#and i think it's very practical to acknowledge that but still also support such an ending

[brain-rot-central]

I am practically begging for people to actually play an AA run before critiquing (bordering harassing) to the extent that they do. If you don't like it that's fine but to those who vehemently go to bat trying to argue against it/those who enjoy the story... maybe play it first rather than watching snippets on tiktok for context!

To be fair, I understand why the AA ending has so much controversy surrounding it. It's intense, and it's intense right out the gate. Baby boy is having grandiose visions of power now that he's free and demands you sacrifice your mortality as the only way to prove your love and loyalty to him. This is mere minutes/hours after ascending. He's essentially suffering from an extreme episode of mania.

And, rightfully so, that makes people uncomfortable. AA is uncomfortable. He's supposed to be uncomfortable. And personally that's why I love him. To me it's interesting to ponder the psychology behind AA. His entire breakup monologue (the actual breakup and the convo after) is him using doublespeak, something that Spawn Astarion does at various points throughout the game, as well. Because AA is Spawn A, just all of his worst qualities intensified.

AA to me is Astarion falling further behind the mask while placing impenetrable concrete walls around any and all parts of his vulnerability. If you confront him by saying he's just like Cazador (a subject he was already touchy about before), he lashes out and ends the relationship as opposed to talking about it, pretty much because he can't handle the emotional energy it would take to have that conversation. He would have to show vulnerability to you, which, now that he's the big bad vampire ascendant, he has no weaknesses! He's the best! No one can hurt or kill him!!!

It's a grandiose delusion that will fade into a hum as time goes on. And he will inevitably be left with nothing but his riches and his thoughts. Could take a year, could take the rest of eternity. But it will eventually happen. He will eventually be forced to face the ghosts of his past. You can only run so far before everything catches up to you.

[star-ocean-peahen]

After watching Cinderella (the original animated movie, which was my favorite as a child), it strikes me how it solves many common problems people have with this fairy tale. Like:

Why did they try to identify the mystery girl using her shoe size? Because the bullheaded king's only clue to her identity was the shoe the Grand Duke picked up off the steps.

Why didn't the prince recognize her by her face? Because his father wouldn't involve him in the process at all, and wasn't the one going around trying to find her.

Why did the prince want to marry a lady he only met that night? Because his father was going to force him to marry someone, and he genuinely liked this woman.

Why did Cinderella want to marry a man she only met that night? Because marriage was her best and most secure way to freedom. Fucked up, but you can't say it's unrealistic for the setting of a fairy tale. She also genuinely liked him.

If they're using the slipper to find her, wouldn't it be more sensible to search for the person with the other slipper? Yes. The King is purposefully nonsensical and the Duke is purposefully terrified enough of him to carry out his orders to the letter. Furthermore, they end up doing that in the end anyway, because the Duke's glass slipper is shattered, and Cinderella brings out the one she has to prove her identity.

Why didn't the stepmother and stepsisters recognize Cinderella at the ball? Because they were dancing too far away, and then left the party to dance in private, which was possible because the King wanted very badly for his son to hit it off with someone and tried to arrange the best conditions for that to happen.

Why didn't Cinderella save herself? Because in real life, abuse victims should not have to shoulder that responsibility, and usually can't. In real life, you need and deserve an external support system. Asking for help, in this kind of situation, is very important. She is saved by others because she is loved. Because she is not alone. Because she has friends who love her, and want her to be happy and safe and free. Because in real life, people who want to help someone who is suffering are like the mice. We can't pull out miracle solutions, but we can provide companionship and if we're in the right place at the right time, we can help the person find a better life.

Why didn't the fairy godmother save Cinderella from her abusive household, or try to help her sooner? Because she's magic, and magic can't solve your problems. Quote: "Like all dreams, well, I'm afraid it can't last forever." This (and Cinderella's dream of going to the ball) is a metaphor for pleasurable things in bad circumstances. An ice cream won't get rid of your depression, but it will provide you with momentary happiness to bolster you, as well as the reminder that happiness in general is still possible for you. Cinderella doesn't want to go to the ball so she can get away from her stepmother and stepsisters, or so she can meet someone to marry and leave with. She wants to go to the ball to remind herself that she can still have things she wants. That her desires matter. This is important because the movie does a very good job of illustrating Lady Tremaine's subtle abuse tactics, all of which invisibly press the message that Cinderella doesn't matter. While going to the ball and fulfilling her dreams may not be a victory in the material sense, it is still a victory against Lady Tremaine's efforts.

Why is Cinderella's choice to be kind and obedient framed as a good thing, when you are not obligated to be kind to your abuser? This one walks a very fine line, but I think the movie still makes it make sense. Lady Tremaine never acknowledges her cruelty. She always frames her punishments of Cinderella as Cinderella's fault. Cinderella is interrupting, Cinderella is shirking her duties, Cinderella is playing vicious practical jokes. Cinderella is still a member of the family, of course she can go to the ball, provided she meet these impossible conditions. Lady Tremaine's tactics are designed to make Cinderella feel like she must always be in the wrong and her stepmother must always be in the right. If Cinderella calls her stepmother out on her cruelty, or attempts to fight back, Lady Tremaine can frame that as Cinderella being ungrateful, cruel, broken, evil, etc. If Cinderella responds to her stepmother's cruelty defiantly (in the way she's justified to), she's not taking control out of Lady Tremaine's hands. Disobedience can be spun back into her stepmother's control. She wants Cinderella to be angry and sad and show how much she's hurting. So since Cinderella is adapting to her situation, she chooses to be kind. Not only because she naturally wants to be and it's part of her personality, but because it is a form of defiance in its own way, and it allows her to keep a reminder of her agency and value. Her choice to be kind is her chance to keep her own narrative alive: she is not obeying because her stepmother wants her to and she has to do what her stepmother does, but because she wants to. It's a small distinction, but one that makes all the difference in terms of keeping her hope and identity. (Fuck, I wrote a whole paragraph about how this doesn't mean you can't be angry at people who hurt you or that you need to be kind to deserve help, and then deleted it by accident. Uh. Try again.) Expressing anger and pain is an important part of regaining autonomy and healing. Although it is commendable to be kind while you are suffering, it is NOT required for you to get help or be worthy of help. If Cinderella's recovery was explored beyond "happily ever after" she would need to let herself be angry and sad to heal. Cinderella is not only kind because it comes naturally to her, but because it's her defense against the abuse she's suffering. Everyone's story and experiences are different, and one does not invalidate the other.

Bonus round for answers that aren't part of the movie:

Why didn't Cinderella run away? Where would she go? Genuinely, in hundreds-of-years-ago France, where would she go if she snuck out of the window with a change of clothes? With her step-family, she's miserable and abused, but she's fed, clothed, and in no danger of dying or being taken advantage of by anyone other than her stepmother and stepsisters. Even if she escapes and manages to find financial security, her stepmother might be able to find her and get her back.

Why didn't Cinderella burn the house down with them inside it/slit their throats in the night/poison their food/etc.? Because that's a revenge fantasy, and this story is a fantasy about being saved. There's nothing wrong with making Cinderella into a revenge fantasy. That's perfectly fine, as long as you acknowledge that the other type of fantasy is also a valid interpretation. (I mean, the original fairy tale features the stepsisters getting their feet mutilated and all three of them getting their eyes pecked out, so go for it.)

Why isn't Cinderella more proactive in general? Because she's a child who has been abused for the back half of her life, who has had to be focused on survival because. you know. she's an abused kid.

How did she dance in glass slippers? Gotta agree with you there man, that's weird.

[randomness-is-my-order]

been seeing alot of discourse ensuing in the fandom about the pjo tv show and here’s the thing: there is alot of impetus about what the show didn’t get right but isn’t it absolutely amazing how much the show did get right????

yes, gabe is a bit different. yes, annabeth didn’t show percy around camp. yes, grover snitched on percy. yes, ms. dodds transforming could be a bit underwhleming.

BUT

we also have this: percy being an actual kid with sarcasm and sadness and anger and trauma. he’s not one-note. he’s just trying his best and his inner conflict is so painfully and wonderfully portrayed. grover being a nervous wreck at times but also sweet and earnest and guilt-ridden and brave in his own way. annabeth being a little girl wise beyond her years, with a stoicism that feels like something she was forced to practice and the spark of a dream driving her actions. luke being a likeable teenager with actual empathy towards percy which will drive home his fall from grace that much deeper.

chiron being a mentor figure who still makes questionable choices and can’t always say the words percy wants to hear, despite his best intentions. mr. d being an asshole who is still likeable, if only for his humor. sally jackson being a fierce mother with both tenderness and strength, who isn’t perfect but might as well be in percy’s eyes. clarisse being the unpleasant bully that she is, with all the rage and pettiness that she held within when we were first introduced to her yet with the promise of something more.

camp halfblood’s set and the cinematography deserve their own medals. they’re quite literally perfect.

soooo, where i’m getting at is this:

i don’t believe that all criticism pointing out inconsistencies with the books is just nitpicking. alot of it is well thought out and politely presented, too, and i think it’s important to point it out so the showrunners know where they went wrong and can try and rectify those errors–however small or big–in the next season. at the same time, undermining the entire show, discounting all the efforts made to remain faithful to the source material just because they strayed from a storyline that didn’t land as well as it could have–that’s a bit overblown, yes?

like it is an adaptation, not a word-by-word recreation from page to screen. of course, there will be changes because some things in a book don’t always translate well in a story told on the screen. for me, most changes aim to enhance rick’s work, not undermine it or take away from it in some misguided attempt to appeal to the larger audience like the movies did.

at the end of the day, it is very important to recognise the 90% of the show that depicted our beloved scenes from the book as faithfully as possible instead of constantly criticising the 10% of it that changed directions for a certain end goal that serves the screenwriting for a tv show. there can be balance of both praise and criticism and i’m very much in support of people pointing out genuine problems with the storytelling of the show but these conversations should also try and acknowledge the myriad of aspects in which the show excelled. like just the fact that i get to see so much of my imagination take form in front of my eyes, through a screen, with so much of the same authenticity that the pjo books are inlaid with–that’s genuinely mind-boggling to me.

[statisticalcats2]

Anyone else think it's really fuckin weird how the left would never attack a church, even though there's churches out there explicitly preaching terrorism? But we can attack a synagogue for. *Checks notes* a perfectly legal real estate event?

It's absolutely wild. Our country is literally steadily being taken over by Christofascists but all their churches are somehow safe from angry mobs. And even if they (the anti-Zionist activists) completely ignore their own country (it's not like they live here or anything!) and focus entirely on America's support of Israel, the Christofascists are still the big group supporting the worst aspects of Israel and Zionism. They'll sometimes acknowledge this when they fight against the idea that anti-Zionism can very easily bleed over into antisemitism and they need to watch themselves and listen, they'll throw out that little piece of trivia that there are more Christian Zionists in America than there are Jewish Zionists (hell, the number of Christian Zionists in America is at least in the range of, and possibly even higher than the number of Jews alive in the whole world) but it means nothing because they don't go after the Christian Zionists the way they do Jewish Zionists. They never threaten or attack their places of worship. They never pore over Christian publications or groups looking for events to call each other to action over. No, they always focus on everything Jewish, despite their acknowledgement of Christian Zionists. Those acknowledgements definitely seem to be a cop-out, a smokescreen to try and pretend they're genuine in only being anti-Zionist (for a given definition of Zionism).

There's a lot of talk over those types of Leftists who are obsessed with "punching up" but at least 95% of the time in practice are actually punching sideways or even down. And I think this is another example of that. Some probably actually believe that Jews are a super powerful, privileged group institution in America, on par with WASPs, but I'm sure some of them also realize they're not. And that's why they protest and threaten synagogues and not churches. That's why they march into Jewish neighborhoods and intimidate the inhabitants. It's low-hanging fruit. They want someone to attack and their list of targets very conveniently is almost identical to the list of targets of the supremacist culture they grew up in.

[stuckinapril]

how do you fall in love with yourself

unlearn the idea that confidence is conceit. i see this belief imposed on women especially, that if they’re very unapologetic about loving themselves it automatically means they’re narcissistic / think they’re better than everybody else. that’s not true at all. you can love yourself while also acknowledging you’re not inherently better than anyone else. you can love yourself while also being kind & supportive to others. it’s okay to be both of these things at once.

let go of the scarcity mindset. women (everyone really, but especially women) get pitted/compared against each other all the time. you see it w female celebrities in the media, but it’s very prevalent in real life as well. this is very much years of societal conditioning & both women & men partake in this behavior. ignore it. rest easy knowing that there can be multiple beautiful women, multiple smart women, multiple funny women in any environment at any given time. there is enough clout to go around; you don’t need to feel like if there’s another pretty/smart girl it means you no longer have the space to also be a pretty/smart girl. instead operate from an abundance mindset: always (alwaysss) be happy for other girls when they succeed, when they’re praised, when they’re loved, whatever. see them not as competition but as inspiration. envy is such a colossal waste of time bc nobody else’s accomplishments have any bearing on your own!!

get to know yourself more. i love the analogy of dating yourself bc it’s true. i went through a rough period of being around my ex 24/7 to the point i didn’t even know myself, and then i spent the post-breakup year hanging around everyone else constantly to numb my thoughts. now i’m spending more time alone than ever & i’m getting to know myself so much. learning about my taste in fashion, music, everything. and i’ve had so much more time to invest in hobbies & skills, which is very instrumental to building healthy self-esteem. ofc there’s a more balanced way to do this, but make sure you’re not running away from yourself!

what do you like outside of everybody’s opinion? don’t interpret this the wrong way—it’s completely fine to be inspired. every single person you know has copied someone else to an extent. but if you find yourself going too far, not trusting yourself to make the simplest decisions, just following trends blindly and nothing else, you’ve left the inspiration territory and started crossing into plagiarism. move from a place of self-direction and really think about what is naturally appealing to you. it doesn’t matter if it’s not popular or nobody else likes it. if you like it & if it makes you happy, that’s all you need.

practice self-love! i had to do this lol but it works wonders. i started intentionally telling myself that i trust my own taste, that i trust my own choices, that if i think something’s cool it’s good enough, talking to myself kindly etc etc. eventually all this stuff will become natural to you & you won’t find yourself having to expend so much energy into simply loving you for you. don’t give up even if it’s hard to believe at times.

don’t give a fuck. seriously. just don’t give a single flying fuck what someone else has to say. there will always be That One Person who tries to tear you down, belittles you, gaslights you etc etc and if you know in your heart you’re not doing anything wrong, just ignore and keep it pushing. you can’t be everyone’s favorite person (nor should you want to be). think of your favorite celebrity. anyone ever. they probably all got subjected to hate. now think of how they’re successful still & how it didn’t take anything away from them. there you go <3

if literally everyone on this planet starts hating you, loving yourself is still the antidote. to clarify, how others perceive us does hold weight. but if legit every single person i know started hating me, and i still loved myself, i’d probably still live a full life bc my perception is all that really matters in the end. i don’t need anyone else to be my #1 fan—i can do that myself just fine. it technically is actually your world & everyone else is just living in it. so enjoy that! stop giving a hard time to the one person who will always be w you through thick and thin (yourself). eat good food & watch good shows & read good books & just have fun. i love u

[actual-changeling]

Muriel isn't a child, they're not stupid or immature, and they CAN take care of themselves—with that, welcome to Alex's unhinged meta corner, hinged edition.

We need to talk about Muriel, so let's dive right in.

Despite the way many people depict them, they are the exact same age as every other angel, fallen or otherwise, and treating them as lesser because their mannerisms and expressions don't match up with what you think an 'adult' should look like doesn't mean they aren't one.

Not to speak of the ableism that's inherent to that kind of thinking, and actually, you know what? Before I keep talking, I want to ask you a question.

It is very common to talk about Muriel as a 'child of divorce', being 'adopted' by Crowley, someone 'precious' that needs protecting, and a lot of titles and concepts along those lines.

The question is: If, say, Uriel were in their place—sent down to earth after not being there for more than five minutes ever—would you still call him everything you call Muriel now? Would you treat him the same way you're treating them?

Would you see him the same way, and if not, why?

The question is, if any other angel were in Muriel's position, would you also infantilize them the way you currently do with Muriel?

Feel free to actually answer that question on my post or in your own, because I am genuinely curious about the reasoning, especially behind 'no' as an answer.

Heaven completely neglected them just like they did with everyone else, they were completely alone in a big, empty white room with nothing but a glass desk and presumably a chair for six thousand years—and probably even longer than that. Having someone ask them a job-related question every couple centuries doesn't even BEGIN to scratch the surface of their social needs.

When they came down to earth, it was the equivalent of one's first day at a new job, at university, at school, anywhere you had not been before but now plan on being for a while.

You come across others that have been there for twenty years and look like omniscient gods from your point of view; they run the game while you don't even know which game you're supposed to be playing. This is one of the reasons why they read as autistic to many, including myself, because that's exactly what every social situation feels like to me. That's for another post, though.

Of course they're socially awkward and easily overwhelmed! They were dropped off in a capital city after—and let me emphasise this once more—being completely alone for millennia.

The highest of the angels ordered them to do a specific job, like, fuck, I'd be having a nervous breakdown in the lift and curl up in a corner for a few hours because that thought is terrifying. Especially because failure is not something heaven accepts. Especially because they know what happens to those who disobey or disappoint in whatever shape or form.

When we see them, it is in that exact situation—talking to their bosses that they've likely never talked to before, arriving in a new world, being around new people, in a new environment, new everything. It always reminds me of this quote from Modern Family.

Muriel was assigned a rank and job just like everyone else, and they deserve the same respect and acknowledgement for it as the Guardian of the Eastern Gate or the Archangels themselves. Muriel is probably really fucking good at what they do, they've had millennia of practice, but we simply never see them in their everyday situations. Give them some time and support, and they'll be up to speed in no time.

They are not a child—don't treat them like one.

[cinnamonest]

not too sure if you've already put thought into it, but which yanderes would be/wouldn't be willing to break bones? i feel like for most of them it's a hard yes but depending on the circumstances and their mental fragility.

also sadisim. (COUGHCOUGHCHILDECOUGHCOUGH)

ignore this ask if you've already answered/have a question similar to this (or just don't want to answer/! and if your reqs are closed and my tumblrs just tweaking that's okay too!!

I would say Albedo initially, but he's a practical man, if you're not going to be using the limbs anyway might as well just take them off, so… as for some others…

Kazuha does it for practicality, specifically your ankles. It's a useful risk prevention method.

He still feels bad, and he apologizes… but he doesn't hesitate much. After all, he did give you fair warning, but you ran off yet again. This is just to keep you safe, for your own well-being, and for his peace of mind.

He's sweet about it too. He puts your hand against his arm beforehand, and tells you here, you can squeeze down on my arm, okay? After all, it will help with the initial pain.

He's still sweet when you squirm away and whimper, even though the grip with which he pulls you back is harsh.

I know. But I can't let you be a danger to yourself…

He holds you gently for however long it takes you to stop crying. He'll get you water and food and painkillers/alcohol, tends to your every need, waits on you hand and (broken) foot. Notably, once the initial reaction has died down, he stops really acknowledging it in any meaningful way, talks to you as if everything is normal. Even when addressing your leg, he talks about it as if it were some injury you acquired by other means.

You might be spiteful enough to bring it up and remind him that it's his fault, but he's quick to correct you, keeping a soft voice and gentle smile all the while.

You did have every opportunity to choose otherwise, you know. Ah, but I know you're upset… it's okay if you blame me.

He'll be fully patient for you to heal, too. He’s very cheerful once it's fully healed, says he's glad you're better, helps you walk around a bit to get readjusted, keeping his hands firmly supporting you the entire time. Even for a while after it's healed enough to walk, he checks on it from time to time to ensure the final stages of mending are going well.

He tells you you're fully healed, with a soft voice and ever-pleasant smile, not without adding—

Let’s hope it stays that way.

----

Childe has to be in a more angry mood than usual to get to that point. Usually, his form of sadism is the sort that focuses on a sort of pleasure-pain, the sort he can get off to… but this is a bit different.

It's only because you keep being irritating. He's really tolerant, you know? He's been so lenient, he tells you, he's been so nice, he's been so good to you, and what do you do? You keep being mean. It's cute up to a certain point, but you're being like, really really mean.

It's actually kind of nice, on his end, to see your immediate reaction — you can tell just by the strained smile and clenched teeth as he speaks that you've crossed some sort of line. For once, you actually shrink back, clutch your hands up at your chest defensively, start to take some steps back… but you can't get away fast enough before you're drug forward by the hair or neck.

Come on… it's not that hard to be good, is it?

It's a last chance — he's nice enough to give you that, at least, even if you don't deserve it (which you don't, he thinks). Come on. You can be good, you can apologize and submit and he'll forget all the spiteful shit you've done today and then you can have a nice, happy rest of the day. You can do it. It should be easy. He takes one of your hands in his, holding it with a sort of sincere pleading gesture.

But, even though you should know better, you still remain spiteful through your fear, narrow your eyes and tell him no. You try to jerk your hand away, only to find his grip on it is iron-firm.

His smile twitches.

Aw. That's too bad.

And thus, you process the sound and sight before the pain — you see him take your hand and twist it, hear the snap, and only then does the pain shoot up through your wrist, through your arm and to every nerve in your body. It's bad enough that you fall to your knees, squealing, cradling the now-unnaturally-twisted limb.

Yes, he's very very nice, but admittedly, hearing you wail like that is rather pleasing, all things considered. More so when he grabs you by the jaw, jerks your head up to force you to look at him, and sees the tears in your eyes, the way your face contorts with pain.

Maybe you can be good now…?

This time, you squeeze your eyes shut, frantically nodding your head, a pitiful little sound coming out of your throat. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't very satisfying.

---

There's also a notable difference between willing to break bones and likelihood of breaking bones, actively willing or not.

Some non-humans are particularly unaware of their strength — Xiao fits this well. He genuinely doesn't like hurting you, although you would think so, based on how much he does, it's just that he forgets how fragile you are. For someone of his strength, your body might as well be made of glass.

So it just sort of happens… he grabs you by the arm or leg and pulls in the wrong direction a bit too hard, there's a stomach-churning snapping sound and suddenly you're shrieking and crying. It startles him quite a bit — he lets go and shrinks back, all wide-eyed and head darting from side to side as he looks around in confused panic.

But just as with fragility, he's also not very aware of the durability of the human body. He’s not great at gauging severity of injury — normally, he just attacks creatures until they stop moving, because that's his goal when it comes to his responsibilities.

So he has no real reference for how much damage he's done. Bones are all connected, yes? He probably broke something important, or made some internal organ come apart somehow, and it will kill you. The thought sends him into a full-fledged panic, he's bolting off and dragging help back as fast as physically possible, explaining that you have sustained mortal injury and are on the verge of death.

He's at least comforted to learn that that is in fact not the case, and you have merely broken your arm, which, the innkeeper confirms, is in fact not fatal. He's too relieved to notice the blatant frustration in her voice (this marks the fourth time he's insisted you are about to die over something actually far more trivial), and merely nods when she asks to please be more careful.

He doesn't really know how to handle the matter from there. He feels guilty about it. You're obviously in pain, and it's his fault. He'll sit next to you, hunched over and staring with those big yellow eyes as if trying to make you heal faster with sheer willpower. Makes sure you don't get up and move around (despite your insistence that your legs are just fine — still can't take risks, he says), disappears for a while each day and comes back with mountaintop herbs that are supposed to dull pain.

He doesn't outright say sorry, but you can see the remorse on his face and in his actions, and it's actually kind of pitiful… it reminds you of a little kid that broke a vase sheepishly trying to put it back together… all in all, you can't really bring yourself to be harsh about it.

[worfsbarmitzvah]

I've thought about how gentile Abrahamic religions are antisemitic religious colonialism before and it pisses me off a ton and I'm thankful you said it, but now that it's someone besides me saying it, I'm gonna give some criticism (please don't take this personally)

Everything up to Abraham (particularly Adam and Noah) have G-d creating and tending to the entirety of humanity, right?

During Abraham's time, it should stand for something that G-d tends to Hagar and Ishmael, right? Especially since Hagar gives her own name for G-d and He makes a promise to Ishmael that he'll be the father of nations (or something like that). And I think the Prophet Muhammad is supposed to be descended from Ishmael.

And Noahides are a whole Thing in all this too ofc.

But the bigger thing is there are definitely texts and interpretations that take G-d being the G-d of the Hebrews and extend it to Henotheism, but for the Jews who are purely monotheists and say there is truly only one G-d in existence and He belongs only to us, isn't it cruel to totally deny the vast majority of humanity the Divine, especially if He is still their Creator and controls the world(s) they live in?

this whole thing is coming from the assumption that judaism was always monotheistic. it wasn’t. at one point in time we were monolatrous, meaning we only worshipped one g-d but didn’t deny the existence of others. hell, the language used in the torah supports this (the way the text treats egypt’s g-ds being perhaps the most prominent example). hashem has always been our specific g-d, since before the idea emerged that he is the only g-d. our/the world’s perception of him may have since evolved into this idea of one singular deity, but it has not always been that way.

hagar and ishmael still come from our mythology surrounding our particular g-d. the idea then emerged in islam, which was born with the same jewish roots that christianity was, that muslims were descended from ishmael. and, like, i don’t really mind or care about that either way. ishmael’s not a super major figure in our folklore. the story, along others in breishit, genuinely does lend itself to the idea that hashem can be the guardian of many different peoples, families, and nations. and to tell the truth i don’t genuinely have much of a problem with sharing some folklore and roots.

but it NEEDS to be acknowledged where those roots come from. for so much of history, right up until today, christians and muslims have pretended they know our g-d and our folklore and our history better than we do. they have MURDERED us for worshipping our g-d and practicing our customs in OUR way, the way we have been since before their religions and cultures emerged. if the religions that find their roots in our culture were more willing to listen to us, respect us, and learn from us, maybe i’d be less angry. but they’re not. they’ve tried and tried and tried to eradicate us and erase where they came from and make our stuff theirs. i don’t think it has to be like that forever but i don’t think we’re very close to it not being like that as of now.

also, i can’t think of a single cultural mythology that doesn’t have a creation story of some kind. it’s just the kind of thing that societies do when they try to make sense of their place in the grand scheme. the fact that we believe our g-d created the entire world does not actually mean that that story or that g-d belongs to the entire world. the fact that everybody thinks our creation myth applies to and belongs to them is just more evidence of how widely our culture has been co-opted.

there’s nothing we can do to change the fact that our g-d has been made universal (either through the natural evolution of our theology or from colonialism and cultural theft, more likely a combination of both) and i have to be fine with that. sure, fine, the people who have adopted our g-d as their own without actually bothering to understand us at all can outnumber us by orders of magnitude.

but why does our holy city have to also be their holy city? the christians have the vatican and rome and islam has mecca and medina. why do they need jerusalem? why can’t even that just be ours?

again, i have to push this aside and be okay with sharing if i truly want to have peace in our land. and i do, because i love eretz yisrael and yerushalayim more than i hate what has been done to her. the situation has grown so far beyond the injustices i am angry about that it is impossible to right those injustices without creating brand new ones. so i will be okay with sharing our g-d, our texts, and our land. but that doesn’t mean the injustice of it won’t burn like a fire in my heart.

[avianyuh]

Irresponsible | Lee Heeseung

Summary: You're a beloved idol from 3rd gen. Your company is under HYBE, so you meet a lot of other idols just by walking the halls, leaving practice rooms and recording booths, and of course, riding the elevator. So, after a long night of demo making, on your way out of the building during your quiet elevator ride down, Heeseung gets on, also after a long night of recording.

word count:2.7k

“What were you thinking? Let me ask you this…Do you fully comprehend just how much damage this will do to not only your, but his career?”, “Do you know how irresponsible you’ve been?”, one of the chairman yelled. 

I was sitting in a room full of executives. The table extended half of the size of the room. I had at least 30 people staring at me with expressionless faces. All middle aged men, judging me. What exactly do you do in a scenario where everyone has just found out about your love life and is now putting you on blast, like you’re a criminal, like you’ve done something horrendous. I stared out of the huge window to my left, mainly trying to avoid the judging onlookers. My manager sat on one side and my group’s leader was sat on the other. She was squeezing my hand under the table for moral support. My manager, though a little angry that I got caught, which he claims made him look bad, was still trying to defend me and calm the chairmen down. My manager straightened in his chair before clearing his throat. Everyone's eyes averted from me over to him momentarily which helped me calm down.

“I understand that everyone’s a bit on edge, but I think all we need to do is calm down, be reasonable and just release a statement denying the whole thing. This happens all the time…”, my manager was rambling on and on about how to do crisis PR management. I kept my gaze locked on the ground as I fidgeted with my feet. But then, in a matter of seconds, it felt like the world stopped. Everyone looked up and turned to face the large doors that led into the gigantic office. First, a middle aged man walked in, his head held high until he took a slight bow, greeting everyone. The CEO, along with the other minions all nodded back, their form of acknowledgement. After the man, came another manager, younger, someone you had sort of become familiar with over the past few months as you would come in and out of the dorms of your boyfriend. He briefly glanced over at you, but he didn’t smile. Most likely because just like your manager, this dating “slip up”, made him look bad. You gave a very small smile anyways, which was your way of silently apologizing for all of the trouble. After the manager walked in, you felt your heart start to race as you stared intently at the tall figure. In walked Heeseung, he kept his head down as he walked through the doors. But then for a short few seconds, he looked up at you, and this time it was you receiving a small smile. Except, this one wasn’t apologetic, it was reassuring. It was exactly what you needed to see since all of this happened. He bowed, before sitting down at the far end of the table. Jungwon followed in right behind him and took a seat. The fact that both of your group's leaders had to sit in on this meeting made you nervous. It made you think that certain decisions were possibly going to be made that would need the leaders present for. You took a deep breath in as you once again pointed your head down, eyes locked on the floor. It was just then when the CEO, along with his minions stood up. The CEO picked up a stack of papers before straightening them out on the desk. He then handed them to one of his assistants who then proceeded to pass them around the table. 

Once you got yours, you started to feel sick as you read its contents. It was a contract of some sort. Well, more like an NDA. It was asking for all “parties involved” to not discuss anything that went on in the meeting. As you finished skimming the paper, you looked over at Heeseung, who now had a serious look on his face. He looked over at you once he too was finished reading. He subtly shook his head in disappointment, glancing down at the contract. Your group leader squeezed your hand again, she truly did feel bad for you. 

You see, not only was this a dating scandal between two idols. It was a dating scandal between a “senior” and “junior” idol. You were three years older than Heeseung and had debuted 6 years before him. Your group were viewed as legends in the industry. Very well respected. Your group had been acquired by HYBE, which was where you had met Heeseung. You had seen him around that first year after his debut, you didn’t know his name but always felt drawn to him. You would sneak glances at each other if you passed in a hallway or saw him at any event you might have both attended. But nothing had really come of those interactions. It wasn’t until you had been in the same elevator one fateful evening that you finally introduced yourselves. You had stayed late on your company’s floor to work on some music, and coincidentally so had Heeseung. You had finished demos before you had noticed how late it was getting. So you locked your studio door and tiredly waddled toward the elevator, ready to make the trek back to your apartment. You were really sleepy and weren't in the mood to have a conversation with anyone. And to be honest, you didn’t expect to see anyone that late at night anyways. So you stood with your back against the elevator wall, and momentarily closed your eyes. But instead of being met with the sound of the elevator descending, you heard it open, and the sound of footsteps. You opened your eyes, now a little annoyed that someone else was in here with you, but tensed up at the sight of who this elevator intruder was. 

“Oh, hello”, Heeseung greeted you, bowing before looking over at the buttons. “Are you going to the ground floor?”, for a second, all you did was look at him before you snapped yourself out of the trance you seemed to put yourself in. But, you had to admit that he was so handsome to look at. He had on glasses, a beanie, and very tired looking eyes. 

“Uh, yes, yeah, I’m leaving”, you tried to sound nonchalant. “Oh, you’re Heeseung right?”, you asked, trying to sound casual. He gave you a bright smile as he nodded his head yes. 

“It’s an honor to finally get to talk, I’ve seen you around the building for months.”, he said kindly. His words made your heart flutter. That means he noticed you too, you thought to yourself. “I would’ve introduced myself a long time ago, but I wasn’t sure if you were busy with something.”, he explained as you now both stood facing each other. 

“Don’t worry about it, because that was my exact thought process too! I wanted to introduce myself but you always seemed like you were in the middle of something…”, you both laughed at the shared hesitancy. “So what were you doing here so late?”, you asked, trying to get more information from him. 

“I could ask you the same question”, he playfully responded. You pursed your lips together and you tried to conceal your growing grin. 

“I asked first.”, you retorted. He laughed as he threw his hands up, giving in. 

“Wow, you're pushy. I was working on a song.”, he explained as he leaned against the elevator wall. “Now…what were you doing here so late?”, he quipped. 

“Same reason, except I got through two songs”, you teased as you threw up two fingers. 

“Impressive”, he responded. You could feel a blush creeping up to your cheeks, so you looked down for a second to compile your composure. When you looked back up, you were met with his eyes staring directly at you. You could sense the intensity of his gaze. He seemed to be scanning your face, almost like he was analyzing you. 

So, you did the same. All conversation stopped for a good 30 seconds until Heeseung started speaking again. “Are you coming in tomorrow?”, he questioned, still staring at you with the same intensity. You decided to be honest with him. You were trying to feel out his intentions. 

“I wasn’t planning on it, but if you’ll be here then maybe I will.”you gave him a soft, closed lipped smile. He returned the expression just as the elevator doors opened again this time actually on the ground floor. 

And just as you both ‘planned’, the next day, you paced the hallways, waiting for the perfect moment to run into Heeseung again. So, after multiple vending machine runs and jogs around your company floor, you decided to call it quits for the night since you really didn’t get any work done. You were way too focused on if you’d see Heeseung. You realized that though you came in on the same night as him, you didn’t know what time he was leaving. You told yourself that maybe it was for the best. After all, he was your “junior”, it probably wasn’t a good idea. So, you started to exit out of everything and close down your computer when all of a sudden you heard a light tap on the door. You turned and looked, trying to make out the silhouette on the other side. But, deep down, you suspected that you knew who your late night visitor was, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up.You opened the door and there he was. Leaning against the door frame, hands in his pockets looking tall and calm and handsome, Heeseung. 

“Hi”, you greeted him as you waved him inside. He gladly accepted as he entered your studio, doing a 360 as he started looking around. “I was actually about to shut everything off for the night. I wasn’t having much luck with music today.”, you explained since you noticed him looking at your dark computer screen. 

“Oh you have writer's block?”, Heeseung questioned, giving you a look of genuine curiosity. “Is it just today, or have you been having a problem for a while?”

You didn’t know what it was about him, but as you watched him sit down and wave you over to the other empty seat, you couldn’t help but feel so at ease around him. Yeah, you were attracted to him, and normally when you found a guy attractive, it made you overthink everything, but around him? Calm, cool and collected. It was strange. 

“No, it just seems to be a problem today, I was fine yesterday. I guess I’m distracted.”, you murmured. He raised his eyebrow, leaning forward in his seat so he was closer to you. 

“What are you distracted by?”, he whispered. You looked at him, first focused on his eyes, then your gaze darted down to his lips. You told yourself over and over in your mind that it was a bad idea, and you didn’t want to get him or yourself in any trouble, but honestly, he was looking very irresistible. 

You took a deep breath in, “I don’t know”, you responded back, also in a whisper. And that was when he leaned in, Heeseung’s lips crashed into yours. You pulled him by his shirt closer into your body. Your eyes were closed, your heart was racing as you sunk deeper and deeper into his affection, into his kisses. You both momentarily halted your makeout, taking a minute to catch your breath before going back in for more. 

And that was the start of your relationship. 

After that, the two of you snuck around quite a lot. Because your group was older than Heeseung’s, you guys didn’t live in dorms anymore and all of your members had their own places. You were no different. And because Heeseung lived in a dorm with many other people, including managers, it made it hard to spend time at his residence. So most nights, if he could sneak away, he’d come over to your place and spend the night. This however, after almost a year of dating, would end up backfiring when you were followed home one night. However you didn’t go home alone, you were returning from a date with Heeseung. Someone was hiding in a bush across the street and snapped as many pictures as they could of the two of you walking into the apartment. Then the next morning, more pictures were taken of Heeseung walking out, with you leaving an hour later. 

So obviously, the media had a field day with the story when the pictures got leaked. And now here you are. Forced to sign a NDA, basically pressured into breaking up your relationship with the man you had fallen in love with. You glanced over at Heeseung again, which is where you locked eyes. His gave off a sense of sadness. Something you hated to see in him. You only ever wanted him to be happy. And you thought that you could make him happy, but now you felt like all you caused Heeseung was pain, due to you being irresponsible. One of the staff for Enhypen stood up, gesturing towards me, “We mean no disrespect, but we feel that if the company confirms this relationship, these reports I should say, we feel that Heeseung’s career would be put in jeopardy. Y/n is not only older in age, but in experience. This should be her problem, her apology to make. We should deny it and all move on.” The man sat back down in his seat, Heeseung shook his head in disapproval and mouthed an I’m so sorry, towards you. You nodded reassuringly at him before looking back over at the CEO. You felt powerless, like no matter what was proposed, you were going to end up as the big loser in this. Your manager stood up just then and started to speak, “I don’t see what the problem is. And matter of fact, I don’t see why you’re shaming Y/n”, he said angrily, “They’re both adults, if they want to date, let them! What’s the point in making her look bad? Just admit it, let people be upset for three days and then watch them move on. Why punish these kids?”, he questioned. The room went quiet for a second before the CEO cleared his throat. Everyone turned to look over at him. 

“This relationship is too high of a risk to take. We will deny it and move on. End of story.”, and with that, the CEO was up and out of his chair, walking out of the room. You felt a lump start to form in your throat, the kind you get when you’re about to cry. But in this case, tears were actually starting to form in your eyes. You tried to discreetly look up at the ceiling to get them to sink back in and not fall, but you were positive that your emotions were easily readable to all the onlookers. Heeseung’s manager ushered him out of the room before you could even say a word to him. But as he was being pushed out, he looked back over at you and gave you a wink. Your group’s leader held your hand under the table as she tried to tell you that everything was going to be okay. But you didn’t need her reassurance. You knew that everything would work out. 

That night, instead of the sound of keys jingling at your front door, you heard a tapping sound coming from your bedroom window. Upon arriving in your bedroom, there was Heeseung standing outside on the small balcony. You laughed and opened the window as you watched him climb in. You stared at each other for a few seconds, no words spoken between you. All he did was pull your body into his own as he smashed his lips onto yours. His kisses were comforting, familiar and reassuring. Which was everything you needed from your boyfriend. As he pulled away, he held your face in his hands as he peered into your eyes, “No one could ever take me away from you”, he whispered. 

“I know”, you responded as you rested your head on his chest. 

[bitchesgetriches]

Bitches I need some advice.

I'm fat, okay? I'm not ashamed about it. It just... Is. I'm fat.

Being fat is also fucking me up. It's causing me sleep problems, it's fucking my joints, I can't walk as far as I used to, I haven't run in years.

I want to lose weight. Not for anyone else. For me. I want to be fit again.

I'm surrounded by people telling me I'm "not fat" and need to "love myself like I am". I'm 210lb and 5'3". Ya girl is fat. And I'm okay with that it's not a bad word. I love myself. But I also love the things I used to be able to do when I was fitter. It's just really fucking hard.

I've got zero support left and right. And I don't know what to do. I know this isn't your area of expertise, but you're such great internet mamas that maybe you can help.

My darling child, we are SO humbled that you came to us with this. And while this isn't an area of our OFFICIAL expertise... weight and athleticism is something that I, Piggy, personally think a lot about! So let me see if I can offer some support to you, my beloved fat child.

By way of background: I have never been fat. Heavier than I want currently, but not fat. So I don't completely understand what you're going through. I have always been an athlete of one sort or the other. But more than that, I have always had the privilege of being relatively skinny without trying. At peak fitness I was running and rock climbing and doing all the stretchy and weight-trainy stuff. I was 5'5" and 130 lbs of jacked Bitch.

I am also a proud Italian American woman, which means that after 30 genetics decreed that I start putting on weight and rounding out and coming into my full Zia-ness. I'm currently 155 lbs. and running/climbing/stretching/jumping about/weight training is getting harder and harder. And that's frustrating to me.

Fat is not a bad word, merely a descriptor. So I'mma use it just as you have! I'm proud that you are prioritizing your health and ability to do what you love over losing weight for the sake of just being smaller. Because let's be clear: weight and health do not necessarily go hand in hand. If your goal is to improve your sleep quality, energy levels, and joint pain, then you should focus on activities that will work directly on those issues. Maybe that'll lead to weight loss--maybe not!

A lot of the medical establishment is cruel to fat people, so I'd be cautious about approaching this with your doctor. But you SHOULD get medical guidance before embarking on any kind of physical change. If your doctor says "Well, just lose weight through diet and exercise!" then you might want to look for a new doctor. If they instead offer practical solutions for incremental improvement, then great.

One of my favorite athletes is The Mirnavator. She's a fat marathon runner and offers a lot of information on how to start walking more and running as a fat person. I think she'll be a good role model for you as she focuses a lot on energy and joint health.

Also, you should check out Aubrey Gordon's blog Your Fat Friend and her podcast with Michael Hobbes, Maintenance Phase. She's also got some great books out! She's a fat expert on weight loss and diet culture. And her insights into healthy nutrition and body image are amazing. Her data-based approach will help you avoid the extreme dieting and weight loss trends that can hurt your health. Plus she's funny as fuck.

Lastly I will just say that mental health is tied to physical health. You're bummed about not doing the things you use to be able to do... and that probably makes it a lot harder to change! Acknowledge any depression or anxiety you feel about being fat and give yourself compassion. Start small and do what feels good.

Now here are two VERY old articles I wrote when I knew less about fatness. I think they still have a little bit to offer, though:

Why You Probably Don't Need That Gym Membership

Run With Me if You Want to Save: How Exercising Will Save You Money 

Any fat members of Bitch Nation who want to weigh in? Uh... pun not intended.

[musicalmoritz]

if TBHK couples have kids, what will their parenting look like?

Awww, this is such a cute question!! I’m gonna do my main ones to keep this short but if you want to hear my takes on any others feel free to lmk!!

Aoinene

• Gotta do the gay moms first

• Unsure of whether they’d have a son or a daughter…either way these too are gonna adore their kid

• Aoi would be the strict mom, her own mother seems to be pretty controlling and she gives me “turning into your parent” vibes. She’d try to acknowledge when that behavior goes too far tho and eventually try to loosen up a little. She’s not the first they go to when they’re in trouble but she gives the best advice; and she doesn’t really get mad or yell, more-so she gets stern

• Nene would be the exact opposite. She’s not a regular mom, she’s a cool mom/ref. Definitely the type to take her kid on spontaneous shopping trips and not tell Aoi until they’ve already splurged. It’s okay tho because Aoi can’t stay mad at her wife. She buys her kid extra treats every time she stops by the store, and takes them for ice cream every Friday

• As they’ve both had their own mental health struggles, they would check in a lot with their child to make sure they’re doing okay

• Their family might struggle with communication because, well, it’s Aoinene, but they’re certainly going to make an effort. They’d be really into family holiday traditions, I’m talking movie binges, festivals, decorating, big meals, etc.

Terukane

• Teru practically already has two kids so whoever he’s dating is going to get the co-parenting experience (at least with Tiara, Kou becomes more of an awkward brother-in-law)

• These two would so be girl dads you cannot change my mind. If it’s not Tiara then it’s another little girl they adopted

• Teru would be a total helicopter parent, not necessarily strict like Aoi but very overprotective. And he’d do that typical parent manipulation tactic of “oh I guess I’m just the worst dad ever” during arguments. But don’t let those traits fool you, he would be the most loving dad ever. His kids are his entire life, he probably carries pictures around of them in his wallet

• Akane would also be a good dad, just less overbearing. He’d be the type to take his kid to the baseball field or yell at them over math homework at the kitchen table. It would be that type of parent/child dynamic where they immediately look at each other whenever another family member says smth out of pocket. He’s really good at taking care of ppl so he’s be very doting at times like Teru

• Since neither of their parents seem to be very active in their lives they’d try to devote as much time and attention to their daughter as possible

• One of those family dynamics where they constantly make fun of each other but it’s obvious they love each other more than anything

Mitsukou

• In an au where they could grow up together…

• They have a son or a son and a daughter

• Kou would be one of those overly loving fun dads. The type of guy you think of when you hear “dad energy.” He tries to make conversation with all his kids’ friends and it’s awkward. And he’d start a bunch of projects for his kids like building a pool or planning family vacations. If one of his kids has a rough day he sits them down for an emotional talk. Overachiever Dad, if you will

• Mitsuba would be the type of dad to lovingly bully his kids 24/7. Yes he critiques their outfit choices every day. Yes he gives his input on school drama. He’d be very annoying but at the end of the day still care a lot, I like to think he’d have a subtle overprotective streak. Kou does like 80% of the parenting for him but he’s there for emotional support

• They care a lot abt making sure their kid has hobbies and friends so they’re both on the PTA

• They’re one of those really annoying families that wear matching pajamas at Christmas. Yes you are going to see their aesthetic family pictures every time you open Instagram. The kids think they’re too cool for it but they’re not

I hope you enjoyed these, thank you for the ask!

[manofbeskar]

Okay, I am interested in your Dracule Uta posts now. (She's just so cute and I just know he embroidered that flower on her onesie!!) I need to know more!!

I don't have too much details yet but this is what I have for now:

While Shanks finds her in a treasure chest after raiding another crew, Mihawk instead finds her after killing some marines and discovering her on their ship, eating a devil fruit. He figures the Marines probably don't have good intentions for her so he takes her with him.

For the first few days/weeks, he tries to find another home for her. He thinks his life as a marine hunter and lone pirate is too dangerous to care for an infant. A bit of a Buddy Daddies thing in that way, that he's too dangerous to be around and frankly doesn't want the responsibility.

When he finds out which devil fruit she ate (still the Sing-Sing fruit), he realises he can't risk her falling into the hands of someone more corrupt who can manipulate her powers. He decides to go all in and try his best to raise her properly.

He goes to Shanks for help. He himself never had good parents, but he knows Shanks had a good relationship with Roger and his crew also has older men who may have advice to offer. He gets closer to the RHP this way, learning from them how to best care for a baby.

Shanks grows close to Uta. He likes that her hair makes her look like his and Mihawk's baby. He also treats her like she is their kid, always accidentally calls himself her father. Uta also thinks of him like that. Similar to Buddy Daddies again, Mihawk and Shanks both acknowledge they have parental roles in her life but, at this point in time, don't view themselves as romantic co-parents.

(Of course, they have feelings for each other but Mihawk is oblivious to his feelings and Shanks is secretly crushing hard. He loves how good Mihawk is with the kid and how hard he's trying)

Shanks likes to bribe Uta with sweets to talk him up to Mihawk. Always backfires on him because she's way too frank about it (learned that from Mihawk). She'll just say shit like, "Mihawk, Shanks told me he wants to kiss you!" and it embarrasses Shanks every time.

Uta loves being carried by Mihawk. He carries and controls Yoru so easily. Even teen Uta is practically weightless in his arms. It reminds her of when he first found her and rocked her in his arms as they rode his boat back to his home.

Uta sees Mihawk and Shanks's feelings for each other grow over the years until on her 12th birthday she told them to get a grip and go out already. They went out and have been together ever since.

Mihawk and Shanks figured out a co-parenting arrangement a few years before Shanks docked at Windmill Village. Mihawk thinks it will be good for Uta to go sailing with Shanks every once in a while as his experiences sailing with him have always ended with fun stories and meeting new people.

Mihawk wants Uta to get out there and appreciate the world's vastness. He often takes her sailing (if she isn't sailing with Shanks) and shows her all his favourite spots. Sometimes Shanks comes along and tells her stories of "that time me and Mihawk came here ourselves and this really cool thing happened"

Mihawk let Shanks take Uta for longer than before when he docked at Windmill Village as he wanted Uta to make long-term friends that weren't twice her age like himself and the RHP, so she still meets Luffy. While he is a loner, he wants Uta to experience everything and meet people from all walks of life so she can figure out exactly who she wants to be.

Mihawk trained her to be a strong swordswoman since young. She's very skilled with the blade but told him she wanted to be a singer. Mihawk supports her preference and is happy to listen to all her new songs. As he strived to be the greatest swordsman when he was young, he now wants to help Uta become the greatest musician. He tunes in for every broadcast she does and makes sure the RHP catches them too. Uta still cares a lot about her swordsmanship and practices it often to stay sharp.

She carried a bamboo sword as a kid, then got Shanks's old one with the red hilt as a hand-me-down when she was 15. For her 18th birthday, Mihawk had a Yoru-inspired blade crafted for her. She named it "Musica". It looks similar to Yoru but the orbs are red and heart-shaped, the blade isn't black, and it's shorter.

She lives at Kuraigana with Mihawk but splits her time between there and wherever Shanks is. When Perona moved in, they became close friends. Perona loves hearing about her Mihawk stories. She also regularly duels with Zoro when he moves in, insists he doesn't stand a chance against Mihawk if he can't even beat his first student.

Uta's favourite colour is teal because it's the colour Yoru's blade shines.

Her eyes have rings as Mihawk also taught her powerful observation haki (I don't know if the rings are directly relevant to that but I like how the rings look on her)

[jebewonmorelike]

One Man's Loss Is Another Man's Gain

wc: 4k warnings: none; a little angsty, very fluffy ending; some swears; the other guy in this is a bit of a meanie bo beanie and won't leave you alone pronouns: none used; n/a summary: when a popular boy keeps begging reader for a second chance, bestfriend!taerae pretends to be their boyfriend to finally get rid of him; university au ~masterlist~ ♡ ~kofi (no pressure at all)~ Guys. Tae Rae and I have the same birthday (but a different year). I think I also have a very bright smile that is endearingly too large for my face. Must be a 7/14 birthday thing :) Kim Taerae I adore u, u perfect angel u

“Oh my god, ew!” You squeal. “Absolutely not.”

Noah rolls her eyes. “Really? He’s standing right there.”

You look to your left at your best friend Taerae, who is biting his lip quietly. “Sorry, Tae. Obviously I don’t mean that you’re gross. But you are gross to me.”

He nods. “No, yeah. I get it.”

Noah smacks your shoulder. “Come on, (Y/N). This is brilliant. You fake-date Taerae for a couple weeks and everyone stops bothering you. And then you can ‘break up’ and go right back to normal,” she urges. “Simple.”

“Taerae does not want to do that,” you reply, waiting for him to agree. The silence you’re met with is concerning. “Right, Taerae?”

Your friend is still chewing on his lip in contemplation when your eyes meet his again. “I don’t want people bothering you anymore. Especially that asshole…”

Brandon. President of the university honor society. Captain of the basketball team. Your assigned desk partner in Latin American History.

You'd sat next to him all semester, starry-eyed as you silently willed him to talk to you before finally being assigned to a project together on La Nueva Canción-- Chilean revolutionary music. Taerae had pouted for days when you were assigned the only topic relating to music.

The truth was, you didn't really care what topic you were assigned. The only thing that mattered to you was that after your topic had been assigned by your professor, Brandon turned to you for the first time all year and said, "Sounds kind of cool."

You nodded far too enthusiastically.

For a week, you met with Brandon in the library after his basketball practice to research La Nueva Canción and construct a compelling slideshow presentation for class. As far as you were concerned, spending your nights in the library was absolute bliss. Brandon smiled at you (sometimes), joked with you (twice), and even complimented you on your font choice for the presentation...

Then one night, a group of guys approached your table in the library. Brandon audibly sighed before putting on a smile to greet them. You recognized some of them as other guys on the basketball and football teams.

"You going out tonight?" One of them asked, resting his hand on Brandon's shoulder.

Brandon shook his head. "I'm tired."

Another guy rolled his eyes. "No, you're not. You just don't want to go out without Melanie."

Brandon shrugged. "I didn't say that."

"Yeah, but we all know it. Come on, man. Go ahead and get back out there. You can pull anyone you want!" The first guy insisted.

"I--..." Brandon stuttered before his head turned quickly to look at you, eyes lighting up. "I already did."

You blinked back at him wordlessly, unsure of what was going on. Brandon reached across the table, resting his large hand on top of yours.

"We're going out," Brandon announced. "Tonight."

The group of boys looked at you, seemingly having not even noticed you before Brandon's acknowledgement. Their brows furrowed confusedly, looking back and forth between each other to see if their eyes deceived them.

"But that's--," one of the guys started to say, but Brandon cut them off.

"Awesome, right? I thank you for being so supportive of me. We need to wrap up this project fast though if we want to make it to our dinner reservation on time! See you guys tomorrow," Brandon said quickly, waving at the guys until they gave up and left.

When it was just the two of you again, Brandon's head fell to his hands as he laughed in relief. He looked back up at you after a moment. "Sorry about that."

You were sure your eyes were absolutely bugging out of their sockets.

"Can I make it up to you by... buying you dinner or something?" Brandon offered with a lop-sided smile.

Your ability to suppress the scream that had built in your throat was an impressive display of restraint. "Really?"

Brandon shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Why not?"

You nodded. "Okay."

"Wanna meet at the cafe down the street in an hour? I just want to drop my stuff off in my room and change," he suggested, picking up his bag and throwing his laptop and loose papers in.

You nodded again. "Okay."

Brandon exhaled a laugh, before making his way to the doors. "Okay."

You spent the next forty-five minutes racing back to your dorm and getting ready for your date with Brandon. Changing into something presentable, applying an ample amount of moisturizer to your face, and fixing your hair before rushing back out the door and strolling happily down the street to the cafe across from campus.

It was about 10:30 P.M. when you arrived and, once inside, you sat down at a table with cushioned chairs by the window. A waitress came to grab your order and, after a few minutes, brought you your drink.

"You look so lovely," she complimented, placing the drink down on your table. "Are you waiting for someone?"

You smiled shyly and nodded.

"Whoever it is is very lucky!" She remarked sweetly and returned to her post.

You took out your phone, scrolling mindlessly through Instagram while you waited for Brandon to arrive. You kept one eye glued to the door as the minutes passed, your heart beating so fast you considered the possibility of needing an ambulance.

But after ten minutes, twenty minutes, thirty minutes...

An hour later, you finally texted Noah.

Noah, you will NOT guess what happened... :)) Okay, I'll tell you! Brandon asked me out and now I'm waiting for him at the cafe across from campus!!

She responded quickly.

(Y/N)... Is that true? I don't know how to tell you this, but Brandon's at this party I'm at. And... I'm so sorry. I'll just show you.

You clicked on the video that Noah sent you, a bit blurry at first before zooming in on two people intensely making out. Your previously rapidly beating heart ceased all of its thumping as it sunk to the bottom of your stomach.

As they pulled apart, people around them cheered and shouted. Looking around the room with the biggest grin on his face was Brandon, his ex-girlfriend Melanie clinging to his chest.

Your eyes began to water involuntarily, wondering how you could've been so stupid. Wiping them quickly, you placed some cash on your table for the nice waitress and exited the cafe. You had been so distracted by the upsetting news that you hadn't even noticed it had started to downpour.

Mud and giant puddles lining the street, there was no chance you were making it safely back to your dorm by walking. Standing under the awning, heavy rain hitting the pavement and bouncing up to soak your clothes, you weren't sure if the water under your eyes was tears from the sky or tears from you.

Headlights bathing you in sickeningly bright light caused you to break momentarily from your crying spell. A car door opened and closed as a figure holding an umbrella made their way up to you.

"You look like a wet rat," the familiar, honey-like voice joked as he stepped under the awning with you.

"Taerae?" You wondered if your teary eyes deceived you. "How did you know I was here?"

He laughed that gorgeous baritone laugh. "You know Noah can't keep her mouth shut for anything."

You wanted to laugh, but you just couldn't. Instead, you wrapped your arms around Taerae and clung on for dear life. He was a bit surprised at first, seeing as your physical affection towards him usually manifested in the form of a punch or smack. But after a moment, his arms tightened around you, one hand gently caressing the back of your head.

"It's okay," he soothed. "It's gonna be okay. You deserve so much better than him."

You just squeezed him tighter.

"He's gonna regret treating you like this."

~

Brandon and Melanie broke up again before the clock had struck midnight.

And the next day, rumors started swirling that Brandon had stood up the Chancellor's kid at the cafe across from campus.

That was apparently when Brandon first learned that the University Chancellor was your dad.

He had shown up at your dorm, knocking on the door frantically. You opened it, shocked to see the boy you had such a devastatingly huge crush on in front of you.

"(Y/N), I'm so sorry," he said, his tone a bit frantic. "I'm so sorry that I stood you up Friday night. That was absolutely horrible of me. I was so tired, I just knocked out and--."

"And sleepwalked into a party and down Melanie's throat?"

His face fell as he realized he was caught in a lie. He sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry. I wish I could go back and change it, but I can't."

You nodded. "Okay."

"If you give me one more chance, I swear I'll make it up to you," he said, hopefully.

You couldn't lie-- your heart fluttered at his words. But after that night, crying as Taerae drove you back to your dorm, you knew you couldn't agree right away. "I'll think about it."

"Awesome!" Brandon says with a grin before lowering his voice and scratching his arm awkwardly. "I, uh... I didn't know the Chancellor was your dad."

"Oh. Yeah," you replied, brow furrowing a bit suspiciously. Why did that matter to him? Why was he bringing that up now?

"You're not gonna, like... say anything to him right? About me?"

"Why would I say something to him about you?" You asked, genuinely confused as to what his thought process was.

Brandon sighed with relief. "Oh, that's so good to hear. I want to keep playing basketball, you know?"

He laughed as you stared at him disappointedly, finally understanding why he was really here. Brandon was on a sports scholarship... and he was trying to make sure you wouldn't cause him to lose it.

"I'm not gonna snitch on you," you said, nodding as the truth sunk in. "So you didn't need to come here and pretend you were sorry."

His eyes widen, panic re-setting in. "No! Oh god, no, that's not what I was doing. I really am--."

You shut the door in his face.

And you've shut the door in his face for five days now. Every day, he'd knock on your door and beg you to go out with him and, when you refused, begged you to not tell your dad what an asshole he was.

Not to mention, you couldn't enter the student union or the dining hall without hearing people whisper around you. What had become apparent to you quickly was that Brandon wasn't going to stop any time soon and neither were the rumors flying around you.

So standing outside in the courtyard with Noah and Taerae now, you consider your best friend's sentiment.

"If it'll make him stop bothering you, I'll do it," Taerae says decisively, picking at a leaf on the tree he's leaning on.

You swallow hard. "Okay."

Noah screeches. "OH MY GOD! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE REALLY GONNA DATE TAERAE!?"

You stare at her incredulously. "You literally told me to!"

She huffs. "I didn't think you'd actually do it."

"Well," you say, looking at Taerae who is still doing everything he possibly can not to meet your gaze. "I think it's probably the best plan we've got."

Taerae hums. "So, when do we start?"

"Huh?" You ask, tilting your head to the side.

"When do we start dating?" He asks, finally looking at you with an awkward, dimpled smile. "Now?"

"Oh shit," Noah says, biting her lip to keep from smiling. "I think he's asking you out."

You smack her quickly, shooting her a look before turning back to Taerae. "Yeah. I guess... now."

He nods, the brightest grin spreading across his face. "Okay, let's go!"

Grabbing your hand in his, he begins dragging you across the courtyard. "Go where!?"

"On a date," he says, looking back at you. "Duh."

"Oh," you manage to reply, trying your best to keep up with his incredibly fast pace. Taerae was normally a pretty leisurely walker and you would often have to yell at him to keep up.

"People need to see us, right? Let's go to the cafe," he suggests, slowing down a bit when you both reach the sidewalk. He squeezes your hand as you make your way to the cafe across from campus-- the cafe where you were stood up only a week ago.

You stop in your tracks, a flood of worry crashing over you. Is this a good idea? What if people know we're just pretending? What if Brandon is there?

Taerae turns around when he realizes he can't pull you forward anymore. He sees it immediately-- the look in your eyes as you ponder every possible negative outcome. Placing his hands on your shoulders, he smiles at you reassuringly.

"We've got this, right? We just have to sell it," he encourages, squeezing your shoulders a couple of times to pump you up. "You think you can pretend I'm not gross for an hour?"

You laugh, shaking your head. "You're not gross, Tae. I just..."

You look at the cafe sadly, remembering how hard you had sobbed into Taerae's chest as the rain poured down around you.

"Hey," your best friend says, taking a finger and placing it below your chin; tipping it up to keep your head held high. "There's no need to be sad. I'd never stand you up."

With that, you let Taerae drag you through the doors of the cafe and into a seat at one of the tables. Right away, you can hear the whispers begin to rumble throughout the cafe. Taerae sits down across from you comfortably, just smiling back at you as if he doesn't hear a sound. You can't help but notice he hasn't really stopped smiling ever since you agreed to this silly plan.

"Oh, hi!" The waitress that had been working Friday night greets, rushing over to you. When she stops in front of your table, she stares directly at Taerae and frowns. "Don't tell me this is the guy who stood you up."

Looking around anxiously and realizing all eyes in the restaurant are on you and Taerae, you both shake your heads furiously. "No, no," you correct. "This is... This is my--."

"Boyfriend," Taerae finishes.

Both yours and the waitress's eyes widen in surprise-- the other students in the cafe now dead silent as they strain to overhear your conversation.

"You were... going on a date with someone that wasn't your boyfriend?" She asks, suspiciously.

"I wasn't at the time," Taerae clarifies quickly, before smiling at you quite cutely. "But one man's loss is another man's gain."

The sun is shining directly on Taerae through the window of the cafe, his dark eyes sparkling as they lock on yours. His brown hair appears almost golden from the warm light as it rests across his forehead-- deep smile lines in his cheeks even more charming than usual.

You shake your head quickly to clear these thoughts from your mind, looking back up at the waitress sheepishly.

"Wow," she says, nodding. "I like him. I mean, just look at the way he's looking you."

Taerae's lips part slightly as she states her observation and he looks down for a moment at his lap, his cheeks sporting a tint of crimson. He had been putting on a pretty convincing performance so far and you wonder if it's starting to get embarrassing for him...

If he's starting to regret saying yes to this.

"It's hard not to admire someone so beautiful," Taerae says softly, looking back up at you; his bottom lip tucked between his teeth.

"Okay, you have to keep him," the waitress decides with a laugh. "Now, what are you both having?"

~

The next day, Taerae took you to dinner at the Mexican restaurant near campus that you loved. The day after that, you got ice cream and sat on the swings at the public park. And the next day, you both went to the art museum with Noah to look at the new interactive Monet exhibit (Noah was pretending to try not to gag the whole time).

Each day that week, Taerae had brought you on some little adventure with him and you weren't really complaining. You adored your best friend; spending time with him was already one of your favorite things. Actually, since the start of this semester, you hadn't seen Taerae as often as you normally would after he was elected secretary of the honor society. It made you happy to have an excuse to see him so much.

Tonight, Taerae had convinced you to see a movie with him. Some action extravaganza with no plot, but he bought you a big popcorn with extra butter and a cherry icee so you didn't mind.

"Why are we seeing this movie, though?" You asked, plopping down in the theatre seat. "There's a 45th anniversary showing of Grease literally playing in the next theatre."

"Because," Taerae starts, before shoveling a handful of popcorn into his mouth, swallowing it down with his Sprite. "Brandon and his stupid friends would never go see an anniversary showing of Grease."

"Yeah, but we would," you reply, before realizing what he had just said. "Wait, what!?"

He shrugs. "If he doesn't want people to know where he's going, he shouldn't talk about it so loudly at honor society meetings."

Just then, you hear familiar, unsettlingly male laughter sounding from the entrance of the theatre. Brandon turns the corner with his friends, eyes widening in surprise when he sees you staring back at him.

Your eye contact is broken, however, when Taerae reaches over and turns your face towards him. "Open up," he says, popping a piece of popcorn in your mouth in the most sickeningly adorable way possible. "Is it good?"

You chew, completely stunned by the affectionate action, eventually swallowing and nodding back at him slowly.

"So cute," he coos, loud enough for Brandon to hear. You watch as Brandon and his friends study you curiously-- the captain himself appearing quite angry. They soon take their seats as the trailers start, but throughout the movie you notice Brandon glaring up at you and Taerae every so often.

As the credits roll, you and Taerae grab your garbage and make your way out of the theatre. Still finishing your cherry icee, Taerae takes your free hand in his and you head off together towards the doors.

"(Y/N)!" You hear someone call behind you, turning around to see Brandon running to catch up with you.

"Oh," you say as the tall boy stops in front of you. "Hey, Brandon."

"Hey, uh..." Brandon looks at Taerae, then back at you. "I keep hearing something about you dating some guy."

Suddenly, Taerae leans in and kisses you. You momentarily forget how to breathe before he pulls back and turns to Brandon. "Huh. That's so weird."

"You--," Brandon strokes his chin, smiling and shaking his head like he's in disbelief of something. "You must think you're pretty clever, huh?"

You look at Taerae confusedly, wondering what Brandon was insinuating of your friend.

Taerae just shakes his head. "No. I think that I'm not going to let anyone treat my best friend so rudely ever again."

Brandon nods, huffing a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah. I'm sure you'd never lie about anything to get your way. Right, Kim?"

"Can you please leave me alone now?" You ask finally. "Taerae's my... boyfriend now. I'm not going to tell my dad about what happened. You're not going to lose your scholarship. Let's just present our project together tomorrow and never speak to each other again."

Brandon chews his cheek, replying annoyedly, "Fine."

With that, Taerae drags you out the door and into the open air.

~

It's the fourteenth and last day of your fake relationship with Taerae. He'd set up a picnic in the courtyard with your favorite sandwiches from the deli down the street and a bunch of different snacks and salads. He held out a strawberry for you, smiling as you bit into it happily.

No one is looking at you anymore. They hadn't been for some time now. You could've called this off a few days ago, but Noah had insisted with a smirk that you "play it safe".

"This hasn't been half-bad," you say, grinning at Taerae. "I got to spend two whole weeks with my very busy best friend. Everyone stopped gossiping about me. My former crush stopped... stalking me, I guess?"

Taerae laughs. "Yeah, he was definitely stalking you," he agrees before a frown forms on his face. "I'm really sorry that happened."

You shrug. "Thanks for helping to stop it."

He sighs and you're surprised by how sad it sounds. "Well, it's--... It's the least I could do... When I'm the one who started it."

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What? What do you mean you started it?"

"I--... I might've been the one that let it slip to Brandon that the Chancellor was your dad," Taerae admits, hanging his head in shame. "I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. And I'm so sorry that it created such a nuisance for you-- that Brandon would bother you like that. That you'd have to pretend to date me. But he needed to feel bad for what he did... and we both know he wasn't going to unless it could mean trouble for him."

You just smile. "A bunch of people knew about my dad, Taerae. He would've found out eventually, anyway. You just... sped up the process, I guess," you forgive with a laugh. "So that's what you meant, huh? When you said he'd regret it?"

"Wow, not to sound like a vigilante or anything," Taerae snorts, shaking his head hearing his own words recounted to him. "But seriously, who could be so stupid as to get the chance to go out with you and completely waste it? I would never--."

He cuts himself off, seemingly considering whether or not he should continue.

"You would never what?" You prompt curiously.

Taerae swallows. "I would never stop going out with you," he says softly. "If I could."

You're frozen as he speaks, only waiting for him to say more.

"If you didn't think I was gross and if this wasn't just some plan to shut up the actual guy you liked..." He nods, meeting your gaze. "I would want to keep going out with you."

Your stomach flips as your best friend since childhood says these words to you. It's not a joke. It's not part of this plan you'd concocted. It's not even a dream.

"I like you," Taerae says earnestly, hugging his knees closer to his chest as the sun starts to set. "And I'm sorry if that ruins everything."

You're not immediately sure what the right thing to say is. You lean back on your hands, fingers gripping the grass as you stare up at the sky turning pink. If you thought about it, you'd spent more time with Taerae throughout your life than almost anybody else. Your introverted, intelligent, annoying-as-all-hell best friend; one of the greatest loves of your life, alongside all of your pets and your mom. A bit of an awkward kid, he had grown up quite handsomely. Was that wrong to say? How could you think that about Taerae?

But why was your heart still racing? Surely the actual anxiety of the confession had warn off by now. But the booming thud in your chest betrays you. You had dated Taerae this whole week and not even once had you actually wished it would stop. He was cute with you, always paid for your food; he never once stood you up-- he even kissed you that one time, even if it was to show off in front of Brandon. And you never hated any of it.

Moreover, you liked it.

Had you been dating Taerae for real this whole time?

Suddenly, your phone buzzes in your pocket. You pull it out, seeing a message from your dad lighting up the screen:

What is this I hear about you and Kim Taerae dating? The kid that used to run around our house with snot hanging out his nose? Is this true?

You look over at Taerae who is now mirroring you, leaning back with his hands in the grass and gazing up at the sunset beside you. When he notices you staring, he turns to you with a shy smile that causes your heart to gently flutter.

You can't help but smile back at him, bottom lip tucked between your teeth before quickly typing a reply to your dad:

Yeah. It is. :)

[tumblingxelian]

The Fraught Family Ties of the Rose-Xiao Long Household:

Sorry for the ramble, I wanted to share something born of a discussion I had with someone regarding the canonical relationship on the Rose-Xiao Long sisters & their father figures.

So, I often find Tai (& Qrow) propped up as good father figures who maybe just had some moments of weakness but either got better long before canon or during the show and who are super close with Ruby & Yang with very healthy relationships.

Given possibly my most popular post, (Yang & Ruby's childhood) I don't think this is a universal stance, certainly not these days, and I don't think its well supported in canon either.

This doesn't mean that love isn't there, but love and resentment can live in the same house and the Rose-Xiao Long household is far more complex than I think people give it credit for.

Now, some will probably highlight positive tones and references in the early volumes, but here's the thing. A child growing up around something can get used to a lot. Ruby & Yang are clearly very used to Qrow stumbling home utterly wasted, even carried by strangers and needing to take care of him. This is normal to them and neither show any resentment towards it until on their last nerve.

That is to say, Ruby and Yang are fine with Qrow's drinking and smile through it, riiiight up until they themselves are on the edge of snapping real hard over things such as in V6.

Neither of them express their trauma like say, Jaune does, who tends to be quite open with his resentment and prone to lashing out. The sisters smile through it, they may express frustration or anger at other things, but not their loved one's, which makes it easy to pretend everything is cool and normal.

Hell, keeping things light with humor is explicitly noted to be how Yang copes and Ruby is shown consistently beginning to show sadness before quickly bottling it up up. This is just how they handle negative emotions they cant comfortably express.

Thus, while Ruby expressing frustration at Yang giving Tai like advice in V1 doesn't indicate hostility, nor does her being all smiles around his presence in V3's opening indicate everything is super awesome.

After all, things are good at that moment, but let's take a look at the end of V3.

Tai is clearly worrying and trying to fuss over Ruby. But she is very neutral on the whole thing, mostly just trying to get intel on what the fuck happened from him and not being remotely upset when Qrow makes him leave. She show's a bit more vulnerability around Qrow, but is still very focused on the practical questions of what happened.

Its only when she's alone with Yang, that Ruby really becomes expressive with her emotions and more to the point, shows outright uncertainty in what to do. This leads her to being shocked when Yang is in no fit state t provide her with the guidance and support she clearly craves and expected.

Ruby also specifically addresses her letters to Yang and broadly speaking doesn't really seem to think about Tai all that much. Again I don't think she dislikes him, but given she openly acknowledges Yang as the one who raised her & Yang herself noted she had to keep the family together...

Well, I think that Ruby doesn't really perceive Tai as a parent, strictly speaking. In the sense that I don't believe she views Tai as someone to go to for comfort or advice or guidance.

He's her dad and she loves him, but he's less of an adult to her than Yang was. In that same vein Qrow is a Huntsmen, her mentor and uncle yes, but the former I think inform her behavior with him more than the latter.

Now, let's also compare Tai and Yang's relationship a little.

We know Tai taught her how to fight, but he doesn't show any real understanding of how her Semblance works or her fighting style given she has utilized plenty of blocks, dodges and clever strategies in the first three volumes. What's more him critiquing her for fighting that way and making it her fault when he taught her feels suspect to me.

(I would note it was Yang who realized Ruby needed CQC help before anyone else, so she clearly thought deeply on this stuff.)

But beyond that, we see Yang is heavily isolated, both from how the camera work frames her. But also because she us housed in a guest room and that Tai, while obviously unhappy about what happened overall seems far more focused on Ruby in terms of trying to provide some care. What's more, when she's clearly distressed he walks away and leaves her to stew.

Yang's shown still doing lots of work around the house, despite everything and his efforts to 'help' her are all about getting her back into the fight over worrying for her safety like he did Ruby.

This is a big thing for me, Tai was clearly deeply upset when Qrow wanted to speak to Ruby alone and terrified when she left.

Meanwhile when it comes to 'helping' Yang its all about getting back into the action and going after Ruby. He doesn't seem to mind the idea of sending her into danger.

Then there' show he hypocritically dismisses her trauma and depression while at the same time diminishing her maturity despite him having left her to raise Ruby and keep the family together.

He also makes his help for her conditional on her no longer "Moping" while its her teachers who barely know Yang that provide actually useful guidance on healing.

When alone he also frames 'caring for her' IE letting her live in the house and take care of herself, like its this heavy burden that is keeping him from Ruby.

This is despite the fact he ultimately does not go after Ruby.

You can claim its a budget thing the show we have is the show we have. Thus, he sends her off to parent Ruby instead of himself. Also Tai outright compares Yang to Raven despite them being radically different and honestly Ruby being a lot closer to even the positive traits he ascribed to Raven.

Thus I think there's an element of projection that leads to Ruby being preferences between the two but also Tai having come in too late to really be seen as the parent he wants to be perceived as.

Now, let's look at Qrow.

Both sisters are clearly used to him staggering or being carried home drunk and needing to take care of him, meaning they have been doing this since childhood.

This would have a hugely negative impact on their mental wellbeing and impact how they perceive him.

Beyond that, I am unsure how close he even is to Yang outside the superficial. Some of that may indeed be down to time, but there have been periods where they could have shown a deep bond and its not manifested.

When Yang is framed, her team, two of whom have only know her for a few months and have plenty of trauma that would make them rightly suspicious choose to believe her and sympathize with her.

Qrow meanwhile says she is either lying or crazy and does not express much in the way of real empathy or trust.

Rather than showing an interest in maybe trying to resolve the issue or help her through decides that maybe directing her to Raven might help. He obviously cares, but generally never shows much of the same concern or affection for Yang that he does for Ruby.

Granted even then Qrow requires caretaking from both his nieces.

What's more he often tethers Ruby to Summer. So while his mentorship of her does let her be a little more vulnerable with him than Tai its still an unbalanced relationship.

However outside of that, Qrow's generally fairly good with Ruby and her influence on him seemed to be the primary thing that stopped him drinking. He also shows a great deal of faith in her in general, though how much of that is projection likely varies.

But he mentored Ruby so its natural they are maybe a little closer.

Still, I think Ruby & Yang held Qrow in higher regard, at least as a Huntsmen than their father, there's a lot of baggage to the relationship at a minimum.

I also think Ruby & Yang's lack of communication seen in later volumes is sort of reflective of the families unhealthy dynamics evolving between them.

Yang being forced to raise a sister two years younger than her is already a heavy burden on both of them. Yang from having to step up and fill the roll of an adult as a child & Ruby because no matter how hard Yang tried it as never gonna be perfect but she couldn't exactly complain about it either.

So both just sort of smiled through the pain as they grew and came out fairly functional and happy if carrying a lot of baggage beneath the surface. This is why both respond to grief and trauma in a similar manner, pushing the issues down until they explode or collapse. It was how they got by.

They were also extremely close, for all that Yang talked of Ruby maybe trying to branch out onto other teams, she instantly tried to seek her out in the Emerald Forest, saved her a spot in the auditorium and generally tried to assist and advice her along with expressing great pride in her.

Ruby bore with with a mixed degree of playfulness and teen like annoyance, while still wanting to cling to Yang. She was also very comfortable early on with expressing her concerns around Yang, such as with Blake being so stressed and not knowing what to do about it & seemingly had total faith in Yang's ability to resolve things.

As previously outlined, when Ruby was seeking comfort and guidance after the Fall of Beacon she went to Yang and was shocked when Yang couldn't provide her what she needed and quickly began separating herself, clearly deeply impacted.

Yang remained the center of her homeward focus after that fact and when Yang returned she was able to express vulnerability with her.

Briefly.

However, Yang soon showed that her recovery was not as complete as she wanted to project and again Ruby was at a loss for what to do with a Yang who is upset.

Keep in mind she's entirely capable of comforting a drunk, hung over or otherwise very upset Qrow, but the prospect of comforting Yang leaves her shuffling nervously outside the door while Weiss helps her.

Ruby's perception of Yang seemed to have put her on something of a pedestal in the way a lot of children do their parents where its hard to start seeing them as a person.

& When Ruby did start seeing Yang as a person, her complexes regarding leadership caused her to see Yang as someone who needed protection.

This caused her to freeze Yang out of her issues, we see this with her rejecting Yang's efforts to comfort her in V8, responding instead with sullen silences or sharp emotional jabs to try and make Yang go away.

Yet at the same time, she didn't entirely try to keep the façade up, perhaps in part because she couldn't.

I also think there's a part of her that sort... Expected Yang to know what to do and to say for her even though Ruby has changed as a person and is no longer communicating clearly like she used to.

Which then causes her to resent Yang for not being able to say the right things and provide the right assistance like she did when they were kids. Even though Yang doesn't know how Ruby feels their relationship has changed and can't know with Ruby actively avoiding acting in a manner that would elicit her concern.

Basically, this is an extremely messy family.

It has four actual adults, the most competent of whom martyred herself. One of whom left because she couldn't handle it and two of whom failed when put to the test.

This left the role of grown up in the room to Yang who had to keep the family together and raise her sister. While Ruby had to basically become the least troubled child possible to make this easier on them all.

Raven cutting herself out of their lives and her ties to Yang, while Summer being a beloved martyr seems to have also rippled down to their kids.

With Yang almost being like the black sheep of the family. She's the one they expect to do something immoral or "crazy' and generally expected to take care of herself and Ruby without any kind of acknowledgement or significant assistance.

Meanwhile Ruby is regarded as a sort of proto Summer, this beacon of purity, which leaves Tai over protective but ultimately inactive leaving the task of helping her to Yang. With Qrow expecting the world from her which just applies more pressure.

I do think everyone of them love each other, but I also think there's also a lot of resentment, frustration and projection going on here, with many utter failures of parenting. These ultimately caused the families relationships to never developed into what they should be and are instead leaving them in an odd sort of limbo; with a lot left unsaid and unhealthy.

[skania]

Some OnK Chapter 131 Thoughts

And by "OnK" thoughts, I predictably mean "Akane and AquaKane" thoughts lol

Once again, Akane is the one correcting surface-level statements and showing insight into Aqua (and even Ruby!).

I've been wondering how Aka would have Akane and Aqua interact after Chapter 116. I'm actually surprised that they were so at ease with each other during this chapter, it's like they overcame a hurdle in Chapter 116.

Akane knows where Aqua stands, just like Aqua knows where she stands. For Akane in particular, deciding to stop Aqua's plan likely gave her something tangible to hold onto; something practical that she can focus on, a way in which she can make an actual difference. For Aqua, knowing that Akane is planning to stop him told him that she will keep getting involved with him whether he likes it or not.

Of course, since Aqua is always fighting his own nature, he probably likes it in the same measure in which he hates it. Akane burning the bridge with him would be for Akane's own good, and thus what Aqua wants - but there's likely a part of him that is relieved to know that she is still there.

He may not be able to rely on her, but the person who saved him little by little simply by acknowledging him, understanding him and choosing him is still there. She hasn't given up on him.

And it just so happens that Akane is not willing to let Aqua forget that.

I think Akane may have gone there for two reasons. On one hand, she is probably keeping an eye on his every move; she needs to, if she doesn't want to let Aqua catch her by surprise.

On the other hand, Akane likely knew that Aqua would have mixed feelings after meeting Ai's mother.

So I think that by going there, Akane was also hoping to emotionally support Aqua. Just like she promised she would back in Chapter 51.

After all, if Akane wanted to simply watch Aqua, she could've done so without revealing her presence; the same way she managed to follow him all the way there.

But just like Aqua wanted Akane to see him back in Chapter 116, Akane wanted Aqua to know she was there.

The way she throws his stalker tendencies in his face is so funny! Despite the gloomy atmosphere, the two of them instantly fall into a very easy-going back-and-forth and I love that. It's not what I was expecting at all (I love tension), but I'll take it because it's positive that they can joke around about personal traits that anyone else would see as flaws lmao

Plus, good on her for serving Aqua some of his own medicine!

I already mentioned this, but this exchange right here immediately made me think of Chapter 52.

Funnily enough, that Chapter was titled "Boyfriend x Girlfriend" and featured the moment Aqua and Akane truly started playing their parts. And in this chapter, we have Memcho describing Akane's current role in Aqua's life: His ex-girlfriend.

Aqua and Akane have gone through so many stages in the manga, I can hardly keep count. Right now they're in their "Exes" era, yet they're still as entwined as ever lol

And now we get to the part that truly caught my eye. I feel like this interaction can be read in different ways:

There's more to Ayumi Hoshino that meets the eye. Akane knows this but doesn't want Aqua to know, and he can tell but decides to play along.

Akane understands how frustrating it must be to find out that the tragedy that was Ai Hoshino began due to something like this. What's more, she understands how Aqua must feel seeing Ai's mother and knowing that... there's no point in him hating her, because she already hates herself enough for both of them.

The first would fit the Masterminds™ game that these two are supposed to be playing, and as such it would be pretty fun. But we have seen Akane lie to Aqua in the past and she is... kind of very bad at it lol

Maybe she's bringing her S Acting Skill Level to the game this time, and I'd applaud her for doing so if she is. But for the time being, I'm leaning towards the second option:

Akane knew that knowing Ayumi's truth would give Aqua mixed feelings and that he may stay stuck on that, and so she came to help take that burden off his shoulders.

And good thing she did, because as Ichigo put it: Aqua is breaking.

That said, there's something kind of ominous about the way we're shown Ai's mom looking at them in the last panel. I can't decide whether it symbolizes Ai's mom seeing her grandson (the one she thought she had no right to meet) leaving her and her pain behind, accompanied by someone who is obviously a part of his life - as well as Aqua deciding that indeed, Akane is right: there's no point in hating Ai's mom anymore, because she is already living in a hell of her own making.

Or if maybe Ai's mom is hiding something. I seem to remember one of the sidestories mentioning that she even put glass shards in Ai's food once, which kind of sent a very different image of her compared to the regretful woman we saw this chapter lol

Alas, for now I'm going with Option 1 though, because I think there's something really beautiful in the symbolism of Akane coming to pick Aqua up, and the two walking away from that painful memory together so that Aqua doesn't have to wallow in it alone.

Ruby was hoping that Aqua would start to lean on people soon. As it is, he can't lean on anyone - but Akane is still there to guide him home either way, and luckily Aqua let himself accept that much.

[vansmissingcheek]

Love Ridden

My theory on how Taissa and Van’s relationship came to be pre-crash!

- Their relationship was slow burn. Taissa is so strong willed and determined; she knows exactly what she wants. When it comes to love though, she isn’t the smoothest.

- Where Van has a dorky confidence, she also has zero game. She is so stubborn about her crush on Tai. The whole team anticipates the digs and constant quips from her but once Tai and Van’s tension begins, Van’s charm fades out.

- I can see Van getting frustrated with Tai. After all, when we get introduced to the Yellowjackets (actually playing soccer) it’s obvious that Tai is a very skilled player.

- The poking she does after saving Jackie’s penalty kicks and the short quips after Shauna’s corners fail to crash, they all stop once Tai is face to face with her. The feeling of a rising flutter in her stomach, whether it be bile or butterflies, does not allow Van to keep her focus.

- As Tai’s shot sails into the net Van can feel a sort of disappointment in her own abilities. After all this is everything that she has. In my mind Van is relying on soccer for a scholarship since she doesn’t have much support at home.

- Taissa is more than pleased by her performance. She can be quite cocky when it comes to just about anything but normally Van is there to drag her back down to Earth. A simple, “You’ll get it next time!” or a, “So close but so far…” is more than enough to keep her grounded.

- Tai notices when it gets easier for her to make a shot. But when Van avoids her gaze all together or misses her in the group hug after a win, Tai is rather blind.

-Taissa Turner has always been known for her smarts and critical thinking skills, but good grief does she have no idea how to deal with her feelings.

- When Taissa felt it for the first time it was quick. A sort of hot flash that fell over her after a practice. Her and Lottie had finished a conversation about who knows what, which ended as Lottie made her way out of the locker room saying a general goodbye.

- Van let out a curse as she wrapped her wrist. The ‘Ace’ bandage fighting back. (it was winning although she’d never admit it.) Tai could hear her struggles from the opposite locker hall and walked over to check on her.

“You need a hand?”

Van was sitting on a wooden bench facing her open locker. She was still in her mucked up t-shirt from earlier and looked over to meet Taissa’s expectant gaze.

“I’d say i’ve done a pretty good job myself,” Van gives her a show of her work. The velcro had fallen and had begun to unwrap itself when she moved it.

Tai gave her a lopsided smile and as Van awkwardly held out her wrist to her there was no acknowledgement given to the sudden thought that plagued both Van and Taissa’s mind.

‘i’m holding her hand.’

“I don’t understand how you can just throw yourself into the ground like that,” Taissa speaks first unwrapping the bandage. The save that Van had made was stupid. No one should’ve caught that. Granted it did cause a wipeout into the mud of a recently rained on field, but nothing stops a goalie like Van Palmer. Obviously it had also required her to land on her wrist..

“I’m sure I looked graceful,” Van smiles softly and brings her opposite hand to take out the hair tie at the end of her braid.

- It wasn’t just the conversation. Taissa and Van talk a lot actually. They had shared classes and similar schedules. It had hit Taissa as she was holding Van’s wrist.

- The feeling of Van’s warmth through the very tips of Taissa’s fingers. She was careful as she wound the cotton ribbon, slowly tilting Van’s hand as she worked. The silence was comfortable.

Too comfortable for Tai.

“You look like hell.” Tai said.

- She wasn’t even quite sure where it came from, but she wasn’t lying. The mud had scraped up Vans side with angry red lines. A scratch ran across her temple.

Van let out a scoff and looked up grinning. Taissa had come to the end of the wrap, sticking down the velcro tab and patting Van’s knuckles lightly.

“Well someone’s got to carry the weight of being the best goalie in New Jersey, and would you look at that…” Van turns her head to look around in faux curiosity. She points to herself smiling wide.

“I’d agree but, not to brag or anything, you’ve yet to block any of my shots Palmer.” Tai smiles devilishly and leans on the locker next to Vans as she watches them place their things inside.

- They talked for a while in that locker room. Taissa had long forgotten the car waiting in the parking lot. Her mother expectant of a reason for why she was left to wait for twenty minute. Taissa was muttering something along the lines of an injured friend and also let it slip that Van was the one she was talking to. Tai wasn’t even totally certain about what she had said but Van was now brought up when the Turners asked their daughter about school, or soccer, or anything really.

- From then on their back and forth made its way into practices. Instead of avoiding her, Van had found any reason she could to be near her. They dug at each other regularly and Van’s quips came back.

But with the words came the feelings too.

- A big game had come around and although Taissa would never admit it, the teasing was building up. Tai had begun to fail her shots on net as well. No longer was it just Van falling behind, but now Tai was distracted too.

Coach was ragging on them about the future of the team, and it cut deep for both of them to know that they were the ones who had to focus up for once.

- Taissa knew she liked girls, it wasn’t a new concept, but it was new to look at a friend and see so much more.

- Taissa saw Van’s expressions and mannerisms as more cute than quirky and felt compelled to hear every detail about Van’s new favorite films or plot twists wrote angrily about in some cinephiles recent digest that she had seen in a magazine.

- After a particularly rough game Taissa was fuming. There was nothing that could pull her out of this state and the team knew better than to try.

- A certain red head stayed behind after the others had finished changing and showering and shit talking. Once a thick quiet had settled over the room the only two left were Van and Tai. She heard a shuffle and a curse and then what sounded like a cleat being thrown to the ground. Van walked around the isle of lockers and tapped her knuckles lightly on the one closest.

“What do you want Van.”

It was a frustrated groan directed towards the tile. Taissa was beyond anger, she was disappointed in herself. When Taissa failed at something she tore herself apart from the inside.

“There was nothing you could’ve done Tai,” Van said softly moving to push off of the lockers and sit beside her. She too looked at the grout that lined the burnt orange tiles.

“They were down by three at half, how the fuck did this happen!” Taissa tangles her fingers in her own hair.

“Hey,” Van’s hand was warm as it pressed on Tai’s back. She was tracing a gentle infinity on her shoulder blades. “I should’ve made that goal- and my footwork was shit and now i’ll never-“

“Taissa Turner,” Van spoke sternly. “You are one of the most determined people I have ever met, and i know that you’re upset but for the sake of playoffs…you have to let this go.” Van’s hand stills as Taissa meets her eyes.

“Plus, you weren’t the one who let in six goals in the span of one half.” Van smiles softly and Taissa cracks the smallest of grins.

“I should’ve played harder, if i had just focused i could’ve-“

“It is not your fault Taissa.” She shook her head and Tai dropped her gaze again.

“I know you,” Van grabs Taissa’s hand in her own. “-and I know that you don’t believe me but man, you kicked their asses all of the first half.”

Tai laughs a little at her comment but her mind trails back to Van’s statement.

“I know you.”

‘I know you.”

- There’s a beat before either of them utter another word. Just absorbing one another in that moment. Taissa nods a little and drags a hand over her face. Wiping off the tears and the sweat.

- A gentle silence was left in the locker room. Their combined breathing and the thumb tracing patterns on the back of Taissa’s hand confined them to their little bubble of safety.

“Thank you, Van.” Taissa mumbled looking over at Van who locked onto her gaze immediately. There was more there after the gratitude, something in Van’s eyes told Taissa that there was a lot left unsaid.

“What?” Tai laughed a little, bumping her shoulder into Van.

“You’re just, i don’t know-“ Van pulls her hand back and looks at the lockers in-front of her.

This pining had gone on longer than Van could even remember. Taissa Turner was a hard person to crack but every glimpse she had gotten past her hard exterior was another step towards falling from the highest cliff of safety.

“Oh…you did great too-“ Taissa wasn’t lying but frustration built in Van’s chest regardless.

“It’s not that,” Van sighed and now it was her turn to run her hand over her face.

‘just say it you wimp’

“You’re so smart Tai and still you’re looking at me like i’m a fucking alien in the Faculty or some shit,” Taissa cocked her head questioningly, so confused and lost on what Van was saying.

“- you still can’t see me.” There was a breath that left Van at the admission. It was a weighted sentence. There was so much lingering underneath the surface and it took only their gaze locking for Tai to know.

“I only see you.” Vans words echo in Tai’s head. This wasn’t happening -and Van wasn’t here- and she had to be losing it!

- Taissa looked at Van’s face unwavering. Swiftly she placed both hands on Van’s jaw and pressed their lips together. It wasn’t fast but it wasn’t careful either. They were so young. Just two juniors finding safety in one another’s warmth.

-As Taissa pulled back, the corner of Van’s mouth lifted just a little. She laughed. They both laughed. At their shared incompetence. The pining was there from the beginning and Taissa had fallen into denial. Taissa partially forced herself to believe that Van wasn’t even interested in her, so she constantly pushed away the idea of actually doing something about her crush.

“You’re such a dork.” Taissa breathed as she pressed another kiss to the corner of Van’s mouth. “I mean really, you’re laughing?” Van was smiling against her lips as she spoke. Because Taissa too had let out quite a few barks of her own laughter.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lady.” Vans expression turned into faux seriousness. “I think you’re seeing things.” The smirk was back in a flash and Tai pushed her shoulder with a scoff.

“I’d have to be more than blind to not see how red your face is right now.” Taissa whispered with a sly smile creeping into her face.

“Oh, shut up.” Vans face was truly glowing in the light of the locker room. Her quips and jokes were long left behind.

- They kissed again but it was more fluid this time. Learning one another and enjoying the process.

- They stayed like that for a long time. Tracing the corners of one another and sketching themselves onto each other’s skin. They were definitely doing this again.

I have been on a huge writing kick recently, my asks are open!