#and all bcs they want to ‘hold her accountable’ which is stupid bcs what do u think ur even accomplishing

[jentlemahae]

-

[thebearer]

Annnnnnd how would Lip act in the situation of the devastation fic

i’ve had to think about this tbh. bc he kinda already had his own version with the unexpected pregnancy news of freddy.

but i started thinking in terms of lip’s reader leaving and taking the kids with her, and genuinely, i can’t think of a situation where that would happen and she would come back. like they’d be done.

now, with that being said, i could see lip and you getting into a fight- a huuuuugggeee fight. bigher than the one when you found out you were pregnant with amelia. this is based off of lip with best friend!reader who’s a elementary school teacher. she does pretty well, has a salary and insurance so wayyyy better than anything lip grew up with, but they’re not rich by any means. truly comfortable. lip’s working at the auto shop, still doing odd ball jobs but more full time, got promoted to a shift supervisor and got a raise. you both share a bank account together bc it makes it easier.

debby (bc it’s always debby and i’m a debby hater sorry) does something stupid. stupid enough to need bail money, stupid enough that she might get franny taken away or placed into custody elsewhere. debby calls lip, wailing and frantic for money, and lip, of course, rushes to give in.

comes to you all frantic and manic. “hey, uh, i-i need to move some money alright?”

“move some money? why?” you frown. “lip, are you- is everything alright?”

“debby got arrested.” lip mumbles. he’s known you for a while, a long while, he knows your disdain when it comes to debby and her carelessness. more so, his incessant need to always pull her out of the hole she dug herself in. “she needs money for bail.”

“woah, woah, hold on.” you stop him. “you’re- you’re not- lip, absolutely not.”

“what?” lip snaps. “absolutely not? what-“

“-lip.” you glare at him lightly. “no, we-we don’t have that kind of money right now. jude starts daycare next month, and the daycare fees are going to double-“

“-yeah because you insist on puttin’ them in that fancy ass one by your school.” lip scoffs. “couldn’t leave them with mrs. mcgee. too fuckin’ good for that.”

“yeah, i am too good to leave my babies with a lady who chain smokes and watches the price is right all day.” you glare. “i want my babies to go somewhere safe and- that’s not even the point right now. lip, no. you’re not doing it. we can’t afford it.”

“we can fucking afford it. don’t start this shit with me-“

“-lip, we might have the money for it, but that does not mean we can afford it. that’s our savings, our safety net-“

“-and this is my family. my sister.” lip gritted his teeth. “isn’t that what the safety nets for, huh? for shit like this? unexpected bad shit?”

“not for debby.” you snap, finality in your tone. “not for someone who continues to make bad decisions and not learn from them and then wants you to run and get her out of it every time. i’m sorry, lip. this time i’m not letting you do it.”

that escalates bc one, you told lip he couldn’t do something which just made him turn more stubborn, and two, he’s blinded with irrational rage.

“what about franny, huh? she’s your fuckin’ niece, you’re gonna just let her get put in the system-“

“-franny is more than welcome to stay here. i will gladly take her while debby’s figuring shit out, but you have kids you need to think of. two kid that are yours that you need to think of, lip!”

“don’t you fucking dare.” lip snarls. “don’t you use my kids against me.”

“i’m not using them against you! jesus, lip, you don’t get to just come in here and tell me what we’re doing with our money! that’s my money in there too, ok? i’m telling you right now, if you fuckin’ use my money on this, and not think about our kids, you might as well just not come home.”

lip is furious, leaves without another word, slamming the door hard behind him leaving you in the house with freddy and baby jude. you’re fuming, upset, hurt- he’s feeling the same. lip is furious, furious at you telling him what to do.

he ends up at ian’s house after coming dangerously close to going to the alibi. ian talks him down, tells him you’re right, which was not what lip wanted to hear.

“debby can wait. she’ll get out soon enough and she can figure it out.” ian rolls his eyes. “she shouldn’t have been such a fuckin’ moron.”

“what about franny then, huh? you’re gonna just let her go into the system? let cps get her until then?” lip spat furiously.

ian scoffs. “franny is with carl right now. he’s bringin’ her here tonight.”

lip burns with embarrassment, feeling petulant but still pissed. “hey, word of advice?” ian smirks. “quit bein’ a hard headed jack ass and go home and apologize to your wife before she comes to her senses and leaves your ass for good.”

and lip is still mad but it’s dwindling, a guilt replacing it instead. he just needed to calm down, to think straight. walking back to your house, he had the time to.

lip jammed his key in the door, the ridges not sliding the usual way, not clicking. so he tried again, turning the key with no luck- it didn’t budge. he pulled on the knob, twisting again and again but nothing. “stupid fuckin’ piece of shit door.” lip grumbles, knocking on the door.

he waits, huffing, knocking louder. when there was still no response, lip goes to pull out his phone, only then does he see the pink envelope with his name on it on the welcome mat.

lip opens it up to find a note:

“phillip,

since you insist on doing whatever you want without asking me or considering our family, i decided i would do the same. you can go stay with debby since you chose her over me and my kids.

ps. don’t bother with the lock, i had them changed xoxo”

he found his car keys under the envelope. lip was furious, absolutely fucking furious and sick and upset and just overwhelmed with every emotion possible. you hadn’t even given him his lighter, so he took a walk to the corner store to buy a pack of spirits and a lighter. he called you on his way back, not surprised when you didn’t pick up.

“hey, you know, i know you think you’re bein’ real fuckin’ funny but this shit isn’t funny, ok? i didn’t choose debby, i didn’t do shit, alright? so let me back in the house and let’s be adults about this.”

then another voicemail.

“alright, seriously? you’re not gonna let me in? you’re not gonna let me come say goodnight to freddy or jude? that’s fucked up. really fuckin’ fucked up.”

“you’re bitchin’ me out about not spending money, and-and you get that done? get the locks changed? how much did that cost huh? you can use money to be petty and childish but i don’t get a say in what i want to use it in?”

“ok this is ridiculous. let me in. talk to me. be a fuckin’ adult.”

“seriously? where the fuck am i supposed to sleep tonight? i know you’re fuckin’ seeing’ these- i can fuckin’ see you! just let me in!”

you don’t budge. don’t reply back, don’t answer the calls. he knows better than to bang on the door, wake jude or freddy up, and truthfully… he’s a little terrified at the moment. very scared that you’re truly done with him, that ian was right and you’d come to your senses.

so he slept in his car. in the driveway, thankful it was warm that night and he had a few spare shirts and things in the back. he waited until the next morning, when he knew you’d be up with the boys, to ring the doorbell.

his anger had vanished to fear and guilt, retreating back to you with his tail tucked between his legs, all sad eyes and gentle apologies that you deflected with anger still bubbling.

it definitely took him a while to make it up, a very long while before you actually gave him his new key. he had to make it up to you, work on his communication and his sharing especially with you.

[lexluvswriting]

ꔫ L'autunno.

☆ Ch: 3                                                 [last page] [next page]

-> Pairing: Eris x ballet dancer!fem!reader.

-> (CW): x fem!reader (she/her), slow-burn, rivals to lovers, tinkle of angst on occasion, fluff, non-specified identity Summer Court!reader, regarding canon ACOTAR time: after defeat of Hybern.

-> (TW): uhm, some slight simmering sexual tension, ig? your first fight w daddy (jk. ur just a bit of a meanie in this chapter i'm afraid), Eris Vanserra is a mumma's boy bc i said so, thank u & good night.

W/C: 3.6 k

╰┈➤ Lex's note: I am SO SO SORRY THAT THIS IS SO LATE EVERYONE!! i've had assignment after assignment after assignment for the last 4 weeks on each friday [which is when i usually write 😵‍💫] I'm posting ch 3 tonight, but i'll have ch 4 and maybe 5 ready tomorrow!!

It had now been three days since receiving the news that you’d be performing for the Vanserra family personally. In that time, you had also discovered a few prominent things to note: the potential financial ruin that would befall the old dance studio if its debts weren’t repaid in time; that Eris Vanserra was a snide, egocentric prick who seemed to like watching you dance an awful amount, and that Eris Vanserra’s personal scent was of smoky woodfire, with a subtle hint of maple- a combination that made your stomach lurch. That last bit was information you were sure you could live without, but from when you two had ‘spoken’ in the hallway of the studio after the raspberry coulis debacle, it lingered in your nose and messed with your head.

It was the fourth day of practice- three days ‘till the Autumn Equinox- so as any normal girl did, you were trying to find reasons not to attend the Equinox, and not to attend the ball afterwards on Eris’ arm. Today to your dismay, he had requested time with you personally, and you were highly suspicious. However, your motherly confidants weren’t hearing a word of it.

“Think of the opportunities, petal! You will have a chance to wear some of the most beautiful dresses in all of the Autumn Court- perhaps all of Prythian! Everyone will be having their sights set on the Equinox in place of Calanmai, so you will be a star!” Primrose gushed, clapping her hands and pressing them together as she swooned- the pot plants to her left accelerating in growth, their blossoms procuring the most vibrant coloured flowers, feeding on her magic as the Spring Court native expressed her excitement.

“If [Y/N] wanted to be a star, she’d go to the Night Court and rendezvous with the lordling there. But she’s not.” Ordelia interjected her wife’s exclamations with a slight frown, taking a brush to your locks as you sat on the floor in front of the fae female. “You cannot possibly try to avoid it now- this would be a wonderful time to show Eris that you are skilled with your body and your mind. Indulge the boy in his dances, let him crow about his achievements, then confront him on what they are doing in the harvest quarter. The cul-de-sacs and the complexes are being raided almost weekly.” She encouraged firmly, wanting you to push forward with bringing up the topic of concern to the lordling. You winced slightly as she raked the brush through your hair as she spoke, yet you let her style your hair neatly.

“This is a chance for you two to discuss important topics, [Y/N]. Ignore the tabloids, and the gossips. You will be with the heir to the Autumn Court- the opportunity to hold his family accountable is staring you blank in the face!”

You sighed, fiddling with some loose fabric on the long, loose sleeve of your blouse. “Even if I were to talk to him, I highly doubt he has the capacity to process what I want to discuss. Besides, this feels stupid- why does he need to spend a whole day with me anyway?”

“Well it would make sense! You’ll be on his arm the night of the actual Equinox- he ought to make sure he knows who he’s dealing with.” Primrose advised helpfully, Ordelia nodding contemplatively behind you, “He might be wanting to look out for your best interests and warn you in advance about Beron.”

Ah, yeah. That tyrant. The arsehole who wrongfully increased the land taxes despite the land being on its last limb during Amarantha’s ‘blight’, merely to make his people work harder with no time for mourning or celebrating. The bastard who is not-so-sneakily declaring an exodus on non-Autumn fae, making every step you took a more calculated one when you’d walk to and from the studio.

After the protests in the streets recently, Primrose stopped sitting on her balcony to watch the sunset, and now Ordelia mostly runs the errands. You’ve been staying over at theirs a lot more too- not feeling comfortable in your own apartment, staring at the certificates recognising your creative and academic ability, thus granting you these pleasures. Not with the small Summer Court trinkets on your shelves despite living in the Autumn Court apartment. You didn’t even feel like a true fae. You felt foreign- like that human girl who was living in the Spring Court all that time. A small part of you wondered if she’d understand these troubles in the human lands too.

You had zoned out, and they both seemed to catch on to the way you went deathly still. Primrose warmed your hands with hers as she pulled you to stand, embracing you. “It will be alright, my petal. Don’t you worry your pretty little head. Just enjoy yourself today, yes? You’re going to be with the lord’s son. Perhaps he’s more than the papers make him to be.”

“He’s a male.” You huffed softly, yet her embrace gave you a small flicker of confidence.

Maybe it would be alright after all.

--- ⋆⁺₊✧˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☾⋆⁺₊✧⋆ ---

“Are you going to be scowling this much at the Equinox ball?”

“Depends. Will you irritate me this much then?” Whatever Primrose and Ordelia advised for you flew completely out the window as soon as you entered the carriage that waited outside your complex. You had glanced around nervously before climbing in as soon as the door opened, his smug voice welcoming you.

“What are you afraid of? I won’t bite- not unless you’d like me to.”

Your nose wrinkled at his tacky response, but it was truly his foxish grin that unsettled you. In fact, everything about him unsettled you. You truly despised how handsome he was- especially when he was quiet, when he didn’t annoy you. It gave you time to observe him as he looked out the window of the moving carriage. His eyes glimmered in the light of the sun, as if his irises couldn’t decide what colour they wanted to be. His hair reminded you of the brightest, orange leaf you could find. He certainly seemed to emanate the idea of ‘Autumn’- as if he was the physical manifestation. Your stomach lurched as you sobered up to the ‘goo-goo’ eyes you gave him, your lip curling as you huffed at Eris and looked away, causing him to chuckle.

“I didn’t even say anything that time.”

You didn’t deign to respond, sending him a judgemental side glare, as if he wasn’t the noble who was taking you out for the day.

“You ought to be nice to me, lest you incur the wrath of my father. Or myself, for that matter.” His canines flashed as he smiled at you, his body language conveying a silent warning. You snorted softly at the mention of his father, unable to bite your tongue as you crossed your arms,

“And what will he do? Kick me out of his court? Wouldn’t be the first, would I?”

Eris’ face fell, and all sense of mirth- no matter how smug- left his face. He regarded you with a slow, calculating look- his eyes raking over you- before he rolled them, a more snarky, arrogant smirk curling on his lips as he regarded you again, clicking his tongue.

“My, my, what a tongue. Don’t tell me you’re subjecting me to ‘politics’ now. Aren’t you supposed to look pretty and dance?”

“Why am I here?” It wasn’t a question, and you wouldn’t apologise for it as you snapped at him, narrowing your eyes as you sat up straight- as if to strike like a cobra.

“Don’t you listen, darling? I’m taking you out for the day- to get acquainted and what-not. You ought to learn about my family before you insult them as horribly as you insult me- and we’ve only been friends for a day.”

You barked a laugh, almost recoiling in disgust. Friends? I’d rather drink dirty lake water.

“You are also going to be responsible for assisting in a make-shift Calanmai, shall we say.”

Your ears twitched, and you almost lunged for him. “If you’re implying that we are to share a bed, I’d prefer you to kill me right now.”

This time, he rolled his eyes, shaking his head as if you were the idiot in the carriage. “No, darling. Why don’t you listen to me first, before you go off rattling your poor little brain. The Spring Court cannot… ‘deliver’ on Calanmai this year, so the Autumn Court has decided to take up the honour. The Equinox is the night where the magic in our land concentrates the most- so you will be dancing to appeal to the Mother, and invoke a surge of power. Then, we will have a ball, where you get to look pretty on my arm and do some dances for me, in true ballerina fashion.”

“Prick.”

“That naughty tongue of yours- I must say, darling, you won’t last a minute with my father if you keep that up-”

“I could care less for your father.” You cut in, glaring at him with all the contempt you could muster.

“I could care less for him, and you, and your spoilt, sheltered family. You’re all tyrants.” The leash you kept your temper on, which wasn’t doing much before, was on its final thread now. But when Eris watched you in his usual smug amusement, snickering softly as if your disdain for him was comical, it made you lose it.

“See? You laugh because you know it’s true. You’re a spoilt, womanising bastard of a ‘lord’, and I dread the poor girl who has to sire your children. You- like your father, have no respect for your citizens- the natives, and those who came here seeking asylum.”

He inspected his nails boredly while you ranted, nodding along dryly, “Oh, I know. Doesn’t it just eat you up inside?”

“It does, actually. You and your father make no sense. He’s actively driving your people to ruin- upping their land tax when he knows damn well how Amarantha’s blight affected the court’s harvest and vegetation. Your soldiers are pulling families out of their homes in the dead of night, in the middle of the day, kicking them out with nothing but the clothes on their back and for what? Because your father was in the mood for some ‘nationalism’? Mothers, pleading for shelter, their children cold and crying while you all sit back and do nothing- provide no resolutions, no assistance. I don’t even want to imagine how weak and pathetic your mother must be-”

“Hold your fucking tongue.”

A sharp snarl tore through your rant, and in a blink, he had you pinned against the back of the carriage seat. Eris’ breath warmed your face, his canines sharp and pearly enough that you saw your warped reflection in them. His eyes were certainly bright now- as if he had captured the Vanserra fire in his irises, and for a moment you were completely distracted by his pretty eyes before you felt how tightly he gripped your upper arms, the feeling of his fingers digging into your biceps uncomfortably making you snarl as you pushed against him, trying to kick him off. Your body seemed to wake up as his skin made contact with yours; blood rushing in your veins; heart racing- the beats pounding in your ear as your stomach fluttered? Churned? You weren't sure what it was, but you didn’t like the foreign feeling.

“Let me go-”

Unwavering, he kept you in his grasp, his breathing almost uneven, some loose strands of auburn hair curling as they hung in front of his eyes. Everything felt far too amplified as he forced eye contact from you, and you wanted to get away from whatever this was.

“Speak about the Lady of the Autumn Court like that again, and I’ll rip out your fucking tongue.”

You had never been up and close with the Autumn heir- never knew what he looked like when he was angry- never experienced his aggression. But the flutter, the flicker of something that roiled in your lower stomach made you swallow dryly, your eyes locked on his as you silently nodded, your voice soft,

“Fine.”

Your eyes had widened at this point, and to a stranger, it would look like you were a frail deer cornered by a fox. Eris took slow, deliberate breaths to calm himself, his glare deadly as it bore into you in a way that was uncomfortably intimate. You watched his eyes visibly flicker from your own to your lips for a considerable moment, before he pulled away, releasing your arms from his grip as he sat back in his seat, looking out the window- jaw clenched. You both stayed silent for the rest of the carriage ride, yet your eyes never strayed from his jaw for that moment; your stomach fluttered every time he clenched it.

Well, this was certainly a start.

--- ⋆⁺₊✧˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☾⋆⁺₊✧⋆ ---

You felt the carriage stop, and your head slowly turned back in his direction. At some point, you had turned away, looking out the window as you hugged yourself- your hands resting on your arms, where his hands had wrapped around them. You couldn’t get the feeling of them off you, the area of skin that he touched was still warm even after he had let go ages before. Your mind had raced in that long moment of silence- he certainly took the reputation of his mother seriously. What possibly could have caused that reaction? You had tried to remember what you could about the Lady of Autumn; not that there was much to go off. She barely had a moment in the spotlight, thanks to Beron. You didn’t even know her name- but did anyone? Everything you could remember about her was… muted. As if she wasn’t really there.You thought of the noble female fae again, and remorse trickled in, making you almost flinch at the way it tasted in your mouth. You pictured a lonely woman, married off to a man that made it his mission to evidently mistreat her, and it made something die within you. 

“I’m sorry.”

It was quiet, and he didn’t spare you a glance as he opened the door, disappearing out of the carriage before a hand stuck back in, waiting for yours to help you out of the carriage. You hesitated- would it burn? Would it warm your body the way it did when he grabbed you before? You barely had a chance to consider it before he pulled you out as if you weighed nothing more than a feather, his other hand instinctively catching your waist to steady you as your feet touched the ground. Before you could even look up at him, he let go, looking away with indifference that made a small part of you roll your eyes.

“I’m sorry. For insulting you and your family.”

You tried again, toeing at a small pebble on the ground. This was stupid. You felt like a child. And what right did he have to get all upset when it was true what you had said-

“I couldn’t care less what you think of me, nor my father. But you do not speak of my mother that way. Ever.” The seriousness in his tone when he regarded you finally made you stand straighter. There he was. That was Eris Vanserra, heir to the Autumn Court and future Lord, the oldest Vanserra son. This time, there was no arrogance from him when he spoke- nor any barbed retorts from you. You looked at him, squinting as the rays of the sun slightly marred your vision before you shielded your eyes with a hand.

“Where are we?”

“The amphitheatre that will be used for the Equinox. Thought you’d want to see where you’d be performing, lest you accuse me of ‘blind-siding’ you.” He seemed to have resorted back to his snide, playful manner quick enough- yet you were still cautious- still curious.

“I’m not from the Autumn Court.” You blurted out- not in the most cohesive way, of course- shifting your weight from leg to leg as you stayed put as he walked ahead. He sensed that you hadn’t followed and sighed, glancing back at you with a raised eyebrow.

“But you live in the Autumn Court, darling. Forgotten already?”

“No. That’s not what I meant.” You almost felt like a child with the way you responded, and he seemed to pick up on that as he snickered.

“I’m not from the Autumn Court.” You tried again, narrowing your eyes as you watched him roll his ith a dramatic sigh.

“Would you like a medal?”

You ignored him and stepped forward, looking out at the autumn scenery, shivering slightly despite being dressed in warm layers. “Why was I chosen to do this? Wouldn’t it make more sense to have someone of Autumn Court origin?”

“Are you really this ungrateful for such a prestigious opportunity?” The smile in his voice was evident as he goaded you, and you sighed, making your irritation known. He chuckled, clicking his tongue and shaking his head as he grabbed your arm to walk with you, only to sigh happily as you hissed and smacked his hand away,

“Alright, alright- I confess, I picked you personally.”

Well you knew that already. 

“Obviously. Why?” You glanced at him as you both walked towards the large stone infrastructure, and he shrugged, the smile on his face evident that he wasn’t going to tell you- or at least, tell the truth.

“You’re pretty. Available. Apparently you’re the best in the Autumn Court. Why wouldn’t I?” He asked sweetly, his saccharine grin making you glare at him before looking forward. His words made your ears redden, yet you tried to ignore his wily charms as you followed.

--- ⋆⁺₊✧˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☾⋆⁺₊✧⋆ ---

Leaves crunched underfoot as you neared the large amphitheatre where you’d be performing, your eyes widening as you took in the horizon that came into view. The amphitheatre was situated on a tall hill that seemed to overlook all of the Autumn court territory, and even you couldn’t resist the varying hues of red through brown that appeared in the trees, in the reflections of the large lake at the foot of the hill you stood on. As you turned your head, looking back toward the structure, there was a tall, grey marbled statue of a feminine figure with a hood over her head, obscuring her face. In her hands, there was the image of fire, with a stony cauldron at her feet, and at the bottom of the statue was an inscription in a language you didn’t recognise- though you recognised the statuette immediately.

“The Mother.”

“And the Cauldron,” Eris nodded, eyeing the statue with a face you couldn’t read, before he nodded at you.

“You’ll be dancing in front of her, and my family, and probably most- if not all of the Autumn Court, to invoke the magic of the Court and make sure it thrives- isn’t that exciting?” Eris crooned patronisingly, not even giving you time to respond as he walked towards the large stone slab that posed as the main stage.

“And then, you and I will dance, commemorating me, commemorating my family- the one you seem to despise so eagerly- and commemorating the magic that flows through our land. How wonderful.” He sighed, as if swooning over a romantic gesture, and you couldn’t make your irritation more evident. 

“Lighten up, won’t you darling?” When his taunt went unanswered, that cunning, manipulative smile curled on his lips again as he walked over to where you were overlooking the Autumn Court.

“I mean it, you know. You ought to be kind to me. I hold the future of your beloved, ratty, worn-down studio in my treasury.” At the threat in his tone, you tensed, scoffing spitefully as you crossed your arms to hide from the chill.

“Threatening me now? Really?”

He shrugged, standing next to you with his hands behind his back as he looked out at the landscape, “Not a threat to you, darling. But to the old studio that seems to be in the way of some projects my father wants to take action on. It would be quite easy to knock down- I even heard a rumour that its owner is behind on payments! Imagine my surprise when your pathetic little instructor grovelled at my feet, begging for a solution.” He shrugged, completely indifferent to the callousness of his character. You, on the other hand, seethed with rage as hot as the sun. It bubbled and simmered, and you pondered how quickly you’d be able to run if you kicked him down the mountain. But instead, you bit your tongue- you two had already gone at each other’s throats today, and it wasn’t even lunch time. Eris took your silence as space to continue, and he chuckled unapologetically as he shrugged,

“Besides, I told your weaselly little ‘mentor’ that if you did not perform to my standards, did not act to my standards, he wouldn’t see the money that was to be rewarded for your service. Although… no money means no payment on the property, which means- Oh! No more dance classes for little [Y/N] [L/N], the prima of her time.” He shook his head, his voice sounding almost sympathetic, though your eyes caught his fiendish grin in your peripheral.

“You really like to hear yourself talk, don’t you?”

“It’s me, darling. Of course.”

“Prick.”

“Don’t push it, darling.”

╰┈➤ Lex's note 2: Ngl guys? this chapter is somewhat of a filler to bridge us to the next bits. I've had lots of writer's block but I persevered for you guys!! it's 1:20 a.m. for me rn and i have classes tomorrow so imma sleep- but pls give this some love, and (NICE) criticism bc i am a sensitive soul <3

[thehobbem]

Jane Eyre - Part II

DKZJFBDGHSJAKSJD THIS IS THE WORST MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN LITERARY HISTORY

*clears throat*

A few days ago I wrote this post about my first thoughts on Jane Eyre. Since people wanted to see my reactions to further events, here I am.

I gotta say: you were all holding out on me, because not only does Jane Eyre have a man more ridiculous than Darcy (by a CLEAR mile), but it also has a clergyman more insufferable than Edmund Bertram, which??? should not be possible???

Okay, so:

I was hoping Rochester would give up on the wedding and confess to Jane about his wife in the attic, but nope! And he would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling solicitor & brother-in-law. Like. This man is so idiotic, and felt so unbelievably sorry for himself, that he said with his full chest "yeah, bigamy is the solution! :D".

...Very uncomfortable how the narrative attributed the lowest possible vices to Bertha Rochester, while calling her "the creole". The vices weren't outright attributed to her being of mixed ancestry, but it felt like that was what was meant. All very uncomfortable. As uncomfortable as when the landed gentry wanted to visit a Romani encampment to see the Romani people (while, ofc, using the g-slur) as if they were animals in a circus? Hmmm, yeah, tough call!

(Look. I'm not gonna go around publicly denouncing books from past centuries for not being politically correct, bc that is an idiotic way to relate to literature from the past. Society was what it was, and not even the authors we admire so much were above that most of the time. But I can, and will!, look at certain things and go "wow, this aged like fucking milk". I think that's fair.)

AND THEN

Rochester, who can't possibly be thinking straight, proposes that Jane become his mistress!!!! Edward Fairfax Rochester, have you ever even MET Jane Eyre?? Do you know her but at all????

And he's like "me, me, me, what's to become of me, am I to be denied love, doesn't the world feel sorry for ME" and I nearly spit on my kindle, I was so mad XD How is this man, pushing fucking FORTY, putting on this preposterous show and leaving this 18-year-old girl to comfort him?????

(To bring up the sad sack that is Edmund Bertram again: it reminded me when Edmund wrote to Fanny: Maria has brought ruin to their name, Tom has nearly died, everyone is in distress, and he's like "But Fanny. Think of ME!!!" ugh)

But yes, honestly, Rochester's not evil, but he's so. goddamn. stupid. And draMATIC. I love him, he's a riot.

...I do not love how he kept blaming others for him marrying Bertha. Like. Sir. You were an adult and you married her of your own volition. "My father" this, and "her family didn't tell me" that, but YOU looked at her, thought she was gorgeous, and agreed to marry her. So fuck you. Hold yourself accountable, for a change. You man child.

So yeah, Jane runs away, which is totally the right decision, and without any money, which is totally the wrong decision, and ends up eating burned porridge again, and I'm like. If I had a nickel for every time Jane Eyre had to eat burned porridge while starving, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

Jane is then saved by the Rivers siblings: Mary and Diana Rivers, who are absolutely precious, and St. John Rivers, who is absolutely

UNBEARABLE OH MY GOD WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME

Me, every time St. John appeared on the page:

Hey. Charlotte? Charlotte. Was this a ploy? Did you bring St. John into the story to have us like Rochester more? Is St. John your way of going "Yeah, I know, Rochester is deranged, and what he wanted to do was morally and legally and spiritually wrong, but look at how boring righteous people can be!"? Was it? If so, it FUCKING WORKED, BRING EDWARD ROCHESTER BACK RIGHT NOW.

*rubs temples*

Also??? aekjsdzcbvsdjfsk I can't: St. John: "I found you employment." Jane: "Really? Which is it?" St. John: rambles on about the will of God or something, for entire paragraphs. Jane, who patiently waited for him to finish: "So? The job?" St. John: "Right! I don't know if you're gonna like it, but" rambles on again about the will of God or perseverance or something, for entire paragraphs. Jane: "Right. And the job?"

SIR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE TELL US WHAT THE FUCKING JOB IS

THIS IS LIKE MR. BROCKLEHURST ALL OVER AGAIN

...Oh. Oh.

That's the point.

St. John really is Brocklehurst again, I love it: both love to talk about how Christian they are, and how it's important to lead a life of humility, etc -- the difference being, ofc, that St. John is not a hypocrite, fat capitalist pig, he's actually leading by (insufferable) example. And they both make Jane feel bad about her true self, just in opposite ways.

And St. John wants to be a missionary, because of course this insufferable man wants to be a missionary and impose his views on nice people who are just living their fucking lives. And he goes on and on about... idk, bringing light to the unenlightened and saving pagans or whatever, and it's SO pedantic, and it's SO patronizing, and it's SO... UGH.

I cannot believe Jane gave this man a quarter of her entire fortune.

AND THEN

HE MAKES THE WORST MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN THE ENTIRE ENGLISH LITERATURE

No, I have not read the entirety of English literature, but oh boy am I fully confident in my statement. This is the WORST. Like. Mr. Collins' proposal is a shining beacon of unbridled love and romance next to THIS.

Me, reading his proposal:

"Jane, you weren't made for love, you were made for labour. You were made to be a missionary's wife" QEIARKSHV\CZNB;SAEKFJSDVC I'M GONNA GOUGE MY EYES OUT WITH A SPOON

At least Jane, too, was full aware of the insult XD Love that when she told Diana of the proposal, she repeated those exact words, and Diana was like "Girl, what??? Nu-uh!!!".

But it's all great. She refuses him, and he gets all prickly and assholish about it in the most holier-than-thou way possible, I hate him, but then she hears Rochester's voice in the wind crying out for her, and she hurries back to Thornfield. Sure, we've all been there.

Then we find out karma does exist and is the proverbial bitch: Rochester lost an eye, all of his eyesight, a hand, and his manor. Wow.

And then???? They have the CUTEST reunion ever???? And I was so happy for him???? For them??? Charlotte 😭😭😭👌👌👌

Rochester being all jealous of St. John, and I'm like "no, you're safe, he's the worst, he told Jane she wasn't made for love".

He also holds himself accountable at long last (hard not to, after all that), and he thought Jane was deeeeeeaaaad, and he was inconsolable and I'm a MESS

So all is good in the end: they marry -- LEGALLY! :D -- and have a child, and he recovers his eyesight on the eye he still has, and the Rivers siblings marry and are happy, and the book ends... with a letter from St. John saying he's dying??? WHAT

I love all of it. Specially St. John dying. A few stray observations:

The foreshadowing of future events is very well-planted, nicely done, Charlotte. That horse chestnut tree being split in half by lightning after Rochester proposes marriage to Jane? 👌👌👌👌👌 If I ever saw an omen!

And Jane. So smart, so good, so compassionate, so horny on main, so witty, so brave. May God keep St. John Rivers far away from her forever and ever.

LOVE how Jane begins with an aunt (who knows her and hates her) and 3 cousins (a John who torments her trying to diminish her, and two sisters who don't care if she's alive or not) and ends up having an uncle (who doesn't know her but loves her) and 3 cousins (a John who torments her trying to "elevate" her and two sisters who love her and save her life). The story is obviously very cyclical, and I enjoyed that a lot.

Don't know if I love or hate the fact that Charlotte slapped a "St." in front of the name of the John who wants to be a missionary and is the opposite of the first John XD (Yes, I know St. John is a real name, I've seen it many times before, but it's a bit on the nose here!)

...I wonder if Miss Ingram ever found out that Rochester wanted to marry the governess. I would've paid Charlotte Brontë good money to write THAT scene.

And last but not least: Pilot is the goodest boy in the whole wide world.

[meg96]

I can see in the mirror that I'm losing weight which is exactly what I wanted since olanzapine made me gain 50lbs. But I'm not starving myself but I'm also not being like one of those annoying health nuts who are like YOU NEED TO EAT 1500 CALORIES OR YOUR ORGANS WILL FAIL. Like no lol. I'm doing what works for me and will give me results at a timely pace without me having to "build muscle" bc I don't care nor do I have time for that. It's actually just as toxic sometimes I think to be super super anal about eating enough, not limiting yourself, etc etc as it is to be obsessed with dieting. Like I can honestly say the whole "eat what you want!" fucked me up a lot more than anorexia ever did and eventually led to bulimia.

My best friend had severe anorexia and my life revolved around making sure she was ok, that she was never triggered, that I always ate in a way that made her comfortable but it often made me not because I also struggled with food. When my ED eventually got worse she accused me of being toxic when she had been doing the same types of things, telling me about the same types of behaviours, even telling me about lolcows and shit which made me super insecure bc how could I trust her then to not think my ED was fake and stupid? And the validity of my ED was something I really struggled with too.

When I'd open up to her about it she'd be like "omg this is all my fault" and I have empathy for her for that but also no like. I get she was trying to express remorse for triggering me but at the same time I struggled with an ED for years and it seemed so self centered to me for her to say that and it felt like she was spitting in my face.

Anyway after everything I tried to do for her, all the late nights and work days I spent consoling her, all she says to me anymore is "I hope you get the help you need". I was there for you at your absolute lowest. I get that I went insane. I was shoplifting, I was BPing like multiple times a day, I was binge drinking to the point where I couldn't hold down a job I would drink before work. But the people I supported just never showed up for me, they said I was toxic and like I do take accountability but I've apologized and it's been years. I don't think it's fair to pin all this blame on me when I was having a really really hard time too.

[thedroloisms]

yes theres no doubt a large disparity esp on here when other communities outnumber this one in size. I mean to say the new wave over-saturates this behavior, when they all share the common mindset of "at least my guy is not as bad as that one" they conform to putting a controversy in the back of their mind because they never expect their guy to be subject to that limelight or little things that get dream lambasted for because they take part in it. Making sure their punching bag stays as that only punching bag. And seeing it happen to them is such a foreign thing to experience, so they have find ways to cope with it even if it means to drag a name that has nothing to do with the situation. It's my thought process at least that the critical thinking the general community adheres to will always be based on bias and malicious take-downs to make themselves seem better to a wider range beyond theirs. Its so naturally performative too, their statements have like a veneer of snarkiness to it that you can clock right away. Using "she didn't say anyone so we shouldn't speculate" and ignoring the deliberate details she dropped, makes empathy look like a smoke screen to deny or not talk about the person who everyone knows is in plain sight. I understand its a sensitive subject to most people but seeing the evidence of her spoken word be accused of being associated with leak stuff in order to blame something other than their guy is so disgusting. So thats why in this situation, seeing the stark differences as an observer, I can't help but laugh too otherwise I would go mad.

i'd say in my personal experience, older fans tend to be even worse about the "my guy is a good guy and better than dream" rhetoric specifically bc they cling to their experience in choosing "the right side" as giving them a moral high ground. a lot of said people are specifically even invoking dream's name in terms of decision-making in this situation, basically saying "ohhh this situation isn't like the dream situation, if it was like that then obviously i would've dropped him" or on the flip side being like "we can't be like dream fans, guys, we have to Drop Him and call him an awful inhuman monster #fuckmen" etcetera whatever. obviously there are plenty of problems with newer fans as well but i've seen pleeeenty of people acting in stupid ways who were specifically here for the allegations against dream in 2022 (including something i saw earlier which made me laugh a little bit - someone going "look i cant support abusers i used to be a dream fan but then the allegations dropped and i stopped supporting him because i didn't want to look bad :( i dont support will gold anymore but i will continue to draw wilbur soot" like ???? okay) - i feel like new fans are more of an issue bc they take this attitude from older fans and parrot and amplify it, but honestly i wouldn't really say new fans are the root of the issue (though obviously their lack of supporting a Bad Guy in the past factors into their superiority complexes in the present)

while there have been quite a few idiots making this situation about dream (some people outright accusing dream, though honestly i think those people were just trying to deflect the situation onto their favorite punching bag rather than making an actual accusation - and a lot more people bringing up the dream situation specifically to soothe their own complicated feelings because Obviously they care about victims and Obviously they care about holding Bad People accountable) - i feel like the majority of what i've seen from people other than the copium is just a lot of people going all :( support shelby #believevictims don't speculate, which is. wow. crazy to me as well to consider it leak to ... talk about literally publicly available information? like leaktwt is when you listen to music lyrics now i fucking guess.

you really, really do have to laugh, honestly. i didn't know what to expect from this situation but my god, i did NOT think it'd be this bad

[golbrocklovely]

That is so much to have happen so fast and in a short time! I am so sorry you and your family are having to deal with all that. That quack of a doctor is out of his mind to believe anxiety isn't real. To cut someone off anxiety meds cold turkey is so irresponsible, not to mention dangerous in some cases! I really hope your mum is okay. Please take care of yourself too. I know that you're a responsible daughter. your first instinct is to put everyone else ahead of your own needs - and you do, I've read your blog long enough to know that. You seem beyond stressed out though and that's not good for you. I hope you hold this dickbag accountable for not doing what's best for your mum. Does her usual doc have anyone else within his clinic that can be of help? {{Big virtual hug}}

the thing that's crazy to me is that when she met with him, after all of his bs about her not needing the pills, he said to her that he was gonna wane her off of them slowly, lower her dose and how many she was supposed to take in a day. which is fine bc she had plans to talk to her actual primary doctor about that. so this wasn't even the plan, he just did this, i'm assuming, out of laziness of not wanting to write out the scripts. bc the pharmacy called his office yesterday multiple times and no one picked up. so… idk if someone is lying or someone is just being negligent, but either way they made my mom this way.

and if anything seriously is wrong with her now mentally, i'm gonna sue. there have been too many times my mom has been fucked over by a doctor and never sued. i'm not letting them turn her stupid and get away if it's permanent.

and thank you. i appreciate your kind words. it means a lot bc rn i'm just so overwhelmed. i wish i could get away from all of this, even for a little bit. my slight solace is that i have work on tuesday so i'll at least get out of the house by then. like, i love my mom, and i'm doing everything to make sure she's okay. and she's a lot better now than friday which is all that matters. but… i'm gonna go crazy if i'm in this house much longer, truth be told.

as long as she gets better, i'm just gonna try to focus on literally anything else in between checking on her. i'm so happy i have my brother and my dogs here bc they have helped a lot (even my dogs lol).

and i'm not entirely sure. it's possible there's someone else she can see until her doctor gets back. once my mom is clear headed i'll have to ask her.

[wellthatwasaletdown]

If that date is true & today 10/25 is their anniversary, that would mean not only did Olivia cheat on Jason, but also Harry. Per the nanny's interview, Olivia was still telling Jason she loved him & was excited about how Daisy would be in their wedding which they were planning for the following year, 2021.

I can understand Jason flipping out when he found out about Harry. Olivia was stringing both guys along. Having an affair w Harry but still dragging out her relationship w Jason in case things didn't work out w Harry.

The nanny said she would sometimes take Daisy to the dwd set & Olivia was giddy. She had never seen her act that way & that she would put her head in her hands & say "he's too young for me." The nanny didn't know what she was talking about at the time until she found out about Harry. She said she was shocked bc Oliva & Jason were still very much together.

She also mentioned when the dwd cast had that covid case & had to stop filming for two weeks, Olivia went & shacked up w Harry to quarantine. I believe that's when things got heated between the two.

I know you have probably discussed all of this already, but I had never watched the interview w the nanny until today. Harry should feel really stupid. I know he doesn't bc he has no conscience, but he is no better than Olivia. How do you pursue someone that is already in a relationship, and has children? And still his boss.

If the roles were reversed & Olivia were a male director, the media would be dragging her/him. Look at what happened w the director Kristen Stewart had an affair with. Kristen became one of the most despised people in Hollywood. Do you think that would ever happen to Harry?

I don't know how his fans are so forgiving. And some of them are married w families of their own. How can they not feel for the family that has been torn apart bc of HO? They twist everything that is moral just to protect him. It's disgusting. And that is why he gets away w this crap & continues doing it. No one ever holds him accountable. And he eats it up during his shows be they are all yelling they want him & crying over him. They confirm to him that he can do anything he wants & get away w it. They will stand behind him no matter what.

I know this is wrong of me, but I wish the worst kind of karma on him & Olivia. They are both sick people.

I think that's one of the reasons she keeps throwing misogyny around as the reason she's being criticized. It was a preemptive strike for when all this came out. No one in the media wants to be branded a misogynist, so they aren't coming after her for the cheating.

[nathank77]

5/30/24

8:01 Edited/Slightly Added to

I made phone calls. I called Walmart obv. I'm waiting on their response.

I called my bank and PayPal and took care of something annoying but it's done.

I also called club 24 and planet fitness to understand what I'd be charged to walk in the door and other random important questions such as if I broke my arm and couldn't work out what would happen. Club 24 is vastly more expensive but it's open 24 hours a day every week. You use you card to walk through the door. It's like 150$ to walk in. Then like 12$-16$ a month bc they charge you by the week at a biweekly rate depending on your membership. Beyond that if you break an arm, you can freeze the account but you still get charged 2.99$ a month and if it rolls over past your annual fee you get charged the annual fee.

Planet fitness is like 59$ to walk in the door. It's better to join on the 16th so you get charged on their billing cycle that starts the 17th, the 10$ a month. Then you get charged an annual fee 2 months after signing up at 49$. If you break an arm they freeze your account, charge you nothing a month but if it rolls over the year you get charged the annual fee.

Planet fitness def wins but I wish club 24 did... I like the whole 24 hours everyday... cause of my circadian rhythm issues.. planet fitness is opened 24 hours Monday through Thursday. They technically are opened at 12 a.m on Friday but close at 9 p.m. Then they have standard-ish business hours from Saturday and Sunday until Ike 7 p.m.

I'm only planning on working out twice a week. If I'm bored I may do 3 days. Idk whats going on with Erin but if she can't see me anymore cause of her license issue. I may go Monday and Thursday. I'll coordinate with Mike to get one more appt a week.. I also could go Tuesday and Thursday.

I wish club 24 was better. It's a lot but you shouldn't have to pay if you break a bone a monthly cost.. I get why the annual would be charged but a monthly isn't acceptable if you can't work out bc of an injury, life happens.

So when I eventually join I'm going to planet fitness. It's like 110$ with annual fee/sign up not including monthly and I'll join on the 16th to avoid a prorate cost. It's too bad club 24 would have been awesome if I could go any day of the week after 1 a.m cause of my schedule.

I plan to go twice a week and run. I want to burn calories and also I want to work on my arms, chest, shoulders, sorta my back, eventually my abs. I'm only doing low weights, high reps. I'm going to use the machines mostly bc of form. Free weights you can really fuck your body up if your form isn't right.

I still got to schedule the mri but it's a lot of paperwork...

I got to shower and shave my head and face soon. It's taken a while to get all these phone calls done.

Also the place that does my cbd on my bank account said reoccurring payment... so I called about that bc I'm not locking myself into a subscription.. he is going to cancel it tomorrow if I have a subscription so I don't get charged. Not only do I want the ability to change my products but they have a lot of percentage off deals. Last month it was 20%, for 420. This month it's 20% off for spring lol like I'm not paying full price bc I have a subscription. I'm using promo codes yo. This shit is expensive.

I tried to call car wash places to ask if they do hand washes. I got a hold of like one but they don't do it. I'm just going to go with Espinosa. They def do hand washes. I went there before. They also clean the inside of the car.. for like 30$.. they don't do the greatest job and they are in New Britain or West Hartford. Idk which I'm going to but it's easier than calling 10 places locally and listening to stupid recordings and some places price interior detailing in the hundreds. I might do a shampoo on my seats and stuff. We will see what it costs. I plan to go Saturday.

I called about the teeth sealant they can't give me an estimate over the phone. I really want to get it done before the gym... I may join the gym in July unfortunately. I have my dentist appt on the 11th I think.... and if he doesn't cancel I'm getting that estimate and if it's affordable I'm putting my smile before my pecs tbh.

But yea I got a lot done. I got to fill out the mri paperwork, shave my face/head. Shower. Decide if I want to buy cbd today or wait until the 1st.

The car wash and grocery shopping on Saturday will not be fun. I mean bjs closes at like 7 p.m or something ridiculously early. So I'd have to go grocery shopping first cause I need a chicken and protien bars..

But yea once I get this car wash done I can schedule my macbook phone appt so then I can schedule my in-store appt.

I also ordered laundry Detergent from Walmart with my purchase last night to hit my 35$ free shipping. It's the only thing I'm worried about bc it isn't sealed. And bc of this whole Walmart debacle I'm like what if they poured bleach into it or something.

Maybe I'll return it and get one in store. Cause I mean I've been harassed and made to feel like a criminal and they know my name but I mean- who knows what employee packed my order. The rest of it is all sealed so I mean as long as the seal isn't damaged then I have nothing to worry about. I hate that I have to go to Walmart Saturday...

I'm still waiting for the status report on Kristen... I surely hope they take my case...

I'm prob not going to do anything about my glasses. Between the teeth sealant and the gym, and cbd, money is going to get really tight...

The Ray-Bans have been working. I haven't had enough TV time for hours to see if my eyes strain but I also read if you watch a lot of TV for hours eyes strain. So maybe it isn't worth it...

My tooth not having a brown stain surely isn't worth putting off for too long. I hope the stupid dentist doesn't cancel again. I have an appt at 4:30 p.m. Stop going home early!

I don't want my body to wait too long either, I deserve to hit my prime. I mean I am here but I can get even more sexy.

I won't get my b12 until Saturday so if the Tingly feeling and numbing is from that I guess I got to wait a little longer. I'm worried about sleep. I fall asleep but I'm suffering from all sorts of things now. I kinda feel like that makes xanax fake but idk.

I'm really worried about my testosterone and my next xanax script cause my Dr went mia. I'm just glad xanax is Monday for my renewal... but I hope she responds to my multiple attempts. I got to get my xanax on Wednesday...... so I wont renew until Monday. I mean maybe I should wait until Tuesday but she doesn't work Tuesdays....

So yea a lot of concerns and I'm trying to remedy them. Sleep, Kristen, testosterone/Xanax, Walmart are my biggest concerns.

I still don't know what to do about Erin tomorrow.... I got to decide.

[sphericalbee]

bro if either of my irls see this i will look crazy pahtetic idk maybe ill delete iti should probably just leaves this ini the drafts

im pretty pathetic irl anyway i think lol wo who carse

im thinking ab my middle school best friend and i miss her so much it isnt even funny

idk if i was her best friend but i always loved her so much and i think about her almost every day even 2 years later

ik she wasnt doing well and she didnt come from a good home and was awful at managing her emotions and didnt talk to anyone and she would sh (i only know ab bc of some complicated secret poetry thing but she never knew i had seen that but i think she meant me to) and i think she cared about me? i kinda hope not bc i want her to be happy

but i would genuinely give anything to go back in time and talk to her again for just a few hours

i want to text her and tell her everything but idk its too weird after 2 years

i think she deserves to know how much i care about her,, right?

i had to pause twice writing this bc i was crying too hard i worry about her so much

its good im godo at crying silently lol no one can even tell so sneaky

i saw a girl with the same hair as her last week and i teared up in the middle of the hallway because it hit me how much i dont know what shes doing or if shes even alive bc i KNOW hse wasnt fucknig donig well

my cat was trying to comfort me but i think he got bored and left he's so cute lmfoa my brain made it into a very angsty analogy b4 i had the chance to stop it 💀

im this close to cracking and spam texting her

i googled her just now and found her linkedin profile of fucking course shes on linkedin thats so inc harecetr where she says she wants to go to medical school and she uses fucking stupid old words like candor and idk i hope she gets into her dream college

im sure she can she was always so smart i thknk shell do rly well and maybe one day shell perform open heart surgery on me lol that would be baller

"I believe in honesty because it creates an environment that permits integrity. Allowing for candor leads to an honorable work space. Integrity is an essential value to have as it holds all to a high ethical standard. Integrity adds trust, which is necessary for professionalism. I plan to enroll in a four-year college for a master's degree to study biochemistry. I then intend to go to medical school and earn a doctorate."

she fucking talked like that even at 13 yeah and she liked running and read all the time and she loved gamed of thrones and i still own one of her shitty books and we met when she was challenging classmates to race and she was so tall and had pretty hair

sophia im sorry for crying i think it would make her uncomfortable haha

i have fucking snot on my face now shed forsure be uncomfortable lmfaoo

ill go watch some tv show and try not to burst into tears again in 10 minutes ugh maybe it would be better if i had stayed depressed having this many feelings is driving me crazy why r u here bro : /

i should make a secret vent account LMFAO my followers r here for ohshc and mq not sob stories sorry sorry

[dopaminergicaddictions]

3/2/24

11:35 pm

Updated at: 12:26 a m- 3/3/24 reposted incase you look occasionally and dont have a tumblr... there is new stuff below.

Sometimes I think I'll be single forever. I don't get it, at my prime. All they know is I'm trans. I'm stronger than most people for being trans and being proud of who I am and broadcasting it.

Maybe my dorky glasses hold me back. I've considered taking a whole arsenal of photos of myself without them and just dating someone without them.. it's okay I don't need to see clearly.I feel like I'm never even going to get to the point of a first date with someone I find attractive.

I think about Elise a lot and how I talked about being single cause me and Katie weren't doing good and how I wouldn't find someone for years. I was right about that but-Elise always said after my rant, "well I'm a pansexual" she would talk more than that but it was always like a- I'd date you if you weren't my client and I wasn't married. She always responded, " well I'm a pansexual." And one time when I asked her if we could be friends one day, I said something like she could come to my house. She said something like, "my husband wouldn't allow me to bc something could happen," I responded, "no you'd never have sex with me," and she got kinda awkward and weird and said, "well, I mean, ahh, he would think I would." It was pretty obv the elephant existed but I was like Elise, first off I'd only make love to you. You'd have to be a single mother. I didn't say that to her though but I know she knows that about me. I only make love.

Before i blocked her i saw sunsets for her bio after her profile picture change. Sunsets usually mean the end of something and I was stupid enough to look at it as a sign but I also looked at the leaves when we were talking as she might be thinking about being with me. Aka leaves meaning change..I've been going with a sunrise. Her and her husband are doing fantastic.

They are doing amazing. Which I'm happy for her and him. I only hope that I can be her friend one day.

I really thought she was my soulmate. Idk why I'm having such a hard time accepting that i was wrong and maybe she was a bad person. Maybe she is a bad person. Maybe she's not and we actually have to wait 2 more years to know eachother.

I just remember her eyes and then I remember her past behavior. Then I look at her behavior now. She blocked me on Instagram and then changed one thing.

Sometimes think she hasn't blocked it cause she thinks I'll report her. Maybe she is trying to protect herself. If she's a bad person.Then I think about her eyes and our connection and I mean she must remember my eyes. Maybe she didn't see them behind my glasses.. idk. I feel like she did. If she saw my soul like I saw hers she should know that she could report me to the police for being a stalker (which I'm not but) and I still wouldn't report her for anything. I'd certainly take the i think you're a lunatic hint though and you make me feel unsafe.

Maybe that one change means she will know me one day. It could mean some things:

1) Duh I had/have feelings for you what do you think this thing that happened means..

2) derp I told you I didn't look at you like that but I said we could be friends in 3 years total. Only 2 more years, Nathan..

3) yo I have access to my account and I haven't blocked you but I don't want to know you or maybe I have feelings for you or maybe i want to be your friend

4) I'm protecting myself by making you think in 2 more years I'll talk to you.

5) Maybe she can't find my username it's not hard tbh and she's very intelligent.... so I find this one less believable... but maybe she can't find it so she can't block it and she changed it the same day she blocked me on Instagram just happenstance.

What do I really think? Idk. I remember her eyes and I look at her past actions when she wasn't held back from knowing me.. I see her current behavior.

The hopeful Stupid part of me thinks she has feelings for me.

The less stupid part of me thinks she will be my friend when the time comes but she's going to be cold and awful until that time bc she can't know me and she wants me to move on. And do me but she wants me to know that she meant what she said. She will show up for me one day.

The hurt traumatized part of me thinks she's trying to protect herself. I worry she forgot the type of person I am. I just want her to be happy. I'll move on but- I'd do anything to talk to her again.

I worry she will block me there. The message will be clear- I hate you. I don't care if you live or die. I will never know you personally. I wish you the best.I

I truly think she is a good person but I have convinced myself she can't find my username or she is protecting herself so when it happens it hurts a little less but I'm still going to hate myself for believing she ever cared if she does that bc the message is clear at that point- you don't exist to me. And I want you to know that.

[childeapologist]

I was scared to ever no-filter vent about this situation on here bc I knew one of the people involved followed me but since they seem to have purged my existence from all their social media and ghosted me instead of bothering to TALK about anything I hope I’m in the clear now. Even if they do see it honestly go ahead. Read it. This is how I feel about you and your incessant need to over-correct me over every little thing all the time bc you just NEEDED me to be problematic for the sake of your narrative or something.

But last year when I took a vacation to stay with some of my friends who are a couple, on my last night there starting Attack on Titan together. They had both only seen the first season 10 years ago when it first aired, I’ve read the entire manga and seen all of the series that is out, and I have probably seen the first season 5+ times.

And this girl, the wife, starts conversation over the episodes like “I heard that in the manga there was this whole story arc about the outer wall refugees being made into slaves and that the anime cut it out and it was really controversial bc they are like devaluing slavery by doing that” and I was like, “I’ve read the whole manga and that isnt true, you must be mistaken or conflating it with something else” and it’s been a year and I cant remember my exact words but I was nice about it, literally just making conversation. People hear incorrect things. It happens. I wasn’t aggressive, but I do care about factual information so maybe I was assertive.

She just doubles down on me without looking up any new info. Which is wild to me, like I’ve READ THE MANGA can you not just trust me? She keeps doubling down, implying that I am prepared to defend the devaluation of slavery just bc it’s one of my fav medias.

And then I brought up the panels on my phone to show her. And the conversation just kind of ends, like I got ghosted IRL they just stopped responding to me. They ignored me trying to show the panels.

Later I ask her husband about it like “what happened back there?” and he tells me that “Oh she looked it up herself and realized she was wrong, and she didnt know how to approach you bc youre mean” and also just blames it on her period.

LIKE GIRL, HELLO? “oOPS i looked it up and I was mistaken, sorry!”

it really isn’t that hard?

And things like this just kept HAPPENING. 

And THEN I try and bring this up later, approaching the husband bc like. Im like “this girl couldnt even handle being told she was wrong about an attack on titan trivia fact. how do i approach her about boundaries and accountability?”

So I try approaching her husband for pointers in talking to her. And he just deflects everything, basically tells me that Im just “super mean and intimidating” and that I just want an “I TOLD YOU SO” moment. And it is like no I want my input to be respected? I want my friend to be able to be wrong about something so simple and not turn it into this weird thing? This isnt even about that stupid argument anymore, it’s about what this says about the overall dynamics here and your wifes inability to be wrong and take accountability. I deserve better treatment, I deserve respect and if I dont get it, this friendship is over. and they purged me on all social media after that without even attempting to reconcile or talk to me

am i crazy?

how can you be so inable to hold yourself accountable and try and gaslight ME into being the problem?????????????????????

unreal

UN

FUCKING

REAL

HOPE YOURE READING THIS GIRL! GROW THE FUCK UP!

[formashimataichi]

I feel like I've been made a fool by the author of chihayafuru or I'm incredibly stupid

What's the point of going through rejection arc of tchi when in all honesty the girl didn't reply yes or no she's shocked tht she couldn't see this coming which is the way the author wants to write chy as not knowing feelings. Then tch expecting her to reciprocate or quit the club cuz he has feelings and it's been harder for him, to have strength in love and sumire parallels of growth as love is not a one way ticket to confession or no point in it?? Then just ending with tchy which the ship fandom expected me to say foreshadowing all along then why can't I say the same abt arata or even let's miss the fact the author doesn't care abt Lgbt coding as much but why not even say shinobu lmao. For so much feminist attitude she doesn't even give chy to explore her feelings when it began for Taichi, which brings to seperation from him was unbearable but was empowering so she has ownership to those feelings and you might say that's when she felt lot more affection to tch but seperation was a trigger to chihaya growth. It happens twice when arata leaves and when tch leaves. So really where is the feelings realisation? and i came to accept most of this thanks to your analysis than the way tchy fans with RIGHT interpretations are bashing you as anons. Also i do think you overcredit suetsugu sometimes and it's all someone more open like you to interpret than think it's so deep because I'm totally lost otherwise 💀

Anyways i hope you ignore hate messages. And ships lowkey make anyone biased you weren't wrong with tht.

i mean i think taichi's rejection arc was important with respect to addressing his own attitude and the unhealthy codependency that existed between him and chihaya. regardless of whether they were going to end up together or not that was a period of reflection that he needed to undergo in order to be able to prioritize himself and not hold others guilty for insecurities and jealousies that were ultimately products of his own conscience. that's why i was ultimately okay with the way suetsugu executed him and chihaya becoming canon bc i don't really think it was about him being rewarded with her reciprocation solely bc of the fact that he got better. she confessed to him a couple of months after the finals when he wasn't even expecting it and by a point in time where their relationship and communication with each other had significantly improved

ig as to the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder concept it's a matter of personal preference. i don't think it's an inherently bad conduit through which to explore romance, bc sometimes we truly do dwell more on people we care about when they're not quite within reach, and that can make us realize things about our feelings for them that we weren't necessarily hyperaware of before. i don't think suetsugu is going quite so far as to say that chihaya has no agency in how she feels simply bc either boy leaving has to provide an impetus for those feelings to manifest. with arata leaving, for example, it was less about chihaya taking his presence in her life for granted and more about him introducing her to a dream that she valued so much, and her being desperate to continue sharing it with him. even with taichi, i don't think it was so much about her taking him for granted as her having to parse how exactly she felt about him, bc she'd never quite dwelled on the specific nature of her feelings for him before. she just knew he was someone incredibly special in her life that she didn't want to lose. so yeah there's some part to play on account of distance, but i think there were still distinct foundations present within each relationship that distance only helped facilitate the growth or exploration of, rather than it acting as the bedrock of chihaya's feelings entirely. i don't think you were stupid to have assumed one exploration was romantic over the other. i know i'm being redundant bc i've already said it enough times but i think it just speaks to the fact that suetsugu developed both relationships so thoroughly and wholeheartedly, so it was possible to believe it could go either way dependent on preference, or dependent on what you wanted out of the story on a thematic level

[blxetsi]

HIIIII!! can i get a pieck finger dating headcanons if that’s alright with you of course? your stuff makes me soft, stay safe!

yuh ‼️ tysm for your request

pieck finger dating headcanons (modern au)

pieck finger x gn!reader

warnings: literal fluff, no angst or anything i love pieck

- bc pieck is assumed to be like 23-26 this wont be a uni au or anything

- idk i rlly think you guys wouldve met in a mundane way

- like you bump into her on the sidewalk and try to the really awkward "oh im so sorry i didnt see you there- no really it was my fault- are you sure youre okay ?- okay great- no im not hurt- yeah- okay have a good day and again im so sorry !!" thing with her

- and then maybe you guys see each other again at a coffee place, youre there with your friends and shes there with hers, and you dont wanna talk to her obv bc that would be awkward

- then ur friend makes u go and order another coffee for them, and while youre waiting for your order pieck comes and stands beside you

- and shes very observant yknow ?? if she sees a face its very hard for her to forget it

- so she immediately recognizes you and blurts out "its you !"

- and you have to be like "oh yeah ! it is me ! its you too"

- she finds it quite cute and giggles about it

- a very laidback person but also a very blunt person

- she doesnt find any harm in asking "can i get your instagram @" look she doesnt wanna be a creep and ask for ur number right at the start

- and it gives her a chance to find out what kind of person you are

- it would absolutely suck for her if such a cute face was posting fishing pictures and alt right propaganda yknow ??

- so you two do and then both of your orders come so you two give awkward goodbyes before going back to your groups

- her instagram is very pretty, nice themes

- she posted a couple of hours ago, with her and her friends in a park, taking a couple of posed photos while some looking like they were natural

- shes adorable and you cant help but feel your cheeks go warm as you basically stalk her page

- she dms you and says "are you too busy looking at my feed that you havent followed me yet ?" and you see this mf staring at you across the room like 👁️👁️

- okay nosy lets calm down now 🙄🤚

- you try to defend urself but ur typing so quick you keep making errors in your writing, she ends up saying something else

"you know, i was doing the exact same thing. youre beautiful you know"

- thank you pieck 🥰

- over the next couple of weeks thats how you two communicate. she'll send you instagram memes and edits of her favourite shows, movies, games etc. and you find yourself having a lot in common w her

- you check her story so frequently it becomes one of the first accounts on the top of your homepage

- and FINALLY, when she feels she can see you as a friend and not just some pretty stranger she met on the street she asks you out

- it was a simple thing, just to the movies, and she even let you pick which one !! (imagine its pre covid idfk)

- you two go and its an awkward hug before you both head inside

- you pay for your tickets and she gets an extra large popcorn and a drink

- you assume shes just v hungry but before you can order yourself something shes like "what are you doing i got this for us !!"

- rlly cute bitch omfg

- during the movies, after she eats literally most of the fucking popcorn, she pulls your hand out of your lap and holds it with her buttery one 🥰🤚

- this bitch had crumbs and didnt even think to wipe them off

- you still held her hand tho anyways

- after that night you parted ways in front of the theater after making sure you two would be getting home safe

- and that became routine for a couple of weeks, not going to the movies obviously bc thats expensive but watching movies together !! youd go over to her apartment or she would come over to yours

- one thing about pieck is that shes very touchy

- one way or another she will end up cuddled with you on the couch

- it doesnt matter if its you being forcefully pulled on top of her body or her draping herself over you like shes a blanket, you two WILL be cuddling and you WILL enjoy it

- but finally, as if the gods gave you mercy, she finally kissed you

- it felt so nice, her lips were soft and sticky from her lip gloss and she tasted like the swedish berries you had gotten for her to munch on

- and the rest of the movie you two just sat there, kissing each other and giggling like teens

- she ended up staying the night, and complimented your bedsheets

- your relationship moved pretty fast after that

- she had already told all of her friends about you, they werent very surprised

- when you got officially introduced her friends zeke and porco tried to do that whole "if you hurt her.." speech before she slapped them and had marcel pull you away to safety

- other than that the night was very fun, you got to talking about your career, why you moved to the city, and other mundane topics

- pieck is actually a graphic designer, and everytime she comes to sleep over she just HAS to bring her laptop with her

- its basically just her laying in between your legs while she types away, youll pet her hair and lay soft kisses on her neck, and occasionally ask what shes doing

- she likes to tell you, has no problem in answering the questions you have, even if you think theyre stupid ones, shes very soft with you

- also a bit of a trickster

- for your first april fools together she slept over, you didnt have anything planned for her bc youre a good person and wont hurt the ones you love

- she stuffed your breakfast muffin with mustard 😁👍

- you gave her the cold shoulder for the rest of the day until she apologized by getting you a new muffin

- now she always dropped the l bomb to you, but she never needed you to say it

- thats why, when you were helping her cook dinner at her place you softly said "see ? and thats why i love you" she kind of,,, stopped what she was doing

- you realized why she wasnt washing the knife she used to cut your vegetables and tried to backtrack, but it was too late, she was already tackling you into a hug and taking you down onto the floor

- she just gave you kisses while repeating "i love you i love you i love you" over and over again

- bc of her you burnt ur fucking chicken smh

- you spent that night eating junk food and watching movies

- piecks a very observant person, so she always knows when youre sad too

- when you give that little huff when you come home to your (new !) shared apartment she knows something is up

- she'll slowly trail behind you as you walk to your bedroom, stripping to your underwear and changing into your pajamas

- you crawl into bed just wanting a nap to forget about the day, and she'll crawl in with you and hold you

- you never like to cry but youre so frustrated and upset at your coworkers, at that rude customer, at those deadlines, that you just breakdown

- and she lets you, she lets you almost suffocate yourself in her chest with how much your pushing your head into it, she strokes your hair while you choke on your own cries and hands you tissues when you need to blow your nose

- "what do you need my love ?" "i just need you" "okay baby"

- communication is a big thing in the relationship, and because shes been so open and honest from the beginning, talking about how you feel has never been easier

- in fact, you like talking about how you feel about your relationship, or how you didnt like what pieck said to your friends the other day, this and that, you feel comfortable and safe with pieck no matter what, which makes talking about even the most hardest things seem so simple and natural

- all in all, even when she wakes you up with spontaneous ice cream dates or asks that you put raisins in the popcorn during movie night, even with the fights and the crying and the exhaustion the next day, life would be much duller without her, and you only have to thank your clumsy self

uhh i feel like this is very short but yeah ❤️ requests are open so go crazy mfs ‼️

[couldyouspeakmyname]

Not me basically stalking this whole page bc like No OnE writes of Beastars and I'm starved

I love your writing honestly, thanks for doing God's works for us lmao 💕

When you have time could I request a sheep/wolf female reader (looks more like a sheep and only had wold teeth/ears) with Pina and/or Bill? Just like their initial reaction to them maybe and after they find out that she's technically a carnivore (even if she looks like a sheep)

Thank you!

Are you asking me to write for a wolf in sheep's clothing? Because it feels like you're asking me to write for a wolf in sheep's clothing and I am all about that life

Thank you so much! That makes my day ;-; I also got a bit carried away, so I hope it’s okay. Feel free to send again if I missed something!

Pina

“A new student?” Pina closed his locker, interest now fully on Els. Pina really hadn’t been listening that closely, but it wasn’t everyday the school got a new student. 

“Yeah! A new girl. She’s a sheep,” Els continued, going over the very few details she knew. It wasn’t much, but she was still excited about it. As she continued to speak, she quickly checked her phone. Pina could tell by her sudden expression that it was later than she anticipated. She needed to get to class.

“Why are you telling me?” Els gave him a look while slinging her bag over her slim shoulder. 

“Because you’re a total flirt! I don’t want you to make the school or the drama club look bad. I heard she may stop by the club after classes. Behave yourself, okay?” Pina just gave her a look as she retreated. He shook it off, he didn’t need some upperclassman lecturing him. It was well meaning, but when had anyone ever stopped Pina from doing what he wanted?

-

Your hand grips the handle of the door. You take a deep breath through your nose, letting it out through your mouth. You tried to anchor yourself, and prepare for the onslaught. Everyone at the school seemed really nice so far, but it wouldn’t take much for that to change. 

“You’re the new girl, right?” You jump, pointed ear flicking as you turn on your heel in alarm. You hadn’t even heard the male walk up behind you. Were you that much in your head? Usually your instincts were better than that. 

“Yeah,” Being a sheep meant you were pretty small, and it helped you talk to the ground so no one would see your fangs. You were really good at hiding them, you had to be. 

“My name’s Pina, you are?” You looked up at him, taking note of his shining horns and wool that fell just right around his form. He looked like he walked out of a magazine. 

“O-Oh! Y/N,” You offered a small closed mouth smile. Pina didn’t stop looking you over. Your alarm bells went off. There was definitely something up with him. Did he know? Usually people just assumed your ears were deformed or you were just bad at managing your wool which is why there were so fluffy. Was it your eyes? Your hands? You trimmed your claws between classes, so by all accounts you looked like an herbivore. 

“Nice to meet you. Don’t look so worried, pretty much everyone is tolerable,” He reached past you and walked in, letting you follow after. 

- 

You’d been going to drama club for a while. Thankfully for you, everyone was super nice, if not al little eccentric or weird. It at least gave you a solid friend base, if nothing else. You often would eat with some of the members. Sheila even introduced you to another sheep named Peach. Though, more often than not, you’d find yourself with Pina at some point during the day. You had no idea how it happened, it always just...did. You had suspicions he had somehow orchestrated running into you. 

“What class are you studying for?” He tried to peek over at your book, having managed to peel his eyes away from his phone that pinged every few moments with messages, no doubt from the possibly many girls he had been dating. 

“Science,” He looked immediately disinterested, going back to his phone. He started texting again, at a speed most cheetahs would find impressive, but he continued to try and carry a conversation with you. 

“Okay, I have to ask. What’s your deal? Why did you transfer, and why did you end up in drama club?” Pina’s words would have been accusatory, or pointed, but his tone was so casual it was like he was asking about the weather. 

“My deal?” You froze, and tried to casually turn the page, but you had stayed still a few moments to long. You didn’t have to look over to know Pina was now leaned over, waiting. 

“Your deal. Like, Legoshi is a pervert, Sheila used to be a dominatrix or something...No one normal as you usually joins. So, what’s your deal? You’re so...normal,” You hands closed your book with a thunk! You adjust on the bench to turn over and look back at him, scooting away just a smidge. 

“Promise you wont say anything?” You looked serious, but Pina was unaffected. Instead he tapped his chin, seeming to think hard about it. 

“Sure, why not?” He smiled, that same charismatic smile that he had perfected. You didn’t know if it was genuine, but his words were. Pina was a flirt, but he wasn’t known for spreading or telling rumors. Plus, he was your friend, even if you didn’t know how you ended up being friends in the first place. 

“Well, I’m not a sheep, at least...not all sheep,” As you spoke, he leaned in, curiosity getting the better of him. His phone was now long forgotten, and not even the chirping from text alerts took his gaze away from you. You glanced around while mulling how to say what you need to say in your head. The coast was clear. 

“I look like a sheep but, I’m also half wolf,” As your spoke, you didn’t hide your fangs, and actually went out of you way to adjust your more pointed ears. 

“Woah,” You waited for the fallout. Waited for his expression to turn to disgust, or for him to ask if your wolf parent ate your sheep one. You wanted for all of the normal questions that came with the confusion and ager from finding out you were a hybrid, but it never came.

“So that’s why you’re weird looking,” You shot a glare his direction. At least he was honest.

“Yeah, I guess...So, you wont tell anyone?” Pina leaned back.

“Nah I wont tell anyone about you, as long as you don’t chew on me at practice,” he shoots you a smile. This one seemed actually honest. 

“Thanks...I really appreciate it” 

“No problem. Can I ask another question?”

“Sure, I guess,” You suddenly felt much more relaxed. It was like a weight had been lifted. 

“Do you classify as a carnivore or an herbivore? I’ve never met a hybrid before,”  You blinked, and fiddled with the corner of your book.

“Carnivore, technically. I have to take supplements since I’ve been eating the herbivore lunch. It’s not balanced for me”

“Oh! Well, that sucks,” He laughed and grabbed his phone again. “Just order the food you want. I’ll can always get you one, or ask Bill to get an extra. Or Legoshi, they’d get one for you,” He was so casual about it, you almost had to pinch yourself. 

“Hey Pina?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks...for being so nice about it.” 

“No problem. You can’t help who your parents are, plus you’re more interesting than over half the school. It’d be a waste to stop hanging out with you over something so stupid.” 

----

Bill

“New student?” Bill held the door open for Els who snuck by, holding her bag. They’d just got done at drama club, and Els was eager to talk about the new student their director told them about. Supposedly she was a transfer from another school. The details weren’t specific but they were all pretty excited. Having someone from a new school could offer new perspectives, which could be great for the drama club.

“Yeah. She sounds like she could fit right it,” It’d be nice to have another girl in drama and another herbivore. After the incident with Tem, some herbivores were still cautious about carnivore students, so it was exciting this new girl was joining an interspecies club out of the gate. 

“I hope so. Just gotta make sure Pina doesn’t do anything overwhelming, we don’t need that kind of drama,” Bill did not need Pina to flirt with the new girl, and go and forget her name. Bill was honestly one to talk, but that was beside the point. 

“Well, we’ll get to meet her tomorrow!” Els smiled, and they waved goodbye to one another. She was in high spirits, and with a shove of her shoulder let herself into her dorm room. 

“See you tomorrow Els!” Bill waved and went to his dorm. A new girl huh? He wasn’t thrilled at the idea of more Herbivores to look after, but if they were even a fraction as cool as Els, they couldn’t be to bad. 

-

You took a deep breath, and your hand gripped your school bag tightly. You grabbed the door of the drama room and pushed it. It was a bit stuck, but nothing major. You did pretend to struggle with it in order to fit the persona you were following of being a basic herbivore. No one had to know about the fact you had a carnivore parent. 

“Hello! Sorry I’m late! I got a bit lost,” You walked in, smiling carefully, avoiding showing any teeth. Your slightly longer and fluffier ear twitched. Most students just thought it was some sort of deformity, and were polite enough not to talk about it. 

“Welcome!” A goat ran up to you, and quickly introduced herself. It took very little time for you to be introduced to everyone else. They all seemed nice, friendly. Juno and Els were quick to sweep you away from a flirty and curious Pina, and show you the ropes and the possible areas you could end up.

“This big guy is Bill, don’t worry, he’s not as big of a jerk as he likes to pretend to be,” Els fondly pat the large tiger on the arm, and he just gave you a smile.

“Nice to meet you,” Bill smiled your direction, but there was a moment where the look in his eye turned briefly to confusion, but it went back to normal almost as quickly as it came. 

“Nice to meet you too!” Maybe it was your imagination. Yeah, your imagination. 

-

Drama was really fun. Everyone was supportive, if not a bit quirky. Even out of drama club, they tended to stick together. Els, Sheila, as well as Juno, tended to stick close with you. Thanks to them, it wasn’t difficult for you to find a close group of small and honest friends. That also included Bill, on rare occasions. He stuck mainly with carnivores, but the rare times you were alone, he’d slide next to you. 

“Hey, you doing okay?” He had two meals in his hand. You wondered if he was meeting someone. 

“Yeah, I’m doing alright!” You set your supplements down. He eyed them for a moment and motioned with his head.

“It’s nice outside, we should go enjoy the rest of the evening,” You sat confused, but decided to follow him. Bill carried those two trays out and somehow still held the door for you. 

“Thanks, but why do you wanna eat outside?” You sat on a bunch, setting your try on your lap, and you opened your drink to take your supplements. When people asked, you told them they were just additional vitamins. 

“So you could eat this instead,” He offered the second tray he had been holding. You looked at him confused. 

“Why?” It was the carnivore lunch tray. You were a sheep, as far as anyone knew. 

“Because taking supplements suck,” He sat down, and offered the second tray again, “Take it, I want to eat my food too, kinda hard to do that with my hands full,” You set your other food aside, and took the offered tray, 

“So, you know?” Bill shrugged. He didn’t seem that worried about it. 

“Yeah. To be fair, Aoba figured it out first. He happened to see you yawn one day, spotted your fangs. Aoba has really good eyes, being a eagle and all. We figured you didn’t want anyone to know so we haven’t asked you about it,” You freeze. If Aoba knew, who else did?

“Aoba knows?” You looked shocked. You thought you had been so careful! 

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. Only Aoba, Els, and I know. We didn’t want to bug you about it, but it’s been bugging me, watching you take those pills all the time. It’s better to just eat what you need instead of eating salads and hoping your “Vitamins” even it out. If you’re part carnivore, have some pride in it,” He spoke between eating. You were surprised, he seemed so okay with it. 

“Oh,” You didn’t know what to say. No one had treated you different, everyone was still super nice. 

“Promise you guys wont tell anyone?” You finally picked up your utensils, and began eating the lunch you should have been getting from the beginning. It was really good, but maybe that was just because it came from someone who accepted you. 

“Promise. We stick together, you’re one of us now,” He jokingly shoved your thin shoulder with his own, grinning. 

“So, what are you mixed with?” Bill asked, his food all but gone. How did he eat so much so fast? 

“Sheep and a wolf,” He laughed.

“Oh boy, I bet that must be a story,” He laughed, and you would bet he was trying to picture how that happened.

“Yeah,” You kept eating, finally relaxing. You didn’t even know you were tense. 

“If you ever need anything you can ask me, okay? Like I said, we all kind of stick together. I don’t mind buying extra food for you so you can avoid taking those pills,” He looked away, scratching his cheek. You got the feeling he wasn’t used to being sincere or so outwardly nice. It wasn’t a surprise, he frequently played the tough guy. 

“Thanks Bill.”

“You’re welcome” 

[h2bakugou]

Hello dear friend~~May I ask what would be main 3+denki reaction to having a crush on a girl who never studies, and always does her homework in the morning before the class, and then when the results of their exams come out she's in the top5 and they just dont understand how she can have such good grades with how little she studies because she doesnt show that shes actually really smart? ☺️ (happened to me, everyone is shooketh when they found out my grades bc I have a rebel spirit about study?)

a/n: hi hun!! of course! i felt this, i never really studied unless i needed to, or i really didn’t understand something and i think i did pretty okay. but now i’m a drop out so- kjfhdjg i’m going to be doing online school soon though because i’d like to get my high school diploma.

headcanon: them with a crush on someone who never studies but excels in class

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: fluff, swearing

»»————-　★　————-««

katsuki bakugou

»»————-　★　————-««

Bakugou doesn’t expect you to do very well. It’s the honest truth. 

He’s watched you every morning, scramble to finish your homework, and somehow manage to write legible answers with how fast your hand moves.

And before every test, he doesn’t see you study at all. It’s like you barely even keep notes.

In fact, he’s almost certain you don’t even keep notes at all. He was willing to bet that the notebook that rested on your desk during note time was promptly filled with doodles and random drawings, maybe even a to-do list or something.

But, all that aside, Bakugou has the fattest crush on you. This man is fucking smitten till the day he dies.

Everything about you astounds him, he’s never seen anyone like you.

And it goes to say that when you come out second in class, under him, he’s fucking confused and amazed at the same time.

He wants to ask you a million questions on how you did, ask if you cheated off of him somehow but he knows that’s not even remotely true.

His idea of trying to ask you out is getting you to study with him.

“Oi.” Bakugou approaches you after class, walking back toward your dorm.

“Oh, hey Bakugou.” You smile at him. You had a crush on him too, but neither side knew the other’s feelings.

“We’re studying together tomorrow. Meet me in the library and don’t be late.” Bakugou storms off, totally chad-like he’s thinking he’s just scored you and everything.

y/n.exe has stopped working.

You know he knows you don’t study.

You show up anyway and you can’t help but laugh because it’s certainly not studying that you two are doing in the library.

Somehow he’s managed to lead you to the library just to take you out on a date somewhere because there’s no book bag in sight, not even a book moved from the shelf.

“Alright let’s go.” Bakugou smirks.

“You could’ve just asked me out on a date in the first place.” You tease him.

“Shut up.” He huffs, smiling.

It’s a really good date.

»»————-　★　————-««

izuku midoriya

»»————-　★　————-««

Midoriya has probably asked you to help him study once or twice. He knows you’re up pretty high in class, you have great grades, but he’;s confused as fuck when you turn him down.

“What?” He blinks at you, confused.

“It’s not that I don’t want to! I’d love to but I uh don’t really study.” You mumble, avoiding his gaze.

“But you have amazing grades-”

“And I finish all my worksheets right before class starts, it’s just how I do things.” You look back up at him and smile.

“I can try my hardest to help, but studying isn’t really my strong suit, I think I get lower grades when I study.”

from that point on, I think Midoriya probably finds you that much more fascinating.

He loves to learn more about you, and knowing that you can finish a big project the morning it’s due and make a top grade, he’s blown away.

He starts to realize he likes you when you start hanging around him more.

You help him as best you can when he comes to you for answers, you’re very smart, you just have a very different way of doing your work from him.

When he finally decides to make the move, he’s shitting bricks. He’s nervous, and totally freaking out because he doesn’t even know if you like him.

“Uh hey, (Y/n)?” Midoriya pulls you aside after class, stopping you before you leave the classroom.

“What is it Izu?” You ask, having given him the cute nickname after being on a first name basis with him.

“I was wondering, well if you’d like to go on a date with me.” Midoriya gained some confidence after the sentence came out, looking at you with determination and affection.

“Sure, when and where?” You smiled, feeling your face begin to heat up.

“Wherever you want, there’s a really nice restaurant that opened up nearby-”

“Sounds like fun.” You glance away and smile. You had butterflies in your stomach.

“Are you nervous?” Midoriya asked, watching as you seemed to be a little anxious yourself.

“A little. My crush just asked me out so...” You giggle.

“You’re nervous about me asking you out but not finishing a project the day it’s due?!”

“Those are two totally different things!”

»»————-　★　————-««

shoto todoroki

»»————-　★　————-««

I feel like Todoroki knows from the get go that you don’t study. He never sees you in the study groups, or in the library. He always sees you doing some sort of paperwork in the morning, and he catches on rather quickly that it’s last night’s homework, or an assignment from earlier on in the week.

Still, he can’t jump to conclusions just yet.

He overhears Kirishima talking to Kaminari about you. He’s not trying to eavesdrop on their conversation but he’s curious nonetheless.

“Yeah, I don’t think they study at all.” Kirishima tells Kaminari.

Todoroki is pretty intrigued now.

Starts investigating to see if you actually study or not. And when he doesn’t find anything to say that you do, he just waits for the exam results to come back.

He knows you didn’t study, no one accounted for you at any study groups, and Sero even said you’d gone to bed after training that afternoon.

When the results come back, Todoroki is dumbfounded.

You did better than him. You landed a whole three spots above him. 

Todoroki makes it his goal to talk to you now. And you two become really good friends, and Todoroki develops this crush on you.

He’s not sure how it even happened, all he knows is he likes you and everything about you intrigues him.

So when you’re hanging out in his dorm room, just talking and chilling out, he asks if you want to study for the next quiz coming up.

“Oh I don’t actually study.” You giggle, looking at the half-and-half boy you had a crush on.

“You don’t?” Todoroki restates, finally confirming all his suspicions.

“Nope. It doesn’t really do much for me, I’ve never really studied.” 

From then on out, Todoroki enjoys when you accompany him while he studies. He studies alone just to be able to spend time with you.

Especially when he asks you out.

“(Y/n)?” Todoroki glances up from his work sheet and you look up from the book he’d lent you to read while he worked on his assignments.

“Yeah Sho?” You smile at him, closing the book, holding your spot with your thumb.

“Would you like to go on a date after school soon?” He asks, getting the question he’d been wanting to ask off his chest finally.

“Yes.” Your eyes lit up at his question and you could feel your face getting hotter by the second.

“You look hot.” Todoroki comments on your flustered face which only deepens at his comment.

“I didn’t mean- I mean you are very beautiful but your face looked hot as in temperature.” Todoroki’s own face begins to flush at his fumbled words as you begin to smile and laugh.

“You’re too cute.” You grin at him. He smiles back and returns to his work, ready to take you on that date.

»»————-　★　————-««

denki kaminari

»»————-　★　————-««

Kaminari has no clue. He’s oblivious. I don’t think he’s as stupid as people make him seem but he certainly doesn’t catch on right away, it takes a bit of time.

And one loud mouthed explosive blonde haired friend of his to point it out.

“I was gonna ask them to study with us after class.” Kaminari states, telling the group about his first move to try and ask you out. He’s had a crush on you since he laid eyes on you, and he’s shooting his shot.

“You dumbass. They don’t study.” Bakugou groans, looking over at you, scrambling to finish your homework.

“That’s the homework from last night.” Bakugou points out to Kaminari and his eyes go wide.

“There’s no way they’re going to pass!” Kaminari exclaims.

“We have to go help them!” Kaminari is about to go rush over to you but Kirishima stops him and laughs.

“Just wait, you’ll see.” Kirishima reassures Kaminari.

And sure enough, when the homework gets returned, Kaminari watches as your paper returns with the highest marking. You passed. With a perfect score.

This doesn’t stop Kaminari from shooting said shot though. He’s trying even harder. He’s determined.

"So there’s that big test coming up.” Kaminari began talking to you about three weeks ago, you’ve become friends, and you both have mutual feelings for one another that the other doesn’t know about, but it’s pretty obvious to the surrounding friends in the Bakusquad.

He’s talking to you about the test coming up with all of the subjects you’ve covered so far, a bit of a mid-term if you will.

“I’m a little nervous about it if I’m being honest.” You admit, taking a bite of your lunch.

“Do you wanna study with us later tonight?” Kaminari asks, feeling volts coarse through his veins as he awaits your answer.

“Studying isn’t really my thing. It’s not that I don’t want too! Please don’t think I’m trying to avoid you guys.” You bite your lip and look away trying to come up with the right words to say.

“Studying crams my brain and I don’t really think fluidly when the test comes, I get worse grades when I study then when I don’t.”

“I’ll stop by after with snacks and drinks so you don’t feel left out then.” Kaminari grins, his amber eyes full of excitement.

And sure enough, he stops by, a few slices of pizza and some soda in hand.

“So I was thinking, me and you.” Kaminari starts. You’re playing some video games before lights out.

“Me and you?” You question, currently beating Kaminari in Mario Kart.

“Yeah like, would you wanna go out sometime?” He asks, smiling.

“Sure, that could be a lot of fun.” Your face begins to heat up, and you lose your spot to Kaminari as your mind begins to scream with excitement. You feel your heart beating faster.

“Wait really?” Kaminari turns to look at you pausing the game.

“Yes. I like you, and I want to go on ad ate with you.” You smile, setting the controller down.

“Oh this is awesome!” Kaminari hugs you.

The next day when the test is over, the Bakusquad stands dumbfounded as you pass the test with the highest score, even beating Bakugou.

Kaminari is proud.

»»————-　★　————-««

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