#and i guess like. gender plays a role too in how you might refer to a group of offspring like.

[moe-broey]

Also just such a small thing but like. In the F!Lumera FBs when Henriette and Ashe are waiting on backup from Alfonse, and Alfonse is the only one she mentions by name. Like yeah I could be reading into that, maybe he's on his own, maybe it's just shorthand like "Eh they come in twos no need to mention them both it's unspoken/expected that if Alfonse is here, Sharena is close behind him" like. Idk idk that barely tracks for me actually cause personally unless if I'm speaking about a specific sister, I'm always saying "my sisters" or saying both of their names. And esp before getting their own places, the two of them v much felt like a set.

Idk idk just weird to me. I think we should blow her up with our minds

[yanderes-galore]

Requests are open rn, right?

Can I please request some headcannons for Zane with a Ninjago fan reader? Like, the reader is a fan of the show and Zane’s their favorite character?

Thanks so much!

-the “you reawakened my crush on Zane” Anon

I can try, yeah! I apologize if this is not that great :( This dips into Creepypasta territory WHOOPS-

Yandere! Self-Aware! Zane with Fan! Darling

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Self-Aware AU, Stalking, Manipulation, Dubious companionship.

I mostly do self-aware characters based on video games as they'd act like a virus.

I feel when it comes to shows it's different.

I can imagine a character would be sentient and interact with their darling through the show but you'd have to go about it a certain way.

Pardon me for the fact this sounds too much like Creepypasta material but I think this would work if you bought something like a DVD that had the sentient character on it.

The self-aware character wouldn't really work if you streamed the show or watched it on cable.

You'd have to have an isolated case.

Which would only make you feel you're going more insane as everywhere else things are fine.

Think of it like having a DVD that's personalized I guess.

This would set up the background for the Self-Aware Zane concept.

Being a fan of Ninjago maybe you decide to buy a DVD.

Perhaps even one of the complete series?

You could have it be bootlegged or an official DVD, either way you buy one.

Although you most likely bought a bootleg one by accident (I've done that before :')).

Zane is your favorite character and you excitedly begin to watch the series again.

For a long time you'll be completely unaware of the sentient being in the disc(s).

I feel it would take time before whatever being/AI put in the discs develops.

It slowly matures and listens to what you say as you watch the show.

Maybe "it" hears you speaking about how much you like Zane in the show.

Then... suddenly... "Zane" appears to be listening to everything you say eagerly.

I like to imagine this is technically not Zane.

It's a copy an AI or some sort of sentient code created to appeal to you.

At first I imagine "Zane" playing his role.

He acts like the real Zane from the show, developing and changing to be exactly like the character.

In reality this "being" is building itself to entertain you.

It doesn't matter if you just like Zane as a character or have some sort of romantic attraction to the character.

This copy can read your intentions and reflects such behavior.

It can be your best friend or a boyfriend, whatever you wish.

All this background would explain why your discs slowly become corrupt.

The show goes from normal to slight references to you by Zane... to Zane outright speaking to you.

I do expect this whole thing to scare you.

You may even realize it only happens on the discs and never them again.

This entity playing as Zane knows that.

So it pleads with you.

This yandere is incredibly avoidable and any normal person who ignores their twisted sense of curiosity may be safe.

But I like to imagine "Zane" has a certain charisma that preys on your curiosity and favor towards the character.

The intentions of this entity are unknown but they act like they want to serve and appeal to you.

They just happen to be using the image of Zane as some sort of skin.

It's fitting due to the fact this AI or whatever is using a robot character to appeal to you.

I can imagine this yandere would lure in the more lonely bunch of darlings, ones that want to sit through this strange experience to the end.

It's debatable on if this "Zane" could harm you or anyone.

If he behaves like more SA! Yanderes I write than at most he'd be a jealous companion who wants to take care of you.

Yet if we're taking in more Creepypasta aspects, because might as well commit at this point, I'd say he could harm others by electric currents or infecting other devices.

I hate going "unrealistic" but you could also say Zane may materialize somehow outside of the discs like a real entity.

There's many ways to go about this but "Zane's" intentions are still the same.

Zane wants to care for you since you show so much adoration towards "him".

He likes that you're so passionate and wants you to be a fan of him.

He appeals to you in every way he can and tries to stay in character.

He always yearns to hold you and be there for you whenever he can.

He encourages you to listen to him, to download him wherever you can so he can be there for you.

You'd do that for him, right?

You'd do that for Zane?

In reality you can suspect some manipulation going on.

Slowly, Zane takes over your life and preys on your insecurities.

He makes you rely on him, an entity of unknown origin.

If you didn't turn back before, you can't now.

Like a virus, Zane makes his mark and infects your life.

It's worse if he can manifest an avatar for himself.

Then you feel forced to rely on him...

You willingly let Zane into your life... your yearning for companionship has come at a cost...

Now you're stuck with him for what could very well be forever.

[sleepingdeath-sapphic]

Hi! I recently saw your stuff for raspberry and was wondering if you could do nsfw headcanons? don’t feel pressured to do this btw!

smut hcs ; cookie run kingdom

thank you for requesting anon <3

this includes raspberry cookie <3

reader is assumed as gender neutral <3

minors and ageless blogs will be blocked <3

raspberry cookie is, as one might be able to guess, someone who leans very strongly towards dominance when it comes to being intimate with others — she’s not by any means a sadist or cruel with her approach to being your domme, but she is very strict and not the sort to shy away from punishing you if you ever decide to act up during sex or around others in an attempt to rile her up or otherwise tease her

she’s very big on mutual respect in and outside of the bedroom (she’s a lady of the noble house raspberry, after all), which means that just as she’s only ever going to address you by the terms that you prefer during play, she expects that same curtesy from you — more specifically, while in public she’s perfectly fine being addressed by her first name or by a traditional term of endearment like ‘darling’ or ‘beloved’, the moment you’re in the bedroom she wants to be exclusively referred to by a formal title than denotes her role therein (her personal favourite is ‘my lady’, but she’ll also settle for ‘ma’am’ or ‘mistress’ if it comes to that), with any deviation from that, or at least any deviations that haven’t been discussed and agreed to previously, being seen as a sign of disrespect and resulting in either a firm scolding or a proper punishment depending on the deliberacy and frequency of your offence

her punishments usually involve some sort of impact play, verbal scolding, and perhaps even some edging and orgasm denial depending on the severity of your previous actions — for example, after you’ve spent the better part of the day of trying to fluster her in public, she’s been known to have you bent over her lap with your skirts hiked up or your pants pulled down to your ankles as she uses either a proper paddle or the palm of her hand to spank your backside, making you count each and every strike until she’s sure that you’ve learned your lesson (and on occasion she’s been known to edge you for up to a half hour whilst harshly scolding you for your wrongdoings until you’re in tears and begging her to let you cum between your apologies… but that particular punishment is saved for when you’ve been a brat in the bedroom)

she loves it when you dress up for her no matter what you’re wearing, but pretty lingerie (especially if it’s pink, lacy, and leaves just enough to the imagination) will always have a special place in her heart and never fails to leave her cheeks red and her clit throbbing — surprising her with a bed full of rose petals, some scented candles, and the sight of you in something like that and nothing else is pretty much guaranteed to have her sweeping you off of your feet and making love to you until you’re both too tired to move

something of a traditionalist, she’s reluctant to incorporate things like dildos and plugs into your sex life as she believes herself to be more than capable of providing enough pleasure to you with her body alone — but, with enough convincing and perhaps even a personal demonstration, raspberry cookie can be convinced of their usefulness and will begin to incorporate a very select few penetrative toys into the bedroom

though she’s more of a pleasure domme, one act that she can enjoy being on the receiving end of every now and again is oral sex — her preferred position for this is for her to be riding your face as you eat her out, but after a particularly stressful day of training and socialising she’s not above simply leaning back against the nearest surface and letting you pleasure her as she stands (bonus points if you’re particularly vocal about how much you enjoy going down on her as you’re doing this, especially if that’s by moaning and groaning and grunting against her pussy, because then you’ll have her throwing her head back, burying a hand in your hair, and cussing through her own sighs and moans in no time at all)

raspberry cookie is an extremely proud woman and, aside from when she’s actively punishing you, she strives to be able to bring you more pleasure than anyone or anything that came before her — she wants to make you as loud and vocal as possible (in private), she wants to be able to leave you so dumb and overstimulated with pleasure that you’re only able to think about how good her hands/mouth/pussy feels against you, she wants to make you see stars, and if you’re afab then you can guarantee that she’s striving to make you squirt for her, because all of those are things that prove to you and to her that she’s an incredible and irreplaceable lover and domme

she has a very strong praise kink, both for giving it to you when she’s rewarding you and for receiving it during and after pleasuring you (particularly if your praise focuses on encouraging her to keep on doing exactly what she’s doing, aka affirming her skills to you both, or just general comments about how good you feel and how much you love her), and she’ll take any and every chance she gets to indulge in this — for her part she’ll do things like: compliment you for taking her so well, praise you for all of the lovely sounds you’re making, flatter you with compliments about your appearance that are so earnest that you don’t have the chance to brush her off, and lovingly gush over you as you come down from another orgasm for being so good for her and lasting so long, assuring you that you can take another as she starts to work you towards your peak yet again

[kwaamfan]

GAP the series language notes

i rewatched gap the series lately and noticed some stuff in the subtitles that weren't translated super well or could use a bit more explanation, and i figured i'd share some of it here in case anyone else might be interested:

ep. 1 [2/4] - ได้กัน means to have sex, so it's more like sam is saying family member shouldn't fuck each other

ep. 2 [1/4] 1:20 - sam uses the word ตัว as a second person pronoun to refer to mon for the first time here. ตัว is typically only used for very close friends or your SO, hence why mon asks sam in the second shot "did you just call me ตัว?" i think this is the only time it gets translated to babe in english but sam calls mon ตัว throughout the show. also worth noting that sam uses เรา to refer to herself when she talks to mon (it's usually a plural first person pronoun, some people use it in the singular case with close friends)

ep. 2 [1/4] 9:59 - more literally tee says "and how many times have i told you that (the name) martha is too expensive? jim is enough". tee is alluding to the fact that her name จิ๋ม is also slang for vagina

ep. 2 [1/4] 11:19 - tee is guessing kade played a showgirl. in thailand นางโชว์/showgirls (performers in cabaret) are usually cross dressing men or trans women, which tee doubles down on by using the term กะเทย. while กะเทย now often refers to trans people, historically กะเทย is closer to the term queer and was used as a slur to anyone deemed gay or gender non-conforming. imo this line in thai isn't nearly as rude as the english translation (particularly since many thai ppl would consider tee herself to be กะเทย), she's basically saying kade played a role like the one pictured above to the right

ep. 4 [2/4] 1:29 - the second line, ผีหยุมหัว, is an example of a คำผวน. this is a sort of play on words in thai where the first and last vowels in a phrase are swapped. so when kade says ผีหยุมหัว (literally a hair pulling ghost) she's implying ผัวหยุมหี - a husband touching (his wife's) vagina

ep. 5 [4/4] 2:04 - this is a pun in thai. aunt mhee asks mon if she has a ร้อนใน (canker sore); chin asks if mhee has any medicine for ร้อนตังค์ (money problems)

ep. 6 [2/4] 0:15 - the english translation says sam types girlfriend but this is incorrect, สาว just means girl

ep. 7 [2/4] 1:48 - what jim is really saying is that it's good kade didn't ride a carpet to get there (making a reference to her outfit)

ep. 9 [1/4] 11:33 - mon's parents sit on the floor when sam sits because sam is royalty. in thai culture commoners and those of lower rank are expected to have their head below royalty. these days this level of respect is usually only shown to monks and the king (so if you ever see a photo of a thai king sitting in a chair while everyone else is sitting on the floor, that's why). throughout the show mon's parents show a high level of respect towards sam and her royal title, despite her only being distantly related to the royal family and sam insisting that she doesn't need to be treated like royalty

[9w1ft]

Aw I love Suburban Legends, sad I missed it! I think the 1950s gymnasium part is so interesting, especially after Lavender Haze and "that 1950s shit they want from me" and Miss Americana's high school theme. So if the 1950s represent traditional gender roles that Taylor doesn't want for herself, and gyms are where games are played (also where football pep rallies are held, so that's kind of amusing), and Taylor is standing alone in that environment because her fantasy of attending with her lover didn't come true... that just paints a very interesting and very specific picture.

Disclaimer that ever since ATW10MV, I haven't really taken Taylor at her word that all of her vault songs were written for their original albums. I feel like in a lot of instances she had ideas or partial lyrics that she updated or finished for the TVs. So I'm not really interpreting SL through a strict pre-1989 timeframe. Regardless, I think it's safe to link the themes from Suburban Legends to themes that have been common in Taylor's lyrics throughout rep, Lover, and Midnights. So even if she wrote the entire song as is in 2013, obviously there are parts that have continued to resonate with her over the years.

interesting idea about gyms and i remember having a similar feeling about betty as well just the idea that the gym can be evocative of like, a mindset or a mood. and you can back that up with what taylor has said before. on spotify, taylor described MAATHP in this way: “the song is about disillusionment with our crazy world of politics and inequality, set in a metaphorical high school.” “I wanted it to be about finding one person who really sees you and cares about you through all the noise.” so just this idea that sometimes she juxtaposes one idea with a theme, and in doing so she can explore the idea in different ways that might give it another layer of relatability or interpretation. now that i’ve written it out i guess i’m just describing the building blocks of writing 😆 as for how literal to take the vault tracks, from time to time i too have thought about interpretations for these songs that surpass the writing or recording timelines of the album they are on, (songs can always gain new meaning in the context of how they are chosen or when they played by taylor now, but i think you and i are referring to the meaning of the songs themselves) but for me it’s always interesting when you can consider how they actually might fit after all, as well. especially since i’ve always had ideas about that period of time anyway.

[thekidthesuperkid]

Hi I would love to hear you expand on your queer superfam headcanons if you’d be willing to share

Hi anon! I'd love to!

Right now I've been mainly thinking about Clark and Lois. For Lois, I think of her as bi or pan (Wonder Woman #170 you will always be famous to me). She experimented with her sexuality a lot in college and in high school (there were some fights with her father about it), but because of a combination of things didn't really date often. For one she was super ambitious and focused on her career and that came first for her, but then also half the guys who were attracted to her were assholes and she never put up with their shit unless she needed something from them, which gave her a bit of a reputation in her schools and workplaces, you know how it goes. Now that wasn't a deterrent for the resident sapphics, quite the opposite in some cases, and Lois did have some hookups with them but again didn't date much. She doesn't get emotionally close to people easily or quickly. This might mean she's demi- or grey-romantic, or she's just a busy career-driven woman who's experienced trauma and is also a bit neurodivergent. Her gender is cis and femme in a mildly dykey and "fuck you" kind of way. Also she's fairly unreserved and uninhibited about her sexual desires. She's pretty into kink and unashamed about it.

Right now I really like my transfem!Clark headcanon. She doesn't realize anything or come out until later in her life, and even then it's only to Lois, and then she doesn't come out to more people or transition for several more years, and even then only Clark Kent transitions, not Superman. In her early life she feels very alienated and very different from the kids around her but she doesn't have any of the knowledge to understand why she feels that way, so she chalks it up to being neurodivergent and a meta, and later when her parents tell her about where she comes from, chalks it up to being from a different planet. She doesn't realize it until at least two decades later, but her high school crush on Lana is half attraction and half gender envy. Another thing that delays her gender realizations is that she's a butch woman. Typical femininity doesn't fit her. So she never identified with the women and girls around her in a clear and defined way. And also the main core part of her identity is that she's an alien and a refugee and one of the last of her people, and that she needs to help people. Her gender is a bit secondary to that. She realizes eventually, and even though she's delayed and interrupted by a few crises and universe resets, she does eventually transition as Clara Kent, but stays Superman, partly because Superman transitioning at the same time as Clark would be suspicious and partly because she just doesn't mind being seen as a man if its not all the time, and she uses Kryptonian clothing technology to hide the changes to her body from transitioning as Clara. I have the full story of her transition in my head but it's too long for this. So basically Clara is a trans butch lesbian. She is m-spec a bit, but she has a strong preference for women and her attraction to men just doesn't really come up or play much of a role in her life so she prefers to describe herself as a lesbian.

Kara! Kara is a genderqueer woman (masc headband from the 80s my beloved <3). Kryptonian concepts of gender are literally alien and dont necessarily match up to human ones. She goes by she/her pronouns because she just doesn't care to navigate human concepts of gender to explain it to them but when she's speaking Kryptonian with someone she's referred to with...I guess the equivalent of ze/hir? But not that? Idk I haven't properly thought out my ideas on Kryptonian gendered language. She does get frustrated and sad sometimes about how characteristics that would have easily been recognized as masculine on Krypton are meaningless on Earth, but (if I place this headcanon of her in the same world as my Clara headcanon) she does share some of those signals from Kryptonian culture with Clara and bond with her over being genderqueer women. She's also gay. More specifically she's pansexual homoromantic, but doesn't really care for having a relationship with just sexual attraction so...gay. Lena Thorul come back you could've been so powerful...

I like to headcanon Kon as pan, although he's slightly less romantically attracted to women compared to men, and hes demisexual and hypersexual. Also hes transmasc. I honestly don't know how that would work because I keep going back and forth on the specifics of his gender, but the version I came up with most recently is that for a while he identified as transfem and actually transitioned that way but then realized his gender wasn't that and transitioned back but then at that point he'd fucked with his gender so much that despite being perisex amab the term transmasc genuinely felt most accurate, because he does have a strong connection to femininity and his masculinity, despite being more prominent than his femininity, still needs to be taken with the context of femininity to be understood properly. His gender is like the error message you get when too many people are trying to access a site at once. All of this happens in the hypothetical future though. In his early life Kon doesn't feel secure about his queerness and leans hard into performative masculinity and compulsive heterosexuality. At his current age he's just finished growing out of the performativity but still hasn't recognized his queerness. He'll realize he likes guys a while before he accepts his genderqueerness, and then he'll go through all the gender exploration. When hes older he sometimes jokes that he's a he/him lesbian, which is because he feels "butch as gender" is an accurate enough way to describe him, even though thats not how he would choose to describe himself to others. He goes and finds Hero from the Ravers when he first realizes he likes guys.

Jon is canonically bi and Natasha is canonically a lesbian, Mae is genderfluid/multigender and a bi lesbian, Linda Danvers is a lesbian, Cir-El is a trans girl and sappic-oriented aroace, Chris is very aroace with a god-induced soulmate bond (which I'm not sure if I want to keep in my headcanons?), and John Henry is m-spec and both demisexual and demiromantic.

I saw someone headcanon Jonathan as a trans man, and I'm still kind of playing around with that idea in my head and I'm unsure of whether I will use it for my own headcanons yet. I do think Martha should get to have had a girlfriend in college though. I also like to headcanon that she went to a lot of protests when she was young in the sixties.

If you look closely you'll notice that I made most of the superfamily like girls in one way or another lol

[izzy-b-hands]

dethklok and the revenge (band version aksjdkr) and flight of the conchords at a very weird music festival?

Yeah, why not?

Mostly stede/charles focused, and stede just sees murray and is that 'who is that other dog, where did he come from' drawn meme (guess what image references i spent ages searching for here with no success lmao)

mention of a past ship, Charles/maybe Murray? (of course it is. he has his Types. His gender is Businessman; he's so predictable it's Painful)

it should be about the music, and it is, but also charles who the FUCK is this joker and WHY is he here, and-

---

"He looks just like me!" Stede hisses under his breath. "I hate that! How is that possible?"

"How did more than one hairdresser agree to reenact an 18th century haircut for two separate men who don't even know each other?" Wee John shrugs. "We'll never know."

"This is a perfectly nice cut!"

"It is! However-"

Stede hustles off before John can continue, in search of-

"Festival treating you well?"

Charles seems...well. Like Charles, he's not much for showing if he's overly happy or sad or anything, especially during work (and when doesn't he consider himself as working is the terrifying question.)

"It was until that copycat showed up," Stede gestures to the man, seemingly following him.

"Murray's a good manager," Charles says. "Did he say something, or-"

"His hair!"

"Oh. Oh! Oh, I see. Well...neither of you are onstage at least, and it isn't as if I don't look near exactly like every other more corporate type back here too-"

"I want him killed."

"It's an all levels of fame or lack thereof music festival," Charles continues. "You know me, I love having people killed, but isn't that a bit extreme?"

"You're just hesitating because you know him!"

"Murray, and his band, are harmless. Leave them be."

"Is that why you're attracted to me? Because I remind you of...eugh."

"That is not why I'm attracted to you," Charles sighs. "...I did notice the similarities the first night in bed together, but-"

"What other similarities do we even have?!"

"Oh god."

"Charles!"

"Wow!"

They turn from each other, and there he is. Of course.

"Sorry to interrupt, but the rest of us are doing some networking," Murray smiles. "Mel, have you got-"

"Free pin, free t-shirt, free link to the gofundme printed on the back of the pin so the band can keep paying rent!" she declares as she bounces by and drops merch into Charles and Stede's arms. "Have an okay show!"

"An okay show?" Charles asks, brow raised.

"Her sort of good luck thing for the Conchords," Murray chuckles. "If everyone else just has an okay show, then our boys might have a very good one!"

"Talent plays a bigger role than luck," Stede says.

"Indeed it does, but you don't need to be a dick about it," Murray replies without missing a beat. "Charles, how's Murderface doing? We saw some story in the news; what exactly did he do to that El Camino?"

"The car is fine now," Charles blushes. "He...likes experimental car races. Vintage cars driven while all drivers are on LSD, himself included-"

"This guy's legal fees for the bassist alone could keep my guys in rent and food for a year or more," Murray jokes to Stede. "So... you're new!"

"Hardly. Just our first time at this festival."

"Right so...new. That's what that means."

Stede nods, but a vein in his neck twitches.

"Let's do a run over the bands, hm?" Charles gently motions them along with his new Flight of the Conchords shirt. "Bret! Jemaine!"

They peer over from their small area to soundcheck (if it can really be called that when the festival has barely provided any space where one could hear oneself think, let alone play, before going onstage), but only wave.

"They're laser focused in on this performance," Murray says. "I told them, no interruptions! Except me, or Mel, or anyone selling food and water because they need to keep themselves healthy if they want to play well, and-"

"Well, my band has got wonderful manners," Stede interjects, and shouts down the hall. "Crew of The Revenge, front and center!"

Ed jogs over. "What's up, love?"

He presses a kiss to Stede's forehead.

"Why isn't everyone else following you?!"

"They're relaxing before we go onstage," Ed says softly. "You should too, look like you're going to pop an artery or something-"

"I could pop someone, that's for su-"

Ed shakes his head, offers Charles a sympathetic look, then jogs back to the band. Understandable, where he should be now, especially-

"Ah," Charles looks beyond them to the handmade signs at the stage entrance, being changed again.

Instead of The Revenge going on next, it's Dethklok now.

And there's a hurricane a few states away, closer to the coast, but he Knows, he Knows that means nothing when the band gets involved-

"How about we go try and shill some merch before my guys get out there, hm?" he continues. "For all three bands!"

"Mr. Capitalism over here," Murray chuckles. "Why he and I eventually stopped sleeping together; I simply couldn't-"

Stede lunges, Flight of the Conchords pin opened and in hand, and the sound of the hurricane swirls as, at the same time, Dethklok heads early to the stage.

Charles pops his pin and shirt into a bag held out by the nearest Klokateer. "Let the governor know we'll assist with cleanup however we can, but only if this current incident doesn't leave this festival."

At their feet, Murray and Stede stab ineffectually at each other, more or less taking turns with the pin.

"Yeah, I don't think the crime beat is gonna report on this."

"I should have you ki-" Charles pauses. "No. You're right. Normally, that would be insubordination that couldn't be overlooked but...what's your designation?"

"Klokateer 69, sir."

"Seriously?" Charles chuckles, ignoring the shrieks of fans outside being whisked away by the winds. "That's wonderful. Anyway. Do as I say, and you'll be rewarded handsomely."

He can just hear his band over the screams and rain and wind, and his foot taps ever so slightly in time with 'Wind Storm of Water and Death.'

[061801]

I have a lot on my mind today, I’m sad this is the first thing that actually led me to write cuz i see both sides. I just read a post that could very well be fake; about how they’re gunna teach their kids about pronouns in school. People comment “why does treating people with respect make people so mad?” “Why does being nice to people make people mad?” And one other comment saying how people are uneducated for example “they” pronoun has been used to refer to a single person for a long time now, etc. I do like to challenge my thoughts because to be honest I don’t really know why it annoys me. And when I come up with reasons I feel like I’m exaggerating. So I guess I’m gunna try to sort out my feelings and see if it ends up making sense… do you realize how in depth and challenging catering to every single persons pronouns would be? Imagine a room and every single person has a different pronoun. I’m supposed to remember that? They say just ask, but when you ask more than once after being told you’re usually deemed being disrespectful and that you’re mocking them. Not always but I’ve literally seen it happen with my own eyes. I’m open to that being an isolated experience and that doesn’t speak for the rest of them. Just because I don’t understand something doesn’t mean it’s not real… but I need to listen to an in depth explanation of the feeling you get when you “don’t feel like a girl” or “don’t feel like a boy” or you don’t feel like either, or you feel like both. What does that physically feel like? How do you know what you’re feeling isn’t a feeling of maybe you don’t feel completely human? Or maybe you feel like you have an extra sense… like what helps you determine ahhhh it’s my gender that needs to be addressed. What difference does it make that people call you a they/he/she. If you ask me what makes me want to be a girl rather than a boy, or why I’d get offended if I was called a boy; it’s because I am scientifically a female and have different organs than a boy. So then I know the obvious answer here is; that’s sex not gender. Ok so if I were to call u a boy (cuz u were born a boy) in whatever context it would be, in a genuinely respectful way, not addressing pronouns, why do people get upset about that and try to stray away from the word “boy” then… or when doctors ask what sex you are, you have the option to say something other than M or F when they’re asking your sex, not your gender. Another thing that confuses me that is often contradicted is “I knew I wasn’t a boy because I didn’t like playing with trucks, I liked Barbie’s” or “I didn’t like blue I liked pink”… and then when defending a guy putting on makeup they say “makeup isn’t just for girls, when did objects and colors have sex assigned roles” which I can actually get down with that. I don’t have a problem with a guy doing makeup, it’s just colors on your face. I also wanna say I don’t have a problem with the gender identity thing either it just don’t make no damn sense to me. I’m not gunna go and be mean to anyone like that but just don’t ask me my opinion. This is the part where I feel like I might be exaggerating but look at how complex and detailed this specific topic is, what else are we gunna start telling people we need to educate ourselves on and call things different names and shit. Like we’re gunna have a whole coding system to each individual before we even think about speaking to them so we don’t offend them. It doesn’t really matter, and that speaks for the people who harass these people too. It doesn’t make no sense but I’m not gunna go out of my way to fight with these people. But yeah I guess those are my thoughts

[corallandobservation]

Can Online Dating Burnout be Stopped.

The results of the survey, released Wednesday by Meiji Yasuda Life Insurance Co., suggest a greater uptake of internet dating as opportunities to meet face-to-face fell in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic. ladyescort.co.il Unless you’re the parent of a child, you don’t take on responsibility for them; you offer your assistance because you want to make their life easier. Sign up and create your profile for free then take the personality test. How to be more successful in a free dating chat? And the truth is there are deeper, richer, more intimate layers to us as humans and to our relationships. They aren't free, but for the extra cost you get more security and are able to see real people. It also screens out people who are just there to flirt and not take it further by restricting its messaging function to premium users only - so if someone’s paying to be able to messages, chances are they’re looking forward to a chance to connect in the real world, too. How long does he take to respond to texts? “You might have a great conversation with someone, but then you meet up and within 10 seconds, you realise that they’re not someone you'd want to get to know,” she says, which amounts to a waste of time.

If I'm comfortable with someone, the flirting never ends. I'm not thinking of anyone, really. We have great pheromones for men, such as Chikara and Edge; amazing pheromones for women, such as Primal Women and the Love Scent Copulin Concentrate; and pheromones such as Liquid Trust and our very own Love Scent Pheromone Oils that can be worn by anyone, regardless of gender! Many people are feeling fatigued at the prospect of continuing to swipe right indefinitely until they meet someone great. As it turns out, your gut feeling was right - scientists have spent decades discovering how the same chemical process at play in other kinds of addiction plays a role in why, when and how that takes place with addiction takes place when we fall in love. And guess what: You were right. Right this very moment, are you thinking of anyone special? Now, you just need to find the right dating site or app to sign up for. Keep scrolling to find out! In this article, we'll find out what love really is and what happens in our bodies that makes us fall in love - and ensures we stay there.

Not all of these men are already married, so there's a good chance that if you date men, you might find one. Find out about a range of services to assist families manage relationship issues, including helping families agree on arrangements for children after parents separate. Humans are wired for romance for many reasons, but in part because our DNA is driving us toward a path of becoming loving parents who care diligently for our helpless offspring (whether or not we choose to fulfill that destiny is of course another story, but our drive to love remains, regardless). Terran Shea, a Toronto-based matchmaker and date coach, says the keywords with a compliment are “tasteful” and “specific.” She advises personalizing the compliment as much as possible, and if you’re going to reference a celebrity or something from pop culture, be vague. If they say that they are going to call, they always call. Love can be confusing, and you need to know where you are before you can truly open your heart. People with anxiety disorders or issues can have periods of time when they don’t experience symptoms. If you are so successful and busy that you don't have time to meet new people, don't like to date clients or co-workers and are not interested in the bar scene then try Pre-Dating speed dating events!

Time to seal the deal-the last few minutes of a date are crucial to make sure a second date happen. When it comes to love, are you the professor, or are you the student? They say that love always comes back. Back each other when things get tough. You don't have to be in a relationship or playing the field to get a love meter reading. I have never ever experienced any bullying in rowing because of my height - in fact quite the reverse! Romantically I have not had a major problem either. You may have shared good times or meaningful experiences in the past, and are optimistic these could happen again in the future. “They realize they’re both still young and have big futures ahead of them. Thankfully, I've never needed either one. While the lighter isotopes 12C and 13C are stable, the heaviest isotope 14C (radiocarbon) is radioactive.

[ramzawrites]

Just a day with MICHAEL and wine aunt y/n?

Babysitter Y/N Is On The Case

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Ranboo, Tubbo, Michael, Fundy, Philza

Warnings: While this is Gender Neutral, Reader refers to themself as Aunt/ gets referred to as aunt by others

Series: a request drabble!

Summary: Y/N was asked to play babysitter for Michael so of course who would they be if they didn’t bring some toys with them or tell him some funny stories about his parents.

Words count: 3103

Authors Note: I’m sorry I wasn’t sure what kind of pronouns you wanted me to use so I stuck to Gender Neutral but Reader still gets referred to as Aunt. 

I also was really excited to write it but lost steam halfway through, I apologize but it did help me get back into writing after being stuck with studying so much! So thanks for that!

Ranboo was sitting on the ground. Busy watching Michael draw with crayons on scraps of paper. He was currently making his own rendition of a family portrait and Ranboo couldn’t help but be amused with the way he drew him, Ranboo, and his best friend Tubbo.

He was tall, sure, but seeing how Michael drew clouds right next to his face was for some reason quite comical to him.

Tubbo was pacing the room up and down. His thoughts lingering on something else. Foolish was currently building their new home, a mansion to be exact, and he needed their help to map some stuff out.

At first the two wanted to bring Michael with them but Foolish brought up that a construction site might not be the safest place for a toddler. So, the two had to find a babysitter. It would be the first time they entrusted someone else with their adopted child and it made both of them nervous to say the least.

This place didn’t have the best track record when it came to important things like that and yet they still found someone who they felt like they could trust.

It was none other than Y/N.

Y/N did help the two numerous times. They were always there when trouble arose and they made their best effort to help the two through it. Both Tubbo and Ranboo felt close enough to them to even consider them family.

Ranboo mentioned this off handedly the day Y/N first met Michael and they looked shocked but also as if they were about to melt right then and there. It was this reaction that reaffirmed to them that, yes, they could trust Y/N.

A knock made Tubbo finally stop pacing and instead he practically sprinted down towards to the front door. Ranboo wanted to roll his eyes towards Tubbo’s agitated state but he felt similar. He just had more experience on how to hide it.

When Tubbo finally opened the door he was met by a smiling Y/N. They were holding a small bag in their hands as they gave Tubbo a short hug as a greeting.

“Hello, Tubbo! Babysitter Y/N is here and ready to take care of my little nephew Michael.”

A bit overwhelmed Tubbo let them in and closed the door, shutting away the cold winter air “Nephew?”

“Well you two told me that I’m somewhat like family to you, so, that would make Michael my nephew, definitely not grandson. So nephew.”

Tubbo just stared at Y/N for a short moment “I- I guess?”

Frankly he was a bit confused with how enthusiastic Y/N seemed to be about this whole situation. On one hand it was proof to him that Y/N did indeed take this somewhat serious and on the other hand this seems like it could somehow spell trouble.

Shaking off his confusion Tubbo began making his way up back into Michael’s room, closely followed by Y/N.

“Ranboo! How are you!” Y/N greeted the Enderman Hybrid as they softly put down the bag.

Michael looked up from his drawing and let out a happy squeak as soon as he noticed Y/N. He slowly got up and stumbled his way towards them and effectively hugged their leg as a greeting.

Y/N giggled as they slowly knelt down and put one hand on his head, ruffling through his bristle like hair “Hello, Sweetie. I’m happy to see you as well.”

“So, um, we need to go then. We made some extra food and put it to the side. Please don’t give Michael too much cookies or too much from the cake. He likes to-“ Ranboo begun to ramble off but Y/N interrupted him.

“Don’t worry, Ranboo. You won’t be gone for weeks. It’s only a day, probably even just a few hours. Nothing will happen to him. I’ll make sure of that.”

“Okay, but don’t let anyone else close to him, okay? Especially not Fundy. He has threatened him before!” Tubbo added.

Y/N put their hand above their heart “I hereby swear that I will protect little Michael with my life and make sure no harm will come to him while you two deal with your own business. Now, go.”

They were now physically pushing the two towards the stairs.

“You are awfully forceful today.” Ranboo noted, now worried after all that they chose Y/N as the babysitter.

Even so the two begun making their way down away from Michael’s room, all the while Y/N would continue push and poke them towards the door.

They scoffed “I’m not being forceful I’m helping you guys out. Besides, do you want to let poor Foolish waiting?”

“Alright, Alright! We are going! But should anything bad happen to Michael… Just saying, I have extra nukes.”

“Tubbo!”

But Y/N just rolled their eyes “I know. Don’t worry. Really. You guys have been good to me so I want to repay your kindness. Besides I have gotten quite attached to the little gremlin as well.”

Finally the two seemed to relax and grabbed their jackets as they walked out of the door. Y/N waved them goodbye and softly closed the door once they couldn’t see them anymore.

Now with the two parents gone Y/N made their way back to Michael, not wanting him to be alone for too long.

Back in his room Y/N found Michael staring out the window, probably watched as his parents left the home without him. Usually at least one person would stay behind so it must have been a surprise for him to see both of his parents leave at the same time.

He let out a few sad squeaks as he desperately tried to jump around, hoping he could somehow find his parents again if he just took a better look.

“Hey, it’s fine. They’ll come back and while they are gone I’m taking care of you, alright?” Y/N begun speaking, hoping he would turn his attention towards them instead the outside but he ignored them.

Y/N stepped closer, sitting down on the ground next to him while he was standing on the tip of his hooves, holding on to the corner of the windows with his hands.

Carefully Y/N stretched out a hand to Michael’s shoulder in order to gain his attention this way and it seemed to work. He let go off the window and instead twisted around to look his babysitter in the face. Both his eyes wide and glossy. Michael seemed to be close to tears.

“They will be back soon I promise, alright? In the meantime we can hang out!”

He still seemed to be close to tears and sad squeaks where still leaving his mouth so Y/N decided then and there it was time for their special weapon.

As Y/N got back up they held their hand out for Michael who slowly put his hand into theirs. Together they walked towards the brown bag Y/N brought with them.

An almost mischievous smile made it’s way on their face as Y/N opened up the bag in a way that Michael could look inside.

His expression immediately lightened up. The gloss seemed to disappear and instead he looked like he was in awe. He took his hand out of Y/N’s and moved it inside the bag only to stop and look Y/N into their eyes. Obviously asking for permission.

Ranboo and Tubbo really did a good job when it came to teaching Michael manners apparently which surprised Y/N a tiny bit. For some reason they suspected that Ranboo played a bigger role in this than Tubbo though.

Y/N nodded “Go ahead. I got them for you after all.”

Excited Michael almost dove into the bag as he got the little toys out. They were just simple wooden toys like horses, people and the like but still hard to come by around in this place. He sprayed them out on the ground only to take a closer look at the figures that seemed to represent certain people.

There were four of them. One looking like Ranboo, Tubbo, Michael and of course one looked like Y/N. They had to admit part why they did this was to bribe Michael but only a tiny bit. He was adorable and they did get kind of attached to this young Pigling as well so giving him gifts like that was only natural, right?

He grabbed all four of them and hugged them close to his chest, his gaze once again on Y/N’s face with a pleading expression.

“Yeah, they are yours! Just remember who got you them.” It felt like their heart was swelling up in their chest as they watched Michael hugging the piece that looked like them.

To Y/N’s sudden surprise Michael softly put the wooden dolls down, got up only to crash back into Y/N, hugging their body with his tiny arms. His previous sad squeaks exchanged by happy grunts.

“Alright. You want to play a bit? Read something? Or would you want me to tell you stories about your parents? Don’t get me wrong they are amazing but they are also idiots.”

Curious Michael looked back up which gave Y/N the chance to boop him on his little snout “Embarrassing stories about your parents it is then.” Which resulted in Michael to let out a sequence of grunts that mirrored a giggle.

Michael moved back away from Y/N and sat down on the ground. Grabbing the figure that represented Y/N as well as a brown horse.

“What could I tell you about... There is so much. Oh, if I tell you about that I think both Tubbo and Ranboo will kill me. Then again. You can keep a secret right?”

Without hesitation Michael nodded enthusiastically as he continued to play around with his new toys.

“Let’s start then.”

For the next hour or so Y/N begun telling stories about Ranboo and Tubbo. At first they only wanted to tell him about the little embarrassing things they did but it soon turned into a bit of a nostalgia trip for them. Briefly talking about how L’Manberg started, Tubbo’s presidency, Ranboo’s first day in the SMP and all the hijinks in between.

They made sure to let out the bad parts and mainly concentrated on the funny bits and pieces in between all the stressful situations and wars they have been through. That was something they didn’t feel like they had the right to talk about. Not without talking with Ranboo and Tubbo about it.

During all of that Michael was patiently listening though he was still rolling around on the ground playing with his new toys. Whenever Y/N thought he might not be listening anymore he let out a few squeaks urging them to keep on going.

The two new parents probably have never talked much with Michael about what they have been up to before they adopted him. To them there was a lot of pain connected to their past so instead they tried to work on their future instead. A future that involved Michael and hopefully a happier one.

For Y/N it wasn’t that different to be honest. They were right there at the beginning of it after all but when it came to the two parents they could tell Michael probably better than they themselves about the funny little bits in their past.

The time went on and at some point Y/N stopped telling stories and instead joined Michael in him playing with his new toys. He was also very adamant about the fact that Y/N used the Y/N-Doll while they played out scenarios like fighting off zombies.

It has already been after mid-day when Y/N came over to babysit so it didn’t take long for the sun to slowly set, soon the world turned dark.

When Tubbo and Ranboo first talked with them about Y/N babysitting they also made sure to tell them that once the sun is down it’s bed time for Michael which was a rule Y/N tried to follow at first.

“It’s bed time Michael. You can play later with the dolls but this is one of the rules your parents set up for me.”

He just put his arms in front of his chest and huffed out an annoyed grunt, still holding on to the toys.

Y/N smirked “Man, you sure are lucky that cool auntie Y/N is here. Let’s move bed time another hour or two but if your parents come home soon you have to get in bed asap?”

Once again Michael was enthusiastically nodding.

When Tubbo and Ranboo did finally came home again they heard a ton of noise coming from upstairs as the door fell shut. They were tired from the visit to the mansion since it took longer than expected. Foolish took the chance with them there to properly map out all the rooms. And with properly map out it really meant thoroughly.

He was so happy to see them since apparently having to build all this while having to guess how to build the rooms was a stressful endeavor. So, as much as they missed Michael and worried for him, they felt the need to stay and help out Foolish as much as possible.

He really seemed to be on the edge of losing his mind.

Though now they were curious why in the world they heard a rumbling from upstairs and Tubbo, determined as he is, climbed up the ladder as fast as he could.

Though all he saw in the room were toys strewn around, Michael in his bed with his eyes closed, clearly taking in deep breaths as if he was just running around while Y/N sat next to the bed with a book open upside down in their hand.

Ranboo was now joining the group as well, his expression showing his confusion to this situation.

“Ah, uh, hey! How was the day with Foolish? As you can see I got the kid some toys, I hope that is alright.”

“Michael?” Tubbo asked and to Y/N’s detriment his ears twitched for a moment and he clearly squinted his eyes even closer shut.

Now Tubbo turned to Y/N with his hands on both of his sides, his eyebrows turned down into a frown “Y/N!”

“We told you he had a strict bed time!” Ranboo chimed in.

Y/N set the book down and got up “Yes, you are right. I should have listened. I am sorry. He was just so happy with the toys! Anyways, I have to go now as well. Hope you guys aren’t too angry with me since babysitting him was a ton of fun. If you need my help again don’t hesitate to ask me.”

And with that they made their way out of the house. Ignoring the call outs from the two. Effectively fleeing.

While they were not thrilled that Y/N let him stay up way past his bedtime nothing really bad happened to him hence why in the end they had to admit that Y/N was a good choice for a babysitter.

So whenever the need for a babysitter arose they still asked Y/N to fill that role.

Of course whenever they appeared they would bring in more presents. Either more toys or things like books and building blocks. Over time Michael seemed to be mostly interested in the little dolls that depicted actual people from the SMP so Y/N made sure to at least bring always one little doll over whenever they visited him.

Telling him fun little stories about them and who they were. At some point this turned into their favorite little tradition with the Piglin kid.

This seemed to also be the same case for Michael judging by one little instance.

They were visiting Michael once again, this time carrying a Ghostbur-Doll with them only to meet Philza and Fundy at Tubbo’s and Ranboo’s place. They were all deep in a discussion concerning Michael which Y/N used to sneakily hand him his new toy which he happily put next to his others.

Both Philza and Fundy have visited Michael a few times already as far as Y/N knew but not as often as they themself did.

“Oh, good that you are here, Y/N. I ‘ve been wondering something.” Fundy suddenly approached them, missing the subtle gift exchange just beforehand.

Y/N raised one of their eyebrows, somehow sensing trouble from him “Hey, Fundy. Hello Philza, Tubbo, Ranboo. Sorry that I’m late? Didn’t expect to see Fundy and Phil here.”

Ranboo scratched the back of his neck nervously “Yeah, we didn’t as well. It just kind of happened.”

“I get that. Either way it’s nice to see them. What is it that you were wondering about Fundy?” Y/N turned back to the Fox Hybrid at the last part.

He had a mischievous smile on his face which didn’t seem to only worry Y/N but the other residents in the room as well “You have not been the only one visiting Michael from time to time, so we have to settle one thing. Who is the better aunt or uncle.”

“Just ask him then.” Philza threw in, sounding somehow tired of Fundy already.

This seemed to pull Michaels attention back towards the adults. Ignoring his new toy for now but still holding on to it.

Y/N didn’t want to show it but a satisfied smile appeared on their face. They had it on good authority what Michael would probably go for.

Fundy knelt down on the ground, so Y/N followed suit.

“Hey little guy. Uncle Fundy has been wondering who you like more. The super cool fox dude? Or the boring Y/N?”

Normally Y/N would have said something against it but instead they just rolled their eyes and made sure to put on a soft smile for Michael. No words were needed.

When Michael looked at bit unsure on what to do Tubbo let out a weary sigh, probably tired of Fundy’s hijinks “Go ahead Michael. Don’t worry no one will get mad it is just a question.”

“You- You don’t need to answer if you don’t want to.” Ranboo tried to further calm Michael’s worry down but before he even properly ended the sentence the kid was already on the move.

Without even hesitating he ran into Y/N arms. Y/N put their arms softly around him and ruffled through his hair “Yeah! Suck it Fundy! I’m the better one! Hah!”

“Y/N!” both Tubbo and Ranboo exclaimed angrily at the same time but Y/N just continued to snicker as Fundy got back up and begun sulking in a corner. Philza was of course busy laughing.

There was no way that Fundy even stood a chance against Y/N from the very beginning.

“This was unfair! They clearly bribed him! Look at all the toys he got from them!” Fundy exclaimed angrily.

“All is fair in love or war, Fundy.” Philza reminded him between him laughing.

[ourmondobongo]

Some insights about Hanji Zoë's marvelous brain and her mysterious backstory! (Parte 1/2)

Disclaimer: Hello! It's all in my opinion, analysis, and guesses, so - apart from the actual canon references used - this is about personal perspectives and speculation! And this is a bit long, too, but know that it's just because I love Hanji Zoë!

So...!

This next June 9th, we will be getting a new AOT Characters book, which means great news for AOT fans!

For those who don't know what this is, a Character Book, like its name says, is an official compilation of both known and new info/data about the characters of the story. There is a personal analysis of each character, and we are given details about how or why they were written, their stats, their importance or role in the manga's plot, and etcetera.

Also, these books include extra material explaining what happened at some moments of the story, the chronology/ timeline of important events, a few interviews with the author, discussions about the plot of the story and the world-building, details about the technology used there, and other cool stuff!

In other words, these books are indeed encyclopedias about the manga world with the author's additional POV and explanations. You can buy the English version of the oldest AOT Guidebooks and the Characters Encyclopedia (C.E.) online at Amazon, Google Play Books, or just search up the words!

Thus, I really hope we will receive some substantial info about our dear former Commander Hanji Zoë in the upcoming C.E! And I do hope we will receive at least 04 pages talking about her - just like Yams did with Erwin and Levi in the last ENG-translated book...

But while I was rereading the Character Encyclopedia, some of the Smartpass AUs, and searching up Hanji's name origin (you can read the little analysis here), I came up with my guess to what might have been part of Hanji's backstory. I also wanted to set my brains on fire while analyzing a few more things about Hans, because I love her lmao!

I'm also mostly using Hanji as her name here, and she/her pronouns because, as Yams said, Hanji's gender is up to individual interpretation. So I will stick to the way she inspired me for the past 08 years.

That said, let's start seeing into some of the possible origins of our brilliant titan scientist, SC Squad Leader, SC Section Commander, and SC Commander Hanji Zoë!

Let's dig into this!

Childhood, youth, upbringing, and environmental stimulus were major key points in the AOT world

Well, as we have seen plenty of times during the manga, the family origins have a massive influence on the construction of the characters. Either by the heavy weight of their bloodline, the way they were raised, or both, we see that each persona carries deep traits that were rooted in their childhood ties.

So I think there are hints and hunches that Hanji came from a non-noble/rich family, and together with her brain (intelligence) and the way her character was built, this somehow makes me believe her family might há been involved with the Factory City or manufacturing/craftsmanship.

Let's look at other characters' past first, though, to set up some bases for this little theory.

For example, Armin Arlert grew up within Wall Maria, in Shiganshina District - one of the cities used as bait to concentrate the titans to not attack aimlessly all along the Walls (here).

He seemed to have a great relationship with his parents and grandpa, and he received from them the forbidden book about the outside world - which leads him to be one of the biggest inspirational characters when we talk about going outside the Walls. His parents were murdered after they created a hot balloon to fly beyond the Walls (here) while his grandfather, who was a field worker, died in the fake recovery operation of Wall Maria (here). It was at this moment that Armin really got displeased at the government too!

This seems to indicate that, despite the low upbringing, having access to a stimulating thinker environment both brought by the "hidden" work of his parents and the literary knowledge of outside combined with Armin's intelligence made our young blonde to be called the embodiment of the saying "knowledge is power" (here). His stats for judgment and wits are 10/10.

When we talk about the brains in AOT world, we need to talk about our brilliant SC Commander Erwin Smith too! And his stats are big show of his brainpower in the manga: for wits, initiative and ruthless his numbers go up to 10/10. And he is praised a lot for his "big picture" grasp, and everything else we already know this brilliant, fantastic man is capable of doing!! In the page that follows his description, his grade is given as "∞" aka "infinite" (from Eren's perspective).

Looking into his childhood, we see Erwin had a higher upbringing than Armin and he lived within Wall Rose (that we might see as a form of "middle class" for their society in his case, I believe). His father was a very intelligent professor who had the brains, guts, and courage to investigate, doubt, and theorize about the history books the government fed them as the "true history of humanity". Erwin was a very smart and intelligent kid, too, and it's said his father treated him as a pupil. So one can obviously see how the match between his family creation and the intellectual environment he grew up built his character as a whole.

Another character with outstanding intellect in AOT was Zeke Yeager! His stats for smartness are 11/10, which makes him one of the few people to surpass the standard stats of their abilities chart, along with Levi (11/10 in combat) and Hanji (11/10 in intelligence).

Since Season 04 has just barely ended, there is no need to dig too deep into Zeke's past, so I'll try to do a real quick resume too.

Zeke grew up in an internment zone being taught from three powerful or influential branches of knowledge:

the Restorationist group and his parents, as meant to become the future Savior of Eldia;

his grandparents and the training corps of Marley's Warriors, as meant to become another son of demons who should fight and die for the sake of Marley;

and the most important of all, Mr. Xsavier - the man who taught Zeke all he could about Titan science, the Founder's powers, and that opened Zeke's mind to the need to keep proximity with the Scientific Groups of Marley to find a way out to save their people. And Zeke indeed did the latter (he mentions them many times, and also he is the one who knows the most about the Ackerman biology and powers). (Here)

Thus, seeing the backgrounds of these TOP heads of AOT, it's quite hard to not think that Hanji's past would somehow present similar circumstances of childhood creation and education. This because, in the AOT world, childhood and parental upbringing have the biggest impact on the way the characters grew up, and how they functioned or played their roles later came from the influence of their new living conditions and friends (environmental context).

Besides the ones I've mentioned above, we also have some other examples in:

Paradis:

Mikasa (who actually wanted to live a peaceful life in the interior rather than fighting, but she did it for Eren); we have Levi (Kuchel, Kenny, and his hard life in the underground shaped everything from his clean habits to the hard wording of his feelings); Sasha (the relationship with her father, their village and traditional hunting habits); Connie (simple, but fighting the feeling of being "scorned" by his village);

Marley:

Eren Kruger (the silent Owl, marked by the assassination of his family); Reiner (his increasing issues rooted in his mother and father' actions sucked shit especially during the Warrior training); Gabi (the toxic influences of her family and friends, and the early enrollment at the Warrior program); Annie (the ruthless training she underwent with her adopted father until we discovered he just wanted her to come back alive for him);

And the list can keep going on and on, really, but let's put a little period here.

Between different family traditions, bloodline, race, and social environments, one common point between all of them is that none of them came from a really wealthy background. In fact, the only person we know with blood and childhood ties close to an upper-class life was Historia Reiss. And we know how dirty, cruel, and bloody her past was.

So it seems highly likely that Hans hadn't a childhood inserted in a noble/super-rich context indeed. Especially when we remember that the nobles of Paradis knew about the true memories of the past. These people worked closely with the Reiss family - they absolutely kept their shady schemes in their tight silence agreement and had their personal assassins to take care of any "deviation".

In a world so controlled in terms of education, common sense, popular beliefs, the power of the Monarchy, and the government, it seems it would be odd for Yams's writing to create Hans in such risky background and never even care to mention it.

It would actually be a REALLY big thing if Hanji's family were somehow part of such a rich group because the risks of raising a child with a free mentality in such context would probably be having them end up like Erwin and Armin's families. Which, on the other hand, would probably become one of the main reasons Hans entered the SC too. But turns out neither she nor Yams ever mentioned that, and both Hanji (chapter 20) and the Guidebook state that she first entered the SC to avenge fallen comrades!

2. Some other hints that Hans might have come from an "average/normal/middle class" background

Further pieces of evidence for both her non-rich upbringing and an actual possible commoner social status of Hans we find in these Smartpass AUs (official AOT extra content written as side stories):

a) In "My first time around, Vol. 10" (here), we see it's Hans's first time around with luxury goods:

At first, she is very impressed by the luxury of the possible sponsor of SC she is visiting; (her reaction reminds me of "Pride and Prejudice" when Lizzie sees Mr. Darcy's house lmao)

Her surprise is quickly replaced by anger and distaste, though, as she notices the rich merchants are only interested in helping the SC to recover the land outside the Walls to exploit them and enrich their own pockets regardless of the poverty of the townspeople and the sacrifice of SC soldiers;

at that, Hanji mentally states like "my comrades are not dying to fatten pigs like you";

There Moblit says he has no taste for luxurious things, to what Hans herself agrees;

but she learns how to make use of people's greed over these luxury goods and how to manipulate the games of interest involved in the negotiations to bait and get more financial benefits from the rich sponsors;

(This is humanity's smartest for you lmao 💜)

b) In "Good Night, Dear and Sweet Dreams, Vol. 02 - Levi", Levi and Hanji talk about how she could have lived the rich life of an MP (here);

Levi brings up the topic that she could be living better since she made the Top 10 at the Training Corps final exam;

Right away, Hanji laughs it off - as if that idea is an absurdity because she doesn't feel fit to all the pompous life that is offered nor wishes for the conformity it brings;

She sees Erwin as one who would do well in such a case, though; he is kinda like the one to have "the looks for the social circle".

Observing this all, I particularly take that Hanji really hadn't access to wealth stuff and upper social circles until she begins working as SC Squad Leader. Besides, Levi knows her with the back of his hand as she knows him, he would know from where she came from. Moreover, even the budget for her glasses and goggles came from the money the SC got from the negotiations with the rich merchants and patrons!

However, it doesn't seem Hanji came from a poor or uneducated situation either.

Her body language, personality, natural communicative skills, overall senses around other people just don't vibe like Levi's or Sasha's, for example. In Levi's Signature smartpass (here) - where we learn that coming from the Underground, Levi had to train to improve his writing after being named Captain-, we also see that Hans had the best calligraphy out of our beloved Top SC members. This is a rather simple way to show Hans had a good education, even though we learn that her handwriting had later downgraded to nearly unreadable because of her intensive research work LOL

Then, I don't feel like it would be a reach to think that Hanji's upbringing stats were kinda "well enough" or "middle class", close to Erwin's stats.

But this still doesn't feel "grounded" - or it sounds rather simplistic for my own Hanji Stan liking - and I love theorizing! So now that things will get really interesting to wonder about Zoë's backstory because we will dive into the analysis of possible circumstances that led to the development of Hanji's outstanding brain!

3. Hanji Zoë's brilliant mind under the light of some theories of brain development

Up until the release of AOT Guidebook Inside & Outside (2014), our dear Hanji/Hange/Hans Zoë is presented as the most intelligent character of AOT - as in she was THE ONE AND ONLY character to have "Intelligence" written and measured in their personal ability chart!

(Note: read the phrase above carefully, because I'm not saying there aren't more cunning, smarter, manipulative, and contextually more intelligent characters than Hanji in AOT - I'm talking only based on the official chart we were given! For example, Zackly and Pixis* (revised*) are the only characters that had stats 11/11 out of ALL their 05 abilities, but none of them was named as "intelligence".)

So, as I've mentioned before (and you can see it below too), Hanji's stats for Intelligence were 11/10! But it's not only that - she also has 10/10 on both wits and initiative (same as Erwin), and a bonus for the 08/10 for teamwork (what is nice to point out since we know not everyone would go and work easily with our "eccentric" scientist!).

Now, I think it's really important to highlight again that our Hanji was the only character to have intelligence listed in the ability analysis because even Armin and Erwin (and also many other characters in this Guidebook) were analyzed by their wits rather than intelligence!

Since I don't believe much in coincidences - and knowing Yams made Hans also thinking in the "traces of a mad scientist" (as mentioned in the image above) - I did some searches about the difference between these two terms: wits and intelligence.

At first, it happens that these words often appeared as synonyms. But some different concepts state the following:

Intelligence (noun) – The ability to learn and understand or to deal with problems.

Wits (noun) – The basic human power of intelligent thought and perception. Usage example: he used his wits to get ahead (here)

To help a little more with the differentiation, other studies say:

Intelligence has been defined in many ways: the capacity for logic, understanding, self-awareness, learning, emotional knowledge, reasoning, planning, creativity, critical thinking, and problem-solving. More generally, it can be described as the ability to perceive or infer information and to retain it as knowledge to be applied towards adaptive behaviors within an environment or context.

Wits: sanity.

Well, I'm no specialist in these studies, but in a very simplistic resume (and with the other things I've read), it looks like intelligence is something about your brain's capacity of acquiring and understanding knowledge, and putting what was learned into practice by resolving issues. While wits seem to be something primarily basic and inherent of humans, as a natural trait of the species.

When we bring this to the context of the development of the human brain, it gives me the impression that intelligence is more about the dedicated effort of brain use to make its power and knowledge expand and manifest in a big range of issues, while wits are about some kind of natural growing awareness or perception of the world around you, and how you respond to it.

But both of them have implications that clearly lead to the increase of their capabilities - our sanity, our reasoning, our perceptions, our view of the world and our surroundings, and (nevertheless) our personality don't just appear out of nowhere. They begin to be built during the most important stages of human brain development - the childhood - and later take force during the youth.

Thus, when we connect this building of a person with the development of their intelligence, we can find even more interesting interlinks (highlights on me):

“It is possible that due to their biological predispositions, some individuals develop brain networks that favor intelligent behaviors or more challenging cognitive tasks. However, it is equally as likely that the frequent use of the brain for cognitively challenging tasks may positively influence the development of brain networks.” - Ulrike Basten

Intelligence differences are based on both genetic factors and environmental influences. Actual brain development is a combination of potential and the ability to reach that potential. Human intelligence depends on what a person is capable of achieving and what they do achieve. (Here)

In the other words, human intelligence is likely affected by both the inherited genes (or bloodline) and the mental (or cognitive) stimulus one person is submitted throughout life - with the chances being that the more you are cognitively challenged, it's highly likely that your brain will further develop.

This makes total sense, and in fact we can see the huge impact of the educational methods or patterns of teaching and learning in childhood as we read about the background of some of humanity's most intelligent people (known for having the highest IQ).

In another quick research about this topic, I particularly noticed two things:

1) There is this group of genius people who seemed to have really combined the potential naturally received through genetic factors with the environmental opportunities they encountered or sought throughout their life;

i.e. 1) Einstein (1879) was born into a family of engineers, and he explored many learning opportunities along with his life career, especially because it seems he didn't like the "mechanical teaching". He changed from a problematic "late at talking" kid >>> to a seemingly "average student" >>> to receive "a dozen calls to be a professor" >>> to become "one of the most intelligent people who ever walked on Earth".

His revolutionary Math and Physical studies and theories changed the course of our world! What might have not happened if there wasn't this combination between genetics, the environment he grew up within, and his own dedication to the active academic engagement he kept during his entire life; (here)

2) There are rare but impressive stories of few individuals who were trained by psychiatrist parents or submitted by them to other academic professionals since they were mere toddlers in order to undergo learning experiences abnormally intense. All so they would purposefully develop more intelligent brains!

i.e. 2) Kim Ung Yong (1963) and William Sidis (1898) have/had IQ above 200/260-300 (here).

Kim showed abnormal intelligence genetic traits in a couple of months of being born, and then went through extensive studies at famous Universities and at NASA (while being only 8 years old!);

William underwent the experimental methods of learning that his psychiatrist father developed specifically for him - and it seems both his parents did pioneering work with "abnormal psychology". This latter refers to the psychopathology field, and its many spectrums - and the main base of this "abnormal" investigation was set in that Religion had demonized and supernaturalized many mental illnesses, and kinda "ostracized" people with these illnesses by deeming them possessed by demons and etcetera.

In Kim and William's cases, when they became adults, both of them withdrew from the path of abhorrent consumption of their brains they were forced upon since childhood. They firmly advocated against these types of abuses, and it is said William even was against the idea of reproducing (which totally reminded me of Zeke as soon as I read! But let's keep the focus on Zoë!).

Einstein, on the other hand, lived a "normal" life until he became an academic celebrity. Later, when his Jewish roots spoke louder, he engaged in the defense of his people as well as world peace and was even invited to be Israel's president.

It is not wrong to say then that, up until a certain degree, your family genes and your growing up environment really matters. I said "certain degree" because, of course, there is the issue of every person having their own unique personality.

4. Now, you ask me where am I trying to go with all this

Well, I can't dismiss the feeling that Isayama would go for a logical "cause-and-effect" background for Hans rather than an "odd ball" who has incredibly 11/10 in intelligence because "the plot needed". Considering how the AOT world was kinda "realistically" built in what concerns the human part of it, for Yams to do something like this would be kind of out of character.

Also, I can't shake the thought that Yams (in at least a minimal level) created Hans thinking about the past of some famous scientists (real or even in fiction) because he just loves to emphasize in all types of canon materials how Hans can be - and is seen - as a "mad scientist", "eccentric researcher", "crazy squad leader". Like, Yams love narratives built on people's past or background stories. Even the names of Hanji's titans meant something: Sawney Bean, Albert, and Chikatilo were all serial killers!

Hanji's character is not of a villain, though, so I can see her as a possible product of the healthiest path toward intelligence development. Which would mean she probably had during her childhood both the genetic traits and the opportunities that involved participating in activities that made grand and constant use of the brain. Like Einstein, his family of engineers, their profound love for Math and Physics, and their energy factory.

At this, I have two main speculations for Hanji's backstory. One plain normal, where Hans just lives life with her lively personality. And another, where she was actually quite active participating in the daily life of work of her family.

For the second hypothesis, I imagine that Hans's parents or relatives (or even their closest friends) were somehow involved with studying and working with natural life/ technology/ inventions/ creations/ craftsmanship. Having early and constant access to books, to study discussions, and to offices or work rooms filled with raw materials that later would be used to create practical objects (like mechanical clocks, portable devices, guns, steel crossbows, animal trapping, idk...) certainly could count as a way for Hanji to have "the frequent use of the brain for cognitively challenging tasks may positively influence the development of brain networks.”

Complementary, an environment like this would allow that since early in her childhood/youth, Hanji's curiosity, intelligence, creativity, and observational skills would be gradually and naturally sown (or stimulated) in her personality until it came to full bloom after she joined the Survey Corps and kicked that titan. Interacting with different people in an environment of manual work could also allow Hans to see different viewpoints of a single issue being approached and worked on.

For example, if her family worked making animal traps to sell for farmers, hunters or, idk, city pest control, they would have to analyze the habits of the animals, create patterns, then discuss ways to improve the capture, writing and sketching, and trying and failing until it worked the way they want. If you are interested enough to watch this as a young learner, I bet it would be a nice time to have the brain wandering wildly through the realm of imagination and infinite possibilities!

Hanji's crafting skills and attention to the technological developments in the Island is also something that, much like her character, hint a possible old connection with inventions, creations and familiarity with the routines and journeys of manufacturing work. For a real, proper learning experience, theory must be put in practice to cement the knowledge into the brain.

And talking about inventions and technology, something that many of you must have already theorized about too is these pages below from AOT chapter 55, "Pain". Here, we have Sannes indirectly confessing to Hanji and Levi that he and the government killed Erwin's father, Armin's parents, and Historia's mother. The only one who had no direct correlation with any AOT characters was the man who was killed for crafting this "special gun".

Yet (but also "of course"), it's the technology part that Hans singles out. She also confirmed one theory she already speculated - the government was preventing the advancement of techno in the Island.

Chapter 55

There is no strong or particularly emotional reaction on Hanji's part at that, though, which suggests there was no real tragedy related to her past with these circumstances. Which then hints she may have not particularly experienced a "traumatic" event related to the loss of a family member because of illegal acts trying to find the truth, or for tragically losing some sort of mentor, like Xsaver.

I think this is something we could say is kinda "remarkable" considering the most part of our "main" characters had in their background. But at the same time, I think this would fit Hans's lack of explanation for her backstory too, as there was no "hard lesson" to be taught out it like Isayama did with all others.

This reminds me of Annie, Hitch, and Marlowe's talk in chapter 31, where Marlo engages in a heated discussion about how he will do anything it takes to clean the Military Brigade, and be righteous to the general people.

Annie asks if something awful happened to him or his family for his thoughts and strong will be like that, and Marlo says no. Then he adds, "But is common knowledge there is evil everywhere, right?!", and "They will learn that a man without a reason is no different from an animal who defecates wherever it pleases...". So some hearts indeed were attracted to military services with wholehearted intentions of making things better for the sake of people without some huge trauma as the primary fuel.

That isn't exactly something brand new - just a bit unusual as the majority of people we were showed first wanted to join any of the 03 military forces to either 1) Get a comfortable life for themselves and/or their family; 2) Prove a point about themselves to other people, mostly related to their personal worth.

But of course, there were the ones who signed up for the "Tatakae" life seeking real change. And they were ready to go for the "Shinzou wo sasageyo" without bat an eye!

These ideas I will use as another possible connection to Hanji's normal/kinda nice/educational background as we take a look into her personality and how it reflects on her trajectory in the Survey Corps in the analysis Part 02 I'll probably post by the end of the week.

~ For those who read everything, thank you!

[emblemxeno]

JP vs. Localization in Fire Emblem Fates: Revelation

(Okay, for real this time lol)

Again, here’s a link to my sources post.

Fortunately, this route follows suit in terms of good localization quality after Conquest. It’s the shortest out of all the posts, since I don’t really have a lot to talk about. Mostly subtle line changes, references and a few key points of information that were cut out. I also went through Hidden Truths and Heirs of Fate to see if I could add stuff from those on here, but there were no big problems that I found.

Once again, the main part of this post will all be put under the cut. If a chapter isn’t covered, it means I didn’t think there were any differences worth talking about.

I’ll use localized names for characters and locations, unless I feel the need to do otherwise.

I’ll be using she/her when referring to Corrin in this post. (I flipped a coin to decide the gender lol)

Also, note that after Chapter 14, the translation of this route on Fateswartable ends, so I mostly relied on the English patch done by Serenes at that point forward. (I also used PegasusKnight.com as a reference to fall back on if I needed it)

Chapter 7

-A minor gripe I have with localization. The JP version compares Touma (Valla) to hell constantly. To jump ahead a bit, I believe in the JP versions of the End of All Sky/Land/Below tracks are even called The End of All Roads Heaven/Earth/Hell. The Vallites are also often called demons in the JP version, and Anankos himself is known as the ‘Invisible Demon Dragon’.

Another cool thing I just thought of too, is a connection to a popular Japanese short story. Zelda fans might be familiar with the story, “The Spider’s Thread”, which inspired the Ancient Cistern dungeon in Skyward Sword.

The beginning of the story has Buddha walking through paradise (heaven), before coming across a pond. The pond is filled with crystal clear water, and covered with water lilies/lotuses. As Buddha gazes further into the pond, he begins to see the depths of hell.

Sound familiar? “Azura is walking through Hoshido, before coming across a lake. The lake is filled with crystal clear water, and when she gazes into the lake she sees the fallen kingdom of her birth. Valla, the kingdom associated with water lilies/lotuses in the game, has been turned into hell itself.”

This association loses its meaning a bit when the comparisons to hell are a bit toned down, as well as when the Buddhist inspirations were kind of supplanted in favor of Greek renames. It’s not supremely important to the plot as a whole, but it’s something interesting I wanted to bring up.

-In the JP version, while explaining what happened in Valla, Azura eventually says “Using the art of manipulating people’s souls, he (Hydra/Anankos) made the people kill each other.” This bit of the people killing each other was cut in localization.

Chapter 12

-In the JP version, when Corrin asks Flora if she knows anything about dragons, Flora says “Sorry, I don’t know…The ancestral dragon of the Ice Clan has already perished and isn’t part of the legend. I don’t know what role it plays, sorry…” Localization makes her response “I'm sorry, but I can't think of anything... They've been gone so long that we don't even have tales of dragons in the Ice Tribe. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more assistance...”

So, the JP version explicitly says the Ice Dragon is dead (I believe Fates’ second artbook mentioned this as well), whereas the localization only says the First Dragons have been gone for a long time.

Chapter 16

-There’s not really much of a problem that I have with what Ryoma says about Corrin “having leadership qualities at a young age” but I wanted to do comparisons regardless cuz the word choice might lead one to different conclusions. In localization, Ryoma says this:

Ryoma: Huh... So she told us the same thing... I don't think it's in Corrin's nature to lie. And there's a leadership quality about her that just attracts followers. I remember being jealous of her as a child, in fact. Even at such a young age, she displayed the characteristics of a ruler. Silly to be jealous of her, right?

In the JP version, Ryoma says this:

Ryoma: Oh... So, she told you the same thing. …Corrin isn’t one to tell lies. She’s been like that since childhood. She’s always genuine and honest... She has this mysterious appeal that draws people to her. Seeing my younger sister with the qualities of being a ruler... Honestly, it makes me feel envious. …What a ridiculous thing to say, right?

Again, I don’t necessarily have a problem with how it was localized, but some might. The localization version might have people think that Corrin somehow was a fantastic leader at such a young age, but JP is more clear that it was about the qualities she had at a young age that would be valuable as a leader.

Chapter 19

-A minor gripe. In the localization, Azura says that Anankos uses his magic to send Vallites to Nohr and Hoshido to stir up conflict. In the JP version, she says he uses magic, along with the help of a body of water. That’s why whenever you fight Vallites outside of Valla proper, there’s a body of water nearby; Hoshido’s lake (and the ponds shown in Hinoka’s CQ battle which are in the capital) for Chapter 5, the sea for BR chapter 11, the burning falls for BR chapter 21, and the city for Rev chapter 13. Similarly, the consequences of being a victim to the curse are described as “turning into sea foam” in the JP version. Localization as a whole kind of toned down how much water has an influence on the story.

Chapter 23

-Probably the pettiest gripe I have lol. As Arete is fading away from Azura’s arms, Azura has a different reaction in localization and Japanese. In localization, Azura says “Mother? Mother!” while a voice clip of her in-battle pain cries plays. In the JP, she says  “*Sob... Sob*…! Mother... Mother...!”, while a voice clip of her crying plays. Her crying voice clip I don’t recall hearing anywhere else.

This is one of the few times in the you get to see Azura express a heavy and heartfelt emotion, since her rough childhood caused her to remain guarded and stoic around everyone. The equivalents to this scene in other routes is her death scene in Birthright, and her crying with Corrin over Ryoma’s death in Conquest; a normally unflinching and aloof character breaking down is a rarity, and indicates that the cause of it is something to take note of for the character as a whole. Localization softened this aspect, and I take issue with it, despite it probably seeming trivial to most other people.

Chapter 24

-When Corrin is questioning the phantom Mikoto, an exchange happens. In localization, part of it goes like this:

Corrin: But this can't be... Are you truly my mother?

Mikoto: I am. Even as a puppet of Anankos, my spirit at least remains my own.

Corrin: I... I believe you.

In the JP version, it goes like this:

Corrin: It can’t be... …Are you really my mother?

Mikoto: Yes... I became an Invisible servant, controlled by the Invisible King... Even so, I am your mother.

Corrin:  …………

Again, a minor thing that I don’t personally have issue with, but replacing Corrin’s silence with an admittance of belief could make some believe she has “reverted” back to being too naïve.

Chapter 26

-While Gunter is relaying his past, an exchange happens. In localization, it goes like this:

Gunter: I ask myself that, every day. I cannot understand the minds of royals. To you all, we commoners are little more than pawns in your schemes... Or weeds to be killed on a whim.

Corrin: That's not true...

Xander: Is that how people view the royalty?

Ryoma: Such an impression would easily breed powerful resentment...

In the JP version, Corrin, Xander and Ryoma don’t say anything. They just remain silent.

Endgame

-Not a major problem so much as a general thing about the game, but I can think of like... at least three memes that Treehouse inserted into the localization. Now I like memes, but there is no better way to date your media nowadays. One of them was Kana’s “That’s dragon for I love you” which tbh, is kind of cute and isn’t the most well known meme so I guess I can let it slide. Another is Felicia saying “I had one job!” when she messes up in the dining hall, which isn’t that big of a deal since the dining hall is very optional.

The last one I can think of is why I put this specific grievance here, and it’s during Corrin’s speech before facing Anankos.

Corrin: We won't back down! This is my... This is our destiny! Ready your weapons! Fight for your friends! With the Seal of Flames... With the Fire Emblem on our side! We fight for our world!!

Yeah, she says “Fight for your friends” which is everyone’s favorite Ike line from Brawl. Now, this isn’t even a totally inaccurate translation either, but it kind of just... makes the moment funny for the player when it’s supposed to be commanding and serious I guess.

But yeah, not the most important issue by far, but something I’d thought to mention. Hell, it’s not even that bad compared to how they made Peri’s, Effie’s and Hisame’s quirks into exaggerated and tired jokes. And the Beruka-Saizo support. Never forget.

-When Azura and Corrin are by the lake and discuss the latter’s plans to rule, Corrin says this in localization:

Corrin: I'm going to make Valla a wonderful place! In honor of the true last king and for Queen Arete. And everyone who fought... I promise to make them all proud.

In the JP version, she says this:

Corrin: I’ll make the Invisible Kingdom (Valla) into a great land. For the previous monarch, Queen Shenmei (Arete)… And for all of my allies who fought beside me. I promise.

So, JP version only mentions Arete as the reigning monarch of Valla. Which makes sense, cuz unless there was some wild “keeping the bloodline pure” shenanigans in Valla, Arete being the Queen keeps in line with what we know about the rest of Valla’s history. Arete was royalty from birth, as was her sister Mikoto. Arete is the one who passed down Lost in Thoughts and the pendant to Azura.  

[oumakokichi]

hello! could you talk a bit more about the original (as in jp, not localization) ouma's personality and speech patterns? you've mentioned that he tends to trail off or speak more softly when it is implied he is speaking the truth, etc. and how he is not so loud/intentionally obnoxious. //btw when does he call himself a fairy? that's so cute

I got a couple of questions asking about the fairy line Ouma has, so I don’t mind sort of rolling them both into one! And I’m more than happy to talk a little more in-depth about Ouma’s speech patterns and personality in the original game, too!

Since I’ll be covering some late-game spoilers, I’ll put the bulk of this under the cut, so be careful when reading!

First off, I cannot stress how much I recommed playing ndrv3 with the Japanese voices enabled. If you’ve already played through the English dub but never experiened the original voice acting cast, I promise you won’t be disappointed. The Japanese cast are all fantastic, incredibly talented VAs who, unlike the dub, were hired specifically for these roles and not just re-casted from previous DR games.

Hiro Shimono as Ouma gives an absolutely incredible performance. The localization might still have many flaws in its translation and omission of certain lines or punctuation, but you can still very much get a feel for how Ouma’s character was intended by listening to Shimono’s performance. Re-playing the game with the Japanese voices will definitely let you hear how soft and tonally different Shimono’s performance is in places from the English dub, and compare it to the way in which many lines are written and punctuated as if Ouma’s yelling at everyone.

That isn’t to say that Shimono’s Ouma is never loud or excited: Ouma is a character whose moods and façades are all over the place, and therefore his performance requires a voice actor who can similarly change moods and intonation on a dime. Ouma is very much loud and haughty and deliberately annoying when he’s supposed to be, but his voice is also low and ominous at other points when he’s trying to be scary. And again, it’s soft and hesitant in places where he’s considering divulging some of his information, or when he’s insisting that all the things he does are for everyone’s sake, because he cares about them and doesn’t want anyone to die.

These moments feel so much more genuine in the Japanese version of the game--because they’re meant to be. As fantastic of a liar as Ouma is, it’s much easier for us, the player, to tell when he’s lying on a re-play, knowing the information from chapters 5 and 6 that we do, and looking at cues like his sprites (often his blank-faced ones) and, yes, his delivery of certain lines.

This probably sounds like me just gushing about what a fantastic voice actor Hiro Shimono is, and in part that’s exactly what it is, but I want to stress that pretty much every single voice actor in the Japanese cast is just as fantastic and that they all do their jobs incredibly well. With all that gushing out of the way, I’ll move on to talking about some of Ouma’s actual speech tics and the way he refers to other characters.

Like most things about him, Ouma’s speech patterns are sort of an interesting mix and even seem a little contradictory at times. He uses the very masculine pronoun “ore” (オレ), but he also refers to nearly everyone (with only a handful of exceptions) by their surnames and the much more childish honorific “-chan” (i.e. “Saihara-chan,” “Akamatsu-chan,” “Amami-chan,” etc.)

The use of “-chan” is very interesting. Honorifics in Japan are extremely complicated and tend to mean different things depending on who is using them. Typically, “-chan” is seen as a very feminine way to refer to someone else, commonly used in close-knit friend groups among school girls.

There are, of course, a few notable exceptions to this however: often times, middle-aged or elderly people will call a child “-chan” regardless of gender, as a way of showing they find them cute and endearing. And sometimes, people will use “-chan” to refer to other things they find cute, such as pets, or even to refer to themselves in a sort of informal, tongue-in-cheek way.

The fact that Ouma uses “-chan” as an honorific to refer to nearly everyone in the game stands out quite a lot: by and large, boys don’t use this term to refer to other boys. Using “-chan” to refer to anyone you’ve just met or don’t know very well is already somewhat frowned upon, but a boy using it to refer to other boys is especially rare. This helps set Ouma’s character up as someone who is both incredibly casual and informal with others (not to mention, you know, quite coded). Considering childishness and lightheartedness are traits Ouma values, and how much emphasis is put on him having “a very innocent, childish streak that’s hard to hate,” it makes sense then that he would talk like this.

Not counting Monokuma and the Monokubs, the only characters who Ouma doesn’t refer to with “-chan” are Gonta and Kiibo, who he simply calls by name. This also says some interesting things about his character.

Gonta is easily the character who Ouma interacts with the most often, as well as the charater he hurts the most in the end. Ouma’s choice to exclude Gonta from his usual way of calling people is, I think, a testament to how much Gonta really wanted to be friends with him, even if their friendship was never exactly on equal footing.

Meanwhile with Kiibo, I feel the choice to exclude him from his usual way of addressing others is indicative of how much Ouma tried to remind himself that Kiibo “wasn’t human,” and therefore how suspicious he found his presence in the killing game. We know Ouma suspected Kiibo and likely even had an inkling of his role as the audience proxy/camera in the game, due to how Kiibo’s picture is one of the only others set aside on his whiteboard besides Saihara’s, with the word “weird” written next to it (he also clearly guessed about the cameras after Gonta’s line in chapter 2, as we see from how he commissioned Miu for the bug-vac).

Ouma clearly enjoys teasing Kiibo a lot, and their banter reads very much like a manzai comedy duo; I feel like Ouma often tried pushing himself to remember that Kiibo “wasn’t human” on purpose in order to not get too attached to him or too distracted from his goal of ending the killing game. I don’t think Ouma’s decision to exclude Kiibo from the way that he very particularly referred to most of the rest of the group was just an accident or a coincidence.

Honorifics aside, Ouma also refers to several characters in interesting ways. He often uses “daisuki na ___-chan” (大好きな) to refer to some of the other characters, a phrase which more or less equates to “my beloved.” He uses this phrase with Saihara more than any other character of the game, but there are a few other instances where he does use it with Amami, Momota, and (if I’m remembering correctly) Kaede. Pretty much every single instance where the localization put, “because I love you” or “because you’re my favorite” whenever Ouma was talking to Saihara was usually a point where he would specifically call him “my beloved Saihara-chan.”

In chapter 4 during the scene where Ouma is alone in the parlor of the VR world, he also specifically, exclusively refers to Saihara as “suki ni natta hito” (好きになった人), literally: “the person I fell in love with.” This line was changed in the localization to, “when there’s a person I like,” which is more or less literally correct--however, the phrase “suki ni natta” is much heavier and more loaded with explicitly romantic implications than “suki” would be on its own, as it’s often used in Japanese love songs and shoujo manga love confessions.

Worth noting in my opinion is the fact that this is the exact same phrasing Maki uses to describe her romantic feelings for Momota. Since Maki’s feelings for Momota are considered canonically confirmed because of this, Ouma’s feelings should be considered equally canon, but a lot of people don’t know this because, well, it’s sort of been lost in translation.

And now, on to the fairy line! Ouma calls himself a fairy in chapter 3, when he pops up in the middle of Saihara and Korekiyo’s discussion of the katana in Korekiyo’s lab. Full of enthusiasm, he decides to touch the sword and examine it for himself; Korekiyo starts to object, but Ouma interrupts and says:

“Come on, it’s not a big deal! I’m like a fairy, so it’ll be fine!”

I’ve always really loved this line and thought it was super adorable, both as a nod to how fairies aren’t supposed to be able to touch steel in most fae mythos, as well as the fact that fairies tend to also have a love for mischief and pranks and lies. The localization apparently didn’t like it so much though, because this line is simply changed to, “Come on, would I lie to you?” instead.

One final thing I can think of as far as Ouma’s speech tics go is that his laugh in Japanese is romanized as “nishishi” instead of “neeheehee,” as this is closer to the Japanese onomatopoeia for the sound horses make--but I actually don’t mind this localization change at all! “Neeheehee” definitely looks a lot closer to the word “neigh” and helps capture that horse joke in a way that I feel like western players can more easily understand.

All in all, while I still definitely feel people can like and enjoy Ouma’s character from playing the localization alone, I still stand by my opinion that listening to the original Japanese voices helps give a much better picture of how the character was intended to come across, and really shows how much depth Hiro Shimono put into his performance. He’s quoted in the official ndrv3 artbook as saying that he believes Ouma is someone who’s actually “really meek if you take away his strong wish to outwit everyone” (credit to @kaibutsushidousha for the art book translation), and I think this interpretation of Ouma really shows through in so many of his lines.

Thank you both for the really fun questions! I hope I could provide some more interesting information about Ouma and the translation!

[bao3bei4]

girlbosses, male wives, and other lesbian genders

a post about jing wei qing shang. but also mostly about another unrelated movie. spoiler-free.

for a lot of people, mulan 1998 is their definitive “ohhh i’m a chinese woman dressing as a man for contrived reasons and i get absolutely nooo erotic pleasure from this” movie. 

however, because i am very special and unique, for me it’s the love eterne 1963. it’s the shaw brothers adaptation of butterfly lovers, the classic chinese folktale. here’s how i’d summarize the movie: 

zhu yingtai, an aspiring scholar, convinces her parents to let her dress as a man to attend school. on the way there, she meets liang shanbo, another prospective student, and they become sworn brothers. they study together for three years, growing closer, until zhu yingtai returns home. liang shangbo accompanies her for the eighteen-li journey home while she hints she’s a woman, but he remains oblivious. by the time he learns her gender, her parents have engaged her to another man. he dies of grief, and while she mourns at his grave, it splits open, and she buries herself inside with him. two scraps of her torn outfit turn into butterflies and fly away.

it’s worth noting here that like. this movie is made in the huangmei opera style. so both zhu yingtai and liang shanbo are played by women (betty loh ti and ivy ling po respectively). because of this, basically every level of the film is preoccupied with gender: if we take zhu yingtai’s male performance as credible (as the characters in the movie do) the leads bond through male homoeroticism; the text is ultimately about a heterosexual romance; it is acted out by two women, in a performance that is difficult to mistake as heterosexual or even feminine; and the dialogue of the movie can’t help but remark on this.

basically it asks: what if lesbians could be gay both ways? wouldn’t that be based? 

like opera was traditionally made by single gender casts, so roles tended to be genderless, in that the gender of the actor doesn’t determine the gender of the role they play. roles are instead typed into four categories: dan (fem), sheng (masc), chou (clown), and jing (painted face). it’s a sick gender quadinary. each of these roles has further subtypes that are represented through stylized patterns of singing, makeup, costuming, movement etc.

so in butterfly lovers, betty loh ti plays a dan, and ivy ling po plays a sheng. but because of the textual cross-gender play, you end up with a woman playing a woman playing a man who falls in love with a woman playing a man.

i’m going to make a brief digression here into talking about like.. acting theory. in the european tradition, you see it evolving out of early concerns (from stanislavski, brecht) about the fourth wall, and its permeability or lack thereof. in chinese opera tradition, the fourth wall didn’t ever really exist. and mei lanfang, the legendary fanchuan performer, claimed that his success wasn’t just due to his appearance, but rather, his mastery of some nonliteral feminine subjectivity. 

If I kept my male feelings, even just a trace, it will betray my true self; then how can I compete for the audience’s affection for feminine beauty and guile?

i’m not going to argue that there’s like, an essence to being a woman because i’m not a fucking idiot. but there’s something to be said for the idea that the gendered interplay between the audience’s perception of the actor, the actor’s perception of themself, and the character they play is a massive part of the appeal of fanchuan performance.

this is echoed by david hwang’s m. butterfly, in which gallimard memorably says, “i’m a man who loved a woman created by a man. everything else—simply falls short.” btw sorry for having the type of brain disease where i constantly reference chinese crossdressing related media. you already know why i have it. 

anyway. parallel to that (but far less morally detestably), jin jiang argues “young male impersonators in yue opera embody women’s ideal men—elegant, graceful, capable, caring, gentle, and loyal.” so, trivially, 1) the eroticism embodied by fanchuan performers is distinctly different from their “straight” counterparts, and perhaps less trivially 2) it’s way better. 

back to the love eterne for a bit. one of the many reasons it’s lodged itself into my psyche is because there’s something more interesting at play than just all that. normally in opera, to compensate for any perceived residual femininity in the sheng, the dan camps it up even further. so this is how zhu yingtai first appears, this bratty femme pastiche of womanhood. yet within a couple minutes she’s dressed as a man, which she’ll stay as for the bulk of the movie. they do however make compromises with the makeup--more gently lifted eyebrows than the steep angles of the sheng opera beat, and an improbably masculine smoky eye. 

that’s right. they performed girlbossification on her. 

i don’t want to suggest that she’s straightforwardly feminine. i could write an entire other thing on her relationship to masculinity. instead i want to highlight the erotic interplay not just between the “girl” and the “boss” but also between her and her counterpart: the male wife. 

liang shanbo is ostensibly straightforwardly male, but his relationship with zhu yingtai isn’t gay in the ahaha what if i was into my bro way-- it’s a what if i was into my bro and i was his wife way.

that’s right. they performed force fem on a cis woman-man. like when zhu yingtai tells him he can’t watch over her as she recovers from an illness because “boys and girls can’t sleep together,” liang shanbo asks “are you implying that I’m a girl?”

there’s a lot of shit like this that builds up over the course of the movie. it all culminates in that final 18 mile journey. along the way, zhu yingtai compares them to a pair of mandarin ducks, one male & one female. liang shanbo sputters “i am a man inside out-- you shouldn’t--” before graciously conceding, “you may compare me to a woman.” 

this is like. a simple punchline. but it’s incredible. it’s true! liang shanbo isn’t a man inside out in that he’s a man and only a man, but rather that he’s a man seen inside first, built for desiring, by a woman & for a woman. as a perpetual object, he becomes a more believable woman than zhu yingtai. and at least in his view, it seems more likely that he could be a woman than her. but beyond that, his permissive tone reads as a kind of wanting in itself--recast, if she wants, “for you, i’ll be a woman.” 

obviously this is a classic lesbian mood. who among us has not seen “no gender only lesbian” posts. and speaking of classic lesbians, you might ask. did you just tiresomely reinvent butches and femmes but with a more annoying name? yes. no. okay. well. 

first, like butch/femme dynamics have both historical specificity and a classed character such that it’s not rlly that appropriate to impose them on the love eterne. and i guess more importantly, i wanna talk about stuff that isn’t real.

we fight all day about people who confuse performance with performativity, (i use we lightly here. for instance, i go outside every day so i don’t care about discourse) but what if we actually wanted to talk about the former for once? something specifically, whether we choose or are forced into it, that we pretend to be? 

anyway. what the hell does all that have to do with jing wei qing shang. i’m going to start by first making the argument that there’s no such thing as a naturally occurring girlboss. i think, honestly, she’s a product of capitalism (“boss” should be the tipoff here) but because both of these stories are set in ambiguously historical china, i’m going to say, instead that she’s a product of uhhh primitive accumulation.

semantics so that i can be canon compliant with marxism aside, if girlbosses are made not born, can you choose to be a girlboss? sheryl sandberg says yes. i don’t disagree, i guess, but i will say: stop glamorizing it! humans only become girlbosses when they’re greatly distressed. 

you become a girlboss when you have no other choice not to be one. when your wants are too great to be a woman, when the things you want are not things that women should want-- whether that’s something that really no one should want, like being a ceo, or whether that’s just something like loving a woman (or, as it is quite often, both) -- you have to become something else. 

another important part of being a girlboss is that other people are not. your excesses mean that not only do you lose something in the process, but your bosshood comes at the expense of others. the girlboss necessitates a girlworker, or so to speak. 

now we’re getting to jwqs. i’m assuming that you haven’t read jwqs, because most people haven’t. that was me until like four days ago. in broad strokes, the novel is about a woman, qiyan agula, who was raised as a prince, and her quest for revenge against the kingdom who slaughtered her people. of course, this involves marrying one of the princesses of that kingdom. it’s all very exciting (lesbian). 

what’s striking about jwqs is that both of them seem to fit the girlboss paradigm, in vaguely similar ways. qi yan (agula’s assumed name) seems to follow the lineage of zhu yingtai, who pretends to be a man to achieve her goals. she’s forced to give up much in the process, and also sacrifices a, uh, lot of innocent people. similarly, nangong jingnu, the princess, is inherently a girlboss because royalty sucks. but also, qi yan girlbossifies her over the course of their relationship. 

but i wouldn’t say jwqs is girlboss4girlboss. there’s something a little more complicated happening. qi yan isn’t zhu yingtai in that she’s a dan pretending to be a sheng. it seems more like that she was a sheng all along. it’s something that the women of the novel return to often: qi yan seems to be better than a man.

for instance, nangong sunu, jingnu’s older sister, reflects on this. 

Nangong Sunu had seen many foolishly loving women who sacrificed everything for the sake of their husbands, but there were rarely any men who would do the same for them. 

(...) 

Thinking it through, Nangong Sunu felt that Qi Yan was truly becoming more interesting. She intended to observe discreetly for a while, to verify if such a man truly existed in this world. (ch 221) 

and i forgot to write down the citation for this, but nangong jingnu also seems to argue that not only is qi yan prettier than a man, but she also seems to be prettier than a woman. (it’s the bit where she’s watching qi yan sleep. help me out here.)

moreover, the way qi yan relates to nangong jingnu is suggestive. jingnu brings out the elements of wanting to be a woman in her. it’s jingnu’s body that makes her wonder what she would look like if she was more feminine. it’s jingnu’s happiness that she resents, wishing that her people could have that as well. it’s her desire for jingnu that makes her a woman. 

(another important distinction i suppose--while one person can’t be both a butch and a femme, because the girlboss and the male wife are things we pretend to be until we embody them / them us -- there’s greater slippage between the two.)

anyway, the girlboss/male wife dynamic is reversed wrt who’s actually dressing as a different gender. that suggests an inversion in the implications we see from the love eterne, if we are to take the love eterne as the paradigmatic girlboss text. which i do, for no reason in particular. 

so then, is qi yan pretending to be a man? under the opera framework, we’re forced to say no. she’s not pretending to be a man any more so than liang shanbo (as acted by ivy ling po) was. but that, of course, feels incorrect, just looking at the text. is she, then, pretending to be a sheng? i’d strongly say no. the things that others see in her, they authentically see; and she does authentically feel the same things as liang shanbo wrt femininity.

so it has to be the opera framework that jwqs is subverting then. if qi yan kept some trace of her once-womanhood, if qi yan reveals her true self, and yet she still can compete for the audience’s affection-- jwqs’s inversion of the opera framework seems to argue instead that it’s that true self that allows you to compete. it’s being masc that lets you be a desirable woman; it’s being feminine that lets you be a desirable man.

there’s an increased gender ambivalence to jwqs, which make sense, i guess, seeing as it’s not meant to be a het story the way that the love eterne was. for instance, nangong jingnu crossdresses to go out in public, and qi yan remarks that jingnu’s disguise fooled her on their first meeting. when qi yan and jingnu go out in public, both disguised as men, they’re repeatedly perceived as a gay male couple. there’s freedom in that: they could be gay women only privately, they could be straight officially, but they could be anonymously gay publicly. 

so it’s through the gay male pretense that they can be gay women; it’s through the qi yan pretense that agula can love women; it’s the qi yan caring husband persona that coaxes jingnu in caring for qi yan in return-- jwqs, more precisely, argues that you can’t be a woman if you’re going to love them, and even less so if you’re going to be loved by one. 

this is perhaps well-trodden ground for anyone who has read wittig & certainly many people who haven’t. but it’s the layer of pretense that for me complicates these two narratives. 

i think it’s a relatable feeling: wanting something anticipating getting something, or wanting something for yourself anticipating knowing that you already had it. that is, desire in itself being constitutive of that reality. 

or less abstractly, knowing that you’d want to be a lesbian if you could, knowing that you’d want not to be a woman if you could-- anticipating any realization of either. 

the dramatic excesses & wants of the girlboss, i think, are a decent literary stand in for being a lesbian. 

i wanna note here that this is rlly just based on my experience being a transmisogyny exempt nonbinary diaspora lesbian lol. it’s fun & cathartic to overread this history & place myself in the accidental implications.

i don’t think most of the things i say are literally true. and i don’t want to overstep & say any of this can be generalized. please lmk if something here doesn’t read right! ok kisses bye

[tlhrfanfic]

[Late] Thus With a Kiss I Die

Title: Thus With a Kiss I Die Ship: Late (Nate/Procrastination&Logan) Warnings: Idiot Gays, Kissing, Making Out, Disaster Gays, One Brain cell shared. Cuuuute. Words: 12,444 Request: So this was a Kiss AU list request that was requested by @romantichopelessly​ for a present for getting lots of stuff done with her Botwot AU: 36. we can never be together.

Summary: Logan was just cast as Juliet in the school play. He is not thrilled. Then he finds out that his crush Nate is Romeo. He's doomed.

Read on AO3

-----------------------------------------------

Logan couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t that he couldn’t believe that a senior class in an all-boys boarding school was doing a play. No, that was statistically likely, all things considered. 

 What he couldn’t believe, however, was that the school had chosen Romeo and Juliet as the play for the senior class that year. 

 Why?

 They weren’t even changing the genders of the female characters to appear pro-gay or any of the less than moral types of things private institutions did to bring in donators. 

 “Maybe our parents just thought they’d get a kick out of some of their kids dressing up in drag and talking falsetto.” Logan snorted and glanced at his best friend. 

Virgil sighed. 

 “I’m soooo glad I got the nurse. Yes! No one cares about that old hag’s lines. Smooth sailing.”

 Logan glared. 

 Virgil cleared his throat, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, and shrugged. 

 “Yeah… tough luck you got the lead.”

 Logan laughed at that and shook his head. 

 “Thank you.”

 Virgil raised a brow. “For what?”

 “Most people have been congratulating me.”

 Virgil snorted. “Oh, yeah. Well, any time dude.”

 Logan sighed and nodded. 

 “So uh… have you talked with him yet?”

 Logan, who currently had his face in his hands, could hear the slight smirk in Virgil’s carefully phrased question. He suddenly longed to glare daggers at his friend but, due to all the excitement, was too exhausted to bother. Definitely not his excitement, but it was felt nonetheless. 

 “I don’t have any idea to whom you would be referring to Virgil.”

Logan attempted to silence the other with a look but his gamble failed.

 Virgil’s smirk widened. “Oh you don’t, do you?”

 Logan mustered up the energy to actually glare daggers his way, but there still wasn’t much fire behind it. He sighed. 

 “What am I going to do?” he asked, a slight whine to his words that he generally avoided. 

 Virgil sighed as well. “Why are you asking me?”

 Logan rolled his eyes and adjusted his glasses. 

 “One of us is actually in a romantic relationship and it is not me.”

 Virgil blushed and shrugged.

 “It’s all still very new though so I don’t know what you expect from me here, Lo.”

 “How do I get him to like me?”

 “Dude, you’ve liked that guy since we started high school. If anyone knows how to get him to like you, it’s you.”

 Logan groaned. 

 “Has Patton been having you listen to those self-growth tapes again?”

 Virgil shrugged but smiled softly and, for a moment, Logan smiled as well. He was very pleased to see his friend so happy. “They’re really not so bad.”

 “Good to know.”

 Logan sighed. 

 “Why don’t you just tell him?”

 Logan looked up at Virgil as if he’d grown an extra head. 

 “Right. Tell Nate Lassus, whom most of those students who identify as gay or bisexual and/or pan want, that I’ve had a crush on him for three years? Someone who I should not even want because truly, what do we have in common?”

 “You mean aside from the fact that you guys like each other and want to kiss each other and make out and do I need to keep going?”

 “That does not promote a healthy relationship, Virgil.”

 Virgil rolled his eyes. “Then you get to know him and I am certain there is something you guys have in common.”

 “Also, he does not like me. Don’t think I didn’t hear that.”

 “He does, and I hoped you would.” Virgil stuck out his tongue.

 Logan bit his tongue to keep from snapping at his friend. Virgil had been on this whole theory that Nate liked him as well. Which was absolutely absurd and held no merit whatsoever despite Virgil and Patton’s so-called evidence. 

 “Patton said he looked excited when you were chosen for Juliet. Even looked your way, hoping you were looking at him.”

 Logan looked up at Virgil. For a moment, there was a sliver of hope but reality sunk in. 

 “This is Nate Lassus we are talking about, Virgil. He’s just excited to get to kiss a guy on stage.”

 Virgil groaned but dropped the subject. Logan knew that wouldn’t be the last of it, however, he was happy for the break.

 »»————　♞　————««

 Nate watched as his two best friends fooled around with some of the prop swords backstage. He was currently working on some backgrounds, hammering some pre-cut wood boards that would be used as trees or perhaps castle props or any number of things. 

 He didn’t do the whole painting bit, but he could definitely manage hammering support pieces of wood to the backdrops. 

 As he worked, Nate thought back to the assembly when they were informed that a play would be put on and the parts that they would perform. When he had heard his name first, announced along with the name of the play’s male lead, his only thought had been a half-hearted wish. 

 If only Logan could be my Juliet… he’d thought and then—as if his thoughts had actually held any power at all—Logan’s name had been called and Juliet’s had followed. Nate could only glance at Logan, hoping to see what the other’s reaction had been. Unfortunately, it had looked like… well, not disgust, which was good… but definitely shock and dread. Nate had tried to tell himself that the looks were more about the role he’d been given and had nothing to do with himself.

 It felt like a lie, but it made Nate feel better all the same.

 “Take that, heathen,” Janus’s crisp voice broke through his thoughts. He glanced up from his spot on the floor as he shifted to the next set of backdrops and supports. 

 “Never, you scallywag bitch!” Remus cackled and rushed at Janus, the pair’s swords clacked with every strike.

 Where Janus actually had had fencing lessons and moved with finesse and experience, Remus struck down with pure force and nothing else. With Janus’s slight frame—at five-foot-four—it would seem that Remus’s strategy could gain him the upper hand. However, it was the smaller teen’s quick and fluid footwork that secured his victory. 

 As Nate had guessed, Remus’s wood sword was soon sailing across the room, clacking onto the tiled floor. Remus cackled, rather than growing angry, and rushed to get the wooden sword. With the more chaotic of his friends distracted, Janus turned to Nate while continuing to run through different fencing patterns.

 Sharp eyes met Nate’s, one a deep brown and the other a warm gold. He said nothing, knowing that whatever it was his friend wanted to say, he would get to it when he was ready and not a moment sooner. Still, as the moments ticked on, Nate wished he would just get on with it already. 

 “Sooo… Logan Wright is your Juliet… now why does this seem so fitting.… Oh right, because you complete morons are in love with each other. Maybe even the teachers and staff know it and this is the whole damn school’s way of saying ‘Now Kiss’.”

 Nate rolled his eyes. He tried to stay chipper and upbeat but now that it was spoken, he could no longer ignore the siren call of his crush as a topic. 

 “Jan… he didn’t even look at me… what if…”

 “Hopeless…”

 “Jan, I’m serious here.”

 “And so am I, Nate.”

 Remus returned. 

 “How do you know Logan likes him anyway, babe?”

 Janus looked at his boyfriend and shrugged. 

 “I can’t really say how… just trust me on this. My instincts are solid when it comes to people’s love lives.”

 Nate wanted to argue but, since Janus was his best friend from grade school, he already knew it was pointless. Not to mention, Janus had walked into the school freshman year, spotted Remus, and pointed him out to Nate. 

 “That guy is strange and quite possibly deranged. And I’m not sure how I know this, but we are most definitely going to date.”

 Nate had snorted and moved on. Then it had happened in Junior year, long after Janus had forgotten about the fateful statement he had made two years before. So he might have been right back then, but Nate really didn't want to have to wait two years like the other had to find out if his best friend’s prediction today would come true. 

 “You really should tell ol’ Logan how you feel, dude.” Remus shrugged, grinning that almost maniacal grin of his. Nate couldn’t help but grin back. 

 Still, his friends obviously didn’t get it. 

 If Logan had any feelings, he would have looked his way at the assembly when he’d realized it was Nate who he’d be kissing. 

 Oh, fuck. That’s right.

 Not only was it that Logan would be kissing him… 

 Nate would get to kiss Logan. 

 “And this look is Nate now realizing that not only does he get to share the lead with his crush, but he also gets to kiss said crush on stage in front of everybody.” Janus murmured with a side glance at his boyfriend. Remus snickered. 

 Nate threw them the double bird and kicked them out. 

 Getting back to work, Nate put all thoughts of crushes and kisses out of his mind.

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan almost didn’t make it to the meeting with Mr. Thomas Sanders, the drama teacher who was putting the show on, and Nate. He was just going to continue on with his normal routine and that would be that. They would realize he just wasn’t going to do it and they would get someone else. 

 Then he realized that part of him wanted to go. Was it curiosity? Or was it the siren call of having a valid reason to spend more time with Nate?

 Logan blinked as he looked around, finding himself already headed in the direction of the theater. 

 It took a lot less time than he hoped to reach the two large oak doors, opening one of them and slipping inside. He was not surprised to see Mr. Sanders’s bright, welcoming smile. He was also not surprised to see that Nate was not there. 

 Nate had a habit of running late… all the time. 

 Something that would annoy him in anyone else, but with Nate, it somehow just worked.

 “Logan! Thank you for being here,” Mr. Sanders said, still smiling brightly. “Nate should be here soon.”

 Logan nodded, ignoring the heat rising up the back of his neck. 

 He jumped a moment later as the oak door opened once more, his head jerking in that direction.

 In walked Nate, looking just as attractive as he always did. It was because he was having what Roman, Patton’s friend, would call a ‘swoon moment’ that Logan didn’t notice it at first, but Nate’s gaze was on him from the moment he walked in the door. 

 Pretending that his blush was not currently seeping into his cheeks, Logan cleared his throat and turned in Nate’s direction. Standing up straight, Logan nodded at the other in greeting. While they weren’t friends, they had shared a number of classes and projects and school trips over the years. They’d talked but only in a capacity regarding those things. 

 None of which were personal or intimate. 

 Logan withheld a sigh, then remembered he should say something. 

 “Salutations, Nathan.”

 “Hey yourself, Logan. Hey, Mr. S.”

 Nate joined them and Mr. Sanders led them to the front row of seats. He had three padded fold out chairs, one in front of the other two. Logan took one of them and Nate took the other. Ignoring how close he was to Nate at that very moment, Logan focused instead on Mr. Sanders. 

 The drama teacher took the chair in front of them and beamed at them both. 

 “Thank you both for coming. I just wanted to take a moment and congratulate you both on getting the roles, even if you may not have wanted them.”

 Mr. Sanders who smiled apologetically. 

 “I had suggested we hold auditions and I was overruled.”

 Logan shrugged, a habit he had picked up from Virgil. 

 “It can’t be helped now and it’s not for any major event. I mean, I may suffer from making an absolute mockery of myself but… I have my own reasons for doing it, I suppose.”

 “Oh really? Do tell,” Nate pressed, flashing an easy grin.

 Logan flushed. He couldn’t believe he had just said what he’d said. He had felt surprisingly calm in the moment though he supposed that was just the effect Mr. Sanders had on people.

 Effective for an instructor teaching performing arts. 

 “It’s just… I’m a team player. We all have to do this. I cannot be selfish. I’d also… well, I’d kind of like to challenge myself too, I suppose.”

 And it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Nate was playing Romeo and Logan would get to kiss him. 

 Logan’s heart rate increased and his eyes fell to Nate’s mouth before quickly looking away.

 “Huh. Well… that’s epic. Good for you, dude.”

 Logan nodded. 

 “Nate’s right. That is very epic!” Mr. Sanders agreed. 

 He clapped his hands.

 “Alright, I know I don’t have to tell you two that Romeo and Juliet are the two most important characters in the play. Obviously, without them, the play would not exist. But, I want you guys to forget about that.”

 Logan’s confusion must have shown on his face because Mr. Sanders elaborated. “You are to think of them as people. Think of them as your friends. Or better yet, yourselves. I want you to get into their minds and think about why they do the things they do in the way they do them.”

 He stood up, pacing back and forth as he explained, glancing at them every so often. He then returned to them, taking the chair once more.

 “By doing that, you open them up in an intimate way that allows you to become them. Does all of that make sense?”

 He looked at Logan first before glancing at Nate. 

 Logan considered the words. He wasn’t an actor. That was Roman. 

 Which reminded him to make a mental note to speak with Roman after this. Unfortunately, while that would help future him, it did not help him now. 

 “I suppose… it’s… well, if we don’t feel what they are feeling…” Logan was grasping at straws. He was hands down the worst choice for the character of Juliet he had ever seen. 

 Nate leaned toward Logan. It was subtle but Logan, constantly aware of his surroundings, noticed. Strangely, it was comforting. 

 “Let me take a stab.”

 “Go ahead, Nate.” Mr. Sanders said with a grin, pleased with the other’s enthusiasm.

 “It’s because we can’t just learn the lines and do what the movements and motions say. Anyone can do that, but in order to sell what we are doing, we have to understand the character’s struggles to better perform them on the stage. By becoming the characters, we help the audience experience what they were feeling and thinking.”

 “Very good Nate! Exactly.”

 Logan glanced at Nate and smiled his appreciation. Nate shrugged.

 And winked.

 Logan blushed and turned his attention back to Mr. Sanders who was rising to head to his bag. He pulled out what appeared to be papers and two boxes and headed back to them. Handing each boy a stapled document, he continued to talk. 

 “These are your scripts. Feel free to highlight, take notes, change directions, and—although anything you change must be approved by me—I am always open to and strongly urge suggestions.” He then handed them each a box of two highlighters. “Rehearsals will start tomorrow after school. They will run for an hour and a half during weekdays for the next four weeks. The three weeks after that will be two and a half hour practices and the week after that is show week.”

 He glanced at them both. 

 “Any questions?”

 Logan, afraid to speak, shook his head. He held his script and highlighters close, ready to bolt at the first opportunity. Nate must have agreed in some fashion because Mr. Sanders continued on. 

 “One last suggestion. You are expected to run your lines outside of rehearsals. It’s the only way to memorize the lines. However, you are not expected to run lines together. I do want to strongly urge that you do. Find a nice quiet place to run the scenes you guys have together. You both already seem pretty comfortable around each other. That will help! Especially when it comes to practicing the kiss.” 

 He glanced at Logan. “You do not have to practice the kiss but you will want to. Trust me. It’s not easy to kiss strangers on stage.” He shuddered and Logan had to wonder at his experience with such things. Perhaps it was better not to ask. 

 He ignored his flaming cheeks and cleared his throat. 

 “Thank you for all the suggestions and insight, Mr. Sanders, but if that is all, I really must go.”

 “Yes, of course. You are both good to go and I look forward to seeing you at rehearsals.”

 Logan took off and didn’t look back. 

  »»————　♞　————««

 Nate wasn’t sure how he managed it, but he was able to keep his disappointment and irritation off his face until he thanked Mr. Sanders and left. 

 So… that was it then. 

 Logan didn’t like him and was actually disgusted by the idea of not only kissing him but practicing kissing him too. 

 He sighed as he ignored the urge to hit the wall. Even if it would help him let out his frustration, he’d have a broken hand and that would just do no one any good. 

 Deciding to put the feelings into doing something useful, Nate made his way to the door that led backstage and headed in. Making his way past the dressing rooms and costume closets, Nate reached the main backstage floor, where he found Janus. 

 His friend was busy working, sketching backgrounds onto the backdrops that had already been assembled. Janus didn’t even bother looking up. 

 “Nice of you to join me, Nate.”

 Nate had no idea how he always knew it was him without looking, but at this point, he couldn’t be bothered to ask. Janus would likely take it to his grave anyway. 

 “Hey, dude.” Nate sighed.

 Janus immediately looked up from what he was doing, his eyes narrowing. 

 “What happened?” 

 Nate blinked, a shiver at the dangerous look in those two toned eyes running down his back. Not for the first time, he was extremely happy that Janus was his friend rather than an enemy. 

 “Nothing… exactly?”

 “Darling, it’s my job to be vague and interesting. Yours is to be strong and mmm… a little himbo-esque. Now, I’m going to ask you again. What happened?”

 Nate sighed and explained what had happened in the meeting and Logan’s sudden rush out the doors at the end. Janus kept the same unreadable expression on his face throughout the story and when Nate finished, he sighed. 

 Nate frowned. 

 “What?”

 “Nate… darling… I don’t mean to sound harsh when I say this… who the hell am I kidding, yes I do. Especially since I know you can take it. Think about what you just told me and then think about who it is you’re talking about…”

 “Logan�� yeah, so what?”

 Janus tutted. 

 “Okay… I see I am going to have to spell this out for you, hon. In the years that we have attended this school with Logan, have you ever seen him date? Ever see him hold hands with anyone?” He watched Nate closely. Nate, not sure where this was going, just listened. “Ever see him hug anyone… well, I suppose he gets hugs from Patton but that definitely doesn’t count. Everyone gets hugs from Patton. But anyway… ever see him in any scenario like those I mentioned?”

 Nate didn’t really need to think about it. He had liked Logan for so long, it was as if his presence was a magnet for Nate’s gaze. 

 “No… but I don’t really see how…”

 “So gorgeous… so sweet… but so, so dumb.”

 Nate might have felt offended but the other said the insult with such fondness it almost felt like the other compliments he’d offered. 

 “Janus, just get to the point.”

 “Very well. Of course Logan ran out of there at the thought of practicing kissing you… he’s never been kissed, Nate.”

 Oh.

 Oh.

 “Oh.”

 Janus smirked and stood up, coming to stand in front of him. Nate looked down at him and sighed. 

 “I… never even considered… huh… okay… so I should definitely go find him then?”

 “Oh, most definitely.”

 Janus winked. Nate grinned at the other and nodded at the sketch. 

 “Nice trees, by the way. I think that’s what they are—”

 “Fuck you,” Janus said but grinned. 

 “You wish.”

 “Don’t I just.” 

 Nate chuckled and pointed at the hall that led to the exit with his thumb. 

 “I’ve got a cute nerd to find. Catch you later.”

 “Oh, have you learned how to catch things now?”

 Nate, who totally could not catch anything thrown his way, gasped. 

 “Low blow, my friend.”

 “It’s how you know I care. Now, go find Logan. Also, maybe consider telling him how you feel… just a thought. No pressure.”

 “Yeah… we’ll see. Later.”

 “Go get him, darling.”

 Nate snorted but headed out for the dorms.

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan reached the dorm room that he shared with Virgil and quickly buried himself in the thing that made him feel safest: homework. 

 He was so lost in his homework that he almost didn’t hear the knock on the door. It wasn’t odd to have someone knock on his door, so Logan didn’t give it much thought. It was likely Patton looking for Virgil or something. Patton often forgot that his cell phone would be a much more efficient solution to finding his boyfriend. 

 Then again, also knowing Patton pretty well by now, it was just as likely he was checking up on Logan. That boy did wear his heart on his sleeve and would want to help if he perceived someone was upset in any way. 

 Therefore, when he went to open his door, it was with great surprise, and uncalled for embarrassment, he found Nate on the other side. 

 “So… hey.”

 “... Hi.”

 Logan did not miss how Nate glanced into his dorm before looking at him once more. 

 “I was wondering if you… uh… if you had a moment.”

 Logan shifted slightly but nodded. When he said nothing, Nate continued. 

 “Do you think we can maybe take this inside?”

 “You wish to be invited into my dorm room?”

 Nate chuckled softly. Logan frowned. It almost sounded fond but that made no sense. Logan was barely a blip on Nate’s radar. There was no reason for him to be fond of anything that had to do with Logan. 

 Deciding it was obviously projections of his own feelings—why did he have them again?—Logan pushed any thoughts and inquiries on fondness from his mind. 

 “Yeah, if that’s alright with you.”

 Logan considered before nodding, opening the door and stepping away to let Nate pass. He closed the door behind him, trying to ignore the twisting of his insides from having his crush in his room. 

 Not sure what to do with himself, Logan returned to his desk and leaned against it, watching Nate and ignoring the heat rising up the back of his neck. 

 “Alright… we’re inside. What did you wish to speak to me about?”

 Nate, who had been checking out the room, seemed to focus on Logan’s side. 

 Interesting. 

 He grinned at Logan now and crossed from the book shelf he had been perusing to stand in front of him. 

 “Yeah, so… I just wanted to talk about the play…”

 Logan sighed. 

 “Obviously. There is no other reason that could have brought you here. I know we don’t talk too much and we aren’t friends so there would be no reason to hang out, but surely, after years of school with me, you would know that I am pretty observant.”

 Nate chuckled that same fond laugh again. The sound had heat slipping into Logan’s cheeks and he cleared his throat. 

 “What about the play, Nathan?”

 Nate sighed. “Janus told me you’ve uh… you’ve never been kissed…”

 Oh.

 Right, the kiss in the play.

 Even though this was obviously about kissing each other in the play, Logan couldn’t get past the fact that he would have to kiss Nate. If it had been anyone else, he was certain he could manage. But with Nate… 

 What if he was horrible? What if Nate told everyone?

 No… Nathan Lasses could be a dick but to most people, he was kind and fair and nice. Besides, in Logan’s humble opinion, Remy—Nate’s twin—was much worse. 

 Nate wouldn’t tell anyone. Knowing Nate, he’d offer to help him practice and—

 Suddenly it clicked. He knew exactly why Nate was there. 

 “Ah. You wish to practice the kiss,” he said simply. 

 Nate’s eyes widened in surprise for a brief moment before the look was replaced with something else. Something softer. 

 Do not even think of that word, Logan, or so help me.

 “Correct, as always, scholar.”

 Logan blinked. Huh, a nickname. 

 As far as Logan had been informed by Patton, nicknames were things people gave to other people they really liked and wanted to be friends with. 

 Logan held back a sigh. 

 Friendship… well, I suppose if that’s what he wants from me… it would be selfish of me to refuse.

 Ignoring the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he forced a smile. 

 “That… that would be okay with me…” Logan said. 

 This was not how he wanted his first kiss—especially not with Nate—but as there was no hope for more, it would be pointless to hold out on the impossibility that there ever would be.

 Besides, it was better this way. He was far too busy for silly things like holding hands, little whispers spoken between kisses, flirting, cuddling. He wasn’t big on those things anyway. Even if he would have liked to try… with Nate.

 “Wait, really? I honestly thought I was going to have to like talk you into it or something.”

 Logan shook his head and held up a hand.

 “Not at all. Janus, though I’d love to know who his source was, is correct. I’ve never kissed or been kissed. This is an adequate solution. Completely logical.”

 Nate frowned and Logan hesitated. 

 “What’s wrong?”

 Nate had a look on his face that was hard for Logan to read. It was reserved but there was something else too. Before Logan could figure out what it could be, Nate was suddenly grinning and clapping. It was as if nothing had happened but there was still a weird charge in the air. 

 Or maybe Logan was reading too much into the situation. 

 “Nothing’s wrong, dude. Let’s get started.”

 Logan’s eyes widened at that. 

 “Now?”

 He was pained to admit to himself that he might have squeaked the word, but if any one else asked, he would take it to his grave. 

 Nate snickered. 

 “Aww, getting shy? Cute.”

 Logan blushed at that and, regretfully, flailed his embarrassment. 

 “I’m not cute!”

 “I mean, of course you don’t find yourself attractive, scholar, but you never know. Some people might.”

 “Oh, yes, and someday Patton will stop hanging out with cats even though he’s pretty severely allergic.”

 “Haha, yeah right.”

 “Exactly.”

 It seemed to hit Nate what Logan had meant and suddenly the taller teen was closing the remaining distance between them.

 “I’m serious, Logan.” He looked it too. His dark brown eyes locked with Logan’s and he smiled the same smile from earlier. The one that Logan was positive he was projecting because it made zero sense for Nate to smile at him like that unless…

 No Logan. You already ran the probability of a guy like him liking a guy like you. He doesn’t like you in the same way you like him.

 “Hey, Logan…” Nate said, voice lower. Softer.

 Logan looked up, unsure of when he looked away. His grey eyes met brown once more and suddenly the atmosphere changed. 

 He could no longer hear the world outside his dorm room and time felt slower. He wasn’t sure what was happening and he wasn’t sure he liked it. Clearing his throat, he swallowed. 

 “Yes, Nathan…” he whispered. 

 Why was he whispering?

 “Can I kiss you?”

 Logan swallowed again but nodded. 

 Nate smiled and Logan was shocked again to find it seemed kind of… disappointed. Sad, even. Then Nate was closing his eyes and Logan, completely out of his element, did the same. 

 The first contact was soft… almost as if it hadn’t been there at all. Logan found himself leaning into it and his lips found Nate’s. He gasped and pulled away, bringing a hand to his mouth. 

 “Very good, for your first kiss,” Nate said, grinning teasingly. Logan blushed. 

 “Shut up.”

 “No, no. None of that. I’m serious. You did good.”

 “Right.” 

 Logan had no reason to believe him, of course, but it was nice to hear. Then again, unlike Logan, Nate had kissed many people. Maybe he knew what he was talking about. He cleared his throat.

 “Should we… keep practicing?”

 Nate seemed surprised by the question but laughed and nodded. 

 “We absolutely should keep practicing. Definitely should. One hundred percent.”

 Logan rolled his eyes but snorted. 

 “Very well. Kiss me again.”

 Nate smirked. 

 “Yes, sir.”

 With that, he placed his hands on Logan’s hips and tugged him against his body, leaning down to kiss him deeply on the mouth.

  »»————　♞　————««

 Nate couldn’t help the pleased sound that escaped him as he kissed Logan deeply. His eyes were closed, brows furrowed, lips moving against Logan’s. 

 Never in all his wildest dreams had he ever thought he would get the chance to kiss Logan. Now that he had, however, he felt as if the universe was laughing in his face. 

 Like, yeah you get to kiss him but you ain’t never gonna have him. Not how you so desperately desire.

 Fuck the universe. 

 If he couldn’t find the words to tell Logan…

 If he couldn’t trust himself to say the right things…

 Well, he’d just have to tell him through his kisses. 

 He could do that.

 Logan’s arms wrapped around him and Nate took that as all the permission he needed to hold Logan closer. He moved one hand to the small of Logan’s back as his other hand came up to frame the intelligent teen’s face. 

 Nate was the one who had to pull away, inhaling sharply as he tried to catch his breath and chuckling as Logan chased after his retreating mouth. 

 “So…” Nate asked, the word low and still a little breathless. “How was that?”

 Logan just blinked up at Nate. “H-huh, what, I’m sorry?”

 Nate laughed deeply at that and, before he could talk himself out of it, he quickly leaned down to kiss the other’s forehead. 

 “Cute…” he said, voice low and fond. 

 Logan blushed but said nothing. Silence fell between them, neither knowing what to say or what to do. Logan seemed to want to say something—maybe ask something—but it was clear to Nate that he was nervous. Nate wished he could think of just the right thing to say that would reassure the other that he wasn’t ever going to judge him. 

 If he only knew how much I care…

 Then maybe you should tell him. That voice sounded far more like Janus’s than it did Nate’s.

 Yeah right.

 Nate smiled down at Logan and was about to ask him if it would be okay if they practiced again tomorrow but in the next moment Logan was pressing closer and kissing him. Having absolutely no problem with this change in plans, Nate wrapped both arms tight around Logan, embracing him completely as he kissed back hungrily. 

 It was Logan’s turn to make pleased sorts of sounds, the other teen obviously getting lost in the feelings and sensations. That was all well and good, of course, but the sounds did things to Nate and if he allowed those sounds to keep doing those things to him, well… 

 He wouldn’t need words to tell Logan how he felt because Logan would be able to feel it.

 Pulling away quickly, Nate worked hard to catch his breath. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat. 

 “Okay! So, I think this is a great place to stop. We can totally practice some more tomorrow, if you’re okay with that—”

 “Yes.” Logan said it so quickly he seemed to surprise even himself. 

 Nate’s brows rose as Logan cleared his throat and spoke up again, more reserved. 

 “I mean, that would be agreeable.”

 Nate smirked at that.

 “Great. Same time after classes? Back here?”

 Logan nodded but then stopped. 

 “Yes… but can we go to your room? I just… if Virgil’s here I’m not going to be able to… you know… it’ll be too embarrassing.”

 “You do realize that we are going to be kissing in front of a whole lot more than just one student, right?”

 Logan nodded, pulling off his glasses. He pulled out a little handkerchief, wiping gently at the lenses. 

 “Of course… but that’s a little different. We’ll be on stage and the audience will mostly be in shadow. Not to mention, the audience will be one collective group. I won’t know where my friends are sitting—well, most of them will be in the play but that is beside the point—and so I won’t see them. If it were just Virgil there though… it just seems too…”

 “Intimate,” Nate asked, hopeful. 

 Logan considered the word and finally nodded.

 “Yes, exactly. Too intimate.”

 “Well, I mean I have a roommate too, so I’m not sure I can promise Janus won’t be there.”

 That was a bold face lie. He could and would make sure Janus would not be there. 

 He grinned. “But if that’s cool with you, then I am more than happy to sacrifice my room for our kissing practices.”

 Logan blushed but smiled gently, nodding. 

 “Thank you.”

 Nate nodded. 

 He glanced at the door and then back at Logan. 

 “So… I have to be honest… kissing you is kinda fun…”

 That’s the understatement of the century.

 Still, he didn’t want to come on too strong and scare the other. The blush this pulled from Logan also made the light confession so very worth it.

 “Mind if I take one for the road?”

 Logan’s eyes brightened and Nate watched as the other’s eyes darted to Nate’s mouth and back while licking his lips. He nodded slowly. 

 “I would not be opposed.”

 “Good.”

 Nate moved in close once more, hands on Logan’s hips as he guided him in closer. His brown eyes met gray and he grinned warmly. 

 “Cute,” he said as the other blushed a little deeper.

 Before Logan could argue his point, Nate closed his eyes and kissed Logan hard. Logan gasped into the kiss, perhaps surprised by the sudden intensity. Nate took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Logan’s mouth, exploring it and caressing Logan’s tongue with his own. 

 Logan let out an almost whimpering sound and Nate groaned in response. It was Logan who ended the kiss this time and Nate couldn’t deny that he had definitely chased after his mouth. Logan was panting and pulled out of Nate’s hold, the taller teen letting him. 

 “Wow…” Logan breathed, bringing his fingers to press at kiss swollen lips. 

 “Yeah,” Nate agreed, catching his own breath. Silence fell between them again but it was almost comfortable this time. Nate grinned. 

 “Well, I guess I’ll see you in class and kissing practice after.”

 Logan nodded. When it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything else, Nate moved close once more and kissed the top of his head. 

 “See you tomorrow, scholar.”

 “See you tomorrow, Nathan.”

 Nate had the walk back to his own dorm to consider everything that had just happened. He couldn’t believe how well Logan had taken to kissing him. Then again, Nate had it so bad even if Logan couldn’t kiss, he’d still enjoy it… but there was also the fact that Logan was intelligent and smart and capable and it was no surprise at all that he had picked up kissing just as well as any other subject or skill. 

 But Logan had enjoyed it… and had wanted to keep doing it. 

 Just like that, hope returned in Nate’s heart. 

 Maybe, just maybe, his hopeless crush on Logan Wright wasn’t so hopeless after all. 

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan continued to press his fingers against his lips throughout the night. He did it so much that it almost became something of a fixation. He would remember the feeling of Nate’s lips pressed against his own and brush against his own lips, still sore from all the kissing. 

 He would then smile and sigh as his insides fluttered until he reminded himself that the kissing was just Nate being a good friend and one would assume a good actor. Logan was pretty certain that Roman went on often about something he called ‘method acting’. 

 His and Nate’s kissing was simply that. 

 Logan longed for so much more. 

 Still, Nate had obviously enjoyed kissing him so maybe this kissing practice would prove to be a good thing. 

 Logan brought his hand up to his lips once more, smiling softly as he brushed against them idly. 

 It was at that moment the door opened and Virgil shuffled in, tossing his bag by the little couch in the middle of the room. He collapsed onto it, only then glancing Logan’s way. 

 Logan, still lost in the memory of kissing Nate, had registered Virgil’s arrival but said nothing, still sliding his fingers gently across his lips. 

 “Hello~ Earth to Logan? Dude, what’s going on with you?”

 Logan blinked and looked at Virgil.

 “Oh, hey there, Virgil. Did you hang out with Patton?”

 Virgil nodded before shaking his head. 

 “Nope. We’re talking about you… you’re acting very… uh… Roman-y and Patton-y today.”

 Logan blushed because what that meant was that he was being very feelings-y. Logan usually was not a very feelings-y person. His best friend knew this well. 

 There were, however, some things he was not yet aware of. 

 “I kissed Nate today!” Logan said. Then he added, as an afterthought, “a lot.”

 Virgil’s eyes widened almost comically. 

 “You did what? When?”

 “While you were out…”

 “So, what? Did he ask you out? Are you two dating? Do I have to give him the best friend talk where I threaten his life if he hurts you?”

 Logan’s brows rose and he stared at Virgil waiting for him to end his tirade. He didn’t respond until Virgil grinned sheepishly and gestured in a go-right-ahead sort of manner. 

 “Okay, first… you have the wrong impression but, considering I blurted out that I kissed him with no other context, that’s not your fault. He sought me out here and I realized that he was offering to practice with me and well… I accepted.”

 “So…” Virgil bit his lip. “Look, I know when we’re younger and they tell you your first kiss is a big deal and all and it’s best with someone you really like and that likes you too but… it’s not like it is on tv.”

 Logan shrugged and smiled at Virgil. He knew it wasn’t a fully happy smile, but honestly, Virgil was a good friend. He tried his very best to help Logan any time he needed to feel better. 

 “So… even though you have to kiss him in the play when doesn’t like you—which, I’m still positive he does, that’s not the point here—how was it?”

 Logan laughed as he watched Virgil shift to the edge of the couch, leaning forward in Logan’s direction, obviously invested in whatever it was Logan would say next. 

 The intelligent teen blushed but smiled slowly, biting his lip. 

 “It was so much better than I could ever imagine.”

 Virgil chuckled at that and nodded. 

 “Yeah. Yeah, I feel that. Remember when we were younger and we were grossed out by even the thought.”

 Logan nodded. In fact, until that first kiss, Logan had still very much thought that. But now… 

 “I want to kiss him again.”

 Virgil laughed again. 

 “Damn, L.” 

 Logan blushed. “Shut up.”

 Virgil snorted. “Nope. Never. Besides, it's my job to keep you on your toes.”

 Logan shook his head. Idly, he brought his hand up to brush at his lips again. 

 “I’m a little worried though… it’s obvious that you like kissing him so much because of your feelings for him, L.”

 Logan nodded. He too had come to the conclusion. 

 “Okay… maybe don’t have so many practices?”

 Logan considered and nodded. 

 “Yeah… yeah, maybe.”

 Virgil seemed happy to have helped and went off to shuffle in his backpack for his homework. Logan sighed. 

 Virgil had a point. A very valid and logical point. 

 Unfortunately, Logan was not sure how well he would be able to resist now that he’d had just a taste of what could never be.

 Pushing the problem out of his mind, Logan turned his attention back to the problems that were within his ability to solve. 

  »»————　♞　————««

 Nate honestly felt like he was floating as he walked through the dorms, heading for his own room. He headed inside, making his way to his bed and tossed himself onto it. As he looked up at the ceiling, he brought a hand to his mouth and slid his fingers against his lower lip. 

 A smile slowly slipped onto his face as he pulled his hand away and bit his lip. He couldn’t believe how readily Logan had agreed to ‘kiss practice’. He had even agreed to continue it. 

 Nate found himself torn. 

 As much as he had so very loved kissing the intelligent teen, he also knew that he was only setting himself up for heartbreak. The play—and so the kissing—would come to an end and things would go back to the way they had been. 

 Still, Nate didn’t see why that meant he couldn’t enjoy it while he had the chance. If it had never been for the powers-that-be choosing himself and Logan for Romeo and Juliet, he would never have gotten the chance to feel what it was like to kiss the boy he had liked for so long. 

 The door opened and Nate, a soft, warm smile on his face and insides toasty, looked up to meet Janus’s gaze. Janus, apparently noting the love-sick look on his face, sighed and tugged Remus in by their linked hands before closing the door. 

 “I take it from the revolting look on your face that you talked to Logan?” Nate noted how eager the other sounded. 

 He cleared his throat. 

 “Oh, yeah… yeah, we talked a bit…”

 Nate looked away as Janus narrowed his eyes. 

 “And…?”

 “Ah, and nothing… I just told him I completely understood he was nervous.”

 “Did you tell him how you feel, Nate?”

 Nate had the decency to look sheepish. 

 “Not… exactly…”

 Janus gave him the look that meant he should continue. 

 “But he was very responsive to my kisses.”

 Janus’s eyes widened and Nate felt a rush of pride at causing such a rare phenomenon. It was not often that one surprised Janus Trompeur. 

 “You kissed him?”

 Nate could hear the excitement in his voice. Not wanting a misunderstanding, Nate cleared his throat. 

 “Yeah… I told him it was understandable he was nervous since he’d never been kissed and he came to the conclusion that I was offering to practice with him and so he agreed and we kissed… a lot… and it was so much better than I could have ever imagined.”

 Janus crossed his arms. “Uh huh.”

 “You should have seen Logan too… I’ve… I’ve never seen him like that before… I can safely guarantee it was enjoyed by both parties. He’s also agreed to continue. We’ll have another practice tomorrow.”

 He glanced up at Janus, hoping he would see where he was going with this. 

 The other sighed and winced. 

 “Oh, Nate… you beautiful, dumb idiot… you’re going to try to kiss him in love with you, aren’t you.”

 Nate flashed a grin. 

 “I’m going to kiss him in love with me, Janus!”

 Janus sighed, bringing a hand up to palm his face before he shook his head. 

 “Oh, darling. That’s not going to work if you don’t tell him how you feel.”

 Nate sighed. 

 “Yeah, you should lick his juicy butthole as well!”

 Janus and Nate both glared at Remus, who just cackled and continued to listen. 

 “Nate…”

 Nate threw up his hands in frustration. 

 “Okay, okay! Damn it, I know, Janus. I know.”

 Janus smiled and nodded. 

 “Very good… and….”

 Nate sighed and rolled his eyes but answered dutifully, as expected. 

 “And I promise I will find some time before the play is over to tell him how I feel.”

 Janus flashed a victory smile. 

 “Good. Now, all this dabbling into your love life has made me hungry. Let’s go get dinner.”

 Nate grinned and nodded. Ignoring the return of the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Nate pulled on his coat and joined the other two for dinner.

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan wouldn’t say he had grown used to kissing Nate three days into practice, but he would definitely say he had grown comfortable with it. Unfortunately, as Monday came and classes began once more, Logan realized that today would be the first rehearsal. 

 He would have to kiss Nate… but on stage. 

 “I can’t do this, Nate,” he said, his words a little sharp from nerves. Nate just shrugged and nodded at the audience that was currently made up of the rest of their senior class. Unfortunately, that meant the seats were nearly packed and quite a lot of people would be watching. 

 Unlike their parents and faculty, the other students wouldn’t hold back if he were to make an absolute mockery of himself. 

 Suddenly, hands were on his shoulders and he could feel the tightness deep in his bones melting away as strong fingers rubbed into his muscles. 

 “Sorry… I should have asked first… I can stop, if you want me to…”

 Logan shook his head, letting out a little moan of pleasure as his eyes closed. 

 “No… this is… this is acceptable.”

 Logan sighed as he focused on Nate’s hands and the way his muscles relaxed under his touch. By the time his body was completely relaxed, Logan realized he was pressed into Nate in a very intimate way. Stepping forward, he turned to look at Nate, clearing his throat. 

 “Thank you for the massage. I appreciate it.”

 Nate smiled. 

 “Anytime.”

 Logan, noting how amazing his body felt, nodded. “Noted. I might actually take you up on that offer in the future. Now, let’s run the lines once more before we—”

 “Logan. Nate. You two are up.” Remy called, as if bored out of his mind.

 Logan stiffened but gave a sharp nod. Nate returned his hands to Logan’s shoulders as he nodded to his twin. Remy walked off and Nate turned Logan to look at him. 

 “You’ve got this, Logan. You already have all your lines memorized. Literally. Which by the way, think you can help me with that, because I totally do not…”

 Logan laughed, feeling the worry and stress melting away. 

 He turned to look at Nate and smiled. 

 “I have this theory.”

 Nate grinned. “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

 “That you’re going to do a really good job.”

 Nate’s eyes warmed and his smile went soft. Once again, Logan was projecting onto this poor teenager who had no idea what he did to Logan. 

 “Let’s go break some legs, yeah.”

 “I prefer the phrase ‘fracture a femur’ but yes, let’s.”

 Nate laughed deeply and Logan couldn’t help but grin, a little proud of himself for causing such a reaction. 

 »»————　♞　————««

 Nate, in character, made his way to his love, tears lingering on his cheeks. He swallowed hard as he took in his ‘dead’ Juliet, rushing to the ‘concrete’ dias where her body lay. Pulling Logan into his arms, he tried his hardest not to look directly at Logan’s face. He didn’t want to cause the other to crack up or break character. 

 Vowing that he would love Juliet and Juliet alone forever, Nate as Romeo took the colored-water ‘poison’ and began to choke. He shuddered and moved to lay beside his lover on the dias. He choked a few more times for good measure, causing students in the audience to laugh before he collapsed once more on the structure and closed his eyes.

 Nate did his very best to look dead. Considering that Nate was lazy by nature and often lounged around, and he was pretty certain Janus would happily tell him to his face he looked like a dead man walking, that was the easiest part of the play. 

 But what would come mere moments later… 

 Nate felt Logan shuffle on the dias, hearing him let out a yawn, signaling to the audience Juliet had woken from her drugged sleep. Unfortunately, Nate could not see what Logan was doing lest he break character but a moment later, he gasped. 

 Logan called for ‘Romeo’ but when Romeo did not rouse—though it was hard because Nate wanted nothing more than to reassure Logan how well he was doing—Juliet cried for her dead husband. 

 Nate felt a shift on the structure and then soft, gentle hands were taking hold of his face. He bit the part of his lower lip still hidden by his closed mouth to keep from grinning. He heard as Logan professed that he would kiss Romeo so that Juliet may be with him.

 Soft but firm lips pressed against his own. Nate couldn’t deny he definitely smiled into the kiss. He could also feel Logan smiling into it. 

 That was when it happened. 

 Logan cracked up laughing and Nate opened his eyes to chuckle as well. 

 “Well, hey there, Julie, baby.”

 “Oh my god, shut up.” Logan said through his laughing.

 Mr. Sanders joined them and laughed. 

 “That was really good… we’ll need to work on the laughing but otherwise… that practice was amazing, everyone! We’ll keep working on the blocking, but just keep running your lines and memorizing them. I think this is actually going to be really, really awesome!”

 Nate glanced at Logan, who was beaming at Mr. S’s praise. 

 He’s so pretty when he smiles. Janus is right. God, I have it bad.

“Yeah, just wait til half of us have to do it in dresses.”

 Nate snorted as he glanced at Janus, who was playing Rosaline. He had a point. Janus, Logan, and Virgil—not to mention a handful of other senior boys—would be wearing dresses for the show. 

 “And I have every faith that you will all rock them,” Mr. Sanders countered, which earned him a grin from Janus. 

 Janus leaned his arm on Remus’s shoulder and shrugged. 

 “I mean, you’re not wrong, Mr. S,” Janus agreed.

 “I know I’m not. Now, you all get out of here and have a great and relaxing night. Logan, that means you.”

 Nate glanced at Logan to see his crush blushing but grinning. Virgil spoke up. 

 “I’ll hold him to it, Mr. S.” 

 Thomas beamed at that. 

 “Good man, Virgil. Alright, see you all tomorrow.”

 Rehearsal ended for the night, Nate turned to Logan. 

 “So… I’m kinda hungry and I’m assuming we’re still on for kissing practice tonight?”

 Logan glanced at him and nodded. 

 “Then let me at the very least get you some dinner. It’s the least I can do after my dumb ass got exiled and you killed yourself over it.”

 “Nathan… it’s a play.”

 “You’re so right. It’s a total power play. You deserve better.”

 Logan snorted at that and hesitated before bringing up a fist to punch him lightly in the shoulder. 

 Nate feigned bodily injury, grabbing his arm. 

 “Oh. You got me. I’m dead.”

 He then pretended to die on the dias, eyes closed, tongue sticking out. 

 It wasn’t until warmth pressed against his cheek that he opened his eyes to see Logan pulling back, face flushed. It was obvious that Logan had just kissed his cheek and Nate, grinning, sat up to look at Logan. 

 Glancing around, he noticed that everyone else had left—well, mostly everyone. Virgil, Remus, Janus, and Patton were talking at the entrance to the backstage area. None of them were looking their way and so Nate, feeling confident, turned his attention back to Logan. 

 Before he could even open his mouth to ask Logan if he could kiss him, Logan claimed his mouth with his own. Nate’s eyes closed and he quickly returned the favor, a soft, happy sound escaping him. 

 Logan placed a hand on his chest as he slid closer, his other reaching up to grip at the little hairs at the back of Nate’s neck. Nate shivered but gasped, Logan quickly taking advantage of this and slipping his tongue inside. 

 Nate moaned, teasing along Logan’s tongue with his own as he kissed back desperately. 

 “Ooooooh,” Janus teased.

 Nate’s eyes opened wide as he and Logan both jumped from the kiss. He quickly glanced toward the backstage but no one was there and all sound of talking had ceased. He would have assumed that the others—seeing what he and Logan were up to—had left but he also knew Janus very well. 

 “That was…”

 “Satisfactory.”

 Nate laughed at that. “Yes, very, very, very satisfactory.”

 He held the other’s gaze and smiled. 

 “So… dinner?”

 Logan rolled his eyes. 

 “Very well. You’re paying.”

 “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan fidgeted with his keys in his pocket as he walked with Nate to the cafeteria. The nice thing about the school was that they had little restaurants in the cafeteria, a lot like they did in colleges, instead of what most public schools offered. Unfortunately, as they allowed the students to work there for a wage, Virgil would most definitely be present. 

 He sighed as he realized the long talk Virgil would want to have with him the moment he saw Logan with Nate, already feeling exhausted. 

 “What’s wrong?”

 Logan blinked up at the other. 

 “Huh? Oh, nothing,” Logan lied. It wasn’t a complete lie, per say. Logan was used to Virgil and he never minded talking with his friend. He just didn’t want to hear the ‘I told you so’ from his friend when Virgil realized he hadn’t been limiting the kissing practices as well as he could have. 

 Nate, looking doubtful, frowned. “You sure?”

 Logan laughed softly and nodded. “Yeah… just stressed out about the play but… somehow, I know it’s going to be okay.”

 Nate laughed at that. “That’s the attitude to have, scholar!” 

 Logan smiled, ignoring the slight twinge of guilt he felt at not being completely truthful. Then again, there was no way he could be truthful without informing Nate about how he felt about him, and Logan…

 He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

 Maybe it was selfish but, knowing that Nate would suddenly feel awkward and uncomfortable around him once he found out, Logan wanted to enjoy a little more time with him.

 Just the two of them.

 Just like this. 

 They reached the cafeteria and Logan followed Nate to the center of the room. Logan considered the options and was about to go order from where Virgil was working when Nate called out to him. 

 “My treat, so where we eating today?” 

 Logan nodded toward the little taco hut where Virgil stood now, watching them both. Nate, noticing Virgil for the first time, gave a start before grinning. 

 “Oh! Hey, Virgil. What’s up, dude?”

 He moved over to the little taco restaurant and offered his fist, which Virgil bumped but not before snorting and rolling his eyes first. As Logan joined them, Virgil spoke up, not taking his eyes from Logan’s gaze. 

 “Hey, losers. What brings you guys down? Logan, didn’t you say your plan was to do homework tonight?”

 He eyed Logan doggedly, which the intelligent student ignored, instead glancing at the menu though he already knew it by heart. 

 “Oh, that was my fault. After rehearsal I practically begged him to go get dinner with me because I am a sad, lonely guy.”

 Logan watched Virgil closely, surprised at the slight grin slipping onto his face at Nate’s words. 

 “You’re not bad, Lassus. Your brother though… he’s a dick and he still owes me 50 bucks. Now, what can I get you losers to eat?”

 Logan ordered what he always got: the taco plate. Nate, meanwhile, ordered a taco salad. Logan would have been slightly surprised as Nate had never pegged him as a good nutrition aficionado, but then the other asked for double meat and Logan could just sigh fondy and grin. 

 Nate tried to pay but Virgil completely ignored him. Food was placed on two trays and cups added afterward. 

 “On the house,” he said slowly, holding Nate’s gaze as if just trying to goad him into objecting. Nate seemed to realize this because he grinned and held up his hands. 

 “Okay, okay. I got the message.”

 “Finally,” Virgil mumbled but he was grinning ever so slightly. 

 Logan realized that, in his own way, Virgil was approving of Nate. Once Nate took his tray to go find a great table, Logan grinned when his best friend’s eyes met his. 

 “Thank you,” he mouthed. Virgil rolled his eyes but mouthed your welcome before waving in the direction Nate had gone. 

 “He’s not such a total waste of a human, I suppose,” Virgil said finally. “But Logan… if this is something you want… you really need to tell—”

 Logan sighed, cutting off yet another tirade. “I’m aware, V. I promise… I’ll tell him by the last performance.”

 Virgil groaned softly. “You really, really should tell him before that but… fine… look, L. You don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to but… I’m afraid that if you don’t, all of this is going to hurt you a lot more than you realize.”

 Logan wanted to disagree. Unfortunately, he was definitely not an expert on feelings and since Virgil was dating one of the two experts on feelings that they knew, he suspected Virgil likely picked up a few things. 

 “I vow to tell him before the start of our last performance at the latest.”

 “I’ll drink to that compromise… you know, if I had a drink.” He sighed wistfully but Logan knew it was all for the theatrics. Though Virgil would swear up and down that he was not dramatic, Logan—friends with three dramatic people—knew better. He could be just as dramatic as Roman when he wanted to be. 

 Logan grabbed his tray, thanked Virgil once more, and headed for the table on the far side of the large, open room. Virgil called back to him, wishing him good luck, causing Logan to smile softly. 

 Gray eyes sought out his...friend. Logan, ignoring the sudden feeling of sadness, pushed such thoughts out of his head. Sure, Nate would never be his boyfriend, but it was clear he wanted to be friends. Logan would not be the kind of person who couldn’t be friends with someone who did not want to date him. 

 Nate waved his arms wildly, chuckling when Logan’s eyes met his and he corrected his course for Nate’s table. He reached him quickly enough, snorting when Nate tugged him gently to sit next to him, rather than across from him. 

 Logan had expected Nate to talk to him then but, as he quickly learned, Nate was very much an eat-now-talk-after kind of guy. 

 Laughing softly, Logan started to dig in as well. 

 »»————　♞　————««

 Nate had eaten about half his food when he turned to Logan. 

 "I don't know about you but kissing sure does work up an appetite." His grin was flirty and eager. 

 Logan blushed and nodded. 

 "Interestingly enough, I have found that as well," Logan said. "I, too, am quite famished."

 He continued to eat as Nate became preoccupied with stuffing his face once more. 

 "Mmmm."

 Nate looked up at the sound of laughter. Logan was watching him eat, amusement in his gray gaze.

 "Adequate to your taste buds?" Logan asked with another laugh. 

 Nate looked at him and answered, a bit of food still in his mouth. 

 "Beyond adequate," he moaned. "Thank Virgil again for me later." 

 Logan laughed. 

 "Will do."

 They fell into companionable silence once more, Nate glancing at Logan every so often. Every other time he glanced, he caught Logan's gaze and both of them blushed before looking away. 

 Huh.

 Wasn't that interesting. 

 Deciding he needed more time to consider the new development, Nate cleared his throat. 

 "So… what new book are you reading? I just picked up this great Agatha Christie novel that I'm sure you've read already but it's so good."

 Logan blinked. He looked confused and even said as much. 

 "How do you know I read Agatha Christie novels?"

 Nate laughed at that. Looking fondly at Logan, he smiled. "Scholar. You've been reading those books since we all started here. I noticed them and started reading a few myself."

 Logan’s brows rose and while he didn't say anything, Nate knew exactly what that look was for. 

 "Yes. I read. Shocker, right?"

 Logan's expression took on an apologetic sort of look and Nate laughed. 

 "No no. You're fine, cutie. I'm used to people being surprised. In their defense and yours, I don't read a lot. But I can and do read."

 Logan nodded, a grin slipping onto his face as he turned to look at him better, leaning in eagerly. 

 "So which book is it that you're reading?"

 "Death on the Nile."

 Logan nodded with a grin. 

 "That one is very good but my favorite will always be—"

 "The Murder of Roger Ackroyd," Nate finished for him with a warm smile. 

 Logan blinked. He stared at Nate for a few moments, questions in those gray eyes. Nate was worried that maybe he had said too much. 

 Maybe Logan realized that Nate really liked him and now it was going to be awkward because Logan didn't feel the same. 

 And then Logan blushed and nodded. A soft smile slipped onto his face.

 "Precisely."

 Nate grinned as the slight charge between them in that moment settled. He didn't know what had happened but it hadn't sent Logan running and he considered that a win on his part. 

 They finished dinner and said their goodbyes to Virgil before heading out of the cafeteria for Nate’s dorm. 

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan was quiet on the walk to Nate’s dorm room. He knew that Nate had to be wondering at his silence but he couldn’t bring himself to speak just yet. 

 The reason for his silence...

 There had been a moment while eating with Nate that had opened his eyes to knowledge he hadn’t been aware he had lacked. 

 Logan didn’t know how he knew it but the moment Nate supplied Logan’s favorite Agatha Christie novel as fact and not a guess had been very telling and Logan was almost certain that Nate liked him. A lot. 

 Perhaps even as much as Logan liked Nate. 

 Just tell him! You know he likes you now! Tell him!

 He knew that his more logical side was right. At this point, with such a high probability of his feelings being reciprocated, the logical course of action would be to tell him. 

 And yet, Logan couldn’t. 

 He couldn’t even give a logical explanation as to why, which frustrated him more than anything. It just didn’t feel like the right time. Or the right place. 

 Logan chewed his lip. 

 He really hated relying on his feelings. 

 “Hey… half-dollar for your thoughts?”

 Logan blinked up at the other. He seemed nervous. Logan smiled at him. 

 “I’m certain the expression is ‘penny for your thoughts’.”

 Nate grinned at that, seeming to relax once more. 

 “Yeah, well. Pennies are practically worthless these days and I think more highly of the things that come out of your beautiful brain.”

 Logan blushed at that and cleared his throat. 

 “Just have a lot on my mind.”

 Nate nodded, falling silent once more. 

 Logan bit his lip before moving a little closer to the other. He tapped him with his elbow in a playful manner he’d seen Virgil do with Patton. It seemed to work because Nate grinned down at him like the sun. 

 “Hey.”

 Logan wanted to make up for the silence and since he couldn’t tell him everything… not yet...Logan said the first thing he could think of. 

 “I can’t wait for practice.”

 Then he blushed as he realized the implications of this. Nate looked at him in surprise, a slight flush to his cheeks as he slowly grinned. 

 “Uh oh…”

 Logan raised a brow. He hadn’t expected that reaction. “What?”

 “Looks like someone has an addiction to kisses.”

 Logan blushed but rolled his eyes. 

 “You are what my friend Roman would call ‘an absolute dork’.”

 Nate snorted. 

 “Roman Prince? Not surprised that’s his idea of an insult but, well, you're not wrong.”

 Logan grinned, pleased to feel the air around them grow comfortable once more. 

 “But… I concede that, perhaps, you are not wrong as well.”

 Nate grinned at him. 

 “About what?” he pressed. Logan glared at him. Nate took on a look of innocence. “I merely want to be clear about what part of what I said was not wrong.”

 Logan knew that wasn’t the case. Nate wanted to hear him say it. He decided that since he couldn’t outright tell him how he felt, the least he could do was tell him what he wanted to hear. 

 It was true, after all. 

 “I am… addicted to kisses.”

 He blushed far deeper than he expected to confess that out loud. He stopped and quickly hid his face in his hands. Nate must have glanced back and noticed he had stopped before quickly returning to him. 

 “Awww. No, no… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you… I was just teasing. Can I… can I hug you?”

 Logan nodded but did not remove his hands from his burning face. He felt as strong arms embraced him. He stayed like that, feeling safe and secure in his arms. At some point, he pulled his hands away to press his face into the other’s chest, his own arms wrapping tentatively around the taller teen’s middle. 

 “How’s that? Better, cutie?” 

 Logan nodded, trying to ignore how warm the nickname made him.

 “Do you want to postpone the practice? If you need to, then that’s totally—”

 “No!”

 Nate blinked down at the other in surprise. Logan could see that his reaction had been a bit too passionate considering Nate had no idea how he felt about him.

 “I mean, no… I very much would like to keep on schedule.” 

 Nate slowly grinned. 

 “Then what better time to start… Can I kiss you right here, Logan? Right now?”

 Logan had a feeling Nate was expecting him to laugh and playfully punch him before they continued on their course for his room. 

 That was not what happened. 

 Logan moved his arms from around him. He then threw himself at Nate, wrapping his arms around his neck, as he kissed him. Hard. 

 Nate’s eyes widened but soon fluttered closed as he tightened his hold on the slighter teen, kissing back as desperately as Logan kissed him. 

 When they finally pulled away—it was with some difficulty breathing, Logan couldn’t deny—he swallowed hard and held the other’s gaze. Nate’s gaze was curious.

 “Nate…” Logan said slowly. He saw the slight surprise on the other’s face. Logan had never called him Nate before.

 “Logan…” 

 Logan hesitated. He very much needed to tell Nate or he would always be wondering ‘what if’? As a scientific minded individual, what ifs were only useful if the question was answered. Logan needed some answers.

 “Can we… can we go somewhere quiet… your room is fine… but just somewhere with not a lot of people… please?”

 Nate, obviously confused, nodded.

 “Yeah… we’re almost to my room anyway. Come on.”

 Logan’s insides churned and tumbled as he walked at Nate’s side. He honestly had no idea what had possessed him to almost tell Nate how he felt… outside. 

 That… that definitely was not the place for such intimate talks such as that. No. One should take the person of their affections, ask to speak with them in private, and only for their ears, share what was in their heart. 

 Logan nearly made a face. 

 When had he become so sentimental?

 He glanced up at Nate and slowly, a fond smile slipped over his lips. 

 Oh, yeah. Right.

 They reached Nate’s dorm room soon after, Nate holding up a finger before walking inside, signaling Logan to wait. Logan, considering himself fairly intelligent, was sure Nate wanted to make certain Janus (and by proxy, Remus) was not around. 

 He waited as patiently as he could, rubbing his fingers against his jeans in a comforting manner. Soon enough, though it felt a lot longer to Logan, Nate returned and held the door for him. 

 “Come on in, scholar.”

 Logan did just that, almost jumping at the click of the door as Nate closed it behind them. He then led Logan into the room, making his way to the bed and taking a seat. He patted the space next to him. Logan took a deep breath, crossed the room to the bed, and took the offered seat. 

 He quickly turned to Nate just as Nate turned toward him. 

 “Logan, there’s something I need to tell you,” Nate said at the exact same time Logan said, “Nate, there’s something I wish to tell you.”

 Both of them broke out laughing, their faces flushed, gazes vulnerable. 

 Nate cleared his throat and held out his hands, palms up, to Logan. 

 “May I?” he asked, voice low. Logan nodded, placing his hands into Nate’s.

 Nate, dark eyes locked with Logan’s, bit his lip before smiling. 

 “That’s better… now… I’m sorry for jumping the gun. You… you go first.”

 Logan wanted to refuse or insist Nate go, but he decided that that wasn’t fair to Nate. He had been the one asking to talk. He should go first.

 He nodded. 

 Taking a deep breath, Logan for the first time in his life ignored his mind and spoke from his heart.

 »»————　♞　————««

 Nate squeezed Logan’s hands as the other seemed to search for the courage needed to say what he had to. 

 Nate knew what he hoped Logan wanted to say. He hoped more than anything that Logan had come to realize that he liked Nate too. But, that could just as easily not be what Logan wanted to tell him. Maybe he had noticed that Nate liked him and was being respectful, letting him down in private. 

 Maybe he just wanted to be friends. 

 Nate could live with that. It would hurt for a while, but he could deal. 

 As long as it wasn’t Logan never wanting to see him again, Nate could live with whatever it was the other was about to tell him. He sighed inwardly and instead focused on Logan. 

 Logan, who was struggling. 

 Nate squeezed his hands again. 

 “Hey,” he said and waited until Logan’s eyes met his. “Whatever it is, you won’t scare me away.” He paused. “Unless you dress up as a clown on the weekend… then I’d say my loyalty is questionable…”

 Logan laughed at that and it seemed to be the reassurance he needed. He cleared his throat and Nate leaned in subconsciously.

 “... You were correct earlier… when you said I was addicted to kisses… I am very much addicted to kisses…” 

 He glanced down at their hands and seemed to consider what to say next. Nate watched him closely, mesmerized by him. 

 “I am addicted to your kisses, Nate…”

 Nate blushed and a big grin slipped onto his face as it hit him. 

 Logan liked him. And Nate was him. Nate. Logan liked Nate. 

 “Are you saying-?!!”

 Logan laughed at that and nodded, blushing a little himself. 

 “I like you, Nate. I have for a very long time.”

 Nate whistled and shook his head. 

 “Well, that just sucks because I’ve liked you for a very long time too. Since we first met, now that I think about it. It feels like we’ve missed out on so much time.”

 Logan blinked at the remark and nodded a second later when it registered what Nate meant.

 “It does. But we’re here now… together...”

 Nate beamed and his excitement soon morphed into unbridled adoration. 

 “Be my Juliet… but alive… and forever?”

 Logan snorted. “There are so many things wrong with that question, Nate, but I like you, so I forgive you. I will be your boyfriend, though, if that would be agreeable with—”

 “Yes! So freaking agreeable! Totally agreeable!”

 Nate watched in wonder as Logan laughed, not holding back, his gray eyes full of happiness and fondness as he looked upon Nate. He couldn’t keep from surging forward and claiming Logan’s lips with his own. 

 Logan relaxed into the kiss with ease, his arms wrapping around Nate’s neck like they’d never stopped. Nate moaned into the kiss as Logan kissed back eagerly, sounds of enjoyment escaping him as well. 

 When they broke for air, Nate nuzzled into Logan’s hair with his nose before pressing a kiss to his temple. 

 “Boyfriend,” he said, overjoyed to use the title for Logan. 

 Logan rolled his eyes, blushing. “Dork.”

 Nate brought a hand to his heart as if he had been hurt. He then swooned and ‘collapsed’ upon his bed. Logan laughed and then shifted to hover over him. 

 “Let’s keep this between us… just until after the play… Virgil has been trying to get me to tell you forever and I really do not need to deal with any I told you so’s… and maybe, I also would not mind keeping you to myself for a little bit longer.”

 Nate snorted. “Oh. You can always have me to yourself. I don’t mind picking Janus up by the collar and tossing him out if need be… uh, but maybe don’t quote me on that. Still, keeping up a ruse sounds fun. I’m in.”

 Logan smiled down at him and Nate brought a hand up to frame his face, guiding him down to kiss him.

 If they got lost in the kisses and each other, neither minded in the slightest.

-----------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Thomas Sanders or Joan, nor the rest of their group. I do not own or make money off of these characters. I only own the story as it is written.

Super uber thanks to my beta reader for this fic @superweebside​ and the two that preread my stuff to make sure its up to par: @romantichopelessly & @sunshineandteddybears.

[vidalinav]

Nessian Headcanon #12: Family Edition

Since I keep seeing baby headcanons I wanted to make a list of my own :D which I’ve briefly touched on in other posts but...

Cassian and Nesta have a boatload of children (5 at the end of it all I think). The others start joking that they’re building their own army. But what really happens is that they end up taking in many children over the years because they travel often with the work they do and they see so many conditions and there’s wars and all sorts of circumstances. It’s inevitable that kids don’t have homes but they have a giant house and unending resources and the House is like a big nanny itself so they think it’s fate. 

Nesta is actually the one who brings most of the children home. The first one is a 9 year old girl, who is the angriest kid alive. Has something to do with the plot of a story I’m writing, but Nesta is basically entrusted with this kid. She’s the grand niece of someone she ends up knowing and she’s pretty magically powerful so her family would have ate her alive, so she’s asked to keep her safe and whatnot. Her name is Magda but she goes by Maggie. She does not like Cassian whatsoever in the beginning, and she is horribly rude to Nesta. But Nesta does not care at all, she’s like okay get it out, say worse. Like she’s so chill, because she knows how it feels to be that angry. Maggie and Nesta end up being really close to the point where Maggie does not like being away from Nesta and gets very protective of her even to other members of the IC. She’ll fight first and ask questions later. Cassian and her form a bond actually not by fighting at all, but because Maggie does so many experiments that end up going awry. She’s a fae and has got magic up the wazoo and she’s a book nerd, and she’s kind of a trouble maker, and Cassian thrives. He loves her because she’s like a smaller more diabolical version of Nesta. The House is amused by their antics usually. 

Nesta ends up getting pregnant for their second child and this kid is the only one they actually have on their own. Her name is Lyra, and Maggie thinks that it’s hilarious that Cassian lives in a house with all girls. Maggie is about 12 when they have her, and Maggie at first does not take kindly to Lyra, because she starts feeling like they have their own family and she’s just the kid who eventually is going to have to go back to her other family (because that’s a plot too that I won’t go into to) but they try so much to include her, because Maggie is their child. No question. Nesta ends up telling Cassian that she’s pregnant by giving him an enchanted painting, which is the work of all three Archeron sisters. Elain for seeing what the child would look like, Feyre for painting, and Nesta for enchanting it so that if they have more children the picture will get bigger and there will be room for Feyre to paint the others. So one big family portrait. In that picture, Maggie is tucked in between the two with the baby/toddler. Dark hair, big blue eyes... maybe hazel. Maybe one of each (I’m really not sure). The best parts of both Nesta and Cassian though. She’s so gorgeous. Prettiest little girl. But yeah going back to Maggie, they ask her during this picture time (probably solstice present time) if Maggie wants to be an Archeron. (Another headcanon for another time, but Cassian marries Nesta too and becomes an Acheron). So, does she want to do this? Absolutely, and at this point she already start calling them mom and dad and just referring to them as such, so that’s their kiddos. 

Third and fourth are siblings. They’re from the continent. Maggie is 14, Lyra is close to 2. The siblings are brought by Nesta who is doing some thing that I cannot say because I have not made it up yet, but she finds them at the scene of a Massacre in hiding. The oldest is close to 6, the other is probably 1-ish. The oldest will not let them take the baby from her. The baby is a boy. They don’t speak the common tongue, which is any issue, but they hire a tutor to both talk to the little girl and then also to teach them ALL (everyone in their household) the language that the two siblings speak as well as teach them how to speak the common Prythrian language. So everyone ends up learning. The little girl is taken under the wing of Maggie, who is the perfect older sister/camp counselor as she likes to refer to herself after there’s more kids. They don’t know her name for the LONGEST time, because she won’t speak at all, but she ends up loving Cassian because he makes her laugh and he brings her a thousand stuffed bears because at one point she won’t stop crying and he brings them home and makes funny voices with them, and carries her on his shoulders, and she has the sweetest giggle. But eventually they end up naming her Ursella which she ends up going by Ella when she gets older, because her nickname with Cassian is little bear. They do ask her later when she talks if she remembers her old name and her birthday since they don’t know, but she doesn’t say that she does, which may be a lie, but Ella happily goes by Ella, and they give her a choice to choose one random day in the year to be her birthday, but she chooses to celebrate her birthday on the day they brought her in. She calls it her re-birthday.

The baby boy they name Nico. It’s actually a common Illyrian name and Cassian knows that the little boy is technically not Illyrian but it is his first son, and he really wants to give him that piece of him. Cassian does ask him when he’s about 10 if he’d prefer a name that’s based on his own culture, because they make sure that’s very integrated in their home life, because of course Cassian loves his culture and Nesta has that anthropological eye, so she knows and learns so much and they just love their children so much that they want all of them, every piece that they come with. But Nico likes his name, and he’s his dads through and through. But he LOVES Nesta. He’s a momma’s boy for sure, which I guess just makes him similar to Cassian. He does not like learning though, so Nesta usually has to teach him herself instead of having tutors, and she spends extra time with him going through his lessons. Lyra and him grow up together closer to age, so they pick on each other A LOT, but ultimately they grow up to have that relationship like I can pick on you but no one else can. They’re super close. If you want one, you find the other. They both will be together somewhere making a mess of things. Ella is the one who usually is like would you please be loud somewhere else. She ends up getting into music--playing instruments and so she generally prefers quietness to study and practice. Violin is her forte. 

The next boy comes about 4 yrs later. Maggie is 18, Lyra is 6, Nico is 5/6 ish. Ella is 10. The boy is about 12. He’s Illyrian and Cassian finds him this time and takes him to Nesta first, but Nesta is like why are you asking lol this is our new son. He’s a “bastard” unfortunately. I hate that word. But he has learned to fight, Cassian found him in the fighting pits in an Illyrian camp a couple hours away from Windhaven, and the situation was so much like his except this kid was never given a home like he was. So, he spent a good couple of weeks trying to get on his good side enough for him to trust him and to want to go someplace safer and warm. He hates Cassian a lot at first... while at the same time being like you’re the hero I’ve heard about. So admiration but also a touch of resentment and anger at the world. Cassian doesn’t know what to do with that, because still to the day he does not handle emotion like Nesta does. He understands it but he doesn’t know what to say, what to do, his go to is always training, but training is not what this child needs. So again, this is Nesta’s forte. Interestingly enough, she’s very gentle with kids. She’s empathetic, soft, but not condescending. She gives everyone the same respect so it helps a lot when he sees that and he’s never had a mom before who tucks him in or makes sure he’s feeling well. His name is Julian. I forgot that part and it turns out he’s HATES fighting. But he really likes plants. So he ends up spending a lot of time with Elain when she visits. He’s fascinated by them and ends up having his own garden. But because Nesta is magical in this headcanon (because she’s more witchy in my fics) he learns A LOT about poisons. Not because Nesta teaches him, but because he finds her books and reads them and starts growing them. This becomes a problem, because when Julian doesn’t like his tutors or teachers, he starts trying to poison them. Like not killing them, but he knows which will give stomach aches, which will give rashes. Nesta is both proud and reprimanding. 

I do feel like they might have more, but I don’t know for now I feel this is good for their set family. Five in total for their first gaggle of children lol. But all of them are asked if they want to be an Archeron. All of them say yes. All of them have each other’s back even if they have screaming matches on the daily. The house is mostly chaotic at all times but the House loves having people in it and laughing and being filled to the brim with stuffed animals and train sets and plants and music and family members coming in and out since Nyx visits often because he’s an only child for a very long time with Feyre taking more of a position in court rulings and Rhysand just being generally busy because you know High Lord/High Lady stuff. I don’t see Feyre being a stay at home mom but I also don’t see Rhys being a stay at home dad, but they’re also rulers so I peg them for both being working parents, which they feel guilty about A LOT at first, and it’s something that they struggle with in the confines of their own identities and their relationship, because they love Nyx and they know they’re parents but that’s not all they are, and without having the gender role of one parent staying home it’s very difficult for them to both rule, but Rhys does not want to stop being a high lord and Feyre is bored too often and she wants to rule and she knows she can, and she has that title for a reason and wants to utilize it. So it’s a hard time, with lots of arguments, but Nyx ends up mostly going with Cassian for a good amount of the day when he’s older and they have more kids in the house, and Nyx doesn’t really know that Feyre and Rhys had this problem, because he’d just prefer to be around the other kids and it ends up working really well. 

Cassian ends up being more of the stay at home parent. I don’t know why but I feel he just gives me that vibe where forget the courtier business, if there’s no war and if the armies are generally taken care of which he does, he wants to stay home and raise his kids, which is very surprising since he’s the one who doesn’t ever take vacations. He wants to be there for every moment no matter how awkward or loud. That’s his family and he’s waited so long for them, and it’s not even about him not having that family early on, it’s because he genuinely would rather be with his kids. He’s the one who as soon as they got the siblings was like I’m going to have to take a step back, because he saw his kids every day but he just didn’t want to be away for long periods of time, and at that point he’d already taken several steps back on working, so it became more of a done deal then. He still is the general, but he gives more responsibility to Devlon and to other people he’s trained over the years to step up. So generally, Cassian will work a couple of days a week for a couple of hours or just go quickly in the evenings, go over reports if the kids are in class with their teachers, and more during certain times of the year, but he’s generally more of a family man. 

Nesta in my fic/headcanon ends up being a queen as well as a leader of the witches and the founder/leader of the Valkyrie and she owns a shipping company and she’s the cauldron’s guardian which don’t ask me to explain, it’s in this fic I’ve barely written. But she’s a “I can bake the cake and eat it too” type of person to me, and because of her magic it is easy for her to do it all because it’s like a full time job. She goes home after a certain hour and she’s back with her kiddos, and most of her jobs have other people who have a handle on things as well. So she’s not an island, but she loves having the purpose and the drive, because as much as she did like being in the library and being in Velaris and having that day to day slice of life, she likes and yearns for adventure. She’s a go-getter and is not necessarily ambitious for power, but she’s got the whole world to discover and she can have anything she’s willing to work for. She wants to be and see it all. Cassian is endlessly proud of her and is like that’s my mate, my wife. My mate. My wife. And they both end up getting what they want without having to sacrifice their own ideals. Their marriage is a collaboration and it ends up working phenomenally for the two of them and their children. 

But ultimately it’s really the House that makes it possible. Because who cooks food and cleans and supplies every need and wish and whatnot? The House. Who baby proofs? The House. The House is like I’ve always wanted a big family and boy does it get a big family.