#and I'm trying really hard to both nicely communicate that and also figure out how on earth to grade it??? its not really cohesive

[caterpillarinacave]

this is gonna be an interesting night

[jupitermoontarot24]

🍒What Lures People Into You? 🏎️

HI guys!!! welcome back missed you!!!

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Piles 1-5

Pile 1 🍒

hiya.  I feel like you lure people very easily .Almost like making a dog come up to you, it's not hard especially if you have something that they want. so for you I don't even feel like you lure these people in by doing anything I think they just naturally are attracted to you. yeah almost like it's your Birthright to be alluring. so these specific people that I'm talking about could be your soulmates people you supposed to be connected to. like I said before celebrities their true supporters/fans  are their soulmates. I'm trying to figure out how to verbalize this but for you it's like you don't have to try because they're there. it's like you don't really have to try hard to get a dog because they practically are given if you know what I mean. So you could be born to be in some type of authority figure. so it's your Birthright to have people who want to follow you and want to protect what you have to say. so for you lovers and suitors are natural even if you dont feel like this it's true. you can have seventh house placements major. yeah but these people are meant to be in love with you they're meant to be alert to you. Honestly what lures people into you is you're a diplomatic nature. You come on very trustworthy you can have Libra placements because you give justice, you give peace you give authority. You allure people into you because they know that you're a good leader that you would be a good leader, that you would balance and protect your people.  right now you might be at a place where you're still growing into yourself and because of that it draws people to you even more because they want to be around you before you get too big because they want to be on this journey with you. so you might notice a lot of people riding for you having your back, especially new people because they want to make sure they're here when it pays off. and not even on some Clout chasing stuff. yeah people just see you as a really good figure. Yeah the picture and the Channelled song are both Libra women (kim k in pic) so honestly you're just likeable. You can also have a really nice body and your style is timeless and also nostalgic at the same time so that's what draws people in. like people want to be tied to you they want to be associated with you. People also feel like you would pour back into them, pour back into community and it would be very spiritual. people are drawn to you because they know you're a divine person. I just heard they know that you can control their mind but not even that. I think you just can bring peace to a lot of people's life especially to their upper chakras. 

Pile 2 🥵

 what lures people to you is your face. you have a really beautiful face, nice lips, your face or structure is really nice. you can be conventionally attractive, even if your features are maybe not conventional you're still conventionally attractive. because I'm getting your features wouldn't look good on other people and it's not because they're not good features they just look really good on you. so your  features are unique to your face. you could be mixed or look mixed and that's what draws people in, people might not know your ethnicity. if you take pictures in black and white that could draw people in maybe a specific pic you have. Your hair lures people in. also your style people think you dress really nice. you could wear a lot of black for some people but either way they like your style. the way you dance, the way you sway  draws people in. What lures people in is that they don't know what's going on in your brain. people want to know they want to find out like what do you think about. because on the outside you could be so beautiful and your face could always look poised or you come off that way but they know that it's something deeper. like you might be sitting there looking very angelic but they know that you're thinking about something so it's like what is pile two really thinking about. but you play it so well you have a really good Poker Face. you have good posture and pose very well. I feel like your energy might be very big but your physical self is small as in your classy. like you don't scream for attention your body language doesn't scream for attention you don't spread yourself out to be bigger. that's a power move when people open their legs and they stretch their arms up is to attract attention and seem bigger, you don't have to do that. That can make people nervous is what I heard. People might have to leave the room when you are there because you get so much love and if they can't handle that they leave. But that's what also lures  people into you is that you could mix people up inside. like some people love that you make them insecure. if you know what I'm saying like you make them insecure but they still love you, they still want to be around you, they still like you because you're a good person and you're alluring. I guess for some people you Shine the Light on where they lack and maybe they  thought they weren't lacking anywhere so they want to continue to be around you so you can show them where they need to level up. which is not your job at all but that's what alures some people. you're very peaceful your energy is very calming. you're very nice to look at and a lot of people could think you're their soulmate because of that. People can see you as being the one for them. You got people that's okay with being the sidepiece as long as they get to be around you/ please you. Yeah you strike people when you meet them. you make people realize where they still have Karma to burn off. Also if people have been to your house or they see glimpses of your house in pictures or whatever they really like that Draws them in. 

Stefflon Don x Victony - Deadly (Official Music Video)

Jada Kingdom - TOP TIER #Twinkle #TopTier

Pile 3 👀

What lures people into you is that you have so many different sides to you. I feel like a lot of people have different sides of them but they don't express these because they're afraid of being judged or people being weirded out.  I think you're very open and expressive about that. so what lures people in is that there's a different version of you for every single person. it's like you got doubles of you that run different niches. like you have a stoner personality, a nerd, a hot head, a nurse, a race car driver. And a thing about it is it's very peaceful at the same time it's not overwhelming or crazy. if anything it gives Barbie. The number seven could be significant as well. you make a lot of money because of this?  a lot of money because you 'll have your hands in so many different pots you can do a lot of things and you don't mind trying either. so people think that these different versions of you make you a lot of money. so that's what lures people in. people definitely see you as the jackpot. Neptune in 2nd? if people know that you aren't the richest they probably still think you have a lot of money but if they know you aren't a millionaire billionaire they feel like you're rich in love/spirit so it doesn't matter. so it's like pile three could easily get somebody who would pay their bills or give them money because they have options. or people could feel like a lot of people give you money and because of that you really are super abundant. also if you post daily or you post weekly on social media that draws people in.Yeah you're really healing to people's inner child and that's what lures them in. it's like if they get a daily dose of you they'll be all right. You can also be a really good muse so people are lured  to you because they want to write about you, they want to write songs about you you're that person that gets a song writing about them. You inspire people to make music poetry love letters. 

CAN YOU FEEL IT - Carib feat. Kerwin Du Bois & Shenseea

Pile 4 🧚🏽

Whats alluring  about you is that you can be kind of scary sometimes, but it's so sexy!  it's like I don't know if I should be scared or turned on is what I heard. yeah you can be like the picture. one of those sexy villains that you low key root for because they're so fine like shego from kim possible. You could be drawn to another pile. yes like people are attracted to this dark side of you so that's alluring to them. What lures them in is some people will be okay with the third party because they don't even expect you to commit? It's lures ppl in when you are aggressive and you just say what you want. so you can't scare people off with your aggression  it's sexy to them. because you're in your power! people don't like weak people. yeah if anything it makes you seem like more of a good marriage partner. yeah you could come in guns blazing and people will still be so turned on. they know that you're about that life that's what the people want lol. that's not to say that you like to be in this energy but you can be. I'm laughing cuz why do you being aggressive makes people fall even harder. yeah the only thing I can really compare to the best is shego. it's like yeah you're supposed to be rooting for Kim Possible but who didnt have a crush on shego. so it's like even if you weren't fair with the situation people still are okay with that. It lures them that sometimes you can be Domineering. it makes people want to give you money so you could lure in cash cows or pay pigs.But whats alluring about you is that people like that sometimes you can be the bad guy even if you're really not. Maybe you just stand up for what you believe in you don't take no mess. You give ride or die energy. 

Shenseea - Die For You (Official Music Video)

Shenseea - Neva Neva (Official Music Video)

Pile 5 ⭐

What lures people into you is your instagram!/social media Okay periodddd lol you could look younger, you could be younger that's what lures people in.  Not in a weird way but you just might be in your early to mid twenties for some people.  you could look like that or what lures ppl in is they don't know your age. your Instagram could be very aesthetically pleasing, like it could give venusian energy. so people can fall in love with you just off your instagram. yes like your Instagram doesn't give too much but doesn't give too little. it gives just enough. but your Instagram does make you look very attractive. this doesn't have to be IG it's going to be any social media that you have by the way. There could be a lot of fantasizing around your social media, so people can look at your pictures and fantasize about being with you. especially you selfies are very cute. The music you post lures people in. you can look expensive, you can smell expensive people assume you do. yeah your Instagram is so fire!!! wherever you post pictures it just comes together so well. if you have a picture that's black and white specifically they could like that. people could actually post like you or want to get  their Instagram feed to look like yours. People think you have really good sex that's what lures them in. not they getting horny off your pics lol. even if you only post a couple pictures or selfies they are all hitters people love them. I don't want to say this but people could think that you lady/men part that is very tight/big, they can think that because you might be on the younger side or they just think you don't have a lot of bodies. and like when I say young I mean an adult still!!!! but basically you have little mileage is what lures people in. you have so many people that like you and they got money too. people sitting up there imagining you to be there spouse, what it would be like to live in a house with you, to have kids with you. this could be Tiktok, Twitter, Instagram but whatever people can get a glimpse of your face or your personality. it lures people in. your face is really pretty when you have your eyes closed people really are drawn in by that. this could give people the clue of what your sex face looks like or you're resting face. Yeah you might have your eyes closed in one picture and people are like that's what pile five probably looks like while they moan or are asleep. ;) Your social media could make ppl feel like their watching a goddess

Verse Simmonds ft Jada Kingdom ~ Bedroom Bully (Official Video)

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[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Hi there,

I love your writings! I never sent an ask before, and I'm sure you have plenty of requests, but your works are incredible, so anything you choose to write about is bound to be amazing!

I was wondering if you would consider doing more 18+ headcannons for the ROTTMNT Boys, like you did for Leo? The idea that they all fall for the reader for different reasons sounds intriguing 🤤

Random Headcanons About Donatello (18+)

Rise!Donatello x reader

A/N: I decided to write one for Donnie, because other than this, I have nothing one Rise Donnie😭 Hope you’ll like this, and will satisfy some of you Donnie people out there💜

Warnings: Talk of masturbation, a little bit of intimate instints.

Donnie was never been much of a big flirt, nor had he ever had much interest in anything romantic. To him, it felt like a waste of time. Those kinds of feelings never came easy to him, so it was kind of hard for him to fit it into his life.

But of course Donnie felt bodily needs. He was a living being after all. But he had never tied it to any emotions of love or attraction. No, to him it had always been a natural thing he needed to get done. Something his body needed, a part of his nature. Science and biology in its natural habitat. So when he felt the need, he would hide himself away in his room, and make quick work with his hands on himself, until he didn’t feel the growing neediness in his member anymore.

He never bothered to spend much time thinking about these things. He never bothered spending time thinking about what he was into, when it came to a partner. Because why would he do that? He wasn’t looking for a partner, so why would he try to figure out what his ideal partner would be like? Sounded like a stupid thing to do in his opinion.

These things didn’t change straight away when you entered Donnie’s life. Donnie did not feel any different when he and his brothers started to hang out with you. You were a nice friend and Donnie did enjoy spending time with you. But that was just that. You were just a friend, and Donnie didn’t want it to be any other way. No more. No less.

But slowly but surely, things between the two of you would change.

As time went on, you and Donnie would get closer, slowly becoming best friends. That meant you and the purple genius would often spend time alone together, getting to know each other on a deeper level. You just understood Donnie, and you never struggled or clashed with his way of being, like his brothers would from time to time. However, there would be small things that you did, that slowly would make Donnie’s heart flutter. It was how you seemed to understand his sometimes non-verbal communication, how you easily learned his way of organizing, and his other small quirks.

The realization that Donnie had developed feelings for you, hit him like a wall of bricks. It happened one late night, as Donnie sat in his lab, hunched over his work, his thoughts running as he worked. His thoughts floated towards you and your beautiful smile… Hmm, odd… But you did have a beautiful smile. Anyway, back to work… You also did have a very nice voice… Donnie really liked your voice. It made him happy to hear it whenever you were around… Snap out of it Donnie! You’re working!... When did Donnie last see you anyway? A few days ago, when you and him had decided to watch that movie together. And you were wearing those jeans that really fitted your butt and thighs so well. So well that Donnie for a short moment, wished he could just reach out to touch them. That was the moment Donnie dropped what he had in his hand, his eyes wide when he realized what was going on.

Donnie, much to his own surprise, now found himself spending much time dreaming and wondering about love. He thought of you, what it would be like to be with you, both emotionally and physically. He wondered what you liked, and if you would ever look at him in the same way. And for the first time, Donnie found himself touching himself, not just because of his needs, but because of what your beautiful being did to him.

And for the first time Donnie found himself interested in romance, and it wouldn’t take long before he slowly put in the work, in order to win you and your love over.

[wake-me-up-inside-imagines]

A Charlie craven (I think that is how it's spelled) X nurodivergint reader specifically autistic or ADHD or both if its no trouble its ok if you don't want to

Yeah no problem! I'm gonna stick to autism for this post because I don't have ADHD and I fear trying to write for it will end up with me falling into stereotypes, but if you would still like an ADHD post, I'll be happy to write one!

Yandere! Mafia Boss With A Darling Who Has Autism

gn! reader

Warnings: kidnapping, implied torture involving skin (not on reader), overstimulation, intentional and unintentional infantilization, obsession, mentioned fighting, Charlie doesn't know much about autism but he's learning

Divider credit goes to: @enchanthings-a

-I feel like Charlie would be pretty understanding of an autistic darling, all things considered. Of course, kidnapping you and forcing you into a new environment wasn't so great, especially if you already weren't good with change to begin with, but he had expected a bad reaction, so it was kind of par for the course.

-Having said that, Charlie does do everything he can to keep your environment as comfortable as possible. He already learned your likes and dislikes through stalking you, so your room will already be decked out in the most comfortable, least overstimulating decorations, textures, and colors by the time you get there. The change is horrifying and so is the situation, but you can't really complain about the room. That's been decorated to perfection. Charlie also tries to keep the rest of the house relatively friendly to your needs, but it might take awhile to fix some things, depending on the previous furnishing and your preferences.

-Charlie's naturally pretty blunt with his thoughts and emotions, so he doesn't have a hard time communicating efficiently with you. He's always made himself very clear with what he wants to convey, and while he's much gentler with you than his employees, that habit doesn't die. He just uses a nicer tone when speaking to you. When there are mix ups in communication, he doesn't get upset. You ask him for clarification or he'll see your confusion and he immediately clarifies whatever it is he was talking about, barely giving the miscommunication a second thought. he truly doesn't get bothered by it, he gets it. As long as you understand what he's saying by the end of it, all is good.

-Because Charlie's super protective of you, you don't often get the chance to interact with others besides him (at least at first). However, in the event that you do end up in social situations, Charlie makes sure you're always comfortable and in the loop with what's going on. If there's some social cue you're not picking up on, Charlie will be sure to clarify for you. He's not very subtle about it so it can be embarrassing and borderline infantilizing, but he's not doing it on purpose. He just wants to include you fully, and telling you how it is tends to be Charlie's go to. If you give him a better way to communicate possibly missed social cues he'll quickly adapt, but if you don't say anything he'll carry on they way he normally does.

-One thing that does drive Charlie a little crazy is a lack of eye contact, but if you're someone who struggles with that, he tries not to blame you. He's aware it's not your fault and it's not like you're trying to be rude, so he has no real reason to complain. He just likes connecting with you via eye contact, but he'll figure out ways to cope with the lack of it appropriately.

-One thing you and Charlie have in common is the tendency to have more black and white thought patterns. It can lead to some pretty heated arguments if you two can't get the other to understand your point of view. It'll take a decent amount of work and communication to work that out, and it's something you two may need to start getting better at. Still, it's nice to have someone who can relate to similar thought patterns, even if it creates issues sometimes.

-Charlie often does his best to keep anything that could trigger your sensory issues to a minimum, but he is naturally pretty loud, which might cause some issues. Still, he'll try to keep his voice at a reasonable level if you ask him to. He'll also do his best to control other aspects that might trigger you like textures, air quality, temperature, brightness, stuff like that. It's not too hard considering how much money he has at his disposal to change things out if need be, it's more an adjustment in terms of remembering what's ok and what isn't. He's pretty good at remembering though, only the best for his darling, right?

-If you do happen to get overwhelmed or overstimulated, Charlie makes sure to bring you to a dark, quiet spot in the house. He's not sure exactly how to comfort you, if you want to be touched, if he should say anything, so he'll probably shuffle around awkwardly and wait for you to tell him what to do. He doesn't want to make things worse for you, after all. He'll mostly just end up sitting relatively close you without touching you directly, nervously rocking back and forth while he watches you try to calm down. He hates when you feel like this, especially since you describe overstimulation as having something crawl or poke around in your skin. As someone who's inflicted skin related torture on people before, it is not an experience he wants you to go through. Ever.

-On the topic of hyperfixations, Charlie doesn't really understand them, at least when you first explain it to him. He'll indulge you of course, buying you anything and everything related to whatever you may be obsessing over while listening to you talk nonstop about it, but he doesn't really understand why you feel so strongly about something seemingly unimportant. Why do you care so much about some random piece of media, or a band, or something of the like? Sure it's entertaining, but is it that cool?

-And then he realizes that he's just as obsessed with you as you are with your hyper fixation, and honestly, he's even more offended. Why can't you focus your devotion onto him, like he's done to you? Why does a something so insignificant grasp your attention more then him? Is he not good enough? Does he not entertain you enough? Is e not loving you enough? What more can he do to prove he deserves to be the focus of your obsession?

-Yeah he doesn't really understand the difference between being harmlessly obsessed with a piece of media and being obsessed with a real person to the point of stalking and kidnapping, but uh...that's neither here nor there.

-The biggest downside to being with Charlie as an autistic person is his habit of infantilizing you, but you have to understand that it's not because of your autism, it's because he's insane. No matter who his darling is, autistic or not, he'll treat them like they're much more fragile then they actually are. Because you're a civilian, he believes you to be much more weak then him, both in mind and in body. It's for this reason that he babies you to near death. He wants to spoil you rotten, but he also sees you as beneath him, in a way. Like you're someone who needs to be coddled and protected rather than a normal person with unique strengths and weaknesses. It has nothing to do wit your autism though, so it's not like he's treating you differently then he would any other darling.

-Overall, he's not too bad with an autistic darling, despite his lack of understanding on the matter. If you can ignore his typical infantilization, you'll probably fare fine.

I hope you enjoyed!

[yumeka-sxf]

It's been a few months since my last merch haul post, so time for another one! As usual, acrylic stands are my main purchases, with the below set being one of the rarest I've found 💖

The reason these are so rare is because I couldn't get them from my usual places on Amiami and Mercari JP. They're from a company called Ultrizon and are currently only sold in China. I saw them advertised on Twitter from a shop in Thailand and decided to reach out on the off chance that the shop would ship to the US. And much to my pleasant surprise, the shop, Chibishiba, replied and said that they would ship to me 😃 I was a bit concerned because they seemed to be just a small "mom and pop" shop, with only Twitter DMs as their form of communication and they kept track of everyone's orders in a google sheet. But I looked around on their social media and they seemed legit, so I placed an order (a few other fanatics I know on Discord did as well!) And thankfully, they were totally legit! They ordered the items from China, then once they shipped to Thailand, they then shipped to me in the US! Only took a few weeks 😁

Here's some more photos because they're so lovely~ For some reason the two Twiyor sets make me think of a scenario where they're going to a dance or other fancy event together (the left ones), but then something happens and they have to switch to "action mode" to stop a villain, save Anya, etc (the right ones).

Bond looks so adorable in his suit~ Also the one of Anya on the left is her totally thinking "Papa and Mama are so cool 🤩"

Even though I typically only buy merch with the Forgers, Yuri, Damian, and Franky were also part of this set. Lol, when I made the below photo of the three of them, I laughed because it looks like they're posing for a photo, with only Damian having fun…Yuri's like "whatever" and Franky's like "how long will this take, I have a date!" 😂

Besides the Ultrizon acrylics, the other ones I was most looking forward to getting were these chibi ones from the cruise arc (two different sets)

Between all of these, I now have acrylics of the Forgers' full wardrobe from the cruise arc 😅 My favorites are suit Yor, "I won't stop fighting" Yor, and Fun Dad Loid!

I really liked these Twiyor acrylics from the recent Tsukuba collab. It's like they're going on a hiking date ❤️

I also got these chibi "famous scene" acrylics from the Waku Waku Park event.

I've been trying so hard to get the complete set of these big acrylics for a few months now...I managed to find Loid and Anya, but no one is selling Yor 😭 (or Bond). I won't stop looking though!

As for non-acrylic figures, I've been looking forward to getting this Yor & Anya figure for over a year! It was actually one of the first SxF items I preordered, way back in November of 2022! Considering they had the colored prototype available way back then, I'm surprised it wasn't officially released until March of 2024. But worth the wait ❤️

For Code White's release, I got the set of Luminasta figures (all three for a good price on eBay).

Also chibi Loid & Yor~ I know there's a ton of chibi Loid and Yor figures out there, but I really liked these for some reason.

Last month I went back to Kura Sushi for the last merch from their recent collab: this nice shirt~ You were able to get it if your bill was at least $70, which isn't hard to do if you bring a friend with you and you both eat a bunch of sushi! (well, he did most of the eating, lol). I'm planning to wear it for the first time at Anime Expo in July 😁

They also had this little Anya dessert.

And miscellaneous items I recently got were these pretty picture cards that I plan to make scans of.

The McDonald's collab booklet, the season 2 complete set box, and the Loid & Anya cloth poster that came with the box. I also plan to make scans of these!

A mug from the Tobu Zoo collab.

And lastly, some new decals for my car! I found this set at Walmart of all places, lol. Found room for them among my other decals.

Since I bought so many new acrylics and figures lately, I had to do a major reorganization of my display shelves. But I'll save those photos for another post~

[genderqueerdykes]

Hello 👋

I'm wondering if you (or anyone else who sees this) has any advice/resources about detransitioning/retransitioning? I've been living as a trans guy since I was a kid and I'm a young adult now, but I recently I realized that I really miss being a girl and I think I want to socially detransition? And it's really lonely, because the vast majority of people I see talk about detransition online at least are anti-trans and I really don't want to involve myself with them.

I just don't know how to tell my family and friends. I know it's silly because they've always been super supportive, but I just feel like I'm being a burden for wanting to change my name and pronouns yet again. I can't help but worry that they think I'm indecisive or this is just another phase or something.

-🐞

you know, that's a good suggestion, i really should compile resources for de/retransitioning people, because it's so hard to find good information that isn't clogged with terve nonsense. it deeply bothers me how hard it is for detrans people to find safe community amongst one another without so much violence and hatred. theres absolutely nothing wrong with detransitioning, you can't know if something is for you until you try it. you shouldnt have to involve yourself with transphobic people just because you want to socially detransition

i would say wait to tell your family until you know for sure this is right for you to eliminate those "it's a phase" moments. you don't have to tell family and friends if you're questioning something, it's alright to have that to yourself for a bit. its something deeply personal to you, and it's about you first. you can tell other folks whenever you feel like you're ready to go ahead with things. i would also like to say try to present and feel like yourself in your alone time to boost confidence. if youre able to dress the way you want in private, it can at least help you figure out if you're on the right path or if you're unsure. its okay to be the person you are in private before you show the world.

i will do my best to try to compile some resources for detrans & retrans people that are actually helpful. thank you for bringing this to my attention, it's been bothering me for years that detrans people can't talk to each other because of the state of the tags on this website. if anyone else has any advice feel free to chip in. take care of yourself for now, feel free to reach out again any time

EDIT: someone was nice enough to leave some reddit communities for detrans people who aren't terves: r/actual_detrans, and r/detransition_support both do not allow terves and terf rhetoric. i hope these can be of some help to you!

[duplicitywrites]

I’ve been reading your fics for quite some time, probably about since I first got into Tomarry (mid 2020). I remember I used to be SO intimidated by you for some reason— you’re this incredible writer who knows so many people in the Tomarry fandom and I didn’t know how to deal with that, so I just silently read your fics and left guest kudos every time I could, but I never ever tried commenting or reaching out in other ways. I discovered your tumblr a little while ago, and I’ve been seeing your posts and reading your kind responses to all the asks you get and I’ve been constantly seeing them on my dash for at LEAST a year and now I feel like a parasocial freak but I and anyone else with eyes can see that you are SO kind and welcoming and I just want to thank you for making me realize that, despite any first impressions or thoughts about it, fandom really doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) be a scary thing to get into! It shouldn’t be scary to interact with those around you! And it was hard for a while to realize this, because I get anxious about socializing and inserting myself into already-established spaces (such as fandom; it’s scary!) (and I know I’m not alone in that feeling of anxiety), but reading your posts and seeing you be so incredible has made me excited to interact with this fandom. I feel comfortable now to reach out to my favorite authors with words of adoration and you made me see that these authors are LITERALLY just. Well. Normal (and 99% of the time, very much incredible and kindhearted) people. Not untouchable gods who will smite anyone who has the gall to comment nice things on their fics (truly reprehensible, I know, lol). Thank you for being such an inviting figure/part of this fandom and for being so involved and kind to those around you! <3 So sorry if this is silly or sappy lol, I just want you to know that I appreciate you and that you have an impact on people in this fandom whether you’re aware of it or not.

first let me say it's so crazy to me that it's been almost five years! it both feels like it has and also not 😭 maybe i should do something fancy to celebrate on my tomarrymort anniversary later this year? idk what though 🤔

fandom can definitely be intimidating as a whole, and i think it's also harder when you're not used to navigating these spaces. like, online social norms are obviously different from in-person social norms.

this is actually the second fandom that i've been very involved in, so it's not my first rodeo, and it makes me think it does take experience to become properly comfortable in fandom in a way that feels more grounded and less performative (though i think on some level we are always being performative on social media)

i will say that people always come and go, so you shouldn't see fandom as a fixed space. it's like with meeting people anywhere, some you get along with and some you don't. the nice thing about fandom is you know you already have at least one thing in common 😂

but i digress LOL mostly because i never know what to say in response to nice things people say to me. i think you're so sweet and i'm almost like overwhelmed you took the time to write all this out 🫠💕 so thank you for all your support (almost five years' worth, how crazy is that) and kindness!

also i'm glad you said authors are just normal because absolutely authors are all people (not influencers. influencers bad), and fandom is a community when people treat each other like people! so i try to be nice (and honestly don't always feel like i succeed) but especially nowadays it feels so important to at least try ✊

closing statement is i hope all the lovely comments you leave on all fics get nice replies back 🙏 though i am probably not always in that category as i am massively behind on my replies 😭 my main problem is my portfolio is so big now it's literally impossible for me to keep up 🫠 but i read them all! and i try to reply on the things i actively post!! so know that they are seen and somewhat responded to at least in my head 😭💕

[nhlmcfilthy]

Everything we Haven't Said Pt 2

Honestly now this is a three parter I guess? I know it took a while, but I can't stop writing about them. Also, oops it's 7k

Summary: An romantic evening with boyfriend Kaiden Guhle doesn't go as planned when your roommate Arber Xhekaj accidentally sees you naked and you have an interesting sex dream.

Word count: 7k (sorry not sorry)

CW: voyeurism I guess. threesome. Light jealousy, sort of infidelity but not really

Pairing: Female reader/Kaiden Guhle/Arber Xhekaj

Kaiden wakes you up when he's getting ready for his run. Usually you sleep through it, but sometimes he moves around too much and closes drawers too loudly. "Sorry" he whispers when he sees you rubbing your eyes and rolling over. He comes over and kisses your forehead. "I'm heading out now, see you later, yeah?" You nod sleepily. "Yeah, I have an afternoon class but I'm home tonight." "Perfect" he replies. "We'll have a romantic dinner of leftovers" you say. "Yeah if Arber hasn't eaten all of them" he jokes and rolls his eyes. Arber eats enough for six men, but his mom usually keeps him in a steady supply when she's in town, and it's not like Kaiden eats like a bird either. It's not really an issue, you both just give him a hard time.

You try to fall back asleep but your body has decided it's morning. You throw off the covers and open the curtain, letting the light stream in the room.

The condo you and Kaiden are renting isn't anything extravagant, but it's definitely nicer than anything you'd be able to afford without your boyfriend's NHL paycheque, even if he let you contribute (which he doesn't). The windows in every room are huge, and you're right downtown. A couple other young players on the team have condos in the same building and the surrounding ones so it feels like a little community. Everyone in the building is really nice and respectful, never bothering you and Kaiden or you too much.

You look at the skyline of Montreal and think about how lucky you are. Regardless of what's going on with you and Kaiden, your life is pretty great.

You go to collect your clothes off the ground and realize something is missing - your bra. It's definitely somewhere in the main room, even if you don't remember him taking it off, and your stomach rolls thinking about it. Did Arber see it last night when he came in? He might not have even turned on the light.

You and Kaiden aren't usually so sloppy. You also tend to keep the naughty stuff to the bedroom since you share the main area, last night was a bit out of the box for you. You feel your core pulse just thinking about how hot that was. Losing it all over the island in the kitchen. You're going to have to bleach it this afternoon. You blush thinking about it.

It's 6:30 in the morning, Arber isn't usually awake this early. Neither are you, normally. You figure you can just quickly pop into the kitchen and grab your bra. It's your purple lace balconette bra that makes your boobs look fantastic. Kaiden looks at you like he wants to devour you when he discovers that you're wearing it. He's been known to leave dinners early, asking for the bill as soon as the mains are down on the table because he saw a hint of the strap under your dress.

You sigh. This used to be so much less complicated. Last night was a good sign, but you know that you can't rely on sex to make your relationship better. You need to talk this one out.

How do you even start this conversation? Even admitting things weren't the same was a hard conversation. You both felt awful about it and and it's been sort of looming over the two of you lately.

You shake off your thoughts, not really wanting to deal with them right now and open your bedroom door to the main living area.

Soft morning light fills the kitchen and living room. As a night owl, you aren't often up for sunrise, but you always enjoy it when you get a chance. Pink, orange, and yellow streak across the sky, the buildings beginning to light up. Mount Royal is ever present, and you love all the older buildings peeking out through the high rises. Spires and domes from ancient churches and preserved buildings.

You didn't bother to put on pants, but now standing out there in the open room in an oversized t-shirt of Kaiden's and a pair of panties, you feel a bit exposed. You scan the room and walk a loop around the kitchen island. Nothing. You start to panic. It has to be out here somewhere, unless Kaiden took it, or Arber...

You picture Arber coming home and finding your bra, and what? It's just a bra. It's not like he's never seen one before. What do you think he'd do with it? Take it into his room to jerk off? You blush, but shake your head again. It's just a silly crush and you're obviously worked up about other things.

Your eyes are still scanning the room and then you see it, folded over the back of the couch. You try to remember when Kaiden took it off you last night but it's all a blur, and Kaiden isn't really known for being too tidy. He's a very "throw caution to the wind" guy when it comes to laundry, and in the heat of the moment he's tossed clothes under the dresser or in the back of a closet. Once he even threw a shirt on a lamp and it almost caught fire.

You stare at the folded bra, knowing that Arber must have seen it and put it there. You wonder what he thought about it. Did he roll his eyes? Did he think it was gross that you guys fooled around in the living room? Was he jealous?

You jump as you hear the door behind you open. The door to Arber's room. You lunge for the bra and Arber's eyes open wide in shock at seeing you there and then you see his gaze change as he takes in what you are wearing. You blush as you grab the bra and hide it behind your back like a kid caught stealing a cookie.

You take in Arber. He's most likely just on his way to the bathroom. Yours and Kaiden's room has an en-suite, but the main bathroom off the living room is the one Arber uses.

He looks soft and rumpled. He's in his boxers and you have no idea where to look. His strong, toned chest is incredibly sculpted. You've seen him shirtless before, but something about seeing him first thing in the morning feels oddly private. Intimate. His hair is all over the place and he's got patches of five o'clock shadow on his face from not shaving yet. You want to reach out and touch it. It would feel so good rubbing against your face and neck. Or between your legs. You try to suppress a shiver and glance away, definitely avoiding looking at anything below his waist.

Your nipples are hard underneath your shirt and you can see them protruding through the fabric. You start to feel embarrassed and horny and very overwhelmed. You want to run back in your room and hide under the blankets and scream. You want to grab Arber and straddle him on the couch. You want Kaiden to walk in and watch. Your face heats up at that and you almost have to cross your legs with how much that turns you on.

The silence has gone on for far too long. Arber is looking at you sort of quizzically. He still looks sleepy (which is adorable), but he also knows you have the bra behind your back and the corner of his mouth looks like it's fighting a smile.

You close your eyes, take a deep breath and collect yourself.

"Morning" you say lightly and maybe slightly higher pitched than your regular voice. "You saw nothing" you say, waving your bra-free hand in front of him like you're wiping his memory. "You will go to the bathroom and back to your room and then you will forget this happened and never speak of it again" you continue waving your hand like a weirdo.

He cracks a full smile at this and says "okay weird girl." You're caught off guard by his smile and you're also walking backwards and you run into the corner of the couch. You flail, trying to catch yourself. but you're definitely not recovering from this, so you try to limit the embarrassment factor and brace for impact, but Arber shoots across the room and catches you before you hit the floor.

Suddenly he's got one hand spanning a disturbingly large part of your upper back, and the other is on the back of your thigh. Your naked thigh. Dangerously close to your ass. You feel his fingers flex and you take in a sharp breath.

His eyes are wide as you lower the leg he's basically holding up, and he lets go, raising his arms up in a surrender motion.

"Sorry" you both say at the same time and laugh it off a bit. Arber clears his throat "are you okay" he asks, genuinely looking concerned, but also turning around to give you space (but probably more to adjust himself in his boxers. It is the morning after all, and you are half clothed. And if he's feeling half of the sexual tension you are, he's definitely at least half hard. But you're trying not to think about that). "Other than my pride, I'm fine" you say, completely over trying to hide the bra behind your back and just leaning into the awkwardness of the moment.

You feel the adrenaline rush leaving your body and you finally catch your breath. "I'm gonna" you say and you point behind yourself even though he's still turned around and you make a beeline for your room, narrowly missing an end table and you know he's laughing again.

Inside your room you take some deep breaths and tell yourself you won't overthink the encounter outside. For sure you can just brush it off. You also try not to think about how his hand flexed around the back of your thigh. You're less successful than you want to be.

You go into your ensuite and splash cold water on your face and try to bring down your heart rate.

You hop in the shower and decide to do a full hair wash and mask to kill time and avoid going back out there and seeing Arber again. You also maybe have a bit of fun with the shower head, but that has nothing to do with Arber whatsoever, you tell yourself. It's always been a favourite way of getting off without a partner and you don't think about his scruffy beard rubbing between your thighs as you climax. Absolutely not one bit.

You do feel better after the shower. Relaxed. Less tightly wound. You go about your day, go to your class, and decide to pick up a nice bottle of wine on the way home. You'll plate up the leftovers from last night all fancy and have a nice dinner and maybe work up the nerve to have an adult conversation about the relationship. You can do this. You love each other and have put a lot of work into this relationship. You're both in it for the long haul. You know this in your heart.

When you get home the condo is completely quiet. The boys are at practice so you toss your bag in the corner, fix up a snack and settle on the couch. You read a textbook for a bit, highlighting important passages for your notes later and eventually turn on the tv.

As the sun sets you start cleaning up and setting up for dinner. The boys should be home soon, so you shoot Arber a text saying that you're hoping to have dinner tonight with Kaiden and he agrees to make other plans.

You set the table, take out some candles and nice wine glasses you got from his parents. You head to your room to get dressed and put on the purple bra. Smiling at the fun you know you're going to have later. The bra is a sure bet. It's your reward for having the tough conversation.

You heat up the food and light the candles when you expect Kaiden will be on his way home. You put on a romantic playlist, pour the wine and adjust your cleavage in the mirror. You smile at your reflection. Everything is going to be fine.

Hours later and you're still at the table, candles burned low and the food has gone cold. You've called and texted Kaiden a bunch of times and you're starting to worry. You've even texted Arber, asking if he's with Kaiden, but neither of them has seen the messages.

You've barely eaten your own food, but you've made your way through most of the bottle of wine. You've been trying not to cry, but you can feel the tears building up.

You try calling Kaiden again. You know his phone is probably just dead, he's not very good about keeping a charge, but when you get the voicemail you throw your phone down on the table. It accidentally hits your fork and tosses some food on the floor. "Shit" you say, bending over to pick it up. As you do this, you manage to knock over your glass of red wine. You catch it before it hits the floor, but not before it spills on your shirt, and you watch the red blotch grow on your shirt. "Fuck" you cry out, and the tears start coming.

You crumple to the ground, unable to stop it. All your feelings come to the surface. Your worry for Kaiden and why he isn't answering your phone calls, your anxiety over your relationship. Sadness, anger, guilt, it's all there. You just let yourself cry for a bit, knowing you just need to let it out.

Finally, after who knows how long, you pick yourself up and clean up the mess. You don't want to ruin your shirt, so you take it off and head to the sink. Hopefully dish soap will help.

You're scrubbing your shirt as you hear the door open. You reel around to see Arber come in. He drops his hockey bag in the corner, takes off his coat and turns around and sees you, eyes widening.

You're frozen in place. Obviously hoping it was Kaiden, but you aren't sure you're disappointed. You're not ready to deal with that yet.

You panic in the moment and drop the wet shirt in the sink and cover your breasts with your hands like he's caught you naked. His face breaks out into a huge smile and you're caught off guard by it. You've never noticed how his eyes light up when he smiles and little crinkles form on the sides. It's very endearing, given the roughness of the rest of his general appearance.

"i've seen a woman in a bra before" he says, smirking at you. "I've even seen that bra before" he winks, finally bringing his eyes up to meet your face. Your makeup must be all over your face from crying as his smile drops and he moves towards you. "Hey, are you okay? What's happened? Wait, where's Guhles? Didn't you guys have dinner tonight? He asks.

Finally you look up at him, trying to smile. "He didn't show up" you say, your voice catching again. "I've called and texted, but his phone must be dead."

"Shit" he says and pulls out his phone. "Marty got tired of phones going off in meetings so he made us all put our phones on airplane mode, he must have forgotten to turn it back on. Just like I did" he laughs as he flicks through his phone. "Hey, there's a text from you!" he smiles. His eyes are so dark, like molasses. So different from Kaiden's ocean blue eyes. He closes the space between the two of you and wraps you in his arms. He smells incredible. Like coffee and cinnamon with a hint of wood smoke.

"I know a bunch of guys went out after, but I assumed he came here. Slaf and I went out for dinner, but we left the rink right away" he says, looking down at you with the most earnest expression. "I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding and that he'll show up soon" he says, reassuringly. His hands are still on your back, however.

"I should probably put a shirt on" you say, not really wanting to leave his embrace. Reluctantly, you turn to walk away and he calls out after you, heading to his room as well "I'm just gonna change out of this suit and then let's get some food into you and watch a movie, yeah?" You smile at the bit of normalcy.

You come out and he's put on sweats and an old Kitchener Rangers shirt that's worn and soft and looks so cozy. You've got an old hoodie from high school and leggings. He's thrown on a Marvel movie knowing you wouldn't want to make any decisions and moved the food to the coffee table by the couch.

You're suddenly starving and dive into the leftovers. Halfway through the movie the exhaustion starts to hit. You're sitting up on the couch with your feet on the floor, not your normal feet in Arber's lap position since you've been eating. You go to move to your place, but Arber just opens his arms up, so you tuck in underneath, and his shirt is so soft, and he smells so good, and it feels like you fall asleep immediately. You have no recollection of any plot.

You dream of falling asleep in Arber's arms. He's built bigger than Kaiden. You know they both put in a lot of work at the gym, but Kaiden's always had to work hard to get the muscle on, and you feel like Arber's strength comes a bit easier. He's naturally bulkier. You roll over in bed and Kaiden is there. He smiles at you, blue eyes shining. You kiss him and he pulls you into him. Behind you, you can feel Arber breathing on the back of your neck. His hand comes up to your waist, then dips down. Your breath catches in Kaiden's mouth. "Like that, baby?" Arber asks in a dark and gravelly voice. Kaiden answers "she loves it" and you moan.

Arbers hand slowly makes its way down between your thighs and you open your legs for him. Kaiden pins one down with his heavily muscled leg and you groan again. Arbers fingers stroke slowly over your clit and you have to break from Kaiden, but he holds your head facing his. "Show me, baby, show me how much you like this" and you close your eyes, overwhelmed.

"So good" you managed to say. "Mmmm" Kaiden humms, stroking your face and looking down where Arbers finger is now entering you. You swallow hard. "Tell me how it feels, sweetheart" and you open your eyes wide, looking right into his. Heat flicks in his calm, blue eyes and he looks at you like he can feel your pleasure. "It feels s...so good" you stutter, as Arber's large digit finds a quick rhythm inside you.

He's rough, but not too rough. He's not quite hitting the spot that you like, and you love it. Kaiden can read you like a map, but half the fun of a new partner is the journey together. This is what you've been missing, and you stare into Kaiden's eyes, feeling suddenly more connected to him.

"He feels different" you say, collecting yourself, knowing that this is what Kaiden wants as well. "His finger is definitely bigger" you blush, and Kaiden cups your face and kisses you deeply.

The two of you are locked in a heated kiss, and you can't imagine anything being better than this. Arber's mouth finds the side of your neck and you moan deeply. He moves his mouth up to your ear and whispers "you ready for another?"

You realize you don't feel Kaiden's hand on your face anymore, and you break the kiss to find he's cupped the back of Arber's neck. You inhale sharply, and both boys are looking at you.

You feel treasured, celebrated. You don't feel any competition or jealousy. You feel like they both want to come together to make you feel good.

"Yes" you say, turning your head to capture Arber's mouth, Kaiden still holding Arber's face. You can't tell whose moans are whose as Arber puts a second finger inside you. You grind into them, and you feel him react. He deepens the kiss, Kaiden’s hand moves from Arber’s neck down to cup your breast and his long fingers tease your nipples. You bask in the glow that is the two men you cherish the most, making you feel so good.

Things start to get a bit hazy at this point, and there's shouting, which doesn't really fit the moment. You feel drunk and remember you drank half a bottle of wine, and that you're not in fact in bed with Kaiden and Arber, you're on the couch, and they're standing over you, looking down confused and wary.

You realize it was a dream, and you know that you talk in your sleep, so if you were dreaming of...and Arber was on the couch with you and Kaiden came home....

You go to stand up, but you're still a bit wobbly and both of the guys reach out to steady you, but Arber steps back after a quick glare from Kaiden. You blink and shake your head, trying to come back to reality, but you feel like you've had six different days in one. Weird morning with Arber, rest of your normal day, getting ready for dinner, Kaiden not showing up, awkward evening with Arber, falling asleep, the dream, you almost can't keep up.

"What's happening babe?" Kaiden asks, looking a bit worried, but also a bit guarded, like he's afraid to ask. "Where have you been?" you ask, your tone somewhere between concerned and angry. Kaiden closes his eyes and rolls back his head and you snap "don't get annoyed with me, I made this whole dinner for you and you never showed up and didn't answer your phone and I didn't know where you were" you start to get upset again and beg any deity who might be listening to stop you from crying, but a sob gets out.

"Hey, please don't cry baby, I'm sorry, Arber said he told you about the whole airplane mode thing, and I honestly didn't know we had dinner on tonight, did you tell me? I'm sorry if I forgot, I really didn't mean to" he says, moving his hand up and down your arm, trying to be comforting, but you can tell he's still holding back a bit. Kaiden is a full hug kinda guy and this guarded energy is throwing you off. You're tired and confused and honestly a bit worked up from your dream and Arber is just standing there looking weirdly angry and you can't figure out what's going on.

You sniffle, and try to work out what's going on. "I said we'd have leftovers this morning, but I guess I didn't say it was like a whole thing and that's on me, but you're acting weird and I want to know what's going on" you say, ready to lean into the whole adult conversation you expected to have tonight.

Arber senses the tone shift and goes to move, heading for his room but Kaiden whips around throwing an arm out "you're not going anywhere until you explain what happened here tonight" Kaiden says with authority and damn it if isn't the hottest thing you've seen. You know Arber could take him in a fight, but Arber's body language is completely passive. He backs away and hangs his head down.

He shuffles and coughs and says "I told you, nothing happened between us" he says, looking at Kaiden like he's trying to be annoyed but it isn't quite working. Kaiden can tell and starts to pull himself up to full height, puffing out his chest and says "bullshit. That's total bullshit Arbs. I come home to the two of you cuddling on the couch and you can't even pretend you didn't have a boner, that thing is like a fucking coke can" and Arber is taken aback and you know that your reaction isn't going to help but you can't help but burst into giggles.

"A coke can Kaiden? Really?" It's so funny to you and you cannot stop laughing. This whole night, the whole day really has been ridiculous and you feel like you've felt every emotion under the sun and you're suddenly exhausted and just want to go to bed.

Both guys are looking at you, Kaiden is furious and Arber honestly looks concerned for your safety. You take some deep breaths and try to stop laughing and catch your breath. "I'm sorry" you say, bent over in half, catching your breath "I can explain, I promise."

Kaiden's still glaring at Arber "I trust you babe, it's him I'm not sure about" he says, barely concealing the anger.

"Don't be jealous babe, it's not a good colour on you" you joke, and Kaiden almost growls and you quickly jump between them and put a hand on Kaiden's chest. "Nothing happened, I swear. He just found my bra last night, then he saw me half naked this morning, and there was the hand on the thigh thing, and then he hugged me without a top on when you didn't come home for dinner, but it was because I spilled the wine and then I fell asleep and had a sex dream and oh, also I kissed him once, but it was just cause he was cut" you say almost all in one breath and Arber puts his head in his hands and you can hear him say "not helpful" and Kaiden just stares at you, blinking.

"Start again please" he says, and you can tell he's trying to be calm, and fair, that was a lot of information all at once. "Ok, umm, so somebody" you raise your eyebrows at him "threw my bra across the room in the kitchen last night and I tried looking for it this morning, but couldn't find it, and came out into the kitchen looking for it and to my credit, it was 6:30 and I didn't think he'd be up, so I didn't put on pants" you say, trying to be calm and factual and resist the urge to crack jokes because as ridiculous as it is, you know it's also serious.

"I had to piss" Arber states, somewhat helpfully. "Yes, as this gentleman here put it ever so classily, he had to use the facilities" you state. "Ok Judge Judy, this isn't a trial" Kaiden says, but you can see he's no longer tensing his jaw and you are able to relax a bit.

"So he saw me in my t-shirt and panties. And I may have fallen, and he may have caught me, but it was totally innocent, I promise. Just awkward. And embarrassing." you say, naturally blushing at the memory, which kinda helps your case. "Very awkward. Not at all romantic no ulterior motives" Arber adds and Kaiden nods.

"Then when you didn't show up for dinner I sorta got drunk and threw my phone and spilled wine on my shirt and I was really upset and kinda drunk and crying and trying to wash the wine out of my shirt when Arber came home and he just wanted to make sure I was okay. I was kind of a mess" you admit. Kaiden softens visibly and puts his arms on either side of your torso, holding you, but still at arms length. "I'm sorry babe, I swear I didn't do it on purpose" he says gently and you step forward into him "I know, and you have to believe me, he was just trying to help me, like I said, I was a mess" and Kaiden chuckles and brings you into his chest "yes, I've seen you drunk" he quips. "Hey" you say, without any heat, and look up at him and he kisses the top of your forehead. You close your eyes and hope that this whole thing can just be over now.

"What about the kiss? Kaiden asks calmly, but you feel his muscles tense in his neck. You clutch him a bit tighter. "Don't be mad, it was nothing" you say, nuzzling into his chest, but he doesn't fall for it and gently pushes you away. "Tell me" he says. You nod and bite the top of your lip. "Last night, before you came home. He'd had that fight in the game and came home cut up. I looked after him the way I used to look after you" you say, brushing his face, concern etched all over it. "I guess I was doing it from muscle memory or something because I didn't even realize I kissed his hands until I pulled them away from my mouth" you say, earnestly looking up at him. He breathes out, relaxing again "so you just kissed his hands? That's it?" You are gearing up to tell him the rest, unsure how to explain that Arber kinda asked for it when you hear a voice behind you that says "no, that's not all of it" and you drop your head on Kaiden's chest, closing your eyes.

"So who's gonna tell me what happened?" Kaiden asks, his voice almost free of emotion. It's eerie how little he seems like any version of himself. He's not the sweet caring boyfriend, the big, physical hockey player, or the dominating sexual partner. It's like he's a caricature of himself without any defining features.

You want to say something like it was only a kiss on the cheek, but you don’t want to diminish his feelings, and you know deep down it isn’t about the kiss. It’s about the vibes and tension between you and Arber lately, and you know that isn’t nothing. “I had a cut on my face, so I asked her if she'd kiss it too" Arber says, running his hand through his hair then rubbing the back of his neck.

Kaiden moves you out of the way, the space between them is charged. "So you asked my girlfriend to kiss you" Kaiden states. "Kinda, I guess" says Arber, not backing down. "So what, you're going after my girl? Is that what this has come to? Is that why shit's been so weird?" Kaiden asks. You hold your breath, not sure if you're supposed to answer, but not sure what you would say if you had to.

Arber is a wall in front of Kaiden. Unmoving, just accepting what's coming "look, you can hit me if you want, but honestly, I don't know what's happening here. Yes, I asked her to kiss my face, I didn't mean to, it just happened. And yes, I saw her half naked this morning, and then shirtless this evening. And yes I had a fucking boner on the couch while she was moaning during her sex dream or whatever, I'm not denying it, but like, dude, that last one is beyond my control" he laughs harshly, knowing it's not funny.

Kaiden backs off and walks in a circle, hands on the back of his head. You're still frozen to the spot. You didn't expect Arber to say all of that, and you're slightly embarrassed about the moaning during the sex dream and just trying to process everything.

Kaiden turns around and walks towards you. You lock eyes. "Do you want to add anything? he asks, staring you down. "Umm no" you reply "he kinda said it all" you say "nothing really happened. We’re not hiding anything, but I’m guessing you’re not really mad about a face kiss, are you?” Kaiden shakes his head, his hair falling into his eyes. “I’m not stupid, I know there’s something between you two, but I thought you’d talk to me about it.”

He’s right, you know he’s right, but how do you start that conversation? “I wanted to, but I mean, your reaction to this isn’t quite a five star review, babe. It’s…complicated. I know you know how much I love you, but yeah, Arber and I have been spending more time together and, I guess I’ve had some feelings…but then last night you and I” you blush, cutting yourself off "and I just didn't get a chance."

You start to wonder if you've been reading Arber’s reaction all wrong and he wants nothing to do with you and now you've dragged him into this whole awkward situation and he's going to have to move out and maybe get traded cause Kaiden's stupid girlfriend couldn't control her crush and...

Kaiden steps forward, reaching out for you again. "I can see you spiralling. I trust you. And I'm sorry again for missing dinner" he says. "I know" you respond. He kisses your forehead again and Arber shuffles behind you. "Am I like, free to go here or what?" he asks.

You can feel Kaiden raise his head to look at Arber. He nods and you can feel Arber start to walk away. Just as you hear Arber open his door Kaiden asks "what were you dreaming about?" You hear Arber stop. "What?" You reply, panicking slightly. "On the couch when I came in and you were, umm, moaning a bunch, what were you dreaming about?" "Uhhh, sex?" You say coyly and Kaiden looks down at you. "Come on, you can tell me" he says, rubbing his arms up your back "what was I doing to you?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

Kaiden tilts his head to look at you and you look up and Arber is standing in his doorway also listening.

You laugh and then take a deep breath. All in, right? "Ok, so I don't want to start this whole thing again, but it was you and me in bed, but uhhh, Arber was kinda there too, please don’t kill him" you trail off and brace for it all to start again.

Kaiden takes a deep breath. "So, what was happening?" he asks calmly. "You really want to know?" you ask and he replies immediately "yes, tell me" and he grips your arm tightly. "Are you mad?" you ask, making eye contact. "I'm not mad, I just, I don't know, it hurts to think that maybe you don't want me anymore?" he says, voice going up like a question and his eyes full of vulnerability.

"Baby" you say cupping his face and trying to send all the love to him through your eyes "that's not it at all. I love you so so much. I love us and our relationship and I feel like I don't want anything to change, but that's not how the world works. Things have changed so much since the NHL and we can't ignore that. We don't have the same time for each other and we're also growing up and changing. I don't want what we have between us to change. Or I do, but I want us to change together, does that make sense?” you say as you feel yourself babbling. You truly don't know how to explain all the feelings you have.

"Yeah, that makes sense" Kaiden says, leaning his face into your touch. "I don't want to lose you baby, and I feel like yeah, things have changed so much and I was worried. And Arber is my best friend and my teammate and like, that could get really awkward if I had to beat him up or something" he laughs.

You smile at Kaiden, but you can feel Arber’s dark eyes boring into you. It's impossible to read. You don't know the romantic relationship side of him, it may be entirely different than the roommate side that you have experienced so far.

"So are you going to tell me what we were doing in your dream that got you all worked up?" Kaiden asks, and as you look up at him you see his expression has changed and it feels like your entire body is flushed. Is it possible that he is into this too?

"Umm, well, we were in bed and" you look at Arber and he is holding on to the doorknob with white knuckles and standing stock still "you and I were kissing, and then Arber was behind me and he sort of put his hand right here" and you put Kaiden's hand on your hip "and then he..." and you trail off as your breathing picks up and you and Kaiden have locked eyes and you start moving his hand down your hip and in between your legs on top of your leggings, and god why is this so hot?. "Did he move his hand like this? he asks, cupping your sex, which feels red hot and you whine, your shoulders heaving with your breath "yes" you say on an outward punch of breath.

"And did you like that, baby?" he says, leaning into your ear, his breath softly tickling the shell and god, you could just melt into him. "Yes" you say again, softly. "I see" he says, holding his hand steady between your legs. "And then what" he asks, patiently, like he could do this all night, meanwhile you're three seconds away from jumping him. "He" you said, pausing to look at Arber. He is frozen in place, like a deer in the headlights, but make it horny. He looks like he wants to tear your clothes off, but also he is not moving. You have never seen another human stand so still in your life, except now that you look closer, you can see his chest and shoulders moving in deep inhales. He's into it too, you're positive.

"He put his finger inside me" you whisper, blushing at saying it out loud. A smirk unfolds on Kaiden's face "why don't you say it a little louder, I'm sure he'd like to know what he's been up to in your active little dream life, wouldn't you, buddy?"

Arber stops breathing and looks at you, panic and heat in his gaze. "Um" he says, stepping forward. "I don't really know what to say here." Kaiden turns around and takes in all of Arber, including the very obvious protrusion in his pants which you just noticed. "Well, my girl here had a dream with the two of us in bed, and I love her very much and want to give her whatever she wants, so are you in or are you out?"

"What the fuck dude, a minute ago you wanted to kill me for like, sitting on the couch with her, now you want me to fuck her?" Arber says, which you think is pretty reasonable. It has been a complete 180, but knowing Kaiden, you're not surprised. When he's in on something, he's all in, and he can make a decision pretty fast. You hold your breath, waiting for Kaiden's response.

"Well, that's when I thought that you'd been making moves on her, but if this is something she wants to explore, I'd rather it be with you than some random dude from a bar or something. I trust you. And I trust her. You can think about it if you want, I don't want to pressure you or make things weird" "YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE THINGS WEIRD BUT YOU JUST ASKED ME TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND" Arber shouts and part of you wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of this, but Kaiden is standing so close and now Arber is too and everything about this is just super hot and you can't really concentrate to be honest.

"Well" Kaiden says "technically it's just fingering so far" "FINGERING IS FUCKING, KAIDEN. IT’S A SEXUAL ACT" Arber yells again and you can't help it and you burst out laughing. Arber starts laughing as well, incredulously shaking his head and pacing in a circle and Kaiden says "am I the only one that's kinda turned on by all this? Like, I'm not joking, this sounds kinda hot."

"It is baby, it's just a bit ridiculous and we're all tired and confused and it's been a really long day." "Yeah, one in which my roommate has seen you almost naked twice and I have not seen you like, at all" Kaiden says pouting. "Whose fault is that now mr. I forgot to take my phone off airplane mode, and don't say Marty because you know he'd take his phone off airplane mode and text his wife right after a meeting" you say, accusingly. "Yeah, but his wife probably doesn't make plans for dinner with him and not tell him about them" he says, jokingly and you both burst into laughter.

Arber is still standing halfway between the two of you and his room. He clears his throat and interjects "so, what exactly is going on here?" You look at Kaiden and he nods "whatever you want babe, you're in charge here" "yeah, until we get into the bedroom, they you're the boss" you smirk and Arber coughs again and you tell him "he's super bossy in bed" and Arber rolls his eyes "I'm not surprised" he says with a laugh.

You take Kaiden's hand and focus him on you "I love you so much baby, and I wouldn't do this if I didn't think our relationship could handle it. Yes, recently I've been attracted to Arber, but that doesn't take away from what you and I have, I think it only adds to it. And if he's up for it, and you are, I'd like to invite him into our bedroom. We can talk about it all together, and you guys can talk. This only works with lots of communication, but I keep thinking about it and I really really want…both of you." You bite on your bottom lip and it feels like your hands are shaking from nerves. You didn't feel this nervous with Kaiden the first time, but this really feels like laying your feelings out bare.

Kaiden's eyes darken and he looks between you and Arber "I'm game if you are, buddy" and Arber swallows hard. "You don't have to say yes right now, you can think-" "I'm in" Arber interrupts. You bite your bottom lip again, looking up at him and he leans down to capture you in a kiss and you both moan deeply and you hear Kaiden say "fuuuuuuck" as Arber grabs the back of your neck and pulls you to him.

[letteredlettered]

I remember reading a post from a while back you wrote about being an acerbic prickly person who at the same time was sensitive & would need to be with someone who could be gentle with you when you were like that and not be acerbic back. I think about it a lot because i feel i am that way too and it’s made me think more about my own issues in this area and also who is a good fit for me and i was wondering if you remember that post and know where it is. i often lately think about how grateful i am to have people who can be nice and gentle with me when i need it and realize i am not being prickly because i am mean or hate them but because of other complicated emotional things i probably don’t understand in the moment and i can say these days often , i know i am being prickly, you’re great, please be nice to me. anyway you might not remember but i couldn’t find the post so if you happen to know where it is i would like to read it again. if you don’t know what i am talking about you can delete this.

Anon, I looked for this and cannot find it. I vaguely remember the post, but I remember the sentiment 100%, because I am still very much this way.

Basically, I need to be around people who manage anger differently than I do. I get really angry and yell. If I'm annoyed or idk, tired, I snap. And I felt like maybe I only deserved people who yelled and snapped at me, because it's bad to yell and snap, and I think I'm bad for yelling and snapping, and I don't deserve better.

But it turns out, not everyone finds being yelled and snapped at the end of the world. It sucks, yes, but some people prefer it to other methods of dealing with anger: silent treatment, passive aggression, tears, gossip.

None of these behaviors are actually bad, or at least, they don't make you a bad person. If you need to be quiet because you're angry, that's fine. If you need to make some catty remarks instead of saying what you're angry about, that's fine. If you need to cry, that's fine. If you need to tell someone else your feelings before you tell your partner/friend, that's fine. And if you need to yell, it really can be okay for some people.

But none of these things are fine if that's all you do, if you never communicate about what upset you and work on fixing it. People talk about passive aggression like it's the worst thing in the world, but honestly it works better for me a lot of the time, because I can see that someone is upset; I can prepare for it; I can ask them what's up at a time that works for both of us. I don't get yelled at; horrible things aren't said. The only thing that's wrong with it is if they never tell me what the problem was--either because they lied when I asked, or I didn't ask because I didn't notice, and they just decided not to say anything.

I don't like yelling or snapping. I work really hard not to do it. But in the end, there's only so much about myself I can control. I've worked on my anger problems all my life; I can't decide I'm broken just because I can't change myself completely; I can't hate myself because I can't perfectly fix myself. What I can do is work as hard as possible, which involves trying to resolve anger in myself and trying not to hurt others with it, but also involves communicating clearly with those around me.

So, it's great to be able to say to others, "I know I'm being prickly right now." But I also take the time to a) try to understand why I'm being prickly, b) try to figure out what will make me not prickly. A lot of times I'm tired or stressed, and just time by myself, away from people, will help give me a calmer state of mind, preventing prickliness. But sometimes something about the person is bothering me, and I need to tell them, and instead of snapping at them, I need to have a clear and open conversation about it. But another step is c) acknowledging what might've been hurtful in my behavior, asking how the other person feels, explaining myself, and apologizing.

It does mean often making myself vulnerable, which can be a lot. But there are people whose world doesn't end when you snap at them, who have the understanding and empathy to see where you are coming from, and can forgive you. I'd just say that if you're never hearing about their feelings or dealing with their anger, there is probably some kind of problem there. I've been around people who I felt were just absorbing all of my anger and never talking about the way it made them feel or their own anger (despite my attempts to communicate), and imo, that's a toxic relationship. So, besides someone who expresses their anger in a different way, you also need a great communicator, and to work on communicating yourself, as much as possible.

Sounds like you're doing that, so I hope things work out for you <3

[skeletoninthemelonland]

I'm sorry about what you're going through with your family. Personally I've never had to move out quickly, but I've been in tight situations to stay out and this is what worked for me. Everything I'm outlining is assuming you're in the US and that you're 18+. If you're younger than 18 you're parents can report you missing and that's a whole shitload of problems.

1. If you don't have a job, get one. Even if it's part time and entry level. Barely any money is better than no money. If you can get a job making good tips, even better. But do what works for you. If you're worried about transportation, look for jobs in a city that has public transport and jobs near either bus or train stops. You can also Google how to build a resume if you don't have one.

2. Try to make a budget as best you can. That shit is hard and frustrating and it seriously sucks. But you'll be able to figure out exactly how much you need for rent, groceries, transportation, and utilities. To get an idea for rent prices, check out Zillow or apartments.com in cities you're interested in. Preferably close to your job so you can spend less on transportation, but not many people get that lucky.

2.5. Look in Facebook, Craigslist, and other sites to find roommates. Roommates will DRASTICALLY decrease your rent cost. But meet them ahead of time, make sure they're legit. Online stalk them, talk with them, their contact info EVERYTHING you can know about them to make sure they're a good fit for you.

*you can do 1 and 2 interchangeably. If you don't know how much you'll need to make to afford an apartment, check out apartment prices first, then look for jobs in that area*

3. Reach out to anyone who can help you move. I know that's hard, but the worst people will say is no (I know that sucks too and I'm sorry I even had to write it) but if people in your life know your situation and that you're trying to leave, that you're working on a tangible plan, they'll be more likely to help.

4. If you're worried about not being able get back in once you're gone, try to pack things discreetly as possible and take only what's important so you can get it in one go. If you've got money to rent a moving truck, even better.

5. Keep tabs on any bills your parents might be paying for you, like a phone bill. You'll need reliable internet to help find jobs and places to live. If you don't think you'll get to have that, get a library card. Libraries have public access to computers and the ability to hook you up with a TON of community services. Plus library cards are free which is nice.

I'm sorry that's all I've got off the top of my head. I hope you get the help you need!! You are loved 💜

thank you so much!!!

though i'm not from the US, some of the things you listed might work for me. i also wanna figure out how i can leave with someone else so we can both work together to sustain ourselves, so i think that should count as a roommate? i can't really abandon them.

i wanna try finding a temporary job (though college classes are suspended now, once it returns they'll take majority of my day) and make comissions.

[sotogalmo]

8 (5? days ago) — 9:48

Honestly. Writing on the Wall by Will Stetson, makes me think of lots of our Alnst OCs, but like. I dunno how to explain it- (I'm dissecting them all like frogs)

Song (Writing On The Wall, by Will Stetson):

“Palaces of silver and gold, Cannot be designed overnight. It's like the saying I've often been told: "No matter the cost, do things right"

You have to be careful, you have to be diligent. Planning and measuring every detail. Creating is drawing, erasing and drawing again.

And I've never been in it for fame or attention. I only work hard so the structures won't fail. But seeing it finished is worth every Mora I spend

Within every building made with pride. The architect lives on inside

Shining paint, a marble heart: That's what makes a work of art. We build and we play, sculpting dreams out of clay

With the hope that our towers don't fall. That we won't have to see the writing on the wall

The more you work, the higher the stakes, and the bigger the sorrows to drown. 'Cause one mistake is all that it takes for the walls to come crumbling down

You have to ignore them, the echoing voices, that cackle and curse as you toil away. Cover your ears and focus on boxes and lines

And the shadowy figures, they're nothing but shadows. Like ink on a page, they have nothing to say... But maybe, just maybe, they're trying to give me a sign

That in every building made with pride. The architect remains inside

Peeling paint, a heavy heart: That's what makes a work of art

We scream and we pray. Sculpting dreams out of clay

As we try not to look at the scrawl. The message of doom, the writing on the wall

Every day we play this game of chance. Whirling through a desperate dance. Sketching visions in our heads, just to see them ripped to shreds.

This road that we share... Doesn't lead anywhere

But there's nothing an artist can do. When you swing your brush, you have to follow through

Within every building made with pride: The architect is trapped inside

Bleeding paint, a shattered heart: That's what makes a work of art

I'll fight for control. But the right way takes a toll

And still, at the end of it all

I can't escape my fate

The writing's on the wall.”

So, those are the lyrics. And now I will be connecting them to almost all of our OCs or the best I can that it, which will be under cut! (I gotten more weird at the end, but eh. I hope you don't mind it???)

"Palaces of silver and gold, Cannot be designed overnight. It's like the saying I've often been told: ”No matter the cost, do things right“." — the intro lyric, which I think fits almost all of our OCs. But it mainly makes me think of Solei ( @solei-eclipse ) and Rose ( @rosedeleca ). Rose has made a gift for Solei, and Solei has made a gift for Azure ( @4listr ).

"You have to be careful, you have to be diligent. Planning and measuring every detail. Creating is drawing, erasing and drawing again." — once again, goes with the top. How Rose and Solei are both very artistic, making gifts for others. But also Himei ( @lookatmysillies ), if I remember correctly, she can make clothes!

"And I've never been in it for fame or attention. I only work hard so the structures won't fail. But seeing it finished is worth every Mora I spend." — Azure, Solei, and others. I mean, it's fitting ain't it? Azure practically says the same thing when interviewed (even though he really doesn't care at all). 'seeing it finish is worth every Mora I spend' can go with how the others react towards being given a gift

"Within every building made with pride. The architect lives on inside." — smth smth, I just find it,, nice?? That like. After para made their OC, we all jumped in to join them. I like to think that para was the starting point on how far we've come; like the glue that holds this community that we build!

"Shining paint, a marble heart: That's what makes a work of art. We build and we play, sculpting dreams out of clay" — The first lyrics 'shining paint, a marble heart: that's what makes a work of art' kinda makes me think of Moran ( @geospiral ) and Tov ( @ivanttakethis ). 'we build and we play, sculpting dreams out of clay', I dunno I dunno. Just the fact that Solei made a butterfly gift for Azure. Maybe they used clay? I dunno

"With the hope that our towers don't fall. That we won't have to see the writing on the wall." — animation with a metaphorical area that only a few characters look towards; it's like a church of sorts. I guess it can be said that the church looks like some vampire castle? Or some abandoned church that is! They look towards it, and just. Stare- like there are words there or a ghost of sorts. Dian ( @rockwgooglyeyes ) and others that share his personality, are half looking at it while also looking towards the future with a relaxed and “cocky” pose if that makes sense. The ones looking back are the ones with the opposite of Dian and others' personality. They are staring right at it, and the ones FULLY optimistic (Flor I would say?) are FULLY looking away from the abandoned church, and looking into the bright side of the wall? Or of the sky.

"The more you work, the higher the stakes, and the bigger the sorrows to drown. 'Cause one mistake is all that it takes for the walls to come crumbling down." — Solei, and their whole escape. Sai vs Vera ( @junebluues ). And others planning their escape or something similar

"You have to ignore them, the echoing voices, that cackle and curse as you toil away. Cover your ears and focus on boxes and lines." — Rosca, and others with a somewhat similar mean personality. Ignore them, and just live on. But of course, they are also the same. To ignore them is to ignore the aliens. And that's what they want to do. That's why she (Rosca) likes her (Flor).

"And the shadowy figures, they're nothing but shadows. Like ink on a page, they have nothing to say... But maybe, just maybe, they're trying to give me a sign." — Aliens, are nothing but aliens and observers. Don't they do anything helpful. We are in the garden, and it's nice! .. but what they tell us.... Why is it always repeated?

"That in every building made with pride. The architect remains inside." — 'remains' in many ways. Body parts, no matter the area. Or even no matter the blood that oozes or just bursts out. 'made with pride' is what the aliens share when they talk about them, dead or alive.

"Peeling paint, a heavy heart: That's what makes a work of art." — 'that's what makes a work of art', is what most alien guardians will say when they talk about the troubles that some pets make. 'peeling paint,' faces and facades are falling. 'a heavy heart', Tov. She understands it well. Even if she really doesn't, she does feel it. Others as well- but by her logs and reactions.

"We scream and we pray. Sculpting dreams out of clay." — The stage, that is what this explains. To show our dreams to these beasts who have no souls. To scream 'it 's so much fun!' 'i like this!' or anything they want to hear. To pray? Impossible, the church is crumbling.

"As we try not to look at the scrawl. The message of doom, the writing on the wall." — 'Message of doom', always to know our end; prophesized. It's easy to forget it just for a little moment. But it'll never be enough.

"Every day we play this game of chance. Whirling through a desperate dance. Sketching visions in our heads, just to see them ripped to shreds." —

"This road that we share... Doesn't lead anywhere." — Onyx and Dian, Isla and Monica ( @nottoonedin ), Flor and Rosca, Tallis and Himei, Daiki and Tina ( @teapotuser ), and many others. To be separated. To be gone.

"But there's nothing an artist can do. When you swing your brush, you have to follow through." — As said in these two lyrics. Nothing else to do, but to follow or be gone forever.

"Within every building made with pride: The architect is trapped inside." — Solei, with the whole fact that I just KNOW that their presence HAUNTS the narrative, and how Solei was the.. basically the building block for this whole season and this community that we made together. Moran and others too. They were the ground, why is it now so easy to fall off?

"Bleeding paint, a shattered heart: That's what makes a work of art." — Bleeding. Everything is bloody. I don't like it. ‘shattered’, is my world. Even if not, but for others. “That's what makes a work of art”, bastards.

"I'll fight for control. But the 'right way' takes a toll." — I want to live for myself! I WILL live for myself! ..... But, I'm scared.

"And still, at the end of it all" — No matter how much I don't want to feel it.. or know it

"I can't escape my fate. The writing's on the wall" — I can't... oh God. Two dead bodies, Solei is missing. ... Another one was added.

The flowers always wilting, ghosts to haunt and of different states of minds or feelings.... (~ piano; outro. Along with some Dark Wood Circus lyrics)

[grison-in-space]

Question about dog breeding/breeds, if you’re ok with answering:

I’m a would-be dog owner, never had one before, and I really want to get a companion dog from a breeder/group that is ethical and aims to produce healthy litters, but… I also understand that healthy litter =/= healthy gene pool, and it would be great to support breeding efforts that promote the welfare of the breed as a whole rather than the specific animals they sell. How the HECK do I identify breeders that promote ethical breeding for both healthy animals and population diversity? (I live in Australia, not sure if that makes this harder to answer or not)

(I mean ideally I’d adopt a rescue but there are pros and cons to that and, as a newbie, I’m not going to take on an animal I can’t adequately care for. And also I can never find rescue dogs of the breeds that work for my lifestyle)

So I don't know Australia as well as some other folks (@farm-paws?), but I do know that the best way to figure this out is to find out where breeders are talking to one another and listen to the things they say. The second best thing to do is to just ask breeders producing dogs you like: how do you breed with an eye towards producing the dogs you want, and how do you breed with an eye towards making the whole breed better?

The thing about this question is that there's lots of ways to answer it, but how a breeder answers that question given your breed's context will help you figure out how much they're thinking about each. And it does mean thinking very clearly about things you value. Any person trying to achieve a goal with limited resources, which describes many passionate breeders, is going to have to make trade offs based on resource limits. Increase the genetic diversity of the population as a whole, or win big at a given sport?

Let me get you some examples under the cut.

Here are a couple of examples of what I think of as pretty nice kennels I would be happy to consider approaching for a dog, if they bred dogs of a type I currently want to own and I wanted another dog. (Some do, some don't, and I won't have space in the inn for several years yet anyway.) They are unfortunately American--without knowing your breed of choice it's hard to figure out how to navigate the Australian scene--but most of the tips should carry over okay. Because Dog Culture can sometimes be really black and white and mistake cultural markers for meaningful ethical distinctions, I'm going to try and share a wide range of perspectives, orientations, and viewpoints here from breeders who think about long term breed improvement.

Wayout ACDs: This post on the importance of collecting and storing semen from older, sometimes long dead dogs is a great green flag that this breeder thinks deeply about the long term future of the whole population--especially given her emphasis on these older dogs who might not have contributed heavily to the gene pool in their younger, living days. Collected semen from old dogs who aren't closely related to younger dogs can be a great way to help broaden and revitalize a larger population.

Border City Bullies, coming from a breed with a relatively low incidence of health testing and some big cultural variations, has a ton of resources available on how health testing works, what to do about it, and how to responsibly move forward even if a dog fails a test. The breeder here clearly feels very strongly about teaching and encouraging other American Bully breeders to start monitoring longer term health as a breeding goal and fostering a community of breeders who want to work with each other to make the dogs healthier. I love this approach. Especially when population bottlenecks are not a major problem but health monitoring is, building a better breed community is also a signal of someone who is thinking about their breed over the very long term.

Woodpont Beagles. I really like this breeder as an example of someone who keeps his dogs differently to mine, but who has firm standards for their comfort and care nevertheless. I also admire this breeder's ability to assess two "camps" in his breed that don't communicate much and do his best to take the best from each perspective. Finally I really like the emphasis on the successes and failures of breeders from the past: a good vision for the future often includes a deep knowledge about how we got to the present.

The Functional Dog Collective is probably a good place to check on, even if it's heavily North America based; my understanding/experience is that while there is certainly a lot of disagreement within the broader community of breeders, that's a spot where anyone with an interest in long term breeding for health in particular is going to pop up. The Institute for Canine Biology is another good place to look around for people in your breed of choice who are broadly interested in evidence-based approaches to more healthy breeding, too.

[ofmermaidstories]

Hi Mermie!! I'm such a big fan of you and your writing has genuinely comforted me during some really tough times, you're the absolute best i'm hooked and forever grateful for the fact that you share these pieces of art with us!!! It makes me want to get into writing honestly, but i've never done it before so i feel like i'll do bad, and i'm also not someone who's big on social media presence so i feel like nobody will see it if i don't promote it somewhere else, additionally i don't know all the intricacies of posting on AO3!! Like i know you can't copy and paste your WIP from word directly there has to be things to consider surely?? This is so discombobulated i'm sorry 😵‍💫😵‍💫

I post from mircosoft word into the New Story/Chapter function on ao3!!!!!!!! 🥹 Honestly, you can work your way around the fiddly stuff with the site—it looks more overwhelming than it is. 😌 but for everything else: just do it!!! write!!!!!!!!!! write write write!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don’t fret too much about like, needing a social media for promo. what you want the social media for is to connect with people who otherwise might not wanna comment on ao3 itself, or lurk more around here, etc etc. 🥺 you want the social media to entertain yourself with, to post your musings on your chapters or your playlists, or even your fears about the whole thing. 🥺 if people find your account and your stories via that then ooo, bonus. 🥹 the hardest pill to swallow with like, doing anything online for recognition (comments, notes, kudos, etc etc) is that beyond the love you pour into the work itself, you can’t control anything else about its reception. 🥺 how people respond to it (and you by extension) depends on a range of factors!!! what time you post (weekends are better, sundays US-time best), what fandom and ship you’re writing for, whether or not it’s a school holiday (american summers tend to be pretty quiet, i’ve noticed), just—stuff!! some of them you can try to anticipate (like when you post), but others are outta your hands (if a particular ship is popular in that moment, or whatever). I was pretty lucky in that I found myself in the fandom during the perfect time—x reader fics in general were all over my FYP on tiktok, BNHA was even more popular than usual, and everyone was still a little stir-crazy from the original upheaval that was COVID breaking out and isolating us all. and the thing is, when i started it was just me entertaining myself, both with the fic and being on this blog. i hadn’t made any friends, i didn’t know anyone in the fandom like, at all, even just as a friendly lil mutual follow—i just puttered around and got excited when a couple of people were nice to me about the fic. my experience of the community only really changed when i made my first real friend, because i suddenly had someone to scream about BNHA and fics in general with. 🥹 I dunno (I can’t remember) if I’ve ever talked about it here on the blog, but like, there was a wild difference in how it felt to write surrender when it was just me pottering around lalalaing, vs. when i started in on the deku fic and suddenly realised that there were outside expectations for it, LOL. which is why i say just write!!! it’s hard feeling like you’re pouring all this love and hard work into a void that’s indifferent to it, but it’s also so so much fun when you start out just wanting to tell a story for the thrill of it!!! It’s like… when you first get your driver’s license, maybe. 🥹 In that sweet in-between before you realise how expensive cars are and how much damage they can cause. It’s just the excitement of having wheels that can take you wherever you wanna go, to a friend’s house or to get ice-cream or to sit at some lookout and just think about things. Write the story you want, the story you wanna read, and all the other pieces—figuring out how to post it and whether or not people will find it—will fall into place afterwards. 🥹 Just start writing!!!!!!!! You deserve the fun of piecing together something you love. 🎐🪟🌷🌿

[paradeparade]

Then this is for posterity as well

but mostly anger

Cleared the 2nd Episode of Umineko. It took about the same amount of time as far as days are concerned. here's the time if you even care.

I have plenty but also nothing at all to say on it. mostly in regards to the murders within. so ill keep everything else as brief as i can

I really like the Furniture scenes. Jessica & Kanon's romance is the kind that I like a lot. whatever that means cause I sure don't know. similar compliments both his and Shannon's encounters with the Witch. the rest is hard to communicate for me so whatever

The fight scenes are appreciated, although this is a sound novel foremost so I'm not sure why I was expecting Witch on the Holy Night. very silly, very shamful.

Rosa is Rosa. comfortably occupying that position of characters I hate while also not hating, in spite of how she is. Nice to see whoever gets the gun gets character development all the same.

The Text is also Red now. which beats shotgun scrabble any day of the week. but it has its caveats... maybe

Marisa Kirisame

spoilers. for most maybe, for you maybe not.

Mostly the Difficulty

ouch. My personal opinion is that 1st's Standard was for the Reader since the main cast don't bother trying, so the solutions have to be easy. The 2nd's Extreme is for both Battler and the Reader since Beato isn't fuckin around and the Real Game has really started.

it really shows. I had a hard time until about the end, in which i maybe figured it out. so, to you i grant semi-unrestrained thoughts on it.

im sorry. (this isnt in red)

ok so, Servant room murder is basically impossible because they wont tell you what the 'Kanon' was actually, this makes it hard to figured out what even happened in the first place but that's besides the point. the real point is when Beato is breaking down Battler and is going over the 2nd twilight where she counts Jessica's corpse as one of the inhabitants of the room, leading to her softly accusing her of murder enabling Battler to spiral further. this set off alarms in my skull because in my own Beato infused fugue state I confused it for Jessica's corpse being the killer themselves. and i couldn't tell you if this works but it also might apply to the final room where they are pretending to be Shannon's corpse. the problem arises because Beato said Jessica's Corpse, yea like that. so is it still her corpse or is it just an obfuscation by Beto because she isn't lying, but what if its only Marisas because everyone views it as such so therefore it isn't a lie. much in the same way the Fight scenes are "real" it is only a truth being fed to you, YOU by the Witch.

tldr Beatrice=both corpses. the time gap allows this. not sure about servant room murder because imagine making sense

that's all I've got, there's a thunder storm outside, I'm going to bed

[downforthegas]

Fart kink asks (all 25 bc why not)

Woah uhhhh damn thank you so much!!! I'm glad I can finally answer the questions I've always wanted to!!! Here we go:

When did you realize you were into farts? Age 16 when I first learned how to touch myself

How did you figure out you were into farts? Probably fart jokes in shows, you know how it goes (live action scooby doo movie ruined a generation lol)

What’s your favorite type of fart? Quite a lot. Bubbly, wet, bassy, rumbly, silent, squeaky, etc. The kind that smell awful, like rotten cheese, milk, or eggs

Are there any types of fart you don’t like? Of course not. Farts are farts. Even the short, quiet ones have their charm

What about farting do you find most appealing? Probably the smell but sound is really hot too. As for the types of farter, I'm a big fan of embarrassment, but confidence is also suuuuper hot depending on what I'm in the mood for

Do you have a preferred length or volume for farts? I mean not really but I find myself fantasizing about long farts. Even hyperfarts that last for hours maybe even days on end (i guess I do have a preferred length lol). As for volume, any is fine, but if it's long, its extra hot if its bubbly and quiet or silent

Does farting turn you on on its own or do you need to already be in the mood? Farting can turn me on in an instant like a switch

Do you have any other digestion-related kinks? Ooh so many. Burps, piss (I think that counts), scat, and vomit (but not for real, just in my head). Even general stomach issues like bloating and indigestion and even heart burn are hot

Do you have any other kinks that you enjoy being paired with farting? Farts and burps, farts and bloating, farts and scat, farts and spanking, farts and tying up, ugh the possibilities are endless

Is farting a must in sexual situations or is it more of a bonus? It's sort of a must but I don't want it to be. I try to get off to regular stuff with my partners (we still do farts stuff too), and I do but its hard bc its always been farts I've touched myself to. But I'm willing to change. Besides, not using farts helps me last longer

Have you ever acted on your desires IRL in an explicitly kinky manner? With myself? Yes. Not yet with my partners though

Is having a partner who can fart well important to you? Not really but it's nice when you have it, like I do right now hehe

Does anyone you personally know know about your kink? Two of my friends, one I still talk to. They're both really accepting. I think I told my sister but she was probably so traumatized, she forgot lol

Has anyone ever noticed/suspected your kink without you telling them about it? Not yet. Thank god though. Maybe my sis is getting suspicious but I'm not sure (if she really did forget)

Is there any media that you enjoy specifically for farts in it? Not a specific media in particular (I imagine my faves farting more if they're from medias with no fart jokes) but I do like looking at fart comps on youtube, mostly from cartoons

Do you have a favorite farting-related content creator (on tumblr or otherwise)? For fart models, I love Love Rachelle, Selena Loca, Santana Redd, Emma Ink, and Natasha F. For artists, there's too many to list but I love a lot of twitter artists like Carafalsa, ProButtonMasher, GasTank, and Solloros. For people on Tumblr, I love @sweetbubblies for their ocs. They include a lot of hyperfart stuff and I think they got me into diaper stuff. @grossgeck is awesome too. They're extra weird like me and it makes me feel less alone in this community

Would you ever consider recording your farts? Oh I recorded SO MANY of my farts and posted some here.

Are you a shy farter or do you fart freely? Depends who I'm around. Around fam? Strangers? Friends? no. Best friends and lovers? Yes but I get a little hesitant with best friends hehe

Are you good at farting? Uhhh well my farts smell bad and some can be like 5 seconds so I guess I'm good. But I'm EXCELLENT at pumped farts. I can fart on command and I can suck in a lot of air

Do you prefer farting yourself or hearing others fart? Either way I'm happy lol

Have you ever gotten into trouble for farting in a place or situation where you shouldn’t have? Ooh not yet but I have fantasized about trying that in a public setting somewhere. I am into humiliation after all

Have you ever gotten turned on by farting in an inconvenient place or situation? Again, no, but it turns me on to think about

Have you ever tried to make yourself gassy in order to fart? Oh I kinda do it all the time! Whether it's with food, chocolate milk (my love) and pumping air in me

Do you have any favorite foods or drinks for encouraging farting? Spicy foods, leafy green veggies, super greasy foods, and chocolate milk/regular milk

What’s your biggest fantasy involving farting? Me and both my current partners are gassy and they can both fart freely around me, but I have to have a plug in me until they say I'm allowed to pull it out. If we're having sex, I'm not allowed to take it out until I cum. Maybe they make me take it out in public so I'm forced to fart in front of a bunch of people. Or they need to be in the hot tub after sex. But there's no hot tub. But hey, there's enough bubbles in my system to make it one

[roleplayfinder]

Hey guys! I'm looking for mxm fandomless rps! (Don't worry I'm not replacing anyone.) I ask that you do be at least 18 and above before you decide to interact with me and any of my plot ideas. Even though one is fluffy, light and SFW, I am over 21 and I don't want to rp with minors!

Plot one is a little dark;‼️TW‼️ if you don't like kidnapping or yandere themes/forced relationships skip ahead!

My muse and your muse have been friends since middle school. They did everything together and I mean EVERYTHING. Played the same sports, shared the same friends and even went as far as making sure they had matching classes just to be with each other. They were really close and it has always remained that way. That was until my muse found a pretty lady he liked and she got in the way of our muses relationship with each other. After all these years, your muse has developed a massive crush on my muse and didn't want anyone else to take him away from him and my muse girlfriend had done just that. So, your muse takes it upon himself to kidnap my muse and keep him locked in your muse's home, away from everyone else. Of course, your muse would successfully kidnap my muse and keep him for himself, just not that easily. My muse isn't a small delicate man, but he isn't as tall and strong as your muse would be. My muse would eventually be put into submission my yours though! Once your muse gets mine where he wants him to be, my muse begins to see just how screwed up and love drunk your muse is for him and how he’d do anything to feel that love back, even if it's forced.

Now, plot two is very, very contrasting to plot one. This one may be a long shot as well. 🤷🏽

Our muses are in a nice healthy relationship though your muse has some past trauma (or maybe just bad mental health?) and is looking for a good way to try and cope with all the mental health issues they have. One day, while at a therapy session, your muse's therapist recommends trying age regression as a way to cope. Desperate to find any healthy way to escape the invasive thoughts in their head for a while, they go home to their partner (my muse) and brings up the idea. Willing to try and help your muse fight the battle with their trauma/mental health, my muse agrees to give it a try with yours and the two find that it's quite hard to grasp at first— as they both are still trying to figure everything out— but it's also something with positive results towards your muse. The two are pretty much living day to day life trying to get used to this new coping skills your muse wanted to try!

I am a semi lit writer, 1-3 paragraphs per reply and use discord or telegram to communicate. I am in the EST timezone and literally have nothing to do everything for the next few weeks so I'll be chronically active for a while! I RP on discord and I have just set up a new kik account to RP on as well, if any are interested, pm me here, add my discord (arynburrsir.) or note this post and I'll get you ya! I look forward to chatting with you all!

arynburrsir.