#and i honestly dont want to obsess over things as much anymore as i did in 2019

[tonowarii]

Headcanons of the Sully brothers dating a Fem! Human

Note: Since I am a sucker of human x na'vi relationships... and also this had been a request in my main account and i just decided to do it here <3 these are so short im so sorry??? and i wrote a whole friends to lovers w lo'ak mb, both of them have my heart

GIFs used are mine

N e t e y a m

If the word "protective" was a person, it'd be him no doubt

Because you're so tiny?? He can literally cover your whole face with his bare hand

Def did it once as a joke to laugh at how tiny you are and you were not amused

But also for him, tiny = needing more protection from the whole pandora world

You tripped over a huge branch once, almost breaking your exopack in the process

Let's say Neteyam nearly had a heart attack dragging you to the lab in camp to get you a "new" one

Everytime you'd go over to their place, he always have to be holding your hand/touching you in some way

Always.

It's to make sure you don't get lost from the crowd of people much much bigger and taller than you, like he described one time "you are like an ant to them, i have to be holding you so you dont get crushed"

Either your whole hand in his fist or his huge hand on your waist guiding you where to go

He knows humans are fragile but he knows you can handle yourself but- he

Just always keeps an eye out for you, always asking if you're feeling anything different or if you want something

You appreciate the gesture tho, he's so caring <3

Now, he knows you're human and he is Na'vi, things are bound to get complicated from there since..

A human, and a na'vi? it was unheard of

But Neteyam doesn't care, as long as he loves you and you love him

He'd do anything for you

Probably let you ride w his Ikran once and he was just smiling like an idiot as you were clinging to him for your whole life screaming

He's obsessed w your touch

I hc he's also touch starved so he has to be touching you in a way

In public, sure its his tail wrapped around your thigh, or his hand always on your back

Just those small subtle touches <33

You'd never want anyone else except him

Seriously would you want anything else??

OH ALSO HIS FAMILY

Tuk was so curious abt you, Kiri and Lo'ak are chill, but you were mostly close w Kiri <33

"Your hair is so nice!!" - Tuk

"Thank you, Tuk!"

Honestly Neteyam would probably b jealous since Tuk is always stealing you from him >:(

But he loves the sight of you bonding w his siblings, it makes your relationship even better, stronger somehow :D

L o ' a k

Boy was probably cautious of you at first

Kiri dragged you to their tent as you were engaged in conversation

Lo'ak was doing something when he heard your voice, making his head perk up

Who were you????

But as time passed you also meet Kiri's siblings, growing a special interest for Lo'ak <33

Soon enough you both find yourselves to be bonding, growing closer as you joined his reckless adventures

Then when Lo'ak realized he was, in fact, growing feelings for you

It had him confused.. And probably became distant w you to make sure what he was feeling was true and it wasn't some kind of stupid spur of the moment type feelings

It led to you being confused as well, why was he suddenly ignoring you all of a sudden? It kinda hurt

Lo'ak then decided to open up to his sister, Kiri, about you after a few weeks

After Lo'ak was done explaining, Kiri smacked him on the head

"Lo'ak you are probably the dumbest person I know at this moment, why don't you just go tell her how you feel!"

Bc Kiri also knows you like Lo'ak but she can't be too obvious

"(Y/N), I have to tell you something."

Oh no

You had feared that you did something that made him this distant from you, or was he going to tell you that your feelings for him were too obvious and that he couldn't be with you because of the obvious difference? Or was it maybe because he just doesn't like hanging out with you anymore-

"I'm sorry I was ignoring you, I did not mean to.. Its just.. Okay here," He hands you a flower almost bigger than the size of your hand, but it was pretty

Wait what-

"That reminded me of you... I like you, (Y/N)"

You took the flower from him and you looked at him before tackling him in a hug, jumping on him.

You look like a koala hugging a tree atp

Lo'ak almost failed to catch you as he was trapped within the hug that he wasn't used to receiving, ESPECIALLY FROM SOMEONE HE LIKED??

That was when he knew you liked him too

NOW ONTO DATING HIM

Now remember when you used to join his reckless adventures in the forest?

You still join him, but you could feel that he was now hesitant w his actions, afraid that you could get hurt from his recklessness

You reassure him that he doesn't have to worry abt you and you could handle it, just like old times

He knows that but STILL

Whenever he spots a scratch on you he'd be taking you to Kiri, asking to put that special ointment that she uses on him and Neteyam whenever they get hurt from doing something stupid

"Put it on her, I don't want it getting infected"

"Wow, since when did you become a doctor, Lo'ak?"

With every adventure you took with him, Lo'ak makes sure to pick up a bead every time to remember the moment

Bc he's going to make you a bracelet w it <33

When he finishes it and he gives it to you, he almost fell in love again w the look of adoration on your face as you thanked him over and over as you hugged him (yes he was carrying you or else you'd be hugging his leg 💀)

You never took it off and you even proudly showed it off in the lab and w his family, making him a blushy shy mess

Took you to ride on his Ikran once and he loved that you weren't afraid, but you were still clinging onto him while admiring the beauty of the Hallelujah Mountains

For Lo'ak, he can handle pda

No, he loves it

In a way he's reminded that you aren't ashamed to be with him and vice versa

He swears he's abt to go wild when you hold his pinky in public

When you both are free and hanging out in the lab he loves comparing hand sizes

And loves having your finger on his face, tracing his stripes

Its the small moments w you two that he treasures the most

He knew that you were the one, even if you were human, nothing's going to stop him from loving you

[ganondoodle]

im not lying when i say that i was just finally getting "over" totk, like i hate it still, but the immediate anger and need to rant has died down-

and then the elden ring DLC fucks with me in a very similar way, just even moreso focused on my favorite character in that entire franchise, completely unexpectedly, and the more i learn about it the worse it gets and now i feel even worse bc i dont have the energy anymore to get as angry as i did with totk and its just kinda ... depression and sadness ..

it was like the interest i could fall back to when zelda annoyed me too much or i needed a break from that and i was honestly thinking about doing more with it but now

i know i know i can always draw 'my own stuff' but being a fan of a piece of media or character is just fun and .. furfilling to me in a different way and now i feel so empty again ... and finding new things to obsess about is easier said and done bc i dont 'decide' to stop liking something and neither can just decide to obsess over something so im just kinda left hanging here ... and in a way, i still like it and care about it, frustratingly so, and dont WANT to just stop and find soemthign new ...

[supervillain-smut]

Hi hi hi hi!!

Just found your acc, and the skyrim hug posts absolutely sent me!

My braincells (when in Skyrim mode which is usually)

Bounce the most between obsessing over Teldryn or Marcurio.

I dont have immediate prompt ideasin mind but id love more hc of either of them!

Im a horrible tragedy/angst simp, but love comfort after it. But I’m here for all the fluff, spice , and or angst you can come up with!

I hope this doesnt bug you, but you did post about wanting more interactions ~

How about one of each?

Marcurio:

Marcurio doesn't take grief well, honestly. He sobs, he drinks, he starts fights and pushes those close to him further away, then grieves about that. He begins an awful cycle when something serious happens.

However, once he's done his grieving, he's on an immediate mission to fix things and get his life together. He bounces back, picks his head up, and carries on no matter how much it hurts.

His favorite form of physical affection is having his hair played with.

Speaking of his hair; pull it. He'll moan like a whore if you pull his hair sharply when he's getting close.

Teldryn Sero:

Teldryn's worst fear is being useless. He's been a hired merc for so long, that the day he can't do that anymore may as well be considered the day he died.

He'd find peace in teaching kids how to fight and defend themselves, and he'd be quite good at it, too. Some of the best arena fighters and hired mercs have their teacher Teldryn Sero to thank for it.

Teldryn loves to sleep, mostly cuddled up to his favorite person he trusts the most. So long as they're there, he can fall asleep anywhere.

This Mer cannot keep his hands to himself in public and adores risky quickies.

[salarta]

hi hi!

is it just me or have i just grown bored of the new x-men 97 show? its just the same all over again with the 90s cartoon, just a few elements changed and ANNOYING cameos. like ffs these cameos are such beloved characters and they sideline them so much.

im a huge polaris fan and the injustice she gets done in TV is just idk-

i dont want lorna to be treated as a side character anymore, she deserves to be a main character for once, especially in the mcu. Its so hard finding people out there who like lorna. they always ask "who is that?“ "oh is that the green wanda?“ or something like that.

in wolverine and the x-men she was just potrayed as this naive little girl. and just deserved so much more screentime.

currently just disliking how they choose to ignore lorna as if she isnt a big part of magnetos story.

Thats all, i would love to hear your thoughts on this <33

I'm responding to your inbox as I read it, so I might say something and then find out you talked about it or it doesn't apply when I get to the next part.

Honestly, I have enough experience now with Marvelthink (since 2009) that I know when they're hyping up a 90s connection like this, it means it's going to be mired in too much nostalgia. So I didn't plan on watching X-Men 97 even before it was announced. That doesn't mean they couldn't have swayed me to change my mind and watch it - I originally avoided Wolverine and the X-Men for overemphasizing Wolverine but came around to it because of good work for Lorna - but I expected bad things and they've proven me right so far.

Lorna's in a better position overall today than she was when I found out about her. It might not seem like it, but more people do know she exists. And before Wanda became more popular and gained more awareness, the more common derogatory comparison was "Magneto with boobs."

I was alright with WatXM. Mainly because a) it was an AU version of her that was younger (I think even younger than when she was introduced in the comics), and b) it hit on the most important character moments and developments for her. She was part of Genosha, she's a survivor of the genocide, she's also Magneto's daughter alongside the twins, etc. I feel she would've had really good development in the seasons to follow if they had happened.

Comparing that to X-Men 97, which is so obsessed with nostalgia and regressive attitudes (even while claiming the mantle of progressive) that they refuse to respect Lorna's character and development beyond that framework. Beau DeMayo and his people on the show made it very clear that they see Lorna primarily as a supporting character for Havok on X-Factor. Which is quite frankly also mired in sexism even if they tell themselves they can't be sexist, "I treated this other female character well so I can't be sexist," etc.

Another person I chatted with elsewhere mentioned that since Beau DeMayo was fired before the cartoon started airing, maybe the new showrunner will fix the damage Beau did and do things right. It's a possibility, but I only see it really working out if the cartoon acknowledges Lorna as a survivor of the Genoshan genocide by middle of season 2 AND gives that story a lot more space than it would've had if they had simply acknowledged it in season 1. My comparison point is Barb from Stranger Things. The Stranger Things showrunners didn't realize how much people would care about Barb, and committed to giving her more respect in the second season.

Overall, I think X-Men 97 is run by people who have their heads stuck in the past, willing to exploit newer material like the Genoshan genocide to get more buzz but not actually respect its weight and dimensions in any truly substantial way.

Which, on that note, another common thing people often say to try to defend shit like what X-Men 97 pulled is to tell themselves and others that what was done in that depiction is the best it could've been done. The reality in cases like this is it could've been done a hell of a lot better, but being an uncritical fan puts blinders on a person. Don't wanna end up in a position where they have to critically think about the content beyond absorbing and loving it, don't have to understand why other people would have a problem with how things were done.

I think that's all I've got for now. Hopefully the new showrunner doesn't suck ass like Beau, and hopefully the MCU cares more about quality and care where Lorna can come into it than about feeding nostalgia boners of people who don't want to move past where their heads were at 30 years ago.

[spaceyflowers]

hi!! im still alive!! + updates on this blog

first: i would like to apologize for disappearing without a word for like. nearly a year. im terribly sorry for any worry i've caused T_T;;

honestly i have no good excuse for disappearing like i did especially without reason (not that im obligated to let everyone know my business but i did have a "i wont randomly disappear!" sentiment and yet... here i am) but in a nutshell, its basically: fandom shifts, college, and guilt.

if you want to know about the future of this blog fandom wise;

still going to be a lookism/viral hit blog (havent caught up yet) but most likely wont be as active in the fandom anymore;;; thinking of sticking as a lookism blog until that series ends but who knows when it will so i might eventually just change fandoms 😭

please dont feel bad about unfollowing or anything!! curate what u wanna see with who u follow, i take no personal offense, even if we've been long time mutuals!! ><

fandom shifts will probably be more common; i have this weird thing where i cant focus on multiple interests or i get stressed;; so i get obsessed with one thing for months/years but then once i lose interest and move on, its likely i wont return to it unless something triggers it. thats why i dont think "multifandom" fits me, i'll always be fandom focused, its just the fandom focus changes 😭

p.s. sorry if im being dramatic about this (i feel like a youtuber who got canceled writing an apology 😭😭) i just feel like i owe yall an explanation </3

if you're curious about me, i've left that under the cut;

got into a new interest which made me stop looking at lookism/viral hit stuff -> knowing my blogs are lookism focused, i decided to take a "break"

couldnt get myself back into lookism after my "break" ended -> couldnt get myself back on tumblr

started to feel guilty because i havent been active in a long while

senior year ending, school takes my priorities -> summer break comes, i swear i'll apologize on tumblr but guilt eats away at me and then i have to do college stuff

become a little active on tiktok, start feeling more guilty because im active there but not on tumblr

college begins, get busy with college stuff -> during breaks, swear i'll apologize on tumblr pt 2 but the guilt has piled up so much it feels like the equivalent of when a person cant get themself to reopen their animal crossing new leaf game because they havent touched it in a long time

first college semester ends, winter break starts -> finally convince myself to get over it and start typing all this up

once again im really sorry T_T i was not made for the content creator life bc i cant stay active for shit + i feel so bad gaining followers for one thing but once i move on from that one thing, it feels like im disappointing a lot of ppl even tho i know i dont owe strangers on the internet anything- im just repeating myself now but yknow

oh and for anyone curious: my current fandom is dmc <3

[bxngthedoldrums]

a petekey reading of so much (for) stardust

aka you knew i'd do this aka i didnt take four literature classes in college for nothing aka make sure your tinfoil hat is SECURED to your noggin aka dear lord forgive me for committing sins of petekey in the year of 2023

look. i have to do this or i don't deserve this blog. amen

~ love from the other side

okay. yea, immediately the "you were the sunshine of my lifetime" thing is sort of sus, because we all know pete wentz and anytime sun or summer is involved it's Something. this is solidified in "summer falling through our fingers again" in verse 2, but it's interesting that he uses "ours" in this lyric bc i feel like recently most of pete's summer lyrics have been pretty self-inflicted. it's impossible to not note the whole "inscribed like stone and faded by the rain" in the bridge v. "the tombstones were waiting" line in bang the doldrums. i shant even elaborate u can pick up what i'm laying down!

~ heartbreak feels so good

i think this song is pretty light on petekey imagery but "light from a screen of messages unsent" kinda reminds me of "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" in ginasfs but i could be reaching for Sure. let's be real that's all i do

~ hold me like a grudge

honestly i think this is one of the worst petekey offenders on the album. this one had me gawking at my screen as i read the lyrics. "thaw out my freezer burn feelings for twenty summers" ??? be SERIOUS pete... "part-time soulmate, full-time problem" yeah I GET IT I GET IT !!! the whole thing reeks of 2005 summertime fling

~ fake out

"do you laugh about me whenever i leave?" bonkers ass line,,this reminds me of pete's lj writing in those years after 2005,,,"my mood board is just pictures of you, but i'm not sad anymore" YEAH. this is SO pete holy fuck. that classic wentz obsession,,"we did for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change" this line's got me on the fuckin FLOOR. also classic pete!!! his perchance for nostalgia is just insane and he really feels it huh

~ heaven, iowa

i dont even know how to get into this one. "kiss my cheek, baby, please/would you read my eulogy?" SICK and TWISTED evil!!! evil!!! "i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me" jesus h christ the melancholy is off the charts but holy fuck this song is so,,,tender? i dont know wht to say but i know this was written w summer of love intention. i know this in my heart. "scar-crossed lovers, forever" OKAY I KNOW !!! this song is DEVASTATING verse 2 is fucked UP and the bridge is too!!! "closed my eyes inside your darkness and found your glow"???? i cantr og on

~ so good right now

i can't really discern any particularly petekey lyrics in this one right away but the whole "i cut myself down to be whatever you need me to be" is pretty fucking wild

~ i am my own muse

there's some really sad lyrics in this one ab the whole future-not-going-as-planned thing that comes up so frequently in pete's writing but honestly the whole "let's twist the knife again, twist the knife again like we did last summer" thing made my head explode. every lover's got a lil dagger in their hands!!!

~ flu game

im not gonna sit here and type out ths whole fucking song but oh my GOD bro. this song to me is a really nice callback to pete's older style of lyricism but that comes with the self-deprecation and all the other really sad shit. it's beautiful! it's horrible! i love it!!! its about mikey i cant even pul out a few lyrics just LISTEN

~ baby annihilation

another fucked up one that literally anyone else in fob should have vetoed but OKAY?? "time is luck and i wish ours overlapped more or for longer" MAN SHUT UP. "self sabotage at best, under your spell/but you know what they say, if you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself" ..........dude. if you're like me and you've poured over pete's oooold lj posts from the mid 2000s you already get it, but if you havent,,,go do it and get back to me bc this is TOO MUHC im unwell. "what is there between us if not a little annihilation?" i think i hauve covid

~ the kintsugi kid (ten years)

this song is really fucking sad actually. there's so much fear of being forgotten on this album and it's showcased really beautifully in this song,,,mayhaps not the most obviously petekey song but god damn

~ what a time to be alive

this song's about covid and quarantine n it's pretty easy on the whole suffering from a fling in 2005 thing! good job pete and fob

~ so much (for) stardust

this song is kinda suspicious but there's very few lines that really solidify it as a petekey song,,, altho "i think i've been going through it, and ive been putting your name through it" is a really interesting lyric. and OF COURSE, "in another life, you were my babe/in another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime" happy xmas war is over

[dykephan]

hi, totally agree with you about the december getting together thing and just wanted to add on to a few points. One about online perceptions and stuff is they mightve both wanted to have this appearance of a cool, sexy, mysterious, emo guy on the internet who is "mature" and has casual sex all the time nbd lol and not wanting to seem clingy. Its kind of embarrasing to want more sometimes (its cheesy, its meant to be). For Dan I also dont think he would want Phil to see him as an obsessed fan (also the age thing) so putting up a nonchalant front would help put them on more even footing. For Phil its just like you already said mainly and not wanting to scare Dan off, following Dan's lead. Also Dan just getting out of a longterm relationship and being 18 he might not have been inclined to tie himself down quick when he was single for the first time in a bit, especially to someone who lives far away, but then obv realized this thing with Phil wasnt just going to be some casual fling. Also lol this "reveal" was not weird/ suprising to me bcos of my own experience of being with this girl for like 3 ish months had been friends previously we were having sex and saying we loved eachother etc but whole time being like we're not dating though lol

oh 100% agree, especially when you're at that age it's sooo embarrassing to admit you do want to find someone who cares about you and enriches your life and shares a future with you... it's so much easier to flirt with strangers online and pretend you're too cool to feel any particular way about it. like you said, i think it comes down to both of them realizing that this was not going to be some casual fling. and 2 months is honestly no time at all considering how much they had to think about & plan for!!

also yeah i agree it wasn't surprising to me it was more just like. first of all like holy shit why are you sharing this information with me unprompted are you sure you meant to say that?? second of all, i guess i didn't KNOW until i KNEW. it's one thing to look at the things they posted around that time period and make guesses, but hearing it out loud made me feel sooooo dumbfounded. idk why but that one hit me way harder than the tour bus thing...

anyway let me share a personal anecdote here because it's only fair after i've invaded their privacy i should embarrass myself a little fksjfks many years ago i started talking to a tumblr mutual and we got super close as friends, we spent literally hours talking every night and we'd even fall asleep on skype just to be with each other. i told her things i have still never told anyone else in my life. and ofc there was heavyy flirting which was fun except i have horrible commitment issues.. doing all this online didn't feel as scary and real to me. but then we made plans to actually travel and meet up, and i started getting. idk. itchy 😭 but i did go across the country to meet her and it was such a perfect weekend, she was so funny and beautiful and even more magnetic in person. it clarified my feelings about her in a way that chatting online never could, but also it scared the shit out of me and so when that weekend was over i went back home and i told her i couldn't do it anymore and that was it. we tried to be friends after that but it just wasn't the same and neither of us had our hearts in it. i still think about her and hope she's doing well but we haven't talked in years

so basically i'm living in the dark dan and phil timeline where they filmed pinof and then said okay bye dude 👍🏻 fuck my stupid baka life

[eisforeidolon]

https://at.tumblr.com/eisforeidolon/i-dont-understand-the-reason-of-jareds-fans-to/rwjk3tut446w

The issue with people upset by the prequel is that it’s basically a wound that keeps getting picked at every time another OG Cast member joins the show and Jared is still not there. I have to be honest, I don’t like Jensen as quite as much as I did before the prequel situation, BUT I still enjoy seeing him in stuff. Honestly, I don’t see how the finale made the situation any worse. No one truly thought Jared would be in it. Sam was the reason for Dean turning up again at the end. It could have been worse. I think people are allowed to be upset about the show, but Jensen didn’t newly kick their puppies.

I get that to some it feels like a slap or a throw away line about Sam, but it would have been worse if he wasn’t mentioned at all. Jensen could have asked Jared to make a cameo and maybe he said no. I don’t really think that happened, but I can’t, and don’t want to, waste any more energy being upset by a show , or the behind the scenes of a show, when I’ll never be able to know the full true story anyway.

I think Jensen truly has made a mistake in how he handled the not-really-a prequel, and I don’t think he came off looking great from a personal or professional POV. But, he’s also gotten more visibility with The Boys and an ABC show. So, it’s not like he’s destitute now or something. I don’t think he’s in any danger of not working.

People have lost the art of seeing nuance in people and situations. It’s all black and white. Jared is a monster. Jensen is the devil. Jared is my sweet meow meow. Jensen is perfect. Most people aren’t all good or all bad, and sometimes they can do crappy things while still being a decent person at their core.

Can people just chill the F out?

I wish, but I don't expect it to happen.

I have no interest in defending the prequel generally, not least because I don't understand basically ... any ... of the decisions made in doing it. Like my reaction to nearly all of it has been, "But why, though?". So someone not liking Jensen anymore or liking him less than before over it? Eh, fair enough.

However, still going on about how Jensen is an evil backstabber trying to "erase" Sam literal years later when he sorted it out with Jared in a day is just ... something else. Including acting offended all anew because there really wasn't - IMO - an obviously better way to bring Sam into that finale without a Jared appearance he may not have wanted or been able to do for any number of reasons. As much as certain Jensen stans and hellers are trying to deny it, the underlying motivation for Dean was explicitly said to be protecting Sam. Like I see no real difference between acting like it's some pointed insult Dean went on an adventure without Sam and acting like it was some pointed insult Sam lived longer than Dean in the finale.

Likewise trying to insist all Jensen's other projects are laughable failures and he's clearly desperate for work because ... obviously nobody would choose to do more than one thing after doing the same show for 15 years! There are plenty of other actors both more and less successful than Jared and Jensen, so the obsession with continuing to pit them against each other when they clearly aren't following the same path anymore is just ... silly stan bullshit.

Yes, being the lead of a weekly show and an EP of that show and another is impressive on any network. Yes, The Boys is a buzzy streaming show and even a supporting role on ABC means new audience and networking opportunities. Sneering at either is ridiculous. Both of these guys could probably retire tomorrow if they wanted off SPN money, but lucky for us? They're still creating things for their fans to enjoy - but for stans, that's not good enough. One of them has to be crushing the other because their not!fave is an unforgivable terrible horrible no good very bad person that will get his just desserts if they just talk enough shit. 🙄

[luetta]

i'm going back to what 16 year old me used to do in full swing i think. type to myself on dead forums. wanna know a story about me? i used to post on that nazi reddit alternative website voat. for years. not anything political, i just made a subreddit that was my username and made posts everyday about how obsessed i was about a girl called rebekah in the grade above me. i never talked to her a single time in my life. she was just pretty. hundreds of posts. eventually randoms on the website found my posts through the new section and started commenting how creepy i was. and then i guess i referred to myself as a waitress and they started thinking i was a girl who had a lesbian crush. of course i did nothing to disavow that notion. and then when i was with my friend finlay in class, i was on a school provided laptop, seeing what the suggested autocomplete web searches for a, b, c, etc were. and when i looked up 'v' it came up with 'voat [my username]. i guess on this laptop sometime before i had searched it up. i begged him not to look it up and deleted it all the moment i got home but he just went on internet archive and essentially held this blackmail over my head for about 3 months. at the end of high school finlay wasnt popualr in our group (there was always someone who was the cyberbullied person of the day in our group.) and i honestly did a fucking asshole thing. i always say that i was nice and just a victim of this mean group but i did this thing, which completely undoes all that. there was a barbeque for the entire grade on a saturday, school organised but essentually our own thing. in the discord finlay was wondering whether to come, lots of us were there already. i said that there was barely anyone here lol. and that was a complete lie. i lied and made him miss this event for no reason other than to dogpile on him. that night everyone was fighting and i chimed in and he told everyone about my voat account and also about how we had accidentally discovered each other in a league of legends erotic roleplay discord server. so yeah that was fun. i refused to talk to him for like 2 years lol. anyways. the point of this is to say. that im gonna start doing that again i think. post a bunch of stream of consciousness text posts of angst and self loathing and envy and hatred. cus i feel like shit and that's my self harm. im too much of a pussy to do anything else when i feel like shit. i just sit on the computer and make myself feel worse. this can be my self therapy. getting my thoughts out instead of letting them fester inside my brain forever. i can't be fucked going to therapy properly. it doesnt help cus idk how to articulate anything properly. ill get asked whats wrong and ill be like. i dont know. and honestly thats barely a lie. i dont fucking know whats wrong with me. i know that there is something wrong with me, but i dont know the reason why ive turned out like this. im just a fucking weirdo i think. i literally thought that i wasnt a creep anymore after transitioning, that i figured it out. but nope. im still a fucking creep, thinking about girls that i know, obsessing about them. urgh. i feel like. i've fucked my transition up. i fucked up the choices that i didn't know were choices and now im someone i don't want to be. i just want to be someone else but thats not possible because the person that i am, currently, isn't someone that can be someone else. i know that you can just change who you are ! you can do new things and stop doing old things. you can be someone else. but i just cant. i try but i just always circle back to this. uninteresting blob of a person. who does nothing except sit in their room and wish they were someone else. an uninteresting blob of envy. that's all i am and will ever be, i feel. and that sucks. i dont want to be that, but there's nothing else i can do about that. im too uninteresting and unadventurous and afraid to reach out and form connections to people that i wanna. cus thats how you change as a person. by being with other people. you slowly give each other parts of yourself

[eirian]

i think a lot about how much ive grown and changed as a person, not the least of which being how i went from a super heavy kinnie to someone who hardly kins at all

my journey with kinning was like...idk. it started with learning about what otherkin was, and i realized that damn i have a super strong connection with demons for some reason, and i genuinely wished i was an actual demon. this was in 2013 ish. that was my first time calling myself a kinnie

then my first experience with fictionkin specifically was with...unfortunately, prussia from hetalia lol. that was my first fictionkin. then shit got out of control from there bc then i proceeded to keep tacking on fictional characters onto my identity until they BECAME my identity.

i became a kinnie at a very interesting and formative part of my life--the mid-teen years. and honestly? i dont think it was the healthiest thing for my growth. b/c my identity sort of became...nonexistent for a while? i based my whole self around fictional characters. i didnt want to be myself because i didnt know who "myself" was. and unfortunately this lasted into my...well, mid-20s. im 26 now and it took me until i was ABOUT 24 to actually find my real core identity outside of fictional characters to the point of where i was proud and happy to know myself and call myself just...dan. thats me! im not dan plus fu, kidou, raditz, etc....im just dan. and thats enough!

so for me, being a kinnie was a result of not knowing who i was and using fictional characters to sort of fill in that hole in my identity. i wanted to be them b/c i didnt know who myself was, or maybe i didnt like who i was either and wanted to replace myself with them. i loved fu and lots of other ppl did, so i wanted to be him so i could be loved like that. i wanted to be funny like him. i wanted to be strong like raditz. i wanted to be smart and athletic like kidou. i wanted to be cool like dan phantom. i wanted to be anything but the real me and that hampered my growth as a person for a very, very long time

it took me a long while to reach the point im at right now--where im confident in my identity and dont need to use fictional characters as a crutch. and im not necessarily saying being fictionkin is inherently bad--it can be fun or even used to cope with situations such as trauma, i understand that--but when it came to me and my own situation, i excused it as being a "spiritual" thing and sort of clung to the idea that i was "soul-connected" to fictional characters who existed in another universe at the same time as me...which in retrospect was kind of a reach lol. but like. idk. it ended up not being spiritual at all even though i convinced myself it was. it was due to identity issues and, to an extent, actual real delusions--i genuinely thought that i HAD to uncover and piece together my "canon" lives to the point of obsession. it was super unhealthy for me and brought me so much unnecessary stress, everyone around me could see it too.

so uh. what am i tryna conclude here. i guess like. be careful? if youre a fictionkinnie, especially a young one, please take the time to do some introspection. is it just for fun? is it a lighthearted thing? or are you so intensely deep into it that its a huge part of your identity to the point of where you lost your actual self? to the point of having breakdowns over doubles? can you function in life without the kin part?

for the record, i still consider myself generally otherkin--i do still heavily identify with demons and have dreams of being a demon and all that good kin stuff. but its not who i am. i have a list of fictional characters i kin still--hidden and not advertised anymore--but its at the back of my mind now and is more of a casual "oh yeah im raditz haha" kind of thing if that makes sense? its not affecting my life as much as it did anymore and im happy about that

i hope nobody takes this personally lol. im just basically airing my thoughts about my own kin journey out and sharing my experience and thoughts abt the thing as a whole. end text post

[isidooore]

i enjoy writing miya atsumu so much. here i comment little snippets of the atsumu-cat-dad fanfic (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53410972) i wrote because i’m incapable of keeping my opinions to myself!

the twins’ accusing fingers always point towards each other. it’s an universal truth. and i love them for it honestly. they influence everyone around them in some way or another hence this. They Are Brothers. i don’t even know what to say i just wanted to mention that miyabaachan easily believes osamu could break havoc in her garden. he’s so silly and whimsical

maybe i just adore the miya family in general. baachan is the mum of five children and she names everyone and everything because she loves so very deeply. it’s some sort of tradition and the fact that it is canon makes me so happy

atsumu being a Loser with a capital L as always! his most embarrassing memories hunt him every day! he is a fanboy to his core he just want to obsess over someone who’s obsessed with atsumu too

special mention of hirugami sachirou the Veterinarian. Hirugami I Know What You Are (Gay for Hoshiumi)

it’s a shame they never interacted in the manga. i took the matter in my own hands

probably the best thing i’ve ever written i’m very proud of this one. i like writing in second person POV it makes everything feel harder and realer. i love the miya twins did you notice

atsumu is love itself it drives me utterly insane. fake ass “I Don’t Need The Memories” believer i see you reminiscing anything dear to you at every given opportunity

the Lore behind this. God. atsumu signs right away with MSBY in timeskip but i dont think he is a starter initially? for the character development and all that. so he is mentored— rather unwillingly — by the first string setter of the time. they kind of hate each other and they kind of don’t. i am sure that he helps atsumu grow up a lot though. when the Mentor retires, Atsumu has been the starter setter for a few months now. however its hits him all the same. in the scene, the Mentor gives atsumu a trophy gifted to him by the team. i wanted to give this passage-of-the-torch some meaning: there is no setter without a team. atsumu cannot act as if he doesn’t care about the team. not anymore at least

MIYA OSAMU I WANT TO PUT YOU IN A BLENDER

the moment of the oh-so-longed understanding. and suddenly they are the Miya Twins again

[hyperfixated-homo]

its almost midnight so you know what that means! random thoughts while i unconsciously panick over how tired i’m going to be tomorrow when i have to wake up at six again :D

today im thinking about love languages. more specifically, unconventional love languages that i hc the sides do! from the same people (complete lie but just roll with it) who brought you remus biting people to show affection, we bring you

virgil likes to pat/slap people. just. pat on the head. slap on the face (gently,,,must hit affectionately)

roman loves all love languages, but only in specific contexts. quality time, as long as he is fully aware of how much the other is enjoying it as well as he is (silent quality time is a big nono). physical touch BUT ONLY SOMETIMES!!! and sometimes, ONLY PHYSICAL TOUCH IF YOU DO NOT HUG HIM RIGHT NOW HE WILL CRY

janus squeezes. squeezy hugs. squeezy hand holding. sometimes its feels like hes trying to literally squeeze the life out of you (hes not, but he doesnt really understand his own strength)

is it possible for someone to be touch adverse but also touch starved. because that is logan and roman. ask them rn if they need a hug. god knows they wont tell you themselves-

patton is so gifts of service its like. stupid. nothing even belongs to him anymore. he has no concept of personal belonging. everything that is his is also everyone elses. must,,, gib everything,,,

janus, remus and virgil also headbutt people. just to check up on them. they dont rlly do like, words of affirmation or quality time. they communicate purely on physical touch and gifts sometimes. sometimes they engage in friendly headbutting battles

remus needs to spend all his time with the people he likes. all of it. just be with them all the time. even if its just pure silence, he needs to know somebody is there or else he will explode

oh also they have specific things for different people!!! like remus spends most of his time w/logan bc he’s the only other one who also needs to be around people a lot!! must of the time logan needs it to be quiet, but he still wants someone in the room

vi nd pat exchange many gifts. it started with the cards and now they make each other a bunch of handmade stuff too!!! like patton whittles figurines for virge and virge sews pat stuffed animals.

similarly, janus and patton exchange food. all types. just. gib meal. ily

honestly patton is the only one who rlly tells ppl that he loves them. nobody else rlly likes to say it out loud. it means so much when they do say it tho

virgil and roman obvs do the opposite of words of affirmation. they tell each other that they hate each other so that they know that they love each other.

the reason that logan and roman argue a lot is bc they don’t share love languages rlly. they have like, opposite cycles for needing/hating touch, which leads to some hurt feelings when one of them gets denied. they remedy this by spending at least one full day a week hanging out and doin things together

remus and virgil fight. so often. they wrestle a lot. it means that they’re having a good day

janus is very smoochy. did i mention that. did i mention that that one college projection au by haysgrove made me obsessed with that hc. yeah he’s a kissy boy. the others never really mind, they know it’s just a thing he does (nd he always asks first!!!)

[vryivs]

Shipper tag game

tagged by @tiesanjiaoshenanigans <33

What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care about anymore?

oh god i dont even know. probably any silm ship i liked since i just outgrew that part of my life organically and also dennor probably?

Which ship would you consider your first one?

percabeth easily

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

it was dennor hetalia

Do you remember the first couple you saw fanart of?

most likely percabeth since i got tumblr literally just to follow viria for the art

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

yes i was 13 and i didnt like fruk. i made an apology drawing that said 'im sorry fruk shippers' on a sign being held up by a sad girl. i was 13. since then? not really. i dont tend to have the time or energy to actively argue with people i disagree with. to me theres no point + it doesnt matter

Did you use to have any NOTP or have one currently?

im opinionated so absolutely!! didnt like hk/iceland (hetalia) or fruk (hetalia again lol). didnt like yuri/otabek (yoi), most byleth/student ships (femblem), jeanluc (when i was into genshin). currently dont like renheng (it's just not my thing), jing yuan/fu xuan (also not my thing) or dan heng/anyone tbh (although i make exceptions for tb). i dont have any massive reasons for disliking them theyre just either not my thing or dont align with my hcs (shrug)

any jing yuan/hcq feels vaguely icky to me because they knew him as a teenager while they were adults (aside from yingxing since his age is more ambiguous and it seems like he mightve grown up at the same time jy did?)

Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read?

brb checking my ao3 history

oh my god is was a fucking dddne dabi/hawks fic i found when i was looking through trans tags. i havent read or watched mha it just sounded interesting. i liked it and its here if you want to read it (mind the tags)

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

weirdly no massive ones for hsr which is my main fandom. i have ships i like tho!! kafblade, stellemarch and bronseele. also i think clara/yanqing is adorable in concept. arranging playdates between my daughter and jing yuans son. i also think voidwelt would be really interesting

Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

not rlly!! i tend not to care too much about canon when it comes to shipping, so i hardly even pay it attention

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

not rlly!! if there is i cant remember them

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would've been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

any rpf ship tbh. i honestly think rpf is fine as long as you dont project its contents onto the very real people it's based off of.

What is your favorite crack ship?

velite/argenti

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

i dont read fanfic v often (combination of bad attention span, really specific tastes, etc) but when i do its usually sansang, seongjoong, or whatever ship fic @tiesanjiaoshenanigans or @kireinalix ask me to beta are hehe

What do most of your ships usually have in common?

this is a good question and i dont really know the answer. my taste tends to favour characters who make a good parental unit (seongjoong, jingliu/baiheng), but i also enjoy the dynamics of amoral pairs (kafblade), as well as goofy lesbians having a good time (stellemarch)

What you absolutely hate in a ship?

if its boring tbh. if something feels boring or overdone im p much guaranteed not to like it. like jeanluc? theyre just boring to me. i also really dont enjoy the 'i knew you when you were a kid and then you grew up hot and now we're dating' thing

tagging @himbodevotee @morifiinwe @shineoftherainbow @kireinalix @aowyn and anyone else who follows me :3

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

WHY WOULD YOUR PROF GHOST YOU LMFAO ??????

your analysis of harry potter houses and jk rowling's lazy writing is actually so spot on......thank you for explaining that because that genuinely makes sm sense 😭😭 (okay do you want any snacks cuz my popcorn walls aren't all that yummy)

WHAT THE FUCK...O2O SOUNDS LIKE A FIRE WONWOO FF THO ICL....ill watch it rn tho!! what site(s) is it on? dont say netflix because i just got hit with the 'you're not in the same household' thing and i'm broken 😔😔😔

YEAH I DONT LIKE HIM ANYMORE....honestly ive thought it over and he's not worth allat. 'you think you the shit? you aint even the fart' type vibes LMFAOAOOA

omg wtf. why did he pout at you. banish sub men.

OMG THAT'S AWESOME THO! COSPLAYS OF ANY CALIBER AND BUDGET ARE STILL VALID SO IT'S COOL...AND ALSO YEAH I REALLY LIKED FNAF (because of my pookie josh) BUT THE STORY WASN'T BAD...

i also think i used the wrong anon emoji on accident... so um

-from the RIGHT 🫨 anon

TO BE FAIR I WAS A PRETTY BAD STUDENT I WOULD HAVE GHOSTED ME TOO BUT WAY SOONER

I actually really enjoy popcorn walls and asbestos but if you had any like off-brand doritos i would eat that shit up

WONWOO FANFIC IM CRYING WHY ARE YOU ACTUALLY RIGHT it was on netflix but now it’s just on viki

YEAH FUCK HIM FUCK MEN i hope you find someone MUCH better to dominate you in all of your bratty degradee sub glory 🥰

It was because he was leaving for japan for a week and i was leaving so he wasn’t gonna see me for a week like yeahhh i get it. I’m beautiful, amazing, smart, funny. I TOO am obsessed with me and it’s so hot when i also give you half of my attention because i know you like me and i don’t want to reciprocate that feeling but that’s even hotter because like what if you win me over blah blah blah BUT COME ON, let’s be so for real

But also tbh TBH i’m a hypocrite cause if a guy i LIKED pouted to me i would be on my knees sucking his dick you know

DID YOU USE THE WRONG EMOJI IM NOT GONNA LIE SOMETIMES I GET CONFUSED

[0-cal-princess]

I think my friend is cutting me off cuz she found out about my eating this order so I'm gonna complain and moan about it 🍓

So basically you wanna cut me off after nearly 4 years of friendship because I got a little too silly and developed an ed??? Even after everything we been thru together??? Girl what the fuck. I never fucking judged you for the dumb ass shit you do even when I knew you were 100% in the wrong. You have no fucking right getting on your high horse calling me sick, saying I need help and that I'm doing something wrong when you partake in equally self-destructive behaviors, what the fuck??? I literally was there for you when your life was falling apart (which was 100% preventable if you just stayed put and did things the right way like i fucking told you but oh well), drying your tears and holding your hand because i love you and i care for you no matter what you did so it really fucking hurts me to see you ghosting and avoiding, and treating me all dry. I understand it was my fault for being honest and transparent with you about my issues but you're literally my best friend??? Like i've never opened up to anyone like I have with you, that's why i felt comfortable telling you about my bulim1a. i never expected you to react the way you're reacting and it honestly really fucking hurts my feelings. Ik you're going thru a lot but if you dont like me anymore you can just use your big girl voice and fucking say it to my face instead of ghosting me and treating me badly. we are fucking adults so why dont you act like one???? I never fucking offended you, or body shamed you, or said anything about your weight so why are you telling ME im losing too fast and obsessing over it??? you could have just kept your mouth shut and let it go like I do every time you talk to me about some dumb ass shit you do. anyways your fucking loss i guess, thanks for being my friend and im sorry we broke it off this way i hope nothing but the best for you and i really hope you work on your issues, i will strive to do the same

my friend confronted me about my ed and then ghosted me after telling her it wasn't that deep. I feel like a fool for spamming her phone trying to get a response out of her. ig i'll wait another day then i will text her the classic "did i do something wrong :(" typa shit. i just wanted to vent cuz i cant get it out of my head. it bothers me so fucking much like sis what the fuck since when are you the moral authority??? but anyways

I broke my purge-free streak yesterday and it wasn't fun. I couldn't even purge it all cuz it got to the point where i gave myself a horrible headache so i just let it be. I think i will go over my cal limit today as well so yay aint it fun?? I feel like somebody beat the shit out of me, i still have a pounding headache, my chest feels like somebody punched the shit out of it, i have no energy and my throat is fucked. Im also very dumb so i weighed myself and got spooked so I took some laxs as if my life is not miserable enough yaay for me. Never purging again in my fucking life (that's a lie). anyways thanks if you read it all, stay skinny ladies <3

[garbobezo]

I still struggle because I don't want to make you feel unwanted. I don't want to make you feel how you made me feel. I'm that empathetic, but I'm starting to learn to accept the endings in my life.

There's no reason for us to stay in contact. You were never my friend. I loved you. I saw something in you that now I just don't see. Perhaps I've awakened to the truth of who you really are. And a part of me is sorry because I swore I'd love you regardless. I swore that you could take off the mask and that I'd still love you.

But not only is that not the case. I created a monster, and now I'm scared of you. Or perhaps the betrayal was so deep that I just can't look at you the same. You still know the address of my heart. You still pass by it on your way to work. You know the number to my soul, and you call late at night. I'm afraid to say no because I know what it feels like to have your dreams crushed.

But I'm not your dream, am I. I don't know what I am to you, but I know I'm not your person. You love being loved. And I loved the way I loved you, I swear I fell in love with my own obsession. With my with love. And that's okay because now I know my place and it's far, far away. I don't even think "one day you'll wake up and realize" anymore because that's still hoping that you'll see me.

I'm no longer trying to sell myself a dream, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't either.

I see you for what u are, incapable of seeing me. You're not the one for me because the one would have chosen me in a heartbeat. And honestly, that's okay. You don't need to be the one. I apologize for over extending my place and your role in your and my life.

I accept that now completely and openly with all my heart. Because it's clear to me now that I made you up in my head. I don't know why I chose you of all people to fantasize, but I did. And now the party is over. Now it's time to go home. You made your choice the door closed. You're stuck. There's no way out now.

Everything is already said and done, and no matter how hard I tried, it's not the same as it was.

I'm sorry. You made your choice and now you gotta live with it.

If I'm being completely honest, it is not even a matter of being engaged or having a girlfriend.

If you ended things tomorrow, that would change nothing because I can't trust you or a word you say. Your word means nothing. Your actions hold no value. I dont know who you are.

You've tainted your character/image, and I can't fix it. I can't unsee it. When we make love, now it feels like im fucking a stanger. You wore the mask for so long that it became you. And now even the slightest effort to make emends or be truthful means nothing to me. Because you're not true. You're not authentic. You're not raw.

I'm a good person with good morals, and you even brought me down to your level. But at the time, I didn't care. I was doing it all in the name of love. But where is the love? There's no love here. There's a whole lot of manipulation but not love.

I hate that I still have a soft spot in my heart for you because it's that soft spot that's writing this explanation to you. Because I don't want to leave you without closure. I don't want to leave you without an explanation. I don't want to do you how you did me. I don't want to front and pretend I have feelings for you to spare your feelings. I'd much rather be real and give you the common courtesy to tell you the truth which you never gave me. Which is we missed our time. Maybe in another life. You're none of my concern anymore. I wish you all the best.