#and everyone else in our family has to be twice as stubborn so she actually eats her dog food

[jasper-pagan-witch]

hellohello Mx. Jasper! I was reading through the forgotten realms wiki, specifically the page(s) on Magic and how it manifests in the world of D&D and the different types. I know you're a pop culture wizard and pagan, and thought to ask you this;

Is the way you think about magic (or religion/spirituality) influenced by the pop culture sources you work with, or vice-versa? (or none at all?)

I thought it was an interesting discussion prompt! Hope all is well (I know it's late as I'm sending this, so I hope you rest well!)

~ Pythios (they/them)

Good morning Mx. Pythios! Thank you for today's dose of enby gender euphoria, and I love your name. I slept terribly, but that's about normal for me, especially because I hiked my entire 80-acre farm twice yesterday in a desperate, divine-inspired bid to touch grass. (Gee thanks, Deer Dad.)

So let's address your question here. I'm going to break it down into two categories: magic versus religion. Let's start with magic.

Does magic change the way I interact with pop culture sources? Yes. I'm constantly on the lookout for new spell inspiration when I'm flipping through Magic The Gathering cards, looking at Dungeons and Dragons sourcebooks and homebrew, playing Skyrim (even though I enjoy Oblivion more), or learning about the newest Pokemon generation because I do not own a Nintendo Switch and at this point I'm refusing to move on because I'm stubborn.

Does the definition of magic in those pop culture sources impact my craft? Not particularly - the closest thing to that is that D&D impacted my decision to call myself a wizard instead of a witch.

Does it make me think about magic in ways I wouldn't otherwise? Yes, absolutely! Where else would you get card-based magic than MTG? (Perhaps in tarot-based spells or spell oracle decks.) Where else would you get as fascinating entities as the atronachs of The Elder Scrolls? Where else would you get a tiny Shiny Charmander as a familiar spirit?

It also leads to fun quotes such as "the Flumph made my spell do a fucky-wucky" in group chats with my pals Fool Chicken of @windvexer and Runa of @serpentandthreads.

Am I impacted by pop culture in the way I think of religion? A little bit, actually! In D&D, there's a Faiths and Pantheons web enhancement called Deity Do's and Don'ts that you can find a PDF of almost anywhere. The breaking down of signs from deities into the various categories (animals/plants, monsters, gems/precious metals, colors, and miscellaneous) inspired me to do something a little similar when I make reference documents of the deities I honor, worship, or work with.

It also impacts how I think of deities. The D&D divine power scale (quasi-, lesser, intermediate, greater, over-) doesn't translate to our world's pantheons, but I can use those terms to describe the current influence a particular deity has in my life. For instance, currently Cernunnos is sitting pretty at Greater Influence because I'm currently working with him, while Loki and their family (who I honor) are at Quasi-Influence.

There's also the whole "anyone can become a god" in D&D which affects my own deity classification thing. I draw a line between hero worship and deity worship, but where does that leave figures like Angrboda (a giantess) or Jormungandr (a huge snake)? Since I honor them both like deities, I call them deities, even though they don't have "portfolios" or "domains" in the traditional sense - just what we can scrounge up and apply to them.

Also, like...I'm a pop culture pagan. I worship Azura alongside everyone else. She's literally right there.

Does my view of my religion impact my experiences with pop culture? Yes. Fanfiction has gotten so freaking weird to write or read when it comes to Azura or even just...broad myth-based stories. I keep getting hit with the overwhelming sense of "wow, these writers could not have gotten Athena and Aphrodite more wrong" and it makes mythology-based media really weird for me.

Like...mythological figures aren't just Myth Blorbos, they are actual entities that people STILL, to this day, worship or work with - even the heroes like Odysseus, Orpheus, or Theseus.

Anyway, that's my two cents here, Pythios. I hope this was interesting for you (and everyone else!) to read and I hope I was able to clearly shed some light on my own practices and how pop culture stuff plays into them.

By the way, the dragon dividers in this post? You can find them here. They were made by @firefly-graphics who does incredible work. I recommend their dividers and their other graphics!

~Jasper

[mars-ipan]

it’s so weird to me when people make fun of rat bc like... yeah little dogs are just Like That. they’re perfectly happy though. it looks like there is not a single thought behind their eyes yet they are crafting a plan to manipulate you into treating them like royalty. they lull you into a false sense of security with their goofy idiocy but in reality? they fluently understand english. they will break you. you will spoil them

[robininthelabyrinth]

Spilled Pearls

- Chapter 27 - ao3 -

Matters settled, eventually, and just as eventually, it started getting better.

At first, Lan Qiren wasn’t sure if matters were actually better, or if he’d just grown numb and accustomed, but after the past year and more he thought that there was a serious possibility of it being the former rather than the latter.

Probably the biggest difference was the birth of little Lan Huan, who’d joined the world as a fat and squalling infant that Lan Qiren had loved at first sight and sleepless night – he was still too young to be separated from his mother, or at minimum his wetnurse, but Lan Qiren made a practice of visiting every few days to try to prepare himself for caring for him. The women were generally happy to shove the baby into his arms and let him play guqin or xiao for him until he fell asleep. Apparently Lan Huan was actually a very peaceable baby, an assertion which Lan Qiren had initially doubted on account of the circles under everyone’s eyes, but when he’d said so, the wetnurse had glared at him and pronounced that saying such things meant that the next child would be a true wild terror, and probably a biter to boot.

The frequency of Lan Qiren’s visits was actually less about Lan Huan, although he liked his nephew very much, and more about trying to establish a precedent for visitation. He hoped, eventually, to be able to bring Lan Huan to see his mother on such a frequent basis, once or even twice a week, knowing as he did that He Kexin lacked the temperament for seclusion. To his regret, she’d ended up spoiling that plan not long after she’d recovered from her pregnancy, misinterpreting his frequent visits as an interest in her, and he’d been forced to cut back for a while out of sheer disgust at the mere concept. He bitterly scolded her in his mind for being seemingly incapable of seeing any other reason that he would visit so often, especially during the times that Lan Huan was already asleep, although he suspected in his heart that the real reason was simply likely a longing for a connection with the only other person she regularly saw. 

He still had hope of negotiating regular visits with his sect elders, eventually, but now he knew he’d probably be lucky if he managed to make it once every fortnight, when originally he’d hoped for twice a week.

Disturbing female disciples is prohibited, after all. Lan Qiren had a very good reputation, being widely known to be frigid as a stick of ice, using his brother’s terms, but there was only so much he could do when there was known to be an expressed interest on the other side, especially an interest of adulterous nature. And couple that with what had happened between them before…

At least she’d restrained herself to only making a verbal offer, this time.

Lan Qiren did not know how to explain to He Kexin in a way that she would understand that although he visited her regularly as a matter of duty, and although he was the only person other than his brother with whom she regularly conversed, he did not enjoy his time with her – that he blamed her in part for the destruction of his dreams, the shattering of his heart in a way that would likely never heal, even though he did not blame her for his brother’s obsession with her. It was not her fault that his brother had fallen in love with her, or that he had taken such extreme measures for her, and yet…

“She’s still a bitch,” Cangse Sanren announced, and her new husband smothered a snicker in his sleeve. “What? She is.”

Lan Qiren sighed, and Wei Changze, smiling, made an excuse to depart and let them talk between themselves. He was a good man, with an irrepressible sense of humor that regularly made Cangse Sanren laugh without any shame at all, howling and hooting like a monkey. He had courted her assiduously even after she’d departed the Lotus Pier, headed off to complete her education regarding the mortal world in the various Great Sects, and yet had been oblivious to the fact that she treated their liaison as a serious one – perhaps he had only truly believed that she would give herself to him when they actually married, their interminably long courtship finally ending the way any blind man would have guessed it would from the very beginning.

“I asked you to come here so that you could meet A-Huan,” Lan Qiren said. “Not to relitigate the matter of He Kexin, who at any rate is already suffering the punishment for her unwise actions.”

“Unwise is an understatement. She killed a man! On no basis, and without even a formal challenge! If she’d just kept her sword in her sheath and not jumped ahead three steps –”

“I’m aware.”

Cangse Sanren made a rude noise, but settled back, grumbling. “The baby’s cute, though,” she added begrudgingly. “Looks like you.”

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes. “Yes, thank you, he is my nephew. To the extent you can identify any traits whatsoever in a roly-poly puppy like A-Huan, they’re family features.”

“Of which you’re the finest representative!”

Lan Qiren gave her a look, and she grinned unrepentantly at him. “Heartbreaker,” she teased, but a moment later her smile faded. “Have you spoken with your brother?”

Lan Qiren’s gaze dropped to the table. “There’s no need,” he said. “He has always been torn between pride in his capability and the admiration of others on one hand, and a yearning to retreat from the world and its annoyances in order to focus fully on his cultivation on the other. Other than occasionally meeting with his wife, he is now able to wholly focus on the latter, and unlike He Kexin, his temperament is suited to the strictness of our seclusion practices.”

“There might not be a need,” Cangse Sanren agreed. “Did you speak with him anyway?”

“Once,” Lan Qiren said, voice short. After a few long moments, he added, a little painfully: “He said that our father had always seen seclusion as a means to reunite with his wife.”

Cangse Sanren hissed in a manner not unlike a very angry cat, or possibly an agitated snake, her eyes very nearly turning red from rage: naturally she knew about the whole awful background, the many years of age between Lan Qiren and his brother and the way his brother had always blamed Lan Qiren’s belated birth for the death of their mother, and by extension the shattering of their father’s heart when she left him behind, gone too early.

Lan Qiren’s brother had also said other things, mad things, things that Lan Qiren sought to forget as soon as he’d heard them but which he knew would likely haunt him in the dark of sleepless nights for the rest of his life. The worst of it was that Lan Qiren still loved his brother, who he’d idolized for so long: his brother who was the perfect gentleman when he wanted to be, capable of being kind and charming and generous, of excellent cultivation and who excelled in each talent, who was thoughtful and reserved and in his own way a very good sect leader – the Qingheng-jun that the rest of the world had seen, the one that Lao Nie had befriended, the one so much of his sect had pinned their hopes on.

Lan Qiren felt, as always, like an inferior substitute.

No one had made his brother fall in love, nor to take such terrible actions to protect his love from her own foolishness, and yet, if Lan Qiren could have found another way out that the sect would have accepted, he would have. It would have been better, in his view, to lash them both with the discipline whip until they lacked flesh if it meant that they would stay free. A human could live with pain, but he wasn’t so sure they could do without freedom or hope…

Aren’t you just the same as me, his brother had sneered at him through the door that would part them for the rest of their lives, lashing out like a rabid dog that sought to hurt others in order to ease its own hurt, or else would you snap yourself into a thousand pieces begging for a scrap of my approval, which you will never receive, or whoring your vaunted righteousness out for a smile from your ‘sworn brother’?

Lan Qiren hadn’t done that, and wouldn’t. Unbelievable as it seemed, his stubbornness had stood up against Wen Ruohan’s and won; it had been Wen Ruohan who had changed to match him, rather than the other way around. He had vowed that the Fire Palace remained useless, and Lan Qiren believed him, especially when even Lao Nie confirmed it to be true. They had taken to exchanging letters this past year, since Lan Qiren could not visit the Nightless City until he had stabilized the Cloud Recesses and – sworn brotherhood or no – a visit by Wen Ruohan to the Cloud Recesses would be taken as a formal exchange, sect leader visiting sect leader.

Perhaps now, after a year, when he had more fully settled into his role…

“Did the trash say anything else?”

For a moment Lan Qiren was unsure whether Cangse Sanren had somehow managed to follow his thoughts and was now referring to Wen Ruohan, against whom she still bore something of a grudge, but then he realized that she meant his brother.

“Anything of value, anyway,” she huffed, tossing her hair and baring her teeth in the way she used to do before she realized that human beings didn’t use threat displays in that manner.

“He picked a courtesy name for A-Huan,” Lan Qiren said. “As is his right, of course.”

That had been Lan Qiren’s true motive in going to see his brother, in fact. He had refused to go see his brother for months, even if etiquette suggested he should go to pay his respects; it was only after A-Huan was born that he had finally yielded. It was only upon seeing the round and innocent face of little A-Huan starting to smile that he felt compelled to bend his stubborn back and compromise himself to reach out – there was very little, he found, that he wouldn’t do for his little nephew, who had no one else in the world.

His brother had been largely disinterested, though, even when Lan Qiren had inappropriately brought the child over for him to see – it had been too early for propriety, before the first month ceremony which marked the moment when the child could be exhibited more broadly, but Lan Qiren’s heart had hurt at the idea of his brother not seeing his son before the rest of the world had had a chance. It was not a large distance between the seclusion house his brother had chosen for himself, the same one that their father had planned to use before his suicide, and the house set aside for He Kexin, which Lan Qiren had taken to privately calling the Gentian House on account of the flowers that crowded around it. 

Everyone had turned a blind eye to Lan Qiren’s little excursion – but his brother hadn’t cared.

It was He Kexin that he loved, that he was mad for, and in his selfishness he could not see extending that love to anyone beyond her. Lan Qiren was resolved to teach A-Huan to do better, to think of others first, to care for other people and think not only of them but of the people beyond them, just as he looked at He Kexin and thought to teach him to make his own judgments of people, to listen to their side of the story and analyze it carefully based on what he knew.

He could only hope that it would help.

When his brother had told him to leave, that he didn’t care to see the child, Lan Qiren had left, returning Lan Huan to his mother’s care, and returned himself to his brother’s door, boiling over with rage, to give him a piece of his mind. 

It had backfired on him, of course. He would have been better off not going back at all – the rules said Do not succumb to rage, and they were right. All he had managed to obtain was a sore throat from all the yelling and a fresh set of nightmares.

And a name.

At least he had gotten Lan Huan a name bestowed upon him by his father, as he deserved.

“He selected ‘Xichen’,” Lan Qiren said, drawing out the characters and passing it over for Cangse Sanren to see. “It’s a good name.”

“Lan Xichen,” Cangse Sanren said, sounding it out and thinking over the meaning of the characters. “Yes, that’s a good name. Full of ambition and well-wishes…I bet the rotten trash-heap sees A-Huan as another incarnation of himself.”

Lan Qiren didn’t exactly disagree. Still, it would be rude to say so; he coughed and shook his head. “What about you?” he asked instead. “Are you and Wei Changze planning on giving A-Huan a playmate?”

And himself a student, in a dozen years or so. He’d started accepting students from rogue cultivators and other sects, just the way he’d planned; it was still in the early stages. He was still writing to small sects with fewer resources and offering to take their problem children because he knew that that was all they’d be willing to send to him, an outsider – there had always been lectures offered by the Great Sects, but they were one-off things, often accompaniments to discussion conferences or else excuses for the sects’ adults to gather and socialize while the children learned a few days’ worth of material. Taking another sect’s child for a full season, the way he planned to, was a much bigger ask. Much less to teach them his Lan sect rules, which weren’t even seen as applicable by the rest of the world…

Still, Lan Qiren had hope that eventually he would be able to demonstrate his merit; if his teaching worked with this first set of children, he hoped that it would work in the future for more of them. He hoped he’d be able to help them learn something, but even if he didn’t, they would at least have the experience of traveling – of visiting another place all on their own – so that if something happened in their lives to rob them of their freedom, they would at least have that much to remember. And in return, he would have them, his students, the feathers to brighten and color his dull nest and let him experience a little of what the world was still available to him.

Cangse Sanren laughed. “Not for a few years yet,” she said, eyes dancing. “You’re still safe! We want to have some time for ourselves, first – we’re going to travel around as rogue cultivators. I’ll write to you from every city, and send you things!”

Lan Qiren smiled.

“But only,” she said primly, “only if you promise me you’re not actually going to go through with growing that awful beard of yours again –”

“I’m a teacher now. I’m entitled!”

“You’re too young! You have to wait until you’re at least thirty for a beard.”

“By what rule?”

“My rule! Also my aesthetics; you’re so pretty –”

“I explained to you my reasoning already,” Lan Qiren complained. “What do you have against it, other than an aesthetic preference which is completely irrelevant to me?”

“I’m a rogue cultivator from Baoshan Sanren’s immortal mountain,” she proclaimed. “I seek to improve the world wherever it may be, fight evil and promote good, and keeping you clean-shaven is such a clear and vast improvement to the beauty of the world that it must be fiercely fought for –”

“Cangse Sanren!”

She burst out laughing. “How about this?” she giggled. “You can grow it after you’re thirty, or else whenever I’m not here, so that you can have it when you’re teaching your classes.”

“Thank you for your generous permission,” he drawled.

“No, no, it’ll be good!” she beamed at him. “That means that when I’m gone for good, you’ll have something to remember me by.”

Lan Qiren’s smile disappeared. “Cangse Sanren –”

“I told you long ago that I was doomed,” she reminded him. “Anyway, I’ve kept a low profile, haven’t I? I’m not dead yet, and you never know what might happen. And anyway, like I always said, a short life in exchange for a good life is a bargain I’m willing to strike…anyway, enough about me. Tell me about your children! The students, I mean; are they really all terrible bear children, without a single good trait between them?”

“They’re fine,” Lan Qiren said, distracted by what was quickly proving to be a new favorite subject. “I don’t know what everyone complains about with them. So what if they’re mischievous at first? In the end they all learn, you just have to give them attention and figure out what it is that they like, what will work to give them a basis to use in the future…”

“Surely some of them have to be disasters.”

“Don’t worry, I’m certain that your future child will be a fiend in human flesh born for the sole purpose of wreaking havoc on the serenity of my classroom,” Lan Qiren said dryly. “To be matched only by the inevitable offspring of Lan Yueheng and Zhang Xin, should they ever choose to put aside their furnaces and chemicals long enough to have them.”

Cangse Sanren giggled. “Just you wait,” she warned. “They’ll have a whole host of children, just like the common folk do; none of this two-and-done that you noble scions of the Lan sect prefer. They’ll have an entire horde for the next generation, and just when you think that you’re finally done with them, they’ll have an ‘accident’ twenty years too late, a child of their old age, and you’ll have to teach them alongside children young enough to be A-Huan’s heirs…”

“Why must you curse me?” Lan Qiren complained. “What have I ever done to you?”

It had been a good visit.

Yes, Lan Qiren thought, he was starting to adjust, little by little. The life he had now was not what he wanted, not what he’d dreamed of, but he could live with it – he had to, of course, but he thought that he also could. He would play for his nephew instead of a nameless crowd in a distant city, he would teach students a generation too early, he would only leave the Cloud Recesses on short excursions – night-hunting, or discussion conferences, or visits to his friends, to play with little A-Jue over in the Unclean Realm or the slightly older A-Xu in the Nightless City, whose would-be sibling had not made it despite Wen Ruohan’s concubine’s best effort. Wen Ruohan had written in his letter that he had promised her another as compensation, but only in a few years, once her body had fully recovered and A-Xu was old enough that another child wouldn’t be seen as a threat, which seemed fair to Lan Qiren.

He would live.

He might even enjoy it.

He only wondered a little, about Wen Ruohan – his sworn brother had, he thought, expressed some mangled version of feelings towards him, feelings that well exceeded the ordinary course for sworn brothers and which he thought he had made clear were not unwelcome, but amidst the hubbub that had later ensued Wen Ruohan had not spoken of it again. Lan Qiren could understand that he had been distracted, first by Lao Nie’s marriage – now ended, according to Lao Nie, who seemed as unperturbed by his announcement that his wife had disappeared permanently and would likely never be returning as he had by anything else about this mysterious woman that Lan Qiren had never had the chance to meet and now never would – and then by Lan Qiren’s brother’s situation. 

And yet, he would have thought that there would be something…

Wen Ruohan has lived for generations, he reminded himself. He is an ancient monster of the old sort, unmatched by any other living being, excepting only perhaps those that long ago retreated into seclusion or the mountains. Waiting a year or even a few is for him little more than a brief pause. He may yet reach out again – and, of course, you could do the reaching out yourself, if you weren’t such a coward.

It wasn’t cowardice that stopped him, of course, no matter what names he called himself. It was uncertainty, and also, in his own way, a form of care – it was the Lan sect’s curse to love too strongly, to prioritize their hearts above all common sense. Lan Qiren did not want to burden Wen Ruohan with an offer that would not satisfy him, to hang around his neck an obligation of unwanted feelings the way his brother had done to He Kexin.

Lan Qiren could not see a way in which he could offer Wen Ruohan his heart and not his body, yet he knew himself well enough to know that he would be unhappy if he tried to offer both. He could exert himself if he really had to, force himself to go through the motions that seemed so dull and unpleasant, all squelching amidst bodily fluids and inelegant grunting and none of the attraction that other people had to compensate for it. But he couldn’t do so sincerely, and he wouldn’t be able to do it for very long without developing resentment at being forced to endure such a task routinely – and it did seem that regular people wanted it all the time.

Such a feeling, if ignored, would breed disorder between them, poisoning their hearts…no, Lan Qiren could not make the first move, to take the step that would breach the paper between them, change them from their current status as brothers and nothing more. 

He had made his position clear.

The only question was – what would Wen Ruohan do about it?

[calypsoff2]

Eleven. Part 2

I keep looking at Captain and then looking at Chris, like he is reading him down “you want anything else? I mean I don’t know what you like, and I am here ordering for you” Captain laughed “your choice, I trust you son. So Robyn; how are you?” He broke my train of thoughts; it’s got me feeling a type of way that he’s doing that to Chris, has he cheated “stop overthinking, speak to me” oh he caught me there “I can’t help it” I breathed out “stressful Captain, I just do what I can. I feel like I am always pleasing others, I have to please everyone that is, it’s a constant battle with my team. Having to make them happy and then make my family happy, I know Chris wants me home. I get his feelings towards it and I did propose we have the kids home schooled but Chris said no, he wanted a base for them and I get it but when I am working he thinks I am having fun, yes there is pictures of me having a good time because I have too, but other than that I love my life” Captain smiled nodding his head “are you unhappy Chris, your wife is sat there. Speak to her son, no matter how much it may upset her you need to tell her, you feel like you’re not a man, let’s be real. You feel that Robyn holds power and that you feel when she hits Billionaire you will feel it even more” Chris swallowed hard, oh he hit a nerve “this is why I didn’t want to come, I need the bathroom” Chris got up “I am sorry son” Captain apologised but Chris was gone “communication and I know you have heard it before” watching Chris walk off in sadness “did you see he cheated? Has he?” I asked “your husband is there Robyn; you make that judgement” furrowing my eyebrows “but then why were you staring at him? Did he do something? Chris makes terrible decisions in life and doesn’t think” Captain laughed “he does indeed but looking at his heart and soul is pure; he is very loyal to you. But his dumb decisions are because he’s a good person, he has a lot of fight in him and with so many struggles he’s had, our god above has bought him back for you every time” I felt my heart squeeze “he is a fighter, and he’s very much in love with you. If you ask him if he’s cheating like you want in your mind that will annoy him, he gets easily annoyed and you can see but he needs to speak. Allow him too” I swallowed hard, my heart.

Chris’ moody self came back, I mean of course he came but he’s not happy at all “why are you annoyed?” I asked him, placing my arm lazily over his back “because I can be” he did this at therapy, he didn’t want to talk about it at all until he backed down “do it for me? I want to know Chris; you can’t just keep it in when I am trying to hear you out. It’s ok to talk and you know that” he doesn’t want to talk about it, I know him so well “it’s ok to speak Chris” Captain said, he’s really closed off so he doesn’t want to speak about it “when you’re ready” I mean what else can I say to him “stubborn man aren’t you” Chris laughed rubbing the side of his face “sometimes, I blame Robyn. I got to be strict on her” Chris looked over at me “you try, food is here” that was quick, Chris pulled a face at me “don’t bother” I know he got some shit he wants to say to me but he’s here, and now I know that shit is true. I want to hear him out, am I that bad that he won’t speak to me. I adore him so much, money doesn’t change me and never has “once we ate, we can go somewhere nice. What you think? To sit down and talk more” I’m sure Chris is delighted but I am, I feel Captain has a lot of shit to say, I need answers too “I don’t want you to think I’m being rude but just, sometimes I don’t believe things and then you say that. Threw me off” Chris assumes he offended Captain, but he didn’t, he tried my husband “I may offend you again, don’t apologise” Chris better be ready for the next question to come out of his mouth.

Captain bought us to a gallery and garden, it looks so beautiful, I am shook actually such pretty flowers and stuff but it’s peaceful and that’s the point and I think Captain wanted that for us so he can speak to us, I am nervous to hear what is next to come from him “I think like I needed to bring you both here, just some peace because I feel like you both need to talk, like I mean talk not what is above but what is underneath and it’s hard to talk about these things, I sense there is a lot of unspoken words, in Chris’ case there is” I felt Chris get very uptight “it’s not my place to tell things but to guide and I think with you both you match, you are twin flames, you have got your soul mate. But I see trauma for you Chris, more to come” my face dropped “what?” Chris said “it’s a shock, I’m sorry. You have a lot of hate from your family, lots of wishing for your downfall. I feel like the good you did was unnoticed, they aren’t sorry. You need to stop being so free, you aren’t liked Chris. Reason being is because you have gained what a lot of people want. I just want you to be careful, I want to discuss things with your wife, your wife is your good omen Chris” staring at the side of Chris’ face, he is so entranced with what he is saying “you hold back, you are happy but at the same time you’re not. Robyn could give you a million dollars, but you won’t be happy, that’s because you want to be the bread winner. You need to speak to your wife Chris, also. Secrets, it will come out. If you don’t say it now it will come out, don’t hold onto it and stop trusting others. The friend you have gained recently, he is here for the long run” Chris clenched his jaw, now I am fucking nervous.

This is why I didn’t want to see this nigga, now we are here and he’s saying the truth but it’s hurting because I don’t want to speak on this shit. I feel with therapy, and I can play it off “can I speak to you” I pointed at Captain “alone” looking at Robyn “her face dropped” she didn’t like it but I can’t just say what I want to say without thinking of the consequences “what have you done Chris?” Robyn said, I hate this shit “come, let’s walk” Captain got up from the seat, he was already off “just wait here” I said jogging off, he is a fast old man, I give him that anyways “she is panicking” reaching him finally “I know but you are picking on things, I don’t want her to know what I did” we abruptly stopped, he turned to me “you don’t say it, someone will. The path her friend has taken is going to affect you both, what did you do? I don’t know, I sense things, but I can’t know what you did but I know it wasn’t cheating because you don’t have another female aura on you” he said “I gave my ex money, that is the worst one. She begged me, at the time we were having a party for Camron, it was his birthday. But she didn’t get him shit, I gave her a stack” Captain smiled “again, being the good man you are. I can’t fault you, but I can fault you in not letting your wife be involved, I get you want to keep things to yourself so you have something for yourself but you need to do it, you may even do it again but if she finds out from someone else then it no good; you have a lot of negative energy from people and they want your downfall” Robyn is going to be so fucking angry at me, I didn’t do it to be hurtful “but why? All I want is a peaceful life, I just want to be happy but I feel I can’t be” shaking my head “because of this negative energy Chris, what you need to do for yourself is be truthful to Robyn, she may not be happy but you have to accept her feelings towards that situation, secrets are nasty and I think it’s your time to tell everything, we are here in a place were you can be safe, use it. God guided me, to you both and I want to help you” Robyn is right, this man is so wise, but I am scared of Robyn, not even lowkey.

The worry on Robyn’ face, she is scared on what is going to be said “face each other, turn the chairs and face each other. Turn your chair before you sit Chris” Captain said, this is so hard. I am in a setting where I am having to face what I sometimes just run, it’s scary to feel this way. Turning the chair to face Robyn, sitting down. Robyn shivered, she is scared, and I feel bad “I am just here but you both need to do this, not me. Robyn I want you to listen to Chris, let him speak and remember his heart” I swallowed hard, this is fucking crazy that I am doing this “I just want you to know that I am sorry because I know you will feel hurtful towards this” clearing my throat “you found the CC account and I said it was for Camron, well I got a letter from Rob and he apologised to me. He said he is making a change and that what he did to me was wrong, I saw him as a elder brother that needed money and he used me, he admitted to it and it’s something I always wanted to hear. He has turned Muslim, and he is looking to be a better man, I called him and we spoke and I said I accepted what he said to me and that he is sorry. Then he told me that his family is being thrown out and they don’t have money to keep up, he said if I can help. Who am I to stay no when I have that money, I never saved anything. The money went to TJ because he gave the money to my auntie and I have been doing it for a few months, I didn’t tell you because you react without letting me explain, I think you would have talked me out of it” Robyn shook her head “what is it you don’t get, that is my money too. We both have money, and these people were not nice to you Chris, you got beat up twice because of him. He aired you out Chris, he was threatening you and he comes to you for money, I get it’s something you wanted to hear but he didn’t fucking deserve it Chris, they don’t deserve it!” she spat “fuck” she waved me off “don’t do that shit behind my back! Because then it becomes Rihanna is helping them people that have been threatening my husband, they hate you Chris. Come on” putting my head down “Robyn is protective of you Chris, she just wants your best interest” this is wack, she is reacting this way now.

Captain nodded his head he wants me to say it at a already angry Robyn “there is something else” I mumbled “I asked you if there was anything else and you didn’t say anything, why keep shit away from me Chris. Now you know why I came here” she snapped “it’s the way you react Robyn, you jump without seeing the bigger picture, so Camron birthday I went VA which you knew, I told you I went to his party” Robyn rolled her eyes “yeah and the picture came out, that was a great time” licking my lips “well I was stood with Camron, it was his day but prior then Seiko got in contact with me and asked me for money to get Camron a gift, she has no money and begged me so I gave her a stack to help pay for his gift and party, but she didn’t even get him a gift, the party was paid for by TJ and she just pocketed the money for drugs, or whatever” chewing on my bottom lip, Robyn is staring at me in disbelief “you’re kidding, you gave money to your ex!? So wait, on top of you giving money to someone that hates you, you give it your ex and you didn’t consult!” she shouted, I mean I got to take it “and me, I fucking consult you even when I buy a fucking meal when I am away, you idiot. I need to just breathe” she got up from the chair, looking at Captain “if she heard it from someone else, they reaction would be worse son. Just take it” this is some shit.

Robyn is pissed with me, and I do not blame her but still, I didn’t even want to tell her this in the first place but here I am, licking my top lip seeing that Robyn is back, I mean I heard her before I saw her. She is stomping, she is mad “you are actually stupid, like first of all I wouldn’t let you pay for some bastard that was ok to take you away from what you could have been and nearly had you killed twice, family members that hate you. I would have said no to save your sanity, they don’t love you. Oh my god, and Seko!? You know what I am glad you gave her money to have more drugs” Robyn took in a deep breath “you don’t fucking consult me, we are married! We are fucking married, what don’t you get!? I rather you tell me you bought another fucking Lamborghini that is the same colour, you just don’t even speak to me about those things. Ok I didn’t tell you about TJ, because I was trying to save you not knowing this bastard knew this, and oh my god I bet Seiko was laughing” I can’t do or say anything but just let Robyn rant “I am done, Captain say something to side track before I continue to rant” Robyn said, I am in deep shit “words that need to be spoken, he is his own person. The only thing that will kill Chris is his kindness, he was being kind. I think Chris understands that you are the main character in their marriage and he’s trying to hold onto these things which he ruins, but I fear that if secrets continue to happen, and if Chris continues to not speak up and blow up, that could push an edge to this marriage” picking my at my hair on my chin “you said we will be ok?” Robyn questioned “you both will but when I say edge I mean create the firework of arguments” Captain explained, Robyn is wanting to blow.

She is so annoyed “why do you love me!? Why the fuck do you love me Chris, you can’t sit there and be truthful to me, you can’t look at me and consult me like I am your wife, you like to do your own thing, you are looking at me like I am Rihanna, and I don’t like it” her voice broke but she held it together “why do you love me Chris?” Robyn asked again, I swallowed hard putting my head down. Clenching my jaw together “tell me?” she is hurt by me of course “it’s not easy to answer something like that” Robyn’ head tilted to the side wanting to know “our love just ain’t that we say love you to each other every night Robyn, this is on a spiritual level. It’s the love you have given me when I was not able to move, the love you gave me when we were alone in school, the love you gave me even when your dad ditched you with nothing but yet you came to my basketball game. It’s the love you give to everyone even when you are breaking down. Nobody understands that if you weren’t here then I wouldn’t be here” I got choked up “you saved me and that is love” I swallowed hard “you know why I love you Robyn” I said “thank you for loving me” I said tilting my head to the side “you know I do, I just wish you talk to me. You can’t keep on hiding things like that, ok I am harsh or blunt but I do it for your own good” I don’t know if I am glad that it’s been said “with Chris opening up to you, also him apologising. Is this something you can move on from?” Captain asked “I want to know why he is feeling that way towards me because of I am aiming for Billionaire” Robyn said staring at me, she wants answers.

[thecandywrites]

The Beginning of Stormbreaker Part 4 Finale

Ok, so unless you haven’t figured it out, Butternut- is my version of a Shae Nut, But the nuts are in this lovely fruit pictured above, that in my mind tastes like a creamy mango with hints of melon and papaya. And this lovely red apple looking fruit on the right is Dragon Heart Fruit which in my mind has the flavor of Lychee, mango and pinapple, still very tropical tasting. Also the lovely ladies above, on the top row on the left, that is Grat, Drad and Sarg’s mother, and on the left is Shari, Rhos’ and Esri’s mother. 

Part 4

It took over a week of going back and forth to the dragon’s lair to get all the scales and usable leather, sinew and good bones along with the dragon’s small horde of gold, jewels and other precious items, which when divided evenly between Rhosland, Esri, Drad and Sarg along with equal portions allotted to their mothers and Orcoth in addition to Rhos and Esri’s already gathered pearls which Rhos and Esri gave a portion of the pearls to their mother, Grat and Orcoth so that all seven of them would be richer, despite the failed raid while Esri and Rhos kept all the beautiful shells to keep to make jewelry later. 

Drad and Sarg happily ground down the good left over dragon bones into a fine powder back at camp while they rested and healed at remarkably fast rates, thanks to the dragon bone. By the time they had managed to forage all they could and the suits of armour for all four of them and three breast plates at least for Rhos’ and Esri’s mother as well as Orcoth, were done, they decided to head back to Skull Screamer, the four of them in the little row boat with extra large rafts tied to the boat behind them, that Sarg and Drad had built to carry all the smoked and preserved meat and fish and other foraged goods along with a few cuttings of the tree in the dragon’s cave and baskets that Drad and Sarg had woven themselves while they hung out at Rhos’ and Esri’s campsite out of the tall grasses to hold all the fruit from the tree and others and all the seeds left behind from the tree that had fallen in previous years that had been in a heap under the tree along with the fruits of the Butternut bush and hundreds of wild rose buds to make rose soap along with the ash from the smoker to get the lye to make the soap needed. 

However when they came rowing back up Skull Screamer’s main river Rhos and Esri looked worriedly to Drad and Sarg as everyone in the village looked at them like ghosts before they noticed that once they came upon Drad and Sarg’s mother’s house both of their mothers and Orcoth came out of the house as both their mothers were so happy and overjoyed to see their children come back as Drad and Sarg pulled the boat and the rafts up onto the shore as they were immediately surrounded by everyone. 

“You’re alive!” Shari cried as she embraced her daughters as her daughters embraced her in turn. 

“Of course we are alive, why did you think we were dead?” Rhos asked her mother. 

“Because Zash and his sons, got lost in fog and attacked Hurricane Breaker. And when Drad and Sarg’s horses along with many others came back without their riders and blood on their saddles, we assumed the worst and imagined that you and Esri had camped too close to the accidental battlefield and got caught up in it.” Shari cried. 

“We heard the battle but it was at a distance and we stayed inside the tent until the sounds of the battle stopped, and after the battle ended we were approached by Captain Tilge of Hurricane Breaker and her warband of shieldmaidens. But once we explained what we were doing there and that Skull Screamer must have gotten lost in the fog and had no intention of attacking and thus, we had no intent to harm them or their clan and they believed us and believed that we were younglings because of our size and saw that we were unarmed and therefore not a threat, they had no quarrel with us and left us in peace and safety and even discouraged anyone else in Hurricane Breaker from coming to us and to leave us alone. In fact they happily shared a meal with us and struck up a friendly peace with Esri and I and to signify that peace, I gave her the tribute necklace I had given to Shadi and Esri gave her the bracelet that she had made for Baka as tribute that they gave us as bride gifts when we left but when they said that Tar had been killed, we knew we weren’t going to be marrying him and when Drad and Sarg found us and we healed them from their own wounds. And when they were healed enough to walk on their own we came back.” Rhos explained to her mother and others who had come to see her for themselves. 

“What happened here while we were gone?” Rhos asked her mother. 

“Well after Zash unwittingly got lost in the fog and accidentally attacked Hurricane Breaker, he and his men died in the raid. As did all of Zash’s sons, we thought only the few men of the other warbands survived and came back and reported that everyone else had died. So almost all the people who came to deliver bride gifts before you left, came and demanded them back since you would not be brides to Tar. And it’s only because Grat opened up her home to me that I had any place to go. The whole clan thought that you and Esri’s joining Tar’s family was a bad sign of disapproval from the gods and would confuse them and thus sent the fog that caused us to lose everyone that we did, so Shadi and Baka, they burned down our house in retribution for losing Tar and in the commotion they gave birth only a few days ago, both to girls.” Shari revealed as Rhos and Esri gasped in horror as they stared at their neighbors in outrage who by now were lowering their heads in shame and backing away. 

“What kind of madness is this?! No! It was Zash’s and Tar’s own stubbornness and confusing leadership that led to us unwittingly attacking Hurricane Breaker and if it had not been for Shaman Orcoth who gave me prophetic advice that I and Sarg listened to his words and survived. And it was Rhosland and Esri who took us in and healed us and concealed us from Captain Tilge and did so in such a way to keep themselves and us above suspicion. Which takes courage and faith and loyalty. They have been blameless and Sarg and I both saw over the last week or so how Esri and Rhosland have been nothing but blessings for us. They healed us with medicine they instinctively know, they fed us from the game they were able to kill all on their own and they even shot down a bear and had victory over it. And then they found the hissing rocks which they realized wasn’t actually a cursed place but discovered that it was an old dragon’s home, the dragon had been trapped inside and had a tree growing from it’s chest to the roof of the place and when they investigated it, they collected the dead dragons scales and leather and made us these exquisite suits of armor and these weapons that have no compare and even used the bones to heal our own broken bones. Which is why we are at full health after only a week of sustaining almost fatal injuries. They are not a curse, they never were, they are our blessing and salvation and I am more than honored to have Rhos as my mate as is Sarg to have Esri. And just look what they were able to capture when they were given the right tools- they were more than successful.” Drad pointed out as he gestured to his suit of armor and then gestured to all the food and other supplies on the boat and on the rafts for emphasis as proof of what he was saying. 

“So Mother Shari- I would be more than happy to build you a house of stone and timber to replace the one of bricks that you lost. And don’t worry about anything that you lost, I will see to it that you are given at least twice what you have previously lost. Thank you Mom for doing the right thing by taking her in.” Drad declared as he grasped her hands and comforted her. 

“So, I have an announcement. Since Shadi and Baka had girls and that no one from Zash’s male line survived, as Tar’s First Commander of Captains, I hereby take the position of Warchief and I appoint Sarg as my Warlord and we will claim the neutral land that is just south of Hurricane Breaker and North of here since Rhosland and Esri are in a peace treaty with them. Since that land already gave us so much, it will give us more- still. And all those who did not get to take back their bride gifts to Rhosland and Esri are free to do so now that they are back. But know that if you do, you will not be welcome in Stormbreaker which is the clan I will be starting there, and all those that did and had a hand in burning down Shari’s house, will also not be welcome in Stormbreaker either and you will reap such unforgivable disrespect and never again will such things ever be permitted let alone tolerated.” Drad announced as Rhos had never been more proud of him as Esri and Rhosland put the tanned bear hide over their mother and comforted her and gave her, her fair share of the dragon’s horde.

Then Shari told her daughters exactly who had come and wanted what they gave back and remembered still who had given what before Esri and Rhosland spitefully got all of it out of their row boats and rafts and forced it back into the hands of those who had given it  in the first place and wanted it back even though the others, out of fear of Drad and Sarg and their new announcement had tried to go back on their word and their previous choices before Rhos and Esri simply let the gifts fall to the ground at the giver’s feet and wanted nothing to do with them before they unloaded everything else into Grat’s house which she didn’t have that big of a house to begin with but all of them did their best to squeeze themselves and all that they had foraged and hunted into it as Esri and Rhos gave Orcoth, Grat and Shari some of the dragon bone powder as it healed Orcoth immediately so that he did not have to limp as Shari and Grat both seemed to regain some of their youth and vigor and soundness of mind and body. 

“I tried to tell the clan that all of you were still alive and well but they didn’t believe me, but I think they will now.” Orcoth noted to Drad and Sarg who had readily accepted Sarg as his father also while they feasted on the smoked and preserved venison’s tenderloins and backstraps, the best parts of the venison along with the mushrooms and other foods that they had managed to forage for.  

“You should take Rhos home with you and prove to the whole clan that you’re verile though Warchief Drad.” Orcoth suggested to Drad. 

“Oh he already did.” Rhos laughed as she blushed prettily and beamed happily. 

“But he needs to prove it to everyone else. Here, burn this in the fireplace. It will help Warchieftess.” Orcoth said to Rhosland as he gave her a small sack of incense. 

“Come on, let’s show Shadi and Baka how it’s done at least.” Drad grinned giddily with a wink that made Rhos blush even harder.

“Ok fine.” Rhos agreed before she hugged everyone goodbye and took what meager possessions that her mother was able to save as Drad carried their portion of the food and other belongings to his own home that was close to Shadi’s and Baka’s house since he was the First Commander of Captains, he had the “privilege” of having a house close to Tar’s as they noticed that Rhos and Esri’s boat was now empty boats and rafts getting filled with the previous gifts that they had been given along with even more gifts and notes of deepest and most sincere apologies before Drad built a good fire in his stone fireplace before Rhos threw in small handful of incense into the fire and noticed the smell was heavenly as her whole body immediately reacted to it and she felt her whole body relax and her spirit soar and become happy as Drad then reverently made love to her with so much love and passion that Rhos lost count of how many times she had accepted her pleasure from him as the incense helped her forget all about the clan around them and Drad encouraged her to not hold back but to moan and keen and cry out in ecstacy as loud as she wanted so that he could make no mistake if he was truly pleasing her and quietly made her promise and swear to never fake her pleasure with him which she was all too happy to do as she was so overwhelmed with bliss she would have agreed to just about anything he asked of her. 

Come morning, Shadi and Baka were disgusted that they had to endure the sounds of Rhos’ and Esri’s love making and demanded that Drad and Sarg take all who wanted to follow them with them but that they needed to leave sooner than later, while anyone who wanted to stay true to Skull Screamer was welcome to stay but that anyone from Skull Screamer that left to join Stormbreaker were never going to be welcome back again when Stormbreaker failed and imploded as Rhos readily agreed to those terms as an equal Warchieftess to Shadi with the stipulation that any from Skull Screamer who wished to come into Stormbreaker would first need to make their peace with herself, her sister and especially their mother before they would be welcomed into Stormbreaker as this was announced in Skull Screamer’s town hall for the whole clan to hear. 

It took another week for everyone to pack all of their things and break their houses down to reuse the lumber and load them onto new boats they built themselves but over three quarters of Skull Screamer left to join Stormbreaker as Drad and Rhos used the stones from the Dragon’s own old lair as the foundation stones for their own house since just nearby was the wild rose bush that would take up the front yard of the home and easily pushed the stones over to make a large, surprisingly flat and even foundation that had plenty of space to dig down to make a root cellar and have a lovely inner courtyard where the original tree that had been growing from the dragon’s chest still stood. 

Others in the clan followed suit, using the very large but smooth stones from the rivers and streams to first dig down to set the foundation stones securely then build up with more stone and motar made from the clay from the little islands as they redirected all the little side streams into the main river and used the forrest of stone timbers to use for their houses before they all happily made new markers and marked out their territory, leaving a little space between Hurricane Breaker to the North, and Skull Screamer to the South and Bone Crusher to the East. 

Rhos and Esri were pleased to learn that Captain Tilge was now Warchieftess Tilge since she led the victory over Skull Screamer and between Tilge and Rhos, they made their own peace and alliance that Drad and Tilge’s husband Warchief Murzol agreed to as well as Rhos readily offered a good sized cutting of the wild rose bush to Tilge and a cutting of the Butternut Bush as well as a cutting of the tree that was in the dragon’s cave and gave them to Tilge to plant in her own home’s garden so that she could continue to have the wild rose scented soap and the fruits of the tree as Tilge taught Rhos how to make it herself and many other kinds of soap as well which Rhos readily learned and took to heart as Tilge and Rhos exchanged seeds and seedlings and saplings for the gardens of Stormbreaker and Hurricane Breaker. 

While Rhos and Drad were still living in Drad’s re-erected home on Stormbreaker’s territory next to their new home that they were building on top of the dragon’s lair, while they both worked on cutting down stone timbers to construct their new house over the stones. No sooner had they fell the first tree before a storm blew in but didn’t topple any tents or other homes but when the storm cleared, they found a fleet of ships moored and marooned on the shore of their beach that they had claimed. 

The crews of the ship were sick with scurvy and other ailments and close to death, had all the older commanding officers die from the sickness, just leaving the younger, newer orcish sailors who were barely bigger than grunts left alive. Drad offered them a choice, give up the vessels and all their cargo and they would be welcome into Stormbreaker’s clan and Rhos and Esri would use what was left the fruits and bone powder to heal them. Which the younger orcs readily accepted but they immediately knew that the fruit was known as Dragon Heart Fruit. It usually only grew on the islands that were the birthplace of dragons in the world after the convergence of the spheres and that dragons often came back to the islands to mate every so often and always had at least one seed of the fruit in their gut and when they died somewhere in the world, often the seed would sprout in a dragon’s dead guts, close to it’s heart so that it always looked like the tree sprouted from the dragon’s chest and the fruit was vaguely heart shaped and did best when planted in a gut pile of another animal when not planted as a cutting or sapling. And was famed for it’s taste along with it’s nutritional value and it’s ability to heal as well. 

The sailor orcs did not know where they were, only where they were from and have a vague where they were going and had lost their maps in the storms and their cargo was actually the goods to go into a palace of a king. And so Rhos and Drad got the first picks of all the cargos as Rhos put a special piece of paper with a mark to tag all that she wanted from all the holds, then Esri and Sarg were given their turn to stake claim to what they wanted, then Orcoth, as Stormbreaker’s shaman was given his pick of what he wanted and then Shari and Grat were also given their picks of whatever they wanted from the holds and the rest was given to the rest of the clan including the young orcish sailors who were excited to claim the goods they had coveted all this time, especially the large barrels of spices that were distributed to everyone in the clan evenly, except for Drad and Rhos who each got a triple portion, being Warchief and Warchieftess. Sarg and Esri, Orcoth, Shari and Grat were all individually given double portions as well to signify their high status as Orcoth happily claimed Grat and Shari as his wives, each of them equal in his eyes and in his heart and loved and cared for them the same way Drad cared for Rhos and the same way Sarg cared for Esri as both Shari and Grat were happy to finally have a husband who cared for them and took care of them they way they had always wanted and needed but never could manage before. 

Drad insisted that the first house to be built and finished should be Orcoth’s as his father and shaman which Orcoth happily accepted and Drad made good on his promise that both his mother and Shari both received more than double of whatever they had lost, the replacements being of much better and finer qualities than what Shari had previously lost as their house was built right next door to Drad and Rhosland’s house, Drad and Rhosland’s house being the second house to be built and finished and furnished and thanks to som ingenuity on Rhosland’s part, the foundations were stone, the floors, tiled, the walls were of stone timbers but covered in special oil and tar to preserve the timbers and then covered with a special plastar that had been in a powdered form in barrels on the ships. That once it mixed with water- became a white paste that she and others used to coat the walls and the cielings and then used the paint powders to mix special batches of plastar to paint all the rooms inside and outside the room, the most beautiful vivd colors as the house was now large enough to have dozens of rooms and a courtyard with it’s own special garden on the inside and a medicine garden and food garden on the outside, the wild rose bush being cut into two, so that she had wild rose bushes on either side of the front porch of her house and even used the special glass domes that were on the ships as skylights in her own house and even made a second story and a roof with walls and ledges and built in benches and the little stream that had been flowing into the original dragon’s cave served as her home’s own personal plumbing line to get water in and out of the house. Happy that her own years of having a mud and mudbrick house serving as the finest teacher to help her build her new house to exactly how she wanted it as Drad was only all too happy to help her realize her dream and fell in love with the sheer beauty of it all and it only served to show off how much of a beautiful person inside and out that he married and once it was done, it was just as much of a work of art as it was a home as others took what was left to decorate and build their own homes in such ways, happy to have bright, beautiful colors to decorate their homes that the warm tones of wood only accented and accentuated as they noticed the homes now had naturally warming properties in the cooler weather and cooling properties in the warmer weather. 

Sarg and Esri claimed the best captain’s quarters on the best ship as their home as once all the cargo was unloaded and the ships renovated into big fishing boats and docks were built on the beach so that the ships could anchor and be pulled up to the piers and decks and helped build a lighthouse and then the whole clan helped everyone else build their own homes all while Rhos’ and Esri’s baby bumps grew in size every day as the Shaman was adamant that Rhos and Esri were both definitely carrying sons. 

Meanwhile Shadi and Baka were fighting a losing battle. More and more of the remaining few clan members of Skull Screamer stayed because Shadi and Baka ruled and behaved in the same way they had always done which now that they didn’t have the Clan Cheif and his eldest son backing them, now others did not hide their offense to their behavior and when Shadi and Baka tried simply taking what they wanted and what they felt they were owed, for the first time in their lives- it was denied to them. 

Especially once the fleet of ships ran aground in Stormbreaker’s territory and Stormbreaker had effectively more than tripled in size and multiplied in wealth and success, to the point that the young sailors happily took on the widows and previous children of the fallen warriors of Skull Screamer after they grew bigger into full grown adults and after the widows had made amends to Rhos, Esri and especially to Shari as the widows were happy that instead of daughters being seen as a disappointment, but instead that every child was precious, they had no desire to go back to Skull Screamer. 

Plus Rhos and Esri were the opposite of Shadi and Baka. Where Shadi and Baka were domineering and demanding, Rhos and Esri simply asked how they could help each family be successful, from having full gardens with all the medicinal and flavorfull herbs and other produce to each house having at least one if not several dragon heart trees growing. Using the gut piles of the all the kills of the game to plant the seeds themselves along with Butternut saplings and wild rose saplings and to never take whatever they wanted but only when the family’s needs and wants were met, if the family truly wanted to give anything as “tribute” they would accept it but never demand it and such behavior endeared them to the whole clan as Drad, Rhos, Sarg and Esri all encouraged each family to really pursue their interests and passions and took to fishing and trading instead of raiding as almost every woman in the clan now had at least one necklace of fine pearls each woman had collected from the shellfish in the waters of the river and the sea. 

The sailors especially took after Drad’s example, along with Sarg’s and Orcoth’s and cared very lovingly and respectfully of their wives and adopted children since Drad always treated Rhos with the utmost care, respect and dignity so that all that was left of Skull Screamer now was Shadi, Baka and their mothers and their daughters, all living under Zash’s old, and by now, very leaky roof as all that was left was now their home and the clan’s old townhall, which had stood empty, unused and now forgotten as it was abundantly clear that the old prophecy was true, that Skull Screamer would fall when under the guidance of a lone Clan Cheiftess or Warchieftess with no Clan Cheif or Warchief. 

Once Rhos and Esri both went into labor at about the same time and both gave birth to sons- who Drad and Rhosland named their son Brock and Sarg and Esri named their son Cugas as both boys were almost identical and had heard that all who got to see them praised how big and healthy and handsome both baby boys were before even more babies were born the clan and much rejoicing took place. 

Shadi and Baka had to humble themselves and admit defeat. They were almost out of food, soap, clothing, wood for their cooking fires and hearth even after taking down the other remaining houses and using them as fuel for their fires and what was left of all the gardens and thus- out of options. And came for Brock and Cugas’ birth festivals when they were one month old and out of danger and came wearing the best garments they had left to offer Rhos and Esri congratulations and to see Brock and Cugas who were themselves the most handsome baby boys they had ever seen because they both took after their mothers but they could still clearly see some of Drad’s and Sarg’s strong and handsome features in their sons. 

“We have come on this most blessed day to offer our congratulations and a truce.” Shadi began. 

“What was wrong with the agreement we agreed on a year ago?” Rhos asked curiously as she sat in her rocking chair on her porch and rocked Brock who slept blissfully away in her arms as Esri was next to her and also sitting in a rocking chair doing the same to Cugas, each woman having special puffed quilts over them and their sons. 

“Skull Screamer has fallen, all that is left of it is us. And if you do not help us, we and our daughters will die of starvation, we can find no fish or any game or anything to eat on Skull Screamer’s lands. And all those who had at first agreed to stay true to Skull Screamer have left it to join the greater Stormbreaker and seeing it’s success, we can not blame them and we hold no grudge against them or you. In fact, if you will agree to help us, we give up all rights to all of Skull Screamer’s lands to Stormbreaker, and all we ask in exchange is a place in Clan Stormbreaker. And a space to have a home.” Shadi explained as she bowed her head submissively. 

“But since we are the warchieftess’ and warlordess’ won’t you take us into your home? We will happily submit to Rhos as Warchieftess and or Esri as Warlordess and be second and or third wives to them, just like they were going to be to us had Tar survived.” Baka pleaded as Rhos gave Drad a meaningful look as he gave her a reassuring smile from his place next to her before he got up from his chair and stood on his porch above them and crossed his arms over his chest, still wearing that dragon scale armor proudly. 

“I, Clan Chief Warchief Drad of Stormbreaker do accept all of Skull Screamer’s lands from your hands, and since you all have humbled yourselves to come and ask, you are now welcome to stay as clan members of Clan Stormbreaker. However, I will never let you into my home or my household because I will never tolerate any disrespect to my Clan Cheiftess Warchieftess Rhosland, who is my wife, my mate, my better half and my greatest friend and ally. Because lest you forget, I was there, sitting in the grasses when you came to Rhosland a year ago, to offer her- her own tributes to you- as your bride gifts to her - when Tar had announced that he would have her then but never got a chance to fully claim her. And I listened as both of you threatened Rhosland with death by drowning if she ever tried to usurp you or come between you and Warlord Tar. And I will never tolerate any threat or disrespect in any way, shape or form to her. And I honestly do not trust either you or your mothers to not harm Rhosland or her mother or sister or especially our son or Esri’s son who are still young and could still fall victim to you.” Drad leveled as Shadi and Baka both balked at him and stared in terror at him and flushed with shame or embarrassment. 

“We did no such thing!” Shadi insisted. 

“My girl is a good girl, she would never do that!” Shadi’s mother insisted. 

“Really? Because I was there with Esri, also sitting in the grasses, out of your sight but well within hearing range, as you came and put those bracelets on her wrists and threatened her with similar things, are you calling the Clan Cheif Warchief and the Warlord of Clan Stormbreaker liars?” Sarg challenged angrily as he stood up and stood next to his brother and took a similar stance, with his arms crossed over his chest, standing between them and his own beloved wife. 

“Shaman Orcoth, would you please shed light on this matter and make things clear for the whole clan?” Drad invited as he looked over at the other rocking chairs on his porch which Orcoth, Shari and Grat had taken up as Shari and Grat were still knitting baby clothes for their grandsons.  

“Of course Warchief Drad. It would be my pleasure.” Orcoth grinned as he cast a spell and showed the whole thing, including all the cursing Shadi and Baka had done on the way too and from meeting with Esri and Rhosland as the whole clan gasped and murmured as they watched in horror the way Baka and Shadi were so domineering and just awful and led the attack on Shari and her humble old house and Grat’s kindness and compassion in saving Shari and what meager possessions she could before the show ended before Shadi and Baka’s mothers took the babes from their daughter’s arms and forced Shadi and Baka to kneel and bow down on their hands and knees with their foreheads touching the ground and started yelling and berating their “wicked” daughters for behaving so indecently and disrespectfully and pleaded for Drad and Sarg to show mercy and leniency on account of Baka’s and Shadi’s daughters who had started to cry by now which woke up Cugas and Brock and got them to start crying as well which upset Rhosland and Esri along with Drad and Sarg as Esri and Rhosland did all they could to comfort and console their sons as they brought their sons into Rhosland’s house to take a rest on the wonderfully comfortable couches that had been put there. 

“What do you think we should do?” Drad asked Rhosland. 

“Well now that everyone effectively knows that they are a bunch of liars. No one will trust them not to fall into the same pattern of behavior. But at the same time, their daughters have no choice in who their mothers are and they are still young and they shouldn’t have to suffer on account of their mothers. So let’s let them stay, but a very far distance away from our home, let them keep their old home, and they can turn it into a brothel for all I care.” Rhos answered him. 

“Agreed.” Esri grinned. 

“Agreed.” Sarg grinned too. 

“Very well.” Drad nodded before he came back out to see that everyone was still there, waiting to see how Drad would react and how he would respond. 

“On account of your daughters, who should not have to suffer on their mother’s account. You are allowed to be members of Clan Stormbreaker and you are allowed to either remain in your old house, or you may choose to rebuild here, that is your choice. But I warn any man in Stormbreaker from taking either of you as a bride, for no man would want such a wife as what you two have proven yourselves to be. Use whatever talents you have to earn your living here. And if you have none, then you can always turn your old home into a tavern which would be helpful, or possibly a brothel which in that case, neither Sarg or myself will ever use, your choice.” Drad announced as Baka and Shadi gasped in horror before their mothers slapped their hands over their daughter’s mouths to keep them from saying anything more. 

“A tavern it will be then, thank you Clan Chief Warchief Drad.” Shadi’s mother graciously accepted on her daughter’s behalf as their old friends agreed to help build them before Drad went back into his house to be with his family and disbursed everyone so they could go about their day. 

“So, a tavern it is.” Rhosland grinned since she could hear from the window in the wall. 

“Yup, the first, of hopefully many.” Drad smiled before he sat next to his wife and enveloped her in a hug and kissed her sweetly as they both looked down at their son who was now awake and cooing softly to both of his parents. 

“Just one thing, you’re not allowed to marry Shadi’s or Baka’s daughters when you grow up unless they are nothing like their mothers and you really, truly love them.” Rhosland told Brock which got Drad to laugh before Esri repeated that to Cugas too before there was a knock on the door and Drad got up to answer it before he found one of Sarg’s first mate. 

“Warlord Sarg, there is a small merchant ship, that is trying to go up river to a city further up river, it’s requesting assistance in help guiding the ship up the river to the next clan’s lands, they are headed to the mountains in the east, said that there are towns called colonies in the mountains that they are trying to sell their goods to and are willing to pay us a fee of gold now and another fee in gold on the way out if we are willing to do it.” He reported before Drad and Sarg shared a meaningful look and both nodded to each other.  

“Hell yeah, that’s an easy yes.” Sarg easily agreed before he got up and left the house to direct the other sailors on the shore to guide the ships using ropes on the shoreline to maneuver through the twisting and winding river before more and more merchant ships came to do the same, grateful that there was now a settlement here so that they could simply pay these orcs a small fee both to and from the mountain colony of Suchi as they brought in their vessels full of goods and would leave, having the boats laden with heaps of gold, happy and grateful that they didn’t have to use Hurricane Breaker’s river because Hurricane Breaker was bigger and stronger and demanded to inspect them and their cargo and demanded a portion of the goods, usually the best ones and half of all that they had, and a half portion of the gold the remaining half of the goods sold for at Suchi’s sister colony Twilla that their rivier eventually led to. And for just a flat fee, they could now make more money using this new clan of Stormbreaker and sell whatever didn’t sell at Suchi as part of their fee too. 

And thus was the beginning of Stormbreaker. 

[thinkingaboutdramas]

Thoughts on Court Lady, Part 2

In episode 28, Sheng Chumu suggested to Fu Rou that they run away from their imperial palace duties, which is a big no-no (especially since the Empress wouldn’t let Fu Rou go), and Fu Rou hesitated before stating that she must fulfil her duties. She understood the risk of eloping with Sheng Chumu. But Sheng Chumu actually guilt-tripped her by saying, ‘It’s not about your parents. It’s just I am not that important to you.’ Only then Fu Rou agreed.

Fu Rou, as I said earlier, is an idealistic and righteous woman. She wanted an upstanding man. She believed that she and Sheng Chumu would face the future together, all because of the frequent moments that pulled them away from each other. She stuck to her morals, like she didn’t have to save Prince Liang, who was a total bastard, but she did. So, she agreed to run off with Sheng Chumu, but things weren’t easy for them, and she told Sheng Chumu twice that they should go back. I always thought that Fu Rou was stubborn, but Sheng Chumu, in that arc, took the cake.

Fu Rou considered their situation and told Sheng Chumu, ‘Is us being together really more important than anything else?’ And then, ‘I don’t want you to lose all of your ambitions because of me’. She cared about Sheng Chumu so much, but she also cared about their future because they were living in hiding and they’d have to live in hiding for the rest of their lives. But Sheng Chumu was determined to make their situation work.

But then Sheng Chumu found out that one of the men who wanted her had saved her life, and he focused on that and on the fact that Fu Rou had always been firm in her belief of no sex and no other shenanigans before marriage. So, he actually told her, ‘No wonder you haven’t allowed me to be intimate with you.’ That made me so mad. See, Fu Rou was speaking about them abandoning their country and families, but Sheng Chumu--who’s apparently an insecure former playboy--got mad about her childhood fiancé.

But that wasn’t the only moment that rubbed me the wrong way. Fu Rou needed saving from a man, again, and after Sheng Chumu saved her, he told her that he didn’t want to see her again. He said hurtful things to her! But as he walked away, silly music played to indicate that he wasn’t being serious; plus, his reaction indicated to me that he wanted her to come to him, even though he was wrong. It was clear that he wouldn’t apologise for his behaviour. Again, she had to go to him to mend things between them, even though she was being reasonable, and he was being an idiot.

Sheng Chumu is a bit of clown. That was especially obvious at the start of the show, and even though he matured a little, he had moments where it was clear he was still a bit of a clown. But what do I mean with that? He pulled idiotic expressions that made me think of Mr. Bean, which will never be attractive. He has these moments, especially in the start of the drama, where he pulls himself together to look all serious, but it’s obvious it’s all an act.

So, Sheng Chumu found Fu Rou after he told her that he never wanted to see her again. He acted all serious in that moment, and Fu Rou apologised to him. But he didn’t apologise for his behaviour. Later, Fu Rou decided that they would get married. She put up the red decorations in their room, and when Sheng Chumu saw the decorations, he pulled that idiotic Mr. Bean expression. He knew he was finally getting what he wanted: intimacy. Fu Rou is all about laws and tradition, and she insisted that they finish all the steps in a wedding, but Sheng Chumu? No, he wanted to get to bed immediately. He couldn’t even wait a little longer for her.

The elopement arc ended with Fu Rou exposing her identity. That was when Prince Zhou entered the picture again. We found out that Prince Zhou knew she was alive but kept silent, and even wished that she would have a safe journey. Prince Zhou then insisted that she return to the palace, her duties, otherwise she would be in trouble--I agreed with that, like I had agreed with his other warnings and advice. But Fu Rou suddenly refused, even informing an administrator that she would not return to the capital. Even though it was expected of her. Even though she had mentioned her duties earlier.

That just made me go huh??? It could be that she refused to go because she didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to Sheng Chumu, because they made promises to each other and they married each other, but she could have done things differently. She’s such an intelligent woman, but sometimes she’s so stupid, and again, the Empress said the same. Also, Sheng Chumu? He’s such an intelligent man, but sometimes he’s so stupid. Or perhaps it’s his insecurity speaking, but when he saw her leave with Prince Zhou, he immediately misunderstood???

Fu Rou reassured Sheng Chumu quite a few times. She only wanted him. She refused intimacy so many times, but she was the one who prepared their wedding. See, in the morning after their wedding, Sheng Chumu told her to give him time and that they would find place to settle in and eventually they would return to their duties. Which wasn’t a good idea, because what if Ru Fou gets pregnant? Also, how would they explain where they were? The faster they return, the easier it is for them to explain their situation! But Fu Rou agreed to that, even though she had voiced her concerns about living in hiding.

Again, there were so many moments where she showed and voiced her love for him. But he didn’t have faith in her??? After that their relationship consisted of misunderstandings, and Sheng Chumu even tried to guilt-trip her a second time when he wanted to murder someone for revenge.

As the story developed, I became more and more annoyed with our female and male leads. Yes, they’re officially the leads of the story, but they didn’t feel like it. They were drawn into politics because of their positions (in Fu Rou’s case, she had this need to stick her head out for everyone, and that frustrated me and Prince Zhou), but if we ignore the politics and their romance, then what is it that they want? A character should be more than the main plot and their romance.

I think my biggest annoyance with the drama was that Fu Rou and Sheng Chumu were always perfect. Well, perfect regarding their positions. They never stumbled. Sure, they both received punishments, but they both had this unnatural ability to avoid real punishment. As I said earlier, Fu Rou always had a solution to everything, and she always figured things out. (Sheng Chumu was the same.) They’re portrayed as a power couple (not the power couple I was interested in), but their dynamic did nothing for me.

Also, about Fu Rou being perfect, and always knowing what to do and say, and being so idealistic and righteous, and always speaking up to the Emperor and Empress? Well, at the end of the drama, this perfect lady’s student becomes the Crown Prince. Also, her reward for all the above? She’s released from the palace and finally she gets to be with her upstanding man. That’s her story. But again, a character should be more than the main plot and their romance.

Lastly, sometimes when I finish a drama, I think about what I took away from the drama, and in this case, I can only think of one thing: don’t trust anyone in the imperial palace.

[ververa]

The Cure

Request:  the reader experiencing paralysing self-doubt and someone being there for them/talk them down from it? With any of the girls, surprise me, whoever you feel like writing if you get the chance :) I'd really appreciate it c:

Requested by: @welshdragonrawr​

A/N: 50 cups of coffee later... this is what I came up with. I’m not sure if this is what you wanted, but I did my best. Also @misssmephisto​ THANK YOU  SO SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!!! I would never finish it if it hadn’t been for you.

Hope you enjoy it! 

Ally Mayfair-Richards x fem!reader x Tammy

Words: 4166

You grew up in a toxic and abusive family. Violence was something that you had been facing on a daily basis for almost your entire life. And you just kinda adapted to it. It's not like you had a choice. Your body did it automatically, so as to avoid being hurt too much. Without realizing it you blocked your feelings almost completely - thinking it would help you survive in the extreme conditions. Conditions that deprived you of complacency and emotional stability, but increased your vigilance. And all that was because instead of love and support all you got from your family was a trauma. A trauma which was so bad that it took you a few years of therapy to manage and get some of your behaviour problems under control.

Your family pretty much messed up your whole life, but deep inside you were a fighter. You knew you couldn’t and you weren’t going to give up on your life just like that, because they treated you horribly. It didn’t turn you cold. Not fully at least. You did consider yourself broken, but not completely. You still believed there was the cure for all your suffering, sadness and damage they had caused. And your aim was to find it.

You hadn’t got the love you needed, though somehow that made you want to give all of you to other people. You completely devoted your life to helping others. It wasn't easy, since you needed help yourself, but you did it. You became a teacher, thinking that it was the way of helping those who were the most vulnerable - children. You absolutely loved your job and your students adored you. You were more like their friend rather than the teacher. You were always there for them - ready to help with anything, because you knew that some of them may really need it - just like you as a child. 

You were an incredibly sensitive, caring and loving person. Everyone always said that, though you didn’t believe it. You loved people, but you hated yourself. 

It wasn’t your fault. It was on your parents, who made you believe that you were worthless and didn’t deserve the same kind of love that you were giving to others. You knew it wasn’t quite alright and you tried hard to change the way you felt about yourself, though, it wasn’t that simple. You probably wouldn’t be able to do it on your own, but luckily for you - you met Ally.

The two of you met at the therapy and you just clicked. Ally knew better than anyone else how hard being traumatized could be at times. She knew the struggle, because she had been there herself. She also knew that facing it on your own was making it even more difficult, that’s why she decided to be there for you. At first you thought she was just being nice and friendly, but after some time, when you got comfortable enough Ally made it clear - she wanted to be more than friends.

You really liked her. In fact you considered Ally a hero. She was a strong woman and you looked up to her a lot. She made you believe that you too could cope with your problems, especially that you weren’t alone anymore. Ally was very supportive. She tried to help you as much as possible, even though you almost never asked for help. You were stubborn when it came to that, but she just kept doing little things, that she thought may help building up your self-esteem. She gave you as much time and attention as possible. She always praised you - telling everyone how amazing you were. It seemed to be a never-ending job, but after some time her efforts finally started working. You became more confident and definitely less harsh on yourself. And you had to admit - it was a really nice change. But you weren’t sure whether you wanted to be with her. She made you feel safe, yet you still had issues, which didn’t make it any easier. You didn’t want to be a burden. You didn’t want your behaviour to affect Ally’s son or her. You were just worried.

You didn’t like changes. They were scaring you, because you felt as if you were losing control for which you had been fighting for so long. You tried to avoid it at all costs.

You definitely had never expected that in one year your life could change so much. Meeting Ally was like a breakthrough. She and her son made your life better. They made you happier, but also very confused. Positive emotions always made you feel that way. You  weren’t used to them and managing all of them was overwhelming. 

It took you quite some time to deal with your doubts about being with Ally. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse and more complicated - she appeared in your life. Tammy - a single mother of two. 

-

Her little family had just moved in town and her children happened to be your new students. You met her at school and you immediately felt something. It was a weird feeling of peace. Peace that was taking over you whenever she was around. Tammy just seemed to be nice. After everything you had been through you acquired the ability of sensing whether the person was good or not. It usually took you some time, but with Tammy one look was enough - just like with Ally. It wasn’t something that you could explain. Going through it once - with Ally was a lot, but twice? 

It wasn’t exactly the same. Ally and Tammy were completely different. They both made you feel different things. On the one side there was Ally - probably the strongest woman you had ever met, who made you feel more self-confident and stronger. And on the other there was Tammy - the sweetest and the nicest soul in the universe, that made you calm and brought you such serenity, that you had never felt before.

It felt good. You couldn’t deny it, but at the same time you felt as if you were stuck between the two of them. They both adored you and made you feel special. And you liked them too. The problem was - you liked them both equally and it wasn’t possible for you to choose one. It kind of felt like the two of them and you were complementary with one another. You found yourself wanting them both, but at the same time you felt like it wasn’t right.

You didn’t want to hurt any of them, because you didn’t want to lose them. But you also didn’t believe it was possible to have them both. You were so used to losing everything you truly cared about. You were used to all the good things coming to an end faster than you would rather and that made you scared. You didn’t know what to do, so you ended up doing what you did best - you started blocking your feelings again.

-

You were spending a lot of time with Ally and Tammy. Sometimes you were attending Ally’s campaign meetings. Other times you would go to the cafe with Tammy. You were always with one of them, so when you suddenly stopped talking and became reserved they immediately noticed it.

Ally and Tammy didn’t know each other too well. They hadn’t necessarily paid attention to each other’s existence, as they were too preoccupied by you. They had met at few occasions, but never actually talked. They were just passing by each other - sometimes exchanging friendly smiles, but that was all. So, it was quite a surprise for both women, when one day they found themselves watching you - surrounded by a group of children.

Ally was the first one to realize that Tammy was staring at you as well. The blonde stood at the hall, watching you from afar with that look in her eyes. The look full of adoration. Ally knew that look, because she looked at you the same way.

Ally knew you longer. She was well aware of your trauma and all the issues you had. She knew how hard it was for you to open up and let people close. That’s why she tried not to push you into anything, but she couldn’t help and was jealous knowing that she wasn’t the only one who wanted you.

You weren’t together, so she had no right to tell Tammy off - especially that she could say the two of you liked each other. Though she came up with another idea.

-

“She’s perfect, isn’t she?” the brunette said standing right next to Tammy

“Yes… She is” Tammy nodded not realizing she was still staring at you “I mean… I… Umm are you… like together?” she asked a bit perplexed 

“No” Ally shook her head “Not yet, at least”

“Oh…”

“I’m Ally by the way” she said confidently offering her hand

“Tammy. It’s nice to meet you” the blonde took Ally’s hand

“The pleasure is all mine” the brunette smiled looking in Tammy’s eyes

The blonde smiled back.

“So… I assume you like Y/N as well”

“I sure do, but if she decides to be with you, that’s okay. You don’t need to worry about it. I won’t get in your way”

“Oh, sweetheart, I know you won’t, but that’s not what I’m worried about”

“Why are you doing this then?” Tammy asked a bit confused 

“I just want to make sure Y/N is okay. I promised myself that I’ll take care of her”

“Why wouldn’t she be okay?”

“I don’t know”

“Are you implying that I’m trying to hurt her? Because if you do, then I can assure you it’s not my intention”

“I’m only concerned about Y/N’s wellbeing”

“Well, you don’t need to worry, I’ll take care of her”

“I’m sure you’d like that, but not so fast”

Tammy rolled her eyes, but smiled.

“Are you going to make it some kind of challenge?” the blonde asked arching her eyebrow

“No. I have completely different plans when it comes to Y/N”

“I really don’t want to know”

Ally chuckled.

“I’m kidding. I’m just wondering… Have you noticed her acting weird lately?”

“Like being reserved and avoiding spending time together? Yes”

“I think that’s something our girl has a problem with”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she’s confused, because she’s not used to affection… And now, well, she has us both and she probably doesn’t know what to do”

Tammy frowned turning round, so that she could face Ally. They looked at each other, not saying anything for a while. There was a tension between them. The kind of tension, that both of them hadn’t felt for a while.

“And what do you want to do about it?”

“I thought that maybe we could make it easier for her”

“What do you suggest?” Tammy asked 

“Well” Ally smirked “Since we both care about her and she clearly likes us both… we could share”

“I…” Tammy hesitated “It’s not the kind of relationship I’d normally go for, but if Y/N agrees…”

“I’m glad you said yes, because personally I think that this is a great idea”

“Oooh, just lay it on the line and say you like experimenting and can’t keep it in your pants”

“You got me there” Ally smirked “But honestly, Tammy, you’re a very attractive woman” the brunette laughed seeing the blush on Tammy’s face

“You’re beyond the bounds of possibility”

“I am, but that’s exactly what the two of you will like about me the most” she said licking her lips

Tammy shook her head.

“But seriously… are you sure it’s a good idea… I mean to tell her now, when she’s like that?”

“Don’t be a crybaby. She’s strong. She’ll be fine. All she needs is love and affection”

“I’m not a crybaby. I’m just worried about her”

“I know you are” Ally said “And now I also know why she likes you. You’re almost as sensitive as she is” she added smiling

Tammy was about to say something, but before she had a chance her kids and you walked out.

“We’ll continue this conversation” she said to Ally, before all their attention was on you

You were moving towards them. You didn’t expect them both to be there, but you, sure, were happy to see them. You smiled shyly as they were looking at you. You could feel the blush forming on your cheeks, but you kept walking.

“Hi” you greeted them

“Hello, sweetheart” Ally beamed 

“How was your day?” Tammy asked

 “Good” you answered looking at them cautiously “Why are you smiling like this?” you asked suspiciously 

The women looked at each other.

“Because… we’re happy to see you” Ally stated, as Tammy shook her head “Actually, sweetheart, we’re wondering if you have time tonight. Well, you’ll need to make yourself free, because I promised Tammy we’ll have dinner together”

“Dinner?” Tammy looked at the brunette

“Yes. Dinner” Ally emphasised shooting the blonde a warning glance

“Oooh, right”

“I… Umm… together?” you asked a bit confused

“Yes” Ally said enthusiastically “I’ll wait for you at the restaurant. Tammy will pick you up. And now I need to go, because I still have some work to do. I’ll see you later” she said kissing your forehead, before turning to Tammy “She’s all yours now” she said “Behave yourself”

Tammy looked at the politician.

“Excuse me? I don’t have such problem as you do. I don’t lack decency”

“Don’t worry, dear, we’ll work on it” Ally said winking 

Their behaviour wasn’t typical. In fact, their talking to each other that way was a huge surprise for you. You couldn’t help, but thought about it for the rest of the day. You were pretty stressed because of it, not really knowing why. It wasn’t something bad, but was it something good? 

-

Their suggestion or rather offer took you off guard. You couldn’t have possible expected things to went that way, but you couldn’t say ‘no’. Not to them. After all they were all you wanted, so if there was a possibility to have them both - you definitely weren’t going to waste your chance. You accepted their offer, you agreed to the polyamorous relationship and you didn’t regret it. It felt good. In fact, it felt better than good. They felt like home that you were seeking so badly. They gave you love and affection that you hadn’t got ever before. 

Though despite nothing was wrong, you felt scared. It wasn’t really your fault. You were dealing with a damaged mind, which made almost everything triggering. Whether you liked it or not, you were always searching for something wrong. And because you were a trouble searcher there always find troubles. No matter how hard you tried, you simply couldn’t quit bad thinking. You just didn’t want to lose them.

Ally and Tammy got a hold on you. You were sure that you could never get enough of them, but you were worried that they may get tired of you. You needed to be reassured almost all the time. They had to prove their feelings to you, show you that they love you. You felt as if you were beyond repair and nothing could change it. It made you vulnerable and even more insecure, because you kept thinking you were taking too much and not giving enough. You needed them like you needed oxygen. You truly loved them, but at the same time you were afraid of diving into that feeling. You were afraid of letting them too close, for fear they may go and never come back. And the thought of them leaving you, the possibility of being abandoned and left alone again was making you paranoid. Nothing bad happened, it was just your mind making you doubt everything. You tried, but couldn’t make it stop. Your mind was running - the negative thoughts and all what ifs were engulfing you.

At first you had it under control, or rather you thought so. It was easier to push the bad thoughts away when you were working. Your mind was occupied with things other than your worries and insecurities, so you were fine. Though as the holidays started you had a lot of free time and you couldn’t find yourself a place. You could feel something inside you change and you knew it wasn’t anything good.  You couldn’t figure out what happened to you and why you got so insecure. All you knew was that inner voice - which kept telling you that you weren’t good enough and they were going to leave you just like everyone else - was back. 

You kept watching Ally and Tammy leaving together every morning and then cooking together in the evening, while you were playing with the kids. It was a routine. You were used to it and it had never bothered you before. Though it changed. You couldn’t help and thought that they would be better off without you. You were breaking your own heart thinking about it, but you couldn’t stop. You were in pieces, but they didn’t notice, because this time you knew how to hide it. In fact you were holding it all back. You kept pretending that everything was fine and it worked - at least for some time, because it was harder and harder to not let it show. 

Both Ally and Tammy were pretty busy - working, though they could say something was wrong. You seemed to be nervous around them. You also looked very tired, as you didn’t get much sleep and you definitely lost on weight. They tried talking, but you brushed them off every time - coming up with some excuse, so as not to continue the conversation. They didn’t want to push, so they let it be the way it was, hoping that whatever problem there was would resolve with time. You hoped that too, but soon it turned out to be too much for you. The demons inside your head started taking over your mind and consuming your sanity completely. You felt as if you were falling into darkness and what you feared the most was that nobody could catch you.

-

Tammy and Ally didn’t have much time for you for the past few weeks and they felt really bad because of it. They had never meant to neglect you and so they wanted to make it up to you. They decided to try ad spend more time with you during the day, not only in the evenings when you were all home. It wasn’t easy though. Their schedules were pretty tight, so they couldn’t always make it to meet with you and it was almost impossible to find the right time for the three of you to go out together, so you were meeting with only one of them.

That day you were supposed to have lunch with Tammy. She arrived at the settled place, but you weren’t there. She waited for some time, but you didn’t show up. It wasn’t typical - you were the one, who almost always were at the set place earlier. Tammy kept calm and called you, though you didn’t pick up. She then thought that you were with Ally, so she called her instead - but you weren’t there. That’s when not only Tammy, but also Ally got worried.

“She was supposed to take kids to my cousin’s place… What if something happened?” Tammy asked as they were on their way home

“We would already know. I’ll call Oz”

“No. Don’t spoil their fun. We’ll go home and if Y/N isn’t there then you’ll call him”

“Okay” Ally nodded 

Both women were really stressed and panicked. There were so many bad things that could have happened. Ally kept trying to call you, but  you still didn’t pick up your phone, so she called your doctor. She just needed to know what was going on and if it was because of the issues you had. Yet even though the talk with the psychiatrist made her a bit calmer, she was still worried. He said you were doing good and that the pills were helping you, and that was a kind of  relief. Yet there still were a lot of questions and no answers.

You didn’t know how you ended up in the bedroom that the three of you shared - curled up in your bed and crying. It just felt like everything was too much. You had been holding your feelings back for too long and you couldn’t take it anymore. You were fine. In fact that morning you were completely sure you got over that weird feeling inside of you. You were sure you got rid of that horrible voice that you heard, but then, as you took the kids to Tammy’s cousin’s place and were on your way back, it all hit you again with doubled power. You forgot about the whole world surrounding you. It was just you, your insecurities and doubts. You let them win, because you didn’t have enough strength to keep fighting. You were suffocating and you needed a relief. And there you were - crying so hard that you couldn’t breath. 

Tammy was the first one to enter the bedroom. She opened the door and when she saw you she was sure she may start crying herself.

“Ally?!” she called quietly enough for you not to hear, but loud enough to catch the brunette’s attention

Without waiting for Ally, Tammy entered and approached you. She carefully lay down beside you and before you even realized it, she embraced you. She said nothing. She was afraid of making it worse, so she waited for Ally. You let her hold you, you were too weak and tired to fight with her.

Ally didn’t need to ask you anything. She saw you and she knew what was going on. The only thing she couldn’t figure out was - what had triggered it.

“Y/N?” she spoke as she sat on the edge of the bed, gently placing one of her hands on your knee “Sweetheart, what happened?”

You shook your head. refusing to talk. The brunette sighed before lying down next to you. She caressed your cheek, wiping the tears, while Tammy was brushing your hair in a soothing way.

“Whatever happened… it’s okay. Everything is okay. You’re not alone. We’re here with you” Ally said

“And we love you” Tammy added kissing your temple 

You stayed there like that in a complete silence for a while. You managed to calm down a little and as soon as you did, you began apologising.

“I’m s-sorry” you whispered

“Honey, you don’t need to be sorry” Tammy said

“Y/N you need to talk to us” Ally aid “It’s okay. Just talk to us. Tell us what’s wrong?”

You hesitated, not knowing what to say. You thought for a moment - trying to find the right words.

“I…” you hesitated “I just don’t want to lose you”

Ally and Tammy looked at each other.

“We’re not going anywhere” the blonde said

“Why do you think we could ever leave you?” Ally asked

“Because…” you took a deep breath “I’m not good enough and you’d be better off without me”

“Y/N” the brunette began “Look at me”

You did as you were told and she continued.

“Listen to me, you are enough and you will always be enough. Right, Tammy?”

“Yes. We could never leave you, sweetheart. We adore you” she said kissing your shoulder

You offered them a small smile.

“Y/N, I know how it was with your family, but now it’s different. We’re not like them. We’ll never let you down”

You nodded nuzzling up to Ally and taking Tammy’s hand pulling her closer to you.

“You need to talk to us when something happens, okay?”

You nodded.

“Use your words, honey”

“Okay. I’m sorry”

“No, no, no. Enough with apologising. It’s okay. Just please, talk to us, because if we don’t know something is wrong, we can’t make it better”

“Okay. I promise I’ll talk to you”

“Good”

“Can we stay here like that a bit longer?” you asked shyly

“Of course, baby” Tammy answered smiling at Ally, who kissed your forehead

As they held you, you thought of how you met. When you first met them you never thought that you’d find yourself lying in their arms. You never thought that you’d ever find someone, who would want you, who would love you the way you loved them. But you did. You found them - two amazing women, who were ready to do absolutely everything for you.

They proved that you weren’t beyond repair, as their fixed your heart with their love. They pacified your demons and made you mind calm. You knew that you would last together and it felt amazing. And just then, as they held you, you knew you found the cure that you needed.

Tag list:

@midnight-lestrange​, @natasha-danvers​, @stopkillinglilyrabe​

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged :)  

[westallenfun]

A Most Unexpected Love, Chapter 7

WestAllen secret santa gift  

From: @jade4813

For: @sophisticatedloserchick

Author Notes: For the lovely @sophisticatedloserchick from @jade4813! Merry Christmas, and I hope you like my first fic after a long hiatus!

Title: A Most Unexpected Love

Rating: PG

Synopsis: Iris has loved Eddie Thawne Allen her entire life. When she returns home just before Christmas, it looks like she might finally have a chance to catch his eye…unless an accident puts his older brother, Barry, directly in her path. Story inspired by Sabrina (with some quotes lifted more or less directly from the source material).

Chapters: 7/7

Chapter Seven

Barry was bone tired when he let himself into the house later that evening. It was Christmas Eve, a time to spend with family, and he should have returned hours earlier. Of course, every time he reminded himself of that fact, he’d found an excuse to linger, though he didn’t know which he was trying to avoid more – having to bear witness to Iris’s happiness with Eddie, or the knowledge that she would soon leave him.

His shoulders slumped with exhaustion and defeat, he hung his coat in the closet and put his wallet and keys on the table by the door. Then he loosened his tie with a vicious yank and began the long trudge to his room. Twenty-four hours. He wouldn’t be able to lose himself in work on Christmas Day as he had all afternoon, but he just had to suffer the agony of his brother’s happiness and his loss for twenty-four hours.

On his way upstairs, he decided to swing by the living room, to see if Iris was there. It would undoubtedly cause him pain to see her, but he couldn’t help himself. Whatever time there was before she left, her presence would be a delicious torture he wouldn’t be able to resist.

When he stopped in the doorway to the living room, however, he was surprised to find that not only was Iris was not inside, but Eddie was. More shockingly, he was there with Patty. He might have assumed Eddie had called her over to break the news that their engagement was to be broken – Barry hadn’t been able to get in touch with her to do so – but they looked too cozy for that to be the case. She was curled against his body, his arm looped around her waist as he pressed a kiss against the side of her neck.

“Eddie? What’s – you’re here?” he blurted, stumbling into the room, his gaze darting from Eddie to Patty and then back to his brother again. He almost added “with her?” but remembered the manners drilled into his head from the time he was young just in time to bite the words back.

Eddie straightened in surprise and then threw Barry a casual grin. Had Barry not been otherwise distracted by conflicting emotions of anger at the implication in the sight before him, indignation on Iris’s behalf, and perhaps a bit of relief on his own, he might have realized it was a little too casual, in fact. “Well, yeah. Patty came over earlier to talk, and we decided that we’re going to take a step back and take this slowly. So we can make sure we’re in this for the right reasons, because it’s what we want.”

“But you – where’s Iris?” Barry demanded.

Eddie looked preoccupied. “Iris? I’m not sure, but I think she might have left for Paris already. She seemed a little upset when I saw her earlier.”

He had never been so furious in his entire life. “And you don’t go with her?”

His brother snorted and shook his head. “Obviously not, since I’m standing right here. I mean, why would I?”

Eddie squeezed Patty, and she shot him a quick look before she piped in, “That’s right! Eddie told me all about how she chased after him, but when that didn’t work, she made a play for you since you were the one with the power. I guess the poor thing was disappointed that she couldn’t land an Allen brother, after all.”

“Eddie said – that’s not what happened!” Barry shot back hotly, stalking towards his brother. “Why didn’t you call me? Did you at least see her before she left? Did you talk to her?”

Eddie released Patty, blocking her with his body as he shrugged in a nonchalant manner. “Well, sure. I think I said goodbye or…something. I might have wished her luck.” He chuckled. “I’m pretty sure I told her I could do better than to accept my brother’s hand-me-downs. But I told her not to worry; you’ve always been very generous to my former lovers in the past, so I was sure she would be compensated for her trouble. Since it was you, I got her the usual diamond earrings and bracelet, but I went ahead and sprang for a matching necklace, as well. You can pay me back lat—”

He couldn’t take it anymore. Barry launched himself upon his brother, his fist connecting with Eddie’s jaw.

As the two went down, Eddie yelled victoriously, “I knew it! I knew he loved her! He just needed to admit i—urk!” His happy shout was cut off as he defended himself from his brother’s fury, the two men wrestling on the ground together.

“What is going on?” Iris’s voice from the doorway caught Barry’s attention immediately, all the fight leaving him in an instant.

Eddie scrambled to his feet, holding a hand to his newly split lip. Patty raced to his side. “Let’s go get some ice on that,” she said, taking her fiancé by the arm. As she helped him to his feet, she chided him in an urgent whisper, “I know you wanted to make him mad so he’d admit his feelings, but I didn’t realize you were going to go that far! It looked like he hit you pretty hard!”

“What can I say? He’s stubborn!” he hissed in response, pulling his hand away from his lip to check for blood. Then, as he stepped over Barry’s prostrate body on his way to the door, he glanced down and mumbled in an undertone, “And you’re welcome, big brother.” Eddie and Patty pushed past Iris and disappeared down the hall, while she walked forward to stare down at him.

Barry’s head ached from where it had slammed against the floor, and he was pretty sure his cheek would develop a pretty spectacular bruise, but he pushed himself to his feet. His hands ached to reach for her, but he didn’t dare. “You’re…you’re still here,” he mumbled sheepishly.

She lifted her eyebrows at him, crossing her arms over her chest. “Of course I’m still here. Where would I be? Paris? Alone, by the way, since Eddie is engaged to someone else?”

He flinched, betraying his anxiety by lifting one hand to run it through his hair. “Listen…about that. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she asked with feigned innocence. “For sending me away?”

His breath caught at the implication. Putting it like that sounded so sinister, when his motives had been, if not exactly pure, then at least well-intentioned. “That wasn’t what I – I thought Eddie was what you wanted?”

She nodded, her face assuming an expression of exaggerated thoughtfulness. “Oh, I see. So you’re sorry for trying to send me away without even bothering to ask if that’s what I wanted? Or asking my opinion at all?”

Well, put like that, it actually sounded worse. “Both?” he attempted gingerly. “Definitely both.” When she didn’t respond right away, he winced and admitted, “I’m sure you’re really mad at me right now, and you have every right to be.”

Iris sighed, dropping her arms. “Honestly? I was. For most of the day. But then, eventually, a few things occurred to me, and I’m not as mad as I was. But you better not do it again. Ever.”

“A few things?” he asked hopefully. “Like what?” He stepped back, moving toward the couch, and as he hoped, she followed – though she still maintained a certain amount of distance between them.

“Well, for one…it’s Christmas. And I don’t like holding grudges on Christmas,” she admitted, sitting as far from him on the couch as she could. He managed a tight smile in response to this light joke. “But also…if you want to know the truth…I’m not sure I knew what I wanted until you offered me that ticket and I realized that I – I didn’t want to leave you.”

“Really?” he breathed, feeling a spark of hope for the first time since his brother had tried to knock some sense into him with his fist. She ignored him.

“But mostly because—” Instead of finishing her thought, she seemed to change the subject. “You know, the last time I came home – before now, I mean – was for…your dad’s funeral. It was strange, because I assumed Eddie would have my complete attention that day. He was such a wreck. But the truth was…I couldn’t stop watching you. You had just lost your dad, and you spent the whole funeral worrying about everyone else. Your mom. Your guests.”

She pressed her head together, giving it a small, sad shake. “I realized you were right this morning. When you said I didn’t know you at all if I didn’t realize this was exactly the kind of thing you would do. Putting up a wall between yourself and other people…giving up something you want because you think it will make someone you love happy…that’s exactly the kind of thing you would do. That’s who you are.” For the first time since she’d entered the room, she reached for him, taking his hand in hers. “But it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to push me away.”

Tightening his hand around her own, he said, his voice thick with emotion, “I don’t want to push you away. It killed me to think I was losing you, and the only reason I could go through with it was because I thought it would make you happy. I’m – I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me? Can we start again?”

“Hm.” She made a soft sound in the back of her throat and rose, walking toward the television. After turning it on, she turned it to a station playing Christmas music. Then, whirling on him, she reached out her hand. “Your forgiven. This time.” Then her face relaxed into a soft smile. “If you’ll dance with me.”

She didn’t have to ask twice. Jumping to his feet, he pulled her into his arms, swaying back and forth as he listened to the singer softly croon, “Oh, maybe I’m crazy to suppose I’d ever be the one you chose out of the thousand invitations you receive.”

“You know, this is kind of our song,” he said unthinkingly, his lips nearly brushing against her cheek.

Iris drew back from him slightly in surprise. “It is?”

He nodded. “Yeah, it’s the song we danced to. Out in the solarium. Remember?”

She blushed her gaze dropping to his chest. “No,” she admitted, sounding slightly ashamed. “I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t notice—”

“It’s okay,” he reassured her, tucking his finger under her chin and lifting gently until she met his eyes. “It doesn’t matter; it’s in the past. What matters is you’re here with me now. I get to dance with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I don’t know how I got to be so lucky, but she actually—” He didn’t finish the thought, but he didn’t have to because he could see in her eyes that she already knew. She actually sees me.

Unable to hold back his feelings any longer, he drew her in closer, his arms tightening of their own accord around her waist. Staring deeply into her eyes, he murmured, “I love you, you know. I think I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Iris threw him a cheeky grin. “You know, I kind of suspected,” she teased. Then, growing more serious, she admitted in a whisper, “I like I’ve loved you for a long time, too. I just didn’t want to admit it. Even to myself.”

While they danced in front of the fireplace, the grandfather clock in the next room started to chime midnight, its peals echoing through the house. It was Christmas Day, and he would be spending it with the woman he loved. How had he ever gotten so lucky? He knew he didn’t deserve her, but he would spend the rest of his life trying.

As the last chime tolled, Barry pressed his lips against hers, murmuring against her mouth, “Merry Christmas, Iris.”

She lifted her arms to wrap them around his neck, pulling him back down to her when he would have pulled away to capture his lips with her own. “Merry Christmas, Barry.”

[thepandapopo]

A Step Through Time Ch 5: Promises

Synopsis:

The one where Felix is done with his younger self being a stubborn asshole and Sophie is determined to treat her fathers equally.

OR

In which Felix confronts his younger self and have a much needed chat while Sophie, who really should never be left alone, makes a not-so-great choice. Pairing: Sylvix

Chapter Index

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

If you had asked Ingrid a month ago if Felix would ever willingly allow someone, anyone, to touch him in even the most casual of ways, she would have laughed first, then immediately sent for Manuela because no one in their right mind would ever think such a thing.

So understandably, to say Ingrid is extremely shocked as she watches the older versions of Felix and Sylvain interact with each other is the understatement of the century.

“They’re disgustingly adorable in their own way,” Dorothea snickers from her seat on the dining hall bench beside her. “I don’t know whether I want to coo or puke.”

Ingrid wholeheartedly agrees.

Clearly fatherhood and marriage, or maybe it was being married to Sylvain of all people, has changed Felix – has made him more… domestic. The Felix and Sylvain of her timeline are already joined at the hip, regardless of how much they deny it, but married Felix and Sylvain are in a league of their own.

Everywhere Felix goes, Sylvain is always there beside him with the shorter man’s battle scarred hand tucked neatly into the crook of his right elbow, his left hand gently securing Felix’s own while also proudly showing off the glittery silver ring adoring his ring finger (his engagement ring, Ingrid reminds herself, as Sylvain had made very clear when he decided that the dining hall was a perfect place to scandalize the entire army with a borderline inappropriate kiss). And if little Sophie is with them, it is like an invisible thread ties them together, ensuring that he is standing no further than a hairs breadth apart from his husband with his daughter in his arms, or placing a hand on Felix’s lower back while he carries their little spitfire.

“I know that couples inevitably begin to adopt some of their partner’s characteristics and habits, but this is almost too much.” Ingrid frowns, finally bringing her forkful of food to her mouth after being frozen in place as she blatantly stares at the happy family. “It’s like Felix isn’t even Felix anymore.”

Across from her, Annette hums her assent. “It’s a bit unsettling, but it’s still really nice to see how happy they are. If you ask me, the really creepy thing is Sylvain’s stare. Have you seen it, yet? It’s like an exact copy of Felix.” Bits of buttery crust go flying from her fork as she waves it around to emphasize her point leaving Mercedes to pull out a handkerchief and mop up the stray crumbs that have found their way onto their once pristine table.

It’s true. Although Ingrid has not been on the receiving end of Felix’s (or Sylvain’s now, for that matter) deadpan glare for a long time, she has seen it directed at others – especially when it comes to anything regarding Sophie who is, clearly, extremely doted upon by her two fathers, even while they try to cajole her into finishing the rest of her vegetables.

“Sweetheart, you know you have to finish your meal first before you get your dessert.” Sylvain’s tone is low and chiding, but the softness of his expression very nearly undermines the authority of his words.

“I don’t wanna,” comes the sad whimper complete with puppy eyes and a wobbling lower lip. “It tastes yucky.”

“Aww, cut her some slack, guys!” Whatever else Balthus is about to say from across the table next to theirs is immediately swallowed back down when not only Felix, but Sylvain as well, levels him with a look so equally unamused that even Ingrid can feel the shiver run down her spine.

“Sophia Gabriella Fraldarius-Gautier. You know you cannot leave your seat until you’ve finished your plate.” Felix says, more stern than his husband sitting on the other side of Sophie, but still bordering the line of fond exasperation. With a grimace himself, Felix spears a few of the sprouts on his own fork and shovels them into his mouth.

“Papa is also eating them too, see? You can be a good girl and finish your food too, right, Princess?” Sylvain smiles affectionately but his voice is strained. It’s been the better part of an hour now that he has tried bargaining with his daughter and even the most patient of fathers has a limit. His eyes meets Felix’s briefly as an unspoken message flits between them before Felix nods stiffly and chimes in again.

“If you promise to be good and finish your vegetables for the rest of this month, we will think about letting you go see the market that is passing through town.”

Clearly, it is an effective bait and Sophie’s eyes light up like it’s Yule and her birthday all rolled into one.

“Really?!”

This is news to Ingrid. The last time Annette and Mercedes had mentioned it in passing to future Felix and Sylvain, testing the waters to see if they would be amenable to allowing them to take Sophie, it had resulted in a resounding ‘no’ and one teary child.

“This is war, Annie.” Felix had said in a no nonsense tone after a sniffling Sophia had been carted off to check out the pastries fresh from the kitchen. “She has only known a time of peace. Sophie doesn’t understand how dangerous it can be going out somewhere even as simple as a market in times of unrest.”

“But it’s not like we’d let her go by herself!” Annette argued. “We would be with her the whole time!”

“It’s not your babysitting skills that we’re worried about, Annie.” Sylvain said. His lips quirked upwards in a small smile that did little to lessen the gravity of his expression. “Sophie has a tendency to be ah, a bit of a curious child.”

Felix snorted. “Like someone I know,” he muttered under his breath.

“And so,” Sylvain continued, completely ignoring the barb from his husband even though he knows that later on in the privacy of their own room, he’ll get into how the curiosity may have come from him, but the utter fearlessness and stubborn will to do her own thing one hundred percent came from Felix. “Sophie has a bad habit of wandering off. Goddess knows she’s done it loads of times whenever Felix or I take her down to our local market. The only difference is that everyone there knows who she is and at the end of the day, nothing bad ever happens to her and she comes home with a treat or two and a pat on the head.”

“Well then, we can just hold her hand!” Mercedes says like it is the simplest solution in the world.

“We’ve tried that. We’ve tried literally everything under the sun short of actually tying her to us physically with a rope.”

“But what about-“

“No means no, Annette. We will not argue with you about this. It’s not safe.”

“But Feeelix-!”

And that was the end of that conversation. At least, until now.

But then again, Felix willingly reopening a topic he had previously considered closed is probably one of the lesser odd things that have been happening recently.

“Nuh uh, little missy. All your vegetables means all of them.” Sylvain scrapes the larger bits and pieces of vegetables dotting Sophie’s plate to the center, much to her dismay. The scraps amount to a decent pile of greens and not for the first time, Ingrid realizes just how wily and intelligent Sophie really is.

Raising a daughter with the will of Felix and the looks and intelligence of Sylvain will surely be a trial in itself, but that’s not a problem for Ingrid to worry about. Right now, she just has to worry about making herself scarce when Sylvain and Felix approach Mercie and Annie before she gets dragged into it as well.

----

“Why can’t Daddy come with us?” Sophie asks. Her eyes are wide and sad and Felix will never get used to how it makes his heart wrench. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, baby. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Sylvain crouches so that he’s eye level with his teary daughter. “Daddy has to go to an important meeting with Uncle Dima, Uncle Claude, and Auntie By. But I’ll come find you and Papa if we finish early.” Sylvain smooths back the unruly crimson curls that are already starting to come out of the half updo that Felix had put in this morning. After years of doing his daughter’s hair, Felix has resigned himself to always fixing it halfway through the day lest it becomes a true bird’s nest at night after the wild adventures to be had.

“Promise?” Her lower lip is wobbling and Felix is starting to think that perhaps Sophie is a lot more aware of her influence on others than they think she is.

“I promise, sweetheart.” Sylvain smiles at his daughter before turning his eyes to Felix, a mischievous glint shining through. “Your Papa can vouch that I never break a promise.”

The wink Sylvain throws at him is met with an eyeroll and scoff, but Felix cannot stop the small quirk of his lips. Sylvain has always come through with his promises, both to him and to their daughter. It’s one of the things that Felix loves so dearly about Sylvain after all – there is nothing in the world that he values more than the trust of his family and friends.

“Sophie, go check to make sure you’ve packed your coin purse and a snack. I need to speak with your father for a bit. I’ll meet you at the gates with Auntie Annie and Mercie, okay?”

Sophie doesn’t need to be told twice. She is already vibrating off the walls, eager to get going and visit the market that she has been dying to see. “Yes, Papa. Daddy, I hope you come soon! I’ll buy you a present, so make sure you hurry, okay?”

Felix and Sylvain both watch as their daughter scurries away, red hair flying behind her as she weaves through the mid morning crowd to join Annette and Mercedes standing at the foot of the stairs leading to the Entrance Hall. When she arrives with a hop and skip, Felix finally feels the knot that has been building in chest since that morning abate slightly.

“Hey.”

Felix jolts at the warm hand that cups his elbow. “It’s okay, Fe. She’ll be safe with you. We’re not going to lose her.”

“I know.” Felix huffs, taking a step forward so he can rest his forehead in the dip of Sylvain’s collar. “It’s just... I can’t help but worry.”

Sylvain chuckles, “I get it, Fe. She’s certainly got enough mischief in her to always keep us on our toes. I don’t think she’ll ever grow out of it, to be honest. Goddess knows I dread the day when I’m going to have to beat back suitors and stop her from sneaking out to gallivant with stable boys.”

“There will be no gallivanting with anyone. Period. I would prefer not to stab someone less than half my age.”

“Oh, but baby you look so hot when you’re all riled up and murderous.” The shiver that runs down Felix’s spine is undeniable and after a lifetime together, Sylvain would know the effect he has on his husband even if it weren’t for the hand sliding to wrap around his waist and the other reaching up to cup a smooth, pale cheek.

“Fuck you.” There’s no venom behind his words. Only the breathy whisper of comfort borne from unshakeable trust and love.

“Gladly, but alas I have a meeting to get to.” The red head lets out a full belly laugh and ignores the half-hearted smack from Felix (which still smarts, because Felix at half strength is still stupidly strong with his damn training regimen).  “Are you going to talk to your younger self today?”

The atmosphere takes on a decidedly more sombre note, but it’s a necessary topic.

Felix nods. “Yeah. Annie convinced him to come with us to the market to check out the blacksmith.”

“I’m sorry I can’t come. It would be easier if I were the one to talk to him, but…”

“It’s fine,” Felix shakes his head. “The next battle at Fort Merceus is important and you were a big part of the strategizing. You need to be there to make sure they make the right decisions.”

“Even still. Talking to your younger self about feelings is going to be like pulling teeth. I should know. I’m your very own Felix-whisperer after all.” Sylvain closes his eyes and lets his forehead drop to rest against Felix’s; his soft breath tickling the midnight bangs framing his husband’s visage. “Our younger selves need all the help they can get. Sothis… I don’t remember us being such a disaster.”

“Neither do I, and yet here we are stuck trying to convince our younger counterparts that the other is very much interested.”

“For the record,” Sylvain smirks. The hand that was previously wrapped around Felix’s waist is now slowly drifting lower. “I’d like to say that I’m still very much interested.”

“Pinch my ass in public and you’ll lose your hand.”

“Aw, Fe. You’re no fun!”

It’s the twitch of Felix’s cheek that betrays his amusement. “Tch. Insatiable.”

----

Awkward.

That’s the only way that Felix can even begin to describe the odd, tense energy that weighs down their group as they walk leisurely down the long winding roads descending from Garreg Mach.

To be fair, most of the awkwardness is in part due to Felix’s refusal to speak to his younger self, instead choosing to contentedly watch Sophie hop and skip around the flowers dotting their path. Ever since Sylvain’s decision to completely disregard time travel etiquette, the younger Felix had made himself scarce, pointedly avoiding him and his husband as if afraid that he would catch feelings simply by being around them.

Ha. That fucker was already head over heels in love no matter how much he denied it.

“Sophie, when we get to the market, will you go with Annie and Mercie while I visit the blacksmith please?” Felix says it quiet enough that it sounds like it is a private conversation, but in the silence of the forest around them, it easily carries.

Sophie blinks, confused, but acquiesces. “Okay.”

Felix smiles and pats her head. He can practically feel the suspicion and irritation rolling off his younger self in waves, but he can’t really bring himself to care.

He needs to address this issue now because Felix knows better than anyone else just how obstinate he can be, and if he’s right, there’s a very good chance that this younger version of himself will take his feeling for Sylvain with him to the grave out of pure stubbornness.

So when they finally arrive to the market, Felix doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he wants to talk to his counterpart – alone. He kneels and gives Sophie a quick hug after he makes her promise again to not wander off by herself before standing off to the side in the direction of the blacksmith, his arms crossed and waiting patiently while he watches young Felix scowl at the sheer number of people around.

A brusque nod from young Felix and suddenly they are face to face, and there is no denying the discomfort starting to roil in his gut.

Maybe he should have waited for Sylvain to talk to him after all.

“Well? Spit it out.” Despite asking Felix to talk, his younger self pushes past him roughly and begins stalking towards their destination.

“Stop being so stubborn.” Young Felix whirls around at him with a look of incredulity.

“Being ‘stubborn’?” He glowers. “I’m not being stubborn. I’m not being anything except for a pawn of fate apparently because my whole damn future has already been decided for me!”

Ah. So that is the core of the problem. “Your future hasn’t been decided. That’s the whole point of me being here – so that we can make sure that things do happen as they originally went.”

“Oh, so I’m just supposed to accept the fact that my life becomes sickeningly domestic –“ he all but spits the word out like poison, “- and I’m trapped in a life that I never wanted?”

Felix narrows his eyes. “So you’re saying you don’t want this life? You don’t want peace for Fodlan? You don’t want to actually feel happy for the first time your goddamn life since Glenn died?”

“Who the fuck are you to say whether I’m happy or not? I’m happy when I have a blade in my hand, not when I’m being carted around like a… like a stupid trophy wife!”

“First of all,” Felix is proud of how level his voice comes out despite his urge to throttle the man in front of him, “I’m you, so of course I know what you want. I lived that life already.”

He pauses for a bit and then decides to go for a different angle – one that he knows has always worked with him when Sylvain tries to talk him down from stabbing some of the more pompous nobles during trade talks.

He takes a deep breath to ground himself. “But you’re still you. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re feeling, but I can imagine because at the core of everything, I know what I used to be like back then. And I also know that no matter what timeline I exist in, there will always be one thing that remains constant.”

It’s true. There is one truth that Felix knows will span the test of time and space no matter what version of himself he is dealing with.

“…Are you ever going to tell me what it is?” Young Felix mutters angrily, breaking their brief standstill.

Marriage really has made him soft, Felix thinks as he feels the corners of his mouth curl up in a smile. He can practically hear Sylvain in his head telling him about how he probably has his ‘dopey love face’ on right now and his eyes are all ‘melted amber’. What a sentimental fool.

“I think you know.”

“Ugh,” Young Felix scowls and turns away to glare at the bucket of swords in front of the blacksmith’s stall. It’s an admission if Felix has ever heard one, and he knows that his younger self does know.

Despite what the majority of Fodlan thinks, Felix is quite capable at reading people’s emotions. He knows when people feel uncomfortable or when they might need a kind word, but for the most part, he just doesn’t care enough to coddle them because he knows it will only do them more harm than good. Which is exactly why he decides to jump straight to the truth.

“It’s okay to love him, you know.”

Young Felix freezes. The stiff set of his shoulders hunch up almost protectively and he stubbornly stays facing away from him.

“I know…” Felix swallows the lump in his throat, “I know that it’s hard to even think about letting anyone in after Glenn – how hard it is to trust someone enough and believe that they won’t just leave you like everyone else inevitably does.”

Felix touches the obsidian ring on his left hand. He spins it absently and the smooth slide of the black band against his hand grounds him.

“Mother… Glenn… and then Father…” Felix has long made his peace with his father’s death, but there is still the faintest of stings in his heart when he thinks about it. “They all left us. But Sylvain has always been there. He was there when Mother died. He stayed with us for weeks after Glenn died. And he never pitied or babied us when Father died. He was just there.”

It’s a bit hazy, most memories from the war blur together honestly, but Felix does remember the days after the battle at Gronder with crystal clarity – those few painful days after his father’s sacrifice. No matter how many times he told Sylvain to leave, no matter how he yelled at him or tried to chase him away, Sylvain stood by him, steadfast and most importantly, without judgement.

He simply let Felix be.

And that was exactly what he needed.

“He’s the biggest idiot in Fodlan, but you and I both know that Sylvain does everything in his power to care for his friends and family.” Felix says it like it like he’s stating the obvious. “He’s also irresponsible and completely reckless, and Goddess knows that moron wouldn’t sustain half of his injuries if he just trained more, but he does remember our promise. And he’s doing his best to keep it while also making sure we stay alive.”

Felix steps forward so that he’s now standing side by side with his younger self. From his peripheral vision, he can see the furrowed brow and tightly pursed lips that he knows only happens when he begrudgingly agrees.

“I know you don’t believe in a fated future. Honestly, neither do I. But if there’s one thing I can tell you for certain, it is that loving Sylvain, and being loved in return, is the best thing that will ever happen to you.” Felix allows the warmth in his chest to bloom. While that feeling may have scared him once upon a time, he’s learned to become fond of it because he knows that the only reason he can feel this way is because he has come so far and conquered all his demons along the way.

“You’re disgustingly sentimental.”

“Maybe so, but I can still kick your ass.”

Young Felix snorts, “maybe then I’d actually have a good spar for once that isn’t against the professor.”

Felix laughs quietly, the heavy weight on his chest lifting just as the tension eases out of Young Felix’s stance. The truth is out there, and at least his younger self isn’t denying things anymore, but ultimately it will be up to Young Felix to decide the path he wants to take.

Felix Fraldarius is many things, but most importantly he is not a coward, which is why despite not having verbally settled the matter with his younger self, he knows with absolute certainty that Young Felix will never turn away from Sylvain, especially not when he’s been given permission to chase that happiness that he’s longed for.

----

Sophie decides very quickly that the market is her new favourite place. Forget the kitchens and all their yummy baked treats, the marketplace has all that and more.

Everywhere she looks, there is something new to see. Stalls upon stalls are lined with various treasures and fancy looking things that no amount of tears would help escape the wrath of her fathers if, by some stroke of bad luck, she is unfortunate enough to break them.

“Auntie Mercie! Look, Balloons!”

Sophie tugs on the healer’s hands eagerly, careful not to let go and wander off though there is a tiny whisper in her heart that tempts her so. The large inflated animals sway merrily in the breeze, and with the hustle and bustle of the environment around them, it almost looks as if they are dancing with excitement.

“Oh, aren’t they adorable? Would you like one, Sophie?” Mercedes claps her hands together, looking just as delighted as Sophie feels and soon, the trio of females is making their way through the surprisingly large crowd that has gathered for this lively gathering as a reprieve from the war.

“The fox,” Sophie pulls on Mercedes’ hand even more urgently the closer they get. “I want the fox, please, Auntie Mercie!”

“What about the cat, Sophie? That’s one is pretty cute.” Annette giggles. The red headed mage ducks and peers left and right at the variety of floating animals attached to the belt of the balloon vendor. There is already a gaggle of children forming around the man as he hands ribbons off to parents in exchange for gold, and although Sophie feels like she might burst if she has to wait any longer, she knows to wait her turn for the man to address her.

“Hello there, young miss. And what can I get for you today?” When the man finally turns his kind face towards her, Sophie cannot tear her eyes away from her goal. “Perhaps a bird? Or maybe a puppy?”

Sophie’s voice comes out breathy and excited. Reaching a hand up, she points eagerly, “the fox please. Can I have the fox?”

“Of course! Why don’t you reach out your hand for me and I’ll tie it to your wrist?”

Obediently, Sophie sticks out her left arm and watches, enraptured as the white ribbon loops delicately around her wrist, loose enough that she can slip her hand out if she really wanted to, but tight enough that the balloon will not fly away. Reaching into the small coin purse attached to her hip, Sophie carefully counts out the appropriate amount and hands them over.

“Thank you!” Sophie calls out after the vendor as Annette and Mercedes begin leading her away from the throng. It’s much too crowded now, but the little Fraldarius-Gautier cannot help but feel comforted by her floating guardian. Papa did always say that her Daddy was ‘sly as a fox’ after all, and it feels like her father is there with her when she sees it.

“Do you think Daddy will like it?” Sophie mumbles shyly when they’ve walked far enough that the screams of delighted children are nothing more than a whisper in the distance.

“I’m sure Sylvain will love it!” Mercedes says sweetly. The healer looks at Sophie with a mixed expression, almost like she is trying to solve a puzzle that she can’t quite figure out, before Annette interrupts her with a gasp.

“Mercie, there’s the sweets vendor that we’ve been looking for!”

Sweets? Sweets are good. That sounds like something Sophie is definitely interested in.

“Come on,” Annette urges. She grabs Mercedes by the hand and by extension, also Sophie, who is clutching onto her other one, and she drags them with haste towards a brightly colored stall laden with pastries and sweet treats of all kinds.

The saccharine smell wafting from the baked goods makes Sophie’s mouth water, but her eyes dart from one flamboyantly decorated cupcake to another, helplessly unable to pick a favourite.

“Hey! I remember you two!” The friendly looking lady behind the counter smiles as they approach. “You ladies came by my stall the last time I was in town, didn’t you?”

Annette flushes and nods. “The sweets were so good, we just had to make a return visit and pick up some more!” Despite her embarrassment, she is already reaching out to grab a fluffy looking cream pastry that looks more like a cloud than anything else.

“I’m so glad you like them, miss. Business has slowed down recently because of the war. Not much extra money to go towards frivolous things like sweets anymore, you know?” Sophie frowns. War? What war?  “Regular patrons like you are always appreciated.”

“Oh, and look at you, you sweet little thing,” Suddenly the attention is turned towards Sophie and any lingering confusion flies out the window. “What’s your name?”

“My name is Sophie!” With her fathers’ voices in the back of her head telling her to mind her manners, Sophie flashes her brightest smile and bobs gracefully into a quick curtsey. “It’s very nice to meet you. Your sweets look so yummy!”

“They’re the best in all of Fodlan, that’s for sure!” The kind looking lady proudly puffs her chest. “Have you ever tried some, little miss? Since it’s your first time, why don’t you go pick one and I’ll let you try it on the house.”

“Really?” Sophie’s eyes round with excitement. Daddy was right – being well mannered really does bring good things!

There are so many choices to choose from that it feels a little bit overwhelming, but eventually a beautiful deep red velvet cupcake topped with a mountain of chocolate frosting and a small candied cherry catches Sophie’s eye.

She likes cherries. She likes cupcakes. That’s two in one, isn’t it? It’s a perfect deal.

“Good choice, little miss. That’s our red velvet cupcake with black forest icing. It’s one of our more popular cakes; especially with the ladies.” The sweets lady holds out the cupcake to her and Sophie quickly lets go of Mercedes’ hand to receive it.

The monstrosity of a cupcake is so large that it takes Sophie both hands to hold it, taking great pains to not drop it nor smear any icing on her dress. She still remembers the scolding Papa had given her over the grass and mud stains in her dress a couple of weeks ago and is not eager to repeat that experience.

Above, her red fox sways gently to and fro, moving every time Sophie maneuvers her hands to nibble away at equal parts frosting and icing. She has long since tuned out from the conversation between the nice sweets lady and Mercedes and Annette, instead choosing to savor and enjoy her treat while it lasts.

Sophie is halfway done her cupcake when a raucous of children shrieking with delight steals her attention back in the direction of the balloon man. There, in the middle of a cluster of children stands a rather short and odd-looking man carting around a small trolley packed with stuffed animals, and at the very bottom, shoved against a dopey looking tiger and a rather ferocious lion is a black cat stuffy, complete with slitted golden eyes stitched painstakingly above some wiry whiskers and a kitten pout.

It’s the most wonderful stuffed kitty Sophie has ever seen. She has a present for Daddy, but what about Papa? Surely Papa would also like a gift – it’s only fair since Daddy gets one, right? Right. Her fathers had always taught her to treat everyone equally, and Sophie feels like that must include her family as well.

Annette and Mercedes are still engrossed in conversation with the Sweets Lady, but now their arms are full of bags laden with goodies they are no doubt brining back to the monastery. An itch like no other claws its way up Sophie’s chest and she really, really wants to ask for permission to go see the toy merchant, but she doesn’t want to interrupt what looks to be a very lively conversation.

One quick glance back makes the anxiousness double as the man begins to move towards an intersection across the courtyard from them. If he goes any further, he will turn the corner and Sophie will lose sight of him.

The gleeful squealing of laughter is getting farther and farther away now. She really should tell Mercedes and Annette where she is going, but she’s running out of time and Sophie will be absolutely heartbroken if her Papa is sad that he did not get a gift from her as well.

It will only be for a quick minute. She isn’t going very far. All she will do is go up to the merchant and buy the cat stuffy and return back to the sweets stall in no time at all.

Right?

.

.

.

In that split second, Sophie makes a decision.

She turns back towards the bustling market square and runs.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

I'm so sorry for the delay with this chapter! I wanted to post it during my xmas holidays but I got so caught up with other things (read: sleeping) that I didn't get any writing done at all. I hope you all enjoy the chapter. Thank you again for being so patient with me and reading up until now. Things are about to get rocky so I hope you're all prepared.

The SylVix PDA thing was actually inspired by art from @emilyliuwho on twitter. You can see the post here.

If you would like to be added to a tag list, please PM me!!

Tag list: @pato-social

[sweetbunnykook]

Home is Where You Are

Mafia!JK X Former!Agent Noona 

Warning: mention of drug abuse, murder, violence, toxic relationship 

Words: 1,288 (Drabble/Oneshot)

Synopsis: Madness and love grows from the same root in the Jeon family. 

“Your dad…looks a lot like you.”

You’re not sure why you’re surprised, but you are. If Jungkook’s father did not have the wrinkles he does now, you would surely have mistaken him as your husband’s twin.

“Surprised?” Jungkook rolls over, wrapping the sheets over his bare hips as he moves to watch your fingers glide over his family photo album. The corners of the leather aged over the years but the photographs are in pristine condition, well-loved by its owner.

You fish one of the pictures out of its clear plastic slot, giggling as you look closer at Jungkook’s pregnant mother looking displeased with her arms crossed while Jeon holds his hands up in the air trying to explain something crucial, you assume.

“Well this looks familiar,” you hold the photo up to Jungkook, an amused smile playing on your lips.

“Ah, that.”

Your husband grins, taking the photo between his fingers and rolling forwards to lay his head on your lap, next to your swollen belly.

“I think that was when dad went on an overseas trip a week before I was due to come out. Mom didn’t trust any of the staff to drive her to the hospital when the time comes.”

“Why not? The staff has been there even before your dad became the head of the family.”

Jungkook smiles although the lightness didn’t reach his eyes. He shifts his weight to throw the photo back onto the leather album. “It was just an excuse for her to cling onto dad. He had a few mistresses before she got pregnant and when it gets too much, he goes away for some time.”

You stay quiet, fingers clutching the sheets at your side.

“He’s weaker than he looks.” Jungkook explains, fond for his father yet hating him all the same. “It was better for him to stay away or else he might explode and scare mom off for good. She stayed in a separate apartment for months once when he lost his temper, haven’t been the same after that.”

Your lips part. “What happened?”

Jungkook shrugs, tongue pushing through his cheeks. “I was maybe…five…six I think. Things just…piled up on top of each other. Dad became an addict, women started showing up asking for things, money wasn’t rolling in, grandpa died, mom fell in love with someone else…just…things.”

Jungkook shakes his head and looks away when you place your palm over his chest, feeling his heartbeat accelerate just thinking about how much misery there was in a house that looked like heaven to the outside world.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to pry…”

He continues. “It was mom that hurt him the most. He thought…he thought out of everyone she’d deal with all his bullshit and never complain. And then she started going out more often, shopping she says, and won’t come back until later trying to avoid dad’s tantrums. She was scared, I think, of him. She thought he was going to kill her because dad gets worse when he’s coked up. I don’t know what that guy was telling her because she was convinced he could protect her from him.”

Jungkook takes your hand in his, his large palm encasing your small fist in a blanket of warmth.

“Dad brought him in our house and killed him, right in front of me, right in front of the dining table mom was making dinner on. It was horrible…really. I had blood all over my pajamas. All I remember was her screaming…my nanny told me it was the first and only time dad hit her. She packed her bags and left the next morning when dad passed out from his coke binge. Nearly killed himself driving over to the apartment mom was staying at with me and begging for her to come back.”

Your husband exhales, weight slowly lifting off his shoulders. You didn’t know how much of it was weighing down on him, how his extreme concern for your wellbeing you roll your eyes over didn’t just appear out of thin air.

“Mom didn’t open the door for two months. Two fucking months. Every other day there were flowers on our doorsteps. Then there were diamonds, paintings she liked, clothes, handbags, toys and books for me. Every Sunday he comes and knocks on her door and doesn’t leave until morning. I mean,” Jungkook scoffs, “have you ever seen a Jeon sleep on a floor? Grandpa would roll in his grave.”

“I started to complain that I missed him for some damn reason even though he fucked me up too. He was stubborn. And she was too. She probably hated me because I looked like him and acted like him too sometimes…it was hard. Out of some miracle mom opened the door by the end of the third month and I just…remembered him hugging her so tight he could’ve broken her bones. I’ve never seen him cry either or shake so much, although that was probably more because of the coke than anything. I think…despite it all some part of her still loved him, pitied him. We were the only thing keeping him alive when the Jeon family were about to fall from the richest neighborhood in Gangnam to the slums. If that happened, we’d all be dead.”

You run your fingers through his hair.

“And then, by another miracle things got better. Money rolled in, dad stopped having affairs, even laid off on the coke often. I think…dad knew that even if he went to church everyday and became a saint she would never love him more than he loves her. He lived with that. He renovated the entire fucking dining room so she didn’t have to look at it. He gave so much money to her dead lover’s family that they’d never have to lift a finger again. Stubborn as always, mom barely took notice…well, she pretended not to. And through it all, she forgot about me. No…actually I think she wanted to forget about me because she gave birth to a Jeon and I’m going to be just like dad, a fucking addict who couldn’t prioritize family before it was too late.

You shake your head. “Jungkook, you’re not your dad. And you’ve always been good to me, even when I didn’t deserve it.”

Jungkook swallows, throat aching. “I locked you up in a freezer for two days. I almost killed you. I’m…I-”

“You did what you have to do. I was an agent, I was supposed to lock you up and take everything you loved away from you. I don’t blame you for doing what you did.”

Your husband twists his body towards you and place his hand over your stomach and protruding bellybutton, his palm moving in comforting circles. He feels a small kick, just near his wrist.

“I won’t say this twice,” Jungkook murmurs, his gaze sharp as he looks up at you. “When it comes down to it, I’ll always protect you, from everyone else, and from myself too.”

You swallow, your eyes glistening. He pulls himself up on his elbows and then lift himself up with the heel of his palms. He stays still for a moment, exhaling softly, and then reaches over to close his photo album. The leather binding comes together with a soft thud.

“Jungkook,” you place your hand on his bandaged arm. “Kook, look at me.”

He lifts his head back, his hair falling behind his ears. You’ve never seen him so vulnerable, so naked. Then, he turns his head and meets your determined eyes.

“You and me, yeah?”

He puts his hand over yours and brings it to his lips. He doesn’t smile, but you can feel it in his touch.

“You and me.”

[bytheangell]

You Can’t Keep Safe What Wants to Break - Chapter 3, Isabelle & Maryse

(AO3) (Prologue) (Chapter 1 - Magnus) (Chapter 2, Alec) (Chapter 3 - Isabelle and Maryse)

It’s a rare thing for the entirety of the Lightwood family to get together for dinner these days. Robert bounces back and forth between assisting the LA Institute in getting things back up and running after Jonathan’s attack and his usual business in Alicante, and Max primarily stays with him while continuing his training. Alec lives in Alicante despite his frequent trips back to New York to keep tabs on Izzy and Jace at the Institute. Maryse, for the most part, remains out of the Shadow World entirely, though she gets enough news from her children and Luke to stay in the loop.

Izzy knows something’s up the moment Jace tells her he needs to talk to everyone at the same time, but no amount of prodding will get him to tell her why. Even Alec is acting oddly closed off, and normally she can bat her eyelashes and use her little sister charms on him no problem! Not this time. Alec starts actively avoiding her for the three days between Jace saying they’re all getting together and when they’re actually all free to meet, going so far as to reschedule a planned trip to the Institute even though he swears it’s just a scheduling conflict and not because he’s avoiding her.

She knows him well enough to know he’s lying, and she knows Jace well enough to know that he’s keeping something from her.

“Jace, should I be worried,” Izzy asks him the day before the dinner. “You know how mom and dad get when they’re in the same building as each other, is it really a good idea to make them have an entire dinner together?”

“I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t important, Iz,” Jace promises, and she can tell from the look on his face that he means it. This is important. This is serious, whatever it is.

“So important you can’t just tell me now, while I’m here?” Izzy challenges, an eyebrow raised. She doesn’t like the feeling of being kept out of the loop, and she’s anxious that whatever he has to announce at this dinner is something she doesn’t want to get surprised by. “You told Alec,” she adds as if this should automatically mean she should be in the know, too. “And don’t say you didn’t, because he’s been acting weird all week.”

Izzy waits in tense anticipation while Jace considers. She debates pushing it, really laying into the ‘you trust Alec more than me’ angle, but she thinks twice about it and decides not to in the end.

“I need somewhere private. Your room’s closer,” he relents, nodding in the direction of her room down one of the side halls and starting off without waiting for her to respond.

Izzy smirks to herself as she follows quickly, the sound of her heels quickly catching up to the thud of Jace’s boots down the long hallways of the Institute’s residential wings.

Once they’re inside her room Izzy remains patiently quiet and still while Jace takes a few moments to pace back and forth, looking at her then looking away again, before he works himself up to speak.

“I’m leaving,” he says finally. “To be with Clary.”

Izzy’s immediate reaction is joy, because what else could it be to know that Jace and Clary might get their happy ending! She’s thrilled to know that he wants to be with her even if she can’t be with them, and--

--and she can’t be with them.

Izzy’s thoughts come scratching to a halt in her head, happiness quickly shifting to disbelief. Clary can’t be here at the Institute, and she can’t be part of the Shadow World, which means if Jace is going to be with her then he can’t, either.

“You can’t,” Izzy says. “You can’t leave. We’ll figure something out. Look at all the laws Alec is working to change. He can change those rules, too, I know he can.” She’s not particularly proud of the immediately desperate tone her words take on at the realization but there’s no helping it, because desperate is exactly how she feels. Desperate to convince Jace this is a mistake, desperate to convince him to stay.

“And maybe if he does, then I can come back. We both could. But until then I don’t want to lose the next, what? Year? Two? Ten? Who knows how long that would take. Especially living this life, where I’m more likely to die on a mission before the Council changes their ruling,” Jace points out.

If that was meant to be reassuring regarding his decision it has the opposite effect. Izzy shakes her head from side to side repeatedly, like maybe if she can say no enough times she can will it into being true. She can’t accept this. She won’t. She knows she’s being stubborn but she refuses to even humor the small part of her mind that gets it on some level, already forgetting that little bit of her that immediately wanted to be happy for Jace.

“No. This isn’t something you can just… just do! You're not the sort of person who abandons their family,” Izzy snaps.

“Iz, I’m not abandoning anyone.” Jace looks tired already but Izzy doesn’t care. She isn’t about to let this go.

“Yes, you are! That’s what this is. You’re walking away from us. From me. Three go in, three come out, remember? I need you. I need you here, not off with Clary in the mundane world. We all need you here. You’re our best fighter, and with Alec in Alicante, Dad and Max in LA, and Mom exiled you’re…” Izzy’s voice softens and it takes everything in her to push the last part of this sentence out. “You’re the only family I have left here.”

Her voice breaks against her will, soft and pleading in a way she so rarely allows herself to be. She knows the words hit home because Jace’s eyes shine for just a second, full of emotion in a way he so rarely allows himself to be. They connect in that moment, deeper than they probably have in months, maybe even years. She feels a spark of hope that maybe she tugged on his heartstrings just enough for him to reconsider.

That hope is dashed abruptly with his next words.

“I’m sorry, Iz,” he says. “I’m so sorry.”

It isn’t what she wants to hear. Jace reaches out to pull her into a hug, his arms outstretched, moving slowly enough that she has time to take a step back. She does. Jace’s arms fall to his sides and he looks dejected. That exhaustion seeps back into his features.

“No,” Izzy shakes her head, taking another step backward. “No, you don’t get to apologize like you don’t have a choice. Because you do. You’re just not choosing us.”

With those parting words, Izzy turns and storms out of her room, leaving Jace behind. She isn’t sure where she’s going, she just hopes he doesn’t follow before she says anything else in her shock and anger that she might regret later. She needs to cool off. She needs to think.

Izzy takes her whip and makes sure her stele is in her pocket, then heads out into the night. Thankfully, Jace doesn’t follow her. She only makes it a few blocks into the city before turning the corner into an alleyway and leaning back against the wall, sliding down to pull her knees up to her chest. She’s in no condition to be out trying to fight anything, no matter how badly she needs the distraction.

When she gets a fire message the next morning saying he hopes she’ll come to the family dinner to hear him out properly she decides that she should - not to hear him out, but to back up her parents when they inevitably make the same points she made.

Maybe together they can get him to change his mind.

---

Maryse would have to be a fool to not know that something is up, but she welcomes everyone into her home - Robert included, though a bit more grudgingly than the others - without immediate question. The last to arrive is Isabelle, and once she’s there Jace asks if everyone could get together in the living room.

“I’m not going to beat around the bush,” Jace begins.

Maryse watches Jace closely - it isn’t often that she sees him this nervous about anything, let alone something as seemingly simple as talking to his family. She’s witnessed him address groups of Shadowhunters, speak with Clave officials, even step in as a representative during several tense Downworlder negotiations. But here, looking at the room full of family, she can see the uncertainty he’s trying so desperately to hide.

“I submitted an official request to be deruned this morning,” Jace says. “I’m leaving to be with Clary. This isn’t up for debate, no one is going to talk me out of it. I’ve taken every single detail into consideration and it isn’t a decision I make lightly. I hope… I can only hope you don’t resent me too much for it. You took me in and cared for me when no one else would. You’re… you’re my family. All of you. And I may be forced to walk away from the Nephilim but I’m not leaving you, not if I can help it.”

He turns his gaze hopefully in her direction and Maryse takes a moment to blink away the tears in her eyes she can’t quite keep away. She can’t help the reaction, not when her thoughts drift to her own de-runing, a decision made for her that she never would’ve chosen for herself in a million years. She thinks of the pain, of the social stigma, of the immense sense of loss she felt - and still feels, if she’s being honest with herself.

It isn’t something she’d wish on her worst enemies, and here’s the boy she raised as her own son, choosing this difficult path. It’s not the better life a mother wishes for her child, certainly not the one she wants for him. It hurts to imagine him suffering the way she suffered.

“You didn’t abandon us when you were deruned. So I know I don’t have to, either. I can make this work just like you did,” Jace says.

“Oh, Jace,” Maryse sniffles slightly, keeping the majority of her composure. “I kept a lot from you kids when that happened to me. I know I seemed fine, but…”

Jace nods. “I know. I know it isn’t going to be easy.”

You don’t, Maryse thinks. You have no idea, you sweet, sweet boy. But she doesn’t get the chance to say it before Robert cuts in, scoffing.

“Our numbers are lower than ever and you’re walking away from your duty? You’re a Herondale, the last of your bloodline. You have a legacy to uphold, and you’re just going to throw that all away? And all for some girl who, quite honestly, has caused us all more trouble than she’s worth?! This doesn’t sound like the boy I took in and raised as my own.”

Maryse hears the slight intake of breath beside her from Alec, chancing a glance at her eldest to see his hands clenched tightly at his sides. He isn’t stepping in to say anything, not yet, but Maryse knows that’s a courtesy he’ll only allow for so long before he goes off on Robert.

“Don’t give me that look,” Robert says with an eye-roll at Maryse’s surprised expression. “Coddling him isn’t going to do any good right now - he needs tough love.” Robert turns back to Jace. “You need someone to tell you what a mistake this is before you can’t take it back.”

“Tell him he’ll regret it,” Robert says, shifting to face her now. “Tell him how much you miss being a Shadowhunter, Maryse.”

Maryse rubs her hands over her arms, thinking of the runes that used to be there.

Of course, she misses the Institute. She misses the action and excitement of the only life she’s ever known… but she’s happy here, too. She doesn’t know if she’s happier than she would be as a Shadowhunter, but she’s still happy.

And it’s that knowledge, that hope that Jace could still find happiness outside the life of the Nephilim, that makes this news a little easier for her to digest the longer she has to sit with it. Nephilim spend their entire lives training to fight, raising their children to be soldiers first and foremost, and emphasizing that duty and tradition are the most important things. More important than love, or happiness, or personal choice. She looks at where that got her, looks at where it nearly got Alec and knows that she can’t sit here and endorse blindly following this idea of bloodlines and destiny if it isn’t what Jace wants to do.

“It isn’t my decision to make,” Maryse says, trying to sound calm and neutral. “Nor is it yours, Robert.”

“What?!” Maryse expects the outburst over her words to come from Robert and is surprised to hear it from Isabelle instead. “First Alec, now you? Dad and I can’t be the only ones in this family who care that Jace is throwing his entire future away!”

It’s obvious that Isabelle expected Maryse to agree with Robert. She almost had, if she didn’t stop to question her instinctive reaction.

“When you’re the only one on dad’s side maybe it’s time to recalculate,” Alec mutters, just loud enough for Maryse and Isabelle to hear. Maryse watches Isabelle bristle at the words as she turns to her daughter.

“Do you think my future was thrown away?” Maryse asks her daughter. “That my life is meaningless now?” There’s no malice there, no accusation. She won’t even be mad if Izzy says that she does - after all, it’d be more of a reflection on Maryse and the rhetoric she bought into and fed to her children for most of their lives.

Izzy falters and doesn’t respond. Silence fills the room in the absence of her reply, with Robert now silently fuming to the side. To everyone’s surprise, it’s Max who breaks the silence. In the immediate aftermath of Jace’s announcement, she’d nearly forgotten he was there at all, sitting quietly in the corner until now.

“You’ll still come to visit, won’t you?” Max asks quietly.

“You might have to come to me,” Jace admits, crossing over to kneel down in front of Max, taking his hands and giving them a little squeeze. “But yeah. We’ll still see each other. And I can still help you with your studies, and training. Just… not in Idris. Or at the Institute.”

Max considers that, then nods. “Like I visit mom for dinner, and sometimes she helps me with my runes!” Jace smiles. “Yes. Just like that. This isn’t anything we haven’t adapted to before, which is why I’m not sure why some of us are acting like it’s the end of the world.“

Jace stands up again before turning to divert his attention away from Max again, giving Isabelle a particularly pointed look.

There’s a long silence before anyone speaks again, and it’s Izzy who finally breaks the silence. Her voice is soft and she pauses after opening her mouth, as if reconsidering saying anything at all, before continuing.

“Because it isn’t the same. It isn’t the same and you know it. Mom’s de-runing was a punishment. She didn’t want it, and she never would’ve chosen to go willingly. But you…”

‘You’re choosing to go’ hangs unspoken in the air between the family.

“Mom didn’t go anywhere, and neither will I. I promise.” Jace follows his words with a heavy sigh.

“I get it if you hate me for this. I guess I should be thankful any of you are willing to accept my decision, but I guess I let myself get my hopes up because I really thought I’d have more support. All this talk about family and duty, except for when it comes to supporting your own, right?” Jace sighs again. He looks so much older than his years should allow, with a weight on his shoulders no one should have to carry.

Alec walks over and grabs one of Jace’s hands, giving it a squeeze. It’s the first thing he’s done since Jace started talking and everyone else said their piece. Isabelle said Alec already supported Jace, which means they already had this conversation before tonight. What Maryse wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall for that talk. She never had a Parabatai so she can only imagine what they must be feeling.

“You got me,” Alec reassures him. “Naught but death, brother.”

The reference to their parabatai oath tugs at Maryse’s heartstrings. She’s glad that the two of them have each other, and relieved to see that no matter what may have transpired when Jace first approached Alec, Alec seems to be genuine about supporting him through this. It warms her to see that same unwavering trust and support they had from day one.

“This whole thing is ridiculous,” Robert huffs, grabbing Max by the wrist. “We can talk about this when you’re thinking clearly.”

No one stops Robert from leaving or Isabelle from following shortly after.

“Thanks anyway,” Jace tells Alec, giving him a clap on the back.

“That could’ve gone worse,” Alec points out, shooting a hesitant glance between Jace and Maryse that she pretends not to notice. Jace just gives a quick nod, a silent exchange that ends with Alec apologizing for not staying and excusing himself to go check on Isabelle.

Jace stays back after everyone leaves, and Maryse doesn’t push him to speak.

“I appreciate what you did back there,” Jace says. “I don’t know if you really believe I can do this, or if you were just saying all that to annoy Robert, but either way… thanks.”

“Of course you can do this,” Maryse tells him. “Ever since the first day you stepped through the doors of the Institute there hasn’t been a single thing you set your mind to that you didn’t accomplish.”

Now it’s her turn to hesitate, suddenly wishing the others were still around for a distraction or two before she dives into what’s on her mind.

“I have to tell you… when I got deruned it was awful. I don’t want to downplay it, Jace - it was traumatizing.” Her voice is quiet when she says it, a whispered secret she planned on covering up and taking to her grave before tonight. “I’m not telling you to scare you. I’m telling you because I did everything I could to pretend it wasn’t for the sake of you kids, but if I let you walk into it thinking you’d come out fine on the other end then I’d never forgive myself.”

Maryse shudders at the memory of it, at the knowledge of the nights she wakes up screaming over phantom pains from nightmares, or the times when her longing for that thrum of angelic power that comes with activating a rune drives her to tears or leaves her feeling like an alien in her own skin.

“I’ll tell you, if you want. I’ll be completely honest. You deserve that much because no amount of warning will really be enough, but it’s better than nothing. If you’re really, truly set on this,” she adds.

“I am. Maybe not tonight, but yeah, I might take you up on that.”

“They probably won’t let me be there when you do it,” Maryse says. “You know I would if I could.”

Jace nods. “I know. And thank you, for not siding with Robert. Even if you don’t agree with my decision, you don’t know how much it means that you let me do this.”

“I’m not letting you do anything, Jace. You’re an adult now, and your decisions are your own. I wouldn’t choose this life for you, but I can’t stop you from choosing it for yourself. And if anyone can handle the hardships that come with it, it’s you.” Maryse pauses to blink away a few stray tears. “You’ve always been headstrong, but you’re a good person, Jace. Nothing’s ever stopped you from getting exactly what you wanted in the past, and this isn’t going to be any different.”

As she talks she walks over to wrap her arms around Jace, holding him tight and speaking the last few words into the side of his neck.

“I believe in you.”

She understands Isabelle and Robert’s reactions, but she also understands that Jace is going to do this with or without their support. What Jace needs is for someone to believe in him, and if nothing else, she can give him that much.

[roachmattea]

dawn jolly snippet!!

(Holly’s pov)

putting a cut because it’s mildly long and i don’t want to clutter up anyone’s dash!!!

With my back pressed against the brick wall in the dark alleyway and dark-wolf (Alisha’s wolves) bites on my shoulder, side, and legs, my only thought is, I kinda want a frozen lemonade right now.

I grimace. I stuff my hands into my jacket pockets-looking for some kind of healing juice or something--and find a small white card. It’s stained with blood (mine), but I can still read the address, and the message scrawled to the side: 2 hour date truce! -j.p.

I run through a map of the city in my mind. The closest entrance to my kingdom is 10 blocks away. The address is only one.

Well, I think. what do I have to lose? 

I make my way to J.P Ross’s house, or evil headquarters, or whatever. Anything is better than a dark alleyway splattered with wolf-and-dawn-queen blood. 

When I find the small house tucked into an unassuming suburban neighbourhood, I'm a little surprised. For a second I wonder: What if he wrote down the wrong address, and I show up, covered in blood, and a hand aglow so I can see (the streetlights are broken), on the doorstep of a random middle class family?

I shake my head. This is J.P Ross, criminal mastermind. He knows his own address. 

I knock twice with a glowing fist. 

The door opens, and he stands in the doorway, brown hair mussed, shirt unbuttoned at the collar, holding a glass of wine. His eyes widen when he sees me, bloody and shivering, on his doorstep. 

He seems at a loss for words, but puts his wine glass down, and touches the bite on my shoulder. “...Holly Dawn?”

I can barely stand. I need to make him understand, to make him not kill me on the spot. I hold out the blood-stained white truce card. “I didn’t know where else to go.” 

And then I collapse into the arms of my worst enemy. 

~

When I wake, it’s by a fire, with a quilt around me, and a dull pain in my head. “...J.P?”

He is sitting beside me on a couch, dabbing at the wound on my shoulder. “Hello, Your Highness.” His smirk reminds me of Ryan’s when he teases Miranda. 

I shake my head. It’s a mistake. Fuzzy spots cloud my vision. I turn to J.P.

“What did you give me? Some sort of sedative drug?”

“Nope. It’s just the Livis’s bites. They weaken Xonarians, especially Tallion’s. It’s a wonder you made it all the way here without passing out. How far away were you? Why didn’t you call your friends or something?”

I try to reach into my pocket, realizing I don't have my jacket on anymore. J.P seems to notice what I’m looking for, and holds up my jacket. 

“Check the pockets,” I say.

He reaches into the left pocket, and pulls out my phone. The screen is shattered, and there’s a bullet hole clean through the middle (the MTT had killed a few of the wolves; I'd gotten caught in the crossfire.) He mouths, Oh.

I roll my eyes, and mouth back Yeah.

He smirks again. I have an uncontrollable urge to smack him, and I feel like I understand Miranda a little better now. He looks too annoying, smirking like that. And too cute. 

What am I talking about? 

J.P puts my broken phone on the coffee table. “You can have some screen time if you want,” 

I really am about to smack him now, but a loud whistling noise stops me.

 “J.P!” a voice yells from upstairs. J.P and I both tense. It’s Silentina, J.P’s niece. “That’s the kettle! Can you make me some lemon tea?”

“Uh, yeah! Just a second!” He turns to me, and his face is panicked. 

“Can you stand?” he whispers. “No!” I whisper back. 

“J.P?” Silentina calls. “Everything okay?”

“Fine!”

Without warning, he picks me up bridal-style, and when I squeak - out of pain and surprise - he presses a finger to my lips.

“She can’t know you’re here,” he murmured. I nodded, eyes wide. “Good.” 

He carries me to a bland bedroom and places me gently on the bed. “Not a sound,” He reminds me. 

I nod as he closes the door and heads back to make Silentina her tea.

I sit up on the bed and wince. My back is sore from sitting for so long. I want to turn some lights on, but that would alert Silentina of my presence. So I settled for curling my hands into a cup, and letting a small glimmer of gold bounce around in my hand. 

J.P didn’t kill me when I was unconscious in his home. I, the hero, his enemy, had come to him, and basically begged him to help me. And he did.

What a strange villain. 

Maybe he’s not your villain, a little voice whispers in my mind. I tell it to shut up. The voice sounds a lot like Miranda. 

“You’re going out?” That’s J.P’s voice from the kitchen. I squeeze my hand, and listen. 

“Yup.” That’s Silentina. “Going to be a teenager for a bit. Maybe see a movie. You don’t mind if I take a break from building, do you?” Building what? 

“No, not at all. Have fun.”

“Mm, now I'm going to try as hard as I can not to.”

I can practically hear J.P rolling his eyes. “Okay, great to know. Bye!”

“Bye!”

I hear footsteps, and then the doorknob clicks, and J.P enters the room he put me in.

“Light,” he commands, and for a second i think he’s talking to me, and it’s a nickname or something, but no, he’s talking to the room.  

Beautiful, golden light floods the gloomy room, and hundreds of systems come to life; projections, holograms, you name it. 

I push my hand through a hologram of the Hex logo. It dawns (ha ha) on me. 

“This is your room.”

“Yeah. So?”

“That’s...kinda weird.”

“Why?”

“Um...I’m your greatest enemy-”

He cuts me off. “Actually, i think my greatest enemy is the cashier at Tim Hortons who gave me a raspberry frozen lemonade instead of the original.”

“What’s Tim Hortons?”

He stares at me incredulously. “You know all those frozen lemonades I bring you every time we fight?”

He mentioned our...rivalry so casually. I find it hard to speak. “Yeah.” 

“Those are from Tim Hortons.”

The answer doesn’t satisfy me, but I don't push. 

He sits on his bed next to me. He smells like lemons. 

“Wanna watch a movie?”

I’m not sure I heard him correctly. “You...and me...watching a movie? In your house?”

He shrugs. “With your wounds, you won’t be able to move on your own until tomorrow.”

I sit up suddenly, and regret it when a sharp stab of pain brings tears to my eyes. “Tomorrow?”

“Mmhm.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish I was.”

I slump backwards. J.P presses a button, and a TV rises out of a table. “What do you wanna watch?”

~

J.P and I are about 15 minutes into (insert disney movie here), when I decide to lean my head against his shoulder and wrap my outside arm around his torso. He stiffens as I touch him, but relaxes soon after. 

“Holly,” J.P asked hesitantly. “Do you think that we...that our people...could ever live like this?” he motions to me and him, curled beside each other, watching a movie, bathed in a soft golden glow. 

I tilt my head to look into his eyes. “Like...in peace?” I ask. 

He nods.

I sigh. “I don’t know.”

He nods again, as if he expected that answer. We lie in silence for the rest of the movie, occasionally debating certain plot points, and screaming “Movie logic!” at the screen whenever something cliche happened (i.e: characters running (making an escape, usually), only to realize that the ground ends in a cliff, and the characters almost slip and fall, but don’t, and a few rocks tumble down the cliff).

When the movie ends, I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here with J.P and talk about whether it was realistic when (movie plot point insert).

But I can’t.

And he knows it. 

He leaves me to sleep in his room, and turns out the lights before I can even say goodnight. 

I blink in the darkness. J.P’s words are stuck in my head. My stubborn brain repeats them over, and over, even (and especially) when I scream at myself to stop.

Could we ever live in peace?

I had answered him truthfully, I think. I don’t know.

But my mind seemed to know what I wanted. I had always been an active daydreamer, after all. My dad said it was one of my best qualities.

It is your greatest strength, Holly. To see things that other people don’t. I can see his face, as he tucks my grown-out bangs out of my face. The memory was from years ago. I could smell the sea in his hair and on his skin, and heard his laugh when he picked me up and spun me around. Possibilities. Not everyone can find the dove in a sea of ravens. Hope and peace, in a world of death and destruction. You can. I know you can, my little sunrise.

I let myself imagine a perfect world. Where the Hex and Dawn work together, in peace. J.P and I would lead them, and we could go back home. To Xonar.

I fall asleep to dreams of doves and ravens. 

tagging the tflc gang hope i’m not bothering you oop

@enbies-and-felonies @that-aro-asshat @clearlykeefitz @duchessmb @book-limerence @silver-snow @pencil-is-my-sword @alienlamp @cozy-the-overlord @ademonwithinternet @linhamon-roll

[allycryz]

WOL Challenge #4: Outrage

[Prompt List Here]

[Filled Prompt List Here]

Haurchefant-focused so not entering/tagging, spoilers for HW and start of ShB

Pairings:  Mild Estinien x Haurchefant, Background Haurchefant x Nerys and Haurchefant x Urianger

Rating: G

Summary: Snapshots in Haurchefant’s journey from Knight to Emissary 

Mild warnings for other knights taunting him over his parentage

"Next time, I shall fetch our drinks." Haurchefant says, watching Aymeric's slow progress across the floor. Each time he is about to break free and return to their table, someone else hails him. And he cannot help but exchange pleasantries. Darling, infuriating man.

"You are as bad as he," Estinien mutters. "Worse even, because you might abandon us for a pretty smile."

"I would never abandon my friends so!" Haurchefant wears mock indignation to cover his actual indignation. He would never be so rude.

He would at least deliver the drinks before being led away by the pretty smile. 

"Politicians both of you," Estinien says. "I do not understand how you know all these people."

"Me? Perish the thought." Haurchefant waves a hand. "I am simply interested in everyone. That is different."

"Hm." Estinien continues to glower. Irritated that of the two friends he has allowed himself to make, one has abandoned them. Haurchefant has tried to remedy that but Estinien is resistant to more connections. Stubborn, darling man.

"Really," he continues. "Give me a blade and shield over politicking. Besides, they are subject to all sorts of scrutiny and I have had enough of that, thank you."

"Fair. You would not like being so circumspect."

"One of these days..." Haurchefant grins. "You are going to learn how not to insult people so often."

"What? How was that an insult?"

"I’m not offended so never you mind. Is the scrutiny why you haven't seduced Aymeric yet?"

At that, the tips of Estinien's ears turn red. "Never you mind that. It is as likely as you becoming a politician."

"On that you are utterly wrong." Haurchefant shakes his head. "He will end up in your bed by year's end but I will always be a knight."

--

The day he becomes a true knight is the day he swears himself to Ishgard, before Blessed Halone, before the other knights and nobility and his family. To serve his country and The Fury for the rest of his life. To uphold the laws of Ishgard. To protect the weak and defenseless. To serve the Fury’s chosen including the Archbishop and the servants of her church.

For all that they are men now, for all that they all took the same vows, for all that they squired and trained and rose up together; the knights of noble birth treat him as they always have.

“Edmont Oathbreaker,” says one of the Dzemael lordlings. He speaks to three other knights but pitches his voice to be heard across the barracks. “Swore to forsake all others when he took his lady. That lasted until they hired a maid prettier than the Countess.”

Haurchefant continues polishing his armor, keeping the same bland smile upon his face. If he reacts, they will narrow in like wolves scenting blood. And not since he was a boy has he responded to these taunts with fists.

It was this one’s cousin. He thinks, glancing at the lordling with his placid expression. Haurchefant had bloodied Grinnaux’s nose and his father had made him swear never to react so again. But one small victory–Grinnaux treated him with a begrudging respect thereafter.

“Someone should cut his tongue out,” Estinien growls. “And my new dagger needs testing.”

“Peace,” says Haurchefant. “Believe me, I have heard far, far worse.”

“That does not make it right.” And he rises with clear intent in his gaze. Haurchefant clasps his wrist, shaking his head.

“My friend, I am glad to have your loyalty. Will you do me the favor of standing down?”

Estinien looks at him a long moment before sitting down. “Bah! Only nobies care which side of the bed you were born on.”

Darling, fierce man. “I am, despite everything, a noble as well.”

“I don’t hold it against you.” Estinien says in the deadpan way he favors for jokes. And before Haurchefant can laugh, he adds. “You’re twice the knight he is.”

Haurchefant swallows the sudden burst of emotion that forms in his throat. His friend is not given to flattery or platitudes. “That...means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

Estinien grunts and returns to his own armor. This time, Haurchefant’s smile is true and genuine. He will do his best to be worthy of such praise. 

--

Artoirel flicks him an acknowledging glance before returning to his papers, writing something in his perfect hand. Of the three sons, he is the only one who takes after their father in neat penmanship. 

Standing at attention is still a trial. Who knew the body was so interconnected–that the acts of walking and standing could hurt while your shoulder healed? He has been through far worse pain and manages but...would that he could stand without discomfort.

“Emmanellain acquit himself well at the Melee.” Artoirel says at last, looking up. “Please, have a seat.”

Haurchefant nods and tries not to show his relief as he sits. “He did. I’m quite proud of him.”

“So am I.” A rare, soft expression crosses Artoirel’s face. Haurchefant often misses the cheerful, mischievous older brother who collected beetles and smuggled him toys. It is nice to see him again. “And...I had a notion. But I would like your approval first.”

“My approval? Would you like him to serve under my command then?” If he even can command any time in the next few months. Ser Zephirin’s lance was no common weapon, thus the healing takes an uncommon amount of time.

“Ah.” Artoirel sits up straighter. “That is the thing. It hasn’t escaped my notice that you would like to join up with Mistre-with Nerys. And it occurs to me...Emmanellain needs purpose, needs structure.”

He connects the lines and it is at once terrifying, exciting, infuriating, and thrilling. What can he even say to such a proposal? Words fail him.

“Of course, we would have a long talk with Corentiaux about it. I’ve no doubt he would be the true leader until Emmanellain caught up to speed. And there is the matter of your vows.”

“My vows?” Haurchefant repeats. “...you’re right. I swore myself to Ishgard and The Fury. No, as much as I desire to fight at her side, I cannot break my word to join the Scions. Especially not now.”

Haurchefant is all too aware of the fraught threads connecting everyone and everything. He has to navigate them as Commander, as a noble, as one of the famous bastards of Ishgard. And now–as he watches his country rebuild itself–the networks of Ishgardian alliances and feuds resemble powder kegs more than anything.  

Looking up, he continues. “I cannot ask to be released from my vows. Not when Aymeric has just been elected Speaker. We know I support him but we also know some might twist it around. ‘Look, even Greystone thinks the new Ishgard will fail. No wonder he is leaving.’”

“I know. That’s why I have an idea.”

“...Go on.”

Out comes an official document, marked with Artoirel’s own signet ring. Haurchefant reads it over once. Frowns and reads it again. This is...wholly unexpected. 

“Is this a promotion or a demotion?” 

“Call it a promotion.”

A promotion. From Lord Commander to House Fortemps Emissary to the Scions of the Seventh Dawn. Charged with protecting the interests of the Wards of House Fortemps; overseeing all negotiations between the Scions of the Seventh Dawn and House Fortemps; strengthening inter-Alliance relationships between Ishgard and the rest of Eorzea.

“Oh Fury,” he says. “You’re turning me into a politician.”

When Estinien comes back, he will never let Haurchefant live this down.

--

The Ostall Imperative feels like home. 

 The soldiers take to him and he to them. Captain Lyna is a charming, lovely woman and an excellent training partner. It is far more rewarding than stewing at the Crystarium. Hoping the Exarch brings Nerys soon but also hoping he does not. Would that he had a fraction of her power. Haurchefant might deal with these Lightwardens in her stead.

The Exarch summons him to The Ocular and he dares not hope for...anything, truly. Better to go in with no expectations with this one. He thinks Y’shtola had the right idea, departing as she did.

He is being unkind. He does not like being unkind. 

But he also does not like the idea of these souls in peril–Y’shtola, Thancred, his beloved Urianger–and that he may not see Nerys again. Or that he will, only to send her against horrific creatures of light and terror. And what of her soul? 

When he sees that it’s Alphinaud, he is beyond unkind. He is furious. 

Everything else was bad enough but this is a boy, his family’s ward. One who has wisdom beyond his years and responsibilities equal to those twice his age but still. Alphinaud is just a lad. What if something happens to his soul?

His body may still be in Garlemald!

Haurchefant hugs him fiercely, startling him. Alphinaud makes a faintly strangled noise before returning the embrace. More tightly than he ever has before. Little wonder: when last they saw each other, their ship went down and Haurchefant’s soul left his body.

“You’re...you’re here? But you were…” Alphinaud shakes his head. “Maxima was supposed to bring you home.”

“He did.” He does have the Exarch to thank, for confirming his body made it back to the Rising Stones. “I am in Mor Dhona. And my soul is...here.”

“Of course. My apologies, I am still wrapping my brain about what has happened.”

“If I may interrupt,” the Exarch says. “There are a few things else you should know before we send you to a room and a meal.”

“Before that…” Haurchefant looks up. “Kindly use your powers of sight and tell us how his body fares.”

“It’s alright, friend.” It’s Alphinaud who speaks. Puts a comforting hand on his arm. “The Exarch assures me that my traveling companions are returning my body.”

“Your companions,” he repeats. “Gaius van Baelsar, you mean.”

“You know?”

“The Exarch has kept me informed since my arrival here.” It is one of the constants since his arrival a year prior–asking for updates about his friends and loves still on The Source.

“Yes, I mean Gaius. It’s alright.” Alphinaud walks over to the Exarch. “Pray, continue ser. What else should I know?”

The boy receives the same explanation they all had: what is to come, what they are planning for, where the other Scions are. Haurchefant remains quiet except to add clarifying details here and there. It is far too much for anyone to process but as usual, Alphinaud does admirably. When he is dismissed, the Exarch asks Haurchefant to stay behind.

“How may I be of service?” Haurchefant asks, not quite modulating his tone. Urianger has asked him to trust the Exarch and for him, Haurchefant would do anything. He truly would. But he pictures Alphinaud, collapsed in Garlemald among strangers, and wants to fight through time and space to reach the Source and rescue him. Laws of nature and the universe be damned.

“As I said,” the Exarch says, voice gentle. “Gaius will bring him home.”

“Keep me apprised, if you please. I do not trust the Black Wolf, no matter that he is Ascian Hunter now.” Bending his vows to topple the archbishop had not made Haurchefant love Ishgard any less. Gaius’ alliance is to the Garlean Empire until proven otherwise.

“I have need of you, Lord Haurchefant.” The Exarch inclines his head, one hand over his breast. “You have done great things with my guard. But what I need is to know what type of world we send the Warrior into. We need alliances to ease her way.”

“...Ah.” Haurchefant nods. “You do not need the Knight. You need the Emissary.”

“I need both. You are an honest man because you are a knight. And that is also why you are an excellent emissary–you see people as they are, you discern their motives in order to know if you need to protect your loved ones.”

“You flatter me, ser.”

“I tell the truth,” says the Exarch. “Please, I know this situation is fraught and you want to get home. The more we prepare, the quicker I send you all home safe and sound. She deserves-”

“She deserves everything,” says Haurchefant. “And I would do anything to help her and protect her. If that means playing this role, then yes I will do this for you.”

Beneath the hood, he sees a hint of a smile. “We are in agreement, Lord Haurchefant.”

“If I may...I would like to see to Alphinaud. Shall we discuss this another time?”

“Of course. Tomorrow morning?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Haurchefant agrees. Enough time to see to the boy. And then make his farewells to Lyna and the rest of the guard.  Being with them is the most himself he has felt in a long while.

He hopes he can return soon.

[jaehyunicecream]

𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘸 /𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 2/ 𝘩𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘫𝘪𝘯

pairing: hwang hyunjin (skz) x reader

words: 1k

genre: fluff

part 1 / part 2  / part 3

(i know minho is the one in the picture and not hyunjin, the pictures at the top go along with the chapters, that’s why it’s minho)

jisung wasn't dumb, he knew his best friend was having a hard time living alone so he decided to get her a present. 

out of everyone in the group, minnie had a special part in his heart. she was his first actual friend who never stabbed him in the back and always supported him. they've known each other for a long time so when he met chan and changbin, of course he wanted minnie to get along with them. felix and seungmin came a few months later when they started to work together, minho was the last one to join the company and jeongin joined the group thanks to seungmin. now they are a big family who always help one another and they couldn't be more grateful for that.

it wasn't rare to see the entire group of friends hanging out at a random café, at the arcade after watching a movie at the cinema, or at the beach taking pictures and having fun when the weather was nice. minnie was used to receiving weird stares from people, it has never been easy for her being part of a friend group where she was the only girl, but she loved them much. she actually prefers having guy friends instead of girls since all of her female friends left her when they realized minie's friends weren't interested in dating them. 

that's one of the reasons why she hasn't tried to talk to kang seohyeon, she's scared she's going to get too attached to her just to be left once again. well that and the fact that jisung would never approve of that friendship. nobody really knew why he didn't trust her, not even himself, all he knew was that his best friend was not going to be left alone anymore, he would never let that happen.

minnie arrived home, if you could call it home. she felt so lonely in that place since her boyfriend, park jungho, left her for another girl. jisung never approved of him either but she was so in love with the guy he stopped complaining about him. the rest of the boys got along pretty well with jungho, until he cheated on her and then left her that is. they all made a promise to always take care of her and never let anyone else break her heart but deep down they all knew that getting heartbroken is part of growing up. 

she knew she wasn't alone, she had her friends who are like family to her, but at the same time, she felt so lonely. she changed and sat down at the sofa and turned on the tv, changing the channels every now and then for what seemed like a couple of hours. when the clock said it was 6pm she decided to clean her house and get ready for the sleepover with her 7 friends.

she was surprised when felix, chan and changbin were the first ones to arrive. jisung would always be the first person waiting at minnie's door whenever they were going to have a sleepover at her her place. she didn't think much of it though. "he probably fell asleep." she thought to herself.

seungmin and jeongin arrived with a few bags of chips and popcorn that changbin decided to put in different bowls for everyone to enjoy. minnie's house looked like a party was going to be held at any moment. you could hear the music playing in the background while chan was setting up the karaoke for later.minnie and felix were chatting when the doorbell rang, a sleepy minho greeting everyone as he sat on the couch.

minnie started to get worried about jisung when her phone showed it was 7pm already. she texted him to see if he was okay and asked him when he was going to come. the second she sent her message, the doorbell rang again. when she saw  her best friend at her door, all of her worries disappeared immediately looking at his big smile. "did you miss me that much that you had to text me twice?" the boy joked with the girl. "shut up and sit down i thought something had happened to you." she said while hugging him. "oh so now you care about me wow i feel like i'm going to cry." jisung said while whipping his fake tears. "just sit down already! where were you though? did you fall asleep again?" "okay first of all, that happened once and i was sick so shut up. but no i was actually getting you a present." the young boy answered with a big smile on his face. "oh that's why the big box with the bow on top, i thought it was someone's birthday and i forgot about it." felix said while seungmin just looked at him with disbelief. "that's a big ass box for a wedding ring but you do you man." minho said. "wait! are they actually getting married?" changbin asked with a confused look on his face. "i honestly don't know who's dumber at this point." "seungmin a little bit of respect would be nice." "when they deserve it, i'll give it to them, chan." "okay can everyone just shut up for a minute, you're all so annoying." "jisung i didn't even speak!" a very offended jeongin yelled from the kitchen. "can i open the box now?!?!" minnie yelled jumping up and down. "of course, princess. there you go." "oF cOuRsE, pRiNcEsS. ugh date already you're so stub- IS THAT A CAT I WANT IT GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME NOW." minho said mocking  jisung but immediately getting distracted by the beautiful cat minnie now held in her arms. "jisung you didn't have to thank you i- i love it." "i'm glad you do, my mom told me her friend couldn't take care of her cat anymore and i know you feel a little lonely so i thought it would be a good idea to give it to you." "minnie our cats can have play dates now!" minho said getting excited. 

hours have passed and the group have watched some tv shows, played board games and sang at the karaoke chan set up for his friends. minnie's new cat has been by her side since the moment she grabbed him for the first time, she was already falling in love with him.

most of the boys were already sleeping in minnie's living room. the only ones who were still awake were chan, minho, jisung and minnie. chan and jisung were chatting in the kitchen to not wake up their friends while minho was helping minnie with her new cat. "you do know jisung loves you, right? like a lot." "yes, minho, and i love him too." "he just wants what's best for you, okay?" "why are we having this conversation? i know that and i love you all very much." "yeah i know it's just that... he's very stubborn and sometimes he does stuff that he thinks are the best for people because you know he cares a lot." "minho, is something wrong?" the concerned girl asked. "no no i just... i'm scared okay." the boy said looking down at his feet. "i don't want our friendship to end. i want our group to still be together even when we're old. i don't want anyone to mess it up." "you think jisung's going to mess it up?" "not at all. i just hope, whenever something that someone else did bothers us, we tell each other about it so the problem can be solved." "we will, okay? don't worry about that." she said, ruffling his hair. "come here big baby." minnie said while extending her arms for a hug. "you're so sensitive i keep forgetting you're older than me." they both chuckled. "minnie i forgot to tell y- oh... am i interrumpting something?" jisung asked, in a sad tone, his two friends. "oh umm no, not really. what's up?" "nothing i just forgot to tell you that the cat already has a name." "oh really? what is it?" "hyunjin."

[titriwrites]

In Sickness and in Health

First of all, thank you to @devikafernando for allowing me to use Charlie from our collab fanfics over at @titrianddevikawrite. I know you can use the distraction too, maybe? (By the way, this is probably an AU from our storyline as I’ve got no idea how this is going to fit anywhere :D )

And secondly, @pipolaki requested “If I die, I’m haunting you first.” from this prompt list

Enjoy on AO3 or under the cut!

In Sickness and in Health

Charlotte Cromwell – no, she corrects herself – Charlotte Hiddleston makes her way home after an exhausting day in the hospital. It’s nothing unusual, hell, she’s had a hundred times more horrible days somewhere in the past. It’s just that it didn’t really matter then. Not as much as it does now. Because as much as Charlie loves her job and helping her little patients, it’s definitely nothing compared to the life she’s living at home now.

Tom’s waiting for her there. Tom and their two daughters, because yes, Evie’s ‘hers’ now as well, and just as loved as little Rose is – who by now has her own little personality and is keeping her parents busy with all the enthusiasm and lust for adventure a two-year-old can have – especially being the daughter of one Tom Hiddleston.

Okay, Charlie admits as she slips out of her shoes first and then loses her jacket, the last week has been kind of hellish at home as well with her very own little patients waiting for her. First, it was Evie bringing the flu home from school. Of course, it didn’t take long for Rose to catch it, too, no matter how careful Tom and Charlie had been. But now it seems like their children survived – Tom has probably suffered more than them, though – and Charlie’s just glad it’s over for now.

She checks the clock in the kitchen as she prepares her tea. 9 o’clock. She swears. She wanted to tell the children goodnight, but well, sometimes her job means that she can’t make it home to her own children in order to help others. Tom knows this and Evie gets it as well, little Rose is still too young to actually understand.

At least she can still hear the tv playing in the living-room, so she knows Tom’s still there and waiting for her. It is strangely quiet otherwise, though, no padding of feet on the floor announcing her husband making his way over to meet her. Maybe Tom’s fallen asleep? The two cats aren’t coming, either, but then again they may be out and about in the neighbourhood.

Charlie grabs the tea she’s prepared and makes her way from the kitchen to the living-room right next to it. She feels so at home in Tom’s house. It’s not the largest they could get probably, and it’s still the one Tom and Evie lived in with Emily, but it’s amazing how quickly they were all able to call it ‘theirs’.

And then Charlie stops before she’s reached the comfy couch Tom loves to lounge on. He’s indeed asleep. And slightly snoring, which is unusual for him, except for when he’s a bit tipsy – Charlie can’t see a sign of that anywhere – or when he comes down with the flu. You don’t really need to be a doctor to get it, do you?

She refrains from rolling her eyes, because just yesterday her husband told her how he never got sick and wouldn’t start with it now, but instead smiles sympathetically, puts down her tea on the coffee table and sits down next to Tom.

His skin is already a bit clammy and his hair sticks to his forehead. She rubs his shoulder softly, trying to get him to wake up without startling him.

“Tom?” she whispers. “Tom, love, wake up for me?”

“No,” is the mumbled reply, groaned into the pillow underneath his head.

Charlie smothers a grin. She’s seen him with a cold or the flu once or twice. She knows what state he’s in. Right after ‘I’m invincible, I’ll never get the flu’ comes ‘I’m perfectly fine, I simply choked and am not currently coughing my lungs out’. It’s paired with already being sick and the most stubborn pouts she’s ever seen on a grown-up’s face. But no matter how much Tom refuses to be sick, he actually is. So. No mocking him. At least not tonight. Tonight she wants to drink her tea, re-heat the dinner her family’s had and then go to bed, preferably with Tom.

“I think you’re already awake, though,” she whispers back. “And I can imagine you’re not feeling too good.”

“’m fine.”

“Fine.”

Blue eyes, a bit too glassy for her taste, stare back at her. With a slight cough Tom pushes himself up on his forearms, barely able to hold his own bodyweight. The hair that’s not stuck to his forehead falls in a mess of curls around his face. “Feeling good. How was your day?”

“Tom…”

“Charlie.”

She raises a brow. “You’re really going to do this? Even though we both know how this will end?”

The glare loses some of its power – that it didn’t even have in the first place – with the quiet sniffling Tom’s doing. “I don’t know what you mean,” he croaks out. “I just want to know how my wife’s feeling.”

Charlie chuckles. There really isn’t much else to do. Let him be stubborn, she’s going to prepare for tomorrow morning then. “Better than her husband I think,” she mumbles, but continues at Tom’s huff, “I’m a bit tired and a bit hungry. I’d love to eat some late dinner and then go to bed. Would you care to join me?”

He nods. “I’d love that. But no funny business if you’re tired.”

This time, she can’t smother the laugh that escapes her. “Understood. I’m the reason we’re not doing that tonight, my big, strong, healthy man. Thank you for looking out for me.”

***

Well, the next morning Charlie is awoken by her big, strong and healthy man moaning and groaning next to her in bed. And not in that sexy-bedroom-voice of his. It’s a little pathetic coughing that comes next and a very (very, very) weakly whispered, “Charlie, love? Help?”

She opens her eyes to a dark room, cuddled from behind by what seems to be a human furnace, but could just be her husband. The dawn is breaking outside, and Charlie can hear a bird here and there. Large hands rub her stomach and puffs of air meet her neck. Tom’s apparently so weak, he can’t even keep her in his arms as she turns around to face him.

Red cheeks, swollen eyes, red nose and dry lips. Yup, that’s the flu.

“How are you?” she asks, trailing a fingertip down Tom’s nose.

“Barely alive.”

Ah. So sometime during the night they’ve reached the next stage. Miserable Tom, who’s most certainly the closest to death any person has ever been without actually dying – probably, since the next 24 hours will be crucial.

“But still alive, that’s good,” she grins.

“If I die, I’m haunting you first.”

Charlie snickers, then attempts a shocked face. It’s not working and to be honest Tom couldn’t see it anyway, lying there in misery, eyes closed. “What have I done?”

“You’re mocking me. And you’re not doing anything to make me feel better and save me. You’ll regret this in one or two hours, when you’ll find me dead in our bed.”

“But you’re not really sick. You’ve told me so yesterday.”

“The situation has changed. It seems like this is a horrible flu, Charlie. It requires a broth, pain medicine and cuddles.”

Okay. She was wrong. He does have that low, sexy, bedroom-voice. Damn him, even sick he’s a sight for sore eyes and a heavenly voice to hear. She should also not be aroused by that.

“I don’t know, Tom. Maybe I should get the children and flee from this horrible illness of yours. Everyone fights for themselves, right?”

The answer is a whine and then a little tug on her sleeping shirt, right by her thigh. “Stop mocking me. I’m seriously ill. Don’t let those be the last words to me, and make me feel better.”

“Please?”

“Please.”

Charlie lives for that small smile around Tom’s lips as she moves a little closer and then rubs his shoulders softly , before she pushes some of his hair out of his face.

“Well, you asked so nicely.”

“I did,” her murmurs, sounding half asleep again.

“Tea and toast then?”

“An’ pills. ‘n cuddles.”

With a kiss on his nose, she moves out of the bed. “Coming right up.”

“Hm. Love you.”

She smiles. God, this man. “Love you too.”

Tagging: (I hope you’re okay with being tagged in this, since it’s not the usual blog, but “just” Charlie) @nuggsmum @hallotom @sinfully-lustful-darling @royallylazy @lasimo74allmyworld @ilovetardis @witkoa61 @hakimo2015 @antyc67 @wolfsmom1 @brinschk @crushed-pink-petals-writes @avenger-nerd-mom @jhangelface0523 @deathbyukmen @say-my-name-assbut @omninocte @sf0206 @frenchfrostpudding @hiddlepiggle @theblackthrone @honeybournehippy @muchobsessedwithpretty06 @justthelosersblog @letsgetlokid @noclevernamelbr @theduchessinme @craftynidan @bemynightmanager @inkededucatednnerdy @fairlightswiftly @okiejess1208 @ladyninasayers-ish @siochan-leat @evieplease @vertdragain @youareadistraction @patheimathos @nikkalia @thebluedreamofsky @mandapanda8 @lokilockedcougar @ms-cellanies @perfect-and-awesome @alexakeyloveloki @theheartofpenelope @hiddlescastle @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @pipolaki 

[abigailsfictionalothers-archive]

Distraction - Natasha x My Marvel S/I

A/N: I struggled to write the actual beginning of this relationship, to actually give some context, for DAYS, but I was STRUGGLING, it was not working out, I was not feeling it. So I decided to write this small little fluffy little our-relationship-is-already-in-full-swing drabble instead, which came way easier, just to get a daydream and a little bit of our dynamic out on paper for the first time! I'll try to do the actual beginning stuff for context later! Been feeling weird about starting to self-insert in this universe, so I'm hoping this will help kick some stuff off 👉👈

For some context, my Marvel S/I's name is Maria (Ria) Stark (finally diverging from just naming all my S/Is after myself, WHOO!). Ria is still just me but with a different name and also cooler, as usual, haha. Ria is the child of Tony Stark, and is in a poly relationship with both Natasha and Steve! Ria also helps co-run Stark Industries in large part with Pepper Potts!

Word Count: 1052

I'm only gonna tag a few people since it's my first time writing for this ship and I don't wanna bother anyone who might not be interested, but if anyone who was tagged would not like to be, or anyone else would like to be tagged in future works for this ship, let me know! Tagging: @imagine-your-love-story @nekociapek @sacredempressnatlyia

Hope you enjoy!

~~~

It had been damp and grey outside since the moment I woke up, and I was quick to decide that I wouldn't be going anywhere that day. All the work I would be doing would be from the comfort of my suite in the Avengers Tower, and that was final. Besides, Natasha and Steve were out on mission with everyone else, so it's not like I had anyone to distract me, making this the perfect excuse to get some of my more paperwork based work finished.

Despite it being dark out, and me being tired, I managed to get a decent dent into my never-ending to-do list. I was fairly happy with it, and then Pepper called and asked after some things, so we chatted for a while, and I was still shockingly focused afterwards. The no distractions thing was really helping me find my groove.

That is, until I made out the sound of a helicarrier getting noticeably closer, and then and there I figured my streak would soon be over. I was never one to be able to stay working when my boyfriend and girlfriend were under the same roof, never mind my chaotic, chaotic father.

The noise began quickly as the Avengers dispersed throughout the tower, and I was once again shocked at how thin the walls and floors were in such a state-of-the-art building. I still attempted to peck away at my keyboard the smallest bit, hoping to make the most of my time, but my distraction soon arrived.

Natasha was leaning against the doorframe to my office space soon enough, still dressed in her tactical gear, giving me a small smile, "Hey, you're actually here!"

"Decided to work from home today. Been getting some paperwork done and over with. I imagine that's probably over now, though."

Her grin was devious, "You would be correct." She made her way over to me, doing her best to saunter. She stopped behind my chair, and I tilted my head back to look up at her.

"You look exhausted, Ri."

"Gee, thanks Nat."

"Put your work away while I go take a shower and spend a lazy afternoon with me."

"Ah. You must be tired too if even you're commanding a lazy day."

"Half a day. Indulge me and rest a little bit."

I hummed softly in agreement, "You think Steve would be available to join us?"

She shook her head slightly, "I doubt it. Last I heard, he was in for a long briefing and some reports."

I tsked lightly, "Looks like it will be just you and I then. What a shame."

A grin spread across her face once more as she took my face on her hands, still looming above me, "Us, getting to spend time alone together? A shame, truly. And a rare occurrence." She leaned down and gave me a feather-light kiss, which I made a small sound of approval into.

As she leaned back up, I smiled, "You're adorable."

She scoffed, "You are. Put your stuff away and find us something to watch."

"While you get ready I think I'm going to-"

She cut me off by leaning over and shutting my laptop, quickly snatching it from me.

"Hey!"

"If I don't take it now you'll never put it away."

"But I-"

"You don't need it right now."

"How am I supposed to-"

"Find something on the tv."

I pouted, "Meanie."

"You know I'm right."

~~~

By the time we were both in bed, flicking through options on the tv (I've always been terribly indecisive when choosing things for other people to enjoy), the rain had kicked up pretty significantly. We lightly bickered back and forth about what to put on, before settling on something random.

Natasha quickly snuggled into my chest as we chatted back and forth.

"So everyone did good on this last mission, then?"

"Yeah, we're definitely good at coming together as a team. It's a nice change."

"Dad didn't cause any problems?"

She laughed, "Well he's not the best at keeping quiet, that's for sure, but you knew that. He was on his best expected behavior."

"What a relief to hear that he causes chaos even when it's not just for Pepper and me. So do you think you guys are gonna have to head out on another one soon?"

"I think we've gotta do some digging first, so I think it'll be at least a week or two."

"So that eliminates all my chances of working from home again any time soon, then."

She lightly smacked my arm, smirking, "Guess you'll just have to spend time with your family and friends then. How unfortunate for you."

"You know I have a job, right? That I co-run a company?"

"I'm choosing to take note of the co part."

"You're stubborn, you know that?"

"You definitely already knew that."

"Of course I did, just figured I'd point it out in case no one else has ever been brave enough."

"I've heard it once or twice, but I take comfort in the fact that it's something you enjoy about me."

I leaned down uncomfortably to kiss her forehead, "I sure do."

She rolled over a little to sling her arm over me, "Take a nap with me."

"You know I'm not great at naps-"

"You are when you're tired and there's no distractions around."

"You're a distraction."

"I'll be taking a nap."

"There's a whole lot of other people in this building, too."

"I took care of it."

"What did you-?"

"Someone has to go out of their way to make sure you're resting, and I've personally taken on that mission myself. Turn off the tv."

I did as she commanded with a slight, playful eye roll, "You always act as if you know what's best for me."

"I do, don't I?"

"Probably, but that doesn't mean I have to take it without complaining,"

"You're just like your father. Close your eyes and go to sleep."

Feeling my eyes fluttering of their own accord, I figured it was useless to protest further. Pulling Natasha a little bit closer, I willed myself to put everything out of my mind besides the sound of the rain and Nat's breathing, and I did my best to relax in her arms for at least a little while.