#and i can access it (i'm not on facebook so sometimes it will not let me see things)

[blueberry-beanie]

found a new rabbithole

[justwinginglife]

Hi! I know this is an odd request but I sometimes like to read all of your random posts including those from anons (like me) and your response to them, but it's so hard to scroll on your blog coz the fics are so long sometimes (not that I'm really complaining) I just want to request that maybe you can put a hashtag on your randoms? So we can access it without the fics? Or maybe put a read more block on your fics? I dunno I feel like a shitty person asking you this lol

Don’t feel bad, I’m ngl, I didn’t think anyone really wanted to read my random thoughts lol so I’m pleasantly surprised. Apologies for having such a difficult blog to navigate; I’m a boomer and I have no idea how to work these apps sometimes. A read more block would be great if someone could tell me how to do it cuz I’ve no idea how, cuz even I find it painful to scroll through my own blog to find stuff, I just had no idea it was an option. I probably will end up doing the hashtag thing then, but if anyone knows how to do the read more block let me know cuz I am elderly

-update: I figured it out and I feel like a caveman discovering fire for the first time LMAO k I will be rolling out these changes on the double, thanks for alerting me anon

-side note: I'm just old and I miss Facebook that's why I post random thoughts but I don't want people I actually know to hear my random thoughts hence no Facebook LOL

[andmaybegayer]

Quest 2 arrived, got to fiddle with some existing apps because the previous owner had not logged out. Didn't feel like being mean so I've reset it now but it handles pretty solidly! They have Firefox for VR headsets now! You can just install ublock origin and it works perfectly. Going to find out what the Linux VR ecosystem looks like, it seems... fraught but manageable.

I am interested in playing with LÖVR sometime, I made a lot of quick little game sketches with LÖVE in high school and I really liked the fast and easy development lifecycle.

I have used the Quest 2 before, some friends bought one and I spent some time fiddling with it, fortunately my VR sickness only really occurs on older systems. The first time I used VR was in 2016 at a convention and I had a great time poking around and then I took off the headset, walked around the corner, and threw up in a dustbin. That's never happened since but I also don't do VR a lot.

The previous owner bought a few facepieces and the hard headstrap so that's nice, much more sturdy than the stock fabric setup. Also my spare glasses fit nicely in here so I don't have to get the lens add-in just yet.

There's a video player app that can access DLNA servers so I was able to open some movies directly over the network which is neat.

The avatar system does not give me weird embodiment things like some other systems have, they're too simple, which I guess is probably why Facebook made them like that. It feels like I'm looking at a video game character who looks vaguely like me. I'll have to poke at VRChat at some point.

Very interested to try a primitives based modeller that runs in VR. One of my big issues with primitives modelling is struggling to translate 2D input movements to 3D vertex movements, I suspect a good VR vertex editor would let me get around that. The reason I grok parametric CAD is because it relies heavily on constraints systems to limit degrees of freedom.

[slenbee]

Scams and you - Part 2

Here are a few more scarms I forgot to mention in my previous post.

Anyone who offers you a job saying all you need to do is:

Rate products by clicking a button and you'll get paid.

Buy products which you'll be 'reimbursed' for buying.

Have packages sent to you and all you have to do is ship them.

Is trying to scam you and/or get you to participate in illegal activities.

Another scam I've seen recently on Tumblr is the 'I Want to Use Your Photos for Mural or Painting' Scam and the follow up to that, the Recovery Scam.

Also known as the 'Instagram Scam', scammers will message you saying they want to use your photos/art in their use in a collage or mural and then telling you (the victim) that they will pay you huge amounts of money via check. They will tell you that you will get large amount of, lets say, $2000 dollars, that you are to keep $500, and that you have to send the rest back to them/their 'client.'

This money is not real. The check is fake.

You will be sending your money to the scammer, with no way of getting it back.

Part 2 of this - The Recovery Scam.

On any post involving you or another person being scammed, you will typically find and see people trying to pull off this scam. This person will say that they 'lost money but <name> on <social media> helped them get it back. All you have to do is contact <name> here <phone/insta/etc> and they'll 100% make sure you get your money back.'

When contacting these scammers, they will boast they've helped dozens/hundreds of people get money back, and will even show fake screenshots of people they've 'helped'. These scammers sometimes even claim they have access to things like twitter/insta/facebook where they'll have their 'certified team' investigate the person who scammed you.

All you have to do is pay them a small amount of money for their time and the use of their.. 'tools' and/or give them your bank details so they can get you your money back.

They will not recover your money. They will not 'ban the scammer' or get them 'arrested'. It's all a lie and a ruse in their scheme to get more money out of you.

In some cases they may even ask for your name/password so they can 'hack' into the system to get your money back from the bank, to unban your account, etc.

It's all a lie. Block and report their account/messages immediately.

If you fell for a scam, talk to your bank or paypal and dispute the charge.

--------------------

It should go without saying, NEVER give out your username or password to ANYONE you talk to online. Especially when sensitive information like your name, address, and bank details are at risk.

And never change your email on any social media or messenger platform 'because some guy told me he would help me.' You will get locked out of your account and there will be no getting it back.

Please stay vigilant folks.

---

If you think you're being scammed, reach out. My inbox is open for stuff like this. I'm not a professional but I know a lot about these things and would be more than happy to help people out who really need it.

[genderqueerdykes]

do u have any advice for being trans and just dealing with the,, unadulterated queer rage that comes with just seeing,, everything that’s been happening?

ooooo boy. kinda

admittedly i'm very angry every day, it's impossible to quell the anger. that's honestly why i do what i do- i put a lot of my time and effort into helping people get access to resources and get the help that they need because now more than ever we need solidarity and knowledge more than anything

if you're able to, work with your local trans and/or queer community especially, see what you can do to help people you can directly affect. if you are disabled or homeless or struggle with getting out and helping in person i understand, that's not always doable.

some people find success in helping pass along resources online. you can organize chats and facebook groups and things of the like for local queers and help pass along information about informed consent clinics, planned parenthood, local endocrinologists and sex reassignment surgeons, gender affirming care resources, etc. even as so much as sending a few emails with resources to someone can change their life

i am very scatter brained so admittedly i'm not great at figuring out how to affect the legal side of things yet. i do not work well with authority figures and i can't figure out how to stay civil and sane while thinking about the disgusting tyranny we are now living under. my best advice is to try to get people to safety and resources. i don't really know much about contacting senators. if anyone does feel free to pitch in, but this is where i struggle. see if you can organize a protest if possible, that may be a good place to start

anyway, if none of those things are your cup of tea, just be yourself unabashedly. i wear drag every single time i leave my home now. i wear wigs and makeup and garish outfits and let people know i am not cis at every opportunity. i cover myself in trans flags and pronoun pins and am very uncaring of whatever assholes may try to fuck with me. sometimes being brave and being yourself helps others, too

i hope like, any of that helped. i am also very angry right now and i understand, there is a fire under my ass that i cannot ignore, this is absurd. thanks for reaching out, take care, i hope you feel better soon

[hotasfahrenheit]

So you wanna get into NCT, eh?

Part 3 - NCT 127 - More MVs and Social Media Links

Oh hey I'm finally back. It's been more than a day but life happens and it's only been like two days... or so? (it's been three) but let's get back into this!

So last time we covered a little bit about the members of the group and then I linked some MVs. I realised something I could have done there was link some social media accounts so let's do that!

There are general accounts for NCT on most of the big social media services such as Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. There are also accounts for all of the subgroups, so NCT 127 does have their own accounts on all of those as well. I feel like the Youtube content deserves its own post so I'll get to that but 127 does have a Youtube channel as well.

The individual members share things like the Twitter and Instagram accounts on and off, taking turns sometimes to post on there, tho most posts are from the company. Facebook gets posts from the company and not from individuals very often. The boys do all have their own Instagram accounts tho, and they also all use Bubble to varying degrees, which is an app which a lot of kpop groups use where fans can pay to access special posts from idols that include text posts, pictures, voice recordings, etc. I have never been a Bubble user, but I follow everyone on Instagram so here's all of those:

Taeil | Taeyong | Johnny | Yuta | Doyoung | Jaehyun | Winwin | Jungwoo | Mark | Haechan

You can use those to become more familiar with the members and see some of the nonsense they get up to. Some of them post often and some post almost never so your mileage may vary with them as a tool, but I'm a sucker for personal social media accounts so I'm clearly following those all.

It's also worth throwing out there since I skipped talking about positions last time that Taeyong is the leader of both NCT 127 and also of NCT in general. He's also a main rapper, main dancer, visual, center, helps write and produce music and has since The 7th Sense was released, etc etc, you name it, he's probably done the thing. He's ridiculously talented, basically. (They all are.) I could list everyone's positions but there's tons of wiki pages and etc with those kinds of lists and I find them to be less helpful when you have a group like NCT where everyone kinda does everything a lot of the time and has multiple talents and jobs since the rappers might be singing or the vocalists might be rapping depending on the song and literally everyone is a visual etc. But that's part of why you might be noticing that Taeyong is front and center like... a lot. Very often. He's recognisable and has a distinctive voice and being the leader is a good extra excuse to focus on him.

Anyway, let's get back to the music! I somehow managed to come up with ten more videos to link to hit the max per post so you're getting another full variety tasting of 127's style and range with a special treat at the end.

Favorite (Oct 25, 2021) was the lead single from the repackage of Sticker and was not quite as divisive as Sticker but still a bit weird. Released right before Halloween, there's a whole vampire concept going on (GREAT) and the MV and live stage performances all have a weird electronic dance break 2 1/2 minutes in (BAD) that I am PLEASED TO TELL YOU is not part of the song on the actual album. The first time I watched the MV it threw me for such a hard loop that I almost hated disliked the song but when I listened to the album later on spotify I was like "wait it's gone!!!! it was all just a bad dream!!!" and I try to forget it until I do something like watch the MV to make a post like this.

We're gonna mix in some of 127's Japanese releases today starting with their first one, Chain (May 8, 2018) off their first Japanese mini album. Despite NCT's initial plan to have groups based in different countries and markets, they are still now in early 2024 only ABOUT to have their first Japan-centric subunit debut, which means that they've just been having 127 (and Dream) release some stuff in Japanese in the meantime. It helps that they have a Japanese member. Anyway Chain is just a great song so here it is.

gimme gimme (Feb 15, 2021) suffers a little from the eternal problem of kpop songs even in primarily Japanese having some.... wild? English lyrics (spicy disease? dead clowns? who wrote these lyrics? why did their native English speakers go along with this?) but despite the nonsense it's a catchy, mesmerizing earworm of a song with a tight MV with a lot of neat cuts and transitions and I have watched it VERY MANY times. I love it. Spicy disease and all.

In the first main NCT intro post I included WayV's version of Regular (October 8, 2018) and linked both this and the Korean version. I was going to include the Korean version and just link the English here since the Korean one is the one that I personally listen to the most, but then I noticed that the English version has like 66 million more views so I decided to reverse that and you get the English one. Anyway. All versions of Regular are great and the English version has some great weird lyrics too ("I be walking with the cheese that's the queso" is like... ultimate. Incredible. A+. How did Jaehyun record that without laughing? Legendary.). It's also, with Simon Says, one of the only MVs that has all ten members of NCT 127. It also has a CGI tiger, shiny cars, rockets going off, Winwin jumping off a building, there's just a lot going on.

Sliding back to Japan for a minute, I feel like I should include Wakey Wakey (March 18, 2019). I almost forget this song exists sometimes and I think it's because I just want to block out having seen the absolutely terrible wig they put on Johnny for this MV. Seriously why? The song itself is solidly in the weird but also very catchy lane that 127 does so well but I just keep thinking about the wig. Johnny had some long extensions for NCT 2020 that looked great on him, but this wig was just not it. My eyes are drawn to it every time he's on screen. I need to put this into my regular listening-only playlists and let my brain block that wig out the way I forget the dance break in Favorite exists.

127 started 2023 off with Ay-Yo (Jan 30, 2023) which was the (somewhat delayed) repackage of 2 Baddies, which we'll get to in a moment. I wasn't sure what to think of Ay-Yo at first but it has definitely grown on me despite having veered back into some questionable hair territory mainly for Taeyong (and I say that as a grown up late 90s punk kid who thought giant hair spikes were cool). The MV has some absolutely wild visuals mixed in, and the song is definitely outside of the realm of standard kpop releases even if it's not as weird as some others like Sticker. It's solid.

Okay so. Like. I honestly didn't really pay enough attention to the general reactions to 2 Baddies (Sep 15, 2022) to tell you how divisive this song was to most people, but it split one of my group chats VERY strongly and one of my friends has refused to listen to any 127 releases since then because she hates this song so much. I tried to get her with Fact Check at the very least and she's so anti this song that she still refused and I may have lost her on 127 altogether 🤣 It's mainly the chorus that she dislikes, and I'm a little back and forth on it myself sometimes honestly but also I have absolutely BLASTED this song while driving down the highway so it feels kinda like a guilty pleasure song sometimes. If you ignore the chorus the other parts of the song are so goooooooood and no one can deny that the last part of the bridge slaps. Plus there's a whole lot of shirtless Johnny and Yuta which you can never go wrong with.

Touch (Mar 13, 2018) is a little off from the style of kpop that I listen to regularly since it's a bit more in the bubbly poppy side of things that I don't always go for but the vibes are immaculate and everyone looks so happy in the MV and there's fuzzy sweaters and everyone smiles so much? It's hard to not love it. It's fluff and cheery and delightful.

I don't know if SM actually started the "track video" trend (short MVs that have an edited, cut down version of a song so they cost less to produce than a full MV- Lemonade is 3:10 on the Sticker/Favorite album, but this track video is 2:01 for instance) but they love doing them with NCT, and despite Lemonade (Sep 9, 2021) definitely deserving a full MV, since it wasn't the lead single it didn't get one but it did at least get a track video and was performed a lot on the music shows when they were promoting Sticker. It's catchy and has some clever work in the full version lyrics that involve titles of other NCT 127 songs and I've listened to it as much as or possibly more than Sticker.

I've covered all of the lead singles and there ARE some other track videos or special release songs like the recent Be There For Me that I could be using the last slot for but you know what? We're gonna go fully off the expected path and include Let's Shut Up & Dance (Feb 21, 2019) instead because it's wild and fun. 127 doesn't do much besides sing part of the chorus and do a bunch of dancing in this (on the ceiling? on the walls? in an alley?) but like. Lay is here too and the song is SO fun and an absolute bop so that's what we're closing this post out with.

So that wraps the NCT 127 music videos! I'm thinking the next post and the last of the 127 centric ones will be a guide to some of their Youtube content, since there's a whole lot, and that'll kinda set up expectations for the posts about Dream and WayV as well when we get to them. I think after I get through the main posts of MVs and content for all of the sub-units that I might do some special posts of performance videos for songs that don't have MVs just to get some of those out there, or I might just post a bunch of links to them. We'll see how I'm feeling and if my audience of like two or three people has any kind of preference (that's you, hey, yeah you, lemme know what you want from me).

This post is the third in a series of posts introducing new fans to NCT in a way that makes sense, by getting familiar with one subgroup at a time before moving on to the next. Linked down at the bottom is the intro post, and the rest will be linked as they're added.

Dedicated as ever to @catatonicrainbow and @poetry-protest-pornography 💖

[So you wanna get into NCT eh? 1 | 2 | 3]

[thatstroubling]

I compilled my Post-V3 Headcanons into one block of text because I'm so not normal about it.

And so time passes.

You call Maki every day. She moved back to her hometown so you usually only get to see each other through the screen. At some point, you decided to pretend to be normal teenagers. It's what the three of you have been encouraged to do by your therapists. So most of the time you don't talk about anything relevant. Just movies, TV, books. Maki mentions to you the massive collection of unfamiliar YA novels decorating the shelves of her old room. You make a joke that at least she gets to experience reading them for the first time again. She only huffs. You can tell she’s trying to come out of her shell and make friends at the new school, to stay open and generous, because that’s what he would have wanted her to do, but it’s still hard on her. And so you call her every day and she never misses a call.

Himiko seems to be doing OK, surprisingly. Her mother was apparently the super strict and demanding type. She never approved of her spending so much of her valuable time watching Danganronpa and now that Himiko can't handle nearly as much work as she used to, you assumed her mother would be even harder on her. But she somehow came around over time. Himiko tells her about Tenko and Angie constantly and explains her spells and potions (and magic tricks) to her in great detail. And her mother listens because she likes seeing her daughter being truly passionate about something again. You and Maki agree that if your previous lives were truly all just fiction, there’s no reason why Himiko couldn’t have been a real mage once. Sometimes lies can be helpful.

Your mom never calls you anything other than her son. She says she loves you no matter what but sometimes you see the hint of hesitation in her eyes when she remembers what you’ve been through. After all, she watched the game transpire live. You talk together about it. She can never understand but she tries. You tell her that you’re sorry, for what it's worth. Sorry for going out and almost getting yourself killed. She says that she thought she lost you forever but you came back. "Different, but you did!" She cries with you on the couch, gripping you tightly in a hug. She bought you a new hat because you started wearing them again.

It gets hard. Seeing the billboard signs about the premiere. Hearing the theme music on the radio. Facebook shows you ads for Kaede figurines. You notice cosplayers congregating in front of your house every couple of weeks. You dyed your hair back to black, Himiko too, to not stand out. Your mom doesn't know what name to use for you and you can't help her choose. She calls you by your previous name sometimes, the name plastered on all of the Danganronpa fan accounts you still have access to. The one on all the black-and-white notebooks that Maki helped you pack into boxes and move to the basement. You don't want to throw them away for your mom's sake. Most of the time she just calls you honey.

You have wild dreams. There’s three kinds. The first ones are those that your therapist encourages you to talk through. In them, you see red everywhere (not magenta). There is the crunch of Kirumi’s torn body hitting the ground, the swoosh of Kaede's body in the air as it is dragged around on the piano keys, the cracking of fire coming at Gonta from the flamethrower. And everyone’s screams, anguish, pain: the tragedy of the lost lives and the destroyed minds. And so many people are watching and nobody comes to help you. You beg to be let out again and again and they just laugh. Those dreams have you wake up in cold sweat, terrified, barely catching a breath.

Then there's the other kind of dreams. Nothing violent happens in those. There’s just a white room, two chairs and a boy that looks exactly like you. He mumbles, giggles, cries, exclaims, monologues, serenades you and he simply never stops talking about Danganronpa. He says he misses his shows, his online friends, says he's bored and he begs you to talk to him, to stay there with him, to help him out, but whenever you see him stand hunched in front of you with that delirious smile, your voice disappears. Those dreams leave you shaking and crying, not knowing what is real anymore. The only feeling you are sure of in those moments is the regret in knowing that you will never be given a chance to understand the person you once were. Maybe there is nothing to understand but it still feels like another loss.

And of course, you dream about your friends. Sweet dreams that break your heart anew each time you wake up. Kaito, Kokichi, her. In spite of that, these dreams are your favorite. You rewatch scenes from the show over and over while subconsciously trying to memorize every sentence they uttered in the game. At one point, Himiko has to stop you from ordering a copy of the original script, containing unused lines. Sometimes lies can hurt. You alternate between wishing they could be here with you, wishing they had another chance at life, and being glad they didn't have to go through this.

You listen to Kaito’s voice lines the most. His grandma was reported to have died recently. The news was announced as a little tidbit in the same article in which they ranked Top 10 Heroic Kaito Moments. You did the complimentary “Which Danganronpa Character Are You?��� quiz and you got someone called Chihiro. In a V3 quiz, you were assigned Kaede. You’d like to think that the outside world could never know your friend like you did but their description of her personality is so spot on it makes your heart ache. Even those figurines look more life-like than Angie’s sculptures. (Maybe you should look up what people thought of Kokichi, maybe it would help you understand him better. At least retroactively.)

You've discovered that you can apparently draw pretty well. Team Danganronpa must have left that skill intact from your fandom days. You had thrown away all the promotional materials for V3 pilling in your room. The only pictures of your friends you still have left are those that you drew yourself from memory. (You don't want to look at official character art for reference.) Your therapist advises you to maybe take those drawings down from your bedroom walls, says it's not healthy. You explain to her that Himiko, Maki and you are the only three people in the whole world that remember these people as real people, with real lives, so it’s important to not forget. The therapist doesn’t say anything to that. 

You've heard that the final season’s head writer (and Tsumugi's actress) is working on her own stuff now. In spite of the mixed reviews for the finale, she got applauded for her writing in the season as a whole, especially for the underlying motives, intricate character interactions and of course, audience participation that V3 brought to the franchise. She is supposedly sitting in a director’s chair somewhere now, developing her own anime on the other side of the country. They won’t let you see her or let you know her real name for safety reasons. ‘She simply did her part in the show, she just did her job!’ they say. 

Not like you care anymore. The only part of the Danganronpa world you still care about are the people who came from it. Ironically, Maki and Himiko feel like the only real people in your life right now and you suppose that is right for the time being, at least until you learn to be a part of the world that wanted you to die. In spite of that, you made it out. Again, it's not easy and it may never be. But just as before, you depend on each other, you cry together, you laugh together. The days are quiet and time passes slowly, but it does pass. Everything passes in the end. The three of you stand outside holding hands and remember those who gave their lives so you could be here now, basking in the warm spring sun, free of the fate you were created for. And together, for your friends and yourselves, you live on.

[just-another-turkey]

Ao3 DDoS attack- an explanation

For anyone missing their fanfics (like me), this article gives an general outline what going's on with Ao3.

For anyone hoping that they might be able to get to their fanfics soon, I suggest not getting your hopes up. Ao3 may be up in a couple hours (hopefully) , but there's a possibility that could last for several days depending on how how severe the attack is and how many resources the attackers have, Ao3 is handling this attack, and what response plans they have in place.

Some things to know if you're not familiar with DDoS attacks... it's time to use my education.

Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with Ao3 other than being a user. I don't know what security measures they have in place, or what their security is. This is my personal- though knowledgeable- thoughts what may be going on behind the scenes.

Also, if the idea of the DDoS attack is scaring you in anyway- take a deep breath. It's going to be OK, even if my post may come across as dark (if so, I am sorry about that). It only meant to inform and educate Tumblr users on what is going on, and what might Ao3 may be doing. Do not panic just because of this post.

So, let's get started.

a. DDoS stands for distributed Denial of Services attacks. So that means the attackers is using multiple third party devices (such as other servers, botnets*) to make so many requests (think millions per minute) to the Ao3 servers that the servers use up all their resources, preventing us legitimate users from using them.

b. A slight side note- I've heard some people say that it's because of one person that Ao3 is down. It may just be one person, but setting up a DDoS attack is easier with a team. It is likely it is a group of attackers behind this- most attacks have multiple people involved in one form or another. This isn't the most relevant point I have, but just something people should know- there may be more than one attack.

c. To stop this attack, Ao3 is going to have to block all malicious traffic from reaching the servers. However, since this is a distributed attack, they are going to have to block multiple IP addresses. This is going to take some time.

d. We also have to consider if Ao3 has a response plan in place. Response plans are, as the name suggests, what the organization does in the case of an event. For ao3, that means who are they going to contact to fix this issue. But if there isn't a response plan in place already, it going to take longer for them to stop the attack because they're fixing this on the go- a difficult thing to do.

e. Once the attack has been stopped, it won't be over for Ao3, there are two more things they need to do- complete forensics to determine any possible damage to their servers and complete an After Action Review.

e1. While it is most likely that everything will be back to normal system wise after the attack has stopped, Ao3 would be smart to conduct forensics on their system to see if there are any anomalies (malware or indications of a breach). Attackers sometimes use DDoS attacks to cover their tracks when they hack into a system. Not likely here, considering the target won't have super sensitive information that an attacker wouldn't bother with trying to get. But the possibility is always there- however small.

e2. if they want to mitigate the risk of such attacks happening again- they need to complete After Action review (AAR). In AAR, Ao3 is going to have to look at what happened, and determine what they can do to ensure this doesn't happen so easily again. Hopefully, this means writing up or editing and improving their response plan, improving their security measures, etc.

f. Most importantly, your information is unlikely to be compromised. The most damage you will receive is not being able to access Ao3's servers. Ao3 has said that you don't need to change your passwords if you have an account. That being said, if you have a weak password, definitely change it anyway. (like I'm talking is you're using weak passwords. See the following link for what weak and strong passwords are: https://security.harvard.edu/use-strong-passwords )

That's what I have to say for now. Again, this post is not associated with the team at Ao3, I am independent and have no insider knowledge, just knowledge from being a security student. Ao3 will likely say more in the future, so keep an eye for it, and hopefully we'll be able to back to our fics.

If you have any questions about this attack or general cybersecurity, my asks are open, there are comments, and I will respond to them as quickly as I can. If you are in security, and I got something here, please tell me because I do not want to spread misinformation or cause panic.

Heard from your mother (she don't recognize you), I'll be waiting for you.

*compromised computers or other devices with internet connection with malware

[purrpickle]

Here, have some more Royalty AU!Mon headcanons and thought dumps!

...Followed by another fanfic scene drop under the read more because of course. (...Can't really call it a ficlet anymore with the combined writing I've done so far.)

(Again, I can't post links without tumblr eating this, but you can search Royalty AU!Mon on my blog and find the other parts of this 'verse if you want context.)

First, more guest ideas that I agree with completely from @kiarcheo that I will incorporate into the 'verse. Thank you!

Now mine because of course I couldn't stop thinking about it either. These jump around a bit as they are highly indulgent of how my brain works.

While Mon has access to quite a bit of money, she's been living without it for years, held in an account that she can only get into for emergencies, probably needing to go through her father until she reaches a certain age (I'm thinking 25?). This was on purpose, and something Mon grew up with, so her feelings of being a sugar baby and being unable to get Sam a birthday present are real. It's only when she's in England and attending to her duties that she has money to spend because she pretty much has to to be presentable. So that scene in Ep 5 where she left the party because she felt so inferior is real. She's never had that kind of money in Thailand, so for her, that inability to provide for Sam like she thinks she should is her truth.

Mon's social media accounts are pretty well managed, due to Mon having to submit her posts to her father's own social media management team first (one of the things he asked her to do when she started getting into Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, etc.). Mon doesn't mind, really, knowing the probability of her accounts getting recognized because of something she accidentally posts or something that wouldn't be good to be blasted on news outlets years later goes down. Besides, when she turned 16, she negotiated to be the only one capable of signing in to her accounts for personal privacy sake, so none of Sam's 'Wanna suck mouth' or 'Bragging. I. Did. It. With Mon' gets seen by anyone other than her (or the friend group), anyway. It's practically second nature now, sending off her ideas, especially when she gets a response pretty quickly, but there are times where she wishes she could post that pic or this TikTok, except it makes her much too recognizable or not presentable.

The only picture she's managed to get approved of her and Sam is one where Mon's slightly behind her, her laughing face pressed against the side of her shoulder as Sam gives an unamused glare at Tee behind the camera. Mon hadn't really tried to submit too many, even though she wanted to celebrate her lover, because not only did Sam not really care for putting her own picture up online (versus the staged ones Tee, Kade, and Jim did), but Sam was recognizable herself, and potential diplomatic fallout was always a real worry as well. Instead, all her other pics are safely stored on her phone and backed up.

(Ironically, knowing that her own social media accounts were tempered and not a truly full illustration of who she was, Mon had still genuinely believed Sam's were because they matched up so perfectly with the teenager she had known and idolized.)

Speaking of photos, Mon knows she can't do anything about Tee, Kade, Jim, or Yuki (or sometimes Nop or her coworkers) taking pictures of her and posting them themselves, but she's managed to make it clear to all of them what kind of photos she doesn't want them to put up, and by and large her combination of earnest puppy dog eyes and firm requests pulling on their better natures (hah!) does the trick. Of course a few slip through and all Mon can do is hope they get buried and never see the light of day. (I'll let you use your imagination what those could be.)

Mon had wondered if Kade had recognized her when they first met, having known the actor had spent time in Europe, but what she didn't say during the interrogation had told her she hadn't. Which is nice. Kade is a dramatic sweetheart, and aside from telling everyone when she saw her and Sam kissing, she's been a very good friend. Mon had even mused to herself that if her secret ever got out, Kade would probably be the one who would understand it the most due to her lakorn work.

Mon always has to have her phone near in case it's a message or alert from her father or to her in capacity of a member of her royal family. She's so used to checking each alert or vibration as soon as they sound that it doesn't matter where she is or what she's doing. Very rarely does she turn her phone onto Do Not Disturb, but she has the important numbers set to ring anyway. She knows Sam thinks it's because of her being part of Gen Z, and to be honest, Mon plays it up a little. She has to when she does things like:

A vibration, and she's pulling her phone up in the middle of a presentation she's giving about Diversity Pop. A ding! and she's pulling back from Sam's arms to reach over to the bedside table to check Facebook. A ring, and she's excusing herself from the meeting between her, Sam, Kirk, and Noi to discuss her coming back to Diversity, reappearing twenty minutes later with a tight stressed look on her face that only changes into a new tight stressed look when she's informing Sam later that night that she has to fly to England the next day to take care of some things with her father.

*

((Under here is where the continuing fic is. Again, kinda rough because I'm trying to not let myself get too obsessed with making it perfect with these exploratory scenes.))

*

Sam stood up, crossing her arms as she turned to stare at Mon still sitting on the couch. "I thought you weren't going to England."

Mon looked up at her. "I'm not moving there, Lady Sam."

"Then why are you going?"

It was Sam's churlish tone, a step away from becoming angry as she obviously fought to keep from being accusatory, and Mon sighed, nodding. Leaning forward to reach out and slide her hand down Sam's rigid arm, she gently tugged her a little closer so she could use her in suggestion of needing to pull on her to stand up, Sam stubbornly lightly swaying with the motion as if in protest.

Once she was on her feet, Mon managed a smile at Sam, stroking her hands up to wrap around her tensed upper arms. "Lady Sam," she started gently, meeting her gaze, trying to put as much reassurance into her voice and expression as she could, "When I made plans to move there, my father set some things in motion for me and I need to visit him to help him undo them."

"Like what?" It was immediate. Petulant.

"I need to sign some documents, talk in person with a few people..." Studying Sam to make sure she was listening to her, Mon softened her voice even more. She knew Sam was struggling not to panic or jump to conclusions, but Mon needed to do this; needed to meet in person to explain why she wasn't fully assuming her royal status just yet like she had said she was. "My father really stuck his neck out for me, and I want to see him. Help in any way I can." Gently pulling on Sam's still crossed arms until she disentangled them to allow her to take her hands in hers, Mon squeezed them. "Even though I don't regret staying, I feel guilty. ...I have to make things right."

As much as Sam didn't want her to go, Mon didn't want to go either. Aside from seeing her father, there was nothing else in England that made her want to pull away from the lover she had just gotten back, and it hurt to think about being away from her at all. She had focused so intently on England in the past few months, even before deciding to move back, and part of her was just as afraid that if she left to go there, she would be never coming back.

Sam inhaled sharply, looking away. Her body still incredibly tense, she closed her eyes, squeezing them shut for a few moments before turning back. She stared at Mon. "And you're not staying there?"

Mon's heart cracked. She shook her head. "No, Lady Sam." She was going to do everything to make sure she came back. Leaning forward, she closed distance between them with a smile, Sam's gaze automatically dropping to flicker along her lips like they always did even if that was the furthest thing from her mind. "It should only be for a few days. A week at most." Pressing a kiss to the corner of Sam's mouth, Mon straightened back up. She wiggled Sam's hands in hers. "Once everything's settled, I'll be on the very next flight home." Mon knew she sounded more confident than she felt, and she gave Sam another smile. "I promise."

Sam looked at her intently, eyes darkening as she studied Mon's.

Mon gazed back up at her.

Please don't please don't please don't -

Sam did. She lifted her head. "No. I'm going with you."

Even though she had worried about Sam deciding that, Mon flinched, hoping she had misheard her. "What?"

Sam nodded firmly, her normal brash assertiveness suddenly filling her up again. She took over the handhold, fingers wrapping around Mon's slackened grip, tightening as she nodded again. "Yes! That's it. I'm going with you. We'll be together, and then we can even make a trip of it. Since you're already going to be flying, it will be perfect." She sounded excited, assured, certain that would solve the issues as her expression brightened.

No. No no no. Mon stared up at her in alarm. "You can't do that, Lady Sam."

Sam stopped, frowning at Mon. Her brow furrowed. "Why not?" This time, it was a little accusatory.

Mon drew in a breath. "Lady Grandmother still needs your help. I can't forgive myself if I take you away from her."

Blinking as if she hadn't thought about that, Sam dropped Mon's hands, and Mon curled them together in front of herself.

She continued. "And so does Diversity, with Yha and Chin and then myself coming back. The office needs you to keep everything running."

*

[[Fast forward to where Sam and Mon are sitting on the couch again after Sam argues that she doesn't need to stay while Mon sticks to convincing her she does need to stay, because I couldn't find the words and moved on]]

*

"I don't want you to go."

Mon knew it wasn't an order or request. It was a statement, Sam openly showing her her distress, trusting her with how she felt. Trusting her to be able to understand her.

"I just got you back. I don't want to lose you." Sam exhaled thickly, looking up to blink back tears before meeting Mon's gaze again. "Mon... Not again."

Reaching up, cupping Sam's face, Mon swallowed as tears gathered in her own eyes, her thumbs stroking along Sam's cheeks. "I know. If I could push it back any later, I would. We haven't had a lot of time together again, yet." She shook her head, sniffing. "But this is time sensitive. I have to go." Pulling Sam's unresisting head forward to press a soft, slow kiss to her lips, Sam kissing her back, Mon gave Sam the best smile she could muster before moving back in to kiss her again. "I'm not leaving you, Lady Sam." She stroked her fingers through Sam's hair, then dropped them to rest on her shoulders, Sam inhaling jerkily as she suddenly moved forward onto her lap, straddling her. Sliding her arms around Sam's shoulders and shivering as Sam's hands wrapped around her hips in turn, Mon leaned in to kiss her again. It was deeper, longer, Mon trying to press all her affection and love and feelings into it.

When Mon pulled back, Sam swallowed, expression disgruntled even as her hands slid along Mon's back, arms circling around her to pull her closer. "Mon. I know you're trying to distract me."

Mon gave her a small grin. "Is it working?" When Sam only sharpened her look at her, Mon sighed, nodding, and shifted to rest her chin on Sam's shoulder.

Going along with changing their embrace into a hug, Sam lay her head on Mon's.

Mon sat there, breathing against Sam, letting herself just be with her, something that still felt new again and special, something to hold onto with both hands in case this was just a temporary dream.

Finally, Sam swallowed, turning her chin to press a kiss into Mon's hair, her arms tightening momentarily around her. "You understood when I needed to go to Grandmother," she began, voice starting and stopping as if she was still gathering her thoughts as she spoke, "So it's only fair if I do the same for you. You spoke about love needing trust, so I need to trust you that you'll come back to me." Inhaling, Sam's voice broke when she finished in a rough whisper, "But Mon. I'm scared."

Mon's heart broke, and she moved back, taking in Sam's dark, vulnerable gaze. "Lady Sam..."

Sam shook her head, tears starting to build in her eyes again. "I'm scared," she repeated.

She didn't have to say what she was scared about, because Mon knew. It was too soon, still too raw that they had almost lost each other to the same place Mon now had to go to.

Opening her mouth, then thinking better of saying what she was going to, Mon sat up. Settling more of her weight back, towards Sam's lower thighs, she pulled Sam to her chest after a moment of her lover looking at her before closing her eyes and letting her, stroking her hair as she held her. As Sam leaned into her, wrapping around her as she allowed herself in turn to be held, it was strange, being the strong one for Sam, but Mon wanted to be that for her. Needed to show her that she could comfort her too.

"I love you, darling. So, so much. So I don't allow you to be scared," Mon murmured, calling back to the first time she slept over in what was now her and Sam's house. "Hmm? Do you hear me?" She squeezed Sam securely as she poured all her love into her voice, "We're not losing each other, Lady Sam. I'll be back here with you before you know it."

Sam exhaled, making Mon shiver as her warm breath passed through her blouse to caress along sensitive skin, and turned her head to press a lingering kiss to Mon's arm where it curled around her. "I love you too."

And for a little while, it was as simple as that.

[markcarloasuncion]

“HOW DOES MOBILE APPS BECOME PART OF MY DAILY LIFE?”

Given that we currently live in the modern era. Anyone has access to the internet through their smartphones, which are truly important to people's everyday tasks nowadays. It can be used for a wide range of purposes, including education, online businesses, and many other things, where it can be applied as fundamental information to many facets of life.

I can't deny that I still have many things to learn about the course I have been chosen for, even if I decided to pursue a degree in information and communications technology and become a teacher soon. Although it may be difficult to evolve, I hope to see an exciting future, five years or ten years from now on. My aim is to provide important information to my incoming students regarding the significance of using mobile apps and the possible advantages as well as disadvantages that may occur for them.

And now for the very interesting part. I created this blog because I was interested to discuss some of mobile apps that I use the most and provide honest feedback based on my experience dealing those apps carefully and using them in the right manner. Let us start and see! 😁👀

Here's the list of my TOP 10 MOBILE APPS THAT I AM USING IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE:

1. Facebook

2. Google

3. Messenger

4. YouTube

5. Spotify

6. Microsoft Office

7. Canva

8. Google Chrome

9. MVLE Mobile

10. Google Classroom

Facebook is the leading app I am using everyday. Why? Because, I discovered that I could socialize with people using this app in many ways other than face-to-face interactions, such as reacting and commenting to their posts, sharing memes that I saw on newsfeeds and could apply to my real-life status, joining various group pages to share my knowledge, selling things that can generate a profit and starting a business, and a ton of other freely made things.

Google comes in second. This app is already available on all cellphones that you could purchase. However, when it comes to complete my schoolwork and other assignments on time, that's when it becomes resourcefulness for me. I should not really 100% trusted this app, because, there are some things aren't true to know or can be lead into “misinformation” like in the website of Wikipedia. That's why, sometimes, I love to do my self-tasks alone.

The Messenger, the third one. It was an app that linked to Facebook, making it simpler to send messages to people you knew. I have been using this to connect with my teacher and classmates ever since the pandemic. It can't be access whenever I'm offline but, there's another variant of this app which is called, “Messenger Lite” that even basic mode can still access. Unlike the regular version, I guess.

The next one is YouTube. Through this app, I can watch the daily news that I couldn't watch on TV, to gather an additional information about the lessons in school I think it's hard to be understood, have a good time to watch those missed music videos that came from my favorite artists and so much more things to do.

For the fifth place, Spotify is always there at my phone to save me every time. When I listen to songs out there, it makes me heal from everything I pissed off. But, unfortunately, data or Wi-Fi is needed for this app. That's why sometimes, I listen to my download songs playlist. Whenever I don't have an internet to be used it. This kind of music streams is the best app that I had in my whole life and also, you can subscribe for its premium version (just optional only, if you want to remove ads while having a sound trip alone or with your family everywhere, especially, at home).

The two apps next to Spotify are named, “Microsoft Office 365” and “Canva.” Both are eligible to be used and finished on time, the tasks you want to overcome in everyday life. It makes me assist like an instructor that you can learn a lot from these two apps. That's why, I'm thankful that they created a superior & perfect app for every person who have a struggling problems that unable to solve when it comes to work that include time management.

The eighth one is “Google Chrome” that designed to be that's fastest web browser. With one click, it loads web pages, multiple tabs, and applications with lightning speed. Whenever I'm using this app, there will be always ads popping up. So, as a result, I easily annoyed sometimes but, we can't deny the fact that ads is everywhere, even for those online gamers can relate. As what I said, it allows me to set up tabs as many as I can, just in case I needed those pages.

While, the two left apps on my list are called, “MVLE Mobile” and “Google Classroom.” These two educational purpose apps makes me help to fulfill the tasks that I should be finished on time. Aside from that, they're lessons can pin and students can able to download it then, having a takes notes. So, just in case, our instructors may ask some questions about the lessons we read about the learning materials s/he has given through online access.

As I end of my discussion about my experience that I shared here to those TOP 10 mobile apps that I am usually using everyday. I gained a lot of knowledge to them and since everything we use nowadays are related to technology. We can't force ourselves to be able silence but, to inform other people these apps are having an advantages and disadvantages at the same time. But, I would like to say that, “Be a responsible mobile apps user, especially when you're in social media. Think hard first before you click anything, not everything you may see are true. Just be careful with yourself and others that may affect, if ever you do wrongdoings that's not acceptable in our society.”

That's all, I hope you read my blog until the end. Thank you for the time you spend, have a great day ahead!

For more further details about the “Advantages of Disadvantages of Mobile Apps.” Here's the provided link for you:

#individualblog #mobileapps #tumblrapp #livingintheinformationandtechnologyworld

[p-redux]

WARNING TO ALL FANS REGARDING SCAMMERS POSING AS SAM HEUGHAN (Info Directly From Some Of The Victims)

I'm doing a post about this because, over the last year or so, I was approached by at least 4 women who were scammed by Fake Sam and I thought it was important to let fans know the extent of these scams. I want to warn people and hopefully, prevent others from suffering the same fate.

Click on Keep reading for the rest of my post. It's super long because I provide a lot of the details I was told--I think it's valuable info to have.

Soooo, we've all seen Sam periodically post these warnings letting fans know to be careful of scammers posing as him or someone associated with him. And being clear he DOES NOT, WILL NEVER message fans, including on other platforms, such as Google Hangouts or WhatsApp

👇

And a little while ago, there was even an article that addressed this. It talked in detail about a few fans who had gotten scammed out of money by a Fake Sam, and also one woman thought she was in a romantic relationship with Sam. Sadly, they were being fooled. 👇

So, you may have read the article above and thought to yourself, "How could these women believe that was Sam, how could they fall for it? That would never happen to me, I know better." Well, you'd be surprised how sophisticated and manipulative these con artists are.

Here is the experience I had with some fans who DMed me about what happened to them. I'm posting this because it seemed to happen more often than I thought and it happened to women who are intelligent and have life experience. I'm not going to post any identifying info or give too much away about who they are. My main point is to let people know the extent of these con jobs and how far they go, so people can be more vigilant.

A few of the women were approached on Google Hangouts, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc., and were convinced by Fake Sam that it was him. I won't get too into those details because I want to focus on two cases that are very disturbing and these two are much more intricate. And I do think even people who look for red flags could fall for this one type of scam. Let me tell you about it.

These two women in particular were victims of what I call "the long con." Some of these scammers are able to reel people in for years because they have multiple people they're scamming at once, therefore, they can take their time, and make more money that way. While they wait for one victim to fall for the scam, they have several others they are already scamming.

These two women had similar stories. But they don't know each other. They each DMed me to let me know that they met Sam at an Outlander fan convention and at an Outlander fan meet and greet a couple of years ago. They gave Sam something with their name on it, ie. business card, social media account name, something they made for him, or they directly told him their name. Fake Sam later contacted them online to thank them. The account looked just like Sam's verified social media accounts with the same profile pic and with the verified blue check! (As an aside, now that Twitter lets anyone pay a fee and get a blue check verified account, these types of impostors will be even more rampant).

Anyway, after Fake Sam contacted them on his fake "verified" account, he asked them to create an e-mail solely for communicating with him and he would do the same. He said this was necessary because if he continued to communicate on his "verified" account, sometimes his team would have access to it, and they may see the messages. Of course, this was all part of the ruse to make it more believable and create a special secret bond with the victims.

The women believed it was the real Sam because he knew details about what had happened at the convention/meet and greet and described what the women looked like and what they were wearing at the convention/meet and greet! Fake Sam then started communicating with them regularly, all platonic and friendly at first. He won their trust over time, telling them supposed "insider" tidbits that they believed only real Sam would know. The truth was that everything Fake Sam told them were things already out in the fandom or things that anyone could find out if they did a deep data mine, or things certain fan groups were privy to. More on that later...

After months and months of communicating with them, Fake Sam started to reveal that he had developed romantic feelings for them, he made them feel special. He told them despite all his fame and fortune, he was "lonely," and didn't actually have too many close friends. He told them that the women he dated were casual and he didn't have real feelings for them, and that the victims were the only ones who truly understood him. That all his other relationships with younger women, that he realized the women were immature, and he was coming to terms with how much he valued women who were more mature. Imagine how heady that would be for someone, let's just say over 40 aka a mature woman, to hear from someone as gorgeous and sexy as Sam. Very hard to resist. To be clear, Real Sam never said any of the above. This was all Fake Sam.

After over about ONE YEAR of communicating this way, when Fake Sam had good and well won these women's trust and made them feel like he had real romantic feelings for them. And that they knew his secrets, and they had a special bond, Fake Sam suddenly had...you guessed it--"financial troubles" and began asking for money.

Fake Sam made up stories that seemed plausible. He used the special bond he'd cultivated for so long to his advantage. He told them that he couldn't ask family or friends for the money because he was in legal trouble and was "too embarrassed," and didn't want his family or friends to know. But, that since he trusted the victims and he knew "you would never reveal my secrets," that they were "the only person I can turn to for help." Again, all very seductive and hard to resist. Once he established how desperate for help he was, Fake Sam gave even more credence to the story by involving "contacts" he had in the US and the UK. Supposed "management" or his "team" that "people didn't know about" because they took care of his finances behind the scenes. This Fake Management then started to communicate with the victims directly and give info on how to either wire money or directly route to a bank. It all seemed legit and on the up and up if it involved an actual bank.

At this point, most people would ask to talk to Sam on the phone or Facetime, or talk to his supposed management, right? Well, these women did just that. And guess what happened? They actually were given cell phone numbers to call these "managers" and they did talk to them on the phone! Some of the "managers" were female and some were male. And they either had an American accent or an English accent. But, doing their due diligence, the victims asked to talk directly to Sam. One woman thought she was talking to Sam, she said the person sounded "just like Sam." And the other woman insisted on a video call with Sam. And she thought she was talking to real Sam. Well, guess what? For those who are not aware, there is now technology that can fake someone's voice. And even technology that can fake Facetime calls. Google "deepfakes" of celebrities and you will see the scary truth. So, these scammers used advanced technology to literally fake Sam's voice and even his face! The fake videos can only "talk" for so long and can only "say" limited things, so the scammers would find some excuse why the video call dropped, but still it was convincing enough.

So, now that for over a year or more, Fake Sam haddeveloped a relationship with these women, bonded with them, won their trust, he and his "management" asked for the "special" help that only the victims could give. And thus, began the multiple money requests. Lots of money, but only a little at a time, so it wouldn't seem so bad. The scammers explained that Fake Sam was in trouble and if they didn't help him he could face legal problems, "including prison." No one wants to see Sam in prison if they have the means to prevent it, right? The Fake Managers and Fake Sam continued to communicate regularly with the victims and continued to rob them of their hard earned money. Both cases went on for two years!

Eventually, Fake Sam stopped communicating and now the Fake Managers started to align with the victims against Fake Sam by complaining that they weren't getting paid by Sam. Fake Sam promised the victims he would pay them back and also promised to meet them in person. When the scammers had milked the victims of as much money as they knew they could get, they started to back off, communication trickled in. But they didn't want the victims to figure out it was all a lie, so they now made it like Sam was not paying them either and they were going to quit. In the end, Fake Sam stopped communicating and the Fake Managers "quit" for non payment of salaries by Fake Sam.

Even though, Sam is a millionaire, with plenty of rich and famous friends who could help him out if need be, Fake Sam convinced the victims that he couldn't ask those he knew for help because he was "embarrassed" to and because he was "in legal trouble." Devastatingly, one victim lost over $100,000 and another almost $200,000. Yes, you read that right. It's heartbreaking.

I posted this to let people know these scams are real and they continue to happen. And also, to give you my theory on WHO is behind these particular ones, in order to WARN OUTLANDER FANS. The main thing that "hooked" the victims into believing this was real Sam was that he gave them very specific details about their time with him at the conventions and meet and greets AND that he described what the they looked like, including what they were wearing. WHO ELSE but real Sam would know that? Um, OTHER OUTLANDER FANS who were also nearby watching and listening at these conventions and meet and greets! I know, I have goosebumps too. Scarily, my friends, I think these scams are an INSIDE FANDOM JOB. The scammers had to have been there to know details about the victims. In addition, all the insider Sam and fandom info they gave the victims are only things long time fans would know. Soooo, please be very careful at future conventions and meet and greets...and if "Sam" or his "management" happens to contact you afterwards--JUST SAY NO.

And, yes, Sam is well aware. That's why he keeps posting warnings. And the fans talking to Fake Sams continue to think the warnings don't apply to them. Trust me, they do. I'm not going to say more as to not jeopardize anything that's being done to stop these scammers.

PS. Please no victim bashing in the comments. Let's practice compassion for those who have already suffered enough.

Mind blown, right?

[merlumina]

hi there, tumblr

So after quitting all other social media (twitter, instagram, facebook), I found myself 1) pretty lonely tbh and 2) at a loss for how to keep myself creatively motivated and inspired with nowhere to share my work. I'd heard from several people that tumblr is way more chill these days, and while I hesitated at first, I finally decided to give it a try. After a few weeks of waiting from tech support to regain access to my account (pro tip: don't sign up for anything important with your college email address), I regained access yesterday and spent some time doing some tidying up (i. e. deleting most of my old posts and likes).

So...hi! Feels weird to be back. Life has changed so much in the past seven years. It was interesting going back through old posts to relive those times. Since I was last here, this is what I've been up to:

hollowforest and I got married in 2020. While he was unfortunately not able to propose to me at MAGFest after a particularly victorious round of Gundam Xtreme VS, which would have been rad, we settled for eloping at county jail, which is also a cool story.

Ringo, my cat, is still with us! But now we also have a dog, Haru (named after Persona 5 Haru). Yeah I like dogs now. I like pitt bulls now. 2012 me would never.

After years of self-doubt and self-loathing about my life choices, I actually became what I wanted to be when I grew up - a software developer! In late 2020 I took the plunge to do a coding bootcamp and got really lucky being hired into an apprenticeship program before I'd even graduated. Now I'm making those big coding $$$ working from home, literally living the dream and still kind of in awe.

I joined the Diagnosed with ADHD in My 30s club! (Also, I'm in my 30s now)

We bought a house in October, 2022! I did not think it would be possible for the longest time, but due to the big job upgrade we were finally able to afford it.

I've played a lot of video games, but not beaten that many.

I picked up game dev as a hobby and have made a few small games during game jams.

My mental health is overall a lot better now! Part of that is from therapy, part of that is from self reflection, part of that is maybe just growing up. See also: quitting aforementioned social medias.

Improved mental health aside, my hangups about my artistic abilities and creative capacity still haven't improved any in the past 10 years. It's one of my biggest personal insecurities, but also one of the reasons I'm trying Tumblr again! I wanted somewhere to post my practice routine to keep myself accountable, as well as a place to get inspiration from other artists.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to keep this blog focused on art and personal things that make me happy. After I left Tumblr in 2016 I started working on myself and trying to focus on bringing more empathy into my interactions with others. Whether or not I've been successful at that is another matter, but in general it has helped me be a happier person. I am not interested in participating in Discourse. I don't think you can judge the "goodness" of a human based on a handful of things they've said/done online, and I won't be made to cast judgment on anyone. I think we should spend less time tearing down people in our own communities and more time asking why it's so easy for the people in power to trick us into fighting each other. In general, the overall vibe that everyone's social media account is a personal soapbox where they can make declarations about what is Right and what people Should be doing makes me uncomfortable. So I'm going to try not to do any more of that here. I do like still having those discussions sometimes, but I prefer a more personal venue, where I feel like I'm talking with people rather than at them.

Let's be cool to each other! -Liz / merlumina

[sycamorality]

another ask i thought of after sending the previous one

what games besides rw do you like

i like minecraft :]

i used to play it a bunch but recently i just... can't get myself to? void knows why. loved doing hardcore, modded hardcore, half heart hardcore ... u name it. i did Things. and it was fun. fond memories

cattails too! wildwood stories is coming out in a few months.... that's gonna be so fun to play

century age of ashes is fun sometimes. i do like competitive games, i used to play time of dragons before it became abandonware (which sucks because it was so much fun. i spent so much time playing it when it was on facebook of all things) and honestly best time of my life. love games where you can be a dragon/have dragon and fight people. its fun. but you're never getting me to touch a regular fps game. y'better give me a dragon or i'm not touching it

otherwise other games ive played "recently" (within the last 3 years) are henry stickmin, spore, purring quest, slime rancher and a bunch of among us back in mid-late 2020. i met one of my current friend groups through it! really fun

otherwise uhmmm. not sure? i used to play animal jam and a few roblox games a bunch when i was younger

speaking of roblox let me name a few games i play on there actually

sekaiju is SUPER fun, it's like. pokemon but not pokemon and you get to be silly creatures. there's so many typings and it gets hard to remember matchups but eh. also theres LORE. and there's args. actual args that the devs make. it's insane. it's a successor of sorts to doragon's garden and fierce and i played both'a those and they were also fun

shard seekers is fun to just chill in. i like being silly dragon

arcane odessey and world of magic were also fun, though i havent played those in a while

ive also played creature survival games like malgamation's island and creatures of sonaria (please never play cos the community is awful nowadays, void forbid a minawii spam calls and gives you a headache 'n you kill it, suddenly everyone's at your throat because minawii is like. most people's favorite creature an dohhh theyre so innocent they didnt do nothing. anyway)

i used to play pokemon fighters ex back when that was still a thing. prime days ass kicking with the speediest fucking jolteon you've ever seen. now it's monsters of etheria and i still play it from time to time, i love the electric kitty. totally no bias or anything because its like if jolteon was a cat

there's also dragon adventurers, i don't play it a bunch but it's fun just hopping on and running around w any of my dragons

& sometimes i play rp games like foxkin valley, felandia, sundown island, be an alien renewal, dragons life and the early access wof game (though those two not as much as the others)

honestly you could prompt me on any of the rp games & i'd show you the characters i have in them. i'd also be willing to show any of the dragons i have in dragon adventures or creatures i have in sekaiju. they're silly to me

[myonlypen]

A phrase I sometimes think to myself is "capitalism-brained" - meaning only able to view the world and things in it in terms of financial value. That if something doesn't make money, or doesn't help you make money, then it is useless. Financial value being the only kind of value that matters.

There was a tweet a while ago that said something like "I was mocked for making up make-believe worlds when I was in school. Now I see companies like facebook pushing VR I see the real reason my imagination wasn't accepted was because it wasn't effectively monetisable." That's an example of what I'm talking about.

Then whenever there's a discussion about the state of the Welsh language there'll invariably be an English person in the comments insisting that we should just let the language die because it's "useless" and doesn't help your job prospects. Because apparently that's the only reason a language should exist? To facilitate the financial system?

And speaking of English people, one of the few quintessentially English (not British) cultural things I can think of is morris dancing, but that is relentlessly mocked as being something only weirdos do. An aspect of their culture is mocked by the people within that culture. I can't help but think there's some capitalism-brain going on there; folk dancing isn't easily packaged up and sold to the public by corporations, it's something they can do by themselves.

Think about other hobbies that are mocked. Trainspotting - not easily monetisable. Anime was mocked a lot more before easy access to streaming services were available; people had to rely on piracy and fansubs (i.e not giving a company money). Heck, using the internet used to be for "nerds" until companies worked out how to make money from that.

Maybe I'm getting cause and effect mixed up in a couple of cases here; that the thing was socially unacceptable anyway and companies pushed for it to be acceptable once they could make money, as opposed to my original point that things were unacceptable because they weren't monetisable.

It's still something I'll keep mind though. It's good to know how people's worldviews can be limited by their environment so you can better recognise when your own thoughts might be being limited.

[unloaded-fire]

Some women make me uncomfortable

So I joined this support group online that started as a Facebook group and someone made a Discord server for it. Unrelated but with access to the same people, for the most part.

There is this one girl who is driving me crazy (Let's call her Marge). She reminds me of my mom with the way she seeks attention, so I guess it's just a trigger. But for a while I was enjoying both groups. I noticed that she wouldn't reply to things I wrote because when this other girl (Lets call her Duckie) she would be replying like crazy.

Well one day I was saying good morning to everyone on Facebook, spuing positivity. I had already said hi in Discord and wasn't engaging that much with Marge because she wanted someone to talk to on the phone. Anyway Marge pops over to Facebook and sends a Voiceclip saying how she is the "temporary admin, just kidding i'm a nobody. Im just the one who is inviting you to the discord"

For the next few days she would interrupt conversations to complain and have people give her attention instead. And then not too long later, she was promoted to an admin of the discord group. 🙄

Today I decided to mention something about Marge complaining outside of he complaint section and that she has pictures of her bruised foot everywhere because she would mention how she stubbed her toe in every conversation in efforts to get attention. And Duckie came right in to protect her. hahahaha

I guess I can be a dick sometimes 🤷‍♀️ But I promise you that I said things as kindly as possible. Marge apologized for not understanding where to type things. (No offense but she does. And as a new admin, how can she lead without knowing what is going on?)

Just popping in to let some steam out and type my feelings out instead of being a direct dick in the group chat!

Bonus! In therapy today, my therapist told me that continuing to give her attention when I am not in the mood to is just me enabling her and giving her what she is looking for. I was, at first, commenting on everything Marge said so that she felt heard and not lonely. But that's literally not my job and I don't need to overextend myself to people. Especially if it triggers me to feel some sort of ways.

So basically I have permission to not engage and to not be a people pleaser. And I needed that. :)

PS did not edit before posting (:

[helloitshaley]

do you guys wanna know what irks me? No? Okay, buckle up.

It is a big pet peeve of mine when people spell my name wrong but LET ME EXPLAIN!!!! so my name is Haley, right? And there are several different ways my name can be spelled. If you are someone who has never seen my name written down, has never been told how to spell my name, or doesn't have quick access to something to see how my name is spelled then I really do not care whatsoever if you spell my name the wrong way! That is totally understandable and you can't be mad at someone for something the didn't know!

Now here is what irks me, and I'm going to paint a picture with the scenario that annoyed me this time. Okay for my one job there is a facebook group chat. Now any time my one co worker will address me in that chat, she does not spell my name right. Its either the ai or ay version, but never the correct one. Also, she doesn't just stick with one or the other, its always a mix of ai or ay, sometimes in the same conversation. NOW HERE IS WHY THAT PISSES ME OFF. Number one, we've been working together for 2 years, she has been given my email, which has my name in it, we are in that facebook chat where it says my name, and she has friended me on facebook (which is chill with me bc i only lurk i never post on fb). She has so much access to the correct spelling!

Not to mention that when you type someones name into the facebook chat, that person will pop up as a suggestion for you to tag, so she would never need to spell more than Ha and my name would be RIGHT THERE, so its almost as if she is going OUT OF HER WAY to spell my name wrong.

this is really under my skin this time, normally I would be annoyed for like 5 minutes then move on, but this got me BECAUSE I think its her way of being underhanded and disrespectful! I've had a suspicion for a while that she really doesn't like that I have a 'higher position' than she does. This is something I thought I was being paranoid about and reading too much into until another coworker confirmed my suspicion so now I'm on red alert baby! All the little comments and attempts to undermine me in the past are adding up! So I think she spells my name wrong as some weird power move??????? Idk I just needed to rant for a bit this has been building up for a while.