#and i just don’t feel like abandoning my blog forever anyway so

[fallenvampyra]

omg it’s been a while uh

[erenoir]

𝐟𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮

💿 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚏𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚣𝚣𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛

genre: single father!toji, slow burn, angst then fluff, nsfw, MDNI

warnings: 18+ dark content, alcoholism, breeding kink, daddy/mommy titles used, unprotected sex, oral sex, verbal fighting, discussions of abandonment, initial toxic relationship, light gun use.

featuring: toji x fem step-mom!reader

summary: you and toji had met each other at your worst, twin flames fueling each other’s bad habits. you spent weeks upon weeks as on-and-off fuck buddies, manipulating and using each other before throwing one another to the curb again. nothing could save the turbulent relationship of a touch-deprived woman and a man afraid of love, never daring to wave your white flags to one another… until the night toji dropped a bomb that would make or break the two of you forever. | find it on ao3: [☆]

word count: 14.9k

a/n: tell jesus that the bitch is back- i’m kidding! no but really, its been a long year (or more?) of me being away from this blog. i haven't done this in a while, but i have too many delusions and thoughts to not make them into stories, i missed writing too much. anyways, if you like this: reblog, comment, check out my other stuff, etc! luv u xx send toji thirsts in honor of szn 2

“Okay now Megs, daddy and I will be back tomorrow morning, okay?” 

Your knees pressed into the cold floor as your fingers tangled themselves in your stepson’s wild, raven locks. The little boy stuck his bottom lip out in protest, your heart swelling at the sight of it. Your thumb met his velvety skin as you stopped a tear from rolling any further down his rouged cheek. 

“I don’t want you and daddy to go!” He wailed, a tiny voice strained with big emotions. The glum boy ran into your open arms, clinging to you like velcro. The creamy silk of your blazer swept across the nape of his neck as you enveloped him into a cozy embrace.

“Oh Megumi, you’ll be alright! Your father and I will just be away for the night. Then tomorrow… I can make you all the pancakes in the world for dinner!” His eyebrows knit together and his rosy nose scrunched up as you shook his face in your hands. Little Megumi's messy, toothless grin punctured your heart so deeply. You adored the boy endlessly, even if he wasn’t your son by blood, a connection so spirited manifested itself between the two of you. 

“Really mommy?! Do you really mean all of the pancakes in the world?” You let a gentle fingertip feather itself across the tip of Megumi’s nose as you rose to your feet to ruffle the boy’s hair, “Of course I mean it baby! Daddy will do whatever it takes to get you every last drop of pancake batter in the whole, wide, world… isn’t that right, honey?”

You shifted your weight to your left foot to get a good look at Toji, Megumi’s father. He planted himself in his usual crushed velvet armchair that rested in front of the fireplace, thighs sprawled out across the plush cushion. His cheek sunk into the palm of his hand as he ogled at his precious family. 

All mine, Toji thought, all fucking mine. 

The brooding man sauntered up to you two with ardency, his husky arms snaking around your waist, pulling your backside into his chest and placing a wet kiss to the crook of your neck. Toji rested his hand atop of Megumi’s hair, nearly drowning your little one’s head with its size. You gazed on dotingly as your lover’s biceps contracted when he picked up your son, cooing him into a comfortable silence. The fireplace illuminated the quaint living space an intimate shade of orange, fractals of light bouncing off of the most hidden corners of the room. The shadow of your lover danced across the walls as he rocked the raven-haired child to sleep. You massaged red fingernails into his burly shoulders, feeling the fabric of his black t-shirt ripple between your fingertips.

“We’re so lucky, aren’t we?” You purred into Toji’s neck as you two caressed the light of your lives, sound asleep in his arms. Toji peered over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of you, watching your maternal instincts consume your body as you outstretched your soft hands to the boy. Something within Toji burst in that moment, seeing his lover care for his child as if he were her own. 

“Let me take him to bed, my love.” Dark eyes trailed your steps attentively, watching your hips sway as you cradled his son in your nimble arms, your tender hand nurturing the back of his head, holding it tightly to your chest. His pupils dilated when you started whispering lullabies into Megumi’s ear. A  series of “Mommy loves you,” and “I’ve got you my baby,” made Toji’s jaw clench and every part of him swell with adoration.

—

You once arrived in Toji’s life as a fiery little creature. Wild, uncaring, and foaming at the mouth for attention. He didn’t see you as anything other than a friend with benefits. It was a fair exchange, Toji satiated your need for unhealthy attention as a girl disowned by her distant parents, and you satiated his need for a little rag doll as a hitman with a severe lack of emotional intelligence. He needed a woman that would do most anything to please him and receive the gratification she so desperately craved in return. Room 4C, that was the room you two would run away to every weekend. 

It was a malignant relationship you had, you were unabashedly toxic to one another. Toji would show up drunk on most occasions, and you would allow him to do whatever he wanted to your feeble little body and enjoy every second of it. You would fight just to see who could scream louder, until the misty light from the sun rising sliced through the cracks of the thick curtains. The old motel would’ve kicked you two out if it weren’t for how much business you brought them. Your eyes stung with crazed tears, both of pleasure and pain, and Toji was the one that induced them every time. Every smack to the cheek was met with a tender kiss, and every “I hate you,” was met with a chorus of apologies. You loved each other in wicked ways, but you loved each other nonetheless. You pushed as Toji pulled, never could either of you find a moment of peace to let your fragile emotions rest.

That was until one night where you asked Toji to meet you in your usual room, at your usual time, 8 p.m. Only that night had you two finally waved your white flags and extinguished your venomous behavior to one another.

—

Your toes were painted a wine red as they ran through the fuzzy carpet below you, feet swinging over the twin-sized motel bed. Rain rushed the windows with fervor, the storm warning you had received this morning not clicking in your brain until that very moment. The muffled voices of the news anchors suffocated your eardrums as they grew louder. The silence in the room was painstaking and you didn’t know how much longer you could last solely listening to the rhythmic drips of the leaking bathroom sink. Your eyelids began to droop as the neon leds of the plastic alarm clock flicked from 8:59 to 9:00. The stiff sheets felt like royal silk at that moment, sleep threatening to consume your body. The room around you shut on and off, eyelids blinking slowly, and your mouth dipping into the slightest “o” shape. the cotton of your t-shirt rode up your thighs as you slid yourself under the covers. Toji isn’t coming tonight, truthfully, the thought grazed your mind when it had only been ten minutes after 8, Toji was never any more tardy than that. But as you watched the clock now switch from 9:04 to 9:05, the hint of betrayal that had felt like a pin prick before now felt like you’d just been gutted. 

Your body was swallowed in the darkness of the motel room, though you did leave the news on, maybe the late night anchors could keep you company in your lover’s absence. In your dream you saw the dark eyes that taunted you into submission. How pathetic was it to dream about a man who couldn’t care less about you besides what you had underneath your underwear? In your dream you were running, your earthly body was riddled with cold sweats and shivering into oblivion, you heard pounding, it grew rapidly with every step you took, the beat of your heart staying in time, though the pounding felt too real to be fabricated through your imagination alone.

Then your body jolted awake to a vigorous gust of wind, and suddenly the banging became real, and whoever demanded that kind of attention from you at midnight was about to receive a pounding to their face. With your eyes cloudy and vision blurred, you tried to adjust to the dark blue of your surroundings. 

“Ah, shit!” The stark yellow light of the bedside lamp blinded you, a shaky hand rested on your forehead to act as a shield to the harsh, artificial rays. The comforter of the rigid bed you laid on grew wet, rainwater dripping from the dark figure that stood above your tired body. 

“T-Toji?” You stammered into the abyss, you had no courage to look up and see who had woken you up from your restless slumber. After all, you didn’t want the last thing you saw to be your murderer. 

“No, it’s Megumi,” your hand snapped to your side to see from whom such a soft voice was emitted. Above you stood a small boy with porcelain skin and raven hair, he couldn’t have been more than 6 years old.

My god, you thought, he looks just like-

“Toji is my dad, he said to wait in this room while he- while he got m-more of his happy juice… s-so he pushed me through th-that window a-and n-now my knee is bleeding!”

The young boy who tried to remain stoic eventually broke into a fit of relentless tears. He's a child, he’s a- he’s Toji’s… Toji has a child. Your brain went through the motions, trying to ride every wave of the ocean it was thrown into. 

Until one of those waves truly hit you- and you realized that there was a fucking child in your room.

And all of the sorrow you felt for the boy had turned into pure, unadulterated rage for his poor excuse of a father. 

You peeled yourself from the bed and tripped over the legs of your jeans as you tried to shrug them on while making your way to the door. Your hand stopped at the knob before turning to the kid. 

“Fuck… don’t go anywhere, okay kid?” You mumbled as you fished the pack of Marlboro's from the back pocket of your Levi’s and jammed one into your mouth, busting through the door and into the rainy parking lot… search frantically- ferally, for the one person you were dying to see most.

“Where the FUCK are you?! You asshole!” You screamed, voice cracking. “Show your fucking face you… you coward!” You were speechless, running to the middle of the parking lot, and scanning every dark car for someone hiding out- hiding from you. The rain sunk through your tank top, goosebumps pricking your skin, and then next you felt the tears. He was the last person you wanted to cry for, he didn’t deserve it, the fucker would probably enjoy it if you didn’t know him any better.

“Fuck you!” You seethed, bare feet taking you in circles around the flooded lot. “Fuck! You! I hate you!” The tears finally poked through, staining your cheeks with old mascara.

“You always do this shit Toji Fushiguro! I hope you’re fucking dead! You fucking deadbeat father!”

–

After twenty minutes of your parking lot charades, the motel manager had to nearly drag you back to your room- a freezing cold, screaming maniac. The boy- Megumi, was sitting next to you cross-legged on the bed with a patched up knee and an ice cream sandwich from the vending machine three rooms down. He hummed to the tune of the children’s show that played on the television, swaying back and forth in contentment. The fact that you were babysitting the child of the man that you were fuck buddies with amused you as you scoffed to yourself. 

“You know… your dad didn’t tell me had a kid,” the little boy’s attention remained fixed on the screen, ignoring you completely while his dark eyes memorized the flashes of color and cartoons in front of him. Hm, he really is Toji’s kid. 

“How's your knee, Megs?” Your fingers ran across the pink bandaid you’d stuck over his scrape, making sure the adhesive wasn’t lifting off of his damp skin. Vanilla filling seeped through Megumi’s tiny fingers. Chocolate crumbles littered his plump cheeks as he stuck the final bite of his ice cream sandwich in his mouth, stuffing his cheeks full. 

“My knee is fine!” He mumbled through a full mouth, patting his sticky palm over his wound. Your mind toyed with the idea of whether or not now was a good time to mention his father again, but knowing Toji, if you didn’t mention him he wouldn’t even bother coming back. So keeping the boy’s best interest at heart, you casually brought up his father’s name for a second time. 

“Megumi… can you tell me where your dad is?” You folded your hands in your lap as you awaited his response. Tears pricked at the boy’s gloomy eyes, a storm just as tumultuous was raging in him as it was outside. Messy palms wiped themselves across his white race car shirt, before they came up to wipe at his face.

“I-I told you… he s-said he was going to get more of his happy juice… he said to wait here with a lady named ___. Th-that’s what he said to do!”

Megumi’s quiet words turned into an erratic tantrum. Tears flooded his eyes as he snorted up a wad of snot, the race car on his shirt slowly starting to drive on wet roads. You were going to kill Toji. You didn’t give a crap about the way he treated you anymore, he had a child who was helpless. And god knows the child was helpless if the person Toji decided to leave him with was you. 

The docile boy leaned sweetly into your arms, begging for some form of comfort, it was evident that he’d never received any from his own father before. The sleeves of your sweater moved hesitantly to wrap themselves around Megumi’s shaking body, afraid that if you were to embrace him fully the dam that’s been holding back all of your emotions would suddenly break. It wasn’t your place to nurture this child, it wasn’t your place to offer him another outlet for parental guidance. But as you sat at the edge of the motel bed with the little boy, it felt as if you were sitting at the edge of a cliff, and you could either sink or swim with Megumi’s life in your hands. The moment you felt his frail arms hug you back, the dam fell, and you were in too deep to stop giving a fuck now. 

You brought a hand to his wild hair. It stuck up in all directions, he told you earlier that he stole some gel from his dad’s bathroom, and that Toji let him do it however he wanted to. You remember laughing at that, seemingly because it sounded like something Toji would say. Your cheek felt cool against the top of his head, his hair still drying from the torrential storm that brewed just outside the window. Every string inside of you that was holding your emotional state together at the seams had ripped in two as Megumi began to sob more violently than before. His red cheeks moved from right to left across your sweater, wiping snot, drool and tears all over you. With thoughts clouded and the slightest knowledge of how to take care of a child flying out the window, you began to panic. Toji had left his offspring, his flesh and blood, with you, his emotionally corrupted, immature, and attention deprived fuck buddy. 

Why?

With tender hands you tuck the covers under Megumi’s petite body. Your heart crumbled completely when you saw how the tears dried on Megumi’s cheeks, how his breathing was congested with mucus, and how his swollen eyes twitched in his sleep. He was having a nightmare. The bed dipped in as you sat beside him and ran fragile fingers over his forehead, sweeping his long hair out of his eyes. For the first time that night you let tears fall from your eyes, as you gazed at the broken child with an instinct to care for him, to help him grow, if Toji wasn’t going to be there to do it. You watched as Megumi’s body relaxed under your touch, his breathing smooth, and his eyebrows drooping. A small smile formed on your face, it was time to fake happiness for this boy, if it meant that he would be okay.

“He’s a g-good kid r-ight?” Your head snapped up as Toji’s overbearing body stumbled through the window, his hand desperately grasping for some kind of support from the wall. God, you really needed to lock that fucking window or god knows what other Fushiguro would trip through it. 

An animosity so intense boiled within you, clawing at your stomach, dying to be taken out on the drunken man stood in front of you. The tears returned to your eyes, his silhouette doubled as your vision blurred. 

“D-don’t you fucking come near me you asshole,” you whispered, there were no words in the world that could’ve described how badly you wanted to scream at Toji until his eardrums popped. Alas you couldn’t… you couldn’t let Megumi see his father like this. 

“Exc-use me but I'd l-like to see my-my son,” words slurred out of his wet lips, a line of saliva falling out of the corner of his mouth. 

“Toji… don’t even think for a second I’d let you near him,” your delicate hands pushed against his steel chest, helplessly punching into him to stop him in his tracks. His strong hands wrapped themselves around your wrists tightly as he looked you in the eyes with an intoxicated heat. 

“Toji… why? Why wouldn’t you tell me you had a fucking child? Is this who you ran away from every weekend we spent together?” Your hand shakily pointed to little Megumi’s sleeping body, “Do you understand how fucked up that makes me feel? How fucked up that makes you? God! I knew you were a piece of shit but Toji… this is rich, this is- this is the icing on the fucking cake… you disgust me!” You whispered as Toji’s hands repositioned themselves to cup your cheeks, his calloused thumbs coming to wipe the lines of mascara running down your face. Although blank and empty, his stare alone spoke a thousand words.

It told you that he was broken, that he was filled to the brink with regret, that he hated- no, absolutely loathed himself. Toji knew he was a piece of shit, he knew he was wrong for hiding his son from you, and he knew he was wrong for hiding you from his son. He had lasted long enough pushing everything under a compact rug until it couldn’t hold much more, and now every fucked up thing in his life was catching up to him, and you were watching it happen right in this depressing, wet, and cramped motel room.

“I-I didn’t know wh-where else to bring him, I-I mean look at me I can’t be with him right now…” Toji fell to his knees and gripped your calves with his hands, crying into the damp denim of your jeans. You stood stiff, frozen in place and in disbelief at what was happening. The brazen man that you knew so well, that dripped with confidence, with ego, with a sense of security, had shattered completely. Toji’s back muscles contracted as he dry heaved onto the floor, the contents of his stomach just missing your feet. He looked up at you with an empty expression. Snot was dripping out of his nose, his jaw was trembling and his face was littered with tears and red splotches.

“Toji-” You reached for him.

“No… please hear m- me out…”

“I'll listen to you… outside…” You fired, “I’m not- I refuse to do this here when your son is sleeping right there!” You hoisted his body up off the floor as the two of you staggered into the storm. He leaned his body up against the door to 4C as you closed it, boring holes into your head, desperate for you to say anything. You wrapped your sweater around you tighter as rain propelled towards your shivering bodies. You two must have looked mad… drenched, drunken and depressed, in the middle of a storm, enveloped in darkness, hugging yourselves as if that would be of any help. Only the light of the moon and from the other motel rooms made it possible for you to see Toji’s face. The sounds of his rabid sobs mixed with the intensity of the rain pelting the ground, the freezing winds icing over his face sobered him up a bit. Toji began speaking as you looked down at your bare feet once again being swallowed by the wet pavement.

“I don’t trust anyone else,” Toji burns a hole into the parking lot with his stare, watching it flood slowly, he didn't have the guts to look at you, not yet. The single traffic light across the street whipped back and forth in the wind, streaks of light painting the foggy air. You leaned up against the door next to Toji, your tiny body being engulfed by his large, shaking one.

“…I didn’t trust a-anyone else w-with Megumi, I’m a threat to my own fucking kid, can you believe that?” You thought about it for a second, and you could completely believe it, the fact that Toji hid his son from you for this long should’ve spoken for itself. Your somber silhouettes shivered against the outside of the motel, both of your minds racing to deliberate how you would work yourselves through this mess. You almost wanted to laugh, the last people on this earth you would expect to be parents were you and Toji. With the breath kicked out of you, you slid down to the pavement and let yourself hit the ground. You hugged your knees with your shuddering hands and watched the cars slowly maneuver their way around the dimly lit parking lot. Toji’s hand navigates its way to the top of your head and smooths his fingers over your hair.

“Toji… I just have so many questions-”

“So ask them,” for once you looked at him with soft eyes, his voice trembled every time he spoke, you could try to fill the shell of a fractured man with love, with empathy, but everything you could possibly give him would just seep through the cracks of his ego. 

“…I keep my circles small… so I didn’t have many options of who to leave the kid with… you’re the only person that I’ve allowed myself to get close to…” He ran a hand over his face, his body began to sink down next to you, extending his legs flat to the ground as his pants soaked with rainwater, “and you haven’t rejected me yet so I threw one more thing on you… is that okay?” 

Was it okay? Of all the fucked up things you and Toji have done together, you scoffed in disbelief as your hands began to trace circles on the flooding ground beneath you, swirling rainwater in between your fingers.

“…and his mother?” Your voice cracked as your heart sank at what you could only predict his answer would be. Toji's jaw stiffened, grinding it back and forth as he reached for a pack of soggy cigarettes from his back pocket. 

“Shit,” he muttered. He rung out the pack of smokes in his strong hold, the damp paper pushing between the cracks of his fingers. You looked at him and he looked straight ahead, watching small ripples form in the puddles of water upon impact from the rain.

“She’s dead… died when he was just born,” your chest weakened at his words, eyes overwhelmed with sorrow. Toji's lips began to tremble as he tried to bite back his tears. He was tired of crying, tired of not being strong anymore, and tired of not being a good father, for that’s the strongest thing a man could ever be. 

“…So the kid got stuck with me… he- I don’t deserve him, I don’t deserve to be a father to a kid as good as him…” In his most vulnerable state, you chalked up the courage to take his hand in yours and rub your thumb over his scarlet knuckles. You sat like that for a while, legs sprawled out over the drenched concrete, the ends of your feet grazing each other ever so softly.

“Toji…” your voice came out barely above a whisper, “…don’t say that… Megumi needs you,” Toji’s breath hitched in his chest as he coughed back the urge to cry anymore, “Megumi needs you to get better for him… that kid- he looks up to you so fucking much. He sat next to me for an hour talking about you alone.”

You pulled your knees into your chest and buried them under your sweater to shield your icy legs from the cold. You felt Toji’s blue eyes burn holes into the side of your head, he was desperate for any taste of guidance.

“You’re lying… the kid barely knows me, he”-

“So help him know you! Toji you can’t fucking give up on that kid… and you sure as hell can’t dump him on me and expect me to make up for the years you neglected him! I won’t fucking do it, not without you…” Your screams broke into a whisper. 

You wanted Toji. You wanted him a month ago when he was just an asshole without a kid, and you want him now that he’s just an asshole with a kid. You shifted your body to sit closer to his, his silhouette swallowing yours in size as you curled up next to him on the concrete. Resting your head on his shoulder, he inched his hand towards yours to lift your knuckles to his lips and kiss them gently, one by one.

“Toji…” you continued, your eyes not leaving the ground, “I want to be with you, I want to love you- and if Megumi comes with you I’ll love him too… that’s what you’re asking of me, yeah?” You lifted your head to look at him, leaving your faces only inches apart as you gazed into each other’s eyes. Toji nodded his head slowly, he never asked for help, it was a sign of vulnerability. But the kid was the only exception for Toji, he always has been. He'd always absorb everything like a sponge until he physically couldn’t hold any more dirty water, tearing every time he had to ring out all of his baggage. 

“You wanna know why you’re an asshole?” You’re probed, finally striking a light on one of his gnarly cigs and blowing the smoke onto his face. The scarred corner of his mouth twitched upward, enough for only you to notice. 

“Pray tell, doll.” He chuckled in a husky voice, his calloused hand reaching for the cigarette you held before you smacked it away. He scoffed, “That came from my pack, you know?” 

“The least you could do for me is bum me a cig, no?” You jabbed, the burning cherry hanging from your fingers as your hand bounced around with your words. 

Silence. 

“Well… you’re an asshole Fushiguro…” You continued without any more permission, hesitant to tell him what you wanted to. You feared you’d opened up too much already. Your tongue dragged over your teeth as you worked out your next sentence. 

“You-“ You took a long drag, “You are a raging dick, actually. Because-” you paused to look over at him, and surprisingly enough, you had his complete attention. And his eyes weren’t hardened but- soft. And his breathing was less ragged than it was ten minutes ago. You swallowed hard as his eyes dropped to your mouth. 

“You know you could hop on the next train out of here with no intention of seeing me again…” You whispered. “And I’d fucking love the shit out of that kid regardless, right?” He smirked at your choice of words, Toji tried hard not to love things, in the end everything he gets close to fades away and dies. But he believed that he loved you, and he loved the way you were prepared to drop everything to nurture the most secret part of his life. All he could do was stare at your face, gentle, warm, and glowing in the rain. Though it felt like the whole world was after him he felt safe next to you, and he despised the feeling, for it meant that he was prepared to give himself to someone for a second time, and he wasn’t ready to lose another. 

“And that’s why I left him with you,” he smirked. He winced as you smacked him across the face, your eyes wide and feral.

“Yeah I know, I know that’s why you did it you fuck!” You scream-whispered, still mindful of Megumi just behind the door. “But don’t expect me to be- h-hot shit at this mother thing- I won’t hesitate to throw you under the bus if it means protecting him!” 

You were standing now, and you were pacing, and reality was hitting you, and the adrenaline rush you were riding for the past thirty minutes was wearing off and you were scared. Your hand shook as you rose the dwindling cigarette to your lips, your body shaking from both the rain and the kiss of reality. Struggling to inhale from the damp bud, Toji cut off your train of thought.

“I know you won’t, that’s why I left him with you,” he said sternly, his figure now towering over yours. He grabbed his face in your hands, and it was just as much a loving act as it was a ‘I need you to get your head on straight and focus’ act. He pushed your cheeks in and shook your face ever so slightly, “You listen to me- That. Is. Why. I. Left. Him. With. You.” 

He spoke roughly, dividing every word with a quick pause so you could get it through your head. He pressed his forehead to yours so you were eye to eye. “Hey,” he brushed some matted hair away from your wet forehead. You knew he saw the tears welling in your eyes, and you wish you could push him away so he could never see you cry again. But you couldn’t, you felt that you loved him far too much to do that. Your shoulders shook as you let them fall, you cursed yourself for letting it happen. 

“Fucking listen to me,” Toji jabbed, “I left him with you because you- you don’t fear me. You will throw me under the bus, you’ll push me in front of a fucking train, for that kid,” he actually laughed at the thought, “I know no other person that will hold me accountable- even if it meant my bloody death.” 

You shook yourself out of his hold, throwing your burnt out cigarette on the ground between you two, setting an imaginary border so you could think clearly away from him. 

“Are you sober enough to hear me out?” You asked quietly but not lacking any ounce of aggression. 

“Since you slapped the living shit out of me? I’d say I’m pretty okay,” Toji took one step towards you before you stopped him in his tracks.

“You stay over there and you listen to me,” you growled. You nervously rung out your hands, pulling on every knuckle and joint while you spoke. 

“… I hope you don’t… run away.” You paused, “No- actually, you will not run away,” Your words left your mouth like you were prophesying commandments to a lost disciple. “He needs you with him, Toji. He is tired of you disappearing.”

Toji listened to you like your voice was the last thing he’d hear in his life, yet he wanted you to stop talking. The more you spoke the more bound to the tracks he felt, and he had never been bound to anything before, he did as he pleased, always. So Toji prayed you wouldn’t utter another word that would keep him here. He had to leave, if he stayed you would get hurt, that’s how it always went. But with every word that left your mouth you pulled him in and glued him to the ground he stood on. 

He let out an exasperated sigh as you wrapped a hand in his hair, using it as leverage to push your foreheads back together. He was speechless, there was so much he could say to you, to convince you to kick him to the curb, but his words were stuck in his throat.

“I am tired of you disappearing,” the ropes that kept his body bound to the tracks drew tighter, and in the distance he saw the headlights of a train inching closer by the second.  

“I know you think it’s hopeless, that it’s not even worth trying, but your son having any shot at living a normal life is worth fighting for… Toji, please-” 

And then the train struck him, just as promised, this wouldn’t be the last one you pushed him in front of. 

Your grip on Toji’s hair loosened as his lips crushed themselves onto yours. He pulled you closer, needed you closer, hugging you into his chest as you caressed the sides of his face with your hands, thumbs rubbing at his scarred cheekbones. You tasted like salvation. Toji knew deep down that you were his salvation. 

“I’m not asking you to fix me, I’m way past that- I'm just asking you to be patient… for the kid.” He whispered against your lips, the tears that littered your cheeks dampened his. “I care…” he swallowed his words, “...I care about you- alot.”

“Jesus fuck, did it kill you to say that?” For the first time that night you laughed genuinely, and Toji’s mind was clear. It was carved in stone, he had claimed you and now he’s responsible for your life now, alongside Megumi’s. He raised his hands off your hips as if you were a fragile porcelain doll, too afraid to hurt you now that he’s held you- truly, held you. You looked at him questioningly, already missing the feeling of his skin against yours.

“I don't want you to get hurt… I don’t want Megumi to lose anyone else, he needs something I’m afraid I can’t give to him-”

“Shut up,” your eyebrows furrowed together as you shook his head gently, “Don’t go there… you dumb fuck,” bringing his lips to yours once more, he finally released under your touch, the feeling of you safe and in his arms put his restless thoughts to bed.

“I'm here, Megumi is sleeping soundly inside… we’re gonna be okay. Everything is a fucking mess. Because you did kind of fuck it, but we’ll figure it out,” you insisted, taking his hands in yours and placing them on your heart. Toji dropped his head to the crook of your neck and closed his eyes as the soft thump of your heartbeat grazed against his fingertips.

“Do you feel that? I’m alive you asshole… I’m not dead yet.”

—-

Toji knew you would stick around for a while.

He was right, because here you were, two years later, with Megumi cradled in your arms as you carried him up the winding steps of your Victorian home, placing soft kisses on his forehead and lulling him to sleep. Today was the anniversary of that night at the motel, when you met Megumi for the first time and decided to help Toji care for him even when you were entirely lost yourself. You haven’t been back there since, you three left the next morning on a train and never looked back. You told Toji that if you did it would be bad luck, so he kept moving forward for you and his son, to finally give him a life he deserved. But tonight you two thought it would be nice to visit one more time, on your anniversary, just for old time’s sake.

Toji watched as you tiptoed back down the steps and gave him a gentle thumbs up, signaling that Megumi had finally fallen asleep. Toji wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up into him, peppering kisses all over your blushing face. You placed a sloppy kiss onto his lips before jumping down and giving him a little twirl.

“C’mon baby, let’s go!” You wrapped your hand in his and dragged him to the door. His face relaxed into a content smile, after all this time, his little bird was still as free as ever.

—

Around your neck you donned a good locket that Toji had gotten you for your birthday, it moved up and down against your chest as you took deep breaths standing in front of an old friend. The door to room 4C looked just as you left it, with a few more cracks here and there. Your body shuddered as you looked down at the ground in front of it, still feeling the presence of your younger self clad in a drenched sweater, curled up next to a younger, drunken Toji. A warm smile spread across your face as you remembered how scared you two were, unsure of the world and without a plan, shivering in the pouring rain as you thought about your futures together. 

Tonight the sky was clear, the only thing that surrounded you was the sound of cicadas singing. You looked up to your side as you felt Toji’s fingers intertwined with yours, holding onto your hand loosely. He looked down at you and smirked, although you two were much more mature and cared about whether you lost your lives or not for Megumi’s sake, deep down you two would always be the notorious fuck-ups that happened to fit perfectly together.

“Wanna wreck some havoc one last time?” he asked you. You giggled as your hand twirled the brass doorknob, entering the room that you and Toji made love in more times than you could count, the room that you got high in, got drunk in, the room that you fought in, that you threw television remotes at each other in… the room that you eventually fell in love in.

Your fingertips grazed the stiff blankets, the cherry red countertops, the cheap coffee maker, as you took every detail in. Everything was left just the way it was on the night. You let out a chuckle underneath your breath as you sunk your fingers into the mattress, remembering how Megumi’s body slept here soundly as you and Toji decided what the fuck you were to make of yourselves just outside.

“I'm glad you pushed Megumi in here that night…” you whispered as you lifted the blanket up, they could never remove the stain of his chocolate ice cream sandwich from the white sheets. Toji watched as you reminisced, taking in every inch of you, before your eyes finally met as you dragged your gaze across the tacky flower paintings that decorated the walls. Your eyes rested on his face as you drank the sight of him in. Toji was happy, he was at peace with what his life had turned out to be.

“The way it all happened was absolutely fucking ridiculous I hope you know that…” You rolled your eyes at him as he crossed his arms and leaned up against the kitschy wallpaper. “...but I wouldn't change a thing, it happened the way it did for a reason.” 

He watched as your hips swayed back and forth underneath your black slip dress, his heartbeat speeding up as you draped your arms around his neck and leaned him further back into the wall. Toji, the hardened man that could effortlessly punch through anything that looked at him the wrong way, softened immediately when he was with you. You were his biggest source of strength, but his ultimate weakness nonetheless.

“Hold me, Toji,” you whispered as you brought your lips to his, feeling his brute arms tie themselves around your tiny waist, “…I love you baby,” you murmured as your lips moved against his.

“Thank you,” Toji had spoken for the first time since you two entered the room, too enamored with you to form any coherent words until this point. He watched as the orange light from the bedside table illuminated the back of your head, the halo of light framed your face like an angel.

“What?” you continued to pepper kisses all over his face, gently alternating back and forth from each cheek as your fingers played with his dark hair.

“For saving me… for loving Megumi… you didn’t have to fucking do that… you could’ve been free but you chose this life,” he pulled you up into him, shoving his face into your neck and taking in your scent. Toji was deathly afraid of losing you, so when he held you, he held you like it was going to be the last time he’d ever get to. You were his second chance at life, and if he could, he’d have you by his side forever.

“And I wouldn’t have chosen any different.” You croaked, your fingernails grazing the back of his neck. 

“I wanted you then Toji and I still want you now, heaven and hell would have to meet on this earth to get me to stop loving you…” Your words were barely above a whisper, making sure they were for him and only him. Toji’s lips began to move against your neck and his hand tugged your head back by your hair, giving him more room to mark you. 

“Toji, plea-“ You whined breathlessly, eyebrows furrowing together as everything inside you became bubbly and grew more sensitive with every touch. 

“Have you ever thought about…” His lips paused against your neck, his grip on you tightening before he let up, “Fuck it, nevermind.” He shut himself down before he could even finish his thought. You nudged his head out from where it was hiding on your shoulder and forced him to look at you. You always found it funny that you held such a threatening man like putty in your hands.

“No… say it, tell me please,” you rested your hands on either side of his face, letting him know it was okay, you gleamed up at him as the flashes of the television reflected in your eyes, his heart swelled at the sight of you. Toji broke his eye contact with you, anxious of how you’d respond to his question. Toji was anxious. And you could feel it. And then his jaw clenched before his grip on you tightened once again, even now he couldn’t let the fortress that he hid inside break. 

“Have you ever thought about… having another kid?” His eyes were dark, and a grin almost devious teased the corners of his mouth, and all of a sudden you felt how you did two years ago. And the Toji you fell for was standing there and he was so close to you and you were in his arms. He was teasing you like you were helpless teenagers in love. And though you loved Megumi so deeply- he was safe with the nanny at home… and you and Toji were just you and Toji again. You wanted him as fiercely as you did two years ago, and you wanted him to make love to you the way he did two years ago. Everything had been so gentle since you two were last here, and you watched Toji grow into an amazing father. You understood that he treated you like glass because he didn’t want to lose you like he has everyone else. And he was so good to you. But fuck, he was too good sometimes and you wanted that asshole back. 

You pushed yourself into his chest and nudged his face in your direction with your nose, smiling softly as you watched a storm brew in his eyes alone. Your breasts nearly spilled out of the neckline of your dress as you pressed your chest to his. You felt him tense as you licked your way up from his neck to his ear, placing a kiss on the sensitive skin behind it. 

“Toji… I think about it everyday,” you whispered, his grip around your waist tightened as he exhaled sharply, as if he was holding himself back. 

“Do you think about a boy or girl?” He teased, beginning to trace his fingers on your thighs just below the hem of your dress. Your body instinctually moved into his, your words caught in your throat and your eyes lost in his. Toji smirked down at you, watching the way you curled around his finger so easily.

“Hey,” he snapped, taking your chin in a firm hold, “What did I ask you, princess? Stay with me.” 

His other hand that remained just underneath your ass rose a few inches to give it a taught squeeze. He chuckled softly watching you twitch at the sensation. With your chin still in his hand he snapped your face to the left, pressing his nose against your cheek and inhaling deeply, before placing a hard, sloppy kiss to it.

“Tell me.” He pushed your face back so it was an inch away from his, “Do you want me to give you a boy or a girl?” 

The stench of lust stained the walls, the carpets, the bedsheets, your clothes… it stuck to everything. This fucking room made the two of you feral. Toji had you melting in his hands and you wanted him to mold you to fit perfectly to him. Your hands traced down to his chest, feeling the muscles that pulled underneath his fitted black shirt. You took handfuls of the fabric into your fists as you smashed your lips to his, and he reciprocated immediately, like he was a robot built to respond to your commands. His hands flew everywhere, feeling every inch of you. They traced your thighs, slipped under your dress and up your spine, they traced the curves of your breasts and trailed up your neck, before stopping at the back of your head, bringing your face impossibly closer to his. He wanted you to mix together like a forbidden cocktail, whiskey and vodka, dark and light, never to be put together but when they are, they can be deadly. 

You pushed from his unforgiving hold, to look up at him, the two of you breathing heavily, gasping for air like all that was left in the room was sucked out of it. You stumbled backwards as he watched you quizzically, wondering why the fuck you weren’t glued to him right now. You wanted him to see you, fully. So you stopped walking backwards until your legs hit the end of the bed. 

Slowly, your fingers toyed with the hem of your dress, your cheeks heating as Toji smirked and crossed his arms. He watched you with a tilted head and his tongue poking at his cheek, in disbelief that you were his. But his smile dropped when you took hold of your dress and inched it up your soft skin, revealing the lace panties you had been wearing. Then you pushed the silk fabric past your belly button, and Toji could only imagine how that stomach would look big and swollen with his child. You stopped there, and slowly dragged your hands around your stomach, before they rested on top of your womb, your eyes never leaving one another. 

“I don’t care about the gender of the baby… as long as it’s our baby and we take care of it together,” you whispered as you fixed your gaze on Toji’s chest, too nervous to look him in the eye. A primitive feeling ignited within him as he witnessed those words leave your mouth. Someone wanted him, not for dirty work, not to be used, but to love him and share a love with him, he never thought himself capable of feeling compassion for another like this in his life. He wanted to claim you in every sense of the word, fill you up, and burn his name onto your heart. 

“You wanna give me a baby?” He growled from across the room, his shadows reached you from six feet away and enveloped your body, the vibrato of his voice shooting straight to your core. The idea of Toji marking you permanently made your insides curl, wet at the thought of it. Your eyes filled with lust and need, begging him to take you right here. He lost all of his senses as he looked at you turning into a needy little thing for him, breasts supple and on display as they heaved up and down. He imagined how they'd swell and fill with milk for his child, his gaze shot up to your lips, wet as you bit and licked at them, stains of the dark lip liner you had put on before you left, remaining on your skin like a ghost. Then they shot to your eyes, nearly tearing up with need, need to be touched and his completely. Something in you shifted when his gaze softened and his stance relaxed. 

“Fuck… I wanna give you a baby Toji.” You whispered as you felt the first tear roll down your cheek, and within seconds Toji was up against you once more, lips molding to yours and his hands tangled in your hair. The weight and force of him pushed you back as you prepared to hit the bed. You took one of his hands from behind your head and placed it on your stomach, pausing from the kiss to look at him, saying all you needed to tell him with the one stare. 

The rubber band inside of him snapped in that moment, he was madly in love with you, and the way you cared for Megumi so tenderly drove him up a wall. Watching you rock him to sleep, cook him breakfast in the morning, dance carelessly around the living room with him in your arms- he wanted to do it all over again with you, and start at the very beginning this time. He nodded frantically and wordlessly as he laid you back on the bed, pulling the heels off your feet as he crawled over you until he’d pushed you to the head of the bed, eyes never leaving yours. His lips met your collar bone, sucking on the skin that peaked beneath the strap of your dress, you wrapped a hand in his hair and pushed him into your chest as you whimpered, desperate for more.

He pulled his lips from your skin, placing a chaste kiss on the fresh bruise he mouthed onto your chest before placing a strong hand on your stomach, the other bringing itself to your head to make you look at him.  

“Fuck, princess… tell me what you want again.” He whispered, pushing down on the soft skin of your stomach and tracing circles around your belly button with his thumb. Something about that movement turned you feral, as Toji hit all the right spots within you with his words. You crashed your lips into his as you growled into his throat, staking your claim on him. Toji was yours, and you wanted to make sure he knew it. 

“M’hm…” You hummed as you rotate your hips into his thighs, “I wanna have your baby,” Toji squeezed your thighs before he pushed the rest of your dress up above your head, nearly panting as he watching your breasts spill out. He took one nipple into his mouth and the other in his hand, your body arching at the sudden change of pace. He sucked and twirled his tongue around the sensitive bud, the other hard and taught between the rough pads of his fingers. You always loved the way Toji could handle you, he was the only man that was ever able to give you exactly what you needed. It had always been that way, just you and him, becoming experts in each other’s bodies, memorizing every curve and trigger that made one another sing. 

He lifted himself up from your breasts so that his face was hovering above yours and your head was trapped between his arms, he looked at you… and for a second you could’ve sworn you saw sadness wash over his face.

“Tell me what you want me to do to you and I'll do it, tonight you have me completely,” Toji whispered, tracing the contours of your face. You hid in his shadows, unsure what to make of that statement. Your breathing was ragged as you searched his face for the cause of the sudden gloom he casted over the bed you two occupied. You reached up to trace the dips of his jaw and cheekbones, back around his head before your fingers lingered over his lips. 

“Toji, what’s wrong?” You asked wearily, “Don’t I have you completely every other night we spend together?” His gaze saddened, and this time it definitely had. You grew incredibly nervous, because despite the fact that you had Toji for two years… deep, deep down, you knew that he was a force that couldn’t be tamed.  

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered, his forehead dropping to your shoulder. He laid his body weight on top of you, caging you into him as if to protect you from an impending doom. 

“And because I can’t lose you…” Your breath hitched in your throat at his next set of words. You couldn’t let him finish. 

“Toji… no.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around his back and hugging him into you. 

“I’m sorry, I have to.” He shook in your hold, his hand wrapping around the back of your head and pushing it into his neck as you began to sob. You struggled to escape his grasp, you needed to fucking breathe. 

“Toji… get the fuck off of me.” You bit through tears, but he wouldn’t budge. 

“Let fucking go of me!” You pushed, squirming away when you felt him loosen up. You tripped your way out of the bed and hid yourself in the corner of the room, between the big TV and the bathroom. You sheltered your naked body by crossing your arms over your chest and your sobs became uncontrollable. You burned holes into his back as he knelt on the bed with his hands unfolded in his lap, he stared at them, empty and without you in them. 

“I have to leave-“ He began. 

“Shut up.” You whispered, begging him to stop.

“It’s the only way you and Megumi will be safe.” He pushed. 

“I don’t fucking care-“

“You don’t care about my son?” He screamed into the void of the bedsheets, the palms of his hands digging at his weary eyes. The statement shook you, it clawed at the deepest parts of you and ripped them out. Left you gutted. 

“How f-fucking dare you…” You choked, his back was still turned to you. You looked around the room in frantic disbelief, fists punching at your head. “You can at least turn around… and fucking LOOK AT ME… While you tell me that I don’t care about MY SON!”

You were towering above him now, for once in the years you had known this man the power dynamic had shifted. What was different was that you’d experienced another kind of love, and that love left you with a reflex that would cut anyone that threatened it. Toji had been training you up for this moment, the one where he would finally say he was leaving again, and you’d have to be there for Megumi on your own. 

You shoved at his back and he didn’t budge, so you shoved again, and again he didn’t budge. 

“He’s my son too….” You seethed, “ And I will not let you sit there with your back turned to me…” You continued as you rounded the bed so you were facing him. “Just so you can fucking tell me that I don’t care about him!” 

He kneeled as still as a statue, the silence surrounding him almost sickening. And the more you stared at Toji, the more you wanted to laugh. You were not going to fall for his bullshit game again, because in the two years that you’ve loved him you’ve also learned him. 

“You’re a coward, Toji…” You shot to kill. “If you meant what you said you can look me in the eye and say it again.” 

Knowing he wouldn’t budge, you crawled onto the bed and kneeled beneath him, forcing yourself to look up into his eyes. They looked empty. 

“Go ahead and tell me that I don’t love my son, Toji,” you smirked, eyes wild and alight as they were when Toji first set eyes upon you years ago, when he knew he had to have you. You grabbed his chin and tilted it upwards as you crawled into his lap, straddling him so he had nowhere to go, nothing else to look at but you, nothing else to feel but you. You put your lips to his and growled, nothing but heat laced in your words. 

“Be a man… be a father… and tell me that I don’t love my fucking son.” A tear slipped down his cheek, and you could see mountains move in his eyes and you watched the walls of that fortress crack after two years. His hands fell to your hips, locking you in. 

“I can’t,” he whispered, “I can’t tell you that.” Sorrow held heavy in his gaze, as he tried to kiss you with your lips on his. You wouldn’t let him, pushing his face back into place. 

“Then tell me… why you would lie to me Toji,” you asked softly, your sadness, your embarrassment returning. “Why would you leave me again? Have I not been good enough-“

“No,” he cut you off, “No, never.” 

“Then what is it! Tell me why you’re leaving- again!”  You sobbed, your vision of him blurry now. Your hands wrapped around the back of his head as you pulled his body into your bare chest, feeling the wetness of his cheeks against your breasts. You dropped your head into the crook of his neck and sobbed, “What haven’t I done to make you see how much I love you?” 

“It’s not what you didn’t do,” he resolved, “It’s what you did do.” You shook as his fingers kissed up and down your spine. “You have done everything- I could’ve asked for. I am scared of the way I love you… and I am scared of the way you love me.” He tried to pull your face from his neck but you were the immovable statue this time. 

“Look at me,” He says sternly, forcing you from your hiding spot. He places a tender kiss to the corner of your mouth. “I have never loved someone so much. I can’t stay away from you and I think that’ll be our downfall if I don’t leave now. My plan was never to stay, I was going to leave you with Megumi… but god, you’re like a fucking magnet. Of course I stumbled in after him and when I saw you sitting on that bed with him… my fate with you was set in stone, princess.” 

You were a blubbering baby, your hands holding his face as your thumbs rubbed his cheeks back and forth, like they were trying to memorize every scar and curve. You kissed his cheek as he continued, “It is everything you have made me… that’s the reason I have to leave. My work isn’t safe, once they know how soft I’ve become you will be the first people they target.” 

“Toji, I d-don’t care!” You blurted out, “I don’t care… I can take care of myself, I can take care of Megumi. Teach me then, huh? Teach me to f-fight o-o-or use a gun… please Toji… I need you here.” You weren’t even sure of what you were saying, you were just saying anything to keep him here longer. 

“You are all I have left-“ He pushed. 

“As you are to me!” You bit back. 

“Toji, you are all I have… please… please can we try?”

You practically begged, “What about our baby? Was that all just shit to get me to sleep with you one last time? Hm?” 

“No, of course not!” He shot back, words fiery and filled with passion. 

“So you were gonna what? Toji? Knock me up and leave?” You asked silently, holding your eye contact with him. “Because I really wanted- I really wanted to have that with you.” 

He bit back tears, swallowing deeply as you drilled into him. He just shook his head, if he wanted to keep you in his life he had to do this. He had to let you go. He gently pushed you off of him one last time, wincing when he felt you reach for him, your hand gracing his. 

“N-no Toji… no, please,” you begged, his heart tearing as he walked closer to the door, gathering his things slowly. He jolted when he felt your small body press into his back, hugging him from behind and shaking. It took everything in him to fight the urge to place his hand over yours. But feeling you slide to the floor behind him made him turn around to look at you. He had done it, he had broken you, and for the first time in his life he was disgusted that he had done that to someone. 

“Get up,” he choked. 

You refused. 

“Get. Up!” 

“No.”

“I’m not leaving you on the floor like this-“

“Then don’t fucking leave! You asshole!” You screamed at him wildly, smacking at his legs with weak jabs, the picture of a child throwing a tantrum. 

“If you ever loved me or Megumi you would stay!” You cried, “You would stay… and you would try for us…” 

“You can’t say that-“

“Yes I can because it’s true,” you shot your words at him like bullets leaving a gun, short and quick, one after the other. 

“When I agreed to take Megumi under my care… I said I would do it only if you stayed with me. I said I wasn’t going to let you run away. And if you think for a second that I didn’t mean it then you really are fucking dense Fushiguro.” 

Toji’s mouth quirked at the sound of you using his surname, you haven’t done that for a while. He set his sights on you for a reason all those years ago, he knew you were strong, he knew you were unwavering. He just never thought he’d meet someone as stubborn if not more stubborn than him. That’s why he knew you were the one he was going to leave Megumi with. And even now as he looked down at you he knew he made the right decision. You would chase him into the parking lot naked if he made a run for it and he knew that. No one was better for his family than you. His heart dropped when he felt your hand reach up to his, releasing him from his train of thought. You were beautiful. And he was sorry. And stupid for thinking that this wasn’t going to go over without a fight. He tightened his grip on your hand and knelt down to kiss it. Every knuckle. Every fingertip. And he knelt into your touch when you cradled his face.

You saw him make a swift movement from the corner of your eye, and you couldn’t move fast enough when you felt a piece of heavy metal weigh down your hand. In it Toji had placed a gun, you knew he always carried one but he’d keep it concealed around you. So you’d never actually seen it. To be holding it right now… you didn’t know what to do. You watched him as he moved to kneel behind you, his hand never leaving yours that held the revolver. 

You gasped as he brought an arm around your waist, fixing your posture so you were upright. And he adjusted your arms so the gun was pointing at the door of the motel room. His hands laid loosely over yours and his head rested in the crook of your neck. Your breathing grew heavy when he traced from your hand all the way back to your upper arm, fixing its position and propping it up at a 90 degree angle. 

“It’s like a dance, you see.” He whispered into your ear. 

“If you hold it properly, and give it room to move,” he loosened your grip on the trigger. 

“Not too tight, princess…” You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

“It’ll hit all the right steps…” His finger covered yours on the trigger and you felt your heart stop, “and you’ll shoot ‘em dead.” 

“Bang!” Toji mimicked the sound of a gun as you jumped backwards into him and screamed, eyes squeezed shut. But you didn’t feel the reverb of the gun, you didn’t hear anything piercing the wooden door, only the vibration of Toji’s low chuckle in his throat. You turned around to see him propped up on both arms, staring at you in amusement while you stared at him in shock. 

Your hands shook as you examined the gun in your hands, before looking back up at his smiling face. His hands covered yours as he slowly took it out of your grip. 

“What the fuck, Toji?” You whispered, scared as if you’d actually shot something. 

“Safety’s on, sweetheart.” He teased, wrapping an arm around your neck and bringing you into him to place a wet kiss on your mouth. “I’ll let you do the real thing once you start getting good.” 

“What?” You stared at him in disbelief, but he didn’t miss that glimmer of excitement in your eyes. 

“I’ll teach you how to use a gun, I’ll teach you to fight, I’ll teach you whatever you want to know… so we can keep our kid safe.” He whispered, looking down at you with a warm smile on his face. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes…” He whispered, “…I love you.” He added. 

“I love you too,” you almost didn’t believe it. 

“I mean it… I love you.” He repeated, like he could read your mind. But you were still hurt, and angry, and everything bad you could feel you felt. 

“I- prove it to me… that you mean it… I’ve proved myself to you enough tonight Toji… and I won’t stand to be made a fool,” your words bit, and you hope he felt them draw blood. Toji pulled you back into his chest and buried his face in your hair, taking in your scent. 

“You want me to prove it?” He whispered. His hands start to trail up your thighs, his mouth begins to place kisses on your neck. You sighed at his touch, placing your hands over his on your body. 

“Mhm,” you whimpered, leaning into his chest, your body becoming overly sensitive to his movements again. Toji’s hands pushed at your thighs, “Open up for me, princess.” You did as you were told, sliding your feet slowly so they could meet his boots on the carpeted floor, putting your clothed heat on display for him. He continued to draw circles on your thighs, more forcefully now, inching your legs open wider. 

“T-Toji, please,” you choked out, growing impatient. 

“Tell me what you want,” he whispered in your ear, sliding his hand under the waistband of your panties, his cold fingers scorched by your hot skin, “Come on… tell me, pretty girl. Had no problem biting my head off a moment ago.” 

“Fuck you,” you seethed through gritted teeth, trying to amass any pleasure from rutting your hips upwards. 

“Suppose I deserved that,” he chuckled, you could feel his chest shaking against your back. You leaned back into him and swung either of your legs over his highs, opening yourself up wide and demanding he touch you. “Dirty girl, that’s how you got tangled up with me in the first place- were just too damn needy…” His hand slipped under the crotch of your panties and you jerked as he placed his palm flat against you. Toji hissed at the wetness that met his skin, grabbing a handful of the slinky lace into his fist and tearing the cheap fabric off your body, “I’ll have to get you new ones.” 

“Please, Toji, please,” you were practically whimpering, begging for him. Jolting as he slapped your waiting cunt once, catching you off guard as you hissed at him. You placed your hand around his forearm and guided it as he massaged the sting of his strike out. 

“Tell me-“ He began again, letting his fingers slide up and down your folds, collecting all of the wetness before bringing them up to your mouth. You looked up at him behind you and he simply raised a brow, silently suggesting that you knew what to do. You took his hand in yours and dipped your mouth down onto the two fingers he pulled from beneath you, licking and sucking your arousal off of them. 

“Good girl, now tell me…” He pulled his fingers from your mouth and shoved them back down to your weeping heat, this time pushing them in and curling them upwards, holding you in place as your body contracted. 

“T-oji my god!” You gasped at the sudden movement. He shushed you, pressing his lips to your ear as his fingers writhed inside of you, “Shhh… tell me about how you’ve dreamed about giving me another baby,” Toji insisted, a glimmer of that ego shining through as he continued his ministrations, more aggressively this time, beginning to pump two fingers in and out of your cunt. 

“Mph-fuck, Toji please-” His fingers continued, pushing in and out of you, kissing your ear when your head dropped back onto his shoulder.

“Tell me, pretty girl, and I’ll give you more,” he began to speed up, wrapping his spare arm around your torso to hold you flush against him, spreading his thighs further, ensuring that your legs spread with him. You moaned at the action, rutting your hips up into his hand as you gave him what he wanted. 

“I- I’ve dreamed about it since we first bought the house together…” He began to place chaste kisses on your neck, sucking on the supple skin, adding a third finger inside of you. “Fuck… that’s too much To-”

“I think you can take it, how could you have my kids if you can’t even take three of my fingers, princess?” He started to pump slowly, letting you adjust to the size. “Now, go on.”

Your breathing was disorderly, your hands grabbing onto his thighs as you felt yourself swallow the girth of his fingers whole. “Ah- okay… w-we bought the house a-and, I think…” You thought back to the first time you set foot in the house after it was officially yours, you were in love with the Victorian architecture and since you loved it Toji loved it even more. 

“I think watching you paint Megumi’s room that bright blue… seeing you covered in paint… making sure e-everything was perfect for him.” You hadn’t even noticed him speeding up, until he started circling your clit with his thumb and you could’ve sworn you were gonna explode. “Toji- please, I think I’m going to-” 

“Not yet… finish,” he urged and you protested before you felt him land another strike to your clit, “Now.” 

“Oh, my god!” Your eyes crossed when he resumed, your abdomen shaking at the sensation, “W-watching you made me realize t-that… t-that we were going to b-be okay-ah!” The arm around your torso made its way up to your breasts, pinching and twisting at your nipples. “...It made me realize t-that I want to be in this- w-with you…hmph… for a long t-time…” You looked up at him with pursed eyebrows and your mouth agape, finding him already staring at you. His face was warm, your entire being felt warm. And then he sped up, fingers pounding in and out of you, his mouth dropping back down to your neck to litter it with hickies, your legs grew stiff and you frantically jutted up into the palm of his hand. 

“Toji- fuck! Please, please-”

“Tell. Me.” He growled, not letting up on his movements.

“I-I- oh fuck… I realized that I wanted to be with you… f-forever, To-ji. I wanted to h-have more kids w-with you a-and raise a f-amily…” Your eyes held his and you felt your toes curl and your insides turn. His mouth connected with yours, holding your jaw in place, as he growled into your mouth.

“Cum.”

You saw stars as his grip on your jaw tightened, swallowing all of your moans, all of your cries, and drinking them like they were a forbidden elixir. He held your legs open with his, pumping in and out of you relentlessly as he held your shaking body. You felt his length, hard against the small of your back, and you lost it completely when you felt him needily rutting up into you through his black denim. “Fuck Toji! I’m cumming. I’m cumming- ah!” 

You two were a sweaty bundle of bodies, desperately rutting into each other, trying to be impossibly close to one another. You reached an arm around his neck and drew him into a wet kiss, hungrily biting and sucking on his lips, his tongue, any inch of him you could take in. 

“More. Toji, please, I need you more.” You begged when his fingers finally released you. You wanted each other in ways you never had before, this time was… different. This time you two were consummating your own version of a fucked-up marriage. In sickness and health. In life and death. You would have each other completely. You felt how needy he was, the scent of your arousal on his mouth, on his hands, lingering everywhere, it turned him into an animal. You turned to face him and helped him out of his clothes. Peeling the shirt off his sweaty body as he kicked his boots off, licking a stripe up his abdomen with heaving breaths, your eyes never leaving him as you panted for him, need dripping off your tongue. Once you got to his neck, you began to leave bite marks along his collarbone, his jaw, your bare cunt rutting into his crotch, growling at the cotton boxer-briefs that kept skin from skin. Toji’s hands grazed over your body, tracing every curve and valley, letting you devour him, take him, do what you wanted with him. 

“Take these off,” You breathed against his neck, fingers pulling at the waistband of the boxers, he chuckled, grabbing you by the back of the head and forcing your eyes to meet his, “As you wish, mama.” 

Sure, there were partners before Toji, and the sex was fine. But no one had ever made you act the way he made you act. You were a partnership of two antagonists, just prodding and poking at each other to see who could make the other crazier. You were sure that tonight, Toji would win. 

Mama.

You saw stars at the word and he knew it. Toji watched your eyes grow as dark as his in seconds, trailing his every movement as he lifted his hips up and slid his boxers down his legs. You watched his cock smack his stomach, so rock hard it looked like it hurt. You needed him in cynical, territorial ways. As did he to you. 

“If you don’t put a baby in me right now Fushiguro…” His eyes widened at the vulgarness of your demand. He watched you kneel just feet away from him, observed the way your chest was heaving up and down, the locket he gifted you, the one you never took off, moving with it. He noticed the way your breasts looked heavier, nipples puffier. He noticed your arousal dripping down your thigh, he had never seen you so wet. And lastly, he noticed the way your hands guarded your stomach, as if they were guarding your precious womb until he came around to mark it. 

“Get on your back,” he barked, climbing over to you swiftly, not giving you time to follow his directions on your own as he had you laid down against the carpet in seconds. He licked his lips as he watched you draw your bitten lips into your mouth, waiting for him to do something.

“Tonight I am going to fucking worship you,” he growled, smashing his lips to yours, jamming his tongue down your throat and licking you everywhere unholy. His lips trailed down your breasts, your stomach, and he stopped above your thighs, leaving bite marks all the way down. He blew a puff of air onto your sticky heat, before teasing you with a small lick. The second your thighs flew upwards his hands held them down, gripping onto the fat like they were lifesavers. He stuck his tongue in your folds, firmly tracing circles around your clit and following the patterns of your vulva. 

“Toji!” You screamed, almost as if you wanted him to stop. But that couldn’t be further from the truth, you needed him to keep going. One of your hands tangled in his hair as the other held onto his, your body writhing like a fish out of water as he continued to suck and pull at your core, groaning into you every time you rode your hips against his face. 

“I-I can’t, please I’m-” You gasped for air, desperately moving your body up and down with his mouth, riding out the waves of pleasure he was giving you. Your body was still sensitive from  your orgasm just moments ago, you felt like you could burst at any moment. But Toji didn’t stop, he kept blowing air onto your clit, fucking you with his tongue and biting the soft skin around your mound. He reached up to grab hold of one of your breasts, squeezing and pinching as he himself ground into the carpet he laid upon. Your moans and your taste were his jet fuel, and he was getting off to every second of it. You watched his ass flex as he repeated his movements, drawing circles into the carpet with his cock. The sight of him desperately humping nothing sent you over the edge, screaming as you pulled at his hair, your thighs closing around his head.

“TojiohmygodI’mcummingfuck!” Your words came out a sloppy mess, unable to do anything but praise him for being so good to you. He continued to place kisses on your inner thighs until you were done riding out your high, your body finally falling back to the floor. 

“Feel okay?” He asked calmly, rising to his knees as your body occasionally twitched in your post-orgasmic euphoria. He ran his hands up and down your torso, gently massaging once he got down to your pelvic bones, working out the knots and work you had just put in to getting off on his face. He knelt down to kiss you deeply, tenderly this time, inhaling your scent and running his hand over your head.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. His eyes searching for answers in yours, “I’m sorry,” he uttered, digging his forehead into the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry I tried to run away, you don’t deserve that.”

“Toji… I- I love you.” He kissed your forehead, his hand hitching themselves underneath your thighs, watching your eyebrows furrow together while he inched your knees up slowly.

“This comfortable?” He asked you for reassurance again and you nodded, and he pushed a little further, until your knees nearly touched your shoulders, you winced a little at the stretch of it, inhaling and exhaling deeply as he waited for you to adjust. When you open your eyes he’s looking down at you, kissing the insides of your calves and massaging them. 

“It hurts a little?” He asks again gently and you nod. He chuckles quietly as he leans down to kiss you, you inhale sharply as he puts pressure on your legs, stretching your hamstrings even more than intended.

“If I’m gonna put a baby in you, this is the best way, princess.” 

His words ran straight to your core, and you nodded frantically, feeling like a teenager having sex for the first time. So eager to feel him. This time with Toji felt different, call it- fucking with intention. Both of you felt the thickness of the air, you knew how much this meant. He placed a chaste kiss to your lips before whispering against them, “Let me know if you need me to stop.” 

Your eyes nearly crossed at the suggestion of him fucking you so hard you’d need to call it in, you just wanted to feel him already, “Mhm… Toji, please.”

His head dropped to your chest as you wrapped your arms around his neck, gripping him tighter when you felt his tip prop itself at your entrance. He laid his body flat against yours, you screamed at the burning in your legs, folded back against you with the weight of his body, but you wanted more. His arms caged your head in on either side and that was when you felt it. Toji watched the way your face contorted, your mouth dropping and eyes squeezing shut as he filled you at an angle he never had.

“Fuuuck,” he exhaled, inching his length into you further and further. He felt you claw at his back, skin sticking under your fingernails as you groaned with him, two animals fucking to conceive. The most primitive state of the human, fucking to reproduce, to bear offspring, to grow a family. 

“Toji-”

“Yes, princess,” he cut you off, “Oh fuck,” he gasped, bottoming out inside you, before hoisting your waist up to his and slinging your legs over his shoulders.

“T-Toji I’m so full!” You whined, grabbing onto his thighs folded on the floor as he knelt before you, buried deep in your cunt. 

“I know, baby, I know… be good and let me put a baby in you, okay?” He asked, placing kisses to your calves once again. You panted, nodding up at him while he made his first move. You groaned as he pulled himself out, before splitting you back open and bottoming out once again, “Fuck Toji, I need-” 

You felt it snap inside you again, whatever it was that made you feral, foaming at the mouth for the feeling of him inside you. “Toji I need you to fuck me…” You ground your hips into his, grasping at anything to give you leverage on his length. He looked down at you wearily, always so delicate, so fragile, “I don’t know if I should-”

“Fuck, Toji! Stop treating me like I’m glass and fuck me!” His eyes grew dark at your words, but still a glint of remorse held him back. You smacked at his chest, then looked down to remember that he was balls deep inside you, he seemed to remember at the same time because his stare turned wicked, “Look at me, Toji... I need you to fuck me baby.” 

You felt him begin to pick up his pace, slowly but surely rutting into you, fucking you deeper and deeper with every thrust. “F-uck, Toji!” Your mouth dropped as you watched a string of spit leave his mouth and drip on to where his cock and your cunt met, you gasped for air when he reached down to spread it around, lubing you up and preparing to go deeper, “T-oji, TojiTojiTojiii, please baby.”

“Yes, pretty girl. Fuck yes.” He gritted through his teeth, groaning at the way your tits bounced with every thrust, he reached out and cupped one in his hand, “Fuck, your tits are gonna be so full in a few months…” Your eyes rolled back at the way he groped it, playing with your nipple. Then your eyes fell to where you two connected and his gaze followed, the two of you watching Toji reappear and disappear inside of you, your wetness covering his cock, and his arousal being shoveled deeper and deeper inside of you.

You squealed as he thrusted harder, laying on top of you and rutting down into your heat. “Go ahead and touch yourself for me,” Toji instructed, and so you did. And a familiar feeling began to bubble up in your stomach, and for the third time that night Toji would ruin you. 

“Toji, please oh fuck-” He brought a hand up to your sweaty forehead, blowing air on it to cool you down, he then took your hand and placed it on your stomach, smirking as your eyes widened at what you felt.

“Feel that? Feel me inside of you?” He whispered, kissing you swiftly, feeling himself come close. You were a mess of moans and whines and you couldn’t even begin to explain the things that Toji was making you feel.

“Y-yes… yesyesyesdaddyIfeelit!” You cried as you circled your clit faster and pulled him closer, “Fuck yes! Right there baby, fuck me right there!” 

Toji growled, his hands now clawing at your thighs, the picture of two animals fucking wildly. Something sent him tipping past sanity as he pushed your legs all the way back, your ass up in the air as he thrusted down into you.

“Call me that again…” He seethed, grinning cynically at the way your eyes glazed over, his hand wrapped itself around your throat, enough to let you breathe. The sensation was overbearing, you started writhing underneath him, squirming and twitching while he kept his pace.

“F-uck,” you choked out, cracking what smile you could with Toji’s hand restricting you, “I want you to fill me up, Daddy.” Toji saw red, and blue, and every color that you helped him see in the past two years, and he fucked them all back into you. He kissed you with tenacity, lips tangled with lips and limbs tangled with limbs.

“I’m close,” he seethed.

“Me too,” you whispered.

“Boy or girl, tell me and I’ll fill you,” he whispered against your lips, saliva, snot and sweat mixing as you two breathed heavily into each other's mouths. Toji’s neck turned red the longer he held in his orgasm, the veins of his arms popping as he held you tightly, maneuvering you so you were in the perfect position to receive him. 

“I told you I don’t care,” you whispered back, feeling yourself close to the brink, tears forming in your eyes, “I told you I d-don’t care as long as I raise them with you.”

He smiled, “Pick a wild card.”

You smiled back.

“Girl,” you whispered. With your arms holding him closely against you, Toji began to writhe, his abdomen jerking in and out as he tried to control the strength of his orgasm.

“Fuck!” He screamed, fucking his seed into you, filling you up with himself. You pulled his face to yours and kissed him tenderly while you felt yourself clench around his length, milking him and riding out another orgasm of your own. 

“Yes,Toji! Yesyesyes!” You wrapped your legs around his torso and held him there, feeling his body twitch as he continued to shoot loads of himself into you. Your body shook as you took everything he had to give you, placing your hands atop his as he held your legs back, the two of you watching him push every drop that fell out back in. 

To think that you and Toji would end up here, there was a time when he was nothing but a fuck buddy to you, and you to him, now you desired something so intimate, so binding to his being. You couldn’t help but laugh breathlessly in his arms, and with that he looked down at you, smiling. Toji admittedly never smiled a lot before he met you, but as he looked down at you, he couldn’t be happier to smile in your presence. 

“Do you think we… got it?” You asked him, out of breath.

He raised his eyebrows, “You would doubt my work?” You smacked his chest and pushed him off of you, attempting to stand up but finding yourself weak in the knees. Toji approached you from behind and lifted you up slowly, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into him.

“I think we should try the bed out next,” he whispered, “See if it’s still any good?” 

You looked up at him in disbelief, “You want to do that again?” 

“You don’t?” He smirked.

“Well I-” You thought for a second while you melted into his hold, “I don’t not want to do that again.” He emitted a dark sound, while kissing the top of your head, and leading you step by step over to the old mattress. 

“Remember the first time we had sex here? I think I tied you to the headboard,” he suggested casually. Your hands tensed around his before you spun yourself around to face him, wanting to smack him, grin and all. He pushed himself into you and grabbed handfuls of your ass, lifting you up into him and taking in the sight.

“For old times sake, princess,” he persisted. Your tongue pushed at the inside of your cheek as you considered the idea. You supposed mother’s had to have fun too.

“...Just this once, asshole.”

“God, I love it when you call me that.”

© 2023 mitsery - do not repost my work to any other platforms

[nahoney22]

hi hello I don’t know how to use tumblr but your blog convinced me (I had no idea there was such a gold mine of E V E R Y T H I N G on tumblr whew). Anyway I’m a slut for some slow burn romance, can I request something with Echo? Maybe reader has known him since 501st days and liked him since, and learning he lived and joined the bad batch just made her NEED to find him again? Ps I love you, you’re a beautiful soul ok bye

All Roads Lead to You

Echo X F!Reader

word count: 1.7k

Learning from Rex that Echo was alive, you knew you had to find him and after so many years and confess how you really feel for him before it’s too late again.

warnings: Fluff, cute reunion, mutual pining, friends to lovers, first kiss, brief mentions of Echo at the citadel, mentions of death. Safe for work. Female reader. Not proofread.

authors note: oh my darling @burningfieldof-clover I’m so sorry for the delay 🙈 this got lost in my drafts. Enjoy 🤍

"Hey, are you alright?"

Rex's voice reached your ears, but the words remained trapped in your throat. You stood there, rooted to the spot, a whirlwind of emotions raging within you. Tears welled up in your eyes as a million thoughts raced through your mind. Then again, how does one react to the miraculous news that the man you had loved for countless years, the man you had believed to be lost forever, was now alive?

It took the gentle wave of a hand in front of your face to snap you out of your daze. Blinking back your tears, you focused on Rex, who wore a concerned expression. "You okay?"

"Echo's alive?" you finally managed to croak out, your voice trembling with a mixture of disbelief and hope.

A soft, reassuring smile graced Rex's lips as he nodded. "Yes, he's alive. He's been with another squad for quite some time now."

The shock of the revelation left you struggling to grasp the reality of the moment. Rex had delivered this life- news with such casual ease, unaware of the immense significance it held for you. He couldn't possibly fathom the depths of your feelings for the Arc Trooper.

Rex guided you to a quiet spot and began to unravel the incredible story of Echo's survival. To your horror, he painted a vivid picture of the ordeal Echo had endured from the Techno Union, how he was rescued and his choice about joining another squad. You truly had no ideal to cope with all this information, other than stare at Rex dumbfounded.

You had abandoned your position within the GAR years ago, unable to bear the pain of Echo's supposed death. But now, a chance had emerged, a chance to find Echo and to finally confess the love you had hidden away for years. However, the question of whether it was too late, whether Echo even held the same feelings for you, loomed large. But you had to find out one way or another. “How do I find Clone Force 99?”

Rex had been kind enough to provide you with the coordinates of the last known location Echo was heading to, and you had promptly booked a shuttle to get there. The journey was arduous, with doubt gnawing at your thoughts the entire way. Your mind whispered that this might be a foolish mistake, but the need to see Echo, to confirm his existence with your own eyes, outweighed all hesitation.

As the shuttle touched down on the unfamiliar planet, you felt a sense of disorientation and timid uncertainty. You questioned whether you should first explore your surroundings or make an attempt to find Echo yourself.

However, your gaze was drawn to the vast expanse of the ocean. It had been too long since you had witnessed such natural beauty, the sun's gentle rays dancing on the water's surface. The clean, fresh air was a stark contrast to the stuffy atmosphere of the deeper levels of Coruscant. You had overheard that this planet served as a refuge for many after the Clone Wars, and it seemed like the perfect place for it.

Lost in contemplation, you were brought back to the present by the presence of a small girl standing beside you, her bright brown eyes and short blonde hair catching your attention. She gazed up at you and inquired, "Are you okay?"

You offered her a warm smile and nodded. "Yeah, thanks. Just... taking it all in."

She eagerly inquired, "I love it here. Are you visiting someone or staying?"

Your soft laughter filled the air as you found her nosiness to be quite charming. Truth be told, you didn't see a reason to hide the purpose of your visit. "Visiting someone."

Her eyes lit up with excitement. "Who? Maybe I know them?" Her eagerness was infectious, and you couldn't help but notice the familiarity in her eyes, a certain resemblance that tugged at your memories.

You began to answer, "Alright, he's called Ec—"

But before you could finish, a commanding voice interrupted, "Omega, come. We need to get going." The voice sent a shockwave through your heart, and your breath caught in your throat. It was a voice you had longed to hear, one you thought you'd never hear again.

Omega let out a sigh and offered you an apologetic look before turning and hurrying to the source of the voice. As you turned to see the speaker, your heart skipped a beat. Echo stood there, so different yet unmistakably the same. His gaze on you was strong, as if trying to piece a picture together of who you were.

"But Echo, I was helping her find someone," Omega protested, gesturing towards you. Her words were distant as Echo's gaze locked onto yours, trying to recognise the changes in your appearance from the last time he had seen you. Your hair, clothing, and your civilian guise had replaced the uniformed visage he remembered.

Interrupting the profound moment, Omega's question rang out, but both you and Echo remained captivated by the connection rekindled in that shared gaze. Soon, the other members of Echo’s squad gathered by Omega's side.

Hunter's curiosity was piqued as he observed the unfolding interaction, and he couldn't help but ask, "What's going on?" Omega simply shrugged, her eyes trained on Echo and you.

With a few more tentative steps, Echo closed the distance between you, his head tilted slightly as if to analyse you, to confirm that it was really you. Your voice quivered as you managed to say, "Hi, Echo," and he echoed your name in a soft, heartfelt tone.

A warm smile graced his lips as he admitted, "I can't believe it's you."

A gentle, albeit slightly teasing, response escaped your lips. "I could say the same."

Finally, the emotional barrier gave way, and you found yourselves locked in each other's arms, holding each other as though afraid to let go. "

I've missed you so much," you whispered into his chest, your glistening eyes revealing the depths of your longing. The tears threatened to spill, impossible to hold back any longer.

And then, an unexpected comment from one of Echo's companions, "I didn't know Echo had a girlfriend,” broke the tender moment and you could not help but laugh.

“Let me introduce you to the others,” Echo pulls out of the hug, offers you a reassuring smile and guides you to his new comrades.

Later that evening after some good, really good food, yourself and Echo take a walk down by the shore. Making small talk and catching up on everything you both have missed, it felt like nothing changed between you both. It was everything you could have hoped for.

"I really can't believe you're here," Echo chuckled, a sense of disbelief lingering in his voice. "I never thought I'd see you again."

A soft smile graced your lips as you matched his pace, coming to a stop as you spoke. "Me either."

Then, with a touch of hesitation, you blurted out, "So, uh, are you seeing anybody?" The question took even you by surprise, and it seemed to have a similar effect on Echo. His curiosity was piqued as he observed your flustered expression.

He folded his arms over his chest, shaking his head. "No, are you?"

Your reply came swiftly, perhaps a bit too swiftly for your liking. "No." You didn't give yourself a chance to consider the implications of your response, and Echo didn't press further.

His next question, however, held a hint of teasing, and his voice carried a subtle tone of curiosity. "Oh yeah? And why's that?" It seemed as though he was studying you, and for a brief moment, you thought he might have moved a bit closer, but it was hard to tell if it was just your imagination.

Your breath wavered as you gazed into Echo's eyes, your heart racing just like the first time you had ever met him. It felt like the right moment to lay bare the truth, to let him in on the emotions that had been tucked away for far too long.

"I have feelings," you began, your voice steady but your eyes now avoiding his, "for you. I have feelings for you."

Echo's eyes widened, and he blinked in astonishment, his words caught in his throat as he grappled with the unexpected confession. "You have feelings," he repeats, taking a step closer, his voice barely more than a whisper, "for me?"

You dipped your head, nodding as you ran a hand through your hair nervously. "I always have, Echo. I've loved you for so, so many years." The truth hung in the air between you, a confession that had been kept in the shadows for far too long.

The crashing waves almost drowned out the deafening silence that followed Echo's lack of response to your confession. Regret started to surge through you, the weight of the confession now hanging heavily in the clear air, making the situation uncomfortable and awkward.

"Sorry, I should go," you quickly uttered, turning to leave, but before you could take a step, his hand swiftly caught your wrist, pulling you back towards him. You stumbled slightly, finding yourself suddenly close to his chest, confusion painting your eyes.

In a moment that felt like a dream, Echo leaned in, nose nudging against your own and his breath brushing against your face with his lips hovering close to yours. "Echo?" you whispered, a rush of chills coursing through your body.

"I love you too," he finally uttered, his eyes closing as his lips met yours in a tender, affectionate embrace. "I've loved you since the first night I met you," he confessed, his warm breath mingling with yours as his hand moved to your waist, drawing you closer.

The kiss unfolded slowly, a perfect and intensely romantic connection, a moment that exceeded all your imagined dreams of being with Echo. It felt surreal, but his touch, his lips, assured you of his reality. When the kiss finally parted, he breathed, "Stay with us. Stay with me."

In that instant, any doubt vanished. You knew you would never even consider leaving his side again. Echo's confession sealed the bond, and you embraced the certainty that this was where you belonged, in his arms.

Masterlist

Taglist if you want to be added or removed (please note I’ll remove you if you’re not interacting with my work 🤍)

Tags: @andyoufollowyourheart @littlefeatherr @kaitou2417 @eyecandyeoz @captxin-rex @jesseeka @ashotofspotchka @theroguesully @ladykatakuri @jambolska-grozdova a @arctrooper69 @padawancat97 @rain-on-kamino @either-madness-or-brilliance @staycalmandhugaclone @ko-neko-san @echos-girlfriend @fiveshelmet @dangraccoon @plushymiku-blog @chrissywakingup @sol-the-otter @pb-jellybeans @nunanuggets @sleepycreativewriter @erellenora @zippingstars87 @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo @therealnekomari @tech-depression-inventory @brynhildrmimi @greaser-wolf @tinyreadersmur @seriowan @imalovernotahater @kaminocasey @marvel-starwars-nerd @ladytano420 @ladyzirkonia @raevulsix @whore4rex @imperialclaw801 @temple-elder @mysticalgalaxysalad @id-rather-be-a-druid @the-bad-batch-baroness @photogirl894

[lemonthepotato]

Thoughts On Muffins Rescripted So Far

For anyone wondering, I will give a brief summary of what Muffins is. The Muffins Saga is a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic grimdark fanfiction series. The series started with a short 2013 fanfiction titled "Muffins", which was a spin-off to an infamous MLP:FiM fanfiction "Cupcakes" by Sergeant Sprinkles. Thirty-six prequels, sequels and midquels were written, with six supposedly remaining.

Due to the controversies surrounding the author, Rainbott made their own reclamation of Muffins. This version of Muffins is called ‘Icing On The Cake’, and has a few differences from the original. I want to go over the synopsis I’ve seen so far and give my thoughts on what I like and what I don’t like. I should clarify that while I am critical of some aspects of this re-write, I didn’t make this post to shit on Rainbott. This is a blog hardly anyone reads, and I’m not trying to be rude. I’m just giving my opinion on it. I will clarify this: I like the concepts presented in the re-write, I’m just uncertain about the execution and how that’ll go. I say this out of love for the original, the concepts presented in Icing On The Cake, and my personal opinion.

If you want the tl;dr: I have mixed thoughts on Icing On The Cake, but I like that it makes an attempt to bring new life to an old story. I like the fact that Pinkie is portrayed as more of a manipulator, and I like that there are a lot of unique, creative ideas in the story.

Topic: Onyx ‘Minkie Pie’

So, I’ve seen a lot of Minkie redesigns. I even made my own. And I think this one stays close to the original, while adding some new stuff in with it. The blue and the purple look good together, and her cutie mark is unique with a heart shape to it. It’s a pretty okay redesign.

I don’t really like how in her backstory, as it kind of goes against what Muffins originally characterised Cloudy as. I mean, it’s a re-write, right? Haha, that rhymes. Cloudy… I mean, Peppo… Also, look. I know she isn’t the brightest, but how can a NEWBORN be ‘taught’ demonic things? Cloudy isn’t that thick, even if she pretty is. I don’t know, it seems low stakes to me.

Something I noticed is that Derpy and Apple Bloom’s name are consistently spelt wrong. Derpy Hooves is spelt as Whooves, and Apple Bloom is spelt as Applebloom. Also, I feel like Maud - from the synopsis - doesn’t play a massive role. That’s kinda sad… anyway, I still disagree with giving Minkie the ability to spot lies.

Pinkie Pie’s Project - I think the cheese grater is still a problem. I mean, Nightmare Moon is feared, right? A villain. Why would a child want to replicate a villains actions, especially when fillies fear Nightmare Moon? I thought it was going in the direction of “Pinkie makes a sacrifice for Nightmare Moon” but eh… personally, I’d have Rain Cloud be stumbled across by Pinkie Pie, who was her best friend, and Pinkie breaks down and doesn’t know what to do. The cheese grater incident (which occurred before) gave her inspiration to keep her friend with her forever, by baking her. She then takes revenge on Rain Cloud’s behalf, taking out village bullies, before her morality shrinks as her urges become unbearable and she begins preying on innocent.

Just my idea.

3. Beauty Lies Within

It’s alright. It’s essentially the same as the original, and I loved the original story. I’d say it was my favourite Muffins story.

4. Stuck In The Limelight

Eh, I don’t mind it. It’s alright.

5. The Fun Never Ends

I feel as if this re-write excludes a major detail that was one of the stronger original points: Minkie protecting AB and Derpy. Idk why it was cut.

6. The Last Crusade.

I like it. I like how manipulative Pinkie Pie is.

7. The Rest

The story at this point gets… a bit ridiculous. And then by A Glimmer Of Hope, it gets beyond ridiculous. And the time travel is where I kinda lost it. So, by time travelling, did Apple Bloom just abandon her old timeline? What happened to the Inkie, Minkie, Blinkie and Derpy of that world? The ending also feels a bit too optimistic, too perfect. What did any of it mean, if in the end, Apple Bloom would just travel back in time anyway? What impact did killing Bellatrix really have if it was ‘erased’ from the past? I feel like by having a perfect, rose-tinted ending, it kind of sours what could’ve been a great story. Because I like some of the concepts in Icing On The Cake, I just don’t like the synopsis we’ve been given so far. And it’s that disappointment is something that could’ve been great that’s why I’m even making this post, not hate, not anger, but disappointment and a love for a concept. My comment on Rainbott’s video doesn’t have any of these criticisms, because I don’t like going out of my way to tell people I don’t like this or that. This is just my opinion. This version of the story also treats Pinkie like the ultimate root of evil, when in reality, what the original Muffins did right was highlight the effects that long term abuse from a highly religious family could cause.

To give an example of a good time travelling story, let’s look at one of my favourite pieces of media, Higurashi. In Higurashi, spoilers, the true protagonist is revealed to be Rika Furude, who has been stuck in a time loop for a hundred years or so, trying to find a way to prevent all her friends deaths. In the end, things turned out fine, but there were still sacrifices to be made. The time travel worked in that story because it flips the idea of ‘being given a chance to do things right’ on its head. Rika was given many chances to, but like a human, she couldn’t figure it out easily. So she began to slowly deteriorate in her psyche. Even when she reached the ‘perfect world’, things weren’t guaranteed to be perfect. I mean, Sotsu and Meguri are the result of Satoko not getting therapy for her trauma. In this Muffins Rescripted, all of the characters horrendous actions are undone. They don’t even remember it, except AB & Pinkie Pie. I mean, even in Life Is Strange, Max faces consequences for messing with time. Time travel is generally an overpowered tool of fiction, and it can be used to tie things up neatly, even if a story is written into a corner.

We can’t know for certain how the story will go as we are only given a synopsis, but from what I’ve seen, I have mixed feelings. I think something oddly endearing about Muffins was that it felt down to Earth. There was no magical fights. And while I understand it’s intentional to stray from this, I really think the charm of Muffins is in a way… its edginess. The fact that things reflect the real world. The fact PRISON exists (yes I’m aware there’s a pony cop in the show. one.), the fact that Babs tricks kids into eating apple seeds, the fact that there are *serial killers*. The fact that the plot doesn’t rely on magic. It’s sort of an ironic twist on the original. The fantasy and sci-fi elements out of left field just rub me the wrong way… genre whiplash, sorta.

But hey, we’ll have to wait until the stories are actually out to make our full judgments.

Edit: I made this post just a year and three days ago. I just want to add that this comes across as a bit harsh, but I swear it wasn’t intentional. I can be too blunt sometimes, it’s not intentional. I didn’t make this post to attack Rainbott or insinuate they were a bad writer. I was just giving my raw thoughts on the story. No one accused me of that, for the record, I just picked up on it re-reading.

[aipilosse]

I always meant to do a self-indulgent navel-gazing post after finishing What Brings Us Together, but never got around to it. Honestly, two days before I posted the epilogue, I got some bad news that completely turned my life upside down. It tinged the whole story with bad vibes and I still haven’t been able to go back and read it in its finished state. But things are looking up now! This is not a post of sadness and complaints, more just self-indulgent musing and complaints. 

When I first joined the fandom (or really returned and de-lurked, I was scrolling through live journals and reading fic back in the 00s), my impression was that the level of activity in the Silm fandom was very low. I had a tumblr but it was largely abandoned after the Great Porn Purge of 2017 (right? 2017?). I’d found a few newer fics on AO3 as I binge read a decade of fic, but I didn’t ever just look at the latest fics. I found most new fic through bookmarks and most of the bookmarks I saw were fics written in 2015-2016 so I just kind of assumed the fandom was mostly dead. 

But I had an idea for a story! And I did a quick search and didn’t see anything like it, so I started writing. And it was easy: the words came, the plot flowed, I figured out characters, and I posted it. Who says writing is hard? (Me; I say writing is hard. But also it’s not. idk it’s complicated man) I also started up my tumblr again and started following a few Silm blogs. My goal in writing at the time was just to write my own version of my favorite Silm post-canon fics (a genre that had exploded in my time away from fandom), heavily inspired by thearrogantemu, bunn (not @ing them because I do not want anyone to feel compelled to read and remark on this ramble, but I still do genuinely recommend their works if you somehow haven’t encountered them yet) and The Starless Road.

I got the inspiration for Fair They Wrought Us, my Feanorian week series, and What Brings Us Together as I was finishing Evil Ex-Boyfriend’s Club and began writing them as I participated in other event weeks and exchanges. I honestly can’t believe how much I wrote that first year and I think I credit it to a lack of self-consciousness and the drive to get that first mega-burst of inspiration out and into the world.

I don’t know when that really started shifting. Instead of seeing the most popular ideas and thinking ‘how can I put my spin on this,’ I began thinking ‘what am I not seeing and can I write it?’ It was partly because my perspective had changed: the fandom was far from dead, and the works that were inspiring me were different. Now it wasn’t just me yelling into the void, I was yelling with other people in DMs. 

So, by the end of What Brings Us Together I was 1) very stressed about life events (plus the job was always a shit show and was getting worse) and 2) writing from a very different impulse than when I first had the idea. 

Anyway, all that has led to what felt like a very aimless past year in fandom. I thought for sure once I finished WBUT (still *hate* the acronym) I would write other stories in that ‘verse, but all the ideas I had had earlier felt flat and I felt constrained by my earlier choices. I no longer wanted a world where *everyone* was back. Before, I was entranced by the idea that maybe everyone could live happily ever after all, forgiveness was there for everyone, the bittersweetness of the Legendarium could tilt more towards the sweet than the bitter. Now? Not so much. I don’t know – some things are gone forever. There’s more I could say about how the vibe of forgiveness and love has soured, but that’s neither here nor there. And I brought Feanor back in my ‘verse! There’s no way even a mellowed out Feanor isn’t causing chaos, but I’m not particularly interested in writing it. I have something started and a few more ideas, but if I ever write anything longer it might be an AU of my own ‘verse (though not an AU in the classic sense, just another possible 4th age and onward treatment, also WBUT is not an AU thank you very much.)

Anyway, despite the aimless feeling, I hope I put myself in a position to have a better upcoming year both in fandom and otherwise. I left fandom discords that were no longer sparking joy (though I’m on that blessed app more than ever). I spend less time on tumblr, I created a twitter and make great use of mute and blocklisting. I blocked all stats on AO3 and live in blissful ignorance of how my work is received (though sometimes I still click in and get the warm fuzzies from seeing people I know in the kudos list.) Well, kind of. The outcome of that is that comments or the lack thereof stand out more. Oh well! I wish I didn’t care at all but if I was truly just writing for myself, I wouldn’t post it on the internet lol. And I haven’t even touched on The Show! I can’t believe that was just a few months ago. No further comment. 

Next year who knows what will happen? Fandom-wise I’d love to read more, write more, participate in event weeks, maybe start my OWN event week (maybe?!?) but I don’t want to get ahead of myself when I’m still pretty unenthused about… well a lot of things in life and fandom. Anyway, if you made it this far, wow, thanks for reading. I hope you all have a great new year! May it bring at least one new thing to love and feed your imagination!

[potentiallypolyglot]

Career Plans Update

Alright it’s been two weeks since my initial decision to switch careers from sales management to Mandarin to English translator. I’ve gone back and forth a lot and done a good bit more research. This is not a decision I can afford to make emotionally. However, I’m still in favor of making the switch. In fact, my plans have taken a turn for the slightly more extreme.

For one thing, I’ve learned that getting certified by the American Translator’s Association is more of a mid-career achievement, not a ticket into the industry (Something they say explicitly in several articles lol. Common misconception of the uneducated (me)). I’m also aware that I overestimated my ability to pick up the language through self study around my current job. I set my goal to begin my new career approximately 18 months from now, which is definitely not enough time to gain sufficient fluency.

So my new extreme plan is to self-study for the next year or so and then get a position teaching English in China for 1-2 years. I understand that just being there won’t improve my understanding of the language in and of itself. It will take intentional dedication to pursue immersion and apply what I’ve learned. 

I also realize that I’ll need to devote efforts to improving my writing ability in English. I’m a native speaker, but translators are held to a higher standard of writing than just casual blogging in most cases. There’s also the need to understand nuances in creative vs professional writing as well as specialized types of translated documents. Deciding on an area of expertise within translating is something that I’ll wait to do once I gain more knowledge and experience.

Lets talk pros and cons of why I’m deliberating

Cons

- My mom will worry about me - My sister will think that I am abandoning her - I’ll miss out on what my friends do while I’m away - The thought of leaving my current job is a little scary because I don’t want them to think that I’m abandoning or betraying them

Pros

- I’ll get to travel and see the world - My day to day will vary bc of new cultural experiences - My day to day will have consistencies, such as the students and coworkers, and I’ll be able to see my students make progress - I already have some experience solo travelling and loved it (longest adventure was 4 months studying abroad) - It will be a really nice break from the cycle I’ve found my day to day in - It will help me achieve greater fluency and cultural understanding  - So when I return I can start my new career as a Mandarin to English translator - If I don’t do it now (within the next two years), it will likely never happen - I’m coming back anyway so its not forever

Not an exhaustive list but these are top of mind. I’m mostly just publicly journaling here, but if anyone has experience teaching English abroad or being a translator or making a similar decision/move in anyway, feel free to advise. Thanks!

[seaprofound]

life update: [waves hand] hey, everyone. dw, I’m still around. I’m currently in my last regular class and I’m pretty just in hibernation all the while preparing for my capstone project next year. :/

(I had to rent out this software called spss that’s usually used in capstone projects but my professor is hoping that whoever’s in charge can swap it out for a free alternative—it’s a whole thing. thankfully it’s not too hard to use.)

also, like always, I hope that everyone is doing well and that we will all have a merry holiday season !! (speaking of the holiday season, I’m thinking of making a part 2 of my positivity dash meme for the occasion—so, be sure to watch out for that!)

in other news, though, I may or may not be testing out a new muse eventually. I have created a dash-only side-blog for them along with a carrd. the carrd is still a w.i.p. but I hope to have it finished before the new year. (fingers crossed!)

I normally don’t even contemplate adding new muses because I have this weird separation anxiety surrounding po where I’m afraid of abandoning her—that’s the best way I can describe it tbh—because I once went on a hiatus that lasted over a year because of Personal Reasons and I was so worried that I lost her forever but then frozen II came out and that funnily enough gave me muse for her again—but I digress. 😳

unlike times before, though, I feel a bit more confident in my ability to handle more than one muse at a time. even tho I have ideas for my new blorbo, I can still hear po’s voice in my head—which gives me such tremendous relief istg

(multi-muse blogs are still the goat, though—I dunno how you guys do it. I’ve played around with the idea of creating a multi-muse blog in the past—even created a list of muses that I would have—but I just worry that I would neglect my muses in favor of whomever I have the most muse for at the moment, asdfghjkl)

anyways, I hope that you guys will like my new muse as well once they make their debut. they’re as close to my heart as po is, so it would just mean the world if you were to give them a chance. ♡♡ (in the meantime, po has pretty much adopted them and it’s pretty much the most endearing / hilarious thing ever.)

TLDR: I LIVE, BISH / school is hell / BE KIND TO EACH OTHER (I MEAN IT 🔪) / I have a new blorbo !! 💙

[unicornachos]

personal post!

hey hi I’m alive sorry for abandoning my blog for like 1.5 yrs??? I had a bunch of health issues and mental health stuff too :’) 

Like very full on... god what HASN’T happened. 

My body had a weird reaction to the covid vaccines in 2021? I ended up in hospital etc and was sick with mystery fatigue and shit for months and months.... I think I went to hospital like 4-5 throughout 2021? My body seems fine with the MRNA boosters I’ve gotten so maybe something in my body just hated the astrazeneca vaccine?? I’m kinda bitter about it bc of the ambulance bills I had to pay, but still, thank god for vaccines amirite

then, the apartment I was living in and loved got bought by someone who then wanted to move in, so I had to leave the place I loved living to somewhere still nice but way more expenno, and my health issues kinda continued?

then I started a new job

then my mental health got REALLY bad over the 2021/2022 christmas period to the point where I had to call an ambulance for myself bc my mind was in such a bad place. 

Then I started taking SSRI’s for depression/anxiety, but I had this weird reaction to the drugs and we think I had serotonin syndrome because of its interaction with the asthma meds I’ve been taking all my life? But at the time no doctors would listen to me and basically gaslit me into thinking all the pain was just a physical manifestation of my anxiety. Anyway, it caused some of the most horrific pain i’ve ever experienced in my life, in particular nerve and muscle pain in my legs, and I had to shower sitting down for weeks, couldn’t walk much around the house, and needed super strong meds to knock me out so I could sleep. 

I slowly healed and could walk again and do normal stuff for me around... late April?

While I was recovering I stayed with my mum but still paying rent in Sydney bc all my shit was there, so in June I killed my lease, put most of my shit into storage with a friend’s parent’s mini warehouse they use for their business (absolute legends and wholesome humans and I sent them money every month lol) and moved back home.

I started studying a certificate level course I’d been wanting to get over and done with for ages, so at the end of June I started studying.

Then once again mental health got bad, I tried SSRIs again, thinking it was me who was the problem last time I took them. BUT ACTUALLY, NO. Same physical reaction to the meds as last time, if not worse. It wasn’t my brain making shit up, it was an actual fucking drug interaction issue that ppl had tried to tell me was my anxiety and/or imagination!!! Queue horrific pain, weird symptoms, and once again the inability to walk or clean or work from anywhere but the couch.

Dr and I decided any meds that effect my serotonin levels are a no-go probably forever, and so I’ve been looking into CBD oil over the past few months to see if that will work for things instead.

Now I’m about... 2 months from that reaction, and started CBD oil 2 weeks ago (no reaction, side effects, or really anything yet) and can work at my desk as long as I have a big ass XL foot rest under my legs to keep them propped up, because I get nerve pain if I sit normally :’) I still can’t really go anywhere or walk anywhere other than around the house and for super short periods of time.

Also I powered through and finished my course just last week, so that’s out of the way at least! 

Other than that, I’ve just been like. Sleeping, reading, watching shows, napping, sleeping more, trying to eat well.... my job is a bitch but I’m trying rly hard to skill up so I can do more of what I’m interested in! I kind of don’t have energy for much else at the moment??

I have no idea if I’ll post again as regularly as I did a few years back, but I love Tumblr and I always feel glad coming back here and spending time in this place for a bit. These days I mainly only post stuff on my locked private twitter lol. But I have always preferred Tumblr’s longer format and vibes hehe.

ANyway that’s all for now! I hope anyone reading this has been doing ok. These past few years have been fucking tough and if all you have energy for is working and sleeping... you’re valid, dude. 

And if you plan to take SSRIs for your mental health, just be wary of serotonin syndrome!!!! Not enough ppl talk about it and a lot of doctors seem to have no idea it exists or also know little about it, but there are lots of cases of it in settings where ppl have been taking other meds and been given SSRIs! I’m not saying don’t take meds if you need them, but just reaaaallllyyy do your research first if you can about adverse reactions and interactions :’)

[nolanrossblog]

Game Hammers

HELLO! This is the first-ever-world-renowned Game Hammers blog. There are 2 Developers on this week's post, they are hopefully going to be on future blogs as well. The developers of this blog will track their progress in the week and whatever difficulties they encountered. The mission of this blog is to create a good environment for learning and exploring. Nolam This week I was working on a witch game, so I started by creating a new unity project with some cubes. I want to set it up to be a 2.5D sort of space, where you can move left and right but also see the depth of scenes, kinda like Tomba. In this project, I set up some core mechanics like wall jumping, ledge grabbing, moving, regular jumping, and some scaffolding for more complicated things like combat.

Here you can see the little block guy finding his way in life. In my progress towards moving, I thought it would suit the game to add a sliding mechanic for rails. So you can like, slide on rails. For this, I turned to splines - which I would later regret. If you don't know what a spline is: it's a bendy line. Bendy lines are very useful but very complicated as well.

This was an attempt at a homemade spline made with the help of chat GPT. It was very rudimentary and I abandoned it after realizing unity has built-in splines. All of this so that I could make a bendy banister. For about 4 days I farted around and wasted my time with this, realizing that it's probably better to just do an easier straight line anyways. Whoops! After that cr*p, I tried to find a new productive avenue - so I went towards making some art.

The game is about a witch who has to clean a house with her broom, and crossing my vision with Flodo's, I was able to come up with a model of the character, after an interesting attempt.

that attempt ended up having cool hands, but they likely are to forever rot on my hard drive. This attempt, however, was much nicer despite having no fingers to speak of.

The character ended up having a poofy outfit that looks very warm on her - which I like a lot. I did lots of new things making this like faces and hair, and have been trying to improve my topology. Yesterday, my parents left on vacation and I am in charge of my 3 siblings. It's going to be a difficult week ahead - going back to school and stuff - so I'm excited to see what progress I can make in school and with modeling and game design. PS. Grammarly on tumblr is booty.

Spebby Hey there! This is the Spebby section of the weekly Game Hammers Blog. Like my compatriots, Nolam and Flodo, I’ll be rattling on about what I’ve been learning and doing this week of my life. It’s midterm season, and I’ve been hard at work on studying up. My focus has mostly been upon Calculus, with a focus on Parametrics, Polar Graphs and Surface Area of Rotation. I’m feeling pretty good about my study actually, I have a pretty good grasp on Integration and Convergence, and this midterm’s topics are pretty similar, so I think I’ll be all good! While studying Polar Graphs, I came across a pattern I particularly like, which I’ve dubbed “The Lotus”. Not a super original name, but I think it fits. I accidentally stumbled across this one, the function that creates it is 4cos(5θ/13). A render of it can be found below.

Outside of Calculus, what else have I been working on? As a stinky Comp-Sci major, I’ve been working on that. I’m still fresh meat. I very much appreciate my CS professor. He’s quite willing to throw us into the deep and push the limits of what our little brains can think of. I’m pretty brash, so I don’t quite give each assignment the thought I probably should. Learning about in-line assembly arguments and how to effectively use them, proper memory management, creating truly class-agnostic functions and how to write fast and efficient code. I find programming quite fulfilling and therapeutic honestly. Making something run faster and figuring out why something wasn’t working quite how I suspected is always quite the reward.

I’ve unfortunately not had much time to work on programming in the lens of game development. Perhaps Nolam has better time management than I do, he always seems to find time to crank out another prototype. Prototyping is quite the art, I’ve never really had to write something from scratch like that, Flodo or Nolam have always beaten me to the bunch in regards to these sorts of things. At some point it’s on my todo list to get cracking with a prototype. I’ve found it frustrating being limited on what I can feasibly do in a project, but to be honest that’s given me some liberty to get the creative juices flowing and try something wacky within my limitations.

Continuing the theme of academics, outside of my STEM major, I’ve been trying to take some interesting humanities classes. Anthropology has been an interest of mine for awhile, at first I thought only Cultural Anthropology would interest me, but Primatology and other Biological Anthropology subdisciplines have proven to be even more interesting to me. Learning about how odd humans are from an evolutionary perspective, and the adaptations that were taken in order to allow for our unique form of movement or perhaps our ancient ancestors, those of Selam, Toumaï and Platyops. Anthropology is such an interesting subject; If you have the ability, enroll in an Anthropology class, they’re super interesting and can teach you a lot about the world and perhaps change your worldview. 

I could go on and on, but I feel it’s best to bring this entry to a close. Be catching you next week. Perhaps we could have a longer chat, no?

[spynorth]

OKAY, SO I DON’T KNOW A THING ABOUT SPOOKS. And, honestly, I have no intention of watching it despite having dropped Farah smack dab in the middle of it oops. But I love the fact that you’ve taken your name twin and have dedicated this blog to correcting everything that the writers (and RA) did wrong with him. You’ve made me interested in a character that I wouldn’t have normally given a fuck about. And I love it and you SO MUCH. 🥰

I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT THIS WAS FOR BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I was really doing my best to save it and answer it when I had the brain power to form words but apparently that gift has abandoned me. So even though I know I'm not gonna do near enough justice to how I feel about you and your blogs and your overall presence in my life, I'm gonna try. I have the memory of a clownfish and I legitimately don't remember when you first made your appearance in my tumblr escapades but I know it was legitimately forever ago. At least five?? years ?? I think ?? four?? it's been forever and I've loved every minute of it. I can't imagine any of my muses without at least one of your muses present in their lives. the boss energy of cora and hook has always been a fave, will always be a fave. I'm always so thankful for you and everyone else who just let me rant nonstop about how much I hate characters and then write them. This was supposed to be a get it out of my system blog where i ran on nothing but fandom spite and here i am ... haha jokes on me... and it's all thanks to people like you who write crazy things with me and just combine characters together to form these crazy new alternate universes/crossover things where no one really knows what exactly is happening but we're all doing it anyways. I love that for us.

anyways, krystal, i just really love u and I'm so thankful for you and grateful to know you. Thanks for always enabling me. I would be lost without you on my dashboard and I'm so glad you've found muses to inspire your love for writing once again.

[abloomntime]

Important Plz Read

If this is your first time to this page I welcome you. Please read the rules below before asking anything. Masterlist of works will be underneath.

RULES

-I will not accept nsfw/personal asks. All asks like that will be deleted and blocked.

-I’ll post what I like when I feel like it, please be patient if waiting for content. Sometimes irl stuff happens and it takes time to make content.

-Will not accept controversial/gore/nsfw/sensitive topics and such other asks.

-Please be a kind person.

-Unfortunately I don’t do commissions or requests

-Reblogs, Comments, and Likes are greatly appreciated!! Your support helps to promote my works!

-If you’re a nsfw bot you’ll be blocked. Nsfw blogs pls don’t follow.

A BLOOM IN TIME SERIES

An au based around the accidental revival of The Florist through the power of the time pieces in Snatcher’s failed attempt to rewind Vanessa into nothing but dust. Shenanigans ensue between his failed attempts to reconnect with her and balance the sass coming from his kids- I mean those brats!

🎩

Book 1: A Bloom In Time-  A non-beating heart is a bad thing to most, but not a bad thing if you were already dead and didn't need anything like that of course. Snatcher is a complicated spook that already has everything he wants now and with two little kids constantly playing in his woods and asking him to join, he has more than enough of this mushy love anyways. But when a familiar face and secret pops up, it may prove that the beating of love may still come from beyond the grave.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23553421

(Book Status: Completed.)

Book 2: Blooming Friendships-  Wonder how two children gained access to the entire Subcon Forest? Or perhaps how a Witch met two kooky ghosts? Or maybe how lost children gained a family? Find out in this prequal of A Bloom In Time.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35393011

(Book Status: Completed.)

Book 3: Three Kiddos And A Ghost-  Or Snatcher decides to adopt and add to his menagerie of a family after realizing a certain blonde haired caped crusader isn't too much different from himself.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41529378

(Book Status: Completed.)

Book 4: Love Is For Bloomin’ Pecknecks!- (A side story of A Bloom In Time)  How could someone so sour fall for someone so sweet? Or is this all just a bittersweet punishment for an old Peckneck like himself? 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40107801

(Book Status: Completed.)

Book 5: That Bloomin' Curse-He finally had everything he wanted. A family, a loving spouse, and a whole kingdom to himself. However he seemed to forever be cursed by his ex. It doesn't help that Hazelle seemed to be captured by the crazy ice hag and Moonjumper seems to be going through emotions he never knew he had. Why does there seem to be a blooming curse in his life?!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50781496

(Book Status: Completed.)

🎩

A Hat In Time Events 

🎩

Snatcher Week- Speaks for itself but it contains some AU lore for A Bloom In Time following the prompts provided.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41601924

(Book Status: Completed.)

Kiddo Week-  Been wanting to do this for a while since it'll help me expand on the kiddos in the Bloomverse more. So it won't just be about Hattie or Bow but Mustache Girl and Timmy for a couple as well! Enjoy the lore!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40266495

(Book Status: Completed.)

🎩

ANNOUNCEMENT

I'm moving. Don't worry I'm not abandoning this blog and will still post my A Hat In Time stuff here but most of my time and works will be on my other blog linked below. So if you want to see more from me look there.

[redpandajournal]

Detached

What had happened in between these years was wild to say the least. 

Anyway in short is : there were so many shifts happened. Probably mistakes but wasn’t entirely mistakes that I regret.

I don’t know if there are actually anyone reading this thing / even know who i am as a person, except for some people i know lol

I conclude that this space is actually for future me to remember what i experienced before i'm leaving earth.

2 years ago, one of my very-close 2 best friends died. And I didn’t know that it was a pivotal moment for me to went a little bit insane. Her death shifted something inside me that made me unable to connect emotionally with a person or anything the same. I can cut anything off , i feel like i have lost a home or perhaps a purpose.

I still use line to contact my friends who are currently in JP, i want to uninstall this app because no one i knew use this thing anymore except from him but i can’t because this messaging app is where i had all the memories of her 

she also had the audacity to put this goddamn banner on. i might be indeed a bucin bodoh -guilty as charged lmaooo ,but she unleashed a curse upon us to be bucin bodohs while it’s actually her , shes the number one dumbass who made lunch daily for her bf AND ALSO PERSONALLY get the stupid lunch to his office.

now i cant delete this thing as long as i live! and i have to use this phone forever

i’m going to beat her ass in hell

Recently i also learned that I can likely die anytime, i might as well go crazy hahahahhaha.  I will try to not immediately ‘die’ tho , because i don’t want to leave him out just yet. She already left us and my other best friend is much more mentally unstable than i am. Both of us are steadily tortured ,because she’ll show up in our dreams every 2 weeks or so. 

And it was horrible, yet i’m always waiting for her to come. She’s always ‘alive’ in my dreams.

It was always as if we were still in school. I have recordings about my encounter with her. I always knew that she already died, and in every end of the dream she always left us. I have this strong feeling that one of these days I might go with her. 

I’m starting to look at the relics of my life.  I mean i do this journaling thing from probably since i could write/read. And then i started digging from the things i wrote when i was 10-15. My older brain decided that this girl is borderline insane / schizophrenic ,if i could go back in time i might have just shotgunned her  and watched myself disappear in particles. I’ll compile excerpts of dreams/ intrusive thoughts she had in this place because while it was embarrassing it was also very interesting. 

I think everyone i knew who maintained a blog since they were kids has some kind of brain damage and i got mine confirmed.

At some point of these years i also juggled 3 jobs (?) , i kinda knew what i was doing but i think i fried my brain (lol the ml engineering job and family business ) too much happening, but some notables:

My mom hooked me up with her friend’s son to marry 

-took a job from another city and moved out discreetly to run away. (failed but not rly)

I took sabbaticals after to repair my fried brain by taking in ez manageable jobs but none of these are notable/pivotal. I did great enough to not go insane

lost braces and had most teeth painfully repaired , thank god it’s salvageable

We have a cat now, reason to live +1

left ‘that’ community and dissolved the cells we built /currently in

encountered a golden retriever

a girl confessed to me but too bad 

powapowa died , wowaka died, treow abandoned electrocutica, hachi emerged as kenshi yonezu and he sounds totally different 

teto graduated into synthv

[archibaldcurothers]

Take the Long Way Home, Part Seven

—————————————-

“I spy something…green!”

You chuckled, this was too easy. “Is it Jaken?”

“There are many green things,” Jaken protested, “why do you assume she refers to me and not the grass or trees or-“

“But she was right; it’s you, Master Jaken!” Rin happily announced.

The small demon was about to protest further but Lord Sesshomaru had halted and Jaken collided into the back of his leg.

“P-Pardon, my Lord!”

Sesshomaru ignored him. “Inuyasha is near.”

“Oh! do you wish to confront him, my Lord? He would surely benefit from a humbling altercation with yourself; he is far too arrogant for his own good. It would do him well to be reminded he is but a half-demon!”

You waited anxiously for Sesshomaru’s decision. If he decided to intercept his brother then perhaps you could speak to Kagome about crossing back to your own time. It might be tricky to do with the two brothers quarreling, but it could be your only chance.

“No. I have no business with him at present.”

“Um, excuse me, my lord…”

Sesshomaru turned his head to glance back at you, waiting for you to continue.

“I know you don’t have reason to go, but do you think, perhaps, we might go pay a visit so that I may speak to Kagome?”

Sesshomaru glared at you for a moment as Jaken gaped at your insolence, but before the steward could chastise you, his lordship spoke, “I said I had no business with him.”

You had been in his company long enough to know this was his restrained way of telling you to drop the subject, but, in desperation, you pressed further. “Please, Lord Sesshomaru, Kagome is likely the only one to know how I might-“

At this, Sesshomaru turned to face you fully, and snapped, “If you’re so concerned with meeting that woman then go find them yourself.”

You recoiled. "I’m sorry, I just-“

“You’re not needed here anyway,” he snarled. “Just leave. Go back to your own time.” At this, he turned from you and stormed off.

Jaken and Rin stood in stunned silence, looking from Sesshomaru to yourself, unsure of what to do. Even Ah-Un had instinctively taken a few steps back at the venomous outburst. Sesshomaru had never spoken to you like that before. He had always been a man of few words, but the words he had shared with you before had never felt hateful. Your throat constricted and you could feel your face getting hot; Rin and Jaken’s anxious glances your way did nothing to ease your nerves. They’d been put in an awkward spot, and it was your fault. They couldn’t defy Sesshomaru, but you knew they pitied you and were hesitant to turn and leave. Feeling bad enough at the position you’d put them in, you decided to spare them of having to make the choice to abandon you. You looked to them for a moment, gave them a pained smile, and slinked away.

*************************************

Night had fallen at last. The remainder of the day had been spent walking in a tense silence. Now and then, Rin had let a whimper escape, but she had done her best to limit her outward emotion. Now they rested by the fire Jaken conjured with the enchanted staff, the two disciples leaned against Ah-Un as they ruminated over the happenings.

Sesshomaru was not with them. After dictating they rest there for the evening, he had slipped away, and none were confident enough to chase after him. This was a small blessing for him. He didn’t want their concerned looks; didn’t need their apprehensive eyes boring into him with that hounding question: “why were you so cruel to her”.

He stood on an outcropping, looking out at the night sky. He remembered her telling Rin that, in her time, there were humans who dedicated their lives to these celestial bodies. An aching pain swelled in his chest, and he winced. Those humans of her time, they had travelled through the stars and arrived at the moon, but they needed only look to the sky to see their destination. (Y/N) hadn’t known where Inuyasha’s group was, nor did she possess Sesshomaru’s keen sense of smell to be able to track them. She would not have found them. She would be lost and alone, with no one there to defend her against the cruelties and dangers of the world.

He wrestled with this reality; it was none of his concern what became of her, and yet he could not put the thought from his mind, could not snuff out the worry that plagued him, could not silence the shame he felt…

******************************

You hadn't anticipated the terror you would experience upon being alone at night, though, to be fair, you hadn't had time to consider the repercussions of your decision to go it alone. You no longer had the security of companions. No longer could rest your weary feet by riding atop Ah-Un. No longer had the the protection of Sesshomaru.

You stopped next to a large oak tree. You could feel panic swelling inside yourself, threatening to split you apart. The world swirled around you, it felt like you were dying. In desperation you crouched down and rested your head on your knees as you tried to keep your breathing steady.

In...out...in...out

After a minute of this you stabilized slightly and raised your head, but then you felt the cold drop off water splash against the bridge of your nose. Rain. As if things couldn't get worse.

You were incapable of gathering the energy to do anything more, it felt useless to even try. In exhaustion, you collapsed back against the trunk of the oak. At least nothing could sneak up on you with the large tree behind you. Its foliage partially shielded you from the storm brewing, but, between the wind and the droplets that did reach you, a shiver coursed through you.

A crack of thunder broke out, sounding as though it had discharged right by your ear. Panic raced once more through you. You could no longer contain it. You collapsed into yourself, weeping; you would die here.

*******************************

It hadn’t taken Sesshomaru long to trace his way back and follow (Y/N)’s scent. He soon found her huddled and whimpering under a large oak. He observed for a few moments, hidden from sight by the flora of the forest and the shadows of night. He had expected to find her and bring her back. Simple. However, confronted with the raw emotion of her dejected spirit, he found himself rooted to his spot. What should he say? Would she even want to go back with him? Would she demand he escort her to Kagome so that she could leave this world forever? The thought pained him, but he mentally chastised himself for it. What was it to him what this woman chose to do? Sure, he had become accustomed to her and so had wanted to insure she was safe, but he hadn’t really cared that she was gone…

He wondered what story she might have been telling Rin this evening if he hadn’t lashed out at her. She did well with the girl.

He stepped from his covering and approached (Y/N), halting just in front of her. He gazed down and observed as her shoulders trembled, her crying muffled from her face being buried into her knees. She hadn't heard him approach. Between her own lamentations, the rumbling thunder, and howls of the wind, she had heard nothing.

"(Y/N)."

Her crying sputtered to a stop, and for a moment she did not move. Hesitantly, she lifted her head and met his gaze. They stayed like that, eyes locked, neither moving, until Sesshomaru abruptly offered his hand.

"Come. You are missed."

************************************

You stared at his hand for a second, in shock, until the realization you were being offered salvation dawned on you. You eagerly took his hand, and he pulled you up. However, he didn't seem to know his own strength and as you were brought to your feet the momentum caused you to stumble forward into him. You were pressed against his chest with his cold plate of armor digging into you uncomfortably, while his kimono radiated with the heat from his body and his fur stole tickled at your cheek. Your mind froze and so did your body; the scent of rain and wet earth clung to him, and the musky aroma quickened your heart. Glancing up at him, you saw him peering down at you.

You had expected him to look cross about you colliding into him, but instead his face looked almost gentle as he asked, “Are you alright?”

At the realization you were still pressed against him, you hastily stepped back and averted your eyes as you replied, “Yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I-”. The fur he kept round his shoulder was being draped around your neck.

“We should get going. That is, if you want to…”

The uncertainty in his voice was so unfamiliar. He was always self-assured, never questioning himself. And yet, here he was before you, a mere human, testing the water to see if you might acquiesce to his request. Never before had he been so vulnerable with you.

“Yes, I’d like that, my lord.”

*

*

*

*

Tag list: @fierysins @blck-bmbi @berryblossum @neeadinghugs @sailor-earth-1 @thefandomzoneisdangerous @afuckingunicornn @grace-writes-shit @rememberourlastkiss @morphituu @samanthaa-leanne @probablyzombiedinosaurs @blacklotussai @poemfreak306 @moonchild2190 @ohjammers @crispygummy @bottled-poet @seohee-hwa @themarblefox09 @dottie-witch @soshitan @nellaphine @skrilltia @florssils @katherine12123-blog-blog @reignofglitter @katialvi @ameonna97 @velveteencurls @jessicarosequinzelfleck @zoilalove213 @scorpios-unite @maixx @lysawayne @tanyeonn @radicalcannoliqueen @viktorian-horror-story @motheraiya

[seong-star-hwars]

An Analysis of TXT’s minisode 2: Thursday’s Child

First of all, I totally called this at their MAMA 2021 performance. A very niche, youthful concept, as usual. “Thursday’s child” was taken from a nursery rhyme and the full line is “Thursday’s child has far to go.” This may have something to do with the fact that MOA was named on a Thursday (Aug 22, 2019). Anyway, that’s all for another time.

I haven’t written a review (analysis, now that I look at it) on this blog before, but I just had to for this album.

Opening Sequence

Starting off with the first track, Opening Sequence.

Comparing the breakup of a young relationship to the opening sequence of a movie, the lyrics tell a story of pain, regret, and longing. The opening sequence of the movie keeps playing on in the mind of the person, wishing they could have had more in the relationship.

I can see you in my memory Dance with me, dance with me, dance with me Take one more chance on me, chance on me, chance on me I'm bleeding painfully, painfully, painfully You in the faded film, your gaze that erased me

The repetition of lyrics in the chorus works wonderfully to tell the feelings of being trapped in repeating memories. Not only was the initial breakup painful, but the memories he has to go through over and over make it worse.

This was one of my favorites on the album. From the intro to the first verse with Taehyun’s vocals to the illusion of a waltz in 4/4 time in the chorus, it made me want to cry, damn it.

Good Boy Gone Bad

Now we have the title track, Good Boy Gone Bad.

Back when I first started stanning TXT, before they went emo, I said jokingly, “They’re like the Fall Out Boy of K-Pop with their long-ass song titles.” Then they came out with 0X1=LOVESONG and LO$ER=LO♡ER with their new punk pop sound, abandoning the cute, happy, pastel-wearing concept for a grittier, darker feel. Did I expect it? Absolutely not. But did I love it? Dude, I loved it so much. I’ve always loved punk and emo sounds, one of my enduring favorite bands being Fall Out Boy. TXT’s new sound was amazing. 0X1=LOVESONG is one of my favorite songs right now, if not the favorite.

To me, this track is essentially the “Look What You Made Me Do” of TXT. This is their Reputation era. Gone are the cute, happy, pastel-wearing boys. They trade pink sweaters and cowboy hats for black suits reminiscent of My Chemical Romance’s music videos in the 2000s and leather jackets. In CROWN they danced in a multi-colored abstract setting, in Blue Hour they were at a carnival on a magic island. Now they’re dancing in a graveyard and getting in trouble in various ways.

Put that nail in the coffin over the word forever You completely changed me when I was fragile I spent hours in front of the mirror wanting to become you Scratching my face, swallowing my heart

Look at those lyrics. If that isn’t emo I don’t know what else is. And it just gets more emo from there. Like damn, who hurt these boys? Seriously I wanna know. They can catch these hands.

In between the chorus and the verses, the pre-chorus and the bridge have a break between the anger and angst, giving us beautiful a glimpse of the sadness and broken hearts behind the black clothes and the guitar riffs.

Trust Fund Baby

At first this confused me. Usually, “trust fund baby” is a term with negative connotation about a young adult from a rich family who doesn’t need to have a job to be wealthy and happy. I thought this track would have been criticizing other people, but no it’s way more sad.

The shining spoon to me is someone else's story Someone that already have their dreams There's no "game over" in their lives

In Korea, there is something called the “spoon theory” which is about how one’s parents’ social class determines their own. The highest and wealthiest is the golden spoon, then silver spoon, then bronze, and then dirt (source). One of the biggest societal problems in South Korea is poverty and class, as seen in popular media such as Squid Game or Parasite.

Now knowing this, it’s easier to understand the first lyrics of the song. They don’t have that shining, golden or silver spoon. Comparing love to class and financial struggles, they want security in love like the trust fund babies have security in wealth and success.

It’s a song about acceptance of hopelessness, referencing multiple times their previous title track, LO$ER=LO♡ER. Did I tear up a little while reading the English translation? Yeah, a little bit.

Lonely Boy (The tattoo on my ring finger)

Finally! We come to our first unit song of the album with Yeonjun and Huening Kai! 

Yet another song of heartbreak, the lyrics tell of boy who has fallen so in love with a girl that they both get matching ring finger tattoos in place of promise rings. Of course, they both break that promise, leaving the boy lonely again, which he’s used to. But because of the tattoo on his ring finger, he can’t completely forget her like he wants to. The lyrics also compare the tattoo with things she’s said. Like the needle with the ink created the tattoo, her words stabbed his heart so much that he can’t get rid of the damage she caused.

I hate it, now I don't need it Your traces that won't heal Standing here alone Lonely boy stayin' lonely She ain't my one and only, one and only

While the pre-chorus changes throughout the song, the chorus remains the same, ending with the heavily repeated phrase, “She ain’t my one and only.” He keeps having to remind himself that he doesn’t need to keep holding onto her, that there’s probably someone else out there for him. But he’s scarred, tattooed by the harm she caused him. He’s been lonely ever since she left. He can’t see that changing any time soon.

Thursday’s Child Has Far To Go

And finally to the last track and the second unit song of the album, we have Thursday’s Child with Soobin, Beomgyu, and Taehyun. 

While the other tracks in this album have a sense of being stuck and lonely and sad, Thursday’s Child has a glimmer of hope in it. An instrumental reminiscent of 80′s synth and punk influences, it’s more upbeat than its predecessors on the album. It’s based around the nursery rhyme I mentioned at the beginning of this review (link for the full rhyme), with the line “Thursday’s child has far to go” as the title and main theme of this story.

While most of the children’s rhyme has more clear meanings, the Thursday’s child line is open to interpretation. Things could go badly or well, as is with most things in life. But no matter what, for Thursday’s child, it will be a long journey, whether the outcome be good or bad. However, even if there’s a chance of failure and heartache, the boys display optimism or realism after a pattern of endless depression in the album.

In a world where much is determined by internet culture, they see a trend of #breakup and adding “glowup” next to it. Just because they broke up with a lover doesn’t mean that sadness is the only outcome. They can improve themselves, learn to be happier, and move on.

It's going to be tougher than it's been Unpredictable our life It's a lot farther than I've come I'm looking forward to the wonderful days

The last lyrics of the bridge are some of my favorites. They can see that the darkness will pass. They have faith that this isn’t the end. There is still a long story to be told, and an unknown ending. There’s hope beyond the present.

As usual with TXT’s releases, I loved this one. The lyrics so wonderfully capture the heartbreak of a young adult, the anger and sadness that follows, and eventually shine light on the hope they have for the future. Paired with a dark concept with deep shadows and night scenery, the album’s sound continues their journey through youth into adulthood, seeing the harsh realities of lost love and then the life that comes after it. 

TXT has a concept that at its core doesn’t change. They still represent youth. But the outside has evolved, as one’s youth does. As they grow older and wiser through their careers, their music and performance grow with them. They wear darker clothes, have sexier choreography, and more mature lyrics, as one would expect from young men, all while still keeping their youthfulness about them.

We don’t know where the story goes next. Since we know it’ll be a long one, I can’t wait to see more albums and singles from this group. We’ve seen them grow from naïve, joyful boys into angry, hurt young men. Where will their journey take them next? I don’t know, but I can’t wait to see more from them.

[oh-boy-me]

I just read both the australia and museum post and the chaos levels are top tier, but like imagine the chaos that ensues if lord diavolo discovers about amusment parks and immediately just buys tickets to disneyland. Lucifer is basically the dad trying not to loose his children(lord diavolo included). Lord diavolo wanting to ride a loopy rollercoaster and just having the time of his life! (Also I highkey see diavolo ordering lucifer to make a disneyland in devildom tbh) Also mouse ear headbands!

This..... this took forever

Hey there anon!  Sorry it took literally a year to answer this!  If you’re still into Obey Me, I hope this was a pleasant surprise.

Also for the first time ever a scenario post is being put under the cut for length purposes.  This scenario is 2.6k words Jesus

Please note that the last time I went to Disney was in 2015, so anything that’s newer than that is taken from the extensive reading of Disney advice blogs I read in preparation for this post.  Anything older than that is likely from experience.

Also, I tried my best to keep this spoiler free for the attractions that can be affected by it.

--

So the Devildom DOES have the concept of amusement parks.  I slept on this ask for so long that we’ve learned about Devil’s Coast.  It seems to be more akin to a smaller-scale theme park, though.  Small-ish.  I’m used to NYC idk what constitutes as small.

Something like Disney World is on such a larger scale!!  When Diavolo heard about that, he knew they had to go.

They are going to Disney World in Orlando because it’s the only one I’ve been to.

Lucifer is REALLY getting tired of these field trips, but there would be no weird animals, and there would be no sobering lessons on global extinction events at a family-friendly amusement park.  He.  He can handle this.

Solomon has actually been banned from all Walt Disney theme parks.  We’re talking blacklist-level banned.  He’s barred from ever entering any Disney park ever again.  However, this was back in 1976, so this must be, like, his son or something, right?  There’s no way this is the same guy.  Thought the security guard who let him in.

What did Solomon do to get banned?  When asked, he only gave a curious hum.  “Yeah, I wonder.”

The place is split into four parks, so they’ll spend one day in each.

Barbatos continued to flex his power as the only one in the group with a brain cell, being sure to get them all fast passes.  He even set time back just for the passes while they were booking the rides they wanted to cut the lines for, so if they don’t get used he’s going to be very snippy.

Also for convenience sake this is taking place in an AU where everything is the same but COVID doesn’t exist to shut down some rides and attractions.

Day 1: Hollywood Studios

MC and Simeon basically have to coerce Lucifer into letting everyone run free instead of making them all line up with a walking rope all day.  He relents on the condition that everyone checks in periodically so he can at least know they haven’t killed anyone.

Nobody will check in except for maybe Beelzebub and those at Purgatory Hall.

Levi immediately gathered his fellow Star Wars fans (which basically meant calling over Mammon Belphie and Asmo and then pulling in two unsuspecting people suddenly given the title of “Star Wars fan”), and made a beeline for Galaxy’s Edge.  There’s a LOT to do there and damn it if he wasn’t going to hit all of it.

First up for their group is the interactive Millennium Falcon Smuggler’s Run.  They fail the mission.  Levi’s pretty pissed, but everyone agrees that it was fun nonetheless.  They really felt like they were doing a mission in the Falcon!  Plus, the gameplay element was totally up the alley of most of this group.  Simeon does feel a little nauseous from Luke’s jerky steering, though.

Did you know that Diavolo loves Toy Story?  He does.  He’s very much enjoying the Slinky roller coaster with Barbatos.

Barbatos would rather be spending time at the shows and performances, but oh no god forbid we don’t get an autograph from Doc McStuffins.  Lucifer please come find him and save him.

Lucifer somehow wandered into the Frozen Sing-Along Celebration.  He wants out.  Barbatos please come find him and save him.

In general, Lucifer isn’t a fan of these sorts of places, so honestly he’s just hiding from the others and waiting for today to be over.  Barbatos told him that there are parks that don’t revolve around rides and characters, and he’s holding out for those.

Luckily for them Diavolo wants to do LITERALLY everything, and that does include the shows, so Barbatos and Lucifer can have at least some fun today

Levi, Asmo, and Beel are about to start their relay for getting character autographs when Satan shows up out of nowhere and starts dragging everyone over to the Tower of Terror.  Solomon bars all attempts to flee on a certain Avatar of Greed’s side.

The line to the Tower is so long, and honestly?  Satan feels like the ride didn’t live up to the literal hour they waited to get on.  Like yeah it was fun, but way too short.

He voices those thoughts, and Levi, who Satan knows is afraid of heights, is pretty fucking livid and drags him to Rock n Rollercoaster as revenge.  Satan hates roller coasters.

As for the others, Asmo and Luke have a lot of fun on the thrill rides.  Mammon and Simeon do not.  Beel is a little spooked by them but still manages to have fun, while Belphie and Solomon think they’re alright.

Eventually, Simeon gets too sick to move, and they assign him to Luke.  They say it’s because he’s too short to ride some of the rides (even though he’s literally not, screw you guys.)

Barbatos messes with time a lil bit so they can enjoy the Fantasmic Show and Fireworks to wrap the day up.

Levi is very jealous of Diavolo’s Doc McStuffins autograph.  Somehow Asmo has Buzz Lightyear’s number.

Day 2: Animal Kingdom

Satan is vibrating

He literally instantly sprints to the Kilimanjaro Safari.  And good for him; that’s something best done while the sun isn’t high up.  The whole gang actually agrees to check that one out, and while Satan isn’t thrilled to be within 50 feet of Lucifer, he’s glad Simeon is there because he remembers how his presence lured animals out in Australia.

Simeon also finds himself pulled along the trails by Satan and parents watch in horror as a gorilla gives him a friendly pat on the back.

If you didn’t know, Animal Kingdom is divided into the two continents of Asia and Africa, as well as the secret eighth continent Avatar (2009).  Diavolo heard great things about the Flight of Passage ride, but he totally forgot to tell Barbatos about it, so they’re stuck on a three hour wait line now.

Levi takes Luke on the Everest roller coaster because Simeon saw it in the distance and looked like he was about to cry.  Levi wouldn’t shut up about how the yeti effect needs to be fixed and Solomon had to explain that the effect literally couldn’t support itself.

Simeon, having escaped a roller coaster for the first and only time on this trip, grabs lunch with Lucifer and Solomon and they enjoy the Lion King performance together.  Solomon’s the only one of them who’s seen the movie, but the others still found it fun.  Solomon keeps making up random plot points that don’t exist, though.  Remember when Simba was captured by pirates?

Mammon found the Bugs Life show very scary.  Normally Asmo would laugh at him, but he’s afraid of any bug he’s never seen before and at least Mammon was afraid of the things that were supposed to get you.  They agree that bugs are still not their friends.

Satan has many things to say about the Dinosaur ride and most of them aren’t good.  Belphie thought it was pretty ok, though.  Lucifer can’t believe there was a sobering lesson on a global extinction event at this family-friendly amusement park.

Diavolo is still in line.  Barbatos abandons him.  He accompanies Luke to the kiddie fossil thing and actually finds it more tolerable.  Oh yeah that’s the other secret ninth continent, Dinoland.

Beel and Belphie spend most of the day together at the various petting zoos.  Belphie comes back knowing more than he ever wanted to about conservation.  He thought Rafiki’s Planet Watch was going to be about watching other planets, not this one!

Asmo gets very interested in the costumes of the performers, as well as the parrots in the bird show.  He could probably make some really colorful designs with those as inspiration.

Nearby, Mammon runs into Kevin and squawks in surprise.  The zoo staff spend the next two hours trying to find the bird that escaped.

Diavolo says the ride was worth it, don’t worry.

Honestly this park has a lot of stuff that wouldn’t translate well to a funny scenario post so this part might be a little short compared to the others.  I can only talk about a zoo for so long.

Anyone remember the Honey I Shrunk the Kids 4D show?  Apparently it closed in 2016 to make room for more Star Wars stuff.

Anyway, at the center of it all there’s the Tree of Life, which is really pretty all day.  Lucifer is thrilled to have a decently obvious meet-up place, too.  They get to catch the brief awakening show at night.

They’re very bummed to learn the Rivers of Light show isn’t happening anymore, so Levi pulls it up on his phone so they can watch it in spirit.

Then Satan learns about the Wilderness Explorers badges and the others spend the rest of the time preventing too much collateral damage over the fact that nobody told him.

Day 3: Epcot

Finally, Lucifer thinks.  Boo, Luke thinks.

Beel didn’t expect this park to be that interesting to him (he’s much more into the wonder and immersion of Hollywood Studios and Magic Kingdom), but then he learned about the restaurants.  China, Norway, France, Mexico, Germany, Morocco, Italy, Japan, Canada--Canada?  Huh.  Canada.  There’s so many different restaurants from so many cuisines to try, and yeah he knows that it’s definitely not the same as going to the place and it’s overpriced (sorry Lucifer), but it’s all right there.  He makes certain to take MC on a deluxe Epcot restaurant tour.

Oh yeah MC.  That’s the first time we’ve heard from them in a while.  They’re doing whatever you want them to I guess.

Levi buys so much from the Japanese gift shops that he has to go back to the hotel for a bit to drop his bags off.

Satan and Diavolo aren’t much better, but their stashes are more varied.

Also, Diavolo found Mouse Gear, and bought everyone a pair of ears.  Lucifer says that everyone has to keep them on because it’s what Lord Diavolo wants, but he is by far the most upset about them.  Mammon snaps a picture and Lucifer throws his DDD into the lake.

Asmo and Belphie decide they’re gonna take it easy this day, and they nab Solomon and Barbatos for some exhibition hopping.

Luke finds Mission Space and please father no Simeon thought he was safe he thought he was safe here no please

Aside from that, though, Luke honestly finds this part of the park boring.  He’d have been more interested in these attractions elsewhere, but as a kid he’s in Disney for roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.

Simeon is very grateful that Luke doesn’t have much that he wants to do, because it means that he can enjoy the Gran Fiesta and Living with the Land boat rides and have a single moment where he doesn’t feel like he’s about to be sick.  He’s not even afraid of the rides; he just gets motion sick easily.

Asmo makes sure to see the Chinese acrobat show, and Mammon catches that with the show-hopping gang since there isn’t much he wants to do here either.

Epcot has alcohol and Solomon hasn’t been able to drink in ages so he really wants to spend some time doing that with MC.  No demons allowed, thank you very much.  He doesn’t hold his liquor as well as he’d like you to believe, but he just gets really talkative when drunk so it’s ok.

Epcot is a nice day to take a breather and Lucifer and Barbatos definitely needed a breather before tomorrow.

Day 4: Magic Kingdom

This is the day Diavolo has been waiting for.  The crème de la crop, the best park for kids and kids in a future king of the Devildom’s body.

Also I feel like now is a good time to mention that this probably isn’t a reasonable order of events because I don’t remember the map layout of these places idk Disney city planning

This time.  This time, Levi, Asmo and Beel are gonna get those autographs, dammit.  Levi doesn’t even know who half of these characters are but hell if he’s not getting their autograph.

Mammon actually really loves the mascots too, but he’s embarrassed about it so he’ll only try to get one if he can use the guise of MC wanting one.  MC, please help him out

Belphie isn’t big on rides, but he does have a soft spot for the more retro ones like Dumbo and Seven Dwarves.  And like I said before, Beel loves Magic Kingdom for its wonder.  So Belphie is perfectly happy being led (read: piggybacked) around by Beel today, because their favorite attractions match up pretty well here.

Actually, Beel’s favorite Disney movie is Lilo and Stitch, but.  RIP Stitch’s Great Escape ride 2004-2018

Diavolo and Lucifer take a moment to enjoy the Carousel of Progress, and they reflect on how much the Human World is always changing and how much about it they still don’t know.  It really does make them think, like.�� Grandma found the VR games at Christmas!  The Devildom doesn’t have grandmas!

Mammon is terrified of the Haunted Mansion ride, and Satan has literally never felt so much schadenfreude in his life.

Mammon’s afraid of most rides to be fair, but he likes water rides, so Levi eventually takes pity on him and they go on Splash Mountain together more than once.

The Peter Pan ride broke down

Luke wanted to go on Space Mountain and Simeon was the only one around, so.  RIP Simeon ????-2021

Diavolo was That Guy.  If you know, you know.

Beel accidentally spun the teacups way too fast.  Not even Solomon got out of that one unscathed.

Following that, Solomon manages to drag Barbatos onto the Jungle Cruise while Lucifer is busy.  What is Lucifer busy with?  Riding the Buzz Lightyear shooting ride over and over until he hits every single target and gets a perfect score at a Disney ride, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.  Anyway, Barbatos finds it really charming and Solomon finds it a nice break that he didn’t know he needed.

While looking for a food place that sells water for a reasonable price, a kid runs up to Asmo asking for a picture and autograph.  He’s kind of confused, but goes along with it to make the kid happy.

Turns out, Asmo’s so naturally charming that they mistook him for a prince.  Other groups see that family and follow suit.  Mammon eventually catches wind of it and shows up to charge a fee.  The parents are pretty sure Disney doesn’t charge fees like that, but their kids really want a pic with Asmo so they hand over the two bucks.  (“Oh it’s so low” come on Mammon’s not a dick to children.)

And that’s the story of how Mammon and Asmo ended up in Disney Jail.  You’re very much not allowed to pretend to be a cast member and then charge money for it.  Lucifer has to bail them out as their “guardian,” and as punishment they aren’t allowed to opt out of It’s a Small World.

Small World isn’t that bad imho, and those like Diavolo, Satan, Simeon, and Levi would like it a lot.  But Lucifer has been playing parent all day, Belphie does not like the noise, and Solomon has literally been on this ride at least fifty times.  Very mixed feelings on this one, but it feels fitting to end with that and a fireworks show.

All in all though this wasn’t the worst trip Lucifer’s been on (cue everyone applauding for some reason).

Barbatos by far had the least fun of them all because for four days he was stuck in a park where the mascot is a fucking rodent and he wasn’t allowed to annihilate Mickey Mouse where he stood

“Disneyland Devildom when” “Lord Diavolo, no”

Masterlist

[kiirokero]

Outro: Love is Not Over (7)

Pairing: Daycare Teacher! Hoseok x Single Mom! Reader.

Genre: Single Parent! AU, Teacher! AU, Hybrid! AU, Fluff, Angst, Adorable Kids,

Warnings: Family issues, mentions of adoption, mentions of abandonment, mentions of anger issues, some nasty words are said, self-doubt, I think that’s it (?)

Word Count: 1.8k

Note: Ah, I’m sorry for the angst. But it’ll get better! Soon :(

Summary: Years after a relationship goes south. You are the single mother of a beautiful 6-year-old golden retriever hybrid who you named Yunho. He is the light of your life. Yunho is everything to you, and you’d do anything for him. But you’re a human. Yunho doesn’t care, he will tell you he doesn’t. “You’re still my Eomma. No matter what.” He says. But you can’t help but feel like you will never be enough for him. You can’t be the mother he deserves. You can’t show him the ropes of being a hybrid, and you can’t teach him things the other moms can. But you try. You try your damn hardest. So, when a handsome German Shepard hybrid comes into your life, helping you and guiding Yunho in a way you can’t, you can’t help the cozy home he sets up in your heart.

Chapter Guide:

Previous / Next

Tag List: @kurochan3 @mrcleanheichou @anonymous-armys-blog @bella-raina​ @purelyecstacy​ @lindsayjoy444​  

Blogs highlighted in bold could not be tagged. Please message me privately so we can resolve the problem and I can tag you next time ^^

“W-What? Baby no...” 

      Tears started falling from Yunho’s eyes as he held on tight to his stuffed animal and buried his face into my chest. I held him close and put my hand on his back, gently rocking him back and forth. “Baby, why’d you ask that?” I whispered to him. 

      Yunho took in deep, shaky breaths as he tried to calm himself the way I taught him. “I-I was at school... a-and that boy asked me...” He hiccupped, I continued to rock him back and forth, petting his hair just the way he likes it. “Hey, baby, it’s okay,” I kissed the top of his forehead and hugged him tighter. 

     But Yunho just cried harder, holding onto me as tight as he could. “H-He said that... Y-You can’t be my Eomma c-cause y-you... You don’t have ears... Or a tail...” His words made my heart squeeze. It hurt. It hurt to hear those words come from Yunho. 

      It’s not that I never expect these things to come up. We talked about it regularly, the two of us. Yunho knows I’m human. Yunho knows he didn’t get his hybrid features from me. Yunho knows he... had a father. He doesn’t ask about him. Whether that be because he doesn’t care or it confuses him to know that he had a father, but not anymore... I wouldn’t know. 

     However, just because I knew this would happen, didn’t mean my heart hurt any less. “Oh bub, I may not be a hybrid, but I’m still your Eomma,” I whispered to him. Yunho nodded into my chest, sniffling. “And you can tell Eomma anything, okay?” I said, pulling him back so he could look at me. 

      Yunho’s lip wobbled as he whispered, “Anything?” I nodded, smoothing down his frizzed hair, “Anything,” Yunho looked away from me before he whimpered, “When I said that you were my real Eomma... He didn’t believe me and asked if my Appa was human too...” His voice started to crack and new tears pricked the corner of his eyes, “When I said I-I don’t h-have an Appa... He asked why... But I don’t know why Eomma...” Yunho sobbed, coughing as he attempted to choke down his cries. “Why don’t I have an Appa, Eomma?” 

      I bitterly held back the tears that threatened to spill out of my eyes. This was about Yunho, not me. Even though I wanted to hold Yunho tight to my chest and sob with him, I couldn’t. Even if I wanted to whisper to him that I didn’t know, and that I was sorry, I had to pull myself together by the thin threads I’ve been using to sew myself up for years. 

     Yunho continued to sob as I wracked my brain for an answer. How was I supposed to tell my son that his glorified sperm donor wanted nothing to do with him? I can’t. “Hey, baby, look at me,” I cooed, cupping Yunho’s wet face and turning it towards mine. “Baby, remember what Eomma taught you? Deep breaths, okay? Eomma’s here, you’re okay,” I whispered to him as Yunho tried his best to take deep breaths. 

      We both sat there for 5 minutes, taking deep breaths together as we listened to the crickets play their harmony outside. “It’s okay, baby,” I whispered to him as his breathing steadily calmed down. “Some families, like us, only have Eommas. Some only have Appas. But we’re still a family, bub,” I explained, desperately trying to avoid the topic. 

      Luckily, it worked. Yunho nodded in understanding and held me tight, nuzzling his nose in the crook of my neck. “I love you Eomma,” Yunho whispered to me, and I felt tears prick up in my eyes again. “I love you too, bub,” I whispered back, desperately blinking back my tears. 

“Why don’t I have an Appa, Eomma?”

      Those words will forever haunt me, and I knew it. If only I could give Yunho the perfect family. A father that could love him and guide him in ways I couldn’t. A father that could teach him how to lift his other ear. He’s been working so hard on it. A father that could teach him what being a hybrid should mean to him. I couldn’t do that. But god I wish I could. 

Why couldn’t you be a good person, Chul?

      It was a rainy day. A thunderstorm was rolling through town, making the small apartment I shared with my boyfriend, Chul, frigid. The chill air was wafting through the broken window in our living room. The cracked glass a grim reminder of the anger issues that plagued Chul. 

      I could still hear the yelling in my ears, even if it was 2 days ago. I could see why he got upset, it was a bad day at work, we all had those days. But he didn’t have to take it out on the window. Now you were stressed with calling maintenance to explain that Chul had, yet again, damaged something in the apartment during a fit of rage. 

      I sighed, wrapping the blanket around my feverish body tighter. I wasn’t feeling too good this morning. When I woke up, I felt nauseous and light-headed. I could barely pull myself out of bed, but I persevered and got up anyway. I didn’t want to hear from Chul that I was being lazy. I already felt like shit, I didn’t need his accusations making it even worse.

Arguments seem to be the only words we exchange with each other nowadays.

     But it was just getting worse, and I didn’t know what to do. I rashly decided to pick up my phone and call Yoongi. He was smart, he’d know what to do. After a couple rings, Yoongi finally picked up with his same dull tone. 

“Sup buttercup?” He asked. 

“Yoongs... I’m not feeling so well this morning...” I groaned, swallowing down the sickening lump in my throat. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, a little more animation in his voice than before. 

“I just feel sick... and hot...” I complained, sinking into the couch. 

“Sick in the sniffles way or puke way?”

“Puke way,”

“Damn, did you eat anything funny?” I could hear the worry in Yoongi’s voice as he asked his question. 

“No, nothing like that,”

“I’ll send Hyejin over to watch you, okay? I call you after I’m done with work,”

“Okay, thanks Yoongs,” I slurred, feeling exhausted suddenly. 

“It’s nothing, feel better soon, yeah?” 

      Soon, Hyejin arrived with a bag full of medicine and my favorite snacks. “I heard your not feeling your best,” Hyejin gave me a sympathetic smile as she placed her hand on my forehead. “You’re quite warm, but you’re not burning up, which is good,” She hummed, setting down the bag on the coffee table and sitting across from me on the couch. 

      Hyejin continued to ask me questions about what I ate, what I did, if anyone I was around was sick. I answered no to every question. Explaining that I felt heavily nauseous this morning, but it got better throughout the day. Now I was just squeamish and warm. 

     “Alright, you don’t have a cough, or a stuffed nose. You don’t have the symptoms of anything, really. And if you didn’t eat anything weird, then it can’t be food poisoning.” She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Ya know, it was kinda like me when I first got pregnant-” Her eyes suddenly widened in realization as she looked at me. 

“W-What...?” I asked nervously. 

     “No no no no. This cannot be happening. Hyejin, this can’t be happening!” I sobbed as I threw the positive pregnancy test across the bathroom and collapsed on the tile floor. Hyejin quickly knelt down beside me and held me in her arms. “Hey, Y/n it’s okay. It’ll be okay,” She said, holding me tight. “No! You don’t understand! Chul will kill me!” I cried, laying my head on her shoulder. 

     “Y/n it is not your fault you’re pregnant. Birth control never prevents these things 100%. You’re just... One of the odd ones out,” She soothed, her soft tail wrapping around my shaking form. “What do I do?” I whispered, holding Hyejin close to me. 

“It’s entirely your choice. But whatever you decide, Yoongi and I will be there for you no matter what,” Hyejin promised. 

“I have to tell Chul...” I whimpered out, feeling the chilling claws of fear wrap their arms around my throat. “God, I have to tell Chul...”

“When is he coming home?” Hyejin asked. 

“Soon... He said he should be home around 3pm,” I explained, standing up on my shaky legs. 

      Hyejin stood up next to me and grabbed the pregnancy test I threw, ushering me out of the bathroom and back on the couch. “When he gets home, we’ll explain what's happening, and work through it okay?” Hyejin explained, taking my hand in hers. I nodded, too choked up to speak. “Y/n,” Hyejin called, getting me to look at her, “Whatever happens, you always have Yoongi and I, okay?”

And with what little hope I had, we did tell Chul. 

But I’ll never forget the words we exchanged. 

The argument we had. 

“Whatever. I want nothing to do with you or that thing growing inside you.”

Yunho I wish I could tell you that your father was a good person, and that he loved you. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth...

      After Yunho and I had our moment, he refused to go to sleep. He was stuck to my side like glue. “Eomma, don’t go,” He said when I tried to tuck him in for the night. And I didn’t. I knew that sometimes the last thing a person needed was to be left alone. Yunho needed someone to ground him, and I was more than happy to be that someone. Even if I, myself, was crumbling. 

      So now the two of us were sitting on the living room couch watching late night re-runs of old cartoons that I remember watching when I was 10. We just cuddled in silence. Yunho snuggled into my side while I wrapped around his tiny frame. Suddenly my phone rang, Hoseok’s face popping up on the screen. 

      I starred at the faltering picture of the man that lit up the screen. He was occupied with reading a book to the children he was teaching that day. Hyejin sent me the picture. Saying that he was “father material”

      “Hello?” I answered, putting the phone up to my ear. Not wanting to think about Hoseok’s “father material” any longer. “Hey Y/n, are you two okay? You seemed pretty worried when you had to leave,” Hoseok asked. I cringed, feeling bad about having to leave him all alone. I made a note to make it up to him when I felt better. 

     “Um... Yeah.. Yeah, we’re okay just- Family... Issues... Yunho’s a bit upset,” I explained, holding Yunho just a little bit tighter. “Oh no. Is there anything I can do?” He asked, worry laced in his voice. I chuckled, finding his worry for us cute. “I don’t think so, Hoseok... “ I sighed. “Wait! I know! I have ice cream. I can come over and we can chow down. What do you say?” Hoseok offered, and I could almost see the cute smirk that was most likely plastering his face. 

“Sure, why not?”