#amplifier module

[tomsonelectronics-blog]

Buy TPA3116 PBTL Mono Digital Amplifier Board 69W Online

Shop the TPA3116 PBTL Mono Digital Amplifier Board (1x69W, 12V) online. Compact, efficient, and reliable, it ensures superior audio performance for your projects.

[pc-98s]

deltarune gaming but this time it isn’t a ridiculous gimmick

[takmiblog]

不都合な真実

アナログレコードプレーヤーーー＞CDプレーヤ

しばらく長い間イノベーションが無かったオーディオ業界にとって、デジタルで音楽を再生する（DA変換）というアイデアはビジネスとして圧倒的なDriving Forceとなった。ユーザ（顧客）にとっても22KHz以上の帯域がカットされていいのか？という疑念よりもメディア（盤）面のキズやホコリから解放されることのほうが重要だったのだ。しかしこの時点では、音楽プレーヤという＜周辺機器＞で起こったイノベーションにとどまった。いうまでもなく、＜本丸＞はパワーアンプである。

A級、AB級ーーー＞D級（PWM)

しばらく長い間イノベーションが無かったオーディオ業界にとって、パルス幅でスピーカを駆動する（PWM）というアイデアはビジネスとして圧倒的なDriving Forceとなった。なぜなら歴史的に最も物量を投入してきたパワーアンプを（特に筐体にこだわりがなければ）１ｋｇ未満に仕上げることが可能になるのだ。これはＡｍａｚｏｎでパワーアンプを気楽に何個も発注して楽しむ時代の到来を意味するとともに、特に日本のオーディオメーカにとっては冬の時代の到来となった。時計で起こったことが、オーディオでも同じように起こったのである。

An Inconvenient Truth

[semiconductorlogs]

Global Lock-in Amplifier Module Market size was valued at US$ 167 million in 2024 and is projected to reach US$ 238 million by 2032, at a CAGR of 5.1% during the forecast period 2025-2032 

Lock-in Amplifier Module Market Overview

A lock-in amplifier module is an amplifier that can extract a signal with a known carrier from extremely noisy environments. It is essentially an analog multiplier followed by a low pass filter. In effect, a lock-in amplifier converts a high-frequency signal into a DC component or very low frequency. It is widely used to measure signals that are otherwise covered by noise.

The U.S. market size is estimated at USD 75 million in 2024, while China’s market is projected to reach USD 50 million in the same year.

The Single Phase segment is expected to reach USD 120 million by 2032, growing at a CAGR of 6.5% during the forecast period 2026–2032.

The global key manufacturers of Lock-in Amplifier Module include FEMTO Messtechnik GmbH, Newport, Zurich Instruments, AMETEK, Stanford Research Systems, TeachSpin, Hinds Instruments, NF Corporation, Liquid Instruments, Anfatec, etc. In 2024, the global top five players had a share approximately % in terms of revenue. We have surveyed the Lock-in Amplifier Module manufacturers, suppliers, distributors, and industry experts on this industry, involving the sales, revenue, demand, price change, product type, recent development and plan, industry trends, drivers, challenges, obstacles, and potential risks This report aims to provide a comprehensive presentation of the global market for Lock-in Amplifier Module, with both quantitative and qualitative analysis, to help readers develop business/growth strategies, assess the market competitive situation, analyze their position in the current marketplace, and make informed business decisions regarding Lock-in Amplifier Module. This report contains market size and forecasts of Lock-in Amplifier Module in global, including the following market information:

Global Lock-in Amplifier Module market revenue, 2020-2025, 2026-2032, ($ millions)

Global Lock-in Amplifier Module market sales, 2020-2025, 2026-2032, (K Units)

Global top five Lock-in Amplifier Module companies in 2024 (%)

Lock-in Amplifier Module Key Market Trends  :

Growing Demand in Research Laboratories Lock-in amplifiers are increasingly used in laboratories for precise measurement of weak signals, driving the demand in scientific research and development.

Integration with Digital Technologies Advancements in integrating lock-in amplifiers with digital signal processing enhance accuracy and usability, expanding applications in medical and industrial fields.

Rising Industrial Applications Increased use in industrial environments for monitoring and control systems is pushing market growth, especially in noise-sensitive processes.

Miniaturization and Portability Development of compact, portable lock-in amplifier modules is making them more accessible for field applications and education sectors.

Expansion in Emerging Markets Growing industrialization and research investments in Asia-Pacific, especially China, are creating new growth avenues for manufacturers.

Lock-in Amplifier Module Market Regional Analysis :

https://semiconductorinsight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/download-34_11zon-1.png

North America:Strong demand driven by EVs, 5G infrastructure, and renewable energy, with the U.S. leading the market.

Europe:Growth fueled by automotive electrification, renewable energy, and strong regulatory support, with Germany as a key player.

Asia-Pacific:Dominates the market due to large-scale manufacturing in China and Japan, with growing demand from EVs, 5G, and semiconductors.

South America:Emerging market, driven by renewable energy and EV adoption, with Brazil leading growth.

Middle East & Africa:Gradual growth, mainly due to investments in renewable energy and EV infrastructure, with Saudi Arabia and UAE as key contributors.

Lock-in Amplifier Module Market Segmentation :

Global Lock-in Amplifier Module market, by Type, 2020-2025, 2026-2032 ($ millions) & (K Units) Global Lock-in Amplifier Module market segment percentages, by Type, 2024 (%)

Single Phase

Dual Phase

Global Lock-in Amplifier Module market, by Application, 2020-2025, 2026-2032 ($ Millions) & (K Units) Global Lock-in Amplifier Module market segment percentages, by Application, 2024 (%)

Laboratory

Medical

Industrial

Others

Competitor Analysis The report also provides analysis of leading market participants including:

Key companies Lock-in Amplifier Module revenues in global market, 2020-2025 (estimated), ($ millions)

Key companies Lock-in Amplifier Module revenues share in global market, 2024 (%)

Key companies Lock-in Amplifier Module sales in global market, 2020-2025 (estimated), (K Units)

Key companies Lock-in Amplifier Module sales share in global market, 2024 (%)

Further, the report presents profiles of competitors in the market, key players include:

FEMTO Messtechnik GmbH

Newport

Zurich Instruments

AMETEK

Stanford Research Systems

TeachSpin

Hinds Instruments

NF Corporation

Liquid Instruments

Anfatec

Scitec

APE-Berlin

Hinds Instruments

Shenzhen Tyson Technology

Drivers

High Demand for Precise Signal Measurement Lock-in amplifier modules excel at extracting weak signals from noisy backgrounds, essential in advanced scientific research and industrial monitoring.

Technological Advancements Continuous improvements in analog multiplier technology and filtering techniques enhance performance, encouraging adoption across various sectors.

Increasing Research & Development Activities Expanding R&D in universities and industries globally is boosting the need for sophisticated measurement tools like lock-in amplifiers.

Restraints

High Cost of Advanced Modules The sophisticated technology involved makes some lock-in amplifier modules expensive, limiting accessibility for smaller labs or companies.

Complexity of Operation Requires skilled operators to correctly configure and interpret results, which can slow adoption in markets with limited technical expertise.

Competition from Alternative Technologies Emerging signal processing methods and digital filters sometimes serve as substitutes, restricting market growth for traditional lock-in amplifiers.

Opportunities

Expansion in Medical Diagnostics Increasing use in medical imaging and diagnostics provides new applications for lock-in amplifiers in detecting faint biological signals.

Customization and Modular Designs Offering tailored solutions and modular amplifier systems can attract diverse industries requiring specific measurement setups.

Growth in Emerging Economies Developing regions with expanding industrial and scientific sectors present untapped markets for lock-in amplifier manufacturers.

Challenges

Maintaining Accuracy in Noisy Environments Despite their purpose, extreme noise conditions still pose challenges to achieving highly precise measurements.

Rapid Technological Changes Keeping up with fast-paced technological advancements requires constant innovation and investment by manufacturers.

Market Fragmentation Presence of multiple players with varied product offerings can confuse buyers and complicate market positioning for companies.

[hrv2pbell]

https://www.futureelectronics.com/p/semiconductors--discretes--transistors--mosfets/stw20n90k5-stmicroelectronics-7088232

Power MOSFET, Mosfet transistor, mosfet Switch circuit, Mosfet as switch

MOSFET N-channel 900 V, 0.24 Ohm typ., 20 A MDmesh K5 - TO-247 pkg

[synthtv]

Intro to Synthesis Part 2, types of synthesis

[jihhlsn2w]

https://www.futureelectronics.com/p/semiconductors--discretes--transistors--mosfets/dmg1026uv-7-diodes-incorporated-5048908

Transistor mosfet, mosfet switch, mosfet module, types of mosfet, mosfet gate

Dual N-Channel 60 V 2.1 Ohm 0.45 pC 0.65 W Silicon SMT Mosfet - SOT-563

[atiss2oson]

https://www.futureelectronics.com/p/semiconductors--discretes--transistors--mosfets/stn3nf06l-stmicroelectronics-3775400

Transistors Mosfets, mosfet applications, N-Channel Standard Level Mosfet,

STN3NF06L Series 60 V 0.1 Ohm N-Channel STripFET™ II Power MosFet - SOT-223

[smbomcom]

What Are Programmable Gain Amplifiers?

Programmable Gain Amplifiers are integrated circuits with dynamically adjustable gain, allowing flexible modulation of signal amplification through programming. This versatility positions PGAs as a pivotal technology in electronic design, offering engineers greater design freedom.

More info: About Programmable Gain Amplifiers

[yannawayne]

not a weapon but a person—capable of loving and being loved.

SYNOPSIS: You get kidnapped and Damian snaps. TAGS: Graphic Depictions Of Violence! Genderneutral! Blood, Hurt/Comfort, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Kidnapping, Childhood Trauma, My Mother is the Worst Woman Alive and I'm her Favorite Son, Damian is Eighteen.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ♱

A heavy thud. Ragged breaths. Then the sound of footsteps.

The same hands that had ruthlessly beat your kidnappers to a pulp—the ones that had pulverized flesh with blood splattered across his knuckles, the ones that had heard the crack of bones beneath his grip, the ones that bore the scars of countless cuts and stabs—now traced your cheek with a featherlight touch.

"Beloved."

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ♱

YOUR PALMS WERE PRESSED tightly against your eyes, wrists raw and burning from the rope that had bound them just minutes ago. Sobs slipped from your lips, eyes bloodshot, and mouth parched dry.

The rotting smell of the warehouse was an assault on your senses—an acrid mix of trash, harsh chemicals, and the faint tang of gunfire that lingered in the air.

There was a hushing in your ear as you leaned against a cloaked figure—Batman. Bruce. 

His hand rubbed at your back, firm and steady, a grounding presence amid the chaos. His cape, dark and imposing, wrapped around you like a shield, blocking out the violence unfolding just in front of you.

Shadows danced erratically on the walls as Robin moved with lethal precision. Bodies fell unconscious, thudding heavily against the concrete floor. Blood splattered. Screams echoed. Each punch landed with a sickening crunch, bones breaking. Crates and debris were scattered haphazardly, wood and concrete slamming onto the floor. 

Damian couldn't see anything but red.

His vision was tunneled, focused solely on the next target, the next blow, the next scream. 

A swift roundhouse kick sent one assailant crashing into a stack of crates, the wood splintering under the impact. One punch connected with a jaw, the sickening crunch of bone breaking echoing through the air. Blood sprayed on his fist. Another one rushed toward him, brandishing a knife, but he disarmed the man with a swift twist of the wrist, jamming the blade into the attacker's palm. The man screamed, clutching his arm as red streaked his skin.

Damian's eyes flickered with a dark satisfaction as he watched the thug stumble backward, clutching at the wound.

One last man remained. One who had lunged at him from behind, grappling onto his back. Damian scowled and surged backward, driving both himself and his attacker into the wall with bone-crushing force. The man's grip loosened, a pained gasp escaping his lips as the air was knocked out of him.

"Fool," Damian spat, his voice dripping with venom. "Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?"

The thug whimpered, trying to scramble away, but Damian was relentless. He twisted sharply, dislodging the assailant and slamming an elbow into his ribs. The man crumpled against the wall, clutching his side, his eyes wide with fear and pain.

"You think you can touch those I care for and get away with it?" Damian growled. He didn't give the thug a moment to recover. He swung a powerful fist into the guy's face, the impact sending a spray of blood and teeth into the air. 

"F-Fuck you, man!" The man yanked a gun from his waistband, but before he could even line up a shot, Damian’s foot kicked out, sending the weapon flying through the air. The gun clattered against the concrete with a deafening clang. With a snarl, Damian lunged forward, grabbing the thug by the collar and slamming him into the ground.

"H-Hey! Mercy! Mercy! I'm a-already down!" the assailant wailed, his hands clawing at Robin's uniform in a desperate plea. "The Bat don’t kill! You—you ain't gonna kill me!"

Damian's expression hardened, his eyes narrowing as his voice dropped to a low, menacing growl.

"I'm not Batman," he spat, the tone amplified and darkened by the modulator. "Every breath you take is a mercy I choose to grant. By the time I'm finished, you'll be begging for death."

He raised his fist, the tension in his muscles coiling like a spring ready to snap. The thug’s eyes widened in terror, his pleas growing frantic as he braced for the blow. However, just as Damian’s fist was about to land, a hand clamped down on his shoulder, grabbing onto his hand with a vice-like grip. Before he could react, Batman—Bruce—had tackled him, pinning him firmly against his chest. 

“Robin,” Batman’s voice was firm, concern barely concealed. “That’s enough.”

Damian's struggle was fierce, his body thrashing under his father’s strength as he roared in fury.

“Let me go!” he screamed, his voice raw with anger. “I’m going to kill him for what he did to them!”

The anger engulfed Damian like a stormy ocean, dragging him beneath its violent waves. Visions of his mother’s face, his grandfather’s form, and accusing shadows surged from the depths, all condemning him. Damian’s cries erupted into a raw, guttural scream, gradually dissolving into ragged gasps as he battled the relentless tide.

Though Bruce had shaped him into a hero, a beacon of justice, and his family had offered him a fragile semblance of belonging, Damian was still his mother’s son.

The violence and anger roiling within him were like roots twisted deep within his soul. There was not a thing that could purge the primal rage and pain that had taken root before his first breath.

When he finally broke through the surface, baptized in blood and weighed down by sins that clung to him like chains, he sought you out with an urgent, almost desperate need.

A heavy thud. Ragged breaths. Then the sound of footsteps.

The same hands that had ruthlessly beat your kidnappers to a pulp—the ones that had pulverized flesh with blood splattered across his knuckles, the ones that had heard the crack of bones beneath his grip, the ones that bore the scars of countless cuts and stabs—now traced your cheek with a featherlight touch.

"Beloved."

Your hands were carefully peeled away from your eyes, and you met soft emerald eyes through a veil of tears. His hands moved to unlatch his cape, the soft fabric pooling around your form. His lips, speaking in his mother tongue, murmured a soothing litany of comfort, Arabic endearments flowing like silk. He pressed your head against his chest and you found refuge in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. 

Bruce watched the scene with a pensive look. His son's body had dwarfed you, broad shoulders and strong muscles enveloping your form like a shield. His head was tucked into your hair, his hands raking all over your tense and sweaty skin.

Damian had momentarily shed the hardened exterior he so often wore—a soldier with a heart that, despite its armor, occasionally revealed cracks. This was a side of him that often surprised people.

Because Damian Wayne was the farthest thing from soft.

He was all sharp edges. Poisonous, scalding words that could sear through the thickest armor of patience. Rough, nearly violent in his touch, like a blade pressed against skin. There was no gentleness in his movements, no softness in his gestures, only the relentless precision of a trained killer.

From the earliest moments he could walk, his life was an unending series of tests, each more grueling than the last. Each cut and bruise was a lesson. Failure was met with harsh punishment, success with silent approval. Affection and praise were as rare as mercy. 

The League’s doctrine was ingrained in him: emotions were vulnerabilities, attachments were liabilities, and loyalty was owed only to the mission and the League. His purpose in the League of Assassins was clear—to be the perfect instrument of their will, a living embodiment of their principles. 

Emotion was his enemy, a weakness to be purged.  He was taught to suppress his feelings, to turn them off like a switch. Pain was an illusion, fear a phantom to be banished. He learned to compartmentalize his thoughts, locking away his humanity in the deepest recesses of his mind. 

By the time he reached ten, he was a finely honed instrument of death.

A living weapon in a world that knew no peace.

It had taken Bruce eight grueling years to begin undoing the damage. And even then, he had barely scratched the surface.

Then there was you.

The trembling, warm-faced student Damian had introduced during his senior year—his partner for a science project, he said. 

At first, the interactions were subtle—a fleeting glance here, a hesitant smile there. But as time went on, it became impossible to ignore the way your presence began to soften the sharp edges of Damian's demeanor.

Bruce had seen you both fall for each other over the months. And he saw hope. 

You were the opposite of every lesson Damian has ever been taught.

To him, you were soft, in every sense. Soft movements, soft features, soft voice. Everything about you exuded comfort.

You made something he had always pushed down and shut away come to the surface.

You made him feel things—things he should not.

When you touched him with your soft hands, everything in him burned. The gentle brush of your fingers against his skin ignited a searing heat, a raw and unfamiliar longing that clawed violently at the walls he had worked so hard to maintain. Each touch chipped away at the concrete barriers of his training, breaking them down and leaving him exposed, aching for something he couldn’t quite name.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ♱

Mania. Drake had called it, a wild obsession of his that could consume and devour.

Damian's arms encircled you like a lifeline, holding you close as though he feared you might slip away. His lips brushed against your temple, warm and tender, while his biceps pressed firmly under your chest, anchoring you in his embrace. The air was thick with the mingled scents of sweat, blood, and the lingering residue of fear. 

And yet, amidst these odors, there was an underlying, almost imperceptible hint of Damian’s cologne—Arabian oudh. It was rich and smoky, with notes of aged wood, a faint earthy sweetness, and subtle undertones of leather and spice.

You buried your face into the crook of his neck, the fabric of his suit brushing against your cheek.

A Crush. Todd had chalked it up to puppy love, something that would eventually fade with time.

He lifted you effortlessly from the floor, his strength evident in his smooth, controlled movements. The way he adjusted his hold with such care to ensure your comfort spoke louder than any words could.

Warmth enveloped you—Damian had always run hotter, like a human furnace. On sweltering days, his clinginess (no matter how much he denied it) had been a nuisance, his heat making you feel as if your skin might melt off. But now, that same warmth was a comforting embrace, a welcome shield.

Infatuation. Grayson had suggested, thinking it was just a fleeting, intense passion. But there was something deeper in the way he looked at you, something that felt permanent and unshakeable.

“I am here. I am here, beloved," he spoke to you lowly. "It's alright now."

Love. His father called it.

In an instant, everything seemed to collapse around you. Tears welled up and streamed down your cheeks as you sobbed into his chest, each shudder of your body sending waves of anguish through him. Damian’s heart twisted painfully at the sight of you. 

He has seen suffering—he has inflicted suffering. But this was different. Your pain was a torment he was helpless to alleviate. 

Face twisted in guilt, he pulled you tighter against him, as though he could hold the world’s pain at bay if he just held you close enough.

A hand tapped at his shoulder, and he flinched, turning to see his father.

“The Batmobile is just by the docks. We can—”

“They're in shock,” Damian scowled. the fire back in his eyes. “Do you honestly believe they're in any state to be moved at this moment?”

Bruce’s gaze was firm. “Damian, we don’t have time to—”

“They need to be stabilized first,” Damian cut in sharply, his tone brooking no argument. He turned abruptly, striding towards the exit. “If you want them to survive this, we need to take care of them properly, not rush them into a car. I shall be outside.”

Without waiting for a response, Damian moved swiftly, the clatter of his boots echoing as he stepped into the cool night air with you. Once the warehouse door closed behind him, he turned his full attention back to you, his hand gently brushing your tear-streaked face. 

He moved to press his forehead gently against yours, the warmth of his skin meeting yours in a tender connection. He could offer no verbal comfort anymore; words seemed woefully inadequate. Your cries gradually subsided as you drew comfort from his presence.

Love.

He lifted his hand to the side of his face, pressing a button. As his mask retracted, his eyes met yours. Damian knew that more than anything else, you loved his eyes.

Time and again, you found yourself drawn to them, unable to tear your gaze away. They were hypnotic—an exquisite blend of emerald green, green as vibrant as the leather cover of his sketchbook, flecked with gold and streaked with brown paint.

His eyes were windows to his soul, offering the only genuine glimpse into the depths of his emotions. In them, you could see his anger burning like a stormy sea, joy dancing like sunlight on rippling water, embarrassment flitting like a shadow, and pain etched as deep as his scars.

At times, his eyes grew gentle, revealing something much softer—something that made your heart swell and your knees feel weak. A love so pure and unexpected that it could melt the coldest of hearts.

Damian Wayne was the farthest thing from soft.

But in these soft, fragile moments he shared with you, where his heart beat in sync with yours, Damian found an unexpected calm. It was in these rare interludes, away from the brutality and darkness that defined his world, that he could truly be himself.

Here, he was not a weapon but a person—capable of loving and being loved.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ♱

ao3: yenwayne

NOTE: I want to delve into the line I wrote: 'Damian is still his mother’s son.'

It's just to show his trauma, I despise Talia with all my guts.

Talia's control over Damian is a textbook example of manipulative conditioning at its most extreme. In psychological development, early experiences and parental influence are crucial in shaping one's self-concept. From his earliest days, Damian was deprived of a normal childhood. His personality, thoughts, and desires have all been sculpted by the League of Assassins from day one.

His anger, protectiveness, and sense of duty are manifestations of this—a child raised to be a killer, now struggling with the fragments of a humanity that was never fully allowed to blossom.

I'm not saying he hasn't changed!!! He has turned into so much more than the weapon they intended him to be. He is genuinely good. But the impact of such deep-seated trauma cannot be easily overlooked or resolved. It’s not something that can simply be swept under the rug or fixed overnight.

So, this was my attempt at capturing his character! I’m very open to constructive criticism since I’m new to the fandom. Please be kind and gentle with your feedback :)

[pc-98s]

sickest band merch ever

[takmiblog]

パワー・エレクトロニクス分野における省エネ化の位置付け

　小型化と省エネ化は、現代のパワー・エレクトロニクス分野における最大のテーマでしょう。この二つの課題を克服するには、機器の中でもっとも消費電力の大きいアンプや電源を高効率化する必要があります。しかし、従来のリニア方式アンプは、消費電力が大きい、発熱が大きく大型の放熱器が必要、バッテリのもちが悪いなど、多くの欠点があります。

　この欠点を克服する電力増幅回路がD級アンプです。D級アンプは、パワーデバイスをスイッチング駆動することで、８０％を超える高い変換効率を実現します。この技術を利用すれば、放熱器の小型化や長時間のバッテリ駆動が可能になるのです。

　本書は、D級アンプの設計テクニックと製作事例を集大成したものです。D級増幅段の回路設計法から、LCフィルタ、負帰還技術、市販の制御ICの使い方まで、実践で役に立つ知識を実験を交えながらわかりやすく解説します。

ーーーーー

D級／ディジタル・アンプの設計と製作

高効率に電力を増幅できるパワー・アンプの作り方のすべて

本田潤＜編著＞

CQ出版社

[rfantennaindia]

5G 12dBi Magnetic Antenna with RG174 Cable

A 5G 12dBi magnetic antenna is a type of antenna designed to enhance the performance of 5G wireless communication devices, such as routers, hotspots, or modems. Let's break down the key features:

5G: 5G is the fifth generation of wireless technology, which offers faster data speeds, lower latency, and greater capacity compared to previous generations (4G, 3G, etc.). The antenna is specifically designed to work with 5G networks and devices.

12dBi Gain: The "12dBi" figure refers to the antenna's gain, which is a measure of how much the antenna can increase the power of the signal it receives or transmits. A higher gain indicates better signal reception and transmission capabilities. In this case, a 12dBi gain suggests that this antenna can significantly boost the signal strength.

Magnetic Antenna: The term "Magnetic Antenna" indicates that the antenna can be attached to metal surfaces using a magnetic base. This feature provides flexibility in terms of placement and allows for easy positioning on metallic surfaces, like the roof of a car or a metal housing for a 5G device.

Magnetic antennas are often used in mobile applications or in scenarios where temporary or flexible mounting is required. This type of antenna is convenient because it can be easily installed and removed, making it suitable for mobile installations or where drilling holes or more permanent mounting solutions are not practical.

[v6quewrlds]

HOMIESEXUAL II, BURROW & IOSIVAS.

pairing⠀⁎⠀joe burrow/andrei iosivas x reader. word count⠀⁎⠀6.8k.

summary⠀⁎⠀just as you begin to settle into a slow ease with andrei, joe's late night texts sends you spiraling. paralyzed by the memories of what could have been, you find yourself back to square one.

author's note⠀⁎⠀read part i here. already planning a third part <3 first part focused mostly on andrei, this part focuses mostly on joe. don't ask me what the timeline is or how long anyone's been together, idk man. warnings⠀⁎⠀some usage of y/n, vicious cycles part ii, reader is going through it, literally just angst, sam lowkey meddling.

You leaned against your kitchen counter. Pale marble pressed a deep line into your skin as you took slow, shallow sips of your steaming cup of coffee. You drank it black with just a spoonful of sugar, a silent protest to the bitter taste of the morning after receiving Joe's text. The sun painted the room in a warm glow, but it did little to ease the chill that had settled in your chest.

The subtle creaking of your floor gave away heavy footsteps, interrupting your thoughts. You turned in the direction of the sound to find Andrei emerging from your bedroom, a hopeful smile on his face. "Good morning," he greeted you, stretching out his arms in a yawn.

"Hey," you managed to reply, your voice a bit hoarse from the previous night. He crossed the room and wrapped you in a gentle embrace. "How are you feeling?" he asked, his eyes searching yours for answers you weren't ready to give.

"Good," you lied, your mind racing with the weight of your decision. "Really good."

You could feel his heart beating in his chest as he processed your words, and you could hear the deep inhalation as he tried to modulate his reaction. Andrei pulled back, his hands lingering on your arms as he searched for the right response. "So, we're okay?" His voice was a soft whisper, hopeful.

You nodded. "We're okay," you assured him, your voice steady despite the tumult in your thoughts.

"That's all I needed to hear." Andrei's smile grew, crinkling the corner of his eyes. "I really like you. I know we're taking it slow, but I want you to know that." A large hand came down to cup the side of your face, thumb soothing circles into your brown skin before he leaned down to kiss you. It was gentle, slow, and filled with promise.

You returned the kiss, feeling a pang of guilt. You knew you had to tell him about Joe's message, but you didn't want to ruin the moment. Not yet. Instead, you chose to bask in the warmth of his affection, if only for a little longer. "I'm all yours, Andrei," you said, your voice earnest.

As you broke apart, Andrei's eyes searched yours for reassurance. "I'm gonna head out, hit my apartment before practice," he said, reluctance in his tone. "But, I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah," you nodded, trying to match his enthusiasm. "Soon."

He leaned in once more, softly whispering a question of, "Promise?", against your lips, all deep and soft and sweet. "Promise," you laughed against his lips, the sound light and airy, the promise feeling heavier than it should have.

Once Andrei left, the apartment felt too quiet. The echo of his footsteps down the hall seemed to amplify the silence that followed. You knew you had to get to work, but your legs felt like lead. With a deep sigh, you placed your half-empty coffee mug in the sink and headed to the shower. The hot water washed away the lingering scent of Andrei, but not the weight of Joe's words in your thoughts.

You could practically hear his voice saying those sweet words.

Are you free tomorrow?

You were, in fact, free.

We should do something.

God, you craved to be near him.

Miss seeing you.

You hated that you didn't hate him. Hated that you could feel his words' warmth through your phone's cold screen.

As you stepped into the shower, the hot spray did nothing to wash away the feeling of his embrace from your mind. You knew you had to tell Andrei, but you were scared of losing him and scared of losing your self respect in the process.

The office was bustling when you arrived. By the time Jess met your eye, you had already read and reread the text message fifty times over. The weight of Joe's words hung over you like a dark cloud as you attempted to read into every word choice. You made your way to Jess's desk, where your friend was buried in paperwork, and dropped your bag with a loud thud.

"Tell me everything," Jess demanded, her eyes immediately recognizing the distress in your posture. The two of you retreated to a more secluded area of the office, where the hum of the photocopier and the occasional ring of a phone couldn't penetrate your hushed conversation.

You recounted your tumultuous evening, the text from Joe, and the spiraling that followed. Jess listened intently, her eyes focused on your expression and intermittent sighs.

When you were done, Jess took a deep breath. "Don't take this the wrong way, babe. But, you don't talk about Andrei half as much as you talk about Joe."

The truth of Jess's words stung like a slap. You had been so focused on Joe that you had neglected the good thing you had with Andrei. "I know," you mumbled, dropping your eyes to the floor. "I'm just... every time I think I can move on, it's like he senses it and fucks with my head."

"Babe, you have to start taking some responsibility for your part in this too," Jess said firmly, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You can't blame Joe for everything, as fucked up as he is. You have to figure out what you truly want and stick to it. Joe can't get through to you if you just… shut the door."

You nodded, knowing your friend was right. You had been playing a dangerous game of push and pull with both men, not truly committing to either. "I know," you sighed. "But it's hard to ignore him when he's been part of my life for so long. It feels incomplete."

Jess anxiously bit her lip, her eyes filled with a mix of understanding and frustration. "I'm sorry, babe. I know it's complicated, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not healthy for you."

You sighed, biting your bottom lip. "I know," you echoed. "You're so lucky you locked down Sam."

Jess rolled her eyes playfully. "You know it wasn't always roses."

"Yeah, but you guys make it look easy now," you said, trying to lighten the mood. "All lovey-dovey and happy."

"It's not easy, but it's worth it," Jess said, her voice filled with conviction. "You just have to figure out what's worth fighting for and who you're willing to fight for it with."

You nodded, following Jess as the two of you headed back into the office to settle into a full day of meetings and paperwork. Despite your friend's advice, you couldn't shake the feeling that you were drowning in a sea of indecision. Every time you thought you had made up your mind, a new wave of doubt crashed over you.

Joe had a headache. It was the kind that lingered, the kind that felt like it was trying to tell him something. He'd had it for days, ever since he pressed send on that late-night text to you. Your read receipts were still on, so he knew you had seen it, but you hadn't responded - something he was aware was entirely intentional on your part. He knew he had crossed a line, knew that he had no right to expect anything from you after everything. Yet, he couldn't help but hope you might answer in whatever way you saw fit. He wanted you to tell him off, to block him, to do anything but ignore him.

The weight room was unusually quiet for a Thursday night. The echo of weights clanking against the floor was the only sound that pierced the thick air of competition and sweat. He was in his element, his muscles flexing with each rep, the grunts of effort escaping his lips as he pushed through an impromptu workout.

His mind was racing, replaying every interaction with you since he had stepped into the league. Flashes of moments and bites of sound played in his mind like a movie reel, the sweetness of your laughter, the magnetism of your figure, mixing with the harshness of your silence. He had to do something, had to find a way to explain why he had always been so afraid of what the two of you could have been.

He heard the clinking of Sam's workout bag before he saw the defensive end enter the gym. Sam's eyes met his, not a single hint of surprise in his expression. They had known each other for too long, had seen each other at their highest and lowest points. Sam knew he would be here. "Need a spot?" Sam offered, his voice carrying over the gym's ambient noise.

Joe removed his headphones, the music's thumping bass cutting off abruptly. He nodded, welcoming the distraction. "Yeah, thanks, man," he said, gesturing to the barbell on the rack.

As Sam helped him lift the weight, Joe couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that his friend knew something was up. Sam always had a knack for reading him, and Joe's restlessness was as clear as day. "So, how's it going with... you know?" Sam asked, his voice low enough not to carry.

Joe let out a heavy breath, setting the barbell back onto the rack and swapping places with Sam. "It's complicated," he said, not meeting Sam's eyes. "She's not answering my texts."

"Maybe she's just busy," Sam said, not bothering to hide his skepticism. He knew full well the kind of hold Joe had on you. "Or maybe she's finally putting her foot down. Gained a backbone or something?"

Joe chuckled, the sound hollow. "Maybe," he allowed, though he doubted it. "I don't know what I'm doing, dude. I just keep fucking things up with her."

Sam paused his reps, eyeing Joe with a mix of frustration and pity. "You know what you're doing, Joe. Always have."

Joe rolled his shoulders, ignoring the accusation. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sam set the barbell back, siting up with a groan. "It means," he said, wiping the sweat from his brow, "that you keep playing games with her because you think you don't deserve what you really want."

Joe's eyes narrowed, but Sam continued, unphased. "You're afraid of being with her, of committing to her. You think you're not good enough for her, so you keep her at arm's length so she doesn't find out. It's annoying, really. You both deserve better."

Joe felt the sting of truth in Sam's words. He rolled his neck, the tension building. "It's not like that," he protested, though even he could hear the doubt in his voice. "I'm just... I don't know what I want."

"Well, you're going to have to figure it out," Sam said, his voice firm. "Because if you keep playing this game, you're going to lose her for good. And I can't say I'd blame her if she chose Andrei. He's sweet to her, treats her right."

Joe's jaw tightened at the mention of Andrei's name. He knew he didn't have the right to feel possessive, but the thought of losing you to his teammate, someone who could be around you all the time, was like a knife in the gut. He had always thought of Andrei as a friend, but now, the line felt blurred. "I know," he said through gritted teeth. "But it's not that simple."

"I don't know, it might be, bro," Sam said, his voice carrying the weight of a thousand unspoken words. "Sometimes, things are exactly as simple as they seem. You love her, she loves you, but you're too scared to tell her that because you're afraid of the expectations that come with it."

Joe couldn't argue with that. He had spent so long building a wall around himself that the thought of letting someone in, really in, was terrifying. But as much as he tried to convince himself otherwise, he knew that the wall had been built for one person, and one person only.

"Look, I know it's not my place," Sam started again, his voice softer. "But she's like a little sister to me. I hate seeing her agonize over you. If you're not capable of giving her what she deserves, then maybe you should step aside."

Joe's hands curled into fists at the thought. "Fuck," he muttered, the weight of Sam's words sinking in. He knew his friend was right. He had been selfish, playing with your emotions because he was too afraid to step up to your expectations. But could he really let you go? He didn't know if he had the strength to do that.

"Just think about it," Sam murmured, turning to leave the weight room. His words hung in the air, thick and heavy as the silence settled once again. Joe knew Sam was right, but thinking wasn't the problem. It was the doing that had always been his issue.

You hummed to yourself as you put away the last of your folded laundry, setting aside a few stray pieces of clothing you recognized as belonging to Andrei and a jacket you borrowed from Jess.

The soft buzz of your phone on the nightstand brought you out of your thoughts. You glanced at the screen, caught off-guard by a memory notification from your Photos app. It was a video of you and Joe, probably taken during one of your many easygoing nights before it all became so serious.

The two of you were laughing, the camera wobbling as Joe tried to get a good angle of your face while you attempted to explain some ridiculous late-night food combination. You watched it once, twice, the familiar warmth of nostalgia washing over you.

"What the hell is that?" He laughed, blue eyes twinkling as you continued to giggle hysterically. Your words kept getting caught in your throat as you tried to explain the combination of bacon and peanut butter on toast.

You closed the odd sandwich together, holding a corner out for him to try. "It's good, I promise," you said through your laughter. Joe eyed you skeptically before setting the camera down against the toaster, the video shifting to show the two of you standing in his kitchen.

An oversized sage green long-sleeve belonging to him hung off your smaller frame, the hem of the shirt brushing against your thighs as you stepped closer to him, trying to convince him to take a bite. He was dressed in sweats and a ridiculous tie-dye t-shirt, the colors of his outfit clashing horribly against each other.

He leaned in, the smell of mint on his breath as he took the bite. His eyebrows furrowed as he chewed, and you couldn't help but laugh harder, the sound echoing through the phone. The memory washed over you, a warm wave of nostalgia that you hadn't felt in a long time. But it was the way he looked at you after he swallowed, with a hint of wonder in his eyes, that made your heart clench as you watched.

"Good?" you asked, watching him expectantly.

Joe grumbled with a reluctant smile, wiping the crumbs from the bread on his lip. He leaned in for another bite, the two of you sharing a laugh as you held the sandwich away from him like a prize. His hands grabbed at your waist, playfully trying to take a bite without your permission before resorting to kissing you instead.

"Delicious," he murmured as he pulled away from your lips, his wandering hands making it clear he wasn't just talking about the sandwich. You only hummed in response, tearing the remainder of the sandwich in half as he reached to shut off the camera.

The video ended there, but the memory didn't. It played on in your mind, the way his hands felt, the way his mouth moved against yours, and you realized you had been holding your breath. You set the phone aside, your heart racing as you sat on the edge of your bed, the coolness of the comforter a stark contrast to the heat that seemed to envelop you.

For a moment, you allowed yourself to feel everything you had been pushing down for weeks. The longing, the regret, the anger. It all gripped at your heart, pulling you back to a time when you didn't have to think about the consequences of your actions. Back when you lived, breathed, and loved Joe without apprehension. But you knew you couldn't live in the past. With a deep breath, you stood up, tucking the stray strands of hair behind your ear and walking into the bathroom to splash your face with water.

The coolness helped to center you, but the reflection staring back was one of uncertainty. You had promised yourself you would take things slow with Andrei, that you would give him a chance. But as much as you tried to convince yourself that you had moved on, Joe remained a constant in your thoughts, a shadow haunting your happiness.

You beelined for your phone, your brain screaming at you to get up and delete the video, to erase every trace of Joe from your mind. But your thumb hovered over the screen, unable to follow through. Instead, you decided to just block his number, hoping - in vain - that would be the end of it. The video remained, but at least you wouldn't be so tempted to respond to any more of his messages.

Andrei loved the build-up to game days. The adrenaline was palpable, the tension in the air was electric, and the camaraderie among the team was something he cherished. Everyone was hyped up, settling into their seats on the team plane, ready to take on the Cowboys tomorrow. The conversation around him was a mix of trash talk and strategy, bonds being strengthened with every laugh and shared glance.

You had sent him off to Dallas with a good luck message, a photo of yourself in a #80 jersey attached to the sweet message.

The seatbelt sign flickered off, and the team started to move around the cabin, the noise level rising as the players talked and stretched their legs. Andrei felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Sam sitting in the empty aisle seat next to him. "Hey, Drei," Sam said, reaching a hand out to dap him up. "Seat taken?"

Andrei grasped his hand with a shake of his head. "Nah, man, have a seat."

Sam nodded and took the empty seat. "Look, I know I don't have the right to say anything, but I had to talk to you about something. Get it off my conscience." His expression grew serious as he leaned in closer to Andrei. "How are things with Y/N?"

Andrei's smile faltered a bit. "Good," he said, unsure of where this conversation was heading. "We're taking things slow, but it's all good."

Sam leaned in, his expression earnest. "Look, Joe's my boy, and I don't want to get in the middle of your business, but I care about her too. Just be careful, Drei. Let things happen naturally, you know?"

Andrei nodded, not quite sure what Sam was trying to tell him but appreciative of his concern. "Yeah, man, we are. Things are good. Why?"

Sam took a deep breath, his gaze darting around the cabin before settling back on Andrei. "It's just, Joe's been... I don't know. Different. He talked to me about her the other day, and it was like he realized for the first time that she's actually with someone else. And they're stubborn, you know?" He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation. "I just don't want you to get hurt, man. He's got a history with her, and I know it's not fair, but sometimes, history has a way of repeating itself. I'm sure she's trying her best to let you in, but she could really break your heart, dude."

Andrei nodded, his thoughts racing. He had felt the same tension from Joe lately, the way he had been looking at him, the awkward pauses in conversation despite the front he was putting up of being a good sport. Andrei knew he had to tread carefully. He didn't want to lose you, but he also didn't want to be the rebound or the guy who messed around with his friend's girl.

Andrei sighed, eyes darting over to Joe who was playing a round of chess with BJ. "Be honest with me, dude. If she had to, ultimatum or whatever, who do you think she'd choose?"

Sam's gaze followed Andrei's. "If it's down to it, she'll always choose Joe," he admitted, his voice low. "It's just the way it is. I'm not saying it's right or fair to you, but that's the reality. Whether she wants to admit it or not, she's still holding on to what could have been with him. And Joe... he's realizing he might actually lose her for good and it's not sitting well with him."

Andrei nodded slowly, taking in Sam's words. He knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear, but he appreciated the honesty. "I gotta ask you something, 'cause it's been bothering me," he began. "Why didn't anyone say anything when I first started seeing her? A bunch of guys on the team knew about Joe and her, but no one warned me. It's kinda fucked up, you know?"

Sam's expression tightened, and he leaned back in his seat. "It's... complicated, Drei," he said, his voice a mix of regret and loyalty. "We all thought it was a good idea at first, keep our mouths shut, let things play out. We didn't want to start any drama, especially with you finding your rhythm in the offensive. Maybe we should've said something, I guess. I just don't know if it would've made a difference."

Andrei nodded, feeling the weight of the situation settle heavily on his shoulders. He knew Sam was right; you and Joe had a history that ran deep. It wasn't fair to any of you, but here you were. "Thanks for being straight with me, Sam," he said, his voice tight. "I'll think about it."

The rest of the flight passed in a blur, the conversation with Sam playing on repeat in Andrei's mind. He knew he had to talk to you about it, but the right words escaped him. How could he express his fears without pushing you away or making you feel guilty?

The team arrived in Dallas, and the day of the game approached fast. The energy in the hotel was intense, players going through their pregame rituals, eyes glued to game tape, and coaches barking out last-minute instructions. Andrei found refuge in the routine of it all, pushing his conversation with Sam to the back of his mind as he focused on the task at hand.

The offensive played an explosive game, coming out with a win against the Cowboys. On the flight back to Cincinnati, Andrei found himself isolated from the rest of his exhausted, but jubilated teammates. By the time they touched down, Andrei was texting you with an excuse, telling you he'd see you tomorrow, that his mind was exhausted and he just needed to crash at his own place tonight.

On the other side of the phone, you were frowning as you read the text out loud to Jess. The two of you were in a familiar position on game nights when Sam was away, sauced wings forgotten on the coffee table as you dissected every text message and emoji. "What do you think that means?" you asked, biting your lip.

Jess took a swig of her beer, shaking her head. "Maybe he's finally realized you'll never get off Joe's dick." Her tone was blunt, unable to hide her laugh when you sent her an unimpressed look. "Look, I know it's harsh, but you've got to cut that shit out. You either go for Joe or you stick with Andrei. You can't keep playing this game, especially if Joe's gonna keep popping up like a fucking jack-in-the-box every time you get cozy with another guy." Jess was tipsy, clearly. Her words always held a little more bite when she had alcohol flowing through her system.

You sighed, setting your phone down. "The thing is, I finally brought myself to block Joe. But now Andrei's acting weird, and I don't know if it's because of Joe or because he's just tired from the trip."

Jess leaned in, her voice softer. "He said he was too tired to be present with you. Maybe just believe him?"

You nodded, feeling a little foolish. "Why can't my relationships ever be normal?" you said with a groan, flopping back on the couch, and taking a sip of your beer.

Jess reached over to grab your hand, giving it a firm squeeze. "I love you, so much, babe. But you gotta start making your own decisions, stop letting these men dictate your happiness," she said, her gaze full of sisterly love. "You're a badass, and it's about time you start acting like it."

The front door rustled as Sam turned the key, letting himself in. Jess stood up to greet him, pressing a few sloppy kisses to his lips, congratulating him on the win as she began to babble in his arms.

"It was a beer kinda night, huh?" Sam asked, holding Jess' waist in one arm as they shuffled over to the couch where you sat nursing the rest of your lukewarm beer.

"Your beer kinda sucks, Hubbard," you muttered, scowling when he reached over to pluck the beer from your hand in response.

Sam chuckled, placing it aside. "You know I don't stock that shit," he said, pecking Jess' cheek as he sank into the couch next to Jess. "What's with the face?"

You took a deep breath, trying to compose yourself. "Boys," you muttered, avoiding eye contact.

Sam rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he stood to head off to the kitchen. "I shouldn't have asked. Not surprised."

He returned with a protein bar in hand, taking his seat and shifting an affectionate Jess into his lap with a smile and a kiss to her forehead. "I spoke to Andrei yesterday. I don't know what kind of magic hold you have over these guys, but it has to be studied." Sam's words cut through the air, his gaze steady on you.

You paused, "You talked to Andrei?"

Sam nodded. "I had to. He had some questions and I felt kinda shitty that no one warned him about you and Joe." He took a bite of his protein bar, eyeing you as he chewed.

"Sam," Jess gasped, a hint of a scold in her tone. "Andrei just sent her a weird, cryptic text."

Sam's gaze softened, looking at you with concern. "What's up with that?"

"I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's just the stress of the season or the travel, but it feels like something's off." You picked at your fingernails, your gaze on the TV that was playing the game's highlights.

Sam looked at you with a furrowed brow. "That's weird. He seemed fine when we left Dallas."

Jess leaned forward, placing her hand on Sam's knee. "Well, maybe he's just tired. You all are."

Sam nodded, swiping a hand over his face. "Yeah, could be. But I'll keep an eye on him."

Whatever had come over Andrei that night didn't seem to stick around for long. By Monday night, he was asking you to come over after work. You agreed, feeling a mix of relief and anxiety. When you arrived, Andrei greeted you with a warm smile, his arms open wide. You fell into your usual routine, ordering takeout before Andrei's hand slipped under your shirt, then shifted you into his lap, teasing you about your inability to pay attention to the movie you picked out.

"Just focus, baby," Andrei murmured in your ear, his voice filled with amusement as you squirmed against his lap.

You licked your lips, releasing a strangled moan as your hand moved down to cover Andrei's dipping into your leggings. You could feel the heat rising in your face, the tension in the room thickening with every touch. You bit back a surprised moan when he flipped you onto your back, the couch cushions molding to the curve of your spine as he hovered over you, a fiery determination in his eyes.

Andrei's kisses grew more urgent, his hands exploring your body with a gentle insistence that made your toes curl. You could feel yourself getting lost in him again, the warmth of his touch pushing your worries to the furthest corners of your mind.

His familiar heartbeat soothed your own as you pressed your cheek to his chest. "I missed you yesterday," you spoke up with bated breath.

"I missed you too," Andrei responded, stroking your cheek gently.

The two of you lay there, basking in the afterglow, your breaths gradually evening out. The silence stretched between you, filled with unspoken words and unresolved tension.

You allowed yourself to be swept up in the final touches of wedding planning with Jess as the season came to a close. Each step was a welcome distraction from the question marks of your love life. The bachelorette party came and went, followed by the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.

The dinner was supposed to be a swirl of laughter and goodwill, but when you and Joe found yourselves staring at the only two empty seats, side by side, the air grew thick with uneasy hesitation. You felt the heat from his leg when he reluctantly sat to your right, his broad frame taking up more than his share of the formerly empty space.

His eyes would flicker over to yours as you spoke, a gentle smile tugging at his lips, but he remained mostly silent. It was strange, the way he could make you feel so at ease and so frazzled all at once. As the evening progressed, Joe remained polite and friendly, but there was a distance between you that was palpable.

And it killed you.

The wedding day was a blur of formalwear and champagne toasts. As maid of honor, you were busy ensuring everything went off without a hitch. The ceremony was beautiful, and as Jess and Sam shared their first dance, you couldn't help but shed a few tears.

By the time the groomsmen began to loosen their ties, the reception was in full swing. The open bar was doing its job, and the dance floor was crowded with swaying bodies, the air thick with the scent of cologne and alcohol. Sam was in the middle of a dance circle, Jess clinging to his arm as she threw her head back in an elated laugh.

You felt a tap on your shoulder and turned to find Joe standing there, a sheepish grin on his face. "Hey," he greeted. His cheeks were flushed, a hint of whiskey on his breath. "You okay?"

"Yeah," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. "Just taking a break. My feet are killing me."

Joe chuckled, his eyes sweeping over you. "You made a great speech by the way. I thought it was really sweet."

Your heart skipped a beat. You had tried to ignore the way Joe looked at you that night, the way his eyes held yours just a second longer than anyone else's, the way he made you feel like you were the only other person in the room.

You forced a smile. "Thanks, yours too."

"I know this is probably the worst time to do this, but can we talk?" Joe's voice was low, barely audible over the thumping music.

Your pulse quickened. You had hoped to avoid this conversation, at least until Jess and Sam were out of sight. But here he was, looking at you with those pretty blue eyes that seemed to see straight through you, and you folded. "Sure," you said, your voice a whisper.

You stepped out onto the balcony, the cool night air a relieving departure from the stuffy reception hall. The music was a distant hum, muffled by the glass walls. You leaned against the railing, your heart racing as Joe stepped closer, mirroring your stance.

"Look, I know we've had our issues," he began, his voice earnest. "But I've never stopped caring about you. So, I figured I should actually apologize for being such a dick."

Your throat tightened. "You don't have to, Joe." Your eyes were downcast, hoping to avoid showing him just how uncertain you were.

Joe's expression grew serious. "No, I do. I messed up. And I know you're with Andrei now, and I respect that. I just needed to tell you I'm sorry for how I handled things." He paused, searching for the right words. "It's my fault we're not together. I was too scared to be the man you deserve."

You felt a lump form in your throat. "What are you saying, Joe?"

Joe took a deep breath, looking out at the twinkling city lights. "I'm saying that I love you. And I don't want to see you settle for less than what you deserve." He turned to face you, his gaze intense, hoping you'd met him just a quarter of the way. "I know Andrei's a good guy, and he makes you happy in ways that I never did. So, hold on to him. Give him a chance. You deserve it."

Your eyes searched his, looking for any sign of doubt or hidden intent. 

Then you scoffed, rolling your eyes with a shake of your head. "You've got to be kidding me."

"What?" Joe's brows shot up.

Your eyes searched his, the weight of his words heavy on your chest. "You're telling me you love me now? After all the shit you've put me through?"

Joe took a step closer, reaching out to touch your arm gently. "I know, and I'm not asking for anything in return. I just want you to be happy, even if that means it's with someone else."

"You're a fucking coward, Joe," you spat, pushing his hand away. "You can't just say 'I love you' now and expect me to be okay with that. I am trying to move on and you pull this shit with me? Fuck you."

Joe's eyes widened in surprise at your outburst. "Y/N, I'm just trying to be honest with you. I didn't mean to mess up your night."

"Well, you did!" you exclaimed, your voice echoing in the otherwise quiet balcony. "I can't believe you'd do this here, of all places."

Joe's face fell. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I didn't want to ruin Jess and Sam's day, but I had to tell you how I feel in person. I didn't know when I'd see you again."

Your hands flew to your head, fighting back tears of frustration. "This isn't fair," you murmured, your voice cracking. "You can't just do this to me, Joe. Not now."

Joe reached for you again, but you stepped back, holding up a hand to stop him. "No, don't. I can't trust myself around you."

"Y/N," he pleaded, but you were already turning away, facing the skyline again as you gathered your words without the threat of his baby blues breaching your thought process.

"I'm so angry with myself," you whispered, your voice cracking with emotion. "I thought I was getting over you, Joe. I really did. But here I am, still feeling like this."

Joe stepped closer, his hand hovering near your shoulder but not quite touching you. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I wish I could fix everything."

You ignored him, your mind racing as the emotions of the past few months crashed over you like an all-consuming wave. "I'm so in love with you, it makes me angry. Why can't you just be what I need?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

"I know," Joe said softly, his own voice cracking. "I wish I could be that for you."

The music from inside the reception grew louder as someone opened the balcony door. The cold air doing little to settle the heat building between you two. You could see the way his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as you exhaled slowly.

"If you know, why couldn't you just do it? Why are you always out of reach?" you demanded, your eyes swimming with tears. "I fucking love you, Joe. And it's killing me that I can't have you."

Joe's gaze dropped to the floor, his jaw tightening. "I don't know," he murmured, his voice thick with regret. "If I had a chance, I'd fix it. But, you deserve to be happy with Andrei. He's good for you."

"But what if I can't be happy with Andrei?" The question slipped from your lips before you could catch it. You saw the pain in Joe's eyes, and it mirrored your own. "What if all I want is you?"

Joe took a step back, his face a mask of torment. "Don't say that. Please don't say that."

"It's so fucked up," you laughed incredulously. "Andrei's right in front of me, begging to be loved and all I can think about is missing you, asshole."

Joe's gaze met yours, and you saw the true sadness in his eyes. "It's not your fault," he said. "We had our moments. We had a good thing going."

Your breath hitched. "Yeah, we did."

For a moment, the world outside of you stopped spinning. The laughter, the music, the distant chatter of your friends – it all faded away. You stared at each other, the truth of your feelings hanging in the air like mist.

"I miss you," Joe admitted, genuine pain reflecting in his eyes.

Your chest ached. "I miss you too. So much it hurts."

He stepped closer, his hand brushing your cheek. You felt his warmth seep into your skin in that familiar way that always managed to leave you defenseless. "Then why are we doing this to ourselves?"

Your eyes searched his, a mix of anger, love, and despair swirling in their depths. "Because you won't let me go, Joey," you murmured. "Because every time I start to move on, you pull me back in. You can't do that anymore, sweetheart. It's not fair."

Joe leaned in closer, his thumb brushing away a tear that had escaped your bottom lashes. "I know," he whispered, his breath warm on your skin. "I'm sorry."

Your chest tightened as you leaned into his touch, craving the comfort he seemed to still bring you. "Why can't we just be together?" you asked, the desperation in your voice clear.

"I don't know, baby," Joe said, his voice barely above a whisper. "But we can't keep doing this to each other."

You felt the tears falling down your cheeks as you nodded. "But it's so hard."

Joe leaned in, his forehead resting against yours. "I know it is, baby. I know. But it's Jess and Sam's night, we can't do this right now. Gotta get back inside, focus on them."

You nodded, trying to compose yourself. "I know," you whispered.

Joe's hand lingered on your cheek before he pulled away. You felt the chill of the breeze replace his warmth. He took a deep breath, his eyes searching yours one last time before he turned and walked back towards the party. You watched him go, your heart feeling heavier than it had in a long time.

Hot tears clouded your vision as Joe disappeared back into the reception, leaving you alone on the balcony. The cold night air did little to cool the fire of emotions burning within you. You took a shaky breath, willing yourself to calm down. With a heavy heart, you turned and went back inside, finding a bathroom to collect yourself. You wiped your eyes, touched up your makeup, and took a deep breath before returning to the ballroom.

As you stepped back into the bustling room, the music and laughter hit you like a wall. You spotted Joe across the dance floor, stopped by some Ohio State teammates before he could make it to the bathroom, and felt a pang of guilt. His nose was noticeably red, eyes puffy from crying, even from your spot several feet away from him. You knew that look all too well. You had seen it before, reflected back at you in the mirror.

You found Jess and Sam, who were dancing together, their happiness so palpable it almost made your heart ache. You couldn't ruin this for them. You couldn't let Joe ruin this night for you. Not again. You approached them, a laugh erupting from your chest as Sam sloppily spun Jess around before dipping her for a kiss that received cheers from your friends.

"You two look amazing," you yelled over the music, your voice tight but contained.

"I'm so glad you're here, babe," Jess exclaimed, clearly more inebriated than you previously thought. Sam grinned at you, his eyes glinting with the same love and happiness that filled Jess's voice.

You forced a smile, your thoughts still swirling around Joe's confession. "Me too," you managed to say, trying to keep your voice from betraying your emotions.

When you finally stumbled into your hotel room a few hours later, you collapsed onto the bed, fully dressed, the weight of the evening's events pressing down on you. The room was spinning, not just from the alcohol but from the tumult of emotions you had kept bottled up all night. The silence was deafening, a stark contrast to the cacophony of the wedding reception that still rang in your ears.

Your phone remained still on the bedside table, taunting you with the silence from both Andrei and Joe. You contemplated for a moment, biting your lip nervously before exhaling a "Fuck it," and reaching out for it. Your thumbs worked quickly, swiping through your phone to find Joe's contact, unblocking him before you could change your mind. Then you dumped it back onto the table, exhaling softly as you allowed yourself to drift off to sleep.

[beatrice-otter]

[image description: chart titled Talk Like A Technician: The Use of Technobabble.

Technology in Star Trek is complex and works in scientific concepts and principles that are far beyond what the majority of Players and Gamemasters are knowledgeable in. Throughout the collected media, Starfleet officers discuss technology using terms that most Players are not going to know. Instead of expecting Players to study and memorize technical manuals and reference books that have been published over the years we've provided an easy way to talk like a Starfleet engineer. Anyone can do "technobabble"!

To use the chart simply gather and roll d20s and consult the chart below for technical new terms and concepts.

Occasionally portions of the chart may not be applicable to the scene or circumstance. In that case simply omit that portion of technobabble!

The chart has six columns, Roll, Action, Descriptor, Source, Effect, and Device. Each has 20 rows.

Roll: numbers 1-20

Action: refocus, amplify, synchronize, redirect, recalibrate, modulate, oscillate, intensify, nullify, boost, reverse, reconfigure, actuate, focus, invert, reroute, modify, restrict, reset, extend

Descriptor: microscopic, macroscopic, linear, non-linear, isometric, multivariant, nano, phased, master, auxiliary, primary, secondary, tertiary, back-up, polymodal, multiphasic, tri-fold, balanced, oscillating

Source: Quantum, positronic, thermionic, osmotic, neutrino, spatial, resonating, thermal, photon, ionic, plasma, nucleonic, verteron, gravimetric, nadion, subspace, baryon, tetryon, polaron, tachyon

Effect: flux, reaction, field, particle, gradient, induction, conversion, polarizing, displacement, feed, imagining, reciprocating, frequency, pulse, phased, harmonic, interference, distortion, dampening, invariance

Device: inhibitor, equalizer, damper, chamber, catalyst, coil, unit, grid, regulator, sustainer, relay, discriminator, array, coupling, controller, actuator, harmonic, generator, manifold, stabilizer.

/end id]