#and i am a huge fan of dead and dark space ships but I also like seeing something new and different

[thefirstknife]

What are your thoughts on the critisism that Neomuna, and more specifically cloudstriders, feel "out of place", or the feeling some have that Lightfall has a whole has thematically defied their expecations in a bad way? (insert that comparison of the key art from the BL reveal vs the current key art here.)

Really hard to critique any aspect of it currently before we know more and play it.

A lot of stuff in Destiny can feel really odd and out of place without any context! I remember similar doubt and questions about Lucent Hive for example. For any serious critique, I'll have to see the expansion first, learn more about Neomuna and Cloud Striders and see if their story fits and has something valuable to add to the setting.

So far, I don't think they're out of place. The ECHO ships and surviving human colonies outside of Earth have been seeded almost 3 years ago and I've quite literally accurately predicted how that specific lore is tied to Neomuna. I think it's a pretty cool way to tie in an older open-ended storyline with something new that they need for an expansion.

A story about "survivors of the Collapse" is pretty much a given, as that's something that we've always wondered about in the setting. Could some humans have escaped? Could they have survived? What would've happened if they did and how would've they developed if the Collapse hadn't stopped us? Going there and examining that story can give us valuable information about our past (Golden Age and speculation on what we could've achieved if it continued) and our fall (the Collapse, how it happened, what exactly happened, how to prevent it a second time). On top of that, it's giving us super cool scifi concepts about neo-human civilisations and advanced development through nanotechnology.

And yeah, the original key art was really striking; no colours, grim, very evocative with imagery of a Pyramid eclipsing the Traveler. It was of course simply just a base for the expansion. It was a placeholder. I've seen a lot of people saying that Bungie "robbed" us of something; they did not. They cannot rob us of something that never existed. Concept art is a really long process with millions of ideas being thrown around, especially placeholder concept art.

For what it's worth, from what we know about Lightfall, the base idea for the expansion is still the same. We are very much in deep trouble, especially if we're correct in our predictions that the Traveler is about to run and if the trailer's footage of a massive battle in Earth's orbit is anything to go by. Neomuna itself is under massive siege by a new disciple and the Witness itself. There are new enemies and enemy threats that we haven't seen for a long time acting up again (the Vex).

Is the expansion much more colourful in comparison with a black and white placeholder image? Yeah. But that doesn't remove the danger the system is in. I'm not sure what people expected. Destiny is not a super edgy setting of only doom and gloom. It certainly has a basis of incredibly terrible stuff going on, but it never presents it without a balance. Even in the Red War and Forsaken, things were still colourful and beautiful and had a lot of different vibes packed together.

To me, a massive fleet of Pyramid ships descending on colourful Neomuna is an incredibly powerful image with a really visceral theme of how nobody can successfully escape the Darkness forever. You can buy yourself time, but ultimately it will find you. I think that's a pretty doom and gloom theme. I feel like the only reason people aren't seeing it is because the original was black and white, while the current is colourful.

My only proper concern is that they're introducing a whole new aspect to the setting this late. Introducing it itself is not the issue as much as that we're 2 expansions (including Lightfall) until the end. There's still a lot of stuff to go through and solve and deal with so I'm not sure how wise it is to introduce a whole new set of characters and a setting of this scale. Of course, as with the rest of the question, we can't really fully make a judgement on that before we play.

[labyrinth-runner]

Become the Beast

Alright! So, No Content November is officially over. To break the spell, I am posting this.

Huge Thank you to @thepanakinanakin​ and @the-mandalorian-clone-lover​ for reading this every day when I wrote more for it. Seriously. This would not be here without your support and spitballing.

Summary: A Suitless!Vader x Reader fan fiction based off the song Become the Beast by Karliene. It takes place after the fall of the Order as Reader struggles to carve out a life without the guidance of the Order. It’s a discussion of fate versus the will of man, and whether we can run from our destiny. It’s got love, it’s got an unlikely friendship, it’s got angst, and a lot of OCs and adventures. It’s essentially like I took one-sided pining to enemies to lovers and dosed it with crack.

Word Count: almost 23k. I’ve literally been working on this the entire month of November.

Main Ship: Suitless! Vader x g/n Reader (truly Gender Neutral). 

Warnings: Um. Violence/fighting. It’s got a lot more action in it than I originally planned. But it’s not like its anything that SWs HASN’T done before. 

With one order, the world was in shambles. The balance was shifting. Where once there was light, there was now an all-consuming darkness like hundreds of candles that once burned brighter than the sun were snuffed out with precision and without mercy. Cries of agony could be felt like a ripple through the force, washing over you with an intensity that sent you to your knees. You held your head with one hand as your heart hammered in your chest. Kenobi and Skywalker must have failed. Your men called out for you, but you knew you couldn’t trust them. Hot tears stung your eyes as you felt that in your bones. The Order was over, your Master was dead, and you would be, too, if you didn’t get out of there. 

Placing a hand on the dusty ground, you slowed your breathing and listened, letting the force tell you all you needed to know. They were coming for you, but there was a city ahead with a spaceport. Rising to your feet, you took your braid in your hand. Your trials were to commence soon, but that didn’t matter now. You were no longer a Jedi, and no longer a Padawan. Taking your lightsaber from your hip, it felt heavy in your hand. Heavy with the knowledge that this war had destroyed everything the Order stood for. How many things had been destroyed with this saber? You mused as you turned it over in your hand. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. It ignited with a flash of light and with one fell swoop, it severed the last tie you had to the Order. To your Master. It barely made a sound as it landed on the scorched earth. Deactivating your weapon for what might be the last time, you replaced it on your hip before running, never looking back.

By the time the clones arrived to your last known position, it was too late. You were gone. The only thing left was the severed Padawan braid lying forgotten in the dirt.

You had ran that day, and in a sense, you never stopped. You were running from the Empire, from your past, afraid it would catch up to you. From world to world, you ran, taking the odd job here or there to afford fuel for your next adventure. If you could call it that. You never stayed in one place too long, too afraid you’d get attached. Attachments were bad, but not in the way the Jedi had taught you. Attachments meant you’d care about what happened when you were gone. You’d hear the boots of the stormtroopers on the ground as they ran their drills in the morning and you’d worry about the locals if you stayed too long. A few rotations here, a sabbatical there... never a full revolution on a planet. Your mind was always ten steps ahead of your feet, trying to stay under the radar. It was a game you played with the Empire, not that they knew you were playing. A wry smile crossed your face as you realized this. After all, wasn't that what the Clone Wars were? A game that the Jedi were pawns in, not even realizing they were playing. Not even the Chosen One had been spared, having fallen on Mustafar. 

You didn’t mind running, after all, you had gotten good at it. However, the ache for a home was apparent every now and then. A glimpse of a family here, or a group of friends there would send you into a deep reverie. You had had that once. Now, it was a luxury you couldn’t afford. It was an isolating life, but it was your life, running like a scared animal separated from its pack. Possibly the last of its kind. No, you weren’t the last. Somehow you could feel that much. There were still flames out there, but like yours they were muted, masking themselves from the Empire the best they could. Although there was strength in numbers, there was also safety in solitude. It was an unspoken law amongst the survivors. Worlds were not big enough for two, not when there was a target on your back. Still, looking at the families you’d seen along the way made you miss your own. Deep down you longed for the safety of the Temple and the support of a Master to guide you. Without both you felt like you were drifting in space, running blindly into the night in the hopes that you’d make it to dawn without being hunted by the predators that thrived in the dark. 

Your latest planet was quiet. Almost too quiet. The air was charged with anticipation, like they knew something you didn’t as you walked around the open air market. The citizens were tense, which put you on edge. Tension settled into your back, pulling taut across your shoulders as you pulled your hood further down your face to obscure you. You quickly placed your credits in the outstretched hand before taking your fruit and placing it in your pack. You were too exposed out here. Something told you that you should hide, like warning bells going off in your head. The hair on the nape of your neck stood up. That was when you heard it.

Footsteps.

They resounded in the distance, steadily drawing closer. Multiple feet in time with each other as they pounded the ground in a march. You could hear the unmistakable whines overhead.

TIE fighters.

Kriff. 

Taking a settling breath, you analyzed your surroundings. Fighting your way out of this was not something you were prepared to do. You’d just make your way towards the spaceport as quickly as you could. It would be fine. Pressing your back against the building, you prepared to blend into your surroundings. 

That was when you felt it. A dark, coldness creeping into your bones. It was a presence larger than life that you had never felt before. It was overwhelming, debilitating almost. Your hand reached out for the stone wall behind you, grabbing it to catch yourself as the force signature of this being almost sent you to your knees. Never had you felt such power. Never had you felt such anger. There was a rage in that presence that threatened to consume. 

Shots rang out. You glanced up to catch blaster fire being traded between the local pocket of rebels and the imperial stormtroopers, their uniforms so tauntingly white, like they weren’t created with the blood of the people. With the blood of the galaxy. Blood that was going to be spilled now. Right here. In front of your eyes as you watched normal citizens getting caught in the crossfire. A father and a child ran from one booth to another, trying to make it back to the arms of the mother in the doorway across the square. You turned to the side as you heard him get gunned down, dropping the child to the dusty ground. 

A familiar sound came next, a sound you hadn’t heard in years, but recognized instantly. The hum of the blade was steady and red, bleeding rage. You could feel it coming off the blade in waves. The blade was drawing closer to the child.

“Give him to me,” the man instructed. Turning your attention back to the child, you noticed the mother had come out of the sanctuary of their home to hold the crying child close to her. A mother’s first instinct was always to protect.

“Never,” she rasped out, staring at him with an unwavering gaze. Her courage was formidable, but you knew what would happen next, what always happened next.

Letting out a shaking breath, you straightened, prepared to run. You were always running. Scrunching your eyes shut, you remembered your teachings. You remembered the younglings at the Temple that you had helped train. Invisible tendrils from the past tugging at you, guiding your motions like a marionette. Feet moved on instinct, arms swung on their own accord until the hiss of a connection could be heard.

Your eyes focused on the feet in front of you as the heat from the interlocked blades warmed your face, casting you in a dangerous red glow. Your eyes trailed up the body of the opponent in front of you until you locked eyes. He was handsome, in a distracting way. His hair whipped around in the breeze as a twisted smirk settled on his face. He was as ferocious as a lion, drawing you in, yet holding you in place as he stared into your soul. Forbidden, yet wanted.

“Padawan,” he purred, “Where’s your braid?”

“I cut it off. I had nothing left to learn,” you ground out through gritted teeth, pushing back with all your might. He had the upper hand without effort.

“Nothing left to learn, or no one left to learn from?” he asked, eyes narrowing slightly. He was testing you. The heat in his gaze stirred something within you, like a spark turning into a flame. You couldn’t hold his gaze any longer, or you’d be defenseless. Blinking rapidly to clear your vision, you conceded that match. He was still much too close for comfort. You needed to remedy that.

“Same difference!” You replied before using the force to push him back, knocking him a few feet back. How dare he? You thought indignantly. What right did this Sith have to mock the Order?

“Good,” he grinned, dropping his saber to his side. He looked at you with great interest. You were his prey and he was going to play. It had been so long since he’d had a formidable opponent. The way he stood exuded power, raw and crackling. You could almost feel the charge in the air, but that’s all it was, right? His power, nothing more. The way he stood, to any onlooker it would seem defenseless, but in truth he was setting a trap. “Get angry. It’ll make this more fun.”

He was goading you, and you knew it. You tried to breathe, exhaling all the anger bubbling in you threatening to spill over. A tenuous control over your emotions started to build, forcing your inner anger back into the rickety cage it was struggling against. 

“Give in,” he murmured, watching your turmoil with great interest. “Feel the power.”

“Like you did?” you ground out. You knew exactly who this man was. You’d seen him in the Temple. You had even admired him, having had countless conversations with him at the Temple. He was just as captivating now as he was back then. His presence had always drawn you in, made you want more than you knew you should have. This man was everything you had wanted to be. You’d looked up to him. He had it all, but he had thrown it away. An irrational part of your mind added, threw you away. “You betrayed your own.”

“They were never my own,” he spat. “I was their savior, reluctantly.”

“Some savior you were. You killed them all,” you seethed before attacking. Your control was gone as the lives of your friends flashed before your eyes. His life flashed before your eyes. He could have been so much more than this. You could have been so much more than this, but this was what he had reduced you to: a lonely wanderer who lived hand-to-mouth. Your anger made you sloppy, but you managed to catch him off guard at first.

Trading blows, he was barely breaking a sweat while your chest was heaving from exertion. He was magnificent, and that was not lost on you. It was impressive, watching him move gracefully. His hair flowed like a mane around him. A wry smile crossed your face at the realization, a lion among man. 

“You’re weak,” he taunted, pinning you with the force to a wall. “You have power, but you don’t know how to use it. How to control it. You’re unbalanced.”

“No, you’re wrong!” You called out, straining against his power. Memories flashed in your head to when he’d first pinned you against the wall during training so many years ago, but this was not the same. Your eyes locked with his as you swallowed. It wouldn’t end. Not like this. You lunged at him, swinging wildly with your arms. You weren’t unbalanced. You were one a Jedi. You were one with the force. Your swing missed, but his didn’t. The sting of the blade as it singed your shoulder made you grit your teeth as your knees gave out. You wouldn’t let this man see you cry out. You would not beg for mercy that you knew he would not give. His saber was lifted.

“Pity,” he murmured, reaching down to tip your chin up towards him. Locking eyes, you came to the realization that you were to die at the hands of the most handsome beast you’d ever met. Yet, all he could do was offer you a sad smile, and something else: a flicker of remorse in his eyes, but not at what he was about to do. “You could have been something.”

Blaster fire lit up the square, interrupting your battle. His face contorted into a grimace as he had to move his lightsaber to block the shots. Using the distraction, you scuffled back towards a building. Your hand blindly searched for a hold on the rough stone to push yourself up, staring back at him. Even when he was at a disadvantage, he was captivating. The way he moved as if the world were his to control was breathtaking. A pang of regret hit your heart. The two of you together could have been unstoppable. The brick cut your skin, but you didn’t care. It brought you back to reality. The reality that he was a monster, and most of all, he could never be yours. 

“Come on,” a woman called out, wrapping a hand around your arm. “You can’t stay here.”

You looked up into the face of the mother you had saved. “I have nowhere to go.”

“I know a place,” she murmured, clutching her child to her chest.

You stared at her for a moment, listening to the sound of the skirmish outside. Then, you nodded. Anywhere was better than here. She led you to the spaceport. Rebels provided cover fire as they engaged with stormtroopers outside the hanger bay. You clamored up the ramp into the ship.

A woman with short red hair looked at the mother.

“You’ve brought a friend,” she murmured. “We were told it was just your family we were extracting.”

“I lost my husband,” the mother replied. “The amount of passengers is the same.”

The woman looked at you, studying you. Measuring you. But to what, you didn’t know. Her eyes settled on your lightsaber at your hip, widening slightly.

“Well, come on. We can’t stay on this world anymore,” the woman replied before pressing her comm link. “Pilot, get us out of here.”

“Right away, Senator,” a response came before the woman and the mother walked further down the corridor.

You looked down at the ramp as it closed. Although you couldn’t see the fighting anymore, you could feel it. You could feel his wrath as he lashed out at the rebels like a cornered animal, using his rage as fuel. They would all die. Their blasters were nothing in comparison to his power. He’d snuff out their lives like a shrine of candles in a rainstorm. Leaning against the wall, you slowly slid down to the floor. Your legs could no longer hold you now that the adrenaline had worn off. You were tired, so tired. Your shoulder cried out in pain, but worst of all was the knowledge of what was happening below on the planet as you felt the ship rise from the ground. Tears flowed freely at all that was lost today.

You had run for so long.

You had avoided the Empire for so long.

Now they knew you were out there, and you knew they would come looking for you. Your anonymity was gone. In the back of your mind, you heard his voice over and over again.

Weak.

You were weak. You’d gone soft. You were out of practice. Unbalanced. He was right.

Swiping the tears from your face with the back of your hand, a resolve etched itself on your face. Not for much longer, you thought. Placing your hands on your knees, you pushed yourself back to your feet, a phoenix rising from the ashes.

You ignited your saber, feeling its weight in your hand. The hum of the blade in tune with your soul as you closed your eyes. The next time you faced that beast of a man, you would be ready. There was a fire in your eyes as you deactivated the saber, placing it back on your hip. Your footsteps resounded, sure and deliberate as you followed the path the rebels had taken.

Rounding the corner towards where the mother and her child were seated with the senator before, you felt a watchful set of eyes on your entrance.

“I haven’t seen a Jedi in some time,” the woman said, as much to the mother as to you.

“They protected us after my husband was...” the mother trailed off as her eyes rimmed red, the words getting caught in the emotion in her throat.

“There was nothing you could have done,” the Senator told her, placing a hand on top of hers. “You and your child have had a long day. We’ll be arriving on Chandrila in a few hours. You should rest, Jynna. You’ll need your strength.”

Jynna nodded, sliding out of the booth with her child in her arms. She stopped in front of you, placing a heavy hand on your shoulder. “I could never thank you enough, Jedi.”

You swallowed the awkward lump in your throat at the praise, especially since you hadn’t planned on stepping in, and especially because you were not a Jedi. Not anymore. “Of course.”

Jynna gave you a sad smile, letting her hand drop to her side before leaving down the corridor.

After a moment of silence, listening to the woman’s retreating steps, the other woman cleared her throat. “Please, have a seat.”

You slipped into the booth across from her. 

“Finding a Jedi in this current climate is like finding a kyber crystal on Tatooine,” the woman remarked.

“The Jedi no longer exist,” you replied, looking at the dirt under your nails from your fight.

“That’s what the Emperor wants us to think,” the woman replied leaning in. “I’m sure there are more of you than you know. You’re all in hiding.”

“What do you want us to do?” you shot back, “Come out into the open to be executed?”

“From what I understand, you were almost executed today due to your recklessness,” she replied.

Your cheeks reddened in embarrassment. 

“Yet you live,” she added. She appraised you for not the first time that day. “We could use someone like you.”

“Who’s ‘we’?” you asked, leaning back.

“The rebellion,” she clarified.

“I already have a target on my back,” you sighed. “Why would I push my luck further?”

“Exactly,” she replied. “You already are a target, might as well give them a run for their credits. What else are you going to do? Go back into hiding on some back water world? The Empire’s presence is growing every day. Nowhere is safe.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” you asked. “Look, Senator, I’m not sure what you want me to be.”

“Just yourself,” she said, patting your hand. “You have so much potential, and you can make a difference.”

“Senator Mothma, we’ll be dropping out of hyperspace to refuel,” a crew member said, coming back from the cockpit.

She nodded to them. “Good.”

Then, she turned back to you, a bright fiery look in her eyes that rivaled her hair. “Think about it. You can no more run from who you are than night can resist the dawn. I’ll leave the ramp unlocked when we dock to fuel. The choice is yours.”

You watched as she slipped from the booth, heading back, presumably to where her chambers were on the ship. You stared at the table in front of you. You’d already decided you weren’t going to run anymore, and here you had an opportunity to help. The way she looked at you... it wasn’t as if you were just a Jedi. It was as if you were more than that. You were hope. Hope that, try as the Empire might, they could not erase every ounce of opposition in the galaxy. Join or perish. That was what you’d felt more than once today. First, with Skywalker on that dust ball, and now with Mon Mothma. The only difference was that the Empire would kill you for not joining, whereas the Rebellion would just leave you to your own devices. You’d learned today that those were not enough. At least, not right now. 

You were being given a choice, a choice to make something of yourself, or the choice to fade away into oblivion. Earlier, your body had acted on its own accord, pulling you into the fray. Fading was no longer an option. To fade was to be complacent with an overlord taking over a galaxy and enslaving the very people you had once fought to protect. No, you were going to fight. You’d lend your hand to this Rebellion, and in doing so, it would make you stronger. It would make the people stronger to know that the Force was no longer wielded by just the dark side. Your destiny and the Rebellion’s would be entwined, feeding each other and making you both strong until the light could burn out the darkness. 

A rumble could be felt through the ship as it landed on the fueling platform. You didn’t even get up from your seat.

“Welcome aboard, Jedi,” Mon Mothma said as she walked by the booth to talk to the pilot. “You, too, should rest. I’m sure you’ll have plenty to do once we land.”

You nodded, stalking back towards the cabins. 

You found the room that Jynna had entered. Her child was asleep, curled into her. Jynna herself seemed to be having a fitful rest. A small sigh passed through your lips as you walked further into the room. Holding a hand out above her forehead, you concentrated on smoothing her furrowed brow. She’d have enough time to deal with the horrors of the day during her waking hours. There was no reason for her to suffer in her sleep as well. As her face settled into a smooth serenity, you let your hand drop back to your side before sitting on the bunk across from them.

Fatigue from the day hit you like a pod racer on Tatooine running into a canyon wall. 

Weak.

A wry smirk settled on your face. Well, sleep will give me strength, you thought in amusement.

Flattening yourself against the mattress, the weight of your body settled into your bones. With each breath you expelled yourself until you were one with the Force. it was something you hadn’t done in a long time, unable to afford this level of vulnerability. It was in this moment that you realized you hadn’t rested in so long. Too long, your body cried out. 

The Force gives strength. The Force restores. All are reborn in the Force if they learn to let go of their corporeal form. Like a bacta tank heals, so too does the Force. You allowed yourself to submerge in its icy depths, awakening in you a sensation that you had almost forgotten. Your eyes were open wide to the world, now, no longer content to just float along. You were prepared to swim. The pain in your shoulder faded the closer you got to the surface. 

When you emerged from the Force, your eyes opened to the dimly lit cabin. Jynna was awake on her cot, cuddling her child as she watched you with great interest.

“Where did you go?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” you replied.

“When you became one with the Force,” she clarified, “What is it like?”

“It’s different for all,” you sighed, turning on your side to face her. “Just now it was cold.”

“Like a bath that you’ve left for too long?” she asked.

A genuine smile grew on your face, “In a way.”

She looked down at her son like she didn’t know him. “He has a gift. That’s why they want him.”

“The Order is no more,” you replied. 

“That doesn’t mean he isn’t sought after,” she shot back, meeting your eyes.

“They won’t lay a hand on your son,” you stated, but it was more like a promise.

She nodded, brushing a dark brown curl out of her son’s face. “They’ll have to go through me first.”

You didn’t want to tell her that they had already gone through her husband. You didn’t want to point out that going through her would be child’s play. Instead, you made an actual promise. Turning your back to her, you murmured, “It won’t come to that.”

“You don’t like being called a Jedi,” she murmured.

“Because I’m not,” you sighed.

She let your truth hang in the air, but you knew it fell on deaf ears.

You stared at the wall of your bunk, listening as her breathing evened out and she fell back asleep. Closing your eyes, you did something you hadn’t wanted to do before. You began to remember. Not too much, no. That would be like ripping a scab off of a wound that barely healed. No, you remembered just enough, letting the wound breath before bundling it back up in bandages again.

The Temple had been a wonderful place to grow up- not that you remembered any other. You were sure that you had a family somewhere. A mother. A father. After all, how else would you have come to be? But, you didn’t know them. They were shadows in your mind, like they were backlit from the sun. Hazy. No, the people you remembered most from your childhood were the Masters. They were the ones who raised you, taught you everything you knew. Would you have been better off with a family? It was something you had wondered about after the Republic fell, but then you came to the realization that you had had a family, just not in the normal sense. Your lips tilted up slightly as you remembered the day you were chosen to be a Padawan. That had been the happiest day of your life. Your thoughts drifted to what your Master would think if they could see you now. Would they be proud? Or would they be disappointed? You didn’t know, and that bothered you. 

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you closed your eyes tight, willing the Force to take you over again into that sea of bliss and belonging. When it finally did, it was warmer this time, more familiar as it washed over you, wrapping you in reassurance.

When you woke next, the ship was touching down on Chandrila. The sky was a myriad of colors as the planet awoke from the night. As you walked down the ramp, you looked up at the yellow, pink, and purple that swathed the sky in an inviting glow. Your gaze felt the gravitational pull, taking in your immediate surroundings now. The planet reminded you a bit of Naboo and Alderaan in the sense that it had a significant amount of water and greenery. The architecture was white. A wry smile crossed your face. Pure. Untouched. If only the rest of the galaxy were as lucky.

Footsteps sounded behind you as Senator Mothma disembarked. She walked swiftly towards a nearby building. When the rest of the party followed, so did you. 

Soon, you found yourself crowded into a lift and descending. 

The doors opened onto a bustling operations center. Screens were alight with data points. Everyone had a mission, and idleness was not tolerated. After all, if the Empire never stopped, then why should they? It was like a swimming beast. If it stopped, it could die. 

Jynna and her son were ushered off down a hallway. You moved to follow them, but Senator Mothma placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Not yet,” she murmured.

You turned your head to look at her. “What will happen to them?”

“We’ll keep them safe. The Empire will not get ahold of that child, or it’s mother,” she assured you. “Now, come. There is someone who will be eager to meet you.”

Your brow furrowed as you tried to decipher who she could be talking about as you followed her into a war conference room. The door shut behind you, leaving just you, the Senator, and a man looking down at a hologram projected up from the table.

“You’re late, Senator,” the man said, but there wasn’t a hint of animosity or annoyance in his tone.

“Yes, well, there were complications,” Mothma replied.

“Complications or complication?” the man asked, turning to look at her. His eyes settled on you with express interest.

Senator Mothma looked between you and the man before speaking. “Complications. Of the Sith variety.”

“Vader,” he muttered in disgust.

“They knew of the child,” Mothma informed him.

“How? Only the Jedi had this information,” the man replied.

“You know where they made their headquarters,” Mothma said pointedly. “Who’s to say they haven’t entered the archives and gained access to the information.”

“I was with Kenobi on that Sith planet. Only a Jedi can open one of their holocrons, just as only a Sith can open their devices.”

Kenobi? Your eyes widened. Now there was a name you hadn’t heard in a long, long time, and it was usually accompanied by...

“Skywalker was a Jedi before this. He could have opened it,” Mothma added. 

The man looked down. “No. He’s too far gone.” When he picked his head up again, he looked straight at you. “What’s your story?”

“They’re a Jedi, Bail,” Mothma said, with a glint in her eyes.

“Is this true?” Bail asked, studying you.

You wanted to say no, but you could no longer run from that title anymore than you could run from yourself. “I was, before the fall.”

A wry smirk settled on Bail’s face. “The fall of Skywalker, or the fall of the Order?”

“Are they not the same?” you asked quietly. After all, losing Anakin had led to losing the Order, and to the rise of Vader.

He sighed, “I suppose they are. Are you here to help?”

“I’m here to train,” you replied. “I’ll help in any way I can while I do that. Vader bested me once. That won’t happen again.”

Bail nodded, admiring your determination. “Sometimes the best teacher is experience. Although, I’m not quite sure that hunting the galaxy’s boogeyman is the way to go about this.”

“You have your mission, and I have mine,” you replied. “If they both achieve the same goal, then does it matter how we get there?”

His brow furrowed, “In my experience, it is a thin line between that line of thinking and tyranny.” He looked back at Mothma, “I don’t need another Saw Gerrera.”

You looked at Bail. You couldn’t lose this opportunity. You felt it in your bones. This was the will of the force. You were meant to be here. You were meant to help. “Look, I just want peace in the galaxy. In order to do that, you have to stop Vader and the Emperor. I’ll do whatever else you want me to do. I’ll help in whatever way I can, but I need to stop him.”

Bail locked eyes with you for a charged moment before letting out a breath. “Alright, but our missions come first. If they just happen to coincide with your search for Vader, then so be it. I will not allow you to jeopardize the resistance by leading him to our door. If you poke the beast enough, he’ll attack. This is the only warning you’ll get from me.”

You nodded. “Yes, Senator Organa.”

“So you know who I am,” he said with an amused smirk.

“How could I forget?” you winked. “We never would have been allowed use of Toydaria without you and representative Binks.”

He nodded, “Well, Jedi, I think you better start training. I’m sure you’ll have an assignment soon enough.”

You smiled, turning to leave the two Senators to their plotting. 

The base was bustling. Everywhere you stepped, you felt as though you were in the way. Eventually, you stuck to creeping around the walls until you were in a hall that was deserted. A look of curiosity came over your face as you started to open the doors that lined the hall. An empty bedroom here. A storage closet there. But then... then you found a wide open room, swathed in white. A control panel was set into the wall. 

Your breath caught in your chest. You were familiar with rooms like this. In fact, you’d often trained in rooms like this. If you closed your eyes, you could almost hear your Master coaching you from the sidelines as the room moved around you. There was a glint of mischief in your eyes as you engaged the training program, dropping your bag on the ground and taking off your cloak you grinned as the room awoke around you.

It was like getting back on a speeder bike. You were rusty, but you were slowly reawakening your abilities. The more you moved, the more sure of yourself you became. You deflected the blasts that the training droids shot, trying not to destroy them. You didn’t want the Senators to get mad at you for busting their things. What you hadn’t noticed were the viewports that lined the tall walls at the top.

An audience had gathered as the members in the war room watched you. A ripple of murmurs went through the crowd.

“I thought they were all gone,” said one.

“My mother said they were legends,” whispered another.

“Maybe we have a chance now,” another dared to say.

Your hair stuck to your forehead from exertion as you bounded from moving platform to platform. When you closed your eyes, you could sense where they were going to be next. The force guided you. The prodigal child returning home to be welcomed with open arms. 

Eventually, you reached the top platform, thus beating that simulator as your hand pressed the buzzer. You opened your eyes to find the members of the Rebellion staring at you. Your chest heaved as you caught your breath. Wide eyes looked at you. 

Mon Mothma and Bail Organa exited their room to see the group staring at their new friend.

“Looks like the Lothcat is out of the bag,” Mothma smirked.

“So it seems,” Organa replied. “But, is the loth cat ready?”

“Why don’t you ask?” Mothma asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

Senator Organa wandered over to the intercom system and engaged it into the training arena.

“I have a mission for you,” he informed you. “Think you’re up for it?”

You swiped the sweat off your brow with your sleeve. “When do I leave?”

“Now.”

A grin broke across your face. “Good.”

Bail slapped a data card up against the transparisteel. You gave him a slight salute before jumping down to the ground. Once back on your own two feet, you picked up your bag and went back up to retrieve your mission.

“I’ll need a ship,” you told him after inspecting the data card. 

“You speak as if you’re going alone,” Bail said in amusement.

“I’m not?” you asked in confusion.

“No. You’ll be a part of a team,” he replied.

“I can do this on my own,” you said adamantly. “If it’s a stealth mission, less is more.”

“And if you get captured for being a Jedi? Then who will bring the information home?” he countered.

“That’s not what this is about,” you said, stopping in your tracks. “You don’t trust me.”

“Trust is earned,” he shot back.

“You knew my people. You know what they stood for,” you replied softly.

“Skywalker stood for that, too, once. Now look at us,” he said with his back to you.

Point, Organa.

You let out a sigh, “Fine. I’ll go with a team.”

“They’ll meet you in the hangar bay,” he said as he started to walk away, but then he paused. “And, Jedi, may the force be with you.”

You clenched the data card in your fist before making your way to meet this new team. 

The group that was waiting for you didn’t seem like much. You saw a human man in a flight suit, a blue astromech droid, a blue-skinned Twi’lek, and a Wookie. 

“You’re the Jedi?” the Twi’lek woman commented. 

“Can you be a member of something that’s disbanded?” the man asked.

You shot them a look. 

“Fiesty for a Jedi,” the Twi’lek smirked. “Seems like your type, Gavyn.”

“Knock it off, Oon’sara,” Gavyn sighed. He thumbed towards the Wookie and astromech. “That’s Chitca, and the droid’s on loan from Senator Organa.”

“Droids are not property. He’s doing this because he wants to,” you murmured as you looked at the droid, studying him. Almost as if sensing your judgment, the mech came forward to meet you and tootled. A spark of recognition settled onto your face as you watched the rest of the team head up the ship. You, however, hung back with the astromech.

“Is your new home treating you well, little droid?” you murmured.

Artoo looked up at you before letting out a sad noise.

Resting a hand on his dome, you gave him a sad smile. “I know. I miss the old days, too.”

Artoo looked down and started up the ramp. You followed him before settling into a seat in the cargo hold to go over the data again. If trust was something that had to be earned, then, maker, you were going to earn it.

Once in hyperspace, the crew trickled back to where you were, sitting on their own makeshift seats. You could feel their gaze on you as you rested your arms on your knees.

“Credit for your thoughts,” you eventually ventured.

“You’re injured,” Gavyn murmured, pointing at the burn on your arm. “It looks fresh.”

“It’s a lightsaber, isn’t it,” Oon’sara said, but it wasn’t a question. “He did it.”

“What do you know of him?” You asked as your eyes flicked up to hers.

“We all have our score to settle with the Empire,” Gavyn replied. “The Emperor’s shadow is infamous. Few see him and survive. He’s a harbinger of death.”

“He’s just a man,” you replied, thinking of his face, so close to yours as you had locked sabers.

“Tell that to the people of Ryloth,” Oon’sara sneered. “If you even mention the possibility of him coming, the Imperials crack down on us.”

“Is that your ‘score’ then?” you asked.

“If I free the galaxy, then I can free my people,” she said.

You turned to look at the others. “And you?”

“The Empire killed my parents,” Gavyn replied. “They tried to stop them from roughing up the local civilian market. I was seventeen. Barely a man, but no longer a kid. I ended up on the streets relying on the goodness of strangers. That was how Senator Organa found me.”

“Where’d you learn to fly?” you asked out of curiosity.

“My mom. She was a cargo pilot,” he grinned. “Best at maneuvering out of a sticky situation.”

You turned to the Wookie who blinked in surprise. “You?”

She tilted her head before responding. You were glad you’d grown up in the Temple at that moment, being able to understand other languages always came in handy. “You should know about Kashyyk. When Master Yoda escaped at the end of the war, the rest of us were not so lucky.”

“He’s alive?” you asked softly.

She shrugged. “He was when he left Kashyyk.”

Artoo bumped your leg where it hung over the side of the crate.

“I already know your story, little droid,” you murmured, patting his head. He’d lost just as much as you had that day. Part of you wondered if he knew what his old master was up to. It was odd, having Anakin’s droid here. This might be the only piece of him you’d have left.

“But we don’t know yours,” Gavyn said, folding his arms.

“It’s simple, really. I was a Jedi on the run after the Order fell. I piqued the interest of some undesirable people, and now I’m helping the Rebellion while I look for them,” you shrugged.

“I’ve never heard someone refer to Vader as an ‘undesirable’ person,” Oon’sara smirked.

“He took everything from me,” you replied. Including Anakin, you thought. “I’d call that undesirable.”

“So you’re hunting him,” Gavyn said thoughtfully. “Revenge doesn’t sound like the Jedi way.”

“It isn’t revenge,” you replied. “It’s justice. It’s for freedom and peace. If we get rid of Vader, the Emperor loses his ace. It’ll be over then.”

“The Emperor will still exist,” Oon’sara pointed out.

“The Emperor is an old man,” you spat. The Emperor was nothing compared to the man you’d sparred with. Vader was a formidable match in battle, but the Emperor was weak, having to rely upon someone else to fight his battles for him.

“He’s a Sith Lord,” Gavyn countered.

“Do you know how to defeat darkness?” You asked, looking out a viewport as you reverted back to real space. The Lothal System’s sun came into view, warming your face. You turned back to them with a smirk on your face. “You turn a light on.”

The crew started to disperse, but Gavyn hung back for a moment, looking at you over his shoulder. 

“You know, I always respected the Jedi. When things seemed bleak, they’d show up and save the day like heroes. It seemed inevitable that they would always win,” he admitted.

“Like the sun ending the night,” you murmured.

“Exactly,” he replied. “A spark of hope lights a flame. If you’re going to turn a light on, you’ll need a lot more of it.”

“A lot more of what?” you asked.

“Hope. One spark is a start, but it’s not enough on its own.”

Somehow you didn’t think he was talking about fires anymore. He turned and went back up to the cockpit to land the ship on world. 

You looked down at the droid beside you who shuffled in anticipation. “You ready for some action, friend?”

He tootled an affirmative.

The landing went smoothly. Even sneaking onto the base went well. You and Gavyn stole some armor to maneuver Chitca like a prisoner with Artoo bringing up the rear. Oon’sara stayed with the ship, ready to take off at a moment’s notice. 

Walking in the white armor felt wrong. How many clones had died wearing this flimsy armor? Too many for you to count. Bile rose in your throat as you pushed that thought from your mind. 

“Do you know where we’re going?” you asked Gavyn.

“Vaguely,” he replied.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” you murmured as you entered a control room. “Artoo, plug in and see if you can find where the TIE schematics are.”

Artoo rolled forward, extending his arm until he connected to the interface. You peered down the hall, watching for troopers in order to cover the droid. You had no doubt in his capabilities. After all, you knew who he had once belonged to.

“We need to get going,” Gavyn whispered.

“Don’t rush him,” you murmured absentmindedly. 

Soon enough, Artoo had the information you were looking for. It was located several floors below your current location. You opened the door and started down the hall with Artoo. Halfway down, you realized the others weren’t following. 

“Where are you going?” you asked them.

“Chitca says there’s some Wookies in the detention level. We’re going to free them,” he said with a grin.

“Gavyn, there’s no time. This is our mission!” you replied, having been used to making hard decisions during the clone wars. You knew all too well that you couldn’t save everybody.

“Take Artoo and get the schematics. We’re going to free them. We’ll meet back up in orbit if we get separated,” he said with a reassuring nod, like everything would be fine.

You couldn’t fight the feeling of dread knotting in your stomach, but you knew you couldn’t stop this. You gave him a curt nod before continuing to run down the hall towards the schematics with Artoo rolling beside you to keep up.

Artoo let out a worried whistle.

“They’ll be fine, Artoo,” you told the droid. Silently, you added, I hope.

The base was a maze. You knew you’d be fine with Artoo and the force to guide you, but you were worried for the others. You found yourself down a hallway that looked just like the ones you’d been running through since you arrived. 

“It’s a wonder they can find anything here with how uniform it is,” you muttered as you rounded a corner. You skidded to a stop in front of the door that Artoo said housed the information you needed. 

After shooting a dubious look at Artoo, you reached out your hand towards the door. Closing your eyes, you concentrated on feeling the lock with the force, reaching into the circuitry to flip the switch and open it.

The door slid open, revealing a group of surprised imperial workers. They blinked at you.

“You’re not authorized to be here,” one of the officers said.

You raised a hand to try a mind trick that you hadn’t done in years.

“That’s not an imperial paint job,” another officer pointed out, hand poised over an alarm button. You had to act quickly.

“I am allowed to be here,” you murmured.

“You are allowed to be here,” One of the officers repeated.

“I am taking the TIE schematics,” you said, pushing your luck.

“You are taking the TIE schematics,” they repeated.

You shot a furtive glance at Artoo before going over to take the data pad from the holo-projector displaying the plans. 

Tossing it to Artoo, you instructed him, “Keep it safe.”

He tootled an affirmative before you left. You weren’t going to kill them. It wasn’t necessary since you were able to trick them into helping.

“Come on, Artoo, let’s get going. We have to find the others,” you murmured as you ran towards where you felt they were. A sigh passed through your lips. “They better be okay.”

As you made your way back towards the flight deck, you saw a commotion up ahead. Gavyn’s ship was firing at the ground turrets as the Wookie prisoners were being led out into the open.

“Gavyn, this was supposed to be a stealth mission!” You shouted at the man as you caught sight of him on the platform below.

“Change of plans!” He yelled back.

“Oon’sara isn’t going to be able to land unless we take out the towers, Artoo,” you said to the little droid beside you. 

Artoo rolled over to the port to plug in, giving you a sad whimper.

“Manual controls, huh?” you sighed. “That’s what I was worried about.” 

Jumping down from the platform and onto the flight deck below, you skirted the fray, with your back to the wall, the imperial troopers barely noticed you as you blended into the shadows. Making your way over to the turrets, you listened to Artoo in your commlink telling you how to disable the guns. 

“You’re free and clear to land,” you informed Oon’sara.

“Copy that, Jedi. Coming in hot for a landing!” she shouted back as the ship started to land. 

On the opposite side of the flight deck, you watched the crew and the Wookies load onto the ship with Gavyn providing cover fire. There was a stretch between you and the ship that was rapidly filling with storm troopers as they called for reinforcements.

“Gavyn, there’s too many of them!” Oon’sara called over the comm as she did her best to shoot at them with the ship.

“We’re almost done,” Gavyn said, but they were surrounded by troopers who were picking them off one by one.

In his haste, Gavyn got clipped on the shoulder by blaster fire and doubled over in pain.

“Gavyn!” You called out as he reached up to hold his arm, limping back towards the ramp.

“We’ve got to go now, there are too many of them!” Gavyn told you over the comm, locking eyes with you as he backed up the ramp, barely being missed by the shots as the ramp started to close. “Get to a ship and rendezvous with us in orbit. There’s no time to argue.”

Your mouth was in a grim line as you nodded. Artoo rocketed down to the space next to you.

The troopers turned and spotted you.

“Look, there’s another one!” one called out as they opened fire. You engaged your lightsaber to deflect the bolts anywhere but where you were.

“Come on, Artoo,” you said, racing off towards an open transport ship. It was small, but it would do. The two of you got in and started up the ship. “Disable the tracking, buddy. We can’t risk bringing the Imps back to base.”

Artoo zoomed over to do as he was told as you started flight sequence, picking up from the ground. A voice came over the radio.

“Transport H359, you do not have clearance to leave base. On who’s authority are you flying?” the base command asked.

“Kriff your clearance,” you shot back, pulling back on the throttle to lift the ship off the ground.

“Engage tractor beam,” the radio voice announced.

You didn’t much like their news, so you shut the radio off. “Hold on, Artoo. Time for some evasive maneuvers.”

Leaning your body into it, becoming one with the craft, you rolled the ship through the air, avoiding the beam. They were so focused on you that it made for an easy escape for the team. Soon you were out in the space above the planet.

Artoo tootled something you could have sworn sounded like, ‘Now this is pod racing!’

“Well, so much for stealth,” Oon’sara snorted over the radio.

“At least we got what we came for,” you replied.

“And then some,” Gavyn added. You could hear the smile in his voice at the Wookie chatter behind him.

“Let’s just get back to base,” you said, but you had a smile on your face as well.

Setting the coordinates for the hyperspace jump, you were ready to go when a group of ships reverted out of hyperspace in front of you. A pit formed in your stomach as a familiar feeling of apprehension and darkness washed over you. He’s here, you realized. 

“We’ve got to go, now!” you informed them hurriedly as a group of TIE fighters flew out of the hangar bay of the star destroyer in front of you. 

“They’re blocking the path!” Oon’sara pointed out.

You scanned the field of view around you. “Move to quadrant 6. You’ll be free and clear there.”

Watching as the ship started to evade the TIE fighters, you realized you were powerless. Your transport was unarmed. It was dangerous for you to stay, but you also couldn’t leave without knowing they were okay.

Artoo bumped your chair.

“I can’t just leave them, Artoo,” you said, starting to fly towards their ship to offer them a distraction and a chance to escape. You trusted your flying skills enough, even if you were a little unfamiliar with the current craft.

One of the TIE fighters stopped abruptly and turned to follow you, and so you started flying across the space, zooming out of his firing range and employing evasive maneuvers you hadn’t used in years. It had to be him. Only Anakin Skywalker could keep up with flying like this... because he had been the one who had taught you based off his pod-racing adventures. A thrill rushed through you, at the moment feeling like it was just like old times, two people practicing flying drills between campaigns. You barrel rolled, but your smile faltered when witty banter didn’t come over the comms. It wasn’t like old times.

Artoo let out an alarmed scream as a blast shot past the wing of your ship. Then, he let out a series of beeps, holding the data pad out to you before letting out a sad whimper.

“You’re right,” you sighed. “We have a mission.”

You shot one last look towards their ship, seeing it get hit by one of the TIE fighters who stuck with them. Regretfully, you spun out, flying into clear space and shooting off into hyperspace. “May the force be with them.”

A smile tugged at Lord Vader’s lips as he watched your ship leave real space. His TIE fighter hovered in space as his hands tightened on the controls. The sound of leather being stretched was faintly heard before the sound of a nearby explosion took over. “So the lamb has made some friends.”

As you broke into hyperspace, your let your head fall back against your chair. It was a quiet ride back, neither you nor Artoo wanting to acknowledge what just happened. Not the fact that you had lost your team, and also not the fact that you had almost let yourself get captured in the name of nostalgia. Your memories seeped in from the box you’d so carefully locked them away in.

“No brother gets left behind,” your clone commander said when your Master suggested moving forward.

“We have to continue the mission,” your Master pointed out.

“You go ahead, Master. I’ll stay here until the transport arrives,” you smiled.

The commander nodded thanks as the group moved on. 

You looked down at the trooper who's head laid in your lap. “You’ll be alright. I promise.”

“I know,” the clone smiled weakly. “We clones have a saying. ‘If a Jedi is here, we have no need to fear.’”

“We aren’t always successful,” you murmured, thinking about the siege you’d just lost.

“No, but we know you’ll do your best and take care of your own,” the clone corrected as the transport landed nearby. The medic hopped down with a few other clones to transport the fallen soldier onto a stretcher. You squeezed his hand before they loaded him up on the ship.

“May the force be with you, trooper,” you said.

“And with you, always, General,” he nodded.

You opened your eyes to see Chandrilla coming into sight. It was time to face the music.

The ship touched down in the hangar bay. It was quiet with the realization that this was not the ship you had left on. As you walked down the ramp with Artoo at your side, Senator Organa parted the crowd as he walked to the front. There was a question in his eyes as he looked at you. You shook your head. He looked down at the ground. 

Turning on his heel, he started to exit the hangar. “Debrief me in the conference room.”

You looked down at Artoo before following. The data pad felt heavy in your hands as you ran your thumb along it. All that had just happened was for the sake of this. A snarl of disgust settled on your face as you entered the conference room. Was it really worth it?

Chucking the pad on the table, you looked at Organa. “Here’s your schematics.”

“What the kriff happened out there?” he demanded. “You left with a team.”

“They found another opportunity and took it,” you explained.

“I didn’t ask that. I asked what happened,” he repeated.

You closed your eyes and exhaled before answering. “They found out that the base was holding Wookies hostage. They went to free them. We split up. When we got back together, we were on opposite sides of the flight deck. Artoo and I stole a transport with the plan for us to rendezvous in orbit. When we got there, an Imperial Star Destroyer reverted to real space, unleashing a set of TIE fighters.”

“Was he one of them?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” you whispered, opening your eyes to finally look at him. 

Slowly, Senator Organa picked up the schematics from the table. He looked down at it before looking up at you. “This Empire was built on blood and bone. But the rebellion.... that’s not what we’re built on.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, brow furrowing in confusion.

“We may be made mostly of blood and bone, but we are also made of souls. Where they sow fear, we grow hope. We create dreams.”

“Dreams don’t come for free,” you murmured.

“There’s a price for everything these days,” he replied sadly. “I think you’re just learning yours.”

“I was never meant to survive,” you said softly. After all, the life of a survivor is a lonely one. Sometimes you wondered if it would have been easier if you had blinked out of existence when the rest of the Order was snuffed out. 

“I thought everything was the will of the force,” he said, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Do you really believe that?” 

“Sometimes, but I think it limits the fact that we have choices. We are not destined to one thing or another. It is the choices we make, and the steps we take that get us from one place to another. They said that Skywalker was the chosen one, meant to bring balance,” he let out a huff, “if he was destined for that and didn’t have the freedom to make his own choices, we may not be having this conversation. I’d like to think that the force wouldn’t condemn the galaxy to servitude under a tyrant. That being said... I think you were meant to be here, and the choices you made brought you here.”

“The force and my own will working in tandem,” you replied.

“Precisely. We can always fight our destiny, but we will always have to live with the choices we make,” he said. 

“I left them,” you said, looking down.

“You finished the mission. They knew the risks. Their loss will be felt, but we will move on. We must,” he said pointedly. “Do you know what I’ve noticed about the Jedi?”

“What’s that, Senator?”

“The good ones have a tendency to survive,” he said.

You knew he was trying to comfort you, but in a way, his comment was a slap to the Order. There were hundreds of Jedi who died during the end of the war. It wasn’t because they weren’t good Jedi. It was the fact that the people they trusted turned on them. In fact, in a way, they were the last good Jedi, you thought. They never had to worry about looking the other way to survive. They lived the ideals to the end. 

You raised your head to look back at him, a fire in your eyes. If you couldn’t protect a team, then you wouldn’t work with one. You’d let down your troopers by letting the Empire take control of them. You’d lost your team today because you’d allowed for distractions that split you up in a way you couldn’t protect them. Never again. You’d been on your own for so long that now you knew the only person you could protect is yourself. Anyone else would just be a liability and another hard choice on your conscience.

“What are you planning to do with those schematics?” you asked.

“Find out who’s supplying the materials,” he admitted. “There’s been a lot of movement of durasteel across the rims, but it doesn’t make sense when compared to the ship manufacturing logs. We learned they were building a new form of TIE. Our analysts are going to look into seeing if that’s the cause. Otherwise, we’re back to square one.”

“When’s my next mission?” 

“Easy, Jedi,” he said with a perplexed smile. “You just got back. Rest a bit. I’ll have something for you soon enough, don’t worry.”

“Alright, Senator,” you nodded. “But... next time, I work alone.”

He sighed, the smile dripping from his face. “Understood.”

Artoo whistled beside you.

You looked down at him and rested a hand on his dome. “Make that, me and Artoo.”

“Commandeering my droid now, are you?” Senator Organa asked in amusement.

“What can I say? He gets me,” you smirked, patting the droid before going off to find a refresher. You needed a shower.

Making your way through the barracks of the underground base, you finally found what you were looking for.

Turning the water on to the highest pressure, and to as hot as your body could handle, you stepped into the column of steam. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a good shower like this. The water beat at the knots in your back as days of grime sloughed off your skin. Placing your splayed hands on the wall opposite the shower head, you let your head hang down. Your hair stuck to your forehead and cheeks as you let the water wash over you, blocking out any sounds other than the water over your ears. You clenched your fist against the cool tile, replaying the mission in your head to see if there was anything you could have done differently. If you had just stuck together? If you had gone to them on the flight deck? If you had taken a different ship? If.

You slammed your fist against the wall, the sharp spike of pain bringing you back to reality.

Master Yoda’s voice played in your head, an old Jedi adage about letting go. Letting people flow in and out of your life like the force. Taking a deep breath, you unclenched your fist.

There was nothing you could have done.

This was not your fault.

Order Sixty-Six was not your fault.

You picked your head back up.

It wasn’t your fault. It was the Empire’s. It was Vader’s. 

Their deaths wouldn’t be in vain. Your Master’s death wouldn’t be in vain. You’d do whatever it takes to be able to match him. To take him down. You were a Jedi. You protected the galaxy, protected it from beautiful monsters like Vader. You’d do what you had to do to bring peace back to the galaxy. 

Shutting the water off, you let the water drip down your body as you reached for a towel. Your skin was an angry tinge of pink-ish red from the heat as you wrapped it around yourself, stepping out of the refresher. Swiping your hand along the mirror, you saw your face in the cleared streak. Your eyes glinted in the light for a moment. 

Using the streak, you got dressed and prepared to face the barracks, free and on a mission of your own devising.

Going on your way, you started towards the barracks. A little droid sped up and fell in line with you.

“Hello, Artoo. Organa letting you explore?” you asked.

The droid let out a series of beeps that you took to mean, I do what I want.

“So I’ve been told,” you winked. 

Artoo rolled with you until you ran into Jynna.

“I see you’ve made a friend,” she teased.

You looked down at Artoo and smiled. “We’re getting reacquainted.”

“I heard about your mission,” she murmured, placing a hand on your shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

You shrugged her arm off. Organa’s words flowed freely from your mouth, “They knew what they signed up for.”  

“Knowing the risks doesn’t make the loss any easier,” she pointed out. “I thought you’d know that from the Clone Wars.”

A sad smile appeared on your face. “After a while, you learn to let go.”

“Letting go may make living easier, but we can also use their memories to give us strength,” she murmured. “Moving on without my husband will be hard, but I can look at his sacrifice and remember it whenever I feel lost and want to give up. That way, I wouldn’t want his sacrifice to be in vain and I can keep going. I lost half of my heart, yet the world keeps turning.”

“You’ll be together again,” you reassured her, “And he is with you now.”

“One with the force, right?” she asked with a wry smile.

“Something like that,” you sighed.

“Same thing goes for your friends, then.”

“I don’t know if I’d call them friends. We only just met,” you murmured, looking down.

“Sometimes lost potential is worse, because you’ll never know what could have been.” She paused for a moment as though struggling to ask her next question.

“What is it?” you asked, pressing slightly.

“Was it him?” she asked, chewing her lip. “You know, Lord Vader?”

You nodded, face heating up a bit. 

“You still want to take him down,” she stated.

“And you don’t?” you asked.

“He’s out of our league,” she replied. “He’s too powerful.”

“Right now, yes,” you admitted. “But, someday... maybe not.”

Artoo bumped your leg at that.

“It’s a shame, really,” Jynna murmured.

“What is?” you asked curiously.

“That someone so horrid can be so handsome,” she said with slight disgust.

“Even a beast can be majestic,” you replied, looking through her. You could see his golden hair like a halo around his head, and that smirk. You hated that smirk. It was self-assurance. It was confidence. It made your stomach turn, but gave you butterflies at the same time. Someday... Someday you would wipe that smirk right off his face. 

“I suppose you’re right,” she replied, breaking you from your reverie. “Have you found your room yet?”

“No. I was looking for it when I ran into you,” you admitted.

“It’s right near mine. I’ll show you,” she said, nodding for you to follow her. 

You nodded, falling in line.

The room was sparse, clinical almost. You hadn’t had four walls to call your own in so long, but you still couldn’t help compare it to the home you once had. Your room at the temple had been colorful, with trinkets from all the planets you visited. You had wanted to remember how diverse the galaxy was, and to remind yourself why you wanted to be a Jedi. Now, you had nothing to your name except the few things in your bag and the clothes on your back.

Dropping your bag on the work desk, you ran your hand along the metal desk. It wasn’t the Temple, but it’d do just fine. You’d been drifting for so long, it would be nice to just plant roots somewhere. After all, in order for anything to truly grow, it needed a strong base to stand on. 

You popped up on the desk, sitting on it as you looked around the room with a critical eye. It was plain now, but you’d make it your own. Yes, this would do nicely.

Acclimating to the base took some time, months had passed before you finally decided that it was home. You had gone from being a nameless face in a crowd, fading into the surroundings to being someone that was sought out. When there was a mission that seemed impossible, Organa and Mothma called on you. You quickly raised through the ranks, making a name for yourself.   While you were once a nobody, now you were a somebody. They whispered Vader’s name in fear, but yours in awe.

In the back of your mind, you wondered if this is what it was like to be Anakin Skywalker back during the Clone Wars. A golden child of the resistance. You’d freed entire prison garrisons on your own with Artoo, stolen a myriad of information that had helped the Rebellion grow. The mere mention of you had swaying power. Those who thought the feat impossible, saw you and knew hope.

Then, one day as you were training, finding that your body was getting stronger, faster even, you began to recognize the power you were harnessing. The simulator run you were currently doing felt effortless. Jumps were as simple as willing your body from one point to another. Every fibre of your being was charged with the force, feeling alive. It was intoxicating. 

You let the force take over, giving you strength. You could close your eyes and still see, cover your ears and still hear, stand completely still and still feel. You were one with the force and the force was with you, and you felt whole. 

Now, this... This was where the fun begins, you realized as you landed on the ground when you finished. You were ready to take him on. It was time to track him down.

It was time to hunt Vader.

Tossing a towel over your shoulder, you started back towards your chambers. You were waiting on an informant to transmit you information on Vader’s current location. Working alone had given you the benefit of being able to make friends with locals who saw you as their savior, and a few of them had decided to pay it back by feeding you information that could prove useful for the Rebellion. Most information was passed on to Mothma and Organa, but the information about Vader... that was saved. You kept track of it all, looking at it when you couldn’t sleep to try and piece together what he was up to. You were studying him, trying to find ways to understand him, if only to know how better to best him. After all, that was the only reason you were doing this, wasn’t it?

Your Master’s voice played in your head, “Know your opponent as well as yourself. The best offense is a good understanding of their defense.”

A wry smirk crossed your face as you walked into your room.

“You’ve gotten faster,” Jynna stated from your desk.

“And you’ve learned to pick locks,” you shot back teasingly. “How is the little one today?”

“He’s sleeping. I’ve been trying to teach him the little things you told me about,” she admitted.

“Is he taking to it?” you asked curiously.

“Like a Mon Calamari to water,” she grinned as you moved to sit on your bed.

“So, what brings you to my humble abode?” you asked as you leaned back against the wall.

“You’re going after him, aren’t you?” she murmured.

“I have to,” you replied. 

“You don’t have to,” she replied adamantly. “Look at all the good you’ve done just since you’ve gotten here! You’ve helped people on multiple worlds!”

“But, Jynna, I could help the whole galaxy!” you said emphatically. 

“But who will help you?” she asked softly.

“Jynna, you talk as if I won’t come back,” you chuckled.

She looked at you, appraising you like a mother who could see the truth about the dreams of her child. “You barely made it out alive the last time you fought him.”

“That was months ago!” you said incredulously. “I’m stronger now! I’ve learned and trained so much. I’m ready.”

“If you don’t come back, I won’t have anyone to train him,” she said sadly. “No one to protect him should the Empire come looking.”

“That’s not true,” you said, “You’d have this whole base to protect you.”

“They’re not you!” she cried. “What’s a blaster against a lightsaber if not a weapon of suicide?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I’ll come back. I promise. Besides, I don’t know where he is yet. All I know is that he’s been hanging around the banking system lately.”

She looked down at her shaking hands, clasping them in her lap. “Is he worth all this?”

“To rid the galaxy of a beast like that? That’s worth my life,” you said honestly. He was worth all this effort. In a way, he’d always been. You’d been bending over backwards to catch Anakin Skywalker’s attention for years. Only, now it was more important than ever.

She bit her lip and nodded. “I’ll see myself out.”

You watched her leave, a feeling of regret blossoming in your chest. Maybe she was right. Maybe you shouldn’t go after Vader. But, then you remembered all the people you’d lost because of his actions. His hands were as red with blood as the color of his lightsaber. If he wouldn’t wash them himself, then you’d cleanse them for him.

Laying back on your cot, you looked up at the ceiling. You’d tell Organa in the morning about the banking system and see if there was a mission for you there. After all, you were a member of this rebellion. You weren’t about to abandon them while they were in the thick of it. Not when your goals were in line and you could work in tandem. You'd follow Vader across the galaxy in the name of the rebellion. People feared the shadows in case he lurked there, but not you. You knew the truth. You were to be his shadow. If anything, it should be he who feared you. 

And so the predator would become the prey.

Closing your eyes, you exhaled, letting yourself fall into the force and giving yourself over to sleep.

When you woke the next morning, you felt ready to conquer the galaxy. Taking your data pad from your desk, you made your way to the war room to brief Organa on the banking clan. They’d been working with the Empire to bankrupt systems that weren’t submitting to Imperial rule. People were starving and local governments were having to raise taxes just to get through it. It was unacceptable. All the while, the Empire was stockpiling those credits in the bank to build more ships as well as some monstrosity surrounded in mystery. The project was a secret that even your informants couldn’t find out about, and that made you want to know more about it. Surely, the Senator would, too.

“You’ve got that face on,” Senator Organa commented. You’d noticed he’d gotten relaxed around you, lately. He wasn’t as stoic, and he actually smiled at you every once in a while.

“What face?” you asked with an amused smirk.

“That face.”

“That’s just my face, Senator.”

“No, it’s the face of a Jedi who’s about to say they have an idea and want to pursue it,” he sighed.

“And how do you know that face, specifically?” you asked with a raised brow.

“I’ve known my fair share of Jedi,” he said with a nostalgic smile, “And my fair share of people who should have been Jedi.”

“Well, you’re correct on that part, at least,” you admitted. “I do have an idea.”

He gestured for you to continue.

You held up your data pad for him to take. “The Banking Clan is hoarding funds for the Empire at the expense of systems who are resisting. They’re lending at higher percentages that’s leading to the bankruptcy of multiple systems.”

“The people are starving and the Empire isn’t even giving them a dime of the money that’s rightfully theirs,” he commented gravely. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to go and investigate the claim. Word on the ground is that the Empire is using those funds to fuel a secret project,” you said pointedly.

“What kind of secret project?” he asked with narrowed eyes.

“Senator, if I knew then it wouldn’t be a secret,” you deadpanned.

“Right,” he said sheepishly. “What do you need?”

“Just a ship,” you said, “I’m going alone.”

A droid tootled from nearby before rolling through the crowd towards you.

“Tell that to your friend, here,” Organa said with a smirk. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was your droid.”

You looked down at Artoo with a fond smile. “Nonsense. Artoo doesn’t belong to anyone.”

“He just happens to go on all your missions with you,” Organa pointed out with a raised brow.

“What can I say? We’re friends and he likes me,” you shrugged. “Besides, he saves the day more often than I can count.”

Artoo wobbled back and forth.

“Come on, Artoo. We’ve got a conspiracy to uncover.”

The droid beeped an affirmative and started to follow you.

“May the force be with you,” Organa called after you.

You gave him a slight salute with two fingers, “Always, Senator.”

A human and a droid boarding a ship on their own seems like the start of a good joke, but everyone knew that that human and that droid were who the rebellion sent when no one else would do. That human and that droid could accomplish more than most.

As you slipped into the pilot’s seat, you nodded towards an open interface. “Plug in, little buddy,” you smiled. 

Artoo rolled over and connected with the ship, taking control of the co-pilot controls.

You took a deep breath before pulling off into the atmosphere. In the back of your head, you felt guilty. Sure, the rebellion had a legitimate reason to be interested in the banks, but the fact that you had an ulterior motive wasn’t lost on you. You hadn’t lied. Nor had you actively tried to deceive Senator Organa. Yet, you still felt bad for not disclosing the real reason you wanted to investigate to him.

Once in hyperspace, you pulled out your data pad with your notes on them to look over the intel that had been passed onto you.

“He was last spotted here, Artoo,” you murmured, scrolling through the log of information. “I doubt he’ll still be there. He doesn’t seem to stay in one place for too long. But, we should still be able to get some valuable information from the planet.”

Artoo let out a series of beeps.

“You know why I’m doing this,” you sighed.

He bumped your chair.

“No, there’s no other reason than this. The galaxy needs to be a safer place. There’s no other reason than protecting the galaxy,” you murmured as you looked up at the streaks out your viewport. 

Except, you weren’t seeing the vast expanse of the hyperspace lane. No, in your mind, you were looking into those amber eyes that glinted like the sun. You were seeing a man who’s heart had led him astray as his face glowed from the light of two interlocked lightsabers. That fight you had had was something you replayed so often in your mind. At first, it had been to analyze your own weaknesses in order to train and overcome them. Then, it had been to look for Vader’s weak points in how he fought. But, now... now, you’d replay the fight in your mind just to analyze him. He’d been a brilliant Jedi once. The brightest star of the Order. Some stars were constant, like Master Kenobi or Master Yoda. Some still shone blue at their newness, like most young Padawan learners who had the galaxy at their feet as they grew into their powers. But, Anakin Skywalker had been the brightest star. He was going to be the true north that guided the force into balance. Instead, he had become a supernova, burning brightly before burning out. 

When you looked at Vader, it was hard not to still see Skywalker. Part of you had to wonder if he was still in there, but that part was quickly squelched by the part that saw what atrocities he committed every day. No Jedi could ever condone such violence. No, what you were looking at was a man who made a series of mistakes and owned them as if they were the right thing to do. What you saw was a man who was compensating for his actions by adopting a moral depravity that explained them. Yet... that was the problem. It was easy to look at the man now and see that he was obviously always a terrible person. But it was harder to look at Anakin Skywalker during the Clone Wars and predict that this was what he was to become. He had had everything and he threw it away, and for what? An old man that just put him into another form of slavery not that different from his life on Tatooine. He may walk free, but his life was not his own. Not anymore. Part of that made you feel for him, since he didn’t even notice the cage he was trapped in. You’d free him soon enough.

You looked down at the controls in your hands. Perhaps none of your lives were your own anymore. You hadn’t planned on this path, and you’d even avoided it, yet here you were trudging back down it.

The will of the force.

That’s what this was, wasn’t it?

The inevitable path that would lead to a head-on collision with a handsome beast of a man that at one point could have been your friend. A small voice in the back of your mind made the mistake of suggesting: perhaps more than that. But you knew where this path would take you: to another fight where only one of you would walk away intact.

Your ship pulled out of hyperspace and Mygeeto came into view. From the closet, you pulled out a warm cloak to protect you from the snow on the planet as well as it’s harsh winds. Then, you settled back in your seat and took the ship down for a landing farther away from the settlement than you’d have liked. However, this was a mission for gathering intelligence. You were hoping that a quick getaway wouldn’t be necessary.

“Well, Artoo, let’s go try to blend in,” you said with a hint of a smile. 

The two of you made your way down the ramp and towards the outskirts of the city. The hood of your cloak was pulled down over your forehead, and you kept your head down, surveilling your surroundings out of your peripherals.

It was a cold world, in both climate and architecture. Although, that wasn’t surprising given the relationship that the Banking Clan had had with the Separatists. The snow quickly covered your tracks as you walked further into the city. 

“We’re almost there, Artoo,” you murmured as you maneuvered through buildings that all had the same metallic façade. 

He let out a series of sounds that sounded an awful lot like, ‘Well, how do you know?’

“I’ve been here before,” you replied. “Back in the Clone Wars. That’s how I know my contact. The Republic fought here off and on for three years. Once, my soldiers were wounded, and a local took them in while we were stuck in a snow storm. If it hadn’t been for her, we all would have died.”

Someone walking by bumped your shoulder.

A smirk crossed your face. “Doma.”

You saw the figure go down an alleyway and followed, seeing them disappear around the corner.

Artoo let out a concerned whimper as you noticed a slit of light spilling out onto the snow.

“Don’t worry. We’re safe here,” you murmured, pulling your hood off as you entered through a doorway that had been propped open.

“I didn’t expect you to come,” a woman said. “I’ve been sending you information for months now.”

“I had to get permission first,” you replied, hanging your cloak up on a hook and shutting the door.

“Even without a Master you have a Master,” she teased.

“The force is my Master.”

“I thought the Jedi mastered the force,” she shot back.

You rolled your eyes. “It’s been too long, my friend.”

“You’re a sight for sore eyes, alright,” she winked, walking further into her small apartment. “Care for a hot drink to warm you up? I’m sure not everyone is used to the Mygeeto Chill.”

“Depends. Will it be that terrible tea you served during the war?” you chuckled as you sat at her table.

“That’s a delicacy here,” she deflected.

“That’s because no one wants it elsewhere,” you teased. “I’ll take a caf if you have it.”

Doma nodded and went to her kitchenette to prepare it. “That droid looks familiar.��

You looked at Artoo sideways. “He’s a friend.”

“You always had weird friends,” she replied.

“You’re my friend.”

“Exactly.” She placed the caf down in front of you. 

You took the mug and held it in your hands to warm you. 

“So, why are you here?” she asked, sliding into the seat across from you.

“Looking into your intel about the banks colluding with the Empire at the expense of planets who are sympathetic to the cause,” you replied as you lightly blew on the caf.

“Is that the only reason?” she asked with a raised brow.

“I’m looking to get information about Vader’s whereabouts,” you added before taking a sip.

“And?” she asked with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes. “And I missed you.”

“I knew it!” She grinned.

“Doma, can you get me into the bank?” you asked seriously. “I’ll need actual proof.”

“I can sneak you in. I’ll say you’re an intern. You’ll need a change of clothes, though,” she said thoughtfully. “They don’t trust Non-Muuns since the Clovis situation.”

“I’ll do what I have to,” you nodded.

“Good. Now, get some sleep. You’ve had a long journey, and you need to be wide awake and have no signs of lag if you’re to do this,” she said, poking you in the shoulder.

“Alright, alright,” you chuckled, going to settle on her couch.

“Good night, Jedi,” she smirked, going towards where her room was.

“Good night, Doma.”

You spent a bit of the night looking up at her ceiling as your thoughts drifted to Vader. Absentmindedly, you wondered what he was up to. Deep down, you wondered if he was maybe thinking about you, too. Eventually, you decided that was unlikely and turned over to fall asleep, letting yourself slip into a deep sleep.

While you slept, you did something you hadn’t done in a while. You dreamed. 

The temple surroundings appeared vibrant behind your eyelids. It took a moment, but you recognized that you were back in your room. When you went to get out of bed, you couldn’t. You were being held back. Looking down, you noticed an arm wrapped around your waist. Turning to peek over your shoulder, you saw a mop of golden hair. Now, you could feel the heartbeat of the person behind you. You could feel their breath on the crook of your neck.

“Stay,” a voice murmured. They were pleading in a way that made you want to melt back into them and acquiesce to the simple request, especially since it had been so long since you were held like this. Like you mattered.

You stiffened as you realized who that voice belonged to.

The owner of the voice picked their head up from where it had been buried in your back. You locked eyes with a pair of amber gems that bore into your soul.

“Ready to go so soon?  And here I thought you were coming for me,” he smirked. “You lack conviction.”

You shoved him away. This was only a dream. You backed away from the bed, but he followed, getting up and staring you down as he advanced. Soon, your back was against the wall. His metallic hand reached out to tip your chin up to look into his eyes. Your heart was hammering in your chest, and it wasn’t entirely out of fear as his thumb grazed your chin.

“You’re different, Jedi,” he smirked, making your heart skip a beat. “How interesting.”

You sat up on the couch in a cold sweat. Artoo let out a concerned murmur.

“I’m okay,” you gasped, settling your racing heart. “I’m okay.”

The droid came over next to the couch and you rested a hand on him.

“It was just a bad dream,” you murmured.

Artoo backed away slightly from you. The last time his friend had bad dreams, that didn’t end well.

You let out a sigh and laid back down. “I’ll be fine. Good night, Artoo.”

Turning to face the cushions, your brow furrowed. Why was Vader in your dream, and more importantly, why had he been holding you close like that? Some voice deep within you murmured, and why did I like it? 

Scrunching your eyes shut, you could still feel the phantom warmth at your back. It unnerved you slightly, but you didn’t have time to focus on that. You needed rest so that you would be at your best when you infiltrated the banking clan in the morning. Sleep didn’t come easily, but it came eventually. This time it was dreamless, which was a blessing. 

When you woke in the morning, it was to streaks of light across your face as they slipped in from the transparisteel. Rubbing your eyes with the heels of your hand, you stretched on the couch. It wasn’t the best night of sleep in your life, and you definitely slept on your neck at a weird angle for half the night, but it wasn’t anything a hot shower couldn’t fix. 

Swinging your legs over the side of the couch, you sat up and took in a deep breath. The air in your lungs was cold, sending a shiver down your spine. If you ever had the option of staying on one world when this was all over, it would be a warm planet, because you hated the cold. 

Going towards the refresher, you noticed that Doma had laid out an outfit for you. It was a jumpsuit with an outer skirt and a weird vest. The only good thing about it was that you could hide your weapon with the skirt. Other than that, you weren’t a fan. It clung in places that you hadn’t had clothing cling before. After showering and changing into it, you were already starting to miss your own clothes. With one disapproving glance at yourself in Doma’s bathroom mirror, you went back out towards the kitchen.

“I see you found the outfit I lent you,” Doma commented.

“Thanks, I hate it,” you smirked.

“Careful, Jedi. Hate leads to the dark side,” she teased.

You waved her off and grabbed your cloak off the hook. “Ready when you are.”

She nodded, “Alright. But, the droid stays here.”

Casting a glance at Artoo, you responded, “Where he goes, I go.”

“It’ll be easier to just sneak you in,” Doma pointed out.

That was a reasonable explanation. You sighed. “Sorry, Artoo. Looks like you’ll have to stay here.”

Artoo nudged you towards the door. You started to head out with Doma, casting him a worried glance when the door closed behind the two of you.

“You’re really attached to that droid,” Doma murmured as the two of you started walking towards the main building.

“He’s my friend.”

“I thought Jedi weren’t supposed to have attachments.”

“We’re allowed to have friends. We just have to be able to let go when the time is right,” you replied.

“You’d be able to let go of one of the only ties to your old life that you have?” she asked.

“If I had to,” you replied.

“But you don’t want to.”

“Does anyone ever want to let go of someone?” you countered.

“We’re here,” she murmured, taking her badge out to get into the building. “Don’t draw unnecessary attention.”

You nodded, pulling your hood down as you followed her into the building. People barely spared you a glance as you made your way down the main hall towards her office.

“Where are we going?” you asked. “According to the schematics you sent me, the vault is in the other direction.”

“You can’t just waltz into the vault,” she hissed, closing the door to her office behind the two of you. Then, she gestured to a hatch in the ceiling. “You’re going to have to go through the vent.”

“Great. Crawling through meters of air ducts. Feels just like I’m back in the Order,” you frowned as you reached up to open the duct.

“Do you have the schematics on you?” she asked, settling into her chair.

You tapped your wrist band. “I’ve got the map if I need, but I’m sure if I just follow the sound of thievery and corruption I’ll find my way just fine.”

Doma rolled her eyes at you as you jumped up into the duct. “Be safe, Jedi. May the Force be with you.”

You gave her a wink before shimmying down the vent. Jedi didn’t have claustrophobia, but you did feel like the vents were getting smaller as you went along. Eventually, you were crawling along on your hands and knees instead of being slightly crouched.

Looking down through the grate in front of you, you could see the vault. Carefully, you opened it to peer down into the space. Consulting your schematics, you realized that the data you were looking for was stored a few rows over from where you would drop down. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and steeled yourself for what would happen next.

The drop to the floor was long, and it would put you in a maze of shelves holding data. Instead, you dropped onto a shelving unit to keep a good view of the ground around you as you crept along. The data you sought was a few columns over. The room wasn’t crowded, but there were the occasional workers and droids. You’d have to be fast if you wanted to get out undetected. When you found the column you needed, you rolled off the shelf and landed soundlessly on the floor.

Casting a furtive glance around you, you pulled out a datapad from under your skirt and plugged into the mainframe. The damage was so much worse than you thought as you scanned the information. They were bankrupting more than half the galaxy while the Empire was rolling in credits. It made your stomach sick as you thought of all those people dying from hunger and living in poverty. Poverty that the Empire could have prevented, but people can’t fight back if they’re too weak from hunger. It was despicable, and the banking clan was complacent in making it happen. Footsteps resounded in the room around you, but you kept yourself as cool as a dead star. You watched the screen with interest as it loaded the data you needed. It was almost done when the footsteps got closer. 

95 percent. The footsteps sounded like they were a few rows away. 

97 percent. They were two rows away. 

99 percent. They were around the corner. 

100 percent. You unplugged and jumped up onto the shelf, holding your breath. The Muun on the floor kept walking right past you. Looking up at the ceiling, you thanked the force before starting to head back to the air vent. Jumping up from the shelf wasn’t difficult, and you had the hatch closed and were crawling along the vent again in no time. 

Alone with your thoughts, you began to think of what you would have done if you were still a Jedi in the Order. Your Master would have taken down this entire operation in the name of justice and freedom, wouldn’t they? All you had on you was your saber and one charge, but with the right plan, that was all you’d need. Gravity would take care of the rest. A plan started to form the further from the vault you got. Soon enough, you were jumping back down into Doma’s office.

“Took you long enough,” she smirked.

“Yeah, well, it’s a maze,” you shot back.

“Did you have any trouble?” she asked with a raised brow.

“It was like taking clams from a Gungan,” you smirked, holding up the data pad. 

“Good, now you can go.”

“I can’t just leave,” you said adamantly. 

“You have the information. What else do you need?” she asked in confusion.

“I need to know where he is, and I need the Empire to know they’re being watched,” you replied seriously.

“Do you have a death wish?” she asked incredulously.

“No, but they need to know that people won’t turn a blind eye anymore,” you replied. 

“How are you going to achieve that?” Doma asked skeptically.

“I’m going to get my information. Then I’m going to set charges and destroy the building.”

“You can’t destroy the banking clan. Imagine what that would do to the intergalactic economy!”

“I wouldn’t be destroying the bank. We all know they keep the money elsewhere, if they have it at all. I’d just be destroying the symbol of it,” you said, pulling your cloak back on.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” she sighed.

“Just get Artoo and go back to the ship. There won’t be anything left for you here when I’m done,” you replied.

Doma shook her head. “You’re going to get me a new job!”

“I’m sure the resistance can find something,” you shot back before heading back out into the hall. 

The vault was in the middle of the building. if you weakened along the support beams, it would all come crashing down with one charge. After all, you only had one emergency charge. Making your way towards Vice Chairman Anolo’s office, you used your saber to weaken the support beams. His office was on the top floor, overlooking the city below. You didn’t care if someone figured out what you were at this point. Your work was mostly done. Doma was going to be safe. You could take these risks, because you were only risking yourself. Using the force, you opened the door to a startled Anolo at his desk.

“Who are you?” he asked incredulously.

You ignited your saber. You had no intent to harm him, but he didn’t know that.

“Focus less on who I am, and more on telling me what I want to know,” you shot back. “Where’s Vader?”

“He’s not here!” Anolo replied as you walked closer to him.

You swung and cut off a corner of his desk. “That’s not a real answer!”

“H-he’s on Eadu! Left a few rotations ago!” 

You let your saber fall to your side. “Now, was that so hard?”

Anolo cowered behind his desk as you started to leave. You paused at the doorway. 

“Oh, and you may want to evacuate. Rumor has it the economy is about to crash,” you smirked, throwing your charge on the last support beam. 

You cut a hole in the wall before jumping onto a nearby cliff face. With a satisfied grin, you pressed the button on your commlink that detonated the charge. The explosion came first, followed by a lurch to the side. Then, the building started to cave in on itself. 

Pulling your hood over your face, you turned and made your way into the forest behind you. Your work here was done.

The snow crunched under your feet as you made your way back to the ship. You could see your breath in the air and you were quite glad when you saw the outline of your vessel through the trees. Doma was sitting on the ramp wrapped in a blanket. Artoo was next to her. They had been waiting for you. You felt slightly guilty.

“Did you get the answer you were looking for?” she asked.

You looked down. “Eadu.”

She nodded, getting up from the ramp to head back inside. “I assume you’re dropping me off, first.”

“That’s the plan,” you replied.

“Was this the plan?” she asked at the top of the ramp, back towards you.

You didn’t have an answer for her. Originally, you were just collecting information. It wasn’t until you saw how deep the corruption was that you had decided to do this, but your silence was all the answer she needed.

“That’s what I thought,” she sighed before disappearing inside.

Artoo let out an admonishing set of beeps.

“Hey, you’re one to talk! You’re an agent of chaos,” you shot back.

Artoo let out a whistle of outrage.

“You heard me,” you smirked.

He bumped you.

“But, you’re right,” you sighed. “Organa isn’t going to be pleased.”

The droid looked up at you and let out some softer sounds.

“Yeah, Mothma will probably give me a promotion,” you chuckled softly. “Come on, let’s go home.”

The two of you made your way up the ramp and settled in for the trip home. It was a decidedly quiet trip, with Doma questioning leaving all that she had known for the unknown life of the rebellion, and you questioning yourself.

You caught yourself drifting back to the dream you had. Domesticity with Vader. The idea was almost laughable, as if anyone could ever tame that beast. He was wild. Unhinged. Unpredictable. Your mind briefly thought about the events of today, and for the shortest moment thinking about how maybe the same could have been said of you.

But, you were nothing like Vader. You weren’t the beast. You were the hunter protecting the village from him. Yet, just like the hunter, you could see the beauty in your quarry. He was fearless. Powerful. His gaze held a certain hunger that kept you in your place for fear of being eaten. Those amber eyes lit a flame in you, but you didn’t want to admit it. After all, how could someone who lives in the dark ignite a flame? It didn’t make sense. You had the same need to possess him as you had to defeat him. He had taken everything away from you, and continued to rampage across the galaxy, which warranted his defeat, but the way he carried himself entranced you. He was a man with nothing left to lose. You figured it must be lonely, but a part of you envied him, to have that sense of freedom was something you would never have.

Taking a deep breath, you landed the craft back at base, preparing yourself for the inevitable.

No sooner had you disembarked, you were getting yelled at.

“Conference room. Now,” Organa barked.

You looked at Artoo and Doma before following him into the room. 

“You destroyed the banking clan?” Organa asked incredulously after the door closed.

“Free markets are supposed to be a good thing,” you shrugged.

“That is not even close to what this is about. You were supposed to gather intel!”

“And I did!” you said, chucking him the data. “It’s all there.”

“But the bank isn’t.”

“I had to send a message.”

“Do you know what the retaliation for that will be?” he asked, leaning forward on the table.

“Enlighten me, Senator,” you shot back.

“You just put yourself on the radar.”

“Good. He should know I’m coming for him,” you smirked.

“Well, what about the rest of us? You just put the rebellion in danger with that stunt.”

“They don’t know who I’m working for. I could just be a standalone vigilante,” you shrugged.

“You better hope that’s the case,” he said darkly. “Dismissed.”

You sighed, folding your arms across your chest and leaving.

“Well, that went well,” you said to Artoo who had been listening outside the door.

He tootled something akin to: ‘I told you so.’

“Yeah, yeah. Maybe I’ll start listening to you.”

He beeped back, ‘Yeah, maybe you should.’

You playfully toed him. “Come on, little buddy. Let’s get Doma settled in.”

After showing Doma to her new quarters and introducing her to the people she’d be working with to take care of the rebellion’s expenses, you went back to your own room. Flopping on your bed, you pulled out a holomap of Eadu.

“What are you doing here, Ani?” you murmured to yourself as you tried to figure out what could possibly be of use to the Empire on Eadu. The planet was an insurance claim waiting to happen with the amount of storms they had there. Flying there wasn’t easy, but that would make it a decent base, you supposed. Chewing your lip, you thought about what Organa had said. Had you drawn attention to the rebellion? Then again, the Emperor had to know about the rebellion by now. It was always a shock to you that Organa and Mothma could continue to work in the Senate while still doing all this. They covered their tracks nicely, but they weren’t above suspicion. However, the Emperor probably assumed they were afraid of him, and fear was a good enough motivator to keep people in line.

With a sigh, you closed your map. You’d take a day to regroup and dig up more information. Then, you’d go to Eadu.

There was a tentative knock on your door.

“It’s unlocked,” you called out.

Jynna entered.

“I heard about your mission,” she murmured as she sat on the edge of your bed.

“It didn’t go according to plan,” you replied.

“So you didn’t intend to destroy a building when you set out yesterday?” she asked with a raised brow.

“Not particularly. Sometimes things just crop up.”

“Were there people in there?” she asked softly.

“Does it matter?” you replied. “I gave them a warning to leave. I assumed that most people would see a Jedi cutting the support beams and get out of the building.”

She shot you a look. “The day we stop thinking it matters is the day we become more like them.”

“Its a war, Jynna. There’s always a sacrifice to be made,” you sighed, thinking back on the many clones you had lost that way.

“When we sacrifice our values, that’s the day we lose,” she replied, getting up.

“Jynna, wait,” you said, sitting up. “I had to show the Empire that someone’s watching.”

“No, you had to show Vader that someone’s watching.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“One man is not a whole institution, Jedi.”

“Cut off the head of the dragon and the serpent dies.”

“Where there’s a void in power, another will seize it,” she countered. “Look at the Emperor. That’s how he came to power.”

You sighed and looked down. “I didn’t set out to kill anyone. I just wanted to destroy the building.”

“Our actions have consequences that we may not always see at the time,” she replied.

“You sound like Master Yoda.”

“Was Master Yoda a mother?” she asked in amusement.

“Not exactly,” you chuckled.

She caught sight of your map on the table. “You’re leaving again.”

“Anolo told me where Vader was heading.”

“So the hunt resumes,” she said hollowly as she went towards the door. “When will it end?”

“When one of us is gone.”

“That doesn’t sound very Jedi-like,” she paused with her back to you.

“He’s a Sith, and I am a Jedi. This is just how it is.”

“I thought only a Sith dealt in absolutes,” she said.

Your eyes narrowed. “I don’t appreciate that insinuation.”

“He was like you once. Are you sure there’s no hope for him?” she asked seriously, turning to face you.

“After all that he’s done, and the lack of remorse he has for it all, I think he’s too far gone,” you admitted.

She studied you for a moment. “I suppose you’ll do what you must. Wear a jacket. Eadu’s weather is unpredictable.”

You stared after her long after she had disappeared from view. 

She couldn’t have been right. If the Sith could be reasoned with, then the council wouldn’t have been hunting them down. Were they two sides of the same credit? No, that wasn’t right either. After all, the Sith were not the exact opposite of the Jedi. The force was a spectrum of light and dark. That much you knew.

Not even Vader was the exact opposite of Skywalker. You could see that in the way he carried himself. Anakin had always had confidence. Now, he just had arrogance as well. He always walked like he owned the galaxy, but now he almost did. His grin was still mischievous, and he still was trying to prove himself, never content that he was enough. Except, he had been enough. He just never realized it. That’s what made his fall hurt the most. 

Those months after the fall, you spent your time analyzing everything, wondering if you could have done anything different. Yet, as you thought back on what Organa had told you, perhaps this had happened for a reason. Perhaps this was the will of the force. You were meant for this confrontation. You were meant for this growth. He was your catalyst. In a way, you supposed you should be grateful. You never could have become strong like this without the exact set up that brought you to the rebellion. Yet, strength was nothing but a measure of endurance. Looking over at the map of Eadu, you smirked. You had endurance for the long haul.

Swinging your legs over the side of your bed, you got up to train. In truth, part of it was because you wanted to stay sharp for the fight ahead, but part of it was also the fact that you didn’t want to sleep. You were worried that you’d dream of him again.

Your arms moved on their own accord, blocking with your lightsaber. You were on autopilot, letting the force guide you. All the while, you were thinking about Mygeeto. You’d killed those people. Not on purpose, but you’d done it. What did that say about you? It certainly told the Empire that someone was onto them, and it would spark fear in the next person to cheat the galaxy out of their own credits at the expense of the people. It had to be done. You’d given them fair warning. It wasn’t cruel. 

The training droid landed a blast that stung your shoulder. You reached out with the force and shoved it into a wall. Wiping your brow with the back of your hand, you thought back to Vader. He didn’t give warnings when he did things like that. He just did them, consequences be damned. You were nothing like him.

You kept training well into the night, watching as everyone upstairs started to wrap up for the night, leaving a sparse night shift. Eventually, you saw Organa looking down at you training. Mothma came up next to him before pressing a button on the panel. The training room shut down.

“Get some sleep,” Mothma said over the loudspeaker.

“I need to train,” you shot back.

“No, you need to not drive yourself into the ground,” Organa ground out. “That’s an order, Jedi.”

Your chest puffed up in annoyance before you exhaled. “Fine.”

The two of them nodded down at you before moving on. You deactivated your saber and showered before going to bed. Blinking, the map of Eadu burned itself into your brain as you slowly succumbed to sleep.

“You just can’t stay away, can you?” a voice teased.

“You’re not real,” you replied, clenching your jaw.

A feather-light touch grazed up and down your arm. It was cold. Metallic. It sent a shiver down your spine. “But you wish I was.”

“I will destroy you,” you huffed.

“Oh? Will you destroy me, or will you destroy yourself?” Vader purred into your ear.

“You know nothing.”

“I am you. I know everything,” he countered.

You took several deep breaths, willing the dream away. Your mind was playing tricks on you. Eventually, you found yourself in the force and left the dream behind you.

When you woke the next morning, you decided to leave a day early. You told no one where you were going. You didn’t like the fact that Organa felt like he could order you about. With the Order gone, you answered to no man. Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you walked towards your small ship. A slight smile toyed at your lips as you heard the familiar sound of a motor following you.

“This isn’t an official mission,” you told the droid.

He tootled back a reply.

“It’s a wonder you’ve lasted as long as you have with your penchant for danger and utter disregard for the rules,” you teased.

He bumped you as if to say, ‘Look who’s talking.’

“Yeah, yeah,” you murmured, smile dripping from your face. You had become reckless, hadn’t you? The two of you made your way into the ship and started the take off sequence. Soon, you were coasting through hyperspace on your way to Eadu. Soon, you found yourself thinking about what could possibly happen when you got there.

Going to Mygeeto, you had known that Vader would probably not have been there. The intel was recent enough, but it had also reported that he had left. There was a very real possibility that you would see him on Eadu, and you didn’t know how to feel about that.

“Have you seen him, Artoo?” you asked quietly as you stared out into space. “Since...” you trailed off, knowing the droid knew the rest.

He shook his head.

“He hasn’t changed much, physically,” you murmured. “Except his eyes... Before they were blue like an ocean threatening to drown you. Now, they’re golden, like an ember in a hearth. At first glance, it seems warm and inviting, but it still has the potential to burn down a home. His clothes are darker. Before he just looked like Obi-Wan’s shadow, but now it’s like he’s embraced the darkness, becoming one with it.”

Artoo let out a murmur.

“I’ll stop talking about him,” you assured the droid. “We have to figure out a safe place to land, anyway.”

The droid projected his own map up before zooming in on an area between a couple of crags.

“Are you sure we’ll be protected from the wind when we go to take off again? We can’t risk getting cut up on those cliffs,” you pointed out.

Artoo let out an indignant set of beeps.

“Okay, okay. I trust you. We’ll land there,” you said, holding up your hands placatingly.

Artoo tootled and closed out the map. If he had a face, you were sure he’d have a smug grin on it. 

“Coming out of hyperspace,” you chuckled as you reverted back to real space.

Eadu loomed in the space in front of you. You didn’t know if it was the landing, or the prospect of what you’d find on the planet, but you felt a rush of nerves flutter through your stomach. Stretching your hand before flourishing your fingers on the controls, you started to bring the ship into the atmosphere.

You clenched the controls in your hands as you struggled against the rough winds of the planet, threatening to careen your ship into the cliffs. This would not be a happy landing. Gritting your teeth, you followed Artoo’s instructions, listing slightly to the side to get to your landing zone. Wind howled on either side of the craft as you battled the wind to land, being pushed forward all the while. You took a centering breath before extending the landing gear, hoping the added drag would help slow you down enough to land. The gambit worked and you roughly touched down on the ground.

Artoo let our a series of beeps, ‘Well, I’ve seen worse.’

“They’re not good flying conditions. As much as I hate it, it makes sense for a secret base. No one’s going to want to come here if they don’t have to,” you muttered as you got out of your seat. You tugged on your jacket and started to head out when you heard your friend follow you.

“No, Artoo. I think you should stay here. The weather is nasty. I wouldn’t want you to get damaged,” you told him softly.

He let out a whine.

“I’ll be back soon,” you promised with a soft smile on your face. You gave him a small salute before heading down the side of the cliff towards the secret Imperial base. 

Wind and rain whipped your hair around and stuck your clothes to your body. Halfway down the cliff, a chill set in, but you blocked it out as you saw yourself getting closer and closer to the base. Someday, you’d go some place warm, you promised yourself.

Gently landing on top of the base, you walked carefully so as not to slip on the slick, wet, durasteel. You found the access hatch and quietly opened it before slipping into the building to find yourself in another ventilation system.

You rolled your eyes, grumbling about how you always found yourself in ventilation ducts and how the Imperials are bad at security as you started to crawl along.

Eventually, you came to a deserted hall and decided to drop down. Now you understood.

You understood why the base was hidden so well.

It was because of what the base was.

It was a lab.

Looking around, you saw odd animals you’d never seen before. In cages there were hybrids that were so unnatural that their mere existence pained them, the feeling radiating off them in waves. With horror, the truth hit you like a ton of durasteel. These were experiments. Unethical experiments where the Imperials were so caught up on whether or not they could do it, that they didn’t ask whether or not they should. These were the workings of a being with no moral compass. 

You bit your lip as you continued on your way, sick to your stomach. That was when you heard a small noise.

It sounded like crying.

Following the noise, you found yourself looking into a dark cell. There was a balled shadow figure on the ground cradling something- no, someone- to its chest. The crouched figure looked up at you, a spark of recognition in their eyes.

“J-Jedi?” the figure whimpered.

You knew that voice.

It was a voice you didn’t think you’d hear again.

“Gavyn?” you asked, quickly working at the door to free him. “Gavyn, what have they done to you?”

“O-oon’sara’s dead,” he sobbed, holding her limp body to his chest. “When we fled with the Wookies, they destroyed our hyperdrive so we couldn’t jump. The Empire assumed Chitca was an escaped prisoner and took her back to the base.”

“How did you get here?” you asked, gently extracting his fallen crew mate from his arms.

“Tarkin,” he whispered. “When we were brought aboard, he said that he might as well find a use for the ‘rebel scum.’”

“What use?” you asked, but you were afraid of the answer. “Gavyn, we’ve got to get out of here.

“No,” he said adamantly, pushing you out of the cell and into the light. “I’m too- I’m too damaged.”

“Gavyn, you’re not making sense!” you said as you held his arms.

He finally stepped into the light and you understood. Gavyn wasn’t the same. He had burns all over his body that looked like he had been marred with pocks. Hesitantly, you reached up to touch hardware that had been wired into his head.

“They did this to you?” you asked, eyes welling with tears.

“They wanted to know what we knew,” he replied like it made sense. “To take the information for their own use.”

Your eyes widened in horror, “Did they get it?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head dismissively. “During implantation, they botched it and ended up destroying the memory. I think it was done on purpose. There are some sympathetic to our cause here.”

“Gavyn, anyone who would do this to another being is not sympathetic,” you said in disgust.

“This isn’t the real reason for the base,” he murmured. “They’re building a super weapon. The likes of which haven’t been seen before. They want to destroy whole planets.”

“That’s not possible,” you said, shaking your head in denial.

“That’s what the small scale experiments are for. They’re trying to perfect a smaller version of the ray gun before they start working on a larger one,” he explained. 

“What do they consider a successful test?” you asked in horror.

“One that disintegrates the target. Or at least part of it,” he said, holding up his hand. He was missing a finger.

You heard footsteps marching towards the corridor.

“I’m getting you out of here,” you said as you started towards the door.

“No. I’ll never make it out. I’ll only slow you down,” he said seriously.

“Then we’ll fight,” you said, taking your lightsaber from your side.

“Go and leave me,” he said adamantly.

“If I leave you here, they’ll torture you,” you said, feeling hot tears stream down your face. You knew what he would ask next, but force, did you wish you didn’t. A pit formed in your stomach.

“Kill me,” he said sadly.

“Jedi don’t kill needlessly,” you said adamantly.

“It’s not needless. It’s mercy. Please, Jedi. I’m begging you,” he said, grabbing your hand with your weapon and aiming it towards his chest.

The footsteps got closer. 

You closed your eyes tight, listening to the sound of your saber ignite. 

His body was heavy against yours as his head fell against your shoulder.

“Thank... you,” he murmured into you.

Gently, you lowered him to the ground, closing his eyes. You looked down at the weapon in your hand, and then at your fallen crew. The Empire had done this. They had caused this pain. The pit in your stomach started to boil. Your skin felt hot and started to flush as the footsteps got closer. The troopers rounded the corner and you unleashed a battle cry of hurt and rage before you began to slice your way through them and towards the room where the scientists worked. 

They raised their unarmed hands to the ceiling and begged for mercy, but you didn’t listen. You prepared to cut them down, not paying attention to the body count as you stepped over your fallen foes.

“Mercy? Like the kind of mercy you showed my friends?” you asked in your rage. “You don’t deserve mercy!”

You made quick work of the scientists before going onto the command deck.

Your chest heaved as you stood off against the last crew member alive, some captain or admiral. You didn’t care enough to bother with rank. Dropping your saber to your side, your other hand came up and reach out before clenching into a fist. The man clawed at his throat as his feet dangled inches above the floor.

“Tell me about this weapon,” you demanded. You released just enough for him to answer.

“I-it’s a planet destroyer. The Death Star. Moff Tarkin is in charge of the project.”

“And Vader?” you asked.

“Wants nothing to do with it! He’s only involved because the Emperor makes him be,” they gasped.

“Were you aware of the experiments on living beings?” you asked incredulously.

“It was in the name of progress!”

You tightened your grip.

“Where is he?” you asked through gritted teeth. 

“Moff Tarkin is on the Carrion Spike,” he gasped.

“Try again.”

“V-Vader?” he asked, wide eyed. “He’s on Mustafar. Y-you’re h-hunting the Sith Lord?”

You raised a brow, a slight smirk tugging at your lips. You clenched your fist before turning on your heel. A thud could be heard behind you.

“I’m a Jedi. Sith Lords are our specialty,” you huffed as you put your saber back on its clip. You wouldn’t be needing it anymore right now.

Your footsteps echoed through the building as you made your way out to the landing deck.

“Artoo, can you pick me up?”

The droid beeped emphatically.

“No, it’s safe. Trust me. We won’t have any issues,” you said darkly as you walked out onto the landing platform.

Wind whipped your cloak behind you, exposing your face to the weather. The rain poured harder, chilling you to the bone. There was a wild fire in your eyes as you took in the storm around you. Closing your eyes and exhaling, a slight puff of air formed in front of your lips as the world melted away. The storm didn’t bother you anymore because you were the storm.

Artoo pulled the ship up and landed next to you. Your steps were measured as you made your way to the ship. 

Sliding into the pilot’s seat, you were silent as you pulled up into the updraft, surging towards the upper atmosphere. 

Your little droid cautiously rolled next to you as you started to set the navigational system.

He let out a concerned whimper.

“That’s where they said he is,” you replied with resolve as you punched the ship into hyperspace.

Artoo slowly rolled away from you, but you didn’t notice. You were too lost in your own thoughts.

After all these years, you’d finally have him. You’d have your chance to avenge the Order, to avenge the countless lives that died by his hand, to avenge Anakin. You’d be the one to tame the beast.

A flash of a smile broke through your thoughts. His smile. Anakin’s smile that Vader wore on his face, a mocking mask. The smile that had the power to restore the sun to the sky and warm your heart on the coldest night. Vader didn’t deserve that smile. But, a part of you had to wonder if the beast that was Vader was always inside of Anakin all along, if he had just released what was already his inner truth, or if it were like the old proverb about Loth wolves. There were two in every man, one good, one bad, and the one who is in control is the one you feed. Did that mean that Vader and Anakin were the same?

You were shivering, but you hadn’t noticed. Not until Artoo gave up on distancing himself to place a blanket in your lap. 

“I loved him,” you admitted. You chewed your cheek for a moment, tears unshed. “He was my hero, and now he’s my enemy.”

A single tear slipped down your cheek. 

Artoo emitted soft beeps.

“I know,” you murmured. “You loved him, too. That’s why you understand. Letting Vader live would be a foolish decision based off hope. Hope that he could come back. Hope that Anakin is still in there.” You swiped your face. “We both know he’s not. If we really loved Anakin, then we’d set him free.”

Artoo turned his head away from you.

You were resigned to the fact that this was your fate. Yours and his were always intertwined. The Force had made it so. You knew about all he was, and yet, you still admired him. You still loved him. It was the beast on exhibit that you watched with admiration. It was the natural predator you watched with awe that escaped and was wreaking havoc. It was the inexplicable pull to want what you shouldn’t have. The need to test fate to see if he’d destroy you, too, but the knowledge to know that if you got the chance, you should destroy him first for the good of the galaxy. 

Mustafar came into view, and you let out a slight sigh. Finally, a warm planet. 

Artoo rattled beside you, photoreceptor locked in on the planet as it came further and further into view.

As you got closer, you noticed him staring at you.

“What is it?” you asked, not turning to look at him.

He beeped sadly, ‘I have a bad feeling about this.’

You took the ship in for a landing, finding a landing platform to a fortress left unguarded. “He’s in there. I can feel it.”

Getting up, you peeled off your rain gear and grabbed your saber before heading towards the door.

Reaching up his arm, Artoo grabbed ahold of your shirt.

“Artoo, let go,” you said in slight annoyance.

He started to roll back to pull you into the ship.

“Artoo!” you exclaimed. “Stop!”

The droid stopped and looked down. He let go.

You took a knee in front of him, a glint in your eye. Placing your hand on his dome, you looked at him seriously. “Artoo, I have to do this. It’s the will of the force. If...” you trailed off with a sigh. “If I don’t come back within a standard hour, leave without me.”

Artoo affectionately bumped you. 

“May the force be with you, too, little droid,” you said with a lopsided smile before heading down the ramp.

Artoo rolled out to the top of the ramp to watch you disappear into the fortress. He hated it here. Mustafar. He’d lost too many Masters here.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed open the heavy doors into the fortress. It was dark, with obsidian walls and floors that echoed your steps down the long hall. The magma through the viewports cast the fortress in an eerie glow. Your hand clenched the hilt of your lightsaber as you made your way down the hall. It was unnerving, hearing only the sounds of yourself amongst the silence. 

Crossing through a threshold, you saw ornate sconces lining the walls of a throne room. There, seated on a throne of stone was Vader.

An amused smile settled onto his face as he took in your presence. His eyes trailed your body as his gaze turned from amusement to appreciation. You knew you had to look like a hot mess, yet he still regarded you as if you were the most attractive being in the galaxy. 

“I was wrong to underestimate you, Padawan,” he smirked, crossing his legs and leaning back in his chair. “So you’ve come here to kill me?”

You ignited your saber, feeling your face heat up. It’s surely from the heat outside, though, you reassured yourself. It certainly wasn’t from the man who’s presence washed over you even from meters away, threatening to sweep you off your feet.

“Fight me,” you said with your teeth bared, “I won’t strike an unarmed man.”

His grin widened as he got up from his throne, leaving his cloak behind on the seat. He didn’t need it. His broad shoulders casted a shadow longer than the fabric did, anyway. “Oh, won’t you? I’ve been following your trail of destruction with great interest, little lamb.”

“Don’t call me that,” you spat.

“Of course not. You’re not a lamb anymore, are you?” he purred as he reached forward to drag a gloved finger down your cheek to your chin, hooking it under to look in your eyes. His pupils dilated as he took in your gaze. “No, you’ve become the hunter now.”

Vader stepped back and held his arms open towards you. “Do it. Strike me down.”

“I told you,” you repeated. “I won’t strike an unarmed man.”

“But, you already have,” he grinned. “Those platoons? Your missions in the outer rim for that band of rebels you call friends? Your little show of power on Mygeeto?” His voice dropped lower as his gaze turned serious. “Eadu.”

“No,” you said with a shake of your head, but your voice was shaking. “That was for the rebellion. It was justice. I am working towards freedom! Towards peace for all those families that the Empire has destroyed!”

“Did those men not have families? Did some of them even want to be there? Or were they just pawns in the greater scheme of things?” he asked with a raised brow. “I’m sure you of all people know what that feels like.”

His words stung, but the truth cut deep, like shrapnel from a bomb that you weren’t aware you were standing next to. You let your saber fall to your side, aimed at the ground.

Vader walked towards a wall of mirrors across the room that reflected the light from the lava. With the bend of his fingers towards his palm, your feet slid across the smooth stone floor until you stood next to him. His figure towered over you.

“Look in the mirror, little beast. Tell me, what do you see? Is it still you, or is it me?” he purred.

You looked at the reflections of the two of you. He was devoid of color. Devoid of life. A shadow in the night. You looked like a smuggler. A criminal. That was still a far cry from the truth, but it wasn’t hard for you to answer his question. “I’m nothing like you,” you ground out.

“Oh?” he asked softly, pushing you closer to the mirror. His hands rested on your shoulders as he forced you to look into your face. His lips grazed your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. “Look again. Do you see it?”

Your mouth fell open as you noticed it, finally. All those glints over the course of months. The specks of gold that flickered in and out of your reflections had come to stay. Your eyes were no longer your own. They were just like his. A prickle of fear started to turn your blood cold, but not at the knowledge that your actions had done this. No, you felt fear at the fact that you wouldn’t take any of it back even if you could, because they had made you stronger, and you liked being strong.

“You are magnificent,” Vader breathed. “Ruthless. Passionate. Powerful.”

His eyes met yours in the mirror and for once you didn’t see anger or hatred. You saw admiration. Want. And it shook you to your core.

“No,” you said softly, trying to hold onto the teachings of your Master, but you could no longer recall their words of wisdom.

“Embrace the darkness,” he said emphatically, hands tightening on your shoulders. His words grew frantic as his hands slid down your arms to your wrists. “I will help you see that you could be limitless, fearless, if you follow me.” His voice grew softer as his nose dragged up your neck. “You’ve already had a taste of what you could have. You felt it on Eadu, didn’t you? Wasn’t it worth it?”

You shook him off and stepped away, rubbing your wrists where his residual warmth was. Eadu was wrong, but it felt so right. Your blade had decimated, but never had you felt more powerful, more in tune with the force. The force was lightning, and you were its rod, directing its fury onto the deserving who would subvert morality for their own gain.

“Are you still going to kill me?” he asked quietly.

“No,” you said dejectedly as you looked at the saber in your hand. It felt heavier than before. You couldn’t kill him. Not now. Not when you were the same.

“Don’t you see?” he asked, brushing your hair out of your face before cupping your cheek. “We are the lions in a world of lambs. We are the predators-the hunters. We don’t have to hide. You don’t have to hide. Not anymore. Join me.”

You leaned into his touch for a moment before you caught yourself and pushed his hand away. 

Slowly, he started to circle you, but you didn’t feel like his prey. You felt like his equal. You didn’t cower. When he noticed you weren’t afraid, he came to a stop in front of you.

“Do you feel the hunger for more? More than a Jedi should? You could feel everything. You wouldn’t need to restrain yourself to the rules of a fallen order that left you to die alone. With power like yours, we could be unstoppable. We could rule- together,” Vader pleaded as he held his hand out to you.

“I thought the Emperor was your Master. There can only be two,” you murmured.

“Your point?” he asked as his eyes softened. 

You took a step towards him.

His lip pulled up slightly at the corner.

As you locked eyes, you felt your heart slow to a steady rhythm. This was the most peace you’d felt in months. Here you were on equal footing- for now. Here you were no longer a Padawan. Here you were no longer a Jedi. You were just you, and that’s how he saw you. It was just like when you’d first met Anakin Skywalker. While others saw a lowly Padawan, he hadn’t seen rank. He’d seen you. And now... now you truly saw him. You saw a man who was willing to topple everything he knew for you. You saw a man who wasn’t afraid to feel. You saw a man that had taught you to not be ashamed to feel. Most of all, you saw a man you had never stopped loving.

You swallowed a lump in your throat.

Decision made.

You placed your hand on his shoulder. Your other hand came up to cup his face.

His smile turned genuine as he covered your hand with his.

Leaning in, you pressed a kiss to his lips. He started to kiss back as your eyes fluttered closed.

And then you pushed him down to his knees.

Finally, you were free.

[august-anon]

AO3 is cool, but...what about fanfictionnet Does everyone ignore that cite now? What did I miss?😭😭

Oof, man, ffnet is what i grew up on, it’s what i read fic on back in my early days of fandom when I first started reading fic (luckily, i never had a wattpad phase lol), but I rarely hear anyone talk about it anymore either. Ffnet may finally be dying out, and honestly I am way okay with that fact (as long as there’s not another purge of all the fanworks). Let it become part of fandom history.

ffnet’s site is ugly and clunky and obnoxious to use, from my memory (though I haven’t touched it in years so maybe they’ve actually finally improved it, though i doubt it). There are obnoxious ads everywhere that are impossible to escape. The tagging system is laughably abysmal, and honestly, it’s not a fun site to use.

Not to mention the purges. Ffnet is not your friendly fandom space. I think the purges mostly entailed NS//FW fics, but I’d have to read back up on it to remember, I haven’t reminded myself of the situation in a while. And even between the huge purges (which I think there have only been two, but that’s still unacceptable), there are still works being reported or taken down every day, and even accounts suspended. I’m not sure if it’s ONLY ns//fw works, or if there are other criteria to getting your work removed, but there’s a lot of rules on ffnet that could lead to you getting your account banned pretty easily.

I’m pretty sure most fansites have had a purge of some sort, at least fanwork sites for sure, for some reason or another. Likely because of dark content or ns//fw content, or other things along that vein.

Archive of our own, however, has not had a purge once. Granted, it’s only been like 8-9 years, but the entire point of ao3 is that there will ideally NEVER be a purge. It’s called an archive for a reason. Ao3 is run by the Organization for Transformative Works (OTW), and the OTW is huge in advocacy, both socially and legally, for fanworks and things of the sort. 

Because ao3 is noncommercial and nonprofit, it relies entirely off of donations from it’s users, much like sites like wikipedia, which helps further shelter it under the OTW’s advocacy so they don’t have to bow to the whims of the corporate entities running the site. This also means no ugly obnoxious ads plaguing your reading experience like on ffnet lol.

Back to the OTW’s advocacy on the legal and social fronts, there have also been horrible fanwork purges because of the creators of the source material. The one that immediately comes to mind is Anne Rice or whoever that evil chick was, and I’m not even gonna get into that one rn lol. 

But the OTW was created “to work toward a future in which all fannish works are recognized as legal and transformative, and accepted as legitimate creative activity” (a quote directly off their FAQ). Their goal is to protect all fanworks, no matter if they’re ns//fw, or if they’re a “problematic” ship, or if they fit into the “dead dove: do not eat” category, or any other myriad of things.

Ao3 and the OTW are run by fans, for fans, and they aim to protect us and our fanworks, no matter what they look like. Sites like ffnet are just there to profit off you and the absolute last thing they aim to do is protect you and your creative liberties. I fell safe on ao3, and I feel comfortable on ao3. I never felt that way with ffnet.

Ffnet doesn’t care about you. Ao3 is there to fight for you. 

Also, archive of our own is still in beta. Imagine all the things it can bring us, the way’s it’ll change fandom, when it’s fully up and running someday

I could literally go on and write an entire book about this, but I’ll spare you all for now lol. Just know that I am EXTREMELY passionate about ao3 and what it does for fandom communities, and I will defend ao3 and the OTW until my dying breath lol. Here’s some links for you, too:

OTW FAQ

OTW’s “What We Believe”

Ao3′s “About Us”

Ao3′s FAQ

Also, the archive is not a social media site, it is an archive, if everyone could please stop making “looking for a fic” posts or “come join my discord” posts, that would be great, lol. Save those posts for tumblr or twitter or something lol

[reallybadfeeling]

FF Reclist del 2020

Sono tornata a postare su questo blog al solo fine di lasciare questa lista a caso di ff che ho letto nel 2020 e mi son rimaste impresse? La risposta è sì. E Buon Natale a tutti, eh! 

Star Wars [Trilogia Sequel]  (let’s be honest, son quasi tutte Reylo)

The Trail Bride Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17454824/chapters/41100980 Questa Western AU è una di quelle fic che anche se ho letto a gennaio ci ripenso e *chef kiss*. Avete presente quel slow burn dove prima arriva il smut, poi l’angst e infine il momento di falling in love? Ecco, 160k di sabbia negli stivali che apprezzi sul serio.

Tie Your Heart to Mine Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16143359/chapters/37718534 Potrei dire “chissene del p0rn” per questa storia perché GUYS, LA TRAMA IN QUESTA FF È PURE GOLD! Non solo c’è Rey che si spaccia per una dei Knights of Ren, ma i Knights of Ren in questa ff sono tante cose. Che poi aggiungiamo al mix jealous Kylo e… CIAONE! Mi son riletta i 147k+ di questa ff due volte quest’anno.

They Don’t Have A Word For What We Are Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17867792/chapters/42167327 Dicevo sopra dello slow burn? Ecco, FORGET ABOUT THAT. Questa è smut con contorno di trama. Sono 183k di Rey e Ben che fanno zozzerie? YEP. Ma se lo smut trascina la trama e far trasformare Kylo in Ben… WIN WIN AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED!

The Termination Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20834045/chapters/49526072 Okay, NON consiglio questa storia ha chi ha problemi a leggere di gravidanze e aborti. Che fa sembrare questa ff molto più edgy di quel che è in realtà. Però è la ff con cui son stata introdotta alle Nightsisters prima ancora di sapere cosa fossero, AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM! Che posso farci, ho un debole per i villain! E questi 62k in un paio di giorni si leggono NO PROB.

The DILF of Disneyland Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21535246/chapters/51335782 A dimostrazione del fatto che NON leggo solo long, questa cosina da 13k! Perché ci vuole anche un po’ di crack nella vita e questo è mild crack di quelli di qualità honestly

Gross Breylo (series) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1246199 Avete mai avuto quella sensazione di “can I have more Ben? More Kylo”? Ecco, questa serie è quel guilty pleasure perché ci sono Ben, Kylo e Matt. In un sandwich di tutti i più comuni kink (e pure alcuni un po’ meno) con Rey nel mezzo (e a volte pure senza di lei cause why not?). Sooo conta come incesto o self-incest? Who know? Who cares?

Savage Beauty Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20921171/chapters/49735226 Lo ammetto, nonostante siano solo 77k, questa ci ho messo più del dovuto a leggerla. Plot heavy soprattutto verso la seconda metà, ma come detto ho un soft spot per i villain. Rey che per Kylo passa al Dark Side. Non vi rovino il finale, ma assolutamente vale la pena di buttarci energie (anche se rallenta dopo un inizio più accattivante).

The Wedding Necklace Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22513729/chapters/53796988 In generale non solo una fan dei rewrite o delle fix-it che seguono la trama di TROS. Ma questa storia ha un pretesto di trama così scemo e prometteva il tipo di happy ending che piacciono a me (quelli in cui la Reylo figlia)... 40k di fluff e silly crack spacciato per cose serie.

Pillow Talk Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20405317/chapters/48401371 Non sono una grande fan del tag “space virgins”. Anzi, non ho mancato di dire più volte quanto spesso mi irriti. Ma questi 93k di Rey e Ben in denial mentre son costretti a condividere il letto più sì che no? Awkwardness senza esser cringe. Che è sempre un requisito per quanto mi riguarda.

Supreme Leader & Last Jedi: Caught in the Act!!! CLICK HERE Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21798247/chapters/52015984 Ogni tanto ci vuole anche del porn for the sake of porn giusto? Ecco, questi 11k sono esattamente quello. Con un pizzico di crack che, you guys, dovreste aver capito che ho un soft spot per le scemate, no?

H.O.A.cus Pocus Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26955406/chapters/65788996 Una modern!AU di con Ben vicino rompipalle per motivi del tutto idioti? Enemies to lovers vecchio stile? 21k di kinda crack but also not? Eh… Sentite, ero in vena di qualcosa di meno plot heavy sotto halloween. E questa mi ha decisamente messo un bel sorriso in faccia.

Star Wars Rebels

(let’s be honest, son tutte Kalluzeb)

A Safe Haven Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25758262/chapters/62554666 Honestly, non mi aspettavo di divorarmi 146k di Kallus che si abitua alla vita da ribelle. But guess what? That’s what I did. C’è anche un seguito scritto giusto qualche giorno fa, ma è una roba breve. Anyway, sta ff mi ha uccisa di brutto, facendomi amare un botto di personaggi secondari. Scritta bene you guys. Vedetevi Rebels solo per shippare Kalluzeb e leggervi questa.

Come in from the Cold Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24562042/chapters/59820526 Welp, diciamo che dopo aver letto la ff precedente ed esser tornata al tag, mi son accorta che questa autrice aveva prodotto altra robina. E son inciampata in questa AU con Kallus che viene salvato dai ribelli. E poi c’è tutto un arco in cui Kallus cerca di redimersi che *chef kiss*. Ci sarebbe pure un seguito, ma mi puzzava di angst di quelli pesi ma pesi di brutti, e mi pareva di capire dai tag che ci sarebbe stato some kind of time travel fuckery. Quindi mi son accontentata di questa.

Dream Walking Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23857447/chapters/57341344 62k di due patate che più enemies to lovers di così si muore. Also, soulmates!Au… I mean, come puoi dire no? Con loro sto trope è proprio la morte sua. (ed è la stessa autrice delle due fic precedenti. Quindi you guys, assicuro che è scritta bene. The feels are strong.)

Purple heartstrings Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27454297/chapters/67118188 Ho detto che la soulmates!Au con loro è una trope che adoro? Ah ecco… Beh, questa mi è quasi dispiaciuto fossero solo 16k. Perché seriously, Kallus è ancora più patata. E adoro la famiglia Kallus che ci ha buttato come original character l’autrice. Son tutte patata e I WANT MORE! 

When You Pry it From My Cold, Dead Chest Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16373723/chapters/38320103 Okay, lo ammetto, ero entrata in un loop chiusissimo di soulmates!AU con la Kalluzeb. Ma son letteralmente una meglio dell’altra e tutte con il loro twist. Questa ad esempio sono 43k di feels distrutti di brutto perché l’enemies to lovers in questa ff è SO STRONG! Like, passatemi sopra con l’asfaltatrice e poi rompete tutte per trovarmi sotto ancora morente causa feels. 

Star Wars [trilogia prequel] (let’s be honest… Ah no, a sto giro ci son 2 ship! *surprised pikachu meme*)

Well It Goes Like This Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23977453/chapters/57673405 Avevo bisogno di good parent Anakin you guys. Non mi aspettavo però di trovare 62k di Anakin good parent di un gruppo di younglings invece che di Luke e Leia. But guess what? Mi ha scaldato il cuore lo stesso. Perché ALL OF THE FUCKING FEELS! Questa è una di quelle storie che finiscono apertissime e per cui vorresti da morire un seguito perchè JUST TOO SWEET! (E per chi ha visto Clone Wars e Rebels ci son anche cose che fan fangirlare di brutto. E ciaone.)

i grew up here till it all went up in flames Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23473327/chapters/56276515 I mean, di questa ff potrei pure dire soltanto 30k di Anakin che si fida di Obi-Wan e Padmé invece di farsi fregare da Palpatine. Also, baby!Leia e baby!Luke adorable as fuck, domestic fluff che please yes, Anakin vestito superfashionable and rocking it. Che altro devo dirvi you guys?

Master Mine Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22209502/chapters/53027014 De-aged Obi-Wan diventa il padawan di Anakin. E ovviamente Obi-Wan ha una huge crush immediata. CAUSE, YOU KNOW… Pensieri inappropriati, that’s a thing teeneagers have! No, sul serio, questa ff è proprio sul confine dell’under-age e delle dynamics fottute a bestia… Ma young Obi-Wan è just too sweet! (Also, sta ff conferma che per quando è affiancato a Padmé il fluff e l’angst la fanno da padroni. Se però è Obi-Wan il love interest… NOPE, FUCK THIS SHIT, GIVE ME THE INAPPROPRIATE PORN! XD C’ho problemi).

With a Warm and Tender Hand Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6054904/chapters/13881241 Vi sto per caso consigliando 38k di puro angst e porn? YES. Yes, that is what I am doing. Niente, cosa posso dire a mia discolpa? Che ho un soft spot per questi due che dopo essersi girati attorno per anni ammettono finalmente che si amano in modo completamente fottuto per poi fottere come ricci per rendersi conto suddetti sentimenti incasinati in realtà son racchiusi in una ammissione di demolezza e amore? … … … HO PROBLEMI. Ma la ff è super sweet in the most sexy way.

The Witcher (let’s be honest, son tutte Geraskier)

An All-Consuming Creature Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23408935/chapters/56101345 Questa è quella long infinita (163k) con una botta di angst, perlopiù Jaskier centric, in cui non solo c’è una trama al bacio, ma Geralt canta e l’autrice della ff ha scritto e composto musica! E è linkata you guys! Questa ff ha davvero tutto! Ho già detto Geralt che canta? Ecco, perché non importa che a un certo punto iniziate a chiedervi “WHY AM I EVEN READING THIS?!” La risposta è GERALT CHE CANTA PER JASKIER! (Ma poi l’angst potente e il modo in cui finisce *chef kiss*)

You Can’t Be My Sugar Daddy, We Don’t Even Have Sugar Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23075560/chapters/55199137 Il vero titolo di questa storia dovrebbe essere “Cause Geralt deserves nice things!”. Honestly, questi 50k non vi renderete neppure conto di averli letti. Si naviga nel fluff, nel crack e soprattutto nei feels!

The Smell of Heartbreak Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22776946/chapters/54427231 Niente, passiamo all’estremo opposto con questa ff. Se avete voglia di TANTO angst, fatevi un po’ una nuotata in questi 60k di Geralt e Jaskier che cercano di riparare la loro relazione. Il tutto con un contorno di maledizione random perché WHY NOT?!

If We Must Starve (Let it be Together) (series) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706485 Di solito non consiglio cose in corso. Mainly perché leggo solo complete. Ma questa ne vale la pena tantissimo. Al momento è appena sotto i 90k, e gli aggiornamenti della fic ancora in corso son sporadici. Ma se volete la cosa di “Geralt deserves nice things” pompata e ampliata a tutti i Witcher, THIS IS THE SHIT FOR YOU!

The Courting Season Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23708941/chapters/56928121 47k di fluff con Geralt che cerca di esser romantico e quello che è totalmente oblivious è Jaskier? YAS PLEASE! Seriously, sweet as fuck fluff con un pizzico di feels che è semplicemente *chef kiss*

To Understand Love Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24128269/chapters/58090600 Che posso dire? I’m a sucker for God!Jaskier. Questa è solo una delle ff in lista con quel tag, ma giuro, questi 53k valgono la pena. Tanto angst e BAMF Jaskier e personaggi originali che li adori a prescindere!

I’ll Be Your Voice Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25129009/chapters/60884227 Non so se son l’unica, ma… Geralt e Jaskier che crescono Cirilla? I like that. Ora, aggiungeteci anche bambino salvato a caso da Geralt! ESATTO! Una botta di fluff e angst e… I CAN’T EVEN! 36k che ho divorato in 2 giorni nonostante fossi occupata con lavoro quando l’ho trovata! (Ma c’è pure Jaskier che non è propriamente umano… RAGA, COMBO DI TAG per quanto mi riguarda!)

Detroit: Become Human (let’s be honest, son tutte 900Reed)

One does not simply say “I love you” (series) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051340 Ho un debole per le patate sceme? YUP. Quindi cosa vi aspettate?! Dovevo consigliare almeno una 900Reed. Non ne ho lette tantissime quest’anno, ma questi 60k totali son fluff e p0rn che val la pena.

/all the gun fights/ and the limelights/ [and the holy sick divine nights] Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19822831/chapters/46936537 Un titolo infinito per 85k di reverse!AU in cui alla fine fine ste due patate restano broken AF. Consiglio se volete trama e tanto angst e traumi di quelli pesi e… Ho menzionato due patate che si innamorano? Ah no?

chaos looks good on you Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24575989/chapters/59354422 Penso sia chiaro che ho un soft spot per le enemies to lovers. Questa è una di quelle super sweet. In particolar modo per colpa di RK900 che cerca di creare rapporti umani quando è convinto che tutti funzionino solo in pattern prevedibili e l’unico punto di chaos sia Gavin.

Despite It All Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26151949/chapters/63628915 Tecnicamente uno “spin-off” di una HankCon, questa soulmates!AU mi ha spezzata tantissimo causa angst e cretini in denial. Poi tra Gavin che è un pozzo di issues e 900 che è una patata supersoft… yeah, decisamente 50k di ALL OF THE ANGST!

Teen Wolf (let’s be honest, son tutte Sterek)

spiderweb of lies Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17212451/chapters/40474175 Ho un soft spot per i pg grumpy dal passato tragico che hanno cose belle nella loro vita. E mi mancava il fandom di Teen Wolf e son inciampata in questi 54k di Stiles che finalmente si accorge di quanto tossico sia Scott e rimette le cose a posto. Non è la best ff ever, honestly, ma c’è badass!Stiles. E non so dir di no a badass!Stiles (Ha pure dei seguiti, ma honestly dopo aver letto il primo I got tired of it all.)

What Goes Around Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13560651/chapters/31118688 Ecco, badass!Stiles è uno stile di vita se non era già chiaro. Questa ff porta la cosa all’estremo e lo trasforma in un cold blooded assassin. And I STAN THIS. In particolare perché c’è un Peter scritto benissimo in sta ff e… FIGHT ME, OKAY?! Ma poi tratta la moralità dei grey heroes tipo The Punisher… Yeah, 71k che non posso che consigliare (anche se l’inizio sembra slow)

I’d Do Anything (for you) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20821298/chapters/49494104 Sempre sulla falsariga del badass!Stiles e dell’uccidere gente “for the greater good”, questa roba di 46k ha direttamente Stiles che parla con il nemeton. Ed è kinda un necromante but also not. Sta ff è in generale una delle Sterek migliori che ho letto negli ultimi anni. Principalmente perché ha un botto di tag che adoro. Quindi magari son di parte.

Critical Role (let’s be honest, son tutte WidowFjord)

now my charms are all o’verthrown Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23364643/chapters/60220915 Questa storia è l’unica long di Critical Role che ho trovato e ho letto fino alla fine. Quindi OF COURSE è finita con un cliffhanger. DANG IT! Sto ancora aspettando che sia finito il seguito perchè WORTH IT! 85k di pirate!AU? YAS PLEASE! Are you fucking kidding me?!

Definitely not a romantic sub-plot (series) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1339861 Tecnicamente questi 21k son una rilettura di qualcosa che ho beccato l’anno scorso. Ma che io l’abbia riletta dovrebbe dirvi che è adorabile. E per chi mi conosce sa che non sono una fan del RPF, ma qui honestly Liam e Travis non sono davvero una romance, son più due scemi che fan gli scemi come il resto del gruppo. E ADORO l’alternarsi tra l’RPF e il gruppo che è in-game e fa cose ADORABLE AS FUCK!

[azwriting]

Noise (Forget Me Not, Kylo Ren x Reader) - Chapter Nine

Here’s chapter nine, kind of shorter chapter but I am planning for much longer chapter’s coming up! Also did I hint at StormPilot, yes I did. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

Summary: Leia tells Poe the truth about (Y/N), while (Y/N) finds comfort in Kylo.

Warning(s): Brief mentions of death

Word Count: 2757

(Y/N) stirred in her bed, sweat dripping down her forehead and making the fabric of her attire cling to her skin. She could not breathe, soft gasps sounding from her lips as she struggled. The chaos inside would not die down even in sleep. It was a constant battle for dominance, two people fighting, clawing to reach the surface. A whimper escaped in between her sharp inhales as the uproar continued to grow inside. She could not handle it anymore, she needed quiet. (Y/N) recalled the early morning moment when his arms had wrapped around her, the relief it had provided her. Chasing that high, that burning need, she left her room in search of her salvation. 

She barely registered it was dark outside again or how cold she was in her simple black nightgown, a major change from the black sweater and pants she fell asleep in. Her brain hammered against her skull as she stared at the closed white door ahead. All voice of reason left her when she swallowed the lump in her throat stepping forward. Her movement caused the motion sensors to awaken and open the door. The noise urged (Y/N) forward, tiptoeing in and stopping at the foot of the bed.

Before her, laid a dark sleeping figure, their mouth open ajar with soft spurts of air, barely audible, emitting from their lips. (Y/N) bit her lip anxiously, her mind already quieting down just by the proximity of him. She stood still for a few minutes, hesitation gluing her in place. He looked just as he had when they were children and she would sneak into his room. So much had changed though.

Suddenly the figure opened their eyes and lifted their head off the silky dark purple pillow. “(Y/N)?” His raspy voice sliced through the quiet night, an elbow propping him up. (Y/N) finally felt unfrozen and she trembled stepping forward. 

“Ben.” She whispered, climbing onto the other side of the bed. His dark eyebrows furrowed together in confusion from her actions, but he remained silent. (Y/N) slid closer to him, weaving her arms around his bare torso. He tensed at the feeling, watching her lay her head down onto his chest. Slowly he laid back down, his black curls flopping against the silk. (Y/N) let out a sigh of relief, the pain was gone, he was the remedy. “You make the noise go away.” She mumbled, his presence and warmth lulling her back to sleep.

Poe was growing agitated. All his leads were going cold and his sources could not locate the Supreme Leader. All his informants could only report that Kylo Ren was not on any First Order base or ship and neither was his prisoner. It was like the man knew to run, to hide, and Poe had a sneaking suspicion on who tipped him off. To top it off, the General kept avoiding him. After her recent disclosure, Poe was left with only more concern. (Y/N) was his best friend, besides for BB-8 or Finn, although Finn was something else entirely. He could not plan a top secret rescue mission if he did not know the location. He was becoming desperate and desperate times called for desperate measures.

It was late on the Resistance Base, most of the crew now retiring for the evening. Poe sat at the small table, foot tapping impatiently as he waited. He liked to think of himself as a man of reason, but he needed answers. So his approach had to change a little. The door to the living quarters flew open revealing just the woman he wanted to see. “Dameron.” The General spoke calmly despite the unexpected visitor in her chambers.

 “Leia.” The woman sighed as she stepped inside eyeing the young man. “You’ve been avoiding me and I think it’s time for a little chat.” Poe nodded his head towards the chair across the table from him. She nodded obviously displeased, but moved to sit down. 

“What do you want to discuss?” The General questioned, but she knew already. Poe knew she did. 

“Oh you know, the little matter of (Y/N) and your son.” Leia exhaled sharply rubbing at her forehead. “And I want everything.” 

The General lifted her eyes to him, “The truth is hard.” Poe went to protest, to convey that fact that he did not care, but he quickly shut his mouth. He watched the pained expression on her face, realizing the truth was not hard for him, it was painful for her. He remained silent as he waited, waiting for answers.

 “I knew (Y/N)’s biological parents, they were advisors to the New Republic on Chandrila.” Poe stayed quiet, wishing for her to continue, internally processing the fact that the General had truly known (Y/N) prior to her memory loss. Up until that moment, a part of him was still in denial. “When she was four, there was a horrible fire both of them perishing. I took (Y/N) in as my own until her and Ben left to train with Luke.” Poe’s eyes bugged in shock.

 “Wait (Y/N)’s -” Leia only nodded and silenced him. “Do you want me to continue or not?” 

Poe murmured incoherently under his breath, gesturing for her to go on. “There as padawans, descendants of two great former Jedi’s, their friendship transitioned into something more. I only witnessed it a few times, but it was beautiful.” Leia discreetly tried to clear her throat. He could see the shift in her, the difficult memories resurfacing with each word. “But it wasn’t enough, Snoke still seduced him. I-I didn’t know what to think, what to believe, I thought my son killed her that night. I mourned not one child but two. Chandrila and the galaxy was led to believe Ben died that night, only a select few originally knowing the truth.” Leia shook her head in annoyance, her eyes glassy. “(Y/N)’s body was never retrieved for obvious reasons, so we used a hologram for her as well.”

Leia fell silent allowing Poe to digest the information. (Y/N) was a Force user, who was raised by the Organa-Solo family, trained by the legendary Luke Skywalker, and in love with the grandson of Darth Vader… It was a lot to absorb. “When I found (Y/N) a year later on Hosnian begging to join the Resistance, something calling her to it, she had no memory of anything. I couldn’t bear to tell her. I couldn’t give her the pain of it all, so I kept silent to protect her.” Poe exhaled deeply running a hand through his messy curls.

 “It seems you really care for her Leia, but how could you let her stay with Ren? Why would you give him a heads up? Don’t even try to deny it, I know you did.” Poe stood from his seat, growing frustrated. 

The General only looked up to him with a challenging expression. “Yes Poe, why would I let the one thing my son truly loves, the person he thought was dead all these years stay with him? If there’s a chance he could change, put an end to this war, then it’s (Y/N)! She’s the key!” Shaking his head dismissively, Poe moved towards the door hearing more than enough. The door shot open and Poe stepped out, a question eating away at his mind. He roughly grabbed ahold of the door frame turning back to face the General. 

“You would sacrifice her to end this?” Leia shakingly stood from the table facing the Wing Commander.

 “She’s in no danger. They’re safe somewhere far from the First Order, but this is the endgame Dameron. Sometimes you have to forfeit the Queen to win.”

 Poe shook his head in defiance, “I will find her with or without your help.”

Warm sunlight infiltrated the large bedroom waking (Y/N). A soft moan slipped from her chapped lips as she stretched out, a satisfying pop coming from her hips. Her left hand sprawled out, patting the empty space next to her. (Y/N)’s eyes fluttered open at that, finding no sign of anyone in the room. She pushed the silk sheet off of her and got out of bed, her bare feet cold against the floor. Rubbing her eyes, (Y/N) caught sight of the dresser filled with picture frames face down. Curiously she shuffled over, peering over her shoulder to confirm she truly was alone before picking up one. The frame was a sleek black and it stood apart from the others, less dust collecting on top of it. She could even make out large fingerprints from where it had been picked up countless times. She knew the hologram, of course she did, she had placed it here after all.

Ben had just returned from his private lesson with Master Luke, when he saw the young Padawan wading in the lake near their future home. "What are you doing?" Ben shouted over to her. 

"What does it look like?" (Y/N) giggled swimming over to the edge. Ben met her at the edge looking down at the radiant girl. She was practically glowing with the sun glistening off the beads of water that were scattered across her smooth skin. "How was your training?" she smiled tilting her head up to see his grimacing face. 

"It was good. Master Luke was insightful as always." (Y/N) could see the worry behind his eyes, knowing there was more to the story, but she knew when he was ready he would talk... 

"Come here" she hummed pushing herself up on the edge. Ben leaned in mindlessly, feeling her breath fan over his face. With her right hand still dripping, she moved Ben's dark hair out of his face placing her hand there instead. Ben sighed in content leaning into her hand more and more until a huge splash was heard. 

Wiping water out of her eyes, (Y/N) looked to her side seeing a wet Ben with dripping hair covering his face. (Y/N) laughed swimming over to the sulking boy. She pushed the hair out of his face, only to reveal Ben's plump bottom lip jutted out. (Y/N) giggled pressing a quick wet kiss to his pout. "Did someone fall in?" She smirked watching the corners of Ben's mouth twitch up. 

"No..." He mumbled deepening his frown, "You pulled me in!" 

She gasped, "I did no such thing!" Ben grabbed ahold of her torso and pulled her into him. She wiggled trying to escape his tight grasp but she was laughing too hard. Ben smiled at her, breaking his facade. He leaned in pressing his cold lips to hers. Every doubt, every concern, every temptation, washed away at the feeling of his love in his embrace. 

They broke apart and Ben could not wipe the look of amazement off his face, “I love you my wife.” (Y/N) only smiled wider. 

“I love you more.”

(Y/N)’s eyes focused back on the hologram before her. It was a small snippet of a wet Ben kissing her equally wet cheek. She could feel the happiness radiating out of the hologram. She could feel the sweltering love her younger self had felt at the exact moment. The hologram also capturing a rare sighting of their wedding rings hanging from their necks. They had been young and naive and now she was married to the Supreme Leader… Would she ever be able to accept that?

(Y/N) yawned as she trudged out of the door and into the hallway. The smell of something sweet flooded her nose and it carried her swiftly to the main area. Streams of sunlight greeted her, warming her to the bone. (Y/N) smiled softly stretching her arms above her head, closing her eyes as she hummed in content. A clatter pulled her attention to kitchen. The man stood there, cheeks tinted red as he watched her. “Ben?” The name slipped out without so much as a second thought. “Oh! I’m sorry, Kylo.” She corrected herself as Kylo offered her a shy smile before turning his attention back to the counter. 

“Good Morning.” His deep voice echoed through the house, goosebumps erupting up her arms. 

“Morning.” (Y/N) mumbled, anxiety gnawing away at her. She knew Kylo could sense her uneasy state, but did not address it. “Are you making breakfast?” She questioned sitting down at the small white table. Kylo only nodded making another clattering sound.

 (Y/N) stared at the man in front of her, feeling flustered and embarrassed. “I’m sorry about last night,” She chirped up, “I’m not sure what came over me.” She voiced her apology, chewing on the inside of her cheek. 

“Well from what you said about the noise going away as you climbed into bed with me, I’m not.” Another noise sounded from behind Kylo, before he turned to face her once again. “Well I’m still sorry. I overstepped a clear boundary… a line.” He sighed striding over to her seat and crouching down. His hand slowly drifted up to caress her cheek and jaw. 

“Glad to know this habit hasn’t gone away.” A small sarcastic smirk worked its way onto his face. How did he know?

(Y/N)’s internal questioning was cut short by the narrowing of his eyes, a telling notion. Of course he knew her bad habits. “(Y/N)” Kylo stood back up, his hand leaving her skin burning, awaiting their next contact. “It’s impossible to overstep a line that does not exist.” He turned back to whatever sweet food he was preparing. The fire burning in her cheek seemed to spread at his words. She decided to remain silent until the color disappeared from her face. 

(Y/N) knew she should not feel this way, this was the enemy, but it was also the boy she had loved since the moment she laid eyes on. This was her husband, the man the Force had brought her to, the man the stars had destined for her. The person she risked her chance of becoming a Jedi to be with. (Y/N) was still processing the whole ancestor of Qui-Gon Jinn and powerful Force user thing… This was the son of Leia Organa, the woman who swore there was still good left in him. (Y/N) could feel it, the light and darkness fighting within him. A constant shift in the scales. Perhaps he had been seduced by Snoke which meant he could change, that he could come back to her. Is that what she wanted? (Y/N) knew she needed to accept who she once was before she could concern herself with what the two of them were meant to be. There was a high probability that Kylo did not want to further anything anyways, it had been eleven years after all.

A plate was set down in front of (Y/N), derailing her deep thoughts momentarily. She examined the food before her, a wave of joy washing over her. “Are these…” (Y/N) trailed off, watching Kylo nod, taking his seat across from her. “You remembered.” She smiled picking up her fork to dig in. She took a small bite, moaning a little from the sweet flavor flooding her taste buds. (Y/N) looked up to express her gratitude to Kylo, only to see he had not moved a muscle instead watching her with a pained expression.

 “What’s wrong?” She pondered, eyebrows furrowing. 

“Of course I remembered that strawberry strudel was your favorite. (Y/N) I remember everything about you. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you. I thought you were dead, assumed you hated me and that was why I never saw your ghost. And now I hear you thinking that I would possibly not want you anymore. I-I…” His words stumbled over each other as his emotions poured out of his mouth. (Y/N)'s hand reached across the table grasping his tightly. This was all so wrong but she could not fight the (Y/N) (Y/L/N) inside. 

She offered him a small smile, “I’m sorry that’s not how I meant it.” Kylo nodded stiffly, keeping his eyes down on the table. 

Their hands stayed intertwined as she continued. “I’m not sure what I want or where I’m supposed to go from here, but I would like your help. Despite everything, you’re the only one that can. Like you once said ‘you and I were written in the stars.’” Kylo’s tear filled eyes raised to look at her, hope brimming inside them as well. 

“Of course I’ll help you,” He squeezed her hand, “I’ll always help you.” Perhaps they could save each other.

Taglist:

@benpeggycartersolo​

@2heures​

@thephantomwriter​

@thefandomzoneisdangerous​

@carol-chann​

@gambitsqueen​

@pancakefancake​

[aurorawest]

ten faves

Rules: name ten favorite characters from ten different things (tv, movies, books, etc.).

Thank you for the tag @thegirlwholied!

Loki (Thor, The Avengers, general MCU)

I mean...obviously, right? He’s got it all. A sympathetic villain with a tragic backstory, a snarky, sarcastic sense of humor, The Smart One, but also, complete and utter trash fire, emotional wreck; just wants to be loved. His redemption arc hits me right in the feels and I’m here for the disaster of a relationship that he has with his big brother. His angst and dramatics make him an utter joy to watch and write about. V pretty, too; makes me wonder if I am in fact just a little bisexual. 

King Candy (Wreck-It Ralph)

YMMV but another villain with a sympathetic backstory. The way he turns on a dime from goofy and fun to kind of straight-up murderous is great. Another one where there’s a rich trove of angst and pain to explore in fic. Alan Tudyk’s spot-on Ed Wynn imitation made me fall in love with this guy before three words had left his mouth the first time I saw Wreck-It Ralph.

Stephen Strange (Doctor Strange, general MCU, yes I’m cheating because this is 2 MCU characters)

Okay, so my soft spot for Strange admittedly came about because I ship him with Loki, but I’ve come to love him in his own right. He’s a smartass and a jerk—plus magic! How can I not like a guy who has all the terrible qualities I love in a character, but who dies over and over and over again to save humanity? And in a weird twist, I vastly prefer Benedict Cumberbatch’s American accent to his actual English accent.

George Weasley (Harry Potter)

Though I came to be a huge Snape fan later, my first loves in Harry Potter were the Weasley twins. And George is the one I keep coming back to. Who doesn’t love the Weasley twins, right? But I appreciate kinder, gentler George, and imagining his life after Fred’s death has resulted in thousands and thousands of words of fanfiction.

Weyoun (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

We stan one Vorta clone who presided over a genocide, got his neck snapped by Worf, eats pizza with chopsticks, and had to put up with both Dukat and Damar. Another villain for the list here. Weyoun (and the Vorta in general) are fascinating and it’s a crime that we never got to learn that much about them. The DS9 writers seemed to think we all wanted to know more about the Jem’Hadar, but I just wanted more of these weird, purple-eyed gremlins. Weyoun trying to appreciate art despite his lack of aesthetics? A+ moment from a guest star in a series that was full of them (both A+ moments and guest stars).

Megavolt (Darkwing Duck)

Ah Megavolt, the character that I’ve loved since 1991. He’s crazy! He’s definitely committed murder (he’s been sent to the electric chair multiple times)! And yet there’s something kind of sad about Megavolt; high school bullies turned into who he is, his memory problems are...a hindrance. He’s not all bad either—he has a friend group and sometimes he even works with Darkwing Duck.

Vinny Santorini (Atlantis: The Lost Empire)

(with bonus Audrey Ramirez, because I’m not going to lie to you, it was hard to choose between the two of them)

Vinny is the snarkiest on this team of looters and he blows stuff up, so how can I not love him? Atlantis does its best to give us character development for its ensemble cast but it can only give us the broad strokes (its runtime is only 96 minutes. 96 minutes!), but it’s hard not to see Vinny as someone who uses sarcasm and humor to cover up a pretty big heart. In a way, a character with a minor redemptive arc, since the team betrays Milo.

Benjamin Linus (Lost)

The first thing you need to know about Ben is that he spent the majority of Lost looking beat up, which is a really attractive quality in a character. Ben is another one of those villains with a sympathetic past and a redemption arc—though unlike many of the villains I love, he actually survived! So he’s an exception to redemption=death. I loved Ben, I think, from the moment he hypothetically detailed how, if he were an evil Other, he would have tricked Sayid, Ana Lucia, and Charlie and lured them to their deaths, and then looked up at Locke and asked with that dead-eyed stare over his cereal, “Got any milk?” He was the one character who continued to get interesting on Lost as the rest of the show was falling apart.

Telemain (The Enchanted Forest Chronicles)

So I couldn’t find a photo of the back cover of Calling on Dragons, which actually features an illustration of Telemain, so you’ll all have to trust me that he’s My Type. His description from the Enchanted Forest Chronicles wiki: 

Blue eyes, dark hair, and neatly trimmed beard and mustache

Plus he wears knee-high black boots and a giant, useless belt with a bunch of stuff hanging off it? Might I point you to another wizard on my favorite characters list. Telemain is a know-it-all wizard who doesn’t understand how to talk to others like a normal person. He’s very smart, fiercely solitary, and very snarky. Hm.

Éowyn (The Lord of the Rings)

How can you not love her? The absolute shit this woman has been through. Her parents are dead. Her brother is banished. Her cousin is killed. And her uncle looks like a ghoul and is going crazier by the day, all while she’s got freaking Grima Wormtongue undressing her with his eyes at every opportunity. I love Éowyn because she’s basically in the process of having a constant meltdown but dammit, she’s going to keep it together because what else can she do? And I mean, obviously, “I am no man.”

I’ll tag...ummm @iamanartichoke, @mareebird​, and @thelightofthingshopedfor​ but no pressure! And anyone else who wants to do this definitely should! Consider yourself tagged, I’m always interested to know what characters other people like!

[meteor752]

So...I just watched The Rise of Skywalker

And it was...a movie

Now, if you don’t want it spoiled, then don’t click keep reading, because I will immediately start after that.

Got it?

Good

Now that that’s out of the way

THERE IS A CANON LESBIAN COUPLE IN STAR WARS AND THEY SHARED A KISS, I AM DEAD

Sorry I just had to get that out of my system

I am not a movie critic, and for the most part I just enjoy a movie unless it bores me. But I have been saying that I will do this review, and I will, so I will just go over important part by important part.

Good?

Good.

The first scene

This is, hands down, my favorite scene in the movie. The way they introduced Palpatine and that we never really see his face in the scene is really menacing, but still oddly hilarious.

I mean, the man is hanging there quoting himself. He later literally said do it!! I’m surprised he didn’t start to tell the story of Darth plagueise the wise.

Plus, the fact that Kylo doesn’t want to join Palpatine and become his apprentice, but just kill him, is really cool to me. It shows a little different side of his character, that he wants to be his own and not just the next Vader.

Also, after Palpatine saying “I created Snoke”, there’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment of a deformed looking Snoke in a cubicle, so that’s that character's backstory. He was a failed clone all along!

Poe, Finn, Chewie & the Spy

The start of this scene is just pure fluff between our dear space husbands and their mom’s, husband's dog.

The revelation of the spy was cool, but I kinda immediately guessed that it would be either Hux or Phasma.

I really liked the chase scene, plus the banter between the characters. Character interaction is a thing I love in franchises, and this movie does a good job with it

Master Leia

I LIVE FOR LEIA TRAINING REY TO BE A JEDI

The Rey training scene though was...unnecessary, dunno why it was there.

Rey’s always been a kinda on-off character for me. I like her when she’s loose and chill instead of a “badass”. In this movie...I mean she has her moments, but for the most part I didn’t want her there

C-3PO, R2-D2 & BB-8

The fact that BB-9e wasn’t in this movie is a crime

I like Threepio, like most other fans, but he’s just like always been...there for me. In this movie though, holy shit did he shine!

To be quite honest, he was probably one of my favorite characters in it, just because he kept that lightheartedness in an otherwise angsty movie, with some occasional fluff.

What I really like about him is that they made this his movie! Artoo and BB-8 were barely in it, and when they were they didn’t do much, so Threepio could really shine! Literally, he’s made of gold. The latest eight movies he’s basically been bullied by every character on screen, no one really seems to like him (Poe did it in this movie, so it’s still a thing) but they gave him a lot of screentime and I like that!

I don’t like BB-8. He’s mostly there to sell toys, and I get that that’s what Star Wars is all about these days, but don’t make it obvious!! Cough, cough PORG!!!!

Artoo was underused as kriff in this movie. He did basically nothing, despite being one of the franchises most popular characters. My favorite moment in the movie however is when Wiped Threepio And Artoo reunite, and he actually sound HURT when Threepio doesn’t recognize him!! He calls him his best friend okay!?!?

Lando

!!!!

His introduction was so fricking cute! Chewie just went to hug him instantly, because that poor fluffy boy has lost enough!!

Threepio going to explain who he is, and Rey just going “We know who he is!” Is so heartwarming, like he’s a war hero! People idolize him that’s so cute!!!

Knights of Ren

Will get more into them in another section, but look really cool but really underused

Stormpilot, Jedipilot, Stormjedi & Stormjedipilot

Let’s get this over with

All three of the first ships are evident in this movie.

Rey and Poe arguing about BB-8 and The Falcon at the start of the movie...is basically all we get for Jedipilot but what’d you expect?

Poe making Finn general, their banter throughout the movie, the little very unnecessary fight they had, the reunion at the end of the movie-

THIS

Rey: So what were you going to tell me?

Finn: We’ll take it later

Poe: What, you mean when Poe’s not here?

YOU JEALOUS BRO???

Finn wanting to tell Rey something was most likely confessing some feeling for her, but then they survived and yeah, and it was fucking dropped?! Did JJ just forget about that???

Plus, I’ve never noticed this before, but Finn yells Rey’s name a lot.

The reunion hug between the three of them at the end of the movie is what kinda made me like Stormjedipilot. Poe and Rey holding their hands over Finn’s back while he buries his head into their shoulders, like yeah I like that.

Chewie’s “death”

I, to be honest, kinda wanted Chewbacca to die a little here. It would have made Kylo’s turn so much more compelling.

So it is my personal headcanon that Kylo did not know that Chewie wasn’t on that ship, and for a few minutes he actually thought that he, Uncle Chewie, had died. Because I couldn’t be the only one who saw a bit of pain on his face.

Kijimi

I first did not like Zorii, mostly because I thought she and Poe would have had a “relationship”.

Though, when Rey held a lightsaber against her throat, and she just impressively said “Not that it matters, but I like you.”

Gal, you GAAAAY

And also that twice, twice, Poe asks if they should kiss and she dismisses both tries, that I like. Good job movie, god job.

During the raid, you can hear female Stormtroopers, and I think that’s really cool. We’re in movie nine and first now does there exist female Stormtroopers that isn’t Phasma!!

Threepio’s wipe is sad and I liked it, but I feel that they made it a little too sad, considering it was afterwards mostly played as a joke and then they gave him his memories back

Hux the spy

Again, Chewie should have remained dead, but whatever.

I have no problem with Hux as the spy, I was just sitting in the theater mumbling ‘Fulcrum’ while my brother was looking at me weirdly, but what I don’t like is what they did with it.

For Hux just to be shot by some General we’ve never met before is just the equivalent of a letdown, especially since so many people like his characters. Including me, he’s one of the best parts of the Sequels!!

Rey Palpatine

Just so everyone knows, I saw this coming. I mean sure, I still liked the Qui’ra theory more, but when Palps started talking about how he knew who the girl was, then I was just like okay she’s a Palpatine.

What I don’t like is how they don’t talk at all of how this came to be. Like, I don’t even know which one of Rey’s parents who’s Palps child. Who the hell did he fuck?!?!

So yeah, whatever twist, bad execution.

Endor’s Stormtroopers

THIS SCENE IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHY I DON’T LIKE REY

They often do this in movies. Heroes have to do something, they can’t do anything at that moment so they have to wait, main Hero does it anyways.

IT’S ANNOYING AS HELL

Finn and the Ex Stormtrooper I can't remember the name of’s bonding moment was cute, but I just kept thinking to myself “Are they siblings? Because it wouldn’t be the first time this has happened,”

Finn getting mad at Poe is weird as shit and I don’t like it.

Dark Rey vs Rey

Huge letdown didn’t like it next

Rey vs Kylo, final battle

It was...fine, I guess. I like that Rey fucking stabbed him, that was cool.

Leia dying to redeem Kylo was dumb! I get that they needed to kill her off in a natural way and not just off-screen but come on!

Plus, if you would ask me, Kylo didn’t need a redemption arc. I think he should have died. As a bad guy.

Han Solo And Lightsaber Toss

Han Solo talking to Kylo was cool, though how does it work?? Was it a vision? Luke manipulations the force? Kylo only saw what he wanted to see?

That Kylo just tossed his lightsaber was symbolic and stuff, but a really stupid decision from his part. How are you gonna protect yourself now, huh? THE FORCE?!?!

Rey going into Exile

THIS SCENE WAS FUNNY AS SHIT!!

Just, Rey, thinking that every Jedi goes into exile, when they don’t feel like dealing with it anymore, and she’s fucking right!!! Yoda, Obi-Wan And Luke would be proud!!!!

Luke’s force ghost also has nearly identical hair to Anakin, which is adorable. Dunno how many that noticed that, since the people I’ve talked with about the movie didn’t, but that was literally all I could think about.

Knight Leia

When Rey picked up her lightsaber, my brother beside me was like “That’s Luke’s green one!” And I got mad because that’s not his lightsaber design at all. Know your facts bro!

That Leia was a Jedi is understandable, I mean was Luke not going to train her? But I’ve always seen her that she could use the force, but didn’t use a lightsaber because she’s badass.

I kinda also wanted her blade to be purple? I think it would have fit her much better, as she is probably the most balanced Jedi we’ve had for a while and she’s got a lot of anger that little Skywalker, but blue works fine I guess. Better than green.

Star Wars Endgame

I liked this scene, it was cool, Artoo got something to do, and Finn and Rose riding those horse thingies is an inside joke between those two at this point, convince me otherwise.

Lando And Chewie arriving though, and the First Order stating that they are “just people”, was really beautiful. Cool scene all and all.

Rey and Palpatine

Palps is still quoting himself! He fucking said “Do It” JJ knows what’s up!!

One thing that I’ve been trying to figure out since I saw the movie was what the hell was Palps’ goal? He said for Rey to strike him down (Said the same to Luke, is he suicidal??) and then he would become? Apart? Of her? What?

I’m sorry, but that doesn’t make any sense.

Kylo vs Knights of Ren

So these are Kylo’s guys, right? His inquisitors, per say.

Except these used to be Jedi, his clanmates, his friends.

So why the kriff did they all turn against him like that?? AND WHY DID HE JUST FIGHT THEM BLINDLY DUDE THESE WERE YOUR FRIENDS!!

If I could have changed anything in this movie that has nothing to do with ships, then it would be that at least ONE of the knights would have supported Kylo and not just blindly turned against him.

Though I must say, Rey giving Kylo Luke’s lightsaber through their bond, was pretty badass.

Palpatine steals Kylo and Rey’s bond

The. Fuck.

WHAT KIND OF FORCE POWER IS THAT?!?!

IF YOU CAN JUST STEAL A JEDI’S FORCE BOND, WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THAT WITH ANAKIN AND OBI-WAN PALPS?!?!? HUH?!?!?!

But for real, stupid decision, could have gone without it.

Jedi Rey vs Sith Palps

It was cool, a cool moment, I sat excitedly and whispered to my brother all the voices I recognized, I think Ahsoka could be heard??

...

I looked it up and yeah her voice is there, which means that she’s dead R.I.P Snips.

One of the better scenes of the movie, though I think it’s cheating because of nostalgia and love for these characters.

(I LOOKED UP WHICH THE VOICES WERE, AND WE’VE GOT FRICKING AAYLA SECURA, LUMINARA UNDULI, ADI GALLIA AND KANAN JARRUS!!!)

Reylo

*Sigh*

Ya know, I really hoped this wouldn’t happen. I almost wanted to skip this, and really make all the Reylo fans mad.

But I have to talk about this.

This kiss, should not have happened.

Now if you are a Reylo shipper, that’s good for you, I ship way stranger things than that, but to actually make it canon?!?!

Kylo having a crush or something for Rey? Sure, I can understand that’s he’s pretty much obsessed at this point. But for Rey, badass Rey who is pretty lesbian, to have feelings for Kylo? THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP PEOPLE!!

And that they made a toxic relationship canon, but not a gay one, really says something about Star Wars doesn’t it.

Death of Kylo

I laughed out loud during this scene. Not joking, people around me were annoyed. And that his clothes didn’t disappear? Is Kylo a naked force ghost? Did he do that for Rey?

Wait

Don’t answer.

Happy Rebels

The Lesbian couple that kissed was obviously queerbaiting, and you should never praise that, but that is probably all we will get Gays, so let’s just take it and cry on the inside.

Is that Stormtrooper gal Lando’s daughter? Because my brother whispered that to me, and I got those vibes too. Or is she way older than what she looks like and we were supposed to see her as a love interest?

The hug was cute.

Rey Skywalker

I will never accept this as canon ever.

To see the moisture farm again was nice, I liked that.

And for Rey to finally have her own lightsaber, and a yellow one too (I read a fanfic where she had a yellow one, was that like pre-seen??).

But the Skywalker thing...eh.

I would have found it cute if she’d said Rey Palpatine, as if she’d embraced her origin and decided that the name Palpatine isn’t just to be afflicted with the emperor, but also with her, the last Jedi.

Also, did she go into exile? Because damn, those Jedi do that a lot!

All in all, I liked this movie! I wasn’t bored a single bit while watching it, as there was always something going on, and I like when that happens. I don’t think that had happened since Empire with a Star Wars movie.

It isn’t in my top three, but it’s up there, and better than The Last Jedi.

Though I must say, they did take some things from Return of the Jedi and put it in this movie, specifically the ending.

Though I must say, and don’t hate me for this, it was better than Return of the Jedi okay bye

[unexpectedreylo]

Into Exile I Must Go

Here we are folks.

Two years ago my world got turned upside down by a couple of space wizards and what a two years it has been.  Countless hours of time and amounts of treasure have been spent obsessing over the strange love between Kylo and Rey (”strangelove, strange highs and strange lows, strangelove, that’s how my love goes, strangelove, will you give it to me, will you take the pain I will give to you again and again and will you return it?”) and honestly, it’s been the most fun I’ve had in 27 years of doing fandom stuff.  Sure, it’s not always sunshine and butterflies, nothing is.  But when Reylos are at their best, they are untouchable in their generosity, creativity, and passion.  Before I saw TLJ, I wondered if my fangirl days were behind me, that maybe I was getting too old for squeeing over characters and their relationships.  Reylo was the spark that burned down my ennui and cynicism.

I wish I’d been able to contribute more.  I cranked out some metas and some fan fic.  I can’t draw or design cool fan-made merch.  I lack the time and skills for things like videos or podcasts.  I didn’t get to go to fan gatherings like the Reylo reception at SWCC or these planned Reylo TROS screenings. There are no Waffle Houses in California.  I’m not young and I’d doubt if these younger fans would have any time listening to an old bat like me.  

Still, even following from the rear has added a joy to life that helped smooth over its inevitable bumps and depressions.  Afterblossom’s brilliant “The Little Mermaid and The Sea Serpent” got me through a stressful time at work, followed by a family member’s suicide in January.  A funny fan art or a thought-provoking meta or a pro-Reylo Tweet from a random company always brightened my day.

After years of not collecting much,  I now have a small sub-collection of anything Ben Swolo, thousands of fan art on my hard drive, t-shirts, mugs, stickers, jewelry, and enamel pins.  Boy do I have a lot of Reylo enamel pins!

Reylo got me into reading and posting fan fiction on AO3, and because of the latter, I can now say I’m a Hugo Award-winning author, LOL.  I never got a huge audience for my work but I still enjoyed writing those stories. 

Part of the fun has been thirsting over Adam/Kylo with likeminded fans and watching his meteoric ascendance toward stardom.  During Adam’s run on “Burn This,” it had been vicarious fun reading about fans getting to see him perform live and meet him at stage door, plus seeing all of the photos and videos.

Anticipating TROS has been a big part of Reylo-dom too.  Remember Hair Watch 2018 and how worried we were that Kylo’s hair wasn’t going to be long enough?  It seems like it wasn’t all that long ago!  We looked for updates during filming until it wrapped in February, worrying over makeup and deciphering mood board poems.  Then we got costume leaks, the first trailer in April, the Vanity Fair covers in June, more footage in late August, the final trailer in October, and now daily t.v. spots.  All of the while, we’d been saying to ourselves, “Oh look, the Reylos were right again.”

Now years have been reduced to days, soon to hours.  It’s exciting and scary at the same time.  The tragedy of Reylo for me is that I got invested so now it matters to me what happens to them.  With Anidala, I knew what I was getting.  With Han and Leia, I was pretty sure they were going to end up together.  With Reylo, it’s a drive down a dark highway.  All we could do is speculate and hope that we’re tuned into whatever ideas the filmmakers used to conclude the story.     My wish is that my space trash children find happiness and bring balance to the Force and that the film we get is worthy of the devotion Reylo fans have shown.

The world premiere is tonight and the review embargo is lifted on December 17.   Once the premiere is over, I am staying off Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr until I see the movie on December 20.  Not only am I avoiding spoilers, I am also avoiding others’ opinions.  I want to form my own views about the movie instead of letting others color it for me.

Once I come back on the 20th, I will first post just my first impressions of the film and what we got right vs. what we got wrong.  I have tickets to see it a second time on the 23rd so I’ll a post a more detailed review afterward.

Even if we don’t get what we want out of this movie, I think Reylo is a shot across the bow.  We live in an era where “romance is dead” and Hollywood’s stories reflect a cynicism about love so we more often than not are disappointed in the stories they tell.  There’s also a tendency to dismiss storytelling that appeals to women or to diminish women’s participation in fandom.  But Reylo demonstrates ships or romances build investment and loyalty like nothing else does.  The industry needs to pay attention to that.  

So don’t think that we wasted our time.  Whether we get the ending we want or not, we have to push for less baiting, better written stories and characters, and maybe some HEAs in the bargain.

MTFBWY my 1,236 followers I acquired over two years and see you on the flip side.  We’ll have lots to talk about.

[paperclipninja]

NCIS post-ep ramble 17x01

I know it’s been days since the season 17 premiere and I had every intention of writing something earlier but just didn’t have time (plus I have been so caught up in reading everyone’s thoughts and reblogging all these posts and general flailing that honestly, who has the time for anything??) but I most certainly do have a few thoughts and feelings about the ep I’d like to get down.

For those who don’t know me that well, hi :) and also, I’ve always been rather partial to a post-ep ramble (which is basically me trying to process everything by dumping many words here) so I thought I’d throw a few words down because let’s be real, ‘Out of the Darkness’ was A LOT.

Ok, so can we talk about the opening scene, because it seemed like a classic NCIS ‘guys doing a dodgy deal but wait, the team needs the vehicle’ kinda moment but then FINGERS. Actual freaking fingers on that car dash and I should mention I was live streaming this episode on the train on my way to work and I was NOT chill at this point because it was brutal.

I was having so many feelings right from the get go, I mean Ziva is back and even through we’ve had months to process this it still felt so surreal yet like she’d not really been gone for that long, except that from the very first interaction with Gibbs in the basement, you could just see that she’s different. It’s subtle but it’s there. I love that the moment Gibbs’ basement starts getting shot up and both he and Ziva are out of ammo, they immediately default to working together to create the makeshift explosive thing, no words, just right into the groove of knowing what needs to happen without treading on one another’s toes.

Meanwhile Nick, McGee and Ellie are obliviously having a drink (lol @ McGee lasting less than two seconds not talking about work), for anyone into the Nick/Ellie ship there was a nice little moment and the three of them hot foot it to Gibbs’ place after after McGee gets the call to say there’s been a shoot out (seriously, can you imagine being Gibbs’ neighbours? The weird-ass stuff that has gone down there over the years, that’d be one house you’d tell the kids to skip for trick or treating). I am so into the follow through from the Ziva set up last season, Ellie feeling like the fabric was familiar was a nice way to bring it all together.

It’s funny, after so many years of watching this show then stepping away for a little while, I’m really not sure what I expected when I heard that Ziva was going to return. My shipper heart is really just locked on to Ziva and Tony finally getting some kind of happiness, but I was unsure what it would be like seeing this character on screen after so long, especially considering the way she was written out initially. Can I just say that the way Ziva has returned to our screen exceeded any expectations I did or did not have. I never in a million years expected this show to not just consider, but actively highlight the toll of all the years of trauma and struggle of Ziva David. A credit to the direction in this scene, but as Ziva began having the anxiety attack in the sewer pipe and we gained our first glimpse of her battle with this demon, it was unnerving to see this character who had always remained so seemingly in control, so vulnerable. But it was also wonderful (and heart-wrenching and sad). I am so grateful to Gina Lucita Monreal (who I Stan v. hard btw) for showing this side to this character because to me, it demonstrates not only the character’s journey, but NCIS’s growth.

Gibbs knowing that Ziva needed space and giving it to her but then finding her in a state that clearly caught him off guard was once again something I was not expecting and I was floored, yet again, when the pills Ziva stuffed back into her pocket were actually addressed and spoken about on the bus (I realise it sounds like I’m just constantly surprised but in the past, it’s the kind of thing that may get followed up about six episodes down the track, though I’m aware there isn’t the luxury of drawn out breadcrumbs with this arc and honestly, I’m grateful).

The scene between Ziva and Gibbs on the bus is quite possibly my favourite interaction between these two characters ever. And yes, I mean in the entire series. Hearing Ziva talk about Tali, explain the significance of the necklace and then put it to Gibbs that wouldn’t he do anything if it meant he could hold his daughter one more time, ugh my heart. The ONLY thing I disliked about this episode was later when Ziva said she wasn’t talking about Kelly. I understand the sentiment and I am here for her calling Gibbs out on giving up on her every day of the week, but in that moment on the bus, it absolutely was and should have been Kelly she was referring to because it was in that moment that she and Gibbs connected on an entirely different level - as parents. And more than that, as parents who know what it’s like to risk everything because of the love they hold for a child. So while I do love that Ziva put it to Gibbs that he abandoned her, I do feel it could have been brought up in a way that didn’t diminish the power of that conversation on the bus. Because when Gibbs reached out and touched that scar on her wrist, it may have been a small gesture but the meaning was huge and yes I did start crying and no, I did not care that I was on a train.

Of course we must talk about Odette. Sweet, old, possibly an assassin or some other kind of highly trained deadly human Odette. When Bishop asked her, ‘who are you, really?’, all I could think was, same girl, same. I am so into this character and I really hope she sticks around because her turning up later in the ep with a car load of weapons and then wanting to join in just upped my curiosity even more.

I really am such a fan of Ellie, I have been since the beginning, and I did feel for her trying to balance the wishes of Ziva and her loyalty to her team. McGee’s reaction to finding out that Ziva was alive and that Ellie knew about it was definitely warranted and my Tiva loving heart is trying very hard not to read too much into everyone’s avoidance of answering whether Tony knows (read: I am 150% reading too much into it and of course he knows because Ziva has obviously been leaving clues the entire time that she’s ok and it’s fine, it’s all fine, I’M FINEEE*)

*I am not fine

Nick is immediately suspicious after the awkward af conversation in Vance’s office where every time he mentions something from the crime scene at Gibbs’, Ellie and McGee very obviously downplay or dismiss it. Plus Ellie’s sweaty neck is apparently a dead giveaway and I love that Kaisie also mentions it because when this show does funny, it does it damn well. Aside from the bus scene, my other favourite scene of this episode was in autopsy when Nick ‘I don’t even know this ninja but this is like the biggest news of my life’ Torres has just learned about Ziva and Jimmy ’you said the thing about Ziva and my ears heard it and now I think I need to sit down’ Palmer also gets clued in and honestly, this entire sequence is absolute gold. I heart Kasie so hard and her discomfort with the ‘weird air’ just lent itself to making the whole thing wonderfully hilarious and the dynamic between all the characters was so on point. Nick and Kaisie really are stellar additions to the show, it just works.

Ziva’s determination to go it alone definitely wavers momentarily after Gibbs has spoken to McGee and asked him to decode the encrypted SD card (so many lols at Gibbs asking Ziva if she wants to talk to McGee then telling him she says hi. Again, the writing in this ep is just brilliant, being able to slot in genuinely light and funny moments between the dark and serious), there’s the ever-so-brief expression before Ziva gets into the car, as though she remembers what it’s like to have a team, her team, working with her. 

What is on the card of course leads Gibbs and Ziva to be standing in the man who uses phrases like ‘dope’ in front of his machete wall’s office and I have to say, his ‘what are these two homeless people doing in my office’ was accurate. The show then stabbed me in the heart with the necklace situation - either her heart or her albatross- and of course it all connects back to Ari (the parallel to Saleem ripping off her necklace was noted). We also get our answer as to why Ziva had those severed fingers in the opening scene which is still gross and brutal but also understandable and much better knowing that the dude was dead when it happened. But still gross.

One thing that really struck me was when McGee, Ellie and Nick see Gibbs and Ziva making their getaway and McGee and Ziva share their moment of locking eyes and her indicating for the team to stay put, it is Ellie who points out that, ‘she knows what she needs better than anyone else’. It was just really interesting to me that McGee’s initial instinct was to go after Ziva and Gibbs, despite Ziva clearly not wanting him to, and it is the woman on the team who points out that he needs to respect Ziva’s wishes and trust her. I have no idea if this was making some kind of larger statement but it felt significant to me for some reason. Plus I just love the respect Ellie has for this woman she has never met and I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for her to see Ziva in the flesh for the first time after harbouring her secret for so long.

We all knew Vance would find out eventually and omg Nick just cracked me up, ‘I’m the least guilty one in here, Bishop is the worst...’, he is just such a great character (in case I haven’t mentioned that enough times). I don’t know enough about Sloane at this stage and I’m a little confused about her role or position so I will catch myself up on that (or feel free to fill me in) but she also seems pretty cool. I think back to early days McGee, the nervous probie who was so unsure and then think of him in this episode, standing in Vance’s office defying orders and all I can hear is Tony’s voice saying, ‘I’m proud of you Tim’. I love that he’s backing Ellie and that he’s standing up for and trusting her and knowing Vance’s history with Ziva, it’s just all such a wonderful coming together of NCIS history and the present.

The final scene of course left us in a TBC moment as Gibbs’ attempt to arrest Sahar (or at least a woman I assume is Sahar but then it’s NCIS so who knows?) is railroaded by Ziva’s adamance that unless she is dead, Sahar will always be a threat. I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds, I’m just loving the speculations and excitement and most importantly, consideration with which the show seems to be bringing back these storylines and characters and really, I do believe we are in for quite a ride and if this episode is anything to go by, one heck of a payoff. 

[kosei-on]

(the sb anon again) was hesitant to send another... here's the prompt that i wasn't able to fit in the last msg set in the archieverse shadow always had a secret admiration for blues' wayward attitude but chose to abide to his given orders after blues' betrayal, shadow's longing to be free like him begins to surface ahhh i'm sorry if i went overboard and got into specifics, you could also take your own liberties! have a nice day! ヽ(；▽；)ノ

I had to look up what broodish meant in ur the last message, but I agree with it. I end up writing a lot about what characters are thinking because my mind is always just;;; Running... I’m not a huge ShadowBlues fan (I only really ship TempoBlues and since I ship BassRock- BluesBass has become my enemy)  And I feel super inspired by ur message!!! It isn’t perfect for how you asked, but I hope, that you liked it anon!!!

But y’all, send me all the rare pairs!!! I’m so happy to have enthusiastic peeps here, send me everything that is N O T I N C E S T.

____ Shadow has always thought Breakman, Protoman- whatever stupid identity he obsessed over at the moment was a strange conundrum. His past was ruled by dictatorship and orders. To not abide by Terra’s rules, to not believe in Ra Moon and worship him like the deity he was, the great and malevolent ruler, meant death. If he could be honest to himself, he didn’t miss Ra Moon too much. But why he didn’t he wasn’t sure. He should miss him, the last part of his past, he was supposed to help him rule the earth and yet he failed and while it felt horrible, the pain had faded and he was lost and yet not, he still had orders to follow.  Dr. Wily was almost as strange to him as Breakman. He didn’t have much experience with humans, but he was fascinating in ways different from the creation of Dr. Light. It was hard to put into words, words were so fleeting and temporary. So easy to twist and misconstrue. They are held to loose definitions that are interpreted in different ways. Easy to replace with words that mean practically the same thing- actions are much louder. When someone hands you something without asking if you wanted, it spoke to how they thought of you. 

Protoman understood this. Wily did not. Why use 10 words when a 100 would do? He understood he hated Dr. light by the way he wanted him dead, he didn’t need a lecture.  Protoman, Breakman, he understood this. When he wanted to take him back to Dr. Wily, Shadowman deliberately wanted to provoke him into a fight. Just to feel his strength. He could tell, in a brief battle, the tide was turned to him, however, he wasn’t sure about a longer battle. It worried him. He could feel his faith in Wily waning, and if he were to flip, and he couldn’t manage him... 

Well, that’s what happened. It frightened him almost, the poison in his words as he spat to Wily. Unbeknownst to him though, Wily had made precautions to ensure he didn’t flip. Of course, such methods were against his moral standings, but he already knew Wily was not a fair or honest man. So he tried to not let it bother him. In the days leading up to the incident, Dr. Wily was flipping through a dictionary, angrily muttering to himself as he paged through the bounded pages.  “I suppose you wouldn’t know the definition of ‘Susurrus’ would you?” Shadowman stared.  “Chrissake, I can’t use the internet in case someone cracks my identity- God- how did anyone live without the internet?! Oh, finally, here we go, ‘whispering, murmuring, or rustling.’ Why wouldn’t you just say murmuring?!” he threw the science journal against the wall, Shadow didn’t flinch as it banged against his head and fell with a thump.  “These fancy types always use the long and complicated word when the lamens term would work better. It’s monotonous.” Shadow didn’t listen to the rest of his rant. The dictionary had opened to a word, and one stuck out to him.  wan·der·lust/ˈwändərˌləst/ noun: a strong desire to travel. "a man consumed by wanderlust"

He thought of Protoman. He was gone and hadn’t come back. But Wily was so sure of himself he didn’t ask him to leave. Well, that was fine. He had a perfectly fine time entertaining himself. But the word, “Wan-der-lust. Wanderlust. Wanderlust.” toiled around his head. Had he ever had a strong desire to travel? 

That was months ago. Megaman defeated Cossack's robots, and while he knew Wily was alive he had only heard rumors, like whispers of the wind. When he found him, gave him sort of a signal he would return, but for now he was a: vag·a·bond/ˈvaɡəˌbänd/ noun: a person who wanders from place to place without a home or job.

Living the life of wandering mindlessly. Sometimes he stayed in one place for several days, tucked for several days in a tree. Survival wasn’t much of a problem, he didn’t run on the energy canisters the robots of this miserable planet did. He was fine running the way he was, or so he told himself. But his enemy was boredom, and he fought it in an intense struggle. So much so he was most entertained having dreams. He once dreamt he had won a race, and spent the money on buying a ninja house and a red scarf.  The red scarf stuck to him. His silhouette was dark in the full moon as he stood over the house... It was a scene more suited to Protoman... He did betray Wily after all. He was angry at first, mostly at Wily for being so insistent and sure of himself, unable to accept he could have been wrong. But he supposed that it wouldn't matter, and he should be over it now. He had nothing to do now that he was alone. Without his master's orders, until there was a signal, there was a sign, he had to wait. He was growing tired of it.  

Protoman’s words echoed through his head, the last time he saw him. “I might be a coward, I might have betrayed Wily but at least I am beginning to understand who I am! Who are you? Who is Shadowman? All you do is follow orders! if you were without them what would you do?” Oh, he HATED him. Loathed him, of course, he wouldn’t understand.  Actions spoke louder than words, but those words cut deep. He couldn’t begin to understand his line of reasoning. The one who changed names and identities like the phases of the moon- which, tonight was a lovely crescent- understood himself better than someone who was told who he was from the very day he was made. it was ridiculous. 

...Although... He had time to think. He asked himself, when had he ever felt wanderlust. It was that longing in his chest when he stared at the stars, the miles sprawling in front of him. He had seen himself had bright they shined, and how endless space was. Insignificant, but together in an army, he was part of something bigger. That claimed planets and conquered galaxies. 

But he was just a speck. All this time, he wanted to be more than a speck. He tried to hard, but, he was a- “Goddamn fool!” Or was he? The thoughts contradicted and ran away in his head. he did not miss Wily. Not in the slightest.  But he did miss Ra Moon. As much as he said he didn’t miss him as much as he should, Ra Moon was a scary but dominating presence. You could feel how insignificant you were to him, and that was beautiful because when you were beside him, you were part of a being that was just so much more. 

“I want to be free,” he said in a susurrus. 

It felt right. For once words spoke louder than actions. And he would have sat there in the grass surrounded by a limited amount of trees if his instincts had not overridden that. He stood on his feet, shuriken glinting in the moonlight and he stared where the leaves of the tree rustled. 

Protoman stood there, and the silhouette was not perfected, but his visor shined, and scarf rustled perfectly with the wind.  “...Shadowman, put that way, it’s too nice of a night to fight,” he scoffed like he had offended him. Shadowman was so shocked by this he let out a slight “huh” sound. Begrudgingly, he did put it away and crossed his arms. 

“...It was a nice night.” 

“Right. So... Shouldn’t you be with Wily?” “A nice night like this would be better spent without company.” “Yeah? Well... I’m going to assume that means you don’t know where he is.”

“Do you have any idea?” Protoman shook his head and dropped down from the trees. “No. I want to though, so I can kill him,” he added “That’s impossible.” “Hmmm... Maybe.” What does that mean?  “Well, I took your advice. It’s wonderful, being bored all day with nothing to do.”

“You didn’t take my advice then. Who is Shadowman?” “...” the fact that Shadowman didn’t have anything that wasn’t abstract after 30 seconds spoke a lot. Protoman crossed his arms, giving off a smug aura.  “Well. Fine, who is this ‘Protoman?’“ “...Someone who wants to go home but can’t.”  Shadowman stared at the stars for another moment. “...If that is how you define yourself, I suppose we have that in common.” “Really... Huh.” they both gazed at the stars for a long while.  “...If you’re bored, you could come with me.” Shadowman's eyes shifted to him, and then shifted back forward.  Another moment, where words spoke louder than actions. A vagabond to offer company on their wanderlust was not something he expected. He nodded.

[oosteven-universe]

Die!Namite #001

Die!Namite #001 Dynamite Entertainment 2020 Written by Declan Shalvey & Fred Van Lente Illustrated by Vincenzo Carratù Coloured by Kike J. Diaz Lettered by Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou    In the shadowed alleys of 1930s Chicago, GREEN HORNET and KATO hunt the nefarious criminal element plaguing their city. They soon discover a mysterious danger that threatens Earth itself! Meanwhile, VAMPIRELLA hurtles through space on a Drakulon ship, desperate to uncover a dark mystery…    Well now this isn’t what I thought it would be and it’s so much more than I could have hoped for.  Okay So this issue doesn’t actually have Green Hornet and Kato in it that’s okay because it always makes me thrilled to see Peter Cannon Thunderbolt!  Though in all honesty I thought DC had the rights to him but shh I won’t say nothin because I love him as a character and what has been done with him at Dynamite.  I think this cast that we are seeing here is amazing and it took me a little by surprise that this was going in the direction it does.  I mean I guess October is the month to do that to your characters as it’s all the rage and I was almost sure that this trend was dead.       I am a huge fan of the way that this is being told.  How we see the story & plot development constantly moving forward through how the sequence of events unfold as well as how the reader learns information is presented extremely well.  Each segment or vignette showcases how the characters of the Dynamite Universe are going to become involved and none of it is going to be what you expect.  The character development is sensational, John’s is beyond amazing and that nurse that’s my favourite part.  How  we see the characters act and react to the situations and circumstances really helps in showing who they are.  The pacing is superb and as it takes us through the pages and deeper into how these characters are introduced to what is happening it is a hell of a ride.  How we see this whole book structured and how well everything works together to create the story’s ebb & flow is really expertly done.     I like the mix of characters that we see here.  Peter being one of my favourite characters but the opening here stole the show for me.  That is a brilliant way to get the reader engaged in the story and it could be a hook for a whole story arc all it’s own.     The interiors here are magnificently rendered!  The linework is great and how we see the varying weights and techniques being utilised to bring out the detail work is amazing.  You would never know that there was more than one person working on this.  The way that backgrounds are utilised here is great and they do more than enhance the moments but bring some wonderful depth perception, sense of scale and that overall sense of size and scope to the story.  Seeing John leap that’s always a joy.  Visually there is so much to take in and we never ever get bored for even a moment.  The utilisation of the page layouts and how we see the angles and perspective in the panels show some really strong, talented eyes for storytelling.  The colour work also is gorgeously rendered.  How we see the various hues and tones within the colours utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work is beautifully rendered.  Also i like seeing the myriad of techniques in laying down the colour and the effects that bring about.     It seems that right now company crossovers are in full swing or about to be launched and for me I’d bank on this one being the most interesting of them all.  This is smartly written and gorgeously illustrated and how the layers of story within the story really make this seem more complex and thrilling.  

[iblameashley]

Star Trek Picard S1 Ramblings

Not that anyone from CBS will ever see this or even care if they did – once you create art you create a critic. I’m the critic and I am not a “toxic fan” for not praising every little detail from Star Trek Picard Season 1.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Spoilers<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

So ST: Picard ended its first season and I have spent the last week or so thinking over the series. There was so much and yet so little I am still finding it difficult to find the words to describe how I feel about it.

Lets start with the pilot (Season 1 Episodes 1, 2 & 3.)

First and foremost, I despise 3-episode pilots. They are almost always a waste of time, and the story can almost always be condensed into 2 episodes. This was no different for Picard. I understand that this was meant to set-up the world of Picard and also allowed new fans to be introduced to the world of Trek, but it seriously delayed the plot.

I also believe that if you are new to Trek, you don’t really need a whole lot of set up. The basics can be conveyed rather easily; Picard was a part of a Space Navy called Starfleet. He lives on Earth, it’s a paradise in the 25th Century. He’s being asked for help from a stranger and that will launch him on an adventure that takes him back into space. Honestly, Trek is easy to slide into.

What could have been:

This is the part of my review where I get to Fannon my own idea’s.

Season one as it was could have been completely different and still lead into the events that we had. I would start my ret-con around the attack on Mars.

Pew Pew

The Pitch: Its is only a few months before the Hobus Supernova explosion will reach the outer Romulan colonies, killing hundreds of millions. Admiral Picard is attempting to oversee the final phase of the operation when he discovers a Romulan Spy in Starfleet Ranks. He sets out on a search to discover the true identity of the spy and stop their plans to hijack the Synth construction workers. Along this adventure he meets with Dr. Soji from the Daystrom Institute – a genius cyberneticist, and his trusted friend Raffi who discover the plot may be more sinister than just hijacking of synths, and may hold a dark fate for the planet of Mars.

Episodes 1 & 2 Would be the set-up. Episodes 5 & 6 would reveal the plot about the Zhat Vash and their goals and Episodes 9 & 10 would have the Mars attack happen, reveal Soji as a Synth and the connection to Data and that he (or some part of him) may be alive.

There are things from season 1 I enjoy, though! I just feel this story was rushed and yet… so poorly executed it felt slow.

Excuse me, this is my emotional support crew. Where I go, they go. #foundfamily

For Example, my Pro’s:

·      Visiting Chateau Picard

·      Ex-Tal Shiar agents working for Picard

·      Use of real-locations! Real sunlight! It felt more REAL.

·      Swearing (subversive opinion!)

·      The Archives

·      The holograms of Rio’s as the crew (And by extension the use of Holograms more freely in the Star Trek Universe)

·      Elnor. <3

·      Seven of Nine <3

·      Hugh <3

·      Picard and Hugh hugging

·      Locutus (any reference)

·      Soji’s meditation Journey

·      Soji-hulk. Soji-smash.

·      TNG REUNION!

·      7 of 9 tertiary adjunct of BORG QUEEN

·      Spot II

·      More Synths (though less than I was hoping for)

·      Synth alliance (in concept)

·      Picard flying a ship

·      Gay Seven (or, Bi? Not-straight Seven!)

...My face says “where am I” and my eyes say “not a single thought has ever passed through this head”

And then there are some things that I would put on my Con’s:

·      Soji Dying so early on

·      Jurati / Maddox relationship. Gross. (age difference)

·      Far too little of my favorite Ex-Tal Shiar Romulans

·      Narek. I like nothing about him.

·      The holograms of Rios and their “backgrounds” / Accents

·      Ichebs death!!!! >:(

·      Vjayzl (Don’t know if that’s the spelling. Don’t care. She and her name were terrible)

·      The whole Stardust City episode. Ugh.

·      Narek / Soji Relation-shit

·      Riker and Troi having a dead child because ~~reasons~~ Wasn’t necessary.

·      Borg rebellion too short.

·      Dr. Alton. Should have been Maddox.

·      The flowers? Like??? ????? !!! ????!?!?!??!!?

·      Beacon = Large; shoots beams of light.

·      Tentacle porn Synths (also obvi evil)

·      Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V Starships

·      Gay Seven (or Bi?) **see below**

 And that’s it I guess. Overall, if I had to score Season 1 of Picard out of 10, I’d give it a solid 6.5.

There was a lot that could have been done better, and they should have created a more cohesive story that would leave a few threads open for a renewal (before they knew they were being renewed) but have a conclusion to the main arc. The references to prior Trek were nice, but references don’t make for a good story. I hope going forward we get a more tightly bound story. And for fucks sake, someone show Elnor the damn cat! He’s waited long enough!

Role model and Queen.

** Now some of you may be wondering about the Gay 7 of 9 thing being in the con’s too. Let me be clear. I am Gay, and I support the LGBTQ+ community and its representation in media. My issue is less to do with Seven being gay or bi, and more about how that was literally just dropped at our feet last minute. FIRST OF ALL, she’s clearly been eye-banging Janeway for years. Gimmie that or nothing! I’ll write v-jazzle off as rebound fuck during a rough patch with Janeway.

This part is harder for me to articulate, but I hope y’all will get the gist. Showing lesbians sharing an intimate and non-sexual moment on tv is taking the easy route. Its in the same vein at Catsuits for women on old trek. It is meant to appeal to Straight Boys. In this way, lesbians are generally more accepted than gay men. The flip side to that is, lesbians become more fetishized.That is a separate issue and another topic for another day. It deserves its own post.

If Star Trek wanted to really be more progressive, give us some more gay men in non-sexual yet intimate moments. I know we have DISCO and Staments/Culbur, but there is still such a huge stigma around gay men because TV still equates it with sex. Show me men who just like to cuddle! Get them holding hands and making heart-eyes at each other. Maybe season 2 will open up some possibilities on that front. Until then… if they majorly fuck up what they started with Saffi(Seven/Raffi?? Anyone? Is this a thing?), imma be pissed.

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Everything Awesome about COIE Hour 2

STILL GEEKING OUT

We start off...by pouring one out for Oliver. RIP, Ollie, you will be dropped in a murky pit of standing water at the bottom of an abandoned mine missed!

And of course Kara wants to save EVERYONE and refuses to give up, even in the face of death and cosmic destruction.

PARAGON OF HOOOOOOOPPPPEEEEEE

“I promised my crew no more crossovers.” Oh, Sara. Sweet, naive Sara.

I also love that Lyla’s like, ‘I don’t need your crew, just one part of your ship.’

“You had me at beer.”

Speaking of Mick, we then get the BEST SCENE, which is Baby Jon interrupting the Monitor’s Weighty Exposition, and the heroes just. Passing him down the line.

That’s exactly the kind of characterization I crave, re: Lois and Clark. They’re both just like. Completely fine with 1.) Having their baby here for this Big Important Super Hero Meeting on board a space-and-time ship, 2.) are equally fine with their kid potentially interrupting the guy and 3.) they’re chill with having Heatwave babysit.

So the Paragon thing, as far as I can figure, is unique to the CW crossover, and I Dig It.

(Do I Dig It because Kara is the Paragon of Hope? Absolutely. Would I like the Paragon idea if she wasn’t? Hard to say!)

(I am Biased, I admit it.)

Anyways I just gotta type it out again: KARA ZOR-EL, PARAGON OF HOPE.

It’s what she deserves.

Ears perked up at ‘Tome of the Guardians’ b/c I wondered if that was a reference to the Guardians of the Universe, AKA, the Oans, AKA, the creators of the Green Lantern Corps.

(They were kind of a huge part of Crisis but the Arrowverse is lacking in the way of Lanterns so. WHO KNOWS.)

And then Kate’s like, ‘Who wants to meet Batman?” while the Batman theme plays and. My comic book nerd heart is just. Filled with joy.

Kara at the computer console, searching for Argo and Earth-38...

I...sad.

And then Lex comes and Kara’s ready to SMITE HIM WHERE HE STANDS but Monitor’s like, ‘No.’

(Jon Cryer continues to be an excellent Lex, he’s the kind of villain ya just LOVE to hate.)

Then a lil chat between Kate and Kara

“That’s dark even for Gotham.”

The beginnings of the Lazarus Pit field trip plot! I like that it’s centered on Sara and Mia.

(We’ll come back to that later.)

A very sweet Barry/Iris moment, nice, nice.

And then we're on Earth-99! Kara’s ‘Afraid of yard work’ line = A+

The whole front door scene is great too.

“Can I just...?” *effortlessly destroys door*

Over on Earth-75, Lois and Clark hunt for the PARAGON OF TRUTH only to discover that Lex is on the loose, murderin’ Kryptonians. 

And then we get the DEATH OF SUPERMAN REFERENCE which is EXCELLENT, in terms of nerdy easter eggs, but devastating, because a CLARK HAS DIED.

And then I *think* we’re back with Old Man Bruce? Maybe? I don’t have it written down in my notes but regardless, I’ll take a moment to express my appreciation for the fact that in CW-Land, it’s an old version of Batman that goes off the murderous deep end, not Clark! There are so many Dark Superman stories, but CW Crisis is like, ‘NOPE. Look at all these good Clarks!’

I mean, did I kind of want Kevin Conroy to be a heroic Batman? Sure. But we got Three Good Supes so I’m okay with it.

Also I enjoyed his Old Man Bruce growl-y voice, so that was good.

And then, Smallville Earth! 167, I think?

(I’ve given up trying to keep track of the designations)

I have to admit, Smallville was always a little too...’CW teen drama’ for me, so I don’t have the emotional attachment that many other fans do. I can’t really weigh in on it, from that perspective.

(I’m way more familiar with the Season 11 comic.)

But, the cameo does seem to be in line with what I’ve read about Tom Welling, who kind of always seems like he wants to be done with the show. 

So in that sense, I’m glad he’s sort of had his ending. Like Harrison Ford in Force Awakens. Minus the patricide! 

And, this is perhaps weirdly specific, but I like that this Clark has daughters!

Also enjoyed Smallville Clark punching Lex in the face.

Oh, wait, can’t forget Lois’ line! “[Or he’s] the buff guy on paper towel rolls.”

Mick soothing baby Jon with a self-published romance novel is delightful.

OOOOOH and then at the Daily Planet! The Lois and Clark theme! (Not the TV show, Lois & Clark theme, but the John Williams, Lois and Clark theme.) T’was lovely!

Back to Gotham, and Kara Danvers! In the Library! With the Glasses!

It was a grim reveal. It was great.

I like that Kara’s right, in that Bruce is not the Paragon. I worried that her mistrust would be unfounded, or that it would be like, another Lex situation, where the dude is clearly bad news, but folks shrug it off for the sake of the multiverse.

Nope. Kate is like, 1000% ready to side with Kara and let the dude fry.

(That’s dark, even for Gotham.)

(Just gonna. Try and slip that into casual conversation.)

(Also HEY Burton Batmobile under a tarp in the batcave!)

Then there’s the whole SUPES vs SUPES battle and it’s fine? It’s fine. But I like the character stuff a whole lot more.

FOR EXAMPLE: Lois’s little, “Come on Honey, you got this.” And taking Lex out with...a paperweight? I couldn’t really see. Either way, GOOD!

Also Lois and Iris getting the book and Lois saving Donner!Clark with the POWER OF LOVE!

SUPERMAN RETURNS HEAT VISION! WOO!

(So the Blue is unique to Earth-38 HMMMMMMMM. Cool.)

Alright circling back to the Lazarus Pit Field Trip!

Sara and Mia finally coming around, getting along. GOOD, YES, GOOD.

“I miss Ollie too.”

Sara giving Jonah Hex his scar.

Also they just...have Oliver’s dead body? ...O...kay....

And then they dunk him, and he’s under there for a while, and ALL SEEMS LOST until he LEAPS FORTH FROM THE WATERY DEPTHS.

Oliver, you poetic, noble land-merman.

So now they’ll have to FIGHT FOR OLIVER’S SOUL. 

Which I’m already WAY more invested in, than any fight for Lena’s

I’m sorry I’m not usually so MEAN to fictional characters but I’m so done with her and her NONSENSE.

Back on the Waverider! Ray and Clark!

Also, Lex in a cage! And he does a curtsy! It’s great.

Kara: Ray, you’re looking jacked. Clark: HE IS YOUR COUSIN.

“Huh.”

Kate was a Paragon all along! I appreciate that the Monitor is like, ‘THE MULTIVERSE IS DYING...but you needed to learn that the courage was inside you, here, have a side quest.’

Then we end on another Hope Speech from Kara but like, tailored to Kate.

“Do these things even work on you?” “Not really.”

KARA’S GONNA SAVE EARTH-38, EVEN IF IT KILLS HER...or drives her insane a la Superboy Prime but whatever, it’s fine, this is fine, it’s fine.

And then HARBINGER AND THE ANTI-MONITOR!!!!!!! Get ready for some MIND-CONTROL and BETRAYAL, Y’ALL.

In conclusion! A quieter, more ‘feelings’ heavy episode, but I liked it! I like how they integrated the cameos, and that the ‘three supers’ left in the crossover are Clark, Clark, and Kara.

And that’s it for Hour 2! I had a belated thought on Hour 1, but it’s SG specific...as in, specific to the season-long arc, not really the crossover:

I had mentioned, in my prior post, that I couldn’t stand Lena and her pettiness. (Still can’t.) BUT, I realized that it was good that Lena was a huge jerk about the whole thing, because she absolutely saved billions of lives with the portal, BUT. She behaved so badly that there’s NO WAY they can use it as a redemptive action on her part.

And also, she got the portal working thanks to Alex, so. There’s that too. 

[green-blooded]

So I watched Into Darkness and wrote out my reactions to it... Again, it's going to be negative, so if that'd bother you, please don't read! All Star Trek fans are legit, even if this is a portion of the canon I don't like.

A brief summary of my reaction:

And it's a Star Wars opening. This is a scene from a Star Wars film. The sound effects even sound like Star Wars. LIKE. I love Star Wars, but this isn't supposed to be Star Wars please stop.

I mean why should we give Uhura any characterization other than liking Spock. That would take effort or something.

I'll admit that I like Spock hanging out in a volcano wearing a disco suit. It's where he belongs. It is his home now that they blew up Vulcan. ('Cause it's a volcano, get it.)

Hey, hey omg they are almost doing a philosophical thing with Spock being willing to die for the needs of the many and McCoy yelling at him, then telling Kirk that if the situation were reversed, Spock would let him die. It's almost a Star Trek!

They're letting McCoy have lines. Wooow. I don't expect it to last.

Um... suddenly I'm in an episode of Black Mirror or something? I don't... wait holy shit that's Mickey? Who gives a shit about Sherlock, that's MICKEY. I didn't know he was in this!

Oh good, Kirk is having a threesome with alien twins. Cool. Love this. Love it. Great characterization.

OH GOOD more bickering between Spock and Kirk that is absolutely the worst and I hate it. :)

I just want McCoy in scenes. :( I just want Uhura with her own story. :( I just want to not look at Sherlock's face. :( Oh look, Mickey's already dead. :(

I don't... get Spock's characterization in these movies. I don't get what Kirk and Spock's friendship is. I don't... feel anything about it. I actually really love Kirk and Spock's friendship, and not having it work for me is a huge void, right up there with McCoy having lost his role in the trio.

So much of the sound design is Star Wars-y. It's really, really bugging me.

Chris Pine is such a likable guy. I really do enjoy when he's on screen. I don't like some of the characterization that he's been saddled with, but I like the character just fine outside of him being called Kirk.

... The conflict that made Kirk not the captain of the Enterprise and Spock not the first officer lasted for like five minutes and had no consequences wow.

OH MCCOY IS GRACING MY SCENE AND HAVING MORE INTERESTING INTERACTIONS THAN ANYONE ELSE AGAIN WOW THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EXISTING. I really do enjoy him fretting over Kirk. It is really cute.

Ugh, please stop having Kirk take the place of McCoy in the arguments with Spock. I hate it. It does not work, especially with McCoy not taking Kirk's role of being mediator. It's just bicker bicker bicker but without actual ethics really being brought in because?????? WHO KNOWS. Why'd they have to mess up the trio? That was the easiest thing not to mess up.

Here's what it is. The conflict between Kirk and Spock in AOS is a pissing contest with the standard TWO MEN CAN'T JUST BE FRIENDS THEY HAVE TO BE COMPETITIVE. While the conflict between Spock and McCoy in TOS is ethical and moral differences with a core of (admittedly complex) friendship. Just. Let men be friends and have real disagreements instead of just trying to play Alpha Male.

As I'm typing this, they're doing the same with Kirk and SCOTT of all people????????????? This is so not Star Trek ugh. Let people be nice to each other what the hell. Kirk is such a nice person. Let him be NICE. Let Spock be NICE. They only one they made nice is McCoy, and they only managed it giving him 0% of his edge. He's just cranky instead of a super intelligent and philosophical guy who is also Real Southern and ready to argue.

... He just made Chekov his chief of engineering? What... are... who... why is everyone on this ship twelve.

Is it just me or do they write Spock as an android instead of a Vulcan? Like... he knows how Humans work. And yeah, he sometimes plays up being non-Human on TOS, but... it just seems so overdone. Maybe I'm being too picky idk.

I continue to hate the Spock/Uhura stuff wow.

Take McCoy On Away Missions He Has No Business Going On Like Real Star Trek!!!

Oh my god even the shuttles are fucking huge. Why are all these ships so big inside? It makes everything feel much more sterile and difficult to believe.

The McCoy and Sulu interactions are A+.

Oh good, now Uhura is having a McCoy argument with Spock. Don't let McCoy have any role in this whole movie, that's fine. I mean the Bread and Circuses talk about Spock wanting to die was way better and took less screentime, but that's fine. That's fine. Let's just bluntly talk directly about Spock's Feelings instead of any kind of subtlety. God I really hate the writing.

Wow, we almost had one (badly written) conversation without an action scene. Phew, they fixed that.

Why does every iteration of Star Trek feel the need to completely redo Klingons from scratch?

Oh no, they almost have diplomacy where Uhura got to show off her skills, couldn't have that. Time for an action scene!

Every interaction Kirk or Spock has with another man in this whole fucking movie is aggressive for no reason. And even in this alternate universe, McCoy refuses the toxic masculinity. This is why I love him. He just wants to be everyone's mom friend.

DID THIS MOVIE JUST IMPLY THAT KIRK FUCKED CHRISTINE CHAPEL I FUCKING WHAT THE FUCKING WHAT WHAT WHAT NO STOP SHE IS NOT A NAME DROP FOR YOU TO MAKE THE FANS HAPPY SHE IS A CHARACTER THAT I LOVE AND I DEMAND RESPECT BE PUT ON HER NAME AND SHE AND KIRK DID NOT FUCK AND IF THEY DID HE WOULD REMEMBER IT

Oh hey they did send McCoy on an away-- what? Did he just... flippantly refer to a Gorn? That's... they didn't... whatever. McCoy demanding to be left behind to die for the good of someone else just flies by unnoticed but it was a big deal for Spock. Okay.

Ok, the reveal that this is about Khan is more than an hour into the movie. Which is a reveal everyone knew before the movie came out and also a character that we're all familiar with. So I just kinda feel like every minute of the movie so far was just wasted on backstory. Again!

(McCoy should be in this scene where they confront Khan but whatever.)

Hey, AOS? We already know that Khan is a fucking monster, so trying to get us to feel sorry for him as if we don't know this is weird as hell. Like, these ethical quandaries it's trying to bring up are not working for me at all, because... if you're going to base this on TOS, you can't just pretend nothing in TOS happened!

Also love these reveals where I'm supposed to care what ship just showed up, but they're shining lights in my eyes so I can't even see what it is!

Nimoy was on my screen time to start paying attention again. I definitely kind of zoned out for a while there. I think I missed like five consecutive action scenes.

Again, why are we getting a reveal about Khan being evil? We... we know this. Even people who don't watch Star Trek know he's a bad guy. Why do we need Nimoy to tell us this? We're an hour and a half into the movie and still getting reveals that we should have known before the movie started!

~ This Is Dumb ~

Oh my gosh Khan betrayed them wow i didn't see that coming

Wow look at this disaster that shows why a huge fucking ship with endlessly huge corridors is maybe a bad idea because we're in space and gravity failures means everyone would fucking die. I hate this pointlessly large interior oh man.

How long do I have to watch the Enterprise fall apart before something new happens? This movie could be like half an hour long if we just cut the pointless action scenes.

Okay, time for the only actual reveal in the whole film; Kirk "dies" instead of Spock. It might be good if it didn't go on too long and make the Sad Music swell. They did hire good actors, so you'd think they'd let them use their Acting Skills instead of making it sappy and dumb with bad cinematography and overwhelming music.

So, for one thing, McCoy should be getting to Engineering to see to Kirk when he gets out, not Spock. For another thing, there is no history between this Kirk and Spock that makes this moment meaningful. Maybe it would be kinda, if you don't have Wrath of Khan (which I don't even like!) to compare it to where we have three seasons and two movies of history between two people who are actually friends! Kirk's actual friend in these movies is McCoy, WHO SHOULD BE THE ONE CALLED DOWN HERE THIS IS A MEDICAL SITUATION.

Like, it's great that you're feeling, Spock, but I'm sure not. This is so dumb.

NOW UHURA'S HERE. WHERE IS MCCOY? THE MEDICAL OFFICER AND FUCKING FRIEND OF KIRK?

Oh god did he just yell khan no this is so dumb this is so dumb now i AM crying this is so dumb

Love that they took the Khan storyline and drained it of any relevance by not really getting into the whole eugenics aspect.

Oh now I get to see someone who actually was Kirk's friend reacting to hsi death. Thanks for finally getting to something meaningful, movie. Oh man, I almost felt something, because Urban is a pretty good actor and McCoy's friendship with Kirk is the only relationship I care about in the AOS, but then there was a tribble and ruined it, so.

This fight between Khan and Spock is dumb, just. Dumb. It's dumb. This is dumb. Why does every action sequence go on SO LONG.

Spock's rage toward Khan makes no sense. He and Kirk barely tolerate each other in these movies, I don't get it.

McCoy and Kirk are really cute in these movies. That's all I have. Of course, we can't let McCoy talk too much, because this is the Kirk and Spock show.

OH GOD THE TRANSITION TO THE OPENING SPEECH WAS SO BAD I'M LAUGHING SO HARD.

Oh thank goodness, this movie is over. I am hoping I'll like Beyond, because people have said this one might not be awful. Probably going to wait until tomorrow because it's nearly midnight and I want to be in a better mood when I watch it.

[twilightofthe]

For the Star Wars questions- 16 & 19. :)

Thank you!!! (y’all this got ridiculously long for two damn questions lol)

Send me a number and i’ll tell u my fave/least fave:

16. Book/Comic (Aight, so I’m actually not a huge comic reader in general, most of my comic knowledge comes from other fans on here posting about them, so this is gonna be mainly book-focused)

FAVE:  Welllllll, since I’m literally incapable of narrowing down my favorite anythings, I’m gonna do faves for both canon and EU novels.  

Canon-wise, it’s a tie beween A New Dawn and Ahsoka.  I know I don’t post about them as much on here, but I truly have a super soft spot for Kanera and Kanan and Hera’s characters, they’re just so GOOD and I love themmmmm aaaaaaaaa.  You get super good insights to how Kanan was running wild and traumatized and trying to repress everything and how Hera was a little naïve but still tough as nails and she had a dream and she was going to make it happen or so help her, ugh I just love how the story showed how they’re strongest as a team working together and I just love character dynamics where the two are so obviously married and kinda snark at each other sometimes but they have each other’s backs through everything and know each other like the back of their hands and uggghhhh this is just such a healthy good ship and such a good book.  The Ahsoka novel is just fantastic all on its own because it shows Ahsoka as a young adult, kinda floundering and lost in this new world, full of guilt over what happened with Anakin and the Order, trying to do what she can to help people and just enduring because she’s a survivor, she was raised (by two argumentative, adoptive parents who love her very much SO SAYETH THE BOOK) to be a survivor and handle herself, but that doesn’t mean she’s not lonely as all hell.  And oof I just fucking adore Kaeden Larte and her relationship with Ahsoka (who absolutely comes back and marries her once the war is over oh yes) and her relationship with Miara and ugh just all of it is A+++++.  E.K. Johnston is just an amazing author in general and her other book, Queen’s Shadow is one of my two canon runner ups because I am in love with her Sabé and her Padmé.  Other canon runner up is A Certain Point Of View, if only for the “Time of Death” chapter.  Don’t get me wrong, the rest of it is also fantastic, but oh god it kills me DEAD OBI WAN DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER AND I CRY I REALLY CRY

EU-wise (oh god, I haven’t even gotten to least-faves yet), it has to be the Revenge of the Sith novelization.  Without a question.  Y’all it’s SO FUCKIN’ good, and in my personal opinion should be considerrred canonnnnnn (look I think the reason they gave for excluding it is that there’s no mention of Ahsoka or Rex or Mandalore or any of the stuff that happened literally the day before which is valid, but I counterpoint that Anakin is a mess with A Lot Going On At The Moment, he could have just forgot?  He forgets most of his morals, all of his common sense, and three of his limbs by the end of the story, Snips could have just slipped his mind! xD).  Anyway, besides the fact that it’s like 99% written in Obikin-colored glasses which really just makes me happy as a person because I love it being acknowledged just how important they are to each other, it really offers a deeper insight INSIDE the chaos going on in Anakin’s head, the mess, just why he falls so quickly and so awfully.  I love it gives the Padmé plot that got cut on screen some validity.  The beautiful beginning and the goddam introductions to Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi are just A++++++++++++++ and oof other people can more accurately describe just how good this book is, but I love it a Big Lot ok?

LEAST FAVE:  Okey doke, here we go....  So firstly for canon, I’m not the biggest fan of how Claudia Grey writes Leia’s character.  She’s a wonderful storyteller and I love her worldbuilding, but just the way she characterizes Leia herself never felt... right, ya know?  Idk, I can’t really explain it, but it makes it difficult for me to enjoy her Leia novelsWarning right now that this is a VERY unpopular opinion and my opinion alone, please do not yell at me!  So as skilled and admired an author Timothy Zahn is, I don’t like the Thrawn books.  I’m sorry, I don’t.  To me, Thrawn is just.... ok so he’s like BBC!Sherlock but in space.  The plot makes a big deal about how “oooh cool and intelligent and Literally Better Than Everyone Else” Thrawn is, but the only way they really show his “cleverness” is by either him solving problems by pulling together information that literally no one but the writer knows and then acting like it was oh so obvious and in front of everyone OR, the story dumbs down other characters to make him look smart.  And maybe it was because the one Thrawn book goes after Anakin/Vader in particular to do the latter is what kinda ticked me off on Thrawn books in general, but y’all, it really ticked me off, because Anakin is like the lowest hanging fruit for an author to pick to make their character look good in comparison, and therefore it is done All The Time (LOOKING AT YOU, CLONE WARS), which I think is lazy and an insult to Anakin’s character.  Look, I am fully aware Anakin Skywalker is a dolt to the highest degree sometimes, but he is ALSO A GENIUS.  He is SMART.  IT IS CANON THAT HE IS SMART.  So when the Thrawn book has Thrawn constantly one-upping Anakin The Useless Doofus (and Padmé a bit!!!) and then doing it again once he meets him as Vader, that just makes me hmmmm.

The canon comics are actually gonna be featured on the list here a bit because if y’all don’t already know my hatred for That One Particular Vader Comic (not the rest of the series run as I have not read it and from what I hear, it’s excellent and I’d probs like it a lot) doing the implication in a dream sequence where it says that Palpatine used the Dark Side to impregnate Shmi and create Anakin, well I HATE IT.  Look, I know the plot was literally about Sidious trying to mess with Vader’s head and that dream shouldn’t be trusted, but it fooled all the fans too and now like 60% of Star Wars fans actually believe Sidious fathered Anakin and I am so damn tired of hearing about that.  Yeah, now that Reylo is canon, that comic’s authors are trying to do damage control by saying that no, Sidious isn’t Anakin’s father and Rey and Ben are not second cousins, but they’re still being mysterious about it and “oh well it COULD be this--” so now there’s just more fans who are digging into that theory just because they don’t like Reylo and I don’t really care for the ship either but I really HATE the entire “Born of the Dark” concept for reasons I can explain more separately, so I’m pissy at that particular comic for spawning it.  I know it’s petty but I do.

EU-wise, well, this is gonna be unpopular too, cuz I haven’t read most of the EU stuff, and from what I’ve heard of it, there doesn’t seem to be much that I WOULD like.  The movie novelizations all seem good, but everything else???  “Obi Wan prequels but guess what, he had a shitty childhood too!” uh, no thanks, the rest of his life sucks enough, I want to see him happy.  “Mandalorian worldbuilding, but they’re all a bunch of stoic, overpowered badasses who are Good At Everything And Better Than Literally Everyone and the plot bashes the Jedi left right and center!” ehhhhhhhh pass.  “What happened after Return of the Jedi, except the Skywalkers still don’t get a happy ending because the galaxy goes to war again, Han and Leia’s son turns evil, Luke Suffers, and Palpatine comes back again!” nah, that sounds too depressing-- oh wAIT :) :) :)(at least the EU actually lets Han and Leia grow old and happy together okay okay that’s enough sequel salt for one day)

19. Outfit

FAVE:  Everything Padmé Amidala wears in the movies.  No I will not narrow it down.  I am in love with her whole wardrobe and I want it. 

 I also love the standard Jedi tunics and tabards and cloak (c’mon, the cloak completes the picture!)  It’s just such a signature and unique look that’s supposed to combine medieval European knight tunics and samurai warrior clothing and just the #aesthetic is oof, just wonderful.

Also Sabine Wren’s armor and its various paint jobs.  It’s just so uniquely her and bright and beautiful and badass in all its stages and yes good I like it.

Also Lando Calrissian’s cloaks!  Swooshy and colorful and good!  I love cloaks!  

LEAST FAVE:  Gonna go with my petty, silly ones first, and those are all of Padmé Amidala’s outfits that are only seen in the The Clone Wars TV show (so not the ones that were based off of movie costumes).  Eh, actually three of them were nice, her orange outfit she visits Mina in, her white casual housedress, and her black slinky Clovis dress.  All of her other series-only outfits made me highkey pissy because they were either A.) Wrong for the situation she was in, B.) Defied the laws of physics and should not have held the shape they did/stayed on her body, or C.) just plain UGLY (the highest crime of all), and for the animators to have the audACITY to put any of those things in the mere vicinity of the most stylish woman in the galaxy is an insult to Padmé, an insult to ME, and an insult to Star Wars as a whole (yes, I am mostly joking, but come on!).  No, I will not give the designers the excuse of clothing being difficult and expensive and time consuming to animate because I have SEEN the fancy, PRETTY outfits of the other ladies of Padmé’s status on the show.  Everything Satine Kryze wore was intricately beautiful as all hell and I loved it.  Riyo Chuchi’s two outfits were lovely and fashionable.  Heck, I’m pretty sure I liked Mina Bonteri’s outfit too.  There were tons of people on that show with stylish clothing!  How hard would it have been for the animators to remember Padmé doesn’t wear exposed midriffs on official government business?  That dresses with no sides or back cannot be sleeveless or they will not stay up?  Not give her hairstyles that looked like either a goddam tuning fork or like Jimmy Neutron’s mother?  That beige jumpsuits are BORING and adding a mauve vest is NOT enough to make it exciting!!!! xD xD xD 

Aight, now in more seriousness, I also hated both of Ahsoka’s outfits in the original TCW show.  Enough people have spoken on why sending a fourteen year old into an active warzone in a tube top and miniskirt is a BAD IDEA, but like it just makes me extra mad when you remember her older and more experienced at Not Getting Pulverized Masters were both in full concealing robes and chest and shoulder and shin armor, so you can’t even pass it off as Jedi not getting hurt as easily.  Her updated outfit was only slightly an improvement because her Masters STILL got at least fully covering robes and arm bracers, while Ahsoka still had her entire back exposed, leg holes exposing valuable arteries and stuff, and a goddam boob window that basically signals “shoot me here”.  Look, I know the animators goofed, and I know how they have learned from it because from Rebels on, they never show her as improperly covered for battle, in the new TCW season both outfits are cute and practical too, but seeing her running around in her red outfits actively impeded and took me out of my watching experience because I was cringing over her having a lack of protection, that it made her that much more vulnerable to injury.

Finally just gotta give a standard raised finger to the Slave Leia Bikini.  Carrie Fisher hated it so I do too.

[noccalula-writes]

What are your favorite games and franchises? Top 5?

OH BOY have I got feelings on this subject. 

Please keep in mind - I’m a storyteller and a writer. I fucking /love/ a good story. I DM a DnD game and my biggest weakness is that I don’t often include enough combat because I am so much more interested in telling a story. So for me, there’s got to be an emotional investment for a game to really land. I also hyperfixate like a motherfucker so I often refuse to pick up new things purely because there’s not enough space in my head for them at the time, so I’m slow getting to things as they come out. 

So, I’m first and foremost a survival horror bitch. I cut my teeth on Parasite Eve before I played any others - my mother scrimped and saved and fought her way through Wal-mart back in like 1998 to get me the original Playstation gaming console and Tekken 2 (which was my first PS game, I played it in an arcade near her barber shop as a child - Tomb Raider 2 was my second). The old Playstation discs at that time came with demos for different games, including Metal Gear Solid, which I replayed until I could have done it in my sleep because poverty meant I wasn’t likely to get another game anytime soon. I mention this because the Parasite Eve trailer used to give me nightmares but I was super, super hooked. 

I am a huge Silent Hill fan. Huge. That is a tragedy I could write a whole ‘nother post about, because as excited as I am to finally get my hands on Death Stranding (again, poverty, so it’ll be another minute before we can get a PS4), we’ll never get another SH game again unless some major reconciliation happens with Kojima and Konami, which is unlikely (and also hard to hope for - I’m happy Kojima now has the creative freedom to go as balls to the wall as he wants). 

I am an equally huge Resident Evil fan. I’ve always maintained that my first fandom was The X Files, but my wife pointed out a few nights ago that my RE love started around the same time in the late 90′s, so now it’s a chicken and egg kind of thing. Point being, it’s either The or One Of my longest lasting fandoms/interests. RE and Silent Hill get compared to one another a lot - RE7 did nothing to help that - but they really are apples and oranges to me. Fruit, sure, but two totally different tones and experiences. 

I’ve been a huge Tomb Raider fan for forever - my first high school boyfriend was loaded and bought me Angel of Darkness to come play at his house and while it was def critically panned, I do recall enjoying it - so that’s been fun to get those games remade with updated graphics. I’ve only played the one but the others are def on The List. 

So now that I’ve talked for an hour, my Top 5 fave games ever - 

#1 - Resident Evil 3 I am beyond jazzed for this remake, and a lot of people in the 90′s complained about RE3′s lack of clear cut boss battles, but I don’t know what they’re talking about. The entire fucking game is a boss battle - Jill vs. Raccoon City, and of course, Nemesis, who used to give my mother nightmares and caused me to sleep with a leaf-stabber by my bed for years. Jill is far and away my favorite protagonist in RE; she’s got a resilience of the spirit that somehow isn’t conflated with naivety, which is uncommon in ‘nice’ female protags. She’s savvy but she’s still kind, and she’s committed as fuck to survival - not to mention, as zealotous a Chris and Jill shipper as I am, she and Carlos had hella chemistry and I’m excited to see where that goes (JD Pardo would have made a fuck of a Carlos Oliviera, btw). It was An Experience and it’s forever at my #1. 

#2 - The Last of Us 

There is no comparison for emotional weight in video games, as far as I’m concerned. SPOILERS if you don’t already know the ending (this game came out in what, 2014?) but to me one of the biggest thing in the game’s favor is that the protagonist made the wrong choice. He had an option to potentially eradicate the cordyceps fungus and maybe save the world, turn the tides back for humanity, and with the weight of the world in the balance, he chose to save Ellie instead. It was, on a global scale, the wrong choice - but it was the human choice. It was the thing that a dad who never properly grieved his dead daughter would do for the surrogate daughter he inherited by accident. As for Ellie, there is no other character quite like her in games, and she’s fucking quality LGBT representation, especially considering how little we see queer children in media. I still cry every time, we play this game twice a year like clockwork and every single time, I still cry. 

#3 - Silent Hill 3 

All of SH’s games will have a special place in my heart - and if you wanna talk shit about Downpour, I’ll meet you in the Denny’s parking lot at 11, you better square the fuck up because I will defend Murphy with fists - but 3 is the best, hands down. I felt like it did the best job of streamlining the series’ ... uhm... somewhat complicated lore into something more understandable. SPOILERS: The villains are horrific - the Missionaries strike fear into my heart every time I play, and Claudia eating a miscarried god fetus to become god herself? Fucked up on a level you rarely see. I suppose if you didn’t catch it in the last sentence - your protag Heather vomits up a fetal god late in the game. Yes, you read that right. The best thing about this game though? Heather. I could climb up my feminist soapbox and talk about Heather as a subversion to video game tropes all fucking day - she’s a nonsexualized teenage girl whose father is killed for her character development. She’s self-sufficient, tough but still vulnerable, and hard as nails in a fight. As I might have mentioned a time or six, she also voluntarily aborts a god because Fuck Your Plans, She’s Got Her Own. 

#4 - Final Fantasy X 

Listen. I don’t know how much of this is because of actually enjoying playing the game and how much of it is emotional attachment. As most of you who follow me know, my mother died when I was sixteen. When I was about fourteen, I dated a rich kid who used to bring his PS2 to our very not-rich house and play games for us to watch - the sort of neophyte version of Watching Guys Play Videogames, if you will, which is another rant for another time. He got a Gamecube specifically so I could play RE Zero and Hunter The Reckoning. He was a neckbeard but he was also desperate to keep me from ditching so he did the smart thing and plied my very poor ass with money and food. The #1 game in the watching roster, though, was FFX - and if you know anything about the game, you know how heavily spirituality features into the story. My mother, very caught up in a very Eastern Philosphy Meets Quantum Physics internal seeking about the nature of things, was hooked from the word Go. She used to sit and watch Trey play for hours - we all did, but having her join us and love it that much? Wonderful. Half my memories of this game are both of us crying - crying when Yuna dances to send the souls, crying when Yuna reveals she’s on a suicide mission, crying when she and Tidus fall in love anyway, crying when she sends her Aeons to die in the final fight, crying over ‘the fayts are waking up’, crying when the big reveal about Auron comes up, crying crying crying. My wife bought it in 2011 and I watched her play through it again and while it suffers from the same issue as all FF games - too much filler and weird battle scenarios - it was cathartic. I miss my mom. 

#5 - Resident Evil 6 

Eat my entire ass. You already knew this was coming. I will defend this game to my grave for the fact that we have complex, interesting narratives surrounding female characters who have actual personalities. Was it perfect? No. Did it take RE out of horror territory and move it more into action? Woefully, yes. Is this series deeply problematic for where it chooses to set down your mostly-white protags and have them kill their way through? Big time. Don’t gloss those facts. But it’s got emotional punch in spades and a few weird character breaks that ended up being kind of brilliant - Chris has been so resiliently relentless in his fight against bioterrorism that a major PTSD break was inevitable. Leon would of course risk life and limb to help Helena, even though she implicated herself in something terrible. The icing on the cake to me was a grown up Sherry Birkin, wide eyed and believing like hell in the fight she thought she was on the right side of and getting knocked down only to get back up. Ada’s entire side campaign was brilliant. I hate some of the control choices they made in this game - the running from the Haos scenes near the end of Chris and Piers’ campaign makes me want to eat my own fist - but so it goes with most RE games (until RE4, moving your protag was like driving a tank). Jake and Sherry are My Unsinkable Ship. There are at least six scenes across this game that never get easier to watch - when the bomb hits the city and the cut scene of the mass infections begin, I still get sick to my stomach - and that, to me, is the mark that this game struck a hell of a chord in terms of storytelling. 

This was long.