#and fuck. fucking fuck. i once again wish exy was real

[simonsrosebud]

my aftg fox children headcannons (guys be nice to them okay)

Dan & Matt:

They have two boys, Jace and Abram Boyd, one year apart (Abram wasn’t planned hehe) by the time Dan is 32.

Dan/Matt aren’t religious, but they still assign godparents to their kids. Jace’s godparents are Wymack and Abby, Abram’s are Neil and Renee.

At first Neil said no. He didn’t think that responsibility was something he could handle until he eventually got a call from Renee. “I know why you’re calling me” “I figured you would. I warned Matt and Dan that you may not respond in the way they wish, they don’t take it personally,” she’d said. Neil knew it wasn’t personal, but he admitted he also didn’t see the point and couldn’t be cut out for that. “I think you may misunderstand their intentions, may I try to clear it up?” Renee explained that, really, it was only a title, a glorified uncle of sorts, since the boys weren’t getting baptized and they weren’t putting their godparents in their will’s like old tradition did. “It’s a way to showcase the love and trust they have in others; you, me, Coach Wymack and Abby”. “It is an excuse to spoil them rotten,” Andrew had added when he talked to Neil. Renee told Matt to wait a bit, not to push, and a week later when Neil was randomly on the phone w Matt he said “I’ll do it, by the way. The kid thing- The godfather thing.”

Naming Abram was a struggle. They wanted something meaningful since Jace’s middle name was David. It wasn’t until Dan asked Matt what Neil’s middle name was that they got cookin. Neil was in the off season when he was born, so he drove out (accompanied by Andrew) to Atlanta from Columbia and they asked Neil when he got there.

Their backup name was Joshua (aka Josten) in case Neil wasn’t comfortable with Abram. Luckily it only took a few minutes of blue-screening for Neil to shake it off and allow it. Abram was Neil’s one real name, the one thing he’d kept all those years, the thing that made him feel grounded and safe. But Neil was 27. He hadn’t needed the name since he first moved away from PSU at 23 and was alone again. The kid deserved something safe.

ANYWAY. Jace is a certified hetero and goes to University of Miami for college. He grew up playing exy and baseball but once he was a sophomore in high school he quit exy and stuck to baseball all through high school. He’s 5’10.

Abram plays midfielder for soccer and used to play backliner for exy. Abram goes to PSU and rooms with Elliot (Andriel’s adopted kid, just wait it’ll make sense i promise), joins a campus soccer team, then makes the PSU team his sophomore year as a walk on.

Abram is 6’1. Has massive game but doesn’t use it bc he’s kinda oblivious. Very silly and energetic and comes off flirty sometimes when he’s just being nice and goofy. He later attributes it to the fact that he didn’t know he was bisexual until senior year of high school.

Abram fucking fawns over Elliot 3 months into living together bc he realizes he’s kinda in love with him. Never lets it show bc he won’t ruin their friendship and plus they share a room tg. Def foams at the mouth when Elliot comes back sweaty and shirtless from runs. Once Elliot is eating a banana and out of nowhere says “You ever eat a banana and wonder how the fuck girls suck dicks?” in the dining hall and Abram chokes on his drink so bad it comes out of his nose. Horrified.

Neil & Andrew (ik hold on):

Blake (f) and Elliot (m) Nelson.

Andriel had no intention of ever having kids bc no.

However, when Andrew and Neil are 42/43 and living in South Carolina again, Andrew notices that there are footprints in Neil’s garden. Then he sees it again and sees that the footprints continue towards the shed in the backyard. He checks their cameras to see that it’s a young girl coming and going with Neil’s electric bike a few nights a week from 12am-4am. The third time he waits inside the shed and promptly scares the living shit out of her.

QUICK VERSION: Andrew catches Blake sneaking into their backyard shed and borrowing Neil’s electric bike at night a few times a week, lets her use Neil’s old raggedy bike that hasn’t seen the light of day in years, turns a blind eye when she returns it run over, gives her bus money instead, goes back and forth with her for like 1.5 months, points out the bruise & bandages she shows up with one night while he’s sitting outside at 12am (insomnia), doesn’t see her for 2 months, shows up at the 24 hour CVS she works at 3-4 nights a week and sees the bruises on her hand and throat through her turtleneck while she thought no one was looking, threatens to call the police post-shift at 4am and sits with her through a panic attack bc “He’ll- I’m only 15, they’ll make me quit my job and we can’t to afford- and they’ll split us up, and he- Elliot won’t- he can’t- oh my god” and then takes her to his house w consent, briefs Neil bc those kids need to get out of that house but they’re not staying here, Neil who somehow takes it all without a second thought and says “well not forever, but definitely for the night”, takes Blake and Neil (awk first meeting) to Blake’s house and gets Elliot out of the house while their dad is gone (Elliot has a black eye and bruises from rough fingers on his forearm and says dad left in a rampage when he saw u were gone, and i told you that job wasn’t fucking worth it).

Elliot doesn’t trust either of the men after what his sister protected him from and doesn’t know wtf is happening bc he thought Blake had been borrowing her friend’s bike. They stay in Andriel’s guest bedroom for the day, Abby is retired by now but only lives 45 minutes away. Neil takes charge of calling her despite Andrew thinking there’s more pressing matters like kidnapping 2 teenagers. “You didn’t kidnap us, idiot, we came with you” Blake says.

Long story short, the siblings end up staying with them longer than they thought due to lawyers and police and safety.

It becomes kind of a lost and found situation. What was once “while we get legalities figured out” became “until your father’s trial is over”, which stretched into “no way they’re getting sent to XYZ” and “until they can find someone competent enough to handle trainwreck’s, they’re stuck here” and “Dan won’t care if we bring them to Thanksgiving, right?” “Amalia’s been playing exy since she could walk, Kevin, Elliot started a year ago” “Elliot knows Santa isn’t real, right? That stops at, like, 12?” “I’m not teaching her to drive, I’ll get myself killed” “If your mouth gets you kicked out of school, don’t come crying to me” “Addie & Annie keep telling Blake to spend a weekend in Atlanta” “I’m not telling her not to date, she scares me” “Just because your mother wasn’t worse doesn’t mean she was good”

Until one day, two and a half years later, Blake hands Neil an application for adoption, who tilts it towards Andrew, who silently takes it and begins to fill it out.

Blake is 5’0, Elliot is 5’9. Blake is blonde and Elliot has light brown hair, and while they’re not ghostly pale, both of them burn in the sun in .2 seconds.

Elliot does cross country and was training for a 10k when they left their dad so Neil gladly continues that. He’s in awe when he finds out who Andrew and Neil really are, not because he knows their names but bc once he watches their old games it’s like watching gods to him. He’s a true golden retriever which isn’t helped by his ADHD, anxiety and mild dyslexia, which he doesn’t get medicated for until he’s 16.

When Elliot was 13 he almost drowned in a lake bc he was never taught how to swim. When their dad found out he took him back to the lake against his will and kept tossing him in the lake until he kept himself afloat enough to pull himself up onto the dock, nearly coughing up water. It was so traumatic to a young kid that Elliot had a problem with bodies of water after that. Instead of being fine just not going in, he avoids pools or lakes entirely. Beaches are give or take since he can sit far up on the sand.

Elliot watches exy with Neil and feels cool about it; latches onto King instantly and vice versa bc she’s an ESA and his anxiety is through the roof half the time.

Elliot gels very quickly with Jace and Abram when Andriel brings them to Thanksgiving at the Boyd’s house. Once he gets the boys’ numbers they add him and Blake to the groupchat they have with Kateaaron’s, Kevin’s, and Allison’s kids.

Later, when Elliot goes to college at PSU, he and Abram room together. They become even more attached at the hip (impossible) and Elliot becomes infatuated with Abram in a totally normal way that he eventually figures out by spring break is definitely bc he wants to fuck him. But Elliot is chaotic and too anxiety ridden to ever make a move so he bides his time being innocently flirty that comes off as being silly, and doesn’t complain when Abram wraps his arms around him or lets him sleep back to back in Abram’s bed after Elliot has a bad nightmare or can’t turn his brain off at night.

Eventually, sophomore year when they live in a house with 3 other guys, Elliot climbs into Abram’s bed face down after a night out, almost half on top of Abram. They’re literally both so drunk. “You’re in my bed,” Elliot slurs. “S’my bed, babe”. Elliot lifts himself up on his elbow over Abram’s (warm and shirtless) chest. “Who you callin babe?” Abram giggles lowly and Elliot leans down and kisses his cheek, “You can be my babe, babe” he boops Abram’s nose and giggles drunkenly, and his head is dipped low already when he lets his lips lightly press down on Abram’s chin, simply touching, before actually pressing a kiss there after a second. Abram’s hand comes up just as he presses that second kiss down, tangling into Elliot’s hair, and when Elliot pulls his head back up Abram’s grip tightens. Abram tilts his chin up and kisses just beside Elliot’s mouth, pulling him down fully and kissing him deep after the two pause against each other for less than a moment.

Aka, they hardcore make out. We’re talking ass grabbing, lib biting, neck sucking, Elliot straddling Abram, a bit of dry humping, Abram pressing him down into the mattress and moving down to-

Anyway, when they wake up Elliot runs to the bathroom connected to Abram’s room to throw up, and when he notices Abram come to the doorway he says “Dude, you sucked my dick” into the toilet bowl “you’re, like, really good at it, too” immediately wretches again. And it’s probs the hazy hangovers, but Abram says, “Yeah, been wanting to do that for a while” “Thank god, I’ve been dreaming about you doing that since last year… Hey, B?” Abram hums and Elliot doesn’t even lift his face from his arms over the toilet seat before asking “Wanna go out with me?” cue gagging, but luckily Abram splashes his face w water and leans down to just kiss the back of Elliot’s neck “oh that was hot” Elliot mumbles. “Yes, I’ll go out with you” “Thanks… Hey B?” another hum “Can you start the shower and also kill me while you’re at it?” “Whatever you want, babe”

Junior year Abram has to live at Fox Tower but Elliot and the other 3 guys stick together. Except Abram is closer with these guys so he ends up sleeping in Elliot’s bed like 4-5 nights a week. Elliot is an absolute THEIF of clothes too, like if Abram comes over he’s going home without a hoodie.

Elliot calls him B or Bram, most recently babe. Abram calls him baby, El, and sometimes sugar when they’re alone.

Blake is queer too which Neil gets really relieved by because how tf do u give a girl the talk. Turns out Andrew had already done it bluntly and against her will when she first went on a date at 16.

Blake doesn’t go to uni but gets her associates at a community college and Allison somehow gets her an internship with a PR agency, shocking considering her no-filter and sailors mouth.

Aaron & Katelyn:

They have identical twin girls: Annalise and Addison.

The twins are… not planned… they’re 26 and Aaron’s in his last semester of med school while Katelyn is nearing the end of her first year of residency (bc exy players 5th year). Thankfully Aaron had already been matched with the hospital Katelyn was at for his residency.

Aaron gets genuinely terrified when she tells him over the phone like 3 days before he was due to visit. He calls Andrew bc it’s too soon and this isn’t supposed to happen and he doesn’t know how to be a parent when the only one he had was a piece of shit and it’s the first time Andrew hears him audibly diss Tilda without adding “but she was my mom”. Andrew doesn’t say much, but he does say “You had a terrible childhood, yes?” “I mean, yeah” “Good. Don’t replicate it, and maybe yours won’t hate you.” and it’s enough.

All of this is thrown out the window when they find out they’re having twins. Aaron almost faints.

Annalise’s nickname is Annie and sometimes Anna by school friends. She has zero preference between the three options.

Addison rarely gets called her full name other than teachers, gets called Addie.

Andrew calls them both by their full names.

Katelyn has no middle name, so when her and Aaron get married she made Mackenzie her middle name and took Aaron’s surname.

Aaron calls his girls Ad/Addie-baby and Anna-bear.

Addie’s middle name is Mackenzie, Annie’s is Nichola…. you know why🥹

When Katelyn has to full name them she’ll typically yell “Annalise Nick!” and “Mackenzie!”

Aaron didn’t like the nickname Annie bc she’s a redhead and “orphan annie” felt weird bc he and Andrew are orphans. But Katelyn loved the name and it came naturally from others so he got over it.

Addie is bisexual aromantic. Annie is straight.

Addie goes to University of Georgia, and Annie goes to PSU for their really good speech pathology program (the twins are a year older than Jace/Blake and 2 years older than Abram/Elliot so Annie was the first kid to go to PSU).

The twins grew up in Chicago until they were 11, then moved to Atlanta, Georgia. Since they’re close to U Georgia, Addie tells her parents they’re only allowed to visit when she says so she’s not suffocated. Annie is more of a homebody so she not only loves that Dan is at PSU, but would let Kateaaron visit every weekend if they wanted (daddy’s girl).

Allison:

Maybe she gets married maybe she doesn’t, regardless I like to think she doesn’t for a while and ends up adopting a 3 year old named Sabrina.

Sabrina grows up to be a natural honey blonde just like Allison and coincidentally has her same smokey grey eyes.

Queen of nicknames: Sab, Bri, Brina, Briners, Reynolds.

Sabrina never puts a label on her sexuality and is pretty fluid with it, just doesn’t rlly give a fuck.

Grows up in Miami but they go to NYC every winter break and normally 1-2 times every summer. Grew up traveling with Allison but not enough that it affects her childhood.

Goes to NYU. Eventually helps Allison run, design, model for her fashion empire.

Has like a million followers on Instagram, has modeled for Victoria Secret, has been a brand ambassador for Moschino and goes to Paris fashion week w Allison every year once she’s 16.

Since the Foxes go on vacation every summer together, Sabrina grows up very close with the twin girls since they’re the same age. Brina and Addie *experimented* together when they were younger bc they didn’t wanna go to college not knowing anything. Since then, every time they see each other they end up hooking up. They’re very touchy feely with one another, but Brina is kinda like that anyway. Addie only tolerates her and Annie being like that.

They jokingly call their situation “best friends who bone”. Realistically, they’re in a (long distance lol) queerplatonic relationship that just includes sex. Annie secretly thinks Sabrina is aro as well but keeps it to herself bc it doesn’t matter to label it.

Kevin & Thea:

Amalia Day🫶🏼

Youngest of the kids, 3 years younger than Abram/Elliot. They weren’t necessarily concerned with the prospect of kids, so she isn’t born until Kevin is 32 and Thea is 36, not even a full year after she retires due to one too many knee injuries. She goes to Kevin one day after practice and kinda straight up says, “I want a child- No” she cuts him off “I’m 36, I want to be a mother, I want to be a mother with you, and I don’t want to be seventy when she goes off to college” but Kevin just says “She?” “Yes, I’m not bringing another spitting image of Kevin Day into this world”.

Clearly, they do have a girl. Despite Thea’s blunt and sometimes abrasive approach to some things, she takes to being a mother with all the gentle-ness that Kevin remembers of his own, and it’s enough to calm him about being a father (bc we all know Kevin was shitting his pants the whole time).

Amalia is tanner than Kayleigh was, but it’s unnerving how similar she looks to Kayleigh. It makes Wymack a complete pushover for her (though he always says no at first just to say he did).

Amalia grows up playing exy, of course, but also soccer and dance which pains Kevin and Thea reminds him to stfu. Thankfully for him, she’s really fucking good at Exy and gives up dance by the time she’s 8 and soccer by 11.

Plays for the US Teen Exy All Stars team (idk made it up). She plays offensive dealer. Her playing becomes Kevin’s dare I say obsession, but he becomes good (by force of Wymack, Thea, Andrew and surprisingly Jean) at being normal about it- not forcing exy down her throat and pressuring her. It’s good that she’s not a striker living up to Kevin’s legacy.

Amalia makes a Twitter when she’s 16 and it lasts about 3 weeks until Kevin finds out and makes her give him her password to monitor the account. Smart, giving the family’s status and her age, but she acts like it’s the end of the world.

If it wasn’t for Wymack, she would probably be an entitled brat. He keeps her humble along with the other kids.

Terrible fucking driver. Like holy shit.

Thea learned French over the years, so they raise her speaking English and French. As a teen she says she wishes she spoke German instead since Andrew, Aaron, Neil, Nicky, Erik, Annie, Addie, and Blake (eventually) all speak it.

She eventually goes to play for USC Trojans, plays pro, and goes to the Olympics as a 4th year senior in college.

Ages:

Sabrina Reynolds, the twins

Blake/Jace

Elliot/Abram

Amalia

All the kids are one year apart, with Amalia the youngest at 3 years younger than the boys and 5 years younger than Sabrina.

That’s all folks holy shit this was long. Maybe I’ll expand on it soon

[cosmiccowboystuddies]

the sunshine court notes

first things first riko needed to be brutally beaten to death, a shot was too quick

renee talked like a fortune cookie and it was pissing me off

i wish we got more of Wymack and Jean, it was very nice of him to get on the plane with Jean

jean immediately getting annoyed with basic life is really funny

jean is also really sassy and hilarious

also something weird happened in jeremeys house

my personally theory is that he had a sibling who died and his family thinks its his fault

like maybe an accident or maybe the sibling overheard something that they weren't supposed to and his sibling had to die as a result

whatever happened the butler knows about it and is trying to protect him

and whatever happened had to be bad because the act of dying his hair had his family ban him from the dinner table

neil believing his relationship with andrew as a strength his really good for his character, considering his mom was so keen on him not forming any connections

the fact that jean actually considered reaching out to his sister, only for him to learn that she was dead breaks me every time

and neil using her to force him into a belief that he doesn't deserve to belong to anyone but himself was a necessary cruelty.

i also like that Jeremey was the one who telling him about Rikos death was good

jean has no agency in the entire 1st act of the book, he is taken from the nest and basically held captive, then he is forced to go to the sunshine court, which he doesn't like but has to

the foxes all hide info from jean for his own good

and jeremey being the one to tell him is nice because jeremey is his first taste of freedom

jean talking about his abuse in such a casual manner is horrifying bc he thinks its so normal and its horrifying

" i didn't ask" broke me in so many ways because Jean doesn't particularly trust jeremey at the time, nor did it slip out while he was angry, he just said it so casually like it was normal

At first i felt bad for Lucas, but not so much anymore.

he was a sympathetic character who was trying to straddle a thin line of having faith in his captain and who he belives is a violent stranger and his brother who is not the same boy he know

but bringing Greyson to jean was soo fucking stupid it pisses me off

and the fact that jean wasn't even really fighting back, just trying to protect himself is upsetting

also the imagery of him punching the keypad over and over again just trying to get out is gutting

jean isn't a dog who bites, he's a dog who puts his foot to the fire because he believes that he is supposed to do

the water scene was sad as well because he was trying so hard to behave but physically could not

also Jeremey and really most people on the team meet his violence with unflinching kindness is really sweet

i also appreciate how jeremey doesn't force jean to talk about his trauma or even takes the notes from him, jean has had little to no control in his life since he was 15 and forcing him to talk about it when he wasn't ready would have made it worse

and jean asking jeremey to pretend was sweet and what was even sweeter when he did

jean learning to cook is nice as well because he needs life skills

theory for book 2: jeremey buys jean his freedom and jean becomes an exy coach ( more of a pipe dream i guess)

i also think Greyson will kill lucas

jeremeys saving grace being the thought of his sister deserving better is horrifying

i wish we got more of his relationship with Zane

neil is a real one because Jean compared Greyson to drake once, and Neil took care of it for him

jean being afraid of sleeping alone is so sad because he's basically been trained to sleep next to someone

and the fact that he has nighmares, but they are hardly mentioned, and jeremey is the one to bring it up is so sad

also kevin should have tried harder to reach out to jean

jean pushed away the foxes because he knew they would eventually leave him too

jean being steadfast in the idea that if he plays a good game he will have momentary peace is heartbreaking

jean holding onto his talent despite people thinking he slept his way to the top is also upsetting

i hope we get a zane and jean reunion bc i think they truly cared for each other

maybe kevin sends jean a postcard and a magnet and they can reconnect

also him realizing his very limited possesions have been destroyed made me almost cry

and the magnet scene with jeremey is very sad, but him realizing the magnets are broken make him realize that he is

kevin and jean still both being afraid of riko is telling bc riko is dead

let me know what yall thought... always willing to talk about all for the game.

[thespineoftherighteous]

Katelyn.

headcanons cause I have Thoughts about her

she's super into exy (as a fan more than as a cheerleader) and actually follows exy teams and leagues, more than most of the foxes even do (she 100% had a proper fangirl moment over Kevin)

(after they get married she teases Aaron that she's been playing him the long run this whole time and the only reason she ever dated him was because she was counting on the fact that eventually he would have connections to get her free tickets to watch pro games. which he does. begrudgingly. which means he goes to every one of Kevin, Andrew, Neil and Matt's games when they play in the area. begrudgingly.)

it's canon that she is very talkative, especially around new people, and though she has a way of it being not annoying to most people, she's never fazed with being told to pipe down

on that note, once her and Nicky are properly acquainted and get to know each other they immediately hit it off and it's family family

but that's nothing to how she is with the girls

although the girls have been through things together that Katelyn could never really understand, they immediately took her in once Aaron became more okay with bringing her around

Dan tells Katelyn how grateful she is for her because, well, obviously Neil is not the only one who noticed how much lighter Aaron gets when Katelyn is around. and Dan tells her as much and that, even though he still tends to act like he can't stand the rest of them, Aaron is still one of her foxes, someone she considers family. so to know that he has someone he can lean on is very important to her

(Katelyn does not get maybe a little bit quiet or emotional hearing this and she does not maybe say something to Aaron about that later and that does not surprise or confuse Aaron even a little bit to know that Dan thinks about him like that. not at all)

they have sleepovers regularly. sometimes they gossip about the boys, sometimes they gossip about the vixens, lots of times Allison and Renee end up throwing pillows at Dan and Katelyn because how did the conversation turn to exy stats again, sometimes (if they get drunk enough) Katelyn tries to teach them cheers. most of the time Allison ends up strutting around in Katelyn's uniform and whining when she has to take it off.

her relationship with Andrew is something that always troubles her. given her own background and her experience with the Foxes, she recognizes how delicate their situation is and even though everyone tells her to leave it be she still wishes there was something to do to make one of the most important people in Aaron's life hate her..not so much.

idk if it's the fanon that's affected me but I like to think that the vixens have similarly (to some extent) fucked up backgrounds as the foxes, so Katelyn has sharp edges to her and is notorious for snapping at people and has often had to be pulled back by someone on the squad and away from a fight she was having with a crowd member

Neil had no intention (zero) or desire to ever befriend her past the point of general decency. but they end up developing a very casual siblingish type relationship and are very easy around each other. (she's one of, like, five non-Foxes whose number Neil has)

she's wicked smart and does really well in school

but she's amazing at putting on the Dumb Cheerleader act to fuck with assholes or to get shit out of people

she's one of those girls that always smells really good and when you walk past them on the street you do a double take because omg

she goes nuts when Aaron picks her up (esp after games, like in tkm)

one time (for spirit week or some shit idk) the vixens decided to wear the jersey of their favorite player to encourage fans to buy more jerseys. Aaron told her he'd give her one of his real ones [ ;) ] so she wouldn't have to buy one but she insisted that it would be 1. not fair given that the rest of the squad had to buy theirs and 2. hypocritical, given that the whole intention was to get people to buy more

you can imagine his indignation when homie showed up to the pregame chaos with the other vixens, not in a 'Minyard #5' jersey but a 'Wilds #1' one, grinning devilishly at him as he paused on his way to greet her

Dan brushed past him with a "haHAA looking good girly" and got to Katelyn first, smothering her in a hug

"that is...not what a supportive girlfriend is supposed to do."

"sorry babe," she responded gleefully. "but if makes you feel better you were definitely my top third choice."

"i- third??"

"well the captain was first, obviously. [winks at Dan] and then, well every Kevin Day fan should have a Kevin Day jersey and you know how big of a fan I've been for years"

*disgruntled Aaron noises*

Matt passes by as he runs laps to warm up and Katelyn waves and turns around to point at the name on the back of her shirt. he stops for an approving fist bump and a: "nice fit. I might need to steal that."

Katelyn: only if I can steal your girlfriend

*more disgruntled Aaron noises*

Dan joins Matt as he continues his laps and Aaron finally greets Katelyn properly

"next game I'll wear yours, I promise." her voice is muffled from within their hug. "and the next one and the next one and the next one..."

"yeah yeah." maybe he's smiling a little now too

"that is, if you're still willing to give me one of yours?"

"absolutely not. buy it yourself."

I digress

[nekojitachan]

For some reason I was inspired to write more of ‘The Real Thing’. No clue why....

I thought this was going to be really short, too. Ha.

We’re starting to move things along, time-wise and plot-wise. Seriously.

Last part can be found here.

*******

“So, uhm, how are things going there? I mean, outside of the games, you Ravens are on the usual winning streak and they’re already talking about you making Court with the way you’re shutting down the goal whenever you’re playing, but with classes and… uhm, well, with Nathaniel?”

If Nicky didn’t sound as if he expected Andrew to yell at him at any moment, Andrew would tell him to fuck off and hang up. However, Nicky insisted on sending him care packages (and sappy A/B/O books, which Nathaniel continued to ask him about and allowed Andrew to invent ridiculous answers in return) and checking up on him, so… so Andrew humored his cousin.

(Or something like that.)

“I should make the dean’s list this semester and Nate’s fine,” Andrew said as he fought the urge to tap his fingers against the top of his desk.

“Hmm, just fine? He’s your soulmate.”

Once again, Andrew wished that he could have slit Riko’s throat before the prick had announced to the world that Nathaniel was his soulmate, even as at the same time he felt a deeply buried hint of satisfaction over knowing that everyone referred to Nathaniel as ‘his’.

He needed a drink.

“He’s fine,” Andrew repeated. “Still breathing and has all of his limbs.” All of his very attractive, very flexible limbs.

“That’s not- oh fine.” Nicky was definitely sulking on the other end of the line. “You could be a bit more romantic about finding your other half, you know.”

“Why? He’s my other half.”

“Exactly.” Nicky’s tone softened as he spoke that word. It was quiet for a few seconds before he spoke again. “Uhm, you hear from Aaron lately?”

Andrew didn’t say anything as he thought about how his twin continued to avoid him.

“Ah, yeah, okay.” Now Nicky sounded sad. “He’ll… he’ll come around. It’s difficult, not knowing where one’s soulmate is when everyone else has found theirs,” he tried to explain. “He’s feeling a bit jealous right now.”

Why would Aaron feel jealous? Andrew had moved away from California and given up any chance of a family he might have with Cass because of his brother (even if it included Drake), had gotten rid of Tilda for Aaron (who really should pay attention when making bargains), had joined the Ravens… well, partially because of the scholarship extended to Aaron (and partially because of the north star mark on his left forearm).

“It’s time for practice,” Andrew lied, unwilling to talk anymore.

“Oh, okay. Tell Nathaniel I said ‘hi’! I can’t wait to meet him, maybe during the holiday-“

Andrew hung up on his insane cousin before Nicky could go any further with that ridiculous plan, then completed his English homework. Ben had gone off to one of the study rooms to talk to his family, and returned a few minutes before the afternoon practice started (for real) with a disgruntled expression on his face.

When Andrew arched an eyebrow over the way his roommate slammed his books onto his desk, Ben huffed and shook his head. “Riko’s being even more of his ‘I’m the captain, do what I say or else’ self.” When Andrew’s drug-induced smile flattened, Ben shook his head again, that time with more vigor. “Nate wasn’t involved! He went after Jordon because of his performance this morning, and then got even angrier when Kevin tried to step in.”

As long as Nathaniel was all right. “What else is new?” Riko had become a nagging little bitch (more of a nagging little bitch) as the season progressed, as he became obsessed with ensuring that the Ravens led not only their district but the entire Class I division in points, as he excelled in both the collegiate and professional leagues.

Which meant that he became a bitter little bitch whenever he felt that he wasn’t given his due as the best striker in all of Exy, whenever someone stole his thunder (especially if it was his own partner) or if he believed that his teammates were lacking. Which meant that the Ravens had to put up with the psychotic prick’s mercurial moods.

Had Andrew said moods? More like tantrums.

At least as long as Andrew continued to either shut down the goal entirely during his time on court (not always possible) or limit the other team to one or two points, then Riko left him (and Nathaniel) alone. Well, the prick wasn’t happy when he ‘politely’ (meaning didn’t shove a knife in their ribs) reminded people to keep their fucking hands off Nathaniel, but it was still possible to play a game with a concussion or broken fingers.

Ben managed a weak chuckle at Andrew’s statement, then they left for practice; Andrew didn’t see Nathaniel or Jean in the locker room, which meant that they were already out on court. That wasn’t too much of a surprise since as part of Riko’s ‘perfect court’, they were expected to put in extra effort (to live up to the ‘perfect’ part), but it also meant that a certain prick expected more of them.

Andrew didn’t exactly run out of the locker room, but he managed a fast-paced ‘saunter’ that got him to the court before the rest of the team. He was just in time to notice a very familiar flush to his soulmate’s cheeks and gleam in those startling blue eyes as Nathaniel watched on while Riko tore into Kevin about – well, Andrew didn’t really give a shit about what, just stopping Nathaniel from getting into trouble.

“Why don’t you-“

“There’s my sweetpea!” Andrew called out right before he used his racquet as an improvised hook to draw Nathaniel towards him; Jean jumped at the loud noise then scoffed at his actions. “Got a kiss for your honeybun?”

“I’ve got a knife for your belly,” Nathaniel gritted out, yet he allowed Andrew to ‘reel’ him in. “What did I say about calling me that?”

Andrew pretended to think about the demand for a moment. “Okay, snugglewoogums.”

Behind them, Jean tried to turn a chuckle into a cough while Riko finally stopped berating Kevin. Nathaniel gave Andrew an incredibly pained look before he shook his head in defeat. “Fine, stick with the first one,” he spat as he ducked his head.

Aware of Riko’s attention on them, Andrew allowed his grin and tone to take on a salacious edge. “I told you I always get my way.” He smacked his soulmate on the ass with the handle of his racquet, well aware that he’d get an earful (and more threats about being filleted) later on, while Riko grinned in approval.

“It seems we finally found someone to tame our wild #3,” Riko taunted; for a moment, Andrew worried that it would set off his soulmate, but Nathaniel glanced over at Kevin, who had hurried to get the rest of the team ready for practice (and away from Riko), and seemed to decide to let the snide comment slide since things had settled down.

It was the usual Ravens’ practice after that (of which Andrew was So. Damn. Bored); going over the Ravens’ drills (and being caned by Tetsuji for any mistakes), followed by learning a new play or two (and being caned for not paying attention) and then a few scrimmages (and more caning for mistakes). Riko was quick to pounce on any players he felt weren’t up to the team’s demanding standards, to the point that Andrew was certain that he wasn’t the only one looking forward to the next time the asshole left for a Wildcats’ game.

As expected, Nathaniel dragged Andrew off to a table in the far corner of the dining hall after practice; no one paid any attention to him eating with his soulmate and Jean anymore, while Ben was fine having his meals with Leif and Toby (who actually said more than two words at a time to him). Jean sat with his back to the other Ravens, which helped to block any curious gazes, while Nathaniel glared as he jabbed a chopstick at the grilled tofu lying on top of his bowl of seasoned rice. “Laying it on a bit thick earlier, weren’t you?” He pitched his voice low so it wouldn’t carry very far. “Honeybun?” There was enough malice in the ‘nickname’ to choke a horse (too bad it didn’t choke Andrew and give him an excuse to skip dinner).

Andrew grunted as he contemplated flinging his own piece of tofu as far across the dining hall as possible. “Oh, did you and Valjean want to be beaten for pissing off Riko today?” It was a bit of a low blow to drag Jean into things, but the best way to prove his point.

Nathaniel appeared guilty while Jean gave him a warning look for such dirty tactics, which Andrew ignored. “He’s being a real asshole to Kevin lately for no reason.”

Other than being a jealous, insecure prick, but what else was new? “Kevin’s a big boy, let him take care of himself.”

“Kevin can’t fend for himself once off an Exy court or outside a press conference,” Nathaniel muttered, which made Jean chuckle. “But whatever,” he said when Andrew narrowed his eyes. “You done with your homework for the day?”

“Yes, you?”

Nathaniel nodded. “You… uhm, coming back to the room with us?” He kept poking at the disgusting slab of tofu while a hint of blush spread across his sharp cheekbones.

Despite the fact that Andrew basically went to Nathaniel’s room every night after dinner (unless it was a game night), he nodded and forced his attention on his own dinner while Nathaniel murmured ‘good’ and Jean looked as if he was about to get up and leave the table in disgust.

The rest of the meal passed in silence.

Once they reached the relative peace and safety (relative) of Nathaniel’s room, he pulled out the German language books which Nicky had sent Andrew (oh how his cousin had been delighted to know that Nathaniel had wanted to improve upon his slight knowledge of the language) so they could work on it that night; they’d taken to alternating between German and French in the last few weeks. Between Andrew’s eidetic memory and Nathaniel’s almost uncanny ability to learn languages, they were progressing rapidly between the two.

(Andrew wanted to know what the hell his soulmate and Jean were saying all the time – and to be warned by Jean if necessary – and to talk to Nathaniel privately.)

Andrew sat on Nathaniel’s bed, all too aware of how close they were to each other, as they went through the lessons that Nathaniel had worked on earlier that day and his pronunciation (which was damn good). They were in the middle of a short dialogue (asking for directions) when Nathaniel’s phone pinged, which was a rare occasion; almost everyone he knew was in the Nest, and his father certainly didn’t bother to talk to him.

Nathaniel’s brows drew together in a puzzled expression as he looked at his phone; Andrew noticed how Jean paused in reading a book to give his partner a worried glance. “I won’t be able to watch the game on Friday,” Nathaniel announced after texting back a response. “Ichirou wants me in the East Tower to translate.”

Andrew felt a wave of… of something dark and possessive and primordial slam into him as a wide smile spread across his face. “Oh, how wonderful, fun Moriyama time. Will Nathan be there to play as well?” He could easily (oh so easily) remember the bruises which had littered lovely ‘Nat’s’ face after his last father’s visit.

Nathaniel twitched at the response, which earned a muttered curse from Jean. “I… no.” Nathaniel shook his head, which caused the workbook in his lap to slip onto the bed and his dark auburn curls to flash through the air. “He doesn’t… not when Ichirou… no.”

The incoherence was a sign of how upset he was, as was the way his hands twisted in the hem of the overlarge black sweatshirt he wore; aware of how he was the cause of such disturbance, Andrew found himself reaching to thread his fingers through those mussed curls without a thought, to leaning forward until he felt his soulmate’s breath warm against his face, until he could see the flecks of pale grey swirl in those icy blue eyes….

A manic part of him urged him on to kiss his soulmate, to feel something, to take whatever he could – for a moment he almost gave into it, too. Then he noticed the naked emotion on Nathaniel’s face, the odd mix of trust and confusion, and found himself leaning back even as his hand wrapped around his soulmate’s nape.

(NathanielwasapipedreamwasmaybetooperfectforhimbutifhetookhimnowlikeTHISthenhe’ddefinitelyneverknowifadreamcouldbecomereality)

“Be certain,” Andrew said, his voice thick for some reason. “Because I feel that I’m due an introduction with your father for some reason, an introduction where I have a very sharp or heavy object in my hand which I make very familiar with him many, many times.”

His soulmate gazed at him for several seconds as if trying to make sense of the words before he gave up and rested his forehead on Andrew’s shoulder. When Andrew glanced at Jean, the French bastard shook his head. “I’m putting my money on the Butcher, not a runt like you.”

“He’s an old man,” Andrew sneered.

“An old man who’s used to fighting off overreaching fools. Up your game, Minyard.”

Andrew gave him the bird while he combed the fingers of his other hand through Nathaniel’s hair; once he realized what he was doing, he forced his hands away from his soulmate. Nathaniel blinked at the loss of contact then slowly rose from the bed. “Aah, it’s late,” he said as he walked toward the bathroom.

Jean waited until the door closed behind him and there was the sound of water running to lean forward and gaze at Andrew. “He doesn’t say much about what happens up in the Tower, but I know that Ichirou doesn’t let Nathan touch him,” he told Andrew, his deep voice quiet in the small room. “Kengo doesn’t stop the bastard at all, but Ichirou does.”

Andrew thought about that as he gathered up the German language books then placed them on Nathaniel’s desk. “Why?” Why did Ichirou protect Nathaniel?

Jean shook his head. “I don’t know, and I don’t think Nat does, either.”

Yet another question to add to the growing pile of them, but at least Andrew knew that Nathaniel should be safe that Friday. Should. He’d have to wait for a better answer after their game with the University of Vermont’s Catamounts.

(When he was alone, with his soulmate, without any drugs in his system….).

Except things didn’t exactly go that way – Andrew should be used to life fucking up his plans by then. After all but shutting down the goal except for one point during his time out on court, he’d dealt with the usual post-game bullshit, showered, changed and was about to head to Nathaniel’s room (well aware of the clock ticking down on his drug-free moments) when Akagi insisted that he follow the assistant coach to Tetsuji’s office.

He was ready to ignore the man, except Aaron’s name was mentioned.

Well aware that he hadn’t seen his brother in class that morning, Andrew pushed aside the urge to tell the Moriyama lackey to ‘fuck off’ (along with the growing sense of nausea) and tagged along; the rare burst of true anger helped to push back the withdrawal that sunk vicious claws into his nerves until they sizzled with an aching itch that wasn’t quite pain.

Not yet, at least.

Andrew found his twin, bleary-eyed and reeking of alcohol, standing hunched over as to make himself appear even smaller in Tetsuji’s office with some middle-aged man who turned out to be the Dean of Science. He stood there and listened while Tetsuji basically talked the man out of evicting Aaron from Edgar Allan because of the stupid prank he and his ‘friends’ had done due earlier that evening to the stabilizing effect (what a fucking joke) he had on one of the Ravens’ most promising players, and that Tetsuji was certain that he could find something to keep Aaron busy so such an incident wasn’t repeated.

From the look Tetsuji gave Andrew, he knew that such a thing better not happen again, and that he’d be paying for the ‘Master’s’ intervention.

“How could you be so stupid,” he hissed in German while the two men hashed out the details of Aaron’s new ‘work study’ position.

Aaron wavered on his feet while he shook his head. “I didn’t- why the fuck do you care?” he whispered back.

Because the Moriyamas never did anything for free. Because the price better not involve Nathaniel. Because Andrew was always cleaning up for his twin. “You were supposed to stay out of trouble.” Andrew had done what he could to keep track of his brother while on campus, but that task had grown almost impossible between juggling classes, being a Raven, Nathaniel, and Aaron ignoring him the past few weeks. “Not break into-“

“You have everything,” Aaron turned to give him a look that was pure jealousy. “They’re already talking about you making Court, you found your soulmate, what else is there? I’ve got nothing.”

He certainly didn’t have any brains, Andrew thought with growing bitterness. He had a scholarship to pursue his dreams of being a doctor, he had the brother he’d begged for along with the second chance of a future. ‘Nothing’ indeed.

However, it seemed that Tetsuji and the other guy were finished, so away Aaron went, leaving Andrew to find out what he owed for his brother’s latest folly. “I suggest making him clean the bathrooms,” Andrew said as he struggled not to fidget from the growing drug withdrawals.

Tetsuji regarded him in that flat, ‘you are worthless to me’ manner which made him such a cheerful fellow for a few seconds before he leaned back in his big leather chair. “I know about the deal you made with my nephew, both about Nathaniel and being off your medication while on court.” His thick brows drew together very slightly, the only hint of disapproval on his usually mask-like face; if it were during a practice session, Andrew would expect the bastard’s cane to be brought down on him at any moment. “You shouldn’t need any incentive to do your best during a game, but one can be… irrational in regards to their soulmate.”

One could also be irrational as fuck in regards to their psychotic nephew, but Andrew (for once) kept his mouth shut, considering what had happened in the past few minutes, and considering the reference to Nathaniel.

(Oh, was it difficult, though.)

Tetsuji nodded once, as if pleased by his silence. “Your performance on court is exemplary and has helped the team to have one of their best seasons in years. Upon comparing it to how you play during scrimmages, I believe you were correct when you told Riko that you play best when off your medication. That’s why I’ve had Dr. Gale submit a recommendation that you’ve improved enough in the last few months and no longer need it.”

That… was not what Andrew had expected to hear. “He can do that?” He was supposed to have weekly sessions with the psychiatrist, per the whole court sentencing thing, but one of the very few good things about having signed with the Ravens was, due to the hectic practice schedule, after attending a couple of them, the weekly visits had just… stopped. Dr. Gale would swing by the court once a week to technically ‘see’ Andrew, but that was that, and nothing else was said about the matter.

“He already has; along with the recommendations from your professors and me, it’s expected to be approved.” Tetsuji gave him an intent look. “You’ll be checked in to a local rehabilitation center over the winter break and return in time for the spring semester to play unmedicated.”

On one hand, Andrew felt an odd fluttering in his chest at the thought of being off the damn medication early, in no longer having to take it (in being done with it earlier than expected after he’d found Nathaniel). On the other hand, he was being told to do something, and while he wasn’t the twin studying medicine, he could do a quick bit of math and realized that winter break didn’t give him a lot of time to come off an additive drug.

(But Aaron had done it, so why couldn’t he?)

His innate nature to do the opposite of what he’d been told struggled with the fact that this was what not only he owed to keep Aaron at Edgar Allan but was what he wanted as well; after several seconds, he gave the ‘Master’ a curt nod.

Tetsuji nodded once in return. “Prepare accordingly,” was all he said before he motioned for Andrew to leave.

Andrew didn’t waste any time doing just that.

Nathaniel appeared anxious when he reached his soulmate’s room but didn’t ask any questions. He took one look at Andrew and got out of the way as Andrew went straight to the bathroom so he could take the damn medication (only for a little longer) and get ready for bed. When Andrew came out several minutes later, it was to find that Nathaniel had switched out the sheets for him on Jean’s bed.

“Uhm, everything okay?” Nathaniel asked, his expression uncertain.

Andrew took a moment to check that his soulmate was unharmed (at least physically), that the only bruises on him were a couple fading ones from practice earlier in the week. “Long day.” He was too tired right then to talk about Aaron, Ichirou and winter break, too… it was too much. It would wait until morning.

Yet all Nathaniel did was give him a slight, earnest smile and went to fetch something from his desk. “Okay. Ah, here.” He handed over a small bundle wrapped in a black cloth napkin, a hint of pink on his cheeks. “There were snacks and since it was Ichirou… I was able to bring something back I thought you might like. Good night.” That done, he hurried over to his bed.

Andrew stared after him for moment before he unwrapped the napkin to reveal a large chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting drizzled with caramel, topped with a chocolate raven. Despite the slight upheaval to his stomach from before and the fact that he’d just brushed his teeth, Andrew felt his mouth begin to salivate and sat down on the bed so he could spread the napkin over his lap.

The cupcake was delicious, was the best thing he’d tasted in weeks, was a chocolate overload that made him want to groan in delight. Once he was done licking the last trace of buttercream from his fingers, he glanced over at his soulmate, who was pretending to be asleep. “Thanks, sweetpea. Next time, grab at least two.”

Nathaniel made an adorable growling sound before he spoke. “Sure, the more poison, the better,” he grumbled before he jerked the bedding higher up his narrow shoulders.

Andrew began to count the days left until winter break as he crawled beneath blankets.

*******

Excited for what happens in the next few parts. I always knew how this was going to end, but had a flash of actual dialogue the other night and... YES.

[percontaion-points]

Raven King chapter 15

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 15

The ride was silent, but the first sight of Castle Evermore had Neil's blood humming in recognition. Evermore looked more like a monument than a stadium, and its jet-black paint job made it even more imposing. It was half-again as big as the Foxhole Court.

WE GET IT, THEY'RE EVIL. MOVE ON ALREADY.

I'm fucking tired of seeing this bullshit.

A line of cars was already parked at the curb. Neil wished he was surprised that they were all identical. Even the custom license plates were only a couple digits off from each other. Neil stared hard at them until he thought he figured out the sequence. The EA had to be Edgar Allan, and the numbers following

were class years and jersey numbers.

"This isn't a team," Neil said. "It's a cult."

Well, somebody had to fucking say it.

"Take a look at the sky. You won't see it again until you leave."

"I've seen it," Neil said.

Nothing quite like some illegal restraint.

It might have been Neil's decision to go, but that doesn't mean he wasn't under the threat of his friend being murdered.

"I can't even keep my ten?" Neil asked.

"Unimportant Ravens wear double-digits," Jean said. "Riko's inner circle does not.”

I feel like I'm past the point where I'm pointing out how innacurate that this is. I DON'T EVEN LIKE SPORTS, BUT I SOMEHOW KNOW MORE ABOUT THEM THAN THE LADY WHO WROTE A SPORT SERIES.

Tetsuji didn't stop beating him until he finally passed out.

CAN'T POSSIBLY IMAGINE WHY PEOPLE WOULD WANT TO LEAVE THIS TEAM. IT'S GOT SUCH NICE PEOPLE WHO DON'T BEAT PEOPLE INTO BLACKING OUT.

The Ravens' afternoon practice ran for four hours, and Neil was in no shape for any of it. He'd been unconscious through the two hours the Ravens took for lunch; he only woke when Jean dumped a pitcher of icy water over his head. Neil was too delirious and sore to get changed out, so Jean had to force most of the gear onto him. Neil struggled, but Jean dug cruel fingers into Neil's fresh bruises to stop him. Jean had to haul Neil up to the court. It wasn't until Jean shoved a racquet into his hands that Neil truly realized that yes, he was expected to play.

They put him on as a backliner, and Neil failed spectacularly. He hadn't played defense in almost nine years and he was in too bad of shape to keep up with Riko. Every time Riko made it past him, Riko hit Neil with his racquet. Exy armor was meant to guard against fast-moving balls and body-checks, not malicious blows from heavy racquets. By an hour into practice Neil was stumbling over his own feet.

Wow, it's almost like when you beat somebody senseless, they aren't at their best a few hours later or something. How weird is that?

Trigger warning: Graphic descriptions of torture

Riko slipped the knife into Neil's mouth and pushed, hard enough to break the skin at the corner of Neil's mouth but not deep enough to do any real damage.

Do you want to know what this story 100% needed? A long scene of Riko tying Neil to the bed and mutilating him with a knife. /ALL THE GODDAMNED SARCASM

"When it's too much for you, don't hesitate to cry."

Chapter 15 summary: So I guess the only person who knows Neil is going to spend Christmas with Riko is Kevin. Neil kind of sits around as the others pack up for their own holiday plans. Neil then pretends to get off of a phone call with somebody, and tells Nicky that it was his uncle, who is going to Arizona for the holidays. Neil goes on and says his mom sent him a ticket to come out over the break. Nicky says that the others can keep an eye on Kevin while Neil is gone, and that he should go. However, as Neil is packing, he's surprised that he's got so much stuff now. He decides to leave his emergency money binder in Kevin's care.

An unholy amount of time is spent describing Neil waiting at the airport. The flight isn't long, and he's picked up by Jean at the airport. They go to the stadium, where there's randomly an entire basement dorm area. Everything is decorated in shades of EBUL and even the lights are red, and I'm so fucking bored with this. Jean shows him where he'll be staying, and Neil is deeply disturbed to find a shrine to the life Kevin once had there.

They go upstairs, where Riko stops the morning practice. He and Jean give Neil a Raven's jersey with Neil's surname printed on the back, which Neil refuses. Turns out that they're randomly taking Neil, and nobody bothered to ask him. Since he's a doormat, Neil is putting up exactly zero effort to get out of any of this. They also randomly say that David is Kevin's father, but they don't think David knows. Kevin found a letter in “Master's” house. They act like it doesn't care, but Neil is insanely bothered by the entire thing.

The team's coach aka “master” comes in and randomly beats Neil until he blacks out simply because Neil refused to kneel before him. Neil is awoken a few hours later and forced to play a different role than he had been doing with the foxes. He's terrible at it, if only because of the beating he got earlier.

Kevin had originally shared a room with Riko, and as the ravens break for the night, Neil thinks about how much Kevin must have suffered with Riko for years and years. Neil tells Riko to stay away from him, but Riko ignores him, and starts to torture Neil with a knife.

[abraxos-is-toothless]

Surprises (9)

Chapter 9 is here. Slow again I know but I can’t exactly write without a keyboard. Sorry for the delay. Also I realised that only Az had parent background so here’s some for Elain:))

Warnings: There will be swearing, mature themes, mentions of alcohol at times, and mentions of sex. I will update warnings as I go if needed.

No beta from my lovely @bryaxisthefaceofnightmares because it’s late and I wanted you to have this.

Previous Chapter.

Masterlist.

Ask Box.

This is how I felt writing this😊

Chapter 9

—————

Tap.

Tap, tap.

Tap.

Tap, tap.

Oh for fucks sake. She was going to kill him and bury the body where no one would find it. Elain knew Az was nervous, but, he wasn’t the only one- yet she wasn’t insistently tapping her fingers against the chair she was laying in. Right next to her fucking ear. They had been waiting for the nurse to come back in for about ten minutes now, and every second that passed, seemed more daunting than the previous one did. These scans were important, she understood that, but she couldn’t help thinking that this made everything so much more real. They were finally going to have proof that this tiny little being they had made together actually exis-

Tap, tap.

He was so very dead, dead, dead.

“Please for the love of god Azriel, will you stop it with the fucking tapping? It’s driving me insane! I know you’re nervous, I’m nervous, but please stop. It’s making me feel worse.”

He brought the offending hand up to tuck a rogue curl behind her ear, making her blush. She caught his satisfied smirk just before he spoke;

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just nervous and excited you know? This isn’t how I ever thought this scenario would happen but I’m happy about it anyway, and I just really, really want to see the little bean.”

Seriously, was this boy even real? He was supposed to be like this, he wasn’t supposed to want this. Sometimes Elain just wished he had walked away, that he had refused to acknowledge what they had done. At least then she wouldn’t be forced to confront all of these things he was making her feel, but, she always abandoned those thoughts as soon as they came. It wasn’t fair to Azriel to think the worst of him when he was always trying his hardest to be what he needed her to be.

“Little bean?”

It was his turn to blush then, ducking his head a little bit and smiling shyly.  Beautiful. He was so beautiful it made her heart hurt.

“Yeah, my little bean. Our little bean that we made together, Ellie.”

Before she could respond and comment on how utterly cute that was, the nurse walked in carrying a small bottle in her hands.

“Sorry that took so long, I couldn’t fine the new bottles of gel anywhere. Someone decided to move things around and not say anything.”

They both just smiled politely at her as she moved around, setting up the ultrasound machine. Elain felt her nerves begin to pick up once more and started fiddling with the hem of her shirt when she felt a rough and calloused hand, yet still gentle, cover her own. Grounding her in the moment. When the nurse was finished, she came over and asked if it was okay to lift her shirt and move the band of her leggings down slightly, and all Elain could do was nod. She saw Azriel turn and tilt his head away out of the corner of her eye, something she was grateful for, because although he had undoubtedly seen all of her bare before, he didn’t just assume that gave him the privilege to do so now.

“Okay dear, the gel is going to be a little cold at first but just for a minute. Ready?”

At her nod, she squeezed a very generous amount onto Elain’s stomach, causing her to jolt at the cold despite being warned beforehand. The three of them turned to watch the screen of black and white as the nurse moved the small wand around. The anticipation and the waiting made her breath catch in her throat, just staring at the messed up blur of lines. A picture. That’s all they were going to be looking at and it made her feel as if her heart was going to burst from her chest and from the look on Azriel’s face, he felt the same. It wasn’t normal to feel like this. She didn’t understand the feeling until;

“Do you see this here?”

The nurse was pointing at something on the screen, causing Elain to squint slightly. No, she didn’t see. She didn’t see at all.

“I see it.”

Oh, of course he could see it. Bastard.

She felt close to tears, not understanding what they were seeing and turned to look helplessly at the boy at her side. It was as if he knew what was wrong in an instant and let go of her hand to move towards the machine, pointing at what looked to be several small curves and then- there.

Was that a nose?

“Oh, I see it now.”

Az moved back to stand at her side taking her hand in his once again as the nurse continued. God, she wished he knew how much just that touch of their hands helped to calm her. To make everything better.

“That’s your baby. They’re not quite facing forward at the moment, as you might be able to tell. But there’s its nose, a hand and two tiny little feet. Looks like you might have a shy one on your hands.”

A smile threatened to break across her face as she stared at her baby, so tiny and fragile, yet a sound stopped her. She hadn’t noticed it before with all the blood rushing in her ears but she heard it now, so very loud and so very clear. Like the clatter of horses hooves.

Thud, thud, thud.

The question was out before she could even think.

“What’s that sound?”

The nurse, seeing what musty clearly be confusion on her face, grinned exceptionally wide.

“That is your baby’s heartbeat.”

oOoOo

Heartbeat.

His baby had a heartbeat. He and Elain were now sat outside of the clinic on a small wooden bench, Elain with a vending machine hot chocolate- one of the few things she could keep down – as they both took in all the information they had thrown at them. A heartbeat. Gods he still couldn’t believe it, not fully accepting that it was real until he had seen and heard. He looked down at the black and white picture in his hands- the nurse had barely managed to finish asking if they wanted copies before he was nodding enthusiastically -unable to stop the tilt of his lips, and running his finger over the tiny little nose over and over.

Elain’s nose.

His- no, their baby wasn’t even in the world yet and already, Azriel knew he would do everything within his power to make them happy, to make sure they knew they were loved and cherished. The baby and the amazing, beautiful girl at his side. He jolted a little, feeling a small, warm hand carding through his hair.

“Are you alright? I know that was a lot in there, but you’ve been quiet since we got outside. You’re starting to worry me.”

He brought her hand down from his head, kissing her palm lightly, before placing it against his cheek and leaning into the touch.

“I was just thinking that’s all. I’m fine Love, I promise.”

Her breath caught and she blushed all the way down to her neck at the endearment, but he wasn’t taking it back or apologising, because it just felt right time him. However, he did apologise to whichever gods that were watching, annoyed with his thoughts of wondering what other parts of her that blush would spread to.

Get it together, you fucking shithead. Now is not the time.

“What were you thinking about?”

Instead of telling her all of the thoughts running through his head, he asked her what he had wanted to since he had picked her up this morning.

“I was just wondering if you’d stay with me tonight, at the outhouse. We wouldn’t have to worry about the others then.”

At her skeptical look he rushed to clarify what he truly meant.

“No. Not like that Ellie I swear. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want or anything at all. I just want to be able to hold you without being glared at by your sister, and give you kisses without Cass making ridiculous innuendos. You don’t have to if that’s not what you want. I just thought it might be nice.”

She smiled at him then and softly rubbed her thumb under his eye. She treated him so gently, all of the time, as if she was scared of breaking him.

She’s not the only one with that fear.

“Of course I’ll stay with you. I don’t want to be at home tonight anyway. Both Nesta and Feyre will be at yours with the boys and I think Dad has been drinking again. I don’t want to be alone when he’s like that.”

He nodded slightly, knowing that she didn’t like to talk about her father much, but hoped one day she might be able to let him in on that part of her life. He knew from being around her sisters that her mother had died having Feyre and their father started drinking when Elain was around ten. He’d had help before, but sometimes he’d slip and have to start the cycle all over again. Azriel knew it couldn’t be easy, but he wasn’t going to push, she’d come to him if she needed and only when she was ready.

“How about we go back so you can get some things, and then well got to the store and grab a couple movies and whatever snacks you want? Maybe some lemonade too? You said that helps with the sickness and I don’t want you in pain and upset when I know I could’ve fixed it.”

He got a nod at that and he stood pulling her with him placing a quick, chaste kiss to her lips and putting his arm around her shoulders, tucking her into his side. Just as they reached the car, and he was opening the passenger door for her, she spoke again, just a quiet whisper in the open air between them.

“I just wanted you to know, that no matter what happens from here on out, no matter what people say about us, I truly believe this is all going to be worth it.”

She placed one of his hands over her stomach as she finished and he couldn’t the shaky breath he let out, but for some reason it didn’t matter. It was okay to be vulnerable around her. With her, he was safe. As his eyes lined with silver he replied with all of the strength and conviction he could muster;

“I already know. You’re both worth every gods damned thing in the world to me. You always will be.”

He wasn’t letting anyone take this away from him.

He would fight with everything that he had.

—————

Do you love it or hate it? Let me know how you felt💚 if you want to be added/removed from the tags then just give me a shout😁

Tags: @starlitfangirl @starsauroras @drunken-starz @myfriendscallmeraba @thesirenwashere @empress-sei @elrielllll @stars-falling @cirieael @verifiefangirl @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn @fancyclodpaintercookie @acourtofterrasenandvelaris @azriel-archeronn @queen-of-glass @bamchickawowow @empress-ofbloodshed @sleeping-and-books @b00kworm @kvi-arts @rhysandhlcor @tswaney17 @awkward-avocado-s @judexcardanxgreenbriar @junkiejosten10 @mu-si-ca-l @agem10 @harmonyindark245 @slightly-sane-fangirl

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

OMG I love your headcanons and writing. So so good. How about thoughts on Andrew recovering from say wisdom tooth removal or a appendectomy or something, but seeing as he's got a real high tolerance to drugs, the painkillers really aren't doing anything, and Neil (and or Kev, Aaron, Nicky, etc) gotta help take care of a grumpy in pain Andrew. Good feels good feels

So I answered a similar prompt earlier but, tbh, I didn’t like it very much so here’s a new one! Did it need to be Mandreil? No. Did I make it Mandreil anyway? Of course I did!

“Matt says that kisses help things heal faster,” Neil said. Andrew’s gaze snapped over to his junkie, curled up on the couch. The soft glow of the color shifting lights they’d strung on the Christmas tree illuminated the planes of his faces at random. None of their lot had been very fond of the holiday season but Nicky had insisted that they decorate the house anyway. Normally, the first word out of Andrew’s mouth would have been ‘no’ but, with Aaron’s trial only two months away, he’d thought it best to let Nicky distract himself with whatever nonsense he chose to so long as he wasn’t forced to participate. 

A lot of that nonsense had ended up involving Matt. When the team broke for the holidays, Andrew hadn’t expected to drive his lot back to Columbia only to find the familiar red truck parked in their driveway. Nicky had gone behind his back to invite Matt over for the first week of break. 

“He’s just helping with decorations,” Nicky insisted. Something you never do. Nicky hadn’t said that but Andrew had heard it loud and clear. Throwing his bag over his shoulder, he’d tried not to stomp his way up the stairs. To listen to Nicky tell it, Andrew had spent the whole week being the World’s Grumpiest Grinch. That was wholly untrue. Andrew had just been his usual silent self, steadfastly refusing to take part in their bullshit. Well… most of their bullshit. More than once, Neil had managed to coax Andrew out into the kitchen to help Matt bake. Despite it being all his idea, Neil rarely helped. He’d sat there, perched on the counter as Matt and Andrew had baked. Together they’d baked beautiful sugar cookies, several fig puddings, and a gingerbread exy court complete with sugar plexiglass and the Foxes set up for a scrimmage (they’d baked a gingerbread Wymack but Andrew had hidden it for he didn’t have the heart to let his monstrous family eat him). 

Matt had left three days ago and Andrew had expected peace to return to his home but his family seemed to have other plans. All of them kept bemoaning his departure. He’d expected that kind of behavior from Nicky but Kevin was a surprise. As it turned out, Matt was a bit of a history buff. He was probably the only person in the world who capable of maintaining a conversation with Kevin about something other than Exy for over an hour. Aaron seemed to miss Matt too, evidenced by the way he kept lingering by the couch every morning as though the man might suddenly appear. 

Honestly, Andrew wasn’t 100% sure himself why he didn’t like having Matt around. Boyd had long since proved that he wasn’t a threat. Sure he was 6ft of pure muscle. He was as strong as a bull and hung like one too. In fact, he was probably strong enough that he could simply pick Andrew right up off the ground and… Andrew’s brain stalled as he momentarily lost his train of thought. Cursed with an eidetic memory, Andrew had never forgotten a single thing in his life. The fact that Matt had been capable of temporarily derailing him in such a manner was a concern. Setting those thoughts aside for the time being, Andrew made a mental note to examine them later. 

“So...can I kiss you?” Neil asked, drawing Andrew back to the conversation at hand. Sliding off the windowsill, Andrew wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. It trailed behind him anyway but he couldn’t be bothered to care. Neil unfurled and stretched himself across the couch, leaving space for Andrew between his legs. With more care than he usually allowed himself to show, Andrew climbed in. “You still haven’t given me an answer,” Neil prompted. 

Andrew had tried to speak not long after he’d woken in the dentist’s office only for blood to flood out of his mouth. Over the last two or three hours, he’d soaked through several lengths of gauze. Not wanting to disturb the freshly replaced cotton, Andrew gave him a short nod that Neil accepted. A little smile lit up his face brighter than all the bulbs in the room combined. Something in Andrew’s chest tightened as his stomach somersaulted. Stuffing all that down, he promised himself to evaluate that later too. 

Andrew reached out with one hand to cup the back of Neil’s neck and drew him close. Even after being together for nearly a year now, Neil was careful to leave space between their bodies. Andrew guided Neil forward until their foreheads were pressed together. Time seemed to slow as Neil’s parted lips ghosted a breath over Andrew’s. When Neil rubbed his nose against Andrew’s, all that breath evaporated from his lungs. Despite the jagged edges of the scarred skin stretched taut over his muscles, Neil Josten was impossibly soft and there was nothing Andrew wanted more than to sink into his arms. The very thought of being held by Neil made Andrew’s feel as though his whole head was filled with cotton.  

It was a strange desire that he’d spent countless hours picking apart both on his own and with Bee. She seemed quite pleased to hear that he’d begun to desire non-sexual physical contact. Now seemed as good a time as any to explore it. Trailing his hand down Neil’s arm, he caught hold of it by the elbow and tugged at it in silent question. As always, Neil went willingly pliant, allowing himself to be maneuvered however Andrew wanted him. 

“Are you sure this is alright?” Neil asked once Andrew had settled one of his arms around his waist. Andrew nodded. It wasn’t as sharp. He was far too distracted by the warm weight that had wrapped around him. Hugs weren’t something Andrew had ever really seen the appeal in but, nestled up against Neil, he finally understood. Distantly, he was aware of Neil’s fingers lightly tracing the shell of his ear. Feather light kisses were being planted across his face, starting at his temple and trailing down, down, down. 

Pain shot through Andrew as Neil brushed against his jaw. Shoving away with a muffled curse, he heard Neil doing the same. Surprise and anger flitted across Neil’s face, quickly replaced by alarm as he realized what had happened. Abandoning his blanket, Andrew made for the stairs. 

“I totally forgot,” Neil called as he followed him up. Flicking on the bathroom light, Andrew pulled the gauze out of his mouth. Blood oozed out. Neil stepped in a moment later, his eyes widening at the sight of the blood. “Was that because I-”

“No,” Andrew said. “It’s just not healing fast enough.” Concern washed over Neil’s face. It suddenly occurred to Andrew that maybe the fuzziness in his head was on account of blood loss. He doubted it but it was an easier thought to stomach than the notion that his cravings for Neil were intensifying. Who’s the junkie now? A voice in his head teased. Andrew promptly told it to go fuck itself onto a glass-shard covered pole. 

Rinsing out his mouth with warm water, he stuffed more cotton into his mouth. It hurt like all hell but there probably weren’t enough painkillers in the world to make him feel any better. Then again, even if there were, he wouldn’t take them. He took no pleasure in buzzing a thousand miles above the ground. Never in a million years would Andrew voluntarily subject himself to medication again. 

He left Neil to brush his teeth and headed to their room. By the time he’d changed and crawled into bed, Neil had returned. Andrew watched the muscles on Neil’s back flex and ripple as he pulled on a new shirt. 

“Scoot over,” Neil mumbled, crawling into bed. Andrew moved a fraction of an inch. “Asshole,” Neil said with a laugh and half-hearted shove. Laying himself down to face the door, Andrew was confronted by the fact that it would be impossible to do so without pressing his aching jaw into the pillow. His heartbeat sped up, fear welling up in him. “Drew?” Neil asked. “What’s wrong?” Andrew didn’t answer. He was just going to have to deal with it. The second his head touched the pillow, pain flared up and he jolted upright again. Understanding dawned on Neil’s face. “Yes or no?” he asked. Andrew narrowed his eyes at Neil, not knowing what he had planned. Then again, Neil often didn’t know what Andrew planned to have him do. That never stopped him from saying yes. 

It was always a leap of faith. It was time Andrew took one of his own. He nodded. Neil ordered him to turn over, so that he faced away from the door. Moments later, Andrew felt the warm press of a back on his own. 

“Sometimes, when the beds weren’t pushed up against the wall, Mom would make us sleep like this,” Neil explained. “It was so that we could watch all points of entry. It was also a reminder that we had each other’s backs. I know this isn’t going to be easy but, I’m here, Andrew. I gave you my back last year. Now, let me have yours.” Andrew turned his head only to find Neil doing the same. Reaching a hand out, Andrew caught Neil’s. He ghosted the knuckles against his lips in the closest thing to a kiss as he could manage. A smile broke out across Neil’s face. 

“Thank you.” It came out muffled and garbled by the cotton but Andrew knew Neil heard him. He knew he understood that it meant so much more. Letting his eyes fall closed, Andrew wished he could tell Neil all the things he deserved to hear but there were so many things other than the cotton in his mouth stopping him. One day, maybe his words would flow as freely as the blood in his mouth.

[jemej3m]

Yoooooooooo I love romcoms like no other bitch jem, what’re ur thoughts on Isn’t it Romantic? AU with andriel 🙀

no,,,,,,,,,,,,this is a terrible idea,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

*

Andrew knows this isn’t real. 

Why? Because Neil just flirted with him, and Neil does not flirt with him. Neil barely knows how to function as a member of society, let alone understand romantic relationships, or be able to prompt one. 

Nevertheless: Andrew had walked into work, and Neil had leaned into his cubicle with a dozy smile, before complimenting his slacks, winking, and walking away. 

Another strong contender for this being a distorted version of reality: Kevin now hated his guts. His assistant - the gooey-eyed, exy-obsessive, tall-ass freak was now waltzing around with Jeremy on one arm and Jean on the other, his once-employers, berating the shit out of people and purposefully spilling his coffee on Andrew before asking for him to get a new one.

Then he was in the bathroom, ringing out his coffee-stained shirt when his cousin, Nicky, who worked in marketing, waltzed in whilst flamboyantly spreading his arms and proclaiming “Shopping trip! Let’s go!” And whilst Nicky did sometimes act like that stereotypical hyper-feminine gay guy, he wasn’t this one-dimensional. 

After work had finished - or, rather, after Andrew had been whisked away, forced on a shopping spree, and then sent back to work with an hour to spare only to have Kevin demote him - he stumbled out of the building, ready to catch a bus home, just as a car came careening around the corner and almost catching Andrew’s hip. He stumbled, almost dropping all his shit to the ground, just as the person driving the car got out. He put his hands on Andrew’s shoulders to steady him. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He shoved the man’s hands away, repulsed.

“I can’t believe I almost just killed the hottest guy I’ve ever seen,” The man said, in a terribly breathless voice. Andrew looked up, seeing six-feet on tanned skin and expensive silk suit stretched across his shoulders. He was no Neil, but he was certainly easy on the damned eyes. “I’m Roland. Who are you?”

“Uh…” 

“Doesn’t matter! Go on a date with me.” He tucked a business card into Andrew’s pocket, before blowing a kiss and sliding back into his priceless ride. Andrew was left, stunned, on the street corner.  

Then he realised. 

Best friend at work turned enemy? Overly-gay supporting character? Strange, handsome man almost killing him and then asking him on a date? Long-standing work-crush suddenly showing obvious interest?

Andrew was in a rom-com. 

Shit. 

*

“Neil,” He snapped his fingers in front of Neil’s face. “Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil, Neil. Earth to Neil?”

“Hm?” Neil looked up at him with those dreamy eyes, before smiling. “Oh, ‘Drew. Are you alright?”

“No.” Andrew snapped, fishing into his pocket for a cigarette. “Smoke break?”

“Sure.” He stood up from his desk and walked just ahead of Andrew, letting him appreciate how well-dressed he’d been as of late. Must have been Allison. 

Not real, Andrew reminded himself. Neil had worn ratty jeans to work before (and gotten away with it because everyone loves him): His sense of fashion was beyond deplorable at best. This wasn’t real. None of this was real. 

Andrew blinked: He’d just wanted to go out in front of their building to smoke, but suddenly, they were walking through a lush green park, where men and women laughed as they rode pastel bikes, whilst families picnicked on the little grassy knolls. Andrew was losing his damn mind. 

“So,” Neil said, around his cigarette, smiling effortlessly. Another lie. Neil didn’t smile, albeit in a rare flash when Andrew said something particularly crude under his breath at work parties. Now he was grinning like a mad idiot, his scars much paler against his skin than they should be. 

It made Andrew irrationally mad. Neil was gorgeous with his scars, but this dystopian hell-space had to wash him out and make him more appealing to a wider audience, like this was a real rom-com people were watching. Fucking gross. 

“Roland, hm?”

“What?” Andrew echoed, blinking. “Who?”

“He almost hit you with his car, yesterday. He’s Kevin’s newest client for a new hotel on the south-side. Asked after your work because it’s the best. He also said he asked you out on a date but you hadn’t called him yet. What’s the hold-up?”

“No - I - well - what?”

Neil looked at the ground with an obviously disappointed pout. “I’m sure you’ll have a marvellous time with him.”

“No, Neil, I -” Not real, not real, not real. He eyed an escape in the form of a small flower stall that’d mysteriously popped up as they walked. This was ridiculous. Absurd. “I’ll be back. I just gotta go to the bathroom.” 

“Okay,” Neil said, smiling again. “I’ll be right here.”

Andrew bought a rose, because that’s all the flower-vendor seemed to be selling, and turned around to return to Neil. If this was all gonna end when he woke up, he might as well make the most of it, shouldn’t he? 

Walking back over to where he’d left Neil standing, he watched in dismay as a woman he’d never seen before leaned over and planted a kiss on Neil’s cheek. He gave her those doe-eyes that he’d been giving Andrew all day, holding her hands. She really was stunning, in a tight skirt and a floral shirt, with hair that was perfectly curled.

The rose fell from Andrew’s hand. What the fuck?

“Andrew!” Neil called out, waving enthusiastically. “Marissa just accidently almost hit me with her bike. Isn’t she gorgeous?” The girl laughed, leaning into his shoulder. “I’m going to head back to work later, alright? We’re going out on a date!”

“Sure,” Andrew muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets as Neil and Marissa giggled at one another, whispering into each other’s ears. “See you later.” 

*

Roland wouldn’t leave him alone. Neil was waxing poetry about Marissa, wondering if it was too early to propose. Kevin sneered at him at every given moment, and Nicky wouldn’t shut up about being in debt because he bought a Gucci belt that he was dying for and had to have. 

He hit his head against his desk over and over and over, just wishing it’d end. For the love of God, just fucking let this torture end.

“Andrew, what are you doing?” Roland’s nerve-grating voice called. “You’re so silly. I love that about you. Should we grab lunch and talk about this project?” He batted his eyelashes. “I’d love to get to know more about your ideas.”

Andrew sat up slowly. How did rom-coms end? 

By ending up with the person. 

An idea formed. He looked Roland dead between the eyes and said “Sure. Why not?” 

Roland took him out to a glass-walled restaurant in a penthouse apartment, miles above the ground. Andrew felt sick the entire time and could barely eat: He even resorted to talking about work and plans to avoid looking at the sheer drop to the ground below him. They were up so high. 

“Are you alriight, cutie?” Roland teased. “You don’t look too good.” 

“I wanna get out of here.” Andrew stood, shoving the chair back. “I had a good time.” Not. “Thanks.” 

“My pleasure.” Roland winked. “Let me drop you home.”

Andrew didn’t protest, so long as he was on the ground once more and not dangling in the clouds. When he clambered into Roland’s car he let himself breath, unclenching his fists. 

Neil knew he was scared of heights. Neil would have never taken him to a restaurant like that. 

“Buckle up!” Roland insisted in his regrettably sing-song like voice, revving the car’s engine. 

Andrew did not buckle-up, embracing the risk. Roland tried to hold his hand over the gearstick and he almost pulled a knife on the man, before remembering he was a client and Kevin would never let him live it down. 

The last thing he remembered was wishing he could have given Neil a chance whilst he still had one, before another car came careening towards them with the lights glazing, head nose-first into Andrew’s side of the car - 

*

“Andrew?” A distant voice called. “You’re moving your fingers. Can you hear me at all?”

His eyes peeled open: They felt glue-lined, crusted over with time. The face hovering near him looked relieved, settling back into the chair and reaching for a cup of water. The glass was held to Andrew’s lips who took a few hesitant sips, making sure it didn’t spill. 

Andrew’s head throbbed. 

“You were out cold for a few days. Your family will be back soon, but right now, it’s just me.” 

Andrew focussed his eyes. Neil sat in front of him, not smiling, wearing an old t-shirt and jeans. His hair was a mess, and he looked like he hadn’t slept. 

“Neil,” He muttered, waving heavy arms around. “What happened?”

“You were driving home from work.” Neil explained. “Kevin got the call from your brother who’d been working a shift when they wheeled you in, who told Nicky and I. We came here as soon as we could.”

“Kevin?”

“Yes, your assistant? Dark-haired giant, acts like a pathetic teddy-bear? He was crying a little when you came out of surgery.” Neil snorted, a hint of his tiny smile at the corner of his lips. “How are you feeling?”

He was back in reality. Thank fuck. “Fantastic.”

“Morphine does that to you.” 

“Come here.”

“What?” 

Andrew could still remember sitting next to Roland as they drove, wishing he’d just fucking taken the chance whilst Neil was available. Now he had the chance again. “I said come here.”

Neil shuffled closer, mildly confused. 

“I want to kiss you.”

“Seriously?” Neil remarked, baffled. “Since when?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Since forever ago. You’re an oblivious idiot.”

Neil shrugged. “Can’t discredit you on that one.” He looked nervously down at his own hands, fingers wound together and knuckles white. “Maybe when you’re not stuck in a hospital bed. I’m not really sure. I would like to figure it out with you.” 

“Yes or no,” Andrew admonished. “I’m concussed. Don’t make this any harder than it already is, junkie.” 

Neil’s tiny smile, the one Andrew had fallen for in the first place, came out. “Okay.” 

Andrew closed his eyes, hoping this was his reality. Neil’s fingers gently wove together with his own and squeezed. Andrew’s heart fluttered: He was pretty sure he couldn’t imagine that.  

And then they lived happily ever after.

*

what a ridiculous and fluffy au. i’ll have to compensate for that in my next fic ;DDDD 

[dr-m-r-ma]

Miscellaneous Drabbles / Short Stories (II)

[6]: Unlike - Vromance (angst)

Disclaimer: This is 100% fictional and my own story. It is unrelated to the actual events and real persons of Monsta X and Starship. All main characters/partners of Monsta X are original characters created for the drabbles. Parts will be written in Korean with English translations. I did not major/study in English/Korean, nor was I ever strong in English/Korean grammar, so there will be grammatical mistakes. This fanfic is written in third person and past-tense for ease of writing.

“장예은…” (Translation: “Jang Yeeun…”)

*Silence*

A split second passed, and within the next moment, Minhyuk yelled, “건배!!!” (Translation: “Cheers!!!”) Hyungwon and Jooheon bellowed similarly, as if to use their voices to erase Kihyun’s horrible mistake just a second ago. On the other hand, Shownu, Wonho and I.M. sat frozen at their seats. They stared down at the table while raising their glasses, not wanting to meet their eyes with Kihyun’s girlfriend, Inha.

Minhyuk pinched Kihyun’s leg under the table, but the same age male simply stared back at Minhyuk with a confused frown. He didn’t seem to realize his slip of the tongue.

The dinner party with Kihyun’s girlfriend Inha, the Monsta X members, GOT7’s Jaebum and Jinyoung, and WJSN’s Exy, was seemingly fine in the beginning. However, when the drinks started to continuously pour in, Kihyun lost control of how many drinks were too many.

As the night went on, the other Monsta X members tried to restrain Kihyun, but unsuccessfully. He started to slur his words, and such ugly words, without even realizing the damage.

“넌 왜… 더 예은이같지 못해?” (Translation: “Why can’t you… be more like Yeeun?”)

Exy and Hyungwon froze, wondering if they heard him correctly. Though he garbled through his question, they could clearly make out the name.

Kihyun continued, “넌… 게임하는거 싫어하고… 요리도 못하고… 예은이는 그런거 잘 했는데… 나랑.” (Translation: “You… don’t like to play games… and you can’t cook… but Yeeun was good at doing those kinds of things… with me.”) He smiled, as if reminiscing on the good memories. He didn’t seem to feel the cold atmosphere, nor did he notice his members shoot daggers at him with their eyes.

“넌… 짧은머리도 안 어울리고… 넌… 그냥…” (Translation: “You don’t look good with short hair… and you… just…”) Kihyun mumbled softly, but the room was silent. Everyone heard his words, and not a single Starship artist wanted to look at Inha.

“야. 너 이런 미친놈이랑 사귄다고?” (Translation: “Hey. You’re really dating this crazy bastard?”)

Everyone’s eyes shifted over to Jaebum, who had a look of disgust. Kihyun swayed from side to side, but his eyes attempted to focus on Jaebum. Why was he talking so casually to Inha?

Inha simply ignored the question and drank her ice water. At that, Jaebum grew frustrated. “이런 개똥같은 말 듣고도 가만히 있을수가 있어? 어떻게??” (Translation: “You can be calm even after hearing this kind of bullshit? How??”) He looked around at the others, and when the Monsta X members looked away instead of being as shocked as he was, it dawned on him.

“너… 혹시… 이거... 처음 아니야?” (Translation: “You… wait… this isn’t the first time?”)

“...” Inha stared blankly at her cup of water, while the others in the room cringed at the revelation. Inha seemed indifferent, so expressionless, it was almost scary. Yet, Kihyun was too drunk to notice once again.

He managed to sit up straight before asking Jaebum, “야… 너 왜 인하한테 반말하냐? 오늘 처음 만난거 아니야?” (Translation: “Hey… why are you talking to Inha so casually? Isn’t today the first time you guys are meeting?”)

Without giving so much a glance at Kihyun, Jaebum stared at Inha. The next words that came out of his mouth shocked everyone, including Kihyun, who finally started to snap out of his drunken state.

“나한테 다시 와.” (Translation: “Come back to me.”)

Everyone’s heads snapped up and turned to look at Jaebum. Jaebum continued, “쟤는 네옆에 있을 자격이 없으니까 쟤랑 헤어지고 우리 다시 시작하자.” (Translation: “He doesn’t deserve to be with you so break up with him, and let’s start over.”)

Kihyun’s eyes widened. What? Start over? What did that mean -- that they used to date? His gaze shifted over to Inha and he studied her expression. It was the same as ever, that stone cold look. Her fingertips tapped on her glass of water, while she gave no hint of answering Jaebum’s wild confession.

Instead, Kihyun spoke up. “뭐라고? 니들… 뭐야? 전남친 이라도 된다고?” (Translation: “What? What’s… between you two? Are you her ex-boyfriend or something?”)

Everyone held their breaths, but it was Inha who replied. “그래. 내 전 남친, 임재범. 한… 2년전에 헤어졌어. 너 만나기 전이야.” (Translation: “Yeah. My ex-boyfriend, Im Jaebum. We broke up about… two years ago. It was before I met you.”)

Her words were choppy, cold just like her aura. Annoyed by her attitude, he started to sputter with anger. “뭐라고? 나 만나기 전이라고? 그래서? 왜 말 안 했어? 난 그것도 모르고…” (Translation: “What did you say? It was before you met me? So what? Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t even know that and I…”)

“모르고 뭐? 뭐 어쨌다고? 어?” (Translation: “Didn’t know and you what? What did you do? Huh?”) Inha snapped back, surprising everyone. Jooheon and I.M. clung to each other with fear, while Minhyuk tried to calm Kihyun down. Her expression started to change, a deep frown appearing on her face and her hand tightening around her glass of water. “난 뭐, 네 전 여친 얘기 듣는거 좋은줄 알아? 굳이 맨날 비교 해야돼? 이런 주사 고치라고 말 했을텐데.” (Translation: “Do you think I enjoy hearing about your ex-girlfriend? Do you have to always compare me? I think I’ve already told you to fix this drunk habit.”)

Before Kihyun could retort back, Jaebum asked, “이게 주사야? 네 현여친을 전여친이랑 비교하는게? 말도 안 되.” (Translation: “This is your drinking habit? Comparing your current girlfriend to your ex? No way.”)

Kihyun barked, “넌 입 닥치고 가만히 있어! 뭘 안다고 지랄이야.” (Translation: “Shut up and stay out of this! You don’t even know anything and you’re talking shit.”)

“뭐야? 너 맨날 술만 마시면 이러냐 아님 원래 네 본 모습인거야?” (Translation: “What? Are you always like this when you drink only or is this your original nature?”) Jaebum frowned.

“그만 해. 내가 할 수 있어.” (Translation: “Stop it. I can handle this.”) Inha stiffly said.

As soon as Jaebum backed off from just her words, Kihyun’s temper flared. With the help of the alcohol in his system, he sneered, “와 완전 좆같네. 난 재범이랑 사귄것도 모르고… 너 겁나 순수하다고 생각했는데. 예은이 처럼.” (Translation: “Wow, what a fucking load of bullshit. I didn’t even know you dated Jaebum… and I thought you were so pure. Like Yeeun.”)

The others gasped, while Minhyuk tried to shake some sense into Kihyun. The other Monsta X members tried to believe it was the alcohol talking, but they couldn’t help but curse Kihyun inside. Minhyuk flinched when he saw Jaebum raise a fist, ready to fly into Kihyun, but he was shocked when a splash of cold water hit Kihyun.

Inha set the empty glass down and stood up abruptly. Kihyun’s face was red from the ice cubes smacking his face and the water dripped from his hair down to his shirt.  He stared up with shock, while Jinyoung held onto Jaebum, both surprised by Inha’s action.

“그만하자. 그냥 끝내자.” (Translation: “Let’s stop. Let’s just end this.”)

Kihyun whispered, “...뭐?” (Translation: “...What?”) It seemed as though he was just waking up to the current situation. As if someone else had possessed his body earlier, he seemed genuinely confused by her words.

Inha continued, “술 마실때마다 나한테 그런 말 하잖아 -- 모든게 같은데 옆에있는 사람이 다르다고. 같은 밤, 같은 방, 같은 꿈, 근데 그녀는 떠났다… ‘같은 밤 다른 느낌’이라고 맨날 말 하는데… 내가 장예은이 아니잖아. 그러니까 당연히 다른 느낌이지.” (Translation: “Every time you drink, you tell me this -- that everything is the same except the person beside you. It’s the same night, the same room, the same dream, but that girl left… ‘The same night, a different feeling’ is what you say all the time… but I’m not Jang Yeeun. So of course the feeling is different.”)

The alcohol seemed to swirl in Kihyun’s head; he couldn’t completely grasp what she was saying. He was never one to forget things he did or said when he drank, but he couldn’t remember at all if what she was saying was true.

“들을때마다… 진짜 힘들었어. 매번 니가 천천히 찌르는 것처럼 느꼈어. 그러고나서 매일 밤 기다렸지. 내일 아침에 진실을 말할 건가? 오늘 아침이 마지막인가? 근데 넌 매번 네 미소 뒤에 숨고 다정하게 좋은 아침이라고 말했지. 근데… 이제 지쳤어. 이제 그만 기다릴래.” (Translation: “Every time I listened… it was so difficult. It was like you were slowly stabbing me every time. Then I waited every night afterwards. Will you tell the truth tomorrow morning? Is this morning our last? But you always hid behind your smile and sweetly said good morning. But… I’m tired now. I want to stop waiting now.”)

Each statement shot a heavy bullet through his heart. Kihyun stammered, “ㅈ잠ㄲㅏㄴ--” (Translation: “Ww..wait--”) He looked around, confused why nobody seemed surprised by her words. Why wasn’t anyone trying to calm her down? Why did they all look away when he looked at them for help?

As Inha slung her bag over her shoulder, Jaebum got up as well.

Still shell-shocked, he wasn’t sure what to say. Was this a nightmare? All he could utter were words he didn’t think about before saying them. All he could utter was the wrong choice of words. “지금… 흔들리는거야? 고작 재범이 말 때문에?” (Translation: “Are you… confused? Because of what Jaebum said?”)

The moment the words slipped out, he could tell they were wrong. He was full of incorrect words. Inha shot a fierce glare at him before grabbing the closest glass of wine. Before anyone could stop her, she slowly poured the liquid over Kihyun’s head. Minhyuk and Jooheon yelped, as the deep red liquid splashed over his head and streamed down his flushed face.

“이제 지긋지긋하다. 진짜… 이게 다 나쁜 꿈이라고… 그냥 상상한거라고 생각하고 싶은데. 안 되겠네. 그러니까, 네 소원대로 내가 먼저 꺼져줄게.” (Translation: “I’m so tired of this. Really… I wish someone would tell me that this is all a bad dream… that I’m just imagining it. But I don’t think I can. So, I’ll piss off just like you wished.”) Inha slammed the empty glass down before storming out.

At the same time, Jaebum tapped Jinyoung’s shoulder. “야, 우리도 가자. 쓰래기 옆에 너무 오래 있고싶지 않아.” (Translation: “Hey, let’s leave too. I don’t want to sit too long with trash.”) He glared down at Kihyun, who didn’t seem to register Jaebum’s words.

Kihyun only stared at the door that closed moments ago.

Shownu spoke up for the first time, defending his bandmate, albeit it being a weak defense. “그건 너무 심하지 않아?” (Translation: “Isn’t that too harsh?”)

Jaebum shrugged. “형은 그렇게 생각해? 장예은이 쟤 찼다고 들었는데… 지금 이해가 가네. 그렇게 인하를 비교하면서 눈치 보게 만들었으면서, 형이 아직도 쟤 보호한다는게 놀랍네.” (Translation: “You think so? I heard Jang Yeeun dumped him… and now I get it. I’m surprised you still protect him, after seeing how he compared Inha and made her walk on eggshells.”) With that, he stalked off.

Jinyoung followed, gathering their belongings, and the two left like that. Shownu stood up, angry at how he misjudged his own group member, and stomped out as well. One by one, everyone started to leave. Wonho muttered, “아 쪽팔려.” (Translation: “Fuckin embarrassing.”)

When Kihyun was left all alone at the table, he finally wiped the wine off his face with his t-shirt. Only when he completely dried his face did he realize he had just wiped wine off with his white t-shirt. Cursing at his stupidity, he stared down at the reddish purple stains on his shirt. Soon enough, the splotches on his shirt merged with different images of Inha’s hurt expression. It was as if he could now see the bruises on her heart, the words that had beat her down.

But he knew, it was too late.

.

.

*** THE END ***

A/N: too long for a drabble, but short enough to pass as a short story! also sorry i made Ki to be an absolute asshole (ㅠㅠ) also had a lot of extra characters idk why (lmao) also also sorry, I don’t actually write for GOT7 or WJSN (>_<) also also also I’ll be on a short (?) hiatus until end of October!   

[allforthecourtt]

rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

[scarredsilk]

Something Real (Chapter Three)

Chapter Master-list tag list: @trashcan-filled-with-fandoms, @moonsandstarsaregay read on ao3

Andrew felt robbed. Of what, he didn’t know.

Every day since Andrew turned down whatever deal Neil wanted to make, Neil was everywhere. He was there in the morning, sitting next to Kevin while they drank coffee. He was there during the Fox practice, his eyes finding Andrew’s whenever he made a goal. He was there after practice, when Andrew wanted to smash a couple Exy balls down the court.

He was everywhere and Andrew felt robbed. Of Exy? Of personal fucking space?

It all came down to Neil saying those idiotic words. Neil’s voice would echo in Andrew’s ears like a recorder left on repeat. You were amazing, he’d hear in his nine-a.m. class. You were amazing, he’d hear on the way to lunch. You were amazing, he’d hear when he climbed into bed.

More than anything, Andrew was annoyed with himself. Neil was just some kid in the way and Andrew hated that he caught himself thinking about him.

To avoid Neil, he considered making the trip to the recreation center off campus. It had a decent Exy court, but the hours never matched Andrew’s schedule. He’d also have to drive the half hour to get there and he wasn’t stupid enough to drive after exhausting himself at the court.

Andrew was so frustrated with feeling frustrated that he smoked through five cigarettes on the way to the court one evening. He knew his lungs would have a hard time keeping up while he played, but the cigarettes helped smoothed some edges that were poking his brain.

After he changed out and made it inside the court, he found Neil waiting for him in his gear.

“Hey.” He said, sounding relieved. “I didn’t think you would ever come back if I was here.”

Andrew didn’t bother with a response. He obviously wanted something, and Andrew did not care for small talk.

Neil fidgeted with his racquet like he was nervous. Was he nervous? “Did you want to practice together today? Makes sense if we’re both here.”

Andrew turned on his heel, fully intended to leave before Neil spoke up again. “You have it memorized, don’t you? The patterns on the machine.”

“So?” Andrew asked with his back still turned.

“So now you can finally play against something real and I can get some practice with shooting at the goal.”

Andrew considered it. The idea was tempting, and Andrew hadn’t played against another person for years. With that in mind, Andrew opened his mouth to agree.

You were amazing. Andrew’s breath hitched, and for a moment he thought that Neil had said the words aloud. He was going crazy. Well, crazier than usual.

Andrew left the court without giving an answer.

  He called Renee.

She answered on the second ring and they agreed to meet up at the usual place. Andrew was not going to practice in front of Neil and sparring with Renee was just as good of a release as Exy.

“Hello Andrew.” She greeted him with a warm smile, dropping her bag by the door.

Andrew nodded as he adjusted his armbands.

“How are you?”

Andrew shrugged. “Alright. And you?”

“I’m well. Thanks for asking.” Renee reached into her bag to retrieve a hairclip. She then used the clip to pull her freshly cut bangs back.

“You cut them again?”

Renee took off her cross necklace and tucked it neatly away before responding. “My bangs? Yes, I quite like them.”

“Seems a bit impractical.”

“Maybe, but I like them.” She shifted her weight, then added “so does Allison.”

“Ah, there’s the real answer.”

“Oh, hush. You ready?”

  After sparring for a few hours, they both laid on the ground, out of breath and bruised. Andrew could feel it in his ribs and Renee was rolling her shoulder every few seconds. “You’re getting better. Maybe you’ll actually beat me one day.”

Andrew sat up with a hand to his ribs. “Yeah, maybe.” His eyes darted around the room for a pack of cigarettes.

Renee sat up as well, her hair a mess of pastel colors and sweat. “Is that what you’re looking for?” She pointed to a pack that had somehow ended up on the other side of the room. Andrew slumped back down, too tired to make the trip.

He looked at Renee then, his mind occupied with thoughts of how they met and how they started sparring like this. It was total chance, odds that were in his favor. Andrew had no intention of meeting any of the foxes until Kevin came along. Even then, he wouldn’t have spared a glance in her direction if not for the split-second recognition he saw in her eyes. He saw something in Renee that he saw in himself, and that was enough to throw her a line. Andrew could never form it into words, but he was thankful for her. She took care of the other foxes so that Andrew could focus on protecting Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin. He made a promise to her and intended to keep it. He also tried to promise to protect Renee herself, but that positioned seemed to already be filled by a six-foot bitchy blonde.

“The foxes.” Andrew prompted.

“Hm?”

“How are they doing?”

Renee sighed, her eyes fluttering shut. “I’d say they have a lot of work to do but I have hope. The season doesn’t officially start for a few more weeks, so I think we can scrape together before then.”

“And Neil?” It was out of his mouth before he knew it.

“He’s not dangerous, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Andrew gazed upward, the fluorescent lights blinding him and splattering his vision with dots. “How do you know?”

Renee opened her eyes and stood to grab her bag. “Sure, it’s obvious he’s hiding something. But Andrew, you should see the look on his face he gets sometimes. He looks at Exy like it’s his salvation.”

“Exy cannot save him.”

Renee shrugged. “No, but maybe the foxes can. Because I swear, he looks at Exy the same way he looks at Matt or Dan or any of the other foxes.”

“Your point?”

“My point is that the only one he is dangerous to is himself, but even he is trying to fix that by making a home with the foxes.”

That pissed Andrew off. He felt the heat rise in his hands and cheeks. Renee seemed to notice and said her goodbyes to give him some space. Andrew wanted to scream. He wanted to hit and scratch and dig into his own skin, his own brain, his own heart. Did Neil really think being with the foxes could save him? That something as easy as surrounding yourself with those idiots could fix him? Could piece together whatever broken pieces he had floating inside?

Andrew didn’t understand and that pissed him off more. He wished Renee didn’t leave so he could ask her. Ask her if it was really that easy. Ask her if there was a possibility for his own salvation. Did it even matter anymore? Andrew would be shut out of the foxes come graduation. Maybe even before then. Nobody would care if he was saved, not even Andrew himself.

  The next time he saw Neil at the court was on a Thursday night. His conversation with Renee was still fresh and it was a miracle that Andrew didn’t march onto the court and beat that boy bloody. No matter how angry he was though, he couldn’t deny that there was an element of curiosity. He was more intrigued by Neil than ever before and this time, he let himself get pulled in.

Andrew would probably get bored eventually so there was no harm in exploring whoever the hell Neil Josten was. At least that’s what he told himself.

 Andrew walked onto the court in gear he borrowed from Aaron’s locker. Neil was so focused on popping a ball at an exact angle that he didn’t notice Andrew until he was a few feet away. “Andrew?”

“The one and only.” Andrew said dryly.

Neil glanced around, like he expected some one else to be with him. “You here to practice?”

“If your offer still stands. Yes or no?”

Neil nodded eagerly. “Yes.”

  Andrew felt strange as he stood in front of the goal. Exposed, even. It was such an overwhelming feeling that he almost walked away as Neil got ready to shoot. He didn’t account for how someone looking at him in the goal would make him feel. It was excruciating, but he pushed it aside.

 The first few shots Neil took were easy to deflect. Andrew figured Neil was just testing the waters, but it did not take long for the momentum to speed up. Neil fired shot after shot and Andrew deflected it every time.

It was not hard to figure out where Neil was intending to shoot. Andrew watched Neil’s footing, his angle, and his swing to counter any move. He learned that in juvie. However, Andrew was still a bit rusty playing against another person, and he had to take a couple dives towards the end. When they were both covered in sweat and Andrew’s lungs felt like they were caving, they called it a night.

They walked to the locker rooms together to shower. Andrew noticed Neil changed his clothes in the stall rather than in the open and Andrew added it to the list of things that made Neil well—Neil.

 They made their way outside, and the cold of the night chilled Andrew’s wet hair. He lit a cigarette and offered Neil one without thinking.

Neil took it but never brought it to his lips.

They stood in silence until their cigarettes burned out, and then Andrew offered him a ride home.

 Once they got to the dorms and stood at their separate doors, Neil spoke up. “Thanks for today. You have so much—”

“You need to work on your footing.” Andrew blurted, stopping whatever useless compliment Neil was about to give. He did not need any more You were amazing’s echoing in his head.

Neil raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

“And your angles.”

Neil smiled then, like Andrew had paid him a compliment. “Got it. Let’s work on that next time?”

 Andrew had no idea what he was doing.

He willed himself to not return to the court again. But night after night, he found himself grabbing a bag and meeting up with Neil.

He told himself that it was harmless. Neil had not told anyone about Andrew playing Exy and he had not mentioned the deal since that one time. He liked a challenge and Neil was starting to make a few goals here and there. They even started to do drills together.

When the practices ended, they would always share a cigarette and ride home together. It became such a stable part in Andrew’s routine that it no longer felt like his world was grainy and rigid around Neil. Somehow, Neil became just another box to the list of things Andrew had to do that day, and all threatening thoughts of Neil had slowly inched their way out.

 Andrew knew it could not stay that way forever. He knew the gleam in Neil’s eyes meant he had other intentions that he was keeping locked away for now. That gleam was the thing he hated most about Neil. He looked at Andrew like a teacher would look at a student or like a coach would look at their star athlete.

And one night when they were doing passing drills and Neil gave him advice on accuracy that Andrew would never have the chance to use, it hit Andrew like a ton of bricks.

Neil was training him.

Andrew stopped so abruptly he almost tipped over. The Exy ball that had been in his racquet fell out and rolled between them. Neil looked up from where he stood a couple feet away. “What’s wrong?”

Andrew had him on the ground and his hands wrapped around his throat before Neil could blink. “What the hell?!” Neil managed to get out.

Some distant part of Andrew’s brain thought that this was the first time he’s ever touched him. “What do you think you’re doing, hm?” Neil struggled beneath him, but Andrew had him pinned. “You think I don’t see what you’re doing?” Andrew loosened his grip so Neil could speak.

Neil coughed violently. “What a-are you talking about?”

“What, do you need everything spelled out for you? I know your training me. I just don’t know why.” Andrew wished he could squeeze the truth out of him.

“Fuck you, get off of me.”

“Wrong answer, try again.”

“Get off of me and I’ll tell you.” Neil spat out.

Andrew let him go, partially because old mechanisms were kicking in and Andrew was starting to detach from this situation. It was only a matter of time before Andrew’s hands would desensitize and the sides of his vision would start to blacken. Just because a foolish boy had tricked him, he was preparing to shut down. Andrew hated himself. And Neil.

“Jesus.” Neil muttered as he sat up.

Andrew grabbed a hold of his chin, forcing Neil to look at him. “Tell me why.” He could barely feel the skin beneath his fingertips.

“Because you have potential.”

That wasn’t enough. “Potential for what?”

Neil eyes locked with his. “Potential to play Exy professionally.”

Andrew, for the first time in months since he was sober, had the inkling to laugh. He didn’t, though. Didn’t crack a smile because it wasn’t actually funny. It was ridiculous and exactly what Andrew was expecting. He let go of Neil and stood up. “What makes you think I want to play Exy professionally? Not everyone is in love with Exy like you.”

Neil looked up at him from the ground. “But you’re brilliant.”

“Flattery gets you no—”

“Your talent is far from anything I’ve ever seen. Why should that go to waste?” Neil stood then, a new look on his face that Andrew had to turn away from. “Join the foxes. Play Exy with us and show everyone what your made of.”

“Nice try, junkie, but your one-track mind is probably why you can’t see it. I don’t care.” Andrew gestured to the court. “I don’t care about the foxes or showing off.”

“Okay. Then why do you play? And why is it a secret?”

Andrew pretended to look at a watch on his wrist. Instead, he saw black where his wrist used to be. “Oops, times up on personal questions.”

“Times up?” Neil questioned, perplexed. “We just got started.”

“And now it’s over. Have a nice life.”

[nickireadstfc]

The King’s Men, Chapter 13 – WHAT THE FUCK, Pt. 2

In which Neil’s father happens.

Sounds good? Who are we kidding. It’s time for Nicki to read The King’s Men.

So.

We finally made it here after all, huh?

Glad you’ve come around to watch the show, friends. Gather round, sit down with a blanket and a book to clutch, and get ready for literal hell.

Our boy has been running from this for two and a half books, and now he’s finally – unfortunately – made it. Neil has stopped running, has stopped hiding, has shed his lies and his disguises and even his name, and has overall wished his life goodbye.

Except, well.

We, of course, have not.

Let’s go.

             Lola had lined the back of his hand with crosshatches and burned angry circles into his knuckles. Another burn mark stained the tender flesh between his thumb and index finger. The burns were starting to ooze, but dried blood smothered most of the mess.

Holy shit.

My non-native English speaking ass had to look up what crosshatch is, and yeah, Lola essentially cut Neil’s (Nathaniel’s?) hand up into a nice argyle pattern.

What the fuck. #deathoutforlolamalcolm

(Thank you to permanentchaos for this gem of a hashtag.)

             He was in the cellar, which meant they’d come in through the garage. An underground tunnel led from one to the other, installed for the sole purpose of moving the occasional body.

Natch.

Fucking natch that this man would have a BODY MOVING TUNNEL.

The Extra™ runs in the family, apparently.  

             Nathaniel and his mother had escaped through it nine years ago. It was only fitting that he was returned home the same way.

Okay, nice. That’s some good ass poetic symmetry right there folks.

I’m in a state of anxiety and dread right now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate some sweet sweet writing.

             Nathaniel brandished his hands at [Lola]. “These are going to get infected if I don’t clean them soon.”

             “I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.”

             “You’re not me,” Nathaniel said, and got to his feet.

Glad to see that Nathaniel is as much of a sassy shit as Neil was.

I’m not kidding, this had been an actual concern of mine.

However, my tiny flicker of enjoyment of this scene is quickly dissolved as things developed and they had to develop – we meet The Man™.

Mr Chop Chop himself, Nathan Wesninski, has entered the room, accompanied by his bodyguard Arnold Schwarzenegger, Evil Edition.

Oh boy.

             “On your feet,” Nathan said. (…) “You know better than to sit in my presence.”

             Nathaniel told himself to stay put, but he was already getting up.

Heck nope.

Just this bit right here already tells us so much about this character and the power dominance in his relationship to Nathaniel, and those are legit his first few lines.

Nathaniel has been so conditioned to follow his father’s orders that he literally can’t not do it. Jesus fuck.

Bless you (but also curse you), Nora, for always introducing characters so spot on.

             “My son,” Nathan said. “My greatest disappointment in life. Where is my second greatest?”

             “Mom is dead,” Nathaniel said.

Holy sHIT.

“My second greatest”, can Nora STOP WRITING SUCH GOOD VILLIANS.

This is a+ wording right there.

I am very, very quickly eating my words about my appreciation of Nathan’s character as he shares some of his, well, fantasies. And not the sexy kind.

(Although I would have a similarly repulsed reaction to hearing Nathan Wesninski’s sexual fantasies, thank you very much.)

             “I’m indecisive. I might skin you alive. I might take you apart one inch at a time and cauterize the wounds. I think no matter what I choose we are going to start by slicing the tendons in your legs.”

Any other time, I would have called him out for being ~Dramatic~, but after what Lola did to Nathaniel in the car and how much she was not overstating her cruelty, I’m kinda fucking terrified.

And mind you, Lola is supposed to be the watered down version of Mr Chop Chop.

Where do I sign up for an exit program right the fuck now.

             “Fuck you,” Nathaniel spat at him, voice sharp with horror.

Glad to see Nathaniel keeping up the Brand™ even in this time of stress.

And by glad I mean absolutely peeing myself in fear.

             Metal flashed a scarce inch from [Nathaniel’s] face as Nathan took a swing with the axe.

And with that, Nathaniel’s father, his gang, his cleaver and his axe set to doing good on their word.

All of this is of course very reminiscent of Neil’s scar-inducing trip to Evermore in The Raven King, except in TRK most of the torture done to him was off-screen, whereas here it is very fucking not so.

I am attributing it solely to my dad exposing me to violent action movies at a young age that I did not get sick reading this.

This is an 18+ book, folks. And in all seriousness, I feel like there should have been a warning about that somewhere.

I am sparing y’all the descriptions of the following pages because you’ve already been through it once already, but.

Please know that this is the most explicitly violent, brutal and terrifying shit that has gone down in this entire series so far (and also, I hope, ever.)

             “We’ll slit your ankles, then your knees,” Nathan told Nathaniel. “And if you try to crawl away I will take your arms from you too.”

Literally HOW IS THIS MAN REAL.

(He’s not. He’s fictional. I know that. Shut up.)

HOW DOES SOMEONE DO SHIT LIKE THIS. HOW DOES SOMEONE DO SHIT LIKE THIS TO THEIR OWN SON.

I’m quitting. I am the fuck OUT.

Nice knowing y’all, but I am deleting this account, see y’all nev–

             “Lola,” Nathan said, but he didn’t get to finish.

             The cellar door opened from the outside, and a swarm of strangers came in shooting.

Wait, what.

Oh SHIT.

STUART’S HERE, the badass distant uncle has come to save the day.

Does this feel a little ex machina? Yes.

Do I care? Absolutely the fuck not, because now my boy Nathaniel gets to live another day with both of his legs intact.

             Nathan was kneeling in the middle of the room with four guns aimed at his head. He started to get to his feet, but someone knocked him back down with the butt of a rifle.

Now that’s what I like to see, folks.

Hit that fucker.

             “How dare you,” Nathan said savagely. “You defy Moriyama by coming here and killing my men. You are a dead man walking. You don’t have the power to–“

             Stuart didn’t let him finish. Nathan’s body jerked as two bullets punched holes into his chest.

NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL QUALITY CONTENT.

HECK YEAAAHHHHHHH.

When his father is killed, though, Nathaniel has an interesting experience:

             That wrenching feeling in his chest wasn’t grief, but a need so fierce Nathaniel thought it would kill him. (…) He couldn’t breathe, much less explain the terrifying exhilaration.

Sounds to me like he’s experiencing Wanting To Have Killed Daddy Himself, but I could be wrong?

Could also be relief, if you consider that Nathaniel legit spent over half of his life running from that guy.

I am mildly confused here as to whether this is what Nora means or if we’re not supposed to understand this feeling either and it’ll be revealed/explained later.

If anyone has anything (spoiler-free) to offer on this, hit me up.

Moving on – Stuart Ex Machina gets Nathaniel out of the house and hands him right over to the FBI, which is at least better than the Torture Cellar of Hell.

             “My name is Nathaniel Wesninski,” he said, “and my father is dead.”

HECK YEAH.

Tattoo this sentence on my forehead, please and thank you.

We’ve been waiting for this for TWO AND A HALF BOOKS, I lowkey can’t believe we’re finally here.

This new development is also pretty okay by Nathaniel (and me), seeing as it’ll finally provide him with some good good medical attention.

Oh, and also opportunities to be a sassy shit.

             “Are you going to be a problem for us?”

             Nathaniel struggled to look up and focus on the man’s face. “I’ve been a problem for nineteen years. I’m too tired to be one tonight.”

I love this boy, whether Neil or Nathaniel or whoever.

Said boy then – understandably – passes the fuck out, and wakes again in a place where I wished he would have been approximately fifty times those past two and a half books:

A goddamn hospital, getting himself goddamn patched up.

Oh, also the feds are here.

Oh, also he’s kind of under arrest.

What can you do.

             “We’ve got a string of offenses we could charge you with, starting with the fake IDs in your wallet and escalating to your mother’s current whereabouts. Just let us know if we’ve got to play hardball.”

             Nathaniel made a rude noise. “You couldn’t at least use an Exy idiom?”

I am CACKLING.

This absolute NERD.

„Yes officer, you have me arrested, but gosh fuckin darnit honor the might Exy, will you.”

Nathaniel, despite what he said to them last night, continues being A Problem for the FBI, answering only the minimum of questions and then turning to repeating pretty much one phrase, despite what the feds try to bribe/threaten him with:

             “I want to see my teammates.”

Fucking iconic.

Oh yeah, also said teammates have been brought in for questioning and now know everything about Nathaniel’s dirty gritty backstory. Oops.

I doubt they will care, but apparently the FBI does not share my opinion.

             “You’re wrong,” Nathaniel said. “They can’t leave without Andrew, and Andrew won’t go anywhere until he talks to me.”

             “You don’t know that.”

             “Yes, I do.”

HECK YES HE DOES.

Andrew will absolutely rip him a new one for hiding all this shit from him, but I’ll be damned if he won’t activate heaven and earth to see his boyfriend.

             “You can take me to him, or you can let me rot silently in a cell somewhere. Those are your only options.”

Heck YES.

God, those two. <3

The FBI are not as hyped about Andreil as I am, sadly, and the next day they take him away into custody without letting him see anyone.

A blasted shame.

             Nathaniel couldn’t sleep, but at least he could daydream his father’s death over and over again. That was almost enough to make him smile, and eventually it thawed the chill from his veins.

And in a way, that is strangely comforting.

I’ll see y’all next week.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me through the heartbreak of this chapter, why not buy me a coffee? Every lil bit helps, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!

[nekojitachan]

Okay, so there was this post, about where I was stuck at a rather miserable wedding. And in the comments, @fuzzballsheltiepants left a comment about imagining being stuck at the wedding with Neil and Andrew at the table.

Well, guess you could say that it inspired this fic.

No real warnings here, other than Neil stirring up trouble. Oh, and drink responsibly.

*******

“Who the hell does a puzzle game at a wedding?”

The left corner of Neil’s mouth twitched upward at the hint of indignation in his husband’s voice; he glanced over to find Andrew, his expression bored (better than murderous), gazing around the room with a half-empty plastic cup held in his left hand. He looked so handsome in his black suit with dark grey dress shirt (sans tie), blond hair freshly trimmed and bangs brushed back from his forehead. Yet for all the enticing picture he made at the moment, Neil would much rather he be dressed in a pair of comfortable sweats – that they both be in sweats and at their townhouse, busy making dinner and spoiling the cats than stuck at Regan’s wedding.

Unfortunately, it seemed that when the captain of your Exy team got married, you were expected to attend the event, especially if you were a married couple yourself and they helped back a transfer that got the two of you on the same team at last.

Dammit.

“I must admit, that’s the first I’ve heard of it – if anything, Nicky would have had it at his wedding.” Neil smiled when Andrew snorted at that, considering the spectacle the event had already been. “Or suggested it for ours.” When his husband grimaced, his smile widened. “Though to be fair, I think seeing who could pick a lock fastest would have been more ‘us’.”

“That or break out of handcuffs,” Andrew suggested while giving him a narrow look for some reason, then finished the last of his whiskey. “But we were smart enough to skip all of this nonsense.” Their ceremony had lasted five minutes, tops, at the courthouse and included only their most ‘necessary pests’ (Andrew’s words).

“True,” Neil murmured as he glanced around the large room crowded with people; some he knew since they were teammates, but most were strangers – Regan’s family and friends, or Sarah’s, he supposed. He’d only known the Dynamite’s captain for a few months, not counting the occasional meet-up when his former team played Andrew’s, and so wasn’t that familiar with the man’s fiancée.

Certainly not familiar enough to feel as if he should be stuck at the man’s wedding, but Regan wanted his team there for some reason, so Neil (and Andrew) had to suffer through the thing. Strict orders had been given – they couldn’t leave until after the cake had been cut and handed out.

Dammit.

At least there was an open bar, which they braved yet again so Andrew could have another drink (Neil stuck with juice since he wasn’t comfortable having more than a glass or two of beer or cider with his new teammates), but it seemed by then that the servers were done walking around with appetizers. Andrew stood there radiating indignation while Dave (backliner) introduced Neil to his wife, Laura, then clicked his tongue in disgust once they left. “They said the reception would start at 5:30. That was ten minutes ago.”

“Uhm, these things tend to run late?” Neil winced at the spark of irritation in his husband’s hazel eyes. “Maybe there’s something left at the cheese table.”

That seemed to appease the walking black hole, at least for the moment; they went into the one room where a cheese and vegetable spread had been placed (and a small classical quartet played music), and found that it hadn’t been entirely picked clean just yet.

They also found Mark, the team’s sub goalie, being berated by a guest who appeared determined to convert him to a vegan lifestyle. “-much better for the planet if you stop murdering animals because you ‘like a nice steak now and then’,” the young woman sneered.

Neil was bored, stuck wearing a suit (even if Andrew had picked it out for him and it always led to a quite enjoyable time later when it came to removing it) and would much rather be home, so he decided ‘what the hell’ because when would he see most of these people again? “Actually,” he informed the woman as he cut into her tirade, “there are some downsides to a vegan lifestyle. I mean, unless you’re growing everything yourself with sustainability in mind, you can negatively impact the environment even if you’re not ‘murdering animals’.” He gave her a cold smile as he nodded to her fake leather purse and shoes. “Think plastic is good for the planet? Or when you just have to have your latest fad vegetable or grain to the point you don’t care how it impacts the area around it?” He tried to remember some of the other arguments Allison had made during their last visit together, but it seemed that he’d already annoyed the woman enough as she’d taken to glaring at him (along with her date for the evening) while Mark smiled in relief and Andrew continued to decimate what remained of the cheese.

“You don’t have to be an asshole,” she snapped before she stomped away (with date in tow), and even tossed her long, black hair over her shoulder in emphasis.

“Thanks.” Mark gave him a relieved smile then took a swig of his beer. “All I did was make a joke about if she thought we’d be lucky enough to have steak for dinner and she went off on me. What happened to ‘each their own’, eh?”

“We’re with you there,” Neil agreed; personally, he didn’t care about one’s lifestyle choices as long as they didn’t impact others, and wished that more people felt the same.

He talked with Mark and Jennie (offensive dealer) who joined the discussion while Andrew basically cleared the table, and then it was back to the bar (some people better have a ride home or plan on cutting themselves off soon, because it was clear the long wait for dinner was not a good thing). “You just can’t resist stirring up shit, can you?” Andrew mused as he swirled the whiskey (at least the bar was stocked with semi-decent liquor or Neil suspected they’d have been long gone, ‘cake’ rule or no cake rule).

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.” Neil kept a straight face until Andrew scoffed, then smiled enough that the scar on his left cheek ached from stretching so much.

They snuck outside to smoke (one of their five cigarettes each of the day), uncaring of the cold when they were alone and able to enjoy each other’s company in silence for a little while. Then it was back inside, where they found a quiet corner to wait (well, except for when Andrew bitched and bitched about how Regan had no fucking clue how to tell time) for the reception hall to be ready.

Almost an hour and a half later than it had said on the invite, the doors were opened and they were ‘invited’ to sit at their arranged tables for the reception part of the wedding. Regan and Sarah had set things up so the players were scattered amongst their family and friends.

Somehow, Neil wasn’t surprised (not with his luck) to find himself at the same table as the vegan couple.

She gave him and Andrew a cold look and immediately made it clear that she and her boyfriend were the best of friends with another couple at the table, which left two other couples for Neil and Andrew to talk to for the next hour or two. Except that Andrew had never gotten along very well with Lucas, who helped with the team’s media accounts (which meant that Neil didn’t, either), and the other couple were related to Sarah and had kids, so Neil listened to them ramble on for a couple of minutes about nine-to-five jobs and toddlers and just lost focus around the time they mentioned ‘day-care’.

“We’re going back to the bar, and this time distract the bartender while I grab the bottle of whiskey,” Andrew murmured in German.

Considering that vegan-girl was going on about some amazing quinoa recipe, Neil figured that it was the best thing possible, or else he’d be calling Renee to help him break his husband out of prison for mass homicide.

On second thought, it might be a good idea to text her just in case…..

While the maid of honor rambled on about what a precious saint Sarah was, he smiled at the one bartender (who appeared exhausted and looking forward to a break, now that people were seated and about to be fed), and asked about gin drinks while inching a twenty toward the tip jar, and walked off with a gin and tonic he would sadly have to ignore (especially since it was obvious that he’d be driving home) while a smug Andrew cradled his illicit goods beneath his coat back to the table.

Andrew stared everyone down as he drank straight from the bottle, while Neil had never been so grateful to see a salad appear in front of him in his life.

That and the bread baskets had to last them until it was their table’s turn to go to the buffet for any real food, and of course they were table ten. “Isn’t it odd, how all of a sudden the balls seem attracted to Regan’s head,” Andrew said as he snatched up the last two rolls, much to Lucas’ ire.

“Or his car tires are always deflated.” Neil hadn’t thought that the backliner had disliked them, but he was beginning to revise that opinion. “Good thing we didn’t go with the one bar set he wanted as a gift.”

“No, he deserves that horrid vase.” A slight shiver of distaste ran through Andrew’s stocky body.

“Ah, it’s rude to talk in a language no one else understands,” vegan-girl’s bestie said with evident disapproval, never mind that most of the table had been carrying on a conversation together - without Andrew and Neil.

Andrew gave her a blank look while Neil offered his father’s smile until she blanched. “Not our fault you don’t understand it,” he said before he rolled his eyes and turned back to his husband. “Make sure to throw the balls really, really hard.”

The look he received from his ‘better half’ made it clear that he needn’t have said anything.

While they waited for their turn, Neil exchanged a few texts with Renee (Andrew appeased for the moment, but chance for bloodshed still possible, while she mentioned various flight arrivals, that Allison was excited about her upcoming fashion line and that a care package was on its way to them). For his part, Andrew sipped the whiskey while he recited a German drinking song with rather dubious lyrics in a rote manner in an obvious attempt to annoy their dinner-mates.

(It worked.)

Everyone appeared relieved when it was finally their turn to eat; vegan-besties tried to get there first, but Andrew blocked speeding balls for a living while Neil dealt with people larger than him trying to knock him down all the time, so they had no problems getting to the buffet ahead of everyone else. Neil threw a smile over his shoulder at the couple while Andrew grabbed their plates.

At least the food looked decent; Andrew loaded up on the lasagna, fried chicken sliders and prawns, while Neil had the first two and a bowl of fruit salad; the vegetables were roundly ignored.

When vegan-girl saw their plates at the table, she glared (especially at Andrew, who was busy breaking apart the pieces of lasagna). “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

Could she not see the bowl of fruit? Neil opened his mouth to argue and then thought better of it – Renee would be slightly peeved if she had to break both of them out of jail, after all. “What type of cake do you think it is, hmm? Chocolate? Vanilla? Almond?”

“It better be the best damn cake in the world after putting up with this shit,” Andrew muttered between bites of food.

On that they both agreed.

It was quiet while everyone ate, which Neil put down to everyone being hungry, and then the married couple made noises about it being late (not really) and the babysitter and kids. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised when first the wife left the table and then the husband once their plates were empty, and neither returned after ten minutes.

He was jealous as hell.

Even though there had been a couple of (thankfully short) speeches when the Regan and Sarah had entered the large room, Regan’s best man (Tim, his brother) got up to say a few more words and then the cake was wheeled into the room. Neil and Andrew perked up at that, even though it looked to be covered in that awful fondant icing and lots of gold dust. There was more talking (why?) between Regan and Sarah, and then they finally cut the damn thing.

“Maybe we’ll be out of here soon,” Andrew murmured as he tapped his fingers against the top of the table.

“One can hope.” The next time they got any invitations that weren’t from their fellow Foxes in the mail, Neil was going to come down with a case of food poisoning or something instead of suffer through another wedding.

Andrew got up from the table at one point, so Neil pulled out his phone to text with Renee some more to ask her what she thought might bring on some convincing flu-like symptoms for a couple of days (he’d ask Aaron, but chances were fifty/fifty that the bastard might poison him for real) while he half-expected the fire alarm to go off.

Especially when Andrew didn’t come back in ten minutes.

(He knew his husband hadn’t gone off without him, because then there would be bloodshed.)

Andrew finally returned bearing two plates overloaded with cookies, of all things. “That’s not cake.”

“Nice to see you haven’t taken too many hits to the head yet,” Andrew remarked as he pushed something round, white and covered in powdered sugar toward Neil, who regarded it with some suspicion but bit into it regardless; it was a shortbread cookie with walnuts so not bad. “There’s a cookie table out there.”

“Really?” Neil thought about that while Lucas’ wife (who actually nice) looked on with interest. “Okay, why?”

Andrew shrugged and had another cookie, some rolled thing with filling. “Something about Sarah being from Pennsylvania and it being a tradition there, from what the server told me.” Knowing Andrew, all he cared about was that there were sweets readily available.

Neil leaned against his husband while the glutton ate his way through the cookies, and smiled when a pumpkin spice cookie was nudged his way (it was good). When twenty minutes went by and still no cake but a DJ invited people (more like harassed) onto the dance floor, Andrew made a slight growling noise, had another swig of whiskey and went to fetch more cookies.

It was beginning to feel like they’d never leave the damn wedding, that they were trapped there forever. Neil had survived a life on the run, had lasted through two (three) weeks at Evermore, had been tortured, so refused to be broken by this evening.

But dammit, it was hard.

Especially when the DJ started playing Justin Bieber.

When Andrew began to slide his fingers beneath the cuffs of his sleeves, Neil knew that they had to leave, and they had to leave now. “Go get our coats,” he whispered in his husband’s left ear, followed by a slight nuzzle. When Andrew gave him a curious look, mindful of their instructions for the night, he smiled in a confident (well, Nicky called it his ‘oh shit we’re dead’ grin) manner. “Trust me.”

“I’m not that drunk,” Andrew insisted, yet grabbed the bottle of whiskey which did have a good bit left in it still and left the table.

Neil couldn’t resist giving a chilling smile to the remaining people at the table, which made them cringe back, before he headed to the kitchen. The staff was surprised to see him and tried to politely shoo him away, but all it took was holding up two fifties and explaining how his spouse had a headache so he needed two slices of cake (which was already cut and plated, so what the hell was the hold-up?) to go.

They were only too happy to box those two slices for him.

He made sure to take pictures of the slices, which he’d provide to Coach Denham to prove that he and Andrew had remained at the damn wedding until they’d gotten their cake, per instructions.

Cake in hand, he left the busy staff to their work and headed to the front door, where Andrew should be waiting for him. Andrew and their coats… and a large platter covered with cookies, apparently.

“Uhm….”

“Let’s go,” Andrew said as he shoved Neil’s coat into his arms.

Neil wasn’t going to ask, not when his husband radiated barely contained annoyance and there weren’t any dead bodies (that he knew of, which was all that mattered).

The cake box in the back seat of the Maserati and the cookie platter firmly held on Andrew’s lap, Neil smoothly shifted the car into gear to drive them home. “For any future weddings, we’re out of town,” Andrew declared before he bit into a brownie.

“Agreed.”

It was a peaceful drive home, the only sound the purr of the car’s engine and Andrew munching on cookies. Once they were inside their townhouse, Neil put the cake and the remaining cookies (he smiled when he noticed that Andrew had gotten more of the pumpkin ones for him) away, then fed the cats, who acted as if they were such starved creatures.

When he straightened up, Andrew was next to him. “Hey,” Neil breathed out, his smile strengthening as he was tugged closer by broad hands on his hips. “Renee was ready to fly out here and help me stage a jailbreak in case you snapped tonight.”

“It was close,” Andrew admitted. “Someone tried to get me out on the dance floor, but Terri cut her off before she lost her arm.”

And probably more than that, knowing Andrew, Neil thought with a slight wince; he would have to thank his fellow striker next week. “Well, we’re home now, you still have some sweets left despite everything, and I’ve this suit which I can’t quite remember how to take off.” Neil batted his eyelashes a couple of times. “Won’t you help me?”

“Pathetic as always, Josten,” Andrew sneered, but the heat in his lovely hazel eyes had nothing to do with anger or disgust.

“Josten-Minyard,” Neil reminded him before he was tugged down for a kiss, a pleased hum escaping as warm, strong hands slipped beneath his jacket.

The evening might have been horrible, but he couldn’t complain about the sugar rush from all those cookies Andrew had eaten, oh no.

*******

Ok, I really do need to get back to some in progress fics. But that was mildly amusing (and cathartic).

[badacts]

PLS WRITE SOME KID KEVIN PLSSSSS

here ya go pal (and the others who requested baby kevin) - babysitting ft. aaron and katelyn

Aaron Minyard is used to disasters, so he figures babysitting a toddler can’t be that hard.

The irony of his brother having a child before him doesn’t escape him. He and Katelyn decided to wait until their training was mostly finished so that they had both time and money, and Aaron doesn’t regret that. It doesn’t negate the strangeness of Andrew as a father, though.

The point is, he and Katelyn are planning on having children, and they like children, so looking after a three-year-old shouldn’t be that difficult. Not even when the three-year-old in question belongs to Aaron’s brother, the least likely parent in the world, and Neil fucking Josten.

Neil is, of course, the one to drop Kevin off at Aaron and Katelyn’s house, along with a large array of things. He looks at Aaron looking at all of the…kid stuff, and says, “Don’t worry. That’s normal.”

“Alright,” Aaron says, because he’s trying a new thing where he’s agreeable when it comes to Neil. It was Katelyn’s suggestion, and if he’s honest he’s only stuck with it thus far because of the expression on Neil’s face when Aaron agrees with everything he says.

“He’s had dinner, and I guess I don’t have to give you the usual spiel about poison control that we give our sitters,” Neil says, after a moment of staring at Aaron like he’s grown another head, “But if anything goes wrong, just call us. We’ll both have our phones on.”

“Yeah,” Aaron says, and then receives an armful of sleep-warm and somewhat grumpy-looking Kevin. 

“He’s going to cry when I leave,” Neil says helpfully. “A lot. But he’ll stop eventually. Then he’ll want to sleep, so that will be your evening sorted.”

“Great,” Aaron says. “Anything else?”

“We’ll be back around ten,” Neil says. “Call me if there’s any problems.”

“You said that already.”

“Just making sure you got it.” Neil steps almost uncomfortably close to Aaron and strokes Kevin’s head. “See you in a bit, buddy. Be good.”

Kevin huffs at that and presses his slightly sticky face into Aaron’s neck. Aaron has to look away from Neil’s softened expression – weird, weird, weird – and mutters an answering farewell when Neil leaves at last.

He pushes the door closed with his foot, and then it’s just him and a toddler. Katelyn will be home in a half-hour, but that’s fine.

“Alright,” Aaron says, because he’s worked with little kids, and he likes them, but that’s nothing like having sole charge of one. He leaves most of Kevin’s stuff in the hallway and heads to the lounge, sitting on the couch.

Kevin wakes up a little at that, looking at Aaron and then looking around the room like he’s searching for something. His lip wobbles. Aaron sighs.

“Oh my god,” Katelyn says when she gets in. She’s a little wind-blown, changed out of her scrubs into jeans and a sweater.

Aaron doesn’t have a response, but inwardly he agrees. It’s a good thing they have a house rather than an apartment, but even so their neighbours are probably considering a noise complaint right now.

“Nothing wrong with his lungs,” Katelyn says, stealing Kevin out of Aaron’s arms and balancing him on her hip. “Hey! What’s all this for, huh?”

If anything, that makes Kevin shriek louder. Katelyn bounces him gently, unbothered. “Are you sad your dads left you? Hey, fair enough. I would cry too. That’s okay.”

Her voice is mild, and she rubs Kevin’s back with her free hand. “C’mon, I’ll show you around. You can look at the windows or something.”

She disappears from the room, Kevin’s crying quieting a little with a wall or two between him and Aaron. It’s amazing how primal the sound of it is – Aaron could have sworn it wouldn’t bother him, but he’s more flustered than he ever gets, like there’s some instinct telling him he needs to do something to fix Kevin.

Ten minutes later, the crying gets louder again, and Katelyn reappears in the lounge. “Wow, okay. Why don’t you go back to your uncle, huh? He’s probably already deaf now.”

“Thanks,” Aaron tells her, though he accepts Kevin’s weight straight away. Then he leans close to Katelyn so he can kiss her, just a quick peck. “Why don’t you go have a shower, and we’ll make dinner?”

“Alright,” she replies. “‘We’, huh?”

“The sound of crying helps me cook,” Aaron lies, heading into the kitchen. He’s defrosted some bolognaise he made a while back and froze half of, and he puts a pot of water on the stove to boil for pasta. It’s a little tricky with one hand but not impossible, and Kevin might be loud but he’s not wriggling. Actually, he’s clinging to Aaron, his fists caught up in Aaron’s shirt.

“You’re a real crybaby,” Aaron tells him quietly. “It’s not like they aren’t coming back.” 

It might be wishful thinking, but Aaron swears there’s a momentary lull in Kevin’s crying. Keen to maintain it, he says, “It’s very overdramatic. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Want daddy,” Kevin whines, the first concrete words he’s said this evening. “Please!”

“You’re very polite,” Aaron observes. “They’re busy, but they’ll be back later. Want to stir the sauce?”

“No,” Kevin says, and shoves his face into Aaron’s neck again. “No, no, no.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll do all the work,” Aaron replies. “They must be feeding you over there. You’re heavy.”

“No,” Kevin repeats.

“Okay. Sure you don’t want to stir?”

Kevin’s head lifts from Aaron’s shoulder, and he stares balefully down at the pot with his big reddened eyes. Eventually he says, “Okay.”

Tomato sauce spatters the stovetop, but at least Kevin isn’t crying anymore. In fact, by the time the pasta is cooked, he’s sagging into Aaron.

Katelyn reappears then, wet haired and fresh faced. She steps up next to Aaron, peering at Kevin’s face, and murmurs, “Oh, all worn out?”

Aaron and Kevin both make mutters of agreement. 

“I set up the pack’n’play,” Katelyn says, because she’s a multi-tasking genius. “Go put him down and I’ll serve this up.”

Aaron adjusts Kevin’s weight and takes him through to the guest room where the bed is ready to go. It’s surprisingly difficult to manoeuvre Kevin down on the mattress – Aaron needs to do weights or something – but he manages to be gentle.

Of course, the second Kevin’s back touches the mattress, his eyes open and he shrieks.

“Jesus fuck, you’re possessed,” Aaron says, but obliges when Kevin reaches up to him. When he’s back in Aaron’s arms he clings, crying miserably. “Okay, alright. Guess I’m stuck with you.”

He rubs at Kevin’s back and takes him back out to the lounge. Katelyn puts her head out of the kitchen and looks at the two of them.

“That didn’t work so well,” she states the patently obvious. Kevin is sniffling instead of all-out bawling now, but his little grip is surprisingly strong. “You want dinner, babe?”

“In a minute,” Aaron replies distractedly, sitting onto the couch with Kevin against his chest. This time he settles in, ear to Aaron’s heart, and it’s…something.

“Here,” Katelyn says after a few minutes, sitting down beside him and putting a fork in his hand. She has an oversized bowl of pasta that she nestles in the gap between her thigh and his, helpfully hemmed in by Kevin’s socked feet. She also flicks the television on a home design program – they got into it doing up the house and never got out of the habit of watching – and pops a penne in her mouth.

“Thanks,” Aaron tells her, taking a forkful for himself. On-screen, a blonde woman holds paint chips to an undercoated wall.

At some point Katelyn takes the bowl away again, and returns with a light blanket that she tucks in around Kevin. When she retakes her spot on the couch she curves into Aaron, rubbing a hand absently over his side. That’s about the last thing Aaron remembers.

He stirs what feels like moments later to the sound of voices too clear to be from the TV. He’s warm and heavy and comfortable.

“His shifts have been all over the place,” Katelyn is saying, her voice low.

Kevin moves in Aaron’s lap, and Aaron startles badly, clutching at him with that sick barely-awake impression of falling even when it’s not him moving. He opens his eyes and finds himself face-to-face with Andrew, who is lifting Kevin off of him, blanket and all.

Aaron sits up and rubs a hand over his face. “What time is it?”

“Ten past ten,” Neil replies from the door, one of Kevin’s bags over his shoulder. His collar is hanging open, tie no doubt ripped off the second he escaped from whatever fancy Exy event they’ve been at tonight.

It’s official – Aaron knows Neil too well. One day he’ll figure out how his life got to this point, but it won’t be today.

“You were right,” Aaron tells him, standing. His lower back twinges because he’s getting old.

“About?”

“The crying.” Aaron doesn’t mention the sleeping part, because they’ve seen the proof of that themselves. “We didn’t have to call poison control though.”

“He was fine,” Katelyn hastens to add. “Loud, but good.”

“Thanks,” Neil tells her, hugging her with one arm in his usual brisk fashion. Andrew is already halfway to the door, which is business as usual. 

The difference is the way his body curves to accommodate Kevin’s weight, cradling him close with Kevin’s head nestled into his collarbone. Even the proud line of his neck is loose, chin tilted down.

Aaron might be getting old, but his brother has got soft.

Once they’re gone, Aaron pops his back, sighing a little. He jerks when Katelyn prods him in the side with her finger, grabbing her hand to stop her. 

“That was nice,” she says, transitioning smoothly from poking to holding his hand. “Right?”

“He’s a good kid,” Aaron replies, which is as close as he’ll get to agreeing. Katelyn recognises that by the shape of her smile.

“You’re good with him,” she says, and leans close to kiss him. It’s just outside the realms of chaste, but not quite enough that it stirs him away from the bed bed bed his body is chanting. When she pulls back, she’s smiling. “Go sleep. I mean, presuming the nap won’t keep you from sleeping.”

“Hah,” Aaron huffs dryly, kissing her again before he goes.

[softproko]

There's life without exy? (it's more likely than you think)

A Riko-centric fanfic for @poze-laceen for the AFTG winter exchange @aftgexchange Sorry for the delay, I got caught up in this prompt and still could not really finish it. I promise I will add a special cute date next week!

Read on AO3 here or continue reading below. Warnings for: canon typical violence, suicide attempt, mental health issues and original character(s).

Prompt: Au where riko isn’t killed but instead gets kicked out of exy by ichirou and goes to live in the countryside suburbs where he meets a house servant housekeeper ichrou hires who he falls in love with and they go on cute dates 

Ichirou had a gun to his head. His own brother, born of the same mother, held a gun and his life in the palm of his hand, and Riko closed his eyes in a mixture of relief and terror.

“No,” Neil -Nathaniel- said, shocking not only Ichirou and the rest of the men in the room, but also Riko.

“No?” the gun still kissed Riko’s temple, and he took a short breath. “You are making demands that I not kill someone who has pulled us all into this mess?”

Neil looked at Riko and nodded, looking into Ichirou’s cold eyes with an equally cold look. “His whole life is exy. Why not take that from him?”

Ichirou laughed and Riko did as well, until Ichirou aimed at Riko’s knee and shot. To Ichirou’s ears, Riko’s laughter and screams sounded the same.

 When Riko came to, having passed out from the pain and then from the sedatives and anesthesia, the doctors told him he would never play a sport again. He was lucky, they said, to even keep his leg. It would take therapy to make sure he would be able to walk, or run perhaps, properly.

Ichirou visited Riko only once during his recovery. He sat across from Riko’s bed and stared at him for a couple of minutes before speaking. Riko was to go to therapy – physical and mental – at least once a week. He was to move to a remote place; not too far for Ichirou not to have any control over him, but not too close for him to be under the watchful eye of media and former fans. He was not to contact any of the Ravens, neither those who still played nor those who had graduated before. He was to have a housekeeper, a nanny, essentially, Riko thought; someone to keep an eye on him and help him adjust to the normal life.

“This is my gift for you,” Ichirou said as he rose from his chair. “Consider it an early Christmas gift. But do not think, for a moment, that as soon as you screw up, I can have you erased in less than a second.”

Riko was not sure which he would have preferred if he had the choice – a life without exy or no life at all.

The house Ichirou had gotten for him was a few hours’ ride from the major airport in the state. The suburbs were quiet, boring almost, but just as Ichirou had wished – no media, no possible fans, still close enough for a great medical centre that the Moriyamas now funded.

I hate it here Riko wanted to say. Instead he thanked the real estate agent for the keys and let them give him a tour of the house; a nice sized kitchen, a dining room, a living room and a bathroom downstairs; two bedrooms and a small office along with a bigger bathroom upstairs. I hate it here and I want to die Riko wanted to say, but instead he smiled and assured the real estate agent that everything looked absolutely perfect.

The first housekeeper that Ichirou assigned him reminded Riko of a middle-aged mother of three who cannot keep a man because of her verbose ways. It took Riko an hour to tell her to fuck off when she asked him what he would like for dinner. It took him another hour to threaten her with a knife, call her a whore, and ten minutes after that she was calling him the devil’s spawn and quitting the job.

The second housekeeper was a girl Riko’s age. If the older woman had treated Riko like a delinquent son, the younger woman treated him like a brother. She teased him when he would not eat, and chastised him when he would lock himself into the bathroom, trying to figure out which way to slit his wrists.

Ichirou fired the woman a week later after she had called ambulance, having found Riko in the bathtub with his wrists looking like a kitten with razors for claws had scratched him. Riko spent another month in the hospital, but this time did not receive any visitors. Had he, he would not have known what to say.

The third housekeeper was already in his house when Riko took the cab home, making food in the kitchen. Unlike the first housekeeper, who had greeted Riko and had waited for a hello from him, and unlike the second housekeeper who always met Riko at the door, this housekeeper did not even stop moving around in the kitchen, the pots and pans clanging around. They did not ask him how he was, they did not ask him what he would like to eat, they did not try to see if Riko needed help.

Riko spent hours in his room, and when he finally got out to venture into the kitchen, he found a bowl of cold soup on the table. It tasted surprisingly well, albeit it was cold. Eating soup at midnight while sitting on a countertop was a novelty he had not experienced enough, and so he took a few minutes to look around the kitchen for real, for the first time.

He was focusing on wondering where the knives were when he heard steps behind him. Instead of being told off for eating this late, or eating cold soup, his housekeeper went to the fridge and poured himself some soup too. The two of them eyed each other as they ate – the housekeeper eyeing Riko’s long-sleeved shirt and the supporting bandage around his knee; Riko eyeing the glasses perched on brown hair and the shirt of some obscure band T-shirt he wore.

“Ainsley,” the man said, slurping some soup. “PUP,” he said, pointing to his T-shirt for a second.

Riko finished his soup and got up without saying a word.

 Ainsley was an oddity, Riko soon decided. He would not bother Riko about anything, would not ask him what he ate and what allergies he had, would not force him to get out of his room every day, and only actually approached Riko when it was time for his weekly therapy sessions. He cooked daily, did laundry once a week and went to the store to buy necessities when they were out. Sometimes they would have takeout, and Riko could eat in his own room when he wanted to have a snack.

Yet there was something… wrong with him as well. Riko did not see him use a computer or a laptop, and his phone rang every few days, to which he always answered after exiting the house. If his second housekeeper had talked about having a boyfriend, Ainsley seemed to be as detached from society and relationships as Riko was.

Then there was the incident.

Ainsley had gone to the store and Riko had scouted the kitchen for knives, had gone through each and every shelf, cabinet and storage space, but he had found none. He had checked Ainsley’s room (the door was locked), had checked the kitchen again (one of the cabinet doors was locked and he had no idea where a key could be) and had even pulled open the freezer door. There were no knives in sight.

“What are you doing?” Ainsley asked when he found Riko sitting on the ground in front of the locked cabinet door.

“Where are the knives?” Riko asked, his back to Ainsley, knocking on the door of the cabinet. “Are they there?”

Ainsley hummed, putting the food onto the counter, then starting to put the groceries away. “Yeah. You’re not allowed to go near them, so just drop it.”

Riko grabbed onto his ankle, glaring up at Ainsley. “I need them. Now.”

“You do not.” Ainsley pulled his foot away from Riko and ignored how Riko cursed and swore at him, and promised to stab him as soon as he got the knives.

“Which is exactly why you’re not getting the knives. Go do something in the living room, watch TV or read or whatever. I need to make food, or we’ll starve.”

Riko threw a book at the TV a minute later but it was alright – they did not watch much TV anyway. He had wanted to scare Ainsley into giving him what he wanted, but Ainsley had behaved in a way that suggested that he was not scared of Riko or whatever he stood for. Somehow that made Riko like him.

 Riko’s birthday just so happened to be the day of his therapy. Instead of getting up like he usually would, he burrowed himself deeper into the blankets and ignored his alarm clock. He also ignored Ainsley who knocked onto his door an hour before his therapy session was due.

“Therapy in an hour,” Ainsley said, not opening the door yet. “I’ll drive you.”

But Riko did not get up. He did not want to shower and to get dressed so that a woman in an ill-fitting pencil skirt could ask him how many times he had thought of killing himself the week earlier. He did not want to drive to the hospital only to be driven back later, and then to lie around doing nothing.

Thirty minutes later, Ainsley opened the door and peeked in. “Oh. Still alive. Get up.”

No. NO! Riko’s mind screamed, but his body turned so that he was looking at Ainsley. Ainsley looked just like he had looked on the first night they had met – an obscure band T-shirt on, and glasses on top of his hair.

“I’m not going,” Riko said when Ainsley did not leave. “I haven’t even showered. I look like a mess. My hair’s greasy.”

It was the most words he had spoken to any of his housekeepers. It did not impress Ainsley, who left for a couple of minutes, only to come back into the room and toss a can at Riko.

“Dry shampoo. We’re leaving in ten.”

 “How have you been, Riko?” the therapist asked him right after he sat down. Riko sighed, shrugging, and tried to tune her out as much as possible.

“Still having bad thoughts?”

He nodded.

“Are you taking your meds?”

Another nod.

“Do you have anyone else to talk to?”

Riko shrugged. Who would he talk to? His brother? He would rather die.

“Did someone drive you here?” She asked, writing down things that Riko had said, or rather things he had not.

He wondered if he could train the muscles in his neck by just nodding.

“Do you think you could talk to them? It’s very hard to be alone in this world, Riko.”

I know this, stupid bitch Riko thought, but gave a small shrug again. Him and Ainsley had nothing to talk about, anyway. What would they talk about? The food Ainsley was going to make? When he was going to do laundry? Who he called and was so secretive about?

 Ainsley waited for Riko in the waiting room, glasses on, reading a book. Riko tried to read the title – Slaughterhouse Five – before Ainsley put the book aside and got up. He did not say anything, and at first, Riko did not. He spoke up once they were in the car.

“It’s my birthday today,” he said quietly as Ainsley turned the engine on. “I’m 23 now.”

Ainsley hummed, taking a right instead of a left. “I don’t have a gift, but I’ll buy you a slice of cake.”

For the first time in over a year, Riko genuinely smiled. “I like red velvet cake.”

 Slowly Riko started talking again. There was not much he wanted to talk to Ainsley about, but he would ask what they would have for dinner, what books Ainsley was reading and why he wore such ugly T-shirts. Ainsley was not very talkative either, giving words and sometimes short sentences as answers, but together they learned how to arrange letters into words and words into sentences without it sounding forced. For a few happy, fleeting, moments, Riko wondered if that was what it felt to have a friend. But then again, Riko had a very hazy idea what ‘friends’ even meant. The Ravens had always been violent and cold and either overly distant or overly physical, so Riko expected Ainsley to be similar – fully withdrawn or draping himself over Riko when they talked; when Ainsley did not touch him unless it was to give Riko some food or to pat his shoulder for when Riko came out of his room and did not mope.

Ainsley mentioned how he wanted to see a movie in the cinema; Riko made the effort to shower and asked Ainsley to go see the movie with him. Riko mentioned how he wanted to walk longer distances now that his knee felt healed; Ainsley drove him to a park after his therapy session and let Riko use him as a crutch for a wonderful hour. Ainsley talked about how one of his favourite authors would be promoting his newest book in the neighbouring town – Riko booked them seats to the reading of the first chapter and spent over an hour listening to a story he did not much care about, only to see Ainsley smile and laugh. Riko said he missed sports – Ainsley took him to see the local high school football team play against someone from their state.

 “Are we friends?” Riko asked one winter morning over a bowl of cereal, wearing his warmest sweater.

“I’m your housekeeper,” Ainsley simply said, shrugging, pulling one of the straps of his tank top up. “It’s a bit different than being friends.”

Riko was upset about the answer for a couple of days until Ainsley demanded they decorated the house together to prepare for Christmas.

“It must be festive,” Ainsley said, another band T-shirt on, trying to wrap the tinsel around the fake Christmas tree, “It’s fucking Christmas!”

The snort that came out of Riko’s mouth was almost a laugh. He was almost content with the tree, the Christmas sweater Ainsley had told him to wear (it was soft and had a snowflake pattern) and the cookies they were to make. In his 23 years, he had not baked anything, but Ainsley promised it would be fine. I’ve made them before, it’ll be fine Ainsley had said as he tossed premade dough into their shopping cart, want to pick what colour icing we’ll use?

Riko had chosen black and red, his two favourite colours. Ainsley had at first laughed, but then had helped Riko to decorate the dozens of gingerbread cookies, shaped like ravens and hearts and snowflakes. Riko wrote a ‘#1’ onto a raven; Ainsley wrote Riko’s name onto a heart shaped cookie. Neither of them spoke of how when Riko saw the cookie, his cheeks turned pink, or how Ainsley gave him a little wink and a smile.

 Riko had not expected to receive any gifts for Christmas. He had not talked to the friends he had had for over a year; his brother would surely not give him anything, and his therapist’s only gift to him had been to tell him he had improved considerably in the time he had been to therapy. He had not expected to give any presents either, yet when him and Ainsley went shopping, and Ainsley spent ten minutes making eyes at a black cashmere sweater without buying it, Riko placed an order online to get the sweater delivered to their door, wrapped in the silliest wrapping paper and the biggest bow the store had. A few more shopping trips, and Riko grew more used to putting in his credit card details and not telling delivery guys to fuck off.

It was not easy to tell who was more surprised to find presents with their name written on them – Ainsley when he found not only one but four gifts under the tree, or Riko when he counted three more presents under the tree than he had put there.

“You got me a present?” both of them said at the same time, and Ainsley smiled widely, wagging a finger at Riko.

“Riko, you know you did not have to get me anything, yes?”

“I wanted to.” Riko said, automatically, picking up a soft rectangular gift. “You didn’t have to get me anything…”

Ainsley shrugged, picking up a nicely wrapped present, shaking it to figure out what it was. “Wanted to. We’re kind of friends, are we not?”

Riko’s blush was hidden by him opening the present and covered by the sound of Ainsley ripping the wrapping paper apart, revealing a black cashmere sweater inside.

“Oh, Riko… Thank you,” Ainsley pulled the sweater on right away, wrapping his arms around his body to feel the soft fabric. “It’s lovely!”

Instead of answering, Riko pulled the gift wrap off the present, trying to figure out why Ainsley had gotten him a pair of mittens, a scarf and a beanie. He did not go out much, and even if he did, they usually took the car.

“So that we can go outside and build a snowman,” Ainsley pointed out, already opening the other presents – books and some fancy cleaning liquid for glasses. “You barely go outside and you’re really missing out on winter. It’d be good for you, too.”

Riko mumbled how he did not like cold and snow anyway, and went towards the kitchen to get himself some gingerbread cookies. Apparently, he was not the only one with such idea, so him and Ainsley tried to step through the doorway at the same moment.

“You go first,” Riko said, gesturing for Ainsley to go.

And then suddenly Ainsley was pressing a quick kiss onto his lips, much warmer than Riko had expected or dared to hope. For what it was worth, Riko kissed back more, more, please, don’t leave me hanging, please until Ainsley pulled away a second later, cheeks flushed, a grin on his face. He pointed at something above them, winking.

“Mistletoe.”

Riko wondered if Ainsley had put it up to have an excuse to kiss him or if Ainsley truly believed mistletoe was an important part of Christmas.

 I want to take you out on a date.

Riko looked at himself in the mirror. He had showered, had shaved, had used deodorant, had put on a clean shirt. A white button up shirt. So what if his face looked sunken in, and the dark circles under his eyes made him look older than he wanted to look. He was a good-looking guy… right?

“I want to take you out on a date.”

Clear, straight to the point. Honest. He could do this.

Ainsley was in the kitchen, making lunch, as he usually would. Riko helped, sometimes, but today he had more important things on his mind than vegetables. He coughed, trying to get Ainsley’s attention.

“Oh,” Ainsley turned, giving Riko a one-over. “You’re looking fancy. Going somewhere? Need me to drive you?”

Riko shook his head, looking at Ainsley. He took a deep breath.

“You. Out.” Fuck.

Ainsley arched a brow, stirring the vegetables on the wok pan. “Excuse me?”

“Go out with me.”

That got him a smile, and Ainsley beckoned for him to take a few steps closer. “Are you asking or telling me?”

“…Asking?” A few steps, still not close enough to reach if either of them held their arm out.

“Ask me nicely,” Ainsley teased, motioning for him to take a couple of more steps, giving Riko the spatula so that he could help with making the food. Riko patted the vegetables, narrowing his eyes as he tried to figure out what exactly Ainsley wanted. A blowjob? Would that be it? Money? Presents?

Ainsley’s hand on Riko’s was gentle. Riko looked at it, and for the first time noticed the scar tissue over the knuckles.

“Repeat what I’m saying. Ready? Do you want to go out with me?”

Riko nodded, cheeks warm. “Yes.”

Ainsley’s laugh was hearty, but warm, and he squeezed Riko’s hand. “You’re lucky you’re so cute.” He leaned even closer, kissing one of Riko’s red cheeks. “After lunch, you can take me out.”

He hummed as he continued cooking the lunch, and Riko had to excuse himself so that he could rush to the bathroom before he made a mess out of himself by blushing or whimpering of joy.

 While Riko was elated to see that Ainsley looked ever so handsome while dressed in a warm sweater and a beanie, he was surprised that Ainsley still wore glasses, even if they would not need to read small letters.

“Are they not reading glasses?” Riko asked, eyeing his companion, fully taking advantage of getting to hold Ainsley’s hand and being so close to him.

Ainsley shook his head, turning to give Riko a little smile. “No. Need them to see most of the time. Not everyone has a perfect vision.”

Riko could understand that. He knew that if a person had stress, their sight could get blurry, had experienced it a lot back in the Nest. There had never been enough time to rest his body and his mind, so Riko had worn a pair of glasses in his glasses and while studying. Now, it seemed, his eyes had adjusted to their surroundings and he only needed glasses if he stayed up too late, watching TV.

“Besides, I wouldn’t get to see your beautiful face without them.” Ainsley winked, and Riko felt his cheeks turn bright red.

They walked to a small café a few blocks away from Riko’s house, and got hot chocolate that they could drink inside. Ainsley offered they could buy cookies or cake, but Riko just wanted something to drink. They sat by the window, watching the snow fall, Riko’s hand resting on Ainsley’s over the table.

“Something on your mind?” Ainsley asked, lifting his glasses up into his hair so that the warm drink would not fog up the glasses. “The hot chocolate not sweet enough?”

Riko shook his head, curling his fingers around Ainsley’s hand. He put his drink down, and took Ainsley’s hand between his, turning it over to map out all the skin he could put his fingertips on. Again, Riko saw the scars and he traced some of them, frowning. Ainsley did not look like he was into sports – how could he have gotten the scars then.

“Accident,” Ainsley answered before Riko could ask. “Glass pieces were everywhere. Had to get stiches.”

Gently, Riko stroked his thumbs over Ainsley’s knuckles. “I’m sorry.”

Ainsley shrugged it off, “Happened a long time ago. It’s fine.”

When Riko brought Ainsley’s hand to his face and kissed the scars on his knuckles, Ainsley’s cheeks turned a shade darker, and he pushed his glasses in front of his eyes.

Good, Riko thought, finally doing something right.

They finished their drinks and left, holding hands the entire way home.

 A few weeks later, it was Ainsley who asked Riko out. He sat down next to Riko while Riko was watching the news in the living room, and grinned, putting his arms behind his head.

“Hear me out, yes? I was thinking. You like sports, yes?”

Riko nodded, not looking away from the TV.

“There’s a basketball game in the city over. Wanna go?”

Riko slowly shook his head. Basketball was not really his thing.

“Oh. What sports do you like then?”

“Exy.”

Ainsley hummed, sitting a bit up. “Alright. I’ll look into it.”

He gave Riko’s shoulder a little nudge before getting up, going upstairs. Later, Ainsley skipped downstairs again, giving Riko a thumbs-up. “Next weekend there’s a little league game. The drive will be three hours one way, but we could g-“

“Yes.” If he could have exy again, even as a spectator, even if Ichirou killed him for that, the rest of his life would be wonderful.

 Behave.

Ichirou’s text message was prompt and Riko had nearly thrown his phone out of the window. Of course he was going to behave. He still limped, could not walk for a longer period of time without having pains in his knee – what did Ichirou think he was going to do? Storm the court and demand to play?

I will.

 “You look like you’re really enjoying yourself,” Ainsley whispered next to his ear, taking Riko’s hand and entwining their fingers. “But you’re frowning a lot.”

“They’re shit,” Riko mumbled, pointing at the backliner. “He’s missing most of his opportunities,” he pointed at the striker next, “She would miss the goal if she stood three feet from it and the goalkeeper had gone for a break.”

Ainsley laughed, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “Cute and smart. How did I ever find you, hm?”

Had Ainsley complimented him years ago when he was the most known exy player in the world, Riko would not have given him a second glance off of court. But now, sitting in the stands and watching a game he would never play again…

Now Ainsley holding his hand and being so close to him made Riko’s heart beat faster than the adrenaline before an exy game ever could.

“Riko… Where are the goals, in like soccer?” Ainsley asked, pointing to where the goals were. Riko sighed, closing his eyes. Perhaps he would manage to teach Ainsley about exy later when they got home.

 When they got home, Riko did not have a chance to educate Ainsley about exy. They stepped into the living room, and Ainsley turned to Riko with a soft, inviting smile. “Would you like to see my room? Nothing too serious, of course. Perhaps… cuddling? More kisses?”

Riko nodded, as if in trance, following Ainsley up the stairs. For that one evening, Riko forgot about everything shitty in his past life, and enjoyed his life. Maybe there was more to life than exy, and perhaps everything would work out fine.

 And it did.

[transgenderboobs]

92 statements

i was tagged by @valjeanmoreaus <3

RULES: You must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people 

putting this under a read more bc its pretty long ?

THE LAST: 1. Drink: uuuhhh water i think ? 2. Phone call: my dad 3. Text message: "ok nvm” 4. Song you listened to: still into you by paramore 5. Time you cried: like this morning lmao 6. Dated someone twice: ya lol 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i regret all the boys ive kissed : - / 8. Been cheated on: not that im aware of ? 9. Lost someone special: :-/ 10. Been depressed: ive been depressed since i was like 11 years old lmao 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: lol yeah

List 3 Favorite Colours: 12 - 14: blue, gray, purple

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes :’) 16. Fallen out of love: nope 17. Laughed until you cried: uuuh no? i dunno. maybe. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: no. whomst has that hot gos about prem danwildsofficial ? 19. Met someone who changed you: uh yeah 20: Found out who your friends are: uh nah 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: noo

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them. 23. Do you have any pets: 2 cats (1 lives w my mom) 2 dogs 24. Do you want to change your name: nope. i already did & im happy w all my names rn 25. What did you do for your last birthday: just went out to pizza & a movie 26. What time did you wake up: uh like 10 i think 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: BICH i was writing 28.  Name something you can’t wait for: 2 move back to fucking portland. waldport oregon is a pit i Need to crawl out of. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: yikes months ago. a couple days after new years ? 31.What are you listening to right now: my fuckin shitass neighbors being loud and shouting at each other  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: uuh no i dont think so ! 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: uuh uuuhhhhhhh uhh kevr*ko always kevr*ko 34. Most visited website: lmfao this one 35.-37. ??????? wheres the mcfucking questions ????? 38. Hair color: blonde rn but naturally auburn (like my Boi neil josten) 39. Long or short hair: uh shoulder length rn 40. Do you have a crush on someone: no 41. What do you like about yourself: im very independent ? i guess. 42. Piercings: tongue, septum, nostril (x2), bellybutton, ears (x2) 43. Blood type: i have no idea ! 44. Nickname: prem 45. Relationship status: single as f u c k 46. Zodiac: aquarius 47. Pronouns: she/her or they/them 48. Favourite TV show: omfg brooklyn 99 definitely 49. Tattoos: i have 6 rn. 50. Right or left handed: right 51. Surgery: none 52. Piercing: woah deja vu 53. Sport: exy lmao none i dont play sports 55. Vacation: oh man i wanna travel so many places

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: nothing at the moment 58. Drinking: nada 59. I’m about to: nothing. its 7 pm and i dont have shit to do 61. Waiting for: school to start again 62. Want: to die lmao no idk 63. Get married: god dont ask me about this im too young 64. Career: at this point i dont even kno

WHICH IS BETTER: 65. Hugs or kisses: damn depends who its from. in general hugs i think 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: whomst cares 68. Older or younger: same age? 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: who cares 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: lmfao i could go for either if she a troublemaker we could get in trouble 2gether but if shes more hesitant she could chill me out for like half a sec

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: no 75. Drank hard liquor: loads of times 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: dont wear em 77. Turned someone down: ye 78. Sex on the first date: ive never been on a real “date” but i was a damn hoe in high school so i had sex on like the first day i met someone more than once 79. Broken someone’s heart: i think so? i dunno 80. Had your heart broken: ye 81. Been arrested: yes. once lol 82. Cried when someone died: i dont kno anyone who’s died 83. Fallen for a friend: kjfhgdjfg yea

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: i wish 85. Miracles: shrug. sometimes. i guess 86. Love at first sight: no 87. Santa Claus: no my fam is jewish i never really did and i was the asshole who told all my friends santa wasnt real lmao 88. Kiss on the first date: i mean yes 89. Angels: just my mutuals 😘

OTHER: 90. Current best friend’s name: do i even have a best friend??? 91. Eye color: brown 92. Favorite movie: ghostbusters (2016)

i mean ive already seen most of my mutuals do this and idk who to tag so?? if u wanna do it go for it !!!