#and i know anon is venting which is completely healthy and fine

[blonde-and-cat-suc]

saw a post about spop where the person said that “spop haters became the catra they swore to destroy”

… i’m sorry? so i guess disliking or criticizing a show is the same as being a war criminal and an abuser. good to know that the internet brainrot is not going away anytime soon.

Hmmm,

This is... going to be a different kind of response to this kind of ask. Um. To be honest with you? After all this time of running this anti C//A blog. Well. I just don't care about the stans anymore.

I will admit that I did at some points of this hobby/journey (not to be dramatic or anything, you know what I mean). I was young. I still am young. Have I ever told you guys I'm 20 years old? I've figured out I'm asexual (greyace). I've lost a lot of friends. I made a lot more. I used to be vegetarian until I started eating fish again, and then I started to eat chicken. I don't miss red meats. I got my wisdom tooth removed in March.

I have a life. I don't care what the stans are saying about us anymore. I care about you guys and making sure we all get through what we're getting through, talking, creating, sharing art and ideas. I care that when a new SPOP fan (or an older one) figures out that there's a community of people who treat C//A the way that we do, they feel welcomed here. I care that someone discovers things about themselves (sometimes their relationship, sometimes romantically and sometimes with friends, sometimes it was something they dealt with years ago and are only now processing). I care that I'm here to talk with everyone and everyone is here to talk to me. I care about my writing (even though it takes LONG hahahah). I care about being here to represent.

I don't care about what the stans are saying. I'm completely unbothered. And I think you deserve to be, too, Anon. Peaceful and unbothered. You know you're not a "Catra", you don't need me to affirm this to you. None of us are.

. . .

So. With all the love. And this is a Public Service Announcement for everyone who has read this far... These types of rants concerning the standom. Well. This is the kind of response I'll give, nine times out of ten. I’m not saying don’t send them. Do whatever feels right.

/ / /

P.S.

If we DID become "the Catra's we swore to destroy", we still wouldn't be half as begrudging as Catra herself, I'd bet LMAOOO

[velvetvexations]

Since venting is allowed...

I had to start off pride month with aphobia, which really shot my mood. I've already got an entire history full of going to mental health professionals for help with debilitating depression, only for them to find out I'm not interested in a relationship and hooking up and immediately swerving course to tell me how i should be, and it's weird I'm not, and i should do it anyway even if i don't want to- if the topic of relationships is ever brought up i genuinely get this feeling of impending doom. A therapists brings it up and i immediately mentally categorize that therapist as a failed attempt, because it's inevitable they'll be weird about it, they'll hurt me and I can't trust them.

This specific time i was talking to a social worker who was getting my info for accomodations - Conversation went great, talking about my past history i offhandedly mention how the last therapist in particular just spent 6 months trying to hook me up with my (also aroace) best friend, even though i have no desire for any of this - of course, i get told that romance and sex are normal and what EVERY human on earth desires and needs and that therapist had a point. I realize my mistake. Just sit there and silently get lectured how I'm weird and wrong and need to be fixed.

Now, my mom was also there for that, and while she's really not well versed in anything queer, she knows about me being aroace and was supportive from the get go. Just like she did when she talked to that therapist, she tried to diffuse and lead the conversation away by arguing how that isn't relevant and i have much more pressing problems. And just. I appreciate it, i do, not everyone has a parent like that. But I'm thinking about and i just. Wish I'd had someone who would put their hand on the table and shut that down, hard, that I'm fine like this and don't need fixing and others need to stop being shitty to me and ignoring my feelings and wants.

I'm just so tired and resistance has been soundly beaten out of me. I screamed, i cried, i wrote 3 page essays explaining everything i think and feel, and it just feels like i didn't do any of it. At this point I've stopped trying, the topic shifts to relationships and sex and i just heave an inward sigh and prepare to sit through a 20 minute lecture of how wrong i am.

The only real queer spaces i have access to are online, and i just don't find spaces where it's taken all that seriously. At best it's just kind of downplayed, at worst people just deny that it's any kind of problem at all and i should just stop whining. As if a life of people telling me my sexuality is broken and trying to "fix" it just becomes harmless when you're aspec instead of gay.

Going through those mental health problems at all is bad enough, but i also gotta deal with this, and then not having anywhere where i can actually talk about it and get taken seriously. Or have people who get angry on my behalf. Idk where I'm going with this, I'm just so mad that this is how things are.

I'm sorry, anon. Being aroace is completely okay and healthy, you're not broken and you don't need fixing. You're perfect the way you are.

[xplrvibes]

if she ever talked about him, it could've just been about how she felt and how made her feel. he practically lead her on for years always going back to her when things got tough, thinking he loved her when it was just in his head. she has the right to talk about her feelings.

Oh, there's no "if." I've heard it with my own ears. Had screen recordings sent to me of various times she's spoken about him. I know what was said.

I am curious as to how the story of him stringing her along (which is an embellishment of what I have actually heard her say but I guess embellishment is ok sometimes) became so commonplace if it didn't start from her talking about him to fans, though. Either fans are spreading lies and people are eating it up cause it's Colby related drama and that's fun for the whole family...

....or maybe, just maybe, Shea's been talking. A lot. Publicly and privately. To fans.

Idk. Jury's out on which one it is lol.

Regardless, I never said she couldn't talk about him on her streams (although I have and will continue to maintain that NOBODY should be in a group chat with stans and I don't care who you are, cause it's creepy) - it's a free country, she can do what she wants as far as talking about her life is concerned. But if she's going to talk about him and he doesn't respond well to it and doesn't want to be associated with her anymore because of it...isn't that also valid? If he doesn't want to be with someone or be tied to someone anymore because she's publicly speaking about him and his private life to fans on the internet (which he has long mainained is something he doesn't appreciate, which means a boundary of his is being crossed here) and he unfollows....is that not also his prerogative? If he ever decides to come out and tell his side of the story - cause again, the only thing that has ever been told publicly is Shea's extremely vague and to be completely honest from what I have seen, very inconsistent side - would that also be valid or he would be a monster for it?

And full disclosure- I know the xplrclub video from yesterday was made common knowledge and has now been added as fodder in this story. I have had multiple people venting to me in my ask box about it. Putting aside the shittiness of xplrclub footage once again making it's way past the paywall - that was Colby expressing his feelings about a previous experience in his life (and one that was so vague that we don't truly know who he was referring to). Is that OK for him to do, or is it only a problem when it's him talking about things like that?

Also, I'd love to point out that people have been begging people to stop tagging Kat in stuff pertaining to Sam because it upsets her...but Colby is supposed to be fine with continuously being dragged into drama and linked to and have his crap with Shea spoken about as if everyone knows the full story based on the - again, I have to say this - VERY VAGUE THINGS SHE HAS SAID. Why can't he take steps to distance himself from it? If she has the right to speak on it whenever she chooses, he has the right to not want to speak on it or be associated with it in any capacity anymore, if he so chooses.

I'll close this by saying this - it's over. Nobody knows the full nature of what it was - although it was definitely not anything resembling a real and healthy, functioning relationship for either party. But whatever it was, it's over. They've cut ties. Let them. They are both human beings and they are both doing what they feel is best for themselves. 🤷‍♀️

*I enjoyed this ask very much, anon, and hope I did not come off as though I am attacking you because I am definitely not. I find this whole thing...annoying for various reasons, and I appreciate the opportunity this ask gave me to kind of try and talk through it. Thank you!*

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas, idk if this matters to the what I'm gonna say because I am not planning this in the slightest but it's talkative mom anon.

My brother's not helping and I don't have anyone else to talk to rn so... is that sad? I feel like that's a bit sad.

(Just a bit of a warning I talk about a relative passing away a lot in this)

Anyway I wanted to vent about this specific thing that I remembered that still makes me so angry.

So basically my grandmother (on my moms side) passed away around 2 years ago. Actually yesterday was her birthday. Anyway, I live abroad and she died before we could get back to the US, so I didn't get to say goodbye. Which crushed me. I was very close to her. She was one of my favorite people ever.

So we went back to the US for the funeral which meant I was missing the first 2 months of school. But instead of letting me take those two months to process my grief my mom made me do school online. Which meant that

1. I was the only person in my entire class that was online and

2. I was doing school from 8 pm to midnight because of time difference. (She only made me do school for half the school day so I should be more grateful 🙄)

Neither her or my dad worked online or otherwise the entire 2 months we were there. I think I remember her making me do school the night of the funeral as well (like wtf).

It didn't help that my dad got an air bnb that was in the basement of a person's house who was living there, on a farm, had cockroaches, was a 30 minute drive from our relatives, and had 2 bedrooms which meant I was sleeping on a pullout. Which is completely fine for a week or 2 but it was 2 months without a room to myself. My bed was right in front of the bathroom so if I was asleep (after midnight because school) my brother would climb on my bed and wake me up to get to the bathroom. Again that was fine. What pissed me off was that as soon as I was awake I was expected to put the pullout away so i didn't inconvenience my parents. If they found me awake and still in bed in the morning then I wasn't allowed a bed anymore and had to put it away.

So I didn't have a room, was being woken up by my brother every night, and wasn't even allowed to lay in bed for 5 extra minutes while doing school until midnight while my parents weren't working at all, all while grieving my grandma I didn't get to say goodbye to.

I would also like to mention that I don't like physical touch from people sometimes and my parents (specifically mom) like to make fun of me for it. And for a year after my grandma died when I told her I wasn't comfortable with hugging right now she would guilt me into hugging her because "I can't hug my mom anymore so you have to hug me" when I was still processing and grieving over my grandmas death.

Sorry for rambling. Again. Thank you, your answer to my last ask was so kind and helpful.

Hi hon!

Honestly, it sounds like your family has a bit of trouble with boundaries and with respecting your needs. I'm so sorry that's happening, I know how invalidating that can feel.

Remember that just people that's happening, it doesn't make your feelings or needs any less real or valid. You also have a right to (respectfully and kindly) say what you need. Because these are adults acting this way, this can be scary and you need to be respectful, but you can say, for example, "This is my body and I have a right to say I don't want a hug right now. It's nothing against you." And then you don't have to feel guilty when your mom reacts negatively. Her feelings are HER problem.

It's okay to set boundaries. It's actually very healthy.

[leotello]

Tw: T-cest enjoyer guilt (I guess???)

Let me start off by saying you have absolutely every right not to answer this ask, as it might be a bit too personal. Seriously. But as I'm sure you understand, there are not a lot of people I can openly talk about this to.

I just wanted to say that I concur with the last anon. (I say, trying to ignore how much it hurts that we have to use anon in the first place.)

I hate to use your asks as a vent, but a couple of months back, I sent an unnecessarily passive-aggressive ask on a pro shipper's blog, which I rightfully got criticized for by several people. I just scoffed at it all and loathed them for some time, but then I gradually fell into the community and felt shameful for hating those people, now my people, for the longest time.

I'm not going to lie and say, "oh yeah, I completely turned around after enjoying something t-cest related!" or some sugar-coated shit like that. As soon as I acknowledged I was becoming acceptive of it, I actually spiraled into some pretty severe self-hatred. I won't go into detail for obvious reasons, but like. You get the picture.

Anyway, point is, I know now that judging someone for liking t-cest is fucking stupid. Like you said, just like an author who writes about murder or other dark themes, enjoying anything in fiction that is incest-related does not mean you yourself are interested in or romanticize it. We are not disgusting creatures for taking pleasure in a fucked up topic that's FICTIONAL.

So. Yeah. I'm sorry for judging you and others, I'm a changed person now, and I'm glad that we have each other even though the antis despise us. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

im sorry to hear about your spiraling, but im glad you're in a better place now. i had that spiral when i was 12 or so and it wrecked my self-view for a good while. i know how hard it is to accept yourself, including the parts that enjoy dark fiction.

i have no interest in my siblings (and that thought seriously grosses me out) but i have always had an interest in fiction depicting the dark and societally unacceptable, ever since my abuse--including incest, which i started exploring in my writing when i was 11 or 12. this has ranged from gore and whump when i was younger to sexual deviancy when puberty hit, and i've gotten my fair share of hate for it. but i know who i am, and i know i would never hurt someone. and i've shared this with my therapist, as well. i've shared the way incest stories and whump help me process some of the feelings my abuse left me with, and we agree that its a healthy outlet.

and im glad we have each other as well. community is important, and learning to accept yourself, icky thoughts and all, is also vital to a happy life. i want to spread positivity and connections throughout the tcest & general proship community. you're right, we're not monsters, we're just people who's tastes in fiction veer on the less-wholesome-and-acceptable side, for whatever reasons we might have, which is perfectly fine. (and its perfectly fine to ship or enjoy dark and problematic things even if you don't have a history of abuse or anything, fyi. thoughts =/= actions and you dont need any justification to write, draw, or ship what you like)

[akindplace]

i have really bad health anciety and in genersl severe anxiety, ontop of ptsd, autism, and ocd and i dont Understand why the Fuck talking to anyone about my issues with any of the things i deal with, even a therapist, just..Does Not Work.

like..talking about my issues just makes my issues even Worse, but at the same time i need reassurance but getting said reassurance makes me more anxious and feel even worse and Guilty after a bit and i dont exactly know what to do and its frusterating as fuck.

I Want to tell friends but i dont want to like dump it all on them because im Bad with knowing when to stop talking because when im upset its hard for me to know when to stop talking because i cannot read social cues or subtext at all and thats a whole issue in itsself and i am just Overwhelmed as fuck about it

I don't know why either because it is not a professional on the area and I don't have the same personal experiences with it as you do. I think it would help if you asked the people you're talking to that they tell you if it becomes too much, and maybe discuss with a therapist how to actually get helpful therapy but also talk not necessarily about what happened but why you feel this way when addressing your issues. The thing is: completely opening up all of a sudden about your trauma is not the way to go, you should take it slowly. I did therapy for my issues with trauma and it requires different types of therapy (this one is called EMDR). There is also a process everyone goes through in therapy that when you face whatever you are going through, it's often very painful and distressing and it might make you not want to do it again. EMDR tackles this problem - the process of opening up and coping with things is very carefully done so it doesn't overwhelm you. Cognitive behavioral therapy is often practiced, but personally it doesn't help me as much as other types of therapy does and that is perfectly fine. There is DBT too that helps a lot with soothing myself. I forgot the name of the method my current therapist uses, but it works better. I don't it's healthy to put yourself in distress because what works for others doesn't work for you (which is okay because everyone's minds are different). Therapy is supposed to help, and it doesn't really help to feel so overwhelmed by talking about something that is so deep without building bridges between you and the therapist and going at it at your own pace and trying different methods of therapy too! You have a right to actually do therapy in a way that works for you, and to ask around until you find the right therapist. I know it may sound silly, but it does help me a lot to vent on my journal too. Some people do vent art too, and it gives them some release and I think it might help you, just don't vent a lot if it becomes overwhelming.

I know we are going through different things, and I hope you can find some relief, maybe none of what I said helps, maybe someone in the comments can help, maybe just sending this messaged help, but I hope it gets easier and less heavy. You don't deserve to carry this alone and in silence and I hope you find healthy ways to communicate that don't overwhelm you and that are adapted to your needs, because that is how treatment should be.

Idk anon. We're going through completely different things but I can relate to what you are feeling a lot.

[askaborderline]

Tw heavy suicidal ideation

Hi it's server anon again... Just want to vent and possibly get advice/reassurance? If you don't have the energy it's fine. I think I wasn't being fair when describing my situation, bc I did throw several tantrums there that made everyone uncomfortable and avoid/distance themselves from me, which is understandable. I've unloaded a lot of heavy stuff like self loathing and heavy sui ideation and I don't always tag/spoiler them which is my own fault. So no it would not be plausible to set up a friends only server because everyone i like talking to there like them more and I've already made myself the bad guy by being inconsiderate and throwing tantrums. I'm also told that i don't seem to be able to respond well to ppl reaching out to me... Always accusing them of secretly hating me, which makes sense to the more childish part of myself, who has been coming out more and more lately than my mature side. I just keep wanting to lash out because I'm not getting the results i want and it's frustrating bc it's like no matter what i do I'll be hated. Even though I know that's not the case and ppl are rightfully wary bc I'm just stupid and emotionally immature and insane. And now I'm just forced to deal with the consequences that i deserve and it just? Sucks. I keep digging my own graves. I'm so bad at being normal at friendships and i feel like I'm hardly ever in control of myself when I get triggered and it fucking sucks. I'm trying hard to be better at being normal esp after getting sev wake up calls but it's just. Lonely. And suffocating. And it's hard not to believe the little voice in my head that it will forever be like this. And it's my own doing and there's no way to fix it and every time people get cold or distant or perfunctory with me even though I know it's because i understandably exhaust them, because dealing with someone who constantly questions their motives and sincerity is exhausting. I still feel sick and nauseous and i just kept feeling like it'll always be like this, and I'll just be forever lonely and it's better to just jump off a very high building you know hahaha i know it's literally not that dramatic. I know this. Rationally i do. But it's so hard to convince that childish part of myself. It's like. I'm trying. I really am. I know it's hard to believe but i am. But often i wonder whether it's all really worth it when a leap would probably just end everything

Hey anon,

I completely understand where you're coming from. I spent the better part of a decade alienating all my friends, lashing out at everyone around me, not letting them get close bc I kept telling they'd fuck off anyway (and they did, predictably, when you keep telling them that), stealing money to feed my addictions, and constantly traumadumping and leaning on people without their permission - I think it's hard not to lean a lot into these behaviors early on with BPD, especially when you don't know you have it (which is how it was in my case).

You have an advantage here in that you do know you have it, which means you can combat it. The sad reality I have to say though, is that you may have to make new friends. Sometimes there isn't necessarily anything wrong with the old ones, but you may have burned bridges and that may not be a possibility anymore. And I know that's a horrible feeling and it just kind of makes you want to be swallowed up by the world, but that's not what it has to be. You will find new friends, and you don't have to erase your BPD to do so, you just have to let out those feelings and thoughts in a healthy environment. You don't have to bottle everything up - find people that are happy to let you vent (ask beforehand!), journal, look into DBT, play shooters or throw pillows at the wall to get your anger out, let yourself cry, etc. BPD Is not the end of healthy social relationships, you just have to put in more work to accommodate it.

And yes, that's not fair - no one should have BPD, no one should be forced to deal with it, and it's an absolutely miserable experience. But it's also not a reason you should die either. I may not know you, but I promise that you have worth, that you have value, and that you don't need to go to so drastic measures to make the pain manageable. It will never fully stop, but you can find yourself content, and you can even find yourself happy. Euphoric, really, bc the one bright side to this emotional dysregulation is that it makes the good moments better too.

Please keep fighting. You're worth it. You can come poke me here or at @fearofahumanplanet if you need anything else. I'm rooting for you.

[spyroforlife]

"citation needed bro" My citation is that I was involved in some of those communities back in the day.

If that's what your experience was, I'm sorry if it ended up having a negative influence, though tbh plenty of people grow up and end up becoming communist, fascist, or socialist (still a pretty varied set of economic views) while also being religious, so I just found it odd that you would link the two things. And plenty of people go through that phase and then just grow out of it and are perfectly polite and respectable. Though I still can't say anything to their political views, there are atheists all across the spectrum.

I think it's good though for people to have a place where they can safely express anti-religious sentiments. A lot of religious people, or at least the American type that I encounter (caveat here, I AM speaking from an American perspective!!) seem to have no problem preaching their views, telling you all about how they're the ones who have the truth, other religions are false, if you don't believe you're going to Hell, etc

So it's completely understandable for someone to get frustrated to the point of believing religion is inherently bad, because they're being constantly met with the negative aspects of it, and it's easy to find their way to a community who will welcome them and agree "Yes, it IS bad! And you can talk about it all you want here :D"

Can such communities become echo chambers? Of course. That can happen with literally any community, and I'm not saying people shouldn't challenge their views and try to have more nuanced discussions on the topic. But I think having a place where you can just vent, where you don't have to be polite and tiptoe around religion, you can just talk about your own negative perspectives of it without being immediately told you're going to Hell, is healthy.

I don't want to be misunderstood here, so I'm gonna state plainly. I don't agree with anyone being dicks to each other, religious or not. I encourage respectful discussion about it, I have had plenty of talks with curious Christians who want to know my views, and were nice to me even if they don't agree, and I would hear them out in turn, also being polite though I don't share their beliefs. People see the world differently and that's good. But I ALSO understand people, especially new atheists, getting frustrated and lashing out. It can be hard, wanting to have these discussions, and getting met with hostility, which sadly happens a lot depending on where you live. An atheist can be as polite as they can possibly be in stating that they're not religious, and be harassed for it.

idk, it's a complex topic. I wish everyone could just be respectful while talking about these things. I just understand if someone is more rude or standoffish about the subject of religion, especially if it's negatively influenced their life. I would just let them be, give them time to think about things, to maybe be able to have reasonable discussions with believers who AREN'T jerks, and they will most likely mellow out about the subject over time. Though if someone is still regularly subjected to religiously motivated abuse, I wouldn't expect them to ever see the subject in a positive light. They don't have to. They can treat individuals with respect while still criticizing the system. And I think that's fine.

"All religion is evil!!" is an edgy statement. So is "All atheists are evil!" Both of which should just be met with a head shake, then you move on. It's that type of absolutist statement that I don't see the point in arguing with. Maybe it's a serious viewpoint, maybe they're venting, idk. Not gonna bother with it either way.

This turned into a really long post and you probably didn't really care to hear any of it. Ah well. I was really just puzzled by your first ask and felt like being snarky, but felt I should more thoroughly explain my views here. I do hope you've found better communities, anon

[free--therapy]

Hello, it's anon!

It's been some time, I hope you're doing well! Personally, this month was going better than the last but the last few days really hit badly again. I've noticed that everytime I notice something like "oh I've been doing pretty well recently" is exactly when I stop doing well 😭

This isn't a coincidence because it's when I notice "I've been doing well" that I start thinking things like "hmm so am I over that xyz thought? And what about that xyz one? Or what about that one?" Etc. So like, I just randomly end up thinking about some of my worry thoughts and in that process, I end up engaging too much with at least one of them which then kind of starts a spiral which keeps getting worse until I force myself out of it. It's a weird process and super tiring too.

I really want to reach a point where I stop getting bothered much by these thoughts at all and just learn to completely believe that "I'm fine and that these thoughts aren't necessarily true" and just keep moving on with my life.

Most times, I can remind myself that these are just thoughts and that I'm just stuck in a cycle of overthinking and getting anxious that's all. I remind myself nothing is actually wrong with me and that I can live just as normally and happily as anyone else. Because my mind makes me think things like "Oh can you enjoy this thing/event as much as anyone else considering you've been struggling so much with overthinking and anxiety?" Like even if I might be enjoying, my mind tries to convince me that "I'm not" or at least that "I shouldn't be" which is sad honestly. It's like it tries to make the overthinking seem like much much bigger problem than it actually is.

Of course, from time to time, even I'm surprised by how much I can get bothered and frustrated by overthinking over the most absurd and smallest of things, it's honestly crazy. Like whether the issue is very small or big, my overthinking makes any and all of them seem like a life altering problem (that too, a negative one). In fact, even if it's not a problem to begin with, it'll still start looking like one, a very big one at that. Idk why I'm like this 😭

Is this even common? And can I even get out of this habit lol

I mean, I've always been a thinking type of person but it's almost always been very controlled and never made my life harder or impacted my life in a negative way. But in the last three years, it has taken over my anxiety and I became like this 😔 But even in the last three years, it's been VERY on and off. Like there are periods of months where I completely stop the overthinking and live in a healthy way with a healthy way of thinking then suddenly spiral for weeks or months then I'm okay again and so on.

Like I had period of months from August to December 2022 where my overthinking was very minimal and I remember I used to sometimes ask you for advice or just vent here but never did the thinking get bad or out of control. I used to approach it in a healthy understanding sort of way so it never "took over" my life. I can say it for sure because when I remember a period of my life with the good memories or other events in it (instead of remembering the anxiety or overthinking first) I can tell that I was doing great with minimum overthinking. And the first of this year, January to mid-June 2023 was even better with virtually no overthinking at all.

So to go from almost a whole year (and even some months before that too) of comparatively much healthy mental health to this is kind of sad 😭 That said, I also know that I tend to get like this when I'm too idle for too long like I am now.

Since after college ended in June this year, I've been free and idle and have had nothing to do. I've mentioned this before too but being so idle and at home all day everyday pretty much makes it much easier for the mind to stray. Having things to focus on or things to do or just something to keep the mind stimulated helps to keep my mind in check so when negative thoughts do come up, I can easily rationalise them without getting too caught up in the details of those thoughts which makes me twist the words in those worries. So not having anything stimulating for so long has led to me getting more absurd thoughts related to my old worries or even some completely new ones.

It's like the old thinking patterns from 2021 are returning but this time, I do know better of course. However, that doesn't stop the thoughts from getting worse and it does get overwhelming at times.

Though I've noticed something. I almost never panic about actual real world issues in my life. Like when some issue does pop up, suppose an exam I haven't studied enough for. In that scenario, unlike many other students, I usually don't take too much stress and usually believe that "I'll be okay, I'll figure something out" and stay calm and the exam does go well too!

So with a lot of actual real life issues (except a few), I tend to stay more on the positive or calm side but when it comes to these made-up worries, it's much much harder for me to stop overthinking and focusing on the negatives.

It's like my mind finds every smallest negative detail and starts obsessing over it, ruminating and worrying when it might never happen or might have never happened in the past. But the "what if it did happen?" Or "what if it does happen in the future?" And similar thoughts are crazy.

Honestly, at this point, I've collected like hundreds of worry topics which actually don't have anything to do with real life and can be left alone but I can't leave them alone. And from those hundreds of "topics" of worry, I've discovered like thousands of worry thoughts each about each of those hundreds of topics lmaooo

Basically what I mean to say is I've collected a whole huge mountain of thoughts and overthinking about the same old topics and keep piling more thoughts onto it. And now it's like I've gotten kind of used to carrying that mountain everywhere in my head and I just find myself wondering "What would this person feel if they were to get all of these thoughts of mine?" "Would they think it's heavy? Or overwhelming?" Because I personally don't know anymore after having them for so long.

But you know sometimes I can't help but feel like I just wanted to keep the mountain down. Like take it off from my head and lay it somewhere and let it go for good. To let myself feel lighter and more like myself again, after all, that is how I felt for the last one year and it's only recently that these thoughts have started piling again. So I clearly remember how it feels to not have this "burden" with me all the time but just that I don't know how I can just let it down.

I mean, after all, no matter how complex, confusing, weird, absurd or frustrating it gets, in the end, these are just thoughts right? They're not something that always need to be taken seriously at all. I know that and yet, why can't I do it? Like let it go completely? I know I can do that since that I've done it before. So why can't I this time?

Have you ever felt anything of this sort? And if you did, what did you do?

Hey Anon,

You gotta stop sabotaging yourself! I know it's easy to fall into those old patterns, but you gotta stop yourself before you even begin that cycle. I know this is challenging though and all part of the process of healing. Keep combatting those thoughts that keep trying to tell you you don't deserve to be at peace.

Also, there's no need to beat yourself when you have these periods of relapses because the journey is not linear. You're going to fall back into old patterns because they are things your mind was used to doing for so long, so it'll take a lot of discipline and patience with yourself to enforce the newer habits. You already know what to do though :) Keep looking for things to do to keep your mind occupied so you're not sitting idle with your mind too long. Think of some projects you'd like to work on or set some goals for your future to work towards and keep your mind on.

Yes, like you said, no matter how complex, confusing, weird, or absurd this process gets, they are all just thoughts and you have the power to give them power over you or not. Thoughts are just opinions and opinions are not facts. Sometimes you need to just keep on repeating the same positive affirmations to yourself until your mind believes it. Consider how many times you've had the same negative thoughts over and over again and you started to believe them. The same thing happens with the positive too :)

Yes, I definitely did struggle a lot with wrapping my mind around having to calm down my thoughts and even now I can get wrapped up in things because my brain is ADDICTED to the rush the body gets from worry. It's ridiculous, but I also know I have the tools I need to combat the thoughts and I can usually settle myself down within minutes. You have to remember that this is a skill you're learning so it's going to take time, practice, and patience with yourself. It's easy to feel defeated, but you've even said it yourself: you've had periods of times where you were able to manage the thoughts, so that tells me that you're more than capable of doing this. Just keep going ☺

[thecharlestonroyalfamily]

Here’s the thing about the royal simblr drama..

So I feel like I’m a fairly neutral party in the middle of all this drama (kinda fitting considering that’s what I build my nation as as well). I know and have worked on my story both with the people accused and those who haven’t. All of them are lovely people who I’ve enjoyed working with and who gave me no hard time. Now sadly I’ve found out that this isn't the case for everyone. However as I too care about this community I want to help and make it a better place.

Here are some points of observation from someone with years of studying and first hand experience in psychology about the situation: (It’s a long post)

1. The “cliques”. Now we as humans naturally tend to form “cliques”; groups of like minded people who we share interests with. This is completely normal and nothing to be ashamed off. And we as people also tend to not get along with everyone. This too is also fine and completely normal. It is completely okay and acceptable to vent about people/things/concepts you don’t like or find annoying to your friends. We all do it. Yes, even as adults, cause guess what we don’t all get along and that is fine. Is this an excuse to treat someone like shit? No and that’s where the problem begins. 

2. Power corrupts. Shortly when we as humans are placed in a position of power aka a situation where we feel we have the upper hand or are in some form “above” others it gets to our heads (take the 1971 Stanford Prison Experiment as an example). Now I’m not saying that these people necessarily think themselves better, I’m saying that with bigger follower number and more influence your behavior might change. Maybe they don’t even consider themselves being mean or gatekeeping.

3. Original ideas. There is no such thing as an original idea. All of us have had our stories inspired by other stories, real or fiction, to some extend. However this does NOT mean you can flat out copy someone else’s storyline. But what is counted as copying? If you take another creators scene, plotline, etc. and add it your story without making any or barely any changes THEN you’re copying. “But I have a scene just like XXX and now I’m being blamed for copying.” If you didn’t intentionally do it, it’s not malicious copying and you can still fix it. If you’re unsure talk it over with the other blog and/or just re-take the pictures from a different angle or re-write dialogue. Being inspired by others if fine! Just know and learn the difference between inspiration and copying.

4. Gatekeeping. Now this is a tad tricky. You see those who first started telling royal simblr stories, and in doing so created this community, might have had or might still have ideas and wishes for what this community looks like. However since this community is this large it’s simply impossible to have those wished granted. We all have different sets of skills and amount of time to put into our stories. While to some this is like making their own book or tv show, others just want to take pretty pictures of sims in grand palaces and tiaras. Both of these approaches are fine and valid! The problem is that when you hold something in high value to yourself and see someone else just “mess around” with it you feel hurt. How can they not take this seriously?! But the thing is they are, just as you. They just have a different set of goals and motivation for their story. Not every book is a bestseller and that is okay.

5. False positivity. False positivity helps no one however there’s a difference between being falsely positive and being supportive. The main difference? What you wanted out of the conversation. A person looking for criticism to improve their work does not want or benefit from just supportive comments alone! If that’s all they get they’ll get frustrated and that’s where bad feeling towards other start. Same thing other other side, a person looking for encouragement does not want criticism! What they need is your thumbs up emojis and a few positive words. If they get unasked for critique they don’t receive it as such, to them it’s easily just bullying. 

How to fix the situation:

Now please note that these are just MY individual ideas. There’s no simple solution to this and it surely doesn’t happen over night but change can be made.

1. Make two separate channels on the server; CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM and ENGOURAGEMENT. Those looking for support can choose which variety they want and need. Now this also means that if you go to the criticism channel that’s what you’ll get! Everyone needs to take personal responsibility on this and not go on the channels they don’t want. If you don’t want criticism from complete strangers DM a friend, or ask a specific creator if they’d have the time to give you critique. 

2. Own what you’ve said, and apologize. Those that have said mean words need to own up to them, apologize from the individuals affected and stop. Private messages shared between friends is fine (it’s human nature), however if your discussions revolve around judging and/or belittling others you might want to reconsider. Also if you’re not directly involved or asked keep your opinions to yourself. No one likes unsolicited comments.

3. NO MORE GATEKEEPING! Now this is should be obvious to everyone. This is a community which means people are going to do things differently. Don’t follow blogs who’s stories you’re not interested in. Don’t send anon hate cause you don’t like what they do. Unlearn the idea that there’s only one way to tell a royal simblr story. If you can’t do that, grow up.

4. Say no. If you don’t want to collab with someone say no. Seriously. Going around this will only create more behind the scenes trash talking. And if you’re told no, accept it. Most of us are adults, we can or at least should be able to handle a no. It sucks when the other person doesn’t share our enthusiasm for an idea but that happens. With so many stories out there sadly not all of them are going to align. Luckily we’re a big community so the odds that someone out there likes your idea is quite large! Which brings me to the last point 5. Keep an open mind. As said we’re a big community of different people from all over the world. We come from multiple ethnicities, religions and countries, we’re individuals of different sexualities and genders. We all have our own set of ideals and ideas we’d like to see. We’re storytellers and readers, weavers of massive intricate worlds, or people who just like to keep it simple. Our difference is a richness. You might not like every idea but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. Let people be and do their thing.

So that’s it for me. I hope I didn’t cross any lines with this. Thank you for taking the time to read what has been the longest Ani’s rambling ever. Let’s work towards a more healthy and welcoming community. My asks and anons are on.

Love, Ani

[linkspooky]

Hey, I’ve been reading a lot of your BNHA metas, (they’re all absolutely awesome btw) and I was wondering about two things, what kind of mental illness do you think Shigaraki has? And I read a post somewhere that speculated that he might have suffered a tbi when his father hit him with the tree sheers, do you think that might be true?

Hello anon, thank you for your ask! 

I will try to answer your questions the best I can, however beforehand I think it’s important to note that I don’t really like diagnosing characters outside of like specific examples where the authors tell us this is the disease they were attempting to portray, or headcanons. Shigaraki clearly shows signs of mental illness, but I don’t think Horikoshi writes characters by looking up a list of symptoms in the DSM and then writing them based on that. 

Also yes, the two clearest examples of mental Illness (Shigaraki, Twice) are both villains but I have faith that the mental illness of Shigaraki is an instance where it’s used to humanize him and show how much of a victim of a system both characters are, rather than just to give the villain traits that are abnormal and therefore creepy and dangerous. 

I can’t give you a specific dianogisis but I can give you a more in depth look at several symptoms that Shigaraki displays. 

Excoriation 

Excoriation disorder is an obsessive-compulsive spectrum mental disorder that is characterized by the repeated urge or impulse to pick at one’s own skin to the extent that either psychological or physical damage is caused. In Shigaraki’s case it’s clearly a stress response that is aggravated the more violent, unstable or dangerous a situation he is put into. 

Which is why I find claims that Shigaraki is content with violence, or likes being a killer and is comfortable living this way to be false. Because Shigaraki’s own body constantly rejects him. He feels a compuslive need to scratch and harm himself because his body cannot handle the stress of being violent. It’s a stress response because Shigaraki does not actually on some level want to be doing these things, and living in a constant state of stress and harm makes him more compelled to vent his stress by following his compulsions. 

The compulsion he feels can sometimes get so bad that in childhood he was rolling around the floor, crying and frantically scratching his whole body. This is not what All for One said and him holding back his urge to kill, but rather Shigaraki responding to the stress. Shigaraki is seven and was put in front of two homeless people who were threatening to harm him and he already came from a physically abusive household. He’s in unbelievable stress with no healthy way of venting it, and thereofre he compulsively self harms. 

GAME TALK

In general Shigaraki uses a lot of game talk. This is not so much a symptom of mental illness necessarily as it is a coping mechanism, but the goal is for Shigaraki to distance himself from reality. Basically it’s a mechanism for rgaining control because if you imagine life as just one big game where you are the player, you feel much more in control then some random kid who lost his family in a freak accident then got picked up by a super villain. Gamespeak is also a way of being deeply impersonal with the situation, in case it goes bad Shigaraki can say it’s just game over. It’s a layer of distance between him and reality, like I said, escapism to cope. His insistence of using game terminology for everything could also be seen as a “special interest” but once again that depends on your intepretation Shigaraki shows a whole cluster of symptoms that overlap with a lot of things. 

HIGH ATTENTION TO DETAIL

Shigaraki in a fight where he and AIzawa are jumping around trying to kill each other, Shigaraki is able to notice a detail as minute as when the hair falls over Aizawa’s eyes it stops, and also that his quirk was weakening because the tiny seconds long windows were getting shorter and shorter. 

This is an extremely small detail to notice. Hyper-sensitizing, or hyper-attention to detail is another sign of mental illness, because usually the brain filters out superfluous details like this because otherwise noticing everything in that fine detail would overwhelm the senses. 

Immaturity 

Shigaraki is completely unable to handle his negative emotions like a well-rounded adult. Though, I dislike how All Might and the others phrase it in this discussion because it is a pretty ablist description (downright sick in the head, a toddler’s sense of feeling like he can do whatever he wants). (the ablist part is that they’re using symptoms of his clear mental illness to dehumanize him.)

Regardless, Shigaraki of course does act like a man child, constantly talking about games, giving up easily, not having the patience to converse with others especially in situations he does not want to be in, throwing tantrums. 

Children who are abused and neglected especially to the extreme extent that Shigaraki has, show long term developmental (that is term for the process of growing into a full adult) and behavioral problems. To the point where some studies have shown even the brain’s chemistry is permanently effected and the brain grows differently. 

Children need a stable environment, and also positive role models for what adults act like to grow into full fledged adults, Shigaraki had neither of those. In fact he was also raised almost entirely outside of society except for the first five years of his life, so there is also no outside influence on his upbringing as well, which is why he is like a child, egocentric, unable to handle his emotions, because mentally he was never given the chance to develop past one. 

ISOLATION

This is something that Shigaraki showed at the start of the series, but also has shown to develop past. At first he never left his room and from the several trash bags it’s quite obvious he spent long periods of time in there without taking care of himself or the environment around him in any significant way. 

Shigaraki is no longer isolating as a result of having gotten closer to the league, he is basically available to them at all times and does not shut them off in any significant way. Which in this quick tangent we can also talk about symptoms Shigaraki does not have. Shigaraki is able to read a room pretty clearly, and knows how to hide himself in a crowd enough to keep Deku hostage with no trouble at all, and even leave the scene with Uraraka there without provoking her into attacking him or tipping her off what he was doing right away. Shigaraki is fairly competent at reading other people and he does have social skills so he’s not like someone who never sees the light of day or cannot interact with others and is clueless on how people think. 

He’s also shown to be capable of making emotional connections with other people, and also of being considerate to those people’s needs. Which also shows that Shigaraki is capable of communication and also has an awareness of the feelings of other people and the ability to empathize, he is just choosy about who he makes connections with. He is definitely not someone unable to form an emotional connection with another person. 

Shigaraki also shows a pretty flagrant disregard for all social norms, but that can be a result of being raised outside of society all of his life.

Shigaraki also likes to piss people off on purpose, almost like he is testing their boundaries and what he can get away with the same way a child playing around might.

Dissociation

We have seen Shigaraki experience Dissociation in both senses of the word. First we have seen him physically detach himself from his feelings, and his own body in the middle of a fight and still continue on in a fugue-like state. 

He experiences dissociation in the sense of the word meaning periods of detachment to your body, drifting away from your consciousness, severe feelings of alienation from himself, extreme difficulty concentrating or holding focus to the moment, his perception of both time and the area around him slipping to levels that are borderline hallucinogenic. 

Dissociation is a mental process where a person disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity.

Shigaraki also displays traits of what is more classicly known as Dissasociative identity disord. He has two names, and clearly considers the life of Shimura Tenko to be separate from Shigaraki Tomura for a long time at the start of the manga. It might not be full on DID, but he at least dissociated his memories away from himself long enough that he forgot all of them like those memories belonged to another person, not Shigaraki but rather Tenko. 

Shigaraki also foils Twice pretty heavily who developed actual dissociatve identity disord. He even shares similiar symptoms of speaking to himself when he speaks to the hand of “father”. I am not saying he has full on DID like I said I’m not diagnoising just that he displays several symptoms of it. He also came from an abusive household at an incredibly young age, which is where DID most commonly manifests. 

Shigaraki also shows signs of flashbacks when his memories return at inconvenient times during fights when direclty exposed to violence, or he experiences a trigger reminding him of his past. Flashbacks are a symptom that have the most in common with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

To answer your question on whether Shigaraki has a brain injury from when his father hit him with shears, there is evnidence suggesting he could have suffered brain damage, especially in the symptoms that he shares with Twice. However, at the same time Shigaraki also would have developed brain damage either way. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is something that permanently rewires the brain after exposure to trauma. His brain has suffered a traumatic injury regardless of whether or not it was the garden sheers that did him in. 

Suicidal Ideation / Self Harm

Shigaraki in general wishes to not exist, or to destroy everything so it will not exist anymore. Even if it’s not a direct wish for suicide that symptom is called suicidal ideation. It’s intrusive and persistent thoughts of suicide. The likely cause is once again, Shigaraki is absolutely not comfortable living like this, and is constantly overwhelmed with stress and pain and is seeking an escape. 

Shigaraki also actively seeks out harm. The same way he obsessively compulsively scratches, he puts himself into harmful situations like the extremely painful hellish surgery the doctor said he did not even have to endure if he did not want to. He feels compelled to harm himself, even when he is not fighting against someone else. He inflicts harm on himself becauseit is once again an unhealthy way to process his emotions. Oncce again all of these symptoms are there not to make Shigaraki out to be terrifying and incomprehensible because he is mentally ill, but rather to show he is a human being caught within the cycle of abuse with extremely unhealthy methods of coping with that fact. 

[chronicillnessmemes]

FAQ

About us!

On our ask policy:

Keep in mind that this blog is run by two very sick individuals who don’t always have the mental or physical energy to answer questions, and as such asks might take 2 weeks to answer, though we’ll do our best to answer as soon as we can! Please refrain from resending asks until that 2 weeks is up. 

Please do not send us research questions as we don’t even have the energy to do our own research.  This is a joke blog.  There are other resources out there.  If you have a specific question about people’s experiences, or something that Google cannot provide, that’s fine.  Anything we can post for our followers to answer, we are more than willing to post.

All asks will be answered privately unless you tell us otherwise or mention asking followers.

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If you have a longer ask that you would like to be responded to privately, or would like to send a link, please use our fanmail! Due to the fact that we’re a multi user blog, we do have fanmail still available and its much easier to reply to and chat with users through this!

On spoonies in remission:

Many people have been diagnosed with a chronic illness but are currently experiencing remission or ease in their symptoms - we just want to remind you that its OK to still be in the community and identify as such! There are many issues that come up when you experience remission, such as learning to cope with guilt, and learning to process the grief you experienced during illness. Remission comes with its own set of problems and its OK to still be here through it!

On Blocking:

As two seriously sick individuals with anxiety, we DO use the blocking function fairly often, for our own health and wellbeing. We will also use it to prevent specific individuals to be associated with us or our posts. You will be blocked if you:

Abuse the ask box

Reblog a post and derail it from the issue, especially to push your own agenda.

Add inappropriate, ableist, or rude comments to our posts in reblogs, which could be triggering or painful for our audience to see and read

FAQ

I have (insert health problem here), does this count as being chronically ill? Am I sick enough?

We get this question enough for it to be both a little irritating and completely heartbreaking. The long and the short of it is, if you are looking on this blog, you have a problem affecting your health - mental or physical - that will last, then yes, you are sick enough.

The definition of chronic is a condition which has lasted or will last more than 6 months.

The definition of illness is

“a disease or period of sickness affecting the body or mind.”

So if you have a problem that causes you to be not totally healthy, whether it has a name yet for you or not, then it’s an illness. If it has lasted or will last 6 months, it’s chronic. Congratulations, you have a chronic illness! **

Also, many people experience chronic condition(s) and illness due to medication side effects that they take for other reasons. We include this too!

**Edit to say, many people who are experiencing this might have something other than a chronic illness, such as a progressive disability

Whats the difference between chronic pain and chronic illness?

Quite simply, one is a symptom and one is the root problem. If you have a chronic illness, you probably have chronic pain. However, not everyone with chronic pain has a chronic illness. Some people have had injuries in life that cause them pain every day, which technically wouldn’t be seen as an illness. But we’re happy to have you on our blog!

Can I call myself disabled? Am I disabled enough to call myself disabled?

It’s my opinion that if you’re asking this question - the answer is yes. Disabilities come in a huge range and variety. They can affect small parts of your life and big ones, physical, mental, emotional parts, etc. Just because your disability doesn’t look like someone elses, or because you have more accessibility than others, doesn’t mean its not also a disability.

A tree and a patch of grass look vastly different, but they’re both plants.

Also, the definition of disability is “a physical or mental condition that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities.“

The ADA (americans with disabilities act) defines a disability as a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activity.

That can be anything from working, socializing, showering, to making food, etc.

What’s a spoonie?

A spoonie refers to someone who identifies with the “Spoon Theory” written by Christine Miserandino, a woman with Lupus. In her theory, she describes to her friend what it’s like to have an illness, using spoons found in a restaurant. You can read the theory here: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

if you would prefer to listen to the theory instead of reading it, there is a video of the author reading it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn5IBsm49Rk

Can I use the term “spoons” even though I’m not ill?

Please don’t. If you don’t have an illness, mental or physical, please don’t appropriate terms from disabled people - an oppressed group - to use for yourself. Typically when people do this it shows a fundamental lack of understanding and care for the people who so identify with this. While some people are okay with this, we please ask that you kindly do not use these terms for yourself if you are a healthy individual mentally and physically.

I have a mental illness, can I still follow and reblog?

If you identify with the posts we make, then please, go ahead! While there are differences in experiences many times between mental and physical chronic illnesses, its our opinion that they’re both chronic illnesses, and feel free to identify and reblog!

I don’t like reading all the asks, can you post less?

All commentary on our blog such as asks and reblogs are tagged with the admin who has responded. If you just want a fun ol’ meme blog with nothing else, go ahead and blacklist the tags “admin j” and “admin e”!

I just need someone to vent to, can I use your askbox?

Sure! Just tell us if you want to be responded to privately or have your asks posted publicly for the community to see and rage with you. Or, go ahead and use the fanmail and we’ll know you don’t want it posted publicly.

I believe the link is this

There’s a post I think would go great on this blog, what do I do?

Feel free to tag us with the @ tagging system so we can review and reblog it! Keep in mind that only new content will show up in tracked tags if you’re tagging us in the actual tags of a post. So if you have a new post and want to tag us in the bottom, great! If its an existing post go ahead and @chronicillnessmemes on the bottom for us to have a look. Please send us an ask when you do this too, so that we won’t miss it! We get a lot of stuff on our activity page so tags can be easy to miss.

Can I send selfies or pictures of me in my doctors office or with my new mobility device?

PLEASE!! Oh pretty please do, we love to see our followers and would ideally love to have a pajama party where all our followers and the community get together to show everyone how vastly different and human we all are.

Can I send nudes?

Please don’t, although Admin J will find them infinitely amusing.

[fairycosmos]

Well I accidentally came off anon, it’s a bit embarrassing tbh. Dunno why. I’m really sorry that I have so many negative things to put on your asks, you don’t have to answer them, I just wanna be listened to and be understood. Just letting these out because I don’t have a lot of people I can vent out to about literally every little thing. Going anon makes it so easier to be real and pure and honest. I wish there are more people like you. I really do. You are the definition of kind. -A

hey angel. sorry for the lateish response, but it's not embarrassing my love. don't worry about it. i absolutely think you're justified in resenting your mum for the way she treats you. having a mental illness is hard enough, but having people around you that don't even try to understand can make it all feel a hundred times worse :(( you're v strong for dealing with it and for getting through it on a day to day basis. you should recognize how resilient that makes you. seriously, it counts for so much. when you have anxiety and depression, it's easy to spiral into a pit of self hatred - and your mum acting like everything is your fault is bound to hurt your self esteem even more - but you have to know that in reality, you are a wonderful/capable person and your struggles don't define you at all. it's fine to be who you are, and to need help, everyone does at one point or anothe. it's totally okay to think negatively sometimes, and to process painful emotions, but you don't have to fully buy into them or give them any power, you know? it's how you cope with them that matters the most. your mum is not cultivating an environment in which you can develop healthily. her attitude towards you is complete bullshit and it's not fair. but it's also not your fault, and it's not a reflection of you. she's responsible for her own stupid words and actions. there comes a point where you just have to try to accept that you can't change your family, you can't help where you come from - but you can control how you deal with yourself, how you help yourself and where you go from here. alright? i honestly believe that you can do it. i'm not just saying that. part of growing up is realizing that your parents don't know shit. you're not being over sensitive. i need you to understand on an integral level that you deserve love and happiness and understanding, because so many people know where you're coming from - so many people are in the same boat as you. if you force yourself to think something like that, something positive about yourself at least once a day, even if you feel stupid doing so at first, then you'll start to believe it eventually. you will.i know it's all extremely difficult, i get that. but i promise that where you're at right now is not where you'll always be. you'll grow, you'll learn, you'll manage and your perception of things will change and develop. there will come a day when you have complete control over over your life, when you can choose who you want to be around, when you can explore your city whenever the hell you want to. that day will come a lot faster than you think it will, man. having a messed up relationship with your family can really fuck your head up, but that doesn't mean there are absolutely no avenues of support available. mental illness is serious, right? it can be to do with brain chemistry, or it can be circumstantial, but you have to reach out in order to figure that out. actively learning how to adapt healthy thinking patterns/coping mechanisms into your life will make a massive difference over time, honestly. is there anyone at school you can turn to, maybe a teacher or a counsellor? or is there some sort of support group in your area, or a mental health hotline you can call to ask for some guidance? i know it's scary and a little weird, but i've called them before and they were v helpful. it wasn't anywhere near as bad as i had convinced myself it was going to be. i think most things in life are like that. anyway, my point is that you don't have to deal with everything all on your own. your mind may try to tell you otherwise, and it's alright to be afraid - just don't let the fear stop you from making the right choice. your mum is a complete dickhead and she doesn't deserve an intelligent, lovely kid like you. all you can do is try to focus on what's in your control - helping yourself as much as you can, and blocking out your parents when they try to make you feel bad about things you can't change. i'm so fuckin proud of you for handling all of this shit and for sticking around. i'm genuinely rooting for you so much and i know you're going to see/do great things in the future. you just have to give yourself a chance. keep taking it one step at a time. take care of your own well-being. and let the rest figure itself out. i really hope you're okay, and that things feel a little less heavy soon. i'm always here if you need to talk. hmu anytime.also thank you so so much for being so lovely and sweet. i think you're giving me too much credit, if everyone was like me we'd all be fucked but still,, i appreciate it so much aaaaaa 💕 i'm sending all the love in the world your way.

[writersarestruggling]

💛 writer asks 💛

I'm answering them because yolo - by skylerwritestoomuchphansmut

1: how long is a good length for a plot?  I don’t think the length of a plot is important in majority of cases, writing isn’t some high school assignment. As long as the story remains consistent and well written and has some conclusion, it’s fine. 

2: do you like writing longer stories, or shorter one shots? Well whenever I aim for shorter one shots... it turns into chapters. 

3: are you better at writing characters who are sarcastic and witty or cute and funny? I don’t even know? I think sarcastic/witty? 

4: what are three of your favorite character traits? Aspired, individualistic and emotional (because I’m tired of the ‘i hate everybody i am high and mighty and great at everything but i never cry because ew’ trope). 

5: what’s the longest story you’ve ever written?  fanfiction: 155, 985.

6: what’s a story/ one shot you’re most proud of?  I don’t know if I’m proud of any of them. But the one I’m most like ‘okay that was difficult but I made it fun’ was a Songfic I wrote for Alex Rider and I got reviews saying I made it work and how they barely noticed so the lyrics weren’t annoying (25 to Life - Eminem). 

7: do you consider yourself a good writer? I consider myself a... decent writer. I’ll accept I’m not completely hopeless. 

8: do you consider writers artists? Yes. People consider poetry an art form because it’s wording can be so metaphorically beautiful. Poetry is words, writers use words, it’s almost the same. Artwork can be interpreted and is made to evoke emotions, so do writers. 

9: do you mostly write for others or yourself? With fanfiction, if it was chaptered- others. Fanfic oneshots was myself, mostly to vent. Original stories, is just to satisfy my urge to write and tell a story. 

10: do you like poetry? I used to hate it, idk why, silly me. Now I don’t mind it but I don’t prefer it. It depends on the poem itself. 

11: what’s your favorite book? What kind of dumb question is that??? I can't choose a favourite singular book. A favourite book in a series, maybe. Favourite series, sure. 

12: how did you start writing? I don’t even remember. I know I was coming up with stories since I could pick up a pen. 

13: what was the first thing you wrote? (if you remember)  Nope.

14: does writing calm you? Most times. 

15: do you like being descriptive or more brief?  Descriptive. 

16: what’s one thing your readers could do to encourage you to write more/ write something they want? Engage with the story, that encourages me that somebody actually cares. Constructive criticism also works, I’ll be motivated to work on it.

17: do you ever get stressed about writing? Too much more than I’d like. 

18: do you give yourself schedules/deadlines? Nah. 

19: on a scale of 1-10 how important to your life is your writing? Sometimes like a 5. Sometimes like a 15. Usually like a 9. 

20: does being outside help you write, or would you rather be in a coffee shop with fast internet? Cofffeeeeeee shop. I respect people that can write outside though, I wish I could focus. 

21: who encourages/inspires you to write? Usually my stubbornness and emotional state. 

22: what’s your favorite thing to write about?  I don’t even know? 

23: do you like fanfiction or making your own stories better? Both!

24: do you read other’s work? I don’t know any writer that doesn’t read other people’s work, all writers love writing, which means books, writers’ love books wtf.

25: who’s your favorite author?  probably Rick Riordan.

26: do you want to be a writer when you grow up?  Obviously.

27: what’s one good tip for aspiring writers? Think of your writing as a world, you can keep evolving it through your own thoughts- don’t listen to those evil anon hate thoughts where you just harshly criticise your own work, focus on becoming your own constructive critic and don't let it stop you from writing, writing, writing. 

28: what’s a pet peeve of yours about writing [online] ? Probably over time when I reread it I find new things to add or improve, or I notice minor mistakes and it’s like this was on the internet people have seen this I can’t take it back ahhhh

29: how would you describe your writing style? I tried.

30: what author’s style would you use to associate with your own? (you may combine two if you’d like)  Um... probably like, a mix of Victoria Aveyard because the first book was focused a lot on setting and world building, like how focused she was (necessarily) on politics- and so is my story. But my characters are also a lot more emotional and diverse, so I guess you could say Rick Riordan inspired that?

31: what’s your favorite descriptive word (adjective)?  I don’t know??

32: what’s one word you think you use the most in your writing?  probably ‘and’.

33: what’s one word you use too much? probably something random like ‘lifted an eyebrow’ 

34: are you proud of your work? depends on my mood. 

35: why do you write? It’s the only thing I know the most and understand. I love expressing myself. It’s a healthy way to vent. 

[narahalara]

Hi Narah. It's me again. This time I guess I've come to vent. I broke up with my ex about 5 months ago, because it wasn't a healthy relationship anymore, and she always wanted to be friends still after. But I couldn't at the time because I didn't want to catch feelings again. Now she's fine and doesn't even need me in her life. I'm leaving her alone, and I know it's my fault that it played out this way, but idk. I just feel really shitty that a once bestfriend is now a complete stranger to me.

hello anon! I just finished finals so I am in a better state of mind to give to attempt to give advice. (also I lowkey thought you were one of my friends irl messaging me but i guess its not cause she isn’t going though a breakup so woops lawls ok serious mode sorry lol) 

For one, it’s kinda crazy how we’re kindaa in the same situation, but the only difference is I was the one who got dumped like almost 5 months ago by my ex too and I too wanted to be friends with him still, but he just abandoned our friendship to flirt with other girls so we’re truly just strangers now and I am scarred lawls 

So maybe I am not in the best position to be giving advice for something like this since I too am complete strangers with my ex BUT I will set my own biasness aside to give a genuine answer

Even though I don’t know you, I believe that you’re different since the only reason why you chose not to stay friends with her was because you just didn’t want to catch feelings anymore. Breakups hurt, it’s understandable, you weren’t trying to hurt her. You did say she is fine now anyhow, which is good! there is no need to feel like a shitty person if she is fine. 

everything happens for a reason. There are the people who you allow to stay and then the people you have to let go. Sometimes the people who were once a huge part of your life becomes just another face in the crowd. And as painful as that sounds, sometimes all we can do is just accept that. You said the relationship was unhealthy and that’s the reason why you let her go. And your life is fine, and so is hers. You two are heading down two totally different paths and that’s okay. There is no need to feel shitty about it if your intentions were genuine. People become strangers, but theres a reason for that. There’s a reason for everything, and there is no need to feel bad about it. 

I actually did dump my first ex four years ago and I avoided him because I too didn’t want to catch feeling again. He spent the whole year trying to befriend me again, but I just couldn’t befriend him because I just didn’t want to catch feelings again. I did feel like a horrible person for ruining a possible rebirth of friendship. But years have passed, and I realize everything happens for a reason. To this day we are still strangers. But his life is well and so is mines (well kinda LOL).who knows? maybe if we became friends things would’ve been different. Maybe we would’ve gotten back together, maybe everything could’ve gone down hill and we wouldve became enemies. Regardless of the possibilities of what could’ve happened, I learned that I couldn’t change the pass anymore. All I can do is cherish what we had, accept that we were strangers, and move on. I don’t feel shitty anymore about not befriending him, especially cause I knew my reason for not befriending him was only because I didn’t want to catch feelings not because of some lame reason like I wanted to talk to other boys. And your reason is the same as mines too. You might feel bad right now, but I am here to tell you there is absolutely no need for those feelings. You will be fine anon :)

I don’t know if you were seeking advice or just wanted to vent. I apologize it’s not really good advice because it was hard for me to write this since I was dumped too for the reason you broke up with your ex. But you seem like a genuine nice person. Especially cause you’ve sent me a lot of encouraging words lately which I am really thankful for :) so i am here to say you’re going to be okay!!! You are NOT a shitty person, you are HUMAN! And I don’t know who you are, but from what I tell see you have a good heart. There is a reason for everything, and you are going to be okay :)  

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Vent: So I think I might be kinda terrible? I'm at a summer camp thing right now and have been for two months - this other girl is always sick and I feel bad for her, but when I'm sick and tired (which is all the time) I get absolutely None of the sympathy that she gets? I'm invisible and have to just 'push through' and 'persevere' through feeling like I can barely stand up and walk downstairs and go do manual labor and she gets to sit in bed three times in 2 months? I'm mad and burnt out

Jealousy anon - and I get that she's diagnosed w/ stuff that I'm not but like. No one thinks I'm sick because I don't 'look bad' like I had the flu and no one believed me until I passed out on site / worked myself to exhaustion because I didn't 'look sick' but she does so she gets a pass whenever she's tired and I have to work myself into a mental and physical exhaustion and be totally bedridden in my off time to get a half day off and I fucking hate it

I don’t think you’re a terrible person at all, hon. It’s not like you’re saying that you want this other girl to receive zero sympathy or to be treated badly, all you want is to be treated equally to her and you’re upset about the unfairness. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be treated fairly, or to be angry and hurt that people are just ignoring your suffering.

As someone with an invisible chronic illness, I completely understand what you’re saying. It makes me feel like a terrible person as well, but sometimes I feel almost envious of people with cancer, because they just get so much recognition and sympathy and understanding of the fact that they’re suffering, it seems like healthy people fall all over themselves to be kind and supportive and to help them out since everybody knows how serious and terrible cancer is. 

I absolutely don’t want to have cancer, I wouldn’t trade illnesses, but by contrast, nobody acknowledges or recognizes my condition, people don’t offer to help me or raise money for me or go on charity walks for me, people run out of sympathy for me, people think I look fine so I must be lazy or exaggerating, I have to suck it up and act as normal as possible because I’ll get looked at as if I’m crazy if I told the truth of how I feel and everything that’s wrong with me. I don’t want people with cancer to receive any less support or help, I just wish that people would extend the same to me and treat me with that same care and sympathy.

We’re not bad for wanting to be acknowledged and supported, and for resenting the fact that we aren’t. Our pain matters, and we deserve for others to believe it matters too.