#and i want to make this blog a place i can throw stuff in comfortably

[woolyshep]

EXPLODE!!

I redrew an old art of my sona (the wooly demon namesake :0!!) with their updated design way back in.. May? It had been a wip for a while but I finished it in May

[erenoir]

𝐟𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮

💿 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚏𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚣𝚣𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛

genre: single father!toji, slow burn, angst then fluff, nsfw, MDNI

warnings: 18+ dark content, alcoholism, breeding kink, daddy/mommy titles used, unprotected sex, oral sex, verbal fighting, discussions of abandonment, initial toxic relationship, light gun use.

featuring: toji x fem step-mom!reader

summary: you and toji had met each other at your worst, twin flames fueling each other’s bad habits. you spent weeks upon weeks as on-and-off fuck buddies, manipulating and using each other before throwing one another to the curb again. nothing could save the turbulent relationship of a touch-deprived woman and a man afraid of love, never daring to wave your white flags to one another… until the night toji dropped a bomb that would make or break the two of you forever. | find it on ao3: [☆]

word count: 14.9k

a/n: tell jesus that the bitch is back- i’m kidding! no but really, its been a long year (or more?) of me being away from this blog. i haven't done this in a while, but i have too many delusions and thoughts to not make them into stories, i missed writing too much. anyways, if you like this: reblog, comment, check out my other stuff, etc! luv u xx send toji thirsts in honor of szn 2

“Okay now Megs, daddy and I will be back tomorrow morning, okay?” 

Your knees pressed into the cold floor as your fingers tangled themselves in your stepson’s wild, raven locks. The little boy stuck his bottom lip out in protest, your heart swelling at the sight of it. Your thumb met his velvety skin as you stopped a tear from rolling any further down his rouged cheek. 

“I don’t want you and daddy to go!” He wailed, a tiny voice strained with big emotions. The glum boy ran into your open arms, clinging to you like velcro. The creamy silk of your blazer swept across the nape of his neck as you enveloped him into a cozy embrace.

“Oh Megumi, you’ll be alright! Your father and I will just be away for the night. Then tomorrow… I can make you all the pancakes in the world for dinner!” His eyebrows knit together and his rosy nose scrunched up as you shook his face in your hands. Little Megumi's messy, toothless grin punctured your heart so deeply. You adored the boy endlessly, even if he wasn’t your son by blood, a connection so spirited manifested itself between the two of you. 

“Really mommy?! Do you really mean all of the pancakes in the world?” You let a gentle fingertip feather itself across the tip of Megumi’s nose as you rose to your feet to ruffle the boy’s hair, “Of course I mean it baby! Daddy will do whatever it takes to get you every last drop of pancake batter in the whole, wide, world… isn’t that right, honey?”

You shifted your weight to your left foot to get a good look at Toji, Megumi’s father. He planted himself in his usual crushed velvet armchair that rested in front of the fireplace, thighs sprawled out across the plush cushion. His cheek sunk into the palm of his hand as he ogled at his precious family. 

All mine, Toji thought, all fucking mine. 

The brooding man sauntered up to you two with ardency, his husky arms snaking around your waist, pulling your backside into his chest and placing a wet kiss to the crook of your neck. Toji rested his hand atop of Megumi’s hair, nearly drowning your little one’s head with its size. You gazed on dotingly as your lover’s biceps contracted when he picked up your son, cooing him into a comfortable silence. The fireplace illuminated the quaint living space an intimate shade of orange, fractals of light bouncing off of the most hidden corners of the room. The shadow of your lover danced across the walls as he rocked the raven-haired child to sleep. You massaged red fingernails into his burly shoulders, feeling the fabric of his black t-shirt ripple between your fingertips.

“We’re so lucky, aren’t we?” You purred into Toji’s neck as you two caressed the light of your lives, sound asleep in his arms. Toji peered over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of you, watching your maternal instincts consume your body as you outstretched your soft hands to the boy. Something within Toji burst in that moment, seeing his lover care for his child as if he were her own. 

“Let me take him to bed, my love.” Dark eyes trailed your steps attentively, watching your hips sway as you cradled his son in your nimble arms, your tender hand nurturing the back of his head, holding it tightly to your chest. His pupils dilated when you started whispering lullabies into Megumi’s ear. A  series of “Mommy loves you,” and “I’ve got you my baby,” made Toji’s jaw clench and every part of him swell with adoration.

—

You once arrived in Toji’s life as a fiery little creature. Wild, uncaring, and foaming at the mouth for attention. He didn’t see you as anything other than a friend with benefits. It was a fair exchange, Toji satiated your need for unhealthy attention as a girl disowned by her distant parents, and you satiated his need for a little rag doll as a hitman with a severe lack of emotional intelligence. He needed a woman that would do most anything to please him and receive the gratification she so desperately craved in return. Room 4C, that was the room you two would run away to every weekend. 

It was a malignant relationship you had, you were unabashedly toxic to one another. Toji would show up drunk on most occasions, and you would allow him to do whatever he wanted to your feeble little body and enjoy every second of it. You would fight just to see who could scream louder, until the misty light from the sun rising sliced through the cracks of the thick curtains. The old motel would’ve kicked you two out if it weren’t for how much business you brought them. Your eyes stung with crazed tears, both of pleasure and pain, and Toji was the one that induced them every time. Every smack to the cheek was met with a tender kiss, and every “I hate you,” was met with a chorus of apologies. You loved each other in wicked ways, but you loved each other nonetheless. You pushed as Toji pulled, never could either of you find a moment of peace to let your fragile emotions rest.

That was until one night where you asked Toji to meet you in your usual room, at your usual time, 8 p.m. Only that night had you two finally waved your white flags and extinguished your venomous behavior to one another.

—

Your toes were painted a wine red as they ran through the fuzzy carpet below you, feet swinging over the twin-sized motel bed. Rain rushed the windows with fervor, the storm warning you had received this morning not clicking in your brain until that very moment. The muffled voices of the news anchors suffocated your eardrums as they grew louder. The silence in the room was painstaking and you didn’t know how much longer you could last solely listening to the rhythmic drips of the leaking bathroom sink. Your eyelids began to droop as the neon leds of the plastic alarm clock flicked from 8:59 to 9:00. The stiff sheets felt like royal silk at that moment, sleep threatening to consume your body. The room around you shut on and off, eyelids blinking slowly, and your mouth dipping into the slightest “o” shape. the cotton of your t-shirt rode up your thighs as you slid yourself under the covers. Toji isn’t coming tonight, truthfully, the thought grazed your mind when it had only been ten minutes after 8, Toji was never any more tardy than that. But as you watched the clock now switch from 9:04 to 9:05, the hint of betrayal that had felt like a pin prick before now felt like you’d just been gutted. 

Your body was swallowed in the darkness of the motel room, though you did leave the news on, maybe the late night anchors could keep you company in your lover’s absence. In your dream you saw the dark eyes that taunted you into submission. How pathetic was it to dream about a man who couldn’t care less about you besides what you had underneath your underwear? In your dream you were running, your earthly body was riddled with cold sweats and shivering into oblivion, you heard pounding, it grew rapidly with every step you took, the beat of your heart staying in time, though the pounding felt too real to be fabricated through your imagination alone.

Then your body jolted awake to a vigorous gust of wind, and suddenly the banging became real, and whoever demanded that kind of attention from you at midnight was about to receive a pounding to their face. With your eyes cloudy and vision blurred, you tried to adjust to the dark blue of your surroundings. 

“Ah, shit!” The stark yellow light of the bedside lamp blinded you, a shaky hand rested on your forehead to act as a shield to the harsh, artificial rays. The comforter of the rigid bed you laid on grew wet, rainwater dripping from the dark figure that stood above your tired body. 

“T-Toji?” You stammered into the abyss, you had no courage to look up and see who had woken you up from your restless slumber. After all, you didn’t want the last thing you saw to be your murderer. 

“No, it’s Megumi,” your hand snapped to your side to see from whom such a soft voice was emitted. Above you stood a small boy with porcelain skin and raven hair, he couldn’t have been more than 6 years old.

My god, you thought, he looks just like-

“Toji is my dad, he said to wait in this room while he- while he got m-more of his happy juice… s-so he pushed me through th-that window a-and n-now my knee is bleeding!”

The young boy who tried to remain stoic eventually broke into a fit of relentless tears. He's a child, he’s a- he’s Toji’s… Toji has a child. Your brain went through the motions, trying to ride every wave of the ocean it was thrown into. 

Until one of those waves truly hit you- and you realized that there was a fucking child in your room.

And all of the sorrow you felt for the boy had turned into pure, unadulterated rage for his poor excuse of a father. 

You peeled yourself from the bed and tripped over the legs of your jeans as you tried to shrug them on while making your way to the door. Your hand stopped at the knob before turning to the kid. 

“Fuck… don’t go anywhere, okay kid?” You mumbled as you fished the pack of Marlboro's from the back pocket of your Levi���s and jammed one into your mouth, busting through the door and into the rainy parking lot… search frantically- ferally, for the one person you were dying to see most.

“Where the FUCK are you?! You asshole!” You screamed, voice cracking. “Show your fucking face you… you coward!” You were speechless, running to the middle of the parking lot, and scanning every dark car for someone hiding out- hiding from you. The rain sunk through your tank top, goosebumps pricking your skin, and then next you felt the tears. He was the last person you wanted to cry for, he didn’t deserve it, the fucker would probably enjoy it if you didn’t know him any better.

“Fuck you!” You seethed, bare feet taking you in circles around the flooded lot. “Fuck! You! I hate you!” The tears finally poked through, staining your cheeks with old mascara.

“You always do this shit Toji Fushiguro! I hope you’re fucking dead! You fucking deadbeat father!”

–

After twenty minutes of your parking lot charades, the motel manager had to nearly drag you back to your room- a freezing cold, screaming maniac. The boy- Megumi, was sitting next to you cross-legged on the bed with a patched up knee and an ice cream sandwich from the vending machine three rooms down. He hummed to the tune of the children’s show that played on the television, swaying back and forth in contentment. The fact that you were babysitting the child of the man that you were fuck buddies with amused you as you scoffed to yourself. 

“You know… your dad didn’t tell me had a kid,” the little boy’s attention remained fixed on the screen, ignoring you completely while his dark eyes memorized the flashes of color and cartoons in front of him. Hm, he really is Toji’s kid. 

“How's your knee, Megs?” Your fingers ran across the pink bandaid you’d stuck over his scrape, making sure the adhesive wasn’t lifting off of his damp skin. Vanilla filling seeped through Megumi’s tiny fingers. Chocolate crumbles littered his plump cheeks as he stuck the final bite of his ice cream sandwich in his mouth, stuffing his cheeks full. 

“My knee is fine!” He mumbled through a full mouth, patting his sticky palm over his wound. Your mind toyed with the idea of whether or not now was a good time to mention his father again, but knowing Toji, if you didn’t mention him he wouldn’t even bother coming back. So keeping the boy’s best interest at heart, you casually brought up his father’s name for a second time. 

“Megumi… can you tell me where your dad is?” You folded your hands in your lap as you awaited his response. Tears pricked at the boy’s gloomy eyes, a storm just as tumultuous was raging in him as it was outside. Messy palms wiped themselves across his white race car shirt, before they came up to wipe at his face.

“I-I told you… he s-said he was going to get more of his happy juice… he said to wait here with a lady named ___. Th-that’s what he said to do!”

Megumi’s quiet words turned into an erratic tantrum. Tears flooded his eyes as he snorted up a wad of snot, the race car on his shirt slowly starting to drive on wet roads. You were going to kill Toji. You didn’t give a crap about the way he treated you anymore, he had a child who was helpless. And god knows the child was helpless if the person Toji decided to leave him with was you. 

The docile boy leaned sweetly into your arms, begging for some form of comfort, it was evident that he’d never received any from his own father before. The sleeves of your sweater moved hesitantly to wrap themselves around Megumi’s shaking body, afraid that if you were to embrace him fully the dam that’s been holding back all of your emotions would suddenly break. It wasn’t your place to nurture this child, it wasn’t your place to offer him another outlet for parental guidance. But as you sat at the edge of the motel bed with the little boy, it felt as if you were sitting at the edge of a cliff, and you could either sink or swim with Megumi’s life in your hands. The moment you felt his frail arms hug you back, the dam fell, and you were in too deep to stop giving a fuck now. 

You brought a hand to his wild hair. It stuck up in all directions, he told you earlier that he stole some gel from his dad’s bathroom, and that Toji let him do it however he wanted to. You remember laughing at that, seemingly because it sounded like something Toji would say. Your cheek felt cool against the top of his head, his hair still drying from the torrential storm that brewed just outside the window. Every string inside of you that was holding your emotional state together at the seams had ripped in two as Megumi began to sob more violently than before. His red cheeks moved from right to left across your sweater, wiping snot, drool and tears all over you. With thoughts clouded and the slightest knowledge of how to take care of a child flying out the window, you began to panic. Toji had left his offspring, his flesh and blood, with you, his emotionally corrupted, immature, and attention deprived fuck buddy. 

Why?

With tender hands you tuck the covers under Megumi’s petite body. Your heart crumbled completely when you saw how the tears dried on Megumi’s cheeks, how his breathing was congested with mucus, and how his swollen eyes twitched in his sleep. He was having a nightmare. The bed dipped in as you sat beside him and ran fragile fingers over his forehead, sweeping his long hair out of his eyes. For the first time that night you let tears fall from your eyes, as you gazed at the broken child with an instinct to care for him, to help him grow, if Toji wasn’t going to be there to do it. You watched as Megumi’s body relaxed under your touch, his breathing smooth, and his eyebrows drooping. A small smile formed on your face, it was time to fake happiness for this boy, if it meant that he would be okay.

“He’s a g-good kid r-ight?” Your head snapped up as Toji’s overbearing body stumbled through the window, his hand desperately grasping for some kind of support from the wall. God, you really needed to lock that fucking window or god knows what other Fushiguro would trip through it. 

An animosity so intense boiled within you, clawing at your stomach, dying to be taken out on the drunken man stood in front of you. The tears returned to your eyes, his silhouette doubled as your vision blurred. 

“D-don’t you fucking come near me you asshole,” you whispered, there were no words in the world that could’ve described how badly you wanted to scream at Toji until his eardrums popped. Alas you couldn’t… you couldn’t let Megumi see his father like this. 

“Exc-use me but I'd l-like to see my-my son,” words slurred out of his wet lips, a line of saliva falling out of the corner of his mouth. 

“Toji… don’t even think for a second I’d let you near him,” your delicate hands pushed against his steel chest, helplessly punching into him to stop him in his tracks. His strong hands wrapped themselves around your wrists tightly as he looked you in the eyes with an intoxicated heat. 

“Toji… why? Why wouldn’t you tell me you had a fucking child? Is this who you ran away from every weekend we spent together?” Your hand shakily pointed to little Megumi’s sleeping body, “Do you understand how fucked up that makes me feel? How fucked up that makes you? God! I knew you were a piece of shit but Toji… this is rich, this is- this is the icing on the fucking cake… you disgust me!” You whispered as Toji’s hands repositioned themselves to cup your cheeks, his calloused thumbs coming to wipe the lines of mascara running down your face. Although blank and empty, his stare alone spoke a thousand words.

It told you that he was broken, that he was filled to the brink with regret, that he hated- no, absolutely loathed himself. Toji knew he was a piece of shit, he knew he was wrong for hiding his son from you, and he knew he was wrong for hiding you from his son. He had lasted long enough pushing everything under a compact rug until it couldn’t hold much more, and now every fucked up thing in his life was catching up to him, and you were watching it happen right in this depressing, wet, and cramped motel room.

“I-I didn’t know wh-where else to bring him, I-I mean look at me I can’t be with him right now…” Toji fell to his knees and gripped your calves with his hands, crying into the damp denim of your jeans. You stood stiff, frozen in place and in disbelief at what was happening. The brazen man that you knew so well, that dripped with confidence, with ego, with a sense of security, had shattered completely. Toji’s back muscles contracted as he dry heaved onto the floor, the contents of his stomach just missing your feet. He looked up at you with an empty expression. Snot was dripping out of his nose, his jaw was trembling and his face was littered with tears and red splotches.

“Toji-” You reached for him.

“No… please hear m- me out…”

“I'll listen to you… outside…” You fired, “I’m not- I refuse to do this here when your son is sleeping right there!” You hoisted his body up off the floor as the two of you staggered into the storm. He leaned his body up against the door to 4C as you closed it, boring holes into your head, desperate for you to say anything. You wrapped your sweater around you tighter as rain propelled towards your shivering bodies. You two must have looked mad… drenched, drunken and depressed, in the middle of a storm, enveloped in darkness, hugging yourselves as if that would be of any help. Only the light of the moon and from the other motel rooms made it possible for you to see Toji’s face. The sounds of his rabid sobs mixed with the intensity of the rain pelting the ground, the freezing winds icing over his face sobered him up a bit. Toji began speaking as you looked down at your bare feet once again being swallowed by the wet pavement.

“I don’t trust anyone else,” Toji burns a hole into the parking lot with his stare, watching it flood slowly, he didn't have the guts to look at you, not yet. The single traffic light across the street whipped back and forth in the wind, streaks of light painting the foggy air. You leaned up against the door next to Toji, your tiny body being engulfed by his large, shaking one.

“…I didn’t trust a-anyone else w-with Megumi, I’m a threat to my own fucking kid, can you believe that?” You thought about it for a second, and you could completely believe it, the fact that Toji hid his son from you for this long should’ve spoken for itself. Your somber silhouettes shivered against the outside of the motel, both of your minds racing to deliberate how you would work yourselves through this mess. You almost wanted to laugh, the last people on this earth you would expect to be parents were you and Toji. With the breath kicked out of you, you slid down to the pavement and let yourself hit the ground. You hugged your knees with your shuddering hands and watched the cars slowly maneuver their way around the dimly lit parking lot. Toji’s hand navigates its way to the top of your head and smooths his fingers over your hair.

“Toji… I just have so many questions-”

“So ask them,” for once you looked at him with soft eyes, his voice trembled every time he spoke, you could try to fill the shell of a fractured man with love, with empathy, but everything you could possibly give him would just seep through the cracks of his ego. 

“…I keep my circles small… so I didn’t have many options of who to leave the kid with… you’re the only person that I’ve allowed myself to get close to…” He ran a hand over his face, his body began to sink down next to you, extending his legs flat to the ground as his pants soaked with rainwater, “and you haven’t rejected me yet so I threw one more thing on you… is that okay?” 

Was it okay? Of all the fucked up things you and Toji have done together, you scoffed in disbelief as your hands began to trace circles on the flooding ground beneath you, swirling rainwater in between your fingers.

“…and his mother?” Your voice cracked as your heart sank at what you could only predict his answer would be. Toji's jaw stiffened, grinding it back and forth as he reached for a pack of soggy cigarettes from his back pocket. 

“Shit,” he muttered. He rung out the pack of smokes in his strong hold, the damp paper pushing between the cracks of his fingers. You looked at him and he looked straight ahead, watching small ripples form in the puddles of water upon impact from the rain.

“She’s dead… died when he was just born,” your chest weakened at his words, eyes overwhelmed with sorrow. Toji's lips began to tremble as he tried to bite back his tears. He was tired of crying, tired of not being strong anymore, and tired of not being a good father, for that’s the strongest thing a man could ever be. 

“…So the kid got stuck with me… he- I don’t deserve him, I don’t deserve to be a father to a kid as good as him…” In his most vulnerable state, you chalked up the courage to take his hand in yours and rub your thumb over his scarlet knuckles. You sat like that for a while, legs sprawled out over the drenched concrete, the ends of your feet grazing each other ever so softly.

“Toji…” your voice came out barely above a whisper, “…don’t say that… Megumi needs you,” Toji’s breath hitched in his chest as he coughed back the urge to cry anymore, “Megumi needs you to get better for him… that kid- he looks up to you so fucking much. He sat next to me for an hour talking about you alone.”

You pulled your knees into your chest and buried them under your sweater to shield your icy legs from the cold. You felt Toji’s blue eyes burn holes into the side of your head, he was desperate for any taste of guidance.

“You’re lying… the kid barely knows me, he”-

“So help him know you! Toji you can’t fucking give up on that kid… and you sure as hell can’t dump him on me and expect me to make up for the years you neglected him! I won’t fucking do it, not without you…” Your screams broke into a whisper. 

You wanted Toji. You wanted him a month ago when he was just an asshole without a kid, and you want him now that he’s just an asshole with a kid. You shifted your body to sit closer to his, his silhouette swallowing yours in size as you curled up next to him on the concrete. Resting your head on his shoulder, he inched his hand towards yours to lift your knuckles to his lips and kiss them gently, one by one.

“Toji…” you continued, your eyes not leaving the ground, “I want to be with you, I want to love you- and if Megumi comes with you I’ll love him too… that’s what you’re asking of me, yeah?” You lifted your head to look at him, leaving your faces only inches apart as you gazed into each other’s eyes. Toji nodded his head slowly, he never asked for help, it was a sign of vulnerability. But the kid was the only exception for Toji, he always has been. He'd always absorb everything like a sponge until he physically couldn’t hold any more dirty water, tearing every time he had to ring out all of his baggage. 

“You wanna know why you’re an asshole?” You’re probed, finally striking a light on one of his gnarly cigs and blowing the smoke onto his face. The scarred corner of his mouth twitched upward, enough for only you to notice. 

“Pray tell, doll.” He chuckled in a husky voice, his calloused hand reaching for the cigarette you held before you smacked it away. He scoffed, “That came from my pack, you know?” 

“The least you could do for me is bum me a cig, no?” You jabbed, the burning cherry hanging from your fingers as your hand bounced around with your words. 

Silence. 

“Well… you’re an asshole Fushiguro…” You continued without any more permission, hesitant to tell him what you wanted to. You feared you’d opened up too much already. Your tongue dragged over your teeth as you worked out your next sentence. 

“You-“ You took a long drag, “You are a raging dick, actually. Because-” you paused to look over at him, and surprisingly enough, you had his complete attention. And his eyes weren’t hardened but- soft. And his breathing was less ragged than it was ten minutes ago. You swallowed hard as his eyes dropped to your mouth. 

“You know you could hop on the next train out of here with no intention of seeing me again…” You whispered. “And I’d fucking love the shit out of that kid regardless, right?” He smirked at your choice of words, Toji tried hard not to love things, in the end everything he gets close to fades away and dies. But he believed that he loved you, and he loved the way you were prepared to drop everything to nurture the most secret part of his life. All he could do was stare at your face, gentle, warm, and glowing in the rain. Though it felt like the whole world was after him he felt safe next to you, and he despised the feeling, for it meant that he was prepared to give himself to someone for a second time, and he wasn’t ready to lose another. 

“And that’s why I left him with you,” he smirked. He winced as you smacked him across the face, your eyes wide and feral.

“Yeah I know, I know that’s why you did it you fuck!” You scream-whispered, still mindful of Megumi just behind the door. “But don’t expect me to be- h-hot shit at this mother thing- I won’t hesitate to throw you under the bus if it means protecting him!” 

You were standing now, and you were pacing, and reality was hitting you, and the adrenaline rush you were riding for the past thirty minutes was wearing off and you were scared. Your hand shook as you rose the dwindling cigarette to your lips, your body shaking from both the rain and the kiss of reality. Struggling to inhale from the damp bud, Toji cut off your train of thought.

“I know you won’t, that’s why I left him with you,” he said sternly, his figure now towering over yours. He grabbed his face in your hands, and it was just as much a loving act as it was a ‘I need you to get your head on straight and focus’ act. He pushed your cheeks in and shook your face ever so slightly, “You listen to me- That. Is. Why. I. Left. Him. With. You.” 

He spoke roughly, dividing every word with a quick pause so you could get it through your head. He pressed his forehead to yours so you were eye to eye. “Hey,” he brushed some matted hair away from your wet forehead. You knew he saw the tears welling in your eyes, and you wish you could push him away so he could never see you cry again. But you couldn’t, you felt that you loved him far too much to do that. Your shoulders shook as you let them fall, you cursed yourself for letting it happen. 

“Fucking listen to me,” Toji jabbed, “I left him with you because you- you don’t fear me. You will throw me under the bus, you’ll push me in front of a fucking train, for that kid,” he actually laughed at the thought, “I know no other person that will hold me accountable- even if it meant my bloody death.” 

You shook yourself out of his hold, throwing your burnt out cigarette on the ground between you two, setting an imaginary border so you could think clearly away from him. 

“Are you sober enough to hear me out?” You asked quietly but not lacking any ounce of aggression. 

“Since you slapped the living shit out of me? I’d say I’m pretty okay,” Toji took one step towards you before you stopped him in his tracks.

“You stay over there and you listen to me,” you growled. You nervously rung out your hands, pulling on every knuckle and joint while you spoke. 

“… I hope you don’t… run away.” You paused, “No- actually, you will not run away,” Your words left your mouth like you were prophesying commandments to a lost disciple. “He needs you with him, Toji. He is tired of you disappearing.”

Toji listened to you like your voice was the last thing he’d hear in his life, yet he wanted you to stop talking. The more you spoke the more bound to the tracks he felt, and he had never been bound to anything before, he did as he pleased, always. So Toji prayed you wouldn’t utter another word that would keep him here. He had to leave, if he stayed you would get hurt, that’s how it always went. But with every word that left your mouth you pulled him in and glued him to the ground he stood on. 

He let out an exasperated sigh as you wrapped a hand in his hair, using it as leverage to push your foreheads back together. He was speechless, there was so much he could say to you, to convince you to kick him to the curb, but his words were stuck in his throat.

“I am tired of you disappearing,” the ropes that kept his body bound to the tracks drew tighter, and in the distance he saw the headlights of a train inching closer by the second.  

“I know you think it’s hopeless, that it’s not even worth trying, but your son having any shot at living a normal life is worth fighting for… Toji, please-” 

And then the train struck him, just as promised, this wouldn’t be the last one you pushed him in front of. 

Your grip on Toji’s hair loosened as his lips crushed themselves onto yours. He pulled you closer, needed you closer, hugging you into his chest as you caressed the sides of his face with your hands, thumbs rubbing at his scarred cheekbones. You tasted like salvation. Toji knew deep down that you were his salvation. 

“I’m not asking you to fix me, I’m way past that- I'm just asking you to be patient… for the kid.” He whispered against your lips, the tears that littered your cheeks dampened his. “I care…” he swallowed his words, “...I care about you- alot.”

“Jesus fuck, did it kill you to say that?” For the first time that night you laughed genuinely, and Toji’s mind was clear. It was carved in stone, he had claimed you and now he’s responsible for your life now, alongside Megumi’s. He raised his hands off your hips as if you were a fragile porcelain doll, too afraid to hurt you now that he’s held you- truly, held you. You looked at him questioningly, already missing the feeling of his skin against yours.

“I don't want you to get hurt… I don’t want Megumi to lose anyone else, he needs something I’m afraid I can’t give to him-”

“Shut up,” your eyebrows furrowed together as you shook his head gently, “Don’t go there… you dumb fuck,” bringing his lips to yours once more, he finally released under your touch, the feeling of you safe and in his arms put his restless thoughts to bed.

“I'm here, Megumi is sleeping soundly inside… we’re gonna be okay. Everything is a fucking mess. Because you did kind of fuck it, but we’ll figure it out,” you insisted, taking his hands in yours and placing them on your heart. Toji dropped his head to the crook of your neck and closed his eyes as the soft thump of your heartbeat grazed against his fingertips.

“Do you feel that? I’m alive you asshole… I’m not dead yet.”

—-

Toji knew you would stick around for a while.

He was right, because here you were, two years later, with Megumi cradled in your arms as you carried him up the winding steps of your Victorian home, placing soft kisses on his forehead and lulling him to sleep. Today was the anniversary of that night at the motel, when you met Megumi for the first time and decided to help Toji care for him even when you were entirely lost yourself. You haven’t been back there since, you three left the next morning on a train and never looked back. You told Toji that if you did it would be bad luck, so he kept moving forward for you and his son, to finally give him a life he deserved. But tonight you two thought it would be nice to visit one more time, on your anniversary, just for old time’s sake.

Toji watched as you tiptoed back down the steps and gave him a gentle thumbs up, signaling that Megumi had finally fallen asleep. Toji wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up into him, peppering kisses all over your blushing face. You placed a sloppy kiss onto his lips before jumping down and giving him a little twirl.

“C’mon baby, let’s go!” You wrapped your hand in his and dragged him to the door. His face relaxed into a content smile, after all this time, his little bird was still as free as ever.

—

Around your neck you donned a good locket that Toji had gotten you for your birthday, it moved up and down against your chest as you took deep breaths standing in front of an old friend. The door to room 4C looked just as you left it, with a few more cracks here and there. Your body shuddered as you looked down at the ground in front of it, still feeling the presence of your younger self clad in a drenched sweater, curled up next to a younger, drunken Toji. A warm smile spread across your face as you remembered how scared you two were, unsure of the world and without a plan, shivering in the pouring rain as you thought about your futures together. 

Tonight the sky was clear, the only thing that surrounded you was the sound of cicadas singing. You looked up to your side as you felt Toji’s fingers intertwined with yours, holding onto your hand loosely. He looked down at you and smirked, although you two were much more mature and cared about whether you lost your lives or not for Megumi’s sake, deep down you two would always be the notorious fuck-ups that happened to fit perfectly together.

“Wanna wreck some havoc one last time?” he asked you. You giggled as your hand twirled the brass doorknob, entering the room that you and Toji made love in more times than you could count, the room that you got high in, got drunk in, the room that you fought in, that you threw television remotes at each other in… the room that you eventually fell in love in.

Your fingertips grazed the stiff blankets, the cherry red countertops, the cheap coffee maker, as you took every detail in. Everything was left just the way it was on the night. You let out a chuckle underneath your breath as you sunk your fingers into the mattress, remembering how Megumi’s body slept here soundly as you and Toji decided what the fuck you were to make of yourselves just outside.

“I'm glad you pushed Megumi in here that night…” you whispered as you lifted the blanket up, they could never remove the stain of his chocolate ice cream sandwich from the white sheets. Toji watched as you reminisced, taking in every inch of you, before your eyes finally met as you dragged your gaze across the tacky flower paintings that decorated the walls. Your eyes rested on his face as you drank the sight of him in. Toji was happy, he was at peace with what his life had turned out to be.

“The way it all happened was absolutely fucking ridiculous I hope you know that…” You rolled your eyes at him as he crossed his arms and leaned up against the kitschy wallpaper. “...but I wouldn't change a thing, it happened the way it did for a reason.” 

He watched as your hips swayed back and forth underneath your black slip dress, his heartbeat speeding up as you draped your arms around his neck and leaned him further back into the wall. Toji, the hardened man that could effortlessly punch through anything that looked at him the wrong way, softened immediately when he was with you. You were his biggest source of strength, but his ultimate weakness nonetheless.

“Hold me, Toji,” you whispered as you brought your lips to his, feeling his brute arms tie themselves around your tiny waist, “…I love you baby,” you murmured as your lips moved against his.

“Thank you,” Toji had spoken for the first time since you two entered the room, too enamored with you to form any coherent words until this point. He watched as the orange light from the bedside table illuminated the back of your head, the halo of light framed your face like an angel.

“What?” you continued to pepper kisses all over his face, gently alternating back and forth from each cheek as your fingers played with his dark hair.

“For saving me… for loving Megumi… you didn’t have to fucking do that… you could’ve been free but you chose this life,” he pulled you up into him, shoving his face into your neck and taking in your scent. Toji was deathly afraid of losing you, so when he held you, he held you like it was going to be the last time he’d ever get to. You were his second chance at life, and if he could, he’d have you by his side forever.

“And I wouldn’t have chosen any different.” You croaked, your fingernails grazing the back of his neck. 

“I wanted you then Toji and I still want you now, heaven and hell would have to meet on this earth to get me to stop loving you…” Your words were barely above a whisper, making sure they were for him and only him. Toji’s lips began to move against your neck and his hand tugged your head back by your hair, giving him more room to mark you. 

“Toji, plea-“ You whined breathlessly, eyebrows furrowing together as everything inside you became bubbly and grew more sensitive with every touch. 

“Have you ever thought about…” His lips paused against your neck, his grip on you tightening before he let up, “Fuck it, nevermind.” He shut himself down before he could even finish his thought. You nudged his head out from where it was hiding on your shoulder and forced him to look at you. You always found it funny that you held such a threatening man like putty in your hands.

“No… say it, tell me please,” you rested your hands on either side of his face, letting him know it was okay, you gleamed up at him as the flashes of the television reflected in your eyes, his heart swelled at the sight of you. Toji broke his eye contact with you, anxious of how you’d respond to his question. Toji was anxious. And you could feel it. And then his jaw clenched before his grip on you tightened once again, even now he couldn’t let the fortress that he hid inside break. 

“Have you ever thought about… having another kid?” His eyes were dark, and a grin almost devious teased the corners of his mouth, and all of a sudden you felt how you did two years ago. And the Toji you fell for was standing there and he was so close to you and you were in his arms. He was teasing you like you were helpless teenagers in love. And though you loved Megumi so deeply- he was safe with the nanny at home… and you and Toji were just you and Toji again. You wanted him as fiercely as you did two years ago, and you wanted him to make love to you the way he did two years ago. Everything had been so gentle since you two were last here, and you watched Toji grow into an amazing father. You understood that he treated you like glass because he didn’t want to lose you like he has everyone else. And he was so good to you. But fuck, he was too good sometimes and you wanted that asshole back. 

You pushed yourself into his chest and nudged his face in your direction with your nose, smiling softly as you watched a storm brew in his eyes alone. Your breasts nearly spilled out of the neckline of your dress as you pressed your chest to his. You felt him tense as you licked your way up from his neck to his ear, placing a kiss on the sensitive skin behind it. 

“Toji… I think about it everyday,” you whispered, his grip around your waist tightened as he exhaled sharply, as if he was holding himself back. 

“Do you think about a boy or girl?” He teased, beginning to trace his fingers on your thighs just below the hem of your dress. Your body instinctually moved into his, your words caught in your throat and your eyes lost in his. Toji smirked down at you, watching the way you curled around his finger so easily.

“Hey,” he snapped, taking your chin in a firm hold, “What did I ask you, princess? Stay with me.” 

His other hand that remained just underneath your ass rose a few inches to give it a taught squeeze. He chuckled softly watching you twitch at the sensation. With your chin still in his hand he snapped your face to the left, pressing his nose against your cheek and inhaling deeply, before placing a hard, sloppy kiss to it.

“Tell me.” He pushed your face back so it was an inch away from his, “Do you want me to give you a boy or a girl?” 

The stench of lust stained the walls, the carpets, the bedsheets, your clothes… it stuck to everything. This fucking room made the two of you feral. Toji had you melting in his hands and you wanted him to mold you to fit perfectly to him. Your hands traced down to his chest, feeling the muscles that pulled underneath his fitted black shirt. You took handfuls of the fabric into your fists as you smashed your lips to his, and he reciprocated immediately, like he was a robot built to respond to your commands. His hands flew everywhere, feeling every inch of you. They traced your thighs, slipped under your dress and up your spine, they traced the curves of your breasts and trailed up your neck, before stopping at the back of your head, bringing your face impossibly closer to his. He wanted you to mix together like a forbidden cocktail, whiskey and vodka, dark and light, never to be put together but when they are, they can be deadly. 

You pushed from his unforgiving hold, to look up at him, the two of you breathing heavily, gasping for air like all that was left in the room was sucked out of it. You stumbled backwards as he watched you quizzically, wondering why the fuck you weren’t glued to him right now. You wanted him to see you, fully. So you stopped walking backwards until your legs hit the end of the bed. 

Slowly, your fingers toyed with the hem of your dress, your cheeks heating as Toji smirked and crossed his arms. He watched you with a tilted head and his tongue poking at his cheek, in disbelief that you were his. But his smile dropped when you took hold of your dress and inched it up your soft skin, revealing the lace panties you had been wearing. Then you pushed the silk fabric past your belly button, and Toji could only imagine how that stomach would look big and swollen with his child. You stopped there, and slowly dragged your hands around your stomach, before they rested on top of your womb, your eyes never leaving one another. 

“I don’t care about the gender of the baby… as long as it’s our baby and we take care of it together,” you whispered as you fixed your gaze on Toji’s chest, too nervous to look him in the eye. A primitive feeling ignited within him as he witnessed those words leave your mouth. Someone wanted him, not for dirty work, not to be used, but to love him and share a love with him, he never thought himself capable of feeling compassion for another like this in his life. He wanted to claim you in every sense of the word, fill you up, and burn his name onto your heart. 

“You wanna give me a baby?” He growled from across the room, his shadows reached you from six feet away and enveloped your body, the vibrato of his voice shooting straight to your core. The idea of Toji marking you permanently made your insides curl, wet at the thought of it. Your eyes filled with lust and need, begging him to take you right here. He lost all of his senses as he looked at you turning into a needy little thing for him, breasts supple and on display as they heaved up and down. He imagined how they'd swell and fill with milk for his child, his gaze shot up to your lips, wet as you bit and licked at them, stains of the dark lip liner you had put on before you left, remaining on your skin like a ghost. Then they shot to your eyes, nearly tearing up with need, need to be touched and his completely. Something in you shifted when his gaze softened and his stance relaxed. 

“Fuck… I wanna give you a baby Toji.” You whispered as you felt the first tear roll down your cheek, and within seconds Toji was up against you once more, lips molding to yours and his hands tangled in your hair. The weight and force of him pushed you back as you prepared to hit the bed. You took one of his hands from behind your head and placed it on your stomach, pausing from the kiss to look at him, saying all you needed to tell him with the one stare. 

The rubber band inside of him snapped in that moment, he was madly in love with you, and the way you cared for Megumi so tenderly drove him up a wall. Watching you rock him to sleep, cook him breakfast in the morning, dance carelessly around the living room with him in your arms- he wanted to do it all over again with you, and start at the very beginning this time. He nodded frantically and wordlessly as he laid you back on the bed, pulling the heels off your feet as he crawled over you until he’d pushed you to the head of the bed, eyes never leaving yours. His lips met your collar bone, sucking on the skin that peaked beneath the strap of your dress, you wrapped a hand in his hair and pushed him into your chest as you whimpered, desperate for more.

He pulled his lips from your skin, placing a chaste kiss on the fresh bruise he mouthed onto your chest before placing a strong hand on your stomach, the other bringing itself to your head to make you look at him.  

“Fuck, princess… tell me what you want again.” He whispered, pushing down on the soft skin of your stomach and tracing circles around your belly button with his thumb. Something about that movement turned you feral, as Toji hit all the right spots within you with his words. You crashed your lips into his as you growled into his throat, staking your claim on him. Toji was yours, and you wanted to make sure he knew it. 

“M’hm…” You hummed as you rotate your hips into his thighs, “I wanna have your baby,” Toji squeezed your thighs before he pushed the rest of your dress up above your head, nearly panting as he watching your breasts spill out. He took one nipple into his mouth and the other in his hand, your body arching at the sudden change of pace. He sucked and twirled his tongue around the sensitive bud, the other hard and taught between the rough pads of his fingers. You always loved the way Toji could handle you, he was the only man that was ever able to give you exactly what you needed. It had always been that way, just you and him, becoming experts in each other’s bodies, memorizing every curve and trigger that made one another sing. 

He lifted himself up from your breasts so that his face was hovering above yours and your head was trapped between his arms, he looked at you… and for a second you could’ve sworn you saw sadness wash over his face.

“Tell me what you want me to do to you and I'll do it, tonight you have me completely,” Toji whispered, tracing the contours of your face. You hid in his shadows, unsure what to make of that statement. Your breathing was ragged as you searched his face for the cause of the sudden gloom he casted over the bed you two occupied. You reached up to trace the dips of his jaw and cheekbones, back around his head before your fingers lingered over his lips. 

“Toji, what’s wrong?” You asked wearily, “Don’t I have you completely every other night we spend together?” His gaze saddened, and this time it definitely had. You grew incredibly nervous, because despite the fact that you had Toji for two years… deep, deep down, you knew that he was a force that couldn’t be tamed.  

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered, his forehead dropping to your shoulder. He laid his body weight on top of you, caging you into him as if to protect you from an impending doom. 

“And because I can’t lose you…” Your breath hitched in your throat at his next set of words. You couldn’t let him finish. 

“Toji… no.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around his back and hugging him into you. 

“I’m sorry, I have to.” He shook in your hold, his hand wrapping around the back of your head and pushing it into his neck as you began to sob. You struggled to escape his grasp, you needed to fucking breathe. 

“Toji… get the fuck off of me.” You bit through tears, but he wouldn’t budge. 

“Let fucking go of me!” You pushed, squirming away when you felt him loosen up. You tripped your way out of the bed and hid yourself in the corner of the room, between the big TV and the bathroom. You sheltered your naked body by crossing your arms over your chest and your sobs became uncontrollable. You burned holes into his back as he knelt on the bed with his hands unfolded in his lap, he stared at them, empty and without you in them. 

“I have to leave-“ He began. 

“Shut up.” You whispered, begging him to stop.

“It’s the only way you and Megumi will be safe.” He pushed. 

“I don’t fucking care-“

“You don’t care about my son?” He screamed into the void of the bedsheets, the palms of his hands digging at his weary eyes. The statement shook you, it clawed at the deepest parts of you and ripped them out. Left you gutted. 

“How f-fucking dare you…” You choked, his back was still turned to you. You looked around the room in frantic disbelief, fists punching at your head. “You can at least turn around… and fucking LOOK AT ME… While you tell me that I don’t care about MY SON!”

You were towering above him now, for once in the years you had known this man the power dynamic had shifted. What was different was that you’d experienced another kind of love, and that love left you with a reflex that would cut anyone that threatened it. Toji had been training you up for this moment, the one where he would finally say he was leaving again, and you’d have to be there for Megumi on your own. 

You shoved at his back and he didn’t budge, so you shoved again, and again he didn’t budge. 

“He’s my son too….” You seethed, “ And I will not let you sit there with your back turned to me…” You continued as you rounded the bed so you were facing him. “Just so you can fucking tell me that I don’t care about him!” 

He kneeled as still as a statue, the silence surrounding him almost sickening. And the more you stared at Toji, the more you wanted to laugh. You were not going to fall for his bullshit game again, because in the two years that you’ve loved him you’ve also learned him. 

“You’re a coward, Toji…” You shot to kill. “If you meant what you said you can look me in the eye and say it again.” 

Knowing he wouldn’t budge, you crawled onto the bed and kneeled beneath him, forcing yourself to look up into his eyes. They looked empty. 

“Go ahead and tell me that I don’t love my son, Toji,” you smirked, eyes wild and alight as they were when Toji first set eyes upon you years ago, when he knew he had to have you. You grabbed his chin and tilted it upwards as you crawled into his lap, straddling him so he had nowhere to go, nothing else to look at but you, nothing else to feel but you. You put your lips to his and growled, nothing but heat laced in your words. 

“Be a man… be a father… and tell me that I don’t love my fucking son.” A tear slipped down his cheek, and you could see mountains move in his eyes and you watched the walls of that fortress crack after two years. His hands fell to your hips, locking you in. 

“I can’t,” he whispered, “I can’t tell you that.” Sorrow held heavy in his gaze, as he tried to kiss you with your lips on his. You wouldn’t let him, pushing his face back into place. 

“Then tell me… why you would lie to me Toji,” you asked softly, your sadness, your embarrassment returning. “Why would you leave me again? Have I not been good enough-“

“No,” he cut you off, “No, never.” 

“Then what is it! Tell me why you’re leaving- again!”  You sobbed, your vision of him blurry now. Your hands wrapped around the back of his head as you pulled his body into your bare chest, feeling the wetness of his cheeks against your breasts. You dropped your head into the crook of his neck and sobbed, “What haven’t I done to make you see how much I love you?” 

“It’s not what you didn’t do,” he resolved, “It’s what you did do.” You shook as his fingers kissed up and down your spine. “You have done everything- I could’ve asked for. I am scared of the way I love you… and I am scared of the way you love me.” He tried to pull your face from his neck but you were the immovable statue this time. 

“Look at me,” He says sternly, forcing you from your hiding spot. He places a tender kiss to the corner of your mouth. “I have never loved someone so much. I can’t stay away from you and I think that’ll be our downfall if I don’t leave now. My plan was never to stay, I was going to leave you with Megumi… but god, you’re like a fucking magnet. Of course I stumbled in after him and when I saw you sitting on that bed with him… my fate with you was set in stone, princess.” 

You were a blubbering baby, your hands holding his face as your thumbs rubbed his cheeks back and forth, like they were trying to memorize every scar and curve. You kissed his cheek as he continued, “It is everything you have made me… that’s the reason I have to leave. My work isn’t safe, once they know how soft I’ve become you will be the first people they target.” 

“Toji, I d-don’t care!” You blurted out, “I don’t care… I can take care of myself, I can take care of Megumi. Teach me then, huh? Teach me to f-fight o-o-or use a gun… please Toji… I need you here.” You weren’t even sure of what you were saying, you were just saying anything to keep him here longer. 

“You are all I have left-“ He pushed. 

“As you are to me!” You bit back. 

“Toji, you are all I have… please… please can we try?”

You practically begged, “What about our baby? Was that all just shit to get me to sleep with you one last time? Hm?” 

“No, of course not!” He shot back, words fiery and filled with passion. 

“So you were gonna what? Toji? Knock me up and leave?” You asked silently, holding your eye contact with him. “Because I really wanted- I really wanted to have that with you.” 

He bit back tears, swallowing deeply as you drilled into him. He just shook his head, if he wanted to keep you in his life he had to do this. He had to let you go. He gently pushed you off of him one last time, wincing when he felt you reach for him, your hand gracing his. 

“N-no Toji… no, please,” you begged, his heart tearing as he walked closer to the door, gathering his things slowly. He jolted when he felt your small body press into his back, hugging him from behind and shaking. It took everything in him to fight the urge to place his hand over yours. But feeling you slide to the floor behind him made him turn around to look at you. He had done it, he had broken you, and for the first time in his life he was disgusted that he had done that to someone. 

“Get up,” he choked. 

You refused. 

“Get. Up!” 

“No.”

“I’m not leaving you on the floor like this-“

“Then don’t fucking leave! You asshole!” You screamed at him wildly, smacking at his legs with weak jabs, the picture of a child throwing a tantrum. 

“If you ever loved me or Megumi you would stay!” You cried, “You would stay… and you would try for us…” 

“You can’t say that-“

“Yes I can because it’s true,” you shot your words at him like bullets leaving a gun, short and quick, one after the other. 

“When I agreed to take Megumi under my care… I said I would do it only if you stayed with me. I said I wasn’t going to let you run away. And if you think for a second that I didn’t mean it then you really are fucking dense Fushiguro.” 

Toji’s mouth quirked at the sound of you using his surname, you haven’t done that for a while. He set his sights on you for a reason all those years ago, he knew you were strong, he knew you were unwavering. He just never thought he’d meet someone as stubborn if not more stubborn than him. That’s why he knew you were the one he was going to leave Megumi with. And even now as he looked down at you he knew he made the right decision. You would chase him into the parking lot naked if he made a run for it and he knew that. No one was better for his family than you. His heart dropped when he felt your hand reach up to his, releasing him from his train of thought. You were beautiful. And he was sorry. And stupid for thinking that this wasn’t going to go over without a fight. He tightened his grip on your hand and knelt down to kiss it. Every knuckle. Every fingertip. And he knelt into your touch when you cradled his face.

You saw him make a swift movement from the corner of your eye, and you couldn’t move fast enough when you felt a piece of heavy metal weigh down your hand. In it Toji had placed a gun, you knew he always carried one but he’d keep it concealed around you. So you’d never actually seen it. To be holding it right now… you didn’t know what to do. You watched him as he moved to kneel behind you, his hand never leaving yours that held the revolver. 

You gasped as he brought an arm around your waist, fixing your posture so you were upright. And he adjusted your arms so the gun was pointing at the door of the motel room. His hands laid loosely over yours and his head rested in the crook of your neck. Your breathing grew heavy when he traced from your hand all the way back to your upper arm, fixing its position and propping it up at a 90 degree angle. 

“It’s like a dance, you see.” He whispered into your ear. 

“If you hold it properly, and give it room to move,” he loosened your grip on the trigger. 

“Not too tight, princess…” You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

“It’ll hit all the right steps…” His finger covered yours on the trigger and you felt your heart stop, “and you’ll shoot ‘em dead.” 

“Bang!” Toji mimicked the sound of a gun as you jumped backwards into him and screamed, eyes squeezed shut. But you didn’t feel the reverb of the gun, you didn’t hear anything piercing the wooden door, only the vibration of Toji’s low chuckle in his throat. You turned around to see him propped up on both arms, staring at you in amusement while you stared at him in shock. 

Your hands shook as you examined the gun in your hands, before looking back up at his smiling face. His hands covered yours as he slowly took it out of your grip. 

“What the fuck, Toji?” You whispered, scared as if you’d actually shot something. 

“Safety’s on, sweetheart.” He teased, wrapping an arm around your neck and bringing you into him to place a wet kiss on your mouth. “I’ll let you do the real thing once you start getting good.” 

“What?” You stared at him in disbelief, but he didn’t miss that glimmer of excitement in your eyes. 

“I’ll teach you how to use a gun, I’ll teach you to fight, I’ll teach you whatever you want to know… so we can keep our kid safe.” He whispered, looking down at you with a warm smile on his face. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes…” He whispered, “…I love you.” He added. 

“I love you too,” you almost didn’t believe it. 

“I mean it… I love you.” He repeated, like he could read your mind. But you were still hurt, and angry, and everything bad you could feel you felt. 

“I- prove it to me… that you mean it… I’ve proved myself to you enough tonight Toji… and I won’t stand to be made a fool,” your words bit, and you hope he felt them draw blood. Toji pulled you back into his chest and buried his face in your hair, taking in your scent. 

“You want me to prove it?” He whispered. His hands start to trail up your thighs, his mouth begins to place kisses on your neck. You sighed at his touch, placing your hands over his on your body. 

“Mhm,” you whimpered, leaning into his chest, your body becoming overly sensitive to his movements again. Toji’s hands pushed at your thighs, “Open up for me, princess.” You did as you were told, sliding your feet slowly so they could meet his boots on the carpeted floor, putting your clothed heat on display for him. He continued to draw circles on your thighs, more forcefully now, inching your legs open wider. 

“T-Toji, please,” you choked out, growing impatient. 

“Tell me what you want,” he whispered in your ear, sliding his hand under the waistband of your panties, his cold fingers scorched by your hot skin, “Come on… tell me, pretty girl. Had no problem biting my head off a moment ago.” 

“Fuck you,” you seethed through gritted teeth, trying to amass any pleasure from rutting your hips upwards. 

“Suppose I deserved that,” he chuckled, you could feel his chest shaking against your back. You leaned back into him and swung either of your legs over his highs, opening yourself up wide and demanding he touch you. “Dirty girl, that’s how you got tangled up with me in the first place- were just too damn needy…” His hand slipped under the crotch of your panties and you jerked as he placed his palm flat against you. Toji hissed at the wetness that met his skin, grabbing a handful of the slinky lace into his fist and tearing the cheap fabric off your body, “I’ll have to get you new ones.” 

“Please, Toji, please,” you were practically whimpering, begging for him. Jolting as he slapped your waiting cunt once, catching you off guard as you hissed at him. You placed your hand around his forearm and guided it as he massaged the sting of his strike out. 

“Tell me-“ He began again, letting his fingers slide up and down your folds, collecting all of the wetness before bringing them up to your mouth. You looked up at him behind you and he simply raised a brow, silently suggesting that you knew what to do. You took his hand in yours and dipped your mouth down onto the two fingers he pulled from beneath you, licking and sucking your arousal off of them. 

“Good girl, now tell me…” He pulled his fingers from your mouth and shoved them back down to your weeping heat, this time pushing them in and curling them upwards, holding you in place as your body contracted. 

“T-oji my god!” You gasped at the sudden movement. He shushed you, pressing his lips to your ear as his fingers writhed inside of you, “Shhh… tell me about how you’ve dreamed about giving me another baby,” Toji insisted, a glimmer of that ego shining through as he continued his ministrations, more aggressively this time, beginning to pump two fingers in and out of your cunt. 

“Mph-fuck, Toji please-” His fingers continued, pushing in and out of you, kissing your ear when your head dropped back onto his shoulder.

“Tell me, pretty girl, and I’ll give you more,” he began to speed up, wrapping his spare arm around your torso to hold you flush against him, spreading his thighs further, ensuring that your legs spread with him. You moaned at the action, rutting your hips up into his hand as you gave him what he wanted. 

“I- I’ve dreamed about it since we first bought the house together…” He began to place chaste kisses on your neck, sucking on the supple skin, adding a third finger inside of you. “Fuck… that’s too much To-”

“I think you can take it, how could you have my kids if you can’t even take three of my fingers, princess?” He started to pump slowly, letting you adjust to the size. “Now, go on.”

Your breathing was disorderly, your hands grabbing onto his thighs as you felt yourself swallow the girth of his fingers whole. “Ah- okay… w-we bought the house a-and, I think…” You thought back to the first time you set foot in the house after it was officially yours, you were in love with the Victorian architecture and since you loved it Toji loved it even more. 

“I think watching you paint Megumi’s room that bright blue… seeing you covered in paint… making sure e-everything was perfect for him.” You hadn’t even noticed him speeding up, until he started circling your clit with his thumb and you could’ve sworn you were gonna explode. “Toji- please, I think I’m going to-” 

“Not yet… finish,” he urged and you protested before you felt him land another strike to your clit, “Now.” 

“Oh, my god!” Your eyes crossed when he resumed, your abdomen shaking at the sensation, “W-watching you made me realize t-that… t-that we were going to b-be okay-ah!” The arm around your torso made its way up to your breasts, pinching and twisting at your nipples. “...It made me realize t-that I want to be in this- w-with you…hmph… for a long t-time…” You looked up at him with pursed eyebrows and your mouth agape, finding him already staring at you. His face was warm, your entire being felt warm. And then he sped up, fingers pounding in and out of you, his mouth dropping back down to your neck to litter it with hickies, your legs grew stiff and you frantically jutted up into the palm of his hand. 

“Toji- fuck! Please, please-”

“Tell. Me.” He growled, not letting up on his movements.

“I-I- oh fuck… I realized that I wanted to be with you… f-forever, To-ji. I wanted to h-have more kids w-with you a-and raise a f-amily…” Your eyes held his and you felt your toes curl and your insides turn. His mouth connected with yours, holding your jaw in place, as he growled into your mouth.

“Cum.”

You saw stars as his grip on your jaw tightened, swallowing all of your moans, all of your cries, and drinking them like they were a forbidden elixir. He held your legs open with his, pumping in and out of you relentlessly as he held your shaking body. You felt his length, hard against the small of your back, and you lost it completely when you felt him needily rutting up into you through his black denim. “Fuck Toji! I’m cumming. I’m cumming- ah!” 

You two were a sweaty bundle of bodies, desperately rutting into each other, trying to be impossibly close to one another. You reached an arm around his neck and drew him into a wet kiss, hungrily biting and sucking on his lips, his tongue, any inch of him you could take in. 

“More. Toji, please, I need you more.” You begged when his fingers finally released you. You wanted each other in ways you never had before, this time was… different. This time you two were consummating your own version of a fucked-up marriage. In sickness and health. In life and death. You would have each other completely. You felt how needy he was, the scent of your arousal on his mouth, on his hands, lingering everywhere, it turned him into an animal. You turned to face him and helped him out of his clothes. Peeling the shirt off his sweaty body as he kicked his boots off, licking a stripe up his abdomen with heaving breaths, your eyes never leaving him as you panted for him, need dripping off your tongue. Once you got to his neck, you began to leave bite marks along his collarbone, his jaw, your bare cunt rutting into his crotch, growling at the cotton boxer-briefs that kept skin from skin. Toji’s hands grazed over your body, tracing every curve and valley, letting you devour him, take him, do what you wanted with him. 

“Take these off,” You breathed against his neck, fingers pulling at the waistband of the boxers, he chuckled, grabbing you by the back of the head and forcing your eyes to meet his, “As you wish, mama.” 

Sure, there were partners before Toji, and the sex was fine. But no one had ever made you act the way he made you act. You were a partnership of two antagonists, just prodding and poking at each other to see who could make the other crazier. You were sure that tonight, Toji would win. 

Mama.

You saw stars at the word and he knew it. Toji watched your eyes grow as dark as his in seconds, trailing his every movement as he lifted his hips up and slid his boxers down his legs. You watched his cock smack his stomach, so rock hard it looked like it hurt. You needed him in cynical, territorial ways. As did he to you. 

“If you don’t put a baby in me right now Fushiguro…” His eyes widened at the vulgarness of your demand. He watched you kneel just feet away from him, observed the way your chest was heaving up and down, the locket he gifted you, the one you never took off, moving with it. He noticed the way your breasts looked heavier, nipples puffier. He noticed your arousal dripping down your thigh, he had never seen you so wet. And lastly, he noticed the way your hands guarded your stomach, as if they were guarding your precious womb until he came around to mark it. 

“Get on your back,” he barked, climbing over to you swiftly, not giving you time to follow his directions on your own as he had you laid down against the carpet in seconds. He licked his lips as he watched you draw your bitten lips into your mouth, waiting for him to do something.

“Tonight I am going to fucking worship you,” he growled, smashing his lips to yours, jamming his tongue down your throat and licking you everywhere unholy. His lips trailed down your breasts, your stomach, and he stopped above your thighs, leaving bite marks all the way down. He blew a puff of air onto your sticky heat, before teasing you with a small lick. The second your thighs flew upwards his hands held them down, gripping onto the fat like they were lifesavers. He stuck his tongue in your folds, firmly tracing circles around your clit and following the patterns of your vulva. 

“Toji!” You screamed, almost as if you wanted him to stop. But that couldn’t be further from the truth, you needed him to keep going. One of your hands tangled in his hair as the other held onto his, your body writhing like a fish out of water as he continued to suck and pull at your core, groaning into you every time you rode your hips against his face. 

“I-I can’t, please I’m-” You gasped for air, desperately moving your body up and down with his mouth, riding out the waves of pleasure he was giving you. Your body was still sensitive from  your orgasm just moments ago, you felt like you could burst at any moment. But Toji didn’t stop, he kept blowing air onto your clit, fucking you with his tongue and biting the soft skin around your mound. He reached up to grab hold of one of your breasts, squeezing and pinching as he himself ground into the carpet he laid upon. Your moans and your taste were his jet fuel, and he was getting off to every second of it. You watched his ass flex as he repeated his movements, drawing circles into the carpet with his cock. The sight of him desperately humping nothing sent you over the edge, screaming as you pulled at his hair, your thighs closing around his head.

“TojiohmygodI’mcummingfuck!” Your words came out a sloppy mess, unable to do anything but praise him for being so good to you. He continued to place kisses on your inner thighs until you were done riding out your high, your body finally falling back to the floor. 

“Feel okay?” He asked calmly, rising to his knees as your body occasionally twitched in your post-orgasmic euphoria. He ran his hands up and down your torso, gently massaging once he got down to your pelvic bones, working out the knots and work you had just put in to getting off on his face. He knelt down to kiss you deeply, tenderly this time, inhaling your scent and running his hand over your head.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. His eyes searching for answers in yours, “I’m sorry,” he uttered, digging his forehead into the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry I tried to run away, you don’t deserve that.”

“Toji… I- I love you.” He kissed your forehead, his hand hitching themselves underneath your thighs, watching your eyebrows furrow together while he inched your knees up slowly.

“This comfortable?” He asked you for reassurance again and you nodded, and he pushed a little further, until your knees nearly touched your shoulders, you winced a little at the stretch of it, inhaling and exhaling deeply as he waited for you to adjust. When you open your eyes he’s looking down at you, kissing the insides of your calves and massaging them. 

“It hurts a little?” He asks again gently and you nod. He chuckles quietly as he leans down to kiss you, you inhale sharply as he puts pressure on your legs, stretching your hamstrings even more than intended.

“If I’m gonna put a baby in you, this is the best way, princess.” 

His words ran straight to your core, and you nodded frantically, feeling like a teenager having sex for the first time. So eager to feel him. This time with Toji felt different, call it- fucking with intention. Both of you felt the thickness of the air, you knew how much this meant. He placed a chaste kiss to your lips before whispering against them, “Let me know if you need me to stop.” 

Your eyes nearly crossed at the suggestion of him fucking you so hard you’d need to call it in, you just wanted to feel him already, “Mhm… Toji, please.”

His head dropped to your chest as you wrapped your arms around his neck, gripping him tighter when you felt his tip prop itself at your entrance. He laid his body flat against yours, you screamed at the burning in your legs, folded back against you with the weight of his body, but you wanted more. His arms caged your head in on either side and that was when you felt it. Toji watched the way your face contorted, your mouth dropping and eyes squeezing shut as he filled you at an angle he never had.

“Fuuuck,” he exhaled, inching his length into you further and further. He felt you claw at his back, skin sticking under your fingernails as you groaned with him, two animals fucking to conceive. The most primitive state of the human, fucking to reproduce, to bear offspring, to grow a family. 

“Toji-”

“Yes, princess,” he cut you off, “Oh fuck,” he gasped, bottoming out inside you, before hoisting your waist up to his and slinging your legs over his shoulders.

“T-Toji I’m so full!” You whined, grabbing onto his thighs folded on the floor as he knelt before you, buried deep in your cunt. 

“I know, baby, I know… be good and let me put a baby in you, okay?” He asked, placing kisses to your calves once again. You panted, nodding up at him while he made his first move. You groaned as he pulled himself out, before splitting you back open and bottoming out once again, “Fuck Toji, I need-” 

You felt it snap inside you again, whatever it was that made you feral, foaming at the mouth for the feeling of him inside you. “Toji I need you to fuck me…” You ground your hips into his, grasping at anything to give you leverage on his length. He looked down at you wearily, always so delicate, so fragile, “I don’t know if I should-”

“Fuck, Toji! Stop treating me like I’m glass and fuck me!” His eyes grew dark at your words, but still a glint of remorse held him back. You smacked at his chest, then looked down to remember that he was balls deep inside you, he seemed to remember at the same time because his stare turned wicked, “Look at me, Toji... I need you to fuck me baby.” 

You felt him begin to pick up his pace, slowly but surely rutting into you, fucking you deeper and deeper with every thrust. “F-uck, Toji!” Your mouth dropped as you watched a string of spit leave his mouth and drip on to where his cock and your cunt met, you gasped for air when he reached down to spread it around, lubing you up and preparing to go deeper, “T-oji, TojiTojiTojiii, please baby.”

“Yes, pretty girl. Fuck yes.” He gritted through his teeth, groaning at the way your tits bounced with every thrust, he reached out and cupped one in his hand, “Fuck, your tits are gonna be so full in a few months…” Your eyes rolled back at the way he groped it, playing with your nipple. Then your eyes fell to where you two connected and his gaze followed, the two of you watching Toji reappear and disappear inside of you, your wetness covering his cock, and his arousal being shoveled deeper and deeper inside of you.

You squealed as he thrusted harder, laying on top of you and rutting down into your heat. “Go ahead and touch yourself for me,” Toji instructed, and so you did. And a familiar feeling began to bubble up in your stomach, and for the third time that night Toji would ruin you. 

“Toji, please oh fuck-” He brought a hand up to your sweaty forehead, blowing air on it to cool you down, he then took your hand and placed it on your stomach, smirking as your eyes widened at what you felt.

“Feel that? Feel me inside of you?” He whispered, kissing you swiftly, feeling himself come close. You were a mess of moans and whines and you couldn’t even begin to explain the things that Toji was making you feel.

“Y-yes… yesyesyesdaddyIfeelit!” You cried as you circled your clit faster and pulled him closer, “Fuck yes! Right there baby, fuck me right there!” 

Toji growled, his hands now clawing at your thighs, the picture of two animals fucking wildly. Something sent him tipping past sanity as he pushed your legs all the way back, your ass up in the air as he thrusted down into you.

“Call me that again…” He seethed, grinning cynically at the way your eyes glazed over, his hand wrapped itself around your throat, enough to let you breathe. The sensation was overbearing, you started writhing underneath him, squirming and twitching while he kept his pace.

“F-uck,” you choked out, cracking what smile you could with Toji’s hand restricting you, “I want you to fill me up, Daddy.” Toji saw red, and blue, and every color that you helped him see in the past two years, and he fucked them all back into you. He kissed you with tenacity, lips tangled with lips and limbs tangled with limbs.

“I’m close,” he seethed.

“Me too,” you whispered.

“Boy or girl, tell me and I’ll fill you,” he whispered against your lips, saliva, snot and sweat mixing as you two breathed heavily into each other's mouths. Toji’s neck turned red the longer he held in his orgasm, the veins of his arms popping as he held you tightly, maneuvering you so you were in the perfect position to receive him. 

“I told you I don’t care,” you whispered back, feeling yourself close to the brink, tears forming in your eyes, “I told you I d-don’t care as long as I raise them with you.”

He smiled, “Pick a wild card.”

You smiled back.

“Girl,” you whispered. With your arms holding him closely against you, Toji began to writhe, his abdomen jerking in and out as he tried to control the strength of his orgasm.

“Fuck!” He screamed, fucking his seed into you, filling you up with himself. You pulled his face to yours and kissed him tenderly while you felt yourself clench around his length, milking him and riding out another orgasm of your own. 

“Yes,Toji! Yesyesyes!” You wrapped your legs around his torso and held him there, feeling his body twitch as he continued to shoot loads of himself into you. Your body shook as you took everything he had to give you, placing your hands atop his as he held your legs back, the two of you watching him push every drop that fell out back in. 

To think that you and Toji would end up here, there was a time when he was nothing but a fuck buddy to you, and you to him, now you desired something so intimate, so binding to his being. You couldn’t help but laugh breathlessly in his arms, and with that he looked down at you, smiling. Toji admittedly never smiled a lot before he met you, but as he looked down at you, he couldn’t be happier to smile in your presence. 

“Do you think we… got it?” You asked him, out of breath.

He raised his eyebrows, “You would doubt my work?” You smacked his chest and pushed him off of you, attempting to stand up but finding yourself weak in the knees. Toji approached you from behind and lifted you up slowly, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into him.

“I think we should try the bed out next,” he whispered, “See if it’s still any good?” 

You looked up at him in disbelief, “You want to do that again?” 

“You don’t?” He smirked.

“Well I-” You thought for a second while you melted into his hold, “I don’t not want to do that again.” He emitted a dark sound, while kissing the top of your head, and leading you step by step over to the old mattress. 

“Remember the first time we had sex here? I think I tied you to the headboard,” he suggested casually. Your hands tensed around his before you spun yourself around to face him, wanting to smack him, grin and all. He pushed himself into you and grabbed handfuls of your ass, lifting you up into him and taking in the sight.

“For old times sake, princess,” he persisted. Your tongue pushed at the inside of your cheek as you considered the idea. You supposed mother’s had to have fun too.

“...Just this once, asshole.”

“God, I love it when you call me that.”

© 2023 mitsery - do not repost my work to any other platforms

[goingmerryfics]

Hello!! I recently found your blog and I love it!! ❤️

I was wondering if I could request something!

Kid, Mihawk and Law with a partner who’s into gothic clothing. uwu

Gothic style S/O w/ Kid, Mihawk & Law

Content: Gender Neutral reader, SFW!

Notes* Glad to have you! Thanks for the request :) Out of anyone, I think these three would be the most accepting/understanding of someone with this style and even indulge in it a bit themselves so I tried to make this a little more personal to each character. That being said, I feel like they turned out a little shorter than normal, but I hope you still enjoy it!

Kid

He wouldn’t even bat an eye if this was a regular thing to be dressed in gothic style. It’s pretty common around the crew, and even if it wasn’t, Kid appreciates the aesthetic of the style

He also just doesn’t give a shit what you wear as long as you can do your job

Looking good while doing it is also a plus

For that reason, he would help you out with your makeup for sure. Not that he has much experience with it in the first place, but he just likes any excuse to look at your lips

On the other hand, if your weren’t introduced to him in black and chains, he wouldn’t recognize you if you just up and changed your wardrobe

You walk out of your room in your new style, the one you’ve been wanting to try for years and never had the bravery to out of fear of judgement

But after joining the Kid Pirates, it didn’t feel so scary to go outside of the world’s expectations

“Who the fuck are you!? How’d you get on my ship!?”

After managing to convince him not to just throw you overboard, he does the unthinkable

“Oh. You look good. Better than that boring shit you used to wear.”

He compliments you

Kid will pick at your outfits and give unsolicited advice on how to coordinate or style your clothing

He isn’t one for making jewelry, but he might try if you can’t find anything that would match your clothes

Mihawk

No comment from him. You’d have to outright ask him what he thought, and even then it would be a short answer

“Yes, it’s a good look on you.”

He isn’t actually looking at you when he answers, but it’s genuine

You’d find him staring at you quite often, though

He enjoys the style on you, especially since his style is very close/similar to gothic

He respects your backbone for sticking to what makes you happy, and he’ll encourage you to stick up for yourself if anyone has anything to say about your look

Honestly, he’s seen people look and dress a lot worse, so he doesn’t see why anyone should be making unnecessary comments

Despite being a man of few words, he would still compliment your outfits every time

He, having a eye for the fashion, would also help you coordinate and mix up your clothing items and accessories to freshen up the looks

“That won’t do. We need to get you some earrings that will match this.”

It’s such a sweet way to spend the time that you two have together

Law

Law gets whiplash at first

His emo phase is coming back to him all at once and he’s cringing internally

But despite his own emotional setbacks, he is happy if you feel comfortable dressing this way

He’s very level-headed, so there’s not going to be a very big reaction out of him right away

His perception of you hasn’t changed, and it won’t anytime soon

“Express yourself however you like, just make sure you don’t alter the uniform too much.”

He’ll warn you that the crew might ask some dumbass questions or make rude comments

He also will ask you some questions, very carefully, not wanting to sound ignorant

He would come to your aid if you needed support, especially within his own crew

If you’re the type to wear a lot of make-up, he’ll be on your ass about cleaning your face every night 

He’d even help you do a skin care routine to make sure you were taking care of yourself!

If you bother him enough, he’ll start to do it with you, too

Gets you stuff that remind him of you, things he believes may align with your style

All in all, he’s pretty indifferent to the style, and may even be open to dipping back into it a little bit

He looks great in eyeliner, but damn it he keeps smudging it

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

hi! how are ya? I just drop in your blog and I just sooo in love! I was wondering if you could write hcs of dating Gwen stacy from spiderverse? thanks a lot!!!

(sure I can! I must warn you though this turned into a fic.)

Dating Gwen Stacy

You guys met in her dimension

You guys had to be good friends before you guys even considered dating

It's either a slow burn, or a love at first sight she tried to avoid

I don't even think she knew it was love at first, she saw you, felt something and tried to stay away from it

But then she couldn't, and you guys took time to be one good friends

When she first noticed she had feelings for you it was awkward as hell

She didn't know what to do about them at all

Was staring at you as you talked, and tried to play it off laughing awkwardly when you caught her

But most of all she just wanted to be around you

Makes time the best she can even if it's for a little bit

When you guys did get together, it was hella awkward at first

She still didn't know what to do

It was a very slow process she needed to get comfortable with

But it was the absolute best when you guys got the hang of it

Cheek kisses, hand holding, regular kisses

I feel like she loves hugs from behind, especially surprise hugs because she instantly knows it's you

Doesn't matter who's hugging who from behind, she loves either way

She leaves a lot of clothes at your place

Because she is constantly doing quick changes she leaves clothes everywhere

You found out she was Spider-Woman

She did not want to tell you at all, especially because so many people thought she murdered Peter

So when you found out she was terrified, was about to leave as quickly as she could

She is the one to run away before she can get hurt, or leave before the chance to be hurt even comes around

You stopped her though, and she is forever grateful you did when you did

Cause she didn't know if she was even gonna come back

Sneaks into your bed after a fight as Spider-Woman

Or if something happened with her dad

She didn't talk, she just wanted to be by you in bed

She got so close to you every time because she wanted to know you would still be there when she went to sleep and woke up

There were very rare times she cried

But when she did, you were always there to hold her or comfort her or just be there while she cried it out

She secretly loved that

You guys are very much so teen love

You guys sneak out to see each other, run around the city, have no idea what you guys are doing most of the time but just glad to be together

Hiding out in abandoned places or on the rooftops of buildings are your dates

Or sometimes you guys will go to a cafe, but she likes small and little dates

A little hopeless romantic I'm not gonna lie

She can sit between your legs and have you play with her hair for solid hours

She remembers very small details about you

Like if you pick at your hands or nails, will hold your hands to help you out with that habit

You like some drink or some specific food?

She gets it for you everytime

Favorite color, animal, how you create to certain things, how you like your stuff arranged, she remembered every small detail

She is a very teasing partner

Doesn't outright say I love you even if she wanted to

It took a long time to say she did

Let's you steal her clothes while she steals yours

Your closets are just combined at this point

Will sit and let you mess around with her hair, she's just glad to stare at you with a smile when you do

Likes watching movies on the couch with you all the time

Movie marathons with just her head on your lap, laying down and you both throwing commentary at the screen

Kiss her forehead or her lips while her head is in your lap

Trust me. Do it.

Can talk about absolutely anything and everything with you

But the most important moments in your relationship are the quiet ones

Like when she shows up at your door, just standing there

Don't say anything and just take her in

Those are stuff that mean the most to her

You guys goof off constantly

Doing each other's homework in subjects one sucks in but the other is great in

You guys cannot take anything seriously

You were her absolute embodiment of her own vision of her own true love

She didn't think you would come along when she was going through tough times, but she's glad you did

She would've stayed with you forever

Would've

She had to leave you behind in her universe, she didn't want to, but with her dad, she did

She didn't see you for a long time, and your last goodbye wasn't meant to be a goodbye

She was in the Spider Society, and she refused to go back

One, because of her dad

And two, because she couldn't face you after leaving you behind with no warning for months

Until more shit went down with Miles, and Miguel sent her home

She had to face her dad, and she had to face you

You thought your eyes were failing you, dtsnding in your doorway.

You wanted to believe, you wanted to. You hoped for months this would happen, but once it did you couldn't move.

Gwen, your Gwen, stood in your room.

The Gwen you spent so long loving, comforting and holding when she and you both needed it.

The Gwen that left without a trace, with a goodbye that wasn't meant to be goodbye.

So you could only stare at her, watching her anxious face as you stared with a blank face, her eyes scanning you over in all the differences and similarities since she had left.

"I know. I know- it's bad." Gwen stumbled over her words, walking forward a step as she held her hands out.

"But- (Name)." Gwen tried once again, more panicked at your silence than your yelling or your words.

Gwen panicked even more as you finally moved, letting go of the door handle to walk closer to her.

"Look! I know you hate me, I would too!" Gwen kept talking, refusing to walk backwards as you got closer and closer.

"But I didn't mean to leave, honest!" Gwen stated, words faster and faster as you now stood right in front of her.

"Oh, come on! Say something!" Gwen exclaimed, your silence scaring her as you merely stared.

You stared right at her, never looking away as her face begged for you to say anything.

You merely sighed, a more angry and relieved one, quickly pulling Gwen into a hug, much to her shock, holding onto her like you would lose her.

Gwen froze, her arms frozen at her sides, hesitant to do anything as she felt your head in her neck, no sound but your breathing and no movement but the rising of your chest.

Gwen slowly, but surely wrapped her arms around your back, her own eyes filled with fear and somewhat comfort as she finally could hold and be held by you again.

"I thought you were dead." You finally spoke up, your words muffled by Gwen's shoulder.

"And I thought you would hate me." Gwen quipped back, holding the back of your head and her arm around your waist as she reveled in your touch.

"I do." You stared, both scaring Gwen and relieving her, knowing she deserved it, just confusing her too.

"Then why-" Gwen tried, confused as her words failed her, you pulled back from her hold slightly, able to look at her with more than a blank face.

"...I'm more happy you came back. I'll yell at you later." You stated, your eyes washing over her face, hesitantly reaching up a hand to hold her cheek.

You moved slow, Gwen noticed. Almost afraid and hesitant to touch her, like she was glass or that she would be gone when you did.

Gwen slowly nodded, sniffling herself as she couldn't help but give a small smile, her hand coming up to hold your wrist.

A lot of shit happened, Gwen knew that. And she didn't deserve to come back to you like nothing happened.

But Gwen needed you, she knew that.

And maybe, she would be selfish once.

Because she was back with you.

And Gwen missed you.

[devourers-of-god]

hii i love your blog, thank you for keeping the sf fandom alive with your amazing writing 🤍

can i request what it would be like if sal’s s/o was also his college roommate? like they both left nockfell successfully without the whole incident at the apartments and went to college together. how would it be for them from the domestic goofy shenanigans to the more deep emotional stuff, like since they share a room they’d be there for him during his nightmares and moments of insecurity 💔 aghhh i love him sm

Hii thank you for the compliments and for being sweet 😞🩷 sorry for inactivity!!! Also I already wrote this but when I tried to publish it didn’t work and erased my work. So this is second take of making this post ! (I’m going to throw my phone in a lake)

WHAT LIVING WITH SAL FISHER IS LIKE

Type: headcanons

Warnings: sh mention

- the dorm always smell like food because you guys have cooking nights often (except when you guys buy take out because you’re LAZY!!!)

- wine date nights even if he doesn’t like to drink, he does it for you. He also make charcuterie boards to go along with it.

- plays guitar for you and also plays composed songs made for you.

- pillow forts >>>

- the messiest/ prettiest dorm you’ll see: the messy room adds a huge charm to it.

- whenever he has a nightmare , you help him calm down while brushing his hair with your fingers, you hum his favourite song and you make sure he falls asleep after.

- when he feel like sharing what happened in his nightmare, you reason him by explaining that it’s just a nightmare and it won’t happen in real life.

- he paints your nails sometimes

- you guys dorm is a safe place for friends.

- you encourage him to take off his mask more often around you, and you always comfort him and shower him with compliments when he does so.

- you help Sal not relapsing with his self harm. You always help him in moments of crisis.

- you caress his face when you guys watch movies on the couch.

- after a series of weeks clean from self harm, you take him out to dinner or make his favourite food:)

OKI GUYS! Hope you liked😭 I’m sorry this is short I’m currently at work but I really wanted to post since it’s been a while !!!! I love you all guys

REQUESTS: ALWAYS OPEN!!!

[abyssruler]

DOTTORE REQUEST TIME!!!!!!

i may be projecting a bit here but what abt….. a reader who is ill but has an intense phobia of anything medical related, sort of like a hurt/comfort situation? i am physically licking your blog rn. 🕺

an apple a day

dottore x gn!reader

a sick person with intense fear of anything medical related and a doctor with a bit too much homicidal tendencies are locked in a room together. it goes about as well as you would expect — which is to say, not at all. exceptions can be made, however, such as when the sick person is the homicidal doctor’s significant other.

fluff(?), soft dottore, mentioned death and unethical methods (among other stuff) but this is a dottore fic it’s practically a staple

anon, i’m sorry, i know you said hurt/comfort but i am physically unable to write dottore in any genre other than crack, comedy, dark, or spicy stuff. i did try my best tho!

He doesn’t like it when you rebel against him, even less when you get sick. It’s hard to decipher the expression he has on at the moment, but you’ll settle for exasperated.

“I don’t want it!” you yell, cowering in the corner of your bed and raising the blanket up to your mouth.

Dottore stands beside your bed with a pill and a glass of water in both hands. He’s been at it for hours, trying to convince you to drink the medicine he personally made to suit your tastes after you said you didn’t like how bitter medicine always tasted.

“It’s either this or an injection. My patience is running thin, pet.” His voice held the promise of being true to his words. No matter how much it should make you see sense, all you could think about was how that pill would get stuck in your throat and then you’d be subjected to the awful and bitter aftertaste of it, even though he already said it shouldn’t taste that bad.

A shiver runs through you, feeling cold even with two layers of blankets settled on top of you. Your head feels like it’s about to explode, your nose stuffed and throat dry. You know you should just suck it up and drink the pill, but even the thought of doing so makes anxiety creep to your chest. It’s irrational and stupid, Dottore said as much, and he’s right, but as much as you want to be able to just get on with it so you can finally get some much needed sleep, you just can’t. You physically can’t. It feels like your insides are going to twist itself every time you imagine going through with it.

“Or would you prefer one of my segments do this in my place?” He asks, threatens, more like. He knows how rough his younger selves are compared to him, knows that you realize exactly what having them here in his stead would mean. The younger ones would give you a warning just to be nice, a sentiment they don’t offer anyone else, before pinning you down the bed and plunging a needle through your skin to get it over with. Perhaps the older ones would be more gentle with you considering how you feel about it all, but they’re still far less patient than Dottore himself.

You groan in displeasure, feeling stubborn tears well in your eyes at how unfair he’s being. Throwing your blanket over your head, you close your eyes and try and blink the tears away, sniffling as your nose became more runny than it did before. Hiding yourself under the blankets isn’t going to solve anything — it certainly won’t instantly heal your sickness — but it does show how displeased you are with him.

Dottore hums at your behavior. You’re lucky he treasures you as much as he does, else you would have ended up as extra parts in a machine. Anyone else who dared to treat him like this would have met a slow, painful death, and that’s only if he decides they should be granted the luxury of it.

The side of your bed dips with the weight of another person. “What will I have to do to get you to drink your medicine, hm?”

You peek your head from beneath the covers, finding him staring at you, the impatience gone from his eyes. You purse your lips, “I don’t want the pill.”

“And what it is that you want?”

You startle at the question. Thinking for a moment, you recall a memory from your childhood, back in the days when all they had you drink for medicine was—

“Syrup,” you say, blinking up at him almost hopefully. “Something easy to swallow and doesn’t taste bad.”

He reaches a hand to idly twirl a strand of your hair in his finger. “Any other requests?”

“Um, raspberry flavored maybe?”

“Shall I add any sedatives?”

You glare, narrowing your eyes at him in warning. “The last time you did that, I was delirious for a week.”

He grins, showcasing rows of sharp teeth and sounding utterly unapologetic as he says, “Apologies.”

“I mean it. Don’t add anything suspicious to it, okay?” You grab his hand, squeezing it threateningly despite the state you’re in. He gazes down at you with amusement.

“Of course, whatever my pet wants.”

“And stop calling me your pet, people will think it’s some weird kink.”

Dottore’s lips twist, an almost teasing lilt to it — or as teasing as he can be. “Isn’t it, though?”

“I’m gonna blow my nose on you.”

He laughs.

[lace-coffin]

Hi, I hope you're doing well, but can I request a headcanon where Bubba had a bad day and was a little sad and S/O starts giving him kisses and hugs to make him feel better. I like your blog so much!

Thank you so much for your sweet words! I’m glad your enjoying my stuff < 3

Reader comforting Bubba on a bad day

Gn!Reader x Bubba Sawyer

Requests are open!

You can see it in the way her shoulders sag like the weight of the world is being held on them, more out of it than usual and despondent. Even people as upbeat as bubba have bad days.

Unsurprisingly being the main bread (or meat lmao) winner for the family can be a big job, mentally and physically. He knows he’s doing it for his family, they need to eat, it’s not optional with the limited resources they have but..sometimes it’s so hard to disconnect from the people they kill. despite only being meat to the sawyer’s, bubba knows that they’re a loved to someone else, a sister, a mother, a new dad maybe.

They understand the weight of loosing a loved one, the entire family essentially falling apart at the seams when nubbins passed. It makes her sick knowing she’s responsible for the same heartache she’s experienced first hand. But is it truly her fault? Without him providing food his family will starve and he can’t bare to loose anyone else.

On days like these it’s best to keep her distracted, play games with the family if you can convince Drayton to begrudgingly join in. (He’ll do it for bubba but won’t admit it) preparing meals for him is a good idea, she’s unable to even look at the meat knowing the origin of it when she’s feeling like this. Try to make dinner more vegetable based on these days, you can even harvest the vegetables from the garden as an activity to take her mind off it. Don’t let chop help though unless you want to watch him throw dirt at his little sibling. He’ll clear off if you threaten to put an earthworm in his plate lol.

Insist on helping them with the dishes in the evening, dancing stupidly to music on the old crackly radio as you scrub. Thank him for his help and place little kisses on his cheeks, basking in his warmth like you’re the only two people in the world. safe in the sanctuary of the kitchen.

This regularly leads to clumsily slow dancing to unfitting music on whatever station you found first. Neither of you actually know how to slow dance, more just leaning into eachother and waddling side to side but you don’t care enough to learn, just happy to be held.

Eventually it’s time for bed, both of you exhausted, you from doing the brunt of the housework and bubba carrying that post depression exhaustion. Undoing the mask comes next, it’s not an easy feat. Bubba isn’t sure whether she feels more or less herself in the mask, unable to express herself without but bound to one expression in.

Gently pry the mask off and sit in front of the mirror with them, walk them through your favourite parts. Trace the bump of his nose, slightly crooked from a tussle with a victim, never quite healing right. Cup his warm full cheeks and dust them with kisses and praise. Tease your thumb over her plump lips, tell her they remind you of a cherub, sent from heaven just for you.

If you can love bubba than there must be something worth loving about himself, he thinks.

Being the big spoon is a good idea in these moments, let them feel small and protected under you, tracing over their curves and freckles gently, making them whine and shiver. She’ll never completely forgive herself for the things she’s done but it helps that you see beauty in her, the love, the compassion, the emotion. She just wishes she could see those things in herself on hard days.

For now this is enough, the coziness of your body blending into his until it’s unidentifiable where you begin and bubba ends. In some ways it already feels like you’re becoming part of eachother the longer you bond and the deeper you fall. You fall asleep after whispering a hushed “I love you” into their hair and receiving bubba’s sleepy equivalent of the same. Today was tiresome but the sun will rise again over the homestead, bathing the two of you in warm light and readying you for another day in eachother arms.

[little-svt]

FEMME-READER | GRUMPS & FLUFF

Wc: 653

Taglist: @pastel-princess-please @kiki-woo @fishsquishh

Smiley

“I just had it!” Seungcheol growled through gritted teeth as he threw the cushion from the sofa to the floor alongside the drawers he had pulled out from the cabinet. He was sure he just had your favourite plushie in his hand. You had trusted him in washing your plushie after you had accidentally spilled some juice onto it and now here he was, tearing his place apart trying to find it. He cursed under his breath each time he looked at a potential hiding spot, only to be met with nothing.

Eventually, after still not being able to locate your precious plushie, Seungcheol sat down on the sofa and let out a sigh as he rubbed his hand over his face. How would he tell you? He didn’t have time to order a new one and even if he did, he couldn’t just leave you on your own without telling you where he was heading to. The image of you crying and pouting brought a slight pain to his chest, and he hung his head in shame, his hands tugging at his hair in annoyance.

“Daddy…?” A small voice pulled him out of his pity party, and he looked up at you. You had insisted on washing yourself up and you stood in the doorway all dressed up in your favourite pyjamas. Your hair was still slightly damp from your shower and your face looked shiny and clean. Seungcheol can’t help the small smile that grows as he looked at your confused face and he held his hand out to beckon you over. Once you waddled over to him, he took your hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. He let out a nervous sigh and his smile soon turned back into his infamous pout.

“Baby… I am so, so sorry… I lost your plushie. I had them in my hand and put them down for a second and it’s almost like they got up and walked away because now I can’t find them. I promise you I will keep looking and if I can’t find them at all then daddy will buy you as many plushies as you want just to make it up to you.” He rambled and he finished with a sigh. “I’m sorry for being a bad daddy.” He added. You copied your daddy’s pout and knocked his hands away before throwing yourself at him in a tight hug. Cheol can feel one hand start to play with his hair whilst the other rubbed down his back, you had clearly picked this up from when he comforted you.

“It otay daddy, you not bad.” You said softly, nuzzling your face into his cheek.

“But princess… I lost your favourite plushie.” Cheol pouted more.

“You didn’t mean to ‘nd I lose stuff sometimes, but you don’t get mad.” You said, pulling away from the hug and shrugging your shoulders. Cheol can’t help but smile at your little shrug and he pulled you back into his arms, planting sweet kisses to your cheek.

“I really have the best baby in the world huh?” He asked. You let out a giggle and planted a loud kiss onto his cheek before wiggling out of his arm. Seungcheol watched as you skipped out into the kitchen. He watched you skip off and his smile grew. Sometimes, he really couldn’t believe how lucky he was. He had been panicking so much, thinking you’d be mad or upset with him but was pleasantly surprised at your reaction.

Soft giggles pulled him out of his thoughts, and he tilted his head in confusion. He got up and leaned against the doorway.

“What’s so funny princess?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest. You look up and point into the fridge.

“(Plushie Name) is in the fridge!” You said before shrieking with laughter. Cheol’s eyes widened at that but he couldn’t help but laugh along with you.

🧸Endnote: Welp it’s been like 50 years since I’ve posted anything on my own sksksk and I had to start again with soft soft cheolie sigh…. I love him so much 🥹🥹🥹 I hope everyone is doing okay, staying safe and healthy and thank you to everyone who supports us and this blog it means the world. ~ 👑🐰💛

🧸Masterlist🧸

[steve-rambo-leaks]

ＺＩＮＥ　ＣＯＮＴＥＳＴ　（ｗｉｔｈ　ｐｒｉｚｅ）（≧▽≦）

Ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ａ　Ｚｉｎｅ　ｃｏｎｔｅｓｔ　ｆｒｏｍ　ＮＯＷ　ｕｎｔｉｌ　Ｆｅｂ　２４ｔｈ　（ａｕｔｉｓｍ　ｈｏｌｉｄａｙ）．　Ｐｌｓ　ｒｅａｄ　ｍｏｒｅ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｈｏｗ　ｔｏ　ｓｕｂｍｉｔ，　ｔｈｅ　ｐｒｉｚｅｓ　ａｎｄ　ｗｈｙ　Ｉ＇ｍ　ｓｏ　ｈｙｐｅｄ．　

This is for BOTH people who consider themselves artists and those who don't. It doesn't have to be a comic. A ZINE CAN BE ANYTHING :D It can be a tech tutorial, it can be a comic, it can be flash fiction, it can be a local history guide, it can be Street Fighter II Turbo strategies printed out to be left in arcades, it can be anything!

The video below explains the process better than I could probably in text (I suck at conveying thing through text). My video also has a tl;dr that I would appreciate everyone read before submitting.

There's some other stuff below, but if you're more visual, like not the reading type (like me) then feel free to skip and just head to the video description to jump in.

Also, you may know me for my "Raspberry Pis are for paypigs" video where I try to advocate for the upcycling for ewasted Chromebooks.

I've been into the idea of leaving around Zines for a while. Every time I walk into a coffee shop or local business, I think "wow, I really would wish there was something cool to read." So I started making things to put there: 8 small 2.5 inch panels, folded into one 2.5 inch square for those interested to unravel. I put them inside of these origami boxes that a learned how to make, ones with a logo printed on them.

So far I've made: a zine template (I call it a dog ear zine for some reason), a template for the box to put them in, a zine about using yt-dlp, a zine about a reindeer working IT (along with a collaborator) and (coming soon) a zine about a monster in a cave doing stuff. All of the odg LibreOffice Draw template files to make your own zines or print out mine are on my archive.org page (linked at top of my Tumblr). I'd really like other people to try this 8 panel 2.5 inch zine format, and I'm willing to bribe people with sweet, sweet Gabe Newell bucks to do it. You can submit as many zines in this format as you want. Just make sure they're printed out and have pictures of both the front and back (plus other pictures if you want) . In the video I mentioned you can use my submit page, which is probably the easiest for me to keep track of. You can also use the #dogearzine hashtag to enter. Please read the video description before entering, though (which includes Youtube's and Tumblr's terms of service, though this is more of a youtube thing).

Also, and this is completely unrelated, there's a lot more to me than just the faux-clickbait Wojak thumbnails. I like doing tech, wrestling, japanese, vidya and other videos, but I love to throw art in whenever I can shoehorn it in. Like, the video where I go over inchworm, butterfly, colors 3D and flipnote sudomemo - colors 3D on a hacked 3DS was my sister's first experience with digital at (she's moved up to an iPad and Procreate). So, it hold a special place in might heart, as a lot of the things I talk about do. I made a Whomp video because I miss Ronnie. I made a Rockbox video because I wished more people used dedicated MP3 players and knew where and how to download music. I want to help people do interesting things. And I also want to thank anyone who read all of this. You are cool. I hope everyone who's able to can compete in this contest and challenge themselves to get out of their comfort zone, to try something new! Also, also, thanks for liking these posts, people on Tumblr. You all have cool blogs. (^o^)丿

[gococogo]

For your milestone can i order a sambucky heart fill confess with the prompts, another nightmare and can i kiss you.

I found your blog recently from the cyberpunk fics so to know you also write mcu stuff is rad. ✌️ you write excellently man.

Prompt 5 | SamBucky

Synopsis: Bucky wakes from a nightmare and Sam is there to help him through it.

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: Trauma.

Notes: thank you so much. i haven't written Sambucky stuff in ages but i reckon i cooked up something fucking gawd.

For once in Sam’s life, he was the only one up in the shared apartment. It’s quiet in the place but New York never sleeps as everyone says. Which is true. The hum of cars can be heard through the shutters and the thin walls. It’s small, but it’s comfortable. And cheap enough because hero work doesn’t really pay the best. Or at all.

It had taken a lot of convincing to make the former Winter Soldier move in with him. Bucky had been struggling with keeping his apartment. Rent in the great city of New York isn’t cheap. And being in between transfers with his veteran payments, he isn’t all too finically stable. It’s a lot of court cases to convince the Government that he isn’t going to go deadly assassin again after his time in Wakanda.

Sam nurses a two-litre bottle of orange juice, chugging down as much as he can. He knows for a fact that Bucky will want some of the stuff in the morning, but he couldn’t give too damns at the moment. The bastard ate his leftover muffins that Sarah had given him. So, this is pay back. Even though Bucky didn’t know Sam was keeping those aside for himself. Orange juice can be bought. Sarah’s muffins can’t be made.

At first, the muffled shout that hits Sam’s ears is soft enough that he thinks it’s some crack job outside. Shouting about random shit or that Thanos is upon them again. But when the next shout comes, Sam is quick to put down the juice.

He walks to Bucky’s door a little too urgently for his own good. No more noise comes, but he already has a feeling that Bucky has woken himself up. He hesitates to knock, his knuckles hovering over the wood.

He’s aware of Bucky’s nightmares. The ones that don’t seem to leave no matter how much he talks about them or opens up. Some things don’t leave. Especially with the shit that Bucky has gone through in his life. He can’t blame the man and he doesn’t judge him for it either. Sam finally knocks, softly as to not scare the century old man.

“Bucky?” Sam calls just loud enough to be heard through the door.

There’s shuffling on the other side before the door opens up a tad. The New York lights shine in through open windows, illuminating Bucky as a dark shadow peeping through a hand width crack. Even in the dark though, Sam can deep just how tired Bucky is. His short hair spikes up every which way and he only wears a bear of boxers.

“Why are you up?” Bucky asks with a furrowed expression.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Sam lies. “Another nightmare?”

The vet looks Sam up and down, but not in a threatened way. There’s so much going on his mind right now that Sam can almost hear his thoughts. He opens the door a little further, looking past Sam to try and figure out just why he’s up so late. It’s close to two in the morning.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sam asks as he leans against the door frame.

This isn’t out of the norm. Getting stuff like this out of Bucky was almost like dealing with a child at first. But Sam had patience and it won over. He hasn’t done a group therapy with other soldiers dealing with their own ptsd in months. But he thinks he’s alright at the moment with helping Bucky. It makes him feel full. Despite how odd that sounds.

Bucky’s eyes flicker to the ground for a moment before he opens the door wider. He lets Sam in with a grumbled, “Come in then.” He doesn’t close the door fully, leaving it open a crack.

Sam makes himself at home by sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning over to turn on the lamp. Bucky throws on a random white shirt from the ground before sitting on the bed as well. He places his face in his palms, his Vibranium arm reflecting light from the bedside lamp. Sam doesn’t pay it any attention, the awe having worn off ages ago.

“Was it the train again?” Sam asks.

“No,” Bucky shakes his head.

Sam hesitates before asking the next question. He’s read over Bucky’s reports once. Once and never again. He knows from the reports on what experimentations Hydra had put the soldier through. But hearing the stories from Bucky’s lips is enough to make Sam feel nauseous.

“Do you remember the year?” Sam asks.

He’s realized that in asking so, it seems to help ground Bucky. His memories of going in and out of cryo are so jumbled and hazy that he didn’t realize just how many years he was losing.

“I-“ Bucky pauses, “I couldn’t tell you.”

“What happened this time round?”

The vet sits up straight but doesn’t dare make eye contact with Sam. He tries to smooth out his hair but it’s too no avail. It sticks up every which way, as if his hair is still not use to being so short.

“I’ve told you how I was used to train the other super soldiers. The ones that hydra made after me,” Bucky asks rhetorically before he continues on. “There was this one in particular, I forget his name now. Gone with everything else. But he wouldn’t listen. Didn’t understand that there was no way out of this.”

“You got out,” Sam interrupts.

Bucky’s icy eyes finally glance his way. “After how many years?”

Sam only hums at that, not sure how to answer. He waits for Bucky to continue, his gaze never leaving him.

“Then finally one training session,” Bucky endures as he hunches back over, twiddling his thumbs between his knees, “he snapped. He came at me with blood lust. And with everything that was pent up, and with me being worn down and just so damn tired from all the work… he easily overcame me. He beat me bloody. Beyond bloody even. I can still remember the pain, the bruises that didn’t leave for months afterwards. Even with the serum in me, my wounds didn’t heal for weeks,” Bucky voices cracks here and there as he tries to cover it up with clearing his throat.

But Sam can see the memory playing as freshly as if it’s happening now behind those pale blue eyes. A shiver runs down Bucky’s spine, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end.

Sam frowns, exhaling slowly before reaching out and places a hand on the vet’s shoulder. Bucky doesn’t flinch away, instead looks to Sam like a hurt street pup.

“That pain is in the past,” Sam enquires softly. “Nothing can change that. But maybe you’re holding onto it because it’s familiar. Or because you thought you did something wrong. Maybe because you thought you could keep that man in line.”

Bucky exhales shakily, his gaze becoming long once again. “That’s the thing. I did set him in line at the end. They- They made me-” he clears his throat, looking back down at his twiddling thumbs. “They made me put him down like some dog, Sam.”

“So you think you didn’t do him just?” Sam asks, squeezing Bucky’s shoulder.

The soldier shrugs softly. “I’m not sure on that. Is it bad that I think it’s more just putting him down than allowing him to become Hydra’s little plaything?”

Sam is quiet for a heartbeat, not wanting to stay silent for too long. “No. But at the same time, I don’t think you should hold yourself accountable because you were both under Hydra’s thumb. Both being played a game you didn’t you head or tail of.”

“Doesn’t change the fact I did it,” Bucky grumbles.

“But it’s the fact that you’re trying to do better on top of that, Buck.”

Bucky glances at Sam, opening his mouth to snap at him for calling him that. But he stops himself, his gaze flickering off again. A taxi horn honks loudly outside, but neither of them pays it any attention.

“Look,” Sam squeezes Bucky’s shoulder again before sliding down and grabbing onto his forearm gently. “Those things you did. That person you were. Is all gone now. Wakanda made sure of that. There’s only Bucky.”

The vet looks to Sam’s hand on his arm, a sad look coming to his eyes. But he receives a soft, sweet smile that warms Sam’s heart. He’s won tonight. Even if it’s a little victory, he’s won.

“You’re too sweet on me, Sam,” Bucky mumbles.

It seems so out of character yet not at the same time. Sam raises a brow at him, waiting for him to continue on with what else is on his mind. A warm, metal hand is placed over his own instead and Sam can feel his heart skip a beat. But he collects himself quickly.

It’s hard though when Bucky looks at him like that. With a soft smile on his lips and his warm yet icy gaze looking directly at him. He’s always had a staring problem, but Sam’s never been truly bothered by it. The soldier that Sam always sees is gone in this moment. It’s just the Bucky he’s grown to know that’s under all the fucked up shit.

“I’m going to ask you something stupid right now,” Bucky says, his voice low and barely a whisper. But Sam hears it all the same in the night.

“Go right ahead,” Sam blurts out a little too quickly.

Bucky turns to Sam a little bit more, squeezing his hand in the process.

“This might be one sided but I’ve lived too long to care,” Bucky chuckles breathlessly to himself, as if what he’s just said his humorous. Sam can’t take his eyes off him, swallowing a thick lump in his throat. “Can I, kiss you?”

Sam short circuits, staring blankly at Bucky for a tad too long. He feels his heart skip a beat again, as if he’s about to have a heart attacked or something, blinking a few times a tad shocked. The vet sighs deeply, pulling away his hand from Sam’s.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky says as he looks down.

But Sam snaps out of it, grabbing onto his Vibranium arm to draw Bucky closer. He crashes their lips together a little too harshly, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t know what’s taken a hold of him, but having this, flag waving above their heads now saying it’s the all go is all Sam needed. The kiss is warm and everything Sam would have expected.

He’s seen the little flirts and flashes of who Bucky use to be in the 40’s. He’s heard Steve talk about him from before he got all jacked with super serum. And Bucky doesn’t disappoint.

Bucky pulls away first with a breathless chuckle. He holds onto Sam’s hand tightly, as if he’s afraid he’ll run away from him. But Sam is still as stiff as ice, frozen in place as he looks to Bucky as if this isn’t real. If it was this easy to shut Sam up at times he would have done this much, much sooner.

-

Hope your enjoyed this ;)

[hush-writes-preg]

i’ve been wanting to say this for a while, and im still not sure i’m gonna say it right, but i really appreciate your blog. i’ve been having issues with my ovaries for a while and it’s still not clear if i’m fertile or even gonna get to Keep my ovaries much longer. it’s been really stressful, because i really want to be able to get pregnant, and i might never be able to. but one of the worst parts is that i’m transmasc, and a lot of people- including my own family- can’t wrap their heads around being a man and wanting to be pregnant. even other transmascs seem to think i can’t actually be trans and genuinely want this. people pity me cus they think Society is what made me feel this way, and they have to “help” by convincing me this is something i don’t actually want.

you and all your followers have been the opposite of that. seeing so many other transmascs who openly (and sometimes desperately) want to experience pregnancy has made me feel like so much less of an other. seeing people who aren’t transmasc but have transmasc friends/partners being so encouraging and supportive when this is something they want has felt so validating. it’s such a positive and welcoming environment here, and it’s so comforting.

so i guess the main takeaway is everyone should keep being horny, because there’s at least one person who really appreciates it.

Hey there, Aster! Thanks for hopping into my inbox with your kind words! 💖

I've said it before, and I'll continue saying it long into the future for old and new followers alike-- this blog exists because I believe that everyone deserves the opportunity to feel appreciated, validated, and seen in regard to this kink. I don't care what parts anyone was born with, what parts anyone has now, or what anyone's age(18+)/gender/sexuality is. Anyone can feel the desire to be pregnant or to impregnate someone else, and that feeling should be celebrated.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had so much trouble with your original plumbing, Aster, and that you aren't sure if you'll be able to conceive. That's a really shitty situation to be in when you actually want to get pregnant. I've known a few people on Tumblr who are in similar health-related situations, and I just wish I could give all of you a big hug (if it's wanted). It's really not fair. The universe is pretty shit for allowing that to happen in the first place. But you're not alone, okay? I don't know how much comfort that offers you, but there are folks out there who commiserate, understand what you're struggling with, and hope that you'll be able to eventually find happiness regardless of what happens.

And yeah... family and society can suck big time sometimes. OFC you can't be male and want to carry a child, right? /s In my opinion, those people are nothing more than gatekeepers who have no business being involved in your body and business. The knowledge that these kinds of opinions are so commonplace really pisses me off. The desire to procreate is a ridiculously ordinary (though not universal) part of being human, so why shouldn't anyone be allowed to use the parts they have to make a baby if they want to? Or be allowed to find other reasonable ways to make it happen? :throws-table.gif:

Ugh. I'll get off of my soapbox now.

All that said, if the space I'm nurturing and the community we're all building is one of support, encouragement, and affirmation, then that's a dream fulfilled for me. We may be stuck feeling like an Other elsewhere thanks to societal stupidity, but not here. Here we're all as incredible and sexy and fertile as we wish to be, and I refuse to hear otherwise.

You're awesome, Aster. Try to stay positive, do what you can to take care of your troublesome bits, and love yourself the way you are. And if you ever need to vent about this stuff, my DMs are open, okay?

I adore all of you horny, breedable fuckers. 💖 Don't any of you forget it.

[peterparkersnose]

Escape

ben solo x reader

kylo ren x reader

word count: 1.2k

warnings: none, kylo ren becomes ben solo once again, established relationship, leg wound

a/n please give your authors notes, we work so hard on our stuff. if you didn’t enjoy it, feel free to ignore it but if you did, please leave your writers even a like. it means the world. re blogs are appreciated but not necessary. thank you loves. 

summary Kylo Ren has to make the tough decision for his future with his wife

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read time: 4 mins 27 seconds

You were reading silently in your corner in the living room. The dark essence of the apartment always gave you an eerie feeling, so you would read horror to match the mood. It was a high tensity part of the book, you were on the edge of your seat when the door came flying open. You yelped, throwing the book in fright when you realized Kylo had just returned home for the day. 

He grunted, throwing his helmet on the floor. He kicked his boots against the wall and threw his cape on the floor like a toddler. 

“What’s wrong with you?” you asked in an annoyed tone, eyebrow raised. He said nothing and returned to his study, slamming the door behind him. Noise erupted from the room, crashes and loud bangs filled the apartment. Finally, the tantrum seemed to have ended. You huffed and rose off your chair, picking up his helmet and cape and following him. Of course, the door was locked. 

“I have your stuff,” you said calmly. No response. You knocked slightly, hoping that he would respond to the kind approach. “Please let me in,” 

You heard the door click, signaling that he unlocked it. You opened it slightly, revealing a mess. Books had been knocked off the shelf, papers were scattered all over the room. You found Kylo sitting in front of the victim bookcase, with a large gash down the middle. It gave a crackling sound that made you sigh. 

His belongings were placed on the ground as you went to comfort your husband. You placed a hand on his back, and reached for his lightsaber that he was hyperfocusing on. He let you take it, and you set it on his desk. Now sitting on your knees, you wrapped your arm around him. He sat breathing heavy. 

You were unsure if he wanted to speak or not. You wanted to know why he was so upset. It was rare he would come home like this. You were running through on what you should do in your head when he finally spoke. 

“You should not worry about me,” 

“I always worry about you,” “Well stop.” “I can’t just stop, Kylo.” 

He rested his head on your shoulder and took a deep breathe. “We were planning a counter attack on the resistance today when one of my lieutenants gave me coordinates to the lead resistance base,” 

You shook your head in understandment. “Isn’t that a good thing?” you asked, squeezing his shoulder. 

“I already had those coordinates.” he sighed. You sat for a moment. “Your mad because your lieutenant gave you information you already knew? I can see that as a inconvenience but Kylo, honey, it should not ruin your whole day. We really need to work on your-”

“It is the base where my mother lives,” 

Oh. 

He never spoke about his mother. You only knew he had one because Hux had brought it up briefly once. He had bruises on his neck for weeks. 

“I feel myself becoming weak,” Kylo whispered, almost relieved he said it out loud. “I don’t think your weak.” “The supreme leader feels it too.”

You shuttered at the mention of the supreme leader. 

“Your not weak. You are the strongest man I know. I trust you will make the decision that you feel is right.” you said, intertwining your fingers with his. Your hand was so small in comparison to his. 

“I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it.” Kylo said, his breaths shuttering. 

“I will be there every step of the way. I promise.”

-

Three nights had passed. You hadn’t heard much from your husband besides a couple passing “Good mornings,”

He had absolutely consumed himself in his work almost to the point where it was concerning. He wouldn’t sleep. He wouldn’t eat. You knew he was suffering. 

On the third day you were peacefully folding some of your clothes on the bed. Kylo was at work and you didn’t expect much noise in the apartment except for a possible mail droid. 

When you heard a loud crash from the kitchen, you were worried. You grabbed your small blaster from your bedside table and krept down the stairs. 

The worrying sight of your husband rummaging through your emergency supplies was brought to your eyes. He felt your presence and turned to face you. When your eyes met, something was different. 

Maybe the fact that he was covered in sweat and blood should have been off putting, but it wasn’t his appearance that was much different. 

It was his soul. 

Something you had only heard tiny rumors about before you knew him, before you joined the First Order. 

Ben. 

You quickly understood and rushed down the stairs. “Take what you need, were not coming back.” he said out of breath. With the chaotic life of being the wife of Kylo Ren, you pretty much had all your valuables packed up and ready to go. 

It started to get concerning when alarms starting blaring off around the ship. You slipped your to go bag over your shoulder along with a backpack. 

“Is this really happening?” you asked him. 

He turned and looked deeply into your soul. He took your hands and sighed. “We must go now.” 

You followed Kylo quietly down each secret corner. He knew this ship like the back of his hand. Avoiding troopers, making sure no conflict would happen. He knew he had to keep you safe. 

The workers bunks were the safest to escape from. They had escape pods for emergencies that would most likely go undetected from the Commander’s pit. Kylo practically threw you into it, then followed with your stuff. Just as he was about to get in, what seemed like a platoon of Storm Troopers starting blasting their blasters. “Get down!” he yelled to you, struggling to close the hatch. 

Kylo was quick to seal the hatch shut, but not before a shot bounced off his leg. The sound of the sizzling from his leg made you nauseous. You started searching the ship for the bacta spray when Kylo interrupted you. “No use. They don’t supply the working ships with them. I’ll be fine.” 

“But I’m-”

“I know. Your always worried about me. But everything will be okay now.”

The silence between the two of you was almost painful. Kylo had asked you to try to dispatch a resistance base, but you were struggling to find one. 

He had pulled comms and tracking out of the ship and released them into space. You two were officially off the map. 

The radio scratching was hurting your head. You kept calling for a resistance fighter to call in, but nothing happened. The ship was going so fast, you felt like you were going a million miles per hour. 

“...resistance copy to…”

“I think we got one,” you said, adjusting the knobs on the reader. “Copy to resistance!” you yelled through the speaker. “Copy. May we ask who this is?” the pilot asked. 

“Who are we?” you asked, turning to your husband. 

His gaze was glossy and out of touch. “Ben Solo.” he said, not moving a muscle. 

“A-are you sure won’t they-”

“They’ll know. She’ll know.” he assured you. 

“Ben Solo, repeat, we are Ben Solo.” 

-

tag list

@dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry

[ayteya]

Just some stuff you should know

Heya there,

I found my love for Avatar and Pandora once again, so I decided to make this blog. That being said, don’t hesitate to request for a character. Anyhing that comes up in your mind, just throw it in my inbox. With that I mean anything.

I don’t care about the genre, I’m fine with everything (angst/comfort, angst, smut, yandere, comfort, fluff).

Also, english isn’t my first language, I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes.

I will only/mostly write for male characters x fem readers. I’m willing to write for fem characters x fem readers too, but just not much. Only if it’s family or friends, for example: Kiri x sister!reader, Tsireya x friend!reader or Ronal x daughter!reader, yk what I mean?

But only fem readers, just to make that clear.

And before I forget it, if you want a human!reader, you have to tell me that in your request, otherwise I’ll just make it a Na’vi. But you can request a sully!reader as well, or ask me to make your request with a metkayina!reader or an omatikaya!reader, you can put in as many details as you want ^-^ But once again, I only write for fem!readers, so if you want a male!reader, this is definitly the wrong place <3

Alright, enough of that, here are the characters I write for:

Jake

Neytiri

Neteyam

Lo´ak

Kiri

Tuk

Tonowari

Ronal

Rotxo

Ao´nung

Tsireya

Tsu'tey

Okay~ Now that you know everything (I hope I didn‘t forget anything-), hop hop hop, request if you have smth on your mind~

Ayteya <3

[idesofrevolution]

Your "Let's Talk Honestly" post really struck a chord with me.

I've noticed that over the last 2 years especially, there's been a large increase in questionable blogs and content in the gay transformation space. It's hilarious that Tumblr cracked down so much on anything even remotely resembling porn but this hate-filled content is allowed to run rampant. This place has become a cesspit.

I would fully understand & support your decision to leave; I've been thinking about deleting my own account and turning away from all this. The turn this community (or whatever one wants to call it) has taken has left a very sour and bitter taste in my mouth.

IMO if someone is making content about gay2straight, religious, right-wing, fascistic homophobes then they themselves are also those things since they're promoting and glorifying those values. Even worse, they're turncoats and bootlickers - since the authors are supposedly part of the LGBTQ+ community Saying it's a "fetish" isn't good enough, it's an excuse. I'm sure pedophiles say the same thing with their "minor attracted person" crap. Saying it's a "fetish" is just a way for these people to abdicate personal responsibility and make them feel better about themselves so they can spread their hatred.

The worst part is that these people act like victims and throw a fit when they're called out. Imagine devoting most of your blog to original posts or reblogs of some of the most vile and hate-filled content directed towards gay people and then playing victim when you're called out? It's disgusting. This defensiveness also makes me suspect that these people know that what they're doing is discomforting and wrong. The (not so) internalized homophobia is shocking, it's worse than most of what I've heard from heterosexual bigots.

I also come from a country where stuff like homosexuality and contraception were decriminalized/legalized relatively recently so seeing stuff like this on Tumblr is a real slap to the face.

I'd say that Tumblr needs another good purge but the last time that happened, most of the good accounts (your account being one of the exceptions x) were abandoned/deleted and now we're left with a load of arrogant, self-hating homophobes. At least the pedos don't seem to be so brazen anymore... This place used to be a nice escape from the world but now it's just depressing.

Anyways, I'm looking forward to your next story - jocks & musk is hot.

I agree entirely with that assessment. People have gotten entirely too comfortable openly writing internalized support for a certain type of movement and calling it a fetish. It didn’t work with pedos and it won’t work for bigots.

And jock musk is on the menu up next.

[pixiewritesstuff]

Hii!

This is probably going to be a long ask I'm sorry 😭

I got into Undertale and the AUs when I was like nine I think and I'm like thirteen now and sans aus have been such a huge comfort to me!

I discovered your tiktok account around a year ago and you inspired me so much immediately! Your characters were so cool - Smudge was the first one I saw.

Sadly I stopped watching your account for a long time because I deleted my tiktok account but I remembered you a couple of weeks ago and was like GAHH I HAVE TO FOLLOW PIXIE!

I have been at a low - girl I'm like Ink, I have such a fear of being forgotten- I want to make an impact in this fandom and I thought I couldn't but then I was like 'wait...' and you've given me inspiration to make a blog called askbittersweet!

Maybe I won't get asks, but you gave me the inspiration and confidence to and you're just so important to me!

this was supposed to sound so much cooler but my words failed.....

also your art style is so pleasing lol! I had a lucid dream where I had your artstyle it was kinda weird but it was cool n stuff (jeez lousus i'm bad at talking)

I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY AND NIGHT AND WEEK AND YEAR YOU'RE SO COOL <333333

Awww thank you!! I got into the Undertale AUs when I was about 11/12 and now I'm turning 19 in a few hours, so I definitely relate to that sense of comfort!

And thank you for your support. :3 I've been working every day to give everyone content they can like. I love this community and honestly it's my honour to be giving everyone content that they enjoyed. Secret be told, I didn't think anyone would like my work considering my writing isn't all fluff and sunshine, but I was completely blown out of the water with support and love from such amazing individuals. I've met and made friends with so many amazing individuals, each fan interaction I have makes my absolute week because there is nothing I love more than cooking up content.

I wish you luck on your own content journey! As long as you have a passion for what you do? There is only one way for you to go and that's up. Since I'm feeling nice today, I'll give you a few tips ٩( ᐛ )و

★ Use what's trending to your advantage -

Tik tok, Tumblr, Twitter/X all follow an algorithm of sorts, if you see bunch of videos following the same pattern... Take the leap! Make sure to add your own spin on it, not only will that help you stand out but copying others makes a story so bland, bleh!

★ Be brave, be confident -

I know putting yourself out there can be scary, it's literally throwing yourself on a stage and slowly building an audience hoping you'll attract your kind of people. But you'll never get anywhere if you stand around timidly and be too scared of that attention. Sell yourself, be brave, what makes you different from everyone else? What makes you special? What makes your amazing work so amazing? What can you do to bring something different to this multi verse?

(For me? I can bring adorable characters with a horror aspect, but what makes me different? There's no one quite like our lovely princess Smudge, is there?)

★ Don't be afraid of interacting with people but withstand your boundaries.

Unless those people are total dickwads and have no life, making interactions with people is a great place to start. You'll build a solid support system, people who aren't just interested in your stories but genuinely want to see you thrive! Little side note- don't let people stand on you either. I've had many a time where people thought they could push my boundaries and got kicked to the curb. Don't be a door mat, how will anyone respect your characters if they don't respect their creator?

★ Last but certainly not least - believe in yourself!

Okay, this one is a little corny and I know what you're probably thinking. 'But Pixie, I have low self confidence and esteem. Being confident doesn't come naturally.' And I'm super sorry to hear that. You're a wonderful person with flaws, but those flaws don't undermind your best traits one bit. If you don't believe in it, believe in us to believe in you. Would there be hundreds of people lying to your face? Really? No. There would be some merit behind their words, right? I faked it till I made it. Now? I have the ability to trust my own talent. I find love in my work and in my characters. I can only hope you do too, you can do amazing things if you set your mind to it. That's something I live by.

AND YOU'RE JUST AS COOL! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR IDEAS AND WORK!! THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS, YOU CAN DO IT!!!

[mayullla]

I’m so glad you liked what I sent in again for the Three Wishes part 2 (genie yandere)! I really like that I was able to help you cause your writing talent is way too good. (And as a fellow artist…I get what it’s like to be in a roadblock and the frustration that comes with it).

I actually really love reading more unusual or less well known fairy tales and mythology, so I could always send some more your way so you don’t have to do any research. (You can be lazy! Yay!) Though if you’re up for that, I think it’d be easier if I just messaged you privately instead of going back and forth with anon asks (if that’s comfortable with you of course).

I also like Reader’s “suffering” too in yandere stories. I always like stereotypical HEA, but my version of “suffering” is more so that the yandere wins (and Reader doesn’t die either or is heavily abused to the point where death is the better option. I hate where there is no heavy “dere” in yanderes, cause if it’s just “yan,” it’s just an abusive piece of shit).

That’s absolutely understandably about not wanting to focus on the Prince, I was just throwing it out there in case you wanted to make him a new important OC. And changing the Prince into a different profession also is perfectly fine. (Heck in the original story, pretty much the main reason the Prince was out and about was because he was scholarly-like. Having a deep and wide fascination with all the world had to offer. The dude really just wanted to go on an adventure and learn more).

And I’m glad 6.e. made your heart explode with delight! (I also have a guilty pleasure of thinking about all the fucked up things yanderes can do to their lover/others).

🩷🩷🩷

Do whatever you feel comfortable ask if you wanna stay anon or dms~ If you are thinking about spam this blog doesn't get many to to be fair. But yeah it is probably more comfortable in dms.

But just a heads up I personally don't know when I would actually start posting here again just yet. While I am slowly getting back to writing rn but I am taking the chance to write some longer stuff or more personal (deranged really) without pressuring myself to post like one or two fics every week. (also started another hobby of journalling soo) If you don't mind just exchanging ideas and stories then yeah~ ^^

Another reason why I dont want to deal with tags, hashtags and proofreading

But yeahhh hmm I deff placed a few readers in a "better death than this" while also adding to it that the reader in my head still has a fear of death but no real bad abuse???? I THINK- lmao Ehh I guess it is more so I love the idea of yanderes having control over where the reader is I guess, so controlling the area where they are, or maybe the controlling the mind or movements, or arranged marriages :p All my wips that i am working on currently is just that right now. Either one or a mix of them.