#and i had to include the ginger thing because its mentioned in the movies and i have my theory

[kaletastrophes]

The great Ethan Hawke once said “I’ve always had a thing for Westerns.” I, too, have always had a thing for Westerns. And a thing for Ethan Hawke. And, for the past year, a thing for Pedro Pascal. And next month all of my things are combining into one big thing. A film called “Strange Way of Life”, a Spanish western (anti-western?) about two former friends (lovers?) reuniting after 25 years apart.

To celebrate this momentous collaboration of all my "things" I would like to submit to this website a small collection of Westerns I believe would be helpful to watch before the release of Strange Way of Life next month. I’ve tried to give each film in the list a summary and a small explanation of why I included it in the list.

Some of these I’ve included simply because of how wonderful they are, some because I believe they’re going to inform Strange Way of Life in one way or another, and one because I, no lie, watched it in a movie theater with Ethan Hawke himself at a film festival he put on.

(@the-ginger-hedge-witch hi! I hope its okay to tag you the western queen in this! I thought maybe you would be interested in this western love fest.)

Without further ado:

Westerns I believe would make wonderful companion films to Strange Way of Life:

Red River

How does one delicately say….the scene in which Montgomery Clift meets John Ireland is so homoerotic and so sexy it’s almost unbearable. Have you ever wanted to watch two cowboys compare the weight and size of their dicks by trading guns? Well you’re going to love this film! To put it simply, as a wonderful youtube comment said, “give me one heterosexual reason for this scene. SPOILER there isn’t one!!” Exactly. This film has been hailed in film history for 2 things: the first being that Montgomery Clift burst onto the scene in this movie with a new way of acting (the method) that was so incredible it changed film acting forever. Literally. FOREVER. The second being, this is one of the gayest westerns ever filmed and has been viewed as one of the brightest examples of how homosexuality always found its way past censors. Clift and Ireland were lovers in real life and wow does that come through in every second of this film. Yes, sadly, John Wayne is in this film, but please don’t let this deter you. It’s simply incredible.

Summary: A father (John Wayne) and his adopted son (Montgomery Clift) feud over the management of a cattle drive from Texas to Kansas.

Unforgiven

What happens when one of our greatest Western actors ever, Clint Eastwood, thinks "actually Westerns promote an unrealistic black and white version of history and a kind of violence that is unrealistic at best and actively harmful to our society at worst"? You get THE Western to end ALL Westerns. (Note: please heed trigger warnings for this film!)

Summary: After a sex worker is assaulted, William Munny (Clint Eastwood) comes out of retirement to take one last bounty job and must finally confront the violent and reckless past he thought he left behind.

The Wild Bunch

One last job goes bad trope? Check. Men who have aged just enough they cant understand the modern world that now surrounds them? Check. Men driving themselves to madness after they violate their code of ethics by betraying a friend? CHECK. This film has it all, and it's why its considered one of the greatest Anti-Westerns ever made. And, as I've now mentioned twice before on this site lol, the wine scene in the Strange Way of Life trailer is, I believe, a direct retelling of a scene in this film.

Summary: An aging outlaw gang on the Mexico–United States border plan to retire after a final robbery but find themselves having to adapt to the changing modern world of 1913.

Hud

Paul Newman is HUD! Would you believe I added another Anti-Western to this list?? A father and son fight after their cattle falls ill. Thats the simple summary. My summary: What happens when masculinity becomes so toxic it's like a disease infecting everything and everyone around it? HUD is what happens. This is one of the films I watched at Ethan Hawkes film festival, Paul Newmans West, earlier this year. It's staggering. Hawke has clearly spent a long, long time thinking about Newman, Westerns, and his own life and career. Its hard for me to imagine he didn't carry at least a piece of this performance with him into Strange Way. (Note: please heed trigger warnings about this film as well!)

Summary: Honest and hard-working Texas rancher Homer Bannon (Melvyn Douglas) has a conflict with his unscrupulous, selfish, arrogant and egotistical son Hud (Paul Newman).

The Power of The Dog

ANOTHER gay anti-western?? Yes. YES. One of my favorite films. Loneliness and internalized homophobia destroy, we all know that, but it feels like it's never been said more powerfully or put more fully on display than in this film.

Summary: A domineering rancher (Benedict Cumberbatch) responds with mocking cruelty when his brother (Jesse Plemons) brings home a new wife and her son, until the unexpected comes to pass.

Brokeback Mountain

The film that started it all! Almodóvar famously turned down directing Brokeback Mountain in 2004 because he felt the studio would stifle his vision. “(Strange Way of Life) could be like my answer to Brokeback Mountain."- Almodóvar  What more is there to say? A watch (or re-watch) is imperative.

Summary: In 1963, rodeo cowboy Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) and ranch hand Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) are hired by rancher Joe Aguirre as sheep herders in Wyoming.

Extracurricular Films

Westerns staring Ethan Hawke:

The Magnificent Seven

In a Valley of Violence

The Kid

The Good Lord Bird (miniseries)

Westerns staring Pedro Pascal:

Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Triple Frontier

The Mandalorian (series)

The Last of Us (series)

Films shown at Ethan Hawke's Film Festival, Paul Newmans West:

The Left Handed Gun

Hombre

Hud

The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean

Buffalo Bill and the Indians or Sitting Bull's History Lesson

Highlights from Pedro Almodóvar's directing career:

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!

All About My Mother

Talk to Her

Bad Education

Volver

Parallel Mothers

[hearts401]

wait I forgor that the reason I was in your ask box was bc I wanted to say that your art is rlly cool and reminded me why I liked fnaf in the first place!! :]

(Also if you don't mind id love to hear some headcanons you have for the aftons ehe)

DSJDSFKJD TYYY OUHFUH Thats so sweet omg :(((

OOH BOY HEADCANONS FOR THE AFTONS (Not gonna include mrs.afton aside from vague mentions simply bc i dont care about the implied existence of a wife for william lmaoo)

Elizabeth

-8 years old

-audhd

-I am an intense ginger hair lizzie truther. SHE IS NOT BLONDE!!!! I REFUSE!!!

-She looooves circuses and would dress herself and her friends up as clowns a lot. her love for makeup sparked it and then it went on from there

-music stims galore!! humming, patting her legs, bouncing to the sound of music

-likes first person shooters!! not an a "cute girl likes edgy games" way but in the way that she genuinely enjoys them! shed rlly love shooting games. shed also likes games liek stardew and animal crossing bc shed like getting to know the villagers. (ik these games dont fit the timeline of the 80's but whatever idc) she'd like those gun games at amusement parks too

-lots of energy!!! you cannot stop her!!!!!

-her fav ice cream is mint chocolate chip

-shes not close with her brothers, much closer with her father. because of her fathers distance, however, this results in her feeling lonely a lot, but shes not willing to get involved in whatever her brothers are doing

-LOVES SPRING!!! LOVES IT!!! ITS HER FAVORITE!!!

-really likes animals and especially colorful birds. she has a collection of many things, one of them being colorful and pretty feathers (she has a peacock feather and its her pride)

-really likes bunnies just like her dad!

-likes to braid hair and do makeup. she used to do it with michael whenever he let her. him cutting that off kinda fucked their relationshipt. (and ofc then came the bite)

-She has a very orange room. orange red and pink r her favorite colors.

-thinks her eyes are super pretty

-if she's curious about an item, she'll sniff it and inspect it and feel it but not put it in her mouth bc thats gross ><

-sleeps on her side like a normal person

-likes dolls n stuff :333

Evan

-10 years old

-anxiety and autism

-very good at sewing (bc michael would break his plushies a lot)

-never let lizzie do his makeup bc it overstimulated him

-anxious stims. hand shakes, biting his nails, wringing his hands, shifting side to side, ect.

-enjoys crocheting but almost never has yarn. lizzie gave him an unused yarn ball once and he used it to make a bunch of stuff

-very picky eater, but he wont say it out loud.

-likes webkinz

-HATES HORROR MOVIES!! like this is a given but he will stay up all night thinking about it. its the one thing he stands up for himself on is not being forced to wathc horror movies (mostly because its the only thing both william and lizzie will back him up on)

-he likes yellow a lot. his room isnt hyellow but he wishes it was.

-doesn't have friends and is regarded as weird, but kids avoid him for the most part. most of his bullying comes from ppl who know michael.

-hed like racing games a lot

-scared of his dad and by association he was scared of henry too

-not super close with charlie but he knows her to be a good person. wishes he was closer with her

-ofc easily startled, freaked out, and made uncomfortable

-does NOT like being talked over

-gets frustrated rlly easily and often rants to his fredbear plush

-liked to draw!! he picked it up from mike when he was younger and continues to do it as an outlet

-wishes he had a bigger family

-definitely not flexible at all, but doesnt hurt himself much (hes not dumb, he learns what makes his bones break)

-will feel things over if hes curious about them. maybe sniff them too but he gets scared they'll kill him 😭

-dislikes amusement parks bc overstim but does enjoy the games and prizes

-he likes rice. idk. he just likes rice a lot.

-if he grew up, hed be taller than mike AND lizzie idc idc

-he tries his best to smile in family photos but he just looks so goddamn uncomfortable that eventually william just let him sit them out.

-definitely a peacemaker between lizzie amd mike

-if hes thinking hard he looks PISSED. RESTING BITCH FACE. He is GLARING AT HIS PLATE. "Evan? What's wrong?" and he just immediately is like 😠😯🙁

-he cares about michael a lot more than he should. he tells him to stop when hes fighting someone, he tries to calm him down when hes angry, he tries to talk to him. it makes him so frustrated, it makes him so mad when michael refuses him rudely, but he keeps doing it. its who he is.

-he got a golden freddy mask that creeped michael out and he jumpscared him with it once.

-cuts his own hair

-not a hugger but if EITHER of his siblings offer a hug he will NOT deny them (does not apply to william tho)

-i dont think he cared about william tbh lol

-sleeps on his back like a corpse.

Michael

-14

-audhd

-nonbinary he/they but doesnt realize it til hes 18

-gets mad when overstimulated

-Likes pirates a lot, watches lots of pirate shows.

-INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA it kicked in in like 2nd grade when someone made fun of him for letting lizzie do his makeup. (jeremy helps him get over it)

-forgets to eat a lot. not intentionally. hes just dumb.

-argues with his dad the most, and drives william nuts

-if hes curious about something, hes gonna bite it. what is it? idk. CHOMP

-loves skirts bc sensory issues are worse in his ankles. he compromises by wearing basketball shorts.

-canNOT wear things near his neck. hates things near his neck.

-close-ish with charlie. likes talking to her.

-favorite color is red. he puts it everywhere.

-likes pokemon.

-watches anime

-BIG HORROR FAN BUT THAT SHIT KEEPS HIM UP AT NIIIIGHT

-halloween is his fav holiday. ud think its bc he liked scaring evan (and it kinda is) but mostly he jsut likes dressing up and going trick or treating. he'll use his costume to scare evan later tho. william takes them away because of that, just bc he doesnt want michael ruining the costume (they reuse them sometimes)

-likes growing his hair out

-looks very soft when thinking. evan only talks to him when he looks calm and collected.

-stims by humming, tapping, slamming his fists, and making loud sounds (shouting, whining, UGH AAAGH ect.) which tend to overstimulate evan

-him and evan are adhd vs autism but if the adhd also had autism

-scared of the ocean but he'll never admit it (got bit by some small fish once and it freaked him out)

-mouth moves faster than his brain

-NOT A MORNING PERSON (except on halloween) DO NOT TALK TO HIM IN THE MORNING!!! HE BITES!!!

-messy room with very little in it.

-punches holes in his walls as a stim :(

-likes sweaters in fall

-for someone who jumpscares his little brother, he gets jumpscared easily

-giggles a lot during hide and seek but thru hiding from evan he learned how to stop it. if he does giggle it means hes genuinely happy

-faints when SUPER freaked out. but it takes a lot

-probably gets queasy around blood

-lactose intolerant but he'll be damned if he doesnt eat that mac n cheese

-has SO MUCH FOXY MERCH. he convinces his dad to give him EVERYTHING HE LOVES FOXY SO MUCH

-would do awesome in school if he could get himself to try

-probably felt rlly hurt when he heard foxy was confined to a small area and not onstage. not because it mattered to him, but because the way william looks at foxy makes him think of the way he looks at him.

-gators r his second fav animal

-draws as a way of venting, but it rarely works. he likes it tho

-SINGS ALL THE TIME. WALKS INTO THE HOUSE DANCING AND SINGING AND TAPPING THINGS

-moves in his sleep

-TIGHT HUGS.

-AFFECTIONATE SHOULDER PUNCH GO!!!

-AGGRESSIVE SHOULDER PUNCH GO!!!

-NEUTRAL "I'm uncomfortable and idk what to do rn" SHOULDER PUNCH GO!!!

-giggles evilly

-like evan hes not very flexible but hes much more likely to hurt himsel fand sprains his ankles a lot

William

-Do not misspell his last name he will get unbelievably pissed

-probably nd too bc all his kids are but he doesnt gaf abt that 😭

-has kissed a man before as an experiment. did not get anything from it unfortunately

-met henry in college for robotics and became friends

-when his wife left/died he was just like "oh. i have three kids now. fuck." and then avoided them

-doesnt care about his kids but them dying causes problems for him so he tries his best to keep them alive (unsuccessfully. this is the afton family after all)

-just like mike, he sings and taps a lot, but its more humming and tapping.

-also lactose intolerant but he actually cares about it

-likes bunnies a lot.

-allergic to pollen. severely. he walks outside in spring and is already sneezing and rubbing his eyes

-Frustrated easily

-Looks pissed when hes not, looks pissed when he is. looks pissed when hes sad. looks pissed when hes thinking. the only time he doesnt looks pissed is when he looks happy and that is very rare (and never happens around his kids, only henry)

-TIGHT HUGS.

-Buys his kids gifts but its always stuff they either dont like anymore or didnt like int he first place. he doesnt care

-secretly likes thanksgiving a lot. hes a foodie what can i say

-lizzie is his favorite but that only means he is occasionally gentle with her in a way he'll never be with his sons

-likes dressing up fancy but als freaky he just likes dressing up

-poses in the mirror to check his outfit. michael walked in on him once and william has never yelled at him so muhc in his life. michael acted upset but he was giggling to himself

-does not and will never care about whatever michael and evan have goin on. he does NOT have time for them.

-drops and breaks his phone ALL THE TIME.

-likes stress balls a lot.

-springbonnie is his BABY. he LOVES HER.

-grabs his kids by their heads a lot. like if michael is in his way he'll just put a hand on his head and move him off to the side. the only one he cant do it to is evan because he just moves out of the way

-has a bunch of tiny robots of his own. he likes to make silly bunny robots taht r tiny

-thinks hes smooth wiht flirting and could grab a girl (he cant henry knows he cant)

-sticks his tongue out like a cartoon character when hes thinking SUPER hard

-pats michael on the back a lot to lighten a tense situation but it just makes michael tense up and makes it worse

-giggles evilly

-used to be queasy with blood and spent an hour in front of a mirror post-killing charlie telling himself to man up and somehow that worked

-not a hugger. only hugs his kids in public to lighten the mood. except mike. mike u get awkward back pats

-doesnt like being touched (he WILL smack your hand)

I THINK THATS ALL LMAOOO I HAVE SO MANY

[dr-jem-nutcase]

MvA h/cs

Cooked up some movie & TV h/cs...cuz I can

Overall

before the timeline of the movie, the monsters had a TV on occasions. This was a rare treat which lasted until the TV set broke on its own and couldn't be repaired or got destroyed

the monsters' rec area was like the hand-me-downs central; anything the staff didn't want or need anymore went to the monsters, from those playing cards to radios to whatever. It usually came from the trash heap for Dr C's meals

the 2000s brought a little variety as a lot of people at the base made the transition to DVDs and threw out their VCR sets and cassette tapes

after the post-freedom upgrade, the base set up on-demand entertainment for the monsters

for every streaming site, every monster has their own accounts. Except for Link & Butterflysaurus (or B) who share accounts

they can all agree on sit-coms and comedies, believe it or not, some film noir or some off-the-wall random movie

depending on the sport, they all like watching a good game

Susan

down for most anything anyone wants to watch

likes period and mid-century romance/dramas like Downton Abbey, Bridgerton, Call The Midwife, Mad Men, and anything based off Jane Austen's books

was a Twilight fan back in her teens and now cringes at those memories of being on Team Edward

chic flicks: Legally Blonde, Pretty Woman, The Notebook, Mamma Mia!, Audrey Hepburn movies. Titanic and Moulin Rouge! are both fully capable of making her cry almost every time. This is a very good reason why she has her own streaming accounts

can make it through most horror movies but doesn't really enjoy them

roots for all sports teams from Cali

the only monster most willing to watch whatever BOB wants to watch

liked watching cooking shows and DIY tutorials when she was small. She'll still watch them sometimes inspite of the fact she can't easily cook or pull off most DIYs

BOB

the kids' page on streaming sites & YouTube Kids all the way!

has the kid's tendency to watch the same thing over and over again and never get sick of it

the other monsters can't watch adult films and shows with him. He'll ask questions like, what's going on during a bedroom scene or "What's a [enter any profanity of your choice here]?". He's also a parrot who will mindlessly repeat a single swear word he only heard once

sometimes you'll find him watching random stuff like a Malaysian talk show or a Julia Child cooking tutorial or some abstract silent film

you know those kids' shows that interact with the audience, like Mr. Rogers, Blues Clues, & Dora the Explorer? Yeah, he REALLY gets into them

had a kids tablet for about two weeks but then accidentally ate it. Monger hasn't had the heart to give him another one

Dr C

his pastimes include lab experiments, reading books and science papers, playing chess (via a computer versus the CPU/another player online because no one at the base wants to play), and other mentally/intellectually stimulating activities, so he'll watch something if he wants and/or needs a mental break

the other monsters tried getting him into Big Bang Theory. To everyone's surprise, he didn't care for it

has BritBox

when he's chilling, he'll watch vintage/vintage-style musical movies, particularly with good dance numbers like Singin' In The Rain. One of his heroes in dance is Gene Kelly; Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers would've been on his list, but he hasn't had a skilled dance partner offhand since his college days

likes videos like Ted Talks and Infographics Show (YouTube). He may be the most brilliant man in the world but he knows there's always more to learn

his YouTube subscriptions include dance groups and science lecturers from around the world

doesn't care much for most sports but he'll gladly watch polo and a lot of the Olympics. Tried to pass the time by reading a book during a football game once, and Link said, "Doc, if you don't put that book down, I'll throw you and that thing in the trash!". Never again

Link

as mentioned in an earlier H/C post of mine, he's a closeted shonen anime fan and he'll watch anything but One Piece

football is his favorite sport to watch. He watches it when he can

NEVER misses Super Bowl Sunday. Or at least to the best of his ability. He was very disappointed when one of his missions happened on Super Bowl Sunday

also likes WWE

martial arts: always and forever, baby!

has watched both Luca and The Shape of Water. He doesn't mind them but he got pretty annoyed when people made comparisons between him and the Amphibian Man or the sea monsters. BOB was like, "Hey, Link! Why don't YOU turn into a human when you leave your tank?"

was into superhero movies and TV series in the 2010s but jumped off the bandwagon when he thought they were being overdone. Though he still likes Guardians of the Galaxy, Deadpool, and anything with Wolverine

thinks Star Wars, Harry Potter, and most other popular sci-fi/fantasy franchises are just for kids and nerds

doesn't care much for romances or most cartoons either

if something scares him or makes him cry, he'll try to hide it

it took him a while to be able to watch anything with Shrek after being mistaken for Shrek in the Halloween special

[a/n: I can also see him being a gamer]

Insecto/B

likes sports no thanks to Link

will watch most anything Link watches

likes some anime, particularly Sailor Moon for whatever reason

likes cartoon shows meant for older kids

doesn't like horror movies, has a hard time settling down or going to sleep after watching one

avoids animal/nature programs as some of them can be quite traumatizing

every now and then she'll be caught watching something with BOB like Bluey

Monger

watches the news every day

knows better than to believe everything he sees

watches a little M*A*S*H before bedtime at least twice a week

every now and then watches stuff like All in the Family just cuz he likes the comedic but logical political tension among the main characters

still has analog cable (antenna and all) at the farm

hates I Love Lucy because his wife had it on TV more than anything else

likes war films and a number of films about World War II. There's a few he won't watch tho because he thinks they're either badly made, too sentimental, or too depressing

likes comedies from the 1950s-60s

The President

likes watching himself on TV and videos online

likes talking smack to opposing politicians when watching videos of them, like, "In your dreams, bucko! Not while I'm large and in charge!"

comedies, comedies, comedies...and game shows

Simpsons fanboy

has an appreciation for daytime TV: long-running soap operas, talk shows hosted by middle-aged women, Judge Judy, Dr. Phil, etc.

considers the family sitting in front of the TV together as quality family time and sit-coms as an American staple

can't watch foreign language films with English subtitles. He eventually gets bored and falls asleep

as mentioned in an earlier H/C post, he doesn't trust biopics one bit. After finding out over half of The Greatest Showman was fictional, he lost faith in any portrayals of history both on screen and stage

Derek

liked watching famous news reporters and weather-folk as role models when he was a kid and as inspiration when he became a weatherman

took Susan and other girls he dated to the movies

if not at the movies, he and Susan would curl up on a sofa and watch something together, going back and forth between what he likes and what she likes

likes most sports, except basketball

Ted Talks, late night talk shows, and popular sit-coms

watches whatever catches his attention on Hulu and Max

had a very hard time watching anything with the monsters. Still does but it's not as hard anymore

Invisible Man

went to a few drive-in theaters with his wife on dates before and after they got married

Andy Griffith and Red Skelton were some of his favorite shows

yet he enjoyed some of the heavier and less lighthearted films, like Streetcar Named Desire. If he cried, he tried to not let anyone know

not much of a cinema-goer but he enjoyed taking his two older kids

liked what little he saw of The Carol Burnett Show while in prison

if he saw Mel Brooks' films, he would've loved them

von Wolfmann (my OC, a German wolfman and past monster, at Area 5X 1960-65)

having lived much of his 70+-year life away from society, he probably had no idea what TV & cinema were, let alone knew they existed

The Cyberian (my OC, a Soviet Russian cyborg and past monster, at Area 5X 1981-85)

TV became a bit of a staple in the Soviet Russian home over time, so there was a handful of shows that she liked throughout her life

she liked going to the movies with her dad/grandparents as a kid and teenager, a special treat

didn't like anything based off books. "Just read the book." She said. "No pictures but they're a lot more interesting than THIS sad piece of work"

thought period pieces were boring. More than once she fell asleep watching them

grew up with black-and-white TV, so she was excited the first time she saw color TV

learned some of her English from what little TV the monsters had and learned a bit about the USA and the world outside the USSR

probably would've been the only monster to have been a big fan of Star Wars and/or Star Trek

[dameronology]

tea & whiskey {jack daniels x reader} - 5

summary: you like jack. jack likes you. it doesn’t have to be complicated - but that’s now how things work. {series masterlist}

warnings: swearing

sorry for the huge gap between this update and the last one!! university has been manic and somehow writing 1500 words for an essay is much harder than writing 4k words for a fan fiction. i hope you enjoy!!

- jazz

You weren’t in a relationship.

This was not a relationship.

Sure, you spent every night at Jack’s apartment and sure, he made you dinner three times a week and sure, he did everything a boyfriend would but no, he was not your boyfriend. You didn’t do relationships - especially not with cowboys. This was, as you had agreed prior, just a bit of fun. It was nice not having to go back to an empty apartment in a strange city, and even nicer to wake up in his warm arms. Because that’s what Jack Daniels was: warm - and funny and kind, all things which continued to surprise you. Every time he offered to help you with your paperwork or made you coffee in the morning, you couldn’t help but ask why. For him, it was his second nature; he cared about you and so, he looked after you. For you, having been trained in an office where it was every man for himself, it was hard to get your head around. 

You didn’t mean to let him do much for you. It was just that you hadn’t ever had anyone to look after you; it had always been you against the world. And, on the occasions he wasn’t being a pain in the ass, Eggsy. 

Eggsy! Fuck.

You shot up in bed, almost rolling out as you realised what time it was. 7AM. Midday in London, where your best friend had been waiting for your call almost two hours ago. The daily phone call that had become, of recently, weekly. You hadn’t mean for your priorities to slip, but with both Calahan and Jack keeping you busy, it had become hard. You were already stretching yourself in a thousand different directions on a good day - then there were the days where you had three witnesses to do recon on, twenty arrests to file in the system and a suspect to interrogate. Eggsy knew firsthand what it was like but you’d been perfectly able to keep up with the daily calls during your first few weeks here - then Jack happened, and you’d started to slip. Completely unintentionally, of course, but was that not just part of adult life?

‘Jack!’ You tried to wriggle free of his grip, but it only tightened. ‘I gotta get up-’

‘- no, you don’t.’ He wrapped his arms your waist, pulling you into his chest. ‘It’s a Sunday. Like hell do you need to get up on a Sunday.’

‘I have to call Eggsy.’ You attempted to wrench his arms off of you. 

Jack lifted his head off the pillow, revealing a tousled mess of dark hair and  languid brown eyes. He blinked for a moment, offering you a sleepy smile when your eyes met. 

‘Promise you’ll come back?’ He asked.

‘Promise.’ You pressed a quick kiss to his lips, smiling against him when he finally released you from his hold.

You pattered across the room, grabbing your phone off of the nightstand as you passed. As expected, there were six missed calls from Eggsy and a text with a a gif of a sad puppy. You felt a pang in your chest -- had you been a terrible friend? This was the longest time you’d spent apart in your entire lives. He was a constant presence and maybe that’s why you’d run to Jack so easily. No, you pushed that thought aside. You were with Jack because you liked him. It was nothing to do with anyone else. 

‘Look who finally found the time to call me.’ Eggsy’s sarcastic drawl came down the phone after exactly two rings. 

‘I am so sorry.’ You groaned. ‘I overslept.’

‘You never oversleep.’ He shot back. ‘You get up at 5am every Sunday to go for a run and watch Friends.’

‘You’re the one who was always banging on at me to start enjoying the luxuries of sleeping in.’ You reminded him. ‘So I did.’

‘I don’t believe you.’ Eggsy teased. ‘So how come you’re not at your apartment?’

You froze. ‘I am.’

‘Really? Because I tried your landline five times and you didn’t answer.’ 

‘What is this?’ You scowled. ‘Interrogate your best friend day or something?!’

‘Stop trying to change the subject.’ He shot back. ‘What’s his name?’

‘Whose name?’

‘The guy you’re clearly sleeping with.’

Another groan. ‘He doesn’t have one.’

‘He must do if it’s serious enough to distract you from...nevermind.’

‘From what?’ You asked.

‘Nothing. It doesn’t matter.’

‘Eggsy. Just tell me.’ You stressed. ‘It’s me.’

‘That’s my point.’ He replied. ‘Look, I didn’t want to say anything because it’s gonna make me sound like an arsehole, but you’ve been distant these past few weeks.’

‘I’ve been working. You know how important this job is.’ You sighed, running a hand through your hair. ‘And the timezone isn’t helping.’

‘You say that, but then you’re with a guy-’

‘- I’m not!’ You cut him off. 

You were tired. Too tired for this. You loved your best friend but sometimes, his petulance could rub you the wrong way. You’d been so important to one another for so long that Eggsy sometimes acted a little...entitled. Entitled to every second of your attention, entitled to know every detail of everything in your life. Most of the time, you would divulge - and that probably didn’t help the situation - but this? You wanted to keep it yourself. It was personal. Too personal even for him. 

‘You’re the one who left early to be with Tilde and I didn’t whine or kick up a fuss!’ You snapped. 

‘So you had a problem-’

‘- I don’t have the energy for this right now.’ You cut him off. ‘It’s early and I’ve been working my arse off all week. This is my first day off in forever.’

‘And you still managed to find time for a hook up and not call me?’

‘It’s not a hook up.’ You quickly said. Quicker than you would have liked, actually. ‘I’m just doing something for me for once, Eggsy.’

‘I encourage it but not at the expense of-’

‘- of what?’ You snapped. ‘Of you?’

‘Exactly.’

‘I’m going back to bed.’ You announced. 

‘But we haven’t spoken properly for days!’

‘Yeah, and you still managed to make this into a woe me, she’s doing things that don’t revolve around me! conversation.’ You sardonically laughed. 

‘What do you want me to say? Sorry for missing you?’

Eggsy was attached to you. Probably a little too attached. It had caused problems early in his relationship with Tilde and he didn’t even know fully about Jack and was already kicking up a fuss. You couldn’t blame him; you’d grown up together, and you were the only constant person in his life. Whenever things had been bad at home, you were his escape. Whenever he found himself getting into trouble for hundredth time, you never strayed away from fighting his corner. He’d been there for you too; fighting off bad boyfriends and calling out any sexist co-workers. It was just that sometimes his sentiment extended a little too far, to the point where he got offended if he wasn’t the centre of your universe. 

‘No, Eggsy.’ You murmured. ‘I just...I’m sorry I snapped, and I’m sorry I was shit and missed your call, but I’m not sorry for not giving you the 411 on everything I do.’

‘I give you the 411 on everything I do.’

‘And I’ve told you a million times that you don’t have have too.’ You replied. ‘I have a life outside our friendship and you’re going to have to get used to it.’

‘That wasn’t what I was trying to get at.’ Eggsy began. ‘I just meant that I know you and I know you don’t do relationships but it kinda seems like you’re doing one right now and I just...don’t forget about me, yeah?’

Glancing over your shoulder, you checked that the bedroom door was still closed. It wasn’t that you didn’t want Jack to hear, but discussing the private details of your thing together to somebody else wasn’t really something you wanted him to hear. Especially when he barely knew Eggsy. 

‘I could never forget about you, Egghead.’ You softly smiled. ‘But this is not a relationship, okay? It’s just something to keep me busy whilst I’m in the city. Both parties are very much aware and I promise you that I know what I’m doing.’

(You didn’t).

‘Okay. I’ll let you get back to sleep.’ Eggsy chuckled. ‘Love you, old pal.’

‘Love you more, old chum.’

Your heart was a little heavy as you hung up. You missed him dearly but you liked what you had going here; people actually listened to you at Statesman and whatever the hell was going on with Jack felt good. You’d felt confident in what you’d said to Eggsy about it not being a relationship, but you couldn’t help but panic a tiny bit. What if you were slipping further and further towards the point of no return? What if you were becoming so comfortable that even if you did fall into some accidental, domestic situation, you were too attached to admit it? That went against everything you fundamentally were. Jack went against everything you fundamentally were - and yet, you were so ready to shrug it off. It wasn’t bad to let someone look after you, right? You could stop whenever you wanted, but it hadn’t reached that point just yet. 

Jack was still awake when you crept back into the bedroom; he was staring at the ceiling, eyes heavy with sleep, but open nonetheless. He didn’t turn to look at you when you crawled back onto the mattress, instead just reaching an arm out towards you as you collapsed against his side. There was something...grounding about him. Steady and comforting. He spent most of his time humouring your finicky and pedantic nature, constantly reminding you to calm the fuck down and take a breather. He’d been teaching you to take things a little less seriously, and it felt good.

‘How’s Eggsy?’ He murmured quietly, eyes falling shut again. 

‘He’s...’ you dropped your head against his shoulder, pondering for a moment. ‘Eggsy.’

Jack’s chest shook with a light chuckle. ‘You sounded a little stressed on the phone.’

‘He was just asking a lot of questions.’ You replied. ‘More than I have the answers to.’ 

‘About what?’ He asked. ‘Me?’

‘A little.’ You explained. 

Jack made a quiet mmm sound, his grip on you tightening as he pulled you closer. He pressed a kiss to your temple and pulled you under chin. You didn’t resist - he was comfortable and warm, and you felt safe like this. The actions were a direct antithesis to the vortex of panic and confusion in your brain. The more you did stuff like this - soft mornings and stolen kisses and sleepily pillow talk - the less easy it would become to cut it all off at a minute’s notice. It’s not that you wanted to do so, but knowing you could was what offered that extra little bit of comfort. It was like an extra fire escape in a big building, or an extra parachute on an airplane. 

‘What are we, Jack?’ You asked quietly. ‘Jack?’

Your question was met with a snore.

--

Jack knew that something was off the following day. 

You normally would have stayed at his apartment for the entire day, as you had for the last three weekends, but instead, you’d left at midday with a bullshit excuse about paperwork. He hadn’t argued it. Jack was very much aware of your shining individualism and need for time to yourself, so he didn’t think much of it. It was the same when you’d aired every text he’d sent, and the same when you didn’t ask him to give you a lift on Monday morning. He was a little torn between wondering if you were just being unwittingly taking time for yourself, or if he’d said or done something. Surely you would have said something, right? You always had done before. Of all the people he knew, you were the one who would call others out for their shit. 

The final straw had come when you weren’t in the office when he got in. Your desk was empty, and there was no sign of you having been there at all since Friday. No faint smell of Chanel in the air, no discarded Starbucks cup or terribly written stick notes. Nothing that he’d come to associate you with. 

‘Tequila?’ Jack stuck his head out the door, eyes catching his colleague’s as he drifted down the hall. 

‘Boss?’ Tequila stopped, giving him a nod. ‘Sup?’

‘Have you seen Percy anywhere?’ He asked. 

‘Yeah, she’s in Ginger’s office.’ He replied. ‘And damn, she looks good today. Heels and-’

‘- don’t drool.’ Whiskey cut him off. ‘It’s not a good look on you.’

Why were you in Ginger’s office? You never worked there. Heck, he didn’t know that the two of you were that close. You didn’t seem like the type of person who had time for friends. Eggsy was the exception, of course, but Jack saw him more as your weird, surrogate son than anything else. 

Sure enough, Tequila had been right - about both things. You were in Ginger’s office and you did look amazing. Not that it was different from any other day, but you were wearing a new lipstick shade that day and your hair had been done slightly differently. He couldn’t blame the guy for making a comment on it, even if it had made his blood boil. Jack knew that he didn’t really have the right, because you weren’t...exclusive or anything. All part of him was beginning to wish you were, but he knew that wasn’t your style. This was the closest he was ever going to get and frankly, he was just grateful somebody as breath taking as you was giving him the time of day. 

‘Hey, Whiskey.’ Ginger saw him first. ‘What can I do for you?’

‘I need my agent.’ Jack replied. ‘Got some paperwork on Calahan.’

‘I know, I’ve got it here.’ You glanced over your shoulder at him. ‘Ginger is helping me with it.’

‘Not that paperwork.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Other paperwork.’

‘We don’t have other paperwork, Ja- Whiskey.’ 

‘We do. And I need your help with it.’ He said. ‘Now.’

‘Like right now?’ You frowned. 

‘Yes, agent.’

Agent? Had he just called you agent? Freaking Merlin called you that. It did make sense, because they were technically both your bosses, but Jack wasn’t...well, he was Jack. Jack who you’d spent every night with for the past three weeks. Jack who made you dinner every night. Jack who you’d had a thousand deep conversations with. 

‘I guess I’ll see you around.’ You forced a smile at Ginger. 

‘Sure thing!’ She smiled back, not picking up on the tension. 

The pair of you walked back to your shared office in silence, shared for the sound of your heels on the floor and the traffic outside. Neither of you had spoken for twelve hours and yet, there was some kind of tense atmosphere slowly taking over the space between you with each passing second. For a pair that were normally so good at talking, you sure had failed at it. 

Jack shut the door as soon as you entered - actually, he slammed it. It made you jump slightly, turning around to face him with a scowl. 

‘The fuck’s going on, Whiskey?’ 

‘I could ask you the same thing.’ He grunted. ‘What’s with all the sudden quiet? You doing a sponsored silence or something?’

‘No.’ You leant against your desk, not faltering. He was lucky that looks couldn’t kill. 

‘So why are you avoiding me?’

‘Why do you think I’m avoiding you?!’

‘I don’t know, darling - maybe the fact you left early yesterday, you’ve been ignoring my texts and calls and the fact you weren’t in the office this morning?’

‘Well, I guess you got me there.’ You muttered. ‘I just...Eggsy said something yesterday and it freaked me out a little.’

Jack faltered slightly. ‘What?’

‘He said it seemed like I was in a relationship.’ You explained. ‘And it made me realised that we’re really slipping towards that territory and it’s just not something I’m able to do.’

‘So, what? You wanna stop this whole thing?’

‘No!’ You exclaimed. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Hey, c’mhere.’ Jack crossed the room, gently taking your hands in his. ‘What are you so scared of, sweetheart?’

‘Nothing. I’m not scared of anything.’ You tried to puff your chest out, and he could only laugh. 

‘I know what it’s about.’ He placed a hand on your cheek. ‘Remember all that shit you spewed about not needing anyone? About how you never needed anyone to look after you?’

You nodded. 

‘It’s not that don’t need anyone - I think you’re scared to.’ He explained. ‘Now, I’m not saying you need me, because I think you might slap this hat right off my goddamn head if I do, but I am saying that maybe, just maybe, you’ve been bordering on the territory of letting me look after you these past few weeks., and that is scary for you.’

‘Maybe I have.’

‘And that’s okay, sugar.’ He stressed. ‘You’re allowed to want someone to look after you, without needing someone to look after you. There’s a difference.’

‘There is?’

‘You don’t know a damn thing, do you?’

‘I don’t think I do.’ You bit your lip, eyes falling to the ground.

Jack chuckled. ‘Everything we said still stands -- all that about this only being whilst you’re in New York, about it not getting in the way of our work. I know this is more serious than we planned but I’m still down for it if you are.’

‘I just...there is one more thing.’

‘What is it?’

‘Ginger and I were talking - not about you, you just kinda came up - and she uh...’

‘She said I’m the reason she’s not in the field, didn’t she?’

‘Yeah.’

‘That’s...that’s complicated.’

‘It doesn’t seem complicated.’ You urged. ‘She’s a good agent. She works hard and she at least deserves a chance.’

‘You trust me, don’t you?’

‘Why are you answering my questions with questions?’ You thinned your eyes at him. ‘But yeah, I do.’

‘Then trust me when I say that I have my reasons.’ He said. ‘Please?’

‘Yeah, okay.’

‘So, are we good?’

‘We’re good.’

You didn’t resist when Jack pulled you into a tight hug, or when he pressed a kiss to your forehead. He held your head to his chest, hand on the back of your head for a moment, letting out a small sigh. It was easy to listen to what he’d said, about trusting him and it’s complicated - in fact, it was a little hard to think about anything when the faint smell of his aftershave was swarming your senses, warm body pressed to yours. 

But still, you couldn’t push away the nagging feeling at the back of your head. 

taglist: @b0nnyzz @xremember-me-notx @somenerdyuser @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol @javisjeanjacket @phoenixhalliwell @no-droids-on-sunday​ @paintballkid711​ @waatermelon-sugaar​ @hepburnwritess​ @haileyybird​ @xjaywritesx​ @jabbajambler​ @the-mandalorian-clone-lover​ @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky​ @welcometothepedroverse​ @wickedmuse​ (if you wanna be added, pls drop me a msg!) 

[latveriansnailmail]

Favorite Movies as of 2021

Subject to updating because surely I’ve missed a few. This is not supposed to be a list of meritorious films but rather just a list of movies I genuinely enjoy. It runs from Shakespeare to Bill & Ted with heavy doses of 80s fantasy, superhero schlock, and pretty much anything with Kurt Russell in it. Enjoy.

1- Harvey No contest, my favorite of all time.

2- Big Trouble in Little China It’s always a great joy to introduce a new viewer to this film.

3- Flash Gordon (1980) In which they totally lean into the camp and low budget.

4- The Thing I watch this annually upon the first major snowfall.

5- Titus (Taymor) One winter break Titus would be on one of the movie channels each day when I woke up, so I watched it daily for a month and it didn’t get old.

6- Death to Smoochy “Are you alright?” “I’m a little fucked up in general so it’s hard to gauge.”

7- Blade Runner (The Final Cut) So there’s this dude Deckard and he hunts robots but it turns out HE’S a robot, oh so very clever, little film

8- Tombstone I recently learned that Kurt Russell directed this film in all but name.

9- The Dark Crystal Immersive fantasy, though I’m sure it appears plain, drab, and simple now after the Netflix prequel.

10- Somewhere in Time I’m a romantic, I guess. Thus all the John Carpenter movies.

11- Grosse Pointe Blank So good, I used to think I liked John Cusack.

12- The Producers (musical) You heard me. Wilder and Mostel were great but the musical version had decades to mill over and expand the premise.

13- To Be or Not To Be (Brooks) Surprisingly suspenseful.

14- The 13th Warrior Saw it again recently and it holds up. Horror, only it happens to viking warriors who would rather chop the horror down than run.

15- The Mighty Thor I mean, Black Panther is objectively the best of the lot but subjectively this is my personal favorite superhero flick. I must have seen it a half a dozen times at least.

16- Lost Boys A billion Chinese can’t be wrong.

17- Die Hard A Christmas tradition. As a postman, it’s cathartic for me to watch Christmas get blown up a little before all the hugging and sentiment.

18- The Blues Brothers Deadpan hilarity cut with performances by legends of blues and soul.

19- The Sting The best heist film. It keeps you guessing until the very end and no twist feels arbitrary or leaves a hole.

20- Interview with the Vampire Fun fact, I looked like Pitt’s Louis when I was a young man in the goth scene.

21- Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure “Be excellent to each other!” “Party on, dudes!” *air guitar*

22- The Seventh Seal See? This list has its high points.

23- Revolutionary Girl Utena Note: Read the entire manga, watch the entire anime series, and read Adolescence of Utena BEFORE watching this or you’ll be left confused. Dazzled but confused.

24- The Nightmare Before Christmas So good I got the tarot deck.

25- The Last Unicorn It’s still a damn shame they never made that live action remake. Christopher Lee was set to reprise King Haggard.

26- Chasing Amy Honestly changed my life.

27- Excalibur It’s weird though how they’re always in armor. Wedding? Armor. Dinner? Armor. Deathbed? Armor.

28- Ginger Snaps A cut above any other werewolf movie I’ve seen.

29- Top Secret! My sense of humor distilled.

30- Clash of the Titans (Harryhousen) Yeah it’s dry but then there’s the monsters.

31- Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life People are not wearing enough hats.

32- Shadow of the Vampire Nosferatu nearly made this list but it’s hard to pinpoint a definitive cut. Try instead this film about the making of Nosferatu with an actual vampire as the vampire.

33- Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust Look, we as a culture had the unfortunate experience of Twilight. This is the same premise but actually good.

34- The Last Supper This film challenged and changed me as a young man more so than any other work of art.

35- The Princess Bride The perfect film, but I’ve seen it so much it’s down at 35 now.

36- Blazing Saddles What can I as a white guy say? Just watch the movie.

37- Streets of Fire Always suspicious to me how Final Fight premiered within a year of this movie.

38- Gremlins More Christmas havok. Yum?

39- The Beastmaster Forgotten and underappreciated.

40- Ladyhawke A thing of beauty.

41- Willow C’mon. It’s Willow. I have nothing to justify here.

42- Speed Racer I know you heard it’s bad but hear me out: it is the strongest narrative I’ve ever seen on film and it’s exactly the way you played with your toy cars when you were little.

43- Angelheart You’re supposed to know that de Niro is Lucifer. The rest is mystery and the final reveal set up a trope that’s been done into the ground nowadays.

44- The Hunger More atmosphere than plot, but hey, vampire Bowie!

45- Zoolander My partner’s favorite.

46- Faust (Murnau) You will be shocked to see what was possible to achieve in film in 1926.

47- A Muppet Christmas Carol but a cut that includes the fiance’s song This finishes out my traditional Christmas films.

48- Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein Y’know, I’ve got two Branagh films on here and neither are what you would expect given his catalog. The other one’s Thor for crying out loud.

49- Highlander I noticed in recent editions of Vampire: the Masquerade that it’s still possible in that game to hide a katana in a trenchcoat. This movie is why.

50- The Name of the Rose One of only a few instances where I prefer the film to the book. That book loooooong.

51- Robocop (1987) Of all the damn science fiction, why must we be in Robocop?

52- The Prophecy Now we’re getting into films I demoted since the last time I updated this list. This film’s a slow burn unless you get turned up for angels and Christopher Walken like I do.

53- The Warriors Would be higher if the opening wasn’t so slow.

54- Legend Tim Curry kills it as Darkness.

55- Black Panther Objectively the best superhero movie and the Academy backs me on that one.

56- Wonder Woman I do wish they’d trot out Vandal Savage as a Wonder Woman villain.

57- Captain America: The Winter Soldier Just rewatched this one earlier! It is heavily marked by the height of the War on Terror.

58- Blade The ancestor of all modern superhero movies and a solid vampire flick to boot.

59- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Nostalgic for me? Maybe, but I hold that this is the first comic film worth a damn because they stuck with the comics when they wrote it.

60- Captain America: the First Avenger This movie is a real test of character. If someone doesn’t like Cap it’s because they think goodness is unrealistic.

61- Four Rooms Really just rooms 3 and 4.

62- Reservoir Dogs Hey, two Tim Roth films in a row!

63- Event Horizon Do you see?

64- What Dreams May Come Kind of an emotional ringer, especially after William’s death.

65- Monty Python and the Holy Grail Have I watched it into the ground? Yes. Is it still hilarious? Yes, and it gets funnier the more you study Arthurian myth.

66- Pulp Fiction I’m kinda over this now.

67- The Crow People who liked the comic passionately disagree with me but I still like this one.

68- Akira Still.

69- Ghost in the Shell Still, though the farther you get from 13 the less titties you need in your art.

70- Beetlejuice Why not? Let's just tack this on there.

Honorable Mentions:

Fight Club A suburb film but one I grew out of, as should everyone. If you meet a man who’s passionate about Fight Club, run!

American Psycho Ditto. I grew out of this but it’s still excellent.

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape A horrible caricature of my brother’s life. I don’t get along with my brother any more.

Rocky Horror Picture Show Not actually a good film if you watch it straight with no commentary. Still, it’s a cornerstone of queer culture.

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 Of all the superhero films, this is the one that resonated with me the most. I was in a weird place at the time. It still resonates with me now because I’m a foster dad.

[scarlettwitcher]

Baby Girl Chapter Three

Summary: Y/n tried to avoid her past with a certain Statesmen but when they’re partnered back up for a mission that could cost millions their lives, Y/n must make the right choice. (This is the Kingsman: The Golden Circle movie basically in writing with reader insert. I recommend watching the movie, it’s amazing! It’s on Amazon Prime Video.)

Characters: Agent Whiskey x Agent Gin(Y/n), Tequila, Ginger Ale, Eggsy, Merlin, Champ, Harry, mentions of Poppy, Charlie, and Clara 

Word Count: 5,168

Warnings: angst, really bad insults, fluff, SMUT, unprotected p in v, oral(female receiving), cursing, that’s it, i think.

Author’s Note: This is what started everything. I wanted to write this scene in general ever since i watched the movie, and then it just progressed to me writing this series so enjoy! Shoutout to my lovely @giftofdreams​ for being an amazing beta! I do need a few betas for a few fics i have, if you’re open to help, send me a message please! As always, thanks for reading and feedback is always welcome/needed.

Previously...

Whiskey knew exactly what Champ meant and he sighed, nodding his head. "I'll try Champ." 

"I'm serious Whiskey. That girl has been trying hard to recover. She may be young but she has a big heart." Whiskey nodded as he waved his goodbye, hanging up the call. He was relieved at finally having some time to talk to you, even if it wasn’t alone. Who knew this would be the start of a long, long roller coaster.

Now...

Soon as promised, he appeared in his jet, picking you and Eggsy up, flying you both to where his girlfriend was so you could get your passes to the festival. The whole plane ride you locked yourself into your room, ignoring Whiskey’s occasional knocks on your door. “Darling, talk to me.”

A few hours later, another knock filled the silence. “Sugar, please.” Of course, you ignored it. “You can’t be in there forever baby girl.” 

You ignored every one of his advances and you tried even harder to ignore the pet names. Once upon a time, his words would melt you and make you feel like you were the only one in his eyes. Driving up to where Tilde was staying, you sat in the back, watching the scenery pass by as your hair flowing in the air. Whiskey’s eyes kept glancing back at you in the rearview mirror. He didn’t know how you could be more beautiful than you were but here you were, taking his breath away as you always did. Stopping in front of the house, Eggsy jumped out of the car and ran inside leaving you alone with Whiskey. He cleared his throat as he patted the passenger side chair. “Come up here with me darlin.”

You laughed humorlessly as you shook your head. “In your dreams sugar.” He knew you said that condescendingly and he huffed in annoyance. 

“Sweetheart, you have to talk to me at some point. We’re on this mission together.”

“Then I’ll only talk to you about the mission.” Whiskey rolled his eyes as he half turned in his seat, watching you. You felt like his gaze could burn through you and you wiggled, feeling a tad bit uncomfortable. 

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what, darlin?”

“Like you want me. We both know it ain’t true.” You mumbled quietly looking away from him. He felt his next words die in his throat as he tried to think of something nice to say. He really didn’t know the extent of the pain he caused you. Sure, you were in your early twenties and you were considered immature by most but you knew what you felt for the cowboy was real. Whiskey sighed and turned back around before honking a couple of times, alerting the butler nearby. You watched as he neared the car and Whiskey waved him away, mumbling his apologies. A few minutes later, Eggsy appeared with a few bands in his hand. “Got the passes from my contact. You're gonna love Glastonbury.”

“Well, that's the easy part, kid. Take a look in the glove box.” Eggsy popped the glove box open and looked inside, pulling out a tiny container. He opened it and you swore he wanted to laugh. He looked at what looked like a minuscule condom. You remember feeling the same when it was introduced to you. “Fucking hell, bruv. Thought everything was supposed to be bigger in America. Is this why you overcompensate with these massive cars?” 

Whiskey chuckled, pushing his glasses back up his nose, as he leaned in, holding his finger up to Eggsy. Whiskey was about to explain its use but you decided to butt in. You leaned in between the two, giving your shoulder’s back to Whiskey as you looked up at Eggsy. “Goes on your finger. The surveillance tracker is in the tip. Apply light pressure for three seconds to release it.” 

Your scent quickly invaded all of Whiskey’s senses and it took everything for him to not moan. You smelled sweet, just like he remembered. He was so tempted to reach out and touch your skin, seeing if the way he remembered it was the same or if it was better. “Nice, bruv.” You giggled at his slang and your laugh snapped Whiskey out of his thoughts. He cleared his throat and you sat back as Whiskey drove off in the direction of the festival. You spent the car ride talking to Eggsy as much as you could, ignoring a simmering Whiskey. You made it a point to ignore him and it didn’t take long for Eggsy to catch on.

From the moment you arrived, you were overwhelmed with the people, smells, and the music. Considering you entered the agency at a very young age, you didn’t experience a lot of the “life things”. You didn’t have the typical years any teenager did. Both your parents were Statesmen and they raised you in hopes you would become one too. 

Whiskey noticed your excitement as you slipped on your band and he couldn’t help but smile. You were adorable. You walked amongst the people in between Whiskey and Eggsy as he started talking. “Okay, so according to her Instagram feed… Charlie's ex-girlfriend is up ahead at the VIP bar. Which one of us is gonna plant the tracker?”

You came up to the V.I.P entrance where several tents surrounded a large bar. The security guard stopped the three of you, motioning to his wrist. “Bands, please. You’re good.” You passed him with ease as you continued your walk into the area.

“I say we both make an approach. Whoever gets on best, goes for it.” You visibly stiffened at this, not happy with what could happen. Both Whiskey and Eggsy noticed your immediate discomfort but neither said anything. You weren’t included because from research, you were able to conclude she was straight and you wouldn’t be able to woo her. 

Eggsy cleared his throat before shaking his head slightly. It didn’t take a genius to figure out you and Whiskey had a past, especially after he noticed your behavior in the car. “Well, it doesn't have to be a competition, bruv. Why don't we just go up to her… shake her hand, pat her on the back, whatever, you know. Job well done.” You commended Eggsy for his kindness. You hadn’t known the brit for very long at all but you took a liking to him and he to you. 

“The hand is not a mucus membrane, Eggsy. Neither is the back. They teach you anything at Kingsman?” Whiskey found it amusing that Eggsy hadn’t caught on to how the tracker was applied and he shook his head. You kept your head down, trying not to call attention to yourself. Whiskey noticed how guarded you had become and he wished he didn’t have to take a stab at sleeping with the target. He had just gotten the opportunity to be around you again and he knew this would make everything worse. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Our trackers are designed to enter the bloodstream. They circulate harmlessly, providing full audio and GPS.” As Whiskey explained, he made a hand motion with two fingers and for a second, you forgot you were angry with him, remembering how undone you became on his fingers the first time you slept together. Your mouth watered and you felt your underwear dampen at the memories of what happened between the two of you. Eggsy was in a whole other world as he finally started to connect the dots. He held up one of his fingers in question.

“Mucus membrane. That's like up the nose, isn't it? What the fuck am I gonna do? Stick my finger… It's not just inside the nose, is it?” Whiskey spotted the target and he kept his eyes on her. You noticed and you quickly switched from aroused to feeling nauseous. You mumbled quietly about how you needed a drink, making your way to the other side of the bar. You had to keep your eyes on the target in case anything could happen. 

“No, Eggsy, it ain't.” Whiskey watched you leave and he sighed, feeling tense about the whole situation.

“Fuck.”

“All right, I'll take the first crack. Watch and learn, buddy.” Whiskey took a chug of his small flask before he was stopped by Eggsy’s hand on his shoulder. 

“Are you sure about that bruv?” Eggsy nodded his head towards you. Whiskey glanced in your direction and sighed as he shook his head. He knew if he was the one who had to place the tracker, things would worsen with you.

“No, I’m not but I have to give it a try, no matter how bad it might go.” Whiskey took another sip as he winked at Eggsy. Eggsy just clicked his tongue, shaking his head. He caught on quick that he was going to make the target reject him on purpose for your sake. 

“Good luck.”

Whiskey walked over to Clara with a cool swagger to him. You watched him as you downed another shot. “Miss, I beg your pardon. Now, I don't wanna pester you, but I just have to know, what time are you playing?” Because of the comms that you were wearing, you could hear everything and you couldn’t help but cringe at his words.

“Pretty little thing like you come here often?” You had had a hard mission that involved kids and Whiskey found you at a bar, drinking your pain away. You smiled tightly as you ordered another shot, signalling the bartender to prepare one for Whiskey.

“Only when I want to forget.” Whiskey chuckled quietly, drinking the shot quick, hissing from the burn.

“You and me both sweetheart. You and me both.” You looked over at him and it was at that moment that you knew. You were in love with him.

You knocked back another shot as you tried to shake the memories out of your head. You weren’t worried about getting drunk anytime soon. Working somewhere like Statesman, you built a huge tolerance for alcohol. 

“I'm not in a band.” Clara grabbed her head in embarrassment. “Oh, God. Who did you think I was? Please don't say someone ghastly.” Her voice echoed through your comms and you downed two more shots.

“I’m sure she plays for Hozi-dead. I mean, geez, sweetpea, go outside.” You heard Eggsy snort and chuckle into the comms as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fucking hell Gin.” You held up a shot in his direction before downing it, letting out a quiet hiss from the burn. 

Whiskey wanted to laugh and he had to hide it with a cough as he listened to your sweet voice. He loved it when you were jealous. That’s what he hoped you were. If you were jealous, then there was the sliver of a chance he could fix things. “God damn it, now I feel like a fool. I just assumed that a woman with your charisma…” You felt your insides turn and feel like lava as you took another shot. “Well, she just had to be somebody.” Even though you recovered, even though you swore to not fall for it again, even though you trained yourself to be better, within a few minutes of listening to Whiskey, you were falling back into the same hole that was loving him.

“Right. Thank you.” You downed your last two shots before talking into the comms. 

“I think I’m going to go watch some shows, I’ll see you boys later at our tent.” Without waiting for a response, you disconnected your comm and tracker, leaving them on the bar counter, needing some alone time to think. Whiskey wanted to tell you to stay, to just give him a few minutes but he couldn’t, not with Clara staring so intensely at him. He looked away in the direction where you were and took a deep breath.

“No, it's okay. I know you didn't mean to make me feel like a dumbass. So I'll let you make it up to me by letting me buy you a drink.” Whiskey snapped his fingers at the bartender trying to get his attention. Clara watched unamused. 

She raised her finger as she spoke. “Follow my finger.”

Clara swiped her fingers a few times to the left. Whiskey followed her finger every time before he chuckled and raised his eyebrow in confusion. “What are we doing?”

“Swiping to the left. What, you don't do Tinder in America?”

“Tinder what?”

Eggsy finally approached the pair as he nodded. “Do you know, I think it's probably a generational thing. It translates as "Go away, old man." Whiskey cleared his throat as he filled his mind with thoughts of you to keep his cool and not punch Eggsy.

“Be good, be cool. Bye.” Whiskey took another sip of his flask as he walked out of the V.I.P. area in search of you. He knew it was probably not going to work but he flipped out his phone, pulling up your name. He smiled fondly at the picture he had as your contact, He took it the night you slept together. You were asleep on his chest, resting your head on his heart with your hair flowing across your back. He had his arm wrapped around you possessively. The angle was perfect and he took a picture, a selfie of the both of you, in remembrance. He had taken many pictures of you that night but that was his favorite. He thought back to the countless times he would look back at your photos, staring at the ones he had of you sleeping, of you riding him, of you laying naked and stretched out on his bed. You drove him crazy.

He shot you a quick text, watching for a few minutes, waiting for the read sign to pop up. Fortunately, it did and so did the little bubble indicating you were responding. He felt his mouth go dry and he couldn’t remember a time he felt this nervous. A few minutes later and a message from you appeared on his phone but it wasn’t something he wanted to see.

8:01 PM - Whiskey - Sweetheart, where are you? 

8:13 PM - Gin - Isn’t trying to apply the tracker more important than where I am?

8:14 PM - Whiskey - Baby girl, please. Eggsy is the one placing the tracker on Clara. I just want to talk. 

Whiskey sighed angrily through his nose as he responded back immediately. You opened the message and you could feel the sincerity. The one thing that Whiskey has only ever reserved for you was babygirl. You used it all the time and so did a lot of the agents but Whiskey never did. He had only ever used it with you. It was too intimate for him. You bit your lip as you stared at your phone. 

8:22 PM - Gin - I need some time J

8:23 PM - Whiskey - I’ll be waiting baby girl

Whiskey sighed as he read your text and decided to wait for you at your tent. He walked in, looking around before deciding to sit down on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his chin in between his hands. He didn’t blame you for the way you were acting. Hell, he was expecting worse but he wanted to show you he had changed. He wanted you to see he wanted you. He had asked for a transfer back to the Kentucky offices a few months ago but he was denied by Champ because of you. Requesting again, Champ said he needed your approval to make the transfer. Whiskey knew it was going to be hard but he wanted to fight for you. 

Glancing at his watch after a few hours, Whiskey noticed it was going to be close to midnight. He was starting to get worried. He knew he couldn’t get a hold of you so he waited. A few minutes later, the tent door slowly opened and you stepped into the tent. Whiskey stopped his pacing, his head snapping up to meet your eyes. You stood there timidly as you tried to gather your thoughts. You had spent the last few hours trying to get Whiskey out of your head but you couldn’t. You thought you were ready to confront him but seeing him now, every logical argument you had was thrown out the window. 

Whiskey felt his heart pump with adrenaline as he made his way over to you, hugging you tightly, holding you as hard as he could. You gave in and wrapped your arms around him as he kissed your head. “I’m so sorry baby girl. I’m so sorry. Fuck, I was so worried.” You took a shaky breath against his chest and you were overwhelmed with his scent. He smelled exactly like you remembered. Leather, Whiskey, and some cheap but surprisingly sweet-smelling cologne. He rested his face on the top of your head, inhaling you and surrounding himself with all that was you. 

“Whiskey w-wait.” You were overwhelmed. You pushed Whiskey away as you took a deep breath, wrapping your arms around yourself, feeling vulnerable. “You can’t just say sorry and expect everything to be okay, not after everything you did.”

“I know, baby, I know. But you gotta let me try to fix things. You gotta let me show you.”

“I know enough to know that people don’t change.”

“Gin, I haven't touched a girl in months, since I went to New York.” You took a shaky breath at this and you felt your lip tremble. Whiskey had left for New York a year and a half ago and it shocked you. “You’re all I think about. Your smile, your scent, your laugh, your stupid jokes. The way you moan my name and call me those sweet, sweet things. The way your skin is so soft and the way you say you’re mine. I miss you.” Whiskey slowly started to walk towards you, cornering you between him and the wall. “Champ told me to not try anything but I just, you make me weak, baby.” 

“Why wait until now?” Whiskey chuckled as he dragged a hand down his face in frustration.

“Baby girl, you wouldn’t answer my calls or texts and when I was in Kentucky, you wouldn’t let me near you. I tried.” You chewed your lip guiltily. He moved closer until he was inches away from you. He reached up gently, cupping your cheek with one hand, and he moved his other to hold onto your hip. He was holding on hard and you knew you would have bruises in the morning. He dragged his thumb against your lip so gently as if you’d break under his hold. Your eyes watered and you looked up at him with all the emotions you kept away. He reached up with his thumb to brush away your tears. You wanted to move. Every part of your body screamed for you to leave, to not give in but your heart was saying you needed to stay in his arms. You believed he had changed and you hoped with every fibre of your being you were right. 

Whiskey tilted your head up to look at him as he leaned in and brushed his lips against yours. “Tell me to stop and I will baby girl. Because if you don’t, I won’t hold back. I can't. I crave you too much." He didn't kiss your lips but made his way down, kissing down your jaw. He moved towards your neck, acting quickly to mark you as his. Once he pulled away, there was a large purple hickey on your skin. He kissed down your shoulders, marking and biting you as much as he could. "I've missed your skin." 

You whimpered under his touch as you closed your eyes tightly, letting his mouth overwhelm you. You moaned quietly. "J-jack." Whiskey groaned his approval before kissing his way back up to your lips. He kissed you roughly, tangling his hand into your hair, as he held you against him. He moved his hands down your body until they got to your ass. He squeezed hard, pulling you up by your thighs to wrap around his waist. You happily obliged, wrapping your arms around his neck as he carried you to the bed. 

"I fucking missed you, darling." He moved to lay you down on the bed, caressing you as he hovered over you, looking down at you, searching for anything to tell him you didn't want this, that you didn't want him. All he saw in your eyes was your love for him. He moved his hand to your shirt and pulled it off as he inhaled sharply. He would never get tired of seeing you. "You're so beautiful, baby." He slowly unhooked your bra, tossing it across the room before leaning down and taking one of your nipples into his mouth. You whimpered under him, moving one of your hands into his hair as he sucked hard, biting your nipple and pulling back, letting it fall. He did the same with your other breast, teasing you. He kissed around your skin, leaving dark marks wherever he could. He pulled a couple of giggles from your lips as his mustache tickled your skin. He smiled against you. 

You reached up to tug on his shirt. You needed to feel his skin against yours. Whiskey immediately obliged and took off his leather jacket, draping it on a chair nearby as he started to unbutton his shirt, slowly revealing his dark, tanned skin that you loved so much. You sat up, peppering his skin with kisses before licking from his lower abdomen up to his chest, pulling a growl from him as he pinned you down by your wrists. He held them over your head with one hand as he used the other to cup your cheek gently, admiring all of your features. You blushed under his intense gaze, looking away from him. "Don't look away from me ever again, baby girl." You whimpered as you returned your gaze to him, seeing the lust building in his eyes. 

Whiskey reached down to your small, booty shorts that you chose to wear for the festival, unbuttoning them. He was impatient and he moved his hand quickly inside them, rubbing you over your panties. You gasped and slowly rocked your hips against him as he growled lowly from his chest. "So fucking wet. Is all that for me baby girl?" 

"Y-yes Jack… always thinking of you." 

"Fuck baby." You closed your eyes tightly as you arched your back. He brushed his fingers over your clit and you were a mess. He watched you in complete amazement. This was better than he remembered. He let go of your hands, moving his way down your body before getting to your shorts, pulling them off roughly with your panties. He spread your legs wide, staring at your soaking wet cunt and he moaned. "You have the prettiest pussy I've ever seen, princess. Fucking beautiful." Whiskey dragged a finger from your clit to your hole and you moaned softly. It should've embarrassed you how open and bare you were for him but you craved the attention he was giving you. 

Whiskey got impatient and leaned forward, attaching his lips to your clit before sucking roughly, groaning at your state. He was everywhere and you couldn't catch up. He was eating you out like a starved man. Soon, his tongue was joined by two of his fingers pumping into your pussy. He moaned as he sucked your arousal, pulling off with a loud slurp. That made you blush intensely. "Taste fucking better than I remember." Whiskey was very hard in his jeans and it was starting to hurt. He reached down, unbuckling his belt and his jeans, letting some relief get to him as he continued to suck your cunt like he wouldn't ever again. He didn't relent and you knew he wouldn't until you came. It really didn't take long as he inserted a third finger, pumping quick and rough into your pussy, your arousal coating your thighs. With one last suck on your clit, your body was surrounded with waves of pleasure. You cried out Whiskey's name as he didn't relent, sucking even harder, drinking all of your arousal up. You twitched from the over sensitivity, trying to pull Whiskey off of you. 

"J-jack, hold o-on." Whiskey laughed as he relented and kissed his way back up to your lips. 

"Sorry baby girl. You know I love your pussy. Always get lost in it." You kissed him affectionately as you pushed him to stand, crawling down the bed until you got the edge and you moved down to your knees. You finished unzipping his jeans, tugging them down, releasing his impressive length. "Baby, you don't hav- ah fuck!" You didn't let Whiskey finish as you took his length into your mouth, pushing to take him all the way. You were a bit more than half ways before his cock hit the back of your throat. You suppressed your gags as you pushed to take all of his length. His hand came down to your hair, holding you in place as you choked on his cock. Your eyes watered and you felt the tears fall down your cheek as you pulled back with a loud gasp. You panted as you took his cock in your hand, pumping his shaft as you caught your breath. Whiskey's head fell back from the pleasure, moaning out, feeling like he was getting too close for his liking. You were going to take him back into your mouth but he stopped you. "Baby girl, I'm way too close and I'd like to finish inside of you." 

You whined as he lifted you back onto the bed, his body covering yours seconds later. He pumped his cock a few times before lining himself up with your entrance. He looked into your eyes wanting reassurance before slowly pushing into you, the room full of your pants and moans. He slipped all the way in, staying still so you could get used to him. He peppered your face with kisses, leaving you a giggling mess. "Jack, move p-please." 

Whiskey complied and pulled back, leaving only the head of his cock inside of you before thrusting back roughly. Soon, he found a rhythm and he was pounding into you. He moved one of his hands down to your thigh, holding you possessively as he pulled your leg up to wrap around his hip. You let him take charge of your body, as he thrust over and over, filling you up like no one else could. "So tight princess. So." With every word he said, he thrusted harder and harder into you. "Fucking. Tight." You cried out in pleasure, raking your fingers down his back, long red strips coloring his skin. Whiskey let his face fall against your shoulder as he started to falter in his rhythm, getting close to his climax. He reached between your bodies, rubbing your clit, wanting you to cum first. "Come on baby, cum for me. I know you can." 

Your body jerked at the sudden increase of pleasure and you moaned like a whore being fucked at church. You wrapped your arms tightly around him, feeling every breath he took, every moan that vibrated through his chest. You felt every word he spoke to you and you felt what you did to him. You felt safe in his arms. This was where you always had belonged, with Whiskey, in his embrace. Before you could even prepare, your orgasm hit you harder than you could've expected. Your body was on fire as every thrust heightened your pleasure, sending you to a new heaven. Whiskey moved both hands to either side of your face as he held himself above you, his muscles clenching. He knew he was about to cum and he needed his strength to not fall on you. "Fuck, baby, I'm gonna c- Fuck, I love you, baby girl!" A few more thrusts inside your tight entrance and he was cumming, filling you with his thick seed. 

You laid there, frozen and in shock but it had nothing to do with him releasing inside of you. It was the words he cried into your ear as he came. He panted heavily, trying to catch his breath as he hovered over you. You pulled him into you, loving the weight of him on top of you. You felt his rapid beating heart matching yours. You laid there in blissed silence. After you both had finally calmed down and Whiskey let his fingers roam all over your skin, you found the courage to speak, or in this case, whisper. "Did you mean it?"

"Mean what darling?"

"Do you love me?" Whiskey stiffened for a second before relaxing and turning to look at you. You looked so radiant under the candlelight of the tent and he wondered just how he could be so lucky. After losing his first love, he swore he wouldn't love another. He didn't deserve to. That's what he said to himself every day until he met you. You were his second chance at a good life. He dragged his finger gently across your forehead to your nose and then to your lips, rubbing his thumb across your bottom lip. He plopped himself up with his other arm and pulled you under him as he nudged his nose against your cheek, inhaling and humming quietly. Your scents were mixed perfectly and he loved how he could scent his cologne on your skin. 

"Yes. I’ll love you until the cows come home. You're all I want, baby girl." You felt your heart soar and you pulled him down for a sweet kiss. You poured all of your love into it. You weren't prepared to say it back just yet but you knew he knew. Whiskey knew you loved him and you didn't need to say it. He slowly kissed down your jaw, covering every inch of your skin with a kiss. It didn't take long for him to harden and for round two to commence. All night, you made love in the tent until the morning. 

You were exhausted after the many sessions you both had and you were asleep, tucked into Whiskey's side. His arm was wrapped protectively around you, holding you tightly against him. You didn't expect this side to him but you loved it. You slowly stirred in your quiet slumber, knowing you had to return to the agency to prepare for anything to appear for the mission. You felt a heavyweight against your hip and you smiled, remembering everything from the night before. You never expected things to go this way but you were happy. You turned in his hold for a little, and watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful, like all the worries that weighed heavy on his shoulders were gone. You loved seeing him like this and you silently vowed to yourself to try and help him feel like that more often. You leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before deciding to get up for the day. It was going to be a long day and you felt it in your bones.

Forever Tags: @iwantthedean @authoressskr @sorenmarie87 @reigningqueenofwords @goldenolaf25 @giftofdreams @winchesterprincessbride @chelsea072498 @kitchenwitchsuperwhovian @itakeawfultoawholenewlevel @fictionalabyss @gabby913 @angelkurenai @sea040561 @sleepylunarwolf @smoothdogsgirl @carryonmyswansong @feelmyroarrrr @evyiione @sofreddie @sis-tafics @nitelotus @trexrambling  @manawhaat @mermaidxatxheart @winchest09 @ellen-reincarnated1967​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @just-another-busy-fangirl​ @lovebodymindstuff​ @backseat-of-deans-67chevy​ @chook007​ @akshi8278​ @evansrogerskitten​ @bringmesomepie56​ @persephonehemingway​ @blacktithe7​ @donnaintx​ @queenxxxsupreme​ @whitewolfandthefox​ @riviawitch3r​

Agent Whiskey Tags: @thesadvampire​ @le-roman-rose @mcudisiac​ @someone-take-my-bagelseverywhere​ @chibi-liz05​ @marvel-avengers01​ @themandjalorian​ @floccodineveautunnale @jassiepoohbear @gollyderek​ @retrobhaddie​ @wolf-lover74​ @paryl​ @laubeck10​ @ithinkwehitametaphor​ @wizard-b1tch​ @domino-oh-damn​ @c-ly-g​ @rosamedina92​ @sunshinepascal​ @ariespedro​ @libellule2001​ @ohpedromypedro​ @two-unbeatable-beaters​ 

Tags I think would be interested(please don’t hate): @spacegayofficial​ @ariasfandom​ @lannister-slings-and-arrows​ @sendhoots​ @stevieharrrr​ @dindjarindiaries​ @hiscyarika​ @qveenbvtch​ @forever-rogue​ @jimmythegirl​  @catfishingmorales​ @generaldamneron​ @cptnbvcks​ @swhiskeys​ @honeychicanawrites​ @scribbledghost​ @thepascalorian​ @ladydahliawrites​ @roboboyjinx-writes​ @zeldasayer​ @damerondjarin​ @aint-that-a-mcfreakin-bitch​ @aerynwrites​ @mandadoration​  @absurdthirst​ @huliabitch​  @gryffindorwriter​ @ghostofthebarricade​ @astrolo-galaxy​ @siempre-pedro​ @cherryplasmids​ @madadlorian​ @sithlordmando​ @bubble-tea-bunny​ @beskars​ @longitud-de-onda​ @archieimagines​ @outfatuating​ @lesqui​ @inknopewetrust​ @menacingmandalorian​ @softpedropascal​ @pascalisthepunkest​ @swimmingbyrd​ @buckyodinson​ @everstarry​  @naivesansa​ @waywardodysseys​ @paniclana​ @tiffdawg​ @siempre-pedro​ @fandom-imagines-stories​ @umbrellasandlassos​ @kingsmanstories​ @bucks-angels​ @the-real-xhorse​

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter�� but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #397

“you’re my religion, you’re my reason to live  /  you are the heaven in my hell”

Do you think that you’ll always love who you love now? Even if we're never together again romantically, I will ALWAYS love her at least as a best friend. Have you ever made out with a random person? Yeah, no. If you could do your first kiss over, would you? No. I'm lucky that my first kiss was honestly cute as hell. Do you like your country’s president or prime minister? Well I voted for him, so I obviously can't hate him. He seems to be doing fine so far, though take that with a grain of salt seeing as I don't keep up with politics. Even before voting for him, I just did a small bit of researching on his values. What color is your house? Yellow with white accents. Do you listen to Christmas music during the holiday season? No, I don't enjoy it. Man, Jason's mom sure did, though... I loved how in the spirit she'd get and always played Christmas music in the car during that time of year. I miss that woman and I sure as hell hope she rests easy now. Do you like ginger ale? Solely if I have a stomach bug, and I can only ever sip it. What are you listening to? "Electric Sugar Pop" by Jeffree Star. What’s the last thing you watched on TV? The TMS office has the TV on, and the woman who overlooks it (I have zero idea what her position is called) tends to have it either on a cooking channel or a home improvement one. Today was a cooking one. Is your favorite author the author of your favorite book? I don't have a favorite author. Describe someone you find really attractive: M-Mark Fischbach. *___* If you HAD to look like someone else, but could choose who, who would you choose? Hm... maybe my friend Alon. I've mentioned I feel like a million times that she is like, ethereal with how gorgeous she is. Have you ever seen someone get a tattoo done? If so, what was it? Did they cry or were they in a lot of pain? Yeah; it was a watercolor feather with "ohana" written below it. She didn't cry at all, but she grit her teeth a few times. Do you have anything you couldn’t go a day without? Some form of technology. Have you ever gotten caught doing something illegal? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Vitamin Water? I don't even think I've ever tried it. Is there someone you wanna date right now? Yeah. What first attracted you to the last person you kissed? If we're talking the very first, our vast similar interests. How many brothers does your father have? None. Does your best friend have any tattoos? No. Do you like Ben + Jerry’s? Yep. Man, I want their Phish Food ice cream now. Would you ever wish to be the opposite sex? Nah. Do you think you’re attractive? Nope. What is your favorite card game to play? Magic: The Gathering. I really miss my PS3 where I had Duel of the Planeswalkers installed on it, it was really fun. Do you own a globe? I don't think we still do. What is your favorite wild cat? Perhaps clouded leopards. If your bedroom had three portals to anywhere, where would they lead? South Africa, Sara's place, and maybe a nice little cabin in the mountains for when I'm feeling a peaceful getaway. You can ask any author one question about their story. What do you ask? I have zero idea. What’s a place you have a strong emotional connection to? The pond behind the local community college. Jason and I took our first prom pictures there. Do you take yoga classes? No, but I'm actually considering it since they offer those at the YMCA Mom and I now go to. What is a decision you’ve made that changed your entire life? To let Jason go. It's pretty great, my PTSD has been less of a bother lately! Have you ever made any money from a side-hustle? Could you consider being paid to take pictures once in a blue moon a "side hustle" when I don't even have a main job? Do you ever wonder what kind of person you’d have turned out to be if a certain event never happened to you? Ugh... it's incredibly painful to wonder how life would be if Jason never left. If you could have anyone’s singing voice, whose would you choose? Adele's or Amy Lee's, probs. What are your top 3 favorite genres of music? Metal, hard rock, alternative. Do you think Mars will be colonized in your lifetime? No. Have you ever been homeless? If so, what led to your homelessness? Technically, yes, because Mom couldn't afford the rent. She, my little sister (who still lived with us at the time), and I each were accepted into the homes of willing, kind people, though. Have you ever been on a ship? No. Who was Van Halen’s better singer - David Lee Roth, or Sammy Hagar? David. Which fictional character has the most memorable quotes? Heath Ledger's Joker is quoted all the time, so probably him. What do you think of the "Healthy At Every Size" movement/philosophy? Before I answer this, I want you to keep in mind that this is coming from someone who is obese, so I would positively love to agree with that for my own self-confidence, but I don't. I believe it's a very dangerous mentality. I think you should cherish your body unconditionally, like it's an amazing machine, but I firmly believe you should have an active interest in becoming what is physically healthy. You couldn't pay me millions to convince me that, say, a 300 lb. person is healthy. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I think my first *real* crush was this guy Sebastian my freshman year of high school. I thought he was very sweet, funny, caring, and attractiveness was a bonus. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Sashimi, caviar, raw eggs... Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? Bindi Irwin, for one. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Have you ever been bitten so hard that there teeth marks were there after? I mean I've had hickeys before if that's what you're asking. Ever gave one? Oh, I guess you were. Yeah. Do you think its weird if guys wear make-up like eyeliner? Not at all. Would you ever date a disabled person? (Be honest) Yes. Would you rather adopt or have your own child? IF I wanted kids, I'd rather have one myself because I'm well aware I personally need that special connection. Stepkids count, too, because they'd be my partner's and therefore very important for me too. What is the most personal question you have ever been asked? Probably TMI, so here's your fair warning, but I've been asked before if I "touch" myself and I was absolutely repulsed that someone would ask me that. Were you abused by your parents? No. If you’re not straight, who was the first person you came out to? Sara. Were you one of the smartest in your class? Up to finishing high school, modestly, I was. Where did you meet your first crush? Art class my freshman year of high school. Do you ever go places with wet hair? Yeah, idc. Who is your favorite little girl? My niece Aubree. She's such a wonderful girl. Does your best friend have kids? No. If you were pregnant, would you want a boy or a girl? Hypothetically, a girl. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? Um, maybe my older sister's house? Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Yes, including my mother. Twice. Are you allergic to any medications? None that I've tried. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have that. If you’re atheist, would you raise you kids believing in God or not? No; I wouldn't intervene with their own spiritual (or lack thereof) journey. They'd learn what they'd learn and decide themselves what they believe. Do you like reading self-help books? No, I just can't get invested in those. What is your opinion on sex change? If you're unhappy with your body, you're more than free to surgically change that with no judgment from me. Do you have any goals for this summer? If so, what are they? Yes, to lose weight. Can you get a strike at bowling? I have before. There was one occasion where my first go was a strike RIGHT after saying I sucked at bowling, hahaha. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Well, I photograph roadkill, and that's one hell of a sad moment. I actually wouldn't mind broadening my horizons of photographing negative moments (with permission of course), because I actually find these very impactful and even builds empathy. I will never, ever forget this one picture I saw sometime of an emaciated boy huddled in the dirt with a vulture close by watching him... like fuck, it made me want to sob. No one should ever have to live like that, especially a child. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. I know that sounds contradictory to what I just said, I just wouldn't be able to do it myself. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Once, when my last niece was born. I'm terrified of holding them because they're just so fragile. Do you know anyone who has twins? My friend just had triplets. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. Are you thriving in your life right now? BOY HOWDY- Do you remember to water plants? I don't keep plants. Name three YouTubers you aspire to be like. 1.) Markiplier in a vast plethora of ways; 2.) Jeffree Star for his incredible work ethic; and 3.) Shane Dawson for his incredible compassion. Yes. I know the controversy, but regardless, he cares a lot about people. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know, given I haven't read the books or seen the movies. Do you watch PewDiePie? Not anymore; his content doesn't interest me anymore. I watched him religiously back in the day when he was a serious let's player, though. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, not personally. I like watching LPs of it and I find the story fascinating, but it's not the kind of game I'd enjoy playing. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. I don't think I ever beat it, except maybe once. Are you wearing socks right now? No; unless I'm wearing closed-toe shoes like sneakers, I never do. I hate the feeling of them. Can you twerk? Haven't tried, don't wanna. Do you like dabbing? No, it looks stupid. Do you like fishing? I honestly do think it's fun with all the anticipation and thrill of seeing how big the fish is, however I don't support it anymore unless, like hunting, you genuinely need it for food. The only case where I'd go again was if my dad asked me, because that's always been our bonding experience. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes. Have you heard of Blizzard Entertainment? Well, they're the company behind World of Warcraft, so obviously. Do you like bananas? Yes, but only for a VERY short window of time. I am beyond picky with the ripeness of bananas. Are you addicted to anything? Caffeine and technology. Do you know your phone number? I actually don't. Do you swear in front of children? No.

[undead-notunreasonable]

So I remember you mentioned that you were bullied at school? So was I and I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently. What is it that happened to you then? Just curious- dw if you don’t wanna say

This is gonna be long... I’m pretty open with what happened to me when I was at school! So, I guess I was dealt the worst hand: ginger, skinny, Deaf. The problem is growing up, I always had a group of friends & would lose them, and honestly that happened to me recently, so I thought it was because of me when in reality it’s because people don’t get that if you’re deaf, your needs & worldview are SO much more different to that of an abled person & abled bodied people just don’t get it.

Primary school: I was part of the ‘popular’ crowd for quite some time & I never felt any different & I thought these group of girls were going to be my best friends forever. As we go older, things started to change, I was being included less & not being invited to much. Parents would tell their kids to not hang around the disabled kid. Literal grown adults. They even would constantly ask my Mum if she was feeding me or if I was ill because I was so small. My poor Mum. One time I stayed round a friends house for a sleepover & bare in mind we’re little kids we’re like 7? I had a teddy bear that I wouldn’t go ANYWHERE without so of course I brought it to the party. One girl spat her gum into my hair. Another hid my hearing aids. Another hid my teddy bear. They didn’t get in trouble but the Mum whose home it was, told me that I hid it & was playing up. Following morning, it was hot as hell so we had a water fight before our parents came to pick us up, but I couldn’t join it because I couldn’t get my hearing aids wet. Though, I did aim the running hose that everyone was using at one of the girls & she burst into tears, I stopped but the others continued. The Mum yet again blamed me. She told my Mum & my Mum was like “No, she wouldn’t have done that if someone said to stop. And she wouldn’t have put gum in her hair, hidden her bear, or hid her hearing aids.” Eventually they got older & they just outed me. Until I met another new girl who was SO tall & people were mean to her about her height, so I became her friend, and we became great friends! Until another new girl came in who was my friend but she didn’t like me much even though I didn’t do anything wrong. She convinced the tall one to abandon me just as we moved onto secondary school. Secondary school: We had like an introductory week at this school where we met all the other kids so we could at least know someone to hang out with. I was lucky, there was a girl I attended gymnastics with & so I spent the day with her but this one teacher put me with another girl who is a little person & the reason she kept putting me & her together was because “Well you both look similar & you’re disabled, so you’ll get on great.” which is SO fucking wrong. We tried to get on with each other but we just didn’t gel. We exchanged hi’s every so often but we later drifted. I managed to get back with the girl from gymnastics but she wasn’t in my class. I didn’t mind, I was looking forward to studying at a big school & I had friends in another class so it’s fine. Eventually the tall girl from primary & I became friends because the girl she went off with kicked her out of their friendship group & we stayed friends for 7 years. But, this was when Harry Potter movies were slowly coming towards their end (I think they’d released their 4th movie?) and so.. of course... being ginger... meant all the boys started calling me Weasley & Ginger Nut. One boy, used to pass me notes & honestly, I didn’t think it was bullying because I thought I’d actually made a friend in class because I get on well with guys, so I would pass insults back. It only later became bullying when that guy told his friends what he’d call me, they’d start throwing stuff at me when the teacher wasn’t looking. I tried to report it but the teacher didn’t care, told me to ignore it. Boys kept harassing me & so I took it to the vice principal. It happened SO often, literally every day for MONTHS no matter how many letters of apologies or detentions etc, that one day I went to her again for help & she just went “Holly, I’m too busy, deal with it yourself.” A new drama teacher came in and she saw that our class was pretty wild and she couldn’t figure out who was causing it. She asked me to take note in classes of everyone who got listed on detention boards & bring it back to her. Deaf people take things LITERALLY and so I LITERALLY wrote down their names as their names went on board. People started to notice & started cornering me & yelling in my face asking me why I was writing their names down. The teacher at the time in that building caught wind of it & asked me calmly why I was doing it. “Mrs Edwards asked me to.” was all I could stay & then later the Drama teacher explained that she meant mentally take note & that she was so sorry for any harm she’d caused. But this didn’t make me a popular person at all. Valentines were always filled with fake ones & pranks. People fake asking me out, even a friend gave me a card that was meant to be from my crush but it was made up. What didn’t help was that I was a big fan of the Twilight movies. Someone spread a rumour near prom that I was the head of Prom committee & that I was making it Twilight themed & this spread like wildfire. People would yell at me on the way to classes & spit at me “No one’s gonna fucking go to Prom if it’s TWILIGHT fucking themed!! You piece of fucking shit!!!” and I’d get messaged on my Facebook & MSM all night about how I’ve ruined everyones prom. I’d yell “Look at the fucking planners list that’s literally everywhere. I’m not even on it. I’m not even going.” and I really didn’t want to go, I wanted to stay in, in my pyjamas because I was so upset. One bully even cornered me before science class & got into my face, just screaming “You fucking ginger emo cunt! No one will ever fucking love you because you’re ginger & deaf!” and tried to shut us all out. I was in a rage & I managed to push open the door enough to kick him so hard in the shin & keep kicking. He never said a bad word to me again. But all my friends were going to prom & I wanted to go with them. So, I did. (And I wowed everyone there, all the bullies couldn’t believe it was me. I had my hair in a curled low bun, smoky eyeshadow, a black velvet bodiced dress, red jewelled choker round my throat, red silk skirt & arrived in an vintage car. It was vampy, it was gothy, but I looked good for the time. I even kissed my crush that night!) but a year down the line & all my girl friends said they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore because I just didn’t do anything. I was a tomboy, I wasn’t into shopping & getting nails done or clubbing. But they started doing things without me & stopped inviting me, stopped even considering me, so I plucked up the courage to ask why, they said I didn’t do anything, I said “Yeah, not the girly stuff but I would’ve loved to have gone to the movies & gone for dinner with you” and my best friend of 7 years said “I never even liked you anyway.” So I had no friends once more. College: I wasn’t so much bullied in college, other than you had you popular people & your dorky people but the friends I’d made of friends invited me to house parties & eventually down the years (what...5?) I found out between that time that they’d had a group chat on Whatsapp that I wasn’t a part of because it was a sex bet group. They would plot & wager who would convince me into bed first because I was the hot friend. I’m.. not hot. I’m okay. But still. They’d had a big bet on me. I found out & I was livid. I yelled at them & they told me I was being childish about it. So I broke away. I kept a few that I knew weren’t on the chat close. I introduced an old school friend to them & well... he was dating four of them, sleeping with them, then telling them he had to be somewhere else but was sleeping with someone else of the quartet. This all got out & EVERYONE fell apart. I felt so guilty because I’d introduced him but someone assured it wasn’t my fault. Adulthood: Then this year, I lost them all because I yelled at one guy who kept treating me like SHIT & I’d told him to back off. Everyone yelled at me, called me childish, and took his side. People who love calling out toxic & abusive behaviour, telling each other to not talk to someone because of this or that. That’s childish. He and I are working things about but it’ll never be the same. The only friend I had left really upset me when we both discussed about going to this little holiday hut I’d found & I got all excited. She knew I’d fallen out with my group of friends so I said “I don’t have anyone I can invite that can join us” and then she said “I know a few from uni who can come” and then booked it but... didn’t book it for me at all. She said “I can’t wait to go next year with my best friends, it’s gonna be so nice to spend a weekend with them” so I broke things off with her. Like, I found the place, we agreed to go together, we got excited, and then... you just dropped me.  So all in all, yeah I’ve been bullied. I don’t have any physical friends anymore, I just have internet friends & I suppose I’m not built for people. I have a few internet friends though, so I’m not entirely alone. But I don’t date for the same reasons, also because of what that one bully said & all the fake Valentines. I’m sorry what happened to you is playing on your mind but honestly, it’s really for the best for you to try & move forward, yes, the memories will be there, but its YOU who decides how you go about your life, how YOU look after yourself, not the past. You are who you are, and you’re wonderful, I’m sure. Except if you’re a terf or a racist but that’s something else.

[themostexpensiveboningknife]

2020

Failed party, money in drawer, communicate, move house, move boxes, drive in van, walk to shops, buy noodles, think it’s the end, see whole bus of soldiers in Beijing, new area, walk in darkness, think about leaving, leave, think its temporary, in taxi, post stupid photos, check and check again phone, think people with goggles on my plane are over reacting, take off my mask to eat, keep taking off to loosen, arrive back in London. Tube. Cold. Pub. Party at WeWork. Exhibition at Dulwich Gallery. Farringdon. Drugs and drinks. Brockley, South east London. DJ. Ethiopian food. Morley’s Peckham. Walking on the River. Photographer friend’s house. Canal cycle. National Gallery. Car crash, Dalston. Omar Souleyman. Corsica Studios. Meet girl, back to my friends, back to hers, sex. Morning up to mum’s best friends birthday, Covent Garden restaurant. In a van, Sunday roast. Chisenhale Gallery. arebyte Gallery. Getting worse in China, seems nice and easy and calm in England. Camberwell beers and more. Second-hand book shops, Charing Cross Road. Courtauld. Leafed through a book about a man who lived his entire 86.5 years in East London. Still talking to the same girl back in China. Both believe I’ll be back soon. Chicken wings. West London, meal. South London pub. DJing somewhere inside. Kent, see grandma. Rave, Bermondsey. Friends from Israel and Germany arrive. More drinks, more drugs. Mixing friends. Gay bar in Bethnal Green for old friend’s birthday. Acid, confused and hilarious. Tate Britain. Serpentine. Cranes on the bridge. Liverpool Street film screening. Feels shallow, but good. Begin regular E Pellici sojourns. Primrose Hill with Dad. Beer festival with Keaton and co. Peckham, school friend’s house, bad vibe. More drinks, more drugs. Working on first music compilation with Slowcook and Fafa. Begin watching all of the Studio Ghibli movies. Watching Breaking Bad. At some point have huge argument with my brother, it went like this: He came home from work and I was sitting watching Breaking Bad, he asks, “Have you been like that all day?” I either took it in the wrong way or picked up on a sly dig. It was probably me, but at this point I was pretty self-conscious and worried about going back to China and whether or not I would have a job back there. Was getting surprisingly pissed off with my brother mentioning his work, felt like an affront to me. Weird. He goes crazy (he has a short fuse), punching a wall, ready to fight me. My mum is pretty upset. A few days later I go into his room and try to patch things up. Turns into a deeper chat. He feels like I haven’t been a good brother to him, he gives the example of not looking out for him on his first days of school. I say I’m sorry, it’s because I’m a bit scared and insecure. In retrospect I regret a little laying so much weakness on the table, seems his interactions/ways of acting around me have changed a bit. Still not sure how I feel about it all. Considered getting a gold tooth with Matthew. Play with cats, enjoying them more and more. Rave in Dalston, good music from Asia and beyond. Looking at magazines. Not doing much work at all. Being out and about instead. Go to Norfolk. It’s beautiful, but get way too drunk on first night, sick everywhere, wake up naked in sick. Massive fucking shitshow. Majority of people there have no choice but to act weirdly around me now, which is understandable. Still some nice aspects. One girl there surely hates me a lot. Tate Modern. Art stuff by self is good. Corsica Studios, semi-art, semi-music event. Mr. Bao for first time of many. Radio in Tottenham. Take drugs. Pubs. Drive to Asda with brother to stock up on food. It’s March and the reality of the pandemic is hitting. More canal cycling. First and only group chat on Zoom. BH Funk. Probably have taken cocaine and messaged one of three or four girls numerous times by now. If there’s one, in the cold light of day, horrible and disgusting thing I’ve done too much this year it’s this. Incessant messaging of poor girls that I know will react (although increasingly they don’t, I manage to alienate even close friends in this way). Southbank and The Mall with Nick. Reading about Wuhan. List of good texts. Continuing to do some writing. Making WeChat posts for guī WeChat, including mix series and miniessays. Greenwich park with Matthew. Grime quiz online. Delivering food regularly for my mum’s school. Hackney Marshes with Luan. Epping Forest with Mum and Dad. By this point probably have woken up feeling sorry for myself in Ludo’s flat, after untold amounts of alcohol and cocaine. Online rave. Beijing artists only mix. Go to Switzerland, pass through Italy on the way. Its breath taking, the mountains, the expanse of scenery, not used to it. Climbing up mountains with no one around. Rolo and Patrick and Rita smoke too much weed. I really, really, really still hate smoking it. Feel a bit annoyed how long we spend sitting around while they smoke, but this is way outbalanced by the uniqueness of where we are and the beauty all around. Producing more and more, actually getting somewhere. Cooking more and more food. Reading more and more, like: Black and British, The Corrections, Real Fast Food, Bass, Mids, Tops, Zadie Smith, Olivia Lang, Graham Greene, JG Ballard, Monica Ali, Mo Yan, Jenny Zhang, John le Carre, Naked Lunch, Nabokov, Bukowski, Zora Neale Hurston, Wiley, Bitcoin, Murakami, Judith E. Butler, The Painter of Modern Life, Maupassant, Chekov, Video Art, Gravity’s Rainbow (couldn’t finish), Anaïs Nin, The Net Delusion (couldn’t finish), The Establishment and how they got away with it (couldn’t finish), Roddy Doyle, The Secret of Scent, General Intellects, Women In Love, The Intelligent Investor, Lyndon Johnson. Victoria Park more often than I can remember. To Chrissy’s house. Mile End Park. Very regularly sitting on the river in Wapping. Bring the chessboard and play Ludo sometimes, people smile and look at you differently when you’re playing chess and drinking beers versus just sitting and drinking beer. I May Destroy You. Industry. The beautiful wide expanse of Hackney Marshes. My incessant quest to reach 1000 followers in Instagram. More cycling, and I hate to say it but it really was: Here there and everywhere. Margate with my Dad to see my grandma in hospital and saw the Turner Prize exhibition. Light blue like scrubs, the sky and sun felt eternal. Swimming in dirty water. Make a DJ mix of old 2000s Road Rap. Eat cheese in Peckham. Cycle along the canal north, keep going and going through Tottenham, past Enfield keep going, it’s mad how quickly it becomes quiet fields on all sides, arrive to some kind of lake, swim and then back to the centre of town. Outside a Hawksmoor church in Shadwell ate chicken with Karim and Ludo. DJing. From my bedroom window saw a big crane in the middle of the night sitting on the canal. Begin developing the second DCCY compilation this time with BULLY magazine. Go to a house in an old school in Camberwell. Discover new secret riverside spots in East London. Finally give up my apartment in Beijing. Mile End park. Cycle further and further East to a pedestrian bridge I didn’t know existed. Get onto the beach and into the Thames water. Interview Akito. Begin writing more, after few months of wiling away the summertime. My friend Emmy gets married in Rwanda, I give him some money as a wedding gift which he tells me he used to buy his wife’s dress. Protests in HK always on TV. Get more into finances, crypto and trading, and just saving in general. Had sex with an old friend. Now meeting a girl I first knew years ago in Beijing. More secret river spots. Keaton has his baby, Noah. More times on Hackney Marshes. Barbican conservatory. Watching more films, try to watch all the films of some directors including: Jia Zhangke, Bong Joon-ho, Edward Yang, Wong Kar-wai, Apichatpong Weerasethakul. Decide to watch all of the infamous lauded series, go through Breaking Bad, The Wire and The Sopranos. Go to the seaside for a few days, camping also. Henry Wu album launch in a car park in Bermondsey. Go to visit Keaton’s baby for the first time. Good photography exhibition at Photographer’s Gallery. Go to Wallace Collection again. August. Go to Berlin. Swimming in Berlin lakes until I get an ear infection. It makes me drowsy and lethargic, but still seems to spend all my time cycling around the city. On one night cycle for hours to a rave on the outskirts of the city. Like a lot the abandoned airport in Berlin. Oh yeah, vaping. Found a dead bumble bee. Speak with Nevin about projects. Write a piece about the future of the art world for a magazine being started by Nevin’s friend in Canada. Go to Lithuania. Walk around Vilnius, get too drunk by myself. Get to the Curonian Spit and Nida, beaches and new friends. For the Nightlife Residency project. For a short while life is like on a desert island of new food, new people, new locations, quiet and new meaning. Go to the Russian border on the beach. Cycle to the road boarder and get stopped by the police. Go nude on the beach for the first time. Sauna, sand dunes and forests. DJ out for the first time in ages, this time with Nono. To Kaunus and try nice and stodgy Georgian food for the first time. Hackney Wick back for party. Meet a ginger girl online and go on a date. Wallace Collection again. Free beer and pizza. White Cube. National Gallery, Titian. On BBC Radio London with my Dad. Riverside beers. Saw a lost swan near my front door. Meet Keaton near his work, one of many times. Making more and more music, getting better. Decide I need more organisation and clarity, put everything I’ve done on a blog. More or less long since given up on my job at M Woods. But don’t really begin looking for anything new because it’s still sunny. At some point I start getting benefits money. Go to see La Haine in the cinema. Someone blocks me on WeChat because of me. Some pub somewhere. Sunday walks and breakfast with my parents. Go to an exhibition in Woolworth Road with Muzi. Realise how nice it is to run to Victoria Park along the canal. Vicky Park in general. Dinners at friends’ houses. Museum of London. Walking with Michael in some countryside near London, surprising how quickly things turn green. Break onto a pier in Wapping with Jack. Battersea Park. Tate, Bruce Nauman. Old Street Weatherspoon’s with Keaton, drugs. Central London cemetery. Chinese in Camberwell. Chinese in Aldgate. Italian in Camberwell. More and more exercise, running, weights and yoga with my brother. Sadie Coles. Nick, Central London. Gucci Mane. Hampstead Heath more because Ludo and his flatmates are nearby. Ludo’s now house more for days and nights of you guessed it. Borough Market more, with Emma. Alexandra Palace walk and famous sandwiches after. Tate Britian new lights. More time at Muzi’s. Signing up for cycle courier. LYL Radio show. Shave head. Take acid and it hurts my stomach. Camden Arts Centre with Muzi. Christmas party with friends. Birthday. Cake with Muzi, presents and Indian takeaway from family, walk in Vicky Park with Ludo and Karim plus battered sausage and chips. Christmas at home nice and warming meal. Evening to Ludo’s place with more friends. Boxing day with Matthew, pints and then more at his house in Peckham all night long. Next day is tough! Giant turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey curry. Buy first NFTs. New Year’s Eve stay in at Muzi’s, one drink and a cake.

[shepaintsred]

Words for Bill

December 17, 2020

As I write these words down on this page, a flock of geese has gone over the house, voicing a baleful good-bye to autumn and a welcome to the dark winter months. For William Harvey Webb, W.H. Webb, Bill, the winter road was a significant metaphor. Through the years, if we stopped and looked at the details etched into those crisp winter tracks, we were to discover more than just snow; the light reflecting off of the raised edges and the shadows pouring into the deepest hollows of the tread marks, but also, we were to discover rich histories; family, friends, conversations, laughter and tears.

Welcome to those of you who have come to share in this tribute, today.  Let us, in our imaginations, include and leave some space for so many others who want to be here with us. Bill was so well-loved and there are so many that he loved in return

You can’t see him, but standing by my side, is one of Bill’s closest friends, Richard Dawson and over there, seated near his friends, Brock and Elaine, is his wife, Shirley. Richard brings to this gathering a lifetime of shared narratives and so, at times and with his permission, he will nudge me, and I will share the odd one.

My name is Kathleen Moors.  Bill called me Katie.  Bill and I have shared a magical friendship and this is an honour to be with the people who meant so much to him.

Bill was no stranger to loss in his life.  When son, Michael, died, Bill was devastated and felt helpless.  Perhaps now he can offer comfort to the son he loved so much.

To Bill’s family; Amanda and Wade, Gaylene, Andrew and family of Northern Ireland; brother, Bob and wife, Shirley as well as his five beautiful grandchildren; we offer our sadness, our support, and our love.

I will NOT soon forget how animated Bill became at the mention of time spent with his grandchildren, particularly when they were able to share dates out to live theater or musical performances.  Bill was a real gentleman and always dressed up for such occasions.  He saw events as spectacles.  

Bill was a romantic and a gentleman.  He grew houseplants.  He loved any animal that came his way.  He adored Ginger and Blackie…and Teva…and they loved him.  There was never a dinner prepared that did not involve a remarkable place setting and candles.  I remember Bill leading me to the outskirts of Edmonton after the celebratory festivities following the Alberta Centennial exhibit hosted by the West End Galleries. He did this so that there would be no chance that I would lose my way

Bill did not own a computer.  He was the most ‘unplugged’ person I know, relying on the library for the occasion of checking electronic mail.  He didn’t access television or cable, but did watch movies, his good friend, Brock, often sending them from Moose Jaw.  The sound of opera would often fill his nest with beautiful voices, something that he shared with good friend, John Oberg when John would slip over to Bill’s place or Bill would show up at John’s, the brushes cleaned up and put away for another night.

Bill was an educator.

Richard nudges… “when jobs were scarce in Oldham, England, Bill and his new family moved to Canada and a teaching job in Fort McMurray.  Then it was on to Castor where he was principal, then principal in Grand Cache, Alberta.  Next it was Superintendent of Schools in St. Paul and later Wainwright.”

While giving this all up, to Sheep Farm in Heath, Alberta, Bill never stopped being an educator.  He taught Sunday School for several years, creating dioramas and long rolls fed through makeshift television sets…he was an amazing orator, as well, feeling very comfortable speaking in front of any group.  He volunteered, teaching art at various grade levels and I’m certain that the children were, every time, excited to see him.

Bill was an amazing listener.  He was not one to busy his hands when you spoke to him.  He looked straight at you and gave you complete attention, asking the most interesting questions that, indeed, gave you every reason to believe that you mattered, you were his entire world at that very moment.  In the busyness of food preparation, I sometimes looked over my shoulder and saw Bill listening to one of my children and I wondered, “If only I could do that!”

Bill loved reading, especially history and non-fiction, but if you suggested a book, he would inevitably pick it up at the library or purchase the title so that he could give a ‘book report’ as he called them or he might even write out his book reports and post them in the mail.

Bill loved to dance. I never got to dance with Bill. This was a moment, lost.

Bill loved connection. He was a part of the Film Society whose members included Rick and Lyn, Mary-Lou, Carol and Noreen Getzlaf, Linda Wheaton and a long list of others.  Richard says that in the group, when the beverages came out, Richard was the only one not drinking….to this day, he ponders, now chuckles about whether they welcomed him to meetings for the rich variety of film OR because inevitably, he served as designated driver!

Bill spilled over with excitement about the Wine Club events, the garden parties and the brunches hosted at John Oberg’s.  I wasn’t ever a member of the Snake Trail Alpine Club, but that, too, grew a culture and history all its own. I went on numerous walks and hikes, with Bill and you probably did, as well. Bill had a marvelous connection with the landscape and conversations were had where all we did was analyze the sky, the shadows they cast on the land…observations that might seem unremarkable to most.

Bill loved all things related to trains and had huge dreams about drawing travelers into Forestburg by creating something very special around art, trains and community. He loved talking about the process of constructing all of the unique bits that went into building the landscape elements.  He was such a master at everything he took on!

Bill explained in his letters just how much he treasured it when someone was sitting back in his big comfy chair while he painted…I think we’ve all taken a place in that chair, but most treasured for their visits would be Rose and Virginia, I think.  Oh my. The stories Bill would share over the telephone about the encouragement that was given.

Bill enjoyed the company of so many.  The RB3 Richard Dawson, Bruce Beck, Brock Chrysler and Bill Webb!  He enjoyed seeing the guys whenever possible, but also really treasured their telephone conversations over so many years.

Bill was a health-conscious person.  He didn’t hesitate to share his journey as it related to the body or the emotions.

Richard Nudges…

Richard writes WW2 stories and he did an in-depth one on the Dam-Busters Raid, focusing on the 3 men from Moose Jaw and District who were on the Raid.

He completed it and the RCAF scheduled a little show and flag ceremony on the anniversary of the Western Development Museum. All systems were go.

Then Richard got a call from Bill. He was having knee replacement surgery and would Richard come to Forestburg and help out. So, Richard assigned his Dam-Buster Project to a most capable young man at the WDM and off he went.

Bill saw his recovery from the surgery as another competition and did all his exercise and activities. Before going to Forestburg Richard made clear that he would not be helping Bill with bathroom chores. If he needed to take a dump – he was on his own.  (Don’t forget…these are Richard’s words!  Lol I can just imagine these two guys laughing about this.)

He was an excellent patient. Richard cooked and they both put on a few pounds.

After five days he was able to get around just fine and Richard headed home to Moose Jaw.

On the second knee surgery he was able to stay with Amanda and Wade and they nursed him back to health.

Regarding his health, Bill consulted with the professionals with great enthusiasm and followed all directives when it came to achieving a healthy balance in his life.  He filled countless journals and developed the habit as a way of working through difficult times.  He was exceptional at keeping archives of events and didn’t miss a detail because…

Bill was a detail guy.

Bill’s approach to painting was incredible.  He set up his studio so that it was very spare.  He was not one for clutter or distraction when he needed to focus. He and I used to joke about blending our studios and agreed that it might never work because our spaces are so different from one another. He lovingly left voice messages, “This is Bill of the Northern Studio, checking in with Katie of the Southern Studio.

First steps to a painting involved airbrushing his sky.  From there, he delved into the world of darkest values and from the very onset, Bill used miniscule brushes.  He built incredible worlds as he came forward in space, with lighter and lighter values.  He was technical and deliberate.  His works are dreamscapes of places a lot of us know, but rarely analyze the way that Bill did.  Whether it was a huge vista of the Livingston Range or those ruts on a country road in winter, he paid the subject the same attention and care. He was prolific, painting right up until the last weeks before he died.  He felt responsible to his dealers and spoke often about his professional relationships with them. Over time, these people came to be very personal friends and extremely important to him.

Richard Nudges…

“One of Richard’s last official acts for Bill was attending the Memorial for William (Bill) Shurniak at the Shurniak Gallery in Assiniboia. Bill died August 8, 2020 and the memorial was open – at the Gallery and individual.

Bill and Richard visited the Shurniack Gallery many times and if Bill Shurniack was there, they visited him. He was still active on the Board of Husky Energy in Calgary and was still travelling regularly to Hong Kong.

As Richard sat in the Gallery, listening to the music, he could see a Group of Severn painting over his right shoulder. It is a painting of Cowley, Alberta, although, I think – called Pincher Creek Station.

When his meditation was complete, he signed the registry for himself and also signed Bill’s name. Richard called him from the car and he was very appreciative I had done that.”

Painting was such a great joy to Bill.  He and I spoke to one another endlessly about our work, supporting one another and challenging one another.  In his letters, he always began with what he was working on and ended with what he was going to go and work on next.  I am so proud of W.H.Webb, the painter.  He worked so hard.  The art community is going to miss such a gentleman as Bill, such a magnificent artist, driven with a passion for capturing the spectacular views that so many of us love.

Bill’s vision.

This eulogy has not written itself easily.  I was writing and writing and deleting and writing again, simply because I felt that if I stopped and the words wrapped up and came to an end, it would mean that my friend is truly gone.  I realize through much losing these last years, that if we truly love our family and our friends, they will remain.  I have to trust that this is the case here as well.

I wrote the final words on the page…Bill’s Vision.

What would Bill want you to know…or to realize…by his life and it being entwined with yours and I am left as I began, with the sound of the geese….and an image.  Consider these a gift today, that you loved this absolutely precious and beautiful soul.  And keep him with you.

 Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

[rayroute-clear-saeran-text-sound]

Saeyoung’s Girl (707 x MC x Saeran)

I really wanted to participate in Choi Sandwich Week! So, I guess this is my contribution. This is from Saeran’s POV by the way. It’s a bit short, but I hope you still appreciate it anyway :)

@choisandwichweek

Day 2: Nostalgia/Jealousy

My lips tugged slightly upward, painting a slight smile onto my face. Giggles spilled from MC’s lips, her hand almost useless in muffling her laughter. I felt a small warmth spread evenly through my chest, sprouting from the pride I felt at being able to make her laugh like that. I did that. Sure, she was amused by Saeyoung’s jokes as well, but there was a hopeful voice in the back of my mind that told me she laughs with just a smidge of a higher intensity at mine. Some cheesy romcom was droning on in the background, which happened to be the subject of my apparently hilarious mockery. Saeyoung was out for whatever reason, which I was okay with. The truth is, I prefer being alone with MC. She helps me relax and become comfortable, because she treats me like I’m normal, not some broken doll being pieced back together, which is how everyone else seems to see me.

“God, Saeran...you’re going to kill me one of these days.” MC spoke as she clutched her sides, trying to regain her breath. Her arm shot out as she aggressively ruffled my newly ginger locks, which I pretended to hate. 

“Oh, you’re asking for it now.” I made my voice as gruff as possible, coaxing pearls of laughter from her mouth again. Whatever random movie forgotten, I initiated an all out assault of pokes, tickles, and hair tussles. 

“Okay, okay! Truce!” MC’s words drifted out between gasping breaths as she halfheartedly shoved me away from her. A soft smile still brightened my face as I slumped back against the couch, training my eyes back on the TV screen. “Geez, you know that Saeyoung doesn’t believe me when I tell him what you’re like when he’s not home?” Without thinking, the smile was wiped from my face at the mention of my brother. “You don’t have to answer, but why are you so different when he’s home?” I shrugged nonchalantly, trying to look uninterested.

“Past trauma, I guess.” She nodded, honey brown eyes moving back to the television as well. Deep down, I knew that wasn’t the true explanation anymore. It might have been at a time, but not now. Not that I knew the reason, because I really didn’t. It was something I just couldn’t quite put my finger on. Not that it mattered. We sat in silence for a moment, the romcom still weaving its way to our ears, albeit in vain, since the only thing we were listening to was our respective thoughts.

“I’m proud of you, you know.” My gaze found hers, and as it did, I saw that she meant every word. Just like that, that warm feeling spread again. This time, it covered more than just my chest, and it seemed to flood all the way from my ears to my toes. It was a strange feeling that was uncomfortable at first, but as it happened more often, it morphed into something pleasant that I began to cherish. The feeling was similar to the one I used to get whenever Saeyoung would sneak me outside as a kid, but that still wasn’t quite right. I was wrenched out of my thoughts by the door swinging open and Saeyoung’s loud greeting.

“I’m home! And guess what, I brought a surprise!” I rolled my eyes at his stupid over excitement, cynical about whatever was in the plastic bag he was holding. He trotted jollily over to the couch, diving in between me and MC, squishing me against the arm of the couch.

“Hey, watch it!” I spat, feeling animosity seep into me again, which made me more angry. I didn’t want to be spiteful to him, I wanted to love him again. It was why everything was so frustrating. 

“Anyways, what have you got there?” MC asked, voice so sweet it almost made me sick. Grinning wildly, Saeyoung brought out a box of frozen treats. Ripping open the box, Saeyoung pulled three out, passing them around to us. I stared at it, memories seeming to dance in the dessert in my hand. The blue double popsicle would mean nothing to MC, but it meant everything to my brother and I. 

“I was out getting gas, and while I was doing that, I got to thinking...I promised you that we would get to have another ice cream together, but it was something that I didn’t fulfil.”

There were a lot of promises you didn’t fulfil... I thought, knowing he was thinking the same thing. This was his way of making things right, one step at a time. 

“So, naturally, I decided to pick some up on my way home!” He had a goofy grin plastered on his face, although there was something else there. Through twin telepathy, or whatever you want to call it, I could tell he was nervous about if I would accept his way of mending fences. I continued to stare at the sweet treat in my hand, ice crystals melting away from the smooth surface. 

“You’re an idiot.” Despite the attitude, my grumble soon gave way to a chuckle as I bit into the dessert.

“Dear god, I got a laugh out of him! MC, it’s a miracle!” He looked as if he was genuinely about to tear up. I tuned him out as I let the taste wash over my tongue, memories bubbling up to the surface. The most prominent one was the pinky promise that we would escape our mother and be together forever. I suppose in some roundabout way, we did end up together, and we most likely will stay that way. “I’m so happy, you know that?” Saeyoung seemed to be addressing both of us, but I knew better. Now he was talking directly to MC, snaking his free arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him. My skin prickled as he did so, intensifying when he leaned in for a kiss. Getting caught up in the moment, he moved his hand to her hair, tangling it in her long brown strands while deepening the kiss. I turned away, biting deep into the frozen treat with my sensitive teeth when MC sighed in delight against him. 

“Gross, guys. I’m right here...” My voice trembled, and I cursed the tightening sensation in my chest. If they heard me, they didn’t care. MC giggled as he blew raspberries onto her neck and collar bone, and instead of its usual musical quality, it sounded shrill to my ears. Suddenly, the half-eaten ice cream I was holding didn’t taste very good. I stood up as MC began to slip his jacket off, heading to my room in long, fluid strides. As I passed the kitchen, I dropped the unfinished treat unceremoniously into the trash can. 

Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with me? I dragged my hands down my face as I flopped back onto my bed. The door was shut tightly, but choruses of laughter drifted in regardless. My breath caught in my throat as I was finally able to put a name to this feeling.

“Jealousy...” I mumbled aloud, trying the word on for size. I was jealous of my brother. I had never been interested in women, or men for that matter, so my harbored feelings for MC caught me off guard. Of course, the one girl I had ever wanted was unavailable. This envy was only pushing me further back in my efforts to forgive my brother.

She’s happy with him...you want her to be happy, don’t you?  For once, my inner voice was being rational and reasonable rather than self-deprecating.

“Tch…” It was painfully ironic how it all worked out. I brought her to the RFA, and she went and fell in love with my twin. I’m not a child, though. If she is truly happy, then fine. I’ll support them as much as my heart allows, because MC deserves it. I would give her the world if I could, and I know for a fact that Saeyoung would do the same. A bittersweet smile worked its way onto my face, and I felt myself relaxing against the mattress. She may be Saeyoung’s girl, but that doesn’t mean I still can’t dream about her. As far as I’m concerned, diving into a dreamland where she could be mine was a better alternative to painful and twisted nightmares. I would take the imaginary relationship any day. 

Why do I have to love you this way?  Tracing circles onto my chest to comfort myself, I felt surprisingly contented. 

“God, what I wouldn’t give for you to be Saeran’s girl...” I chuckled lowly, glad no one was there to hear my sappy mumbling. My breathing fell into a slow and easy rhythm as I began to doze off into a happy slumber, a world where anything was possible, including having the girl of my dreams.

[houseswolo]

Day 17 - 'Tis The Season To Be Thirsting

"Oh come all ye Forceful..."

The last of our Thirsties to be showcased:

Wilson

(Tumblr: @wilsonthinks66​ | Twitter: Wilsonthinks66 | Ao3: Wilson66)

What got you into Star Wars?

When a certain Adam Driver revealed his beautiful face in The Force Awakens 😍 helloo handsome

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!

"You're not alone." "Neither are you."

I think I told Luke to piss off and let them kiss!

Why do you write / make art?

Because why not?! I write when I have that little niggling idea that just won't go away.

The Object of your Thirst…

Oh so many but if we're sticking to the Star Wars it's got to be the beautiful Adam Driver and my favourite ginger Domhnall Gleeson

Which Adam look do you like the best?

Unwrapped and bare chested 🤤😍

Which Adam avatar/ role do you like the best?

Flip Zimmerman, I think my stomach literally flipped (pun intended 😏) when Adam wheeled around on that chair 💦💦

Which part of Adam do you like the best? 

A part? How can you only pick one part.

Favorite Star Wars Movie

Probably The Force Awakens, it was the film that made me watch the others in preparation, although Rogue one is a close second.

What do you like to write / draw / paint the most?

Don't judge me but I love writing angst obviously with a well earned happy ending. This is what I want to write as I've made a promise to myself to focus on what I enjoy reading/writing and not worry about others' opinions.

**Eyes the dark Evil Rey idea that won't leave me alone recently**

We'll get to you soon.

(HS: Dooo eeeet!)

Your TRoS Prediction

They all live happily ever after... Hux included 🤞❤️ no I know that may be too optimistic but I do hope we get Bendemption 😍

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

Red and black are my favourite colour combination, although I adore autumn colours too🍁🧡

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating? 

Silence 😂 seriously I am so easily distracted that I need solitary confinement 😅 which may be why I sometimes struggle to finish fics.

Are you a dom or sub? 

Switch baby! 🤘 For the perfect partner I'll be whatever they need 😏

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

I've spent most of my life at yards, I'm not going to miss the opportunity to roll about the straw barn, now am I? 🙊

What's your kink?

Who doesn't love a good Dom but on the flip who doesn't love a well-behaved sub? 🤷 I'm easily pleased.

Use three words to describe yourself

Loyal, kind (I hope I come across as such) and argumentative sometimes because I can fall out with myself if I'm that way inclined 😂

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

Well it's my name and I wasn't feeling imaginative 😅

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

I'm a don't touch me while a sleep spoon, solitary spoon 😘

Do you like it rough or soft? 

See if you pick one, you lose out on the other. I'm too greedy for that.

Favorite fic you read

Unexpected by pontmercy44. The first star wars fandom fic I ever read that introduced me into this world, I guess.

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

Decades to Fall for Sunshineflying. A reyux fic (don't shoot the multishipper!) That I just loved writing and wish that every fic was that easy to create. 😍❤️

Favorite SW character besides Kylo and Rey

Oh well this is so hard for me umm 🤔 maybe that ginger General of First Order... I struggle to remember his name 😘 love me some Hux

______

Taz

(Tumblr: @tazwren | Twitter: WrenTaz | Ao3: TazWren & TrashcanWren)

What got you into Star Wars?

Literally, a lightsaber being stuck into my hand, at 7yrs, and being asked to be Vader to my cousin’s Luke Skywalker. I’d never heard of SW till that moment, and I fell headfirst into the Dark Side and in love with the galaxy far, far away! Its been the one franchise that as been a constant for me, the whole time growing up, and I’ve loved having something SW to look forward to every few years. SW and Reylo lifer! 😁😁😎😎

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!

“You are not alone.” The minute Kylo/Ben said those words, I was gone for Reylo. No true villain would give a flying fuck about his so-called adversary’s mental and emotional health. When their hands touched? I screeched in that theatre! And I may have yelled at Luke as well. Walked out and hunted for Kylo/Rey fanfics and the rest was history!

Why do you write / make art?

I do because the stories show up and make it impossible for me to do anything else but tell them. They buzz and breed and drown out all other sounds, like manic mosquitoes. They can be quite a nuisance that way, but... *throws up hands* ... I gots to do what they tell me to do! 😆

The Object of your Thirst…

Uh, do I even need to answer this? Adam Douglas Driver, Mr.Sensitive-on-a-stick, BDE Boss hisself 😎😏

Once I discovered him, all others ceased to exist for me. (Hugh, who? Chris, what?)

Which Adam look do you like the best?

I like Adam every which way, but my favorites are with facial scruff and slightly shaggy hair - Phillip Altman meets Ben Swolo. Oooh, anytime he is a sweater (or half out of one!) or with his shirtsleeves rolled up. So, um, yeah... 😁

Which Adam avatar/ role do you like the best?

Philip Altman is BAE - he always lightens my heart. And Ben Solo? He owns the frickin’ thing. So yeah, anyone who knows me, knows one ain’t enough 😏

Which part of Adam do you like the best?

His face - it’s so emotive and expressive! His eyes, those lips, that smile that launches a gazillion ships. His hands, his strong-ass arms. That glorious mane of hair. Have I mentioned them tiddies and the tree-trunk thighs?! Oh, and when he flexes his back, and...

Uh... let’s just say, everything Adam? 

Favorite Star Wars Movie

The Last Jedi was the most beautifully written and shot movie in the entire franchise, with a depth of characterization and exploration of symbolism that was brilliant. This will always rate as the best for me. A close second, and one I will always love, is Empire Strikes Back. That was quintessential Star Wars and an amazingly good watch - snark, action, angst, love, betrayal, rescue, OMFG!

What do you like to write / draw / paint the most?

Until I started writing Reylo, I’d never been able to write fiction. I could never visualize the stories. And once I started, I haven’t been able to stop! I’ll write anything Reylo, I’ll try writing anything at least once (so, yeah, there may be dark fic as well one day!). My style defaults to either mildly angsty, or humour-laced fluff, or depraved smut. So, not sure what that says about me 😂

Your TRoS Prediction

Bendemption. Reylo. *mic drop*

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

Blacks, Reds, Greys, slashes of bright turquoise and white and ochre. Blue and white-striped awnings shading an alfresco cafe, overlooking a green ocean. Bright, city lights, reds and yellows glinting off the black water of a bay. A busy airport, with the scents of perfume from Duty-Free as you zoom past it.

If you were a candy bar, what would your name be?

The Ever-lasting Gobstopper 😂

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating?

In a hotel room, on my own. In the back of cab, in the window-seat of an airplane. At my desk, looking out through the window as the breeze blows through the trees, and the Burn This playlist keeps going on repeat. 

Are you a dom or sub?

Both? Both is good.

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

On the back of a bike, in the middle of the night, stopped at a traffic intersection.

What's your kink?

Size. Hands. Humour. Fidelity, and yet threesomes (go figure, I’m depraved). Mild Dom. Intelligence and thoughtfulness. Hair. Fuck it, Adam.

Use three words to describe yourself

Loyal, funny, organized-chaos (its a thing, trust me!)

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

I’ve always had Taz as a nickname, for the Warner Bros Tasmanian Devil (yes, I’ve been known to be exactly like that! 😂). Wren is a nod to Kylo Ren, and the fact that one of the earliest fanfics I read had Rey naming her son ‘Wren’ as a backhanded pointer to Kylo! So I’m, Taz, a Knight of Ren.

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

I can be both, till I fall asleep. Then, pls leave me tf alone 😬😁

Do you like it rough or soft?

Both - why choose?!

Favorite fic you read

There are so very many in this amazing fandom! The one that I’ve loved from the beginning, though, is The Art of Broken Pieces - a beautifully written Bendemption fic. 

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

God, this is hard! My recent favorites are Brooklyn Bridge Blues, Caught Between Beats, and A Taste For Two - I like that I’m able to explore a variety of stories and emotions through them. I’m most proud of Confidences To A Stranger because I was able to explore a storytelling medium that I hadn’t before. 

Favorite SW character besides Kylo and Rey

Padme Amidala - she reminds me of my mother and grandmother, both of whom were strong women, who got shit done, while always taking care of their people. She was a queen in more than just name. Han Solo - I am weak for a scoundrel/villain/bad boy in a leather jacket, with a hardass, snarky exterior that hides a heart of gold. The reluctant hero.💙

____

Meet the other Thristies! Thirst Order Advent Calendar Day:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

cc: @tazwren @drnucleus @ashtyntaytertot @deadlikemoi @nite0wl29 @thereylowritingden @houseplaidam @housedadam @house-crylo @housereysistance @my-jedi-life @shestoolazytologin @koderenn @thoseindarkness @areylofan @lostinqueue-ffa @queenoferebor  @cosmo-gonika @roguesinside @wilsonthinks66  @dangertaylor @lilia-ula @wandering-minds-found @looc-at-me @hopelesslyreylo @ferashacosplay @andabatae-writes @semperfidani ​ @reylo-fade-to-grey @cb-lainey-schooled

[placesiputpoems]

4/19/20 - Adina

Mom blog format again. Mom blogs and friend blogs are all I have right now. Also, Rachel, YES re: the book. I actually recommend it to everyone -- it’s sort of like exactly what you want a novel to be. 

DOING: Last night we had a FOUR AND A HALF HOUR-LONG Zoom with Ryan’s brother and sister-in-law and our friends Jonathan and Alia and ... I do not recommend that length of Zoom for anyone. Everyone is either a lawyer or ten years older than us so they were all sitting around talking about how they’re going to buy used cars and Ryan and I were sort of like ... we purchased a plant today.

HEARING: Well, it’s 8am on a Sunday which means my downstairs neighbors SHOULD be blasting techno music in a way that denotes either sex or lifting weights -- it’s impossible to tell -- and yet it’s silent, so I’m worried that something has happened to them. Also, the new Fiona Apple album over and over again (I keep saying things to Ryan like, “Who do you think Fiona Apple’s best friend is?” and he’s like ... Adina please leave me alone) and a new-to-me angry woman band called Sass. Also, LeeLee, the other day I made an executive decision to include Blink-182 on my angry women Spotify playlist and I thought of you and Coby.

DRINKING: Ryan realized that his beer is going to be ready to bottle this Monday, rather than next like he initially thought, which meant that we need to drink two six packs this weekend so he has enough empty bottles in which to store the homemade stuff ... this has been alarmingly easy. Also, my ginger bug finished fermenting and I used it to make a homemade ginger beer that’s bubbling away in our closet!

BUYING: MORE PLANTS. We tried to get these from the great plant place on 116th and 5th Ave but the corn plants there were $140 to Home Depot’s $35 ... I’m sorry, small businesses. Here’s our new bookshelf ivy and corner corn plant. 

Two highlights for the above photo: 

#1 Those are some blackout curtains on top that I sewed for our apartment! (So we can watch “Unorthodox” during the day time -- there was too much light coming in from that porch door to use the projector). I know it will haunt me at some point that the lower curtains are navy and the top ones are black but I was working with what I had.

#2 You may be wondering, why is there a bedside table in your living room, Adina? THIS THING IS LITERALLY MY NEMESIS. Ryan got it for $10 on Craigslist for his old solo-man apartment. Then we moved here and had no place for it and it has literally been floating around our apartment for MONTHS now. I keep suggesting places we can put it if Ryan truly wants to keep it and none of them are satisfactory. I even put it in the hall outside our apartment at one point and Ryan ... moved it back in. Anyway, when I eventually do lose it (to the extent that I haven’t already), know that it was because of this table.

EATING + COOKING: I made these kind of weird but perfectly chewy cookies as my first post-Pesach bake. 

Also, we have a cookbook from this lady and I adore it -- the other day I made a ratatouille-type thing but with allspice and cardamom -- highly recommend.

LOOKING: At our plant growth! They’re doing so good! C’mon bell pepper!

DECIDING: What we’re going to make for dinner this week, in advance of today’s trip to the farmer’s market. What have you guys been having for meals? We’ve been on a heavy rotation of lentils + fried rice + matzah ball soup.

ENJOYING: Over on the other friend blog, Mariana has been doing hour-by-hour drawings of her days and whenever she posts one it’s always the highlight of my day (gentle suggestion for Dr. Vais to do this with watercolors). I love “10am: Time to start work, I guess. Answering emails and sighing.”

WATCHING: The other night Ryan and I watched this documentary and it was so, so wonderful. I really recommend it to everyone here. Particularly nice for a time like this when you want to get out of your head and be reassured about the world but in a way that feels non-cheesy. This director really artfully highlights the meatiness of life in both its awfulness and glory.

READING: Let’s see if my quarantine mush brain can handle this book by Tisa Bryant. Also, Ryan’s only mail that he’s sent during the pandemic, to his sister Sarah’s pet rat:

WEARING: Our new masks, which I sewed out of dog-themed fabric so that strangers know what’s important to us.

PLANNING: When we’re going to tackle our latest home improvement/craft project: painting our living room closet door with chalkboard paint! I’m excited to be able to see our dinner menus and movie list from pretty much anywhere in the apartment.

PLAYING: Wingspan, that bird game I mentioned in the other post, but with Ryan’s sister over Zoom. It was actually really fun. I’m sort of tired of Zooming just to chat because it feels so draining and I hate staring at a screen extra when I don’t have to, but I am pro Zoom-ing with a purpose.

CRAVING: The return of normal life.

LOVING: My friends, obviously.

SAVORING: Ryan and my morning schedule, which is that I wake up an hour before Ryan and have alone time in our living room while he gets to roll over and spend an extra hour by himself in bed, as stretched out as possible. I think this is how we will all survive the apocalypse (alone time and stretching).

I love you!

Adina

[blackjack-15]

The Force of Nature and the Cackling Madman: What Hux Should Be (and What ROS Won’t Be)

Warning: two mentions of the leaked/newish pictures. They will have spoiler warnings bracketing it, along with the appropriate tags connected to the post. You’ve been warned.

INTRODUCTION

With RoS mere months away, this meta really can’t be delayed any longer before it becomes moot, so here we go!

TLJ was a lot of things — some good, some bad —  but what it wasn’t was surprising (unless you count just how shockingly bad 90% of Finn’s storyline was). This is generally a good thing in movies nowadays, where surprises come not from clever writing, but from enormous missteps in the writing or the desire to feel clever by putting in a twist that isn’t foreshadowed, or even just by breaking the rules of your universe.

Ignoring all but the main storyline — which is about Rey and Kylo Ren and their obstacles/conflicts — TLJ didn’t bring any surprises, but instead followed on the lines that TFA set up. As this is obviously the storyline that’s been hashed out from the start and is the point they’re building to, it’s thus safe to say that RoS is simply going to do the same, and follow the lines that TLJ set up.

SPOILER WARNING BEGINS

(Side note: this is why, when the absurdly stupid tuning-fork-lightsaber of Rey’s showed up in the first looks at RoS, it was immediately obvious that she was going to be able to “break” off half of it to give to Kylo when his saber is ultimately gone/self-destructs. Not only does the spoiler picture all but confirm this, but it’s also the obvious trajectory from the two fighting over a lightsaber in TLJ and breaking it in half.)

SPOILER WARNING ENDS

Anyway, with this framework in mind, and with the knowledge that every Star Wars media since the OG trilogy is in some way an adaptation of the OG trilogy, let’s examine what this means for the villain.

TERROR AND STAR WARS VILLAINS

There’s really no getting around the fact that one of the weakest facets of any Star Wars movie — yes, the OG trilogy is included here — is the villains that accompany them. A few SW video games fare a bit better in this, but most follow the movies’ path. This isn’t shocking — Star Wars is a Hero’s Journey, and in a Hero’s Journey it’s the presence of a villain, not the nature of the villain itself, that’s the important part — but it is crucial to understand.

Darth Vader is by far the most iconic and scariest villain that Star Wars movies can boast of, and for those born after 4/5/6 came out, he’s not really that scary, because those viewers go in knowing who Vader is and that he’s (at least partially) redeemed through his sacrifice. The greatest contribution that Rogue One made to that viewership is the scene with Vader at the end, where he is legitimately an object of terror as he was when 4/5/6 were first out.

This leads to a discussion of Palpatine-as-villain in RotJ, where the best that can be said for his status as terror-inducing villain is that at least he has Vader to do most of the heavy lifting for him. As a villain, Palpatine is just not scary. Maybe it’s the makeup, maybe it’s the fact that he gets thrown out like a sack of garbage to his death, maybe it’s the cold ham delivery he gives to what should be properly menacing lines.

Darth Maul’s visuals in TPM alone are scarier than all of Palpatine in RotJ, and, before it’s brought up, Palpatine is even less scary than that in the prequels, so I’m not even considering that part.

The thing that most Star Wars villains have in common (aside from Tarkin, who is my person favorite movie-verse villain) is that they’re forces of nature; they have the force and/or use lightsabers, they’re larger than life and beings of immense power and reputation, and they’re there to sort of loom over movie, causing overwhelming-yet-non-specifc terror to motivate the plot in a “avoid the bad guys” sort of way.

This is especially obvious in the prequel movies, where Darth Maul (ignoring his awesome visual effect), General Grievous, and Count Dooku are all basically meant to Stand There And Look Menacing, rather than having anything about them that’s actually interesting.

And here’s where the interesting things in the sequel trilogy begin.

WHY SMOKE SNOKE?

There was never any way that Snoke was going to live past TLJ, just like there was no way that Hux wasn’t going to survive TLJ. Remembering that the sequel trilogy is in a lot of ways an adaptation of the OG trilogy (as all Star Wars movies are), TFA was trying to get you to think of Snoke as Palpatine — an overlord that survives until the last bit of the last movie and Hux as Tarkin — the non-Force user who is Evil and all but dies b/c he’s too smug and petty.

But neither one of those things were actually true. Because that would position Kylo Ren as the Vader analogue, and all of TFA is dedicated to showing just how wrong that assumption is.

Because Kylo’s not Vader, Hux isn’t Tarkin, and Snoke isn’t Palpatine. Thus, Snoke has to die, because we can’t go into the last third of the trilogy with competing big bads (and no, Kylo and Hux don’t count there, either — Kylo isn’t a big bad at all, unless you think that the Big Bad Villain’s job is to fall for a British honeypot with a lightsaber).

I’ll admit, I was a bit smug when Snoke died and left only Hux alive and kicking out of the Three Bad Guys (as Kylo/Ben isn’t even pretending to be a bad guy anymore), because that’s what I had predicted — a fake-out with a Palpatine-style, force-of-nature villain only to reveal that the real Big Bad was with us all along — a mortal; a cackling madman: General Hux.

PLOTTING WITH PALPATINE

When spoilers first indicated that Palpatine would instead make yet another appearance in a Star Wars film, I was optimistic. Optimistic not in the “hey the Rebels will totally win” sort of way; no, optimistic in the “these kind Jedi will definitely free the slaves and not just take the kid because They Must Deal Kindly With Illegal Slavers”. AKA misplaced optimism rather than genre-savvy faith in the heroes to prevail.

Because actually bringing back Palpatine would be a stupid move all the way around, I tried to figure out why they’d advertise it and not try to hide the bad idea in a Secret Twist.

So here’s where we get the interplay between the Force of Nature and the Cackling Madman.

In a world where the Force exists, it’s easy to imagine that those without it feel rather powerless — or at least overshadowed — when near those who do wield it. Certainly, that’s true for most of Tarkin’s council, and true of Hux. 

Over and over again in TFA and TLJ, we see Hux trying to prove that he’s every inch Kylo’s Equal. Even after Snoke’s death, he uses no deference to the new Supreme Leader and repeats his commands so he can believe that the First Order soldiers are following him.

Hux’s scene in TFA where he’s commanding the troops shows Hux at his finest (and most evil); apart from any Jedi/Sith/Force influence, he is himself to a glorious extreme: the Cackling Madman.

THE CACKLING MADMAN

I don’t use this title to say that Hux is insane (though he’s clearly a bit off) but rather to show the difference between a villain like Hux and a villain like Palpatine. Unlike the Force of Nature villain, a Cackling Madman is usually present over the entire story, seen as a person rather than as a shadowy figure, and is allowed to fail and succeed at multiple times during the trajectory of the story, rather than only failing at the very end when the heroes triumph.

In short, Star Wars has never had, in the movie-verse, a Cackling Madman as the main villain. The prequels play at it for about .5 seconds with Senator Palpatine, but he’s still the Force of Nature, ultimately, just pretending to be a Good Guy.

As the sequel trilogy, is, once again, and like any other SW media, an adaptation of the OG trilogy, I was really excited for this shift in formula — it would play on audience expectation that Snoke would just be Palpatine 2.0, only to reveal — with the proper set up, as shown in TFA and TLJ — that the true villain was there all along, just unnoticed for what he was.

THE FACADE OF THE FORCE

So where would the intervention of Palpatine go in this shift from the formula?

Hux as the ultimate Big Bad would know that he would need the support of a powerful force user — or, at least, the appearance of support of a powerful force user.

And, in the Star Wars universe, you could do worse than to claim the support of (in the EU) the eternally clone-happy Emperor. Hux’s only problem is that the Emperor is dead, and thus not really up to supporting a ginger with dreams of Ultimate Power.

So any support would have to be a facade. And how is Star Wars uniquely equipped to handle facades?

We’re talking holograms, baby.

Holograms of a weakened yet still powerful Emperor — maybe missing a hand or something, a few attacks “directed” by the Emperor meeting wild success, manipulation of the Holograms to say Hux’s name and offer support of him as his Preeminent General or whatever, and Hux has the galaxy at his feet.

IMAGINE MY DISAPPOINTMENT (SPOILERS HERE AGAIN)

And then the spoiler pictures of Palpatine came out and — disappointment was prevalent, but I wasn’t surprised.

The big problem with the Sequel Trilogy is that it has one well-plotted plot line — the main plot line with Rey and Kylo/Ben — and then every other plot line is pretty much left up to the whims of the moment. It’s especially evident in Finn’s TLJ plot line, but it’s present to some extent in every other plot line throughout the two movies currently out.

What Hux should be is the danger lurking in plain sight; the villain seen but not understood, and the evil present but not accounted for. That alone would add a dimension to the Sequel Trilogy that it’s lacking right now — and lacking even more with the advent of Palpatine’s return. Not only would it acknowledge its freedom as an adaptation to play with audience expectation, but it would demonstrate something that both it and the Prequel Trilogy lack: trust in its audience.

THE ULTIMATE CONCLUSION

What RoS should be is a movie that delivers something new but still authentic to the Star Wars universe. Ultimately, that’s all it would take to please the majority of its audience, because those who are watching the ST without having seen any other Star Wars media are few and far between. 

The shame is that what RoS will be is a movie that (wrongly) doesn’t trust its audience to consume  nuanced media, and instead tries to placate them with false advertising (trying to give off the air that RoS will be a trio movie with Finn, Rey, and Poe when everyone knows it won’t be) and with the return of old characters and the descendants of old characters. It’s like adding blue flashing lights to an old snow globe and declaring that you’re recaptured lightning in a bottle.

[kohakuriver]

A complete Frozen 2 trailer analysis and breakdown + my own theory

I will be covering both trailers in this post so it will get long as well as bringing up many things I haven’t seen other people say, particularly on youtube. Another thing I will be bringing up is leaks that the general public does not know so if you don’t want spoilers please do not keep reading. Though the spoilers are quite light and only reference small points of the plot that will most likely be revealed in the coming months. There are one or two screencaps I won’t bring up because they’re irrelevant and only showed up in the trailer for show.

EDIT: After annecy new information has dropped. This will be edited to include those spoilers.

One thing I’d like to clear up is that these are both teaser trailers and not full ones. I believe Disney will be releasing a full one that will be less vague in September. These Frozen trailers are an anomaly that I personally think were only done this way because of the Aladdin controversy. Disney never release teaser trailers that early. The one released in June was cut up and released in February to move attention away from the controversy which is why it's short and vague.

In the first seconds of the first trailer we see Elsa running towards the ocean. Determined to cross it.

What is she trying to do? Get to Anna because she was shipwrecked? But there's no wreckage around her. And if she wrecked in the middle of the ocean she would have used her magic to try and turn back. Without the context of the second teaser trailer we had no idea what she was doing. Now we know Anna, Elsa, Kristoff, Sven and Olaf all went on the trip together. So we know it's not Elsa trying to get back home to Anna and Arendelle. She wouldn’t be leaving by herself. During the ocean scene in the second trailer we see her with The Nokk.

A mythological water spirit that Disney describes as a protector of the forest and its secrets. In order to get past the Nokk someone must prove their worth. I believe this is what Elsa is trying to do. Get to the Nokk and let her pass into the forest. Or perhaps she needs its help to defeat something? Another theory is that it’s part of a trial she must face in order to gain knowledge. It certainly does not want to harm her. In fact it looks curiously at her and in the illustration they are shown seemingly working together.

If it wanted to harm her it would have done so when she was vulnerable. I heard a rumor that Elsa will form a tight bond with the Nokk and it will be an integral part of the movie but I’m not sure I entirely believe that. I personally believe it’s just a protector and another obstacle that Elsa must go through.

Edit: At Annecy we learned that Elsa and the Nokk do in fact have a battle. I still personally believe she is doing this to prove herself to the Nokk.

The next scene shows Anna, looking at the crystals that we now know Elsa created. I will bring up this scene later since it gains more context in the second trailer and is out of place in this trailer.

Now the next scene with Kristoff- there isn’t much to say other than this has to be when they are in the enchanted forest. The setting looks the same and we know they all get separated at some point. I believe he’s trying to get back to the rest of the group with the help of Sven and some new friends that Sven made. It’s definitely dramatic so Kristoff probably thinks his family is in extreme danger.

Next we see Anna alone in a cave. This cave must be the one we see Anna and Olaf fall into in the second trailer. They must have been separated after falling off the waterfall and Anna is shown trying to find Olaf. I’d also like to mention that Anna and Olaf are looking up at what seems to be an Earth Giant (the one shown in the last seconds of the second trailer) before they get to the waterfall.

If you look at the screencaps the rock looks different and oddly shaped, perhaps it’s a foot. The reason it doesn’t attack is because it’s sleeping. Another thing to mention is their ice boat is obviously made by Elsa. This leads me to believe they separated on purpose.

The next scene we see Olaf and Elsa surrounded by purple fire in the shape of a heart. Elsa is trying to get rid of the fire using her magic. This scene gets more context in the second trailer. We are shown Anna, Sami (from the way they dress they look like Sami, an indigenous group in norway and sweden) and guards possibly from Arendelle fleeing from the fire.

We are also shown Kristoff swooping in and taking Anna as Elsa is on the ground (most likely with Olaf behind her) in the same scene. Perhaps Elsa told them to flee so she could face the person putting them in danger with her magic. Other than that there’s not much we can take from this scene besides the possibility that someone is probably trying to keep the forest safe from intruders.

After the scene with purple fire we are shown two new characters that I have a whole theory on. Their analysis will be saved for last. The only thing I'd like to say before moving on is that these two could not possibly be Iduna and Agnarr. You don’t just turn ginger if you’re blonde and the girl seems to have tanner skin than Iduna, yes it could be the lighting messing with my eyes or something but the girl also has brown eyes whereas Iduna has light blue. The girl also has a lighter hair color and a different eyebrow shape. And the boy has an upturned nose where Agnarr has a hooked nose. I know there's some “confirmation” from someone who apparently works at disney but I really don’t believe that. They really look nothing at all alike when you start to analyze their features.

Next the crew is looking at the enchanted forest. This scene most likely takes place after Elsa goes through the fog while revealing the four runes we know to be symbolizing Earth, Water, Air and Fire.

But how can she move the fog? Her powers are of Ice and snow- not Air. Although I guess you could argue her power is water and clouds/fog is a form of water. It's worth mentioning she did make clouds in the first movie as well. But I have another theory as to why she was able to move the fog which I will get into later.

In the last seconds of the first trailer Anna grabs kristoff’s sword and attacks someone. In the raw audio file we hear a “woah!” Coming from a deep voice. Many believe this is Hans. Considering they went north not south I find this hard to believe. I’m not sure why Hans would be all the way up in the north or why he would make a comeback but on some sites it does show that his voice actor returns so there is a possibility.

Now onto parts of the second trailer I didn’t discuss yet. The events are extremely out of order so instead I will be analyzing it in chronological order.

We are shown a flashback with Elsa and Queen Iduna looking up at aurora borealis. This must be the night that Elsa hurt Anna. If you look at the wallpaper it’s different from Elsa’s single room and looks the same as the one in Anna and Elsa’s room. Iduna must be explaining something about her past to her as that is what Grandpappie talks about in the background.

Next Elsa is shown chasing magic that is constantly changing form and shape. She is definitely singing in this scene so we know it is extremely important. I have seen people say this is a dream because she’s in a nightgown and it’s black all around her but I disagree. Considering the fact that she’s shown chasing the magic off a cliff outside and at her feet is grass.

And the very next thing she does is use her magic to summon the crystals with runes. 

EDIT: From the spoilers dropped at the Annecy festival we have learned that this scene takes place after the main group just finished playing charades and went to bed. Throughout this time Elsa hears a voice and begins to look for it. This leads her outside where she begins to use her magic along with the magic message she is chasing.

Anna notices this and runs to the balcony in the first trailer. I believe these crystals showed up around the entire kingdom which made the trolls take notice. Which is why they come to Elsa, Anna and Kristoff in front of regular townsfolk who went outside to see what was happening.  

The trolls have come of course, to tell Elsa she must travel north. There she will learn of her past and an ancient evil our heroes must face.

Back to the scene with Elsa chasing around magic- this is where I start to get into my theory. I theorize that Elsa is chasing a message sent to her. It shows the Nokk and the Earth Golem’s that she later faces and then turns into autumn leaves that we know references the enchanted forest. This message is telling her to come to the enchanted forest and showing her what she must face in order to figure out her past. 

Edit: I still believe that she is chasing a message. After all, the magic she chases suddenly disappears and it doesn’t look like ice/snow magic in my opinion. 

I would like to bring up this leak:

In it it says “along the journey she will discover the life she was meant to live”.

This might seem far fetched but- remember those kids we saw in the first trailer?They are in the enchanted forest and someone we don’t see uses wind magic. I believe these three kids are guardians of the forest that Elsa was supposed to grow up with and the scene we see is a flashback. The girl possibly has fire powers, the boy being blown into the air has earth magic and obviously the character we don’t see has wind magic. Elsa is the one that symbolizes water. Remember how I talked about the fog that covered the entrance to the forest before? The reason I believe she was able to move it is because she is of the four children of the elements meant to go through it. A normal person who is not worthy can’t pass unless one of the elemental sorcerers was with them.

One thing that could debunk this is their clothes. The boy seems to be a noble considering the colors and style while the girl a commoner. If they’re supposed to be growing up together it wouldn’t make sense they’d dress so differently but maybe i’m looking to deep into it.

Edit: Part of this could have been debunked as it is rumored/implied the boy we see is in fact Elsa and Anna’s father. Do I really believe that? I’m not sure. Like I said before they don’t really look alike to me so I’m still skeptical. Though parts of my theory still stands. It just means the kids we see in the flashback will be much older if we see them in the present.

I heard a theory that perhaps Grandpappie was asked to remove parts of Elsa’s memory long ago. Which is why he said “the past is not what it seems”. Perhaps Iduna took Elsa away from these group of sorcerers to be raised as a princess instead. We know that Iduna will be an important character and this might be a stretch but when I went to see the frozen musical on Broadway Iduna had a closer relationship to “the hidden folk”. So maybe she had asked grandpappie for help to remove Elsa’s memories. Why? I am not at all sure. There’s not enough context or leaks for motive. The obvious motive is something dangerous but we don’t know what the danger is.

In the same illustration it says that an ancient magic awakens. This is something we still have no knowledge of so I can’t really guess what it is.

Next I’d like to bring up this leak:

Judging from this I think Anna will most likely be on the back burner in this movie. In the trailers she doesn’t smile once but Elsa is constantly excited and is shown smiling many times. Elsa and Anna seemed to have completely flipped from the first movie. This movie will be showing everyone separated many times and will bring many new characters to the table. We know there's going to be three new important character’s- at least important enough to get funko pops.

There are more leaks out but I don’t think they’re relevant so I won’t be sharing. I’m too lazy to go and look for sources but I might link them later. If you really wanna see them just look on the tumblr or twitter search honestly they’re everywhere but no influential people are doing coverage on it.

All in all those are my thoughts and analysis on the frozen 2 teaser trailers. I am so excited for this movie. Let me know what your theories are in the comments or if you have any additions to what i’ve said just let me know!