#an episode that apparently is more disturbing the second time i watch it

[goabstract]

Nog grew from some kid in ds9 to one of the characters whose episodes are used to carry the heaviest messages.

[odo-apologist]

Thinking about Out of Time, specifically the ending, which, in my opinion, is one of the best Rimmer scenes of the franchise. It's one of those moments- like his sacrifice for Nirvannah in Holoship or his insistence that Lister burn his soldiers in Marooned as a gesture of friendship- that hint at the potential that he has, deep down, of being noble, heroic, kind. What's particularly interesting about this scene, though, is that up to this point, Rimmer has often been shown as having a fascination with power, with militarism and fascist aesthetics. This is among his worst, most dangerous traits. You see the extreme outcome of it in Meltdown, what I think is Rimmer at his most abhorrent; he is the cause of the death of an entire group of people all because he wanted to live out his power fantasy of being a strategic military general, watching the battle at a distance like he describes in Marooned. Of course, as others have pointed out in their own posts, Rimmer's desire for/adoration of power likely comes more from his desire to be loved and prove he's deserving of love, but its consequences can be horrific. In Out of Time, when he encounters a version of himself that is an *actual* fascist sympathizer/apologist, he is disgusted. He is the one who wants to fight and who says, "Better dead than smeg." Whereas his future self says he would rather die than live like rats as the present crew do, our Rimmer would rather die fighting than live a life of ease and comfort while rubbing shoulders with bloodthirsty, power-crazed dictators.

And I think it's really interesting that the episode before this one is Rimmerworld. The aspect I often think about (that I wouldn't be surprised a lot of other fans also often think about) is Rimmer's 550+ years of imprisonment. It's such a disturbing concept, being kept in solitude for that inconceivably long, that its apparent dismissive treatment as a joke and lack of any real impact on Rimmer haunts me a little bit and I'm glad there are a few fics out there that explore the aftermath more thoroughly. But before he ends up in that situation, he 1. Abandons the others- the seemingly only people who have ever come close to caring about him- to die, leaving them to flee in an escape pod, and 2. Creates a civilization of clones of himself that he clearly bases off of the Roman Empire (a notable inspiration for many fascists). The first is significant because it shows the contrast between his cowardice in that situation and his lack of it in Out of Time. But the second point here, about the creation of his civilization, may show why that contrast happens between episodes, the reason for it. The civilization of Rimmerworld, based on an obsession with power, inspired by what we can assume is Rimmer's own idealized view of the Romans and empire in general, is the same that causes his centuries of suffering. So the next episode, when he sees another version of himself willing to get along with the kind of people like those who imprisoned him (who, albeit, were also versions of him)...I don't know, maybe the events of Rimmerworld did have some notable effect on him after all, at least for a while; maybe that's why he was so sure in his decision that the crew fight even though he knows they'll die trying.

Or maybe I'm just being ridiculous and overthinking things

[abeautylives]

Times I Remember Well

(and Some That I Don’t)

Part 2

author’s note: The word "skivvies" means underwear. Apparently not everyone knows that lol

pairing: female!OCxjake

time frame: 2014-2016

word count: 7k this part

warnings: language, more teenage angst, illicit substance use, underage drinking, mentions of sex and sexual situations, fingering, angry Sam

I was serious when I said I couldn’t show my face at the Kiszka household for a while. 

Sam showed up at my front door the next afternoon, and immediately started making fun of me for being rejected by his brother. 

“Oh Joshy, why won’t you kiss me?!” Complete with immature kissy sounds and puppy dog eyes.

I could only wonder what Josh had told him happened. He wouldn’t tell me. Menace.

It was one thing to hang out with Sam so soon after the incident, but there was no way I could be around Josh. Or even Jake.

The more I thought about that night (which was a lot), the more I over-analyzed Jake’s reaction to his twin cozying up to me.

Was I crazy to think that he was mad at me? Or at Josh? The look on his face had been murderous (it got even more murdery every time I thought about it). Had I imagined that?

Because I’m the luckiest girl on earth, I didn’t have to wait that long to find out.

After three weeks of avoiding their house all together, Sam convinced me to come by for a smoke sesh in the garage. Same as always, the usual, totally casual. I knocked twice on the door and let myself in, sat on the old throw rug right next to Sam, joined the rotation with Danny on the couch across from me and Sam to my left. Around and round it went, while I refused to meet the eyes of anyone in the room but Sammy.

Jake sat upon his ugly floral throne and Josh was tucked into the corner of the couch beside him. I risked peeking up at them, back and forth, whenever I knew they weren’t paying attention. 

They were so different. More different than I had ever realized, but Josh seemed okay - a little quiet but he smiled easily and laughed freely. I don’t think Jake even glanced in my direction once, but I was too scared to look at him for too long, so who knows.

Eventually, Sam smoked too much. He did this almost every time, you’d think he’d have figured it out by then. He laid himself flat out on the cement floor and dozed off, so I asked Danny to toss me one of the dingy throw pillows from the couch. 

“Here, stupid.” I shoved Sam’s shoulder and he stirred enough to lift his head, I stuffed the pillow underneath it. He went out like a light.

Jake chose the moment Sam passed out to stand from the chair. He stayed there for a second, and I could see him from the corner of my eye. Just standing there, like a total weirdo! So yeah, I looked up at him. Don’t you worry, he was already looking down at me and our eyes locked. Of course they did.

His expression was pretty neutral but made me feel squirmy anyway, so I blinked and looked at Josh instead. You guessed it, he was already looking at me too! Except he’s perfectly lovely and sweet, so he grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

“Come grab some snacks with me, Tiny.”

Nope, Josh didn’t say that. I nearly snapped my neck jerking my head back up to Jake. “C’mon, T.”

When we were still in middle school, Sam and I would sometimes watch reruns of The Twilight Zone, have you ever seen that show? Each episode was a story about some seriously weird and disturbing shit, alternate realities.

This was like that. I had entered the Twilight Zone.

Josh was my only option for help, so I obviously looked over at Danny instead. He was melting into the couch again, lightweight.

“Let’s go.” This Jake was freaking me out. I mean, he didn’t talk to me much under normal circumstances, but he definitely never asked me to go anywhere with him. Let alone demanded it.

“Okay!” Once again, I embarrassed myself under this roof. My voice came out strained and squeaky. Let’s blame it on the dry mouth. 

He skirted around the chair and out the side door, and my body just got up to follow him. Traitor! I stepped over Sam and before I made it to the door, Josh’s hand shot out and grabbed my wrist.

“Hey, you okay?”

Ugh, he’s so perfect. 

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine but he’s being so weird, right?” Right?!

“He is. He’s been kinda weird for a couple weeks, even with me. But uh… Good luck in there, missed you around here.” He released his hold on my wrist and chuckled. Traitor!

My possible friendship with Josh was tenuous at best, but I was considering a forever type of silent treatment after this betrayal. I sucked a few deep breaths into my lungs before I walked into the house, and when I made it to the kitchen, Jake was leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. He hadn’t even pulled any snacks out. He lifted his eyes to me as I walked in, and did that flippy thing with the hair that always flopped over them.

“What’s up Biebs?” He hated that (he and Sam both did, it was great), and I knew he hated that, but he was getting on my nerves with his attention, with his demands. I could see the hate written all over his face, but I crossed the kitchen and leaned into the counter across from him. Then I matched his wide-legged stance, crossed my arms, and scowled. We stared at each other for a beat, my underarms started to sweat before he responded. 

“Where have you been the last few weekends?”

What do you mean he’d noticed I hadn’t been here? Was he for real?

“Uhh, I’ve been around, I guess. What do you care?”

“You avoiding us, Tiny?” He adjusted his stance, straightening up to his full height (a whopping half inch taller than me - what is it with these guys?) but kept his arms across his chest. His hair had fallen back into his eyes and he flipped it away, and I just stared at him in silence. “Something happen the last time you were here?”

What do you know, dickhead?

“Like what, Jacob?” I smoothed out the scowl from between my eyebrows and batted my lashes at him. I’m so innocent! He did not like it. His arms dropped to his sides and he pushed himself away from the counter. In less than a second he was standing right in front of me. In a fraction of that, he had leaned in close, the tip of his nose nearly touching mine. I tried to back away, arching my back over the edge of the counter, but he moved in further.

Now my back was sweating.

“Did you fool around with my brother?”

Jesus. His question breezed over my lips and his words shot straight to my gut. It wasn’t like the soft caress of Josh’s voice asking what I was doing when I’d been begging him to kiss me. This wasn’t like that at all. 

“Uh-“ Yeah yeah, I had to clear my throat. I think I stopped breathing. “Who? Sammy? Gross, dude.”

Deflect! Deflect!

“Did you fuck Josh, T?”

WHAT?!

I pushed him away from me. I couldn’t breathe!

“What the hell are you talking about, Jake? Of course I didn’t… do that!” I’d never done that, with anyone, had he lost his mind?

“Then why is he acting so weird? And why haven’t you been here since that night?” He really seemed surprised that I hadn’t fu- had sex with Josh on the couch in the garage. What kind of girl did he take me for?

“Ask him yourself, asshole!”

“I did! Multiple times! He won’t say shit and says you guys are just friends, but that doesn’t explain why you’ve been too chicken-shit to show your face!”

Why was he so close to me again? I put a palm squarely in the middle of his chest, ready to push his ass to the floor if I had to, but he wrapped his fingers around my wrist and squeezed. Kinda hard.

“My own brother won’t tell me the truth and it’s your fault.” He pushed my hand back into my own chest. “What did you do to him?”

I was truly at a loss for words, so I uttered a few that I honestly had never said to anyone before. Not even Sam.

“Fuck you, Jake.”

But he didn’t even move! His face sort of twisted up, like he was confused, but I don’t think I could have been any more clear.

“Grow up, Tiny.”

Ugh, when did he learn how to push all my buttons? “You grow up, and mind your own business you creep. What, are you jealous I kissed Josh and not you?”

You should’ve seen it, seriously. You had to be there. He sprung away from me like I’d electrocuted him. 

“You are! Oh this is hilarious, you’re jealous.” I had to say it, the look on his face was a mixture of disgust and embarrassment. I couldn’t believe it. “Do you like me Jake? Huh? You wanna kiss me Jake?”

There’s no excuse for that one. I still don’t know why I said it. But then, ohhhh then, he rushed back into my space, wrapped both hands around the base of my skull, and slammed his lips against mine.

See? Luckiest girl on earth.

A lot of things happened in a span of a very few seconds. 

The weight of his body pushed me into the counter pretty hard, but I barely registered the pain. My first reaction was obviously shock, confusion, but it quickly turned into acceptance and my lips went from stiff against his to soft and welcoming.

Yep. I kissed him back.

My hands flew up and wrapped around his wrists, and he actually gripped my hair. I gasped into the kiss and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. He groaned, I moaned and-

“Seriously?!”

We bounced apart like the opposite poles of two magnets. Jake didn’t stop moving backwards until he hit the counter across from me.

“This is seriously fucked up, guys.” Sam stood in the doorway of the kitchen, eyes red and unfocused, but they landed on me. “Go home, T. I shouldn’t have even asked you to come here.”

Before I could argue or even get upset with him, he turned out of the room and was gone.

I was confused. Very confused. My heart was still beating erratically in my chest and my breaths didn’t feel right either. Of all the people on the planet, I had to look to Jake effing Kiszka for help.

“Jake…” My voice came out small, weak.

For a minute, he just shook his head. My vision went a little blurry.

I am not going to cry in front of another one of these idiots!

“Jake.” Stronger that time, better. “Why did you do that?”

“Why did you?”

“You kissed me first! I-“

“You liked it.”

No, no I did not. I loved it. There was enough potential that I could’ve been smitten with it.

“You’re disgusting.” As I found my voice, I also found some anger. That anger coerced my feet into action, and I found myself toe to toe with him again. I pushed a finger right into his chest, for good measure. “Don’t ever-“

I learned a few things that night. One thing was that Jake was a really terrible listener. 

He didn’t grab me again, he didn’t crowd me or slam his mouth to mine. He just leaned forward and let his lips hover over mine. That shut me up real quick. 

“You sure, T?” Ugh, he whispered. And it was sexy, and seductive.

Another thing I learned that night was that Jake was a real prick.

Because he whispered those words across my lips, wrapped his hands around my upper arms and spun us around, backed me into the counter…

And walked away.

With all that being said, that might have been the night I started falling for Jake Kiszka. But I don’t really remember.

Sam didn’t speak a word to me for six days.

He was really mad at me! Or at least I figured he was, since he sent me away and said I never should have been there to begin with. And he ignored all my texts. And calls. Shit, I even emailed him once.

I passed him in the halls at school all week, tried to catch his attention from a distance, watched him purposefully look past me, or through me each time.

I had really fucked up.

On the seventh day, he gave it a rest. A full week since incident #2, he texted me. 

sammy: I’m sorry too

That was it. I had apologized a hundred unanswered times, pleaded with him to just talk to me, for a week. After so much silent treatment, I didn’t really know how to address it.

Me: my dad wants me to stay with him for the summer

That was true. My dad always wanted me to stay with him for the summer, but I usually chose to stay home and traded out the other, shorter holiday breaks with him. I hadn’t seriously been considering it, until incident #2.

sammy: In Traverse? Are you gonna go?

Me: yeah. 

What did you expect me to say? I needed to get out of the bubble that was our town and away from all the testosterone. Granted, Traverse City is only like three hours away, but that was pretty far for a kid with no license.

Sam didn’t text me back. I was glad I was leaving.

School let out for the summer and my dad picked me up that weekend. Traverse City isn’t all that different from home, aside from triple the population. There’s plenty to do outdoors - beaches and trails - but my dad didn’t exactly provide the same kind of company as Sam. 

When you’re running free with your best friend, the break never seems long enough. This was the longest summer I could remember, but by early July Sam and I were back on regular speaking terms. We texted all the time, and eventually accepted each other’s apologies. 

But after not hearing from him at all before I left town, the first time he reached out was not all that fun.

sammy: Can I ask you a question 

Me: shoot

sammy: Why did it have to be my brothers?

Me: …

Me: what do you mean

sammy: You could make out with ANYONE else

sammy: Why them?

So Josh did tell him something. 

Me: Josh told you we kissed?

sammy: That’s not an answer.

The truth? You know the truth. I started crushing on Josh sometime between his bare chest at Fischer Hall and the skintight jeans with the peace sign patch on the ass that he started wearing later that summer. 

But I still didn’t know what the hell had happened with Jake.

Me: i already said i was sorry sam. I. AM. SORRY. 

Me: i really did like josh… he doesn’t like me back

Me: but i DID NOT KISS JAKE!!! He kissed ME and i have no clue why

Me: I DO NOT LIKE HIM, I HATE HIM

Look, I rarely lied to Sam. I had no reason to. But that text? That was a big fat lie.

How could I tell him that not only did I not hate Jake, I liked kissing Jake. I wanted to kiss Jake again. I wanted to learn how he did it, what his moves were, what made him-

No. Couldn’t tell baby brother all that. So I lied, and I avoided at all costs. 

Back to the best of friends by August, Sam was waiting in my driveway the day my dad dropped me off. We spent the last week of the summer attached at the hip again, but I didn’t step foot in his house for a very long time.

The Friday after my eighteenth birthday, Sammy threw me a party. That I didn’t ask for.

I rarely hung out with him at his own house anymore, and if I did it was only when I knew for certain that Jake wasn’t home. 

Josh and I had developed a sort of friendly relationship over the last couple years, stemming from a run-in at a movie theater. I was on a date (it went terribly), Josh was on a date (I asked him about it later and yes, that guy liked him back!), we fumbled awkwardly through hellos and introductions. He told me he missed seeing me around.

Those five words were enough to convince me that it would be okay to go to the house if he was there.

But not Jake. Never Jake.

So imagine my utter shock and horror when I knocked twice on the garage door, slipped underneath it, and found the room packed full of people.

“SURPRISE!!!”

Fuck me, right? No one likes surprise parties. I particularly hate them. Especially when I’m standing there like an idiot, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, taking in an unexpected mass of people and my stupid eyes lock on Jake stupid Kiszka.

And he smirked. Asshole.

“I’m not ready to leave you.”

Despite the garage full of our friends, I still ended up on Sam’s lap in the ugly chair, a little buzzed and kind of weepy. I tucked my face into his shoulder.

Don’t judge me. I’d already done a few hours worth of dancing, laughing and drinking. And avoiding the proverbial elephant in the room. It was exhausting. 

He shrugged off my concerns. “When I’m famous, you can just drop out and come on tour with us.” He raised his beer up to me, so I tapped mine against it. Cheers to adulthood, I guess. 

“You better get famous, you dick. Or even better, fail miserably and come live in Ann Arbor with me.”

In a month, I was graduating. It's not like I was leaving for college right away, but the reality of being eighteen was weighing on me. Sam’s reality was even heavier.

The fucking band was getting noticed. Being seen. What was I gonna do if they took off, if he left me and Michigan behind?

“Cheer up, T. This is supposed to be a party.” He squeezed me with the arm wrapped around my waist.

“Yeah yeah. I’m fine… I’m just gonna miss you.”

He was really great sometimes, my best friend. He reached down and sat his beer on the floor, then wrapped both arms around me. “I’ll miss you too, you know that.”

I let my eyes close for a minute and just enjoyed it, then sighed heavily against his neck. “Okay, sorry for the pity party. Let me up, I gotta pee.”

A few people were lingering in the kitchen when I made it into the house, they all raised their drinks and yelled happy birthday as I passed through. In the upstairs bathroom, I could hear when they filtered back outside, the house falling silent. I gave myself a little pep talk in the mirror before I left.

Get it together, woman. Have a good time, enjoy the fucking summer. Grow. Up.

Good talk, I know. 

When I hit the bottom of the stairs, I heard the refrigerator open. As I turned into the kitchen, someone was still standing there, hidden by the door.

But I knew who it was.

The fridge door swung closed and there he was. And we were alone. 

Not this shit again.

I wasn’t gonna do it, I wasn’t gonna do anything. I swear. But I kept moving to pass him and leave the room, and he stuck an arm out and stopped me in my tracks. 

“Just let me go, Jake.” See? I had zero interest in this! I didn’t even look at him. Ya know, until he physically turned my body to face him. He had the nerve to smile.

“Happy birthday, T.” Thank God he didn’t whisper it, he was so good at whispering.

“Yeah, thanks. See ya.” I tried to leave again, but he put both hands on me and kept me facing him, toe to toe. Another showdown in the Kiszka kitchen.

“Don’t be like that.”

Oh, how I hated him in that moment. Everything came back, the confusion, the anger I felt the last time we’d been here. When he basically accused me of being a slut right before accusing me of wanting him. And being right about it.

I shook his hands off my arms and took a step back. “No. No, I’m not doing this again.” I turned to leave again, and he caught me by the wrist.

“What are you talk-“

“Stop! Don’t pretend you don’t know!”

“Tiny, I really-“

“Don’t call me that, and don’t act like you don’t know exactly why I have avoided you for two fucking years.”

Maybe it was my expression, or maybe it was the tone of my voice, I’ll never know but he dropped my wrist and actually managed to look guilty.

“Exactly. Bye, Jake.”

I made it to the doorway. If I had just been moving faster, I would’ve missed it and probably never experienced what happened next.

“I’m sorry.”

There’s no way I’d heard that right. It spun me around where I stood.

“What?”

“I said I’m sorry, about that night.”

I waited for the ground to open up and swallow us, or a meteor to blast through the ceiling. Surely the world was ending. Nothing happened.

“Really. What exactly are you sorry for, hm? Why exactly do you think I hate you?”

“You hate me?” I’m sure you can imagine, but yes, he had the audacity to look surprised by that information. It pissed me off.

“Get real, Jake.” I moved closer. “Get fucking real. Tell me what you’re apologizing for, go ahead. What part of that night are you sorry for?” By the time I was done, I was all up in his space and he looked uncomfortable.

Good.

“I’m sorry I accused you of sleeping with Josh.”

The big bad anger deflated, but only a little. I really hadn’t expected him to acknowledge that.

“You accused a sixteen year old virgin of fucking your brother on a dirty couch in your garage.” He literally cringed. I get it, it sounded bad. Because it was.

“That was really shitty of me-“

“You think?!”

“Let me finish,” His hands were on me again, wrapped around my upper arms. “Please.”

All I could do was nod. That please is what did it. He really seemed to feel bad, and I was believing it.

“I said that out of anger, T. I knew something happened out there, and Josh was all fucked up about it after. He wouldn’t talk to me, and he tells me everything.” My shoulders shook with the force of that word. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

My mind was reeling, grasping for the meaning he intended. I shook my head.

“We’re twins, we don’t have secrets. I thought you either forced him to do something he didn’t want to, or you… were mean to him. Judged him.”

It dawned on me, clear as day. 

“You knew.” 

He tipped his chin and nodded, just once. 

“I don’t- then what about the rest? I called you jealous, but it had nothing to do with that. But you were!”

He nodded again. My resolve crumbled.

“Why did you kiss me?” I whispered it, but I wasn’t trying to be sexy, or seductive.

“Because I was jealous. And I wanted to.”

Gulp.

“I’m really sorry that I hurt your feelings. I never wanted you to hate me.”

“What did you want?”

As you can imagine, that question sealed my fate.

“Just you.”

My back was against the refrigerator before he even finished breathing the words. This time, there was no moment of shock, I wasn’t confused, and my lips were not stiff. 

His hands slid up my arms and into my hair, and he tilted my head. My mouth opened for him, and I gripped the front of his t-shirt for dear life.

Remember when I told you that by sixteen, I had kissed plenty? That was true. By eighteen, I’d kissed plenty more.

But this kiss was going to ruin me, and I knew it.

He let a hand slip from my hair and ran it down the length of my body, past my shoulder, over my ribs and the small of my waist, then he tucked it between me and the fridge and flattened it to my lower back. And pulled my hips into his.

Oh my god. He did want me, I could feel the evidence of that pressed against me.

“Jake.” I broke the kiss but his lips kept moving, he tilted my head further and ran kisses over my cheek, my jaw. “Jake.”

“Mm?” His hips ground into mine, he didn’t take his lips off of me. 

“What- fuck, what are we doing?” My hands flattened against his chest and pushed, just a little, and he finally lifted his face.

His breath was coming quickly, I could feel it under my palms. “What do you wanna do, T?”

My brain raced toward an answer, past all the reasons we shouldn’t do what I wanted to do. There’s still a party going on in the garage, Sam is waiting there for me to come back from the bathroom, this is a bad idea, this is Jake, Sam may never forgive me for this.

“Can we- should we… go somewhere else?” Yeah, that’s what my brain landed on.

“You sure?” The memory of that same question, two years ago, rushed in and I knew that if he walked away from me this time, I would never get over it.

“I’m sure.”

He didn’t stop to reconsider or question my decision, just took my hand and led me back to the stairs. We rushed to the second floor, not leaving time to second guess or re-evaluate. He practically dragged me into his room, slammed the door behind us and locked it.

I didn’t bother looking around, it was dark anyway but I didn’t want to think too hard about what was happening. I just let him push me towards a bed and fell into it. He tore his shirt over his head and covered my body and mouth with his.��

My legs opened and he settled between them, immediately grinding into me. This was happening, and it was happening fast. Our mouths were securely attached, so I wriggled beneath him, tugging the hem of my shirt up. As soon as he caught on to what I was doing he took over the task, sliding a hand up under my shirt and touching my bare skin for the first time. 

“Fucking hell, T.” God, his voice was ragged, he was literally panting as he leaned back to use both hands, spreading his palms over my stomach, my ribcage, skimming over the sides of my breasts and up until my shirt was over my head and thrown to the floor.

For a minute we just stared at each other, our heavy breathing the only sound in the room. 

He had changed so little and so much in the last two years. Physically, his hair had grown long, hanging to his shoulders instead of flipping across his forehead. His cockiness had transformed into confidence, and his actions up to this moment had been firm and self-assured. As we took each other in, I wondered what changes he saw in me.

Did he see a woman that night, pinned to his mattress by his eyes? At sixteen, I’d tried so hard to convince all of them that I was grown - could he see the ways that I had?

“You’re so fucking hot.” Okay, yeah it wasn’t poetry or anything, but his words pulsed through my bloodstream and settled between my thighs. Something like a whine slipped from the back of my throat, and suddenly we were moving in fast motion. He covered me again, but his kiss landed on my jaw, then below my ear, then the base of my throat. As it passed my collarbone I tangled my hands into his hair. He’d propped himself up on an elbow and the other hand slid up my ribs again then covered my breast.

I wish I could remember what my bra even looked like that night, but it hadn’t seemed like he cared.

He squeezed me softly, I moaned, he squeezed harder. Then his fingers tugged the top of the cup down, and for the first time, a part of me was truly naked in front of Jake Kiszka.

There was only a fleeting moment where he lifted his head and looked at my chest, bared to him, my nipple already hard and aching for his attention - then he dropped his mouth over it and sucked it in.

My back arched off the bed and he sucked me in deeper, his tongue swirling around my nipple before he softly put his teeth on it.

“Yes.” I hardly recognized my own voice, but he must have recognized the need or the urgency in it, because he applied just a tiny bit of pressure, and bit me. “Yes!”

His head popped up and his eyes met mine. “Fuck, you liked that?”

Was that weird? Was I not supposed to? I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded. It prompted him to pull the other side of my bra down and treat my other nipple to the same affection, so I guessed it was the right answer.

We were writhing together, friction between our hips and my hands holding his head to my chest until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Jake, kiss me, please…”

Somewhere along the line, he’d become a better listener. His lips slotted over mine and he kissed me deeply, I felt it everywhere. Until his hand started fumbling with the button of my jeans. It popped open and he slid the zipper down. Just as his fingers danced over the edge of my underwear, he paused. 

Against my mouth he whispered, “Yes?”

I nodded frantically, breaking the kiss.

“Say it, T.”

“Yes.”

Fingers slid over cotton and tucked themselves between my legs, and my entire body shuddered. He dropped his gaze to where he was touching me as he pressed them into me and slid them up my center, catching on my clit. I jolted at the contact. 

“Jesus Christ.”

Had I surprised him? Done something wrong? Why was he pulling his hand away- oh.

His hand slipped out of my jeans only long enough to slide under the waist of my panties, then it disappeared inside them. 

Jake Kiszka had his fingers on my actual, bare-

You get it.

Again, they pressed into me and then through me, I could feel the way my body offered no resistance, slick and easy. 

“You- you’re so…” His voice trailed off, but I needed to know. What was I? What was he thinking?

“What, Jake?” I sounded breathy, my voice coming out shaky and quiet. He looked up into my eyes.

“You’re so wet.” He sounded stunned, awe lacing his tone. 

My throat closed, I swallowed hard. Embarrassment made my chest hot and I opened my mouth to say something. I’m sorry? But my mouth snapped shut because he moved his fingers through the wetness again and groaned, deep and low, before tracing up to my clit again and circling it.

He continued to watch my face, I think. I’m not sure, because my eyes slammed shut as my body bowed into the feeling, but it seemed like he was watching all of my reactions closely. I’m sure he saw my face drop when his fingers left my clit, only to see my jaw fall open when one moved lower and pushed inside me slowly.

Inside. Me. My eyes shot open and found him staring at me, nostrils flared. 

“Relax, T. You’re so tight.”

Was that bad? I pulled a deep breath into my lungs, in through my nose and out through trembling lips. Tried my hardest to relax every muscle, but I was wound so tight I felt like I would implode. 

I must have done something right, because his finger slid deeper and he murmured the worst thing I’d ever heard.

“That’s good, good girl.”

In hindsight, I know he wasn’t even trying to be sexy. But my body tightened around his finger again and he started to withdraw it. I panicked, gripped his wrist and dug my nails in just as he pushed all the way inside. 

“God!” I couldn’t help it, the invasion was overwhelming me.

“Shhh, I’ve got you.” He was pumping it inside me now. “Tell me what you want.” Focus made his features look so serious, but his voice was calm and coaxing. I had no fucking clue what to say.

So I said the first thing that popped into my head.

“More.” He smiled, his mouth curling up at the corners. I felt him withdraw his finger all the way, gasped as he swirled two over my clit, then entered me again with both. 

“Jesus, you’re so tight, you feel so good.”

So good, so good. That’s good. I let myself relax into his touch and within a few seconds my hips were moving in time with his fingers. My bottom lip was held tight between my teeth as I tried not to let any of the sounds building in my throat escape. He noticed.

His face came close, he pecked a kiss to my cheek then whispered into my ear. “Let me hear you, just be quiet.” 

I really had no choice, because as soon as the words left his mouth, he pressed his thumb to my clit and plunged his fingers deep.

“Shit Jake, yes yes yes…”

Still next to my ear, he tucked his face into my neck and kissed me there before making his way back to my lips. His tongue swept out over my bottom lip and I opened to him, let him in. My eyes fluttered closed.

Then I felt it, a tightening, low in my belly. A tingling even lower. I don’t know what I did that signaled to him, but he knew.

“Are you gonna come for me?” He asked between kisses. I didn’t answer. I couldn’t.

I didn’t have to. All it took was a few more pumps of his fingers, a couple circles with his thumb, and I had my first orgasm. 

Trust me when I tell you, it was a doozy. 

My entire body tensed, my back arched and my mouth opened. Thank God I couldn’t hear myself over the buzz in my head because I’m sure the sound I made was mortifying, but it didn’t matter. As quickly as it had gripped me, it started to fade away. Things came back into focus and I felt Jake’s fingers softly moving in shallow strokes before they stopped and he pulled them from me. 

“Wow.”

Who said that? Oh, it was Jake. I peeked up at him and his eyes were wide, almost black in the darkness. Then he pulled his hand from my pants and stood up so quickly, I was sure I’d done something wrong. I shot up to sit and had barely planted my feet on the floor when I heard his belt buckle clink. The shuffle of his shoes across the carpet as he toed them off his feet. The soft swish of denim falling down his legs and hitting the floor, more shuffling and he stepped out of his jeans.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit.

I didn’t even have time to truly panic, because he stepped back up to the bed and leaned down, kissing me briefly on the lips before using his hands to guide me backwards, laying across his bed again. He reached for the waist of my pants and, already undone, started to slide them off of my hips. I let him pull them down my legs until they got stuck at my shoes. 

He chuckled. I giggled, nervously. He slipped my shoes off then tugged my jeans from my feet. I shifted and sat back up. 

And there I was. Looking at Jake Kiszka in nothing but his skivvies and socks, and myself wearing much of the same. Except my tits were out, the cups of my bra pushing them up from underneath. 

Jake must have sensed my nerves, because he asked me if I was still sure. I nodded and he demanded to hear it out loud. 

“Yes.”

He turned to his nightstand, rummaged blindly  through the drawer, and when he straightened he slipped his thumbs under the elastic waistband of his underwear.

Then they hit the floor.

And there I was. Looking at Jake Kiszka in nothing but his socks. 

My cheeks exploded with heat and I was grateful that he couldn’t see me blushing in the dark, but I must have made a face, or a noise, because he was poised to tear open the condom wrapper and he stopped. 

“Are you okay?”

Oh shit, what did I do?

“Um-“ Cleared my throat. “I- yeah. Yes. Sorry. I’ve just, never done this before.”

“Ha ha, T. For real, what’s wrong?”

Ha ha? I wasn’t laughing. 

“Nothing. It’s fine, I just haven’t ever…” It trailed off, because there was something wrong with the way he was looking at me. 

“Fuck. You gotta be kidding me.” Ouch. 

His arms dropped to his sides, condom packet still between the first two fingers of his left hand. He flicked it away, it skimmed the surface of the nightstand and fell behind it.

No, no no no. 

“What? What are you doing?” There it was, a little bit of that panic, finally allowed to bloom under my skin. He bent and stepped back into his boxer briefs and pulled them up. My own semi-nudity suddenly felt shameful, so I tugged the cups of my bra back up to cover my breasts. “Jake, I still want th-“

“No. I can’t, T. You’re still a virgin?” 

Was I crazy, because I hadn’t seen anything wrong with that before this exact moment? He stepped back into his jeans and started pulling them up.

I reached out to stop him, a hand on his wrist. “Yeah, but who cares? It’s not that big of-“

“I care!” He ripped his arms away from me, pulled his pants up and fastened them. He continued as he started plucking my own clothes from the floor and shoving them into my shaking arms. “I can’t do that, I can’t be your first. I can’t fucking believe this.”

The first tear slipped and ran down my cheek, and I swiped it away, frustrated. “You’re overreacting, Jake. Why are you-“

He cut me off again. “How could you not tell me? What if I, if I had- God.”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to!” I jerked my shirt over my head and shoved my arms through the sleeves. “Why would you think I wasn’t?!” Pulled my jeans over my feet and up my legs. 

“Because Sam told me!”

My fingers stopped buttoning my pants, my head jerked up. “What?!”

“Sam said he thought you were fucking that idiot you dated last year, when you weren’t coming around for like a month. He-“

“I’m gonna kill him. That’s it, I’m finally gonna actually kill him.” 

Jake threw his arms up. “What was I supposed to think, T? With the way you were kissing me, and- and- you weren’t acting like a virgin!”

“Because you still think I’m some kind of slut, Jake? Is that it? Oh my God I’m so stupid.” I fastened my jeans and pulled my shoes on, then shoulder checked him on my way to the door.

It felt good, okay?

He was right behind me, forgetting his shoes and pulling his shirt on as he followed me down the stairs, but I didn’t stop. I bolted through the kitchen and outside, then into the garage.

A lot of people had left and I found Sam immediately, strewn across one end of the couch. He was probably crossfaded and ready to pass out, but he popped up as soon as he saw my face. 

“Tiny, where have you been? What’s wrong-“ Jake stormed into the garage behind me, and even through hooded, bleary eyes, Sam put some pieces together. Or tried to.

I was trying desperately not to cry, and I’m sure I looked it. I could feel how kiss-swollen my lips were, and I guessed that Jake’s looked the same. Add in the fucked up bed hair, and then two tears that slipped free and ran down my face. 

“What the fuck did you do..”

But Sam wasn’t talking to me. He was looking past me.

“What did you do?!”

The few of our friends that were left lingering in the garage were all staring at us. 

“Party’s over! GET OUT!” I flinched. I’d never heard Sam yell, not in anger. Everyone jumped and hustled through the side door until we were alone, and Sam took one deep breath before speaking. 

“T, come here, are you okay?”

I didn’t move, just nodded my head and wiped furiously at my cheeks. “Yes, I’m fine, I- I just wanted to tell you I was leaving.” He came to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. 

“What did you do?” I knew he was speaking to Jake, still standing silently behind me. 

“Sam, I don’t know what you’re thinking but-“

“Why is she fucking crying?”

I broke free of his hold and stopped him. “Sam, it’s okay. I’m fine, I swear. I’m going home.” I grabbed my bag from the floor beside the couch and flung it over my shoulder, lifted the garage door and slipped out.

I didn’t stop running until I reached my driveway.

[hotchocolatewithoutsex]

Ok this is a Slightly more coherant version of this post. In which I go (as I remember, drunkenly) insane about an almost forgotten TV show. BBC's Atlantis (2013). But now with pictures!

once again if you know it I'm in love with you and kissing you on the lips.

Spoiler warning if you care abt that, but its only 2 series, watch it this afternoon and come back :D

Ok this show is a blatent Merlin profit chaser and apparently had alot of crossover of crew but I have no source for this. There are alot of comparison that can be drawn.

First for all my Trekkie pals, Alexander Siddig who is Julian Bashir in DS9 plays King Minos. He is beareded, a wife guy, kinda a dilf. pop off.

The second, even for famous face is a very young Anya Taylor Joy. Yeah, ANYA TAYLOR JOY is bald in this? she plays Cassandra the cursed prophet. She is phenomenal, but you have to stick through to season two.

they are the two who stick out to me but take the time to look at the IMDB and you will see some one you know.

In the modern day, Jason (yeah, as in of the Arognaut), the protaganist of the show, pilots a one-man submarine to investigate a deep sea disturbance that resulted in the disappearance of his father when he was a child. When he discovers the location, the submarine begins to fail and he wakes up on the shores of the kingdom of Atlantis He is given shelter by a couple of locals: Pythagoras Herculse

Along the way, they pick up allies including Medusa, a palace maid; Ariadne, daughter of the King and heir to the throne; and a mysterious Oracle. - abridged form wikipedia

All of that in the first paragraph happens in THE FIRST 10 MINUTES OF THE FIRST EPISODE. This summary leaves out in that 10 mins he runs naked across a beach, steals some clothes from fishermen, fights a two headed dragon, and is chased by Palace Gards.

This show is a wild, nonstop, rollacoaster.

If I havent revolted any classistis all ready, or convinced you to watch it let me hit you with the kicker. CANNON GAY RELATIONSHIP. and it is the friends to lovers, betrayal to lovers arc all you tumblrinas love so much. Between Pythagoras and Icarus.

Pythagoras and Icarus.

This isn't even the scene where they get together, Pythagoras - left, Icarus - right

The payoff is not till the last episode but the build up is lengthy, obvious and worth it. and as I said in my first post, more than you Merlin bitches got.

So. Go and watch this trainwreck, rollacoaster of a show and scream at the blattent shitting on greek myths that is oh so infuriating and a whole lot of fun.

watch and enjoy, i beg you.

[mychlapci]

Wait a second I just saw your post that was like who’s that one dude who shows up for a episode or a page who’s really important to you.

And you just gave me a chance to talk about my favorite random guy you’ve chosen this fate it’s not my fault.

Anyways… Nacelle my beloved. He’s not even good at anything in particular. He’s not good at flying or fighting or lying and do not ask him about history. He may or may not be an engineer. But he just wants to be important! He’s eager to prove his worth! And that’s where what we actually know about him ends- he may have been in G1. And he was in a few comics. That’s it. I’m obsessed with him. He’s just a guy! He is literally just somebody’s weird coworker! I think he should get to go on suicide missions- after all nobody else would volunteer, and besides losing him wouldn’t even be that bad in the con’s eyes. Even surviving those wouldn’t get him much recognition though. Also really random thought but since he was an aerodynamics engineer before I think he’d be really fascinated by Earth’s atmosphere and gravity. When he has free time he’d just take the chance to look at birds and clouds and watch human planes moving around. I also think he’d like model airplanes and those sorta things. He thinks it’s rather impressive that humans(who can’t naturally fly- who are very tiny and sensitive) managed to make such amazing things, as skyscrapers and fighter jets. I also think he’d take good care of his fans and thrusters and turbines. Always make sure everything is in working order. I think he’d know a lot about doing maintenance and also a lot about how flight actually works. It’s just that knowledge doesn’t really translate to his actual flying skills. Also apparently he worked with shockwave and upgraded his wings and turbines in one of the comics?! So yeah he can have high powered turbines as a treat. And that actually leads to my next thought. I think he’d like birds. I bet that the winds for his turbines would be warm and easy to fly in- what if he kept them on a low power setting so that birds could just use it as a little boost. What if he got covers for his fans and stuff specifically so that birds wouldn’t get stuck or hurt. What if he specifically tried to avoid disturbing birds when he’s out on patrol. He likes them because they’re cool and interesting and also the other cons don’t care about them at all- they’re just like him fr.

And I have more thoughts but they’re too muddled to actually be coherent- point is I love Nacelle and I want him to appear more because he is amazing and I love him.

oh my god.... anon, i love you. this is exactly what i'm talking about. pick out a guy who had one appearance and go ham crazy over him. I already love Nacelle so much. and i only googled him 2 minutes ago.

[velvetshirtnumber3]

Predictions for DFF:

Por is already dead.

Fluke’s paranoia is gonna get him killed.

White is going to save himself (heavy final girl vibes)

Tee gets killed in an act of bravery to make up for his transgressions.

Top gets killed while possessed.

Tan and Phee were not involved in Non’s diss appearance. One of them is collateral damage, or the other one is the second killer.

Jin is being haunted by Non’s spirit who had a crush on him. He will probably have to make a sacrifice in some way to be free from it.

These are great predictions, and having watched episode 4 its really interesting to see how they've panned out!

Poor Por....he's certainly dead now. Though I will not entirely rule out Non's spirit possessing his body and using it to try to kill the others, because I think that would be equally interesting and disturbing.

Fluke's paranoia definitely will hurt him at some point...I don't think he fully trusts anyone anymore, and separating himself in any way from the rest of the group won't end well for him. I thought that with Por's death he might change his behavior, but nope. He might care about his friends, but it seems not more than saving himself and his future.

You know, I really hope White does save himself. I think he's definitely capable of it, plus he seems like a genuinely nice person and I don't want anything to happen to him.

I really think Tee would be willing to die to save White, at least. Over the course of the series so far, he has become less and less likable, with his implied actions in the past. His only redeeming trait is that he seems like a decent boyfriend. Those I think it would be more meaningful for his character to sacrifice himself to save his friends or because he was truly remorseful. I think the sole reason I kind of want him to survive (at least for the moment) is because him dying would really hurt White. Plus at this point in the story, I think White's grief would make him more susceptible to getting killed (as anyone's would) and I really don't want that.

So you seem to be right on the mark about Top! Possessed ✔, Shot (apparently) ✔. Honestly the fact that they cut right before seeing if Fluke shot him doesn't give me confidence that he actually killed him but that is next week's episode so for now that is what happened and there is no evidence to the contrary.

I think you are correct about Tan and Phee not being involved in the disappearance of Non. I don't think either of them has really been targeted specifically. The only times the figure has gone after them has been when they were with someone else (I think). As for the other part, I feel like Tan just gives off collateral damage vibes...like you just look at him and think, "There's a good chance that you would not survive in a horror movie" and that is essentially what they are in. I have definitely seen a lot of posts about some of Phee's suspicious behavior so he definitely could be the second killer. He is at the least hiding something that is causing him to act weird. I kind of feel like if he is the second killer that there will be some people who survive. He just seems like he wouldn't kill people who don't deserve it (like White), at least to me.

One think I really wonder about Jin is his place in all this, which I think will become more clear as we see more about the past. Jin was part of the group in the past involved in something happening to Non, so depending on his part in it, he could be one of the targets. But it does seem like Non had a crush on him, so he might not be a target. I don't how much Jin cared about him; Jin was one of the people in the beginning insisting on not watching the old tape so he definitely knows something about what happened to Non, and it hasn't really stopped him being friends with the group. Though Jin leaving to go the U.S. (if I remember correctly) could be him trying to leave them behind. As for a sacrifice, I wonder what it would be....

Thank you so much for the ask!

[lolotheparagon]

Sofia the First Season 2 in a Nutshell

Two Princesses and a Baby - 10/10

Amber wishes she wouldnt have to share her birthday with her twin James, so he gets magically turned into a toddler. Hijnks ensue. Another brilliant moment of character growth for Amber and showing how much she really cares for James, despite them being polar opposites.

The Enchanted Feast - 9/10

Miss Nettle returns disguised as a visiting sorceress in order to steal the amulet but Sofia is having none of that shit so she gets her critter army to stop Nettle. Also Snow White is here in properly the best media appearance she will ever get since Kingdom Hearts

The Flying Crown - 3/10

Sofia befriends the brooding jock Prince Hugo cos apparently she doesnt have a life. Look, I know you need to work with him to do your flying derby race, Sof, but dont bother with this Hunter expy.

Mom's The Word - 10/10

Its Sofia's first Mother's Day in the castle and she gets left out when her mother is spending more time with Amber and James. One of the show's core themes is teaching kids about blended families and Sofia struggling to adjust sharing her mother with her step siblings is very potent.

The Silent Knight - 4/10

Aunt Tilly falls for some NPC knight, when Cedric is right over there. Like show, if you were gonna ship any couple. I want sorceror failhusband and chaotic adventurer wife. Or hell, the drama teacher Miss Elodie for a gay option.

Enchanted Science Fair - 7/10

James, Amber, Vivian, Khaled and Desmond fight each over a science project but they all realise that Sofia is always right and they would all be dead without her.

King For A Day - 6/10

James tries being king to see what its like and yknow, this episode's hilarious to watch in hindsight cos its revealed James isnt even the heir to the throne lol

When You Wish Upon a Well - -4/10

Amber does something incredibly illegal but gets off the hook cos Sofia and their dad are enablers

Gizmo Gwen - 8/10

Aw cool, a castle maid who's also an inventor and engineer! What a wonderful addition to the ca-annnnd she's not gonna appear for the rest of the series, is she?

Sofia the Second - 10/10

Sofia learning about how to keep promises even if it means giving up something else? An evil Sofia clone who's a delightfully evil gremlin? Sign me the fuck up!

Mystic Meadows - 8/10

Sofia's girl scout group goes to a wizard retirement home where Cedric's parents live and she helps Cedric win his dad's approval and stop his micromanaging bs. Also, Hell canonically exists in Sofia the First and that fact alone is both disturbing and hilarious

Princesses to the Rescue! - 9/10

James and his friend Jin get captured by a discount Tai Lung and their dads end up being captured too cos theyre that stupid. So its up to Sofia, Jun and Amber to save the day. Also Mulan is here and its a nice touch they gave her the armour she worn throughout most of her original movie.

Ghostly Gala - 7/10

On Halloween, Sofia befriends the undead and convinces everyone in the castle that they're not seeing things, honest. Seriously, this girl could befriend Eldritch monsters and convince everyone that they're chill.

The Emerald Key - 10/10

A Hawaiian princess has lost a precious heirloom and washes up on the shores of Enchancia, calling for help. Another Hawaiian princess shows up, declaring shes the real deal. The Enchanican royal family immediately decide the best way to tell these two indigenous princesses apart is to get them to partake in white royal etiquette and activities and automatically assume the one doing the best at all of them is the real princess. Sofia realises that the imposter is always the whitewashed one.

Scrambled Pets - 5/10

Pet hijinks: the episode

The Princess Stays in the Picture - 3/10

Man, after Amber became a good person, the writers really doubled down on making her friend Hildegarde the new alpha bitch. Supposedly this was the episode to humanise her but honestly after watching this whole series, she really hasnt improved since this episode so it feels like lightning in a bottle we will never get again. The highlight was definitely Sofia yelling at Hildegarde's constant know it all attitude.

Baileywhoops - 8/10

Finally, Baileywick gets a good episode. I love the idea that Baileywick is such a good steward that EVERY OTHER STEWARD IN EVERY KINGDOM WANTS TO BE HIM OR WANTS HIS JOB. He's like the Alfred of this show.

The Curse of Princess Ivy - 10/10

Amber steals Sofia's amulet out of jealousy, unleashes an evil princess by mistake and now all hell's broken loose. Sofia really rakes Amber over the coals in this special and its glorious. Again, another episode that develops Amber as a character and its great to see the message of earning forgiveness and actually putting the effort in to change, instead of putting pressure on the victim to just enable their abuser's behaviour. Rapunzel's there as well with a banger song.

Winter's Gift - 8/10

Sofia meets a fawn named Autumn, who freezes everything she touchs and she fucking hates it. (Hmm, wonder why Elsa or Anna didnt show up in this ep?) However, Autumn fears the witch who gave her the powers in the first place won't do it cos she hasnt got her a nice enough gift in return. Turns out the witch is super nice, actually.

The Leafsong Festival - -8/10

Clover's dragon friend Crackle gives up her fire powers so she can be in a talent show but she has to get it back or THE ENTIRE KINGDOM WILL FREEZE TO DEATH AND APPARENTLY A SMALL DRAGON CAN MELT A KINGDOM'S SIZED COAT OF ICE.

Substitute Cedric - 10/10

Cedric begrudgingly decides to be substitute at Sofia's school for a day but turns out he really enjoys teaching and helps the kids practice magic on some wizard bullies. Cedric becoming more of a cool uncle is the best. Also, Sofia yelling the phrase "prank day is over!" to the wizard bullies as a war cry is really badass.

Clover Time - 4/10

Clover acts like a shitty roommate to Sofia, which is weird cos I thought Clover already lived with Sofia. Yknow, him being her pet and all.

In a Tizzy - -5/10

Ruby gets her own fairy godmother to help her build a cart and practice for a go-cart race. Thats neat! And yet, this all could've been solved if Ruby's mum was in the episode

A Tale of Two Teams - 6/10

I love how despite being a royal for like a year now, Sofia always chooses her old friends whenever she can. Neat how this is the episode where Jade actually needs glasses as her vision is causing her problems during kickoff. Amber also learns to manage and be a good coach. Man, the writers really put their all into giving Amber little intricacies with her character and James has...knight stuff

The Littlest Princess - 7/10

Sofia befriends a group of freeloading spirites who cause havoc in the castle and has to find a way to convince them to leave since that's the only way to get rid of them. I like how Sofia's flaw of being too trusting to everyone she meets causes trouble and Miranda gets to shine as being the best parent/role model in Sofia's life.

Buttercup Amber - 10/10

For some reason, Amber joins Sofia's girl scout camping trip and unlike the last experience with Baileywick, this one is actually fun. Seriously, Amber brought her entire wardrobe of dresses to camp and the girls inspire her to create a huge tent out of them. Nice to see Amber has changed a lot since Season 1 already.

Carol of the Arrow - -8/10

Ah yes, I love watching Sofia the First talking about anti-royalism, despite being set in a world where the royals are super friendly and interventionalist, there is no classism between the royals and commoners and that colonialisation doesnt exist. And yet we have a non-furry Robin Hood trying to help the common folk and Sofia's standing there like 'oh she's my fave celeb i cant be a royal!! i'll pretend to be a commoner again so i can show her royals can do something' but SHE'S GOT NO REASON TO HIDE HER IDENTITY COS SHE'S A FAMOUS PRINCESS AND ISNT EVEN HIDING HER NAME AND APPARENTLY FEM ROBIN HOOD FINDS OUT ABOUT HER AND REALISES OH HEY MAYBE ROYALS ARENT LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHINGS AFTER ALL. WASNT THERE A SCENE FROM TWO EPISODES AGO WHERE THE ROYAL FAMILY WAS GIVING AWAY FREE GIFTS TO ALL THE PEASANT CHILDREN IN ENCHANCIA. WHERE DID SHE GET THIS PRECONCEPTION FROM? ASPFSCEVRH WHAT IS GOING ON??!

Sidekick Clio - 3/10

Hildegarde acts like an abusive bitch to her friend Clio but instead of Clio leaving her and finding a new group of friends, she forgives Hildegarde after one apology. Oh and before you ask, Hildegarde doesnt retain her lesson from this in later episodes. I feel so sorry for Clio. Especially since she has a lot of fun potential as a side character.

[iantimony]

didn't poast last week so this is a two-week extravaganza post! con: got roped into DMing dnd pro: none of these fools have read mdzs so i can steal plots from there. hope the party is ready to be lead on a quest by a disembodied arm!

listening: oh shit SO many things. i will not be linking to all of them.

depeche mode: basically just their top songs on spotify, not any specific album. strong shoutout to 'shake the disease' and 'wrong' (which featured in my secret samol post!)

disturbed: ditto

franz ferdinand: albums 'hits to the head' and 'tonight'. throwbacks

phoenix: 'wolfgang amadeus phoenix' ditto throwback

inxs: 'x' DITTO throwback. doesn't hit the same as when i first listened to em years ago unfortunately

streetlight manifesto: album 'somewhere in the between'

boy and bear: 'harlequin dream'

sammy rae: 'let's throw a party', 'the good life', and their 'everybody wants to rule the world' cover

hozier: 'wasteland baby' and 'unreal unearth'

paramore: album 'this is why'

grizzly bear: 'veckatimiest' and 'painted ruins'

haken: their newest album 'fauna' because i'm thinking about whether or not to go to one of their shows in feb (leaning towards yes right now)

my SO's pinecore playlist

shosty symphony no 5 (<3)

and, finally, a lot of borodin symphony no. 1 in e flat and the last two movements of rimsky-korsakov golden cockerel because that's what the youth orchestra i'm volunteering with is playing right now haha

for podcasts, i've listened to the new counter/weight prequel eps! i'm so charmed to see these characters again. i still haven't finished millenium break holiday special because i lost my spot when a bunch of an episode played without sound by accident so i finally went and scrubbed back to the beginning of the episode (it's the second to last part) so by next week i will FINALLY be out of holiday special zone.

reading: finished rereading tgcf lol,,, in loving memory of square checkbox: apparently apple is switching to circle ones? hateful wikipedia page for kessler syndrome my friend @celestialtourguide sent me a dm to ask about a few of the characters in this manuscript and i was immediately charmed by it. it's so pretty, i loved the informational blurbs, just really cool stuff. it was already on waybackmachine but i've gone ahead and updated it.

watching: kurtis conner looksmaxxing. weird little subculture peek. rewatched sideways' why the music in cats 2019 is worse than you thought because my roommate was interested. this led us to the same channel's why avatar has the most ironic soundtrack of all time because roommate misread ironic as iconic and she really likes that movie. no accounting for taste, but aight. much more interesting than i thought it would be. that video then lead us to tony hinnigan's woodwind demos because hell fuckin yes. big-ass panpipes.

i've been keeping up on dunmeshi anime in little watch sessions with my SO, and also am working through kill la kill with him! i've seen it before but he has not so i'm really enjoying that.

playing: fallow.

making: i managed to finish my secret samol gift in time for reveal day!!! comics are fuckin hard dude!!!! i don't know if i'll be doing it again but it was a fun challenge. i decided to use a New App for some reason instead of procreate because procreate has not been hitting right and i wanted comic half tone brushes for this project. app is called sketchbook, it's an orange icon with a pencil on it. shrug! it's fine! i'll probably keep using it for a bit. started working on an english paper piecing project! soliciting tips for that because right now my method is: cut out hexagon using pattern piece i made to be 1/4 in larger all around than the template, gluestick template onto hexagon, baste edges down neatly, whip-stitch right sides together. remove template once all six sides have something attached. i'm sure there's a better way to streamline this process, i'll have to experiment. this will end up as a dice bag i think.

finally, pottery starts again this week! so next week will have some of that in here

eating: ah beans i did not do a good job keeping track of this. uh. made the ground pork & cabbage thing again because my roommate got SO much napa cabbage for making kimchi and we had a shitload left over. napa cabbage isn't as good as a more standard cabbage for this imo, standard cabbage tends to be a little sweeter i think once it's cooked in? idk. had some stage 5 mental illness moments last week trying to cook dinner on a very short time scale with lots of other shit to do, following a recipe because fucking of course my roommate wanted me to cook with a recipe that night. anyways.

misc: like said at the top, somehow i managed to sign up for Another Activity god damn it. so now every saturday evening i run dnd. tl;dr i'm in a group irl that meets biweekly, someone who i give a lift to for that was complaining in the car that their other online group's dm ragequit after his encounter wasn't well-balanced (skill issue) and before thinking about it i just was like oh well i could probably step in if you need! god damn ittttt lol i have missed dming so it should be fun. i vibe checked them for a session 0 last week and they seem chill and honestly shouldn't be too much work on my end, especially if i yoink plots from mdzs ha ha ha. other than that, all is basically well. i've settled back into a schedule, applied for some summer positions (!), and absolutely hate the amount of busy work in one of my two classes. yippee

[kawaiikenna]

I’ve been sucked into the rare pair hell that is Dark Ages. So y’all get to suffer with me. -w-

Our lovely story starts at the height of the rebellion/revolution where Pariah Dark is finally put away into the Sarcophagus of Eternal Sleep. At this time Clockwork is nearing the end of their carrying term and is fearful for their and Pariah’s child. So there’s the betrayal of Clockwork being the one to strike the final blow as Pariah is locked up. Sometime later, after Danny is born, the Observants come to the Long Now and try to kill baby Danny because of the whole; he’s going to turn into a tyrant just like his Sire was if not worse. Clockwork beats the ever loving shit out of them and escapes into a timeline.

They’re now looking for an adoptive family to take Danny in. Even though it’s the living realm, Clockwork is able to find the Fentons. In this timeline Jack and Maddie are more scientifically centered and less biased towards ghosts. But imagine their surprise when their second prototype portal spits out a beaten down purple specter and a tiny glowing bundle of blankets. Conversations happen and the Fentons agree to take Danny in. Clockwork basically erases the family from any and all timelines. This way the Observants won’t be able to find Danny. But in doing this Clockwork will also not be able to find him. But hoping against all hope they do it with the slim chances of a reunion later in their child’s life.

So Danny grows up as a human in the living realm. He’s happy and healthy and a normal kid. Well, at least as much as he can be with two scatterbrained scientist parents. They are definitely more there for both Jazz and Danny but they get distracted by ghosties and science and research more often than not. So sometimes they’re not there all the time. Definitely more stable than canon though. They’ve finally settled in the tiny town of Amity Park and things continue to go along. Danny is now entering high school as his parents are putting the finishing touches on their final portal. The accident happens but instead of getting spit back out into the living world, the Infinite Realms takes him back.

So Danny’s just chilling in the GZ completely unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time before a clock tower appears in his path. Clockwork on the other hand felt a disturbance in the ectoplasm and had come to investigate before the Observants could themselves. What they were not expecting to find was a newly dead child floating in the vast expanse of the Realms. So they take him in and only then do they recognize their child. So when Danny wakes up he doesn’t feel as afraid as he thinks he should be. If anything he feels safe and secure in this familiarly unfamiliar environment. Conversations and bonding happen between Danny and Clockwork. But Danny has to go back to the living world because it is still not his time to be able to stay.

Back in the living world Danny’s human friends and family are waiting for him. In a fairly calm and collected manner. This is because Jack and Maddie knew something like this was going to happen at some point. They wished that it hadn’t been this specific way, but what happened, happened; and there’s nothing more they can do than forge forward and look to the future.

Fast forward, Clockwork is more of a parent and mentor for Danny and Vlad has been thrown into the picture. Vlad gets jelly and goes after the Crown and Ring (I have a vague remembrance of these events. I’m going to have to watch those specific episodes to brush up on what happened and how.) and ends up freeing Pariah Dark. He’s pretty out of it from the amount of crazy that the Crown and Ring have given him. But once Danny defeats him and takes the Crown and Ring, Pariah is much more clear headed. It is then that he realizes just who Danny is.

This also makes Danny the Heir Apparent to the throne. As he defeated the prior ruler in a trial by combat. With this new status the Observants can no longer bring harm to Danny. Otherwise they risk the wrath of the Infinite Realms themselves in retaliation.

More bonding and soft family moments. Danny is still wary about Pariah and this makes the previous king sad. A possible redemption arc happens and the two grow closer? Maybe? Idk, I just want all the cute soft family moments between the three. -w-

[mystic-myrtille]

I'm sorry for just dumping this on you but did the subtitles of that recent episode really say the series has been going on in show for nine damn months? That's nine whole damn months of Marinette going through hell limbo and hell again just because the universe says she's has to be with some dude she's classmates with, not only that but what even did Marinette do to Chole to suffer all that mess? Honestly if I was Marinette and heard this random boy is friends with the girl who tormented me since god knows how long, just show one random act of kindness to. I would've stomped all those feelings down a drain instead of whatever this "romance" between them is.

Don‘t worry I‘ll like hearing other people‘s thoughts on the show‘s problems, so don‘t be shy and send me asks when you feel like it:)

Tbh I still haven‘t watched the episode (aside from not really feeling like it I‘m actually on holiday rn so I didn‘t have time anyway), but I‘ve heard about those 9 month several times now and just… poor Marinette.

Being in love for such a long time without any pay off really sucks. I‘ve been in a similar situation back 9th grade, but al least I didn‘t have a secret identity and a job which is all about fighting angry people on a daily basis amd having to find the big bad villain who is behind all this while my sensei has amnesia and my new sensei is useless and my crime fighting partner is being a lil bitch bc I don‘t pay him enough attention. Yeah Marinette needs therapy asap.

(Beware, the next part contains a little bible leak)

The Chloe part is really interesting and it really raises the question, what did Marinette see in Adrien when the first thing she learned about him was that he‘s friends with her bully? How is giving her an umbrella in the rain, explaining how he‘s socially awkward enough to make her fall THIS HARD for him? Also, why is his friendship with Chloe never portrayed as a bad thing? Especially those moments where Adrien defends Chloe (in which the nrrative implies being on Chloe‘s side is the morally good thing to do bc Adrien is perfect bla bla we‘ve all heard it by now), Marinette should, logically, at least be at disappointed in him. Considering that he only breaks off the friendship in 5x14 (bc now that he wants to take traumatized Marinette he‘s affected as well), Marinette should‘ve lost feelings for him a long time ago or at least given up on chasing him. (Also side note but didn‘t Adrien also end the friendship in sole crusher? Why is he doing it again? Consistency on fleek lol.) And the fact that the entire class encourages it… like how does literally nobody ever question Adrien‘s and Chloe‘s friendship? If Adrien isn‘t a bad person, why is he friends with one for so long? Despair bear is a good example where Chloe goes back to being mean to everyone and Adrien simply shruggs it off like „she‘ll never change lmao“. Ok, if you think she‘ll never change, why are you still friends with her? And why is the class just okay with that? Especially Marinette should be disturbed by this. But the narrative barely ever brings up Adrien‘s and Chloe‘s friendship, because apparently it just doesn‘t fucking matter that Marinette‘s soulmate is all good with ther tormentor. Or maybe it‘s actually a good thing bc Adrien has never made a mistake in his entire life bc he‘s just so damn perfect.

Yeah I went off there a little but really, there are more things wrong than right with so many aspects surrounding the LS and just… did the writers spend a single second thinking about… anything?

[wolves-etc]

thoughts on The Last Of Us episode one, largely in the order I had them:

[thoughts on: 1.2 | 1.3 | 1.4 | 1.5 | 1.6 | 1.7 | 1.8 | 1.9]

(I have some spoilers from tumblr, a vague awareness of the older gays & younger gays situations, and a friend's recommendation that I'd really like this show. I didn't realise how evocative this would be in a mid-pandemic world. the show quickly set me right.)

— all kudos and respect to mr "I have an opportunity to infodump to a crowd about disturbing fungal diseases and I am going to make the most of it." loses points for warning people about hypothetical future dangers while actively smoking at them.

— the views we get of the crowd and the host during the second half of his speech are interesting - they're so still, all rapt attention, while he's talking about humans made puppets. it's unsettling.

— and the visuals during the theme music? gross. the guy who recommended this to me is squicked out by fungus. I may have used the words "wetly unfurling" while confronting him about this.

— I'm struck by the apparent ritual of joel setting his alarm, sleeping through it or ignoring it, and having to be alerted by his daughter anyway. he's a mess. (<3)

— there's something very real and unsanitised about their home environment. sarah's presumably not the worst cook in the house, but still they're eating eggshell. there's takeaway in the fridge that tommy sniffs before having any (though I wish he didn't decide against it then put it back.)

— and joel's shirt is on inside-out. bless him.

— sarah and joel passive-aggressively siccing the neighbours on each other is bitchy and great

— the first glimpse of the unrest of the pandemic being someone visibly panicking, closing the shop, herding sarah out, telling her to go straight home? I'm trying not to do too much real-life comparing. but that's ouch.

— we have a dog!! a border collie!! mercy I love you I am giving you up for dead given the genre we're in but I very much hope to be proven wrong <3

— "three nails plus one cross equals four-given." please, please tell me people don't speak like that. lie if you must

— the mental shift from "that blurry old lady in the background needs medical attention" to "oh. oh this is a horror show, the characters just don't know that yet, oh no" was a fun one

— "and you were never gonna [get the watch fixed] for yourself" OH BOY

— it's functional depression vibes in joel and it's intense. he won't get the watch fixed for himself, and he probably wouldn't celebrate his birthday for himself either - I'd buy that the pancakes could have been more for sarah than him, but then she insists on cake, and he doesn't suggest anything he'd enjoy better. still, he seems willing to make an effort because she wants to, and that's nice.

— that moment, sitting down to watch a movie together, sarah falling asleep against him? joel's a mess, but he has a good relationship with his daughter, and that's refreshing to see. there's real love there.

— mercy is a very good dog and sarah COULD DO WITH MORE ANXIETY SLASH SURVIVAL INSTINCT, FRANKLY,

— and we get the first glimpse of joel being brutal and unhesitating when it's called for. the sense that he's already made a shift in thinking that sarah's slower to - she's scared, crying, not yet really believing that it was necessary.

— sarah in the back of the car being smart enough to put together - given what she knows - that any one of them could be infected. it's awful.

— "[they've] got a kid, joel." "so have we. keep driving." fuck

— (how must that feel for sarah? if she's the thing to be protected, it must be her fault.)

— okay the infected's too-quick movements and bird-like head tilts? very "inhuman software on human hardware." it's cool.

— this scene here, though. there's a lot here. they're saved, in the nick of time, by a soldier. the soldier receives orders that he has to double-check. joel calls him sir, says please don't, has to know what's coming. it's unfair and it's horrible and there's nothing he can do.

— and I had a lot of thoughts about that. about how the US military - quite aside from the huge wrongs it does to other countries - promises people to chance to do some good, and to be a part of a family, and betrays them on both counts. leaves its soldiers with trauma and no way to manage it. leaves them, perhaps, with chronic depression, in a job I don't even want to speculate about because neither the military nor construction work are kind to the body. it's betrayal on top of betrayal as standard. and it's cruel, very cruel, that the military betrays joel again here. (edit for reasons and for at least one "article" possibly lying to me)

— and it's a fucking needless way for sarah to die. fuck.

— okay. okay.

— we get this little reminder that the birds, the trees, the sunlight, they all keep going. no matter what goes on with humans. and I, for one, find that comforting.

— and that comfort is VERY NEEDED because holy shit it's twenty years later and joel barely even hesitates to throw a bound child's body onto the fire. (practical and brutal, when it's needed. I don't even want to wonder whether he's done it before.)

— he's still wearing his broken watch and he is very much not okay.

— tess is all steel. I'm a little scared of her as a person and I love her as a character. what the fuck are they both up to that they can handle criminal dealings like this.

— "I promised him you wouldn't hurt him, but I would very much like for you to hurt him." CLEAR AND TO THE POINT.

— no but that's a lot of fun though. clear communication, what seems like no real lies when she's negotiating with her captor, just a forthright attitude that's so easy to believe and a comfortable willingness to mislead him.

— "you don't have a fucking ear on your fucking head" would be a fun way to accuse someone of not listening

— "y'all talk it through, but please remember that I'm bleeding out." I LIKE MARLENE

— and here we see joel's fight response to trauma, which will, I hope, serve him well. that flashback was evil though.

— what the FUCK is the expression on ellie's face. is that awe. is that delight. miss, you're very fucked up, do you know that

things I expected: ellie being a murder child; joel being a traumatised badass with a soft spot for her. did NOT expect ellie to be THAT much of a murder child, or joel's soft spot to be that well-armoured. this is gonna be interesting to see.

and I didn't expect tess, who's interesting, and scary in her own right, and rugged in a way women aren't generally allowed to be in the zombie genre. this was a really pleasant surprise.

[fishylife]

Splitting up my screencaps post for the Creation of the Gods variety series. Here's episodes 4 and 5. (Episode 4) (Episode 5)

Episode 4

More clumsy audio editing...while they were riding in the fields I heard two audio tracks with different music

They're riding in Inner Mongolia :o

His scarf lol

I kept seeing Zhang Xuehan in the training camp but I didn't remember her playing a character in the movie. MDL says she's in the first movie as Qiong Han but I'm wondering if she actually appears in later movies. Wuershan only mentioned that Xuehan had trained with Naxi though.

Ci Sha likes singing :3

They ate with the local villagers

Yu Shi riding the tractor coolly: I have to be the hottest person on the farm

Next scene: *Yu Shi chasing pig and failing to get a selfie*

Sandstorm on the plains :o

Naran was like "aw, wish I got to learn to ride horses with y'all :<"

Archery lessons!!

Parkour with bows >)

Oh no, Yu Shi's horse stopped at the last second ^^;; Guess they got scared

And then they began training for the sword dance

Third evaluations

Naran dance performance

That's kinda badass

Yeah their drum performances are pretty cool

Naxi and Xuehan played the drums while the guys did the archery and sword performance.

Lol Liu Tianchiw as loving the violence during the performance XD

Oh this is cool, they've prepared choreographed fights in different formations with different weapons

Hou Wenyuan felt he was most suited for Yang Jian :o

So apparently in the original script, the dance at the feast was different. After Wuershan watched the guys' performance, he changed that dance to the sword + shield dance.

Liu Han was getting emotional during his thank you speech to the teachers and the guys were like "CRY!!!!!!" XD Meanwhile in the studio Yu Shi was like "aw cute :3"

Omg more shoddy audio, during the speaking segment afterwards the audio of those on set was completely cut out...we just heard the music v.v

Acting performances are the final hurdle :o

Nooooo overlapping music audios again ToT I've brought this up several times but it's because it's very distracting.

Wuershan said that during camp, the trainees didn't know the script nor the characters. That being said I think I saw at least one trainee wear a 封神 T-shirt so I think they maybe had some idea but not the specifics.

Now that they have their assigned roles, they're finally getting into analyzing their specific characters.

Bro his long hair T_T I wonder if he was keeping it long for the movie or if it just happened like that. Chen Muchi's hair was growing long too so maybe it's the former.

Are we going to get any commentary on the creation of Chen Muchi's stage name

Jing Niansong marking Yu Shi's quiz on Chen Muchi like it's an actual test XD

Yin Jiao and Ji Fa bonding time by playing hide and seek.

Chen Muchi looking for Yu Shi with a SWORD X'D

Chen Muchi disturbing Hou-ge bouncing his yoga ball during hide and seek XD

Chen Muchi succeeded in the end, finding Yu Shi in 2min30s

In the third portion of the training camp, all the candidates considered for Ji Fa were in one team, and all the candidates considered for Yin Jiao were in the other team. So Yu Shi and Chen Muchi wouldn't have bumped into each other too much during that time.

Chen Muchi learning guqin and struggling ^^;; I mean yeah, he's a jock

Zhou Mi laughing at how Chen Muchi plays the guqin XD He was like "why do you touch it like you're being electrocuted" ^^;; From his scene before with the guqin teacher, I think Chen Muchi isn't used to plucking something as delicate as a string.

Naran learned guqin too :3

And also all sorts of dance. She said she trained for 2 years for not even 2 minutes of dance on screen. But that's showbiz isn't it.

Naran talked about how she studied foxes, went to the zoo to take videos, watched videos of them all the time. There are a couple of clips of her practising waking up as Daji and we see how different her mannerisms have become in the later videos.

And then training fox characteristics even more with Sang Lin

Oh this is super cool, now Sang Lin is 'attacking' her with a sword and she has to defend herself as a fox.

Interesting detail, Sang Lin said that most animals will swat inwards, not outwards.

Afterwards we see her practising a scene with Chen Muchi where Yin Jiao is trying to kill Daji.

Hou Wenyuan as Yang Jian lol. I don't know if it's confirmation bias but it just doesn't feel right lol. Hou Wenyuan as the asshole Chong Yingbiao works because Hou Wenyuan is a big personality. Ci Sha as Yang Jian works because we know he's 斯文 and a little formal. Hou Wenyuan admitted that this was not it so afterwards he was cast as Chong Yingbiao lmao.

Huang Xiyan started practising spear since he heard that the Erlang Shen character hadn't been cast yet.

Ci Sha had trained to be a hostage son for 6 months and then he was cast as Yang Jian, so he had to retrain all over again, practising spear with long robes.

LMAO Ci Sha singing while dragging Nezha around

Omg but Wu Yafan climbing all over Ci Sha was cute X3

Wu Yafan kept getting the giggles while practising lines with Zhou Mi (who was playing Jiang Ziya). Yafan kept accidentally calling Zhou Mi 師父 instead of 師叔 and every time Zhou Mi would be like "誰是你師父啊?!"

Oh shit, we found out about Huang Xiyan's personal history with his own father, and how that translated into his character's feelings about his father. Did not fucking help that we had two pieces of music overlapping during this moving scene and I couldn't fully concentrate on Huang Xiyan telling his story.

Afterwards, Li Yunrui was like "bro are you crying? why aren't you crying yet?"

Wuershan said that everyone who attended the training camp would be assigned a role. So for those who didn't get major or supporting roles, if they were willing to stay, Wuershan would assign them smaller roles.

Voting for this episode's title was fairly even because frankly everyone worked very hard for this movie.

Episode 5

Cute :3

I'm not sure exactly what kind of martial arts they're practising. Is it kickboxing or MMA? Anyway it's more hand-to-hand combat.

After checking their fundamentals the coach was like "yeah we're starting from zero with these ones"

The guys getting hyped for Chen Muchi vs. Ci Sha. I think Wu Yafan said that Ci Sha had practised this kind of MMA before. Anyway they were kind of laughing that they each never defended, they only ever attacked.

They went by the beach today to fight and do obstacles in the sand. Real 男子漢 stuff.

Strategy for gaining possession of the tire: Hug your bro, even if he's on the other team

Hou-ge's Strategy #1: Push Ci Sha, realize he's on your team, push someone else

Nana hides her face in the fox plush when she's laughing really hard :3

Hou-ge's Strategy #2: Take Yu Shi's pants off

Naxi and Nana CRYING laughing at Hou Wenyuan's shenanigans X'D

And then Hou-ge having a relaxing time on the beach lol. Just anything this guy does is hilarious tbh.

Hou Wenyuan and Yu Shi having a tussle (fake) in the water

Crawling with your bro on your back

LMAO there are not one, but TWO wedding photoshoots going on in the background

More hardcore military obstacle training in the sand

There are a lot of big mansions in the background

I wonder if Li Yunrui used to play soccer.

Bro Li Yunrui ALWAYS leans into Huang Xiyan when he laughs

BEACH BOYS PHOTOSHOOT

Riding horsies in the water! :3

"Recognize the man by his torso" game

Lol talent show night

I'm starting to wonder if the layered music is to prevent strikes from copyrighted music???? It's so distracting though, I'd rather they just mute it tbh.

Naran's birthday! :3

And then Wu Yafan's birthday :3

They said they are family ;_;

(Having to delete screencaps at this point because too many pictures in the post ToT)

Naxi recorded a lot of Naran's fox videos and also when Naran was still figuring out how to act like a fox, Naxi try acting as a fox with her so she wouldn't feel so awkward :3

Whenever Li Yunrui learns something new, he'll show Huang Xiyan...and Huang Xiyan will low key not pay attention lol

Lol the cello again

[namkooktyddys]

2. DISHONESTY

Three Days Ago

Author's P.O.V:

"I am so damn excited to see myself in that gown you know? The day is just 72 hours away and... And boom! My last name won't be Lee anymore! Like, do you even understand what I'm saying huh?...... Yeah yeah, come on now, I know Duri, being with your grandma is more important than my wedding now stop sulking. She's sick and you gotta care for her right? It's not like we can't catch up once I get hitched with him. I just wan-"

Walking into the dressing room you saw two people. You were stupefied by the sight. Your throat went dry the moment you saw the most unexpected scene in front of you.

Your fiancé cheating on you with your sister, Ha-Eun.

"....Y/N...? Are you on the line?....You still there?.... Y/N!?" Duri, on the other line was repeatedly calling for you but your ears went deaf seeing them desperately making out with each other. It was like the earth beneath your feet has slipped. Just to let them know that they have been caught, you make an apparent thud with your feet after making another obvious screech sound while you angrily pushed away the curtains of the dressing room.

"Why are you here?"

Without even sparing a glance, you turn around to leave the room. Of course it was hella disturbing - His face was buried into Ha-Eun's neck and her hands holding onto his hairs. Her chest was half bare and already had fresh hickeys and on the other hand, his belt and pants were undone.

Nothing could make you feel more worthless right now. Not your sister again making you feel inferior to her. She always had the best and now your marrier too.

You heard her leaving the room but didn't even care to have a look as you knew if she comes in front of you, your palms would already be kissing her cheeks.

"I told you I could pick up your gown myself and you don't have to come along" He came closer to you, fixing his plain black Ralph Lauren shirt. His eyes were yet fixed on his shirt, now focused on rolling his sleeves up, as if he was trying to hide his gaze from you. And why was his temperament so fucking calm as if he hasn't fucked up big time?

Oh! How badly your heart felt a pang on seeing him looking through his lashes, checking if you were 'mad' at what he did.

Surely, you were digging holes in his soul by staring at him with your teary eyes the whole time.

"That was accidental, Y/N."

The audacity to call the entire episode a mere 'accident'! Your blood was boiling as unlike earlier, he maintained a deep eye contact this time which showed no glint of remorse and the very moment you bitterly blurt out-

"Accidental I see... Did your pants accidentally slip off or you kissed her accidentally? Huh!!"

"Watch your tone you-" Your jaw was cupped painfully harshly while his left hand roughly pulled you towards him by your waist. He clenched his jaw in anger whereas his eyes were as devilish as a demon. How silly it felt to not have a control over your own body. You were beyond shocked to see this side of him. A man, all sweet, charming, cute and lovely 16 months ago, became as scary as a thunderstorm in a snap!

Being this close, you observed how the sides of his neck and jaw had light marks of lipstick and his body smelled exactly like that of Ha-Eun's.

You felt powerless, so damn feeble and fragile in his arms. No way you would reveal how weak and heartbroken you were because why? Why should you unveil it to him? You were strong and fierce and he shall know that. But your eyes were betraying you. A tear was already rolling down your cheeks and for a matter of second, his eyes held a glimpse of...guilt?

The said man leaned closer and placed his lips forcefully on the corner of yours.

How the fuck did you let him kiss you? You pressed your lips into a thin line to restrict him from going further. Pure disgust was crippling up through your whole body.

You loathe his touch now.

"BACK OFF KIM TAEHYUNG! DON'T YOU DARE TO TOUCH ME WITH THOSE BLOODY FILTHY HANDS!"

Gathering up your full strength, you hardly pushed him with the utmost force and wiped your lips with the back of your palm.

Taehyung let go of your figure walking back to a distance, and crossed his arms over his chest. You wanted to slap off that dirty, mocking chuckle that he just left. Fixing his hairs boldly, he took a few steps towards you.

"May I remind you, in two days, I'm gonna be your husband. Behave, Lee Y/N."

"I. AM. NOT. MARRYING. A. CHEATER."

You said looking into his eyes, pausing after each word to symbolise that you were adamant in your decision and your tone did sound firm but you were taken aback when Taehyung started chuckling insanely at what you just said.

His laughs immediately stopped and you furrowed your eyebrows. You were confused, a bit scared, furious, pissed off and emotionally drained and his actions were surprising you every second.

This is not the Taehyung you knew.

"Seriously, Y/N?"

Your name never sounded so nauseating from his mouth ever before.

He seemed really intimidating with that voice which went deeper than it was normally before.

Bending down to match your height, he again leaned closer but you backed off as an impulsive behaviour. He continued after licking his lips, "Our parents have invested millions of bucks in this wedding and you really think they're just gonna let you to blow it all?"

For a while, you gave a thought on what he said but again, your parents are not the one who is gonna spend the rest of their lives with him. You are the one who is going to.

Taehyung proceeded to grab a bridal veil from one of the mannequins placed around you. Clipping it onto the crown of your head neatly, he nonchalantly spoke, "You do not decide anything in your life, darling."

"I will get married for sure, but not with you."

All your sadness swept away. You sounded confident enough for the urge to get back, seeking retaliation was the only thought clouding your brain and mind right now. You were blinded by hate and also, your only motive was to either escape this marriage or prevent it from happening.

"Pft! Such a silly little girl. How will you find a groom in three days?"

"I don't have to explain you how, who, what, when, where. You are no one to me. No fucking one!"

For a matter of fact, your tone went a couple of octaves low and again Taehyung's face had that freaking mucky smirk which was irking each nerve in your body. You challenging him and the determination in you was giving him the desire to burst out in laughter.

"I am your fiancé and we are meant to get married really very soon honey. You know that well. Isn't it?"

Putting both his hands inside the pockets of his pants, he stood straight, taking a good look at your whole figure from head to toe and smiled cunningly.

A game of intense stare was going on between you both and Taehyung was the one to break it first. He turned his back at you to leave the room for the best and walked towards the exit.

His figure was seemingly decreasing in size as he neared the exit but his words were ringing loudly in your ears.

"See you at the altar, Ms. Le-... No!.. Soon-to-be Mrs. Kim."

___________________________________________________________

Author's Note:

Don't worry, I won't make him as bad as you are thinking. Our TaeTae is such a pure soul. One of the best 7 Bois to exist! 😩💕

[isagrimorie]

So I've been mainlining all things Trek the past few weeks, Picard S3 really re-invigorated my love for the franchise.

Rewatching Voyager with an eye to Seven-centric episodes with a few Janeway-centric ones. Seasons 4 to 5 are really great! Netflix apparently poneyed up some money to get Trek shows back. The old Trek shows though and not the new ones.

Star Trek Picard: No Man's Land: The Raffi and Seven Audio drama and I wish they did more of this. It's about time Star Trek caught up to Doctor Who's Big Finish. It's a really good adventure story but also it's such a good romance and love story for Raffi and Seven, but not just with them.

Star Trek Picard: Second Self by Una McCormack is such a great Raffi Musiker novel with an unexpected thread Deep Space Nine thread and connection. AND Raffi having a vision of Gabe, Elnor, and most importantly, Seven of Nine years before Raffi would have met or known about Seven!

They're the new Imzadi-style couple for Star Trek, I'm pinning that star!

Strange New Worlds - Its first season is free on youtube (US). It's really good and harkens back to TOS style and is very much an ensemble show! Also! There are LIGHTS AND I CAN SEE! (side eyes season 3 of Picard). I love the way it has character-centric episodes and Monsters of the Week without resetting the status quo. The frustrating thing about Voyager is that they get into these interesting situations that reset back to zero. I'm glad it's not the case for SNW.

Weirdly, with all that it's doing great and awesome characters of Uhura, Una, and La'An I haven't tipped into fully loving it. I like it but I don't feel the fannish love yet. I'm sure it will, it's just not there yet. Also, Pike's gravity-defying hair is really disturbing me, I want to reach into the screen and mess it up.

I love Paul Wesley as Stefan Salvatore but I'm not feeling him as Kirk... So I'm withholding judgment until I see him in season 2. Paul is really great at playing jackasses, his Silas being a snarky asshole was GREAT. But I don't know about him being Kirk...

Up next on the Trek Queue:

Star Trek Discovery s4, I'm still looking for legal streams to watch it since they took it off Netflix Philippines. Netflix got the rights back for TOS, TNG, VOY, and DS9 but not the ones I want to watch legally to support namely: Discovery and Picard.

I'll give it a few days, if nothing springs up I'm gonna have to go through the black flag.

[thatshithurted8]

jeff wittek imagine where the reader and jeff go on vacation together like to vegas or miami???

Holiday 

Summary: Throughout your mini holiday in Miami with your boyfriend Jeff, he realizes just how special you and your relationship are. 

Word Count: 2.3k

Warning: Tooth rotting fluff, mention of alcoholism and Jeff’s accident

A/N This is also inspired by KSI’s song Holiday! 

I wanna wake up every mornin', feelin' better 'Cause I know you're sleeping by my side And every moment we're together I remember just to keep it all for you and I

Jeff’s brown eyes slowly open, being awoken by a crying baby that was a few rows behind you two. He lets out a yawn before looking over at you who were fast asleep on his shoulder. 

Something that not a lot of people knew was that Jeff hated flying despite being a certified skydiver. Ever since he was younger he was never a fan of flying, only now he was a bit more comfortable with it due to his experience skydiving. Nevertheless his initial nerves after waking up quickly wash away just from being in your presence.

Wanting to capture this seemingly perfect moment, Jeff slowly grabs his phone out of his pocket without disturbing you and takes a quick picture. As he analyzes the picture his heart swells at how at peace and comfortable you looked sleeping on him and in one of his sweaters. The two of you were extremely tired from catching a red eye flight to Miami so no wonder why you both fell asleep. 

Saving the picture Jeff puts his phone away and slowly opens the blind of your window seat. The rising sun shines into your row, the rays illuminating your face making your features and long lashes more prominent. The purpose of the trip to Miami was to watch the Logan Paul vs Floyd Mayweather fight. In fact you were ecstatic when Jeff told you he got you guys tickets to the event since you grew up watching boxing with your family and you were a huge fan of Mayweather. With that being said you had no idea how close the tickets Jeff got were to the ring. 

Jeff’s breath hitches as he admires you. He was so in love with you and was so excited to see your reaction to being ringside. As Jeff softly moves some stray hairs out of your face he realizes everything he does is for the benefit for not only you, but your relationship as well. It was you two against the world. 

I see that body in the sunlight Feelin' the heat and it feels right I wanna do this for the rest of my life

“I know you guys are dating and all, but you seriously need to stop staring before you sink the boat with your drool.” Mike Maijlak says walking over to Jeff’s side and handing him a La Croix. 

Jeff booked your mini holiday to last a few days before and after the fight which gave you guys the opportunity to explore Miami and let lose. With that being said neither of you were going to turn down Mike’s invite to join him on a yacht to party. So there you were talking and dancing with some girls you knew from LA while sipping on a La Croix. 

Jeff lets out a laugh while opening one of his favourite drinks. “I can’t help it man, just look at her.” He says taking a sip of the bubbly liquid while continuing to admire you from afar. 

The Miami sun that shined onto your skin paired with your infectious laugh, seemingly gave you a golden glow that made you standout. Not only that, but the bikini that you were wearing flattered your body type so well. 

After feeling as if someone was staring at you for the past few minutes you finally turn and look around the boat to find the owner of the eyes that were on you. Quickly your eyes find Jeff’s brown ones and you realize it was just Jeff staring at you the whole time, causing heat to wash over your body at his gaze. 

You shoot him a smirk and wink in return before turning back around to continue your conversation. A smirk of his own falls upon Jeff’s face as you do so, along with a light shade of pink on his cheeks. 

“You’re so whipped.” Mike laughs shaking his head, finally speaking up after watching the whole interaction. 

“Well I wanna be whipped for her for the rest of my life then.” Jeff says without realizing how big of a statement that was while his eyes remained on your beautiful figure. 

Oh, I know, I know, you know the vibe I wanna stay with you every night You and me underneath the lights I'm always good when you're by my side I know, you know you're on my mind You really make me come alive I wanna be here for the rest of my life

“Jeff look at my hands I’m literally shaking I can’t believe we’re this close!” You exclaim while glancing between your boyfriend and the boxing ring in front of you. 

“Only the best for you doll.” He says sending you a wink while laughing. For the past hour and a half as you two watched the undercards you continued to gush about your seats making Jeff happy to see you happy. 

Without wasting another second you roughly grab Jeff by his green shirt and pull him in for a passionate kiss. Just before the brunette could immerse himself into it fully you pull away. Some of your lipstick was smudged and Jeff knew without a doubt he had some on his lips, but he didn’t care. In that moment it truly seemed as if you two were the only ones there under the rings bright lights and in an arena full of screaming fans while you two stared into each others eyes lovingly. 

Your attention on your boyfriend is torn away when the already loud arena becomes even louder as Mayweather starts to walk out. Quickly you start to cheer for your favourite boxer while jumping up and down and clapping excitedly. Jeff glances between you and the boxing legend before his gaze finally lands on you. 

You look over at your boyfriend with a smile that was from ear to ear. “It’s Floyd fucking Mayweather!” You exclaim pointing over to the undefeated boxer entering the ring. 

A smile washes over Jeff’s face as he laughs at your excitement. You truly resembled a child in a toy store. Seeing your excitement only made Jeff more excited, causing him to join in on cheering for Mayweather despite being friends with Logan. 

There was no one else Jeff would rather be with to witness the fight and this thought only made him realize he wants to be by your side for the rest of his life. 

Looking for sun rays, needin' them good days Fly me away-away, you're my holiday Cool like the ocean, lost in emotion Fly me away-away, you're my holiday Whenever you're here it's a good time Strawberry shirts in the sunshine Ice-cold drinks 'til the moonlight You're my holiday Whenever you're here it's a good time Strawberry shirts in the sunshine Ice-cold drinks 'til the moonlight You're my holiday

The next few days after the fight was a whirlwind, but in a good way. Despite having a good time underneath the Miami sun and it’s nightlife Jeff wouldn’t be having as good of a time if you weren’t there. You truly made the trip for him, making the sunny days that were good for his mental health even better and the dreary days full of life from your infectious positivity and smile.  

You let out a loud laugh as you and Jeff wrap your arms around each others, mimicking a toast before brining your drink to your lips while your boyfriend did the same. At the same time you two sip at your virgin drinks while maintaining eye contact with each other in the close position. You gulp down the rest of your cold drink despite it being alcohol free before untangling your arm with Jeff’s and ordering another at the outside bar. 

Over the past four years of knowing Jeff the two of you created a special connection that no one in your friend group had with each other. And that was being sober. Jeff turned to alcohol after his break up with his ex girlfriend while you on the other hand turned to it to deal with the death of your mom. To say you were there for each other was an understatement. When the temptation to drink was too much Jeff would call you up and the two of you would go on late night hikes and talk about everything and anything, and vice versa for you. There was always a mutual pining for one another, but neither of you acted on it due to how broken you both were at the time. However, as the years went by your feelings only intensified along with Jeff’s. Though it wasn’t until a few months after Jeff’s accident when he took a leap of faith and finally confessed his feelings to you after realizing how short life truly was.

Jeff places his glass on the bar as well, placing his hand on the small of your back while looking around the crowded club that was partly inside and partly outside. Once you get a refill of your drink you turn around sipping on the paper straw, your back leaning against the bar causing Jeff to redirect his attention back to you. 

“You look beautiful.” He says looking down at you in his arms. 

Heat washes over your face and Jeff’s smile widens at how flustered you still got after all this time together. He loved showering you in words of affirmation and he meant every thing he said to you. Although, you always look beautiful the way the moonlight reflected off of your skin made you look angelic. It was a great contrast to you earlier in the day at the beach wearing a strawberry printed bikini that made Jeff feel a certain way. 

“Thank you baby you don’t look too bad yourself.” You say placing a soft peck on Jeff’s lips before pulling him towards the dance floor. 

I wanna stay up 'til the mornin' with you talkin' Just to listen to the things you say And every time we're in the middle of the city I imagine us so far away

The two of you sat down in a booth with Mike Majilak and Logan Paul at a random Denny’s that was in between your hotel and the club you four were previously partying at. By now the jet lag and the numerous activities you and Jeff participated in was starting to catch up to you. However, that wasn’t apparent to anyone other than Jeff as you talked the boys ears off while eating. 

“We’ll see you guys later! And once again Y/N text me when you’re free to film an episode of ImPaulsive.” Logan says as him and Mike get out of the booth, placing money on the table and getting ready to leave the restaurant. 

“Of course!” You exclaim before picking up your lemonade and drinking what was left. Jeff bids his goodbyes to the two influencers and once they leave you quickly rest your head on his broad shoulder, letting out a loud sigh. 

“You okay doll?” Jeff asks placing his hand on your thigh. 

“Yea just tired.” You say kissing his neck and placing your hand on his cheek. Similar to Jeff you were able to pick up on the energy of situations and that affected how you acted. So once Mike and Logan left you felt as if you could finally wind down from their partying aura. 

A comforting silence falls upon you two and your eyes slowly flutter close as the rising sun shines in through the Denny’s windows. As cliche as it sounded Jeff felt as if it was only you two in the quiet breakfast place. The brunette rests his head against yours and his eyes follows your lead by shutting close. 

The two of you remain in this position for a few minutes, cherishing not only the first quiet moment of the trip, but also the little moments you two shared. 

Ooh, ooh Ooh, you're my holiday

Scratching at his eyes and stretching Jeff slowly and quietly gets out of bed, the sun filtering in through the hotels curtains and onto your sleeping body. You looked so peaceful and he didn’t want to disturb that. Once you guys returned to your hotel room from a night out partying and a very early breakfast at Denny’s the two of you instantly fell asleep. 

Jeff glances at the analogue clock on the bedside table which read 2:34pm before he slips on a pair of pants and a t-shirt. Making sure to not wake you Jeff grabs his phone, wallet and room key then quietly leaves your shared room. However, before he leaves he makes sure to place a gentle kiss on your forehead and whisper to you how much he loves you. 

Throughout the trip he was constantly reminded of how much he loved you. You helped him through some of the darkest times in his life and after all this time of knowing and being together Jeff finally knew what he had to do. 

Remembering a shop that was a few buildings away from your hotel, Jeff quickly walks over to it wanting to be back before you woke up. The Staten Island native hands become clammy as he approaches the store, his tough guy persona seemingly crashing down with every step he took. 

The bell above the shops door dings as Jeff walks in causing a sales representative to walk over to him with a welcoming smile. 

“Good afternoon how can I help you?” She asks. Jeff takes a look around the quaint shop and all of the glass casings before redirecting his attention back to the worker. 

“Hi uh yea, I was wondering if you guys have any engagement rings?” 

[ooooo-mcyt]

For real though watching yhs has lead me to the conclusion that despite Grian seemingly has such an active fight instinct....most of the time he actually doesnt respond to situations with half the fight attributed to him.

When faced with a traumatic situation Grian will absolutely bare his teeth at the nearest threat. He's absolutely vitriolic towards Sam at all times without fail and has even initiated physical violence in their confrontations once or twice. He's often on edge, often quick to angry outbursts, just overall rather hostile when faced with a dangerous/frightening/harmful situation. Which definitely indicates his main response to these scenarios is to fight. Hard.

However the more I engaged with fanon the more I faltered. A lot of fanon does portray him as very hostile in the face of trouble. Which should make sense. Canonically Grian knows when to say no, when to argue, and even sometimes when to physically fight back. Any episode with Grian present will likely have examples of him pushing back against harmful situations. And yet something always feels very Off about that being the start and end of it in a lot of fanon. Which led me down an interesting line of thinking.

I honestly suspect that Grian's volatility and will to fight back isn't nearly as strong as one would believe from observing him on surface level. In fact, his on the surface hostility feels like it's borderline a facade altogether to be honest.

I mean look at examples throughout canon of Grian in distressing situations.

Yhs halloween episode. The one where Taurtis got stabbed. And the following situation where Grian is famously forced to dress up like Taurtis. Grian would later be very upset about Sam stabbing Taurtis, however his initial response was to nervously laugh and even give Sam appeasing praise. I mean, Grian says "you weren't supposed to stab him" pretty clearly, but he anxiously laughs before and afterwards and even tells Sam he's proud of him when prompted. Obviously Grian was very upset about the whole thing later on after taking Taurtis to the hospital however in the moment he's mostly silent and when he's not he's just nervously laughing throughout, even agreeing with whatever *Sam* says when he's outright prompted by name for an opinion, then when everyone else tries to play it off casually Grian actually goes along with it almost entirely, even agreeing to let Taurtis drive him home for some reason. Then, according to his own story, he had an opportunity to talk to police at the hospital and he didn't incriminate Sam. He knew they were supicious of *him* but he still didn't incriminate the actual killer. "I told them I found him like that" Grian alleged. Honestly it sounds like he didn't tell them much of *anything* before being released and making the walk back to meet Sam. The next morning Grian was significantly more vocally upset about Taurtis being stabbed and expressed being upset with Sam however he seemed significantly more anxious than he was angry throughout the interaction. Then Grian immediately pretty readily agreed to go with Sam and Yuki to school and willingly put on the Taurtis outfit before the other's even started with the threats in the name of making things 'less awkward'. He certainly objected, however he was once again a lot more anxious than angry, nervously laughing, coming up with really weak unimportant excuses, and agreeing within ten seconds of being asked. Pretty much the rest of his time dressed as Taurtis goes very similarly. He objects to most things he's told to do and brings up Sam stabbing Taurtis multiple times despite the other's not wanting him to but is primarily nervous rather than hostile and he never actuslly puts up enough resistence for it to stick. Even when the other's were stuffing plastic down his throat and he told them he thought it may kill him Grian still did it and told the other's he *liked* it when pushed. Eventually he got out of it by running on Rowan's command and no sooner than being told to get out of there. When Sam found him again Grian immediately even reverted back to doing as he was told and cowering away from him in obvious fear up until Okami and Rowan showed up and shoved Grian behind them. Then he *still went home that night* knowing Sam would be there. When they found Taurtis it was pretty clear that Grian was hoping Taurtis would help him once he got his memory back however when instructed to stop telling Taurtis who he was Grian for the most part did aside from subtle pushing about the familiarity of certain things and then later when Taurtis got his memory back and made it pretty clear he wasn't going to help Grian? Grian conceded. He spent a good few minutes arguing about everything he'd gone through- everything they both had- and insisting it wasn't okay but when Taurtis made it pretty clear he wasn't going to do anything and they collectively agreed Grian was the real problem? Grian kinda...stopped. When Taurtis made it clear he wasn't going to be helping, Grian just kinda fell back into their normal routine with the other's, and when Sam demanded an 'apology soda' from Grian for what he'd apparently done, Grian bought it for him saying "If that's what it takes for things to go back to normal".

Let's also look at Grian's involvement with the law during/shortly-after the Halloween situation. When Sam and Yuki dragged him to join the Yakuza he was upset and objected anxiously but caved as soon as he got pushback. When Sam wanted to steak from the Yakuza he once again got objections from Grian who nervously insisted that it was a terrible idea but once again Sam shoved aside Grian's complaints and once again Grian just kinda fell into place despite being upset. When the police also started threatening the trio's lives to work for them, Grian objected. He questioned if they were allowed to do that and was very openly not happy about any of it, however he very quickly submitted under pressure. Both times Grian was locked in solitary confinement he loudly protested his sanity and both times he voiced how disturbing it was on a really deep level being locked up like that but both times when he was let out he just went with the other two again and let them brush it all off- even knowing full well they let him out to be *death fodder*. He just went with them relatively quietly save for maybe a token remark or two. Honestly the large majority of this bs Grian was involved with was under physical threat and he almost always bent under it. Even down to his fight with Pie over Ellen. Pie showed up and started challenging their relationship. Sam, Taurtis, and Yuki insisted they have a knife fight. Grian said *no*. Pie said yes. Sam, Taurtis, and Yuki affirmed there would be a knife fight. Grian objects more. Everyone else present discusses how the knife fight will work. Grian gets stabbed. Grian suggests they just ask Ellen who they want to date *obviously*. Ellen chooses nobody and leaves. Grian was upset but then just kinda accepts it and goes on with what the whole group was doing before.

And just to round this out with one more example. The Starwars Cosplay Incident. Apparently Sam burst into Grian's room, undressed him, shoved him into Leia Cosplay complete with fake boobs, and locked him in the basement for three days. Grian sits there for three days until Taurtis rescues him.  Grian has a moment of being rightfully very angry and finally even tries to physically attack Sam, demanding to know if Taurtis is aware of what Sam did to him and insisting that they can't expect everything to be fine now. Except it kinda...was. Taurtis stopped Grian from attacking Sam, they both brushed it off as a joke and not a big deal, and then they went to school. And Grian just *went*. He walked with the other two, he wore the outfit Sam put him in, and he just kinda moved on. Grian would later object when the clones tried to pull him out of class, snapping that he just wants to learn and get an education like a normal person and demanding to know why he's not allowed to. But he goes! And when he's released he walks right back to Sam and Taurtis, makes some bitter remarks to them, and let's them shove it all aside as if it's unimportant. Later when it's Grian, Sam, and a member of school staff alone in the closet, some innapropriate remarks are made to Grian. He very quickly says he's reporting the remarks made by school staff but Sam tells him not to be rude and it doesn't seem Grian ever does. Later on when Geode makes a comment about Grian's outfit as well Sam and Taurtis start pondering *giving* Grian to them. Grian repeatedly said *no* but with a lot more despair than defiance and we don't even know if he'd have actually followed through with fighting back if they'd tried to actually give him away because they were interrupted before the situation got to that point. Grian once again just let the other's move on as if that didn't happen and continued following them around, though! And he wore that damn outfit he was very explicitly uncomfortable with. All day.

Which is kinda all to say that when it comes to fighting back Grian is a lot more bark than bite.

Grian throws out a lot of bitter remarks, makes his objections very apparent in most things, and even has more than one vitriolic rant to his abuser(s) throughout the series. But that layer of his responses to things is so fragile that it tends to fall away within minutes- if that, sometimes *seconds*.

Of course ive seen other people take note of this and argue that it means Grian actually *wants* to do these thingd he's objecting to but I think that's silly. If it were just things like group crime or violent acts then id possibly see it but Grian puts up the same kind of response to having plastic shoved down his throat and to being locked in the basement for days which there's no way in hell he was any kind of okay with. The more likely scenario here isn't that he secretly wanted to do any of these things and made his resistence weak so he could pretend he tried while still doing it.

The likely scenario here is that his fight response is much more for show than one would think. Because Grian's strongest most influential response to things really never seems to be to fight. Aggression is really hardly Grian's overall stance on handling a distressing situation.

Much more frequently you see the most influence coming from completely other instinctive responses.

Looking for outside help in adults, friends, and classmates like when Okami and Rowan protected him during his time dressed as Taurtis or when Grian tried desperately to get Taurtis to be on his side and help him after Sam seriously hurt him both when Taurtis first got his memory back after Halloween and when Taurtis found Grian in the basement during the Starwars Cosplay Incident, hell, even during his fight with Pie it can be argued that Grian calling for them to just ask Ellen was an appeal to outside help as he hoped Ellen would agree to end the fight and save him from the situation as a result.

Running away- or trying to at least- from the threat. Most notably seen back during the halloween incident when he quite literally ran out the back of the gym and hid from Sam+Yuki then hiding behind Okami and Rowan when they showed up in an attempt to flee from Sam which is how he got away from the other's at all during that situation. Grian's consistent need to exclaim every so often how much he wants to go back to Europe is a subtler example of this, though, of Grian's urge to get away.

Honestly though being quiet and moving as he's directed seems to be the most common winning response. You see little sparks of reaction from him but most of the time Grian is just quiet, nervously laughing, following Taurtis and Sam around in what they ask of him, and even outright appeasement strategies to maintain a calm environment. This is So common from Grian. This is what usually wins out. His quiet nervous laughter and agreeing with Sam when Taurtis is first stabbed. The fact that he didn't tell the police what Sam did when alone with them during questioning and then immediately walked to meet up with Sam and went to school with Sam+Yuki with literally no objections. The fact that he didn't say no like *at all* to putting on the Taurtis outfit in the name of not making things awkward and complied within seconds of first being asked. How he proceeded to do what he was asked all day and didn't make any move to get away until Rowan outright instructed him to run. The fact that he went back! The fact that he went along with it when they joined the Yakuza and when they stole from the Yakuza and when they joined up with the cops and when they *forced him into a knife fight*. How Grian eventually just lost his spark of defiance after Taurtis first got his memories back and made it clear he wasn't helping Grian, with Grian agreeing to buy Sam a fucking *apology soda* if it meant things would go back to normal after hearing everyone else agree that *he* was the problem in all he'd been put through. The way he just goes back to following Sam and Taurtis after they got him locked in solitary confinement on blatant lies because they *wanted* to. The way he walks around school with the other two while wearing cosplay that made him feel gross and uncomfortable that Sam had literally physically forced onto him and just went along with what he was told in the end.

Grian always puts up a fight but not a good one. He makes side comments, he makes objections, he even has more than one emotional rant about the hell he's put through, however this never wins out in the end and this presenting fight is very frequently just barely holding down much stronger freeze and fawn instincts that usually win out pretty damn quick.

Which!!! In a situation like Grian's it actually makes significantly more sense to have strong freeze and fawn responses than to have a strong fight response! I mean, think about it. A fight response is primarily useful in scenarios in which it's possible to take strong action to remove the threat. You're attacked by a dog so you throw stuff at it till it backs away. You're picked on by an upperclassman so you punch em' in the nose expecting fully that they'll leave you be after. Someone attacks you while you're walking home so you try and stab them with your key. Fighting is an incredibly good response for random/one time attacks. If you're ever kidnapped you wanna scream and punch and kick and make a scene so they can't take you to a secondary location. You fight. Fighting is optimal for unexpected stranger conflicts. That's not the situation Grian's in though. Grian suffers from serious long term physical, emotional, and financial abuse. He's in a country he doesn't have residency or family in, he doesn't have a readily available source of income, he doesn't have his own mode of transportation, it seems that most of the time he doesnt have a clear way home, he's often dealing with long term friends of his and seemingly his biggest source of support prior to this situation, even back in Europe he doesn't have much support system to run to given his parents canonically left him, he's frequently under threat of physical danger, etc. This is not the kind of situation in which an intense primary fight response helps. This is the type of situation in which an intense primary fight response either gets you seriously hurt or wandering the streets with no way to provide for yourself. It would likely be similar if he presented an intense primary flight response to be honest. In long term abuse situations where there's no rational way of escaping safely or no rational place to escape to? Often the primary responses that promote survival are fawn and freeze. Appeasing the aggressor or sinking into the background. Those are your ways to stay alive when you can't expect to 'win' or escape. It absolutely makes more sense for Grian to have primary fawn and freeze responses than a primary fight response.

But then why does he present so much hostility? What's with all the bitter remarks and the attempts to voice objections and the occasional overt insults/screaming? How does a fawn/freeze response present as fight when first pressed at?? Well fun fact, I have experience with that kind of presentation because I *was* that kind of presentation. Oh boy did I try to push strong fight responses towards my abusive father with token resistences and petty remarks even though most of the time I crumpled under the slightest pressure and spent my time ignoring the problem or dissociating or trying very hard to avoid future conflicts. You put up a token front of fight even if that's never going to be your primary response for the sake of your own mental health, really. To assure the world- and *you*- knows that you don't *want* this situation. So you can say you tried. Out of some misguided hope that your attempted bravado won't be seen through and that maybe this time they'll just stop pushing instead of calling the bluff. Which. Makes sense with Grian as well. I mean looking at the times he really truly goes off before reverting back to a more appeasing stance, most notably his rants from when Taurtis first got his memory back as well as from when he got out of the basement during the Starwars Cosplay Incident. Most of those rants were taken up by Grian loudly and passionately reiterating what he'd been through, insisting he was the victim, and calling Sam an awful person before the defiance fades out and he becomes more willing to just go about their day. It's one attempted push hoping the other parties present will vie in his favour and a reassertion that he's not okay with this and that *he* is being hurt which gives way within minutes to a much duller attitude. That's just a painfully familiar format. Adding on Grian's token objections/passive aggressive remarks to many situations that distress him and how quickly those objections give way as dismissed by others. That kind of behaviour feels strongly like an attempt to preserve your own mental wellbeing as much as possible with the knowledge that you tried to some extent and with just generally hearing out loud that you are the victim even if from yourself. Grian's behaviour just really feels like a facade of defiance to cover up general helplessness which makes a Lot of sense for the scenario. Probably more than just plain defiance would.