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#and i know they would. they always do. Always saying just 'dont do that' instead of considering why i do
toxic3mmy · 2 days
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Quackity catching you watching edits of him. 😭
eeeeeek im always watching edits, also this is a super short drabble
prompt: alex finds you not so sneakily watching edits of him
no warnings!!
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you were supposed to be doing some studying but the second you grabbed your phone, you were distracted. before you knew it, you were almost an hour into watching edits of your boyfriend.
you couldn’t help it! he was just so hot and people seriously made some really good edits of him.
you were laying faced down on your bed with your feet in the air, kicking back and forth. you felt like a giddy school girl the way you would giggle and start to blush the more you watched these edits.
“y/n! im home… what are you doing?” he asked as he stood in the doorway
“oh uh, nothing. hi… im so glad you’re home” you said, trying to sneakily hide your phone away
“are you sure? it looks like you’re trying to hide your phone..” he chuckled softly
“i was just watching a video and i got a bit distracted, ya know, surfing the web… looking at memes” you say nonchalantly
“well.. i could use a little laugh, show me some” he offered
“i don’t think you’ll find them funny… how was work?” you say quickly, trying to change the subject
“oh come on, dont be silly. of course ill find whatever you’re looking at funny. let me see” he pouted and started walking closer to you
“lexie!” you yelped as he tried to quickly snatch your phone
the two of you playfully wrestled each other, trying to take hold of your phone. at some point, the phone had slipped from your grip and alex was looking at the screen. he looked up at you with a smirk
“memes huh? y/n, it looks like you’re watching edits of me”
“n-no i wasn’t… it’s this weird virus everyone has been getting lately” you facepalmed, realizing how stupid that sounded
he clicked play and a spanish song began to play as snippets of alex merged together on your phone screen
“that is just a terrible, terrible excuse, princesa” he said,
“so tell me, what’s your favorite edit of me?” he purred into your ear
“well since you asked so nicely… probably this one with an audio of you saying you have your house empty until 9pm..” you say shyly
“ohh… so you want to be alone with me huh? well guess what?”
“what” you answered
“i don’t see anyone else here with us… why don’t you stop watching those edits and instead, i give you a private show hm?”
“o-okay” you stuttered as he crawled over you slowly
“i thought you’d like that idea, sweetheart” he said as he reached forward to kiss you
he definitely gave you a show way better than the edits you enjoyed watching.
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twistedastrology · 3 days
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- A Cancer's Appearance -
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yes i yap a lot about cancers but what do u expect im literally a cancer rising and i hate that everyone gets us wrong as fuck 😕
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going orange this time bc i want color in my life rn-
ANYWAY ok so i saw a tiktok last night that was the rising signs and their appearance and Ofc they said cancers often have very soft, rounded features "like the full moon" and generally have very prominent chests and my spindly ass is watching that shit like No.
SO what do cancer placements actually look like!!! Bc i actually went thru the comments and saw a lot of cancer risings not relating and im like OK so it's not just me-
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first off, i see ppl saying cancer risings look different compared to cancer suns or other placements and i have never noticed this myself. im not entirely sure why a rising placement would look different from a sun placement but what do i know i could just be an idiot-
ANYWAY-
in my experience, both personal and observational, cancers tend to be very lanky and spindly people-
they might have Slightly softer facial features but not without definition.
being their sister sign, ive noticed heavy capricorn placements tend to have jawlines of the gods, and so do cancers usually, just in a slightly different way.
capricorn bone structures generally look very <. Like very sharp and strong as if they have like no tissue on top of their bones and it's just skull and skin kinda- Cancer bone structures look very???? Not ) but like if < was a just Slightly more rounded- they have more muscle definition in their faces rather than bone definition if that makes sense.
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^ to help u understand what im yapping abt, im bringing local 99% capricorn man awsten knight (lead singer of the band waterparks) to the table.
this motherfucker is so capricorn it's not even funny- he's got not 1, not 2 but SIX capricorn placements in his fucking chart- sun, mercury, mars, uranus, neptune and north node-
and unfortunately no face reveal yet but u gotta trust me when i say i look just fucking like him and i have 0 capricorn placements and like 0.5 earth placements in general.
i look like awsten if he was like a twinge more rounded like a TWINGE- i got the same sharpness right it's just like?? HAHAHAH it's like sharp corners of wood sanded down that's the difference- like sanded just enough so they're a little more rounded out but they're still pretty sharp edges u know what im saying-
(waterparks is an amazing band btw should totally check them out if u havent already they're in my top 3 all-time fav bands along with bad omens and korn)
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and i have another topic abt cancers brewing in my head rn that ill have to write abt in a separate post but i dont think cancers are actually the crab i think they're the spiders- ill put an arachnophobia warning on that post bc ill probably put multiple spider images But i say that for several reasons-
one such being that most spiders are Very Spindly!!!!! they're 90% limbs!!! and the cancer placements that i know are Usually also 90% limbs, there being some exceptions ofc as always-
me personally ive always been extremely tall and lanky, i am indeed 99% limbs and for a while until i gained more muscle, looked malnourished 💔 (someone accused me of having anorexia at one point, that's a story for another day tho- i do actually have an eating disorder but not anorexia)
this could also be because im extremely mercury dominant but ive seen people say that mercurians are Short which makes absolutely NO sense to me at all- ill do a post on that at some point 💔💔
but i also consider cancers to be neptune ruled instead of moon ruled, and to me, neptunians would be very spindly.
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all this to say that in my experience, cancers are not rounded or large chested, they tend to be very lanky, small-chested actually, potentially tall, and have very defined eyes for some reason or another-
in my case i have the most dark purple bags under my eyes you will ever see in your entire life (i got a sleep disorder that makes me legitimately nocturnal 🙏😔), and you can see like every emotion im experiencing in my eyes very easily IF u know me well enough (which my mom is the only one who can genuinely see everything)
i also have a REAL bad case of resting bitch face AND crazy eyes, which the crazy eyes i think are boosted by my mars conjunct asc and my uranus trine asc 🙏🙏🙏
one thing the tiktok said though that did make sense a little was "cancers are usually the spitting image of their mother, like copy + paste"
i dont think it's just the mother i think it's whichever parent you're closest to, but i Am a direct copy paste of my mom in both appearance and everything else tbh- and she's a cap rising + aries sun/mercury/venus- and we both have mars in cancer, but that's her only cancer placement so 🤔
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once again this is my personal experience so if this checks out, god bless, n if it doesn't my bad i tried 🙏😔
plenty more cancer content to come i fear because there is So much that so many ppl get wrong about them 😕
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I feel like barnabys favorite drink (alcoholic) might be a old fashioned? And non alcoholic mixed drink. Might be a Shirley temple. (Which Is my favorite non alcoholic mixed drink!)
(Of course this is all my opinion! But yea!
he Does feel like a classy guy, huh? but who's to say! Who's. To. Say...
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flareboi · 2 months
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what if purple never calls him dad
#what if the word ‘dad’ is something purple doesn’t like.#what if it carries a bad connotation for them and a bitter reminder for mango.#family doesnt always have to look like one thing yknow? i dont think those two would have a traditional dynamic in that way#maybe purple does consider him their parent. they just dont call him ‘dad’ unless its in third person#and theyre fine with that and so is he#king is his father figure yes but he’s also a mom. a big brother. a sister. their dynamic just isnt captured in purple calling him ‘dad’#maybe his name is the best way they can say it. the best way they can appreciate him#because for purple a father is someone who hurts you. someone who leaves you#i think ‘purple calls him dad on accident’ is a cute idea#but honestly it would make more sense if they called him mom on accident instead. or if it happened when they were afraid. not comfortable#(this is presuming orchid is his mother and navy his father based on the pronouns used in the react vids iirc)#because why would purple refer to someone he sees as a parent with the title of the one that presumably did not raise them?#and on mangos end#i think u can kinda tell who in this fandom has never lost a loved one in how they characterize him#guys. grief doesnt leave. it never leaves.#you just learn to live with it!!!#mango is not okay just because he has a new kid to take care of. i would know this my bio mom passed and i have a stepmother!!!#she does not fill that void and i do not expect her to because it cannot be filled. but she brings a lot new to ease the pain and is a#wonderful part of my life#the same thing here#mango will never ever just .. go back to how he was#he will never be the same since gold died. and thats okay#purple will not change that. they will merely add something new#their dynamic can be beautiful and nontraditional and a showing of how grief can change you#it doesnt have to be ‘replacement dad and replacement son’#its so much more#oke. tag rant over#fett rambles#ava#uhh should i tag the chars
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puppyeared · 5 months
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Helloooo popping in to say I love your art! It’s cute and feels soft (reminds me of when you’ve got a really smooth pencil and it just ghosts across the paper) but your poses and anatomy also give it a good feeling of realism :D
classic question here; do you have anything you’d say is a big influence on your art? I love seeing what people answer and trying to connect it back to the kind of thing they currently make :]
!! thank u!!! i do wish i could get more creative with angles, but im happy knowing my art gives u that feeling ^_^
I really enjoy comics!! I like poking thru graphic novels and webcomics, so I've fallen into the habit of exposing myself to lots of different styles over time that I'm fairly explorative with my art. It gives me a lot to study, especially since different artists have different strengths and preferences
I also think of myself as a simple person, so I'm not strongly attached to anything in particular... I notice a lot of artists find their ground in certain interests or aesthetics. But since I'm not really like that, I try to put a bit of myself in whatever I draw to connect with my art better. Its probably why I like taking creative liberty when making fanart lol
im also drawn to indie creative work like games and animation! they tend to be extremely varied and unique from each other, which is great since I work from my own sense of curiosity. I also hate repetition, so having things that set themselves apart visually or otherwise is something I like to look for.
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tealfruit · 8 months
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it's really a shame I have to sell 40+ of my life hours every week for poverty wages instead of spending all my time and energy on dozens of creative and technical pursuits with unlimited resources
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redrockbutch · 5 months
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The thing I hate the most about Christmas is that it has the simplest, most obvious holiday gimmick ever (give and get presents) but the Christmas Lovers™ just. Refuse to accept that this could possibly be a factor in why people who aren't children like Christmas over other holidays like sorry but you live across the street from your parents I dont believe that you literally only ever see your family But One Day A Year on Christmas, so the whole "I just love being with family uwu" schtick is so fucking transparent just say you like presents!!! Just say it!
"Oh the strange mystical unnameable magic of Christmas..."
Yeah that's presents and enforced Christianity and it's never been mystical or strange
#I have had two people in my life ask me about Christmas traditions with my family when not forced to do so by a questionnaire of some kind#every year everyone I know asks me what I got for Christmas#THE PRIORITIES ARE NOT OBFUSCATED IN ANY WAY#Cassidy.txt#I genuinely and truly would have so much less of a problem with people acting like I'm a serial killer for thinking Christmas is overrated#if they would admit that they like it mainly bc of presents#but instead I'm painted as a hater of humanity bc I think Santa Claus is fucking stupid and pointing out you could do literally every singl#'Christmas activity' whenever you want but you dont. you ignore your parents who live across the street until it's FB photo time.#so I guess there's also a kind of Christmas lover who just likes the social cache floating around this time of year#if it seems like I post about this a lot it's because everyone ignores it whenever I have brought it up interpersonally in any way :)#if you dont like Christmas you get social ostracization#FROM ADULTS?#You asked if I'm excited for Christmas and just said 'not really' and then we dont talk for three days#it's just a fucking day you could give people presents and do stuff together whenever you wanted!#put down the hallmark channel. it's just a fucking day like any other. you give everything your own meaning and I find none in it and#that takes nothing from anyone!!!!#I will say the funniest thing is hearing people describe why they like Christmas#and realizing they're just describing having time off of work#yes they're anti union they always are 🫶
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girlscience · 5 months
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speaking of being slow. i wish i was a faster writer. i can write and i can write well, but it takes me significantly longer than nearly everyone i know. i just cannot get words out as easily as other people seem to and it is so frustrating all the time. i am working on editing my resume right now for applications. this is the third day i have worked on it. all i have needed to do this entire time is change the format to fit grad school rather than a job and add my recent work history. this isn't even two pages long. i have been working on it for 3 and 1/2 hours tonight and it's still not done. ITS NOT EVEN 500 WORDS APPARENTLY. i want to cry
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kn11ves · 2 months
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emotional support group for autistics who got called condescending and rude as kids just for responding to things directly and still not knowing how they were being mean
#what did i do#i got constantly told by my mother and step father (and his family) that i always talked like i knew better than they did or that i was#just as mature. i was just fuckjng talking what the hell did you want me to do#why do you feel attacked when a 10 year old speaks to you as an adult????? literally what#i dont know on that note sometimes its just like i dont even feel like ive aged at all#sure i have a giant explosion of time in my head just Gone from my memory because i was getting abused but like i dont feel like ive aged#or really matured ive felt like ive alwats felt#i cant relate when epople are like me when i feel all my ages or i wish i could go back to being x age or being x age everything felt so#different..like no it didnt. or im missing something?#i have never in my life felt like anything has changed. ive always been this old. there is no ''inner child'' and ive never had childhood#innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍#ugh jst rmemebred skmething that happened with my white step dad's mother#we visited her house and she literally fucking didnt let me go (not physically) until i replied to her with Correct Granmar. what was i#doing? i was reaponding to her by saying ''yeah'' and she kept repeating ''yes'' like telling me to say yes instead of yeah and i didnt#Fucking Get It because guess what you old white cracker i barely fucking speak english and you are just saying things in an aggressive tone#like thats gonna make me get it. and i Didnt i just kept replying yrah to her yes's and then she got tired of it and we left out the door#and theeeeen i got yelled at in the car by being called disrespectful and rude by my parents. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?????????#those crackers never liked me LOL i literally know they didnt#ugh i rmemeber this one time my step dads father was like trying to show me some dumb boxing or karate or something punching move and he#told my mother that i was good at it because he felt i had a lot of aggression and then NY MOTHER YELLED AT ME IN THE CAR FOR IT??????#oh fucking wonder why te kid being abused mighthave aggression but she didnt Know (apart from what She was doing to me) like why would it#be my fucking fault if he thought i had aggression in me HOW IS THAT MY FAULT WHAT DIDBI DO I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE MOVE BECAUSE WELL#I WAS TRYING TO GET ALONG BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO#she was like do you know how much that embarassed me and WHAT THE HELL HE SAID IT I DIDNT I WAS LIKE#8??? OR SOMETHING???? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! I DIDNT KNOW WOMAN WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME#mothers when they mother👍
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x-crowmancer-x · 2 days
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OKAY RANT ON VIVZIEPOP SCROLL PAST IF YOU DONT CARE
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I like Viv as an artist, shes inspired me since frickin middleschool with her animations, character designs, and now 2 shows holy crap. I just really wish she'd get off social media for her own mental health cuz good god it's not great to see a whole thread of tweets arguing with someone about the dislike of fanfiction having homophobic undertones its just... agdhdh Viv is a pretty controversial person due to unfortunate past events and having shows that present some darker subject matter. Honestly? I want to see Viv not just move past the previous controversy, but learn from it to be better. Its totally fair tho if you think the handling of certain topics arent done well, there are things people will have preference over. And I dont give a fuck about shipping, I dont wanna see it, frankly. If you're doin somethin shady with it and I see it I'm certainly not going to like it and I'll do my best to not interact with you, but I think we should make tagging things just a common thing? Keeps things organized and people can intake what they want while the stuff they dont want is not being shown to them. Same goes with headcanons they're someone imagining something, they arent holding the creators hostage to make it canon. Canon is silly anyways! Both the OG and a headcanon can exist because AUs and headcanons are just another version of the thing. Headcanons arent going to change the episodes, they'll still be the same way the creators made it. So like... chill.
Just as long as it has no mental or physical negative implications or intent against actual living people I will add.
Dont harrass actors because they play a villian you need to separate fiction and reality it's literally their job to pretend to be someone else.
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nexus-nebulae · 29 days
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so like. lately I've been feeling like there's some kind of Thing living in this house with me, like a spirit or creature or something, and i feel like it's been here a long time bc of how long things have been going missing in this house with no explanation. and i noticed when i got really badly sick i lost something and it made me like. sob uncontrollably bc it was important. and then i started Finding things in odd places. so i started thanking the mysterious entity. and now I'm finding More Stuff more often. and like i feel strange for believing in this entity bc I've always been told believing in pagan things is childish (??????) and feel awkward thanking it but also i Want To bc it's polite. anyway i wanna like. leave a little offering or something but don't know what would be appropriate bc i also dont know what entity this is
#first thought is like. house fairies#I've always thought it was something fae related i think?#but like i. don't really know a lot about real fairy folklore bc of all the Media I've consumed#i don't really know what's accurate and what isn't#like sometimes fairies are depicted as extremely powerful and like. human sized#sometimes they're just tiny little trickster guys#and also i don't know what folklore like. applies to me if that makes sense?????#im White™ and whatever culture my ancestors had was scrubbed away to force jesus in instead and i don't know how much my blood matters#I'm mostly german and welsh and was raised like. loosely catholic#and the word appropriation has been watered down so much by The Internet that i can never tell if I'm Doing That anymore#I'm just scared to do literally anything bc what if someone says i am#but also i feel very very drawn to certain myths and stories and entities and feel like letting that go would tear me apart in a way#like I'd just lose something and there'd be a hole that couldn't be filled by any other belief#I've TRIED to fit in other beliefs but they just don't click#i dunno. im scared of doing something wrong but it feels like home to me#anyway i want to leave an offering to this Entity in my house to thank it for returning some things#but dunno what i could use#do you think a fairy would appreciate lactose free vanilla coffee creamer. we dont have normal milk#i also wonder if candy would work. i have a ton of chocolate and caramel#though i also wonder if the Entity is stealing candy from the jars on my windowsill#i wouldn't mind that i don't mind sharing
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strrwbrrryjam · 1 month
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I wish I had other ways to express my emotions but no I gotta be a bitchass and cry about it
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If i had to pick (and lbr you do) between either roman or tomgreg being canonically gay and explored in the series id pick roman 100%. Tomgreg going canon would set gay rights back by like 40 years
#like its still a big tv show they can only have one gay person on it#succ#i think tomgreg will always be reaching new insane heights of whatever the fucknis wrong with them#but roman. roman.#the gerri thing was completely a mommy issues deal#roman ‘for reasons of … we dont know why i cant pee next to other men’ roy#i enjoy watching his torment and quite frankly i cant think of anything that would turn him inside out with misery#quite like the slow tortuous realization that everything his father is disgusted by in him#are the things that make him feel happy and at peace and loved#i hope his interactions with mattson are confusing and scary and addicting and he keeps going back#mencken works too but im sorry that more boring.2 me. ohhh hes into it bc facism bad but he likes when thing bad we get it.#thats the same thing hes been doing tho#now imagine: rome but hes in a relationship with someone whos a little fascinated by him#this dettached deadeyed weirdo who doesnt roll his eyes when he speaks#and instead seems to listen to every word and remember what he says#and who maybe. just maybe. even cares about him#like mattson would definitely treat him like a bug under glass but roman ‘dog cage and chocolatte cake’ roy#would easily mistake that for love#idk not articulating it well. might write a fic abt it. we’ll see#tomgreg canon truthers btw no hate i lov the ship sorry if this shows up in the tag#but theyre definitely going to be in weird limbo forever & ever#i think at best tomgreg will become canon? (audible question mark)#i think they could fuck nasty and weird on screen and tom would start gaslighting greg into thinking it didnt happen#because nothing like. nice or good happens in the show its about misery#i want tomgreg to stay on ao3 so i can read abt tom healing after leaving waystar#anyways!#chatter
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magioffire · 2 years
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am i the only one who gets slightly irritated (read: irrationally irritated) when americans are discussing american issues amongst themselves and some european has to come in like “WELL ACKULLY all you dumb americans are wrong and stupid and also fat cant forget to mention that and LET ME TELL YOU why your experience is Wrong” like please...shut up....please god...
#just like its annoying when americans think everything is about them its ALSO annoying when europeans think their experience is superior#like whenever we are discussing the problem of heat related death in america and how AC/central air should be a human right#theres always someone who has to be like#'ACKTUALLY youre stupid and fat and selfish if you use AC typical americans just open your windows to keep cool!!'#meanwhile they live somewhere temperate and cool and have never dealt with the extreme temps that can be common in many parts of america#please if youre european and you think you got something smart to say about how americans live you most likely dont know the half of it#and try talking to us instead of just being like lol typical dumb americans!! doing dumb things!!#and why do they always gotta bring up weight too when they are losing a debate with an american#every single time its always the 'well...YOURE A FAT AMERICAN!!" when we actually bring up good points#i guess clownery knows no borders or nationality#anyway i woke up and made the mistake of reading the comments in an article discussing AC as a right in oregon#after 100 people died from heat related death#theres always someone who has to be a purposely obtuse little SHIT#rant cw#and dont even get me started on how some europeans are very purposely obtuse when discussing racial issues in america#dont EVEN get me started#also theres the fact that with climate change related heat waves becoming more common EVERYWHERE#youd think it would be more like yeah we've been having heat problems here in europe too this is how we cope with it#instead of ...whatever THIS SHIT IS#(also a lot of our buildings esp lower income cheap buildings arent made to withstand super extreme temps for long periods of time)#(because they were either A. built in a MUCH cooler time B. built with a 'fuck it we gotta flip houses' mindset in mind so they are Cheap)#(or the heat reducing measures in old buildings were enough 150 years ago but they arent enough now)
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robotpanties · 8 months
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ouu. elaborating on my idea from earlier a bit more
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autisticlee · 1 year
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it always pisses me off when people start ghosting me and completely cut me off and think i'm annoying because I didn't ~get the hint~ all because they're too much of a coward to be straightforward and honest with me!!!!
i'll keep asking about a thing or when we are hanging out or try to converse with them, because their response is always excuses and not straight up "no" so how am I supposed to know?! either short responses of 1-5 words that I can't really respond to or things like "I'm busy this weekend/I'm too tired today/I forgot about it/we can try next time/I'll get back to you and le you know" are apparently all hints and lies to hide the truth. what they really mean when they tell me this is "no, stop asking. stop talking to me. I do not want to hang out with you or talk to you anymore"
why can't you just say that?! it will save you the annoyance of me asking you 20 times because i took your words at face value. your excuses sound temporary and you didn't get back to me so maybe you forgot. there are rare times people say these things and it's the truth or they really did forget!!!! when I say it, it's the truth. I also have a bad memory. you can't just suddenly ghost me for that! it's on you if you aren't being honest with me. it's up to you to be straightforward and tell the truth so you don't waste both our time. (what's worse is this is usually one of the first things I tell people when we meet. that I need then to be straightforward and honest. they promise they will but that's also a lie)
ghosting is so cruel (when the other person has no bad intentions/isnt causing harm). more cruel than telling me to my face you hate me and never want to speak again! i actually prefer that, so i at least know and can give up on your useless ass and stop wasting my time. don't give me false hope when i'm really excited to be friends and hang out, don't waste my time and energy and efforts, and don't lead me on with lies only to crush my entire soul when I find the truth much later. just say it and get it over with!!!! it's your fault if I annoy you by "not taking the hint" because there was no hint, lying isn't a hint. spill the truth and don't blame me for it!!!!!!
this is why i've given up with people and now only give attention to the ones who contact me first every time continuously, and I put little effort into anything anymore. I know that will end up making some people give up on me by thinking i dont care. but I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on the people who put no effort into me. you must prove yourself and keep doing it or I won't try at all. the people who ghost me and hurt me are to blame. yes, I live a very lonely existence with maybe one friend I talk to once every week or two for a total of 5 minutes at most. yes I wish I had more connections or closer ones. but i'm SO FUCKING TIRED. i'm tired of trying so much and so hard just for people to shit on my efforts and disrespect my needs and boundaries!!!!!!
why should I keep trying when it always ends bad and adds yet another layer to my trauma.
#it happens every time!!!!!!!! i dont havw the spoons amd energy to keep giving these people every piece of me. theres nothing left!!!!!#people always tell me keep trying dont give up dont cut yourself off from everyone etc#but everyone cuts ME off so wtf am i supposed to do????? keep wasting energy and brain power just to let them keep doing it?!#its like if you spend a year carefully crafting a custom blanket for someone. putting in all your love and time and energy. give it to them#AND THEY SER IT ON FIRE AND WALK AWAY. NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING HOW HARD YOU WORKED OR ANYTHING#that's what its like every time i try with people. it's a waste and i never get anything good out of it 😭#so why would it be wrong to protect myself by taking the part of the cold and unresponsive one for once? act like them instead?#no try or give someone much attention until they do like i always did and put in a ton of effort and keep it going?#if someone tries as hard as i always did then they must be good and worthy of keeping around and putting some effort into myself right?#ugh idk. i hate all of this and humans arent good at being good friends and im tired of trying to be one too#perhaps me not trying will make people think i dont care about them so they give up still anyway. well oh well#that means they didnt try gard enough and would have given up anyway. if i dont get attached or care much first then it hurts less#i know everyone tries to make me feel better by saying stuff like the right ones exist and my people are out there or whatever#but i will not believe it until i see it. because it's possible that is not true. it's possible i'll never have real/close friends#what then????? what do i do about that?? people love telling me i'll find the right people but no one steps up to try being that one#this all sounds doom and gloom but I'm just venting. in reality i just give it 3 tries.#if a person makes excuses or doesnt respond or doesnt carry the conversation 3 times on a row i will give up and it's their move.#if they dont come forward at all then we are done and i will never reach out to or speak to them again. if they want me they can prove it#lee rambles#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#autistic friendship#friendship problems#loneliness#communication#cptsd#rsd#the fun thing about the cptsd and rsd combo is when people do these things i get hit with a wave if every past experience and relive it 🙃
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