#and i barely ate today. not on purpose. it just didnt happen. so i was withering where i stood it was so fucking bad

[coelakanths]

i miss my girlfriend

[fizzingwizard]

today i had a big work event which we found out yesterday would mean no lunch break... a few min to grab a snack around 11 is all there was and even that was barely there bc there was so much to do. i made sure to eat some bread in the morning but still was sooo hungry by 3 which is when they said we’d have our break... but it ended up being 3:15... and then effectively 3:30 bc of the packing/cleaning up time ;_; i had a bit of rice then. a few of my coworkers went out but the rest of us lit just passed out in a classroom until 4 buhahaha.

anyway i was so exhausted and hungry so for dinner i went to saizeriya and planned to order like 2000 yen worth of food. saizeriya is hella cheap which is why i like it so this means i was darn hungry haha. i got my fav peas with egg and pecorino (also good with asparagus but i didnt see it on the menu this time) and a small margherita pizza. also ordered two lamb kebabs but they never appeared. wasnt charged for them though and in the end decided i was pretty full after the peas and pizza and besides i wanted french toast for dessert. so i guess my eyes were bigger than my stomach.

... it’s also not impossible that the wait staff purposely “forgot” the lamb kebabs because they were like “why is one woman ordering this much food no way she can eat it” lol. I once got sick at an okonomiyaki restaurant and the waitress looked me in the eye and said “perhaps you ate too much?” lmao.

also on the menu is a glass of wine for 100yen. are you KIDDING. it is probably not good wine, but i can’t tell lmao. I love red wine and have no discernment about quality so 100yen for a glass of red wine couldn’t have been more perfect for me.

however i am now tipsy. yup from ONE measly glass of wine. im sure its in combo with how tired i am but yeah i was meandering a little on the way home xP also it has been probably a full year since i last had wine, and before that possibly even longer. yeah i do love it, but i dont drink alone, this was very rare for me and pretty much completely bc i wanted to try 100yen wine lol. and when i go out to drink with friends i usually get a cocktail (cassis orange or fuzzy navel). i drink wine mostly if there are no cocktails on offer or if i’m staying in with someone bc wine is more likely to be on hand than a cocktail. and i do prefer wine with pasta. but because of the pandemic and all i just havent gone out much in the past few years so not much wine drinking has happened.

so i never had much tolerance to begin with and now even that little ledge is toast apparently bahahaha

im just a little buzzed tho, it’ll probably mean i fall asleep soon, but that’s good. because i am hella tired. what a day what a week what a year. however. upside: i am on vacation now. yaaaaaay. gonna SLEEP ALL MONTH LONG

[heresathreebee]

No Touching

[Ava Starr x Female!Reader]

Summary: Friend dates with Ava always brighten your day (and night). Tonight is more enlightening than brightening, though… 

Previous Masterlist Next

Word count: 1.7 words

Warning(s): 14+ | angst, gay panic, dolls, 1 (one) racist antique, Steven Segal movie, chronic pain, tears.

AN: No actually I didn't bother to edit this, not doing that anymore, I think too much as it is. As always, I write with a black reader in mind but feel free to read even if you aren't. 🖤

You are eighty percent sure that you and Ava are dating.

85%... 78%... 81.5% sure.

It would probably be best if you cleared that up (but be cool about it though). You've started seeing each other more and more, and on purpose no less. Never a dull conversation, she's reluctant to share some of her life story but she's eager to know everything about you and you're more than happy to indulge. It's not like you know nothing about her; you just don't know the specifics of her past. 

Her parents died when she was young, she's ex-military (you think?), and she just came off of a huge life change and is getting used to what she calls 'real life.' You figure out she's a bit of a shut in and hates crowds, so you go out of your way to show her quiet places and introduce her to things she's never tried before. The bowl by your front door where you put your keys has 20 or 30 marbles from ramune bottles in it. You can't seem to ring her secret out of her, she just gives you this cryptic knowing smile and laughs at your attempts to sweet talk or annoy it out of her. 

You feel so close, growing closer still, she's quickly become the best part of your week, and you catch yourself thinking about her even when she's not with you. But you've never held hands. Hell, you've never even so much as brushed shoulders with her by accident. If you're dating, shouldn't you at least hug her goodbye? Is she even able to be into you like that?? 

You try not to let the panic set in as you stand outside of the antiques mall. You told her you liked old things and promised to show her your favorite pastime. God, how do you go about this? Should you just flirt with her and see how she reacts? Also how does one flirt? What if you’re fucking up and she really just wants to be friends? God knows you could use some friends right now. 

When she does appear, you do nothing. You continue to act relaxed and enjoy her presence, promising yourself you’ll ask about it afterwards. Ava’s wearing that grey jacket again made of a thin sports fabric and you make a mental note it might rain today. 

“Ava,” you stage whisper, waving her out of the jewelry section by the front desk and into the maze of vintage old clothes and furniture. “Back here, to the left.” 

Deep deep deep in a corner of the massive store, Ava stops dead in her tracks (you run into her but back away quickly) and stares. 

“This... is…” Ava covers her mouth with her hands to hold her laughter in, “ghastly.” 

The shelf is wide, with dark wood trimming and protective glass. The lights are almost fluorescent as they illuminate dozens of humanoid dolls. Some are cute, but some are also creepy, unnerving, down right scary. 

You point at the one with the Jonbenet Ramsey likeness and deep cracks in her porcelain face. It was overly large compared to the rest, having to have stuffed legs crossed like a sitting child. "I think I fear that one the most." 

You felt Ava shiver and didn't even realize you were standing that close. Her eyes darted from face to face, taking in every terrible and wonderful detail of them. You smelled coconut in her hair and tried to distance yourself a bit, missing the conversation. "Huh?" 

"I said they're haunted, aren't they?" 

"That one definitely is." You look over the other dolls. "I don't know, I think the rest are kinda cute. 'Cept that one: that one can fuck off straight to hell." 

Down on the second shelf where the light began to struggle in reach belied an offensive porcelain joke. The decoration portrayed an over animated child at play, with oil black skin, fat red lips, and bulbous eyes. This child was dressed in white rags and sucking on a wedge of fruit. Guess which one. Fucking guess, I dare you. 

"It's not even a fucking doll," Ava grumbled. "Why is it here?" 

You leaned in to whisper, "someday, I'm gonna buy that thing just to fucking smash it on the pavement." 

"Oh, what a lovely sound it would make." 

You hum. "I'm not gonna give nobody money for that trash. Can't steal it either, we'd never make it to the door." 

Ava looked over her shoulder with a cheeky smile. "We?" 

You simply tilt your head at her, and she huffs out a laugh. She nodded as if agreeing with you, then drifted away from the case like a wary woman. You toured through the rest of the store like a treasure trove of other people's memories, war memorabilia, ancient brand merchandise (why would anyone want a life size green m&m in their house? Who is this for?), and paintings from the dadeism era by unpopular artists. You ate lunch at the vendor shops in downtown and retired to your place for a movie. 

You must have fallen asleep at the beginning but you came to during some big shootout between Steven Segal and generic Latino drug dealer #7 when you accidentally dropped your hand into Ava's lap. Quickly, Ava withdrawals, thrusting herself to the other side of the couch as if in disgust. Your head jerks up in hurt and confusion, you hadn't even felt anything except a light tingling. You could barely hear the tv audio over the sound of blood rushing in your ears. 

"You can't touch me," Ava spat. "You just can't. Ever. Please…" 

"I'm sorry. Ava, I– I am so, so sorry I didn't mean to–" 

"It's not your fault and you didn't know," she mumbled and faltered, "it's just… you can't." 

You feel tears prick in the corner of your eyes as you try to swallow. "I'm sorry. Really. It won't happen again." 

Ava looked up at you guiltily and sighed. She folded her legs and eased herself off of the couch arm rest, hands tucked into her lap and unable to meet your eyes anymore. 

"It's not what you think it is," she explained. "I… I have a condition of sorts. And it… it hurts.” 

Her words put a hold on the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. “Like a… skin condition? Or nerves or something?” 

Ava nodded quickly. “Yes. yes, like a nerves thing. My um, my nervous system. It's chronic."

“Oh Ava,” you cover your heart with a breathy sigh, “of course! I wish I’d known I would have never–” 

“It’s not something I like to talk about.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m really glad you understand. Sorry I freaked out, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or anything.” 

You tried to blow a raspberry. “It’s whatever, didn’t hurt my feelings.” 

Yeah, you could hear the weakness of the lie, too. Still, Ava went and parked herself on the couch exactly where she was before– close but not too close. Warm but not quite touching. You were ready to let it slide and go right back to pretending to watch the movie when– 

“So what’s going on between us exactly? I like girls– I like you– and I don’t mean just in a friend sort of way– is it maybe sorta possible you might feel the same way about me?” 

Who said that? You? Honestly you’re feeling a little dizzy as you try and stare a hole in the tv screen. And Ava? Well at least she didn’t hold you in suspense for too long. She chuckled– and god you had to look. You had to know if she was laughing at you or with you. Your eyes snapped to her completely unmocking face. 

She blinked at you, bit her lip even. “Yes, I am.. Capable of liking girls. Might prefer them actually. And I definitely like you in a more-than-a-friend sort of way.” 

It takes a second to sink in. OK, it takes a hot minute to sink in. Like the movie ended and you walked Ava home and you slept in until 10 am and made omelettes for breakfast at noon and laid down on your floor staring at the ceiling until sundown. Yeah that kind of hot minute. And your lips curled into a soft smile because you had a girlfriend and she liked girls and you could not be happier than you are right now. 

~

Ava asked you to meet her on the corner by the antiques mall that night. You don’t know how but she got her grubby, thieving little mitts on that disgusting tar baby doll from the haunted doll shelf. You made her swear up and down she didn’t pay real money for it, then nearly pulled out your hair when you realized it meant she definitely stole it and– 

"How the ffffUCK do you just DO that?!" 

"Slight of hand," she mused. 

Fuck, and she was a geek. Yeah, you're definitely in love. She pushes the ugly thing into your hands and despite being cold porcelain it feels like it's burning. 

"Do the honors." 

There's no build up. No ceremony. You don't want to drag this out anymore. You take a swinging leap and spike that shit and watch it shatter into a hundred pieces with the most glorious sound you'll ever hear. You land in slow motion, already replaying the image of thick glass pieces cracking on the indigo pavement. You stand over your mess, triumphant. 

The quiet of the night time street drifts back to you, as does Ava. "I'll be honest I expected a big speech." 

You shrug. "I've been waiting too long to do that. Thank you, Ava. I mean it." 

"Oh believe me it was my pleasure." Ava swaggers closer to you and if you didnt know better you'd think she was going in for a kiss. "Tonight, the tar baby. Tomorrow, the world." 

You resist the urge to clap her on her shoulders and throw your hands in the air instead. "Sounds like a date!" 

Next

[brelione]

Just Wanna Be Happy (Pope HeywardxReader)

Warnings:Mentions of self harm,depression,medication,suicide.Please do not read if youre triggered by these topics.This wasnt written to glamorize mental illness this is kind of just my coping mechanism because I just got out of a depressing period.Depression effects people differently but this fanfic has ways that its effected me so yeah.

You had never been a very social person.Or a friendly person or even a happy person.You kind of just existed without purpose or reason.Its not like you didnt want to be happy because of course you did.It just wasnt something that could come naturally to you in your everyday life.It was summer and you had hardly left your house at all.Most time was spent in your room.It had been days since you had showered or brushed your hair or even changed your clothes.You hadnt done you laundry in weeks or eaten a proper meal in days.You were an absolute mess since you had stopped taking your medication.You didnt know why but you just couldnt bring yourself to take them anymore.You felt guilty for not replying to any of your friends messages.

“Hey :) do you wanna hang out with us tomorrow?”Read Tuesday 9:48 PM. “Hey have you been taking your meds?Your mom wanted me to check up on you :)”Read at 1:48 PM today.

Your mom was staying with family in California this summer to work on a book.She would transfer ten dollars to your bank account everyday.You hadnt spent any of it.She had sent you countless texts to ask how you were doing or if you had gotten your refill.Your skin was dull from not seeing the sun,the hair on your legs had grown long and prickly and you smelt like absolute shit.You heard a knock at your door,the sound echoing through your empty house.You worked up the strength to get up,dragging your feet as you walked.You felt dizzy and nauseous as you walked,couldnt even feel your feet touching the ground.Your kitchen was an absolute mess,frying pan with maple syrup stuck to it and the sink full of dirty smelling dishes.You opened the door,blocking your eyes from the sun to see Pope.

He let out a sigh of relief,pulling you into a hug. “God (Y/N)!You cant do that!Jesus,I thought you died.”He sighed,squeezing you tightly.You didnt bother hugging back,letting your head rest against him. “I was getting worried about you-its been like two weeks since you’ve talked to me.”He grumbled,pulling away from the hug and observing your face.You had a couple of pimples across your forehead from not washing your face,your skin was splotchy and your eyes puffy. “Have you been taking your meds?”He asked.You didnt answer,watching as he walked over to the cabinet to pull out the orange pill bottle.It was still half full.He looked at the date that it was supposed to be refilled.Two days ago. “You have to take these every day!”He exclaimed.You sighed,not really caring.THis wasnt what you needed to hear right now.You didnt exactly know what you needed to hear but that was definitely not it.

 “When was the last time you showered?”He asked.You shrugged,not remembering.All the days had merged together.You slept a lot even when you didnt need it.The only time you really got up was to use the bathroom or vomit into your trash bin. “And the last time you ate?”He asked.You mumbled that you werent sure,embarrassed that someone had seen you in this state.He turned on your shower,letting the room get steamy from the hot water.He went into your messy room,making his way through the piles of crumpled paper and dirty clothing to your dresser.He grabbed you a new pair of underwear,a sportsbra,a loose t shirt and some comfy looking shorts.He assisted you in getting your hair out of the bun it was in,letting the snagglt knots loose. “I’m going to make you some food,okay?”You nodded.He closed the bathroom door.

You pulled off your dirty clothes,nearly gagging at the smell of yourself.You stepped into the shower,letting the burning hot water touch your back and head.You poured a fistfull of conditioner in your hair to try and help with the knots.You sat down,closing your eyes and letting the conditioner rinse out.You poured at least a fourth of the bottle of shampoo into your hair,scrubbing your scalp aggressively.You used the suds from the shampoo to wash under your arms and your back.You used the same suds in replacement of shaving cream to shave your legs only up to your knee.The water was going cold but you didnt care,laying down and letting the water smack your stomach.Pope knocked at the door before opening it. “(Y/N)?You okay?”He asked.You sat up,eyes still shut as you turned off the water. “I made you some frozen waffles.”He informed you before closing the door again.

You waited until all of the water went down the drain until you stood up,slowly stepping onto the bath mat.At least you didnt smell so disgusting now.What really worried you was brushing your hair out mostly because you knew it would hurt and half your hair would most likely fall out.You grabbed a towel,rubbing down your body.You had some faded scars on your thighs and calves but none on your wrist.Mainly because you knew no one would check your legs.It had been five months since you harmed yourself and you were proud.You probably would’ve relapsed eventually if you were even able to work up the energy to do it.You groaned as you saw the pimples on your face,grabbing your face wash that you hadnt used in so long.You scrubbed your face,rinsing the soap off and patting your skin dry.

You looked back up at the mirror.You could barely recognize yourself.You looked like a deformed radiation exposed raccoon.You saw the clothes Pope had picked for you,pulling them on over your damp skin.You slowly brushed your teeth,blood leaking from your gums as you did so.You dragged yourself out of the bathroom,the cold air of the kitchen hitting you.Pope wa sitting at your kitchen table.A plate of eggos sat on a paper plate,a cup of water sitting in front of it. “I’ll go grocery shopping for you later.”He offered as you sat down.You shook your head. “No...its fine.”You answered as you stared down at the plate. “You dont have anything to eat here.Let me go grocery shopping and cook for you.”He spoke softly,taking a pill from your prescription bottle and holding it in his palm.

 “Can you please eat so you can take this?”He asked.You took a bite of the eggo,wanting nothing more than to spit it out into the garbage.You chewed it to mush and swallowed,looking back at him. “Good.”He handed you the pill. “I dont want to take this.”You told him.He sighed,nodding. “I know,I know you dont but it’ll make you feel better.”He told you.You dipped your head back,dropping the pill in your mouth and sipping the water. “All I want is to be happy….why is that so much to ask for?”You grumbled,looking down at your cup.He reached out for your hand,rubbing his thumb along your palm. “You’ll be happy one day.If you take your medicine and make your environment better you’ll feel better.”He had probably read that bullshit in some book.You rolled your eyes. “What does that even mean?”You asked.You placed his hand over yours,tapping his nails against your fingertips. “Just let me take care of you until your mom gets back,alright?”He asked.You hummed,too tired to argue.

He grabbed your hairbrush and a bottle of detangler from your bathroom and got to work on your hair.It didnt hurt too bad and he was careful with your hair almost like it was precious gold. “Do you wanna watch a movie?”He asked.You shrugged but followed him to your living room.It was the one room besides your mothers that you hadnt completely fucked up.He went on Disney Plus and allowed you to flick through the titles until you found something you liked.You chose Inside Out.He grinned at you,kissing your forehead before disappearing into your room.He picked up the clothes off your floor and assumed they were dirty,tossing them into your washing machine.

He stuffed your trash bin full of all the paper and random trash on your floor.He grabbed the stacks of plates,forks and molding mugs from you floor and on top of your dresser.He did a load of dishes,switching your clothes from your washer to your dryer.You had fallen asleep on the couch with the movie still on.He made your bed for you,killing a few bugs that had been hiding under all of the trash.He called his dad. “Pope?You okay?” “mhm..yeah.Um...im gonna be away from home for a while.” “What-no the hell you’re not.” “Dad-” “No-what am I gonna do with all these grocery deliveries?” “Dad-Its (Y/N).” Silence. “Is she….uhh..” “No-no.She’s been off her meds and i think someones gotta be here to take care of her while her moms out of town.” “Alright...just be careful with her.”The call ended.Pope sighed as he looked at your room.It was much much cleaner now that he was done with it.

He sat down on the couch next to your sleeping figure,paying attention to the movie in front of him.You sat up tiredly,wrapping your arms around his torso and moving him so you could rest your head on his tummy. “I think thats whats happening to me.”You spoke,gesturing to the TV.Joy and Sadness had just left the headquarters which left only fear,anger and disgust.He nodded,understanding what you were trying to tell him. “Maybe.”He replied.You sighed,tracing circles onto his skin through his shirt. “I wanna learn how to be happy...it might take a while but I just wanna be happy,you know?”You asked.He hummed,moving his arms so he was holding you. “I’ll help anyway I can.”He promised,stroking your hair lightly.

[chasethesun18]

50 questions you’ve never been asked

tagged by @goddess-clarke​ 🥰

What is the colour of your hairbrush? purple and black

Name a food you never eat? seafood and red meat

Are you typically too warm or too cold? i used to be too cold all the time and then i went through a time where i was too hot and now im back to somewhere in the middle but mostly cold. my fingers turn blue a lot lolol

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? mm so i just watched the premier of blindspot s5 and it is now dead to me and i will be forgetting this episode happened and not continuing the season. so ive spent the last hour trying to erase the ep from my memory and cheer myself up. its not working so now im answering 50 questions. as one does.

What is your favourite candy bar? oh i don't know. it changes. i really like peanut m&ms and york patties

Have you ever been to a professional sports event?  professional...maybe? i think i’ve possibly been to a pro baseball. im from the south and we dont do pro we only do college. ive been to..idk hundreds on hundreds of those

What is the last thing you said out loud? told my mom i loved her. cause im cute like that.

What is your favourite ice cream? i like vanilla with a lot of toppings. but also coffee and mint chocolate chip 

What was the last thing you had to drink? im drinking cherry vanilla coke zero. yes its 11:42pm. dont judge me.

Do you like your wallet? yeah its cute. its little and red 

What was the last thing you ate? salad with chicken (oo she healthy)

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? yeah no. i haven't bought new clothes in forever. actually got into an argument with my mom about that today

The last sporting event you watched? BEFORE SPORTS WERE CANCELLED YOU MEAN????? baseball. 

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? ....popcorn has flavors? idk salt?

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my sister. about said blindspot premier. she's writing a book and considering killing off one of the characters and i told her i didn't want someone to get to the end of her book and wish she hadn't read it which is how i feel about blindspot rn

Ever go camping? i do, my major is parks and rec so im a ~big outdoors girl~ but im actually more into the historical preservation side of things and i dont really like camping but i have been dragged into it bc of my major

Do you take vitamins? no but i take a shit ton of medication. y'all didnt need to know that srry.

Do you go to church every Sunday? yes. before that got cancelled too. its fine.

Do you have a tan? i do! super proud of it. its the beginning stages

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza i hate chinese food

Do you drink your soda with a straw? yes

What colour socks do you usually wear? white

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? ....ok does anyone follow the exact speed limit? come on. ive never gotten a ticket tho

What terrifies you? a lot of things. small spaces. bugs. heights but only sometimes. losing a loved one. change. im an anxious person ok

Look to your left, what do you see? a wall (these are entertaining answers im serving yall)

What chore do you hate? vacuuming. GOSH I HATE IT. idk why but it pisses me off every time. i think its cause it makes me sweat and like why should i have to SWEAT from vacuuming? its so loud too i can't listen to music while i do it

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? g’day mate

What’s your favourite soda? coke zero or dr pepper

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru unless the drive-thru is too long and then it defeats the purpose of going for fast food so i go in

Who’s the last person you talked to? my mom

Favourite cut of beef? i dont eat red meat :P

Last song you listened to? holding on and letting go - ross copperman (tvd forever)

Last book you read? my major is reading heavy and my minor (history) is even more reading heavy. i had a history class this semester where i had to read 6 books in their entirety so that's the last thing i read. i havent read for fun since i started college lol. but i do still read fanfic and that counts

Favourite day of the week? friday. its the anticipation of the weekend without the disappointment of the weekend

Can you say the alphabet backwards? lol no

How do you like your coffee? if i make it myself i like it with creamer and splenda. if i get it out i like sugar free vanilla lattes with nonfat milk (yes im a basic bitch I KNOW. i also take a sip and if it tastes wrong i go ‘um excuse me is this the nOn FaT MiLk’ like im literally that bitch)

Favourite pair of shoes? aesthetically ive got some bomb heels but i havent had the occasion to wear those in a long time

The time you normally go to bed? before all this 11-1. now idk time is just a construct 

The time you normally get up? ..before all this 8/9 depending on what time my class was. now i force myself to get up around 9/10. i dont naturally wake up. if i dont set an alarm i will sleep until 1pm

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? i like both but i havent seen many sunrises bc i dont wake up. so sunset

How many blankets on your bed? twooo

Describe your kitchen plates: the ones at my parents house are just plain white and the ones in my apartment are plain green. wow im plain.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? so ya girl just turned 21 !!!! and no, im not a big fan. it all tastes like cough syrup. help.

Do you play cards?. my family does sometimes. i think its boring

What colour is your car? dark grey. her name is the black pearl. shes not black tho....

Can you change a tire? no but ive never tried

Your favourite province? ok this question is gonna show my ignorant american side and i dont want it to soooo

Favourite job you’ve ever had? i used to work at this place that did mommy and me music classes. i taught the one that was a drop off class called school skills so it was like k5 for 3-4 yrs old

How did you get your biggest scar? i dont have many scars. i have one above my eye from falling backwards into a rocking chair lol

What did you do today that made someone else happy? i dont know, honestly. i feel like im barely interacting with people. i ran errands with my mom and i think that made her happy...but she was in a bad mood so hard to tell lolol

anyway, this was fun and now im not thinking about that show. crap now im thinking about it. UGH.

tagging: @hpfangirl13 @amazalina @dorisquinn @rebel-belles @vivianelynne20 @modernlifehistorian (i know you're there) @sherlolly-siya @fromiftowhen

[all-of-your-mercy]

I’ve been juggling between two sides of the coin but rather them being my negative and positive temparemtns (moods), and I think I really couldn’t physically function except for finals because I already went so far to go through with this i thought i would have an elaborate “essay” or post thing detailing why i practically made myself non existent and seemed like i was gone gone/if not dead (with 2 ppl kind of helping my mental stability as much as they can/able to/bc playing a therapist issnt a focus to them and i dont want it to be like that), but I really don’t have the energy for that either because all was just wasted on problems that just drowned me from wanting to do anything at all

i have been having a pretty big identity crisis and sense of purpose and,. honestly i was <> this close just to starting over completely with people, etc etc and such because i just didn’t want myself to go through long periods of time and end up scarying some ppl just because i barely made a skid mark/trace of existence for some days even tho i really didn’t feel like it was a lot and i thought it was just 3 days at best, but then i saw the distance between some exams and then i was like oh

under this i will just say briefly what exactly messed with me this time and still does and it’s just. making me randomly dysfunctional or just working 50/50 all the time (having this before the keep reading bcs its important and u can avoid reading the stuff later:) i still feel somewhat fake for even saying this, because at the same day, i will actually feel really good and have a great day or eat something nice or enjoy the weather, but then this happens in such fool force that i feel like this is normalcy to not have something in between, but instead to different side of the coins that decide for you how you will feel today, or how you will feel later/sooner in the day i still dont have energy to talk rlly and im just writing this because i am a scaredy cat ats best, and i just dont want to talk to ppl right now a lot because i really wont say much or just will do small talk and really just do nothing. i am not trying to vague post but its incredibly hard rn so take this with a grain of salt and understand that im just like this right now and i would rather be like this + boozed up so i dont really have to think about thigns right now as much i dont have the energy to do problem solving

trigger warnings in the tags and dont look w curiosity and trigger yourself if those things aren’t okay for you to read into

- i have been working v hard not to get an eating disorder/starve myself because i cant be patient for future results of weight loss, so sometimes i had time where i would rely on my forgetfullness not to eat but it didnt really work out because of finals and i felt much worse during one of them that i just had to eat something before i gave in and sorta. just keep thinking about it but i strive not to and already sorta ate properly so theres a chance itll be gucci eventually - i am having an identity crisis that i just really have a hard time knowing myself really. the least/last thing i could say is that i could call myself red, thats it. i dont know if i am trans, or a female, or a man, or nb, or anything else. its hard to be decivisive of this when people like you for when you are that fits their want, or the opposite ... or those ppl who dont care but you still feel like some ‘‘‘‘trender’‘‘ for not knowing about sort of things right away. i already juggled between being okay female and then not, then saying i am trans, and then not being one, and then rinse and repeat. im trying to currently scramble an idea that could have some middle ground and one that wouldnt make me do body changes yet because i dont know if i can commit to something like transitioning because i am scared that i just had such poor image that i hoped to be otherwise or something along the lines - my self image is already poor but it has gone poorer, to the point that i really feel just ill looking at myself lately, even more so if i look into the right side of my face and just see the type of proportions/facial structure that i really dont want to own to begin with - i did go through some stuff when i was an older teen -- and i thought i would adapt to them when i was older because its been years now and i am perfectly safe from of that event happening again. lately i have been hearing things i dont want about a thing or two about someone and the more its mentioned the more i just want to cut off my chest // since i am bio female and just want to actually yell till i have a sore throat (??)

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

I Hate You, Kim Taehyung! (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)

A/N: I hope this still turns out into what all of you wanted since its many similar requests jumbled into one. Hehe. And as for the last two anon, I dont know if this can be considered as badboy Tae but I hope it works and I think all my Tae's fics has a touch of angst in it but mostly all of it has a happy ending. So I hope you will still like this ♡♡

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here. if anyone here like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

MASTERLIST

"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate you Kim Taehyung!" Y/N screamed out as loud as she can as she sat sprawled down on the floor with seven years of costumes strewn all over her. She can shout as loud as she can and no one would say anything, seeing how its almost 4 am and she is the only one left in the building. Of course, her late night over time is thanks to none other than the charming Kim Taehyung.

When she first got offered the job as the junior stylist for BTS, she thought luck has finally shined down on her. That her days of making one cup of instant noodle last for the whole day is long gone. Little did she know that by accepting this job, she is cashing in a one way ticket to hell. A hell that is ruled by a handsome devil known as Kim Taehyung.

Well, not that she thinks he's handsome, but he is obviously not bad looking. He didnt win the most handsome face in the world for two times in a row for nothing, right?

But what good is his face if all he ever do is pick on her? Its as if he has developed a personal dislike towards Y/N and Y/N alone. Y/N couldnt understand why everyone keeps on saying that the members are friendly and nice. Well, maybe the other six are, she wouldnt know since shes too scared, embarassed and shy to even look up to their attractive faces, but she can definitely say that Kim Taehyung is the opposite of nice and friendly.

Making sure that Y/N got into trouble every single day seems to be his life mission every since she was assigned as his personal stylist. And incredibly, he even do it in various creative ways too. Saying the material is itchy minutes before stage, when it was perfectly okay during dress rehearsal, which resulted to Y/N needing to whipped out a whole new outfit for him in no time at all, which of course, got her into trouble when the last minute clothes doesnt fit the concept or doesnt match the others, purposely broke a zipper and ripped a button, coming in late for fittings and so many other ways that Y/N cant even understand how he can even come up with it. If only he puts his creativity into making an album and not on ways to get her into trouble, Y/N is sure he will have about 10 solo albums by now.

Like today for instance, Taehyung said his pants for the Idol music shoot is ripped when he received it, resulting in him wearing black pants while the other members wear a matching head to toe suit. No matter how hard Y/N tries to defend herself, saying the pants are perfectly fine when she gave it to him, of course people would believe their darling Kim Taehyung rather than the inexperienced new junior stylist, which resulted in her being stuck in the wardrobe storage room, assigned to reorganized all seven years of BTS' stage costume, according to the month, year and members.  Thanks to the devil, Y/N missed her train to go back to her hometown, and she cant even afford to buy another one.  So here she is, alone in the wardrobe storage room, hanging up their costumes by dates, and all the while cursing Kim Taehyung.

/////

"Oh, how come you are ready early today Tae?" Hoseok looks up from his stylist who is fussing over his shirt to Taehyung who is already impeccably dress.

"I finally had a professional stylist helping me today," Taehyung huffed. "For once, I finally know what it feels like to be ready on time and not have a stylist that makes stupid petty mistakes,"

"No Y/N today?" Hoseok immediately gets what the younger man is babbling about. Its no secret between the seven of them that Taehyung has an issue with the new junior stylist. Taehyung might call it hate, but the other six boys sees something else blooming instead. They just hope Taehyung would see it soon too.

"Off to go back to her hometown or something. I dont really care," Taehyung answered, trying to be nonchalant, making Hoseok lets out a hearty laugh.

"Tae, you of all people know that she didnt make any mistakes. You were the one who purposely created those mistakes for her," Hoseok stated out. Taehyung gasps, pretending as if he is offended that his hyung would accused him of such a thing.

"I did no such thing!" He placed a hand on his chest. "And whose side are you on hyung? You are supposed to be on mine!" Taehyung glares as Hoseok's stylist finishes fussing over his outfit and walks away, not bothering to listen more of their quarrel.

"I'm on the side on love Tae," Hoseok mocks and laughs as he walks away towards the stage. "Loveeee,"

Taehyung huffed. Love? Him? Even worse, him and Y/N?! Not until hell freezes over. Even then, he is still sure it wouldnt happen. Okay, Taehyung is at least man enough to admit to himself, and definitely nobody else, that he did do it on purpose, making life hard for Y/N. But what he himself dont know is why.

Taehyung would like to think its because of hate. But he doesnt hate Y/N. He doesnt have a reason to. They barely exchanged a few words with each other. Annoying? Well maybe. But not in the term of her attitude or anything. It just bothers him how Y/N seems so unaffected working by his side. She didnt even spare him a glance or gave him a look that lingered too long. Hell, she didnt even talk to him unless its absolutely neccessary. It shouldnt bother him,really. He has millions other girls who would willingly be at his beck and call, but from the first moment he saw Y/N bowing excitedly to the managers on her first day, he has set his eyes on her. And it just annoys him to no end that she didnt seem fazed or interested in his presence at all. So annoyance slowly grew into something more and Taehyung is just sure that he hates her now.

At least he hope it is.

Taehyung, all clean and fresh from his shower packs up his bag from the practice room and trotted out of the building. Why is it their cheographer likes to schedule a dance practice after a music stage? Taehyung is exhausted, cranky and definitely hungry right now and all the other boys has went home first, not bothering to wait for him to shower. He picks up his bag and puts on his mask before making the short walk to his favorite restaurant near the company to get some take out and head back to the dorm. He asked his managers to let him be alone today. Sometimes a busy idol needs his personal time too and an evening walk to get some air sounds good to him right now.

He passed by a small street vendor selling tteokbokki along his way. The small shop has been there for years,even before any of them were trainees, and they have never been there again after they debuted and fame catch up with them. Taehyung miss going there but now he just doesnt have a reason to. He used to try to bring one of the girls he casually dated there, but she scrunched her nose and without feeling even a bit guilty or shame asks him "Shouldnt a successful idol like you bring me to 6 star restaurant or something?" Well, lets just say Taehyung did bring her to one of those pretentious restaurant that serves too expensive meals that evening. She was happy, and he was happy too when he spent the night tangling with her between her sheets later that night, and he was definitely happier when he told her it was over while he buttoned back up his shirt after hes done and make his way out of her house, never looking back.

He would usually just pass by, not because he is afraid the customers would recognized him. People who eat there usually dont even give him a glance. But something just caught his eyes today.

Is that Y/N?

What is she doing here? Shouldnt she be back in her hometown or something? Wait, not that he cares. Right? But just as if hes been pulled by a magnetic force, he walks into the small shop and take a seat at one of the back table, hidden. Taehyung reasons to himself that hes just hungry and its been a long time since he ate some street food anyway. Its just cravings. Coming here has nothing to do with Y/N. But why is he always looking at her table, well, he prefer to not think about that.

Nibbling on his rice cakes, his eyes never leaving hers. Watching as she ate and laughs at something shes doing on her phone. Is she texting someone? A boyfriend? A friend? Not that he cares, just a close observation. He watch her smile and talk to the shop owner and some of the old man who are regulars at the store. Shes sounds friendly, polite and it seems she knows how to talk to older people. Taehyung is certain that his eomma and appa would love her if he take her home.

Wait. Where did that thought came from? Taehyung shakes his head, deleting that horrible imagination. There is no way he is introducing her to anybody.

His body reacted automatically. Leaving a handful of won bills on the table and walked a few metres behind her as she said her goodbyes and leave the shop. His hatred for her must have turned him into a stalker, he told himself. He followed her closely and he found himself smiling as he watch her help an old man crossing a busy road. Its hard to find young girls who volunteerily do that nowadays. He saw her skipped along happily on her way to wherever it is shes going, giving a won bill to every beggar she sees. Its obvious she does this everyday as the old beggars seems to be familiar with her. Then she walks into a convenience store and take one cup noodle and a small packet of food,Taehyung cant be sure what. He hides himself between the shelves as she pays and saw how shes counting her shilings from her pocket, sighing.

He scrunched his nose. Doesnt the company pay her enough?

Still curious and becoming more fascinated by what Y/N could possibly be doing, he followed her again until she stops at a secluded part of a park and crouched down. What the hell is she doing now? Is she someone weird? What is she knows hes following her and shes some kind of a mass murderer thats just luring him in?  No way. He is too handsome to die. Y/N started to make a weird sound as in calling someone, or something, Taehyung cant be sure, breaking his horrible thoughts. a After a few minutes of making the strange sound, the bush rustles and a small dirty looking, buy certainly adorable dog came running out from the bush, tails wagging.

Y/N yelp happily when the dog jumped on her and patted its head lovingly.

"Taetae-ah, I'm here. I know I said I wont be here for a few days but I miss my train," she pouts at the dog, which oddly Taehyung found to be extremely cute. "That devil make me miss my train. Aish, I shouldnt have named u after that devil. You are too adorable. He is more of a dog than you ever will be,"

Taehyung chuckle to himself as he comes to a realization from what shes saying. Did she seriously named that stray dog after him? Furthermore, after his cute nickname? And the devil? Is that supposed to be him? She thinks of him as a devil? Is it weird he didnt feel angry at that? Worse, is it weird that he finds this whole thing cutely amusing?

"He purposely made me get punished again. Pd- nim was furious. He cut my allowance and made me come back at 6 am last night," she sighed and keep telling the dog her feelings while petting its head as the dog keeps eating the treat she gave him. "You are my only friend who will listen to me Taetae," Y/N sighed. "I dont have enough money to replace the ticket so I have to tell eomma I couldnt come back for her birthday and she sounded so upset. I hope she wont be mad at me for long. I'm sorry Taetae-ah, but this is all I could give you, I will work hard to earn more money so I can give you more delicious food," she smiles at the dog although it obviously couldnt understand her. "Lets just hope the devil wont make my allowance got cut anymore. Or worse,  get me fired," With that, she stands up and clean her bottom from dust and say goodbye to the dog, promising she will come again the next day.

Taehyung was both fascinated speechless. Fascinated by what he just sees. And speechless by what he just heard. Did he really caused all that?

/////

Things changed after that. Well, not so much since Taehyung still make Y/N's life a living hell. But he would usually excuse himself to get go back home without the boys and followed Y/N. She did the same routine everyday, apparently. Stops by the tteokbokki shop to say hello, which he notice she doesnt eat everyday at, which most probably caused by her lack of income, help the old man cross the road, give some food or change to the beggars, went to the convenience store to get a cup of noodles and dog food and feed Taetae the stray dog.

Its nothing interesting really, just the same thing every day but Taehyung keeps on following her. He actually had fun watching her. Because even after the hell he put her through at work, she will still smile happily and skipped her way down the road. She will then tell about her day to Taetae and as he hides hinself behid the big trees in the park, Taehyung cant help but feels like shes talking to him. Afterall, she did name the dog after him. That must have mean something.

"So thats the concept for this dance. I think you will do a great job in picking out their outfits," Jong Soo, the cheographer that just seems to hate Taehyung very much, always picking on him when Jin is obviously the one doing the wrong moves, tells Y/N. Well, more like flirting with her, with the sly smile and occassional arm touch, and the way he leans against the wall seductively, Taehyung feels like barfing.  It annoys him more that Y/N actually giggles as a respond.

Giggles!

As if what the man is saying is even funny!

"Yeah. Me and the other stylist unnie has some ideas. I just came here to see what exactly are the dance moves," she beams at him.

"You wont be working late tonight right?" Jong Soo gave her a flirtatious smile that makes Taehyung fumed.

"No. Dont worry," she giggles some more. "I'll be on time today,"

"Great. I'll pick you up at 8 alright?" Jong Soo winks and turns back to Hoseok and Jimin, discussing further on the cheography. Taehyung pull his ears, making sure he heard it right. Did Y/N just implied that those two are going out together tonight? Like on a date?! He smirks, an idea rapidly emerging in his head.

Sorry Jong Soo, but Y/N is going to be late tonight.

/////

"Do you know how expensive this is? This is Gucci! GUCCI! Does your simple minded mind even know what Gucci is?!" The senior stylist yelled out at Y/N, steaming with fury as she lifted up the suit jacket that has been quite obviously torn.

"B-but I didnt do it. It was perfectly fine when I put it on Taehyung," Y/N tried to defend herself using whatever courage she has left in front of her fuming supervisor, eyes already glassy with unshed tears. One more scream and Y/N is sure she will burst out crying. Her supervisor huffed.

"Its always wasnt you isnt it? Then whose fault it is? Taehyung?! Why would he ripped his own clothes? Explain to me then!"

"I-I..." Y/N blinked rapidly at the woman in front of her. How can she explained it to her? That Taehyung has an unexplained hatred towards her and he simply does it for his sick enjoyment in seeing her suffer? No one would ever believed it. Not when Kim Taehyung is giving them his big innocent puppy eyes look. Oh please, Y/N knew better. He can fool the others, but not her. She can see his devil horns and pitchfork anytime, that stupid monster from hell. "I really didnt do it..." Y/N mumble in a small voice.

"I dont know what to say Y/N. You have made the same mistakes countless times. Over and over again I gave you a chance. I thought the allowance cut and punishments are enough but apparently it doesnt. I have to report you to the PD. I'm sorry,"

"No please no unnie. I swear I didnt do it! And please. I'll make it right. I-I will come out with another outfit in time for the shoot. Please!" Y/N bowed and begged. If her supervisor report her to the PD, she will lose her job for sure.

"I'm sorry but this mistake is too severe Y/N. This is a sponsored Gucci suit for an advertisement endorsement that Taehyung has to shoot. Theres no such thing as coming out with a new outfit. We need to inform Gucci and apologized. The shoot will be delayed until they sent us a new suit. Do you even know how much trouble you are in?" She huffed. "Stay over at the company tonight and help the makeup artist's unnies to clean their makeup brushes and anything else they need help with, and I dont want to hear any complaints from you," She looks at Y/N before she could even say a word. She can say goodbye to her date with Jong Soo. "You should be lucky this is the only punishment for you and pray that the PD wont ask you to pay back for the ripped suit. I'm really sorry Y/N," her supervisor shot her a sympathetic glanced and walks out, leaving Y/N sniffling alone on the floor.

Y/N was not given anymore styling job for the next two days, only petty things like ironing the discarded clothes or organizing the boys' wardrobe after they are done using it. Y/N knows her days as a stylist at the company are numbered. She can feel it. And true enough, at the end of that second day, she was asked to pack her things and leave the company in 24 hours notice. Too tired to even argue anymore, Y/N nodded and packed her things, but not before stalking off in the practice's room direction where she is going to give Kim Taehyung a piece of her mind.

/////

Taehyung doesnt feel so good. He felt dizzy and extremely exhausted. He is not sure if its because of overworking or he is having a damn fever. He is alone in the practice room, trying to do a few more rounds of that one particular move that he just doesnt seem to get right. He needs to ace it before that bloody Jong Soo gets on his ass again. Trying to overcome his dizziness, Taehyung stand up and get into position, but before he can replay the music, Y/N stormed in.

He wanted to smile at the sight of her but quickly caught himself and puts on his cocky expression instead.

"What are you doing here? This is a practice room and last I check you are just a stylist and stylist dont belong here," he said smugly, not even looking at her direction. Y/N sent him a death glare that he can clearly felt on his back.

"Well, lucky for me that I'm no longer a stylist then,"

Taehyung felt his heart beats faster. What does she meant by that? Did she get fired? Did she quit? Whats going on? But instead of asking what his heart wanted to know, he pushed his curiosity aside and let his ego and pride takes over.

"Oh thank god. Thats good news!" He smirked, gesturing his hand in a grateful manner. "Just between us, you are not a very good stylist. You know, with the ripping and broken zipper and getting your artist late and what not,"

"All of that is not my fault and you know it!" Y/N screamed out. How can this man be so shameless and just pure evil? "I swear! One day people will know that its you who did it!"

"Really now? And who's going to tell all this people? You?" Taehyung lets out a loud sarcastic laugh. "You can try sweetheart but no one will ever believe you,"

"I just didnt think that you would be such an asshole!" Y/N yelled, tears already prickling her eyes.

"An asshole?" Taehyung scoffed and smirks at her. "What big words coming out from a pathethic little girl. I've been called way worse than that sweetheart," he looks at her with eyes full of disgust.

"And thats something to be proud of?" Its Y/N's turn to scoff. "To be called something worse? What kind of a man are you?!"

"A handsome, popular, most sought after one. Definitely better than someone like you," he smirks. "Got any problem with that?"

"What the hell is your problem? Do you even hear yourself right now?! I understand that maybe your conceited ego is blocking you to see the real world around you, but what is your problem with me?! What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so? Why do you feel the need to make my life suffer?" Y/N's chest is heaving up and down heavily from anger, angry tears are already rolling down her cheeks. Seeing her cry did something to Taehyung's heart, but right before he can even answer her, his severe dizziness took over and he fainted onto the groud.

Panic at the sight of the idol fainting in front of her, Y/N come to her senses and tries to get him back to conciousness but failed miserably. He is not dead right? And he is not dead because of her right? Y/N placed his fingers under her nose to checked if he is still breathing and felt relieved wjen his warm breath hits her fingers. She quickly helps him up and place his head on her lap and thats when she realized that his temperature is above the roof, indicating a high fever. After a few minutes of wiping his face with a wet cloth, Taehyung seem to stir but doesnt seem to be able to make out any coherent words. The building is already empty by now and Y/N doesnt know the number of any of the members or their managers. She doesnt even know where his dorm is located at and calling her supervisor is out of the question. They will just assume she did something to Taehyung, seeing how hard she tries to blame him the moment before she got fired. Y/N doesnt know what to do and she surely cant just leave him here to stay the night. So she did the only thing she can think of, take him back to her apartment.

/////

"Mhmm Y/N?" Taehyung stirred in his sleep after Y/N puts him in bed with a warm blanket over him. Y/N take a good look at his face. Is he dreaming? His eyes are closed but he called out her name didnt he?

"T-tae? Are you awake? Can you hear me? You have a high fever. But I'm going to help you alright,"

"Y/N mhhmm. Y/N, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Y/N," he keeps mumbling but Y/N cant be sure if she heard him correctly. "I am sorry for hurting you. Never meant to mhhm,"

"Shh Tae its okay. You need your rest alright," Y/N pulls the blanket up to his neck again and continue to put the wet cloth on his forehead, trying her best to ensure he fell asleep.

"L-love you,"

"W-what?" Y/N eyes widen. No way. Taehyung must really be out from his mind. He must think she is someone else. Yes, that must be it. Y/N tries to ignore it and continues to take care of him although her increasing heart beat never seem to be able to calm down. Especially when Taehyung repeated himself, loud and clear.

"I love you Y/N,"

/////

Y/N stayed up all night after Taehyung passed out, trying to nurse him back to health. She did everything she can to lower down his temperature and by the time the dawn breaks Y/N fell asleep in pure exhaustion at his bedside and Taehyung's fever has left him entirely.

Taehyung open his eyes slowly once the bright sunlight reached his eyes. As he blinks rapidly and trying to take in the room around him, he panics. Everything seems unfamiliar. Where is he? He quickly looks around and found Y/N curled in a ball on the floor beside the bed.

Y/N? What is she doing here? Why is she here? He cant remember anything that happened last night. The last thing he remembers is they were arguing in his practice room.

The sound of the bed rustling and Taehyung trying to get out of bed as fast as he can woke Y/N's exhausted form up from her uncomfortable sleep. With sleepy eyes she looks at Taehyung and flashed him a small, tired smile.

"Oh you are awake. How are you feeling?"

"Where am I?!" Taehyung glares at her. "Why are you here with me in this room!?"

Y/N was taken aback. His confession last night is still making her confused and anxious at the same time, and she had wanted to ask him about it today. She didnt think he would really love her, but maybe his confession means some kind of affection and they can atleast be friends now? But why is he back to the old Kim Taehyung? Could it be... that he doesnt remember?

"Y-you fainted last night. Due to a very high fever. So I-"

"Take me home to your house?"

"Y-yeah. I dont know what else to do," Y/N takes a step backwards, scared of his glaring eyes. Y/N knew she didnt do anything wrong. In fact, she should be furious that Taehyung is not down on his knees saying thanks right now but the man is so intimidating it scares her to the core.

"And you think I would believe that?" He scoffed. Y/N furrowed her brows. What is Taehyung saying? Wait.. he cant mean...

"You are not implying what I think you are implying, right Kim Taehyung?"

"If by that you mean I'm implying that you are taking advantage of me and my status by bringing me home to gain some kind of cheap publicity, then yes. Thats exactly what I'm implying!"

"I cant believe you!" Y/N yelled out, tears once again prickling her eyes. How can this conceited man even for one second think that about her? At that moment Taehyung's phone beeped at he scoffed as he scroll at the content of the message he just received.

"Yeah? You think I dont know how girls like you work?" He growls.

"Girls like me? What do you mean  y that?!"

"Your kind applied for a job at some entertainment company, then you will try to make one of us falls in love with you and when you dont succeed, you start to get creative and do this kind of shit. Right?"

"How do you even came up with all of this? What are you even talking about?!" Y/N is frustrated now. How can she get through that thick skull of his and make him see that she doesnt have any othe rintention than just helping him. Which seems to be a big mistake in from her part. She should have just left him in the practice room.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Taehyung shoved his phone,  the message he just received shone in front of her face to be read. To her horror, its a snippet of an article that is clipped together with a photo of Y/N helping Taehyung up the stairs of her apartment. Apparently someone saw her last night, although she has tried to be extremely careful, and the rumors are already ciculating that she is his secret girlfriend.

"Congratulations, you got the publicity that you wanted! But trust me on this, I wont just stand idly by and let you get away with this. You will pay for this rumor," with that Taehyung walked out from the apartment, slamming the door shut, not once looking back.

Y/N finally found out what he meant by her paying for the rumor two days later when the company release an official statement. Taehyung finally commented that Y/N is definitely not his girlfriend and she is just some ex staff who got fired and took advantage of him by bringing him home in his unconcious state. Its a lie alright, but it doesnt sound so bad right? Well, maybe for someone normal. But when that kind of statement comes out from a world wide popular idol with a gazillion of girls protecting him, it became dangerous. Real dangerous. And Y/N  has no where and no one to protect her from the crazy fans chasing her for "attacking and taking advantage of their oppa".

After the first assault from his crazy fangirls that she encountered at the supermarket that leads to her to being pushed and scraped her knees to the point of heavy bleeding, Y/N decided to stay home as much as she can. But for how long can she stay that way? Especially with the craziness of his fangirls that doesnt seem to die down. Y/N have to go out and look for a new job. She needs to buy her groceries. She needs to live. So as an attempt to save herself, she make her way one more time to the company, trying to figure out what to say once she sees Taehyung and the PD. She will beg if she have to. She will do anything and promise to dissappear from the company and Taehyung's life, if they agree to help stop the torment of his fans on her life. But going to the company is a huge mistake on her part, because she forgot that there are always many fans that gathers in front of the building, hoping to atleast catch a glimpse of the boys and just one look at her, all of them rushes over, fuming and angry.

Y/N didnt have the chance to turn back and ran away. Hell, she didnt even have the chance to breathe before she was attacked..hair being pulled, body being beaten, scratched, scream at and clothes being ripped apart. Her face is swollen and sore, bleeding from places that she dont even know and she cant think straight anymore as her vision starts to blurred.

The last thing she remembered was being pushed to the middle of the road and something huge and black might have hit her and she felt pain. So much pain, before a voice that scarily sounds like Taehyung yelled out her name.

Maybe she truly has died and went to hell.

/////

"Arent these fans tired of waiting for us in front of the company?" Namjoon peeks his head through the tinted windows as their black van approaches the company. They are back after recording a music show and the boys are all exhausted and just cant wait to go back to the dorm and sleep. Their manager who is sitting besides him in the driver's seat chuckles.

"Well Joon, they are the one- what the hell is that?!" He stepped on the breaks out of the sudden, making all seven boys who are sleeping, with the exception of Namjoon, slammed forward in their seat.

"Ouch hyung! Whats happening?" Jungkook rubbed his head and yawns, looking around. "Are we back yet?"

"Shit hyung. D-did you hit a person? A fan?" Hoseok panics.

"Who the hell couldnt see a big van passing through and just crossed the road like that?!" Their manager panics too and starts opening the door to check. Jimin and Taehyung looks around from the window at the other fans who are gathered and smirking at the thing, or person, they still dont know for sure, thats lying on the streets in front of the van.

"Uh.. why do I get the feeling that whoever thats lying there is not an accident and is thrown in front of the van?" Jimin gulp nervously.

"What do you mean Chim? Did a sasseang do this?" Jin is curious, trying to peek his head. Namjoon who is still frozen at the front seat finally lean forward to see whats going on, hoping that its not a dead body thats hes going to see.

"Oh fuck,"

"What Joonie?" Yoongi asks curious.

"We did hit a person," Namjoon gulps. "Its that... that girl. I dont know her name. But its that stylist that Taehyung hate,"

"Y/N?!"

Without waiting and not caring if the fans will see and crowds him or not, Taehyung jumped out from the van.

"Y/N!"

/////

"O-oww," Y/N tried to move her body but she cant. Everything hurts, and the blinding white light of the room is not helping at all. If this is heaven, its not as beautiful as people imagined it to be. And it smell like steriled tools and medicine.

"Dont move. It will hurt more,"

And the angel's voice sounds like Kim Taehyung. Maybe shes in hell and not heaven. Yes, thats definitely it.

"Where am I? Am I dead?" She asks. Taehyung chuckles at her cuteness.

"Fortunately you are not. You are in a hospital. Y/N.. you have been attacked by uh.. my.. uh fans..." Taehyung looks down in sadness and guilt. "D-do you remember any of it?"

"Y-yeah," she tries to nod but it hurts too much. "A little bit but what I can remember most is feeling pain. So much pain,"

"I'm sorry Y/N," Taehyung's voice is soft. Is he crying? The cocky, conceited Kim Taehyung is crying?

"W-why are you here Tae?"

Taehyung knows this is not an ideal situation but he cant help but feels happy when Y/N calls him Tae.

"I-uh, Y/N.. your leg is broken and one of your arms are broken too. You broke a rib, there are cuts all over your body and your face is destroyed which will take weeks to fully heal. I cant just leave you alone! We wanted to call your mother but we dont know her details. Can you give her number to me?" He explained to her softly. It kills him inside to see her like this. Broken. Emotionally and physically broken. All because of him.

"No! Uh.. please dont call her. I dont want her to worry," she begged.

"Alright Y/N. Then I wont call her. Which means you leave me no choice but to let me take care of you," Taehyumg grinned, making Y/N uncomfortable.

"M-must it be you? I can take care of myself. A-and can you transfer me to a normal hospital room? I cant afford this," she might not be able to move, but even from what she can see, this is a private VIP hospital room and she definitely cant afford that.

"First of all Y/N, its my fault that you are hurt. So I'm going to nurse you back to health, whether you like it or not. And second, dont worry about anything. I'll make sure you will received the best treatment and care there is. Alright? " he smiles warmly at her and Y/N has no more room to protest.

For the one whole time that Y/N is required to stay in the hospital, Taehyung never left her side.  He feeds her, helps her to go to the bathroom, talks to her, sing to her, read to her and makes her laugh. He did everything he could and Y/N sometimes couldnt  believe that this is the same Taehyung she knows from before. After two weeks, Y/N is finally allowed to go back home and of course, Taehyung asks his manager to send them to her house and he helps her settles in.

"I'm okay now Tae. Thanks for everything. You can go now," she bowed from her wheelchair and smile. Taehyung looks at her funny.

"Uh no?" He sits down on her couch and make himself comfortable. "Do you think I would leave you alone and helpless? I will be here everyday at early morning when you wake up and only leave when you are sound asleep. Until you are capable of doing things on your own, thats what I'm going to do. And no, you cant protest," he grins before Y/N could have said anything.

So that is what exactly Taehyumg did for the next two months. He came in early in the morning with breakfast in hand, using the spare key he shamelessly made for himself. Feeds her, helps her washed up, clean her house, did her laundry, buying her groceries, cook, which he is very bad at, reads to her and just talking to her, making her laugh all day. Y/N has started to get used to his presence now and learned that, when he wants to be, he is actually nice and fun to be around. Hes funny, entertaining, smart and sweet all rolled into one. If only it didnt take all this for him to show her his true colors.

As he spent more days with Y/N, Taehyung realized that the feelings he has for her is definitely not hate. He still doesmt know what it is, but definitely, definitely not hate. He loves spending time with her. All the little quirks he learns about her is making him more interested in her, and the best part of his day now, other than spending time with Y/N of course, is doing her chores of helping the same old man he saw before cross the road, drop one won bill each to the beggars and feeds Taetae, which Y/N accidentally told the name of the dog to him with a hard blush. It amazes him how even in her condition,she stills wants to help others. She still wants to buy the dog food and give the beggars whatever change she has although she herself has little to none. Taehyung has never known anyone like her, and every single day his heart blooms just from seeing her face or even hearing her name.

He realized now. Hoseok was right. He is in love. He is in love with Y/N. But he realized it too late because Y/N is finally capable of standing up and walking, although still toddling, and told him that he doesnt need to come by anymore.

Y/N doesnt need him anymore.

/////

"What are you doing here Taehyung?" Y/N looks at him weirdly as she opens the door to see Kim Taehyung standing nervously at the door, holding a bouquet of flowers tight in his grasp. "Did you forget that you dont need to come anymore?" She smiles. He has been coming over for more than two months now. Maybe he forgot that he doesnt need to come anymore. "You dont have to come anymore Tae. Thanks for everything Taehyung. I guess I'll see you when I see you okay?" She bowed and starts to close the door and Taehyung quickly pushed the door back open, surprising her.

"Do you need anything?" She looks at him, brows furrowed. Taehyung looks at her face. Her pretty, pretty face. How can he not notice it before? After taking a nervous gulp he opens his mouth.

"Y-you,"

"Excuse me?"

"Y-you. You Y/N. You asked me if I need anything and I know the answer to that now. I need you. You are the missing piece that I need in my life," he fiddled with the stem of the flowers he is holding.

"Huh?" Y/N looks at him with a confused face before it turns into a smile. "Ahh, you are making fun of me again. One last time?" She giggles. "Good one Taehyung. But you should have gone with something else. I would never believe you will like me but nice try though," she nods and push the door close again but Taehyung kept it open with his strength and pushed himself inside.

"I-I know its going to be hard to believe. I-I mean I wouldnt believe me either if I were you. But I'm serious Y/N. I'm dead serious. I-I want to try with you," he stuttered his words out.

"Try? Try what? What do you mean?"

"T-try to be your boyfriend,"

"B-boyfriend?" Y/N's eyes turns wide. "You should stop it Taehyung. I already know this is a joke Its not funny anymore," her face turns into despair and Taehyung panics when he sees her eyes are starting to get wet.

"I'm not kidding!" He placed down the flowers and held both of her hand in his, clasping it tight. "I knew now why I was so mean to you before. Why I make your life a living hell. No, not now. I have known it for quite some time but I'm just too stupid, cocky and conceited to admit to it," he peeks into her eyes. "Y/N, you have captured my eyes, and heart, the moment we first met way back and I was too over my head to accept the fact that you are unfazed by me. I got angry, and then I got jealous at how you can seem to live your life normally and happily without me. So, I start acting mean to you. I need to be on your mind, in your life. In any way that I can, even if its in a bad way. I did all that so that you will always remember me. In some ways it did work, you did think of me all the time, but in a bad, bad way,"

Y/N is speechless.

"I know its stupid. Idiotic. Childish at its best. But Y/N, after everything we have been through and after all the opportunities you gave me so I can get to know you, I am not afraid anymore. I realized I should have just come forward and said it. I should have try to win your heart by treating you the way you deserve, like a queen. I'm sorry Y/N,"

"I-I..."

"Its okay. You dont have to decide now. But please, please dont kick me out from your life. Let me be with you. Y/N... I love you," Taehyung finally have the courage to say how he really feels.

The air was filled with silence for a few moment, Taehyung nervously gulped as he waits for her reply. After a long excuriating wait, Y/N finally answers.

"N-no. This cant be true. You hated me! A-and I hated you!" Y/N took a step back from him and Taehyung smiles. From her answers he can already tell that he has managed to penetrate through her heart. He takes a step forward to her and gave her his signature smile.

"You dont hate me Y/N,"

"I-I do. I really hate you. You put me through hell! I hate you Kim Taehyung!"

"Do you really?" He cocked his head and grins. "It doesnt matter, because Y/N. I love you,"

"I-I,"

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you and I love you L/N Y/N,"he smiles. "And I will do whatever it takes to make it right again. To make you believe me,"

"Y-you are not lying Tae?"

"Y/N... I cant stop thinking about you. Your face is all I can see when I close my eyes. Your voice is all I can hear. Just being near you makes me happy. Heck, just hearing your name is enough to make my day. I will give up everything for you. I will take care of you. I will help you get back your job. I will make sure you no longer have to eat only cup noodles. I will buy you all the tickets you need to go back home and see your mother. I would even drive you there Y/N. I will even introduce you to my parents. And lets adopt Taetae for real. He can be friends with Yeontan. Would I do all these if I'm not really in love with you Y/N?"

"Tae..." Y/N sniffles, a smile finally grazing her lips.

"So..." Taehyung hold her hands and rub the back with his thumbs. "Do you still hate me now?"

"People might say I'm stupid... but I... I love you Taehyung," she grins, and Taehyung was taken by surprise. Is this for real? D-did she confessed? "I have love you since we first met but I knew there is no way you would go for me. So I pushed it aside,"

"No!" Taehyung panics. "Uh I mean please dont. Dont push your feelings away. Please. I'm here now. I'm here to give you all my love Y/N. I promise. I promise you will be the happiest woman in the world," he takes her hand that he is still holding and kissed it. "Thank you Y/N. And we can go as slow as you want. As long as I still get to be by your side,"

Y/N nods. Her smile too big to be concealed anymore.

"Yeah. Lets do that. Lets rebuild back our relationship," her eyes looks at him lovingly. "And you dont have to do anything Taehyung. Hearing you say you love me? I'm already the happiest woman in the world,"

"Then, I will make you happy every single day. I love you L/N Y/N. So so much," he leans in close and cups her chin. "M-may I? Kiss you?"

Y/N nodded shyly.

And nothing could ever describe the feeling she felt when Taehyung finally touched his lips with hers. She fell in love with the devil, and it feels like heaven.

[ghoulangerlee]

this is a pretty heavy post like, feel free to ignore it bc im just. in a really bad place right now and i need to vent and say things other than ‘im so tired’ because it doesn’t accurately encompass how i actually feel

So, like. 2012? Sometime after my mom died I got into a really bad place mentally, with everything piling up; my shit life, my shit aunt, my shit roommate, just shit after shit, my money kept going to bills, i didnt eat for weeks at a time. 

I was in a really bad place. Like, horrifically bad. Only made worse by my aunt taking me to the hospital and telling the doctors there I was suicidal. To be fair, I was, but being locked in, what’s essentially a cell with a wooden bed? Not Fun. 

I tried getting better, I went to a therapist and a psychiatrist, got on medicine. talk about my problems, tried moving on. 

it didnt work. i felt a sense of uselessness around that time. i was 20 and my mom died less than a year ago. 

i’d been nursing my bad health since i was a kid, and when mom’s diagnosis came when i was 17...it was a lot to handle. and as time went on, my aunt got more distant until it was me, a barely old enough fresh high school graduate, trying to juggle college, full time work and taking care of my sick (and dying) mom. 

two years is a lot of time to have that much pressure put on you. and it does a lot to a person’s psyche when you go from being On at all times, to suddenly, you’re sitting in a hospice, telling your mom it’s okay to rest now. you’ll be fine. 

you start feeling useless, i guess. you just. don’t know what to do anymore. your mom’s gone, you’re out of work for a week to “mourn” but really. you spend the week staring at the wall wondering what you could have done better. 

(the spoiler is, nothing. nothing. death is fucked up. mom knew. the whole time she was going through the stages, making herself okay with the idea of dying. im glad she’s resting now. the last few years of her life were hard. too hard for one woman to handle.)

some could say that my anger and depression and sadness and just emptiness came from grief, maybe. maybe im still not over it. (spoiler: im not). 

i remember, my aunt calling me the day my roommate was in the hospital, i was with her, sitting with her. and i’d called my manager to let him know that i was on my way to work, i shouldn’t be late but if traffic gets bad, then i might be late. 

my aunt calls, yells at me, calls me a lot of names to the point im sobbing in my roommates hospital room. not an uncommon occurrence at that point. my aunt making me cry. i was 20 and my aunt had been doing that for about 10 years at that point. 

my roommate takes the phone, says something i can’t remember to her and hangs up. and then she calls a nurse who takes me aside, sits me down in a room and asks me if i need to leave. if my aunt’s abusing me or hurting me. 

it was a long day at the hospital. and then, later on that night, as im about to take myself to the local hospital to find out what i need in order to see a therapist, my aunt hijacks my plans and drags me there herself. takes me to the ER, tells them she’s worried about her niece’s who’s suicidal. 

and anyway. to make a long story short. i spend a lot of time in this tiny box of a room, with no shoes or pants or shirt. in my underwear and a gown, sitting on a wooden frame bed with no blanket. 

when i finally get my aunt out of the room, and i talk to the psych lady who came down from the ward, she asks me if i need to leave my aunt, asks if my aunt’s hurt me or hit me. 

at the time, i didnt realize that abuse in the context she was asking also meant verbal, mental and emotional. i didnt realize that’s what my aunt was doing until way later. 

the more i talked to a therapist later on, the more i realized that things were messed up. that my aunt’s treatment of me wasn’t right. that my aunt, as a whole, is abusive. 

i was 20 when i tried to commit suicide. 

i dont talk about it ever, because it was a point in my life i’ve been trying hard to forget. 

i was just. so wrung out. my roommate left me with a 300 dollar power bill despite “promising” to pay her share. my landlord kept bothering me about rent even though i’d always remind her when i’d get paid, my aunt wouldn’t stop. and i just felt alone. 

so fucking alone. i was empty and hollow and my house and life were a fucking mess. 

at that point, i’d been trying to think of a way that seemed natural i guess. just. something that no one would realize i’d done it on purpose. 

i didn’t have any money for food, so starving myself seemed like the best option. and so, i didnt eat. for days and then weeks and then months. 

my dumb brain just, thought that, well, ive already got bad stomach problems. my stomach already bleeds. if i don’t eat then the acid just gets worse, it’ll make me bleed. 

didn’t count on passing out during work and being rushed to the ER. 

i lied then and said it was because i didn’t have the money to eat. and so afterwards, my manager and coworkers made sure i ate something. 

but i mean, it wasn’t a glamorous experience. until today, i hadn’t told anyone that me not eating for those months was actually me trying to sabotage my own life. 

but yeah. 

what all this is leading up to is. i feel myself slipping back into that mindset. only this time, i can’t get out of it. i don’t have a therapist, or medication to help. my aunt is on my ass constantly and won’t let me get a job without threatening me homelessness. 

and its tearing me up on the inside. ive been in so much physical pain these past few days. everyday its hard to get out of bed and find the will to do anything.

we had an argument the other day, because i finally couldn’t handle her yelling. i told her how i felt about her and she told me to leave the room. so i went outside. and. fuck. i kept mapping out the quickest way to get to the busy street where all the cars were. if i could just get out there without her seeing then i could just...

when i keep saying im tired, i mean it as, this bone deep i can’t take it anymore tired. the i need to get out of here before something happens to me tired. the i am at the end of my line and if something doesn’t change soon im going to die tired. 

im trying so hard to stay okay. to keep all this in and not bombard people with it. hatching plans and trying to figure out how to get the money to leave. where to go when i do leave. 

but god its so hard. im just so tired.

and i dont know what to do. 

my aunt “paid” me for the last transport and i got 75 dollars. two days of nonstop driving and caring for 16 dogs. 75 dollars. that’s for groceries and my phone bill. and absolutely nothing for savings. 

fuck.

[tessavirtueandmoir]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Daniel aka one of the Finnish guys cause I didn’t want to get lost in the club (I also hate club so it was like a double whammy)

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Is outgoingly shy a thing? I used to be super shy and still am around guys, but im definitely more outgoing in everyday life than I used to be

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

MY BESTFRIEND WHO FREAKING FLEW TO ENGLAND THE DAY I CAME HOME AND I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO SEE HER YET.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Depends on who you ask, I guess.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

More likely than not.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Blond hair, blue eyes… the eye colour doesnt really matter tbh but that seems to be the trend. Not douchey.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Uhh.. that’s wishful thinking.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Those dang Finnish boys #lifecrisis

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Yes.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Probs one of those Finnish boys

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

I sent an article to my mom about how Canada was gonna be colder than Antarctica and mars. lmao I love this freaking country.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Freedom 90 - Pitch Perfect Cast

Saturday Night - Whigfield

New Year’s Day - TSwift

New Rules - Dua Lipa

Hopeless Romantic - Scott Middough

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah dude point me to a girl who doesn’t

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Lmao no not really

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I turned 20 and apparently had a life resolution. Ditch those crappy people y’all, they aint worth your time

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Debatable…

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Don’t even remember who my first crush was so that’s probably a no.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yo. My kryptonite. My res only had showers for the 4 months I was there and I legit cried when I say my bathtub so.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

As long as I can’t hear them, I don’t really care

21. What are you bad habits?

Getting super snippy when I’m hungry. Um… constantly being on my phone? Idk what else. Being blunt?

22. Where would you like to travel?

I just want to go back to England at this point

23. Do you have trust issues?

hahahah AHAHAHAHAHHA bye

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

the fact I didnt wake up until like mid afternoon in the uk… now literally nothing

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My stomach? Or maybe my arms

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check my phone notifs

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Maybe a tad darker because im literally pale af but otherwise no

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my best friends aka girls

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

No? One of my ex’s once told one of my friends to check on me though cause he was worried.. it was strange.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Also, debatable. I’m loving my alone life right now.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

If it wasn’t I would literally cry so. Every time I get it cut we make sure it goes into a pony because of dance and stuff.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Anna Kendrick and is Tessa Virtue a celebrity? I think she is. Wow… that is quite the threesome honestly. Gotta have different life experiences I suppose.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

grasysdoihj

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Dance and soccer. dance is a sport dont argue with me

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV I guess. But either option would be pretty lame.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

In my 20 years, yeah probably

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing, I usually check my phone or something

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Not an inconsiderate douchebag. And someone that lives in the same country as me.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

NEWLOOK, River Island, ASOS, RW and Co, Dynamite (sometimes the Bay)

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Be a lawyer.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Nah man.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m fucking mad and u best walk away before I slit you in half. Or I’m tired. Or im not comfortable with the situation

43. Do you smile at strangers?

I barely even look up so no

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Bottom of the ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

That maybe it’ll be cold enough for me to take a bath at some point… I have a lame Canadian life. And I also don’t wanna be a university drop out so there’s also that.

46. What are you paranoid about?

People following me… like not on social media. Just like in general

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Potentially? Idk man, probably not

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Oh yeah. But I told my friends about it so does that really count?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Navy

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Everyone wishes they were T Virtue so.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish I could make myself want to go to the gym an exercise. But yet, here I am

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Anastasia Beverley Hills/Tarte/Fenty Beauty

54. Favourite store?

Did I not already answer this?

55. Favourite blog?

Mine. Shameless self promo

https://graysonwadsworth2.wixsite.com/hayitsgray

56. Favourite colour?

Grey/Teal/Burgundy

57. Favourite food?

G A R L I C B R E A D

58. Last thing you ate?

I’m about to eat a huge ass bowl of oatmeal

59. First thing you ate this morning?

This huge ass bowl of oatmeal. It’s 9:25 PM in case y’all were wondering.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Many. For dance.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

No, I’m an angel. Just kidding.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope.

63. Ever been in love?

Yep.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Happened on a cruise ship in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea and I stupidly decided to play a game where we were trying to get our faces as close as possible without kissing… I was dumb okay lmao.

65. Are you hungry right now?

Mildly.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I talk to my Tumblr friends more than my real friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Why is instagram not a choice. Tumblr I guess.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

I’m watching the movie what not to expect when you’re expecting

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Harneet, Keira, Emmy, Katerina, Andy, Meghan x 2, Madi, Sydney, Emily, Lauren, Cassidy… wow… that’s so many

71. Craving something? What?

Not to be sick.

72. What colour are your towels?

My personal towels are teal. But we have brown, black. and grey ones in the bathroom too.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

there’s 6 on my bed right now

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

does one laying at the foot of the bed count cause otherwise no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I legitimately cleaned out my entire closet this week and found my ENTIRE collection of webkinz so if we’re gonna count those probs like 300 lmao

75. Favourite animal?

Elephant

76. What colour is your underwear?

Pink

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Cookie Dough OR French crisp from Laura Secord

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Grey

80. What colour pants?

Grey, white and pink

81. Favourite tv show?

GREYS ANATOMY

82. Favourite movie?

Moulin Rouge or Angels and Demons

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean girls who are you

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Janice

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory or Crush

87. First person you talked to today?

I honestly have no idea, probably meg though… or I definitely snapchatted people

88. Last person you talked to today?

Meg

89. Name a person you hate?

Well, that would be mean.

90. Name a person you love?

My British bestie, honestly, I don’t know why I love her so much. It’s strange. My cat is the next backup.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

No? Violence is never the answer. Passive aggressiveness is

92. In a fight with someone?

Not that I know of

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

All of my sweats are basically roots, and I honestly have too many

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

TOO MANY

95. Last movie you watched?

Pitch Perfect 2

96. Favourite actress?

Anna Kendrick OR Reese Witherspoon

97. Favourite actor?

I am currently blanking on male actors at the moment. Let’s just go with Ryan Reynolds cause he’s funny af and married to Blake so

98. Do you tan a lot?

I burn a lot.

99. Have any pets?

A really bitchy cat

100. How are you feeling?

Sick #iloveairplanes

101. Do you type fast?

Yes, unnaturally fast. I can also type without looking at the keys which weirds a lot of people out.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Doesn’t everyone? It wasn’t stuff that I did myself though

103. Can you spell well?

Usually yes, lately no. I need to go back to school obviously

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

My grandma

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yep

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Accidentally on purpose yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes, and I got bucked off and now refuse to ride another horse

108. What should you be doing?

Writing an essay that’s due on Friday

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I can’t fall asleep, but that’s the norm so

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Only when they broke my heartttttt

111. Do you have trust issues?

I swear to god I’ve already answered this one

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My best british friend. She legit left me crying in the middle of the club

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Gray gray. Or Gray goose.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

I used to. My console is in my closet now though

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yes, always.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

MA FAVE. It’s the only soup I eat.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YES. MY OTHER FAVE.

119. Favourite book?

13 Reasons Why, or Atonement. Soon to be: Scrappy Little Nobody

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No.

121. Are you mean?

I am blunt. Sometimes those two can get confused

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No, y’all are scum bye

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Uh… if my white shoes get dirty I clean them so they’re white again

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, but I believe in crushes at first sight #themodel

125. Do you believe in true love?

I mean.. maybe.

126. Are you currently bored?

Yes, hence why I’m answering all these questions

127. What makes you happy?

My friends

128. Would you change your name?

I currently am, but not my first name.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer the crabbbbbb

130. Do you like subway?

Uh…. sometimes. But it’s not my go to

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Yikes, this has legit happened to me and I had to dip so fast im not even lying

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Definitely one of those Finnish boys

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Take back your picture in a frame

OR

sometimes the clothes do not make the man

134. Can you count to one million?

Who would ever try that? It would take forever.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

When I told all my profs I couldn’t write my midterm cause I had a concussion and I went to the Dominican instead #rebel

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed

137. How tall are you?

5′ 3″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight hair that is curled

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Neither, I hate both. But if I had to choose, summer

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

May

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No, I’d literally die because I hate vegetables

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

T E A

146. Was today a good day?

Tbh I laid in bed all day so that’s pretty ideal

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind - Dr. Suess (how philosophical wow)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Nope

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

The young team were still getting most of their ice time in Ilderton and were preparing for the Western Ontario sectionals in the juvenile category, but in late autumn of 1998, just a week before sectionals, Scott broke his right arm playing flag football. That is the longest sentence ever wow.

[mass-effect-a-companions-react]

Could you please do the romanced companion's reactions to Ryder casually bringing up marriage one day? Like 'hey, would you ever want to get hitched?'

Warning:I went a bit overboard with Liam’s. -Mod Di——-Cora: Scott oh so charmingly brought up marriage after sex. Because of course he would. And at first, Cora freezes,because of the timing, the she slowly meets his eyes, hands pressed against his chest. “Are you proposing,Scott?” She questions, small smirk forming.“Not really.” He shrugged “Unless you want me,to. I just figured marriage would come somewhere down the line, and I want to know if your okay with that.”“Of course” she said giving him a kiss. “One day, I’d love to. Preferably when there’s less shooting. I dont want a bad guy crashing my wedding”

What her reaction would be if some one did crash her wedding

Jaal: Ryder mentions marriage back at the waterfall during a picnic. They and Jaal had been there many times, and every time Ryder thought it was more beautiful than the last. “I’d love to get married here. We should get married here.” They hummed out, as they inhaled the fresh air. Suddenly Ryder heard a choking noise, and leans forward to see Jaal choking on his fruit,but his eyes were full of love.

“Truly,darling one? You mean it?”

They barely had time to nod before Jaal pounced on them,their lunch forgotten.

 Gil: Scott brings up marriage over a poker game and drinks. Because Ryder always spills things over drinks and poker. Gil doesn’t think much of it. Just the ramblings of a drunk man. But still….

 Vetra: Fun tip, never mention marriage in a battle field. Especially not when your girlfriends a trigger happy Turian in battle mod. The enemy was giving the usual “You will die here today.” speach and instead of their usual snark Ryder responded with “Sorry, I’d like to marry at least once before I die. Vetra is my top pick right now, and unless you plan on marrying us before you shoot-”

“Ryder!” Vetra shouted, as she fired at the enemy “Is now really the time?” Ryder continues to drop little details about it during the battle. Vetra was so off put that she shot Ryder in the color of their armor twice. Or maybe she did it on purpose to get them to shut up.

 Suvi: Ryder and Suvi where talking(flirting) in the cockpit, as they often do (much to Kallo’s chagrin) and Suvi was going on and on about the discoveries the Nexus Science teams and the Angara scientist have discovered and created. Sara,of course, loved her girlfriends nerdness,but can helo but to feel a little salty that the has to compete science for her girlfreinds affections. “Suvi I swear” she said playfully when Suvi finally stopped for breath “I cant tell if you’d rather marry science or me.” Both girls turned a bright shade of red when they realised what Sara had said. Ryder quickly scampered away, grumbling to herslef. “Its you. By the way.” Suvi called out after Sara’s retreating figure. “It’s always you.”

 Someone save Kallo

 PB: She and Ryder were supposed to go on a nice date to the archives. Ryder had found some untouched remnant Tech and took PB exploring. When they activated the two had to haul out of there because they only had one small pistol each and no reloads. Ryder apologizes repeatedly during the whole ordeal “Are you kidding! This is the best date I’ve ever had!” PB exclaimed as she hurrdeld over a rock “Well,” Ryder chuckled out “Now i know what to get you for a wedding gift.”“Wait,what?”“Nothing! Nothing. Never mind.”

 Liam: He and Sara where having a movie date night in his room. Of course it was terrible and cheesey and over dramatic, but they both ate it up. Currently the main character (Vee'ra Ranoh nar Helios vas Pegasus, a quarian war soilder, tangled between her true love (Ranis Saheem nar Reyes vas Artemis), and her lust for her turian brother in arms(Katacus Acalli),who has to find the mole in her ranks and beat the bad guy. All while attempting to serve her duty but stay true to the ways of her flotila. Or so the vid description says.) was finally having her wedding with her Ranis (she and Katacus, or Cactus as Sara liked to call him,had gotten into a fight in the last sceen.) 

 Liam and Sara aren’t actually sure if Quarians have traditional chaple weddings like they do,but it was a movie so they didn’t care. As the couple was saying their vows,  Katacus/Cactus bust in the chapel, announcing his love for Vee'ra and how he doent want her to marry Ranis. He revield that Rains was the mole, and was probaly using his with her relationship to gain and leak information. Vee'ra refused to belive him and calles him a “Despite,lying little Bosh'tet.” But Ranis, relising he had been compromised, pulled on her oxygen tube, causing a rupture in her suite before shoveing Vee'ra to the ground and made a break for it out the back door.Que dramatic action chase seen.

  As the whole thing was going on, Ryder turnend to face him “Hey Liam,” he turnes to face her, and she looked him dead in his eyes as she said “You better not try to pull that crap at our wedding.”Liam chuckled, and never missed a beat as he said “Id never try to kill you at our wedding,dear.” He leaned over and kissed her,the movie forgoten

 Reyes: Ryder has come to visit him in Kadara port per his request,and they were greeted with the sight of two thugs being tossed on their heads as Reyes was fending for his life. Apparently there were still some Sloan’s followers, who didnt appreciate the knew leadership. Ryder just rolled their eyes and join in. “Hey Reyes.” They called out ad they flipped a guy on their back. He hummed in response, almost taking a knive to the face as he froze when Ryder said “Crap like this better not happen at out wedding.” When questioned about if, Ryder looks him dead in the eyes and asks “Did i stutter?”They are so , so ,so done with him. But damn if he isn’t hot.