#and does not deserve the amount of effort you’re putting in to hate on random strangers

[pen-observing]

request: how lucifer, leviathan, belphegor, simeon and solomon are when you leave for the human world once more.

MASTERLIST

Lucifer:

From the moment that you turn your back and make a step towards the human world; Lucifer feels something shift. He can’t exactly say what it is. Your step makes the ground shift, the air feels different and he is more unsure about you leaving than he was when you first came to the Devildom.

Lucifer feels something but that is the only name he gives it. Something is there and attaching any other name to that feeling would almost be him admitting defeat.

So he walks on with the head held high and the emotion inside of his chest.

You were unpredictable yes but at the same time you were grounded and Lucifer noticed that sometimes you balanced with him.

So he thinks about what that means and the different connotations it holds while filling out paperwork with cursive letters.  

For a moment he stops and notices how differently letters of your writing look compared to his; but he presses on.  

Denying the emotion of missing you is easier to him than actually admitting it. And this very fact means that he takes on even more work, with less sleep.  

Mammon knows that he is also less tolerable than before. He never thought it was possible.  

Lucifer refuses to admit it all even when he calls you at 2:46am on a Thursday because – he is allowed to right?  

Hearing your voice is what was important at that very moment. That and nothing else.

He continues to carry on and carry on until he hears his brothers so openly mention you and how they miss you.

What is stopping him from doing the same? Pride, but alas, he comes through.

Why did he ever think missing you would be a hit to his pride?  

He becomes more honest with himself and knows that as the day for your return comes, once more, he will not be ashamed to show how much he has missed you.

And while this does not include grand gestures. It includes a smile and a warm cup of tea next to his in the study to welcome you back.

Leviathan:

Levi is clingy before you leave because he holds an irrational amount of fear that comes with losing you.  

Everyone sees how hurt he looks when you walk into the portal and everyone knows that his glassy eyes will not be lingering in that place for too long. Instead, he will go to his room.

And he does. But something unexpected happens.  

When Levi cooks breakfast there is an extra set of plates on the table and your favorite mug is never moved from the counter.  

In his room, your controller is right next to his and nobody else is allowed to use that one.  

If you think some dust will be on it you are absolutely wrong.

Levi does such little things to ensure that he remembers you will be back soon.

Henry 2.0 obviously agrees with him when at 3pm Levi pulls up another miniscule detail of your walk with him through the Devildom zoo.

He needs some small physical trinkets yes but more than them – he remembers your words.  

Everyone was initially right about him being locked up in his room but they admit how naïve they were.

Levi is not the same demon he was when you first came.  

He remembers that you said his room shouldn’t get too dirty or dusty because the pesky dust-demons will come to bother him; so he cleans and airs it out as much as he can.

He remembers your favorite meals and still makes them even if human food is no longer necessary at their table.

He promised to take care of himself so he actually goes outside once in a while.  

He takes photos of unusual things to show you once you are back.

He counts the weeks until you come back doing day-to-day things that show him you actually were in their lives. And he refuses to act like losing you temporarily means losing you forever.

Belphegor:

Belphegor drinks up every bit of information that comes along with your name. If someone mentions you, if your favorite pen stands on the side unused. Anything that is connected to you he notices.  

That is his way of coping with the fact that you are back in the human world. 

But anytime your name is there – you are not – and he hates it. Because really, what is the whole point of it all? Your name in the air but no sign of your shadow walking through the rooms.

To him, some places feel less comfortable without you now and he avoids them when he naps.

And he swears to everything unholy that if Asmodeus mentions your name once more he is going to lose it.

He gets overwhelmed by the fact that your name lingers more and more so he decides to avoid any conversation concerning you.

He simply cannot deal with knowing how much your presence itself is the main topic of those he speaks with.

He leaves the room when someone mentions your name. If he can’t leave the room, he simply ignores it.  

Beel obviously knows and he tries to help but Belphie sees no attempt that can make him feel better unless it involves the actual you.

This is why he calls and texts you the most. This is his way of making up and dealing with the places that seem darker without you.

Belphie simply needs to avoid mentions of you around him but have contact with you if he wishes to remain somewhat balanced.

Simeon:

Simeon is aware how easier for him it is when you leave than it is for others.

For the start, Simeon knows you are not close to him like you are with the rest.

Emotional proximity is one thing but actual proximity is another factor. You’ve lived in different houses so the void he feels falls down to thinking: why didn’t I make more of an effort to be with them? Why didn’t I invite them over more?

He knows that he is blessed because when you leave for the human world, it means that Simeon goes to his own home too.

He doesn’t have to walk through the halls of RAD and remember how you once leaned on the pillar or tripped on the steps when you first came.  

He doesn’t pass by the hall where your room is; he doesn’t walk down the streets you loved to see in the Devildom

So why does he still feel the void? Isn’t he selfish?  

He thinks that he truly is.

He has the privilege to watch down from the clouds and feel when you are in emotional turmoil or happy.

Because of knowing how much it is easier for him with the privileges than it is for others; he doesn’t call as often as others do. How could he allow himself to be even more selfish?

He maintains a certain distance but really; when somehow small things work out in your favor – who is behind them?  

When you pack your bag and are about to head out the door but suddenly get the need to put an umbrella in it even if the sky is bright blue?  

When you meet a new person whom you see a potential friendship/relationship with and suddenly have a nightmare about them? They’re covered in mud and dirt and are looking at you with cold eyes; no empathy. It is of course Simeon – sending you a sign from the distance.  

I suppose it means the distance is not so great after all.

Solomon:

Solomon definitely feels no guilt or selfishness when it comes to how many options he has when you leave.

Sure, he is busy to say the least but even as he carries out different tasks, experiments and spells; he knows that at the end of the day – you are human just like him.

He can come and go through the human world on whims and he definitely will.

Why shouldn’t he?

He can text you, call you and just talk to you without preparation.  

He can send you memes and make you laugh at random times without fearing of interrupting the 3 realms.

Even with this, he doesn’t come to see you as often as he would like.  

He leads a dangerous lifestyle especially when he does not have the title of ‘transfer student’ to protect him. So, he cannot endanger you.  

He could protect you yes; but why put you through it at all when it isn’t necessary.  

Still, you would say you meet up with him often.

Sure, it is rarely grabbing a lunch together but he invites you to just keep him company in some abandoned castle as he makes his experiments.  

It is very annoying how he just shows up.  

You’re cleaning your window and suddenly he is on it??? The nerve.

You are walking down the street about to trip on something and he shows up and catches you by your arm and brings you up.

Once, he teleported right in front of you as you were throwing trash in the bin and a banana peel got stuck on his head. It’s what he deserves.

Really, he does it at the most inconvenient, unexpected times; it scares you.

But you can’t get mad. He always has a bit of a streak with annoying those he loves and when he does show up after 2 weeks like that you know that it is from him missing you and finally being able to see you in the special impatient, childlike way.

[parvulous-writings]

Karl Heisenberg // SFW alphabet

Request: So there was no actual request, I just knew this would cheer up my closest friend. 

Dedicated to: @rey-is-not-a-skywalker

Summary: A sfw A-Z for Karl Heisenberg, from Resident Evil Village!

Warnings: Explicit language

Notes: Please, have some Soft!Heisenberg, bor. It’s one of the many, many things you deserve.  To those who have requested oneshots- I am working on them, please be patient! My requests are currently open! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist!

Not my gif

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) 

He’s never affectionate publicly. Behind closed doors, though- well maybe he’s not your stereotypical lovey-dovey type, but hey-ho, he shows it in his own little way. A few hugs, but mostly through making you things. Music boxes, little figures and robots that wind up, you name it, he’ll try and make it. 

B - Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

He’s not a friendly man, typically. He’s cold, and driven only by his motives. It takes a long time for him to warm up to you, but when he eventually does he is always by your side, whenever you should need him. Be it for violence, or for an ear to pour your thoughts into- even though half the time you swear he’s not listening completely. 

C - Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Heisenberg likes warm cuddles above all others. The kind where he can pull you close and hold you there for a while- he likes feeling you against his chest. It’s comforting to him, after years of no affection and a torturous living experience. 

D - Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, ect?)

Karl is not particularly skilled in any domestic skill. He’s very mediocre at cooking, and he can’t clean to save his life- his factory is littered with dust and other probably very harmful particles. He isn’t very good in a domestic environment at all, really. 

E - Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Blunter than a broken pencil I’m afraid. He’s never had to hide something from you in the past, so why should this be any different? He would not want to beat around the bush here, he’d annoy himself with pleasantries and euphemisms. 

F - Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? Do they wanna get married?)

He’s perfectly fine staying as partners, without marriage looming over the pair of you. Quite frankly, he doesn’t think it’s worth it.  “A piece of damn paper to show someone your fucking devotion? Bullshit.” 

G - Gentle (How gentle are they both physically and emotionally?)

Unless you’re shaking like a leaf or have specifically asked him to be gentle with or around you, he’s not going to be. He’ll treat you much how he treats most others- with a little bit of affection for zest and flavour every now and then. 

H - Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it, and what are they like?)

While he likes cuddles, he isn’t a huge fan of hugs. He thinks they’re too short to show any real affection, and often get in the way of whatever task the recipient is trying to perform.  

I - I Love You (How fast do they say the “love” word?)

S l o w l y. This man has gone through some stuff, and doesn’t want to get attached to people despite falling for you. Give him a chance. 

J - Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What are they like when jealous?)

Okay so he may be “non-committal” in a loose sense of the term, but this man is one jealous motherfucker. And he gets angry. I’m talking  punching the wall, lashing out and breaking shit kind of angry. It’s mostly because of a nagging fear that not only will he lose you to someone you think is better or less monstrous than he is, but also in part due to a feeling that because of what he was forced to become, he isn’t good enough to keep you for himself. 

K - Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He kisses you on your hands or neck mostly. Those are his favourite places to kiss you. He occasionally kisses you on the inside of your wrist. If you have any scars as well, he’ll kiss them. 

L - Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

It depends. Sometimes he’s the perfect uncle figure, others he’s a whirlwind of rage. If you’re taking him to see some children for a prolonged amount of time, please check how he’s acting and feeling on the day so there isn’t some sort of horrific accident. 

M - Morning (What are mornings like with them?)

There’s nothing special about them, he’s usually up long before you are. He doesn’t leave anything like a hot beverage behind, unless it’s a special occasion that he’s remembered- like a birthday or anniversary. 

N - Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

He often tells you to go to bed before him, as he’s usually working on something, and would rather not have to worry about you being down in his factory and workshop. 

O - Open (When do they open up about themselves?)

When he’s extremely angry. He gets riled up, then will start to spill facts and secrets while hardly even realising it. 

P - Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He has a very short fuse and a violent temper, to say the least. There’s a reason the man swears so much. Though he will often apologise if he’s scared you after an outburst. 

Q - Quizzes (How much do they remember about you?)

He remembers the basic things at the very least- Your name, your habits on eating and drinking, what you do to amuse yourself. He’s quite observant, actually. 

R - Remember (Favorite memory with you?)

He made you a small music box once. The past part of his day, or his entire week, was seeing your smile as you opened it and listened to it for the first time. It was the widest he’d ever seen you smile, and he loved the feeling it gave him. 

S - Security (How protective are they?)

Very. One particular other Lord- “Lady Super-Sized Bitch,” as Heisenberg has dubbed her- is very interested in your presence, and Heisenberg has made it very much his business to keep you practically under lock and key to keep you safe. And when Ethan Winters comes around? Ooh, boy. You ain’t leaving his sight. 

T - Try (How much effort do they put in?)

He does try- through making trinkets and gadgets to both help you and show his affection. Sometimes it may not always seem that way though, with his outbursts and his tantrums. 

U - Ugly (What are their bad habits?)

He smokes. You tried to get him to quit once, then stopped when you realised it made him more irritable. 

V - Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s not that concerned. If he’s still kicking... Well that’s all that matters to him. 

W - Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He’d feel that something’s wrong, something’s not right- a cog missing from a machine, in a sense. And he hates that feeling. 

X - Xtra (Random HC)

This man would die for some ice-cream. You bring him a tub of the stuff- BAM, instant good mood for the next like two days. 

Y - Yuck (Things they don’t like either in general or a partner?)

This man is not fussy, in the slightest. 

Z - Zzz (Sleep habits)

He basically doesn’t, he gets so little it’s a wonder he can actually function normally. 

[otakusheep15]

SFW Alphabet - Barbatos

I know I haven’t posted in a while, but since today’s Barb’s b-day, I decided I would

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

The thing is, he actually really loves giving affection. He’s usually just busy, so he never has the time. But when he does have time, expect him to be all over you (respectfully of course). His favorite form of affection is when one of you is cooking and the other will come up and give a hug from behind. He melts no matter which position he’s in. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Most of y’alls hangouts include baking or having tea. He also likes when you follow him around while he works so that he has company. In his free time, he likes to take you to different stores and restaurants in both the Human World and the Devildom so that you two can sample what they have. He’s also lowkey chaotic, so he might drag you into pulling pranks every now and then. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Again, he’s actually really affectionate, so cuddles aren’t off the table. For him, cuddling after a long day is a great way to unwind. It’s also one of the few times he lets his guard down a bit and actually begins to relax. Basically what I’m saying is, please give this man cuddles. He deserves it. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He’s honestly one of the best choices if you want to settle down. He can cook, clean, and any other chores you so desire. And he also loves the idea of settling down. He’s been working for so long and, while he loves his job, it can be pretty taxing on him sometimes. The idea of just leaving it all behind to settle down with the one he loves sounds like a dream to him. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Probably the bluntest out of anyone. Like, he does not care about how the other will react. He’s more used to people breaking up with him since he cares about his job more than them in most cases, so if he’s the one initiating the break up, then it’s for a reason. And that reason is probably not a good one. He will probably make the person cry. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Marriage isn’t all that interesting to him. he doesn’t find it all that necessary like others do. To him, just being together is enough, so he doesn’t need anyone to certify it for him. However, if you wanted to get married, he would never refuse.  

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s surprisingly gentle. He understands how sensitive emotions can be, so he’s super careful with the one’s he cares about. The last thing he wants is to hurt someone he loves, so he’s super gentle. He’s also aware of how physically strong he is, so he tries his best to control himself so that he doesn’t accidentally lash out and hurt you. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He doesn’t have a lot of time, so hugs are usually rare. But he loves them anyway. they’re a great way for him to recharge throughout the day. Just pop in every now and then and give him a quick hug and he’ll just die but you won’t know that.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes him a long time to say it. Not necessarily because he’s scared or not ready, but just because he doesn’t see the point in rushing it. He knows you love him and that he loves you too, so he knows the words themselves aren’t needed. When he does say it, it’ll be absolutely perfect. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He may seem like he doesn’t get jealous, but he does. In fact, he gets insanely jealous, especially of the brothers. You spend so much time with them, and he never has any time to spend with you since he’s always working. He hates that you two never seem to have time to be together, and that ends up making him jealous. Just give him some attention and he should calm down some. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are so amazing. He always knows just what to do and when/where to do it. You will always be satisfied with him. His favorite place to kiss you is the nape of your neck since he likes the reaction it gets out of you. He also likes when you kiss his cheek since he finds it cute. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Oh, he hates kids. Absolutely despises them. The only exception is Luke since he is tolerable for the most part. But other than that, kids are one of his least favorite things. They’re messy, loud, and distract him from his work like Dia and the brothers lol.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He usually has to wake up pretty early in the mornings, so they can go one of two ways. If you’re an early riser like him, you two will get ready and go to the kitchen to have breakfast together before he has to start work. If you tend to sleep in, he’ll get out of bed without waking you and send in another servant to bring you breakfast in bed with a schedule of where he has to be today so that you can come find him. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Night time is pretty much the only time he ever gets to just relax and not have to worry about work. Expect to be pulled away to his room and not leave until morning. This is maybe the only time he can spend with you without the fear of being pulled away from you, and he’s going to enjoy it damnit. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

I doubt he’d ever reveal everything about himself. After all, he is quite mysterious. Obviously, he’d trust you enough to open up about some aspects of himself, but mostly just surface level things. If you really want to know something about him, your best bet is going to Diavolo, and even then it’s most likely a lost cause. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

This man is the definition of patient. It takes a lot to rile him up enough to actually snap. He’s been working a Dia’s butler forever now, so he knows how to keep his emotions under control. He may feel irritated or annoyed fairly often, but he will not let it show unless he is truly angered. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Of course he remembers absolutely everything about you. You so much as mention something you enjoy, he already has it to give to you. He has a great memory, and that’s only enhanced by how in love with you he is. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He isn’t one to have any one specific favorite, but he does love any time you two bake together. It’s such a calming thing, and you two can simply just have fun alone without having to deal with Dia or the brothers. It always brings such a smile to his face when he remembers all of the baking sessions you two have had. Even if you don’t know how to bake, that’s fine with him, cause he’s with you. 

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s very protective, but in a subtle way. He’s never one to be bold or over the top, but he still feels the need to protect you if he ever feels you’re in danger. Honestly, he’s scary enough on his own, so most other demons tend to leave you alone if you’re with him. And because you’re always around him, his scent started to rub off on you, alerting other demons to stay away even when he isn’t there. 

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He’s used to planning huge events, so he can go as all out as you want. You want a party with every demon in the Devildom? It’s done. You just want a lowkey date alone with him? He can do that to. It all depends on what you want him to do. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has a hard time separating himself from his work. After all, he’s been working for Dia for so long, so it makes sense that it would be hard for him to leave it alone, even for a few hours. Sometimes, you may have to pull him away from his work and force him to rest. If that doesn’t work, you might have to talk to Dia about getting him some time off. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He is concerned with his looks, but only because of who he works for. He knows that he has to keep up appearances lest he embarrass Dia at all. Other than that, he could honestly care less about his looks. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Quite honestly, he was already incomplete before he even met you, and he’s still somewhat incomplete now. He’s never once felt whole, and that didn’t change very much when you arrived. Yes, he loves you, but you didn’t change much of how complete he feels inside. So, yeah, he’d feel incomplete without you, but he feels incomplete regardless. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

This isn’t so much a headcanon as just me being an angsty mess, but I just love the idea of him being lowkey jealous of Lucifer. I mean, ever since Luci fell and started working for Dia, he’s been getting so much credit for basically everything. I like the idea that maybe he gets a bit jealous of Luci and the attention and praise that he gets despite doing the same amount of work. (and yeah, I know this totally isn’t the case at all, and I’m sure he gets plenty of attention, but I love the idea of jealous, and kinda sad Barb). 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn’t like someone who's lazy and doesn’t take work seriously. he also doesn’t like anyone who consistently distracts him from his work without legitimate reason. Also anyone who insults Dia or presents any possible threat to him. Other than that, he’s surprisingly chill with almost anyone. 

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

More like lack of sleep habit honestly. I genuinely don’t believe that he sleeps. And if he does, it’s for a couple hours at the most. Really, he just works too much to sleep that much.  

[jimmygibbsjrrr]

What are your favorite voice lines for each survivor and why? (for example, I die when Nick says "you are the first three people in the world I have ever trusted")

I think I have one for everyone (or at least, one picked outta a few favourites) but I really struggled for a coupla them lol

I know and love a lot of these lines because I play on a lovely modded server where a lot of people use voice mods, and I've heard a lot of these lines from the players there, so if they seem random or you've never heard them before that's why! a lot of em are one-off saferoom lines, or dialogue dependent on doing something specific with a certain character. that's also why I seem to gravitate towards the funny one-liners, but there's some more serious/story-related ones here too

also this post ended up being so fucking long! sorry about that! I put a cut in the middle so it's easier to scroll past

Louis:

Louis: "But you know, as long as I have a Molotov I can make a firewall! Get it Francis? A firewall?"

Louis is my favourite and he's got so many banging lines so you'd think this one would be hard for me to choose, but I had to go with this one! the line's originally from The Sacrifice but it's a favourite for Louis players with voice mods. thanks to that, I've got a lotta good memories associated with it from that modded server I talked about. first time I heard it I genuinely laughed because the punchline being that funny caught me off guard. the joke is adorable, very fitting for his character, and the reactions are priceless:

Zoey: "Oh, boooo." Francis: "You're such a nerd."

honourable mention to any conversation about Bill being old because that shit's funny every time

Francis:

Francis: "Groovy." Louis/Zoey: [Short laugh] Francis: "What's so funny? It is groovy."

alternatively:

Francis: "Groovy." Zoey: "[Imitating] Groovy." Francis: "A-FRICKIN'-men."

honestly could have picked any line for Francis because he's so funny but this one is the one that makes me laugh most consistently. that's. that's it really. I just think it's funny. he says this when he picks up an auto shotgun

honourable mention to when he thinks Riverside is in Canada, and any line where he calls Louis 'Louie' because I'm a Frouis shipper and I read into that as a cute endearing nickname :)

Zoey:

Zoey: "Sorry. I can't lower the bridge." Nick: "That's terrific, cupcake. Look, is there a man up there we can talk to?" Zoey: "Oh, boo-hoo, I don't know what to do. Go to hell, Colonel Sanders!"

most of Zoey's funny lines are parts of other running jokes, references that I don't get or very tied to the context of the campaign, so it was actually kinda hard to pick one. I love all of her lines as well which didn't make it easier. but this one has stuck out to me since I first played The Passing because it's brilliant. Nick deserves every scathing insult he gets in that campaign <3

honourable mention to basically all her other lines. especially the ones in The Sacrifice because they cut DEEP her voice actress really went for it christ it hurts

DIShonourable mention to her death scream it's so goddamn LONG and the many hours I've sunk into Tank Challenge have left me hating it with a passion, stop screaming at me I'm doing my best

Bill:

Zoey: "You think one day it's all just gonna go back to normal?" Bill: "I'll see peace back on earth if I gotta murder every one of these bastards with my bare goddamn hands."

I think this line is just a great example of Bill's character really, and actually prompts an interesting train of thought as to how his hopes for the future shifted from No Mercy to The Sacrifice; originally, they seemed much more aligned with Zoey's, possibly part of the reason she felt so betrayed later. also it just sounds cool. it's from the hospital elevator in No Mercy.

honourable mention to this cut line of Bill pickin up an incapped survivor because I think it's really sweet:

Bill: "Bein' brave doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you're scared as hell, and then you pick up the shotgun anyway."

Left 4 Dead 2 survivors under the cut:

Ellis:

Ellis: "If the laws of nature would allow it, I would bear that man's children."

it really couldn't be anything else. I mean, it could, because everything that comes outta this guy's mouth is funny, but I cannot believe this line is real. I love it. as y'all probably know this one's from Dead Center.

honourable mention to every Keith story, and all of his 'Taunt' and 'Argh' lines from the voicewheel. seriously my favourite part of this character is his lines we could be here all day.

Nick:

Nick: "I am breathing shit air into my lungs. It is being absorbed into my bloodstream. I am literally full of shit."

does this make me immature? perhaps. again, I really struggled to pick for Nick, but like many others on the list my reasoning is just that I find this one funny. he sounds so disgusted.

honourable mention to all of his whining about his suit, mostly because the others' responses are golden. and obviously his swearing. because again, I'm immature.

Rochelle:

Rochelle: "Axe me a question, I dare you."

I have such a weakness for bad jokes. first Louis's firewall joke, now this. it's just the way she says it I think. wow my sense of humour is fucked. this one's a possible voice line for when Rochelle picks up a fire axe

honourable mention to all of the funny things she says when she's on low HP, and "Dibbs on Gibbs!" when she sees an infected Jimmy Gibbs Jr.

Coach:

Coach: "I find a Burger Tank in this place? I'm-a be a one-man cheeseburger apocalypse." Ellis: "Well, Coach? I aim to let you."

I hear this line every time I play Dark Carnival - which, considering how much the playerbase loves Dark Carnival, is a lot - and it just makes me smile, especially since they re-added the previously cut line from Ellis in The Last Stand update. also, it reminds me of my first introduction to the L4D2 characters, "Steamed Hams but it's Coach and Nick", which is a masterpiece of video.

honourable mention to his opening line from the trailer, which sets the tone and introduces the character brilliantly, and would have been a great first introduction if my real first introduction hadn't been a Steamed Hams meme.

this post took a surprising amount of time and effort. holy shit. you're welcome ig lmao

[burnedbyshoto]

bakugou katsuki alphabet hc’s

a/n: just a little something something for me being swamped with final preparations and my wip being nowhere near completed!!!

SFW

A = Affection (How affectionate are they with an s/o?)

Bakugou is not that affectionate, hate to tell you guys that. He’s a cat through and through. He’s someone who touches you when he wants to, not when you want it. Sometimes it varies, but most of the time it’s him giving you a look, after all, he will never outright tell you to touch him. But you can see it, the slight eyebrow lift, the curl of his lip because you’re not being affectionate with him. It happens both in private and public, but there are moments in private where he just is clingy, not in an overly clingy way, but a: let’s hold hands while being on our phones sorta way.

B = Breath (What could their s/o do to take their breath away?)

There is not much in this world that will take Bakugou’s breath away. He’s just that sort of guy that even when he’s caught off guard, you will never ever know it explicitly. That being said, there is one thing that does take his breath away. Arguing with him

Now, I'm not talking about crazy psycho bitch arguing where the both of you are going through some world war with each other. I’m talking about an argument where he comes in knowing he’s in the wrong but him not knowing what to do. Argue your side, explain why he’s doing things wrong, how it’s wrong, and how to improve. Taking his insecurities and his inability to do things correctly isn’t something he enjoys being attacked about, but when you take it in, absorb it, and help him it just steals his breath away because holy hell, you respect him, you love him, and he feels the exact same way.

C = Cuddling (Do they cuddle? If they do, how and when do they cuddle?)

Bakugou does cuddle, but oh boy does it take a long time for him to be able to allow this to happen. 

Bakugou is a little spoon. now shut up and listen to why. When your relationship first begins, he is not open to showing his affections, and would turn onto his side before ever asking to hold you. So you have to take it up to yourself to snuggle into his back side, nose buried into his spine. With time, and with Bakugou finally opening up and expressing his feelings, and his ability to be as vulnerable as he can get, most nights it's with him laying his head on your chest, his body draped over yours. He likes this position because he feels like he’s protecting you. if anything happens at night, he’ll be the first to be hit, and that’s all that matters.

D = Dream (What do they dream of doing with their s/o?)

World domination, easy.

Bakugou isn’t someone who allows for intimate relationships like picking a penny from the penny jar. He is a tiny bit arrogant and thinks he deserves the best, so when he finally chooses you to date there’s a 99% chance it’s ending in marriage. He wants the both of you to succeed. 

Whatever it is in life that you want to do, what you dream to do, it automatically becomes his dream too. He’s going to support you and help you get there or his name isn’t Bakugou Katsuki.

E = Effort (How much effort do they put into a relationship?)

All things considered, especially what people would most likely think, he puts in a lot of effort.

Again, you aren’t some casual relationship, if he’s dating you that means you’re endgame in his eyes, congrats!

He may be an angry tsundere the entire time, but he remembers everything. Every important date in your life you better remember, because this asshole will then ask you seven years into the relationship about how you remember the outfit you wore on your first kiss and if you say no he’s gonna both yell at you and hold it above your head for all eternity.

He puts in effort!!!!

Sure, sometimes you might not be priority number one, but you never fall off the top ten list and he always makes sure to make it up in some sort of way if you feel negligent because of this.

F = Fear (What do they do if their s/o is scared? How do they handle it?)

Bakugou is someone who talks you through it.

Why are you scared?

Is there something you can do about it?

How can I make it better?

He’s all about prevention, improving, helping. He wants you to feel better and he’s always been better with his words over his actions when it comes to aiding. It’s not to say that he won’t comfort you, because he will definitely touch your head and bring it to rest against his shoulder only after he’s done helping you out. He feels like he can help you through your fears and merely hugging and saying it’ll be better isn’t the way to help.

G = Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they want a gift in return?)

Bakugou remembers everything about ya, he’s going to get you the gifts you really need.

Yes, need, not want.

Oh you want a whole new makeup collection? Uh no, what you need is a whole new ass vanity and make up organizer because he’s seen those same damn colors you want in your collection but you don’t have shit organized so you don’t know!

Oh you want a new video game? Uh no,,, okay fair, he wants it too, so you both need it for date nights.

Bakugou absolutely hates getting gifts in return, for some reason he thinks its atone to charity work or like guilty gifts. If you want to give him a present, he might allow it, but do not and I mean DO NOT give him a gift for what he gives you (outside of appropriate holidays of course).

H = Hugs (Do they hug their s/o? How often?)

Bakugou hugs you, that’s a given. But how he hugs is pretty dependent on mood and where the two of you are.

When it’s in public he’s a major fan of the one armed hug, the typical “we besties but not like that” hug. Never ever think it’s because he’s embarrassed of you, he’s just… emotionally constipated and he can’t fathom hugging you while everyone watches because he gets nervous. But there are times, in public, where something happens. Something that causes him to worry for you, and he’ll be on you in an instant, his arms slamming you in. One on the small of your back, the other between your shoulder blades. He loves you and only when he’s not in control does he forget his boundaries.

In private though, it’s another story. He’s the person who has their arms wrapped loosely around your waist, his hands holding onto your hips ever so softly. He buries his face into your neck and just breathes. Sometimes he likes to sway with you in his arms, other times he likes to carry you too.

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

He’s definitely an… acquired taste of romance. Nothing he does is outside the spectrum of what is considered to be romantic! If he had done it with a sugary sweet ‘im so in love with you smile’ no one would say anything, but he does these things in a Bakugou way where people are like: “ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH THAT MAN?!” and then look over at you who’s crying because you think he’s the most romantic person in the world. 

Oh he has hella problems, just because you’re it for him doesn’t mean he knows how to behave correctly. He goes through self reflection because of this! He needs to figure out what intimacy means for him, and how to express it to you while also keeping your ideas of intimacy in hand. It always works out though, he will always put together how to make it work.

J = Jealous (Do they get jealous? How do they act when jealous?)

Surprise, surprise, Bakugou Katsuki is a jealous man :)

The worst part of Bakugou’s jealousy is that he knows that he has no reason to be jealous. There are only a handful of people Bakugou feel inferior to, like truly and honestly inferior to. He knows he’s not always the best, no matter how hard he tries, but he knows where he lies in the world. So when he sees other people flirting with you he knows right away that there’s no reason to be jealous. But that doesn’t do anything to the instinctive monster in his mind that tells him to murder the random extra for even considering you to be on a level similiar to theirs.

He storms over, fury and murder in his eyes, parking himself right behind you, eyes glaring at the person who is flirting with you because on god he’s not going to say shit until he has to. If the person doesn’t understand that their presence isn’t welcomed, then Bakugou has no issue twirling you where you stand and shoving his tongue in your mouth. In fact most of your public kisses have stemmed from situations like these.

But the dangerous jealousy is the one where you invoke it. The eyes on him the entire time you’re flirting with him, fueling the fires of his jealousy and irateness. There’s nothing stopping him from going over there, but in this? This is a competition for him. Who’s breaking first? He’ll grab someone nearby, eyes on you while he flirts himself. Although it’s not really flirting he can’t understand anything the person he grabbed is saying, he just enjoys the anger in your own eyes until one of you -- most of the time him -- snaps and storms over.

K = Kiss (Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

Hohohoho, Bakugou Katsuki is initially the worst kisser in the entire WORLD.

His kiss is like slimey, too much saliva, sweat pouring from his face because he’s nervous. He won’t touch you because if he did he’d leave handprints on your clothes. He clumsily clashes his teeth against yours, and oh god is this the appropriate amount of tongue to use?

Just teach him

Bakugou is a lowkey sucker for kisses, he enjoys nights where you poke him in the face obviously wanting a kiss from him, but he can’t help but make it difficult for you. He’ll face poke after poke until he gets up, face trying to stay angry until you pull him into a kiss. He’s much better at this point, he likes holding your cheek with his right hand, his left hand either grasping your wrist or holding your hand. He’s into the slow and languid kisses, the ones that keep you shut up for moments to come because he enjoys blue balling you. 

Bakugou will kiss you every day until the day he dies, even if he’s mad at you or something, no day is passed without a kiss in the morning and at night.

L = Love (When do they say they love you? How often do they say it? Do they prefer to say or show it?)

Bakugou Katsuki is a hard one for this. 

On one hand, I can see him not being the first one to say it. Bakugou being the first to admit to something as deep, as soul revealing as being in love with you? It can happen at anytime during the relationship, but he will first murmur it when he swears you’re asleep, and then again when you ask him.

But on the other hand, I can see him saying it first. Bakugou isn’t an idiot, he knows you won’t say it in case he doesn’t return your feelings, but the thing is Bakugou has been in love for quite some time so he’ll say it out of the blue. Not in the middle of silence but during a conversation that you don’t register until he’s glaring at you for ignoring his statement.

After all, Bakugou doesn’t lose. ;p

M = Marriage (Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

Bakugou isn’t dating you just so he can say he’s dating someone. Hell nah, if he’s dating you like hell he isn’t gonna have you take his last name so he can show you off to the world like some toy he had won. It’s not done in a bad way, just a smug ‘I married the best person in the world’ sorta way.

Bakugou is a small and intimate most likely modern sort of party. There is no free bar, like hell he’s going to let people get wasted through his money on his day. But it definitely becomes his favorite day in the entire year watching you come down the aisle and getting to dance with you.

N = Night out (What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

Bakugou enjoys date nights at home.

He likes coming together with you to prepare dinner, chucking food at each other when someone messes up. Then the food is taken to the living room where he threatens not to mess anything up or feel his wrath. After the threat, you sit between his legs and the two of you go ham on video games or watch a movie.

Other than that he likes amusement parks, museums, hiking, and camping trips!!

O = Out of the Ordinary (What’s something they don’t normally do with/for their s/o?)

He will not lie to you to make you feel better. Don’t go to Bakugou expecting a cheerful pick up when you’re in the wrong because he will not allow you to believe that you’re in the moral high ground when you’re wrong. This also means you can’t give him half explained stories, don’t start something with him expecting him to support you when it’s questionable if you’re in the right.

P = Playful (Are they playful in a relationship? If so, how do they play around/mess with their s/o?)

Oh he definitely is.

Every day comes a new sort of competition, some sort of race where the both of you need to express how the other one is better. Sometimes it seems like a fight match between the two of you, but you both know that it's all fun and games. He respects you and thinks of you highly so will always give it his all. And if he learns how to manipulate your body to get where he wants to be, so be it.

Q = Questions (Do they ask their s/o their opinion on things? Do they share theirs?)

Bakugou 100% asks for your opinion on things. If he’s sharing his thoughts that means he fully expects your opinion on it and ten reasons as to why you believe it. Your opinion is valued to him and he’s not arrogant enough to forget that your voice matters as well. 

And Bakugou will always share his opinion, even sometimes when you don’t ask for it. He’s open and honest and always willing to give you the feedback you need. He respects and loves you too much to let you get away with a lie from him.

R = Random (How spontaneous is their relationship? Do they do things on the spot or plan ahead?)

Bakugou isn’t a spontaneous person, but life is just so out of control for him that most things while originally planned, end up being on the spot.

Like oh, our date night at this restaurant we planned was ruined because I had a last second call into the office that I couldn’t say no to, there's this little hole in the wall three blocks away if you want to go there instead?

He likes having an agenda, okay?

S = Sleep (How do they sleep with their s/o?)

On his own, Bakugou is a sprawler in his sleep. He turns left and right, flipping under the covers and kicking them off. He warns you of this well before sleeping in the same bed together, but when you finally get the chance to do it, he calms completely. He lays on his stomach, his head pressed into your stomach, an arm securely wrapped around your waist while he remains still at night. He’s a bit of a holder, even if he won’t admit it.

T = Trust (How much do they trust their s/o?)

Bakugou would not even admit to liking you should he not trust you.

Trust is the most important thing to Bakugou, if he can’t trust you then there’s no reason for him to be dating you. 

He would willingly let you choose the fate of his life if that was an option.

U = Unique (What makes them unique as an s/o?)

He’s a complete novice to everything when you date him. You have to teach him a lot of things because he never really grew up with it and well, his parents have a very unique style of love so he thought that you would be dominating in every aspect and he had major qualms about that.

He is also somehow willing to try out everything with you without needing to be asked. So those sexy ballroom tango classes you saw one day? He’ll bitch the entire time before the class but will be the first out of the door to go to these events. 

V = Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

It takes awhile. While Bakugou trusts you completely, being vulnerable just isn’t him. He doesn’t like being vulnerable, so it takes a lot for him to just… break down and split open showing everything about him to you.

In this state he’s emotional and somehow emotionless. Tears soak his cheeks, his lips red and raw, hoarse voice, thick words. He looks like a mess and you don’t know how to fix it, but you guide him through it. He might not acknowledge how he was in this state later on, but he will thank you quietly one night.

Remind him that it’s okay to be vulnerable, he needs to be reminded.

W = Wild Card (Get a random domestic headcanon of the character of your choice)

He enjoys it when you do any of the boyfriend challenges from tiktok. Oh yes, this boy is well updated with the trending challenges thanks to Kaminari and he just waits around daily to see when or if you’ll do it to him. If not he’ll ask you why you aren’t doing it to him yet, and you just kinda ‘:O you want me to do that?!’

He also is super into spa nights. He will paint your toe nails, massage your body (as long as its reciprocated), and lounging with you with big fluffy towels, eating cucumbers with lemon and chile, and face masks on!

X = X-Ray (What would they do if their s/o got injured?)

Bakugou is a scary nurse. He just screams at you the entire time as to how stupid you are for getting injured, but will take care of you perfectly. And don’t you dare smile at him while he fluffs your pillow and make sure you feel 100% okay because he is MAD at you and you can’t be happy because he was scared shitless earlier! Oh yeah and you’re an idiot, and he made the soup slightly warmer than needed because he was so angry so let it cool down before you eat it, unless you want to burn yourself, which wouldn’t surprise him!

Y = Yuck (Do they have any pet peeves about their s/o? Are there any habits that might bother their s/o?)

When you don’t speak up. He doesn’t like it when you hold your opinions to yourself, he finds it aggravating and annoying. Speak up if things bother you, don’t be spineless especially around him.

He hates uncleanliness and lack of personal hygiene. Brush your teeth every day, shower when you need to! CLEAN YOUR DAMN ROOM!

Z = Zeal (Are they passionate as an s/o? Do they want or like passion?)

Bakugou Katsuki is in fact a passionate boyfriend, he just has his unique ways of showing it. He never wants you to feel like he doesn’t love you, or doesn’t feel so deeply about this relationship because he would damn the entire world for you. And yeah, he likes and wants the passion, but give him some time to be comfortable and adjust to your ideals of it!

NSFW under cut:

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Bakugou cums for the final time and he’s a panting shaking mess for a few minutes afterwards. He lays there in the cum, sweat, and other fluids while looking you in the eyes, his eyes heavy with exhaustion and love. He’ll press a kiss to whatever’s nearest before pushing off the bed to grab towels. He cleans himself off, and depending on how you’re doing will either clean you off or make you clean yourself off. Sometimes he takes you to bathe and other times he says goodnight, wraps you in your typical sleeping position and knocks out.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Bakugou's favorite body part of his (outside his cock) is definitely his arms and his shoulders. He’s got powerful arms and shoulders, they’re wide, sturdy, and thick. They look good, they’ve always looked good. But they look so much better with your desperate hands clinging onto his shoulders like some lifeline, his skin permanently scarred from your raking fingers when you cry his name… oh yeah, its definitely that.

Bakugou is a cultured man who loves tits, ass, and thighs equally. He loves seeing your breasts squeezing around his cock as he’s strapped to the bed, your mouth in a sly smirk because you won’t suck him off. Your ass? He really fucking loves slapping your ass as you lay against his lap, counting the number of spanks he’s given you. He loves how soft and how much it bounces with every smack. And your thighs? He loves when you’re riding his face or the way they tighten so powerfully around his waist.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Bakugou’s cum is as good as cum gets, if you ignore the weird spicy aftertaste to them on the occasions he eats spicy food. He loves having it splattered against your face, the thick milky liquid just dripping from your face while you look up at him with shining eyes. He also admits to enjoying kissing you after oral sex, the taste of intermixing cum and spit overwhelming him.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Bakugou is a panty thief, well really, anything he can get his hands on (even when you’re dating). He enjoys seeing you wandering around the room without your matching panty or bra, desperately trying to find the other set. It’s most definitely in his pocket at the time you can’t seem to find it, the fabric running between his fingers while telling you to just wear a mismatched one because he’s the only one gonna be seeing it anyways. Who you trying to impress???

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

VIRGIN BAKUGOU VIRGIN BAKUGOU VIRGIN BAKUGOU VIRGIN BAKUGOU VIRGIN BAKUGOU VIRGIN BAKUGOU VIRGIN BAKUGOU VIRGIN BAKUGOU

He does not know what he’s doing, but he’s a fast adapter. He’ll be a complete booty for the first round and you can laugh for ages about it, but afterwards he’ll know what works and what doesn’t -- though sometimes…. Lol nvm

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

Anything that shows off his strength. 

Against the wall, wheelbarrow, anything, anything, anything that can show he’s sooo much stronger.

He also likes missionary too, he’s just the type okay??? Plus perfect access to his shoulders.

Reverse cowgirl.

Doggy style.

Anything where you’re pressed chest to chest, it just brings up the level of intimacy for Bakugou.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

This is serious.

Bakugou isn’t a joking person to begin with, and he doesn’t magically evolve a humor boner while he’s slamming into you. 

I mean sure, the two of you can breathlessly laugh at things, but it’s not because you’re exchanging jokes -- you tried once and he just sorta… glared at you. If he wanted to laugh during sex he would rather die, this is serious to him, so be serious too. 

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

His pubes are darker than his hair, but they’re in the same blond family.

They are also very well-groomed. He thought it was appropriate to make sure he wasn’t a wild untame bush before fucking you because he wasn’t sure how you liked it. He also likes it well groomed because less chaffing in his costume.  

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Bakugou is someone who thinks highly of sex, so he is 100% focused in on it while fucking you. There’s nothing on his mind except getting you to cum a big scream of his name. At times he can be romantic, he’s done the flowers on the bed before and thought it was completely fucking stupid. You know he loves you so, and if he loves you dearly why does he have to change the way he behaves during sex?

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Bakugou is an angry masturbator.

It was a great way to find release before you, long days at work crumbling over the second he was in the shower. But when the two of you finally do start dating and having sex he believes that it’s best to masturbate when the two of you aren’t in contact.

He unashamedly will call you and tell you talk, jacking off to the sound of you telling him about your day, unaware of what he was doing.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Switch - Bakugou will sub or dub

Brat - when Bakugou is a sub, be ready to tame him at all costs. He’s not an easy sub to handle before being tamed, but once you have him, he’s easy.

Degradation - he enjoys it both ways, he likes hearing his natural language bleed into the bedroom and seeing how it finally gets to you in a way that benefits him. But he also enjoys hearing the curse words used against him, done in the same manner and tenor only someone who knew everything about him could do.

Spanking/hitting - Its a time he can use his quirk, he enjoys seeing your bruised skin burning in ways that have you panting for more.

Sensory deprivation - forcing you to succumb to him entire, trusting that he does whats best is a head rush to him.

Sounding - ...he’s a bit of a masochist.

Biting/marking - he likes making sure everyone knows you belong to someone

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Dining room table.

Hallways before the room.

The bed.

Midoriya’s bed.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Good god, just stroke this man's ego and his boner will be flying sky high. 

Gently run your fingers against his shoulder, whisper into his left ear while talking about trivial things, whatever you do, don’t let it on that you’re horny. Scrape your fingers against the nape of his neck, lips brushing against his raising skin. 

This man is head over heels for you, and when you are so comfortable you are your true self around him (including wearing any sort of lingerie in the colors black, orange, or geen ((bonus points if its inspired from his hero costume))) he’ll be ready to bounce.

Calling him your hero.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Whining.

Do not whine.

Now I don’t mean in a ‘you whined for his cock while he pulled away from your shuddering hole, you wanted him more’ but more like a ‘Katsuki please fuck me!!! You haven’t fucked me in so long and I need you cockkkkk!’ sorta way.

Its pathetic, he fucks you enough, stop that.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Short kings like Bakugou have to be good at eating out, it’s the law, congratulations.

He grows to be good at it, and loves to have you writhing in his arms, or better yet, have your fingers yanking at his scalp while you ride his face.

He kinda gets overwhelmed when you suck him off, years of screaming suck my cock just sort of desensitized him to the power behind the words, especially when its your mouth around his aching leaking cock. He loves having you meet his eyes, the threat of what’s to come if you look away bubbling in his veins while he presses his fingers to your throat, to feel his cock stretching that out

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

You guessed it, he’s a middle kinda man. 

He spans on both ends, most of the time leaning towards the fast and rough sex because that’s his personality, but there are more than enough times where its slow and sensual that you remember.

He enjoys having you crying out a lot, sure, but there's more than enough instances where he enjoys having you pressing gently into the bed, fingers grasping your waist, cock pushing into you just enough to create the friction that you crave. Your fluttering eyes, soundless gasps, and sweaty foreheads pressed against each other.

Yup, yup, he likes that so much better but won’t admit it.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Doesn’t enjoy quickies, he feels like they’re half-assed versions of sex, sure, its exhilarating to see how fast you can possibly make each other cum, but it’s not as fun. Not enough moaning, contact, or pleasure that presents itself in quickies as a proper sex session gives.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Bakugou doesn’t mind experimenting, he’s super big on the ‘try it once to see if you like it, go on from there’ sort of mentality so he’s tried it all. Something are a bit of a long term discussion, anything ass play took some time for him to consider, and then allow you to try out in bed. But he does try anything you’re up for as long as you give the same energy back about the things he wants to try.

Risks… depends on what you consider to be a risk.

Fucking in public? Hell no, Bakugou aint gonna fuck you in public, risking his reputation and yours, just so you can milk him of his seed.  

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Stamina for fucking days son.

One round is a warm up for him. He’s used to sweating, used to fighting with every ounce of energy in his body for up to thirty minutes and walking away without so much as a sore shoulder. Fucking you is like a typical patrol without villains for him. He can go plenty upon plenty of rounds. Although, he is pretty easy to make cum.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Toys were sort of a weird subject to bring in, only because Bakugou insisted that he could do everything that a toy could do and better. After a month of arguing that no, he could not do what a toy could do, you finally caved and went to a sex shop.

He was mistaken, he can’t do everythiing a toy can do, and good god do you guys own literally everything on the planet.

Toys are meant to be shared, even Bakugou isn’t that stingy to implement that!

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Bakugou hates hates hates being on the receiving end of teasing. Okay, ‘not like don’t ever do it’ hate it but in a ‘i hate what it does to me’ hate it. He hates feeling inferior, on his knees begging for you to do something more than just teasing while his cock throbs on his stomach.

But oh does he love teasing. His thumb pressing down on your bottom lip, watching while your eyes are hazy in need, babbling words pouring from your mouth while he teases the shit out of you until finally giving you what you need, what you want.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Bakugou is not quiet outside of the bed, and he is definitely not quiet in bed.

He’s definitely someone who makes the rougher noises in bed, the throaty growls, puffing breathes. He’ll moan in your ear, growl by your throat, hiss against your skin. He makes every noise in the world he isn’t afraid of shit. He feels good and the entire fucking world will know if he has to.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Bakugou is a bit of a masochist, like a slight, slight masochist. 

He enjoys when you're sadistic with him, pulling his hair, and sounding. Tear at his skin, make him bleed, make him beg. He’s a hero because he can stand back up even after being hit, he must like it just the tiniest bit.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Six inches soft, seven inches hard. Thickiest fucking dick you’ve seen though, that shit be like |||| thiccc ya feel? Curves upwards, and lots of veins on dat bitch.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Definitely not as high as everyone wants it to be.

His sex drive is actually pretty average, not too high, not too low. He does get horny pretty quickly because you know how to work him, but he doesn’t walk around being half hard all the time.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Bakugou is most definitely asleep five minutes after climaxing. Most fuck sessions happen after dark so it works out just fine. In the rare times it happens in public, or in the morning he won’t fall asleep but he’s a bit spacey for about thirty minutes.

[jisungscaramel]

voices | changbin

❀ genre; smut, college au, fwb ❀ pairing; changbin x reader (fem) ❀ word count; 1.6k

[warning] explicit sexual content, dirty talk, masturabation, (slight) ownership kink, (mild) dom changbin, phone sex, (which includes imagery of) oral (fem receiving), bondage, spanking, unprotected sex (stay safe y’all), overstimulation, creampie

Your eyes open to darkness, and you groan in utter annoyance - you just hate when this happens. You don’t even wanna know what time it is... but you check anyway, 2:20... am - not the worst. At least you have the opportunity to get some sleep, the slightest chance of closing your eyes to immerse in some obscure dream and certainly not the type of wet fantasy that dared to disturb your beauty rest in the first place.

The universe just loves fucking with the sleep schedule you work hard to keep regulated. But the not-so-random interruption to your slumber in it of itself is the least of your problems; the not-so-subtle throb of your clit is beyond irritating, especially since a certain someone isn’t physically there to help you with it.

Your adjusted vision wraps around the silhouette of the ceiling fan, sharpening in detail as you attempt to scrutinize it, five curved blades, metal brackets reflecting the moonlight, a simple ligh- not that a mundane distraction such as this would do anything to help, valiant effort though.

And then you turn your head to the side, fixing on the space where your phone should be laying on the bed side table.

“Should I call him...?” you ask yourself. You grab the device and go straight to the phone app, aggressively scrolling through your contacts ‘til you see his name: Changbin Seo.

Nothing fancy, nothing personal, it’s a deliberate choice to keep it that way, to stay firmly behind his boundaries, well, the boundaries you’ve assumed of him. In reality, he probably wouldn’t have an issue with you contacting him on a whim - even at this ungodly hour, but the idea still makes you nervous. That’s the prevailing predicament of a friend with benefits - sometimes there are too many boundaries and sometimes there are too few.

‘What if he gets annoyed with me? What if he stops talking to me? What if he thinks I’m crazy?’ The more time you spend in your own head, the more the shadow of your past experiences so rudely loom over you.

‘No, Changbin’s not like that. He’s not like that. He’s not like that. He’s not fucking like that.

‘At the worst, he won’t pick up ‘cause he’s asleep. That’s it. That’s all. Relax.’

Regardless, things would be much easier if he didn’t have to go across the state to be home for winter break.

And instead of making that single tap on the glass of your phone, you put it back down, placing it face down, reaching to open the drawer that lays beneath it. You pull out a little drawstring bag. In the darkness, you open it, unsheathing a silicone vibrator, light pink in the light, but rendered colorless in front of your eyes.

‘I should at least try by myself.’

Committing to your decision, you drown your ears in some dvsn - you gotta do what you can to self engage your senses. But you’d much rather hear his voice, much rather feel it vibrate against your skin, reverberate through your nerves. There’s just something about the way he growls when he goes deep, overwhelming the auricles of your ears in a crescendoing frenzy you can’t even fathom outside the moment, even if you try.

Your eyes close when you turn it on, trying your hardest to picture him in your mind’s eye.

The way he tilts his head back to stare at you, eyes half-lidded in the kind of carnal hunger, it makes you wonder what he’ll do next, body sizzling in desire, like it’s on fire. 

And then, there’s the way he lightly tugs at the corner of his bottom lip, tongue brushing over the reddened skin in a teasing lick, you just want them to dip into your slick, to indulge your clit with quick flicks. He loves to look up at you with a tinge of innocence that so eerily contrasts with the vulgarity of his actions, lips smirking against your heat ‘cause he knows exactly what he’s doing, and he knows exactly how to drive you crazy in the best possible way-

“Fuck!”

Even if your imagination is enough to get you there, it’s not enough to satisfy you; it feels like trying to fulfill a day’s worth of hunger with a measly cup of instant ramen when you know damn well you deserve a three course meal.

You haphazardly throw the toy to the side - you’ll clean it in the morning; it’s just too much effort now.

And here you are again, staring at the dark silhouette of your phone. At this point, the amount of fucks you have to give are rapidly dwindling.

And here you are again, phone shining bright in over your face, Changbin’s name and number apparent on the screen. But before you can actually contemplate the idea that you’ve begun to dub a “last resort,” your phone slips out of your hand, knocking you right on the nose, hitting - you guessed it - his number.

And… now you’re calling him. Of course the universe thinks it’s hilarious to mess with you - when does it not?

“Hello?” There’s a clear groggy sleepiness to his voice - clearly, you’ve woken him up.

Fuck. “Oh sorry, Binnie, did I wake you up?” 

“Hmm yeah,” he pauses, probably to rub his eyes, “what’s up?” As sexy as his gruff voice is, it’s the last thing you can think about, subtle embarrassment delicately wrapping your nerves.

“My bad… you know what? It’s nothing. I’ll let you sleep.”

“No, it’s okay, tell me what’s up,” he requests again.

“It’s nothing, I just…”

“Just what?”

“I miss you…”

“...Miss me where?”

“In…” you tighten your thighs together, “places where I shouldn’t.”

“Oh yeah?” You can hear rustling sheets, as if he’s sitting up, as if his attention’s focusing on you. “What would you want me to do if I was there?”

You bite your lip. “You already know.”

“Tell me.” His voice takes a commanding tone, attempting to bend you into submission even through the phone.

Your fingers trace the skin above your underwear. “God, Changbin, I want you to fucking cripple me.”

It’s simply astonishing as to how clearly his sinister chuckle comes through your line, and it’s all it takes for your hand to slip under the thin cotton covering you. “Damn, chula, I didn’t know you wanted me that bad…” a moan slips from your lips both in response to your actions and his words. “Are you touching yourself?”

“Yeah,” your flustered response sounds in the same pitch.

“Naughty girl. I’m gonna have to punish you next time I see you.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“First, I’m gonna tear your clothes off,” you peel the flimsy sleep shirt off your body, not being able to take the increasing heat radiating from your skin, “and then I’m gonna tie your arms up and bend you over my desk to spank you - one slap for every time you’ve touched yourself while I’ve been gone.”

“Where are you gonna spank me?” A sultry tone edges your words.

“On your ass… your thighs… your pussy, depends on how bad you’ve been.”

“What are you gonna do if I earn my reward?” By now, you’re reaching for the vibrator you so carelessly tossed aside not too long ago.

“I’m gonna throw you on my bed, then I’m gonna force your thighs apart and stretch out your soaking little cunt. I’ll fuck you so deep, you’ll feel me rearranging your insides,” he grunts, “Fuck, I’m so hard just thinking about it.”

“Would you let me cum?”

That evil laugh is back, prolonged in the most tantalizing of ways. “Yeah, but not just once. It’s gonna attack you back to back, until your legs go numb.”

You shudder, eyes rolling back. “What if your roommate tries to interrupt us?”

“I’m gonna fuck you harder to mark my territory.”

“Am I your territory?”

He snickers. “You know that pussy’s mine. All. Mine.”

All you can offer as a response is an array of mewls, your walls desperately tightening against the inanimate object inside you.

“God, you sound so sexy when you moan, you know that?” He grunts, and for a few seconds, no words are exchanged. The only thing you can hear is the rapid rustling of fabric, presumably around his hand movements, and the subtle hisses seeping from his lips.

“Are you naked?” he asks.

“Yeah…”

“Show me.”

You lower your phone to capture the sin you’re committing between your legs with a clear view of your bare body neck down, promptly sending the image to him.

And it’s obvious when he receives it because you hear that low, guttural growl you’re oh so familiar with. “You’re so hot.” His voice is strained. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum… are you close?”

“Yeah… I wish you could cum inside me.”

“I do too. Fuck, you look so gorgeous when your pussy’s swollen, dripping with my cum.”

His voice drops an octave, catalyzing the long overdue release that has been coiling inside you. His name rolls off your tongue in an unexpected increase in volume. The hypothetical fantasy momentarily becomes reality in your mind, simulations inducing tangible pleasure inundating you in waves that you didn’t know were possible in a setting like this; why on earth did you let the frustration marinate for this long?

“Fuck,” he curses.

“What?”

“...I made a mess.”

Your phone vibrates with a message from him - it’s a video... and you have the slightest inkling of what it is.

[13uswntimagines]

Prime (Soran x Reader)

Request: Emily x Lindsey x reader where reader has really bad ocd and anxiety and it spikes at random times and Lindsey and the team help her

Authors Note: So this one hits a little different for me because one of my very close family members actually has OCD. I’m not an expert, but everything in here is stuff that we learned in order to help him, or a variation of a ritual he does. Hit me up with any requests you have, or questions, or if you just wanna say hi. 

You knew that the thoughts that raced through your brain were irrational. You knew that how your shirts were placed in your locker or how you washed your hands didn’t inherently matter, but that didn’t stop that little voice in your brain from telling you that if you didn’t do it just right, the people you loved would die or be hurt. 

You were having a bad day, that much was obvious. Between your medication and therapy, you could normally control a large majority of your compulsions. Throughout the World Cup, you had been coping with the increasing pressure relatively well, but today was the much-anticipated game against France and your anxiety was through the roof. 

You glanced down at your boot, tying the laces with 3 particularly placed knots. If the knot wasn’t right then you would trip, either breaking your neck, or the neck of one of your teammates. The knot was wrong, it was dangerous, so you naturally started over. Untying the laces and laying them parallel to your cleat. Then restarting the ritual. 

You needed it to be right. You felt your anxiety spike as the knots were yet again wrong. You had to get it right, and so the ritual started over and over again. 

“What number are we on?” Emily asked softly, placing a hand on Lindsey’s arm watching what was one of your least common rituals. It typically only appeared when you were under an immense amount of pressure, and at least they knew what the trigger was this time. 

“11,” Lindsey whispered back, intently watching you concentrating on the laces. This should be one of the last iterations of the ritual, as you tended to prefer prime numbers, and 13 was usually your go-to. 

“Hey guys, what…” Kelley started, Approaching the pair, only to be cut off by the two women’s glare. 

“Shhh. Let her finish first,” Emily said, gesturing with her hands for the approaching women to stay quiet. They had discussed this with your therapist at length. They weren’t supposed to enable your rituals, but they were also supposed to pick their battles. Stopping you in the middle would probably send you spiraling, which no one needed. You were obviously stressed, and adding to that wouldn’t help anyone. 

“How do we help her,” Kelley whispered, watching as you moved on to putting on your kit top. You needed it to be done right. If it wasn’t, then it could choke and kill you. The team watched as you put the jersey on, adjusted it accordingly, before taking it off and placing it back on the hook. You had to do it right. 

“Today, we just let her knew we’re here for her,” Lindsey said quietly, mentally sighing when you stopped at the number 5. She knew telling you that your thoughts were irrational wouldn’t help. 

“But don’t accommodate,” Emily added, biting her lip. As difficult as it was, they couldn’t allow you to avoid the situations that would for sure make your anxiety spike. The situations they were sure you were going to try and stay away from. They also weren’t supposed to get involved in your rituals. 

“We can reassure though?” Alex asked, double-checking. She knew how your crippling your OCD was, and the massive leaps you had made in treatment. Even now, your bad days paled in comparison to some of your darker times in college. The two of you had been roommates throughout college and had shared an apartment while Alex played for the Thorns. 

“Yes, but don’t dwell. Make it as insignificant in your conversation as you can,” Lindsey nodded, repeating the words they had all heard before. Part of their job was to prevent you from ruminating on the thoughts that coursed recklessly through your brain. 

She smiled when she saw you approaching, and you shot her and Emily a nervous look. Emily hummed placing a careful hand on your shoulder, avoiding touching the skin of your arm. 

“Ready to go, babe?” She asked softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. 

“Do we have to stand in the tunnel?” You whine, glancing behind Lindsey to the door. On a good day, you could do the tunnel with minimal effort, but today it made your heart race, and the breath leave you. It wasn’t the people that bothered you, no. It was the possibility that someone would touch your skin, and contaminate you. You weren’t afraid of germs, but the voices in your head told you that you would get sick and die. That you would infect the people you loved. 

“You’re in the starting 11, so yes,” Lindsey stated firmly, kissing your other cheek. 

“There’s just so many people,” You mumbled lowly, and the women sighed. They knew that it wasn’t the people that worried you. 

“What will happen if one of them touches you,” Emily asked, squatting just a little so she could make eye contact with you. You fucking hated this coping technique. It was designed to show you that you weren’t being logical as if you didn’t already know that, but the urge to avoid it was so great. You sighed in defeat. 

“We’ll be right there babe,” Lindsey reassured you, rubbing circles into the back of your jersey, and placing a light kiss on your lips. Emily pouted at the action, and you leaned in to kiss her pout away. What had you done to deserve these women who put up with your… difficulties? Who were there for you no matter what. Who listened when you told them the crazy things going on inside your brain, and did their best to help you stay on track. Treatment was difficult, and they were there for you every step of the way. 

They made you want to get better, to be able to enjoy the life you were going to spend with them. To no longer be a prisoner to your brain. 

“Promise?” You muttered hesitantly, looking up at your girls through your eyelashes. 

“Always,” Emily and Lindsey said in sync, joining their pinkies and offering you the other side. You connected the very tip of your pinky with theirs and kissed your thumb. You never minded this contact like you did the others. There was something safe about them. 

“We’ll be there too short stuff,” Alex said, appearing over Lindsey’s shoulder and sending you a reassuring smile. 

“You can do this,” Tobin hummed, appearing on Emily’s side. 

“You’ll be in front of me?” You asked, looking her dead in the eyes. You were #19 (the last prime number open on the roster). You could do this if she was here. You had known her almost as long as you knew Alex, and she had been your buddy on the Thorns before you had ever met the loves of your life. 

“Yeah kid,” Tobin nodded

“And I’ll be right behind you,” Christen added, her presence soothing you further. You smiled at them. Yes, you were having a bad day, but between them all, you would make it through. Yes, it would be hard but your OCD wasn’t going to stop you from winning a World Cup. 

“Let’s kick France’s ass,”

[hiscyarika]

Landslide: Chapter One

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: Ten years after leaving her on their wedding day, Javier returns to Laredo and runs into Reader

Warning(s): Angst

A/N: Here’s the first chapter of the Landslide series! I’m really excited to share this with you and I’m glad that I was able to get it done. Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated, as I want this to be my best work so far. There were a few tags that didn’t work and for that I’m sorry! Also, a  very special thank you to @aerynwrites​ for editing this chapter before its publishing! You’re the best, girl! ❤️

Masterlist

Tag Lists

No amount of time will ever change Laredo.

Stubborn as a mule, it refuses to move forward with the rest of the world. Some people, like you, come and go, but the vast majority stands still—a moment frozen in time. You’ve spent years trying to escape this place, but when inevitably you’re forced to return, everything is just the way that you left it: down even to the sharp creak in the door as you enter the mini market in town.

It’s still owned by the same family. You smile and wave at Anita Robinson from where she stands at the register, refilling the machine with a new roll of receipt paper. She’s an older woman, with a son your age and a daughter just a couple of years younger. Just like everyone else in this town, you’ve known her since you were little. Her eyes light up as she looks up to give an automatic greeting, and even from your distance you can see the crow’s feet in the corners of her eyes. For just a moment, she abandons the task at hand. “Well look who’s back! How have you been, honey?,” she asks, her deep Texas accent bleeding into every word.

You pick up one of the wicker baskets from the bin by the door, carrying it with you down the first aisle. The shelves are short enough that you can still see Mrs. Robinson as you start your quick grocery run. “I’ve been alright. I’m back in town for a while until I can find another publisher,” you explain briefly.

She shakes her head, picking up the receipt paper again. “Oh, sweetie. That’s too bad. Where were you this time? I think your dad said something about Seattle, but I can’t quite remember,” she replies. You can’t help the way that your smile falls to a more gentle expression at her words. Anita has always been a sweet woman, beloved by everyone she’s ever met.

“Yeah. I was in Seattle. But it’s alright. I’ve already contacted some other people. Hopefully things will pan out this time. How are Will and Sadie?,” you ask.

She closes the compartment on the register, laughing softly. “Oh, they’re both doing great. Sadie and Jason got married a few months ago. Then Katie and Will just had their first baby. I’m a grandmama now.” She beams, and you glance up from the jar of peanut butter you’d just placed in the basket to see her pulling out a couple of photos. “But I’ll quit pestering you for now and show you when you’re done,” she laughs, leaning with her side against the counter.

“Alright,” you reply, giving a soft laugh.

With nothing to distract you, you make your way a little faster down the aisles, going over your mental shopping list while muttering things to yourself under your breath. You’re so lost in your own little world that you don’t hear the bell over the door ring as another customer walks in, and you don’t notice the soft gasp that escapes Anita’s lips when she sees who it is.

A thought strikes you, and you realize that you’ve passed the taco seasoning. You turn quickly on your heels and take a step forward in what is nearly a single fluid movement, but collide with the broad chest of the man who’d been standing not too far behind you. You immediately step back and begin to apologize, but then your eyes meet his gaze. You go silent, save for the sharp gasp that leaves you as the breath is sucked from your lungs.

“Javi?”

Your blood is pounding so hard in your ears that you see your name formed on his lips but you don’t hear his voice. Every thought leaves your head as you try to form words again. But the effort is futile. You take another step back, putting more distance between the two of you. A glance in the direction of the counter shows that Anita is gone. Whether that’s to escape this awkward reunion or to go tell the rest of the town about it, you can’t be sure.

When you look back, Javier’s face has morphed from shock to a softer expression that you don’t have a name for. It’s somewhere between sadness and grief. Regret, maybe, though even that doesn’t feel quite right. But you hate the way that his gaze has softened, his eyes looking down at you like he deserves to feel anything as intensely as you do.

Your shock is quickly replaced by anger, and a hurt that you’ve never managed to fully extinguish.

“It’s...It’s been a while,” he starts, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. It’s a poor choice of first words, so appalling that you have to hold back a bitter laugh as it bubbles up in your chest.

“Ten years does seem pretty long when you don’t bother trying to contact someone, doesn’t it?,” you seethe.

Regret is written clearly across his features now, but that’s no matter to you. “Querida, I–”

“Fuck off, Javier.” You cut him off before he can even begin whatever apology he might have come up with. You don’t want to hear it. You want nothing to do with him. Not anymore.

You push your way past him in the narrow walkway, returning the items in your basket to their places on the shelf. As much as you want to just drop the basket and walk out the door, you won’t leave it for Anita to deal with. You don’t hear Javier’s footsteps behind you, and for a moment you think maybe he’s smart enough not to pursue you any further. But just as you drop the wicker basket back in the bin, his hand wraps around your arm. He gently pulls you back towards him.

You whip around, pushing hard at his chest and yanking your arm from his grasp. His touch triggers a switch from flight to fight. “Don’t,” you warn, your eyes burning. You feel the heat of your anger flooding your body, the fury making you tremble. He doesn’t try to grab you again.

“Just let me talk to you, damn it,” he demands, his hands placed firmly on his hips.

Now you laugh. It’s humorless. “Oh now you want to talk? Well that’s too damn bad.”

He huffs out a sigh of frustration. “I need you to understand wh–”

“To hell with what you need, Javier. Your needs stopped being my concern when you left me on our fucking wedding day. Now if you’ll excuse me, I should be going,” you bite back. Without letting him have the last word, you walk out of the mini mart, back into the relentless Texas heat. Paired with your anger, it makes your skin feel like it’s being prodded by thousands of tiny needles.

You don’t look behind you. You don’t want to see Javier looking at you through the glass pane of the door. How he managed to come home to Laredo without you hearing about it is beyond you, but it would have been nice to know that he was back. It would have at least given you some time to mentally prepare yourself for the moment that you might see him again. Now you just feel jarred, out of place. Like your soul was taken from your body to watch all of this happen.

You try to take in a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth. But your lips tremble as you exhale and your vision blurs with a new wave of tears. You force yourself to move forward, one foot in front of the other. With your mind in overdrive and your body on autopilot, you somehow make your way back to your apartment without losing your way.

By the time you make it to the front door, your tears have broken free, flowing down your cheeks. Your breath comes out in sharp gasps, and your hands shake as you take out your small ring of keys. They fall to the ground from your weak grasp, and you curse under your breath as you bend down to pick them up again. You force the apartment key into the lock, turning it and opening the door.

You all but collapse as you make it through the doorway, dropping the keys and falling back against the door as it shuts behind you. A gut-wrenching sob claws its way out of your throat, and despite your efforts to stifle it with your hand over your mouth, it’s no use. You shut your eyes tightly, sinking to the ground with your back against the door.

His face. His voice. You’ve worked so hard to leave them behind, to let him go. After so many years it felt like you had finally buried him in your past, never to be found again. And just like that, all of the pain and hurt and heartbreak has been dug up and hauled out for you to bear once more. To bear alone. This isn’t something that you’ll burden your parents with. You don’t want them to worry about you. You’re not a lovesick, heartbroken young woman anymore. You’ve changed and grown. You can handle this, no matter how difficult it might be. 

Mind clouded by the agony of raw emotion, you push yourself up from the floor, walking back to your bedroom and throwing the door open. You drag a suitcase out from under the bed, tossing it onto the mattress. A new resolve takes over you, and you start throwing things into the suitcase. You can’t stay here. There’s not enough room in Laredo for your grief and Javier both. And if it means you’ll never see him again, you’ll leave tonight.

You raid your drawers and your closet, throwing in random articles of clothing. Every movement is frenzied. In the back of your mind, you make sure that there is at least one professional outfit, knowing that you’ll need it for meeting with publishers should you ever get a call.

That in mind, you go to your desk next, pulling out the typed up manuscripts and outline journals. In the height of your fury, hot tears leak from your eyes. Though they go unnoticed by you. The only thing you can think about is leaving. The more miles between you and Javier, the better. You’ll drive as long as it takes for the distance to soothe the throbbing in your chest.

When there’s no more room in the suitcase, you put all of your weight into keeping it closed as you zip it up. You curse at the strain, but you’re too determined to make this any easier on yourself by packing a second bag. By the time you do get it closed, your energy is spent.

You grip the edges of the mattress until your knuckles turn white, finally beginning the descent from your hysterics. As you come down, you go quiet again. Your chest no longer heaves with labored breaths. No sound falls from your lips. Your tears have lessened, but still fall silently from your eyes. Exhaustion seeps into every part of your body, a bone-deep ache from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.

You crawl onto your bed, not bothering to move the suitcase or bury yourself under the covers. You lay your head down on your pillow as it begins to throb, the aftermath of your emotional release coupled with the never ending thoughts of the man that so easily erased any healing you’d managed to do in the last decade. The pillow is soon wet and stained with black mascara tears. But at least now you can think a little more clearly.

And as much as you hate it, you know that you can’t leave.

There’s nowhere for you to go. The whole point of coming back home was to have a place to stay until you could get another meeting lined up and save up some more money. More importantly, you can’t—you won’t—give Javier this power over you. You won’t let him be the reason that you uproot yourself before you’re ready. He’s the one that left town. He doesn’t get to be the one to drive you away.

Mind made up, you sink a little further into the mattress, groaning softly as the movement disturbs your aching body. Before you can fall asleep though, your eyes catch a glimpse of a piece of cardstock lying on the floor beside the bed. You sigh when you realize that it’s an invitation to Danny’s wedding, which you’ve already committed to attending, and it’s in just a few days’ time.  

Javier will be there. That you’re absolutely certain of.

But you’ll go anyway, because you could never disappoint the Peñas with your absence. Despite the fact that you never officially married into the family, they’ve always treated you like you were one of them regardless. And for that you’re grateful. They could have turned their backs on you the moment that Javier skipped town. Instead, they chose to hold you that much closer to their hearts. And you’ve done the same with them.

For their sake, you can endure being in the same room as Javier.

-

Chapter Two

-

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[kindahoping4forever]

I Love You, Ain’t That The Worst Thing You Ever Heard? // Ashton Irwin

This started out loosely based on a dream I had (🤡) and spun into something a lot more complex and interesting. I’ve been working on this on and off for months (bless @cal-puddies​ who I’m sure is glad she won’t have to hear about this anymore lol); it was actually one of the first things I tried writing on my own (I just couldn’t get this concept out of my head) and as my writing evolved, I had to keep going back to retool and make sure the story did too. Hopefully you’ll think it was worth the effort!

Warnings: FWB-but possibly more-!Ash, slight jealousy/angst but it’s mostly internal, dummies who don’t realize that they’re in love, an absurd amount of smut but it’s justified because there’s an emotional narrative to it (really), moments of Dom!Ash, oral/manual stimulation of a female, overstimulation, spanking, cumplay, (and yet also) protected sex, no for real there is so much smut you guys I think that’s a comprehensive list of warnings but I’m not sure  

Word Count: 5858

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————-

“If you’re not ready in 15 minutes, I’m going without you,” Ashton declares.

“Cool but it’s my friends we’re having dinner with, so that might be controversial,” you point out, nudging his elbows off your vanity so you can open the drawer in front of where he’s sitting.

“Oh, they like me better than you, it won’t be a problem,” he teases, handing you the beauty blender you were looking for.

You snatch it from his hand. “Dude, you literally weren’t even invited, you just asked if I was busy and said ‘oh that could be fun’ when I told you what I had planned.”

“I feel like my presence was assumed when they asked you,” he shrugs.

You toss the sponge at him and he laughs as you shoo him out of the room so you can finish putting yourself together.

You and Ashton have been together for a few months, although neither of you have ever tried to discuss what “together” actually means. Your relationship seemed to be an endless string of implications. When you met, it was implied you liked each other. When you made out at a party a few weeks later, it was implied it was as friends. When you started sleeping together, it was implied it was casual. In your mind, you were something more than “friends with benefits” but still something less than a full-on relationship.

He puts a record on and has just crossed into the kitchen to help himself to a bottled water from your fridge when he notices a vase of flowers on the counter that he definitely didn’t send you.

“Fancy flowers,” he comments. “Who sent them?” He asks, despite immediately checking the card and seeing the message “Thanks for last weekend, let’s do it again sometime ;)” alongside what seems to be a masculine name.

You’re rooting around in your closet, trying to find the top you had planned on wearing while your mind is focused on your mental checklist of everything you still have left to do before you leave; it takes a good 15 seconds for it to register that Ash has even said anything and another 10 before you distractedly call out “a friend” in response.

Ashton sits on your couch and while his hands are turning the pages of some random magazine he found on your coffee table, his eyes are fixed on the bouquet he can still see sitting on the kitchen counter. You’ve never discussed exclusivity, he would have no right to be jealous. But he can’t deny the panic that ran through his body when he saw that card and he can’t keep his mind from racing now.

He thinks he’d almost feel better if he’d found evidence you were fucking someone else; he hates the thought of someone else touching you but he’s also confident that they couldn’t possibly make you feel the way he does in bed. He’s not worried about the sex. But flowers? That implies romance, implies thoughtfulness and intimacy, which are things he wouldn’t blame you for seeking elsewhere. He knows he hasn’t been offering that to you in the ways he could, in the ways you probably deserve.

He tortures himself with these thoughts a bit longer and then props himself in the doorway of your bedroom to check on your progress.

“Oh you’re still here? You were so quiet out there I figured you made good on your threat and you were already at the restaurant ordering apps without me,” you tease, pulling on your boots.

Ash gives a half-hearted chuckle in response. “You look nice,” he compliments you quietly.

You flash him a pleasant but puzzled smile; something’s off with him, you don’t think he’s ever said you look “nice” as long as you’ve known him and he never passes up a chance to banter with you.

He makes small talk but you notice the way his fingers are fiddling with the label of his water bottle and how his eyes hesitate to look for yours. By the time you’re ready, he’s nonchalantly mentioned the flowers three times and asked you to a party next weekend, when he usually never plans that far in advance.

You pause gathering your things as you realize what’s happening. He's fucking jealous, you amusedly think to yourself. Part of you wants to tease him about it but there’s an underlying sense of nervousness to it that’s almost sweet. How could something as innocuous as a vase of flowers shake this man’s seemingly endless confidence?

"I wasn't trying to be vague before," you tell him. “I helped someone move last weekend; only a couple people showed up to help, it was pretty intense. That’s what the flowers are for.”

“Let’s do it again sometime, winky face?” He raises his eyebrows, casually drinking from his water bottle to show how unbothered he is.

You make a face. “I should’ve figured you’d read the card,” you tease. “I joked that the move was so brutal I’d sooner buy him the apartment than help again when the lease is up.” To punctuate your story, you walk over, peck him on the lips and affectionately straighten his shirt collar. “I don't know what you're thinking but I can tell you you’re probably overthinking it.”

Ash tightens his jaw and runs his tongue over his lips as he listens to you. "Didn't even know you liked flowers," he shrugs as you smile softly at him.

When he doesn’t immediately follow you out of the bedroom, you know his wheels must still be turning. You get your keys out of the dish and text your friends that you’re leaving now. He finally appears and just as you’re about to tell him you really need to get going, he grabs you and gives you the most over the top, absurdly intense kiss of your life. One hand twisted in your hair, one hand pressing you against him, tongue claiming your mouth as his. He's clearly trying to prove a point - what and to who, you’re not quite sure - but he certainly proves it.

He pulls away, fire in his eyes and casually says, “You lock up, I’ll get the car started?” as if nothing happened.

You stand there, stunned for a moment, quickly attempt to repair your smudged lipstick and lock the door to meet him outside.

The car ride is mostly silent, save for the radio. Ashton plants his hand on your thigh the second you get in the car and it doesn’t budge the entire time. When you grab drinks with your friends at the bar, his hand never leaves your back. During dinner, his arm snakes around your waist the second you slide in the booth next to him. To the outsider this would seem possessive and you're guessing it partly is but you think you’re pretty good at reading Ash at this point and to you, it feels more complex than that.

He’s still his engaging and charming self, chatting endlessly with everyone about everything but you can tell he’s in his head and you’re not entirely sure why. You recall how unnerved he seemed back at your apartment. You think about the number of times he’s leaned in to whisper a joke or comment in your ear tonight. You feel the gentle way his fingers brush over your hip while you wait for the check and you start connecting the dots.

It may have started with jealousy but this goes deeper than some basic macho territorial bullshit. You’re fascinated as you consider this development. He never seemed to feel angry or betrayed at the thought of someone else holding your attention; he just seemed troubled. Sad. And now it feels like he’s constantly reassuring himself of your presence, like as long as he keeps touching you, keeps engaging you, you’re undeniably there with him.

Your head swims as you consider the implications of this. You never doubted you both cared for each other but is it more serious than that to him? To you? You focus on him talking with your friends and you don’t realize you’re staring until you feel his eyes on you. He looks at you with amused expectancy; you just shake your head and smile fondly.

Your friends say their goodbyes and you start down the street back to the car park. Ash reaches for your hand and it kind of breaks your heart so when you stop to wait for the crosswalk, you place his arm around you and snuggle into him. He looks at you quizzically, as if he's surprised by your affection. He truly has no idea how transparent he is sometimes, you think to yourself as you mumble something about being chilly.

As you make your way down the block, he starts chattering away about the night’s events and with each comment you burrow further into his embrace, appreciating the cool night air and the sound of his voice.

By time you’ve reached the parking structure, you’ve got your arms wrapped around him, inside his jacket. He sways with you as you wait for the elevator, “Am I dropping you back home?”

Your answer comes out muffled as you’ve decided to take this opportunity to bury your face in his chest. “Your place.”

He kisses the top of your head and clarifies, “Thought you had work tomorrow?”

As the elevator doors open, you say, “But your place is closer now” with a glimmer in your eye and you pull him, first into the elevator and then into you. You give him a kiss reminiscent of his over the top, absurdly intense one from earlier but yours has no underlying point to prove. You’ve decided you need him, only him and you want to be sure he knows that.

The car ride is once again silent but this time there is a different tension in the air. His hand finds its way onto your thigh again, though this time it’s definitely a few inches higher. You can’t help but study him, as breathtaking as ever, lit only by the glow of evening LA traffic. You’re now almost as lost in your thoughts as you know he was earlier. He was so perturbed by those goddamn flowers, why? If you had found a gift from someone you didn’t know at his place, would you be feeling the same way? You’re pretty sure you would.

He catches your gaze at a stop light or two but he doesn’t say anything, just gives your thigh a reassuring squeeze and turns back to the road. As soon as he shuts the engine off, you’re practically lunging across the car to get your lips back on his again. He indulges you for a minute and then breezily laughs, “let’s get you inside then” as he pries you off of him.

Once inside, it’s a dizzying clash of teeth, tongues, lips and limbs as you stumble up the stairs into the bedroom. You’re not sure exactly when it happened but suddenly he’s in his underwear and has you naked and spread in front of him.

He runs his fingers through your folds as he looks at you with a predatory glint in his eyes, asking, “Wet already, huh? This all for me?”

That’s apparently the extent of his teasing mood as he dives right in and starts eating you out before you even think to answer. You gasp and immediately tangle your fingers in his hair as he ruthlessly attacks your clit, first swirling it with the tip of his tongue and then sucking it in between his lips. The way he alternates broad strokes of his wide tongue with deliberate rapid fire flicks has you whimpering faster than you thought possible.

“Been wanting to taste you all evening, beautiful, thought we’d never get away,” he murmurs as he teasingly presses light kisses into your thighs.

“Ash…” you start, still attempting to catch your breath. “What is going on with you tonight…”

He chuckles and replies, “Says the woman who practically jumped me in the parking lot after dinner?” He pushes himself up your body to kiss you deeply, both of you groaning as you taste yourself on his tongue.

He pulls away just enough to continue, “Says the woman who could barely wait for me to put the car in park before she pounced again?”  He kisses you even harder, distracting you enough that you don’t notice his hands have begun to wander until you feel two fingers slowly dragging against your pussy.

You break the kiss with a moan and Ashton seamlessly moves his mouth to your neck, giving several teasing bites and nips before he raises his head to look directly at you and say, “Says the woman who I suspect has been dripping for me since the kiss I gave her before we left for dinner?”

He pushes his fingers into you with ease and expertly starts working them. “Maybe even before? Has my girl been wanting me this badly all night?”

You feel your skin flush as you hear the words “my girl” come out of his mouth; this is new. That’s as far as your thought process gets because then he’s curling his fingers and all you can focus on is the way your walls are beginning to twitch and tighten around them, “Ash… please…” is the best response you can manage.

His hand that’s not buried inside you traces down your throat and over your breasts. “Please what, baby? Think you know you’re gonna have to do better than that,” he teases.

“... Want to cum… PLEASE…” you breathlessly pant out, rocking your hips against his fingers which have slowed to an agonizingly slow pace, keeping you just on the edge of orgasm.

“Oh don’t worry, pretty girl, you’ll cum alright,” he teases with his bottom lip fixed in a mock pout. “Gotta make it up to you, I obviously should’ve filled you the second I walked through your door tonight,” he speeds his fingers back up and adds his thumb into the mix, rubbing it against your clit, causing your legs to shake.

You grip his arm that’s working you over, digging your nails into his bicep as your entire body tenses and you pulse around his fingers. “That’s my girl, that was a good one, wasn’t it?” he coos as he pumps his fingers into you a few more times for good measure.

You can only breathe heavily in response; your mind and body are both reeling. There it is again: my girl. That kiss by your door, his hands on you all evening, now my girl. You’re not sure if it’s intentional or if his subconscious is giving him away, but he’s claiming you. You’re much more comfortable with that idea than you thought you’d be.

The second it seems like you’ve started to catch your breath, Ashton withdraws his fingers from your body and sucks them clean, exaggeratedly groaning his approval. You reach out for him, hoping for a kiss but before you even realize what’s happening, he’s back between your legs lapping away at your center again. “ASH, what the FUCK,” you cry out, legs involuntarily closing around him.

Unfazed, he easily spreads your legs back how he wants them and looks up at you, face obscenely wet and glistening from his task. “You tasted so good on my fingers, I wanted more straight from the source,” he shrugs and immediately returns to his mission.

You involuntarily let out a tiny moan at his remark before tugging on his hair to get his attention. “Too much” is all you manage to get out before he licks at your clit in just the right way to make you jolt and let out a guttural groan.

He pulls back and snickers against your thigh. “That’s what I thought, do I know my girl or do I know my girl? Know when you're ready for another one before you even do, know how to leave you speechless with just a couple flicks of my tongue,” he sneers, rapidly fluttering over your clit in demonstration. “Know this pussy even better than you do, bet you’ve never had anyone else who can say that, have you?”  

You grab onto his shoulder and moan as soon as you hear that magic phrase, my girl, again. Ash’s dirty talk has always been a huge turn on for you but tonight the language is as telling as it is arousing: you are his. You decide that you like it, you want that and you like that he wants that.

You sigh deeply, disappointed but not surprised, when he pulls away just as you feel your climax begin to build. He kisses up your stomach until he reaches your tits, spreading sloppy kisses over one while he squeezes the other, rolling over the nipple with his thumb. You’re not quite sure why tenderness is your instinctual response but you go with it, softly running one hand through his hair and stroking his face with the other.

He looks up at you and his eyes are as breathtaking as always, glowing with both a familiar fire and also a softness you’ve only seen on occasion. You can’t help but smile as you tell him, “You’re unbelievable.”

“Is that a complaint or a compliment, my dear?” He asks with a smirk as he turns his attention to your other breast, repeating his actions.

“Not sure… both maybe…” you reply, in a dreamy haze of fondness, amusement and desire.

“I’ll take it,” he mutters against your skin. Satisfied with his work on your chest, you see him start to move back down between your legs.

“Ashhhh… no, need more,” you object, attempting to pull him back up to you.

“That’s what I’m tryna to give you here, baby,” he chuckles, allowing you to pull him up to your lips.

You frantically kiss him and grabble between your bodies until your hand finds his erection still confined in his boxers and you give it a squeeze. “GOD, Ash, honestly I just want your cock more than anything right now,” you hate how pitiful you sound but you also hope it’s enough that he’ll give you what you want.

Instead he looks you directly in the eye, grins and taunts, “But when don’t you want my cock more than anything?”

He impishly pecks your nose and confidently states, “First you cum on my tongue. THEN you can cum on my cock.” And with that, he’s suddenly peppering quick kisses all the way back down your body, musing almost to himself, “No one else can make you feel this way, can they, darlin’? Know how to get you off like this? Gets you this needy?”

Ashton dives back in with a renewed sense of purpose and has you cumming within moments; you swear at a certain point you can feel him grin against your sensitive core, clearly reveling in the nonsensical murmurs you don’t even realize you’re letting out until you hear them yourself.

“Good girl, sound so pretty when you cum for me, taste even better,” he praises, pressing a final kiss to the inside of each of your thighs before he’s on his feet, finally stripping off his underwear and retrieving a condom from the bedside table.

You’re tired from his teasing but the anticipation of finally having him inside you fuels your decision to snatch the package from him and begin tugging at his cock as soon as he’s within arms reach. You roll the condom on him as he tucks your matted hair behind your ear and says, “Been so good tonight, baby, you decide how you want it.”

You purse your lips in amusement because while his offer appears generous, based on the tone of the evening and the charged mood you're both in, there's no way he doesn't already know you're about to choose his preferred position.

You reach up and kiss him lustfully one more time before you dramatically turn over and raise yourself up on all fours, looking over your shoulder at him with an expectant look. He raises an eyebrow at you and you playfully roll your eyes at him, "Are you going to pretend like you're surprised or are you gonna fuck me?"

He grips your ass cheeks, kneading them in each hand, fondly clicking his tongue, "Cum twice already and still so impatient.”

You expect him to tease you; he always does and after the evening you’ve had, you assume you’re in for another tortuous display of dominance so it takes you by surprise when he’s suddenly sliding in to you. You hear his breathing become noticeably more pronounced as he buries himself and his fingers lightly trace down your spine, his actions pausing for just a beat longer than you'd like.

Without even giving it a second thought, you start eagerly moving against him. "Need me that badly you can't even wait one second for me to catch my breath?" He taunts in a voice that's both amused and aroused. He wraps his hand in your hair and yanks hard. "So desperate for me to wreck you, gotta fuck yourself on my cock?" He punctuates his question with a swift smack to your ass.

You attempt to scoff at his teasing but a simple, strained “FUCK” leaves your lips instead as you steadily rock yourself back against him. He doesn’t seem to mind your initiative, responding to your movements with approving groans and keeping his large hands occupied by covering your ass, first with sharp slaps followed by firm yet tender rubbing to soothe your reddening skin.

You hear yourself chanting “More. Please. More.” in a staccato rhythm matching the way you’re throwing your body back on him. He complies with your request, hand coming down on your backside multiple times in rapid succession and you cry out in satisfaction. You love the sting but you think you love the fact that you’ll be wearing his marks for days even more.

A particularly strong blow has your arms giving out, dropping your upper body down to the bed with a moan. He takes this as you handing over the reins and quickly moves his hands from your ass to your hips, grip digging into your skin as he takes over and starts pounding into you.  

“Goddamn you wrap around me so good, it’s like you were made to take my cock weren’t you, beautiful?” His praise has both your mind and body humming; it’s been a long evening and although you’ve already had two orgasms, you find yourself overwhelmed by the undeniable need to cum with him inside you.

He pushes down on the small of your back to pop your ass and fuck you at a better angle but the way his fingers firmly but gently fall on your skin reminds you of how he touched you earlier in the evening. In the restaurant. On the street. In the car. Always wanting to feel you, always confirming your presence, always reassuring the both of you that your rightful place was with him.

An unexpected wave of affection washes over you and suddenly you’re needing him in a much different way. You manage to feebly say, “Ash? Babe?” as you muster the strength to raise yourself back on one arm while you fling the other behind you, blindly searching for him.

You almost never call him pet names so it immediately jumps out at him; he notices the shifted tone in your voice and halts his actions. You turn your head to meet his gaze as he pants, “You alright? What’s happening?”

Your hand finally finds his resting on your hip and you give it a squeeze, “Changed my mind. Need more of you on me.”

The confusion and concern that were clouding his features softens into something familiar yet somehow undefinable as he gingerly pulls out and leans forward to give you the softest kiss you’ve received all evening. “Well, let’s do that then.”

You spin around to face him and sit back on your knees, pulling him into another soft, slow kiss, brushing his hair off his forehead. He basks in your tender attention for a moment before he’s guiding you back down onto the bed, situating himself to fully lay on top of you, between your legs, careful not to break your kiss until you’re ready.

He slips back inside you and before he even gets the chance to ask, a breathy “Yessss” is all the confirmation he needs to know that this is what you were craving. You wrap your legs around him and run your hands across his broad back, “Just wanted to feel more,” you explain.

Your eyes are closed, relishing the feel of his weight on you and the stretch of him inside you, so you don’t notice the way he silently studies you for a moment before he lifts himself up and starts thrusting into you again.

For all the filth that’s come out of your mouths this evening, this round finds you both unusually quiet, letting your joined symphony of moans, groans, “yeah”s and “fuck”s say everything that needs to be expressed.

You feel him reach for your hand and move it to rest above you on the pillow, interlacing his fingers with yours; you respond with a squeeze and then one up him by turning your head to nip at the moon tattoo closest to you, simply because you can. He’s left his signature up and down your body tonight, it’s only fair you get to leave a small token of your appreciation on his.  

He hisses at the feel of your teeth lightly grazing his skin. “Come on, darlin’, play nice.”

“Since when do we do that?” You breathlessly reply and then bask in the glow of the grin you receive in response.

Still smiling, Ash shakes his head. “If you’re able to make smartass remarks like that, clearly I’m not doing my job here.”

He takes one of your legs from around his waist and lifts your thigh back towards your chest; your mouth opens to moan but nothing happens as he pulls almost entirely out and then fucks into you so much slower and deeper than before. He chuckles, “That’s more like it.”

You consider rolling your eyes at his teasing or panting out another sassy quip at him but the way he’s moving in you feels so otherworldly you honestly don’t care about anything else. You grab on to his forearm and dig your nails in.

“Feeling good, beautiful?” He reaches between you and mercilessly rubs your clit. “Who’s making you feel this good?”

The sound emanating from your throat might be his name but mainly sounds like a series of whimpers.

He rubs harder and thrusts deeper. “Didn’t hear you, speak up. Whose cock makes you feel like this?” You continue crying out nonsensically as you feel yourself on the verge of your third orgasm.

You need him close so you pull him down to you for a kiss. He sloppily licks into your mouth, panting against your lips. He’s almost as gone as you are. You bite at his bottom lip and say, with a bit more desperation than you anticipated, “Gonna cum for you, Ash.” He nods understandingly and pecks your lips once more.

His lips move to your neck as his thrusts speed up again; he’s determined now and you’re moaning in earnest. You feel that familiar burning in your core and your eyes instinctively flutter shut, savoring the fall into bliss.

"Uh-uh, eyes open, baby. Want you to look at me. Need to be sure you know whose cock it is you're cumming on,” Ashton commands.

You force yourself to focus on him as you start to unravel, your entire body on fire, tensing deliciously; your mind is screaming his name but only indecipherable whines fall from your lips. Ashton is relentless as he fucks you through it, his thrusts never slow; no matter how impossibly tight your pussy squeezes around his cock, he never stops driving into you even rougher and deeper than before.

His eyes remain locked on yours, making the entire experience feel unbelievably more intimate. You swear you can feel every pent up emotion from the evening - the jealousy, the worry, the possessiveness, the passion, the… love? - in his gaze and you’ve never had a more intense orgasm, physically or emotionally.

As you come down from your high, you hear him praising you, “Yes, baby... love making you cum… you always give so much… always such a good girl for me.” His words alone would've earned a reaction from you but he sounds as wrecked as you feel, causing you to emit a deep and breathy moan at this realization. He’s panting so heavily you know his release won’t be far behind.

You feel like you're mad with desire at this point; you're beyond satisfied and you know you couldn't possibly cum again but you still feel like you're wanting something, you still need more of him. Feeling emboldened by watching Ash lose control and the euphoria still pulsing through your body, you find yourself digging your nails into his arms and muttering, “Want your cum, Ash.”

He lets out a grunt as his hips slam into yours. “Oh, you’re definitely about to get it,” he smirks.

You sigh partly out of exasperation and partly out of arousal for what you’re about to request. “No, Ash, I want it,” you pant. “Want you to cum on me, make me yours.”

His hips slow as he processes your words. “Fuck” is all he can manage to growl under his breath in response. He pulls out and you whimper at both the absence of him and the anticipation of what’s going to happen.

Ashton peels off the condom and you can’t take your eyes off him as he wraps his long fingers around his cock and begins to stroke himself. It only takes a few tugs before he’s gasping and murmuring your name and you have to moan along with him when you feel his warm cum spurting onto your stomach and chest. He maintains a firm grip as the rhythm of his hand varies, making sure he squeezes out every last drop for you.

He hangs his head in exhaustion for a beat and then takes in the sight of you: fucked out, chest heaving, painted in his release. You catch him staring and offer him a tired yet mischievous smile; he seems to pick up on your wavelength and smirks as he runs a finger through the substance on your breasts and brings it up to your lips for you to suck off.

“Jesus, baby,” he groans, shaking his head almost as if he can’t believe his eyes. “Don’t move.” He affectionately rubs your thigh a few times before he moves off the bed and ducks into the bathroom, returning seconds later with a wet washcloth.

He climbs back next to you on the bed and presses a passionate kiss to your lips before he starts gently cleaning you up; it’s quiet for a few moments and the intimacy is not lost on either of you. You reach up and brush his wild hair from his eyes. “Hey,” you start, fondly.

He smiles much softer than he has all night. “Hey yourself,” he giggles.

You pause and feel a bit of leftover boldness coursing through you, so you comment, “You seem like you’ve got something on your mind.”

Ash bites his lip and exhales deeply, clearly considering how to answer. He looks down, avoiding your eyes, and fusses over a mark on your hip that’s sure to form into a gnarly bruise by morning. “Sorry if I got a little crazy tonight, I know I‘m usually better at checking in with you,” he muses.

You sit up and squeeze his shoulder. You feel the urge to reassure him but you can tell he’s on the verge of opening up and you don’t want to derail him. You’re trying to find the courage to prompt him further when he surprises you by admitting, “It just really fuckin’ got to me when I thought... “ he trails off, looking away again. “I got weirded out about those flowers and I shouldn’t have. And I’m sorry.” He tosses the washcloth onto the nightstand in exasperation.

You give him a faint smile. “Ash, I told you ---”

“I know and I believe you but I just started thinking... and then I couldn’t stop,” he confesses quietly. He stands up and pulls on a pair of shorts before busying himself by starting to tidy the bed.

You excuse yourself to the bathroom. You figure he could use some time to process whatever it is he’s still trying to work out so you wash your face, brush your teeth and slip on a t-shirt of his you find discarded on the counter.

You venture back into the bedroom and find him tossing the pillows back onto the bed after having changed the sheets. He still looks lost inside his thoughts and you yearn to ease his mind. You walk over and hug him from behind, burying your face into his back; he gives your arms an affectionate squeeze.

“I know we don’t really talk about this kind of thing but I feel like you should know I haven’t seen anybody else since we started talking,” you offer, your confession muffled with your face still pressed against his skin. “It hasn’t even been a conscious thing, I just… haven’t been interested, I guess.”

Ashton pulls you to his side and kisses the top of your head. “Thank you for telling me that,” he murmurs, rubbing your back.

You quickly come around and kneel on the bed in front of him so that you’re at his eye level and you wrap your arms around his neck. “And I liked everything that happened tonight; you know I would have told you otherwise,” you assert. He nods in acknowledgement so you continue, “I like hearing you tell me I’m your girl, I like when you make me feel like I’m yours... ”

You feel tempted to look away, to fidget with the necklace he’s wearing but you resist. You look straight into his hazel eyes, full of warmth and attentiveness, and state, “You know, I could be yours, if that’s something you decide you want.”

Ash only lets your words hang in the air for a split second before he wraps his arms around you tightly and kisses you slowly; it’s intense and passionate but not in the same over the top, cocky way that he kissed you back at your apartment. This kiss is also trying to prove something but it’s a message meant only for you and he’s taking his time to make his point clear.

When your mouths finally separate, you take a deep breath and steady yourself on his arms. You open your eyes at him and grin. “Was that your way of asking?”

—-

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[hawkinshellfire]

Right Where You Left Me

Chapter 8 - August

Remember when I pulled up and said, "Get in the car"

And then cancelled my plans just in case you'd call?

Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all

What a  loser  , Chrissy thinks to herself as she and Karen leave Lonnie Byer’s table. No wonder he was interested in someone like Joyce, they were both  strange  . It made total sense that they would find each other. What didn’t make sense was  her  boyfriend's infatuation with Joyce. 

 What she initially thought was a pointless friendship she’d soon discovered ran much deeper and for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why Hopper was friends with someone like Joyce. They were complete opposites, yet, Hopper was constantly talking about things they did. It didn’t matter what they were doing, it seemed as though he always found a way to tell her a story about Joyce and she hated it. She loathed their friendship. Chrissy normally didn’t consider herself a jealous person but there was something about the way Hopper was addicted to staring at Joyce that made her doubt herself more than usual. 

 Why was he always  staring at her? Even after she’d made it crystal clear that their relationship should take precedence over his friend, he was  always  looking at  her . It was baffling. Joyce was plain-looking with her dark brown hair and petite frame. She wasn’t as developed as Chrissy was and she certainly didn’t put the same amount of effort into her appearance. Besides, she was a senior and Joyce was only a junior. Chrissy knew how much weight that carried with a jock like Hopper. Image was everything and she and Hopper were a picture-perfect couple. 

 Tonight, when she could tell he wasn’t listening to a word she said, she decided she needed to take matters into her own hands and make it clear to both Hopper and Joyce that she wasn’t going to stand for it any longer.

 It was bad enough that she interrupted some type of  moment  between them after the game, but now  her  boyfriend was ignoring her to stare at someone that was sitting with someone else. It was mutiny. She planned on finding Hopper and giving him an earful, but first, she seizes the opportunity to make Joyce pay for stealing her boyfriend's attention away from her by dragging Karen with her to talk to Lonnie Byers. 

 “Why did we just waste time talking to that guy?” Karen whispers as they head back to their table. 

 “I just needed him to know what a waste of time it is to pursue Joyce.”

 “Is it true, what you said?”

 “Oh totally. She’s like, obsessed with him.” 

 Karen shrugs and rejoins the group while Chrissy hovers near the edge of the table, her back turned to them. She draws in a deep breath and does her best to muster up an enthusiastic smile, though she felt anything but happy. Tonight was supposed to be perfect. The team won the game and she was out celebrating with her friends and boyfriend. Only, her friends were boring and her boyfriend was missing in action. 

 And what was it with the comment the random junior who’d joined their table made? There was no way Hopper was  with  Joyce at her party. She drove him home from that party and he was  all  over her. Wasn’t he? Come to think of it, he was acting a little strange when she found him wandering down the street towards his house. What if something did happen? No. That was crazy. She was being paranoid. James Hopper was in love with her, she was certain of it. Joyce was nothing but a minor inconvenience that could easily be dealt with. 

 She rolls her shoulders back and tells Karen that she’ll be back after she checks on Hopper. 

 .

.

Pushing through the front door of the diner, Chrissy looks around for Hopper. When she doesn’t spot him, she sighs and paces a few yards into the parking lot.

 She’s rattled by his sudden disappearance and is just about to give up on him for the night and retire to her friends when she spots his shadow in the narrow alley beside the restaurant. 

 “There you are,” she calls out as she approaches him. 

 He’s slumped against the wall, puffing on his cigarette with both hands stuffed in his front pockets. When she approaches him, he pinches his eyes shut and sighs under his breath. 

 “Hey,” he greets her.

 “Everything alright?” she asks. “What are you doing all the way over here?”

 “I just needed a minute. Long day and all,” he lies. 

 She looks around the quiet alley, the only light illuminating their faces provided by the neon signs out front of the diner and an old street lamp on the far side of the parking lot. 

 She thought Joyce would be out here smoking with Hopper and considers asking if he’d seen her but chooses not to. She wanted to avoid all conversations that involved Joyce if she could. All that mattered was that the brunette appeared to be gone.

 Hopper seemed tense. His shoulders were hunched, knuckles clenched and his jaw was tensed. He was in such a great mood before he came out to smoke, now he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. 

 She waits for him to pull the cigarette from between his teeth before she asks what’s bothering him. 

 “Are you sure you’re alright? 

 “I’m fine!” he barks. 

 Chrissy shrinks down into the shadows next to him and purses her lips. She lingers silently near his side, unsure of how to react to his quick-tempered comment. Hopper wasn’t the type to yell, she knew that but sometimes he spoke rashly and she wasn’t in the mood to argue with him tonight. 

 He peers down at her and his features soften, eyes widening while the corners of his lips curl upwards. 

 “Hey,” he says softly, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh.”

 She nods, accepting his apology without speaking. 

 “Should we go back inside?” he asks.

 “Sure.” She nods and takes a few steps back towards the diner, but Hopper calls out to her before she gets too far.

 “Chrissy,” his voice is deep and low. She turns to face him and catches the lustful look in his eyes. It sends a chill rippling through her body and she walks back towards him. 

 He reaches for her palm and pulls her flush into his chest while leaning down to press his lips against hers. 

 He deepens the kiss, but something isn’t right. It’s as if he’s kissing her physically but his mind is someplace else. Kissing him back, she nips gently on his lower lip and notices he doesn’t respond the way he normally does. Instead, he’s cold and rigid against her; moving through the motions on autopilot. 

 She breaks the kiss and wordlessly takes his hand, leading him back to their friends. 

.

.

 Back at the table, nestled between Benny and Karen, Chrissy watches as Hopper listens to the story being told while absentmindedly munching on fries. 

 The table Lonnie Byers was sitting at is now empty, leaving her to wonder if maybe he and Joyce went somewhere together. A large part of her hopes that he left alone. If Joyce insisted on ruining her relationship with Hopper (even if she wasn’t aware that she was ruining it) then she shouldn’t get to run off into the sunset and be happy. Even if the happily ever after was with a loser like Lonnie. Joyce didn’t deserve it. 

 “Everything okay?” Karen leans over and whispers to Chrissy. 

 “Of course,” Chrissy replies in a fake cheerful tone. 

 She refocuses on Hopper, who is engaged in a conversation with Benny. Looking less than enthused, she observes him as he blinks slowly and cradles his chin in his hand, which is resting on the table. 

 He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but in the diner, which was unusual. Hopper had always loved the tradition of hanging out with his teammates after games. Ever since they started dating she noticed it was when he appeared to be happiest. 

 Mingling with his peers and riding the high that came with winning a highschool football game always raised his spirits. Tonight, she hardly recognized him. 

 She was certain the damper on his mood had something to do with Joyce. She’d never seen her at a game before, it couldn’t be a coincidence that tonight, the night that Joyce showed up to watch him play, Hopper was miserable. 

 Watching him, she considers reaching for his hand to cheer him up but doesn’t want to risk public rejection. Instead, she decides that maybe she’ll propose they leave and attempt to cheer him up by flirting with him on their way home. 

 Hopper beats her to ask if he is ready to leave and leans over to ask her if she wants a ride home. 

 “I was thinking of heading out, do you want a ride?”

 “Sure,” she nods.

 She gathers up her things and says goodbye to a few of her friends while Hopper settles their bill. When she exits the diner, she finds him leaning against the hood of the car, cigarette dangling between his teeth. 

 “You know, those things will kill you.’

 “So I’ve been told,” he mutters. He puts it out and rounds the car to open her door before climbing behind the wheel and starting the car. That was one thing she loved about him, he was always such a gentleman. 

 She fiddles with the radio while Hopper backs out of the parking lot, and settles on a station playing soft jazz. She considers asking him what happened when he went out to smoke. Obviously, he and Joyce had some type of interaction, his mood was clearly a direct reflection of Joyce’s presence tonight. 

 She contemplates asking him what was going on between them but decides she doesn’t want to know the answer. Instead, she feels the need to regain control of the situation and decides the best way to do so is to distract him from Joyce and all the issues associated with her. Batting her eyelashes, she turns to face him. 

 “We could always swing by the lake?” she suggests in a flirty tone. 

 “Not tonight,” he sighs. “I’m exhausted.”

 “We wouldn’t have to stay long.”

 “I just want to get home, it’s been a long day.”

 “Alright. What’s wrong?” she demands. Enough was enough. 

 “Huh?”

 “What the hell is wrong with you?” she asks, louder this time. 

 “Something is wrong with me because I’m tired after playing in a football game? You’re being a bit ridiculous, don’t you think?”

 He doesn’t raise his voice but he sounds irritated by her line of questioning so she presses on. 

 “You’re acting...off.”

 “Must be because I’m  tired, ” he insists. 

 “Fine. The lake is lame anyway,” she shrugs, trying to save face by pretending she no longer wanted to go. “Pretty soon we’ll be out of this shitty little town and we’ll have plenty of better options for how we want to spend our nights.”

 Content with herself, and the way she pretended she didn’t care to stop at the lake, Chrissy leans back against her seat and looks out the window. The town was passing in a blur, rows upon rows of similar brick houses, each looking more miserable than the last. This town was so bland. She couldn’t wait to graduate at the end of the year. 

 In an attempt to keep the mood light and remind him of how great they were together, she smiles and softly states. “Just think, we could have it all in just a few years. A huge property and a house with one of those wrap-around porches.”

 “What if that’s not what I want?” he sighs.

 “Well then, what  do you want?”

 He stares out the window and lets out a long breath, his knuckles turning white as he grips the steering wheel. 

 She knows what he wants. She doesn’t want to admit it, but deep down, she knows.  He’d made it clear this evening that although he may want all of the things she’d just brought up, he doesn’t want them with her. It stings, knowing that his heart has been claimed by someone else while he’s supposed to love her, and she lets some of her hurt out by snapping towards him with a snide remark. 

 “You want  her , don’t you?”

 It’s accusing and uncalled for, but she doesn’t care. She’s angry and his feelings are written all over his face. He was interested in Joyce Horowitz and was stringing her along -- for what? She wasn’t exactly sure. 

 “I never said that.”

 “You haven’t denied it either,” she snaps.

 He continues to drive down the street, the street light illuminating the edge of her driveway now visible. Chrissy folds her arms over her chest and sinks down into her seat. She half expected him to deny it now, but he remains silent and that’s all the confirmation she needs. They pull into her driveway in a complete, all-consuming silence and she flings open the passenger side door with impressive force. 

 She retrieves her bag from the floor of the car and slings it over her shoulder, the pleats on her cheerleading skirt whirling as she rashly moves. 

 “Nice James. Really nice.”

 “What the hell did I do now?!” he cries, throwing his arms up as he follows her out of the car and up the lawn towards her porch.

 “You aren’t even going to try and deny that you have feelings for her?!” she flares her nostrils up at him. She quickly pivots around and charges towards him. 

 She stops just shy of him and stares up at him, “Well, say something!” 

 She considers swatting at his chest to force a response from him but instead takes a step back so she can look him in the eye. 

 “You can’t do this to me!” she screams. 

 “Do  what  to you?”

 His words are softly spoken and she can’t tell if he’s given up or if he’s trying to keep her calm. Regardless of his intentions, she’s anything but calm and his relaxed tone only angers her more. 

 “Be with me while you have feelings for her. Pick. Me or her.”

 “You don’t want to make me do that, “ he admits while shoving his hands in his pockets. 

 “Why not?”

 “We both know I’ll choose her.”

  'Cause you weren't mine to lose

You weren't mine to lose

[trunkzbriefs]

Any Son and/or Briefs family headcanons? Spicy hot takes? Truths Toriyama and Toyotaro themselves can not handle? Straight up lies?

GODDAMN SORRY this took a while cause i suck at putting thoughts together. i apologize for my obvious briefs bias i have more hcs for them than the son family despite loving them both :pensive: anyway heres some random stuff

briefs hcs:

all of the briefs are pros at non-verbal communication. i hc that saiyans have their own language (and also in my own Mind Canon they still have their fuckin tails) and a lot of it is done through tail movement/body posture/grunts/etc. etc so theyve all sort of picked that up. even bulma, who doesnt have a tail, is pretty good at getting across what she means without actually speaking. they still do speak normally but it comes in handy sometimes considering that both trunks and vegeta are prone to running out of speaking energy or getting very frustrated with words, so having another way to communicate works very well for them

vegeta is fffffffffffffffffffurry. without getting too deep into my own General Saiyan hcs (thats why i made a whole ass four subspecies!!) i think that the entirety of planet vegeta tended to be very hot aside from the part where the castle was, where the temperature would drop. meaning that saiyans working in the palace would grow thicker fur around certain parts of their body, and in the royal saiyans theyd be Especially fluffy. he kept it down on earth, but he has thick patches of fur around the bottom parts of his arms and legs. kind of like snowy boots and gloves! he also has fur that grows in on his neck like a lions mane.

future trunks is an actions sponge, vegeta is a words sponge. vegeta will pick up words VERY quickly regardless if he fully understands the meaning of it or not (completely inspired by 'THATS RIGHT BOYS... MONDO COOL' in z) and future trunks will unintentionally mimic the actions of people - around people he looks up to he might take a few small mannerisms from but this extends to copying the disposition of anyone; he's just very adaptive. this is the most obvious (and funniest) when he's around vegeta bc it really shows like. yeah damn that sure is vegeta's son

vegeta & bulla have an intimidating bastard smirk naturally. their natural smiles are pretty frightening and they have to put effort into a 'normal' one. this also extends to current trunks, his default smile is the Vegeta Bastard Smirk but he learned to have a normal smile quicker than his father and sister. future trunks has a slightly unnerving natural smile (the fact that his pupils are always drawn so fucking small makes me hc that he just has a very intimidating look of 'cat thats about to pounce on an unfortunate trapped mouse' whenever he smiles) but he learned to look normal even quicker than current trunks since he's around humans a Lot and is sort of their uh, Hope. don't want to look scary to the people who depend on you!

bulma has some fighting knowledge and mildly good ki control. vegeta taught her it as a just in case so that she'd be able to defend herself against Bigger threats if he wasn't there and also so she could raise her own ki to alert someone to her if she had to.

vegeta is extremely clean and can not stand to have things disorganized for more than like... an hour before he has to tidy everything up. every time he goes down to the lab and bulma is passed out in a pile of bolts and circuit boards it kills him inside just a little bit

future trunks has little concept of power control. since his timeline was always in danger it wasn't really an important thing for him to learn. the amount of mugs he's accidentally crushed is impressive

vegeta tends to not sound like he's asking questions when he is. he doesn't add the proper infliction to the end of his questions and just sounds flat most of the time. it's confusing to people who dont know him well.

im not even gonna lie, im a BIG fan of the chill demon panchy headcanon so i love the idea that the briefs have a Lil bit of demon in them but just dont know it ghjnkm

[banging my fists on the 'hcs that not even got could take away from me' table] future trunks has OCD

vegeta doesn't really get labels but he's bisexual & "debatably a man", bulma is bisexal & bigender transfem (sometimes shes Wamen and other times its like "gender? no"), bulla is a nonbinary lesbian, current trunks is a bisexual trans man & future bulma forgot to explain the concept of gender and sexuality to future trunks so he's a little confused on that front and his gender & sexuality are "i have literally never thought abt these concepts in my life but i think men are nice. i refuse to think about gender though" (i actually have two main hcs for future trunks which are either gay trans man or more-feminine-presenting nonbinary bisexual)

son hcs:

goku is Not as fluffy as vegeta at all, but he does have fur on certain parts of his body. namely on the back of his elbows + ankles, down his back connecting to his tail, and on his shoulders. its inherented from gine!

gohan is learning saiyan language from vegeta! vegeta acts grumpy about it but he's glad to have someone to teach. when gohan learned that most of the history had been lost he basically wished shenron for a big ol book on saiyan culture and gave it to vegeta just as an act of kindness and vegeta was like [in an angry voice but very touched] "Ok. Sit down. You're learning." by extension gohan is also teaching the rest of his family!

i will take ox king being actually non-human to my grave so like, chichi has horns and a very short ox tail! gohan and goten both have horns, but they're hidden by hair. goten's horns are bigger than gohans.

goten also has a more ox-like tail, with a little puff of fur at the end. generally, gohan looks more saiyan-like and goten looks more ox/human-like.

although he keeps up his cheery demeanor very well, goku is still haunted pretty badly by like... everything that’s happened in his life. he still has frequent nightmares about cell & buu specifically.

gohan will freak out at worse, zone out at best, if he's even tapped on the neck. it reminds him of the whole 'getting his neck snapped on namek' so that area is pretty off limits to everyone

goten gets along really well with android 17. they both have a love for nature and 17s kind of like his chill uncle, so whenever he gets too stressed out or just needs a break you can find him face down on the ground outside of 17's place on monster island.

goku is really really good at remembering completely random shit. bulma uses this to her advantage whenever she's working and has him memorize random technology stuff. a week later goku can not remember what he had for breakfast that morning but as soon as bulma asks "hey do you remember what i told you last week" hes like "oh yeah sure i have no idea what it means but [blurts out three hours worth of technical garble]"

oh boy is this a headcanon that has a lot more depth to it than just a bullet on a tumblr post, but gohan has DID!

goku, like vegeta, doesnt get labels either, and does not even Try, ask him about any of it and hes like "i dont get the gender thing but i think lots of people look nice :)" gohan is gay and like vegeta, "debatably a man", goten + chichi are both bi nonbinary, & pan is a lesbian trans woman.

both:

bulla and pan are both into music! i think theyd mess around making their own stuff w/ launchpads

i have a general hc of ki mixing or shielding, essentially, if youre close enough to someone people wont be able to tell apart your ki and you can also 'shield' someone with your ki for a small amount of time. if vegeta has his energy low, his and bulma's energy are the same. same thing with goku and chichi! goten and trunks are near impossible to tell apart, and same thing with gohan and videl.

though goten and trunks are both protective over their younger siblings, gotenks is that protectiveness times a thousand. look at bulla or pan wrong for 2 seconds and you're going to have an angry gotenks in your face asking if you have any last words. i like to think that trunks and goten fused casually a lot, especially around the time where bulla and pan were young, so its basically goten and trunks own attachment to them PLUS gotenks' attachment to them as his own person combined.

i like to pretend end of z did not happen the way it did so uub, using nimbus, travels back and forth a lot. goku isn’t the only one who teaches him how to fight as goten, gohan and trunks all think of him like a little brother and love training with him!

fuck you letters to toriyama/toyotaro hot takes:

cell, as cool of a villian as he is, definitely should have had a creepier final form. or multiple- just something that really drives in the fact that he's made up of other's dna & fuckin ABSORBS people. also his first two forms should have had a different absorbtion method other than the tail thing (not the drinking thing thats fine) it just feels.   Weird. not good

it would have been far more interesting to keep the bitter attitude towards vegeta that future trunks had imo... in super trunks was going through a Lot granted but the fact tht he wasnt more confrontational to vegeta being a dick to him seemed kind of off considering his attitude in z i just.. think it would be interesting and far better if they had more of a back and forth 'family but lowkey hate each other' relationship

i dont want to rant about super so heres some super condensed takes, goku black arc specific because thats 90% of what ive seen of super:

mai is a fucking freak ass weirdo, why did they not just make another character to pair with trunks

trunks not flipping the fuck out at his timeline being erased feels... out of character. also trunks deserved the win against zamasu

future bulma did NOT need to die

trunks should have just stayed in the current timeline

please fucking let trunks and goten grow up. we SAW a version of trunks who looked 14 (history of trunks....) and the versions of goten & trunks we have r/n in super do not look 13/14 respectively what in the goddamn hell is going on in the character design department

super definitely should have taken place later down the line

supers version of bulma and videl look awful. why are they That stick like.

vegeta needs to kill frieza. just once.

fu has enough potential to be a very interesting mainline character and i am so sad he's not

i would actively enjoy a sdbh anime with more  budget that isnt just a promo anime and has a plot that makes sense... i think db should have more wild spinoffs

xenoverse deserved a better story that went FULL in on the 'what if' type of timelines- like they did in raging blast which is a FUCKING GREAT GAME

straight up lies:

dragon ball z is a good series

[tiggyloo]

3AM

here’s a cute connverse fic I wrote (also up on AO3 and FF.net which are linked in my description)

~~~~

Connie finally convinced her parents to let Steven sleep over at their house

~~~~

Connie had finally convinced her parents to let Steven stay the night, without there being some kind of horrible weather to back it up. She'd said it took hours to convince them, with a myriad of excuses and a heck of a lot of bargaining. But, she did it, and now Steven was with Connie in her room.

He was only allowed in there with her if they kept the door open. He was also allowed to sleep in her room, but he had to sleep on the floor--which he was going to do anyway? But Connie's parents still felt the need to state that as a rule. They were allowed to close the door when they went to sleep, though, so there was that, but only when they went to sleep.

"I still can't believe your parents are actually letting me stay here tonight," Steven mused as he wandered around Connie's room. This was actually the first time he'd ever been in her room, and Connie found his curiosity quite amusing.

"Yeah, I know. Don't expect it to happen again anytime soon, though," she said from her bed. With how much effort she had to put in just to get this, she honestly didn't even want to do this again. Not for a while. It was exhausting.

"So, anyway, what do you wanna do? I don't usually stay up past ten or ten thirty, so we don't really have that long to do anything. But I'd still like to pass the time with something," she said, kicking her legs.

Steven paused in his exploring and thought for a minute. What even was there to do? She didn't have a TV in her room, and she didn't really have much in terms of games--other than board and card games, which wouldn't be too bad. But they'd already played a bunch of those since he'd gotten here. It had been fun, and her parents had actually joined them for a few games, but he wasn't really sure if he wanted to play more of that right now.

He finally thought of something and took out his phone before going over to Connie. He got on the bed beside her and she watched him pull something up on the screen.

"So, I have this game that I play with the Gems sometimes. It's one of those trivia games, but it's like...it's not really the kind of stuff you'd expect? It's got a lot of random and super obscure and funny stuff, and you have to pick the correct option from a few different ones. We're not very good at it, it's just funny to see how right or wrong we are," Steven explained as he navigated the app.

"Huh. That does sound fun," Connie said with a quiet laugh. "I know a lot of random trivia, comes with all the books I've read. I'm not sure if it's to the level of what you've implied here, though."

"Well, I guess we'll have to find out," Steven said as he hit the "play" button.

They played this game for a while, laughing almost hysterically at some of the trivia questions. Connie actually ended up knowing the answers to a decent amount of them, too, which shocked them both. When they finally remembered to check the time it was ten minutes after eleven.

"Oh! Gosh, we need to get to sleep," Connie gasped, hopping off the bed. "Why didn't my parents say anything? They never let me stay up this late."

"Maybe they didn't want to interrupt us having fun?" Steven suggested. It was a possibility. They definitely couldn't have just forgotten with how loud the two had been.

“Hmm…I guess so? It’s not like they haven’t loosened up over the last few years, so it’s not out of the question. Let's still get to sleep before it gets much later, though."

Steven nodded and they both went and cleaned up for the night.

Once everything was taken care of, Connie closed her door and climbed into bed, while Steven shuffled into his sleeping bag. Connie switched her lights off once Steven was situated and he heard her lie down.

A few minutes went by and he heard Connie start to move again. She was scooting closer and when he opened his eyes he saw her face peeking out over the edge of the bed. He gave her a confused look, then her arm slid over the edge and she made a grabbing motion with her hand. 

Steven let out an amused snort and lifted his arm. Given their positions, holding Connie's hand was a little awkward, but they managed. She scooted a little more so that her arm could hang a bit lower, which made holding onto her somewhat easier at least. She squeezed his hand before adjusting her pillow so that she could comfortably lay her head down.

She closed her eyes to sleep and Steven just gazed up at her for a few minutes, a soft expression on his face. Soon after he started to doze off and then they were both fast asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sometime after, Steven was woken up by a gentle tugging on his sleeve. His eyes blinked open and he squinted up at Connie, who seemed almost wide awake. He rubbed his eyes and turned to look out the window. It was still pitch black outside.

"What time is it?" Steven asked as his head lazily rolled back over to face the girl above him.

"It's like...three in the morning."

He stared at her with half closed eyes.

"…Why did you wake me up at three in the morning?"

"Um..."

Steven could just barely see her face darken with a blush.

"I'm, um...I'm cold and don't have another blanket," she murmured into her pillow. "So, I was wondering if you'd maybe, come up here?"

They looked at each other for a few seconds before Steven slowly sat up with a half-asleep, grumbling moan. He gave a big stretch and scratched the back of his head before unzipping the sleeping bag.

"Hurry uuup," Connie said and he mumbled a "yeah, yeah," before grabbing onto the bed and pulling himself to his feet. He waited for Connie to move over and got under the blankets, then let himself fall onto his side, causing the mattress to squeak, and Connie huffed.

"You're so dramatic."

"Nah, just tired."

She chuckled and came closer, and Steven put his arms around her and pulled her in against his chest.

"You know your parents are going to kill us if they see this," Steven murmured into her hair. She snuggled against him and hummed softly.

"It'll be okay. My parents don't just barge into my room, especially if my door is closed. Don't worry."

She felt his chest rumble in acknowledgement and he kissed the top of her head. She giggled and curled her fingers into his shirt as Steven rubbed her back with his thumb.

A few quiet minutes went by like this before Connie moved again, getting an annoyed groan from Steven. "Connie, go to sleep," he grumbled, gently shoving her face closer against his chest. She held back a laugh and pushed against him to free herself from the fabric of his shirt.

"Can I ask for something first?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Nooo. Go to sleep."

Connie snickered at Steven's whining and nudged herself away from him so that she could move upwards on the bed. She laid her head in front of his and he made a noise, but didn't open his eyes.

His eyebrows knit together a moment later and he scrunched up his nose when she poked it. He still didn't open his eyes, though. Instead, he brought his hand up and blindly put it over Connie's face, then gave a push. She grunted when he did this, but had an amused face when Steven took his hand away.

He had his face hidden in the pillow now and Connie huffed again, turning on to her back and crossing her arms. "Come on, don't make me beg."

Steven mumbled something into the pillow.

"...Huh?"

He turned his head just enough for Connie to see one of his eyes. "I said it's cute when you beg."

Connie gave him a mock offended gasp and she saw him smile.

"Okay, give me a good reason for why I should kiss you."

"Uhh, because you love me?"

"Eeehhh."

She turned and shoved him with her foot, to which he responded with a breathy chuckle.

"You're the worst."

He just shrugged.

"You're really gunna make me beg for this, aren't you?"

"You woke me up at three AM."

She pouted but it was a fair point.

After a moment she crawled over to Steven, got on top of him, and flopped down onto his back. He groaned again as she messed with his hair.

"Come on, please? Just one."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Tired."

"That hasn't stopped you before."

"Mm."

Connie yelped a second later as Steven lifted himself up and flipped over. She squirmed underneath him and managed to move him just enough to get her head out.

"Hey!"

"Shhhh."

She puffed her cheeks and started squirming again.

"You're heavy."

"Yep."

"I hate you."

"Uh-huh."

Connie sighed and gave up on trying to get him off. She kind of deserved this anyway.

Quite some time went by and Connie thought that Steven had actually fallen back to sleep. She pushed against him again but this time tried pushing with her legs as well, and managed to slide him off a few inches more.

"Mmmmnnn."

"Oh, so you are still awake."

"Unfortunately."

He rolled himself off the rest of the way before rearranging himself back under the blanket.

Connie did the same, then sat up and frowned at the boy next to her. "You know, the sooner you give me a kiss, the sooner you can go back to sleep."

He seemed to consider that for a while. Then, with yet another groan, he got up. Connie giggled as he stretched his back like a cat before sitting up.

"You make a good argument."

"So...can I have that kiss then?"

"I guess."

She grinned and crawled over to his waiting arms.

"You're such a nuisance," Steven told her before finally giving her what she wanted.

She smiled into the kiss, which was soft and tired, as she wrapped her arms around Steven's shoulders. She felt him slide an arm down and he started to move, so she broke the kiss to watch him.

Steven carefully lowered himself down onto the bed, guiding Connie along with him. She hovered over him now, gazing down into his sleepy, loving eyes.

He reached up and brushed his fingers along her cheek, then gently pulled her closer. He brought her in for another kiss, and she let herself sink into him as his arms wrapped around her back.

It was well past 3AM now, but Steven didn't seem to care about that anymore. Right now he just cared about the kisses, the feeling of Connie’s skin against his finger tips, and the tickle of her breath on his face whenever they came apart.

Connie had her fingers tangled in his curly hair as they kissed and cooed and made gentle movements against each other for neither knows how long. She reveled Steven's touch, his closeness, and she wasn't about to stop it by looking at the clock.

Steven's hands had started to travel lower and lower now, sliding down her back, until Connie had to cut him off with a quick, "Hey!" which he quietly laughed at.

"I'm just teasing, you know I wouldn't do that."

She rolled her eyes and smiled at him. "I know."

They kissed again, and Steven put a firm hand on her back. He turned, ending the kiss for just a few seconds to carefully place Connie down beneath him.

"I thought you were tired?" Connie said with a smug look on her face. Steven didn't answer, just went in for another kiss. And another, and another.

Connie was full of giggles by the end of all this as Steven pressed little kisses along her neck and jaw line and all over her smiling face. He'd become so much more affectionate toward her over the last several months, which she definitely wasn't going to complain about, because it meant more of this.

Connie felt him trailing kisses back down her neck, along her collarbone, and over to the exposed skin above her chest. She tried to quiet her giggling by covering her mouth when Steven made a shushing sound but that didn't last long because he went back to kissing her face.

She gave him a soft shove and said, "You're going to get us in trouble!"

"You're the one making all the noise," he teased before leaning in to start kissing her again.

Connie, still giggling, held his face back as he tried to get closer, causing him to start laughing as well.

"Shhhh, Steven!"

They both had a hand over the other's mouth, trying to stop themselves from laughing, which was working, but barely. The hands were removed once they'd both finally calmed down—which took about five minutes—and Steven abandoned his position above Connie to lie down beside her.

"Okay, what time is it?" he asked and she sat up a little so that she could see the clock.

"Oh, gosh, it's almost four thirty."

"Ah."

Connie settled back down and turned her head to look at Steven, who was looking right back. For a while this was how they stayed, then Steven lifted himself up again.

"Okay, one more and then we go to sleep," he said and Connie started giggling again.

"Sure. But make it a good one."

"Can do."

Steven bent down and gave her one last kiss. It was long and deep as he weaved his fingers into Connie’s messy hair and she gently pushed herself up against him.

The final separation was slow as Steven picked himself up, left a kiss on Connie's forehead, and returned to her side.

"Was that good enough?" he asked. She snickered and nodded.

"Okay, good, because I'm starting to feel tired again."

Connie smiled and stretched her arms above her head, then held them out for Steven. He smiled and moved closer, nuzzling into her small chest as she put her arms around him. He reached down and grabbed the blanket, pulled it up, then slipped his hand under Connie's shirt to rest his hand on her back, which she stifled a laugh over.

"Good night, Steven. I love you."

"I love you too, Connie. Now don’t wake me up again."

She chuckled and hugged him a little closer. "I won’t."

[parvulous-writings]

Jesse McCree // SFW  alphabet

​Summary: A sfw A-Z for Jesse McCree, from Overwatch! 

Warnings: use of tobacco/smoking, brief mention of death.

Notes: My requests are currently open! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist! 

Not my gif

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) 

Jesse is pretty affectionate, especially when the pair of you are alone. One armed hugs, hair ruffles and head pats are his absolute favourite way to show you affection. On occasion giving you a kiss on the cheek when in public, and his kisses goodbye are always on the lips. Always. 

B - Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?) 

McCree is quite often the sassy joker of a friend group, always pitching in a one-liner or two during even the most casual of conversations. He’s also quite the charmer, shamelessly flirting with you and occasionally others when the moment suits it. Though he will not hesitate to jump to your defense should someone else get too snarky with you. 

C - Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) 

Though he would never blurt out the fact, he loves cuddles. Curling up with you in a cosy corner, whether it be a bed or a cushioned seat, it’s one of his favourite things, he can’t deny it. He cuddles you by drawing you as close as he can so he can warm your body with his own, wrapping his arms firmly around you like a child with their favourite stuffie. 

D - Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, ect?) 

He isn’t all that fussed on settling down in any one place, so long as he can stay by you, I’d wager he’d be pretty content. He’s an alright cook, not the best but not the worst either. Cleaning, the man is far from mastering that skill (he leaves his clothes everywhere unless they’re going in the wash). 

E - Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) 

He’d be straightforward about it. Something along the lines of;  “Look, I care for ya, sugar, really I do... But I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways.”

F - Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? Do they wanna get married?) 

If you asked him, he’d probably just brush it all off with a smile. If he was honest though- commitment like engagement or marriage intimidated him a little bit. It wasn’t that he didn’t love you, it was more that he’s the kind of man to live more in the moment than to plan ahead. 

G - Gentle (How gentle are they both physically and emotionally?)

He’s fairly gentle, when he knows he needs to be. Other than that, he’s average on that kind of thing- a life in Deadlock Grange will do that to a man. 

H - Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it, and what are they like?)

Jesse is usually indifferent to hugs. Except goodbye hugs, he’ll never miss out on those, not in a million years. He knows how sporadic and random Death can be in life. 

I - I Love You (How fast do they say the “love” word?)

He doesn’t say it particularly quickly, but once he actually acknowledges his feelings for you, he’ll say it pretty often. Before you both go to sleep, before you go on a mission, etc. 

J - Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What are they like when jealous?)

McCree does tend to get jealous- usually he tries to hide it, figuring it’s an undesirable trait of his that you wouldn’t be too fond of. There are other times, however, when it does manage to get past his filter. He gets pretty agitated when jealous, and kind of possessive as well. 

K - Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

It depends on the situation. If you’re out in public, it’s usually a quick peck, on the cheek or chastely on the lips. If you’re alone, they last for a lot longer, and are much, much warmer, full of the love he often restrains from showing in front of others. 

L - Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

He’s more like an uncle figure than a father figure. He’s fun, and is relatively good with kids, but shouldn’t really be a prolonged role model for them. His role seems admirable, but it’s very morally grey, and should really only be tackled when the children are mature. 

M - Morning (What are mornings like with them?)

Slow, and sweet. Jesse usually lays in, even when he has things to do. He especially likes cuddling up to you when he’s still half asleep. “Best damn feelin’ in the world.” 

N - Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

Kind of like the mornings spent with him. Slow, quiet, and endearing. He likes just appreciating time with you, basking in your presence and showing you all the adoration you deserve. 

O - Open (When do they open up about themselves?)

Often late at night, when he’s tired and you’re both alone. It’s when his walls fall down, his exhaustion making them crumble. He also thinks that because you’re also probably tired, you’ll hardly remember his low, quiet voice spilling stories about his demons. 

P - Patience (How easily angered are they?)

This depends on how much sleep he’s gotten, or how stressed he’s been recently. If he’s gotten enough sleep and life has been easy on him, he’s like a lazy river- but then if he’s deprived of sleep and work has piled onto him, he’s more like the blazing fires of hell. 

Q - Quizzes (How much do they remember about you?)

He remembers a fair amount. Not everything- he’d say that’s impossible. But a reasonable amount. 

R - Remember (Favorite memory with you?)

When the two of you went to the Diner along Route 66. Though he personally doesn’t always like the place, the jokes you made that day still make him chuckle. You also fed him some apple pie and that’s something he’ll never let go of. 

S - Security (How protective are they?)

Rather protective. He gives you all the info and training you need- should you not know anything already- to defend yourself, but he is very much aware that he shouldn’t be too overbearing or try to fight every battle for you. 

T - Try (How much effort do they put in?)

Considering Jesse is more often than not a very laid back man, he puts in a good amount of effort. He remembers almost every important date for the pair of you- which is a little unusual in every other aspect of his life- and often makes time specifically for you. 

U - Ugly (What are their bad habits?)

He smokes. A lot. As in a lot a lot. He’s tried once or twice to give up, but he just can’t seem to.

V - Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

McCree isn’t vain per se, but he is certainly conscious of his appearance. He keeps as well groomed as he can between missions, but he knows he doesn’t always look the most pristine of men. 

W - Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He’d feel lonely. Really lonely. The same feeling he feels on solo scouting missions. He doesn’t like being away from you for too long. 

X - Xtra (Random HC)

This man shares every poncho/scarf he owns with you. Every single one. His favourite is the red one, he loves seeing you in it, but he thinks that the royal blue one he has looks best on you. 

Y - Yuck (Things they don’t like either in general or a partner?)

McCree is a lot of things, but a fussy man is not one of them.  Except when it comes to the coffee in Deadlock Grange. He hates it. 

Z - Zzz (Sleep habits)

This man sleeps like a rock. Almost nothing wakes him. Period. You could scream at him, flash a bright light in his face, this man isn’t waking from external stimuli. The only thing that wakes him is some of the nightmares he gets. 

[ones-delight]

A letter to him for the final time.

Lots of raw emotion so I’m just typing whatever I feel lmao. 

With the Cancer full moon in effect, I’m really trying my best to release all of my bad feelings out. Going into a new year, I want to confidently release all of the spite, hate, anger, annoyance, frustrations, basically all negative feelings I have towards my ex. Our relationship was not meant to last. I need to accept that 100000% and me continuing to be invested in his life (in a toxic stalkerish way) is not the right way to move forward with my life. I need to stop being in denial (in terms of trying to move forward) and actually start making moves that will be better for me mentally and emotionally in the long run. Especially with the new year coming around, 2021 is a new year full of changes coming up that I need to give my 100%. I will not be able to give my 100% if I continue to sulk about the past, specifically my past relationship with my ex, Eduardo Javier Castillo. My first love, first real boyfriend, who was overall not good for me and God put him in my life for a reason. To learn and teach me what I actually need and value in a relationship. In addition, I keep feeling like I’m making progress, however, I’m not making enough to where I can entirely let go. I need to come to a place where I can completely let go. I continue to feel like I’m making steps forward, but then take 10 steps back. For example, last week when I was in Iowa City, I had a moment where I realized it wasn’t worth my time to be in my fake accounts trying to figure out what he was up to or how he is treating his new girl (Kylie Cameron, girl who also works at KWCH with him). I get gratification seeing what he’s up to, however, every time he “shows her off,” on social media, all I feel is anger, frustration, and quite honestly, jealousy. I continue to play this comparison game of “why did he NEVER do this with me?” or “wow okay so he does this with her but not me?” Anyways, I’m going into a huge rabbit hole because there are just a lot of feelings and thoughts I have that I need to release. 

If you’ve made it this far, sorry for my random notes. Let’s get onto the purpose to this post...A letter I want to write to him. I think in order to help me make progress, let’s let all of the feelings I have out. Although I am tempted to send it to him, I really shouldn’t. It is a much better idea that I do not send it to him. He doesn’t deserve anymore of my time or energy. He didn’t honestly since day 1. Even if I were to send it, he will not actually read it. Also, even if I did, he may read it but do nothing about it. God, as I am typing this I’m literally contemplating sending it to him. fuck me lmao. I REALLY SHOULDN’T BECAUSE I’VE WRITTEN LETTERS TO HIM BEFORE BUT HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING. Ok you know what I’ll keep thinking and I’ll just do what I keep doing, do what feels right. also, even if I do it and it’s not a good idea, FUCK IT. I do what I want. Dear Eduardo,

  You’re probably thinking “I never want to hear from her again.” or “what the fuck does this bitch want.” or even “why can’t this bitch leave me alone?” I think these are things you’d say because you’ve actually stated these words to/about me. Anyways, I reflected on 2020 and been thinking about the people who have impacted me. Going into 2021, it’s going to be a full year of changes for me and in order for me to put my 100% into my future, I need to actively work through letting go of my past. I hope you remember that I’m not a Ph.D in letting go (lmao), so this is the one of the ways that felt right for me in order to continue moving forward without looking back and finally put past experiences to rest. I hope you take the time to listen and reflect on what I’m about to share.

  Although it’s been over a year since you’ve ended our relationship, I’m still hurt. Mainly by the choices you’ve made, especially since you were my first. You know how seriously I take relationship things and I’m caught in between being grateful and hate that you were the person who had to be my first. You’ve taught me an incredible amount about myself and relationships that I will always cherish. You also hurt me in multiple ways that I never expected someone (who claims to have loved me & cared about me so deeply) to do. I think about the ways you’ve gaslighted me in numerous situations that made me question my own worth/value, cheated on me with multiple women throughout our relationship (Jennelle Brown..Victoria Farr…Ashley Walker just to name a few), hid info and lied to me multiple times instead of being honest, kept me a secret (i.e. refused to allow me to meet any of your friends, allow me to post about us/you yourself never post about me on social media where people who’d actually know you would see), and overall, were not willing to let me be a part of your life. What was worse for me was not understanding these things until after you’ve broken my heart. (Side Note: Especially the cheating….You knew what would completely destroy me due to my past, yet, you still chose to cheat on me with multiple women..We’ve had numerous conversations about how “we” could never understand why someone would cheat on their partner and you acted like you wouldn’t when you were cheating behind closed doors the whole time..) You even allowed your insecurities gaslight yourself of my intentions such as you telling me “you’re making power moves and I’m not.” I never thought of myself as ever being better than you. You were always as someone who I saw motivation, ambition, and admiration for the work you’re trying to achieve. I’ve always viewed you as someone who always standing besides me.

  You claimed we had a great relationship; no cheating involved, ended on mutual terms, when we both know that is not the truth. I can understand why you lied to me and people in your life (to protect yourself while you actively paint me as the bad person), but why are you lying to yourself? Why do you deny the actual truth of your own choices? Anyways, I was invested in you to be my life-long partner, not to be another woman’s man. I hope you will always remember that I’ve fought for us, for you, and never gave up when we were together even during times when you made it extremely hard for me. I did this because loved you with my whole heart. I always tend to look at the good in people, but I’ve finally accepted that you were never truly a good partner or person with wholesome intentions.

  I do also want to acknowledge my own wrongdoings. I was not the perfect girlfriend. I’m the most imperfect person who has an eternity membership to the hot mess express. My biggest flaw were my emotions. I have contributed to times where it was hard for you to also stand by me. I do want to put in the space that all I wanted was your time, effort, love, honesty and support. You gave me that during the first few months of us dating, however, you stopped as we continued to progress. I continued to fall for you while you were falling out of love the moment, we stepped out of the honeymoon phase. You even admitted to me that you never wanted me from the beginning because you felt “forced” to be in a relationship with me. It still hits me like a train knowing you never truly wanted me, but continued to string me along…

  I’d be surprised if you’ve made it this far. There is still so much I want to say and ask “why?”, but we’d be here for 20 centuries. As much as I’d like to continue to analyze and understand the whys, I can’t continue to put myself in a position where I cannot fully embrace the letting go process. Overall, I want to thank you (but also say in a sarcastic way that I hate you at the same time lol) for entering my life. I know we re-added each other back on social media in April, but the more I continued to see you and Lila progress in your relationship, the more it hurt me even though I simply wanted to be your friend so I had chosen to remove you a second time in June. I removed you from Facebook and unfollowed you on Instagram. I didn’t unfollow you on twitter since you don’t use twitter. I promise I didn’t remove you out of spite, I removed you for my own well-being (again, took a lot out of me). I did try to re-add you back on Facebook in November because I thought I was ready, but I really wasn’t so I removed you again (sorry but not really lmao). I’ve also noticed you’ve blocked me on all forms of social media so I hope it’s not for the same reason of being salty with me especially since I did just try to re-add you back on Facebook just for me to immediately remove you again lmao.

  Finally, if you ever needed anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out. If it’s 2 months or 50 years later, please know that you can reach out. I don’t have it in me to deny someone asking for help (even if they’ve done me extremely dirty). I don’t have the heart to do so. I don’t expect us to remain friends because you still continue to never outreach to me on your own, so I do just want to put in the space that if you do need anything, I’ll still always do my best to help. I wish you all the best as you continue to progress in your career and your future adventures in life. I hope you and your family stay safe and well.

  Sincerely, Cass.

[purplesurveys]

924

Do you have a taste in your mouth right now? What of? Just the faint taste of coffee since I have a cup at the moment but haven’t drunk from it in the last few minutes. Which is your least favourite day of the week? I’ve lost the concept of the days of the week for a few months now, man. Back when we used to do things, though, I hated Sundays as I felt loneliest on that day. It was always an automatic thing too so I had little control over it. If told to clean the house, would you be more inclined to clean one room really well or clean all of the rooms with hardly any effort? Clean all rooms with maximum effort. I’d be really bugged if I didn’t strive to be perfect with the whole place lol. Do you put glue on the object you're sticking down or on the paper? Object, so that the amount of glue I’m putting would be accurate. What was your last dream about? I don’t remember the details anymore but at the very least, I know it was very vivid since I remembered it throughout the morning. I’ve been having very detailed dreams lately – it’s the depression for sure. 

What is your favourite part of the last movie you watched? Haven’t seen a movie in a while but the last thing I watched in full was The Crown; Vanessa Kirby as Princess Margaret really shone through in the last episode I saw. Have you stuck any stickers to the computer you're using? I put all my stickers onto my laptop case but not the laptop itself. I haven’t had the case on for a while now though, since I’m always just at home now. Do you ever write or talk to yourself in your head when you're bored? Yes or when I’m feeling upset, as long as I’m alone. I’ve found that talking to myself is a healthy way to address and deal with my emotions. What interests you the most about other people? What I find interesting always varies. I have friends who I find interesting for their music tastes; some others for their knowledge of random trivia; some for their jobs, etc. It’s always different. Do you ever take random pictures out of boredom? What of? Not really. If I take photos it’s because I want to remember a moment or because I find something cute or funny. Basically anything that elicits a strong emotion out of me, I’m bound to take a picture of. Do you prefer listening to things through headphones or speakers? Headphones. How many siblings do you have? Do you get on with them? I have two siblings. I only get along with my sister; I have not talked to my brother since last year and have no desire to again. Would you rather live in a log cabin or a brick house? Mmm I’d take the brick house. Log cabin would be nice for a quick getaway, but I wouldn’t want it to be my permanent home. There’s a psychological factor in there and I just think that staying in a log cabin would make me feel suffocated eventually, haha. Do you have a calendar up for this year? I have a ‘Job Applications’ calendar that I’m currently monitoring, and it tracks the applications I’ve sent out to different companies and how long I’ve been waiting for a response from each of them. Really needing some positive vibes and energy since I actually just got my first rejection notice today. Other than that this year has been pretty fucking boring and there’s been little need to keep an active calendar. What was the very first CD you bought? The first CD I remember asking my parents to buy for me was like the High School Musical official soundtrack. I was big on Disney as a kid and wasn’t a big fan of any solo acts or bands up until I was around 10. Do you keep things like old train tickets, etc? Yessssssss. Do you like your smile? Why (not)? I like it; I find my smile friendly and warm. I just hate smiling with my teeth at the present since one of my front teeth protrudes. Can’t wait to get braces again. Would you rather be able to sing or dance? Why? Dance. Dancers are super hot, lmao. What was your favourite colour when you were a kid? Do you still like it? It was purple/violet and it was mostly influenced by my great-grandma who lovedddd the color and had it everywhere in her home. When she passed away, my love for the color slowly faded away and I don’t think too much of it now. Have you ever said 'lol' in real life? Haha yeah sometimes. I pronounce it as ‘lohl’ and never ‘el oh el’ though. Do you like your friend's parents? I like most of their parents, though I’m aware that some have abusive tendencies. Most of the parents are super nice, though. JM’s mom cooked a big lunch for us once and his dad buys like four party-sized boxes of pizza every time we come over, Angela’s parents treat me like their own kid, Gab’s mom constantly tells me she loves me...it’s in the little things. How many times have you moved? I can remember just the two times, but I know that we moved several times more when I was an infant. Have you ever refused to try a certain food? Which? Most stuff with fruits, hah. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, like when a sushi roll has mango or if I’m having banoffee pie, but I almost always refuse a meal with some kind of fruit in it. What's your favourite type of soup? Not really big on soup. I just like miso. Very occasionally I’ll have mushroom soup too. What is your favourite candle scent? I don’t buy candles nor do I know people who regularly get them, so I’m not very familiar with the different scents. Does the sight of blood make you feel ill? In real life, it would. I always have to look away whenever Gabie gets a nosebleed ha. But I have no problem watching bloody wrestling matches and I actually enjoy the bloodier ones. Super weird quirk of mine. What do you call it when you're sick anyways? (Sick, ill, not well, etc) If I’m referring to a fever I call it sick/ill/not feeling well. If I feel like throwing up I say I’m getting dizzy/need to vomit. I’ve never referred to puking as ‘getting sick,’ and it took me a very long time to realize that it was a common American saying, haha. Did you ever really believe in the tooth fairy? I did, and I felt super betrayed when I put my tooth under my pillow only to see it again the next morning. If you had to appear in a movie, which genre would you choose? Coming of age. What do you do with unwanted gifts? I keep them, since I still appreciate the effort of the gift-giver. Are there any clothes you haven't worn in ages, that you've suddenly started wearing again? HAHA yes. There will be rare instances where I get to go out and I always take the time to look stylish as all fuck, even though I’m only running an errand and wearing flashier pieces would be so unnecessary. I just miss dressing up and looking cute, man. Do any keys on your keyboard stick? Like, if they’re sticky? No. Would you rather own a laptop or a computer? Laptop. Love it when things are portable. Do you think you'll look at old photos of yourself and be embarrassed? My teenage years are definitely bad especially with regard to my fashion choices lol, but so are everyone else’s so I’m not super embarrassed. I cringe at the photos but I wouldn’t mind if my friends poked fun at them because chances are I’d join in too. What was the worst hairstyle you ever had? I always hated it whenever my mom took me to the salon to have my hair rebonded. That kind of look has never worked with my face shape and so I usually did everything for my hair to start curling up quicker and go back to its original form. Do you like t-shirts with sayings on them? Why (not)? Not really. It’s just not a personal preference. I like plain or slightly printed pieces. Do you click on the adverts at the side of the screen? No. Have you ever coughed and sneezed at the same time? I’m sure it’s happened before. Are you embarrassed to show people your ID photo? Nah. Whatever dude. Have / would you ever become a cheerleader? I haven’t, but I would have loved to. We don’t have a cheerleading club or varsity in my old school though so I was never able to hone my skills, if ever. What's the longest you've gone without eating? Maybe a little more than 24 hours. What is one of your biggest irrational fears? Commercials airing at night. I find jingles and graphic effects unsettling by a certain hour lol. What comes up when you press Ctrl + V? “I reeeeally miss seeing you and your purple things and seeing you give glares to people who deserve it. what a lodi <333” omg aw. It’s Jane’s birthday today and I copied that bit of my greeting to move it to another paragraph so that my message would flow better. Out of the bands you listen to, were most of them around before or after you were born? After. When did you last jump out of fright? I don’t remember. Are you currently waiting on something? What? For a company to take me in. Does time pass slowly or quickly when you're on the internet? Usually it’s quickly, but now that I feel more and more useless around the house, time’s been more slow and for the first time the distractions of the internet haven’t been working. What about when you're at school / work? Depended on the amount of stuff I had to do and whether I’m enthusiastic about them or not. Does the thought of being pregnant gross you out? The thought of giving birth does, but not pregnancy. What was the last thing you made with your hands? I mean I made myself a cup of coffee tonight, but the coffee mix itself was already pre-packaged. I just mixed it with hot water. Are you good at making shadow puppets? I’d say no. Are you more hungry or thirsty right now? Neither. I’ve been so anxious and depressed these days I’m actually skipping every single meal except dinner, and even then I eat very little. I don’t even do it on purpose; my anxiety has simply stopped me from feeling hungry. No idea what the weighing scale’s gonna tell me the next time I check, sigh. Someone hire me plz. God it really sucks being a fresh grad in this current state of the world. Are you prone to headaches? No. They only come out during hectic schedules and stressful weeks. Do you forget things easily? The little and everyday things, like forgetting my school ID at home or where I placed my keys. But I don’t forget things that are more bigger-picture, like birthdays or faces or memories. Do you enjoy going out to dinner? I enjoy it and I terribly miss being able to do it. Would you ever go on a cruise ship holiday? I would and I have. Lots of fun. Would do again and again. What's your favourite sea animal? Dolphins and whales. Do you get coughs or colds more? Coughs.

[isuzukuretsuki]

Alright I finished Crimson Flower and after letting my thoughts marinate for a bit, I decided to do a very long write up on my thoughts. Despite the fact that I made a beeline for black eagles the moment I got the game because I had an extreme feverish passion for El at first, my thoughts on this route are unfortunately mostly negative. This is the first and only route I played so far, and I know very little about the events that transpire in the other routes.

Five thousand disclaimers that these are just my opinions that may or may not change when I play the other routes and it’s not meant to discredit folks who like Crimson Flower. Also there will be spoilers.

For starters, I think the story does a terrible job at convincing you that Edelgard’s actions are justified or even necessary. This route felt less like fighting to change the world for the better and more like a savage conquest with every chapter being El going like “we gotta kill this guy now” and I’m like “but why” and El’s like “WE JUST GOTTA”. I guess the right way to say it is that El’s route lacked emotional impact. I could not celebrate her victories with her because my only reaction was “was that really necessary” and “buddy why”. It ultimately felt like El was simply solving problems by creating more problems.

Instead of just saying “I want to uproot a societal system from its core so I have to overthrow the Church”, the story opts for El to give incredibly vague and wishy washy reasons on why the Church Is Bad. Something something, they’re not really humans and twist history??? The story forces you to do some crazy mental gymnastics to try and see El’s side of the story when everything just boils down to “Crests are Bad = Church is Bad”.

In Part 1, there was a lot of build up of the church’s obvious corruption and how they’re not to be trusted, but the build up falls flat because the story tries to make the reveal of Rhea’s beast form be the damning thing to convince the player that the church is so terrible that they have to be stopped even at the cost of thousands of lives... and well... in a franchise where almost everyone is secretly a dragon, that just did not sell me. 

We’ve been knew that Crests Are Bad but does that justify sacrificing thousands of lives to upheave the church? I dunno man..................................... the story doesn’t really put much effort to convince you that this is the Only Way and it doesn’t feel like El has put much thought into trying alternative solutions before jumping straight to murder because it was the easiest solution. Which sucks because I think exploring El’s methods and mindset would definitely make for an interesting conflict. The whole idea of if war is never justifiable, is it better to let everyone remain suffering under the status quo forever? El’s belief that nothing will change unless she takes direct action has validity to it, but the game just expects you to agree with her from the get go so El never truly has to stand firm and defend her values.

Edelgard’s decision to unify Fodlan is something I really, really side eye. She’s straight up invading sovereign lands and putting them under her own rule of her own volition. While yes, Church Is Bad, barging into someone else’s land uninvited to dictate how they rule their government and “fix their society” is ultimately something I find incredibly self righteous and arrogant. This idea of “fighting for peace” through not just instigating a war, but going on a violent conquest just seems... disingenuous to me? How does she plan on dealing with the lingering resentment from the folks whose land were conquered? She’s just replacing the crest system with an Empire who will murder anyone who stands against them which... makes her literally no different from what Rhea was.

The above point is mainly due to her whole tirade into the alliance which just felt extremely unnecessary, especially when Claude was trying to keep the alliance in a neutral stance. El’s reasoning for conquering the alliance because “some of the nobles oppose me” was really flimsy like... maybe they wouldn’t oppose you if you just left them alone instead of making them choose between handing over their independence or having their land burnt to the ground. 

Her dialogue with and about Dimitri is ridiculous because she criticizes him for being consumed by hatred and obsession and “losing his path as a king” but...... bruh, you’re STILL invading his country, so even if Dimitri wasn’t a raging murder man, he’d still oppose you because did you just expect a king to simply Hand Over His Land and not defend himself????? 

The absolute worst, worst part of CF isn’t even Edelgard herself but how the other students react to her. It feels like none of the beagles and especially the other house characters except Lysithea have any real reason to side with her, and even if they did (which wouldn’t be surprising because we see how the crests ruined so many lives), these valid reasons are never brought up and it’s overshadowed by almost everyone lamenting “is this bloodshed even necessary?” (news flash: probably not). But why the FUCK are you guys even siding with her in the first place if you're gonna regret it afterwards or don’t actually agree with her? You don’t just side with an instigator of war with half baked resolves, and the convictions of these characters aren’t even quarter baked. 

This wouldn’t be too bad if not for the fact that the beagle kids themselves also seem to have more reasons to turn on El than to fight for her. Especially when Edelgard has done nothing to ever prove herself trust worthy. Hell, CF is kicked off with Edelgard betraying everyone and revealing herself to be the Flame Emperor, which is literal admittance to her association with the slithers. Yet no one seems to put two and two together and just decides to blindly trust and follow her without second thought because... why? Who knows!!! As Sothis so eloquently puts it, they’re all boulders just rolling down whatever hill they’re on, and I could not stand how little agency and independent thought that the other characters showed. It felt like El was the driver while everyone else was just strapped into the passenger seat, mindlessly going along with the ride. No questions, no thoughts, no challenges, and to top it off, it doesn’t even feel like any of them truly believe in what they’re fighting for because they never bring up the validity of El’s ideals or the consequences of her actions. 

The beagles had the group dynamic of a wet paper bag. Lysithea is the one of the only characters who actively shows any real agency for fighting for Edelgard and firmly voices how El’s goals compare to her personal values, which is a stark difference to everyone else who has a "¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I guess this is my life now” type attitude to an infuriating degree. 

Byleth siding with El also has me doing extreme shifty eyes. I can get behind them making an emotionally charged decision to defend her from Rhea but holy crap I saved you from Rhea because I didn’t want you to die, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving you the okay to murder all your classmates!! The game expects the player to take a huge leap of faith when siding with Edelgard, thinking “she has to have a proper explanation for this” and cue.... no explanation ever, until like... five years later. El’s relationship with the beagles felt disingenuous because she actively breaches the trust of others, lies to others, hides crucial information from others (slithers, anyone?), and nobody cares. She straight up lies about the church nuking Arianrhod and it’s never addressed.

The issue with the slithers and Byleth’s dad is even worse because it is never addressed until well into the route, and it’s brought up by not El, but fucking Hubert. Not to mention El is giant jackass to Byleth after their dad died even though he died because of her damn accomplices. We’re supposed to just lie down and accept the slithers’ presence because “well they’re necessary for our plans” even though we curb stomped the entire continent by ourselves, so I dunno why we can’t just shank them now. The slithers literally did nothing aside from chill around, maybe blow up a city or two to spite El. It’s ridiculous how the organization who is directly responsible for El’s abuse and trauma has no on screen resolution when frankly, I think the slithers deserve El’s animosity far more than the church. 

Despite my extreme criticism towards El, I want to stress that I don’t hate El. In fact, I love her character a lot and I think she’s really fascinating. However, I think CF really shot her characterization in the foot because it doesn’t feel like El really grew or developed or changed. She stubbornly believed that her actions were right at the beginning and by the end of the game, she still believes her actions were right because the story doesn’t really bother to try and prove her otherwise. I just think she’s much more suited as an antagonist, and I’m excited to see her portrayal in the other routes. Sorry El, I love you, but I would never in a million years side with you.

To end this salt fest on a positive note, I will say the route had three things I enjoyed: the ending, Mercedes and Jeritza’s support, and Edelgard and Lysithea’s support. Seriously, I would not have so many complaints if the rest of the route had the same amount of emotional tension and feeling as El and Lysithea’s support. I enjoyed the ending fairly much; the final battle in the burning city was epic as hell and so was the final cutscene. The scene where El sobs in Byleth’s chest after Byleth’s heart beat returns was extremely touching to me. So because I liked the ending enough, at the very least I was able to finish the play through on a somewhat content note. Also random side note but Edelgard’s seiyuu is amazing.

Anyway my order from favourite to least favourite beagle kids are Dorothea > Edelgard > Ferdie > Bernie > Linhardt > Petra > Hubert > Caspar.

tldr: my experience with crimson flower