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wen-kexing-apologist · 2 years

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Overanalyzing the color red in Our Flag Means Death...

Anyway, I was thinking about the red silk as symbolism for Ed’s heart when I realized that it is not just the silk, but that the color red very rarely appears in Our Flag Means Death unless it is surrounding the matter of heart.

So, think about the characters that we ever see dressed in red:

1. Ed

2. Stede

3. Lucius

4. Spanish Jackie

5. Olu

6. Evelyn

Let’s get the supporting characters out of the way first.

Spanish Jackie, it is in her bar that Stede first sends a message to Ed via Izzy to “suck eggs in Hell,” it is also where we are introduced to some of Jim’s backstory, murdering her husband to get revenge on the death of their father. And where Jim returns, once again to continue their revenge quest only for Spanish Jackie to tell them that revenge isn’t worth it, resulting in Jim abandoning the quest for a second time to reunite with Olu. (Notably, the Spanish also wear red, and it is on a Spanish ship that Ed and Stede first meet, also the Spanish are who they are up against when they are lighthouses for one another).

Olu only wears red once, during the ball in episode 5, when he and Frenchie run the pyramid scheme. And what is he doing during that time? Scamming heartless, rich fucks out of their money, and redistributing the wealth to the servants. This matter of heart concerns the treatment of people society sees as lesser, and the ways in which Olu and Frenchie are able to help free the servants from their treatment. There are a couple other characters in red during the ball, attendees of the party and everything, namely I Kristen Schal’s character who wanted Ed to “finger her dents” literally has red hair shaped like a heart and Nick Kroll was also wearing red. And they are the ones who earn the ire of Stede’s fury for humiliating Ed.

Evelyn, the widow and friend of Mary. She is the only character wearing red, and she is also the one that offers to help Mary murder Stede, and is ultimately the reason the Fuckery can happen freeing both Mary and Stede from the bonds of their marriage, and allowing them to pursue a relationship with the people they love, Mary with Doug and Stede with Ed.

Ok now for the other three:

Ed and Stede I will talk about together, because their red is always matching. First of all Stede is very rarely in any form of red in the beginning, in fact if i recall correctly (and 100% could be wrong here but), the first time we see any spot of red associated with Stede at the end of episode 3, when his shirt is smeared with blood when he is stabbed with the sword. Then again in episode 4, there is a spot of red on his bandage from where he was stabbed, and then again we get the full light design in red when Mary and Stede’s fatehr are telling him they will see him in Hell. And who joins them? This visage of Blackbeard who promptly stabs Stede, promptly waking him up to meet Ed.

When we first meet Ed, he is wearing black, it’s the only outfit he owns, he’s a pirate that makes sense. Then Stede puts on light red pants when he gets out of bed, shows Ed around his study, Ed laying on a recliner that is…also red. Ed and Stede swap clothes, and we start the continuous trend of Ed and Stede, wearing the same exact clothing whenever they are wearing red. The pants to start, and then Stede’s red robe. Stede wears that robe in a lot of the time jump, when he makes tea for Ed, etc. and Ed only wears it when he has had his heart broken. He wraps himself up in it and uses it for comfort when he thinks Stede has abandoned him. The same color, the same fabric, the same clothing. Because the two of them share each other’s hearts.

But you know what? You know who I am most interested in? Lucius.

Because Lucius is always in red. Always. Even when they go to the pirate island the first time and he and Stede dress solidly in white, the first thing that happens? BOOM. Bright red blood all over his coat. And when they enter Spanish Jackie’s? BOOM. Red wine all over his vest. Even when they are on the treasure hunt and he remove his red jacket, he still keeps on that little red scarf. Lucius is the single biggest instigator of the relationship between Stede and Ed, at least in my opinion. Stede loves the idea of piracy, Lucius holds a red journal. His jacket is red, his little scarf/cravat is red. He acts as a go between and a translator, he is the reason that Ed even realizes that Stede likes him back. He is the only one besides Stede or Izzy that is allowed to see Ed vulnerable and also the only other person besides Stede and Izzy that talks back to him. But also, unlike with Izzy, where Ed reacts negatively or attempts to put Izzy in his place whenever he talks back, Ed lets Lucius tell him if he doesn’t pursue his feelings for Stede he will end up another middle aged sad sack dying alone in a puddle of his own piss and he DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING. He just turns to Stede and tries to make him feel better, and when he does threaten to stab Lucius, it has none of the same bite as his threats or even off hand comments to Izzy.

It’s why Lucius is the one that Blackbeard pushes off the ship. Lucius is the one that helped him realize his love for Stede, he is the one that has been treating him with kindness and compassion without any judgement, without making fun of Ed or trying to convince him that his behavior is unbecoming of Blackbeard. It’s why Ed removes the red robe when he is becoming Blackbeard, it’s why he drops the red fabric, it’s why he pushes Lucius overboard. Everything red has to go, every reminder of love.

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funkwallace · 2 years

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OFMD CHARACTERS AS ICE CREAMS.

Ed is dark chocolate because comes across as strong and bitter, but with the sweetest candied strawberry nibs hidden here and there throughout.

Stede is rainbow sherbet.

Olu is raspberry gelato with little bits of white chocolate and/or marshmallow swirl.

Jim is helado de dulce de leche salado, because salty.

Buttons is actually a parfait. No questions, please.

Fang is butter pecan.

Frenchie is dondurma, specifically a cone sold to you by one of those assholes who keep jerking it away on a stick when you try to grab it and laughing.

Wee John: vanilla with real beans.

Black Pete: rocky road.

Lucius is peach sorbet with bits of real peach.

Roach is one of those Ben n Jerry's pints where they mix flavors together and act like it's super crazy to have done so, except this time it actually is. Like usually they pair complimentary flavors but Roach is legit an unexpected pairing. Maybe Cherry Garcia with like... Pumpkin cheesecake or something.

The Swede is obviously lingonberry glace.

Izzy is one of those Mexican fruit flavors where no matter what fruit it is they add salt, lime, and chili.

Ivan is some kind of chocolate swirl (milk and white?) But there's a raspberry coulis ribboned throughout.

Mary is a mixed berry sherbet.

Evelyn ... Someone figured out how to make red velvet a frozen yogurt?

Doug I can't decide. Is he cookies and cream or some really light flavor Italian ice?

The Badmintons: you ever seen one of those places where they spread the ice cream really thin on a cold slab and make a big show of scraping it up into rolls? Except when you try their flavor, it's like someone put yellow lemon in with butterscotch and you end up just throwing it away.

Is that everyone?

OMG SPANISH JACKIE

black raspberry sorbet with some of that crazy expensive 100 year old slowly reduced balsamic glaze drizzled over the top

Geraldo is pistachio but when you take a bite you realized they cheated and used almond extract.

Nana has to be orange but special. Hmmm...

Orange and mango 雪花冰. Instead of shaved ice it's shaved milk ice and they drizzle sweetened condensed milk over the top. Translates to snow flower ice.

Calico jack... Rum raisin. With like, too many raisins.

#ofmd #ice cream #original content #our flag means death

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themattress · 3 years

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I made a tier list for Pokemon Masters voices for all characters as of the current update.

Definitive voices are those that I just can’t unhear as the voice for the character eclipsing all others. Good voices are those that do just fine but either could have done better, suffer from comparison to better voices in other renditions of the character, or sound too similar to other renditions for it to matter. Bad voices are just...ugh, just what the Hell were they thinking!?

List behind cut (with updates applied):

DEFINITIVE VOICES: Aaron (Kevin K. Gomez) Acerola (Christine Marie Cabanos) Adaman (Micah Solusod) Alder (Cam Clarke) Anabel (Alexis Tipton) Archer (Christian La Monte) Arianna (Amber Lee Connors) Argenta (Rachel Robinson) Avery (Kayleigh McKee) Bede (Beau Bridgland) Benga (Casey Mongillo) Blaine (Kirk Thornton) Brawly (Jon Allen) Brendan (Aleks Le) Bruno (Greg Chun) Bugsy (Cristina Vee) Caitlin (Sarah Miller-Crewes) Cheryl (Laura Post) Chuck (Bob Carter) Claire (Sarah Williams) Clay (Kirk Thornton) Courtney (Anjali Kunapaneni) Crasher Wake (Kyle Hebert) Cynthia (Allegra Clark) Cyrus (Armen Taylor) Dahlia (Heather Gonzales) Dana (Elizabeth Maxwell) Diantha (Antonia Flynn) Emma (Jennie Kwan) Erika (Xanthe Huynh) Evelyn (Emi Lo) Faba (Alexander Gross) Gardenia (Erica Mendez) Geeta (Alice Himora) Ghetsis (Mick Wingert) Glacia (Katelyn Gault) Gladion (Alan Lee) Gloria (Della Saba / Stephanie Southerland) Greta (Anairis Quinnones) Grimsley (Greg Chun) Grusha (Edward Mendoza) Guzma (Doug Erholtz) Hapu (Della Saba) Hilbert (Griffin Burns) Hilda (Erica Mendez) Hugh (Stephen Fu) Hop (Vargus Mason) Iono (Lily Ki) Irida (Maureen Price) Iris (Cassandra Lee Morris) Jacq (Ricco Fajardo) Jainine (Janice Kawaye) Jasmine (Kimberly Woods) Jupiter (Brittany Cox) Kahili (Janice Kawaye) Karen (Mela Lee) Klara (Brittany Lauda) Koga (Christopher Bevins) Korrina (Ryan Bartley) Kris (Chermai Leigh) Lance (Bill Millsap) Larry (Yong Yea) Leon (Cedric Williams) Lisia (Brittany Cox) Lillie (Jennifer Losi) Looker (Mick Lauer) Lucas (Griffin Puatu) Lucian (Brandon McInnis) Lysandre (D.C Douglas) Malva (Morgan Berry) Matt (Mike Smith) Marlon (Ray Chase) Marnie (Cristina Vee) Marley (Dorothy Elias-Fahn) Mars (Christie Cate) Maylene (Erica Lindbeck) Melony (Wendee Lee) Mina (Cherami Leigh) Morgan (???) Morty (Brian Hanford) Nate (Kyle Castellani) Nita (Jenny Yokobori) Noland (Kaiji Tang) Norman (Keith Silverstein) Petrel (Todd Haberkorn) Phoebe (Cristina Vee) Piers (Aleks Le) Plumeria (Michelle Ruff) Poppy (Abby Espiritu) Professor Kukui (Alejandro Saab) Proton (Clifford Chapin) Pryce (Kyle Hebert) Ramos (Steve Kramer) Rika (Becca Q. Co) Roark (Alejandro Saab) Rosa (Kayli Mills) Roxanne (Sarah Miller-Crewes) Sabrina (Lizzie Freeman) Saturn (Mike Haimoto) Shadow Triad (Ben Balmaceda) Shauna (Daisy Guevara) Shauntal (Kira Buckland) Sidney (SungWon Cho) Siebold (Sean Chiplock) Silver (Joe Zieja) Skyla (Laura Stahl) Sonia (Morgan Garrett (Sonia) Tate & Liza (Cassandra Lee Morris & Kira Buckland) Tierno (Jordan Dash Cruz) Thorton (Jon Allen) Trevor (Greg Vinciguerra) Valerie (Skyler Davenport) Victor (Ben Thao) Volo (Cory Yee) Wallace (Mikey Caputo) Wally (Melissa Mabie) Whitney (Sarah Williams) Will (Phillip Reich) Winona (Jeannie Tirado) Zinnia (Vivian Lu)

GOOD VOICES: Agatha (Dorothy Elias-Fahn) Akari (Risa Mei) Archie (Adin Rudd) Arven (Bryson Baugus) Ash Ketchum (Sarah Natochenny) Ball Guy (Kellen Goff) Barry (Erik Kimerer) Bea (Shara Kirby) Bertha (Dorah Fine) Bianca (Erika Harlacher) Blue (Billy Kametz / Henry Mason) Brock (Tommy Arciniega) Calem (Zach Aguilar) Candice (Ryan Bartley) Chase (Jade Dennis) Cheren (Landon McDonald) Chili (Adriel Varlack) Clemont (Kyle McCarley) Colress (Y. Chang) Cress (Kory Getman) Dawn (Kimberley Anne Campbell) Drasna (Laura Post) Elaine (Alice Himora) Elesa (Deborah Gatton) Elio (Mike Dent) Ethan (Ted Sroka) Eusine (Connor Ludovice) Falkner (Howard Wang) Fantina (Karen Strassman) Flannery (Laura Post) Flint (Landon McDonald) Gordie (David Matranga) Grant (Erik Kimerer) Giovanni (Andrew Russell) Hala (Kane Jungbluth-Murry) Helena (Kimberly Anne Campbell) Ingo & Emmett (Jordan Reynolds & J Michael Tatum) Jessie & James (Michelle Ruff & James Carter Cathcart) Kabu (Christopher Corey Smith) Kali (Lisa Reimold) Kiawe (Chris Jai Alex) Lana (Amanda Lee) Leaf (Michelle Marie) Lenora (Zakiya Young) Lorelei (Lauren Landa) Lt. Surge (Patrick Seitz) Lucy (Carrie Keranen) Lusamine (Michelle Ruff) Lyra (Della Saba / Madeline Dorroh) Mallow (Amber Connor) Maxie (Jarred Kjack) May (Deneen Melody) Misty (Reba Buhr) Molayne (Ezra Weisz) N (Daman Mills) Naomi (Lindsay Sheppard) Nanu (Sean Chiplock) Nessa (Tiana Camacho) Oleana (Linsay Rousseau) Olympia (Minae Noji) Palmer (Brook Chalmers) Penny (Courtney Lin) Professor Oak (Joe J. Thomas) Rei (John Patneaude) Riley (Austin Tindle) Rose (Maaz Ali) Roxie (Brianna Knickerbocker) Selene (Christina McBride) Serena (Jackie Lastra) Shelly (Dani Chambers) Sophocles (Jeannie Tirado) Steven Stone (Xander Mobus) Tabitha (Van Barr Jr.) Volkner (Chris Hackney) Wikstrom (Brad Venable) Wulfric (Jamieson Price)

BAD VOICES: Brycen (Christopher Bevins) Burgh (???) Cilan (Caleb Yen) Drake (Steve Kramer) Hau (Laura Stahl) Marshal (Phillip Reich) Nemona (Cristina Millizia) Olivia (Julia McIlvanie) Professor Sycamore (Ben Lepley) Raihan (Mike Dent) Viola (Brianna Knickerbocker)

#Pokemon #Pokemon Masters #Opinion #Analysis #Comparison

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kharti · 2 years

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[ Still Life #17 ]

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There were chores to do around the house, but Mary couldn’t bring herself to move from the couch. It was comfortable, lying there, staring at the wall, trying to think of nothing.

( Continue reading on AO3 or... )

There were chores to do around the house, but Mary couldn’t bring herself to move from the couch. It was comfortable, lying there, staring at the wall, trying to think of nothing.

But of course, as soon as she emptied her mind, the space was filled with the memory of last night, and the whole thing started over again.

She wasn’t a married woman, technically. She was a widow. And it had just been a fantasy that no one had to know about.

She knew about it, though. How was she supposed to be in the same room as Doug ever again? All it would take was for him to say Patience and she’d be moaning in his art studio.

The door opened, and she pushed herself up to look over and see her daughter standing there with concern on her face.

“Mother, you’ve been in a state all day, and I got worried,” she said in her young voice that shouldn’t say such serious things. “So I got Auntie Evelyn.”

Evelyn leaned in through the doorway and smiled. “Hello, dear.”

Alma marched across the room to stand at the foot of the stairs and yelled up into the second floor, “Louis! Let’s play outside today!”

“Don’t wanna!” his voice yelled back, high-pitched with petulance.

Alma scowled, then smoothed her hair back and forced a smile into her voice. “I’ll let you pick whatever game you want!”

There was a pause.

“Anything?”

“Anything,” Alma replied and looked over at Mary with an exaggerated eye roll, then smiled. “I’ll keep Louis occupied, Mother, so you can spend time with Auntie Evelyn.”

Mary just sat there with her mouth agape, unable to process anything happening around her without a hundred questions.

Meanwhile, Evelyn moved quietly to take a seat beside her, looking past her at Alma. “I’ll take good care of her.”

“I know,” Alma said so matter-of-factly that it shook Mary out of her stupor.

“I—” Mary swallowed. “Alma, dear—”

Alma just smiled. “I know can keep Louis busy for hours.” And with that, as Louis ran down the stairs and out the door, Alma gave a little curtsey before running after him.

“I think she knows,” Evelyn said in a quiet voice, her lips curled in a conspiratorial smile.

“I think so, too.” Mary stared at the door and then sighed and laid over to rest her head in Evelyn’s lap. “We need to talk, Evie.”

Evelyn’s hand landed atop her head and gently stroked her hair, pausing long enough to pull out the pins that held it in place and threaded her fingers through the freed locks.

Mary closed her eyes and let herself indulge in the wonderful sensations she didn’t deserve. “I think I—no, I know. I.” She swallowed. “I want… a man.”

“A man, or a husband?” Evelyn asked with a hint of venom. “Is someone pressuring you to remarry?”

“No, heavens, god, no.” Mary choked on a laugh. “It’s not like that. It’s…”

Evelyn waited patiently, quietly, her fingernails scraping against her scalp and the back of her neck.

Mary turned her head to bury it in the fabric of Evelyn’s dress. “I finally achieved an orgasm, on my own. With the… candle.”

“Oh!” Evelyn’s voice cracked with a gleeful titter. “Oh, honey, that’s wonderful!”

Mary curled in on herself to try to be as small as she felt. “While I fantasized about a man. A specific man.”

Hands slipped under her to hoist her up into a slouching sit, and Evelyn forced their gazes to meet so Mary could see the open smile and glimmering eye.

“Who is it? Is he available, or is his wife in the way? I can take care of her. How permanently do you want him?”

“No!” Mary clasped her hands over Evelyn’s mouth while she sputtered into a laugh. “Evie, no! He’s unmarried, but if he had a wife, no murder!”

Evelyn scowled and gently bit the palm of Mary's hand to free her mouth. “Then what is the problem?”

Mary hesitated, then clasped her hands in her lap and dropped her gaze to watch her thumb running over her knuckles. “I—How are you not concerned that I want a man?”

“Why should I be?” Evelyn huffed. “Even if I find them useless, I can still appreciate their… assets.”

“Doesn’t it complicate things, between you and I?”

Evelyn frowned. “Why would it? Mary, dear, I told you I specifically didn’t want anything complicated. There’s nothing to complicate.”

“But would you—” She hesitated, because this was her concern, this was what truly troubled her, and she was afraid to say it aloud. “Would you still want me if I’d laid with a man?”

There was a long pause, and for a moment, Mary was terrified of what she’d see when she looked up. But when she finally did, she didn’t see anything except amusement on Evelyn’s face.

“Mary.” Evelyn gestured at the painting on the wall, the family portrait she tried never to look at. “You’ve already laid with a man. You have children.”

“But that—wasn’t the same!” Mary felt her skin start to grow warm. “That was what I had to do with my arranged spouse. This is, I, this is something I want to do to Doug.”

Evelyn’s eye flicked over her face with sudden interest. “Doug Dougson?”

“Yes,” she replied, hunching her shoulders. “My art instructor.”

“Doug Dougson, son of Doug Dougson.”

Mary could hear the sarcastic mirth in Evelyn’s voice, and for some reason, it soothed her nerves.

“Doug, Doug’s son.” Evelyn cracked a smile. “You want to get dogged by Doug Dougson, Doug Dougson’s son.”

“You know, I think this is exactly why he only introduces himself as Doug,” Mary muttered as her own lips betrayed her.

“Oh, certainly.” Evelyn shifted on the couch to lean her back against the armrest, one leg propped up on the seat and her own arm draped along the backrest. “So. You masturbated to the thought of Doug.”

Mary raised a hand to cover her face as it turned hot again. “To the thought of him taking me hard and passionately, yes.”

“He’s never been my type, but.” Evelyn cocked her head to the side. “There is something you should know about him.”

“Yes?” Mary tried not to sound as excited as she felt. And failed.

“He is a good man, perhaps a bit naïve.” Evelyn smiled. “He’ll never initiate, though, so if you want him, you’ll have to take him yourself.”

Mary put a hand to her chest as she choked on a sharp breath in. “I can't—”

“Oh, Mary, my darling, I know firsthand that you can.” Evelyn winked her eye. “You’re a free woman. Go take what you want.”

“But he’s my instructor,” Mary tried to argue in a weak voice. “It seems inappropriate.”

“If not now, then when?”

Mary paused.

If not now, then when.

When she was done with her lessons? She wouldn’t make it that long at this rate.

When she couldn’t take it anymore? What was she capable of later on if she was already fantasizing about riding him on the floor of his studio now?

When?

Mary breathed in, then back out, slowly.

“All right,” she said, and excitement bloomed across her face. “Now it is, then.”

( next )

📚 view a list of all my current stories!

#our flag means death #ofmd #mary bonnet #still life - mary bonnet ficlets

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happyweddingblogs · 4 years

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150 Funny Marriage Quotes for Newlyweds

If you are looking for some hilarious marriage quotes to add fun element to your wedding, then this post is for you. Here we are sharing 150 funny marriage quotes for you that you can use in your wedding invites, wedding signage, and wedding social media updates.

Source: Happy Wedding App

Let’s get started…….

1. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman

2. “The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” —Cher

3. “Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock!” — Zeenat Essa

4. “In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland

5. “Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” — Zig Ziglar TC mark

6. “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

7. “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’” — Anonymous

8. “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” — Socrates

9. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” — Prince Philip

10. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

11. “Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.” — Jewish Proverb

12. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” — Albert Einstein

13. “There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.” — Oscar Wilde

14. “All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton

15. “Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.” — Neil Simon

16. “Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce

17. “Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.” — Carrie

18. “Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” —Isadora Duncan

19. “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” — Michel de Montaigne

20. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” — Benjamin Franklin

21. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — NOT A BOOK

22. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Ann Bancroft

23. “Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.” — Honore de Balzac

24. “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” — Michel de Montaigne

25. “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr

26. “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash

27. “I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.” — Steven Wright

28. “Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner

29. “Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and woman gets her master’s degree.” — Rama Kochhar

30. “When you have a baby, love is automatic, when you get married, love is earned.” —Marie Osmond

31. “Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” — Beverley Nichols

32. “Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.” — G. K. Chesterton

33. “Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” — Stephen Leacock

34. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck

35. “All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull

36. “Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.” — Richard Pryor

37. “If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson

38. “They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope

39. “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” — Eddie Cantor

40. “An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” — Booth Tarkington

41. “Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.” — Elbert Hubbard

42. “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” — Natasha Leggero

43. “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life” — Anonymous

44. “I married beneath me, all women do.” — Nancy Astor

45. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.” — Albert Einstein

46. “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.” — Woody Allen

47. “Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” — Jerry Seinfeld

48. “Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe

49. “Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” — John Wilmot

50. “Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.” — Yoko Ono

Also See:

Best 75 Wedding Love Quotes

51. “You can’t buy love on eBay.” — Anonymous

52. “Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.” — H.L. Mencken

53. “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” — Mickey Rooney

54. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield

55. “Marry a man your own age; As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller

56. “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” — Helen Rowland

57. “Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.” — Billy Connolly

58. “The only mistake for which people are congratulated is marriage.” — Ratna Deep

59. “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” — Doug Larson

60. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” — Albert Einstein

61. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck

62. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

63. “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman

64. “The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.” —Sophie Monroe

65. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Charles M. Schulz

66. “Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” — Evelyn Hendrickson

67. “True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.” — La Rochefoucauld

68. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” — Erich Segal

69. “Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.” — English Proverb

70. “The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” — Rick Reilly

71. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke

72. “A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” — Brendan Francis

73. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” — Benjamin Franklin

74. “Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.” — Fran Lebowitz

75. “Besides chocolate, you’re my favourite.” — Anonymous

76. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni

77. “Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.” — Fawn Weaver 78. “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns

79. “Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” — Thomas Dewar

80. “My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.” — Winston Churchill

81. “I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” —Wendy Liebman

82. “Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there.” — George Burns

83. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops” — Henny Youngman

84. “They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” — Mae West

85. “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” — Quote from 50 Cents

86. “Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries.” — Cher

87. “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” — Cindy Garner

88. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx

89. “They say true love hides behind every corner, I must be walking in circles.” — Anonymous

90. “Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.” — Joan Rivers

91. “If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” — Katharine Hepburn

92. “My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes on tuesdays, I go Fridays.” — Henry Youngman

93. “If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.” — Sigmund Freud

94. “Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.” — Anonymous

95. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” — Catherine Zeta-Jones

96. “Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” — H. L. Mencken

97. “Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.” — Anonymous

98. “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” — Jack Benny

99. “Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” — Woody Allen

100. “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” — Steve Martin

101. “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: You have to start over again every morning.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

102. “Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce

103. “Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.” — Elbert Hubbard

104. “The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.” — Woody Allen

105. “Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

106. “An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie

107 “I love you even when I’m really, really hungry” — Anonymous

108. “Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” — Cathy Carlyle

109. “The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.” — Anonymous

110. “Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.” —Woody Allen

111. “All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.” —Shelley Winters

112. “If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin

113. “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” — Ogden Nash

114. “Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” —Anonymous

115. “Love is a grave mental disease.” — Plato

116. “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.” — Jean Kerr

117. “A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.” — Zsa Zsa Gabor

118. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” — Joan Crawford

119. “Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey

120. “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” — Helen Rowland

121. “It’s been so long since I made love, I can’t even remember who gets tied up.” — Joan Rivers

122. “Love is the seventh sense, which destroys all the other six senses.” — Anonymous

123. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Joyce Brothers

124. “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.” — Anonymous

125. “People should fall in love with their eyes closed.” — Andy Warhol

126. “The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.” — Groucho Marx

127. “In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money virtue before beauty, the mind before the body, then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self.” — William Penn

128. “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener” — Pauline Thomason

129. “Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.” — Helen Gurley Brown

130. “Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.” — Anonymous

131. “Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.” — Tommy Dewar

132. “I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate – but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.” — Alf Whit

133. “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry Me.” — winston-churchill

134. “If I get married, I want to be very married.” — Audrey Hepburn

135. “It is impossible to love and be wise.” — Francis Bacon

136. “Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” — Joseph Barth

137. “Marriage is a risk; I think it’s a great and glorious risk, as long as you embark on the adventure in the same spirit.” — Cate Blanchett

138. “People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.” — Bob Hope

139. “To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.” — Mark Twain

140. “The highest happiness on earth is marriage.” — William Lyon Phelps

141. “What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.” — Pearl Bailey

142. “One should believe in marriage as in the immortality of the soul.” — Honoré de Balzac

143. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Joyce Brothers

144. “Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill & not doing it because you’d miss them!” — Anonymous

145. “A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other the guardian of his solitude, and shows him this confidence, the greatest in his power to bestow.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

146. “Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” — Anonymous

147. “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash

148. “Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature.” — From Letters to Juliet

149. “Marriage is a workshop….. Where husband works and wife shops.” — Anonymous

150. “Husbands and wives are so irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?” — Janet Periat

AND FINALLY……

So, these are the funniest marriage quotes which you can use in your wedding. These marriage quotes will simply add to the fun part of your wedding. You can even make your wedding speech hilarious with these funny quotes on marriage.

Happy Wedding…..

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