#and i love jon so much and my heart when that name came up omg

[ashes-in-a-jar]

Mixed feelings about the Jon mention in this one tbh

[aerltarg]

hi do you have theory about this mystery relationships between ned stark and daynes like why ned dayne was named like him and etc btw i love ur response on that post so i am curious about your thoughts :))

hi! <3 omg thanks and i'm so, so sorry for such a late reply!!

tbqh, i'm not good w theories, lol. the only thing i think is certain is that ned and daynes worked together to cover r+l=j bc they literally have the same legend.

“You were never the boy you were,” Robert grumbled. “More's the pity. And yet there was that one time… what was her name, that common girl of yours? Becca? No, she was one of mine, gods love her, black hair and these sweet big eyes, you could drown in them. Yours was … Aleena? No. You told me once. Was it Merryl? You know the one I mean, your bastard's mother?”

“Her name was Wylla,” Ned replied with cool courtesy, “and I would sooner not speak of her.” (Eddard II, AGOT)

“My lady?” Ned said at last. “You have a baseborn brother… Jon Snow?”

[...] “How do you know about Jon?”

“He is my milk brother.”

“Brother?” Arya did not understand. “But you’re from Dorne. How could you and Jon be blood?”

“Milk brothers. Not blood. My lady mother had no milk when I was little, so Wylla had to nurse me.”

Arya was lost. “Who’s Wylla?”

“Jon Snow’s mother. He never told you? She’s served us for years and years. Since before I was born.” (Arya VIII, ASOS)

wylla is the name ned told robert twice (once in agot when was asked and once in the past many years ago as robert recalled) lying abt jon's parentage and the one edric dayne said is jon's mother and a servant from starfall who was working for them for many years. it's interesting to note that at starfall two tales - ned stark having a love story w ashara dayne and presumably the one who broke her heart so she threw herself from the tower AND wylla being a mother to ned's bastard - seem to coexist.

moreover, we know that it's allyria dayne, edric's aunt and sister of his father, arthur (presumably killed by ned stark) and ashara (presumably dishonoured by ned stark and later commited suicide bc of him), who told edric abt ned's and ashara's possible love story. yet, when we hear edric talk abt all of this, there's no malice or anger or anything negative to his tone or words. on the contrary, he said he wanted to talk to ned stark and almost eagerly proclaimed to arya he's a milk brother to her half-brother known as ned stark's bastard, lol.

[...] “My father was called Ned too,” she said.

“I know. I saw him at the Hand’s tourney. I wanted to go up and speak with him, but I couldn’t think what to say.”

[...]

He looked at her uncomfortably. “My aunt Allyria says Lady Ashara and your father fell in love at Harrenhal—” (Arya VIII, ASOS)

like. the dude (or his big bro) hooks up w a lady, doesn't see her again, then war starts, and he marries another, and kills her brother, she kills herself and then the elder brother of the slain bro and sis who committed suicide names his son and heir ned. after the said dude.

[another interesting detail that was pointed out by @lorelei-4 here is that edric is most likely a northern name. aside from edric storm and edric dayne there were only three known edrics in asoiaf universe and all of them are historical starks: 1) edric stark, son of cregan, 2) edric stark, son of alaric, and 3) edric “snowbeard” stark, the ancient king in the north]

like wtdhxbdjsj lmao 😭

so yes, there IS so much more to this story and relationships between starks and daynes.

[and yes, starks aka plural form, not just ned even tho he played a big role here. but they all came together bc of rhaegar (arthur's bestie) and lyanna (ned's sis), and ned was claiming jon as his own to save him bc of lyanna. also i think the theory of ashara (and wylla) being there w lyanna at toj (by @998th-lord-commander) is very interesting and pretty much likely]

honestly, i struggle to answer what exactly happened. and, imo, whatever other versions might be around most of them would step on the territory of headcanons and even fanfiction since there's not much canon details to base any specific assumptions on.

ned must've done smth for daynes for them to name their heir basically after him, surely? even tho it was daynes who helped him to cover the deal? and honourably returning the sword dawn to them is not enough (not as the only reason for sure since ned needed help to be able to move lyanna's bones and baby jon from one end of westeros to the complete opposite end of the continent through the whole realm, having only howland and whoever else was w lyanna at the tower of joy for company, all the while daynes were 1) aware of the whole deal and 2) the closest location to seek help from). but what was that? did ashara have a baby w him or w brandon? is the baby truly dead or is it actually allyria? and some might say deaths of ashara and even arthur are too fishy, what abt this?

personally, i don't like any secret parentage theories (we already have r+l=j, adding another one would be too much and make too little sense) or “character X is actually alive” theories bc they don't seem realistic enough to me.

but, hey, maybe i'm wrong and ashara is actually hanging out somewhere! she has the most chances to be still alive among all dead rebellion era characters, imo, since she has the most notable mystery around her death story, likely intentional by grrm. but we can never guess right now. hopefully, if we ever get the next books, howland or someone else will spill the tea!

[aerialflight]

Fic Recs (cause it's always nice to give a shout out and get people into things I'm into rn)

[The Magnus Archives] (I recently finished the podcast and I fell into a hole for a while so here you go)

Sing a Song of Sixpence by Kaiel

Ship: Jon/Martin

In which Jonathan Sims is a Siren, and he fails to notice any new abilities granted to him by the position of Archivist. Or really anything about the Entities at all.

Takes place in season 1 featuring Jonah Magnus’s slow decent into madness

(The new mythology interwoven with tma's worldbuilding is so freaking good and I love how all the characters change and develop because of these changes. Also, f you Elias)

Along Came a Spider by Dribbledscribbles

Ship: implied Jon/Martin

Sasha James is the Archivist, as expected. Martin Blackwood is menaced by Jane Prentiss, as expected. Elias Bouchard weaves his web, as expected.

All goes as it should.

At least until something calling itself Jonathan Sims steps in.

(Web!Jon in this makes me want to weep, it's so freaking good. A pretty long, very excellent oneshot on what could've happened if Jon got taken by the web when he was a kid. And Sasha as the Archivist is ALWAYS so cool, we love her in this house.)

A Break in the Clouds by Ash_Rabbit

“I’m eight.” the kid sniffs as if eight was any different from four, maybe not an unspeakable horror then, just a regular horror. “And I heard that the Magnus Institute deals with-” his little nose scrunches, cute. “-spooky things.”

“Do you have a-” he cracks a grin, and then rethinks it as small hands tighten against their burden.”-spooky thing to deliver?” gods he hopes not, it’s bad enough when adults walk in and lay out all of their baggage, but for a child-

“There’s a spider in this book.” the kid says solemnly, raising his textbook sized parcel. “It ate Evan Pritchard.” a bloody fucking Leitner. Of course an eight year old would find a murder spider book. “This seemed like the best place to bring it.”

(I never thought about what the Original Elias could've been like AND NOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF THIS FIC. I LOVE HIM, HE'S COMPLEX AND HE CARES AND JON CARES AND THEY BOTH CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. THIS IS THE CONTENT I WANT, OMG. Also, Jon being even smaller than usual is adorable, so cute. No wonder Elias wants to hug him, a LOT.)

See the Line where the Sky meets the Sea by The_Floating_World

Ship: Jon/Martin, Jon/Oliver Banks

When Jon is a child he looks into the infinite abyss of space. The Vast looks back into him.

(One of my all time fave fics in this fandom, no questions asked. I have reread this three times and am open to doing it again, god. Vast!Jon, such a concept. It's written so beautifully and the relationships Jon develops, so good. ugh. My heart. Please please read.)

Sweet As Roses by Prim_the_Amazing

Ship: Jon/Martin

“Come in, Martin,” he says, not looking up from his notes.

“Hi, Jon,” he says, and Jon stops writing at the sound of his voice. “We’re out of the green tea, but we’ve got lemon?”

Jon looks at him. Martin smiles at him in his usual tentative way as he sets the mug of tea down on Jon’s desk. Heat spikes so sharply in his gut that he twitches with it.

“Thank you, Martin,” he says, mouth dry, and he stands up.

“Oh,” he says, sounding almost surprised. He smiles again. “No-- no problem-- um, what are you--”

Jon takes Martin by the shoulders, leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses him.

(You have no idea how much I howled through this fic, my god. *buries face in hands* The number of times I wanted to cry from sheer hilarity and horror reading this good lord.)

Things Could Always Be Worse by theOestofOCs

Ship: Jon/Martin, Georgie/Melanie

Sometimes, the most horrifying thing of all is what might have been.

Somewhere, Jon could swear he heard a crowd laughing.

Or: in which Jonathan Sims is forced to swap places with his alternate self—a tall, chivalrous hero extraordinaire, who knows neither fear nor nuance—and is sent to the aggressively straight alternate universe the Magnus Archives was never meant to be.

“Whatever place this is,” Jon announced, “I just want to be sure it knows I hate it.”

(I will say this once, THIS IS THE MOST CURSED THING IVE EVER READ EVER. Like holy hell. I can't believe this thing exists. please read it oh please please please)

-

[Supernatural]

heard from your mother (she don't recognize you) by Schmuzz

Ship: Dean/Cas, Jessica/Sam

A man named Cas wakes up in 2003 with no memories, but he's able to piece together a few things:

1. Supernatural creatures exist, and most of them will hurt innocent civilians if he doesn't stop them; 2. He has abilities that no human hunter should have, but he knows enough about human hunters to keep that to himself, and finally; 3. He keeps running into another hunter named Dean Winchester, who seems to be about as lonely as he is if he's willing to put up with those former facts long enough to help Cas unravel the mystery of who (or what) he really is.

For his part, Dean's still (not) dealing with Sam's departure to Stanford, and figures distracting himself with a bit of mystery and intrigue is as harmless as it gets, right? Right.

(THE fic I'm most into right now, been following this from the very start and it's AMAZING. Cas has agency and is making friends and S1 Dean is growing out of John's influence and is becoming a Person and the both of them first being friends then more. The slow burn as their relationship develops, SO GOOD. SO SO DAMN GOOD. *screams* Seriously one of the best spn fics I've read in a long, long time.)

anamnesis by cenotaphy

Ships: Castiel/Dean, Sam/Eileen

Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be.

* Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19.

(THIS IS THE FIC THAT GOT ME THROUGH THE FINALE OKAY. WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE BEEN CANON. It's Disturbing and honestly plot-wise this makes more sense. Why couldn't we have had this. *screams*)

-

[Avatar: The Last Airbender]

where the stars do not take sides by WitchofEndor

Ship: Sokka/Zuko

When Azula is nine, she becomes an only child. She hears the Fire Lord call for Zuko's life, and in the morning, her mother and brother are gone. Azula may be young, but she isn't naive. She knows what happened to them.

Which makes it all the more surprising when Azula tracks the Avatar down and fights his group of peasant friends, only to find herself staring into an eerily familiar face.

(The fact one of the tags in this fic is, "Sibling Dynamic: Fucked Up But Wholesome" should give you an idea what this fic is like. Chaotic as HELL and I just love Azula here, she loves Zuko so much in her messed up way and Zuko loves her back in the exact same way lol. It's batshit and I am Here For This.)

-

[Naruto]

Eclipse by AislingRoisin (JayBird345) for HybrisAnaideia

Ship: Nara Shikaku/OFC

"In life, it's easier to remain stagnant and wallow in your troubles. But life isn't merely about continued existence, nor is it meant to be gone through alone."

(This is a fic that's slept on and I NEED people to read this. A self-insert fic that I find really interesting in its approach and the worldbuilding for the post-third war shinobi world is fantastic. I feel like there's a certain pattern with self-insert fics, not that is a detriment in any way to how much I enjoy them, so this fic feels fresh to me in a way I haven't read in a while. I am waiting eagerly for this to get updated! Please read!)

On Freedom and Other Formalities by iaso

Ship: Kakashi/Genma/OFC

When push comes to shove, Hiwa Inuzuka doesn't go down easy. Reborn into a new, dangerous world? She puts her past life as a spy to work. Thrown into a war? Hiwa does her duty, for Konoha. And when she's forced into an arranged marriage? All there is to do is beat them to the punch and get married first. Thankfully, Genma Shiranui is willing to lend a hand. Literally. SI/OC

(Listen, LISTEN, it's about the slow burn, the longing, the communication (it both has and hasn't and isn't THAT great??), the messy way you fit three very different people together, it's so freaking good! Also, Kakashi is so Chaotic here this is my fave characterization of him, you can't change my mind. And Genma is a Good Boi who is Doing His Best, along with the Self-insert character who I LOVE SO MUCH, SHE'S FANTASTIC FNEIWOPAF. Sped past this fic in the speed of light, I could not stop reading!)(Honestly, read all of the author's fics, they're all really REALLY good!)

Building a Castle by WhisperingDarkness

Without needing anyone to tell her, Sakura knew that talking to someone no-one else could see or hear would make her weird. It would draw the bad kind of attention to her, something people could make fun of her for.

She didn’t like being weird, but she did like the voice. Her inner voice was helpful and it was a part of her that had always been there. The idea of it not being there would have been so much weirder than anything else.

It was during her first year at the Academy that Sakura realised the voice was not in her head at all, but that it came from a cloudy shape floating next to her.

(Basically a short-ish retelling of Hikaru no Go. Only with more Shogi and Nara and Ninja's)

(Sakura can see ghosts (I'm noticing this is a popular trope for her) and it's really cute haha! Her relationship with Tobirama is sweet and I just enjoyed reading this so much.)

-

[The Magicians]

So Long (And Thanks For All The Books) by IncompleteSentanc (Erava)

Ships: Quentin/Eliot, James/Julia, Quentin/Margo/Eliot

When Quentin is told Julia wasn't admitted to Brakebills, he realizes he has a drastic decision in front of him. If he tells Julia about magic, he'll have his mind wiped as well as hers. But he can't just leave her behind, either. He can't lose his best friend, and he can't let her life a life with her magical potential stolen away from her.

So he makes a third choice.

(Really, and I mean REALLY well-done canon divergent fic, this is the Quentin & Julia friendship fic I have been looking for forever. It explores so much of what could've happened and I just love Quentin here, I really really do. Characterization done so right. I also recommend the author's other works too. Been a follower of them for a long time, they're great.)

-

[Game of Thrones]

The Road to Victory by writing_as_tracey

Too late in preparing for the Night King and the Long Night, the last stand at Winterfell is close to falling. Bran takes desperate measures to ensure victory, and Jon, Sansa, and Arya pay the price for it in a time unfamiliar to them, on the cusp of another war. [GoT, time-travel fix it]

(I swear, this fic made me laugh so many times, all the Stark are BAMF and fantastic, and Rhaegar gets Wrecked lol. It's crack btw, and the plot goes in directions you'll never guess and it's amazing hahaha!)

-

[Haikyuu!!] (I am very very late to the fandom but here I am)

Ballare (To Dance) by MidnightSparks

Ship: Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, and platonic Kageyama & Kentarou (really love their friendship)

Kageyama’s first love is volleyball. His second, however, is ballet.

In one world, Kageyama Tobio is left behind by his parents. In this world, the existence of soulbonds keeps Kageyama’s parents in Miyagi and leaves Kageyama in the care of his grandma and grandpa.

(In which soulmates exist and that changes everything and nothing at the same time.)

(*buries face in hands* I have fallen for this ship so hard and I can't get out fudge me. I understand now. Their DYNAMICS FIEWONPAF)

Kings of Tomorrow by bokubroya (liarielle)

Ship: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru

On the eve of Tobio’s 16th birthday, he counts down the seconds to midnight, and emerges with Oikawa Tooru’s name on his wrist.

It’s been two years since then, and Tobio thought they had an understanding. A silent, never spoken about understanding that this thing between them is nothing, and they’re going to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Of course, it’s just like Oikawa to change the game and leave Tobio wondering what comes next.

(I am WEAK for soulmate fics between these two, I don't even really like soulmate fics half the times what is WRONG WITH ME-)(Please suffer with me, I'm begging you. Its a good fic, thumbs up.)

-

[Crossover]

Honey and Magic by JustARatherVerySillyWriter, White_Squirrel for Super Carlin Brothers

Fandoms: Matilda (yeah you read that right), Harry Potter

Everyone knew Matilda was a rather extraordinary child, but even she didn't know she was a witch. Matilda Honey receives her Hogwarts letter in the year of the Triwizard Tournament, and soon, she will leave her unique mark on the magical world.

(Do I even need to explain how amazing it is to have Matilda in the wizarding world? And Matilda is a HUFFLEPUFF AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL THIS FIC IS GREAT PLEASE READ!!!)

An Eye for an Eye by DpsMercy

Fandoms: The Magnus Archives, Welcome to Night Vale

In which Jonathan Sims is not from the UK but instead, if you took his origins and turned them sideways twice then flipped them over, he technically would be from the US, the town of Night Vale specifically. Elias can’t do shit about it and gets a headache and slowly creeping madness instead.

(Look, I know probably everyone has read this because if they haven't, what have you been DOING with your lives??? Jon interning at Night Vale is Incredible, nothing phases this man, it's Delightful. I laughed so many times reading this, I'm not even kidding right now. Read or perish.)

The Favour by R_Cookie

Fandoms: Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Ship: Original Percival Graves/Harry Potter

Percival is ten years old when his grandfather tries to tell him that he's ensured the greatness of the Graves legacy for him, that he ought to be eternally grateful - but the explanation is hijacked by a stranger who manages to intimidate Chester Graves with an ease never seen before.

or: Hadrian (Harry) Potter is the Master of Death, who grants Graves a boon. Nobody could have known that the Deathly Hallows didn't turn you so much into the 'Master of Death' as into the anthropomorphic personification of Death. And so, Death becomes Percival's guardian angel, and Percival does not spit out his cereal.

(Look, I don't know how I stumbled back into the FBAWTFT fandom either, it just happened and I'm grateful for that. Otherwise, I wouldn't have found this amazing fic. Their relationship is slow and strange and I just love how Percival is characterized here. Also, one of the tag promises that it deviates from canon so I am really, really excited for that! XD)

baby that's what i do by natanije

Fandoms: Naruto, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!

"Are you telling me," Hidan exclaims, incredulous, "that you collect money all this time to give to orphans?!"

Kakuzu pauses. He blinks a few times.

"Huh. I guess I do."

(Tsuna reincarnates as Kakuzu and it's HILARIOUS. HE'S SUCH A MOM HAHAHA)

[spooky-z]

Bombshell AU

The Bombshell Dupain-Cheng plot that shouldn't exist. But I have no chill, so...

Long post!

Marinette appears totally different in Paris, after 3 months gone and everyone is shocked.

We have seen all of this in the one-shot/prequel (HERE), so we’re understood so far.

But what happens to make this drastic change in Marinette's look?

Well, let's go back to when Fu makes Mari a guardian for good and loses the memories of the miraculous, in addition to finally meeting his love.

And here the canon dies. RIP

(Going to the current plot.)

Mari is losing her shit, having lost the only adult person who supported her in heroin life and who helped (poorly) in the most complicated situations.

So here it is: Marinette Dupain-Cheng, 13, collège student, part-time heroine, aspiring designer, class representative and now guardian of very powerful magical jewels.

AH! And a nanny. We can't forget that!

The poor girl doesn't have a minute's peace in this house.

She won't even talk about ugh, Lila, because at that moment the Italian was just a fly on the pile of garbage she had to deal with.

So, she turns to the only possible person in this situation, even though she is afraid of previous behavior.

Chat Noir. Yeee

And she's like, "chat, we need to talk." And he: “omg she will confess”

In the end Ladybug tears up Chat Noir and manages to make the hero understand her side, promising to help.

Marinette spends a few months testing the cat, to see if he slips, but to her relief (because she loved that kitty, even if she didn't say it) he remains steadfast.

They reveal the identities and awkward moment omg

Adrien may have screamed a little like a fan with his idol

Mari may have passed out.

(not that any of them will confess that)

They have a heart for a heart.

Mari no longer in love with Adrien and Adrien trying to overcome Ladybug at that point.

When hawkbeetch decides to attack harder, the two agree that they needed help permanently.

Alya was cut off as soon as the idea was put on the table.

The first ones chosen are Alix, Luka and Kagami

Over time Max and Kim also came back

There was uncertainty in choosing who had been chosen before, but magic was able to supply the uncertainties, since when transformed they were no longer the unmasked heroes

The situation with Lila and because of Alya, Nino is also cut.

So, Chloe makes a 160, apologizes to Marinette looking really sorry and wanting to change

Félix also returns to study at Dupont, after Adrien complains to him about Gabriel forcing Lila into the teenager

With that, the team closes on 9 permanent heroes, but that not all of them always appeared in the fights.

They manage to deal with akumas-hawkdude for a while, but when mayura appears more and more in fights things get worse

It was Max's idea to contact JL for help and so they get batfamily's attention

Batman sends Robin and Red Robin to help closely, while the rest were helping from Gotham

There were some disagreements between Ladybug and Robin, since the vigilante was very... annoying. Not to say worse, she had no patience to put up with the boy's arrogant ass.

As for Red Robin, everyone loved him.

(Max may have had some personal discoveries after meeting the guy)

Time passed, Robin became Reynard

And even with the help of the batboys, finding out who the mothman was became increasingly frustrating.

Everyone came to the conclusion that the magic was much greater in camouflage than they thought before

In that they reach half of the Lycée without any advantage over the villain

Alix and Chloe dating since 14

Marinette and Luka started dating when the girl turned 15, Damian joining the relationship a few months later after pining (of the three)

Félix and Kagami only started to see themselves as something more than friends after they turned 16

Kim and Max being the youngest to start dating, at 13

Adrien only met Jon after identities were shared between the team, he was 16 years old

The identities being shared were entirely accidental. All of them having used their powers and without time to hide from each other, the transformations fell

Finding out who the batfamily was, was easy after that.

Things continued at an impasse until Marinette found Diana Prince on one of the galas in Gotham.

And worlds were opened for the little guardian.

"Oh." The woman murmured; her eyes fixed on Marinette.

Bruce had introduced them both after Diana showed curiosity about the two people with Damian.

"Guardian."

Marinette released the woman's hand as if she had been shocked. Panic running through her veins. Damian and Luka stood up alert.

"What- No. My name is Marinette." She replied nervously.

Diana noticed the girl's behavior, as well as that of the other two boys, and relaxed her posture in a more friendly one.

“My apologies, Marinette. I didn't mean to scare you like that.” The woman took the girl's hand again in hers. A kind smile on her face. "I could feel the power in you since my mother was the former bearer of the goddess Tikki."

The three teenagers gasped in surprise.

"Rreally?" Marinette sighed; her eyes wide.

Diana laughed softly, finding the girl cute. "Yes." But the smile gave way to a confused expression. "But you shouldn't be surprised, since you're the guardian."

"Ah..." Marinette was suddenly shy. The eyes across the room, except for the woman. “I didn't get to finish my training. Master F- the former guardian was obliged to pass on his duty before training me.”

Diana's face contorted in regret before her eyes lit up with an idea. A wonderful one.

"Marinette, I believe I have the perfect solution for this."

And the girl felt her heart race with hope.

With that, Diana offered training to her and the other miraculous heroines in Themyscira and Mari accepted after talking to her friends.

Arthur Curry, at Diana's request, also appeared offering training for the boys and a plan was formed.

They just needed a little more luck... or money.

Bruce, managed to put Dupont as a priority on the Parisian government's reform list

And with more help, Zatanna agreed to stay in Paris to stop Hawkmoth from attacking.

I'm not going to explain this part much here because I'm writing a fanfiction about it. So let's go to some headcanons about this plot.

In this AU I will be working with the hypothesis that the miraculous have limitations, because the heroes have not yet matured. Whether in age or mentality. They are still "children".

That wielding jewelry has side effects like: slow aging. Too slow. Which ends up affecting teenagers, since most were children/pre-teens when they became heroes.

Kwamis are, in fact, the first gods in the world. They are the origin of the universe.

Each miraculous has a true owner in each generation.

Jewelry, kwami and suits can change forms according to the holder. For example: if Plagg wants to, he can take the form of a normal black cat.

In the case of jewelry, I had this idea because of the monkey's miraculous. It is impossible to use without drawing attention, so here the jewels can change shape at any time. If the holder wants to.

As soon as a true holder wields the jewel, when they are in their majority, the miraculous mark is "tattooed" on the person's skin. (Between the shoulder blades, being more specific). I did a shitty editing on my cell phone. HERE.

If a person who is not a rightful holder should use the miraculous, magic corrupts the person as a form of protection.

Alya, Nathalie, Gabriel and Emilie are examples of this.

There is only one exception to this rule: if the Guardian allows use.

Speaking of Guardian, here, they (Mari) have powers over the box and jewelry.

Tag? let me know in this post.

@saays-bitch​ @xxmdsxx​ @nicknnie​ @iamablinkmarvelarmy​

[that-one-girl-behind-you]

tagged by @dheiress to post the first line of my last 20 fics 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 other authors!

Decided to keep it to TMA stories so I don’t have 20 published stories, but there we go:

1 - Illicio:  The Eye thrives on knowledge, of course. On understanding. Not necessarily on moving the pieces across the board -that's the Spider's domain, though perhaps that's why they work so well together, one knowing exactly where pawn needs to be to strike the king, the other moving it forward with the slightest pull of a string- but on seeing all details, and predicting all outcomes.

2 - Not broken (Nor bent):  It is not, of course, that Gerry doesn't believe in love. Not when his entire life has been marked, positively filled to the brim with it.

3 - I'll tell you all how the story ends (it ain't about all the friends you've made):  There's a case missing at the London Police's headquarters.

4 - Would that I were golden dust:  His father's daemon is named Agape, and she's a black Belgian shepherd whose tail never stops wagging. She loves napping with his mother's daemon, and often bounces around him like a puppy, trying to get him to play with her.

5 - Dream a little dream of me:  It's still early when Agnes climbs up the steps of the Charing Cross station and out into the street. Overkill perhaps, but she wanted to get a head start and catch it from the beginning.

6 - A listening ear: It's weird being back home. What's weirder though, is being back home without Jon.

7 - What do you want to be when you’re older?:  "So you're quitting?"

8 - Please don't utilize the product in any other way not specified by the packing:  “Ger, love… I don’t think that’s a recommended use for that.” Martin tries one last time, because he loves this man, and that means he should try to save him from himself.

9 - Hold me, kiss me (love me):  It’s a pretty nice date, all things considered. Dinner at a small italian restaurant, a scoop of gelato each, and back to Jon and Gerry’s flat for a movie or a documentary, which is the stage they are currently at.

10 - My heart like an empty cathedral, waiting for someone to come down to pray:  The haunting is anatomical. It runs in his veins like his mother's blood, like his father's pain, like the bone-deep weariness of all his ancestors -she was always so proud of her so claimed bloodline- that now drags down his every step. 

11 - Get to know your lips on mine:  He hasn't had Jon in his bedroom in a while.

12 - Kiss it better:  It's three forty five in the morning when Gerry gets to the flat, so he figures he has a good chance of sneaking in unnoticed.  He turns the key carefully until the door clicks open, then pushes it open, cursing under his breath at the squeaking of the hinges.

13 - Happiness is what you build out of debris:  The first time Gertrude walks up to the orphanage, she very nearly spins on her heel and goes back the way she came. She never wanted children and this is nothing but a lonely woman looking for a new purpose to dedicate her life to.

14 - We fit together (in a too-small bed):  The door to the bedroom is ajar when Jon finally gets to the flat, but he doesn't pay it much mind. Either one of them forgot to close it this morning when they left for work, or Gerry -who hates sleeping in closed rooms- is taking a nap.

15 - Two sugars, please:  "I'm leaving early today," Martin calls into the office as he sorts his unfinished paperwork into his desk's drawers; nothing too bad or too serious, he'll deal with it tomorrow before lunch.

16 - Horny lonelyeyes drabbles:  He's still James Wright when he first meets Peter Lukas, but only barely so, and only because Elias Bouchard is not yet ripe for the picking.

I think my personal favorite is #10. That fic remains one of my favorites up to date and it kinda surprises me that it didn’t do so well lol, but it holds a special place in my heart. The only pattern I see is that my first lines tend to be establishing sentences? Who are these people, what are they doing?

What got my attention the most though is that someone NEEDS to get my titles under control omg.

Tagging @mllekurtz and @mamaclownhunter

[fenweak]

High School AUs

College/University AUs

⭐ A+ fics (imho) | All of the recs

High School AUs

High Scores by popfly ⭐

Kaner is a DDR master, Jonny is ultra-competitive. Bollig just wants to make out with Shawzy.

Dynamical Systems by jezziejay ⭐ - math geek patrick! jock jonny!

Jonny’s plenty smart, but there’s hockey practice just before a double math period every Tuesday and Wednesday morning. He gets to class on time. Physically, he’s there. But his mind is still on the ice. Throw in a kidney infection that keeps him home for two weeks, and Jonny’s struggling. Not failing, but that C is dragging his GPA down, and his mom is making clucking noises. The same noises that mean hockey time is coming up for review.

There’s a note on the student boards advertising tutoring.

promise i'm worthy (to hold in your arms) [One and Only series] - teenage angst and american douchebags ft. ryan kesler

"So come on and give me a chance to prove I am the one who can walk that mile."

love is a contact sport by hazel, mermaid  ⭐ - high school soulmates!

"And the tragic reality of Patrick's life is that even though they broke up over a year ago, he and Johnny still play beautiful hockey together."

A high school AU, featuring dream-fish, bad movie dates, and a little bit of magic.

Movie Nights or Five Times Jonny Wanted Popcorn (and One Time He Didn’t) by CoffeeKristin

Patrick had only been working at the movie theater a few weeks when a noisy bunch of boys from his high school burst through the doors just before the last showing of Captain America: Civil War and come tumbling into the lobby, whooping it up. He sighed and put down the containers of popcorn he was counting, mentally preparing himself for the asshattery he was likely to endure.

“What can I get you?” he asked the crowd, and true to form, no one was listening so he waited another moment. Finally one of the boys got pushed to the front, stumbling into the counter. “Fuck, Duncs, not so hard,” he said, and oh. That was Jonathan Toews: Captain of the high school soccer team, president of the student council, son of the mayor. Basically, everything Patrick wasn’t.

do it how you want it done ⭐

(very vaguely) grease-inspired high school au.

yeah, i went there.

kissing your honeyed eyes by forochel

The one that's the British boarding school AU.

This Is What A Love Song Sounds Like by fourfreedoms  ⭐ - reunion fic but god the flashbacks! the angst!

When he came out after his freshman year of college his mother said she’d always known, and he’d had to fight down the bizarre wave of paranoia that maybe everybody knew, maybe they’d all just been letting him sweat all those years. It was crazy of course, there was only one person who’d known, who had any idea.Patrick Kane.

Ten years after they fucked around in high school, Patrick and Jonny meet back up at their high school reunion.

roll with it by hazel  ⭐

The one where a bunch of Blackhawks inexplicably go to boarding school, Tazer is the world's meanest DM, and Pat doesn't know why anyone would think cutting the head off a hydra was good idea.

Light Me Up by sahiya - where they both went to Shattuck!

Being serious about hockey always meant Patrick would have to leave home. For a long time he thought it would be for juniors and a billet family. But things don't go as planned, and he finds himself at Shattuck-St. Mary's.

His roommate's name is Jonathan Toews. He can't keep his water bottles on his side of the room, and he's unfortunately, stupidly hot. Because Patrick's life sucks.

boot theory by mentalistecbm - teen angst, break up

Everyone knows that they're broken up.

glory days by liketheroad ⭐ - soulmate, teen angst

He never expected his destiny to involve anything but hockey, never thought it would show up in flip flops, but when Patrick smiles at him across the locker room, quick and surprised, Johnny lets his priorities shift and change without a hint of reluctance or regret.

There's Only Blood Running In My Veins by mikarala - pwp

Patrick and Jonny are making out in Patrick’s bedroom when Jonny says it. “I--I,” he stutters out, in between a moan, “I want you to fuck me.”

Gold Seeking Ends by liveinfury - Flipped AU

“Wanna go on the tire swing with me after?” Jonny asks.

“No,” Patrick answers.

“Oh,” Jonny says, looking deflated. “What about the jungle gym?”

“Nope."

“Um, okay,” Jonny says, shrugging before walking away.Sam giggles some more. “I can’t believe Jonny, the dirt eater, likes you.”Patrick smirks at him. “Everyone likes me.”

(or Patrick and Jonny meet in the second grade. Jonny's instantly smitten, Patrick is...not. Ten years later, things start flipping.)

Keep Calm and Don't Think of Star Wars podfic by exmanhater ⭐ - A Clueless AU

After I once again assure Abby that Johnny and I are not, NOT related (by googling the difference between half-brother and stepbrother because jesus fucking christ am I am the only knowledgeable one around here?), she agrees to help.

but i can write a song 

“We’re not going to be called Jonny and the Patricks,” Jonny says, sounding entirely too put upon  about a name that’s clearly awesome.

[or; the high school band au you probably didn't ask for]

lost in brightness - pat, jon and a crowded train

“You’re gonna get caught one day,” Jonny sighs, herding Pat in front of him as they squeeze onto  the train, the crowd thicker than usual. It’s been raining on and off, fall well and truly taking the city in  its grasp. Jonny’s already looking forward to meeting Pat by his house every morning, red-cheeked  and rugged up, his face barely visible between his toque and scarf.

you're mending what's broken - a stats nerd Patrick story

The guy who sits behind Jonny in AP Stats wants to know how  many shots on goal he had last Tuesday. Or at least, that's how it starts.

A high school AU featuring stats nerd Kaner and his Tragic Hockey  Backstory (TM), without much time or inclination toward actual tragedy. Instead there is  discussion of Corsi. And kissing.

Examine Other Beauties by kiwoa - theater kids!

"I," Jonny says, and he slips his headset up from around his neck to nestle over his ears, "am not an actor."

"Good thing I don't need you to act."

"No."

"Jonny."

"Patrick."

"Please?" Kaner cants forward and tilts his face up to blink at Jonny. In the fluttering light that filters in from the stage, his eyes look unnaturally pale. "Just read the lines, okay? I want to see how well I've memorized them."

Jonny scrubs a hand over his face. The motion knocks his mike askew. "One scene."

A/S/L  ⭐ - 90s teenaged kids meeting on webcam omg

The internet is a dangerous place, or:

Patrick and Jonny meet, lie through their teeth, and fall in love. Mostly that last part.

Actual Prom King Brandon Saad by popfly  ⭐

Patrick might be a little jealous of the new kid.

Sure Brandon is basically the prom king from every feel-good teenage movie Patrick’s sisters have made him watch, but that doesn’t mean Jonny wants that.

Sign it with your heart by tictactoews + podfic by exmanhater  ⭐

Patrick loses a bet and is dared to plant an anonymous love letter into a random locker. It just so happens that the locker belongs to one Jonathan Toews, captain of the school hockey team.Meanwhile, Jonny finds himself in need of a math tutor, and following the advice of his teacher, he asks the new kid, Patrick Kane, for help.

a complicated kindness by liketheroad - young and figuring out d/s  ⭐

Patrick still remembers how scared Sharpy looked, just for a second there. He remembers not understanding why anyone would back away from Johnny when he was like that, why they wouldn’t want to strain closer, pushing to see how much further he’d go.

What Comes Easy by impertinence - summer camp of angst

Kaner's determined to never grow up; Tazer's determined to grow up as quickly as possible. Over eleven years of summer camp, they learn to meet in the middle. Set in stlkrchk's Camp Quaquanantuck universe.

mathletes are totally athletes by ukiyo91, yukonecho

Mathlete Patrick Kane never thought that when he was assigned to tutor hockey jock Jonathan Toews that he would be swept up into a new sport...or into Captain Serious.

Toews was like the guild leader Patrick had always aspired to be in WoW, but more of an asshole.

i'll be the embrace that keeps you warm by longtime_lurker - huddling for warmth

It is like death, but it is not death; lovelier. / Cold, inconvenienced, late, what will you do now / with the gift of your left life?

Clumsy by CoffeeKristin - a short first kiss fic uwu

“Knock it off,” she hissed at him. “He’s looking at you!”

“Who?” Patrick said, his head swiveling around, resulting in Erica smacking him again. “Hey! Quit hitting me!”

“Then quit being an idiot,” she huffed. “Jonny Toews, you dunce. He’s looking over here, and you’re biting on the string of your hoodie like a moron.”

look around once in a while by achilleees

One man’s struggle to take it easy.

Based off of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” but instead of girlfriends and daddy issues, there’s hockey and pining. And daddy issues.

Summer Lovin' by CoffeeKristin - est. relationship insecurities

Patrick's home from summer camp, and Jonny's first on his list of to-do's. Somehow a little actual angst/plot worked it's way in. But mostly it's just porn.

Ninety-Nine Point Three Percent by jimtiberiuskirk - best friends mutually pining

The problem is, is that Patrick is 99.3% sure that Jonny knows all about his giant, embarrassing man-crush on him.

bring it if you really want it by staraflur - harry potter AU

It starts like this:

Well, okay, Patrick has no idea how it actually starts. But as pertains to him (in other words, the important part), it goes a little something like so:

America, being a nation composed in large part of a melting pot of immigrants who may or may not have taken over land already owned by others using less-than-savory means, doesn’t have much of a magical national identity. Much less a magical continental identity. There’s no grand heritage going back thousands of years. Magical families home-schooled all their kids until, like, the 1800’s, and tough for the muggle-born, apparently. Hopefully you got noticed by someone who knew what to do with you before you got burned at the stake. Since you probably can’t control your powers, sport.

(if you're feeling down) i can feel you up by hawkeytime

"Hey," Patrick said appreciatively from behind where Jonny stood, stoic as always, by the side of the pool. "Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Because you have a sweet ass.”Or: How Patrick Kane spent his summer hitting on the hot lifeguard with the help of some inspired (read: awful) pickup lines.

kiss and tell by hawkeytime 

“Trust me,” Sharpy says, “this will be good for you.”And then, he shoves Jonny into what appears to be a mostly empty coat closet and slams the door shut behind him.

“What the fuck, Sharp!” Jonny calls, pounding at the door which is, of course, locked.

“Enjoy your seven minutes in heaven, Tazer,” Sharpy singsongs.Then, the bare bulb mounted on the ceiling flares to life, illuminating one Patrick Kane.

Fuck.

i know you are (but what am i) by booktubelover7 - always a girl!pat

Pat throws up her arms in celebration after Toews makes a beautiful goal off of Pat’s assist. She crows in celebration as Toews slams into her, shouting in her ear.

Pat’s playing, she’s playing, she’s playing. Not just that, but she’s winning too.When her line gets back to the bench, Pat leans over to speak into Toews’ ear. “Thank you,” she says. Her teammate just turns his head to look at her, a grin spreading across his face.

Love or Torture - a/b/o

Patrick Kane is too short, too Omega, and his heat too delayed for him to play hockey. Jonathan Toews has a plan to bring glory to both of them.

keep buying the stars by medusacascade22- teacher!Jonny 

“Fuck,” Jonny groans. He props his elbows up on his desk and lets his head fall into his hands. It’s going to be a long fucking year.

(or, in which Jonathan Toews is Patrick Kane's teacher, and shit gets real.)

College/Uni AUs

cello suite no. 1 - THIS IS ONE IS A CLASSIC 👌

The first time Jonathan meets Patrick Kane is because he hits him with a lacrosse ball.

In Jonathan's defense, he threw a perfect pass to Seabs, who failed to just reach the one or two feet above his head to catch it.

"Oh shit," Jonathan says when he watched the ball arc across the lawn and whack a blond kid squarely between his shoulder blades.

"Heads up!" he calls belatedly.

this is how we do it series by staraflur ⭐ - frat bros AU!!!

He doesn’t think Zeus is supposed to have a sword, but their Zeus does. So now Jonny does, because of course he’s in charge. He looks, Patrick is drunk enough to acknowledge, far better than anyone has a right to in a grody old Halloween costume that’s probably soaked up the butt sweat of dozens, if not hundreds, of Theta-presidents past. Jonny wears it, Patrick gets the sword. Win-win.

AKA that time there was a frat AU (of course).

This Heart Is Not For Wasting by fourfreedoms - oblivious best friends

Patrick puts his head in his hands. “How could this get any worse?”

“Wait, it’s not like, a big deal is it?” Duncs asks, looking at him and Jonny in turn. “The way you and Jonny are weird about each other? She’s gotta have made her peace with it ages ago.”

A college AU.

love song for love songs by boodreaus  ⭐ - angst, internalized homophobia

“Right,” Jonny says. “Cool.” He seems to hesitate, pausing when Patrick goes for the door handle, and then, right as Patrick’s bracing himself to run for the house, Jonny says, “You should come.”

Patrick turns back at him and is handed a piece of paper. “To our next show, I mean,” Jonny is saying as Patrick examines what turns out to be a flyer, thick black lettering taking up every square inch of space on the brilliant sunshine-colored surface. “It’s tomorrow night, at the showcase. Feel free to say yes or no or whatever. If you don’t know, it’s cool.”

“I’ll,” Patrick starts, and then stops, blinking up at him. Jonny’s just watching him, kind of, elbow resting on the steering wheel. “Maybe,” he finally says, and Jonny smiles.

yet we will make him run - some more angst, except more erudite

Kaner the English Lit major AU.

Sigma Chi series by hatrickane - frat bros hook up and then angst about it

Jonny and Patrick run into each other at a frat party. Patrick proposes a way to pass the time.

Can't Wait by LouLa - first time pwp

Pat's on a hair trigger.

when you flex like that - hookup in a frat party

Johnny isn’t drunk, but he does let Sharpy and a couple of frat-looking guys he doesn’t even know talk him into a contest of shots. It’s Sharpy’s fault — he appeals to the competitive side he knows Johnny can’t let go of at the best of times, and one of the guys, blonde curls, a lazy smirk of a grin, picks up on it pretty fast too.

Hope you don't mind by haroldslouis

“Oh, sorry, man,” the guy says, giving him a quick grin. “Thought you were someone else.” He taps the visor of Patrick’s snapback and just like that, he turns around and disappears into the crowd.Patrick doesn’t know how long he stands there, just looking at the general direction he disappeared in.

or, 5 times Jonny mistook Patrick for someone else + 1 time he definitely didn't

Room 4 Rent

Patrick stares at the ad for a while, clicking back and forth between the Craigslist page and his  fantasy hockey league, chewing on his bottom lip.

3 bedroom apartment near Loyola. One room available, others occupied by two male students.  Shared living room and kitchen. Two bathrooms. Rent split three ways. Email tazer19@gmail.com  or call 773-639-7812 for more info. No texts please.

are you buying what i'm selling? - frat party buddies

The Sigma Chi Halloween Bash is in a week, Jonny’s holding two tickets, and he has nobody to go with.

He had a somebody to go with, until that somebody decided Jonny’s student athlete life wasn’t worth  hanging around for. Their relationship was already tanking anyway; Jonny’s more upset about  potentially wasting a $40 ticket than that shit ending. Whatever.

Just A Spark by heartstrings  ⭐ - magical realism!

In a desperate attempt to hide his feelings from the object of his affections, Patrick accidentally drinks a love potion that causes the people around him to fall for him. Too bad it seems to work on everyone but Jonny.

do you know who you are? by liveinfury - frat bros

“Sure, Cap. I’ll try to keep it quiet.” Patrick winks at Jonny. “But be honest, you like the noises I make, huh?”

“What? Of course not!" Jonny sputters. "I’m not gay!”

(or where Jonny can't figure out why he feels so uneasy when Patrick brings guys home to their frat house).

The Great Desk Assembly Project - they were roommates

“I’m going to nail some shit,” he says. “Jonny, come watch me nail some shit.”

“We share a room, I don’t need to watch you nail anything else.”

“That’s not what you were saying last night,” Pat says with a laugh in his voice. He reaches back  behind him and punches Jonny in the shoulder for good measure.

No, It's Not A Secret by SimoneClouseau ⭐ - always a girl Jonny 

Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your boyfriend. No way, no way. I think you need a new one.

Jehanne Toews is dating a loser. Sometimes it takes a ridiculous awesome young star on the Blackhawks to see the light.

good form - always a girl Pat!  ⭐ 

“Best head of your life?”

“Yes, he was better than you, you competitive motherfucker.” Hayds says it like it’s a joke, like it’s funny, like it’s not the single most devastating thing a girl could say to Pat.

“A hockey bro gave you the best head of your goddamn life? Am I in the fucking Upside Down?”

“Believe it, baby. Jonathan Toews: hockey bro and magical pussy-eating wizard.”

forever i'll try for you and i by staraflur - always girls Jon and Pat!

It’s extra great—whenever Jo’s losing, she always makes like their running point tally competition isn’t real. Tonight’s true to form: when Trish holds up three fingers and points at herself, then two before pointing at Jo, Jo actually scoffs as she pokes at a couple chicken breasts with the tongs, trying to find the best one.

remedial at love - jonny ‘i'm great at math but the math tutor's really hot so i'm gonna pretend i'm not' toews

There have been a lot of things Kaner’s done that could be considered suspect. He chose the  Backstreet Boys over Nsync for the Kane Dance-Off Championship when he was 15. He opted to go  to Disneyland instead of Disney World for his high school graduation present. He frosted his tips after  coming out in 12th grade because he thought that was like, the obvious thing to do until he realized  this was not, in actuality, the 90s.

But this one. Calling up ‘Jtoews’ and requesting tutelage in math when he was a fucking wiz at math  was -- the most highly suspect of all.

Drink yourself under, fuck yourself over by Mythisea

Jonathan Toews is the sophomore captain of the college hockey team. Patrick Kane recently quit hockey before coming to college.

Jonny thinks Patrick would be perfect on his wing. Patrick would rather be drinking. Jonny does not approve.

Make The Moves Up As I Go by agirlnamedfia - tutor!Jonny with a dash of angst and pining

Patrick has his first Econ 202 class on the second day of the spring semester. It doesn’t exactly go well.

how to make boys-next-door out of assholes series by bessyboo, thisissirius - textfic

Yo man, Sharpy's having a party tonight. You up for it or you gonna be a boring shit and study???

it's only you and me by crystaljules - graduation blues

"We're so fucking stupid."

Overdosed on Confidence by runphoebe ⭐ - fwb, internalized homophobia

“Someone could -,” Jonny starts, breaking off when Patrick ducks down to draw Jonny’s lips against his, kissing him fever-hot and wet and desperate. Jonny’d be embarrassed by how hungrily he responds, but he knows Pat’s into it, moaning unashamedly into Jonny’s mouth when he tightens a hand around Pat’s neck. “Someone could see,” he finally gets out, voice rough, when Patrick pulls back, as if Patrick’s supposed to believe that that’s any sort of protest.

Patrick licks his lips, the hint of a smirk playing at the corners of them in that familiar way like when Patrick's got a particularly bad idea on his mind. “Guess you better be quick then, huh?” he says cryptically, waggling his eyebrows at Jonny. Jonny’s a second away from rolling his eyes and asking what he means when Patrick slithers off Jonny’s lap and onto his knees on the floor beneath Jonny’s table and - oh. Oh.

Silence Gives You Space by liveinfury - pining, misunderstandings

“Have you been avoiding me?”

“’Course not,” Patrick says. “I’m just letting you do your own thing.”

“My own thing?”

“Yeah, didn’t want to crowd your space,” Patrick blurts out. Fuck, he didn’t mean to actually say that.“You’re not…”

“Cool.”

tuck you in - getting together

“You sexiled again?" He smirks and stuffs down the fondness that rolls  through him at theway Jonny’s hair is rumpled and a little bit wavy.

Jonny sits up slowly, groaning. “Yeah. Fuck, this is the third time in a week  and a half.”

obvious from the start - radio DJs Pat and Jon!

It’s not like Patrick even likes radio, because he hasn’t really listened to  anything that’s not on his iPod or his Pandora stations in years, but when he notices the red and  white flyer advertising the student radio station on the ground, he picks it up with the  excuse that he’s trying to be environmentally friendly.When he played hockey they told Patrick that he was too small, too short to  be a hockeyplayer; that he’d never make it because of his size. Hockey is, was, his heart  and soul, and he’d put years and years of his life into the one thing he knew he was good  at; threw his very being into the best he could be to prove that he can do it, be the best,  even if he was small.

Patrick supposes maybe he'll find something else that he’s just as good at.

stupid college boys series by 19trash88 - Jonny is the cute guy from Econ class

Patrick’s not one to wax poetic about a penis, but if ever there was a reason to, Jonathan Toews’ cock would be at the top of the list.

Green Light by heartstrings - friends to lovers

Patrick knows two things: he likes sex and he likes Jonny. If Jonny's newly single there's no reason not to combine the two. Right?

Everybody Wants to Touch Some(body Paragraphs) by Kerfluffle  ⭐

Wherein Jonny writes the worst essay ever, and weirdness abounds.

Motivation by somethingnerdythiswaycomes  ⭐ - pwp

Only Jonny could keep working on his LIT-110 paper while Patrick was getting himself off next to him. Fuck, but Patrick loved him so much.

Muse series by by somethingnerdythiswaycomes

So Jonny had applied for every damn job he was qualified for, even the "life model" one TJ goaded him into.So Jonny had received an email the next day asking for his availability to come in for a session.So, as it turned out, it wasn’t some random chick that was going to draw him. It was some random dude.

So "life model" apparently meant "nude model."

You Love Me, I Love You Harder So by leyley09 - overly competitive boys on the hockey team

Patrick circles around him at center ice. “Jonathan, my team is going to kick your team’s ass so hard your parents will be embarrassed without even knowing why.”“I’m gonna give you a lesson in goal scoring you’ll never forget.”“Toews, you couldn’t give me a lesson in long distance spitting. Anything you can do, I can do better.”“Oh yeah?”“I can do anything better than you.”

Jonathan Toews is used to be being the best. He has zero clue what to do with competition.

Especially when the competition is cute.

middle ground by boodreaus - college road trip, friends to lovers

Jonny, Patrick, and an excellent adventure.

Who Knew by themistrollsin

Jonathan and Patrick meet after they're forced to go to a party by their best friends (Adam and Brent respectively).

Night Moves by heartstrings - meetcute

After a series of unfortunate drunk events that lead him from falling into a snowbank to being laughed at by the police, Jonny meets Patrick in an elevator.

Ignite My Fire, Object Of My Desire by ThalassicThedes ⭐- theater boys!!!

A good ol' fashioned College Au in which the college itself is hardly even mentioned. Just... make of this what you will.

absolute beginners by heartstrings, thundersquall

That time Jonny walked into a diner and accidentally got himself a temporary fake boyfriend.

Like A Classic - royalty!Jonny

So: due to a series of complicated and improbable events involving some sort of life debt and signed promise from two generations ago, it was decreed that Patrick had to marry the Crown Prince of Canada.

Captain Oblivious by wantstothrill - royalty!Pat

Why would Jonny care about the American royal family visiting his university? He's Canadian. He hasn't paid any attention to Prince Patrick since he was a teenager. He's more concerned with the very hot guy he's just run into, who's name also happens to be Patrick. What a coincidence.

+

check out the high school AUs tag aaand the college AUs tag @ 1988rebloggedfic!

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Magnolia

I don’t know much about Magnolia or Paul Thomas Anderson, but I do know that it takes someone paying me to get me to watch a 3-hr+ drama that doesn’t star Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, and a really big boat. This is one of my mom’s favorite movies which is why she requested it for me to review. It’s packed with a balls-to-the-wall star-studded cast (Tom Cruise! Julianne Moore! Phillip Seymour Hoffman! John C. Reilly! William H. Macy! Felicity Huffman!) and I’m genuinely excited to see how they all fit together. Cause they have to all fit together in some coherent way, right? Well...

Do you remember in Sorry to Bother You when the Equisapiens came out and things just took like...a real turn? That’s kind of what this was like. Whereas StBY pushed a thought to its most extreme, but logical, conclusion, what Paul Thomas Anderson has done here feels like a magician doing a lot of impressive illusions - sawing a lady in half, making a motorcycle disappear, pulling smaller things out of bigger things - and then for his final trick, walking onstage amidst a grand plume of smoke, dropping his pants, taking a gigantic shit, and then saying, “You’ve been a great audience, thanks a lot and goodnight!” It’s not like you can say the experience was BAD. Everything up to the finale was a really great time! But when you’re left on a note that is that bafflingly odd, it kinda colors the way you’ll remember the whole thing.

Magnolia is the story of one long day in the life of 12 people living in Los Angeles who are all connected via an extensive web from acquaintances to married couples to parents and children to paid caregivers and beyond. It’s a day that has the same kind of ups and downs as any other day until it, well, turns into something else entirely. I’m not sure how else to explain it, but if you want to know more, spoilers will be spoiled below.

Some thoughts:

Patton Oswalt cameo! I am a massive fan and thought I knew his whole filmography and OMG how did I not know that he was in this!!

Ok, in spite of my skepticism this entire opening sequence about coincidence had me hooked IMMEDIATELY. Like, this is some damn good storytelling, if this were a novel, I would not be able to put it down - that pull, that’s what it feels like.

Am I the only person whose encyclopedic memory of character actors/roles gets distracted when they see someone from something that is wildly disparate compared to the role you’re currently watching? For example, I had to pause the movie and confirm via IMDB that I did just see Professor Sprout from HP scream “Shut the fuck up!” at her husband while brandishing a shotgun.

Would people really recognize a grown ass man from being a successful child game show contestant? I’ll tell you the answer, no they wouldn’t, because no one realizes that Peter Billingsley (aka Ralphie from A Christmas Story) is the head of the elf production line in Elf.

I knew this was a stacked cast, but holy SHIT this is a stacked cast. If I had $1 for every fantastic character actor I recognize in this, I would have at least $37, and these are people in the film who have maybe 2-3 lines each. It’s a deep bench is what I’m saying.

This makes me miss Phillip Seymour Hoffman so, so very much.

Watching PSH care for and be so compassionate and gentle with his hospice patient, Earl (Jason Robards),makes my heart ache terribly. All of the people who have been unable to perform this kindness, this type of compassionate care for their closest loved ones as they lie dying in isolation of Covid...it’s overwhelming.

OMG I’m counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Very Good Dogs in the old man’s house!

I know Scientology is evil and he’s undeniably a complicated and morally grey person. I know all that. But goddamn I just love watching Tom Cruise COMMIT. Particularly when he commits to just absolute fucking sleazebag slimeballs. And boy oh boy is Frank Mackey an absolute fucking sleazebag slimeball.

Related - I know Frank looks like Tom Cruise, so he could get people to sleep with him no matter what, but I honestly feel like as a human being, this flesh suit is WAY more attractive balding and fat in Tropic Thunder than he is in this shiny brown shirt/leather vest/long hair combo.

I’m getting an uncomfortable vibe about these black characters being written by an artsy white dude, because I don’t know any young black kids who want to hang around with cops and offer up information about who committed a murder in their building. In fact, the way all of the black characters are treated in this film - as liars, criminals, the disingenuous “main stream media,” and thieves - feels rooted in some racist ass bullshit. We see a lot of nuance in our white characters, but even in a film that has, shockingly, more than one key black role, we don’t get that spectrum or nuance.

There is nothing I would love more than to learn that Frank Mackey is 1) gay 2) impotent or 3) both. He’s so disgustingly over-the-top misogynistic, it honestly feels like it should all be a complete act.

I confess I am on the edge of my seat trying to figure out how all these narrative threads tie together. It’s compelling as hell, even though half the time I don’t know why these people are having these long, meandering conversations. The pacing feels so deliberate, like a puzzle coming together. There’s real craftsmanship in how every scene is plotted to feel connected rather than manic or disjointed.

This pharmacist is being unprofessional as hell. Judgy McJudgerson, mind your fucking business, Julianne Moore’s father is dying! [ETA: ope, that’s embarrassing, Earl is actually her husband.]

NO THE DOG IS EATING THE PILLS OH NO VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOG.

I think I knew this, but this soundtrack is fantastic. All Aimee Mann and Supertramp, and Jon Brion’s score is this thrumming, anxious thing full of strings that underscore all these nervous conversations, and then it shifts into these low, mournful horns when things start to take a turn and everyone is reaching their lowest points.

I love this interviewer (April Grace) who is taking Frank (Tom Cruise) to task. I think it’s particularly noteworthy that she is a black woman, because the kind of misogyny Frank peddles is rooted in white supremacy.

Stanley (Jeremy Blackman) is breaking my goddamn heart here. I think he and Phil (PSH) are my favorite characters.

Jim (John C Reilly) is the perfect example of how even a cop with the best intentions, with absolute kindness and love is in heart, is abusing his power and sexually harassing a woman he encountered in the line of duty, who is eager to appease him because she doesn’t want to be charged with a crime. This movie reads a LOT differently than it did in 1999.

I normally really love Julianne Moore, but she is a screeching mess in this. I can’t stop staring at her mouth and all the contortions it makes as she delivers every line in hysterics. She’s one of the few weak spots for me here.

Listening to Frank go on his whole diatribe about what society does to little boys to break them and victimize them HAS to be the source of where Keith Raniere got at least half of his NXIVM bullshit. Like, some of these points are word-for-word.

Also if Frank makes as much money as he seems to, there’s no way he would drive a shitty Saturn sedan.

It feels like the common thread of this movie is everyone is terrible and cheats on their spouses, and you should come clean when you get cancer so you can die peacefully. Weird moral, but ok.

If Jim is a cop, how does he not see that this woman he’s interested in (Melora Walters) is coked out of her mind?

Y’know for being a quiz kid, Donnie (William H. Macy) sure is kinda stupid.

I confess I’m not taking many notes throughout this because I’m just kind of sitting breathlessly still watching all these conversations unfold because I am on the edge of my fucking seat to find out how all this is gonna come together.

Secret MVP of this movie is the mom from A Christmas Story (Melinda Dillon) who is giving the performance of her goddamn life as Jimmy Gator’s wife.

Did I Cry? On the surface it appears ridiculous, but when Tom Cruise is having his breakdown at his dying father’s bedside, I admit, that really got me. If you’ve ever been faced with that kind of hysterical, I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening, it feels like the whole world is ending kind of shock and hurt and anger, that’s what the crying looks like.

Are those......frogs?? That landed on Jim’s car? It’s raining fucking frogs???? OK for those of you sensitive to frog harm, this movie is going to take a real hard left turn for you, because I swear that came out of NOWHERE.

Um.

What.

Pray tell.

The fuck.

The climax of this movie - is when literal frogs rain from the sky.

And we finally got resolution about the dog, and the dog DID die, and I’m pissed about it. It’s offscreen but still.

I'm sorry - I know I’m fixating. But how is it possible that I knew about all the characters performing a sing-along to Aimee Mann’s (excellent) song “Wise Up” but I did NOT know that the climax of the film involves literally thousands of frogs falling to their death from the sky? How is that something that escapes entry into the cultural zeitgeist? I’m with it, you guys. I have been Very Online for over a decade, and before that, I read a lot of Entertainment Weekly, and like it just seems that this is something that pop culture really should have told me.

I think the funniest moment of this movie might be the credits in which I discovered that not only is Luis Guzman playing a man named Luis, he’s actually playing himself. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing about it. That was a 189-minute setup to one dumb punchline.

I think I loved this movie but I don’t quite know. The frog thing really threw me. What I’m taking away from it is that even when it doesn’t feel like it or seem like it, we are all connected to each other, always, in ways we can’t see or know. As Wife astutely pointed out, it’s reminiscent of the pandemic - we’re all in the same storm, but we each have our own boats and our own experiences within that storm. And it’s kind of nice to remember that right now, that connection still exists even when it feels so far away. Just not if you’re a frog I guess, cause they really got the short end of the stick here.

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[spideyjlaw]

My Avengers Endgame World Premiere experience

this is really long, lota rambling feel free to read skim anything idc, no spoilers bc this was on Monday before I saw the movie :) 

Ok Ima start Saturday night, this is when I was packing making and painting my posters that said “Thank You Avengers”, I live in California so I didn’t have to fly to this event. At 12am we (my family) we arrive in Los Angeles around 5am. At this time I thought that the premiere was going to be at El Capitan Theatre where it was originally supposed to be. We drive by the theater and we see no one is in line which was weird bc normally there would be people here already so i search and find the location which was switched last min (smh) the drive to the next location wasnt too long but at least i knew i was at the right location bc of the small group of fans and the giant poster that said Avengers Endgame World Premiere. Apparently they changed the location bc they needed a larger screening room and they didnt want tons of fans showing up, there were these girls that were waiting at the El Capitan for 2 hours before they realized something was up. Anyway, we get in line. People who were in charge told the people who stayed over night to go home bc there wasnt going to be a fan area. No one left ofc who would hell no. Then some people went on twitter to talk about it made signs it was confusing but we ended up in a fan area after going through security. We got into the fan area at 12 ish and we had to stand there for another 4 and a half hours before anything exciting happens. Now its around 4pm people are starting to arrive. (THIS IS WHEN THE ACTION STARTS) Benedict Wong then Joe Russo. Not many came all the way down the line, I was the last one on the line before it wrapped around the corner. But I did want to get barricade and able to see action so Im grateful for my spot. Then Anthony Mackie arrives he’s walking to end of the fan area around the small corner but as hes walking right as he gets near me i scream at the top of my lungs, he stops right in front of me and i go “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!ANTHONYYYYY MACKiE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!” he looks at me biggest smile. We had a whole moment together its hard to explain its kinda like a ‘you had to be there moment’ i was the longest person probably a good 20 seconds (which is a long ass time in these times when they are in a rush) he was at and while im screaming and fangirling he air grabs my head to fucking sign my forehead i closed my eyes and accepted it he didnt do it ofc but he was just a fun guy i love him soooo much he signs my posters while saying “There’s no black guy on here” (i did an original 6 themed avengers poster) but he signed than signed my bosslogic poster which he was in. paul rudd comes by hes just a rocking dude i love scott lang sm, he was so sweets v cool guys sm love for him. Then at around 5pm Chris freaking Hemsworth arrives I loose my shit and so does everyone else. Just like Joe, Benedict Wong & Anthony he also went around the corner to make sure they got all of the fans (thank u to all who did this). Ive loved Hemsie for the longest time, i did get teary eyed but i didnt cry (yet) he was just the sweetest I was able to take a crappy photo with him bc i wasnt able to function properly as i took the pic my dumbass was like “iLOvEyoUsOmUCh” its oka cause he has the cutest smile and the bluest eyes oh and i cant stress enough he smelled so good sooooo good normally i hate when guys coat themselves in cologne cause it smells bad, but his didnt, his smelled so good i was so shook like chris drop what cologne u used idc its for guys mama neeeddds. THEN IT hAPPENEd CHRISTOPHER ROBERT EVANS DRIVES BY. Everyone was like “omg is that chris evans?!”  I stand on the barricade to see if i can catch a peak, istg the moment the fucking moment he gets out the car i start to bawl my eyes out. This man who has meant more to me than anyone is over there i couldnt believe i was seeing my favorite human ever. I’ve only sobbed right as i saw my fave once before back in 2016 at the Passengers premiere when I met Jennifer Lawrence. People dont really understand the moment like this person has inspired me so much of course im going to cry and sure judge me for it but they helped me through so much. Anyway he looked soo hot in his blue suit and sunglasses. I kinda calm down bc i didnt know if he was going to come all the way down the line and yk my ass wanted a pic but he was cut half way though the people which was upsetting but again im extremely grateful to be able to see him. Then my main fucking man. Sebastian Stan arrives. see ive met the guy before last year at ace comic con (there was tea w my photo op being really messy and i hated it i got a refund u can read about that on my ace comic con post). anyway i see him. i dont cry im trying to wipe my tears i was more prepared cause ive seen him before it was gonna be ok. I lose my shit the man was wearing a baby blue pastel colored suit. fucking beautiful. iconic. very hot of you mr seb ty. hes walking down and hes getting close. he wasnt to smiley, he was taking pics but he was focused on the fans signing for as many fans as possible. He gets to me and he sees our pics then he looks u so we could take a pic and his smile just transforms you can just see his face just glow up it was the truly the cutest this ive ever experience. then we look up from the pic and hes smiling at me i tell him “I love you so much” i hear him chuckle but as he says something his security guy yells “thank you that enough” so ill be posting the vid of us and any lip readers can help a girl out ill love you forever. I ended up being Sebs last person from the fan area. he truly made my day, week fucking year. then other celebs such as jon favreau, benedict cumberbatch comes by. Jeremy Renner comes by. I shoot my shot and make small talk w Jeremy. I go “Hi Jermey how’s your day going?” he goes “I’m doing really good, how bout you?” he signs my things i excitingly tell him “I’m doing great thank you” then he goes “Thank you honey” and smiles at me. It made me really happy, i could tell he was a bit tired but Jeremy is such a sweetheart he doesnt get the credit he deserves i love him sm, ive always has a little part of my heart for Hawkeye. minutes go by. I see Lizzie Olsen, Danai Gurira, beautiful ofc. then i see fucking Mark Ruffalo hes just standing behind one of the SUVs and the sun is on him. He looked like a confused puppy it was so cute and soft, i love my ruffalo buffalo. I took my moment to scream “iS THat MARK ruFFALO?” i dont think he signed for many fans. Scarjo arrives she doesnt sign for many either she looked beautiful v pretty. a little while passes than the most bitching car comes by and stops where the cars stop until the drop off area clears and they can go. we all knew who ever was in that car he was important. then it was his time to go cause the drop off area was cleared. guess who was in the drivers seat. You guessed right. Robert Downey Jr rolling up in an Audi E-TRON, with his wife Susan Downey in the passenger seat. Truly the Tony Stark entrance. he doesnt sign for many ofc. at this time it was getting later near 6pm almost all celebs and guests are inside where the actual premiere set up is. then Vin Diesel comes in. He was the most fan based guy. even though he was running late he ran (literally speed walking) through the whole line of fans around the corner and everything. he had the biggest smile on. wearing his groot jacket. and if u dont know fast and furious are one of my fave franchises of all time so i was having the best time. then that was the last person and we started heading out. i didnt name all who ive seen since there was just to many and i probably missed some things but i loved my experience. i was able to see all the original avengers irl and that made me really happy. this whole cast means the world to me. ill love them forever 

[iknownothingihearnothing]

Game of Thrones 8.1 “Winterfell”

OMG.

ZOMGGGGGGGG.

Them dang ol’ dang ol’ Thrones are BACK!

It’s been twenty looooooooooooong months of GoTlessess. Winter came. And left. And damn came again. And now winter has come for our heroes in the glory of springtime. 

Can’t you just hear the little birdies chirping? The bees buzzing? The white walkers moaning as they shamble beyond the wrecked Wall in their endless quest for dominance and human flesh? 

You’d be forgiven if you don’t entirely remember what happened last season. Jon bent the knee to Dany after he and some of his Merry Men--the Amazing Tormund Giantsbane included--ventured Beyond the Wall to capture a wight in order to prove to Cersei that, yes, the undead were indeed real and not a conspiracy cooked up by Ser Alyx of House Jones in order to get her to let her guard down just enough for Dany and Co. to steal her crown and she sailed in on Drogon like a badass and rescued them. No damsel in distress here. So Jon lost his King in the North status but he gained a lady friend, and by “friend”, I mean--

After seeing the wight for herself, Cersei promised to send the Lannister army up North to fight for the living. But, you know...

Gratefully, our handsome Kingslayer, however, has some scruples. Finally having had enough with Cersei’s crazy bullshit, he tells her he swore to fight for the living and that is what he is going to do, damnit, and takes himself North-way, leaving his sisterlover and their maybe bun in the oven behind in the capital. 

The biggest reveal, of course, was the confirmation of the long running theory of R+L=J. AKA, Rhaegar Targaryen went off and married Lyanna Stark in secret, she got preggies with Jon/Aegon and, dying in the Tower of Joy, Lyanna made a young Ned Stark promise he’d always take care of her son. So he lied to everyone, that he was his bastard kid to protect him from the “all Targaryens must DIE” Baratheon rule (that non-Aryan head of hair helped, I’m sure) and raised him in Winterfell as a Stark but not a Stark. 

Now Jon Snow, who started the series knowing nothing, will soon know all. 

Including that he’s technically been fucking his aunt but what’s a little incest between friends on Game of Thrones? 

Oh and also Viserion was taken out and the Night King revived him to knock down the wall. We have an undead dragon, people!

Let’s get into it, shall we?

We gots a new opening, which is cool. The now defunct Wall looks like it is entirely made of ice cube trays.

We start in on a little boy who is trying to see all the hubbub but can’t glimpse over the adults, harking back to the pilot when the Baratheon-Lannisters visited the North to offer their thanks for helping overthrow the Mad King and to hook up Sansa and the Joff. Said “hubbub” being Dany, Jon, and their army entering the North. Arya’s also there, wearing a far less fabulous outfit than Dany is, frowning at the Hound’s appearance but relieved at Gendry’s. 

He has traded a small boat for a horse.

If you were taking bets on how soon Tyrion would make a junk joke, I hope you had down “within the first few minutes”:

Varys rightfully calls him out on his hypocrisy; he hates imp jokes but loves eunuch jokes. How can he be cool with that? 

Obvs, because Tyrion has balls and Varys doesn’t, duh.

#Woke, Tyrion is not.

 As the procession moves throughout the town, people are glarin’ and starin’ and Dany is obviously uncomfortable, poor lamb. Jon tells her that Northerners don’t “accept outsiders easily”. So, to use an analogy, Jon is the one guy from his small town in Pigeon Butt, Arkansas, who is welcoming to everyone when the rest of the residents are all “You ain’t from ‘round here, are ya?” *changes magazine in rifle*

I’d be annoyed if I were Dany. I mean, lugging my ass all the way up to the damn frigid North, freezing my tits off, with a fucking army and two dragons, all to save everyone’s asses, and they’re copping a ‘tude? Pfft. Y’all can kiss my Southern butt.

One of the dragons roars and Dany smiles because at least that is familiar to her, but of course the townspeople scatter while Arya stands there grinning in delight. Dragons! Cool!

The Lady of Winterfell, however...

The look to the camera she gives is like “Oh ffs.”

Jon rides into the Winterfell courtyard and when he sees Bran for the first time since he was a boy he, delighted, hops down from his horse to hug and kiss him. “Look at you! You’re a man!” And when the robot that used to be Bran replies “Almost” like the automaton he is, Jon’s face gets, well...

And, I must add, how WEIRD it is to me that, amid all these Qyburns and Sansas and Davoses, BRANDON is a popular name in Westeros/Ye Old Timey serfdom alterna-England. To me, Brandon is THIS guy:

Brandon is Jason Priestley and a delightfully 90s name, not to mention the moniker of way too many boys I went to school with. I keep expecting to see Nat round one of the corners of Winterfell with a megaburger. 

Jon hugs Sansa and asks after Arya, who is “lurking somewhere”, and hesitantly introduces his girlfriend to his sister. It’s the nightmare Meet the Parents except the parents are dead, everyone’s about to die, and it’s fucking cold as balls. 

Dany, the poor lass, tries to ingratiate herself by complimenting Winterfell’s “beauty” (eh?) as well as Sansa’s (yes, Sophie Turner is a fox and Joe Jonas would agree) but Sansa’s having none of it:

BranBot breaks in on the Mean Girling, telling Dany that the Night King has Viserion and the Wall has been de-Walled. At the Great Hall, Young Umber says that they need more men and horses “if it pleases my Lady. And my Lord....and my Queen. Sorry.” 

The Queen thing is, uh, gonna take some getting used to. 

Sansa tells Young Umber to collect his people and Jon is called “Your Grace” after giving an order and little Lyanna Mormont, that badass, rises slowly like a boss.

She continues like “Yo, we crowned you King in the North, you gave it up, wtf are you now? Just a regular old lord, I guess?”

And Jon busts out this truth--although he was honored to be crowned, the choice was either keep his title or save the North. He chose the North. I gotta side with Jon on this one, sorry, Lyanna. I love you, but y’all Northerners are being stubborn dumbasses. Crowns and titles reallllllllly don’t mean much in the wake of DYING HORRIBLY BY LEGIONS OF UNDEAD. 

Tyrion tries to calm the storm between the Northerners and the visitors, telling them that Jon risked his life to prove he wights were a threat; the Lannister army was soon going to join them in fighting for the Not Dead cause. There are grumbles amongst the peanut gallery and Tyrion concedes that they “have not been friends in the past”--

--but they all had to work together now. Sansa, still holding onto stubborn Northern pride, wonders aloud how the hell how they are gonna feed Dothraki, Unsullied, and two dragons? “What do dragons eat anyway?”

Dany: “Whatever they want.”

Booya!

Obviously, I would bend the knee to Daenerys. I likely fall over though. Hope she doesn’t mind.

Tyrion goes to speak to Sansa, whom he has not seen since season four, Joffrey’s non-wedding to Margaery, to be precise. You remember that.

Yes, Sansa, it indeed had its moments. Unfortunately, with Joffrey gone, we got Ramsay in his place so....

Sansa apologizes belatedly for bolting right after the Joff’s murder, which, admittedly, was a wee bit hard for Tyrion to explain, her being his wife and all. He kinda had to go to trial. Hire Oberyn to fight the Mountain for him. Again, we all know how that turned out.

Squishy squishy!

Sansa also can’t believe Tyrion truly is convinced the Lannister army is on its way to the North based on Cersei’s word alone. “I used to think you were the cleverest man alive,” she lays down before walking away.

Sansa has turned into Shade-sa. 

Now it’s time for a Jon and Arya reunion! Yay!

Jon: How’d you sneak up on me?

Arya: How’d you survive a knife through the heart?

Jon: I didn’t.

So Jon and Arya show each other their swords and Jon asks her if she has ever used hers and we the audience watching are like--

And then they talk about Daenerys. Jon is a wee bit pissed that Sansa is unappreciative of him risking his and his Merry Men’s asses to save the whole frigging kingdom, understandably so, and, fucking weak, Arya defends “her family”. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE HELLO DON’T YOU SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE?! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR PETTY “I DON’T LIKE MY BROTHER’S GF, SHE’S NOT FROM HERE, SHE CAN’T UNDERSTAND US!” NONSENSE! THE DEAD ARE COMING, DAMNIT!

In K.L., Creepy Qyburn rushes to tell Crazy Cersei that the wights have broken through the Wall. Her response?

If there is one thing on this mixed up continent we can count on it’s that Cersei will do the most fucked up shit to keep that crown on her blonde head. Including letting ice zombies lose on at least one of her kingdoms.

Just off the coast of the capital, Yara is still being held prisoner of her Uncle Euron, AKA Guyliner Greyjoy. What is it with pirates and guyliner and leather pants? Euron, Captain Hook, Jack Sparrow...While poor Yara, the rightful Queen of the Iron Islands, is tied up, Euron introduces Crazy Cersei to the captain of the Golden Company, who promises all these men and horses and weapons and things. ‘Cept no elephants, much to Cersei’s dismay. They’re not good for long sea voyages. 

Euron wants to talk “in private”. 

Which in Westerosi-speak is:

Cersei tries to put him off; she told him after the war. “Wars can last years,” Euron counters. He’s given her weapons, the Iron Fleet, the Golden Company (whose captain is named Harry Strickland, that is so out of leftfield in a world of Eddards and Tywins), what else does he need to prove that he’s totally Team Cersei?

Well, Cersei doesn’t wanna lose the only ally she has left in this war she still sees herself fighting so...

Euron:

Elsewhere in the capital, Bronn is trying to get his offtime on with three ladies who cannot stop talking about how frigging cool and scary the dragons they saw attacking K.L. were and Bronn is obviously only an afterthought. A watercooler, if you will. When Creepy Qyburn interrupts and lets Bronn know that Cersei is looking for him.

The gist is Qyburn has been sent to hire Bronn on Cersei’s behalf to execute Tyrion and Jaime in case they don’t survive their “Northern adventures”. And she wants him to use a crossbow to do it because she has a keen sense of poetic irony. 

Bronn:

Bronn might be my favorite.

In Cersei’s chambers, Euron is getting dressed (because he just got Queened, you see; this show can never be accused of being subtle) and immediately asks her how he “compares to the fat king”. Cersei tells Euron that Robert had a different ladyfriend every night but still had no idea how to please a woman. Sad for Robert.

 Then he asks about “the Kingslayer” and Cersei wonders if he wants to lose his head. But he’s arrogant and she likes that (and he apparently doesn’t mind that she had a torrid affair with her twin brother; they’re either perfectly matched or perfectly psychotic). Just before Euron leaves, he says:

 Prooooooooobably not aware that Cersei’s belly just may be currently occupied at the moment.

Cersei smiles holding aloft her ever present goblet of wine as Euron leaves. IDK if she is simply humoring an ally or if she actually finds Euron grossly charming. I mean, he’s hot and all but he’s also a pig but hey I’m sane so what do I know.

On Euron’s ship, Theon and his buddies launch an attack against the assholes who have captured Yara. Theon unties her and she headbutts him for abandoning her like a sister would (”You left me, your Queen, to our bastard of an uncle! You dipshit!”), then extends a hand to help him off the floor and they say no more about it. 

Yara suggests they go back to the Iron Islands; they’ll all need a place to go if Dany and Co. fail in the North, a place where the dead can’t follow. But Theon obviously wants to go to Winterfell and fight for the Starks, to make up for betraying them and being an absolute fucklord, so Yara commands it. “What is dead may never die, but kill the bastards anyway.”

In the North, Dany is worried about Drogon’s and Rhaegal’s lack of appetites. They “only” ate eighteen goats and eleven sheep. IDK, that sounds like a lot to me but again, what do I know? I’ve never owned a dragon. I should ask the Munsters. 

Dany and Jon go visit the dragons, who are restless cus they don’t be likin’ the North. And why would they? They’ve been all over and in much warmer climes and now they’re stuck in some frozen over craphole where no one washes their hair and wears the same clothes for two weeks straight. 

Dany wants to fly them to give them some exercise and urges Jon to get on top of Rhaegal while she flies her trusty Drogon. Jon is, obvs, hesitant. He’s never ridden a dragon, he doesn’t know how. Well, no one does until they’ve ridden a dragon! So, Jon climbs on top of Rhaegal, braces himself, and off they go.

And it’s hilarious.

And Dany’s totally into it. Jon’s holding onto Rhaegal, screaming like a girl and Dany’s like “Oh YEAUH I’m all about this”. When they touch down at a really pretty spot in front of a waterfall to get bizzay, she’s looking like she’s falling deeper in love with him and the dragons are looking like, well, like they are watching their mom get bizzay. 

Kinky. You don’t see Dragon Mom-Dragon Cuckold-Ex King of the North videos on PornHub. That’s a niche they should tap into.

This scene was totally unnecessary for the plot and probably cost a lot of money to render and was hysterical. Who knew dragons had kinks? I mean, I guess they are entering their hormone-fueled adolescence and missing internet and Playboy outlets so...this is the next best thing?

Sorry about that, boys. 

Arya and the Hound run into each other for the first time since season three, where she left him to die but first robbed him. “You’re a cold little bitch, aren’t you? Guess that’s why you’re still alive.” 

She also runs into Gendry and asks him to make her a weapon, to which he hesitantly complies.

Inside Winterfell, Sansa receives a letter from House Glover letting them know that they wish the North luck but House Glover will remain in the woods. It’s a classic piss off. Even though House Glover promised to always stand by House Stark. No, Sansa denies. He’d stand behind the King in the North. They’re gearing up for another argument. Jon counters that they needed allies. He brought home armies and dragons! 

UGH!

Sansa, I love you, but Lort Almighty!

Yeah ok, the Mad King was, well, mad, but A) Dany is not her father and B) ICE ZOMBIES WITH AN ICE DRAGON ARE COMING! SOON! THEY ARE ON THEIR WAY RIGHT NOW! ALL YOU PEOPLE ARE BEING HARD-HEADED IDIOTS!

Dany and Jorah go to visit Sam to thank him for curing Jorah of his Greyscale. Dany asks Sam if there is anything she can do for him to repay him. Sam asks for a pardon for taking some books from the Citadel and a sword from House Tarly; it’s been in his family for generations. And that is when things get--

Daenerys explains that she offered to let Randyll Tarly keep his lands and titles if he bent the knee, but he refused, and we all know what happened to him. 

At the info that his daddy is toast, Sam seems to take in stride because Randyll was a dick but when Dany adds that Dickon stood by his father and was also roasted Sam excuses himself.

How good was John Bradley in this scene? He conveyed so much emotion in a single facial expression, just a shift of the eyes, a downturn of the lips. You could totally tell he was barely holding it together.

Sam goes outside and spots BranBot, who urges him to tell Jon the truth with his emotionless visage. After all, he’s not his brother.

He finds Jon in the crypt and they hug it out until Jon notices the look on Sam’s face. He thinks something’s wrong with Gilly or Little Sam until Sam confesses that Dany had Randyll and Dickon executed. Sam asks him if he would have done this if he’d been in her place. Jon argues that he’d executed men who had disobeyed him in the past, but he’d also pardoned men who refused to kneel. Jon parries he wasn’t a king like Dany is a queen. 

Sam claims he is. And he doesn’t mean King of the North.

He and Bran worked it out. Sam had a High Septon’s diary. Bran had...BranVision. Jon’s father was, of course, Rhaegar Targaryen and his mother was Lyanna Stark. 

He’s Aegon Targaryen, Sixth of his Name, Protector of the Realm, yada, yada, yada.

Jon’s like “You better not be bullshitting me, man!” And Sam’s all “Would Dany bend the knee and give up her crown to save her people like you did, bro?”

Jon:

On the grounds of Winterfell, the hunting party, consisting of Tormund Giantsbane, Dolorous Edd, and five times resurrected Beric Dondarrion (be careful, Beric, Melisandre isn’t around to resurrect you again), is, uh, hunting when half the party jumps out screaming “Stay back! He’s got blue eyes!”

Brienne needs to get on that. They’d make adorable, and huge, blue-eyed babies.

Eventually, they find poor Young Umber, the first casualty of this season, nailed to a door with his innards and body parts creating a spiral pattern around him. He awakens zombified and the party lights him on fire, causing the whole spiral of gore to become alight in flames.

Ugh.

Everyone has a fucking sigil on this show. Even he dead guys.

The episode ends with Jaime finally riding into the North, climbing down off his noble steed to fulfill his promise to fight for the living, and...

Your past sins have caught up with you, Jaime. 

[prydon]

a ( VERY LONG) long island geek rundown

aka me just rambling on about paul for paragraphs upon paragraphs, complete with pictures.

so i went to the con with the lovely @haiileyrutledge aka maggie who drove me all the way there from the philly bus station (god bless), it was our first time meeting in person and i still can’t really believe we did this just a few months after we were just kinda joking about going together on twitter when we hardly knew each other

literally the first second we walked into the con, before we’d even gotten our badges, paul mcgann was sitting RIGHT THERE at his autograph table and i may or may not have started aggressively hitting maggie in the shoulder and freaking out and hissing “he’s there, HE’S THERE” and she had to drag me past him so we could get our badges

then we sat in on the panel before his to make sure we got good seats for his. it was a panel with wendy padbury and frazer hines and they were adorable!! by the end of their panel we were literally buzzing tho bc we knew what was next

when paul came in the first thing he did was squint up at the ceiling and complain about the brightness of the lights, like “oh this is quite harsh isn’t it” so they turned them down for him, much to maggie’s chagrin bc she’s a photographer and it made it very hard to take nice photos (look forward to her uploading her photos btw, she got some GREAT shots regardless of lighting)

then we all sang happy birthday to paul, per the interviewer’s instructions! it was v cute. someone uploaded a video of it on youtube. (i took one too, but it was much worse quality)

first question the interviewer asked was what the secret to paul’s eternal youth was, which paul took a SUSPICIOUSLY long time thinking about before finally just claiming it was his insomnia. how not sleeping is supposed to make you look better i have no idea, but it’s clearly not hurting paul’s appearance, despite him “not having slept since the nineties” (his words)

and so on went the panel. it was quite fun, and though i’d heard almost all the anecdotes paul told before, they weren’t ones he’d told a million times and the interviewer asked interesting questions about his brothers and some of his earlier roles.

he also asked him about holby- the most recent episode, even- which i was not expecting lol. he asked paul if gaskell was really dead, and paul was just like “lol it’s a soap, who knows what could happen” and joked about another soap character whose death had turned out to be a dream. 

also of note is that paul never called gaskell by name once and exclusively referred to him as “doctor death” lmaooo. i actually know why this is- he mentioned on a radio show a week or so ago that a holby city fan yelled “doctor death!” at him in the street once- but he didn’t....explain this background to the panel audience, so i’m sure many were baffled by it :”D the interviewer was like “so your most recent role, professor john gaskell-” and paul was literally like “ah, yes. doctor death!” asoifjsaij what a dork

^ this pic is actually from the sunday panel but god, actual dork with a heart of gold paul mcgann being juxtaposed next to menacing shots of “doctor death” was never not hilarious 

speaking of holby, I GOT TO ASK HIM A QUESTION DURING THE Q & A, and i asked him what it was like working with guy henry! he said working with old friends is tough bc they know all your acting tricks lol. he went on gently roast guy and say he’s looked like he was 40 since they were at rada and that one of their professors told guy that he was the kind of person who wouldn’t find real success until he WAS like 40 bc he just had one of those faces, and lo and behold, that was case. notably, paul said all of this while holding eye contact with me since it was my question, and i was literally trembling by the end of his response bc i can barely hold eye contact with my family members let along PAUL JOHN MCGANN

he also said “fuck” at one point. at another he pulled the cap off his water bottle with his teeth and maggie and i were both like...*sweating*

after that we got our photo ops! then managed to get some food in us, and then i went to get paul’s autograph and give him his bday gift, which i already detailed here [x] so i won’t get into that. notably he also called maggie photogenic and said their photo op looked like a housewarming photo of a couple just moving in. we were both dying afterwards.

theeeen that evening i attended a dinner party for fans with vip passes that the stars also attended! the food was v yummy. there was ice cream too.

unfortunately i didn’t end up at paul’s table, but i was at the table next to him so i may have eavesdropped. my table had jon davey, who plays cybermen and daleks and ood etc, and who was very funny and decidedly attractive, and who at one point pulled out his phone and showed me this video while nearly dying of laughter over it

paul was actually late to the dinner because he crashed a painting panel!!

^ here’s him painting his tardis picture with his dorky ass reading glasses on. what an old man. i love him

he did show up eventually, and ended up drinking a decent amount of red wine and i’m pretty sure got tipsy and at one point misheard the person next to him as saying “penis hands” and was like “penis hands???? PENIS HANDS???”

all my table ended up leaving early but paul’s all stayed hanging on his every word bc that’s the effect he has on people :’)) so i ended up scooting over there just to listen. at one point his assistant came over and whispered to me that paul HAD gotten the letter i gave him with his gift and he WOULD read it tonight and i was like “omg no it’s ok, i didn’t need him to reply asap or anything, i just wanted him to have it!!”

i left the dinner when paul left- his table were the last ones out- and maggie was outside the dinner waiting for me and may have collapsed into a fit of giggles when she saw paul. then we went to our airbnb and fuckin CRASHED because we were so damn exhausted

on to SUNDAY

i started placing bets on what paul would be wearing that day on sunday morning, since i know he only has like three different con outfits that he wears. lo and behold we get to the con and he’s wearing THE EXACT SAME CLOTHES AS SATURDAY. like, down to the scarf and shoes. they were 100% the same.

idk why he was, but he must have washed them, or he must be an ethereal being incapable of sweating because he was just as nice and fresh as the previous day [shrug]

we wandered around the dealer’s room for a bit, maggie bought a vinyl from a charity sale booth and i bought a couple dwms with bb eight on them bc why not

my lovely internet friends and fellow paul superfans @savageinkspillage and @paulmcgannlesbian both paid me to buy them autographs, and i was happy to oblige because it meant i got to talk to paul again

i went up to his booth and he said “good to see you again!!” and told me he was so touched by the birthday card :”0 and thanked me again for the drawing!

i told him what names to sign to for the autographs and there was an incredible moment where i told him to address one to “brittany” and his brain like. short-circuited and he tried to spell it out to me except he spelled it some ridiculous white mom way like “B-R-I-T-N-I-Y” or something and i just stared at him for a moment not sure if he was fucking with me before being like “.....no?”

once i told him “two t’s” he got it and said “like the place!!” and asked me if i knew where brittany was in a stern teacher voice and i was p sure it was france but not 100% so i was just like “d-don’t quiz me”

he also let me take pictures of him holding the autographs that i could send to my friends, which was very sweet!! here’s him with @savageinkspillage‘s.

he was very determined that we let them dry before taking them because he didn’t want them to be smudged, and blew gently on them himself like a dork.

before we could go, he also fully just was like “give me a hug” and got up and hugged me AGAIN. THREE PAUL MCGANN HUGS IN ONE WEEKEND. T H R E E.

then after he hugged me he noticed the bowie vinyl that maggie had just bought in the dealer’s room and was like “!!!!!! is that a vinyl!!!! can i see!!!”

maggie was like “of course” and handed it over and he was FAWNING over the thing and promptly informed us that it was definitely an original print bc it was made of a special sort of material only used to make records in the 70s, and that it had never been played. maggie said she got it for $10 and he was like “TEN BUCKS??”

he also sniffed it because apparently “that’s what you did with vinyls” and took it out of its sleeve (with maggie’s permission) and freakin’ messed with it to show us how bendy the materal was before giving it back to maggie and emphatically telling her to “treasure that”.

he asked us where we got it and i said it was at a table in the dealer’s room, next to where they were keeping his painting from the night before. upon hearing about the painting he was immediately like “noooo don’t remind me of that!! i’m so ashamed!!” and i was like “WTH PAUL NO IT WAS SO GOOD”

here’s paul’s painting!! it’s lovely!!

also at one point maggie’s hoop earring fell out and full on, like, made a break for paul mcgann and rolled behind his chair. she was embarrassed but he just picked it up and messed with it, feigning putting it on his ear and saying he wished he was a girl so he could wear earrings like that and i was like “you should get your ears pierced!” because he SHOULD. he just laughed.

we literally had a whole, like, probably 10 minute conversation with him and he was just so lovely and funny and warm and thanked me one last time for the drawing before we walked away soasifjsaoifj 

THEN it was time for his sunday panel!! it was a great change of pace from usual panels, it was called “doctor’s orders” and run by a podcaster who’d based it on advice columns- basically, he asks paul a bunch of questions looking for advice that he’d gathered from fans and paul had to impart his wisdom.

here are just a few choice tidbits from the panel:

q: what do i do if my boyfriend never puts the toilet seat down? paul: get rid of him

q: there are beehives in my house, what do i do?? paul: don’t kill them!! bees are our friends. move out. let the bees have the house instead

q: boxers or briefs? paul: briefs. *pointed look at audience* some of us need the support.

he was asked the trolley problem and said without hesitation that he would move the trolley to kill the one instead of the five. he also endorsed stealing from businesses to feed the hungry (unsurprising because *cough* he’s a socialist). he revealed that he shoplifted all the time as a kid as a right of passage in working class liverpool and asked the audience to raise their hands if they’d ever shoplifted. when a decent amount did, he called it a sign of a healthy society. he doted on his sons quite a bit which was adorable, and said he was the “soft touch” when they were growing up while mum was bad cop.

at one point he said if liverpool won the premiere league he’d “sit naked here in front of you” and then immediately was like “...i don’t know why i said that.” the audience was roaring with laughter the entire time. it was legitimately the funnest panel i’ve ever been too :’0 and we had front row seats!!

at the end, the host opened the panel up to the audience to ask their advice questions, and maggie asked one about how to survive while studying abroad in london next year. paul gently ribbed her at first being like “well, remember to sleep and eat” but then reassured her “you’ll be fine” and i could physically feel her melting beside me.

after the panel he chatted a bit with the women next to us, who i know to be old guards of paul mcgann fandom. i didn’t hear much but i did hear paul refer to “that brexit shit” lol.

the last time maggie and i saw paul, he seemed to be leaving the con and nearly tripped over a remote control cybermat on the way out, which was cute.

all in all...i really don’t have words for how amazing this was. i couldn’t have asked for a better environment to meet my favorite actor in, and i have gained so many wonderful memories that i can’t even keep track of them all, and i can’t wait to do it again.

[nyangibun]

I know we shouldn't go to the Antis that shall not be named but I just saw a post abt how Jonsas are just Sansa stans who demonise D and don't understand J (UCL Jon) and then someone else came in and apparently we don't understand Sansa either: we don't know her motives or what she wants for the future and just use her for a self insert character and I'm SCREAMING 😂😂😂

Hahahahahahaha 😂 😂 😂

Omg Anonny, why would you do that to yourself?

Okay, I will happily admit that sometimes there’s a fair bit of reaching in the fandom, but it’s almost always acknowledged as tinfoil and just for fun. But the actual true-to-the-story metas are so well-researched and backed up by solid show and/or textual evidence and they are frankly amazing. The people in this fandom understand these characters so much better than the side that must not be named. 

What great catastrophe do they say that make us unable to understand Jon? The UCL? Sorry if we prefer our Jon Snow to be a three-dimensional consistently written character, who would do anything for the North and who wouldn’t put so-called ‘love’ over his duties to his people and family. The one we saw lie his way into the wildling’s trust and Ygritte’s and betrayed them for the Night’s Watch. Sorry if we want to believe that all the character development and the constant warnings against being a Northern fool like Robb and Ned was actually heard and not thrown by the wayside. Sorry if we prefer Northern independence over a Targ restoration. 

How about Sansa? Are we seriously mischaracterising her when we say she’s a strong and capable ruler? That we believe her to be the younger, more beautiful queen to Cersei’s prophecy? Or that she should one day rule the North as their queen? And that we want her to do all that while finding the love she so badly desired as a young girl and believed as an adult that she would never find? So sorry. We must be mischaracterising her for the foolish, naive, power-hungry, cold-hearted bitch the rest of the fandom seems to think she is.

And demonise D? Because we don’t want a Targ restoration where a stranger has come to violently conquer Westeros? Oh you know what? I can’t even be arsed with my sarcastic comments here because I literally just wrote a whole meta on this lizard pyromaniac and I’m bored of her.  

So hey anti’s? Maybe stop stalking us. I know we’re super cool and shit but like… maybe go do something else with your life.

[itbethatwaysometime]

Some of Your Own Advice

Relationship: Frank Castle x Karen Page

Summary: Frank’s back. And he decides to stay.

Words: 3.6k (I got a little carried away) 

Warnings: some swearing, mentions of injuries, a lot of blood and some stitches, angsty as hell, fluff at the end.

A/N: OK. I have fallen in love with this ship so hard omg, the way Jon Berthnal plays The Punisher KiLLS me. And him and Karen paired together is just the emotional roller coaster that I just love diving into. Anyways, it took my a really long time to write this but I’m happy with how it ended up. Hope you do too! Xx

Six months. Six months since she last saw him on the edge of that roof top. Six months since her life resumed full-speed. Six months and her mind still lingered on Frank Castle.

Her job at the Bulletin was full-time in every way. She was rarely home, her apartment, a pit stop. She finally saved up the money to get herself a new one that was surprisingly spacious despite the low price. Boxes still littered her home, unpacked. It might say something about her unwillingness to let go of the past, but she never dwelled on it too long.

Her friendship with Matt was rocky at best. Once the anger had simmered down, she found that him being the Daredevil didn’t bother her all that much. The little talk they had over coffee was awkward, but it relieved a bit of the weight on her shoulders once she found herself joking with him. She went out for drinks at Josie’s once or twice a month with Foggy to catch up. She was proud of him, he was the new hotshot lawyer, taking big cases and winning them.

As for her, she’s been working her ass off and has a permanent case of sore feet ever since she started chasing leads herself. Someone had to do it, and she definitely took matters into her hands.

She groaned at the scattered files and papers at her desk. She had been following a sex trafficking ring for well over a month now and all her leads are dead ends. The facts don’t add up and the victims are still being taken away.

She pulls open the bottom drawer of her old desk, digging through old files hoping that  she’d find something. But, instead of finding a list of names from a previous stunt she find the skull x-ray of the infamous Punisher, Frank Castle.

She sighs and sits back in her chair. It’s been awhile since she’s thought about him. She did think that was he was doing was definitely the most unethical thing possible, but she also new that Hell’s Kitchen had need for his… methods.

Ellison knocked on her office door telling her to go home from the night. Staring at her screen for another hour isn’t exactly going to help.

She shrugs her purse over her shoulder and hails a cab.

The three story walk up to her apartment is excruciating as her feet scream for sweet relief.

She fumbles around with her keys and finally unlocks the door. The inside of her apartment is pitch black as she kicks of her feels, feeling along the wall to flick on the lights.

She turns around and what she sees makes her yelp and grab her .380.

There, in the middle, stood Frank Castle. His large frame taking up all the space. Immediately, there’s a hand on her mouth and she’s pushed roughly against the wall. His huge body up against hers.

She breathes hard against his rough, calloused hand as he gently shushes her, surprised by just how gentle he was.

“Sh. Sh. It’s just me.” Once she’s quieted down, he lets go and steps back.

“What the fuck are you doing here Frank.”She spits angrily at him. He doesn’t react though, he stays composed except for a raised eyebrow.

She stalks towards him, throwing her purse to the side.

“You were gone for six FUCKING months and you just show up?”

“Ma’am, I’m sorry about the Schoonover thing-” He starts apologizing, his gaze on her.

“You think I give a shit about Schoonover right now?” Now, that gets a reaction out of him. He furrows his brows and stares down at the floor trying to figure out what just came out of her mouth.

“Are you angry at the fact that I was gone or the fact that I came back?” His voice was rough and gravelly, as if the words were a struggle to get out.

There’s a tense pause. Where the only sound was Karen’s heavy breathing. His eyes remained steady on hers, she couldn’t find the power within her to pull away.

He just stood there, waiting, watching, reading her like an open book. She guesses that’s why she enjoyed his company so much. He never lied, but he also just knew what needed to be said or what needed to be done just by looking, observing.

She whispers it, and he barely hears it. “That you were gone.” She runs a nervous hand through her hair and walks past him to make some coffee. She knows he’d want a cup, so she doesn’t even ask.

He sits down on a barstool and the only sign physical sign of any emotion is the rhythmic tapping of his trigger finger on the edge of the table.

She lets the silence settle like a blanket over them, the whistle of the coffee machine as loud as a sledgehammer in her home.

“You know. It should be the second one.” He says quietly. “You shouldn’t- you shouldn’t want me back, Page.” A tremor betraying his voice.

She pours the steaming hot coffee into two mugs and hands one to him.

“Then why are you here?”

“Two men were trailing you.” He says, anger flaring up inside, he clenches the mug tightly in his fist.

She isn’t shocked. She’s been poking around places she shouldn’t, digging around for classified information that involves dangerous and powerful people. She doesn’t ask whether they are dead or not, she knows the answer to that. She can see it in the taut muscles of his shoulders. In the clench of his fist and the sharp intake of breath he took mentioning the two men. She noticed these things. The small things. The things that mattered most, especially with Frank.

“Do you want some cookies with that?” She saw him relax a bit, relieved she wouldn’t have to deal with an even colder side of him. “They’re the ginger snap ones.”

He smiles a small smile, almost a ghost, recalling the memory of Karen telling him how she hid in the broom closet with her cookies.

“Gosh, Frank Jr. He was trouble, that kid. Shit. He’d- He’d put all those damned cookies in there. Because of that stupid TV show he made me watch with him every Sunday morning. Sesame Street. He was in love with the friggin’ cookie monster. And, God, Lisa would steal them just to get to him.” He starts laughing quietly. Sadness overtaking his handsome features.

She starts giggling quietly at the thought of Frank, the Punisher, being forced onto a couch by a little boy to watch Sesame Street. She looks up at him and sees that look. That look she just doesn’t understand. She’d caught him looking at her like that a handful of times only, and every single time, it made the tips of her ears red and her toes tingle.

She smiles at him, she likes it when he remembers. She sees a glimpse of who he had been before. Despite what he said, he had a face made for smiling. Even the little ones prove that right. The way his eyes would crinkle at the corners or how he had deep smile lines and dimples. How is eyes would light up when he’d talk about his kids or his wife. She respects that, their memory, the pain that it brings him, the sorrow.

“Tell me more.” She can still feel a bit of the anger simmering within, but she deems it a waste of time. This is more important. He’s more important. He breathes in deeply, debating whether or not he should just leave, get out of her life. But, he doesn’t.

“You know, Maria. She uh, every Sunday, she’d make us a big ass breakfast. Didn’t matter if she was pissed at me, or the kids were annoying her, she always did it. Always.” At first, there was a lot of hesitation, pauses, but once he got going, the stories flowed easily, the smiles showed up more frequently, and laughter happened more often.

It was with a lighter conscious and a soaring heart that Frank leaves that morning, when the sun was nearly up.

“Goodbye, Frank. Be careful.” She says, sincerely, her hand hovering, deciding against laying a hand on his forearm.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He replies, that look she doesn’t understand looking at her.

His heavy footsteps echoed through the hallway as she slides the door shut.

She knows that asking him about his family was deflection, but it was needed. That man lived with a heart made out of lead and it wasn’t getting any lighter. Tonight he just, felt like he couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about why he came back. Why he came back to her, in particular. She ignored the butterflies floating around in her stomach at the prospect. The Punisher doesn’t love. But maybe Frank Castle does.

He doesn’t show up on a schedule. He just shows up whenever he wants. Sometimes he’s there before she gets home from work and has takeout and coffee. Sometimes he waits on her fire escape and knocks on the window. On really bad days, she’d get a text that would say to join him on the roof.

Another six months pass, a rocky six months, but a whole lot better than the six before.

This time she hears a thump on her door she rarely opens it  without a gun but she hears him groan a :”It’s me, Ma’am.”

She swings the door open and finds him leaning heavily against the wall, blood dripping on the door mat.

“Oh my god, Frank.” It’s not the first time she’s seen him bloody, but it leaves a pang in her chest every time.

“Bathtub.” With that he practically topples onto her and she barely keeps her knees from buckling under his weight. She half drags half pulls Frank into her bathtub and reaches for her first aid kit that has been equipped with more than the basic since she started dealing with dangerous crowds.

“Take this off” She starts gingerly pulling at his heavy duty jacket, hoping he doesn’t have a shoulder injury.

“Dislocated shoulder, popped it back in.” He mutters while helping her. She gags a little.

His black shirt is soaked in blood. She sees that he has a hard time lifting his left arm up and just goes to cut it.

“Here, this’ll be easier.” She cuts down the front of his shirt revealing three large gashes on his right side and a deep bullet graze on his left.

She has to look away for a few moments, willing herself not to vomit, keeping whatever Indian takeout she ate earlier in her stomach.

“All four of these are going to need stitches and I’m not good at them.”

“It’s alright, Ma’am, it won’t hurt any more than when I got’em.” She sighs at the absurdity of the situation, but exits the bathroom to get herself a bottle of whiskey to steady her hands.

“Ok, I’m good.” He chuckles at the wince she makes after drinking a large sip.

She grabs the antiseptic wipes and gently passes over them. She knows how much this hurts, but Frank goes through without complaint, only a wince and groan every once in awhile to indicate any discomfort.

“You know, you’re only the second person to receive the Karen Page stitches treatment.” She declares, after preparing the thread and sterilizing the needle.

“Was the first on Red?” He asks, gruffly.

“Ya,” she laughs,” he uh, cut himself with a knife while trying to cook.” She starts stitching, earning a wince from Frank. “Sorry.”

“ S’alright. So you didn’t hold on with both hands?” Recalling the conversation in the diner.

She chuckles sadly, but pleased with herself that her hands aren’t shaking as much. “It’s hard to hold on with both hands when he’s actively in love with someone else.”

She could feel him tense under her hands, his breathing coming out a little harder.

“Well, Altar boy’s an idiot.” She’s taken aback by his statement, her hands stilling. Does that mean?… No, it can’t be.

She continues to do the stitches quietly, trying to do them as neat as possible.

After maybe an hour and a half  she’s done all four.

She grabs some gauze and some tape and starts bandaging all the cuts making sure they don’t irritate his skin. The whole time he’s  just watching her with that look she doesn’t understand. The one that makes the tips of her ears red and her toes curl.

Once done , she stands up and grabs a towel and wets it with warm water. Hey, he asked her to take care of him and she wasn’t going to do this half-assed.

“Ma’am, I can do that on my own.” His dark eyes watching her movements.

“You wanted me to help, I’m helping.”

She gently swipes at his forehead, wiping the blood away. Running the cloth over the sides of his nose, treading extremely gently under his eyes where there are two bruises that are as dark as night. She goes over his cheekbones and the swell of his lip.

She couldn’t help but admire how good he looked, despite the bruises, the cuts and the blood. If he noticed the sharp intake of breathe, he probably took it as a reaction to all the gore. But it wasn’t. By the time, she got to going over his chest, he had practically fallen asleep over her shoulder. She liked the steady weight of him, it reassured her, comforted her. Is that what he’d become? The Punisher, the man who killed criminals mercilessly was now dozing off on her shoulder in the confines of her bathroom. He had become her failsafe, her life line and she couldn’t help but wonder if she was his.

Once she was done, she gently shook him awake. “Take a shower, I’ll be back with some clothes. Towels are in the cabinet on top.”

He stared at her with a mix of confusion and bewilderment before she left.

She scoured her closet for an XXL shirt she really liked sleeping in hoping it’d fit the broad expanse of his shoulders. She closed her eyes in relief when she found a pair of men’s sweatpants at the bottom of her drawers that could’ve belonged to a one night stand.

When she heard the water stop, she knocked on the door and earned a grunt in response.

He opens the door half way, steam escaping the gap. She sadly catches herself staring. He was shirtless before, but now she noticed. His broad chest, the chiseled muscles and the protruding collar bones. He was holding a towel around his waist only showing off the V of his hips.

She clears her throat, seeing him with a smug smirk on his lips. “Here’s the only stuff i could find.”

“Ma’am, I don’t wear sweatpants.” She rolls her eyes.

“You’re going to have to tough it tonight, Marine.” And he smiles at that, a small one, but a smile nonetheless. She beams with pride. He takes the clothing from her and shuts the door.

It’s well past 4 AM but she goes to make another pot of fresh coffee. She was going to have to be in the office in five hours, might as well make one now. She hears him scuffling around in the small bathroom.

She hears the soft padding of his feet on the wooden floors. He walks up to the counter, rubbing a rough hand over his short hair. She couldn’t help but admire the slightly too tight fit of his shirt. No shame in that, he looked like a man who worked out… even if it was for his… nightly activities.

She clears her throat and hands him a mug, he hums appreciatively. She had a million questions buzzing around in her mind, but she knew that if she asked the wrong one, he’d back out and leave.

“How?” A a bit of tension leaves his body, now that she’s asked whatever she’d wanted to ask. This was ok, this was safe territory, he could work with this.

“There were more than I expected, but for once they were smart about it. Lined up real nice and shit.” He sips a little bit of his coffee.

“Hmm.” Is all she responds with. There’s not much else to say. She knows what job he was working on. She’s been keeping tabs on him and he’s been very kindly keeping her updated. He convinces himself it’s to give her leads, but it’s mostly to warn her and keep her out of harm’s way, even if the danger comes to Karen Page, or vice versa.

“Have you seen Red lately?” He asks, catching her off guard. Her eyebrows raise slightly at the sudden change of subject and how he’s suddenly so… talkative. Normally, she always asked the question and he answered with grunts, curt nods and the occasional Yes, Ma’am, No Ma’am, Please, Mrs. Page…

“No, I haven’t. We haven’t really… Is he bothering you?” Sh.  e knows that they bump into each other during their escapades, and probably gets a lecture just like her.

“Ya. He gave me the new shiner. Fuckin’ Altar Boy.” He sees the flickers of emotion pass through her face, anger, surprisingly, he still can’t wrap is head around the fact that Karen even cares enough to be angry, and then, the most adorable little snort passes through her lips. A giggle is pulled out of the cute blonde and she tries to hide it with the back of her hand.

“Sorry, it’s just. Altar Boy.” She snickers, she knows she’s being ridiculous. She’s heard him call Matt that before, it’s just the way he says it that was so funny. As if, saying the words insulted him.

“Ya, he was up on the roofs with me, his catholic righteous ass. No killing tonight, Frank.” He says, doing the most incredible impression Karen has ever witnessed. She’s gaping at him with her mouth wide open and blue eyes shining bright. And then she busts out laughing. Honest to god laughter, that resonates deep in his chest. She’s clutching her stomach, tears of happiness threatening to spill.

“Oh my god, do it- do it again” She asks, now staring at him intently and giggling like a little girl.

God, her smile. And just to see her laugh again, just to see a smile grace those beautiful lips, he gets up, and pretends to be Matt Murdock.

“You know he’s all - Frank, not tonight. And he does the thing with the stick.” And mimics the movement and now Karen is laughing so hard she’s fallen off the chair and clutching her stomach and while it dies down Frank’s just looking at her. The way she’s learned to like, the way that sent tingles down her spine.

And for a while they stay silent. Frank’s deep in thought, his eyes trailing over her. She’s become his lifeline, his salvation. She’s this bright white light in the consuming darkness that is his life. Lately, he’s been teetering off the edge. On the face of a cliff, fighting to find purchase. But, she, this stubborn, smart, gorgeous, beautiful strong woman was the only thing keeping him together.

And that realisation hadn’t hit him like a truck, it didn’t drop kick him in the chest and hit him the face like one of Red’s fucking batons. It just was. She just became the thing he needed. Maybe, he should’ve seen it coming, the way he always came back,  should’ve been some sort of indication. But, she just slipped into whatever was left of his life so seamlessly.

And he liked it, no, he loved it. And he wasn’t supposed too. He said it that night too, I won’t ever feel that again. But, shit, he fucking does. Every time he sees her strawberry blonde hair and her pretty blue eyes. Every time she walks in after a hard day of work and makes him coffee anyways. Every time she makes him remember and every time she’s there.

Suddenly, she’s really close to him, in his face. “Hey, where did you go?” She asks, and she says it with so much emotion, so much kindness, like someone who cared. And who in their right mind would care about him, no one. But, she did, and that’s all that mattered.

He looks up and stares straight into her eyes. Then, he looks up at the ceiling, sending a prayer up to Maria. Deep down, he knew that she’d be happy for him.

He looked back at Karen, his Karen and slips a rough calloused hand onto her cheek and slides into the back of her hair. She leans into it with the softest sigh that he swears sounds like angel’s wings.

“Tell me to stop.” He says, his voice low, rough and so raw. She opens her eyes again, slowly. He oh so gently cups her face into his hands and rubs a thumb over her cheekbones. “Tell me to go away and that I’m bad for you.” And all she does is look at him with those sparkling doe eyes and she smiles.

“Never.” And he smiles back, and it doesn’t feel foreign anymore, not with her. He pulls her to him and places the gentlest of kisses to her rosy pink lips. And it’s everything he’s imagined it to be. They’re soft and warm, and she feels so, so real. And he can’t stop. It’s soft and innocent, but it means so much, it’s pouring any words left unsaid and any emotions left untold.

And maybe, just maybe, this time, he’d take his own advice… he’d hold on, hold on with both hands and never let her go

@kcstles @kteague

[jonsa-creatives]

Promt: Sansa sees Jon in the crypts choking LF and gets really hot. Hope that's okay to ask for. Thank you

for you @deansdarling1283 ! Hope this is ok! Not really dom/sub and actually a little bit of fluff but I may continue this series into a multi-chapter fic with more dom/sub stuff because I LOVE(x infinity) dom/dark Jon… *gasps* omg look at what you made me do! LOL

Unbeta’d so pardon if any mistakes.. A little excerpt of a continuation based S7x02 and from the anon prompt that inspired Winter in Our Bones, Fire in Our Hearts :) 

*Spoiler alert for the bits of borrowed dialogue from S7x02 between LF and Jon from the crypt scene*

Rated slightly M for strong language.

*mood music & inspired by Crazy In Love (Remix) by Beyonce*

Return to Me

Sansa bristled at the thought how Jon scurried about getting ready to leave for White Harbour and yet there had been no word of him seeking her private audience to say goodbye. Didn’t she deserve at least a word or two after all that they had been through together?

After that night, when he took her pressed against the wall, her lips crying out his name and more…  And now he was going to leave her. Leave whatever they had started. She wasn’t ready to let go yet. Not in the hands of a Dragon Queen whom they kept calling beautiful. Jon was hers as she was his and there could be no one else who would stand in between. She couldn’t imagine anyone else touching her but Jon. His hands, his mouth, his cock… could do nothing wrong. They all belonged to her and hers only.

A dull ache came from deep within her and it pierced her heart and soul, how she may never see him again. Tears welled up in her eyes and Sansa blinked, wiping away hastily, hoping no one would notice.

No, I must see him. I have to. I need to. I don’t want him to go.. maybe he’ll change his mind. I’ll make him change his mind.

“Brienne, I have to say goodbye to Jon. Do you know where he is?” Sansa turned to the lady knight and her squire who accompanied closely behind.

“I believe I saw him walk into the crypts, my Lady,” Podrick came to Brienne’s rescue when she gave Sansa a blank look.

“Alone?”

“Aye, I did not see anyone with him, my Lady.”

“All right. Well.. I have to say goodbye to him - “ Sansa clutched at her furs draped around her neck, slightly nervous at the thought of heading to the tombs. It was a dark place that only reminded her of death, pain and regret. 

“Alone,” Sansa added quietly to Brienne who was ready to follow. The lady knight only nodded and watched as Sansa made her way down. 

“You don’t belong down here,” Jon growled at the thin beady eyed gentleman. This was a sacred space for him and scum like Littlefinger was defilement with his presence.

“Forgive me. We have never talked.. properly. I wanted to remedy that,” Petyr Baelish offered as he turned his attention to Jon. There was nothing more Jon wished to say, hoping Lord Baelish would leave him be. There was a lot on his mind and in his heart, as Jon quietly begged for forgiveness from Ned Stark looking on at his statue that stood tall and regal. 

Forgive me, Lord Stark. Forgive me, Father. If I die this time, it would be an atonement… For what I did to Sansa. Watch over her and Winterfell.

Jon sighed, in an attempt to release the growing tension that had fastened onto his entire being. “I’ve nothing to say to you,” Jon snarled and gave a polite smile as he turned to leave. There was something on the tip of Littlefinger’s tongue but Jon was not in the mood for it.

“Not even thank you?”

It stopped Jon dead in his tracks. He took in another deep breath.

 I dare you to continue, you scum.

“If it weren’t for me, you would’ve been slaughtered at that battlefield. You have many enemies, my King, but I swear to you… I’m not one of them,” Petyr continued. A storm of emotions and rage rose rapidly inside Jon, feeling his face hot and twitching uncomfortably at the drawl of a man who sold his beloved Sansa to enemies that killed their family.

“…I love Sansa.. as I loved her mother..”

Jon’s fists clenched at hearing her name drip from Petyr’s lips and it was all but a blur, when his hands flew to clutch firmly at the silk clothed throat and pinned the small man hard against the wall. It was easy considering how puny and afraid he was and how much of an enraged, jealous monster Jon had become. 

Sansa… is mine. 

Petyr pulled away desperately at the choking clamp on his neck, failing miserably as Jon stared down at him, his grey eyes growing dark with fury. Any second longer, Petyr’s neck would snap in two.

“Touch my sister… and I’ll kill you myself.”

Jon huffed as he finally released his grip and gave the Lord of Harrenhal a final look of warning before taking leave of his company. Petyr frantically gasped for air and inhaled deep breaths, adjusting his collar as he made his way out as calmly as he could muster. He hoped no one had seen their exchange, though it seemed highly peculiar at how Jon behaved at the mere mention of his sister. 

It had seemed peculiar too, and dangerous - to Sansa, when she caught sight of Jon choking Littlefinger when he mentioned her name. Perhaps she wasn’t meant to see it but it made her glad that she did. It brought her hunger and aching need for Jon to dizzying heights; oh, how it sent her heart racing and the growing dampness to settle in between her thighs. Oh, Jon…

It was dangerous because Littlefinger was a cunning and sly man and nothing would get past him; dangerous because Sansa found herself in love with Jon and it was clear he felt the same - and finally, dangerous for both of them should they be found out. The North never forgets. And for what they have done, the North may never forgive.

One day that snake of a man will die and I will make sure of it.

“Jon.” 

He turned to see a a head of fiery red locks and pleading blue eyes calling out to him from behind the stone walls. Jon wished to say goodbye but he wasn’t comfortable with farewells, especially not with Sansa. His heart yearned to stay but his honour compelled him to deal with the greater threat at hand. He would protect the North, Winterfell and Sansa at all costs, whatever it took. The North would always be a part of him and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for it. And for Sansa. 

She would make a wonderful Queen someday.

Jon glanced around him quickly and walked over to Sansa. The memory of her scent, her heat wrapped around him was still fresh in his mind. How he ached for her once more.

Sansa pulled him into the crypts and sealed the gates shut. 

“Sansa… I have to go. You know I have to. I wanted to say goodbye but-”

“I saw you and Littlefinger.”

“Sansa.. what you saw.. It was just-”

“There’s no one else who will have me but you, my King, if you must know,” Sansa whispered as her hands slowly made her way to him and grabbed his cloak, pulling him closer. 

“Sansa…” Jon muttered her name in one breath. And in the next, their mouths clashed and Sansa felt herself melting in his arms as he wrapped them firmly around her. 

“Come back to me,” Sansa sighed as she pressed her forehead against his.

“I will-”

“Promise me, you’ll come back home. Our home, Jon. I will be waiting for you, my King… Return to me,” Sansa continued and shut her eyes tightly, silently praying in her heart as those words echoed in her mind.

“Aye, my Queen. I will. I promise. Always, for you.”

*Sorry this went a little long! I’ve resigned to the fact that I will never be able to fill prompts that are 300 words or less…

[dialux]

I would like to read the crack version of if you try to break me now. :D

A list of things that were in the crack version:

When Sansa tells Jon that he died and came back his immediate reaction is every fourteen year old boy’s reaction: try to kill himself and find out.

Robb locks him in his room for a week to stop him

However many times Sansa tells him that they need a Red Priestess for it to work, Jon still goes around with a death wish.

lmao headcanon that Jon hates heights but after Sansa tells him this he goes batshit insane and becomes another Bran

Sansa goes to Queenscrown and basically breaks the Night’s Watch with a flip of her hair.

I mean she basically has a threesome with Jon and Dolorous Edd while there and it’s all very sexy up until Edd starts his usual spiel of pain and agony 

I mean to say that Sansa brings the Watch under Stark rule

(But! She totes enjoys banging Edd and Jon together! She always asks to go to the Wall every year for the rest of their marriage! Jon hates it and loves it at the same time!)

I continuously refer to LF as Petyr Littlefinger because that is a hilarious name to me. I… think there might be a few times I even call him that in the actual story that I didn’t catch while I was editing, lol.

I already talked about Jon thinking he was Lyanna and Ned’s son in that other post. It was fucking beautiful and I made @eolaseadrom shriek at me for three full days about it lmao

Some ppl have talked to me about how they want Arya to be with Gendry at the end of the series but I am rly certain that Arya’s going to be half in love with Ygritte ever after she got threatened with an arrow that one time

Arya and Jon have a couple similar kinks

Ygritte’s got a thing for Stark faces

It’s a match made in fucking heaven

Catelyn’s adventures on trying to get Robb to marry, and Robb’s increasingly desperate attempts to tell her to go away without, you know, actually telling her that.

(There’s like half of a thing written about how everyone else knows that Robb’s uninterested, but because he’s an asshole all the Starks keep quiet)

Bran Stark and the ‘Oh, Okay, I Might Actually be More Gay Than I Thought’ Feeling

with the thrilling sequel: Bran Stark and the Terrible Feeling of Crushing on Both Reed Siblings Simultaneously

and the ending to the trilogy: Bran Stark and the Idea That ‘It’s Okay They’re Really Hot and I Can Talk to Trees Now, My Life Cannot Get Weirder, I’ll Just Stay in Greywater Watch and Torment Myself’

Sansa, Ned and Jon light a fire in the middle of the godswood and burn their clothes after escaping the Lannisters. They dance around it like they’re in LOTF and let’s just say that was scarring for the rest of the Starks. Rickon never looks at Ned the same way again.

Asha just starts stealing Margaery for travels when she gets bored. After the first three times, the Tyrells just- stop worrying. “Hey Garlan where’s Marge d’you know?” “Nah dad but there was a ship from the Iron Islands this morning and there’s a guy in the docks who’s losing his teeth and was almost gelded, so.” “Ah, alright, give it a couple weeks then she’ll be back.”

Wylla/Alys, THE CRACKSHIP THAT IS THE TRUE OTP I DID NOT EXPECT GOING INTO THIS FIC AND FANDOM OMG, THE SHIP I ACTUALLY KEPT IN BECAUSE IT STOLE MY HEART SO MUCHHH

idk man I love the idea of Jon slowly growing to hate Rickon

Rickon loves it a bit too much

I think?? there was a fic?? somewhere?? about how rickon would kick jon out of bed because he thought that jon/sansa sexytimes were hurting his sister. the idea that he’d do that as an adult just- ENDS ME 

Tywin’s reaction to the Battle of Valkyries is… AMAZEBALLS

think absolute utter silence and then a lot of cursing

and also some ‘what the fuck I sent out jaime to do one GD thing’

Also Sansa spends a lot of time cutting Lady’s claws into triangle shapes like she’s a fuckin water polo player 

Actual excerpt: Hercare for Lady, her direwolf, had suddenly become of paramount importance: Sansabrushed her coat and trimmed her nails as usual, but when Catelyn inspectedcloser, Lady’s claws hadn’t been clipped so much as honed; they were small,needle-like knives that didn’t appear to be there unless one looked closely.

Foursome with Oberyn and Ellaria and Sansa and Jon

Honestly someone write me that. I’d pretty much shriek forevahhh about it because jesus above. The hotness. Who’s the hottest one in that foursome? Jon? Sansa? Oberyn? Ellaria? THEY’RE ALL EQUALLY HOT IT’S TOO MUCH FOR MY POOR MIND TO COMPREHEND

uhm I’m pretty sure there’s other things I’ve not talked about but like there’s a lot of funny stuff in the fic itself?

“Garth Greenhand-” Sansa exhaled sharply, and slumped into her seat. “He’s a legend, Jon. We can’t use that as a basis for our government.”

Is this a reference to Monty Python? Yes, yes it is.

“According to all the rumors, you and Queen Sansa don’t fight.” He winked. “Tell me, how do you manage that? Lesser men wish to know.”“By being respectful of her demands,” Jon said flatly. “We talk, Prince Oberyn. My apologies if your lesser men have no knowledge of such.”

because lbr Jon fucking hates Oberyn and is also rly confused by his feelings for Oberyn and is even more horny because his wife’s being all HOT AND QUEENLY but she’s too busy to bone him and also everyone knows that southron air is adrift with sex pollen so like?? Who knows?? If Oberyn had stayed for a couple more days???? 

Foursome time y’all

Sansa dumps a bucket of water on Jon because she’s mad at him

Sansa and Arya literally reconcile over killing people. I expected more readers to be surprised by this, but everyone just took it in stride and I just- okay alright i guess you do you y’all

Also Sansa ties Jon up in the first fucking chapter and nobody commented on it being kinky which I was......... really kinda disappointed by

This is me this is my life and these are my fucking choices. You have chosen whom you have chosen to follow. 

Lmao Sansa and Jon chase Robb out of Winterfell by being too okay with public sex. AGAIN NOBODY THOUGHT THIS OUT OF CHARACTER.

like, he literally goes and rebuilds a centuries’ old castle that’s not been needed for centuries all because he cannot stand being in the same place as Sansa and Jon

the real reason why bran tortures himself by staying in greywater watch: it’s not worse than being with Jon and Sansa in Winterfell

Anyways if I think of more cracky things I’ll add. And if I ever get around to actually pulling together the sentence-fragments of scenes I have for this, I’ll add that as well.

[parkswoojin]

question tag ~

once again i was tagged by @ongsecngwoo so thank you for tagging me ginny (again) 💓

THE LAST

drink: water 

phone call: my mom

text message: me and my brother were sending each other memes

song you listened to: snsd - one last time

time you cried: monday gfdhsjka i got a little emo because of wanna one’s debut

HAVE YOU EVER

dated someone twice: nononono

kissed someone and regretted it: nope

been cheated on: no

lost someone special: i don’t think so ??

been depressed: :)

gotten drunk and thrown up: listen i’m a good child who doesn’t drink while underage 

3 FAVORITE COLORS

black

pale blue

purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

made new friends: yes i have and it makes me so happy fhdjsk 

fallen out of love: i’ve never been in love to begin with lol

laughed until you cried: i do that all the time 

found out someone was talking about you: hmm no i don’t think so

met someone who changed you: not really

found out who your friends are: i guess

kissed someone on your Facebook list: dear lord no

GENERAL

how many Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’m pretty sure i know all of them

do you have any pets: yes !! i have a cat and a dog and i love them it’s one sided though at least when it comes to the cat fgdhsj

do you want to change your name: i used to for the longest time but i don’t anymore 

what did you do for your last birthday: my family came over and i hung out with my friends, nothing fancy haha

what time did you wake up: 10am

what were you doing at midnight last night: idk probably suffering

name something you can’t wait for: my wanna one albums to arrive, jbj’s debut, pristin’s comeback, the day my cat will finally love me back

when was the last time you saw your mom: like a minute ago

what are you listening to right now: jon bellion - morning in america

have you ever talked to a person named tom: maybe ?? i’m not sure 

something that is getting on your nerves: sLOW INTERNET

most visited website: tumblr and youtube

hair color: blonde

long or short hair: it’s on the longer side i guess 

do you have a crush on someone: the only crush i want is to crush the patriarchy no i don’t

what do you like about yourself: i think i’m pretty nice ?? man idk gfdhjsk

blood type: i have no idea

nickname: my friends irl have way too many nicknames for me and they’re all kind of weird so i won’t write them down here fghdj but kara is also a nickname i guess

relationship status: single

zodiac: aries

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv show: maybe stranger things ?? i used to watch so much tv but i don’t anymore so i’m not sure i also love crime scene but it isn’t really a tv show

tattoos: none

right or left handed: right

surgery: never

sport: sport? i don’t know her

vacation: i don’t remember the last time i actually went on vacation omg hfjdks it’s been so long

pair of shoes: i usually wear sneakers

MORE GENERAL

eating: i don’t really eat much and i’m very picky sigh

drinking: water

I’m about to: watch episode 8 of school 2017

waiting for: weekly idol with eng sub fhdjsk

want: all my friends to be happy !! and my cat to love me

get married: i guess

career: i have no idea sigh

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: eyes

shorter or taller: taller

older or younger: older

nice arms or nice stomach: arms ??

hook up or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: gdhsjak both idk

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger: nah

drank hard liquor: nope

lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t wear :)

turned someone down: yeah

sex on the first date: um no

broken someone’s heart: i don’t think so

had your heart broken: nope

been arrested: no

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself: sometimes

miracles: not really

love at first sight: no

santa clause: nah

kiss on the first date: hmm i guess 

angels: i believe in kim jonghyun

OTHER

eye color: blue

favorite movie: dead poets society

i’m tagging @jong-hyvn @bfjihoonie @leedaehwihwi @6uanlin @hyunhyohwi and @wooseob :)

if you’ve already done this or aren’t interested in doing it then feel free to ignore this!

[horrorhouse]

Game of Thrones thoughts - 07x03 The Queen’s Justice

Spoiler’s ahead!!! I also may have misspelled character’s names in my excited state.

1. The "previously on" is excellent!

2. Fucking Littlefinger! He needs a throat punch!

3. Why does the Red Keep still have a stag? I mean, there's no REAL Baratheon on the throne. Cersei goes by Lannister. Could that be a clue that the Red Keep may one day be back under Baratheon control? GO GENDRY!!!

4. First shot right out the gate - JON SNOW IS AT DRAGONSTONE!!!

5. Jon and Tyrion are like two old high school friends getting back together.

6. Hand over your weapons? WTF is this? There needs to be a little trust here. Some give and take.

7. And the ship, too. Damn!

8. Davos making small talk with Missandei = so pure.

9. Tyrion misses Sansa (a.k.a. wifey). He was always a classy guy towards her.

10. I DRINK AND I KNOW THINGS!!!

11. "I'm not a Stark." Jon, if you only knew.

12. Damn it, Drogon, slow your roll!

13. This means Davos and Melisandre are gonna be in the same room. I wanna see that rumble!!!

14. I'm wondering if Melisandre had something to do with Varys being cut and he's playing it off because he plans to get revenge later?

15. "I have to die in this strange country. Just like you." Remember that. That's going to be on the test later. And damn it, no Davos reunion?!?

16. Misandei rattles that list off pretty good.

17. Davos doesn't have much to say. "This is Jon Snow. He's King of the North."

18. Seems like Dany is humble here. Is that an act?

19. "I am the last Targaryen, Jon Snow." NO, YOU'RE NOT!!!!

20. Nevermind. Dany's not humble. She was just trying to be nice.

21. Dany is such a fucking hypocrite! She just gave a speech about not judging someone by the sins of the father, but look what she's doing to Jon - she's throwing what Ned and Robert did to her father in his face. Even after she acknowledged her father was an evil man.

22. Her ego's getting as bad as Cersei's.

23. Davos isn't bringing up the fact Jon was brought back from the dead - why not?

24. Varys ex machina.

25. Poor Theon. He can't catch a break.

26. Euron riding through the Red Keep like he's a rock star.

27. Where's Ulna with the SHAME bell? Oh yeah....

28. Ellaria with all that sass.

29. Euron trying way too hard.

30. Euron and Jaime are having a dick showing contest.

31. Cersei's lip color. OMG!!! I recognize that color!!!

32. Cersei and Oberyn's sister were both close to their children.

33. Tyene knows what's going on because she survived the poison before, when she was teasing Bronn.

34. Cersei is a genius. The worst death Ellaria could face.

35. I know Cersei and Jaime are brother and sister, but this is kinda hot.

36. YEAH, GET IT, GIRL!!

37. At this point, Cersei doesn't give a fuck. Everyone already heard about her escapades with her brother when Joffrey was King. She's in power now. She'll do what she wants.

38. Notice the woman who came to tell Cersei about the visitor was dressed like her. When the handmaids were under Cersei's children, they were in flowing gowns with long, styled hair. Now they're dressing like Cersei. It's good to be the Queen!

39. Oh shit! The Iron Bank is coming to collect their debts. Fuck fuck fuck!!!

40. Euron Greyjoy is loyal to himself, let's face it.

41. She's gonna kill him. That's how she's gonna pay her debt.

42. Oh, I thought Tyrion was gonna piss over the cliff.

43. Jon Snow: "I'm not playing word games." Me: "This isn't Scrabble, motherfucker!"

44. Jon needs to capture a White Walker. Or cut off one of their heads.

45. Tyrion: "Children are not their fathers...." Tell that to Dany.

46. Love it! Tyrion got busted!!!

47. Ask him about the heart comment!!! Damn it!!!

48. Damn it! Littlefinger is lingering around Sansa.

49. Littlefinger spoke to Sansa! Kill him, Jon! Kill him!

50. After everything Sansa's been through, why is Littlefinger still talking to her like a child?

51. Sansa and Bran are back together!!! I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING!!!

52. Bran: "I'm the ThreeEyed Raven." Sansa: "I don't know what that means."

53. OMG, TELL HER JON IS A TARGARYEN!!!!

54. OMG, he saw her wedding. And what happened after. OMG. OMG.

55. Whoa! Ser Jorah looks fantastic!!!

56. Take that, asshole! Samn knew what he was doing!!!

57. The Maester knows better.

58. Jorah's gonna go back to Dany!!!

59. Sam should take Gilly and Sam and go with Jorah!!! He could reunite with Jon!!!

60. In other words, he did RESEARCH!!!

61. Yes, Sam's getting a promotion!!!

62. Hey, not having to clean up bed pans or clean the outhouses.

63. Gee, I've seen this before.... *cough*BLACKWATER*cough*

64. Grey Worm is VICIOUS!!!

65. Oh shit! Jaime's in High Garden with the Lannister army.

66. "She'll be the end of you." Or maybe he'll be the end of her.

67. Jaime looks like he wants to cut Olenna's head off. But maybe he gave her a worse death. She's gonna die alone. Literally alone.