#and i know i say this literally all the time but plastic beach was never finished for a reason lol

[pummelingbat]

see, i actually think the problem with Gorillaz getting any kind of feature-length film and/or an animated series that is plot driven at all is that by this point in the band's existence it would be impossible for them to produce something that would meet fan expectations...

i've noticed that the nature of Gorillaz as a largely decentralized collaborative project means that everyone wants something different out of it, you know? fans tend to engage with it on wildly differing levels, depending on how engaged they are with a specific era of the band, a specific take on the characters, with the the actual musicians behind it, etc etc etc... by now the idea of "Gorillaz, but as a concrete narrative in a linear medium" has been so long hyped-up that i'd be willing to bet every demographic of fan has a very specific vision for what that looks like. and you just can't cater to all of them at once.

esp given the Gorillaz track record over the years of taking on projects that are way, way over-ambitious for the resources it has, i feel like through no fault of the band it'd be hard for the final product to be anything other than underwhelming...

idk Gorillaz is so interesting to me because of how amorphous it is, and always has been, as a project. i feel like that's just a quality that's been baked into the concept from the start, and i really wonder if trying to fully tie that down would please anybody as much as they think it would.

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙days like these | DR3˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: daniel ricciardo x y/n reader (she/her)

genre: social media au, established relationship

warnings: random fluffy shite

summary: in which you're so active on social media and your fans eat it up

a/n: kind of the daniel version of This Fic i made from a lando request !!!

fc: various brunette girls from pinterest

my masterlist

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, maxverstappen1, and 332,782 others

yourusername your favs

tagged: danielricciardo

view all 3,193 comments

maxverstappen1 neither of you are my favourites

yourusername you stink + no one asked + ratio + my bf is hotter than urs

maxverstappen1 what are you saying to me right now

yourusername you heard me

danielricciardo hahahahah

maxverstappen1 daniel tell your girlfriend to leave me alone please

yourusername this is literally my post

user3 y/n is the funniest & best wag tbh she's literally right she is our fav

user4 im in love with u

danielricciardo wow you are gorgeous and amazing

yourusername i know right

user5 i love them so bad

twitter ->

instagram ->

danielricciardo

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 881,034 others

danielricciardo girl is always eating

tagged: yourusername

view all 12,729 comments

yourusername what is wrong with you

danielricciardo huh??

yourusername WHY WOULD YOU POST THESE UGLY ASS PICS OF ME

danielricciardo wtf you literally look hot as hell

maxverstappen1 😂😂😂

yourusername i know you aint laughing at me sloth verstappen

maxverstappen1 🤐🤐🤐

user9 how can someone still look this hot whilst eating

user10 omg i love her

user11 now this is why she's everyone's fav wag

user12 reason 10292 more like

francisca.cgomes how did you bag such a hottie

danielricciardo ask myself this everyday

yourusername OMG KIKA im blushing

danielricciardo wow she doesnt care when i compliment her

francisca.cgomes what can i say 🤷‍♀️

twitter ->

instagram ->

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, danielricciardo, and 289,061 others

yourusername beach day with my gf

tagged: francisca.cgomes

view all 6,293 comments

pierregasly ???

yourusername and what do u want

pierregasly my girlfriend back?

yourusername not right now, sorry

francisca.cgomes the girls are fighting over mee

user16 I LOVE THEMMM OMG

user17 wag besties 🥹

francisca.cgomes i love u

yourusername i love you

danielricciardo so this is why u didnt text me back today

yourusername I DROPPED MY PHONE IN THE SEA OK

maxverstappen1 😂😂😂

yourusername next time i see u it's on site

maxverstappen1 😰

user18 hahaha max never says a word and still gets roasted

maxverstappen1

liked by landonorris, kellypiquet, and 917,892 others

maxverstappen1 Cool 😎

view all 11,013 comments

user19 IS THAT DANIEL & Y/N IN THE LAST SLIDE

user20 LOL more comments about y/n than max himself

kellypiquet ❤️❤️

liked by maxverstappen1

user29 Y/N Y/N Y/N Y/N ‼️

yourusername obsessed with my man much

maxverstappen1 i'll block you

yourusername booooooo max verstappen booooooooo tomatoes tomatoes

danielricciardo be nice y/n

yourusername no

maxverstappen1 what is wrong with her

user30 i cant tell if y/n actually has real beef with max or not 😭😭

user31 surely not hahah she's literally in his photo dump

twitter ->

instagram ->

danielricciardo

liked by yourusername, francisca.cgomes, and 771,829 others

danielricciardo my woman

tagged: yourusername

view all 8,183 comments

user35 bet he's sucking up to her

user36 awww the flower in the plastic cup

user37 the bows on the uggs she's just a girl fr

yourusername i havent forgotten what you said daniel

danielricciardo im sorry for calling you unemployed even though you are

yourusername right.

maxverstappen1 a taste of your own medicine for once

*comment deleted by maxverstappen1*

yourusername i saw that maxverstappen1

maxverstappen1 saw what

user37 boooo we want y/n & daniel fluff

danielricciardo she wont love me anymore

user38 get her some flowers or something daniel

user39 yea man up

yourusername 🤔

danielricciardo give the people what they want

yourusername fine i forgive u. and i love u

danielricciardo ! i love you so much

user40 and the crowd goes wild!!!

THE END ❤️

[zhvakinnn]

Can I get a Polyamory Sbg where gn reader is always like prepared. Examples; Logan needs to clean his glasses, oh reader has cleaning solution and lens wipes. It’s to loud for Ashlyn, don’t worry reader has noise canceling headphones. Aiden hurts himself? Reader is already pulling out there med kit. Oh? Your hungry? Reader has everyone’s favorite snacks in there bag. Thirsty? Reader has some juice boxes.

Hi hi everyone sorry i was very inactive for very very long time because I had to take care of myself and school is pretty hard aswell

But anyway's to the person who requested this im sorry but this is gonna end up platonic because im not sure how to make a polyamory with siblings and cousins are involved in sorry if you need more information why just comment

🌺as always i don't know much English so if something is wrong correct me🌺

Characters: poly sbg x reader (platonic)

Warnings: none

"I swear you guys (name) is literally Doraemon I mean look they just pulled the most random things in they're bag!" Aiden exclaimed while everyone is laughing

You then notice Taylor grumble in pain "hey Tay you okay?" You said they everyone looked at her " she's in her month" Tyler said "dudeee" "what?!, what am I supposed to tell them your having a baby?!" Taylor just sigh and throw a pillow at Tyler

You then started to search your bag and you pulled out a heating pad and a treats "hey Tay here so the pain can go away quickly" "heyy what about me" Tyler said and you threw him a chocolate, laughing at him

"see what im telling you guys" they all laugh with you "you know im starting to think that your Doraemon too" "aww not you too Logan"

"shoot I left my headphones.. hey (name) do you happen to have-" "yup" you pulled the headphones from your bag "huh thanks Doraemon" Ashlyn said breaking a smile and laughing"hey! Atleast be great full that I let you borrow that" she just waved at you

"how did it even fit there without getting crushed or broken" Tyler tried to peak you pulled away "I have my ways

"its almost like you packed you whole house" Logan laugh at his own comment

You were all at the park this time just having fun and then you'll never know someone suddenly got injured

Which happened now

Logan has a broken glasses and Aiden has a red forehead nobody would thought that Logan will be involved in this things

So you gave Ben something to cover Aiden's scratches while you cover Logan's "hey (name)-..." "You don't have to say it I have an extra glasses just the same as the broken one" you explain and Logan smiled at you " thank you... Doraemon" you're smiled faded as soon as he said that you lighty punch his arm

Now this time your at the beach you all are just walking when you suddenly noticed that Ben stopped walking you came up to him and he showed you the broken slippers

You kneel down and pulled a pair of slippers in a plastic "don't worry they fit your big foot" Ben laugh and you know what his gonna say

You waited for him to finish the text " thank you so much, were lucky that you're our Doraemon" at this point you don't care you just laugh with him, they're so lucky that they have someone who could go to whenever or wherever

Hope you guys like this, and to whoever liked this and got confused I accidentally posted it

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

‘realize’ for the word ask thingy!! -galaxy

I see this and I raise you:

Doll!Reader helping Ken realize that horses exist in Barbieland

..........

"You weren't kidding..we really did have horses here all along.."

"Glad you finally realized that, Ken." With a small chuckle, you turned back to your horse, taking the pink plastic brush to her mane as you gently combed through the fluff.

"There you go, girlie...how do you keep getting these knots, hm?" You cooed, to which she snorted in reply, seeming content.

All the while, Ken couldn't stop staring at you both in awe, still trying to process what he was seeing before his very eyes.

A horse in Barbieland.

If only he knew they existed here, too, before he decided to take over everything and reinvented patriarchy.

The one time you decided to come into town....was when this seemingly perfect paradise was rapidly transformed into "Kendom", where the Kens took over the dreamhouses and attempted to rewrite the entire constitution.

They attempted to brainwash you as they did other Barbies into servitude, but since you weren't a Barbie yourself...it didn't really work.

Yet Ken, aka Beach Ken who went to the Real World with Stereotypical Barbie and returned as a completely different person, tried convincing you to stick around, showing off all the horse-themed stuff he had.

Despite you being a doll literally centered around equine care, he kept talking over you, spouting nothing but inaccurate horse facts and firmly believing he knew more than you.

As far as he was aware..horses only existed in the Real World, where men rode them and owned them and were the ultimate symbols of manhood.

When he made a jab at your job and refused to believe it's your actual profession, you snapped and nearly ripped his horseshoe chain necklace off of him, embarrassing him in front of all the other Kens, before you called out to your horse.

His jaw dropped as he saw her appear out of nowhere, and you mounted her and glared at him, mockingly asking if he still believed they're only from the Real World. Then you galloped all the way back home, refusing to hear his response.

You haven't returned since, and he struggled to maintain his image as a manly and "cool" leader after that revelation was dropped on him like an anvil.

After all was said and done, and Barbieland was restored to its former glory, Ken decided to go look for you. After realizing that patriarchy didn't make him happy, he wanted to make amends (and see your horses, but mostly make amends) and admit that scorning your job was shitty.

He kept rehearsing what he was going to say during the long walk to your home....but ended up faltering at your doorstep, becoming an anxious wreck until you let him in.

You weren't inclined to, at first, although seeing as he no longer wore that stupid mink coat and instead had a tie-dye hoodie that said "I Am Kenough", you figured he finally had some sense knocked into him.

Plus, the fact that he walked all this way was surprising..until you remembered Kens didn't drive cars or use bikes.

Even so, it's obvious that he genuinely wanted to make things right.

So both of you talked for a while, with him concluding that he felt stressed and unsure of what to do with his life now that Barbie's out of the picture.

He felt like he didn't belong anywhere near her dreamhouse, and he wasn't ready to go back to the Real World anytime soon. He just felt...stuck.

You didn't have too many words to comfort him with, given you've never been there and you've never dealt with the complex human emotions he just started experiencing himself.

But you did know how to cheer him up.

So you took him outside to one of the fenced arenas at your ranch, whistling for your horse, and she came trotting over.

Ken was awestruck, watching you tend to the gentle creature as you finished brushing her mane. He stepped closer to the fence, unsure of what to do or what to say...or even if he was allowed to be this close.

However you could see the look in his eyes, and the hesitancy in his body language, and ultimately relented.

You couldn't stay mad at him for eternity.

"You can pet her if you wanna."

He blinked in surprise, before looking at your horse again and cautiously reaching out to her face. For a moment she stared at him, and the abrupt snort made him flinch away.

"I-I...don't think she likes me.." He frowned.

"It's okay, Ken. She only acts like that 'cuz you're reaching for her mouth and don't have any food. Here. Let me help."

You took his hand, ignoring the way he stared at you with a growing blush on his face while you guided him. But eventually his focus shifted back to the horse as he felt soft fur beneath his fingertips, eyes widening as he looked to see his hand resting just above her nose.

Her ears flicked to the side, though besides that..she didn't react in any hostile way.

He was in childlike amazement, gently petting her and brushing his fingers through her mane. And you stepped back, allowing the two to bond, before noticing the tears welling up in his eyes.

"Are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah...this is just awesome. She's nothing like the ones on those stupid TVs we had."

"Nope. They can't compare to her." You chuckled, leaning against one of the posts with a warm smile. "She's the real deal."

[runningfrom2am]

big reputation - (r.c)

summary: Rafe drives you and your hardly conscious friend home from a party.

This can be read as a stand-alone but it's technically a part two to getaway car

pairing: rafe x reader

wc: 3k

tags/warnings: mean!kook!reader, bullying i guess?, highschool!au, swearing, drinking, emetophobia warning, smut (its implied nothing actually graphic happens)

requests

nav/masterlists

Loud music shakes the floor of the beach house you're in, filling your ears with Taylor Swift's 'End Game'. One of your favorites. You smile leaning over the railing of the loft, the world spinning as you talk to a giggly Bella, forgetting every sentence the second it leaves your lips.

"Bells, I just love you so much. Have I ever told you that before?" You say, cutting off your friend as she talks.

"Aww, I love you too. So, so much." She replies, throwing her arms around you as you both stumble and fall against the railing.

"Woah! Careful ladies." You hear a male voice close to you and a hand on your back.

"Hi! Quinton, oh my god." Bella giggles before you can identify him, pulling him into what is now a group hug.

"Had too much to drink tonight, huh?" The boy asks and you both furiously shake your heads.

"No! We would never." You say, stopping the head shake as it makes you dizzy.

"Just the good kind of drunk then? I'm glad to hear it." He laughs, dropping his arm from Bella's shoulder and leaning onto you still. You reach up and place your hand on his arm as it falls over your body.

"Yeah! It's so good. It's been too long since we've had a good party, you know?" Bella says, smiling between the two of you.

"Literally! I missed being drunk." You giggle.

"Me too, you're so funny when you're drunk," Quinton says, patting your shoulder.

"I like to think I'm funny all the time." You say, raising an eyebrow as you turn to look up at him.

"Well, duh, just a different kind of funny. More carefree." He explains. "Less... uptight, you know?"

"Oh please." You roll your eyes. "You pretty much have to be uptight to even get into Kook Academy. Bells is an outlier." You laugh.

"So true, actually." Quinton agrees.

Before you can reply, Bella speaks up and proves her right. "I'm gonna go get another drink, I think. Do you want one? Or a water? Actually, yeah I'll get you a water, Y/N/N. It'll be good for you. Yeah." Bella rambles on, quickly tapping you on the shoulder and pointing at you before heading unsteadily toward the stairs. "I'll be right back!" She shouts over the music as she gets farther away.

"Thank you, Bells!" You call after her.

"Come with me," Quinton says, leaning down to speak in your ear, then placing a kiss on your neck.

Shivers run down your back even in your drunken state, looking down the stairs and seeing Bella stopped at the bottom talking to some girls. "I should probably wait here for Bells." You reply, in contrast to you leaning your head to the side to give him more access to your skin.

"She'll be at least ten minutes. Come on." He whispers, dropping his arm from your shoulder and grabbing your wrist, leading you away from the railing and back to a somehow unoccupied bedroom. You suppose she'll be fine, she's got those girls with her and you'll find her in just a few minutes.

Downstairs, Bella stumbles into the kitchen, looking around for an empty cup, and checking all the plastic red cups littered across the countertops. "Bella!" She hears her name and turns.

"Hey! Topper! How are you?" She slurs, immediately walking up to him and giving him a hug.

"Wow, you've had a few, haven't you?" He laughs, patting her back and then pulling away.

"How could you tell?" She giggles.

"Just a guess." He shrugs. "Hey! We're about to start up a game of Chandelier- you want to tap in? We're gonna team up on Kelce, at the very least it'll be a funny watch." Topper says, laughing through the end of his statement.

"Yeah, for sure!" Bella nods, then looks down at the cups in her hands. "Oh, well, I need to get Y/N some water first. Do you think I have time?"

"She'll be fine for a few minutes, you know her." He insists. "If you don't want to drink anymore, someone else will drink for you I'm sure."

Bella thinks about it for a second and nods. She knows you're as independent as they come, but she still does worry about you. She dismisses the thought, remembering you're with Quinton and would probably like some time alone with him anyways. "Okay, sure. Sounds like fun." She agrees, following Topper out to the patio where the game table is placed.

"Hey Bella, you gonna play?" Rafe asks her as she takes her place at the table, squeezing in between Kelce and Topper.

"Yeah! I've never played this before so I'll have to learn as I go but you guys might need some patience for me." She giggles out, not really standing steady on her feet as it is.

Rafe raises his eyebrows and nods, looking at her a little surprised. "Right, yeah." He gives Topper a look, suggesting it may not be the best idea for her to play. "Hey, Bella, where's Y/N?" He asks, leaning over the table a little as the boys work on filling up all the cups with various drinks they had on hand.

"Oh! Uh, she's upstairs." Bella answers, smiling and leaning in a little bit. "With Quin. I figured I'd give them some alone time." She giggles, winking at him.

"Oh, gotcha. Cool." Rafe finds himself looking up towards the windows on the second floor, not sure what he was expecting or even wanting to see.

"Yeah, I'm excited for her! I think she's really into him. Well, that's what she says. She never seems interested when I want to talk about it, though. She does have some issues so I think it could be about that. Sorry, no. I shouldn't say that- I mean, I just worry about her because of some stuff that's happened to her and I definitely shouldn't be telling any of you this so I'm gonna stop talking right now." Bella rambles on, slowly trailing off toward the end of her sentence.

"No you're fine- we won't tell anyone," Topper says, shaking his head. "Who hasn't had a sprinkle of trauma in their lives, you know?"

"Let's just play," Rafe says, quickly polishing off what's left in his can before tossing it over his shoulder. "Me and you start, Top. That way Bells can see how it's done."

It's been about half an hour since Bella left to go get your drinks, and part of you feels guilty for disappearing on her. Realistically, though, you know she doesn't mind finding someone else to talk to for a bit while you're sitting on the ensuite bathroom counter with Quinton's head between your thighs. She's got tons of friends- and god knows she'll love to hear about it later.

Your head is leaning back against the mirror, eyes closed and all you can hear is your own heavy breathing and the music shaking the walls from downstairs. That's until you think you hear someone calling your name, then a hand on the bedroom door handle which is in full view of the open bathroom door. Why did you not lock it? You shove Quinton's head away as quickly as you can, just in time to push your skirt down before the door swings open.

"Y/N-" It's Rafe, and he freezes for just a moment, clearly processing what he almost walked in on as Quinton stands up, wiping his mouth on his shirt which he just picked up off the floor.

"Hey, Rafe- what's up?" He asks casually, pulling the fabric back over his head. As you stare at the boy, stunned and red in the face. 

"Uh- I need Y/N. Something happened." He explains vaguely, grabbing your arm and pulling you from the room.

"Jesus Christ, Rafe! What the fuck?" You say once you're out of earshot, letting him pull you down the stairs.

"It's Bella, she keeps asking for you. She's like, super fucked up." Rafe huffs, pulling you out onto the patio.

"Okay yeah, aren't we all?" You scoff and he shakes his head. You take one look at your friend, laid out on the grass on the back lawn and quickly run over to her, kneeling by her side.

"Hey, Bells? You alright, babe?" You say, a sympathetic smile on your face. She absolutely does not look good.

"No..." She groans, opening her eyes to look up at you. "Can we go home?" She asks, and you quickly nod. 

"Of course. Uh... yes. Do you think you're gonna be sick? Will you be fine if I call an Uber?" You ask.

Rafe is quickly kneeling next to you. "I got some water, here, Bella, let's get you up." He says, and you both help her slowly sit up, then he hands her the cup.

He leans in close to your ear to talk to you so she doesn't hear. "She puked all over the table- she's probably done for now but she's gotta get home." 

You wince and look back up on the patio where Kelce and Topper are throwing cups into a garbage bag and dousing the surface with any cleaner they could find under the sink and covering it in paper towels. "Yikes." You chuckle, turning to look back at him.

"Yeah, it was not pretty." He laughs a little, shaking his head. "Do you guys have a DD?" He asks.

"No, we were going to Uber- but I don't know if they'll let us in." You sigh, sitting back on your heels.

"No, no. 'm fine, guys. I take it back. I wanna stay." Bella insists, handing you the almost empty cup.

"Well, I think I'm ready to go home, babe. That okay?" You smile at her and she nods.

"Of course! Yeah, let's go home." You giggle at how quickly she changed her mind.

"I think I can drive," Rafe says, looking between the two of you. You hesitate, thinking it over. "I haven't had much. I was going to drive myself anyways. Do you trust me?"

You find yourself nodding. He seems sober enough for you. "Yeah, okay. Rafe is going to take us home." You turn to your friend, patting her leg.

"Oh! Thank you, Rafe. You're so sweet." She slurs, reaching forward and placing her hand on his cheek.

He laughs, shaking his head. "That's a new one for sure. Come on. Let's get you home."

You both help her up, letting her drape her arms over both of your shoulders and holding her waist as you walk out to the street, towards where Rafe says he parked. Luckily he didn't take the bike, he was thinking he'd probably have to drive Topper and Kelce too.

He watches you as you talk to Bella quietly, giggling to yourselves. "Oh god, wait! Y/N I'm so sorry- you were with Quinton!" Bella says suddenly, now loud enough for Rafe to hear. "I hope I didn't ruin anything- oh god..."

"No, no. Bells, it's fine." You insist, shaking your head. "It wasn't good anyways." You shrug, making Rafe choke on his laughter.

"What? Why?" Bella gasps, looking over at you. "Was he-"

"Uh-" You laugh nervously cutting her off as you briefly make eye contact with Rafe over her head. "I'll tell you about it later, okay?"

"No, please- share with the group," Rafe says, raising an eyebrow at you.

You roll your eyes. "I'm not gonna 'share with the group', let's just say, I'm over him now and I'd like to thank you both for getting me out of there."

The two of them laugh at that, and Bella tries to lean in to whisper to you. "You'll still tell me the details later though, right?" She says, trying to be quiet but it was still loud enough for Rafe to hear.

"Yeah, yeah of course." You giggle, making eye contact with him again.

"Uh, this is us," Rafe says, digging in his pocket for his keys to unlock the vehicle. He opens the back door, and you both help Bella in. "Okay, not to be that asshole, but Bella; if you have to puke, now is the time because I really don't want it to stink in here." He says as you buckle her in. She nods and gives a thumbs-up.

"I'm good. I promise."

"Okay, Bells, if you think that you're going to puke while we're moving, say something, okay? We can pull over or roll down your window or something." You tell her and she nods again. 

You hop in the passenger seat and Rafe jogs around to the driver's side, climbing in and starting it up. You drive in the direction of Bella's house, putting on any Taylor Swift he had on his phone at her every request- not that you minded. It was mostly Reputation, which was fine by you since that was your favorite as well.

Luckily, you make it to Bella's without a hitch, jumping out to go enter the gate code to be let onto the property. You quickly jump back in and Rafe pulls up the long driveway to her house. 

"Rafe! Here, hold on- how much do you want?" Bella asks, digging through the bag on her lap. 

"Don't pay me." Rafe laughs, shaking his head. 

"Okay, well, I guess I'm just going to accidentally leave this fifty back here where you can't reach it. Oopsies." She laughs, tucking it in the back seat and wrapping her arm around you again as she pretty much falls out of the car.

"Yeah, whatever Bella." Rafe chuckles, shaking his head. "Hey, Y/N, are you staying here? Or do you need a ride home?" Rafe asks as you're about to shut the door.

"Uh, I think I'll go home if you're okay to wait a couple minutes while I get her to bed?" You ask and he nods.

"I'll be here." He assures you and you thank him before shutting the door, helping Bella up to her house, and entering the code to get in.

"Wait, wait, tell me about Quinton!" Bella whispers once you're inside as you help her upstairs to her room.

"I'll tell you tomorrow- we'll debrief at brunch, yeah?" You laugh, shutting the door to her room behind you.

"Okay, okay." Bella sighs, flopping down on her bed as you grab her a makeup wipe and some pajamas from her drawer. "You know what I've been thinking?"

"Hm?" You hum in response, placing the pajamas on the bed and sitting down next to her, holding her chin as she sits up so you can gently wipe off her makeup for her.

"I think you and Rafe are like, the same person. You have a lot in common! You're both the oldest of three, you both are a little bit mean, but like in a fun way, and you have virtually the exact same sense of humor." She says and you laugh, shaking your head. "If you're over Quinton now, like you said, maybe- I don't know, just a pitch, maybe you should consider all your options. That's all I'm saying." 

"Bella, come on. Rafe is... Rafe." You laugh, carefully wiping her lashes. 

"Yeah, and you are you. And I'm me. And you're kind of friends, so like- what's the harm? Also, I can see it in the way he looks at you." She says, eyes still closed. "Besides, I've heard it's big." 

"Bella!" You laugh, your cheeks burning as you sigh. "I've heard that too." You admit.

"Okay! You can get us evidence and give me all the tea. Neither of you are the relationship type either so there's no pressure." She explains. "But also, like, I really don't think a relationship would be bad for you. Or him. If you are as similar as I think you are. Also, you kind of went on a date the other week! Like, come on. You get on so well."

You smile to yourself and shake your head, getting up to throw out the dirty wipe. "I've got to go, Rafe is waiting." You giggle and she nods, laying back down. "Hey, put your pajamas on before you pass out. Okay? I'll see you in the morning." You head back to the door.

"Go get your man, Y/N/N. I love you." Bella yawns, already half asleep.

"Love you too. I'll call you in the morning." You whisper, stepping out and closing the door softly behind you, careful not to wake her parents.

You sneak outside, running over to the car where Rafe is still waiting, looking at his phone when you jump in.

"She good?" He asks as you close the door.

"Yeah, passed out instantly." You chuckle, avoiding eye contact with him. 

"Sweet. Yeah." He agrees, sensing a shift in tension. He starts the car and you start back down the driveway, getting back out onto the road after closing the gate behind you.

"So, did you tell her about Quinton?" Rafe laughs.

"No, that's a breakfast conversation for sure." You chuckle.

"A breakfast conversation? Really? Why do you have to put other people through that?"

You shrug in response. "Because I don't give a shit if anyone knows." 

"That guy is a dick, you know that right?" Rafe says suddenly, and you look over at him as he stares at the road.

"Well, yeah, but we're kind of friends so..." You reply defensively.

"He's not worth your time. I know him pretty well, and just like, don't bother." Rafe says, glancing over at you for a second.

"Maybe I'm not worth his time." You reply.

"Nah. You can do so much better. And it wouldn't be hard." Rafe insists.

"Thanks." You say hesitantly. You've never been the best at accepting compliments, but Bella has told you to work on it, so when in doubt, just say thanks.

Luckily you don't live far from Bella, so you pull up to your house in just a few minutes. You open the door, grab your bag off the floor by your feet, and going to shut the door. You've been sitting on what Bella said, really just marinating in the thought of you and Rafe together. No harm in trying, right?

"Aren't you coming in?" It comes out more passive-aggressively than you intended when what you meant to ask was if he would like to come in, but that's just not how your mind works sometimes. His head snaps up at this, and he's already undoing his seatbelt.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure." He agrees quickly, turning off the car.

part one

taglist: @slut4drudy , @madelynie , @mutual-mendes , @sadfury , @totallynotkaibiased (i also tagged some mutuals who like my other stuff so if you want to be added or removed lmk!!)

[chanaleah]

an personal narrative speech on israel i wrote for school

note that this was written for an audience who mostly doesn't know anything about Israel.

essay below if the images are not working for you/you have a screen reader

I was at Hebrew School, my legs against the cold plastic chair of the over-air conditioned synagogue basement, and I was bored. My eyes fell over the posters on the wall — the Rambam’s ladder of Tzedakah, common Hebrew words, and a large map, almost my size, of Israel.

I had looked at this map so many times, so many days. But I had never really looked at it. My eyes traced the coastline … Ashkelon, Ashdod, Tel Aviv, Haifa, Akko. In the center, Jerusalem. At the bottom, Eilat. And at the very top, the little tip wedged between Lebanon and the Golan, Kiryat Shmona. 

Israel is a small country, about the size of New Jersey, located in the Middle East. It borders the Mediterranean Sea and is home to almost 10 million people. It is the only country with a Jewish majority, but it also has large Arab and Druze minorities. Many holy sites for the main three Abrahamic religions — Judaism, Christianity, and Islam — are located in Israel.

As a kid growing up in the Jewish community, Israel was a common topic of conversation. We had Israelis come and visit us, a lot of us had family there, and most people we knew had visited Israel. We learned the Hebrew words for things like ice cream (glidah) and dog (kelev). We used the Hebrew pronunciation of words like hummus (huh-miss), which we said houmous (choo-moose).

We celebrated the new year of the trees in January (which doesn’t really make any sense in [redacted]) and we prayed for rain during services.

Really, whether or not we said it, we knew, we could feel, that everything we did… our prayers, our traditions, all traced back to Israel.

But here’s the weird thing… I’ve never been to Israel. I’ve never even really been close to Israel. I’ve never swum at the beach in Tel Aviv, never walked the cobblestone streets of Jerusalem, never felt the heat bearing down on me as I climbed Masada. I’ve never placed a folded up prayer in the Western Wall, never smelled the aromas of spices and herbs at a shuk, never read the ancient names on the graves at the Mount of Olives. And even though I’ve never stood on the grounds my ancestors stood on, put my hands where they did, and breathed the air they breathed, I can still feel these places. They’re in my DNA… literally. 

The traditions of the Jewish community connect me to my roots. When the kingdom of Judah, where Jews are from, located in modern day Israel, was taken over by the Romans, the Jews were forced out of our homeland, and we became dispersed throughout the word. As Rudy Rochman, an Israeli activist, says, Judaism “is a portable suitcase of a native people's identity that was created to preserve who they were after their forceful displacement from… Israel.” Every Jew throughout the world, no matter where we are; in the United States, Israel, or France, continues to carry this suitcase that connects us back to where we came from.

Today, when I celebrate Jewish holidays, I know there are people halfway around the world doing the same things I’m doing. They sing the same prayers, eat the same foods, and participate in the same traditions. They are all drawing from a suitcase that looks a lot like mine.

Today, about half of the world’s Jews live in the United States, and about half live in Israel. My traditions and culture connect me to all Jews, but my traditions also tie me to that land. I know that if I wanted to, or if I needed to, I could move to Israel. I could become a part of that country — the country I already love so much. 

But today, there are a lot of challenges with loving Israel — at least in the sense of the modern nation state. Currently, Israel is locked in a conflict with Palestine — a conflict you’ve probably heard about in the news — that has been going on for over a century. Today, neither Israel nor Palestine are completely innocent or guilty in this conflict. Israel, as much as I love it and feel connected to it, has done a lot of things I disagree with. And it’s hard for me to love Israel when I constantly see things in the news that make me facepalm, and when I know that the Israeli government is doing things I don’t agree with.

I love Israel. But love is complicated. It’s not black and white. I love Israel as my homeland, the place that birthed my people. And that love is paradoxical. I accept it as it is now, and I want it to get better. 

But now that I think about it, I realize that love means caring enough for something that you’re willing to work for it. Love means believing that peace, and a better future, is possible. Love means that a better way will be found. Because you don’t just walk away from something you love when it doesn’t meet your expectations.

So someday, I will go to Israel, and when I swim at the beach in Tel Aviv, walk the cobblestone streets of Jerusalem, and feel the heat bearing down on me as I climb Masada — I’m not going to be thinking about news headlines or military operations. I’m not going to be thinking about disappointment and failures. I’m going to be thinking about the three thousand years of history and tradition that led me back to the land of my ancestors.

[memento-rory]

✭ 𝐭���𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞: 𝒂 𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆.

✭ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: your family owns a beach house that you frequent every summer, but this summer, you’re the only one able to go stay. your parents allow you and your best friend to stay alone, but use it as an opportunity to teach you ‘responsibility’ by charging you for rent and utilities. fully unable to afford the obscene amount they’re charging you, you start a search for roommates. several people take you up on the offer, including ethan, your old summer love.

✭ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: erm a lot of rushed exposition! 😵‍💫

✭ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: ~2.7k

✭ 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: based on a book i read once called ocean city. zuzu has inspired me to write an ethan series. no beta, we die like men here. hope y’all enjoy! 🩵

You heaved a heavy sigh as you bent down to retrieve the Keystone — an inconspicuous, hollowed out plastic rock housing the spare house key — out of the pile of rocks that lined the walkway up to your parents’ beach house. You’d literally just made it to town, and you’d already had your first screw up — leaving your beach house key back at home.

“It’s okay!” Your best friend Ivy was quick to try to reassure you, “We’ll just run down to a locksmith and get a new copy. No one will ever have to know.”

Ah, yes. The first secret of many to come this summer.

The second secret? Searching for roommates.

Your parents had granted you permission to stay at the family beach house by yourself (or, rather, with a friend) since the rest of your family members had prior obligations keeping them from being able to join you, but under the condition that you paid them rent and utilities and general upkeep of the house. They figured it would be a good opportunity to teach you about responsibility, despite the fact that you’d been living on your own for the better part of a year. You already knew all about responsibility, but you didn’t argue. A summer at the beach house by yourself sounded like an absolute dream, and you weren’t about to give them a reason to tell you no.

Given the, frankly, obscene amount they decided they were going to charge you, you knew there was no way that you and Ivy were going to be able to cover all of the expenses, so Ivy hatched up the genius plan to put out an ad for roommates. Your parents would kill you if they ever found out, but what choice did you have? It’s not like Lou’s Surf Shop paid the big bucks.

The ad was already made and printed out, ready to be put up at Beachy Brews Café as soon as you and Ivy got settled.

After unlocking the door, you let it swing open, and you nearly jumped out of your skin as you noticed someone standing in the middle of the living room.

“Surprise!”

In front of you was Mateo, the son of some family friends, looking way more grown up than you remembered. He jogged over to the front door, pulling you in for a hug.

“Teo!” You beamed, still in shock, “What are you doing here? How did you get in?”

Mateo’s eyes twinkled as he pulled away from you. “I live here!”

You cocked your head in confusion. You knew he lived in town, he’d been a local all his life. That had to be what he meant, right?

“Well, I take that back. I live in the boathouse,” Mateo explained, “Your folks hired me to take care of the boats this summer after I mentioned I was lookin’ for a place of my own. It’s no beach house, but I get to use the amenities, so it’s good enough for me.”

It finally dawned on you. “You mean they hired you to keep an eye on me.” Your eyes narrowed just slightly, and Mateo shot you a cheeky grin.

“Maybe they offered extra for that, sure,” He shrugged, chuckling quietly at the scowl that formed on your face, “But I’m not a narc. You’ve got nothin’ to worry about, baby.”

You believed him, and even if you didn’t, you knew he’d never say anything. You knew plenty of secrets about Mateo, having grown up with him, and he knew you’d waste no time spilling them if you had to.

Ivy loudly cleared her throat beside you.

“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry. Ivy, this is Mateo. He’s a family friend.” You said, gesturing toward the young man, “And Mateo, this is Ivy.”

“The infamous Ivy finally shows her face!” Mateo teased, extending his hand out for a handshake, “You have no idea how excited I am to finally meet you. (Y/N) talks about you all the time.”

“Likewise,” Ivy smirked at Mateo, “I’ve heard a lot about you, too.”

You just barely resisted the urge to elbow Ivy. Yeah, okay, you’d had a bit of a crush on him growing up, but that had long passed… Or, you thought it had, but now that you had seen Mateo looking so grown up and handsome, that little crush threatened to emerge once more.

“Anyway,” You started, grabbing a hold of your bags again, “Ivy and I need to get settled and then we’re heading to Beachy Brews. Gotta put out an ad for roommates.”

“Roommates?” Mateo’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yeah, dude. You know how much my parents are charging me for this place? Meanwhile they’re paying you to live here.”

“Okay,” Mateo held his hands up in surrender, laughing at your quip, “Don’t have to get aggro with me. I get it.”

“Sorry,” You apologized, taking a deep breath, “It’s just annoying to be a grown adult and still not be trusted by my family. It’s like they purposefully made it so I wouldn’t be able to afford this stay.”

“Hey, no, I get it,” Mateo said, “I think roommates are a great idea, and I can help you vet them. I basically know everyone around here.”

“Cool,” You breathed out, smiling over at him, before turning to Ivy, “You get first pick on rooms. I’m gonna take my usual room.”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Ivy grinned, taking off up the stairs, with you following close behind.

Your room looked exactly as you left it last summer, but then again, it always did. The room was one of the only things that never changed throughout your life. Souvenirs from all the years you’d spent there littered the room — stuffed animals won from the boardwalk, shells and sand dollars collected from the beach, pictures of you, your siblings, your family friends.

You were honestly a little bummed that your family couldn’t be with you this summer, but another part of you was kind of glad. Most of the time you were at the mercy of your siblings, always doing what they wanted to do, never really getting to do what you wanted to do. It would be nice to have a summer entirely to yourself, with no one else to answer to, to call all of the shots.

Your fingers ghosted over a photo you really weren’t sure why you had kept all these years. You, around sixteen years old, with your arms around a young boy’s waist, grin so wide that it nearly looked unnatural. The boy’s expression matched yours. The twinkling lights of the pier illuminated your smiling faces.

Ethan Nestor. Your first ever boyfriend, or at least, the first one that ever counted.

You’d met him one fateful summer years ago, absolutely smitten with him from the moment you saw him. The two of you had been inseparable that summer, sharing many firsts together — first date, first kiss, first… well… you know. First love.

But like all good things, it had to come to an end. The two of you thought you could do something long distance, just having to hold out to the next summer, but with school and activities and whatnot, your conversations eventually fizzled out until both of you disappeared from each other’s lives. For a while, you looked for him every summer, but he never showed back up.

It was probably for the best. That’s what you’d always told yourself, anyway. It didn’t matter, though. You’d moved on, several times, in fact. Ethan was merely a happy memory now.

You let your hand drop from the photo, returning to unpacking your bags. As soon as you had everything in its rightful place, Ivy wandered into your room.

“Oh, this is so cute!” Ivy said, flopping onto your bed dramatically. “It’s exactly as I imagined it.”

“You ready to hit the café?” You asked her, hands on your hips. You were raring to go, eager to get the ads put up. You had to start work at Lou’s in a couple days, and you would have preferred to have the roommate situation squared away before you got too busy. You figured with three or four more people, you’d all have plenty to cover everything and have enough extra money to have fun on.

“Ready when you are.” Ivy grinned. “Can’t wait to scope out the babes.”

“Keep it in your pants.” You joked, and Ivy wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at you.

“Hey, you’re the one that promised me sexy singles,” Ivy countered with a smirk, “I’m treating this like my own personal Love Island.”

“All I ask is that you don’t bring any more weirdos home,” You pleaded with Ivy, and she feigned mock offense. “I don’t need another Bella situation.”

“Oh, God, me neither.” Ivy laughed incredulously. “I promise there will be no more Bellas. Scout’s honor.”

“Thank God.”

Beachy Brews was a café just off the boardwalk, the perfect location to attract a ton of foot traffic, which made it the perfect place to put up your ad.

Right by the door was a bulletin board, covered with flyers for concerts and events or other ads looking for things like dog walkers or babysitters. You asked the barista if she wouldn’t mind if you put up the ad, and she shook her head, before curiously raising an eyebrow.

“Sorry, does that say that you’re looking for roommates?” The barista asked, and you whipped back around from the bulletin board to face her.

“Yeah!” You responded, “Are you interested?”

“I am definitely interested,” The barista nodded furiously, her tone bordering exasperation. “I have got to get out of my parent’s house, and it’s been impossible to find anything around here.”

“Yikes,” You commiserated with her, “I have to be up front, it’s just for the summer. I’m only here for three months, it’s my family’s home.”

“That’s no big deal,” The barista waved her hand dismissively, “As long as I can search for something else from a place that doesn’t belong to my parents.”

“Okay, hell yeah.”

“Do you need anything from me?”

“Well, I already know you have a job.” You told her, pursing your lips. “You’re not a murderer, are you?”

“I mean, not yet.”

You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of you at that. “Good enough for me. What’s your name?”

“Aria.”

“Cool, Aria. Nice to meet you. I’m (Y/N), this is Ivy.” You pointed to Ivy, who stood behind you. “Guess we’re your new roommates. Lemme get your phone number and I’ll text you the address!”

“Damn. Got one already.” Ivy breathed out, grinning. “She was cute, too.”

“Nuh-uh,” You started to warn her, stopping dead in your tracks on the boardwalk. “No hooking up with the roommates. It’s too messy.”

“Fine, fine, fine,” Ivy huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, “I will not hook up with our roommates.”

“Thank you.”

“And what about you?”

“Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that.”

When you got back home, there were two strange men standing out in the yard with Mateo. They were definitely around your age, fully shirtless with red shorts on and whistles draped around their necks. Lifeguards, no doubt. You knew Mateo did a little lifeguarding in his spare time, so these were probably his friends.

“Hey!” Mateo waved you over as you and Ivy stepped out of your car, “Found some more roommates! This is Lucas and Hudson.”

“Yeah?” You asked, strolling up to the three young men, “You guys have jobs?”

“Yes ma’am,” Lucas answered, while Hudson just nodded.

“Are you cool with living with women?”

“Absolutely,” Hudson answered flirtatiously, and Lucas elbowed him hard in the side.

“Ignore him, I always do.” Lucas rolled his eyes, “What he means is yes, we are cool with living with women, and we respect them. A lot.”

You couldn’t help the look that spread across your face, but Mateo just gave you a thumbs up, like he could vouch for them.

“Fine, we’ll do a trial run. You can move in whenever, but we reserve the right to change our minds.”

“Understood.” Lucas responded, then both men saluted you. “We’ll start getting our things together, and start moving in tomorrow. That cool with you?”

“For sure. I’ll have keys ready for you tomorrow!”

After you and Ivy finally finished running all the necessary errands to get the house ready for your new roommates, you fell onto the couch, sprawling out comfortably. “Can’t believe we’ve already got a full house. I gotta take that ad down tomorrow.”

“I know dude, that was nuts.” Ivy agreed, making herself comfortable in one of the arm chairs.

You pulled your phone from your pocket, ready to unwind with some mindless scrolling, but as you unlocked it, you noticed you had several missed calls, all from the same number. You were about to listen to the voicemail the caller had left when your phone began to ring, another call from the same number.

“Hello?”

“Oh! Thank God! You finally picked up.” said the girl on the other end of the phone, sounding incredibly frantic, “I saw your ad looking for roommates at Beachy Brews. Are you still taking applicants?”

You had already acquired three roommates, which was a lot in all honesty, but you did still have room if Lucas and Hudson could share a room.

You must have paused to think for too long, because the girl starts talking again. “Look, we’re desperate. We’re from out of town, we were coming to stay for the summer but when we got to our rental, it turned out that our landlord gave the place to someone else and when we asked if he had anything else, he said no and kept our deposit. We got scammed and we just need a place to stay until we can gets jobs and save up some money and then we could be out of your hair—”

“It’s fine. We’re still taking applicants. Do you need a place to stay tonight?” God, this poor girl. You couldn’t tell her no. It would be wrong to leave her in such a shitty situation, especially if she wouldn’t be able to find anything else for the night.

“Please! Yes, please. We can’t pay anything right now but—”

“That’s okay. I totally understand. It’s just you and a friend?”

“Yes! He’s very cool — we’re both very cool and normal, I promise.”

“Okay, sure, um…”

“Hazel!” She finished for you, “My name’s Hazel.”

“Okay, Hazel, I’ll send you the address.”

“Oh, my God. Thank you. You’re a literal lifesaver. Thank you so much.”

Hazel hung up the phone and you looked over at Ivy, who quirked an eyebrow. “Who was that?”

“Two more roommates.”

It wasn’t even twenty minutes before your doorbell rang.

“Coming!” You yelled from the couch, before hopping up and jogging over to the door. When you swung it open, you were greeted by a sweet-looking young woman with an extremely appreciative expression on her face.

“Hi, I’m Hazel.” She said, extending her hand for a handshake. “My friend is just getting the rest of our stuff. Thank you so much for letting us stay.”

“Of course!” You told her, gesturing for her to come in, “I’m so sorry that happened to you. That guy fucking sucks.”

“You can say that again,” Hazel laughed mirthlessly, stepping inside, maneuvering gently so she didn’t hit you with her bags. “I’m just glad you were still taking applicants.”

“It’s going to be a bit of a full house,” You mentioned to Hazel, “I hope you don’t mind, we’ve got three other people moving in later this week, and you’re more than welcome to stay for the summer, if you’d like. I heard it’s nearly impossible to find anything right now.”

“Hence why we’re here.” Hazel nodded, setting her bags down, “Where should we put our stuff?”

“You can just put it…” Your voice trailed off as you noticed Hazel’s friend walking up the drive.

“Hey, Hazel, where’d you put the—”

No way. No fucking way.

It was Ethan. Your Ethan. Only now, he was years older, but still oozing that boyish charm that had enticed you so many years ago.

He stopped dead in his tracks, his face blanching, his hands involuntarily dropping the bags he was carrying. You locked eyes with him, your heart pounding against your ribs.

“(Y/N)?”

[altschmerzes]

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: ALL THE ENERGY OF NOT TRYING TO STAND BETWEEN YOUR FATHER AND THE GRAVE

STOP TRYING TO GET HIM ON ONE OF THOSE MINDFULNESS APPS

IF HE WANTED TO TAKE YOUR SUGGESTIONS HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THEM ALREADY

IT’S TOO LATE FOR THE BENEFITS OF BRAIN PLASTICITY

“LET YOUR FATHER DIE” ENERGY DRINK HAS ALL THE PEACEFUL RESIGNATION OF TÉA LEONI STANDING WITH HER FATHER ON THE BEACH AT THE END OF DEEP IMPACT

MUCH LIKE JODIE FOSTER DISCOVERS AT THE END OF CONTACT, YOUR DAD IS A HOLOGRAM CREATED BY ALIENS TO CREATE THE ILLUSION OF FAMILIARITY

TIRED OF TASTING YOUR DAD’S MEAT AT FEASTS TO CHECK FOR POISON? WITH “LET YOUR FATHER DIE” ENERGY DRINK, YOU DON’T HAVE TO!

“LET YOUR FATHER DIE” ENERGY DRINK IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY

YOURS MIGHT BE FINE

(HE ISN’T)

(YOU KNOW HE ISN’T)

(YOU’VE ALWAYS KNOWN HE ISN’T)

BUT HE MIGHT BE

IT HAPPENS

WE HEARD ABOUT IT ONE TIME

IN SWEDEN

STOP DRINKING FROM YOUR FATHER’S CUP TO MAKE SURE IT’S SAFE FOR HIM TO DRINK

LET HIM FIGURE IT OUT

ALL THE SMOOTH, REGULATED ENERGY THAT COMES FROM NOT TRYING TO OLIVIA POPE YOUR FATHER’S WHOLE THING

HE PROBABLY SOLVED HIS OWN PROBLEMS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN SO WHY NOT TAKE A NAP

WITH “LET YOUR DAD DIE” ENERGY DRINK YOU’LL FINALLY HAVE THE ENERGY YOU NEED TO FALL ASLEEP INSTEAD OF WAITING TO PASS OUT

LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK, AVAILABLE NOW!

LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK: STOP SCROLLING INSTAGRAM AT 3AM, HE DIDN’T LEAVE ANY MESSAGES FOR YOU THERE!

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: DRINK FROM YOUR OWN CUP AT LEAST

STOP TELLING YOUR DAD YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN SALT. START ALLOWING YOUR AVARICIOUS SISTERS GONERIL AND REGAN TO DETHRONE HIM.

LEAR KNEW WHAT CORDELIA MEANT THE WHOLE TIME AND SO DOES YOURS

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO SING ALONE LIKE BIRDS ‘I TH’ CAGE, ASKING ONE ANOTHER BLESSING AND KNEELING DOWN, LIVING AND PRAYING AND LAUGHING AT BUTTERFLIES WITH HIM

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: BECAUSE YOUR BLOODLINE ENDS WITH YOU!!

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: BECAUSE YOUR DAD THINKS A HAPPY ENDING IS ONE WHERE YOU LIVE FOREVER IN A CABINET WITH HIM AND A BIRD AND THAT’S A BAD IDEA FOR YOU

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT HAPPEN

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: AGAIN, NOT LITERALLY!

IT’S JUST GOING TO HAPPEN SOMEDAY AND YOU SHOULD HUSBAND YOUR STRENGTH

SORRY, FATHER YOUR STRENGTH

SORRY, MOTHER YOUR FATHER

THE BUGS HAVE BEEN FIXED AND LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK APOLOGIZES FOR ANY DISTRESS OUR MOST RECENT MESSAGES MAY HAVE CAUSED

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: WHEN WE SAY DAD WE MEAN THE CONCEPT

SORT OF

HOWEVER YOU HEAR IT

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS FULL OF NATURALLY RESTORATIVE INGREDIENTS, LIKE SETTING HIS TEXTS TO “DO NOT DISTURB” AND GREEN TEA EXTRACT

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: ONE CAN IS THE EQUIVALENT OF THREE YEARS OF AL-ANON MEETINGS!

NONE OF THE JITTERS THAT COME FROM MANAGING THE DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENTS HE DOESN’T GO TO ANYWAY

UNSEE THAT EMAIL YOU ACCIDENTALLY SAW WHEN YOU WERE FIFTEEN: IT NEVER HAPPENED!

“LET YOUR DAD DIE” ENERGY DRINK HAS THE SAME EFFECTS ON COGNITIVE PERFORMANCE AS A CUP OF MEDIUM-ROAST LOW-ACID COFFEE OR NOT APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING HE SAID TO SOMEONE ELSE AFTER HE’S OUT OF EARSHOT AND CAN’T GET MAD AT YOU FOR APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING HE ISN’T SORRY HE SAID

DADS LOVE IT: LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK

*“LET YOUR DAD DIE” ENERGY DRINK HAS NOT STUDIED DAD RESPONSES TO LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK BECAUSE IT WOULDN’T CHANGE OUR MARKETING STRATEGIES OR OUR RECIPE ANYWAYS

PLUS WE’RE GOING TO HEAR WHAT HE SAID THROUGH OUR OLDER SISTER ANYWAYS

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: HE’S NOT ACTUALLY OKAY TO DRIVE

DRIVING IS ACTUALLY NEVER OKAY BUT ESPECIALLY THE WAY HE DOES IT

YOUR FATHER’S COMMITMENT TO DRIVING IS INFORMALLY REFERRED TO AROUND OUR OFFICES AS “THE REAL DEATH DRIVE” BY THE WAY

LYDD: HE KNOWS LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE GOTTEN THAT FELLOWSHIP

LYDD: YOUR FATHER KNOWS A LOT OF PEOPLE

YOUR FATHER HAS A LOT OF FRIENDS

YOUR FATHER HAS AN ENTIRE TEAM OF ALLIES, CRONIES, AND UNDERBUTLERS TO SOLVE HIS PROBLEMS FOR HIM

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY A GENEROUS DONATION FROM THE MIKAELA PETERSON FOUNDATION

LET YOUR DAD DIE: IT’S FINE

IT’S FINE

IT’S WHAT HE DID TO HIS DAD

IT’S WHAT HE WOULD DO FOR YOU

WHO FIRED THAT SHOT AT HIS COUNTRY HOUSE DURING A WEEKEND SHOOTING PARTY? NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE, BOYO

THEY HAVE DETECTIVES FOR THAT

DETECTIVES ARE ON YOUR FATHER’S TAIL EVEN AS WE SPEAK

THE DETECTIVES TOLD US TO TELL YOU THEY SAID “DON’T CROWD ME”

LET SOMEONE ELSE PUT YOUR PARANOIA TO GOOD USE

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS COMMITTED TO HELPING COLLEGE STUDENTS, CORPORATE EXECUTIVES, AND PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES ESTABLISH THE SENSE OF FREEDOM THAT CAN ONLY COME FROM ACCEPTING YOUR FATHER’S MORTALITY AND THE LIMITS OF YOUR OWN INTERVENTION

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS CONTRAINDICATED WITH ALCOHOL….WINK

WE CANNOT RECOMMEND WINK THAT YOU MIX WINK LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK WINK WITH ALCOHOL WINK

BUT OF COURSE WE CAN’T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO

WE’RE NOT YOUR MOM OR ANYTHING

TIRED OF BEING “A LITTLE OVER-SENSITIVE”? TRY LYDD ENERGY DRINK!

TIRED OF “REMEMBERING THINGS”? TRY OUR NEW DRAGONFRUIT EDITION, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”

ARE YOU SURE YOUR BROTHER WOULDN’T LIKE TO TRY BEING THE OVER-SENSITIVE ONE FOR A CHANGE? TRY LYDD ENERGY DRINK FOR LASTING EFFECTS!

FEEL AS WELL-RESTED AND ENERGIZED AS YOUR FATHER’S MOTHER DOES: SHE DOESN’T REMEMBER THAT EITHER

SHE’S NOT WORRIED ABOUT A GODDAMN THING WE HERE AT LYDD CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH

SHE’S GOT A PLAN AND SHE HAS NEVER SECOND-GUESSED ANYTHING THAT YOUR FATHER HAS DONE  

HE’S WHAT MADE HER A MOTHER

YOU’RE JUST SOME PUNK KID

YOU’RE JUST SOME FUCKING NOBODY. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SON’S GRAVE?

OUR ETHICALLY SOURCED PASSIONFRUIT FLAVOR INCLUDES GUARANINE, GINKGO, AND ZERO CHANCE OF TAKING A BULLET FOR YOUR FATHER

IT’S AN ACQUIRED TASTE

BUT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE IT

YOU’VE ALREADY INHERITED A LOT OF THINGS.

NO GODS, NO MASTERS, JUST A REFRESHING BURST OF FRESH CITRUS FLAVOR. LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: YOU NEVER REALLY HAD A CHOICE, BUT WE WILL LET YOU CHOOSE BETWEEN ORANGINA, ACAI BURST, AND FRUTTA DI BOSCO IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER

BUT DON’T GET ANY BRIGHT IDEAS ABOUT TRYING TO DO IT YOURSELF. HE’LL SEE IT COMING. YOU’RE ONLY ALIVE AND IN THIS WORLD BECAUSE HE ANTICIPATED YOU. YOUR DAD’S DEATH BELONGS TO SOMEONE HIS OWN SIZE AND YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE WEIGHT

JUST LET HIM GO INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT WHENEVER THE TIME COMES

WE HEAR IT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY GENTLE

- “Let Your Dad Die Energy Drink” Daniel Lavery & Cecilia Corrigan

[dasmores237]

Throughout the phases

I’m sure if you’ve been on my account or scrolling through the oddly dead Murdoc tag on here you’ve seen my OC Marilyn so I’ve decided to explain a bit here and explain through the phases!

Marilyn was an accident to be blunt. She was a mishap between Murdoc and a prostitute in Mexico, born some time around 2002. Her mother didn’t have the funds nor the time or patience to take care of her so she decided leaving her with her biological father was a good idea so she flew all the way to the UK and left the 3 year old there in 2005 forcing him to take responsibility and take care of the thing. He was extremely opposed to this and heavily entertained the idea of putting her up for adoption but ended up siding against it last minute due to the similarities between his childhood and how he came to live with his father. He decided he wanted to be better than that man and kept her ever since.

Phase 2: When she first came to live with the group she was a introverted but polite child. She didn’t talk much and would often motion for something she wanted rather than asking. This was mostly due to the fact that she had a limited vocabulary since her mother was Hispanic and spoke a mixed verity of Spanish and English to her and she didn’t know what one to use. Thankfully Murdoc knew Spanish so he could understand and talk to her but quickly they taught her English. She opened up a bit during this time and became very comfortable around her family and never wanted to be away from them. She took a strong liking to 2D as if he were her uncle and this made Murdoc extremely jealous. She also liked Noodle a lot since she was around her age a bit more and loved Russel. She talked a lot more during this time and became very clingy and wanted to be held and carried a lot by others for comfort. This was a bit annoying on the surface to her father but deep down he found it endearing. She often had to go to sets where they were recording videos for and was in the crowd of kids for Dirty Harry and refused to go on the set for Feel Good Inc because the laugh scared her. She also was the inspiration for the title of the song El Mañana.

Phase 3: After the fiasco of El Mañana and the group splitting up, Murdoc took his daughter and set off, the two finding plastic beach and staying there. Murdoc admittedly left the 5 year old alone with Cyborg Noodle who, surprisingly, turned out to be a great babysitter, but Marilyn was still scared of her since she was afraid of robots and she wasn’t the “Real Noodle”. Murdoc returned with 2D and forced the man alone down in the basement as a sort of torture since he was afraid of whales. Marilyn adventured down there one day while Murdoc was pre-occupied and was overjoyed to see her uncle again, secretly keeping the man company any chance she got. She eventually warmed up to Cyborg Noodle but still was afraid of her and wanted her real aunt back. She was in the car during Stylo in the backseat with Cyborg and helped her dad write Melancholy Hill late one night by sleepily wandering around the room and shouting out rhymes to words he would read aloud to himself. She was overjoyed to learn Noodle was alive and was the first to hug the woman when she arrived on the island with Russel, thankful her odd little family was alive and together again and they were able to return home. However While Murdoc was in prison yet again, her mother had to come and take care of her. Her mother wasn’t the best and after staying with her for 2 years she couldn’t take it anymore and the minute she heard her dad had parole and moved in with Albarn she got in contact with him and begged him to let her stay with her father or literally anyone else. Unable to say no to such a desperate offer she went back to saying with her dad who she claimed was “Like a new person. In a good way I think.”

Phase 4: Not much happened during this time except for the haunted house which quite literally disgusted and freaked the young teen out so bad she opted to just sleep in the car despite her father’s protests. When the group returned to the car the next morning Noodle claimed Marilyn was the only one with common sense in the whole group. Marilyn said it was only because of the horror movies she and 2D watched back on Plastic Beach. During this time one of 2D’s kids asks to meet up with their dad and connect with him. 2D agrees and meets his daughter Sonia. The others are worried about the two meeting up since Murdoc and 2D had such a bad past but Marilyn and Sonia instant take to each other extremely well and become close friends, almost like family and stay in contact throughout the phases.

Phase 5: now 15, Marilyn was very moody during this time. This was around what felt like the 100th time her dad had gotten arrested and she felt upset that he had been “replaced” by Ace. She didn’t talk much to the green man or anyone for that matter and opted to just stay in her room for majority of this time. Others claimed she was a like a “more polite version of her dad” during this time. The only time to group got her to crawl out of her sad little hole was for Humility where 2D taught her how to roller skate. She eventually warmed up to Ace and considered him a friend but she still missed her dad and felt a bit betrayed and lost by the situation. Russel knew she was dealing with her own mental issues at the time and attempted to help comfort her, but it didn’t do much to help. She still appreciated it though. She begged Noodle to let her go with her to get her dad but Noodle refused because it was too dangerous and Russel had to keep her in his sight at almost all times because she tried to set off on her own twice, being as stubborn as Murdoc himself.

Phase 7: Now 18, During the time that Murdoc was rambling on about the occult, Marilyn generally thought he had lost his mind. Or was drunk. While living with her mother during her father’s arrest back in phase 4, Marilyn had taken up Christianity and refused to sway for a cult. Murdoc secretly hated the fact that her religion was literally what his hated, but never forced her or told her to stop believing in it. He felt disappointed she wouldn’t join, claiming “all cults lead to trouble in the end”, but didn’t fight her on it since everyone else was joining anyway. Murdoc wasn’t the only one who found love during this time however. Whereas Murdoc was simping for Moonflower, Marilyn met a girl who lived across the road from them who she later found out was named April. The two became friends and often while her father and family was doing cult stuff, Marilyn would go over to April’s house and hang out with her, trying to fight the fact that she was in love with this girl. Later during the Silent Running video she was with the group fighting off the others but she didn’t know how to fight, so she picked up a broken off pipe from the group and opted to beating them to death with the weapon instead. Oddly enough this worked remarkably well. Murdoc later claimed that it was most likely due to the fact that she had a lot of pent up emotions she was venting out with each swing. Or it was the softball she took as a child. Later in the Cracker Island video she was an emotional wreck for lack of a better term since Russel was out of it, Murdoc was nowhere to be seen, 2D was higher than a kite, and Noodle was constantly trying to call people to help. She didn’t cry or anything, but she sat handcuffed to a chair with a “Distraught and confused look on her face” as claim by 2D. She looked absolutely disgusted when her dad kissed and went on a date with the woman who attempted to sacrifice her uncle and didn’t talk to him for a day or two after that. Before the group left the area however, with the help of Noodle, she asked April out. She nervously dodges the questions if asked if they’re dating or not, seeming embarrassed by the situation.

GOD THAT WAS A LOTTA WRITING my lord if y’all read through that I’m glad I caught your interest! I have posts of her and art of her in my account when she’s in phase 7!! I am planning on drawing the other phases soon! I left out phase six because it wasn’t very important in the grand scheme of things lol. Let me know your opinion!! Thanks! -Izzy

[trollprincess]

Woke up after a bit still enraged at my mom.

I told her, “I’ve been thinking about killing myself and your son just got out of an abusive relationship,” and she was still like, “I know you’ve both have it hard, but …” about a celebration of life party for a relative we’ve only seen once a year if that in the past seven years or so. (Granted, if it were just the pandemic, that’d be one thing, but in the past five years I’ve barely seen any of them at a time other than Christmas. And the last time I saw his one daughter was at a family garage sale a couple of months ago where she was selling a bunch of his stuff and was bragging about selling a copy of “Gone With The Wind” and a record album with blackface on the sleeve because “those people want those things banned.”)

I’m just … how is your reaction to your kid telling you they’ve been thinking about taking their own life not, “Oh, shit, yeah, whatever you need to do not to do that, you do that, and I’ll just tell everybody else to get stuffed”? I’m not saying she should tell them to fuck off, but I have *never* been someone to keep silent when my mental health is shit, and I’m not against her telling them the whole and brutal truth. Go ahead. Tell them I feel suicidal. I actually want people to know. I am literally looking for attention specifically so people in my life will know to keep me from NOT getting to this point.

And as for my brother … to say he doesn’t need to be around a bunch of people who are most definitely going to be judging him behind his back is an understatement. He’s been spending a lot of time with a female friend of his (they’re going to the beach today) and still talking with the ex, if only because all his stuff’s still there. But he just went with the ex to go see Aerosmith a couple of days ago - they had the tickets, it was too late to sell them, so he went anyway - and from the sound of things he borrowed ahead on spoons to get through the whole thing. I told my therapist the other day I’m sure he’s avoiding people because he doesn’t want to deal with “I told you so,” and I think that’s why he was like, “I just can NOT,” about today.

I don’t actually feel bad about telling my mom not to talk to me for a few days. I’ve been feeling like she doesn’t seem to get just how bad everything is with me even though, again, I’m not hiding any of it. But then she’ll say, “Oh, I wish we could help out, your dad works hard and I’m retired and we don’t have a lot, and we’re so grateful you take care of the cats on the weekends you work 12-hour shifts and barely sleep so we can go to the campsite we spend all our money on.” (Not like that, obviously, but if she could hear herself …)

I’m just … tired. Tired and broke, and I’ve been working three jobs for almost five years straight during a pandemic, and it’s just me and my dog, and all of my friends are in the computer, and my parents are boomers with that “Working all the time is good, actually” mentality which makes me want to hammer nails into my eyes.

I think that’s part of the reason I posted that wishlist the other day for birthday and gotcha day stuff for me and the dog. Like, I have packages coming in the mail and tracking them is at some moments the only thing keeping me from harming myself. I wish I was blowing it out of proportion, but I’m really not. My brain decided to latch onto of the few reliably happy things in my life and is like, “The mail’s coming! The mail’s coming!” I got a wooden frame for stretching canvas over on Saturday and that was the happiest I was all day. For a few sticks in a plastic bag. That’s all it took for my brain to dial it down a notch for the rest of the day.

… anyway. *sigh*

[mintacle]

please read “Let Your Father Die Energy Drink”, by Daniel Lavery. It might be one of my favourite things ever.

(cont. under cut)

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: ALL THE ENERGY OF NOT TRYING TO STAND BETWEEN YOUR FATHER AND THE GRAVE

STOP TRYING TO GET HIM ON ONE OF THOSE MINDFULNESS APPS

IF HE WANTED TO TAKE YOUR SUGGESTIONS HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THEM ALREADY

IT’S TOO LATE FOR THE BENEFITS OF BRAIN PLASTICITY

“LET YOUR FATHER DIE” ENERGY DRINK HAS ALL THE PEACEFUL RESIGNATION OF TÉA LEONI STANDING WITH HER FATHER ON THE BEACH AT THE END OF DEEP IMPACT

MUCH LIKE JODIE FOSTER DISCOVERS AT THE END OF CONTACT, YOUR DAD IS A HOLOGRAM CREATED BY ALIENS TO CREATE THE ILLUSION OF FAMILIARITY

TIRED OF TASTING YOUR DAD’S MEAT AT FEASTS TO CHECK FOR POISON? WITH “LET YOUR FATHER DIE” ENERGY DRINK, YOU DON’T HAVE TO!

“LET YOUR FATHER DIE” ENERGY DRINK IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY

YOURS MIGHT BE FINE

(HE ISN’T)

(YOU KNOW HE ISN’T)

(YOU’VE ALWAYS KNOWN HE ISN’T)

BUT HE MIGHT BE

IT HAPPENS

WE HEARD ABOUT IT ONE TIME

IN SWEDEN

STOP DRINKING FROM YOUR FATHER’S CUP TO MAKE SURE IT’S SAFE FOR HIM TO DRINK

LET HIM FIGURE IT OUT

ALL THE SMOOTH, REGULATED ENERGY THAT COMES FROM NOT TRYING TO OLIVIA POPE YOUR FATHER’S WHOLE THING

HE PROBABLY SOLVED HIS OWN PROBLEMS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN SO WHY NOT TAKE A NAP

WITH “LET YOUR DAD DIE” ENERGY DRINK YOU’LL FINALLY HAVE THE ENERGY YOU NEED TO FALL ASLEEP INSTEAD OF WAITING TO PASS OUT

LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK, AVAILABLE NOW!

LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK: STOP SCROLLING INSTAGRAM AT 3AM, HE DIDN’T LEAVE ANY MESSAGES FOR YOU THERE!

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: DRINK FROM YOUR OWN CUP AT LEAST

STOP TELLING YOUR DAD YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN SALT. START ALLOWING YOUR AVARICIOUS SISTERS GONERIL AND REGAN TO DETHRONE HIM.

LEAR KNEW WHAT CORDELIA MEANT THE WHOLE TIME AND SO DOES YOURS

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO SING ALONE LIKE BIRDS ‘I TH’ CAGE, ASKING ONE ANOTHER BLESSING AND KNEELING DOWN, LIVING AND PRAYING AND LAUGHING AT BUTTERFLIES WITH HIM

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: BECAUSE YOUR BLOODLINE ENDS WITH YOU!!

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: BECAUSE YOUR DAD THINKS A HAPPY ENDING IS ONE WHERE YOU LIVE FOREVER IN A CABINET WITH HIM AND A BIRD AND THAT’S A BAD IDEA FOR YOU

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT HAPPEN

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: AGAIN, NOT LITERALLY!

IT’S JUST GOING TO HAPPEN SOMEDAY AND YOU SHOULD HUSBAND YOUR STRENGTH

SORRY, FATHER YOUR STRENGTH

SORRY, MOTHER YOUR FATHER

THE BUGS HAVE BEEN FIXED AND LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK APOLOGIZES FOR ANY DISTRESS OUR MOST RECENT MESSAGES MAY HAVE CAUSED

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: WHEN WE SAY DAD WE MEAN THE CONCEPT

SORT OF

HOWEVER YOU HEAR IT

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS FULL OF NATURALLY RESTORATIVE INGREDIENTS, LIKE SETTING HIS TEXTS TO “DO NOT DISTURB” AND GREEN TEA EXTRACT

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: ONE CAN IS THE EQUIVALENT OF THREE YEARS OF AL-ANON MEETINGS!

NONE OF THE JITTERS THAT COME FROM MANAGING THE DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENTS HE DOESN’T GO TO ANYWAY

UNSEE THAT EMAIL YOU ACCIDENTALLY SAW WHEN YOU WERE FIFTEEN: IT NEVER HAPPENED!

“LET YOUR DAD DIE” ENERGY DRINK HAS THE SAME EFFECTS ON COGNITIVE PERFORMANCE AS A CUP OF MEDIUM-ROAST LOW-ACID COFFEE OR NOT APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING HE SAID TO SOMEONE ELSE AFTER HE’S OUT OF EARSHOT AND CAN’T GET MAD AT YOU FOR APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING HE ISN’T SORRY HE SAID

DADS LOVE IT: LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK

*”LET YOUR DAD DIE” ENERGY DRINK HAS NOT STUDIED DAD RESPONSES TO LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK BECAUSE IT WOULDN’T CHANGE OUR MARKETING STRATEGIES OR OUR RECIPE ANYWAYS

PLUS WE’RE GOING TO HEAR WHAT HE SAID THROUGH OUR OLDER SISTER ANYWAYS

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: HE’S NOT ACTUALLY OKAY TO DRIVE

DRIVING IS ACTUALLY NEVER OKAY BUT ESPECIALLY THE WAY HE DOES IT

YOUR FATHER’S COMMITMENT TO DRIVING IS INFORMALLY REFERRED TO AROUND OUR OFFICES AS “THE REAL DEATH DRIVE” BY THE WAY

LYDD: HE KNOWS LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE GOTTEN THAT FELLOWSHIP

LYDD: YOUR FATHER KNOWS A LOT OF PEOPLE

YOUR FATHER HAS A LOT OF FRIENDS

YOUR FATHER HAS AN ENTIRE TEAM OF ALLIES, CRONIES, AND UNDERBUTLERS TO SOLVE HIS PROBLEMS FOR HIM

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY A GENEROUS DONATION FROM THE MIKAELA PETERSON FOUNDATION

LET YOUR DAD DIE: IT’S FINE

IT’S FINE

IT’S WHAT HE DID TO HIS DAD

IT’S WHAT HE WOULD DO FOR YOU

WHO FIRED THAT SHOT AT HIS COUNTRY HOUSE DURING A WEEKEND SHOOTING PARTY? NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE, BOYO

THEY HAVE DETECTIVES FOR THAT

DETECTIVES ARE ON YOUR FATHER’S TAIL EVEN AS WE SPEAK

THE DETECTIVES TOLD US TO TELL YOU THEY SAID “DON’T CROWD ME”

LET SOMEONE ELSE PUT YOUR PARANOIA TO GOOD USE

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS COMMITTED TO HELPING COLLEGE STUDENTS, CORPORATE EXECUTIVES, AND PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES ESTABLISH THE SENSE OF FREEDOM THAT CAN ONLY COME FROM ACCEPTING YOUR FATHER’S MORTALITY AND THE LIMITS OF YOUR OWN INTERVENTION

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS CONTRAINDICATED WITH ALCOHOL….WINK

WE CANNOT RECOMMEND WINK THAT YOU MIX WINK LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK WINK WITH ALCOHOL WINK

BUT OF COURSE WE CAN’T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO

WE’RE NOT YOUR MOM OR ANYTHING

TIRED OF BEING “A LITTLE OVER-SENSITIVE”? TRY LYDD ENERGY DRINK!

TIRED OF “REMEMBERING THINGS”? TRY OUR NEW DRAGONFRUIT EDITION, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”

ARE YOU SURE YOUR BROTHER WOULDN’T LIKE TO TRY BEING THE OVER-SENSITIVE ONE FOR A CHANGE? TRY LYDD ENERGY DRINK FOR LASTING EFFECTS!

FEEL AS WELL-RESTED AND ENERGIZED AS YOUR FATHER’S MOTHER DOES: SHE DOESN’T REMEMBER THAT EITHER

SHE’S NOT WORRIED ABOUT A GODDAMN THING WE HERE AT LYDD CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH

SHE’S GOT A PLAN AND SHE HAS NEVER SECOND-GUESSED ANYTHING THAT YOUR FATHER HAS DONE

HE’S WHAT MADE HER A MOTHER

YOU’RE JUST SOME PUNK KID

YOU’RE JUST SOME FUCKING NOBODY. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SON’S GRAVE?

OUR ETHICALLY SOURCED PASSIONFRUIT FLAVOR INCLUDES GUARANINE, GINKGO, AND ZERO CHANCE OF TAKING A BULLET FOR YOUR FATHER

IT’S AN ACQUIRED TASTE

BUT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE IT

YOU’VE ALREADY INHERITED A LOT OF THINGS.

NO GODS, NO MASTERS, JUST A REFRESHING BURST OF FRESH CITRUS FLAVOR. LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: YOU NEVER REALLY HAD A CHOICE, BUT WE WILL LET YOU CHOOSE BETWEEN ORANGINA, ACAI BURST, AND FRUTTA DI BOSCO IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER

BUT DON’T GET ANY BRIGHT IDEAS ABOUT TRYING TO DO IT YOURSELF. HE’LL SEE IT COMING. YOU’RE ONLY ALIVE AND IN THIS WORLD BECAUSE HE ANTICIPATED YOU. YOUR DAD’S DEATH BELONGS TO SOMEONE HIS OWN SIZE AND YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE WEIGHT

JUST LET HIM GO INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT WHENEVER THE TIME COMES

WE HEAR IT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY GENTLE

[sushiisiu]

Hello~ 🙋🏽‍♀️ Your art is really, really cool and beautiful, tysm for sharing it with us! 💕💕💕 I saw you mention that you would like more asks so I wanted to ask you, what's your favorite phase and why?

Hi! thank you so much for liking my art T__T and as for your question it's hard to decide since i like most of the phases a lot...

I'd say style-wise my favorite would be phase 2? I love that it's way more grungy and nasty looking, esp with the new greyer palettes and soft shading. it's in that perfect sweet spot of being more realistic but still having the stylized shapes and anatomy of phase 1, which is great because i get to see jamie's lineart. also big fan of the way he drew everyone's hair kinda choppy here it's soooo cute. most of my favorite gorillaz art all come from this phase

Story-wise tho then obviously phase 3. like plastic beach might've been a hot mess while it was releasing and a lot of things just never got followed through but fuck if it doesn't feel cinematic as hell and the most fleshed out out of all the phases. like the web game ??? and obviously the emotional weight of the story, murdoc alone ruling over a literal pile of garbage and the only people he has with him is a soulless copy of his daughter that HE killed and someone he's holding captive, his only outlet being songwriting and broadcasting a radio show that he knows no one will hear all while being chased down by all those he's crossed both demonic and mortal. like i could really go on it makes me so emo I dont even care if the lost chord doesn't make that much sense. it fucks me up either ways to see it wrapped up like that.

although music wise (and just general marketing and promotions) i LOVEEE phase 1 so much. EVERY song on that album is so memorable and i love the amount of weird noises and falsettos 2d did. love the hologram concerts and the ones with their vas up, 4 whole music videos and an animatic (AND THE GBITEZ!!!!) and a whole interactable website of their studio... INSANE like the dedication to making them seem real is insane i wish we still had that instead of them being glorified mascots. . .

that's honestly not to say i don't like the others as hell tho like humanz had a great art direction too with the photobashing and lineless style and personally i love realistic proportions soooo and the mocap interviews were funny as hell even if i hate kevin bishop. the now now was soooo crazy too im a big fan of spiral imagery and just.. the pink/blue thing is great Fav album art love the emotional complexity it gives 2d (never recovered from souk eye) and honestly song machine is amazing too i adore the "episodic" formula of the music videos and like personally i don't even mind keyframe 2d that bad since i barely noticed it within the videos themselves its the endless marketing that reuses that same pic that drives me insane (billboard near my college STILL has keyframe fred perry 2d on rotation and it ambushes me every time)

ANYWAYS i kind of rambled on but!!!! basically phase 1-3 i love those the most. Thank you for enabling me

[amoveablejake]

Album of the Week: ‘Cracker Island’ by Gorillaz

Stand out song: ‘Tormenta’. 

Making a band formed of cartoons was a bold and new move. Sure, there had been creations before that were similar or at the very least played around with ideas of the same nature but the Gorillaz’s formation was its own thing and what it did was give birth to one of the most exciting bands of the twenty first century. The Gorillaz did feel like a band for a new millennium and a different time, in a literal sense Damn Albarn used the band as departure of the artist he was as he looked forward to the artist that he wanted to be. And yes, whilst he has returned to Blur in 2023, he is perhaps more famous for being the founder of the Gorillaz which considering that was meant to be a secret at first that is quite something. This is all to say that the Gorillaz are at their core a ‘new’ band no matter how many years may pass. They are always viewed as creating something different and making bold moves. They have done it with all of their albums, their self titled debut album is perhaps the clearest calling card for this because it was the band’s inception but ‘Demon Days’ also moved the band forward and ‘Plastic Beach’ further confirmed that you never know where the Gorillaz are going next. Yes, there is a through line and some vague lore that occasionally rears its head but really the Gorillaz are unpredictable. Sometimes, this can be to their detriment and in recent years it seems they have focused far more on experimenting than anything else. There was always a level of cohesion with the ‘classic’ Gorillaz albums but ‘Humanz’ stepped away from that before ‘The Now Now’ did attempt to take it back right before ‘Song Machine: Season One’ blew it apart. That is not to say that these albums didn’t have moments of shining Gorillaz glory, they did, but they never seemed to quite get into the gear that we had gotten used to as Gorillaz fans. When I first saw that ‘Cracker Island’ was coming out, sure I was excited because it is a Gorillaz record but I wasn’t overjoyed. In fact, I was a little hesitant. I was hesitant because I was fearful of the direction the band was moving in and even though yes, they are always achieving their mission statement of striving towards the new they seemed to be losing themselves a little in that quest for the future. What ‘Cracker Island’ does is work together all of the Gorillaz experimentation from recent albums, what they established from the outset of their music and still creating a sound that still feels like it is looking forward. With ‘Cracker Island’ the cartoons have done good. Very good. 

I have been spoiled over the weekend as on Friday Logic’s ‘College Park’ was released with his first independent album being another wonderfully worked piece from ‘my guy’. Alongside this Gorillaz ‘Cracker Island’ was put out and it has taken me a few days to get to it. I was lost in ‘College Park’ and I didn’t really want to come up for air but I felt that I had to with ‘Cracker Island’ out of loyalty to Gorillaz. When I first heard the opening track ‘Cracker Island’ I felt that my fears surrounding the album had been met and that this record was not going to be what I was hoping for. ‘Oil’ continued this hesitancy for me before ‘The Tired Influencer’ started to bring me back on board. By the time we reached ‘Silent Running’ I felt a feeling of familiarity flow through me as the Gorillaz that I grew up with came flooding back through my headphones. ‘Silent Running’ feels like a song that could have been lifted from Gorillaz records of days gone by and it really went a long way for me in getting me to get into rhythm with ‘Cracker Island’. But really, the song that has worked itself into every fibre of my being is ‘Tormenta’ which for me is a shining example of the band being at their best. 2D’s vocals teamed with a guest appearance this time in the way of Bad Bunny has created a song that feels like it might have been better suited to a summer release. ‘Tormenta’ is the Gorillaz in 2023, not trying too hard, not trying to blow us away but instead taking a moment to sit back and relax and in doing so offering up the space to reflect on the road of albums and tracks that has led us here. ‘Tormenta’ is not the last track of the album nor is it the final Gorillaz song but in a way it sort of feels like it is. In its three minutes and thirteen seconds run time it has managed to incorporate everything that makes the Gorillaz so unique and special. ‘Cracker Island’ is not what I would call a masterpiece of an album and I’m sure to many Gorillaz fans of late it will feel like they’re playing it safe but for me, it feels good to have an album where the Gorillaz are playing to their strengths and it won’t last. They’ll be on to the next thing before we know it and the next step forward so for the moment I think its time to sit back and enjoy (the now) now on this island. 

-Jake, a man who has very similar angular legs to 2D, 27/02/2023. 

[antihoecial]

I came to the beach today. Don’t really know what triggered me to come here.. but I came and I’m actually still here right now sitting in my car writing this.

Something just triggered me to come to the ocean today.

Honestly think it’s been the whole submersible disaster combined with the migrant boat tragedy that really got me here to kind of remember those who have lost their lives at sea, and to mourn and remember all the lives that have been lost on this earth. I often think of my ancestors and the lives that have been lost across time and sometimes I just feel this heavy presence around me that feels like it could be them or that everything we see is them the leaves trees stars organisms that make this earth sustainable is them and they are always around us.

The theme of the ocean has really captivated me though and it’s drawing me luring me toward it.

I was always a space girl. It’s where I imagined myself all the time, I was always and still am a very “head in the clouds” kind of girl and I just always was mesmerized by the moon stars astrology the sun the universe black holes time you name it I’m enamored by it if it’s outer space, and I always loved the ocean but I just never really grasped this concept of it until now.

We are the only planet with water.

(I know it sounds like fucking DUH but hear me out….. I just wasn’t thinking of it like that.)

We are the only planet with a whole confident ass ocean. And like we just simply rest on top of this ocean… living our lives. Like there is underwater volcanos that will heat the water’s temperatures to 800 degrees at. the. ocean. floor. Which is at FREEZING temperatures ??? And again here we are. Just here. Not exploring, not even trying, the ONLY thing REALLY able to give us actual life is just being handled by the waste side.

So then like I’m really thinking now about all the things I’ve read about the deep blue these last few days and I read that on one of the dives to the Mariana Trench a plastic. Fuckking. Bag. Was found. TWO plastic bags actually. Mind you if your reading “Mariana trench” and don’t know what that is it’s the deepest known part of the ocean… which ironically Hamish Harding (may god rest their souls) had already been to!

Just wild. We pollute and we curse the very thing we need to survive, it seems like a recurring theme with human beings.. :/ and I don’t know why.

Now to the titanic of it all. (Might as well round up all my thoughts since I’m here)

…

(and I have so many)

I read an opinion someone had saying, the souls who were lost just want to rest, let them rest. And I really felt that sentiment like with my whole heart and soul. Somethings just don’t want to be poked at especially such a devastation such as the titanic.

(Now I also understand the lack of safety procedures being followed plays a role into all of this, but I also believe that in conjunction with this, the two for me are no mutually exclusive which I feel the need to mention)

So. I came to the beach right and all these disasters have been happening right, and so I came to the beach (im about to make a short story long) and the way I really even got to the beach was I was driving to my moms house in Long Island after work, and I got home before her and I just thinking oh my drive about the ocean and I pulled up into the drive way and everything and I just googled the nearest beach and drove off because the thoughts of the ocean created such an urge for me it was undeniable. So I come to the closest beach I found on my apple maps and as I get out of my car to walk to the water I see this memorial for 9/11.

9/11.

And I literally stopped, shaking and staring at what was before me.

A piece of the World Trade Center that was retrieved from that very day after the disaster struck was mounted in the middle of entrance of the beach.

And I had to just stop and think of the world in which we live and honestly write all of this down because it triggered such an emotional response from me.

The world in which we specifically live is literally perfect. Nothing else we know of is perfect but this system in which we exist is perfect. It works perfectly. And that is astonishing. Perfect exists because we fucking live inside around and within it. We work perfectly. PERFECTLY. Like do you know the meaning of that word. 100%. Fucking perfect. And it just made me think that. The perfect fucking world. The perfect solar system.

How everything is connected and interconnected and energy is ever lasting and always and there are spirits guiding you giving you these gut feelings and instincts to do these impulsive things you can’t even understand sometimes but you just feel.

What is that I don’t know but I love every time I experience it because It makes me believe when we die we won’t just be lead to darkness and nothing. Which is really my ultimate fear. That nothing happens and after this we are just nothing and we don’t go anywhere. That would be my hell my worst nightmare! But these moments these moments remind me that there could be more possibilities.

More possibilities.

[bratshaws]

goodness gracious 1. brb x oc

THIS FIC IS 18+ ONLY! MINORS PLS DNI!

a/n: * pulls up megaphone * Rooster was raised right by his mom and doesn't care about body types. The lack of plus size fics made me upset so I literally returned to Tumblr to create this blog and write this. This is the first time I'm writing for this fandom so... I HO PE YOU GUYS LIKE IT??? its been centuries SINCE I WROTE aNYTHING ( also god im not creative with titles, please forgive me )

check out the fic's playlist made by the sweet @wiipes !!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

c:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/

25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36/37/38/39/40/41/42/43/44

45/46/47/48/49/50/51/52/53/54/55/56/57/58/59/60/61/62/63/64

65/66/67/68/69/70/71/72/73/74/75/76/77/78/79/80/81/82/83/84

85/86/87/88/89/90/91/92/93/94/95/96/97/98/99/100/101/102

warnings: mentions of bullying, self doubt, aNGST, mutual pining, Rooster being a sweetheart.

“Hello!” Beatrice calls once she enters Hard Deck by the employee’s entrance, popping out her airpods to slide them inside her bag shoulder, “I’m not late, am I?” she calls to Penny who’s currently fixing the tables ahead of her.

“No, you are just on time!” she calls, her voice a bit muffled since Bea put her bag inside the little closet area for employees. She checked her appearance before going out on the mirror hanging on the wooden wall, pulling her dark brown hair up in a bun and fixing her Led Zeppelin shirt, wiping the dust off her jeans before finally walking out. Once she gets out, Penny is turning the lights on in the back area of the bar that leads to the beach. 

Meanwhile Beatrice grabs one of the bags of ice, carrying it to the ice machine behind the bar, plopping the cold cubes down the container, crumpling the plastic bag once it was empty to toss in the recycler. “I’m here, babes!” a voice calls, then a blonde head of hair shows up, “Hope you two didn’t do everything with me gone!”

“Just waiting for your presence,Michelle!” Penny calls, looking over her shoulder to press a kiss to her niece’s cheek, when she hugs her “Hi, honey, Bea is already here.”

“Bumblebea!” Bea smiles when the blonde comes over to the employees closet as well, removing her denim jacket to expose the low cut red tank top and jeans. “Need help?” Bea nods, pointing to the other bags of ice in the corner, “Friday night, tonight will be a long night huh?”

“Sure will.” Bea noted, the two of them dumping the rest of the ice “How was your date though? With the policeman?” the brunette asked, chuckling when the blonde girl rolled her eyes with a sigh.

“I swear, police officers are the clingiest guys.” Shells said, grabbing the empty bags from Bea’s hand to shove down the recycler, “He didn’t want to leave! I kept saying, ‘hey i gotta go to work,’ and he asked where I worked and I told him he didn’t need to worry about that.”

 The two of them then marched to the storage room area where Shells grabbed a box of handkerchiefs. “Then he said ‘oh it’s not a problem, I can take you’ and–and! Then he said ‘I like you a lot.’ Like!! We’ve only hooked up twice!...” she shakes her head, “I just told him it’d be better if we didn’t contact each other anymore and it was fun while it lasted.”

“He accepted that?”

“Course not, called me a bitch all the way out, I think I saw tears in his eyes before he left.” Shells shrugs, waiting on Bea to grab the recycled straws from the upper shelf, then turns off the light once her friend walks out “I swear, I’ll give up on Tinder like you did. It’s insane!”

Bea chuckles, opening the bag of straws to put them inside a glass, “I mean, you know my sister found her husband on Tinder.”

“Um, yeah, but he’s a handsome doctor from London with the body of a god and deep bronze skin. He’s like a beautiful statue!”

“I shouldn’t have never shown you their wedding picture.” Bea laughs, shaking her head with amusement. “and to think I just wanted to show you how pretty the location was.” the two of them looked at the clock, seeing they had little time before the bar opened for the public, so they had to finish everything up quickly.

Once they did and the bar opened, it exploded with people, the voices getting louder the more people entered. Music floated on the air, much to Bea’s delight as she hummed to herself with the songs. 

To think, just a few months ago she was looking for a job to help her with the bills and if it wasn’t for Shells and Penny, she’d never get it.

Beatrice is from a tight, traditional Italian family. While they are progressive in certain areas, most of her family doesn’t think women…should do much. If they have a job it should be a useful job, like banking or something like that, not Liberal arts. Which was what she always wanted to do, being a creative person since she was a child, she just wanted to work with what she liked.

But being the youngest of six siblings, the literal baby that had to stay home while her older siblings went out to live their lives out of state or even out of the country she had very little control in certain choices. Maybe it was the empty nest syndrome, with all her siblings gone from the house, her parents only had herself to… take care of in a way. It took years for her to actually go to her choice in college,juggling between work and long study hours, choosing to leave her job once she had enough money saved up to help herself once she got her place.

During college was when she met Michelle, or Shells, who took her to the Hard Deck a few times. It was distant from her job and her parents’ house and Beatrice loved it. She loved the atmosphere, she felt welcome by Penny and even if this was a Naval bar she didn’t feel like she was intruding in some way.

When Shells mentioned they needed one more person at the bar, Bea said yes immediately. Her parents weren’t happy with her choice, but they couldn’t stop her, especially since her own siblings supported it. So now she was here, working, happy, focusing on how she’d continue her career as an artist.

The bell rang, drinks were served, people were dancing. It was a nice night so far. Bea was washing one of the glasses when she heard a cacophony of voices that she heard a few times and her body heats up. She couldn’t help but just stare at him, he stood out of his group like a beautiful floral patterned thumb. With her eyes following him until they all sat down on their usual spot, Bea couldn’t help but bite her lower lip, feeling her cheeks warm up even more when he laughed at something.

“Ohhhhh, cock-a-doodle-doo huh?” Shells’ teasing voice snapped her out of her staring, Bea’s green eyes wide as saucers, seeing her friend’s teasing grin, “How long until you finally make a move?”

“I…I don’t know what you mean.” she continued washing the same glass, the squeaking sound of the sponge rubbing against it giving her some of a distraction.

“Bea, please,” Shells took the glass from her hand, then tilted her head, “You look at that man like he hangs up the moon every time he comes by.” but her friend then turned to the opposite side, focusing on checking the liquor bottles. Shells sighed, coming to her friend’s side and crossing her arms, the brunette trying too hard to keep her eyes on the label.

“This is a 1975, right?”

“Bea.”

“I can’t really see, the label is a bit faded–” the bottle disappears from her hand, Beatrice snapping her gaze to Shells, who holds the liquor under her crossed arms, her eyebrows going up to her hairline. Beatrice sighs defeatedly, “I…I don’t know what you want me to say.” she shrugs “He’s so…” she groans, covering her face with her hands, “He’s so…so hot,Shells. and he sings! and-and he’s funny and…he’s everything I’ve always wanted in a guy.”

“One more reason to go to him.” Shells whispers, “He’s single and handsome. You are single and gorgeous.” the blonde held her fingers up in a V position, before joining the two with a kissing sound, “Perfect match.”

Bea frowned, “It’s not that simple.” she murmured “I…I mean…look at me Shells.” she spread her arms to emphasize. But her friend just frowned, “Oh come on, like…look at me I’m not the type of girl who gets guys like that.”

She was a curvy gal, always had been. Normally, she wouldn’t mind it, but when it comes to guys, more especially when it comes to Rooster she just lost a good amount of confidence. He was literally adonis personified, just the most beautiful man she had ever seen. and she felt less than pretty when she remembered the type of girls that surrounded him or worked with him. 

“You know that’s not true.” Shells said with her voice low, a kind smile on her face, “You have as much chance as any girl out there.” Bea however scoffed, “You gotta believe in yourself Bea. You are gorgeous, any guy would be lucky to have you.”

The brunette’s eyes stung with unshed tears, the same eyes she clenched shut in hopes to hold them in. Memories of past relationships flooding her brain, bringing memories she wished to forget “Can we not talk about this anymore?” Shells is about to say something else but a customer calls for a refill, which Bea thanks every powerful being for, slapping on a smiling mask, “Coming right up!”

Shells only watches her friend go to the opposite side to serve one of the guys there, laughing when he says something to her - clearly drunk -  before walking away. Shells’ stare broke when she heard the bell ring, turning on to face the person. 

She immediately smiled wider, “Hi Bob.”

She likes Bob, she thought he not only was sweet he was also so smart. He knew he had a hard time with the group, especially Jake, but he was getting there. She leaned on her elbows, giving him a sweet smile, “What can I get you?”

The way his cheeks flushed and his eyes tried to look anywhere but the cleavage she put on display was so cute, “Oh, uh, just more beer?”

“Sure! Should I put it in your tab?”

“Yes,please.”

Shells went to the fridge to grab the beers, then paused, sending a look to where Beatrice was currently talking to two female customers. She then looked over her shoulder to Bob, who smiled at her, then past Bob to where his group was…a devilish thought showed up in her brain, “Why don’t you wait with the others? I’ll bring it to you.” 

“Oh, okay! I’ll be there then.”

With the beers on top of a tray, she sent one last look to her friend who was still busy, then sped her step maneuvering through the crowd until she reached them. “There you go, more fuel for the pilots.” she teased, making them laugh while switching the empty bottles with the full ones, throwing some quick looks to her brunette friend, “So,” she rested the empty tray on her hip, “What else can I get you?”

“Your number would be nice, sweetheart.” Jake was quick to say, sending her a wink with the bottle to his lips.

Shells chuckled, “I meant something achievable,Hangman.”

“I think we are all fine.” Phoenix says, “Thanks Shells.”

“Hey, not a problem. Oh, just letting you guys know, I’ll go on a break in a few minutes so if you guys need anything else, you can ask Bea.” She kept an eye on everyone, but especially Rooster. The way his eyes just snapped to her friend made her insides flip in triumph, the little smirk on her face hidden by her biting the inside her cheek, “She’ll gladly serve you.”

Rooster’s eyes finally left the brunette at the bar counter, meeting Shell’s knowing blue gaze only to clear his throat and look away again, “Well” she drawled, walking backwards, sending them a salute, “Enjoy the night!”

The moment Shells approached the bar, she ran to her aunt, whispering something in her ear. Both Penny and Shells looked in Beatrice’s direction, who was leaning down to pick something behind the bar, unaware of the scheming happening behind her back.

Once the time came for Shells to have her break, Penny kept an eye on Beatrice. It took just a few seconds for a known pilot to approach the bar, the bell rang and Beatrice turned around with a wide smile, a smile that faltered for a quick second before returning - albeit a lot milder than before - “Hi!” her voice was higher, so she cleared her throat, “Um,hi.”

“Hey.” Rooster replied, leaning his elbows over the counter, which made Bea suck in a hard breath once she saw the curve of his pecs underneath the white tank top, “Can you believe I came here to get more beer? Just three this time though.”

She couldn’t help but huff out a chuckle, covering her mouth with her hands then “Well, it is a bar.” she adds, “I would be surprised if you came here for groceries.”

When he laughed at her joke she almost felt like fainting, biting her lower lip hard with her head dipped, “I-I’ll go get it.” practically power walking towards the freezer where she stood for a few minutes, letting the cool air hit her cheeks as she tried to calm herself. She shook her head for a quick moment, grabbing the beers between her fingers and turning back around, almost letting out a yelp of surprise to see he was still looking at her “There you go.”

“Thanks.” but he didn’t leave, pointing his index finger at her “Bea, right?” she nods with a small smile, “It’s weird, I’ve seen you for a while and never got your name.”

Maybe because she chickened out every time he seemed to want something, ending up telling Shells to do it, “Oh, well,” she only gave him a weak shrug, then felt like her arms were too exposed, quickly lacing her hands behind her back to hide them the best she could, “I haven’t been here long.”

He hummed, a tiny smile on his face, “I’m Rooster.”

“I know,” she blinks when his eyebrows raise in amusement, “I-I mean, I heard Penny and Shells talking about you and heard your name being called around.” her face was so warm she felt like she was boiling. She hoped the light above her head hid her blush from his view. “I…is there anything else I can get you?”

“I don’t think so, no.” he looks back at his friends, seeing they are still chatting amongst each other. Then his eyes travel to the splotches of ink on her upper arms, the parts that weren’t hidden behind her. However before he could ask her about them, she snaps her head ahead when she sees someone on the table lifting their glass.

‘Sorry I–” she moves her own finger over his shoulder, “I gotta go get this.”

“Oh, oh no no, yeah, go ahead.” he smiled and her knees almost buckled just like that, “I’ll go back then.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They stood there for a bit longer, until Rooster shook his head, picking the beers with one of his hands “I’l see you around then,Bea.” he smiles then turns on his heel back to the other pilots. Bea just stood there, face flaming and eyes wide, then she cleared her throat walking out from behind the bar to the table.

Penny, who watched the entire ordeal, just smiled, sending Shells a quick text once no one was looking:

“It’s on.”

[offbrandhange]

Wedding Day ! | 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

Fluff & NSFW headcanons on your wedding day/night with some of the AOT boys!

! Slight NSFW !

Warnings: Alcohol, mentions of sex, pregnancy. Fem ! reader.

Majority of this is fluff, but there are mentions of !BEEP! sooo yeah.

Characters: Armin, Eren, Erwin, Jean, Levi

a/n: I have to take my SAT tomorrow, please wish your girl good luck for those sweet, sweet good grades....

𝕬𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓 𝕬𝖗𝖑𝖊𝖗𝖙 ~

Helps you plan the wedding and possibly loves it even more than you do. He’s a sucker for quality time. 

Armin would prefer a small or medium-sized wedding. If you want a large wedding though, there’s no way he’s holding you back from having it. 

100% a beach wedding. No doubt.

The venue is BEAUTIFUL. Spent countless nights researching and visiting places to make sure you got the best.

Eren is chosen as the best man, although Armin feels guilty for having to pick only one out of all his friends.

On the day of the wedding, Armin is a panicking mess. Eren and Jean literally have to give him a pep talk before he goes to stand at the alter.

Practiced deep breathing techniques before the wedding. Unfortunately, they aren’t working.

When you finally walk down the isle, Armin starts crying softly. Eren put his hand on his shoulder to comfort him......which just made him sob harder. He cried multiple times during the wedding.

Your wedding rings are the set his grandfather and grandmother shared :’)

Specifically told the bartender not to serve Connie and Sasha more than 3 drinks. He doesn’t trust them making their own alcohol-related decisions at his wedding.

Armin isn’t a dancer but....he practiced how to slow dance just for you.

Shy at first when it comes to the more fast-paced dancing, but Jean coaxes him into it, and he ends up having a lot of fun.

The speeches are so nice!!! But mostly because Armin asked Mikasa to read them over before hand to make sure they were okay.

After the wedding ends and everyone has left, you and Armin sit and watch the waves at night.

NSFW below !

The beach was reserved...meaning it is now completely deserted. I am now politely reminding you, Armin is not a saint. Honeymoon sex on the beach, anybody?

The sex is slow and sweet; he takes his time with you and kisses you all over. It’s 100% the definition of, “making love.”

If you’re down for a kid right now, Armin’s down for a kid right now. He WILL try for a baby with you if it’s what you want.

After you made a mess of yourselves in the sand...Armin would probably let you sleep for a little bit as he watched the waves. He doesn’t want it to end yet.

When he’s finally content, he would carry you back to the hotel, trying not to wake you.

Super considerate dusting the sand off you, and then tucking you in bed. He’s totally cuddling you to sleep, too.

𝕰𝖗𝖊𝖓 𝕵𝖆𝖊𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

Pretty much gives you full control of the wedding planning; he only has a few requests.

Eren would be the type of dude to invite friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends. Your wedding is gonna be packed.

Has no idea what kind of wedding he prefers.

Please, god, don’t let him pick the venue. He will go to the first one, look around, and go, “Yeah, this is pretty nice.” That’s how you’ll end up getting married at an AirBNB with a nice backyard hidden behind the local Walmart.

Doesn’t know if he should make Armin or Zeke the best man, so he flips a coin to decide. It landed on Armin, and from that day on, Zeke was super salty.

Tries to convince you to try on the wedding dress/suit the day before. He can’t sleep that night because he’s so keyed up thinking about how pretty you’ll look.

On the day of the wedding, he’s super fucking ecstatic and practically bouncing all over the place.

Eren would get kind of impatient when waiting at the isle, to the point it would annoy the groomsmen. Jean came so close to saying something but was thankfully stopped by Armin.

When you finally walk down the isle, he’s BEAMING. He tears up a little bit out of happiness, but nothing too extreme.

Armin had to help him pick out the wedding rings otherwise you would’ve ended up with one of those plastic spider rings you win at Chuck e. Cheese’s.

Eren gets so fucking drunk you’re worried you might have to carry him back to the room by the end of the night.

Jean literally nit-picks everything Eren does the whole night....which almost ends up resulting in a drunken bar fight...at your wedding. It ends up fine, though, because Levi and Mikasa step in as bodyguards.

You SWEAR Mikasa is giving you dirty looks. Likewise, Eren SWEARS he’s getting dirty looks from Levi.

He does alright slow-dancing, but is so tipsy and distracted by how attractive you are to him, he’s kinda just....trying his best.

Absolutely OBLITERATES the dance floor when the fast-paced songs come on...

WILD assortment of speeches. Mikasa is crying, Armin’s reading a poem, Floch’s trying to get you to join his cult, Zeke is crying......and Eren is sitting there like, “Is this almost over.” You’d think it was America’s got talent, or something.

When the wedding ends, he 100% drags you to your favorite fast-food restaurant. Still in your wedding attire. Seriously, this dude is crazy, but he’s fun.

NSFW below !

When you get back to the hotel, he lets you eat your food--and then he fucks the shit out of you.

Way, way, way more rough than usual; super passionate sex. Multiple rounds, too. You don’t even KNOW how he has this much stamina by the end of the night.

Not even TRYING to get you pregnant, but his dumbass probably accidentally would.

Good luck trying to walk tomorrow!!!

When he’s finally tired, he is GONE. Like, you could scream bloody-murder and he still wouldn’t wake up.

𝕰𝖗𝖜𝖎𝖓 𝕾𝖒𝖎𝖙𝖍 ~

You can TRY and take that wedding planner from Erwin--the only way he’d give it to you is if you pried it from his cold, dead hand(s).

Tells people he’s married MONTHS before the wedding.

Everyone.....and I mean EVERYONE.....knows you’re getting married. he will walk up to strangers and brag about you.

Erwin invites everyone he sees. Elderly woman crossing the street? Invited. Barista at the coffee shop? Invited. Guy on the bus who offered him a seat? Invited.

All those people attend the wedding, too. Why? Everyone knows and loves Erwin. So when your wedding is literally PACKED with people you have never seen before--you’re only slightly surprised.

You know those reality shows where they have HUGE, expensive weddings? Your wedding would put theirs to shame. Erwin goes ALL OUT.

The venue? A literal castle. How did he manage to book and afford a castle? Don’t question it.

Your wedding dress doesn’t have a budget. Seriously, your wedding is crazy expensive--and straight out of a fairy tale.

You’re pretty sure Levi made himself the best man--and Erwin was fine with it.

Is super excited on the day of the wedding. He knows it’s going to be perfect; he got his eyebrows done just for the occasion.

When you walk down that isle his smile is SO BRIGHT. he is SHINING.

Yeah, those wedding rings? Imported from Italy, plastered with giant, real, diamonds. You will never be able to say Erwin doesn’t spoil you.

Pretty chill wedding, nothing’s too rowdy and everyone’s still having a good time.

Whispers sweet nothings and tells you how happy he is the whole night. He can’t go five minutes without saying, “I love you.”

Just TRY to get him to stop holding your hand; he won’t.

Erwin is so good at slow-dancing??? And he’s so careful with you, too. 100% the one in the lead, but he’s spinning and dipping you so sweetly. Not to mention the way he’s looking at you...

He’s a serious guy a lot of the time, but I honest to god believe in the sweetest way possible, you would genuinely have a really fun time fast-pace dancing with him. You would both be laughing at each other’s moves.

Majority of the speeches are super nice. Hange tried to get Levi to say something, brought him up to the stage and....he starred at the crowd for a couple awkward seconds, then walked off. He conveyed his message through his eyes, I guess?

The wedding is so long you weren’t sure it was ever going to end...

Hotel? Nah he booked that castle, that’s where you’re spending the night...

NSFW below !

You’re fucking in the king bed tonight baby, literally.

Pays attention to your needs/wants the WHOLE NIGHT. Seriously, he’s a soft dom, and makes sure you’re more than satisfied.

Tons of body worship?? He’s so sweet and careful with you.

Erwin secretly really, really wants to give you his babies and start a family with you on the honeymoon. If you’re willing, he will make sure he gets you pregnant; you’re getting no sleep.

After you’re done, he will run you two a bath and clean you off. He adds in a little bonus massage, too.

When you get in bed, he pets your head, cuddling you until you fall asleep. You could’ve sworn you saw him smiling before you drifted off to sleep.

𝕵𝖊𝖆𝖓 𝕶𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖎𝖓 ~

Jean would definitely help you plan the wedding--he values romance a lot, so having the perfect wedding for him and you, is important. He also doesn’t want to put all the weight on you.

Brags to his friends that he’s getting married--they all get tired of hearing about it.

Normal sized wedding--not too many, but not small, either. Lots of family and friends.

The venue is at a barn. Yes, he picked a barn. it’s a nice venue, too; the only problem is that he’s not going to be able to escape those horse jokes.

Marco is chosen as the best man--and when Connie hears about it, he sulks for a few days. He gets over it eventually, though.

He’s kind of nervous the day of--but Marco reassures him and teaches his some deep-breathing techniques.

Keeps his cool until he goes to stand at the alter--and then he’s in full-blown panic mode. “What if I can’t make her happy?” “What if she runs away with Eren?” meanwhile, Eren is standing right there with the other groomsmen, like “wtf?”

When you walk down the isle--he’s super overwhelmed. He feels a huge sense of relief you didn’t ditch him and run away, but also metaphorically hit by a semi-truck of emotions since he realized he’s ACTUALLY getting married. There’s a little bit of happy crying.

His mom picked out your wedding rings; you only find out when she brags about it--and Jean yells at her for telling you.

His wedding gift to you is a giant portrait he drew of you--and on the back, there’s a message in French. He won’t tell you what it says, but you’re pretty sure it’s an oath to love and protect you ‘till the day he dies.

He does pretty well slow-dancing. His mom also mentions he begged her to practice with him so he didn’t mess up.

He’s a little worried about making himself look like a fool dancing in front of you--but for you, he does it anyways; You both laugh your asses off and have a lot of fun.

The speeches make Jean look like he wants to drop dead from embarrassment. He’s not sure what’s worse--Connie and Sasha doing karaoke, Eren making horse jokes, or his mom telling all of his embarrassing baby stories.

After everyone leaves, Jean takes you to look at the animals before you leave, too.

NSFW below !

 As for honeymoon sex; you better not make a horse joke, otherwise you’re getting laid in that fucking barn. Maybe. He threatens that, but you know he wouldn’t want to have sex there on your wedding night. He’s 100% down for another time, though.

A mix of rough and sweet at the same time--he does the right things at the right times.

Is a lot more passionate and soft than usual--very careful with your body, and makes sure to really take everything in; He wants to remember the night for as long as he lives.

Immaculate aftercare; and on top of that, he lets you fall asleep in his arms, occasionally kissing your forehead.

Bonus: he sings you to sleep.

𝕷𝖊𝖛𝖎 𝕬𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖓 ~

Lets you plan the wedding, but looks it over and makes sure there’s nothing too crazy happening. He, somehow, is worried you’re going to plan a circus or something else ridiculous to show up.

No one knows you’re getting married until the envelopes are mailed to family and friends. In fact, some people didn’t even know you were together.

Pretty small wedding, it’s mostly people who are very close to you two. It has a very homey-feel.

The venue HAS to be indoors. Levi thinks an outdoor wedding is unsanitary--so you end up getting married in a banquet hall.

Erwin is 1000% the best man. You don’t even have to ask, you already know it’s going to be Erwin.

Is literally shaking and sweating his ass off he’s so nervous the day of the wedding--if anyone asks, though, he swears he is fine. Has no idea it’s completely obvious he’s on the verge of absolutely freaking out.

Erwin and Hange try to get him to relax--but he continues to deny that he is in fact, NOT calm.

When you walk down the isle and he makes eye contact with you--his brain short-circuits. His mind literally stops working and is constantly repeating, “p...p...pre....pretty..” the whole damn time.

Mentally saves the image of you in your dress/suit to use as his motivation to always come home to you.

Tries to remain expressionless, but is literally tomato-red and on the verge of crying; he never thought he’d be able to find happiness--it feels like everything is finally going to be okay. Erwin is smiling like a proud dad, and Hange is trying to suppress their amazement that the dude’s showing emotion.

Your wedding rings are fairly plain--but on the inside of the bands, both of your names are etched.

He won’t read the vows out loud, he simply hands you a letter and tells you to read it another time.

When the time comes to kiss--Levi literally hides behind you and shyly pulls you in. The view the audience gets is your back--and they aren’t sure whether to clap or not.

Your wedding gift to him was a giant assortment of different teas--and he genuinely seemed really excited to try them. He didn’t realize it, but when he mentioned tasting them, he said, “with you” at the end.

Has no idea how to slow dance. Erwin tried to help him, but it didn’t do much, so you teach him on the spot. Your first dance, he concentrates really hard on not messing up, eyebrows furrowed and all.

Doesn’t know how to dance fast-pace either, in fact, he’s pretty confused. You have to grab the man and force him out of his comfort zone, spinning him and all. Hange and the Survey Corp members are laughing their ass off at his bewildered face.

The speeches went pretty well--except for when Hange didn’t stop talking; Levi threatened to force them off the stage, and you don’t think he was joking.

The wedding was fairly short--but only because Levi rushed everyone home; he just wanted to drag you off and keep you to himself for the rest of the day.

After the wedding, he takes you to a spot nearby to watch the sunset. He has a soft smile, and you can tell he’s genuinely happy.

You take HIM back to the hotel--he would’ve been fine staying there just a little longer, in the peace of it all.

NSFW below !

You’re literally taking his virginity. He saved himself for marriage; he wanted to make sure he gave himself to the right person.

Very nervous--and kind of insecure, too. He isn’t sure what you’ll think of him, and he’s worried about you seeing his scars. He STILL isn’t completely convinced you really want him.

Lots of body worship and reassuring him; he melts at your touch.

Once he gets comfortable and into it, he repeats “I love you” a lot.

He doesn’t last very long...but keeps going until you get off, too. He’s still a little confused by everything, so you have to teach him.

He’s half asleep after cumming--but still insists the two of you need to get in the shower.

Was too tired to stand, so you took a bath together instead. He falls asleep, leaning on you, when you massage his head.

You end up being unable to wake him up--the man is dead tired from not only sleep deprivation, the long day, but also his first time.

You can’t get him out of the bathtub, either--he’s too bulky to lift. You expected him to be much lighter due to his height, but his muscle makes him a lot more heavy.

Hange and Erwin have to be called to haul his ass--naked--out of the tub and into the bed. Hange is of no help since they’re laughing so hard--and Erwin is helping, but trying so hard not to break face and laugh too.

After they leave, you cover him up and cuddle into his frame; you could swear you heard a quiet, “thank you.”