#and did donna even have a line?? that whole time???

[aq2003]

there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"

[thebadtimewolf]

why r u so mad about ppl preferring ten x madame de pompadour to ten x martha like ten/martha will never be a thing. ten don’t want anything to do with martha. he literally said to her face she wouldn’t replace rose… and she never did… isnt canon enough for you

hm.

im glad im only a scorpio on this alone. if martha deserved better than ten then so do all of em but anyway:

this ask is giving 2006/07 i dont want to see tenth doctor in a romantic relationship with a person of color because i can't project myself or relate to them if they arent the very thing being catered to me ever since the silent pictures vibes. u know the same vibe when rtd was told to not regenerate 14 in 13's clothes. just. Ick.

but im not mad. its just interesting for a ship so big as tenrose, it is usually correlated with hating madame de pompadour and/or joan and/or river [though in joan's case they hate her not because shes racist but because shes not rose]

though comics tend to release to combat that in multi doctor stories where they jump through various alternate universes of themselves where the doctor sees themselves settled down with dr. grace holloway (for 8th dr multi doctor stories) and professor melody williams/river song (for 11th dr multi doctor stories) where in those cases, they are frightful of the concept settling down at all. [take note that both times, he settles down in the same house that he owns bc of that unit paycheck on the dl] so i am curious that with this new drs, the equivalent of this would be 13 14 15 being terrified of settling down with rose because they had grown past her as this point.

i prefer the doctor in a polyromantic ace relationship than their umpteenth 🌟tragic heteronormative romance with yt human woman number 23445788764443356743🌟 i want 14 to sweep martha off her feet in pure joy and kiss her passionately while badmouthing tf out of 10 like 9 11 12 13 do with no filter before cradling her like a baby because hes about to crumble under his brand new identity complex and then take her kid to an amusement park and then 14 trips over a brick and dies. hell i rather have nina sosanya play a whole different lady in nod to doctor who recycles their actors trope as a way to introduce a love interest to 14

that amusment park one weirdly sounds like a 8th doctor audio. pls 🙏🏾 dont make it into one i couldnt handle schezro let alone the rest of his content. Empire of the Wolf made me so fucking worried for rose marion tyler like im just she back home 🫣. as for rose tyler from the sea devil universe still out about. whoop his ass. if billie come back as HER? MISS COVER MODEL MISS DICTATOR MISS EMPRESS ROSE?

NOT

i would love for ten to be strictly friends with the new miss empress rose. get that martha karma real quick ehehehehe after all rtd did say they need freema for somethin and im sure seeing 10 get treated the same way he treated martha by no other than empress rose herself -AND THEN EMPRESS ROSE FLIRTS WITH MARTHA??? FINGERS CROSSED??? im just saying that i personally will ride on that for 8 black history months and christmases straight like woo

also real glad it is collectively decided by every one that tentoo is just john smith not corin so yay thanks big finish and titan comics

[neat-crows]

So I've been re-watching dr who for the first time ever rn, with a friend who's never seen it before, so I'm seeing all these episodes for the first time since I was 13 and picking up on a LOT that I never noticed before, and holy shit the tenth doctor is SO WEIRD to Martha Jones, and nothing exemplifies that more than the sontaran stratagem/the poison sky.... like..... he is SO weird the whole way down.

When they first see each other again their introduction directly mirrors Jack and The Doctor's in Utopia

"Doctor" "martha Jones" laugh and hug

"doctor" "captain Jack" laugh and hug

And then! they have a normal interaction!!! WIN he asks how her family is and how she is, and they're smiling and genuinely seem like friends very happy to see each other!

And then.... donna drops the fiance bomb.

He turns with a look of.... almost anger? disbelief? and asks WHAT MAN?? Then martha explains who he is and the doctor....

he looks? upset? and then like, resigned? AND THEN martha admits that her fiance is kind of similar to the doctor, and then donna asks "Is he skinny?" and his reactions

is to make a face like "yeahh" AND START NODDING????? like he's taken Martha's admission to mean she's with a man that's just like him, and honestly seems a bit smug over it, and then when Martha says no-

he looks so taken off guard and betrayed ??????????? BRO we are less than 5 minutes in..............

He then proceeds to be tetchy with her, and to be fair this is mostly because of her involvement with unit, and his discomfort with how militaristic she's gotten - which I think comes both from anger at himself for how he's changed her, and also discomfort that she's no longer "his" Martha, she's changed, and he doesn't know her as well anymore.

he tells her off, he's snide and judgmental, he won't even look at her until she tells him to, and he's honestly bitchy - Until she explains herself, and tells him off for being so judgmental, i also think his line "oh so it's my fault" is very telling because..... it literally is? like yes, you put her in situations where she had to become harder and more used to violence......... and he KNOWS it. He's doing what he did all through series 3, which is feel guilty or bad and then take it out on Martha (that's for another post though) until she stands up for herself (get his ass!!) and then when she's finished she looks at him

determined, but eyes darting back and forth waiting for his reaction, on some small level hoping for his approval

and only THEN does he start to smile, and he tells her "that sounds more like Martha Jones." she's back to feeling like she's still his (to him, Martha is acting incredibly normal and platonic). The doctor has always had a weird possessiveness with Martha, going all the way back to their first episode where he hand picked her, and in this second of her looking for his approval, he feels that again, and he IMMEDIATELY started flirting again - please go watch the scene it boggles my mind how fast he switches.

I also want to be clear, Martha isn't flirting back, she's acting extremely normally. She's clearly taken the time away from him to get over, not only romantic feelings, but any anger as well. She seems to have come to terms with how she feels with everything that happened, and she loves and cares about him, but she's not naive to his faults - I also don't think she even picks up on him being weird to her in this scene. She's no longer in tune with his every mood swing, she's not here to fix him, or cater to his needs, and so she no longer notices these small moments from him.

AND THEN.... the clone.

He never flirts with the clone. The ONLY time, is the very first time they interact, before he's realized something is wrong.

he calls her over to come with him, and his face is honestly way too close to hers. bro is a menace. but then, maybe 2 minutes later, he immediately clocks that this is not Martha.

he realizes there has to be a spy and only has to consider for half a second before he turns and asks about her family, he's already realized she's acting a little off, and the second she answers he's 100% certain.

and he gets MAD. he tells her Donna went home because she's not like her, she's not "a soldier" clearly a shot at the sontarans, but also another subtle test, the real Martha wouldn't let that slide, and he wouldn't say that to the real Martha. He continues saying Avanti, instead of Allonse-y, which is interesting, because he already knows. He's not doing this to confirm his suspicions, he's doing this as retaliation. To confirm to himself he knows Martha better than this fake, he's toying with her. BUT. He doesn't go to save Martha.

The next episode, the doctor's daughter, he refuses to accept the label of soldier, but Jenny rightfully points out that he strategizes like one And this is one such moment. He knows Martha is a clone, he's mad and upset, he could go save her right away, but he doesn't. He doesn't because it serves him best to allow her to keep shutting down the nuclear launch.

It reminds me a lot of when Cassandra possessed Rose in New Earth, he played a long for a little bit, but that was just to figure out what was happening. He IMMEDIATELY tried to fix it, I just wonder if it was any other companion if he would have done this. If it was Donna would he have left her for so long? even if it was strategic? it's this weird conflict the doctor has now that he's very very protective and a bit possessive, but he also treats her like an equal on the battlefield, and it's a weird... trust? he has in her to take care of herself.

I kind of don't want to call it trust because that sounds too positive, but I don't know another way to phrase it, but it's a forced independence and self sufficiency.

but then, he finally goes to save her

He goes and cradles her face gently, and NOTABLY says "good, still alive" MEANING HE DIDN'T KNOW??? and still left her for that long...

but he holds her gently, and fully ignores the clone. He has his back to her, and then proceeds to taunt her. He tells her he clocked her right away because of the pupil size, thin hair, and he says she smells. but we know this isn't true.

Sure maybe those physical traits are true, but that's not how he figured it out, we saw how he did it, he clocked on because he knows Martha so well, but he can't admit that. He can't admit that he knows her just as much as she knows him, just like he couldn't tell Rose he loved her.

He is so deeply angry at this clone, he makes fun of her, he yells at her, he looks at her likes she's nothing

This is his face when he kills her. He doesn't talk to her, or even TRY to save her. And we know she is alive, she has memories, and her own thoughts and feelings, and the doctor kills her while gloating because of his immense anger for hurting Martha. An anger that is also guilt.

he does not speak to her like a person (which directly leads into his treatment of Jenny in the next ep).

Parallel that to how Martha treats her, they talk about their family and she even calls the clone Martha. She really is a doctor in a way ten tried and often failed at.

And then at the end, Donna asks Martha to come with them, and she says no, and that she's happy at home, but she's better for having traveled and come back.

And the doctor looks at her

With an obvious sadness, but also acceptance. He clearly wants her here, with him, but I think he's finally come to accept that that'll never happen, and he needs to let her go.

Edit: I Like their dynamic(mostly) This is not an anti tenmartha post Him being a freak is compelling

[dazedazaii]

Hello haein!! I saw that your requests were open so I would like to request a Dazai x ( fembodied! ) reader x Chuuya? (The reader can use any prns but they're afab that's what I meant:3) Dazai and Chuuya having a contest who makes you feel more pleasure/makes you orgasm faster? Maybe dacryphillia, manhandling, bondage, a bit of dubcon ( they're tipsy ) and overstimulation.

Thank you have a great day🙏👤

tipsy ‘n real nasty !! — o. dazai & c. nakahara

tysm for being my first request ></ !! i hope i did this some justice …

cw: threesome, praise, crying / sobbing, fem terms but reader is labeled w they them / you yours, piv, bondage, overstim, begging, creampies, oral (m reviving), lmk if i missed anything

”aha, chuuya ~! look at me, sliding in so easily. pretty slut, taking me in all the way. gonna make you cum in three minutes ….” dazai laughed as your moans rumbled in on chuuyas dick, his full size in your mouth. your wrists tied up rather tightly with some gauze dazai had left lingering around and your legs were wide open as the chocolate haired man slid in and out of your walls roughly, making sure there would be bruises by tomorrow morning.

there were empty bottles of alcohol scattered around the tatami floors, and dazai’s breath smelt of alcohol. it wasn’t just him, though. both you and chuuya had been drinking the same amount that dazai had, face blush red with the alcohol getting to your head and making everything a blur.

chuuyas hips buck into your mouth as you let out a muffled moan, the corners of your mouth drooling out as chuuya wiped it with his thumb, face a bright red hue as he grips onto your hair with shaky hands, ignoring dazai’s remarks and pushing you into deeper, helping you bob your head faster as the ginger lets out a trail of moans, throwing his head back.

“feels so gooood, hahh ~ f- fuck ..! jus’ like that, baby, yeahhh ..~” the ginger grunts into your mouth as dazai huffs, leaning closer into your ear and letting out a seducing moan, perhaps purposely, but who know if it was real.

feeling dazai’s dick twitch inside of you and his hip movement becoming more sloppy, you looked at chuuyas eyes, half shut and staring at you as you suck him off with vibrating moans that only made him want you more. dazai clenched his teeth and whisper into your ear. despite not being able to see it, you knew he held a smirk on his lips.

“gonna cum inside ‘nd fill you full …” without having the time to say anything back, you felt the bandaged man’s cum sweep inside of you, making you moan louder, the vibration making chuuya moan along and finish off in your mouth, his cum drooling down your lips as you limply laid on the bed, desperate cunt dripping with the mixture of both you and dazai’s cum. the both of them pulled out around the same time as dazai placed a gentle kiss on your cheek, licking off the small tears rolling down your face from the intense pleasure.

“ahh, ‘m soo turned on by your tears, ‘donna …” dazai checks his clock and frowns slightly before chuuya does the same, smirking.

“four minutes to make them cum ? bet i can do it in two.” the ginger shoved dazai away from your glistening pussy and lined himself up before blinking and asking you if you were alright. you nod, unable to form a proper sentence before chuuya places a gentle kiss on the corner of your lips, his slender fingers traveled down to your clit and he made small circles on them before shoving his dick inside of you fully, making you scream out in pleasure, toes curled and eyes crossed.

dazai scoffs and rolls his chestnut eyes, crouching in front of you and stoking his cock, making you drool as you get pounded relentlessly by chuuya.

the small pearls of precum leak out of dazai’s reddened tip before opening your jaw and shoving his whole cock in, making you choke and tears spill out even more. the ginger seed your tears, and can’t help but lean in and kiss them away, this thrust getting faster and faster, clearly turned on by it.

“pretty tears — shiiitt ~ crying ‘n moaning like a bitch in heat …” chuuyas movements become faster as he glances at the clock, his smirk growing wider. dazai grits his teeth, pulling your hair and making your movements on his dick faster. you feel your stomach turn from both of the men fuckinf both holes relentlessly.

moaning into dazai’s cock, your cum spills out, chuuya finishing inside of you, his dick deep in and slow fucking all the small drops of his cum that spilt out. sweat dropped down from his forehead and dazai pulled out from your mouth, making you pant and shudder. naked and cold, the ginger coos you and placed hot kisses on the corner of your lips.

“dammit. we tied.”

“the hell ?! let me see that.”

the timer marked another four minutes, and the both of them turned to you, a sweaty and hot mess. dazai smirks and leaned closer to your face as you quietly babbled nothing.

“you don’t mind if we have a tie breaker, now do you, belladonna ?”

[justcallmesakira]

"All pickup lines are taken, can I pick you up?~

Sypnosis: Whats better then flirting with your own lover by shocking him with the most flabbergasting pickup line?

Genre: Lowkey crack, a bit suggestive?

Pairings: Dazai x reader

A/N: this was so fun especially since this was a short drabble💗💗💗guys read it again if you already read it I made slight changes

Today was probably the quietest day in the agency especially since dazai was somehow in a calm mood today. Though it's a very rare possibility of dazais shenanigans to not be on display, everyone was doing their work.

Dazai was leaning against a wall probably thinking of some suicide method in that brain of his. Only God knew what goes on in that big brain of his.

You came marching over to the office with a cheeky grin on yourself which immediately made ranpo jolt up from his seat with a shocked look on his face... Oh boy what did he deduce....

"Helloooo~ donna'! How was your da-" Before dazai could speak the whole of your arm was right beside him with your knee bend down beside his pair of daddy long legs which immediately made his eyes widen in shock.

Only silence in the agency could be heard for a few seconds before everyone's eyes switch to you pining the bandaged man to him.

"I'd love to take you to the movies but they don't let you bring your own snacks" you spit out with a grinding face which makes dazai brain a long time to process what in the rizz lord did you say.

Oh ho ho, you didn't stop there

"By the way, Dazai have we met before? Because you look like my next husband"

you winked at dazai with the most nasty eye, the type of expression which any boy would give to a girl.

Yosano was sighing with ranpo beside her giving them the nastiest eye anyone in the room could give. Atsushi was beyond flustered by your bold move, good thing kenji and kyouka went on a playda-- I mean mission.

Kunikida was simply shocked because of his no pda rule.

Dazai's senses finally came back which made him snicker. "my my, belladonna, trying to be dominating now are we, Though the thought of sliding a ring on your empty finger isn't a bad idea" He really had the audacity to tease you and grin at you while he's the one being pushed against the wall like a poster.

Your little interaction was interrupted when Kunikida came raging towards you two with a file in his hands, hitting the both of you harshly and giving you two a quick scold.

Deep inside though, dazais heartbeat really fastened though that even he couldn't code it down.

A/N: idk if I should do more well written parts....

Divider creds: @cafekitsune

[ivorryskies]

Dazai x reader (besties, but dazai having feelings for her.)

The whole agency attends a wedding of a client<3. Like, make some scenarios of ur choice. Also,The bride throws her bouquet and gets caught by the reader leaving the reader flustered.

I Do ＊•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚

➼authors note: ahh! this is so cute! i really look forward to your requests! you ask and i shall deliver!

➼pairings: Dazai x fem!reader

➼summary: you attend the wedding of a client with the agency but you did not expect your turn to be next?

You zipped up one of your finest of dresses, pairing it with a simple pearl necklace and earrings and taking your clutch and walking out of your room.

You wore your heels and took your keys leaving for the night. A client had so kindly invited you to their wedding after the agency helped saved them.

Kunnikida was supposed to pick you up as you didn't feel like driving that night and as if on cue you heard a car honk outside. You opened the door and sat on the passenger seat.

"good evening Kunnikida"

"good evening [name]" he said calmly and drove off.

You two talked about how nice the client is on your way to the venue and discussed other matters. You reached the venue in 15 minutes and got out of the car to see the agency standing there waiting for you two and ranpo and president.

You walked to them greeting them.

"hello guys!" you said cheerfully.

"damn girl you're looking fine" you heard yosano say walking up to you. She didn't look any less, she looked stunning.

"says you" you smiled at her.

what you didn't notice at first was dazai staring at you, his eyes lit up watching you walk down. He was speechless. A man who had more control on his emotions than anyone, had no control over this feeling. He forced them to subside but failed miserably causing his cheeks to flush.

"oh hey donna~" he said oddly nervous.

"hey dazai! whats up!" you smiled walking to him.

You two talked abit with dazai just gazing at your eyes the entire time until the president and ranpo arrived. You all walked in and sat n your seats when refreshments were served. Dazai took 2 champagne glasses and gave one to you, while yosano took wine instead. Ranpo was taking the appetizers and president was sitting calmly on his seat observing everything while kunnikida was writing something down... probably his ideal wedding. Naomi and Tanazaki excused themselves as they had to go to school tomorrow.

The bride entered and she looked stunning you gasped at how lovely she looked while dazai was focused on you the entire time. How your cheeks flushed slightly when the groom took the brides hand to bring her to him, how your hair looked so gorgeous, your simple yet stunning jewelry and you beautiful dress. What was happening to him? He shook his head and turned away.

The bride and groom were saying their vows as yosano smiled gently at the sight circling her wine glass,kunnikida observing with a calm expression. the president also had a small smile and ranpo couldn't care less. As the priest said "you may now kiss the bride" it made you abit emotional and you took dazais hand commenting on how cute the couple looks and how you can't wait to experience this one day, while all he could think about was that if you want he would put a ring on your finger right now, but oh how he was too good at hiding his feelings and how blind you were to his.

Soon enough after some snacks the bride lined up everyone to throw her bouquet in the end and smiled softly at you when she noticed the agency there. You didn't want to stand there but yosano pulled you so here you are. you stood still waiting for the flowers to get launched but what you didn't expect was her throw to go so far that it reached as far as you were standing and...out of the blue...you caught it.

The agency all started cheering for you as kunnikida clapped yosano hugged you tightly, ranpo cheered and president smiled. Dazai looked at you shocked as you caught the flowers. Your face shun a bright red flustered at all the sudden attention looking at the flowers in disbelief. You chuckled nervously and hugged yosano back and soon went back to your seat when everyone settled down. You showed dazai the flowers and he just said.

"nice catch" and laughed

"i didn't expect her to throw all the way back!" you chuckled nervously.

The bride and groom were going back but stopped on their way to greet you guys. You all stood up congratulating them and dazai teased the groom so bad flustering him and you nudged his shoulder laughing. What a great day...and if theres one thing dazai learnt.

it was how badly he wanted to wife you up

»»———-　 ︵‿︵‿���♡୧‿︵‿︵ ———-««

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 18

♡ Chapter Inspo: The Tortured Poets Department ; TS - 'I scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever. But you awaken with dread, pounding nails in your head, but i've read this one where you come undone - I chose this cyclone with you, and who's gonna hold you like me?'

♡ Summary: Winnie meets Donna for the first time, Carmy ends up needing an emergency therapy session.

♡ W/C: 8,071

♡ Posted Date: 04/22/24

♡ A/N: Eep here we are! 18 chapters and the plot is finally starting to thicken up! I'm enjoying where this story is going very much. I hope you all are too! When I heard the golden retriever line I was like - wait....Carmy and Winnie hahahah!!! I'm loving this new album V much - tried not to add too much Taylor-talk in here but it's CANON that Winnies a fan so it would be OOC for her to not be excited heheheh ♡ Warnings for BTC: Swearing, Physical Violence, Alcoholism, Mentions of Police, Family domestic abuse, attempt to enable said behaviors, Sad Carmy

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

Her shrill voice bounced off the walls, and quite frankly made my head hurt. I took a deep breath, clearing my throat and preparing for what was to come. I’d been apart of many screaming matches in my life since Id realized I could fight my mother back - so at minimum 15 years worth of defending myself against a raging narcissist.

“You don’t have to talk to her, my purse is just in there- I need it it has our house keys” I said so just we could hear. 

“Where is he! CARMEN ANTHONY. YOU WILL COME SPEAK TO ME I AM YOUR MOTHER!” she shouted. It was clear she was drunk by the way she was speaking and annunciating her words. 

“Baby go- go outside, I’m gonna deal with her” he said softly, his hands were shaking. 

“I’m not leaving you alone, bear. I promise, I’m not gonna add fuel” I said and took his hand, holding it in mine and squeezing gently. “I love you - and that means we do things together even when they’re hard” I whispered and he nodded, swallowing thickly. 

“Donna! Donna sweetheart we should step outside huh? Let’s go, let’s go outside, we'll have a cigarette. The babies are here, you don’t want them to hear this? No?” Jimmy told her, ushering her down the hall towards where we were in the dining room that contained the front door. 

When she saw him it was like everything stopped, I felt like I was trapped in a lions den, or a fucking bear cave more like it. “Who is this?” She said, just above a whisper and she looks at me, then our enclasped hands, then Carmen again. “Who the fuck is this, Carmen?” She questioned 

“Mom. Mom. Listen-“ I interrupt him because I’d never heard his voice sound so small and scared 

“Hi! I’m Winnie?” I said casually. “And- I assume you’re Donna? Right?” I gently rubbed the back of his hand with the pad of my thumb, it felt like I was trying to tame a mountain lion with a smile. 

“And what kind of fucking name is Winnie. What the hell is this- a goddamn cartoon? And why are you in my daughters house?” She asked and I maintained my cool, seeing as the whole family pretty much had silently crowded in the hall to watch this go down. 

“Oh-“ I cleared my throat, trying to maintain my cool and I held our hands up that were laced together “I’m well acquainted with your son.” I drop them back to our sides “he’s lovely. May I just say you did a wonderful job raising him.” I said and he squeezed my hand tightly 

“And I’m here to talk to said son alone. So you can take your cute little carrot top self back wherever you came from and fuck right off missy “ she snapped and I raised my brows, but before I could open my mouth Jimmy stepped in 

“Heyyy! Hey hey! Donna- Donna the girl hasn’t done anything wrong come on-“

“Oh shut up jimmy.” She seethed 

“MOM!” Carmen snapped, “I’m not fuckin’ doing this” he rose his voice so she could tell he was serious “I’m not. That was it- we’re done we’re leaving good fuckin job- I’m fucking leaving. Syd can you bring Winnie’s fuckin purse please?” He called to her and I saw her shoving through everyone gathered in the hallway to get back into the living room.

“Oh so you’re gonna choose this stupid girl over your own mother? What are you too good for your mother now? Is she- is she some hot shot chef? Oh- no let me guess- she’s a nurse since you messed things up with the Doctor, Claire?” She said and my mouth dropped 

“Actually-“ I scoff “I work at a library- your son is the ‘hot shot’ chef. The only one in your family might I add? Donna, you are speaking to everyone horribly right now. Why do you think he wouldn’t want to talk to you when you’re acting like-“ I see her jerk her arm and I am suddenly soaking wet, and my eyes are stinging worse than I’d ever felt in my life. I shrieked, wiping my face furiously and coughing, my lungs burning as the alcoholic drink that had been thrown in my face choked me from when I’d gasped in surprise and inhaled a gulp of it. 

“Oh- Donna!” Jimmy said “no- no now you gotta go dear, what’s wrong with you?” 

“Someone had to shut her up to stop that annoying little speech she was putting me to sleep” she laughed drunkenly 

“Mom what- WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?! ARE YOU? WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING OBSESSION RUINING EVERYTHING?! THIS IS WHY - THIS- THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU- I CAN'T STAND YOU! I CANT FUCKING STAND YOU MOM” Carmy roars. 

“Oh my god you crazy bitch” Sadie said angrily. I couldn’t even see what was going on, everything was sticky and wet and it was driving me insane. I was still stuck in a coughing fit as I rubbed my eyes but the stinging was getting worse. The amount of overwhelmed, embarrassment, fear, anger I felt threw me headfirst into a panic attack. 

“What did she throw? Oh my god my contacts Sadie - I- I need to take out my contacts” I said gasping and coughing as I felt a hand on my arm guiding me to the kitchen 

“I know, I know, shhhh” she coaxed, bringing me over to the sink. “I’m gonna get them out but you have to do me a favor and stay still” she ordered, but I could barely fucking understand her with the pain. 

I began sobbing uncontrollably and she turned the sink on “I’m so sorry” I said and we heard crashing coming from the front room 

“What? What did she do?! MOM!!!” I heard Natalie shout “MOM THESE ARE BRAND FUCKING NEW CARPETS!! GET HER OUT!!!” She shrieked.

“YOUR FUCKING CARPETS? SHE JUST BLINDED MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND AND YOU GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE CARPETS, NAT?! THIS IS ON YOU, YOU’RE THE FUCKING REASON SHES HERE.” Carmy was in a rage. I’d never heard him so angry before.

“Everything e-everything I’m sticking-  i’m sticking oh my god Sadie. Everything stings, Sadie. Help me” I cried, “what did I even say why did she do that?” I sobbed, each time I tried to open my eyes I was faced with a searing pain. All of the screaming, the fear of his mother finding me and doing further damage for god knows why, the worry for Carmy and what was happening to him - it was all too much.

“CALL THE FUCKIN’ COPS THIS SHIT IS GETTIN’ TOO FUCKIN OUT OF HAND.” Richie shouted 

“I am alreadyyy on it- yup okay- let me just- I can’t hear them! I’m gonna go out there“ I heard Syd say awkwardly 

“Open” Sadie said and pried my left eye open, quickly scooping out the contact before doing the same with the right causing me to wince. She had to essentially trap me against the counter and wall so I wouldn't out of instinct slap and kick her for trying to dig in my fucking eyes with her fingers.

“Ok rinse” she said once she managed to get both of the contacts out. I dove for the sink, scrubbing my face over with water, rinsing out my eyes quickly and doing my best to hold them open under the running water despite the burning and uncomfortable stinging.

“G-get Carmen please, please” I said through shaky sobs. I hadn’t even been able to listen to what was going on since Sadie had scooped out my contacts, it was as if she and I were the only people in the house due to all the adrenaline from the pain coursing through my body allowing me to focus on the task at hand the fucking blinding pain.

“Yup ok. Okay I’ll find him” she said and I heard a sharp slap come from the other room

“MOM - MOM!! DID YOU REALLY JUST HIT HIM LIKE THAT! Oh, Carmy- Are you ok? Go- go out of here- go” Natalie shrieks at donna and there’s a loud smashing of glass 

“MY PLATES!!! MY PLATES!!!” Natalie shouts and starts to cry, “Jimmy! Jimmy those are my special china we got at our wedding!” She sobs “Mom! Why are you doing this?!” she pleaded

“That bitch is FUCKED up! What in the fuckin ghetto ass shit! Isn’t this the north side?!” Sadie said, causing Richie to laugh 

“Welcome to the fuckin Berzatto house my friend” he told her loudly over the chaos

“Natalie! Natalie - Honey- Uncle Jimmy will replace your plates, Come on honey we need to get her out I need your help grab her other arm!” I heard Jimmy tell her 

“Oh my god baby” I heard from behind me and Carmy rushed over, touching my back and I flinch.

“Don’t- don’t touch me I’m gonna have a panic response I can’t see- I don’t wanna hurt you” I said quickly, trying to even my breathing and stop crying so hard. “Please get my bag” I told him, continuing to rinse my eyes until the pain had subsided enough to open them. 

“Yeah- uh…yeah” he said and I heard him go into the living room. I felt around the counter until I found the paper towel, patting my face down with it to dry.  

When he came in, I took my glasses out of my purse, putting them on my face to see his cheek was unnaturally bright red- it looked so painful. There was a big raised mark with fanned out stripes from a handprint - she slapped him so hard it would bruise. 

Suddenly, my panic for myself melted away and I went in to protector mode, any worry or fear melted and reformed into concern for the sweet, damaged man before me. “Oh..Bear” I whispered, rushing to the freezer and getting a bag of frozen vegetables. “My poor love” 

I went over, gently pressing it to his cheek and he hissed in pain “yeah…” he said softly. “ it looks bad?” He asked

“I think she should go to jail. Either that or she agrees to go to rehab,” I said softly, gently thumbing out the wrinkle in his brow with my thumb. 

“She’s not gonna go to rehab” he muttered, looking up at the ceiling and swallowing hard. I could tell he was biting back tears, as was I, because this environment wasn’t safe to cry. 

“Then she goes to jail. Because this is gonna give you a black eye - and don’t you know how much I love your pretty face?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit and I kissed his good cheek. 

He cracked the slightest smile, “yeah she really got me. She’s never uh…well not since I was a kid but I don’t think she’s ever hit me with all her strength like that. I was scared for a second she broke my fuckin jaw” he said and I gently rub his shoulder 

“Baby really” I said softly. “Half of your face is gonna be bruised. She needs help” I said quietly. 

“But….she’d never forgive me” he said brokenly, averting my gaze. 

“Forgive you?! Oh bear. No, no my love. Carm, you should be thinking if you can ever forgive her. Not the other way around.” I gently rub his chest “lets go sit on the couch ok? We don’t want this rash to set and it’ll be so much worse. Cold compress should help the aching and the red and the swelling” I explained. He nodded a bit and took over holding the bag, going with me to the living room. 

“I want you on my lap” he said softly and I nodded, sitting down and wrapping my arm across his shoulders, holding the bag with my other hand against his cheek. 

“They’re fine- yeah- Winnie- how are your eyes?” Syd asked as she came in the living room talking on the phone 

“Okay Syd, thanks. It’s Carmy I’m worried about- is your ear ok bear?” I asked him 

“Still ringing” he mumbled, resting his other cheek on my chest and shutting his eyes. 

“He says his ear is ringing. I’m gonna have him checked out tomorrow” I told her and she nods

“Do you…wanna press charges?” She asked and I shrug 

“Tell them well know when they get here based on her behavior and if she’s being remorseful,” I said and she nodded, heading back to the front room. 

“Oh my god- oh god. Carmy - Carmy I’m so sorry” Natalie said, rushing in and sitting next to us, “Winnie- Winnie I’m so sorry please forgive me I promise. I told her she has to go to rehab I told her she has to go or she can’t come here anymore-“ I cut her off 

“Natalie…” I said softly. “If she doesn’t agree to be checked into an emergency rehab center- tonight? She is going to jail. Tonight. I will make sure of it. So if you don’t want her to go to jail, I would go talk her into rehab. There is nothing you have to be sorry to us for, lovey. If anything- apologize to Pete? Apologize to your daughters. But not us. Because Carmen has been saying for at least 2 months he no longer wants to interact with her, and the only time he has to is when you push him to do so. I love you, it’s why I’m telling you this. And I appreciate the roll you have in Carmys life and all you do for him- but you are enabling her. And it’s hurting the family. No matter what happens after tonight- this is the last time either of us will see her unless we’re shown definite proof she is sober.” I explained.

 Carmen just sat silently, his other cheek flush against my chest with his eyes closed, likely pretending to not be here. He didn’t have the mental strength to stick up to her like this right now, nor did he have the emotional capacity to do it gently. So I was stepping up to take the load for him. 

  “Okay…” she nodded “okay.” She repeated and went back out to the front yard where Jimmy had wrangled Donna off to wait for the cops.  “I love you” he muttered into my shirt, and he sounded utterly defeated.

Donna had chosen rehab- reluctantly. It wasn’t without a huge fight between her, Carmy, and Natalie, with many tears from each side being shed. 

When we finally got home, we wordlessly stripped out of our clothes, I started the shower for us and he got our towels for us and set out our night time lavender lotion we shared on top of the counter. I put the towels in the warmer Carmy had bought for us, since he said it ‘was too much an effort for me to put them in the dryer while we shower, and the floor out there was so cold, and he dripped all over while going to get them’ so the $200 purchase was well worth it to him.  

We had a silent shower, but it was not any less intimate then any of our other shared showers. We still washed each other, we still gently brushed eachothers wet strands of hair off of the others forehead. I had to swallow a lump in my throat each time my gaze met the raised bumps on his swollen red cheek. 

I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through the next few weeks until he healed. I’d much rather her had slapped me. I could hardly imagine what he was going through inside his head right now. I had to actually remove myself and go throw up when I heard him crying, begging her to listen to Sugar and just go with her to rehab- or he would have to tell the cops to take her. 

Apparently, she went through the typical stages of grief an addict goes through when realizing they’ve been backed into a corner and are no longer able to make the choice to keep using for themself. She had started by telling them the classic

‘I know- I know I’ve done some messed up things- I know I’ve hurt you kids! But I’m your mother- you really are gonna send your mother to jail? Hmm? Carmy? My littlest bear. You’d send your mama away? I don’t believe that, Carmen. Oh Carmen Anthony. My sweetest boy. Don’t you  let your sister control the situation- you don’t want this sweetheart you don’t want to do this to your mother’ 

And when Carmen simply told her ‘no- I’m with Sug, mom you need rehab- this can’t keep goin’ ’ she flew off the handle once more, screaming at him, Sugar and the police - telling them that they were crazy- that all of them were lying about her, and that she didn’t even have a problem at all. That her ingrate horrible leech children- the ones that she had left at least, had planned for her to be taken away and locked up because they hate her- for why? She couldn’t give an answer to that in her drunken state. 

For the last part of her Oscar worthy performance - She wailed, she screamed, she cursed Carmen and told him he was a mistake- that together he and Natalie had ruined her life. That she ‘knew she should have stopped at Michael.’ That they drove their father away together, drove her to drink, and then drove their brother to do what he did. That they took everything from her. That her very pregnancy’s and births with them were pure hell- as if she was birthing demons and that she’d been miserable since the day Natalie had been born, and that it hadn’t stopped. And not without telling Carmen he made things all the more worse. 

In her vicious words, as told to me by Syd while Carmen comforted Natalie in the laundry room as she sobbed so hard she could barely breathe - the last thing Donna said after finding out Carmy would be the one paying for her treatment - while she being put in Pete’s car so he could drop her off was; 

“Your father couldn’t handle your social deficits anymore- so he left us. that’s what really happened you drove your father away from your brother and sister. You’re the reason the family is the way it is.” 

After Syd told me, I sobbed so hard I threw up again. 

The look on Carmen’s face when he came to collect me in the living room to leave after tending to Natalie and getting her to bed was nothing short of haunted. 

The drive back, likely goes without saying- was silent. 

Carmy cut off the water after he finished delicately rinsing my hair, opening the curtain and grabbing my towel first, wrapping it around my body. 

“Thanks.” I muttered, squeezing the water from my hair before drying my body off and stepping out. 

He hummed in response. The rest of the evening was that- silent. It was almost a shell shock kind of silent. I felt insane guilt, so much so that silent hot tears rolled down my cheeks as we laid in the dark, trying our best to get some sleep. 

“I- I know we said goodnight already” I sniffle, my voice hoarse and raw from crying. “I’ll shut up after this- I just had to tell you I’m sorry. I’m so so fucking sorry Bear. I’ll listen to you from here on. I’m sorry- It- it was so stupid it was my fault- you know your family better than anyone I was so dumb to push you and to ask to stay. I think back on it and I realize why you got upset when I asked on the porch- but hindsight is always 20/20. I got you hurt. I hurt you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. You know I never would intentionally hurt you…right? And it feels like- like I did this to you” I said, gently rubbing his arm. 

He sat up, flicking on the lamp on his side. “It’s my mom.” He said, wiping my tears. “Please. Baby. Please. I- I can’t be away from you tonight- but if I start gettin’ worked up again- I’m not gonna be able t’sleep here. Please. Princess,  Honey - I love you. I fucking love you. Is that what you need? I need you to be okay right now baby- at least not cryin’. I’m hangin’ on-“ he took a shaking breath “I’m hangin by a thread. I already texted Jazz” he whispered, rubbing his face over to rid any building tears. 

I swallowed thickly “I love you, Ok. Ok I’m done, I just had to tell you how sorry I am…” I said, quickly shoving all my emotions into a too small box and locking the bulging lid. He needs me right now. 

“Here, you’ll be little tonight. Turn off the light” I said, laying flat and opening my arms for him. 

He shut off the light, nuzzling his face into my neck, pulling me close as he possibly could. With a featherlight touch, I brush his hair off his forehead so it doesn’t tickle my mouth, gently dragging my nails across his scalp. “Thank you” he muttered.

He shivered a bit, his breath hitching slightly before he melted into me, sighing deeply. “I love you, so much, Carmen. Wholeheartedly. As sure as I am the sun will come up tomorrow, that’s how sure I am I love you. With every cell of my being. And I want you to know that it’s okay to be hurting. It’s okay to show you’re hurting, bear. You’re safe” I said quietly, before kissing his forehead tenderly. 

He remained silent, fingers gently moving along the skin of my back. I continued gently scratching his scalp, rubbing his back in long soothing strokes, the only sound in the room being our breathing and my noise machine. It remained that way for about 20 minutes, before he started softly shaking with silent sobs, holding me tighter and sniffling every so often. 

It went on like this for quite a while. My neck was soaking wet, so was my pillow he was nuzzled on- I didn’t care. I could flip it over. The itch of tear droplets gliding down my skin was only temporary. What he needed right now, was to be held. And to be loved. So that is what I’d give him, without any stipulation, or question, or expecting him to offer any answers. 

“You didn’t deserve it. Any of it. Remember that, ok? I know it hurts. You deserved a good mother, Carm. We both did.” I said softly, kissing the side of his head. 

He nodded gently, tightening his grip on me. “My fucking face hurts again. Like a bitch” he whimpered sadly. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat that formed at the sound of his wet tear filled voice “Give me a second Bear, I’ll be right back yeah? You’re getting too hot, It’s worse cause you're getting all warm and its makin’ the blood rush to your face and it’s throbbing. Cold will help it feel better, let me help you sweets” He wordlessly let me up and I quickly padded out to the freezer. 

Persephone meows, twirling around my legs for attention. “Hey you” I sniffled, tears brimming my eyes without an ability to stop them. I crouched down to pet her and blinked the blurry haze away, the offending tears rolling down my cheeks and dripping in 2 thick droplets onto the floor. 

“Carmy is sad right now, ok? Can you come give us your sweet Sephy snuggles and make him feel better? I know you can make him giggle silly girl” I wiped my face with his white shirt, shaking my head and trying to get ahold of myself.  

“Mama can do this, kittens. I can do it” I told myself, standing up again and momentarily resting the ice pack on each of my puffy eyes before blowing my nose with a tissue and heading back. 

“Hi sweet boy” I said softly, carefully getting back in bed and laying with him. 

“Hey” he sniffled.

I opened my arm for him “Here, we can both be cold” I joked. Resting the ice pack where he usually laid on my chest and patting it. “This will make it feel so much better, Bear” I assured him. 

“Thank you” he said, gently resting his cheek and closing his eyes. He was hiccuping and doing one of those post-sob sniffles every so often, as I resumed petting his hair. 

“Everything happens for a reason, Bear. And I’m really grateful I’m able to tell you I love you, tonight. I love you, and I’m here- I’ll always be here” I said softly and kissed his forehead with a gentle peck.  “You too…” He whispered, and that was the last thing either of us said that night.

The next morning naturally due to the stress I woke up extra early. Well- shamefully half because of the stress. Half because Sadie was coming over for coffee and we were gonna do our usual Taylor album release antics.

I grabbed my phone carefully, seeing that Sadie had sent me twenty seven texts since midnight. The last one being 

THAT CRAZY BITCH!! SHES RELEASING A PT 2. 31 FUCKIN SONGS WIN!!

I gasp quietly, ever so gently untucking Carm’s arm around me and getting up carefully. I picked up Seph who was comfy laying on his hip, squeaking in protest. 

I shush her, kissing her nose and carrying her to the kitchen. “Queen put a new album out fluffabutt!!” I whispered, taking out 2 coffee mugs. 

I grabbed my phone, FaceTiming Sadie “oh! Perfect! I’m at Starbucks what are you feeling?” She asked and I opened the cabinet, putting away the 2 glass mugs. 

“Can I have a large like- triple shot added americano? With extra oatmilk - vanilla and cold foam, iced?” I said and she laughed 

“Jesus Christ ok I’ll be ready to do CPR I guess” she joked. 

“Yup, Carm and I had a late night, shall I spare you the details?” I joked and she snorted, pulling up to the drive through. 

“Please- I don’t have to hear it twice.” She paused to put in our order “what does he like?” She asked

“Oh- black with sugar. He’s a weirdo. Thank you- I’ll cashapp you” I told her and she relayed it to the person working the line 

“Don’t worry about it- I’ll be there soon Kay?” She asked and I smiled a bit and nod 

“Sounds good. Love ya drive safe!” I told her 

“Love you!” She replied as I hung up. 

I heard stirring in the bathroom and the toilet flushed, so I headed back over to the bedroom just as Carm lays back down on his side of the bed.

“G’morning lovey” I said softly

“Hey- whats’up why’ya outta bed?” He yawned. My heart ached slightly at the sight of his puffy eyes and red nose from crying so long last night, but mostly the reddening on his cheek.

“Uh- it’s Taylor day- Sadie was coming over but we’re gonna get outta here so you don’t have to listen to us, don’worry” I sit down on my side of the bed. 

“Why?” He asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and tugging me to him. 

“We don’t wanna bug you…” I shrugged a bit. My past boyfriends would sometimes get annoyed about my passion for music- especially Taylor, and Sadie was just as loud and enthusiastic as I was- and especially due to the previous nights events. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’d be feeling snappier then usua & didn’t want to deal with our squealing and excited antics. 

“Why’d you bein’ happy bug me, honey?” He said softly, resting his head on my lap and looking up at me. 

I shrugged, gently playing with his hair. “I dunno… I guess if it’s ok we’ll stay, we’ll make sure t’be quiet cause you need your sleep baby your eyes are exhausted” I said softly, gently running my thumb over the bags under his eyes with my other hand. He sighed contently nuzzling his face in my stomach. 

“Sounds good t’me…Can I ask you somethin’ and you won’t laugh?” He asked, eyes still closed. 

“I’d never laugh at you, baby. Well- except that one time you thought rupaul were 2 different people.” I teased with a giggle and he snorts a laugh 

“Stop it I’m serious. Did that all….really happen? Last night?” He asked and I gently bit my lip. 

“I love you, and your mom is getting help. If that’s what you mean” I said, trying to lead with the good and put the bad as gently as I possibly could. 

He sighed softly “mmhmm.” he muttered, remaining quiet for a little bit. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he didn’t want to speak any more about it. Considering last night was the first time i’d met his mother- he was likely feeling embarrassed knowing him (which he shouldn’t be) but nonetheless- nothing I could say would remove that shame from him. The shame of being the child of an unhealed alcoholic was a wound that no one or nothing could heal unless she got the help she needed.

“Wait don’t we gotta go get the album or whatever baby? From Target yea?” He peeked up at me. My heart swelled at the fact he remembered that I told him about the little process Sadie and I had when Taylor would release an album. We didn’t go as far as to having a huge party and staying up until midnight how we used to, but we’d both take the day off work & get starbucks before going to target and buying the Vinyl & CD & listening it in her car together while we do a mini road trip and get lunch.

When I’d told him about it- he said it was ‘really sweet’ and that it seemed like a great time, I told him it was and jokingly invited him expecting him to pass- but surprisingly he agreed, & told me he likes hanging out with Sadie and I because we were ‘funny’ which just made me fall in love with him all the more that he enjoys my best friends company how I do.

I shook my head a bit “No carmy. We can just relax- we had a hard night. It can just wait you’re more important” I said gently and he sat up a bit, furrowing his brows slightly.

“No- no, I have therapy at 2 we got time you’ve been wantin’ this baby. I wanna see too what it’s about. All the letters and stuff? Mm? It’ll be fun right?” He rubbed my arm gently. I had been telling him all about the letters Taylor had been posting on her social media in preparation for the album. I  never expected him to be actually listening since I was just rambling on and I know he doesn’t listen to music so I thought he was just letting me go on because he cares about me.

“You really…you really care?” I asked, astonished he would even humor me by tolerating my interests- let alone actually asking questions about them and wanting to learn and participate in them the same way I’d ask him about cooking. 

“What? Yes. Yes, honey, I love listenin’ t’you talk about this stuff. Y’fuckin light up when you do. How could I not like it if it makes you happy?” He asked and I felt tears welling up behind my eyes. 

I hugged him tightly, nuzzling my face in his neck and he wrapped me in a bear hug, laying back on the mattress as I curl myself around him. “Y’think I don’t realize when y’tell me things you’re lookin’ forward to babe?” He asked gently and rubs my back soothingly. 

“I love you. So much” I whispered, blinking away hot stinging tears. “Nd you give such good hugs” I giggled, smiling when I feel him chuckle against me. 

“So you’ve told me” he kissed my temple “Now tell me princess, how do we do this? You said it’s a process hm?” He asked and I smiled big, sitting back and looking at him with my arms wrapped around his neck loosely. 

I knew he wasn’t a particular fan of hers, Carmy wasn’t really a fan of anything. He barely listened to music on his own, but because I listened to music near constantly - he’d gotten well adjusted to something always playing, and it was usually her. He would make it a point to say “ I do really like this one honey what’s it about?” When he’d heard ones he liked while cooking dinner or breakfast for us and of course I’d happily oblige. 

“Uh..” my cheeks heat as he kissed down my jaw and neck “so - we usually listen to the first single separately…” my breath hitches as he stops at my collarbones, tugging the collar of his shirt down over my shoulder easily and biting down gently on the fleshy part. He hummed as if to say ‘go on’ 

“That- would um..be the first track so. Yeah and then we listen to the rest together but like slow- we relisten to the songs over and over, it’s weird” I said, losing my train of thought as he kissed the top of my breast, sucking lightly before pulling away and looking up at me.

“Put it on then mm?” he rested his chin in the hill of my breasts looking up at me with those big blue puppy eyes of his. 

“I’m gonna tell you a lot today but I love you and you’re the best” I kissed his forehead gently and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. 

He smiled a bit, blush creeping across his cheeks. “So since im the best…does that mean we can fool around before Sadie gets here?” he sucked on my neck gently and I scratch his hair gently as I one handedly checked her location. 

“She’s 7 minutes away don’t think so especially since she has a key” I connect my phone to my bluetooth speaker. 

“Mmm” he huffs brattily,  leaning into my touch and closing his eyes.

“Ok, it’s been less then 24 hours, you little pervert- this one’s called Fortnight, A Fortnight if you don’t know is a period of 2 weeks. If you can remember the name of one song from this album before we go to bed I’ll do whatever you want any position at all” I smirked and he looked up at me quickly, like a puppy being asked if they’d like to go on a walk. 

“The mating press one?” he asked and I roll my eyes playfully with a smirk.

“Yes you horny fucker. Now shhh” I kissed his lips gently as I hit play on the song so he couldn’t ask any more questions.

He hummed happily and cupped my cheek with his calloused hand, rubbing his thumb over my cheek sweetly. When he pulled away he said, “The beat is cool” which made me smile big and pull him into another sweet kiss, gently rubbing over the back of his neck.

I gently rested my head on his shoulder as I listened and he snorted a laugh at the line ‘Your wife waters flowers, I want to kill her.’ “She’s so honest about her feelings, it’s refreshing” he mutters and I giggle a bit.

“Well yeah- if I lost you and then you went off and dated someone else and got married and we ended up being neighbors? If you didn’t move i’d fantasize about killing that bitch every day” I laced our fingers together.

He chuckled and shook his head. “Marriage would be completely off the table if you left me, so it’d never happen” He said and I blushed pink, squeezing his hand gently. 

“I’d never leave you, Bear. Ever, you know that. Here let me see hows your cheek baby?” I gently turn his face and bit my lip at the fanned out pink and deep red marks as well as a blotch in the middle of his cheek. 

“Yeah I look fuckin…horrible” he cleared his throat, looking away from my gaze. I shook my head quickly

“Baby-” I swallowed thickly, trying to hold back my tears and maintain an even normal voice. He hated when I cried, it always made him so upset, so the last thing I needed was to make him hurt more then he already was right now. “It looks fine.” I lied “I meant are you hurting? Can I get you some tylenol or something? Want me to ice it for you?” I asked and barely even brushed my finger over it and he winced.

“Ah- don’t” he hissed and I frowned. 

“I’m gonna go get an ice pack love” I got up and went to the freezer. The way he wasn’t fighting on me, meant it really was hurting him- but Carmy is Carmy and wasn’t ever going to complain. But it still bothered me how he would just sit there in pain & not say anything about it so I could take care of him.

I came back to bed with the icepack and gently held it to his face and he sighed in relief. “Thank you angel” He said softly. I paused the song before it could start the next one without Sadie here and kissed his forehead. 

“Of course sweets, I’m gonna get dressed mm?” I said and he hummed in agreement, taking the icepack and holding it to himself, laying back on the bed and sighing softly to himself. 

“So do you have a special Taylor outfit too baby?” he asked as I opened my closet. I smiled a bit, looking through it.

“Kinda- I’m gonna wear my Folklore cardigan” I took it out and tossed it on the bed and he looks at it carefully, dragging his finger over the embroidered stars “Cause that’s what Sadie’s wearin’ so were gonna match” I said and speak of the devil, I heard the door open.

“In here! He’s already up, Oh my god!! ‘My husbands cheating I wanna kill him?!’ Bitch this albums gonna be insane” I called out to herand she came to the bedroom, baring a tray of coffees.

“Stop it’s been on repeat since last night for me, It’s so good!! Hey Carm” she greeted him and goes over, setting the tray on the nightstand and handing him the only hot coffee in the tray.

“Oh-Uh, thanks…” He said shyly. He still hadn’t been able to be out of his shell fully unless it was just us, but he was slowly getting there. His eyes slightly widen as I started stripping and putting on a fresh pair of panties and a bra while Sadie and I continued casually talking.

“Oh the first part about being sent away- literally us” I said causing us both to laugh as I hit play on the song again. 

“First thing I thought when I heard it, oh are we twinning?! Cuutee!!” She said excitedly with a smile.

“So…you just look at eachothers tits?” Carm asked bluntly and Sadie and I both laugh.

“No- weirdo- shes just changing i’m not staring at her. You don’t change in front of your dude friends?” she asked and he shook his head.

“You’ve never changed in front of other dudes?” she asked to which he shook his head again lightly as he held the icepack to his cheek.

“He didn’t play any sports bug” I told her as I jumped and wiggled into my jeans before buttoning them. 

“Ahhh- ok. That tracks, when did you graduate?” she asked him.

“High- High School? Er…” he asked, looking at me nervously before looking back at her. If she’d been a stranger I’d willingly save him from the discomfort of being asked about himself - but it’s healthy for him to branch out and talk to people since he refused to do it himself, and Sadie was more then safe for him to try that with.

“Yeah! I went to Gage Park and graduated in 2012 - same year as Win” she nodded 

“Oh- uh..no I um… I went to Foreman and graduated in 2011” he replied and took a sip of his coffee. “How’d you know?” he motioned to the cup and she shrugged with a smile

“If I said i’m a coffee psychic i’m not sure you’d believe me, your lovely pooh bear has your order memorized,” she said and I rolled my eyes, putting on my deodorant with a small smile.

 “It’d be more impressive if he remembered my order since his is literally just sugar” I said and Sadie grabbed my cup from the nightstand, covering the sticker.

“Boyfriend test! What’s her coffee order?” she teased him and I looked over at him raising my eyebrows playfully.

“Here’s your real test of love” I joked, slipping my cardigan on and grabbing my hairbrush, beginning to detangle my rats nest from not tying it up before I went to sleep. 

He rolled his eyes playfully. “Iced americano, with shots in it depending on how tired she is- and then add vanilla, and extra light with the oatmilk shit, and extra of the cold foam stuff on the top - and cinnamon” he said and Sadie raised her eyebrows in surprise, looking over at me.

“Trained ‘em well” she said and I laughed, pausing my hairbrushing to come give him a well deserved kiss.

“Do I love you yet?” he joked and I giggle, pinching his bicep playfully. 

“Remembered the cinnamon huh?” I kiss the tip of his nose and he pats my bum gently. 

“Yes- can we please turn on the next song now? We’ve heard it 50 times now babe” He asked and I laugh a bit. 

“More like less then 10, but ok lover because I don’t want you sick of us just yet” I hit skip to start playing the next song which was the title track as I sat at my vanity and finished brushing my hair. Sadie came up and put my coffee on the vanity for me, going over to my perfumes and smelling various ones as we listened. 

Came the part of the song where the lyrics were ‘I scratch your head, you fall asleep - like a tattooed golden retriever’ and Sadie and I stared at eachother for a moment before looking at Carmen, then back to eachother and cracking up. She had witnessed many times now when we’d have little dinner party’s with he and Syd when they insisted on cooking for us and showing us a new recipe, he’d work himself so hard that sitting on the couch after everything had been cleaned up when I was gently playing with his hair he’d fall asleep in my lap and miss them leaving. 

“Hey- What! What’s funny?” he asked, not even realizing the lyrics we were laughing at, not having been paying attention like we were and he puts his coffee down. “Tell me! Tell me what did I do?” He whined a bit with a slight pout, how he usually did when he realized he’d missed a joke and I laughed at his adorable childlike tiny tantrum.

“Nothin’ - Taylor had a little tattooed golden retriever too I guess” I shrugged and he put the icepack down, confused. 

“Hell��s that mean?” he asked and came over to me, watching as I put on my eyeliner. 

“It means you’re cute and have nice energy, baby” I said before resuming to carefully draw a sharp wing.

“Mm” he grumbled how he did when he didn’t understand me but was just deciding to let it go. “How long will this take? I wanted you t’try that sauce i’m makin’ when we get back” he kissed the top of my head lightly as I paused to shake the pen so more ink would go to the tip.

“Not long, Bear. We’ll be back with plenty of time to try your sauce, yeah? Go shower baby” I said, leaning into the mirror as I start my other eye. 

“Kay…y’look pretty” he said softly and rested his hand on the desk, leaning. I smiled a bit 

“Thank you, you’re hovering, lovey. Did you want a kiss?” I puckered my lips and his cheeks redden in response as he leans down and kisses my lips. 

“Thank you” he muttered 

“Baby you can ask me for loves when Sadies here, shes not gonna judge you” I assured him and she looks up from her phone.

“What?” she replied, clearly not having paid attention. 

“See” I assure him and rub his chest just above his belly gently. “Make sure you dont let your face hit the hot water ok lovey?” I ask and he nodded a bit. It was more than clear that last nights events were causing him to be much clingier and wanting of physical touch which was more then normal after something like that, especially for him. The last time he’d had a big blowout fight with his mom, he’d not even wanted me to go to the bathroom alone - his mind was absolutely a prison in times like this, and me being near made it easier to manage. 

“Mm i’ll be careful” he said and went to the bathroom, shutting the door since Sadie was here and preoccupying Sephy so she wouldn’t feel the need to go and scratch.

“So…How was like- after” Sadie asked when she heard the water start. I cleared my throat, nervously stretching my back and shaking my eyeliner pen some more. 

“Not much. He’s not a talker, made sure he knew I was here. He cried a little, it’s better then nothing. He’s seeing his therapist.” I told her and she nods a bit, looking at me in the mirror. 

“His sister was a mess too, like- her husband had to drop her kids off at his parents house so they wouldnt see the rest of it. She kinda bitched me out when I opened the laundry room by mistake, Syd said she didn’t mean it, though” she picked at her nails nervously.

“She didn’t, Sadie. Natalie really is one of the nicest people. His family is just…” I sighed. “She said it was like this before their brother, but- now its like…no love left. Like he was the main string that tied the family all together and now that he’s gone- it’s impossible to be together. My therapist says that a tragedy like that either breaks a family or brings them closer together- Chris broke mine too, so I don’t blame them. I wasn’t strong enough - er…my family wasn’t strong enough, either.” I explained and she shook her head.

“No way, Win. You’re so strong, and so, so smart. It wasn’t your job- it was your familys job.” She said and I sighed softly, finishing up my eyeliner. I wanted to believe her - but something in me couldn’t help but feel weak at the fact I had no family left that bothered to speak to me other then my Grandma, and I had Carmy and his family right in front of me in dire need of help and I’m not even the one hurting this time- and I still cant save him from them. 

I’m pulled from my thoughts by Carm’s phone ringing - “Hand it please” I requested since Sadie was laying on my side of the bed, she leaned over and grabbed the phone before reaching out to me and handing it over. 

Natalie's name flashed on the screen and I slid it, to answer putting the phone to my ear.  “Carmy? Mom had a seizure last night apparently- uh…they’re saying she has some…some- disease from drinking? Please- how fast can you get here? I really don’t wanna do this by myself…”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⋘ 𝐖𝐈𝐏 ♡♡♡ ⋙

[the-sun3008]

Imported from my ao3 account. This is some smut about Donna from Resident Lover. I have never played a actual resident evil game. have fun.

————————————

You lazily tap your fingers against the front desk of the flower shop. Today had been slow, almost too slow for comfort. Usually at least 3 or 4 people come in every few hours, but today has been desolate. Only one person wandered in, and then left pretty quickly.

Your thoughts about the slow day are interrupted by the soft creaking of the door to the nursery opening. Before you can turn around, Donna is already right behind you, placing her hands on your hips and gently rubbing circles into your skin. She still has her gloves on, and you can already see the smudges of dirt on your uniform. Not that either of you care.

She puts her head on your shoulder and whispers to you in her typical soft-spoken and lovely voice. “Since nobody’s come in today…” She pauses before continuing, her hands squeezing your thighs softly, making you squeak in both embarrassment and pleasure. “Why don’t you flip the sign to closed, and let’s take the day to ourselves.”

You’re not one to protest a day with Donna. You gently slide out of her grasp, which she pouts at, but lets you go. You walk over to the front door of the shop. You close it, lock it, and then flip the sign from “open” to “closed.”

You don’t even get to walk back, as Donna grabs your wrist right after you flip the sign and pulls you back into the nursery faster than you can really process what’s happening. She closes the door behind you both and smiles at you with a… almost malicious look in her eyes. It’s both scary and attractive. She pushes you up against the nursery door, and you hear the small click of the door locking.

She puts her hands on your sides. Her mouth pushes up against your ear, and she whispers to you. “I have something I want to try… Trust me for a bit.” Her voice is soft, like normal, but there’s something else under it. Excitement, and maybe even possessiveness.

She pulls you further into the nursery. You find yourself in a section that you rarely go into. Plants with strange grape-like berries fill one large shelf to your right. It’s not a plant you recognise- it must be quite exotic. The wall to your left is lined with thick, thorny vines.

Donna plucks one of the berries off of the plants to your right. She looks at it for a moment, and then smiles. She moves closer to you and gives you a gentle kiss on the forehead, before pressing the berry to your lips.

She speaks with a tone you can’t quite place. “Eat it.” You consider questioning for a moment, but that slight glare in her eyes and the unusual tone make you think better of questioning her. You part your lips, and she slides the berry into your mouth. Part of her glove presses against your teeth as she lets the berry fall onto your tongue.

You look at her for a moment, and she nods in encouragement. The berry has the texture of a grape, and tastes like one when you bite into it. It melts in your mouth, and you smile softly as you eat it. Is this some sort of weird grape? It tastes good. Really good. Juicy, but not overly sweet. It almost has a warm taste.

Then it hits you. Right after you swallow it, a wave of warmth shocks your body, making you gasp softly and immediately start blushing. You can feel a certain warmth building in your crotch. You try to ignore the feeling, but can’t. Your whole body feels times more sensitive, even your clothes make you shiver and whimper as you try and stand still.

You open your lips and try to speak. “W-What did you g-give m-“ Donna wraps her arms around you and forces her lips onto yours. Your head spins and you can barely think. It feels so good… her hands, her lips, all of it. Your vision spins and you moan into her mouth as she continues pressing her lips into hers. Your back feels like it’s on fire as she squeezes into it with her gloves. You instinctively cling onto her, desperate for some sort of support as your vision blurs and your legs start to fail you.

She supports your weight and leads you to the ground, laying you on the floor as an intense, pleasureable warmth consumes your body. Fire erupts on your skin everywhere she touches. Need takes over you as the warmth between your legs grows and grows. The concrete floor of the nursery is extremely cold, but somehow it makes you whimper and moan softly as you lay on it.

Donna is smiling down at you as she sits down next to your head- which is now laying just in front of the thick, thorny vine plants you noticed before. She puts her hands around your waist and grabs the ends of your shirt. Dust falls off her gloves and onto your clothes, but you can barely pay attention to anything except her. Your shirt is removed within moments, and your pants follow suit, forming a small pile next to you. She smiles even wider at your mostly exposed body.

She grabs your wrists, and brings them together above your head. She frowns and looks around, before smiling at the thorny plants. She speaks, and her voice makes your body shudder again. “This might hurt… We’ll clean you up after, Doceletta.” She takes the vines of the plant and wraps it around your wrists, and binds them tightly. The thorns dig into your wrists, making you moan desperately. It hurts, it hurts a lot… but god, it feels so good. The way she’s looking at you feels so good too. She moves her still-gloved hands down your body, starting at your shoulders and moving downwards until she reaches your chest. Every inch she touches feels so good. You try to move closer, to get her to touch you more, but the squirming only makes the thorns dig into your wrists harder. Blood trickles down your arms. She gently circles your breasts with her hands.

She moves her hands to your back, following the straps of your bra. She gingerly unclasps it and removes your bra, adding it to the pile. She then moves her hands back to your breasts. She places the palms of her gloves against your chest, and the simple movement alone is enough to make you moan with need. She wraps her fingers around your breasts, her dark gloves pressing into the sensitive and soft flesh. She squeezes into the skin, each finger creating a deep indent into your breasts. You moan needily, desperately, trying to push for just a little more contact. It never comes, though, as she retracts her hands from your chest and moves herself down your body.

She spreads your legs apart, and sits between them. Your vision is still blurry, but the slight lull in her actions is enough for you to finally think again. You blink several times, and look down at her. She’s sitting between your legs, gently drawing circles into your stomach. You twitch slightly at the action, but nothing like the fiery need from before.

She frowns, and climbs over your body, placing her hands on either side of your head. She speaks softly and with a slightly nervous tone. “A-Ah. I thought it would… last longer…” She smiles nervously, clearly waiting for you to be angry with her.

But instead, you smile dumbly up at her. Even though you’re bleeding out of your hands and wrists, and you’re mostly naked on the floor of the nursery… you enjoyed it. It would be nice if she told you before drugging you, though.

You speak up after several moments of awkward silence. “Can I have another one?”

She seems a little taken aback, but smiles, and gets up. She dusts off her gloves, and walks over to another one of the plants she had taken the berry from earlier. She picks one off, and moves back to sit beside your head. She gently presses it up to your lips- and without needing further instruction, you open your mouth. The berry falls in, and you chew into it, then swallow it. At first, nothing happens. Then a wave of heat permeates your body, even more intense than with the first one. You let out a soft moan at the feeling.

You start rubbing your thighs together. You moan a little louder, desperate for more contact. You know you’d be fucking yourself if your hands weren’t tied.

Donna giggles at your desperation. She grabs your ankles and pushes your legs apart, making room for her to sit between your legs. She leans down and places a kiss in your stomach, just above your panties. You moan loudly and try to move closer to her- but are held back by the painful feeling of thorns digging into your hands. She’s the only one in control here.

She pulls your panties down, and with some difficult movement, takes them off of you entirely. She speaks again, her voice a little less soft, and her tone much more lustful than you’ve ever heard it. “Should I keep the gloves on?” She asks, gesturing at the dark gardening gloves around her hands.

You nod yes.

She smiles.

She turns her hand so that her palm is pressing against the top part of your crotch. You whimper at the motion, and she takes that sound as encouragement. She gently pushes one of her fingers inside you. The feeling is incredible- it leaves you a moaning, squirming mess within seconds. The glove around her hand makes it feel even better. The leathery material feels so good inside you. Just when you think you’ve finally adjusted to the one, she pushes another finger inside you, and curls them both slowly.

She starts pushing them in and out of you. Your vision blurs again and the only thing you could ever think about feeling is how she’s using your body right now. She fingers you relentlessly, leaving you a moaning mess at her mercy. At some point, she leans in and starts kissing your chest up and down. Not that you would really notice as she brings you up further and further into a desperate pleasure. You grind against her fingers, practically begging her for more. Even though moving at all causes the thorns around your wrists to dig in deeper, you couldn’t care less. Her fingers are all that matter to you right now. You keep repeating her name in your moans, trying to beg her for more but failing as you can’t get more than her name out through the gasping moans.

Soon, you close your eyes and moan louder than ever, leaving you completely gasping and breathless as she brings you to the best orgasm of your life. You feel your whole body go limp. Your head tilts to the side. Some drool falls out of your mouth as she continues gently rocking her fingers inside of you. Several waves of pleasure and tension come in and out of your body. Donna’s gentle use of your body brings you through all of them.

Eventually, you pass out on the floor like that. Used, arms bloodied, and drooling.

The last thing you remember of that night is Donna’s small smile as she unties the vines around your wrists, and starts bandaging them up.

[that-sea-sponge]

Don't Read My Mind

I'm having some thoughts about this panel. This one line in particular. It comes from Titans(2016) - #19. The Titans were trying to help Donna and shit went sideways so the Justice League shows up to shut them down. Wally's power is fritzy and Donna's not herself at the moment. Batman has started to question Dick's leadership in front of the entire team and Dick walks away. Then there is this throw away line from Batman "Don't Read My Mind".

Why not, Batman? What would she find out about you that you don't want Dick to know? First of all, isn't it already established that Batman can block mind reading efforts - unless he's super distressed. Context clues want the reader to think that this is Batman being Batman, but it's something else entirely.

He's afraid. He's worried that this is the time he's pushed too far. He's here insisting that Dick shut down the Titans, the ONE thing that Dick has put passion into beyond his own career. One of the major, original sources of conflict between the two of them was Robin choosing the Titans over Batman, in Bruce's mind at least. He could lose Dick, again, over this. Nightwing doesn't walk away when Batman is speaking. Nightwing stops when Batman calls to him. Dick isn't being the good soldier this time.

Truthfully, Batman knows that while Dick's team dropped the ball optically, they did the right thing by helping a friend and that the Justice League would've made the same calls. No one would have dared call them on it, either, despite the genuine risk to the greater population. He can't say that. What he can say is, what he says on the next page. It's hard to run a team of demi-gods. Optics are important, results be damned. Dick soon asks "Have I disappointed you?" and Batman says nothing. In Dick's mind, he's despairing. He failed Bruce again. He failed his team, he failed in front of his heroes. He isn't good enough to do what he does at the scale that he wants to do it on - the Titans will never be good enough. He failed everyone. Again.

Batman isn't disappointed. Batman is glad Dick stopped to listen to him just one more time. Batman is glad Dick heard what he was saying, but more glad that Dick stopped. This time, he stopped walking away. He didn't disappear off the face of the Earth to re-emerge as someone else. Batman doesn't want the mind reader to tell Dick the truth: He's terrified that Dick will leave him again. Dick is in the right here, even if he took some chances. His team was in the right.

Trouble is, Dick has to be better than right. Nightwing has to do it cleaner than anyone else. He has to be more transparent than anyone. Someone is going to have to be able to call the League on their bullshit. That will be Nightwing, but first he's got to do it by the book every time, feelings and loyalty be damned. In Bruce's mind, the very first loyalty damned will be Nightwing's loyalty to Batman. Someday. He'll push too far and Dick will use the ethics / standards Bruce impressed on him since he was eight and disappear forever. Just not today, it seems. Look at the art for a second. Bruce and Dick only see each other obscured by shadows. Really their logos, their professional identities, are the only thing they see of each other at this point. Nightwing is turned, storming away from Batman. It isn't until Batman calls Nightwing by his real name that they start to see each other. Now it's Bruce and Dick in the light. If that is not symbolic of a whole hell of a lot between them and their personalities, I don't know what is.

[paleprincessturtle]

Snuff

Author’s Note: Hello ladies, greetings. It's my first time writing Harvey's fanfic. Soooooo, I’m a nervous wreck, not to mention that English isn’t my first language. But well, here goes nothing. Tell me what you think! Happy reading and thank you :)

Pairing: Harvey Specter x Female Character Word Count: 1768 Warnings: Few curse words, mention of pregnancy loss

The clacking of her heels echoed loudly through the buzzing hallway filled with muffled conversations. She nodded curtly at Donna who gave her a confused look. She swung the glass door to Harvey’s office with so much force that Donna was sure it might fly out of its hinges, the glass door closed as soon as it was opened. Donna raised her eyebrows in confusion and hoped that Harvey didn’t turn off the intercom the second she stepped in. Donna just shook her head and went back to the tasks at hand. —----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“How dare you?” She tried to sound as calm as she could, but Harvey could hear how pissed the woman in front of him felt from miles away. “A “Good morning, darling. I’m so sorry I left so early this morning. Work being hectic” should suffice,” Harvey said without even looking up from the document on his desk. “Don’t play smart with me. What the fuck is this?” She slid the blue folder to his desk. He calmly opened the folder, knowing damn well the content of it, but still, he pretended to flip over the documents in his hands. He couldn’t afford to look panic in front of her right now. “How fucking dare you, Harvey” This time, instead of talking in a calm poised but reeking with anger, her voice came out above a whisper. He finally looked up at her for the first time since she walked into his office. “Baby..” Harvey was about to reason with her when she raised her arm. “Don’t baby me. This whole damn city knows how much you hate it when people sniff around your case but you..” before she can even finish herself, Harvey stood up “I wasn’t sniffing around your case. It was a mere help. You are struggling, I’m helping. What’s the harm in that?” Harvey rounded his desk and stood in front of her, trying to get her to see his reasons. “Yes yes yes, I am struggling but I don’t need your help. You’re not even signed to this case with me. It’s my case. My first case since I got back. You just can’t help yourself making this about you, can’t you?” Harvey was taken aback by what she said. Her face was red and her voice wavered. Harvey cursed himself. “It’s not about me, it’s about helping you in this case. Can’t I help you?” Harvey took another step closer to her. “Again Harvey, the help I don’t fucking need! And don’t make it look like I don’t know how you get that evidence. We know damn well how you get that and I don’t want it near my case. I will ask you if I do need your help, won’t I?” This time, it’s her who took another step closer to Harvey. They stood nose-to-nose now. “You don’t know how hard I have been working my ass off to get where I am right now. Haven’t you heard, Harvey? What people called me? Spare Specter. And this, what you did around my case, seemingly just proved that I am indeed a Spare Specter.” She pointed her well-manicured finger to his chest. Harvey was about to open his mouth when she said “Don’t you dare sniff around my case or ask anyone in God’s green earth about my case or so help me God.” She turned around, leaving a very much bamboozled Harvey. It took Harvey a few seconds before he tried to chase her. 5 long strides later and he grabbed her forearm. He spun her only to see full anger in her eyes “Let go of me or I’ll scream bloody murder, Harvey. I have work to do.” With that, she yanked her hand and walked away with the same loud clacking of her red sole. Harvey watched with his brows drawn together, lips forming thin lines. “What the hell was that?” Donna stood up from her chair and tried to get Harvey’s attention. Harvey looked at Donna with the same expression and motioned her to follow him to his office. —----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“She knew that I planted new eye-opening evidence on her case,” Harvey said as he poured himself two fingers. “And she never asked for your help,” Donna said as she carefully watched Harvey. He gave her a small nod and Donna sighed. “No wonder she looked like she was about to burn this place down.” Donna chuckled to provoke any reaction from Harvey. He just looked at her with a pensive look. “Do you know that people have been calling her Spare Specter?” Donna looked surprised that Harvey knew about this. She made sure that it didn't reach her boss’ ears, unless… “Between our wedding and then we lost our baby and us moving house and this case.” Harvey ran his hands over his face and sighed. “When she was my associate, I made her work very hard. I made her stay the night here over complicated cases. I was ruthless with her but now she’s my wife. The fact that we just lost a baby, the doctor told her to take at least 2 months off, and Jessica backed up what the doctor recommended. But look where she is now, after only what? 3 weeks off?” Harvey sighed again and rubbed his temple. He looked at Donna “I can’t see her like this, Donna. This case is wearing her out.” Donna gave her a sympathetic look. “I get where you’re going, Harvey. But you are right about her being called Spare Specter. She made me swear not to let it reach your ears. And I’m sorry that I’ve been keeping this away from you. But if she needs your help, she’ll come to you. It wasn’t an easy road for her to be where she is right now and certainly not an easy road for her to keep where she is right now. This is her way of grieving your baby, Harvey. Your way is also the same as hers, drown yourself in work. Instead of meddling in her case, just ask her what she needs you to do.” Harvey nodded weakly and Donna’s words. “I’ll come to her now, I’ll bring her home and take the rest of the day off.” Donna sighed, she thought Harvey understands. “Let her work. Drop lunch at her office later today, and leave her the hell alone for the rest of the day. She’s pissed. If you say or do anything, she’ll be even more pissed.” Harvey nodded again and seemingly will take Donna’s advice. “I’ll order the oyster chowder and garlic bread she likes.” Harvey nodded again and thanked Donna before sending her out of his office. —----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Here, steaming hot,” Donna said as she placed the food on Harvey’s desk. Like a man on a mission, Harvey tried to walk with confidence. He realized he hadn't even said sorry to her for what he did. He was so sure he was in the right that he didn’t prepare himself to apologize. He knocked on her office door, earning a glance from his wife. He invited himself in and walked cautiously inside. “I bought lunch for you since I know you won't go out for lunch.” Harvey placed the food on her coffee table, earning another glance. But all heard from the office was the sound of nails on the keyboard of her laptop. “I should’ve said sorry earlier, but I was too proud. So I’m sorry, I am. I didn’t mean to make you look weak or anything, honey. You’re a great lawyer, everyone thinks otherwise must be not right in their heads.” Harvey put his hands in his pants pocket in front of her desk, this time earning nothing from his wife. “Please eat your lunch. I don’t want you to get sick and how will you work if you’re sick, right? I love you and I’m sorry.” Harvey leaned his body to kiss his wife’s head and turned to leave her office. He closed the glass door behind him and stole another glance at his laser-focused wife. —---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Harvey closed his laptop and looked at his watch. His eyebrows raised in surprise. 10.15 already? He looked outside and it looked quite dark. Where in the world is his wife, he thought to himself. If she went home already, Ray must’ve informed him. So she must still be here. Harvey packed his things, turned all the lights in his office, and marched to his wife’s. The door was surprisingly opened. He cleared his throat and sat on the chair opposite her wife. “It’s late, baby. Let’s go home.” Harvey tried to sound as gentle as possible. “You go home yourself and send Ray back here for me. Or I’ll just call a cab.” She said absentmindedly and Harvey ran a tired finger through his not-so-perfect hair now at this hour. He stood up and she expected him to leave. But instead, Harvey rounded her desk and squatted next to her chair. He swiveled her chair so now they’re facing each other. Harvey took her wife’s hands on him. “Now look at me, gorgeous.” She sighed and gave up. “I’m sorry for what I did. I didn’t know what people were calling you, and those are false accusations. You are a great lawyer and Heaven knows how proud I am of the lawyer you become today. When you were under my tutelage, I tried my best to shape you. But now you’re my wife, we just lost our baby..” Harvey paused and kissed her hands oh-so-softly “I just don’t have a heart to see you struggle after witnessing you in pain for the loss of our baby.” Harvey swore he felt like he was about to cry, right there, and then when he saw the forlorn look on his wife’s face. “I swear, it won’t happen again. Unless you ask for my help then I won’t interfere. Nor will I send someone to interfere with your case without your command. I’m sorry, gorgeous. You are a great lawyer and I’m so proud of you. You’re making your name.” Harvey moved to stand on his knees now, holding his wife’s face gently in his hand before placing a warm kiss on her lips. “Am I forgiven?” Harvey asked as he stroked her cheek. “But can I get cinnamon rolls tomorrow?” Harvey felt like the weight of the universe had just been lifted off his chest when he saw his wife smile for the first time today. “I’ll buy you the whole damn bakery, gorgeous.”

MASTERLIST

[chaoticpallascat]

A defence of “I have no one”

When I first heard it my thought was also “but there’s Donna and Rose and Wilf and everyone now, in this exact time and this exact city, wasn’t that the whole point of the 60th?”

But then I realised, no, this is in no way minimising the The-Nobles-is-my-adopted-family plot.

Because he can say that when he still considers the Nobles family. He knows they are there, in that exact time, in that exact city, but his hands are tied. He can’t visit them as often as he wishes. Even for the Doctor crossing their own timeline is dangerous stuff, and doing that in London aka the biggest trouble magnet in the known universe is just to invite disaster. There might be a few times he could visit, but we know Donna - if she meets 15 she WILL tell 14. So any time 15 did visit, 14 will know. And 15 remembers 14 (as established in the Giggles), so 15 will remember. That means for 15, even if he could visit, there will alway be a count down. Every time he does visit, he is one time closer to his last. At the very least, he has to extremely careful when he visits, in order for everything to go according to his memory. If thats the case, I think it’s likely that, in his vulnerable times, 15 will feel like the Nobles are primarily 14’s family. Still HIS family, the Doctor’s family, but, you know, subtle differences.

So although“I have no one” was said after “you have the biggest family on Earth”, it doesn’t necessarily mean “I have no family Donna doesn’t count”. It can mean “You have a big family, that’s so sweet. That reminds me of mine. I thought Gallifrey was my family, but it isn’t. I also have the Nobles, but I can’t go to them anymore. So now here I am, all alone again. ” In other words, “I have no one” is not necessarily a juxtaposition to “you have the biggest family”, it’s an emotional response to it.

It’s the old sentiment, the most basic tragedy of the Doctor as a character, their loneliness. The Doctor makes friends, and then they drift apart, and now the Doctor has to go on on their own. They feel lonely, and think they have no one. That doesn’t mean they do not consider former companions friends anymore, they just presently literally have no one with them and they are allowed to feel pain for that.

But as heartbreaking it is there’s a silver lining. To be able to say that himself, not as a response to any question but right the moment as it occurred to him, to someone he has only just met (rather than, say, Wilf) is new. 15 is making an observation to his current situation and allowing himself to outwardly emotionally react to the weight of that observation. That weight being his whole existence. This is what I call therapy progress.

Oooor I might just be fanning too hard. I mean, 15. Ruby. I fucking love them and I WILL defend them XD.

[silentcrowsilentravens]

Omg that post where Donna's s/o smothers her face in kisses.. could i please get that with the other resident evil 8 ladies? And Jill maybe?

Yes. Absolutely.

Post referenced in the ask can be found here!

Daniela Dimitrescu, Bela Dimitrescu, Cassandra Dimitrescu, Alcina Dimitrescu, Mother Miranda, Mia Winters, Elena Lupu, and Jill Valentine with a s/o that likes to smother their faces in kisses.

(Gender neutral).

Warnings: n/a

Masterlists here!

Daniela Dimitrescu

She's such a sucker for this. You don't understand.

Dani already has a big grin on her face when you give her one (1) kiss on the cheek.

But you want to go back in for more?

You want to cover her whole face in kisses??

You’ve got her giggling like mad and smiling harder than before, which you didn't think possible.

Almost half of her body has dissolved into flies. She can't even properly maintain her form.

Please do that more. She will do it to you just as much as you do it to her.

Bela Dimitrescu

Bela is a noblewoman. She's a cold-blooded killer. She'll maintain her composure, of course. You aren't going to make her—

Oh?

Affection for Bela?? Lots of affection???

Damn it, she can’t maintain her poker face at all. She goes from having an almost smile on her face to a full-on one instantly.

Her cheeks become a tiny bit warm to the touch.

She's literally vibrating. Like a purring cat.

"Feeling affectionate, are we?" Once you're finished, Bela cups your jaw and presses a kiss against your lips in return.

Cassandra Dimitrescu

"What are you doing?"

Much like my cat when I go to kiss him on his little head, Cassandra has this ridiculously grumpy look on her face as you begin to shower her in affection.

She half-heartedly tries to push you away once before giving up. If she’s being honest, she doesn’t actually want you to stop. 

...She likes it. Cassie didn’t think she would. She didn't think she'd even let someone do something like this in the first place, but she likes it. 

Keep going. 

Alcina Dimitrescu

As she does with pretty much any affection you give her, Alcina soaks this stuff up. Just positively relishes it.

"Scumpete..." she says, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips

She fully leans into your touch.

If she's in a particularly good mood, you might get a bit of a chuckle out of her.

Might also just let you know if you left any part of her face tragically unkissed... Because frankly, that's just a crime.

Mother Miranda

Before you came around, receiving affection like this was something Mira was entirely unfamiliar with. Throughout pretty much all of her life, she's been the person everyone is afraid to make direct eye contact with, let alone initiate some form of physical touch.

(This is, of course, because she might rip their head off. Figuratively? Literally? Depends on her mood).

So when you start smothering her face in kisses, she just. Doesn't know what to do with herself. Her brain doesn't know how to process this. You're overwhelming her. In a good way.

"Mira? You alright?" you have to ask after you pull away because she's still as a statue.

She blinks a few times as she reenters this plane of existence.

You are welcome to do that again.

Mia Winters

Mia did not know how much she needed you to do this until you start doing it. It's an instant day improver.

She's fully melting into your touch.

Batteries she didn’t even realize were low are being recharged. 

She has her hands on top of where you have yours on the sides of her face.

For quite a while after, she has a grin on her face.

Elena Lupu

Elena is a tad flustered when you unexpectedly cradle her face in your hands, but then you start covering it in kisses and... hajakashhskshds. 

With every single kiss, her cheeks get a little more flushed. 

She says your name with a laugh lining her voice.

She tells you to stop without any seriousness whatsoever.

You better be prepared to be given the same treatment you gave Elena at some point in the day. 

Jill Valentine

Welp, Jill was kind of tired before you started giving her all these kisses. Not anymore!

She isn't too big on such intense displays of physical affection, but she can appreciate it every now and then.

Like right now.

She just...

Has her eyes closed. And there's a soft smile on her face.

[freddiemercurylegendabovelegends]

Today, on 28th January, 2011

Q Magazine published with Queen 16-page exclusive - May & Taylor Speak! / 'The Unseen Freddie'

Brian May interview (extract)

Who did you have most in common with when Queen first got together?

That’s complicated. We had quite a complex, sort of multi-way interaction. That’s why it worked, really. I was very close to Roger in some ways because we’d already been in a band together. We were – and we are – kind of brothers. We were so close in our aspirations and the way we looked at music, but of course so distant in so many other ways. Like any pair of brothers, we sort of loved and hated each other all along the line. In a way I was very close to Freddie, particularly in the songwriting area. Some of my best times were producing a vocal out of Freddie, sort of coaxing him in various directions.

Did calling the band Queen seem like a good idea to you?

I had reservations but it was very democratic. We had a list of suggested names and Queen had come from Freddie. One of the others was The Grand Dance, which I don’t think would have been very good. Freddie was very much a dandy in those day, Roger was as well. Everyone was into dressing up but it wasn’t an expression of sexuality, it was just an expression of freedom. The most fancy of the peacocks strutting around would get called queens. At the time I didn’t know Freddie was gay and I don’t know if he did either; I think that he was finding himself at that point. So we were aware of all the connotations of the word “queen”, of course, but in a way that was an attraction because part of what we stood for was freedom and equality, whether it’s racial or anything else.

Freddie’s moustache became a part of the band’s iconography. Did it make much of an impression on you at first?

If you want the truth, I think that the only significant thing was the music.

Would you say that how you each appeared in the video for 1984’s I Want To Break Free was an accurate reflection of your personalities?

Of course! Everybody thinks that was Freddie’s idea because it looks like something that he would love to do but it actually came from Roger’s girlfriend at the time, strangely enough. It was her idea to pastiche the Coronation Street women.

Was it her idea to have Roger dress up as a schoolgirl?

I think that was probably his idea [laughs].

Did you have any idea that Queen’s 1986 Knebworth show would be the last time that you all played live together?

No. Freddie said something like, “Oh I can’t f***ing do this any more”, but he normally said things like that at the end of a tour so I don’t think we took it seriously. “My whole body’s wracked with pain!”

Roger said that he never had a cross word with Freddie. Did you?

I never did either. I think that’s an odd juxtaposition with Freddie’s image of being a prima donna. Actually he was the great diplomat and if there were arguments between us Freddie usually was able to sort them out.

When you learned that Freddie was dying did you want to continue recording?

Yeah. He loved being in the studio and I think right up to the end that was his greatest escape. He was singing vocals when he couldn’t even stand. He’d prop himself up against the desk, knock a couple of vodkas down and go for it. The very last time we ever did that, me and him, was singing Mother Love, which is one of my favourite tracks on Made In Heaven. He never finished that. He said, “Oh Brian, I can’t do any more. I’m dying here” [laughs]. He never seemed to let it get him down.

Did you find those final sessions upsetting?

We developed such a great closeness as a band that they were actually quite joyful times. The thing is, there’s always a big element of disbelief. Yes, we knew the prognosis but I didn’t think we quite believed that it could happen to Freddie. He’s Freddie, after all. He’s invincible. So when the news finally came it was a real bolt from the blue.

Did you get to say goodbye to Freddie?

We were with him a lot in the final days but it wasn’t a question of saying goodbye, it was a question of just sharing a moment. I remember an occasion when he was lying in bed and he couldn’t see out into his garden very well. We were talking about his plants, which he loved. Actually Anita [Dobson, whom May married in 2000] and I were there. He said, “Guys, don’t feel like you have to entertain me. Just you being here is what’s important and I’m enjoying that.” So I think, in a way, that was him – amazingly – finding acceptance of the way things were. So, no, the word “goodbye” didn’t happen but we reached a very peaceful place.

Is it difficult for you because I’m thinking of Freddie Mercury, the great rock frontman, but to you, above all, he’s your deceased friend?

It is. One of my hardest moments was unveiling the statue of Freddie in Montreux [1996]. Obviously it’s a very nice tribute and the ceremony was very moving but I just suddenly became overcome by anger. I thought, “This is all that’s left of my friend and everybody’s thinking it’s normal and fabulous but it’s actually awful that I’m looking at a piece of bronze which is … [sighs] the image of my friend and my friend’s not here any more.”

What went through your mind when David Bowie started saying the Lord’s Prayer at the Freddie Mercury tribute concert?

What the f**k is he doing? [laughs] It hadn’t been rehearsed. I suppose it would have been nice if he had told us but maybe it was truly spontaneous. I never had that conversation with him afterwards.

When did you last see John Deacon?

Oh, a long time ago. He’s very private now and he communicates by emails when there’s a business discussion, but that’s it.

(➡️ source: brianmay.com website)

📸 In this pic: 1981 - Freddie Mercury posing

Photo by © Lord Snowdon

[behoright]

let us feel (love countdown series) l a. svechnikov

touching your face / how'd it take a long, long time to be here

summary: part 9! our couple spends their first night together as bf n gf!

wordcount: 4.3k

song: jupiter - donna missal

warnings: 18+! minors dni! contains smut n sexual situations!

a/n: much awaited! thank u for your patience! this is garbage but I'm doing my best! enjoy! love u! @ryanpulock aids w these fantasies so much sorry not sorry. @thejoeburrow @hoesforthecanes you guys have a special place in my heart.

✳︎ ₊˚ 𓂂 🛶 𓈒𝆬 ₊ ⟆

Andrei had officially turned into mush.

Or, at least, that’s what he felt like. 

He had stopped you both around 15 times on the way back to the restaurant just to kiss you more. He felt that he had to pinch himself every couple of steps. Having his arm around you just wasn’t enough; he wanted to feel your mouth on his again and again. So every couple steps, you were met with a goofy grin, slowly making its way towards your lips again. 

“I can finally do this, oh my god.”

He didn’t really have a plan on what to do when they got back with the group, but he didn’t care. He was too elated and giddy to bother entertaining anyone’s chirps or comments. 

Truly, all he really wanted was to be with you. Regardless of who or what was around you both. As long as he had the freedom to kiss you whenever he wanted, now that you were his.

You were able to sneak back into the restaurant mostly unseen, Andrei’s hand flat on your exposed lower back, guiding you to your seat.

“Oh, there you are. Where did you guys go?” Jordan questioned as you adjusted yourself to into your seat. 

“Uh, just needed some air. All good.” he said, sitting down. Thankfully, the dark lighting covered up how flustered you both were.

Neci kicked Andrei under the table as soon as you got distracted by a very curious Jarvy, who had some very poignant questions for you.

Andrei looked up at his friend, who gave him a subtle questioning look. The Russian couldn’t help but blush; he couldn’t even face his friend as a quiet chuckle escaped him, looking down at his lap. 

“Oh, man, really?” Martin whispered, dramatically leaning forward.

“Yeah, brother.” he said, a smirk plastered on his face. 

“Let’s fucking go.” Neci bounced in his seat, extending his hand over to his friend to congratulate him.

“What happened?” you asked, all the disarray calling your attention to them.

“Uh, what?” Andrei scrambled. As much as he tried, he knew he couldn’t get rid of the smile. “Nothing, nothing, baby. I tell you later.” 

The two teammates were surprised at how quickly you were satisfied with that answer as you turned back to Jarvy. 

“Baby?” Martin mouthed at Andrei, before making kissy noises toward him.

“Shut up!” he hissed, embarrassed. 

Before the two could cause any more ruckus, the ringing of Rod’s knife against his wine glass quieted the whole team.

“Okay, everyone. So what I want to do, is each player can introduce who they brought, and why they’re so special. Who wants to start?”

Andrei’s heart flipped in his chest. This whole trip everyone had chirped him, mortified him in front of you. He didn’t know if you actually didn’t care or if you were just being polite by shrugging all the comments off. Now that he had you, he couldn’t let this happen again. He had to take control of it, he thought. Andrei hyped himself up so much so that his body seemed to move on its own. He wasted no time in grabbing your hand as he stood up so drastically that he had to turn around and grab the chair to prevent it from falling backward. “Uh, okay, it seems like Svech wants to go first. Take it away, Andrei.” 

Seeing you wrap your arm around his waist so naturally made his heart beat even faster, so much that he thought he was going to explode, causing his introduction to come out a little too hurried. 

“Uh, this is my girlfriend Y/N and she’s my best friend and she’s amazing and I love her so much!” 

Andrei had crossed the line of a normal tone for a restaurant, basically shouting. He was lucky his voice didn’t crack as he formally presented you to everyone. The cheers that came subsequently became muffled in his ears as he swiftly turned around and brought his face, now burning hot, close to yours. It was almost comical the way his hands grabbed your face so intently, surprising you with the most grandiose kiss. He only let go to raise his fist in the air, leading his teammates to whistle and cheer even louder. 

He had never been so embarrassed in his life. The butterflies had taken over his whole system, throwing logic and any type of inhibitions out of the window. You looked up at him, your eyes gleaming back into his. He ran his thumbs over your rosy cheeks before hiding your face in his chest. You felt everyone’s eyes still on you as he helped you back down to your seats, planting a kiss on your forehead. 

“Okay, okay, thank you. Thank you, Andrei, for that wonderful introduction. Who’s next?” Rod shouted from his seat, shaking his head. 

Andrei didn’t hear anyone else’s speech, too close to you to even attempt to care. It happened, and he felt like his big secret was out. 

The nervousness immediately turned into excitement. 

You liked him. 

You actually liked him back. 

He could kiss you, touch you, and not worry about anything else. 

As most people around you were focused on the various introductions, Andrei didn’t waste one second, his eyes burning into you constantly. Whenever you’d turn to look at him, it would take him less than a second to bring his lips to yours. 

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for so fucking long.” he whispered, his fingers intertwined in your hair.

Your lipstick now a thing of the past, he was becoming addicted to the softness of your lips on his. He craved to be closer, to have his touch on you more. He didn’t hesitate to slip his tongue inside your mouth, even while surrounded by everyone. 

Thankfully for his teammates, there was an ice cream shop not too far away. 

They all opted for that instead of dessert - at this point, they all hoped to see Andrei’s lips focus on something that wasn’t you.

“I’m sorry” he chuckled while waiting for his cone. “I don’t know, I just, I can’t stop.” 

“Don’t apologize. This is all I want, Drei.” you whispered against his lips. 

The graze of your mouth against his and the tone of your voice caused a stir in Andrei’s pants.

Immediately. 

It didn’t help that you went back to kissing him, your tongue finding his once again. 

“You taste like strawberries.” he chuckled, feeling flustered. 

He facepalmed in his head. 

You taste like strawberries?

Idiot.

“Yeah? What flavor did you get, my love?” you said, still focused on his lips. 

The more pet names you called him, the more you ran your fingers through his hair, the harder it became to hide how hard he was becoming for you. 

The only thing that saved him from making a fool of himself again, or to be honest, from sliding his thighs in between your legs, was Tripp yelling at him.

“Svech! Your cone, brother!”

He realized then how little he had actually interacted with anyone else that night. He didn’t want to be rude, but there was something about having you there with him as his girl that kept him attached to you. He found himself struggling to grab his cone just because he didn’t want to let go of your waist. 

“Maybe we should go talk to some people, Svech.” you said. Like clockwork. It’s like you knew what he needed, what he was thinking about at all times.

“Yeah, I was thinking that.” he chuckled, placing another series of pecks on your lips. “I can’t kiss you that much with ice cream.”

His laugh came out a little too loud, his friends close by turning slightly, yanked from their conversations.

“What can you do, eh?” Tripp exclaimed to Rod. “Young love.” 

“Hey, lovebirds. Come sit here, come. Come socialize.” Burns waived over from his seat, his brother pulling up some chairs.

“We got caught, Drei.” you said, walking over to his friends with Andrei’s arm never leaving your shoulder. 

Not for that second, or for the rest of the night.

It wasn’t until you were in the hotel room that he moved his touch to your waist, keeping you steady as he kept you on his mouth. 

He didn’t know the time, or how long you stood there. It was hard to let you go.

You basically had to peel each other off to get ready for bed, the craziness of the day starting to grow on you more. 

“So, did you have a good night?” you asked, coming out of the bathroom in your pajamas.

Andrei was laying in bed already, splayed out with just a pair of sweatpants on. He couldn’t be happier that he could do this now; somehow, he felt even more comfortable now.

“You are kidding, right?” he laughed. “Come. I want to finally cuddle you.”

You bounced over to the bed, finding his embrace once more. 

You laid there, dumbfounded, sharing kisses and laughs and stories for god knows how long. 

It felt like you were making up lost time. 

All those times you had both held back, in fear of losing your friendships. 

It was all culminating now. 

He slowly rubbed your back, and yes, his hand was reaching lower and lower every time But it was still the first night, he thought, so eventually, it settled on your low (low) back. 

Now that he thought about it, all of Andrei’s past relationships had always begun with sex, except for that one girlfriend he had for 3 months in high school. The rest, he had fucked on the first night, every single time. Eventually, they all ended poorly. He knew you were going to be different, obviously, but he wasn’t going to push his luck either. He wanted you, badly, but he decided to wait until you were more comfortable. 

“Movie time?”

✳︎ ₊˚ 𓂂 🛶 𓈒𝆬 ₊ ⟆✳︎ ₊˚ 𓂂 🛶 𓈒𝆬 ₊ ⟆

Andrei watched the numbers change on the luminescent alarm that sat on the table. It had been long since the movie had ended, another random one now playing on the tv; long since you had drifted off in his arms, now sound asleep by his side.

It was funny, he thought, that he had gotten used to staying up late, his mind clouded by all the what-ifs that surrounded your then friendship. And now that he had you, finally resting peacefully in his embrace, he lay there in disbelief. 

It was all he had wanted, for a while. 

The missing puzzle piece. 

He had naively thought that when he finally confronted you with the truth, he’d feel better. But now he found himself wide awake, his body filled up with butterflies that he couldn’t settle down. The touch of your hair tickling his bicep, your smell, your touch. How easily you seemed to relax around him; all these little moments and things he kept running through in his head didn’t help him settle down one bit. 

He didn’t care.

He had a game to get back to the next day, and he was sure that he could have sustained himself just on this euphoric feeling. 

So he stayed up, just for a little longer, reminiscing on all the times you had spent together. And tonight. 

The most special night. 

He would only come back to earth to peer over, toss and turn to take another peek at you, adjust your hair so it wouldn’t tickle your nose, or position your cheek more on his shoulder so you were cozier, snug against him.

“Drei?”

Your quiet muttering yanked him out of his daydreams.

“Shh, all okay, baby. Go to sleep.”

Perhaps he had moved a little too much. 

He watched you scooch closer, resting more of you on his bare torso. 

“You awake?” you said, abruptly sitting up. 

“It’s all okay, baby. You need sleep.” he said, his hand finding the back of your head.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, your eyelids struggling to open.

Unfortunately, no answer followed, apart from a soft caress through your hair. 

“Andrei.”

“I don’t want to bother you, baby. Rest now.”

“Andrei. What is it?”

“Oh, I, I just can’t sleep.”

“No?”

“I’m just.” he said, staring off into space. “I’m so happy, Y/N. This is what I was missing.”

You smiled as he tucked your hair behind your ear. Now that your eyes were open, you noticed the way he looked surrounded by soft pillows and sheets was driving you insane. 

“I never thought this would happen.” you said, leaning over to peck him. 

“Oh, you say that? I didn’t even know you liked me!” he laughed. “You are very good at hiding it.”

“I didn’t think you would like me. Not like that.”

“Why you say that, baby?”

“I don’t know! It’s just…me, I guess.”

“That’s why I like you, Y/N. I don’t have to fake anything when I’m with you. I can just be…”

“Me.” you both said, in unison, before bursting out in a chuckle in each others’ arms before kissing, for the millionth time tonight.

“This actually has been happening a lot lately, you know?” he said, raising an eyebrow at you.  “I go sleep so late. Because of you. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Well, what do you usually do to fall asleep then?” you blushed.

“Nothing.” he shrugged.

“Nothing? At all?”

Andrei threw his head back into the pillows with a loud laugh. He looked down at you, his cheeks showing a thin veil of redness. 

“Agh, baby.” he muttered, his grip tightening around your shoulders. “I would, uh, usually jerk off.”

He had become so beet red that Andrei couldn’t dare to look at you. 

“Baby, why are you so embarrassed about it?”

His eyes rolled, sporting a huge smile. 

Baby.

He thought he’d never get used to it.

“I don’t know! I, don’t, uh, want to make you feel uncomfortable. Maybe it’s too early to talk about this, I don’t know.”

“What? No, no, I’m not uncomfortable. You don’t think I masturbate too?” you said, quietly.

“Oh, baby. Don’t say that to me right now.” Andrei almost moaned at the thought.

“Why not?”

“God, baby. If you make me think about that I-,I-. I don’t think I can take it.” he said. 

Andrei noticed the energy in the room change, your eyes now burning into him differently. 

He knew it was too late. All of a sudden, he realized how close your bodies actually were. 

He couldn’t hide it. His desire poking through his sweatpants and inevitably the sheets.

Silence fell in the room, now filled only with the murmuring of the AC.

“Do you need a hand, babe?” you asked, tentatively. 

“Uh, oh, I mean, baby, if, if you want.” Andrei could only mutter. 

The lust and embarrassment caused his chest to flush as usual, only this time it felt ten times as sheepish than usual. He began pulling the sheet up higher to hide it, but he was quickly stopped by your hand.

“You don’t want to? We don’t have to, babe.”

“No, no, I really, really want to.” he reassured.

“You don’t have to be nervous, you know? It’s just me.”

Andrei nodded. He was so flustered he literally wanted to hide under the covers like a kid. 

Yeah, it was just you. 

The only girl that had ever made him feel like this. 

You had no clue just how many nights he tossed and turned, wondering if you felt lonely in your bed too. On how many outings with you he had to tuck his erection away when he was around you. 

How many times he sat in his bed at night, mindlessly scrolling through porn videos, incognito and frustrated when nothing kept him hard; striving to think about another girl or any crazy night he had before. 

But the only thing that brought him to the edge was you. Just you.

Your warm hands reached over to the sheet, uncovering him again.

You gently grazed his chest, almost ias f he was too precious to fully touch. 

As soon as you came in contact with him, he noticed your breathing change, causing his cock to jolt against his sweats. You took your time moving each finger, with feather pressure, on his abdomen, one by one. Each one of your digits, slowly trickled down from his pecs, all the way down, touching each one of his abs. Your pinky shook as it was the last one to stay on his bare skin, your index now at the elastic bands of his pants. You turned to face him one more time, waiting for approval. Andrei’s gaze was fixated on your hands, almost hypnotized, his chest heaving strongly already. He gulped as you sat up on your knees, tilting your head at him. 

There it was again.

Those big, sparkling eyes. 

Only this time, your hands were waiting to take his clothes off. 

Finally.

Andrei nodded slowly, in a feeble attempt to keep himself from exploding already.

“Oh, Andrei.”

Andrei’s cock sprung out as soon as his sweatpants were past his hips. You tried your best not to stare, but it felt near impossible. His length exceeded way past his belly button, sitting swollen on top of his torso. 

Oh.

You couldn’t take your eyes off of him, doing your best at taking it all in. His head, now leaking on top of him as he slowly moved his hips up, his gaze never leaving yours.

“You do this to me. A lot.” he said, his breathing deepening as you took your finger to the underside of his cock.

You gave him a shy look, almost asking for consent, before Andrei nodded again.

You found the slit at the tip of his dick, gently rubbing and gathering precum and spreading it over him, feeling the veins that covered his cock.

“Baby, you’re driving me crazy.”

You bent over, taking your mouth to his length, which was now firmly in your grasp. Just as quickly as the wetness of your tongue enclosed the tip of his dick, Andrei quickly sat up, almost bolting. This didn’t stop you from applying more pressure with your lips as you slid down, the burst of salt from the precum that was covering him hitting the back of your throat almost immediately. Unfortunately, after maybe two or three bobs of your head, Andrei’s hand nudged at your shoulder. 

“Mmm, baby, I-”

“Did I do something wrong?” you asked, staring at the man sitting in front of you, who couldn’t even look at you, with his bottom lip tightly under his teeth. Was that a bead of  sweat on his forehead?

“No, no, no.” he said, hurriedly. “I, fuck, I won’t last.”

He reached towards your hand, wrapping his thick fingers around yours. He was so big that his hand ended up completely enveloping yours as he moved you up and down his cock. 

“Like that. Fuck, yes.”

You kept the motion going when he let go to balance himself again, your grip slowly getting tighter.

Andrei’s eyes trailed over you. Your red lips, agape, staring, mesmerized by how his cock was reacting to your touch. He noticed your chest respiring harder now, accompanied by a delicious thigh squeeze every now and then. 

“Can, can I touch you?”

“Please, Drei.”

His rough fingers felt like heaven as they started to rub over your pussy, still unfortunately covered by your shorts. It didn’t take long for his impatience, which was only being invigorated by your strokes, to take over. 

Andrei’s calloused fingertips slid past your shorts and panties, coming in touch with your damp folds.

“God, you are so fucking wet. It’s so hot, baby.”

“I’ve dreamed about this so long, Andrei.” you moaned, his digits rubbing you up and down.

“It-, it turned you on to do this?”

“Yeah, Drei. You turn me on, baby. You did this to me.”

He buckled his hips into your palm, letting a moan escape him. The last thing he wanted to do was to scare you off, or freak you out, but it was becoming hard to keep his pleasure under wraps when you were rubbing the head of his cock like that.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” he said. 

You lunged towards him as his index dipped inside you gently, slipping your tongue past him and muffling your moans into his mouth. 

“You’re being a tease.” you chuckled against his mouth.

“Yeah?” he said, with a smirk. “Like that?” 

He began to swirl his finger around your entrance, feeling the texture of your folds but never going inside you, making you shudder.

“Andrei.”

“Moan my name again, baby. Sound so amazing.”

“Andrei.” you moaned, dipping his fingertip just slightly, right at the edge.

“Again.”

“Drei.”

You slowed your actions, letting your thumb do most of the work on the underside of his cock while your fingers trailed around his head. Delightfully, this pulled another moan from Andrei, his abs contracting.

“I can play this game too, you know?” you whispered, lips still in contact with his.

“Oh, fuck.” he said, his pelvis twitching. “It feels s-, so good like that.”

Andrei's eyelids were squeezed shut, completely overwhelmed with the sensations in the room. Your panting and whimpering at his lips, the slow and torturing movements on his cock, swirling your hand in circles slowly; your juices dampening his fingers had his eyes completely shut in concentration.

He had to give in. He brought his other finger that was on your clit down and gently inserted them, finally getting to feel the warmth of your pussy wrapped around him. 

“Oh my god, Drei.”

“Yes, my love. Like that, yeah?”

You nodded, your head lolling forward until your foreheads touched.

“Keep going, yeah.” he coaxed.

Regardless of the AC, the room was getting damper and warmer with every single, painfully slow stroke you both applied to each other.

“A little faster, baby? You want?” he asked.

You both picked up the pace, your slick hand gripping his shaft tight as it went all the way down; at the same time, his thick fingers curled inside you and bega hitting your G-spot faster. 

Moaning in each other’s mouths, Andrei tried to scooch closer to you, as if you weren’t face to face already. He dared to move his free hand to your chest, feeling the tender flesh of your clothed breast in his hands. 

“Oh, fuck. I’ve, shit, dreamed about this so many times, baby.” he groaned, unable to keep quiet as you encouraged each others’ pace to quicken.

The faster both your hands moved, the closer Andrei would get, only moving his hand to push you closer to him, right before fondling your tits again. The relentless eye contact, unbroken this whole time, grew the desire building in Andrei’s chest, as well as his hips. Apart from your touch, your tongue dipping in his mouth in between moans, messily swapping spit, it was the idea of the whole situation that had his hips gravitating up to meet your thrusts. You were both wriggling uncontrollably, the sound of the sheets and the wetness of your contact harmonizing with the moans you were both failing at holding back. 

Andrei felt himself become more desperate as you moaned louder, more needy for him. He managed to finger you steadily, releasing more and more of you with every single touch, but at the same time apply toe-curling pleasure when he sped up. You could tell he was trying to control himself to a certain extent, giving himself away when he would groan or moan a little too loud after a kiss, or turn his grip on your breast into an accidental squeeze.

“Let go, babe.” you moaned right after he let your bottom lip go after another, countless heated kisses. The wet noises and rustling were loud enough to fill the room by now.

“Please don’t stop, please, please.” he almost begged, his voice now down a register.

“Right there, baby, please, Andrei.”

“Please cum with me. Can you do that?”

Your breaths hitched at the same time, right as you both crashed onto each other, bodies sweaty and crumbling in the extasis of your orgasm; Andrei’s load landing on his glistening chest and sheets just as you clenched and twitched around his fingers. You exchanged exhales and moans, Andrei’s groans reverbing on your trembling lips. Just like you came together, you came down together, in a feverish kiss. 

Andrei pulled back from you, letting his eyes stay shut before snapping them open to find yours sparkling into him. 

“Holy shit, baby.”

You kept your hands on each other for longer, as you breathed deeply right in front of each other, trying to decelerate your pace. 

You gave him one more kiss before hiding your face in his neck.

“You’re beautiful. You don’t ever need to hide.” he said, his lips caressing your earlobe.

“That was…” you muttered, placing kisses on his neck.

“...amazing, baby.” he finished. “Should we go clean up?” 

Before you could say anything, he picked you up, taking you to the bathroom. 

He had just cum, and still seeing you undress in front of him had him jolting immediately. As the shower warmed up, he towered over you, just as naked as you were, his tongue finding the newfound familiarity of your mouth again. He let his hands caress you all over, finally feel the warmth of your skin under his touch. 

You felt and held each other in the most nonsexual way possible, despite all the lust that you held inside. 

All good things in due time.

It wasn’t until he laid down in bed, with you at his side again, that Andrei felt a nonfamiliar feeling fill up his chest. He was now sleepy, yes, but it wasn’t that. 

Something had shifted within him. A fire, burning hard inside his belly. 

But not like usual. 

A fire that he would soon come to realize had started to burn harder, hotter, and much longer than he had ever experienced before. 

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

My Sydcarmy dream happy ending? Or Storer's?

This is the 1st time I actually envisioned a whole scene with music and all in my head. I always had the feeling that the end of the show is gonna be like the final scene of Braciole: All together, the found family, maybe at the restaurant, maybe not, and just having dinner and having a good time.

After that "vision" I had, I found out that Storer mentioned in a panel that food had always saved them as a family, he was talking about his own family. So I figured: OK so since the show he created, the whole Bear universe, revolves around food, that's gonna be the ending. I felt he kinda confirmed my "vision", my take, the one I had as soon as I finished watching S1. I could already see that ending and believe in it wholeheartedly. And it looked like that, but blurry, because it was just season 1, and even though I knew there was a S2 that I hadn't watched yet (watched it the next day, actually), the overthinker in me was already daydreaming about THE SHOW'S FINALE.

OK, cut to me obsessing about this show after watching S2, that IMO was even better than S1, which is VERY RARE nowadays on TV, and then me re-watching both seasons and dissecting them till the cows go home and then re-watching S2 only over and over to analyze every single layer of Sydcarmy as humanly possible, and literally cutting my working hours to have more time to do that LMAO! etc. So, I ended up noticing the whole script structure Storer (and Calo) came up with, it's Austenian. And at that point, I was already a Sydcarmy soldier, of course, but when I picked up on the Austenticity of it all I FUCKING FLIPPED OUT because that gave me hope. It meant that the Sydcarmy endgame I had in mind could very well happen seeing as it was IC and Austenian, and it fit the slow burn process I had already picked up on right after watching Braciole, as I mentioned HERE. It all made total sense. How will it happen exactly, IDK, I wish I did but Storer is diabolical and way better than me at plot twists, so I won't even try to guess, but I will put my trust in the Austenian arc he swears by.

Me growing up reading Austen (real footage):

For those who haven't read Jane Austen, her trademark is: taking something painful and making it beautiful, finding beauty in pain, and always building towards a happy ending and redemption arc for her main characters, unless she kills them first and if she does, we can be sure that death will serve the happy ending purpose anyway (AKA: Michael, Syd's mother and probably Cicero, I wanna believe Donna will live, but I'm on the fence about her, I do believe she will be redeemed after Nat's baby is born, either way), she will take that death and make it worthwhile and beautiful. She doesn't stand for unhappy endings, but she does include bittersweetness in the endgame of some of her characters, usually not the A ones, but the B ones. The Alphas usually get a relatively "clean happy ending". Relatively being the operative word and what we can ALWAYS expect no matter what, is a "teaching", a lesson learned by the main characters. They walk out of that story as new men/women after having learned that/those lesson/s. She does this. She slow burns romances left and right, kills characters off, takes losses and turns them into gains, and builds towards a happy ending. That's an Austenian structure right there. It's usually used in Romance movies, rarely seen on this kinda TV shows, but here we are. The Storer-Calo duo are giving us Austenian characters in a nutshell.

So, back to my point, I always had this take and wishful thinking even, but up until now, I was never able to actually envision a final scene that could be actually canonical. I mean, I could even fucking write the whole script of that whole final ep, line by line, for every character if they allowed me to. I have the music in mind, the outfits, the whole set, and the final take that faiths to black and reads THE END. And no, this is not just a wishful thinking list or prediction post, it's an actual argumentative outline about why I think The Bear’s series finale will look like the Happy version of Fishes:

And just because Carmy said this, I will take a wild guess, this is gonna be part of the menu:

He associated them with his, and I quote: "fucked up family life" end of quote. So he wanted to reversion them:

And Marcus, based on Sydcarmy's pointers, came up with The Michael Cannoli:

I am also assuming, Sydcarmy will be endgame because of the aforementioned reasons, but I'm not sure Storer will actually show it on camera, maybe just insinuate it, because we all know he is diabolical and also because that's how the original movie script turned into TV script ended before Storer knew The Bear was going to be picked up for a 2° season, he always had this ending in mind for The Bear, behold:

So what I'm saying is: We Sydcarmy truthers have an actual shot here. I also dive into this theory HERE but from a totally different angle.

This happy Sydcarmy endgame we want is at arms' reach.

Now I see it more clearly.

Who's with me?

@ciaonicole85 thanks for the inspo to write this post, it all came to mind when I saw yours.

[kendrixtermina]

Another thing where Chibnall fucked up is that unlike previous showrunners, he never really tried to sell us on the companions as important deuteragonists who have cool stories in their own right.

I mean the classics sometimes had the problem that they would come up with cool character concepts but then under-utilize them / not think of anything better to with them than having the villains kidnap them again, but still it was attempted to have them be interesting & contrasting, for example they would follow up a sour snarky character with a cheerful one.

And in the pre-chibnall new series in particular, they've always had distinctive dynamics planned-out arcs. You couldn't swap one new series companion for another & still get the same episode. They were damn near the main characters.

With most of the companions we've had so far you could say what they'll do if you throw them at a given situation:

Donna would stay grounded & look for the common sense solution, Rose would usually comfort someone who's upset & discover crucial info that way, Martha would keep a cool head, start trying to puzzle things out and try to help, Clara would take charge & try to get the situation under control, Amy would just charge into it based on intuition, Rory would remain unfazed, tag along but also point out the danger, Bill would be curious and voice some unusual question or observation...

What do Yaz, Graham, Ryan or Dan do? Mostly just make corny jokes & follow the Doctor around, defaulting to whatever she does... You could swap 90% of their lines with none the wiser cause it exists mostly to prompt exposition while failing to imbue it with meaning & stakes..

They rarely ever act of their own accord, make important, plot-changing decisions or even react much to what happens to them. Nor do they really get one on one scenes with the Doctor or bond emotionally (except Ryan and Graham, sometimes, in the stiffest, corniest way possible), and no just having the characters TELL us they like each other is no substitute.

And if the characters don't seem to care, well, the viewers won't care either.

Even the Yaz having a lesbian crush thing which you'd think would be a really big aspect of her character, was apparently a suggestion by Mandip & Whittaker themselves, which means that Chibs had absolutely no plan for his characters expect just being... there, until it was time for them to go. So little plan he could just throw in a major thing like that. I mean I'm glad he did cause else it would have been ever blander, but still.

You'd think that with a big group of characters you could flesh them out by having them disagree about what to do, play different roles and react in contrasting ways, but that idea never occurred to Chibnall.

Let's compare the introduction of the "fam" to... not even the new series, but the very first serial from the 60s. Some aspects of it seem dated in hindsight, I could've done without the screaming & the Red Indian line, but still all four main characters are distinctly established & make meaningful decisions. The story would not turn out the same without any of them present:

Barbara is introduced as being worried about a student & shown to be responsible & intuitive. She decides that they should check on Susan, and later that they should save the caveman rather than just escape, more or less setting the story in motion.

Ian is introduced as brave, unflappable and inquisitive. He's the one who proposes taking bold action, moving the plot forward, but he is also more calm about it the whole time & continues to do so in a scary unfamiliar situation.

The First Doctor is introduced giving nonsense answers and trying to bullshit his way out of a situation. We see that he is quite cocky & guarded, but also tends to think his way out of situation. While he tends to respond to fear & pressure by bluffing, we see that he is still frightened underneath. (it is when he admits this that we get the first bonding moment between him & Barbara) His contributions to the plot are to take off with the teachers on board (half to avoid being discovered & half cause he's offended they don't believe he had a spaceship), and then later he solves the caveman murder.

Susan is shown to be quite smart, but also very timid, and she describes her time hiding out on earth as the happiest in her life, showing that she would maybe prefer a quieter, more stable life than the one she leads. She's probably the most passive character, seeing as she's the youngest, but since she likes and trusts both the teachers and the Doctor, she's essential to keep the group together until everyone else starts trusting each other.

Note that at no point does anyone say "Ian is brave & unflappable" or "Barbara is responsible & intuitive", rather we are shown, not told.

Now, what are we told about the fam, and just as important, how are we told?

Yaz wants more challenges than her job offers. We are told this because she just states it out loud.

Ryan & Graham don't get along, but Graham would like them to. We know this because Graham explicitly tells us.

Ryan is frustrated because despite ppl's encouragement, his disability presents real limits. We know because he tells us so.

..okay? Kinda unsubtle delivery, but it's a start. All of this could have potential if it's developed more, especially the last thing. You could make interesting characters with these basic points.

But what happens then?

The plot is advanced not by character decisions, but by a bunch of random coincidences: The Doctor just crashes into them, Ryan just happens upon the onion, Yaz just happens to be on duty when he calls etc.

The main characters learn that they've been implanted with bombs... and barely react. Ryan reacts more when his phone is erased for the sake of a "phone obssessed millenial" joke than to learning he's about to die.

Imagine if they had Ryan complain about how he'll die & that is yet another unfair thing in his life, or: Graham chooses at this moment to act protective on Ryan. Or: Yaz tries to keep a cool head & control the situation, maybe having some friction with the Doctor's attempts to do the same but also impressing her. Just gimme any character/emotion, Chris!

Notice how they show Ryan having a youtube channel... and it's the blandest, most generic thing ever. This was THE opportunity to characterize him: What videos does he watch, what videos does he make, does he have a distinct username? No, it's just his name with some numbers. They just wanted the video framing device, so he has a youtube, but they don't think about what it says about him.

Remember for example, how Clara picked 'Oswin' as an username (short for Oswald for the Win), & how this shows that she is confident and a bit vain.

Now imagine if they had Ryan pick something with a relatable downtrodden millenial vibe, or had him reference internet culture. Just anything that characterizes him in any way.

When we get character scenes at all they feel sort of tacked on & removed from the plot, like the plot stops 5 minutes for Ryan & Graham to have a scene, and while the plot is happening everyone becomes a plank of wood walking from location to location.

That's the worst thing to do, especially in sci fi when you have wild fantastic things happening! The plot and the characters should always be connected: The plot is made to challenge the characters, and the characters reactions give the plot weight.

Any time a Dalek showed up in RTD's run, everyone panicked, even the normally level-headed characters - and that's how they sold that these pepperpots are a big deal. Donna being needed to save the universe is designed as a counterpoint to her self-esteem issues. Martha has a problem with prioritizing herself, so the plot throws her in taxing situations untill she realizes that she can't keep doing this.

We care about River meeting the Doctor out of order because she emotes about it. We would care much less about the puddle person if she wasn't Bill's girlfriend trying to keep her promise. We wouldn't care as much about the timecrack if it hadn't eaten Amy's fiancé. As phantastical as the impossible girl thing is, on the character level it has a pretty simple meaning: The Doctor owes clara a debt & wants to thank her but is also suspiciou cause he's jaded from past losses, and we then explore how his character responds to this situation.

In Chibnall's writing, this connection is absent, and so neither the plot nor the characters manage to really land emotionally. So much ppl stopped watching cause it was just bland flavorless & not exciting anymore.