#and I wanted to phrase them in a way that clearly laid out the problem

[billpottsismygf]

73 Yards

I have slightly mixed feelings on this one, but what it did well it did brilliantly. The episode was beautifully shot with a fantastically creepy atmosphere throughout. The Welsh landscape, the close shots, the out of focus semper distans, the mystery of what was being said. Millie Gibson's performance throughout was stellar and this is the most invested I've felt in her character so far. I did miss Ncuti's presence somewhat, but it says a lot that she was able to carry the episode on her own and I do love when the format gets shaken up occasionally and we get a Doctor-lite episode.

I loved Kate's brief appearance and the way it sold the fact that this was a very serious situation. You think UNIT might be able to help here, but Ruby is once again left alone. The themes of abandonment in this one were incredibly potent and really tie into the themes of the series. Unsurprisingly, one of the most effective and upsetting parts of the episode was Ruby's mum also being affected by the mysterious woman. Her anguished screams for her mum were really quite harrowing, as was that awful comment about her birth mother not wanting her.

It also got far darker than I would expect in a Doctor Who episode. The far-right politician and the threat of nuclear war was plenty, but what was done to Marti was absolutely chilling, as was Ruby's apology for not doing anything. It gets away with it because it's all through implication, but that almost makes it more hard hitting. You don't always need to see the monster in action to know what it's doing. It also reminds me of my much younger self not picking up on the Master beating Lucy Saxon until I was a teenager.

The way time began to speed along was actually quite shocking to begin with - I actually gasped when we saw the 25th birthday cards - and it kept bringing to mind various other episodes where companions have been abandoned either in the real world or another timeline/reality, especially things like The Girl Who Waited, Turn Left, Forest of the Dead, The Lie of the Land, World Enough and Time etc. That things get undone at the end was again a little reminiscent of a few of them, but this is also where we come to my criticisms of the episode, because - while I loved the experience of watching it - the ending feels tacked on in a way that is very unsatisfying.

There were a number of things that just never get explained. For a minor example, why did the Doctor disappear? Disturbing the fairy circle released Mad Jack (I'll come onto him) and also made the Doctor disappear? And also made the TARDIS lock in a way that couldn't be opened with Ruby's key? I'm not as bothered by this as the below, but it feels messy and like an attempt to do a Turn Left without an actual reason for the Doctor to be gone.

A bigger gripe is Ruby being the following lady. That on its own would have been fine, but that combined with other elements just frustrates me. Mainly, if the following lady was Ruby, what is it she says to get people to run away? I don't mind things being left to the imagination - for instance, I quite like that we don't get an explanation for why she has to be 73 yards away; I can infer that that's got something to do with the fairy circle - but it appears that whatever she says specifically makes people think there's something horrifying about Ruby.

What could Old Ruby possibly say to that end and why would she? And why would the same thing make a Prime Minister resign? If we had never found out who she was, I would have been perfectly happy to infer that she was a force of some kind that drives people mad, but it's Ruby! Knowing who she is but not what she does or how or why she does it is the worst way round. I want to know neither or both, or possibly the latter but not the former, but this way round just frustrates me.

On that note, the friend I was watching with pointed out that, as she was dying, elderly Ruby had very short hair and suddenly has long hair when she becomes the semper distans lady. A small detail, perhaps, but one that further muddles the conclusion. Why did her hair change? Where did the coat come from? It's a different actress as well and, even at that distance, you can kind of tell. Did Old Ruby just end up embodying an existing spirit to do with the fairy circle? If so, I would have liked that to be a lot clearer. If not, why does she look so different?

Okay, so, Mad Jack. Who or what is Mad Jack? Is he a spirit of some kind that possesses Roger ap Gwilliam? Was he always Roger ap Gwilliam? Does Roger ap Gwilliam exist without him? If Roger ap Gwilliam does not exist without Mad Jack, how come the Doctor still mentions him? If Roger ap Gwilliam does exist without Mad Jack, what is changed by the Doctor stepping on the fairy circle?

In the version of the timeline we end up on (where the Doctor doesn't step in the fairy circle but Roger ap Gwilliam is still mentioned by him as a dangerous Prime Minister), here are a few possibilities and why they don't work for me:

Does he still become Prime Minister and get taken down another way? Perhaps, but it's not like Turn Left where we know the problems would have been stopped by the Doctor (who's not here). Without Ruby's infiltration and semper distans lady, what stops him? And why was that not able to stop him in the timeline we witnessed?

Is he less dangerous? The second time around of the opening conversation we don't get the line about the brink of nuclear war, though only because Ruby interrupts him to point out the woman, but maybe we can infer that this time he's a dangerous Prime Minister but not that dangerous? That seems quite weak and unclear, though, and seems to disregard the horror of the Marti stuff.

Does the timeline only change after the Doctor's comments about him being a dangerous Prime Minister? He does say that before stepping (or not stepping) in the fairy circle both times. I might be happy to assume that Roger ap Gwilliam never comes to power after that diverging moment has passed, except that things have already changed before the Doctor mentions him because Ruby says she's been to Wales three times. Maybe they've changed a bit but not enough until the moment she stops him from stepping on it, but that is not at all clear.

If it's any of these (or none of them), that's really confusing! It's just so messy and unclear. It would have been a simple fix, too! Keep everything the same and just add in a line as they're walking away at the end along the lines of "thank goodness he never got into power; people never found him that convincing". That would have clarified a) things have changed since a few seconds ago b) that Mad Jack is what allowed him to get to power and c) in this timeline, that won't happen and Ruby won't need to stop him.

Despite all my complaints, I did really love watching this episode. It's just so carelessly wrapped up, as if they didn't think about the implications of the otherwise very well told story. I'll be interested to rewatch it and see if my complaints bother me more or less on second viewing. I really want to love this episode because there were so many fantastic elements, but it just makes all the inconsistencies and loose threads and muddled logic particularly frustrating because they were only another draft or two away from being solved.

Misc small things

No theme tune! I feel robbed! Maybe it was meant to be part of the vibe that we're not in the usual timeline, but come on. It could easily have been slotted in when she left the TARDIS the first time or before she got to the pub!

Other episodes I thought of: Extremis with warning other versions of yourself; The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood with waving at future versions of yourself that disappear when things change; Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS with weird timelines and future selves and things being undone; Last Christmas with the companion becoming elderly; Turn Left for the vibes of "there's something on your back"; Under the Lake/Before the Flood with a silent message, since it looked like the woman was trying to sign things to Ruby; and The Sound of Drums/Last of the Timelords with the triple whammy of the companion having to 1) set off on their own to 2) take down a prime minister and 3) have time reverse.

It's also got a good old bootsrap paradox in it, which doesn't bother me in the way of the above complaints, but for the sake of completionism: How was Ruby warned about the future when that future hasn't happened? Would have loved Twelve to briefly pop his head in and explain it for us.

It's interesting that the snow stopped throughout this version of her life. It also seemed to snow while she was on her way to the pub.

Kate's comment about how "this timeline might be suspended along your event" was interesting and I wonder if it connects with the snow stopping.

For the first time I actually recognised Susan Twist when she appeared, but I'm not sure I would have done without Ruby realising she recognised her. I liked that! It felt very Boom Town and recognising Bad Wolf coming up again.

There was a little cameo from Mrs Flood.

[citrusella-flugpucker]

Do Better.

To @habitica staff (and in the interest of notifying Tumblr users who may not have realized anything was happening at all who may want to integrate this knowledge into their understanding of Habitica’s landscape going forward--open letter and all that jazz):

On Tuesday, January 31, you said that conversations in the Tavern had been disruptive and alienating to fellow Habiticans. You directed this at socialites.

So let’s talk about that.

On Monday, January 30, a troll targeted me and others in the Tavern for over two hours before you finally completely put your foot down regarding it.

Except you didn’t. You saw that I had tried to give their story the benefit of the doubt and tried to politely note some problematic phrasings of theirs and you decided sending the convo to PM was okay. Because, IDK, you didn’t see the flags from earlier where they were trying to gaslight me or whatever.

The user tried to strong-arm me into letting them share my words in a TikTok they claimed was about their autistic sibling’s “coping journey” (something I was not keen to be part of considering what I know about the kind of person who is likely to post autism-related things phrased that way). I know you know this because I reported the messages to you and you responded to those flags with clear understanding and took action (I presume a mute but I don’t actually know).

...And then the user took it offsite. They made a post about me on Twitter and by the end of the day I had several flames to fics on my AO3 account. (I “know” this was a tweet despite not having concrete proof because I am choosing to believe the least hostile (even nice at the end of the day) person who commented to my fics and who I was able to reply to and get a reply back from is telling the truth.) I was afraid to check my email for three days straight.

All for something I firmly believe the mods would have put a stop to and evaluated the full situation of far before it could have become that kind of problem. But there are no more mods. Only you.

Do better.

You said that comments posted in an effort to incite a hostile or contentious environment in public spaces in Habitica are unacceptable. You implied that PMs about it are also unacceptable. You directed this at socialites.

So let’s talk about that.

Since December 5, 2022, your treatment of sharing the reasons the mods were gone and why, after their strike and subsequent removal, has made everyone feel like anything they do or say or feel about the decision can’t be discussed without fear of account consequences. That is a hostile environment in public spaces.

In late evening January 31, you--at least temporarily--unhid a post that clearly did not comply with ultimatums you had just laid out in the very same chat, despite receiving reports that it was directly hurtful to other users and violating the ultimatums. There is no clear reason this was done unless it was because it was declared to be okay because its ire was directed only at contributors and not at staff. That is a comment that incites a hostile or contentious environment in public spaces in Habitica.

Between January 31 and February 2, you have muted and even full-on banned people without clear explanation of the things you believe they did wrong, and sometimes with a flimsy, nonsensical, or even nonexistent explanation when you were pressed for one. People are afraid to do anything now lest a staff that is employing increasingly totalitarian consequences to actions that shouldn’t call for consequences that severe prevent them from accessing the site at all. That is a contentious environment.

On January 31, you posted a message to Aspiring Socialites declaring these ultimatums but also suggesting we “do better”. This message, crucially, was describing something that not all socialites did something to cause (I know this because I asked point-blank and you (eventually) answered), but yet its words apparently apply to all socialites. But if that’s true, we can’t all need to “do better” unless you thought we were all “doing worse”--and this was a public message directed to all socialites and not individuals who exhibited behavior you thought to be bad, something I witnessed little to none of, anyway. That is a comment that incites a hostile or contentious environment in public spaces in Habitica.

Do better.

You are making people scared. You are letting people get hurt. Your moderation practices since the mods’ removal have resulted in noticeable changes to chat that have alienated many long-time Habiticans. You don’t seem to even want a community so much as an army of underlings who will never say anything that might challenge you to think about what you’re doing or to reflect on your actions.

As staff, people look to you as examples of what Habitica should be. Do better.

[kirishimas-manly-eyeliner]

➴ are we supposed to share a bed?

pairings: sawamura daichi, ryūnosuke tanaka, koshi sugawara, tsukishima kei, tadashi yamaguchi, shoyo hinata, tobio kageyama, yu nishinoya, asahi azumane x gn! reader (karasuno boys)

warnings: none! pure fluff hehe <3

KARASUNO BOYS WITH THE FANFIC TROPE: THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED (...and a couch.)

KEI TSUKISHIMA

good luck on trying to get him to go to sleep comfortably on the bed.

“i’ll sleep on the couch,” he deadpans, and flops over onto the cushion that is clearly too small for him. tsukishima stays there, caught up in his thoughts for a while. tossing and turning on the bed, his head nearly falling off the arm rests and his ankles sticking out in an uncomfortable position. 

after a long day of practice, you nearly fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. the only thing preventing you from getting a good night’s rest is the sounds of the couch’s old springs shrieking and creaking. “tsukishima, you should just lie down here instead... it’s a lot more comfortable anyway.”

you can hear him scoff with his head buried under a throw pillow. “no.”

there was really no way of getting through to him, was there?

but the problem was, right before you were about to fall asleep, right as your eyelids got heavy and you were finally about to go into a blissful sleep for the first time in months, tsukishima would keep moving around

you didn’t mean to be this cranky. you were exhausted. “tsuki, c’mon. you sound uncomfortable. sleep here.”

tsukishima immediately stopped moving. for a moment, you thought he might come and join you. he doesn’t.

but eventually, when he’s so uncomfortable to the point where he can’t stop tossing and turning and you’re sound asleep, he’ll crawl into bed with you WAYYY later. no way is he going to snuggle in bed with you while you’re still awake.

instead, with his body heavy from lack of sleep, he lies down next to you, praying that you don’t wake up, and falls asleep like a light.

you wake up with his arms wrapped around you.

TADASHI YAMAGUCHI

precious!! little!! baby!!

tadashi will say he prefers the couch-- not because he doesn’t like you, he’s just afraid of the actual part of sleeping next to you. he’s watched enough movies to know what happens when the two characters fall asleep on the same bed. they wake up, hand-in-hand, completely flustered-- and tadashi is convinced that he’d combust if that ever happened. he just wants to make sure that you’re comfortable.

“are you sure?” you ask. “you worked really hard today... and your serves were amazing! take the bed. i’ll sleep on the couch.”

tadashi shakes his head. “i-it’s okay. really.”

“mm...” you think for a moment, but then smile. “you can always sit up here with me, if you want.”

tadashi immediately wraps his arms around himself. “n-no! it’s okay! really! i wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable...”

you smile playfully. “don’t worry about it. i don’t mind, i know you wouldn’t do anything weird. come on. i’m tired, you’re tired, let’s just go to bed, yeah?”

after a few more moments of talking and trying to let yamaguchi know that you genuinely don’t mind, you convince yamaguchi to sleep with you on the bed instead of him going on the ripped couch. 

he’ll be lightly hugging himself, afraid that if he outstretched his arms, they would wrap around you in his sleep. that was the last thing he wanted-- for you to feel uncomfortable around him.

(jokes on him, you two both wake up cuddling regardless)

SHOYO HINATA

without a moment’s pass, once you two settle into your rooms for the night, he throws his bags down, and DRAGS YOU DOWN WITH HIM ON THE BED

unlike the others, there’s no discussion on who goes on the couch and who goes on the bed. after games, hinata is always a little overly confident and ends up oulling you down on the bed next to him. he doesn’t even shower. he’s exhausted.

you laugh (his energy is contagious), “hinata-?? uherm don’t you wanna shower first?”

he laughs out loud, stretching his arms out. “but i’m exhausteeedddd!”

he fluffs the pillows in an insanely cute way and goes, “okay. i can sleep on the left side, you can sleep on the right so that we don’t crash into each other during the night. is that okay?”

you nod. hinata smiles before changing (and then he goes to rinse off) and plops onto bed, snuggling under the covers. he’ll casually get out his phone and scroll through the feed, maybe play a couple of games, and casually talk about his day with you, until he realizes that you didn’t respond.

he peered over, finding that you were sleeping.

he smiles softly, before the idea that he had actually JUST nonchalantly slept with you next to him, your face only a few inches away from his, and the realization finally settles in as his face burns against his pillow.

TOBIO KAGEYAMA

"I mean... If you want."

kageyama says that phrase at least ten times throughout the process of trying to figure out the idea of “only one bed.”

he’s trying his best not to be too aggressive or pushy around you, but it’s clear that he’s cranky and wants some sleep after a long day. his face is in a pout from exhaustion, his bags are sprawled across the floor and the last thing he looks like he wants to do is get a restless sleep on the couch.

“so uh,... do you want the couch or the bed-?” you ask. kageyama shrugs. but looking at how tired he is, his sunken eyes, and the way his knees were nearly unbuckling, you say gently, “i’m gonna take the couch.”

“okay.”

you take the couch and kageyama lies down on the bed, but exhausted as he is, a part of him is thinking with a twinge of guilt, “the couch must be really uncomfortable.. are they okay?”

so instead, kageyama peers over and finds you wrapping your arms around yourself from the couch, and he sighs, long and tired, and kind of just- STANDS over you on the couch like 🧍🏻 ...

“hey.”

you look up, confused and half-asleep. “...mmph?”

“sleep with me.”

the words tumble out before kageyama can stop them, but you’re just so heavy with sleep that you nod as if nothing had happened and flop onto the bed, your entire body sinking into the soft mattress. you wake up with a blanket wrapped around you, and kageyama on the floor from faling off.

RYUNOSUKE TANAKA

surprisingly, he has so much more respect and privacy for you than you may suspect. when tanaka enters the room, he’s lowkey kind of tense, but he sets his bags down and helps you, “uhem... do you need anything? tooth brush? tooth paste? extra blankets-?” he sees you as the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. the way he stares at you is something that no one else can compare to. 

you laugh. “nah, i’m good. but thanks!” you look around, pointing towards the couch and raising an eyebrow at how uncomfortable it looks. “you and i both had a rough day... how about we just sleep on the bed then? i-if you’re comfortable with it, that is.”

CONGRATULATIONS YOU BROKE TANAKA

this awkward blob who’s just insanely flustered because holy crow, his best friend AND crush is suggesting they both share the bed. he then flashes out a grin and a thumbs up, “alright! sounds good!”

you grin back as you two both get ready for bed and lie down.

and to confirm, he has absolutely no shame once he gets more comfortable and calm for cuddling you (with your consent BECAUSE CONSENT IS SO SEXY)

tanaka will talk about his entire day with you in such a free way. everything is so easy with him-- he constantly thinks that you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on and tries not to say it out loud every five seconds. tanaka will hold your hand and try to make you laugh multiple times just for the sake of it <3

YU NISHINOYA

"i-i can sleep on the couch! really!"

...he’s lying.

you know when you offer someone food, you know, just for the sake of being nice-- and this small part of you hopes that they don’t take the food?

that’s what nishinoya is casually saying, explaining that he can “sleep on the couch.” in reality, he just wants to cuddle next to you, hand-in-hand as you two casually talk about your day. he wants to play with your hair and kiss you and make you laugh. he wants to see you smile and cuddle you, wake up in the morning hand-in-hand as someone you can trust.

“uHmMM... okay, you can take the couch then,” you say, completely oblivious.

a small part of nishinoya dies inside with those words. “erm, okay. goodnight!!” he’s trying to sound cheerful for your sake, but he can’t help but feel disappointed.

that’s what he wanted, right? you stumble over to the bed, your legs tired and knees buckling after a long day as you pull your covers over yourself. “mm, goodnight, noya!” 

but later, you see that nishinoya is standing above the couch a lot like kageyama did-- contemplating whether or not he should speak out about wanting to go on the bed next to you or going on the couch. once he hears that you’ve stopped shuffling under your bed covers, he thinks you’re asleep and stares at you-- only to find your eyes staring into his.

he blurts the words out. “can i- i mean, only if it’s okay with you, can i sleep on the bed with you?!”

you hesitate, but then raise an eyebrow and your upper lip curls with a playful grin. “oh?”

nishinoya laughs and gives a small shrug.

“c’mere.”

KOSHI SUGAWARA

he's such a sweetheart.

sugawara knows that you work really hard to help the boys stay healthy. he knows the work you put into cleaning up and trying to decide what’s best for them and yourself. “you can pick! i don’t really mind. go ahead, do whatever you’d like.”

(a part of him is secretly begging that you choose to go with him instead on the bed. will he say that out loud? probably not, but he loves you so much and wants you to know that with every fiber in his body.)

“you can pick,” you say, for a change. there’s a moment where sugawara is surprised, but then relaxes and nods along with it. “i can, erm, sleep on the couch. if that’s easier for you,” he blushes and scratches the back of his neck. your stomach sinks. did he really want to sleep on the couch-

“but if you’re okay with it, we can both share the bed-”

“okay!” the words spill out of you before you can stop them. you clear your throat, trying to contain your excitment. “i mean. okay.”

sugawara laughs and takes your hand, and he props up the pillows (strikes me as the guy to have a playlist i am just saying) and asks you about your day. 

he will definitely end up cuddling you in his sleep. in the morning, you wake up on his chest with his arms around you, and when you look on the other side of the bed-- you’re no longer alone. a soft smile with friendly eyes is staring back at you.

“did you sleep well, princess?”

DAICHI SAWAMURA

GENTLEMAN GENTLEMAN GENTLEMAN

he knows that you're private about a lot of stuff, but he'll definitely be a lot like suga and make sure whatever happens is best for you. daichi will make sure that above all else, you feeling comfortable is top priotity. he’ll try to be a good guy for you and let you make yourself at home-- heck, he probably brought lights or something in case you were afraid of the dark because hE’S JUST THAT CONSIDERATE

daichi, out of all of them, will immediately address that he’ll take the couch first. “i’ll take the couch. it’s been a long day.”

at this point, daichi’s brain is on autopilot after so long and he just immediately assumes that you’ll take the bed. he wants you to feel as rested as possible for the next day, so daichi is just about ready to flop around the couch, when you say:

“daichi... you should take the bed-! i can go on the couch. or we could share.”

HE DOUBLE TAKES

HE DOUBLE TAKES AND ASKS YOU AGAIN

a laugh bubbles up insdie your chest (he blushes and prays you can’t see it in the dark of the night) and you drag his arm to the bed, fighting back the urge to kiss him on the nose. “sleep. you deserve it, team captain.”

he leans back, grinning. “alrighty then. get plenty of sleep. i’ll be sure to see you tomorrow morning, angel.”

ASAHI AZUMANE

HE'S SCARED

HE THINKS HES TOO INTIMIDATING OR TOO BIG AND THAT YOU'LL BE UNCOMFORTABLE

asahi is practically soluting as if speaking to a general. “i’ll take the couch!”

he’s well aware that it’s too small for him. but if it means that you don’t have to deal with the idea of sleeping in the corner of the room with cobwebs, that was good enough for him.

you nod slowly, smiling gratefully. the couch couldn’t be that bad... right?

as you cuddle into your sheets, there’s a moment wher eyou open your eyes and finally look at the back of the room, to find asahi in a strange position-- his head is falling off the armrest and his feet are dangling from the front.

he’s shuffling, changing positions, but it’s clear that he’s nervous and isn’t too sure what you think of him like this.

“come here, big guy.”

you outstretch your arms and pat the side of your bed, and he doesn’t look to sure. it’s almost beauty and the beast all over again-- just the roles are slightly edited.

“oh-hkay!” asahi smiles slightly, the tips of his ears turning pink. “are you sure?”

you nod. “sure i’m sure. now come here, ‘m sleepy.”

asahi laughs softly and lies down, trying to avoid going too much in the center in fear of taking up too much space. “hey, it’s fine.”

you wake up with his arm as a pillow and your head resting on his shoulder.

🕭 reblog | comment | like 🕭

did you take care of yourself today? you deserve to, no matter what you got done today. remember to drink water to nourish your sexc body and to give you strength!! i love you so much and i’m proud of you, and know that the hq boys would be, too! remember to get plenty of rest and do what makes you happy above all else. if you needed to hear it today, you’re valid. and you are not alone.

join my family!

tag list!!: @kirishima-my-beloved​ @xuxisushi-1​ @morias-ace @mrsbokutok​ @farfetchedparanoia​ @eunoianthia​ @missmorosis​ @tsumushima​ @moonhere​ @zatannas-wand​ @cookiewhoree​ @kozumegamecollection​​ 

☂ small little playlist for imagining scenarios in your head to help you sleep <3 ☂ 

© kirishimas-manly-eyeliner 2021. do not copy, plagerize, steal, or reuse any of my headers, themes, tags, formats or templates. please refrain from reposting onto other sites.

[sunmoonandeddie]

feelings are fatal (20/24)

pairing: bucky barnes x reader, past steve rogers x reader

word count: 4,030

summary: After the events of Endgame, you struggle to come to terms with what you’ve lost, though you’re learning that you still have something to gain.

chapter warnings: swearing, violence, fluffiness

masterlist

a/n: I really hope

There was something to be said about how much Bucky Barnes cared for the people in his life that he considered his friends, his family.

Hell, he’d jumped out of many, many aircrafts for Sam, even though he wouldn’t admit it was for him.

He sent his therapist flowers and a gift for her birthday, despite the fact that more than half the time, they just annoyed the shit out of each other.

The amount of times he’d pulled you out of a funk was… Well, there was a lot.

However, there was also something to be said about how overboard Bucky Barnes could go when someone he loved had gotten hurt.

Or kidnapped by a Nazi terrorist organization and almost shot in front of him.

“Alright, you’re all tucked in,” he muttered under his breath, even as he went around the bed once again, his hands carefully tucking in your comforter all over again. “There we go… Are you comfortable? Too warm? Not warm enough?”

He’d been hovering the past four days since you’d gotten out of the medbay, and the five days before that when you’d been in and out of unconsciousness.

God, the feelings that had washed over you when you’d woken up again and found that he was back and your Soldat was gone. It was so bittersweet. You loved both of them, even if it was in different ways. Different shades, different tones of love.

You just kept telling yourself that the Soldat was right.

It was time for him to rest. Your time together was over.

But that in itself meant that it was time for something new to begin.

If only you could find a way to tell Bucky how you truly felt.

You watched him with your eyelids half closed, a drowsiness slurring your words as you laid there. “Jamie… Can you stop for a moment?” You don’t even think about how your words might make him feel, how they might sound.

“Oh… Right. Sorry if I’m annoying you,” he said, his voice dropping to where it was almost inaudible. He started to head for the door, having set down the water bottle in his hands.

“What?! No!” You said, quickly sitting up. You still felt like absolute shit, but you couldn’t let him leave. “I’m sorry. That’s not the words I wanted to come out. I… I just want you to relax for a moment. I’m okay.” Pulling your arm out of the warmth of your blankets, you patted the spot next to you. “Can we just… lay down and watch a movie for a bit?”

Bucky’s baby blues softened immediately, and he nodded, toeing off his sneakers. “Of course. I’m sorry… I’ve been…”

“Helicopter parenting?”

His cheeks flamed fire engine red as he slipped into the bed beside you, hesitating before pulling the blankets over him. “I don’t know if I like the parenting aspect of that,” he muttered, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you close. “FRI, can you turn on a movie?”

“Legally Blonde,” you added without a second thought, grinning at the confused look that painted his face. “Have you never seen Legally Blonde?”

“What? No? What the fuck is a Legally Blonde?” He asked. And, okay, yeah, he could gather from the context that it was a movie, most likely a girly one based on the title, but he loved the way you looked so aghast and the way you laughed at his old man tendencies.

“Only the greatest early 2000s chick flick of all time!” You squealed, playfully smacking his chest.

A wave of contentment, of happiness, washed over you as you laid half on his chest to watch the movie. His fingers were absentmindedly running up and down your spine, his breath tickling your forehead.

And it hit you that you could have this for the rest of your life. You could have this happiness, this peace, for the rest of your life with the man that was holding you.

Once again, you just needed to figure out how to tell him how you felt.

“Wait… So he broke up with her because she wasn’t… serious enough?” Bucky asked, his brows furrowed. “Or because she was too pretty and girly?”

“Both,” you said, glancing up at his face. “He sucks.”

“Yeah, he fucking does.”

When the movie ended, you sat up, risking a glance at Bucky’s face. “Well? What did you think?”

He couldn’t help but shake his head, groaning dramatically. “If Sam finds out that I’m a fan of early 2000s chick flicks, he’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

Oh, this was good. So, so good.

“Jamie, I’ve watched Legally Blonde and other chick flicks with Sam. He loves them,” you revealed, watching the way his eyes lit up.

“There’s more?!”

You took it upon yourself to show him the best of the late 90s and early 2000s, finding that when he was distracted with tales of cheesy romance and girl power triumphing, he wasn’t so worried about your health.

But he did have a few problems with Clueless. “Let me get this straight,” he said with a scowl as he held you close in between his legs. “She’s… still in high school. Sixteen, right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“And he was her step-brother?”

“Yes.”

“And… he is still treated like her step-brother by her father?”

“Yeah.”

He blinked owlishly at the television that hung up on your wall, his mouth hanging open in an astonished ‘o.’ “And people just…”

“Decide to ignore that bit? Yup,” you supplied, turning your head to look up at him.

He frowned, tightening his hold around you. “I really don’t know how to feel about that. It’s a good movie. But…” His head then slightly cocked to the side. “Her step-brother looks like that one guy that helped us at the fight in Germany… You know, the one at the airport?”

“You don’t even remember Scott’s name?!” You asked, snorting. “You really are an old man.”

His fingers flew to your sides, tickling you mercilessly. “Yeah?! And what about it?! Huh? Huh?” When he finally stopped and your laughter had died out, he hid his face in the crook of your neck and took in a deep breath. “I missed you… when you were gone… Sometimes I forget just how integral you are to my life, but that… Being without you reminded me of how desolate my days were when we were separated before.”

Heart clenching, you squeezed his flesh arm with both of yours, resolving yourself to not move the rest of the day. You’d quickly come to the conclusion that cuddling with James Barnes could be considered one of the great pleasures in life. “Well, we’ll never have to be apart again,” you murmured, closing your eyes. “What if… What if we took some time away? And we went on a little… vacation or something?”

“A vacation?” He said, and you could feel his heart rate speed up underneath your head. A vibranium hand smoothed over your hair. “Where do you wanna go?”

“I don’t know…,” you admitted with a snort, shaking your head. “Just… away. Give us time to relax and really… I don’t know. Process?” Your eyes fluttered shut at his soothing touch. “Maybe we could go up to the cabin for a few days… maybe a week…”

“Yeah? You wanna stay a whole week with just me for company?” He asked playfully, even though he felt like his spirit was soaring.

Biting your lip, you pulled your knees up to your chest until your entire body was pressed against his chest. “Could spend my whole life with just you for company, Jamie.”

He’d understand, right? He’d understand that you meant ‘I love you.’ He’d understand the words that you were trying to say but were too nervous to get out, that your throat closed up and your eyes burned because the last person you said those words to in that way had demolished your heart, your soul?

But then again, he’d been the one to teach you what those words meant in the first place. Well, the Soldat had.

Bucky’s entire face was pink, all the way to the tips of his ears, and he leaned down and kissed your forehead. “Me, too, malen’kaya.”

You reached up to run your fingers through his hair. It had grown out since his last haircut, and it was getting to be about ear length. “You know who you look like right now kinda?” You asked, an impish smile on your lips.

“Who?” He was clearly already anticipating the worst, even though he was letting his head tip forward to let you continue playing with his hair.

“Prince Kit or whatever his name is.” You were preening as your foreheads pressed together, his breathing even as you massaged his scalp. “From the new live action Cinderella.”

You can hear the smile, even though you can’t see his face. “You think I look like a prince?”

“Don’t get cocky on me now,” you shot back. But, in truth… You liked this side of Bucky. You had caught little glimpses of it when you were on the run with Steve, Sam, and Natasha. But this felt like the real him, and you loved it.

And as far as you were concerned, he could be as cocky as he wanted to be.

“Let me check with your doctors and get their opinion on when they think you’ll be okay to travel,” he said, his lips pressing to your hair. “And then I’ll talk to Pepper about letting us steal the cabin for a bit…”

A huff escapes your lips as you tug on his hair in retaliation. “Do you really think Pepper isn’t gonna let us stay there for a bit?”

You missed the way his breathing had hitched and his heart had skipped a beat, and he nuzzled into your hair to hide himself even more. “No, but it’s still nice to ask, you heathen.”

“Soldat, where are we going?” You asked curiously as you were led out of your ballet class, your hair still pulled back into a tight bun. “What’s going on?”

“No time to talk. We have a mission,” he said sternly, his voice deep and gravelly.

A mission?

You’d never been on a mission.

“Wait, are we leaving the Red Room?” You asked, glancing at the handlers that flanked the both of you. “Where are we going?”

“Do you understand the phrase ‘no time to talk?’” The Soldat asked with a snort, shooting you a glare.

Something was off.

The Soldat and you had been training together for over two years now, almost three, and you’d never gone on a mission.

Also, he never spoke so harshly unless there was something wrong or there were others present, and the handlers around you weren’t important enough for him to put up the mean teacher facade. No, there was something else going on.

Two hulking doors were waiting at the end of the hallway, leading to the outside world. Snow was swirling outside, frost painting the windows.

And you were still in just your leotard and tights. Fuck.

Of course, they weren’t gonna give you time to change.

You hadn’t even been outside of the Red Room since you were a toddler. Hell, you didn’t even own any cold weather clothes.

The doors opened, and you let out a sharp gasp as the icy cold wind hit you. In your peripheral, you could see the Soldat look at you and immediately move to take off his jacket, before remembering who was around and stopping himself.

It was a nice thought, knowing that if he could, he’d warm you.

Maybe you could daydream about him scooping you up, holding you in his lap… He’d run his fingers over your hair, his other hand smoothing up and down your back. That deep, gravelly voice you loved so much would murmur sweet things to you, his lips tickling your ear…

God, your little crush was getting out of hand.

Snow covered your hair as you were led out to a van that was waiting for you, smoke coming out of the exhaust pipe as the headlights shone through the dense white landscape. One of the handlers shoved your head down as you were pushed into the back seat, the Soldat following right after. A thich, kevlar covered thigh pressed against yours as you settled in. Pretending to not be cold was becoming a lot harder than you thought it would be.

“So… What exactly are we doing?” You asked tentatively after about ten minutes of terse silence.

“You’re our bait,” one of the men said simply, cocking his gun.

Ice cold water ran down your spine as you blinked at him. “Bait? What… What do you mean?” You could feel the Soldat’s thigh tense beside you, and you realized that he had known.

That’s why he’d been so cold, even beyond the fact that there were others present.

“It means you’re going to be bait,” another man said with an eye roll.

“Well, I mean… When you say bait, do you mean like bait that can be reused so you keep it alive or bait like a worm that ends up dead on a hook?” You said, your arms crossed over your chest. Being sarcastic probably wasn’t the best thing you could do at the moment, but whatever. If you were gonna die, you might as well die with a few good one-liners.

Beside you, the Soldat’s chest jolted, his lips pressed together as though he was trying to stifle a laugh.

See, you knew he’d get your humor immediately.

“Guess we’ll just have to see how well you behave,” the first man snapped, his voice threatening.

When you finally arrived at your location, it was several hours later, and you’d passed out, your head lolling back against the seat. You jolted awake when the van stopped, realizing that the sun had set. “Where are we?”

No answer.

“Great talk.” One of the handlers yanks you out of the van, pulling you over the Soldat’s lap and almost dislocating your shoulder in the process. “Fuck! You didn’t have to manhandle me, you asshole!” You’re not shocked when his hand meets your cheek, though you do have to take a moment to take a breath. “Can you just tell me what I have to do so I can do it and we can leave?”

The mission is simple enough, at least on your end. Apparently, there were a few vigilantes running around that Hydra needed gone.

And what vigilante doesn’t love a young damsel in distress?

It’s over before you realize, and you’re hit with a deep realization.

You had wanted the vigilantes to win, just for a second or two. You had wanted them to win and maybe you’d get to go somewhere where you weren’t almost killed everyday, where you were handcuffed to your bed each night, and where most meals consisted of protein shakes.

But only if it meant the Soldat could be rescued with you.

“We’re not going back tonight?” You asked in surprise when the van pulled up to a seedy motel.

“No,” one of the men said with an eye roll. “Don’t feel like driving.”

You were left alone in the car with the Soldat as the men went to get a room, but you didn’t mind. “Are you okay?” You asked softly, eyes flickering up to meet his.

The man grunted, his lips pressed into a thin line as he kept his face forward, watching for the men to come back. But his hand slowly moved down his thigh until you felt cool metal, and his pinky linked around yours.

It stays there until the men come back, and he lets go at the right second, as the van door is starting to open.

“Come on,” one of the men grumbled, leading you two down the length of the motel. “This is where you two will be staying,” he said as he opened up a door.

Brows furrowing, you looked up at him. “What? Alone?” They trusted you like that? You were going to be staying the night with your crush in a room alone?

“Just don’t get her pregnant. She won’t go through graduation for another few months,” another one taunted, letting out a loud, obnoxious laugh. They all looked the same, and sounded the same. Like Hydra had created a bunch of clones. “And you know what to do if she tries to escape, Soldat.”

There was a rock in the pit of your stomach as you walked into the room.

The men had left you alone with the Soldat because they thought he’d have sex with you.

They thought he’d already had sex with you, despite the fact that you were just seventeen.

And your Soldat wasn’t like that. Despite the fact that you were (admittedly) in love with him, and despite the fact that you’d heard of the other Soldats having… pleasure women, you knew that he’d never touch you.

Not like that.

That was the only thing that relaxed you as you walked into the room and the door shut behind the hulking man, a dim yellow light casting shadows all around the room.

“I’m not—”

“I know,” you said as you turned to him, cutting him off. “I know you’re not going to… do that. I trust you.”

He slowly nodded, a weak smile spreading over his lips, and it occurred to you that it was possible that no one had ever told him that they trusted him.

At least there were two beds, because you didn’t think your little heart could handle sleeping so close to him. God forbid you wake up cuddling him. You’d be absolutely mortified.

“I’m gonna grab a shower,” you said, pointing to the bathroom. You didn’t wait for a response before speeding over and shutting and locking the door. Fuck. You were gonna have to sleep in your leotard since you didn’t have any other clothing with you.

The shampoo and conditioner the motel provided smelled like nothing, and the body wash and face wash were the same. Even so, you took your time lathering and scrubbing and washing, taking a shower that was longer than five minutes or so for the first time.

It had been over an hour by the time you got out, every inch of your body scrubbed and then scrubbed again. It probably wasn’t good for your hair, but you washed it twice, just because you could.

What you were most surprised by was the few suitcases that were on the bed closest to the inside wall when you got out, redressed in your leotard.

“What is this?” You asked the Soldat, who had stripped out of his leather and kevlar and was just wearing his cargo pants and a white shirt.

“You didn’t have clothes,” he said bluntly, glancing over at you as he sharpened his knife on the cheap chair.

“Where did you get these?”

“Lost and found. I just grabbed a few in case one didn’t have what you needed.”

Sometimes you forgot just how caring he could be in little ways.

“Thank you,” you said with a grateful smile as you moved to dig through them, eventually moving to the bathroom to change into a fresh pair of underwear and a huge t-shirt and shorts. “How do I look?” You asked as you came out, striking a dramatic pose.

The ghost of a smile appeared on his lips as he looked up at you. “Radiant,” he said after a moment, having thought of the perfect word. “You always are.”

Why the hell did he have to say such things when you knew you couldn’t be with him? You were too young, and the likelihood of Madame B allowing you to be together was… zero.

He motioned for you to get in the bed farthest away from the window. “You need rest, malen’kaya. I will keep watch.” After watching you crawl under the blankets and cuddle up to your pillows, he moved to sit on the bed, caressing your cheek. “Sleep… I will be here when you wake…”

“Sometimes I forget just how fucking beautiful it is out here,” Bucky said with a breathy laugh as he pulled up the long drive to the Stark Cabin. The sun was glittering out on the lake, the leaves just beginning to turn shades of ruby and gold. He threw the car into park and rushed around to your side to open the door and help you out before you could even blink.

The look you gave him didn’t do much as you placed your hand in his. It had only been a few days since he’d even let you get out of bed on your own and walk around.

As much as you loved him carrying you around like a blushing bride, it became a bit much when he was carrying you to the bathroom because you had to pee.

“It feels like so long ago… last time we were here,” you said as you watched him grab your bags.

He barely let you walk, there was no way in hell he’d let you carry your own duffel bag.

“What are you feeling for dinner?” He asked as he led you inside, setting your bags on the couch for the time being. “I was thinking maybe I could whip up some of that creamy chive chicken I made the other week? You liked that, right?” Bucky seemed to have a nervous energy running through him as he moved to the kitchen and began to figure out what they had. “I’ll need to have some groceries delivered…”

“Anything’s good with me,” you said faintly as you watched him, leaning against the doorway. “I’m really glad we decided to do this… It feels nice… getting away from everything for a little bit…” Your cheeks flushed as you glanced at the ground, arms crossing over your chest. “I mean… I love our family. You know I do. But—”

“It can get loud and crowded,” he finished, a kind smile on his face. “I get it.”

There’s a light inside your chest as you move further into the kitchen, giggling as his hands immediately go to your waist and lift you up onto the counter. “I knew you would.”

Bucky glanced up from his phone, having put in the grocery order faster than you expected. His vibranium hand rested on your thigh, and he gave a gentle squeeze. “You in the mood for a drink while we wait on dinner supplies?”

“Depends, bartender. What are you making?” You asked, letting your legs kick back and forth. You had to do something to prevent yourself from wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling him close.

Would he ravish you like in the dreams you sometimes occasionally but totally-not-often had?

“Baby doll, I can make whatever magic potion you want,” he said, winking. His lips found a place on your cheek, letting it linger before he left your side, his hand leaving behind a warm spot on your thigh that felt empty without it. The way he moved around the cabin, so confidently, was such a far cry from when you’d been spending a few days in the guest rooms after the final battle.

It was fucking hot.

You were barely paying attention as he listed off cocktails and various concoctions.

“Malen’kaya? You there?” He called out, though you didn’t really hear him as he said your name.

It wasn’t until a floorboard creaked under his weight that you focused back in on the present. “Huh? Just… whatever you think I’ll like. I trust you,” you said, rubbing your hands nervously on your thighs.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” you said as your tongue wetted your lower lip.

“Okay, if you say so,” he said as he glanced back at you with a fond smile, his blue eyes sparkling with mirth. “And… I agree.”

Your head tilted to the side. “Agree about what?”

“I’m really glad we decided to do this.”

[valdomarx]

It’s been months since the mountain, and Jaskier is trying to heal. He knows logically that what Geralt said was untrue. He knows Geralt’s woes aren’t his fault, that he was lashing out because of his own hurt and guilt over Yennefer. He understands that. He forgives that, even.

So he travels onward. He sings of Geralt’s adventures like he always does. He composes new songs.

But everything he writes is dreck: maudlin, self-pitying, and flat.

The problem is that Geralt’s words struck something deeper inside him, a festering anxiety he’s never been able to quash. Because he is a burden, really, isn’t he? Can’t fight, can’t hunt, can only earn coin where people have it to spare. He’s known it all his life, which is why he tries so terribly hard to be entertaining. Perhaps, he used to think, if he was charming enough, if he was diverting enough, people wouldn’t notice what a hindrance he was. Perhaps they’d think it was a trade worth making.

He’d convinced himself it was that way with Geralt. That he brought something worthwhile to Geralt’s life, some colour and music, even though Geralt never expressed any affection for those things. As if a few meager coins from odd performances and a few sugar-spun tales about witchers’ heroic deeds could be recompense for tolerating him.

Clearly, he was wrong. There was nothing he had that Geralt needed, and it seemed nothing that he wanted either.

Jaskier is not unfamiliar with the pain of unrequited love. It has happened more times than he can count that he has laid eyes on some beautiful stranger, some compelling vision, someone with whom he has fallen instantly in love, only for them to return his gaze with an upturned lip and an expression of distaste.

But this is wholly different from those fleeting hurts. This is years, decades, of devotion to a man who only ever tolerated his presence at best. What Jaskier feels, most of all, is stupid, and embarrassed, and lonely in a way that has settled into a dull, flat ache in the pit of his stomach.

His new attempts at work are all disasters, so eventually in desperation he digs out the old notebook he’s been carefully avoiding and finds the song he’d been working on before the dragon hunt. The lyrics are all wrong but the melody is solid, and sad, and playing it feels cathartic even when it hurts, like binding a wound to staunch the bleeding.

The fairer sex, they often call it But her love’s as unfair as a crook

It’s petty, and a little mean, but it’s satisfying to lay those words out on the page. She was always bad news. He hadn’t been wrong about that. He lets himself write more. As if he can transpose his pain onto Yennefer, to purge himself by reworking the story so it’s her fault. It’s not true, but it feels good to pretend for a moment.

Tell me love, tell me love How is that just?

It’s the phrase that’s been drumming in his head for weeks. It’s not just, it’s not fair, it’s not right that he should feel this way. He knows this is a fiction too - since when has their world had any interest in justice? - but he’s enjoying the pretense. As he writes, though, inevitably he can’t help but show himself.

I'm weak my love, and I am wanting

He stares at the line.

He scribbles it out. It’s too obvious. Too crass. Too revealing.

He writes it back in. It’s true.

He finishes the song that night. He plays it the next day, both to rip the wax from the wound and simply because he has no other material. The audience seems to like it, the young women especially. He tells them it’s about doomed love which, of course, it is.

He plays it often from then on. He'd imagined playing it might lessen the knot of shame and misery in his chest, but it doesn’t. He keeps playing it anyway.

He keeps playing until, one chilly autumn evening in a small village, he’s wrapping up the evening with the song, looking forward to a quiet ale and a soft bed for once. He barely registers the faces in the tavern, the shhh shhh of the door swinging open and closed. He barely notices anything at all until he sounds the final notes, lets them ring through the smoky air, and looks up to find an achingly familiar figure in the doorway: dark cloak, white hair, two big scary swords.

His heart twists violently as their eyes meet across the room, amber on blue, and there’s an expression on that familiar face not of anger but something akin to curiosity. To puzzlement. To wondering what the fuck was that he was singing about?

Suddenly there’s not enough air in the room and his skin is crawling and it’s too much, all too much, and something inside his chest rips and cracks. There is something fundamentally broken here, and he thinks it must be him.

[machine-gun-casie]

Co-Stars

request: Hey cutie! I love your writing and i was wondering if you could write a Pete imagine where he and the reader are in a movie together where they play a couple and he falls in love with her. Pretty please! ♡♡

wc: 2.6k

a/n: i made her the love interest for the king of staten island cuz i just watched the movie and its so good!! but dw no spoilers

You walked onto set with your iced coffee in hand and your earbuds blasting music in your ears. The set for this movie was probably the most fun and relaxing set you’ve ever been on. Except when Marisa Tomei or Steve Buscemi was there. It was only intimidating to you because of how new you were to the acting scene and how iconic they were.

But you had almost no scenes with them, all of your scenes were with Pete for the most part. Technically, you didn’t even need to come on set today. You just couldn’t stop yourself.

“Hey!” Maude called out to you when she saw you, motioning for you to come over. “Didn’t think you were needed on set today.”

“Oh, I’m not.” You replied and shrugged. “But I’ve got nothing better to do.”

“Really?” Maude raised her eyebrows at you. “You’re staying in New York City and you took the free ferry ride to Staten Island? Because you had nothing to do. In New York fucking City?!”

You furrowed your eyes and looked up in thought. “Well, when you phrase it like that…”

“y/n, it’s gonna sound weird no matter how I phrase it.” Maude chuckled.

You shoved her shoulder lightly and laughed with her as you explained. “I have no friends here, I have no one to hangout with.”

“Mhm, okay.” Maude teased you. “So we’re gonna pretend this isn’t about you-”

“Shut the fuck up Maude.” You hissed. “Shut up or I’ll tell your dad.”

“Tell her dad what?” Judd asked from behind you. You jumped slightly as you turned to face him as Maude snickered next to you. “Why’re you on set, y/n? We don’t need you today.”

“Because y/n has a crush on Pete.” Maude sang like she was teasing you on the school playground. 

“Maude!” You snapped at her. “He could hear!”

Judd laughed and shook his head. “Don’t worry, he’s filming.”

“In the firehouse?” You asked and your eyes lit up when Judd nodded. “Thanks Judd!” You yelled as you ran off to the front doors of the firehouse. 

“They really think they’re hiding it?” He asked his daughter.

“I think so.” She nodded, joining her dad in watching you run up the stairs. “If they’re not together by the time we wrap, I might strangle one of them.”

“Not if I do it first.”

You smiled and waved at the firefighters in the station today. Because the firehouse that was being used was still a functional one, the actors and the firefighters all became pretty well acquainted. You skipped over to the back room where you could hear them filming.

Bill and Pete were sitting at the table in front of the camera. You stood over by the sound guys and just watched them play out the scene. 

“What take is this?” You whispered to the closest person to you.

“Fourth.” They replied. “I think we got it, though. Fingers crossed we take fifteen after this.”

You nodded and leaned back to enjoy the show. Your favorite scenes to watch were when Pete and Bill were bickering. It was so clear that they both enjoyed it because they could improvise some jabs at each other. You noticed that Pete absolutely adored including the handlebar moustache during these scenes.

“Cut!” Someone called out. “Everyone take lunch!”

Pete looked around and made eye contact with you when the camera cut, smiling when he saw you. He turned to Bill and said a few parting words before coming up to you.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” He asked, leaning his shoulder against the wall to face you. “You don’t have any scenes today.”

“I don’t.” You nodded. “Came to see you.”

“You just can’t get enough of me, can you?” Pete smirked.

You rolled your eyes and turned slightly. “I’ll fucking leave, Pete.”

“Hey, no no no!” Pete stumbled over his words as he grabbed your arm. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Thank you for coming all the way out here for me. I am very very grateful.”

His hold on your arm slowly slid until he was holding onto your fingers, you curled your fingers into his and held his hand loosely. “You better be.” You scoffed. “Come on, let’s go grab lunch.” You gently pulled on your intertwined hands and led him out of the back room towards the front.

“Where do you wanna go?” Pete asked as his steps fell in tandem with yours. 

“You’re the local, you decide.” You looked up at him and swung your conjoined hands lightly in between you. “Surprise me.”

“Oh, so we’re doing romantic type shit now?” Pete laughed, raising his eyebrows at you. 

“Romantic type shit is my favorite, you know this.” You giggled, smiling and playing along. This little act you had going on was strange but somehow comforting. You would go on these ‘dates’ that were never called dates. And neither of you would discuss the logistics. But you both knew. And that’s what was comforting. There was no lying or hiding, just collective evading.

“I’ll take you to this place Casey and I would go to when we were kids.” He paused when he opened the door and motioned for you to go first. You walked down the stairs together and started walking along the sidewalk. “The owner knew my dad, so he used to give us free ice cream sometimes.”

“You think we can get some free ice cream today?” You asked, somewhat joking but also. Free ice cream.

“Not sure, but if he sees you we might.” Pete laughed and shook his head. “Last time I took a date there was during junior year. You should’ve seen his face, he was so fucking happy for me.”

“Junior year Pete was getting laid, huh?” You asked teasingly.

“Pfft, he fucking wishes.” He snorted. “Junior year Pete would pass out if he was here in my shoes right now.”

“I bet he would.” You hummed. “This movie is insane.”

“Not what I was talking about.” Pete said with a tight lipped smile on his face. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, looking at him for an answer. He simply looked down at your interlaced hands.

“Oh.” You smiled shyly, warmth blooming in your chest. “I thought the sappy stuff was my department?”

“I can contribute.” He shrugged as he came to a stop at a crosswalk. “It’s that one over there.” He pointed to the classic pizzeria looking joint right across from you.

“Thank god, I’m starving.” You sighed, stomach rumbling at the thought of food of any kind. 

You walked in and followed Pete as he led you to the booth in the back corner. You peaked behind you to look through the windows at the front and saw what Pete no doubt took notice of before you. A guy with a camera up to his face was on the sidewalk adjacent to the one you and Pete were walking on. Lovely.

The paps were a problem you weren’t expecting to face in Staten Island, but Pete warned you otherwise. They were a hindrance on set, but they were even worse off set. A few times you were followed when you would go to get food on your own or you were heading home for the night. Pete promised you to always accompany you whenever he could after that, not wanting you to deal with the paps alone.

Cozying up in the corner booth, you were almost sure they couldn’t see you from outside. You let out a sigh of relief and leaned back, letting your shoes bump into Pete’s. “So, what’s good here?”

“They’ve got this eggplant tower thing that barely tastes like eggplants. It’s crazy good.” Pete told you, hands going up to show you how big it would be. “Should be good for both of us.”

“Great, we’ll take that then.” You smiled and nodded, glad to not have the anxiety of looking over a menu for the first time and take forever to read through it only to end up with a cheese pizza or something basic like that. 

After flagging down a waiter in the semi busy restaurant and ordering the food, Pete dropped his arms onto the table and looked over at you. “Maude give you shit today?”

“I think she writes it down in her schedule.” You replied and laughed. “I think she means well, though.”

“She’s like my real little sister now.” Pete nodded as he spread open his palm next to your hand on the table. “Her and Casey have joined forces.”

Lifting your hand gently, you traced the lines on his palms with your fingers. “How is Casey? She excited to shoot next week?”

“Yeah, yeah. She’s a little nervous.” Pete replied as he held your hand in his, trapping your tracing fingers in between his. “She’s going back and forth on whether she wants to come or not.”

“No, she should come!” You said, whining at the thought of losing that scene in the movie. “She’s gonna be great. Did you tell her that she’s my favorite character in the movie?”

Sighing, Pete rolled his eyes and nodded. “I did and she won’t shut up about it.”

Lunch included lots of jokes and laughter, with your hand in his the whole time. Neither of you said anything about the hands, or the fact that you trapped one of his legs in between yours under the table. No lying or hiding, just collective evading. 

Both of you only managed to eat half of the truly gigantic eggplant tower, so you decided to have it packed up for later. You called over a waiter, a different one this time who seemed to be a teenager by the looks of it, who clearly recognized you or at least Pete. They quickly nodded and smiled, taking the plate of food from your table and the empty glasses. You saw them skitter off and whisper to one of their colleagues along the way, no doubt telling them that you were here.

“I think we’ve been caught.” You whispered to Pete. He looked over to where you were facing and sighed.

“I think we have.” Pete chuckled. “Watch, Andy’s gonna come out any minute now.”

Exactly as Pete predicted, a tall man with a huge grin on his face came out from the back. He marched over to your table with open arms. “Peter! It’s been so long, young man!”

Pete stood up and gave the man a hug. “Hey Andy, how are you?”

Andy pulled away and gave Pete a heavy pat on the shoulder. “I ain’t any younger pal, I can tell you that.” He said with the heaviest New York accent you’ve ever heard. He sneaked a few glances at you as he spoke, clearly curious. “Who’s your friend, Peter?”

Pete’s cheeks grew a little red as he cleared his throat. “Andy, this is y/n. She’s my co-star in this movie we’re shooting.”

“Co-star? Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?” Andy mumbled as he turned to look at you as you stood up to face him. “Is he treating you good?”

You laughed and nodded. “Of course he is, Pete’s a great guy. You should know, Pete says you’ve known each other since he was a kid.”

“I have, I have. Used to give him free ice cream. I bet he didn’t tell you that.” Andy pointed at Pete accusingly. 

“He did, actually.” You hummed. 

“Good, ‘cause you’re getting some today too.” Andy nodded before turning to face the kitchen. “Sammy! Get me two ice cream cones, mixed!”

“No, that’s alright-” You started before Andy interrupted you. 

“It’s my treat, kid.” Andy said with a kind smile. “For Pete and his co-star.”

With your ice cream cones and bag of leftover food in hand, you and Pete said your goodbyes to Andy as you left the restaurant. You kept close to Pete as you walked down the sidewalk, the same pap from earlier could be seen in the corner of your eye. But he didn’t seem to be following you, so you calmed down slightly. 

“Holy shit!” You gasped when it hit you, eyes wide. “We’re late! I didn’t even feel the time.”

Pete glanced at his watch and saw that it had been way more than fifteen minutes. You had been off set for almost forty minutes at this point. He looked at you and you both paused for a second before bursting into laughter. He shrugged with a frown. “Oh well.”

You continued your stroll in a comfortable silence as you both finished your ice cream. You spotted a little playground hidden behind a few trees as you popped the last bit of the crunchy cone in your mouth. “Look Pete, swings.” You pointed.

“You wanna go on the swings?” He asked and you nodded. “You’re not worried about Judd on set?”

“What set?” You asked with faux confusion. “I wasn’t called on set today.” Pete laughed as he let you pull him towards the swings.

Neither of you were swinging really, your younger self would have been disappointed at your lack of enthusiasm. You were both just swaying next to each other, holding the two chains in between you to keep yourself from swaying too far away. 

“Isn’t it weird how normal people don’t have to make things official?” Pete asked all of a sudden. “With relationships, I mean. If they figure that shit out with each other, that’s it. They don’t need to post something stupid on Instagram or whatever.”

“I guess, yeah.” You nodded. “But who do you consider to be not normal?”

“Us.” He said, eyes downcast at the bag of food he put on the ground between the swings.

You paused to articulate your thoughts. “We don’t have to do anything if we don’t want to. Fuck Instagram. We are normal people.”

Pete laughed at your tone, defensive but not against him. “We are.”

This time you looked down at the ground and avoided Pete’s gaze. “Is this… Is this about us? You and me?”

Pete didn’t answer. His silence on this topic has never scared you until now. Was he thinking of being serious with you? Or the opposite? Was this his messed up way of letting you down slowly? The collective evading was no longer comforting but frightening. Was he just playing around with your feelings while you thought it was a slow start to something you didn’t know you wanted?

“I think I’m in love with you.” 

With wide eyes you looked back up at Pete, seeing the anxiousness in his eyes. “What?” You asked softly.

“I-I wasn’t sure, but then I was talking to-” You cut him off with a kiss, pulling his swing closer to yours and placing a hand on his cheek. He moaned lightly into the kiss and placed his hand on your waist, turning your swing to face him properly.

You pulled away slowly and sighed. “I think I’m in love with you, too.”

That was your first kiss with Pete. The thought made you laugh. “What’s funny?” He asked.

“That was our first kiss.” You said and he nodded. “So you’re saying that you fell in love with me before we even kissed?”

“Yes?” Pete furrowed his eyebrows. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Not necessarily, no.” You shook your head. “But what if I was a bad kisser?”

Pete clicked his tongue and pulled away with a laugh. “You’re not a bad kisser.”

“But what if I was?” You retorted, giggling. “Would you still love me if I was a bad kisser?”

“First of all, yes.” Pete pointed out. “Second, you wouldn’t be a bad kisser.”

“But what if I was?” You repeated.

“We would have lots and lots of practice.”

[nincompoopydoo]

PAIRING, BAGELS, REPEAT

— PALM TO PALM IS HOLY PALMER’S KISS ; PART 3 / ?

PAIRING: Bruce Wayne x reader

WORD COUNT: 1846

SUMMARY: You’re back to teaching at Gotham High and you end up overlooking rehearsals for the GHS drama club’s upcoming annual play: Romeo and Juliet that no one ever attends. In the spirit of keeping your students’ hopes up, you decide to take it upon yourself to draft out a plan to drive more people to come to the play. The key is the man you’re in love with.

WARNINGS: Vague description of a nightmare, death and an annoying teenager.

A/N: This is really going slowly like a true slow burn. I hope yall like this one. Enjoy!

MASTERLIST ; MASTERPOST

In the light of your unemployment as a teacher, Gotham High miraculously offered your old job back after Mrs Wilson, one of the senior English Literature teachers, died of a heart attack unannounced. In all seriousness, apologies were made, admitting they had a mistake with firing you because well, you were clearly a passionate teacher. To your surprise, you were told your students even missed you. Hence, you accepted a job from GHS once again because you would do anything to avoid the smell of burgers and the sounds of hungry crying children. After the whole burglary incident, the Big Belly Burger at midtown was forever doomed as customers gradually decreased over time. It was Gotham after all, people should be used to these kinds of things by now. Including witnessing Batman saving you, the whole experience felt like a fever dream. As excited you were and weirdly unbothered by the whole near-death experience, you realized that if you were to talk about it, no one would genuinely believe you anyway. He was a myth to most citizens of Gotham, but you’re an exception because you’re well acquainted with the knowledge that Bruce definitely knows Batman.

And oh boy, do they talk.

It’s your secret to keep and so is the Batarang you stole. You’re also dying to tell Bruce.

So, you find yourself back in the hallways, crowded with sweaty teenagers, but you would choose this over anything else in a heartbeat. Apart from returning to teaching uninterested students about the works of Shakespeare and Harper Lee and forcing reading lists onto them, you are also replacing Mrs Wilson as the GHS Drama Club’s advisor. Stage performance may be personally foreign to you but plays were practically your forte. That was how you ended up spending your Tuesday afternoons, preparing the members for the club’s annual play. This time, they decided to perform the classic: Romeo and Juliet.

As an English teacher, you were frankly sick of the play, forbidden love was a tad overrated to you. Yet the kids were genuinely trying their best. Shaniqua and Oscar were currently rehearsing their lines as the two infamous star-crossed lovers; You watched them with pride. The two were quiet in your classes but they truly shone on the stage of the school theatre.

“And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss—teach, what does this whole scene even mean?” Shaniqua exclaims and you chuckle, “This scene is simply a metaphor where Romeo is a pilgrim wanting to erase his sins and Juliet is a saint. So, he is basically trying to convince her to kiss him so that he can truly be free of sin,” your explanation echoes through the room, and you notice Oscar turning red when you mention the word ‘kiss’. It was clear as day that the poor boy really liked the girl he’s currently hand in hand with but you don’t want him to feel nervous and uncomfortable about the thought of kissing her. “Now Oscar, you can kiss her on the cheek and that’s fine. Shaniqua, say it with more emotion, okay? Everyone got it?” The response you received was a sputter of hums and nods. Before you could continue, Josh, who plays Lord Capulet and is sitting lazily on the handmade throne, speaks up much to your dismay, “Why is it so important that we put so much effort into this. It’s not like anyone is going to come.” The kids around him began agreeing with his statement, and it was honestly completely expected of him but it was the truth. No one attends the drama club’s annual play. As you're trying to calm everyone down, your phone buzzes on the table in front of you. It’s a text from Bruce, asking if you could come over tonight, phrasing it like he’s a schoolboy sneaking from his parents to meet with a girl late at night. Then, like an epiphany you have an idea although there’s an eighty percent chance it wouldn’t go through. Nevertheless, you turn to the rest of the students with a hint of a smile on your lips. “I might have just the idea to solve that.”

-

A brief span seemed like an eternity when sleep doesn’t come easy to you. Tonight was a different case; thoughts were completely clear and concise. In much need of sleep, you steal the chance to savour in this clarity and serenity for as long as you could. To feel his warmth, arm gently resting on your abdomen and the occasional whiff of his deodorant from his ebony shirt you’re dressed in. If this was what bliss feels like, you never want it to go away. Your eyes grow heavy, flickering into darkness due to exhaustion from a long day of rehearsals. At once, you’re struck with the reminder of the idea you had this afternoon. It is more of a favour, involving none other than Bruce. There’s a tinge of guilt whenever favours are involved because you never liked asking for help. You were furiously independent and responsible, relying on others was out of the question. Yet, Bruce has always seemed to find a way to weave himself in your mistakes and problems, constantly there to help out. You have to remind yourself this isn’t about you. It’s for the kids. Special guest, Bruce Wayne, playboy and billionaire. Sounds awesome.

As your consciousness begins ebbing away, you feel Bruce shift from beside you, grasp tightening upon your waist. Before your dazed mind could even fully process that he was in the midst of a nightmare, his eyes are wide open, heart-pounding and it seizes him up instantly. With deep breaths, he closed his eyes once more, unable to shake the feeling of dread that rattles in him. Then, a sudden cold touch to his arm—he jumps and snaps his head to look over his shoulder.

It’s you, still laid in bed with a prominent frown upon your brows. Your hand squeezes his forearm and all he feels is instant relief. His heart still pounds, not in fear but with affection. “Are you okay?” you drawled as you watch his lingering hand, fingers weaved between the strands of hair. The silver ones glint under the low light, contrasting the deep brown ones. You notice how his hair had grown along with his five o’clock shadow becomes more evident by the days. His face away from you, finally nodding in response to your question. “Yeah, just... a bad dream. His voice is subdued as he shifts under the sheets, head leaning against the headboard. Despite your weakened state, you bring yourself to sit up, twisting your body to face him properly. "You wanna talk about it?” you say, patting his shoulder lightly in a comforting manner. You watch him rub his eyes, exhale tightly and shake his head. “No. Anything but that.”

His response comes out almost harsh but Bruce doesn’t mean for it to be perceived in that way. His dream was the usual, the normal ones he’s used to by now but in times of stress overwork, they have started to become more intense and violent. This time it involved you, for the first time, and he watched you vividly get shot in the forehead—trails of his memory as Batman when he encountered you at the burger restaurant with the muzzle of a gun inches away from you. It haunts him to think that if the circumstances were different if you hadn’t texted him those dreaded four words, you might be dead.

He certainly is not telling you about the dream. Never in a million years.

Bruce turns to you and you’re still staring at him, worry carved deep in your furrowed brows. Change of topic was merely necessary at this point. “So, how has school been? The kids still mean to you?” Classic Bruce, always sweeping his problems under the antique Persian rug. You don’t blame him because you wouldn’t know better.

It was your turn to sigh at the mention of school but since tonight’s pillow talk is heading towards your job as an English teacher at GHS, you might as well use the opportunity to pitch in your plan. “Still mean, but the drama club kids are really great,” You thumb the edge of the blanket, unable to hide your growing smile. “Speaking of which, the annual play is next Friday and they have been rehearsing all week but,” you paused as you watched his right brow gradually lift. “No one comes for it. Like, no one and I hate to see all their efforts just thrown out the window like that—”

“So, you want me to go for it.”

You blinked, wondering if your explanations were too obvious of its underlying intent or Bruce could just read you like an open book. You won’t be surprised if it’s the latter.

“If it’s no biggie. You don’t have to because I know you’re very busy but I don’t want the special guest to end up being the Big Belly Burger mascot.” Your smile widens and Bruce chuckles. Hell, it’s probably past midnight and you’re still able to find ways to be terribly funny. Literally terrible. After a beat of silence, he clears his throat. “I’ll clear my schedule.” It didn’t need much anticipation or thought because despite everything going on in his life, he knows he’ll do just about anything for you. You’re practically beaming at him and he finally sees it’s all worth it in the end. “Thank you, Bruce.” Your voice is sweet, and it makes his heart swell ever so slightly.

He sometimes wishes the two of you weren’t trapped in this loophole of unsaid confessions and hidden strong emotions for the other.

It almost comes naturally when he leans to you and presses a swift kiss to your forehead. Instead, it’s contradicting everything the two of you consider normal. He isn’t thinking straight and now your smile has disappeared, mouth agape and eyes very wide. Your brain stops.

Uh, what the hell just happened?

It hits him like a punch to the gut and the growing awkward silence is deafening. Yet, he doesn’t apologise because if he does, it doesn’t mean anything when in reality, it means so much more than just an accidental gesture. You don’t mention anything because you don’t objectify his actions. Kissing Bruce was fine when there are no strings attached but a peck to the forehead is way too affectionate for the man.

Before the both of you begin to overthink the events of a few moments ago, Bruce’s rational conscience kicks in and he clears his throat. “Get some sleep. You had a long day today.” He pats you on the shoulder awkwardly and you hum, shifting your head to lay back on the pillow. “Yesterday.” you correct him as it’s well past midnight. He chuckles, now laying flat on his back as he stares at the ceiling. Silently, the two of you agree to forget whatever happened a minute ago and to just...sleep it off.

TAGLIST:

@raineeace

[hookingminor]

three lessons - mat barzal

a/n: new series idea I just had, spoiler there is filth and the next parts will be as well also im not the best at writing smut so you’ll have to bear with me here. anyway! let me know what you think! comments/thoughts are always appreciated! also, I know it briefly mentions being the younger sister of a teammate, but I know nothing about the isles so its literally just for plot purposes don’t expect much from that and this isn’t proofread sorry

word count: 4.2k

summary: you’re tired of being a virgin, so you hit up Mat to help you with your problem and strike a deal

warnings (18+): loss of virginity, smut

PART TWO

-

This was by far the worst idea you’ve ever had.

In your twenty-one years of life, you’ve never had a worse idea. Your initial plan was crazy in and of itself, but adding Mat to the mix? It’s like you were asking to get your ass kicked.

The original thought came to you a year ago when you were sitting on the couch of your friend’s apartment, four glasses of wine into the night. She was complaining about her latest hookup, raging over the fact that he didn’t know where the clit was.

This is how it usually went between you two.

She was the one who got all the guys, the one who could pick up anyone from the bar and spend the night in a stranger’s bed without a second thought. You, however, were the wingwoman, the person who was left behind when your friend eventually decided to leave with a man.

It didn’t bother you that much. It’s not like you felt like you needed a boyfriend, you were secure in almost all aspects of your life, but the nagging thought in the back of your mind kept saying that you needed to get fucked. And soon.

Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through your bloodstream or the fact that you hadn’t masturbated in nearly two weeks, but you rolled your eyes at your friend before you finally snapped.

“At least you’ve had someone to fuck the past few months! Be grateful you’re not me and still a virgin at twenty!” You shouted, fed up with hearing stories about how your friend’s sex life was so terrible. At least she had a sex life to begin with.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” you apologized quickly, bringing your hand to cover your mouth in shock, “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry, it’s just… it’s hard listening to you talk about this when I can’t contribute to the conversation.”

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry for always talking about it,” your friend said, eyes softening when she heard how regretful you sounded, “How about we change the subject?”

She didn’t wait for your response before launching into a monologue about how classes were going and her upcoming finals. You tried listening to her, but your mind was still stuck on the previous topic. Of course it was unfortunate that you happened to be twenty and with no sexual experience, but it didn’t bother you before like it was bothering you right now.

Ideas began racing through your head of how you could rectify this, and that’s when the seed was planted.

Now, almost a year later, your carefully thought out plan was almost complete; though, ‘carefully’ could be more loosely translated to ‘reckless.’

You paced outside of Mat’s door, walking back and forth as you fiddled with your hands, working up the courage to knock. This was such a bad idea. You brought your hand up to the door, pausing before your fist made contact before bringing it back down and resuming your pacing.

After another five minutes of deep contemplation, you made your decision. You knocked on the door before you could second guess yourself, now bringing your hands to tug at the strands of your hair.

The few seconds it took for Mat to answer the door felt like a lifetime, and when he opened the door, you were met with a confused look.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He asked, peeking his head out of the door to glance down the hallway.

“Hi, I know you weren’t expecting me and you have to leave for practice soon, but I needed to talk to you about something,” you explained quickly.

Mat’s brows stayed furrowed in confusion, but he opened the door further to let you inside.

“Firstly, I just wanted to say that Anders doesn’t know I’m here, and I’d really appreciate it if you never mentioned it to him,” you said as he closed the door behind you.

Mat ushered you into his living room, gesturing for you to take a seat on the couch as he crossed his arms and waited for you to continue.

“This is going to sound absolutely crazy and you’re probably going to reject me but just hear me out,” you said, taking a deep sigh. He was totally going to shut you down, but there was no turning back now.

“I wanted to ask you if you’d have sex with me. You’d be doing me a favor as my friend. I’m kind of… a virgin… and I really don’t want to be anymore,” you took a breath to watch his reaction which was unreadable, “You’re probably thinking it’s a terrible idea, being that I’m Anders’s sister and everything, but I promise I won’t say anything to him. I just want to get a little experience under my belt… it’s kind of embarrassing. Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you’d give me a few lessons or something.”

You raised your eyes to meet Mat’s as you finished your rant, worrying about what he was going to say. A long silence fell between you two as he processed what you said.

“Uh… I don’t really know what to say,” he started awkwardly, bringing his hand to rub at the back of his neck, “I’m honored, I guess? That you asked me to help, but I’m just a little confused since we don’t really know each other.”

Okay, you could give him that. It was true that you weren’t the closest of friends, but you’d met on a handful occasions. It’s not like you were complete strangers, but other than knowing what you were studying in school and that you were Anders’s much younger sister, he didn’t know much about you.

“That’s fair,” you said, “I asked you because, well, you’re obviously hot which I’m sure you know. Also, not knowing each other is what makes this perfect. I’m not attached to you in any way and vice versa. Honestly? You’re one of the few guys in town that I feel comfortable around, so it was either ask you or find a random Tinder hookup and have to do this speech all over again but ten times as awkward.”

Mat didn’t like the last part of that explanation: the whole ‘random Tinder hookup to take your virginity’ part. He may not have known you that well, but he knew you were a nice girl and deserved to be more than just a notch on the bedpost of someone who didn’t care about you.

“I know you’re probably thinking I’m insane, and I get it. I felt a little insane when I thought about this too. But I really feel like you’re the best option. I understand if you think it’s too weird, though,” you said when he hadn’t replied. Your eyes watched him as he sat still as a rock across from you.

“I… I have to leave for practice soon,” was the only thing he responded with.

You felt your heart drop at his statement. Of course he was going to say no, you were an idiot for even trying.

“Yeah, totally, I’ll get going,” you said quickly, gathering your stuff and making your way to the entrance.

When you reached the door, you turned back one last time to see him still in the same position.

“Can you not tell Anders, please? I know this was a crazy, stupid idea but… just don’t tell him, okay? He doesn’t need to know about my sex… well, lack of sex life,” you added before shutting the door behind you.

-

Mat had lost his mind.

Truly and honestly, he had lost his mind if he was even considering your proposition. Which he was. He was really considering your proposition, and he wanted to punch himself for it.

He couldn’t possibly agree to this, could he? You were the captain’s younger sister. Sure, you two weren’t the closest of siblings, but the code still applied. And the code clearly said he was not allowed to fraternize with relatives of his teammates in any way. He hadn’t broken this rule yet, and he couldn’t believe he was even thinking about breaking it now.

Inside his head, he weighed the pros and the cons of sleeping with you. Well, teaching you would be a better phrase. If Mat was being honest, he had blacked out after the terms ‘virgin’ and ‘have sex with me’ fell from your lips. He watched you from his spot on the couch, his eyes following your mouth but not processing the words you were saying. Truthfully, he ran over the conversation a million times in his head and he wasn’t sure he was actually processing them now.

You wanted him to take your virginity. You wanted him to give you experience. You called them lessons.

You were, quite literally, asking him to be your sex tutor.

When you left the apartment, he did what he did best. He compartmentalized. Instead of thinking about the awkward conversation he just had with you, he pushed all thoughts of you from his mind and went to practice. For a whole three hours he focused on hockey. He even had the courage to look at his captain despite the weird interaction he’d just had with his sister.

But then practice was over, and Mat was left with nothing to do but think about what you said. Thinking turned into contemplating, and contemplating eventually turned into pulling up your Instagram page.

Mat typed and retyped the message a million times, deleting it before he could accidentally pressed send. He went back and forth between wanting to say yes and throwing his phone as far away from him so he wouldn’t be tempted.

What could be the worst thing that happened? He thought.

A million bad things could happen. He knew this deep in his heart that it was, for all intents and purposes, the worst idea ever to teach his captain’s sister how to have sex, but his head and desire to get laid had other plans.

So, he picked up his phone one last time and composed the same message he’d written a hundred times.

to @yourusername: does your offer still stand? text me 212-203-3849

-

For the second time in a week, you were pacing outside of Mat’s apartment. You’d received his message almost six days ago, and now here you were.

Your chest nearly collapsed with relief when you’d seen he wanted to take you up on your offer. And then your stomach filled with butterflies, nerves wracking your body as you now had an official plan to lose your virginity.

You eagerly liked the message, dialing his number in your phone so you could hash out the details over text. He promised you two would go over some ground rules in person, saying it felt too weird to have a written contract or something over text. You agreed to his plans and set a date to go over to his apartment that following weekend.

Feeling more courageous than you did a week ago, you knocked on the door with confidence this time. If you were going to lose your virginity tonight, you weren’t going to look like a frightened kitten when you did.

Mat greeted you with a warm smile this time, his eyes lighting up when he saw you. Same as last time, he ushered you into his apartment and directed you towards his couch.

“Do you want anything to drink? I was about to open a bottle of wine,” Mat asked, already moving to the kitchen.

“Yeah, wine would be great. Thanks,” you replied, taking a seat on the edge of the couch.

Mat tinkered around in the kitchen for a couple minutes before he joined you, handing you a glass of red. You took a long sip as he settled down, hoping the wine would work fast to calm your nerves.

“So, what did you want to discuss first?” He asked after a moment.

“Well, we should probably have some ground rules. I was thinking that since you’re the expert and all, you should decide how these lessons go. Oh, and I think that we should keep this to a three-time thing. Anything more than that will probably get more complicated,” you answered with ease. Not to say you had spent the past week thinking about what you were going to say, but you definitely did.

Mat nodded in agreement at your suggestions before adding his own.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Also, we can’t tell anyone about this because, you know, your brother and the team and all,” he said. You hummed in response, that much was a given. No one could know about this.

“So, where do we start? Should I take off my clothes or?” You asked.

“No,” he said with a chuckle, “We’re going to watch a movie.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. For now at least.”

You hadn’t known what you were expecting, but it was not a cuddle session on his couch. You imagined that maybe he would’ve just ripped your clothes off the minute you walked in to get down to business, but he was being way more casual than you were feeling. Which was probably a good thing because your heart was beating a thousand beats a minute, so at least one of you had this situation under control.

Mat had told you to dress comfortably as he didn’t plan on leaving the apartment, and he was dressed in a similar fashion as you: gray sweatpants with a dark blue t-shirt. You had thrown on a pair of leggings and a shirt from your college before leaving, making sure to wear at least a nice bralette and pair of panties underneath.

He drank down the rest of his wine before adjusting himself on the couch, moving into a position where he was laying down. Grabbing the blanket folded on the back cushion, he spread it out over his body before patting the spot in front of him. Normally, you would’ve been intimidated by a bold move like this, but the wide smile on his face indicated that he was perfectly comfortable right now, and his ease surrounded you in waves.

Slamming back the rest of your wine, you lay down in front of him, tucking your body against his while his arms pulled your chest closer.

“Anything specific you want to watch?” He asked, using his free hand to grab the remote. You muttered a quiet ‘no,’ allowing him to go ahead and choose. Mat scrolled through the Netflix options before settling on a new action movie.

“So, how much experience do you have exactly?” Mat asked once the introduction credits had finished. It was a good thing he wasn’t looking at you because your face heated up in embarrassment.

“I’ve only ever got as far as making out,” you muttered.

“No one’s ever touched you then?” He prodded.

“No,” you replied, your cheeks on fire. You couldn’t see him, but Mat nodded in response against the back of your head, letting out a quiet ‘okay.’

It wasn’t the first time Mat had been with a virgin, but that hadn’t been since high school and when he also wasn’t that experienced himself. Mat decided to let the movie play for a little bit longer before making his first move.

That time came when there was a particularly slow scene on. Slowly, he lifted up the hem of your t-shirt and slid his hand underneath, tracing small circles on the skin of your stomach. You clenched your thighs together as a warm feeling started to spread throughout your body.

It was happening.

Mat kept his hands there for a few minutes, inching up so slowly you almost couldn’t tell he’d moved at all. When the initial shock of his touch settled, you tried to refocus your attention to the movie.

Another ten minutes passed before Mat made his next move. Almost imperceptibly, he used his elbow to push his torso up before he brushed the hair covering your neck to the side. You felt his fingertips brush your ear, a shiver running up your spine. He brought his lips to your neck a split second later, placing a soft kiss against it.

Your eyes briefly shut for a second, reveling in the fact that Mat’s lips were on your neck. He kissed around your jaw a couple times before the hand on his stomach was shifting you to rest on your back. Your body followed his lead and your eyes met his hazel ones before he was leaning in to kiss your lips.

A heat unfurled in your body the second your lips connected and you eagerly moved yours against his. One of Mat’s hands had moved to the back of your neck to tilt your head at a better angle, the other hand moving further up under your shirt to rest just below your bra clasp. Your body involuntarily arched up into his hands as his tongue slipped out to part your lips. You opened your mouth and his tongue entered immediately, tangling with yours. You and Mat lay on the couch for a good while, making out heavily before you eventually had to break it for air.

“At least you don’t have to worry about kissing. You’re a natural,” Mat commended with an airy chuckle, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his compliment.

Mat’s smile brightened at your laugh before he leaned back in, the heat building in your body at double speed. You knew you were attracted to him, but you didn’t think he would be able to wind you up this fast. Or maybe it was just because you’ve never had a man touch you like this before.

Breaking the kiss, Mat began to trail more kisses down your body, pausing near your collarbone when he heard a particular breathy gasp leave your mouth. Mat continued his path over your shirt until he reached your belly button.

“Can I take this off?” He asked, looking up at you.

“You can take mine off if you take yours off,” you replied with a seductive smirk. Mat pulled back from your body, matching your smirk with one of his own as he tore off his shirt. Less than a second later, he was tugging at the hem of yours, urging you to sit up so he could take it off.

Mat’s hands were back on your body right after he tossed your shirt on the floor. This time, he retraced his path down your torso with his mouth and tongue, leaving no patch of skin untouched. His fingers danced around the edge of your leggings, teasing you until you were lifting up your hips into his face.

“Please take them off, Mat,” you said through gasps, wanting nothing more than to be rid of your clothing. He chuckled lightly against your waistband, his nose tickling your abdomen before he began shimmying off your leggings.

Tilting your hips up, you helped him slide the pants down your legs along with your underwear. Though your cheeks flamed up at the thought of being exposed before Mat, you felt oddly calm (well, as calm as you can be given the circumstances) with him.

“Holy shit, baby. You’re soaked,” Mat noted with a deep groan. He shuffled his body further down the couch into a comfortable position, lifting one leg to hook over his shoulder.

You breathed in shaky breaths as Mat placed gentle kisses on your thighs, working upwards slowly until he reached your core. And when he used his tongue to lick a strip across your pussy, your back arched into the air as you let out a loud moan.

“You gotta stay still, Y/N,” Mat chuckled darkly, wrapping one hand to steady your middle.

“Sorry, never done this before,” you replied in gasps.

Now immobilized, Mat resumed his place between your legs, repeating the same series of licks before he closed his lips around your clit. He flicked his tongue across the sensitive area. God, you would have done this a long time ago if you knew it would feel this good. You weren’t sure if it was too early to feel the heat inside you build up this quickly or if Mat was just too good at this. You hoped it was the latter.

His tongue lapped at your folds, and your hands flew down to grasp his hair in need. You didn’t think you could moan any louder, but then he brought his thumb to your clit to rub in tight circles as his tongue teased your entrance.

“Holy fuck,” you whined out, canting your hips up as much as you could. You could feel his smirk against your pussy at your exclamation, bringing his hand down to slowly enter a finger into you.

You let out a surprised gasp as you felt the first finger penetrate you. Mat kept his attention on your clit, lips sucking harshly at it. You let yourself get lost in the pleasure, focusing on how good he was making you feel.

After a few thrusts of one finger, giving you plenty of time to adjust, he added a second, feeling your walls tighten around them. He moved both fingers in and out of you, alternating the pressure between your entrance and clit. Just when he hit the right spot inside you, your hand tugged on his hair tightly, and he took the hint to curl his fingers against that spot.

“I’m so close, Mat,” you moaned, tossing your head back into the pillow.

“What do you need, baby?” He asked, pulling back for a quick breath. You glanced down to meet his gaze, taking in the way his chin glistened from your pussy. The view made you moan lowly, and his eyes darkened at the sound.

“Your tongue, please,” you begged quietly.

Mat heard the words leave your mouth and nestled his face back between your legs, tongue sliding up your slit in response. In rhythm with stroking your g-spot, he sucked at your clit, and it was mere seconds before your body coiled tightly inside. He kept the same pace and before long, you felt yourself crest the peak and then fall.

Mat removed his fingers slowly from your entrance, his tongue licking softly at your folds until he felt your breathing return to normal. It took you a few seconds to regain your sense of self, stars still whirling in the corners of your vision. When you finally felt yourself grounded on Earth again, you opened your eyes to see a self-satisfied smirk on Mat’s face.

“You’re so hot when you come,” he said when you met his gaze, and had you not been riding high on cloud nine when he said this, you might have blushed in embarrassment. But you weren’t embarrassed right now. The only thing you felt was giddy. Giddy because you were one step closer to your end goal.

And while you were blissed out, you dropped your gaze to notice the extremely visible bulge tenting in his sweatpants. Focused on a new task, you sat up quickly before leaning over Mat’s body so you could return the favor. Your lips crashed against his in a frenzy, your hands clumsily reaching down to grasp his length. However, you only got to feel it for a second before Mat’s hand was tugging it away.

“Not tonight, babe. Tonight was about you,” Mat said with a strained voice, breaking the kiss to look at you.

“What do you mean? We’re not having sex tonight?” You asked in confusion, your head still a little hazy from the orgasm.

“No, we’re not,” he laughed, noticing the wantonness in your voice, “You said I’m in charge, right? This was already a lot for one night, so we’ll put off the sex until next time.”

You nodded your head, though you weren’t really understanding. It made sense. Tonight was a very big step for you, and he didn’t want to give you too much at once. But despite that, your pussy was begging for a repeat performance and you were so far gone you were willing to do just about anything Mat would say.

“What about you, though?” You asked, glancing down to the noticeable tent.

“I’ll be fine, I promise. We still have two more lessons. There’s plenty of time for that later,” he replied, though the bulge between you seemed to say otherwise.

“Promise you’re okay?” You insisted.

“I swear, Y/N,” he said with a chuckle.

A comfortable silence fell between you after that, and you couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across your face. Your eyes sparkled with renewed purpose, and you felt satisfied for the first time in a long time. A smile of Mat’s own slowly appeared on his face as he watched you light up before him. Before you could stop yourself, you threw yourself into him, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck.

“Thank you, Mat. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” You said happily, punctuating each ‘thank you’ with a loud smacking kiss on his cheek.

When you pulled back to give him that award-winning smile again, Mat had one thought.

He was totally fucked.

[bestworstcase]

What are your opinions on the whole "Cassandra is a toxic friend for Rapunzel" or "Rapunzel and Cass's friendship was a toxic one" statements?

so.

first of all, “toxic” is one of those buzzwords that gets tossed around on a lot in online spaces and as always with those, i think it’s important to clarify precisely what i mean. the formal definition of “toxic relationship” as phrased by dr. lillian glass, who coined the term, is: 

any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.

toxicity in a relationship doesn’t necessarily stem from abuse (although all abusive relationships are toxic; rectangles and squares, etc). sometimes, it’s just that two people aren’t good for each other, or don’t mesh well, or have other things going on that make it so they can’t do the work necessary to build a sustainable relationship. regardless of the root cause, though, all toxic relationships:

- create persistent stress, unhappiness, discomfort, anxiety, anger, malaise, or resignation, instead of creating joy,

- may catalyze or exacerbate mental health issues of people trapped in them,

- make communication between participants difficult or impossible,

- warp interpersonal boundaries within the relationship, and

- have a detrimental effect on attachments outside the relationship.

so with our term defined, do cass and rapunzel have a toxic friendship?

yeah.

but—and this is the controversial part of my Opinion™ lol—it’s rapunzel, not cassandra, who’s the toxic friend. 

as i see it, there are two major problems here: 

#1: rapunzel has no respect for cassandra’s boundaries.

one idea i see expressed an awful lot in both cass-fan and cass-critical circles is that cassandra isn’t good at communicating her feelings, desires, or needs and frankly... no. i used to kind of nod along with this, but i increasingly just do not agree that this is a general trait of hers.

consider her behavior in season 1.

in before ever after: 

CASS: You can’t let Eugene see you!

RAPUNZEL: What? Why?

CASS: He can’t know anything about last night! I told you, Rapunzel, if it gets out I took you outside Corona, I’m done for.

RAPUNZEL: But I trust Eugene.

CASS: Well I don’t. [beat] My Dad will have me taken off princess detail. We’ll never see each other again.

cass states a boundary plainly and directly, and explains her reasoning so that rapunzel will understand why it’s so important to her that rapunzel keep their excursion a secret. 

in what the hair: 

CASS: Raps, I told you, we can’t tell anyone about that night!

RAPUNZEL: Um, Cass, I think the secret’s pretty much out.

CASS: Yeah, yeah, everyone know’s the hair’s back—but if anyone found out I was the one who snuck you out when it happened, I would be sent to a convent. Literally a convent.

RAPUNZEL: Well... I have to tell Eugene.

CASS: No, no, no no—as far as he knows, you... just woke up that morning with long hair.

RAPUNZEL: But Eugene is my boyfriend! We tell each other everything!

CASS: I know this is a lot to ask, but I can’t risk it. Please, don’t tell Eugene.

again, cass is upfront in asking rapunzel to keep this secret from her. she even acknowledges that she’s asking a lot from rapunzel, but her livelihood and home are dependent on this secret staying secret, and cass spells this out as clearly as possible for rapunzel. 

then, when eugene tries to guilt-trip rapunzel into telling him the secret, cass cuts in to emphasize—again—why she doesn’t want him to know: “I don’t trust you. You have a big mouth,” a statement she backs up with multiple examples just from the week or so since BEA.

and later in the episode: 

RAPUNZEL: This isn’t right, Cassandra! I have to tell Eugene.

CASS: No! Rapunzel, I want to trust you. And I trust that you trust Eugene, but I don’t trust Eugene, and if I can’t trust Eugene, I can’t trust you, and you’re just going to have to trust me. [beat] Trust me, that logic tracks. 

the gag of course is that this is not an especially eloquent way of stating her point, but the reasoning here does in fact track: cassandra’s safety depends on keeping their excursion secret, and she doesn’t trust eugene’s ability or willingness to protect her by keeping the secret, therefore she is asking—really, begging, at this point—rapunzel not to tell him.

cassandra’s communication on this point is always crystal clear. she empathizes with rapunzel’s discomfort keeping the secret from eugene, she understands why rapunzel feels that way, and she repeatedly and clearly asks rapunzel to prioritize cassandra’s safety over her own discomfort. 

and rapunzel refuses. in the final scene of what the hair, rapunzel checks to make sure that cassandra isn’t paying attention, then tells eugene the truth. his gut reaction is to cheer because oho cass is in for it now, and of course raps shuts this down—but she doesn’t care that she just betrayed cassandra’s trust. she’s just relieved that she’s no longer hiding anything from eugene. 

now, we don’t get to see cassandra’s reaction to this, but cass is standing right there, and even if she didn’t hear rapunzel telling him the secret, she would certainly have heard eugene crowing about getting her into trouble. there is no way she doesn’t realize what just happened. 

it’s not brought up again in the next few episodes, so we can assume that cass simply decided to let it slide. rapunzel doesn’t mean any harm, after all, and she got eugene to promise not to spill the beans. it is what it is. cass just has to hope neither of them tell anyone else.

and this brings us to the next time cass tries to establish a boundary with rapunzel, in challenge of the brave.

now in this situation, there’s no danger to cassandra. she just wants to participate in the challenge and she’s simply not keen on the idea of competing alongside rapunzel.

but... remember what happened the last time cass laid down a boundary with rapunzel? not just any boundary, but a boundary about something that was a significant and immediate threat to cassandra’s safety? remember how carefully and clearly she explained herself to rapunzel, how she pleaded for rapunzel to protect her by keeping the secret—only for rapunzel to glibly do the one thing cass begged her not to do?

in challenge of the brave, cassandra knows that rapunzel won’t listen to her stated boundaries even when cassandra’s whole life in the palace is at stake. and the stakes are not that high with the challenge, not by a long shot, so what does cass do when rapunzel tries to tag along?

RAPUNZEL: I wanna sign up!

CASS: You mean compete?!

RAPUNZEL: Let’s do it together! 

[excited kid babble]

CASS: That would be fun... but I’m not so sure that’s the best idea...

RAPUNZEL: I’m brave! And I’m always up for a challenge!

CASS: But th- the thing is, the Challenge is by invitation only, so you can’t do it. Oh, man, ughh, rules are rules!

RAPUNZEL: Aw, okay. But you can always count on me to cheer you on!

first, cass drops a large hint that she really is not enthused about the idea of competing in the challenge with rapunzel. she’s clearly hoping that raps will pick up on her disinterest and back off on her own (and if rapunzel were more socially astute, she probably would, because cass is... not subtle). 

but when this doesn’t work, instead of saying outright that she wants to do the challenge by herself, cass scrambles and makes up a lie to prevent rapunzel from entering. why? well, rapunzel didn’t listen to her when the stakes were “i will be sent to a convent,” so she has no reason to think rapunzel will listen to her when the stakes are “this is just something i want to do by myself.” 

this happens again when rapunzel is making cass uncomfortable before the challenge begins; in contrast to BEA/WTH, cass is visibly uncomfortable being open about her feelings with rapunzel now, so she says “Why don’t you go find Eugene in the stands?” instead of being direct about what she wants.

now of course, all this falls apart when rapunzel discovers the lie and decides to sign up for the challenge at the last minute. cass reacts quite badly to this, with her frustration and hurt feelings bubbling up more and more throughout the challenge. but like, at this point, what is she supposed to do? rapunzel is in the ring. she’s going to be in the challenge whether cass likes it or not, and when rapunzel first enters, cass tries really hard to grit her teeth and be a good sport about it.

she just... can’t, because the challenge means too much to her. it represents her life outside of being rapunzel’s servant, and rapunzel joining in and effortlessly succeeding at things cass has trained hard for feels like rapunzel taking that away from her.

all of which eventually culminates in... this: 

RAPUNZEL: Wait, stop! We’re supposed to be friends!

CASS: A friend wouldn’t be so oblivious, Rapunzel. You have no idea what this contest means to me! I mean, you’re a princess, you’ve got nothing to prove. To you, this was just a fun way to blow off a Saturday, but to me, it was a chance to show everyone that I am more than just your lady-in-waiting. And just when I thought I might get even the slightest bit of respect... Never mind.

cass spends the whole day bottling these feelings up, but when she does finally snap, she is able to clearly and succinctly express what her problem is. and though this isn’t explicitly stated, it seems likely to me that cassandra didn’t say any of this earlier because she assumed rapunzel wouldn’t care. when raps says “I respect you, I look up to you!” cass is visibly taken aback. 

and this is super important!! because rapunzel listens. even though cass tried to brush off her own feelings, rapunzel sees what her problem was, understands her, and immediately offers her a true, heartfelt apology. this matters to cass. this is why she lets go of her anger, and why she’s able to gracefully accept rapunzel’s victory a few minutes later. she’s not just seeing that rapunzel really does care for her, she’s also seeing a marked change from how rapunzel treated her in BEA/WTH. she’s seeing a signal from rapunzel that rapunzel DOES care about her boundaries after all.

like with the BEA/WTH incident, this leads into the next time cass expresses a boundary with rapunzel, in under raps. 

in under raps, the stakes are super high again: cass is a key player in a dangerous game of espionage with an insurgent who’s going to attempt to steal top secret information that would put all of corona in danger if it fell into the wrong hands. and cass is doing this on top of all her duties as a lady-in-waiting and a maid, during an obnoxious holiday that she’s not a fan of in general, so she’s pretty damn stressed.

anyway, at the beginning of the episode, cass is very open about how she feels about the day of hearts, and when rapunzel tries to “fix” this, cass makes her disinterest clear—first politely, and then more pointedly when rapunzel doesn’t take the hint: “I don’t have time right now. You two have fun though, okay?” → “Will you just stop, Rapunzel?” and, when rapunzel continues to push: 

CASS: Look, Raps, I get what you’re doing, and I appreciate it, but I’m fine.

RAPUNZEL: Cass, no! Something is clearly wrong; you never wanna hang out, you keep disappearing, you don’t even want to beat up Eugene!

CASS: I’m dealing with... some stuff. Stuff I’m not ready to share–but when I am ready, you’ll be the first person I go to. Trust me.

here, as in BEA/WTH, cassandra has no trouble articulating what she wants from rapunzel. she doesn’t elaborate on exactly what’s going on, but she is upfront that 1) there is something, 2) she’s not ready to talk about it, 3) she’s planning on telling rapunzel once she’s ready, and 4) she wants rapunzel to stop pushing in the meantime. and... unlike in BEA/WTH, it seems like cass actually trusts rapunzel to listen to her because she’s taken to heart the way rapunzel apologized in COTB.

except... once again, rapunzel ignores her clearly stated boundaries. she’s too curious about what cassandra is up to to wait until cass is ready to share, so she follows cass and spies on her, taking the choice to share out of cassandra’s hands. then, despite recognizing that cassandra is not keen to be open about her relationship with andrew (rapunzel notes to eugene that cass seems “shy” about it), rapunzel decides to push for even more: 

CASS: A double date?!

RAPUNZEL: Yes! They’re four person fun-machines!

CASS: Rapunzel, I appreciate your enthusiasm. I really, really do, but I- I’m not at a place where I wanna go public.

RAPUNZEL: Which is why I’ve come up with an itinerary of private activities for us.

CASS: [sighing] But we really aren’t that serious yet.

RAPUNZEL: No problem! We’ll keep it short and sweet, then!

cass is withholding some information here—but it’s information that really needs to be withheld. state secrets and intrigue on this level is not something you go around casually telling your friend, especially if that friend has a history of revealing important secrets. 

that issue aside, though, cass is once again very straightforward here. she doesn’t want to go on a double date. she doesn’t want her relationship with andrew to be made public, because it isn’t serious. but every time cass draws a line, rapunzel modifies her proposal to “accommodate” the reason cass gives for saying no (don’t want to go public? that’s fine, we’ll do private activities. you’re not that serious yet? okay, we’ll only do a few casual things) instead of just accepting the no, until cass relents.

it’s also worth noting that when cass relents, she agrees to dinner—but rapunzel acts like she’s agreed to everything on the itinerary, plus a hot air balloon ride. when cass says “This double date needs to end now,” and “As soon as the balloon touches down, I’d like to be alone with [Andrew],” Rapunzel tries to protest: “But we haven’t even gotten to the tandem horseback ride yet.” 

and finally, after all this, when rapunzel interrupts, putting both herself and cass in serious danger and enabling andrew to get away with the journal, cassandra has no problem telling rapunzel how she feels: 

CASS: You know, after the exposition debacle, this was my big chance to prove to my Dad I have what it takes to be a guard. But you messed that all up, Rapunzel!

RAPUNZEL: Well, ugh, maybe if you had told me what you were planning, I wouldn’t have messed it up!

CASS: I couldn’t count on you not letting anything slip!

RAPUNZEL: Hey! I can keep things to myself!

CASS: Oh, yeah? Kinda like when you told Eugene about the night we snuck out? 

RAPUNZEL: How did you know about—

CASS: Or when you told your Dad about those rocks I showed you?!

RAPUNZEL: I had to! He was gonna—

CASS: And how’d your mom find out who ate her last chocolate truffle? Hm?

RAPUNZEL: I turned myself in! The guilt was just—

CASS: Look, Raps, you’re my best friend. But you’re a sharer. It’s in your nature. And I’m fine with that, but you’ll have to be fine with respecting things I want to keep to myself. 

RAPUNZEL: Even if those things have life-threatening consequences?

CASS: Okay, in my defense, no one’s life was really threatened until you showed up. 

RAPUNZEL: ...You’re right. Alright, tell you what, let’s make a deal. I’ll understand you keeping some things to yourself, if you understand that when something’s bothering you, I’m gonna want to help. You’ve got my back, so let me have yours.

CASS: I suppose I can live with that.

notice... three things here. 

first, not only does rapunzel not apologize, she blames cassandra for her own behavior. cass should have just told her everything from the get go—then she wouldn’t have needed to push, pester, and spy on cassandra to figure out what was going on and she wouldn’t have burst in and ruined the delicate sting operation cassandra was handling. in rapunzel’s mind, the problem isn’t that she didn’t respect cass’s clearly stated boundaries—the problem is that cass didn’t tell her every single detail about why she had those boundaries. 

second, cass explains exactly why she wasn’t forthcoming: rapunzel has an established pattern of spilling important secrets, including important secrets, including secrets that cass expressly asked her not to share with anyone. cassandra didn’t just arbitrarily decide to keep the truth of her “relationship” with andrew a secret—she made a reasonable decision based on her estimation of rapunzel’s ability to keep her mouth shut. an estimation informed by rapunzel’s past behavior. 

and third, rapunzel offers cass a “deal” that boils down to, “i’ll accept that you have boundaries if you accept that i am going to push them.” (she phrases this in a nice way, but based on her behavior in this episode and in future episodes, it is clear that by “help” and “have your back,” rapunzel doesn’t mean “i will back off if you tell me to back off, but i’m always willing to lend a hand if you ask.”) and cass accepts this. 

and... that’s pretty much where the girls stand for the rest of s1-s2. big brothers of corona and to a lesser extent freebird are other episodes where cass lays down a boundary and rapunzel disregards it either in the name of “helping” or because it’s about something she just really, really wants to do. and cass continues to get frustrated and have angry outbursts in response to this behavior, but it never, ever changes.

[i have mentioned this before but the argument that cassandra is a bad friend to rapunzel in s1-s2 because of how “mean” she is, how “cranky,” how she “snaps” or “yells” at rapunzel, or “bullies” her, etc—what this argument ignores is the fact that, with the exception of the time in BEA when she’s panicking over real danger, cass always leads with soft boundaries or polite refusals, escalates to harder, blunter statements when rapunzel ignores her, and snaps/yells/gets angry in response to rapunzel transgressing those more firmly-stated boundaries. cass is not the aggressor in these situations.]

#2: rapunzel can’t or won’t see the power she has over cass.

this disregard for cassandra’s boundaries would be a huge problem on its own, but it’s compounded by another: cassandra is rapunzel’s servant. rapunzel is cassandra’s boss. and not only is rapunzel cassandra’s boss, she’s also the princess of corona. she is a queen-in-training.

their friendship does not, and can not, exist on level ground, because rapunzel has a HUGE degree of authority over cassandra’s life, and at the end of the day... if rapunzel wants them to do something, cassandra can’t say no. her choices are “do what rapunzel says” or “refuse direct orders from the princess of corona.” cassandra is well aware of this—painfully so, at times—and rapunzel is not.

let’s talk about rapunzel and the great tree. 

context: cass had her lifelong dream of joining the royal guard within her grasp at the end of s1. she had just commanded a successful battle against an army of automatons and played a key role in rescuing the queen from her kidnapper. had she chosen to stay in corona, she could have gotten everything she ever wanted. 

instead, she chose to accompany rapunzel on her quest into unknown territory, and the king himself charged her with keeping rapunzel safe during the journey. she takes this duty as seriously as able, but she is undermined constantly and her efforts to steer the group away from dangerous, unnecessary detours are, without exception, ignored. and, because the rest of the group is composed of adventurous people less risk-averse than cass is (and without the burden of responsibility for rapunzel’s safety weighing on their shoulders), cass becomes the group naysayer, the joyless stick-in-the-mud trying to ruin their fun. even rapunzel starts to see her that way, brushing off cass’s concern for her safety at the beginning of RATGT.

this is not a nice position to be in. on top of the boundary problem that has been present since s1, cass is now under a lot of pressure, her friends aren’t treating her very well, and she’s stressed out and unhappy.

RATGT is when all of this comes to a head. adira—whom cass feels, not without merit, has supplanted her as the protector of the group, as rapunzel’s confidant, and as the voice of reason—tells them they must go through the great tree, even though a dangerous enemy (one who already almost killed them, and one whom adira has just admitted she was once affiliated with) lives inside it. cassandra says this sounds like a bad idea to her, and once again, rapunzel overrules her advice.

they enter the tree. adira reveals that the tree once belonged to zhan tiri, and although she assures them the tree is harmless, they still end up in mortal peril twice: first because of the withering incantation, and second because of the giant carnivorous flower that tries to eat eugene, lance, pascal, and maximus. they press on, and after an exhausting hike, they make it to the top of the great tree. adira suggests they camp for the night, cass says no way, that’s a terrible idea. and... well: 

RAPUNZEL: Cass... We could use the rest.

CASS: Rapunzel, this place almost got us killed an hour ago. 

ADIRA: And thankfully, I was there to prevent it.

CASS: You stay out of this, Adira!

ADIRA: I think you should calm down.

CASS: You know what I think? I think you’re playing us. I think you led us here on purpose, and for some sick reason, you wanted Rapunzel to find that incantation and read it.

RAPUNZEL: Come on, Cass, listen to yourself—

CASS: Rapunzel, I’m telling you right now, we need to get out of this tree, but more importantly, we need to lose Adira before she gets us all killed.

RAPUNZEL: I can’t do that, Cass.

CASS: What do you mean you ‘can’t do that’? Of course you can! Are you that obliviously naive that you can’t see—

RAPUNZEL: ENOUGH, Cassandra! No one is getting rid of anyone! Is that clear?

CASS: ...Yes, Your Highness. I’ll keep first watch.

now... this is absolutely not cassandra’s finest moment. she’s upset and acting paranoid and yelling at adira because she’s exhausted, she was drained by the withering incantation an hour ago, and this is six months of frustration and unhappiness all coming to a boil at the worst possible moment. and this is not rapunzel’s finest moment either, because she’s also exhausted and stressed and reacting emotionally to cass’s outburst. neither of them behave well in this argument.

but the key thing to takeaway here is not that they’re both acting irrational and distraught, but that this is the moment when the other shoe drops.

rapunzel is a princess who grew up powerless. not only is she unaccustomed to wielding power, she barely grasps that she has it at all. and while cassandra, her servant, is keenly aware of the class chasm between herself and rapunzel, rapunzel’s ignorance of it—or at least, willingness to ignore it—enabled them to become close friends. it gave cass a level of comfort with rapunzel, and once they were outside of corona, those boundaries got fuzzier.

until rapunzel pulls rank during this argument. 

when rapunzel screams “ENOUGH, Cassandra!” the whole group is visibly shocked and uncomfortable. lance even grimaces. cassandra lets go of rapunzel’s arm and retreats like she’s been stung. no one says anything, no one steps up to defend her—not because she’s in the wrong, but because she crossed the line and directly challenged rapunzel’s authority. and she can’t do that, because rapunzel is the princess, and cass is her servant. and rapunzel is willing to use that authority to shut her down.

that is what makes this moment so painful for cass. when push came to shove, rapunzel treated her like a servant, not a friend. 

but rapunzel... doesn’t understand this. she’s confused about why cass got upset and why cass reacted the way she did during the argument. so when she goes to try to patch things up, she doesn’t actually apologize, and she completely misses the core of why cass is hurt: 

RAPUNZEL: So... Earlier. That got awkward, huh?

CASS: Huh. Which part?

RAPUNZEL: I know it’s been an unusual day...

CASS: You know it’s not just about Adira, right? I mean, she’s a jerk, and I can’t stand her, but it’s just... Since when did you stop trusting my judgment?

RAPUNZEL: Cass. You are the closest thing that I will ever have to a big sister, but I’m not that naive girl fresh out of the tower anymore. I am going to be queen someday, and I can promise you I’m going to make decisions that you’re going to disagree with. And I need you to be okay with that. ...Well... I better get some rest. I’m on the next shift.

rapunzel doesn’t just not apologize for pulling rank while shouting cass down in front of their friends. she tells cass i am the queen, i will make decisions you don’t like, you need to be okay with that. and i think it’s worth noting that this is how cass reacts: 

cass sort of slumps while rapunzel is talking, but when rapunzel says “I need you to be okay with that,” cassandra pulls herself up, squeezes her eyes shut, and takes a deep breath. and then she makes herself smile.

it’s not a happy smile. it’s not a cheered-up, feeling-better smile. this is the smile of a woman who just opened up to her best friend about one of her deepest insecurities and got told that her feelings don’t matter, her friend is the queen and she just needs to deal with it. so that’s what cass is doing here: she’s sucking it up and dealing with it.

is this the message rapunzel wanted to send? no. but what rapunzel doesn’t get is that her friendship with cass doesn’t exist separately from her relationship with cass as a queen to her servant. any pretense that it could shattered the instant she pulled rank. so while rapunzel is trying to speak as one friend to another here, cassandra responds as a servant.

and now let’s talk about rapunzel: day one. 

cass, of course, gets burnt in the great tree, but that in and of itself doesn’t have anything to do with the question of whether this friendship is toxic or not. the only thing to bear in mind is that, while using the incantation during the battle in the great tree, rapunzel says two things to cassandra: “I got this, Cass, go!” and: “I can’t... control it!” 

this is important because, in RDO, rapunzel only remembers (or acknowledges) the first of those statements. it’s possible that she genuinely forgot admitting she couldn’t break herself out of the incantation, and it’s possible that she’s selectively choosing to focus on telling cass that she was fine and to get out of the tree as a way of alleviating the guilt she feels. which one is not really important. what is important is this: 

rapunzel blames cass for getting injured in the great tree.

in fact, she’s is angry at cassandra for getting injured in the great tree.

RAPUNZEL: I get why Cass is mad at me. She told me not to use the decay spell back at the Great Tree, and I did, and she hurt her hand. But if she had just listened to me and stayed out of it, this all could have been avoided! And I feel like we could work things out, but she refuses to talk about it! [...] I’ve gotta find a way to get her to talk to me.

and

RAPUNZEL: It’s okay if you’re mad at me. I’m mad at you too. I told you that I had it under control, and you didn’t listen. 

so... this is the dynamic at play here. 

first, rapunzel constantly disregards cassandra’s boundaries in general. cass knows this. 

second, rapunzel insists that it’s all cassandra’s fault that she got injured, because rapunzel either doesn’t remember or won’t acknowledge that her saying “I can’t control it” is what prompted cassandra to grab her. 

third, immediately before cass was injured, rapunzel pulled rank to shut cassandra down in an argument, shouting at and humiliating her in front of their friends. a few minutes later, when cass opened up about her hurt feelings and insecurities, rapunzel reiterated that she is in charge, and cass just needs to “be okay” with that. 

and fourth, rapunzel is making cassandra’s pain—her physical pain, and her hurt and angry feelings about having been horrifically injured by her best friend—all about rapunzel. rapunzel wants to talk things out so everything can be okay again and she can stop feeling guilty about what she did to cass, and the fact that cass isn’t ready to talk about it doesn’t matter because rapunzel wants to talk about it NOW.

[sidebar: “We can’t just push this aside and forget it like it never happened!” lmao season three would like to have a word with you.]

what... exactly is cass supposed to do here? 

if she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, rapunzel will pester and prod and wheedle her until she snaps. if she gives rapunzel the cold shoulder, as it’s implied she’s been doing, rapunzel will manufacture a situation where it’s just the two of them alone together so she can back cass into a corner and make her talk about it. if she does what rapunzel told her to do—i.e., be okay with decisions rapunzel makes as queen—by saying things like “Look, if you feel that way, then it’s fine. We’re good,” rapunzel will refuse to accept that and continue to bug her.

and if rapunzel, her boss, the princess, has decided that the fault for cass’s injury lies on cassandra’s shoulders... and if the last time cass opened up about her feelings with rapunzel, rapunzel effectively told her to just deal with it... why would cass want to subject herself to this conversation?

she literally does not have a single good option here. every choice available to her sucks.

i think this is why we don’t hear rapunzel apologize at the end of RDO; why the resolution is cass saying “i’m still angry, but i’ll get over it.” she’s still doing what rapunzel told her to do in the great tree: trying her best to suck up her feelings and be okay with rapunzel’s decision.

i don’t think cass is lying at the end of RDO. she really does feel sorry for using the wand, she really does intend to get over her anger. but i also think she is holding a lot of stuff back because she no longer feels safe expressing her true feelings around rapunzel. this is not s1 cass, who was comfortable spontaneously expressing and explaining her boundaries and frustration and pain to rapunzel. this is a cass who has learned that her feelings don’t matter to rapunzel, not really. that rapunzel is more invested in “getting along” than in actually making sure cassandra feels better. 

so she turtles up and toes that line as much as she is able. 

and that is where the toxicity in their friendship comes from. 

rapunzel means well. god bless her, she really, truly does. and she really, truly loves cass with all her heart. all she wants is for cassandra to be happy. absolutely none of her behavior towards cass is malicious or intentionally cruel.

but she is a nineteen year old who was raised by an abusive, narcissistic kidnapper and was then, less than a week after escaping that environment, dumped into a position of enormous authority with zero preparation. she doesn’t know how to have healthy relationships. her relationship with eugene is healthy because eugene is an easy-going, well-adjusted guy who is on equal footing with her and who doesn’t have any qualms about letting her in on his private thoughts or feelings and who is both willing and able to gently help her correct course when she inadvertently veers into yikes territory. 

but cassandra has baggage and the hard personal boundaries that come with it. and cassandra is rapunzel’s servant, with all the restriction and limits that implies. for rapunzel, trying to be cassandra’s friend is like trying to climb a mountain when she’s just barely learnt how to crawl. she has no fucking clue what she’s doing and she is not equipped to handle it.

i think cassandra gets this, and that’s why she gives rapunzel so many chances, why in s1 she tries so hard to help rapunzel understand where she’s coming from. but it doesn’t get better—in fact, it gets worse. (a lifetime of behaviors absorbed from your abusive “mother” do not disappear in a year’s time.) and it destroys cassandra’s mental health, makes her miserable, leads her to repress her feelings more and more throughout the tail end of s2, and leaves her wide open for zhan tiri to take advantage of in the shell house. 

at the same time, the very fact that none of this is intentional or malicious on rapunzel’s part means that this is a relationship that can be repaired. rapunzel understands cass a lot better in s3, and she’s made huge strides in healing from gothel’s abuse. the whole moonstone/zhan tiri debacle ends up being a giant reset button on their relationship: they still love each other deeply, but they’re effectively starting over from scratch, and they’ll be taking it slowly by dint of cassandra leaving corona. their only contact will be via letters for the foreseeable future, which will (a) give cass time to get her head on straight and figure out what she wants to do with her life, which she desperately needs, and (b) give rapunzel some much-needed practice in being patient, not prying, not letting her nosiness lead her to step on cassandra’s boundaries, etc. and in leaving corona, cass also left her servitude to rapunzel, so they can finally approach each other on an equal footing. 

[aerinsfables]

Part 6 for the Flower Shop AU PLEASEE! I need to know what happens next!!

:)

Flower Shop AU Part 6 below :) In which Warrenessa makes an appearance.

Read part 5 here!

-----

Bracken showed up at the address Seth had given him about ten minutes before the event was scheduled to take place. He’d brought a bouquet of flowers for Kendra’s grandmother, and a green salad he’d made that morning to share with the other attendees. Kendra had told him that he didn’t need to bring anything, but he felt weird about dropping by empty handed.

Almost as soon as he pulled up, he saw Warren leave the front of the house and walk toward him. Bracken exited his car and picked up both the bouquet and the salad bowl as Warren approached and clapped him on the back. “Good to see you again, Bracken,” he said. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“I’m looking forward to getting to know everyone,” Bracken replied.

Warren then pointed to the flowers. “For me? Aww, you shouldn’t have.”

Bracken smiled. “Sorry to disappoint, but I brought these for-“

“You’re moving a little fast if you brought them for Kendra,” Warren interrupted. “She’s not in a good place right now.”

He blinked a few times. “I brought these for her grandmother,” he explained. “This is where Seth and Kendra’s grandparents live, right?”

“Ah. Trying to get into Ruth’s good graces, huh? Smart man. Good approach.”

Before Bracken could reply that he’d simply intended to be polite, Warren led him toward the house and began walking while he spoke some more. “Ruth is inside, or at least she was when you pulled up. Most everyone else is in the backyard. Stan and Scott - Seth and Kendra’s grandpa and dad - are grilling. I’ll introduce you to everyone as we meet them.” He opened the front door and motioned for Bracken to head inside.

The interior of the house was comfortable but also a tad ornate. The floors were made of quality hardwood, a staircase led to a second story, plush rugs were located in stylish locations, and a lot of knick knacks rested in various floating shelves which lined the walls in some spots. Family photos were artfully placed in different spots around the area as well; some hung on walls, some occupied desk or dresser tops. To the left was a living room, and to the right was a hallway which led somewhere Bracken couldn’t see. Overall, the house was quite large and held an inviting atmosphere.

Warren led him through the living room and into the adjoining kitchen which Bracken hadn’t been able to see from the entryway of the house. It was large and spacious, with lots of counter space and what was apparently a walk-in pantry. “Ruth,” Warren called, and an older woman came out of said pantry.

“Oh, hello there,” she greeted with a warm smile and a wave of her hand. “Warren, who is this handsome fellow?”

“This is Bracken,” Warren said. “Bracken, this is Ruth. Kendra and Seth’s grandma.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Bracken said. He offered the bouquet to her. “These are for you. Thank you for permitting me into your home.”

“Ooh, he brought a gift! Well, these are certainly beautiful. Thank you. Make yourself at home. Most everyone’s out in the backyard. Show him around, will you, Warren?” She sniffed at the flowers and smiled again. “I’ll put these in some water!”

Warren grinned and patted Bracken on the back again. “Okay, you little suck-up, let’s take you out back to meet the others.”

Ruth clicked her tongue at that remark. “It wouldn’t hurt you to bring me flowers every so often,” she said. “You just come here to raid my kitchen.”

A chuckle left Warren’s body and he walked over to embrace Ruth, who swatted at him the whole time in a manner which suggested to Bracken that she was clearly very fond of him, and they were used to bantering with each other. He smiled. Warren pulled away from Ruth and walked away, then motioned for Bracken to follow. “This way,” he said as he opened another door which led outside.

The backyard was quite large, with a spacious deck connected to the house, steps leading down to a grass lawn where a volleyball net had been set up, a pool off to the far left, and a fire pit to the right. Bracken noticed two men standing near a nice grill on the deck, Seth was at the volleyball net with someone Bracken didn’t know, and Kendra sat near the unlit fire pit with Dale and three other women. Warren led Bracken toward the two men who were cooking hamburgers and chicken at the moment, and introduced him to them. “Stan, Scott, this is Bracken. He works at the flower shop across the street from our cafe. Bracken, this is Kendra’s dad and grandpa.”

He waved at them, probably a little awkwardly, and said, “It’s nice to meet you both. Thank you for allowing me to be here today.”

Scott smiled. “Friends of my children are always welcome.”

Warren then pointed at the volleyball net. “You know Seth. Looks like he’s getting ready to start a game. That’s Tanu over there with him. Come with me, I’ll introduce you to the ladies. Oh, but first - ditch the salad over there.” He gestured toward a picnic table which was laden with other foods; chips, fruit, cookies, hamburger and hotdog buns, potato salad and the like. Bracken did as instructed, then walked with Warren to the fire pit.

“Hello, ladies and Dale,” Warren greeted. Bracken did not miss the mildly exasperated look which crossed Dale’s face. “This is Bracken. He works at the flower shop across the street from the cafe. Cool guy. Brought a salad to a barbeque, but you know. Whatever.”

“Don’t be mean,” Kendra tutted. She then waved at Bracken and pointed at a spot next to her. “You can sit here.”

“I was just teasing,” Warren said. “He helped get rid of Gavin earlier this week. I did actually mean it when I said he’s a cool guy.”

“Ah, so you’re the man who helped my daughter,” one of the women spoke up. She walked over to Bracken and laid a gentle hand on his forearm. “I’m Marla, Kendra’s mother. Thank you for interfering the other day.”

“It was no trouble,” Bracken replied. He could feel his face heating up a little. “I did what anyone in my position would’ve done.”

“No, honey. Most people probably would’ve just sat back and watched, or recorded the event with their phones. You and Warren really made a difference.”

He wasn’t sure what to say in response, so he went for his usual phrase when he received compliments from strangers or new acquaintances. “Thank you for your kind words. I was happy to help.”

“Come, join us,” Marla invited. “The spot next to Kendra is open. We can chat while we wait for food to be ready.”

Bracken made his way over to the empty space and sat down. Kendra gave him a somewhat weak smile and he gave one back to her, then mumbled, “You okay?”

She nodded her head. “I’ll introduce you to everyone here. To your left is Mara, then Vanessa, my mom, and Dale tells me that you already know each other.”

He waved at everyone and said, “It’s nice to meet you all.”

Mara looked like she didn’t really care whether he was there or not, Vanessa looked at him as though she was trying to gage how much of a threat he was going to be, Marla’s smile was sweet, and Dale gave him a friendly nod. He could deal with Mara’s indifference, but Vanessa’s glaring was uncomfortable to endure.

Warren stepped in and wrapped his arms around Vanessa. “Don’t mind this one,” he said. “Her bark is worse than her bite.”

“I haven’t said anything,” she retorted.

“You’re doing that suspicious sizing up thing you like to do. It’s intimidating,” Warren replied. “Cut the guy some slack. He’s the one who made the good riddance flowers.”

Marla laughed, while Mara and Vanessa seemed to look at him in a slightly different light; Mara seemed perhaps a little more interested, and Vanessa’s glare felt a little less deadly. Maybe.

“That arrangement was perfect,” Marla complimented. “Hilarious. Kendra sent pictures. Did you really fill it with loose glitter?”

“That part was up to her,” Bracken said. “Did you? I didn’t even ask my mother.”

Kendra nodded but didn’t say anything. Warren spoke up instead. “I hope he realized the glitter problem when he was in the middle of his living room, and I hope he never gets it all the way out of the carpet.”

“Agreed,” Marla said.

“I still say it wouldn’t have been a tragedy for him to die,” Mara added.

“I punched him in his face,” Warren said in a defensive tone.

Mara shrugged. “He could’ve died. I’m just saying.”

“Murder might be pressing a bit too far,” Dale stated.

Warren stroked the stubble on his chin. “She’s right. I probably should’ve accidentally pushed him into traffic.”

Bracken noticed that Kendra seemed to shrink into herself a little as the conversation progressed. He tried to think of a way to change the subject, but failed to come up with anything. He needn’t have worried about it, though, because it seemed that someone else had picked up the same memo.

“Ugh. Go play volleyball with Seth and Tanu,” Vanessa said to Warren.

“What did I do?“ Warren whined.

“Seth!” Vanessa shouted. “Come get your cousin!”

Tanu held the ball in his hands and both he and Seth turned their attention to Vanessa.

“Oh, hey, Bracken!” Seth called and waved in a summoning motion. “Come play with us!”

“I told you to grab your cousin,” Vanessa emphasized.

“Warren! Get over here so we can play two on two!” Tanu said.

Vanessa turned toward Warren with what looked like an extremely insincere smile on her face. “Your presence has been requested at the volleyball net.”

Warren rolled his eyes. “Fine, I can tell when I’m not wanted. Bracken, you coming?”

Bracken hesitated before standing up, as he felt concerned for Kendra and wanted to make sure she was doing alright. She looked at him and gave him a soft smile, then waved and pointed to her brother.

“I hope you like volleyball,” she said. “Watch out for Seth. He likes to cheat.”

“I do not!” Seth protested.

Warren leaned closer to Bracken and whispered in a conspiratorial voice, “He really does.” He then pushed Bracken’s shoulder and led him toward the volleyball net.

---

Part 7 is here!

[professorsnape394]

The Potions Master’s Apprentice

Chapter Eleven: A Pining Professor

A/N: This is the eleventh part to my fanfiction ‘The Potions Master’s Apprentice (Severus Snape x OC)’. Chapters 1-16 can be found already uploaded on Wattpad under the same name. Feel free to leave requests in my inbox for anything Snape related you want me to write. Leave a comment below if you wish to be added to my tag list.

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC (Dumbledore’s Granddaughter)

Summary: A talented young witch is employed as an apprentice professor at Hogwarts, but who will she be working under? Severus Snape is not best pleased with his new responsibility of taking on an apprentice, however she is relentless to create a friendship between them. Will she be successful? Or might the friendship just go a little two far? With the eyes of her grandfather constantly watching over them, an attempt at a relationship might not be in the cards for Aria Dumbledore and Severus Snape.

Word Count: 1913

Warnings: n/a

Credits to Gif Creator

"Very well done, Miss Granger." Aria commended as the young Hermione Granger brandished her perfectly completed potion to the class. "Now, who's next?" The professor questioned looking around the room for another student to choose. Her eyes quickly landed on an awkward looking fourth year Gryffindor boy. "How about you, Mr. Longbottom. Care to show us your final potion?"

The boy looked around nervously, attempting to straighten out his disheveled robes, hoping someone would save him from this inevitable embarrassment.

"Erm... I... I don't think I've done it right, Professor Dumbledore." Neville shot a quick, terrified glance in the direction of Severus Snape, who was, as usual hunched over his desk, paying little attention to the classroom full of students.

"Don't look so worried, Neville." Aria replied softly, beckoning the boy to test out his shrinking solution. "Professor Snape and I are not here to judge your abilities, but to guide you in the right direction, allowing you to flourish to your highest potential."

Professor Snape let out a low grunt, looking up from his desk for a brief second, unimpressed by the encouraging words of his apprentice.

Neville Longbottom took a step up to the front of the classroom, a small vial of his potion shaking slightly in his hand. Aria snatched a spare quill from the Potion Masters desk and laid it down in front of Neville waiting to see the results of his concoction. The acid green liquid dripped down onto the feathers, small droplets of the potion pooling together, quickly drowning the quill. The students stood around in silence, waiting for the quill to shrink down into practically nothing. However, instead of shrinking, the potion began to bubble and fizz. Within seconds the bubbles turned into a rabid foaming substance. After a few moments of watching the foam expand, it disappeared completely, the feathers of the quill melting away with it.

Almost as if the whole class had been holding their breath, a large number of students exhaled simultaneously. Neville's face dropped, disheartened by his efforts. "Not to worry, Longbottom, we'll walk you through it one more time, and show you what went wrong."

"I don't think so, Miss Dumbledore." Professor Snape piped up, appearing at the side of  the young woman. "Mr. Longbottom, I want you to write an essay at least 1500 words detailing exactly what went wrong, and how you will re-mediate your efforts in the future. I want this on my desk by tomorrow morning." His sudden appearance dulled the mood Aria had worked to built within the class, instantaneously.

"Yes Sir." The boy retorted, cowering away back to the crowd of students. 

Aria stared at the Professor, stunned at his interference. The pair had come to an agreement where Severus took on the theoretical aspect of the job, teaching the students his methods, while Aria took on the practical aspect, helping the students as they brewed. Severus often stayed quiet during her teaching time, taking nothing to do with the students after he taught them the correct brewing process. He trusted her to lead them in the right direction, after all. However,  today Snape was persistent in making himself known, he felt the need to remind them all of his intimidating, dominant presence, determined to scare the students, into obedience.

"Class dismissed." Snape ordered, the children fleeing from the room before the words had even completely left his mouth.

Just as fast as the room had cleared, Severus made a move to gather the papers from his desk, appearing to be getting ready to leave the classroom, something he never usually done until it was time for the great feast.

"Where are you going?" Aria questioned, closing the gap between herself and the Potions Master, stopping him from wandering off without an explanation.

"To my office to mark the remainder of these essays... in peace." He stated, his tone full of venom. Again, Aria was taken aback by the way the man spoke to her. He had gradually been warming up to her these past few weeks and it had been a long time since he spoke to her with such anger. Considering how the previous evening had panned out, it bothered Aria that he had become so frosty again so quickly, they had made so much progress since their first meeting. And for what? For Severus to just immediately go back to his old ways. Aria wasn't about to let that happen anytime soon.

"What's your problem, Severus?" Aria snapped, getting in between the door and her mentor. "You've been acting like a dick all day. We finally had a nice evening together, both of us doing our own thing, it was nice! But then you ran out suddenly and without reason. And now you're acting even worse than you did before. Did I do something to piss you off? Please tell me!" She ranted, desperate for an answer.

"I'm not quite sure what you think went on last night, but whatever it is, I advise you get it out of your head immediately." He snapped, gradually nearing the exit.

"What are you talking about?" Aria questioned, sincerely confused. "Nothing did happen last night Severus and I'm not acting like it did. What's going on with you, is there something wrong?"

"Don't patronise me, Miss Dumbeldore, I don't need your pity." He seethed, clutching his stack of papers tightly to his chest. "I want to make it abundantly clear to you that we are to maintain a strictly professional relationship from here on out. We are not friends. And we never will be."

Seeing the enraged look grow on his face, Aria gave in, not willing to argue with her mentor any longer.  Stepping away from the door, she allowed Severus to take his leave. The whole conversation had thoroughly confused her, she had thought last night had been nice for the both of them but clearly she was wrong and it just wasn't worth aggravating Severus even more.

From the moment Severus left Aria's room to the minute she walked through his classroom door the next morning Severus had not stopped thinking about the woman he tried so hard to despise. He had not slept, therefore he was even more unpleasant than usual. He was irritable with his coworkers, terrifying to his students, and just flat out mean to Aria. Although his body could not deny that he was attracted to her, a night of constant angry thoughts aimed at himself, quickly formed into a hatred for the woman in a desperate attempt to hide the embarrassment he was feeling not so deep down.

Determined to distance himself from his apprentice, he 'gave her the night off', if you could phrase it that way. Severus shut himself in his office, banning her from joining him while he marked as she so often did. Distracting himself from thoughts of her seemed to be working for him, and in no less than a few hours he was feeling back to his usual self. No thoughts of Aria entering his mind, whether it be thoughts of anger, lust or... Well, lets just say Aria was successfully no longer on his mind.

That was, of course, until a familiar rumble was heard from his stomach and he knew he could not avoid the great feast, though he so wanted to.

Seeing the young woman walk into the Great Hall amongst a crowd of students sent an instant pang into Severus' gut. It was then he knew that no matter how hard he tried to get this woman off his mind and no matter how 'temporarily' successful he was at doing so, there was no way he was ever going to escape how he felt. He could pick her out amongst a crowded room, and the beating of his heart became instantly deafening. This was not an attraction he saw himself being able to easily escape from.

Taking her regular seat at the table in between Severus and Minerva, the two woman got to chatting immediately. Aria kept herself turned away from the potions master, knowing he would not be in the mood to have any type of interaction with her. Snape found himself hurt that Aria kept her back to him, he hated the fact she wasn't trying harder to break him from the mood he had got himself into. Though if she had tried he would not be willing to be broken out of it quite yet.

As the whole hall began to fill with chatter and laughter Severus found himself the only miserable man in the place. He sat through the meal in silence, not talking to anyone, and no one speaking to him. It was on this rare occasion he found himself lonely in the situation he had created to protect himself from emotions exactly like this.

As the feast came to an end Professor Snape was ready to flee from the room, uninterested in anything else it had to offer him.

That was, until, a plump little owl found its way over to Aria Dumbledore and a gasp of glee escaped the two women beside him. His interest piqued, Severus settled back into his chair, focusing in on the conversation of his colleagues.

"Who's it from?" Minerva queried, her eyes having already scanned the contents of the letter.

"Oh it's just some guy I met at the Three Broomsticks. Pretty much saved me from being touched up by an old creep." The witch replied, a small chuckle escaping her lips.

"And he's asked you on a date?" Mcgonagall questioned further.

"No not at all." Aria scoffed. "Its just a few drinks see." She said passing over the parchment to the older woman.

"Sounds like a date to me." Professor McGonagall grinned.

"Its not a date!" Aria screeched in return, though Severus noted a hint of excitement in her voice.

The Potions Master felt his face burn with jealousy, a fiery hot ball growing inside him just waiting to burst out his chest. He hated the thought of seeing Aria out with another man, though he knew he could not be with her either. He was jealous for sure, but there was no way he would ever be willing to commit to her. Not that she could ever feel the same about him, if he did. He did not want her himself, but he also did not want anyone else to have her.

It was then the memory of another letter crossed his mind. Someone else already did have her. According to the letter he came across in her quarters she was in a relationship. And now, as much as she wanted to deny it, this new letter stated she would be going on a date with someone else.

Despite how sweet and innocent this young witch may seem, Severus Snape was beginning to build a picture of who she really was. It was clear to him now that from the moment she arrived at Hogwarts she had been playing him, just like he assumed she was playing these other men. 'She flirts and charms her way into getting everything she wants. Snape thought to himself. After all, she young and extremely attractive. What exactly is stopping her from taking advantage of everyone who falls for her. Well not me.' The thought continued. 'I'm wont be taken advantage of anymore.'

And with that Severus stormed from the room, his opinion of his apprentice having changed completely.

Taglist:

@ayamenimthiriel @lizlil

[snicketstrange]

Rereading The End Chapter 13

Chapter 13: From the moment the Baudelaire teeth bit down on the apple—first Violet's, and then Klaus's, and then Sunny's—the stalks and caps of the Medusoid Mycelium began to shrink, and within moments all traces of the dreaded mushroom had withered away, and the children could breathe clearly and easily. The hybrid apple almost instantly cures the disease caused by the deadly fungus MM. This leads me to the conclusion that Kit's death was unnecessary. Kit could have been saved if the moment Beatrice Jr had her umbilical cord cut, she ate an apple. I don't know why Violet didn't even think about it, even if it didn't work out, I think it would be good for someone to have mentioned the possibility of saving Kit. "Stockpot," Sunny said, and walked to the rack of pots on the ceiling, where the snake helped her take down an enormous metal pot that could hold a great number of apples and in fact had been used to make an enormous vat of applesauce a number of years previously." This passage makes me even more certain that Lemony had read the island book, for how else would he know that precisely that cauldron was the same one that had been used to make a particular dessert years before? Certainly he read the island book and was able to compare information previously written in the book with the new information written by the Baudelaires. "Who was playing the violin in the candlelit restaurant when the Baudelaire parents first laid eyes on one another..." This description bothers me a lot. This seems to indicate that Bertrand and Beatrice met for the first time in a restaurant, however, I believed that one of the people cited by Lemony as B in the VFD school on TBL in Lemony's childhood was Bertrand. But to think that Bertrand Baudelaire first met Beatrice a few years after she met Lemony makes more sense given that Lemony apparently didn't trust Bertrand very much. In ATWQ, the way S. talks to Lemony about Bertrand seems to indicate that Lemony didn't know Bertrand personally or at least wasn't intimate with him. Ish suggests that all islanders leave the island after being poisoned. I always imagined that Ish actually believed he could save everyone by getting to the factory that produced the poison's thinner. But rereading the chapter today, I realized that his plan was to let everyone die. Those people had failed to produce a peaceful community, and he himself had failed as a facilitator. As I said, Olaf had triumphed. Ish apparently acknowledged his defeat. But for some reason, this motivated him to let everyone die except himself. And just as some cult leaders led all the faithful to commit collective suicide by making them believe that this was the way to achieve salvation, Ish also made his faithful commit collective suicide. The deadly MM fungus wouldn't spread across the world, and Ish knew it. He would make sure everyone was dead before they reached shore.  I'm sorry for Friday... Ish has become a child killer. Friday chose to die rather than withdraw from her family's religious sect even though she was smart enough to realize that her decision would result in her own death. Daniel Handler makes the dangerous message in Ish's words very clear: "Your mother is right, Friday," Ishmael said firmly. "You should respect your parent's wishes."  This time it wasn't a suggestion: it was something Ish said Friday should do. Ish didn't want to lose any of his faithful. Ish knew that apples could heal the island people, because he had read about it in the island book. He ate the apple himself to save himself. He really decided to kill the entire colony. And everyone followed him blindly to death. But did they survive through the apple that Ink brought to them? I truly believe Daniel Handler inserted that hope here just to lessen how dark the story was. He left that question unanswered. Lemony Snicket doesn't know if they died or not. But I'm pretty sure Daniel Handler knows they're dead. People refused to eat the apple, even when they were poisoned, even with the arguments of the Baudelaires. Why would they change their minds when a serpent that doesn't speak came to the vessel? Ish didn't want people to eat the apple, he wanted them to die. Do you really think Ish would let one of the islanders eat the apple when the snake arrived? Also, how much time did the islanders have before they passed out from lack of air? The Baudelaires were infected at the same time and had almost no strength... So, in a few minutes the chance of saving the islanders through a single apple brought by a mute animal would become close to zero, considering that the only person who would still be awake and with strength would be Ish himself, who evidently didn't want anyone to eat the apple. Now let's talk about Kit again. "How reliable is Snicket a narrator?" I think this question is asked many times and there are still people who will defend one side or the other of the issue. However now I realized that maybe we were asking the right question about the wrong Snicket. Kit Snicket needs to be re-evaluated with regard to her narration being trustworthy or not. It is true that the certainty of death often makes a person very trustworthy. But there's an important detail about this: Kit wasn't sure she was going to die. Kit believed that survival was possible, precisely because the cure was so close to her. "I hope I'm half as good a mother as yours was, Violet," she said. "You will be," Klaus said. "I don't know," (Kit said)  I believe Kit's plan was to have the baby and then be a good mother to her. Despite that, she also knew she could die. Therefore, as death was not an absolute certainty, total honesty was perhaps not the only option. Now let's get back to what we actually know: 1 - Kit claimed that the Queequeg was attacked. 2 - Fernald went to Hector's mobile home with the object of attacking it and according to Lemony Snicket that's what he did. (See TPP chapter 8)- 3 - According to Olaf, the Carmelite Submarine was stolen by Fernald and Fiona. (See TPP chapter 9 In other words, while Fernald was fighting the Quagmires he had already betrayed Olaf and he had already stolen Olaf's submarine along with Fiona. Come to think of it, realize how unlikely it is that what Kit said was true. She said: "I failed you," Kit Said Sadly, and Coughed. "Quigley Managed to Reach the Self-Sustaining Hot Air Mobile Home, Just as I Hoped He Would, and Helping His Siblings and Hector Catch the Treacherous Eagles in an Enormous Net, while I met Captain Widdershins and his stepchildren." Then there's Quigley's difficult move to self-sustaining hot air mobile home. How did he do it? We don't know... But in the world of asoue amazing things are possible. But after that Kit claims that Captain W was already with his stepchildren. This contradicts Lemony's claim that Fernald was the enemy who had led the eagles to the self-sustaining hot air mobile home. So if Lemony isn't lying, (and I don't see any reason for Lemony to lie about these details when he could have just omitted it) Kit is lying. Fernald wouldn't have stolen the Carmelita along with Fiona, then gone to the self -sustaining hot air mobile home, used the eagles to attack them, then left the eagles there, returned to the submarine, met Captain W, regretted it, found Kit and then abandoned the Carmelita and then went along with Kit to help to the Quagmires. I mean... Is this possible? Yes. But this is very unlikely. Especially since Kit claimed to have been attacked. Did Kit Snicket have reason to lie? I believe so. The reason is that her hypocrisy had been exposed. When she spoke out against the mutiny, two islanders had shown the Baudelaires that she herself was also a violent woman. Now she needed to invent a story to preserve her image. In fact, even if she died there that day, she certainly wanted the Baudelaires to tell her daughter good stories about Kit Snicket. In other words, Kit wanted the Baudelaires to portray her from the best angle. So Kit Snicket lied. She denied having been attacked and taken part in a match against Fernald. If there's any truth to Kit's story, I think it's more likely that Submarine Q detected Submarine C via sonar. (After all, we saw in TGG that this is quite possible). Submarine C attacked Submarine Q. (Submarine C has tentacles that can be used as weapons at short ranges, as we saw in TGG). Kit hurt her feet in this attack, as she claimed to have happened. Fernald was on Submarine C along with Fiona. And the eagles were nearby causing problems for the self-sustaining hot air mobile home, which was right above. Then yes, the house fell on them. Then things can make sense. Both submarine C and submarine Q were hit. And then Fernald and Fiona were seen by Kit for the first time, in the water. I hope several kids also got off the C-sub in time, and Kit didn't mention them to avoid needing to give details about the fight she had with C-sub. "From the depths of the sea a mysterious figure approaching—almost like a question mark, rising out of the water." As we saw in TGG, this question-mark entity had been behind Submarine C for a long time. It was submarine C that attracted her.  An important note: I am not saying that this was Daniel Handler's intention. He probably just got confused by generating these contradictions. I am saying that, given what is written, I think this is the best explanation. "All I heard," she said, "was one of the Quagmires calling Violet's name." That phrase always made me dream. Now I understand that DH's goal was probably to somehow strengthen the love triangle between Ducan, Violet and Quigley. But he did it at such an awkward moment that it made me imagine other, more interesting things. And do you know? I still have a right to imagine. In my headcanon, one of the Quagmires saw a woman inside looking like Violet. And he got confused, thinking she was the girl. And so he asks out loud, "Violet?" to which Kit interpreted that he was screaming for Violet. And that's my big plot Twist from asoue. Beatrice was alive all along, and not even Lemony Snicket knows it. That might not be true, but for me it's the perfect ending. Chapter 13, on the other hand, goes against my selfish desires. It's a chapter devoted to accepting death, and my headcanon is the exact opposite of that. The Baudelaires and Kit mourn the death of the people they loved. And they cry a lot more than all the previous descriptions. I think Daniel Handler abandoned all ideas about the possibility that one of the Baudelaire parents could have survived, although he honestly thought about it at some point. But as I've already explained, Headcanon are valid when the author decides to let the story have a life of its own. But I have to recognize that the story is better if you just accept how the story looks. Death is surprisingly simple. So I don't think the great unknown represents death. I think the great unknown represents the open ending of asoue and uncertainty about the fate of some characters. In the end, it doesn't matter whether the Baudelaires' parents survived or not. The fact is, they never met again in recorded history. Just like they've never met the Quagmires again. All these characters are in the great unknown. And like the publication of the end, the Baudelaires themselves are symbolically in the great unknown, as it doesn't matter whether or not they survived their departure from the island: in the end we won't have access to new official adventures about them. But the beauty of the unknown is that it stimulates the imagination. And it's interesting that in my imagination, Beatrice was already inside the great unknown when one of the Quagmires saw her. So, in my own Headcanon, Beatrice's fate is uncertain. As much as I want to escape from allegories to interpret asoue, the allegory is present even though the entity in the form of a question mark is a physical entity: the name given to the entity and its shape make it a walking allegory, just like the ants are a walking allegory for organization and work. We keep thinking: if it was God who created animals like these, would he want to teach us a lesson? And if Daniel Handler is the god of asoue, did he want to teach a lesson with the question-mark entity? I think the answer is yes in both cases. So, in a universe created by someone's creativity, entities can be both physical entities and allegories at the same time. So, I think that's what TGU is. And I don't see any more problems with that. It is an interesting fact to note that Kit believed her both brothers were dead. In LSTUA we notice that Kit was trying to exonerate Lemony of the Baudelaire arson charge, even though she knew he might already be dead, which may indicate that she believed Lemony could have died in the fire itself. Kit claims that the Baudelaire family and the Snicket family needed to stay away from each other, not just Lemony and Beatrice needed to stay away from each other. These mysterious motives must surely have been detailed in the letter Beatrice wrote to Lemony.  So I don't think the wedding was canceled because Beatrice fell in love with someone else.  I don't think the wedding was definitely canceled because they were life-threatening.  I think there are organizational reasons for the Snickets and the Baudelaires to keep away from each other. Now the scene of Olaf's death. I have to say: what an epic scene! Whether it was Olaf who killed Beatrice and Bertrand we will never know for sure, but he never admitted it even when he believed he would die. He didn't seem to be willing to hide facts at the time. He seemed to me to list the things he managed to do. And Olaf always liked to brag about his murders. So for me the fire was accidental. Oalf bit the apple in order to recover from the MM fungus. He, like Kit and Ish, apparently knew that apples cure the disease caused by the fungus. He at first refused. Had he accepted death? I think so. Now: What was the relationship between Kit and Olaf? Everything indicates that it had been an old relationship. Something like a first love. Olaf did not apologize. He didn't think he was wrong. He wasn't sorry for his villainy. Kit survived for more than an hour, I am sure of it, before Beatrice could be born. A mother's willpower is really impressive. This excerpt below is for me one of the most important: "The Baudelaires would sit together in the two large reading chairs and take turns reading out loud from the book their parents had left behind, and sometimes they would flip to the back of the book, and add a few lines to the history themselves. reading and writing, the siblings found many answers for which they had been looking, although each answer, of course, only brought forth another mystery, as there were many details of the Baudelaires' lives that seemed like a strange, unreadable shape of some great unknown." This is clear proof that the Baudelaires left their own history on the island. Not only did Klaus write about it, but all three Baudelaires did, including Sunny who must have had enough time to learn to write. And Lemony knows they wrote it. I can only conclude that Lemony knows what they wrote, and it is on this basis that Lemony makes a narrative from the Baudelaires' point of view, even including an exact record of what they thought and talked privately. Another evidence that Lemony read this book is seen in the following excerpt: "As the night grew later the ould drop off to sleep, just as their parents did, in the chairs in the secret space beneath the roots of the bitter apple tree." Lemony knew details of what had happened to the Baudelaires' parents, which evidently happened when they were on the island. They themselves had written these events in the same book. Now, regarding the final section of the chapter: "In many ways, the lives of the Baudelaire orphans that year is not unlike my own, now that I have concluded my investigation. Like Violet, like Klaus, and like Sunny, I visit certain grave, and often spend my mornings standing on a brae, staring out at the same sea. It is not the whole story, of course, but it is enough. Under the circumstances, it is the best for which you can hope." I think it's pretty clear that Lemony wrote this passage while he was on the island. Lemony was visiting the same graves as he waited for an opportunity to leave the island. I will still read TBL again. So I know that Lemony wrote the letter to the editor of TBL after he learned of Beatrice Jr.'s existence. After he learned of her existence, Lemony searched for the items cited in TBL. So after that he went to the island and finished writing TE on the island. As I said, it is very likely that at this time the island was already inhabited by very nice people who did not allow apples to be removed from the island.

[pinksra]

Stars Above

Summary: Paz gets jealous and takes his frustrations out on you.

Warnings: smut

A/N: This is definitely something fueled strictly by a three day binge into Mandalorian fanfiction and touch-starvation :) Pls forgive me for the PG smut (which sounds like a paradox but I could do so much more)

You gasped as the man ran his hot tongue down your neck, his body pressing up against yours in the small alcove. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your hands fisting in his hair and tugging slightly. He let out a groan that rumbled against your skin, sending warmth directly to your core. His hand moved down from its spot at your collarbone and stopped to squeeze your hip before lowering down to your thigh and hitching it up over your hip. The position allowed for him to step closer, the bulge in his pants making direct contact with your core. You let out an involuntary moan, arching your back to give him more access. If you had bothered to learn his name, you would have immediately forgotten it as your mind went blank, no room for anything except for the pleasure.

A throat cleared from across the room and your eyes fluttered open. You could clearly see the two mandalorians over the shoulder of the man. They both had their arms crossed over their broad chests, but one seemed more amused while the other seemed positively livid. You grinned at them, but was immediately distracted as the man pulled your other leg up around his waist, leaving you suspended in the air. You couldn’t help but gasp slightly as his hand reached up to thumb over your nipple.

You leaned forward to kiss the man, but he suddenly pulled away completely. You gasped as you hit the floor, your eyes opening in dazed confusion. Towering over you was an armored figure, the man’s neck grasped in his fist.

“Paz!” You gasped out, scrambling to your feet. “Let him go!”

He did as you said, the man dropping to the floor in a breathless heap. You shot a glare towards the furious mandalorian before leaning down to help the man up. Before you could make contact, a gloved hand grabbed you by your arm and dragged you away, leaving the man behind.

“Paz!” You screeched, smacking uselessly at his shoulder pad. “What in the stars do you think you’re doing!”

It wasn’t a question and he knew it, but it was enough for him to pull you to a stop and glare down at you.

“Are you drunk?” He asked, his voice a mixture of disbelief and fury.

You were, but you didn’t like the way he had phrased it and refused to respond. He growled and started to drag you forward again, brushing past his amused friend. Din followed behind the two of us, ignoring your pleading look. Paz finally pulled you out of the bar and the fresh air was like a slap in the face, sobering you a little bit. You stopped fighting and walked alongside the large man next to you. In return he loosened his grip a little bit. It wasn’t until you were aboard the Razor Crest that he said anything else.

“What were you thinking?” He demanded, his voice soft steel. Din took one look at the both of us and grabbed the child before making his way to the cockpit. After the door closed behind him, it was pure silence.

You were still very intoxicated. In fact, you hadn’t thought you had had that much to drink until you were faced with Paz and feeling extremely dizzy. You stared up at his visor, thankful you couldn’t see your own reflection in his helmet like you could Din’s.

“You’re extremely tall.” You told him, reaching out to steady yourself against the wall as you stumbled a little bit.

Paz sighed and leaned forward to grab your arm to lead you to your cot. He was very tense, so you knew he was still very angry with you. The problem was, it was his fault you were even like this to begin with, but you would never let him know that.

Din had let everyone have the night off to enjoy themselves. While you had fully intended on spending more time with Paz (who you had been interested in since the moment he set a foot in your shop on Naboo), Paz seemed more interested in the girl who had immediately latched herself on him when we all arrived at the cantina. So, you drank. And drank. And drank some more until the man who was hitting on you suddenly seemed a bit more attractive than before. You hadn’t protested when he tugged you towards the alcove.

Now, as Paz laid you down on your cot and tugged a blanket up over your shoulder, you regretted it. You realized you had only wanted his attention tonight and now that you were getting it, you hated the way it started.

“Paz…” You murmured, snuggling into the blanket further and yawning a little bit.

He grunted and you knew he was waiting for you to continue.

“Don’t be mad at me.” Your eyes were slowly closing against your will and the words came out slurred. Between the lack of sleep you had gotten the past week as the two mandalorians were hunting their latest quarry and the amount of drinks you had at the cantina, you were about ready to pass out.

“You were very stupid tonight.” He finally said after a pause, his voice coming out strained.

Your anger flared again, opening your eyes as wide as you can to glare at him. He stared down at you and you could basically feel the look of condescension that had to be on his face.

“I am not a child.” You snapped, “I can choose for myself what I want to do on my night off and you have no right to judge me for it.” You paused, trying to hold back your next words, but the alcohol overrode your tongue and you ended up blurting out, “Besides, it’s not like you weren’t enjoying yourself in a similar manner.”

You almost cringed at how jealous that sounded, but you ignored it, turning on your side to face away from him. Paz seemed to want to say something, but he stayed as silent as ever and left you to your thoughts.

You heard him climb up into the cockpit to join Din, their voices slowly mingling together in soothing white noise. You fell asleep to thoughts of a mandalorian in blue beskar.

**

When you woke up the hull was pitch black and the only sound was from someone rustling in the cockpit. Your mouth felt dry and muggy, so you climbed off your cot, making your way to the refresher to clean up. One look in the mirror had you grimacing. Your hair was a mess, your lips swollen, and your eyes dazed. Along one cheek was crease marks from your blanket.

“Stars.” You cursed, reaching up to rub your eyes in exhaustion. No wonder Paz had been so frustrated with your messy ass last night.

After a couple minutes (maybe a little more than a couple), you finally stepped out. You could see a figure across the hull from the light of the refresher, but couldn’t tell who it was. You could also hear little snores coming from the baby’s pram, making you smile. You did love the little thing, no matter how troublesome he could be.

Wide awake, you make your way up the ladder leading to the cockpit. Once inside you make your way to the co-pilot's chair, which you had claimed as yours as soon as you were invited to join the three of them on their travels. You paused for a moment when you realized it was Paz in the pilots seat. Even though you hadn’t been able to tell who it was sleeping in the hull, you had automatically assumed it had been Paz. Din was often awake late into the night making sure the ship was safe.

You sat down when Paz didn’t acknowledge your presence. The alcohol had left your system and you were sober enough to be embarrassed about your behavior last night. However, he was completely silent, as if you weren’t even there, and you took your cues from him. Instead, you looked up and out of the ship, watching as the stars raced by you in hyperspeed. It was a sight you never thought you’d get used to.

You had been born and raised on Naboo. Never left it, either. Stars, you had never even been in a ship until Din and Paz swept you away. In fact, you weren’t even sure why they had taken you with them when they moved on to the next planet. Maybe it was because the kid had taken a liking to you. Maybe it was because you had basic knowledge of healing (but that was often obsolete now because bacta pretty much healed any injury or ailment). No matter what the reason, you were glad they did.

Since beginning your journey with the two mandalorians and the child, you have been on more planets than you could have ever dreamed up, met more people of such different cultures than yours. And, you had become a part of the best little family in the galaxy.

Sitting in the co-pilot’s chair of a ship in the middle of hyperspeed, next to the man you have admittedly been attracted to since the moment you met him (stars, how weird was that? You hadn’t even seen his face), you couldn’t help but be grateful for everything that had led to this moment.

You looked over at Paz, who had still not acknowledged your presence and, suddenly, could no longer bear the silence.

“Are you still mad?” You asked finally.

His helmet turned in your direction, but he still wouldn’t look or talk to you. Frustration and hurt rose in you. You couldn’t understand what you had done that had pissed him off so much. You stood up and moved around to stand directly in front of him. It had been a squeeze, there wasn’t much room to stand in between him and the controls, but you made it work.

“Paz.”

He stubbornly refused to meet your eyes for a minute more, staring at your stomach instead.

“Paz.”

He finally looked up at your face. You felt, rather than saw, his eyes roving over your features. You grew red under his inspection, but held your ground. Suddenly, he reached out and grabbed your hips, pulling until you fell forward. You gasped, reaching out to grab his shoulders to steady yourself. He reached down and grabbed your thighs, curling them around his hips so you were straddling him.

You gasped at the sudden closeness. Stars, this man was huge. Even sitting on his lap, you were just barely face-to-face. Your breath hitched as he trailed his hands from the back of your knees, to the tops of your thighs, his thumbs brushing back and forth. Warmth spread throughout your body, pooling at the apex of your thighs.

“Paz?” You asked, ashamed of how unsteady your voice was.

“You don’t want me to be mad?” He demanded. His hands trailed up your back, finding their way under your shirt. You arched against their cold presence that spread such heat across your skin. “Mad?” He scoffed. “Kriff, seeing you with your legs wrapped around that man, his -- his mouth on your neck? I wasn’t mad, cyar’ika, I was livid.”

You gasped, his hands moving around your body until his bare fingers were brushing the sides of your breasts. You arched into him, your eyes fluttering closed.

“I wanted nothing more than to rip him off your body and throw him to the tusken raiders.” He growled out, cupping your chest in his large hands. You moaned at the contact, your brain short-circuiting. You knew nothing but his touch and his growled words.

“Paz…” You moan out, leaning forward to rest your head on his shoulder.

“And then,” He started. He moved one of his hands down your waist and you whimpered at the loss of contact. The disappointment didn’t last long as he cupped your core, pressing until you let out a gasp. “And then you come in here. You come in here and tell me not to be mad. You come in here and say my name in that sweet, sweet voice of yours that makes me want to stuff my cock in your mouth until you can no longer say a single … damn… thing.”

His word set a fire within you. You ground down on his hand, whimpering when it didn’t give you the relief you so desperately needed. Your hands grasp his shoulders, your nails scratching at his armor.

“Paz … please …” You moan, digging your hips into his lap.

He growled at your words, with one hand thumbing your nipple, and the other pressing against your core. You had never wanted another person more than you did right then. The man’s touch from just hours before did not even come close to comparing how you felt with Paz.

“Paz … “ You whined again. You turned your head towards his neck and dug underneath his cowl until your lips pressed against his skin. His entire body tightened at your touch and a strained moan broke out from beneath his helmet. The sound shot through your body and you were emboldened, knowing he was affected by you as well. You began to lick and suck marks into the side of his neck, your head bumping gently into his helmet.

“Maker, cyar’ika.” Paz mumbled, making you grin against his neck.

Before you could register what was happening, Paz hooked his hands around the back of your thighs and stood up. You gasped at suddenly being in the air, held up by nothing except Paz himself. Before you even processed this, your back was on the floor, Paz hovering over you. He seemed much larger from this angle and you thought to be intimidated by his size until everything went out of your mind as his hips gently bumped into yours. It was only then that you felt his bulge.

Stars, he was huge.

You didn’t know why you were surprised. You knew he was a big man. But somehow, when being faced with more evidence of that fact, you were stunned into silence. Well, not really silence. As soon as Paz bumped into your core again, you let out a moan that practically echoed throughout the cockpit.

“Kriff, mesh’la, you’re eager, aren’t you?” He asked, his voice hoarse. “Listen to you moan. Makes me want more. I want to hear your screams ripping through this ship as I have my face buried in your sweet cunt.”

You gasped, screwing your eyes shut and reaching up to twist your own nipple as he bumped into your hips again.

“I want to have your hair tangled around my fist as you gag on my cock.”

He ground against your core, thrusting slightly to accentuate his words. You gasped, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders, wishing more than anything you didn’t have clothes separating your bodies.

“I want to watch you come around my cock, nothing but those cute little gasps coming out of your mouth.”

“Paz … “ You whimpered, arching off the floor, wishing you could sink into his skin. The stars racing across the sky reflected in his armor, making him feel like he was a part of the galaxy itself.

“Say my name one more time, mesh’la, and I will make it the only word you are physically able to speak for the rest of our ride.” He threatened, a growl in his voice.

That was the tipping point for you. His words, meant as a threat, was the exact thing you wanted - needed - in that very moment. You were going to make sure he kept his damn word. You reached in between the two of you, reaching for his belt buckle, and … nothing.

He wasn’t there and you were so, so cold. Your eyes fluttered open in confusion, only to see him on his feet, towering over you. He was looking down at you, impassive, taking in your rumpled clothes and tangled hair. Taking in his handiwork.

“Din’s up.” He said finally, moving back to the pilot’s chair. “You should go get some more sleep.”

At his words, you finally heard Din moving around in the hall, talking to the baby who responded in coos. Your entire face turned red, hoping they hadn’t heard the two of you. You scrambled to your feet, feeling dazed and confused and on edge. You took one last look towards Paz, who was back to ignoring you completely, before leaving the cockpit.

On your way down the ladder, you bumped into Din at the bottom. You turned even more red, your body on fire between the embarrassment and the … events from the cockpit. Neither of you said anything as you quickly moved past him, running into the refresher to hide.

As you lowered yourself down on the floor, you put your head into your hands, trying to process what just happened. And what didn’t happen. And what you wanted to happen.

Stars.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Satisfied, Part 26

First

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~~~

They snuck through the house. Did they really have to? Probably not. She doubted that anyone would genuinely care if they saw her there. Were they still going to? Of course. It was infinitely more fun that way.

Then, seemingly at random, Jason pushed open a door and gave small bow as she stepped inside.

It was a dojo of some sort. The floors were lined with padded mats. On one wall, rows of dummies were lined up. On the opposite wall, she found a shooting range. The other two walls were ‘decorated’ with different types of weapons and, occasionally, the odd pad.

Jason hummed as he looked around, then rested his hands on his hips. “Right. Shooting range?” He asked.

She bit her lip and looked around. “Actually, I’d like to fight.”

His lips pulled into a slight frown for a second before he nodded. “Do you want to beat up a dummy or me?”

She blinked. “I’m not going to beat you up.”

“I meant with padded armor.”

Her lips formed an ‘o’ shape and she nodded, then considered the question. If he was wearing armor, then at least she could get in some practice on finding/hitting people’s weak spots. On the other hand, she was still injured; she didn’t know if she should push herself like that.

She glanced at him and bit down on the inside of her cheek. Would he notice if she was in pain? Could she do any intensive work? Did she want to risk it?

“I guess it would be fun to beat you up.”

“Ouch,” he said, resting a hand over his heart with a cheeky grin. Still, he started getting into the armor.

She stretched while she waited, closing her eyes. A warm up was important, she just had to make sure not to flex her stomach and sides too much. This didn’t leave her with as many options as she would have liked, though, so she was done pretty quickly.

After a bit of looking around, she pulled on some grappling gloves. She flexed her fingers. “I like these. They’re mine now.”

“Sure, take everything but the katanas and the guns and you’ll be fine.”

She snickered. “Why specifically those?”

“Well, the guns are mine and I would prefer not having to go through the trouble to mod new ones. As for the katanas, those are Damian’s. They’re not special or anything, far as I can tell, but they’re his and you don’t mess with his stuff.”

She raised an eyebrow as they walked back onto the mats. “Is that a sibling thing?”

“Stealing each other’s things? Yeah.”

Marinette grinned. “Well then, I’m going to have to pass on your offer to get adopted. My stuff is my stuff.”

"Don’t worry, you don’t really have anything worth stealing anyways.”

She huffed and gave him a kick in the chest for the express purpose of watching him stumble back a bit. “Rude!”

“But true,” he said calmly, stepping back into position.

She didn’t respond outside of a punch to the face. Which, she supposed, was an answer in itself.

And, so, she worked. She didn’t go as hard on him as she usually would when training, because she needed to make sure she didn’t start bleeding through her shirt (it would be hard to explain), but she still threw a fair few punches and kicks that made him actually move. Occasionally, he would reach out and poke her somewhere to show her she’d dropped her guard.

She was in the middle of a roundhouse kick when he asked what must have been on his mind for a while: “So, why are you mad at them?”

She blinked and her foot passed through clean air, leaving her to spin a bit. She huffed as a hand tapped her back and got back into her fighting stance. “Why do you ask?”

“Figured that, as your older brother, I should know if what they did is murder-worthy or not,” he joked quietly.

She sighed and shook her head slightly. “Fine.” She threw a punch with the word to show her distaste, but still answered: “First one is Chloe. She... she and I didn’t get along from the start. We went through a lot of school together and she bullied me.”

She saw his eyes flare with anger and rolled her eyes.

“It was nothing really bad, don’t worry. And it wasn’t as if I wasn’t rude back at times.”

His shoulders relaxed a little bit, but he didn’t seem any happier about this information.

She threw a particularly high kick at his face and winced as pain raced through her. To make sure he didn’t interpret it badly she stepped back and nursed her hamstring as if she’d pulled it.

He dropped his arms and frowned, stepping forward, only to get poked in the nose.

“Dropped your guard!”

Jason’s eyes narrowed slightly and pat her on the head. “You did, too,” he said.

“Mhmm, but let’s not talk about that.”

He rolled his eyes and brought his hands back up.

She gave him a cheeky grin and got back into a fighting stance herself. “And then, after all that time, she finds out blackmail on me. Literally the biggest blackmail she could find. And she didn’t use it. She didn’t even threaten it.”

“Everyone has morals of some kind, what’s so good about it?”

Marinette shook her head slightly and gave him a quick kick in the shin. “You didn’t see her. She’s been helping me out a lot since. She didn’t even need to, and she went to a lot of trouble to help me.”

He nodded thoughtfully.

“And the other person?”

She hesitated to think up a name for Robin, but then figured she might be able to get away with just not using one. “Right. He stole a win right out from under me. Cheated a bit, too,” she explained.

“And why are you thinking he’s a good person now?”

She thought of how to phrase it without looking like she was hiding too much. “We saw each other recently and he didn’t recognize me. And he was so... sweet?”

A sigh slipped from between her lips. Her hands fell to her sides.

“But even when they’re nice and all... I still can’t be nice back. Not really. I can do little things in short bursts... but it’s all fake and I just can’t seem to get over it! Chloe hasn’t done anything in years and R--Roy hasn’t done anything too bad since but I can’t...” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t know how to keep going. He seemed to understand, though.

She laid back on the ground, resting her hands over her eyes. She heard a dull thud as dropped down next to her. They were quiet for a long time.

Jason was the one to break the silence: “So, do you think there’s a link between the two for why you can’t get over it?”

She mulled this over for a bit. She came to an answer and sunk into the mat a little bit. “Me?”

He sighed. “No. Okay, yes, technically, but I don’t think that’s it.”

She dropped a hand and looked at him out of the corner of her eyes. “Then what?”

“Well... think of it this way: anger is a secondary emotion, right?”

“Secondary...?”

“Basically, anger is a completely different emotion that's boiled over. Usually sadness, but sometimes other things.”

She rolled her eyes. “So there’s some secret emotion I’m feeling underneath?”

He gave a short nod. “My personal guess is that they make you feel weak or inferior.”

“But I’m not.”

“I know that,” he said gently. “But from what you were describing... the first person bullied you, right? You said you fought back a little bit, but it sounds like you got a lot more than you dished out.”

She frowned. “I didn’t want to stoop to her level. The only reason I fought back at all was because of a friend I had at the time.”

He nodded. “Okay, sure. Then there’s a person that actively undermined you. You say he ‘stole your win’ but that’s not really much to be bitter about. Sure, it sucks, but you’re holding way more of a grudge than you should.”

She rested her hands on her stomach and stared at the ceiling. Maybe. But...

“But most damning,” he began, pulling her attention back to him, “is that you’re fighting while clearly injured.”

Marinette cursed in French. So he had noticed. She bit down on the inside of her cheek.

“So, yeah, that’s what my best guess is for why you can’t just ‘get over it’.”

She thought this over for a bit, before sighing. “And what do I do about it?”

“For now I’d apologize, explain that you’re working on yourself, and warn them that you might end up snapping at them in the meantime. If they’re actually good people, they’d understand, right?” He reached over and poked her cheek. “And you need to raise your self esteem if you want to really get over the problem.”

She gave him a tiny smile. “You seem to know a lot about this.”

“I suppose my therapist would have to come in handy at some point.”

She was stunned into silence. He certainly seemed the type to need a therapist, but he didn’t seem the type to actually get one.

He laughed at the look on her face. “Yeah, Bruce makes it mandatory for all his kids. Us and our friends usually end up held for ransom from time to time. It’s good to have someone on call.”

Marinette nodded. That made sense. She bit the inside of her cheek. So, she needed to work on herself and apologize.

She pulled out her phone.

~~~

This took forever to write out and I still don’t know if I got the point across well enough so like fuck --

~

Taglist

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<3

[goblinconceivable]

braindump: betty/daniel

I’ve been living with them for a while, notes taken, a few stories significantly started but there’s a gelling issue, which I’m hoping is at least partially down to a lack of proper braindumping.  So, in no particular order and certainly not comprehensive:

Frankly I also got too hooked on the last 2 eps, which is likely where I’m blocked.  It’s an abrupt emotional twist for them (esp Daniel), and in trying to make sense of that I’m losing focus on the 4 previous years.

- I’m a little bit obsessed in the scene where Betty tries to convince Matt she’s fearless by pointing out her bang-less-ness.  And then runs into Daniel, who is at that moment half brain-washed, but yet when she asks about her fearless quotient his response is immediate and natural and entirely lacking in irony: “no bangs.”  It’s a tiny little moment that shows how well he not only knows her, but understands her.  Without judgment, without fanfare.  Were I to have a husband, this is the sort of response that would confirm I’d married the absolute perfect guy for me.

- They’re too close for mirroring to be an important indicator, but there are two scenes that stand out in this vein: the first is when Betty thinks he may have pushed Christina down the stares and steals the video.  She’s backing out the door, and he follows, matching her step for step.  I love the direction choices because from her perspective there’s a sense of menace, Daniel as potential villain is stalking her.  But from his guileless perspective he’s talking to her and if she’s moving, so is he.  The second is from the penultimate, talking about Trista, where Betty’s rolling back and forth and he moves with her, rather than simply turning his head.  It signals his full engagement in the conversation, seeking her attention, and is why the scene plays as flirting rather than their normal banter.

- That bulletpoint was getting a bit long, so second point on the flirting is that it plays against Betty shutting down the conversation “none of my business,” leading to the fight over involvement in each other’s personal lives, leading to the revelation that they know each other at that deep personal level so very, very well.  Which was a very clumsy leadup to Daniel’s revelation during Hilda’s wedding speech, that could have been handled so much more deftly but those last two eps were quite rushed, I don’t know when they found out about the shortened season but it feels like they’d planned for more space and had to jab in exposition.

- Becaaaaause: they narratively broke his ‘aha’ moment onto “know you better than you do” while the strength of the message is really in the “do anything to protect them.”  Which is, I believe, where they cut to his softened expression.  Not coincidentally, this is precisely what a lot of fan-readings of the characters focus on: Daniel will do anything to protect Betty.  Bobby might have said he’d throw himself under a bus for Hilda, but Daniel HAS done that for Betty- in fact literally doing so would probably have been easier than publicly shouldering the blame for the Tornado cover and giving away the profits.  Due to the fact that he had time to consider the consequences and did it anyway.

- Which is tidy segue into an admission that I’m flying mostly blind on the Molly arc because I basically skipped all her scenes, but it’s my understanding that Daniel doing this was a pivotal moment for them.  Ie, she was impressed that he did this thing.  I mean, I really appreciate that he spent the whole press conference scene looking for Betty, so the show in no way undercut their relationship.  But then they very clearly built the Molly relationship on the foundation of not only the man Daniel had become due to Betty, but choices he was making in large measure for Betty: it’s not that he saw Betty beaten down and resolved the situation: he was upset but lost, she yelled at him, and THEN he resolved the situation by taking the bullet.  Did I break grammar by ending up with two colon’d clauses in the same sentence?  It’s a braindump, ain’t gotta be pretty.  XP

- Quick sidebar that the same thing happens with Alexis.  She was expecting to come back to one brother, but then listens in on his pep talk with Betty and finds she’s returned to a different brother.  This may be where I got the “an assistant” phrasing, if so, my bad.  But basically, she was impressed with Daniel’s actions, not understanding that it was Betty specifically inspiring his actions.

- Follow that a step further and did Molly ever acknowledge how important Betty is to him?  Legit question.  I think her line here was about him doing it “for an assistant” (?) rather than even “his assistant,” establishing Betty as a non-entity for her.  (Quoting a summary but I think I’m in the ballpark.)  And I’m sure I’d have read about it somewhere if she brought Betty up during their discussion on who he’d date when she was dead.

- Just one last note on Molly, (okay it’s a multi-part though it veers off her as a character) but a possibly incorrect beef is that I hate the Daniel/Molly relationship because there’s no interesting or even real conflict?  It’s perfect?  I’m supposed to think this is magical “true love”?  Molly has apparently been engaged for years to a man she doesn’t really love (and um... that’s lazy not strong), and helps inspire a vengeance filled betrayal by her ex because she’s so awesome everyone loves her?  But she comes out squeaky clean because any emotional cheating on her part is balanced and thus “justified” by Connor falling for Wilhemina.  And then the only “conflict” is that she’s dying, and is perfect throughout it?  That’s...  weak.

-That poem thing WOULD have been an interesting point of conflict but it was resolved by Betty’s intervention, rather than within the relationship.  Which actually is an incredibly interesting beat.  The problem with that being it’s so entirely consistent with the role Betty plays in Daniel’s life that it’s treated as just another beat, as if it doesn’t MATTER that a fundamental moment of intimacy and growth of vulnerability in Daniel’s very important romantic relationship is a door opened by a third party.  There’s a strong argument to be made for something but I broke off to write the next point and now can’t remember what that strong argument is.  I might remember later.  It may have had something to do with Molly being a stepping stone in Daniel’s arc, but the cult-thing was so long and dominating that it didn’t work, it tied him too tightly for too long and coinciding with a loosening of his relationship with Betty there was flailing.

- Quick one: Daniel’s fast-forwarded and time-bounded relationship with Molly is the analog to Betty’s time-limited relationship with Henry.  Which is a discussion I would like Daniel and Betty to have.  Esp. noting that Betty and Henry had issues they worked through together (ice cream foreplay being one.)

- Player!  So going back to a happy place, when Betty’s on the phone trying to fix the apartment situation and the camera pans onto Daniel just leaning against the doorway: this may be a legitimate little moment of “squee!”  There’s so much denial in his laid back attitude at Player, but I still love watching how the informality of the environment reflects in the informality with Betty.  He gives her free reign, and there’s many answers to “why,” and I (almost) don’t want to go into them because I totally adore how this Daniel is basically a College!Daniel only he’s latched onto Betty, who, meanwhile, is just being Betty.  OMG how different his life would have been if he’d met Betty in college...

- Okay I actually don’t feel like going into whys, it’s just an arc to enjoy.  With a small mention of how he TOTALLY was playing with the MODE book and handed it to Betty knowing she’d understand and use it to get them back in.  Such a crazy subtle manipulation, to the point where I’m not sure it wasn’t almost entirely subconscious on Daniel’s part.

- The YETI recommendation letter.  What I love is that this is another time when Daniel fvcks up, but fixes it, and more importantly displays competence and ingenuity alongside authentic caring and effort.  Here’s the thing: YETI wanted Betty, even if it was just a quota thing (which it wasn’t entirely, at least one of the board was generally enthused.)  So all that was necessary was to have them re-label her as from Player.  Daniel knew this and did this.  And told Betty that.  BUUUUT that point was purposefully (by script and character) overshadowed by the gesture of the lengthy rec letter he put significant time into.  Whose real audience was... wait for it...  Betty.  He even did a second draft!  Which is more time and effort and a cleaner product.

-  Also flaking on her practice run.  I also enjoy how he (finally...) bounced back into the office clearly having forgotten her schedule, but having mentally shifted from Molly-space into Betty-space.  He’s enthused, he’s engaged, he’s sort of bantering and I’d like to see where that scene would have gone if she hadn’t immediately gotten the acceptance call.

- So there’s this moment somewhat early on, pretty sure when Betty’s taking the writing class, and wants Daniel to give her feedback.  And he’s all “why?,” coming from his “I don’t actually know what I’m doing” place.  She responds that he’s her friend and wants to know what he thinks.  And he does a little double-take at that word.  Because until that point Daniel totally sees Betty as HIS Friend, and they’ve referred to each other as friends, with a little “f,” and he believes that.  But it wasn’t until this moment that he even considered that HE might be HER Friend.  Presumably because he doesn’t believe he has anything to offer her, beyond the power he holds as EIC and her boss - ie, “here run this show” and other such responsibilities.

- Which is a recurring theme.  Pronounced on relationship stuff especially.  When she asks him for input on the Henry vs Gio situation, when she’s trying to date the playwright.  His response is always “I’m in no position to offer relationship advice/judgment on relationships.”  He sorta dodges the first and is permissive on the second.  I don’t know where to go with that so I’ll leave it (for now).

- When  he was supposed to be in Rio, Betty wasn’t even at MODE, she was working for the “enemy,” and he was sending her regular postcards?  First, they’d have been postmarked in New York and presumably with local stamps, so I’m not 100% on Betty not cottoning on.  But it’s super cute that he was thinking of her when he was incommunicado with literally everyone else.  Did he want her to figure it out (subconsciously)?  It’s an act of reaching out, but also of convincing: he’s created a fictional narrative of being in Rio, fed and embellished by the media and swallowed by coworkers, but it’s through Betty that he’s establishing the fiction in a definitive way.  He wants HER to believe it, because if SHE believes he’s there and having a good time, then he can believe it too, with a small piece of his imagination.

- Same convincing as in Player.  BTW, how did all those messages on her phone work?  He was 99% totally hiding the situation from her.  a) why wouldn’t he just call her from his phone, as he always did in the past?  b) he was creating another fictional space.  Where her “number” was literally on a post-it on his temporary assistant’s monitor.  It’s all play: “call Betty” happens many times, and every one is the act of doing it while knowing that he’s not really doing it.  c) Betty does not point out that he should have been confused he never heard back, or more to the point, that he never heard her voicemail message.  d) he was in a state of limbo waiting for her to come back, nothing is real until she does.  At which point there’s lovely dramatic tension since he both wants her to fix it and get them out of there, and wants to draw her into this new reality and thus make it feel viable.

- 100th Anniversary edition.  I love the idea that he’s hep on her writing his bio because he needs her name, at least, to be next to his.  His identity as EIC is predicated on her being his partner, and needs that shown, even if it’s functionally an “in joke” because it’s not like she can be featured.  In musing over his thoughts while flipping through the book right before deciding to quit, I usually come back to a realization of the transience of the role, but I want it to be a gutpunch of how he assumed, without being aware, that Betty would be next to him in picture, and that’s what they were heading for.

- I’ve actually got through most of my notes, so just a couple more.  Daniel is super impressionable.  He did what Becks told him to in the pilot.  He did what Natalie told him in the cult-situation.  Both against his better judgment - his look after Betty when he kicked her out for being “drama he didn’t need” - that’s the same look when he told her to clock out and was dragged off by the not-16-year-old.  I’m too tired to go check the pilot, but assuming similar look there.  He does what he’s told by anyone telling him to do something, but he WANTS to be rescued from the bad influences, who are so often so forceful.

- Final scene: okay so it turns out quick a lot of my thoughts are trying to understand Daniel.  His growth is blatant and deep.  So a second round will be more Betty-focused.  ‘Cuz I identify strongly with her and don’t have a lot of surface questions about her motivations, but I’m LOST on side of the romantic coin.  And plus she deserves a close look regarding how she grows during the series.

- I watched at least part of the reunion and very much like how AF answered the question of the final scene versus what EM says.  Because I think they each, as actors, see it from the perspective of their characters, which means it was played authentically and grants insight.  AF basically says that she saw it as Daniel coming to say thank you, and how it came down to Betty teaching him that he was good enough.  Which came across a little funny because her phrasing implied they’d never talk or see each other again or something and that’s an alarming finality.  But also implies that Betty really did see moving to London as a significant parting of ways, something that started as soon as she became an editor and their relationship changed.  Probably before.

- She then challenged EM as to why Daniel didn’t say goodbye (as if she didn’t know and hadn’t thought about it?  I’m guessing this was panel performance: asking the question “in character” and throwing the question to the other relevant actor.)  But anyway, EM’s answer was “Because things were just starting.”  Which is blatantly a shippy answer, and he even explains Daniel’s “revelation” as when he “really saw Betty for the first time through and through.”

- At some point in these things you’re like: oh but I thought of something else, and only stop when your brain falls asleep.

- I thought of something else.  And then I forgot it.  My brain is failing!  But not yet failed.

- After Betty gets her braces off there’s this scene near the end, at the shoot.  Daniel sees her and crosses quite purposefully to talk with her.  He wants to banter and share this exciting moment with her.  And the scene goes a little strange when Betty kinda goes “yeah, going now bye.”  I expected more eye contact, a big smile, more conversation.  That’s Betty.  That’s them.  But instead it’s a little awkward so Something Is Happening Here.  Is she self-conscious?  Did she see and hear something in Daniel’s look and comment right after she was detached from the bra and isn’t at this moment comfortable with him?  Is this all fallout from her dream in which she and Daniel slept together/he thought she was a bad person/rejected her only they chose not to explicate this/cut a useful scene/thought I’d get that right away but I’m obtuse?  I don’t think it’s the last one because while I can be horribly obtuse, I don’t think it was coded.  But that’s what the obtuse would say.

- At any rate they don’t pick up on it again, next scene (next ep) they’re back to normal.

- But Daniel does immediately chase after Amanda and let go of her.  Which is payoff for his convo with Betty earlier where she sort of disdainfully asks if he WANTS a more serious relationship with Amanda.  I did sort of wonder if he actually does, but Betty’s judgmentalness is what convinces him he doesn’t.  Usually I’d say Betty understands him so well she knows he doesn’t, but they’re not as close at this point, Betty is living her own life much more, so I dunno.

- But I don’t actually think Daniel was falling for Amanda, or that the show wanted us to think that was ultimately a viable path.  Because of that moment when he’s in a car, calls Amanda, says “I really need to see  you” and she turns him down.  It parallels his text to Betty when Molly died.  One text and Betty came over.  This was an actual distressed voice convo and Amanda doesn’t care enough about him to be there, which is really great development for Amanda even though we don’t see her!  She previously went after Matt when he was in jail, she’s interested in Tyler here, she’s not totally pining for Daniel!

- Daniel of course was using Amanda and their earned if mild emotional intimacy as a crutch, trying to fill the space Betty left.  Also note when Amanda turned him down for sex and he stayed to “hang out,” - this is not supposed to be an analysis of Amanda but I wanna note I like that moment because it felt like she was pleased to think she wasn’t just sex to him, while still being over him romantically. Because she does care about him.

- Or for pete’s...  I have this bad habit of writing notes which I later look at and am like... “huh?”  This is a fic idea, from Daniel’s POV: “Betty had moulded him, often by sheer force of her iron will, into being a man who almost deserved Molly.  And he'd turned right around and become a man who would never deserve Betty.”  And I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT THE SECOND HALF MEANS.  Specifically.

- Wedding dancing.  Happens twice.  Hilda’s wedding, we know what that is.  But at Daniel’s wedding.  I like that he wasn’t 100% Molly focused, ‘cuz, shipper.  And I know why the show had Matt cut in, because gotta keep things moving.  But isn’t it a thing that you don’t cut in on the groom/bride?  It’s their day.  Daniel just sort of nonverbally asks Betty if it’s okay (to leave her with Matt), but can’t help a) thinking he was a bit put out and b) want Molly to see his expression looking at Betty and have some sort of “aha” moment where she - do Molly and Betty have any scenes together?  I don’t remember seeing any and I think I did skim through all the eps, but I need to do that again.

- Ooh, one of the things I forgot en route!  I like that Betty has revolving love interests, because that’s textual argument for Betty never having feelings (romantic) for Daniel.  Which is super, super important in this iteration of the story.  There’s a couple moments - pilot and the first bridge scene - where she arguably has a momentary crush, which quickly settles into a developing platonic relationship.  

- Jump back to Daniel finally seeing Betty as a true equal = romantic feelings.  It’s a thing.  Look my brain is deteriorting and wording is hard!  So there’s two sided imbalance throughout.  Daniel always saw Betty with this veneer of youth, and a great deal of his use for her is helping her “grow into the woman she’ll be.”  And that’s the roadblock in him seeing her as a romantic possibility.  Which was initially quite awesome because he was sleeping with people younger than her, even the “she’s actually 20″ girl was younger than Betty.  And yet always saw her as in many ways more mature and competent than her.  And double-yet he still saw how much further she could, and would, grow.  His belief in her knows no bounds.

- Meanwhile Betty sees him as...  someone who’s also becoming.  Who has great potential.  Bullying him into it if necessary.  And because he’s guided by her, she can’t crush on him, he’s like her pet.  Were she to have a crush, much less fall for him, it would have been horrifying.  She needs to have a moment when she sees him as a true equal, someone who - look, everyone is always still growing so it’s not like he needs to be fully formed, and it’s a little murkier what the moment would look like when she finally sees Daniel “for the first time.”

- ‘cuz as noted, Betty has been there for pretty much every important moment of growth and crossroads in every facet of Daniel’s life.  Whereas Betty consistently had many things and relationships in her life Daniel was not involved in.  She’s always been way more self-reliant (not the word I wanted, is there one that starts with c?)  It’s why they did sort of need to peel away through a chunk of S4, because Daniel needed to learn to cope without Betty propping him up, because it’s like a Miranda-thing:

- “I don’t need Gary.  But I want him.”

- Daniel has to be able to be find without Betty before Betty can see him as a viable romantic partner.  She has to see something she never has before.  Daniel saw that the seedling he’d been protecting was not only strong enough to survive on its own had grown up and bloomed (process begun early in the season when he was being overprotective and she shut that down).  For Betty...  I guess Daniel...  ...  .....  it didn’t happen in the show.  As EM noted, for Daniel, the ending was the beginning.  Because his moment isn’t leaving MODE, that’s just the corresponding moment to Betty shaking him off.  His moment is further down the road when he puts into practice everything he’s learned and ...  something answered in fanfic because it’s spec and I’m tuckered.

[wedreamedlove]

[FIC] Golden Wheat

Rating: M Characters: Xu Mo/Reader Word Count: 4388

Tags: Lime. Fluff. Minor angst. Established Relationship.

Notes: He’s 29 years old, if we’re counting from when this game was released in China! (I have to make myself feel better about my own aging LOL).

Summary: Sometimes a special day doesn't need anything special, simply being together with someone important to you is enough.

"Mhm, I just got off work and I'll be coming home after making a quick detour. I'll only be 10, maybe 15, minutes later than usual."

You tell Xu Mo this through the phone while weaving around people on the sidewalk, heading for a bakery which was just across the street from you.

"Huh? Oh no, you don't need to come pick me up. Seriously, I'll be home before you—ah!" You jerk to a stop before you step out into the road when a car comes to a screeching stop right before the crosswalk, blaring its horns at you.

Excuse me? The walking sign is clearly on and flashing, so you have the right of way! Was the driver trying to run a red light?!

You give them the stink eye and then cross the street quickly, this time after checking to make sure no other cars are going to try and break the law, before picking up your conversation on the phone again.

"Hello? Sorry about that. Anyway, like I said, I'll be back before you know it. Just relax and wait at home!"

You don't hear a response after your words though so you bring the phone down only to see that the screen is completely black. Did your phone die!? But it was clearly at 20% battery the last time you checked... You know you should have replaced this old phone with a new one, but work has been so busy lately that the matter keeps slipping your mind.

Hopefully, Xu Mo got most of your message though. You speed up your steps just in case and head into the bakery to get the birthday cake you ordered in advance. You and him planned to take a trip to celebrate his birthday and, unlike the first celebration, you're determined to make sure this cake survives its journey to him.

~~~

Of course, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Who knew you would end up waiting in line forever just because a customer decided to argue with the counter clerk. It gets to the point where you contemplate stepping in to save the poor employee who is being berated, but fortunately a manager appears to handle the irate customer.

After that whole situation is resolved though, there's an issue with your custom order in their electronic records and the employees have to spend a good chunk of time manually finding your order in the back of the store.

By the time you leave the bakery, you decide to hop into a taxi to get home instead of taking the subway, thinking that will be quicker, but it's peak rush hour now and you end up getting stuck in the traffic of everyone else trying to go home.

Your estimated 10 to 15 minutes of being home later than expected becomes an hour and a half. You also have no easy way of contacting Xu Mo to let him know. For a second, you think about asking to borrow the taxi driver's phone, but decide that will be too much of a hassle.

You just know Xu Mo is going to give you that helpless smile of his, tinged with exasperated affection, when you get home and tell him all about your Herculean journey today.

Finally, the taxi brings you to the small neighborhood where you are living with Xu Mo and you quickly pay the fare before jogging through the small path between the trees to the house and the man you know is waiting at the end.

You lift your eyes up automatically, straining to see a familiar silhouette on the veranda where he will often lean against the rails to catch sight of you whenever you return home later than him. However, you don't see any figure on the veranda. The lights of the house are on, so you know he must be at home. But you don't see him.

Just as your eyebrows start to furrow, you hear the gravel ahead of you crunch and shift and your line of sight drops down to see Xu Mo appear on the road home.

Oh. He must have been unable to wait for you and came down to personally welcome you home instead. Fondness and amusement wells up in you and you get the urge to tease him for his impatience.

"Xu—" You start to say his name, but then you find yourself pulled into a crushing embrace. Caught off guard, the cake box tumbles out of your hands and onto the ground between you two.

"You're home."

His voice is hoarse and the freezing cold fingertips that brush against you, when he curls a hand around the back of your head to hold you closer to him, gives you a shock. How long has he been standing out here waiting for you?

You can feel his throat move beside your ear, Adam's apple bobbing, as if there are too many things he wants to say but he doesn't know where to start and so he can only swallow the words down. It's so unusual for your professor that your hands hover in the air, not sure what has come over him, before you finally return his embrace.

A tremor runs through him at your touch.

"I'm back."

"... You were gone for much longer than 15 minutes later than usual."

There was an angry customer in the bakery. The shop had problems. The taxi got caught in traffic. My phone died. These phrases appear in your head but they all sound like excuses even though there is no censure in his voice.

"I'm sorry," you say instead, feeling contrite as you realize he was genuinely worried, "I should have let you know somehow."

His silent laugh stirs your hair. "I'm not blaming you, but hm... maybe you do need to pay a price for lying."

It's your turn to laugh against him and the weight in your chest disappears when you hear him slyly trying to get a benefit. If he can tease you like this, then whatever emotions that had prepossessed him earlier are now gone.

"Alright, name your price." You place yourself in his hands without hesitation, curious as to what he'll ask for.

"Let's cancel the trip tomorrow."

However, you weren't expecting him to say this. You blink and then reflexively step back to be able to see his face. Xu Mo lets go, giving you this space, and watches you with a calm expression.

You can't read anything in those quiet and dark eyes, but it's extremely rare for him to openly go against something he knows you've been looking forward to, especially when the purpose of this trip is to celebrate his birthday. You don't refuse him though. You can't and never have whenever he voices his wants.

"Okay, we don't have to go. It'll be your birthday after all, so whatever you say goes." You smile brightly to let him know you really don't mind.

"Thank you." His expression softens, eyes suffusing with tenderness, and then he bends down to pick up the fallen cake box in one hand before reaching out with his other to grab yours. His slender fingers slide in between your fingers and your hands press together, palms flush with each other. "Let's go in before you catch a cold."

"You're one to talk," you reply, squeezing his cool hand in emphasis before you place your free hand on top of his and yours and try to rub some of your warmth into him.

He leads you on the short path home and you swing your joined hands lightly as you tell him all about your day. When you get to the part about the cake, the two of you are already through the front door and you cast a look at the box in his hand, which he's placing on the small entryway table, and sigh as you take off your shoes.

"I'm a bit scared to open the box and see what happened to that poor cake after its fall. Hey, how come there's always cake casualties on your birthday?"

You raise your head up to look at him only to feel something warm press against your mouth.

Xu Mo takes advantage of your surprise to deepen the kiss. Despite the chill that lingers in his hands when he cups your face and in the tip of his nose when he tilts his head, skimming it against your cheek, his tongue is burning hot. His need for you is consuming, completely at odds to the calm appearance he had earlier, and you find yourself falling.

No, you really do stumble, breaking the kiss when your legs go weak and you barely manage to clutch onto his shirt in time before you slide down to the ground.

This doesn't even faze Xu Mo though, who lowers his head to follow you and catches the rim of your ear between his lips. His breathing echoes the pounding of your heart and then you feel him drop his hands from your face to loop an arm around your waist and the other below your backside before he lifts you up.

"Xu Mo!" You startle when you suddenly find yourself weightless and entirely in his arms. You grab onto his shoulders instinctively to balance yourself. "Wait—"

But with your faces at the same level, he kisses you again. You dimly feel him press you against the wall of the foyer before the white-hot surges of pleasure muddles your mind and completely drowns out your thoughts.

You're breathless by the time the kiss ends. Still, somehow you manage to gasp out, "The cake..."

Shouldn't it be checked to see if anything can be saved and put in the fridge? Or if not, thrown away?

"We'll make another one together tomorrow," his voice is low when he responds.

It takes you a second to understand him, because that wasn't what you were asking. He doesn't give you a chance to clarify though as he seals your mouth with his again and takes away your ability to think. His tongue sweeps across the sensitive spots in your mouth, making your toes curl and your legs clench around him, before he turns his head to the side to place open-mouthed kisses along your jaw and neck.

Ragged breathing resounds in the space between you two and you can't tell whether it belongs to him or you anymore. But every time his breath brushes against you, it leaves a streak of damp heat and you dig your hands into his shoulders, head falling to one side as his lips slide down your neck.

"May I take you to bed?"

The words are mouthed against your fluttering pulse more than they're said out loud and then he pauses his assault on your senses, waiting to hear your answer. His breathing is heavy and you can feel the tension in his muscles underneath your hands, like his entire body is as taut as a bowstring, but he holds you steadily and patiently.

Your cheeks flush with heat at the direct question but you still nod in permission and then lean forward, shifting your arms so you can wrap them around his back, to hide your face in his neck. When you do, the comforting and familiar scent of grasslands fills your nose.

Xu Mo's arm around your waist tightens for a second before he carries you effortlessly into the bedroom where he sets you down gently onto the bed and then leans forward to cover you, settling a knee in between your legs.

But, having unclasped your arms from him when he put you down, you press a hand lightly against his chest, making him pause. You flick your eyes to the light switch in the room and then back to him.

Xu Mo takes in your red face and appears to understand your insinuation but, much to your surprise, he doesn't grant your wish and instead says, "Let's leave the lights on tonight."

If it's possible to turn any redder, you're pretty sure you're doing it right now. You want to protest but the words catch on your lips when you look at him and realize he's not teasing you.

There is enough light in the room to see his subdued expression clearly but it also casts a shadow at the edge of his features and—maybe this is just a trick of the light—there seems to be a layer of fragility around him. Beside the bed and him is the full length window that faces the trees in the back, with its curtains partially drawn right now, but the sliver of darkness you can see suddenly strikes you with an irrational thought. If the lights were to be turned off right now then would Xu Mo vanish into the darkness? Would the shadows around his edges spread like a drop of ink in water and consume him?

Before you know it, you loop your arms around his neck and pull him down into you, not wanting there to be any space between you two, and he comes to you without resistance, catching your mouth with his.

The lights in the house remain on long into the night.

~~~

You wake up slowly to fingers playing with the bangs on your forehead and the occasional brush of those fingertips against your skin is gentle.

You breathe in deeply, filling your chest with the smell of damp meadow and something cool like mint, before you open your eyes and, as expected, see Xu Mo sitting beside you above the covers in a short robe. He's reading something on his tablet, glasses perched on his nose, but he looks over the moment you stir.

"Good morning," you say, but your own scratchy voice shocks you. You clear your throat, eyes wide, and there's an amused smile on Xu Mo's lips as he exchanges his tablet with a glass of water from the side table and helps you sit up before handing it to you.

"It'd be more correct to say good afternoon."

"Huh!? Why didn't you wake me? We're going to be late!" You barely avoid choking and spilling the water on your pajamas when you hear the time. How can you two get on the train in time if it's already the afternoon?!

"Silly, we canceled our trip. Remember?"

"O-oh, right."

"I also thought it'd be better for you to sleep more. I'm afraid I asked a little too much from you last night," Xu Mo says apologetically, smoothing your bed hair with a hand, before he takes your empty glass to put it aside.

You blink at him and it takes a good second for you to register his words. Then the memories of last night come flooding into your brain.

A creaking bed.

The damp heat that presses against your back.

Bunched up sheets clutched and shifting beneath your hands.

Hot and heavy breaths echoing beside your ear.

Pleasure peaking and taking you under, but just as you sink down he starts to move again, bringing another thundering crest of passion.

Your breathless and weak voice begging for mercy.

A hoarse plea in response, "Stay with me a while longer. Just a while longer."

Ravishment swirling with ecstasy mixed with intensity until you're drowning in an ocean of fervor...

You don't remember anything else concrete. Just flashes of other images and sensations like his hand entwined with yours. The... variety of positions. But now you understand why your body aches all over and why your throat was so dry just now.

Immediately, your face feels like it's on fire and you squawk before diving under the covers. You hear him laugh from beside you, making you reach out to blindly smack at his hip.

He catches your hand in his though and kneads the pads of your fingers. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You were cute. Mm, like a kitten."

You pop your head out from under the covers. "Stop bringing it up!"

But it's not like you're actually angry and you use this opportunity to take a closer look at him. His face is relaxed and his expressions are open; whatever haunted him yesterday seems to be really gone now and his eyes are serene as he gives you a helpless smile.

"Alright, I'll stop teasing you." Xu Mo bends down to kiss your forehead. "Freshen up and come into the kitchen. Didn't you want to make a cake today?"

The distraction works instantly and you ask excitedly, "We have all the ingredients?"

He hums in affirmation and starts to take off his robe to put on a turtleneck sweater, but a strangled noise escapes your mouth when you see all the scratches on his back. Xu Mo glances over his shoulder at you, giving you a curious look, before comprehension dawns on his face and a smile curls on the corner of his lips, "Like I said, you were as cute as a kitten."

You cover your face and sink into the covers again. You feel him pat your leg, but you refuse to move and it's only after you hear him exit the bedroom and head into the kitchen that you dare to raise your head and leave the bed to wash up.

~~~

By the time you make your way to the kitchen, Xu Mo has already set out the ingredients needed to bake a cake and done preliminary preparations. You can't help but pause in the doorway and take in the sight of him though.

He's looking over a recipe on the tablet he placed on the counter and as the afternoon sunlight pours in through the wide windows, giving his white turtleneck a golden sheen, it catches on the dust motes in the air, filling the space with little glimmers. They contrast sharply with his ink-black hair, as if something celestial has spilled onto him, and with the warm light softening the graceful lines of his face you feel like you're seeing something not of this world.

For a second, you're afraid any noise you make will shatter this illusion and the immortal who has descended into your home will disappear.

"Are you planning to watch me do everything?"

Xu Mo's calm voice breaks you out of your thoughts and you see that he's looking over at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, the original cake's fate was because of you..." you joke as you walk over to lean against him, reassuring yourself with his solidity, and take a look at the recipe. "By the way, what happened to it?"

"I'm afraid it was unsalvageable." He accepts your weight naturally and shifts his position so that you're more comfortably pressed against his chest rather than his arm. "I believe today is my birthday though?"

"So you think you should get a free pass?"

"Isn't that the case?" He tilts his head down and his breath caresses your ear.

You clear your throat and fight to keep the laughter out of your words. "I guess we can split the work 50/50 then."

"Thank you for your lenience." You hear the smile in his voice. "Why don't we get started then."

The two of you enter an easy rhythm, pre-heating the oven, mixing the dry ingredients, and mixing the wet ingredients. Occasionally, either you or he will read out the next steps for the other person.

Soon enough, the cake enters the oven and you both switch over to making the frosting. It doesn't escape your attention that there's a variety of food coloring you're sure the kitchen didn't have before though, meaning he must have gone out in the morning to get these. You carefully make a few different shades of colors, already having a general idea about how you wanted to decorate his cake, but you still ask Xu Mo for his opinion on each color. However, he just leaves the ultimate decision to you.

Finally satisfied with everything you've prepared to decorate the cake when it's finished baking, you wipe the back of your hand across your forehead. Even though it's the end of autumn and the start of winter, the temperature in the house is warm and with the two of you in the kitchen, as well as the oven being on, it's actually a bit hot.

You turn to Xu Mo to ask him what he wants to do to pass the time until the cake is finished only to find that he's already looking at you, lips twitching.

"What? What is it?" You narrow your eyes at him suspiciously.

"Silly girl, you got frosting on yourself." He reaches out and uses the pad of his thumb to wipe at your forehead before showing you the purple frosting on it.

You make a startled noise and look at the back of your hand. It's only now that you remember you were testing different shades of purple on your hand because you couldn't decide on one.

Hearing him actually start to chuckle as he turns towards the sink, probably to wash his hand and grab a paper towel for you, you're struck with a mischievous urge and your hand shoots out. Xu Mo doesn't even flinch as you smear a streak of purple cream across his cheekbone though.

You giggle at your handiwork. "That's what you get for laughing at me."

But when he turns to stare at you in silence, you actually start to worry at having taken too much liberty with him. Maybe playing with food wasn't such a good idea. You open your mouth to apologize, only to shriek when he grabs you and rubs his cheek against yours, spreading the cream back to you.

He has an arm around your waist and a hand at the back of your head to prevent you from pulling away, but before long he stops smearing the cream on you and raises his head to press his forehead to yours. He tilts his head a little, touching the tip of his nose to yours and brushing his eyelashes against your skin, kissing you in every way but with his lips.

"I love you."

There's nothing special in his voice. No emphasis. No emotional intensity. It's just said between one breath and the next, as if it is something that is always hovering between the both of you and only now, through the power of words, has it been materialized into the open and given form.

"Mm, I love you too," you reply.

"Say it again." You feel his lips curve into a smile.

You blink with surprise at his request but answer it easily enough, "I love you."

"I love you as well," he replies immediately, except this time there's a tenderness that permeates every one of his words. "Again."

You hesitate, feeling that he's up to something, but he just brushes your noses together again and his lips skim yours as he breathes out, "I love you."

"I love you too," you unconsciously lower your voice to match his.

In this quiet kitchen, with the sunlight streaming in and creating a golden glow at the edge of your vision that isn't filled with Xu Mo, the world feels like it's shrunk to this tiny space between you two. Even breathing seems too loud for this moment.

"Again," he requests.

Your cheeks start to heat up as each repetition seems to add more weight to the words and you barely manage to whisper out an audible "I love you".

"And I love you."

The hand at the back of your head returns to cup your cheek and your eyes flutter shut as he touches his lips softly to yours. You feel him open his mouth, as if he's about to ask you to say these words again, but the ding of the oven interrupts him and shatters the atmosphere.

You jerk back at the loud noise and clear your throat in embarrassment. He sees your flustered appearance and smiles in resignation before turning to bring the cake out of the oven.

While he does this, you clean up the frosting on yourself at the sink and also dampen a paper towel so that, after Xu Mo sets down the cake on the counter to cool, you can reach up and clean the streaks of cream on his cheek. He bends down to make it easier for you to reach him and leans into your touch, closing his eyes and raising a hand to encircle your wrist.

Seeing this rare look of peace and defenselessnesss on his face, you can't resist sneaking a peck on his cheek along with a quick "I love you" after you wipe his face.

You spin around before he can open his eyes and busy yourself with grabbing the frosting to decorate the cake. Xu Mo laughs softly from behind you and then presses himself against your back, wrapping his arms around your waist, but he's content to leave the decorating to you and simply rests his chin on your shoulder to watch you work.

The cake is decorated in short order (and if you were going off of your memories of the cake you ordered from the bakery, well, that's your secret) and you present it to Xu Mo. "Ta-dah! What do you think?"

He hums contemplatively and the sound reverberates beside your ear, "Unique and it looks delicious."

"Are you making fun of my drawing skills?" You nudge him in mock outrage.

"Not at all. It's unique because you drew it with your own colors."

Your ears redden at the sincerity in his voice and you distract yourself by grabbing a fork and using it to split a small section of the cake off before you scoop it up and hold it out to Xu Mo. "Here, as the birthday boy, you get the first bite."

He accepts the forkful that you feed him.

"Happy birthday, Xu Mo," you say, beaming at him, and then you ask, "How does it taste?"

The only warning you get is the mischievous glimmer in his eyes seconds before he leans over and kisses you.

This year's cake is sweeter than any other cake you've eaten.