#and i don't yet know enough about the exact Whys involved to make the choice on my own?

[dontwanderoff]

roasting a whole chicken for the first time and bit rude of every single recipe to do everything so different

[lucysarah-c]

heyy could you write something about how really levi would confess his feelings? you write so good about him and i just can’t imagine how the canon levi would confess like with words or gestures.

thank you so muchhh

Hi, dear! How are you?

Awww, thank you for saying that! I hope that I keep writing Levi well enough for your enjoyment.

Ah!! You know, I had this EXACT same issue when I had to write Levi confessing in my long fic Levi x reader! I was like, "nothing felt good enough or in-character enough," and to this day, I am PROUD of that declaration!

So ... I'll copy and paste it. Hope you like it! I'll cut certain parts because you don't need them.

If I was conflicted before, this was the moment I truly lost it all: “I want you,” the first part came out confident, but the following part not so much. “No,” as he frowned at his choice of words. “I like you,” he said, less stoic than the first declaration, but there were no doubts about it. His voice shook slightly as the challenge of opening his heart was enormous for him, making his usual stoic appearance and monotone voice disappear into the dark. Leaving him completely vulnerable under my scrutiny. "No, you don’t,” I refused and cut his speech before he could go any further. “Tch, you will never know what I want if I never say it and neither will I know what you want. So don’t go around assuming shit. No, I don’t want to be your friend, and neither do I want to find someone who fits the spot, force you into this or hear that I don’t know what I feel. I’m old enough to be aware of who I want to get involved with. I’ve no idea what he said to you, but I know what I said and I don’t go around saying that to anyone. I don’t say shit I don’t feel, so cut the reading between the lines because I mean what I say or I don’t fucking say it.” There was a momentary pause before he kept going. “If you don’t feel ready for whatever reason, fine, I don’t mind or care or need an explanation. I also know my limits. Waiting isn’t one of them. I’m patient if it’s needed. But sharing? Sharing isn’t in my fucking dictionary, that’s my limit. I don’t want to go around playing shitty games, questioning myself if you’re interested in me, or your ex or any other fucker. Y/N, I have little to fucking offer compared to your other well-raised bastards and I won’t lie about it. I’m loyal, so I won’t go to another chick because you didn’t suck my dick. I’m honest, sometimes too fucking much from what I’ve been told. And god bless the sucker that lays a finger on you; that person would wish to be dead instead. I don’t have a pot to piss in, nor a last name. But if what I said is enough for you, I’ll wait for what it takes. Only if you want me to wait. If not, I walk you to your room and that’s the end of the fucking deal. No harsh shit, I’m man enough to take a no for an answer” Levi appeared to lose his nonchalant facade as his defeated appearance kicked in because of my silence as if he silently said “got it, it’s a no. I don’t know why I got my hopes up”. “If this is another yes or no question, then my answer is yes,” I replied confidently, yet blushed as a sweet smile appeared on my face slowly as I tried to ease out my nerves. Levi couldn’t hide his surprise as he looked at me. Trying to process my positive reply as if it was real, a joke or he was dreaming. Levi stood there probably thinking ‘… not even in my wildest dreams I conceived the option of it working out’ I was expecting him to do the next move, as I was used to, but he seemed so nervous all of a sudden. As if his entire insouciant, stoic self abandoned his body and left him there as a physical representation of ‘I don’t know, I never thought I’d get this far,’ “Are you…” I began the question, slightly tilting my head to follow his confusion, “are you going to kiss me or…?” That snapped him back into his usual self. His calloused hand grabbed the left side of my face, his fingers wrapped around the back of my neck as it forced to be tilted and with little height difference, he pressed his lips against mine. His rough lips moved skillfully against them and I tried to follow him. It was demanding and possessive, owning and strong. My right hand landed on his chest for support as I shyly moaned in his mouth when he tilted to the side to claim my lips better. His hand grabbed my hip and pushed it against his. My breath was getting taken away, and I thought this was, once more, scaling quickly while I got myself ready to part my lips. But Levi broke the kiss as if that was a normal kiss for him. I, who was used to quick, shy pecks on these occasions; wondered if I would ever get used to this. ‘A man of unambiguous and little words, but passionate kisses,’ I thought.

Hope you like it! <3

[in1-nutshell]

I am once again humbly asking for more Brainstorm.

Brainstorm with a human buddy that, while not the most scientifically inclined, is very chaotic and excitable and is just a pure enabler for his bullshit.

Like Brainstorm will just be going on about his latest invention, and Buddy will just be sitting there listening to him, not really understanding what he's saying but they heard the words explosive, so they're on board.

dealers choice for platonic or romantic, i just want to see more of this funky little man

Hello again! It's nice to see people appreciate this mad scientist. I know Buddy surely appreciates his more explosive weapons.

Hope you enjoy!

Brainstorm and Human Buddy who loves explosives

SFW, platonic, mentions explosions, Human reader

MTMTE

Ever since they met, Buddy had been drawn to Brainstorm.

They couldn't tell you when their friendship started. Brainstorm couldn't tell you either.

But Ultra Mangus can tell the exact moment when his processor ache started.

Buddy and Brainstorm start clicking.

Ultra Magnus in his office.

"Someone is thinking about shenanigans..."--Magnus

It's no secret to everyone on board that Buddy loves explosives. The crew found out about it during the Pepper spray Incident.

An incident consisting of Pepper spray, pepper, a battery, engex, and Whirl.

That was also the day Whirl swears he found his soulmate. Or a good friend. He still doesn't know yet.

Brainstorm quickly figures out that Buddy isn't as scientifically inclined as he is. But then again not many bots are, besides Perceptor of course.

"Hey Brainstorm..."--Buddy

"What is it?"--Brainstorm

"In the hypothetical situation, I managed to set a binary gun on fire from the inside. What would happen if I put water on it?"--Buddy

"Well that a strange-wait you did what?! Where is it?!"--Brainstorm

"Oh it's right over there."--Buddy

"Why is it there!?"--Brainstorm

"I don't know I thought it was a good idea!"--Buddy

"How is putting it on the top shelf a good idea!? How did you even get up there?!"--Brainstorm

"I don't know!"--Buddy

Brainstorm does appreciate Buddy making an effort to understand his science rambles.

Does Buddy space out sometimes? Yes, they do.

Does Buddy try to contribute the conversation with zero understanding. Yes, they do and Brainstorm loves them for that.

Buddy wants to be in on any experiments that have explosives involved. Brainstorm, while he loves the enthusiasm, knows that Buddy shouldn't be around so much of it.

"Please, Percy! I want to see the cool experiment!"--Buddy

"I'm sorry Buddy but this one is simply too dangerous, especially for your organic nature can't withstand these conditions."--Perceptor

"Brainstorm?"--Buddy

"Percy's right Buddy. Your organic form can't handle this one."--Brainstorm

"Thank you Brainstorm."--Perceptor

"Which is why you need this exosuit to watch us do it!"--Brainstorm

"Yeah Brainstorm!"--Buddy

"No Brainstorm!"--Perceptor

If someone tries to give Buddy a hard time for not being intelligent enough, Brainstorm is ready and armed. No one is going to make his friend feel like a worthless intelligent slug, they are the ones who are the worthless unintelligent slugs!

"So you thought it was a good idea to go and tell Buddy that they were some dumb organic. Your words to be exact."--Brainstorm

"So? They are. All organic life forms are dumb and worthless.""--Random bot

" Oh I think my accomplice and I would disagree. Isn't that right Whirl?"--Brainstorm

Whirl with two blasters in his claws.

"You picked the wrong fleshy to mess with."--Whirl

Shoots Random bot in the knee.

"That's for messing with My Buddy!"--Whirl

"Your Buddy?"--Brainstorm

"I'm still working on it!"--Whirl

[nyxielovespythons]

Why NejiTen should be canon

Before I say anything, I can recognise that NejiTen is not canon, although I want it to be lol. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, so I ask that you respect mine, and if you want to challenge it, you can *politely* do that in the comments.

The major countering ships to NejiTen are: NejiHina and LeeTen, so I will talk you through why these ships don't work out.

First with LeeTen (because I don't want you quitting after the drama of NejiHina). Lee and Tenten are seen as very close throughout the series, though Tenten makes it clear that she finds Lee annoying and hot-blooded. This is the opposite to Neji, who Tenten seems to admire a lot, since she liked to train with him, and even put on lipstick in the manga for his chūnin exam finals. They seem like the perfect best friend duo, in my opinion. Romance doesn't need to be involved in every since best friend duo, there are enough of them already. In the Boruto series, Lee is seen with his son, Metal Lee. Many think that Tenten is the mother, due to the eye shape, and I think she could easily be. I mean, she's the only kunoichi in Konoha in the same age group as Lee (I think, I haven't fact checked yet), and the girl in his team. Tenten is probably the easiest choice for Lee's wife that Kishimoto could've made. However, if they were to be married and have had a son together, they would now be divorced. This therefore means, that if they had got married, then the relationship would not have worked out, and LeeTen would've failed. If they had not got together, then Lee would've married a different woman, and even if Lee then divorced that mystery woman, they clearly do not have mutual feelings for each other any more. They might have had feelings for each other, at different stages of their lives, but they either both grew out of their crushes or it was only one-sided to begin with.

Second. The NejiHina incident. I'm sorry, but I will have to go on for even longer than LeeTen, because some people don't understand that this ship is incest, and I'll tell you why. Excluding the fact that Neji had strong resentment towards Hinata for quite a period of time, they still wouldn't work out. Their relationship only evolved into *family* love, as confirmed by Kishimoto, just as Boruto loves Himawari, or Temari loves Gaara. What's wrong with a "big brother-little sister love"? Why must everyone make everything romantic? Neji cares deeply for his cousin, as does Hinata. She calls him 'Big Brother Neji', showing that she only sees him as her older brother. Besides, Hinata was so deeply in love with Naruto, she would've never agreed to the marriage. Moving on, a lot of people, from a range of cultures, some of which invite cousin relationships, think that Neji and Hinata getting married and producing heirs is okay. Some of them (purposely?) forget that the reason you don't have kids with your sibling is because it increases the chance of genetic defects dramatically. Although having kids with your cousin is legal (at least where I am), it still has quite a high risk. These people try and back it up by saying that the Hyūga clan would've wanted a pure Hyūga-blooded heir. Hm... Uchiha clan, anyone? Sure, this was common, but there are plenty Uchihas that are so distantly related that it would be fine to have offspring (such as Itachi and Izumi). The same could be said about the Hyūgas. Maybe Neji would've been their best option for a pure blood husband, but there would've been other choices, more people that were much further distanced in relation. I've got this far, and I haven't even mentioned another key fact: you know that Hiashi and Hizashi are twin brothers, right? Identical twins, to be exact. Lemme show you something: "Identical (i.e., monozygotic, or MZ) twins share 100 percent of their genes". You see that? It means that Hiashi and Hizashi share the same DNA. And this means that Neji and Hinata are genetically closer than cousins. They're actually genetically half-siblings. Hm. The Hyūgas are smart enough to figure out that it probably isn't the best idea to inbreed them, right? Well. That doesn't matter, because even if they overlooked all this incestuous evidence, there's this. Hinata isn't even the current heiress. If Neji survived the war, he would not have married Hinata in Boruto. If the Hyūga clan forced him to marry the heiress, and have children to keep a pure bloodline, he would've married Hanabi. Hanabi is the current heiress, so she would be the one married to Neji. Got it yet? Neji and Hinata would never have happened.

The last reason NejiTen should be canon: their chemistry. Tenten is shown to greatly admire and respect Neji, constantly calling him a genius, and she has blushed because of him in the manga several times. He believed in her abilities enough to sit under the practice dummy she was hitting with kunai. Neji comments that her fight would be interesting, showing that he thinks she is a good fighter. He is also shocked at her defeat, further proving that. In the first databook, Kishimoto confirms that Neji and Tenten trained every day for a month in preparation for Neji's chūnin match against Naruto. During this training, Neji reverse engineered and perfected the moves only reserved for the main branch of the Hyūga clan, mainly the Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms and the Eight Trigrams Palms: Revolving Heaven. You should also note that while all the other contestants trained with jōnin, Neji chose to train with Tenten. "During one of their training sessions, birds are shown flying in the sky and Tenten tells him that she is exhausted and can't keep going. Neji responds that he thinks he used too much of his chakra and faints. Tenten is seen running to him and asks him if he's alright." Tenten wore a different outfit to watch Neji's match, and as I said, in the manga she also wore lipstick. After his fight with Kidomaru, Neji remembers seeing Lady Tsunade with Tenten. In the Shippuden, during Team Gai's fight with Kisame, Neji rushes to Tenten's side when she seems to struggle in the Water Prison.

In the image above, it shows the two finishing each other's sentences. They can communicate with little dialogue and know what the other is thinking with only one word. Tenten winks at Neji and invites him to go to the bathhouse with her, both in the anime and the manga. Later, after Neji's death, in the manga, she expresses anger, thinks about Neji and asks why he left her. In her memory, Neji doing the "nice guy pose," which has been performed in the past by Gai, Naruto and Lee. The pose signifies that one will keep their promise until death, as Lee states to Sakura during the beginning of the Sasuke retrieval arc after Naruto does the pose and promises to her that he will get Sasuke back. Neji doing this pose before Tenten implies that he promised her something that he intended to fulfill until his death. In the anime, Tenten holds her hands in a prayer and asks why he left her as she remembers Neji doing this "nice guy pose" to her, then she walks away crying and says that she's never going to forgive him. The implied promise that Neji made to her is not known, but it was significant enough for Neji, who tends to be stoic and serious, to use the cheerful and significant pose his "hot-blooded" sensei and teammate have used in the past. When caught in the Infinite Tsukuyomi, Tenten dreams of more mature versions of Lee and Gai as well as Neji being alive and by her side. She's the only person whose Tsukuyomi dream involves not only Neji being alive, but being with him.

They are shown constantly beside one another throughout the entire story, similar to the couples Asuma and Kurenai, and Shikamaru and Temari. While Neji is very formal and strict, he is shown to be comfortable around Tenten. He isn't shown to mind when she teases him or winks at him. He is also rarely portrayed as a character who apologizes to anyone, but he is shown apologizing to Tenten. In both the manga and anime, birds are present during the scenes where Neji and Tenten are shown alone together. In the manga, the only male character Tenten is shown alone with is Neji.

Other Trivia include:

Tenten's name and Neji's themes compliment each other. "Tenten" literally translates to "heaven heaven" in Chinese, while "Hyūga" translates to "place in heaven." In the new Chūnin Exams arc, Neji is shown holding two heaven scrolls with the characters 天天

Tenten's weapons shop in Boruto is named 忍具転転転, which directly translates to "Ninja Tools Turn Turn Turn." Furthermore, the characters "具転転" in the name translate to "revolving." Thus, the name of Tenten's weapons shop can be a reference to one of Neji's primary moves, Eight Trigrams Palms Revolving Heaven.

During the blank period, Tenten wears a uniform that includes a dress with a flame pattern similar to the flame in the Hyūga clan's emblem.

Neji and Tenten are depicted as compatible: the Databooks reveal that Neji is a Cancer and Tenten is a Pisces. In Western astrology, Cancer and Pisces are considered a compatible and harmonious pairing. The Databooks list Neji's blood type as O and Tenten's blood type as B. The blood type personality theory popular in Japan considers O and B blood types romantically compatible.

Neji, during his death, is portrayed as a Phoenix on fire. In the anime, Tenten utilizes the moves "Twin Rising Dragons" and "Exploding Dragon Strike." In Chinese folklore, the Phoenix and Dragon pair symbolize perfect harmony and balance between yin (Phoenix) and yang (Dragon).

Among the Konoha 11, Neji and Tenten were the only ones who were 18 years old during the Shinobi war, whereas Naruto and Hinata were 16 years old and the rest were 17.

Neji and Tenten share the same hairstyles as Hashirama Senju and his wife Mito Uzumaki.

[scoobydoodean]

I think part of the reason Cas hates Crowley and dislikes Benny (at first) so much is that both of them don’t self-sacrificingly resist from ever asking Dean for anything and do pursue a relationship with him (argue over whether it’s romantic, or whatever). I think Cas is sort of unable to handle the transition between the way things work in heaven (heavily regimented, everyone knows who they are to each other) and on Earth (lots of feeling out boundaries). I think the disconnect people are expressing is they don’t understand that Cas’ discomfort isn’t Dean’s fault, even if it is relatable/makes sense from the perspective of a very isolated character who has already lost all sense of belonging and fears jeopardizing that further by asking for literally anything from the few friends he has left. Cas didn’t hide how he felt for Dean’s benefit (though he may have told himself that), he did it for himself. And that’s totally understandable, but like you said, you can’t have a real relationship if you never communicate what you want out of it. And that is again, not Dean’s fault.

That's interesting about Crowley and Benny. This is definitely all a perspective I can respect.

I think from my perspective, what Cas struggled with with Benny early on (and Purgatory is a good example of most of Dean and Cas's problems actually), is that Benny immediately wanted an answer as to why Cas abandoned Dean in Purgatory. Dean actually would have been willing to brush it under the rug (this is the guy who rewrote his own memories of what transpired at the portal to make it so Cas didn't intentionally let go of his hand). Benny was willing to poke into the issue, and he did, in fact, find some hot air in that balloon. Cas and Benny both agreed that Cas was a liability, but Cas did believe in his own integrity (at least when it came to his choices on "The Best Ways To Protect Dean Winchester"—which in this case, involved bailing). The thing is... "protecting Dean" isn't the entire explanation for Cas's actions (see 8.07), and that's why Cas didn't like Benny poking at him. He'd suffered enough hits to his self-image and didn't want to deflate any further (and I'm not entirely sure Cas knows yet why he might deflate further if pressed—but Benny—the person with the objective outsider's view—is shrewd enough). Even if "Protecting Dean" was the sole reason for Cas's actions, it's bullshit anyway, because Cas proves while doing it that he doesn't actually see Dean's opinions and feelings about the best ways to protect Dean as relevant to protecting Dean, and... they are. Not just because Cas isn't always right and needs someone to challenge his perception (maybe abandoning Dean to a pack of gorilla-wolves isn't the best way to protect him... shocking idea I know), but also because Cas isn't capable of understanding Dean better than Dean understands himself, and actually has no idea how badly he can actively harm Dean (the exact opposite of what he is trying to do) through actions that are intended to protect Dean.

Does Cas realize that he treats Dean's feelings as irrelevant when he is off doing Hot Girl Summer things, and that he frequently wounds Dean while trying to protect him? Of course not—which is how he isn't actually Chuck or John 2.0. He's got a lot of issues going on in his life, like being raised in the equivalent of a weird religious cult where free will was frowned upon, losing a lot of his strength over the course of the series which he stocks the majority of his self-esteem into, lots of siblings with very different expectations, speciesism, homophobia (speciesphobia?), repeated lobotomies, and like you said... cultural differences (we actually don't talk about this enough lmao).

As a clarification, what I'm arguing isn't exactly that Cas didn't communicate what he wanted out of the relationship and therefore his stans can't blame Dean for Cas's issues (though I would agree with that argument). I'm actually arguing that Cas pre-decided, without an actual conversation or input from Dean or clarification of what he might think if all the cards were on the table, that a relationship with Dean was impossible. What he wanted was something he could never have. So he specifically did not communicate his feelings. Instead, he slotted himself into Dean's life in a very specific way—and it wasn't in a romantic way (move over, "Dean needs to pull his head out of his ass" truthers—your ideas aren't just patronizing—they're wrong—hope this helps <3). Cas intentionally slotted himself into Dean's life such that he was Dean's guardian, ready to be martyred in his name to achieve sainthood. The object of his affections was Dean Winchester though, not Moloch, so that blood offering wasn't smelling super tasty to his god of choice... and Cas never did quite get that part—that every single one of his blood offerings smelled less like tasty morsels of bacon and pie and more like repeatedly stacking proof that Dean Winchester is poison and anyone who falls in love with him slated for a violent horrible death... his touch is worse than Midas's.

[angel-dust-addict]

//I don't think I've written about this headcanon yet. I will warn that it involves Angel's death, meaning I'm going to be talking about drug abuse and death by overdose. So if those are bad topics for you, please mind your mental health.

We know Angel died of an overdose. And we know he died in 1947. Meaning angel dust wasn't actually what killed him. PCP didn't show up until the mid 1950s. Something that was much more common at the time of Angel's death was opiates. Angel used various sorts of drugs to get through his day to day life. He probably started off with laudanum and alcohol. Seeing as he was disowned and ended up involved in prostitution in the mid 1930s, that's likely where that started. Laudanum wasn't as common by that point, but you could still find it. And laudanum does contain opiates. So from there, he moved on to other opiates. That culminated in a heroin addiction and that was what ended up killing him.

Heroin is what's referred to as a "downer," which is the opposite of his drug of choice in my writing of him, as MDMA is an "upper." (PCP is also an upper.) An upper boosts the user's mood and can intensify certain experiences. That's why my Angel uses it, primarily before shows or filming or if he knows something's going to happen to him that he can't handle sober. It provides a flood of serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine that helps him get to a place where he doesn't care and just feels good. A downer, by contrast, slows the nervous system and produces a feeling of calm. That feeling of calm was why Angel started abusing things like alcohol and laudanum.

That also gets into why heroin is so dangerous. Downers are generally central nervous system depressants. Meaning they slow the functioning of the central nervous system. That's why drunk people have trouble with things like speech and walking in a straight line. But your central nervous system runs literally your entire body. It's the thing that keeps your heart and diaphragm moving. It's what keeps you alive. So if you take too much of something that's a central nervous system depressant, or if you take multiple things that are and they interact, then it can cause you to stop breathing.

That's what happened to Angel. Heroin can be difficult to dose and may be laced with other substances. That makes it even harder to determine the actual dose. On top of that, if you are chemically dependent, it's going to produce a craving that requires greater and greater quantities to satisfy as your body becomes inured to it over time. But too high an amount can kill you. And it's both hard to gauge what "too much" actually is and it's hard to care when your body is demanding its fix.

Angel would have felt calm and unworried while he was drunk or high on laudanum. It would have been easier to handle what was done to him. As he started needing more opiates and as laudanum became increasingly difficult to find, he turned to other things. I don't know the exact progression just yet, but it culminated in heroin. And like anything, he began to develop a tolerance. So he needed more. And then more. And then even more. Until eventually, he shot up with enough heroin to depress his central nervous system until he stopped breathing. He essentially suffocated to death because his nervous system couldn't tell his diaphragm to move so that his lungs could take in air.

Mercifully, he doesn't have any clear memories about his death. He remembers shooting up, so he does know what happened to him. But at the point when he stopped breathing, everything was so hazy that he couldn't even focus well enough to know he was dying. It would have taken several minutes for him to die. There are worse things, in that a few minutes isn't very long. But it's still not a pleasant process. As he continued being unable to breathe and take in more oxygen, his bodily functions would have ground to a halt, because the systems that drove them would begin to shut down. A lack of oxygen to the brain would have made him even less coherent and eventually that would have caused him to black out. So when he says he ended up comatose, he genuinely did. For several minutes at least, until his body finished shutting down.

So there you have a fairly detached, science-y explanation of Angel's death. There are so many factors I could talk about when it comes to the question of who or what killed him. But as much as I love that sort of analysis, it's not really on topic here. So I'll just leave you with the fact that a heroin overdose is what killed Angel in the end.

[illyaana]

Cursive Ink - Yamaguchi Tadashi

Collab: Pain Tolerance by @haikyutiehoe

Thanks for making this collab, hun! the idea of pierced and/or tatted anime characters got me squealing~! Do check out the other works involved in the collab in the link up there~

Tags: Yamaguchi's POV, Angst, Fluff, Yamaguchi x Tattoo Artist! Reader, Binaural

Synopsis: Love never really goes the way we plan it to be - and Yamaguchi was no exception. His failed confession to his former best friend left him heartbroken. However, his decision to go to a tattoo parlour may have been the best (and craziest) choice he's ever made in his life. (I also believe Yamaguchi is pansexual, so don't get so confused XD)

Word Count: 2552

A bit of context: In Japanese, 'Yama' means mountain, 'Tsuki' means the Moon

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Want to get a personalized drabble about your love life with an anime character you like? Check out my 50 followers event's post here! You can choose any character from BNHA, Haikyu!!, AOT, JJK and Kuroko no Basketball <3

“Yamaguchi, no,” Tsukishima said, pulling his hand away from my hand.

“Why are you lying to yourself? I know you feel the same way, Tsuki - don’t lie to yourself.”

“I don’t, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said, eyes turning cold, “I am not gay - I am a straight, heterosexual male. I love women and women only.”

Lies.

You are lying to me.

You are in love with me.

You are already mine, Tsuki - just wake up and see it.

I know you can.

what was that kiss under the tree when we were kids?” I whispered, not wanting my voice to break, “If you never loved me, why kiss me, Tsuki?”

“We both agreed that it was a mistake, didn’t we?” The blonde male said, anger rising, “We both agreed - not just me.”

I said yes - I know I did.

That doesn’t mean I meant it.

You know me, Tsuki - I’ll agree to everything you’ll say.

Why aren’t you realising it?

I’ve waited for so many years for you to ask me out, but you never did.

I’m here, right in front of you, asking you to be mine - just say yes.

I don’t want to wait anymore - it’s too painful.

“I lied, okay?!” I scream, “I loved you ever since we were kids, Tsuki. I want to be the one you come back to when you leave, the only one you kiss, the only one you hug, the only one you dream about - I want to be that to you. Is that so hard to believe?!”

I hugged myself, not wanting to break down anymore.

That small hug was the only thing stopping me from letting all hell break loose.

I had kept this in ever since I knew Tsuki - ever since he saw him in that park.

I knew everything about the tall male. The way he smiles, the way he hides his anger when he wants to be respectful, his secret love for dinosaurs, his soft side, his small quirks - I knew it all like the back of his hand.

I knew what he needed to be the middle blocker’s lover, and I was willing to sacrifice myself to be the best thing for Tsuki.

One thing was clear in my head; Tsuki felt the exact same way.

“Yamaguchi, I’m sorry. I don’t love you the way you want me to,” Tsukishima said, kneeling beside the green-haired male.

“I don’t believe that.”

I forced his lips on Tsukishima’s.

I closed my eyes, trying to memorise how the lines of his soft and pale lips felt on his - how it softly caressed my lips without even responding to the intimate kiss I was trying to initiate.

I felt Tsukishima trying to push me away, but I didn’t let go of the male’s collar.

He already took my first kiss - what is the difference if I took another?

The second our lips left each other’s, Tsukishima punched my nose.

Blood dripped from my nose, but I couldn’t care less.

“Don’t you fucking call me Tsuki ever again, dumbass. Better yet, don’t call me.”

My last day of high school ended with blood and tears, but the pain in my heart from losing my best friend hurt more.

⁜

⁜

⁜

I stared at the stars, lying down in the little treehouse we made as kids in my backyard.

I tried to cry it all out, but I couldn’t.

I feel cheated by you, Tsukishima Kei.

You made me make you my everything.

My voice was tuned to calm you down.

My hands we moulded to keep you warm.

My life was made to keep you safe, but you don’t need me to be you.

But I do - I need you to be me.

One-sided crushes are the worst form of love, aren’t they?

You give it all for that one person - to please and cherish them.

They just think it’s just a form of showing how strong your friendship is, but you want more.

You are the only one who wants more.

You are the one crying at night about how you wished they were by your side.

You are the one craving for their touch.

You want them, but they don’t want you.

I don’t care about you bruising my face, Tsukishima-san.

I care about you fucking me up like this.

I will no longer wait for your messages.

I will no longer look at your tweets and be the only one giving reactions.

I will erase you from my narrative, Tsukishima-san.

You can wonder about how much you’ve hurt me when I have reached somewhere you can’t even touch me.

⁜

⁜

⁜

“You are absolutely sure about this, right?” Hinata said, worry laced in his words.

I open the doors to the tattoo parlour and I was instantly mesmerized. The walls were filled with such intricate designs - sizes ranging from as small as a finger to as big as my whole body. The smell of fresh ink slowly hit me, reminding me of my schooling years.

“I am sure, Hinata. I was planning to do this ever since I was small, either way. I just wished it was under better circumstances,” I reply, eyes locked on all the flower motifs.

I always wanted a tattoo - it didn’t matter how big or small it was. I always thought of how beautiful the idea was - to have something permanently inked on your skin to remind you of who you were. Flowers drew with such hidden meaning, curved lines speaking words of poetry, ideas brought into life - tattoos are an artist’s masterpiece meant to paint on my skin as a canvas.

“Do you want me to stay? I don’t mind waiting here with you - “

“Weren’t you supposed to meet up with Kageyama later today?” I remind him, chuckling.

“That man is late for everything. I think he can handle me coming late for once.”

“I’m seriously okay, Hinata! Go get ready, I’ll send a picture when it’s done,” I say as I push him out of the shop.

“Okay, okay - make sure to send me that picture!” He said as he ran out of the shop.

Why follow me if you’re itching to leave?

“That friend of yours has really bright orange hair - is it dyed or natural?” I hear someone say.

Holy shit, you’re hot.

“Oh - uh- um- It’s natural,” I say, forming some space between us.

Holy shit, you’re hot.

You tied half of your hair in a small bun, showing me the small, intricate designs on your neck. Flowers decorated your soft skin, moving down under your shirt’s sleeve. Small golden piercings decorated your ears. They were encrusted with gems of various colours that shifted under the soft lighting gracing your skin.

You looked so beautiful I couldn’t stop staring.

“So, do you have an appointment?” You asked, breaking my train of thought.

“N- no.”

Stop stuttering, Yamaguchi Tadashi.

“First time, huh?” you smiled, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. The pain is different for everyone, but I think you can handle it.”

“T-Thanks.”

God, stop stuttering.

“God, you’re cute,” you laughed while looking at my frazzled face, “Don’t worry, my dearest client - you’re in capable hands. Come - let’s discuss your design, shall we?”

You grabbed my wrist and brought me to your corner, leaving me blushed mess.

Cute.

They called me cute.

I’m breathing, right?

Okay, I’m breathing.

As we were walking, I got to see the back of your neck - more specifically, a part of your tattoo.

It was a blossoming rose - a huge one. It had vines that grew from it, encircling your whole neck, moving down your shirt and reaching the tips of your fingers. Smaller roses grew from it, branching even smaller vines surrounded by leaves.

I wanted to know the story behind that tattoo. It looked so beautiful yet so dark. The thorns that came from certain vines alarmed me, but I kept my thoughts to myself. My attention was brought to your piercings - more specifically, the design of the encrusted jewels. They were flowers, as well. In the middle of each jewel held a line of gold that branched out, just like the vines of your tattoo.

“Oh, you’re looking at my tattoo and piercings, aren’t you?” You ask, eyebrow raised.

“Is it okay if I am?” I ask, worried.

You laughed.

“Of course it’s fine. Who would get a tattoo and not prepare for all the staring? Not going to lie, here - these piercings and that tattoo help me fuel my ego. After all, everyone’s staring at them,” you joke, playing with your hair.

You sit on your chair, pointing at the one opposite you.

“What are you waiting for? Sit.”

⁜

⁜

⁜

“So, you want some small vines surrounding a moon, right?” You ask as you brought out your tablet.

“Yeah, on my middle finger.”

I had enough of his little orders - I’ll twist his words into something much more meaningful. If the Moon isn’t willing to dance with the mountains, let the vines make the Moon feel the mountain’s pain from its rejection.

“That sounds really pretty,” you say, smiling at me, “Give me a minute - I’ll do a rough sketch and you can tell me if it’s to your liking.”

You took out the tablet’s pen tool and began to sketch. I eyed your eyes as you continued to sketch what would be my tattoo.

Thanks to the light from the tablet, I could see a part of another tattoo hidden under your shirt.

It was multiple birds flying across your collarbones, but there was one bird that moved to your neck. It was a smaller bird - much, much smaller. However, its wings were bigger - bigger than the other birds’.

“My family isn’t very appreciative of my more artistic side,” you began, knowing I wanted to know the story behind it.

“I love art - all types of art. Writing, drawing, painting - I loved how you could make a whole new world just with a few lines. My family…” you paused, “As much as they loved me, they couldn’t see a world where I could make a living from it. They tried to throw away this side of me, but the more they pushed it away, the more I needed it.”

You raised your tablet, showing me your sketch.

I loved it.

It was a crescent moon, wrapped in vines. Vines grew both upwards and below, accompanied by stars. Small buds were growing from the ends of the vines, leaves surrounding them.

I don’t know how you did it, but you captured all I felt about him in a few minutes - it astounded me.

“I took a few creative liberties, but-”

“It’s amazing - don’t change it.”

You’re amazing.

You smiled, getting off your chair.

“Head to that room,” you pointed to the smaller room right beside us, “I’ll get all the tools ready.”

⁜

⁜

⁜

“You ready?” you said, placing the pen right above my middle finger.

Why did I choose my middle finger for my first tattoo? It’s literally right on a bone, it’s going to hurt like hell.

“I guess…” I whisper.

“It won’t be that painful - trust me. People overexaggerate,” you say, trying to calm me down.

People weren’t overexaggerating - it hurt.

It hurt a lot.

I bit my lip, holding back the scream on the end of my lips.

“Hold on,” you said, removing the pen.

You soon came back with candy and began to unwrap it.

“Open your mouth, my liege.”

After chuckling, I opened my mouth and you plopped the sweet in my mouth.

Ooh, mango.

“Focus on the sweet, okay?” You said, patting my back.

It felt less painful, surprisingly. Focusing on the sweet rolling in my mouth helped reduce the pain significantly.

I raised my head slightly so that I could see your intense focus on my finger. You were biting on your lower lip as you slowly moved the pen on my finger, following the temporary tattoo you made earlier as a guide. You were annoyed by a strand of your hair that refused to stay behind on your ear - your anger-filled expression said it all.

Using my other hand, I pushed it behind your ear to help you focus.

A soft thank you came from you as you continued.

Blood rushed to my cheeks the minute those words left your lips.

So cute.

“You didn’t finish your story…” I asked, trying to end the awkward silence.

“It was that interesting to you?” you smiled.

You’re interesting, Y/N.

I nod.

“I asked them if I could draw again. I didn’t want to lose that skill I finetuned all my life - it felt so wrong. They thought I’d never succeed in life if I focused on ‘these useless hobbies’ and shouted at me. I remember crying for hours, but they didn’t care,” you say as you turn off the pen, wiping the tip.

“I began to spend more hours in school just so that I could scribble and draw. They’d never know what I did there - all the drawings I did, all the stories I wrote, all the songs I sang. I am not like my parents. I strayed from the thought of ‘art is useless’- I am the bird moving away from the flock,” you said, turning your chair towards me.

“Why did they hate art? It’s something that makes you happy - If it’s something you like, you should do it,” I said, slightly pissed.

Thank God they didn’t listen to them.

“Best part - they have paintings all over the house,” you snickered.

You sighed, stretching your arms in the process.

“I don’t really care about their opinion about it, anyway. I’m no longer under their wing - I’m my own person. I get money by doing the thing I love, and that’s so fulfilling. The only thing they’re paying for right now is my college education - that’s it,” you said as you pressed a wet cloth to my new tattoo.

“Wait - we’re the same age?”

“Yeah, we are,” you smiled.

“I expected you to be way older,” I say, embarrassed.

“I am utterly offended, sir,” you say, feigning sadness.

“Come on!” I say, laughing.

“I am expecting a tip,” you say, walking towards the door.

You’re amazing, Y/N. I just wish I met you earlier…

⁜

⁜

⁜

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Yamaguchi Tadashi,” you say, closing the cash register in front of you.

“And I you, my friend.”

I walk to the door, gripping on the door handle.

I want you in my life, Y/N. Even if we spent just a few hours together, you’ve made me so happy. If you are open to the idea, I want to be friends with you - and who knows? We might become something…

I walk back to the cashier.

“Oh, did I forget something?” You ask, worried.

“No, no…”

Come on, say it.

“Hey, wanna exchange numbers? I wanna hang out with you - of course, only if you want to,” you say smiling.

Holy shit.

“Yes, please.”

You held back your laugh the minute you saw my face.

How many times have I made you laugh just by you looking at my face?

“Here’s my number,” you passed me your card, “Message me so that I get your number, too!”

“Okay!” I smile.

Holy shit. I did it.

“See you again, ‘guchi.”

⁜

⁜

⁜

[cotton-candy-in-a-thong]

Noncon stories, Fantasy vs. Reality, and more. fucking. issues.

Recently, I’ve been hit with some drama as to why I’m a “bad person” by various, anonymous users in this fandom. I thought I’d try to address the claim, address my stance on fics that involve noncon, and what I think about the “Tumblr mentality” after everything I’ve seen of this place. I should also note that I’m going to use the specific words and phrases I’ve been forced to constantly repeat as explaining my stance has been very difficult for me, as I’m a person who’s apparently challenging to understand.

This is going to be a long post, with subjects that's obviously going to trigger people so here's a warning right now..

That being said, I’m going to dive into this with some shit I’ve definitely said before:

“Consensual Noncon” Kink

The Appeal of this Theme in Fanfiction:

I don't think calling fics that involve noncon "rape fics" and those who enjoy it "getting off to rape" is a very good way to put it. Many engaging and well done media pieces often involve some very dark themes. Again, Monster by Meg and Dia is a song that features the main character sexually abusing a girl he met. You COULD call this a "rape song", but acting as if the rape is the only thing that matters in this story would be pretty..naive. The story has to do with an emotionally, and physically neglected/abused boy, who grows up and becomes an attention/love starved monster who's SO starving for validation, that he believes forcing himself upon a girl he knew would "prove" to himself that he's capable of being touched and loved. Of course, the main character eventually realizes that rape is not love, that what he did was wrong, and later kills himself in his own bathtub with kerosene and a match.

However, the assault aspect of this song is still a meaningful and alluring part because it talks about how emotional and physical abuse can warp someone's perspective on reality, to the point where they think forcing someone to "stay" with them is how to create a healthy relationship. That's the same energy I have for noncon fics, especially in the slasher fandom. Many slasher fics that contain noncon often have to do with the slasher preying on the reader because of their own fucked up mind. It's intriguing because, let's be honest, pretty much none of the slashers are in a pretty good mental space lmao. Thus, noncon actually falls more in line with how slashers would go about what they believe is a "good relationship" more often than quite a bit of fans here seem to believe. Again, Michael got boners, Jason chained someone up, Fredddy smooches people against their will, Billy Lenz is a sex offender, Chromeskull makes snuff, yada yada yada, you know the drill. That being said, it's interesting to see noncon being expressed with these characters because it gives us a new perspective on how fucked up they'd likely be if the world of sex and relationships was introduced to these characters.

Now why would some people become sexually aroused by the events of the story? First of all, how does “Consensual Noncon” kink work?

u/Jumbledcode. (2015). ‘Can anyone comment on why people (someone like me) enjoy rape/non-con story lines?’. r/TwoXChromosomes.

“I'd suggest that there are several factors that make up the appeal of non-con fantasies.

Guilt/Self-image: For many people, their sexual/relationship desires don't necessarily match their image of themselves, or alternatively they feel guilt over others' perceptions of those desires. Rape fantasies allow them to mantain some illusion of denial over their desires while still indulging in the idea of them.

Responsibility/Laziness: The appeal of abdicating control isn't limited to avoiding guilt; it's very tempting to want a scenario where you have no responsibility for maintaining your lifestyle/happiness. Similarly to before, it's the appeal of being given what you secretly want without even having to choose it.

Transgressiveness: A rape scenario has overtones of danger and taboo-breaking. These can easily be exciting and can therefore be a turn-on.

Desire: Being wanted is often a huge turn-on, and the idea of someone desiring you enough to break laws and disregard everything to have you plays into this feeling.

To me, it seems that most people who fantasize about being the subject of rape do so due to some mix of these motivations I've mentioned. Of course, there are also those who have experiences which have taught them to associate non-consent with their sexuality, but that's a separate issue”.

What if the Fanfic Only Involves the Act though? Wouldn’t it Encourage Actual Rape?

Let’s differentiate fantasy and reality. Towards those with the noncon kink: it offers arousal because of the ideas listed above (the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). Rape is the use of sex to remove control over the victim’s mind and body. The readers DO have control over whether or not they get to “encounter” (the choice to even read) this fantasy, so right away consent is present in reality, and no actual rape is being done.

Now does this mean that the kinkers are getting off on the idea of rape? Not really.

The thing with self-inserts is that it allows you to be connected to the story. That way, even if the story has you bruised up and begging for mercy, a part of you-you (if you’re a kinker) wants to keep reading it as you find it exciting. That way, as you and story-you are connected, what you really want in such a fantasy is for it to keep going despite the brutish, possessive, however yet desired nature of the character you’re dreaming about dealing with. (repeat: the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). That being said, it’s still entirely possible for kinkers to have their personal space and wishes crossed, and ultimately assaulted. Us enjoying the fantasy of such a reverie sexual encounter does not spell out to real life because (in reality) we’re not horny all the time, we would still like our bodies to be respected when we find it necessary, and we still have feelings as we’re still human.

“Fantasy (including video games) leads to violence” fallacy.

It would be like assuming that shooters in games like GTA fantacise about murder, encourage it, and would do it in real life. Taking fabricated anger out on virtual bodies or NPCs is quite different from the weight of murder (the killing of another human being). One can play video games with lots of violence towards such fabricated characters, while discouraging violence towards human beings. The act of using a game controller to beat up Donkey Kong in Smash, to shoot Nazi zombies in a Black Ops game, or to kill a Geisha in Little Nightmares is incredibly, and immensely different from completely eradicating the life of a person on Earth, and to assume that everyone who plays violent video games would spill out to violence in reality would be to participate in a ridiculous fallacy. Yes, there are outliers who are feeble minded enough to let their fantasies influence their actions towards actual people, but I must repeat that there are also people who utilize these fantasies for their personal satisfaction, while understanding the weight of the real world around them (and choosing not to act so detrimentally). Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair as it would be unnecessary to blatantly say that all fantasies are horrible and should be entirely eradicated if there ARE many people who ARE aware enough to understand that some thoughts are better off staying in fiction.

Now is the time to address what’s been said:

...Firstly, I think it’s very disgusting that random users, on Tumblr of all places, are trying to manipuate random victims of sexual assault into hating something or someone just because these users FEEL like “it’s the right thing to do”.. People, victims of sexual assault aren’t your fucking dogs. They’re not carriage horses, they’re not your work mules, they’re not your guns and swords...they’re just people who normally wanna be left the fuck alone like everyone else. Plus, there ARE people who have experienced sexual assault who take joy in reading such dark storylines. What would these users have to say to them? That they’re not “real” victims? That what they’ve experienced “never happened”? That they’re “just like” their own perpetrators for using the consensual nonconsent to miraculously help them overcome their trauma? Should they really abandon their coping mechanism just because there are other victims who cope in different ways?

..If you seriously believe that all people who have gone through a traumatic event are gonna cope in the exact same fucking way, you literally don’t even know enough about PTSD to even be making a bold statement about cope.

This is the part where I finally realized that people, and especially those on Tumblr, don’t actually care about rape victims as much as they may claim. Many users on here, on this platform and in this fandom, don’t truly give a flying monkey shit about rape victims as people, nor what they have to say about the subject. Rape victims..on this place..seem to be used mainly as a means of figurative weaponry for a group’s subjective morality.

I find the similarity close to radical feminism. Radical feminists often believe that women, from near and far, have to do everything in their power to “destroy” the patriarchy. This would mean disobeying the societal expectation of women, even if there are some women who take joyment in engaging in some societal standards for their personal liking. An example would be sex work. Radical feminists acknowledge the flaws in performing sex work, but believe that NO woman should EVER partake even if the woman wants to do it out of her own free will. In demonizing and ostracizing any woman who doesn’t fall into the radical feminist agenda, radical feminists actually contradict their purpose to “let women be free”. At this point, you realize that radical feminists often don’t actually give a fuck about what any woman wants for herself. Instead, radical feminists want to utilize any woman they can find just to flip off men as a group.

In Tumblr users trying to “stand up” for rape victims for their personal “holier-than-thou” ego, they fail to care enough about the very people they defend to understand the dynamics of some of their coping mechanisms, thus begin to bully some members of the group they claim to protect because of the very narcissism, misunderstanding, and controlling nature going on behind their own “activism”. So now that some users have found something to hate, in this case being noncon stories, they attempt to manipulate victims of rape into ostraciszing and demonizing fantasies and other victims of rape just because the “activists” themsleves don’t like it. Even trying to argue that rape victims have a “duty” to agree with everything these “activists” try to do for them.

Sounds awfully familiar to the attitude democrats have towards any minority when it’s time to vote. “I care about you...but you have to agree with everything I say and believe because I want what I think is best for you. If you disagree with me, you’re ungrateful and a traitor”.

Now...a little about myself.

I’m not sure of everyone else who’s into the noncon type of story, but I use it to get away from my past. In noncon stories, I want to read what happens in the chapters. I want to imagine them for morbid curiosity and arousal I feel at the time being. In reality, my attackers didn’t care when I wasn’t in the mood, and never gave me a choice. In noncon stories, I get to choose the character I want to encounter in the fantasy and NOT have it picked FOR me. In real life, I didn’t get to choose who did some things to me. In noncon stories, I get to stop reading them and do something else whenever I’m not feeling it anymore. In reality? My attackers kept going because, in the situation, it was no longer up to me. After noncon stories, my body doesn’t walk away with bruises, bite marks, and physical reminders every time I take my clothes off or try to masturbate. In real life...that shit can mark you, disease you, and then traumatize you. With the stories, I get to delete my search history, join another fandom, and act like nothing ever happened. For reality? Your own body is a reminder of what happened because it was real. In reality, I’m NEVER gonna fucking forget what happened. I’ll be lucky if my own mind and body doesn’t haunt me for at least one day..

So seeing that someone, and probably multiple people not only tried to use victims of sexual assault for their own “go get em” dogs, but to try and phrase me as someone who loves and encourages such an assault on human beings? After the things I felt? After the things I tasted? After pathetically searching for the support of relatives, just to get shut down with “you’re lying”?..

...All the times I've been held down..threatened..clothes getting snagged off..parts being opened and touched after I've fought to just get the fuck away from certain people...

According to this anon..."she likes rape".

...I guess I just fucking LOVED EVERYTHING THEN.

You know...all my life I’ve been misunderstood by many people. It’s honestly really disappointing that even now when I’m better at explaining myself than ever, I’m STILL being phrased as a “psychopath” by random people who haven’t even taken the time to even know me. Not even from a minute-long conversation through a damn computer screen. And you wanna know the funny thing? I’m probably being laughed at as this is being read. Some of these users, these internet stalkers, are probably giggling, smiling, and saying “Haha YES we GOT the bitch!! Cry you piece of shit SLUT!!”. So maybe explaining my past experiences to help everyone understand why some people may use noncon stories to their fantasy advantage is gonna land me messages going: “You haven’t been raped you lying bitch”, “Maybe you should get raped again”, “You definitely enjoyed it”, and the overused, yet strong “Kill yourself”.

So how am I gonna end this message? With me saying that many of you, who THINK you’re doing the right thing by justifying harassment and trying to manipulate others into joining your little crusade to bully people away from the fandom (over extremely mundane fucking things)...aren’t really good people. At best, in this case...you’re fucking stupid. You will never truly speak for any of the marginalized groups you claim to know like the back of your hand. Simply, you will never. be. a hero.

If by chance, by an astrological chance..that any random user wants to come up and apologize out of the blue for talking such shit and for saying such things..I don't even wanna hear it...just get the fuck out of my face..

[anzcty]

Analysing Episode 6 Sylvie - her actions, her choice and a whole bunch of theories (Spoilers!)

After watching the Loki finale, I have been scrolling through Tumblr for quite a long time. I already knew that people's opinions were gonna be incredibly different but I definitely did not expect this much negative backlash. Especially when it comes to two specific topics - the Sylvie and Loki kiss and Sylvie's betrayal (/choice/actions). I'm gonna be talking about the latter, for it is another time I'll talk a lot about Sylki's relationship. (Beware that this post is also really long though)

First of all, everyone has different opinions and I respect that. I absolutely adore movies, books, TV-shows and videogames because despite what's happening within the story, each viewer has the opportunity to see something else in what they are shown (besides the obvious canon). What I mean is that everyone interprets certain scenes differently and gains the opportunity to make up theories. Therefore I want to clarify that I do, by no means, want to force my views upon others. It's nice to see people talk about the Loki Series (as long as it doesn't get too negative and hateful, iykwim) because every viewer can share their specific experiences with it :)

I'm gonna analyse Sylvie's character a bit ( because, well, I'm bored and I kinda wanna protect my beloved character that I've only had for a few weeks >:^0 AND the only thing I could think about the past day was this episode) and try to explain her actions in the finale (keep in mind: not justifying them, but explaining them).

I'm terribly bad at concentrating on one single topic point so I kinda made a 'list' with questions and whatnot that I wanted to dive deeper into. Your thoughts are also more than welcome!

I already want to apologise for grammatical mistakes, for I am not a native english speaker.

Sylvie's reason for being taken away by the TVA is still kinda unknown

You know, I've heard quite a few theories about Sylvie's nexus event by now. Some people say that she got taken away because she was playing with her toys in a way that indicates her having a good heart (playing as a Valkyrie and wanting to save someone, another hint may also be the reaction she showed towards someone else who got kidnapped by the TVA, yelling at the soldiers to "help them out"). Another theory is that she already knew she was adopted, unlike Loki who found out way later than her. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but we never got to hear the actual reason why Sylvie got kidnapped. Even Renslayer didn't say a word about it.

Now I'm gonna come up with yet another theory. What if Sylvie didn't really have a nexus event in the first place how we know it? In the final episode, Kang has said that he has planned out everything beforehand so both Loki and Sylvie would end up right in front of him. Did Kang's plan also possibly involve him getting killed by Sylvie? Hear me out: We don't actually know if the Kang we saw in episode 6 is the actual 'nice' Kang and not one of his evil variants. He has already talked about 'reincarnation', so who says that after ending the first universial war, Kang didn't reincarnate into someone with an unpure heart (aka, one of his evil variants)? That'd mean that the real Kang would have been killed and the Kang we've seen in the finale is actually an evil version that simply lied to both Loki and Sylvie. Besides that, we also don't know if Kang actually had that 'point' where he didn't know what would happen next. The show revolves a whole lot around trust, not only regarding the characters, but also the viewers. Who's to say that Kang said the truth? Maybe he planned it all out: He created the TVA, let Sylvie get kidnapped and therefore give her a reason to hunt after Kang, who in return could reincarnate if he got killed OR get killed and therefore give his other variants a possibility to conquer the universes yet again. Don't you think that it was kinda suspicious that Sylvie escaped so easily out of Renslayer's hands? The one person who's probably closest to Kang? (Even though, yes, she doesn't know who he is but Renslayer seems to play a very important role in his plan). What if the Kang we saw was the nice Kang though? Would he plan everything up to a point where another universial war would break out because he might know that there is indeed something/someone out there who could end it and therefore, possibly end Kang as a whole or create a new kind of system revolving around the universe? And therefore, get rid of the possibility of another universial war happening? Who knows. I am definitely overthinking and reaching at this point. One more thing that stood out to me while thinking about the episode again today (which kinda weighs more into my theory of Sylvie being a keypoint (or rather a puppet) in this plan): Kang has talked about his Tempad and that he knew that he would need it to have enough energy. But for what? Yes, his initial idea was to give it to Loki and Sylvie to rule over the TVA, but what if it was supposed to be used for another reason? Sylvie used it to transport Loki back to the TVA (though I kinda think he was accidentally transported to another timeline, hence the reactions of both Mobius and Hunter B-15) and therefore get rid of the only thing that could prevent Sylvie from killing Kang. The Tempad was used to secure Sylvie's path and therefore eradicated Kang's only option of safety. You can see the Tempad loosing it's glow after Kang was killed, possibly due to Kang himself being the origin of it's energy. But maybe, it only had enough energy for one specific action: getting rid of Kang's protection. I do think that Sylvie is now stuck at this place and somehow has to find a way back to Loki's reality. The Tempad clearly doesn't work anymore (at least in my opinion) and there was quite a long shot showing the Tempad up close, which is kinda suspicious tbh. Also, something regarding Sylvie's unanswered nexus event feels kinda odd to me, too.

My theory in conclusion: Sylvie (and Loki) are unconciously helping Kang with his plan (a big, big, BIG plan). They're his puppets, especially Sylvie, because she's the one who created the Multiverse to begin with. Think about Loki, who was said to be manipulated by Thanos in Avengers? It's basically the same train of thoughts.

Sylvie does not take Kang's offer into consideration

To be honest, this was something to be absolutely expected of her. Sylvie was kidnapped as a child, taken away from her home and family, and had to grow up in countless apocalypses where she could never form a real bond with anybody because she knew that those people were all going to die anyway. (Please don't judge me if I got that wrong, maybe I understood the next thing wrong? Idk, if so, I'm very sorry) She revealed that she was kidnapped way before Loki was even born (something I have to think about, too, because, if Loki is the actual Loki the other variants are based off, why did he exist after Sylvie? Wouldn't that make him a variant of Sylvie instead? Idk timelines and parallel universes are hard to understand for me :') I'm kinda stoopid ), therefore she must've had spent several decades of her life running away. She had no life at all. Her only goal was to bring down the TVA and whoever is behind it, driven by pure rage, seeking out revenge for stealing her life and basically forbidding her existence. And now that she has found said person, the only thing that'd be right for her character would be to go for the kill. As immoral as it may sound, it is the only thing that makes sense. And I am actually very happy that Sylvie's goals didn't change besides the fact that she did indeed soften up a little and has gotten someone really close to her. In contrary, it makes sense for Loki to do the exact opposite. His goals have changed. He does not act the way he did in Thor or Avengers anymore. He has found another goal for himself: to make Sylvie feel alright. He has had immense character growth and didn't take a chance to change his goals back in the Thor movies or in Avengers, (....maybe later in Thor: Ragnarok, kinda). This is exactly what I think might happen to Sylvie, too. She is at the beginning of her character arc. She doesn't take the chance to change her goal, but goes for her original goal instead. Said goal does not really have positive consequences (though, maybe it might have some? We're about to find out), which results in a so called 'negative character development', which Loki has already gone through. I think that Sylvie is gonna grow as a character in season 2 and get a positive character development in addition, just like Loki did. I highly doubt that she's gonna become the antagonist, it does not make sense at this point.

Why does she not take Kang's offer (besides her very obvious intention ofc)? That leads straight (or not so straight, pun intended) to the next thing I wanna talk about. Sylvie's distrust in everything and everyone. Besides not wanting to let other people go through what she has been gone through and wanting to let people have a free will, she also does not trust Kang with his offer of 'ruling' the timeline. And it might be because she also does not trust the one she'd be ruling with: Loki.

Why does Sylvie not trust Loki?

I don't even have a specific answer to that, except that Sylvie has an incredibly thick wall built up around her. Loki has always been portrayed as the one you should not trust because he's known for backstabbing people. Loki could have thought the same about Sylvie, but he didn't. Due to his character arc, he himself has learned to trust other people and tries to redeem himself with making himself a person others can trust (He may project that onto Sylvie, meaning that he puts his trust into a Loki variant and therefore in himself, too). You can connect that fact with both Sylvie and Mobius. They're both people who are incredibly important to Loki. He wants them to trust him. He openly told Sylvie about his mistakes and tells her that he's not that person anymore. Sylvie on the other hand does not trust that easily and is - in my opinion - a very important key regarding Loki's character development. It is incredibly hard for Sylvie to trust others (probably due to her trauma) and it therefore creates a very difficult situation for Loki, where he has to 'prove' himself as trustworthy. It's basically about 'trusting yourself' if you put it that way. It's something Loki has to learn about himself: not betraying the trust of others. Sylvie might have to learn something like this, too: learning to trust someone else. It's kinda like a two sided coin - one side is about putting trust in others, whereas the other is about gaining trust from others (and what you do with it). (Good) Relationships in general are always based off trust and honesty. So in order for them to be able to have healthy relationships with others and themselves, they have to learn about trust within themselves (I hope you understand my point, I got carried away, sorry). Loki started to trust Sylvie very easily (maybe because of love? Maybe because of something else? There are still a lot of unanswered questions) whereas Sylvie doesn't trust Loki very easily. Sylvie's character arc might (hopefully) carry on with this topic in the next season.

Was that kiss initiated due to emotional or practical reasons?

Kinda both, somehow. I do think that Sylvie used the kiss to her advantage but you can also clearly see how moved she is while hearing Loki's words. Facial expressions are insanely important when it comes to acting and both Tom and Sophia delivered perfectly. You might've already heard of the quote "The eyes tell more than words could ever say". Look at Sylvie's face when Loki tells her that he wants her to be okay. She is teary eyed, sighs even. She is indeed touched by his words and I strongly think that Sylvie also has non-platonic feelings for Loki, despite barely showing anything.

Here's a snippet out of an interview with Sophia:

(Source)

Both Sylvie and Loki are said to be people who can not trust others. They both have a vulnerable side though. Loki clearly showed that several times when with Sylvie (singing to her, the blanket scene, the comfort scene in the room of the timekeepers, the confession of wanting her to be okay) and is also shown incredibly vulnerable at the end of episode 6: there are several shots showing him, crying. Sure, we have already seen Loki cry a few times beforehand but this time, it's different. He cries because the one person he is the most vulnerable with doesn't trust him, and that does hurt like hell. By the way, if you look at the close-up shot of Sylvie after she yeeted Loki back into the TVA, you can see pain in her eyes, too. But that pain quickly shifts into rage and determination. Something that I have to admit was incredibly well executed by Sophia and the people who directed this shot. Sylvie does show her vulnerable side for a brief moment before putting up her walls again and reaching for her goal.

In conclusion: I think Sylvie initiated the kiss as an emotional response to Loki's words but also used it to distract him to be able to kick him back into the TVA at the same time. Keep in mind that it was because he was in her way of fullfilling her goal. She didn't want to kill or hurt him, so she sent him away instead. So, yes, I think the kiss had both emotional and practical intentions.

Did Sylvie betray Loki?

Even though it really felt like she betrayed him, she didn't. Let me tell you why:

Loki knew exactly what Sylvie was gonna do after reaching the person behind the TVA. Loki supported her all the way up until Kang suggested a deal to them, that's where Loki's and Sylvie's paths divided. Loki is a very smart character, he outsmarts a lot of Marvel characters and therefore I think it's very in character for him to consider one part of the deal and outweigh the pros and cons. Not because he wants the throne, no, but because he wants Sylvie to be okay. A universial war could lead to countless casualties - possibly those people close around him, so of course he would want to keep her safe through that decision. Making them both rulers over the TVA and the sacred timeline would probably guarantee a strong protection from several threats. Also, maybe he thought about the possibility of Sylvie regretting her decision (which she clearly did in the end) and wanted to protect her from even more emotional pain. But as we know, Sylvie's intention has always been laid out in front of her and it didn't change. Loki knew what choice she was going to make and merely tried to change her way - without being successfull.

I don't really know what to think about this scene though. To me, it doesn't meet the requirements of a 'betrayal' but at the same time it does feel like one. It's very difficult to explain :'D

Also, I've seen some people asking themselves how or if Loki will ever be able to forgive Sylvie for making her decision. Let me assure you one thing: he will forgive her. He has said it himself: "I know what you're feeling, I know what you're going through". He has been at Sylvie's point, too. Not only once, but several times already. He seems to have learned from his mistakes, Sylvie has yet to do so. ("I betrayed everyone I've ever loved" is a line to keep in mind now, too. Maybe it could even be projected onto Sylvie this time, because Loki is indeed very dear to her) If there's someone out there who can empathise with Sylvie the most, it is Loki.

Why would Sylvie straight up cause another Universial War?

As I already said. Sylvie's arc is a negative character arc. It does not end well and causes a lot of chaos. Think about Peter Quill in Infinity War and his rage moment on Titan. They could have had the infinity gauntlet way before but Peter got emotional (understandable) and therefore destroyed the chance of an early good ending. The same happened with Sylvie. Her decision was mostly emotional, but also practical on the other hand (giving people free will and freedom). She will face the consequences and I'm pretty sure she's gonna redeem herself and tries to help fix the big mess she has caused.

Sylvie's breakdown

Another scene that was absolutely brilliant was the scene after Sylvie has killed Kang. She backs off slowly and then slumps to the ground, breathing heavily (now that I think about it, I think she even started to cry). She has waited for this moment her whole life, but now that it's done, it kinda feels like she didn't exactly get what she needed. Hunter B-15 has already mentioned it before that Sylvie needs to hunt the person behind the TVA down, unlike Renslayer, who only wants to find out who it really is. Although Sylvie might have recognized that this wasn't everything she needed at this point. We already got to know that she didn't have a clue what to do after she's done with the TVA. She didn't have a goal beyond that. And now that she has reached the point where she is clueless, she might have recognized what she really needed beyond finishing her goal: friends, a life, literally anything that doesn't make her feel alone. And she literally just kicked that one thing away from her. Loki, the one person who has been closest to her and gave her the feeling of not being alone anymore, the feeling of having a friend (or someone more than a friend), has been pushed away by herself. I think that in this exact moment where she sinks to the ground she recognizes that not trusting Loki was a mistake this time and that revenge isn't enough to satisfy her forever.

But maybe that one thing that will satisfy her for a long time is something she's returning back to in season 2. I am so excited to see her again and find out more about Sylvie's character!

Thank you so much for reading this! If you want to add something to this list or correct something or anything, feel free to do so. I'd love to hear your thoughts on Sylvie's character in the finale and what you think might happen with her in season 2 :) see y'all, stay safe and have a nice day/night!

[a-mended-pact]

Unsteady Keys: Chapter 6

Authors notes: This chapter is really short. I wasn't overly sure if this was a good stopping point or not for it. I also will not be posting the next couple of chapters for sometime. My messages and asks are always open.

Word count: 2,192

Part 5 Part 7

Warnings: I can't think of any for this exact chapter. If there is any please inform me.

Requests are open

I think her vision finally cleared because with the way her eyes flickered between Ethan and I. I knew one of us was in for a rude awakening and I certainly knew it wasn't me.

She moved before I could stop her and I winced at the impact of her palm to his face.  The sound of it echoed off the walls in the seemingly abandoned office. My wife wasn't thinking like a federal agent and how that just crossed too many lines. She was thinking as herself and that probably wasn't a good thing.

'He trusted you! He invited you to our wedding and you were involved in kidnapping him!?! I can't believe this! You bastard! Why are you not in a holding cell?! Better yet, why are you not in an interrogation room!?' She was vibrating in my grasp as her voice got louder and louder. She was no longer filled with the overwhelming emotions she was dealing with earlier; she's now just one big bundle of rage.

I should be trying to stop her. I really should but it was so rare when she let her emotions get the better of her that I didn't wanna stop her. I was sorta enjoying it. That is until she turned to me and glared. 

She shook with anger as she looked at me. Like a small puppy trying to hold in a bark. The longer she stared the more she shaked. She was trying to control herself. One of her rules that she made of her own choice was that she'd never yell at me. I told her how preposterous that was. Sometimes I deserve to get yelled at. 

The rule was made due to past trauma of hers that definitely doesn't need to be brought up or discussed in front of Ethan.  He didn't need anymore ammo to use against us. I'm not sure that he would but I couldn't take any chances.  Not anymore then I already have anyway.

I had enough time to catch Ethan's gaze before I watched my wife storm out of Morgan's old office.

-----------------

I paced around the bullpen until Tara told me if I didn't stop I was gonna leave a tread mark in the carpet.  I couldn't help but laugh. I sounded exhausted. I felt dead on my feet but I couldn't close my eyes. I knew that if I did all I would see was Spencer being hurt and tortured.  Me being right there only to have him look at me like I meant nothing to him. Like I was nothing.  Maybe I was but right now wasn't the time to dwell on that thought. 

I looked at her and then at the board of all the victims.  'Do you think it's possible that what Reid said is true? That Ethan didn't have a choice? That Ethan isn't fully in on it? They were kidnapping and killing victims that look like me for Christ sake.' I turned away from the board and through my hands up in frustration before I let them fall to my sides. 'Is Lindsey Vaughn even in on this? We have an eye witness identifying Ethan and here he is walking about as a free man. All because he has Genius in there believing he is innocent!' I could feel my aggravation getting the better of me again.

My palm still stung from the slap I gave him earlier.  I knew it wasn't protocol but I didn't care. He deserved it. All I wanted to do was scream. It wasn't fair. God I needed to sleep. I glanced at the analog clock on the wall. I've officially been up for 4 days now. Which honestly wasn't anything overly new. If I didn't take my medication regularly even without everything going in sleep would still eluded me. Insomnia is definitely a cunt. My mind never knew how to shut off.  Playing records of things I didn't want to see or hear. It had been 4 days since a proper meal. I began to wonder when someone would notice and tell Emily to send me home. 

A part of me hoped someone did another part just wanted to close this case and arrest all those involved. I was sick of Cat always having the upper hand on us in this case. I ran my hands over my face and sighed. I think it's time for a wake up call for our sleeping kitten.

____________________

When I came into view of Cat Adam's I saw that Spencer was already in there grilling her about what she'd done to Ethan.  Asking if Lindsey was the true unsub all along. He was making assumptions completely based off the fact that he knew Ethan. I understood truly I did but he was being biased he can't seriously excuse that his college friend was a kidnapper. Whether being manipulated and played like a puppet on strings he was still a kidnapper and the victims deserved proper justice. 

'So you're telling me that you're not the one behind this really Cathrine? I doubt that. I really do. He has photos of me in Mexico.  Drugged laying next to Nadie Ramos dead! Don't tell me you had nothing to do with this and it was all just Lindsey!' His voice was nearly ruptured the speaker when I turned it on. He was so loud. He was so angry that I myself flinched. I don't see how she could just sit there looking at him unfazed as if this was normal for him.

I watched as she leaned forward making herself look like a viper ready to strike. 

'Spencie If I knew Ethan being evolved would have you so worked up I would have done it sooner.' She smiled at him. 'I however did not plan on you being taken. You being apart of it like that wasn't part of the plan.' She leaned her head on her hand.  That's when I realized he had taken off her restraints.  What was he doing?

'My only goal was to make you squirm in discomfort as your precious wife went missing. With the chance of her being another victim on the side of the road. Ya know I don't go for the throat Baby boy.  I go for the mind.' She laughed as she swiped his hair out of his face. He let her. 

----------

I was furious with everything that had happened.  Ethan being evolved I almost through me off the edge. Then her saying that the goal was for it to be Y/n and not me made me see red. I needed to remind myself that I needed to remain calm. If I didn't I wouldn't get anything out of her besides her lust filled obsession of me being angry with her. 

To be honest I did think about playing into her desire for me. It would have been an easy choice. A simple one. I could have gotten away with it if it wasn't for the fact that my wife was already upset with me. 

I didn't mean to do it but I did end up leaning into Cat's touch when she moved my hair out of my face. I was disgusted with myself.  I was a better man than this. Yet here I was mesmerized by her eyes as they watched me with the curiosity of a wolf preying on sheep. Only I was a wolf in sheep's clothing.  

How easy it would be to deduce Cat Adams into nothing but statistics and profiling. She wanted to have me squirm in misery but It would be so easy to have her broken and on her knees for me.

I pulled away immediately once I realized what I had done. 'You are threatening a federal agent not to mention you are an accomplice to what happened. Even if I wasn't the target. You still knew who took me and who else was involved and you still chose silence. '

A smirk formed on my face as I moved my chair closer to her. Pulling it around the metal table and on her side of it. I leaned in really close to her ear. To be fair I had no idea if anyone was watching or listening but I wasn't about to take anymore chances. 

I gently moved her hair behind her ear as I leaned in closer to whisper. 'If anything would have happened to my wife or Ethan I would certainly be the one in an orange jumpsuit.' My hand slipped up to her throat not squeezing hard but with enough pressure to remind her of the time I had been this close to her last. 'I would watch the life drain from you and sleep well. I know how much you love when people see the resemblance between you and I.' My hand tightened before I slung it off her with such force she wobbled a little in her chair. 

Cat watched me with her pupils dilated as she gently caressed the redding skin where my hand had been. 'If I didn't know any better Spencie I think you just like touching me.' The way she panted as she watched me made my skin crawl. I hated myself for thinking she was such an attractive specimen of a human being. Her mind intrigued me more than anyone I have ever met.

I wanted to pick apart her psyche. I wanted to know what made her tick. Besides her abandonment issues and lack of empathy because she was never shown any kindness a day in her life. Even if she was shown some form of kindness I'm sure she didn't know what to do with it. She probably shut herself down from it. Most likely abused by someone in her life. She was just like every other unsub so why did I crave her so much more.

I couldn't figure out my attraction to her after all these years. Sure she held a very natural beauty to her but she was nothing compare to Y/n who could strut around her hair a mess and stains on her clothes and still pull me in as if she were the gravity holding me to this earth.

I realized then one of my biggest mistakes of the last few days as my wife walked in leaning herself against the wall with her arms crossed. I could tell the moment I walked into the bureau that she hadn't been sleeping. I also knew from her mental state that she in fact hadn't been taking her medication.  

I sighed more at myself than to her. 'Love you shouldn't be in here. If anything you should be at home resting and taking care of yourself.' I turned to lock eyes with her only she wasn't looking at me. She was looking at Cat Adams. 

'You know it's been a couple of hours since you and I spoke. I was hoping you'd be willing to share some info but I see you've been busy.' As she spoke her eyes never left Cat. 

I was surprised to watch the manipulative woman squirm under anyone's gaze. 'So here's the thing Catherine. I'm done playing nice and pretending like I'm not steps ahead of you already.' 

My wife strutted to her, swaying her hips from side to side in a confident manner.  I was intrigued by what she meant but chose to keep my lips sealed. 'The truth is. You lost control over Lindsey the moment you didn't want to hurt your precious Spencie and she didn't like that fact. She was in love with you and you betrayed her by trying to keep the federal agent she hated safe. The moment you brought Ethan in and had him take women that looked like me was the moment you fully and completely lost control over her. By then she knew you would never truly hurt or kill Spencer because rather you understand it or not the desire you have was never to kill him. All you want is his precious attention to never leave you. Simply because you’ve never had anyone show you their undivided focus until he showed up.’ My eyes widened. I kept my head down as I listened. Clearly my wife was done playing by the original rules of Cat’s game. It was always mental but right now my wife was aiming for the verbal killing strike. I glanced up and I could see her eyes hold unshed tears as she sneered at Y/n.

‘It’s funny that you don’t even understand the reasoning you are so infatuated with the idea of Reid. You've never had a man show you attention that didn't want to use you. Spencer came into your life showing you with respect and you didn't know how to handle it because you didn't know what that felt like. It's a shame really. ' 

Y/n kept her face calm but I could see the blood dripping from her palms as her nails dug into them. She was deeply upset right now. I doubt she even noticed she was doing it.

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars

[revchainsaw]

The Crow (1994)

Alright Cult of Cult. Do I really need to introduce this one? Let's get all 90s and gothy and maybe brace ourselves for a bit of cringe, but like in a fun way. It's the Holy Grail of Hot Topic, 1994's the Crow Starring Brandon Lee.

Sermon

Apparently before the auto industry totally crashed Detroit was already a total fucked to death pile of burning shit, or at least that's what the crow would have you believe. Sorry Bruce Campbell, and other people from Detroit, but mostly Bruce Campbell. According to the Crow the city of Detroit is the kind of place where gangs of warlock anarchist arsonists will bomb buildings, and murder and rape whoever they feel like and then walk around bragging about it the next day with absolutely zero consequences. Funny then that if Detroit was so bad they had to go to film this movie in Wilmington North Carolina which is definitely a fucked to death pile of burning shit. I can say that, I'm from there and I got the fuck out. My brother is going to kill me if he ever reads this. (It's okay, these are all jokes people). Did you know they also filmed the Super Mario Bros movie there ... also cuz they needed a really shitty looking distopia. Moving on ...

The ludicrous criminality of the Crow's Detroit is particularly on display on Halloween. In Detroit (apparently) Halloween is known as Devils Night and it's legitimately just a night of pure lawlessness and chaos and kids aren't even safe to get candy, except later when we do see trick or treaters. Eric Draven, hunky goth rocker who sort of looks like he could be Bruce Lee's Kid and his fiance are murdered by a gang of vicious criminals. One year hence, Eric is resurrected by a mystical crow (that is actually a Raven), to exact his revenge on the gang that murdered him.

He paints his face like sad Alice Cooper and refuses to listen to Joy Division, just covers. He murders Tin Tin (a knife guy) just for his long gothy duster, he murders Fun Boy and forcibly ejects heroine from her arms and tells her "Go be a good mom now" which actually works. (have I told you about our Lord and Savior Sting? He gave me the strength to get off drugs), he blows T Bird up dick first, and then comes for Skab? Scraap? Scooby? in a meeting of all of Detroits villains and just about kills them all.

He is supported by the most 90s little girl to have ever graced the screen, and I am here for it, and Officer Albrecht, who's played by Ernie Hudson but I like to call him Zeddemore: The Most Underrated Ghostbuster. The leader of the bad guys, who I cannot beleive wasn't played by Brad Dourif or Tom Waits, is pretty interested in the occult. He keeps his witchy girlfriend around and she makes him fun dishes like smoked eyeballs, and her main use is that she knows that the Crow is the Crows weakness. They set Tony Fucking Todd on the bird, and I guess you just have to hurt the bird and not kill it, and Eric loses his healing factor and other macabre undead powers.

The Crow, Jimmy the Raven, pecks out Dr. Girlfriends eyeballs, I honestly forget how Tony Todd gets offed, and Top Dollar gets Gargoyled (that is impaled on a gargoyle). Funnily enough that is more Gargoyle related impaling on screen then in the actual movie Gargoyle: Wings of Darkness where a Gargoyle is supposed to have impaled a guy.

The Benediction

Best Feature: Injustice League

In the Crow we have not only a set of super memorable villains but they are played by the bad guy all stars. John Polito as the most lowly of the bad guys as a kind of sleazy pawn shop owner who buys ill gotten gains. Tony Todd, who's size is really on display here, the freaking Candy Man is in this movie. T Bird is the head of Top Dollars goons and is played by David Patrick Kelly, you might know as the "Warriors Come Out and Play!!" bottle guy from the Warriors, or as Jimmy Horne from Twin Peaks, and of course Top Dollar himself is played by Michael Wincott. Wincott is not a particularly celebrated actor but has played villains effectively in Robin Hood, the Three Musketeers, and Dead Man.

Best Set Piece: Detroit Style Hot Dogs

The Set design of the Crow is perhaps one of it's most fantastic features. It's very moody and ethereal. It's just real enough to not take you out of the film, but fantastic enough to set mood and theme above realism. From Eric Draven's apartment, to the church where the final battle occurs they are all fantastic. I think that's why I really wanted to shine the spot light on a very minor set piece that would get nary a mention but just as effectively represents the qualities I was just talking about and that is the Maxi Doggs Hot Dog Stand, where a lot of the films exposition for audience surrogates takes place.

Worst Effect: Freeze Frame

At a few points in the movie the film makers made a strange decision to do these freeze frame transitions. I only noticed it twice in the movie where it was particularly stupid. I'm sure the film makers at the time thought it was a moody and atmospheric choice that highlighted the suffering that Eric Draven was going through, but it didn't age well. If you don't have the sensibilities of a goth girl from 1994 then it's very very hard not to laugh at just how self involved the movie is about it's super sadness.

Worst Feature: Tragic Accident

Solely based on the film itself, it is that very gothic and dated sensibility that hurts the Crow. The little sarcastic dance he does when he flees the police, quoting Edgar Allen Poe, and bowing to Albrecht. These affected behaviors that I'm sure seemed snarky and right on to the target audience only serve to make Eric Draven seem like an unbearable neck beard edgelord and not the troubled dark soul he's supposed to be. I'm sure at the time it seemed unique and gothy but that shit went out of style for good reason, people could see through it. It's a shame that the Crow himself was some of the cringiest parts of this movie now that I'm seeing it as an adult and not a 13 year old middle class boy with no real problems.

This however is not the low point of the movie. It's not news now and if you're reading some dudes review of The Crow on Tumblr then you probably already know the story. The worst thing about The Crow is that Brandon Lee was horrifically killed on set while filming this movie due to some negligible prop malfunctions. A series of unfortunate events that lead to the actor spending 6 hours in surgery fighting for his life before eventually passing. It was not a quick or painless death and it's really impossible to watch the movie without an appreciation for the fact that this kind of fun dark adventure was going to be a vehicle for Brandon Lee's career wound up taking his life. He was 28. I really wish I could have just bitched about the goofy goth stuff and moved on, but that's not the world we live in.

Best Effect: The Gargoyling

Maybe I should have called this best kill. But I'm not sure which it is. The slaying of Top Dollar at the Climax of the film was just super effective. The pointed wings impaling his chest and that horn coming out of his mouth, it was morbid and excellent and just fit the tone of the movie perfectly. I mean how many other movies can you say Cause of Death: Impaled on a Gargoyle.

Best Bird: The Raven

I tried very hard to look up the name of the bird that primarily performed in this movie and could not find anything. There was a Raven once upon a time called Jimmy the Raven, but that was in the 50s and I don't think birds live that long. There was a team of Ravens performing as the crow, they were chosen over crows for their larger size, and more imposing silhouettes. I just think it's so wonderful to see these often maligned birds get a chance to show off their talents. Corvids of all kinds are incredibly intelligent creatures. Im a sucker for animals, if you haven't already figured that out. I really liked seeing the ravens hit their marks, particularly the one whos job it was to drop the wedding ring into Sarah's hand at the end of the film. You can see that greedy little bastard do his trick and then look of camera at his trainer like "treat please!". It's very cute.

Best Actor: Top Dollar Performance

I'd love to take this opportunity to just put praise upon Brandon Lee, he truly gave everything for this role, but unfortunately with what was put to film we actually have very few character moments with Eric Draven. Stuff happens to him, and he does killings and fights. There's definitely some personality, but I felt like I walked away knowing almost nothing about who Eric Draven was. He was clearly a good dude but that and a few hobbies and a relationship and you don't really have a character yet. He's unfortunately not given a lot of acting to do, instead just relegated to stunts and action sequences. That were notably cool.

The bad guys in the Crow have a lot more character and among this who's who of character actors, Michael Wincott takes the cake. Hell he was standing next to Candyman himself, Tony Todd and still stealing the scenes.

Best Character: A Few Good Apples

Is the best character in The Crow really going to be the cop? The commissioner Gordon stand in? yeah, it is. Not to be political, but I don't like cops, but I guess in a world with magical birds and eyeball smoking I can suspend my disbelief and let Ernie Hudson be #1 cop dad. His character is really the heart of the film, since all Eric can do is brood and fight, we have to care about someone in this movie.

Best Sequence: Halloween Party

The best sequence of the movie is of course the scene where Eric Draven busts in on the Devil's Night party planning commission. I think Top Dollar brought Scrappy Doo there just so he could lure out the crow, knowing the baddest assholes in all of Detroit would be gathered it was likely that somebody was going to kill the beast, or if they couldn't at least Top Dollar could get a feel for his enemy. It's a bullet flying action sequence with a ton of weight. I can't put my finger on this all to common weightless third act problem that big budget super hero and action flicks have nowadays, but whatever that issue is, the Crow does not have that issue. From this point on the Climax feels earned and I am invested. For that reason, The Crow is honestly better in spite of its awkwardness, than many of the super hero movies out today.

Worst Sequence: My Guitar Gently Weeps

Speaking of brooding or fighting. The best sequence was fighting, the worst is brooding. I get that Eric was in a band or something, but didn't he have shit to do. It seemed like it was a cool idea for a shot, but for like a whole seen, watching somebody play an 80s guitar solo, that stood out so brazenly from the choices of music in the rest of the movie was extra corny. It felt like someone's( dad trying to relate to their kid. Oh you like Music. The Dresden Dolls eh? Oh man, then you're going to love Slash's Snake Pit!

Summary

The Crow is dated. It is iconic but I wonder how many of the people that hang that poster on the wall have watched that movie since they were kids. It's interesting how what i've liked and disliked about this film have changed so much sense I was a kid. It's a cheeseball fiesta. If you have matured at all beyond thinking that being sad is the same as being deep then you're going to like it a little less than you did when you were younger, but it is still solid. There's not much to hate on. I'd watch it over and over again. I was really afraid it would not hold up at all, but returning to The Crow was a completely positive experience.

Overall Grade: B

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

ooh! I have thoughts on Eridan!

okay so, to me, Eridan ties into this thing that homestuck has going on with a lot of its more morally grey characters... the question of how responsible young people are for their negative qualities and actions, and where the age threshold for personal responsibility is.

the characters in homestuck all straddle this line between being young enough to consider them victims of the forces that influence them, while also old enough to understand what they're doing and how it affects others... especially because a lot of these kids come off as really smart for their age, and very precocious. we've all been through phases in our lives that make us cringe, not because we're ashamed of something harmless, but because we recognize that we had absorbed something harmful, and took longer than we wish we had to unlearn it. it could be as simple as being kind of a jerk in a misguided attempt to seem cool, or as dramatic as actually hurting someone in an attempt to remedy one's own insecurities by putting down others to seem better by comparison... but how far can you push that before people aren't willing to forgive? before people abandon the notion that better guidance and more appropriate role models could reform someone? and it's especially interesting when you consider how old homestuck's core audience might've been when they first encountered this story, and how it affected their perception of the characters if they saw them as peers, rather than as children from an adult's perspective.

so to talk about Eridan, I wanna frame this in terms of his classpect, because it actually goes a long way towards contextualizing his behavior. Eridan is a prince of hope, meaning that he destroys hope or uses hope to destroy... and this can be seen in practically every conversation he has. if Eridan is contacting someone, it is because he expects something of them. advice, or consolation, or a solution to a problem he's having... it's always something. when he contacts Kanaya, he wants her to auspistize between him and Vriska. when he contacts Feferi, he wants her to give him encouragement, and maybe date him when he asks. and in every case, the way he demands these things by being rude, whiny, or self pitying, makes people reluctant or unwilling to give him what he expects. he destroys what he hopes to obtain.

it goes deeper than that though. Eridan has absorbed this ideology of sea dweller superiority from living on Alternia... and he actually takes it way farther than it even makes sense to. the aristocracy on Alternia use the lower class for all sorts of menial work that they feel entitled not to have to do themselves. they might have the ability to freely cull individual low bloods for any reason, but eradicating all land dwelling trolls would leave a lot of unpleasant yet necessary tasks with no one to do them. I don't think Eridan actually wants to live in a reality where sea dwellers have to pick up the slack of doing things like sanitation work, or construction or something... but another concept that is heavily tied to the hope aspect is delusion. Eridan is exaggerating. he's trying to agree with Alternia's ruthless class structure so hard that it's actually kind of absurd. but Feferi calls him on that... she says she thinks that he self sabotages on purpose. because he knows, at least in some capacity, that the consequences of getting what he "wants" would actually be really uncomfortable to live with.

so not only is Eridan's goal to destroy... it is also a false goal that he constantly undermines. and all of his waffling between grandstanding and self pity destroys his romantic prospects, which are what he actually seems to want the most.

if you look at the way Eridan pursues relationships, he actually makes a lot of logical sense, but not a lot of emotional sense. he's idealized the act of perfectly filling the relationship requirements of each quadrant. he wants Feferi to be his matesprit, which is purely based on the fact that she's high enough on the hemospectrum to be an appropriate match in terms of status. he wants Vriska to be his kismesis, and Kanaya to be their auspistice, and there are hints that Karkat might've been someone he was considering for moiraillegience, though it wasn't emphasized as much. and there you go! his goal is specific, but it's based more on ideals than on the actual needs and feelings of the people involved, and it's totally self centered... he always wants them to cater to his own needs. the reason why he gets as nihilistic as he does on the meteor, is because all of his endeavors to achieve these relationships are falling through. he feels like he has no hope of mending his existing connections, because he still only sees them in terms of people either giving him, or not giving him, what he wants. but the rest of their race is dead. as the last twelve trolls in existence, they only have each other as romantic options. and as Eridan gets more and more desperate, he gets more and more demanding, which is the exact quality that drives everyone away from him to begin with, and it culminates in him having a "if I can't have what I want then nobody can have any of their hopes either" meltdown.

to backtrack a bit, I wanna reconsider questions such as, when is a kid old enough to be held responsible for their own negative qualities? like... when are you comfortable with ceasing to blame environmental factors? when are they just a bad person? is it after they've refused a certain number of chances to make better choices? when do they reach an age, or level of bad behavior, that makes you think they can't be helped to reform from these negative qualities? where does an adult lose their patience for the idea that a kid is just a victim of their upbringing?

obviously Feferi is Eridan's peer, but these are basically the questions she grapples with when she talks to Eridan. it's like growing up next door to a kid whose parents have some aggressively wrong-headed political stances. as you grow, that kid might mirror their parents' way of thinking... and by the time the two of you are in your teens, it's hard to ignore how much of a jerk that kid is becoming. but you've seen them at every step of their development. you know where it comes from. maybe theirs is the dominant political belief in the community, even if your own parents aren't like that. maybe you wonder if you would've agreed with them if you grew up under their circumstances. you've felt the pressure, but you haven't lived in it like they have, and maybe if they just had the chance to grow up under different conditions, they wouldn't be this way. and you are aware that you could be an influence on them... maybe they need you to help them see another perspective. you always got along so well as kids. when did things even change? and that's kind of where I imagine Feferi is at when we're introduced to her and Eridan. it's a crossroads between believing that you might still matter enough to them to change their outlook, and the persistence of their ingrained beliefs. it's tiring to do that kind of work, over a long period of time, to minimal results. when is the appropriate time to give up? in this way, Feferi's own hopes for Eridan fade over time. she says at one point that she was mainly acting as his moirail so he wouldn't try to underfeed her lusus and kill the land dwellers that way. she's not sure how serious he is, and she can't take that risk. deep down, I'm pretty sure Eridan knew he was never actually going to commit a genocide... but his need to grandstand, and legitimate belief in his caste superiority, had convinced Feferi enough that she still felt obligated to manage him as though he was a real threat.

these characters are thirteen years old. they're right at the edge of childhood and adolescence... right at the age where children aren't quite so innocent. they want to assert themselves. they aren't mature, so there's a lot of responsibility that they still shouldn't be trusted with yet, but they've become aware enough to feel like that's demeaning, and to want to be taken seriously. in an effort to make people acknowledge them without looking down on them, they'll try just about anything. they don't have the experience to know what they're doing yet, so it doesn't always work in their favor, and that's frustrating. you can see bits and pieces of this in homestuck's characters. like with the way they try to paint themselves as an authority on something, or shit talk each other in order to emphasize their own strengths. it's a really interesting theme, because homestuck pushes some of these young characters really far in terms of how bad the things they've done can be, or how much their lived experiences have taught them that what they're doing is acceptable. they can be really self aware in some ways, and come off as really childish in others. it's hard to know what you'd do about them in real life... and your answer changes depending on your own age and perspective. it's a really cool gray area to poke around in, and homestuck is excellent at it.

wtf I like Eridan now

[alexhogh7137]

Rule The World with Me-

Ivar the Boneless × Reader

Chapter Forty-Three

Chaptet Forty-Four: A Long Day in Kiev

Word Count 4k

Warnings: some angst, some fluff

On this day, Torvi told you that she would speak with Ubbe about rethinking the siege of Wessex. You made sure to keep yours and her children very busy while her and Ubbe went out on a walk to talk. At first, you were going to be the one to tell him but Torvi insisted on being the one to tell him. Hvitserk kept Ivar busy while you handled the children. You did not mind it, however, you love being a mother. You feared not being able to become a mother while you were married to Oleg. With the way he used you, abused you, you thought that the possibility was nonexistent. But when you discovered that you were carrying Baldur, your dreams had come true. And then Freya came along and well, you and Ivar are in your own little slice of paradise. They are at the age of training to be warriors one day and Hvitserk has taken the pleasure in training Baldur while you are training Freya. When Ivar has time, he teaches Baldur how to strike and shoot arrows at his opponent. Baldur is learning very fast, but Freya gets distracted fairly easily. You have talked with Ivar and he says that his brother Ubbe Sigurd was the same way at her age, but he became a strong warrior later in life. So every day, you train her and everyday she gets better and better at keeping her focus. Besides the point, you have the kids while the boys are handling their own challenges. 

Freya is dancing in the treeline with Asena while Baldur walks with you hand in hand. Even though he acts so mature for his age, he still loves to hold your hand, cuddle, hugs and kisses. Freya is a mommy's girl, that is what Ivar has told you since she was born. You have this little joke with her to make her father a little extra jealous: when Ivar is 'hogging' Baldur, Freya will climb on your lap and let you tickle her so that she laughs extra loud, making Ivar extra jealous of yours and her relationship. Ivar loves his children equally, but his fear that his children do not love him the same as they love you, is one of his fears. So when you notice that he is more down than usual, you have to reassure him. You do not know why you are having all of these thoughts right now, but you are just glad that it is not about the siege. 

Freya "Look momma, apples!' She points up at an apple tree. 

"Oh my! Would you look at that, I have not seen an apple tree in years."

Baldur "Can we pick some, mother?!"

Freya "We can give some to Papa!" She stammers. 

"Oh that sounds like a lovely idea! Come here, little one." You pick your daughter up and you raise her high enough for her to grab a few apples from the tree branches. You and her giggles as she grabs more and more. 

You place Freya down, "Baldur, would you like to pick some?"

Baldur "Yes!" You pick him up and let him grab as much as he can carry before you place him back down on the ground. 

"They look delicious, your father will be delighted to eat these." You say as you take a bite of one. "Mm, fresh and delightful."

Baldur "Can I give one to Messiah? He looks hungry." You look down at Messiah, who is licking his lips and staring at the apple in your son's hand.

"I'm sure that one apple couldn't hurt, go ahead." You allow Freya to give Asena one as well. "Do you think that aunt Torvi and your uncle's would like some?"

Baldur "Oh certainly!" You can't help but giggle at his choice of vocabulary. He gets his big words from the boys, that is for sure.

"Okay, let's head back now. I am sure your father could use some company from his favorite little one's."

Baldur "Are you always going to call me little?" He says with a pout.

"No, not always. But no matter how old you get and how tall you get to be when you are all grown up, I am still going to see you as a baby."

Baldur "But why?"

"You were my first born, Baldur. You were my first baby! And same with your sister, I will always see her as a baby because you two are my babies."

Baldur "Even when I am fighting..you will see me that way?"

"I will see you as the strong and courageous warrior that you will be but yes."

Baldur "And Freya?"

"Of course. Your father will say the same thing, Baldur. You and your sister are our world."

Baldur "I love you mother."

"And I love you, son." He runs off then, after his sister. You watch them run hand in hand together, through the grasslands with their protectors and you can't stop yourself from smiling. You watch your legacy laugh and skip in front of your eyes and all you can say to yourself is; "thank you gods..thank you."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Ivar has been spending the morning with Hvitserk. Hvitserk had told you that he would keep Ivar busy while you watched over the kids because if Ivar got involved in the discussion with Ubbe, it would not end well. So he did just that, stayed with Ivar all morning and half of the afternoon just talking to him. 

Ivar "What is taking them so long?"

Hvitserk "Who?"

Ivar "Y/n and the kids. They've been gone all morning."

Hvitserk "She told you where she took them, yes?"

Ivar "Yes..of course she did."

Hvitserk "Then why worry, aye?"

Ivar "Because I cannot stop myself from worrying Hvitserk. They are my everything."

Hvitserk "They are my everything too, brother. But you get free time away from home, so does she."

Ivar "Well what about our brother, hmm? What are your thoughts about her vision?"

Hvitserk "I believe every word that she said. I fear that if he goes along with this siege, we won't have the same brother afterwards."

Ivar nods, "That is what I fear as well. Not only that but Y/n would be fighting with us."

Hvitserk "I know-"

Ivar "And the kids, who would watch them?"

Hvitserk "Torvi..if she does not fight."

Ivar snickers, "She will fight."

Hvitserk "Then we would have to take the kids back to Kattegat. We have more men there to watch over them and keep them safe while we are gone."

Ivar puts his head in his palms, "What if something happens to one of us..or all of us?"

Hvitserk "Y/n said that we were all in her vision."

Ivar "Yes but visions are not always exact. We both know that."

Hvitserk sighs and takes a bite of his food, "Everyone takes that risk of not making it through a battle, brother."

Ivar "I know that, but this is our family that we are talking about. My wife, your sister..our brother-"

Hvitserk "I know, I know."

Ivar "If Torvi does not get him to stop this siege, I will."

Hvitserk "And how exactly would you do that, hmm?"

Ivar thinks for a second, "Talk to him, try to reason with him. Tell him what all is at stake here."

Hvitserk "We both know that if Ubbe wants to fight, there is nothing that we can do to stop him."

Ivar "If I can't stop him, I can stop my wife from fighting."

Hvitserk "If you are fighting, then Y/n will fight-"

Ivar "I am not fighting. I have too much to lose."

Hvitserk nods, "Then why worry any longer, my brother?"

Ivar "Are you fighting?"

Hvitserk "I have not made up my mind as of yet. I love our brother, he deserves someone to fight alongside him on that battlefield."

Ivar "So if he goes, you go?"

Hvitserk looks down, "I don't really have a choice Ivar. I left his side once..I have abandoned him once, I won't do it again."

Ivar "I don-" 

Freya "Daddy!" She shouted as she jumped onto her father's lap while Baldur clung to Hvitserk's side. 

Ivar "Oh my sweets," he kisses her cheek, "Where is your mother, huh?"

Baldur "She told us to go ahead. She should be in any minute.."

Hvitserk "Ah, where have you guys been aye?"

"We were in the field." You say entering the room, out of breath.

Ivar "There you are, what happened?"

"I will tell you later..we brought back a sweet gift for our boys, didn't we?"

Baldur "You are going to love it!"

Hvitserk "Oh yeah?"

Ivar "What is it?" You pull the basket of apples from behind your back and Hvitserk's jaw drops.

Hvitserk "My favorite!" He says as he takes one from you. 

Ivar "That is so sweet of you, my love. Thank you." You walk over to him and kiss his lips before handing him an apple.

"What did I interrupt in here?" Ivar looks at Hvitserk before answering you.

Ivar "We were just talking about all of the things we could do this evening."

Baldur "Like what?"

Hvitserk "We can have a nice bonfire by the pit!" He said before Ivar could.

Freya "Oh yay!" She shouted and started clapping. You notice that your husband did not laugh nor giggle even though his daughter started jumping for joy. Alarming you that he was not telling the truth but lied for the children's sake.

"Well I think that that sounds like an amazing idea."

Ivar nods, "Hey, could you take your sister and go find uncle Ubbe for me please?"

Baldur "Yes, come on Freya."

"They are by the east entrance." He nods and runs off with his sister joint at his hip. You wait for them to close the door behind them before you sit down next to your husband. 

"I overheard them, Ivar."

Ivar "W-what did you hear?" You hesitate to answer because you are saddened by what you overheard.

~•~

When you got to the east side of your kingdom, you could hear Torvi's voice. You immediately stop in your tracks. You tell Baldur and Freya to go on without you and that you would be in in a moment, so they agreed. You hide in the treeline to avoid them seeing you listening in on their conversation. 

Torvi "You could hear the fear in her voice, Ubbe. Why are you not listening-"

Ubbe "I am listening Torvi. I heard what you said."

Torvi "And yet you are not taking it seriously-"

Ubbe "No, I guess I am not."

Torvi "Why?!"

Ubbe "If it were true, why has she not told me herself?"

Torvi "She wished to do so, but sinc you are my husband, I insisted that I be the one to tell you."

Ubbe sighs, "What is it that you want me to do?"

Torvi "Don't fight. We have Kattegat, isn't that enough?"

Ubbe "I rule Kattegat but not alone. Hvitserk is also the ruler of Kattegat. I wish to rule my own kingdom."

Torvi "So you will not reconsider.."

Ubbe "I will rule Wessex, Torvi. With you by my side. Isn't that what you want?"

Torvi "I don't wish to lose my beloved husband over a kingdom that is already being ruled. I heard Y/n, I heard her voice break as she told me her vision. So no, I do not want you to fight."

Ubbe clears his throat as if he was aggravated, "I am going to talk to Y/n myself. If I do, maybe I will reconsider. But as of right now, my mind is set."

Torvi's eyes start to water, "I see." He walks closer to her and cups her cheeks.

Ubbe "I love you. You are my world. But I have ambitions, as every viking does. I hope that you can understand."

Torvi "I love you too." Ubbe starts to walk towards you so you make a run for it and go into your kingdom. 

~•~

Ivar grunts, "Why is our brother so stubborn?"

Hvitserk "All of us are stubborn, Ivar. Not just Ubbe."

Ivar "Well it looks like I have to talk to him."

"He wants to talk to me Ivar. I can persuade him to not fight, I am sure of it."

Ivar "You can talk to him, my love. But I am going to talk to him..I have to. I can't lose any one. I can't lose anyone else." He looks at his brother when he said that. He lost his two brothers and his parents, he does not wish to lose anyone else that he loves.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

When you hear the pitter patter of your childrens feet and the laughter of Torvi, your heart rate skyrocketed. You fear that even after he talks with you, that he still won't change his mind. 

Baldur "We found him!"

Ubbe "I have arrived!"

Ivar "Thank you, son. Why don't you go play with Igor?"

Freya "Oh can we Baldur?!"

Baldur "Alright then." They walk off and Ubbe stands in front of you.

Ubbe "Can we talk?"

"Of course."

Ivar "I would like to talk to you afterwards, brother."

Ubbe "That might not be necessary-"

Ivar "I wasn't asking."

Ubbe "Alright fine, but I am taking your wife first." He takes your arm, making you laugh. Torvi stays with Hvitserk and Ivar while Ubbe takes you outside. 

You two sit down on a bench near some flowers. 

Ubbe "So, Torvi has told me."

"About my-"

Ubbe "Vision..yeah."

"And what do you have to say?"

Ubbe "Is it true?"

"Of course it is true."

Ubbe "Then tell me..talk to me."

"You change. You are not you anymore.."

Ubbe "That is not talking to me Y/n-"

"I am trying to talk to you, it is just very hard for me to tell you this Ubbe. You are my brother and I love you."

Ubbe "And I love you, but you need to tell me what you know." You take a deep breath and tell him absolutely everything: every detail, every word said, even the surroundings. When you were done telling him, he was speechless. 

"Now do you believe me?"

Ubbe "I never not believed you, Y/n."

"So what now?"

Ubbe "I am not sure."

"You are still considering it?"

Ubbe "I have ambitions-"

"And what happened to your family? Huh..what about them?"

Ubbe "They will join me."

"Not if you are dead!"

Ubbe "From your vision, I do not die."

"Visions do not show everything Ubbe. Why are you not reconsidering?"

Ubbe "I have to think, Y/n. This is my future I have to think about."

"What happens to their future?" He looks behind him to see Torvi, his step daughter and his son in her arms. His heart breaks in his chest. What is he thinking? How could he take such a risk?

Ubbe "You are right Y/n. I..I don't know what came over me." You don't really know how to respond. "Can you forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive. I am only looking out for you. I do not wish for you to have that fate. Because if you do this, you could gain a kingdom, but you could lose everyone that you ever loved." And that is all he had to hear. 

Ubbe "You are right. Thank you for telling me."

"Of cour-"

Ubbe "But I have to ask..why did you hide it from me for so long?"

"I was going to tell you sooner but I told Torvi first-"

Ubbe "And why is that?"

"She noticed how quiet I have been recently. So she pulled me aside and I told her." He nods, "I told her that I was going to tell you but she wished to be the one to tell you herself."

Ubbe "Alright, I understand. Go be with your children now." He pulls you in for a hug and then he lets you go. He thinks to himself, "What do I do now?"

~•~

You go inside to see Ivar playing with yours and his children. Freya is on his shoulders while Baldur cackling him.

"Baldur, don't-"

Ivar "He is fine, my love. I promise, he isn't hurting me." You breathe for what felt like th first time in hours. 

Freya "Mommy, Daddy ate all the apples!"

"He did!?"

Ivar "I kind of did.." you burst out laughing and so does he. "They were so delicious, I couldn't help myself."

"I'll go get some more for Hvitserk-"

Ivar "That can wait until tomorrow, please stay."

"Say no more." You kiss him over and over, until you hear your kids shout 'ew'. 

Ivar "You know, one day you two will be married to your own lover and you will be doing to the same thing your mother and I do."

Freya "Yuck!"

Baldur "I'm excited!"

"Oh are you?" You giggle.

Baldur "Oh yes! Seeing how happy you are with father, makes me look forward to what the gods have planned for me." You are in shock by the words your son just spoke. He isn't even a teenager yet and he speaks like he is a thirty year old man. 

Ivar "Your mother makes me very happy, son. But your mother had to go through very rough times before she met me."

Baldur "Like what?"

"I will tell you when you are older, my son."

Baldur "But why not now?"

"Because what I went through before I met your father is not age appropriate."

Baldur "Oh.."

"But I can say that I was not in a good marriage. I was married into this kingdom, not by my own will. My husband was Igor's Uncle-"

Freya "No way!"

"Mmhhmm..And he was not a good man. But after a few years, your father came into my life and saved me."

Freya "Daddy, the hero!"

Ivar chuckles, "I am glad to be your hero, my love." You smile at him.

Baldur "Will I ever find love like yours and mother's, father?" He says with a pout. Ivar takes Freya from his shoulders and hands her to you so that he could get down to Baldur's level.

Ivar "There is no doubt in my mind, son. You will find love one day that will sweep you off your feet and make you realize how amazing life is it live. You see son, life isn't just about winning and losing battles. It is about establishing yourself and finding love along the way."

Baldur "Did you love someone before mother?"

Ivar "I did, for a time. But I fell out of love with her, and then I found your mother-"

Ubbe "Look at you four.." Ivar looks up to find him and Torvi standing in the doorway. He forces a smile and gets himself off of the floor. 

Ivar "Hello, Ubbe."

Hvitserk "Y/n, can you show me where you got those apple's from? Ivar ate them all.."

"Sure." You laugh and you walk out with him to give Ivar and Ubbe some time to talk. 

Ubbe "What is it that you wanted to talk to me about, brother?"

Ivar "I can't let you fight, Ubbe. Too much is at stake."

Ubbe "I have reconsidered the siege but I have yet to make my final decision."

Ivar "After everything that you have heard, from Torvi and from Y/n..you can't say you won't?"

Ubbe "No, I won't say that. I deserve time to think. You have Kiev-"

Ivar "And you have Kattegat!"

Ubbe "Not to myself Ivar. That is not my own kingdom. I wish to have my own kingdom, does not every viking dream of that life?"

Ivar "I think that you are being greedy."

Ubbe "Greedy?"

Ivar "Yes," Ubbe chuckles, "Because look at what you have! You have Kattegat, you have a wife and children.. why is that not enough for you huh?"

Ubbe "It is enough-"

Ivar "Then stay." Ubbe walks away from his brother and Torvi. Ivar looks at her, speechless. 

Torvi "Give him time, okay? That is all that we can do right now, is give him time."

Ivar "I can't lose anyone else-"

Torvi "Neither can I, Ivar. Neither can I." She walks away to go after her husband, leaving Ivar with his thoughts. All he can do is pray to Odin that his brother does not go through with this siege.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Nightfall came over Kiev and even though Hvitserk was telling you a fib, you all still came together to have a bonfire by the pit. Freya sat on her Uncle's lap and Baldur sat on his father's lap while Torvi and Ubbe held onto their own children. The warmth hit your skin, soothing your aching muscles from lifting your kids up and into a tree earlier today. 

Ivar "My love.."

"Mmm?"

Ivar "You are quiet.. you are never quiet."

"I am never quiet?"

Ivar "Not very often," you two giggle, "what is it, my sweetheart?"

"I am just relaxing. I have not relaxed all day. I am pretty sore-"

Ivar "You are in pain?" His eyes got wide.

"Only my arms and legs, my love. I am fine-"

Ivar "Why are you in pain?"

"Our children wanted to pick their own apples today so I had to lift them up to reach them. That is most likely why. And my legs, well, that is because we were in the grasslands for hours and hours."

Ivar "Oh my sweet, come here." He offers his arm, inviting you to lean on him. Of course you do just that. "Rest now, my love. And tonight, I will give you a message..how does that sound huh?"

"Or we can just take a warm bath together-"

Ivar "Your plan sounds better." He smirks and you blush. 

Baldur "Fatherrr!" Ivar ruffles his hair, making the three of you laugh.

Hvitserk whispers into Freya's ear, "Look at those lovebirds, aye?"

Freya "They always like dis.."

Hvitserk "Well that is good, little one. One day, you and your brother will be with someone who makes you just as happy as your parents make each other happy."

Freya "That is was Daddy said earlier!"

Hvitserk "You see! If your father says it, then it is absolutely true." He tickles her sides, making her bolt out with laughter. 

Ubbe "Are you tickling my niece?!"

Hvitserk "I am tickling my god daughter..yes!" Ubbe laughs and takes a drink of his ale. 

You pucker your lips so Baldur reaches over and kisses you. After he does, you lean back down and into Ivar's arms and took in this incredible moment in time. Your family sitting around the pit, with your people's laughter in the background, your children's laughter and your wolves playing just beside you. Everything about tonight has been perfect, making you feel a little extra grateful.

@hvitserkmarcosource @youbloodymadgenius @ivarsgoddess @a-mess-of-fandoms @heavenly1927 @saldelys @conaionaru @krissydclayton93 @readsalot73

[taekooktimeline]

i love this timeline and i congratulate you guys on how much effort you seem to be putting into it! however, I still can't 100% they have something, or ever had something. I do think theyre cute together and they do have. amor of questionável moments...but most of it is completly explained by a little logic thinking. I don't think two guys who grew up in small towns in Korea during the 90's/00's when there was no discussion at all about homosexuality would take this so lightly. Specially Tae, who was raised on a rural town by his grandparents. Could they have changed their minds by now? Absolutely, yes. But we also have to remember that kpop os built on encoraging performative homoerotic behavior in order to allure fans, because they know it sells. There are literally lots of testimonies from trainees that say that by contract they are obliged to do that. Sure that at this point in fame they wouldnt need to do it anymore, but they are bora dumb, they know it sells and they are well aware of the dynamics people want to see the most. Now, I do believe they love each other, but I also believe they don't make themselves that much available to one another outside working hours anymore (ex: one of the meetings for BE, the one they were diacussing the units, Hoseok said that it was hard to get all 7 of them together like that so they needed to say what they needed and get it over with), which is okay given that they lived together for years. So I do believe that most of the things taekook does that seems couply is simply performative bc they know it attracts attention, and they do it because they are confortable enough, yk? we also have to remember that asians society works very differently, men are expected to behave in a more community way. Anyways, I still think theyre very cute and If they do have something with eo or gfs, I just hope theyre happy. Once again, awsome work you two have been doing! congrats!

Kayla:hi Anon - thank you for the well wishes with the timeline. We are going to have to agree to disagree on this. If TK were solely doing all of this for marketing / fan service where is the subunit that people have asked for for years? The only subunit to trend at festa 2020 before units were announced .. Two big powerhouses who sell out everything .. yet BH never takes advantage of that? As a business, shouldn’t they want that? Why did BH visibly restrict TK or separate them in a lot of official moments? A lot of moments are subtle, caught by fan cams or sleuths .. so again, how is that marketing if it’s subtle and not bold, in your face, obvious, which is what fs is? And their actions and reactions don’t necessarily happen at concerts, where I would be inclined to agree some is enjoyed FS by them .. some of their actions are away from concerts .. and FS, by definition, is for a performance, so if it’s subtle, not at a concert .. it’s the exact opposite of that. We barely see TK anywhere in the 2019 dvd so again, and there’s a lot of other examples that are similar, so how are they selling themselves and appeasing shippers when official content in the old contracts really didn’t market them? Not only that but there are lgbtq people in every country, progressive or conservative, rural or more liberal household. It’s not like being born to a conservative family just negates out who a person is attracted to...I highly doubt Tae is professing love of LGBTQ artists, designers, photographers, etc, reading CMBYN and professing a fondness for rainbows for nothing. Besides that, people have spotted TK out and about in 2020 alone, and have commented on it. Unless you’re their best friend and know their day to day, you can’t confidently say they’re not spending time together, especially when there are people who have sighted them. Think about it, would people believe namsan without photographic proof? compound that by years .. how many times they may have spent time together but it was kept private. Besides that, I’m sure it’s hard to get 7 people with varying schedules and pursuits together. They’re all busy people and I’m sure they want to rest, have “me” time or visit with people they may not get time to see when work commitments hit. It’s not like Hobi said it for TK only. Hobi said they’re busy and need to plan the schedule out. That makes sense. Planning for a lot of people will always be tricky because you’re factoring in multiple timetables, multiple plans and preferences. That’s anyone in the real world planning for any gathering. It takes coordination.

Also BTS as a whole has been pretty outspoken about hating fanservice and not enjoying it (e.g. remember that variety show episode where Yoongi dropped the paper so they didn't have to that paper kissing game?). Plus this year has seen a very significant drop in fan service even with all their stuff from BE, including dynamite--so i fail to see how this makes sense? Also as already mentioned if BH is so aware about how much the pairings sell why don't they market them more? BTS has been around for 7 years, marketing them in the 7/8th year after none for like 3-4 years seems like a weird choice no?

Plus, Jk comes from Busan which isn’t a small town. And Daegu isn’t small either. South Korea is one of the most, if not the most technologically connected and 'linked up' countries in the world. Not being from Seoul doesn’t mean they’re in the boonies.

I’ll probably come back and edit this but I don’t see how being from a more conservative home means Tae can’t be gay (and Jk’s home was more progressive) or how Taekook are “marketed” when they’re the exact opposite of that by every definition. I’m fully aware of Kpop and shipping, but I stand by a lot of moments TK have are not on performance platforms and do not fit the criteria of fan service. Not only that, but I’ve said a million times Korea is getting more progressive. I’ve linked multiple articles with hard stats showing as much. And it takes brave people to push that change forward even more. It’s cool if you don’t see them as romantically involved .. but my stance doesn’t change on this. They don’t meet the criteria of fan service in a lot of instances and BH sure as hell isn’t marketing two of their most profitable members as a pairing, which is suspicious on its own. Unless Tae or Jk say different, their actions speak loud for me on who they are to each other.

Sara’s General Disclaimer: I may select some asks, think about them and answer in the future through either Tumblr, Twitter or YouTube. Kayla will take over the discussion section as she enjoys active debates and will make the time for it, but I still read them all. Be nice to each other 💜 As it’s natural, I may or may not differ with Kayla’s take/ words.

[freakscircus]

i don't know who to talk to about this but i respect you a lot so i hope you don't mind my rambling. i'm a 17 year old girl in the united states and the more i think about our government the more frustrated i get. it's not even a matter of "x needs to happen to make it better," i think the government is inherently corrupt and broken and i have no faith in democracy as an institution. i feel like we need to get rid of everything entirely but i don't know what to do with these feelings. idk

17 yr old girl still: for clarification, i've felt this way for a while but i'm only acknowledging it now because i've been reading about like garrisonian abolitionism and how they believed the constitution is inherently flawed and the government is run by immoral people and so all government participation is corrupt and supporting a corrupt system... and it's how i feel to a t. fixing the government is a waste of time because america is inherently immoral... idk if i am just crazy or what to do

this is totally not crazy and completely 100% understandable. i think we all struggle to come to grips, especially these days, with the fact that the government we grew up trusting and believing in is not actually what it seems to be. i apologize for the personal political tangent i’m about to go on here, but for me this break came as i was continuously frustrated with the cruelty and suffering that could either by stopped by or was even fostered by the state. to me it made no sense that democrats, the seemingly liberal and rational compassionate party, sat around posturing while people died from lack of healthcare. stories about people being evicted because of medical bills or rationing insulin seemed completely ridiculous in a “”first world”” country that was wealthy enough to be spending billions of dollars on defense and weapons for “protection” but didn’t care about its own citizens wellbeing. as i got older, i started looking into works critical of capitalism and realized that at the heart of it all, the system wasn’t broken but working exactly how it had to in order to benefit the wealthy and powerful in this country. there’s a reason we can afford enormous “defense” spending but we “can’t afford” stimulus checks. we don’t get jeff bezos and other billionaires without stolen labor and resources. for example, amazon not paying taxes while elsewhere schools are closing and governments claim to have no money to reverse the seemingly permanent austerity we live in these days. the stock market hits records constantly but when was the last time the economy was good for everyone? why do so many top democrats have wall street and huge corporations as enormous donors with a ton of leeway? it all seemed very corrupt and rotten.

this is when i started reading about communism/socialism/anarchism. i had to unlearn a lot about what i was taught about all of this, as we are taught negative things for a reason. it really seems to some people that the choice is what we have now, or an authoritarian state complete with bread lines and factory work for the one party. which of course is not what communism is and many argue that communism the way karl marx intended does not look like anything we have seen yet because we need the capitalist powers that be to no longer exist to meddle and to suck up the world’s resources. ANYWAY reading more about anarchism and socialism made me realize that a better world is possible. i honestly do not trust the state and i think things get corrupted easily. i hope i am wrong and i hope without capitalism involved, a state could be more compassionate. however, i really loved the idea of small democratically led communities that existed without a centralized state. i think this pulls us away from corruption, isolation, overcommodification, and many things that make us sick and feel like our needs are not being met. but realizing a better world is possible in theory made the idea of scrapping it all not feel like such a hopeless failure.

however, the socialist revolution or the erasure of our current status quo will not happen overnight and isn’t happening anytime soon. really makes you feel frustrated and powerless right? my advice to you would be to take a break from theorizing about fixing absolutely everything before our system collapses in on itself. instead, i honestly find that the best thing for that frustration and powerlessness of living under this crumbling empire is to realize that on a small scale, people are doing so much good. i would get involved and look into mutual aid groups (not charities necessarily, but  community centered mutual aid groups like food not bombs run by locals for locals in a very compassionate way)  and see how they are changing their communities independent of the local or federal government. even picking a candidate that you think can give you any glimmer of hope (like me and bernie who i canvassed for in february when things seemed so much brighter lol) and do some grassroots work there. organizing on a local level for leftist groups even independent of politics and just for making people’s lives better can also really make you feel like good is still possible. even changing the life of one or two people who have been crushed by the callousness and unkindness of our system can really restore your faith that something can improve, even if its not our federal government. hope you don’t mind MY rant and hope this offers some insight into how i deal with the exact same feelings you have.

[elletromil]

*cries* So many options. And you know this is going to be fuba, because obviously. So, with the caveat that you don't have to do all of them if they don't spark joy or whatever, 13. 22. Or one of your choice!

So I ended up doing both because well, I have never had any chill when it comes to writing :D

--

“I don’t get sick.”

It’s not unusual for someone other than Zhang Rishan to come fetch Tiezui. The lieutenant has many other responsibilities after all. He’s not always available the exact moment Fo Ye decides he needs his expertise.

What is unusual however, is for Fo Ye to come fetch him because Rishan needs him. It’s unheard of even.

Tiezui stares at his friend. Fo Ye stares back, impatience clear on his expression.

“I’m sorry, but lieutenant Zhang needs me? Why would he need me?” Not that he can’t think of some recent instances where Rishan had ‘needed’ him, but these are best kept to himself, even if he’s certain Fo Ye is well aware of the true nature of their relationship. “Why would he even ask for my help?”

To say Tiezui is bewildered is an understatement. Yes Rishan will work with him when Tiezui is asked along by Fo Ye. Yes he respects his knowledge.

But he’s also highly protective and would rather Tiezui not getting involved. Not that Tiezui likes it any better, but sometimes there’s simply no other choice.

“He didn’t ask for you. But since he won’t even listen to me, I’m hoping you’ll have better luck.” He sighs deeply when Tiezui just keeps on staring incredulously. “He’s sick.”

Were it anyone but Fo Ye, Tiezui would think this is a joke, But Fo Ye doesn’t do jokes. At least not like that.

“Lead the way,” Tiezui ends up saying instead of the million questions he would rather ask about how exactly did Zhang Rishan get sick.

Partly because he feels Fo Ye is quickly reaching the end of his patience. But mostly because if Fo Ye is worried, then it must be rather serious.

~

It turns out, Rishan has a cold.

A pretty bad one.

Which in itself doesn’t deserve all the worrying Tiezui did during the carride. But the idiot is insisting he is fine and can keep on working. At least, he isn’t so far gone that he ignored Fo Ye’s order that restricted him to paperwork, but Tiezui only needs to glance at the desk to determine the only thing he’s accomplishing at the moment is making a mess.

And if the runny nose, feverish-red cheeks and slightly sweaty forehead hadn’t been enough to convince him, the fact that Rishan doesn’t notice him until Tiezui is bullying him out of his chair would be the only proof he needs.

No matter how hard Rishan is trying to deny the truth.

“I don’t get sick.”

A bold statement from someone who nearly coughs out his lungs right afterwards. Needless to say, Tiezui isn’t convinced.

He continues pushing Rishan towards his room. It’s easier than it should be. A kitten would probably have more strenght than Rishan does right now.

It takes some time before he lays Rishan into bed, mostly because getting him out of his uniform gets rather more complicated when Rishan is refusing to cooperate.

But he finally manages it and Tiezui is about to leave so he can hunt for some soup when his arm is suddenly gripped tightly. The hold is slightly painful, but it pales in comparison to how his heart clenches at how so terribly lost Rishan is looking. He knows it’s the fever finally getting the best of him, but he’s not used to seeing Rishan so vulnerable.

He ends up sitting on the floor next to the bed, keeping up a light chatter to soothe him, promising not to leave yet.

The soup can wait until Rishan has rested a bit.