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#and Michael Guerin deserves a friend like maria
phoenixwitch13 · 8 months
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Michael Guerin Deserves Better Than This Shit
I love both Michael and Alex, and I especially love Malex. I have my crack ships pairing them with other people, but there's no other ship I want more in canon than Malex. That being said, I get really annoyed with Alex stans (I use the word stans instead of fans because they are usually crazy fans who only love Alex and low key seem to hate Michael) who act like Michael is some monster for having dated Maria and like Alex should have been furious with him. Now, I hate Miluca as a ship and Maria DeLuca as a character, so it's not about liking the ship as one of my crack pairings. No, it's all about the fact that for ten years, Alex walked away from Michael. For ten years, Alex broke Michael's heart (I know he had his reasons for his actions and I understand them, but this is still what happened). And for a matter of weeks, Michael dates someone else (because he was not actually with Maria in canon for more than a few weeks and it was, as she said, on a non-exclusive trial basis), and suddenly he's some big bad monster who hurt Alex beyond repair? Sorry, but no. He doesn't deserve to be hated for that. Not when you don't dislike Alex for leaving him over and over again for a decade. You know who Alex should be angry at, though? Maria. He has no right to be angry with Michael for not believing he would stay this time and for trying to move on with someone else (not saying he can't feel hurt, but he doesn't have a right to be angry with Michael the way some stans wanted him to be). But he can be angry with Maria for getting together with Michael after finding out about him being in love with him when she claims to be Alex's best friend. Alex can be angry with Maria all he wants because she was a crappy friend, but being angry with Michael for dating someone else, no matter who that person was, would only make him look like an ass, which is probably why he had no anger toward Michael on the show. The people who think he should be angry with Michael look like hypocrites, especially since many of them happily also ship Alex with Forrest or Kyle or sometimes even Max, Michael's brother. So, what? Only Alex is allowed to be happy with someone else when the love of his life leaves him? Michael just has to suffer? This post is not supposed to be anti Alex. I love him and don't actually think he did anything wrong in canon. What I'm calling out is the behavior of his stans, which is really not cool. Michael doesn't deserve that bullshit, and I think if Alex was a real person, he'd be pissed at anyone who thought Michael deserved for him to be angry with him and to suffer the way some fic writers try to make him.
Also, if you disagree, know you won't change my mind on this, so don't waste your time typing something out to rant at me, okay? I'll probably just delete your reply without finishing reading it. Maria DeLuca stans DNI. Miluca stans DNI. Crazy Alex stans who hate Michael even though that means Alex would hate you, DNI.
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salty-star-child · 5 years
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Another Malex AU - Part Three
Another addition?? what is going on?? the answer is that malex has taken over and I love Michael and Maria being close friends so, uh, I think I’m gonna keep doing this for the whole lost decade oops
part one, part two, part three
Maria is behind the bar, cleaning down the bar top, while Michael spins a pencil between his fingers.
He’s worrying at his bottom lip as he stares down at a piece of paper and a glossy photo. She moves down the bar to stand across from him.
“It’s a letter, Guerin. It’s not that hard,” she tells him, giving him a small smile. He glances up at her for no longer than a second before they’re back on the paper. The paper that’s only got the words Dear Alex written in Guerin’s chicken scratch handwriting.
“I just—I need it to be perfect,” he mumbles. He sounds as distracted as he looks so she snatches the photo.
Guerin isn’t fast enough to take it back from her.
It’s of Michael and Alex out in the desert, looking happier than she’s ever seen either of them, with guitars in their hands and the back of Michael’s truck behind them.
“This is a really nice photo,” she says as she hands it back. His cheeks slowly turn a pinker hue.
“Thanks. It’s my favorite, actually.”
“Who took it?”
“Max. He and Alex were partners for some lab project and needed a ride out. He’d forfeited a weekend of car privileges in exchange for Isobel’s help in one of his many attempts to ask Liz on a date.” Michael smiled wistfully. “I didn’t even realize he’d taken a picture until he’d had it printed out for me. I had him get a copy so I could send it to Alex.”
Maria raises an eyebrow, head tilted to one side with a contemplative look on her face.
“Does Max, you know, know?” She asks.
Michael’s cheeks flush and he avoids her eyes guiltily.
“I…haven’t said anything to him yet, or Iz,” he confesses. “If he does know, he hasn’t, like, said anything to me about it.”
“Well, if he doesn’t,” Maria hums. “The two of you must’ve been quite something out there to inspire such photographic genius.”
Michael snorts and shakes his head at her dramatics.
“Anyways, no one’s asking you to tell them anything until you’re ready to,” she tells him. “For all the rumors that went around about Alex, he didn’t actually tell Liz and me outright that he was gay until junior year.”
“Seriously?”
“Mmhmm. Nothing’s ever easy in life, but it’s certainly easier when you’re comfortable in your own skin. Of anybody round here, figured you’d know that much.”
Michael bit his bottom lip and returned his eyes to the paper in front of him. Slowly, he placed the pencil to the paper and started to write. She smiled and went back to pretending she wasn’t watching him worry over the very first letter by cleaning.
It took two and a half hours—Maria gave up on using cleaning as a pretense once she’d cleaned everything twice and just sat next to him as he wrote and erased and rewrote—but he finally finished the letter. She watched him carefully fold the letter into uneven thirds with the picture in the middle. He held it out to her, face directed away from her and cheeks flushed. She couldn’t help the teasing smile on her face.
Maria placed one hand on his shoulder, lightly squeezing it as she took the letter from his fingers.
“You’re not…gonna read it, right?” he asked. The innocent nature of his embarrassment was endearing in a way she’d never really considered him to be before.
“You mean you didn’t give it to me to proofread?” she teased. The glare he sent her would’ve been much more frightening if it weren’t for how red his face was. “Alright, alright, no need to get your panties in a twist. I’m not reading anything; this letter is between you and your boy only.”
She tapped the end of his nose with the corner of the letter as she slid off the bar stool and went back around the bar. She ducked underneath to look for the small package amongst the organized chaos beneath the bar. Pulling it out, she brought it up to show Guerin the contents.
“Mom made him a batch of cookies, but I can’t guarantee they’re edible—she made them to ‘cleanse his aura’ or something. Said she had a feeling he needed it,” Maria told his as she carefully placed his letter on top of the cookies. “I think, paired with a letter from his boyfriend back home, his aura will be cleaner than ever.”
Michael huffed a laugh that sounded as skeptical as it did amused.
“Oh yeah? Well, if the psychic says so, who am I to disagree?”
Maria taped up the small box and slapped on the tag with where and who to send it to that she’d printed out that morning.
“Wanna come with me to deliver it to the post office?” she asked him.
“I would, but…the whole point of sending the letter with your stuff is so Chief Hardass wouldn’t catch wind of it. Pretty sure he isn’t under the impression we’re the ‘walk each other to send mail’ kind of friends.”
Even disappointed, Guerin’s snark never failed to rear its head whenever Jesse Manes entered a conversation.
“If you’re sure…tell Max I said hi. I’d ask you to tell Real Life Barbie too, but I don’t want to. No offense.”
“Nah, I get it. Isobel is…an acquired taste,” he smirked. Maria gave him a look.
“Those are some nicer words than I’d use, but that’s one way to put it,” she said while she glanced at the time. “I really gotta go if I wanna get this to the post office before it closes. I’ll let you know when I get something from Alex.”
“Thanks, DeLuca,” he told her, quiet and sincere. “It’s—it’s really…nice. Being able to talk to someone ‘bout it. Like this, I mean.”
“It’s surprisingly nice for me too, Guerin,” she said. “I’m glad I still have one friend around at least.”
The smile on Michael’s face shifts. Something a little disbelieving, a little hopeful, and a lot scared. Nodding her head once, she set the package back down and went around the bar again. Michael turned on his stool and raised an eyebrow at her, but she ignored it as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. His arms go limp and there’s a tension in his shoulders that grows the tighter she holds him.
Eventually, as it became clear that she wasn’t about to let go before he returned the hug, his arms slowly make their way around her waist. His hold is loose, like he expects her to jerk away. She holds a little tighter for a few more seconds.
“See you tomorrow, Guerin,” she said, backing away and grabbing the box off the bar top.
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pastelwitchling · 2 years
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(I've combined so many prompt requests - mostly because quite a few of these are a variation of the same thing - so please humor me)
“Kyle….where were you when we’d always hang out at The Pony during the Maria and Michael months?” Liz asked.
“I was always with Alex. I was the only one who chose not to lose him.”
“What is that supposed to mean?!”
&
I just love your entire one-shot fic! I've read it multiple times! I've actually read all your stuff multiple times. :) If you are still taking prompts; I have some ideas: 
1. Michael and Manes Brothers (Clay, Flint, and Greg) team up to rescue Alex. We get to see some protective and loving brothers with some protective, possessive, loving boyfriends. The bros realize that Michael is it for Alex and start to accept him better. 
2. Honestly, anything not Maria or Liz friendly...I'm not a huge fan especially since Maria knew how much Michael met to Alex. 
3. Badass Alex...with some Malex Smut....Always a favorite! 
Anyway, love your works and your other fics! They are amazing! Thank you!
XOXOXO CMT1992 or gbclt4 @gbclt4fan
&
could you write a fic about michael wanting to take things slow when they back together after 3x08 and alex thinks he is having second thoughts 🥰🥰🥰
&
prompt alex thinks that michael stopped loving him while he was with Maria because he said it to her
&
prompt: after 3x08 Michael tries to keep things slow because he wants to be solid but alex thinks he’s not all in like he thought and that michael is not attracted to him anymore
***
Kyle hadn’t expected the night to go the way that it had. He also realized that saying what he’d said at all had maybe done more harm than good, but he’d been tired and Alex had already been insecure in that quiet way of his when he was trying not to show it. His smiles were smaller, that was if he smiled at all, and the worst of all was that he was giving Michael excuses not to see him.
Alex had never been in a bad enough mental state that just mentioning Michael Guerin’s name didn’t put him in a better mood, but it was that bad now. And when Liz and Maria had called Kyle for a night out, Kyle had suspected and hoped that it had to do with Alex. Instead, they’d just wanted a night out to talk about their week. They deserved the rest, but . . . had they not been paying attention to Alex? Had they not spoken to him at all lately? Didn’t they at least want to think about what was bothering him?
But no, instead they were talking about some outing they’d had two years ago. Back when Michael had come to the Pony because his girlfriend had told him to, back when he seemed to do almost everything because he thought he had to. At least, everything except Alex. Michael had never seemed more focused, more present, than when Alex was there. Maybe that was why he’d been so distracted lately. Because Alex just wasn’t there.
“He just needs someone to talk to him,” Maria said about Michael, shrugging a shoulder.
“He needs Alex,” Kyle said. “He doesn’t listen to anyone else.”
“He listened to me,” she scoffed.
“Yeah, no offense,” he said, pulling out his own phone. Maybe Alex would respond to him. “But he really didn’t.”
“I do remember him getting distracted a lot,” Liz confessed. “Especially when we brought up Alex. Is he still not answering?”
Kyle shook his head. “I don’t know what’s going on with him. He’s been quiet since Maria woke up. I tried asking him about it, but he won’t tell me anything.”
“I think he just needs time,” Liz shrugged a shoulder. “Let him decide when to talk.”
Kyle didn’t look up from his phone as he typed in a text to Alex, asking him if he could come over. “Can’t really do that, Liz.”
“Oh come on, why not?”
“Because he needs one friend who cares enough to ask, doesn’t he?”
Kyle realized too late what he’d said, and looked up to find that Liz and Maria’s faces had fallen, their expressions stoic.
“That’s not fair,” Maria said.
Kyle put his phone down with a sigh. “Look, I didn’t mean it to come out that way, but . . . am I wrong? When was the last time either of you asked him what was going on with him, and not just after calling him for something?”
Liz opened her mouth, then her eyes turned distant as she searched her memories. “Oh my god . . .” she said, realization dawning.
“W-Well,” Maria interjected, “Alex isn’t a kid, if he wanted help, he would –”
“What?” Kyle demanded, unwilling to hear the excuses against the man that had never done anything but help them. Even when it was killing him to do it. “Ask? For a while there, you guys knew him even better than I did. Did he ever ask for help? Did he ever think he was important enough to bother?”
Liz looked dejected, Maria looked like she was still searching for an argument. One Kyle was unwilling to hear. He stood, grabbing his jacket.
“I’m just going to go check on him, okay?” He stopped, then said, “I don’t remember a lot to do with you guys two years ago because I was with Alex for most of it. Because someone had to be. Even if he didn’t think he was worth it, someone needed to believe he was.” He shook his head. “I just wish I still wasn’t the only one.”
                Kyle had changed his mind in the last second. Not because he didn’t think he could help Alex, but because he knew who Alex needed more. That was how, fifteen minutes later, he found himself pulling into the junkyard.
                As he hoped, Michael hadn’t gone to sleep yet. In fact, judging by the way he held his phone in one hand, his finger tapping the edge, his beer forgotten in his other hand, Kyle guessed it would be a while before Michael’s mind allowed him to rest.
                He stepped out of the car and as he came up to Michael, he said, “He won’t pick up.”
                Michael didn’t look away from the phone, and managed a humorless smirk instead. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
                Kyle heaved a sigh as he took a seat himself, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “If you want to see him, you’ll have to go bang on his door.”
                Michael turned his phone over, looking into the flames of the bonfire. “If he doesn’t want to talk to me, I’m not gonna beg him.”
                “You kind of already are.”
                Michael glared. Kyle turned to face him.
                “What happened last week?” he insisted. “That’s when all of this started, so what’d you do?”
                Michael’s head snapped around. “I didn’t –” he started angrily, stopped, and looked away, jaw clenched. He sniffed roughly, and said, “I kissed him.”
                Kyle blinked, startled. “Wow,” he said, then murmured. “Finally. But wait, I don’t get it, he’s wanted no one and nothing but you since he got back to Roswell. If you kissed him, he should be happy.”
                Michael’s expression softened, a mixture of hope and fear in his eyes before resignation settled in the slump of his shoulders.
                “I told him I needed time.”
                Silence. Kyle stared at Michael, hoping his gaze could sear through his skull. “You ditched him.”
                “No,” Michael said.
                “You kissed him, then shooed him away – you bastard!”
                “I left!” Michael snapped. “I left, okay? I kissed him, told him I needed time, then I . . . I left.”
                Kyle scoffed, shaking his head. “You left him after you kissed him . . . and now you wonder why he won’t take your calls.”
                He stood as Michael demanded, “Why do you care, Valenti?!”
                “Because he won’t take mine either!” Kyle snapped. “Because when you were sleeping with his best friend” – Michael flinched, but Kyle went on, heedless – “and he felt like he was dying, I was the only one he would talk to.”
                Michael looked away, swallowing thickly, which told Kyle that he’d always suspected how Alex had actually felt about his relationship with Maria.
                “So if Alex isn’t talking my calls,” Kyle shrugged, “who’s he got? Who’s he talking to?” He huffed. “I know you like to pretend you don’t care what happens to him, but the thought of him curled up all numb and alone hurts, so I’m begging you, even if you don’t want to, go talk to –”
                “Don’t,” Michael growled, pushing himself to his feet, “think you care about him more than I do.”
                Kyle held his gaze. “I don’t think anything, Guerin,” he said coldly. “I know it. And I’ve known, since day one, that he deserved so much better than –”
                “What?” Michael smirked bitterly. “Better than me? You think I don’t know that?”
                Kyle shook his head, startled. “No,” he said. “Better than what he got.”
                Michael’s expression slowly fell, his trembling lower lip revealing his true misery before he turned away, taking his hat off his head with one hand just to run his other through his curls. Michael looked to Kyle, angry, jealous, miserable, then he turned around to his truck, got in, and drove out of the junkyard.
                Kyle sat back down slowly, rubbing his hands together and exhaling shakily. “Finally,” he whispered.
                *
                Michael had gotten as far as Alex’s front porch. He’d decided he would just storm in, find Alex, and kiss him senseless until he knew just how loved he was.
                Then he reached up to knock and stopped. What if Alex was sleeping and Michael woke him up? What if Alex was tired or angry, and just needed time? Worse, what if giving him time was exactly the opposite of what Michael was supposed to do?
                He’d thought his time with Maria had prepared him for this, to know how to be a good boyfriend, how to act like others would want him to . . . but he’d forgotten how different Alex was. He’d forgotten the exception he was. What worked with other people rarely applied to Alex. All he’d ever seemed to want was . . . Michael himself. Not what Michael could do, or would do for him . . . just Michael.
                His thoughts cut off abruptly as a light turned on inside. His fingers itched at his side. So Alex was awake. Maybe he just got up for a cup of water, but it was the only chance Michael would get.
                Before he could think twice about it, he knocked. He waited for what felt like hours, or it could’ve been seconds, before the door opened to reveal a tired Alex on the other side. Michael noticed a few things very quickly. He noticed the dark circles under Alex’s red-rimmed eyes, he noticed his stubble had gotten thicker, he noticed Alex’s grip tighten on his crutch, he noticed his disheveled hair, and . . . he couldn’t help but think of how beautiful Alex looked in all of it.
                “Guerin?” he frowned. “What . . .” he looked around as if expecting someone else to be there, too, like maybe Kyle had forced Michael to come. Michael’s heart ached at the thought. “What are you doing here?”
                Michael swallowed. “You won’t answer my calls.”
                Alex shifted. “I do answer.”
                “With excuses to hang up, Alex,” Michael said, frustration seeping through despite his attempts to filter it out. He couldn’t help it though. He’d been away from Alex for too long already. “We need to talk.”
                Alex searched his face, then his shoulders fell and he sighed, resigned. “Yeah, I guess we do. Come on, I just put some coffee on.”
                He turned, leading the way inside. Michael frowned as he closed the door behind him. “Coffee? Now?” He came into the kitchen and found Alex’s computer open with too many tabs. “Have you slept at all?”
                “It’s a little harder for me,” Alex mumbled as he sat down. Anyone else might’ve missed the way he winced, like his entire body was in pain, but Michael paid too close attention to everything to do with him. “Just get it over with, okay? Please.”
                Alex was staring intently at his computer as he said this, his fingers curled to a fist beside his keyboard.
                Michael sat down, watching him. “Get what over with?”
                Alex clenched his jaw, looking up to meet Michael’s eyes, betrayal and fear flashing through them. “Y-You’re not actually going to . . . make me say it, are you?”
                Michael set his hat aside, dread climbing his chest. “Say what, Alex?”
                Alex huffed a disbelieving breath, looking away, his eyes glassy as he shook his head. Then he seemed to brace himself and he said, “That you don’t love me.”
                Michael stared. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. “What?”
                “Please don’t do that,” Alex begged, brows furrowed. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. I . . . I know you told Maria you loved her. I know . . . you begged her not to end things,” he ground out, every word painful for him to say. Michael felt his heart cracking. “And I know that’s why you left after our kiss. You needed time to . . . to try to love me again . . . to decide if you even could, and . . . to settle for me when you’d already had better.” He looked down. “When you’d already been with someone that” – he pulled his right leg in against his left, hiding it behind the counter, hiding it from Michael – “wasn’t broken.”
                “Alex . . .” Michael breathed, appalled and unable to say or think anything else.
                Alex wiped the back of his hand against his nose as he sniffed and rubbed his eyes, exhaustion coloring every inch of his movement. “So if you’re here to tell me you can’t be with me because I’m not . . . I’m not good enough, or – or I’m not whole enough then I’d rather you just say you don’t want to be with me and –”
                Michael slammed a hand on the counter, startling Alex and silencing him. “All those times you left, did I avoid you? Did I give you excuses? You asked for time, too, remember? You asked for time and I . . . I . . .” he faltered, Alex’s heartbreak more evident than ever as he looked away.
                He had asked for time and Michael had . . . slept with Maria. Michael had slept with her because he’d been so broken about Alex. He’d wanted someone to help him forget, anyone. Looking at it from Alex’s eyes, it must’ve seemed like Michael couldn’t wait to get away from him. Like he’d been looking for any excuse to be with Maria.
                He stood, coming slowly around the table.
                “Don’t, Michael,” Alex shut his eyes. “I don’t need you to soften the blow, I don’t need excuses, just . . . leave. Please –”
                Alex fell silent as Michael took his face in his hands and softly slotted their mouths together. Michael exhaled slowly, unable and unwilling to pull away from Alex more than an inch, eager to breathe in his air. Alex slowly reached up and clutched his jacket, but not because he wanted to tear it off. Alex held onto him with trembling fingers like he didn’t dare hope that what was happening was real. That Michael would really stay.
                “Don’t do this,” Alex begged in a whisper, his voice cracking. “Don’t hurt me like this, please –”
                “I love you,” Michael whispered, and Alex fell silent. “Alex, I love you. You think you’re not good enough for me?” He dropped his hands to Alex’s shoulders, his grip painful. “Why do you think I left in the first place? Why do you think I got scared?”
                “Scared?” Alex huffed a miserable chuckle, turning away. “You’re never scared.”
                Michael ran a hand up the side of Alex’s neck, up to his hair. “I wasn’t until I met you,” he said. “Then I had something to be scared of.”
                Alex slowly met his eyes again, filled with tears that fell this time as if they’d been waiting to. “Me?” he whispered, eyes fluttering as Michael brushed his tear away with his thumb. “Why are you scared of me?”
                “It’s not you I’m scared of,” Michael said with a helpless smile, but it fell apart at his next words. “It’s losing you . . . that freaking terrifies me. I self-destruct, Alex.” He shrugged miserably. “You know that. What if I self-destruct and send you away for good? What if I hurt you, too?”
                Alex shook his head, reaching down to clutch Michael’s waist bracingly. “What if you don’t?”
                “I . . . I don’t know how to be good enough,” he confessed.
                Alex looked insulted, holding on tighter. “Guerin, you are the best there is.” He looked down Michael’s chest, his stomach, back up to his face as his hands clutched fistfuls of his jacket. He laughed wetly, and it turned into a cry. “I really thought you’d leave.”
                Michael pulled him in, hugging him tightly, shushing his cries softly into his hair. “I’ll never leave you,” he promised. “Never.”
                They stood there for a long moment. They stood there as Alex’s computer screen turned black, as the coffee turned cold, as the exhaustion got to Alex and he started to doze off. Michael held him tight, kissed him wherever he could reach, as he encouraged Alex to wrap his arms around his shoulders and he carried him to bed.
                Morning sunlight poured into the window as Michael held Alex, as Alex slept in his arms, his hold on Michael just as tight, even in his dreams. Michael didn’t dare sleep for fear that he’d wake up to find that all of this had been a dream.
Then there was one point when Alex’s eyes opened and he saw Michael there, watching him. Wordlessly, he traced his fingers down Michael’s cheek, his jaw, the touch making his eyes flutter, and he leaned in to rest his head against Alex’s chest. Alex’s arms came around him, holding him there.
“You should talk to Valenti,” Michael murmured, eyes shut as he listened to Alex’s heartbeat against his ear. “He’s been worried about you.”
“I know,” Alex whispered, pressing a kiss to Michael’s brow that made him moan.
“Not as much as me though,” Michael said, falling asleep to Alex’s warmth. He felt Alex’s laugh against his curls and a pleasant shiver ran down his spine.
As Alex reached for his phone and started to dial, he held Michael closer and, sounding more sure than he ever had, said, “I know that, too.”
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lovecolibri · 2 years
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These reviews continue to deliver nothing but truth bombs.
Alas, we need to keep in mind that there are two separate issues. The first is fans missing Alex. The second is everyone missing a good story.
Alex’s absence did not cause the terrible writing, the incoherent plot, the overly packed narrative, or any of the other issues that have occurred. All you have to do is look back over the show’s history to know that these problems have always existed.
There was absolutely a way to make Alex a part of the show without the audience seeing him. It also would have tightened up the writing by giving the narrative more coherence and making room for better character arcs.
Alex’s disappearance should have been all Michael, all the time. It could have gone like this: We take the not seen sex to the bedroom and make it seen. Michael “all impulse” Guerin in the throes of passion puts a handprint on Alex. It would be the queer version of Liz being thrown into a bookshelf or Maria knocking down a painting. Now, Michael and Alex are connected. Alex gets sucked into the alien sandpit. He’s distressed. He’s scared. He’s confused. Michael feeling this rush of emotions collapses. Michael becomes possessed with finding Alex. He spends hours, days in his lair. Alex finds a way to communicate with him, growing Michael’s obsession. He feels, through the connection left by the print, Alex getting weak. Michael feels the sickness coursing through his body, and then he realizes that Alex is dying. Michael is now frantic. We then pick up with Kyle and Michael finding a way into the portal, and Michael entering.
This didn’t happen because the writers have never known what to do with Maria, so they toss her leftovers or storylines that rightfully belong in the hands of another character or worse yet give her a plot that adds little to the season’s overall narrative. It also didn’t happen because the show was full to the brim with guest stars.
***
With only two episodes left, the writers decided to pack a proposal into the episode. They’ve wasted tons of time, so now there is truly no time to waste. Michael accepts Alex’s proposal and let’s it be known that’s he’s so in love with Alex that it’s embarrassing. No, what’s embarrassing is that this show wasted so many season not taking advantage of the chemistry these two generate. These two deserve the proposal and their happy ending, but I'm still peeved that it was rushed.
Do we think they’ll get married in the pocket dimension?...I’m of two minds. Mind the first: Their crap friends don’t deserve invites to the wedding. Mind the second: Unless you subscribe to anarchy, the marriage isn’t legal until you sign the certificate, so sure go ahead, get married in the upside down.
The proposal and almost-not quite celebration sex is interrupted by Alex confessing that he’s dying of radiation poisoning. And this was the moment when all I could do was chuckle and shake my head in disgust. Not because I was surprised, but because Alex remains the writers’ favorite punching bag. I mean, Liz vapes alien mist and gets a Wild West adventure; Alex does his job and gets radiation poisoning. Similar.
***
One would think Michael and Alex could have their reunion moment without any intrusions...Sadly, the writers decided to slap the ice cream out of viewers hands by dragging Maria into the conversation. Even when we don’t see Maria, we have to hear about Maria. Apparently, she created something. The words Alex spoke were 93% too made up for me to follow.
***
I’m highly amused that Max and Michael have been traipsing around Roswell with the mark of Ophicius etched on their bodies. We basically have a situation where someone sees a cool letter or symbol from a language they don’t speak only to discover their new tattoo says ‘dead chipmunk sex is the best sex.”
***
I’ve decided not to ask how Clyde knows everything because then I’d have to ask about the burned grove of trees. It’s another moment where you stop and wonder how writing can be this awful. I mean think about it. Alex saw the trees and then someone burned the trees. Whomst’d burned the trees?...Do we really have time for another mystery or will this simply be an illogical complication for the sake of adding just one more complication? I dare say we know the answer, but I’m willing to be proven wrong.
***
Roswell, New Mexico is the psychological equivalent of believing you’ve caught Santa coming down the chimney only to discover it’s the clown from Poltergeist gnawing on a bloody reindeer leg. You can’t unsee it. You can’t forget it. And in your heart of hearts, you knew the moment was too good to be true. It was never going to be Santa. It was always going to be a bloody nightmare.
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royal-ruin · 3 years
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roswell nm fanfic recs (part 2)
other roswell new mexico fic recs here personal favorites are starred, by the way. everything is complete unless stated otherwise.
so this is it for my current malex bookmarked fics.
michael guerin / alex manes (malex)
we burned down our paper house by Ravens_Words (~15k)
"Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. Epic."
Scenes from a lost decade.
i've only kissed out of fear by lostin_space (~15k)
in which michael and alex get married out of high school
Librae by Enchantable (~9k)
[“Good thinking,” she says, “should I get you fake rings? I can probably make them think there was a marriage certificate or we can cut up mine and Noah’s, god knows I don’t need that thing—“
“Iz!” She stops and looks at him, “I didn’t make it up.”]
You ask me to enter, but then you make me crawl by jule1122 (~6k)
He strides back into Kyle’s office with a cockiness he doesn’t feel. He doesn’t answer any of the questions about where he went, just takes the paper from his pocket and hands it to Kyle. “Show this to whoever is in charge and tell them I will be making all of Alex’s medical decisions, and I demand immediate access to my husband.
yes, i have a thing for malex being secretly married. i don’t get it either.
The Real Thirsty Housewives of Roswell, NM by christchex (~3k)
From his seat in the Airstream Alex could hear it all, but he could only catch glimpses of Michael. A shirtless Michael apparently. He heard one of the women outside discuss how she bought new tires just so they could watch Michael replace them.
“God blessed that man with an ass,” one of the thirty-somethings said, the Late Brunch group as Michael called them. “And he blessed me with eyes to look at it, so damn it I’m going to.”
this was absolutely hilarious. i’ve read it like four times now and i practically die of laughter every single time. 
Truck Stop Knives And Other Accessories of Childhood by Lori Lane (LoriLane) (~13k)
[Liz took a cautious step forward and the little boy's hand clenched into a fist inside his jeans pocket.
Michael watched this exchange and warned, “Don’t touch him Liz.”
Liz didn’t let her eyes leave the boy, “He’s your inner child, Michael. He’s adorable.”
“My inner child will stab you.”
She spun around at that, “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Michael just shrugged, “His hand is in his right pocket. There’s a switchblade there. I stole it from a truck stop when I was ten. Blue handle. Keep stepping closer and I’m sure he’ll show it to you.”
The little boy looked at Michael with betrayal and the older man just raised an eyebrow, “Don’t stab my friends.”]
the way you laid your eyes on me by LogicalBookThief (~4k)
From a young age, Alex learns to rate his pain. Your homophobic dad figuring out you're gay before you do ranks somewhere around an 8. Your friend abandoning you for the same reason ranks a little lower, though just barely. Losing a limb is probably the closest to a perfect 10 he's ever managed to get.
Losing Michael isn't even on the scale, it's so unthinkable.
if you love malex angst, this is the fic for you
The Cowboy Vigilante by el_gilliath (5 part series: ~13k)
The stories of Alex Manes, reporter and the vigilante known as Cowboy.
These are their struggles in New York City, featuring robbers, kidnappers, hostage takers and Chief Police Captain Jesse Manes
isobel evans / maria deluca
this love asylum, like an island (just me and you) by lacecat (~10k)
Bisexual. She’s never said the word out loud to describe herself. When Michael had said it to her, in his Airstream, she had realized that, and thought, maybe there are some things worth bringing out, that don’t deserve to be hidden.
She just wishes that her wedding-rebound-fling hadn’t been with DeLuca, out of all people. Goddamn it.
i wish i had more isobel / maria fics :(
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nellie-elizabeth · 2 years
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Roswell, New Mexico: Subterranean Homesick Alien (4x03)
Not to be predictable, but an episode without Alex Manes is never going to be my fave. Plus I thought a lot of this was just kind of boring and underwhelming? Let's dive in.
Cons:
So, there were a couple of characterization things in this episode that felt like someone was writing these characters without the full context of their growth. Max, for example, being a little keyed up and nervous and overcontrolling about the new aliens, sure. That tracks. That makes sense. But his hostility towards Michael was a little over the top, and it wasn't addressed meaningfully in the episode. Liz had to babysit him through his feelings and get him to admit that Michael had a good idea, which I found sort of annoying. Also, maybe this is just a me thing, but I hate it when Max uses the name "Guerin" for Michael. It doesn't fit for them.
Speaking of Michael, I rather liked him in this episode for the most part, but I find the inconsistencies in his relationship to music to be sort of annoying. The first time we ever see Michael with a guitar, when he's explaining that it quiets all the noises, he's saying that to Alex. It's part of their origin story together. So when he's telling Bonnie he taught himself how to play, when the two of them are bonding over that, it's weird that there was no verbal or even visual callback to Alex whatsoever.
And then there's Maria. Look, I'd consider myself a defender of Maria DeLuca, but really only because people seem to have so much hatred towards her and I think it's over the top. Maria is great in the same way all the other characters on this show are great, in that she has a lot of flaws and a lot of shining qualities. She's complex. However, I will admit, one thing that's sort of frustrating about the way Maria is written is that the show, and the other characters, never really acknowledge her flaws. Especially not in season three or in season four so far. In this episode, she behaves recklessly trying to get her visions back, and Dallas is there to patiently be there for her and help her find the answers in a different way. It really bothered me when Maria couldn't think of a single bad or selfish thing she's ever done. Maybe the idea of being a martyr, of putting yourself in danger for the sake of feeling like you belong, is a flaw, Maria. And if it's a flaw she can't recognize in herself, that's fine, but it's strange that the show doesn't seem to really recognize it either. I hesitate to even type any of this out, because Maria gets enough hate around these parts, for things she absolutely doesn't deserve to be hated on for, but I'm not a fan of her being lionized as the selfish, unproblematic, perfect friend either. That's just not accurate, and frankly, it makes her a less interesting character!
I liked the stuff with Isobel and Kyle this week, but I do need to point out that Anatsa plying someone with alcohol was really awkward and uncool. I hated that it was framed as Anatsa trying to be good at her job, when in fact what she was doing was really fucked up. Also, I think I'd like Anatsa more if we'd gotten to know a bit more of her before she was partnered up with Isobel... as it is, I feel like I can't quite connect to her. The actresses are doing their best to give us that passion and connection between the two women, but it's hard to deny that Michael Trevino and Lily Cowles have a much stronger automatic chemistry on screen. Contrasting that with Anatsa and Isobel's interactions made the issue a lot more obvious to me.
Obligatory complaint about no Alex Manes has to go here... I hope we get a bit more mention of him or even a glimpse next week. We'll see!
Pros:
Max and Isobel had an all-too-brief conversation in this episode, and I was reminded of how much I love their brother-sister bond. More of this next time, please! I love the silent ways they support one another.
Dallas and Michael make such a good team, I loved their pool scene at the start of the episode, and then their mind conversation while Dallas is getting information from Graham Green. They have a great vibe and energy as brothers. I really liked their scenes together, because Dallas comes alive as a fully fleshed out character to me when he's bouncing off of Michael. I was a little less entertained by Dallas and Maria's scenes, but I still liked them okay, and I love that Maria recognized what a great and supportive friend Dallas is being to them all.
Liz is continuing to balance the different aspects of her life, chasing down exciting science leads but also helping Max deal with his emotions and concerns, and learning to enjoy the quiet moments with him when she can. Honestly, such a glow-up for our girl Liz, I am all about it. Shivani seems like such an interesting addition to Liz's character growth, in a weird way... like it's clear that she's not exactly a saint, but I believe that she thinks she's doing the right thing, and her motivations (to save her sick daughter) are certainly sympathetic! I can't wait to see where this goes.
Michael is a calmer, more settled version of himself in this episode, and I kind of love to see it. After getting pep talks over the past couple of weeks from Dallas, Sanders, and Alex, he's now in a place where when he sees someone in distress, he wants to help. I like the fledgling connection between Michael and Bonnie. Mostly I like it because I like some angst, and if Bonnie is connected with Tezca, once Michael finds out that Alex is in trouble, I anticipate a bit of a falling out for this new friendship... but also I like seeing Michael be sweet to someone, he's very good at it. The scene at the end with him showing Bonnie the guitar and her strumming on it was honestly super adorable.
Kyle and Isobel just... sparkle with each other. You gotta feel bad for Anatsa, and for Kyle's date, because the second these two are talking, you can just see how well they click. Kyle is well aware of his feelings, and is in fact trying to work past them. Isobel seems unaware that she might have feelings back, and there's trouble in paradise with Anatsa when she confronts her about keeping secrets. Like I said above, Anatsa and Isobel just don't draw me in the way I wish they did. I am more invested in Kybel than I ever thought I'd be!
At the end of the day, I definitely found this episode a little bit boring. As I keep saying in these reviews, I'm not here for the plot, I'm here for the interesting character relationships. So the screen-time we spend on our new triad characters, the machinations of the scientific discoveries, none of that is ever going to draw me in as much. I guess we'll have to see what next week gives us. We've got Jones missing, and Eduardo mind-whammied, Alex in a hole...
And still no Rosa Ortecho!
6.5/10
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notsowrites · 3 years
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Untitled 3x02 Coda #1
If RNM isn’t going to give us Malex, fine. That’s what fanfic is for.
---------
Outside the cave, far enough that Jones can't hear him, Michael lets go of all the anger and frustration that's built up over the past several hours. Hears tree limbs snap and rock tumble and crash around him, and when he opens his eyes it looks like a small tornado has passed through the area. His truck is untouched, right where he parked it outside the cave entrance, and Michael runs a hand over the driver side door, taking a deep breath. He does feel slightly better now, his skin no longer feels too tight, his mind isn't racing quite so quickly.
He drives. Away from Jones, and away from the caves. He thinks of stopping at the Pony, drowning himself in alcohol - except for the fact that Maria is still angry at him. But he won't apologize for that. He still can't believe how reckless she was, jumping off the roof of the Crashdown in some dumbass attempt to trigger her visions.
Thinking of her reminds him of her words again, how she'd pointed out he never seemed to have any ill effects from using his abilities. How had he not noticed? How had Max and Isobel not noticed? Had they chalked it up to the booze and acetone? Did they really think he was that much of a drunk to never say anything as they chugged acetone after using their abilities?
Alex had made comments. Several, over the past couple years. Ones that struck him to his core that Alex would assume something like that. Maybe he deserved it, choosing booze and acetone to quiet the chaos of his mind, needing to silence it somehow and not knowing how.
Even when he tries not to think about Alex, his mind eventually settles there, and Michael tries not to think too hard about that. What it means.
He realizes he's a block away from Alex's house, and turns down the street. The lights are off, except for the yard lights, and Alex's SUV is missing. He lets the truck idle, as he looks over the house, mentally scolding himself why he'd ended up here of all places. Alex doesn't need to hear about Michael's issues.
It's probably a stupid decision, Michael thinks, as he turns off the engine and pushes open the door, walking around to the rear of his truck and pulling down the tailgate. He's spent enough time tonight sitting outside his trailer, lost in his thoughts. The change of scenery might be good - even if this is where he ended up.
What Michael doesn't expect is Alex's SUV to appear not soon afterward. And what he really doesn't plan on seeing is Alex in his dress blues uniform as he steps out of the car. The shirt is open, hanging loose and revealing a white tshirt underneath. There's something clutched in his hand that Michael can't make out, and thinks maybe it doesn't matter.
"What are you doing here, Guerin?" Alex sounds tired. About as tired as Michael feels.
"I was trying to clear my head, and I just-" he stops and shakes his head, realizing how stupid this was. "I'll get out of your way." 
"No, that's not-" Alex takes a step forward, his hand reaching towards Michael, like he's going to stop him. "That's not what I meant. Sorry, it's been a long day." 
Michael laughs. "Tell me about it." He nods at Alex, trying to indicate his uniform. "Fancy Air Force thing?"
Alex bites his lip, and turns away, like he's debating talking about it at all. And Michael knows Alex has his secrets, doesn't always tell people what he's doing - hell, he up and left for a year to clean up Project Shepherd and barely told anyone. "Something like that."
Michael nods, understanding. But he also knows Alex is lying, he just doesn't understand why.
"You've been gone so long - there's a lot happening here too." 
"Kyle told me about Max. I'm so sorry, Guerin."
"You know, last year, after everything, after nearly losing him, I thought things were getting better. Maria broke up with me, you disappeared - but I had Max and Isobel. And now-" Michael hates how deeply it hurts to think about losing Max again. For good. 
"But he can't be saved again?" 
"He doesn't want to be."
Alex looks taken aback, and Michael just feels frustrated. How much does he even want to tell Alex? Everything? He doesn't know. But maybe - maybe when Alex said he wanted to be friends, this is what he meant.
"How could he not?" 
"His body is rejecting Noah's heart. He's known since last year, and never said a goddamn word about it." He hopes Alex can read what he's not saying, the words he can't bring himself to say - about how angry he is at Max for this decision, for not saying anything, for not letting them try and figure out a way to save him. Because he doesn't know what he's going to do if Max dies.
Michael's not sure he can stand losing anyone else.
"And there's no other aliens to do a heart transplant," Alex says quietly. sitting down on the tailgate next to him, fidgeting with the thing in his hands until Michael realizes it's part of his uniform as the light reflects off a Captain's bars badge.
Except there is someone. 
There is someone in a cave out in the desert, locked up behind a cage that he built. Someone who is a replica of Max, who shares his DNA, who could be an exact match for Max.
"That's not - there might be someone."
"What?" 
Taking a deep breath, Michael closes his eyes and stubbornly chooses not to look at Alex. "Last year, out in the desert, we found the stowaway who crashed the ship. My mother - Isobel and my mother - they had locked him up down in a cave." 
"A year ago?" 
Yeah, Michael realizes how ridiculous it probably sounds to somehow else.
"Iz and I have been trying to get answers from him, about where we came from, and why we're here-" 
"Everything you've wanted to know."
This is where it gets difficult, and Michael pushes up off the tailgate, pacing around the driveway, rocks kicking up beneath his boots as he walks, Alex's gaze on him, but Michael can't focus on that right now. 
"Maybe not! Because everything he says makes me wonder if anything Tripp wrote in that journal was true. Because according to him, she and Isobel's mom engineered Max as a weapon to fight back against some sort of planetary dictator, and kept him a prisoner."
"Guerin," Alex says, cutting into his rant. "I was there with you that day at the prison. She loved you. Even I could see that. So maybe it's not as black and white as you think."
"He said she chained up a kid, Alex," he snaps, his skin suddenly feeling too tight, his mind racing too fast. "What part of that isn't black and white?"
Too caught up in his pacing, in the chaos building in his mind, Michael spins on his heel and almost runs into Alex, who is standing in front of him now, hand held out in front to keep Michael from plowing him over. But it doesn't matter, because he feels himself shatter from the inside out, the tears in his eyes spilling over. He'd already cried once today over what he thought he knew about his mother, wasn't that enough?
"She loved you," Alex insists, his voice sounding annoyingly firm. "She found a way to travel across the universe because she loved you."
He hates how Alex makes it sound so simple, as if that love should be enough. But when has love ever done him any good? He'd told Isobel once, love is the worst thing that ever happened to me and hates that it's still true. His mother had loved him, and ended up here, where she'd died without ever getting to see him. He loved Alex, and that had been nothing but pain and heartache. He loved Maria, who instead had broken up with him. He loved Max and Isobel, and yet now Max was deciding to leave him.
"To escape a dictator! To escape someone who is my-" Michael stops short, pulling his words back. He doesn't want to call someone who is a dictator his father. He doesn't want to use that word. "I'm just the product of my mother needing to convince the dictator she was on his side."
Alex reaches out, taking his left hand, the hand still covered by the bandana because of Max's stupid decision to heal it without permission. The hand that he needed to keep the reminder that it's not worth it to think there's good in anything. Michael is glad when Alex doesn't try to remove it, just wraps his fingers around the palm and holds their hands up against his chest, near where Alex's heart is. 
"Even if that's what she did, it doesn't mean she loved you any less."
He hates how convinced Alex sounds, as though the rest of it doesn't matter. He wishes it were that simple, that he could just forget everything else.
With one last squeeze of his hand, Alex lets them drop, and nods towards his house. "It's been a hell of a day - wanna come in and I'll tell you about it?"
Alex's military service is something Michael has never been fond of. The fighting, the rules, the fact that it's the reason Alex got injured - but maybe, he thinks, maybe tonight it'll be a good distraction for him.
He nods, and follows Alex inside.
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Candy Cane Lane, 16K
Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Relationship: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Character: Michael Guerin, Isabel Evans | Isobel Evans, Max Evans, Alex Manes, Gregory Manes, Flint Manes, Clay Manes, Maria DeLuca, Liz Ortecho, Arturo Ortecho, Rosa Ortecho, Kyle Valenti, Mindy Manes
Additional Tags: Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, Alex Manes Loves Michael Guerin, Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Alex Manes Needs a Hug, Michael Guerin Deserves Nice Things, Past Forrest Long/Alex Manes, Past Maria DeLuca/Michael Guerin, Sad Michael Guerin, Thirsty Michael Guerin, First Christmas, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Presents, Christmas Smut, Lost Decade (Roswell New Mexico), Baking, Stress Baking, Cooking, Jesse Manes is His Own Warning, Good Brother Gregory Manes, Episode Related, Pre-Canon, Michael Guerin's Airstream, Minor Isabel Evans | Isobel Evans/Kyle Valenti, Minor Max Evans/Liz Ortecho, Lovers to Friends, Friends to Lovers, BAMF Isabel Evans | Isobel Evans
Summary: Five times Michael and/or Alex baked or cooked around Christmas.
For @bean-me-up I do apologize for the massive wait but this seemed to turn into a massive monster the likes of which I have never wrote for a new fandom before. I hope you like it :)
Read on Ao3 here
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manesalex · 3 years
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@roswellnewmexicocreate
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten by InsidiousIntent
“Well done,” Max says from behind him, “you're a good brother, and a good soldier. Are you ready to come home now, Michael?”
Or: Michael Guerin attempts to change fate
I love the idea behind this, of Michael having to destroy his connection to this world and that that connection is in the form of Alex, because of course Alex would be the one to tie him to this world. @insidious-intent does a great job showing Michael’s struggle for memories. And I really enjoy how Alex is clearly fighting to help Michael remember.
i know he knows that he’s killing me for mercy by el_gilliath and Winged_Fool
Special Agent Alex Manes gets pulled into investigating another murder he knows will scramble his mind, like so many others has done before. But there’s something different about these murders, something that scratches in the back of his mind like an itch he can’t reach. And with the investigation comes the new acquaintance of one Dr. Michael Guerin. Someone who both peaks his interests and causes a cold feeling along his spine in ways he shouldn’t.
Meanwhile Michael wants to get closer to this new agent on the team in any way he can, be it by manipulation, therapy, or feeding him to make sure Alex can’t really leave. His secret is too big not to keep his friends close, and his enemies closer.
AKA this is a Hannibal AU. There will be darkness Inside.
I don’t normally read a lot of dark fics (too many potential triggers), but I absolutely fell in love with this one. @winged-fool and @el-gilliath do an amazing job slowly building the story to it’s dark conclusion. And I love the insight into both Michael and Alex’s minds.
Wonderful by Page161of180
  When Alex makes himself look over to meet Michael’s eyes, his breath catches at the open adoration on his cowboy’s face. ‘Feliz Navidad’ is blaring from the horns under the gazebo, and mothers are chasing good-naturedly after their shrieking children. There’s desert-inappropriate artificial pine wound around every streetlight and Michael Guerin is looking at Alex like there’s nothing else worth seeing in either of their galaxies. This is what every Christmas song that Alex has ever flipped the radio station to avoid says he should want. And he does want it. But the flip side of wanting, for Alex, has always been wondering why he deserves it, when so many people don’t get what they want. When so many people don’t get what they want because of the things Alex’s family has done.
 It suddenly all feels like nowhere near enough, the few things he’s offered, to put this soft, awestruck look on Michael’s face.
Alex Manes has everything he wants for Christmas, and no idea why someone with his legacy deserves it.
Mimi Deluca sees things no one else can-- including a world where the Manes Men never existed.
It's a Wonderful (Roswellian) Life.
This author does an amazing job exploring Alex’s feelings that he doesn’t deserve to be happy and loved. I love the way the story slowly leads to his realization that his existence and his presence are enough. And I enjoy him seeing all the things good men like him bring to the world.
Heart of Courage by Nonnie_The_Individualist
A canon-divergent look at the airstream scene in episode 2x06 because looking at that Malex kiss during that scene there is zero way those two didn't just immediately forget Maria was even in the room. This fic deals with what, for many fans, was seen as a manipulation by Maria of two injured and traumatized characters, specifically her taking advantage of Alex, and as such is absolutely NOT Maria Deluca friendly. If that's not your thing, this won't be the fic for you so be warned now. This fic starts out the same as That Scene but also includes Alex and Michael's panic and confusion over what is happening so I have separated that as the first chapter/prologue so anyone can avoid that part if needed without losing too much of the story. There is a scene in chapter 2 where Michael and Alex argue with Maria about what happened so fair warning for that as well. The rest is a lot of soft, sweet, gentle Malex taking care of and actually talking to each other.
@lovecolibri does a great job taking this 2x06 canon divergent fic through the start of that scene and the fallout after. I really enjoy the way Michael and Alex stand up for themselves and each other in it. And I love the comfort they provide each other in the last chapter, as well as all the much needed communication.
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el-gilliath · 3 years
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Maybe Forever
I did two remixes this year, and for @rnmremix I took on @daughterofelros and her story Maybe Someday which is about Michael plantsitting Alex’s plants. I turned it around, and this has Alex plantsitting Michael’s plants. I angsted in this, but the ending is still happy. Happy reading!
Ao3
It takes him by surprise when he gets the question, as it’s something he never thought Michael would ever be a fan of. Not because it’s wrong, immoral, strange or anything like that. He just didn’t expect it. Because, you know, it’s... Plants. Green things with foliage and sometimes flowers in all different shapes and sizes. Michael is rough, wild curly hair, motor oil, science and sass. Plants don't seem like something he would enjoy or care about. But here he is, down in Michael’s bunker where plants really shouldn’t thrive. But they are. Thriving, that is. Growing wild and beautiful in what is seemingly organized chaos around Michael’s science equipment and feats of mechanical engineering.
“This is what you want me to watch for you? Plants?” he asks incredulously as he looks around.
“Yeah? Something wrong with plants?”
He can hear the defensiveness in Michael’s tone of voice, and he flinches minutely. “That’s not what I meant, Guerin. I’m just surprised. I didn’t know you had them, especially down here.”
“There's nothing wrong with keeping plants down here you know.”
“I know that,” Alex says, his own tone becoming more defensive. “I’m surprised you have plants, I didn’t know that would interest you. That’s all.”
“I can have hobbies you know,” Michael replies, looking like he’s already regretting asking Alex to water them while he’s gone for a week.
Alex just looks at him, eyebrows lifting at the way Michael is acting, wondering if they can ever be close again without bickering. Michael seems to realize it too, as his posture relaxes with a deep sigh. He’s visibly calming himself down, and Alex can’t help but admire how easily he does it. Especially since he knows it isn’t easy at all for Michael, so used to keeping the charade that keeps him and his family safe up at all times.
“Sorry. I’m being defensive for no damn reason over here.” Michael sighs again, impossibly deeper this time. Like sighing takes deep stress away from him. Maybe it does, for all Alex knows. “My mom kept plants, and could grow them with her powers. I… I wanted to try it too.”
“You’re doing a great job,” Alex says, smiling at him. It’s tentative, but honest. Real. “And I’m sorry too, I was honestly just surprised, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about it.”
“It’s okay.” Michael smiles in return. “So. You think you could be up for it?”
“Yeah, I’ll watch over them. No promises they’ll be alive when you get back though.”
“Nah, you’re Alex Manes. You can do anything.”
The smile on Alex’s face turns wry, probably a bit unsure. It’s not true, in so many ways. But he appreciates what Michael is trying to do. The confidence he’s trying to instill in the face of a task Alex has never had before. Michael knows how uneasy he is when it comes to situations like this. But he’ll power through like he always does. Especially for Michael. And it’s plants. It can’t be that hard.
-----
He quickly finds that he’s wrong. So damned wrong. He has no idea how Michael created a thriving garden in the dark bunker but it quickly becomes apparent that Alex cannot do the same thing. He can water them and trim them if needed but three days into Michael’s week away from Roswell and they’re starting to droop. Sad, missing Michael, drooping. The worst part is he knows how they feel. And his life has officially turned even weirder now that he’s sympathizing with plants. But he can’t help but feel for them, as the flowers lose a little of their shine the longer Michael is away, how the leaves aren’t quite as green. Their person isn’t there anymore. Maybe they’ve given up on Michael coming back.
Kind of like Alex has. Oh, he knows Michael is coming back to town, he’s only in Albuquerque for a week with Isobel. But as the days grow longer the plants still turn sadder.
If he can’t do this one thing for Michael, how can he ever hope to get him back. In the way he wants, in the way it matters. Back in his arms, his life, preferably one day his, or even their, house. After Maria, after Forrest, after his dad.
Realizing he wanted Michael officially back, out, proud and completely took a long time. The knowledge of it not so hard, the need and want harder. They’ve wasted time, so much damn time. And here he is, surrounded by green and yellow and blue, things so important to Michael because his mom was supposedly good at it. And Alex is having the hardest time keeping them alive and well. It’s making him feel like his dad, trapping aliens behind glass walls and torturing them for kicks.
He just wants to do this right. Then maybe, just maybe, he can find the courage within to tell Michael his hopes. But it’s not looking too good. He’s tried everything, watering, giving them lots of light, talking to them, hanging out in the bunker in case it’ll help. But so far it’s not working and the plants just droop more by the hour. Michael coming home is still three days away, they’ll end up being dead if he can’t fix this. And he fears whatever progress they’ve made will die with them.
He’s out of options though, he doesn't know what to try next. He’s not an alien, he doesn’t have powers nor gifts with anything besides guns and computers. Neither which will be handy here. He looks around desperate to find something that can help.
He doesn’t expect to spot a guitar. The same guitar he tried gifting to Michael which failed desperately. The same guitar he regifted him later, after Maria, after Forrest. When death of loved ones and broken hearts weren’t between them. When they could actually call each other friends. Regardless if that friendship was still fraught with tension, a will they or won’t they that still weighs heavily on them. Even when they try to push past it and just be.
But the guitar means much to them. Music in general means much to them. Maybe it’ll help.
He picks it up gently, taking it out of its case with great care before running his hand over it and smiles. The strings have just been changed, Michael has been taking good care of it. Something eases inside of him when he sees that, though he doesn’t quite understand why. The guitar isn’t a symbol of their relationship, Michael making sure the guitar is in tip top shape doesn’t really mean anything. It just means he likes playing. It still brings a tingle to the pit of his stomach which he crushes swiftly and surely. There’s no point in useless hope.
He brings it over to the chair by Michael’s drawing board and sits down, settling it gently on his legs and making sure no pressure is on his prosthesis as he sits with the guitar. He takes a few deep breaths before he strums. Of course the guitar is finely tuned.
He still checks everything before softly starting to play. He’s played Wonderwall a thousand times, he’s sick as hell of it but he still plays it first every time he picks up a guitar. Old habits are hard to break. He plays bits of the melody to warm up, humming alongside it as he does. Five minutes in, he’s relaxed, he’s more settled, he feels good.
He drifts from Wonderwall, eyes closing as he moves over to various songs from Breaking Benjamin, stripped down versions of My Chemical Romance, seamlessly switching to Blink 182, Placebo, Snow Patrol and The Strokes. He loses himself in A Perfect Circle, in Third Eye Blind and The Cranberries, resurfacing after he’s hit Linkin Park, Gavin Degraw, Panic! At the Disco and the odd Spice Girls song just to switch it up.
He lets the last note fall as he breathes out, smiling at the peace he feels just from the instrument in his hands, his voice slightly raspy from singing and the contentment of being wanted and free in Michael’s space. He smiles to himself, taking another deep breath as he opens his eyes again, looking at his watch to find that almost three hours has passed since he started playing. He’s not surprised though, music has always been the place he felt the most free, the most able to be himself.
He takes another deep breath, briefly closing his eyes again as he centers himself before he looks up at the plants. They look the same, but no worse either, so he figures he’s done all he can for the day. He decides to go home for the night, he’ll come back tomorrow and continue trying his best to keep them alive. He doesn’t want to fail now.
———
The shock comes when he gets down the ladder the next evening after a gruelling day at the base. He comes down expecting the plants to be their usual droopy selves but instead he finds them perked up, their foliage nice and green, the flowers shining and pretty. He almost calls out Michael’s name to check if he’s there, but he knows he’s not, having talked to him just an hour earlier. He’s still in Albuquerque, still there for a couple days with Isobel and the newly arrived Max. Just three aliens in the big city, he’d joked, Max hissing at him to keep his voice down in the background while Isobel laughed. They deserve the time away to just be siblings, after everything. But the thrill of Michael calling him still sits in his brain, making him smile.
But there’s still the mystery of the plants. Happier plants. Plants who don’t look like they’re on the brink of giving up. And the only thing he did differently was playing guitar and singing. Maybe that’s how Michael keeps them happy. He decides not to mistrust his instincts the way he usually does and after checking the soil and making sure everything else is okay he gets out the guitar again. He still starts with Wonderwall, still hates it, still can’t break the habit. But he moves along faster than yesterday, switching to other songs of Oasis, moving along to Death Cab for Cutie, The White Stripes, Stereophonics and HIM, before jumping over to Shinedown, Muse, Journey and Creed. He plays for hours like yesterday, loves every minute of it, and feels more relaxed when he opens his eyes again at the end and sees the plants visibly better in front of his eyes.
He laughs to himself, a laugh filled with more desperation and relief than he wants to admit. But it’s okay. Maybe he can do this.
———
He spends hours down in the bunker the next two days, playing everything and anything he has in his repertoire, rediscovering the love he has for the music he grew up with and feeling the thrill of just his hands, his voice and the guitar, surrounded by Michael’s space, Michael’s plants, Michael’s mechanics. He’s surrounded in every way by Michael Guerin, and his own wants, hopes and dreams for the man and what he longs for them to become. He’s spent years away from Roswell and Michael before but now, after one week of him gone, after one week of his voice in his ears as they talk and laugh on the phone until Isobel or Max drags him away, he misses him. Misses everything that they were, everything that they are, everything that they’re heading for. And Alex knows where they’re headed, now. Knows where he wants them to head.
He’s there when he hears Michael’s truck, still playing guitar, strumming along on notes shaping up to be another song, the melody forming underneath his fingers as words form in his head. He doesn’t stop playing, but instead listens as the truck stops and Michael gets out, as his heavy steps move towards the bunker and down the ladder. He opens his eyes as Michael stops, watches him with a smile forming as Michael stares at him and the plants in awe.
“Damn Alex, I’d have stayed home if I knew listening to you play was on the menu.”
Alex snorts, stopping his strumming and placing the guitar back in the case before he gets up on his feet. “It was the only thing I could think of to keep them alive. We had a few dicey days before I started playing, and apparently they liked it.”
“You’re a good player, Alex, no wonder they liked it.”
Alex smiles, taking a step closer to Michael. “Maybe. I’m just glad I got to be here, it’s been fun.”
Michael tilts his head in that inquisitive way of his, but Alex just shakes his head. His revelations and discoveries are too heavy for this moment, he’ll get to them eventually. Michael nods, understanding without needing words that this is something to be left for now. They’re good at that, easy, silent communication. Too bad they kind of suck at the harder communication, but that’s all fixable.
“Hey. Thanks for doing this.”
“Any time, Michael.” Alex looks down for a second. “I’m happy you trusted me with this.”
“I had no doubts you could do it. The doubts were all yours.”
Alex can’t deny that’s true. But here, in the bunker, surrounded by plants and Michael smiling at him in his carefree and relaxed way, Alex feels another doubt snap. And before he lets himself second guess it, he steps forward and cradles Michael’s face in his hands. He sees the look of shock, but also the hope that blooms in Michael’s eyes and pulls him softly towards him in case Michael pulls back. But he doesn’t have to worry, Michael pushes forward as easily as Alex pulls and their lips meet softly. It’s a sweet kiss, a familiar one, but no less exciting with no small amount of fireworks firing in the pit of Alex’s belly as Michael puts his arms around his waist and pulls him closer still. It’s everything Alex wanted, everything he needs, the appreciation and love for Michael flaring as their first kiss in a long time keeps on going.
It turns from sweet to needy, to wanting, to unbelievably hot quickly, but that’s always the way it is with them. They can’t help but want each other in all ways. They both break apart at the same time, moving away from the kiss but not from each other, leaning their foreheads together as they smile and laugh at each other, their happiness bubbling between them. It’s never a question if both of them want it, they already know that. Maybe this time they can have it too.
“So,” Michael says after a while. “My plants decided to try and die on you and you got them back by singing and playing to them? How’s you figure that out?”
“Well.” Alex sneaks another kiss just because he can, a thrill going through him as Michael hums in a happy tone. “I figured you sang to them. You know, since your guitar was down here.”
Michael pulls back and gives him a puzzled look. “Alex, I live in an old airstream in the middle of a junkyard. I keep it down here so it won’t be stolen.”
“Oh,” Alex says. “I didn’t even think of that.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.” Michael kisses him again. “I’m glad you can afford not to.”
“Guerin-”
“No, Alex. Your life has been shitty enough, be happy you don’t have to worry about that too.”
“How about...” Alex pauses, gathering his courage. “How about you keep it at my place? It’ll be safe there too.”
“Oh yeah?” The smile Michael gives him is blinding, beautiful. Happy. “You wouldn’t mind having me in your space?”
Alex smiles in return. He leans in, kissing Michael dirty and hot, the way both of them want it. ”I definitely wouldn’t. I’ll even take the plants, if you want to.”
He smiles wider as Michael laughs, head thrown back with unruly curls bouncing as he does. They need to talk, figure them out and take it day by day. But he’s so gorgeous, and Alex wants to keep him forever. Him and the green things who are perking up even more in Michael’s presence. And here he thought they were bonding.
“The guitar first. The plants we can talk about down the line,” Michael replies when he finally stops laughing. He tilts his head forward, looking at Alex through long lashes. Alex feels the same want bubbling in his stomach as always. He wants Michael in his bed, in his kitchen, in his living room. He wants him close, he wants them to be good. Together. They have a long way to go still, but it feels like a beginning. It feels like hope.
“I’d like that.”
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xfirepilot · 3 years
Text
title: you're spring to me, all things to me (cross-posted on ao3)
summary: the one where malex are roommates and don't realize they're basically dating. alex pov.
notes: this is a remix of @lire-casander's amazing fic, with your kiss my life begins but from alex's pov. i hope i did this justice :)
--
“Alex, you okay?” Alex turned to see Forrest looking at him with what could only be concern in his eyes.
Alex simply nodded, before giving Forrest a strained smile.
“Is this about Michael?” Forrest asked bluntly and Alex winced, knowing Forrest knew his answer.
Alex bit his lip, before nodding slowly. The blue-haired man could only laugh at Alex’s struggle, which earned him a glare. Michael was his best friend and roommate, but hiding his feelings for him was incredibly hard.
“Hey, you’re the one who asked me to pretend this was a date, even though you know I like Kyle and you like Michael. I didn’t say it was going to be easy.” Alex opened his mouth to respond, wanting to let Forrest down easy about Kyle, but closed his mouth thinking better of it.
He could tell him tomorrow.
“Okay, let’s go in. Liz will kill me if we’re late.” Alex grabbed Forrest by the hand and pulled him towards the bar, but stopped short of going inside, a fresh rush of nerves settling over him.
--
When Alex Manes first met Michael Guerin, he took note of the ripped jeans, his curly hair, his smile that he only gave to those he trusted, and his mangled hand and decided they were going to be best friends.
Alex thought nothing of his feelings for Michael. They were best friends and best friends cared about each other, right? His 14 year old mind couldn’t fathom a world without Michael in it, and he never wanted to.
He never noticed when his feelings had changed to more than just friends.
He had Michael over to watch Star Wars one summer night before 10th grade. The two of them were laughing and throwing popcorn at each other, Michael was sitting with his arm around Alex, and Alex laid his head on his shoulder. He did the same with Liz and Maria all the time when they came over, he didn't see the big deal. But he knew something was wrong as soon as Michael left the house after their movie marathon, and his father grabbed him roughly by the arm.
“Dad?” He asked, trying to pull his arm out of his tight grip. “You’re hurting me.”
“You are not to see this Guerin boy again.”
Alex looked at him confused. “We’re just friends.”
“Don’t think I don’t see through your perversions.”
“Dad, I -” The slap caught him off-guard, a stinging blow against his cheek that set his skin ablaze. The sound echoed in the room and his dad yanked him closer, ready to raise his hand again.
“I’m sorry!” Alex yelled out, watching as his father’s hand froze. He could feel his dad shaking with anger, and he kept the tears at bay. He would not cry in front of him.
“What do you have to say for yourself?” Jesse sneered, his grip loosened slightly, and Alex could feel the bruise already forming on his arm. He had no doubt he already had a red mark across his cheek.
“I won’t see Michael Guerin again.” Alex responded, lying through his teeth.
His dad finally let go of his arm, and he ran up the stairs.
He needed to call Michael.
--
Alex was standing outside the bar, holding Forrest’s hand and trying not to break out into a sweat. He was brought out of his thoughts of the past as he felt a pressure on his hand and he looked down to see Forrest squeezing his hand in support.
“Come on,” Forrest all but dragged Alex through the door.
As Alex stepped foot on the wooden floors of the bar, covered in spilled beer and peanut shells, he took a deep breath.
He could do this.
He walked towards his group of friends, noting Michael nearby, and he broke out into a grin.
“Hey guys!” Alex quickly let go of Forrest’s hand, before putting his arm around his shoulders.
“This is Forrest,” Alex might as well get the introduction out of the way, not wanting the night to be awkward. As he watched Forest wave at them all, he spoke up again. “Forrest, this is like, everyone who’s important in my life.”
As everyone greeted Forrest, Alex noticed Michael make a quick exit and frowned.
Maybe bringing Forrest to the party was a bad idea, but he needed someone who was an outsider to all the drama. Meeting Forrest in his Music History class was just good fortune for Alex, who was always struggling to meet friends who were gay like him.
He knew Michael was bisexual, but he was always sleeping with women, and Alex thought he didn’t stand a chance. Alex thought nothing of it when Michael would always come back to their dorm rather than stay the night with the women he was hooking up with. Maybe he should have.
“Hey, Maria, is Michael okay?” Alex looked at his childhood best friend, and she looked at him before sighing, “Yeah, it’s just Guerin being Guerin.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt him by bringing Forrest,” Alex stated apologetically.
“I know sweetie,” she responded. “I’ll go see where Guerin went.” She walked out of the bar and went in search of her friend, and Alex turned back to the group and saw Liz being very drunk and Forrest trying and failing to flirt with Kyle.
Liz looked over at Alex smirking, before raising her arm and putting her uncoordinated limb over his shoulder.
“Alex, why is Mikey sad, and why are you two not making out?”
“Liz, we’re just friends,” Alex said, trying to keep Liz steady as she wobbled on her feet.
“I thought you guys were secretly dating!” She exclaimed, the red solo cup in her hand sloshing beer over the top of her cup, and Alex watched as it hit the floor.
He couldn’t help but laugh, knowing how Liz got when she was drunk, before he helped her over to sit down at a table, asking a passing bartender for a water.
“Why would you think that?”
“Because Mikey looooooves you, and you are both oblivious.” She stated matter of factly for someone who was practically slurring her words.
“Hey, Max. You may want to help sober up the birthday girl. I need to go find Michael!” Alex said, kissing Liz on the forehead and watching as Max came over to help Liz.
Shaking his head and looking away from the couple, he went towards where he saw Maria exit and almost ran into her in his haste to get outside.
He immediately noticed Michael sitting against the building and he looked on in worry. Michael looked so small, and Alex suddenly didn’t know what to do about it.
Michael was the one who was always larger than life. He was always there protecting Alex. After dealing with the abuse of his dad and finally being able to not be under his dad’s clutches after his arrest, Michael was there for him, helping him with his nightmares and his injuries.
After Alex saw what Michael had to deal with before he was able to move into a healthy, loving home with Sanders, Alex didn’t know how Michael could do it. Love him like he did. Alex just shut down after the news of the abuse he endured came out into the public. He hid himself, until Michael brought him out of his shell.
Now, Alex stood frozen outside the main door of the bar watching Michael fold in on himself.
Move Alex.
“Michael?” He asked, pretending he hadn’t been standing there silently for the last thirty seconds.
Michael didn’t seem to hear him or maybe he was ignoring him. Alex deserved that at the very least for bringing Forrest to the bar.
He cleared his throat before speaking out again, “Michael, hey, you’re here.” An unconscious pull made his feet finally start moving as he made his way over to the other man.
The other man didn’t even look up as he spoke. “Go back inside. I’m pretty sure Forrest will be looking for you if you don’t.”
“Well, I know for a fact that he won’t.” Alex let out a breath. He could do this.
“How so?” Michael asked, his tone almost sharp in question. Alex bit his lip. He didn’t want to make Michael anymore upset, so he really needed to just come out with it.
“Well, I guess it has something to do with the fact that we’re just friends, and he’s currently trying to hit it off with Kyle.”
Michael was in the process of getting up as he heard that and almost fell over, grabbing the wall for support.
“Kyle? But didn’t you two go out on a date just tonight?”
Alex sighed, “It wasn’t a date Michael.” He really needed to assure him and he continued speaking. “It was just two friends catching up after a while, and him asking me to set him up with Kyle because he’s been pining over him for the longest time.”
Michael could only groan in response. “But you said it was a date. I thought-”
“I know what you thought,” Alex knew he needed to confess this sooner or later. “I wanted you to think that, to be honest. I wanted you to feel what I felt whenever you went out with one of those girls.”
He watched as Michael looked at him, his curls falling over his eyes, and Alex wished he could take a step forward and brush them out of his eyesight.
“It’s been a while since that,” Michael replied, and Alex had to agree. He realized that Michael had not actually slept with anyone in a while. He never thought anything of it until now.
Michael continued, “Wait, what? You wanted me to be jealous because you were jealous of those girls?”
Alex could only shrug in response. “I wanted you to see me. I’ve been feeling invisible around you for so long, and I just wanted you to-”
“Did you know our friends thought we were dating?” Alex looked at him, ignoring how he was interrupted and watched as Michael spoke again. “Only I thought we weren’t dating. Did you?”
Alex shook his head, letting out a laugh. “I’m sure we would have noticed if we were dating.” He looked away from Michael’s face. “I for sure would have known, with how I feel-”
“I didn’t,” Michael confessed, and Alex raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t want to believe we were dating even if all the signs were there because, Alex, I just didn’t want to lose you.”
Alex eyebrow went even higher at the statement, “Why would you lose me?” He watched as Michael covered his mouth with his hand, making an unintelligible noise.
Michael looked at Alex, “I love you.” The confession came out so quickly that Alex wasn’t even sure if he heard correctly.
“I know, Michael, I love you too. You’re my best friend.”
Michael could only shake his head, “No, no. No, Alex, I am in love with you.” He blew out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry I just figured it out.”
Alex’s eyes widened, “But I thought you’d never-oh my god. I thought you said you’d never date a guy. I didn’t want to keep my hopes up, I just-oh my god.”
MIchael huffed out a laugh, “You’ve already said that.” Alex could only stare at Michael, unable to speak.
“I love you, Alex. I know we wasted so much time, but Maria’s got me thinking and then you’ve come out here and you’ve said that Forrest and you aren’t a thing and I just-a guy can hope, can’t he?”
Alex noticed how nervous Michael seemed and took a step forward and gently put his hands on his face, before he kissed him. Before he could pull back, Michael was kissing him back. Alex’s eyes widened, before he felt the kiss deepen. Alex felt like he was under a wave, not knowing when he was going to come up for breath again.
When they finally separated, Alex was looking at Michael, whose hazel eyes were burning into his face, and he knew what he needed to say.
“I love you,” he kissed Michael on the lips again and came up for a breath of air. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
They would tell their friends tomorrow. All Alex wanted to do right then was feel Michael’s lips on his and let the words wash over him.
“I love you.”
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salty-star-child · 5 years
Text
Another Malex AU - Part 2
part one, part two, part three
[wow, I already started to continue this?? I’m shook with myself]
---------
The next time Maria sees Michael Guerin, his left hand is bloodied and bandaged and there are ghosts in his eyes. It fills her with a righteous fury that burns her from the inside out.
She’d gone to the Crashdown for lunch, for a brief moment forgetting that Rosa died and Liz left when the little diner was filled with their presence. She knew it was as close to the Ortecho sisters as she was going to get for a while. It was certainly as close to Rosa as she would ever get again.
The diner was popular enough that it shouldn’t have surprised her as much as it did to see Max Evans at the counter, flanked on either side by Isobel and Michael, with a Little Green Man shake he’d hardly touched. There’s a pain in his expression that’s echoed in Michael’s eyes, but Maria has a feeling she might be the only one who’s noticed.
Maria goes up to the counter, leaving a seat between her and Michael, and places her order. Isobel and Michael give her a strange look, but Max is too busy pushing the straw in the milkshake around to notice her arrival. She matches Isobel’s disdainful gaze until the other girl rolls her eyes and focuses her attention back on Max. Then she catches Michael’s stare, which seems more curious than anything. She tries to convey that she knows: about him, him and Alex, and how Jesse Manes is the reason his hand is a mess. But for all that she’s a psychic, telepathy had never been an ability of hers. The boy just continues to look curious and confused.
Her order arrives, all bagged up for her to take back to The Wild Pony for her and her mom, and she’s forced to break the staring contest to pay and promise Arturo that she’ll visit with him later. All the while, Michael is staring. It makes her wonder if maybe he’s suddenly developed telepathy and her message did get across.
She still feels his eyes on her as she leaves. She hasn’t even taken more than five steps down the sidewalk when she hears the door open and footsteps behind her.
Michael Guerin is walking beside her now, gaze just as curious as it had been.
“Guerin,” she greets, polite and soft, unsure if she should be falling back on their usual banter or not.
“DeLuca,” he returns.
It’s not soft or polite like hers was, but it also isn’t the normal tone of voice he uses when they tease and poke fun. The only word she can think to call it is…empty. They walk in silence for a few more steps before Michael is hesitantly asking:
“How’s Alex doin’?”
She stops walking and so does he. His shoulders are tense, hitched up just a little too high, and he’s clearly biting the inside of his cheek. He’s avoiding looking her in the eye but she’s alright with that. She knows he wouldn’t take the sympathy kindly.
“He tell you he enlisted?” she asks. He nods but she knows by the way his features seem to harden that Alex didn’t give the whole story either. “He tell you his dad threatened to kill you if he didn’t?”
Michael looks at her then, eyes wide and slack jawed. There’s a roaring storm of emotion in his eyes.
“He—” he starts but Maria cuts him off.
“Yeah, he told me. Doesn’t trust his dad not to try anything anyway,” she says simply, eyeing the wrapped hand. “Can’t say I blame him. Jesse Manes is one twisted son of a bitch.”
There’s a way Michael is shifting from foot to foot that has Maria rushing to reassure him.
“Alex didn’t want to out you or anything; he just wanted to make sure you’d be safe, so he asked me to keep an eye out. Give you a heads up if it looks like the homophobic prick is gonna try anything,” she says as calmly as possible. Michael’s shoulders relax but he’s otherwise still looking ready to bolt if he needs to, so she keeps talking. “You don’t have to worry either. I won’t say anything bout you and Alex to anyone if you don’t want me to.”
Michael stops shifting in place and looks at her with an odd relief.
“Thanks,” he mumbles. “I mean, it’s not like I don’t want to tell anyone, it’s just…”
“Small town homophobia?”
“Nah, I’ve never been in the small town’s good books, no reason to start now. It’s just that…I haven’t told Max and Iz yet. I don’t know how they’ll react, and…they’re all I got.”
Maria raises an eyebrow at him and puts her free hand on her hip. This boy.
“That’s a bold-faced lie if I ever heard one.”
“What?” He asks, completely taken aback.
“You heard me, Guerin,” she says. “You got more than just the Evans twins who care bout you; you got me, and, more importantly, you’ve got Alex.”
The confusion written across Michael’s face melts into one of the most lovesick smiles Maria has ever seen (and she’s seen Max Evans in their biology class with Liz).
“I do, huh?” he asks.
Maria can feel a hopeful disbelief building in the boy standing across from her that just makes her want to wrap him up in a hug and shelter him from the rest of the world and its problems.
“Well, your boyfriend’s my best friend so you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”
She hadn’t thought it possible, but his smile widens. The amount of affection radiating off him is dizzying in the same way sharing a joint and laughing with Rosa had been.
“Boyfriend,” he whispers slowly, like he’s testing the word on his tongue. “I like that.”
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justlightlysedated · 4 years
Text
for @bestillmyslashyheart 🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️
Maria falls asleep on the way back to Roswell.
Alex figures that everything just caught up to her at once, and he doesn’t really say anything as she leans her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around one of his as she leans heavily against him, almost practically on his lap and closes her eyes.
He knows that she’s asleep when he hears her snoring softly, and he tries to get more comfortable but it’s hard to, especially when he looks over her head to Michael, who looks away from them in that moment, an unreadable expression on his face as he tightens his fingers around the steering wheel.
Alex scoffs at his expression, and rolls his eyes, looking away when Michael shoots him a questioning look.
“You don’t have to be jealous, Guerin,” he says in a low voice so that he doesn’t wake up Maria. “I’m not trying to steal your girlfriend.”
Michael scoffs, and Alex can see him shaking his head slightly, and his hands going even tighter around the steering wheel.
He doesn’t reply, but the truck does seem to speed up, so Alex just leans his head against the window and stares mindlessly at the scenery passing them by.
He doesn’t realize that he’d fallen asleep, until Maria’s weight is lifted off his shoulder and the pain from the wound in his chest makes itself known.
He hisses in pain, lifting a hand to his chest, and grimacing at the way his shirt is wet and sticky with blood.
He looks around then, and notices that they’re in the junkyard, and that it was Michael who had moved Maria.
Alex stares, feeling an icy cool numbness slowly fall over him, as Michael carries a sleeping Maria into the Airstream. He’s so careful and gentle, and Alex tells himself that Maria deserves that, someone who is careful and gentle with her, and ignores the increasingly loud part of his brain that tells him that that doesn’t mean that it has come from the man that he loves.
Alex gets himself out of the truck, dropping down to the ground, and ignoring the way his right leg pinches uncomfortably.
He closes the door behind himself and leans against it for a second, before he shakes himself out of it. What he needs to do is call for an Uber and get out of here before Maria wakes up and actually realizes that Michael saved their lives, and actually does something about their relationship status.
He pushes himself away from the truck, and pulls the phone out of his pocket, wondering if maybe he should make a pitstop to the emergency room first to make sure that his wound isn’t going to be infected or something.
“Hey,” he hears from somewhere behind him, and he whirls around, almost stumbling to see Michael standing at the door to the Airstream, holding an old first aid kit and a shirt in his other hand.
Alex stares at the items blankly as Michael gets closer, but he shakes himself out of it when Michael sets the items down on the small rusted lawn table he’s recently set up at the front of the Airstream.
“Thanks for coming to find us, and for the ride back here,” Alex starts, tightening his fingers around his phone, and ignoring the throbbing in his chest that starts radiating up towards his shoulder. “I’m sure you and Maria are gonna have a lot to talk about once she wakes up, so I’ll just go-”
“Alex,” Michael starts, stopping a few feet away from Alex, not close enough to reach out and touch, a move that makes Alex’s heart ache, but he’s going to have to get over that if he’s going to pretend that everything is okay, and be the supportive friend they both need.
“Look,” Alex says, trying for a smile. “I know you think that she’s never going to forgive you, but she will, she probably already has, given that you just saved our lives. Thanks for that, by the way.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Michael says slowly.
But Alex ignores him and continues, “She was actually worried that she’d lose me if she chose to be with you, but I assured her that that’s not going to happen. So you’re all good, okay?”
Michael gives him a look like he’s confused about what Alex is saying, and Alex really doesn’t want to rehash the conversation that he had with Maria so he just looks down at his phone, lighting up the screen to check the time.
“And it’s nearing two in the morning, so I should really head ho-”
“Alex,” Michael says, again.
“What?” Alex asks, starting to feel slightly anxious at the thought of being home alone, but needing to leave before he says or does something that he’ll regret.
“Can you please just-” he starts, taking a step closer, but Alex tightens his fingers around his phone and shakes his head a little.
“I’ve had a horrible day Guerin, and I just want to go home,” he says, voice tired and strained.
Michael pulls his bottom lip between his teeth before he shakes his head. “I know that, but, please, just sit down, and let me take care of that wound. You’re still bleeding.”
Alex swallows hard, and ignores the way the pain in his chest intensifies as though talking about the stab wound makes it hurt more.
“I’m fine,” Alex lies, automatically. “And besides, Maria should be waking up soon and she’s going to need someone to comfort her and I’m-”
“I don’t care about what you think Maria needs right now,” Michael snaps, starting to sound a little pissed, but mostly concerned. “I care about the fact that you’re still bleeding, so can you just please, sit down and let me take care of you.”
Alex stares at Michael in silence for a second, studying his face, but all he finds is concern and worry.
Alex nods his head, and Michael's shoulders slump in relief as he motions back towards the table.
Alex follows after him, and sits down on the chair that Michael kicks over in his direction.
"You should take your jacket off," Michael says in a low voice, as he keeps walking towards the table.
Alex does as he’s told, wincing only a little, and sets it aside. He doesn’t look down at his chest, because he really doesn’t want to know where exactly the wound is and how many inches it missed his heart by.
Michael grabs the first aid kit and then turns back to face Alex, crossing the small space between them.
Alex wonders how exactly Michael is going to do this, and if he should offer to sit on the table instead, when Michael drops to his knees right in front of him, setting the first aid kit to the side as he leans forward to get a better look at Alex’s chest.
Alex inhales sharply, breath catching painfully in his throat, and he feels his heart stutter in his chest.
He thinks that maybe he should look away, or speak, or do something, anything, but sit there and just stare, but he can’t look away, not when Michael’s face looks so intent and focused in a way that tells him that he’s trying to control his reaction, but his eyes can’t lie, and Alex can read the fear in them.
Michael tugs the strap of his undershirt to the side, and presses a wet cloth to his skin, it’s cold enough that it makes Alex jump, but Michael just shushes him gently, the fingers of his other hand keeping his shoulder still as he wipes the blood away.
Alex watches him work in silence and remembers those last couple of days they spent together before Alex left, how he’d help Michael stretch and massage his hand after he’d taken the cast off, how that had been the only time that Michael has ever let him take care of him.
Michael finishes by placing two butterfly stitches across the gash, and then a large square bandage over that. He presses the bandage down and then smooths his fingers across it, over and over and over.
Alex inhales shakily, and then places his hand over Michael’s, stopping him.
Michael looks up at him then, eyes shining bright, and Alex feels too many things, too many inappropriate things that one shouldn’t feel about the guy who’s supposed to be dating one of his best friends.
“I’m okay,” he says as soft and gently as he can.
Michael breathes out roughly, and he shakes his head.
“Michael,” Alex starts.
“No,” Michael says, interrupting him, voice sounding wrecked. “I almost lost you. Not even a few centimeters to the right and you would've been dead."
His eyes go wide as he says the words, and he starts breathing faster.
Alex just reaches towards him, leaning forwards a little and he places his hands on either side of Michael's face and forces him to look into Alex's eyes.
"I'm fine," Alex tells him, and Michael just shakes his head. 
"I am," Alex says, and drags his hands to the back of Michael's neck and then to his shoulders, really liking the way that the touch makes him shudder. "The stab wound wasn't a few centimeters to the left, and you didn't lose me, okay? I'm right here."
"Are you?" Michael says, almost too low to be heard, his eyes darting away from Alex's like he didn't mean to say the words.
Alex furrows his brow at that, and straightens up a little, fingers getting caught in the collar of Michael's jacket, "What do you mean?"
“I mean that you almost died,” Michael says looking back at him, eyes a little bit wild and desperate. “And I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about how I almost lost you, and I can’t stop thinking about how stupid I’m being, wasting time, when I could actually lose you.”
Alex feels even more confused. “What are you talking about, Guerin?”
Michael licks his lips and swallows hard, before he gets to his feet.
Alex lets him go reluctantly and moves to stand up as well, but Michael takes the opportunity to set his hands down on the arm’s on either side of the rickety lawn chair that Alex is sitting on and leans over him, staring at him intently.
“Do you know that Nazi Guy asked me for your number?”
It takes Alex an embarrassingly long second to connect Nazi Guy to Forrest Long.
Before Alex can say anything, Michael keeps speaking.
“And I thought about how much of a good guy he is and how he’s the youngest queer child of a bigotted family who went into the military, and how he’s practically perfect for you, and then I gave him the wrong number, just so he could stop bothering me about it.”
Alex stutters out an involuntary laugh at that, because he doesn’t know how else to actually respond, and he feels even more confused now that when Michael started speaking.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
Michael gives him a look, like he can’t believe that he has to spell this out for him, and Alex gives him a matching one back, because he’s not the one with the supernatural powers.
Michael just exhales, a sound that’s more amused than anything. “What I mean is that I was jealous, okay? Of the possibility that you would actually give him the time of day, of the fact that he doesn’t come with as much baggage as I do, of the thought that there's nothing holding you back from actually being with someone else."
Alex just looks at him, incredulously, and Michael hangs his head, "I know, okay. I know it's not rational or fair, but it's how I feel okay?"
Alex doesn't know what to say to that, but Michael doesn't give him the time to think before he continues speaking.
"And the most fucked up part, is that I didn't even realize that that was what I was feeling until you told me that I didn't have to be jealous back in the truck."
Alex leans back a little in his seat at that, "I already told you that I'm-"
"I wasn't jealous of you," Michael says, leaning a bit closer and pronouncing every word carefully. "I was jealous of her."
Alex blinks at that, completely losing track of where exactly Michael is going with all of this.
Something which Michael seems to understand from his face, because he makes a low noise of disgust and then pushes away from Alex, taking a few steps back so that he can pace around a little.
Alex tries to think of what Michael could be trying to tell him, but the only thing that comes to mind, is literally the last thing that he thinks that Michael would say, so he brushes the thought away, and pushes himself up to his feet, grabbing his jacket.
Michael’s eyes snap over to him, as Alex opens his mouth to tell him that he’s leaving.
“What I’m trying to say is that I want to be with you,” Michael says before Alex can get a word out.
Alex’s mouth snaps shut and he looks at Michael with wide eyes, completely frozen. A small part of him jumps at the words, hope lighting up like a flickering flame in his chest, but a bigger part of him knows exactly why Michael is saying this right now, and it extinguishes the flame with a gust of cold wind.
“And I’m tired of pretending that being friends is all I want, and I’m tired of forcing myself to try to move on when I don’t actually want to.”
Michael stares at him with too bright eyes, and the words keep falling out of his mouth, too earnest to be lies.
“I was trying for Max,” he continues, and loses Alex all over again. “He was dead, and one of the last things he’d said to me was to stop looking through my rearview mirror, to move on. And after everything that happened with you, with my mom, with him being gone, and bringing Rosa back, I just, I couldn’t not try. Which is why I said no, even though I didn’t really want to. Which is why I tried to date Maria, even though she’s one of your best friends.”
Alex flinches back at that, taking one step backwards, and almost tripping over the chair, but Michael catches him before he can fall, fingers wrapping tightly right above Alex’s elbows as he jerks him forward.
Alex stumbles into him, and Michael is way too close, and Alex’s heart feels like it might just beat out of his chest. There is a part of him that knows that Michael is only saying all of this because he’s scared about what happened, but there is an even bigger part that is yelling at him that it doesn’t matter why, just that he’s saying it.
“And then we got him back, and I realized that he did what he did, because he couldn’t let go of the past either, so I really shouldn’t be listening to anything he says.”
Alex would laugh at that, but he feels like he might start hyperventilating if he does.
Michael’s half smile falls off his face, and he looks at Alex intently for a second, before speaking again, “Say something.”
So Alex blurts out the first thought that pops into his head, “You told me that you liked her.”
“I did,” Michael says in agreement. “And I do, but not like I thought I did, and not in the same way that I feel about you.”
Alex shakes his head at that, “Guerin, that’s not-you can’t just-”
Michael leans in a little bit closer, and Alex stops speaking, swallowing hard as the overwhelming urge to cross the small space between them and kiss Michael senseless pours through his veins.
But he can’t.
He pulls away from Michael, stepping out of reach, and he has to stop himself from moving forward immediately at the hurt look on Michael’s face.
“I should go home,” Alex says, even though it’s literally the last thing that he wants to do. He knows that once the adrenaline from hearing Michael’s words dies down, he’s going to be stuck with the thought that he almost died, and he really doesn’t want to be alone.
But he can’t stay.
Michael doesn’t say anything, but his eyes speak louder than anything that he could’ve said.
“You might think that you mean what you’re saying right now, but you’re only saying it because of what happened,” Alex starts, and keeps talking when Michael shakes his head, looking at Alex like he’s wrong. “You’re going to wake up tomorrow and regret ever telling me anything, and I-”
Alex’s voice cracks a little, and he blinks fast to stop himself from actually crying. “And I will be understanding.”
Michael takes another step closer, trying to speak again, but Alex talks over him.
“And don’t worry, I won’t tell Maria anything. We’ll just pretend that this conversation never happened, and you can go back to-”
“I love you,” Michael says, cutting him off, the words maybe a little too loud.
Alex stops talking, the words dying in his throat, and once again, he stands frozen, staring at Michael, unable to think of anything to say.
Michael takes a step closer and he grabs one of Alex’s limp hands in his own, and he squeezes his fingers tightly in his too hot grip.
“I love you,” he repeats, almost wonderingly. “I fell in love with you when we were seventeen and you were handing over your brother’s old guitar, telling me that sometimes people are nice for no reason, and I’ve never stopped, even when I felt like I hated you. I loved you even more.”
Michael reaches out and grabs his other hand, and then he shuffles forward two steps and looks at Alex right in the eyes as he continues to speak, his gaze bright and honest.
“I love you,” he says again, and this time Alex gasps a little in disbelief, mouth dropping open and he can’t do anything but just continue to look at Michael, like he’s forgotten how to speak.
“And I don’t expect you to say it back. I know these last couple of months have been insane. And I’m also not expecting for you to be ready to jump into a relationship with me, that’s not what I was trying to say earlier. I just need you to know where I’m standing now and what I’m actually feeling, because I don’t want to lose you. Not to some psycho with an ice pick, and not to some douchebag with blue hair.”
Alex licks his lips, and finally finds some words to say, “You don’t have to worry about that.”
Michael's gaze turns searching, and Alex squeezes their joined hands, taking one step closer and dropping his forehead against Michael’s. 
“I love you,” Alex whispers back, and Michael’s hands spasm in his. “I thought that I was going to die, and you were the only thing that I could think about. I don’t know what’s going to happen now, but I don’t want you to date anyone else but me. It almost tore me in half when you told me that you were going to ask Maria out, and I never want to feel that way again.”
“I promise,” Michael whispers, pressing his forehead harder against Alex’s. “It’s you. It’s always been you.”
Alex exhales, feeling like he’s been slowly bleeding out this whole time, and he finally found the wound at the source.
“I-” Alex starts, and then swallows hard. “I don’t really want to be alone right now, but, I think I should go home.”
Michael shakes his head, “No, I want you to stay.”
Alex huffs, pulling away from Michael to look him in the eyes. “If you think, that I’m going to share your bed with Maria-”
Michael makes a face at that, “Does it make me a bad person if I admit that I completely forgot that she’s sleeping in the Airstream?”
“Not really,” comes Maria’s voice from the entrance to the Airstream, making them both jump startled at the intrusion. “But it does make you an asshole. But I already knew that.”
Alex lets go of Michael and takes a step back, while Michael turns to Maria, mouth already open, probably to apologize.
Maria lifts a hand to stop him from talking, “You don’t need to say anything. I think I heard enough.”
Her eyes are wet with tears, but she doesn’t look at Alex at all as she stares at Michael, “I woke up scared and alone, and I thought maybe you were just taking Alex home. I wanted to tell you that I-”
She cuts herself off and shakes her head, “That doesn’t matter anymore. I told you that you were a bad thing that happened to me once. I just didn’t realize how much worse it could actually get.”
“Maria, I’m so-” Michael starts, but Maria shakes her head, wordlessly cutting him off.
“I don’t want an apology, Guerin,” she snaps. “I wanted you. I wanted to forget about this horrible night, and I wanted you to be the one to help me. But you’re nothing but a liar.”
Michael doesn’t try to speak again, and Alex closes his eyes tightly, wanting to offer some sort of comfort, but already knowing that she won’t allow him to.
Alex hears her moving, dropping down from the entrance of the Airstream, and when he opens her eyes, he sees her standing there, wrapping the sheet tighter around herself, like it’s armor.
“I don’t want to be alone, either,” she says, eyes darting to Alex and then away just as fast. “But I really don’t want to be here with you two.”
She moves then, lifting her hand so that Alex can see that she’s holding her phone, and then she walks, ignoring Michael’s outstretched hand, and stopping right by Alex’s side, almost like she didn’t mean to.
“I don’t know if I can be as selfless as you, when it comes to this,” she says voice low and teary. “So please, just, I’ll text you when I’m ready.”
Alex doesn’t say anything, but Maria starts walking again, not expecting him to.
She puts her phone to her ear and says, “Rosa, you still there?”
She continues to walk, and Alex turns to watch her until she gets to the gated entrance of the junkyard and Rosa’s car pulls up.
Alex breathes out, feeling his chest aching in more ways than one, and he turns back around, to find that Michael is staring at where Maria is, with a faraway look on his face.
Alex waits until he looks away and back at him before he speaks, “Do you regret it?”
Michael’s brow furrows minutely, before he exhales roughly and moves so that he’s closer to Alex.
“I regret how she keeps finding out secrets of mine that I’m not ready to tell her, but I don’t regret choosing you. Do you?”
Alex gives him a half smile, “She knew how I felt about you. All I did was tell her that you were actually a good guy, worth giving a second chance to. I never told her that I wasn’t still completely in love with you.”
Michael reaches for his hand, and Alex puts his hand into Michael’s, letting Michael tug him in close.
He drops his forehead to Alex’s and exhales roughly, eyes shut tightly.
Alex just sets his free hand against the back of Michael’s neck, and squeezes gently.
“How are you feeling?” Michael asks, lifting his other hand to Alex’s chest, and pressing it over where the bandage is.
“Tired,” Alex admits with a sigh, leaning a little bit harder against him.
Michael just nods his head slowly, “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
Alex yawns instead of answering, and lets Michael tug him into the Airstream.
116 notes · View notes
pastelwitchling · 3 years
Text
Kyle talks to Michael about Alex.
Kyle had had a strange pain in his chest since he’d accepted the surgeon’s offer, but as he stepped into the Wild Pony and saw Alex at their usual table, looking everywhere at once and tapping his fingers on his beer bottle, clearly uncomfortable with being alone, it was like a window suddenly opened to his heart.
A smile tugged at his lips. Alex saw him and smiled himself, raising a hand in greeting.
As Kyle slid into the booth, he said, “I have a raging headache in four corners of my mind, and only one of them is from my hospital shifts.”
Alex huffed a chuckle. “I get the feeling.”
“Right,” he nodded. “I keep forgetting that you’re in the club, too.”
“The club?”
“The We’re-Pretty-Much-On-Call-All-The-Time-Because-Someone-Always-Needs-Something Club.”
“Ah,” Alex leaned back in his seat, and handed Kyle the second bottle he’d ordered. “That club. It’s not so bad, being useful.”
He raised a brow. “That bad? I thought you liked your new job.”
“‘Liked’ may be a strong a word,” he confessed. “It’s definitely interesting.”
“And your boss?”
He sighed. “I’m still trying to crack him. What about you? Have you heard back from that hospital in California?”
Kyle looked down, and huffed a chuckle. “I think you’re the only one that’s asked me that. Come to think of it, I think you’re the only friend I have that doesn’t just call me for rescue.”
Alex’s smile dimmed. “So you have heard from them.”
He nodded. “And I accepted their offer.”
Alex said nothing, and Kyle looked up, expecting disappointment. But Alex wasn’t looking at him. He was staring off into the crowd of cowboys drinking by the pool table, his lips pursed, his brows furrowed.
“Do you hate me?”
“I’m sad,” he confessed, the corner of his lips tugged up in a soft smile. “I’ll miss you.”
Kyle felt a lump in his throat. For two days, he’d been deliberating his choices, wondering if it was the right thing to do. Everyone here, after all, needed him for one thing or another. He was worried he’d be letting people down. But Alex . . .
“Are you disappointed?”
He shook his head. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” he hesitated, “I’m the resident alien doctor. What’re are they going to do if I’m not here?”
Alex raised a brow like it was obvious. “Manage.”
“Come on, Alex,” his shoulders fell. “You can’t fool me into thinking that you don’t care what happens to Michael.”
“All I’ve ever cared about is Michael,” he said simply, without doubt or pause. “But they’re not alone. I’m here, Liz is here. And you’ve done enough.”
“But you’ve always advocated for – for friendship, and being there for the people you love!”
“And you have been,” Alex chuckled. “And you will be. You’re moving to another state, not another planet. If it gets really bad, and I really can’t think of anything else, I’ve got your number.”
Kyle clenched his jaw. “But –”
“Kyle,” he leaned in, smiling. His eyes were glassy. “Take it from someone who built a career out of the military, and moved on. It’s time to tap out.”
Kyle didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have another argument, not with Alex’s eyes and words so sincere. Alex shrugged. “It’ll just be Roswell’s loss.”
He stared, searching for any sign of mockery or sugarcoating. But this was Alex. He didn’t lie, not for anyone.
He opened his mouth to speak, found the words lodged in his throat, then tried again. He really hadn’t realized how badly he’d needed Alex’s permission.
“Coming from you, Manes,” he confessed, “that means everything.”
 On his way home that night, and after a hug from Alex and a promise that he would come over the next day to help him start packing, Kyle realized there was one more thing he couldn’t leave without doing. One last duty that he owed his best friend.
So instead of going straight home, he turned a road and into the junkyard. Michael Guerin sat in front of the bonfire with a beer in hand, that stupid hat on his head, and raised a disinterested brow at Kyle as he stepped out.
“Well,” he said, “this is a surprise. The good doctor needs something from little old me?”
“Actually,” Kyle said, “yeah, I do.” Michael just stared, and he shrugged. “More of an order, actually.”
Michael started to smirk and leaned forward on his knees. “You’re gonna give me orders.”
“Just one,” Kyle said, hands in his pockets. He supposed he should’ve been more hesitant, more afraid. Michael, after all, was a dangerous loose wire even when he was sober, and he’d been on edge for whatever reason for the past few days.
But then Kyle remembered the dark circles around Alex’s eyes, the slight twitch of his fingers, the way he seemed to be struggling with the weight of Deep Sky and everything that came with it on his shoulders. And Michael. Always Michael.
“I need you to look after Alex.”
Michael’s smirk faltered. “Pardon me?”
“You heard me, Guerin,” he sighed, not in the mood to play back-and-forth. Not anymore. “Look after Alex. He’s not okay.”
That got Michael’s attention, and his eye twitched. “What’s wrong with him?”
Kyle tilted his head. “Oh I don’t know, why don’t you ask him? Or is it only that Alex is allowed to help you, and never the other way around?”
He stood. “Watch it, Valenti.”
“I have been,” he said. “For the past couple of years, I have been careful around you, Guerin, because part of me knew that whatever you broke in Alex, I can just fix. But I’m leaving town, and honestly? I’m scared for him. He’d never ask for help, but there has to be someone who cares enough about him to offer it anyway.”
Michael clenched his jaw and swallowed. “And you think that’s me?”
“I need it to be,” Kyle admitted, “because Alex doesn’t want anyone else.” Michael’s face fell. “He’s never wanted anyone else. So it’s either you, or I find some way to take him with me.”
Michael’s eyes flared, but Kyle held up a hand to silence him. “I’m not, Guerin, but I would. I can’t leave him here alone knowing he’s just going to keep being used.”
“I don’t use Alex,” he growled.
“No?” Kyle scoffed. “Did you know that he left the Air Force just last week?”
Michael looked like he’d been shot.
“With full honors?” he went on. “Did you know that he’s been recruited by the same secret organization that shot Max and drugged Jenna? Or that he’s already been given a mission? Do you have any idea how exhausted he is?”
When Michael didn’t answer, apparently too consumed with taking in all of this information, Kyle shook his head.
“You wouldn’t, would you? Because it’s all about you, all the time.” He shrugged. “Alex doesn’t mind, so why should you?” He shook his head, already starting to walk back to his car. “He deserves better than that.”
Leaving Michael standing in the desert, Kyle got into his car and drove away, finally feeling like he’d wiped the slate clean with his best friend.
*
Michael didn’t know why he was here. He walked the length of Alex’s porch, waiting for Alex, not having a clue as to where he could be. He realized there’d been a lot of that since that year away dismantling Project Shepherd. He had less and less to do with Alex, and it gave him a headache beyond anything else had.
How could he not know where Alex was? How could he not have asked? How did Kyle know?
Because Kyle pays attention to Alex, a voice in his head scorned. You don’t.
Michael clenched his jaw, still a little tipsy from his self-loathing beers, and ran his fists through his curls. Alex’s porch started to upend itself, the hardwood floors battling against the nails keeping them down, and Michael gasped, settling everything back in its place.
Just then, Michael caught a pair of headlights and squinted only for a second before Alex parked and turned off the car.
His heart started to rattle and his breaths came out quicker at the sight of Alex in his flannel and jeans. He missed him. He had no idea how badly he had until he’d come back, until he got to talk to him that first night a few days ago – drunk then, too – but he missed him. He missed him every second he was away, and somehow missed him more when he was here.
Alex had a brow raised, but Michael was studying his face. He saw it clearly now. The dark shadows under his eyes, his hollow cheeks, his hair sticking up in perfect, messy strands like he’d been running his hands through them all day, his stubble. How could he have not noticed?
“Uh oh,” Alex sighed at the look on his face. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”
Michael swallowed. Right, he thought. Because Alex only thought he showed up when he needed something.
He pushed past the ever-present lump in his throat and asked, “Why would something be wrong, Private?” He purposely used the nickname. “Can’t I just come say hi?”
Alex glanced down at the word Private, and back up again. He smiled and moved past Michael to open his door. “Not in my experience. Seriously” – he stood by the door, and nudged Michael inside – “what’s wrong?”
Michael didn’t budge, still smirking though it felt hollow. “Why didn’t you tell me about the Air Force?”
Alex looked startled that Michael knew. Did he really just never expect Michael to care about what was going on with him at all?
He shrugged. “It – uh – it was recent. Who told you? Max?”
Michael stared, then started to chuckle incredulously. “Did everyone but me know?”
Alex was not humoring him. “I told Greg and Kyle. They’ve both been spending time with Maria, and she’s been spending time with Max, I figured one of them must’ve mentioned it to her, and she must’ve mentioned it to him – look, would you please just come inside?”
Michael’s laughter faded and he pressed his lips together. He was still smiling, but his eyes burned. Alex seemed to realize he wouldn’t move on his own, and he gently took Michael’s jacket sleeve, tugging him in.
Once they were both in the living room, Alex set to work on a pot of tea. As he handed Michael a mug, Michael saw the light glimmering off a silver ring on his finger. His brows furrowed.
“That’s new.”
“Oh,” Alex glanced at it. “Yeah. So –”
“Wasn’t that the same ring Long had?”
“Yep.”
Alex was clearly avoiding his eyes. Michael was relentless, a burning in his chest forcing the words out.
“He gave it to you?”
“No,” Alex said. “This one’s mine.”
“Is this about that secret organization you joined?” Michael demanded. “Or was that recent, too?”
Alex smiled as he straightened, understanding dawning. “So Kyle told you. No wonder you’re wound so tight.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning it’s one thing when my own brother knows a secret about me before you do,” Alex said, taking a seat at the end of the couch. “But Kyle knowing it first?” He scoffed and shook his head.
Michael leaned forward, glaring. “So I’m jealous,” he spat. “So what? Why does Kyle get to know more about you than I do?”
“He’s my best friend,” Alex said simply. “We just talk about ourselves around each other.”
“But you don’t talk about yourself to me.”
“Not usually,” Alex agreed.
“Why?” he demanded. “I’m more important?”
“Yes,” he said simply, and Michael clenched his jaw.
“That’s really what you think of me?”
“I think the world of you, Michael,” he said, and Michael faltered. “You’re everything to me.” He smiled. “You think I don’t tell you about what I’m doing because I don’t think you care? I don’t tell you because you’re all I care about. I was going to tell you about the Air Force, I swear, just . . . not yet.” He looked down at his hands, his thumb rubbing the backs of his fingers. “Some of this stuff hurts to talk about, and I just don’t . . . I don’t want to think about it yet.”
Michael’s brows furrowed. “You’re . . . sad about leaving the military?”
He scoffed halfheartedly, slumping against the couch. “My whole life was the military. I had a family. Now I . . . don’t. I just need a minute to adapt.”
Michael tried to consider that, to be sympathetic, but he couldn’t be. For one obvious reason.
“But I’m your family.”
Alex huffed a laugh, and sniffled. He nodded. “I know.” He exhaled shakily, glancing at Michael, then stretched his arms high above his head. Michael was so distracted with his shirt riding up and revealing smooth, delicious skin that he didn’t notice Alex was lying down until his head was on his lap.
Michael froze, not knowing what to do.
“Hold still,” Alex murmured, his eyes already closed. “I haven’t slept in days and I’m exhausted.”
Slowly, Michael set a hand down on Alex’s waist, the other in his hair. His own heart hammered when Alex’s body melted under his touch and he seemed, for the first time since he’d seen him back, relaxed.
He leaned back on the couch, unable and unwilling to look away from Alex. “Then sleep, Private,” he whispered. “I’ll keep you safe.”
162 notes · View notes
aliciam72 · 4 years
Text
Just a quick Malex one shot before I go back to my Alien Baby WIP
A little warning that this isn’t exactly Forrest friendly even if it starts out as Forlex...
BULL RIDING FOR DUMMIES      
“Are you sure that thing is safe, DeLuca?” Michael asked after the rental company left the bar.
“Of course it’s safe. Why do you want to try it to make sure?” Maria teased, bringing a smile to his face.
Things between Michael and Maria had softened over the months since their breakup, much to Michael’s relief. “Nah, mechanical bulls ain’t my style. I’d much prefer the real thing.”
Maria scoffed. “You’ve ridden a real live bull?”
Michael nodded. “I tried my hand at it a few times. It was fun but not something I’d do for a living.” He leaned close and whispered. “Especially if I wasn’t a telekinetic alien.”
Maria threw her head back and laughed. “You couldn’t do it on your own, huh?”
Michael laughed with her. “Not a chance in hell. I did think about it for a hot minute though. Those boys make good money on the rodeo circuit, but even with the powers it was hard as hell. What made you rent one of these?”
“I heard it draws a crowd. This town has tons of macho cowboys trying to impress the ladies.” Maria joked.
“Well, I ain’t getting on it. I’ve got no one to impress.” 
“That’s too bad. I hear Alex is planning to be here.” Maria said over her shoulder on her way to the stockroom.
Michael followed her. “And why would that make a difference? He’s still with Forrest isn’t he?” Michael knew damn well that Alex was still dating Forrest, the whole damn town knew it but maybe something had happened since he saw Alex last. Very doubtful since he just saw him two days ago, but he could hope, right?
“Yes, he is still with Forrest but I don’t think it’s as serious as you make it out to be. Why don’t you come and see for yourself?”
“Nah, I don’t want to make things weird for him. I want him to be happy.” Michael wanted nothing more than to always be where Alex was, but he was trying to be a good friend and let him enjoy his relationship with Forrest. God knows he deserved some happiness after the events of the last year. 
“C’mon, Guerin, everyone is going to be here. And I know for a fact Alex would never want you to stay away just because of him and Forrest.” Maria handed him a case of whiskey and nodded to the bar. “Could you put that out there for me?”
She picked up a case of tequila and followed him out of the stockroom. He set the box behind the bar and leaned back. “You really think he won’t mind if I’m there?”
“He will not mind. He’s still your friend even if he’s dating someone else. Please come.” Maria assured him.
Michael nodded. “Okay, I’ll be here. It’s always a good laugh when some idiot thinks he can ride that thing on the red level.”
@@@
Watching people trying to impress their dates by riding the mechanical bull was pure entertainment gold. Michael sat with his friends and laughed and cheered along with everyone else. He had to admit he was having a good time, even if it seemed like Forrest was glued to Alex’s side, constantly giving him little kisses on his cheek and holding his hand on the table. 
Alex allowed it most of the evening but got annoyed when Forrest nuzzled into his neck more than once. He turned to Forrest and whispered low so no one else could hear. “Can you dial it back a bit. It’s making me uncomfortable.”
Forrest glanced across the table to Michael, who for once wasn’t staring at them before looking back to Alex. “You’re uncomfortable or he is?”
“Forrest, that’s not fair. We’re all having a good time tonight, can you not ruin it?” 
“How is showing you I care ruining it?” Forrest feigned innocence.
Alex sighed. “Never mind.” He watched the latest rider fall to the ground to a chorus of groans.
Forrest took a long swallow of beer and stood up. “You know what? I think I’m gonna give it a try. After you do love a hot cowboy, right?”
Alex groaned. “Forrest! You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
Forrest pretended he didn’t hear him and walked up to the guy controlling the bull. After a few moments, he climbed on and signaled he was ready. Everyone at the table watched in amazement at Forrest not only made it through the green level, but the yellow and red as well. 
The whole bar was cheering when he jumped off. Alex watched him eat up the praise of those around him. He glanced to Michael and noticed sweat on his brow and the slight tremor in the hand resting on the table. Sighing, he reached into his backpack and pulled out his flask. 
Wordlessly, he walked over to Michael and handed it to him. “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you. Drink before you puke.”
Michael eyed him and lifted the flask to his nose. He gave Alex a wry smile when he smelled the acetone. He shook his head in amusement and took a long sip before handing it back. 
Forrest made his was back to the table. “How was that for some bull riding?”
Alex’s smiled at him. “That was definitely some fancy stuff. I never knew you could ride like that.”
“Yeah, well, not all us cowboys show off.” Forrest threw Michael a smug smile before pulling Alex into a quick hug. 
Michael stood and for a moment Alex thought he might do something stupid but he just slapped Forrest on the back. “Great job, man. You made it look so easy I think I’ll give it a try too.”
Michael lasted all of ten seconds before he was thrown to the floor. He groaned as he stood and sheepishly made his way back to the table. “Guess it’s a lot harder than it looks.”
Alex rolled his eyes and took a long drink from his beer. Isobel and Max teased Michael for a few minutes about having to give up his hat to the Cowboy gods. Even Kyle and Maria got a few good natured digs in. Through it all Michael smiled and laughed it off as the loving teasing it was. 
That is until Forrest gave him a slow clap. “That was amazing. I thought someone with such macho cowboy swagger would be able to handle a fake bull for more than ten seconds.”
Michael continued to smile. “Yeah, guess I’m out of practice.”
“Or maybe it’s all for show and you’re just a crappy cowboy. Maybe you should give up your hat. I mean you did lose to a history nerd.” Forrest pulled Alex closer and kissed his cheek again. 
The table went quiet, Isobel shaking her head every so slightly at Michael. He swallowed and took his hat off his head to set it on the chair next to him. Glancing around the table at the worried faces of his friends, made his stomach churn. They all thought he was going to cause a scene and lash out at Forrest. Instead he just stood and headed out of the bar. He could hear Isobel and Liz calling after him but he didn’t stop until he was in his truck heading back to the airstream. 
@@@
Alex pushed Forrest’s arm off his shoulder. “What the hell was that?”
“Oh come on, Alex, I was just having some fun.” Forrest replied, kissing him again.
“I told you to stop doing that. It makes me uncomfortable.” 
Forrest held up his hands. “Sorry, I was just joking. I didn’t mean anything.”
“No, you weren’t joking. You were intentionally rude to him. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Alex stood and grabbed Michael’s hat off the chair.
“Where are you going?” Forrest called when he headed to the door. 
“To apologize for my asshole ex-boyfriend.” Alex snapped.
Forrest chuckled. “He didn’t do anything you have to apologize for.” 
Alex stopped and turned to stare at Forrest. He opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it and continued to the exit.
He could hear Rosa as he reached for the door. “He wasn’t talking about Michael, asshole.”
@@@
Alex could see the fire pit glowing when he pulled into the junkyard. He slowed his car, grabbed Michael’s hat and got out. “You forgot something.”
Michael took a long swallow from his beer. “You keep it. Looks better on you.”
Alex laughed. “So dramatic.”
“What are you doing here, Alex?”
“You didn’t have to do that you know.”
Michael shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Alex sat down next to Michael. “You are still a miserable liar. Thank you for tonight. It was great to be out with everyone and not have it feel weird.”
“I’m glad you had a good time. Did you really come here just to return my hat?” Michael asked.
“Not just to return the hat. I also came to apologize for my asshole ex-boyfriend.” 
Alex said it so casually that Michael leaned forward, sure he misheard. “Come again?”
“Yeah, it seemed to confuse Forrest too, though I think Rosa took a little too much pleasure in explaining it to him. I broke up with him.”
Michael’s brow furrowed. “Why?”
Alex smirked and leaned close, his lips almost touching Michael’s. “Seems history nerds aren’t type.”
Michael shifted in his seat. “Oh yeah? And what is your type?”
“Science nerd with a bit of macho cowboy thrown in.” 
Michael gave an indignant squawk that was silenced by Alex’s lips on his. 
When he pulled away, Alex smiled softly. “Will you come home with me, cowboy?”
Michael grinned. “Let me grab my hat.”
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spaceskam · 3 years
Text
only then i am human
Summary: Rosa and Alex have a talk.
Tags: friendship, asexual rosa
ao3
It was cold in Colorado.
Rosa felt a chill go down her spine, but it felt nice and sobering and she didn’t want to go inside to get a jacket. Instead, she swung her feet off the edge of the balcony, beneath the bars, and stared out to the nothingness around the hotel that Michael had picked.
She had listened to Alex and Michael old-married-couple argue the entire way up to the suite. Alex thought going somewhere expensive with a more obvious paper trail was stupid, but Michael had never been to a nice hotel and this was his only shot to do it with money he didn’t care about‒Jesse Manes’ life insurance. Alex stopped complaining whenever they got up to the suite and there was a separated bedroom and a pullout couch and the two of them would get to be alone for the first time since they left Roswell to go investigate.
Rosa had practically begged them to let her tag along, needing new scenery and to get away from everything that came with Isobel Evans. She was, again, too close for comfort and Rosa was starting to get anxiety whenever she came around, progress be damned. When she found out Michael and Alex were going to investigate Weird Alien Shit™, she jumped at the chance to put space between them.
But her mind was still hazy, still not liking the way she felt uncomfortable when Isobel texted to check-in. It was fine at first. She even liked talking to her for a while. And then it wasn’t fine.
Rosa flinched out of her daze as a blanket touched her shoulders and she looked to see Alex easing himself to sit beside her, placing his crutches on the ground beside him. He was in his nightclothes, his hair was wet, and he looked more relaxed than he had in a few days.
“Finally got laid?” Rosa asked. Alex snorted and rolled his eyes, but he didn’t deny it. Rosa let her eyes drift back out to the nothingness.
“You okay? It’s getting late,” he said instead. Rosa shrugged, resting her head against the bars. “Michael’s out cold, so you can talk without thinking he’s gonna overhear.”
Rosa huffed a laugh and looked back out. She didn’t actually care what Guerin heard. He was probably the only alien that didn’t make her skin crawl. She wasn’t sure if it was because Alex trusted him or if it was because he was brutally honest with her about everything, but she preferred him to even most people. Besides, he made Alex soft and fed him hot fudge sundaes and Alex deserved that.
“Isobel keeps texting me,” Rosa said.
“I thought you two were friends,” Alex said carefully. Rosa bit the inside of her cheek and swung her legs a bit harder.
“We‒are, but,” Rosa said, pausing as she tried to find the words, “I don’t know. Something is making it weird. Like, I’m not scared of her. But it’s close to fear. Or something. I don’t know, Alex, I don’t do feelings well.”
“Uncomfortable?” Alex guessed, slowly like he didn’t want to assume anything. Rosa shrugged but then nodded, though she wasn’t sure if that was the right word either. “How’s she acting?”
“I… I don’t know. She’s just too close sometimes. Leans too close and talks too close, like we’re a part of some inside joke together but I missed the memo. Kinda like it was before, Rosa tried, though it wasn’t quite right, “But not really. Like I don’t think she’s trying to make it weird. Does that make sense?”
“You think it might be PTSD?” Alex asked. Rosa instantly shook her head.
“No, it’s not just her.”
“Yeah, but you literally got murdered. Like… that can fuck someone up for more than just one person,” Alex said. Rosa’s lips twitched into a small smile and she shook her head.
“No, it’s not like that. It… It kinda happened before then. Drugs helped, honestly,” Rosa admitted, “Anyone who gets too comfortable with me in that way makes me feel weird and like I need to get away. And I usually can and do, but with her it’s a little different because we’re actually friends. And before everything, I either got high to deal with it or I pushed them away. But I’m friends with her, so I should be fine. I don’t know why I’m not fine. I don’t know, it’s weird, I don’t know how to explain it.” 
Rosa groaned, letting her head hit the bars with a bit of force. She hated trying to put her feelings into words.
“I mean, we’re close. I act close. You and Michael have been weirdly buddy-buddy. And Maria. Do you feel that with us?” Alex asked, though it sounded like he already knew the answer. Rosa eyed him until he quirked a small smile, a silent confirmation that he basically had her pegged.
“No. You two are gross, but I feel fine. Mostly.”
“So, do you think it might be, like, flirting? Is that what sets off the sirens in your head?” Alex asked. Rosa scrunched up her nose.
“Are they flirting?”
“I mean, I don’t know, I’m asking you,” Alex said, shrugging. Rosa looked more directly at him and wished he could just give her the answers. He was older than her now, so, really, he should be able to do that. “If they’re being close and stuff, it might be because she likes you. Just tell her you’re not interested.”
The idea of doing that made Rosa feel like locking herself in a small room and never coming out.
“Unless… You are interested.”
“No,” Rosa said instantly, shaking her head, “I’m not.”
“It’s okay if you are.”
“I’m not though,” Rosa said firmly, “But if I say something, she’s probably not going to be my friend anymore, right? Like she’ll get mad. And then I won’t have friends.”
“She won’t. And if she does then she’s the problem and fuck her,” Alex said simply. Rosa sighed, tilting her head back to look up at the moon. “Is this really like… a recurring problem? Where you get uncomfortable whenever you think someone might be flirting with you?”
“I mean, I’m just not interested in a relationship and I don’t want to lead anyone on and I don’t want to make anyone angry,” Rosa said, “It was much easier when I could just take something and not feel it.”
“Okay, but we’re not doing that. We’re working through it. Is it a rejection thing? A sexuality thing? Whenever I was in high school, I’d get that way when girls flirted with me, didn’t know what to do without giving them the wrong idea,” Alex offered, scooting closer as he tried to help. She appreciated it, but she also wished he’d leave her alone and go away. “You say you’re not interested. Are you, like, not interested at all… ever?”
“No offense, Alex, but I don’t want to have this conversation with you,” Rosa said. Alex huffed a small laugh.
“Who else is there to have it with?” Alex wondered. Rosa made a face and looked at him. He seemed open and earnest. He seemed grown up.
With a sigh, Rosa asked, “What does it feel like? When you like someone like that?”
“Like the scariest thing in the world and also the best. Like all the movie cliches make sense and half the time they’re all you can think about. You just want to be with them and have them pay attention to you. You just want them in anyway you can have them, like a craving you can’t satisfy. Like, with Michael, when we were younger, I was so scared of how much I wanted him, but he’d look at me and it felt like he trusted me and it made me feel brave. And, I don’t know, I guess I made him feel brave too. You just want to be close and to keep them safe and have them always,” Alex rambled, clearly trying his best to explain it.
For the first time, Rosa didn’t feel like she was drowning in confusion.
“Okay,” she said, “I’ve never felt like that before.”
“Ever?”
“No,” she said, laughing softly, “I thought that was fake.”
“Definitely not fake,” Alex said, looking at her with a soft look. Sort of like the one she tried so desperately to give him when he came to her, thirteen and miserable, to say he thought he liked boys and didn’t think he could tell anyone else.
He probably pulled it off much better than she did.
“Okay, then what does that make me? Heartless?” Rosa asked, though she didn't really feel bad about realizing what she wasn’t feeling. At least she knew that she was actually not feeling it and she wasn’t just drastically misunderstanding something. “A prude, maybe?”
“Have you ever looked into asexuality?” Alex asked. Rosa shook her head. “I haven’t really either to be fair. I actually learned about it from Michael. He apparently got really into queer literature and history whenever Max was dead, would read it to him as a way to be caring and annoying at the same time. Sometimes he’ll spout fun facts at me. Anyway, sounds like it might be something you wanna look into.”
“Okay, I will,” Rosa agreed, though she still found herself looking out to the nothingness.
“Not that you need labels. I just think sometimes knowing we’re not the only ones out there like us is helpful. And you’re already an anomaly in other ways, so might as well not make yourself feel more alone than you are, you know? It’s clearly upsetting you,” Alex said. Rosa nodded.
“I get it. Thanks.”
“And maybe talk to Isobel, tell her to give you some space.”
Rosa sighed, tilting her head back and closing her eyes for a moment. She just wanted everything to make since. She didn’t like navigating new friendships in the first place, it was scary and she was never able to gauge how they felt about her. It was easier, especially when she was sober, to just not deal with it. To just keep the friends she had now and push everyone else away.
But that wasn’t plausible or healthy and she knew it. That would lead a lonely existence and she was already lonely. She never felt like she was anyone’s person in the way she wanted to be someone’s person. And, really, it was a hard thing to request because she wasn’t sure how to explain it herself.
She supposed, however, that she would never get anywhere if she didn’t try.
“Seriously, trust me. Avoiding the tough conversations only leads to shitty situations. Like, you know, a decade of complications because you never speak,” Alex pointed out. Rosa rolled her eyes at him.
“You can’t pull that card with me, it’s you and Guerin’s fault for all that.”
Alex grinned and shrugged.
“Yeah, but once we talked, we got to a place that we’ve both been wanting for a long time. So cut out the bullshit and just tell her what you want and don’t want. Again, if she gets mad, fuck her,” Alex said. Rosa nodded and sighed all over again. Sometimes she hated having to be grown up. “Okay, I’m gonna go to bed. We’ve got a big week, so try to get some sleep yourself, okay? Love you.”
“Love you too,” Rosa said, accepting his smile as he pushed himself up and made his way back into the suite and into the room he was sharing with Michael.
It was weird hearing it put into words. She obviously knew people liked each other in a way different than she could understand, but she had never really clocked how real it was to them. She understood craving someone’s attention and presence, but it wasn’t in the way it seemed to be for Michael and Alex or even Liz and Max. She thought they were just being fucking annoying.
Maybe there was something she was missing.
Reluctantly, Rosa pulled out her phone and opened the text thread she’d had with Isobel.
Rosa: Hey, I think we should talk when I get back. Set some boundaries, maybe.
Before it could even show that Isobel had seen it, Rosa exited out and put her phone on do not disturb. She stared out at the trees and nothingness for a few more minutes before she eventually got the courage to get up and go inside. She shut the glass door and laid down on the pullout couch that Alex had set up for her. 
She hadn’t realized how tired she’d been until her head hit the pillow, a wave of exhaustion hitting her at full force. And she was thankful for that, honestly. It was easier to keep a clear head when you couldn’t stay awake.
Still, before she could fall asleep, she opened her notes app to type a reminder.
Asexuality. Ask guerin to borrow some of his books.
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