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#and i want them to not have any problems but i cant help
falldogbombsthemoon · 5 months
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Yall haha, my dad made it so I have wifi access for one hour a day. which I can use from like 14 to 21 german time. So once my mobile data is dead, I will not be active that much ig. So please dont think I'm abandoning yall.
#vent following#its fucking ridiculous. im not a fucking child. neither is my brother#no idea what my dad wants to achieve through that. “so you can relaxe more” yeah no. being on the internet is my fucking coping mechanism.#there is nothing about relaxation there. also he did that so we'll to go sleep earlier. if it really was about that.#he would need to force me to sleep. you cant just change my sleep schedule by that#anyway its fucking ridiculous as i was on a good way of getting to sleep more early but if imma do that now he will think like#“wow. im such a good dad. i fixed all the problems my child could possibly have.” which is absolutely not the case#yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me.#and him not trusting my abilities to be responsible for myself is not helping#and then boom. im feeling shitty but wait haha my coping mechanism is currently set offline.#and like also im in extra stress atm bc school is fucking with me#not only are like a bunch of tests on the way but my fucking anxiety in school is getting so bad.#i cant sit in that facility without feeling like imma have a panic attack any minute#i am in need of fucking professional mental help. and at least one diagnosis. i dont want to do shit to myself.#but in this house hold. emotions are not talked about. feelings are suppressed and mental health is an illusion#i NEED to see a fucking psychiatrist. but i dont feel like i can to my parents about that. and technically i could go without them knowing#but someone needs to educate them. and i mentally cant be that someone#and guess whos sitting in their room crying and writing about that rn. not studying for their tests tomorrow and the day after.#i bet if my parents wouldnt have done that shit with my wifi i would be studying rn#quinns daily yapping post#rather#quinns personal hell
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bunnihearted · 6 months
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#it went!!! idk lately my pain treshhold has been so low bc im in pain all the time#so i just dont wnna be in pain anymore... he said that now it'll still hurt for a few days T-T#but he wasnt exactly sure what it was but i had.. a cavity??#im not rlly sure abt the english terms for all of this but the tooth is dying lol#but instead of immediately killing it nd getting a root fill he said that we should give the tooth a chance#so he fixed what he could fix#i hate dentist treatments bc of all the air nd water nd my anxiety i need to swallow constantly#but this time i actually told them abt it nd he was very helpful sksks#he even said 'ok now take a break nd swallow' so i didnt need to be so anxious#nd it was a relief bc he wasnt bad at all. he was actually rlly nice nd easy to talk to phewww#it cost abt $80 so i can manage to be without that until next week!!!!#so yeah it went much better than i had anticipated so im happy abt that#but yeah the problem still isnt 100% fixed yet so im still not relieved#he said i had a cavity in my other tooth as well but that we needed to check that at another time#im so frustrated bc i brush my teeth 2/day i use mouthwash i floss....#and for the last 7 months i havent even had any sugar!!!!! like why did this still happen.. o.o#oh nd he also said that i probably clench my teeth nd yeah i do that a lot more than i've realized#your teeth arent supposed to be touching!! never!! only when u eat#my teeth.... are touching pretty much all day omg. bc im so tense nd anxious#he said that he couldnt be sure bc he didnt have enough info to go on but that could have contributed to this#well well... i did it nd went even if i didnt want to#hopefully my tooth will be better now. nd i have another appt in may to see what i could get done further#if financial aid for it gets approved tho it might not#but yeah.. god dental pain nd issues is my no. 1 fear bc im poor nd i cant afford it
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sillybouquetoflillies · 7 months
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i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out
#i let myself sit n accept that i did go thru smth.. maybe that i didnt totally remember or that i blurred out the details of n idk#i keep feeling like an imposter n like i shouldnt be feeling it. i didnt rly like how ive been acting#but like also i let a lot of stuff out of the box in my brain doing that n idk how 2 put it back or deal with it#so now i just feel like a half untangled mess with 0 stability bc in that 'growth n discovery' period i realized almost everyone in my life#wasnt someone i wanted 2 keep around#so now its rly just me n my bestie that r close n i keep everyone else at arms length#how tf did i get on rambling abt this omggg#ugh i am srsly such a mess n i cant find the root n i think thats whats freaking me out the most#i hate not being able 2 explain why im feeling a certain type of way or justify it in anyway#i just wanna feel okay n stable n be a fun person 2 be around again!!!!#i wanna be completely independent but like.... everything is so expensive n i have no interest in anything that would pay well#i wish my sw stuff would take off but i think im too messy 4 ppl 2 wanna stick around n also i dont think im super attractive unfortunately#I DUNNO#i dont have any answers atm n its freaking me out#i either wanna figure out how to be okay with not having answers or to get the answers and solve my problems#n i also dont wanna depend on other ppl 2 solve them for me#i just wanna be a whole.. well rounded person who can take care of themselves n do what i want#while also being a cute puppy thats rly rly rly fun 2 play with n is super helpful n supportive 2 the ppl it cares abt 🥰#i am so sick of these silly dumb messy fears n emotions that keep me stuck in boring ruts#i wanna go out n have my own fun n be my own person n stop being so scared of everything!!!!!#its okay if things go bad!!!! its just more stories 2 tell ppl!!!! ppl love my stories!!!! ugh i just needa put myself out there#i just needa find smth fun 2 do that keeps me around fun ppl#i just dont know what yet#concerts r fun but idk no one super interesting is touring here rn n i need smth more frequent#ok i think this ramble is ovr#im rly sry if ur reading this!!!! i love u vry much n hope ur having a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!
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customer service is so ass you guys why are people so uuuugshdhehdjsje :/
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fruixtii · 1 year
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no one except me should be allowed to touch childhood friends to lovers tropes ever
#this is really only about twst#theres not really a problem with riddle and trey but it’s just so off putting to me for some reason it doesn’t feel right#they’re relationship seems so strictly platonic to me. like as a kid trey had this friend who didn’t get to have actual fun#their*#and he allowed him to actually have those experiences#but then everything went wrong because he did and you see him suffering and you just want to help!!!#you want the best for him you want to see him happy. i cannot see anything romantic in their relationship#for kalim and jamil it isn’t even about them being childhood friends it’s about how jamil feels towards kalim#maybe in the future after they graduate they’ll be friends but i don’t think jamil will ever actually feel comfortable around kalim#they don’t even have any chemistry like riddle and trey sort of do#and i don’t know how silver and sebek isn’t obvious#they read as brothers through and through. silver literally said sebek is a brother to him.#i cant even comprehend seeing their relationship as romantic ever in any universe#they seem more like brothers than jade and floyd do#idk. my brain is just so wired to seeing them as brothers that whenever i see people ship them i feel sick#oh and theres also the fact that i feel like silver is so much more mature than sebek. i think thats also a really big factor.#it really affects their dynamic#silver has such older sibling who takes care of their younger sibling alone#like if both of them didn’t have parents silver would totally take up the parental mentality and he would always make sure sebek had someone#to rely on#ok that’s enough hate posting for now
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upsidedowngrass · 11 months
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im thinking abt liam and bryce SO much rn now. theyre dynamic is so. sorry liam. sorry bryce
#neither of them have done anything wrong and are simply two diff ppl w two diff personalities and two diff thought processes#responding to the same single event . that they didnt deserve to have to respond to but now they just Have To#and both of them regard the other w a sort of desperation around the events of s1 but in a different way#that they respond one way that contradicts how the other does#liam doesnt care what happens to himself but bryce doesnt want to lose everything#its very realistic and very tragic because they were both important for each other but the opposite of what each other wanted at all#bryce wanted to finally heal. from everything. and whether or not ignoring one was a healthy way to do so was irrelevant#he just wanted to finally heal#and liam just. he doesnt care about His Own Life. he just wants to do this One Thing at All Costs. and no one else can help him.#he wants to be known by someone. anyone really. because he cant do any of it alone but its all he knows to do now#and nothing else matters to him#the two are just. theyre so complicated and im emotional abt it#i thinka bt it a lot but i think a good way to put it is#wrt the trolley problem? liam would pull the lever. bryce wouldnt#anyway. that piece os soooo. thinks abt them forever#i think every combination of characters in one is extremely tragic#bc its normal ppl responding to a horrible situation they didnt deserve to be in but now have to respond to#and sometimes they conflict. sometimes they hurt another person when the intent was to help. sometimes its solace in the worst of ones life#but all of them are so. i think abt it a lot liam and bryce are just now the specific ones on my mind cus of my most recent rb
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s0fter-sin · 2 years
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“maybe if i, an 8yr old, managed to talk sense into my groomed and deeply traumatised 13yr old brother, maybe he wouldn’t have accidentally almost killed himself and become a villain” and no one in that room disagreed with him??
#none of them?#not one of them went hey maybe it wasnt on us literal children to try and help him?#this is where the endeavour redemption completely lost me#it was as well written as it could be up until this point#natsu still hating him fuyumis trauma response of lets just bury everything and be a normal family shoutos conditional forgiveness#especially when endeavour said ill buy you all a house and you never have to see me again#i could live with that. i hate it (make him face a lasting consequence for the love of god) but i could live with it#he doesnt deserve forgiveness and he deserves every ounce of emotional pain hes experiencing bc holy shit he irrevocably ruined five lives#but then they really turned around and said yeah us victims share the blame for how touya turned out#what the fuck#reis level of blame is debatable since even if she was mentally stable she was still always in the mindset of hey this guy Bought Me#and his continued Buying Me will fund my parents who Sold Me to him#even before any anbuse happened she was never going to be able to stand up to him#endeavour groomed touya just like afo did with shigaraki except even worse bc it happened from day dot#then he completely cut him off from the thing he groomed him to be and dumped him on rei until he got the child he wanted#dabi was never anything but endeavours fault and the fact that the narrative is trying to make them all share the blame#and frame it as a see endeavour when we all share fault and support you isnt it easier for you? cant you stand up and solve the problem now?#its the most classic victim blaming ive ever seen and were supposed to just take it and be like aw theyre facing dabi as a family#fuck off#and even then he still freezes and makes shouto fight dabi#you cant do it so i the 16yr old you also abused will fight my brother the kid you drove to accidental suicide for you#and when he finally gets over himself (after shouto is nearly killed dont forget that) and decides hes finally strong enough to fight him#were supposed to cheer that moment?#yay hes finally going to look at touya! were the fuck was he an hour ago cause he aint done shit against afo#the family needs to share blame and support him so he can face the blame and support himself fuck off#go beyond plus ultra#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#endeavour#dabi#todoroki shouto
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lunarharp · 2 years
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various witch stuff of the day or whatever the heck
#witch hat tag#orufrey#uhh yeah just getting some stuff out of the way haha i like the first one tho. i drew something that scares me#iguin must have been involved in qifrey's thing somehow. The Lidless eye..the sight of the world..i mean i think [redacted]#and he'll be [redacted] and [redacted] will be forced to... [redacted]???!?!!?#I want to keep my theories to myself.......or do i. not being a fandom person (other than dropping my art and leaving) means i just..#combust inside by myself with ideas and FEARS FOR THAT MAN.....CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM IM SO WORRIED IM SO...#CAN YOU LET SOMEONE HELP YOU#apparently tetia's expression in the last one is hard to understand =.= she's emotional bc she cant believe they remembered#the twin hat idea. and that she's so happy. i was thinking about how she was probably qif's first pupil so there must have been a time#where it was just her qif and oru... i DO think she is hinted strongly to be trans but even if not her mystery background is probably so sad#why would qifrey even become a teacher? his goal was the brimhats. but he keeps being distracted by kids with problem pasts so#he must have only been drawn to help tetia out of a deep sympathy. it seems at that point he and oru had drifted apart#did oru decide to be his watchful eye hearing about that or did qifrey ask him? he thought that qif had given up on brimhat stuff so..#*mumble mumble* lately i also keep remembering oru saying something UNREAL in kitchen like 'we're finally living under the same roof' ????#you can't just say that. what on earth. i..... whatever. i haven't even processed like 20% of my potential emotions about them#i feel so weirdly emotional today. i stopped thinking about witch hat for zuka even tho im SO hyperfixated it is genuinely PAINFUL to stop#i stopped just long enough to watch gatsby raku.... my haachan#i'm so grateful right now that i dont have any big issues in my life rn so i can get worried about manga men and sad about actors retiring#today at least i am extremely grateful. living and being alive is so so so so weird. i hope we all make it
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chiistarri · 4 months
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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dutybcrne · 5 months
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Me BSing hcs like: The fact that Kae is not only able to create a shield when he is dangerously low HP but also the fact that he is able to regenerate HP when he hits opponents with Frostgnaw is definitely due to him receiving his Vision when Diluc had tried to kill him in their Confrontation...but could it be possible that his familial ties to the Abyss Order could have influenced that HP drain of his-
#//And that's without mentioning the fact that Glacial Waltz's duration increases FOR EVERY OPPONENT DEFEATED#//Between that and his lil teleporting trick like an Abyss mage's (minus the flurries of ice); I have SO many thinkings#//Deffo love the abilities of his being an amalgam of Vision based and Abyssal energy imbued#//Deffo love that fact meaning it hurts a bit to use his Vision at all; esp with the teleporting being such a Staple to his combat style#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Sidetracking a bit; but I also like to think that even after the Abyss is defeated/beaten back enough to not be such a threat; he'd still#keep his abilities from it/some connection to it. Bc he's so used to it being such a big PART of his fighting style/assets to use in a pinc#//But also bc keeping that connection means it'd help him keep track of any remnants of the Order far easier#//He could track them down with far more ease; sense if they are growing stronger; get intel from Domains/abyssal traces#//Of course being very mindful to keep it a secret & trying to not involve his loved ones/fellow knights of it all#//But he very much is careful esp bc of risks of him being corrupted by it; keeping a keen eye on his mental/physical/emotional states#//Deffo has plans to leave Mond and/or end his own life if he starts seeing the Abyssal corruption affecting him irreversibly#suicide mention tw#//Kind of but also kind of not; considering some of the ways how he'd go abt it#//Knows it'd be harder to the further it goes; so he has particular criteria he keeps tracks of to ensure if they come to pass#//he; in a clearer state of mind; would either 1) use his Vision to try & purge the energy out of himself (extremely painful; COULD kill#if the corruption runs deep enough & save him the trouble) or 2) use the aggressiveness of the corruption to provoke someone (esp Luc)#into taking care of him &thus ending the problem all together. Bc he KNOWS he's strong; only a handful of beings could actually kill him#//& actually be WILLING to; without hesitation. Luc comes to mind first bc of their Confrontation. But also bc Kae'd be happy w him being#the last person he ever sees. Thinks it'd be comforting more than anyone else. Esp since a lover would just break his heart to see them#//Worst case scenario is him falling to the corruption & sb breaking it out of him in the moment#//Bc the Instant he realizes what's happening; esp if they are crying and/or angered at him; he WILL fatally wound himself#//And make SURE it's not something he can come back from; save by a miracle (or 'curse' as he'd see it)#//Probably making an icicle and slitting his own throat; if not jamming the thing into his heart#//he won't hesitate; wont offer explanations; final words or apologies; he cant risk that moment of clarity being too short for it#//he HAS to make sure he can't hurt anyone any further; no matter what it means for him#//Which is partly why he'd be so keen to make sure it's not found out; bc he KNOWS he can be talked out of keeping those abilities#//Or worse; he'd fight them on it; and thus make for a fucken MESS in the aftermath if he's been too far along in the corruption#//But he KNOWS that even with the risks; the powers are a VALUABLE asset to him; &thus desperately wants to keep them#//'sidetracking a bit'; I said. Proceed to write a wHOLE FUCKEN NEW HC IN TAGS; I did; kjfbgkftg. Whoops lmao
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ostwitchsheart · 10 months
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Sorry to start complaining but its my tumblr
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likeawolfatthemoon · 10 months
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yesterday i had a panic attack at work and sobbed for over an hour at my desk in front of all of my coworkers bc i was frozen to the spot and couldn't like...move myself to a different area at the very least. and i embarrassed the fuck out of myself and now i'm afraid of the new job that i loved 🙃
#i just want to have all the answers and i don't and the more people try to reassure me i'm still just learning the more upset i get!!!!#then i couldnt even come home bc HE was trying to comfort me and tell me the same shit#and its like it doesmt matter that ill eventually get it!!!!!!!! i dont get it RIGHT NOW and right now is what matters if you want me to#start taking incoming calls from clients who want me to explain it TO THEM!!!!#like i understand the basics of our software but i dont understand basic accounting math AT. ALL. which is part of what our software does so#if i get a call about that even if i understand what the software is supposed to do in theory i dont understand the fucking math!!!!!!!#i just look at it and it means NOTHING to me it might as well just be scribbles on a wall#and it doesnt matter to a client if im new and their books are messed up all that matters is that im stupid and cant help them and then i#freeze and therein lies the problem#the expectation is that i 'learn' using real people's real problems as examples and emotionally i cant handle the weight of NOT FIXING#A PROBLEM I'M EXPECTED TO FIX#my trauma response relies heavily on 'if i just fix the problem ill be safe' so when i cant fix it i literally revert to fucking infancy#which makes me great at customer service bc I'll go to any lengths to help you!!!!!!! but i dont feel like i have the tools to do that yet#amd i dont know how to explain that to my boss without making me sound even more useless than he is probably already perceiving me after#what happened yesterday
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dreamcast-official · 1 year
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mm
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xamaxenta · 2 years
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Suddenly feeling incredibly dysphoric in this chilis tonight
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orcelito · 2 years
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and you know what, i can speak in the language of business people. i can cater to logistics for why we shouldnt fire someone just for pay cuts. im not going to let someone just get fired for such little reasons.
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thisdreamsalive · 3 days
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Does anyone else whose 25+ look back at their teenage years and early 20s and is just livid about how the adults or adultier adults treated you like a stupid ungrateful brat who can't possibly suffer with anything because you don't have to (or they assume you don't) deal with Adult™ Problems like parenting, having a shitty job or trying to cover rent or bills?
Only to get older and be horrified because actually things were just as bad as you said they were because mental illness and trauma don't care about your age or how good your life looks to strangers who literally only know surface level things about you.
And now that you're an adultier adult, you don't have to fight so hard to be believed and no longer have have people assume the worst because of your age. Being treated like a person and having autonomy is a big part of why things aren't as bad now.
And it's just like wow you could have treated me with compassion the whole fucking time, you can shove it now.
#i wouldn't go redo my teenage years and early 20s if you paid me#be yourself they said unless youre gay or alt then theyre like “oh not like THAT”#stop telling kids its the best time of their life#the only people who say that are projecting because they were popular in school or regret their major life decisions#stop telling kids school is the best days of their lives#imagine wanting to kys and everyone is gleefully like “it gets worse” how tf is that helpful#adult problems are stressful but im actually better able to cope with them with an adult brain and full autonomy#when youre a kid you just have to watch your parents make decisions about your mental health you dont agree with and just suffer#you don't know what people are going through#i WISH my biggest problem in school was a boy not liking me back#lol that was the least of my concerns#my “adult” job treats me with far more respect and is easier than any job i had as a student#kids are people too#at least dont say you care about your students if you literally dont#kids arent stupid they can tell when youre bullshitting them#get fucked#it gets better#kids arent property#the college counselling service is only equipped to deal with generic student problems so they gaslight you instead of admitting that#student#college problems#student problems#mental health#you can be grateful for the opportunities you have and still suffer#you cant positive think your way out of everything#young people have real problems too
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