#friendship problems

[positivelypositive]

🍄

a small reminder that...

...not every problem can be solved instantly.

...not every problem is real.

...not every problem is a roadblock.

some problems can be temporary. others can be based on our assumptions, while some can be a blessing in disguise.

take a deep breath. you've got this ✨

[autisticlee]

I have realized I need more friends, especially a specific type of friend (chill, positive, very nice and gentle, shares interest in my interests, etc) so I've been putting a lot of time and effort and energy into trying to make a new friend, but I don't think it's working D: I genuinely don't know how to do it. I used to ask people if we can be friends but learned thats not correct and even got called creepy for it before...so i'm just exhausting myself for no reason because nothing is being reciprocated the way I want or need it to be.

i'm trying to learn about the person and tailoring my scripts to match them and what they seem to like about people they are friends with. but so far i'm not getting much reaction outside of general kind acknowledgment that all random strangers get. i'm trying so hard not to ramble or rant about anything or be "too negative" like i've been called many times for simply stating a related/relatable fact about myself. i'm trying to ask questions more questions like ive been told to do. i'm saying nice and positive things whenever I get the chance like i always do. i'm doing all the things people have advised me to do when ive asked advice, but it still feels like i'm looking through a window and not allowed to walk through the door! but see everyone else getting invited inside. I genuinely don't know what to do and how to make it better 🥲

when I look back in the past and how I made friends or starter talking to people, it always came from trauma bonding....often it would start from or be carried along by a shared interest, but one of the dominating factors was always trauma bonding and ramling and ranting at each other about the trauma we have gone through that relates to each other. I felt like I needed it at the time and felt like it helped, but now i've reached a point where it's too exhausting to go through repeated exposure to trauma stories and reexperiencing ny own traumas. plus it usually ends in failure and me adding more trauma to my plate because they have issues and lash them out at me, or decide they are upset that I have my own issues they trigger, and I do not want to do that anymore.

I don't want to befriend people through or to trauma bond. I don't want to befriend people who only want to talk about negative things or people who bring out those things in me. I want some positive and chill and fun friends. but I genuinely do not know how else to make friends. I don't know how to do it right. I don't know how to talk to people correctly. I don't know how to do any of this without trauma dumping/ l listening to trauma dumping and using that as the gateway to form friendships.

I don't know how to have friends that don't share same interests either, but I have realized that's only part of it. that part is fine I think. maybe that's the normal part. (it's my autistic intensity that's the "not normal" part and losing friends as soon as one of us loses that interest) but how do I befriend someone positively off of similar interests only, and not drop my dark lore or avoid letting them drop their dark lore and using that as the bridge? I simply can't figure out how to connect with people in any other way than the whole "I understand what you're going through/you're not alone/I'm here for you/this is a safe space you can come to" thing I tried building up my whole life. but that's only been exhausting and leads to dead ends.

I don't know how to form strong and positive connections with other humans, despite following every tutorial and advice I could find. I even tried heavily masking and learned I'm just no good at it, and I can't figure out if i've acted myself out of a personality, or if it's just a dissociative disorder causing me to have like 20 different ones (working with therapist now who is evaluating me for osdd/did because she says my dissociative levels are concerning. and honestly i feel like part if not all of it is due to my negative people experiences....so i really need positive ones!) i've been trying to keep all my rambles and rants and negative thoughts and feelings to this blog only. i'm not here on this blog to make friends. this is purely for me and myself and I. if anyone relates they are welcome to reply/comment or send an ask and share, but i'm not going to pursue a friendship over it.

I only want to accept positive and chill and fun friendships over my special interests and smaller interests (I have a whole other blog for just those) BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT. NOTHING ANYONE TELLS ME WORKS. i'm trying so hard to bond over interests with people but just cannot form any connections no matter how hard I try. it remains me being the only one to ever reach out and give (time/energy/attention/etc) while they can easily have 4747373 other friends and people they enjoy and care about and talk to and hang out with. so I don't think it's them. it has to be me. (I've had people saying it's not me, it's the people I try to talk to and I need to find other people. or even "the right people" but i'm not told how to do that or what it means. and i've spent years flipping through people like clothes on a rack and it's so tiring!!!!!)

don't know know what to do or how to do it, but need human interaction and genuine strong connection and can't force self stop craving that 😭😭😭😭😭

[peripheralyy]

slope.

sometimes i feel

im not doing enough

but the lengths i go

to appreciate you

why isnt the feeling 

reciprocated?

sometimes i think

you hate my guts

i try my best

all that i can

you say “inclusivity”

i held onto it

but after all this time

why am i uninvited?

sometimes i go

“you’re overthinking again”

spiraling down and down

into the never-ending abyss 

down a slippery slope,

made of blood and tears

but what if maybe

its not all in my head

and you just really hate me

don’t you?

sometimes i know

i’m not enough

maybe i take more things

than i bring to the table

i know, i know, i know

you hate my soul

you say that you don’t

but i hear it in your tone

and now i know

i’m overthinking again

i’ll climb back up this slope

and slide back down tomorrow.

[sins-and-sincerity]

you don’t talk to me because you don’t care enough.

— i won’t talk to you because you don’t care enough.

i’m losing either way. I’m always always on the losing side.

[xidklolbyex]

Am I in the wrong? What did I do wrong?

Okay I don't know how to like start this off but I am really confused on why I am being blocked and hated on, so an issue happened with two ex friend's of mine, let's name them H and G. Here is a little background/backstory, I met them online through instagram and OB! We got to know each other, play Obey Me!, Genshin, etc. we've known each other since 2020 so during covid. I spend more time with G the estimate is 16+ hours of my day, everyday, even if I am really busy, I still make time for G to play video games, they don't like to role-play so I respected their choice, chat, laugh, talk about our future and when we get to see each other in real life, making sure they feel loved, sleep on phone calls together platonically, send gifts to another platonically. H on the other hand deals with strict parents so the estimate I get to spend time with them online is 3-5 hours a day, so I can't play games with them that much or be on call with them, I can text them or role-play with them, other than that nothing else. So time skip to two and half years of knowing G and H. G and I would talk about serious topics and they always assumed that the trio friendship will have a fall out one day, I always reassured them that it won't due to the strong online bond all three of us have for each other platonically. I would get upset with them saying hurtful words and deny my platonic reassurance, but they would take it the wrong way and think I am mad at them or it'll lead to a bigger fall out of the friendship, but I reassured them and was patient with them. So, time skip to a few months closer to the third year of our friendship anniversary, H was able to be more online due to school being over and summer break being around the corner, so I was able to spend more time on text and role-play with H more often but during night time only so like 6 hours, they still couldn't get on call or play games. I still spent more time with G, still that same 16+ hours, like always and my time with G never lessened. So..before summer break started, one night, G was assuming I was spending more time with H more than G, which was not true. So I reassured them that nicely, they kept denying it so one thing led to another and they wanted to be lectured, mind you..G hates being lectured, so I respectfully declined on lecturing them to respect them, but they kept pushing it to 'lecture them' and that G 'will be fine' so I was hesitant, I stupidly accepted to lecture them. While I was in the middle of texting my long lecture to them and how I feel about their assumptions, G changed their word again and texted 'actually I don't want to be lectured' then they changed it to they do want to be lectured out of curiosity. So I sent my long lecture to them about how I feel for them assuming I am spending more time with H than G. Then next thing I knew, I was blocked by G on every social media contacts I had with them and they never told me anything, but G sent three of their friends to me and each one was telling me different stuff, I wanted to talk to G privately but they never wanted to and would leave me in the dark, and I got hurt a lot but their action and I got confused from their action as well, I never was able to talk to them ever again and be left confused from this. I just want/need answers since I can not get a clear honest answer from my ex friends anymore. I am sorry for my English, I am not good at it. But I hope someone understand what I said above.. Continued, part 2 of this will be posted.

[fvck-whattheythink]

Can't fucking do this anymore

I'm having friendship issues. Normal, I should get over it, sure scroll on.

All my friends know about my mental state. It's not a secret. But I've come back to school to so many people having issues with me.

One of my friends said they found out that I shit talked them. Fair okay, maybe I did, don't know unless you tell me what I supposedly said. Which they didn't tell me. But then they had the AUDACITY to come up to me after class and clear their conscious (bc of my mental state) and say 'please don't get anxious about it though'. Like I hope your happy now that your conscious is cleared. Sure, easy enough, I'll just not worry. Why didn't I think of that.

I also ended up getting ignored by everyone. One friend came forward and said that it was because everyone is too scared to speak to me bc they don't want to say anything to send me over the edge (and be responsible). Okay. Sure. But fucking ignore me instead? Complete silent treatment? Yeah, that really does help my mental state. Thanks.

Also apparently my stimming is annoying (although they claim to understand it)

I thought this was a time where friends were supposed to be most supportive. Anyways I probably sound like another stupid teen complaining about friends. So yeah. People are fucked. Happy scrolling.

[u-n-lucky-being]

So, today is actually my birthday (yeyyy~ one year closer to the grave) and I mean it has not been exactly a bad one but out of my friends only two people remembered it, and one of the few people that congratulated me early was one of my friend's boyfriend, who I haven't even met in person.

And I mean I am not mad at any of them, I myself have a terrible memory and have realized it was someone's birthday until it was too late. We are not in school any more, and they all have their lives and I understand things like this slip. But I don't know- I am a very lucky-blessed person to have a group of friends like mine (seriously they are all great people, don't get the wrong idea out of this) and I am thankful for all of them, but the fact that out of my group of friends only two remembered I feel a bit sad I guess. Even my two closests friends out of all forgot. I was even wondering in the morning if perhaps I had done something wrong to accidentally upset them.

Also I am not sure what to do. If I should wait for the day to pass without mentioning anything to keep them from feeling bad from forgetting, or if I should should tell them so they don't feel bad afterwards for allowing my birthday to pass. I am sure that even those who have realized afterwards that today was my birthday have no idea that actually most of them forgot, so I don't know if I should bring that up either.

That plus the fact that my family (though they did remember my birthday) has a lot on their plate right now, so pretty much anything for today was rushed last minute (they couldn't get a gift, though that is kind of my fault, and the cake and stuff we bought today from what we could) it did made me feel a little like I was just not that important. Again, it is not really their fault, there's just a lot of stuff happening and I get it. But still, I can't really help but feeling a bit down.

I think I'm making a big deal out of nothing really, I mean at least I got people who care. And I'm not even sure why it has affected me like this, when I myself have said that I don't really care about this 'birthday' stuff too much. But I don't know. I don't really have any point to make, I just wanted to get it off my chest I guess.

[highladyofterrasen7]

Im getting deja vu and not in a good way

[positivelypositive]

🌿

send this to someone...

...who needs to know their value in your life.

the one who helps you keep going. the one you're grateful for. the one who's your unpaid therapist. their presence in your life has only made it brighter.

you're amazed by them, everyday and hope you can bring some light to them too ✨

[littletissueghosts]

Me after not replying to my roleplay partner for a week: eh I wanna reply but I'm tired... I'll write something up tomorrow ig.

Me after a roleplay partner doesn't reply in 5 seconds: do they hate me now they probably hate me now what have I done wrong oh shit oh no

[autisticlee]

everyone likes to tell me that real friends exist, the right people for me exist, i'll find them, I just have to look, keep trying. etc.

but no one tells me how, where to look, or how to know who "the right people" even are!

not to mention the fact that I'm getting too old to "make friends" because it's mainly expected of kids/teens to do that. older adults are supposed to have their people already. most adults my age already have their established friend groups that i'm not allowed to join. or they're all pairing off and prefer their partners over friends. or I just simply can't relate or bond with them because we have nothing in common.

[piendoll]

I dont make any sense. I want friends and attention so bad and yet I ignore people. I want to be close with someone yet I stop talking and stop caring. I hate it how do I stop. I want to like people I DO want friends but maybe I cant handle them? Or Im just a bad person? I was to feel comfortable. I want to enjoy talking to others.

[adotham-1776]

ok, so this might sound dumb, but it midnight, and once again im lonely.

How the hell do people have "best friends"? like actual ride-or-die friends. Because I have friends, but like, casual friends. I dont even know how to make good friends. But even my casual friends arent like good friends.

And, a lot of this is on me. I have trouble reaching out, so when I switched schools, i stopped interacting with my friends as much, because thats just normal for me. They are still my good friends, thats just kinda how I opperate? I get busy with school, or volleyball, and forget I have actual human friends for a while.

Like, I'm moving back to my old school, so I have been trying to reach out to my friends from that school. And, ngl, this is mostly my fault, because I have not talked to them much, but they wont respond. And its not like they are doing anything malicious, its just that they hve other things to do. when we stopped talking, they found someone else, and now im left kinda waiting? Like, they dont even respond? They just leave me on read. And like, I get that people have lives, but i am reaching out, and they arent responding. So I text them again, maybe they respond, maybe not.

And heres the thing. I may be busy, but I will ALWAYS respond, and I am always there. So like, when I have to send double or triple texts? It kind of hurts.

Like even the people that i was REALLY good friends with, they just have better things to do, and It kind of sucks.

And I need some friends right now. It would just be nice to have people to talk to, but most of the people I know are basicaly casual acquaintances. Which kind of sucks. I just feel like I have no meaningful relationships.

anyways, if you need a friend, hit me up. I can be dry, but I will respond, and I can sometimes be fun.

[iris-polaris]

WEEKLY TAROT: may 1st, 2023

[milliemakesmagic]

It’s so weird when you have a loving boyfriend, but no best girl friend.

Because usually people complain about it being the other way around. And you feel slightly guilty for complaining/just feeling sad about it.

I don’t have a girl to do stupid fun things with. I don’t have a girl to call at 3AM. I don’t have a girl to trade dumb ideas with.

No thrifting trips, no photoshoots, no shopping sprees or slumber parties.

I know you can do those things with a s/o. But you need more than your s/o. Which is something I didn’t think before I was in this predicament.

I’m finding myself having hopeless friend crushes. Or obsessing over how to text someone so that they want to be better friends. It’s like I’m in high school trying to get the boy who looked at me once to marry me.

But I just want a friend.

I want someone to tell me drama and laugh with me. Go on adventures and never judge.

To be girls with, you know?