#and how many times has she used being from texas as an excuse

[booasaur]

NCIS: Hawai’i - 2x01

[usereddie]

hi bia, I want to know your opinion re eddie cheating and latino culture/catholicism. I feel like in many ways a man cheating is something so normal in latin families (idk how this applies for latin people in the us but it's definitely a thing when living in latin america) and that's something that doesn't cause as much struggle with catholicism and "sin", as being queer does. I find it interesting how of course there's a loss that eddie thinks may happen if he cuts that last link to his religion connected to latino culture by coming out/coming to terms with his sexuality, that just doesn't seem to happen with other "sins"... idk if you've watched Brooklyn 99, but in there there's a Latina that comes out as bi to her parents and in the scene they basically tell her they'd rather she was dating someone married than admit that she was queer, and I feel like that's it, even tho I'm not sure eddie is aware of, he's falling into this (i believe) specific latino man stereotype where it's okay to do a lot of bad things, things maybe not accepted by the religion but unfortunately accepted by the culture, as long as you DON'T do the worst thing ever, which is being queer... idk if this makes sense lol, maybe it's not a thing lol, you dont have to post it I just dont have any other latino people i follow that may understand it, sorry

god, yeah, it's totally a thing. i grew up in texas but i was born and now live in latin america and this is so, so true. there are sins men are allowed to commit in latino communities because the sins are still "masculine". cheating on your girlfriend (they're not even married) is nothing. who cares. it still aligns with the misogyny that runs so rampant in latino culture. eddie sleeps with multiple women even though he has a girlfriend? oh, she wasn't enough him. she wasn't doing her job to keep him satisfied. it's a moral failing on her part, not his. and eddie's not that kind of guy, we know that, but this is all he learned growing up. it's very, very easy to fall back on the excuses you've heard a dozen times even when you know it's cruel. eddie dates two women at once and doesn't tell either of them? he's a firefighter, he's a single father, his life is stressful enough. let him have two women so when one gets high maintenance and irritating he can go to the other.

this is real! this is so real! it's so fucked up!

eddie breaks up with both marisol and not-shannon and gets with buck, though?

that'd be a problem. i have no doubt in mind eddie grew up hearing gay as an insult and faggot thrown around casually because homophobia is casual, not only in latino communities, but in the american south in general. he saw the way men who cheated would show up to mass with their wife against their side. her eyes were always so heartbroken, but that's something he's allowed. it's his right as a man. how can you fault his nature?

queerness is wrong, though. it's an abomination. you can't even confess to your sins because the church won't let you inside anymore. eddie can feel guilty for cheating on marisol all he wants, but guilt over something he's allowed is still better than bone deep shame over something he has not control over being.

and eddie's gonna hate himself for it! he's done so much to unlearn the worst parts of machismo, the parts that hurt him the most as a child, but god is it easy to fall back on when you need an excuse. his dad was absent most of his life growing up, but that's okay because he was providing. men don't sin for no reason. their wife isn't enough, they need to provide for their kids, their kids are a little too queer and need fixing. a heavy hand is better than an eternity in hell.

it's so complex. it's such a complicated relationship with himself, with religion, with being latino. god can judge him but how will he handle the judgment from his family. the church can hate him all they want but how is he supposed to handle the side eyes and whispers when he shows up to his high school friend's wedding and there's no plus one because it's either show up single or show up with a man.

men are allowed sin. men are allowed moral failing.

men are not allowed queerness.

and as much as eddie has been doing so much good work to unlearn that, the nasty, nails in your skin part of growing up latino are just as impossible to shed as the skin that covers your bones.

(also, yes, i did watch b99 and i remember that!)

[valstranquility]

AMIGAS Y CHISME PODCAST

pairing: rutger mcgroarty x cami flores

notes: WELCOME TO MY NEW AU! pls do not think about the timeline of things described in this!! I am aware it might not make sense!! like always, please excuse any errors or inaccuracies.

cami & rut

Cami was in Los Angeles for the week which meant meeting up and working with all of her internet friends. She was most excited to meet with her friend Angie, who had her podcast, Amigas y Chisme, and wanted to record an episode with her. Cami loved talking to all who would listen to her, so agreeing to go on the podcast was an easy yes. 

-

“Hi, guys! Welcome or welcome back to Amigas y Chisme! I’m Angie and today I’m joined by a special guest, the amazing, talented Camila Sofia Flores,” Angie says with excitement. 

“Oh, full name. Wow,” Cami says laughing. “Hi, guys! This has been a long time coming.”

“I know! You’ve gotta come out to L.A. more often.”

“Girl, I’ve got school. I think you forgot we didn’t all drop everything to move to the City of Angels,” she says, slightly mocking Angie. 

“Bitch,” Angie responds, not taking offense at all. “But speaking of school, how is that? I barely graduated high school so I have no idea what college life is like.”

“Well, for those who don’t know, I’m a film major at the University of Michigan. But yeah, so far it’s been really good. I feel like I’m thriving over there.”

“Yeah, I wanted to bring that up. Why Michigan? I know you’re from Texas, so why not stay close to home? Cause I know Santi, your older brother, stayed in Texas.”

“Michigan wasn’t even on my radar if I’m being honest. But then I saw a clip of their gymnastics team and was like ‘Oh. I didn’t know they had all this.’ So I checked them out and eventually fell in love.

“And I knew that moving so far away would give me an independence that I never would have gotten if I stayed in Texas. It would've been like a fresh start. But I wasn’t completely alone. Lina, my bestest friend ever, is also at Michigan, we’re doing gymnastics together. I wouldn’t have been so confident in moving to Michigan if it weren’t for her.”

“Oh my god. I was also gonna bring up your whole gymnastics thing. How did that become your sport? I feel like I’m asking you all the things I should have asked you when we first became friends,” Angie says laughing. 

“My mom put me in gymnastics when I was like 3 or 4. I was just a kid who was always tumbling and doing little flips on the couch so she looked up a gym near us. But I also started soccer when I was like 7, so I was just doing both and I loved it. But my gymnastics coach said I could have a lot of potential if I really put all my time and energy into it, so my mom made the choice to take me off my little youth soccer team and took me to a bigger, more serious gymnastics training center.”

“Oh, wow. I had no idea you started that young,” Angie says.

“Yeah, that coach told my mom that because I had an early start I could grow up to be good.”

“And it sure did. I have this list of your accomplishments that I will now be reading,” she says, clearing her throat. Cami starts laughing and covering her face, growing slightly red. “You were a three-time regional beam champion and a two-time regional floor champion. You were the regional champion on the vault and in the all-around. You won the state championship on the vault, beam, and floor twice.

“Now I don’t know what any of that means but I said the word champion a couple of times, so I know you’re good. Girl, you should be in the Olympics.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’m that good. Even if I was, I don’t think I’d be able to handle that pressure.”

“Hmm, I think your mom would disagree,” Angie says laughing. 

“Stop. Have you been talking to my mom? Dude I swear she thinks I’m the best gymnast in the world,” Cami replies. “I don’t know how she had time to come to many of my meets. All her other kids are in sports too.”

“That’s where I think your mom went right. Like I wish my mom put me in a sport when I was little. Maybe then I’d actually be doing something with my life,” Angie jokes.

“No, stop. Don’t even say that. I’m technically doing the same thing as you.” “And how did your mom react to that? Did you like ask her before you started posting or let her find out after?”

“Um, I definitely let her find out after I already posted a couple of videos,” Cami says laughing. “But it was very early on like I only had a couple thousand subscribers at the time and I was still in high school. She was very against it at the start. She was worried about my safety and was bringing up like every worst-case scenario. But I eventually got her to chill out and now she loves it. She loves being in the videos and even has her own TikTok now.”

“I see her videos all the time and I eat them up every single time. How did the rest of your family react?”

“My dad never really cared. Well, it wasn’t like he didn’t care, he just wasn’t as against it as my mom was. My dad’s always been that way, ‘As long as you’re safe and happy, I’m happy.’ Um, Santi didn’t care at the start but now he’s always like ‘I’m never in the videos anymore, my fans miss me.’ I always assure him that absolutely no one is missing him. And then the rest of my siblings were like ‘Okay?’ They didn’t care and weren’t interested in being in the videos at first. Except Cely. She’s always wanted to be in the videos, so I’m always taking her places with me.”

-

After reading the sponsors, Angie wants to find out more about Cami’s life in Michigan.

“So, as you know, I am all about the Chisme. I mean I created a whole podcast just so I can have an outlet for it. I am now going to ask you some questions and the goal of these questions is to try and get all the chisme out of you. Some are easy to answer and some might be more personal. Are you ready?”

“Damn, ok. Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Okay, first question. Are you in a relationship?” she asks with a smirk, already knowing the answer. 

“Yes, I am,” Cami responds, already growing red.

“Please, tell us more. What’s his name? How did you meet? How did you get together? What’s he like? Please tell us all the details,” Angie says enthusiastically. 

“You’re so annoying,” she replies laughing. “But, since you wanted to know so bad. His name is Rutger. [i made this next part up, don’t read too much into it :)] Um, we met on a random college tour. We were in different groups and passed by each other several times. We just walked past, gave each other a little smile but that was it. But then we ran into each other again in a dining hall. I got a closer look at him and thought he was cute but I was like whatever. I was with my mom and my sister and they went to get food so I was alone at a table. I was on my phone texting Lina cause she was going on the same tour later in the month. 

“I remember I had just sent her a text when someone approached me and said hi. Surprise, surprise; it was Rut. I could tell he was nervous cause he kept messing with his hair and kept looking back at his table of friends. I was like ‘Hi?’ and he jumped straight into the small talk and asked me what I thought of the school. I remember we talked for a little bit and then suddenly he was like ‘I’m Rutger by the way.’ I introduced myself and he asked for my Insta. Now, I was a little hesitant to give it to him, cause I only had one account and it was the one connected to my YouTube. So he was gonna be able to see that I was verified and had all these followers and for some reason that was so embarrassing to me. But I sucked it up and gave it to him. We followed each other and then he said he had to go. And that was it.”

“Aww, that’s kinda cute,” Angie comments. “What did he think of your Instagram and YouTube?”

“He told me that he liked that I had it because it allowed him to learn more about me and my personality.”

��So how did you two get together?” “Well, he DM’d me the next day. And then from there, we talked like every day. We didn’t meet up again until a couple of months later during my spring break. He flew to Texas and asked me to be his girlfriend. He met my entire family, but he wasn’t nervous at all.” “Wait he flew to Texas, solely to ask you to be his girlfriend? Cami that is so fucking cute.”

“Well, yeah,” Cami says laughing. “He kept saying he wanted to see me again, so I told him to come. But when he got to Texas my parents were like ‘If you go out, take one of the kids with you.’” “So they wanted you guys to have a chaperone?”

“Yeah, kind of. We always took Emily cause she was too young to care.”

“Aww, love her. She’s the cutest thing ever. Okay, next question. What does a typical day in your life look like?”

“Ooh. Um, it’s different every day. I’m a morning person so I gladly wake up at 6:30. I wake up and then I usually go to the gym. It’s either the gym or Pilates. I’ve been going to Pilates for a long time now. Um, then I go back home and get some work done before practice. Practice is usually in the morning. My classes are usually in the afternoon or the evening. So I have the rest of the time to relax and hang out with friends and Rutger,” she adds with a cheeky smile. 

“Okay, all I got from that is that I could never be an athlete. I hate working out.”

“Oh, not me. It just makes me feel really good. And it gives me something to do,” Cami adds with a laugh. 

“Okay, this last question is unrelated to your life in Michigan, but more for my own curiosity. Who is your favorite sibling?”

“Now why would you ask me that?” she asks after a moment of silence.

“Hey, now. Don’t go questioning my interview skills. Answer the question,” she says with a smirk.

“Ugh, whatever. I don’t have one favorite, I have two: Gabi and Cely. But it’s okay cause Chente is Santi’s favorite and Emily is the youngest so she’s my parents’ favorite.” “Okay, I expected Cely cause obviously, but Gabi too? Really? Wow.” “Yeah. You would expect him to be like ‘I’m too cool for you now’ but he was never like that. He still likes going out with me on random errands. And Cely’s always been like that. They’re both my little buddies.”

“Oh wow. And that concludes this portion of our video. Everyone give it up for Cami. Whoo!” she says, clapping. “Before we go, we have to do something very important. As you know, you guys can call in and leave messages for us to listen to and we asked you guys to ask Cami for any advice you think she could give you. Let’s play the first message!”

A recording starts playing: “Hi Angie! Hi Cami! My name is Brisa and I’m a huge fan of you guys, I’ve been watching you for years. The thing I need advice from Cami on is how to convince my Mexican parents to let me go to college out of state. I live in Idaho but my dream school is Stanford. I know you moved from home to go to college and I was wondering how you went about it. At this point, anything helps. Thanks, love you guys!”

“Hi Brisa! What I did was I convinced one parent at a time. I knew my dad would be more open to the idea, so I tried convincing him first because then I already had someone on my side when I talked to my mom. I say pick your battles. Do your research. Have a plan for every little thing because most of the time they will question everything. But I also think I wasn’t like most cases. I went up to my mom and said ‘Look, you’re the one that signed me up for gymnastics and you’re the one that wanted me to be the best. Michigan is going to help me succeed.’ Also, tell your parents that Stanford is a stone's throw away from Idaho. Tell them it could be worse, California is closer than, like, New York or something.” “Okay, so what I got from that is guilt trip your parents,” Angie jokes.

“I mean if that’s what it takes,” Cami says, shrugging.

“Thank you, Brisa for submitting a message! Let’s play the second one.” The second recording starts playing: “Oh my god! Hi, amigas! I’m such a big fan of both of you. I’m Jackie and I am looking for relationship advice. My boyfriend and I are going through a rough patch right now and I guess I just wanted to ask how you and your boyfriend find time for each other and keep the relationship steady. We’re both really busy with school and he’s an athlete so we were considering if taking a break was the best thing right now. Any advice helps! Thanks, amigas, love you. Bye!”

“Hi, Jackie! I’m sorry you guys are going through that right now. First of all, I know everyone says this but it’s true, communicate. You guys need to be able to communicate how you’re feeling to each other without any judgment. I know how busy both your schedules can get but try your best to carve out that time to spend with each other. Show your support to each other. He needs to make sure that he’s showing you he cares about you and what you’re going through and you have to do the same to him. But I think taking a break can be healthy if it's done right. As long as you communicate and set your boundaries, you don’t have to be scared of taking a break. It shows your maturity as a couple that you recognized that maybe a little separation can do you some good. I hope you both figure this out and come out of this stronger than ever,” Cami finishes, throwing out a little heart to the camera. 

“Thank you so much Brisa and Jackie for sending your messages. I hope Cami was able to help you guys out. But that is all we have for you today. Cami, thank you so much for joining me today. It was so much fun and I can’t wait for you to be back again.” “Thank you for having me! Next time you have to come to Michigan.” “Yeah, we’ll see about that,” she jokes. “Ok guys, I’ll see you next week. Go subscribe and follow all of Cami’s socials. I love you guys, bye!”

“Bye guys,” Cami says, giving the camera a wave. 

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Molly Sprayregen at LGBTQ Nation:

In an effort to promote her anti-trans “Protect Children’s Innocence Act,” Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) hurled insults at a mother who has spent years fighting for the right to affirm her trans daughter’s identity. Greene reposted an article from the far-right Dallas Express News — a publication the Texas Observer has described as a “‘pink slime’ media site that launders conservative propaganda” — that claimed Anne Georgulas could soon gain the right to “castrate” her daughter without her ex-husband Jeff Younger’s permission “because she believes her son is transgender.” Greene posted in response that her bill would “stop this evil mentally ill mother from castrating her son.”

“Over 70% of Americans agree with my bill. There’s no excuse as to why my bill has not moved,” Greene added. She did not share where the 70 percent stat came from. The story in the Dallas Express News is about well-known anti-trans activist Jeff Younger — who has been engaged in years of legal battles with Georgulas over how to raise their trans daughter, Luna, whom he consistently misgenders and deadnames. [...] According to the Dallas Express, Georgulas has since moved with her two children to California, where she will have a hearing on April 25 likely regarding access to best-practice gender-affirming care for Luna based on her age, though the far-right publication claims Georgulas is seeking permission to “castrate” her. (Trans youth almost never undergo gender-affirming surgery). In 2022, California Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) signed a bill protecting transgender youth and their families fleeing prosecution from states that criminalize gender-affirming care, making the state a sanctuary for trans kids and their families.

[...] Luna’s story has been used by the conservative media over the years to promote the idea that children are being forced by parents to transition medically. The claim that Younger is trying to “save” his child from hormones and surgery, unlikely treatments for a child her age, continues to be perpetuated. Greene’s “Protect Children’s Innocence Act” would make it a Class C felony to provide gender-affirming care to trans minors, make it more difficult for trans adults to access gender-affirming care by banning some health care programs from covering it, and ban medical schools from teaching about gender-affirming care.

In November, Greene lied during testimony in the House when she claimed that there are “many young people that made the tragic mistakes of having mastectomies, having castrations done to them, having genital mutilation surgeries when they were still in their early, uh, teens, um, maybe even before they were teenagers.” As stated above, genital gender-affirming surgery is not performed on minors in the U.S., much less on prepubescent children. Some older teens can sometimes get mastectomies if they meet stringent requirements, but that’s rare. Gender-affirming care for pre-pubescent children involves allowing them to wear the kinds of clothes that they want, calling them by a name and pronouns that affirm their gender identities, and generally supporting their self-expression. Puberty blockers — which have been shown to reduce lifelong suicide risk among trans people — are prescribed after the onset of puberty, and hormone replacement therapy is an option for some trans teens who are a bit older.

Vile anti-trans bigot Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) continues her campaign for her transphobic "Protect Children’s Innocence Act", this time by attacking Anne Georgulas for raising her trans daughter Luna Younger, who has since moved to California to protect her daughter from her anti-trans father Jeffrey.

[dio-the-thot-exterminator]

I feel so weird and like I'm doing something wrong?? My Boss manager always being so passive aggressive to me or maybe I'm just not used to ppl being so stupid.

She's like "you NEED to be selling the credit cards more. You know we base your scheduling on how many credit card u sell and if you don't have high numbers then when I start hiring new people..."

HIRING WHO?????? HIRING WHOO???? Id like to see all the people you’re hiring hmm? Where? You can barely keep ur own managers from constantly calling out of work. So ur forced to do 60 hr work weeks every month. I know u ain't talking to me And the other two associates always call out or don't show up so I have to come and cover for them…I KNOW YOU AIN'T TALKING TO ME!??!??!?!?

"Your job is to sell the stuff at the counter and credit cards" ok then why am I sweeping the floors and cleaning the bathrooms and wiping the mirrors and pricing merch and tagging and taking out the trash and dusting and packaging online orders etc?

She like "even tho ur just an associate u NEED to be reading the emails everyday" girl how is knowing what the stores over n Texas and Florida make gon help me 💀 She acts like she got hella people on stand by bitch u dont she tryna lecture telling me I need to do more... All you do is talk on the phone and ask ppl to join ur church.

She be in the corner somewhere on the phone and the customers are like "um...excuse me?" And she ignored them so I gotta help them. Even tho she tasked me with scanning all the fucking items in the store!!

And she literally told me "u need to pay attention more to the customers YOU'RE NOT HERE TO COMPLETE TASKS!!!" AHHHHHHUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH what do you mean???????? Wtf am i here for then??

I'm bout to snap on her fr maybe I'm too combative… she got me pushing around this chart.

She was like complaining "uh make sure you fix that bcuz y'all like to leave it a mess 😒" And I was bout to say "bitch who tf is y'all??????" I KNOW how you are and I know you complain about every lil thing, so whenever i'm pushing that chart around it be looking neat and tidy and I put it back like that too. 

I'm da best employee she has!!! My other managers Jays and Red were literally like “ugh we were so lucky to have found you” and the other day a customer had came back into the store to tell my manager Red what a good job i did helping her find what she needs and being accommodating…The other associates dont do shit.

The college girl who barely works saw a box all messed up, she tried to quickly close the top (didn't work) and then she just walked away. I was like "um aren't u gon fix that?" And she was like "oh yeah right" Like??? And all she does is stand behind da counter. The store be a mess and she be standing.

The phone guy just be on his phone and he be chilling in da back. I know u are not on my case. when u let a whole ass employee stay in the break room his entire shift 💀.

I feel like she get someone sort of power trip off it and she just needs someone to terrorize and she choose me because I'm always there 🥲 (this is the reward i get for being a real ass employee??) 

Boss manager was like "I'm going to start quizzing you guys on what was in the manual  bcuz y'all act like talk forgot, you NEED to be following them!!" Girl still on shit from da "training" videos. Shit she don't even follow…

Yesterday she was like, “go reprice the entire clearance section, make sure you don't leave the chart out!!! Every Time someone walks in the store, put the chart back and greet them!!! (she's standing next to the entrance doing nothing) Well this NEEDS to be done before your shift ends so get it together hurry up!!! And you can actually leave the chart out when u need to ring someone up on the register (she is one the phone and didn't notice someone standing there) OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT GUY NEEDS HELP!!! HELP HIM!!! GOOOO!!! AND TAKE THE CHART WITH YOU!!!!! OMG OMG STOP STOP LEAVE THE CHART HELP THAT GUY NOWW UGHHHHHHH!!!!!" and she is...standing there doing nothing...he walked up to her first bcuz she was closer…

Its so awkward asking someone to apply for the credit card, bcuz the boss manager expects you to harass every customer (she literally follows them around the store and asking them repeatedly to sign up i counted once…she asked one person 7 times) AND it's not even only the credit card, it's everything in the damn store. AND she only wanted 1 person on the register even when its rlly busy, trying to sell everything in the store…. (you guys only 2 people are allowed in the ENTIRE STORE one associate and one manager bcuz the company wants to be cheap)

It's like the customer places whatever they’re buying down and I have to say “hey this thing is buy one get on half if you're interested, and we have this item on sale, also if you wanted any of these items they’re behind you. Do you want any of this? I can show you the different ones we sell. And we have this too. I can help you pick out the one you need. We also have a credit card, if you want, you'll earn coupons and get a discount off today's purchase :D"

And she wants us, to say that, TO EVERY SINGLE CUSTOMER!! Everyone…

So it gets so awkward asking, especially if they are just buying like one little item. And to make things worse she's so nitpicky about everything like I was asking if they wanted to join our rewards and she was like "ugh if you ask it like that of course they're gonna say no!!!" And then she...didn't give me a way I should ask them…

I just nod and say "okay" whenever she starts ranting. She just get on my nerves a lot but that's also bcuz ima hater. Idk i feel like i do everything correctly and efficiently so idk why my managers are always attacking or complaining about me. 

Can I pleaseeeee have a job where I only need to complete tasks??? Where are those jobs?? Someone point me in the right direction

[thatawkwardmoth]

Part 3 of The Last Of Us headcanons (normal au)

Ellie is not allowed over at the neighbors. She can't act nice and sweet like Sarah barely can. Joel learned this the hard way.

Both girls have a quota they want to fulfill of how many times they make Joel laugh or smile. Has to be at least five times.

Joel is that dad that buys shit in bulk if one of his girls even slightly mentioned that they like it. Ellie used to only drink Cherry Kool-aid Jammers, all summer, it was all he could get her to drink. He still has five boxes in the Garage. Sarah religiously only ate Cinnamon Bagels and he still buys them for breakfast even after five years.

Ellie and Sarah evenly split shotgun. They do not share with Tommy though.

When Ellie came out to Sarah and Joel, both of them were shocked by how hostile she sounded with tears in her eyes and shaking like a leaf.

Joel makes every Christmas the best. He's not big on spending a little at any time of the year but he's definitely saving up more through the holiday months.

Ellie's favorite holiday is Halloween and Sarah's is Christmas. This is their excuse to put Joel through the Nightmare Before Christmas twice in a year.

Ellie will sing the best version of Jack's lament and Sarah will hit every note in Sally's song perfectly.

Ellie likes old Westerns but her favorite genre is horror.

Sarah's favorite is romance or historical dramas.

Sarah was never an IPad kid, she was constantly outside with Joel and Tommy, raised in the Texas sun.

Ellie, on the other hand, grew up in a cramped Boston apartment and sat in front of a TV for hours on end to distract herself from the hunger pains and the loneliness creeping into her bones. Nothing changed when they moved either. Mom was still gone all the time, sick when she was home. All that changed was the small apartment was in Texas, closer to some hospital.

Ellie has to have some electronic in her hand at all times if the car ride goes past three hours. She can't nap every ride away.

Joel bought Ellie her first pride flag and when someone in the Neighborhood said something about it, he placed one right next to the American flag in his yard.

Ellie simps over every cheerleader and it's Sarah's greatest pleasure to take photo and video and blackmail her.

Sarah played soccer for a rec team up until her first year of High School. She got tired of everyone, except her family, making it all about her future and less about the fun she had playing.

She now only plays when it's family dinner and Kevin and Tommy are up against her and Joel. Maria is sitting off to the side with the baby and Ellie is being the worst Ref.

When Ellie gets sick, like really sick, she only wants to watch Strawberry Shortcake and she'll call out for her mom all night long. Sarah curls up with her and Joel lays a sleeping bag out in the hallway just in case one of them needs him.

Sarah was a wandering kid. Not enough to be leashed, just enough to give Joel eyes in the back of his head and heart attacks on the daily.

Ellie has the biggest issue with some of the guys Joel works with. When she's helping on site, they'll make little remarks about little girls and not being fit for the job. Joel just waits for Ellie to snap and then he'll handle the aftermath.

Sarah and Ellie are both Taylor Swift stans. Sarah is Lover-Speak Now-Debut, Ellie is Evermore-Reputation-1989.

Sarah owned a pair of glittery pink cowgirl boots when she was a toddler and Joel cringes at every photo of her with them. They were horrible to put on and they broke ten days after she got them but she loved them so much, Joel bought her another pair.

Ellie has a nerf gun she keeps next to her bed to shoot anyone who doesn't abide by the rule list in the kitchen. Number 4: Ellie's room is off limits unless invited in (barring the exceptions listed at the bottom)

Joel made the rule list purely for Tommy and Maria, they're nice and they're family but sometimes they treat Ellie like she's feral and Sarah like she's an infant, stepping over every boundary.

Ellie has stabbed Joel before. There was only one time they don't regret. Man never should've snuck up on her while hunting and she stands by that.

Ellie loves basketball more than anything. It's her last piece of Riley.

Joel suffers no embarrassment buying things like pads and tampons. Even if he has to buy two different types, he'll never complain.

Sarah is a big Harry Potter stan. Can't stand the author but loved the books and movies and plays to the death.

Ellie, on the other hand, pure Percy Jackson. Constantly taking tests on who her godly parent would be and what type of quest she'd get.

When Ellie told Joel she was fine with any pronouns, Joel straight up at the next dinner was like "Ellie wants you to pass the potatoes Tommy. Listen to him or they can stab you."

Right off the bat, no qualms against it. Made Ellie cry into Sarah's bedsheets that night.

Everyone always acts like Sarah and Ellie are polar opposites, that they couldn't be more different. Joel prides himself on being the one who knows that's false.

Joel has a trophy case the living room, full of Sarah's soccer trophies, Ellie's basketball ones, every certificate and award ever given to them on display.

Proud dad #1.

Sarah and Ellie know that mother's day is a sore subject for them both so they both tease Joel and get him "Best mom ever" shit and watches him cringe and pretend to hate them. But at night time, when they're all curled up on the couch, he hears the soft confession from both about how he's doing great. They don't need mom, he's got this covered.

Father's day is always a giant spectacle with them.

Joel doesn't shame any parents, he can't because he had Sarah young as hell. But when he walks into a doctor's office and sees parents there that don't know anything about their kids, it makes him sick.

He can tell the people at said doctors office everything about his girls medical background without even hesitating. He knows their birthdays and middle names and everything.

Ellie is the main one he takes to the doctor. She hates it though so he always make sure to pack a "Diaper Bag" for her. Blanket from her mom that she loves, headphones, giraffe plush, etc. Even if she thinks it's to childish, he can see the fear in her eyes when they enter. The smell brings her right back to where she lost her mom.

Sarah wants to be a nurse when she grows up. Tommy and Joel are supportive but wondering how bedside manner is going to work with that sassy little shit.

Both girls will take as many pot shots as they want at Joel's age.

Sarah and Ellie love leaving flowers in Joel's hair.

A lot happened to Ellie the first few years of her life and it still haunts her. Joel holds nothing against her and will accept the feral look in their eyes and the new bruises he gets when she gets a flashback. As long as she's still fighting.

Ellie's tiktok is full of random jokes and skits. Teaching ASL to people alongside Sam. Some of them are about what she went through and he gives no fucks about what anyone thinks. Joel said it was OK, and that's the only opinion that matters to her.

Sarah's tiktok is all dances and photo trends. Her and Ellie love pulling prank videos on Kevin and Joel and Tess.

Tess once had a pregnancy scare and Joel was excited to be a dad again. When it was revealed she wasn't pregnant, just stress making her miss her period, they both sat down and talked it out.

Tess told Ellie a few months after that, while hiking with her and Sarah, that had the baby been a boy, she would've fought Joel hard as shit to name it Texas. Ellie loved the name and the meaning behind it and is now rooting for another sibling even harder.

Sarah's favorite inside joke with Ellie is to call her by any name that can be shortened down to Ellie when she's being called by Joel or Sarah.

Example: Eleanor, Elodie, Eloise.

Sarah will dip anything into ranch. Anything. Ellie will dip anything into hot sauce or Buffalo sauce.

Both need those at every dinner. Joel just needs ketchup and mustard.

Joel was introduced to Hozier through Ellie and will listen to it constantly because it makes him think of his girls and everything they've been through.

Bill and Frank are really the only people they ever go on roadtrips to see.

Sarah loves makeup, she loves doing cool looks and drawing little stars and butterflies. She just enjoys playing around and creating cute looks.

Ellie likes a little makeup, she'll even let Sarah do it for her when they're bored on the weekends.

Ellie was a play structure kid. She'd climb any and all things on the playground, hang upside down from the monkey bars and force Joel to spin her on the merry-go-round till she was sick.

Sarah was a swings kid. She'd just chill there and sometimes go to the merry-go-round with Ellie.

Joel still carries around what is essentially a diaper bag for both of his girls. He's ready for anything.

One vegetable that will never enter the house is peas. Everyone hates them.

Ellie will eat raw carrots but no cooked ones. Joel is still confused by it.

[moonlit-positivity]

To have a traumaversary on your birthday of all days is truly the worst experience a human can go through. My birthday has been nothing but a conduit for my mother's anger and an excuse for others to invade my space on her behalf, because for some reason nobody on this Earth could ever fathom that my mother could be an absolute monster to me. And I guess you would never be able to tell unless you were there, for some reason? How physically violent and demeaning and just God awful a person can be when they're drunk and out for blood. So yeah for what its worth today and tomorrow are gonna suck ass for me, just like every year has been since the dawn of time. I've had so many traumatic things happen on my birthday it's just the norm to fully expect crisis and just shut down before anything can touch me. Except for some reason this is the first year I've gone no contact with either parent or family member, so theoretically I should be safe? Lol what the fuck does that mean to a mean drunk with an ego and God complex the size of Texas 🥴 ain't no amount of "boundaries" in the world gonna stop a person like that. She takes and takes and never even gives me a chance to speak. I don't even exist to her as a human being with my own free will. Free will???? She would tell me I'm being disrespectful and that id need to "bow down". And as much as I've been publicly speaking out against the shit she put me through, just makes me even more angry at how my dad & family & society as a whole could NEVER understand the true depths of my fear and paranoia and anger and betrayal- because the mere thought of her knowing I'm "talking back" is enough to put me in a full blown paralysis where I can't even move to use the bathroom anymore. It's insane how people can just go on about their lives on their birthday and not have to shut down or panic and expect the worst case scenario from happening. It's insane to me that there are ppl out there who have never even experienced this type of fear before. What the fuck does that mean?? For me though??? Sometimes I feel like I take two steps forward and then *BAM* hit in the face with another major setback or trigger and then it's right back to step one all over again. I can't even eat anymore. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm getting no rest or help with this at all, except to just lay here and let myself cry and do my best to stay safe through it all. I seriously wish I could unalive myself for at least the next 3-4 days. It's unreal the amt of awareness I have this year is like holy fuck, how the actual fuck have I survived like this. Holy fuck.

[rothjuje]

News is disgusting and awful, I can’t. I can’t imagine being in Texas right now, we got out just in time.

Justin is even more upset about it than I am and wants to be done with the US. He’s been asking to move out of the US since before we were engaged (I was strongly against it) but now it’s not sounding as terrible. We just moved though, and it was a nightmare.

Speaking of, we went 5k over. Which I guess wouldn’t be that bad, but in a desperate attempt to lower the cost we left behind much more furniture than anticipated. Including some vintage furniture that was precious to me. And our fridge and washer/dryer. And so many practical pieces of furniture. Getting rid of those items got us down to 3.5k over. Painful. I never want to move again.

Cat wouldn’t eat or go to the bathroom for 36 hours before I gave in and gave her gabapentin. 20 minutes later she was walking around and purring. She’s back to her normal self now after just one dose. Thank Gd for vets and medicine and science.

Justin got here with the dog on Thursday. He goes back to work tomorrow. Lugging around a 55 pound anxious dog with two year old twins by myself doesn’t sound like a fun time. But neither does staying in a hotel suite that isn’t childproofed. 19 more days. At least Alyssa is having the time of her life and is entertaining the twins with her antics.

We have done so many things in just one week of being here. Explored Boston for two days (absolute nightmare to drive in, drivers here are more aggressive than in Texas if that’s even possible). Explored Quincy and went to the beach there (I’m a fan). Went to Salem twice (yes the same Salem where the witch trials took place), explored Beverly, visited Lynn a couple times and high tide here is shocking, beaches just disappear in the evenings. Got delicious ice cream in beautiful Marblehead. Went to Ipswich twice and Crane beach (love). Went to Salisbury (really love) and also went to the beach there, the dog had his first beach walk. Stalked my house several times. Went to Target 6 times. Have visited parks (excuse me, playgrounds as they are not called parks here) all over from Chelmsford to the coast. Went to Nashua, NH has such a different vibe.

It’s been a crazy week. I’m exhausted.

Someone told me that people in Georgetown are just as snooty as in Andover. Several people that live here have told me they don’t know where Georgetown is or haven’t heard of it. Hmm. Not exactly sure what I’m getting into but nothing is permanent and it seems real pretty. A quaint little forest town. There is a strawberry picking farm just 3 minutes from our house, another one at 5 minutes away, and another one at 8 minutes away. How cute is that?!

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Hi Kym! Hope you're well. I just saw a gif set of Bobby from 216 and wondered if you've noticed any costuming similarities in pre 110 Bobby and Eddie, in terms of colours or other things?

Cookie!!! I'm so sorry its taken me so long to get round to answering this ask - My excuse is that I was mid way through costume plotting all seasons and wanted to get that done before I answered you so I had a better handle on both Bobby and Eddies costumes! I haven't got close to finishing the costume plot yet, but I do have enough information to be able to answer your ask now!!!

The short of it is that there aren't really hat many similarities between pre 110 Bobby and Eddie, especially when it comes to colour theory - this is in part due to the lack of non uniform costumes we see Bobby in in season 1 - he only has 8 across all 10 episodes, one of those is a dressing gown and then !!!

Eddie and Athena are the ones who match up colour wise (very heavily - its actually a little scary how heavily they match up), while Bobby shares much more colour connection with Buck (especially S3 and 4 Buck!).

The only costumes of Bobbys that I could acceptably compare to Eddies are the two he wears in 108 - Karmas a Bitch;

with the ones Eddie wears in 301 and 312;

But there is not really a connection between the scenes we see those costumes appear in beyond the concept of being able to give children opportunities - Bobbys Blood gives young babies a chance to actually have a life while Eddie is concerned with helping Christopher be able to experience the same things as his peers! it a bit tenuous and I'm not sure I'd be entirely comfortable drawing the comparison to be honest. I am very much in the colour ways of Eddie and Athena matching - I should really write a post on that because the whole concept of using the military colours for the two of them and how that has chanced and can be tracked in parallel with each other is actually very interesting!

as a little aside - when I was looking for these images a different connection did occur to me and its a bit interesting! does this shirt - which is cut short to look more like a trucker jacket remind you of anyone else's jackets??

because the colour and cut of this ^^^ is reminding me of this vvv Buck Jacket (especially if we took the weird Texas filter off the Eddie scene!!) but also the cut is similar to Eddies jacket and that overall look is more or less the same for Eddie - same colour jeans, a tee under a trucker style jacket (there is of course the difference between the fit of the jackets but that is very deliberate as the ill fitting one from 5x14 is designed to make Eddie look like he's lost weight and is ill - which it achieves to perfection!)!

All that is very interesting to me - not only because it further connects the st. Christophers necklace and the will reveal, but also because of the context of those two scenes.

those two scenes are connected not only by Christopher and Charlie (both children he's saved from oppressive situations), but also by Eddies PTSD. Connecting a the silver star scene - the aftermath of Eddie rescuing his team and Eddie struggling with the reality of being the only one left alive - 'I pulled them out, but I didn't save them' is actually really powerful. How does Buck connect into all of this I hear you ask - well this is where I'm especially 👀👀👀 over the choice the writers made to have Eddie make Buck Christophers defacto parent - via the will. Because Shannon is present in the flashback scene - but notably absent from being around the Diaz's - she is separated and in the kitchen - and not stepping into support Eddie - Buck in the 5x13 scene however is - he is right there with Eddie - being what Eddie needs - Eddie had to find his own way through his PTSD in the 3x15 flashback, but this time - he isn't alone. This is why the choice of colours and the cut of the 3 jackets is so interesting - they all three interconnect - showing how Eddie was alone, but now he's not - hence the splitting of the colour and style from 3x15 into two in 5x13!!

I've gone a bit off topic, but thats nothing new for me 😂

[thefreelanceangel]

Tagged!

@gatheredfates caught me! 

1. Are you named after anyone?

 Yes. A rock. But spelled incorrectly. CrystLE not CrystAL. WHY? WHY YOU ASK? Well, gentle reader, let me introduce you to the LIE I LIVED MOST OF MY LIFE BELIEVING. 

My mother insisted for YEARS that she’d spelled my name “Crystle” because “I liked how it flowed in cursive.” AND OH. OH THE LOOK I GAVE HER when THREE YEARS AGO she confessed that when I was born, my UNCLE pointed out that the rock was spelled crystal NOT crystle.

AND SHE JUST LEFT IT. AND THEN CAME UP WITH AN EXCUSE. I SPENT 38+ YEARS EXPLAINING HOW TO BLOODY SPELL MY NAME TO PEOPLE BECAUSE MY MOTHER COULDN’T BE ARSED TO USE A DICTIONARY TO CHECK.

2. When was the last time you cried?

About a day ago when my husband showed me an adorable animal video on his phone. Yes, I am a gentle mushroom. I am VERY easily touched.

3. Do you have kids?

Furbabies, yes. There will be no crotchfruit from my loins. Ever. Props to those who love children and love being parents and I respect the hell out of you but that is not the life for me!

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

No, of course not. Why would you ever think such a thing?

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

My degree is in English and I was a theatre/gaming nerd. Do you really think I played sports? Really?

6. What is the first thing you notice about other people?

Their laughter. I need to hear people laugh to feel like I can get to know them.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

@tlbodine has devoted many years to exposing me to as many horror movies as possible and I have shrieked, yelped, hidden, flailed and whimpered through sooooooo many. I love it. 

But for life? Happy endings, of course!

8. Any special talents?

Comic relief! (Also probably writing. It’s the one thing I have SOME actual skill at.)

9. Where were you born?

In Texas, please don’t hold it against me.

10. Do you have any hobbies?

Reading. Reading. READING. Beyond that, FFXIV, light gaming and one day, I’d like to get into some fabric crafts like sewing or knitting.

11. Do you have any pets?

My household involves one potato (orange himbo cat,) one Criminal (grey tabby baby boy cat,) and one actual cat, who is a drop-dead GORGEOUS tortoiseshell cat who tolerates my presence.

12. How tall are you?

5′ 6.5″ AND YES, THE HALF INCH IS IMPORTANT.

13. Favorite Subject in School:

English, obviously! But I also genuinely enjoyed biological sciences, including anatomy and physiology. In college, psychology and sociology were highly entertaining.

14. Dream job?

Ultimate dream job, likely impossible? Reader, paid to read and chat about books. (Yes I know that reviewer is a job, but pls tell my unmedicated ADHD to let me focus on an actual project.) More likely dream job? I’d like to work in a bookstore, guide people to books, help them make choices, make recommendations, etc.

15. Eye Color?

Hazel.

TAGGING: @luck-and-larceny; @dumb-hat; @mirugaidoesthings​; @chainsofaether​; @catscratching​; @gray-morality​; @sajiri​ and anyone else who wants to snag it!

[starlingsrps]

my love mine all mine.

they’re clustered at the bar, watching david get shot down by the red cross girls again. elliot sometimes wonders if it’s a masochism thing or some kind of fucked up optimism that keeps him going. mary hates his guts, mostly due to what david wryly calls a misfire with the kind of obscene hand gesture you can only make on a military base. helen still wears a cross the size of texas like a dare. elliot swears it’s only gotten bigger. and nell…

elliot smiles to himself when she pats david on the cheek and shakes her head before turning away. sometimes it feels like the ache in the pit of his stomach for her will kill him before a german missile gets the chance.

“i’m retiring,” david announces, taking his drink back from indigo’s side. “a man can only take so much rejection.”

“you know helen’s talking about being a nun when she gets home,” indigo says. “i don’t know why you try.”

“last ride,” he says. “or is that last rites?”

“last rites are when you’re dead, dumbass,” elliot contributes. 

david shrugs easily. “might as well be. no, howard. she’s got that goddamn dimple and i’m a weak, weak man. but,” he sighs. “it’s been six months and nothing.”

“gotta leave it alone,” indigo says sagely. “it’s all about patience and timing.

“man gets married and suddenly he knows everything,” david says in a stage whisper to elliot. “how many times times did you see eliza in person, not counting the wedding?”

“when you know, you know,” he says easily. the red cross girls cross into the bar area and he looks over at david. “you want to go for a grand finale?”

“got my fuckin six my ass,” he mumbles into his beer.

“gentlemen,” mary says, eyeing david, currently staring into his drink like it might hold the secret of eternal life to avoid eye contact. “behaving?”

“ladies. always,” indigo looks over his shoulder at david. “most of us.”

“i don’t speak for hatcher,” elliot adds. “you all look nice tonight.”

he mostly means nell. no, he only means nell. if mary or helen have any distinguishing features, he’s completely forgotten they exist. he’s spent close to eight months with a crush on her that swings between feeling like hopeless self imposed punishment and almost possible. he knows her expressions and features as well as his own. david’s obsessed with her dimple but she has this way of smiling at him that makes her eyes light up and him feel like the only man alive. she’ll be beautiful her entire life but it’s the way she’s genuinely herself that he can’t seem to keep away from.

indigo politely asks how they’re doing while david slowly creeps down the bar and out of sight. 

“well, we’re losing nell to london in january but if hatcher can keep his mitts to himself when the new girl gets here, we should survive,” helen says.

“we’ll do our best.”

it’s the first elliot has heard of nell’s request to be transferred to a red cross hospital in london being approved. he’s happy for her but the idea of not seeing her every day causes a pang of anxiety. she’s told him about it a few times and when he last asked, she was still waiting for a place to open up. that had been a last week ago so something must have changed and fast. she gives him a smile that looks almost apologetic, goes back to talking. 

mary excuses them when their drinks come up at the bar and elliot and indigo stand around talking a bit longer with other officers and listening to the band. indigo checks his watch and sighs. “should probably go hunt down hatch, make sure he isn’t too fucked. take it easy, yeah?” 

elliot stays out a bit longer, loses miserably at darts to jack and talks about this conference they’re going to at oxford with sid. he tries to keep his eyes off of nell. finally accepting he’s failing, he excuses himself to go find her. he passes by her, maybe a little too close, but close enough for him to mumble “meet me outside?” for only her to hear. she nods very slightly and he keeps moving through the clubhouse and out into the cool november night. he wishes he smoked more at times like this, if only to have something to do with his hands while he waits. she’s only a few minutes behind him but it feels longer when she finally steps out, shrugging into a cardigan.

“now i have to call you nurse howard for real, don’t i?”

she laughs and comes over to him. “i just found out today. i wanted to tell you earlier-“

he shakes his head to cut her off. “it’s amazing. i know you’ve been waiting.”

she smiles and if he’s been cataloging her smiles, this one is proud. he likes it, just a little more smug that her usual and deservedly so. she’s like him - she doesn’t talk about herself well or often and he likes seeing her proud. “i have. i mean, i knew i’d have to retire from coffee detail eventually.”

“i’ll miss you.” it slips out before he can stop himself and he realizes that he wouldn’t take it back as soon as the words are in the air.

there it is, that warm, sweet smile he’s willing to fuck up his entire career for. “i’ll miss you too. i’m sorry, i know we’re-“ she trails off and presses her lips together, pinning something back.

“i can write.”

her smile comes back. “you could come see me.”

he laughs. “i don’t think i’m going to want to be in a position to see you at the hospital.”

“yeah, i don’t want to see you there either. but maybe on a pass?”

“i would love to see you in london on a pass.”

the music coming through the door changes over to something smooth and slow - “deep purple” maybe but they all sort of sound the same to him. “come on,” he says, holding out his hand to her. “feel like i owe you a dance before you leave.”

she smiles and takes it, easily stepping into his arms. he can hold her closer out here than he would inside and her cheek rests right on his shoulder, her fingers twisting with his with a contented sigh. he isn’t sure how he’s not supposed to spend the rest of his life thinking about that or how perfectly she fits against him. he’s not too tall for her and she’s not too short for him. they’re exactly right.

this feels like one of those soft moments he’ll remember when he’s lonely or flying and needs to remember who he is in the ground. it’s clear tonight, clear and starry and somewhere under the eternal smell of engine oil and cigarette smoke, her perfume has gotten into his nose but maybe it’s been there for months already. she feels soft and there’s so little in his life that’s soft anymore.  it’s all rough, sharp edges and smoke and fire. the small of her back is the perfect size for his hand to rest and - shit.

“sorry,” he mumbles. he’s usually a better dancer - brutally trained by his exes in at least the basics - and doesn’t step on toes but his brain and body seem to have a disconnect when it’s nell in his arms. “i don’t have many moves.”

she laughs, the sound humming against his neck, and adjusts her fingers in his. “forgiven. what are these moves?”

he leans back a bit so he can look at her when they talk. “well, you’re getting the shuffle right now. that’s my best.”

“best shuffling i’ve had in a long time.”

“i can also shuffle fast but that’s advanced.”  she laughs again and now he’s just talking to keep making her laugh. he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of hearing it. “spinning and dipping, i’ve got a fifty-fifty rate. dropped my senior prom date and she never spoke to me again.”

“hmm, sounds like her loss.” her arms move to twine around his neck and he relocates his hands to her waist. “i like the shuffle, for the record.”

close now, close enough to kiss her and he does, light and easy, as though he hasn’t been thinking about it for months, even as it feels like he’s burning alive. “that’s good because-“

she interrupts to kiss him again, lips parted in an invitation he doesn’t need to think twice about. her hands are warm on his neck and the sigh she makes when he deepens the kiss sinks into his bones where he knows it’ll stay for the rest of his life. they could have been doing this for months but it almost feels worth the wait. he doesn’t know how long they kiss for but when they come up for air, the song has changed and it could be five minutes or five hours later for all he knows.

“you’re not going to run off on me, are you?” he asks, half teasing and half asking.  it’s months ago now but he remembers waking up on the floor without her there in london still sticks with him. he’d missed her and felt ridiculous for it.

“no chance. i’m yours,” she says simply, kissing him again, his face in her hands. “always have been.”

his hands rest on her wrists and he sighs. “it feels really good to hear you say that.”

her eyebrows arch. “not going to say it back?”

he laughs and kisses her on the forehead. “i think if i started, i couldn’t stop.”

she smiles, that soft, bright eyed smile. “i can’t wait to hear it.”

a piercing sound tears through the haze and elliot’s eyes snap to the now open clubhouse door. it’s hatcher, leaning in an open door. he’s got a wolf whistle like a goddamn tex avery character that scares the shit out of elliot and violently reconnects his brain and body. nell stiffens in his arms and any spell is broken.

“okay! fuckin finally!”

“at least it’s just hatcher,” he says, reluctantly letting her go. 

“yeah,” she agrees. “i should go back in.”

“i’ll see you?”

she nods and kisses him again, quick and light, squeezing his hand once before letting go to dash past david with a look that’s equal parts wary and warning. he grins at her.

“well, well, well, well, well,” david says, clapping slowly like he’s at a ball game to get the crowd going. “looks like i’m coming into some money.”

“fuck off, hatch,” he says but there’s no heat to it. if anything, there’s almost a hint of relief that it’s out in the open and that it’s david and not someone who will actually give a shit.

david finally manages to light his cigarette, still laughing to himself. “you have no idea the work i’ve put into this shit. i was ready to give up.”

“you can at least give me one of those if you’re going to be a son of a bitch,” elliot says, nodding towards the pack of luckies in david’s pocket. he takes the one he’s offered and lights it a little clumsily. 

he laughs again. “goddamn, i’m about to be a wealthy man. jack didn’t think you’d make a move until christmas, hardy had new year’s, sam had never. i had november twentieth on the dot.”

“i feel like we should get a cut,” elliot says. hatcher looks at him, a little confused. “did most of the work here.”

he snorts. “oh yeah, you call that work? fine, rich uncle hatchy will chip in on your first date but-“ now he gestures with his lit cigarette in a way that threatens his mustache. “you have to name your first born after me.”

“what if it’s a girl?”

“davidienne. easy.” he inhales and exhales slowly. “i’m happy for you. seriously. you’re both…good.”

“thanks, hatch.”

he shrugs. “you deserve good shit. come on, let’s get my goddamn money.”

[aoitrinity]

Why Do I Have to Feel Like a Fucking Conspiracy Theorist -- OR -- How I Find a Semblance of Peace on Sunday Night

I’m also going to start this out with a GIANT DISCLAIMER.

I am about to theorize about what may have happened to the SPN finale. I have absolutely no insider knowledge. I am merely speculating here based on the panels and a bunch of Twitter and Tumblr posts that I have been reading over the last few days. If you are not in a good place to read such things, TURN BACK PLEASE. Go take care of yourself and your mental health. You and your feelings are valid and deserve to be handled gently right now.

Additionally, if you are here to give me shit for being unhappy with the ending, please walk away as well. I am here to reach out and share my feelings with people who might be struggling to make sense of something that upset some of us in very deep-seated ways. I am not here to bother you or critique you or tell you that you’re lesser because you liked the ending. If you felt it was good, then go enjoy it.

Long-ass post beneath the cut, everyone.

Alrighty folks...I debated whether or not to do this because I have been spiraling down the hell that is the SPN finale since Thursday. The travesty of what happened to our show--to this beloved show that seemed to have been so perfectly and precisely written for at least four years that it had basically already paved its own tarmac on which to land its plane and we all thought we knew exactly what we were going to get. And then we didn’t. We had a nigh Cas-less and entirely Eileen-less ending. We had no goodbye between Cas and Jack. We had Dean dying young after finally finding his freedom, only to ascend to heaven with no one but Bobby. We had the weird, weird, weird incest-y death scene. We had the bridge crane shot thing because...sure. You do you, Robert Singer.

It was so terrible, so truly awful, and I couldn’t seem to square any of it with anything we had known going in. I tossed and turned and cried and didn’t eat or sleep all weekend. I spent hours just reloading tumblr and twitter, going to the Misha panel, reading and reading and listening and trying to figure out what the fucking hell is going on because I needed to know exactly where to direct my anger. And after a fuckton of talking with @winchester-reload, I think we have at least a very plausible theory about what happened here--I’m laying it out below as much for my own peace of mind as anything else, because otherwise all of these thoughts are going to continue to spin around in my head for weeks and I won’t be able to do jack shit.

Now to start off, unfortunately I do think Dean was slated to die from the beginning of this season. I don’t know WHY they thought that was the best way to go, and I wish they had listened to Jensen on this one. Part of me wonders if it was an order from on high based on the discussion between Becky and Chuck earlier this season--the writers knew it wasn’t a great choice, but they were trying to signal to us that we should feel free to write our own endings to the story because they’d be better (I can wax poetic on the signs of why many of the writers probably wanted Dean to live, but that’s another post). I’m not defending that choice by any means, just laying it out there that I think they didn’t necessarily all want to kill Dean like they did.

However, what I THINK I can explain now is what happened with Misha and why we got so jerked around with Cas’s story. Consider what we know (I can’t immediately source all of it, but I did my best):

At the end of episode 15x19, Lucifer has been returned to the Empty after being killed AGAIN. He talks with Cas. Maybe harasses him a bit about Dean, idk. But then...Jack shows up. New God Jack. And he picks up Cas and pulls him out of the Empty, leaving Lucifer behind, because seriously. Fuck that guy (also leaving behind his abusive father is character growth for Jack, so yay for that).

-Misha was contracted to film 15 episodes this season. He was only in 14.

-Misha told Michael Sheen he had to go back to film 1.5 episodes after the shutdown in March. (Starts at 6:13)

-Misha was in Vancouver during filming of the finale.

-Mark P said at Darklight Con that the last scene he filmed was with Alex and Misha (and Mark P was only in episode 19).

-Misha implied that he was present for various filming moments, including Dean’s death (start at 35:15), and said that it felt like a “mini-reunion.”

-Various sources have mentioned that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale.

-After episode 18, Stands tweeted a fan who was angered and hurt by Cas's death that they could talk about the “bury the gays” issue after the finale aired.

-In episode 19 we know there were takes of the parking lot scene where the only thing fans observing could hear was Dean yelling “CAS” at Chuck (fuck I can’t find this one right now, but it’s definitely out there)

-Also in episode 19, we had a very strange, awkward montage at the end of the episode.

-In episode 20, we know there were a FUCKTON of missing scenes

-We also had no opening montage, but three other separate montages.

-Carry on My Wayward Son was played TWICE, back-to-back at the end of the episode.

-Episode 20 was shorter than normal and had surprisingly little dialogue. The pacing was VERY strange.

-The cast and crew has been almost completely silent about the finale since it came out. When they have spoken, it has been with an awkward excuse of “Uh...COVID?”

-Samantha Ferris has specifically noted that, despite the Harvelle’s being back in play and a big heaven reunion having been planned pre-COVID, neither she nor Chad Lindberg received any such invitation to return.

-Cas and Dean POP Funko figures were pictured together in a replica of Harvelle’s in 15x04.

NOW with all of this in mind (and I’m probably missing some stuff too because there is so much--feel free to add on to that list), please bear with me because here is what I think we were SUPPOSED to get POST-COVID (after it was determined that the reunion couldn’t happen because of the virus):

In episode 20, we start with our NORMAL OPENING MONTAGE, like always. It traces everything that happened during the season. We are reminded of Cas. The confession. Rowena. Eileen. Jack. Billie, God, the Empty, all of it. 

Things then follow along in the episode where they did up until Dean dies and wakes up in heaven. After his conversation with Bobby, he drives off to find Cas (who, in the script, was listed as “Jimmy Novak” in order to protect against script leaks--who wouldn’t want to do their best to avoid spoilers about the finale with the wrapping of a fifteen-year show?). He does indeed find Cas. We get Dean’s end of the confession. Hell, maybe we even get a kiss. And then Dean sets up his new heaven home in the recreated Harvelle’s. Maybe Cas even fucking moves in. 

Years pass. We get Sam having his life on Earth (still can’t explain why they cut Eileen and couldn’t even have Sam signing vaguely to the blurry brunette in the background; if anyone wants to take that on, go for it). Eventually, Cas tells Dean that it’s almost Sam’s time. Dean takes Baby and goes to meet Sam at the bridge. The cover of Carry on My Wayward Son plays during this much shorter sequence. End of episode.

But that’s not what we got. Instead, much of what I just wrote about was excised from the episode. The remnants were stitched together after shooting had been wrapped. Filler was added in the form of montages and long, unnecessary extra shots to get the episode to something approaching a reasonable length. 

But why? Why would they spend all that time and money and quarantining on Misha, only to almost completely cut him out of the finale? I struggled with why the fuck the CW would want this mammoth show to go down as the greatest queerbait in TV history when they had the chance to do something truly beautiful and monumental with it? It couldn’t just be sheer homophobia, right? Well, I think that factored into it, my friends, but here is where my head is at right now.

It was about cold, hard cash.

Now I could be wrong, but this is what I’m thinking at the moment: Supernatural is going off of the air. Supernatural, the CW’s cash cow for fifteen years. Sure there is still money to be made on blu-rays and merchandise and cons...but they need people watching their shows. They need that sweet advertising revenue. And you know what show they have about to premiere? A show that could, potentially, bring with it a chunk of that SPN revenue?

Walker.

And if any of you know anything about the original Walker Texas Ranger, you know that the show was predominantly a show about a very heterosexual white man being very excessively heterosexual. And for SOME REASON over the years, many of the execs at the CW still seem to think that this show, Supernatural, is really attractive to a lot of middle-American white men...whom they desperately want to watch this new show with this guy from Supernatural that they already know.

Now here’s where COVID fucked us. I think Destiel was greenlit by TPTB, at least in SOME form, before COVID. But then the pandemic happened, and they panicked. They got the cut of the last two episodes and watched them in their original, probably queer form. And then, the execs at CW looked at the economy. They looked at their cash cow, about to make its journey to the great beyond. And they looked at this new little calf Walker that they were so desperately worried about. And they made a choice.

They decided that it would be too risky to take the step with Destiel. They were worried about frightening off their ever-so-valuable hetero male demographic with the possibility that a traditionally masculine man in his 40s could be in love with another man in an overt way. It was homophobia mixed with greed, spun up by fear for their revenues because of COVID.

So they called in Singer, possibly Dabb, although I wouldn’t be surprised if they went straight to Singer. They told them that Destiel had to go: executive orders. And the only way to make it go in a way that removed any trace of what had been there was to rewrite what happened to Cas and cut him out from the last two episodes entirely. It was too late to reshoot anything. They had to just cut and stitch and fill with bullshit montages. 

They removed the scene at the end of 19, probably because Cas and Lucifer discussed Dean. All that was left of Misha there was his voice on that fake phone call. They may have cut other things too, but I would bet my life that they cut a scene from the end of the episode and replaced it with that very strange montage. Then they moved onto 20. They cut out every scene with Cas. And left in only two platonic mentions of him, neither made by Dean. They tried to imply that Cas might show up in Dean’s heaven at some point, but that was as far as the editors could go in the time they had. They filled in with montages, awkwardly long shots, anything they could do to fill all of those missing scenes.

And they even had to take the opening montage, because literally everything in it pointed to Cas being there at the end of it all. They wouldn’t be able to leave out his scenes, they were too critical to the season. They couldn’t cut his confession without raising eyebrows. So they cut the whole thing and moved “Carry On My Wayward Son” to one of the newly-added driving montages at the end. Which is why we awkwardly had both songs play back-to-back--again, such a strange choice unless they were out of options and couldn’t exactly buy rights to a new track or compose anything else.

And so we were left with the shadow of the finale that we deserved, that Cas and Dean deserved. We were left without resolution or happiness or words. Bobo told us the most important thing about happiness is just “saying it” and our characters were silenced without anyone ever knowing the truth.

I think the writers might have known and been given the new party line that “Misha never filmed, he couldn’t, sorry, it was COVID, no one’s fault!” But I don’t think most of the cast even knew it had happened until they watched the finale on Thursday with us (though they might have been confused why the bit from 15x19 was sliced, they could reasonably have assumed it was a time thing and also BL episodes don’t make sense anyway). Why do I say that?

Well, first of all, Misha started sending out a bunch of excited texts to fans with some old BTS pictures about an hour before the show started airing on EST. He also wanted his children to see the episode, his YOUNG children. Why would he show them such a traumatic episode if their Dad wasn’t in it? What if it was because he wanted them to witness what was going to be a monumental moment in queer television history that their DAD got to be a part of? And then that was all dashed.

Which is why I think the cast and crew went almost completely radio silent the next day. I don’t think they knew. And based on how they have been acting on social media since then, I think many of them are absolutely furious, but they have been silenced because of NDAs, because they want to find work again in a cutthroat industry, because they don’t want to bring down the hellfire of Warner Brothers Entertainment upon themselves. So the most we have gotten is a little acknowledgement from the MERCHANDISING COMPANY trying to validate our pain (god bless Shirts, she is a LIFESAVER) and a response to my salty tweet about keeping good stuff in the closet from Adam Williams (the VFX coordinator) that seemed to acknowledge the validity of my complaint.

Then there was a scramble behind the scenes, I would bet my life. Talking points were fed to the boys who had panels today, to CE, to all the cast and crew:

Toe the party line. Misha never filmed. This was always about COVID. Do not mention Destiel. Do not mention Dean’s feelings for Cas. Do not promote the Castiel Project or anything that validates the idea that this was anything less than a superb ending.

And that is why we have heard so little from the cast on this front, and what we have heard has been muddled and contradictory. That is why the writers are saying nothing. That is why we have been left adrift.

Now before I close this out, I do want to say that I really, genuinely do not think this was on the writers at all. I feel like they tried to give us the best ending that they could, in a writers room that we know is notorious for splitting along party lines about the overall story (BL and Singer, who have always been about the brothers and their man-pain vs. Dabb and the rest who always seemed to want more for them and for Cas). I think they did everything in their power to at least end with Dean and Cas happy together. If they could give us nothing else, they wanted to give us that. And then the network took it from them. From us. From everyone.

For the sake of fucking money. 

And the WORST PART OF IT ALL, for me, is that in the wake of this disaster, the fans have been left to try and figure out what happened. We have had to wade through a mire of conflicting information in the midst of all of our collective anger and grief over this garbage ending of a show many of us have loved and even relied on for YEARS, all the while wondering if we’re just fucking crazy, if we have all fallen collectively into the hole of conspiracy theories. That hurts ESPECIALLY badly because we have taken so many hits over the years from other groups on social media saying we were crazy for seeing things that weren’t there (especially Destiel), for writing meta and analyzing tropes and believing the evidence of our eyes and ears. The network has made us relive that entire nightmare WHILE processing our grief for a show we wanted so badly to celebrate and which instead we now have to mourn.

So again guys, I cannot prove that this is exactly what happened at all; this is simply my idea of what may have happened. But right now, it’s the most sense I can make from this mess, and to be honest, the act of typing it out has helped me enormously in my processing of it all. I feel like I can see more clearly, like I know where to target my outrage and where to direct empathy. I feel like just fucking maybe, I might be able to do my job tomorrow without bursting into tears at random moments. 

I really hope that this post has helped some of you to, in some small way, process this too. We get through this the way that Misha told us at his panel this morning, the way the writers have told us to do all season long...we throw out the story God gave us and we make it better. We write our characters the happy endings they deserve. 

We save them.

One last thing--if you have not already, please consider channeling your rage into a donation to one of the five causes our fandom has put together to pay tribute to our beloved show and to mourn the ending it should have had:

-The Castiel Project

-Dean Winchester is Love

-Sam Winchester Project

-The National Association of the Deaf

-The Jack Kline Project

[datleggy]

Buddie prompt: aggressively pro-buddie Helena and Ramon Diaz, who are ecstatic when Eddie tells them he's dating, and then utterly befuddled when he introduces Ana. But they decide to bite their tongues about it (Buck, their future son in law, has talked to them about respecting Eddie's decisions, however dumb, after all), until Ana (unwittingly? Innocently? No matter) makes a comment about Buck, and then all bets are off.

Hope this inspires you!

Helena is so relieved that Eddie finally feels comfortable enough to come out to them, that she could cry. She feels awful that it took her so long to realize it. 

It had been on Eddie’s last visit to Texas, when he and his crew had been fighting wildfires, that Ramon--her dense as can be when it comes to matters of the heart husband of all people--had noticed that their son was in love. 

Helena still remembers saying goodbye to her son and his two teammates, remembers Ramon closing the door, waiting exactly all of five seconds before turning to her and saying, “I’m happy for him. He’s so stubborn, I didn’t know if he’d ever let himself get that close to someone again.” 

And Helena had been confused at first, and then even chuckled when Ramon had explained calmly that clearly their son was dating his coworker Buck, until she’d stopped to really give it a moment’s thought. It had hit her all at once, how obvious those two were, and she couldn’t help but wonder how long it had been since they’d started dating and why Eddie hadn’t said anything yet. 

She’s seen the photos on Instagram, Helena thinks, as their plane lands. Buck smiling next to her grandbaby after helping her son build him a skateboard he could safely ride in the park. Buck standing shoulder to shoulder with Eddie behind Tia and Christopher in that Christmas photo at the station. The selfie Eddie posted of him and Buck with the giant cast still on his leg the day of the ceremony for when he was no longer a probationary firefighter with the 118. 

Really, she should’ve figured it out months ago. 

When Eddie had called and told her he’d started dating again and that the next time they came to visit he’d make an introduction Helena had been thrilled! 

Ramon drives them from the airport to their son’s place in their rental and Helena rambles on about how she hopes Buck isn’t too nervous to see them again, now that the cat’s out of the bag. 

When they arrive Eddie greets them at the door with a big hug and ushers his parents inside and Helena is so ready to step into the living room and welcome Buck into the family with open arms, to show her son that there was nothing to be afraid of, that they love him and nothing in the world would change that--

Only to be met with....not Buck? 

“Oh,” Helena stops dead in her tracks and Ramon stands beside her looking about as confused as she feels. “Hello.” she smiles politely enough. 

The woman sitting next to Christopher on the couch stands up and she’s absolutely stunning, her curls bouncing on her shoulders when she stands up to exchange hello’s. “It’s so nice to meet you both. My name is Ana.” 

The rest of the afternoon goes by just fine, but Eddie can tell something is amiss the entire time, though he does a good job of hiding it from Ana, who’s her usual charming self through out lunch. 

She has to take a work call at some point and excuses herself to another room and that’s when Eddie turns to his parents and half-whispers. “Ok, I know those looks. What’s wrong?” 

Helena shakes her head, feigning ignorance. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

Eddie sighs, rolling his eyes. “Seriously, what is it? Ana is perfect. She’s incredibly smart, she’s funny, she’s got a great job, good head on her shoulders, and Christopher loves her--so again, I ask, what’s wrong?” 

Ramon follows his wife’s lead. “Mijo, really, it’s nothing. She’s great. We’re happy for you. I think we’re just a little tired from the flight, that’s all.” 

Eddie narrows his eyes slightly but decides there isn’t much sleuthing that can be done at the moment, so all he can do is take them at their word for now. “Fine, if you say so.” 

They’re in the middle of watching Nemo when Buck's name comes up.

"When the tsunami happened Buck and I sang 'just keep swimming' like Dory." Christopher grins up at his dad and Eddie ruffles the curls on his head playfully. It helps Christopher to be able to openly talk about what he went through that day, the good and the bad.

"You never told me Buck was there that day." Ana comments off handedly.

Eddie nods, "Huh, I thought I mentioned it? Buck took him to the pier that morning."

"It was scary but Buck saved me." Christopher tells his grandma, who reaches across the couch to squeeze his arm. Helena had been horrified to hear what had happened at the time; it still gives her anxiety just thinking about it.

"That's right." She says softly.

"I thought some woman you didn't know carried him to one of the tents, and that's how you two were reunited, no?" Ana asks.

"Yeah, but before that, during the initial impact Buck was with Christopher, he managed to get him up to this firetruck in the middle of everything. It was after he dove back into the water to save someone that a second wave came and swept Christopher right off and they got separated from there." Eddie recalls solemnly.

There had been blood running down the dirty wet bandage on his arm, he'd been soaked to the bone, exhausted and barely standing upright. It wasn't until Christopher had been found that Buck had allowed himself to collapse.

"Oh..." Ana frowns.

Ramon puts a hand over his heart and sighs. "It's a miracle, really."

Ana doesn't mean to say it outloud, but the words comes tumbling out of her mouth without warning. "And you're still friends with him?"

Eddie blinks. "What?"

"I'm sorry, really, it's just--I don't understand." Ana rubs her shoulder self consciously, fully aware of the fact that everyone is looking at her. "Look, Edmundo, you nearly bit my head off when Christopher got a skinned knee under my watch but you're still best friends with the man who lost your son for God only knows how long? It doesn't make any sense to me."

Ana knows how overprotective Eddie is of his son, and in fact, that's one of the reasons she likes him so much; she admires that about him and this? It doesn't track with the man she knows.

Helena wants to open her mouth and she say something in defense of Buck--he's a good man, after all. But she knows better than to get between a couple in an argument, especially given how bias she is towards her future son in law...

Instead, she clears her throat and looks at Christopher, "Honey, how about you help me and Grandpa unpack? I bought a lot of fun things from Texas for you."

Christopher doesn't want to go. His Dad looks upset. Ana looks upset. He wants to stay and help. If Ana met Buck she would understand, Christopher's sure of it. But his grandparents are already leading him down the hall and to the guest room.

Christopher hangs out with his grandparents for a few minutes before fibbing and telling them he needs to use the bathroom. They both offer to help him but he insists that he can do it himself, promising to call out if he needs them.

He sneaks the home phone into the bathroom with him and dials a number he knows by heart at this point. He waits a couple of rings before the call connects.

"Hey, what's up?" Buck's voice comes through the other end. He sounds distracted.

"Bucky? Can you come get me?" He whispers into the phone.

He hears a small commotion and then a stifled 'ow!' and then: "Chris? Are you ok? You're home, right? What's wrong? Where's Eddie?"

"I'm home. I'm ok. But--" there's a knock on the door and it startles Christopher into accidentally hanging up the phone before he can explain the situation in it's entirety.

"It was a tsunami." Eddie sighs, "It wouldn't be fair to hold something like that over his head. And look, you weren't there. You didn't see the look on his face, you don't know how many hours he spent crying out Christopher's name at the top of his lungs, injured and looking nonstop through the rubble for him--"

"Yeah, which he wouldn't have had to do if he hadn't lost him in the first place. It sounds like he was too busy playing hero for strangers to watch your son." Ana folds her arms across her chest. "I don't want to fight. Especially not with your parents here. Honestly, I'm just confused? We don't have to talk about this right now. I can go. I just want to apologize to your parents and Christopher first, before I leave, for," she sighs, embarrassed, "well, for causing a scene. This is not the way I'd pictured meeting your parents."

"You know, if you just met Buck I really think you would--"

A cacophony of knocks at the door make the both of them jump. Ana looks at Eddie. "Were you expecting anyone else?"

"Christopher!? Christopher I'm here, open up!"

Eddie gapes. "...Buck?"

"Did you...call him over?" Ana didn't even see him reach for his phone.

"What? No, of course not." Eddie starts towards the door--the knocking has gotten so boisterous he's pretty sure Buck's about to break down his door--but Ana beats him to it.

At this point Eddie's parents and Christopher are in the hallway wondering what all that racket is.

Ana lets the door swing open, and if she's being entirely honest she's not sure what she's planning on saying to the man who's essentially at the center of her first real argument with her boyfriend, but whatever it was, it goes up in smoke when she takes in the sight of him.

Buck is taller than she'd pictured but that's not what's got her speechless.

He's standing at the doorway, chest heaving, clearly having rushed out of his house, where he was very obviously in the middle of shaving, if the shaving cream still smeared on a third of his face is any indication. He's in sweatpants and a white undershirt that's got little drops of blood on the front from where he must have cut himself while shaving. There's a bright red cut running down the underside of his chin.

"Um." Ana can't do much except stare, wide eyed.

Buck blinks at her, "Uh...Ana?" He suddenly realizes all the people in the house behind her are looking at him in a kind of stupor.

She nods slowly. "Buck?"

Buck nods sheepishly, "Uh... So, I am clearly interrupting something here."

"You came!" Christopher moves past all of the adults in the corridor and throws himself at Buck's legs.

Buck lifts the kid up easily enough, crutches and all, "Yeah, about that," he gently pinches his cheek, eliciting a giggle out of Christopher, "What was that phone call all about? You nearly gave me a heart attack, bud."

Eddie groans. "Christopher, did you call Buck to come all the way over here in the middle of the day?" He walks over and uses the cuff of his shirt sleeve to wipe away the rest of the shaving cream on the side of Buck's face. The look on his face is fond as he does so. "What did this little menace say to get you over here in such a rush?"

Christopher pouts. "I just told him to come get me. I thought if Miss Ana met my Bucky she'd know how come you're still best friends." He grips at Buck's t shirt tightly. "You can't stop being friends, Dad. I love Buck. He's my friend too."

Buck frowns. "Umm..."

Eddie gives him an apologetic look. "Sorry, it's not--it's complicated. I promise to explain everything later. Right now isn't really a great time--"

Ana interrupts hesitantly. "Actually, now is probably good. I need to get home soon, it's getting pretty late, so I should get going." She turns to Helena and Ramon. "It was very nice to meet you both." She scoohches past Buck and Christopher and practically sprints to where she parked her car, aware of the fact that Eddie is calling out her name and only half a step behind her.

It's not until they're several blocks down the street that she swivels around and he nearly topples into her in his haste. "Ana, please, I don't want you to leave like this. I really didn't call him over." He reaches into his back pocket and shows her his phone. "See?"

Ana takes the phone and presses her lips together thinly. "He called you like twenty times on his way over."

Eddie frowns. His phone must have been on silent. It's no wonder Buck rushed over like he did. "He was just worried about Christopher--"

Ana sighs resignedly. "No, I know. It's obvious, how much your best friend cares about your son. I can see why he's still in your life. And I think I can also see why that means you don't really have any room for me in it..."

Eddie shakes his head. "What? Why would you say that?"

Ana looks him in the eye, intent as can be on reading him. Eddie had smiled so warmly, creating such an unintentionally intimate moment when all he'd done was swipe at the other mans face with his sleeve...

"You don't even know, do you?"

"Know what?"

"I think this is something you and Buck need to sort out yourselves. Goodbye Edmundo."

Eddie closes the door behind him as he steps inside, a little heartbroken and a lot confused.

There's noise coming from the kitchen and so Eddie follows it to the source. Ramon is telling Buck about how to sear the perfect steak by the stove while Helena and Christopher set the table.

"Is everything alright?" Helena asks, when she notices him by the entryway.

Eddie nods, lying when he says. "Yeah, all good Mom."

She gives him a knowing look but keeps her mouth shut. "Honey, take Buck here to your room, let him borrow one of your shirts. And maybe a razor?"

Buck chuckles shyly. "It's fine, really. I should probably get going too--"

Ramon shushes him. "Nonsense. Go, go, get changed and get your butt back into this kitchen. Scoot."

Eddie takes Buck by the shoulders and drags him to his room, where he finds a worn gray Henley for him. "Here."

Buck thanks him before stripping out of his white undershirt and throwing on the clean shirt.

Eddie plops himself down on his bed with a sigh. "Hey, I'm sorry about all this mess. And on your one day off, too."

Buck sits down beside him, bumping their shoulders together. "I don't really know what's going on but, are you doing ok?"

"I don't know," Eddie makes a face. "I think I got broken up with today."

Buck cringes. "Shit, I'm sorry, what happened?"

That's a good question. Eddie ponders that a moment. Ana had said it herself: she understood perfectly why Eddie didn't blame Buck for what happened during the tsunami and she had seen first hand how much Buck cares for Christopher for herself today.

So, why?

"She said that there wasn't any room for her in my life?" Eddie scratches the back of his head. "Maybe I'm just not cut out for this dating stuff anymore."

"Aw, c'mon man," Buck pats him on the back. "You fall off the bike you gotta get right back on." He turns his body all the way around so that he's facing Eddie fully. "Dude, you're a catch. You're a handsome, badass firefighter, you've got the best kid, and hey--you got me." Buck grins toothily.

Eddie rolls his eyes, though he can't help but smile. "So what I'm hearing here is that I'm stuck with you?"

"Oh yeah, for sure." Buck laughs.

Eddie leans back on his arms and looks up at his best friend, pensive. "Promise?"

Buck extends his pinky and wiggles it in front of Eddie, who smiles as he wraps his pinky around Buck's. "Promise."

.

[southotheborder]

SIEMBRA

A Sequel to Narcos

Chapter 6: Family First

Title: Family First

Rating: 18+ (M)ature

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of violence, alcohol

Word Count: 2739

Pairing: Female OC x Male OC

Masterlist || Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

A/N: We have a special guest in this chapter *wink wink*

“Did you know we are all the object of another's imagination?”

“Alright everyone. First thing…please pass up your essays to the front row. If I don’t say it now, I’ll end up forgetting again and you’ve all been given enough time to write this thing.”

Javier looked under the podium for an extra pack of aspirin. The coffee did nothing to mediate his hangover.

He finished the bottle of tequila over the weekend while fixing up the truck. It was time to admit it. He needed an upgrade, but he kept holding off on it because, well, it’s not like he had that many places to go to.

“In the seventies and the eighties, so called scholars argued that it would be counterproductive for terrorists to use weapons of mass destruction… because if they did, they would have a harder time appealing to the masses. We’ve come to learn that this isn’t the case. When I was in those chairs,” he pointed at the class, “we applied Berkowitz’s psychological criteria to determine which types of characters would be most likely to try to use WMDs. The nuclear terrorism expert in your textbook disagrees. She points out one flaw in his argument – that executing such acts require a group effort, central planning…something which many of those listed by Berkowitz do not have the ability to do.”

Javier paused, looking to see if anyone had anything to say.

“Now tying this back to our focus in Latin America, fifty to seventy percent of the younger members of urban terrorist networks in the southern continent are university students. This is important to note…it’s been argued that terrorists in the developing world come from the working or lower classes, but not from what we’ve seen in Latin America where even the older recruits are educated professionals.”

He paused again; his gaze momentarily fixated on Thomas’ empty chair.

“What I’ve wondered…is why the chapters of this updated edition gloss over the role of women in the formation, execution, and success of these networks. Several leftist operations have been led by women; some groups only recruited women. We’ll be looking at what prompts these women to join and even command certain operations.”

“Excuse me, professor Peña…may I briefly interrupt?” A young faculty member shyly opened the door of the classroom. She adjusted the big frames of her glasses as he motioned her to come in.

“Everything alright?” Is it that obvious that I’m hungover?

She led him to the hallway. “I’m sorry to interrupt right in the middle of your lecture, but there’s someone here to see you.”

“It can’t wait?”

“I made it clear you were in the middle of a class, but my director told me to come get you as soon as possible. Says it can’t wait.”

Javier’s eyebrows creased with anticipation. What’d I do this time?  He searched for a piece of gum in the pocket of his tan dress pants, forgetting he left the pack in the matching suit jacket.

“Didn’t think I’d live to see a day where Javier Peña was teaching students.” It was that familiar Virginia drawl. “I’ll tell ya, I sure as hell didn’t believe it when they told me. Had to see it for myself.”

“Look who it is… thought you might’ve retired and gone duck hunting back home.” Javier shut the door and went to give his old partner a hug. “How are the girls? How’s Connie?”

“The girls are settling in. Connie’s back in her scrubs at the hospital. And you? How’s life in Texas treating ya?”

“Can’t complain, the university’s got a good air conditioning system.”

Steve stared at him. That’s all this man has to say?

“So, what brought you here? I know it’s hard being away from me and all,” Javier tittered with subdued curiosity.

“Well… here it goes. DEA’s been focusing on the shit left behind after Felix Gallardo’s arrest in Mexico. Took em a while, really. But the pressure is on now because there’s just too many traffickers to keep an eye on. Cartel de los Valencia. Does that ring a bell?”

Javier shook his head.

“A family of avocado farmers…from Tamaulipas, right across the border from Laredo. Two decades ago, they started growin’ pot and poppy in Michoacan and Jalisco. From there, they started selling to the bigger Mexican traffickers. You remember the Ochoa Brothers? The Valencias were smuggling their coke too. So while these fuckers aren’t new, they sure got their eyes on something big – synthetic drugs. And when we took a closer look, a lot of these guys are operating under the cover of legit businesses.”

“Why are you telling me all this, Steve?”

“Because my guys have been keepin’ a close eye on different sources that can lead us closer to the Valencias…and it turns out that one of those sources led me back here.”

“To me? You think I’m distributing pot from Kingsville?”

“Jav, latest word from Mexico City is that a thirty-year-old journalist left the country a few months ago after publishing allegations against both governments’ cooperation with various cartels. Thing is, we initially thought he’d gotten killed, and that the Mexican government was covering it up. Turns out, we were wrong.”

“I’m still not seeing how this involves me…”

“We found him in Agua Dulce, making a few international calls to Mexico. Couldn’t track much, but… it was enough to get his location. One of my guys followed him. Guess where he stopped by? This campus. Smart guy like him, it didn’t surprise me at first. I kept an eye on him, looks like he’s been meeting with someone.”

“So he’s got a little girlfriend on campus? Let me tell ya, it ain’t easy–, “ Javier smirked to himself.

“No. This ain’t about a girl. Anyway, I looked up the kid he’s been meeting with...found out he was registered to a class taught by Javier Peña. Naturally, I almost spit my coffee out.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Javier rolled his head back in frustration. “Fuckin’ kid…”

He needed a cigarette.

“You knew about this?”

“He’s a smart kid. Wants to do a lot of good, but yeah, he’s been researching some shit that I told him to drop. Fuck.”

“You got this kid's research on hand?”

•••

“Señorita Ximena, it really is a pleasure to have you back at the hacienda,” Mateo inserted before redirecting his focus on the blue agave fields. “As I was saying…in the past five years, blue agave production averaged around two million tons in the State of Jalisco.”

“That’s low. I spoke with Fidel and Homero last week. They’re saying the demand for tequila continues to get higher in the States. If we don’t increase…there’s going to be pressure to produce a mixed variety.”

Tequila producers prefer to export to consumers because it can be sold at higher prices. While Mexican drinkers want to consume just as much, if not more, the Mexican consumption of the drink has gradually decreased. To keep up with the demand, several companies began to put quality on the sidelines. By law, tequila must be made with 51% agave. Producers are free to complete the remaining 49% by adding sugars prior to the fermentation process; producing what is known as mixtos. They have the same body as 100% pure agave tequila but are of substantially lower quality. For aficionados…and chemists like Ximena, that was an outrage, but it was ideal for consumers who did not want or could not afford the high prices of ultra-premium tequila. The problem that producers face is properly planning ahead. It takes seven years for the blue agave plant to mature and many things can happen in a consumer market within those seven years.

Mateo managed production at the hacienda’s distillation plant. He was a few years older than Ximena, a loyal employee to the family with a degree in chemical engineering. It was becoming more and more difficult for him to work with her each day. He had a crush on her, but it faded when Ximena returned for her master’s degree at UNAM. When she returned to the hacienda, wearing her brown cowboy boots, tan suede hat, and jeans, he was smitten all over again by the bronze of her skin.

“Don Ignacio wasn’t opposed to mixing if the demand gets too high.”

“But I am. Mira, hay de todo en la vida (there’s a bit of everything in this world). We are the chemists; they are the businessmen. We don’t tell them how to negotiate with partners. They don’t tell us how to manufacture.”

Ximena was worried about Garza Azul’s latest collection. Only fifty bottles had been released as prototypes and gifts for distributors and potential investors. Several responded with positive feedback. That meant the bars were raised high and she had much to prove to herself, and her family as she took on her position as Director of Operations.

Abuela Luz was the one to suggest to Emiliano that the collection should be named Xóchitl after she was inspired by the flowers growing in her garden - red dahlias - the national flower of Mexico. Abuela Luz wanted foreign consumers to know that Garza Azul hacienda was proud of its roots.

The Aztecs also venerated the flower. To them, accepting a dahlia meant accepting an invitation for adventure – also interpreted as an invitation to commit infidelity. A red dahlia was a reminder between lovers that their passion isn’t only meant to be lived in a fleeting moment, but for a lifetime.

Mateo gestured her to pass in front of him through the archway of the courtyard. He took the opportunity to check her out, wishing he could stroke her long black hair, and embrace her under the afternoon sun. She still wore the same gold turquoise cuff and necklace. It seemed as if, after those few years of her absence, nothing about her changed. She still spoke in that same euphonic voice, confident in her words, but never domineering. He wanted her to look into his blue eyes and read all that his lips were too embarrassed to express.

With Eduardo gone, Mateo wondered how inappropriate it would be to hint at his feelings. Ximena wasn’t the type of woman that smiled in photos, never the type of woman to ask for help, or be burdened by sentiment. But if you offered her a glass of her favorite drink, she’d sit and talk for hours, regardless of who you were or where you came from.

Mateo knew this. He still remembered those nights on the terrace of the hacienda. They’d joke around, talk about current events, but it was always at a distance. He could never really tell if she wanted to be there or if she did it out of courtesy. She never allowed anyone to get too close to her - never too close to smell the scent of her perfume or to feel the warmth of her body. Did she yearn for touch or was she immune to it?

It didn’t matter whether Eduardo was in the picture or not. He assumed she still harbored some sort of love for him because of the gold band on her right hand. For one reason or another, she hadn’t taken off the ring, hadn’t fully removed the last remnant of him from her skin, and it reminded Mateo that he was best keeping his feelings contained.  

•••

“You had all this at your fingertips, and you didn’t even think to call me once?” Steve shook his head in disbelief at Javier.

“Why would I do that? I’m not DEA. It’s not my concern anymore.”

“We went through a lot of shit down in Colombia, Jav. I know that. But if you’re gonna let that distort your view of everything…it’s not the way, man. This right here,” he threw the research papers on the desk, “is serious stuff.”

He shrugged. Steve was starting to overstay his welcome.

“Anything else before I open my door for office hours?”

“That student of yours…Thomas Hirsch? Where is he?”

“Don’t get the kid involved in this shit, Murphy!”

“A little too late for that. I need to get to him and that reporter before anyone else does because, I hate to break it to you, but there’s a lot of people who want their heads.”

Fuck. Javier rubbed his eyes out. “He wasn’t in class today.”

•••

Ximena sat on the couch with her father as he smoked a cigar. Only close relatives were allowed in his office. No one knew that during the summer months, she would sneak Eduardo into the study so he could browse through her father’s collection of Spanish Golden Age literature.

Once, they spent the entire night acting out scenes from Lope de Vega’s Madness in Valencia – Ximena acting as Erifila, the daughter of a well-to-do family who escapes with a servant who ends up robbing her of everything. The thief leaves her in the streets, making those who find her believe she is destitute and crazy. Eduardo played Floriano, a man pretending to be crazy to avoid punishment for killing the prince of Valencia.

They’d drink a bottle of wine, dress up in the most outrageous costumes she’d find in the antique shops of Mexico City, and secretly spend their nights like that in laughter, carelessness, and bliss.

“Your uncle Ignacio was at UNAM when the DFS shot at hundreds of innocent students in the Tlatelolco Massacre. Your abuela almost lost her mind that day when she heard the news reports. It was a horrible, horrible day in this country’s history…”

“Pero papi –“

“Let me finish, princesa. What I’m saying is that that happened two years before you were born. The same struggles you were so passionate about when you were a student are the same ones we had when we were in college. A lot of our friends died in that massacre for simply voicing their beliefs against the government…we don’t forget it, but we learn how to choose our battles, how to fight those battles…”

“Eduardo doesn’t deserve this though. It’s not fair.”

“Of course it’s not. But we don’t live in a fair world. And I won’t allow you to get caught up in this mess because of him. You’re older now, you’re wiser. Eduardo never stopped dreaming, and now he can’t wake up from a nightmare. A man that is worth your love should be realistic, should have experience in life, should know that there are monsters out in this world so that he won’t get caught off guard in the future.”

The phone rang. A call from the United States. Homero and Fidel had stopped in Nevada to meet with a potential investor. They were worried. A partnering company had successfully begun the construction of distribution warehouses in Texas, California, and Colorado, but with the news of Mexican kidnappings, trafficking, and blackmailing, some potential investors were concerned about the future of the market. They wanted assurance that Garza Azul wouldn't be impacted by the narco-terrorism plaguing the country.

The State of Jalisco was not immune to the increasing crime. Guadalajara, its capital city attracted several traffickers since the seventies because of its bustling economy. Narcos from neighboring states saw the city as a safe spot because they knew the the federal government couldn’t strike traffickers without also striking bankers, doctors, and other politicians as mass casualty.

Men like Emiliano Garza refused to allow the deterioration of his country to get in the way of his business, so he did what he knew best – he called for a gathering.

He assigned his wife, Maricruz, in charge of the decorative arrangements and his brother Ignacio to invite business colleagues from Mexico City and the State of Jalisco. Homero and Fidel would be responsible for bringing the investors to the hacienda.

Let them get an eye of this and they’ll regret not investing sooner.

Emiliano was a character larger than life. He laughed loudly and sought ways to transform obstacles into opportunities. A legacy. That is what he sought for his business and his family.

As Emiliano looked at his daughter, he wondered if there was something she was holding back. This would be the last time a disturbance like Eduardo’s would get in the way of his plans.

Next Chapter

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Notes:

Introductory quote by Mexican writer Carlos Fuentes in his work The Old Gringo

Tlatelolco Massacre - attack on civilians and students for protesting against the government in 1968

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Tags @a-trial-run-on-paper @radiowallet @blueeyesatnight @drabbles-mc @vanemando15

[outrunningthedark]

Am I the only one annoyed that people are making Eddie seeing his parents about him being queer and in the closest and they are why

Because on one hand I get it. Mexican religious parents from Texas. But maybe just maybe I want to see a pair of parents I know I won’t ever have or none of my cousins will ever have. Maybe for once I don’t want a sad or even more complicated queer love story. Maybe I just want Eddie to be accepted and loved for that reason despite his not so easy relationship with his parents. Maybe I want to see a man who is like me in so many ways be accepted by his blood family, because as much as we love our found families we did love our blood one first and that love has never gone away despite the pain it causes us.

Just this once I want a fictional character, who isn’t white, to get a easily accepted storyline. To be loved. To not make a huge deal out of him being queer. Let me hear about the generational trauma, let me hear about the trauma of having to learn that to be a man means no feelings, let me see the trauma of why he second guesses every choice as a parent that he makes because of how much he was told he was a bad father.

But also let me see Eddie Diaz loved and accepted for being queer. Let viewers who are like him have hope and see a possibility of that life for them. Let us get a break from reality.

(Also the fact that so many people are so quick to jump on them being homophobic (I’ll be honest I loathe Ana but they did this with her as well) is rather curious considering they ain’t exactly white. While I’ve seen loads of fanfic where buck has supportive parents (even now))

NONNIE!! I COULD HUG YOU RIGHT NOW!!

I posted this in October after EddieAna broke up and fandom started REALLY contemplating the possibility of a Queer Eddie storyline:

———————————————

Internalized homophobia/homophobic parents does not interest me in the slightest simply because it’s been done SO many times. (And this isn’t me saying my experience was better. My parents didn’t force religion on us and they’ve got no issues with the LGBTQ+ community, but they’re not the most vocal people. We’re usually not engaging in conversation about queer stuff unless I bring it up first because they don’t know what they’re “supposed to say”.)

I do understand the emotional attachment to Eddie - they see themselves and would like their own religious guilt/homophobic family reflected through him. It would be hypocritical of me to dismiss those feelings when I consistently applaud the show for depicting Shannon the way they did. People wanted her to be redeemed so badly because they felt like she deserved another chance. But that wouldn’t have been an accurate representation of what it’s like for A LOT of disabled people raised by parents who never learn(ed) to accept the cards they were dealt. Check disability headlines once in awhile, y’all. The writers went easy on your girl.

One thing I will say, though, is that I find it odd people were so quick to call for the redemption of Shannon, but they also think Eddie’s parents cannot/should not be portrayed differently and that Eddie needs to cut ties for good 🤔 And if the excuse is “kid vs. adult” … way to support the idea that change has an age limit! (@anyone reading this who’s fine with disliking Shannon: I’m not talking about you!)

Why don’t Ramon and Helena deserve the chance to understand their son better? 🤔 It’s not like we’re going to see them a ton moving forward regardless of what happens in 5x17. All “cutting ties” would do is prevent TPTB from bringing the Diaz family together for three minutes a year or two from now.

(Just want to add that your comment about fandom automatically headcanoning them as homophobic is exactly how I feel about their ableism in fics. There’s been NOTHING to support the idea that they belittle their grandson because of his disability and yet basically every fic I’ve ever read has them saying some of the rudest shit that even the writers wouldn’t dare put in a script. 😐😑😶)

[gunterfan1992]

Season One of “Adventure Time”: Short Episode Reviews

At the start of 2021, I had this idea to write up a book wherein I reviewed every episode of Adventure Time, condensing my thoughts down into a few paragraphs. It seemed easy enough at the time —I could knock a season out in a week, no prob, I thought — but it turns out it was quite the challenge. Part of this was the difficulty of boiling everything down into a few coherent paragraphs that didn’t just repeat the ideas that “This episode is wacky. This episode is bad.” (I was also dealing with untreated ADHD, so that probably didn’t help.) Even though it was a hurdle, I still got through seasons 1-4, and I thought I’d post my reviews here. Maybe one day I’ll do something with ‘em, but for now, enjoy!

Season 1, Episode 1. “Slumber Party Panic” (692-009)

Airdate: April 5, 2010

Production Information: Elizabeth Ito and Adam Muto (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Synopsis: Princess Bubblegum accidentally resurrects a violent mob of candy zombies, which leads to Finn doing the unthinkable: He breaks a royal promise to Bubblegum.

Commentary: It is always a delight to remind people that Adventure Time—a show that would go on to win a slew of prestigious awards and be lauded by critics as one of the smartest kids show that has ever been made—begins with Princess Bubblegum “add[ing] three more drops of explosive diarrhea” to a scientific mixture with which she hopes to bring the dead back to life. This elision of a macabre topic like the resurrection of the dead with a poop joke is in many ways emblematic of the sort of humor upon which Adventure Time was built, and while “Slumber Party Panic” might not be the season’s best episode, it does a solid job introducing the odd, madcap energy that would allow the show to flourish in its youth.

The plot to “Slumber Party Panic”—storyboarded by future series director Elizabeth Ito as well as eventual showrunner Adam Muto—was hammered out well before the show’s mythology was set in stone, and so some of the more hyperbolic plot points from this episode (e.g., the dramatic revelation that candy citizens explode when scared, or the fact that the Gumball Guardians are also the nigh-omnipotent Guardians of the Royal Promise, who can stop and reverse time itself) had to be ignored in later seasons. Nevertheless, the main characters’ personalities are all firmly established, allowing them to play off one another in a way that does not feel forced or misguided; Jeremy Shada and John DiMaggio, in particular, have excellent chemistry, breathing whimsical life into Finn and Jake right off the bat. All things considered, “Slumber Party Panic” is a fun entry and a solid preview of the silliness that was to come. (3.5 stars)

Season 1, Episode 2. “Trouble in Lumpy Space” (692-015)

Airdate: April 5, 2010

Production Information: Elizabeth Ito and Adam Muto (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “Trouble in Lumpy Space” is a Ito-Muto production that introduces us to Lumpy Space Princess, the loquacious and dramatic drama queen who was destined to become one of the show’s breakout stars. A sentient blob of “irradiated stardust,” Lumpy Space Princess is an alien valley girl parody voiced by none other than series creator Pendleton Ward himself, and this episode does a commendable job illustrating the character’s immaturity and her ridiculously inflated sense of self-importance. This makes for good entertainment in and of it itself, but what really bumps this episode up a peg is the vocal delivery of the cast. Adventure Time always excelled when it came to its voice acting, but in this episode it is obvious that in this episode Jeremy Shada, John DiMaggio, and Pendleton Ward had extra fun playing around with their ridiculous “lumpy space” accents.

Aesthetically, this episode is quite the sensory experience. Lumpy Space itself is a hauntingly beautiful alien dimension of dark magenta skies and purple, pillowy clouds; it is a right shame that the show very rarely made use of this unique environment, considering how pleasant it is to look at. The episode’s soundtrack is also deserving of recognition, with much of the background music—especially the vapid pop tune that plays while Finn, Jake, and Lumpy Space Princess hitch a ride in Melissa’s car—recalling the elastic hyperpop that electro-wizzes from PC Music produce. The tunes add an extra dimension to the whole experience, helping to sell the idea that Lumpy Space is a silly but alien otherworld. (3 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 3. “Prisoners of Love” (692-005)

Airdate: April 12, 2010

Production Information: Adam Muto and Pendleton Ward (storyboard artists); Craig Lewis and Adam Muto (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Ice King! Beginning the series as a cartoonishly incompetent antagonist, Ice King would grow into one of the show’s most well-developed characters. While “Prisoners of Love,” being the character’s debut episode, sees the Ice King still in his one-dimensional “wicked wizard” stage, there are hints even at this early juncture—like the character’s dramatic insistence to pluck out a yogurt chip from his trail mix, or his spasmodic attempts to play the drums—that the Ice King is more than just a textbook baddie. Is he evil? Judging by his actions, it often looks that way, but there is also a deep sadness to him that makes even his worst behavior somewhat pitiful.

But as pathetic as he may be, Ice King’s lecherous habit of kidnapping princesses is completely unacceptable (Princesses, Adventure Time would like to remind us, should never be married against their will), and by episode’s end, Ice King receives his just desserts—a feminist-fueled kick to the face, courtesy of Finn the Human. The moral of the story is clear: Poor old Ice King might just be lonely, but that does not excuse him for acting like a frost-bitten incel. (‰3.5 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 4. “Tree Trunks” (692-016)

Airdate: April 12, 2010

Production Information: Sean Jimenez and Bert Youn (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “Tree Trunks” introduces the audience to the eponymous character, voiced by Polly Lou Livingston, an eccentric octogenarian with a pronounced southern drawl whom Pendleton Ward knew growing up in Texas. Despite Tree Trunks appearing as a sweet old pachyderm, much of her dialog is riddled with double entendres and subtle sex jokes that go over the heads of children, and as such, she is something of a divisive character in the Adventure Time fandom: While some viewers find her hilarious, others find her decidedly off-putting. In this episode, however, storyboard artists Sean Jimenez and Bert Youn strike a decent balance between the character’s funny and creepy sides (case in point: The scene wherein Tree Trunks, in the gawdiest of makeup, tries to seduce an evil monster with her “womanly charms and elephant prowess”). The major exception to this overall balance is the episode’s decidedly morbid conclusion, which features Tree Trunks exploding after tasting the crystal apple. This was perhaps the show’s first non sequitur ending, and almost certainly left an indelible imprint on the minds of viewers young and old alike. (3 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 5. “The Enchiridion!” (692-001)

Airdate: April 19, 2010

Production Information: Patrick McHale, Adam Muto, and Pendleton Ward (storyboard artists and story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: According to the annals of cartoon history, the initial storyboard for “The Enchiridion” was whipped up by Ward and his crew members to prove to Cartoon Network that Adventure Time could be developed into a full-fledged series. This was almost certainly a stressful task, which necessitated that Ward et al. dissect the pilot, determine what elements worked, and then infuse those elements into a new storyboard. As a result of this “open art transplant,” there are quite a few analogs between the pilot and “The Enchiridion!”—e.g., the wacky dancing, the dream sequences, the ridiculous language—but this episode does a solid job of emulating the style of the pilot without wholesale duplicating it.

In terms of plot, “The Enchiridion!” is a fairly predictable adventure story, but it is one with enough clever variations that prevent the whole affair from dragging or being too boring; standout scenes include Finn and Jake having to deal with granny-zapping gnomes, and the D&D-inspired reverie in which Finn is tempted to slay an “unaligned” ant. The episode is further buoyed by several fun guest stars (including Mark Hamill, Fred Tatasciore, and even Black Flag’s Henry Rollins) that sprinkle a little additional energy on top of the whole thing. Given the exuberant fun of the episode and the way it easily introduces us to supporting characters like Princess Bubblegum, it is intriguing why the producers did not choose “The Enchiridion!” as the series premiere. That question aside, “The Enchiridion!” is one of the season’s stronger episode and an excellent place to start if you want a crash course in what made early Adventure Time so unique. (4 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 6. “The Jiggler” (692-011)

Airdate: April 19, 2010

Production Information: Luther McLaurin and Armen Mirzaian (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “The Jiggler” opens on a fun, hyperactive note, with Finn singing “Baby,” a catchy song coated in layer upon layer of sweet, crisp autotune. But soon after Finn and Jake discover and “adopt” the titular creature, the affair quickly devolves into a cartoonish snuff film of two dullards accidentally torturing a wild animal; the whole thing is made worse by the high volume of bodily fluids excreted by the Jiggler. Thankfully, Finn and Jake are able to return the Jiggler to its mother before it keels over, but this victory is undermined given that the whole situation was Finn and Jake’s fault to begin with. Perhaps it is best to view all of this as a cautionary tale: No matter how cute a wild animal may look, you probably should not take it home and make it dance for you. (2 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 7. “Ricardio the Heart Guy” (692-007)

Airdate: April 26, 2010

Production Information: Sean Jimenez and Bert Youn (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon, Adam Muto, and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “Ricardio the Heart Guy” introduces the titular villain, the brainy-but-sleazy heart of the Ice King voiced to perfection by the sonorous George Takei. Given how arrogant the character acts even before his true intentions are revealed, it is not much of a shock that Ricardio is a rotten egg, and this lack of mystery drags the whole episode down to some degree. Nevertheless, Takei’s histronic performance injects into the episode a funny sort of melodrama, with is further reinforced by Casey James Basichis’s sparklingly dark score, which mixes in elements of opera alongside the usual chiptune blips and bloops to emphasize Ricardio’s pretentiousness. (3 stars‰)

  Season 1, Episode 8. “Business Time” (692-014)

Airdate: April 26, 2010

Production Information: Luther McLaurin and Armen Mirzaian (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: On the surface, “Business Time” is but a silly parody of corporate culture that sees Finn and Jake become the veritable CEOs of an adventuring firm. It is a silly little set up, and the show has good fun poking fun at business-speak and the deleterious effects of rampant corporatization. At the same time, by relegating Finn and Jake to the sidelines near the middle of the episode, “Business Time” does itself a disservice by focusing not on the wacky shenanigans of the business men, but rather on the mundanity of Finn and Jake’s “managerial life.” It all comes together in the end, when Finn and Jake are forced to jump into the fray and destroy the Business Men’s vacuum robot, but the noticeable lag there in the middle of everything throws the pacing of the episode off.

But while “Business Time” might not be the strongest first-season entry, it has gained respect in the fandom for being the first episode to underline that the Land of Ooo exists in the far future after some sort of nuclear holocaust. In an interview with USA Today, Ward explained that this was a natural development that he had never planned: “[When] we did [the] episode about businessmen rising up from an iceberg at the bottom of a lake … that made the world post-apocalyptic, and we just ran with it” (X). Considering how major the post-apocalyptic trappings would become to the show’s mythology, it is a bit startling to learn that it was added in on a whim. Regardless, it was an inspired choice that added a tinge of sadness to the story of Finn and Jake. They were not just frolicking in some fantasy world; they were frolicking in the ruins of our world, long after nuclear war had devasted the planet. Is it bleak? Absolutely! But this bleakness contrasts nicely with Adventure Time’s colorful surface, resulting in a deeply rich ambivalence. Not many shows—let alone children’s shows!—have managed to fuse such extremes into a workable whole. (3.5 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 9. “My Two Favorite People” (692-004)

Airdate: May 3, 2010

Production Information: Kent Osborne and Pendleton Ward (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: Almost all the first-season episodes that we have considered so far have placed a heavy emphasis on comedy. The point of these episodes is to make you laugh, and anything beyond that is gravy. “My Two Favorite People,” in contrast, may be the first that is grounded on a solidly emotional foundation, and while the episode is very funny, it is primarily interested in telling the poignant story of two brothers and a gal they both like. If anyone has ever found themselves caught up in a love triangle—whether real or, as in the case of this episode, imagined—Jake’s actions, although immature, will likely feel relatable. It is a cheesy cliché, but the story’s strength is that it all feels so real (which I recognize is a funny thing to say about a cartoon dog and his unicorn-rainbow beau).

“My Two Favorite People” is the first episode that really features Lady Rainicorn as a mover of the plot rather than just a fun side character, and it is a wonderful showcase for her. While a handful of later installments—namely season four’s “Lady & Peebles” and season eighth’s “Lady Raincorn of the Crystal Dimension”—would try to highlight Lady, “My Two Favorite People” is arguably the character’s funniest episodes, thanks in large part to her use of a universal translator, which allows the other characters to understand her. To some, a device such as this may seem like a cop-out, but storyboard artists Kent Osborne and Pendleton Ward cleverly preempt this criticism by making the device’s only useable setting one that gives Lady the voice of a great-great grandfather. Lady’s “old-man voice” is an episode highlight, and it makes many of the character’s lines (e.g., “Come on my darling! Wrap your legs around me!”) both hilarious and unsettling. (4 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 10. “Memories of Boom Boom Mountain” (692-010)

Airdate: May 3, 2010

Production Information: Sean Jimenez and Bert Youn (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: During the production of season one Ward exerted considerable effort trying to shepherd the show’s crew in a coherent direction, all the while responding to critiques levelled by dozens of Cartoon Network executives. Many of these critiques were contradictory, and in the process of creating something that he was proud of while also appeasing everyone around him, Ward very nearly went bananas. The experience provided the bedrock for “Memories of Boom Boom Mountain,” and to anyone who has been given the arduous task of pleasing a whole slew of prickly critics, the episode will be immediately relatable.

In terms of the show’s budding mythology, “Memories of Boom Boom Mountain” is notable because it firmly establishes that Finn was adopted as a baby by Jake’s canine parents, Joshua and Margaret. This plot point was likely guided less by worldbuilding and more by humor (perhaps playing on the whole “raised by wolves” idiom). Nevertheless, this decision would have major ramifications for the show’s overarching narrative. Finn’s nature as the only human in Ooo was no longer a silly afterthought—it was now a mystery. Just who is Finn the Human, and where did he come from? These questions would linger for seasons, finally culminating in season eight’s touching miniseries Islands. (4 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 11. “Wizard” (692-020)

Airdate: May 10, 2010

Production Information: Pete Browngardt, Adam Muto, and Bert Youn (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “Wizard”—co-storyboarded by Pete Browngardt, an artist who storyboarded on Chowder and The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack before creating the divisive Uncle Grandpa for Cartoon Network—is an absolute bonkers installment that throws logic out the window by giving Finn and Jake magical powers. It is a plot setup almost guaranteed to be fun, and you can tell that the writers likely a good time coming up with increasingly asinine magical powers (e.g., “endless mayonnaise”).

But underneath all the distraught dust motes and captivating new hairstyles, “Wizard” also has a degree of depth, reading like a biting commentary on higher education-industrial complex in the United States. It does not seem coincidental that the strategies employ by Bufo’s scam wizard school are strikingly similar to those used by predatory colleges, which offer students a worthless degree alongside thousands of dollars of debt. The parallels are made stronger when it is revealed that all those whom Bufo has tricked are reluctant to upset the oppressive status quo, because they believe “newfangled thinking will get [everyone] killed”; this eerily mirrors those who downplay the student loan crisis, arguing that “that’s just the system works.” Finn will have none of this, however, and by episode’s end, he—channeling his myriad wizard powers and the vigor of “youth culture”—proves that if a system is broke, it has got to go. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from that. (4 stars‰)

  Season 1, Episode 12. “Evicted!” (692-003)

Airdate: May 17, 2010

Production Information: Sean Jimenez and Bert Youn (storyboard artists); Adam Muto (story writer); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “Evicted!” is considered a classic by most Adventure Time fans for one simple reason: It introduces the audience to Marceline the Vampire Queen. This iconic undead rocker chick managed to steal the spotlight whenever she appeared in an episode, and eventually she became one of the show’s more well-regarded characters. Given all this, there is some irony to the fact that in her debut, Marceline is the antagonist who steals our heroic duo’s beloved Tree Fort. Marceline is therefore similar to other season one baddies in that she tests Finn and Jake’s patience before engaging them in direct combat. But Marceline is set apart from other foes in how Finn and Jake defeat her—namely, that they do not. In fact, she pounds them into the ground almost effortlessly! Besting Finn and Jake is no easy task, meaning that while “Evicted!” might showcase Marceline’s nastier side, it nevertheless does an excellent job emphasizing how much of a badass she is; this goes a long way in explaining the character’s huge popularity.

But Marceline alone cannot an episode make. Luckily, “Evicted!” is further bolstered by several excellent design choices, including a bevy of fun background critters whipped up by character designer Tom Herpich, a slew of colorful background designs courtesy of Ghostshrimp and Santino Lascano, and a killer soundtrack. Regarding the latter, the stand-out tune is inarguably “House Hunting Song,” a comically overblown ballad detailing Finn and Jake’s arduous quest to find a new place to live. The song, sung mostly by Ward with a few lines delivered by Olson, is an emotion-laden earworm guaranteed to wiggle its way into your brain. (I mean, how can you not love a song that blames the murderous tendencies of vampires on simply being “burnt out on dealing with mortals”?) It very much is the blood-red cherry on top of everything, which helps to make “Evicted!” one of the season’s strongest episodes. (5 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 13. “City of Thieves” (692-012)

Airdate: May 24, 2010

Production Information: Sean Jimenez and Bert Youn (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “City of Thieves” is a workable if somewhat forgettable mid-season entry. The episode’s main strength is its titular setting, a bizarro municipality where theft is the law of the land. Unfortunately, the city is nothing more than a silly plot device, and the episode itself never really rises above “fine.” (2.5 stars‰)

  Season 1, Episode 14. “The Witch’s Garden” (692-022)

Airdate: June 7, 2010

Production Information: Adam Muto, Kent Osborne, and Niki Yang (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: If you think the idea of Jake sassing Ooo’s cattiest witch is funny in and of itself, wait until you see this episode’s visuals. From Jake’s grotesque but silly “manbaby body” to the abject horror of Gary the Mermaid Queen, “The Witch’s Garden” is replete with several memorable character designs that make it a satisfying entry. (3 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 15. “What Is Life?” (692-017)

Airdate: June 14, 2010

Production Information: Luther McLaurin and Armen Mirzaian (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: Giving Finn and Ice King a son is not a move that I thought Adventure Time would ever make, let alone in the first season, but here we are. The bouncing baby boy in question is actually a clunky robot named NEPTR, voiced to sadsack perfection by comedian and musician Andy Milonakis. If you had told me prior to this episode that Milonakis could give a sentient microwave a sense of pathos, I would have never believed you, but in “What Is Life?” he does a commendable job conveying NEPTR’s pitiful nature. As for the episode itself, “What Is Life?” is a solid entry that introduces viewers to several recurring characters (one of whom being Gunter the penguin) while offering us a peek into the Ice King’s sad, lonely mind. (3 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 16. “Ocean of Fear” (692-025)

Airdate: June 21, 2010

Production Information: J. G. Quintel and Cole Sanchez (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “Oceans of Fear”—storyboarded by Cole Sanchez and J. G. Quintel, the latter of whom would go on to create Regular Show for Cartoon Network—is in an interesting installment that establishes Finn’s fear of the ocean, reminding the viewer that even great heroes will be forced to deal with irrational phobias at some point in their life. The character designs in this episode are quite amusing (with the standout being Finn’s grotesque “fear of the Ocean” face), and Mark Hamill, as always, does a wonderful job, using his trademark “Joker voice” to give the Fear Feaster a delightful air of villainy. But as with “Business Time,” many of these elements are upstaged by the episodes’ post-apocalyptic trappings. In fact, when I watched the episode for the first time, I paused it in several places, asking to myself, “Is that a wrecked battleship? Is that a bombed-out tank? Why are there ruins of a city underwater?” It is an understatement to say that this episode is positively littered with rusted debris and centuries-old detritus that testifies to Ooo’s traumatic history. For eagle-eyed fans hoping to piece together Adventure Time’s mysterious mythology, this episode is an absolute hoot. (‰3.5 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 17. “When Wedding Bells Thaw” (692-013)

Airdate: June 28, 2010

Production Information: Kent Osborne and Niki Yang (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: One of the first episodes to team Ice King up with Finn and Jake, “When Wedding Bells Thaw” is a goofy lampooning of bachelor parties and the institution of marriage in general. Although the episode ends on a fairly predictive note (spoiler alert: Ice King tricked his fiancée into marriage), seeing Ice King get along with our heroes is charming, and in many ways it presages the Ice King’s future character growth. The episode’s strongest part is the short dialogue-free montage near the middle depicting Finn, Jake, and Ice King getting into all sorts of “manlorette party” shenanigans; this sequence is made all the stronger by Tim Kiefer’s chiptune score, which enlivens the party with a burst of synthesizers and electro-drums. (3 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 18. “Dungeon” (692-013)

Airdate: June 28, 2010

Production Information: Elizabeth Ito and Adam Muto (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: If there is one episode that feels like the entirety of Adventure Time’s first season distilled down into 11 minutes, then it would be “Dungeon.” An episode replete with outrageous monsters and wacky action, “Dungeon” is a high-energy installment that pays homage to the sprawling world of table-top gaming; indeed, it is not hard to imagine storyboard artists Elizabeth Ito and Adam Muto reaching for a D20 or a well-worn copy of the Monster Manual whenever it came time to block out a new scene. Stand-out moments from this episode include Finn’s encounter with the Demon Cat (famous for having “approximate knowledge of many things”), his visitation by a “guardian angel,” and the deus ex machina ending that see Princess Bubblegum swoop in to save the day. (“Get on my swan!”) And amidst all the silliness, “Dungeon” even manages to sneak in a sweet little message tucked snuggly in between all the wacky monsters about the importance of recognizing your weaknesses. (‰4.5 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 19. “The Duke” (692-023)

Airdate: July 12, 2010

Production Information: Elizabeth Ito and Adam Muto (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: For most of season one, the audience is presented a version of Princess Bubblegum that is bright, effervescent, and totally nonthreatening; the monarch, it seems, is as aggressive as a marshmallow. But in “The Duke,” this all changes, and we finally get to see the princess’s darker, authoritarian side. Unhinged Princess Bubblegum is quite a sight to behold (as is the sight of green-and-bald Bubblegum), but it adds another layer of to the saccharine sovereign, setting her up for substantial character development a few seasons down the road. (3 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 20. “Freak City” (692-008)

Airdate: July 26, 2010

Production Information: Tom Herpich and Pendleton Ward (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “Freak City” introduces the audience to Magic Man, a deranged and flamboyant Martian wizard known for meaninglessly harassing the citizens of Ooo. Although the character’s backstory would be fleshed out in later seasons and eventually come to play a major part in the mythology of the series, this episode was storyboarded well before these developments were dreamed up, meaning that here, Magic Man functions as a simple (albeit funny) villain-of-the-week whose nihilistic tendencies clash wonderfully with Finn’s optimistic worldview. Finn is so used to dividing the world up into “good guys” and “evil guys,” but his run-in with Magic Man is proof that morality is far more confusing than he would like to believe. The main problem is that Magic Man is not really evil: He is clinically insane—a violent psychopath—who does not care about his actions impacting others. No climactic fight or eleventh-hour pep talk is enough to fix him.

On top of this rather weighty consideration of morality and mental instability, “Freak City” contains another, more straightforward message about the power of teamwork and how people should work as one to overcome common problems. Storyboard artists Pendleton Ward and Tom Herpich have quite a bit of fun taking the idiom literally by forcing Finn and the other denizens of Freak City pile on top of one another to function as a single, grotesque being that is capable of fighting Magic Man. While “Freak City” loses some points for espousing rhetoric that folks who are depressed can simply will themselves out of their funk, it makes up for these deficits elsewhere with its character designs—ranging from the inside-out bird to the two-headed monster that Finn groin-strikes—which are all bizarre in the best, most creative way possible. (3.5 stars‰)

  Season 1, Episode 21. “Donny” (692-018)

Airdate: August 9, 2010

Production Information: Adam Muto, Kent Osborne, and Niki Yang (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: A rather forgettable protagonist and only a smattering of memorable lines make “Donny” the season’s weakest link. The episode does get points for introducing us to “whywolves” (“Creatures possessed by the spirit of inquiry—and bloodlust!”), but they are not enough to completely save it from mediocrity. (2 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 22. “Henchman” (692-021)

Airdate: August 23, 2010

Production Information: Luther McLaurin and Cole Sanchez (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: While “Evicted!” depicted Marceline as an apathetic asshole, “Henchman” starts to soften the vampire queen by showing that her evil exterior is an elaborate facade, and that deep down she is really just a prank-loving trickster—or, as Finn puts it, “a radical dame who likes to play games.” This might seem nothing more than a subtle tweak, but it does wonders for Marceline’s characterization; by episode’s end, as Finn and his vampiric “master” chat quite cheerfully in a field of strawberries, it is clear that the writers are setting up Marceline to become a legitimate pal to Finn and Jake, rather than just an avatar of chaos who drops in every once in awhile to shake things up. This was a wise decision, as it provided Marceline with the chance to grow into a hero in her own right with whom the audience can happily cheer along.

Since “Henchman” is predicated on Marceline pranking Finn, storyboard artists Luther McLaurin and Cole Sanchez have a great deal of fun mocking up outrageous scenarios that seem evil at first glance, but are revealed to be quite benign. Perhaps the funniest of these situations is Marceline raising an army of undead skeletons only to throw them a concert, and the vampire queen’s demand that Finn kill a little dimple-plant, which looks like a cutie before it turns into an Audrey II-esque abomination from John Carpenter’s darkest nightmares. (4 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 23. “Rainy Day Daydream” (692-002)

Airdate: September 6, 2010

Production Information: Pendleton Ward (storyboard artist); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: “Rainy Day Daydream” is a beautiful representation of creativity in its purest form. Channeling his love of multilevel video games and Dungeons and Dragons, solo storyboard artist and series creator Pendleton Ward uses the pretext of Jake’s imagination affecting reality as an opportunity to bounce from one ridiculous plot point to another to great effect. The whole thing feels like an exercise in jovial spontaneity, and while “writing the story as you go” can sometime result in disjointed or sloppy final products, here Ward makes it work, using the approach to illustrate the almost limitless potential of imagination. Another strength of the episode is the way it throws dozens of ridiculous obstacles at Finn and Jake without the aid of equally ridiculous visuals; in fact, almost every hindrance in the episode is invisible to both Finn and the audience, and we only learn what is going on thanks to Jake’s narration. The fact that this approach works and is not boring is a testament to Ward’s skills as a storyteller and dialogue writer. (‰4.5 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 24. “What Have You Done?” (692-027)

Airdate: September 13, 2010

Production Information: Elizabeth Ito and Adam Muto (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: In addition to providing us with another glimpse of Bubblegum’s dark side, “What Have You Done?” also serves as an interesting meditation on morality and preemptive punishment. As earlier episodes have confirmed, the Ice King is a creepy little deviant, but is it right for Finn and Jake to imprison him without a cause? This is a real legal question, and the show handles it in a surprisingly sophisticated way, concluding more or less that the writ of habeas corpus must be preserved. Of course, this is all undermined to some degree when we learn that the Ice King actually is to blame, but thanks to some quick thinking on the part of Finn, our heroes are able to save the day without having to turn to the carceral powers of the state. (And people say Adventure Time is not sophisticated...) (3 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 25. “His Hero” (692-026)

Airdate: September 20, 2010

Production Information: Adam Muto, Kent Osborne, and Niki Yang (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: Who is the greatest hero ever? If you answered, “Finn!” it is obvious that you have yet to see “His Hero,” for the correct answer is Billy, of course! Lou Ferrigno guest stars in this episode as the aforementioned defender of Ooo, enlivening the character with his distinctive voice. As for the episode itself, storyboard artists Kent Osborne and Niki Yang—with an assist from the ever-dependable Adam Muto—produce some of their best work this season, filling each scene with witty dialogue and zany shenanigans. Arguably, the episode’s pièce de resistance is the short montage of Billy’s past achievements, which plays alongside a song, sung by Muto, extolling the hero’s greatness; energetic and wacky, the song in many ways typifies the “chaotic heroism” that defined the show’s first season.

Like many other first-season episodes, “His Hero” ends with a counterintuitive “anti-moral,” stressing that while a commitment to non-violence might seem subversive on the surface, it is actually an ineffective way to make the world a better place; instead, the episode argues that direct physical action—i.e., beating the snot out of monsters and bad guys—is necessary if heroes want to save people from oppression. This may all come across as contrarian silliness, but I would argue that it is profoundly radical, rejecting “common sense” ideals about peace that really only help those in positions of power. (Side note, if the kids who grew up watching Adventure Time turn into a bunch of revolutionaries, I think we will know the cause.) (4 stars)

  Season 1, Episode 26. “Gut Grinder” (692-024)

Airdate: September 27, 2010

Production Information: Ako Castuera and Bert Youn (storyboard artists); Tim McKeon and Merriwether Williams (story writers); Larry Leichliter (director), Patrick McHale (creative director), Nick Jennings (art director)

Commentary: Much like “Ricardio the Heart Guy,” this episode suffers due to a lack of a solid mystery; from the start, it seems obvious that Jake is not the one responsible for the robberies. Furthermore, the reveal that Sharon is the one behind the robberies comes with almost no dramatical weight, since we have no idea who she is. The whole thing is forgettable, which is a shame given that this is the season finale. (2 stars)

(Huge shout out to @sometipsygnostalgic​ for reading over these a few months ago and offering feedback. Also, I want to thank @j4gm​ for posting his “Slumber Party Panic” review, which made me remember these write-ups!)