#and i have a 6 hour train journey ahed of me tomorrow and then a concert

[seenthisepisode]

if my immunity system decided not to work then why should i

[galassyalex]

overwrite

robot!albedo au word count: 1773

warnings: angst, character death

Log:

New role: Chief Alchemist of Mondstadt

“I’m so proud of you, Albedo! But as you know, I’ll be leaving Mondstadt with my husband. I need a favor from you. I want you to take care of my daughter, Klee You’ll be her older brother! We’ll be a family. I trust you’ll protect her and take care of her.”

New role: Older brother

New relationship with: Klee 

New main goal: Protect klee. 

>> Fast forward. Two weeks, 6:04 PM. Mondstadt gate. Log resumes. 

“No! Mom! Klee wants mom to stay!”

Klee is crying, this is a sign of discomfort, overwhelming and sadness. Running analysis. Analysis completed. Klee is sad because Alice, maternal figure, is leaving. 

“Klee, sweetie, mommy needs to leave for work, but your awesome brother Albedo will take care of you.”

Action noted: Hug. A “hug” is performed to comfort and usually bring happiness to both parties. 

“Go with albedo, Klee. Your mother and i should get going now”

New role: Caretaker

New task: comfort klee

Action performed: hug

>> Fast forward. Next day, 2:07 AM. Bedroom. Log resumes. 

“Albedo, are you busy?”

Klee has red eyes, a sign of crying. 

Klee’s hair is messy, a sign that she was sleeping.

Klee is shaking, a sign of discomfort and fear. 

Possible conclusion: Klee has woken up from a nightmare.

Course of action: comfort. 

“Did you have a nightmare? You can stay here if you’d like, sleep in my bed if you need to. I’ll be here watching over you.”

“Thank you ‘bedo, good night!”

Klee has fallen asleep. To ensure a good slumber, tuck her in. 

Action completed. 

New emotions learnt.

Commence night mode. 

>> Fast forward. Six months later, 3:16 pm. Lab. Log resumes. 

“Mister Albedo, another wonderful experiment. I-I’ll write down the results in the report!”

Sucrose is showing excitement. Positive emotion caused by a successful experiment. 

Tasks completed. 

New task: talk with Acting Grand Master Jean. 

>> Fast forward. 5:46 PM. Acting Grand Master’s office. Log resumes.  

“Albedo, I understand your request. But i’m afraid I’ll have to deny it.”

“Why’s that, master Jean?”

“It’s too risky, both the adventurer’s guild and the Knights of Favonius are not prepared for Dragonspine. Sending our chief alchemist on his own after only six months of acting is not a wise decision.”

“Then I believe the knights are not competent.”

“Albedo I ask you to not refer to the knights in such a way. I understand your displeasure but Dragonspine is simply too dangerous. You’re dismissed.”

Master Jean is frowning and rubbing circles on her temple. She seems to be upset at the remark made and also is under a lot of stress. Best course of action is to leave.

“Have a good day, Master Jean.”

Captain Kaeya is in the halls of the headquarters. 

New task: Talk to Captain Kaeya

“Good afternoon, Captain Kaeya”

“Ah, but if it isn’t mondstadts favorite alchemist, what is it that seems to trouble you?”

Captain Kaeya: seems to have taken a liken to me. Claims that people are “into me”. I’m unaware of the meaning of this expression. Is chatty and charming. Difficult to read. 

New task: ask for Kaeya’s support by complimenting him.

“I want to set off to Dragonspine, but Master Jean has denied me permission. She says the knights aren’t ready and I should not go alone. I ask for your help, since you seem to be one of the most skilled knights in this place.”

“Someone seems to be good at sweet talking. Tell you what, I have no specific team to lead but I’ll help you out. Some training should convince Jean you can do it. Plus, you can escape quickly with your Geo vision.” 

“Thank you, Captain Kaeya. I’m truly grateful.”

“Just Kaeya.”

“Captain Kaeya.”

“Kaeya.”

“Chivalry Captain Kaeya.”

“Okay now you’re messing with me. You truly are something.”

Kaeya seems pleased with the interaction.

Go back to the lab and complete the last tasks. 

“I’ll see you around, Kaeya.”

 >> Fast forward. 8:09 PM. Living room. Log resumes. 

“What would you like for dinner, Klee?”

“It’s Klee and dodoco!”

Dodoco is Klee’s doll. Dodoco is not alive. Dodoco can’t think nor move, dodoco cannot eat. This is a weird request. Conducting analysis.

Analysis complete. This is a normal thing for children. Go along with it. 

“I’m sorry. What would Klee and Dodoco like for dinner?”

“We want fish!!”

“Alright, would you like some rice with it?”

“Yes!”

“And lemon?”

“That too!! You’re the best Albedo!”

Klee has praised you, it causes a pleasant feeling. Respond.

“I’m not all that Klee, but thank you.”

Talking bad about one self is a common way to receive compliments. Yet it is a dumb one. 

Klee doesn’t seem to be paying attention anymore, children have short attention spans. Information recorded. 

New task: cook dinner 

Task completed. 

New task: serve the food.

“Klee, do you mind setting the table?”

“Okay!”

Giving children small tasks around the house helps their development. By having plastic tableware it avoids accidents. Good job. 

Task completed. 

“Let’s dig in.”

Klee enjoyed the food and also became happy talking about her day. It is now 9:00 PM, Klee’s bed time is approaching. 

>> Fast forward two years and six months. 2:08 PM. Lab. Log resumes.

“ALBEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Klee has barged in. Check for damages. 

“Klee! Are you okay?”

Analysis started. Turn the subject around. Do it again. Pat her arms. 

Analysis completed, no damages taken. 

“Goal: Protect Klee” is unaffected. 

“Thank the archons you’re not hurt. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you did.”

“You worry too much, Albedo! Klee is a big girl now!”

This is a lie. Klee is 5 years and two months old. 

“What did you want to tell me?”

“Well! I went out to test my bombs and they’re a success!! I even added my own notes to mommy’s instructions! I can’t wait to show her! But I know I won’t be able too yet, so I wanted to show you since you’re the next best thing!” 

Klee’s ranking: Alice, Albedo, Kaeya, Razor, Amber, Sucrose, Lisa, Jean

Children are brutally honest.

Klee wants to share her bombs, you are currently busy.

Priority ranking: current experiment, Klee

Priority ranking: changed. 

“Haha, alright sunshine. Let’s go.”

“You’re not busy?”

“It can wait. Oh but first, can you give me the feather on your hat?”

“Sure!! What for?”

You’ve obtained Klee’s feather.

You’ve modified it successfully.

“I’m gonna let you test out your bombs more, and also conduct your own experiments. This will let me take care of you while we’re not together. If anything happens, tap it twice and i’ll be right there.”

“Woah! Thanks Albedo!! Now let’s go.”

Klee is happy. 

Goal. “Protect Klee” is affected positively.

I’m happy. 

>> Fast forward. Two days later. 11:08 AM. Lab. Log resumes. 

“Timaeus will be joining me in my journey in Dragonspine. Sucrose, I trust that you’ll take good care of the shop.”

“O-of course Albedo!” 

Sucrose seems to be pondering about something.

I decide to not pry, for it is none of my business.

“We’ll get going now.”

>> Fast forward. 1:26 PM. Dragonspine. Log resumes.

My sketch of the hillichurls dancing is complete. 

Peaceful time interrupted, the hillichurls seem to have noticed people and are now attacking them. Shame. 

It appears that Sister Rosaria was one of them.

“We met a girl in mondstadt, Sucrose! She said you were stuck with your research!”

“Then you must be the honorary knight, all of mondstadt is talking about you.”

They truly interest me. My research will benefit greatly with their cooperation. 

New relationship with: Honorary Knight

New relationship with: Paimon

New tasks: run tests with the pair. 

>> Fast forward, 1 minute. Dragonspine, Log Resumes.

“Paimon’s got a brain! But what is the seed gonna become?”

“Well if it turns into a fruit, then dinners on me.”

“Yay!! I’m holding you to it!”

“You seem to be able to look through Paimon easily.”

“Ah… let’s just say i have to take care of a child occasionally. One of the non-alchemy related disciplines i'm good at.”

Klee reminder.

Check on Klee.

Checking… 

Klee is with Razor, they’re hunting.

Klee is safe. 

“You okay there Albedo?”

“Ah yes, apologies. I just zoned out for a bit.” 

Commence tests.

Fight against slimes. Successful.

Potion. No notable changes.

Willpower. Failed. 

I’m hungry.

Cooking test. Average outcome, but they seem good at cooking. 

Vision test. Average.

Reaching the goal. Successful. Better than the average citizen. 

This brings new questions. Unlimited possibilities

Paimon interrupted. 

Commence intelligence test. Successful! 

“Thank you for your work, this is really useful. Come see me again tomorrow.”

“Bye Albedo!”

New task: clean up and organize today's research.

Task complete.

Check on Klee.

Klee is with Captain Kaeya, she’s braiding his hair. 

Klee is safe. 

Entering night mode. 

>> Fast forward. Next day, 11:45 AM. Dragonspine Camp. Log resumes

“Hi Albedo!”

“Hm? Oh, honorary knight, Paimon, why are you here? Never mind, catch.”

Action completed: give the sword to the traveler in an aggressive manner. 

“You into forging or what? Didn’t take you for the blacksmith type.”

Action completed: explained the origin of the sword. 

We ran some more tests, but we got ambushed by treasure hoarders. 

>> Fast forward. 6 PM. Dragonspine Camp. Log resumes

Klee notification: Klee has stood in front of the lab for 15 seconds.

New task: Spend time with klee

“I’ll do that later.”

Overwriting priorities…

Albedo priority ranking: Research, Klee.

>> Fast forward. One hour and thirty minutes later. 7:30 PM. Dragonspine Lab.

“I’m not making progress…”

Checking on Klee

Klee last location: Dragonspine

“What?! Why is she here?”

Now guiding too: Klee’s location

>> Fast forward. Ten minutes later. 7:40 PM. Dragonspine. Log resumes

There’s a backpack on the ground

Action completed: Lift the backpack

Klee: Pulse stopped two hours ago. Cause of death: Frostbite.

“KLEE!”

Action completed: yell

Goal: “Protect Klee” failed.

System status: Overwhelmed

Calling Alice

“Albedo? It’s so late here why did you- Is… is that Klee?!”

System status: unresponsive

“...”

“Albedo- you… you prioritize your research over klee? Why? Why? Why?”

“Main goal failed, commencing shutdown.”

“What?! No! NO! Cancel! Overwrite! Main goal! Go to mondstadt!! Please! Albedo! I can’t lose both of you…”

Action performed: Hug klee

Self destruction in 3… 2… 1…

“ALBE-”

Can’t fast forward. Log ended. 

you achieved the true ending | gaaaah it wouldnt let me copy the format from the doc so i apologize if its wrong

masterlist for thsi au

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32-Epilogue

When he’d agreed to let Lucy move in with them, Natsu could admit it wasn’t the greatest idea to make a snap decision, because inside he knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Plus, it had also put Gray in a tough position, because he knew his friend wouldn’t be so heartless to kick out a female with a problem. Yeah, that was kind of a dick move for which he’ll be paying once the dust had settled. Especially now that they were finding out, just how difficult it was really going to be...

Nightmares? More like night terrors. It wasn’t every single night, but Lucy would often wake Natsu up at all hours as if reliving the events of the kidnapping. Physical movements, from fighting a Touka memory. The whines and screams, sometimes blood curdling shrieks as she’d shoot up in bed covered in a film of sweat, hyperventilating and still in the midst of an unseen attack. It was bad enough that Natsu started sleeping on his side, so if Lucy started swinging, his back took the brunt of it. He’d have to grab her arms and just hold her, doing his best to keep his voice low or soft, until she fully awoke from the dream state and collapsed into his arms in sheer exhaustion. Heaven help him, if this is what Levy had gone through for months, the woman deserved a Nobel peace prize for staying sane. After two weeks of this, Gray arranged with Levy to use Lucy’s room. He didn’t want to abandon Lucy, but the lack of sleep was starting to affect his school and job. It left Natsu all alone with his girlfriend, and frankly it was affecting him too. Not only the mental struggles, but the physical exhaustion made it difficult for him to get his job done. Makarov was a saint for being so understanding through it all.

“You look tired today,” Natsu’s therapist questioned in a toned statement. “I take it you’re still not getting enough sleep.”

The bags under his eyes were a dead giveaway to anyone that saw him. “Is it really that obvious?” Natsu responded with a bit of sarcasm to his tone.

“Is it your own demons or Lucy’s?”

“A mix of both.”

“Have you told her about your struggles or are you still hiding it. You know it’s better if you be honest with her.”

Way to go for the kill shot. The therapist went straight to the heart of things. Natsu sighed, “I told her a little... when she’d admitted being worried I’d leave her.”

“What did you say exactly?”

He fidgeted in the chair. “Well... literally, just that. I was just trying to kill her fears not worrying about my own at the time.”

“Ah. Well, maybe it’s time. You’ve told me that you’re trying hard to help her to get over her own struggles, but Natsu, you also need to take your own advice.”

Turn of the screws. But the therapist was right. “I know. I just worry it’ll add to her worries, which will make it worse, a-and that’s not gonna help either of us.”

“I think you should have more faith in Lucy. As you are her strength, she can be just as much yours. Don’t dismiss the idea before you even try it. If she feels like she’s helping you, it will give her a sense of accomplishment too, just like it gives you when you feel like you’re helping her.”

When the therapist put it that way, Natsu couldn’t help but pause and reflect on it, because damn the woman was making a lot of sense! Why did he fall in love with Lucy in the first place? Because of her feisty personality, that’s why. Had he forgotten? The real Lucy was still in there, it just needed to find its way back to the surface. There’s no harm in being honest about feeling scared or guilty. Kind of bare his heart to her in a way.

“Alright. I’ll give it a shot.”

He knew if he’d waited to confront this, he’d find an excuse not to do it. So that night after dinner, Natsu sat Lucy down for a heart to heart and bore his soul. His fears, his guilt, how the brave face he showed her day after day really just hid his own pain and insecurities over the situation. It was difficult and freeing at the same time to get it off his chest.

“Thank you for telling me, Natsu... that actually makes me feel a little better, because I thought I was going through it alone all this time. I mean, you being positive helps to keep me a little grounded, but it also made me feel like a burden. I want to help you as much you help me.”

“Are you sure? I just don’t want to add to your struggles.”

“I can’t tell you it won’t always be easy, so, all I can tell you is right now is I don’t think it will.”

“Okay— then promise me that you’ll say something if it is, a-and we’ll figure out something else.”

Lucy took Natsu’s hands in her own, “now that, I will promise.”

But despite their decision to co-fight, Natsu still took the initiative for Lucy and himself to figure out how to make things better... or lose his sanity in trying. He scoured psychology websites, searching for therapy’s and techniques used for PTSD, anxiety, depression, or anything related that might be useful, even meditation. It was a lot of work, but the information was useful, and he learned a lot about helping Lucy and himself to heal. Some of the horror stories were difficult to read, yet many of the survivors stories he came across provided the much needed encouragement to get through this ordeal.

The first thing Natsu decided to tackle was the nightmares, and to do that he’d learned he first needed to deal with the underlying causes. Pent up emotions being unleashed in Lucy’s subconscious as she slept were producing these horrific night terrors. With suggestions from both his therapist as well as Lucy’s, Natsu encouraged her every night before bed to write, write anything that came to mind, and he gently coaxed her into letting go of the worst thoughts. Unleash it onto the page, as the therapist put it. Then, together they would meditate using a relaxation technique he’d found appealing. Meditation wasn’t something Natsu thought he’d take a liking to, or even believed would work. But after learning more about it, decided it was worth a shot. 

Everyone he knew used to tell him, it’s about clearing your mind of all thoughts... yeah, uh-huh, who the hell can pull that off? No, in this other technique it started off by saying that’s almost impossible, and that immediately caught his attention. It taught them about learning to control instead, to have thoughts, but focus them, compartmentalize them away and let them become background static you could more easily ignore through habituation. Ever wonder how a person can sleep near an airport or a train track? It’s because you get used to the sound. Once that’s done, you zero in on something you do want to think about, a nice memory, a sound, whatever you choose. Let it soothe and relax you until the next thing you know, your mind wants nothing more than to fall away into dreamland.

It took a few days of pushing Lucy through each step, because at first, she really did not want to rehash, even in a fictional way, the events of the kidnapping. So, Natsu would pull her onto his lap, with his arms around her waist while she held the paper and pen, closely monitoring her body language. The tensing and shaking were his first signs... ‘it’s okay, let it go...’ he’d whispered and tightened his hold, continuing the positive mantras, ‘you’re safe now, you can do this, I’ve got ya...’ Next came the release in the form of tears. A trickle, like a cracking of a dam, until it burst forth. Words on paper and liquid trails along her cheeks, but it was a good thing. All the anger and negativity flowing out instead of walled up in her mind. After a couple of weeks, the techniques were showing signs of working. Lucy awoke less and less because of the nightmares. She was still having some, but they weren’t to the same degree or frequency they’d once been.

“Yup... uh-huh, n-no, really, I am doing much better Lev. Yeah, we’ll visit tomorrow.... That sounds awesome. It’s be awhile since I’ve eaten sushi... I’m pretty sure... I’ll be okay, I promise… Yeah, we’ll meet you at Genki Zushi… Uh-huh, you too Levy. Good night.”

As soon as Lucy hung up her phone call, Natsu checked to make sure she really was okay with the plan to go out for dinner. It’d been just over three months since Lucy went anywhere aside from the doctors or police station willingly.

“I need to do this,” she stammered, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I can’t stay locked away forever.”

Natsu kissed her on the forehead. “I’m really proud of you babe.”

“I’m proud of us both,” Lucy smiled. “But I couldn’t do this without your support.”

Such a simple phrase meant the world to Natsu. After the last two months of struggle, his therapists advice was coming to fruition, or at least his truly believing it was possible. They were on the road to healing and nothing felt better than that, because one of the hardest legs of their journey was coming up fast.

[fuwafuwamedb]

The King’s Dumu Lugal Pt 13 (CasGil, Hakuno)

Previously: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 , 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

____

“Gil?”

He could sense her like a limb, feeling her close to his side before he turned around. The city that they had arrived in, the world of golden splendor and rich colors, had become their home for the time being. Today would be their first time venturing out, their attire covering their human features compared to these strangers that stood around them.

Turning around, he felt his breath stop.

“I think this is the first time I’ve gotten you to make that face,” she teased, standing before him in the white fabrics that looked like they belonged to that Roman emperor they’d met before. Her brown hair was curling around her shoulders, her fringe threatening to fall over her eyes as she looked up at him with those golden brown eyes of hers. More than anything, he saw his necklace around her neck, his traveling king’s necklace that he’d set upon her after their night of sexual escapades.

“Uruk jewelry suits you,” he forced out, pressing his hands to the windowsill of the train.

“And that’s the first compliment I think I’ve ever gotten from you. Are you feeling alright, Gil? Is the humidity getting to you?”

Her gloved hand met his forehead, but he didn’t let it linger.

No, rather- he clasped it with his own and began to lead her down to their train compartment for the journey.

“You’re being a fool, Hakuno. I give you what compliments are due.”

“Do you? What compliments have you given?”

“If you cannot remember then why should I care to tell you any further? Are you looking to become like that fool, Rin? Are you so incapable of being as you are, free from the burden of requiring compliments to support any ego you may possess?”

She pulled him to a stop as more of the shadowy figures passed on the train. Her magic helped to remain concealed from their attentions, just as it had for the hotel and their lives thus far in this place.

“I still don’t get why we don’t just take Vimana.”

“Pleasure, Hakuno. We do this for pleasure. Why use our own resources when we can utilize this world’s own?”

“You are my pleasure. This is just superfluous.”

Gilgamesh opened his eyes, staring up at the canopy over his head.

He was her pleasure.

Ah, but his little woman could say that so well to him. What he needed was for her to say that again. Once more, just for him.

Looking to the pillows at his side, he found nothing of her presence. Merely the slightest indentation showed that anyone had been there, although the crease was deep and large enough to no doubt be his own.

“Hakuno!”

“We’re in here!”

Caster moved to stand up, grabbing his bathrobe from behind the door and noting the empty crib. He could see Hakuno pacing in the living room, rocking the young boy in her arms as she went.

“Hakuno, it’s still nighttime.”

“Ur was beginning to wake up and starting to make noises. He was about to cry when I went to him.” She waved a hand. “Go on back to bed. I’ll come back in a bit.”

She would not come back and they both knew that. She was barely dressed, wearing only his establishment vacation shirt at the moment. Her hair was tied back sloppily, her eyes rimmed in fatigue.

“Do you do this often?”

“He is little,” she told him simply.

“Let me see the boy.”

The moment he reached for the boy, he found her pulling away, her arms pressing him closer to her chest. The shift gave him a better view now.

She was comfort nursing.

“Hakuno-“

“It’s fine, Gil. Go back to bed.”

“The boy is old enough to be having mashed food. He doesn’t need to-“

“He’s fine, Gil,” she told him again, her voice growing firmer.

He was fine. That was true. However, Hakuno was not. The woman was swaying slightly. Her eyes kept threatening to close as she held their son to herself more and murmured to him about how good he was.

Once more, he had to remember that she was unaccustomed to help. Gudako and the others had done a great disservice to the woman by isolating her and leaving the boy to her care alone. A babysitter could only help in such a way.

“Hakuno,” Caster addressed, softening his voice now. His hands reached out, slowly, going for her back rather than the child now. He could feel her brown hair tickling at her neck, teasing his hands as he began to rub soothing circles just there.

“Go back to sleep,” she tried again.

“I cannot sleep without my wife,” he murmured. “I need my beautiful woman who suits Uruk jewelry in my bed.”

The small smile looked forced, but he leaned in, pressing his lips to hers.

“Sit with me on the sofa at least. Let me hold you while our son soothes his own night hour blues away.”

“Gil-“

He kissed her again, soft, fleeting kisses. They quelled her arguments into dormancy, leaving her trailing after him as he guided her path to the plush cushions of the sofa. He lowered himself to the seating first, bringing her into his arms and rewarding her tired presence with more of those longer, lovelier lip locks that she seemed so fond of.

This was not how he had imagined the early morning hours, considering that the clock on the mantel in the room flashed a three in the morning time at them.

“He needed me,” Hakuno murmured.

“He is a baby, he needs both his parents. Since he is from me, I will warn that he will no doubt need you until you are on your death bed. I find time to pray to my mother each evening, sometimes several times in a day.”

“Hmm?”

“Did I not mention it before? My mother is a goddess.”

“I… I didn’t think you prayed at all,” she confessed.

Caster flicked at her forehead.

“Gil!”

“Do you think I lack principle? She gave me life. She did what she could for me at any time I had need of her. I pay my dues as all sons do. Ur will be no different. I imagine he’ll cling to your ankles when I go to teach him magic.”

“He doesn’t need to learn magic.”

He would, but that was an argument for another night.

Caster pulled the woman in more, his lips finding her neck. “You need rest, Hakuno.”

“I rest better with Ur close.”

“You make me tempted to force my master to take you away for an obligatory few hours each day for resting and doing something elsewhere in Chaldea.”

“Absolutely not. I did having you babysit. You took Ur to Uruk.”

Did they not review this?

It was the means to an end and have gone over perfectly. She had managed what she had needed in that time and would have been unable to help if she had stopped. The smell alone that Hakuno had possessed had been a good sign that his decision had been fore the best.

“You have to trust me, Hakuno.”

“I trust you.”

Did she?

Gilgamesh glanced at Ur again, noting his head leaning against her chest. Almost sensing it, he turned his gaze up to see her watching him, knowing without words what he was thinking.

That bemused stare trying to sear him into inaction did nothing.

“This is our child,” he pointed out, running a hand over Ur’s back and pulling Hakuno closer. “Yours and mine. That means that when he makes a mistake, it is also my mistake. When he speaks ill, it is also I who speaks ill.”

“He is still learning though. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“True, but I have this woman, this wife, you see.” He pressed his lips to hers again, pulling Ur a little closer to himself. “She thinks she’s all alone in this, far too accustomed to being the martyr for our boy. She fails to see that Ur is our son. There are nights where I should be the one climbing to their feet and pacing around the living room.”

The boy made a happy sigh, those red eyes opening only for a moment as he pulled him from her arms.

“You should be admiring your boys, the man whom you took pleasure in and the son you dared to give to this world, and should be more selfish.”

“I’m selfish by wanting you both with me.”

Ah, but that was selfless, since all she did was give, wasn’t it?

He pulled the blanket down from the back of the couch, wrapping it around Ur and cooing to him as Hakuno rested against his side. Her hands brushed back the wispy blond hairs from the boy’s head, her voice gentle as she praised him.

“Tomorrow night, should he cry, you need to awaken me.”

“You died from a lack of sleep, Gil. I heard it from Gudako.”

“And you’re still alive. Isn’t that convenient?” He stole those lips, nipping the lower one as he pulled back. “From dusk until dawn, Ur’s actions are my responsibility.”

“What about during the day?”

“I suppose the diapers may be yours. Since you are so adamant on coddling him.”

The bickering ensued, entertaining in their own way until she closed those eyes of hers and began to drift off. He had to pull the two close, carrying them back to bed and setting Hakuno down so he could pull Ur from her arms and set him back in his crib.

The boy was quite happy, spoiled beyond all measure.

He rocked the crib when he awakened for breakfast. Looking through his gates, he found the dress he had dreamed of Hakuno wearing.

Had there been no blood staining it, he’d have let her wear it.

What happened, he wondered to himself again.

“Gil?”

He kicked the dress beneath the bed, pulling out a set of robes from Uruk and smirking proudly.

“What’s this?”

“Today is breakfast with all of Chaldea,” he declared, smirking. “Get dressed, Hakuno. You’ve hidden away with Ur for long enough.”

[rollercoasterwrite]

THE SELFISHNESS OF OUR HEARTS - A YEAR IN THE LIFE | CHAPTER 9 - ESCAPE.

This a follow-up story to the Selfishness of Our Hearts - entirely available here

Chapter 1  Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Pairing : JongyuUuuuuUUUU Summary : What happened the past two years [Part 7] Genre : Romance, angst and heartbreak.

Word Count : 10 000 words ~

Jonghyun knew there wasn’t much he could do at this point. Despite having spent the remaining hours he had left to study for his exam, the actual test hadn’t gone as well as it should have. And he was the only one to blame for that.

Once again, he hadn’t been able to set his limit. He had let himself drown in everything that was Jinki because that’s honestly all he had wanted to care about in that moment. But now that he was back to the surface, he didn’t know what to do.

He had meant everything he had said about wanting them to be together, but he also couldn’t forget this side of Jinki he had seen again the previous night. He was ready to get past it, but it also made him feel a little scared. He was starting to realize there was much about Jinki he probably didn’t know. Things from his past that had made him the way he was today.

Jonghyun knew these were all things they needed to talk about, but he knew how fragile their peace was right now and he didn’t want to risk any shattering that would leave them even more broken. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wish that their story had been written differently.

He had spent the remainder of his day in a cubicle trying to work on an essay that was due in a week, but from feeling like a failure because of his previous exam and from the whole distraction that his relationship had become, he hadn’t been able to do much.

Realizing staring at his screen any longer wouldn’t get him any further, he picked up his phone and slid his chair away from the table. A frown creased his brow as his eyes caught the notifications at the forefront of his screen. It wasn’t long before he was reading the two text messages he had missed since he had last looked at his phone 40 minutes ago.

[Jinki]

Hey, baby… When are you coming back?

Jonghyun stared at the message for a while, chewing on his bottom lip, before moving on to the next.

[Jaehyeon]

Hey ~ I haven’t seen you around today… Wanna get a drink or something?

Jonghyun stared again, feeling uneasy, before letting out a long sigh.

It was never a pleasant thing for him to ignore people, but he didn’t feel like seeing either of them right now. It wouldn’t make anything better, but for now, it felt like the best thing to do.

He clearly didn’t want to keep hiding away and pretending like he was actually doing something. Plus, his stomach was starting to feel hollow; after all, he only had had coffee and a pastry in the morning. He knew he needed to eat before his body actually gave up on him, but he also didn’t want to be alone.

He looked at his phone again as the answer to his predicament became very clear in his mind. He knew things might not go the way he wanted them to, but now was as good of a time to try. It wasn’t long before the phone was glued to his ear, his growing feeling of apprehension making his heart race and his mouth dry.

‘’ Well, well, well… look who is calling. ‘’

Jonghyun’s shoulders sank as his chest tightened, half-relieved and half-scared now that he actually had him on the line.  

‘’ Hey… ‘’

A brief silence followed, one that he didn’t know how to fill.

‘’ Is there something wrong? ‘’ the other asked as he picked up on the unease Jonghyun so easily failed to hide.

‘’ Um… no…. I… ‘’ Jonghyun closed his eyes and took a deep breath. ‘’ What are you doing right now? ‘’

‘’ Was just about to fix myself dinner… why? ‘’

‘’ Would you like to go eat something with me instead? ‘’ he immediately offered as if he’d never get the chance to again.

‘’ Do you finally miss me, Jjong? ‘’

The latter could sense the teasing edge to his friend’s tone which made him feel more at ease.

‘’ I did miss you… a lot… ‘’ he said as guilt coursed through him. ‘’ There’s just been-

‘’ It’s fine, Jjong. I know, ‘’ the other cut in. ‘’ We’re adults and life’s demands get in the way. ‘’

‘’ Yeah… ‘’

‘’ So where do you want to go? ‘’

‘’ Um… How about that cozy restaurant not far from yours? ‘’

‘’ Hamkke? ‘’  

‘’ Yeah. ‘’

‘’ Yeah, sure. When can you be there? ‘’

Jonghyun looked at the time on his laptop’s screen. ‘’ In about thirty minutes. ‘’

‘’ Okay, cool. I’ll probably arrive a little before to get us a table. ‘’

Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile. ‘’ Cool. See you soon. ‘’

‘’ Yeah, see ya. ‘’

He waited for the latter to hang up before doing the same. It was a few minutes before he was out of the cubicle and the library and making his way to his locker which was situated a few floors down and at the opposite end of the school.

As he walked through the hallways again, a wince gripped his features as the stiffness that had settled in his limbs during the past few hours called for attention. A few shoulder rolls helped get rid of some of the discomfort, but it wasn’t enough. The thought of a good relaxing massage instinctively crossed his mind as he made it closer to his locker.

Imagining a strong hand kneading the knots in his tense back didn't make him any more ready for the feel of an actual hand on his back. The sensation had him almost jumping out of his shoes and letting out a shriek that he would have never forgiven himself for letting out.

‘’ Calm down. It's just me, ‘’ Jaehyeon said, laughing.

The tall young man soon stepped into his line of vision as if further proof was needed, but all that did was give the smaller one the opportunity to glare at him.

‘’ Don't come up behind me like that, ‘’ Jonghyun reproved as a deep crease furrowed his brow.

The other's lips curled into a pout. ‘’ Where would the fun be then? ‘’

That obvious attempt at winning him over didn't make Jonghyun waver one bit. ‘’ I think we have very different definitions of fun, ‘’ he dryly remarked.

‘’ That's why we work so well together, ‘’ Jaehyeon immediately threw back, lips stretching into a smug smile. ‘’ It's called complementarity. ‘’

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at that.

‘’ Talking about fun… ‘’ Jaehyeon continued. ‘’ Did you get my message? ‘’

Jonghyun’s eyes flicked downwards at that question, his body tensing up again with unease.

‘’ Um, no… ‘’ he started, arms coming up to cross over his chest like a shield. ‘’ I was trying to write that essay for the Media and Politics class all day, so I turned off my phone… ‘’

He looked up again as if to verify that his lie was credible enough, doing his best to ignore the lump that guilt had formed in his throat.

What he got in response was a wide-eyed stare and a hissed curse.

‘’ I completely forgot about that essay, ‘’ Jaehyeon uttered in a panicked voice.  

Jonghyun reveled in his relief only for a second before reassuring the other. ‘’ It’s due in a week, don’t worry. ‘’

‘’ Still, ‘’ Jaehyeon exclaimed, not at all calmed. ‘’ That’s a big one and Mr. Park is very strict and I’ve already had a so-so mark in the previous essay and this class is one of the most important ones and how could I even forget about this I’m so stupid I-

‘’ Jaehyeon, ‘’ Jonghyun brusquely interjected as the other’s distress started to overwhelm him.

The taller one’s mouth closed instantly and his eyes locked with his, showing he was fully attentive again.

‘’ What’s going on? ‘’ Jonghyun asked with a look of concern.

‘’ What do you mean? ‘’ Jaehyeon returned all too seriously.

‘’ I’ve never seen you panic… ‘’

Their eye contact made him immediately see the flash of discomfort in his friend’s eyes.

‘’ Ah yeah… ‘’ An awkward laugh left the latter’s lips. ‘’ I guess it’s just accumulated stress… ‘’

Jonghyun felt even more worried as their last encounter consequently flashed through his mind.

‘’ Did something happen? ‘’

‘’ No, no… don’t worry, ‘’ Jaehyeon answered with a smile that shone bright.  

‘’ Are you heading out? ‘’ he then asked as he gave a look to the bag that was resting on the other’s hip.

‘’ Yeah… ‘’ Jonghyun answered, eyes darting to said bag. ‘’ I’m having dinner with a friend actually, ‘’ he then revealed to avoid any more discomfort on his part.

The taller one’s lips curled into an exaggerated pout. ‘’ And I thought I was your only friend… ‘’

‘’ Sorry to disappoint, ‘’ Jonghyun replied with a lopsided smile. ‘’ Despite what you might think, I can socialize sometimes, ‘’ he bantered as his smile widened slightly.

‘’ Apparently, ‘’ Jaehyeon huffed, crossing his arms. ‘’ It seems like I really don’t know much about you, huh? ‘’

‘’ There isn’t much to know, really, ‘’ Jonghyun reassured as he gave him a few light pats on the shoulder. ‘’ Plus, you do know a lot already. ‘’

‘’ If you say so, ‘’ Jaehyeon dismissed with a slight eye roll before resuming his first train of thought.

‘’ I wanted to hang out, but since you obviously got better things to do, ‘’ he emphasized, ‘’ I guess I’ll catch you here tomorrow? ‘’

Jonghyun shook his head, chuckling lightly at his friend’s reaction. ‘’ Of course, ‘’ he then answered with a wide smile.

Jaehyeon mirrored it instantly. ‘’ Okay then. See ya, Jjong! ‘’

‘’ Bye, Jae, ‘’ Jonghyun returned before the other moved past him. His gaze followed him down the hallway until his silhouette wasn’t in his line of vision anymore.

A soft smile kept dancing on his lips as he started moving again, grateful that he hadn’t lost a friend. It was a few minutes until he was facing his locker and retrieving his outdoor clothing and boots from it before locking it again. Once he was fully clothed, he finally made his way out of the place that took most hours of his days.

Unlike most people he knew, Jonghyun hadn’t had a linear academic journey. Getting a piece of paper that would allow him to get a stable and a valuable job by society’s standards hadn’t been at the forefront of his mind for a long time. Instead, Jonghyun had found himself trying to survive all these years. He had tried to find what really mattered to him. And it was only now in his late twenties, that he had a better idea of what it was. That lit a fire in him to give it his best.

Along the way, his sense of motivation hadn’t always been weakness-proof, but one thing he knew was that he didn’t want to give up. A few months from now, he would be graduating and then a whole new world of opportunities would open itself up to him. It was a stressful thing to think about, but it also felt incredibly freeing.

Nothing had come easy to him so he wanted to cherish every little blessing that life had bestowed upon him. Right now, as he waited at the bus stop that stood only a few minutes away from the campus, he couldn’t help but thank the universe for the one who had seen him through his biggest challenges in life. He never felt like he had been able to give back as much as he had received and that weighed on him heavily, even more so now.

All he could do to alleviate that feeling a little was to close his eyes and let the cool air surrounding him wash over his tired features, simultaneously inviting some of it inside him with a deep breath. He remained in that meditative state for a few more minutes before the familiar rumble of the bus’s engine was picked up by his ears.

He got in, addressed the driver a courtesy smile, tapped his smart card on the sensor before him and walked fast to the back to settle into one of the only vacant seats left. The bus was pretty full, making him feel tense as his arms brushed against the two people that were on either side of him. Usually at this hour, he was still on campus either studying, working on an assignment, attending a class or preparing for his radio show. Meaning, he was not used to what the outside world looked like anymore at this time of day.

It was definitely too busy for his comfort. He liked to have space, lots of space, and being squeezed together with strangers like sardines in a can wasn’t doing it for him. The predicament he was forced to endure made for quite the stressful ride. The fifteen minutes it took to bring him to his friend’s neighborhood felt that much longer.

A loud sigh of relief left his mouth as he finally stepped out of the bus and into the fresh air again. The retrieved freedom his body and mind found as he started walking forward made him smile. Soon enough, he would be forgetting about all of life’s discomforts as he’d be enjoying a warm meal in great company.

Another ten minutes brought him to destination. He stopped a few steps shy from the front door, suddenly feeling a dull pinching pain in his abdomen as the realness of the present moment dawned on him. He was nervous.

It had been a while since they had last sat down together and during that time a lot had happened. For all his friend knew, everything was fine in his life. And even though a lot of it still was, what wasn’t couldn’t be denied. But that didn’t mean he had to lay it out on his friend. For once, he could show he didn’t need saving.

With that point settled in his mind, he finally closed in the distance between him and the door and went in. A whiff of savory scents wafted towards him, hitting his nostrils instantly and making his stomach protest with a soft grumble. He pushed back those sensations to focus on his surroundings. His eyes darted across the dimly lit public area filled with occupied wooden tables, his ears inadvertently picking up on the buzzing chatter animating the space. Before he could feel overwhelmed, he spotted the familiar face he had been picturing in his mind for the last hour.

Said face became illuminated with a bright smile which settled any lingering worry Jonghyun had. Mirroring it, he promptly made his way towards the back of the restaurant, happiness and excitement actively pumping through him.

‘’ For a moment there, I was scared that you wouldn’t remember my face, ‘’ Minho teased once he reached their table.

‘’ How could I forget your ugly face? ‘’ Jonghyun fired back, sporting a self-satisfied smile as the other’s mouth dropped open.

‘’ Is that a way to greet your best friend? ‘’ the other huffed, eyes wide with indignation.

‘’ Yes, it is, ‘’ Jonghyun maintained to further annoy his friend. He then went about taking off his coat and scarf before draping them over the back of his chair.

When his gaze caught his friend’s again, he couldn’t help but chuckle. He sat down, levelling his line of sight with the other’s, taking in the frown that hovered over his wider brown eyes.

‘’ Take it back, ‘’ Minho ordered.

‘’ Take what back? ‘’ Jonghyun feigned, amusement still dancing across his face.

‘’ I’m not ugly. ‘’

‘’ Either way, it doesn’t change anything, ‘’ the brunette kept on, moving his gaze towards the menu.

‘’ Should we order drinks first? ‘’ he asked matter-of-factly despite being glared at.

‘’ I’m not ordering anything with you until you take it back, ‘’ the younger one persisted, crossing his arms over his chest for added resolve.

Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow. ‘’ Seriously? ‘’

‘’ Yeah. ‘’

‘’ You know I’m joking. ‘’

‘’ So it should be easy for you to take it back then. ‘’

It was Jonghyun’s turn to frown. He apparently had forgotten about his friend’s annoying bouts of stubbornness.

‘’ Fine. I take it back, ‘’ he capitulated with a sigh. ‘’ You seem to have forgotten the many times I’ve praised your looks over the span of our friendship. ‘’

Upon hearing those words, the shift in the other’s demeanour was immediate. Unfolding his arms as a smile crept up his face, he said, ‘’ No, I haven’t forgotten. ‘’

Jonghyun shot him a death stare. ‘’ You’re a pain in the ass, you know that? ‘’

‘’ If I’m not mistaken, you do enjoy a good pain in the ass, don’t you? ‘’

The jibe left the brunette speechless, leaving him no other option but to flip him off. The action prompted a loud cackle out of the taller one which only contributed to his growing frustration.

‘’ Can we order some drinks before I decide to bite your head off? ‘’

‘’ Fine, fine, ‘’ Minho agreed, his voice shaking with lingering laughter.

Their first orders were soon picked up by the waitress that stopped by their table before they went on to look at the meal options that were listed on the menu.

Jonghyun hadn’t felt this hungry in a long time which made his ability to eliminate options very hard. He kept going over the pages until he saw his friend casting his menu aside.  

‘’ You’ve chosen? ‘’ he inquired.

‘’ Yes. I don’t know why I was looking to be honest, I always go for their Japchae. ‘’

‘’ I think I’ll just have the same, ‘’ Jonghyun settled as he closed his own. ‘’ I’ll die if I don’t eat soon. ‘’

‘’ Don’t tell me you’ve been forgetting to eat again, ‘’ Minho voiced with concern and a tinge of discontentment.

The brunette shook his head. ‘’ It doesn’t really happen anymore. ‘’

Before his friend could lecture him again on the importance of fuelling his body properly, the waitress came back with their drinks, a glass of rum for him and a bottle of soju for the other. The latter communicated their second order which gave him the opportunity to dip his lips into the golden-brown liquid that softly swayed inside the glass that he had just picked up from the table. The strong, velvety taste laced with sweetness made him sigh of contentment.

Once the waitress left again, Minho looked at him with an expression he couldn’t quite decipher.

‘’ Is everything alright, Jjong? ‘’

The question caught him off guard and for a few seconds, he could only stare back at him blankly.

‘’ Yeah, sure… ‘’ He slowly started. ‘’ Why? ‘’

‘’ I don’t know… You look tired… ‘’

‘’ Oh… well, I’ve been pretty busy with school and all, ‘’ Jonghyun answered as nonchalantly as he could.

‘’ Oh right, ‘’ Minho acknowledged. ‘’ But you’re graduating soon, right? ‘’

‘’ Yeah, in a few months. ‘’ Jonghyun looked into his glass again. ‘’ I guess I’m finally going to do something with my life, ‘’ he half-joked, half-pondered.

‘’ Jjong, please. Everything you’ve done before is what brought you to this point. None of it was a waste of time or worthless, ‘’ Minho intently replied.

Jonghyun lifted his head to look into his eyes again. ‘’ You always know what to say, don’t you? ‘’ he pointed out with a soft smile.

‘’ That’s right. I’m beauty and brains, ‘’ the younger one boasted before picking up his bottle and pouring some of the soju into his glass.

‘’ I’m going to act like you didn’t just say that, ‘’ Jonghyun informed before taking another sip of his drink.

Minho did the same before retaliating. ‘’ The truth is always hard to accept, I can’t blame you. ‘’

The brunette rolled his eyes. ‘’ Instead of acting like an idiot why don’t you tell me how work is going. ‘’

The younger one’s face lit up at that. ‘’ Oh, it’s great. The kids are really amazing this year. Some of them have great skills and even those who struggle work really hard to get better, ‘’ he enthusiastically shared, which made Jonghyun smile.

‘’ There is this one kid in particular, ‘’ Minho went on. ‘’ My colleagues keep saying he looks just like me and I don’t know if that’s true, but I do have a soft spot for him. He is kind of clumsy, but he always wants to make me proud. ‘’

‘’ I thought teachers couldn’t play favorites? ‘’ Jonghyun teased.

‘’ It’s not like I’m giving him special treatment or anything, ‘’ Minho argued. ‘’ It’s just that… I don’t know… ‘’

The rest of his thought stayed within him as he drank some more.

Jonghyun watched him, figuring it out for himself.

‘’ I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before, but I always thought you’d make a great dad. ‘’

He didn’t miss the look of surprise that flashed across his friend’s face before his eyes turned soft.

‘’ Thank you, Jjong, ‘’ Minho finally said. ‘’ It means a lot. ‘’

Jonghyun smiled. ‘’ It’s only the truth. ‘’

‘’ What about you? ‘’ Minho threw back as his index absentmindedly played with the tag on his bottle.

The other’s brow cocked. ‘’ What about me? ‘’ he echoed, confused.

‘’ Don’t you want kids? ‘’ the tall brunette inquired with curiosity.

Jonghyun was grateful that he hadn’t decided to take a sip at that moment, because he surely would’ve spat it all out.  

‘’ Are you crazy? ‘’ he exclaimed as his eyes doubled in size.

‘’ No. I’m being very serious right now, ‘’ Minho maintained, unbothered.

‘’ You’re definitely crazy then, ‘’ Jonghyun decided. ‘’ You should know that I can’t have kids, ‘’ he went on.

‘’ If you’re saying that because you’re gay-

‘’ No, ‘’ Jonghyun cut in. ‘’ I know there are options, but I just don’t think I’m built to take care of another human being. ‘’

‘’ Who is? ‘’ Minho instantly shot back. ‘’ You just take a leap and learn along the way. ‘’

‘’ If I take that leap, I’m pretty sure I’ll end up breaking my neck, ‘’ Jonghyun deadpanned.

‘’ Alright, ‘’ the younger one forfeited as he threw his hands up in defeat. ‘’ Let’s just wait and see what happens in a few years. ‘’ He followed up his words with a confident smile and then drank some more.

Jonghyun glared at him before following suit. There were a few seconds of silence during which his mind toyed with the prospect, creating for him a whole new world of possibilities he hadn’t really considered before.

‘’ I got you thinking, huh? ‘’ Minho teased as he crossed his arms over the table.

‘’ Not really, ‘’ Jonghyun lied. ‘’ All I’m really thinking about now is when I’ll have the honor of becoming a godfather, ‘’ he continued with a renewed energy for the subject that was his best friend’s personal life.

‘’ Godfather? ‘’ Minho repeated, confused. ‘’ To what child? ‘’

Jonghyun gave him a sharp flick on the arm, relishing briefly his exclamation of pain. ‘’ To your monster child. ‘’

‘’ No child of mine will be a monster. They’ll be the most perfect little thing on the entire planet, ‘’ the other settled with confidence.

The brunette rolled his eyes. ‘’ Whatever you say. ‘’

‘’ Yes, whatever I say, ‘’ Minho echoed with conviction.  

‘’ Unless you want me to find other potential candidates for the godfather position… ‘’ he added with an edge of provocation to his tone.

Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ I’m not worried about that. ‘’

Before the other could retaliate, the waitress came back with two hot bowls, which she rapidly placed in front of each of them before going back to her business.

Words took a backseat as they looked at the delicious-looking meal before them. Jonghyun was the first to make good use of his chopsticks and stuff his mouth with the mix of glass noodles, beef and veggies bathed in sweet savory sauce. He couldn’t help his moan of appreciation as he chewed through it, all the flavors crashing over his taste buds before making their trip downwards. As soon as his mouth was empty again, he stuffed it right up, not minding any of the good manners he knew he should have at table.

‘’ Jeez, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that hungry, ‘’ Minho remarked as he watched him with interest and disbelief.

‘’ Well I am, ‘’ Jonghyun managed to utter through a mouthful, his cheeks protruding like a squirrel with a full mouth of chestnuts.

The sight had the other shaking his head laughing before he proceeded to get to the contents of his own bowl.

It was a few minutes before Jonghyun allowed himself a breather, sinking back in his chair a bit to distance himself from the food. His glass was soon in his hand to fill himself up more with some liquid.

Once that need was met too, thoughts resurfaced in his mind, leading him to a question he had yet to have answered.

‘’ We’ve been talking about kids and all, but we haven’t talked about what comes before that, ‘’ he suddenly pointed out.

That was enough to get his friend’s attention off his own food and back on him.

‘’ You want to talk about sex, Jjong? ‘’ Minho asked with an amused smile as he slapped his chopsticks together.

The older one gave him an exasperated look. ‘’ No, ‘’ he immediately refuted.

‘’ So what then? ‘’

‘’ You know what I’m talking about, ‘’ Jonghyun answered. ‘’ It’s been forever since you’ve talked about a girl. ‘’

‘’ I’m not going to talk about every girl I hook up with, ‘’ Minho replied on the spot.

‘’ And that’s not what I’m talking about either, ‘’ Jonghyun countered. ‘’ I’m talking about someone you really like. ‘’

To his surprise, Minho didn’t have a ready-to-deliver answer to give him. Instead, he looked down at his bowl again and moved the rest of his food around with his chopsticks.

‘’ Minho? ‘’ Jonghyun voiced after a few more seconds of silence.

The silence dragged on a bit more, enough for panic to start rising inside him. It had his stomach in a tight knot by the time he finally got an answer.

‘’ Not everyone can be like you, Jjong. ‘’

That had him frowning in confusion. ‘’ What do you mean? ‘’

‘’ I mean, ‘’ Minho echoed before looking up, ‘’ That love doesn’t come easy to me. ‘’

That left him without words.

‘’ I don’t mean that in a bad way, Jjongie, ‘’ Minho clarified. ‘’ On the contrary, I admire how passionate you can be about someone. ‘’

That awakened him.

‘’ I don’t know if that’s always a good thing, ‘’ he pondered. ‘’ I’m not a good example of how to make a relationship last. ‘’

‘’ Well, you’re far better at it than me, that’s for sure, ‘’ Minho observed as he picked up his glass again.

Jonghyun watched him down the rest of it before continuing. ‘’ I have a feeling that when you find the right person, then you’ll be set for life. ‘’

‘’ I hope so… ‘’ the younger one sighed.

‘’ You will, ‘’ he reiterated as he placed a comforting hand over his.

‘’ What’s this about you being my cheerleader tonight? ‘’ Minho asked with a laugh.

‘’ Isn’t that what a friend is for? ‘’ Jonghyun followed up naturally.

‘’ Hmm, I wouldn’t know. ‘’

The death glare that granted him sent him reeling with laughter, annoying the other one even more.

Jonghyun eased his irritation with more food and more rum before the conversation was brought to more shallow subjects. He allowed his friend to expand on some soccer games he had recently watched before he had that backfire on him when the other decided to remind him of that one time he had tripped over the ball in front of the whole class back in ninth grade. Fortunately for him, he had an equally embarrassing memory of his best friend. He only had to mention their history teacher, Mrs. Hwang, to see all color disappear from the latter’s face.

He went back to eating again, chuckling to himself as he glanced at Minho’s disgruntled expression. It wasn’t long before he finally emptied his bowl and his glass, then basking in the great appreciation of his feeling of satiety.

Minho was also done soon after, sighing in contentment.

‘’ Do you want to get another drink or do you have to head back? ‘’

Jonghyun took a second to think. ‘’ How about we have another drink at yours? ‘’

Minho’s face split into a grin. ‘’ Yeah, sure! ‘’

Jonghyun mirrored it as the prospect ignited excitement within him.

‘’ Okay well, let’s pay and get out of here! ‘’

________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Jonghyun came to the next morning, he realized he had no clue when he had actually fallen asleep. The rays of sunlight peeking through the window blinds and striping the sheets covering him made him feel utterly confused and a little groggy. He closed his eyes again to offset the effects of his sudden awakening and used his arm as a shield to completely block out the light. It was only a few seconds before he found himself dipping back into the depths of his sleeping pool, leaving behind any parcel of reality.

He was left to float in it for another thirty minutes before a sudden noise made him jump out. His eyes soon found the eyes of his best friend which had him frowning in confusion again.

The other chuckled softly. ‘’ I didn’t want to wake you up so suddenly, but I have to leave so I just wanted to let you know that I left you some coffee and breakfast on the counter. ‘’

‘’ Oh… ‘’ Jonghyun let out, voice rough from sleep.

‘’ You don’t have to get up right now if you don’t want to, ‘’ Minho reassured with a smile. ‘’ Anyways, I have to go. See you soon, Jjong. ‘’

Jonghyun wasn’t given any time to reciprocate as the tall brunette immediately pulled the door close, leaving him alone again.

It wasn’t long before bits and pieces of the previous night came flashing through his mind. It had been a very fun night, one like he hadn’t had in a long while, but the thought that stuck out in the end was that he hadn’t spent the night home.

That single thought had his whole body tense up. He hadn’t had at any point during the evening or the beginning of the night the presence of mind to notify Jinki of his whereabouts, which was unlike him. He knew that would surely not make for a pleasant conversation when they would talk. And one thing Jonghyun didn’t want was to put more strain on their relationship.

Even if he had wanted to get in more sleep, the wave of anxiety that had just surged through him surely wouldn’t let him do so. The only option left was to get out of bed. That simple task wasn’t an easy one, but after a few minutes of struggling with himself to get a move on, he finally managed to stand on his two feet. His arms stretched high above his head to get the kinks out of his back and shoulders as he looked outside the window to make sure the world outside was still the same.

It sure did look like it was, but that wasn’t at all indicative of whatever new struggle the new day had brought with it. His own was proof of that. He carried the heavy feeling in his chest with him and into his friend’s bathroom, cleaning himself up a bit before heading to the kitchen to fuel himself up for the day.

He didn’t feel hungry at that exact moment, but looking at what Minho had left him made him smile. His best friend had actually gone through the trouble of cooking up a veggie-filled omelette with some rice and had left some fresh kimchi in a side dish bowl. There was even hot coffee sitting in the pot of the coffee machine a few inches ahead which had him smiling even wider.

Thank you, Minho.

Hungry or not, he was going to honor this caring gesture. At least, he was certain this relationship wasn’t in jeopardy.

He first opened one of the cupboards and picked out a cup to pour the coffee in. A second later, his cup was full to the brim, the dark liquid dancing against the white interior of the mug as he moved with it to sit in the dining room adjacent to where he was. The strong whiff he inhaled comforted him just enough to elicit a sight of content.

Then, he drank, the first sip dancing on his tongue like a wave of salvation, appeasing his tired body and mind which urged him to keep drinking. The emptier the mug got, the fuller his power source felt. Soon, he was back on his feet and rushing back to the food that had been left for him. The sight awakened his hunger and without wasting anymore time, he dived into the food, wolfing it down as if he hadn’t eaten in days. His eagerness worked faster than his stomach and before he could really feel full, everything was gone. A frown grew on his face as he stared at the empty plates in frustration.

He had the thought of going through his friend’s fridge to find himself more food, but a sliver of reason pulled him back from doing it. He knew Minho wouldn’t mind him eating his food, but he realized that the dissatisfaction wasn’t one of the body, but more so one of the mind. So instead, he settled for drinking one more cup of coffee before having to face his schedule for the day.

Half-way through it, his mind finally made space for him to think about school. It was a moment before he could figure out what classes he had for the day. And when he did, his eyes went straight to the clock that stood at the top of the kitchen’s cupboards.

8:15

Shit.

Between his frustration and panic, he lost a few more minutes kicking himself mentally for lacking foresight the night before. That sense of doom and despair that was never too far came back in full blast, hitting him hard in the chest. He held on to the edge of the counter for support as he felt his head swim with a million thoughts, his knuckles turning white from the pressure.

It’s just the Persuasive Communication class. I’m doing good in it. It’ll be fine.

Those self-reassuring thoughts helped him work through his distress just enough to get himself back into motion. He walked back to the room he had woken in and immediately searched through his pants to pull out his phone. The screen was black which reminded him that he had purposely turned it off not long after they had arrived here. He looked at it intently, battling with the thoughts of turning it on now or waiting later.

The first thought won. A few seconds later, he was faced with all the notifications that had stayed dormant throughout the night. As expected, all of them were from Jinki. He didn’t have to count them to know there had been numerous attempts on the other’s part to reach him. He looked at the text messages first and felt his stomach clench at the worry and despair he could feel through his written words. It was enough for him to not want to hear the voicemails.

With a rising feeling of dread, he pressed on the call icon and brought the phone to his ear. His chest rose higher and higher with every passing ring until the loop was suddenly cut short.

‘’ Jjong. ‘’

To Jonghyun’s surprise, the voice at the other end didn’t sound angry.

Despite that, he failed to find confidence in his own, only letting out an uneasy and shy Hi.

‘’ Where were you? ‘’ the other immediately inquired, worry edging his tone.

‘’ I stayed at Minho’s… ‘’ Jonghyun replied, still guarded.

He was answered with a sigh of relief which made him a little more relieved himself.

‘’ I’m glad you’re okay. I just couldn’t stop thinking that maybe something had happened… ‘’ Jinki shared, his voice thinning out on the last words.

That was enough to get rid of his relief.

‘’ I’m sorry I didn’t call or text… My phone was turned off and we drank and…

‘’ It’s alright, Jjong, ‘’ Jinki cut in. ‘’ I’m just glad you’re okay. ‘’

‘’ Yeah, I’m fine, ‘’ Jonghyun reiterated not without being confused by the fact that the anger he had been expecting from this conversation wasn’t anywhere to be found.

‘’ When are you coming back home? ‘’ Jinki asked which pulled him out of his bemusement.

‘’ I have to head back to school so… I don’t know… later… ‘’

There was a pause after which made his uneasiness stand out loud and clear between them.  

‘’ Okay… Well, I’ll be waiting. ‘’

‘’ Okay… ‘’

Another pause.

‘’ I have to go now, ‘’ Jonghyun said as his level of disquiet became intolerable.

‘’ Okay, see you later, ‘’ Jinki answered. ‘’ I love you. ‘’

‘’ I love you too, ‘’ he echoed rapidly before hanging up.  

A long exhale left him right after as if he had been holding his breath, his upper body collapsing over his legs like a balloon that had just been deflated.

Eyes closed, he tried to get some life back into him with a few deep breaths, slowly straightening up as he did.

Before he could level up to a standing position, his phone buzzed, immediately eliciting a twinge of anxiety in his core.

Relief quickly washed over it when he glanced at the ID.

[Where are you?] The message read.

Then another one came in.

[I swear Mr. Lim is trying to kill us. Fml.]

That made him snort with laughter as he visualized his friend slouching back in his chair in despair.

His fingers immediately started dancing across his keyboard.

[I overslept. I'll be there before the second half starts.]

He only had to wait a few seconds to be served with another piece of his friend's mind.

[Damn, Jjong. If I didn't know any better I'd think you didn't care about school anymore. :p]

[Think again.]

He threw his phone on the bed to avoid being pulled in further into a pointless argument that would make him even more late.

A quick shower later, he was ready to head out, fully clothed in his outfit of the previous day except for fresh briefs he had dared steal in his best friend's drawer. As he grabbed his bag to head towards the entrance, a subtle whiff of alcohol tickled his nose making his face twist into a grimace. His mind went to his locker where he hoped he still had a spare clean shirt to change into. Then, finally, his body went to the entrance where he suited up for the cold weather.

Turning the front door's knob, he made a mental note to himself to call Minho later to thank him for the mental break and the breakfast. He then walked out into the chilly morning before shutting the door close with the key he had been gifted with a few months back.

The route back was much more peaceful than what he had experienced the afternoon before which made it feel like he was back to school in no time. Once inside, he was surprised by the calm and peace he rarely experienced in the hallways. He was almost tempted to enjoy more of it instead of heading to class, but he knew his future self would curse himself for it.

He headed straight to his locker, shed his outdoor layers and stored them inside before looking in the top shelf for, hopefully, a clean shirt. His hands fumbled through the mess he had left in there for close to a minute before he had to accept that there was no piece of fabric there.

With a resigned but frustrated mind, he finally made it to the classroom he should've been in an hour and a half ago. To his relief, the door was open when he arrived indicating it was indeed break time. Few students remained and he passed them to reach his usual spot at the back. He was happy it had been left empty. He dropped his supplies on the table before glancing at the spot beside him, smiling as he recognized the lousy handwriting of his friend in the notebook he had left open.

He then plopped down on his chair and organized his stuff, bracing himself for his return to reality. Soon enough, the class started getting full again and a familiar silhouette crossed his line of sight. He watched his friend approach with a huge grin which made him cock an eyebrow.

'' Who's the greatest guy in the world? '' Jaehyeon boasted as he set a cup of coffee in front of him.

Rolling his eyes, he answered, '' You won't get the answer you're looking for but, thank you, '' he ended sincerely, keeping himself from saying he already had had his fill of coffee for the morning.

He then glanced at his friend's empty hands. '' What about you? ''

'' I've been caffeinating since I'm up, '' Jaehyeon informed as he sat down. '' My blood is probably black now. ''

'' Probably like cream if you ask me, '' Jonghyun replied with a snort which had the other frowning.

'' You're lucky I resisted putting anything in yours, '' the latter indicated. '' I really don't know how you do it, '' he added with a disgusted pout.

'' Adding anything in it just alters the flavor. If I'm drinking coffee I want to taste the coffee. ''

Feeling his friend's eyes burning a hole into the side of his face, he turned slightly to meet his eyes.

The seriousness on his friend's face had him on the verge of laughter.

'' Let's just agree to disagree, '' Jaehyeon settled as he crossed his arms.

'' Like always, '' Jonghyun pointed out with a small laugh.

Their attention was suddenly brought to the front of the class as they heard their names.

'' Would you mind if I interrupted your seemingly important conversation to go on with my trivial teachings? '' Their teacher voiced in a tone dripping with contempt as the whole class turned towards them.

'' Sorry, Mr. Lim, '' Jaehyeon immediately uttered in a quiet voice as Jonghyun retreated behind his surge of embarrassment.

The older man gave them another disapproving look before going on with the class.

Jonghyun opened his notebook, grabbed his pen and fixed his eyes on their teacher to give all his attention to the remainder of the class, but he was soon interrupted by a touch on his arm.

He looked down at the page the other had slid close to him.

His dick is probably so dried up that it’s about to fall off.

Jonghyun bit on his lip to prevent any sound from coming out of him, instead shaking his head at the other's silliness and catching the subsequent proud smile on his face from the corner of his eye.

The rest of the class went by with more focus on both their parts despite the dryness of the content that was being thrown at them. By the end of it, they felt exhausted.

'' I don't think I can take any more of that crap today, '' Jaehyeon finally let out as they stepped out into the hallway buzzing with students.

'' Don't you have like two more classes? '' Jonghyun half-asked, half-teased.

'' Not if I skip them. ''

It was Jonghyun's turn to give a disapproving look.

'' You do want to graduate, don't you? ''

Jaehyeon sighed. '' I guess... ''

'' But what will I do when you're not here anymore to keep me in check? '' he added with a pout.

'' You'll be just fine, '' Jonghyun instantly replied. '' Plus, you still have to endure me for another few months. ''

'' Thank god, '' Jaehyeon exclaimed with relief.

Jonghyun smiled at that before they fell back into a shared silent.          

That didn't last long.

'' So you partied hard last night, huh? '' The taller one inquired in a tone that was teasing but curious.

'' I wouldn't say we partied, but I probably had too much to drink, yeah, '' Jonghyun admitted with a shrug.

'' Apparently, '' Jaehyeon noted. '' I can almost smell the alcohol on you, '' he added with a chuckle.

Jonghyun gave him a terrified look as he stopped dead in his tracks. '' Really? ''

'' Well I mean it's probably my mind playing tri-

'' Do you have a spare shirt I could borrow? '' Jonghyun interjected in panic.

'' What? ''

'' I couldn't change shirts before coming here, '' Jonghyun quickly explained.

'' Oh, '' Jaehyeon gathered. '' I might have one in my locker. ''

'' Okay, let's go. ''

Jonghyun immediately lead the way, hurrying his step as panic coursed through his veins. He wasn't about to let his peers or even worse, his teachers, think that he was an alcoholic.

It wasn't long before his fear turned into relief as Jaehyeon pulled out a seemingly clean black long-sleeved shirt out of his locker.

'' Thankfuckinggod, '' Jonghyun let out in a breath before pulling his friend in front of him so that he could act as a shield. He then pulled his alcohol-fragranced shirt over his head, threw it on the floor and grabbed the one his friend was holding.

'' Dude, '' Jaehyeon exclaimed as he gave a quick glance at a shirtless Jonghyun and then at their surroundings. '' Right here? ''

Jonghyun didn't reply on the spot, instead slipping on the black shirt.

'' With your height, no one saw a thing, '' he finally said. '' So, '' he immediately added after, '' How do I look? ''

The shock that had settled on the other's face quickly turned into amusement.

'' It's clearly not your fit, '' he tittered. '' You look like a kid, '' he went on, his voice shaking with more laughter.

Jonghyun frowned at him. '' You'll excuse me for not being built like a fucking mountain. ''

Jaehyeon kept laughing. '' In your defense, one wouldn't know how small you actually are in your everyday clothes. But this... ''

He burst out laughing giving Jonghyun the impulse to push him away from him.

Jonghyun then looked down at the shirt that almost reached his knees and sighed. The only thing he could do to make himself a bit more presentable was to fold up the sleeves of the shirt up to his elbows.

Even the collar of the shirt sat too large on his frame, letting his collarbones show. Jonghyun knew he was on the smaller side even when he put on muscle, but the whole ordeal had him thinking that maybe he had lost weight again.

'' Sorry, Jjong, '' the taller one uttered more seriously, interrupting his train of thoughts. '' I didn't mean to laugh at you. ''

Jonghyun looked up and met his dark eyes. '' It's fine, '' he said. '' Thanks for the shirt. ''

'' My pleasure, '' Jaehyeon replied before picking up the one on the floor. '' Here. ''

'' Thanks. '' Jonghyun took the shirt his friend was handing to him and crumpled it in his hand.

'' We should go eat before our next classes, '' he suggested as Jaehyeon locked his locker.

'' Yeah, I'm starving, '' the latter grumbled.

'' Like always, '' Jonghyun teased.

Jaehyeon shrugged. '' Who knows? I might still be in a growth spurt. ''

'' If you grow any taller, I'm not speaking to you anymore, '' Jonghyun warned with some edge to his tone. Not waiting for a reply, he started walking towards the other end of the corridor.

'' Oh come on, that's not fair, '' Jaehyeon whined as he followed.

They went on with their banter until they reached Jonghyun's locker.

There, he got rid of what he didn't need anymore before pulling out his phone to look at the time. His left brow cocked as he caught the notification that popped up. He tapped a finger on the screen and put in his password to look at the message.

[Hey~ I brought you some food. I'm waiting in the main hall.]

His eyes grew wide as the words registered.

'' What? '' Jaehyeon immediately inquired.

'' Um... '' Jonghyun uttered as his mind blanked. '' I... ''

It was a few more seconds until he found a proper way to react.

'' Can you find us a spot at the cafeteria? I'll be there in a few minutes. ''

'' Okay... '' Jaehyeon acknowledged not without letting through his suspicion.

'' Thanks, '' Jonghyun quickly replied before going the other way.

The whole walk towards the main hall had his level of unease and anxiety rising with every step. He couldn't help but fear that there was more to this visit than a simple food delivery.

The fear brought him to a standstill as he finally caught his boyfriend's face. The latter flashed him a wide smile as their eyes met which Jonghyun did his best to reciprocate despite still being panicked.

It wasn't long before the other closed the gap between them, bringing them face to face.

'' Hey, '' Jinki softly uttered as his eyes crinkled at the corners from another dashing smile.

'' Hey, '' Jonghyun echoed awkwardly.

Jinki just looked at him for a few seconds before cocking an eyebrow. '' That's not your shirt, is it? ''

Jonghyun felt his face heat up. '' Um, no... I had to borrow a clean one from Minho before heading back here. ''

The other's expression stayed unchanged. '' Minho must have wider shoulders than what I remember. ''

'' He bulks up during winter, '' Jonghyun justified on the spot, since it wasn't a total lie. It didn't prevent the bitter aftertaste that came from guilt to settle in his mouth right after.

'' Oooh, okay, '' Jinki bought, face lighting up.

'' Here, '' he then said as he handed him the bag of food he had brought. '' I thought you'd like to have some homemade food today. ''

'' Thanks, '' Jonghyun replied as he grabbed the bag. '' You didn't have to go through all this trouble though. ''

'' It wasn't much trouble, '' Jinki indicated. '' It's food I cooked last night. ''

'' Oh, '' Jonghyun acknowledged, stomach tightening from the added guilt.

'' And also, '' Jinki started slowly as he rubbed the back of his neck. '' I wanted to see you even if just for a few minutes, '' he went on in a gentle tone.

Jonghyun felt his body warm up from his sweet words, forgetting for a few seconds his unease before flashes of their last encounters zipped through his mind.

'' Thanks again, Jinki, '' he reiterated to segue to parting words. '' I have to head back now... ''

'' Oh, okay... ''

The sheer disappointment in the other's voice and the hurt on his face made him disgusted with himself and for a second, he wanted to take it all back.

'' I'll see you in a few hours, '' he instead reminded, trying to be reassuring despite everything.

'' Yeah, okay, '' Jinki acknowledged before changing his expression the best he could with a faint smile.

The three words Jonghyun knew he should say next stayed stuck in his throat, making him resort to a pathetic handwave instead.

He quickly turned on his heel to avoid further damage, making his way straight to the cafeteria.

There, the hordes of students gathered all around made him instantly dizzy. He tried to make his way through the rows of tables to search for his friend, but it proved to be too much of a sensory effort.

He pulled out his phone and typed.

[I can't eat here. I'll be waiting just outside.]

He retraced his steps until he was back in the hallway which was much less crowded.

A few minutes went by before Jaehyeon finally appeared in sight.

'' Are you okay? '' Was the first thing that left the taller one's mouth as he stopped before him.

His look of worry didn't go unnoticed but Jonghyun still chose to put on an act.

'' Yeah, '' he voiced matter-of-factly. '' I just need to be somewhere less crowded right now. ''

'' Where do you want to go? '' Jaehyeon immediately asked.

'' I don't know... '' Jonghyun admitted, a little defeated. He felt like leaving the school right then and there, but felt trapped by all the stress he'd be facing if he did.

'' You know, '' Jaehyeon started with intent. '' My dorm's not far from here...''

Even if Jonghyun had wanted to, he couldn't help but give his friend a stunned look.

'' Aren't we at this stage in our friendship?'' The other went on with a nervous laugh. '' I see your apartment and you see my dorm. ''

That didn't do much to shake Jonghyun out of his frozen state.

'' Or... we could go to the studio, '' Jaehyeon tried instead, feeling beyond embarrassed by his first attempt.

'' Yeah, '' Jonghyun instantly agreed. '' Let's do that. ''

'' I still need to buy food though, '' Jaehyeon reminded.

'' No worries. I have food, '' Jonghyun informed as he lifted the plastic bag he was holding.

Jaehyeon frowned. He wanted to ask where it came from to confirm some of the suspicions already floating around in his mind, but he was too scared of crossing the line again.

'' Not sure that's enough food, '' he instead pointed out.

'' I'm not hungry, you can have it. ''

Jaehyeon could see by the other's weary expression that it wasn't in his best interest to argue.

'' Alright, '' he said.

They made their way to their recording room and from there, conversation turned to lighter things.

Jonghyun even found himself eating some of the food after much insistence on his friend's part. As expected, it was delicious, making him almost wish he had an appetite for it.

'' Yo, I don't think I'll be able to stay awake in class after all that good food, '' Jaehyeon shared as they made their way back to the lockers.

'' One of your white sugary coffees should help with that, '' Jonghyun threw back wittily.

'' Hahaha, '' Jaehyeon deadpanned.

'' You finish at 4, right? '' he then inquired.

'' Yeah. ''

'' Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, '' the taller one figured as his own day ended two hours later.

'' You know I never leave right after classes, '' Jonghyun reminded. '' We can meet up after your last class. '' 

A wide smile lightened the other's face. '' Great. I'll text you when I'm done. ''

'' Good. See you later, '' Jonghyun said before walking further down the hallway to reach his locker.

He picked up his items for his next class and made his way there, once again thinking about his boyfriend's surprise visit and everything that had happened between them in the last few days. He remembered all that he had said, his words of reassurance and love and felt even more weirded out by his own actual behavior. Facing him shouldn't have been that hard, but it had been and from the current tension he was feeling in his body, he knew it wasn't about to get easier.

Fortunately, class proved to be enough distraction for the rest of the afternoon even though it felt like a pain to get through.

His relief of being done with his classes for the day was brief as the thought of his essay waiting to be written came back to the forefront of his mind.

Usually, Jonghyun didn't have that much trouble getting to work and actually getting some shit done, but today was different. Despite having found himself a free cubicle and having set all that he needed in front of himself to write, he came up blank. By the time it was almost six o'clock, he had added three more lines to his already short paragraph, the realization making him groan in frustration.

Knowing Jaehyeon was going to text him any minute now, he closed up shop and made his way back to his locker. As anticipated, his phone buzzed just as he was putting some of his things inside. He reached into his pocket and pulled it out.

[ Doooooone. Where are u?] He read.

[At my locker.] He typed back.

It was a few minutes before the other appeared before him.

'' I thought you'd be at the library, '' Jaehyeon immediately noted, confused.

'' I can't concentrate, '' Jonghyun admitted, still mad at himself.

'' Oh, '' Jaehyeon exclaimed, biting his tongue again to not ask more questions on the matter.

'' So do you want to head out? '' he asked instead.

The answer was immediate.

'' Yes. ''

'' Okay... '' Jaehyeon acknowledged, a little taken aback by the desperation he felt in that single word.

'' Do you want to go to a café or something? ''

Jonghyun pondered the thought for a moment.

'' Actually, '' he started, mulling over the thought that had just popped up in his mind. '' Could we go to your dorm? '' he ultimately dared to ask.

Jaehyeon's eyes widened. '' But I thought you didn't-

'' I changed my mind, '' Jonghyun interjected. '' Let's go, '' he then said before he actually changed his mind again.

'' Okay, '' Jaehyeon said with a smile. '' I'll just grab my stuff. ''

He immediately dashed off the other way, leaving Jonghyun to ponder again. Deep down, he knew this wasn't the way to go, but stronger than that knowledge was his need to escape. Did he feel guilty? Yes. Did he fear the consequences? Yes.

But he also felt like he couldn't go back home right now. Not yet.

He pulled out his phone and as soon as the message window was open, he started typing.

[Minho wanted to hang out again. I don't know when I'll be getting back so don't wait up.]

He wasn't sure if the lie would hold up, but he didn't want to care about that in the moment. So he turned off his phone, put on his outdoor clothing and headed forward to join his friend.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

AFF Link ~

AO3 Link ~

[kinfriday]

Wandering Hops: The Overnight

Dreams are funny things, and, in many ways, are the fuel of ambition. What starts as a simple notion, a far off impossible idea, can gradually resolve into something more concrete. Ultimately leading one to push past their limits, and strive for that impossible goal. 

Of course, our definitions of the impossible change as we grow. There was a time when I thought it impossible that I would ever be published. There was a time when I never thought I’d travel much, or see much of the United states. Yesterday’s dreams are often, tomorrow's achievements, but it’s not always that clean.  Everyone’s life is littered with broken and discarded goals and dreams, often filling the darker corners of our minds with moody regrets of what might have been. 

Gradually, as time passes those shadows can get longer, producing tendrils that drag down our daily lives, miring us in a fog of what could have been. 

Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, is one of my dreams. Spanning 2680 miles, it’s a five month thru hiking marathon, that takes you from the searing depths of the Mojave, to soaring peaks like Mt Whitney. It’s an immense technical and fitness challenge that will see roughly 60% of those that attempt it ultimately leave the trail disappointed. 

Ah there it is, on the horizon! If you look very hard and perhaps squint, you will begin to see the point of this rambling introduction. 

In short, I’m going for it. With a target start date of April 3rd 2020, my plans are to be in Campo, California, just a few feet from the Mexican border as I begin a slow and deliberate trek north, that will most likely not conclude until late September or early October. 

Just under 10 months out now, my hiking, planning, training, and even the writing of this blog, has all fallen under that particular focus. I am going to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. Gear is being bought, miles are being run, exercises are being done, but there is more to it than that. In order to be ready, I need to make certain that I have the skills and experience necessary to get me to Canada, and to do that, I have to overnight. 

Backpacking is a technical step up from day hiking, and, in a way, taking it to its logical conclusion. If you can overnight, you can cover more miles, take on more difficult treks, and visit a wider variety of places. 

The PCT is the ultimate overnight, and so, a section of it near my home, seemed as good a place as any to kick off my first full, backpacking experience. 

As Maya would say, “Let’s get this bread!”

Starting off from Bridge of the Gods, the first section of my hike took me over the Columbia River Gorge, suspended almost 200 feet in the air, with nothing but grated metal below me. It felt like I was walking across the sky, save that I had to share the space with vehicles zipping by after the toll bridge, leaving me only a few inches of room, with nowhere to go but down if something went wrong.  

With my heart rate pumping from sheer anxiety, I made my way carefully north, dashing across Washington 14, before I saw a welcome sign that I had been looking forward to seeing for 10 years….

Up and into the woods I went, finding the trail to be extremely quiet. It’s still too early in the season for those thru hiking from the south to be passing through, and with how overgrown parts of it were with brush and bramble, I soon had the sense that I might be one of the few people on that portion. 

Spoiler alert… I wasn’t. 

Solitude while hiking, is one of the things I strive for. Being alone in nature grants me time to think and plan. Oftentimes, I’ll spend hours listening to the birds sing, as the rhythmic beat of my foot falls provide a strange sharp counterpoint to their song, causing the world to blur into a type of symphony of movement and sound.

The goal for this hike was not to reach any particular point, but to see how far I could go, with the current gear I have. At forty pounds fully loaded, it’s still far too much for any kind of thru hike, but it’s not bad for training. With the straps of my old kelty digging into my shoulders, I continued to climb up the gorge, determined to go for fifteen miles, before setting down for the night. 

At four miles in, after rounding a bend, Gillete Lake came into view, and with it, came my first check in. Letting the husband know I was alive, and had plenty of energy. Pack or no, I pressed on, deeper into the woods. As I steadily climbed in elevation, my legs began to burn, and my back began to hurt, but at the moment, I didn’t care. 

I was on the trail. The one place I had wanted to be for years, and I wasn’t about to let pack weight stop me.  The trail kept heading up, until I came to my first bridge, taking me over a cataracting stream swollen with melt water from the upper Cascades, charging back down the slope, heading for Gillette Lake. 

My world was serene and beautiful, full of verdant forest, high above the Columbia, and fully out of its humidity. In short, there seemed no better way to spend a Saturday at that particular moment. That conviction. worked like a fuel, pushing me further on up steepening grades and switchbacks. 

However, at five and a half miles, it began to become clear that something was wrong. A knife like pain was growing louder and louder in my left scapula, sending shockwaves of pain up through my neck, and down my left arm.  Far from a normal exertion type pain, this, I knew, could be serious if I didn’t address it, but I was only seven miles in, of a planned fifteen. 

This was not what I had come to do, even though I had started this hike with no particular destination.  My destination was my mileage, and I was far from that yet. 

Still, as I approached 6 and a half miles, it grew only worse, and I knew I was coming to a fateful choice. If I pushed, I could injure myself, taking myself out for the rest of the hiking season, and potentially put myself at risk for my stubbornness. The other option though, seemed just as unpalatable. 

Turn back, head for Gillette Lake and camp there, giving me time to rest, and recover. 

The choice was obvious, if not disappointing, I turned around, feeling humbled, and began my journey back. 

At first, I was full of recrimination, but as I walked along, gaining miles now in the other direction, trying to ignore the growing pain in my shoulder, I realized that the choice I made, had been an important one to my success. 

My dream wasn’t dead. One moment turning around, accepting my limitations in both gear, and ability, was not me leaving the PCT behind. Rather, by acknowledging and accepting my current limits, and listening to my body, I was better ensuring that I would make it to April 3rd, ready and prepared to take on the challenge of the trail. 

This wasn’t the end. It was the beginning. 

Returning to Gillete lake, I ended up finding a nice quiet campsite near water, and set up for my overnight. As soon as I dropped my pack and set up camp, the pain quickly went away, only reinforcing the idea I had made the right choice. 

With camp established I settled down. With no miles to pursue, hours before sunset, with nothing but the quiet of the woods around me I found myself facing an unexpected challenge. 

What was I going to do now? 

Sleep would not come for hours yet. Hell, dinner would not come for hours yet. My tent was set up, my gear was organized and packed away; the day had zipped by in a perfect, managed efficiency. Now here I was, listening to the same birdsong, surrounded by the same nature, but in the quiet, with no motion to carry me forward, I wondered what I could do to occupy the time. 

Luckily, in that 40lbs of pack weight, I decided to include my kindle, along with a few audiobooks on my phone. Laying out in my tent staring up at the ceiling, letting my shoulder recover, I got caught up with Anaszi Boys by Neil Gaiman, wandering his well crafted universe.  

These days happen. In all of my research and reading boredom is something thru hikers often face. After a while, hiking is just something you do. You wake up, break camp, and get on the trail. Even the most amazing experience becomes routine with enough repetition, and being able to manage that boredom is a key to completion just as much as your fitness and preparation is. 

My next surprise came with dinner. The day had grown muggy and warm while the insects chirped cheerily and loudly from their bushes. Before my hike I had selected a chipotle soup that seemed a perfect meal after a day of hard work, but sitting there, sweating in the humidity, I instead elected to have a probar and some nuts. 

This hike was meant to be dress rehearsal, and an overall test, so I prepped like it was time for the big show. As the sun set, and the frogs began to sing, I began to appreciate the idea that I had left myself with options having packed extra food just in case. 

Where I didn’t have options though, was my sleeping bag. It proved to be a sticky, swampy, sweaty experience as I curled up for the night. The warnings in the reviews came back to bite me that it didn’t breathe well. In high humidity, and eighty degree temperatures I might as well have been in a sauna, waking up every few hours from the experience. 

You can’t win all the time I guess… 

Finally, the morning came, and while I didn’t make my full fifteen miles, and had a somewhat miserable sleep, I still felt like a success. Here I was, on the Pacific Crest Trail, doing my first overnight, and the choices I had made, ensured that it wasn’t a one off, but the first of many. 

I was learning what to do, what not to do, and what to change, which matters more than mileage ever will. 

Having one of the most amazing oatmeal breakfasts of my life… (thank you Mountain House!) I then broke camp, and set out, back to Bridge of the Gods, already looking forward to my next adventure. 

Dreams push us to exceed our limitations, but by accepting where you are today, you can go where you only dreamed of tomorrow. 

[wafflesetc]

I’ll be there for you Chapter 2

I’ll be there for you Arc I | I’ll be there for you Arc II: Chapter 1

A/N: It’s been how long? BUT IT’S BACK! Thank you as always to @kkruml​ and @missclairebelle​ who always know just want needs to be added on, fixed, elaborated, and give me a strong kick in the arse when needed. 

The One With The Heartbeat

“Mhmmmm.” I sleepily mumbled as I crawled into the bed. Jamie turned in his slumber, reaching for me.

“Yer home late.” His voice with husky with sleep, but I could hear the double meaning in his tone.

“I know, I’m sorry.” My body aligned with his, as it did perfectly without fail. “We had a M&M conference today, Joe and I stayed late to talk to Dr. Murphy…”

“It’s not just you, anymore Sassenach.” My body felt a rush of cold air as he sat up, sending chills down my spine. I was in no mood to rehash this argument, again. “Ye have to think of the bairn...Ye ken I am no’ telling you to stop working, but I am just reminding ye to take it easy on yer feet, take it easy on the hours.”

“Jamie,” I pleaded. I reached for a pillow and smothered it over my face groaning into it. “I had a long day. It is almost midnight. I have another shift tomorrow. The last thing I want to do is argue, alright.”

“Let’s go to bed, then.” His voice was soft and almost apologetic. I succumbed to slumber as he closed the distance between us and cradled me like a small infant. It was a night without any dreams.

“How big is the bairn this week?” I watched Geillis take a swig of coffee from the nurses station.

“That dumb app you made me download says baby is about the size of a pea or something similar.” I rounded the desk and sat in a chair next to her. “God, I miss caffeine.”

“I bet ye do.” She took another sip and smirked at me. “Do ye want a small sip?”

“Yesssssssss.”  I reached for her cup and brought the hot contents to my lips.  “It’s so bloody good.”

“Ye ken a small amount isna bad for ye….” I darted my eyes at her as she rolled hers. “Yeah, yeah, I ken ye’re the doctor.”

“I know some things aren’t bad in moderation. I’m just trying to be healthy through this journey...”  I chose another term for my condition for fear of any ears that might be within hearing distance.

“How are things wi’ Jamie?” I could hear the eagerness and inquisitive undertones in her question. I sighed and leaned back into the chair.

“Ah.” I took a breath recalling how tense things between us had been. It wasn’t that he was not supportive, because he was… It was just different for him to be my boyfriend than just a friend. We’d been arguing over how many hours I was working, over my stress level, over all the food I was eating. I was being micromanaged in ways I was never used to being monitored.

“We’re… Figuring things out.” I released my breath. “The first few weeks we were in that honeymoon phase. It was all new and exciting. And now that suddenly I’m his girlfriend... He feels the need to be overprotective kicks into gear.”

Geillis laughed at that.

“I am not the type of woman who bites her tongue, nor needs to be protected!” I could feel the tips of my ears burning red.

“I ken, but maybe ye should try and see it through his eyes, Claire. I dinna ken why he feels the way he does, but the lad probably does have his reasons. He has always been a man who is fiercely loyal to his friends… I have a hunch he’d be more so over his family.”

“I… It’s…” And saved by the bell, my pager went off. “It’s not that simple.” I stood and rolled my shoulders, working out the kinks in my back.

“When are ye going to tell the rest of the work folk?”

“I’m six and a half weeks, almost seven. Jamie and I are still figuring out, what being together is like…”

She rose from her chair tossing her empty coffee cup into the waste bin. “It sounds like ye are goin’ stall as long as ye can.”

“Probably.” I unlocked my phone and dialed. “We have the first ultrasound today… I’ll call you after, let you know how it goes.”

“I’d like that and dinna fash about Jamie, ye’ll sort it out. Ye always do.”

Date of Birth. Age. Weight. Occupation.

My mind raced a mile a minute as I filled out the paperwork in the OBGYN’s office. Finishing my information, I glanced at the clock on the wall.

6:18PM.

Dr. Fisher had been more than accommodating when I had called her earlier in the week, asking for an appointment outside of normal clinic hours and after all the nursing staff had gone home.

She poked her head from behind the door, smiling at me. “I know ye had a long day and no rush on the paperwork… I’ll just be in my office next door. Come get me when ye are finished and we will start.”

“Alright.” I said dryly. Unlocking my phone, I pulled up the last text I had sent to Jamie.

Appointment is at 6:15. Office is on the third floor of the main building, office 305. Office lights will be off, come on in anyway. Through the set of blue doors and you’ll see the lights on where we are at. See you soon.

He had quickly liked my comment and replied hastily. Will be there.

My stomach dropped as 6:18 quickly turned to 6:24 and I finished signing my name on the last release. I walked to her office, knocking on the door and placing the packet on her desk.

“Are we going to wait on the father?” Dr. Fisher asked as she guided me back into the exam room.

“I… Uh….” I swallowed. “He kne-”

“Excuse me.” A familiar Scottish voice spoke as a knock accompanied. “I’m verra sorry I was late, my phone died on the train and I couldna find the right room.”

Though we had been stressed the last week, tears filled my eyes, he hadn't wanted to miss this.

I wiped a tear as I climbed up onto the exam table. His eyes met mine and I could see the line of sweat across his forehead.

“Sassenach.” He whispered coming to my side. “I wouldna have missed this for the world, ye have to know.”

I took his hand and gave it a hard squeeze. I know, it relayed to him.

“Dr. Beauchamp,” Dr. Fisher prompted as she turned on the monitor. “Take off yer scrub bottom off. There’s a sheet to keep ye covered over there. I’ll give ye a minute.”   

She left us then and Jamie’s hands found the drawstrings on my pants.

“Can I undo them?” His voice was meek, but I could see the eagerness and excitement in his eyes. Though he still looked like a petulant child who had eaten a cookie before dinner time, he also looked like a man. A man that was ready to move heaven and earth to make sure me and his child were alright. It send chills down my spine- maybe this is why he was being so overprotective- he had already done his part and now it was really all up to me.

“Yes.” I nodded, helping him shimmy them off my thighs; my undergarments followed. “Toss them on the chair and hand me the sheet.”

“Aye.”  He hitched his voice for a moment and then shook his head at me.

“Say it.” I commanded. It wasn’t a question, I knew he wouldn’t have missed this but with the guilt still written on his face I knew he would feel better once he admitted it to me.

“Ye ken, I really wouldna have missed this, right? I triedta call, but my phone died...”

I reached across my torso and slipped my fingers through belt loops of his jeans.

“Come here.” I tilted my head up and gave him my kiss me look. He more than willingly obliged.

“We’ve been on edge recently, but I know,” I rested my forehead against his searching his eyes.  “You wouldn’t miss this.”

He let out a small snort and I felt him take the folded sheet from my hands and the coolness of his touch as he hands found their way to my waist band. “Let’s get ye decent for the doc then, aye?”

We stayed like that for a few moments, breathing each other’s air, just being in each other’s orbit for the first time in days when the knock came on the door.

“Ye ready?” Dr. Fisher asked.

“Aye.” Jamie gleamed.

It was quiet for a few moments save for the crinkle of some paper, the whoosh of the gel as the doctor squirt it onto my lower abdomen, and the machine making noises.

I felt the probe on my stomach moving left to right, and then it hit just the right spot.

Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.

“Sassenach,” Jamie whispered as he registered what that sound was, “We made that.”

With tears in my eyes I looked up to his face. “We sure did.”

[veilbetweendreamsandreality]

Out of Focus

[Part 1]

A/N: Jane discusses her dream with Borden in attempt to uncover what it means. Nightmares, daydreams and flashbacks are difficult to tell apart. With ghosts from her past, both recent and distant; Jane hopes to find answers before the world she knows collapses around her. Set between 1x03 and 1x04. Thank you to @indelibleevidence for keeping me going with this fan fiction. (Sources of mythology/folklore mentioned can be found here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 + Wikipedia. I have tried my best to be accurate when the above sources are mentioned and discussed in part 2. I hope to touch on them/explore them in later chapters.)

Jane placed her sketch book and pencil in her bag and grabbed an apple on the way out of the safehouse; the FBI detail opened the rear door of the car sat outside the house within two minutes of her packing her bag. She grimaced and buckled her belt, the caws from the ravens still rang in her ears, lost in thought she nibbled at the apple.

Borden's session was scheduled for 7:30 sharp in the morning, so her dreams and thoughts from the day before was as fresh as possible. In the SIOC lift, she closed her eyes head rested against the metal wall. Her feet and ankles were warm, stood the undergrowth of the forest; blood puddled around her feet. Ravens cawed, flying in a circle around the rotting corpse hooked up on a tree. Jane edged closer to make out the man's face hidden in shadow. The birds quietened, her fingers wrapped around the man's ankle - an attempt to take a pulse. Cold slime seemed to drip from the leg where she touched it. 'Why did you kill me?' A familiar voiced asked in a hoarse whisper. Jane looked up, 'I didn't. I'm sorry, I don't know who did.' She tapped the tree and climbed, with effort her body crawled amongst the branches, judicious the former SEAL unhooked the bearded man from the branch. The man landed on the ground, bones ground against each other as the leaves squelched.

Jane descended the tree and crouched by the man's side. 'How do I know you?' The man chuckled. 'Isn't it obvious? I trained you, on and off, from the moment you joined the SEALs.' He reached out and cupped Jane's cheek. Instinctive she held his hand, a sigh released the tightness in her chest.

'What your name? What does this place mean?' Jane probed.

'You will remember my name when it's time. As for the forest, have you walked through it yet?'

Jane shook her head. 'No I haven't. What does it mean?'

He raised an eyebrow. 'Look through the trees, reach the other side; then ask me again.' Shaky he rose to his feet, hands dropped to his sides, 'I can come with you; but only guide you part of the way, from there you will journey alone.'

The woman nodded. 'Come with me. Please.' The man smiled and led the way into the gloom.

The doors slid open, Jane focused on the reality of the New York Office in front of her. She nodded to people who greeted her with hello, making a beeline for Borden's office. The sooner the dreams were off her chest, the sooner they would start making sense. The weight heavy, her shoulders hunched as though a physical kettlebell was slung over her back.

Jane knocked on the office door. 'Come in', a voice called as she pushed open the door. 'Ah Jane, please come in. Please sit down.'

The fabric of the chair sank, bag on the floor Jane pulled out her sketch book. 'I want to discuss the dream last night. I think possible events or traumas from my past are trying to tell me ...something. There is this feeling of dread I cannot shift.' She placed the open sketch book on the table between them. Borden studied the images closely, the features of the tree, face and wings traced over with his fingertips.

'Extraordinary detail Jane. What happened in your dream?' Robert locked eyes with the amnesiac woman.

'What if the man in my dreams with the tree tattoo isn't Weller, I can never see his face clearly. What if it is a literal tattoo like mine are? Kurt- Weller he,' Jane chewed her lip, 'he would never have anything that elaborate.' She traced her index finger over the roots of the tree. 'Who this tree represents is - or at least, was - important to me before I lost my memories.' The brunette shifted her eyes away from Borden. 'Why did I leave him behind?'

'If that is what you believe. However, do not force the memories to come, they will come of their own accord.' The therapist narrowed his eyes at the bearded man's face.

She watched the therapist, curious. 'He was in my dream. He said he was one who trained whilst I was in the SEALs... he was in my first memory at the shooting range. He must have been important. He was the one there in my first memory and recurs quite often. But; I can't remember his name!' Jane's hands balled to fists. 'It's like a puzzle but have lost the final piece.' Her voice lowered to a whisper.

Robert nodded, 'The man in your previous safe house?' He turned the page, filled with ravens and targets hanging from branches.

Jane chewed her lip. 'I think I remember going hunting, I don't think I was hunting deer or birds; but someone - I don't know why, I don't know who. Yet I have this deep seated urge for answers; like a mission unfinished.'

After talking with the man; I was sat in the chair and the ravens circled. Then he hooked me up to an IV, I assume the bag contained the ZIP.

Jane chose not to voice those thoughts, something nagged at the back of her mind warned her not to. Instead she focused on her sketches once again, 'what do the ravens mean?'

The doctor smiled, 'Ravens can mean death or prophecy amongst other things, for example in Celtic mythology they refer to a number of goddesses including Nemain, whose name means depending on the source you research either "venomous" or "dose of poison". The goddess of fury and combat. She is one of three sisters who make up Morrigan. She is said to watch over warriors on the battlefield.' Borden lent back.

The woman nodded, a knot tightened in her stomach. 'The man with the tree tattoo, if - if he exists; will I be able to find him. Or would he be a ghost like me, and the man at the safe house?'

Borden smiled, 'You won't know unless you look.'

'He was covered in blood in my dream, as though I had shot him or hurt him in someway.' Jane traced the lines in her sketch, 'I hope he's alive.'

She groaned loudly, eyes heavy from lack of sleep. Already awake for the best part of five hours. A ragged breath drawn out to stop herself from shaking. Jane pressed her hands against her temples. 'Doctor Borden, what if I don't like what I find. Was I a bad person before all of this? Sometimes my tattoos feel like a second skin. A naga, waiting for it to be shed.'

Borden studied the woman in front of him, curious to see whether the memories will continue to trickle through in fragments or come thick and fast, forcing her brain to shutdown due to overload - unconsciousness.

'Whether you were good or bad, is down to your perspective of what's good and what's bad; regardless of words written in law.' He lent forward and looked at the sketches of ravens. Looking up at the uncertainty on her face. 'Perhaps one day it will be shed; when your case is closed.'

But am I a serpent?

‘Could the forest be more than just a metaphor from a fragmented memory?’ Jane asked, the question about serpents pushed to the back of her mind.

‘Dreaming of a forest could have many meanings - what did the forest look like?’ He took some notes of their session.

‘Decay, everything was either dead or dying; a thin layer of snow mixed in with the pools of blood.’ She held out her hands, trembled in front of her.

Robert nodded. The alarm on his wrist watch vibrated. ‘That’s time for now. Shall I pencil you in for same time tomorrow?’

Jane nodded, the feeling of numbness clung to her legs and spread throughout her body. A knock on the door, distracted both of them.

‘Come in.’ Borden called.

Patterson poked her head round the door, ‘Sorry to interrupt; Jane you’re needed in SIOC.’

The therapist pursed his lips, ‘We are done here.’

Jane gathered up her things and stuffed them into her bag, ‘Another hit on the database?’

The blonde grimaced, ‘You’ll have to see this one for yourself.’

[jamesbarnesbestgirl]

Just The Beginning Part 3

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Slow Burn)

Featuring: Peggy Carter, Howard Stark, Steve Rogers

Word Count: 1728

Warnings: Porbs cringy writing as this is my first fanfic in over 4 years. Swearing.

A/N: Here is part 3. Sorry it’s been a while, but I’ve been busy with sorting school out, and I was very sick and I’m just bouncing back. If you wish to be tagged please feel free to message me. Also any feedback is much appreciated.

Reader POV

I was so caught up with watching my friends interaction with Steve that I didn’t notice the initial explosion until Howard had knocked me to the ground.

By the time my ears stopped ringing and I looked up Dr. Erskine was on the ground, dead. “What the fuck happened!” Howard shouted, looking around at the damage that had been done.

I slowly start to get up, being mindful that the pressure from the blast might have given me a mild concussion. “Is anybody injured?” I ask beginning to try and help.

A half hour later I had just finished patching up those who were hurt when Peggy and Steve walked back into what was left of the lab. They went strait over to Colonel Philips and began speaking to him. I could see that Steve was getting visibly frustrated so I decided to walk over and see what was going on.

“Ah, Nurse Y/L/N. As you can see, by the disastrous events that just occurred, Project Rebirth is being terminated effective immediately. Thank you for your assistance in patching up people from the blast and your work in helping patient zero over here survive.” Colonel Philips said, while gesturing to Steve.

“Thank you sir. What are my orders?” I ask, stealing a glance at Steve who has calmed down a bit and is now politely smiling at me.

“Well, I’m going to give you a choice. You could either be deployed to the front lines of Europe as originally planned, or you could stay here in the states. Rogers here needs a nurse to be able to monitor him while we run tests to see if we can recreate the serum.” Philips stated.

“Well, if Steve needs…” I began, but was cut off.

“With all due respect Y/N, you don’t need to stay behind. You said earlier you enlisted to help people, so don’t worry about me.” Steve interrupted you with a bitter sweet smile on his face.

“Alright, I guess that means I choose the front lines.” I say with a smile.

“Good, plain leaves 0800 tomorrow. But before you go please give Rodgers here the once over.” Colonel Philips says before dismissing you.

The next 24 hours that followed were a whirlwind. Between re-checking Steve’s vitals and drawing blood to see if the scientists could attempt to recreate the late doctors formula, helping Howard clean up the lab, and packing up for tomorrow, I barely had enough time to catch some shut eye before I found myself on a plain towards Europe.

After a 12 hour flight from New York to London; including a stop off in St. johns to refuel, and a 5 hour train ride I finally arrived at the camp.

“Welcome to what we’ll call home for the foreseeable future.” Colonel Philips stated as we exited the truck that had picked us up from the train station. “Better go rest up girlie. Your day starts at 0700 tomorrow morning.”

I quickly thanked him and headed towards the nurses barracks. To say slept well would be an understatement. I normally don’t sleep at all when I move to a new place, but I was so exhausted from the trans-atlantic journey that the second my head hit the pillow I was out cold.

I was woken up; far to early in my opinion, by the bugle call. I quickly got dressed and head to the mess tent where I grabbed a quick breakfast. I then made my way towards the medical tent.

When I entered the tent the first thing that caught my eye were what appeared to be the 30 or so cots all lined up in two orderly rows. Only about 10 or so cots were occupied, although a sinking feeling in my gut told me it would’t stay that way for long. My eyes trailed along each cot with sympathy, before reaching a makeshift desk that had a young nurse standing behind it talking to another nurse with a clipboard. The first nurse turned towards me, while the other went to go assist one of the occupants of the cots.

“You must be the new girl?” she asked with a kind smile.

“Yes, Nurse Y/L/N, but you can call me Y/N.” I replied shaking her hand.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Dita, and the other nurse over there is Lucy.” Dita said while pointing over to Lucy who waved. “Let me catch you up to speed on how things work around here. Day shift is 0700 until 1900 with an half hour lunch and dinner rotation, and night shift is 1900 until 0700 with an hour sleep rotation. We switch shifts every other week, but since you’re new we’ll start you off with a day shift.” She says kindly.

“Sounds simple enough. Where do I start?” I ask with enthusiasm.

“You can start by giving out the soldiers breakfasts based on their respective charts. Once thats done, you and Lucy can start redressing any wounds with fresh bandages.” she said while pointing to a tray of food and a stack of patient clipboards. “Each cot is numbered with its matching clipboard so it shouldn’t take to long. Mornings are usually quiet. It’s the afternoons when the troops get back from there rounds and objectives that things start to get really busy. If you need any help feel free to ask.” Dita said, then sat down and started filling out some paper work.

I spent the morning handing the soldiers their meals. Lucy had introduced me to the 8 soldiers that were currently staying in the med ward. When it came time to redress there injuries we each decided to treat 4 of them.

My first patient, Adam, had a head wound that looked worse then it actually was. He said he had been pushed out of the way of oncoming fire and hit his head on a rock. He said that the doctor wanted to watch him overnight and had given him antibiotics to ward off infection.

My second patient barley spoke while I redressed his wound. From his patient chart it said his name was Edmond from Morristown, New Jersey. He, according to Adam was the soldier who had saved him from the enemy fire. He had suffered from a bullet wound to his right side. Luckily it looked liked the bullet had passed trough, and missed all vital organs.  

Jack, my third patient, didn’t need a wound to be redressed because he had apparently been admitted with Tuberculosis. The poor soldier couldn’t have been any older then 22, but sadly he had already begun to cough up blood, according to his patient chart. I gave him his dose of antibiotics and an extra piece of bread to help keep the nausea at bay. My forth patient for the morning, David, only had a concussion, so he had stayed asleep after breakfast.

It wasn’t until around 1500 hours that things started to pick up. Soldier after soldier came in, some with easily treatable things like sprained wrist and dehydration, others with bullet wounds that had just barley missed their lungs. It wasn’t until 1630 hours, when I was just finishing wrapping a through-and-through that Dita called me to the front of the tent.

“Y/N can you fill out this patients paper work for me while I help him to a cot?” she asked while she put the patients arm around her shoulders and began to walk him towards a cot with one of his fellow soldiers.

“Sure, no problem.” I say as I quickly walk over to the desk and start a new patient form. I look up towards the other soldier that had brought in the new patient when I was met with a pair of the bluest eyes I had ever seen. Standing before me was an incredibly hansom soldier. He stood around 6 foot tall with a blinding white smile, strong jaw line, and broad shoulders. His hair was slightly out of place, most likely due to helping his fellow soldier, but he still looked as if he had just gotten ready for the day. I had to prevent myself from letting out a gasp as my eyes quickly shifted down to focus on the form, trying to suppress the blush that was rising to my cheeks.

“Name?” I ask, keeping my eyes trained to the form.

“The names Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, but you can call me Bucky. What’s yours Doll?” he says with a confident tone to his voice.

I quickly collect myself and laugh a bit at his response. “I meant your friends name, who is currently being helped to a cot.” I state with my eyebrow arched, daring him to defy me.

“Fair enough, his name is Mike Brown.” Bucky said chuckling at your attempt to intimidate him.

“Date of birth?”

“Don’t know.”

“Place of birth?”

“Queens, New York I think.”

“And how exactly did he end up hurting his leg, Sergeant Barnes.” I ask while writing the other information down.

“Well Mikey here is a bit of a klutz. He might have tripped when he was trying to get out of the transport truck, and landed on his foot in a wrong way. I heard a crack when he hit the ground and I think it’s broken.” Bucky stated, eyeing you up and down.

“Barnes! You better not be lying to my nurse!” Mike shouted from across the tent, causing you to giggle.

“Of course not Mikey!” Bucky called back. “He hurt his leg fighting off 100 nazis single handedly.” Bucky said loud enough for Mikey to hear winking at me.

“Damn straight!” Mikey called back causing me to smile and shake my head at the soldiers antics.

“Thank you Sergeant for your help. You are free to go.” I say as you put the finishing touches on the form, struggling to not to glance at his eyes.

“Please, call me Bucky. Plus you still haven’t told me your name Doll.” Bucky said with a cocky smile.

“I know.” I say with a flirty smile and turn away from him. “Have a nice evening Sergeant Barnes.” I toss over my shoulder as I walk towards Mikey’s cot to get the remaining info for the paper work and help Dita bind his leg.

Tag List: @mizz-kraziii @littlebunnybigheart @c-ly-g

[parkingcoordinator]

Shimla to Rishikesh... end scene!

The last week has been a great, if not relaxing way to spend our last week in India. After enduring a ten hour 'hell ride' on the bus we made it to the capital of Himachel Pradesh, Shimla. The bus route wound through the Himalayas, turning and rocking constantly. Rain poured down the entire time, severely limiting the view and adding wetness to the very cold, leaky and cramped bus. Arriving in Shimla was a welcome relief but not enjoyed until after a solid nights rest. Shimla was absolutely the most domestically touristy city we've visited in India. It's easy to see why, a stunningly beautiful city, crammed high into the mountains with almost all vehicular traffic barred from 7 kilometers of its roads. Nora and I took the opportunity to wander out of the city and into the forested mountainside for some much wanted break from humanity. We departed Shimla after one full day via the famous Shimla - Kalka toy train. It's well known as one of the most beautiful train rides in the world and did not disappoint. The railway is a narrow gauge track built over 100 years ago and traverses through over 100 tunnels and over nearly 900 bridges. The views of the Himalayas are immense and incredible and they keep coming, every time you round a bend or emerge from a tunnel. After taking the 6 hour toy train ride we boarded a standard train for a 1.5 hour ride to Ambala Cantt junction, where we caught a 7 hour bus to Rishikesh. All of this travel was done on the fly with no leg of the journey booked ahead of time. A bit seat of the pants but the more unknowns you're able to travel with, the better off you are generally. Rishikesh is well known in India as the home of all things yoga related and where the holy Ganga first emerges from the foothills of the the Himalayas. As a side note, it's also where the Beatles famously studied transcendental meditation in 1968. We had not planned on this stop but had a few days to spare as we cancelled our trekking plans. Rishikesh turned out to be an amazing little town for us. It is beautiful, nestled into a small valley of foothills with the still clean(ish) Ganga's icy blue waters flowing through it. Monkeys roam freely and abundantly as squirrels. Local and foreign visitors wander in large numbers, all drawn to the yogic and spiritual nature of the city. 'When in Rome' as they say. After Nora and I met a nice and smart couple from Norway/Sweden who were living there to train as proper yoga instructors, we decided to join their class. Nora is experienced in yoga while I have never considered it something I would likely enjoy. Being able to do yoga for the first time alongside the Ganga with instructors who focused on breathing and centeredness was really wonderful. I'll certainly begin to seek out fulfilling yoga classes back in the good ol' U.S. of A. "Hey, let's ride motorbikes through the Himalayas after yoga"! Yeah, sign me up for that. Two days in a row we did yoga followed by bike riding. The first day took us to Devprayag, a tiny town dropped into a huge valley. Here the Alaknanda and Bhagirathi rivers come together to create the Ganga. While it's very unassuming, it's a place full of history and spirituality. Day two I struck out alone, Nora opting to pass on a second day of tight turns and sheer cliffs. I headed north to Tehri dam, one of the tallest dams in the world. The views along the route were breathtaking and riding among the clouds was an experience I'll never forget. Being able to push my luck with the bends and fly up and down the mountain at my own speed was nothing short of a religious experience! Thankfully I made it through without actually SEEING the gods. I'm confident I'll be making a similar ride around these parts in the future. It's bittersweet to leave India most certainly. It's so intense here but it's more than equally rewarding in what you get back from your effort. We've settled into life here as much as somebody could on a trip like this and already are looking forward to returning in the future. We are on a 6.5 hour bus ride from Rishikesh to Delhi as I write this. Very early tomorrow morning we have an 8 hour flight to Istanbul, a 14 hour layover and then a 13 hour flight to Bogata. The next few days to a week will be a gauntlet of travel, jetlag, culture-sticker-diet shock. Ah, how lovely... HA!! Love from Delhi.

[theinquisitivej]

Airplane Travel Log: 11-07-18

The following posts were made every hour, or as close to that as I could manage, during my long flight to Australia. As I progressed further along on my journey, my updates became less frequent due to me drifting in and out of sleep during those hours. I figured this would be an opportunity to write something a little different, as well as something to help make the journey go a little quicker. I occasionally mention the two people I travelled with and refer to them as S. and C., so that’s who I’m talking about when you see those abbreviations. I go into the films I watched, the things I did to pass the time, my thoughts and concerns about the flight itself, and generally discuss the details of the trip. Hope you enjoy this experimental post, and if you’d like me to do something like this again, let me know, and I’ll do the same on my return flight in three weeks’ time.

Hour #0:

Yay there are a load of films I haven't seen before on the screen in front of me! ...oh and I'm heading to Australia, that's cool too. Got a long journey ahead. This hourly log should be fun. Will try to watch a bunch of movies. I feel I should be trying to make all of them top-notch films to make the most of the opportunity, but ehhhhhhhhh I think some lightweight entertainment/ trash will go down well too. Once we're in the air, I think I'll get started on Game Night. S. will be watching that too, so we'll find out together where that falls on the scale. Let's get started with the fun.

Hour #1:

The comedy in this makes me titter. Not a lot of big laughs, but enough. The establishing shots that make things look like board game pieces are neat. Product placement is more apparent than usual and a little too on the nose, but nothing offensive. Rachel McAdams is the highlight - really watchable with pleasant delivery and immense likeability.

Hour#2:

Finished Game Night. Entertaining fun; not the most memorable film, but more effort put into its cinematography than you'd expect. I liked it. Also had food and stretched my legs. It's starting to dawn on me how much of this trip lies ahead... ah well, let's watch Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.

Hour #3:

I am really enjoying this. Music evokes a classic Spielbergian adventure, actors are all having fun, and it evokes the tone of the original Jumanji while simultaneously being a light-hearted send up to videogames. The CGI and effects are occasionally ropey, but let's be fair, the original jumanji was MUCH worse in that area. Not a particularly deep blockbuster, but nevertheless an impressive follow-up to a cult classic that does its own thing.

Hour #4:

Yup, that was great. Just enough character moments to make it have heart. Makes you feel happy to watch it. Got an hour and a half left before our changeover. Feeling cramped beyond comfort; need to stretch my legs before I grow concerned that they'll never move again. After that, I reckon I'll try playing the Switch on a plane, like in those ads with the trendy people who go on spontaneous rooftop Switch parties. Time is slowly beginning to lose meaning...

Hour #5:

Knocked a couple shrines off in Breath of the Wild (yes I'm still on that). We're starting our descent now, so I guess I'll scrounge together my various bits and pieces before we have to rush to catch the next plane at our changeover. Precious, precious walking time... Should I catch some sleep at the start of our next flight? ...nah. I saw some anime  listed that looked interesting, I might check that out on the next plane.

Hour #6:

After a changeover with numerous checks and anxiety inducing stops-and-starts, am now sat down for the second (and longer) half of the flight. 13 hours of flight time await us, and the screens this time are... well a little more murky on video quality, and the headphone sockets don't quite fit our jacks. We've managed to get them to work, so watching films is still possible, thank goodness. While C. watches the football live (which apparently is a thing you can do on planes now which is cool), and S. watches The Post, I reckon I'm gonna check out Summer Wars. As an aside, there's a video explaining how the in-flight entertainment works; I've seen it four times now between these two flights, and there's a guy who just looks like he's having the time of his life. He is on a wonderous, mystical journey with this in-flight entertainment. I wanna be half as happy as that guy, cos he's the best.

Hour #7:

Watching Summer Wars, but we've been dealing with intermittent bouts of turbulence. Since none of us are especially seasoned fliers, this is kind of scary. If I go out here, then I'll have gone out watching anime; tell my story!

Hours #8-9:

Finished Summer Wars- that was pretty special. Lovely animation, as I've come to expect from Madhouse and Mamoru Hosoda, the team and director responsible for The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. The pacing can be a little slow and drag in places, but it has that Yasujirō Ozu feel of quietly enjoying just being around its central family, and the combination of tradition and new technology in this film is fascinatingly depicted. As an aside, I'm pretty sure this is the animation studio taking another shot at the first Digimon Movie, because certain moments feel very familiar (Looking it up after the fact, Hosoda did indeed work on one of the short films that made up the first American Digimon movie, and apparently others have also pointed out a connection between that short film and Summer Wars). Anyway, turbulence is still around, still scary, but I'm tired; gonna fall asleep on S. now.

Hour #10-12:

In and out of sleep, interrupted by the occasional bit of turbulence. Have woken up now feeling at least partially rested. I feel too fresh from sleep to watch something just yet, so I'm gonna make some more progress on Breath of the Wild.

Hour #13:

As more shrines are ticked off, we're being handed pizza slices by the crew. Eating this has made it hit me that I have lost all sense of time. Is it time for breakfast now? Or lunch? Is today still yesterday, or is it in fact tomorrow? ... I'm going back to the Switch now.

Hours #14-???:

I have been drifting in and out of sleep for the last few hours now. Written up the paperwork I need to do to get into Australia, and from the looks of it we'll be landing in an hour and a half. The turbulence has died down, so I'm glad that's over. S. & C. were having a rough time with it, and even though I was confident that this is normal and not something to worry about, I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me nervous too. Am probably going to leave it there with the films; I'm too tired to really get into anything, so I think I'd rather get my bits together and enjoy the view as we come down.

Hour #LAST:

There was a beautiful sunset as we began our approach; I'd say it feels strange to see that happen after having breakfast not too long ago, but honestly, time is broken and I've lost all trace of reality. My bed calls to me. We've just gone through security now, and have got a train ticket to where we're staying. This is the last post I'll be writing. Despite how exhausted I feel, it has been a lot of fun going through this with S. & C. for company, and writing this has certainly made the trip more enjoyable. I'll probably do another one of these on the way back in three weeks. But before all that I'm gonna go collapse into my bed. End of log, or whatever you say when you end one of these.

[kp-reading-blog]

Shelter My Heart by L.G. O'Connor is a Compelling Romance Novel

Shelter My Heart is a romance novel that was published May 17th, 2017 and is a romantic women's fiction novel with a lot of clever twists!

About Shelter My Heart

Devon, an ailing, young CEO-in-training due to inherit his dead father’s conglomerate saves the day for Jenny, an engaged young woman on her way home to see her family. To repay his kindness, she agrees to be his date for his family’s annual society gala and convince the board that he’s healthy and going to marry. Two weeks are all Devon needs, and two weeks are all Jenny can give—until the stakes rise, forcing Jenny to answer the question: How far is she willing to go to save Devon’s life?

Rave Reviews of Shelter My Heart

"A well-polished, wonderfully written love story driven by believable characters whose strengths and flaws add complexity to a fairy-tale romance." 

~IndieReader, 4.5 stars 

"O'Connor's contemporary romance is very realistic and will tug on the heartstrings of probably more readers than she expected . . . Jillian and Raine have faced a lifetime's worth of secrets and heartbreaks . . . you'll want to cheer them on until the very end."

~RT Book Reviews

"Hard to beat Romance for 2016. . ."

~HEA Romances with a Little Kick Blog

"Beautiful and haunting. . . I loved every second of this sexy, sweet and romantic book!!!"

~The Romance Reviews, Top Pick, 5 stars

A Message from L.G. O'Connor

Shelter My Heart is the second novel in the Caught Up in Love series about three New Jersey women from the same family. Each woman harbors a guilty secret and must journey through her personal pain to find redemption and ultimately surrender her heart for a second chance to get caught up in love.

This novel came into being all because I drove by a group of landscapers on my way out of a hospital parking lot in the summer of 2013. One of the guys—tall, blond, and gorgeous—had an uncanny resemblance to the hero in my current novel. I contemplated stopping the car to ask him if he wanted to pose for my cover. Call me shy. I couldn’t do it. But the question of “What if?” rattled around inside my brain until it became the first chapter of Caught Up in Raine.  I may not have had the nerve, but Jillian did—she stopped the car…

L.G. O’Connor’s interview with Shelter My Heart hero, Devon Soames.

Summit, NJ. Starbucks. 6:30 a.m. 

Commuters stream in for their rush of early morning caffeine on their way to the train station across the street. The commute into Manhattan isn’t one I miss. I carry my much needed Grande Americano and a Venti Iced Green Tea for Devon to the long, narrow bar against the window, and settle into an empty stool to wait for him.  

Right on time, a vintage Aston Martin rolls into a parking spot across the street. Devon emerges from the right—the driver’s side of his British import. I smile. Looks like his car’s finally street legal.  

Tall and broad-shouldered with sandy-blond hair, Devon looks more awake than I feel. He’s certainly better dressed. Then again, most days he looks like he stepped off the pages of a Ralph Lauren catalog in crisp khakis, a polo shirt, and a watch from his enviable collection. Passing a hand through his hair, he waits for a car to pass then strolls across the street with an unconscious sexy grace and confidence. There aren’t many people I’d get out of bed to meet at this ungodly hour, but he certainly makes my list.  

A smile sweeps across Devon’s lips as he steps inside and spots me. I’ll admit I enjoy the view as he strides my way. Gah! Jenny is one lucky girl. To think how close he came to dying still sends a shiver over my skin.

I stand, ignoring the uptick in my heartbeat, and accept his hug. “Hey, sweetheart. Thanks for meeting me before work,” I say, catching the sandalwood scent of his cologne as he pulls away.

“Anything for you,” he says with a look of sincerity in his chocolate-flecked blue eyes.

[LGO] *sits and slides him his drink*

I figured you wouldn’t mind meeting here since you and Jenny practically own stock in this place, and it appears in both Shelter My Heart and your prequel novella, One Summer Day.

[Devon] *laughs and pulls up a stool*

We do own stock. Best iced green tea in town. Thanks. *holds up his drink*

[LGO] Since we have a time limit, how about I jump right into our interview? But before I grill you on your innermost secrets, why don’t you tell us a bit about Shelter My Heart?

[Devon] Ha! Sure… It’s about how I meet Jenny the summer before I’m due to take over as CEO and talk her into coming to my family’s charity gala as my date…which kind of includes her spending most of her two-week vacation getting to know me. It’s a good mix of romance and suspense.

[LGO] Sounds like fun!

[Devon] *shakes head and laughs*

L.G., you have a twisted sense fun. Jenny was engaged to someone else, my life literally hung in the balance, Lettie’s well-intentioned scheming made me half crazy, and someone tried to kill me. How was that fun?

[LGO] *arches a brow* Would you do it again?

[Devon] *smiles* In a bloody heartbeat.

[LGO] Not to be smug, but I thought so. All that said, what’s your idea of perfect happiness?

[Devon] Hmm…A clean bill of health. Jenny. A bottle of champagne now that I can drink... *Raises a blond eyebrow and gives me a pointed look* And a locked bedroom door.

[LGO] *throws up hands in surrender*

Listen, I didn’t mean for Lettie to walk in on you and Jen in flagrante delicto. Your twin sister has a strong mind of her own. You can’t control her, you think I can? I’m just the conduit for all of you guys. Don’t blame me. Next question…what’s your greatest fear?

[Devon] *tents hands and shakes head*

That’s easy…Dying and leaving Jenny behind…and Lettie, Mom… I can’t think of anything worse than that.

[LGO] *sigh* I know this is a hard subject, and you’ve had more reason that most people to think about it, but if you had to choose, how would you choose to die?

[Devon] *snorts a laugh*

How did you come up with these upbeat questions?

[LGO] *shrugs*

They’re on the list and you’re the one who mentioned dying. I’m just following your lead…

[Devon] Brilliant. So you’re saying I walked into that? You’ve been spending too much time with Lettie. Fine… if I have a choice, quietly in my sleep when I’m old and have had a chance to live a long life with Jenny and our future family. What’s the next question? My favorite funeral dirge?

[LGO] *chuckles* Nope, onto happier topics. Which living person do you most admire?

[Devon] Thank God we’re off death and dying! Sir Richard Branson. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting him in the context of business. He amazes me. He’s lived an incredible life and even though he’s run some of the most highly visible and successful companies, he’s a philanthropist who’s retained his humility and truly understands the value of family, pursuing dreams, and living his best life. He epitomizes all the things my father wasn’t as CEO of Kingsbridge. All the things I hope I’ll be as heir to his seat…

[LGO] *gives Devon’s hand a squeeze*

I have every confidence you will. Next question: What’s your greatest extravagance?

[Devon] *Holds up hand*

These. Ironic that I love watches, considering time hasn’t exactly been on my side for the last few years. This one’s my favorite, the Breitling Superocean.

[LGO] So what quality do you like most in a woman?

[DEVON] Ah. You should know this one…strength. My mom, Lettie, Jenny—they’re the strongest women I know. What we’ve lived through, together and apart, we would’ve never made it without sheer will and determination. 

[LGO] Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

[DEVON] Ha, that one’s easy. Bloody and bollocks. Being one of the only Americans in an English board school growing up, and then going to Oxford, has me swearing like a native.

[LGO] When and where were you happiest?

[DEVON] *smile grows on his lips*

Can’t answer that. I think you call it a spoiler. To find out, your readers will have to buy Shelter My Heart. 

[LGO] Fair point. What is your motto?

[DEVON] Easiest question yet…Live today, you never know what tomorrow will bring.

[LGO] Perfect. That’s a wrap, my dear! Give my love to Jenny, Lettie and your Mom.

[DEVON} *leans in for a parting hug* Always.

[parkingcoordinator]

Shimla to Rishikesh... end scene!

The last week has been a great, if not relaxing way to spend our last week in India.

After enduring a ten hour ‘hell ride’ on the bus we made it to the capital of Himachel Pradesh, Shimla. The bus route wound through the Himalayas, turning and rocking constantly. Rain poured down the entire time, severely limiting the view and adding wetness to the very cold, leaky and cramped bus. Arriving in Shimla was a welcome relief but not enjoyed until after a solid nights rest.

Shimla was absolutely the most domestically touristy city we’ve visited in India. It’s easy to see why, a stunningly beautiful city, crammed high into the mountains with almost all vehicular traffic barred from 7 kilometers of its roads. Nora and I took the opportunity to wander out of the city and into the forested mountainside for some much wanted break from humanity. We departed Shimla after one full day via the famous Shimla - Kalka toy train. It’s well known as one of the most beautiful train rides in the world and did not disappoint. The railway is a narrow gauge track built over 100 years ago and traverses through over 100 tunnels and over nearly 900 bridges. The views of the Himalayas are immense and incredible and they keep coming, every time you round a bend or emerge from a tunnel.

After taking the 6 hour toy train ride we boarded a standard train for a 1.5 hour ride to Ambala Cantt junction, where we caught a 7 hour bus to Rishikesh. All of this travel was done on the fly with no leg of the journey booked ahead of time. A bit seat of the pants but the more unknowns you’re able to travel with, the better off you are generally.

Rishikesh is well known in India as the home of all things yoga related and where the holy Ganga first emerges from the foothills of the the Himalayas. As a side note, it’s also where the Beatles famously studied transcendental meditation in 1968. We had not planned on this stop but had a few days to spare as we cancelled our trekking plans.

Rishikesh turned out to be an amazing little town for us. It is beautiful, nestled into a small valley of foothills with the still clean(ish) Ganga’s icy blue waters flowing through it. Monkeys roam freely and abundantly as squirrels. Local and foreign visitors wander in large numbers, all drawn to the yogic and spiritual nature of the city.

'When in Rome’ as they say. After Nora and I met a nice and smart couple from Norway/Sweden who were living there to train as proper yoga instructors, we decided to join their class. Nora is experienced in yoga while I have never considered it something I would likely enjoy. Being able to do yoga for the first time alongside the Ganga with instructors who focused on breathing and centeredness was really wonderful. I’ll certainly begin to seek out fulfilling yoga classes back in the good ol’ U.S. of A.

“Hey, let’s ride motorbikes through the Himalayas after yoga”! Yeah, sign me up for that. Two days in a row we did yoga followed by bike riding. The first day took us to Devprayag, a tiny town dropped into a huge valley. Here the Alaknanda and Bhagirathi rivers come together to create the Ganga. While it’s very unassuming, it’s a place full of history and spirituality.

Day two I struck out alone, Nora opting to pass on a second day of tight turns and sheer cliffs. I headed north to Tehri dam, one of the tallest dams in the world. The views along the route were breathtaking and riding among the clouds was an experience I’ll never forget. Being able to push my luck with the bends and fly up and down the mountain at my own speed was nothing short of a religious experience! Thankfully I made it through without actually SEEING the gods. I’m confident I’ll be making a similar ride around these parts in the future.

It’s bittersweet to leave India most certainly. It’s so intense here but it’s more than equally rewarding in what you get back from your effort. We’ve settled into life here as much as somebody could on a trip like this and already are looking forward to returning in the future.

We are on a 6.5 hour bus ride from Rishikesh to Delhi as I write this. Very early tomorrow morning we have an 8 hour flight to Istanbul, a 14 hour layover and then a 13 hour flight to Bogata. The next few days to a week will be a gauntlet of travel, jetlag and culture-sticker-diet shock. Ah, how lovely… HA!!

Love from Delhi.

[parkingcoordinator]

Shimla to Rishikesh... end scene!

The last week has been a great, if not relaxing way to spend our last week in India. After enduring a ten hour 'hell ride' on the bus we made it to the capital of Himachel Pradesh, Shimla. The bus route wound through the Himalayas, turning and rocking constantly. Rain poured down the entire time, severely limiting the view and adding wetness to the very cold, leaky and cramped bus. Arriving in Shimla was a welcome relief but not enjoyed until after a solid nights rest. Shimla was absolutely the most domestically touristy city we've visited in India. It's easy to see why, a stunningly beautiful city, crammed high into the mountains with almost all vehicular traffic barred from 7 kilometers of its roads. Nora and I took the opportunity to wander out of the city and into the forested mountainside for some much wanted break from humanity. We departed Shimla after one full day via the famous Shimla - Kalka toy train. It's well known as one of the most beautiful train rides in the world and did not disappoint. The railway is a narrow gauge track built over 100 years ago and traverses through over 100 tunnels and over nearly 900 bridges. The views of the Himalayas are immense and incredible and they keep coming, every time you round a bend or emerge from a tunnel. After taking the 6 hour toy train ride we boarded a standard train for a 1.5 hour ride to Ambala Cantt junction, where we caught a 7 hour bus to Rishikesh. All of this travel was done on the fly with no leg of the journey booked ahead of time. A bit seat of the pants but the more unknowns you're able to travel with, the better off you are generally. Rishikesh is well known in India as the home of all things yoga related and where the holy Ganga first emerges from the foothills of the the Himalayas. As a side note, it's also where the Beatles famously studied transcendental meditation in 1968. We had not planned on this stop but had a few days to spare as we cancelled our trekking plans. Rishikesh turned out to be an amazing little town for us. It is beautiful, nestled into a small valley of foothills with the still clean(ish) Ganga's icy blue waters flowing through it. Monkeys roam freely and abundantly as squirrels. Local and foreign visitors wander in large numbers, all drawn to the yogic and spiritual nature of the city. 'When in Rome' as they say. After Nora and I met a nice and smart couple from Norway/Sweden who were living there to train as proper yoga instructors, we decided to join their class. Nora is experienced in yoga while I have never considered it something I would likely enjoy. Being able to do yoga for the first time alongside the Ganga with instructors who focused on breathing and centeredness was really wonderful. I'll certainly begin to seek out fulfilling yoga classes back in the good ol' U.S. of A. "Hey, let's ride motorbikes through the Himalayas after yoga"! Yeah, sign me up for that. Two days in a row we did yoga followed by bike riding. The first day took us to Devprayag, a tiny town dropped into a huge valley. Here the Alaknanda and Bhagirathi rivers come together to create the Ganga. While it's very unassuming, it's a place full of history and spirituality. Day two I struck out alone, Nora opting to pass on a second day of tight turns and sheer cliffs. I headed north to Tehri dam, one of the tallest dams in the world. The views along the route were breathtaking and riding among the clouds was an experience I'll never forget. Being able to push my luck with the bends and fly up and down the mountain at my own speed was nothing short of a religious experience! Thankfully I made it through without actually SEEING the gods. I'm confident I'll be making a similar ride around these parts in the future. It's bittersweet to leave India most certainly. It's so intense here but it's more than equally rewarding in what you get back from your effort. We've settled into life here as much as somebody could on a trip like this and already are looking forward to returning in the future. We are on a 6.5 hour bus ride from Rishikesh to Delhi as I write this. Very early tomorrow morning we have an 8 hour flight to Istanbul, a 14 hour layover and then a 13 hour flight to Bogata. The next few days to a week will be a gauntlet of travel, jetlag, culture-sticker-diet shock. Ah, how lovely... HA!! Love from Delhi.

[parkingcoordinator]

Shimla to Rishikesh.... end scene!

The last week has been a great, if not relaxing way to spend our last week in India. After enduring a ten hour 'hell ride' on the bus we made it to the capital of Himachel Pradesh, Shimla. The bus route wound through the Himalayas, turning and rocking constantly. Rain poured down the entire time, severely limiting the view and adding wetness to the very cold, leaky and cramped bus. Arriving in Shimla was a welcome relief but not enjoyed until after a solid nights rest. Shimla was absolutely the most domestically touristy city we've visited in India. It's easy to see why, a stunningly beautiful city, crammed high into the mountains with almost all vehicular traffic barred from 7 kilometers of its roads. Nora and I took the opportunity to wander out of the city and into the forested mountainside for some much wanted break from humanity. We departed Shimla after one full day via the famous Shimla - Kalka toy train. It's well known as one of the most beautiful train rides in the world and did not disappoint. The railway is a narrow gauge track built over 100 years ago and traverses through over 100 tunnels and over nearly 900 bridges. The views of the Himalayas are immense and incredible and they keep coming, every time you round a bend or emerge from a tunnel. After taking the 6 hour toy train ride we boarded a standard train for a 1.5 hour ride to Ambala Cantt junction, where we caught a 7 hour bus to Rishikesh. All of this travel was done on the fly with no leg of the journey booked ahead of time. A bit seat of the pants but the more unknowns you're able to travel with, the better off you are generally. Rishikesh is well known in India as the home of all things yoga related and where the holy Ganga first emerges from the foothills of the the Himalayas. As a side note, it's also where the Beatles famously studied transcendental meditation in 1968. We had not planned on this stop but had a few days to spare as we cancelled our trekking plans. Rishikesh turned out to be an amazing little town for us. It is beautiful, nestled into a small valley of foothills with the still clean(ish) Ganga's icy blue waters flowing through it. Monkeys roam freely and abundantly as squirrels. Local and foreign visitors wander in large numbers, all drawn to the yogic and spiritual nature of the city. 'When in Rome' as they say. After Nora and I met a nice and smart couple from Norway/Sweden who were living there to train as proper yoga instructors, we decided to join their class. Nora is experienced in yoga while I have never considered it something I would likely enjoy. Being able to do yoga for the first time alongside the Ganga with instructors who focused on breathing and centeredness was really wonderful. I'll certainly begin to seek out fulfilling yoga classes back in the good ol' U.S. of A. "Hey, let's ride motorbikes through the Himalayas after yoga"! Yeah, sign me up for that. Two days in a row we did yoga followed by bike riding. The first day took us to Devprayag, a tiny town dropped into a huge valley. Here the Alaknanda and Bhagirathi rivers come together to create the Ganga. While it's very unassuming, it's a place full of history and spirituality. Day two I struck out alone, Nora opting to pass on a second day of tight turns and sheer cliffs. I headed north to Tehri dam, one of the tallest dams in the world. The views along the route were breathtaking and riding among the clouds was an experience I'll never forget. Being able to push my luck with the bends and fly up and down the mountain at my own speed was nothing short of a religious experience! Thankfully I made it through without actually SEEING the gods. I'm confident I'll be making a similar ride around these parts in the future. It's bittersweet to leave India most certainly. It's so intense here but it's more than equally rewarding in what you get back from your effort. We've settled into life here as much as somebody could on a trip like this and already are looking forward to returning in the future. We are on a 6.5 hour bus ride from Rishikesh to Delhi as I write this. Very early tomorrow morning we have an 8 hour flight to Istanbul, a 14 hour layover and then a 13 hour flight to Bogata. The next few days to a week will be a gauntlet of travel, jetlag, culture-sticker-diet shock. Ah, how lovely... HA!! Love from Delhi.