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#and i want to block her again so bad
thatdemiboymess · 2 years
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Me, violently shaking with repressed emotions: I Want To Disappear Off The Map And Start A New Life From Scratch.
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saltyfilmmajor · 20 days
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Why is shutting down my grief response, fucking garbage
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chippdhearts · 4 months
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if you see me adding to my open projects list..... no you do not
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knaveofmogadore · 10 months
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You ever have a customer with a legitimate problem but they're such an asshole that they extinguish the embers of empathy within you with their insolence?
#messages from knave#her name is [redacted] and I've dropped from being her champion to wishing she'd lose internet#in about 4 hours#i felt. SO BAD. for this woman last night. only for her to call and scream at me#when the office phone turned on this morning#she's like 'the weather shouldn't have effected anything' when it was raining half this week#this same woman blew her top that people were late when a fucking tree was blocking the road#i tried so hard to keep feeling bad for her cause we (my boss) genuinely screwed up at her house#but she's made it extremely difficult to keep being nice to her because she's begun inventing problems#like for example#i say 'the electrician is gonna be there between 9 and 10am'#she says 'youre disorganized and confused because he said he cant be here at 9. why are you terrible at your job'#i send her a SCREENSHOT where the electrician says he's going to be there around 9:30#she says 'thats not 9am' motherfucker that isnt what i said. He gave a timeframe of 930ish to 10am and that is what i told you.#between 9 and 10#lord in heaven#i dont know why she hired us again she hates one of our techs enough to remember him by name and ask he not be sent#she's never said a nice word and threatens to sue us constantly like WHY DO YOU WANT US TO WORK FOR YOU IF YOU HATE US#YOU'RE PAYING. GO ELSEWHERE#and i tell her last night 'just so you know we're not done#'we have to come back#and what does she do but fucking call me at 8am yelling about why shit isn't done. ma'am. i told u it wasn't finished#im going to lose my mind#can't even make her my boss's problem because he threw a temper tantrum at the implication something was his fault#and fumbled their text chain so gloriously last night that he wont even share what he said to make her want to sue him specifically#I don't even WANT to know what he said because it'd give me an ulcer thinking about it#i need another job before this one gets sued into the ground#also im sick because my partner works retail and thats about as bad as having a kid in daycare
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warrior-of-sunlight · 9 months
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I just fucking love it when someone has dogs that are too strong for them and one of them is dog aggressive and not wearing a muzzle. Just love it. And don't get angry when I need to physically kick your dog away after it bit both me and my dog, be happy my almost 40 kilo dog listened to me and did not bite back. Fucking hell.
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youremyonlyhope · 5 months
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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icterid-rubus · 5 months
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😕
#scheduled my cat to be put down this Friday#don’t wanna make a post about it but I wanna talk about it#asked my mom to come with to drive me and do the talking. dad asked to come too#except he doesn’t do earnest emotions well and says really stupid and insensitive shit when people are emoting#and I will be sobbing through all this. I already am#on a zoom call with family so they can say goodbye to Chloe and he’s going on about how bad she is sees I’m trying not to cry and says#gee! I don’t think she’ll make it through this! hohoho!#I don’t want anyone to be there with me at all but I know I just won’t be able to talk to the vet and pay#really just a fucked up year. ducked up like 6 years running but whatever#really tired but I can’t sleep. don’t want to talk to people but isolated#I want Chloe’s suffering to be over but I don’t want to let her go.#meanwhile I have bumble person on discord talking to me and it feels like such a slog. I want to ghost. I’m just tired in them and having#to keep up this like essays long reply chain about the minutia of our lives that doesn’t change ever#but that also feels mean because they haven’t been pushy and have been really considerate even when they asked to meet again and I said to#hold off because of my cat and it’s been like two weeks#I haven’t been in instagram because I don’t want fish store person to ask me out#trying to get stuff done for friends baby but realized in all this mess I forgot to block anything. feel like such a failure at everything#making baby presents. keeping my cat alive. making connections#I just don’t want to be perceived at all. I feel like such a non entity#or rather I feel like I should be a non entity. a picture on the wall of a disused room.#I’m so tired.
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our-lady-of-mcr · 5 months
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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aetheternity · 2 years
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Hard to breathe when you're not here...
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katyspersonal · 2 years
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I don't understand how there are people still supporting your content after it's clear you are an emotionally unstable narcissist. I swear some people care about their dumb fandoms more than common human decency.
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First - I refuse to let my lore posts, drawings and theories be called 'content'. I protest. It is a very soulless term that reduces creativity (the very expression of the soul, mind you!) to some sort of shallow and more importantly, replaceable good. "Why you consume the content from this PROBLEMATIC :( person" in the same vein as "Why you buy your car fuel from an unethical corporation" is absolutely absurd in any way, because creations are not physical goods but something unique.
Second, you seem to be confused on what the fandom entails.
Being a fan of something, in fact, doesn't... really entail all that much? Being a fan of something doesn't, and will NEVER mean that you subscribe to certain cultural, religious, political or humanity values or opinions, it will NEVER be only for the ones the loudest people in the crowd deemed "right" and "pure" enough, and certainly it will NEVER be only for people with clear history *cough cough* or people of "proper" mental state *COUGH cough*.
The only, and only, and only, and ONLY "requirement" for being a Bloodborne fan is - to care about Bloodborne. Ironically, this is something people I tend to become antagonists with often fail at, as there is a difference between 'Bloodborne fan' and 'Mariadeline fan that knows nothing about BB lore and holds only interests in how to shame men more and what kind of fans to declare "problematic"' *COUGH COUGH* god sorry guys, got a bad cough attack during this ask fhdhgfds
But, again, I think we the people that obsess with this or that media came to the conclusion that gatekeeping leads to another extreme - the whole thing with shaming artists that draw something not accurate, and think something not 100% correct to the canon is 'dirtying' the canon. You know, the whole 'oh you are fan of X band? name 40 songs' thing. So I think gatekeeping should be avoided unless someone appears who is both completely uneducated about lore AND tries to set their own rules.
*COOOOOUGH COOOOOUGH*
But, yeah. Your confusion is likely caused by the fact that people who like Bloodborne... love to read about Bloodborne, and not about what user should be blacklisted and what character is this or that identity and what this or that character is "problematic" etc. I object the idea that certain game/movie/book/etc is only for "right" kind of people and I think we as society at this rate are capable of separating interaction with the fictional universe and personality/personal lives.
#ask replies#personal#disco horse#/negative#i think my line of thought started with cringe statements YEARS ago such as the stuff like uhhhhh...#like people being like 'hey CIS MEN stephen universe is for women and trans men and nb folks we take it back!!!'#i then thought 'wow bitches really think enjoying a fictional thing is only for certain type of people????'#but by now it seems to have came the full circle#that said i welcome everyone in this fandom who likes bloodborne#because art is supposed to unite people not divide them#and certainly no game or movie or book is ONLY for 'certain' type of people#art is supposed to have default capacity of reaching everyone despite everything.#yooo you remember how j k rowling claimed ppl who still love hp support her ideals? NEVER do that shit folks#granted there is grey area of people not wanting to get money from people that are on polar different side of politic/humanity compass#which is valid? but i'd appreciate it if that wasn't forced onto people who do NOT benefit anything and just want to enjoy stuff#also emotional stuff is somewhat absurd tbh#i am making conscious effort ever since sp*de blocked me without explaining why to hold people at far emotional distance#so they do not have to be exposed to possibly questionable emotional stuff they don't know how to address#like... i do not in fact cling to people nor i make friends anymore unless they are PROVEN to be as chaotic as me#but again for some people bad once = bad forever and I don't play that game anymore lol
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capn-o-my-soul · 1 year
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i showed my dad the cabinet of dr. caligari and he said that it was a "unique piece of art, for the 1920s" and that "the General was better"
(ﻭ˃–˂)ﻭ
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tiredsadpeach · 2 years
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Did not need that lmao
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imnotverybright · 1 year
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man the fact that you can grieve things that didn't even happen and people that aren't even dead is so fucked
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moogghost · 5 hours
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every day i have the urge to make an askblog for my ocs bc i think it'd be funny before i remember 1. i don't post about my ocs nearly enough on here and 2. my dead los askblog is a warning sign i think
i might do it anyways but also idk bc lowkey i have Ideas some more intensive than the others but also this really does just stem down to me wanting to do callisto, yvonne, and castor askblog stuff bc i think it'd be funny. i thrive off of my characters being asked random shit
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ventingbit · 4 days
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#why did i Do That why whywhywhy#i think im actually going to throw up#I JUST WANTNRD TO SAY HI YP MY FROEND BUT NOOO OFC ITS NOT ACTIALLY HER ON WHATS SUPPOSED TO BE H E R FUCKING PAGE#“since you eont syop messaging ny sister” BRO THAT EAS LITERALLY OVER A WEEK AGO WHAT??#and when something happend between her mom and i thats been iver a year oh my god.#i shoulfve fucking known it wasnt her why did it fucking do it#UGDHDHDHSHS#i fucking hate it here#i sent maybe like 5 total meaages but thats bc i had things to say dickhead AMD ALOT OF IT WASNT EVEN ABOUT SPECIFICALLY WJAT HAPPEND WOTH#HER FUCKING MOM AND I LIKE?? IM BEINH CALLED THE FUCKING INSANE ONE WHAT#Thats not continually messaging your sister thats beukg concerned for her asshole and again! LITERALLY. OVER A WEEK AGO.#its not like i messaged anyone else either like. i did last year WHICH STILL WASNT ABOUT THE THING I (ADMITTEDLY STUPIDLY#bc iy was smth else i was mad ad-) GOT MAD AT HER MOM ABOUT LIKE.#im just really concerned for my friend and im supposed to stop caring like that?#idk ehy i did that. ofc it was her mom on her fucking page.#I EVEN GOT TOLD TO LEAVE HER ALONE?? AS IF IVE BEEN MESSAGING CONSTANTLY OH MY GODDD#“drama stirrer” my fucking ass i was just hoping one of you was actually a fucking decent person so my friend can get the proper help she#should have#i did have a inking that ofc it wasnt myfriend on there so i did send a message saying how sad it was for other people to be on someones pag#page acting as them i didnt say anything hateful or anything either and yet i get told “friend showed me this and basically you can fuck of”#and a whole rant from her sibling. acting as if i messaged them specifically again. lmao okay then#IF THRY DONT WANT HER BEING FRIENDS WITH ME SO BAD WHEN ITS BAD ENOYGH IM LITERALLY IN THE SAME FUCKING AREA AS HER#THEN JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME?? ATLEAST I WOULFNT BE GOING IN HOPIMG IT WAS ACTUALLY MY FRIEND THIS TIME.
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