#and his mental health does improve because they take him aside and go hey. you don't need our acceptance. but if you'd like to start over

[eorzeashan]

I find it incredibly hilarious that Eight not only was forcibly retired from being Outlander because he got too murder-y with it, but was relegated to trying out assistant work for Theron because everyone deemed him to have at least a moral backbone with which to allow Eight to get a second opinion off of (and hopefully grow his own). Which results in situations like either Theron getting in trouble and his ever-capable assistant whom was assumed to be a pencil pusher suddenly being revealed to be the former Outlander who disappeared from the role, or Eight himself being targeted as a liability to Theron and then said attackers finding out, unfortunately, that Theron's assistant is a much better fighter than him and why does the Alliance have someone like this doing secretary work.

Zakuul learns to be wary of anyone they assume to only be administrative personnel, lest they be secret assassins and former Ciphers, of all people.

[roostertuftart]

Hey, apologies if you’ve covered this particular thing before but one of the arguments against Kyle in ygo/ab is that in it apparently he can hang out with the fascist, abusive pos he’s dealt with most of his life but not Stan. I have my own halfbaked rebuttals to this idea, but you’re generally better with this kind of thing so thoughts?

Hhhh god this take is so painfully frustrating. I have already kind of gone loosely over it here as well as expanded on other stuff related to this topic.

But yes here we gooooo

Kyle didn’t abandon Stan in You’re Getting Old and Assburgers and I’m honestly really disturbed at how so many people in this fandom seem to think Stan is somehow entitled to Kyle’s constant affection and presence as well as believing that because someone is depressed, you must entirely disregard your mental health and happiness to put them first, even if they behave extremely unpleasantly and treat you poorly because of their mental illness. I’m not here to say that Stan is a bad person or somehow the real villain of these episodes- He’s NOT. He’s a child suffering with depression and it leads to him acting in ways that are hurtful to others because he doesn’t understand his poor mental health and isn’t being given the support and help he needs from his family and medical professionals. I also don’t think that the people pushing this idea actually BELIEVE that you have to put your own mental wellbeing aside for others in favor of theirs- At least not the vast majority of them. But somehow the fandom has became so utterly blinded by this idea because we only see the episode from Stan’s perspective and the fandom itself has just sort of skewed the general idea around the episode in ways that are blatantly untrue to what actually happened in it and it’s lead to people carrying on these annoying brain dead takes. 

I’m going to go over YGO and AB again in less detail than I have in the past- The link I sent has a lot of script backing up my information but I’m going to try going over it again here.

In You’re Getting Old, we see Stan increasingly struggling throughout the episode with his mental health as he falls into a deep depression. He suddenly can’t find joy in anything he used to and is frustrated and upset because of it. The only thing that does give him an inkling of happiness is being with his friends, but he can’t help but continue to complain and vent about anything the boys are doing no matter how hard they (particularly Kyle) tries to find ways to make him feel better and different things that he might enjoy. In the episodes, Stan isn’t just sad and mopey, he constantly talks about how shitty everything his friends find interest in is, making his problems everyone else’s. Once again, I do NOT think this is because Stan is a bad or selfish or mean person, nor do I think it’s fair to hold this behavior against him. He’s ten, he’s never had this problem before nor does he understand why he does. He’s frustrated and sad and the only thing that seems to improve his hurt feelings is to loudly tell everyone how unhappy he is and justify why things are making him unhappy by calling them bad. His behavior is extremely relatable and sympathetic I think to almost anyone who’s been depressed, myself included. 

BUT. I ask you to also look at the episode from KYLE’S PERSPECTIVE. Stan’s birthday passes and suddenly, nothing he does makes his best friend happy. Everything he likes and enjoys is called shitty and bad and stupid and he feels utterly helpless to fix these problems that are far out of his control or understanding. And somehow forgotten by the fandom, Kyle DOES TRY. A LOT. But like Stan, he is only TEN. There is only so much he can do, and he can’t understand or relate to the pain Stan is feeling. He doesn’t know how to fix it, and knowing how frustrated Kyle gets in other cases when he can’t fix or help something, he’s probably feeling entirely helpless and irritated towards himself that he can’t solve Stan’s problems. There’s not really any sign Kyle doesn’t care about Stan suddenly because Stan is “no longer fun” or something like that. He just can’t really fix him??? And it’s not fair to put that on Kyle’s shoulders alone?? 

We don’t know how much time goes on between this last scene and the next when Stan catches his friends hanging out without him after pretending to be sick, but honestly I don’t really think it matters. The point is that Stan is understandably hurt to find that his friends don’t want to hang out with him as much as they used to, but I don’t think that is something he’s entitled to? Like, you’re not entitled to the constant attention of other people no matter what you’re going through, and they’re allowed to have space from you if they want it even if it’s because they’re struggling to handle your mental health. Can this come off as cold and cruel? I think so in some cases. I do agree that just abandoning a friend because of their sudden switch in mental health would be a bit nasty even if it’s entirely someone’s right, but that isn’t even what happened despite how hard the fandom tries to argue this. 

In this scene, Kyle admits guiltily that he did lie about being sick because he needed a break and wanted to enjoy something without being constantly told everything he likes is shitty is bad. It makes sense he wouldn’t tell Stan- He knew this would only hurt him even though it’s completely fair of him to want some space. Kyle’s words here aren’t the most eloquent, but I remind you that he is a child who doesn’t understand what Stan is going through. He’s not mean, he’s blunt, and while he could’ve been nicer, I don’t think it’s fair to hold it against him considering his age and understanding of the situation. 

Stan is hurt that his friends don’t want to not be around him. Kyle tells him quickly that it’s just one movie, and I don’t think it’s fair to assume Kyle is lying here considering more information we learn later. Stan begs to join them. Kyle tells him he can as long as he doesn’t complain the whole time. Stan proceeds to complain while watching despite his friends asking him to stop over and over again, and Kyle, finally fed up, storms out followed by Cartman and Kenny. Stan follows and is told by Cartman that they don’t want to hang out with him anymore, and then he and Kenny leave. In both the scene where Stan catches his friends lying and this one, Kenny and Cartman leave the moment Stan confronts them with little to no concern as to how Stan’s feeling or ever trying to mend the situation or explain themselves. I’m only noting this because I find it really funny that the fandom tries so hard to villainize Kyle as somehow being the worst friend ever in this episode but Kenny McCormick is never at all mentioned for how quick he was to completely drop Stan- Way quicker than Kyle who never even fully does so. I’ve even seen people try to make Kenny mad at Kyle for these episodes or critical towards him??? Like?? Did you not watch it??

But moving on from that, Kyle tells Stan that he’s changed. Stan tells Kyle that the world has changed, and Kyle tells him back that he doesn’t want to view the world in the way Stan is trying so hard to make him see. Once again, I don’t think Stan is bad for this- He wants someone else to understand how much pain he’s in so that they can help him and empathize with him. Kyle understandably doesn’t want to see the world in the same horrible way Stan has begun to, however!! And while I don’t blame Stan for wishing Kyle understood him, the way the fandom somehow expects Kyle to just dive headfirst into trying to view the world in the horribly negative way Stan is is sort of ridiculous and unfair??? “Oh man, my friend is depressed so now I have to be depressed too so that I can understand exactly how he’s feeling and fix all of his problems”- Putting aside that this isn’t really a realistic expectation for Kyle to just somehow do, it wouldn’t help and it’s pretty nasty to imply Kyle is bad for how he reacts to Stan’s words here. Once again, I agree that Kyle could’ve been better with his words here, but he doesn’t understand depression or how to help fix it or what to say. 

This is the last of the dialogue between Stan and Kyle in this episode. From this, we can see Kyle hasn’t “abandoned Stan” and there’s more evidence of this in the future. Kyle has begun to set boundaries and wants space from Stan, he wants to be able to hang out with people who don’t insult everything he likes and who are fun to be around. He hasn’t DROPPED STAN. Stan isn’t entitled to constantly hang out with Kyle and Kyle is entitled to be apart from him and do things with other people sometimes! This isn’t disloyal or cold for him to do??? 

After this, Randy and Sharon divorce and Sharon moves herself and the kids out. This would have been a relatively long process that realistically should’ve taken place over like… Two or three weeks at least, if not a month or longer. But it’s pretty ridiculous to act like only a day or so passed since YGO and AB. In this montage, we see Kyle hesitantly approach Stan from behind when he’s sitting alone. He stops and then sadly walks away, seemingly not knowing what to do and giving up on helping at this moment. Later, we see Kyle playing video games with Cartman, and he smiles, enjoying himself. I’m going to expand on Kyle and Cartman’s relationship later but this is relevant. 

Moving on to Ass Burgers, we see Stan is still depressed after the long time period that was heavily implied to have passed. Kyle and Cartman are back to arguing about aspergers. They leave the bus stop to go ask Kyle’s dad about it and Stan doesn’t follow. I guess you can argue Kyle abandoned Stan here?? Once again, I don’t think that Kyle is responsible for constantly tending to Stan and making sure he’s included, especially when Kyle has seen in the last couple of weeks that Stan has no interest in being involved (nor has he ever really liked being around Kyle and Cartman’s spats). Either way, I don’t think Kyle does anything that horrible here- At most you can argue maybe he could’ve been a bit more attentive?? Idk. 

In the next scene, the boys are returned to class for skipping by Officer Barbrady, and the class starts talking about aspergers leading to Stan blowing up and telling everyone to shut up. He’s sent to Mr. Mackey’s office which leads to him falsely being diagnosed with aspergers instead of anyone recognizing his depression. 

Later on, Wendy approaches Kyle in the hall. She asks Kyle about Stan, and he tells her that he’s tried to call Stan and hang out with him, but Stan has only gone even more downhill since his diagnosis. This implies that an even longer period of time has passed between the beginning of Ass Burgers and now, so this is probably even MORE time that Kyle still hasn’t just dropped Stan like the fandom likes to imply. Either way, it feels like a month or so has passed AT LEAST since Stan’s depression first started and now. Kyle is harsh with his next words, though I feel really bad for him here? He clearly cares a lot and feels horrible for Stan, but also frustrated and tired and hurting himself. Calling Stan a black hole was definitely not a good thing to do, but once again he’s 10 and yada yada doesn’t know better. He says he can’t keep doing this, that the negativity is hurting him and even making him become depressed himself. And finally, Kyle says he needs to let Stan go. So this is the scene, if any, that Kyle truly “drops” Stan, though even then I hesitate to so quickly call it that because of future actions he takes. 

But yeah, so. This is it? This is why Kyle is such a horrible cold friend who doesn’t actually care about Stan?? Really?? Because he prioritized his own mental wellbeing?? It’s so fucking exhausting hearing this take, seeing people perpetuate the idea that Kyle has to let himself be hurt or else he’s a bad person. That he is somehow at fault for Stan’s worsening mental health. It’s a legitimately harmful idea, and once again while I don’t think most of the people spreading this take about Kyle actually believe these ideas, I really worry someone make take it to heart and think that they have to put their own wellbeing aside for the sake of someone else just because they’re struggling because they don’t want to be like Kyle in this episode. The episode itself isn’t even blaming Kyle in all of this. It’s just the fandom completely misunderstanding a lot of things because of the point of view being mostly from Stan’s and disregarding a lot of information the episode gives relating to Kyle in favor of having their helpless depressed baby who everyone hurts because no one loves him and that’s relatable, I guess? I don’t know. I can’t get into the minds of people who spread this idea but more often than not it just feels like they want to have Stan as their ‘does no wrong stand in’ to cope with their own problems and poor mental health, and while I think coping through characters is fine and entirely valid (I do as well), it’s really uncomfortable and frustrating seeing it come at the expense of other characters and spreading faulty ideas like this.

Kyle decides that he’s going to try and embrace everything moving forward with positivity because he doesn’t want to fall into the same depressive slump Stan is stuck in, and that leads to him furthering his friendship with Cartman with the Cartman Burger stuff. 

In the next scene, Stan is forcibly made drunk for plot reasons. It makes him feel happy and okay again, and he ends up running back into Kyle. The following scene is why I don’t think Kyle ever truly drops Stan despite saying he’s going to. He doesn’t tell Stan he doesn’t want to see him anymore, the most he really does is tell Stan that things can’t just go back to normal, and he has other priorities now- Cartman Burger, which I guess could also be taken as being his friendship with Cartman himself if you’d like. He holds Stan, tries to give him advice about trying to take a “left turn”, and is genuinely glad to see Stan seemingly doing better even if he’s critical about him being drunk. Stan falls back into his old habits of insulting everything, and Kyle immediately recognizes this as Stan not “changing” which I agree is unfair of Kyle, but again, he’s a child and doesn’t understand depression or what Stan is going through (Especially with how Kyle has learned to deal with his own mental anguish which I expand on in the essay I linked earlier). Cartman urges Kyle to come back to work and Kyle starts to. Stan tells Kyle he loves him, and Kyle immediately comes back until Stan insults him and Kyle once again walks away. I don’t think Kyle has (at least not fully) dropped Stan here??? He’s setting??? Boundaries?? And not tolerating Stan insulting him, drunk and depressed or not?? Kyle seems accepting of the fact that their friendship is seemingly coming to a close but he’s still letting Stan be in his life and seems open to letting things improve. He just doesn’t want to have to be the one to fix it because he doesn’t know how and his own mental health was previously declining.

Stan is continuously forced to drink by the people supposedly giving him therapy, and ends up captured by a bunch of food restaurant mascots- dumb plot stuff. When sobered up, he’s interrogated by them. They don’t believe him about his failing friendship with Kyle, and basically put him down for walking away from his friendship with Kyle just because he was “feeling down” which obviously is unfair to Stan and not what happened. 

Stan is forced to go back to Cartman Burger with a gun aimed at him to find out why the food tastes good. Kyle doesn’t know and clearly doesn’t realize Stan is being genuine when he claims he’s in danger in large part because he was previously claiming crazy shit when he was drunk. Kyle says the he’s sorry about what Stan is going through but the negativity is “poison” to him, which is pretty cold but ten year old who doesn’t understand- Plus at this point, Kyle seems frustrated Stan won’t respect his boundaries which isn’t justification but is at least why Kyle is probably being so blunt at this point in the first place. Stan apologizes but says he can’t help being depressed. Kyle points out that Stan verbally insulted him before, Stan claims to not realize what he was saying. Considering he’s a ten year old who was forced to drink, I think that’s fair but Kyle’s perspective is as well. Kyle relents and says he doesn’t know the information Stan needs, Cartman does. 

Plot stuff happens and Stan becomes fed up with all of this stupid stuff, finally seeming to realizes that the people from his therapy are only hurting him and that accepts that things have changed and that it’s okay for life to move on even if he didn’t initially want it to. I don’t think I need to reiterate all of this but yeah, it’s just really sad how the episode ends with Stan finally okay with the changes in his life and ready to start new only for it all to go back to normal entirely, and then at the very end we see that he’s gone to drinking to cope with his depression. It sucks. I hate these episodes, not because I think they’re poorly written but they just generally make me extremely upset for Stan. But that’s basically everything with them revolving around Stan and Kyle. 

As for Cartman and Kyle, I find it kind of frustrating that people view Kyle’s hanging out with Cartman so shallowly? Like, I don’t know. I’ve seen better worded meta on this in the past that I can’t find now relating to Cartman always immediately jumping in as their friend the moment Kyle or Stan aren’t together, and it’s very true. He suddenly isn’t insulting either of them (particularly Kyle) as much anymore. Now he acts like their friend and tries to get close with them, and this is pretty much because he can never compete as the best friend for Stan or Kyle when put against their counterpart, not when they’re getting along. He’ll always be second in getting the attention he craves from them. So instead, he’s mean and annoying and though the attention isn’t positive, it’s still attention and he’s getting a lot of it, especially from Kyle who’s so quick to fight against him if Cartman tries to anger him. There’s plenty of scenes and episodes where he immediately fills the space left by either Stan or Kyle being missing from the duo, and it feels very intentional on Cartman’s part. Even in Ass Burgers itself, Cartman takes deliberate steps to separate Stan and Kyle when they’re talking, watching closely when Stan comes to Kyle drunk and swooping in to get between them when it's convenient to break them apart again. He wants to be the center of attention with both of them, especially Kyle. He wants them paying attention to HIM, not each other, and if he can get in there when they’re not happy with each other to come off like the good guy, he’s going to do it. He’s just manipulative like that, and Kyle, oh so ready to see the good in people, even those as bad as Cartman, is ready to forgive and forget if he sees an improvement and to believe Cartman truly is becoming a better person. Kyle is easy to manipulate like that- Or at least he used to be, I think he’s learned to be more distrustful since then but at least at the point in time these episodes came out, Kyle was always very quick to believe in the good in people and believe they were genuine when they showed improvement. We see this even in later episodes like Ginger Cow when Kyle for a moment seemed very ready to believe Cartman when he came to apologize for lying. I don’t think it was as simple as “Kyle picked Cartman over Stan” like some people like to imply. 

Anyway, sorry if any of this is rambly or messily written. It’s hard to go over the entirety of an episode completely through text, and I’m sure some parts are a bit slow, but I hope it’s generally understandable and easy to read.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW - abuse, emotional abuse, CSA, COCSA vent + looking for advice & validation. please excuse me if i missed a tag. i'm sorry that this turned out to be too long, i wanted to get this out. for context, in early 2021, i had to live with my aunt and her family when my parents divorced. her eldest son had his own mental health issues and had a hard time controlling his anger. when he tried to touch me against my consent and i stopped him, he lost his temper and started hitting me. this continued for a good 6 months or so. his parents and others always asked me to move on and forgive him since he was "still going through therapy" and kept enabling him. he also tried to rape me when i was half asleep, but i pushed him off. he beat me pretty bad for a good 1.3h then. i have pictures of the bruises and the black eyes. he'd always apologize and try to make up after but never stopped. his younger sister was the only one to somewhat look out for me and often tried to keep him away from me. his parents still try to brush this off even today. my dad was working as a single parent so wasn't able to visit often. i am very lucky to be in a school that doesn't ask us to turn on cameras. we weren't allowed to move out of the house bc of how bad covid struck my place so i was isolated more than half the time. a few friends noticed me sounding weak on a call once and that was the only time i actually was able to get help. when i had the courage to speak up, i was accused of trying to "break the family apart" and everyone around me was completely against bringing this to the police. even my dad didn't want to get into it although he genuinely cares about me but he had a lot on his plate then. he & his parents did apologize to me and we had a deal to stay away from each other and i went to live w/ my granny and dad. i wasn't able to afford therapy and still can't. my mind dipped into very dark places last year and i relied a lot on online resources. he's 18 now, i'm going to turn 18. but he's now become the pride of our family. he passed a very difficult exam and is on the way on getting into a famous college. i think he took a gap year earlier and apparently went through intensive therapy, but i'm not sure of the details. he visited earlier this week because my granny wanted to meet him. it was too much for me. although he tried his best to stay away from me, even when he so as simply asked me about how my academics were going i panicked and left. i threw up later. i feel horrible because throughout this entire ordeal i've had little to no support and i've relied on myself and friends. even now everyone's attention is on him. everybody is ignoring everything he's done in the past, even if he improved. i'm happy he's had the help he needed but i can't feel so angry. i ended up cursing him out as he left. he looked pretty sad on leaving and my grandma was upset about it altho she didn't complain. i think my feelings are getting out of control since i've been getting really sick even thinking of it these days. any advice on how i should deal with such intense emotions of hate and try to feel better? i want to let go of this and move on.

Hey there,

I'm so sorry you've gone through all of this. Please know that you deserve so much better.

It can hurt a lot when you have the courage to speak up, but then are invalidated and gaslighted. You are not responsible for keep the family together. A good, strong family does not tolerate abuse. You deserved to be supported and cared for, not brushed aside. It's okay to feel how you feel about that. You deserved so much better.

It sounds like your family just wants to sweep this under the rug. Their reaction does not mean that the abuse you endured doesn't matter. What he did to you matters and is not okay, no matter how your family reacts.

Honestly, his accomplishments don't take away his horrible, abusive behaviour. You're under no obligation to congratulate him or share in celebration with your family. His abuse of you doesn't go away just because he's doing well in school and the family is proud of him.

I'm sorry so many people are making you feel invalidated and unsupported. It's okay to be angry, frustrated, hurt, and anything else. It's okay to be disappointed in your family and angry that your family is ignoring his abusive past. It can feel like they don't care about you. But you are worthy of care, support, and understanding.

Some things that have helped me process my feelings and lessen the intensity of my emotions, especially anger, are: - Journaling. Vent, write about your day, follow prompts, and write without judgement of your feelings and thoughts. - Sensory toys, particularly squishies - Punching pillows, screaming/yelling, kicking pillows, tearing boxes apart - Calm the system down. Here are some grounding techniques. Here and here are some meditations. Here and here are breathing exercises. - Talking about it. Ideally this would be a therapist, and I encourage you to seek out a cheap or free therapist/counselor. There are sometimes programs for youth that provide this. - Let yourself think about these things, but also give yourself a break and engage in some self care.

Here is a post about the validity of anger in healing.

Expressing anger in a healthy way.

A radical acceptance worksheet for emotions.

Take care. You deserve support.

- Misa

[katsidhe]

15.20 Final Thoughts

Supernatural is over, and somehow, despite itself, it did the very best it could to please me. That was always going to be an impossible task. But truly, sincerely, that finale was as close to my desires as the show could ever bring itself to come, and so, so much closer than I ever dreamed it would dare.

I am so, so glad that no other regular characters were involved (Bobby aside, but he was brief). How better to encapsulate their own emptiness? How fundamentally fitting, than in the epilogue to their final battle, wherein the entire world beyond them was erased, the wider universe is merely set dressing for them to move through. And it was so quiet this way. This finale wasn’t overcrowded or rushed. It kept its own peace. And it preserved the tangible claustrophobia that 15.19 invoked: that tangled, lovely, solipsistic, toxic conviction that these are the only two people on earth that matter.

It’s unclear exactly how much time passed between 15.19 and 15.20. I like to think it’s been at least a year, given that they’ve settled into routine and that their grief seems less fresh. (Although yes, the concept of Dean dying on his very first hunt without a resurrection available is hilarious, I must confess.) Their calm domesticity, their peace, was lovely to watch (Sam kicking the laundry machine! Sam with wet hair! Sam running! Sam cooking, Sam looking a little less bulky than usual, and happy!) But man, it really is Dean’s world, isn’t it? Even the DOG, which really, really, really could reasonably have been primarily Sam’s, was Dean’s dog first and foremost. Then on Dean’s say-so, they get in Dean’s car to drive to a pie festival for Dean. Sam is perfectly content to go along with all of it.

As if we hadn’t gotten enough delightful fanservice, we also got one last scene of Sam threatening to torture someone to death. :) what a king.

I love that Dean died to an OSHA violation while fighting a random loose end from season 1 (which, by the way, I CALLED IT, I am so proud of myself). It’s perfectly mundane. I truly and deeply do not understand anyone complaining that Dean should have gone out in a way that’s more epic. He’s been there, done that, guys, and remember how miserable it was? Now there’s no cosmic safety net. Dean died in a broken down old barn, saving some kids. Moments like these are when Dean is at his best, at his most fundamentally sympathetic: when he’s not trying to control the shape of the universe or dictate righteousness or let his anger drive himself down into a destructive spiral. He’s just putting his money where his mouth is. He’s not making a broad moral statement. He’s simply putting his life on the line to defend someone who needs defending. It is not an unworthy end. It’s so much better than going out to, god forbid, God.

Did Dean earn a lifetime of peace? The concept of just desserts is fraught. But I also don’t think it’s something Dean wanted. He wanted to keep killing things in tetanus-infested barns until he died. He got what he wanted. And while the arc of his wants has adapted over the years, MOTW hunting is fulfilling for him.

Dean’s deathbed speech was, oh man. It got me good. Like many of the things I loved in this episode, it was quiet. No desperation, no revising history (or not too much, anyway). Just, “stay with me, please. I love you. Tell me it’s okay.”

The quiet of Sam’s grief, alone in the bunker. How still his face is, until for a little bit it crumples again, and then it comes back and goes still. He’s not trying to control his reactions or press back against his sorrow. There is no work to do, nothing to avenge, no one to find, nothing to defeat. He is alone, and the washes of visible grief simply come and go in waves that he doesn’t try to fight or force.

I need the gif of him flinching at the toaster. His startle reactions are my favorite thing. He’s alone underground, there is not a living soul for miles and miles, he’s just buried his brother, not for the first time, but this time, he knows, for the last. And the goddamn toaster goes off and he cannot control the way his heart leaps up into his throat and the way every one of his muscles tightens.

Sam grows old. Sam. Grows old. Sam grows old! SAM GROWS OLD.

Ohhh my God, Sam grows old. Without Dean! Without hunting! Without Cas! With people outside that claustrophobic world, beyond the four tight walls of SPN, beyond the people approved by Dean and by Fandom, who give him peace and love and fulfillment! SAM GOT OUT. Even with the truly terrible wig the image brings me to actual tears. I cannot believe SPN would allow him to have this. I cannot believe that the show let him be happy without Dean. I want to read the set of novelizations about Sam’s recovery.

Of course this was the only way for Sam to get unwound, and of course it had to happen offscreen in flashes. Thank god for the ambiguity. There’s so much potential there, years and years, we were simply told: and at some point Sam’s life gets better, at some point his mental health improves and he feels safe enough to start a family, with someone, and at some point he has a child, and he dies peacefully, he dies loved and with people who love him, and dammit I’m getting weepy again.

Sam quit hunting. Not in a sudden jolt. We see him leaving the bunker on another job. But when he leaves the bunker, he leaves for good. He has so much knowledge, but he does not preserve the Men of Letters. He does not honor their legacy of extermination and experimentation. Maybe he gives someone else the keys, for the books. Or maybe he’s digitized it all, and maybe it’s done.

Maybe his wife is Eileen, or maybe it’s Amelia, or maybe it’s Piper or Cara or maybe it’s someone new. Maybe it’s not even a woman. And maybe she’s a hunter, but I hope she isn’t, and when Sam tells her, haltingly, in fits and starts, the bare outline of the truth, she looks at him and she believes him. And she understands the shape of the trauma he carries, even if Sam can’t quite speak the details, and maybe Sam goes to therapy. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he wakes in pain and fear for many years, but over time, it dulls.

Sam’s son is still a young man when Sam is on his deathbed, probably in at least his eighties. Think about the mountain Sam had to climb to reach that point. How many years and years of work did it take before Sam felt safe enough to want a child? How long for him to gently conquer his terror at the legacy his blood might carry: Lucifer and Azazel are dead, he knows this, but how long before he lets himself believe it enough to permit the risk? And then he raises his child, not in fear and loneliness, but with love and support and care. And he makes sure his son is protected, that he knows to salt his thresholds and ward against demons, but his son will not suffer the way he suffered.

Maybe he untangles his thoughts about Dean, maybe he learns that to feel angry with his brother is not to betray him or to dishonor his memory, maybe he comes to a more complex understanding of their relationship. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he simply enshrines Dean, and Dean’s memory becomes ever more golden and untarnished, and the Impala becomes truly an altar. The details of how Sam carries Dean with him—the watch, the car, the absurdly large photos, his son’s name—perhaps these are played straight, and perhaps Sam never finds a more nuanced love. In the meta sense I think we are certainly meant to think this. We are meant to see Dean deified here, canonized into a saint. We are meant to view Sam’s fifty more years of life as worship, as a dedication and an offering.

This is the long shadow of the finale. These are the things untouched by necessity and by design: this is Dean’s apology in 15.18, this is Sam not wanting an apology, and not wanting to hear Dean offer one. This difficult work was always and inevitably going to be elided. But there is so much time, decades and decades, offscreen, for Sam to come to a quieter peace.

I think he can do it.

I think Sam can do anything.

I’m crying again.

I really didn’t think I would cry much about the finale. I thought I would cry at the concept of the show ending, but not at what the ending was. I didn’t think any details would actually affect me. But then Sam got old. I am truly and genuinely hung up on the canonical image of Sam finding peace. Good god. He had GLASSES. Help.

My chief complaint (aside from that absolutely awful Carry On cover, why oh why, they should have just played the original again), if I felt at all like complaining at the moment, would be how happy this ending is. But I can’t begrudge Sam that. I can’t even get too mad at the scene that I was SO SURE I would despise: that of Sam and Dean content in a Heaven that is now apparently Great, Actually (even though a prison dimension with an open floor plan is still a prison dimension, but hey, I guess we humans can’t leave earth either). Supernatural clearly wanted Sam and Dean to not be facing down an abyssally bleak afterlife, and I think I’d be complaining about the lack of bleakness a whole lot more if it didn’t have the (perhaps unintended??) side effect of giving Sam even more freedom from Dean than SPN already deigned to give him. Sam isn’t in a shared cell with Dean. He can be with his friends and his wife and his son.

One of the fundamental questions of SPN is, would Dean ever let Sam go? And it’s a question that the bulk of s13-15 has rendered moot with Sam’s growing passivity, and one that 15.20 neatly dodged. And I’m glad it did, because I wouldn’t have liked whatever 15.20 had to say on the matter. This deflection feels true to the spirit of what the show has become.

It was impossible for Sam to find peace while Dean was still alive. And on its own that kind of says everything, doesn’t it? And Sam is still forever denied the peace he truly longed for. Sam didn’t want death to force Dean’s hand. Sam wanted Dean to want to let him go. But the only way Sam and Dean could heal is apart. The potential of their relationship on earth becoming untangled is forever precluded, explictly. And yet Sam’s freedom is validated, Sam is allowed what he sought in season 1 and season 8, Sam is something beyond a hunter and Dean’s brother, and the show let him be, the show let him grow.

Supernatural said Sam Rights, and the world shook.

[rainy-day-gracie]

Old Friends 8

So I’ve decided to make the last two chapters of this series like a two part finale almost. 9 and 10 will be the last chapters of Old Friends :(

But I do have more in the works, so don’t cry! Just enjoy this fluffy chapter with Spencer and the team. :))

Spencer Reid x Reader

Chapter 8:

JJ grabbed me by the arm as soon as I walked into the bullpen. 

“Explain to me why Henry is telling me that, I quote, ‘Uncle Spencer is in love with the smart lady.’?”

I just stared at her with wide eyes. “Um, I don’t know, maybe you should ask Spencer.” I tried to get away without grinning, but she kept her grip on my arm, a sly smirk on her face. 

“When you guys babysat Henry he definitely picked up on your flirty little banter, and now he’s constantly talking about how Spencer is so in love with you.” JJ let go of my arm and gave me a knowing glance. 

I was trying to keep from laughing hysterically. “How old is Henry?”

“He’s three.” 

Calming myself down, I walked past her to my desk. “JJ, I’m just going to be honest…” I looked her in the eye, faking seriousness. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

She gave a groan of frustration as Prentiss and Garcia walked past. “What are we talking about?” Prentiss saddled up next to me. “Are we talking about how you and Reid are totally hooking up?”

Garcia gasped. “Yesterday I heard them talking about their favorite French movies… the language of love!”

I raised my hands in the air in mock surrender. “Oh, you caught me! We were talking to each other, whoa!”

All three of the women rolled their eyes, and I could tell they weren’t leaving until they actually got something juicy. 

I sighed. “Okay, I’ve spent the night at his place a few times. Nothing happened,” I added quickly after seeing their scandalized faces. “We just eat ice cream and I crash on his couch. After what happened a few months ago, sometimes it’s hard to be alone.”

They all looked suspicious, but eventually they dropped it. 

I didn’t tell them the total truth, but they didn’t need to know details. 

Yes, we’ve kissed a few times, so what?

After a few minutes of working at my desk, a fresh coffee appeared next to me, and Spencer quickly was walking away. I giggled softly, watching him wink at me from across the bullpen. 

I heard Morgan snort as he was walking up behind my desk. “What, Morgan?” 

“Something fishy is going on with you and pretty boy over there,” Morgan pointed over to where Spencer was sorting through different files. 

“Something fishy? We’re old friends, you know that.” 

Morgan smirked, clearly unconvinced. “Old friends, my ass.”

We all came to attention when we saw Garcia power walking across the catwalk in her heels. “Minions of the BAU, you have a case!”

__

The stunt that I pulled, ignoring Hotch, happened almost a month ago and he was still pissed. I could read it on his face, and it was almost comical to see this normally stone cold leader so heated. 

“I think Dad is still mad at me,” I whispered to Prentiss, and she laughed out loud, drawing the attention of everyone in the briefing room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Spencer with his little sweet puppy smile, the smile he wore when he was happy. 

“Ladies and gents, you are going to San Francisco where there have been three very strange murders, I direct your attention to the photos,” Garcia pointed to the screen. 

She wasn’t lying, the murders were extremely strange. One crime scene appeared to be in a tunnel with a male and female victim. The other crime scene was a medieval execution, a woman hanged using a classic noose. Suicide was ruled out given that her hands and feet were bound and her apartment showed signs of a struggle. All of the victims were in fancy medieval clothing, corsets and all.  

“The only thing connecting all of these kills is the elaborate costumes. Clearly our unsub has a flair for the dramatic. He wants these bodies to be found.” Spencer looked over at me as I cleared my throat. 

“There’s something familiar about these murders, I just can’t put my finger on it.” Looking at the photos, something was ringing in my head but I couldn’t figure out what it was. “Probably the work of a single unsub, the medieval wardrobes practically screams individuality.”

“What I’m worried about is the rate of kills. Two victims in three days is almost a nonexistent cooling off period.” Hotch stood up and scanned the room. “Wheels up in 20. Reid, come see me for a moment.”

Spencer shot me a glance and followed Hotch into his office. 

“That can’t be good.” I muttered to JJ, and she nodded inn agreement.  

__

“So he stabbed the female victim at the first crime scene, and poisoned the male. Those are two completely different MOs.” Everyone was still puzzled at the crime scenes on the plane. Morgan had almost an angry look on his face. “And he hangs the single female? It doesn’t make sense.”

I shook my head. “I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve seen this before.’

Prentiss raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think any of us have seen anything like this before.”

Spencer was sitting in the window seat next to me, surprisingly not saying anything. At the back of my mind I wanted to ask him about what Hotch called him in for. 

“I never thought I would get to kiss you again,” Spencer whispered gently. His arm around my shoulders on his couch felt so much like home I forgot that we were also coworkers. 

“Well, you did, so it’s okay,” I smiled up at him and turned back to the TV. In these few short weeks of being a couple again of sorts, my mental health has improved more than in the last six months. Someone would touch me and I wouldn’t flinch anymore, and the nightmares of that damn basement lessened. 

Everything was so easy with Spencer. There was still the same connection of kindred spirits we’ve had since college, and we would talk about the most random, nerdy subjects.

Damn, he made me happy. So, so happy. 

“Everything good?” I murmured to Spencer on the plane. 

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Spencer gave me a reassuring side smile as Hotch began giving assignments. 

“Prentiss, Morgan go to the latest dump site. Look through it in the killer’s eyes. YLN, Reid, go to the station and interview families. Rossi and I will go to the ME. JJ, take care of the press.”

I suddenly got it. Hotch was putting Spencer in to babysit me. That’s what they were talking about. I gave Spencer a look, and he glanced away awkwardly. 

__

“So the first two victims were Rosie Greenlin and Tom Janney, they were both in their early twenties, dating, college students.” I shook my head as I walked up to Spencer. “Parents don’t know anything except that Rosie and Tom were in love, clear as day.”

Spencer sighed as he scanned the crime scene photos. “Betty Wright came from a wealthy family, and her parents say she’s always been very outspoken but kind.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Rosie and Tom both came from wealthy families as well. Could he be targeting the rich?” 

Spencer shrugged, out of ideas for now.

“Hey, did Hotch pull you aside so he could tell you to babysit me?” One look on Spencer’s face told me yes. “He’s afraid I’ll go rogue again.”

Spencer looked guilty and spoke slowly. “He’s just making sure that you don’t…”

I raised my eyebrows when Spencer trailed off. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’m not mad, I just wanted to know, that’s all.”

A police officer came into the room as I finished speaking. “There’s another one. Dylan Walker, stabbed then submerged in liquid. But here’s the weird part, he was submerged in a barrel of wine.”

Spencer pulled out his phone. “We need to get everyone here. We’re not going to catch this guy by splitting up.”

__

After everyone got back to the station, we ordered food and threw out ideas. 

“It’s probably this guy’s first time killing, could the varied MO just mean he’s seeing what he likes?” Morgan had the same puzzled expression from earlier, as did most of the team. “Betty Wright was found hanging from a tree on an isolated hill and the coroner said she’d only been there about an hour.”

Spencer shifted in his seat and moved his hands. “The dump sites seem to be crucial to his fantasy, but we just don’t know why.”

I hadn’t said anything since the team got back. “Oh my god,” I whispered, looking at the crime scene photos. “A malmsey butt… a public execution… two deaths in a tunnel…”

The team just stared at me. “What is it, YFN?” Spencer asked. 

I tapped him on the arm, completely astounded that I figured it out. “Remember when we went to see King Lear in college?”

Spencer’s eyes widened. “Cordelia was executed by hanging.”

I nodded at him, standing up and looking at the team. “She was executed because she valued love over property, so her father killed her. Betty Wright was known to be very outspoken. Clarence in Richard III was stabbed then submerged in a malmsey butt, or a barrel of wine. Romeo and Juliet both died in an underground tomb, Romeo poisoned himself and Juliet stabbed herself. Rosie and Tom died in a sewage drain underground in the exact same ways.”

“He’s recreating the written deaths of Shakespeare,” JJ concluded. 

“The medieval clothing ties all of it together, the costumes he puts his victims in were common among royalty in Shakespeare’s time.” I looked to Hotch, who wore a microscopic smile on his face. Good job, he seemed to say. 

__

The unsub was Devin McCoy, a former Shakespeare director who lost his job two weeks ago for assaulting one of his actors. Hotch insisted that I stay at the station while they made the arrest, and I grudgingly obliged. Devin came with little resistance, saying that he was creating the art that his actors couldn’t. The whole thing looked like a bad movie when they dragged him into the station. 

Hotch pulled me aside as we were packing up. 

“YLN, I have to say that you did a fantastic job in this case. You saw something in the murders that no one else did, and we would’ve been here a lot longer without you.” I fought the urge to happy cry. Hotch has never complimented me like that. 

“Thank you Hotch. Does that mean Spencer doesn’t have to babysit me anymore?” I asked hopefully. “I have the green light again?”

Hotch gave me a rare smile. “Yes, you have the green light again.”

__

The plane ride was quiet. We took off at midnight, and with the five hour flight, we were all dreading the next day at work. 

I was sitting next to Spencer, who was reading Romeo and Juliet. “How can you read that after the case we just had?”

He looked up and shrugged. “Last time I read this play was in Spanish, so I figured I would read the original English instead.”

I gave him big doe eyes and made a pitched tone. “Oh, Spencer! Spencer! Wherefore art thou Spencer?”

He chuckled and turned away from me. Across the plane, I saw JJ and Prentiss laughing to themselves, most likely at our dorkiness. I smiled and winked at them. 

“I know JJ and Prentiss are watching, otherwise I would kiss you.” Spencer whispered to me, still looking down at his book. 

“Who cares about JJ and Prentiss?” 

His eyes shot up to mine, trying to see if I was joking or not. I gave a devilish smirk, and he laced his hand in my hair. 

Spencer kissed me sweetly, and we pulled away when we heard the applause of everyone on the plane.

“Finally!” Rossi exclaimed. “I’ve been pretending to sleep for 45 minutes!”

@itsarayofsunshine @thesailbells  @squirrellover1967  @softpeteparker @parkeroffline

[darkshadow90]

Joker: Do you think Arthur has Schizoaffective Disorder?

Hey guys. I’m back with another meta post. I’m excited to share this one with you. Sometimes in my free time I like to read about mental health conditions. I find the study of the brain and human behavior fascinating, and if I had the money, I would love to go back to school and learn about psychology and mental health. But that doesn’t mean I can’t read about it, right? Before I go on, I want to clarify I’m not a qualified mental health professional. I can’t diagnose anyone, nor do I intend to give the impression that I’m qualified to do that. I just want to talk about one of the conditions I’ve read about, and why I think Arthur could have it. If i’m wrong about this, please correct me. This is just a fun post.

I was always interested to know what other mental illnesses Arthur could have aside from depression. He was on seven different medications and that seems like a lot to treat just one condition. Arthur also has delusions and periods of high energy, so he probably has more than one condition. Some people suspect he could have depression bipolar disorder, or Schizophrenia, and while he has symptoms of those conditions, I found a condition that he seems to meet most of the symptoms for: Schizoaffective Disorder. Schizoaffective Disorder is a condition that displays symptoms of Schizophrenia and a mood disorder like depression or bipolar disorder. People with this condition can have delusions, hallucinations, periods of depression, and manic or high energy. These symptoms can occur at the same time or different times. I want to talk about why I think Arthur could have this.

Arthur has, low energy, low self esteem, lack of eye contact, socially atypical behavior, and active suicidal ideations. He also seems to have a depressed mood, erotomania, and delusions. This is different from depression because of when these symptoms occur. He has a low speaking voice, self esteem issues, and suicidal thoughts, all symptoms of depression but it might not be typical depression. On one of the pill bottles, I could only make out part of the name of one of the medicines. I could see “elzine” it could be Phenelzine. Phenelzine is a medication used to treat treatment resistant depression. Depression from Schizoaffective disorder doesn’t respond to SSRIs. This could explain why Arthur needed something more affective than regular antidepressants.

Arthur could have some type of psychosis.  One of the symptoms that seems like Schizophrenia would be his imagined relationship with Sophie, but he doesn’t have all the symptoms of Schizophrenia, just the delusion. There are several types of delusions someone with Schizoaffective disorder can have. There are the jealousy type, persecutatory type, grandiose type, somatic type, and erotomanic type. I mentioned earlier that Arthur shows erotomania. The type of delusion he has about Sophie would be I think an erotomanic delusion. Arthur seems to think that Sophie is in love with him even though she isn’t. This explains why in his mind she finds him funny and supports everything he does, when in reality she would probably be creeped out if she knew he was following her and scared of him if she knew he killed the Wall Street guys. He also has ideas of reference which are the beliefs that coincidences have strong personal influence. In one of his therapy sessions, Arthur talks about the song he heard on the radio that mentioned the name Carnival. He believes that the song was talking about him and he takes it as a sign that someone notices him because his clown name was Carnival.

For a little while Arthur has a lack of depressive symptoms. He believes he has a supportive girlfriend, his stand up at Pogo’s seems to be going well, and he finally  gets to meet his long lost father. Arthur isn’t depressed at that timeframe. He’s able to be happy, and enjoy things. Unfortunately once he slips back into reality he feels very depressed again, but for that period of time he was happy. He had at least a week or two of relief from his depression, which is part of Schizoaffective Disorder.  Arthur also displays mania or high energy as he becomes the Joker. He doesn’t sleep much but he doesn’t appear tired. He feels a little better because his mood is improved from his energy or manic episode. 

I think it’s possible Arthur could have Schizoaffective Disorder since he seems to meet a lot of the criteria and displays symptoms of it. I’m not a psychologist so I can’t really say he has it or not. This was just a post I made based on my observations and what I’ve read, but what do you think?

[adhd-adept]

hi! i like your posts! they're real helpful

anyway a thing i need help with

i want to ask my dad for therapy because i think i might have adhd? and also some other shit

so basically

(this is going to be a long post)

back in summer 2020, i thought i might have adhd because i was reading some comics from adhd alien and the signs of adhd she shared seemed eerily familiar?

and i did some research and more signs came up and i thought i might have them?

and i found a therapist who specialises in adhd and other issues

but when i talked to my dad about it he was all "ADHD is only hyperactive idiots who are useless without meds" and he yelled at me for a while and I'm now basically scared of mentioning the topic up ever again

he brought me to some sessions, but i think once he said it was "so the therapist tells you you don't have adhd"?

anyway after the summer ended i couldn't get therapy again because school and busy

with the 2 week spring vacation coming up i was thinking of maybe asking him again? but I'm really scared and he probably won't take it seriously again...

signed,

an idiot

Hey! Thanks. I’m glad I can be helpful. I wanted to answer this right away, but it took me a little time because this question deserves a thoughtful response. This is going to be a long post.

[If anyone with more experience in situations like this has advice, I would welcome suggestions]

First things first! I don't think you're an idiot. This world can be hard to navigate even in the best of times, and I will never think you're foolish for needing a little help with anything that that entails!

Looking for a therapist is a great start! I’m glad that you are taking yourself seriously and taking steps to get help. That can take a lot of courage, and I’m proud of you for it!

Know that it may continue to take courage, and persistence - it can be really difficult to get an official ADHD diagnosis. I definitely have ADHD, and it actually took two tries when I got diagnosed around age 12, as the first doctor thought I had been perfectly attentive during the meeting and thus could not believe I was struggling with inattention elsewhere. My friend in her early twenties has been attending periodic doctor and therapist sessions for a couple months now, because the first doctor didn’t take her seriously, the second said she clearly had ADHD but sent her elsewhere for prescriptions, and the doctor they sent her to insisted she get a second opinion. She is finally starting to get accommodations, but it’s been an ongoing effort.

And you may simply not get along very well with your first therapist. You can always try reaching out to another. It can be a long process, and I hope saying that does not discourage you because there is a lot of good that comes at the end of that process; specifically, a better understanding of yourself and access to some resources that can help you seek accommodations for the things you struggle with.

It sounds like you’ve done your research on therapy, though. If you want any help with looking for a therapist, I am happy to help, (or at least try to). But it sounds like what you’re asking is how to approach the subject with your dad?

You’ll have to take some of my advice from here with a grain of salt; I’ve never been in the specific situation you’re in now, and of course I don’t know your dad as well as you do. But in my experience, rephrasing a request can do a lot to make it sound more reasonable.

I think the first step is understanding where he is coming from. Again, you have met the man and I haven’t, so this is more suggestion and guesswork than any kind of statement.

It sounds like your dad has a significant bias against neurodivergence. But I think it does matter WHY he feels that way. I can only imagine that it comes from a lifetime of hearing those things about ADHD from the people around him, and it will take time for him to reverse that prejudice. I feel sorry for him to have grown up in that hostile environment, and I am sorry that that hostility is being carried through to you.

But the result is that he thinks there’s something wrong with having ADHD. Of course, that isn’t true, but no parent wants to believe there’s something “wrong” with their child, and he will probably be resistant to the idea for as long as he believes that there is. 

More than that, I think parents don’t want to believe that, if there IS something wrong with their kid, it might have come from them. A child twisting their ankle in PE class or getting bitten by an ant is one thing - it hurts to see the child in pain, but it isn’t their fault. It’s much harder for a parent to see their child suffer because of a hereditary condition, because I think there can be a lot of guilt associated with that.

On top of that, if he’s been told that ADHD is a terrible thing, it might be disagreeable to him because if you have it then maybe he has it too. People don’t want to believe there’s anything wrong with themselves either.

I don’t know if that’s, on some level, why he reacted the way he did - and even if it’s true, I don’t think any of this justifies yelling at you for it. Nothing justifies that. And I want to be clear that it shouldn’t have to be your responsibility to figure out why he feels the way he feels - that should be on him, and it’s unfair to you to have to work through his issues on your way to getting the help you need. This isn’t necessarily the best or only approach. But trying to at least figure out why he feels the way he does might help you figure out how to approach the subject again. 

Maybe even ask him where he got his impression of ADHD, if it does not feel like doing so will start a new argument. (Maybe don’t mention the part where you’re asking because some stranger on the internet is trying to psychoanalyze him.) But I find, personally, that conversations go better when I can approach them with patience, and I have more patience when I make an effort to remember that the other person’s reactions have to come from somewhere, and if I can at least start out believing that they are misinformed rather than actively hostile.

I think a good start would be to try educating him about ADHD and see how that goes. Anything might sound scary because it is unfamiliar; or, worse, it might sound scary because it sounds vaguely familiar even if the only information you know is that you think someone said it’s scary. 

An aside, to give an example: There was a meme a while ago where water would be referred to as “dihydrogen monoxide” and framed as a dangerous thing with vague-but-technically-true statements such as “it’s a common byproduct of chemical reactions,” and “it’s found in our sewer systems”, or “it has the highest pH value of any acid” (you may recall that the strongest acids are those with a low pH value).

I think it’s easy to do the same with neurodiversity. If all you know about water is that it’s a chemical, it may sound scary. If all you know about ADHD is that it’s a mental disorder, it may sound scary.

Talking with him directly may be better than sending him articles - they tend to start with phrases like “mental health disorder” and “chronic condition”, or big (scary) jargon words that you might want to avoid if you want it to sound approachable (I mean, even the “Simple English” version of the Wikipedia article has the word “neurodevelopmental” in the first sentence).

I think it’s important for him to know that everyone’s ADHD experience is different - symptoms can be strong, or they can be very weak, but even people with very weak symptoms may benefit from seeking professional advice. You can be very “high functioning,” and still find certain tasks more difficult than most people do, and thus benefit from help even if you don’t “need” it to achieve your goals or lead a “normal” looking life.

You might tell him that a lot of ADHD treatment is about paying attention to your own behaviors and learning what works best for you - that even if you do not have ADHD, you may have some experiences in common with people who do, and that seeking a therapist who specializes in ADHD may help you find someone with the kind of attitude you are looking for; maybe you want someone who will be especially patient, and who will be prepared to take you seriously with the symptoms or traits you do have.

After all, most people can understand that you don’t have to have clinical depression to benefit from some of the behavioral things often recommended to people who do, such as getting regular exercise and more sunshine. You can do things that improve your mood even if you don’t have diagnosed clinical depression. 

Similarly, if you are seeking help with some things that people with ADHD struggle with - organization, time management, staying focused - a therapist who specializes in ADHD may be a good fit for you for that reason alone, even if you don’t have it.

And yeah, it sounds like he doesn’t want you to have ADHD, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying “even if I don’t have it, talking to a specialist can help me rule that out,” if that’s what helps him feel more comfortable with you getting an appointment. Again, it will take time for him to overcome the negative impression he has now, but at the very least, if he forms a positive impression of ADHD therapists he might not be so hostile about ADHD itself.

Maybe remind him that there can be a lot of overlap between ADHD and other experiences, but that it seems like a good place to start seeking help because it is a relatively common cause of some of the things you’ve experienced.

Know how much you would be willing to compromise before you have this conversation - would you be okay with getting a therapist even if they do not specialize in ADHD? Would you be unlikely to get an appointment if he made it conditional on something like maintaining good grades? Have a clear, tangible goal in mind; while you may leave room for uncertainty in your diagnosis until you speak with a professional, you should try not to leave room for uncertainty in what you are asking for. Know what you want - a session (or a number of sessions) with a therapist - and have your reasoning for that ready, maybe even written down. People tend to take you more seriously when you can demonstrate that you’ve thought something through.

If you say you think you have ADHD, I believe you. But regardless of that, you have recognized that there is something you need help with, and you are taking action in response. I hope that, at the very least, if your dad does not want to take the suggestion of ADHD seriously, he can at least take you seriously when you say that you need help. 

And you will get help. You are moving in the right direction. Don’t lose sight of that.

I hope I’ve answered your question! If this is hard to read I can maybe come back and re-write it as a set of bullet points, maybe suggestions of things to say, but I felt that in the case of more personalized advice it was important to address the context of my advice. If you needed more specific advice, feel free to clarify. And of course, if you have any other questions, I’m always around.

Best of luck!

[phoenixspirited]

🍑🍎🍍

Fruity Heacanons!

🍑  : how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance? do they spend a lot of time on their hair, makeup, grooming, and clothing? is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?  

Yusuke spends a decent amount of time on his pompadour alone. And probably globs too much grease into his hair to do it. He’s surely not using the nicest of products cause I can’t imagine he really invests in that. But perfecting the pompadour is definitely important to do every day. He’s gotta look cool and badass and live up to that whole delinquent label.

Sometimes Yusuke puts a bit of an effort into picking out his clothing, but other times, he throws the first few things he can find on, which sometimes gives him a cute, unique look but also can just get him... fashion disgraces. He keeps clean and stuff, though. Takes regular quick showers and all of that. 

🍎  :  how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy?  

Yusuke’s mental health, as of the end of canon is improving. Before that, it... wasn’t the best. Especially Pre-Series. He had kinda a rough home life with an deadbeat dad and an alcoholic mom. He had a lot of pent up anger, and took much of it out by fighting others, and picking up some bad habits. This in turn let lots of rotten rumors about him get out, teachers and other adults always looked down on him, and just... yeah, before the events of the series, Yusuke was pretty lonely, angry and depressed. And throughout the series, he was still struggling to get over that anger and allow himself to open up more with his emotions, as he is very emotionally constipated. And with that comes all this trauma he goes through and refuses to acknowledge. But, thankfully, after his time in demon world, and evaluating what is important to him, when he returns to human world he is in a more comfortable place with himself. Doesn’t mean he handles things in the healthiest of ways, but he’s slowly getting there.

He definitely hasn’t gone to see if he has any mental illnesses, so that’s up in the air for him, but I don’t think he has anything, at least not to a serious degree. Should he attend therapy? Honestly it might be a good idea considering all he’s gone through, but it’s not like he’d be able to talk about half of it, anyway. And no way in hell would he sit in and do that shit either way.

🍍 :  how comfortable is my muse in their body?  how do they feel about their height,  weight, strength, and body type?  how important is being attractive to them?  

Yusuke’s pretty comfortable with everything here! Sometimes, he thinks maybe it would be cool to appear taller and more built with big ass muscles, but it’s not something he’d actually change about himself. He’s happy with how he is, because hey, if you can’t tell how tough he is just from one look, that doesn’t stop him from kicking your ass, and laughing in your face if you underestimated him. Yusuke’s also fairly attractive and knows he is, but that’s not on his top list of priorities. He’s pleased with the fact, obviously, and wouldn’t want to look any different, and appearing in a desirable way is great. But eyeing attractive people himself aside, he’s not the type to go out there and use his attractiveness to flirt and win over girls or guys or anything. He’s got more important things to do than obsess about his own looks.

[insanely-creative-things]

Big Hero 7: The Series

www.fanfiction.net

Big Hero 7 S2

Memories and Life: Saved

*The sun has yet to rise in the morning when Cora finds herself unable to continue sleeping. Looking over her phone she finds its on a Saturday. She sighs before she tries to head back to sleep... She shakes her head before she ultimately decides to head downstairs and get some milk to drink. But when she made it to the kitchen she sees Kage, half dressed in his usual clothes mixed with clothes he wears to sleep. Kage turns around to see Cora and both are in an awkward standstill, the two trying to avoid eye contact, especially this early in the morning.*

Kage: Good morning Cora.

Cora: *Blinking before she gives a half hearted smile* Morning Kage…. Couldn't sleep either?

Kage: No... not particularly… this is the day I have to go spend time with you all...and Grandville at SFIT...

Cora: Oh?...*Remembers* Oh...

*Cora nearly forgot that today Kage will have a proper look at SFIT and spend time with the gang and Grandville to better their...relations... especially since the first time they tried to do that Momakase arrived...and subsequently turned into a cat... An upside tonight though would be the fact that tonight Hiro and herself are going on a double date with Honey Lemon and Gogo.*

Cora:...OoK… so I'm going to get myself a glass of milk...do you want one too?

Kage:...I guess so.

*The two sat awkwardly across from each other as Kage holds his glass while Cora takes small sips of her milk.*

Cora:... How have you been Kage?... These days must've been rather...uneventful here. Aside from one or two mishaps with us...especially with Fred taking you to find Mochi on the San Fransokyo Bridge.

Kage: Oh yes... I thought I was going to die when we flew over...And the monster version of Ned Ludd was certainly the second strangest thing I've ever witnessed in my life.

Cora: What was the first?

Kage:*Thinks back to watching the recording of Kaguya and Baymax fighting off three mermaids and a shark with the cave being surrounded by gold, money and the missing denizens of San Fransokyo.*…. Well, lets say I learned more about Aquatics with your grandmother then I thought possible.

Cora: OK then... You know what, I'm gonna make breakfast right now. Want pancakes?

Kage:...why not?..Would you like me to help?

Cora: I guess, could you bring me the eggs over?

Kage: Sure.

*Baymax activates and sees that his patient isn't in the room, so he rises up and waddles to the kitchen to find Kage when he sees the man and the girl start preparing breakfast together. From his scans it shows that Kage's mental health so far has been improving steadily, to which Baymax's belly lights up with a smile and thumbs up.*

*Eventually the rest of the family wakes up to see Kage and Cora just finishing placing the breakfast on the table.*

Cora: Morning Grandmama! Morning Papa!

*Cora heads over to hug her grandmother and father before going to sit down. Mizuchi turns to his brother and pats him on the ack.*

Mizuchi: Hey Kage… I guess you helped Cora with breakfast today?

Kage: Yeah... I did...

*Once they all sit down and eat their breakfast Cora's phone lets out a beep for a reminder that they are to meet at 8:30 in the morning. Something Kaguya sees from looking at Cora's side.*

Kaguya: Today must be somewhat exciting isn't it you two?

Cora: Oh yeah...definitely... if we don't get any monster news that is.. hopefully.

Kage: Ah yes, the monsters... I have to confess that I'm rather intrigued about all the monsters Liv Amara is creating...and somewhat disturbed..

Cora: Yeah... I had this feeling that Liv Amara isn't so innocent ever since the incident at the honor gala... then again I hadn't had any good opinions about her before the monster attack at the gala.

Kage: Really? What did she do that made you not trust Liv Amara? From what I've seen before with your friends and Gradnville, everyone is pratically wrapped around her finger.

Cora: Well, for one I never even heard of Liv Amara, and the ones who did were Gogo and Grandville. The second one, however, made me wary and didn't let me get chummy with her because of what she did to Hiro.

Kage: What did she do to Hiro?

Cora: You see, Liv Amara was coming over to SFIT to specifically see Hiro and I because of Baymax, and my counter-illumination fabric. Liv went to Hiro first, but when he said that Baymax was originally designed by Tadashi, she just snubbed him! Like, the moment she uttered those words Liv lost interest in him. But Karmi shows up and wins her over with her invention, the patch we found on Ludd none the less, and Liv chooses Karmi over Hiro. I was still noticed but what she did just made me feel uncomfortable and not like her very much.

Kaguya: So that's why those two girls looked uncomfortable as they did when I talked to them about your original plan to have a shared lunch with your friends. *Scoffs* How disrespectful.

Kage: Oh, so that was the case. This Liv Amara just snubs Hiro because Baymax wasn't his original creation, and chooses that brat over him? Honestly, I find this laughably ironic.

Cora: What is?

Kage: If Liv Amara is so impressed with this Karmi she would had chosen to see her instead of you two. Meaning that Karmi wasn't good enough to consider seeing in the first place. Though, fitting of that brat's character she just had to burst into your interview just to get her attention. Seriously how much of a entitled twit do you have to be to burst into someone's interview like that?

Cora:*Blinking* You certainly don't like her too huh?

Kage: I repeat. She is a brat. Plain and simple. Then again considering how this Liv character is and how she gets along with Karmi, its almost like they're kindred spirits.

*When he spoke that last word Cora's mind runs to a dark thought...its already enough that Karmi behaves so crudely to them both. And the one or two moments of basic decency she gave them were easily buried beneath all the other horrible vile she threw at them...But the possibility that she could follow Liv Amara's footsteps is...frightening... and considering how much she worships Liv it isn't an unlikely scenario that would happen. Kage notes that Cora is appearing uncomfortable at the thought and looks down at his plate in slight embarrassment. Kaguya comes into action to drive this awkward aura away.*

Kaguya: Cora, I heard you will have a double date with Honey Lemon and Gogo tonight correct?

Cora: Oh yeah! Honey Lemon came up with the idea!

Kaguya: Have you decided what kind of date it would be?

Cora:...We actually hadn't come to a definite choice, we're stuck between having a date at the movies or... I don't know the other half... Gonna have to check with Honey and Gogo, they probably have an idea, and maybe we can compromise something.

Kaguya: A smart choice granddaughter.

Cora: Thank you.

*Mizuchi looks at Kage and gives a fake cough, catching the younger man's attention to his brother. The older man directs his eyes to Cora and Kaguya. Kage sighs before he turns his attention to his niece and Kaguya.*

Kage: That does sound like an interesting plan. I'm sure you'll find time to discuss it when we arrive at SFIT.

Cora: Yup...*That's when she looks at her phone to show the time.* We'll time to get ready.

*She quickly finishes her breakfast before she gets up to wash her plate then get ready for the day. After doing their business and getting dressed up they leave for SFIT. The three: Baymax, Kage, and Cora; are now walking towards SFIT. Getting a beep from the phone, Cora picks it up and sees a text from her boyfriend Hiro.*

Cora: Hiro just sent me a text, we're meeting up at the Robotics lab.

Kage: *Slight, downhearted sarcasm* Oh joy...

Baymax 1: From your eye roll and downhearted tone in your voice, you do not feel joy.

Cora:*Mutters to self* Note to self, start teaching Baymax one about sarcasm as with our Baymax.

*Kage sighs before the three continue walking towards the school. As of while; Hiro and his Baymax, Honey Lemon, Wasabi, Honey Lemon and Gogo, Fred, and finally Grandville are inside the robotics lab and all have differing expressions and moods. Fred seems to be one who appears to be relaxed but inwardly is squirming as they are to meet the man who so far had recovered from his surgery and seems to be making strides for his health. Not to mention how Kage reacted when he flew across the San Fransokyo bridge when they went looking for Mochi. Gogo and Wasabi are the ones that are wary about Kage, clearly not ready to forget what he had done in the past as Obake. Despite his inward fear, Wasabi is not going to back down from him, or at least not show him he's afraid; this certainly impressed Gogo, as she does not intent to let Kage off the hook so easily, especially remembering how frightened Cora was during the period where they didn't know what he even looked like, how frightened her screams were and the nightmares both she and Hiro had about him. Honey Lemon tries to summon all of her positivity to consider a number of good scenarios that could play out with Kage during their meeting, even with the fact that her girlfriend would beat the crap out of him if he does something suspicious.. which is a fair response in hindsight but for now she just hopes they could make it through the day and enjoy their double date tonight.*

Grandville: I don't see them anywhere.

Hiro:*Turns to Baymax* Baymax, can you contact Baymax 1 and see if they are nearby?

Baymax: *Belly lighting up to show the other Baymax near where they are* They are soon to arrive here.

Hiro: *Sighs in relief* That's good.

*Out of all the team, the people most nervous about this meeting with Kage would be Grandville and Hiro, both for personal reasons. A lot of crazy things happened ever since they began being Big Hero 7 and Obake is part of the reason why. Hiro could still remember the fear in his girlfriends eyes when Esme revealed the true meaning of the flower, how Cora's screams echoed when Kage stole his energy amplifier. Then things got even more crazy with the appearance of this 'Riku' character and how he attempted to get Kage revert back to his cruel and malicious self... and when he rejected that idea and pieced himself together is what's gotten Hiro to feeling a mess of emotions. He still remembers him as one of their most effective and dangerous villains, but his attempts and strides to show that he is no longer the monster that haunted them is impressive. And it shows that at the very least, there is a man inside that does care about those around him and is carefully stepping over the glass of their judgement. For Grandville, this will be a proper reunion with her former star student, the boy she given encouragement and affection during his youth only for his actions to lead him to the state he was months ago. She had so many questions about his wellbeing and the last time they talked was brief since at the time, Momakase had escaped from prison.*

Baymax 1: Hello, I am Baymax.

*The group turn their heads to see the three finally here. Hiro's Baymax waddles to Kage's Baymax and says his greeting*

Baymax: Hello, I am also Baymax. How is Kage's neural scans lately?

Baymax 1: He is steadily growing a healthy mind thanks to the medication and support of his family.

Baymax: That is good news.

Cora:*to the gang* Hey guys, what up?

Hiro: Nice to see you again babe.

*Hiro goes over and wraps his arm around Cora which causes her to giggle slightly and smile. From the corner of Kage's eye, he could only sigh as he thought about Chara and their relationship in their youth...*

Grandville: Kage, how have you been doing so far?

*Kage looks up to see Grandville; even if she is keeping her composure her eyes show that behind the mask she wanted to explode into all questions about his well being and how he is coping. Kage had to admire that about Grandville, keeping a strong face now that she's the dean and aware of her studen't super hero activities.*

Kage: I've been doing well as of late, despite all the monster events happening.

Grandville: Of course... How have you been getting along with your family?

Kage: Well, Mizuchi has been doing well and does his best to help me. Kaguya is certainly quiet a character *Chuckles half heartedly* it took a while but I think we're OK.

Grandville:...and of Cora?

*He turns his attention to Hiro and Cora, who are now conversing with Baymax 1 about Kage's well-being with Cora confirming the nurse bot's findings and their Baymax giving a second opinion and agreeing.*

Kage: We're getting there. This morning Cora asked me to help make breakfast together.

Grandville: Is that so?

Kage: Yeah... and considering that before she would only ask me to pass the salt its something.

Grandville: That's good. Though you have yet to introduce yourself to the others as well Kage.

*Kage sighs in defeat, knowing this has to come. He turns to the gang, who are all looking at him. Kage gives a half hearted smile and wave sheepishly at them, knowing that this path is going to just as hard. The first one to come forward is Honey Lemon, who is joined by Gogo to keep an eye on him.*

Honey Lemon: Hi... Kage... How do you do?

Kage: I'm fine...Honey Lemon. I've heard that you and Gogo are now a couple. Congratulations.

Honey Lemon: Thank you Kage. We're actually going on a double date with Hiro and Cora tonight!

*Kage turns to Gogo who still holds suspicion in her eyes as she stares at Kage, wrapping her arm around Honey Lemon protectively.*

Kage: Gogo...

Gogo: Kage….

Kage:... How have your studies been going?

Gogo: Its been going well. Despite in the beginning being a bit of stressful time since we were dealing with certain villains on the large.

*Honey Lemon looks at Gogo with wary eyes as she looks back at Kage, to which in her relief, remains calm.*

Kage: Glad to know that. You all are more intelligent and resourceful than what I give credit for.

*Hearing this phrase, Gogo's eyes narrowed at him which makes Kage slightly uncomfortable. Honey Lemon steps in to ease the slowly dimming atmosphere.*

Honey Lemon: Hey, so um. Wasabi and Fred are over there! Wanna meet them?

*And so Honey Lemon carefully takes Kage's hand; the man slightly freezes which is not lost on Gogo and Honey Lemon. Once he shows he's comfortable with the hand holding Honey Lemon takes Kage to meet the other two. With that time, Gogo goes over to Hiro and Cora to talk to them.*

Gogo: He's not messing with you two right?

Cora: Not one strange thing.

Gogo: Especially not to you, Hiro?

Hiro: We barely talk together so... nothing bad happened...

Gogo: Hmmm...As if this isn't enough, we still have to worry about Liv Amara and what she's doing.

*As of while, 'Liv' is researching through the small clips of news about a figure in the bay swimming through the water. But because the photo is too blurry for even rendering to make a clear picture, all she is left with is a fuzzy brown blob. What is making this more difficult is that of the gold being converting to a cure is a very long and time consuming... in the process of finding the cure for Liv its taking time needed to save her. She sighs frustratingly before she decides to come visit Liv. Entering to her secret section she goes over to the suspended woman, her capsule intact and functioning. She sighs as she talks to Liv.*

'Liv': Hi Liv. Things are doing well over here. The cure is coming, its just... taking time... *Sighs* I wish I could talk to you again.

*But when she places a hand on Liv's capsule she noted that the capsule's functioning... is starting to fizzle and crackle. and that leads to alarms rising up where she sees the vital signs spazzing as it gets dangerously close to flat lining.*

'Liv': No no no no no!

*She looks frantically for anything to stop the capsule from malfunctioning which could potentially kill her before the disease could.*

'Liv': OK ok! Umm... I just need to-

*But 'Liv' could only stare helplessly at the capsule, unaware of the capsule's functions to properly stabilize. Finally she remembers a switch that would temporarily stabilize the capsule until proper repairs can be made. She finds the switch and soon enough, the capsule is restored to normal for the time being. She hated the fact that she has no idea on robotics and mechanics to properly repair the capsule, much less understand the basics of it. She sighs heavily before she realizes what she needed to do. She exits her lab and finds Chris, enjoying a cup of tea.*

'Liv': Chris, the capsule is malfunctioning and is placed in a temporary battery. Place a call Madame Nozako for a request for repairs.

*Chris chokes on his drink as he hears the last sentence leave 'Liv's' mouth.*

Chris: B-But we're kind of a little behind on payment, and Madame Nozako can act rather impatient when it comes to her rent...

'Liv': We don't have a choice. Contact Madame Nozako.

Chris: *Conceding defeat* Of course.

*Soon enough the two are in the office where the computer displays the Madame, though this time she is inbed. But despite seeing her weak from her own ailment, her eyes still displayed the danger that she could put the two in.*

'Liv': Madame Nozako, I hope I didn't disturb your rest, its just I need to discuss something... in regards to the equipment.. particulary the capsule where Liv is residing.

Nozako: What is it you pest?

*The Madame receives a cup of tea to drink as she waits for 'Liv' to talk.*

'Liv': Recently, it's experienced a malfunction which nearly shut down the vitals inside Liv. I managed to set it to a stable condition... but as you know-

Nozako: Your knowledge on mechanics and tech is pitifully low. So you want me to send my mechanics to repair the capsule?

'Liv': Yes Madame Nozako.

Nozako:… Even though you have yet to pay back for my services. And you expect me to give you more?

'Liv': I-I know I'm a little behind on payment, but I'm this close to curing Liv! I've recently acquired gold to incorporate into the medicine and-

Nozako: Gold?...When have you acquired this large sum of gold?

'Liv': … Since last week Madame Nozako.

Nozako: Then you have more than enough for your payment. Send the rest of the gold to me immediately, every last bar.

'Liv': B-but its currently being used to make Liv's cure!-

Nozako: Did you not say you require my mechanics to repair Liv's capsule? Especially since there appears to be a glitch endangering her life? Besides, how much gold had you incorporated into the medication?

'Liv':... about one bar.

Nozako: And you want me to wait for my payment? Now, be a good girl and gather every bar and prepare for the drop off at San Fransokyo bay tonight, there will be one of the my workers here that will direct you and your... *points to Chris* thing where the exchange will take place. Do not disappointment me like last time you wench!

*The communication is cut off as 'Liv' sighs heavily before she turns to Chris.*

'Liv': Chris... would you leave me in peace?

Chris: Are you going into your tantrums again?-

'Liv': Now.

*Chris leaves the room and closes the door behind. Not soon after he hears the frustrated screams as the sounds of papers flying and pounding of the desk, followed by the sound of a head banging into the desk. He shakes his head before he starts to place every gold bar to a strong steel crate.*

Chris: Maybe if I'm lucky, I get to see Lenny again. We hadn't caught up in a while. *Blushes and giggle like a school boy* He certainly has quiet the magic touch.

*Back at SFIT Kage is walking through the school while the gang manage to get a conversation with him, finding him quiet a character. From what they had seen of him as Obake, he was certainly a incredibly patient and tactfully brilliant man who could had hacked them any time he wanted too. Add the fact that Noodle Burger Boy was hacked by him despite being a KreiTech invention was something incredibly powerful. He's still has the same intelligence he had, but they saw that when he could, he could be quiet charming and polite. He spoke briefly about typical topics like the weather or how their grades are going. Other times when it comes to their majors they were impressed with how well versed he is. What impressed them even more is how not once has he ever asked them about their activities about Big Hero 7. Then again, he wanted to keep his relations low about Big Hero 7 ever since the prevention of the great catastrophe and where Riku attempted to make him Obake again.*

Fred: So Kage, will you ever fly on Baymax again if given the chance?

Kage: Recalling how I nearly fell to death months ago and the experience with the Hygagon...I doubt it.

Fred: Oh... OK then. Flying on Baymax is nowhere near the future, especially with the superhero stuff... So what about this? Have you ever read any classic super hero comics like Iron Man? I think you'll like that one.

*Behind them, Hiro and Cora are conversing with Honey Lemon and Gogo about their double date tonight.*

Hiro: What did you guys decide on where our double date should be?

Honey Lemon: We're still debating where to go. Gogo wants to go to concert that's happening up at Northern San Fransokyo.

Gogo: And Honey Lemon wants to go to the mall to hang out... possibly cause its the opening night of a new store that happens to sell cute characters.

Honey Lemon: What? Rikimaru is adorable! And don't forget that you watched a couple of episodes with me!

*Gogo huffs as she diverts her eyes away from Honey Lemon. Both Hiro and Cora don't know what to say. A concert is out of the question since Mizuchi's curfew for Cora is at max midnight. And the mall just seemed to be rather dull to be honest, though its also cause Cora has never been there and its a place that Mizuchi will not allow her to go. When they brought out the fact Honey Lemon and Gogo sigh as they are now back to square one. Kage looks up to see that the four are having a difficult time deciding about where to go on their dates. He chuckles as memories of how back in youth he would ponder and pull his hair out about where to take Chara on their dates, wanting to make them memorable and enjoyable for both. The four look up to see Kage chuckling to which the four are slightly off guard. Kage clears his throat and talks to them.*

Kage: My apologies... its just that you four talking about where to go on your double date reminded me how I was back at my youth. Where I pulled out my hair just trying to think of one place to take her to.

Honey Lemon: Really? With-*Instantly remembers who that person is* Oh.

*Cora steps in and talks to Kage.*

Cora: Hey Kage? Do you have any ideas to go for dates?

Kage: Well, there is this pizzeria that's downtown. Kind of old fashioned, but the entertainment is quiet amusing.

*Hiro and Cora look at each other as Honey Lemon and Gogo look at each other as well.*

Cora: That sounds fun. Thank you for suggesting it.

*The three blink at Cora's answer before looking back at Kage.*

Honey Lemon: That does sound interesting. Do you remember the name of the pizzeria Kage?

Kage: Memory of the name is a little foggy, but I believe its Pizza Press Station.

Honey Lemon and Cora: Ooh~

*Hiro and Gogo look at each before the conceded defeat, knowing how their girlfriends are at new things.*

Gogo: Guess we have a plan then.

Honey Lemon: Awesome! How about we meet at around 6:30 at the pizzeria?

Hiro: Sounds good.

Cora: Awesome!

Gogo: I guess, sounds like a plan.

*After a while, where Grandville fusses over Kage and they share simple stories together, they all head home to rest up. Hiro decides to join Cora with Kage and their Baymax along with his own to walk home. Along the way Hiro talks to Kage.*

Hiro: So Kage… thanks for the date suggestion.

Kage: You're welcome Hiro.

Hiro: So what brought up the pizzeria idea?

*Kage sighs as he gives a faint melancholic smile.*

Kage: That was where Chara and I went for our first date.

*Hiro and Cora look up at Kage when they heard that. For a moment they were afraid that this would lead to a scenario like what happened at the Lucky Cat Café when the two teens were at the dance with Megan. But to their surprise, Kage remains calm and his smile remains.*

Cora: Oh... so that was where you and Chara went?

Kage: Yes. I had fond memories there. I hope you two would enjoy your date there as much as I had back then.

Hiro: OK... thanks...

*Kage walks ahead as his Baymax walks with him in step. Hiro turns to his girlfriend as she looks at Kage with concerned eyes. But these weren't eyes of suspicion... it was one where a family member shows worry about their family. She looks at Hiro before she whispers into his ears. Hearing what she said, Hiro blinked at her.*

Hiro: Are you sure?

Cora: Its only fair for Kage.

Hiro: OK Cora, how about we talk about this a little later. I'll pick you up around 6 k?

Cora: OK, love you Hiro.

*She kisses him in the cheek as they near her house. Once there Hiro smiles at Cora before heading back home. Once there Cora gets on the phone with her father.*

Cora: Hey, Papa? Is it OK if I ask you something? Its about the Butsudan with Mama.

--------

*Later on that day at the café Hiro is, at the moment, brushing up his slightly tamed down hair before heading down. The café is little lively tonight as its currently hosting beat poetry night. He sneaks through where he catches Cass' attention to let her know he's going out now.*

Hiro: *Whisper shouts* Heading out Aunt Cass to get Cora and go for our double date!

Cass: *Whisper shouts back* OK Hiro! Have fun and be safe! I heard things are going to be a little wet later tonight!

Hiro: *Whisper shouts* K! Love you Aunt Cass!

Cass:*Whisper shouts* Love you too!

*Hiro gets on board to his moped where he drives towards Cora's house as the time nears to six. His Baymax stays behind to help Aunt Cass with her customers and to keep an eye on Mochi. When he arrives at the house he knocks on the door, checks over himself and straightening his shirt, before smiling up when he hears the door opens.*

Hiro: Hey sweetie! You ready to go?

*But when Hiro looks up he only sees Kage, who blinks at the pet name.*

Kage: …..Hello...Hiro

Hiro: Hi...where's Cora?

Kage: She's currently getting ready. You know, the usual last minute check up?

Hiro: Yeah...

Kage: ….Would you like to get inside while Cora gets ready?

*Soon enough the two are inside the house at the kitchen where Hiro looks around the room while Kage avoids eye contact. Finally Hiro breaks the ice.*

Hiro: Where's Mizuchi and Kaguya? And where's Baymax?...Your Baymax...

Kage: They're sleeping in at the moment, both of them had been rather busy today. And Baymax is with Cora right now, checking over her.

Hiro: OK then.

*The silence returns before Hiro continues speaking to Kage to pass the time.*

Hiro: So, this old pizzeria you mentioned... that was where you had your first date?

Kage: Of course.

Hiro: It seems a little odd that you would suggest a place, that means so much to you, to us since...

Kage: Hiro. I understand what I had done to you and Cora, but I can assure this is just something I thought you would enjoy going as I did. I cross my heart.

*Kage crosses his heart as a promise, which causes Hiro to blink since Kage did that gesture, but nods in agreement.*

Hiro: So what happened at your first date?

Kage:*Blinks at Hiro* You're asking me about my first date? Well, I'll tell you if you tell me how was your first date with Cora.

*Hiro looks at Kage with slight suspicion.*

Hiro: How do I know if you hadn't learned that already as Obake?

Kage: I would have pointed out slight details if I did back then.

*Hiro stills eyes Kage suspiciously until he gives in, sighing before telling him the story.*

Hiro: Our first date was actually the night after Cora and I became a couple. She suggested having dinner at her house so Aunt Cass, Tadashi, and I went over. Mizuchi though was still iffy about us so he kinda blocked the door until her grandmother knocked some sense into him, and by that she whacked him over the head with her cane to let us through.

*Kage covers his mouth as he tries to stifle his laughter. He could definitely see his brother reacting that way, and especially how Kaguya would respond to Mizuchi's overprotective nature. Hiro takes notice of this and...couldn't help but smile a little to hear Kage's laugh. This wasn't one of evil, nor was the smile of ambition... this was simply a man reacting to the antics of his family with a warm smile and laugh... like...his brother.. Hiro snaps out of it and soon continues his story., trying to wipe off the comparison between Kage and his brother Tadashi from his mind.*

Hiro: Cora had just finished making dinner for all of us, which I learned she can definitely cook, and we sat down. However half way through dinner the power went out. There was a storm happening that night...storms aren't something I'm fond of, for personal reasons... Cora took me to the living room while Aunt Cass and Tadashi helped Mizuchi and Grandma Kaguya get some flashlights and other stuff for a storm. The living room... is where I met her Mom.

*Kage's eyes look at Hiro as the teen says this, noting the glint of melancholy in the teen's eyes.*

Hiro: She told me that she never got to know her since died after being born. But she said that considering the stories her dad and grandma told her...Akemi...she said her mom would have loved to meet me. We told more about ourselves and made jokes...and before we knew it... we had our first kiss.

*Hiro's face shifts to a small but warm smile as he blushes at the memory.*

Hiro: I don't know how long we kissed but it felt like forever. We did end the kiss before the others got back thankfully. We had our dinner and dessert and...yeah. That was our first date. A storm isn't something you want on your date at all, but it ended well. Though when I had to tell Tadashi he teased me... *Chuckles* he can be such a nerd sometimes.

*Kage smiles warmly at Hiro's tale.*

Kage: That does sound like a sweet memory for you. Well... now that you've told me your story, I suppose I shall tell you mine. The pizzeria was Chara's idea, upon hearing I never ventured outside my home and tend to stay close to a path familiar to me. It was loud, bursting with energy and other teenagers hanging. There was a karaoke stand to sing along to whatever you like. I couldn't in my life have the courage to stand up and sing in front of strangers; but Chara got up and started singing. In comparison Cora's singing is a little better, but Chara's lively tone and energy made her voice just as lovely. You know, after she sang the song she said its to basically spell out what I've been doing before I ventured to San Fransokyo.

Hiro: What was she singing?

Kage: A Disney movie called Tangled, and the song being 'When will my life begin'.

*Hiro thought back on the Disney song and find that it actually fitted him, Mizuchi, and even Cora. Aside from the situation that was forced on them, they all had relatively sheltered lives and all they knew was their home and the people living there.*

Hiro: I can definitely see it. Though it also fits Cora since, you know.. before she met me she just lived at home being homeschooled and only going to certain places.

Kage: Yes, in hindsight that was rather appropriate. After that little performance some of the boys there started talking to her, telling her how pretty she is and how she sang lovely, even some asking if she was single. *Becoming a little self conscious* Some of the boys there were better looking and had decent muscles in comparison to my scrawny build, but do you know what Chara did?

Hiro: What?

Kage: She politely thanked them for the compliments and...*Smiles warmly* she snuggled up to me and says to them ' I'm sorry boys, but this cutie here is my boyfriend and I'm sticking with him.' I could still recall the gob smacked face at me after hearing that. I never felt so warm and happy to hear that. Then to cement that statement she kissed me. Afterwards we had a root beer float where I told a joke which made her laugh so hard root beer came out her nose. I helped clean up and told her she had a wonderful laugh, which she does. We had our kiss after leaving. And that was my first date.

*Kage sighs as he finishes the story. Hiro looks up to Kage and now they are looking at each others' faces.*

Hiro: Glad you had fun that night.

Kage: Yeah, I hope you four will love that place as much as I and Chara did...

Hiro: I bet we will.

Cora: Hiro is that you?

*Hiro's head turns to see Cora, dressed in her jean skirt and white blouse looking at the two guys. Baymax is behind her.*

Hiro: Hi Cora. Hi Baymax.

Baymax 1: Hello.

Cora: Hey, sorry for making you wait. I hope you weren't too bored waiting for me.

Hiro: No no, its fine. Kage kept me company... told stories.

Cora: Oh. *To Kage with a smile* thank you Kage.

Kage: You're welcome. Have fun you two.

*Before the teens step out, Cora turns around and talks to Kage.*

Cora: What kind of story did you guys talk about?

Kage: Simply about our first dates.

Cora: Oh.. that must've been interesting to learn.

Kage: Definitely, now go on you two. Don't keep Honey Lemon and Gogo waiting right now.*

Baymax: Exchanging stories about a personal experience is beneficial for the person sharing the story, especially between friends, can develop a level of trust. It also has mental health benefits.

*The three people nod before they look at each other, at a loss for words. But then they figured they can share that a lot later. The teens nods before leaving off for their date at the pizzeria. While that was going on, Honey Lemon and Gogo are at separate places dressing up for their double date.*

Gogo: Honey you almost ready yet?

Honey Lemon: Just about! How about you?

Gogo: I'm fine!

*Gogo checks her breath and deems it normal which she then turns around to see a dolled up Honey Lemon dressed in a yellow dress and purple ribbon tied around her waist. Gogo blinks and blushes a little bit before she shakes herself out of her romantic stupor.*

Honey Lemon: *blushes* Wow Gogo, you look good.

Gogo: Thanks... you look amazing.

Honey Lemon: *Smiling and blushing deeper* Thank you.

Gogo: So *Fakes clearing throat* Ready to meet up for our double date?

Honey Lemon: Oh right! Yeah lets go!

*The two girlfriends hop onto Gogo's motorbike where they speed through the city, with Honey Lemon riding behind Gogo and holding onto her tightly. Gogo smiles at this as they finally arrive at the place of the date and park the motor byke. A few minutes pass before Gogo and Honey Lemon spot Hiro and Cora on the moped and hop off after parking it next to Gogo's.*

Cora: Hey guys! Hope we didn't keep you waiting!

Honey Lemon: Its ok, you guys are right on time.

Gogo: You two look nice.

Hiro: Thanks. Same to you both.

*Gogo shrugs but soon they all enter in. The atmosphere had changed over the years, the loud and energetic music replaced with mellow sounds. The four are seated to a booth where Hiro soon spots the karaoke stand. Though from the slight dust on it hasn't been used in a while... a long while. After ordering and receiving their drinks the four start talking.*

Cora: You know, ever since you and Gogo became girlfriends you've been a lot happier.

Honey Lemon: Well, its not everyday you get confessed by your crush while doing something adorable that shows it.

Hiro: Tell me about it.

Gogo: Yup.

Hiro: Did you ever tell your folks?

Gogo: Honey did, then posted our selfie online and changed her status from 'single' to 'taken'.

Honey Lemon: Everyone was so happy for us! They gave us very nice comments and wished us the best!

Gogo: Cept for one little twerp. *Smirks in satisfication.*

Cora:*catches on to the look* OH!...*smugly* and how exactly did Mole react to the news?

Gogo: As well as you expect from someone annoying.

*Meanwhile at Richardson's comic store.*

Mole:*On his knees, looking up at the ceiling* WWHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?

*Back at the pizzeria.*

Cora: I would have loved to see his face.

Gogo: You and me both.

Hiro: Hope it means he will finally leave you alone from now on.

Gogo: Here's to hoping.

*ITs there that Cora points to the karaoke stand.*

Cora: Do you think if it still works would any of you guys try it out?

Honey Lemon: That sounds like fun! *To Gogo* Gogo, what do you-

Gogo: I can't sing. And no its not an excuse, I can't sing worth crap.

Hiro: I'd rather pass on that one. I'm not the type to sing either.

Cora: OK then...*she then picks up her glass to raise* Well, here's to our Double date!

Honey Lemon:*Joins in the cheers* Yup! To our first double date!

*The four clink their glasses. Meanwhile, at the outskirts of the ocean, a ship is sailing through. The captain is steering the wheel while a young adult passes through and looks through the window. That is when the young adult notices something coming afar. The Captain soon feels a tap on his shoulder where he sees the cabin boy point ahead. The captain frowns as he looks closer at it.*

Captain: Lenny! Call ahead while you still can!

*From Liv's office she is pacing around, wringing her hands as she waits for a signal to come on. That is when she receives a call. She quickly answers the call and sees the hologram form of Lenny. A part of her dreaded that Lenny would call... This person... this thing.. that is the chosen representative of Madame Nozako. By all appearances he's one of the handsome men she's met over the years; Honey blonde hair and grey blue eyes and well-toned body(Though not as impressive as Mizuchi), but while the others had something human about them that can attract others like flies drawn to honey; Lenny had nothing human about him. She still couldn't believe that Chris, her pet, would consider Lenny as his boyfriend despite the fact that Lenny isn't considered human. It could be that Lenny's voice has an attractive voice with a German accent.. *

'Liv':*Awkwardly* Good Evening Lenny... how are you?

*Lenny looks up to look at 'Liv', his smile plastered on his face.*

Lenny: Hello, there Frauline. I'm doing good. How about you? Been experimenting with your toys?

*His mouth never opened. His lips literally remained sealed and yet they can still his voice clear as crystal... And this is what ultimately scared her. The representative of Madame Nozako shares the same ominous aura and unpredictability, with a high chance of hurting those that upset them... she learned that when a scientist working for Nozako pleaded to Lenny about more time to work... only for Lenny to break their arm in a unnatural position.*

'Liv': I'm good... So, I presume that you are near the bay?

*Before Lenny can answer he turns his head and lets the captain shows his face.*

Captain: Amara, I'm afraid we'll probably be a little late to the arrival point.

'Liv': OK, you'll only be a little late, so does that mean it'll be an hour later or?

Captain: No, what I am sayin is...There is a tempest coming. A big one! From the look of things, its going to be a wild one! And considering how Nozako is... chances are we'll sink.

'Liv': What?

Captain: What I suggest is go to the room and flip the switch twice before the storm hits the city! Chances are it'll wipe out the power. Good luck and wish us a safe voyage!

*The call ends, with 'Liv' having unblinking eyes... before she grabs a nearby pillow and screams into it. Chris is passing by when he heard the loud muffled scream coming from the office. He should be thankful that the other workers and the intern are already at their homes but a part of him wants to film the scream just so they could see just how much of a childish brat his creator is. Oh well, he giggles like a school boy as he thought about the possibility of Lenny coming soon and what 'fun' they can have together while he's there. After screaming her heart out, she runs towards the lab and does what the captain told her to do and flips the switch twice, where the stability power increases where just then, outside of Sycorax, a large thunderstorm is roaring with heavy rain. At the Mizichio home Kage is getting a glass of water when he sees a blue wallet on the counter. He picks it up and opens it to show that its Cora's, due to the fact that her SFIT ID is inside of it.*

Kage: Looks like Cora forgot her wallet while she was busy preparing herself. Hmm... I do recall that they agreed to split the bill when its over...But would they even want me there?

*He looks outside where he notes the clouds. It looks like it will rain soon.*

Kage: Get a grip! Just go to the Pizzeria, give Cora her wallet and head home before the storm hits! It shouldn't take too long.

*And so Kage gets buttons his jacket tightly, grabs an umbrella and stuffs Cora's wallet in his jack pocket. Heading out on his own...was an experience at best. He scolded himself for not waiting for Baymax to recharge but the rainstorm looks like it'll get worse as the small raindrops grow in size. He makes sure he does not slip on the wet floor as he goes down the familiar path, using his memories to recall familiar streets to locate the pizzeria. At the boat the storm had hit the seas. The Captain does his best to take the control of the ship in hopes that the storm doesn't increase in power that it would capsize the ship. Lenny goes around to check over the engines, but once he ensures the engines are functioning when he sees something far ahead. A small lifeboat tossing through the waves, with a person holding tightly for their life.*

Captain: Lenny?! What is the situation with the engines?

Lenny: Engines are functional. There is a person on a lifeboat about starboard 5 yards from us. I'm going for it.

*The Captian tries to get out a response only to see him already jumping off the ship and swim strongly to the life boat. He grabs the rope around the life boat and swims through the waves back to the ocean. The captain, seeing what Lenny is doing, orders his sailors to help lift up the lifeboat. After getting the boat up the sailors bring up the unconscious passenger onto the ship.*

Captain: Dear god...

*Kage spots the pizzeria, just across the street from him. He looks ahead, the current state being replaced from when they went the first time together. The dull lights turn into Neon as Chara encourages him to enter inside, making a joke how he probably never had pizza before. Shaking himself off the memories he goes to the pizzeria and enters inside. He shakes the umbrella from the water and looks around till he spots the four people. He goes over and clears his throat, catching the attention of the four.*

Cora: Oh! Kage… Hi.

Kage: Hello...

*Gogo scoots closer to Honey Lemon but leaning up to show that if necessary, she'll get up and fight. Hiro instinctively scoots closer to Cora as he looks at Kage. The man notes this, reminding him why they would act this way.*

Kage: You forgot your wallet Cora.

*He pulls out the wallet from his jacket and hands it to Cora, who takes it and places it in her jean jacket.*

Cora: Thank you.

Kage: I should probably head home right now...have a good time.

*But before he could take a step away Honey Lemon calls out to him.*

Honey Lemon: Wait um...Mr..Kage. It looks like its raining very hard outside. How about you stay with us?

*The three look at Honey Lemon with blinking eyes before they look outside the window. It is pouring heavily outside as Honey Lemon said; so Hiro and Cora nod as they scoot over for Kage to sit down while Gogo sighs as she gives into her girlfriend's request for Kage staying with them till the rain lets up. But when Kage sits down the lights start to flicker on and off until they are surrounded by complete silence. But it wasn't just the pizzeria, as if all at once, the entire city black out as the result of this storm. The moment they heard the loud thunder and the ear piercing lighting crack Hiro's mind traveled to his repressed memory of the storm and nightmare of the car crash that night so many years ago. Among the concerned murmur, the annoyed groans, Hiro's panicked breathing in heard within the group.*

--------

*The three girls and Kage look at the teen boy, with Cora being the most concerned as she immediately holds him closely and whispering sweet nothings to calm him down.*

Honey Lemon: *Worried* Hiro! Whats wrong?

*Gogo brings out her phone and to use as a temporary flashlight to help. It seems the others had the same idea as they brought out the phones to be flashlights. The owners then come out to the customers and started talking.*

Owner: OK now! Lets keep calm and carry on! My assistant manager will go to the back and get the back up engine up and running. We'll get out candles and complimentary breadsticks. stay at your seats and we'll be right back.

*with that the rest of the workers head to the back to get all the stuff for the stormy night. Cora continues to hold Hiro closely as he slowly starts to breath calmly. Cora looks at Hiro as she starts to recall the last time he acted this way... on their first date the storm happened and Hiro started to have a panic attack. While the adults left to get flashlights and blankets to wait out the storm, Cora took him to the living room where the brightest candles are beside Akemi's butsudan. After all that, Tadashi confessed that Hiro's fear of storms like this is because it had something to do with their parents' death... They were driving home in a storm like this when they got into a car crash... and Hiro was with them in the car. He was the only who survived the crash. The mother and father died on impact. That childhood trauma made Hiro have panic attacks whenever a storm rolls by. Cora hums lightly as she continues to hold Hiro close. Kage is at a loss for words at this moment, unsure about what to do right now. Should he also comfort Hiro? No, Gogo would possibly smack him if he even tried laying a finger on him or even Cora. They hadn't gotten close to having physical contact and be comfortable with it, meaning hugs are nowhere in their sights at the moment. He then pulls out his own phone to act as a flash light to which Gogo blinks heavily as it shined on her face, temporarily blinding her before her eyesight is restored.*

Kage: My apologies Gogo.

Gogo: Its fine.

*The continued murmur of the building continues to roar as suddenly Kage's phone rings. He turns off the flash light button and accepts the call, holding it close to hear over the ruckus.*

Kage: Brother is that you?

Mizuchi: Yes it is. Where are you Kage? Baymax is here but you are not!

Kage: Look, I went to the Pizzeria where.. I went to when I was still attending SFIT! And its only to give Cora her wallet she left behind!

Mizuchi: Is Cora alright?

Kage: Cora's fine but Hiro is having a panic attack! Sure he's calming down but what should I do?

Mizuchi: For now, stay calm, talk about anything...except the weather for obvious reasons of course.

*Kage's face went to the 'are you kidding me?' when he heard the last sentence.*

Mizuchi: I've called Miss Cass and she says she's fine. They're Baymax is with her and she's also asking about Hiro's wellbeing.

Kage: I'll text her about this and make sure things don't go south in this pizzeria.

Mizuchi: OK Kage, you and Cora be careful out there.

Kage: We will.

*Kage hangs up the phone as he looks at the four, now calm and well. It was then that one of the staff comes out, awkwardly wringing their hands with a nervous smile plastered on their face.*

Staff Member: So um... If I may ask...do any of you happen to be familiar with the functions of the power box?

*Some of the customers boo at the poor staff member which Cora's heart panged with sympathy. Gogo gets up to wall over.*

Honey Lemon: Gogo where are you going?

Gogo: Mechanical Engineer remember? we've been familiar with a power box or two.

Kage: I'm joining you.

*The four look at Kage.*

Gogo: You?

Cora: Are you sure?

Kage: I'm also familiar with power boxes and have attended this place many times in my youth.

*Hiro stands up as well.*

Hiro: Going with you as well.

Gogo: OK, so that's three of us going in. *To Honey Lemon* Honey, you watch over Cora K?

Honey Lemon: Fine with me sweetie.

*Gogo nods before the three leave to volunteer helping the staff member, who was momentarily confused with the appearance of the fourteen year old boy till Kage confirmed about his high intellect and experience with robotics. Still slightly doubtful, the staff member asks Hiro to see if they could get the karaoke music up and running since its powered separately from the power grid. Hiro goes over and soon enough, the Karaoke music box is working good as new.*

Staff: OK now! While we go over and see if we can get the power grid up and running, you're all free to sing at the Karaoke stand! We've managed to download brand new songs while keeping the classics!

*That is when the staff member pushes the three to the back room as quickly as they could. As of while Liv is sitting at her office, near the comm call as to wait any news. It was then that she did receive a call and thankfully from the Captain.*

Captain: Amara! The good news is that the storm has eased up a bit and we are nearing the bay!

'Liv': Thank you! Chris and I will be heading there immediately!

Captain: There's' also-

*But 'Liv' hangs up the call before the Captain could finish talking, already getting her coat ready to drive all the way to the bay.*

'Liv': Chris, get the gold ready. We're going to the bay immediately!

*The two immediately drive down to the bay, barely avoiding hitting people and cars due to 'Liv's persistence about arrive as soon as possible, and finally made it to the destination point. The ship is docked with the captain already standing with some mechanics by his side.*

Captain: Do you have the gold?

*'Liv' nodded as she points to the crate of gold by Chris. The captain looks inside and checks it, nodding to himself as he directs the sailor to use the crane to lift it up. 'Liv' looks down as she scolds herself for not paying the rent on time. If she had managed to get the money before this the gold would already be on its course to help Liv. And because of Hamada's suspicion and the two recent gold theft she can't risk a third steal lest she encourages the suspicion of Big Hero 7, which is already a nuisance onto it itself. The captain gives her a look of pity, sighing sadly.*

Captain: I'm sorry Amara, it had to be done.

*The Mechanics then come forward, all of them bearing a badge of the Mizichio symbol on their lab coats before placing their rain coats on. Chris looks around and then asks the captain.*

Chris: Is Lenny here?

Captain: He is. We've also learned that the tempest will stay for a couple days and we can't risk going back. Madame Nozako is informed about this and had granted us the permission to stay here for a few days... there's also something else.. that we've discovered in the water.

Chris: *Thinking it might be Orso Knox* Did you perhaps see a monster?

Captain: No we haven't... but we did find someone.

*Its there that Lenny appears, which gives Chris a huge smile until he sees the girl in his arms. Chris frowns at the girl, pouting until Lenny dumps the woman into his arms and whispers into his ears which causes Chris to giggle and blush like a school girl.*

Chris: Jesus Christ I missed you Lenny.

*When 'Liv' is finished directing the people onto the bus she turns around to see Chris, Lenny, and the girl.*

'Liv': Um... who is she?

Lenny: That's what we would like to know. She was found on a life boat not too far from us. She's alive, but unconscious. Consider the girl a bonus. Turn her to the police, keep her as a new pet, or experiment her. Do whatever you please.

*'Liv' looks closely at the woman and finds that the woman has strawberry blonde hair and freckles and dressed in oversized and used clothing. But what caught her eye is the blue sapphire heart around her neck. She is certainly a curios one... someone that may hold very interesting answers.*

Boss: Do you think you three can fix it?

*Gogo and Kage look at the power grid while Hiro holds the flashlight to show the cables and switches.*

Gogo: Looks pretty old but it doesn't look burnt out, so it may be possible to start it back up again.

Kage: We could rewire the cables to get up and running again but it could take a few minutes or at max an hour to get back any light.

Boss: I'll take what I can get.

*Hiro looks at the boss with a raised eyebrow but then remembers how some of the customers were not so happy about the sudden power outage with an old karaoke stand to act as entertainment. With Honey Lemon and Cora outside the talking just kept getting louder as some complained how they had yet to get their pizza before the power, how their phone battery died and can't recharge it, ect. Annoyed, tired, or just quiet goes around the pizzeria, leaving the two girls uncomfortable alone.*

Honey Lemon: This is a little... unsettling.

Cora: You're telling me. I know the three can get the power up and running but Kage went to this place when he was 15 years old! It may take time.

Honey Lemon: I just hope this doesn't turn into a riot. Did you see how they booed at that poor guy?

*Cora nods in agreement.*

Cora: I guess it would be easier if the music still played, then they would be a little less cross.

Honey Lemon: But with the power still out there is no music.

Cora: Well, there is one source of music.

*The two girls look at the karaoke stand, still sitting there amidst the annoyed chaos happening around them.*

Honey Lemon: I doubt that anyone is in any mood to sing anything. And I'm honestly a little afraid to go up there and sing.

Cora: Hmmmmm…..

*Cora looks at the karaoke stand and recalls Kage's story about Chara singing a Disney song onstage. Disney is a safe bet since no one could hate Disney. After much thought, Cora slips down and gently gets onstage. Honey Lemon notices and sees Cora.*

Honey Lemon: *Whisper shouting* Cora what are you doing?

*Cora grabs hold of the microphone and clears her throat as to get their attention, which it works sadly.*

Cora: H-Hi Everyone...So... tonight isn't something everyone wanted...The Rainstorm I mean.

*The silence was deafening despite the uninteresting cough someone gave. Cora lets out a soft breath as she looks back at the audience.*

Cora: I-I hope at least... t-this would sooth over our thoughts at the moment...

*Awkward silence rings until one rude person speaks*

Annoyed Person: Well? We're waiting.

*Cora flinches at the person's tone, feeling herself becoming a statue as the eyes of the customers stare at her. She turns on the small battery to play the song she chose to sing, her heart pounding like a drum. She finally clears her throat, summoning every ounce of courage before she starts singing..*

Cora: All those days watching from the windows... All those years outside looking in... all that time never even knowing.. just how blind I've been~

*That is when the customers there heard the song and the girl's voice. They blink in awe at the girl as she continues to sing. Honey Lemon wastes no time to record the performance, smiling as she does.*

Cora: Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight... Now I'm here, Suddenly I see.. Standing here, it's all so clear... I'm where I'm meant to be~ And at last I see the light.. and its like the fog has lifted... And at last I see the light... and its light the sky is new.~...

*That is when Gogo, Kage, and Hiro return back from helping the staff when they see the blue haired girl sing. The three look at her in awe and pride. Gogo and Hiro recalling when they made a promise that they will guard Cora's identity as Mystery Angel and that she will sing at her own time. But now... its just Cora, as it should be. As for Kage, this is the first time he heard her sing ever since the forced performance by Mr. Sparkles. So to hear her after so long is a genuine surprise.*

Cora: And it's warm and real and bright... and the world has somehow shifted...All at once...everything looks different... Now that I see you~

*The song continues to softly play where Cora looks at the crowd, now staring at her intensely, but with admiration. But it still frightened her and making her uncomfortable. Hiro sees this and looks at the girls for help, only for them to be distracted and Honey Lemon recording the performance with her phone. That is when Hiro made a bold move. He grabbed the second microphone and taking a deep breath, joined in.*

Hiro: All those days, chasing down a daydream...All those years, living in a blur, all that time, never truly seeing things...the way they were~

*Cora turns her head when she heard a voice and to her surprise it was Hiro's. Hiro's voice is surprisingly easy on the ears and quiet pleasing. The people and notice it as well as Hiro gets up stage.*

Hiro: Now you're here, shining in the starlight... Now you're here, suddenly I know... If you're here... it's crystal clear... I'm where I'm meant to go~

*As he sang, Cora's fear lifted as he joins her. They faced each other as the candles continue to glow and the both hold their hands together.*

Hiro and Cora: And at last I see the light~

Hiro: And its like the fog has lifted...~

Hiro and Cora: And at last I see the light~

Cora: And its like the sky is new...~

Hiro and Cora: And its warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted... All at once, everything looks different... now that I see you~*Both teens hearts pound as they look into each other's eyes in the candle glow* Now that I... see you~

*The audience clap happily, but the sound is non existent to Hiro and Cora as they look at each other, happy to be with other at this moment. Honey Lemon cuddles with Gogo as the latter smiles with a small blush on her face as her girlfriend sends the video to their friends, to Aunt Cass, and to Mizuchi who is sitting next to Kaguya and Baymax. From Aunt Cass' side, she's squealing happily at the video shown to her, holding it to her heart at hearing them sing together. Mizuchi smiles at the duet, little tears falling down his cheeks as Kaguya's smile widens as she tries to hold back her tears of happiness; loving how Cora and Hiro got together to sing onstage despite the teen girl's fear. Kage's smile was the warmest as he sees the teen couple get off the stage, blush still on their face due to the praise and admiration they are given. And before they knew it, the lights get back on. With that, the mood of the pizzeria was much more cheerier then before, with the two couples enjoying their date and now happily chatting with Kage. And eventually around the city the lights flickered back on, resuming life after the thunderstorm, with only the drops of rain being a gentle patter.*

'Liv': Are you sure you don't want me here? Liv is-

*The Mechanic only gives a blank look at 'Liv' unnerving her until she relents and heads outside the section where Liv's body is suspended. The Mechanic wastes no time at all as they start repairing the capsule. 'Liv' goes through her lab where she sees laying on the table the woman Lenny found at the sea. The monitors show that her vitals are normal and it she would wake up in a couple hours, her old clothing replaced with a hospital gown.*

'Liv': You are certainly a mysterious one huh? *Sighs*

*She leaves her lab and goes back to the office, looking back one last time before the door closes. While 'Liv' waits outside, pacing through the floor, she wishes Chris is here rather than in another room to spend 'quality time' with Lenny. Inside the hidden lab, the mechanic feels their chest open up and show the image of Nozako, looking over the process so far.*

Nozako: Hmm... how curious... this capsule is supposed to be durable for at least another 6 months. What could possibly caused this outbreak?

*That's when the wires crackle and spaz despite it being recently connected. That is when Nozako motions the mechanic to place that stray main wire to a computer. That is when something remarkable happened. The capsule resumed back to normal... but then the computer fizzled with static before it clears up to show an image feed. Nozako smiles to herself as she sees what image it is.*

Nozako: Very Interesting... Life has a way of finding its release...even if one is trapped behind a machine.

*With Liv she sighs frustratingly before she turns to an old ID of Cora Mizichio. This child is simultaneously the most interesting and must frustrating girl she ever met. She has so much potential and yet she can be so stubborn! But one thing keeping 'Liv' from tainting Cora's future is the mysterious liquid that her biotech intern ingested.*

'Liv': Looks like I'm going to Plan B for Liv's cure. You better watch out Cora...After I find out the woman's identity and where she came from...I'm coming for you.

------

A.N: Howdy! Man its been a while huh? Finals is over and now here's a new Original chapter! Tell me your thoughts and thank you for reading Big Hero 7! Love you guys!

[sunnysynthsunshine]

Sick (Multiple Characters x reader)

(Kevin Turvey)

you arrived at the BBC studios, to start production work, but something was off, the weather was quite cold and you didn't have a scarf

you carried on working but between your camera work loud sneezes were overheard "Sorry, take two" you'd say, then you sneezed again and again"

the producer said, "Y/N I don't believe you're well enough to work today"

"What are you talking about?" you shouted to let out a loud sneeze, your head drowsy as your throat felt dry

the producer said, "that's exactly what I meant"

you stood up rubbing your nose, while the other cast members looked before going back to what they were doing

you walked back to the staff room, to relax until the planned episode had been filmed and aired

it was the afternoon, you were sitting in the staff room, stuffing your face with sandwiches, ignoring the snot running down your face and your groans feeling like you were a disgrace when you heard the door creak,you saw a familiar face walk in,he was one of the cast members,he had a patterned black and white shirt over a blue and red anorak,he took it off as he sat next to you on the sofa

"Hey,Y/N how are you?" he said in his high pitched Redditch dialect

"I'm miserable and sick" you responded bluntly

" I hear lemons are good when your sick" he said

he walked over to the counter and prepared some tea, as well as a small lemon cake, he placed the lemon cake on a plate and brought it over to the coffee table,

"a Lemon a day keeps Kevin Turvey away," he said, while he snorted a giggle and wiped your nose with a tissue

you chuckled "shut up!" before regaining your composure "Thank you" you then sipped the tea and ate the cake while Going Underground by The Jam played on the radio nearby,

you moved the saucer of leftover lemon cake aside "How about you try some lemons?"

Kevin grinned "Well I've never investigated that before"  he then took a big bite into a slice of lemon that was falling out of one of the cakes, he stuck his tongue in disgust screaming, you smirked at him "I thought that made you less sick" Kevin tried spitting it out as he ran out the staff room cringing "Yeah, well now I'm the one sick thanks for that" you erupted into laughter

he laughed back, he then did a trick with his ear (flipping his ear over only for it to pop back into place), "If I'm that good at healing people I could be a doctor" you scoffed "I don't think I'd trust you with time travel" he scoffed back "Why?, there would be lots of cool things, places and people to investigate"

(Rest home Ricky) (WARNING: References to mental health)

it was one of those times, ever since you got admitted into Denton, you'd occasionally get to leave but other times you were stuck there, under observation while sat in your room looking at your laptop,your laptop was more productive at times than you were,they were limitless, while you had limitations,you would overindulge,you would question your empathy and sympathy for people,you would overthink intensely resulting in some compulsive behaviour and stomach pain,that's why you were sometimes in Dentonvale

it was where you were safe, unlike the unhelpful counsellers of the past you had been to, the people of Dentonvale did care for their patients, after the whole Farley Flavours drama, Nation and Cosmo just stole the money to improve their business

you sat, listening to music, you liked the melodies and lyrics, but the overthinking still lurked, you tried to dream to escape it but instead you encountered intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and you were arguing with yourself, this gave you a headache and pains in your stomach, you undid your headphones and picked aggressively at your ear and lips,you felt sweaty, confused and it didn't stop by the time someone had visited your room, half of your right ear was bleeding and your lips were dryer than your throat.

you kept mumbling "make it stop, it's just telling me lies, but because the lies are sometimes true it makes it hard to tell if it's true or not, I'm a horrible person, why can't I naturally feel emotion sometimes,why do I do this to myself,why is my mind never satisified,I've moved on from my past why does my mind always play the worst parts of my memory film reel,I'm nothing,I say I will stop overthinking but I don't do I? do I?"

"Y/N"

you blinked you didn't know one of the staff would overhear the rambling

"Oh! sorry I," you paused staring as your body lightly shook

Rest home Ricky walked over "What's wrong Y/N"

you quietly mumbled "I feel like I'm living a lie, I should be grateful about the life I have and I try to be honest, but each time I think I'm improving I have an episode or a moment of intrusive voices putting words into my mouth,I have low empathy sometimes that must mean I'm an emotionless mess with no morals right?,I've moved on from the past, but the film reels of then keep playing at the worst times, I'm such a rude, ungrateful person,"

he tried to help settle you, he lightly rested his hands on your shoulders while he reassured you

"your not living a lie, your brain is just mean to you sometimes, everyone has their weak moments,your intrusive thoughts don't define you, even if you can't physically show feelings,you still show them emotionally and your emotions are still valid, as long as you know your morals and that they don't harm you or others, that's fine"'

you sniffled "but...the memories,I know it's not relevant but they keep reappearing"

he rubbed calming circles on your back "it's ok I'm here, all of that is in the past now, don't let the paranoid voices get to you, your a smart, considerate, determined person"

he paused "Now how do you feel?"

you looked up "a bit stressed, but I can get through it, you've helped calm me down a bit I still have a bit of a pain in my stomach and head though

he observed "I see, I also see your ear is bleeding a bit, that might've resulted from your compulsive behaviour hang on I'll be right back" he walked off and came back with a small bowl of water, some tissues, ointment creams and some medicine

he dipped the tissue into the water and moved it around the areas of the ear that were bleeding, he used the other tissues to dry your eyes and nose, he rubbed some lip balm over your lips and dissolved some tablets into an easy to consume soft drink concoction,you picked up the drink and sipped it slowly, later he brought in some pasta "Just eat what you can" he said as he waved before leaving the room, you scooped up the pasta pieces with your spoon and ate most of them up before you dozed off to sleep.

(Rick,The Young Ones)

one of those weekends, where you'd order take away, either the order was wrong, or that you've had food poisoning

it was the day after you were a wreck, taking up space on the sofa like a tired cat, you could feel the sweat through your dressing gown,you had eaten a few things,but still felt horrifically sick, slumped on your pillow  

Vyvyan had went out,Mike was being Mike and Neil was busy gardening,Rick ran downstairs only to see what you were up to

he looked up at you "How do you feel Y/N?"

you groaned "not good,I think I've been poisoned" you felt like you were going to vomit again

he gasped melodramatically "POISONED!, by what? Edwina Currie's eggs, Jamie Oliver's salads...Neil's lentils?"

you shook your head "Nah none of that, I ordered take away but they might've overcooked it and I ate too much of it, ugh"

he sat down next to you "Have you seen a doctor about this?"

you bulged your eyes out "I haven't been to a GP in ages what are you on about?"

he wasn't happy he slapped his hands together "Alright, that's it your going to a doctor"

you tried to make an excuse "no need Rick, no need I'm fine it's not that bad"

bubbling noises could be heard from your stomach

he got his coat and hat and fidgeted about for his keys "I don't want to hear it, you are seeing a doctor"

you coldly joked "that's Vyvyan's car, how do I know if you can even drive?"

he ran inside Vyvyan's car, and turned on the engine, and smirked "the things extracurricular sociology can teach you"

he drove Vyvyan's car to the closest walk-in clinic there was,medicine was prescribed and then they were back home

you watched some tv, you browsed social media, but you forgot to take the medicine, luckily later on Rick reminded you

and while you were there on the sofa covered in a blanket, feeling  like your mouth was a rubbish bin, he was there to cuddle you, until you eventually got better, the next day he didn't bother Vyvyan he was too busy making sure you were alright,you kinda liked the attention and he kinda liked that someone was taking his advice for once and Vyvyan liked that Rick was more quiet than usual.

(Richie Rich)

it was mid Spring,a stomach bug had been going round,Catflap caught it,Richie caught it....now you caught it

you were a production person who had met up richie and catflap in the 2000s,you became showbiz pals instantly

you hated getting sick, you clutched onto your stomach as you leaned back your pillow wasn't comfy and you felt slouched

Catflap decided to change the pillow for you,as Richie Rich had walked back in looking at you to see if you were getting any better

the local GP was full up,so when he came back he was in an unhappy mood "stupid Doctors,oh well we can treat you here,I've never played that role before" he smirked before prancing off to his room and arriving back in a nurse costume

"I'm in hell" you joked as you leaned back into your position on the sofa, Richie frolicked about "so I diagnose you with....a stomach infection" as he messed about with a clipboard and pen, Catflap scoffed "it's a virus, Richie common colds don't make you vomit excessively"

Richie was disgusted slightly "Uhh, well that must not feel nice at all, my treatment shall be a cup of tea"

Catflap laughed, "a cup of tea?, would you prescribe someone with the bubonic plague a cup of tea?"

Richie grinned "YES, I would, have you watched casualty before?"

Catflap cringed as Richie prepared a cup of tea he messed up with the first cup so let catflap drink that, while he handed the second good cup to you"

he can gave you medicine as he overdramatically posed next to you, still in costume, looking at you with a random bag of first aid equipment he had in the basement

it felt nice,you kinda liked how he was doting on you even if it was a bit over the top, with Catflap being the assistant

when he posed in an animated way when giving your temperature,Filthy Ralph arrived "What are you queens up to,reenacting some Japanese cartoon" Edward Catflap paused, pulled up his suspenders a bit "Now,Ralph that's a bit offensive of you,the japanese make great television"

[a-k-a-ruenis]

Small Shock

Rating; Teen and +

Fandom; Aldnoah.Zero

Relationship; Slaine Troyard / Kaizuka Inaho

Tags; Mental Health Issues, Depression, Anxiety

Chapter 3/?

Story under the cut!

Alternatively, please click here to read it on my Ao3!

Chapter 3

“Mmn..”

The blond’s pained groan causes Inaho to look down at him again. Dropping him had only added to his bruising and injury, and the fact makes him feel the slightest bit guilty. Inaho takes care to walk slowly, being deliberately cautious so that he does not drop him a second time. The pirates had absolutely no right to keep him tied up like that, and judging his current condition, it seems as if he had been neglected.

The blond does not say anything, still, nor does he raise his head from Inaho’s neck. And then, just as suddenly as he had been awake..

.. Inaho very nearly drops him when he suddenly goes limp in his arms.

Dead weight.

Ah, no, he reminds himself, shaking his head slightly, He's still breathing.

Using such language is inaccurate, according to Yuki – or perhaps she said 'inappropriate'? It does not matter either way; the blond has passed out, which means they will most likely not be getting any information out of him for quite some time.

Coming to a stop, he allows his eyes to linger over the other’s face.

Where his jaw is, closest to his ear, there are barely visible, shiny, translucent.. specks? dotting the blond’s skin. They are oval shaped, and some are more white than translucent, some are more grey, and how that Inaho has time to properly look the blond over, he can see that they are not just on his face. They dot his shoulders, as well, and.. his ears, too. They are oddly shaped, the tips pointed and frayed like a fish's fin.

They're scales, he realises a second later. The shiny ovals are scales. Adjusting the blond’s hair as best he can, he hides his ears so they are not exposed, and continues on, still taking slow, careful steps. They still think he's a civilian, he realises, If I tell them he isn't, they might..

That would not be good.

Right now, it is his responsibility to ensure the blond is cared for and properly nursed back to health, so he can return to wherever he came from without any issue.

That means keeping a secret for a little longer. A few days.

A few days, and then, he can..

*

“Doctor Yagarai?” Inaho calls, gently kicking at the door with his foot. With the blond still unconscious, he does not want to risk trying to opening the door and dropping him, nor does he want to put him down on the floorboards. Kicking at the door again, he adjusts the blond some more; the blond is heavy in his arms, heavier now that he has lost consciousness, and he is not sure how much longer –

A moment later, the door opens, and a bespectacled, older man stands in the doorway, a look of surprise on his features. “Kaizuka junior?” he questions, tone low. His eyes slip downward at the messy bundle of blanket, and he realises the officer is not alone, “And.. someone new? An injured pirate?” Opening the door completely without waiting for an answer, he allows Inaho inside, not about to refuse medical aide to whomever it might be.

“A.. civilian,” Inaho answers, listening as the doctor shuts the door behind them Walking over to an empty cot, he sets the blanketed blond down on it, breathing a sigh of relief. “He was.. being held hostage, in a back room. Could you watch over him until he regains consciousness?”

Yagarai follows after the young officer, pulling a chair out and sitting in it, a few ways from the duo. “You don’t want me to look him over?”

Inaho remains quiet a moment, carefully rearranging the blanket, movements slow still, deliberate. Covering the blond’s chest and tucking him in, he glances toward the doctor. “I already checked, and he has no injuries. Just mild bruising from the rope, and he probably hasn’t eaten or drank anything the whole time he was kept on board,” he says, and then he lowers his tone, “He also isn’t wearing any clothing, and he was dazed and confused, but it doesn’t look like he was assaulted.”

“I see,” Yagarai says, looking relieved. “I’m glad. And none of you were injured?”

“No,” Inaho answers, shaking his head. Leaning back, he grabs the pillow from the other cot and gently lifts the other’s head, placing the pillow under him. The blond cannot have possibly been comfortable in that room, and hopefully this will help him get some well needed rest so he can wake up, sooner. “Can you keep an eye on him, and let me know when he wakes up? He might panic.” 'Might' as in, he will most definitely panic, so call me immediately when he wakes.

Yagarai nods as he turns and pulls a piece of parchment from his desk, as well as a quill and a bottle of ink. He pushes aside the weak excuse of a candle lying on the drawer, the wick barely visible among the melty, waxy mess, and sets his things down where it had been, instead. Presumably, he is going to start taking note of the blond’s condition.

Inaho gets up, dark eyes lingering for a moment. “I have to report back to the captain.”

“Of course. No one will bother him, Kaizuka, and I’ll let you know when he wakes.”

*

Finding Captain Magbaredge is relatively easy.

Yuki and Marito are keeping watch on the pirate’s deck, ensuring they do not misbehave or attempt anything while the other officers have presumably returned to their posts and tasks. The captain has most likely ordered them to rifle through the pirate’s belongings and confiscate anything that seems suspicious, like the weapons and over abundant gunpowder. When he heads down into their hold, he finds Inko, Calm, Kakei, Tsumugi and Matsuribi going through the various barrels and crates, inspecting them to see which ones they will have to confiscate.

Magbaredge is standing in front of one of the larger barrels, and he quietly stands behind her for a moment, hoping to gain her attention. When he does not, he starts, “Captain, I hav–..” He stops himself when the woman tenses up and turns to look down at him, a sigh escaping her lips.

“Kaizuka junior.. I believe I’ve told you before to make your presence known,” Magbaredge murmurs, shaking her head a few times. As heavy as his footsteps should be because of his boots, the other five crew members are making too much noise for her to distinguish between the sounds. The hold is filled with a dull, echoing sound of crates and barrels being shuffled, metallic pieces clicking..

Inaho stays quiet at that, gazing up at her with that familiar, blank look on his features. Whether or not he feels bad is anyone's guess.

“.. is the boy taken care of?” she asks, earning a small nod.

“Doctor Yagarai is taking care of him. I've asked him to let me know when he wakes up,” he answers, tone still quiet. He pauses for a moment, dark eyes flickering between his captain's face and the crates piled up against the wall. “I want permission to monitor him, captain. Exclusive permission.”

“Why?”

“I believe he might be prone to panicking. The pirates frightened him. If he is exposed to more faces at a slower period of time rather than all at once, then his mental state may improve, and he is less likely to lash out.”

Magbaredge hums quietly at that, seeming to give it some thought. She gestures to the crates after a moment and starts to walk away, “For now, he will be your responsibility. I'll give your request some more thought. In the meantime, until he wakes up, transfer the confiscated crates to our ship and proceed with your duties as usual.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

*

“Inaho?”

Raising his head, the young officer finds himself gazing at two familiar faces. “.. yes?” he asks, though he already has an idea of what his friends want to ask him. As ordered, he is going through the crates, and currently has an open one full of bullets and hay before him.

“That boy you found,” Inko starts, a dangerous amount of weaponry cradled in her arms, “Is he okay?” It does not seem as if the guns are loaded, and a few of their parts look broken, rusted. These ones were probably not being used.

“He’s being monitored by Yagarai. And no, you can’t see him,” he says automatically, gaze flickering to their boatswain, “For now, he’s in my care.” And will hopefully remain that way, until he is ready to return home. It would be ideal if he were strong enough to do so before Magbaredge makes her final decision.

“Awh, damn,” Calm mumbles, visibly disappointed, “We really can’t see him?”

Inaho shakes his head, looking between the two of them. What does he say, to make it clear that their new guest is in no state to interact with others? “He’s..” Shifting, he pulls at the hay, the bullets shifting and sliding somewhat as he does, quietly bumping against each other, “.. volatile. It wouldn’t be safe for us, or him, if he were to panic.. And he wasn’t able to talk to me.”

Calm blinks, visibly surprised. “He couldn’t speak?”

“He was in shock, I think.”

“.. well..” Inko smiles, bittersweet, “Let’s get back to work. We’ll help, Inaho. Hopefully he’ll feel better soon.”

*

“Hey, so, which is heavier? These, or the kid?” Calm questions, curious, “People are heavy, yeah?”

“The barrels are heavier,” Inaho murmurs. ‘Kid’ does not seem to be the right word to refer to him, considering Calm, along with Nina and Tsumugi are the youngest members of their crew, at twenty-one.

The barrels are wooden, and are relatively heavy, even when empty. Filled with gunpowder, they weigh around ninety kilograms, and he and Calm are taking them one by one back to the Wadatsumi. It would be difficult to carry on their own, without help. The officers all taking turns in pairs, careful not to bump into one another as they cross between the ships.

“He weighed somewhere around sixty kilograms..” A bit on the heavy side for Inaho's small frame, but not as heavy as the barrels. At least he could carry the blond by himself.

“Mm.. Hope he feels better..” Calm offers, stopping for a moment to readjust his hold on the barrel. They lower it temporarily, allowing him to hold it from the bottom instead of the sides, and then pick it back up with a quiet huff. “How many do we have left?”

“Ten,” Inaho answers, “I'm switching with Kakei after this.”

“Eh? Why?” Calm asks, sounding offended.

The two of them life the barrel over the plank’s edge, careful not to let it weigh down on the wood. Inaho doubts it will break, but it cannot hurt to be careful and ensure nothing happens. Heavy, wooden boards rest between the two ships. They are durable and wide, made from some type of hickory that they got while they were in China. Living up to its hardwood classification, they have yet to break, even when carrying hundreds of pounds of barrel and people on it.

Inaho waits until they safely carry the barrel over to their own ship, where it will be temporarily put in the corner and then carried down later on. “Inko said she wanted to ask questions about him,” he says, lifting his head somewhat.

Calm watches as the brunet shifts his weight, watches as he glances toward the door that leads to their cabins and infirmary on the lower level. “Worried?”

“He.. wasn’t speaking..” Inaho murmurs, shaking his head.

Perhaps ‘unresponsive’ would be a better word. Neither of them tried very hard to speak with one another, and Inaho had been primarily concerned with getting him immediate medical attention, but.. The few words he said to the blond, he had not responded or even attempted to; he had just stared. It had seemed as if he responded to touch, and touch is more stimulating, more easily understandable.. –

“He's gonna be okay.”

Inaho raises his head, surprised.

Calm grins at him, warm. “I didn’t get a good look, but he didn’t seem all that hurt, and he’s here ‘cause you saved him.. You found him before that other pirate did, so.. He’s gonna be fine,” he says, easy.

Inaho finds himself nodding, slow.

“Great! Then, let’s put this down and go help the others, ‘kay? When we’re done, you can go check on him, if you want.”

Picking the barrel back up, Inaho matches Calm’s pace, sparing the door one last glance. He's.. going to be okay..?

[g0ldpainted]

7th December - CtC’17

What the chocobros do to improve the world and make it a better place (headcanons)

Hey! C:

Today’s another headcanon! 

Don’t we all constantly hear how cold this world is? That everyone is selfish and only cares about themselves? Well, let’s imagine it’d be the same for Eos. How would the chocobros try to save the world? Or what would they do to make this dark world a little lighter?

Noctis: 

Obviously the one with the most capability of changing things

He’s the king after all and therefore has tons of money/resources 

While he grew up in a fairly rich household, he certainly wasn’t spoiled

Regis could’ve given him anything in the blink of an eye but refused to

They always saved money

Ensures no one is homeless -> provides free housing for those who end up without a home

Free meals, free showers, free beds - they get it all

On top of that, Noctis hired people helping homeless get back into life 

In his eyes, it’s partly his fault if people end up homeless and he certainly doesn’t like that

Laws will be changed, criminals receive harder charges 

Animals are not things, they’re living beings deserving rights, too and surely Noctis wants that as well

Annually donates money

In case of a tragedy, Noctis wouldn’t mind getting his hands dirty

Will be in the affected area and help on the spot

Aside from all these things, he really likes to help people with casual tasks

Casually helps old people carry their bags when he sees they’re struggling

Doesn’t mind taking out the trash although he has maids 

Prefers a normal life - that’s how he always wanted to live and lived during his teens.. But now he has to live at the citadel

Visits orphanages quite frequently because this once emo-dork loves children

Loves how happy he can make people by simply showing up somewhere

Donates blood whenever he can

Also signed up for bone marrow donation

Highly supports research of all kinds

Definitely a fan of healthy education: not too much input in a short amount of time

And he hated homework, you bet he’ll find a way to reduce that or at least reduce it

Of course, he also supports the idea of cheap higher education

Due to him having been in public schools, he feels very connected to his folk and knows some struggles Regis might not have known of

All in all, Noctis is a very peaceful king that strives to ensure a beautiful life for his folk

Prompto: 

Unlike Noctis, he’s obviously not rich

Nonetheless, he’s still a generous human being

Surely donates blood and also signed up for bone marrow donation

Strives to make people happy 

Walks dogs of elders for free

Goes grocery shopping for them, too

Holds free photography classes at school 

Often donates his best photos to charity auctions 

Raises awareness for all kinds of problems of the world (poverty, abuse, mental health,…)

Anti-bullying campaigns

Anti body-shaming campaigns 

Those are both dear to him because they both affected him

Volunteers at animal shelters and animal sanctuaries

Protects the chocobos at all cost

Huge supporter of all forms of art

Preaches being kind to everyone

Does a lot of stuff in the field of self-confidence

Wants the whole world to know that an appearance doesn’t determine if you’re worth being friends with someone

Ignis:

Such a big supporter of research in the field of medicine, health and literature/knowledge

Occasionally helps out at retirement homes

That means cleaning and cooking

Also cooks for people who can’t afford to buy a proper meal

He’s quite well known for being the royal advisor and a splendid cook

Once he was asked to hold classes, he was quick to agree

They’re rare due to him being busy but he does hold classes for people interested in learning how to cook

Sometimes bakes Christmas related items and sells them at a Christmas market, donates all the money to a charity of his choice

Teaches at places in Eos that are not as well endowed as Insomnia 

Believes that spreading knowledge is mandatory 

Has a huge heart for children

Annually donates toys, plushies, books, and DVD’s to orphanages 

Those affected by war really strike his nerve

He’ll happily take up a few hours of his time to read a book to them and give them some kind of normality back

If he ever happens to be near a war zone, he’ll gladly jump in and help - he’s pretty confident in his skill and doesn’t believe he could risk dying

And if he does, he at least died doing something good

Gladiolus:

While this guy might look scary, he has a huge heart

Although his main job is to protect Noctis, he doesn’t mind helping the hunters with tasks as well

He does that in his free time and considers it training

Besides that, he often helps construction workers 

Takes part in charity marathons

Offers free fighting classes 

Will gladly help people work out - if someone wants him as their coach, he probably won’t decline

Loves nature to no end and therefore tries to go as green as he possibly can

No plastic bags. No waste of food. No product from companies that don’t pay enough money to their employees,…

Against leather and fur, always up for protests when it comes to those things

Sometimes helps out at the rescue team

Often ends up saving cats from trees or other terrifying situations

Doesn’t take money for anything he does since Noctis is already paying well enough 

2nd December ; 3rd December ; 4th December ; 5th December ; 6th December ; 7th December ; 8th December ; 9th December ; 10th December ; 11th December ; 12th December ; 13th December ; 14th December ; 15th December ; 16th December ; 17th December ; 18th December ; 19th December ; 20th December ; 21st December ; 22nd December ; 23rd December ; 24th December ; 25th December

Masterlist

[missrosienorris]

Life at the moment

So, in my last post I set up some goals for myself. Now, the truth is that I quite rarely accomplish my goals, partially because I apparently tend to set them a bit high at times and partially because I have the patience of a gnat and am not good with long projects that require a lot of planning and time. (As attested to by my atrocious, still-not-finished thesis. It’s not the amount of work as it is really not much harder than my day job, it’s having the patience to keep at it, especially when it’s boring af.) This time I did surprisingly well, even though it didn’t go exactly as I had planned it out.

Firstly, I said I would find myself a therapist. The situation on that front took an unexpected but somewhat interesting turn that I find myself increasingly cool with. But let me start by saying that HOLY SHIT trying to find a therapist in Finland is a garbage process and someone really needs to get on that. First of all, you get no help, zip, nada, zero. You have to scour the internet yourself and try to weed out some candidates in a sea of lacking descriptions, lacking contact information, lacking everything. But I am adept at the internet, so I did.

I wrote ten therapists who seemed to somewhat fit my criteria (which were pretty much woman, CBT-leaning, experienced and available to take on new patients). Half of them never replied, three weren’t able to take on new patients even though their sites said they were, one was in the middle of some iffy moving arrangement that I didn’t feel like dealing with and the only one I actually met started the session by telling me how lackluster my prognosis was and then when I talked about my family she explained how she knows that although we’re so big on equality nowadays she always sees these mental health problems in families where the mother is more in control than the father, and I was like yeah. No.

So at this point I was like fuck me, this is hopeless. But then I had a chat with the psychologist that’s covered by my healthcare benefits at work, and she was like “you know, we just made a deal about what kind of healthcare will be covered by your employer this year, and they’re going to cover group therapy. I think that could work pretty well for your situation, would you be interested in it?” Now in the past I was socially awkward to a painful degree so I had always ruled out group therapy from the get-go, so my first instinct was to decline, but then I though about it some and changed my mind. Over the last few years I have found that I’m actually rather sociable, my social skills have improved considerably and opening up about my mental health issues to perfect strangers has never been an issue for me as I don’t keep that stuff secret anyway so I though hey, why not give it a shot.

So that’s what I’m doing. It’s still in it’s infancy, as I have only done the two initial interviews so far and not met the group yet, but I am feeling really good about it. The psychologist who will be running the group is very experienced and also quite nice as a person, I feel like she gets me and perhaps best of all, she has no problem with using hard science and medical terminology, which is immensely helpful to me. I don’t believe it’s healthy to be excessively focused on diagnosis since mental health is so complex and variable, but I find that having a label for some of the soup that is my mind helps me de-clutter and honestly makes me feel less like a crazy person. For example, I had realized that my constantly low mood probably isn’t normal and my intense health worries are rather obsessive, but hearing a professional actually say “PDD” and “OCD” sort of validates that the problem isn’t just that I’m a weird-ass dingbat and overreacting, I have some legit disorders and that isn’t my fault. (Which obviously doesn’t mean that I don’t need to do anything about them or that I can use them as an excuse for behaving like a shit, don’t worry, I’m not going down that route.) Her using the proper terms and not being vague and roundabout also makes me feel like I’m being treated like an adult and not babied, which is important to me since I really really hate being treated like I lack the ability to comprehend shit. So that’s where that’s at, and I’m feeling optimistic.

Secondly, I said I would resolve my existing vet bills, set aside some money for unexpected vet expenses, get older cat’s stomach under control and make sure the new cats have insurance. This I have mostly done. The bills are paid, and although I have not technically set aside a specific sum of money I now have a credit card that is reserved for unexpected vet bills only. I have not used it at all yet. Older cat’s stomach is still acting up some, it appears he has a bit of IBD, but the diet and medication has been re-vamped again and the situation has improved. And pet insurance has been added to my insurance package, although obviously it does not cover older cat due to the large amount of pre-existing conditions. But it covers the babies.

Third, the babies. That has been an interesting ride. I did adopt from a shelter as I said I would, but the cats ended up being a girl and a boy instead of two girls like I had planned, not that that matters much. The thing that went funny is the age. They were estimated to be around 6 months of age, and they were about the typical size for that age so I thought nothing of it. But when they had been with me for about a week I took the boy to the vet because he was peeing like 7 or 8 times a day which is quite often and I wanted to make sure he didn’t have a UTI. (Which he didn’t. Apparently he just has a small bladder.) Anyway, during the examination the vet checked his teeth and was like “yeah, this one is definitely like 1-2 years old rather than 6 months, his teeth are quite developed and really need a cleaning”. So he’s technically not a baby, and I need to have his teeth cleaned, but honestly that’s no biggie, shit happens. I was slightly peeved that the shelter hadn’t checked the teeth, that’s pretty routine, but they were very cooperative when I reported it to them and are even paying a part of the cost of the cleaning, so it’s all good. I don’t blame them for being mistaken about the age, because he is very small for an adult cat and the vet told me it’s actually rather difficult to determine a cat’s age. So we’re heading in for a teeth cleaning in about a week, and I’m taking the girl with me too so the vet can check whether her age estimate was more accurate (they are not from the same litter, they just lived together at one of the shelter volunteers’ place while looking for a home). She is growing a bunch though, which he doesn’t seem to be, so her estimate might be closer to the truth. And if it isn’t, whatever. They’re sweet, sterile, chipped, vaccinated and checked for FIV and FeLV, and that’s way more important than the age being bang on the mark.

The first weeks with the newbies have gone nicely. I will refer to them as girl kitty and boy kitty for now, since I guess at least for the boy, kitten wouldn’t be accurate and the girl is honestly already too big in size to be called a kitten because she really grows like a weed. Both have adjusted really well to their new environment despite being very shy at first. Older cat has taken well to them too and there has been almost zero conflict between them and him, I think he hissed at girl kitty like once when she was being too forward and that was it. Now they all sleep in the same bed and particularly girl kitty and older cat are becoming very close.

Girl kitty is still a little reserved towards people and you can’t really pick her up yet, but if you let her come to you on her own accord she is quite friendly and cuddly. She seems like she might become quite a big cat and has quite strong legs, so she jumps and climbs a lot. She’s quite playful, but a bit shy about playing with people. She’s constantly getting braver though, so I think she might be more people-loving in the future. (And if she isn’t, that’s fine too. Not every cat has to love sitting on your lap or being picked up, as long as it’s possible to handle them if they need to be given medicine or boxed up for travel it’s all dandy.)

Boy kitty on the other hand is quite a people-lover. He often rolls around on his back on the floor looking for cuddles and is fine with being picked up as well. He is not yet quite sure about sitting on your lap for more than a little while, but I have a feeling he might be the type to do that in the future. One thing he hasn’t quite comprehended yet is that people aren’t toys and don’t really like being nibbled on, even if the nibbles are obviously playful and definitely not bites. So I’m trying to teach him that, hopefully he’ll pick up on it. Boy kitty is extremely active and playful and will play with people, other cats, by himself, whatever works. He’s not as good a jumper as girl kitty but quite adept at climbing. He’s also a bit of a rascal and has already chewed a pair of my headphones and sometimes annoys girl kitty with his roughhousing. But in general they like each other quite well, they often sleep on top of each other and lick each other’s coats.

So that’s life at the moment. I still miss younger cat heaps, dream about her and cry about her regularly, but I think I’ll live. And older cat isn’t lonely anymore, which has done him good, so that’s a big relief.

[woozapooza]

Poldark: The Verdict

THIS POST IS SO LONG OH MY GOD

I haven’t read the books so idk how much of the stuff I’m praising or criticizing comes from the books.

Really wish Ross hadn’t raped Elizabeth, folks. Really cannot get past that. But other than that, it was a good show. Beautiful visuals, memorable characters. I have seen a lot of criticisms I agreed with and a lot I didn’t.

Uh, rapist tendencies aside, I’m not a big fan of Ross. Obviously I don’t want my protagonist to be perfect, but sometimes it felt like Ross wasn’t even really trying all that hard to improve. His tendency to keep Demelza in the dark is really annoying. He doesn’t tell her when her BROTHERS ARE ON DEATH ROW. He sneaks off to duel Monk Adderley and just before the duel starts he whispers like “forgive me Demelza” or something like that, so you know he knows he’s doing something wrong BUT HE DOES IT ANYWAY. And even in the very last episode he’s sneaking around with Tess and the French guys, leaving Demelza to think he’s lost interest in her. I’ve only seen the show once so I don’t have the best grasp of everything that happened, but based on my limited memory I feel like Ross doesn’t really make an effort to change very often. Even when he comes home after his night with Elizabeth, he seems more concerned with how Demelza is reacting than with the fact that he betrayed her.

DWIGHT BEST CHARACTER DWIGHT BEST CHARACTER DWIGHT BEST CHARACTER. I liked that his indiscretion with Keren Daniel (which, by the way, he never made excuses for and which he regretted because it was morally wrong—take notes, Ross—actually, I might make a separate post about this) came up in the finale. It felt like the show was saying “this guy doesn’t just exist to be friends with Ross and take care of people and display good values, he’s his own character with his own journey.” Sure, it’s a little weird that Caroline would bring it up in the context of her jealousy of Kitty, when he wasn’t being unfaithful with Keren because he wasn’t in a relationship at the time, but hey, sometimes people say things that don’t make sense when they’re in their feelings, and besides, the point (from a plot standpoint, not from Caroline’s POV) was to spur Dwight to confront Ross about acting in ways that hurt people. And what a satisfying confrontation! Sure, it would have been more satisfying in a context in which Dwight wasn’t working with incomplete information and therefore Ross would actually be convinced to change his behavior in the present moment, but “Ask George. He lives with [the consequences of your actions] every day” was a real oh snap moment. Dwight is so much better than Ross. As I’ve said before, why isn’t the show called Enys?

George second best character. WHAT a dude! WIthout reiterating everything I said in this post, the show was definitely unfair to him. He is not as evil compared to Ross as Debbie Horsfield wants us to think. I wish his s5 arc had been a little less all over the place. He’s having delusions of Elizabeth, he’s abused by Doctor Whatsit to the point that he tries to kill himself, he bonds with Dwight, he apparently forgets that he was ever mentally ill (???), he’s working with the Slavery Guys, he can’t condone collusion with the French, he kind of neglects Valentine but then in the finale he’s like VALENTINE IS MY SON NOT YOURS, at the very last minute he has some genuinely positive interactions with Ross…? That’s a lot to process. Well, taken in isolation, his scenes in the finale were SO good. WHEN HE SUDDENLY SHOWS UP AT THE DUEL AND SHOOTS HANSON AND THE FRENCH GUY! WOW! I found it hard to explain why Hanson and Merceron’s complete lack of integrity was such a dealbreaker for him. Unless I’ve forgotten something, that could have been better foreshadowed. But still! I feel like it’s basically the law that if you’re going to such a consistent, long-lasting, not to mention interesting antagonist, by the last season of the show you have to give them at least a little redemption, not because no bad person ever stays bad all their lives (I’m not talking about full redemption anyway) but because it’s just boring to not follow through on the promise of the character showing some decency. Despite what some reviews I’ve read have implied, George was never a one-dimensional villain to me and I would have been really disappointed if his dynamic with Ross ended where it began.

Caroline third best character. It was nice that she and Dwight got to do something new in the final season, but their conflict all felt so forced, both Caroline’s bitterness and Dwight’s impatience. While I was relieved that Caroline’s jealousy didn’t play out as the tired old “oh no my heterosexual partner is paying attention to a person of the opposite sex, there can be no innocuous reason for that” trope, I found it hard to buy that Caroline contrived her jealousy of Kitty because she was afraid to open her heart to another child. That’s an incredibly elaborate excuse not to have sex with Dwight. I guess I can buy it slightly more if I assume that her insecurity wasn’t 100% feigned...but in that case, I still have a hard time buying that Caroline would suddenly be all that distressed about her husband seeing her as vapid and sheltered. Also, I was disappointed that it was implied that Caroline wanted to have more children after Sarah died. It had been refreshing to have a female character in a period drama who was not the maternal type. I know Dwight loves kids but he’s got friends who have kids that he can borrow.

The Ross/Demelza aspect of the first three episodes was super rushed. They had, like, no chemistry for the first two episodes, then in the third episode they have sex AND get married?! Is this really how we want to introduce our main couple?

One thing I respect about this show is that it frequently surprised me with its willingness to have things go irreparably wrong. For example, I thought Francis wouldn’t drown; I thought Geoffrey Charles and Cecily would get married; I thought Morwenna would get custody of John Conan. But none of those things happened. The show can be sappy, but it’s not that soft.

I respect the show trying to deal with mental illness in a way that’s both sensitive and historically plausible, but the results were mixed. You have that wonderful storyline about Caroline not understanding that Dwight has PTSD and Hugh coming along to help him process, and then at the episode either Hugh or Dwight says that while Dwight isn’t fully healed, he’s moving in the right direction...then after that Dwight never shows symptoms again, and the only time I can think of it even being mentioned was when he was trying to reach out to Morwenna. (Side note, I was sad that Morwenna shot down his attempt to relate. I understand that his trauma was not identical to hers, but it would have been nice if later on she had been like “actually, can we talk some things out?” Fanfic idea, anyone?) On the other hand, Dwight’s interest in mental health in season five is a nice bit of continuity—not explicitly linked to his bout with PTSD, but I know from interviews with Luke Norris that the connection was very intentional. In Morwenna’s case, her trauma lasts longer than an episode, which is a step up from Dwight’s case, but letting go of John Conan and becoming ready for another child apparently cures her fear of physical intimacy all at once. Finally, George’s delusions of Elizabeth...give way to amnesia? That was weird, but his s5 storyline allows my main man Dwight to be the voice of justice and compassion.

Apparently unpopular opinion, but I liked the inclusion of the Ned storyline. I liked the concept of Ross coming face-to-face with his own flaws in Ned, even if I feel like he didn’t really use that experience to change much.

Tess was a pretty pointless character. She kind of reminded me of Sarah Bunting from Downton Abbey in that her unpleasant personality is used to make her political opinions look bad. Except at least Sarah was actually sincere in her opinions and not just trying to get in her married boss’s pants. Idk which storyline is more annoying. But I actually liked the part in the finale where Demelza expressed sympathy for Tess. It shows progress from her attitude toward Elizabeth back in the day.

I know it’s in the books but LOVEDAY IS A TERRIBLE NAME WTF DRAKE

Cornwall pretty.

Overall grade: B+. I really wish I could give it an A-, but, well the main character is a rapist but isn’t treated as such. Ugh, let’s not end this post on such a heavy note. DWIGHT BEST CHARACTER DWIGHT BEST CHARACTER DWIGHT BEST CHARACTER

Oh, that reminds me! Anyone want to recommend me any juicy Warlenys fics? :)

[joshterry]

there are no ugly women in oxford, mississippi & other thoughts on anxiety & taking a break

2 days ago i made a very out of character, last minute decision… i decided i was going to take a vacation… and i was going to take it in 2 days…and i didn’t give zero craps what anyone thought of it. i made the decision on my drive into work and the first thing i said as i walked in the door to my staff was “hey guys i don’t mean to freak you out, but i’m going out of town on friday for 6 days. cool?”

i gotta admit my employee & our interns were a little surprised. i’m a pretty predictable person, i love routine, i like schedules and i tend to think most of my decisions are pretty calculate and planned out over a long period of time specifically to make sure no one gets affected - i like that about myself and i think others like it about me too, it’s part of what i think makes me steady. so i didn’t really know how they’d react. this decision however was different, i just felt in my gut i needed to disappear for a bit and i needed to do it suddenly. i shouldn’t have been surprised by this but they (along with all my clients) were very supportive of it. i think everyone probably felt “yea you’ve been a little abrasive lately, get out of here you lunatic.” i don’t say enough lucky i am to get to work every day with people who not only have such strong character but also care for me seem to be able to tolerate my own unique brand of “crazy person.”

traveling’s always been a big part of my life and the past few years i’ve tried to take one vacation a year that’s non-work related. because of my job i’ve gotten to travel all over the word to a lot of big cities & cool places. i’ve been blessed with travel to 49 states (minus alaska, which is just cold and i don’t do cold) and several international countries. so to do something a little different for actual vacations for personal enjoyment one of the things i started doing that’s served me well is i now exclusively go to places i assume others wouldn’t go on vacation to. i’ve been to boone, north carolina, savannah, georgia, athens, georgia, and mobile, alabama over the years. there’s just been something comforting about planting myself in a very small, beautiful southern city for a few days and forgetting my “problems.” these trips always refresh me in a way that the big cities or beaches just don’t. there’s not a lot to do, and you’re forced to just soak in the local culture, talk to regulars and it’s easy to disappear and feel like you don’t have to be “on." my friend leslie who i’ve known since i was in middle school has been offering me for months to come use her family’s vacant home in oxford, mississippi. it’s only 4 hours away from nashville and it’s actually one of the few cities in america i’ve never been to. so on a whim i hit her up on wednesday & asked if if the offer still stood. she said yes, gave me a ton of ideas of things to do and places to eat at, and said “the place is yours, here’s where you’ll find the keys.”

i’m sitting on her couch right now in the quaint little house & i’ve got to say it feels like exactly what i need at this moment.

so why does someone who has amazing friends & family, owns their own business that gives him a lot of freedom and flexibilty in his life need a sudden vacation you might ask? what’s so urgent you whiney 1% whitey? well truth be told i don’t quite know. the funny thing is nothing’s really going wrong. work is good - my business continues to grow, my acts are busy, i’m wanting to sign a lot more things too, i’m not burned out at all (which i gotta say is unusual because i have my hands in a lot of things), and my stress level because of all that is super managable and surprisingly quite low. my personal life couldn’t be going better - i’m in the best health, both physically and mentally, of my life. and i’m being as social as a person like me gets - going out regularly, making plans with friends, seeing lots of movies & more concerts than normal, dating regularly (which comes with its good & bad). so as i evaluate everything on the surface (which yes i do, i’m a dork), nothing really feels disconnected.

but something was feeling off for the past month. i just haven’t been inspired and i’m a person who does need inspiration to feel like i’m growing. i’ve been working hard on my personal life & my professional life but not getting the overall satisfaction from everything i’ve wanted. i think we all go through that though, right? little things that normally wouldn’t affect me were really getting under my skin. anyone who knows me knows that i hate listening to people complain about their problems when they have no solutions in mind on how to improve their situations, i call those kinda people toxic venters and for some reason i was getting surrounded by the marvel avengers of toxic venters lately. i was starting to feel manipulated, taken advantage of, and just honestly like everyone was being rude, self absorbed pieces of crap with no concern for what it was like for me having to be the person taking on their burdens. but instead of saying “i’ve had enough” i’d just listen and try to help, all the while knowing none of them wanted my help. the truth is none of these people are bad people, some of their actions i admit were questionable but i should have felt honored that they were coming to me with their problems, but instead i started to get resentful. i was also feeling quieter and less willing to show myself in situations. most people that know me realize i can be very extroverted, not at a loss for words & able to sit genuinely with who i am. anyone who knows me really well though, knows just how introverted i actually am. my normal preference is to be home in the quiet and not having to be “on” for everyone. being social takes work for me, being in quieter places where i can be more internal is where i feel more at home. and again none of this is unusual. i work in music, everyone’s problems are the biggest deal in the world (please note i say that sarcastically, because really some of y’all are silly with the garbage you get fixated on and very few problems that involve “music” are actual problems in the grand scheme of things) and i’ve learned over the years sometimes you gotta let people get their stuff out so they can get out of their own heads and start thinking more pragmatically & not make emotional (also read “dumb”) decisions.

the other thing that was messing with my head is i was also getting really sick from traveling, not just like “ugh i hate traveling” kinda sick where i snap mean spiriting pictures and post them on instagram from airports, but actually physically sick. on a trip back from LA i got what felt like the early signs of the flu, on a trip to portland several days later my ears wouldn’t pop which gave me a migraine and i felt like i was going to throw up the entire time at the show. on a trip to new york a few weeks later, i started getting crazy anxiety on the flight there and then awful motion sickness once we landed. for someone who has traveled as much as i have in my life, all of this just felt super, super off. i started feeling helpless on these trips mostly because i knew once i was on the ground i needed to power through meetings and have impactful time with my bands and the people working for me. then all of that spread from work to just general social settings. the thought of going to parties, having meet ups with friends or even attending work related events or concerts started stressing me the hell out, like anxiety you wouldn’t believe. and again none of it made sense, when i’d get there everything was fine, i’d have a good time, but man the "getting there" part was awful. all i could think about was i didn’t want to talk to people who were going to just talk about themselves, or worse yet were going to want something from me. part of the draw backs about working in a city where your profession is the focal point of the city is the amount of mooches per capita who are looking for hand outs is overwhelming. i had a show in nashville a few weeks ago & i couldn’t even keep up with the amount of hangers on-ers that came up to me (and i reiterate these are people who never talk to me unless they need something) and they were all looking for work or advice on some bad idea they had that they’ll likely never execute because (and this is going to sound harsh) they’re not good enough to keep their own jobs or see their own ideas through because they let their personal crap get in the way of them completing things or just being a professional in general. sorry i said it - fake that til you make that why don’t you. so saying all of that, because of feeling sick, anxious and frustrated i started feeling like a bad version of myself. i didn’t want to be that grumpy person that everyone was like “what’s wrong with that dude” & i noticed i wasn’t being as positive as i wanted to be with others and worse yet, i didn’t feel like i was as fun to be around or even funny (and y’all, all humility aside, lets be real... i’m hilarious, so if i don’t feel like i’m funny in public, somethings wrong).

so off to oxford, mississippi, i went this morning in my car and after a brief stop in memphis to check out graceland (which by the way did you know elvis has a whole bunch of stuffed animals in his living room & a freaking jesus statue with his name on it right in front of his grave and that junk is wild) i pulled into the driveway. only a few hours later, as cliche as it might sound, i could just feel my soul feeling settled.

i had a wonderful dinner at a place called snackbar and then just spent a few hours walking around the square in downtown oxford. looked around square books & picked up a few things i’m going to read this week while i put my phone on airplane mode & ignore as many emails and text messages as i can. i popped into proud larry’s - a bar & music venue that some of my very first bands used to play every other month which gave me a very comforting and reassuring "how far i’ve come/nostalgic trip down memory lane” kinda vibe. i was able to settle in & remember that even back then i was also an entrepreneur, albeit a really green and probably bad one, but as i sat there and had my drink i could remember how i felt back then. so full of possibility, so full of life. the little things didn’t bother me and i was reminded how many doors opened for me just because i was willing to put in the work, how open i was to collaborating with others and letting them into my life, and how it felt like i had a new idea every day and wasn’t afraid to execute them because of financial concerns or even dumber how i’d be perceived. i just did me, and doing me worked out.

i’m looking to a few days of solitude this week. i’m going to write a lot, read a lot, watch movies and just explore & visit places & do things that are fun to me. did i mention there are zero ugly women in oxford? ZERO! jenn - we might need to open a satellite office here, just sayin’ :) enjoy your next week of work suckers :)

[cwnerd12]

“Palace Magnifique” Rose stands on stage in a tastefully understated black gown, First Night, “Considerable changes have been made since First Night was last held, but Gilboa’s dedication to the fine arts remains the same. Tonight, for the first time, I am joined by a new Minister of Arts and Culture. I’m very pleased to introduce Miss Monique Broadnax.” She applauds politely as Monique makes a dramatic, sweeping entrance. She’s dressed in an elaborate gown with trains in trans pride colors. Rose maintains a tight smile as the crowd applauds wildly for Monique. David, sitting besides Jessie, cheers for her. Monique, “Good evening!” More applause, shouts of “YAAAAAS!” Rose’s smile tightens even more. Monique, “For years, the Shiloh Ballet has been a symbol of grace and culture. Tonight, we seek to continue the tradition of First Night, but to bring it into a new era. As this city changes, its culture must change along with it. Tonight, for the first time, new styles of dance will be incorporated into the performance, style of dance that have previously been considered to be less than. Tonight, we are once again blessed by angels, but we invite new ones to the table. Please, welcome our new dancers.” She and Rose graciously leave the stage to applause. Classical music plays, and ballet dancers pirouette across the stage. After a few moments of pure ballet, the music and lighting change; suddenly all colors and hip-hop. Vogue dancers appear on the stage, dancing furiously. Society people pretend not to be highly confused and/or outraged. Gays and AFG veterans finger-snap and shout “YAAAAAAAAS!” Jessie’s jaw drops in delight and David smiles and laughs at her astonishment. More fierce dancing.

(“Tomorrow Is My Turn” Nina Simone) David’s portrait hangs in the palace- bright and colorful, with a big, optimistic smile on David’s face. Monique leads a team of designers and architects, furiously taking notes, around the lobby of the palace, “There needs to be some actual life in this place, some warmth, I want plants, natural light, and some color. There should be design elements keeping in the celestial theme of the AFG, and maybe a few butterflies as a tasteful nod to history.” She turns around, “King David has stated that the most important thing is that the palace be open to all people. There should be no part of the palace that isn’t wheelchair accessible. Prince Jack lives here and he still can’t visit half the building. We’re beginning a new day!” In the council chamber, David sits and speaks into the camera, “Good evening. Today I signed into law a declaration of rights for the Citizens of Gilboa.” David has his picture taken for Elite Magazine. He smiles with brilliant charm. In his office, a reporter asks, “The impact of your kingship is being felt all across North America. Do you encourage those in other countries to take up the fight for their rights?” David, “Not unless they’re willing to go through hell for it. You think you know what the worst thing that can happen is, but then, something even worse happens, and then something even worse happens, and it just keeps getting worse and worse. If you think you can survive that, then, maybe.” On TV: David, “Citizens of Gilboa have a right to free speech and a free press.” Jack sits behind the cameramen, smiling supportively and giving a thumbs-up. At their own press conference, Adam and Liam stand behind two podiums in crisp new AFG uniforms. Adam, “With the cease-fire with Gath fully implemented, King David is beginning the integration of AFG forces into the Gilboan Army.” Elsewhere in Shiloh, buildings damaged by the Amalekites get repaired. Joel gets photographed as he holds up the declaration of rights, “I wrote this.” Asher is photographed smiling and leading a service in a synagogue. Shay is photographed smiling and standing in front of a proud group of Queens of Gilboa in their new uniforms. David breaks ground on a housing project for refugees as a crowd lovingly cheers and applauds. Abby poses proudly in her office. Jack has his picture taken. Photographer, “Can you turn your head a little bit, I want to get a better view of your scars.” Jack’s smile fades, and he turns his head. In his office, David explains to the reporter, “Being king really is exciting, I’m actually building things and getting things done.” He presses a button on his phone, “Abby, can you get me those reports I asked you for this morning?” Abby, over the phone, “Lick my BALLS, David! You aren’t the only person who’s busy today!” David laughs nervously, “We haven’t quite lost the informality of the AFG yet.” In their apartment, Jack watches an elevator being installed by the staircase. Back at Liam and Adam’s press conference, Liam says, “AFG veterans who wish to retire from combat will be given full benefits and recognition as veterans of Gilboa.” Reinhardt grins like a smug, handsome asshole as he poses in front of a display of weapons. Rose is photographed at her press podium. Monique is photographed in front of the still spray-painted MSS building, wearing a sparkly gold gown, and waving an AFG flag in the manner of Liberty Leading the People. David, “*announces equal rights, no discrimination based on religion, race, gender, or sexual orientation.*” Gay couples flood a courthouse trying to get married. One of the couples is Abby and Michelle, holding hands and giggling. Michelle wears a slinky white satin slip gown and Abby wears a feminine tux. At her desk, Rose receives a magazine: on the cover is Jessie, “Gilboa’s Mom.” Rose tosses it aside dismissively. Jack and David have their picture taken together, David standing behind Jack. Reporter, “Will Prince Jack be granting an interview?” Jack glances at David. David, “Oh, no. Jack’s made really remarkable progress in his recovery, but speech remains a real difficulty for him. I’d be glad to answer a few questions, though.” Jack tries to smile. At Liam and Adam’s press conference, a reporter asks, “Will either of you be returning to active duty?” Adam, “If King David asks us.” Liam grins, “This is a good thing because if I were Premiere Shaw, I’d be terrified to know that I had this guy coming after me.” He points at Adam. At sundown, Monique stands in front of a building, looking up at its neon sign. It flickers and lights up, PALACE MAGNIFIQUE. Monique claps and laughs with delight.  Reporter, “You’ve legalized gay marriage in Gilboa. Are you and Prince Jack intending on getting married any time soon?” Both David and Jack blush and laugh. Jack looks up at David. David, “Oh, man, I’d love to, but royal weddings are a big deal, aren’t they? I’ve got a ton of stuff that I’m working on, I don’t know when I can find the time to do a wedding.” Jack, “We should.” David, “Yeah, we should.” Rose watches as the cold stone facade of the palace lobby is taken down. She stoically tries to hide her sadness. Monique saunters past, followed by architects and designers, “The new stairwell should go over here. It creates more of a natural flow, has better feng shui.”

In bed, at night, Jack wakes up, rubs his eyes, and sees that he’s by himself. Slowly and carefully, he gets himself into his wheelchair and goes out into the living area. He sees a light coming from David’s office. He goes over and opens the door. Jack, groggily, “David?” David looks up from his work, “Oh, shit, what time is it?” He looks at his watch, “Damnit, I’m sorry.” Jack, “It’s okay.” David puts his stuff away, and says, apologetically, “I swear I was gonna go to bed with you, but I wanted to take one last look at these refugee numbers, I kinda got sucked into them and lost track of time.” He goes over to Jack, “Come on, let’s go to bed.” They go towards the bedroom. They both get into bed. Jack curls up on his pillow, away from David.

Jack at physical therapy: he does exercises for balance and coordination after brain injury. It’s difficult and strenuous but Jack powers through it with intense concentration and determination. Afterwards, his physical therapist, Josh, helps him back into his wheelchair. Josh, “You’re doing really great, Jack.” Jack, “Thanks.” Josh, “If it were based on strength alone, you could run a marathon tomorrow. Your issues are all related to balance and coordination, which are trickier to address. Are you continuing your exercises at home?” Jack, “Yeah.” Josh, “Good. You need to be walking around at home. Are you using your walker?” Jack, “Yes.” Josh, “You need to start using it all the time. It’s gonna be harder moving around with it at first, but once you start improving your coordination, it’ll be no problem.” Jack, “Okay." Josh claps him on the shoulder, “You’re doing good, man. See you Wednesday.”

Jack quietly goes into the council chamber, where David sits deep in discussion with his cabinet. He goes over to the railing at the top of the gallery. He rests his arms on it, and then rests his chin on his arms, watching intently. David, “Okay, what’s next on the agenda?” Asher reads, “Mental health care for AFG veterans.” David, “In the Elite interview, I talk a lot about my own mental health and how important taking care of it has been for me, by the time it comes out, I absolutely need to make sure that AFG veterans have full access to quality mental health care.” The minister of health, Miranda, says, “I have a good plan in place, but I need to go through it with military leaders and make sure it can be implemented.” David, “Excellent, when this meeting is over, You, Shay, and Caesar can stay and we’ll hammer out the details together,” he turns to Asher, “Anything else?” Asher, “Nope, that’s it.” David, “Sweet! Let’s get to work!” Everyone but Shay, Reinhardt, Miranda, and David gets up and leaves. David glances up at the gallery and spots Jack, “Jack! Hey!” Jack smiles at him, “Hey, babe.” Reinhardt rolls his eyes. David, “Hey, you should come join us, I think you’ll have some great ideas!” He pushes Jack towards the stairs, but then stops. They both stare down at the steps. David, “Shit. I guess I really need to prioritize making the council chamber accessible, huh? Do you think you could make it down the stairs if I help you?” Jack looks at the stairs warily, and then looks up at David, “Lunch.” David, “Oh, that’s right! Shit! I’m kind of busy.” Jack, “Okay.” David, “I’ll see you for dinner, though, okay?” Jack, “Yeah.” David leans down and kisses him on the cheek, “You go enjoy your lunch.”

In the kitchen, Jack and Michelle eat sandwiches. Michelle, “I got all my textbooks today. This afternoon, I’m taking Cameron on a tour of the campus. He already says he wants to go into trauma surgery, can you believe it? Most of my classmates still have no idea what they want to specialize in.” Jack, “Cool.” Rose enters, carrying a magazine. Michelle, “Hey, Mom.” Jack, “Hey.” Rose sits down next to them and lays the magazine out, “An advance copy of Elite came today. David looks very handsome.” Michelle, snidely, “Of course he fucking does.” Rose, “I say Silas looked better on his first Elite cover, but of course I’m biased.” Jack points at the picture of David, “Second. Second cover.” Rose, “Oh, I know.” Jack opens the magazine, and starts flipping pages. He lands on Michelle’s picture. Michelle, “Oh, I like that one.” Jack smiles and flips a few more pages to find his picture. In the image, he sits in profile, the emphasis on his scars, still visible through his hair. Jack tries to hide his displeasure. Rose, “It’s a very striking image.” Michelle, “Hey, I got something for the two of you.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out two photographs, “Wedding pictures. You two can put them wherever you like.” She hands one to Rose and one to Jack. Rose looks at hers, and says with a hint of shade, “Well, you two look very happy.” Michelle, “What?” Rose, “I just imagined your wedding would be a bit different is all.” Michelle, “Was this before or after I vowed to remain a virgin and never marry?” Rose, “I was just imagining things.” Michelle, “Hey, you and Dad got married on an army base while you were pregnant. You can’t complain about my wedding.” Rose, “I’m not complaining.” Jack stares down at his picture in Elite. Rose, “What’s wrong?” Jack doesn’t say anything. Rose, “Do you not like the picture?” Jack, “Scars.” He flips the pages, and finds the picture of him and David, small and embedded into a page of text. Michelle, “Hey, that’s a nice picture.” Jack, “Small.” Rose, “Don’t fret over it, Jack, there will be other magazines in the future.” Jack grimaces. Rose, “Whatever you do, just don’t complain about it to David. Your job is to support him, not add to his worries.” Michelle, “So Jack is supposed to just be some subservient wifey now?” Rose, “He doesn’t have to be subservient, but being the king’s spouse does have its own unique responsibilities.” Jack, “Not married.” Rose, “When you are. I speak from experience. The success of David’s kingship rests largely on you keeping him happy. You have to give him everything he wants, and know what he needs before he needs it. You have to lessen his burden, not increase it.” Michelle, bitterly, “That’s how Seth was kept from us for ten years.” Rose, “That was your father, not me.”

In the evening, Jack lays on David’s shoulder while they watch TV together. David plays with Jack’s hair, “I swear, your hair is growing back curly.” Jack smiles, “Just messy.” David, “No, it’s curly. I like it.” He kisses the top of Jack’s head, and then yawns deeply, “Shit, it’s been a long day.” Jack, “Tired?” David, “Yeah, I think I might go to bed. You want to join me, or watch TV for a little bit longer?” Jack, “Join you.” David gets up, and then helps Jack up. David, “Lemme get you your walker…” Jack, “No. Myself.” David, “Come on, don't be stubborn, you need the walker.” He goes to get it, but Jack takes a few shaky steps on his own. David grabs the walker and hurries over, “Jack!” Jack keeps going, and then stumbles. David lunges and catches him, “Don’t give yourself another head injury!” He tries to get the walker again, but Jack pushes it away. David, “Jack!” Jack keeps going, walking slowly and unsteadily on his own. David gives up and hovers close behind him. Jack stumbles again, and David grabs him. David helps him re-gin his balance, and slowly, they make their way into the bedroom.

Jack and Reinhardt sit in David’s office. Reinhardt, “All right, I had my secretary draw up a report for you, everything you need to be briefed on should be in there.” Jack looks through a stack of papers. Reinhardt, “Anyway, I am BUSY-” Jack cuts him off, “Wait.” Reinhardt, “What?” Jack knits his eyebrows, “Questions.” Reinhardt, “What questions?” Jack, points to a page and slowly reads, “Arming rebels in Gath,” he looks at Reinhardt. Reinhardt, “I just thought why are we sending our troops to fight Shaw when Gath is full of rebel groups willing to do it instead?” Jack, “Terrorists.” Reinhardt, “The AFG was considered a terrorist group until you all took over.” Jack, “No… Amalekite terrorists.” Reinhardt, “The Amalekites never operated in Gath.” Jack, “No.” Reinhardt, “I mean, they blew up that one bomb but it was only so David would escape, right? And anyway, all of our intelligence says that the Amalekites died with Alek Amal, so we don’t have to worry about them.” Jack, frustrated, “No.” Reinhardt, “What? Are you saying they’re still working?” Jack, “No.” Reinhardt, “Then what the hell are you saying?” Jack sighs. He points to the list of rebels in Gath, “Bad guys!” Reinhardt, “Bad guys who are on our side.” Jack, “Can’t.” Reinhardt, “Can’t what?” Jack, concentrating to say the words, “Help… bad guys!” Reinhardt sighs with annoyance, “Well, it’s just a proposal, not a plan. Besides, you always get David to do what you say.” His voice is full of insinuation. Jack glares at him, “Done?” Reinhardt, “Yes, I’m done. And I have other meetings to get to, so if you will please excuse me.” He gets up, and leaves. Jack watches him leave, and then leaves himself.

Reinhardt walks into David’s office, “You requested me?” David, “You briefed Jack this morning like I told you to, right?” Reinhardt, “I did.” David, “How did it go?” Reinhardt, “As well as could be expected. We had a few disagreements.” David, “Disagreements? I told you, Jack is still your authority, if he gives you orders, you have to follow them.” Reinhardt, “That’s just it. Jack is not exactly the best person for conversation.” David, “What the fuck are you saying?” Reinhardt, “I can’t follow his orders if I have no idea what the hell he’s trying to say to me.” David, “Okay, before this goes any further, do you seriously not understand what he’s trying to say, or are you just being an asshole?” Reinhardt, “I need clear orders so that I don’t get blamed when they go badly.” David, “So you’re just being an asshole.” Reinhardt, "Am I supposed to be buddies with Jack now?" David, “Don't ask like you can't understand him!” There’s a soft knock on the door. David, “Yes?" The door opens and a secretary enters, “Sir, Queen Rose is here to see you.” David, “I'll be there in just a moment.” Reinhardt, “Should I leave?” David, “We will deal with this later.” Reinhardt, “Well, I’ll see you later, then.” He gets up and leaves. As he exits the room, Rose enters. Rose, “What is it, David?” David pulls something up on his tablet and hands it to her, “This.” Rose takes it. On the screen is an OMGossip headline, “Prince Jack’s Struggle.” Rose, “Ah, Andrew.” David, “I have been clear from the beginning, Jack is off-limits! There’s personal information in there! They say that Jack has migraines and seizures!” Rose, “He does have migraines and seizures.” David, “How could they know that?!” Rose, “The palace has over 5,000 employees, and this doesn’t include the employees of the hospital and rehabilitation center. Any one of them could have been paid to say something.” David, “I want it looked into and anyone who talked fired.” Rose, “Tell Thomasina.” David, “This isn’t the first time OMGossip has published personal shit. They’re the ones who published the fucking sex tape!” Rose, “So what are you going to do about it, David? This is all factual information. Under your new declaration of rights, they’re perfectly free to do it. There’s nothing you can do.”  David, “The only way they could have gotten that sex tape was from Gath, this is an issue of national security!” Rose, “Then discuss it with Minister Reinhardt.” David sits back in his chair, slightly deflated, “Jack’s recovery is hard enough as it is. I don’t want anyone adding to it. Can you, like, talk to Andrew?” Rose, “Andrew learned from his father to resent anyone named Benjamin, and it’s a lesson he took to heart. The fact that Jack got CrossGen only makes it worse. He won’t listen to me. He won’t listen to anybody. And besides. This is hardly the worst thing Jack has had written about him.” David, “That’s beside the point!” Rose, “Right now, you have much, much bigger things to worry about. I have the outline of my Council testimony finished, and we’ll be meeting about it this afternoon. You need to figure out what you want to say.” David annoyed, “There’s nothing to say.” Rose, “That’s not good enough. I'll see you this afternoon.”

At speech therapy, Jack slowly reads out loud from a book. He pauses and rubs his eyes. His therapist, Zoe, say, “Hey, you’re doing good, keep going.” Jack, “Headache.” Zoe, “Ah, gee, that’s rough. You look tired, did you get much sleep last night?” Jack, “No.” Zoe, “Well, make sure you take a nap this afternoon and try to catch up. We gotta keep going, though, come on.” Jack begins reading again, but he goes slowly and struggles with the words. He squints with pain and rubs his head. He pauses again, blinking at the pages in front of him. Zoe, "Are you sure you don’t want some aspirin or something?” Jack winces and then suddenly vomits on the table. Zoe jumps to her feet, “Okay, let's take a break.” Jack wipes his mouth with embarrassment.

Outside the council chamber, David speaks in low, conspiratorial tones to Liam and Adam, “OMGossip published a story about Jack and I am not happy about it.” Liam, to Adam, “I told you man, I should have beat the shit out of that motherfucker when I had the chance!” David, “What?” Adam, quickly, “We saw Andrew Cross at Council. Nothing happened. Don’t worry about it.” David, “Sine being in touch with the press is you guys’ job, I want you to pay attention. Ask around. where's OMGossip getting its sources? Is it someone inside the palace or from somewhere else?” Liam, “You want me to deal with it when I find out?” David, “What? No! No, don’t do anything stupid. If you find any information whatsoever, tell me immediately, don’t do anything else. With the declaration of rights, I’m not supposed to be doing anything to interfere with the press, and… Look, I don’t give a fuck what anyone says about me, but I want Jack to be left alone during his recovery, got it?” Liam, “Got it.” Adam knits his eyebrows in concern. David, “Adam?” Adam, “Yeah, I guess. I… are you sure we won’t be breaking the law or anything?” David, “Hey, I’m the king, the law is whatever I say it is.” Behind them, Thomasina steps out of the council chamber, “Your majesty, we’re waiting for you.” David glances back at her, “Okay, just gimme a second.” He turns back to Liam and Adam, “Just keep your eyes open, and whatever happens, I’ve got you guys covered. Come on.” He goes into the council chamber.

In the chamber, David sits at the table with Rose, Thomasina, Joel, Abby, Asher, and a host of other advisors. Liam and Adam find a place in the gallery. Abby begins talking, “Confirmation Council is largely symbolic, in the end, David is still king of Gilboa, no matter what, but it serves the very important purpose of setting a clear narrative on what happened during the coup, and establishing why David is king. Everyone directly involved with the coup is expected to testify.” Adam diligently takes notes. Rose, “Honesty is going to be our best course of action, since we have nothing to hide, and David has built himself an image of being somewhat unflinchingly honest.” An aide discreetly enters the chamber and goes up to David, "Sir, Prince Jack has cancelled his afternoon speech therapy for today.” David, "What? Why? What happened?” Aide, “He has a migraine.” David, "Where is he now?” Aide, “He’s in bed.” David. “Shit.” He stands up, “I have to go." Abby, “David this is very important." David, "I have to go be with Jack." Abby, “David, this is when you tell everyone why you're king!” David, “I've done that already! I’ve done it like five times! If someone doesn't understand by now, that's their fault. Figure out what I need to say, and I’ll say it.” Abby, “Some of it should come from you.” David, “Then we’ll reschedule! I have to go!” Adam watches him as he hurries out.

Jack lays in bed in a darkened room, eyes shut tight with pain. The door opens, and Jack winces at the beam of light that enters the room. David steps in and says softly, “Hey, are you okay?” Jack moans. David loosens his tie and takes his jacket off. He gets into bed beside Jack and puts his arms around him. Jack, “Work.” David, “Don’t worry about that.” Jack, “No.” David, “I want to be with you.” In too much pain to protest, Jack curls up close against David, and David gently strokes his hair, “I'm not going anywhere.”

David goes into Vesper’s cell and sits down. David, “Can I talk to you?” Vesper, “I have nothing better to be doing.” David sighs heavily, “I don’t get it… you murdered your wife.” Vesper, “Yes, I did.” David, “You turned your army on your own people. You murdered thousands, maybe millions of innocent people, and you murdered the person who loved and supported you and was the mother of your children… but when I talk to you, you seem pretty decent. You’re not like Silas or Warner. You don’t seem like the kind of person who would do what you did.” Vesper, “I know what you’re trying to ask, and I’m afraid it’s a question best left to the scholars- Why did Vesper Abbadon go absolutely batshit insane? Anyone else’s guess is as good as mine.” David, “Is that what you’d tell your kids?” Vesper, “Perhaps I’d try to give them something better, but… I’ve tried to explain it to myself countless times over the years. Every time I think I’m close to some sort of rationalization or explanation, I see how wrong it is, and I’m once again left with no answers. Evil is like that. Sometimes, it just exists with no why.” David makes a face. Vesper, “What other answers are you looking for?” David, hesitant, “Is there something wrong with the fact that… I actually kind of enjoy being king? I’m helping people! I’m getting stuff done! That… that feels really good. And it’s really scary to have that power. I don’t want to end up like Silas… or like you. I’ve already done a lot of things I regret, from before I was ever even king.” Vesper, “You know your own faults, and you’ve learned from your mistakes. You’re already doing better than I did.” David, “I thought for sure, I’d hate being king, but, I’d do it because doing the right thing is hard. I thought as long as I had Jack with me, I’d be okay. But instead, the work’s making me happy, and Jack…” he grows quiet, “Jack isn’t happy. And I don’t know how to make him happy.” He shoots Vesper a dirty look, “I know what you did to gay people, so I don’t know why I’m telling you.” Vesper, “You’re seeking a connection with someone who understands what you’re going through.” David, “Laura knows, she’s given me plenty of advice.” Vesper, “But she’s a busy queen with her own life and her own problems. I, one the other hand, am a captive audience. I have no right to judge you, and I won’t share your secrets.” David, “Yeah, I guess.” Vesper, “You care about Jack, right?” David, “He’s the most important thing in the world to me.” Vesper, “Then don’t ignore his unhappiness, or pretend it doesn’t exist.” David, “I don’t know how to make him happy! That’s the worst thing about being king- I can solve everyone’s problems except for the one person I care about the most!” Vesper, “I don’t have an answer for you, David, but I think you may have one for yourself.”

Hobbling slowly on his walker, Jack gets into the finished elevator in the apartment, presses the button, and goes up to the second floor. He gets out of the elevator, goes over to the stairs, and looks down them. He thinks for a moment, and then stands up. He puts the walker to the side. He clutches the railing, and carefully, slowly, lowers himself down the first step. With slightly more confidence, he goes down the second step, and then third. On the fourth, he stumbles, and falls violently down the flight of stairs. He grimaces painfully and sits up, rubbing his shoulder. He looks around for something to help him stand up, but it’s all out of reach. Panic washes over his face, but he takes a deep, determined breath, and tries to get up. He rises a few feet, but then stumbles over and is once again on the ground. He tries to get up, again, but falls. Panting, he tries once more, and almost makes it, but loses his balance. He lies on his back, teeth gritted, breathing deeply, seething. He lets out a scream of rage, and pounds his fists and feet on the floor. When his anger is spent, he breaks down and sobs with frustration. The door opens, and David enters. He sees Jack lying at the foot of the stairs, and runs to him, “Jack?!” He kneels down beside him, “Jack?! Are you okay? Did you hit your head?” Jack, muttering, “I’m fine.” David, “What happened? Did you have a seizure?” Jack, “No. I fell.” David helps him sit up, “Do you feel okay? You aren’t dizzy or anything, are you?” Jack, “No.” He feels his head, “Did you dent your plates?” Jack grabs his hand and throws it away from him, resentful. David looks up at the walker at the top of the stairs, “Did… did you try to go down the stairs by yourself?” Jack, “Yes.” David, dismayed, “Jack, you aren’t even doing that in therapy!” Jack gives him a resentful look. David, “Are you okay?” Jack, somewhat defeated, “Yeah.” David touches his forehead, “You’ve got a bruise.” Jack turns his face away from David’s hand. David lowers it and sits quietly for a moment, “I know you’re not happy. I know you’re in a really difficult position, and…” he drifts off, “I don’t know what I can do to make it better for you.” Jack puts his hands over David’s, “You… be with you.” David, “Is that what you want?” Jack, “Yes.” David thinks for a moment, “All right. I should’ve had some time with you, anyway. Do you… want to get married?” Jack smiles a little bit, “Yes.” David smiles back, “Then we should do that. Take a couple weeks for a honeymoon. Finally take some time to be together. Does that sound good?” Jack smiles, “Yeah.” David, “Okay. We’ll do that.” He thinks for a long moment, and then smiles sadly, “I never really thought much about how I'd ask you to marry me, but I always figured it'd be a lot more romantic than this." Jack leans forward and puts his head on David’s shoulder. David puts his arms around him, “You're still what matters most to me.”