#an accumulations of shadows

[vainlungs]

О тебе ли я заплачу, странном, Улыбнется ль мне твоё лицо?

Strange one, is it you I’ll mourn, And will your smile linger?

— From Я сошла с ума, о мальчик странный... (Strange boy, I’ve gone mad at last…) by Anna Ahmatova, tr. Andrey Kneller

[moonshinemagpie]

Thinking about how if the Netflix of today had been in charge of Twilight, it would have squeezed all of book 1 and just the beginning of New Moon into one season, so that Bella and Edward break up (an epic cliff hanger!), and then it would have canceled the show.

If the Netflix of today had been the distributor for Star Wars, no one would even know who Luke's father was.

If the Netflix of today had been the distributor for The Lord of the Rings, Frodo would have said, "I can't do this, Sam," and then the end credits would have rolled and we'd have waited 9 months to see Sam's response only to find out the show was canceled and Frodo was never going to destroy the ring.

(P.S. please sign the Shadow & Bone petition.)

[atalana]

other things from the sandman comics i need to share with the netflix fandom: everything that’s happening in this bit of narration from the start of season of mists

[cruscribbles]

don't worry bennett you're not alone anymore

[brighth0pe]

TWIN SOULS

{ ザジ }

[error404vnotfound]

they are NOT involving the crows again omg

[neodarkdark]

I think I decided against the idea of making any adaptation of the shadow crystal any more like a definable entity. So much of the appeal (for me personally) comes from the fact that it has no individuality, no personality, it's not an "entity", it's just a thing that exists and apparently just the fact that it exists is enough to enable weirdness.

[scientia-rex]

When I was in ninth grade I wanted to challenge what I saw as a very stupid dress code policy (not being allowed to wear spikes regardless of the size or sharpness of the spikes). My dad said to me, “What is your objective?”

He said it over and over. I contemplated that. I wanted to change an unfair dress code. What did I stand to gain? What did I stand to lose? If what I really wanted was to change the dress code, what would be my most effective potential approach? (He also gave me Discourses on the Fall of Rome by Titus Livius, Machiavelli’s magnum opus. Of course he’d already given me The Prince, Five Rings, and The Art of War.)

I ultimately printed out that phrase, coated it in Mod Podge, and clipped it to my bathroom mirror so I would look at it and think about it every day.

What is your objective?

Forget about how you feel. Ask yourself, what do you want to see happen? And then ask, how can you make it happen? Who needs to agree with you? Who has the power to implement this change? What are the points where you have leverage over them? If you use that leverage now, will you impair your ability to use it in the future? Getting what you want is about effectiveness. It is not about being an alpha or a sigma or whatever other bullshit the men’s right whiners are on about now. You won’t find any MRA talking points in Musashi, because they are not relevant.

I had no clear leverage on the dress code issue. My parents were not on the PTA; neither were any of my friend’s parents who liked me. The teachers did not care about this. Ultimately I just wore what I wanted, my patent leather collar from Hot Topic with large but flattened spikes, and I had guessed correctly—the teachers also did not care enough to discipline me.

I often see people on tumblr, mostly the very young, flail around in discourse. They don’t have an objective. They don’t know what they want to achieve, and they have never thought about strategizing and interpersonal effectiveness. No one can get everything they want by being an asshole. You must be able to work with other people, and that includes smiling when you hate them.

Read Machiavelli. Start with The Prince, but then move on to Discourses. Read Musashi’s Five Rings. Read The Art of War. They’re classics for a reason. They can’t cover all situations, but they can do more for how you think about strategizing than anything you’re getting in middle school and high school curricula.

Don’t vote third party unless you can tell me not only what your objective is but also why this action stands a meaningful chance of accomplishing it. Otherwise, back up and approach your strategy from a new angle. I don’t care how angry you are with Biden right now. He knows about it, and he is both trying to do something and not doing enough. I care about what will happen to millions of people if we have another Trump presidency. Look up Ross Perot, and learn from our past. Find your objective. If it is to stop the genocide in Palestine now, call your elected representatives now. They don’t care about emails; they care about phone calls, because they live in the past. I know this because I shadowed a lobbyist, because knowing how power works is critical to using it.

How do you think I have gotten two clinics to start including gender care in their planning?

Start small. Chip away. Keep working. Find your leverage; figure out how and when to effectively use it. Choose your battles, so that you can concentrate on the battle at hand instead of wasting your resources in many directions. Learn from the accumulated wisdom of people who spent their lives learning by doing, by making mistakes, by watching the mistakes of their enemies.

Don’t be a dickhead. Be smarter than I was at 14. Ask yourself: what is your objective?

[im2tired4usernames]

Every single time I defend someone shitty who has done nothing but be a cunt to me because they did 1 (ONE ) decent thing THEY ALWAYS TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING SO MUCH WORSE TO ME

[diveyne]

me thinking about the headcanons i never rewrote or transferred over when i moved blogs...

[ledzeppelinmixtape]

its snowing :)

[princesslampshade]

🤪💖

[genshin-impact-updates]

Version 4.6 Event Wishes Notice - Phase I

Travelers, stock up on weapons and characters in the event wish to make your party stronger in combat!

Event Wish "The Hearth's Ashen Shadow" - Boosted Drop Rate for "Dire Balemoon" Arlecchino (Pyro)!

〓Event Wish Duration〓

After the Version 4.6 update—2024/5/14 17:59:00

〓Event Wish Details〓

● During this event wish, the event-exclusive 5-star character "Dire Balemoon" Arlecchino (Pyro) will receive a huge drop-rate boost!

● During this event wish, the 4-star characters "Yearning for Unseen Depths" Freminet (Cryo), "Elegance in the Shadows" Lynette (Anemo), and "Exquisite Delicacy" Xiangling (Pyro) will receive a huge drop-rate boost!

※ Of the above characters, the event-exclusive character will not be available in the standard wish "Wanderlust Invocation."

※ This is for "Character Event Wish." The wish guarantee count for "Character Event Wish" and "Character Event Wish-2" is shared, and is accumulated between both "Character Event Wish" and "Character Event Wish-2." This wish guarantee count is independent of the guarantee counts of other types of wishes.

※ The "Test Run" trial event will be open during this event wish. Travelers may use fixed lineups containing the selected trial characters to enter specific stages and test them out. Travelers that complete the challenges will receive the corresponding rewards!

※ For more information, go to the Wish screen and select Details in the bottom-left corner.

Event Wish "Conjuring Chiaroscuro" - Boosted Drop Rate for "Spectacle of Phantasmagoria" Lyney (Pyro)!

〓Event Wish Duration〓

After the Version 4.6 update—2024/5/14 17:59:00

〓Event Wish Details〓

● During this event wish, the event-exclusive 5-star character "Spectacle of Phantasmagoria" Lyney (Pyro) will receive a huge drop-rate boost!

● During this event wish, the 4-star characters "Yearning for Unseen Depths" Freminet (Cryo), "Elegance in the Shadows" Lynette (Anemo), and "Exquisite Delicacy" Xiangling (Pyro) will receive a huge drop-rate boost!

※ Of the above characters, the event-exclusive character will not be available in the standard wish "Wanderlust Invocation."

※ This is for "Character Event Wish-2." The wish guarantee count for "Character Event Wish" and "Character Event Wish-2" is shared, and is accumulated between both "Character Event Wish" and "Character Event Wish-2." This wish guarantee count is independent of the guarantee counts of other types of wishes.

※ The "Test Run" trial event will be open during this event wish. Travelers may use fixed lineups containing the selected trial characters to enter specific stages and test them out. Travelers that complete the challenges will receive the corresponding rewards!

※ For more information, go to the Wish screen and select Details in the bottom-left corner.

Event Wish "Epitome Invocation" - Boosted Drop Rate for Crimson Moon's Semblance (Polearm) and The First Great Magic (Bow)!

〓Event Wish Duration〓

After the Version 4.6 update—2024/5/14 17:59:00

〓Event Wish Details〓

● During this event wish, the event-exclusive 5-star weapons Crimson Moon's Semblance (Polearm) and The First Great Magic (Bow) will receive a huge drop-rate boost!

● During this event wish, the event-exclusive 4-star weapons The Dockhand's Assistant (Sword), Portable Power Saw (Claymore), as well as the 4-star weapons Dragon's Bane (Polearm), Eye of Perception (Catalyst), and Favonius Warbow (Bow) will receive a huge drop-rate boost!

● During this event wish, use Epitomized Path to chart a course towards a promotional 5-star weapon, such as Crimson Moon's Semblance (Polearm) or The First Great Magic (Bow). For more information on Epitomized Path, go to the Wish screen and select Details in the bottom-left corner.

※ Of the above weapons, the event-exclusive weapons will not be available in the standard wish "Wanderlust Invocation."

※ For more information, go to the Wish screen and select Details in the bottom-left corner.

[stepbrorafe]

Movie Night - RC

summary : a sleepover w stepbro rafe takes a turn

warnings : swearing, stepcest, somnophilia(dubcon?), fingering, oral, idk idk

a/n : my first lil fic type deal on this acc :) feel free to send in reqs or comment opinions or just talk to me <3

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

“What?” Rafe’s deep voice called out from the other side of the door.

You slowly twist the knob, pushing the door open, eyes instantly meeting his bare back as he leaned over his bed.

“I said ‘what’, I didn’t say come-“ He starts, cutting himself off as he turns to you.

You sheepishly smile, “Sorry, I was just wondering if you wanted to maybe have a movie night?”

His eyebrows furrowed together, confusion plastering itself across his face. Your smile slightly falters as he doesn’t respond for a moment.

“Where’s Sarah and Wheezie?” He questions, as they’re who you usually hang out with.

“Wheezie’s sleeping, Sarah’s where she always sneaks off to anymore.” You mumble, “Just figured maybe me and you could have a sleepover or something. It’s okay though.”

He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t want to have a movie night with you. He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t want even more than that. He absolutely loves whenever you’re around, yet he hates it at the same time.

He can’t help but drink in the way you move, the way you speak, the way you seem so innocent yet so naughty. In all honesty, his believing you have a naughty side is purely delusional. You’ve done nothing of the sort to incline you’re anything but innocent. Maybe that’s what it is though. Maybe he just wants to prove that you can be a slut. A slut for him.

Just as you’re turning around to leave, his voice stops you, “What are we watching?”

Your lips twist up in a smile, one that he has to purse his lips from mirroring. You close the door, sauntering over to his bed in your short little bottoms and thin tank top.

“We can watch whatever.” You say, crawling into his bed.

His eyes bore into the way you make yourself comfortable on his blankets, your smooth legs crossing along his bed. He swallows the accumulating saliva, flicking the light off and joining you.

He grabs the remote from his nightstand, passing it to you to choose a movie, stating, “Anything but a chick flick.”

The giggle falls from your lips so effortlessly, causing him to clear his throat and avert his eyes from you.

The night progresses with several movies before you find yourself sound asleep beside Rafe. He isn’t so lucky as sleep refuses to wash over him.

Instead, he’s left staring at you while you snooze. Your cheeks are slightly squished, causing your lips to form into a pout. Your long lashes rest on your cheeks, casting shadows along your skin. Your hair falls into your face, and he can’t help but brush it behind your ear, letting his fingers linger momentarily.

His eyes lower, taking in the way your cleavage is on show as your tank top is bunched below your tits. Your collarbones so prominent, the soft moonlight, shining through from the window, hitting them with a cool glow.

His gaze continues down your body, boring into the skin of your stomach showing as your shirt rides up. It also reveals the waistband of your small shorts. The shorts that barely cover the curve of your ass. In fact, he can see it clear as day. His eyes rake down the rest of you, soaking in the way your plump thighs damn near swallow your bottoms. Your smooth legs resting atop of one another, begging to be spread.

He can’t help the growing of his cock, now straining against his boxers, aching to be released. He lets out a breath, his eyes closing as he revels in the dirty fantasies he’s having.

He so badly wants to pull your legs apart and kiss you through the fabric of your shorts. He wants to squeeze your tits as he buries himself in you, swallowing all the pretty little sounds you make.

He lets out a hiss as his hand rests on his covered cock, adding just the slightest bit of pressure, seeking relief.

Before he can stop himself, he’s scooting closer to you. His arm wraps around your waist, pulling you back into him. He has to hold back a groan as your ass presses into his bulge.

Completely oblivious the state he’s in, you push back ever further, enjoying the cuddles from your stepbrother.

His hand slides down to your exposed stomach, rubbing small patterns into the skin, taking notice in the way goosebumps form beneath his touch. He can’t help but smirk at that.

You let out a soft hum, still in a deep unconscious state. His hand slowly trails higher, traveling up your torso. His hand halts when he feels your boob. You’re not wearing a bra.

He almost groans at the thought, convincing himself that you did it on purpose. That you want him to touch you. And so he does.

His hand fully engulfs your bare tit, squeezing it so firmly. You stir in your sleep, rolling onto your back. His eyes glimmer at the access you’re unknowingly giving him.

He pinches your hard nipple before removing his hand, and sliding it to the waistband of your shorts. Without hassle, his fingers poke into your bottoms, trailing further down. He tosses his head back at the notion of you not wearing any panties either. You’re practically begging to be fucked.

Taking in your sleeping figure, he lets his fingers go lower, sliding over your bare lips, groaning when he feels your arousal seeping through.

“I knew you were a slut.” He mumbles into your shoulder.

His fingers prod at your slit, pushing your lips open as he rubs you up and down. You let out a small, almost inaudible, moan from the feeling.

Rafe licks his lips, slowly circling your clit with two fingers. He can feel your body slightly tremble against him. Without a second thought, his fingers slide down to your entrance, pushing into you.

The action makes your body jump, instantly pulling you from your dreamy state. Your eyes flutter a few times, taking in what’s happening. Your heart rate picks up and your eyes widen, acknowledging the fact that your stepbrother has his fingers slowly pumping in and out of you.

“Rafe!” You gasp, attempting to push his hand away.

“Shh, you’re okay.” He whispers into your ear, his opposite hand holding you in place.

“W-what are you doing?” You panic, your body tensing as he continues to fuck his digits into you.

“Isn’t it obvious?” He quips, curling his fingers into your spongy walls.

It pulls a moan from you, one that you try to hide away as your cheeks burn bright with embarrassment.

You shake your head, “Stop. This is wrong, you’re my brother.”

“Stepbrother.” He corrects through gritted teeth.

His pace speeds up, the squelching sound filling in the room. Your brows knit together as you bite back your moans, the feeling being all too pleasurable.

“Do you really want me to stop?” He breathes against you. “Just tell me to stop and I will.”

Your mind races with a million thoughts a second, yet you feel blank at the same time. There’s no denying how good you feel right now, and how attracted you’ve felt towards Rafe. You always swallowed those feelings down, knowing it’s not right. But right here, right now, you don’t seem to care about anything else other than the feeling of his fingers working you.

“No, no.” You moan, your back arching. “Please don’t stop.”

He smirks, “That’s my girl.”

Next thing you know, he’s in between your legs, tongue lapping at your wetness as his fingers thrust in and out of you. Your hands tangle in his hair, tugging at the strands as you buck your hips into his face while soft moans fall from your lips. You can practically feel his smirk as he pulls you closer.

“Taste so good, sound so pretty.” He coos, sucking up your juices. “Always knew you’d be a mess for me.”

You whine at his words, feeling your orgasm sneaking up on you. It doesn’t take long. His lips puckering around your clit and sucking harshly brings you over the edge. The guilt you have for letting him touch you dissipates as euphoria floods your veins. Your body convulses, legs shaking as you let go. He moans against your pussy, devouring everything you have to give him.

You’re left panting, coming down from the delicious high he gave you. He sits up, licking your remaining arousal from his lips. Scooting back up next to you, he pulls you into him once more, burying his face in your hair.

“What are you doing?” You whisper, still breathless.

“Thought you wanted to have a sleepover.” He mumbles, leaving you in a state of shock at what just took place.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚

tags : @sunkissedrafe @wickedtactics @bunnycvnts @butterflyoceandreams

[narcissistshandler]

Hello! Can you make a Joker(windbreaker)X top male reader? Where the reader becomes jealous because Joker is always with Wooin and pays little attention to him and as a form of punishment he fucks Joker and makes him cum several times. Please!

𝗠𝗬 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗧𝗬

pairing. joker x male reader

warnings. sub!bottom joker, top!dom! reader, amab!reader, anal fingering, overstimulation, anal sex, jealous!reader

a/n. hope you like it ♡

From the beginning, you knew you weren't Joker's number one priority. There was a list with several names and even though yours was in a high position, you weren't in first place and despite accepting that he had his brothers to take care of, you absolutely couldn't bear that Wooin was apparently more important than you.

The motherfucker.

If you could, you would have long since cut off the relationship between the two, but Joker wasn't willing to talk about that, that wasn't a viable discussion. And Wooin, how amused he was knowing that not only did you not like him, but you were jealous of him and he reveled in that fact. At this point, only Joker seemed oblivious to the tension between you and Wooin.

But fuck Wooin, he couldn't have Joker and he couldn't have him like only you could, sprawled out on the bed that seemed small beneath his stature, his feet right on the edge and his head reaching the headboard. Completely naked, for your eyes only, sweat forming on the muscles of his stomach.

"One more?" you asked, tone slightly breathless just from watching Joker like this, supple, relaxed and submissive in your hands. His legs were spread around you, draped over your knees, and you watched in pure delight as his well-worked muscles bounced as your three fingers plunged into his red hole, which tightened and made a wet sound in response.

Delicious.

Joker turned his face into the wet pillow, avoiding eye contact, the messy silver locks falling over his dark eyes helping to shadow his expression of pleasure. "Uh- yes," he said, his low, husky voice eliciting a twitch from your cock. Who knew Joker could be so shy in bed? But shyness had never stopped him from surrender completely to your desires.

Everything Wooin said was ridiculous, but he wasn't completely wrong when he said that you were completely in love with Joker. The slightest thing about Joker used to make you crazy and almost instantly hard — which wasn't much fun when in public.

Your fingers spread inside him, stretching his insides, that cock lying beautifully on his stomach and over the wet puddle that grew every minute, contracted, expelling even more fluid. Sweat and semen accumulated from all the previous two orgasms.

"Of course you would say yes. You'll be able to handle as many orgasms as I want to get out of you, right, love?" you asked, sounding amused and Joker made a sound in response that might have been a laugh or a grunt, but that was immediately cut off when your digits curved and hit his prostate. "Look at you, so eager to be good."

His lower body left the bed, teeth pressing together to stifle the sounds that wanted to come out as without mercy, you attacked his swollen prostate, again, again and again. The liquid that had collected like a puddle on his torso quickly ran down his sides, dripping onto the bed. Free hand on the curve of his hip, you tried to keep him still, but Joker was stronger than you even with the tension coursing through each of his muscles and you could only watch as the violent pleasure passed like a shock through him; the bed beneath you creaking with his struggles, threatening to break.

Joker's cock jumped, strong legs twitching, feet digging into the mattress as he worked both against and away from your fingers. Obeying your desire to make him cum until nothing else came out even though sensitivity attacked all his senses. He would let you mistreat him without a word against it and today you would take advantage of it.

"You're so fucking hot," You said, watching pre-cum drip like water from the red tip of his member, "Don't hold back, I want to see you cum for me again."

Joker grunted, fingers turning white where he gripped the pillow and sheets, "Ah, f-fuck." His legs tightened around you, tensing so hard it must have hurt, his hole clenched sensually around your fingers and with a snap, he obeyed and spilled once more onto his own stomach, a tremor shaking his entire body. Small gasps and grunts left Joker's mouth, his toes curling as his cock struggled to spill something.

"[name], oh, I d-don't think I can-"

It was cute how he didn't ask or order you to stop, but instead merely tried to convince you. Adorable really, but it only made you want to ruin him even more. Maybe then, he would remember who he belonged to and maybe then, he would listen to you when you told him to keep his distance from Wooin.

"You can," you cut him off, slowly easing your fingers out of him through the contractions of his core. "See you're still hard as a rock. Don't give up on me now, I'm not done with you yet."

Joker merely nodded in weak agreement, the aftershocks of orgasm passing through him and his cock visibly twitching as it failed to expel any liquid other than the small amount that now dripped from his belly button.

Your eyes ran through him, watching the tension and residual pleasure dance across his firm muscles, the hole struggling to close around nothing, lubricant leaking from him. You were once again reminded of your own cock, painfully hard between your legs.

A ring then sounded from the nightstand and Joker immediately stirred, trying to sit up to reach his cell phone. You pushed him back, making him lie down.

"Did I say you could get up?" Joker looked from you to the nightstand and then shook his head. "Well then, lie down, I’ll see who’s calling," you said, briefly pushing your need to the side in favor of reaching for the cell phone, knowing it could be an emergency.

"[name]," Joker has rushed, discontentedly lying naked and with his legs tensed around your hips. "Who is it?"

You turned his phone so you could see the screen and the ringing seemed to become even more unbearable when you read the name of the contact who was calling. Wooin.

"Who is it?"

"No one important. Spam," you replied through gritted teeth, quickly declining the call before Joker could ask to see for himself and putting the phone back.

You repositioned yourself between his legs, feeling anger stir in your chest as you aligned the head of your cock against Joker's smooth hole and with one push, sank inside. Joker's eyes rolled back into his skull, one hand shooting out to grab your arm in an attempt to anchor himself, to hold on to something, anything. But it was a vain attempt.

Damn Wooin, you thought, teeth clenched, fingers and nails digging into Joker's lean hips to keep him still as you fucked him, hard and deep and brutal. You knew that if you told Joker that it was Wooin calling, he would definitely want to answer, if Wooin called him somewhere, he would immediately go. It could be a temporary resolution, which would only work today, but whatever, later you would remind Wooin that he didn't own Joker and today you would remind Joker who did.

Joker's sweet hole convulsed around your cock, the wet glide allowing each intense thrust to be smooth and slick. After the long hour you spent working your fingers inside him, the friction and stretching was practically nil, it was easy to ravage his hole like that. As always, his body surrendered under your attention, his cock pathetically verging on a semi-hard state, wet like a woman, twitching non-stop but not splashing anything.

Underneath the blood rushing through your ears you heard your cell phone start ringing again. Joker opened his mouth, attention shifting to the source of the sound, but you cut him off before anything was even said:

"Touch your dick."

He was still looking at the nightstand, but seeming like a purely instinctive reaction his hand left the pillow and reached for his cock, the sensitivity making him hiss through his teeth, ass clenching like a glove around you. Still, he pulled his overstimulated member through slow, tight pulls, stopping himself from going limp, without questioning even as his entire body contracted, trying to shrink and escape the stimulation.

"I don't... I don't think I can c-cum anymore," he said, those black eyes finally shifting to meet yours. Sweat stuck to his hair, a trail of drool running down his scarred chin.

"No? Now come on, if you can still talk you can still cum, am I right?" you asked through gritted teeth, each word dripping with venom as you continued to move, slamming into him hard enough that each time your crotch met his ass, the painful shock of impact went through you.

Joker just nodded in response, vertebrae flexing around his length. Seeming to notice that you weren't going to let him go anytime soon, this time he spared his words, he didn't even beg or ask for mercy, he would let you go as far as you wanted, you both knew. Fuck his ass raw? Stimulate his dick until he couldn't even get hard again? You could, always, he was yours.

You grabbed his thighs and pushed them towards his chest, moving him into a position where you could reach deeper and fuck Joker until he forgot how to talk.

"Ugh- ah, [n-name]," Joker whimpers, softly, teeth sunk into his thin lower lip.

You lean in to take his mouth for a kiss, forcing his legs even more, whether it hurts or not he doesn't say, he just parts his lips for you and looks at you with those normally cold eyes, now full of unshed tears. Your amused laugh fades when your mouth connects with his, feeling his hand working on his cock rubbing against your stomach.

The muscles grow hard beneath your fingers and tension runs through Joker's entire body as the new position makes your dick briefly touch his prostate and a new wave of tremors shakes his bones. Contained and silent sounds leave his mouth and invade yours, hoarse moans dying in his throat as another orgasm passes through him, heated and brief, like a warm-up for what would follow.

Your tongue flicked against his, saliva mixing. You didn't even notice the sound of the wood giving way and creaking, not until the thud sounded and the bed gave way under the violence of your blows. Joker pulled his mouth away from yours with a surprised exclamation at the same time the legs of the bed buckled and the structure fell.

"The bed broke."

"It's okay, leave it alone, I'm not done with you yet." The bed didn't matter, what mattered was fucking Joker to the point of exhaustion and just like that, your hips shot up, back inside the cozy heat of those sweet tight walls.

The incessant sound of the cell phone ringing occasionally faded under the sound of bodies meeting and creaking wood. Joker coming apart beneath you like the submissive puppy he was, a vision that only belonged to your eyes.

[wilteddreamsofbaldursgate]

Thinking about Astarion having to deal with his reclaimed mortality once the initial euphoria of it is wearing off: 

When he’s startled from sleep, woken by his own racing heartbeat. 

Him jumping at the movement in the corner of his eye, only to find it’s just his own reflection staring right back at him, puzzled, before he watches his cheeks redden with embarrassment. 

The sun slowly losing its appeal as time goes on because Astarion keeps getting nasty sunburns after days spent outside, trying to make up for centuries confined to darkness. Whenever he comes home with itching skin and drenched in sweat, he finds himself almost missing hiding in the shadows. 

The odd sensation of feeling more and less at the same time: while some of his senses are now dulled to better suit mortality, others feel heightened to the point of sensory overload—a gust of wind feels like fire licking at his skin and he gets so very anxious whenever he loses Tav in the crowd, unable to distinguish them by the once divine scent of their blood any longer. 

Since he has a reliant supply of his own blood pumping through his veins now, he’s feeling aroused so much easier and more often than not at quite inconvenient times. He enjoyed having sex with Tav before, but now that he’s mortal again, he finds that he’s having to overthink intimacy once again—where his desires used to be driven by burning hunger, lust now feels like a pleasant, more natural bodily reaction. Having to seriously consider contraceptive measures, should his partner be able to get pregnant, is also a rather novel experience for him.  

Bathing still feels as good as before, at least. But where he spent hours in the bathroom out of pointless vanity then, Astarion now has to wash himself because his body would stink of sweat and, well, life otherwise. It will be years before he openly excuses himself for having to use the bathroom whenever nature calls.

And food—food would be the hardest to adjust to. It takes a lot of trial and error to find something that pleases his virgin taste buds (although he swears there’re some odd pieces of memories flashing in front of his eyes whenever he's snacking on wild strawberries or awfully sweet citron tarts). He ends up acquiring a taste for raw cookie dough, shredded cheese and sardines, eating little else for the next two years or so. To everyone's astonishment, he's gotten food poisoning only once or twice.

Astarion is no stranger to pain or injury, but he’s appalled by how long it takes to recover from the most minor cuts and bruises. It’s a well-kept secret between him and Tav that his first common cold had him convinced he was dying for a fortnight straight. 

Crying is much easier now, too.

Ironically, it’s mortality that forces Astarion to strive for more permanent, detail-oriented plans for the future. Now that life is finite, he wants to use the time he has wisely. He might keep travelling the realms until he breathes his last, or settle down, eventually. He might learn a new profession or accumulate some wealth in less honest ways. Maybe, one day, he wants to have a family, heirs to whatever he decides to make his own. 

Once Astarion has come to terms with being a mortal elf again, he realises living is not just about a beating heart. Living is about having endless possibilities but limited time. Choices and decisions that lead to only one thing: death. 

Now that Astarion is living again, he finally understands that death is just another part of the journey.