#and i still have four and a half pages of research to fucking write

[brobiwan-kenobi-412]

i can no longer eat my favorite sandwich at my favorite restaurant because it turns out they fry the chicken in fucking PECAN OIL but when i told the server my allergies she didn’t decide to tell me until AFTER THE FUCKING FACT!!!

GOD WANTS ME DEAD I FEAR.

(the struggle of having a panic attack because i ate pecans vs having a mental breakdown because I can no longer eat my favorite fucking sandwich- like i have to kill myself now. like i have to die now)

[traegorn]

I need to stop doing this to myself.

(A Rant Where Trae Has Written Too Many Books This Month)

So since most of you started following me because of Witchcraft or podcast stuff, I realize a lot of you don't know how much fiction writing I do.

Primarily what I've published are comics. The big one is UnCONventional (which ran from December of 2009 to December of 2019), but I also did a steampunk comic called The Chronicles of Crosarth (which I put on hiatus in like 2018 intending to come back to... but I haven't, and I make no guarantee that I will even though over 650 of the 800 planned pages are done). Crosarth is... fine? The art isn't great in either of these, but UnCONventional carries itself with the humor.

But that's all old stuff. You may be like "Trae, what have you been producing for the last four years," and the answer is "not a lot." I got major creative block with the pandemic. Peregrine Lake, the "Northwoods Gothic" comic I was supposed to launch in 2020 (which has some characters from UnCONventional in it) didn't materialize when I said it would. What storytelling energy I had went into Stormwood & Associates and The Meatgrinder (my two actual play podcasts), but that was it.

And then 2023 happened, and the juices started flowing again.

Peregrine Lake is moving forward -- but with me just doing the writing. My urge to draw has not returned, but my urge to write has. A friend of mine, Ethan Flanagan, is drawing it, and I've written the first year of comics. It likely won't launch any time soon (the artist I'm working with is busy as hell so we want to get a shit-ton of the comic done before we launch it -- we have like the first month and a half of the comic ready?). But yeah -- it's happening. I hoping for Spring, but we'll see.

The other thing though is that I've started writing, like, novels. I've always had like twenty ideas in my head, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I decided to start with the idea I cared the least about (in case I fucked it up): A queer urban fantasy story.

In the last month and a half I've written complete drafts of two different novels in this setting, and am halfway through another one... and have another one outlined.

I, uh, had some ideas.

If you're asking yourself "Hey Trae -- what the fuck? That's a lot" you need to know a few things that aren't obvious. At one point in college, in 72 hours, I produced over 40 pages of text between three research papers. All were for 300 level courses, and I may have disassociated while writing them because I frankly don't remember most of it. But, like, they were decent papers.

One of those papers is in Google Scholar.

Anyway, yeah. I haven't been sleeping great because I've been obsessively writing, but you might ask "Why didn't you just write one and get it ready to publish?" That's a great question. Because I wrote a book, and when I was 3/4 of the way through it I realized something very important: This book would make a great sequel to a book I haven't written. I've been writing book two in a series where I haven't written book one yet.

Well fuck.

So I finished that draft, and I went and wrote book one. Now that book? That book I'm getting ready to publish. I expect to have it out in January. Part of my editing process involves setting what I think is a completed, good, revised draft down for a couple of weeks and then returning to it with fresh eyes. We're in that waiting period right now.

But I still had a bunch of energy.

So the first thing I did was a revising draft on book two (the one I wrote first), but I finished that. And had more energy. And more stories in this setting kept popping up.

So I started a third book. And I'm halfway through the first draft of that book. But then I realized yesterday... shit, this isn't book three.

This is book four.

I need stuff to happen before we get to this story.

So now I've outlined the actual book three, and am working on literally both of these books at once (I'll take a break for Christmas and then go do a final edit on Book One).

And... I'm just like... why am I like this?

I need to stop myself for a few days and get more sleep.

[syn4k]

What is your favourite trope? What was the worst book you have ever read?

Also the last one that was about giving 3 book recs :3

character that believes they deserve nothing and are utter scum of the earth being cared for and loved against their will until their tired eyes and hands finally turn towards hope and reach for it. i have written this into various works of mine so many times you have no idea

tempted to say Twilight and i don't think that My Immortal counts but uhhhhhhhh. there was this one really flimsy paperback book my parents bought me when i was like 12 called "so you're gonna be a teenager" and it was christian and detailed some things that teenagers should expect and get used to it and my queer ass, who already firmly believed in the progressive way of things at that point, flipped through it and saw that it talked about abstinence and made a bunch of points about no sex before marriage and then at one point it talked about having sex and clarified, in brackets, (with someone of the opposite gender of course) and at that i saw red and physically ripped the book in half with my bare hands. that was the only book i've ever destroyed and i do not regret it. twilight comes second

my book recs:

All the Light we Cannot See by Anthony Doerr- a masterclass in plot and 10 years of research in the writing, it's historical fiction following the paths of a young blind French girl and a young German boy who end up on opposite sides of the war but they somehow meet four years later and teach each other kindness

This Is How you Lose the Time War by Max Gladstone and Amal El-Mohtar (i think i spelled that right orz)- time travelling enemy to lovers lesbians. as Bigolas Dickolas on twitter dot com said, don't research it don't look it up online just get it and read it all in one go. it's only 200 pages and it is fucking worth it.

this is a series not a single book but The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson is a kid-aimed fantasy series that comprises of four books and an extra story compilation. don't let the kid-friendly bit fool ya- this is an incredibly well written series with some easy to understand, fun, but still well thought out worldbuilding and some themes near the end of the series that permanently rewired my brain when i finished it for the first time. also, all of the books mentioned have some fantastic illustrations included, drawn by the author's son!

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

I’m keeping a log of my thoughts whilst reading The Half Life of Valery K for the first time because I think it’ll be fun, enjoy (and, of course, beware the spoilers ahead):

- HE’S A NERD YOUR HONOUR HE HAS A LIL PET RAT!!! NAMED BORIS!!! BE STILL MY HEART-

- “…he wasn’t in the habit of looking gift rats in the mouth” MS PULLEY YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN WITH THE LOVABLE WEIRDO

- “…but lately he could feel his mind effervescing” ok Edward Cullen

- so he’s in a cold place losing his memories and forgetting how to think properly…inch resting… my theory brain is working overtime as you can tell (definitely gonna read this one back to myself and cringe at how stupid it sounds but that’s a problem for future me)

- STOP PLS HE GAVE HIS BUNKMATE BORIS TO HOLD BC HE DIDN’T WANT HIM TO BE ALONE THIS SWEET LITTLE MAN

- I am. 2 pages in. And I’m already in love with Valery. Finally, a pulleyverse main character who isn’t a cynical little prick off the bat. Not that I don’t love the others, but I’ve adopted Valery as my son so-

- Wait what’s this fucking tattoo, is it gonna be a good addition to my future pulleyverse sleeve??? (Edit: oh absolutely not that is a real life gang symbolism-)

- I would absolutely make a cigarette out of a cheese ad

- What or who tf is the Vory??? A gang??? A guard system??? Just one guard??? I’m intrigued. This is why Ms. Pulley’s use of paragraph indents is brilliant, because it actually DOES something; most contemporary authors I’ve read do it like every other page and it’s a pet peeve of mine

- Fun fact: my orchestra teacher all throughout high school lived in soviet Russia and served in their military for a while bc it was required by law, but he’s such a sweet guy and I can’t imagine him being as rough and ruthless as these fuckin guards, holy hell-

- WAIT IS VALERY ABOUT TO GO SUPER SAIYAN ON THIS BITCH OH F U C K YEAH

- Oh no he’s just doing mind tricks god damnit. Still, very cool he can keep his composure like that, very much like Joe could, and I really liked that about him so it’ll be cool to see in Valery

- THE WINTER KING THE WINTER KING THE WINTER KING THE W-

- THEORY BRAIN GOING ABSOLUTELY CRAZY RN!!!

- “But if someone complained about normal life, the overwhelming human instinct was to kick them in the head” if that isn’t me every day at work idk what is-

- I feel like the idea of the world and circumstances making a person “small” (to quote twofs) is a big thing with pulleyverse mc’s but it’s very interesting with Valery bc he seems the most optimistic about it. Idk, it’s just a funky lil thing I noticed, maybe I’ll make another post fleshing out my ideas about all four main characters at some point but for now I’ll leave it there

- Fucking FINALLY, a decent description of the mc off the bat!!! Only took 7 years-

- The specific lack of quotations around “Remember you like doing that, remember how satisfying it is when the ice breaks?” is so fucking interesting, it’s like someone else telling it to him instead of himself that, and it’s an odd place to have a break in the narration style unless it’s purposeful which of course it must be. That is another hallmark of Ms. Pulley’s writing that I just love, the way she can speak and create meaning in the style of the narration, it’s so unique to her works and so so s o fun to read

- Y’know it just dawned on me that Valery is very similar to Linus from The House in the Cerulean Sea

- Ooo chapter titles

- Nice and accurate portrayal of Russian driving skills (from someone who has been cut off while driving on multiple occasions by my Russian orchestra teacher)

- What in the fuckin dystopia is this town-

- Lord knows I am not Grace Carrow’s biggest fan, but her research in ether studies was the precursor to atomic theory, and I’m definitely going to feel like a proud mom if they mention the works of Dr. Carrow at any point in Valery’s research stuff. I have a love-hate relationship with her.

- “…something odd and dead about the lake” INCH. RESTING.

- I’m so intrigued by this dude and his sketchy past and I’m so glad it’s written this way but I’d pay serious money to figure out wtf is going on right this second

- I have a terrible habit of reading the last page of a book when I get antsy — which actually almost caused me to dnf the watchmaker the first time I read it — and I don’t wanna do that but it the urge is there

- Valery…buddy…the first thing you notice about a guy who may or may not kill you is the fact that he’s tall, dark, and handsome??? Really??? Yknow what he’s been in prison for 6 years he deserves it I’m gonna stop shitting on him

- THE LIGHTHOUSE??? I N C H . R E S T I N G .

- This man is autistic I’ve decided

- Pls let Elena and Ilenko be gfs I beg of you Ms. Pulley-

- Valery mathing in his head for a solid page and a half is both adorable and very helpful

- Damn okay Elena I was rooting for you a lil bit but clearly she knows something weird is going on and she’s just being a bitch about it (I’m getting defensive about her being passive aggressive to Valery excuse me)

- Call me crazy but like I’m 95% sure the scientists are also being experimented on. The cheese thing reminded me too much of feeding lab rats for good behaviour.

- I trust tf out of Ilenko now, she’s mean but she’s honest and I like it. Reminds me of Takiko.

- The room is bugged. I know it, you know it, we all know it. Bc they’re being experimented on. There’s no way they’re not.

- SHUT UP BC IF THEY’RE ACTUALLY HANDING OUT MORI’S WATCHES I’M GONNA CRY-

- Shenkov gives me very much Missouri Kite vibes. He clearly knows something more than he’s saying, and likely already has a soft spot for Valery somehow (which I do too but like. I’m reading inside his head so it’s a bit different)

- I’m seriously going to go insane with all the minute references to her other works. Like. It’s totally plausible that someone thinks of Peru first out of every South American country, but is it really a coincidence??? Really??? Especially after tlfop mentioned it so pointedly??? I’m gonna have to start wearing a tinfoil hat at some point.

- The fucking telescope thing I’m going to go nuts-

- Okay back on my comparing the pulleyverse mc’s bullshit, they all have a particular area of observational expertise, and Valery’s seems to be in logistics which is very fun

- Valery’s immediate switch from feeling safe and scared of it to being aware of imminent danger and comfortable with it will never not make me sad

- Why isn’t Ilenko there. Where is my girl.

- Finally in a time period where it’s normal-ish to recognise and call out racist shit hell yeah

- Absolutely love Valery and Shenkov’s dynamic so far, plus the way he interacts with the students is so fucking funny compared to how he interacts with everyone else

- I notice my observations getting less and less frequent the more I get wrapped up in this book, which is impressive considering I’m barely 70 pages in

- Am I crazy or do the radiated mice sound very similar to the people sent to New Bedlam??? Maybe the whole place was built specifically as a quarantine for radiation damage??? Inch. Resting. (definitely not true but a fun theory)

- DAMNIT THEY SHOT MY GIRL!!! FUCK!!! At least Elena is being less of a bitch

- He’s excited about his eyeball jar 🥺🥺🥺 and he is absolutely correct about the medical schools

- Ohoho his devious bastard side is showing now, immaculate

- “He loved children, but he knew he’d never have any” is this bc he’s queer or because of some sad secret medical thing??? Or both???

- …I’m sorry doctor W H O ? ? ? NOT THE FUCKING NAZI BLOOD PURIST WHO PERFORMED HORRIFYING GENETICS TESTS ON CHILDREN??? SURELY NOT??? RIGHT???

- This is…wow…I’m so glad Ms. Pulley made even the obvious bad guy recognise that human experiments and eugenics are inarguably awful but Jesus C h r i s t -

- “…he should not have trusted Shenkov to be above board purely because he thought the man was fascinating” sir you’re going to fall in love with him-

- HHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEMB

- Shenkov…buddy…stop being so incredibly endearing…istg…

- “He was in no state to cope with kindness” :(

- “He was going to have to avoid Shenkov as much as he could, at least until the triple shot had worn off” :((((((((((

- “…felt as though something Artic had come to look at him” ooo inch resting inch resting, very Winter King-esque

- Valery is such a genuinely nice dude who understands the reasons people do science I love him sm

- What is with these tattoos man I need descriptions!!! I wanna know!!!

- STOP PLS HE TELLS JOKES TO THE PEOPLE WHO BUGGED HIS ROOM THAT’S SO CUTE-

- God al-fucking-mighty I love this man. He really said “…don’t you find usually that the people who are most worried about seeming effeminate are the ones with a permanent Friday-evening appointment with a sailor?” I can’t-

- H e l l yeah Shenkov chapter!!! Oh wait no he had his ribs broken oh no-

- Wow there is some brilliant sensory descriptions from Shenkov, which is like. Oddly reminiscent of reading a chapter in Thaniel’s pov. I’m choosing to interpret this as him having sensory issues bc I think it’s fun, but either way it’s fantastic writing

- AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING WINTER KING, WHAT THE F U C K (also Shenkov and his kids are adorable)

- I am a big fan of Ms. Pulley making her female characters tough and morally grey as like a fuck you to the stereotypes but would it kill her to write a female character who isn’t borderline sociopathic??? Would it??? Bc I don’t know many people who can deal with 3 miscarriages, and potentially a fourth, and not feel any specific way about it

- “People think science is all specialists and expensive stuff, but it’s mostly made of kitchen rolls and fridge magnets and we just spray it black when anyone with a news crew turns up” absolutely love that

- Who tf is the medical doctor she seems cool af

- “I’m a funny harmless little science elf, people tell me things” F E L T

- Awweee cute winter-y description of Shenkov but ooo the “bonfires in the forest” thing is sus to me

- I like Nanya, she means business and doesn’t take any shit. T h a t ‘ s a good way to write a strong female character

- OH FUCK THE TRUTH ABOUT ELENA IS COMING OUT!!!

- He really said “I’m gonna be in prison for 10 years. Wanna play hangman?” Absolutely love this fucking nerd

- Oh my god I fucking love the octopus he’s so CUTE!!! And the way Valery just gets him bc he wants to!!! And the way the octopus is so protective of him!!! Ugh I adore him

- “How much more qualified do you want me to be?” GET HIS ASS VALERY!!! I’d pay serious money to see him interact with that phd guy he supposedly annihilated

- “Surely there were things even KGB agents didn’t want to hear.” MY GUY-

- I keep mistyping KGB as LGB and I think that is mildly hilarious

- Valery as a teacher is. Fantastic. Like genuinely such a good teacher. I know Ms. Pulley is a professor herself so I’m sure she’s a fantastic teacher too and that makes me happy

- …I may have misjudge Anna-

- I feel like if a pulleyverse man is going to be married to a woman (for more than like a day at least) she legally has to be the coolest person on the planet

- Oh my fucking g o d the gaslighting from Elena and the director is driving me NUTS

- I KNEW IT!!! I FUCKIN K N E W THOSE RANDOM “VOLCANIC” EXPLOSIONS WERE WEIRD!!! ANNA YOU BRILLIANT BASTARD!!! If she turns out to be a shitty person I WILL be crying myself to sleep

- Valera Valera Valera Valera Valera Valera Va-

- Brb putting my fOOT THROUGH THIS BOOK ISTG-

- THE ASYLUM??? UM???

- Very excited to add more to my analysis on asylums from that one post I made a bit ago even though I haven’t read the chapter yet, but I think it’s very cool that she’s adding that element into this book as well

- Every time the Winter King is mentioned/alluded to my ears perk up like a dog

- “My tools of the patriarchy are getting too long.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Okay I got too wrapped up in the rest of it to finish this but final thoughts:

- I fucking. Love Valery. So much. He’s such a sweet little man but also a complete bastard who blows people up and it’s genuinely the best character combination I can think of

- Shenkov is a gentle giant and I would give him my first born in a heartbeat (bc he would take fantastic care of them)

- Sincerely misjudged Anna at first and I regret it sorely, she is perhaps my favourite side character in the whole book

- I love the ending as well, it wraps up in the same way twofs does; could be a happy enough ending, but with enough unfinished business to make a good transition into a sequel, and I would be absolutely thrilled to have a sequel

- All in all, fantastic book, 10/10, will absolutely be recommending it to anyone who will listen

[mr-lancers-english-class]

The Roommate

Chapter 2: The Eldritch Latte

ao3

prev next

Two weeks into classes, and Jay had barely gotten another word out of his roommate.

Jay’s own life had gotten hectic, sure, but it wasn’t unreasonable. He was taking four intro classes that had thus far amounted to reviewing what he’d learned in high school and/or what he’d researched on his own time and one hellish writing class with the weirdest teacher he had ever had the misfortune to encounter. He had tried joining the Ghost Hunter’s of Amity club, but had quit after the second meeting when the club president had gone on a fifteen minute tirade about how ghosts were evil scum that deserved to burn in hell and every single other member had agreed wholeheartedly. Jay knew he wasn’t always the most socially adept, but even he could spot a toxic environment as bad as that. The field of ghost research was so biased and naive as is, he didn’t want to play any part in keeping it that way. He’d ended up stumbling upon a debate and lit club on his way home from that particularly disastrous meeting that had been going pretty well, so small victories and all that. But for as much as he still had on his plate, Danny’s life was so much more.

Jay barely ever saw the guy, much less had time to stop and chat. Danny seemed to be taking like seven or eight classes, he was probably working at least a part time job that didn’t seem to pay too well, his sleep schedule was all shades of fucked if it existed at all, and Jay could have sworn he’d woken up at three in the morning to Danny crawling in through their window at least twice. He wasn’t a hundred percent certain about that last one, in part because Jay knew he had a tendency to have very vivid dreams and in part because their room was on the fourth fucking floor , but he was like ninety percent sure.

In fact, and Jay had to laugh at the hilarity of this whole situation, he had spoken more with the weird cyber-emo guy who probably lived in their dorm building and definitely took way too much advantage of the coffee machines in the communal kitchen in the basement than he had spoken with his own roommate.

They had met a week and a half into classes, when Jay had been up at two in the morning because he’d been watching an eight hour video about a TV show he used to watch with his sister when he’d suddenly remembered the five page first draft due in nine hours. He’d left his dorm room devoid of human life to take a stretch and try to whip up something resembling a latte before subjecting himself to the hell that was trying to parse out what the professor wanted. The espresso had been half done brewing when a loud thump sounded through the room. Jay spun fast enough to make himself dizzy, and as he grabbed for the counter to keep himself from falling, he found himself looking at the guy he would come to mentally dub Caffeine Dude.

That first time, Caffeine Dude was the source of the thump. As Jay tried to make his brain work enough to process the scene in front of him, Caffeine Dude began to pull himself up from where he had tripped face-first onto the ugly fake tile of the kitchen. Or maybe fallen off his chair, Jay couldn’t say. Either way, he was sporting a nasty shiner around his right eye that seemed to be tinted green in the pathetic light of the street lamp outside the window because Jay hadn’t cared enough to actually turn a light on inside.

“Yo, dude, you good? I didn’t see you there when I came in.” Jay got his bearings enough to extend his hand out and help Caffeine Dude up to standing. “Sorry for waking you, I gotta write a paper and I didn’t notice you when I came in.” Caffeine Dude made it up to his feet, and laughed a little as he dusted himself off. The laugh felt tight, but who was Jay to judge? It was late enough that time wasn’t real and he was ready to pretend that this had never happened if that was what Caffeine Dude needed for his dignity.

“Yeah, no, I’m good. Just, startled me a bit. Not normally anyone else down here at this time of morning.”

“Not morning yet.” At Caffeine Dude’s confused look, Jay continued to talk as he sized the guy up. “Morning doesn't happen till at least three thirty.”

Caffeine Dude was weird . Like, weird by college standards, which were some pretty fucked up standards anyway. He had bright white hair, so white Jay could have sworn it was glowing. That also could have been the sleep deprivation, but he was too tired to care. He was wearing a funky-looking jumpsuit made of some black rubbery material with white gloves and boots, and he had a band logo or something like it emblazoned across his chest in white as well. Caffeine Dude’s eyes were an electric green, almost like the color of that one soda that Jay couldn’t think of the name of right then but gave him both a pounding headache and the ability to fistfight God and win. 

“Interesting philosophy, I guess.”

“Hmm, yeah. Makes me feel better about when I stay up too late. Want any coffee?” Jay turned away from Caffeine Dude to finish up his latte-to-be. “I know we just met, but dude if you’re falling asleep in the dorm kitchen I think you need more hot bean juice than I do which is saying something, and I’ve been told I make a mean latte- well, not really, it’s not actually a good latte, but it’s a strong latte and I think that’s more important than being good, so do you want one?” Jay finished adding the instant coffee to his own espresso shots and looked back at Caffeine Dude.

Caffeine Dude just stared at him. 

“I’ll take that as a yes?” When he didn’t get any response beyond a slight tilt of the head, Jay went back to the espresso machine and set it up for three more shots. “One eldritch latte, coming right up.” Caffeine Dude didn’t say anything.

When Jay finished making the energy concoction, he set it on the table in front of Caffeine Dude, grabbed his own drink, mumbled “good night”, and went back to his dorm. The paper wasn’t going to write itself, for as much as he would have liked it to.

An hour later, Danny entered the dorm room through the main door. Jay nodded in his direction with a hum. Had he been a little less tired, he might have noticed Danny nodding back.

[cocochannel00]

The Azoff Family: A Case Study on one of the Music Industry’s Most Connected Families

(ft. a breakdown of the Grammy voting process and problems)

This is very long so I will try and split it up into categories for everyone (sorry I got carried away- I spent like 2 hours writing this) but enjoy!

*Disclaimer: I want to preface while the majority of this is based in research, some parts may be speculation. I don’t know the family personally so I can’t tell you what goes on behind closed doors but I can tell you how parts of the entertainment/music industry work. I’ve had 5 internships in the industry (one in marketing at one of the big record labels) and the rest of my work is publicity (what I enjoy) and events and a former advisor used to run in the same circles as Irving Azoff (and he spilled some tea last year) I’m not out here to diminish the hard work of any artists or their teams, I’m simply here to showcase parts of the industry that aren’t always shown.*

Please also see: Story Time: How Fan Pages Directly Impact Columbia Records Decisions and Harry Styles Image

IRVING AZOFF: NEVER STOP THE GRIND

Let’s begin with the great business man himself Mr. Irving Azoff Irving Azoff is the literal posture child for connections and power in the music industry (he was also inducted into the 2020 rock and roll hall of fame class which is like a huge fucking deal for a manager to be inducted so you know he's the real deal)

In conclusion, I love Irving Azoff and his drive.

Irving Azoff: Early Years Run Down:

He came up middle class (dad was a pharmacist, mom a bookkeeper) in Danville, Illinois

He dropped out of college to run a small Midwestern concert-booking empire and managed local acts in the era

Opportunity came knocking and he got the chance to manage the Eagles and the rest is history

He's one of the best negotiators and has negotiated business on behalf of stars like Stevie Nicks, the Eagles, and Jimmy Buffet

Azoff has been an incredible manager and his drive to always advocate for his clients while basically not giving two sh*ts about what people think of him has gotten him the incredible reputation he has today.

All of Irving Azoff’s Major Job Positions:

Former President MCA (major label)

Former CEO of Ticketmaster and executive chairman of Live Nation Entertainment, the behemoth formed from Ticketmaster’s merger with Live Nation.

In 2013 he and Cablevision Systems Corp. CEO and New York Knicks owner James Dolan formed a partnership, Azoff MSG Entertainment (Currently still CEO)

----> Azoff also ran the Forum in Inglewood under Azoff MSG Entertainment after MSG purchased it in 2012 (it was sold in 2020 to the owner of the Clippers) — why do you think Harry played the forum for the Fine Line show? Azoff connection

Azoff MSG Entertainment encompasses all of the other companies including Full Stop Management, Global Music Rights (performance-rights org), and the Oak View Group (arena developing company)

He also is the co-founder and manager of the lobbying group Music Artists Coalition, a group that helps lobby for artists-rights issues such as royalty rates, copyright issue and healthcare insurance (see he's not all bad)

Essentially what I'm getting at is this man knows anybody who's anybody. He's the man you want on your team to help promote your music, plan your tour, and get you on that Grammy nom list.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

JEFFREY AZOFF: THE CHILD OF NEPOTISM

So for those of you that don't know, Jeffery Azoff is Harry's current manager and the son of Irving Azoff (the third of four kids). He's currently a partner at Full Stop Management, the company owned by Irving and the one artists such as Harry, Haim, the Eagles, Kings of Leon, and Meghan Trainer are signed to.

Jeffrey graduated from the University of Colorado's Leeds School of Business and started working fresh out of college at his father's old Management company (Frontline Management) working under Maroon 5's manager Jordan Feldstein (the only way you get that kind of internship/job as a 21 year old fresh out of college is if your family or family friends gives it to you). He worked here for 5 years.

Direct Quote from Irving Azoff to Jeffrey (really tells you a lot): "Listen carefully, because I’m going to say this one time. You have a phone and you have my last name. If you can’t figure it out, you’re not my son."

After working for his father, Jeffrey moved on to the talent agency CAA (Creative Artist Agency) where he worked for roughly 3 and half years before joining his dad in forming Full Stop Management in 2016.

While he was at CAA, Irving moved over clients like Christina Aguilera and the Eagles to the talent agency to help with tour booking instead of doing it internally through LiveNation (he was CEO).

Even though I'm sure Jeff has had to work somewhat hard to get to where he is (or at least to mess up his dad's work as he doesn't seem like the type to take laziness well), the door into the industry and every job was basically handed to him on a silver platter.

Not to mention if you watch episodes of keeping up with the  kardashians (like myself) you can actually see Jeff hanging out with kendall and the rest of the fam at their Palm Springs house (you know you're a nepotism kid if you have an in with the Kardashian crew). Invite me next time Jeffrey!!!

Think of the Azoff's as the mafia family of the music industry, you don't mess with the mafia

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE GRAMMY AWARDS: STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTIONS ON STEROIDS

Ok so here's where we’re going to get into a bit more of the speculation/grey area. I don't need to tell you that award shows are corrupt (See the Golden Globes Emily in Paris scandal) and the Grammys are not an exception. Think of the Grammys as one big student council/government elections where despite the fact the teachers tell you six times to vote for the best candidate, you're still going to vote for your friends even if they aren't the best.

A simplified break-down of Grammy voting:

1) Recording Academy voting members (artists, producers, musicians- anyone involved first hand with the creation of music; All voting members must have been producers, performers or engineers on six or more tracks of a commercially released album (or 12 or more digital tracks) and record labels will submit nominations in various categories to the grammys (songs need to be released commercially between October 1 of the previous year and September 30th of this year). You can also become a voting member by either winning a grammy or being endorsed by a current voting member (hint hint)

2) Once received, the recording academy with have the academy of trustees and its reviewers organize them and approve any changes to the 30 categories/fields (aka they can add new categories or remove old ones; so no best ukulele album of the year -- this is where things get funky)

There's speculation that during this stage when these special groups of 8-10 people are organizing genres, there's an "unwritten rule" that you need to be careful what album you green light (especially for famous artists) if you don't want them to win) (Rob Kenner said this- he used to be on one of these committees). Famous people tend to get more votes from clueless or lay Academy members that don't know the specialized categories or don't care enough to listen to songs that aren't radio trending.

3) After the nominations occur, Voting members begin their first voting. Members can vote for the four general categories of record of the year, album of the year, song of the year and best new artist and a maximum of 15 categories, all within their areas of expertise. Now the interesting thing is that while these are the guidelines there is literally nothing stopping them from voting in whatever categories they want (i.g. a rapper voting in the opera category despite not listening to opera). Theses ballots are all tallied and the top 20 entries are determined in each category (funky moment #2)

In 12 of the 84 categories those top 20 go to the ballot and it's done; for the rest it’s not like that. 59 categories including the big four go to a "nomination review committees" (identities are protected so they can't get lobbied... sure) who take a look at the top 20 and narrow it down to 7 or 8. (these are the special committees the Weekend talked about when he was snubbed). They're supposed to choose the nominees "based solely on the artistic and technical merits of the eligible recordings" which lets be real if that was the case Watermelon Sugar (along with most of the others in the category) I don't think would have been nomimated as they are very generic pop (none of them are special... sorry to the WM lovers out there).

This committee is basically held to THE HONOR CODE SYSTEM... I mean tell me when the last time the honor code system worked in literally any scenario (literally wtf). Don't take my word for it though the former CEO of the Academy Deborah Dugan (a queen) filed a complaint against the Recording Academy basically claiming that the nomination review process was rigged (she was fired after 5 months on the job).

Quote from Deborah Dugan "Members of the board [of trustees] and the secret committees chose artists with whom they have personal or business relationships... It is not unusual for artists who have relationships with Board members and who ranked at the bottom of the initial 20-artist list to end up receiving nominations."

These review committees can also exploit there power by adding up to two nominees that don't appear on the top 20 list to the final voting ballot (except in the 4 big categories - which watermelon sugar that one wasn't nominated for)

They also have craft committees for like non performance stuff (like album notes, engineering and arranging) that don't even get voted on by the academy voting members

4) After all of that fucked up mess, the grammy's decided is ok, the ballots go back to the voting members for the final vote. Deloitte (an accounting firm) then counts all of them, seals them in envelopes, and delivers them to the Grammy award show.

** The Grammy's just announced this year they're removing the "secret committees" so let's see how things shift in the next couple of years**

So obviously I'm not saying this to discredit Harry's nomination or his win as Fine Line was in the US top 20 albums for the majority of 2020, however, we must acknowledge privilege. Harry has a big name to him and a huge following, and while all of that shouldn't be taken into account, it does. He also has the Azoffs, a very well connected family with friends in lots of places that would be able to put in a good word here and there to get support behind Harry. Harry won best pop solo performance for Watermelon Sugar in a category with Doja Cat, Justin Bieber, Billie Eilish, Taylor Swift, and Dua Lipa. Look at the names there, the songs (ya'll can try and remember them cause I'm too lazy to write it out) and tell me that those top names with all of the music produced didn't get there through some connections.

Do with all this information what you will and if you are interested in learning more about the entertainment industry on your own Endeavor (owners of WME, a big talent agency like CAA) is hosting a free online program called the Excellence Program to help guide the future generation of industry executives. The program is a-synchronous and starts on July 12th. Highly recommend giving it a go if you're interested!!!

Alright ya'll that's it. Feel free to message me with your thoughts!

Extra Sources if you'd like to read:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkdndn/how-grammys-voting-actually-works-and-where-the-alleged-corruption-lies

https://www.grammy.com/grammys/awards/voting-process

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/music/story/2020-11-05/irving-azoff-eagles-manager

https://celebrityaccess.com/caarchive/jeffrey-azoff-exits-caa-to-launch-new-management-company/

https://www.rollingstone.com/pro/features/grammy-awards-secret-committees-945532/

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/grammy-awards-eliminate-secret-committees-voting-changes-1163887/

[jinkicake]

Periods Don’t Stop Nothing But A Sentence

Akaashi, Kageyama learn about the benefits of having sex while you’re on your period and offer their help. 

Akaashi Keiji x Reader

Kageyama Tobio x Reader

Anon,,, you know Kageyama makes me act up so this might be a little wild... I hope you like it!!!! I love writing for Akaashi,,,, Kageyama is so difficult but I also adore writing for him too. That is my baby! Bruh, not @ me being on my period and writing my feelings out through this bc I want Ushiten to double team me.

SMUT // NSFW

WC- 1,182

~~~

Akaashi Keiji

Allow me to be bold and state that Akaashi is a freak… you can’t convince me otherwise,,,,, It doesn’t really have anything to do with this but I don’t think I have ever said it before

Knowing his relatively calm and blunt personality, I don’t think Akaashi would care much that you’re on your period

He might have to warm up to the idea though, he would only do it if you wanted it or if he knew it would make you feel good

I think he would have to be convinced in the sense that you actually want it and you’re not just doing it to satisfy him,,,,, he’s selfless what can I say

“It’ll really help you feel better, (Y/N)?” He’d sound so skeptical and then look it up, scrolling through the multiple articles with tired eyes,,,,,,,

Akaashi would prepare everything beforehand, he would make sure it will all be clean before and after just to make you feel better and can go right to sleep after you’re done,,,,,,,, yeah Akaashi gonna fuck you to sleep!

He is doing this for you because he wants to take away some of the pain you are suffering from, and maybe it’ll help shorten your period! Thanks for letting Akaashi know that, period sex guide 101 !

Akaashi is going to act like he is doing this solely for you but you know….

Of course, he is getting something from it too!!! You know deep down he is riled up and excited

I feel like when he fucks you,,,, he is going to confess how hot he thinks the entire situation is HAHAHA It is kinda out of character, which makes it even more ideal~ 

Akaashi has you pressed against the shower wall, your chest is pinned against the cold tile while one of his hands is wrapped around your waist and the other is gripping your hip. His first initial thrusts are slow and shallow, dragging himself in and out of your tense walls to leave you blazing inside. His slender cock just barley brushes along your g-spot, leaving you speechless and unable to form a coherent thought.

“Keiji,” You whisper out before another loud moan takes over your voice. Akaashi kisses your shoulder, not letting up his slow pace, you can feel him smirking against your skin. His touch leaves a trail of fire in its wake and you press your cheek against the cold wall for relief, to cool down just a little bit.

“The way you are so weak for me,” Akaashi whispers in your ear, his voice lowering, the air he blows into your sensitive ear makes you thrust back against him. “is the hottest thing I have ever seen. You’re such a good girl, aren’t you?” He chuckles quietly and grits his teeth before bottoming out inside of you. The grip he has on your hip tightens and he forces you to grind down against him, your walls pulsate around him and Akaashi moans at the sensation. “Go at your own pace, pretty girl.”

You sway yourself on his length, moving your hips in circles as you desperately hold onto the wall. Akaashi removes the grip he has on your side and reaches up to grab the showerhead, putting it on the softest setting before bringing it down to your clit. The stream against such a sensitive spot makes you jolt and you glance at Akaashi, squeezing your thighs together in pleasure.

“It’s all yours my love, all for you, use it exactly the way you want.”

Kageyama Tobio

Pls… Kageyama is so clueless,,, I feel like he wouldn’t know shit about periods…. At the same time, he also has a sister so maybe he isn’t as clueless as I think???

I can imagine Kageyama walking in on you curled up into a ball because of cramps and he’s like “you good?” …. man would not have any clue why you were in so much pain

Then you tell him you’re on your period and Kageyama is like ‘oh’….. cue him to researching ways to help you feel better

He’d buy you a heating pad and warm foods because the internet told him to do so,,,, then he comes across an article talking about how orgasms can relieve your period pains and Kageyama is like 0.0

Because,,, he starts thinking about having sex with you and wow, now he has a boner

He continues to read the article and many others because when he brings it up with you, he doesn’t want to seem like a perv who is only suggesting it because he wants to get his dick wet!

I feel like Kageyama would send you the link via text message or simply slide you his phone with the page already pulled up,,,, I don’t think he has the nerve to straight out ask you

And you’re like….. uhhhhh and Kageyama is all red-faced with his lips pushed together in a little pout

“I want to help you with your…. pain” He motions his hand in-between your hips and can’t even find it in himself to say the word ‘period’ LMFAOOO

Kageyama does not care that you’re on your period, he is not scared of blood or grossed out in any way,,,,,, if he wants to fuck you and you want to fuck him, nothing can get in the way of it LOL

“T-Tobio,” You mewl and wiggle your hips, pressing your ass down into the mattress. “that feels so good.” Tears prick at the corner of your eyes and Kageyama swallows the groan that desperately wants to leave his lips. He glances at the towel and makes sure it is still in place so he can clean you up afterward. He doesn’t focus on it for long, not with the way you’re sucking him in like this, Kageyama can’t get over how tight you are.

“Relax, babe.” He grunts and dips his head, his hips stutter when he feels his knees go weak. “Is this too much?” Kageyama glances at you cautiously as he gently stimulates your clit. Mr.-PhD-in-period-sex-after-reading-four-articles remembers how sensitive the body can get during the monthly flow. He’s worried, Kageyama wants it to be pleasurable and not painful.

“Keep going Tobio, just like that, I’m okay.” You reassure him and arch your back at one of his particularly hard thrusts. Something about Kageyama being so attentive makes this experience that much better, it is like he is doing it solely for you and that control you have with him makes your knees weak. With shaky, wobbly legs you lift your bottom half up so you can bend one of your legs towards your chest. You aren’t able to hold the position long but at that moment Kageyama was able to thrust so deeply inside of you, you felt him in your guts.

“More, I need more Tobio!” You whine frustratedly as your walls convulse around him, your much-needed orgasm washes over you and can’t help but demand more. “Please, I want more."

Kageyama glances down at your pitiful eyes and leans forward to kiss your forehead before taking the same claim on your cheeks.

“Be patient baby, I’ll give you another. Relax for me, first."

~

Taglist.

@yams046 @why-am-i-sad-and-sleepy @xhanjisungiex @xxashshs @chaosamu @angelkogane @augustdearly @kunimwuah  @lovellucy @osamuonigiri

[hexpea]

Ch. 2 - Habits

With half of the semester already over, you had to start writing your first draft of your research paper for finals. While working on it at home was great, you often preferred the atmosphere of the library; not to mention how many other resources were physically available to you there. You walked into the large room of the main floor. Despite many bodies, it was completely quiet save for a few whispers and low voices. You headed toward the computers lined up on the back wall behind some bookshelves. It was a secluded and quiet space, surely the perfect spot for you to get some work done...at least until you saw him.

He was face down on a keyboard with a document up. He was alone as no other students were utilizing the nearby desktops. The hiragana く must have been the first to be pressed as the screen was typing it continuously.

You walked over to him and dropped your bag down. Leaning down, you tried to see if he was awake. Unfortunately, you couldn't tell. His eyes were shut from what you could see and his back rose and fell heavily as if he were completely knocked out.

"Choso," you nudged him with your index finger, poking him hard in the shoulder. He didn't respond. "Choso, wake up." You continued poking him harder until you started shaking him with both hands.

"Goddamn," he sat up slowly with attitude, eyes still partially shut. He tried to focus them under the bright lights. When he was finally able to open them and look at you, his pupils were incredibly narrow and sclera slightly bloodshot. "What the fuck do you want?" He asked, rubbing his eyes with his four fingers on both hands, body now shifted to face you in the chair. His movements were incredibly slow and sloth-like.

"You were passed out on the keyboard," you motioned to the computer. "And it looks like you've managed to type hundreds of pages of く's." You squinted toward the page number in the bottom corner of the screen. Then, taking liberty, you grabbed the mouse and scrolled to the top of the document where he had the usual formatted header typed out. He at least had something started on his final paper.

"So?" He sluggishly turned his body back to the computer, highlighted all of the く's, and deleted them. You could tell by his frustration that he was slightly embarrassed.

"Are you high?" You asked outright, seeing how his fingers twitched and shook before pressing any keys.

"No. None of your business anyway," he spoke just as slow as he moved. It was also as if he were trying very hard to get the words out, preventing any slurring of speech. "Just...go somewhere else."

"Choso..." your face of anger turned to one of concern, "seriously, if you're high we need to get you help."

"Fuck off," he mumbled, logging out of the computer and slowly standing.

He began to stagger away, leaving you alone with the computers. You watched him saunter off, walking mostly normal, so you assumed he was safe for the time being.

You tried to shake off the experience and begin writing, but the entire time your mind worried about your classmate. Why do I even care? It's not like he's a friend...he's just some stupid low-life, you thought.

When you finally left the library you had to pass by a nearby pond. Leaning on one of the benches and underneath the blossoming trees with a few others who were known "bad boys" was Choso. He was smoking, laughing, and just overall having the time of his life with his jerk friends. When you glanced you recognized his younger brother Eso who was just as happily involved. Eso had a much more defined jaw structure and cheekbones compared to his older brother. He also had most of his head shaved save for a small tuft of hair that fell over his forehead. Quite honestly, he made Choso seem like the younger brother with his meatier arms and chest - not to mention his height.

"Hey, Y/N!" Choso shouted at you from afar when he noticed you walking down the sidewalk. You tightened your grip on your backpack and began walking a bit faster. "Y/N!" You stopped turned your head for just a moment out of exasperation. Choso was holding out the cigarette with a smile as if to teasingly offer it to you. He's mocking me... You quickly looked away, gearing up to speed walk to safety. "Awe, come on! You know you want one!"

"Shut the hell up, you dick!" You shouted back at him in return. This caused the entire group of them to burst into laughter. Choso took a long drag of the cigarette and allowed the smoke to billow out of his nose with a smirk in response to your insult. The sight of his low sanpaku eyes and snarky grin, pearly white teeth and all, from behind the smoke made you shiver...and not in the way that you wanted. "God..." you mumbled to yourself as you stormed away.

When the class you shared with Choso came along again, you were to begin a project. It was another twenty-five percent of your grade along with that final paper you were going to turn in eventually. "Alright everyone," the professor spoke up, addressing the class as a whole, "for this project you are to work in pairs." A few grumbles came from some of the students despite that fact being clearly listed in the syllabus. "To make this easy, the person to your right will be your partner. No ifs, ands, or buts," even more groans came from the audience, your own this time as well, "I don't want to hear it. You are dismissed, see you Monday." The professor then began packing their things. "Oh boy," Choso grinned sarcastically in your direction, "howdy, partner." You sighed loudly and looked toward the ceiling as if praying to whomever was up there.

"I'm not doing all the work, if that's what you're thinking," you said quickly.

"Didn't expect you to," he agreed just as fast, "listen...I may be not be doing well, but I am trying. I've made it this far and I'm trying to set a good example for my brothers."

"If that's what you're trying to do, don't show up high to the library and then smoke with your younger brother directly after," you scolded as if you were his parent. He flattened his expression.

"Giving in to pleasure isn't necessarily a bad thing," he mumbled.

"What were you even high on?" You asked with attitude, shaking your head and furrowing your brow.

"Nothing," he lied yet again. He licked his bottom lip to be rid of its chapped-ness and began packing up his laptop that he actually managed to remember this time.

"Don't give me that," you said as he started to leave the room. You, too, had packed up your things and began to get out of your chair after him. "I know you were high, your body can't lie." Choso chuckled at your phrasing as you followed after him, steps quicker than his seeing as your legs were shorter.

"Alright," he smirked, staring straight ahead as he headed to the nearby stairwell, "you got me."

"Well?" You insisted, following him down the steps and toward the lobby of the building.

"Are you ever not annoying?" He wondered, holding his hand out and pushing the large door - neglecting to hold it for you. You pressed the mechanism in to open it and scampered down the sidewalk in an attempt to keep up.

"I'm not annoying," you growled at him, keeping pace next to his side. "We at least have to figure out when we're supposed to start this project." Choso halted and you had to back up a few paces considering how quickly he stopped.

"Here," he held out his hand, "give me your phone." You sneered at him and he rolled his eyes at your apprehension. "To put my number in it."

"You give me yours!" You argued. He sighed and rolled his eyes again, shoving his hand into his pocket and pulling out the device.

You began tapping away as he took out his pack of cigarettes, placing one loosely at his lips and lighting it - covering it with a cupped hand so the wind wouldn't prevent the light.

"Thanks," he took a few huffs, smoke filling the air around him, as he started typing on his phone. With a free hand, he removed the cigarette and blew smoke out of the corner of his mouth - away from you. Your phone vibrated when he shoved his phone back into his pocket. You pulled it out and noticed the new number lit up on your screen with a simple "hey." "Text me whenever you want to meet up."

"Great," you grumbled as he began to walk away on his own. You fanned your hand in front of your face to clear the smoke, watching his dark figure in the distance.

The weekend had arrived and you had a good start on your project with Choso on your own, but you decided that it was time for him to be a part of the process.

Hey you available? You finally responded to his first "hey." You were then surprised by how quickly he responded.

sure, im actually on campus want to meet there? Fine. Give me like an hour He then responded with his location on campus and you quickly commuted to school as you usually would: train first and then a bit of walking. The sky looked a bit gray as if it were soon going to be dumping buckets. You found him right where he said he'd be. He was laying on a bench with his feet planted on the ground. You noticed how he tilted his head up slightly when he noticed your presence. He sat up as soon as he saw you getting closer. "Hi," you greeted flatly. You just wanted to get this project done and over with. "Hi," he responded in the same tone, looking up at you from his seated position. The look he gave you sent chills down your spine just as it did the day you met him at the library. He had a warm kind of stare behind the cool expression, thin eyebrows upturned as if he were unimpressed. "Library, I guess," you offered up. Without a word, he stood and began walking beside you. "So...have you done anything for this yet?" He asked, walking a bit too close to you for comfort - so close that his hand had brushed against yours. He quickly, as if in a small, embarrassed panic, threw them in his pockets and gave you a bit more space. "I have a thesis developed, but I don't have any research yet," you explained. "I assume you've done nothing." "Harsh," he mumbled as the two of you entered the library, "but correct." "Great, then we're going with my idea," you took charge as you both set your things down at a table on the main floor. He smirked with your confident attitude as if that were something he derived pleasure from. "Sounds good to me," he agreed without hesitation. You then shared with him your ideas and what specifically to search for when it came to finding sources. The two of you sat quietly as you searched around the internet. You were finding sources with ease, jotting down notes in your notebook while you typed away to look for more. Choso, however, seemed to be having a tougher time. "What exactly are you searching for?" Choso leaned over, nearly touching your shoulder with his chest as he peered over his screen. His smoky scent was heavy, hairs in one of his ponytails nearly tickling your face. Your breathing hitched out of nerves from his proximity, mentally scolding yourself for letting him get the best of you. "The topic, quite honestly," you said simply, swallowing to get your heart out of your throat and back into your chest. "You know...'human resource strategies in large firms versus small firms. That's it...really." Choso sat back and slumped in his chair. "I'm just getting nothing," he had a hint of anger in his voice, likely frustration from his lack of contribution. It was your turn to lean over him. You grabbed the edges of his laptop and moved it in your direction for ease of access, though still finding yourself stretched over across his lap - elbow on the table as you typed. "You have a lot of split ends," he picked at a few of your loose hairs. You shot back in offense. "Don't touch me," you scolded, sitting straight in your chair. He blinked at you but otherwise kept a flat expression. "Just pointing it out," he shrugged, "sorry." "I don't need your comments on my body, thanks," you rolled your eyes through a furrowed brow.

"How's your mom's wedding planning going?" He asked, changing the subject as you returned to your computer.

"That's a random personal question," you typed away on your keyboard while he remained still.

"I just remembered that our parents both got engaged on the same night; I just thought it could be a way we could talk like civilized people," he said in his monotone voice.

"Oh," you felt like an ass for being so rude then, "right. It's going well, I guess. They've picked a date for this summer. It's a bit rushed if you ask me."

"I guess so," he replied, "my father's getting married around the same time. Pretty funny, huh?"

"Y-yeah," you stuttered and stared at him, losing focus for just a moment but quickly returning to your work.

Once you got Choso rolling on the research, you both actually ended up making some headway on the project. You agreed to meet each Saturday until the end of the semester in order to finish it. Ultimately, it was to be the final exam of the course - a final presentation. It made you all the more determined to make sure he did his part and understood it.

The two of you exited the library together and just as you had thought on the way in, it was dumping buckets. You sighed and hiked your backpack up over your head, grumbling inaudible words to yourself as you were about to step out from the overhang. You felt a tug on the neck of your shirt as Choso held you back. You had one leg out into the world as you were being tilted the opposite direction by his pull.

"Here," he said quietly, taking off his black hoodie. You let your backpack fall down and watched with doe eyes as he tossed the hoodie over your head. It immediately smelled of him: smoke, aged tobacco leaves, leather, and ambered musk. (AN: I'm describing the Humidor candle by Yankee Candle. It 100% smells like what I think he'd smell like. At least in the case of this fanfic. c: )

"Thanks, you really didn't need to do that..." you mumbled from under the fabric, lifting it with the back of your hand so you could see him - now in a white t-shirt. "You're going to the same station, right? Want to walk with me?"

"Sure," he proceeded to take out the rubber bands that held his hair up. His black strands perfectly framed his face as he pushed the bands around his wrist. "Don't like to take out hair ties with wet hair," he briefly explained, "hurts."

The both of you then ventured out into the rain, quickly getting drenched. The sweater he gave you dampened but you were mostly okay in regard to wetness when you reached the station. You removed it as you entered.

"Thanks again," you took the sweater from your head and outstretched it to him but your mouth quickly went dry when you saw him. He was ringing out the soaked shirt he wore. When he released it, the soaked fabric clung to each muscle of his abdomen. He was perfectly  sculpted. You'd have never guessed considering he layered up quite often.

"Keep it for now," he refused, taking the ends of his shirt and wagging them to try and dry it faster. "You'll need it for when you get off at your stop." You blushed and Choso looked toward the ceiling with a smirk in response to your pinker color.

A train then pulled into the station, the incoming air helping dry the two of you a bit more. The doors popped open and you allowed others to get out before entering by yourself.

"See you on Monday," you waved gently behind you, turning around once you were on the train. The doors snapped shut once you were aboard.

As the train lurched forward, Choso waved in your direction with the smallest smile on his face. You gave a small wave in return. He continued waving until you were out of sight.

[fbfh]

dear baby; strawberry milkshakes - leo x reader parents au

words: 1.8k

summary: You and Leo are getting used to adulting together, when Chiron asks for your help. Next thing you know, there’s a little demigod for you two to take care of - and you’re not going to let her down.

warnings: almost boning but getting interrupted, shit is said twice, one use of fucking I think, mentions of orphanages and the foster care system, mentions of CPS, being at a CPS building, adopting a child, leo has trauma, leo and reader take in a child when you’re both 19, technically teen parents but not really, the kid has some trauma too, everyone has trauma but literally what’s new

au: sort of college + parents au

song recs: raining in new york mix - the bootleg boy (tw for some sort of sad dialogue samples), falling in love with love - bernadette peters in cinderella (1997)

a/n:  I saw a kids book called Sophia Valdez Future Prez and I know nothing about it but immediately knew I had to do a parents au where you and Leo have a daughter named sophia???????? also I accidentally gave myself baby fever whoopsie

also I was barely able to proof read this and had no brain while writing half of it so if the beginning feels rushed at all that’s why teehee

Straddling his lap, you start to take off Leo’s shirt. He tilts his head to the side as you nip at the skin gently. He moans softly, then tenses. 

"Shit!" He hisses, sitting up and pulling your shorts back up. You look at him bewildered, and he nods his head to the side, and you see a shimmery cloud that says that you have an incoming iris message from Chiron.  

"Oh shit," you echo, moving to a reasonable distance away from him, a thick throw blanket tossed gracefully across your legs and pulled up to cover your chest, and you're grateful your shirt hadn't been thrown across the room already. 

He pulls his shirt down and you toss him a throw pillow to cover his very obvious excitement. You give each other a ready as we'll ever be look and accept the call. 

"Hey Chiron… what's up?" Leo asks nonchalantly. 

"You must pardon my intrusion, dear children, I hope I'm not - er - interrupting anything.” “No, no, not at all,” you answer, hoping what you had been doing wasn’t too obvious in spite of how both of you are looking particularly flushed and deschevled, “we were just watching a movie.” 

Leo nods in agreement, and you list two different movies at the exact same time, the dark knight rises and moonstruck.

A beat passes, and you continue, “Double feature. Just finished Batman and we’re about to start Moonstruck.” 

Leo agrees. You can’t tell if Chiron is buying it, but he seems to move on relatively quickly. 

“Right. I’m afraid I must ask for your help with a rather time sensitive situation.” your brows furrow in unicen as he continues. 

He tells you about a young demigod a satyr found, not even four years old yet, but they haven’t been able to get her to camp. Apparently there were some complications, and CPS was called, now they’re looking for her parents to see if she’s going to a foster home or orphanage. If they can’t get to her before the CPS finishes processing her, she’ll be lost in the system. He’s asking older demigods and demigod families in New York, since processing time will go the fastest if the family or guardians are in-state. 

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but please consider taking her in, at least temporarily.” You and Leo share a look, hearts already hurting that life has gotten to this kid so soon. 

“I’ll give you some time to discuss this, please call me back as soon as you have an answer.” 

You agree, and the shimmery image of Chiron dissipates.

“... Oh my god,” you breathe. 

You turn to each other again, the same thing mirrored in each other's eyes. An immediate, unspoken conformation that there’s no way you can’t help this kid out passes between you. You know Leo, especially, will do whatever needs to be done to keep another orphaned demigod out of the foster system. The scope of the impact you could have on this kid’s life starts to dawn on you, and you lock eyes with Leo again, his face set in determination. 

“Estrella,” he starts, and you know what he’s going to say. 

“I know,” you confirm in agreement.

His leg is bouncing, and you lean over, grabbing a notepad and pen from the coffee table. Your mind is already racing, and you begin scribbling down a list of everything you’d need to do; get her a bed and clothes, research where she is in her developmental stages, put together a meal plan or at least some foods she’ll like - what do toddlers even eat? He starts pacing around the coffee table. 

“We gotta help this kid, we-” he cuts himself off, overwhelmed with determination. 

“We will.” you confirm, equally determined. You grab your laptop and start copying your list digitally so you can get everything organized. You stare at your reflection in the black screen while you wait for your computer to boot up. Once again, the reality of your situation hits you.

“We’re 19…” you state, in disbelief. Your mind is racing with doubts. What if you somehow make everything worse, what if you can’t handle it? He crouches next to you, placing his hand on your cheek.

“And we have a lot of love to give.” The smile in your eyes tells him that you know he’s right. You transcribe your writing, surprised that you’re okay with how fast this is all moving, and you let out another breathy laugh of disbelief. 

You go through your hastily made checklist, switching between tabs about child psychology, parenting advice, and kid’s furniture and clothes websites, strategizing with Leo on how you can pull this off, and a plan gradually comes together.

“I mean, this is a two bedroom,” he says as you look through pages of bed frames and mattresses, “we can clear out our studio and turn it into her room.” 

“And…” you add, checking yet another tab, “there’s a building nearby that rents out studio spaces and workshop areas. Ooh, and free parking.” you read on the website. It’s already late, but you send them an email anyway. Hopefully they’ll get back to you tomorrow. But for now… 

“We can get a bed tonight, but we’d have to hurry. We can probably get some pjs and maybe a stuffed animal while we’re there- toothbrush!” You exclaim, adding it to your list, “I knew I was forgetting something…”

 Leo stops pacing, and looks at you. “So… we’re doing this?” You can’t fight the smile on your face, and he already has his answer. 

“We’d better call Chiron back,” you say, excitedly bubbling out. You both enter the bathroom, and iris message chiron with mist from the shower. He answers almost immediately.

“We thought it over and…” you trail off, letting him finish.

“We want to help.” 

After changing into some presentable clothes and swinging by the store for a car seat and some other essentials (you almost forgot tooth paste this time), you’re driving with Leo to meet Chiron at the CPS office where they had Sophia - the girl Chiron told you about. You call the Ikea store not too far from your apartment, thankful you’re able to reach them before they close. You arrange to have them deliver a toddler bed to the spare bedroom in your apartment, your neighbor agreeing to let them in. Luckily, you had the presence of mind to get most of your and Leo’s stuff out of there, the corner of the living room now holding your desk and his drafting table. 

You’re still a little blurry on the details of how you’re going to get custody of this kid when you’re barely legal and have no ties to her or her family, but Chiron said he could work everything out. You assume the Mist will come in very handy. You and Leo discuss this on the way over. 

You can tell he’s worried. Knowing the horrors he went through in the foster system would be bad enough without all the demigod bullshit on top of everything. You take another deep breath. 

“This is what’s best for her,” he says matter of factly, “she needs to be with people who understand her.” You agree, and he continues, very fired up.

“She needs to be in an environment where she’s not going to be ignored and ostracized; she needs to be part of a family, not a fucking meal ticket.” 

You squeeze his leg supportively, and he takes another breath. 

“You’re right. And she’s going to get all of that.” He scoffs in agreement.

“There’s not a better place for someone like her than-”

“With someone like her.” you finish. He pulls into the parking lot and you enter, meeting Chiron in the building. Your hand holds Leo’s tightly, unsure of who’s shaking more. Chiron explains that he already had a discussion (wink wink) with the social worker, and knows that he has the perfect couple to take little Sophia in, and all you have to do is meet with her and sign some papers. 

So that brings you here, waiting outside the office door, holding each other’s trembling hands before finally entering. She doesn’t look up at you at first, until the social worker introduces you. Leo squeezes your hand, and she finally looks up, her eyes speaking a language you and Leo know. You know there is absolutely no going back from here, and you both sit down across from her. 

“Hi, you’re Sophia, right?” She looks away, clearly and understandably overwhelmed. 

“Don’t be rude, Sophia-” the social worker starts, but you cut her off. 

 “It’s okay, she didn’t do anything wrong.” you turn back to her, “You know, me and Leo have an extra bedroom at our apartment, and a kitten that I think would really like you. Do you want to come stay with us?” 

She doesn’t look back up right away, but she turns her head towards you. 

“Is it a boy or a girl?” she asks softly. How is she so precious already?

“A girl,” you reply, “named Jackhammer, because she purrs so loud.” 

She giggles, and you and Leo squeeze each other’s hands in unison.

“Really?” she asks. 

“Oh yeah,” you reply, “I’m sure she’d love to play catch the mouse with you.” She considers for a moment, then looks over at the social worker, who gives her an encouraging nod. After a moment of consideration, she replies quietly, “...Okay.” 

She hops down from her chair, and you both follow suit. The social worker hands you some papers, and you both sign. You guide her to the lobby, let Chiron know it went well and promise to update him soon, and bring her to the car. You pull out of the parking lot. 

Not long after leaving, you see a fast food place. 

“Are you guys hungry?” you ask, nudging Leo gently. 

“Yeah, I could definitely go for some fries. How bout you Sophia?” 

She nods, then asks quietly, “Can I get a milkshake?” 

Her expression is hesitant, and you get the sense she’s expecting a no. 

“Of course kiddo,” you say.

“What flavor do you want?” Leo finishes, turning to look at her. Her eyes are bright with hesitant excitement. 

“Strawberry, please.” 

After leaving the drive through, you have Leo search through your phone for any kid friendly music, and discover the only thing you have saved that’s appropriate for present company is the soundtrack to the Cinderella musical from 1997.

That’s how your little family started; driving late at night, singing along to Bernadette Peters, and drinking strawberry milkshakes.

[rsmrymnt-tea]

I just played through the new HDD lessons and I... What????

The 3rd lesson specifically has me pulling at my hair. The cast is reduced to idiots once again!! We've got Dia, Barb, Luci, Sol, and Satan here at the party and yet the curse is still an issues?

Lucifer canonically is very good at breaking curses and what does he do? We're to believe Solomon and Satan have never heard of the curse and are therefore unaware of how to break it, and they also have no methods to work out the solution on their own??? And Dia has the power to reincarnate Lilith as a human (and keep the Celestial Realm from noticing) and Barbatos has unspecified time powers and they're both useless too?

Why are they asking the demons in the Little D's for help? It's so stupid. And also they are trying these solutions that the demons are suggesting! Does that mean that these are feasible ways to break a curse? Why is the cast doing the stuff but not the MC?

Not to mention the stakes are pretty pathetic? If you think about it I guess having your personality altered indefinitely sucks. But in the event MC only makes remarks that are barely meaner than their usual dialogue. They don't do anything to particularly risk their relationships or hurt anyone so???? And even though the cast is like oh no we have to hurry it's not as if there was an actual deadline imposed I'm just sjdsks what is happening?

Also pretty lame to just say that the demons we're returned to wherever once the curse was broken. That doesn't make sense, and it happened off screen. What was the point of having them here really??

- 🐝

I’m gonna yell this here, but for all the hype that the devs built up for this event—

IT IS SOoooOOOoOOO SHIT GRRRRRRRRRRR

Four fucking pages to one event and this is the best they can come up with? I’m as disappointed and upset as I was during the Art event where the most competent characters were also completely useless just to pad out the fucking thing when writing a decent story for it wouldn’t take such any strenuous stretch of the imagination.

Like… This is soooooooo stupid. If MC’s supposed to be sadistic now, why tf didn’t they just grab Valago and shake him like a maraca until he told them how to undo the curse?

Hell, why didn’t anyone else do that?

Why didn’t Solomon and Satan go off somewhere to begin researching the curse? Why tf couldn’t Dia do anything??? Don’t tell me some demon in the body of a Little D outdid the prince of the Devildom with a curse? And if MC was holding the protective stone and the bouquet the whole time why didn’t anyone think to use those instead right away??????????? My Disbelief Could Not Be Suspended At All And That Is Bad

And god, yeah. Why why why were they just going with the Little D’s suggestions when I cannot fucking imagine anything that they suggested as being ways to counter the curse? Especially if it’s not MC who’s doing any of it lmao???

Would’ve been fun if they did it like reverse Halloween where MC’s the unhinged one but nooo… Gotta go lukewarm! Which I guess they have to since not everyone wants to be mean to the boys but then why go with a personality change as a curse in the first place if they’ll give the option to be nice?

And yeah, I thought we’d like, have those little buggers stick around for a little bit now that they’ve had their fun? But no, I guess not? We don’t find out anything about them at all????

Then the side boys all go home if you don’t take the story key route??????????

The nicest part I guess was the end with the photo album but I wish that part stretched a couple more chapters. Like wouldn’t it be nice for them to talk more about how much they love and appreciate MC? Without the influence of gems? Would’ve nice if some of the Gem event dialogue went here instead…

Are we just not the crowd for the events or something? Because half the time they just grind my gears with how stupid they make everyone for the sake of forcing it to go longer. The entirety of Part 3 just shouldn’t exist.

The whole thing certainly didn’t feel like the pleasant surprise that I was hopping for :/

[woniepop]

girly girls

Pairing: Kang Taehyun x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings: bullying, cursing

Genre: slice of life; fluff; angst

Summary: Three times a popular girl and a nerd were enemies, and one time where they weren’t

a/n: this fic was inspired by my all time favorite movie, Legally Blonde. I enjoyed writing this fic and I really hope you enjoy reading it :)

Y/N L/N has never been someone who liked to be cast in the shadows. Always being the center of attention, y/n has become one of the, if not the most, popular girls in her town. Homegirl is always dressed like an icon even when doing mundane tasks. Girls like her have never really been into anything “nerdy.” She associates herself with more of the bimbo kind, if you will. It was never really a secret, but she studies incredibly hard to get the chance to go to her dream school and become a great computer scientist. Being in such a large friend group of female fashion icons, there was never really anyone who wanted to talk about topics with math or computer science. 

Kang Taehyun, however, is this awkward and incredibly smart boy. Never really associated with popularity, he’s only had about four friends in his life and absolutely no dating experience. He’d always been one to shy away from attention. At most times, he found himself quietly observing others. All this, and he’s still what you would consider the teacher’s pet. He gets all his assignments done, A’s on every test, and raises his hand for every question. As a computer science enthusiast, he has worked his butt off his entire life, filling his schedule with robotics clubs, different languages of code, and coding camps. Senior year was his year. He had finally got into his dream school, TXT Tech, and had already created a very very detailed plan for the future.

Currently, Y/n’s mother was constantly trying to persuade her about fashion school. Having an incredibly fashionable mom wasn’t always the best for situations like these. TXT Tech results were coming out, and even though Y/n was confident she was getting in, there’s still the chance she might have not. Nervously waiting in front of her laptop, she sits impatiently refreshing the page for her results. Within one sentence she hops up from her chair in awe. Obviously attending the school was going to be a big turning point for her, and she was so excited to have been admitted to TXT Tech. 

As Y/n got settled on campus, she finds no one else that looks like her. Obviously, because she stands out, all attention is drawn to her. She’s confident, stylish, and hot. In a sea of gray and tan business outfits, Y/n wears a nice pink pantsuit. She’s relishing in all the attention, not seeming to mind that it’s not good, because she knew she looked good. 

Her first encounter with Taehyun couldn’t have gone worse. Walking to her class, pink drink in hand, she struts confidently to the lecture hall for her computer engineering class. Not paying attention to where she was going, she bumps into a tall figure. This clearly wasn’t the best way you could go about your first day, but all Y/n could do was apologize. 

“I’m so sorry, sir. I didn’t see where I was going and-” she rambled. Pausing in the middle of looking up, a very handsome and slightly awkward boy stands there, obviously pissed off and very annoyed. He scoffs and continues on his way to his next class.

Her second encounter with Taehyun was not great either. Clicking her high heels against the floor, she walks to her first class of the day. She had to get there early, she always had to sit in the front of the class. Taehyun on the other hand, nose buried deep in his book, walks directly to the middle. Despite loving programming, he could only handle so much attention. The class had started off well for Y/n, reviewing the class syllabus of “Principles of Programming Languages.” Taehyun, however, was pissed. He had not been called on once and was so frustrated. 

“Y/n, can you tell me the five most commonly used languages of code?” the professor asks smugly. Y/n knew what he was doing. She was being set up. She knew he thought she didn’t know and that lit a fire in her. 

“Python, Java, Javascript, C#, and C” she answers confidently. Hearing this, the professor nods his head. He wasn’t expecting that. 

Taehyun saw this as a perfect opportunity. His hand shoots up and he comments, “Sir, that’s actually incorrect. C++ is actually more popular because although C  has served as the foundation for writing languages like Python and Ruby, C++ is a newer language of code and therefore is compatible with more technology.” Taehyun confidently looks down to wear Y/n sits and smirks. Of course she wouldn’t know that. She’s only the popular rich girl that got in with Daddy’s money. She didn’t actually know anything, right?

It had been a few months since school had started, and finals were just about to come around. For this class’ final, they had to submit a partner project and code a simple game. At this point, it had been very blatantly established that Y/n and Taehyun were enemies. They despised each other. Always competing with each other in class, snickering when the other person got annoyed. It was a silent war between the two of them and everyone could feel the tension in the air. Obviously, it was no surprise they always came up at the top of the class, interchanging the first spot every test. What was surprising, however, was seeing their names together on the partner project roster. 

Taehyun was furious. College was supposed to be his bitch, but now he’s acting like Y/n’s bitch. He was so pissed off. Computer science was supposed to be where he had the upper hand. The one place he could feel himself. Where he was finally better than the stupid popular kids. And yet, he’s here, competing with one of them. It wasn’t fair. She was a girly girl, she wore bright colors everyday, she even had a sparkly notebook. How was she so smart? There was no way, it’s just the laws of the universe. You had to choose between looks and intelligence. That’s just what the gods above said. There’s no take backsies. 

It’s no secret that Y/n is a fashionable girl and having a female centric hobby isn’t really something applauded at this university. Knowing of Y/n’s insecurities, let’s talk about Taehyun’s. Having always worn non adventurous, boring, clothing, he’s known from the very beginning that Y/n’s beauty has helped her in life. Life is never fair, and it shows. Taehyun never ever got those advantages, and now here he is competing with someone just as smart as him. 

 As his jealousy grows in the back of his mind, he decides to use this time to take revenge. The next few days are spent typing away in the library, collaborating and researching for hours upon hours. Knowing that this project was worth 40% of their grade, they spent all their time trying to make this game perfect. 

The day of the presentation of their near perfect game rolls around and Y/n was confident. She had spent countless nights coding this with Taehyun and on her own. Starting the presentation off, Taehyun pulls up a game completely different to the one Y/n coded with him. “In this day and age, gaming has become a hobby more popular than it’s ever been. With platforms like twitch and youtube, all different types of games can catch the eyes of a wide audience. With this in mind, I’d like to present to you Jackbox Party Pack 8. Roleplay games have become the genre of choice for many gamers to play, and viewers to watch.” 

This was not the first person shooter Y/n had coded with him. What was he doing? Y/n stood there, not really knowing what to say. Opening and closing her mouth, she couldn’t form any words. She should have known this was a set up. “Ms. L/n, please continue.” The professor says. She couldn’t. She felt like she was frozen. She was so embarrassed and she should’ve seen it coming. With cheeks welling up in her eyes, she runs out of the classroom. 

With a smirk, Taehyun continued on, explaining how the game worked and how he had coded it. He had spent the past few nights coding it by himself and he was incredibly proud. Paying no mind to Y/n, he stood tall and smiled throughout his entire presentation. Obviously, like any normal person, guilt started growing quickly in the back of his mind. He finally realized he had fucked up. 

Running after Y/n, Taehyun felt incredibly guilty. He had taken the competition too far, and now he’d made someone innocent fail a required class. After running for what felt like hours, he found Y/n crying under a tree. He knelt down and offered her some tissues. Aggravated, she smacks the tissues away and tells him to leave.

Y/n, on the other hand, felt so angry. How could he do this to her? She hadn’t done anything wrong, and if he didn’t like the way she dressed or the way she conducted herself that was fine. All she needed was her to believe in herself and that got her into TXT Tech. While thinking about all the ways she could end Taehyun, she feels arms wrap around her. They’re 🤮Taehyun’s. Before she can rip his arms off, he speaks up. 

“Look Y/n, I’m really sorry about that whole thing I pulled back there. I’ll talk to the professor and give him the real project. I really took it too far and I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” He begs. 

“Um,, no? I don’t care? That was literally so embarrassing. If you really wanted to make it up to me you’d leave me alone.” Y/n pushes him off her harshly and storms off. How dare he? It probably took his two seconds to come up with that half assed apology. This was unbelievable. 

Y/n started trudging through the grass back to her dorm. All she wanted to do was take a warm shower and cry in her bed. She hated everyone. She wanted him to suffer just as much as she did, but she couldn’t do that. 

After two whole days of sobbing in her bed, she decided she was craving her signature pink drink. She really didn’t feel like going out, but delivering one drink would cost like $15. Y/n throws on a casual pink outfit. It’s very different from what she wore at the beginning of the school year, but the one thing that never changed was the color pink. Even in her depressive mood, she still wanted to dress up. She felt most comfortable wearing stylish clothing, that was her home. 

Stepping into the store, she sees Taehyun sitting at a table alone. You know when you see old people sitting along and you feel so bad for them you start tearing up? Like what if they lost their spouse or something :(((((. So anyway, Taehyun gives her lonely old people energy and regardless of what he did to her, she decides to keep him company. 

“Hey, um, can i sit here?” Y/n asks. Taehyun was so surprised. She wanted to sit with him? But he was so mean to her? He nodded his head and sat quietly. The past two days she could tell Taehyun had done a lot of thinking. She could tell he did it because he felt threatened. That wasn’t enough to forgive him, but at least she was being nice about it. 

Taehyun gets up and leaves. He comes back with a pink drink in hand, maybe as an apology. “I really want to apologize to you again, Y/n. Yesterday I don’t know if you saw, but the professor graded the actual project instead, and I had told him everything and that I’d deserve it if he failed me instead.” Y/n wanted to be happy but she wasn’t. She didn’t want him to fail after helping her code the game with her. Maybe she was so nice to him because she had matured, or maybe because she felt something different in Taehyun. Even so, a little embarrassment, she thought, wasn’t enough to cause a person to fail their whole class. Holding his hand on the table, she nods, a silent way she decided to forgive him. 

“Well, at least we’re not the worst team. I think group 7 coded a Niki Minaj roblox world.” Taehyun jokes. 

She laughs. “That’s so funny, what the heck? I guess we just have some hardcore barbs in this class.” People like Taehyun and people like Y/n were never meant to be friends in the first place, but maybe now they were starting to. Y/n, who was always challenging the term “girly girl.” Who always stressed that you have to believe in yourself when the rest of the world is against you. Y/n who became successful, without changing who she was. Y/n, who was feminine and wanted to show that was never a weakness. And Taehyun, who was always unadventurous. Who was never into fashion but still managed to pull off his nerdy outfits with his cute face. The passionate Taehyun whose only hobby seemed like studying. Gossiping for hours at the cafe, they realized this. They were starting to become friends. No one ever expected them to even be able to hold a friendly conversation, but here Y/n was, challenging everyone again. 

[morgansmoreid]

Secrets  • Derek Morgan • Three

Fic Masterlist

Name: Happy Moments and Old Friends

Warnings: Sexual Content

(Italics Stand For Flashbacks)

Y/n lets go of her father's hands and switches the suitcase to her other side. She hates the man before her but she still leans in and presses a small kiss to his cheek, pulling back to examine him. Clean, is the word she would use to describe him. Colored hair and a shaved face, her father looked younger than she could pin him.

"Is it still the same?" Y/n points to the glass door. "It's been so long."

Y/F/N only nods and turns to hold the door for the three agents. Y/n goes in last, goosebumps on her arms from the seconds no one watches the two. But as Y/F/N makes no moves, she slowly calms down and ignores the looks she gets. She's her father's twin, she knows that, but from the way she carried herself past years, she can see the shock in some people's eyes as the badge resides on the band of the pants.

"Here." Y/F/N takes the three agents into the big conference room. The room Y/n was never allowed to go in, the one that held every meeting that pulled her father away from her life, the one she dreaded.

Y/F/N didn't follow Derek, Penelope, and Y/n into the room, leaving them to interrogate.

"Fields?" Derek was a little hurt and the sudden front his partner put on.

"Not now." Y/n shut down any further questions and walked past her team members to start the step up. The board looked clean halfway through, papers in order, and information that Y/n wrote up made it easier on Penelope, who was still giving Y/n the cold shoulder.

The silence the three create as they work is not tense. Frankly, the only sounds are Y/n's nails against her tablet and Penelope's keys being clacked against her research, mixed in with a little bit of Derek's blocky writing against his yellow pad.

Well, it was silent, until the door busted open with an angry man coming in and screaming at Y/n. "You should have answered my damn text!" He screamed, walking towards her, causing her to step out of her seat and back to the nearest wall. Derek did the same but in the protection of his girlfriend. "I was worried sick and you couldn't even bother to text me a quick answer? What the fuck is that about?" The man is still screaming until he is shut down by Derek.

"Excuse you!" He walks forward, his body still protecting Y/n's. "Watch yourself and who you talk to like that!" Derek isn't screaming like Deputy James, the tag on his uniform reads. Deputy James Diaz. But Derek's tone is indeed strict. It's rare anyone hears him speak as he did moments ago, even on cases. Daiz steps down. Derek doesn't move his body from Y/n but she moves from behind him to next to him.

"We can talk about this later." She looked him straight in the eye. Fear from her father still ran through Y/n's bloodstream as she spoke, but Y/n stood her ground and watched James slowly back up before he left the room himself. His face too looked cleaner and he overall looked better. It's hard to look at James from the last time they were alone together, but that didn't stop Y/n from seeing the differences.

For years and years, he kept quiet about his feelings to the woman next to him. Her hair smelled like flowers as she laid on his shoulder, hands connected as they watched the stars off of his apartment building roof.

"You are one the reasons I still come back to the wretched town, James," Y/n spoke truthfully. "You are the one friend that has always stayed by me."

James only smiled and looked at Y/n. She sits up from his shoulder and they meet eyes. It's regular to her so she doesn't stop him when his hand caresses her cheek. It's not regular when his lips meet hers and at first she wants to say something. But he kisses her again and she doesn't stop him. Y/n gets pulled in closer and lets James run his hand on her back.

"Should we?" Y/n's words drift.

"I've wanted to for as long as I could imagine." James honestly replied.

"Who was that?" Penelope finally spoke up.

"The deputy. Also, an old friend that I fell out of touch with."

"And what is talking about you not answering his text? What is going on here?" Derek pushed his writing pad aside.

"My high school reunion is in 4 days, on Saturday. James and a few others texted me because everyone wanted to know I was coming, I didn't reply because I didn't expect to be here." Y/n speaks fast, and if years with Spencer didn't help the two in the past, it helped them now as they picked up every word.

"And you didn't say anything? We could have made it if you were concerned about work-"

"I didn't want to go in the first place," Y/n spoke words that had less meaning of what she truly meant. Derek nor Penelope continued the conversation after that and tried to get back to work. It was only 8 A.M in the hot state and as much as they needed coffee, no one wanted the shitty police coffee they get every case.

20 minutes passed and Penny headed out to find a bathroom. Derek still hadn't said anything and only fiddled with his pen as his mind stayed blank. Eyes stayed on the filled page as the sound of Y/n getting up from her chair played in his ears. He tried to ignore her as he could until she placed a hand on his shoulder. No, he didn't shove her off or push her away, even though his muscles tensed.

"Babe.." Y/n called, turning her head to the closed door and the blinded window next to her before turning back. "I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"Yea. You should've." Derek scoffed, leaning himself back in the office chair he resided in. "I mean come on Y/n, this is the type of thing we are supposed to talk about."

"I know. I know." Y/n easily fits herself between the conference table and Derek. "I just can't be here and didn't want to think about it so I just ignored it in general, and I am so so sorry I didn't tell you." Derek takes Y/n's hands and closes them in his.

"It's ok, just.., let's get to the bottom of this case so we can go home ok?" Y/n nods and leans down pressing a small kiss to Derek's lips.

"How about we get this day over and at least hit the hotel? Wouldn't that be nice, daddy?" She smirked and whispered, the door making her pull away before she could receive an answer. Penelope sat down, more focused while the two soon joined her. It was just the three in the room for a while. When Aaron and Emily joined them first, evidence came with them, leaving Y/n to add it to the board.

"Y/L/N, you're 29 right?" Penelope finally spoke to the woman.

A small mhm left Y/n as she peeled the glove from her hand.

"But Christina and Rose are 32? How would you guys share the same reunion?"

But before Y/n could answer the given question, Aaron had his own.

"Reunion? You didn't say anything?"

"Small high school reunion for all. Not just for the seniors, we don't do that here. Technically, I still have 3 left to go because this year would be their senior year." Y/n clarified. "I didn't need to say anything because I don't ever come back to the place. Not for birthdays, weddings, I'm the black sheep that everyone knows."

And with that, Y/n proudly shut down the unwanted questions her way. Aaron looked over to Derek, surprised when he seemed equally confused. Y/n didn't say she knew the victims, but she talked about them as if she did and Aaron wrote it down as questions to bring up when his subjects came in for questioning later that day.

Penelope's profile and research grew more as the team was reunited again but she still didn't understand why or who was targeting these women.

"I set up times for everyone Hotch," Penelope closed tabs on her computer. She tried to stay focused but after 3 hours and more looking at horrible crime photos, she needed her baby kittens and pandas.

"Good, thank you," Aaron said, leaving the question in the air. "Lunch anyone? We all have to be hungry."

"Yea, any good places?" David put down his own work before turning over to Y/n.

"I'll ask around."

"You don't remember any?" A voice at the door spooked everyone.

"Nope." Y/n popped the P. Now that she was around her team, her father didn't scare her. Confidence boosted around her.

Spencer looked between Y/F/N and Y/n multiple times before saying some of the others were thinking. "Is he your brother? You both look identical!"

"No!" Y/n responded offended. Yes, her father cleaned up his act but there was no way he looked that young. "And it's not important, the only thing I remember is a diner about 15 minutes from here."

"It is important, I'm her father. But Y/n's right, there is a diner called Happy's 10 minutes west." He crossed his arms and rested his face. His eyebrow twitched, but Y/n ignored it and looked past him, out to the open.

"Not that important," She mumbled. "Let's go eat, I'll drive."

Y/n followed her father into the '80s themed diner. She stood behind him and watched as he tapped the bell.

"Hey, Lennie! Wanted to get me a coffee and my Daredevil a bagel before I headed in for the day, can you whip it up for us?" Y/F/N talked to the manager that had walked out of the back. The stupid nickname Y/n had since she was four made Lennie look at her, giving her a half-wave that she gave back.

"Sure Bud, on the house for our favorite sheriff and his wonderful daughter."

Y/n pulled the car into park and Aaron did the same. The team was large, one vehicle wasn't nearly enough. Y/n was the first to get out, holding open the door for everyone. The diner was almost empty. Only one woman resided in the back, her hair so long that her face was covered by it. She didn't want to be seen, that was clear. Y/n tapped the bell and waited for someone to come out, shocked, to say the least when Lennie came out.

"Lennie!" She said happily, putting a smile on the old man's face.

"Daredevil! You're back!" Lennie walked around the counter and hugged Y/n like never before. It was soon he learned why she got the name daredevil and it stuck until now.

"I am back, and pretty hungry, you still have those magic skills of yours?"

"You know it! Come sit, come sit," Lennie walked over to a booth and seated everyone. He more than happily took everyone's order and every so often he checked on the lady who sat in the back. For once, Y/n was happy to be home. Dipping her fries in the milkshake, true laughter ran from Y/n. For once, no one was pushing her. For once, everything was calm.

Lennie insisted that lunch was on the house and he had it covered, but Y/n still slipped that 100 dollars bill in his pocket like it was nothing. She hopped back into the driver's seat and led the way down the street, window open and the air humid now that the sun was fully out.

The time that displayed itself on her watch said 2:35. They had been out for less than 2 hours, and it was the best time she has had here in a while. Y/n walks into the station with a small smile and joins the team back to the conference room. Everyone is in a better mood. Work comes to them naturally and the only thing that stops the peaceful space is James.

"There has been another body- Daniela Choi."

[onceuponaloonatic]

so it turned into 8K oops... anyway this is like a samihyo prequel of sorts? please enjoy !!

tw: panic attacks, mentions of abuse, separation anxiety, and vomit

Mina wouldn’t say she loved her job. She didn’t hate it, of course, she had been the one who had decided to become a Japanese literature professor in the first place, but she didn’t love it either. She liked teaching, and all of her students had always raved about how good she was at lecturing and how she always took the time to properly answer their questions. She was fine with writing and grading tests, she always tried to write fair game tests that were designed with the idea most of her students could pass it, provided they put in the work to pass. None of those things ever really bothered, there was only one thing Mina absolutely hated about her job. And that was grading essays.

Since she taught a literature class, she knew she had to assign essays. The logical part of her knew they were important educational tools to help her students further their understanding of literature, but the illogical part of her never wanted to assign them. Because grading them took so much energy and always took so long. “You look like you're having a good time.” She loved Sana. She really did. But she couldn’t help but want to wipe that stupid smirk off of her face as she looked at Mina. Sana taught physics, so essays weren’t something she had to assign very often if at all. Of course Sana still had to grade homework assignments and tests, but they usually were a lot quicker to grade than essays. “I hate you.” Mina rolled her eyes, flipping to the next page. The essay she was grading had so many issues, she could tell it was written at four am probably after a couple cups of coffee. This was one of the reasons she hated teaching the lower-level classes, the essays were always so messy and rushed. “You know I’m joking right?” Sana wrapped her arms around Mina from behind. “I doubt it sometimes.” Mina sighed, relaxing in Sana’s arms. “Did you need something or are you just here to hug me?” “Hug you,” Sana answered easily. “Jihyo is busy with office hours and I needed to hug one of you or I would go crazy.” “My office hours start soon too Sana.” One quick glance to her clock and she knew they would be starting in fifteen minutes. “Don’t you have a lecture soon?” “I do.” Sana yawned. “Just a little longer. You know I didn’t sleep well last night.” “And who’s fault is that?” Mina questioned with a raised eyebrow. “Last night was your idea.” “Well I wasn’t the one who got carried away now am I?” Sana giggled. “I would have been satisfied after one.” “You're lying and you know it.” Mina rolled her eyes. “Anyway, you have a doctor's appointment after your class today.” “Oh fuck.” Sana cursed. “I forgot.” She let out a loud whine as she tightened her grip on Mina. “I wanted to go home and nap.” 

“We can reschedule.” Mina nodded.

“No. This is important.” Sana sighed. “We’ve been at this for so long. There’s really no point in giving up now.” “I know.” Mina sighed, tilting her head back to look Sana in the eyes. “This isn’t your fault, you know that right?” 

“I know. Who knew having a baby was so difficult.” Sana did have a point. They were already almost four years into trying to have a baby. Originally, Mina had tried to carry, but after running some tests they found out she was infertile. She really hadn’t been expecting that, and it had absolutely crushed her when she found out. They had taken some time away while they decided what to do next. Jihyo had been infertile ever since a car accident when she was young. They had known about that long before trying to have a baby, so they knew if they wanted to have a baby biologically Sana was their only real option. After a while, Sana decided to start trying to get the procedure. They were all already in their mid-thirties when Mina had first tried to get pregnant, and now four years later Sana had reached the point that if she did get pregnant it would be a geriatric pregnancy. It didn’t stop her from trying, but it had inhibited her fertility quite a bit. Waiting to have kids had sounded like a good idea for the three of them when they were young. Since all three of them were professors, they didn’t start with all the money in the world. Over time, it had accumulated and now they were quite comfortable, but it hadn’t started that way. Mina and Jihyo had both been on the fence about kids in the first place, and they had agreed only once they felt completely ready. Sana never wanted to rush them, so she had been patient. Of course, their friends had all had kids already. They would babysit them quite a bit, which usually fulfilled Sana’s desire to be around kids for a while. Once they finally were ready, things were suddenly much harder. They had wasted almost a year and a half with Mina, and between that and deciding to start again with Sana, time had just made things hard. They had agreed that if by the time Sana turned forty she wasn’t pregnant they were going to give up and try to find another way. Adoption was always still possible, they had to remind themselves of that sometimes. “Tell me about it. Who knows though, maybe this time things will be different.” Sana giggled at her statement, kissing her forehead. “It’s nice you think that,” Sana whispered. “I should be getting ready for my class. I love you.” “I love you too. I’ll come to get you after my office hours end and we can walk over to the architecture building together okay?” Sana nodded happily at her statement. The two of them had lucked out, the physical sciences building and the literature building were right next to each other, so seeing each other was always easy. Jihyo on the other hand wasn’t as lucky, as the architecture building was all the way across campus. They all still made an effort to see each other at work, but it was difficult sometimes when Jihyo was almost a fifteen-minute walk away. “Yup. See you then.” Mina gave Sana another kiss as she left.

xx 

Mina had gotten to Sana’s classroom just in time to see the end of her lecture. She had always loved watching Sana talk about physics. Her wife was always so passionate about it, and she always looked so happy talking about things Mina could barely begin to understand. A lot of people were confused when Sana told them her job, thinking she didn’t look like or act like the type to be a physics professor, but Mina knew they were wrong. Sana loved physics, and teaching it had been a life dream of hers. Honestly, it was sometimes funny how different her and Sana’s jobs were. They were both professors, but how their classes were run and what they did was completely different. Sana did research projects, labs, and lectured while Mina did the opposite. She wrote and read theses, read essays, and spent most of her classes debating things with her students. Even the type of student they had were completely different. Sometimes one of Jihyo’s students would end up in one of Sana’s statics classes if she was teaching it that semester, and they could talk about the student at home. Mina sometimes felt jealous, but she also knew it would probably be weird for their students to have both of them when they were married. She also knew it would be weird if one of her students took a class with either of her wives, considering how completely different their departments were. “And make sure you finish problems 10 through 29 before the next class. We will be having a quiz next week over electrostatics and superposition so be sure to study. Have a good weekend!” And just like that students started to rush out of Sana’s class. It was a Friday afternoon, so Mina was sure most of them wanted to get home and let loose for the weekend. Her students were always like that on Fridays too. Some of them hung around after class to ask Sana questions, but Mina just waited for them to eventually trickle out to enter Sana’s classroom. “Hey darling.” Sana greeted her in Japanese. “Give me a moment to get my stuff.” “Of course.” Mina smiled at her, playing with the wedding band on her finger. “Take all the time you need.” Sana gathered a stack of papers off her desk, putting them safe in her work bag before going to erase the white board she had used to write one. Mina would offer her help, but she got a little lost just looking at the whiteboard. Sana’s handwriting was very neat, and she was sure if she had even the slightest clue what was happening in her wife’s class, following along with her work would be easy. But since physics had always gone so far over her head, she was just left to stare at it in confusion. Mina had sat in on one of Sana’s classes once, and she just spent the entire time so confused and struggling to keep up or pay attention. To be fair, the one time Sana sat into one of Mina’s classes, she fell asleep. Neither knew what was going on in the others subjects, but they enjoyed it. 

“Are Hyo’s office hours over yet?” Sana broke her out of her trance. She noticed the whiteboard was completely clean and Sana had her briefcase in one hand. “Oh they are about to be over. You know she always has to have long ones since she is dealing with senior design projects.” Mina looked at her smart watch. Sana and Jihyo had gotten it for her for Christmas. She had recently taken up working out with Momo, and it was nice for keeping track of that type of stuff. Though Sana and Jihyo would always make fun of her when she would obsessively stare at how many calories she burned a day or how many steps she took. She just told them it was nice to know those types of things. “Since it’s the end of the year I’m sure she has an office full of seniors freaking out about their projects.” “Probably. I’m happy the physics department doesn’t have senior design projects. I think Nayeon Unnie’s department has them too and she always gets so stressed this time of year. You think the kids would learn to stop procrastinating.” Sana yawned. “Didn’t you write your entire thesis like a few days before it was due?” Mina giggled at her wife.

“No. I wrote it two weeks before it was due.” Sana rolled her eyes. “Plus it was good anyway.” “It was good.” Mina knew nothing about physics but she knew it had been good enough to get published in some fancy physics journal. She had helped Sana edit it, but still to this day knew nothing of what her thesis was about. Something about string theory. Mina honestly still had no clue. “But you shouldn’t judge the students. You were the same way in college.” “Well I got away without having to panic and go to my teachers’ office hours at the last minute.” Sana mentioned, eyeing Mina. “I’m just that naturally intelligent.” “Uh-huh.” Mina rolled her eyes. “Naturally intelligent. Yeah that’s one way of putting it.” “Hey!” Sana pouted. “I’m kidding. You are very smart baby.” Mina leaned in to kiss Sana’s cheek. “Thank you.” Sana smiled. “You're very smart too.” “In a different way though.” Mina mentioned. “Physics has never made any sense to me.” “Well it’s not like literary analysis is something I have ever been able to do.” Sana giggled. “Literature classes were the bane of my existence in high school.” “I remember. You would always whine to me you had no idea how to write an essay.” Mina laughed, swinging their hands. “I still don’t.” Sana nodded, taking in a deep breath. It was starting to get warmer as summer was fastly approaching. With Mina’s birthday about a week in the past they knew that the weather was just going to get warmer and warmer. “You have written papers that have been published before.” Mina rolled her eyes.

“Yes but those aren’t essays. Writing those is fun, writing essays is not.” Sana answered. 

“You sound like my students. They hate essays too.” Mina giggled.

“Who doesn’t?” “I don’t.” “You hate grading essays.” Sana pointed out. “Grading essays is different.” Mina nodded. “Grading essays involves reading through so much bullshit, it always is so easy to tell who has no idea what’s going on. Plus I hate giving people bad grades.” “Even if they really deserve it?” Sana joked, getting her keycard out once they approached the architecture building so they could get in. “Yeah even then. Failing people isn’t fun.” “Well no it’s not fun, but there’s always that one student who doesn’t take your class seriously and doesn’t do any work and bombs all the tests. They deserve to fail.” Sana swiped her card and they went in. The doors were normally unlocked but since it was late on a Friday not all of them were. Some of the doors had been left unlocked for the students, but only really the ones by the main entrance. Since they always entered at a side entrance closer to Jihyo’s office, they always had to use their faculty key cards to get in. “Well yes I suppose. There was that one kid in my class who never turned in a single essay and left most of his final blank. I obviously had to fail him.” Mina had always liked the architecture building. The outside looked like all the other buildings on campus, but the inside was really pretty. She supposed that made sense for the college of architecture, but it was still nice to see. Jihyo’s office was right by the entrance, and there was a student in her office when they approached. She waved to them through her open door before turning back to the giant sheet of paper in front of her. The student looked tired and stressed, and Mina and Sana could both sympathize with her. Whatever she was working on looked like a lot. After a few minutes she seems to get her question answered, thanking Jihyo and leaving, her paper gathered in her arm and a cup of coffee in her free hand. “Hey baby.” Sana was the first one to give Jihyo a kiss on the cheek. “All done?” “Yup.” Jihyo nodded, stretching her back and looking Sana in the eyes. “Are you ready for your doctor's appointment?” 

“I think so. We’ve done this so many times before I honestly think I’m on autopilot with these things now.” Sana giggled. “Check in, go take a pregnancy test, get a negative, talk to our doctor, get a shot, hope it works, and then go repeat the process when it doesn’t.” 

“You never know. It could work this time.” Mina spoke up as she came in, Jihyo gesturing her over to her side so she could give her a kiss on the cheek. “It could.” Sana blew a chunk of hair out of her face. “But we say that every time.” “We never know though, Mina is right. It could work this time.” “Yeah.” Sana sighed. “We’ll see.” “Giving up is the worst thing we can do. Just stay positive.” Jihyo rubbed Sana’s leg affectionately, giving her the most positive smile she could. “It has to work eventually right?” “I suppose.” Sana hugged Jihyo tighter. “I hope it works soon.” “Me too darling.”

xx 

Sana had established a routine at the doctors appointments. They went the same every time, and after doing this for nearly two years they had just become habitual. At first she was a lot more emotional and excited for them, but now she had learned getting her hopes up too much would just hurt her in the end. She wanted it to work, she wanted it to work so badly, but she also knew she had no control on if it worked or not. The appointment progresses exactly like Sana predicted it would. She had been through this so many times, and who knew how many more times she was going to have to go through it. After it’s over, she makes Mina and Jihyo take her home so she can nap before she has to grade homework and eat dinner. They both happily let her nap, Jihyo going over some projects while Mina prepared dinner. They were used to this, Sana usually got tired after the procedure. They never knew if it was a side effect or it was something more emotionally based, but letting Sana sleep had always been good. “How was your day?” Mina hummed as she cooked. She had always enjoyed cooking, but cooking for the loves of her life was even better. Sana was a horrible cook, and they tried to only let her in the kitchen when it was something so easy even Sana couldn’t mess it up. Jihyo was better, and she would cook when Mina was tired, but she would be the first to admit she couldn’t even hold a candle to Mina’s cooking. Mina had grown up cooking with her mom and brother, it was something she just loved doing. She hoped their child would cook with Mina one day. “Okay.” Jihyo giggled as Mina worked. It was always so funny seeing Mina like this, being so adorable and domestic. Jihyo had loved it when they first moved in together, and she still loved it now. “Senior projects have eaten up my time again, like they do every year. What about you?” “Well I’ve read almost a hundred absolutely terrible essays about The Tale of Genji and a couple not so bad ones. No outstanding ones, but most of my students are burned out juniors, so that’s to be expected.” Mina answered honestly. “Teaching juniors is always so interesting. Most of the ones in my department are just trying to suck up to me because they seem to think I can get them an internship.” Jihyo laughed, putting her pen down and walking over to Mina, hugging her from behind. “But besides that, do you think it worked this time?” Jihyo and Mina always had conversations like this the day Sana got the procedure. They would wait until she was asleep to slip into the other room and ask each other if they really think it worked this time. They didn’t want to stress Sana out too much, so they tried to keep their honest opinions for quiet discussions when she was asleep. “I’m hopeful. The doctor said we have a fifty-fifty chance this time.” Mina nodded, her shoulders relaxing as Jihyo held her. “What do you think?” “I think it worked.” Jihyo answered honestly. “Well I mean we won’t know that for a while- but this time I feel lucky.” “You’ve said that before.” Mina giggled when Jihyo kissed the side of her neck, her hand twitching from where it was stirring the soup she was cooking. “Well I really believe it this time.” Jihyo retorted, leaving another butterfly kiss to Mina’s neck. “Just wait, you’ll see. I’m just worried about Sana, I’m scared she’s giving up. You know it will never work if she gives up.” “Well I hope you're right about it working, but I think Sana’s fine. She’s just trying not to get her hopes up too much every single time, I know she would do that when we first started and I think it became too much for her.” Mina was about to turn around and give Jihyo a kiss when Jihyo’s phone lit up, buzzing violently on the counter. Jihyo eyed it with an annoyed expression before Mina pushed her towards her phone.

“It’s just Nayeon.” Jihyo rolled her eyes, rejecting the call and putting her phone down.

“You should have answered it. It could have been important.” Mina giggled at her wife’s annoyance.

“It’s Nayeon, it’s never important.” Jihyo sighed when her ringer went off again. “I swear that woman doesn’t know when to give up.” “Well you may as well answer it. You know how Nayeon is, she’s going to keep pestering you until you answer.” Mina pointed out. “Fine.” Jihyo grumbled, accepting the call and putting Nayeon on speaker.“What do you want?” 

“Jihyo guess what?” “No.” Jihyo answered, causing Mina to giggle. “Rude. You were supposed to say what.” Nayeon huffed. “Anyway, we got another dog.” “You got a what?” Jihyo asked in disbelief. She knew Nayeon and Momo were both impulsive, but sometimes it astounded her how they were able to make big decisions like this so easily. “Yup. His name is Boo. Kazumi found him on her way home from school and begged to keep him.” Nayeon happily recounted. “You know you really should stop spoiling her.” Jihyo caught Mina’s eyes as she talked to Nayeon. She picked up her phone and brought it over to where Mina was, wrapping her arms around Mina’s waist from behind. “We don’t spoil her. We just make her happy.” Both Jihyo and Mina had to roll their eyes at that. Kazumi was spoiled. They loved their niece to death but they both knew it. Haneul and Jae were too, but Kazumi was especially spoiled. “Besides she said she’s going to take care of it.” “Do you really think she will?” Jihyo asked, tightening her grip on Mina. “She’s twelve, I doubt she is going to be the best at taking care of a dog.” 

“Agree to disagree.” Jihyo could tell Nayeon was rolling her eyes at her. “Anyway, because of the new dog-”

“No.” Jihyo didn’t even have to hear Nayeon’s question. “You didn’t even let me ask.” Nayeon pouted. “Im Nayeon I have known you for almost thirty years now, I know you were going to ask me to babysit your pets when you and Momo went out for some kind of romantic getaway.” Jihyo rolled her eyes. She turned when she heard some movement behind them, finding Sana standing in the entrance to their kitchen with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her hair messy. She giggled at Sana’s half asleep appearance and waved her over to them. Sana was always so clingy right after she woke up. Every morning she had to hug both of them for at least a few minutes. Mina and JIhyo were used to it, just budgeting some extra time into their morning for Sana’s hugs. 

“No, no I wasn’t going to ask that.” Nayeon’s tone became a bit more serious. “Actually, I was going to ask if because of the dog I could come grab a few things from your house. I know you have some of Kookeu’s stuff lying around and we didn’t have time to stop at the pet store.” Jihyo immediately noticed Nayeon’s change in tone. She wasn’t telling Jihyo something. Even Mina could tell. “You can come over whenever you want Nayeon.” Mina spoke up for the first time. “Oh hi Mina.” Nayeon giggled when she heard Mina’s voice. “Thanks. You're amazing. Jihyo is always so mean to me.” “I am not mean to you.” Jihyo pouted. It melted quickly, once Sana got her attention with a little yawn. “Morning.” Jihyo whispered to Sana. Sana smiled at her and pulled her into a kiss.

“Yes you are. You’ve been bullying me since we were little.” Nayeon huffed. “I have not.” Jihyo rolled her eyes. “Anyway, come over whenever but don’t bring the Kookeu or the new dog-”

“Thank you so much, bye Jihyo!” Jihyo groaned as Nayeon hung up on her. “She’s bringing the damn dog isn’t she?” 

“I don’t understand why you hate Kookeu.” Mina hummed as she continued cooking, chopping some carrots up for them. 

“He always bites me.” Jihyo pouted. “It hurts.” “They are barely love bites.” Mina giggled. “You are adorable, I know you secretly like him.” “I do not.” Jihyo pouted. Sana gave her another kiss and she melted immediately. “Yes I know you're still here.” Jihyo giggled as her attention was turned to Sana. “So needy.” 

“M’ not needy.” Sana pouted. “Just want kisses. Mina doesn’t kiss me when she’s cooking anymore.” 

“Yeah I learned that one the hard way.” Mina giggled. She couldn’t count the number of times innocent kisses while she was cooking had ended in disaster. Especially when the kisses involved Sana. Jihyo was tamer, but she could also be a disaster when she wanted to. “You can go back to sleep if you need, dinner should be another twenty minutes at least.” “No. I need to grade homework.” Sana yawned, kissing Jihyo again. “Need help?” Jihyo offered.

“Baby you haven’t done physics since you were nineteen.” Sana nodded. Jihyo had taken some physics classes in college, but nothing like what Sana had taken. “I can still help. Did you make an answer key?” She doesn’t know why she asked, Jihyo knew Sana did. Sana had always been the type to go the whole nine yards for her students, anything she could do to assist their learning Sana did. Jihyo had always admired Sana for that. “Uh-hum. But it’s okay. It’s just homework, it shouldn’t take too long. I give them one hundred as long as they finish, I just like correcting their work when they are wrong.” Sana nodded, yawning once more before walking over to the kitchen table and sitting down. “But, after dinner.” “Work can wait until after dinner.” Jihyo smiled at Sana and then turned back to Mina. “Need any help?”

“Sure.” Mina smiled at Jihyo before moving to let her help. Sana smiled at the scene of her two wives, she really did get so lucky to have them.

xx 

Nayeon comes over before they finish dinner. Sana gets up to greet her, a blanket still wrapped around her as Nayeon comes in. “Hi Sana.” Nayeon giggled at Sana’s appearance. She had Kookeu with her on a leash, having walked him from her house over to theirs. “You look tired. Rough night?” Nayeon winked at her and Sana smiled. “You know it.” Sana played along. “Was your appointment today?” Nayeon let Kookeu off of his leash, the small dog running over to Sana’s leg and sniffing it. Sana smiled and bent down to pick the little furball up. “Yeah.” Sana yawned, using her free hand to pet Kookeu behind the ears. “How did it go?” “They always go the same Nayeon.” Sana answered, her smile slowly fading. She didn’t like talking about this much, but she knew she couldn’t hide from Nayeon. Nayeon had known her since she was eighteen, and now that she was nearing forty they had been through just about everything together. Sure, Nayeon was closer to her wife, but it didn’t mean she didn’t do everything for Sana too. “I know, but you know it can take a while for this stuff to work. We were at this for three years before we had Kazumi.” Nayeon gave Sana a reassuring smile. “It will work out.” “I don’t know… I’m older now. The chances just keep getting smaller and smaller.” Sana let Kookeu down when the dog started squirming. “Trust me, just keep with it. I almost gave up before we had Kazumi. But things worked out then and I think they will now.” Sana immediately noticed something was off about Nayeon. Of course her words were nice, but the bags under her eyes and the forced smile were starting to show through the longer she was in their house. “Thank you… But Nayeon, what’s wrong?” Sana didn’t like dancing around subjects. “I-” Nayeon sighed. “Momo and I fought again.” Sana thought it was strange Momo didn’t contact her about that. Usually when they fought Nayeon would run to Jihyo and Momo would run to Sana and Mina. Sana had known Momo since she was born, she never kept anything from her. Momo was as close to a sister as Sana had ever gotten, and the two had never kept anything from each other. “Again?” Sana asked. “This happened recently?” All couples fought. Sana, Jihyo, and Mina fought. Nayeon and Momo fought. It was normal. But Sana hadn’t heard about the two of them fighting recently. “I- I’ll tell you over dinner.” Nayeon sighed, rubbing one eye. “Who invited you to dinner?” Sana teased. “I could just take Kookeu and make you go home.” “You wouldn’t.” Nayeon rolled her eyes. Both knew she was right. Nayeon and Momo had been coming over for so long, for as long as they had been together. And Sana was fine with that. She loved having the two of them over.“Are your wives in the kitchen?” “Yeah.” Sana nodded. “Dinner should almost be ready.”

“Did Mina cook?” When Sana nodded Nayeon let out a small thank god before going off towards the living room. Sana trailed behind her, smiling when she saw her wives. “Woah.” Was the first thing Jihyo said to Nayeon. “You saw me this morning.” Nayeon rolled her eyes.

“I thought that was just grumpy morning Nayeon. This is not what I was expecting.” Nayeon had always been good at pretending she was okay. Especially over the phone. She had done it countless times and it always frustrated Jihyo to no end. She wished Nayeon could just tell her when she was upset. “We left the dog stuff on the table. Is it okay I put Kookeu outside?” Mina asked.

“Is the gate closed?” Mina nodded in response. The table had already been set, and Mina had just wordlessly added an extra plate for Nayeon. They had been here a million times, and Mina guessed they would be here a million more. Not that Mina minded. She liked helping their friends. “Then it should be fine. He’s been restless all day and I think he’s a little mad. All the kids' attention was on the new dog and not him.” “I would be mad if I was him.” Sana giggled. “He’s always loved attention.” 

“Yes well I’ve always loved giving it to him.” Nayeon eyed the glass door to their backyard. Kookeu was running around with a chew toy he had left the last time he had been over to their house. “Thank you for dinner.” “Im Nayeon? Thanking me? There must be something wrong.” Nayeon nearly elbowed Jihyo but held back. “I fought with Momo.” Nayeon started, her fingers pausing as she looked over the food. It looked good, it always did. Mina had always been such a good chef. “You two fight all the time.” Jihyo rolled her eyes. “No. We fought for real.” Nayeon sighed. “We have been talking about maybe adopting again but we can’t really agree on it. Last night everything just kind of exploded. We said so many bad things- I said so many bad things. I know Momo is just being realistic and is looking out for us but I feel like she isn’t listening to me. haneul heard us, we thought she was asleep, but she heard us. And I guess- I guess we set her off. We try not to argue in front of her and Jae- well Kazumi too but you get it. I spent almost the entire night calming her down and this morning Momo wouldn’t even look at me.” All three of them had to take a second to think about everything Nayeon had just told them. haneul had always hated yelling. Jae was better, but Haneul had always struggled with yelling. Even now, years since they had adopted them she hated it. “When she came home today she was ignoring me. I know she was probably angry about the dog too, but Kazumi… She was so insistent on us keeping Boo. She can be so stubborn sometimes. Momo was just so mad at me. I needed an excuse to leave.” “You know… I think Momo is just afraid.” Surprisingly enough Mina was the first to voice it. Nayeon would have expected that forward of a comment from Jihyo or Sana, but never from Mina. “Haneul and Jae, and honestly Kazumi too, have all been through a lot. Kazumi less so than the twins… But you know losing Momo’s mother was hard on her. It was hard on Momo too. I think she’s just afraid that if you guys adopt again it will be difficult for them. I know you think they will probably be fine because they are older, but think about last night. Haneul had a panic attack because of yelling, what if you guys adopt a kid and they accidentally set her off? Jae and Kazumi know not to do anything like that because they grew up with Haneul, but I think Momo is afraid that introducing a new person into that equation might be stressful for Haneul. And there’s also the feat they may think you guys are trying to replace them.” “Mina is right Nayeonie. Adoption is so incredibly complicated. Yes it’s worth it, but there’s also so much that goes into it. Momo has always been afraid of change. And I know it’s partially my fault, but it’s how she is.” Sana spoke up after her wife, taking one of Mina’s hands and squeezing it. 

“You should give Momo a bit of space. Let her speak. You really didn’t help things by bringing a random dog home.” Jihyo joked, poking Nayeon’s side. “Look, we are happy to let you stay here for a night or two, just to give Momo some space to think. Give you some space to cool down. You probably haven’t taken some time to yourself since this all happened. I think it’s for the best you do.” Jihyo mentioned taking one of Nayeon’s hands similar to the way her wives were holding hands. “Thank you… Momo didn’t want me to talk to you guys about any of this. She said you guys had too much stress and I shouldn’t bother you… That woman always has this habit of bottling things up at the worst times.” Nayeon sighed. “But she does have a point, I know you guys are going through a rough time.” “I wouldn’t say it’s rough.” Sana spoke up. “It’s just tiring. But we aren’t too stressed, at least I don’t think we are right?” She looked at Mina and Jihyo with such wide eyes both of their hearts ached. Having a baby had been so difficult on all three of them, but they had tried to stay calm for so long. All three knew internally they were going to reach a breaking point soon, none of them were just ready to admit it yet. “Right.” All three of them hated lying, but they didn’t know what else they were supposed to say.

xx 

“Momo?” Sana had been surprised when Momo had called her. Jihyo had texted her saying they were going to keep Nayeon for the night according to her Momo had just texted back a thumbs up emoji. Sana knew Momo would want to talk to her eventually, but knowing her she expected that to be tomorrow. Momo had a nasty habit of stopping by Sana’s office at work. Momo didn’t usually have too much to do during the day, as her studio only had a few classes during the early part of the day. Sometimes she would come to Sana’a office under the guise that Nayeon had kicked her out of hers and she was bored. Others she would come to complain about Nayeon. Sana never really minded, most of her students were absolutely terrible about coming to office hours and she was bored sitting there by herself grading. It was nice to have someone to talk to sometimes, and god knows how many times she had showed up at Momo’s studio to complain about something Mina or Jihyo did. “Aunt Sana?” “Kazumi?” Sana asked, a bit confused. “Why are you calling me?” “Because my moms don’t think I’m ready for a phone. Can you put my mom on? I want to talk to her.” “Sure.” Sana sighed and stood up from the table. She was still exhausted from earlier and really was ready to sleep, but she had to finish her grading today. Mina and Jihyo were also grading various students' work, all three of them slumped over their living room table with mountains of work to grade. They had been there hundreds of times, and Sana wouldn’t say she hated it. It was just, kind of boring. Nayeon was in the other room, watching a drama on her laptop. Sana sometimes cursed the fact the mechanical engineering department had so many TAs willing to grade. The physics department had TAs too, but there really weren’t that many compared to the mechanical engineering department. The mechanical engineering department was much more competitive though, and had a lot more students, so there were more of them that wanted to be TAs. Sana got her attention and handed her phone to her immediately. “Hm?” Nayeon asked.

“Your daughter wants to talk to you.” Sana was a bit confused as to why Kazumi had called her instead of just calling Nayeon. She knew Nayeon could be bad about charging her phone sometimes, so the thought crossed her mind that Nayeon’s phone could just be dead. Sana decided to give them some privacy as she went back to the grading table. “Who was it?” Jihyo hummed and wrapped her right arm around Sana, holding a pen in her left. 

“Kazumi. She wanted to talk to Nayeon about something.” Sana answered. “I’m guessing she’s just a little stressed Nayeon is gone. ”

“She has always been pretty clingy. When she was little, babysitting her could be difficult if it was overnight.” Mina hummed. “It was always weird to me because Haneul and Jae seemed fine, but Kazumi would always throw little fits until we called one of them and they calmed her down.” 

“Some kids are just like that. She’s growing out of it. Slowly. I’m sure tonight it was scary for her because Nayeon was there earlier and never came back. ” Jihyo remarked. “Hey… Do you think our child will be clingy?” There was a heavy silence that came over them when Jihyo said that. They tried not to talk about it too much, what their child would be like. They had a lot in the beginning of the process, but now years later they knew that would give all of them false hope. This entire situation was a careful balance of being hopeful and realistic. “Knowing Sana, yes.” Mina was the first to speak up, a teasing smile on her face. She was doing her best to lighten the atmosphere, she didn’t want to get into this right now. Not with Nayeon here. “Hey.” Sana whined. “I wasn’t that clingy when I was little.” “So it started when you were older? Or did it start when you met us?” Jihyo tried to be as careful about the topic as possible. Sana hated talking about the past before she met the two of them. She hadn’t known Sana for as long as Mina did, and to be honest even now she felt like she didn’t know as much about Sana’s past as Mina did. Mina had met Sana in high school, and Jihyo didn’t meet either of them until college. Mina had been there at one of the lowest points in Sana’s life, and Jihyo didn’t meet her until later. 

“She really wasn’t this clingy in high school.” Mina commented. “Well when we were asleep she would always try to cuddle up to me or Momo, but other than that she really wasn’t clingy.” Mina eyed Sana with baited breath. Sana didn’t like it when they talked about high school too much, but she seemed fine, still looking over papers. She was wearing her glasses (thankfully, Mina had argued with Sana so many times to just wear them), her attention on the paper in front of her. Sana’s face when she was concentrating was always so adorable. “It really all started when we started dating.”

“Cute.” Jihyo giggled, knowing they had completely lost Sana’s attention to the paper in front of her. Nayeon comes back into the living room later, giving Sana her phone back and tears on her face.

“What did Kazumi say?” Jihyo asked. She had finished grading, and was now waiting for her wives to finish so they could get on with their night. “She asked me if we were getting a divorce.” Nayeon sighed, slumping down on the couch. “She said she’s not little anymore so I shouldn’t lie to her. And that she’s seen how we haven’t been as affectionate lately and how much we’ve been fighting. And then Jae took the phone from her when she started crying.”

“That’s a difficult subject when you're twelve.” Jihyo nodded, getting off the floor to slump onto the couch with Nayeon. “Do you want to get divorced?” “God no- no. Not over this. We can work it out. Kazumi is just overthinking.” Nayeon sighed. “Is she?” Jihyo asked, looking into Nayeon’s eyes. “I-yeah. She’s always had a bit of separation anxiety. Momo says she’s growing out of it- but I’m still worried. I’ve been talking to the twins therapist about her, and she thinks it might be good for her to start seeing her if she starts to get any worse.” Nayeon commented, seeing Sana and Mina still working. “It’s nothing to be worried about. I promise.” “Okay.” Jihyo nodded, opening her arms for Nayeon. Nayeon accepted them and relaxed in her embrace, letting her oldest friend hold her while she thought about what to do next. 

xx 

Nayeon and Momo work things out (like they always do) not two days later. Jihyo had always admired the two of them for that. Even if the fight seemed to be really bad, both were good about talking about how they were feeling and what they needed to do to resolve the issue. From what Jihyo understood, they were going to wait a few years before trying their hand at fostering for a little while. It seemed like a good compromise. Nayeon had always loved children and just wanted to help all of the ones she could, Jihyo had always understood tht and she honestly thought it was so sweet her friend was so excited to help kids out.

In terms of their own relationship, things were only getting worse. It started with little comments here and there about how if it had worked Sana would start feeling symptoms by now since it had been almost two months since and that they needed to book the next appointment. Sana didn’t seem too jazzed about that. And when she expressed that, they had erupted in a huge argument. They hadn’t yelled at each other like that in years, and honestly Jihyo thinks it might have been the worst argument they had ever had. 

“You're giving up? After all this time- all this money we’ve put into this- your just going to give up?!” Mina was by far the most upset, which was triggering both of them. 

“I can’t keep doing this Mina! We’re just- we keep pretending we’re fine but we all know that we aren’t!” Sana responded. Her hands were clenched and tears were brimming at the edge of her vision. 

“Stop! Just- stop it. Yelling isn’t going to solve this.” Jihyo could feel a headache coming on. “But you agree with me right?” Mina asked, teary eyes as she looked at Jihyo. Jihyo knew Mina had been the most hurt by this entire process. First she was told she was infertile and then it wasn’t working with Sana- she had a lot to be stressed about. “We’ve invested so much in this- we can’t just give up!” “I can’t do this anymore Mina! It hurts me so much to see a negative test- to have a period! To see how sad it makes both of you! I can’t keep failing you both! I can’t-I can’t-” Jihyo could tell Sana had reached her breaking point. Honestly they all saw this coming, but it was still difficult to watch. 

“Breathe Sana,” Jihyo tried to take one of her hands but Sana shrugged her off. “Don’t touch me!” Everything was silent after that. Mina grabbed her coat and left, but both of them knew where she was going. Mina was going to cool off at Jeongyeon and Dahyun’s house while Sana and Jihyo tried to not scream at each other anymore. Sana was in the corner of their bedroom, curled into a tiny ball and shaking. Jihyo knew this pose, this was Sana trying to calm herself down. Sometimes Jihyo forgot Sana had grown up in an abusive household, but times like this served as a painful reminder that her wife had been through so much when she was young. Jihyo watched her carefully as Sana’s breathing evened out and she pulled a blanket around herself

“Sana?” Sana ignored her. “Hey baby, can I touch you?” Sana spared her a look at that, slowly nodding. When Mina was like this, she didn’t like being touched. Jihyo had gotten used to waiting to touch Mina until the younger one intatied. But Sana wasn’t like that. She liked being touched when she was like this. Jihyo wrapped her arms around Sana and held her close, smelling the shampoo she had always loved. She knew what it was now, her and Sana had been sharing a shower for almost ten years now she was familiar with her wife’s shampoo brand, but it had always smelled so good to her. “M’ sorry.” Sana muttered after a while. “No-no sweetie I’m sorry.” Jihyo sighed. “I wasn’t thinking about how stressful this all must have been on you.” “Why hasn’t it ever worked?” Jihyo’s heart was breaking at Sana’s tiny voice. She felt her shoulder getting wet from where Sana’s face was buried in it, but she didn’t mind. “I don’t know… No one said this was easy.” Jihyo muttered, tucking Sana’s hair behind her ear. She went back to their screaming match from earlier, thinking of everything Sana had said. “You know this isn’t your fault right?” Sana stayed quiet at that. “Sana… This isn’t your fault. You are not a failure. You have absolutely no control whether or not this works.” “But- I- it feels like my fault. You guys want a baby so bad- I want a baby so bad but I can’t- I can’t do it and that’s frustrating.” Sana muttered. “I know it is sweetheart. It is. But it’s not your fault. You are doing so good. I’m so proud of how hard you have worked so far, but if you are done… Let’s be done.” Jihyo whispered. “We can take some time away. Maybe reconsider adopting. But I think we should take a little break before we do that. How does that sound to you?” Sana nodded at that, cuddling closer to Jihyo. Jihyo had always been the rock in their relationship. Of the three of them, she was able to keep her emotions in check the most. She never really had outbursts, and she was able to keep her composure in situations like their fight. “Good.” Jihyo kissed the top of her head. “We can talk to Mina about this tomorrow. You know how she is- she was just really invested in this. But she will be okay, she wants us to be happy more than anything.” “Mina won’t leave us?” If Jihyo’s heart wasn’t broken before it was now. Sana had healed a lot from when Jihyo first met her, but there were still times where her old insecurities would bubble back to the surface. “No.” Jihyo nodded. “Mina won’t leave us.” She hoped to god that was true, but she knew Mina. Mina wouldn’t leave them over something like that. Sana looked ready to fall asleep against her shoulder, but suddenly she was pulling away and jumping out of bed. Jihyo was spooked by the sudden movement, following Sana with a rapid heartbeat as her wife ran to the bathroom.

It wasn’t much later that Sana threw up. Not just once, multiple times. Tears rushed down her cheeks as Jihyo held her hair back and rubbed her back. Jihyo thought this was probably just a side effect from earlier, but she couldn’t stop the thoughts about how Sana had never thrown up from her panic attacks before, and the other implications to sudden sickness like that. And she wasn’t the only one thinking about that.

xx 

Mina didn’t come home the next morning. Jihyo knew she needed more time to think and sort through her emotions, but she was still worried. She texted Jeongyeon and Dahyun, and they said they were taking good care of Mina and that she was eating and safe. Jihyo was relieved at that, because honestly that was better than Sana.

Sana threw up again the next morning, and after she had refused to eat breakfast. By lunch, Sana was understandably starving and ate more than Jihyo had seen her eat in a while. She was happy about that, but that food had just caused Sana to throw up again. They had monitored her for signs of a fever, but it seemed she didn’t have one. 

Sana made Jihyo go to work that afternoon. Both had taken the morning off, but Jihyo had been expected to work in the afternoon unlike Sana. Sana had practically forced her to go, promising to eat more and that she would be fine by herself. It didn’t stop Jihyo from obsessively texting her before her class started. Sana liked the time away from Jihyo. She knew her body better than anyone else, she knew something was wrong. And she knew it was one of two things either one she was coming down with a stomach bug for the first time in ten years or she was pregnant. Honestly even if the latter made more sense, they couldn’t help but think the former was the one that was true. She knew it was the less likely option logically, but she just couldn’t get her hopes again. Especially since it had all been so sudden. Sure she had felt a bit nauseous a couple times in the past few weeks but she had never had anything like that. It just seemed so sudden. They had a stash of pregnancy tests under their sink. Because they had been through this so many times before, and it had never worked, not even once. Sana didn’t know why she was even doing this. It never worked. But she pushed herself to do it anyway. Sure she felt a bit off, but she had also been through a lot lately. Plus her period had never been regular. That didn’t mean she was pregnant. It couldn’t have worked now. There was no way. When Jihyo got home, she found Sana on the couch crying. When she asked why, she said they would need to wait until Mina got home for her to tell her why.

Mina comes home after dinner. Jihyo could tell she was trying to be careful around both of them, but can tell she’s calmed down. They all know they need to talk, but they spend most of the night dancing around the subject with small pleasantries until Sana practically forces them to talk. “I’m sorry.” Mina sighed. “I was just frustrated, I should have listened sooner. If you want to give up for now, it might be for the best.”

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled.” Sana mentioned, her finger twirling together that way they always did when she was nervous. Jihyo knew Sana was keeping something from them, she just couldn’t for the life of her figure out what it was. “I’m sorry to both of you. Screaming was not the correct response.” Jihyo sighed. “I think taking some time away might be for the best. We can think and come up with a plan for maybe looking into adoption.” “That sounds like a good idea. This has been bothering all of us for a while. As scary as it sounds time away might be for the best.” Mina agreed, noticing how fidgety Sana was being. “What is it?” “I agree we shouldn’t do the procedure again… But I don’t think we should look into adoption.” Sana confused them both with that. Sana had talked to both of them in the past about how if the biological thing didn’t work she was open to adoption, so the change felt both sudden and unexpected. “What do you mean?”

“Adoption is great and all, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to be looking into it right now.” Sana looked at both of them before taking each of their hands. “Because I’m pregnant.” 

Mina and Jihyo had both never been more shocked. “I-Is this a joke as a punishment for yesterday or-”

“No.” Sana stopped Mina’s rambling. “I’m actually pregnant.” Jihyo didn’t say anything, just tackled Sana in a hug and rained kisses on her cheeks. “I love you so much.” Jihyo whispered. “Me too.” Mina couldn’t stop sobbing as she joined the hug. “I love you both so much too.” Sana had never been happier than that moment, except maybe on their wedding day, but honestly, Sana didn’t think that counted. This was her happiest moment.

[bytheangell]

If you are still taking prompts, what would you think about writing something(s) based off of this, either/both, the Professor/TA, or the Writer/Editor?

Dedication (modern AU, Herongraystairs, check the link in the ask for full writer/editor prompt, a wonderful plot idea by @high-warlock-of-brooklyn!) (Read on AO3)

This is the first book Will and Tessa are collaborating on. They’ve written plenty of books individually and Jem’s worked with each of them in turn. But this is the first time they’ve co-authored, an experience that’s proving unique and challenging for all of them.

Being with Will and Tessa while they work on a new project is always a blessing and a curse. They’re two of the best writers of their generation and when they work on their own they’re brilliant, but when they work together - well, they’re also brilliant, but that brilliance is coupled with the occasional near-catastrophic clash of opinions and emotions.

Which is where Jem comes in.

Where Will and Tessa are so driven by passion and feelings, Jem finds it much easier to distance himself from their project (and from the writers themselves) enough to see the bigger picture and find solutions before the issues build up. Like many things about the three of them, it’s a perfect balance - they just work, better than anyone (including Will, Tessa, and Jem) ever imagined possible when they first got together.

It’d been a messy start, with Will and Jem already together but both developing serious feelings for Tessa after they met during a book event. The three of them quickly became very close. There were whispers of which of them would end up leaving, then confusion when the answer was none: instead of two of them growing closer and shutting the third out, they all seemed to adjust and adapt naturally around the three of them coexisting. They aren’t perfect, but they are perfect for each other, at least as far as Jem’s concerned.

Jem knows that what they have is special, which he reminds himself of over and over as Will and Tessa sit on opposite sides of the sofa, voices quickly elevating to nearly shouting over an issue with one of the characters Will is in charge of writing: one he’s chosen to give a pretty damning curse from a trickster faerie in this land of magic their current collaboration is set in.

“Tell him he needs to make the changes, Jem,” Tessa insists, the third time she’s repeated the demand now.

“Tell her that this plot adds depth, and without it, he’s boring,” Will counters. “Sometimes people - characters - need to be brutally honest about their own faults and issues. Sometimes people are disappointing.”

That’s how Jem can tell things are spiraling: when Will and Tessa - who have effectively communicated and collaborated on half a dozen bestsellers and who love each other more than Jem’s ever seen two people experience love - refuse to speak directly to one another. The moment they start talking around each other and at Jem instead is when he knows he has to step in and diffuse.

Usually, it’s a matter of taking a break, getting some fresh air, and coming back with clear minds. Jem normally isn’t one to pick sides, but this is different. He isn’t worried about the direction of the book… but after reading the latest draft from Will, which Will wrote while refusing to speak to either of them for a full week, he’s worried about Will. And he knows Tessa is, too.

“Perhaps a good starting point would be admitting this isn’t really about the character at all,” Jem says softly, gazing closely between Will and Tessa. Will looks a bit guilty and Tessa looks away entirely, which tells Jem that he’s right in guessing their concerns are also less plot-based.

“...what else would it be about?” Will asks defensively. But they can all sense how he’s been pushing them away lately, much like the cursed character undeserving of love he’s written in. It’s obvious that Tessa isn’t sure how to bring it up or else she would’ve already. Or maybe she already had and it hadn’t gone well.

“Tessa, would you mind making some tea?” Jem asks, waiting until she’s out of the room to turn back to Will.

“Will… you know this is about you. You barely talk to anyone for a week then come back with this character in such a self-deprecating mindset…”

“That’s ridiculous. He’s just a character,” Will says, but Jem can tell he’s entirely unconvinced of his own words.

“So if Tess came back having written Evangeline that way?” Jem counters, and there’s that look of subtle guilt, right back on Will’s face as he frowns and pieces together why Tessa’s so upset with him.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” Will sighs.

“We’re not mad at you,” Jem’s quick to point out. “We’re just worried. It’s been a while since you tried to push us away like this, I just want to make sure you’re okay. We both do. Take it out in the writing if you want, but talk with us, too. Alright, my love?”

Jem’s tense as he waits. This has one of two options: Will relents and listens to him and they all have tea and talk this out, or Will storms out and they don’t see him again for another day or two.

Will stays. “I’m just letting the pressure get to me,” he admits. “I’m sure that’s all it is... But yeah. Okay. Tea.”

Tea, meaning ‘I’ll stay. I’ll talk. I’ll try.’ Jem leans over and places a barely-there kiss on Will’s lips before he relaxes back in his seat. Reaching out a hand that Will readily takes, Jem gives it a tight squeeze as they both wait for Tessa to return.

They talk.

In the end, the character arc stays. With a few redeeming modifications at Tessa and Jem’s entirely unbiased suggestion, of course.

---

A little over halfway through the first draft things seem to stall out. They have a progress deadline that week with the publisher and they’re cutting it close - mostly because Tessa keeps tossing everything she writes without giving Jem the chance to look it over. Recently she’s let her curiosity get the best of her, delving into research she should be allowing Jem to help with.

...and when he says ‘delving’, what he really means is stubbornly obsessing over, nitpicking bits of lore to streamline, and doing hours and hours of research for single-line references.

“When was the last time she slept? Like, an actual night of sleep?” Jem asks Will one day after a quick touch-base meeting that went… not terribly, but not particularly great, either.

“You need to get her out of here. No books. No wifi. I tried to kick her out but… well, you can imagine how well that went,” Will admits, and Jem winces in sympathy.

“The Time Out Cottage?” Jem asks, referring to a small cottage they own for unplugged getaways, where the wifi signal is nonexistent and a landline exists for emergency calls. “That means we’ll both be out of easy reach, and with that Friday deadline-”

“I can handle it,” Will cuts him off. “She’s been getting in her own way for days now, but she refuses to listen to me.”

A few minutes later Jem tentatively knocks on the door to the small study that does, in fact, look more like a makeshift research library. He nearly doesn’t see Tessa behind the small mountain of books on the floor, but he hears her pen tapping rapidly against the hardwood. No, not just rapidly - anxiously. He knows that action all too well.

“Tessa, what number is that?” he asks, the question needing no further explanation past his accusatory tone and pointed look at a coffee mug, which is next to a second coffee mug, which is next to a cup of black tea.

“Four? No, wait… what time is it?” she glances around and seems surprised by the height of the sun in the sky. “It’s afternoon already?”

Jem sighs. “It’s nearly four o’clock, Tessa, and your blood is probably about 90% caffeine. Come on, get your things, we’re taking a trip.”

Tessa looks immediately horrified. “No! I can’t, we can’t! The deadline, and I still have to streamline the fae lore between the two-”

“Will has it handled for 24 hours. That’s all we’re asking. 24 hours without research.” “Jem, you know-”

“-that you’ll be twice as productive once we’re back and you’re refreshed instead of running on fumes and fever dreams?” Jem cuts her off, his tone kind but insistent. He bends over and picks up a piece of paper. “Tessa, my love, this is nearly incoherent.”

Tessa reaches up to take the page from him and frowns. “I… okay, I can make out some of this, but I’m pretty sure that bit talks about aliens which isn’t any more reassuring. Will did say I was writing myself in circles, but I thought he was just, well, being Will, so... Yeah. Okay. Maybe I need to step back for a bit.” Tessa sighs. “The Time Out Cottage?”

“I already packed you a bag,” Jem confirms with a soft smile, leaning down to kiss the middle of her forehead before reaching out a hand to help her up off the floor.

When they return exactly 24 hours later, Tessa gets back to work and the lore practically falls into place between the two of them.

They meet the Friday deadline without a problem.

---

Jem spends his free time playing violin while Will and Tessa go through the first draft and begin to brainstorm fixes for plotholes, new minor characters to add to scenes that feel a bit lacking, and other small improvements to really round out the story and the world they’re weaving. They both claim to think clearer with his music in the background so he stays, even if he doesn’t feel particularly useful for this stage of the process until they have a single, coherent draft to hand over to him.

These are the moments Jem’s own insecurities and flaws float to the surface. The moments he watches Will and Tessa, so alike, so perfect for each other, connect on a level he isn’t privy to. He knows it’s a silly thought, that he and Will have their own things, as do he and Tessa. But sometimes he wonders if they truly need him around, or if he’s simply just become too much a part of the routine to actively get rid of.

He watches them sit next to each other with shoulders touching, hunched over a small screen, whispering back and forth. There’s a small smile on his face, one that’s wistful and tinged with hints of longing that, much to his dismay, they pick up on.

“I know that look,” Tessa says, catching Jem’s gaze and drawing Will’s attention before Jem can wipe the expression from his face. “Get over here. I think we’ve done enough work for today.”

Will is the first to move over, making room for Jem in the middle of them. After placing his violin back in its case Jem heads over to join them on the sofa, embracing the way Will and Tessa immediately crowd into his space once he’s settled, both placing a comforting kiss to his temples simultaneously before resting their heads on each of his shoulders and a placing a hand in each of his own.

They talk a bit, not about the book, but about anything and everything else, and fall asleep there, still entwined together.

---

It’s rare for any part of one of their books to be a surprise to Jem upon publication. He sees all the drafts, talks them through the acknowledgments and dedications, double-checks the reference pages against the chaotic piles of books and notes around their home.

So he’s immediately (and rightfully) suspicious the moment they hand him the first advanced copy and tell him to open it, watching his every move with eager expressions. Excited, but anxious.

‘A dedication to the one most dedicated to us:

This book would not be what it is without the kind heart, encouraging words, and infinite patience of James Carstairs. Neither would we. Jem, you are a light in our darkest hours, and we don’t know where we’d be without you.

We hope we’ll never have to find out.

Jem, our love, will you marry us?’

Jem reads, then re-reads the dedication. He closes the book, then opens it again, reading it a third time for good measure.

“Well?” Will asks impatiently, earning himself a nudge in the ribs from Tessa. Will huffs.

“I see you’re as dramatic as always,” Jem says quietly, instead of answering the question posed in the book. He knows his answer. He’s known for a while now what his answer would be, should the topic ever present itself, but he gets a bit of joy from making Will wait in anticipation just a short while longer.

“He wanted to be even more dramatic and show you at the event tomorrow,” Tessa admits. “But we decided against it. We thought you deserved the chance to say no without two hundred sets of eyes on you.”

Jem raises an eyebrow. “You think I’ll say no?”

“You haven’t said ‘yes’ yet,” Will points out, but he doesn’t sound nervous about it. Nor should he be.

“Yes,” Jem says, smiling brightly. “Of course it’s yes.”

[bellylivesthepoguelife]

Overwhelmed. John B x Sarah

Request: Hi! How about a college related drabble? Sarah is super overwhelmed with exams coming up and calls John B starting to panic. He comes to see her and plans a whole night to distract her and comfort her 🥰

Word Count: 1.7K

A/N: I know that I didn’t QUITE follow the whole request on this, but it was getting a bit long, so I hope that makes up for it! I wrote this after I wrote the 500 words of pure angst for these two, so I apologize if it’s a little too angsty. Also, I’m still trying to get comfortable writing the comedic/banter parts of a lot of the pogues relationships. (I’m just not naturally witty so I really have to try!) Anyways, I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think!

Heroes and Villains of the Middle Ages was not a class that Sarah Cameron would have ever taken for fun. But when it satisfied one of her General Education requirements, it's not like she really had much of a choice in the matter. The fact that the professor was about as fascinating as the girls from high school that messaged her saying she'd be a "perfect fit" for joining their pyramid marketing business didn't help. So having to write an essay on 4 chapters of her "textbook" (each chapter ranging anywhere between 30-50+ pages long) was grating her brain, as she legitimately has zero desire to complete it.

An hour into her attempt to read the assigned chapters had her overwhelmed. She couldn't even pretend to find the content interesting, she had no clue how she was going to write a 1,000 word essay on it, and to put the icing on the cake: this was one of four that needed to be completed in the next two weeks as part of her final exam. Exasperated at the thought, she throws the book half way across the room as she finished the second chapter. Making it halfway through warrants a break, right?

She scrolls through instagram to allow her brain to run on auto-pilot for awhile. She scrolls past a photo JJ posted 43 minutes ago, of him, John B, and Kie hanging out at the Chateau. JJ snapped the photo, Kie leaning into him, laughing, while John B is in the background making a "you-caught-me-doing-something-I-shouldn't-have" face, no doubt saying something resulting in the laughs from the other two.

The picture makes her smile. Not just because it's of her friends, but also because between John B and JJ, they'll do just about anything to make their friends laugh. It causes her heart to flutter, and she decides to call him to further distract herself.

It doesn't take long for him to pick up, but it's not John B who answers the phone, it's JJ. "Hey Princess! How's college treatin' ya?!"

"Busy, boring, and yet still somehow not captivating enough to keep me from missing you."

"Oh, so you do miss me."

She rolled her eyes, "of course I do JJ."

"Not as much as you miss JB though, I'm sure." There's a pause, but before she can respond he's rushing out the words: "Oh, speaking of! Okay, Here's John B, I'll talk to you later, love you bye!"

She can tell John B is pulling the phone away from him by the decrescendo of his voice as he gets farther from the microphone. However, the sound of her boyfriends voice filling the speaker at her ear makes her smile even more.

"Hey Val." He greets, and she can tell he's smiling.

"Vlad. I must say it is nice to know that JJ misses me. Even though he won't admit it in as many words."

"Yeah, I think it's safe to say we all do."

"Is Kie still there?"

"Nah, she has to work tomorrow so she went home about 20 minutes ago. How did you know she was over?"

"I saw the picture JJ posted on instagram."

"Ahhh, yeah, that would explain it." She heard him walking around, saying goodnight to JJ before closing what she assumed was the door to his bedroom.

"Did y'all have fun?"

"We did- JJ what the hell, I just told you goodnight." He must have opened the door to John B's room.

Sarah could hear JJ say, "yeah but I didn't say goodnight to Princess! Night Princess!" He calls louder, making sure she can hear him.

"Goodnight JJ!" She calls back, knowing she was more than likely on speaker phone.

"Night Birdshit!" is the last thing she hears before she hears the door slam.

John B is back on the phone in an instant. "I swear, I might actually kill him tonight."

She laughs at their antics, and a bittersweet feeling settles in her chest as she realizes just how much she misses her friends.

"So," John B starts again, "How's your homework coming?"

Sarah scoffs. "Don't remind me."

"That bad?"

"It's just this class is so boring!" He's heard her rant about it a million times, but he lets her do it again. "I mean, it's a 400 level class. And I understand those are the more difficult ones, but--fuck--this is hard, and it's not even interesting in the slightest!"

"Which makes it only about a million times worse."

"It does!" She agrees, thankful that he's empathetic to her suffering. "And I have my Chemistry final next week, and my English 102 research paper due the week after. Nevermind the final project for my Geology, and Quantitative Reasoning class that I've only just started on--" She's ranting, and she knows it.

"Woah. Easy there, Val." He chuckles despite her. "You'll work yourself up."

"I am worked up!" The more she talks, the more overwhelmed she gets, and soon she realizes she's pacing her small room. "I just want to come home." The confession almost stuns her as she's catapoulted into a sea of homesickness, and even the knowledge that she'll be home for the summer in two weeks time doesn't even begin to calm the waves.

"You'll be home in a couple weeks, babe. Just 2 more, and then you're mine for the summer."

She knows he's trying to change her perspective, but she's not in the mood tonight. She's sad, and wants the space to allow herself to be sad. A half-hearted "yeah" is all she manages.

"Hey," John B doesn't miss the dejected tone of her voice, realizing how upset she truly is. "It's gonna be alright, Val. 2 more weeks is a piece of cake after the past seven months."

They'd seen each other since she started college, of course, but even then, the last time they were together was when she came home for Wheezie's lacrosse game 5 weeks ago. And after spending almost every day of last summer together, the distance began to do it's damage. Not on their relationship, no, their relationship was still so, so good. It was just on nights like tonight, when she was so overwhelmed that no matter what she thought of, it only made the drowning feeling three times worse.

She feels her throat tighten and before it even registers that she's getting emotional, she feels the gentle pricks behind her eyes indicating it won't be long and she'll be crying. "It's just really hard right now." She confesses, annoyed with how her voice is full of emotion, which is going to cause John B to go into his protective, "I'll-be-your-hero-and-fix-everything" mode.

And sure as shit, his tone becomes softer, and he's building her up. "I know it is, Sarah, but you're doing so well. I know this has been an adjustment for you, and for us, and it hasn't been easy, but you've been doing so well. You're killing it at college, and you only have these last two weeks, these last exams and projects and then you're home for the summer."

She nods, knowing that he's speaking truth, but still feeling discouraged. "It's just, everything's happening at once right now, and I'm just so overwhelmed, and there's just so much pressure riding on these last projects, and--I just want you."

"What do you mean?" She can tell he's laughing at her rambling confession.

"I mean I just want you. I miss you, John B." Great, that broke the dam, and now she's really crying. "I miss hugging you, and kissing you, and just being next to you. Because at least when I was home and busy, we were still together. Now I have to do all of this by myself, and I just feel so alone, and I just want to come home." She didn't intend to share all of these subconscious thoughts and feelings when she called him on the phone. She had initially just called for a distraction, and to see how JJ and Kie were doing. But sometimes the breakdowns come when you least expect them.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" The question is not how she expected him to respond.

She sniffs, thinking through what her Saturday plans were. "I'm- going to finish this essay, probably work on my projects, and study?" She phrases it like a question, even though she's answering his. After hearing silence for a little too long, she adds, "Why?"

"I'm on my way."

"What?" If she wasn't expecting him to ask what she was doing tomorrow, she REALLY doesn't expect him to say he's coming to see her at 10pm on a Friday.

"What do you mean you're on your way."

"I'm coming to see you." He answers as if it's the simplest thing in the world. She can hear his smile as he talks, probably patting himself on the back for being the hopeless romantic, her knight in shining armor, coming to distract her from her scholarly obligations.

"John B, you don't have to do that." Of course, she wants him to. But it's a ways to drive, and she knows his van isn't cheap to fill with gas.

"Shut up Val." He laughs. "I'm going to spend the weekend with you. But on one condition." He thinks, and then doubles back. "Okay, two conditions."

She rolls her eyes, always thinking there's no way she can be more in love with this man, and then he does stuff like this to prove her wrong. "And what are your conditions?"

"One. You have to write your essay. And I'm going to help you study. You don't just get a 'get out of jail free' card just because your man is coming to see you." He gets her to laugh with that one.

"My man?"

"Yes. That is what I am, isn't it? Your man?"

"Sure. And what's the second condition?"

"You have to buy me my own bag of Skinny Pop." Her eyes automatically roll for probably the 15th time tonight. "Okay, agreed. I will go to the store, and buy you your own bag of Skinny Pop."

"And you can't have any of it." He ammends.

"Alright, fine. And I won't have any of it." She grudgingly agrees.

"Deal."

"Deal."

"That settles it then! I'm on my way!"

"Drive safe, loser."

"I love you, Sarah."

She smiles to herself. "I love you too, John B."

"I'm serious though, don't eat my Skinny Pop before I get there."

[gisellelx]

Hello! Love your blog and i wanna say

Your analysis and your posts in general are always so well researched historically. How do you do that and how can I do it too?

So I wanted to answer this with care and time and thoughtfully. I hope this answer will be good not just for you but will be worth reblogging for anyone who wants to think about how you develop good researching skills more generally. Because ultimately getting good at making sense of the world isn’t just about writing or just about fic or just about academia; it’s about being a good citizen of the world.  The short answer to this question, up front: I’ve gotten good at research because it’s my actual job! I’m a professor and not even a new one really anymore; I have a book of research coming out later this year which still feels really weird to say. I happen to know how old you are because we’ve chatted so don’t forget to put into perspective that before you started formal schooling I had already written my first 50+ page research work. I’ve been at this seriously for almost two decades now. However, there are some fundamental ways that professional researchers go about thinking about everything, whether it’s something as inconsequential as fic or as monumental as the stuff going on in the U.S. right now that I think are a little different, and they’re replicable in useful ways. So here’s three things that matter.  Get curious. This actually is pretty easy for fanfic writers because we already have something we’re curious about--whatever fandom(s) we’re in. But curiosity isn’t just about the spark; it’s also about getting interested in making connections between different kinds of things. When you encounter any given piece of information, the first thing you should start thinking about is “how does this piece of information fit in with everything else I already know” which will lead you to “how does it contradict what I already know” and “what else do I need to know to understand how this fits?” This leads you down really interesting rabbit holes.  An example from fic/tumblr answers: A witch hunting Anglican really doesn’t map on to what I know of Anglicans/Episcopalians in present-day. So then I start to ask, “Okay. What was actually going on in the church in the 1640s?” I’m going to mesh it with some of my own knowledge: I know the protestant reformation happened a hundred years earlier, but I don’t know a ton about what happened after, except that the Puritans arrived in New England eh, about that time. So I go down the rabbit hole of finding out about the church in the 1640s. At some point there I’m going to run across some of the secular history: that the 1640s was the English Civil War. Okay, what was the Civil War about? Who won? How long were they in control? Questions beget questions and true, at some point, you have to decide when to stop if it’s for writing. But honestly, if you’re curious, you probably won’t stop thinking about it even if you’ve found out enough to answer the thing you want to answer. Because you’ll 

Develop a lens. The thing you’re interested in becomes the way you start to see the world. Start relating everything to the thing you are trying to find out more about. Notice when you’re getting more information about that thing or when something would matter to that thing. I have an assignment I give my students where they have to write four short assignments relating stuff they see about language use to the things they’re learning in class. It’s partially to teach them about the concepts they’re learning, and partially to teach them about writing, but it’s mostly to accustom them to viewing the world through the lens I’m teaching them. It’s to help them get curious about why one barista’s tone sounds friendly and the other’s doesn’t even though the say the exact same thing. It’s mutually reinforcing: the lens begets curiosity and curiosity begets the development of the lens. If I encounter a fact, a piece of history, a moment in time, an old song, there’s a little piece of my brain after 11 years of writing Twific that is always asking “Where were the Cullens?” I have headcanons for days about how each of them, especially Carlisle, would’ve dealt with any individual moment in history. When I sing an old hymn in church I sometimes look down at the date in the hymnal to find out if it’s one Carlisle would’ve sung as a human. I’m always working through this lens, and that means I’m always adding to the knowledge. 

Finally, source well. Especially for something as fanciful as fic, there’s not a lot of reason to dive deep into academic tomes (although I have; I am a fucking nerd. See above re: my work.) But dive deeper than the first page of google. Read the first Wikipedia page you come to, but then read a couple of the pages it links to! If the English Civil War has to do with Cromwell and it established the Protectorate, and those things are linked? Well, read those, too! And then you might need to cross-reference--okay, now I know what the Protectorate was, and I’ve decided from that original go-round that Carlisle’s dad was probably a Puritan, not really an Anglican, so...what was the relationship of Puritans to the Protectorate? I’m going to next throw that into google. And I’m looking for high-quality sources: magazines, university websites, things that end with .edu or .gov. I’m clicking on the “about” to find out who wrote the thing and how much of an expert they are. If they say something that no one else has said and I can’t find anything that tells me they’re an expert in this? I’m going to disregard that info and move on. This is applicable to way more than just fic--this is about figuring out that as much as I go YEAH YEAH YEAH at some hyper-partisan trash website that fits my political view, I need to step back and consider where it’s coming from, who the author is, and how much they know.  The more you’ve sourced, the easier this gets. My knowledge on Carlisle’s history goes deep, I fell in love with him and only him when I read the series. I have read about popular culture when he was growing up, I have read histories of the English Church, I have spent time thinking about and being fascinated by the history of the development of medical knowledge and medical schools. I didn’t go to the Eye or Big Ben when I happened to be in London; I went to the City Museum and wandered around the part of the city where I imagine he lived, looking for things which have survived since the 17th century and taking note of things which are new to think about what Carlisle would think about them (he is very un-fond of the Gherkin.) I literally spent a day and a half looking at London through Carlisle’s eyes. Because I’m curious; because I have a lens; and because I’m going to grab good sources whenever I have them.  That is a SUPER long post. But I hope it’s helpful. When it comes to writing, the richer your knowledge, the more likely you are to drop the right detail which places your reader and makes them buy into everything else in the world. I remember reading a fic which took place in my hometown and the author had one of the Cullens flying in their private jet. In my hometown, a mid-sized city in the midwest, there is a commercial international airport, but there is also a smaller airfield which handles much of the private air traffic. That author had that Cullen plane take off from the smaller airfield. I don’t know if she is also from my hometown, but she got that detail right, and it signaled that I could trust the rest of her storytelling.  So. It’s worth it: to be a good writer, to be a good researcher, and just to be good at understanding the world. I hope that helps and sorry for the word vomit. Professors write a lot, too.