#and did you not see a single thing weird with sending nearly 7 separate asks ALL ON ANON about neutral siblings art?

[solomons-poison]

Hi Tarren! I read (and re-read) your Geto Suguru + 7. 'Sharing a kiss after not seeing them for an extended period of time' and must say it elicited quite a bit of emotion from me. It cut deep and pulled quite a few tears from me lol 😅 Initially unexpected but then again I did request suguru who is the pinnacle of tragedy and with the upcoming episodes about him, I should have expected a heart ripping romance 😣

I honestly have been slacking on typing this feedback ask because life has been busy (as always 😌) but also because i was indecisive in articulating myself and whether to scale back or just come forward with some personal things that resonate with parts of your writing. Complaining about the cold and pumpkin spices are one thing but more serious things are another beast altogether 😟 In the end, I know it is a matter of comfort levels on both sides so I made sure to re check your pinned posts on both of your blogs before sending this so I wouldn't be crossing any of your boundary lines.

Basically, I related to this a lot. I know all too well the pain of being separated from a lover and being unsure if I would ever see them again only to give them as much love as I can when I am with them before being inevitably parted. It is one of the reasons I actually requested this in the first place. I had gone into this with love for suguru but also for another.

The moments you encapsulated stood out to me in multiple sentences from 'It probably should have been enough of a red flag for you to reject him when he tried to court you. But his levels of charisma were just too powerful' to 'It was just for a few days at a time, but when it happened, he was completly unreachable' to 'As days passed and he didn't show, didn't send you any kind of message, a feeling of dread formed a ball in your stomach, hard and heavy' to 'All you could do was keep moving, keep your mind occupied on anything but your missing lover, before you got overwhelmed with a thousand what-ifs' and finally 'putting on tv or music to fill up the space, make it feel a little less lonely'.

Overall, I am glad you didn't make him into kenjaku (i am never forgiving gege for pulling that on us I swear 😤 why couldn't he have just been a dude with a stitched forehead as either a weird tattoo or healing from a nearly fatal blow from satoru since he did not have shoko to heal him 😭) and I am impressed you were able to convey this all without a single line of dialogue 😮 I already thanked you in advance but I would like to thank you again for writing this. It means a lot to me and I hope that despite my vigilance to make note of your rules, I have not made you uncomfortable with my personal baggage. I noticed another fic with my name on it and I'm definitely coming back with another feedback ask after sleep and groceries 😏 (if you aren't sick of me yet 😖). In the meantime, I hope the rest of the day treats you kindly (as you have with surprising me with another gojo piece 😍)

You are always, ALWAYS appreciated for your feedback!!!!! It means a lot to me to hear people's thoughts on what I write. I don't want to sound egotistical, but at that risk, it's really nice having someone point out particular things I put in and how it impacted them, because as the author, of course it means so much to me that someone noticed. Or especially, that what I did worked as intended/had the impact that I was looking for. And thank you for taking the time to send me this response, too, when you're busy!

Yeah I am also not happy with the Kenjaku route that Gege took (not as in bad writing, but because poor Geto already went through so much and then now to have his body used like a puppet?? Is awful). I couldn't really think of a reason Geto would disappear for a while, which is why it ended up that angsty idea instead haha.

Like I just imagine knowing/loving Geto before he leaves, trying desperately to keep him there before he completely falls to the "dark side". You know that something is wrong, but you don't really know what you can do or how to help. It would just be heartbreaking watching him slowly leaving...

I'm glad I was able convey him! And no worries about it making me uncomfortable, I'll usually be pretty straightforward about what I don't like or isn't allowed, so if there ever is a problem, I'll just let you know. :) and the kiss requests were pretty generic in prompt, giving me a lot of freedom in choosing why you/the reader and Geto would be separated, so it was my fault that it ended up as sad as it did haha, you're not to blame.

And yes! I made a second post for Geto for you that has a much happier note haha, that I hope you like~ but no rush to read it, get your rest and errands, and I'll be awaiting your feedback~

[midnightsnyx]

Consequences - Matthew Tkachuk: part 7

summary: you absolutely hate Matthew Tkachuk so it’s just your luck when you wind up pregnant with his child.

a/n: we’re near the end! i hope you guys enjoy this part and thank you for reading <3

word count: 2.1k

warnings: none but FLUFF

Part 7

32 weeks

Ignoring tradition, you and Matt decided to have a single baby shower with everyone invited instead of a separate shower and a pamper party. It was more convenient for everyone and one party was less clean up, so bonus. What you weren’t expecting was for so many people to show up. You knew Matt had a big family but you didn’t think so many of them were invited. But, you did give Chantal and Taryn free reign to plan it so really, you shouldn’t be that surprised.

Most of his family was great and you get along with them wonderfully, especially some of his cousins who are around your age. But then there are the older women who are supposed to be mature, yet are giving you dirty looks and whispering things to each other.

It makes you self conscious because you know exactly the kind of things they are thinking and saying. It’s the exact same thing you’ve seen from some of Matt’s “fans”. Comments about how you got pregnant on purpose, and how it’s a shame now that Matt is stuck with you. You knew the comments were just people who were trying to get under your skin but knowing that some of his family and friends might be thinking the same was hurtful.  

You do your best to ignore it though and focus on the people who are actually nice to you, answering all the questions they have about potential baby names, what brands you’re using for the baby, and other purposeless things. But the feeling is always in the back of your mind so at one point, you slip into Matt’s bedroom so you can just breathe for a moment.

This, of course, just gives you more time to worry about what people are thinking about you and how they’re judging you and before you know it, you feel like you might cry.

Stupid hormones.

A knock on the door breaks you from your thoughts and you look up to see Matt standing there.

“Hey,” he says quietly, shutting the door behind him and walking over to sit next to you. “you disappeared.”

“Just needed a minute.” You tell him, hoping he doesn’t notice the way your voice cracks but the looks he gives you says you should know better by now.

“What’s going on inside your head?”

You shrug, not knowing how to explain without insulting his family. You don’t want him to think that you don’t like them, but you know he won’t leave you alone until you tell him why you’re upset.

So you try an approach you think he might understand.

“Do you ever feel like you’re being judged?” You ask quietly.

“All the time.” He answers easily. “Comes with the job description.”

“So you understand how it feels.” You say and he raises an eyebrow at you.

“Is that what this is about?” He nudges you. “You can’t possibly think they’re judging you, Y/N.”

“But they are! I see the looks some of your family and friends give me. It’s like they think I got knocked up on purpose.”

He shakes his head. “Who cares what they think?”

“You should care about what they think.” You say slowly, raising an eyebrow at his dismissal. “They’re your family.”

He shrugs. “You’re my family too.”

He says it so casually, so effortlessly and it’s like something just clicks in your brain and suddenly you have this overwhelming want, no need, to kiss him.

And that’s exactly what you do.

He doesn’t move at first when you press your lips to his, almost like he’s unsure about what to do and for a moment, you’re worried that you’ve ruined everything but then his hand comes up and cups your cheek and he kisses you back. You feel like you might melt straight through the bed and floor when he smiles against your lips and it’s absolutely perfect until Brady barges in the room.

“Where’d you guys- oh.” Brady freezes, eyes widening before he smirks. “Oh. I see what’s happening here. I’ll give you two a minute.”

“Brady.” Matt whines, dropping his head on your shoulder. “You’re ruining the moment.”

“Sorry! People were asking where you went!” He starts backing up and winks. “I’ll come up with a cover story. Have fun kids.”

“Brady.”

“Leaving! I’m going now!” He says, darting out the door and shutting it behind him.

Matt lifts his head, resting his chin on your shoulder instead of moving away. His eyes study your face as if he’s searching for any sign of regret but you smile to ease his worries.

“That was nice.”  

He raises an eyebrow. “Just nice? I think I can do better than that.”

“Okay, it was better than nice.” You giggle, feeling giddy. It’s a bit of a foreign feeling.

“Kind of overdue, huh?”

You raise an eyebrow. “You been wanting to kiss me, Tkachuk?”

“Oh, just since we met. Y’know, not that long.”

“Matthew.”

“What? I’m serious.” He says and then sighs. “I know I kind of fucked up when we first met. I was a bit of an ass-”

“A bit?” You tease and he gives you a dry look but you know he’s not actually mad.

“Hey, I’m trying.”

“Sorry.” You say solemnly. “Go on.”

He presses his lips together to hold back a smile. “You were funny and witty and kind from what Johnny had told me so I asked him to introduce me. Probably wasn’t the best idea to do it when I was drunk but he’s always had bad timing.” He shrugs. “He’d mentioned that you were fresh out of a tough relationship and I just… I don’t know, I just said the first thing that came to my mind and drunk me thought it was funny. Which obviously, it wasn’t.”

“I know we’ve already kissed-” he points to your stomach. “clearly, but I’d like to think of this as our first kiss.”

You grimace. “That works for me because honestly, I don’t remember much of that night.”

“I must have been doing something wrong, then.” He jokes.

“Guess you’ll have to show me again.”

He grins. “Deal. But first, I’m taking you on a date.

. . .

“I knew he’d come around.” Taryn grins, finishing the last of your makeup. When she heard that Matt was taking you on a date, she begged you to let her help you get ready. You were going to ask her anyway because you wanted to spend as much time with her and Chantal as you could before they went home. It was unlikely you would be able to see them again until after the baby is born and that thought freaks you out because you’re nearly 33 weeks and your doctor told you that you can deliver as early as 37 weeks.

So you only have about a month left to prepare yourself for childbirth. Luckily, Chantal has been so helpful, answering any questions you have and you feel so blessed that you have her to help you through this.

“I knew it was coming too.” Chantal says from her spot on the bed. You’re half certain you saw tears in her eyes when you told her that Matt had asked you on a date but you cried too so you can’t make fun.

“You guys have been hoping for this, haven’t you?”

Chantal shrugs and hides a smile. “Maybe.”

Taryn nods. “The way you two look at each other totally gives away your feelings. It’s weird seeing Matt like that.”

“Like what?”

“Nice. Honestly, a little unsettling.”

“Taryn.” Chantal scolds and the youngest Tkachuk raises her hands.

“I’m joking.” She mutters. “Kind of.”

Chantal just sighs but smiles when she looks at you.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart.”

Your face turns pink from her compliment but it does mean a lot knowing that Matt’s mom approves of you despite the unusual circumstances. You know that some parents might have had reservations about the situation you and Matt are in but Chantal and Keith treated you with nothing but respect and kindness since the start of this and you will forever be grateful.

“Well, you’re all done.” Taryn says, stepping back to admire her work. “You’re going to knock his socks off.”

“Even being 8 months pregnant?” You ask hesitantly.

“Especially being 8 months pregnant.” Chantal assures you.

Her assurance makes you feel a little better but when there is a knock on the door, you’re suddenly extremely nervous.

“Come in!” Taryn yells and Matt pokes his head in with a grin on his face. When he looks at you, his eyes go wide and mouth drops a little.

He stutters over his words which makes you feel better.

“Cat got your tongue, Tkachuk?” You ask, trying to hide the pleased look on your face.

He shakes his head and grins, walking over and taking your hands in his. “Just admiring how beautiful my girl is.”

“Your girl? Awfully presumptuous.” You joke but your heart warms at his words. You can hear Chantal literally awe.

Matt just grins and leads you out of the apartment and to his car. He even opens the door for you and you raise an eyebrow but don’t comment.

“Do I get to know where we’re going?” You ask when he slides in the drivers seat.

“Nope.” He says, sending you a sly grin.

You know it’s pointless arguing with him so you just smile back and rest your head on the seat, watching out the window until you reach your destination.

. . .

Matt knows you better than you thought because instead of bringing you to a fancy, high end restaurant, he brings you to a small but cute diner the two of you frequently go to. He knows it’s your favourite and it make you happy knowing that he notices small things like this.

“This okay?” He asks once the two of you are seated. He looks a little nervous and you want to get rid of any worries that he has.

“It’s perfect,” you assure him. “I love it.”

And you, you nearly say and you almost fall out of your seat at the realization.

Do you love Matt? You care for him deeply, that’s not a question and you know your feelings for him have been shifting lately. The kiss proved that, but were you confusing love, with infatuation? Or were you starting to actually have those feelings for him?

The better question is whether it’s a good idea to let yourself have these feelings right now because while this is nice, the two of you are about to be parents and any strong feelings like that can make things messy, especially if Matt doesn’t feel the same way.

You know you’ll have to acknowledge and deal with these feelings soon but for now, you let yourself enjoy the night, stealing fries off Matt’s plate while he pretends not to notice and arguing playfully about baby names.

It’s a problem for another night.

......

a/n: i wanna be like OH WE GOT THE FIRST KISS but technically this isn’t the first kiss because, well, you know 

[ourladylennon]

this is a stress rant and also I absolutely have to get these thoughts out of my head and onto something so that I can understand how I'm feeling. so pardon me.

I have some very mixed feelings about my latest tattoo experience and it has been incredibly, astoundingly stressful. For anyone who was interested in how it went.

and after typing out this whole rant and reading it back my advice is: ALWAYS make sure it is exactly what you want. ALWAYS speak up if you don’t.

I have a specific style, as everyone, but the style of tattoo I have is a bit of a niche that can be hard to find: geometric design with dotwork/pointillism/stippling techniques to create shading rather then standard fill in shading. This shading style is incredibly time consuming and taxing for the artist and I've had a lot of trouble finding people who specialize in this (and within my area).

I started with an artist about 3 years ago, whom was new to me but known to be good. Got my appt set up, he drew me an entire sleeve- it was absolutely gorgeous. Went through two sessions and his work is genuinely amazing. Clean. Precise. Detailed. Unique. I didn't vibe with him too great but it was something I kind of put aside. But without explaining the whole fucking mess that became, just know that our artist-client relationship fell through. This left me with only the beginning of my tattoo. The whole ordeal was really stressful and upsetting so I put down the goal of getting it finished to try and recoup. And I just continually hit roadblocks trying to find artists who are good at dotwork and willing to do it. Often times they live in other cities/states/etc. Obviously this involves meeting a new artist, trying to figure out if it's a good fit, driving out for consultations/redoing all that process- s t r e s s. Now with covid, it's even more difficult because almost every artist I've come across that I've considered has closed books. All of them being out of town which is fine because it would be worth it. It's expected.

But after three years of this go around of trying to find someone, I was getting really put out by the process and just wanting to get this thing going. (Mistake #1- or #2 technically cause fucking up w the first artist is where it all started and I do regret it to this day).

A new shop opened IN my town- a miracle!!! I started following an artist whose work I found to be particularly amazing. Clean lines, clean shading, artistic seeming. Didn't see any pointillism, but I just like kept seeing her work and thinking damn that's good. So I decided to reach out and told her this is what I'm looking for, a dotwork sleeve and here are some examples of the style I like. I specifically mentioned this and asked if they'd be interested in working on it because I know that dotwork is not everyone's thing. The artist replied and said they've been wanting to get into and would like to do that (we'll call this mistake #3. Do not assume the artist, even if very good at other things will be good at all things. Do not go to an artist wanting a specific style without having seen their work for THAT style).

At this point I sent over pictures of my current tattoo that we'd be adding onto for reference. In my mind this is what I thought would mean: "I am looking at what you have to see how to incorporate it into a new sleeve design and see how I can create a collaborative piece and mesh the two together." (Mistake #4: that was not the case. Do not assume. Anything. Ever.)

The appt date was relatively quick despite the fact that I figured she'd be booked out for quite some time (red flag #1: not because she wasn't busy. But because this was not a whole lot of time to come up with a design but I figured "Well she knows her capabilities better than I do and she wouldn't suggest it that soon if she weren't sure). In my previous experiences, the artist will send you a proof or have a separate appt to review the design. I never received an email with said design (red flag #2, in my personal opinion. But I thought I was just being...extra? Also just thought, okay I'll see it at the appt and it will be OK, right? <- mistake #5).

I show up, there is no sleeve design. (RED FLAG #3) There are two single mandala tattoos. Outlines only. No shading. I'd also like to say my style is much more geometric fractals than it is mandala. A lot of people find these interchangeable but...they're really much different. (RED. FLAG. #4). I genuinely did not see that coming. Maybe I'm wrong to say, but this was negligent in my opinion and experience. A sleeve design ensures that your finished piece flows, that it works together, you can see the whole picture, modify, etc. Especially with it being an addition to my existing work. Cannot stress how much of a red flag.

I'm wigging out at this point. I don't love them but I want this tattoo. I'm going back and forth thinking, "maybe it's just because the shading isn't filled in I can't picture it." (MISTAKE #6: trust your gut!!!). I tell her OK well I like this about this one and that about that one. She only nods and listens, where I was expecting feedback; perhaps an "OK well we can draw it on" or "I can rework it" etc. She didn't and I am too paralyzed to speak up. (Red flag #4)

Mistake #7: I accept it at this point. I pick between the two. She has to go resize it. I'm having a literal internal freak out and battle. I am someone who DOES NOT know how to speak up for themselves. In any way. EVER. For any reason. At any time. I am a fear based individual, in fact, I am nearly certain I have APD (avoidant personality disorder) and it effects me severely and deeply. To the point that simply speaking to someone can be hard for me.

But my brain was screaming you cannot do this! You aren't sure! This is for life! It's your body!! You HAVE to say something! (RED fucking alert)

She came back with the one design resized and my heart is thumping, my chest is constricting, the throat feels like it's closing. I make myself say it. I tell her I don't think this is what I'm looking for. I literally almost busted into tears trying to say it because I was so fucking terrified and overwhelmed. I've never been in a position where I genuinely wasn't sure whether I liked what I was looking at. She says you don't need to be sorry you should speak up this is your body. So immediately, I lost a lot of tension because of her kindness. I thought she would be angry or rude or upset, just because I'm fearful. She proceeded to kind of go in and shade in with a pencil on the stencil to give me a better idea and apologized that she should have had that prepared. I continue asking questions to assuage my concerns and feel....better....ish. she offers to redraw and reschedule but I went against my gut, gave into my desperacy to continue my sleeve, dismissed my feelings as being just my typical overexertion of fear and did something I NEVER do: turn my back on my instincts. (Mistake. Mistake #8)

She was pleasant and I genuinely enjoyed her, felt comfortable with her which is not something I can say about previous artists and that's a good chunk of why I decided to continue. I liked her, I liked her other work I've seen, I just thought that once the stippling was in that I'd see it was really nice. However, I am laying there and I'm like I do not feel poking, which is literally how dotwork is done. Dot by dot. I'd feel her do the tiniest bit of dot-dot-dot and I'm like OK OK I'm just not paying full attention and missing it. But then I'd hear and feel her shading- standard shading. I'm like why is she using a shading tip? I'm just confused honestly. I'm like I have no idea what the could be for, just assume it's necessary for something I didn't realize. But I can see because I'm laying and my arms at a weird angle.

I finally get a peek while she's pausing and its....not dotwork. It's not dotwork at all, in fact. It's too late at this point in my eyes. It was only partially done but what am I gonna do? Stop her in the middle and have an unfinished tattoo? And then what? (Try to) go to someone else to have them do dotwork and have a half unmatching tattoo? There was nothing I could do. So I resigned and accepted this as the consequences of my actions and ill choices. And that's honestly been the hardest part to deal with: I let this happen to myself because I could not speak up. The only person who could have stopped this was ME. And I could not do it. That's how deeply my issues of fear run. And that is terrifying, pathetic, sad.

I'm not saying I got the world's ugliest tattoo. It's okay. Just okay. In the words of RuPaul, meh. I don't want meh. I want astounding. And I didn't do what I needed to to make that happen or not happen.

I just have been in awe over the fact that I asked for dotwork and the artist expressed no concern over this, literally had my existing tattoo right above where they were working and continued to not emulate that style of shading at all. Most of this is my fault, 90% of it. But there was negligence on the artists side and I genuinely don't think they meant it to be. I just don't think they had enough experience, but they too should have spoke up if they didn't feel they could carry it out. They gave me no inclination that they could not or would not be doing dotwork. At any point. And I do feel upset that I don't think they put in the effort or care to work off my existing tattoo in their design, and in looking back, their design also does not look nearly anything like the designs I gave for example. It was my job to walk away and request a redesign or to cancel and I didn't. So in the end this is on me. And it has been very taxing on my mental state.

To end this shit show: the tattoo I just got costed half of what my first one did, while only having taking the fraction of time as my first and being less then half the size of my first. It is not nearly as clean, it certainly reflects their level of experience. The shop environment was not fantastic: it felt a bit like as if I had walked into a chain restaurant...but a tattoo shop. There were no private rooms, there were no tattoo chairs. They were literal stools and that's not...not professional or normal. And I chose to continue.

I'm faced with some really tough decisions moving forward. I am at least thankful it is relatively small ish and wraps towards my inner arm which makes it less visible. But I'm at a crossroads of whether I go through the whole mess of trying to find a FOURTH artist to try and finish my sleeve the way it was meant to be finished (dotwork, whole sleeve design etc) and make the best of it at the risk of having a fucking patchwork arm. Or I continue to work with this artist and see the design through myself (literally design it myself which I didn't want to do but it doesn't appear that I should leave this to them), so that at least the remainder of my arm is consistent shading and work.

And because I've made it sound like the tattoo is atrocious, be assured it's not trash by any means. It's just not what I wanted. Big sis learned a big lesson.

(the immediate center is bothering me the most. But I think it can be altered. Nonetheless. The skill/experience level shows, unfortunately. And you can certainly see the difference between the stipple shading on my first tattoo and the regular shading on the new one.)

I am trying to be positive and that's all I can do. I accept the results and I think it can be fixed to a certain extent, and I can only hope as I move forward that I make the right decision and that the end product is something I enjoy.

[nanabrainrot]

Is there anyway you can write a NSFW with Arthur? Like him coming back from being in Arkham and the reader noticing how more confident and rough he is now than he was before ? 💖

Of course! Here you go 😙 I made the reader a bit obsessive and unstable hope u dont mind uwu. This is a female reader but after practicing if you’d like a male version I can oblige! Sorry this blog is moving a bit slow my university is being a pain and I’m trying to do a lot at once! I hope u all understand please enjoy this work 💖 sorry for the wait again!

Arthur Fleck x F!Reader

Prior To

When Arthur was taken away, you knew well within you this would not be your last goodbye. Arthur was no Einstein, that may be true, but he was smart in a different way. Apparently, he was smart enough to escape Arkham Asylum, which you found out at about 4:44am, hearing some slunking around in your living room and nearly pissing yourself in fear that no one lived with you for some months and there was a burglar. You rolled over, onto Arthur’s side of the bed for the first time in a few weeks, and reaching a cautious hand under your bed to slip out a recently purchased metal baseball bat. You were no heavy hitter, but living alone was a frightening situation in Gotham, so a bat was a common household item to the solitary Gotham dweller.

The burglar, as far as you heard, was humming in your living room. Cocky asshat, you thought, stomach churning at the thought of facing some psycho outside your bedroom door. You heard them plop heavily on your sofa, lowly singing the lyrics to “Lollipop” by the Cordettes as they turned on a M*A*S*H special. “Is this cocksucker really holing up on my couch? Out of every couch in Gotham...?” you whispered so low you could barely hear yourself. People rarely spoke to you, no less ever heard you mention your spare key over your door frame in the hall; be it a risk, but there had to be a spare, in case at some point, at any point in your hopeful heart of hearts that Artie came home. You didn’t take him being taken away well, of course you cried hard, same as you wept when he confessed he killed three men on the night rail, when you watched Murray Franklin mock him, when you knew a part of Arthur was lost and would never be recovered, or, as some part of you thought, that this sick rendition of Arthur Fleck was a horrible facade of what he was meant to be. And that you foolishly fell for a man that was shy and sweet, and stayed in love with the very man who became the opposite.

Before he left to go to the Murray Franklin Show, you made love, as you stupidly called it. When he touched you, you could feel he loved you, adored you, was enamoured with the curve of your neck as his hand tightened around your throat, as he fucked you raw in the doorway where he killed Randall (where you told him to shower and bleached the tile and cut raw flesh the first time and spit in the garbage bag you put him in for pestering your Arthur, your sweetheart Artie). He was growing into himself more. After he left for Murray, you were not there to see the end result of Joker. You still refuse to call him by that name. You may love Joker, but he was not the man you fell in love with years ago. That was a special love. That was a love you often hoped to feel again.

The bat was cold in your grip, your hands brandishing it so tightly your knuckles were scary white. You could kill a man if you wanted. You had never laid a hand on anyone. The only sick thing you ever did was be an accomplice for Artie. You didn’t feel much when you put a meat cleaver through Randall’s thighs, grunting with stress as “I Love Lucy” blasted through the apartment, a little lower in volume than Arthur singing in the shower, “I’m singing in the raaaiinnn!” You could kill a man if you wanted. You could kill a man if you wanted. You could kill a man if you wanted. You could kill a man if you wanted —

SLAM

The door was wide open and you burst into the living room, bat behind your head, ready to concave some sick fuck’s skull, but, of all things, you were not ready to see him. Him of all people. Your Arthur Fleck of every man in Gotham to sit, unphased, legs wide and bearing some random sweats you’ve never seen him wear, gray and outlining his semihard cock. His shirt is tossed on the back on your new sofa, an addition to your redecorating of your apartment since he left — was taken from you, he didn’t leave, he’d be crazy to fucking leave you of all people.

You stood there blankly. The stance of a warrior with a bat behind their head was gone, replaced with a meek and lost person, calm arms just — holding a baseball bat there. Not a thought in your head had passed. Was this a dream? Another dream like that one almost every night where you pushed the thought of Arthur away all day to dream of him all night and wake up shaking at 4am again, sweaty and sniffling on a pillow wet with tears. When Arthur was taken, you wallowed in shitty pity for a week or two before literally forcing yourself to do anything but think of him, some things were unhealthy and scary but a lot of healthy hobbies came of it. You ignore the time you were so angry with the world that you sat in your room, thinking of a way to fucking murder Hoyt or go and buy a shotgun with your paycheck’s leftovers.

The bat clattered to the ground and you dove into his lap, leaping over your nice new coffee table, organized to the T with a nice assortment of magazines (hidden under the log cabin homes one were about 7 gun magazines. Fantasizing. Fantasizing), sending magazines and the clean ashtray (that was left unused for months without him) to the floor. He catches you, letting out a happy cackle, grabbing and jostling your bodies side to side as you hugged, nuzzling your head into his neck, gripping him so close you wish you would fuse together so you wouldn’t have to part.

“Someone miss me, huh?” he giggles, his hair in his eyes as you grabbed at his face to cup it and feel every inch of his skin — oh how you missed just looking at his handsome face all day long. “A little... or a lot. Okay, like a lot a lot,” you grinned hard at him, drinking up every bit of his face smiling back at you. You loved just feeling him which may have been a big part of why your separation made you so volatile. Every night you slunk into his arms, never more a foot away if you could help it, like a loyal dog. And then every night, as tired as the day made you both, you, no more and no less, made love. Every single night. Often in the mornings, a habit you never seemed to shake as you lived with that gnawing anxiety that he could die any day and you wouldn’t touch him before he left.

His hands, calloused and big, scraped as your sides, expressions softened and glazed with an emotion you recall seeing on his face often: love. Not lust as it was many nights, but love. It just looked... different this time. You understood in a way. Watched him become some weird alternate to what he was like when you first met, when you first made love, timid and quiet, in the dark to a scratchy love song on a record. Frank Sinatra’s “That Old Black Magic” as he panted in your ear then sloppily kissed you hard as he filled you with cum.

“Take this shirt off, dear,” he purrs, leaning back to watch you eagerly pull it over your head. Your new graphic tee is added to the pile of disgarded coffee table items, beside the gun magazine and covering the ashtray, and you sit on his lap, staring him down with a bare heaving chest like this desperation was truly comparable to dying if you didn’t ride his dick in two minutes to the T. “Shorts off,” he growls with a stupid smirk. You stand up, nearly tripping over the scattered items as you hurry to tear off the shorts. You stood there nude, eyes wild and hair ruined by your tossing and turning from another nightmare.

You didn’t move yet, didn’t climb into his lap for comfort after not just a long day, week, or month, but God knows how long. You just stared at him, nude, face lit only from the light of the television behind you, the laugh track ringing in your ears. You could look at Arthur for a week straight and it still wouldn’t be enough; so you stared at the dark brown hair that was a bit greasy, glossed over green eyes, the rough stubble that had some grays poking through, and relished in the fact that he was all yours.

“Can I take off your pants, Arthur?” you asked timidly. He grinned a broad smile at you and nodded, eyes following you slinking to your knees on the floor, shaking like a leaf, waiting to wake up at 4am in a lonesome bed as another rainy day taunts you with the knowledge another day passed without Arthur Fleck. Instead, the cotton of his sweatpants lulled down as your hands tugged it down, staring at his cock as it sprung upwards, his cheap boxers lowered with the gray sweatpants. You look up at him, the real Arthur, your real Arthur, and spit up a forced, “May I lick it?”

His hand strings through your hair and pulls your hair back, exposing the goosebumps on your neck, and grits a dark, “Beg first, baby.” And you do. You grovel at him with big pleading eyes, leaning your head on his right thigh, gawking at his pulsing cock and close enough that your breath hits it. “Please, Artie. I’m begging you to let me suck your dick. You can fuck my throat dry, cum in eye, whatever, let me suck it, Arthur, please.” It sounds like a weak, deprived sob when you say it, like a man begging for water after a week lost in the Sahara. When your eyes glance up, he looks down at you with such happy eyes you almost feel like this groveling is ingrained in you, an essential to your guide to loving Arthur Fleck: hand him the power. Give Arthur the leash and let him yank on it like a submissive dog, like he’s your fucking owner.

The sound of his feet removing themselves from the pool of fabric and you feel some force as he pushes your head back off him, leaving you sitting up and heaving like you’re on fire. He lies down, his head on the arm of the loveseat, the ankles of his feet on the opposite arm of loveseat. His hand is moving up and down his cock and he lulls his head to the left, to look at you and the television before licking his lips and prompting, “Suck it while you sit on my face. I’m just starving, babydoll.” And you oblige, eager to please, bumbling clumsily as you prop your calves against the arm his head rests upon and lower yourself, just a bit to stare at it, memorize it, recall the way it felt in and out of you in his red suit in the doorway before he was sent to Arkham. The memorization comes to an end when you feel a tongue lick from your clit to your hole. The groan leaves you before you realize this is real, this is realer than real, this wasn’t some sick dream that left you high and dry.

As he buries his tongue in you, you wrap your lips around his cock, spitting some saliva on it to wet it for you. Often, oral was a brief foreplay before you two couldn’t stand it and made brutal love, fucking like if you could get any closer you’d just become one and never have to be separate again. Unfortunately, feeling him burying his face in your folds and feeling him in your throat for the first time in so long, you popped his length out of your mouth and begged, tears in your eyes, “Fuck’s sake Arthur, please just shove it in me!” The waiting game always left you a sore loser.

He chuckles into your cunt, giving it one last, long lick, and instructing, “Ride me then. Ride me like the last time we did this, babydoll.” He meant rough. The last time you rode him you could practically feel your cervix bruising, hands so tight on his shoulders they were a hue of purple the next morning, and crying as you both made lengthy eye contact because a part of you felt that time would be the last time the man you fell in love with would be that close to you. It hurt to remember because, in that moment, you were right.

And now, you rode him, gripping his shoulders so hard they would be a purple hue the next morning, his eyes blown wide as his hand smacked your ass with a force that would leave the skin raw. When you took each other’s virginity years ago, he shook like an autumn leaf, still fragile to the touch and ready to crumple at any moment, and now you made love to a man that was fresh out of Arkham for a completely different reason. You felt your cervix being pummeled; the uncomfortable feeling of it fed into the reality, the vast difference of your fanciful dreams. You love him and he loves you, you love each other with the same love of an alcoholic loving his Grey Goose and at the same time the love of a woman and her garden. Tender and simultaneously implosive. And God forbid this beautiful disaster ever ends.

“I love you! I love you! I love you, Arthur!” you cry out, coming to the brink as he holds your hips so tight you fear he may break you and his hips ram into yours as the ending of the 2nd re-run of your television show plays in the back. “I missed you, babydoll,” he grins slyly, something devious in his eye as his grip tightened to a vice grip and his pace slowed, “and I missed this too.”

He cums inside you. The next episode’s opening plays. The deja vu hits you like a semi and this moment wakes you from a coma. (Bittersweet) You kiss him gently and he kisses you back gently. The first actually tender motion of the night. He loves you under the facade of aggression, as he fucked you like a dog trying to impregnate a bitch in heat.

That was the first of many differences when Arthur Fleck comes home.

When you wake up, it isn’t 4am, the bed isn’t empty, and the rain isn’t the boring drizzle but a raging lightning storm that the forecast predicts will run all day. As you stare out the window, Arthur’s grasp tightens as a sore reminder you both missed one another and you didn’t want to know who missed the other more because if he missed you as much as you missed him then you might as well cry until Hell freezes over. He can do whatever he wants to your body as a brutalizing reminder that you’d sift through years in purgatory if it means coming home to Joker Arthur every night.

Your Arthur isn’t the man he was and some days it is more okay than others.

[littlesliceofmarvel]

Asking For A Friend

Synopsis/Request: Reader is in an abusive relationship and the Avengers end up finding out and get really protective.

Warnings: abuse (verbal, physical), swearing, violence

Pairings: Reader x Avengers (no romantic connections)

A/N: My Masterlist is finally up! Also, Gif isn’t mine. x

Being an Avenger was hard. Without a doubt. One of the hardest things you had ever done. You were constantly moving around from country to country, getting injuries one after another, and having to live in Stark Tower because there was no way you could take care of a place when you were away that often. It was hard.

But one thing that was harder was to lie. You hated lying to your team about your personal life away from work, and you hated that life in itself. Two years ago, you found yourself in one of the best relationships you could have pictured yourself in. His name was Jason, and you loved him. He was sweet, caring, understanding, and loved you more than you thought you deserved. You had been so happy with him, and when Tony offered you a spot on the team a little under a year ago, Jason was the first person you ran to to tell. He was excited for you, but there was something that changed in him once receiving the news. 

He became cold towards you the more you were away on missions with the team, and it got to the point where you spoke maybe once a week, even less. When you got back he made no effort to see you, nor to contact you in the slightest. It took a toll on you because you felt like this was a mistake, that you should have chosen your boyfriend over saving the world, and you felt like you had let him down. It killed you on the inside to have him be so distant and in all honesty, you didn’t even know if the two of you were even still together.

It had been two weeks since you left for your last mission, and as you and the team pulled up to Avengers HQ in the quinjet, celebrating another successful run, you couldn’t help but feel a little down. 

“Dude, you saw the way my arrow went straight through 3 dudes’ heads, right?” Clint stood proudly, admiring his bow, giving it a little spin on his finger.

“Of course,” Natasha rolled her eyes at him, “You single-handedly saved us all.”

You gave a small laugh, their encounters always being quite entertaining to you. Post-mission, you were usually talkative and celebrated alongside your team, but something about today just had you feeling a little sadder than usual.

“You know, I think next time you should all lay back, I’ll handle them myself,” Clint smirked, facing the rest of the team. You sat between Steve and Wanda, all silent as you enjoyed the feeling of having come out on top, collecting all the information you needed before blowing up a Hydra base, no one falling victim to any injuries.

“I think I’m going to host a celebratory gala in our honour,” Tony nodded, looking out the window, causing a couple of people to groan.

“Tony, come on,” Steve slouched his shoulder, “We don’t need another party, we just want to hang out.”

A couple people nodded, causing Tony to let out a sigh of defeat, “Fine, we’ll do it your way, grandpa.”

The remainder of the ride to HQ was silent and once the jet landed, you all got out the jet, removing weapons and equipment, placing them in your designated bins to be re-stocked and fixed. Fury gave you all a small post-mission briefing, and left you all to go your separate ways.

“So, to Stark Tower?” Tony asked, eyebrow raised as he looked between everyone, all of you nodding and separating into groups to drive there. You hopped into Tony’s luxurious car alongside him, Natasha and Peter. She had called shotgun, so you quietly took your place in the back next to the second youngest on the team.

Tony and Natasha maintained some conversation about weapons, so you took advantage of your lack of social ability and took out your phone, finger hovering over Jason’s name. Your heart got caught in your throat, the nerves getting the best of you, but you hadn’t heard from him in forever, and you were aching to get in contact with him. You pressed his name and opened up a new text message.

Stark’s Tower, tonight at 7? I haven’t seen you in forever and I’m back from a mission.

You felt stupid once you sent the message, somehow feeling clingy, and you had a feeling he wouldn’t answer. You honestly had no idea where you two were in your relationship, or if you even were in a relationship. You instantly regretted sending the message and locked your phone, turning it face down on your lap. A couple minutes later, you felt your phone buzz and you took a deep breath, dreading the message before turning it around and letting out a deep breath.

Sure. I’ll be there.

You closed your eyes and leaned your head back on the seat, nerves settling in thinking about how it’ll be to see him again after nearly a month.

“You alright, (y/n)?” Peter turned his attention to you, voice laced with concern. 

You nodded at him, making him smile, “Yeah, I’m good,” you turned to face the front, leaning forwards a tad, “Tony, I’ve got a plus one for tonight.”

Tony’s eyes widened and he lowered his sunglasses, “Is it that Jason guy? I forgot he existed, you haven’t mentioned him in months.”

You sighed, leaning back down with a slight shrug of your shoulders, “It’s been complicated.”

Tony didn’t press the topic but he gave you a weird look. Not wanting to go into details, you just gave him a kind smile. The rest of the drive consisted of small talk between the four of you, and when you showed up, the clock showed 5:13, giving you a little under two hours to prepare. Once you walked in, you grabbed Wanda and Nat, motioning them to the elevator.

“What’s up, (y/n)?” Wanda questioned, pushing her hair out of her face as the three of you got into the elevator, going up to the floor where your room was. 

“I need help,” you sighed, “Jason’s coming tonight and I haven’t seen him in like, a month. I need to make an impression, you know?”

Natasha nodded, understanding, “I get it, you wanna be hot.”

Wanda chuckled along with you, realizing that that was indeed what you were going for. You wanted to re-kindle the fire that was slowly burning out between the two of you, to get back the excitement that was there throughout the first year of your relationship.

“Well, we can do that,” Nat smirked.

Forty minutes later, you were decked out in a velvet bodysuit and a pair of skinny jeans. Wanda straightened your hair and did your makeup in a way that was subtle, but gave you a bit of an accentuated appearance. You felt good about yourself, and that made you feel a little better about facing Jason tonight. He had previously made comments about what you wore, so you felt like tonight could be a chance for him to see another side of you. The two girls complimented you as they admired their work. They weren’t the type of girls to dress up, both of them being quite the warriors, but they had skill in the area, you had to admit. 

A knock on the door took your attention away, Tony stepping into the room.

“He’s here, just so you know,” the tone in his voice gave you a feeling that something was wrong, but all you did was raise an eyebrow at him, spraying yourself with a touch of perfume before Wanda and Nat whisked you out the door. You felt your legs buckle slightly at the intense nerves that were flowing through your body and you wanted nothing more than to be able to stop time and re-think this decision.

As you entered the common room, you noticed Steve, Bucky, Peter and Tony standing tense, all facing the elevator where you heard slight commotion. You knew that that’s where Jason had to be, so your rushed over and stood next to Bucky, who looked slightly apologetic, and you understood why.

Jason emerged from the elevator, bottle of whiskey in hand as he stumbled towards you, a stupid look on his face.

“Heyyyyy! If it is’t the world-saving, ass-kicking Avenger who abandoned me!” Jason shouted, swinging the bottle in the air before taking another sip from it.

Bile rose in your throat at the sight before you, “Jason, are you - are you drunk?” you hated the way he was when he was drunk, and you were crushed to find out that the one time you see him in forever, he showed up shit-faced. 

“DUUH!” Jason rolled his eyes, stumbling towards you, “I couldn’t see you while sober.”

Peter stood in front of you protectively as Bucky clenched his metal hand in a fist, neither of them liking this guy’s attitude towards you. You were thankful to have your team around you, you could never handle how aggressive he got when he was drunk.

“Why not?” You asked, your voice abandoning you as it shook slightly. You wanted to appear brave, not affected by his actions, but you immediately gave in.

Jason laughed sarcastically, “Why? Because you’re a dumb bitch,” he sneered, causing Peter to give him a small shove away from you as the rest of the team immediately kicked into protective mode. You were speechless, you never expected this to happen, and you had no idea how to react. 

“You had me, the best thing that’s ever happened to you, and you took off to save this stupid, goddamn planet,” Jason rushed over to you, “You know, at first I was ok with it, because it meant I got to have you out of my hair, but then you started getting busier and I couldn’t just be left behind. I’m the one who was supposed to break you, but you took off, leaving me looking like some sort of moron.”

You couldn’t form the words, you were absolutely humiliated. As much as you wanted to be mad and shout at him, you couldn’t help but think he was right. He was loving and caring and you left him. The guilt consumed the humiliation and you took a deep breath, looking down as the rest of the team approached you, defending you.

“Dude, I, uh, think you should leave,” Steve said quietly, not taking his eyes off of you as he pointed a finger to the elevator, motioning for Jason to get out. You felt your eyes sting slightly, tears threatening to fall, but you tried your best to keep yourself collected.

“You know, when you were gone, I was never alone,” Jason sneered, getting right up in your face as Peter stuck a hand out in front of you, “That girl from the coffee place downstairs, Sally, is it? She came by, a lot.”

If your heart wasn’t struggling enough right now, it had been pushed to it’s limit. Your head shot up to face Jason’s his eyes bright red and his breath fell on your face, the smell of alcohol making you internally gag. You heard Natasha mumble a ‘son of a bitch’ to which the sound of movement from behind you indicated that Wanda was probably holding her back. 

You didn’t know how to process what he has just said, and it felt like everything in the room went quiet. You couldn’t hear your team telling Jason to leave, or the laugh that bubbled from him when he realized he had gotten to you. He slept with someone else. While you were saving the world. It felt like someone had taken a knife and slowly carved little X’s in your heart, telling you that you were an absolute fool.

Before you could process anything, you felt your hand come in contact with Jason’s cheek, leaving a nice red mark behind. Tony’s eyes widened and Bucky took a step back from beside you, ready to pounce if Jason retaliated. In a way, you were thankful that they were letting you handle this, letting you have this chance to do this, but at the same time, you wanted nothing more than to have Jason being dragged out. 

Within a second of the slap, Jason’s hands found their way to your shoulders and you were shoved down to the ground, landing forcefully on your back causing you to let out a small ‘oompf.’

“You bitch,” Jason said through gritted teeth a millisecond before Bucky’s metal fist connected with his face, resulting in him landing on the floor, Nat jumping at her chance to jump on him and kneeing him in the abdomen. Peter helped you up and you lost all sense of sadness, anger taking over you as you looked down at the sad excuse for a human being on the floor.

“Small mistake, dickhead,” Tony approached Jason and put his foot on his chest, “You don’t mess with (y/n) unless you’re willing to deal with the Avengers. Unfortunately for you, we don’t waste our time on douchebags who aim to hurt kind women, so you’re going to be escorted out of the building.”

Before anyone could say anything, Tony’s foot collided with Jason’s face and his eyes closed, settling him into unconsciousness.

-

It had been an hour since Jason was dragged out of the building by a pissed off Steve who didn’t try to avoid knocking his head into walls, much to the team’s amusement. You sat on the couch, digging into a tub of ice cream with a spoon. You were surrounded by the team, who had let you pick tonight’s movie. You picked The Lord of the Rings, because right now, you felt like you wanted to be in a world other than your own. 

You were glad to have had all of them

The elevator opened up and Sam Wilson walked in, his expression turning to confusion when seeing the team watching a movie together.

“Why wasn’t I invited to this?” he put his hand to his heart in mock hurt, causing Steve to chuckle slightly.

“It was a last second thing, sorry bird boy,” Tony shrugged, turning back around to face the TV.

Sam walked over and took a seat between Steve and Wanda, “Ok, but why wasn’t I invited?”

Steve looked over at you cautiously and you gave him a small nod, telling him it was alright to explain the situation to Sam.

“(Y/n)’s dumbass boyfriend came over drunk and said some bad things to her and pushed her, so we decided to watch a movie to cheer her up.”

Sam’s eyes widened and he shot out of his seat, rushing over to you. He kneeled down in front of you and checked your face, eyes scanning you, causing you to giggle slightly.

“I’m ok, Sammy,” you smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder, “I’m honestly glad he’s now out of my life.”

Sam stood up facing the team, “Son of a bitch, is murder legal?” Steve’s eyes shot wide open and Tony and Peter chuckled slightly.

“I don’t think we need to murder anyone,” Steve raised a hand at Sam to say ‘calm down.’

“What?” Sam shrugged, “I’m asking for a friend.”

You had been through quite the day, and you knew it was going to take you a while to get over what you had just experienced, but having your family here with you, you knew it was going to be ok. After all, they’ve always got your back.

[sheplaysthegames]

20 Questions for Simmers

1.) Favorite Sims Game

While I have played and loved every version of The Sims, I think my absolute favorite was The Sims 2. It was the one I couldn’t put down! The little details and humor are what really stand out when I look back, and I don’t remember having any real problems with it either since the game itself was pretty solidly developed and bugs tended to be squashed quickly. Overall, I was never bored playing The Sims 2 and I still occasionally boot it up just to reminisce.

2.) Yourself in 3 Traits

Ambitious, dog lover, neat

3.) CC or No CC

I play with a small amount of CC. Everything I download is Maxis-match, and I pull pieces out whenever we get new official content that I can use instead.

4.) Preferred Part of the Game

I really like each part of the game and try to spend my time evenly among them. Lately I’ve been building and messing around in CAS more than actually playing though. Oops!

5.) Favorite Expansion Pack

In The Sims, my favorite EP was Makin’ Magic. I was so young when I played that I thought I was incredibly clever for figuring out the pattern to the spells in the dueling arena so that I’d win every time. And I had a lot of fun creating one of each type of potion and then trying them out on the poor, unsuspecting townies!

In The Sims 2, my favorite EP was Bon Voyage. I spent so much time completing every single vacation memento! Some of them were really hard to figure out too, so finishing the collection was really rewarding to me. All three of the destinations were equally fun to explore with their local dances, gestures, foods, and massages. I could really feel the difference between visiting Takemizu Village, Twikki Island, and Three Lakes.

In The Sims 3, my favorite EP was Ambitions. The firefighter career and the new inventing skill were the real highlights to me. I spent weeks creating a Simbot without cheating, and firefighting was a really exciting change from the standard rabbithole careers. Another neat feature was the ability to sculpt statues of Sims. Never-melting ice sculptures looked great in mansions, and of course stone sculptures made great monuments to ‘famous’ Sims in town.

In The Sims 4, my favorite EP (so far) is Seasons. The weather effects are beautiful, the raincoats and rainboots and umbrellas are adorable, kiddie pools are the greatest item ever created, and temperature is just such a vital addition that it's finally starting to feel like a full game for me! Seasons and weather in general also function differently in each world, which is perfect. I didn’t want snow in Oasis Springs, and Brindleton Bay desperately needed fog and rain to feel complete.

6.) Favorite Game Pack

In The Sims 4, my favorite GP (so far) is Vampires. I never really liked this life state before, but this time around they’re fantastic! The abilities help differentiate each vampire from one another, and I love that they don’t have to ask permission nicely before biting a Sim. The sticker cracks and spider webs are also something I’d been wanting to help make places seem less perfect. Overall, the life state seems so detailed and sets a much higher bar for future life states. I don’t even mind paying for each individually if they’re this well-done.

7.) Favorite Stuff Pack

In The Sims 2, my favorite SP was H&M Fashion. Honestly, I just really loved all the new clothing that kept my Sims from constantly matching each other. And building a clothing store with all the cool retail items that came with it was a lot of fun too!

In The Sims 3, my favorite SP was Town Life. The rabbitholes were more modern and added some variety since most of the others were the same building with slightly different colors. I had a lot of fun remodeling my more modern worlds with them.

In The Sims 4, my favorite SP (so far) is Laundry Day. I’m a sucker for realism elements so adding another menial chore for my Sims makes me happy. The laundry system is surprisingly complex, the furniture filled in a lacking farmhouse style I felt was missing from the game, and stackable machines look perfect in apartments. The clothing and hairstyles were also very well-done and I have to actively try not to overuse them on all my Sims.

8.) Least Favorite Expansion Pack

In The Sims, my least favorite EP was House Party. It felt like the smallest addition we were given, and parties weren’t enough for me to explore more than a handful of times before I got bored. As soon as the next EP came out, I moved on to the new content and I don’t think I ever threw another party again.

In The Sims 2, my least favorite EP was Nightlife. It wasn’t bad at all, it was just the one I used the least. My personal gameplay style at the time was incredibly family-oriented and you just don’t take your kids to clubs. I only ever went to the new Downtown subhood for first dates and a few marriage proposals since the date interactions were pretty cute.

In The Sims 3, my least favorite EP was Showtime. I don’t think I ever really played with anything from it. The ‘optional’ online connection where you would send your Sims to someone else’s game to perform really made me mad since some of the items you paid for were locked away behind it and I had no desire to participate. And the whole in-game news feed and achievement system were horrible and really caused problems. The venues were also super glitchy so even when I did give the new active careers a go, trying to complete a performance was almost impossible. Overall, the whole thing felt like more trouble than it was worth.

In The Sims 4, my least favorite EP (so far) is Get to Work. I think my expectations were just too high going into it. The active careers are okay, but none of them make me actually want to follow my Sims to work past the first few days because they get highly repetitive and there’s no real risk associated with them. The retail system also seems a bit lacking. There are very few retail items to use when building a store, although I do have to mention that the clothing mannequins are pretty cool. And actually running it is too easy since you can just instantly restock the items even if they’re unique things that you’ve made your Sims create.

9.) Least Favorite Game Pack

In The Sims 4, my least favorite GP (so far) is Spa Day. It’s not nearly as immersive as the others. There isn’t much to do outside of getting a massage or doing yoga, and both are kind of boring to do repeatedly over and over. It doesn’t expand on the gameplay nearly enough to be categorized as a GP in my opinion; I’d demote it to SP.

10.) Least Favorite Stuff Pack

In The Sims 2, my least favorite SP was Glamour Life. It added the least versatile stuff. Most of my Sims weren’t swimming in cash, so the items, particularly the clothing, were rarely used since they’d look and feel out of place. 

In The Sims 3, my least favorite SP was Katy Perry’s Sweet Treats. I didn’t even buy it and I have no idea why anyone did. The objects were all horrible and cheesy. There was literally nothing good about it. At all. Ever.

In The Sims 4, my least favorite SP (so far) is My First Pet. No matter how many times they deny it, it’s a massive money grab. The furniture set literally completes what they left incomplete in Cats & Dogs! The clothing is for the most part just recolors of what we already have! And to top it all off, there’s just one new critter. They claim four, but it’s the same thing with a different skin overlay. I am perfectly fine with some items in a pack being dependent on owning previous packs so that they can continue to expand on past content. But to release this immediately after the associated EP and for it to pretty much be the rest of the items that we were missing from said EP...certainly seems like they withheld content just to wring an extra $10 from their players. Especially since it wasn’t even mentioned in their quarterly teaser. Haven’t bought it, and will not until it’s on sale.

11.) Custom or EA / Maxis Sims

EA / Maxis Sims are the best! I adore the premades and their unique, weird stories. My favorite thing to do is make them over and put an interesting spin on their storylines while still keeping them recognizable.

12.) Households or Single Sims

Definitely households. I prefer organized chaos with lots of things going on at once! There just isn’t enough to do when there’s only one Sim.

13.)  Free Will On or Off

Free will is always firmly set to off in my game. I’m a dictator when it comes to my Sims and I make no apologies for that.

14.)  Favorite Life Stage

Toddlers. They’re just so darn cute! The expanded skill building this time around is really cool since they actually learn in discernible stages instead of all at once, and I’m still not over their ability to go up and down stairs all on their own. The little mess-makers also have some of the cutest interactions with other Sims and their environment.

15.)  Favorite Life State

Aliens. The first time I ever had a Sim abducted was in The Sims 2, and it terrified me because I had no idea what was going on and didn’t know if he was ever going to come back. Then he was finally returned and popped out an alien baby! It was just so surprising and ever since I’ve had a particular fondness for extraterrestrials.

16.) Favorite Skill

Cooking is probably my favorite skill to build. Something about getting to see what those difficult dishes look like is just fun to me. Since The Sims 4 actually includes 3 separate skills for cooking, gourmet, and baking skills I’ve been having a blast discovering all the new recipes!

17.) Ever Completed a Legacy

Only once, way back in The Sims 2. It lasted a grand total of 16 generations before I wound up making the move to The Sims 3. I’ve tried numerous times since then, but The Sims 3 was too buggy to play a single file that long and The Sims 4 is still missing a couple of key features that I’d like to have before trying again.

18.) Longest Simming Session

When I had more free time (and was significantly younger), I happily confess to wasting away a full weekend playing The Sims 2. These days I’m lucky to get a couple hours a week here and there. Ah the joys of growing up!

19.) Personal Sims Wishlist

There are a few things I’m still really missing for The Sims 4. I’m hoping universities and witches are making a comeback soon as they’re crucial to my planned storylines. Fairies, werewolves, and a beach vacation world would also be wonderful to have but they’re less important to me.

20.) Unpopular Opinion

I don’t miss the open world system from The Sims 3 at all. I’m perfectly happy trading it for every world to be connected. Every save file is a megahood and I find that preferable to a single, completely open world. I also think that it makes the game more stable for everyone, especially lower-end computers. The loading screens are worth it!

[psyched2b]

Dallas’s Birthday Month Celebration

Yes...another one!

Alright, so I am sure that some of you have noticed that I am finally posting those Drabble Challenges from my 200 Follower Celebration. Technically, I stopped receiving those requests a few weeks ago, HOWEVER, since it is my fur baby’s 3rd Birthday on November 17th and since I am at nearly 300 followers, it seemed fitting that I just keep the celebrations going. (Let’s be real, it’s a lot of fun doing those requests anyways!)

So there will be a NEW Drabble Masterlist (when I get some requests that is!) Something that will be different this time is that I will have tags for my completed drabbles. If you are on my EVERYTHING tag list and DON’T want to be included in the drabbles, shoot me an ask or a message. Otherwise, if you want to be added to the drabbles or just my tag list in general, fill out this form.  ALSO, I added 12 Christmas AU prompts that you can either request by itself or with any of the dialogue prompts BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME.

Questions, comments or concerns? Send them my way!

Rules:

1. Please be following me!

2. Send in your request VIA ASK!

3. You can send in as many as you want but SEND IN SEPARATE ASKS. (Please use the appropriate emoji ex. ✏️  🎼 💚 ❓⭐️)

4. This celebration will end November 30, 2018

Things To Do:

1. ✏️Drabble Challenge: Below the cut are 84 prompts. Send me up to three numbers with your Marvel character pairing and get a drabble in return!✏️ (Read Completed)

2. 🎼Musical Names: Send your name/username and get a song playlist for every letter.🎼

3. 💚Character Ships: Send in a brief description of yourself and I will pair you with a Marvel character! 💚

4. ❓Get to Know: Ask me any question! Or tell me something about yourself! I’d love to get to know you!❓

5. *NEW*⭐️ Headcanons: Send in your request for a headcanon with one (1) specific Marvel character and I’ll give you my thoughts/expand ⭐️

PROMPTS:

1. That’s starting to get real annoying. 2. You can’t just sit there all day. 3. You’re seriously like a man-child. 4. You can’t banish me! This is my bed too! 5. She’s hiding behind the sofa. 6. You’re Satan. 7. Do you really need all that candy? 8. How is my wife more badass than me? 9. Stop being so cute. 10. Welcome back. Now fucking help me. 11. I could really use a hug right about now. 12. Tell me you need me. 13. Welp, that’s tragic. 14. I would kill you for a cup of coffee. 15. What is this ‘sleep’ you speak of? 16. Sorry isn’t going to help when I’m kicking your ass! 17.  I’d rather die than do that. 18. Can you shut up for five minutes? Please? 19. The floor is lava. 20. Where’s my food? 21. Get out of my way before I murder you. 22. You’re breaking my heart, babe. 23. I think you forgot who wears the pants in this relationship. 24. It’s just rain, you aren’t going to melt! 25. I don’t know why I married you. 26. What do you think a cupholder is for? 27. This is where you impress me, right? 28. I bet you can’t go 24 hours without swearing. 29. I’m not weird, you’re just basic. 30. Just sleep with one eye open, that’s all I’m saying. 31. You’re never this quiet, what’s wrong? 32. …or we could make out… 33. K. 34. I think you need stitches. 35. This is your fault by the way. 36. I have fans. More fans that you. 37. I paid for half and you ate three-quarters. 38. If you die, I’m going to kill you. 39. Stop looking at me like that, weirdo. 40. Sorry, I’m protective over the things I love. 41. You’re an idiot. I married an idiot. 42. I lied. I never liked it. 43. Are you trying to flirt? Because you’re just embarrassing yourself. 44. You don’t hate me. Quit lying to yourself. 45. Doesn’t make a difference to me. 46. I try my best. 47. You look pretty good for your age. 48. Delete it. Now. 49. No, you’re MY bitch. 50. Do you ever stop smiling? 51. You’re the one who left it hanging around! 52. You’re sick, not dying. 53. The weather’s too bad and I refuse to let you drive in it. 54. I love you the most-est. 55. Sausage or bacon? And no, not my sausage. 56. Did you just…put ketchup on your eggs? 57. You didn’t do the dishes, therefore I’m not doing you. 58. I don’t love you anymore. 59. “Did you just hiss at me?” - “Are you judging me?” 60. “You’re lying, you’re blushing.” - “Shut up, no I’m not!” 61. “I want my best friend back.” - “Kevin is over there.” 62. “What do you have?” - “Pizza rolls and Cup O’ Noodles…that’s about it. Popcorn?” 63. “Open this.” - “Can you say please?” 64. “Babe, I’m sorry.” - “Suck my ass.” 65. “It’s not mine, I swear.” - “How is it not fucking yours!” 66. “Boo?” - “You’re my boo.” 67. “I hate you.” - “No, you don’t.” 68. “It’s not fair that you’re hot and funny.” - “Look who’s talking…just kidding, your jokes suck.” 69. “You’re a blanket hog!” - “Leave me alone and stop being so selfish.” 70. “You can’t make me.” - “What are you? Five?” 71. “Well, this is awkward.” - “Don’t touch me.” 72. “…then I picked up your coffee by mistake.” - “All I want is an apology.” 73. “I’m your lock screen?!” - “You weren’t supposed to see that.” 74. “Your voice is sexy.” - “Your ass is sexy.” 75. “Come inside, I’m sorry.” - “Not until you apologize.” - “I just said I’m freaking sorry.” 76. “Take a chance.” - “Umm…let me think…no.” 77. “Move!” - “Why would I move if I’m so comfy where I am?” 78. “What time is it there?” - “We’re in the same time-zone.” 79. “This bath is too damn hot.” - “This is why we can’t do cute things. You complain too much.” 80. “I’m gonna shower.” - “Pft, don’t I get an invite?” 81. “Fuck you.” - “If you want, go ahead.” 82. “Sorry I’m late, I had some things to do.” - “By ‘things’, she means me.” 83. “You’ve been replaced.” - “Alright, we’ll see how you feel when you need me to kill a spider in the shower.” 84. “Sorry.” - “Good choice.”

*Prompts were gathered from multiple different posts @prompt-bank

CHRISTMAS AUs

85. For goodness gracious, IT’S 3 AM PLEASE STOP CAROLING 86. You threw a snowball and it hit me/my window and I was going to be mad but you’re really cute. Do you want to come in for hot chocolate? 87. This is the fourth time you’ve come to ask for sugar this week. How many cookies are you making? 88. We’re at an ugly Christmas sweater party and that thing is horrendous where did you even find that 89. You don’t realize I can see over the fence to watch you make snow angels like you’re five years old 90. You would literally make the best neighborhood Santa 91. Are you the one putting mistletoe absolutely everywhere in this apartment building, or do you just happen to be in the right place at the right time every single time I walk under it 92. I just heard a ten-pound turkey hit the ground and also very strong words. Do you need help? 93. I work at the Christmas tree lot and you just had to pick the heaviest tree there didn’t you au
 94. You were putting up Christmas lights and you just fell off the roof omg do you need me to drive you to the hospital 95. I invited you to Christmas dinner as my boyfriend/girlfriend so that my family would stop pestering me about being single, but we can keep this up until New Year’s, right? 96. I’m going to eat this whole pie by myself and you’re not going to say anything about it

Collected solely from @say-hey-kid

*Prompts were gathered from multiple different posts @prompt-bank

[hq-cuties-pls]

Can I request Asahi Azumane and Kuroo Tetsurou scenarios (separate) in which they get to know their s/o through the internet chat? After a loooong time they decided to meet and see how their relationship would develop irl. They didn't send a single pic to each other so this first meeting... Can be interesting. (Bonus: S/o is vv shy and a little bit scared of touch but didn't told them about it.)

I used Recovery of an MMO Junkie as a huge influence on these. I loved writing them, though! They were super fun!! Enjoy~Admin Emma

Asahi

Breaking his leg was by far the dumbest thing Asahi had ever done. He would regret getting that damn motorcycle until the day he died, especially where a mild crash with it resulted in him being totally hung up in bed for at least six weeks, possibly more. He spent a solid day and a half after getting out of the hospital pouting. He was bored, damn it, and he could only handle so much of Daichi and Suga’s company before they either had to leave or he was ready to bodily throw them out, broken bones be damned. If Suga made one more Evel Knievel reference, Asahi might have to forget he was a nice person.

After he pouted, he got to work on his homework and his studies. His time in the hospital put him a bit behind schedule, and this way he could get caught up and then some. Maybe even get ahead, or do some extra credit. It really seemed to work out perfectly; he was a slow studier, and his mild attention issues often got the better of him, so it could be a great way to kill a lot of time.

Except that he lasted about four days before his brain felt fried and he just couldn’t take it anymore.

After getting caught up on his reading, watching as many trashy dramas on Netflix that he could handle (it wasn’t many), checking out that anime Suga’s… person kept recommending (he made it to episode three), and killing a few pages in his sketchbook, he hadn’t managed to make time go any faster. He was still hung up in bed. He could get up to go to the bathroom and that was about it. He was ready to climb the walls, or maybe just crawl out of his own skin.

About two weeks into his sentence, Daichi recommended an MMO he’d been playing with his girlfriend. It had really appealing character designs and a high skill floor, so it seemed the perfect solution. He made his character as pretty and bishonen-esque as he could just for shits and giggles… the farthest thing from himself that he could. He named his character Vaughn because he’d watched most of Vision of Escaflowne while he’d waited for the game to install and he was obsessed. He took up the starting quest and started exploring.

Within an hour, he had a chat notification pop up.

Nina: Hi there! Are you trying the Devil Dungeon Event?

Asahi was skeptical at first, because he didn’t see which avatar had pinged him, but then he saw someone doing some sort of pre-animated wave emote. He waved back before responding.

Vaughn: Yeah, I was thinking about it. Still have to grind, though.

Nina: Actually, our tank sort of bailed on us. My group could run you to 20 really fast and then we could do it together.

Asahi was still skeptical–he’d heard about scams like these–but he really did want to try the event, and on his own it would definitely end before he could even attempt it. He figured he’d just bail as soon as they started asking for personal information or money or something.

Needless to say, things went a lot quicker with three higher-level characters helping him out and outfitting him. He was invited into their group chat and he learned they were especially funny, but Nina-san was very nice. She seemed to just keep the group together, seeing as the two DPS players were ridiculous humans. They played and grinded through levels and chatted until Asahi looked up and he’d been playing for eight hours. They’d done the dungeon twice and walked away with several loot boxes he couldn’t wait to open.

Nina: Goodness, I didn’t realize it was so late. Thanks for helping us out, Vaughn-san.

Vaughn: Don’t mention it. It was fun.

Nina: Would you like to game with us again sometime? You’re really good. Is this your first character?

Vaughn: In this game, yeah.

Nina: That’s surprising! But the guild is taking part in a raid tomorrow night after we all get off work and school and stuff. What time’s good for you?

Asahi scowled, though not at Nina. He’d just started to forget that he was literally stuck in bed.

Vaughn: Aahh… I’m sort of free whenever. I can’t get out of bed for another month or so.

Nina: OMG are you sick!?

Vaughn: Broken leg. Crashed my motorcycle.

There was such a long pause–so long, Asahi was afraid Nina had disconnected–but she came back eventually.

Nina: That’s so cool! Well, the motorcycle thing… not the broken leg thing.

Vaughn: I appreciate that.

Nina: Anyway, we’re hoping to get started no later than 7:00 or so, so DM me whenever you log on, kay?

With that, she was gone. Asahi should have been tired, given how late it was, but he was strangely exhilarated. Despite the fact he’d just spoken to her in snippets about the game and they’d each given perfunctory details about their lives, he felt connected to Nina in a way. Maybe it was the barrier of the screen… that he could talk to her. He’d never been able to talk to girls like this in real life.

Assuming Nina is a girl. She could be anyone. She could be Daichi for all you know!

Asahi shook his head to banish his intrusive (if sensible) thoughts. He snapped his laptop closed, not bothering to shut it down. He couldn’t get to sleep–he was too giddy–and he had trouble pinning down why.

Over the course of the next few weeks–between doctor’s’ appointments, PT and slowly-but-surely returning to classes and eventually, practices–he kept logging on every day to play at least a quest or two with his guild, but mostly to talk to Nina. She (and he was convinced she was a she) seemed to like talking to him. Sometimes, after the entire guild logged out and it was late and they didn’t have any more quests to do, they’d just go to a private area and talk about nothing. He learned all about her, and she learned all about him. She was ecstatic when she found out they lived close enough to each other.

After a long time, he finally figured out why it was so hard to say goodnight every night; he was in love. It wasn’t long after he made this realization that Nina and him had… the conversation.

Nina: So, you’ve been logging on a lot less lately. I take it your doctors are letting you back out there?

Vaughn: Yeah, I’m mostly free. Doctor Nishimi isn’t thrilled that I’m back at practice, but I don’t have much of a choice. I’m on scholarship and my leave of absence has already been extended.

Nina: You can’t overdo it! If you hurt yourself even worse, you won’t be able to play at all!

Vaughn: Don’t worry, one of my teammates had a friend with a bad knee back in high school. He’s making sure I take it easy.

Nina: Look, I know we’re both busy and all, but… Vaughn I think I might… could we meet sometime? Soon?

Asahi froze. Hadn’t he wanted this to happen? Wasn’t this end game? Or… well, would it be weird? There was a distinct possibility–the only thing he knew for sure about Nina was her love of this game (and any loot box that guaranteed something extra pink and extra adorable). But that wasn’t it… and he knew it.

He knew that if he met her, she’d have to see him. In all his 188 cm glory, with his fucking man-bun (which he still hadn’t gotten rid of, for some reason) and goatee and too-wide shoulders and his scary face… and she’d reject him. And he didn’t want Nina–his Nina–to reject him. Not when it was so good.

Despite all his fears and trepidations, though, he did want to meet her. He wanted to see Nina for real. And go on a date and buy her coffee and call her by her real name. So he agreed to meet on their next day off.

Which was the next day.

~~~

He was looking for a pink cardigan, which sounded just… too cute. He shouldn’t have been surprised, given Nina’s enthusiasm for all things cute and pink in the game. He swallowed hard, debating if he should get decaf today so as to not act completely spastic when he finally met her. He tugged on his wine-colored sweater, trying to not put too much pressure on his left leg, and waited. He didn’t want to be too overt scanning the crowd, in case Nina was there and thought he was a molester or something. Then he’d go to jail and Nina would think he stood her up, which just… wouldn’t be good.

“Um.. excuse me.”

Your small voice at his elbow nearly made him jump, but it was worth the fright, because you were wearing a pink cardigan. His eyes widened at the bright smile. You were so cute!

“N-nina?”

You grinned even wider, a precious pink blush across the tops of your cheeks; “Actually, my name is ____. You must be Vaughn, then.”

“Asahi,” he corrected. “Azumane Asahi.”

“Well, then, Azumane Asahi, should we get a table? This place has amazing crepes, and their coffee is actually really good given the price.”

He smiled, a bubble of pressure releasing from his chest. He followed you to a shaded table under the kitschy awning, ready to get to know you for real.

Kuroo

Kuroo had a dilemma. A quandary, if you would. A predicament. It was the shittiest predicament ever, and he was pretty sure that if he brought up his predicament to Yaku he’d get his balls ripped off for being “ungrateful” but it really wasn’t that simple. See, his dilemma was just this; he liked two people.

Now, to people who’ve never gone through such a trial, it wouldn’t be so bad. Liking two people and all. And some people could take advantage of the fact, especially given how young he was and how prevalent casual dating was. But people weren’t Kuroo. People weren’t the serial monogamist who looked like some sort of casual-sex God (apparently… Kuroo still found that high school reputation highly unsettling) but was in reality a giant cuddle spoon full of shmoop and love.

The other problem was he didn’t exactly know the other person he knew. He gamed with them from time to time, when he got a free hour or so, but they communicated mostly via Skype’s chat function. He’d never even seen their picture. He didn’t even know their real name. But they were an awesome person–they put up with his sense of humor, they could keep up with him, they didn’t seem to mind listening to him pour his anxieties all over them at 2:30 in the morning when school was hard and grad school applications were piling up and what the fuck even is a statement of purpose? And they just… listened. And it felt so nice to just be heard.

And then… well, and then there was you. He didn’t have quite as intimate of a relationship with you as he did with his online friend, but he still liked you. You and him had similar classes, similar taste in music and movies, even similar senses of humor. There were times when he’d tell his online friend a joke only for you to nearly parrot it at him the very next time you saw each other. Most of all, though, you were sweet and caring and beautiful… and for that matter real. Like, he knew you were real. And that was the problem.

His online friend had never seen him, so they got to know him separately of his reputation and his appearance. He could really be himself, whereas sometimes with others–even you–he always felt like he was putting up a front. It wasn’t any fault of yours, it was just an old habit that was hard to break. It was hard showing everything to someone and having them reject it… he knew from experience.

He didn’t know what to do about any of this, but he knew that if it was keeping him up at night he should probably solve it soon. The problem was that there were three people he typically went to when it came to this sort of thing, except Bokuto was at this hyper-intense training camp with the rest of the National team hopefuls, Kenma was caught between research for his undergrad thesis and applications to grad school, and, well… the other person was Nao-chan…

He huffed under his breath, opening his laptop and tapping it impatiently to get it to load faster. He pulled up Skype; Nao-chan’s icon had the little yellow bubble next to their name that showed they were away. Kuroo decided to message them anyway and hope they’d get back to him when they got back.

Kuro-kun: I have a conundrum. Can you talk?

Kuroo smirked at his own name. It was his handle in the game he played with Nao-chan. It wasn’t exactly creative, but too much of his mental energy went to school and maintaining his volleyball scholarship to come up with fancy names for his MMO characters. He went to get his bag to maybe work on some studies, thinking that Nao-chan probably wouldn’t be at their computer for a long time.

Instead, the little indicator lit up with a new message.

Nao-chan: Sure thing, Kuro-kun. The doctor is in. Tell  me about your mother.

Kuroo laughed; Nao-chan could always get him to laugh. They were a lot like you that way.

Kuro-kun: Very funny, Doctor. It’s stupid, but… well, it’s kind of serious.

Nao-chan: Are you dying?

Kuro-kun: Not any more than most people. No, it’s more of a moral quandary.

Nao-chan: Oya oya? Now this I have to hear.

Kuro-kun: I know it’s weird hearing this from me, but could you be serious for a second?

Nao-chan: Sorry, sorry. Bad habit. Seriously, Kuro-kun, you know you can tell me anything. Talk to me

The little heart emoji made this so much harder, but he didn’t want to tell Nao-chan that.

Kuro-kun: See, it’s like this. There’s this girl in like… half my classes. And she’s smart and pretty and she’s really nice. She likes the same music and books and stuff as me, and we have a lot in common and she likes my friends…

Nao-chan: She sounds perfect

Kuro-kun: That’s sort of the problem. I mean, it would be easy to just… pretend that she was the only one. But the problem is I like someone else.

Nao-chan: More than her?

Kuro-kun: Not more or less… just different. See, I can be honest with this person. I’ve told them things I don’t tell anyone. I’ve let them see a side of me I don’t let anyone else see. But I’ve never even seen their face. Maybe if I knew what they looked like… if we talked face to face, it would be easier. Then this other person would be confirmed real and… I sound like a raving lunatic, don’t I?

Nao-chan: Kuro-kun…

Kuro-kun: It’s you, Nao-chan. I like you. I like you a lot. I don’t.. I don’t want this to end. I want to get to know you better and see you and… all that other gross coupley stuff that couples do. Like get coffee and talk about our day without euphemisms. I want to see your smile and hear your laugh and I want to talk to a person when I talk instead of just typing it out. I totally understand if you’re not comfortable. Those are just my feelings.

There was a long pause. A heartbreakingly long pause. Nao-chan went horrifically silent. It was long enough that Kuroo sat and questioned every decision in his life that had lead this moment. He paced around his apartment twice, fed his cat, got a snack, boiled water for tea, and had a very minor panic attack in the time it took for them to respond.

Their response wasn’t something he could have ever anticipated.

Nao-chan: Do you have your webcam set up? If so, don’t respond. Just… start a video call with me.

Kuroo didn’t question it. He immediately hit the little video button, not caring that his laptop was probably in a place where he looked like shit on camera, and his apartment was a mess, and he was pretty sure he was wearing Bokuto’s Spyair sweatshirt, which sent so many wrong messages…

Then, his screen filled with a face. Your face. Your… your perfect, beautiful smiling face. You looked just as surprised as he was, but that gorgeous look of shock and awe was something he wanted to see over and over and over again.

“Hey there, Kuro-kun,” you said, somehow sounding so much better now that he knew who you were. “Nice name, by the way. Did you spend a whole ten seconds thinking about it?”

He couldn’t even defend himself from your teasing. He was too busy trying to not embarrass himself by breaking down into the most ridiculous tears any grown ass man had ever produced. He didn’t have to choose… he could have it all.

When did he get so lucky?

[sweetbutpsycho97]

Blog #2 - it’s a long one. Worth the read.

My boyfriend of a year and a half.

It was a meetcute. I had just been in Canada for 6 months working. Came home 2 weeks before my 20th birthday. (In July 2017) Told my Best Friend (we will call her Shayla) that hey I’ve been single for a bit.. had a bit of fun in Canada... obviously. But I’ve been single for awhile get your boyfriend to bring friends to my birthday night out. Biggest mistake of my life.

2 weeks and now it’s my birthday weekend. She’s got 2 boys for me. I’m short and this guy was tall. Saw him for the first time ever and he sees me across the road comes over.... “wow you look beautiful” ... I punched him in the arm and went red in the face.. Shayla had done well.!That was our first encounter. We spent the night dancing and having fun. I had to kiss him because he wouldn’t do it. I went back to Shaylas house that night and slept with him.. thought that would be it but no. He wanted to pursue me. We ended up dating 2 weeks later (which was way to fast for me) but he was so different to my ex I thought hey he doesn’t seem mentally unstable. He doesn’t look like he’ll smack me if I step out of line. I’m worthy of him I promise.

I was pathetic. He said he loved me a month in. We had been together for 2 months and I moved out into a house with him. Someone who doesn’t have a car or a job. Someone I don’t know. I provided for us. I worked the full time job. He hung out at home with the boys doing car stuff. I got out a $10k loan for him to get a car. I’m still paying it off. He contributed nothing. I got out another $3k loan so he could get a drift car. To make him happy. I constantly bought him toys to please him. He was at home sad. We got a puppy. Who without my knowledge would grow to be a big ass dog... we didn’t have a backyard at this house. I got 8 loans in a year and a half. I paid them off. Because he would beg me. Then when I complained about being so so stressed about money he would say oh well I would have been okay without this or this or this... okay so why did you beg and make me feel so so awful?

He had a female friend of like 10 years. “She’s one of the boys babe.” Okay so why did you go to her house and take your shirt off around her and then leave it there. Why is she messaging you kiss faces. Why is today the first message she’s ever sent you on Facebook. Oh because you delete all your female messages. Oh because you’re shady? No of course I didn’t think any of this. I believed him. She’s just one of the boys. He didn’t send kiss faces back so that makes it okay. He went to a drifting event got shit faced and thrown from the back of a ute and was hospitalised. I had to drive 2 hours to the hospital and sit by his unconscious body for hours. When he was let out we went home and I took 2 weeks off work to care for him. So I’m paying rent, petrol, food, dog things... he still has no job. Mind you by this stage we had only been together for oh like you know maybe 3 months.

I broke up with him because I was just not feeling appreciated. He pursued me once again and his bullshit was so good we got back together but I stayed at home. I wasn’t moving out again. He moved home. Still no job. But has the car I bought him and I put the petrol in that car. We may not live together but hey he can’t ask his dad for money cause he’ll lecture my boyfriend and make him down and sad. I can’t see him down and sad. I have to buy him more things to make him happy!

I was in hospital for 2 weeks at the start of the next year (January, 2018) with a bad kidney infection. He came and saw me once for 2 hours then left. But I had to buy him things to make him happy all the time. He couldn’t be there for me when I’m in a very bad situation. But when he gets thrown from the back of a ute I drive 2 hours just to get to the hospital.

Fast forward maybe 2 months. He had a job as a car detailer. Something he claimed to love yet was somehow always really sick, or in pain or this or that. (He was eventually fired.) I was really sick vomiting couldn’t eat. It was bad. I decided to just rule everything out... do a test. Pregnant. Roughly 7 weeks. We were still living at separate houses with our parents. I FaceTimed him and asked are you with your dad? No he’s in bed. Turned the camera around showed him the test and he didn’t react. He was emotionless. Then says dads awake. Message me. Hangs ups. He asks if I want it. We didn’t talk for 2 days because he had to think..... eventually he came to my house and said he’s so excited and just had to get his head around everything but he loves me and he wants this family. I told mum and dad. They were devastated. They knew we weren’t right together. They knew how much he damaged me. But they knew if they said that to me about the father of this baby that would be it for our relationship. So they didn’t talk about it but supported me. We looked at rentals to move out. Bought things for this baby.. I miscarried at 9 weeks. We were so excited we didn’t think about the possibility I might lose it. I went down a deep rabbit hole of depression. We moved out together again but I wasn’t the same. Our relationship wasn’t the same. I wasn’t as obsessed with him. I stood up for myself more. I stopped being a little bitch being walked over but I was also being direct, aggressive, cold and it was almost like I blamed him for everything. I tried to get my life back together. My work was so supportive of me. They let me have a week off to get my head around everything. It was bad.

So 11 months and it’s my birthdays in 2 weeks. I go away with my mum for the day and I didn’t want to because I felt so sick could barely eat. We talked about my boyfriend at breakfast and I burst into tears telling her I’m so stressed I don’t think I can sit this relationship anymore It’s hurting me to much. It’s not love he just hurts me emotionally and mentally. We enjoyed the rest of the day. My mum will always be my rock. I will love her forever. I go home to my boyfriend and tell him about how great our day was but I was so sick I could barely enjoy our breakfast or lunch.. he says babe look you’ve been a bit off lately... i don’t think anything of it. That weekend we go to Shayla and her boyfriends house. We’re supposed to go out clubbing but I still felt so sick. I asked Shayla to put one of her tests in my bag and I’m going home. My boyfriend came with me and we did this together this time. I find out I’m pregnant.. it’s my 21st birthday and I’m pregnant. It was a house party and everyone was shit faced and I had to act shit faced so no one would know. I ended up miscarrying at 11 weeks. (August,2018)

We got to have a ultrasound and see our baby’s heartbeat. It fucked me up. I barely went to work anymore. I was at home being a bum with him. My work paid me as it was a mourning situation but for me I think more emotionally then logically. I was broken. I wanted my baby back more then anything. Even if it was with this bum who couldn’t keep a job but always tries to make me smile. Who has always reassured me. Who has always had my back. Who has always always said “if I’m unhappy I’ll leave. I will never cheat. I love you” .... I love you. I needed my baby. We had names picked out both times and the pregnancies were different so we just assumed that meant one was a boy and one was a girl. Ryder and Scarlett. Mummy loves you.

(November,2018) I was completely detached from my boyfriend. Losing these babies has fucked me up mentally, emotionally and physically. I couldn’t think of having sex. I couldn’t stand being kissed or touched. I’m so confused and sad. Why. Why give me these gifts and take them from me. To add onto this.... I have a message on my Facebook in that “message request” area. I hadn’t noticed until now.. oh but it was sent in August.. my bad... messages from a girl we will call Leona. With screenshots of my boyfriends tinder profile. With screenshots of their messages of him trying to organise sex. The way he spoke to her was disgusting from my perspective. She said he added her on snap and she stalked his social media after obtaining his last name because his snapchat is firstname_lastname. And that’s when she saw me. All over his social media. Oh because he’s just so dedicated to me. Apparently she asked him about me and he just blocked her on Facebook, snapchat, Instagram, tinder.. I called him and asked him and said just be upfront babe I promise if it’s true we will work through it. Just tell me the truth. He swore on our dogs lives (we have 2 now), on his dads life, on his own life.... on our babies that he would never ever cheat. “I’ve said that from day one. If I’m unhappy I’ll leave. Remember” “it’s a fake profile I promise you babe” .... I decided to believe him. We sort of started to get better. Maybe the thought of nearly losing him made me think wow I love him I don’t want that life! And we were so in love again. Couldn’t bare to be away from each other.

(February, 2019) We’re in bed together watching tv. He decides to have a nap and I decided to call our electricity company because I got a weird letter a few days prior and he said use his phone because I had run out of credit the day before. I went into our lounge room and made the call.: an hour later I’m off the phone to upstairs and he’s still asleep... all of a sudden I get an urge... I think about Leona and her words. Hey you have his phone.. she said he blocked her on everything... check his Facebook blocked list. If she’s on it ... okay no just have a look don’t work yourself up.. so in I go. Bitch is the first fucker on the list. Okay here we go.. download the tinder app on his phone use his number to log in. 6 digits sent to his phone piece of piss I have his phone. Log in with the code and there they are. Messages upon messages with girls. Asking if they’re “dtf” how old are you cunt no one says that anymore.

What is just the icing on the cake.... all the dates of these conversations... I was in bed misscarrying our second baby. I was destraught and fucked up and not wanting to be touched. He decides to get his tinder profile up and running and try get others because well... we will get there. I get all of this go upstairs wake him up from his nap calmly. Sat down on our bed in our house. My face must have said something was wrong he was sitting up and trying to hug me asking what’s wrong I told him not to touch me. I asked “what do you consider cheating” and his face changed to confusion and said “just talking to someone else. Why... have you...” his eyes went to my hands and he saw his phone in my hands.. I threw it at him he unlocked it and I had tinder open. He saw it all and he tried to get mad and ask why I went through it. But he knew that approach would get no where. Our house mate and best friend (we will call him Jose) got home half an hour later after I had been screaming and crying at him. I ran downstairs and had already previously told him about this girl messaging me.. I told him oh yeah it was all true back upstairs I go and down goes my boyfriend to try and justify and explain himself to Jose. All I hear Jose say “you are a fucking idiot. You’ve ruined the best thing going for you” my boyfriend came back upstairs and I told him to get the fuck out whilst I packed. He tried to say “so what this is it? You’re giving up on us”...... Jose took him away or I would have lost the last thread of myself and attacked him. They left my mum came up and helped me move home. I took our cat with me. I couldn’t take my dogs. I miss them like crazy.

[zackorr-blog]

An open letter about my 365 Days of Song project.

Dear Patrons, Friends, Fans, and Family, I hope this message finds you all doing well. I'm writing now with an update on the 365 Days of Song project. Additionally, I am happy to deliver the remastered MP3s of Songs of the Week, 1 - 12.

It's been a wild ride for me since the project finished. What can I say? I'm literally the poster child for what could go wrong in a crowdfunding project. At the time that I was meant to start recording the studio album, I found out my wife of 15 years had an affair. We separated then and finally divorced sometime later. With no warning, I went from a fairly stable two-income lifestyle to having to survive on my own. I literally had to make a choice, find more work or lose my home. We had two cats and two dogs. She left them all with me as well.  As you can imagine, it was nearly impossible to give them all the care they needed, let alone begin recording a new album. The proverbial shit hit the fan. All I can do is ask for your forgiveness and understanding. I am sorry things didn't work out as planned.

Now, nearly three years since finishing the actual year in song, I am just getting to the point where my life is back in balance. As promised, I have begun remastering the audio from each Song of The Week. To be honest, even doing this work is a fairly brutal emotional process. I'm forced to relive the way I was feeling as my marriage was crumbling apart. In every video, you see me self-medicating, heavily. On top of that, many of the videos feature my now deceased favorite cat of all time, Miles Davis Jr. Jr. Let's just say the 365 Days of Song project has turned out to be one hell of a trip down sad memory lane.

Musically, my plan moving forward is to deliver quarterly distributions of the Song of the Week MP3s to you the patrons. At one point, I did begin recording a studio album called 365 Days of Song. However, I am not sure that it will ever be finished. I want to be honest with you. At this point, I just don't know if I want to record those songs. I'm giving it a solid.... maybe.

Still, I will make you this promise. To all patrons who pledged at the level where you are supposed to get a digital copy of the 365DoS studio album: you will receive a free digital copy of my next full release whatever it will be. To all patrons who are supposed to get a physical CD or Vinyl copy of the 365DoS studio album: you will receive a free physical copy (CD or Vinyl) of my next full release as well as all digital material. All patrons will receive the 52 Song of the Week MP3s. Additionally, if I do end up recording the 365 DoS studio album, you will also receive your initially promised rewards.  

Having said all this, I also want to make you aware that I am releasing the 52 Songs of the Week, for free, to the public. I'm also in the process of writing some long-form blog posts about that year. I feel the need to tell the story of what happened. I hope you find it interesting. I also hope that it will serve as a warning for other artists considering crowdfunding a future project. You just never know what might happen. One day your life is cruising along like normal... the next day... everything's upside down.

Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back on the 365DoS there are things I would have done differently. For continuities-sake, I would have settled on one single recording setup for every day's recording. Critical listeners will hear differences in rooms and micing setups between songs. You will also hear  "clicking" sounds at times during the recording.  That is the sound of me stomping effects pedals that control my guitars tone as well as a looping pedal. I tried to use a forensic audio repair program to remove that sound and it just made the audio sound weird. Last but not least, keep in mind that all of these songs were recorded live in one take. What I played that day is what is on the recording, warts and all. My advice for you is to just think of these recordings like demos and you will be fine. ;)

My personal favorites from this round of tunes are: Week 3 - Birds by Neil Young Week 10 - Pink Rabbits by The National Week 11 - Dreamtime by Moped Victory Quartet Week 12 - It's All In Your Mind by Beck

I want to send you all my love and my sincere gratitude. Your appreciation for my journey through this world of music and song truly means the world to me. Thank you. Sincerely.... thank you. You can find the dropbox link to the Mp3s below. Download them, and import them into your music library to enjoy.

Best, Zack

Song of the Week Track List: 1.) I Was a Playboy - Joe Henry 2.) Slip Slidin' Away - Paul Simon 3.) Birds - Neil Young 4.) Already Red Enough - Zack Orr 5.) Joan of Arkansas - Moped Victory Quartet/Dave Horn 6.) Needle and the Damage Done - Neil Young 7.) Audience with the Pope - Elbow 8.) Jack Horner (Choose Wisely) - Zack Orr 9.) Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones 10.) Pink Rabbits - The National 11.) Dreamtime - Moped Victory Quartet 12.) It's All In Your Mind - Beck

Dropbox Link:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8s6gba9h3ub19r9/Zack%20Orr%20-%20365%20Days%20of%20Song%20-%20Songs%20of%20the%20Week%20-%20Q1.zip?dl=0

[this--lxve]

i have always fancied her, ever since that first time i slid into her twitter DMs like a creepy indie snake. "alright doll, your music taste is perfecto 👌🏻". who the fuck did i think i was? when i have i ever said "doll"? and when has anyone in the world ever said "perfecto"? but for some reason she replied to that hideous line. we spoke for about a year, and then we went to see The View in glasgow together. i was by myself, and she had some weird friend with her that had strange blue hair. it was The View, so the crowd was mental. i spent the whole gig holding her hand and making sure she didn't get squashed by some big bastard from Paisley. after the gig i went to an after party the band were DJing at. i invited her but her mates mam was picking them up so they had to shoot off. she was only 16 at the time so she wouldn't have been able to come anyway. would have been nice to spend more time with her though. then for the next 4 years i didn't see her once, but we spoke nearly everyday. there was a brief period where she hated me for the amount i swear, and my inability to keep my opinions on fucking anything to myself. when we started speaking again she had a boyfriend and had moved to Lyon as part of her uni course. she's got some talent for languages like. in my opinion she's fluent in french and spanish, although she disagrees. and she speaks a bit of catalan, italian and fucking arabic. that's crazy impressive. so yeah, she was living in lyon and i was still in shetland, going out every weekend and spending every penny i had on drink and drugs. it was a dark period in my life. i was taking coke and pills every weekend, and tried some mental shit. meth, ket, acid. apart from heroin, crack and mushies, i'm sure i've taken everything. don't get me wrong, those weekends were amazing. i met some great people and went to some monumental parties. but she hated it. every little bit of it. she hated who i was when i was on shit, and she hated the fact that i didn't give a toss about my own well being. but instead of telling me to fuck off, she made me realise that you just can't live like that. i've not really taken anything since the end of august. the odd line here and there when i felt like i needed it, but nowhere near as much as before. i have a feeling that's about to change in the coming weeks though. i'm not really sure how it happened, but when she was in lyon i fell madly for her. instead of just being that friend i thought was hot, she was the one. suddenly everything she did was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever done. we spoke every single day, all day. she fell for me too. i don't know what i did, which is annoying, but she did. she started watching football and listened to the indie bands i always listen to and made me teach her shetland dialect. and then when she told me she was splitting up with her boyfriend, fuck was that a good day. she sent me nudes and we asked at each other on facetime quite a lot. and she told all her friends and family about me. those months were the peak man. the absolute apex of my miserable existence. her and ex stayed friends though, which is always worrying. and then about a month after they split up, they went to bordeaux together. there was a group of about six of them. but even so. going on holiday with your ex a month after splitting up isn't gonna make the new guy you've said you love feel very good. i would have been fine with it if me and her had met up at some point between them splitting up and meeting up again. so yeah, i was pretty raging, and said a lot of things i probably shouldn't have. but i think it was warranted. i loved her so much and i was just worried she'd sleep with him. but she made me realise i had nothing to worry about. she had no feelings for him anymore and only cared about me. yaaaasssssss right? nah, not really. in the following 7 days she told me she didn't love me anymore, her ex was coming to lyon for some christmas market, we should just be friends who send each other nudes, and finally that she had fucked her ex. yup. the prick i had nothing to worry about was several inches inside the girl i loved. then when she moved back to scotland she slept with him another 3 or 4 times. great. before she slept with him, we'd agreed to see paolo nutini at hogmanay in edinburgh. so she said she'd come and stay at my hotel for the entire time i was down. but after her fucking her ex i wasn't too keen on it. in fact with my flights and my hotel weren't non refundable i wouldn't have bothered. shaun told me not to go. like a fucking oracle he knew something would fuck it up and i shouldn't go. but i did. and the first three days were amazing. it was like we were a couple. we kissed, fucked, held hands. it was great. i have her the stuff i bought her for christmas. one of them was this dress, and she looked amazing in it. she decided to wear it out that night. we met up with my mates from home who were down as well, and she got on with them like a fucking house on fire. she was prettier, wittier and more fun than their girlfriends, and i was fucking proud of myself man. it was going so well. until we got to paolo. about 4 songs in she saw a massive group of her mates from campbeltown. so she went over to speak to them. i went with her. she didn't introduce me to one of them, and they all stood with her backs to me as she forgot my very existence. so i stood by myself until midnight when she reappeared and kissed me and said happy new year, and we watched the fireworks together. then paolo came back on and she fucked off again. it wasn't great. i texted my mates and told them what had happened. shaun was clearly fucked, but told me to keep my chin up and not let it get to me. matthew phoned me after we'd left and really settled me. told me they were all there for me when i get back and to just get through the weekend and that i'd done really well to just go there and try it. what a man. the next day we argued all day. she didn't see how leaving me by myself to dance with her mates when we had gone there together was a cunt move. we had about 4 proper shouting matches. the last one was at 10 at night. we were lying in bed and i said to her that when she leaves we shouldn't speak, and that i'd delete her number and she should delete mine. then some harsh words were said, a wine bottle was thrown, she packed her things and i haven't seen her since. i went to bed, tweeted some shit about being unhappy. and haley was straight on snapchat making sure i was okay. i got some serious venting done to her. we've not been friends long but she's helped me through two shit times now. she has her own problems so she can't be relied upon consistently, but she's honest as fuck and that's golden. so now i'm sitting in the airport, watching all the happy, sad and in between people going about their business, listening to The National, drinking my overpriced pint of cider, and thinking about her. in fact the only reason i'm writing all this down here is so that i don't text her. she's only been out of my life for about 14 hours and i miss her. fuck knows how i'll feel in 14 days. could be anything in between missing her so much i killed myself, or we could start speaking again and try to work through it, or we could forget each other exists and live happy, separate lives. who knows? but i'm pretty sure in the darkest furthest away party of my mind she'll always be wearing that dress i bought her for christmas, smiling at me and sitting on the end of that hotel bed. fuck she looked amazing this weekend. even when she was bouncing about at paolo, ignoring me with those freaks from campbeltown, i still just wanted to hold her and sing into her little face and make her do that smile thing she does with her tongue behind her teeth. this pint tastes like shit by the way. £4.70 for a pint of pish. thatchers britain xxx