#i think its part of the reason will insist hes a kid. like a literal child.

[bumbleblurr]

LITERALLY THO like i hate how tfa bumblebee is reduced to a “so random! 😝🤪” only silly idiot prankster kinda guy when like. He’s smart! He’s caring! Yes he can be silly and yes he can be a bit reckless but he loves his friends and he can figure out how to care for them (like where he and bulk are comforting sari 🥺) and also figure out the best strategy to defeat whatever villain of the week is there! TFA bee means so much to me and i am also so excited for earthspark. Continuities where bumblebee is not the kid appeal character my beloves

LICHERALLY !!!! Like I love Bumblebees silly fun nature thats why he's one of my favorites ever, BUT IT DOESNT MEAN he can't be more than that.

Tfa in particular bothers me bc like. It's my fav bumblebee bc he has more bite and spunk (due to being based more on hot shot), but then. They never. Truly take him as seriously as other characters (except maybe bulk but that's bc hes also not taken seriously,)

which is so absurd bc he has some Legit shit going on with him that should fuck him up!! His whole career, his dreams, got flushed down the toilet bc he was unfortunate to have an instructor that doesn't like him and doesn't give him a chance (except when he did 1 singular time and then he immediately sent him to space repair duty for doing the noble thing and taking the fall for bulkhead)

And he doesn't get over this. He is still depressed about it when he says to Longarm "at least one of us achieved their dreams" in like the saddest tone ever (I think it's literally the saddest line delivery bee gives in the entire show) and he talks abt how no one believed he would amount to anything in the trial of megs script reading.

I'd argue his general behavior reflects this too (though idk how intentional it was), bc hes always like attention seeking- approval seeking. He wants to appear to Earth like he's a hero so he can feel successful (and that still went down the drain bc the humans started hating the autobots later)

But do they ever take time to address this issue and sympathize with him? No <3 instead they act like bee has no issues at all, to the point it's like "wasp is suffering so much, bumblebee wtf is wrong with you. YOU CANNOT RELATE TO LOSING EVERYTHING you just can't. nothing bad has ever happened to you. Go play videogames you stupid motherfucker" not that wasp isn't suffering but cmon. don't act like bee didnt have his entire career fucked over like it's not a serious thing

Not to mention as you said he has multitudes to him, he's caring and compassionate! He's quick witted and has lots of skill! He's not just a bumbling fool- Sentinel is wrong about that! (His assessment of ppl is not rlly accurate at all btw, he called bulkhead "bulk and no brains" when that guy is literally the leading expert on space bridge tech)

I am rlly excited to see earthspark bee bc its like. I think he's going to have the same kind of wise-cracking spunk tfa bee has BUT he is in a mentor role now. So there's a good chance he won't be reduced to being a silly jokester, bc he has to have some seriousness to teach (and thus the writers will treat him more seriously) also there's already those earth bots that are probably going to fill up that kid appeal role anyway

tldr: I love tfa bee's personality but I think his writing is lacking bc it doesn't take him as seriously as other characters, and I hope earthspark bee takes what's good abt tfa bee but gets better treatment from the writers

[auteurdelabre]

SO MUCH TO LOSE part 10 - dark!Joel x f!reader

rating: 18+

words: 7.5k

TW: HEAVY EMOTIONAL CHAPTER. MENTIONS OF TRAUMA. Allusions to oral sex, m receiving, allusions to f/m penetrative sex.

a/n: I told y'all this chapter's a doozy. Well it is, but maybe not for the reasons you think. . . To me its one of the most important chapters of this whole story.

series masterlist

REBLOGS, COMMENTS, ENGAGEMENT ARE WHAT KEEP US FIC WRITERS GOING. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT IF YOU ENJOYED THIS.

-----------------------------

SO MUCH TO LOSE CHAPTER 10

You visit Maria the following week with a plate of cookies in hand. She’s the one to answer the door and you are relieved when you see that she is showered and dressed. Things must be improving. She brings you into a tentative hug when you arrive, urging you inside out of the fresh dusting of snow.

“Tommy has Douglas out for a little walk. I’ll make you a coffee.”

“I’m fine,” you insist. “Just came to drop off some baking. I’m heading to Ellie’s later this week and needed to get some practice in. I haven’t done much baking lately and wanted to make sure I wasn’t rusty.”

You join her on the couch, watching as she wraps her hands tightly around her coffee mug. She takes tentative sips between munches of cookie. At the first bite she literally moans.

“This is so good.”

“Thanks. They were Charlotte’s favorite.”

Maria licks the crumbs from her lips before leaning back on the sofa. She’s always been slender and she looks almost as she did back before she gave birth, except for the small pouch at her lower belly. You think she looks better with it.

“Was Charlotte your daughter?”

“Oh no. I never had kids.”

“We’re you ever married?”

“Me?” you almost laugh. “No.”

“Oh,” Maria blinks and her mouth tugs to the side. “I thought you might be. You have a nurturing quality about you.”

 “I think you give me too much credit.”

Maria grins, taking another bite of cookie. The two of you chat amiably a bit about the changing weather, of the way the inhabitants of Jackson City get along so well. Of how she feels the pressure of being Jacksons’ ‘First Lady’. Of how the bandits that fuck with the dam that supports the city stresses her daily.

“It’s a fucking nightmare some days,” she cites with a grumble. “Thank goodness for Tommy.”

“He’s a good man,” you tell her.

“He is,” she smiles indulgently before shooting you a lingering look. “What do you think about Joel?”

“How do you mean?”

“You do patrols with him, right?” 

“Can’t say I was always his biggest fan,” she says, taking another sip from her mug. “But he’s grown on me.”

“Yeah.”

You hold in the scoff that’s already begun in your throat.

“My friend Jennifer seems to think he’s pretty wonderful,” you offer instead. “She was delighted to help him repair the window last week.”

“She the blonde one? Used to do textiles?” Maria knows everyone thanks to her position.

“Yeah.”

“Not his type,” Maria insists with a shy grin. “She’d eat him alive.”

Jennifer doesn’t seem like she would eat anyone alive.

“Joel is all harsh edges,” she explains when she sees your confusion. “He needs someone soft to balance him out. That Jennifer girl is hard.”

You don’t think that you would consider Jennifer hard and you don’t fight Maria on it because the conversation quickly turns to Jackson’s continued increase of population, the place swelling with new life.

“Plenty of single men,” Maria says with a quirked brow in your direction. You give a soft laugh.

“Not really interested.”

“Single women too.”

“No no,” you laugh again, cheeks pinking. “I like men, I just . . . I don’t think I’m the partnering type.”

You think of Luke and his sweet features and his muscled forearms. For him you could perhaps be the partnering type. Perhaps. The thought of romance appeals to you; it just doesn’t seem realistic at times. A crush feels fun and safe.

“You must have had your share of dates,” Maria insists. You can see her relaxing and you think she must be enjoying what she views as girl time. You think she must not have had much of it lately.

“Normal crushes and stuff,” you shrug. “But I was a late bloomer and then the outbreak started when I was a teenager so I didn’t have a chance for a lot of firsts back then.”

“Sex,” Maria nods.

“Uh yeah… that…” you say, trying to appear nonchalant. “And uh, kissing, dating, all that stuff.”

“But you did eventually,” Maria cites smiling.

“Sex? Oh yes,” you nod. You weren’t a monk or anything in your time before Jackson City.

“What was your first time like?” Maria settles back against a cushion, nibbling at her cookie looking at you eagerly. “I remember mine was all fumbling in the backseat of his truck before curfew.”

You laugh and think Maria must be starved for company to be intrigued by your limited romantic experience.

“Uh… fast,” you say with a laugh before allowing yourself to be transported back to that time. “He worked at one of the bakeries that I assisted in. I remember he had the longest eyelashes I’d ever seen on a man. They were so blond you could only see them if he turned at a certain angle. He made me laugh. One night he invited me back to his apartment and… that was that.”

“How old were you?”

“Uh, twenty two, twenty three?”

“And you didn’t date after?”

“Nah, my family left that QZ kinda in a hurry.”

You aren’t expecting your voice to hitch on that last sentence, but it does.  Maria grows somber, her dark eyes expressive.

“Can I ask why you left?”

You blink back the sheen of tears starting and gaze around the room, trying to land on something that will steel you. You find it in the small carving of a horse on the bookshelf nearby. You tell your story to that delicately made creature instead.

“We moved east through the QZ’s for about ten or eleven years. Stayed in a few of them before we’d pick up and keep moving to the next one. Hard to make connections and date with all that. I didn’t trust that I’d have the time.”

Maria looks like she wants to ask more when the door is opened and Tommy’s cheerful voice rings out announcing he and Douglas are home and ready for lunch.

“We have company!” Maria says cheerfully.

Tommy turns the corner to see you and he greets you. He wears Douglas strapped to him with fabric, snuggled under his large jacket. Jackson is sleeping soundly and barely notices when Tommy unwraps and hands him off to his mother.

Douglas squirms, his tiny head burrowing into Maria’s neck. She smiles and for the first time you’ve known her it looks sincere. There is a lightness in the house you realize, something that had been missing before.

“He enjoyed being out in the fresh air,” Tommy announces. “Everyone who saw him wanted to kiss him.”

“Tommy!” Maria looks horrified.

“But I didn’t let ‘em,” Tommy finishes, pressing a gentle kiss to his wife’s worried brow. “I’m gonna make some soup. You two want a bowl?”

“I’m alright,” you say. “I just brought by dessert. I’m actually heading over to Ellie’s to do some baking.”

“Joel’s letting you use his place to bake?”

You still, brows raised. “Uh… yeah. Is that… should I not be?”

“No, I’m just surprised,” Tommy admits after a pause. “I don’t think he’s ever let anyone in that house aside from me and Maria. Think the only reason he and Ellie don’t kill each other is ‘cuz she’s in the garage.”

“Oh.”

You don’t know what else to offer besides that.

Tommy nods and for a moment you see something in his expression, a pinched look when Maria looks away from him.  You realize that Tommy looks harried, running a hand through his glossy curls.

“What’s up?”

“Nothin’,” Tommy replies too quickly.

You see the panic in his eyes as his gaze darts from his wife back to you. You understand immediately. Maria is doing well, if there’s something stressful in Jackson City he doesn’t want to bother her with it.

“Thanks for the tea Maria, but I better head out,” you inform them both.

Maria wraps you into a side hug, one arm around your shoulders, the other holding her son. You run your knuckles down his spine gently.

“Come back soon,” she whispers.

“I promise.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Tommy says, feigning manners. The two of you walk to the front door around the corner. As you toe on your boots you look up at him expectantly.

“Well?”

Tommy looks over his shoulder anxiously before dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper only you can hear.

“Rumor is Raiders were spotted by A Patrol this week,” Tommy says with a sigh. “Up by the traps.”

“Fuck,” you breathe. “Really?”

“Not positive. A Patrol isn’t always the most reliable. They spook easy and are overly cautious. But I’d rather that than the alternative.”

“Of course.”

“Just make sure you and Joel are extra cautious,” Tommy says. “I know you’re both responsible but, you know…. Just be extra responsible.”

You nod, feeling your heart thrumming in your chest as you make your way to Rancher Street.

///

You didn't really want to go to Joel's house today. But Ellie had found you last night heading home from The Tipsy Bison and had guilted you into it when she told you that Joel had brought back all the supplies needed. 

You'd tried to sway her into baking at your place but only the burners on your oven work. You'd never really considered getting the main oven fixed, since you take most of your meals in the dining hall.

But in moments like this, you heavily regret that choice. 

You feel like even your footsteps sound timid as they make their way up the wood steps. 

Ellie is at the door, pulling it open before you can even knock. She must have been looking for you at the window, counting down the seconds until your arrival. The thought warms you. She gives you a broad smile that lights up her face.

"I got everything set up!"

She takes off down into the kitchen and you venture into the Miller home tentatively, still anxious about what happened last time.  

A sound to your right draws your attention and you take in the tall form of Joel coming into the room. He's dressed in jeans and a sweater, obviously feeling the chill despite the cheery fire that roars behind him. 

"Mornin'," he greets. 

"Morning." You lick your lips nervously. "Thanks for letting me bake with Ellie."

"'Course. She's been looking forward to it for weeks. Can't stop talkin' about it.'

Joel gives you a whisper of a smile but the thing that really throws you about this interaction is that he looks almost nervous. You've never seen Joel look nervous. 

He'd been so stiff after last patrol, not even saying goodbye to the group after you'd all disembarked off the horses. 

It had been embarrassing. Him storming off like you'd all done something wrong. Only Jennifer seemed to still be under Joel's spell citing that watching him hammer the window would fuel her fantasies for months to come.

You're still really irritated with him but it's lessened slightly because his greeting isn’t hostile. You could almost relax if it weren’t for the intense way he’s staring at you.  

You hear your name being called by Ellie in the next room so you toe off your shoes and head into the kitchen. She's got an apron on, borrowed from the kitchen or Joel because it's far too big for her small frame. 

"Alright," you give her a warm smile as you enter. "You got everything?"

"Yep."

You place the bag you brought on the counter. You remove your own apron, baby blue with ruffles on the end. A recent gift from Jennifer who told you “since you’re a real chef you need your own apron”. You tie it as you speak to Ellie.  

"So what I like to do is set up all my supplies on the counter just to double check I have everything. Nothing worse than being halfway through a recipe and finding out you you’re missing ingredients."

The sentence isn't even out of your mouth before Ellie’s opened up her cupboards and ice box and begun to take everything out. Flour, eggs, bowls, milk and more, all the items you gave Joel on the list. She places them on the counter before looking at you like a proud student. 

"You'll need measuring spoons."

The two of you turn at the same time to see Joel standing by the entrance to the kitchen, lingering. His hands are in his jean pockets, standing like a chastised student outside the classroom.

"I brought some," you inform him, trying to hold in your irritation. You pull them from your bag, putting them next to the eggs. 

You feel Joel's eyes on your back and you're sure he's silently judging you, eager to point out what you're doing wrong. You stiffen under the perceived scrutiny. Ellie must sense the change in the room because she whips around to shoot him a jeering look. 

"Joel you don't need to supervise," Ellie says rolling her eyes. "We won't break the damn stove." 

Joel looks at his feet mumbling something about needing to do stuff upstairs anyway before he's making his way out of the kitchen. 

You go back to your lesson with Ellie who turns out to be a very focused student. 

She asks smart questions, measures everything perfectly and takes her time. It's only when you put her in charge of cracking three eggs into the bowl that she gets frustrated. 

"Fuck, it cracked wrong. Shell got in."

Her fingers pinch into the egg bowl, trying to grasp the fallen eggshell. Of course the viscous nature of the raw egg makes it impossible and it’s not long before she pushes at the bowl angrily, her face is set into a deep frown.

“S’fucking bullshit.”

"Happens all the time," you tell her kindly. "Don't stress about it. I’ll show you a secret my mom taught me and my sister to get ‘em out."

Ellie watches as you take the empty shell half still in her hand. Her brows knit in confusion as you lower it into the bowl, using it as a scoop. Unlike with her fingers, the egg shell piece floats easily into the makeshift scoop. You pull the shell from the bowl, tossing the mess into the garbage.

“Holy shit that actually worked.” Ellie smiles at this and it transforms her pale pinched features into that of a warm, approachable teenager. 

You smile, feeling strangely proud. You’ve never baked with anyone else before, aside from the kitchen. But that was following the same boring recipes given by the head chef. You were usually boiling rice, cutting onions or apples. Baking is a different beast, a calmer, more relaxing one.  

After that hiccup Ellie is more patient with herself. She's keen to learn about baking but she's very eager to talk to you about you. When you pop the formed pastries into the oven and set the timer she decides that now is the time to chat. 

"What kind of music did you used to listen to before?"

Memories of Joel’s warning float in your mind. The reminder not to tell her too much. To make her long for a life that he can’t give her.

"Enough about me,” you deflect. “I want to know about you."

At this Ellie balks slightly, the smile wavering just a fraction before the mask is replaced and she nods. Her mixing increases but now her eyes are on the batter.

"Whadda you wanna know?"

"What was your life like before Jackson?"

"I was in the QZ back in Boston,” she says slowly, as if she's trying to make sure she doesn't give too much away. "Hated it."

"Parents?"

"Never met 'em."

"What brought you to Jackson City?"

"Joel."

She doesn't offer you more or less than that. You understand it, you don't push it.

"How'd you end up here?" She asks, mixing the dry ingredients.  

You realize the stupidity of you asking her those questions. How easily you opened them to be doubled back on yourself. 

"You asked me what kind of music I listened to before?" You smile, hoping that this will distract her. "I remember I saw Chicago about a billion times," you laugh. "I was obsessed. I listened to the soundtrack over and over."

"Chicago," Ellie says slowly as if trying to recall before a light seems to go on. "Oh, I've heard of Chicago. Joel likes ‘em."

Them?

It takes you a minute to understand what she's talking about. You finally answer giggling. 

"Chicago the musical, not the band. The musical had great songs. And dancing." 

"Do you dance?"

"Not very well." 

Your dual laughter combines and you can't help but enjoy the sound. Ellie really does make you laugh. She reminds you of how life was before. When everything seemed new. 

You can tell Ellie wants to know everything about your life before the outbreak. And you want to indulge her but Joel's words rub their imprint on your the inside of your skull.

"Hey I promised your D- Joel that I wouldn't keep talking about this stuff with you," you explain quietly. "He's worried it makes you want stuff you can't have."

"Jesus," Ellie says rolling her eyes. “Overprotective much?” 

"No he's right," you insist truthfully. "I mean, I get where he's coming from. He doesn't wanna keep disappointing you."

"Joel could never disappoint me."

The timer goes off and you peer into the oven. The pastries are a golden brown. You smile before taking them out with the oven mitt. Ellie closes her eyes, inhaling.

"They smell so good."

"Just wait until you put icing on them," you encourage with a grin. "Delicious." 

The two of you get to work making the icing while the pastries cool. 

"It's gonna snow," Ellie comments out of nowhere as she peers out the window, mixing idly. 

"Hate to break it to you, El, it's already snowing."

Ellie gives you a smirk along with her side eye. You don't know if it's from your sarcastic comment or the fact that you called her El. 

"I mean I think it’s gonna snow a lot." She explains. "I heard some of the other kids talking about it at school."

"Huh," you offer noncommittal as you look at the consistency of the icing. "Wonder how they can tell."

"They said they could smell it," Ellie says with a grin, pushing up the sleeve of her shirt so that it doesn't drip into the icing bowl. "They said tha-"

You can't hear anything she's saying after that. All you can focus on is her now bared arm and the ugly bite mark. Blood rushes in your ears and you cry out before giving a blood curdling shriek. 

“No!”

Ellie jumps, startled at your sudden screams. She throws herself back against the wall, eyes wide and glancing around as if she expects hordes of infected to come streaming in. 

"What? What is it?"

You know she's never seen you be loud, never seen you scream and the sight must terrify her. 

But all you can focus on is the clear outline of bite marks on her forearm visible after she rolled up her sleeves. The clear sign of an infected’s mark. She’s going to turn into a clicker before your eyes. She’s going to become soulless and inhuman and you need to go. You need to get somewhere safe.

Joel. He’ll be so devastated.

You can hear the heavy footsteps of Joel approaching the kitchen but all you can think of is escaping and getting yourself safe. You have to warn the town. You run towards the front door, your socks slipping over the smooth floor. 

You're still screaming incoherently, your voice cracking as you lunge for the doorknob, tears in your eyes. Your hand closes around the brass knob just as two muscled arms go around your waist, pulling you back harshly. A hand covers your mouth and a deep voice is at your ear. 

"Quit," he repeats, shaking you slightly in his arms. "Stop screamin'."

There's an increasingly paranoid thought that believes this was all a trap. A way for Joel to get his daughter fed. You feel it, Joel's arms wrapped around your entire body, pinning your arms to your sides. His body is warm and solid behind you, terrifying in its strength. It takes you to a time you've tried to forget. 

"Get the fuck off of me!" You shriek against his palm, trying to wriggle out of his grip but he holds firm. You're screaming expletives, trying to kick out. You shake his hand off your mouth. "She's bit, Joel! I saw it!"

Ellie hasn't moved from where she stands cowering in the corner of the kitchen. But you can only imagine how soon it will be before she turns. You can't be here for that. You can’t watch that sweet girl turn into one of them.

"I know," Joel rumbles against your temple, hands still gripping you tightly. 

"You know," you repeat and now a dread begins in your feet and floods the rest of you. 

Joel knows she is bit. Joel welcomed you into his home knowing she was bit. 

You are going to die. 

"Let me go!"

High on fearful adrenaline you give a frantic kick backwards, elbowing into Joel's abdomen at the same time you thrust the ball of your foot onto his socked toes. Joel gives a strangled grunt and his arms loosen in pain momentarily allowing you a chance to break free from him. 

You tug open the door and speed out without your boots. You feel the snow on the porch under your feet, freezing your toes immediately. You throw yourself down the porch stairs, feet slapping the wood as you hold back sobs. The street is deserted; the houses all empty as they usually are on bright Saturday afternoons. You go to cry out for someone, anyone, when Joel's arm bands around your waist.

You give a devastated howl of defeat before Joel is dragging your struggling frame back into the house, telling you to calm down. 

Ellie is by the sink, her eyes on the ground. 

But you still struggle, trying to get away from this house. Joel gives a frustrated growl before he pushes you up against the wall, pinning you there with his hips. His hands hold your wrists on either side of your head, pressing them into the wall. 

"Stop fuckin' strugglin'," Joel seethes when you jerk against him, his chest pressing you so tightly to the wall you can't breathe. 

"Please let me go," you beg brokenly as you continue to struggle in his arms. "Please I just-“

"She's immune," he rasps in your ear. "She's fucking immune! Stop!"

Immune. Immune. 

"What?" You stop your screaming just long enough to twist your head to face him. "Immune? That's not possible." 

But you’ve stopped struggling as hard.

You take a closer look at Ellie’s arm from where you stand, noticing that it doesn’t look particularly fresh. In fact it looks scarred. And yet something in you is still terrified. So terrified that you yelp when you feel Joel's wide hands go to either side of your face, forcing your face up and eyes to his. 

"Everything is okay," Joel tells you in a husky rasp. "You're safe, I promise. I've got you. You're safe." 

His eyes are locked with yours as he says this and you don't know how those words work their way into your body, but they do. The same way they wind around you as you allow yourself to get lost on patrols with your mouth on him. That sense that someone else is in charge, someone else is protecting you.

You're safe.

Your entire frame goes boneless in his arms and when he finally releases your face your head drops to your chest. He continues to press you gently against the wall with one heavy hand holding you there.

"What if it's slow acting or -" you whisper quietly, "or what if you can still pass it on with saliva or-"

"The dogs don't detect it," Joel tells you, his hold on you not lessening. "Ellie and I've shared drinks plenty a' times. She's immune."

You stare at the girl at the table, her entire countenance shifted. You can see the devastation, the fear and anger floods out of you immediately, like a deep sigh. You sag in Joel's arms, feeling as he slowly loosens you. 

"She's had it for months," Joel tells you, no longer pinning you to the wall. 

"Months?" 

You're still stunned by the developments but it doesn't stop your eyes from traveling over to Ellie. You see now that tears are slipping off the end of her nose as she silently cries. She’s pulled her sleeve back down, covering the scar.

Your heart immediately breaks because it's you who did this to her. This girl who trusts so few. You treated her like she was a monster. 

"Ellie I'm sorry, I just..." You trail off, your heart still beating wildly. 

But Ellie has tears in her eyes, her neck blotchy. She's raced to the garage, slamming the door after her. You flinch at the sound of it. 

Then it’s just you and Joel in the quiet kitchen.

"How long have you known?"

"Since I met her," Joel explains quietly. "Was bringing her to the fireflies with a friend in exchange for a battery. Rumor was there was a cure."

"Guess not if you're both here," you say absently, missing the pain in his dark eyes when you say it. 

"Not a lot of people know about it. We'd like to keep it that way."

You nod, your mind whirring. You realize you've never seen Ellie in anything but long sleeves. Never seen her wearing bracelets or anything that would draw her attention to her arms. She’s been hiding in plain sight. You think of the friendships she hasn’t made, the way she keeps to herself, the hostile way she is with most and it all clicks into place.

"We were thinking of gettin' her a tattoo to cover it up,” Joel continues. “Haven't found anyone to do it yet." 

You nod again, eyes falling on the pastries now lying squashed on the floor, the warm berries oozing out onto the wood.

“I’ll take care of this stuff,” Joel mutters, dropping to his knees and starting to pick up the supplies you brought. You think of how excited Ellie had been to recreate the pop tarts, how devastated she’ll be when she realizes they’re all ruined.

"I- I think I should go talk to Ellie."

"She doesn't wanna talk. Trust me."

"Just lemme try."

Joel looks as if he's about to protest but you're already walking quickly until you've reached the door to the garage. You knock gently.

"Ellie? It's me. Please don't be upset ... I was just startled."

There's a pause, then a sniffle that makes your heart lurch. 

"Can we talk? Please, Ellie?" 

You hear shuffling and then finally the door to the garage is opened a crack and you see Ellie peering through. Her eyes are swollen and red, the end of her nose pink. She glares at you through the small slit in the door. 

"Fuck off."

"I just want to explain. Just let me explain and then I promise I'll leave."

She doesn't move, doesn't attempt to close or open the door. She just stands there like some sentry. 

“Five minutes. That’s all I need.”

"You think I'm a freak."

"I don't," you insist, palm on the door as if you could transfer your emotions by osmosis to her. "Ellie I was having fun right before all this. I really was. Can we talk? Please? I want to explain properly." 

Ellie’s glossy eyes scan your body and with a labored sigh she steps back, opening the door and allowing you entrance. 

"Come in."

You follow her into the warm space, watching as she drops onto her made bed. Ellie hugs her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as you look at her. Ellie's eyes drag from the floor up to your face and you see her chin trembling as she holds in tears. 

“Can I sit?” you ask motioning to beside her on the bed. She nods, shuffling to give you room to perch there.

“I know you’re not gonna come back after this,” Ellie says, eyes wide with a quiet pleading as you look over at her.

“Of course I am.”

“No you’re not,” Ellie says shaking her head and rubbing angrily at her eyes. “You’ve seen my arm. You think I’m a fucking freak.”

"Ellie I swear I don't think you're a freak," you emphasize as you shuffle on the edge of her bed. "I was just... That bite took me back to a really scary time."

"Yeah," Ellie says with her chin balanced on her kneecap. "No one wants to think about... All that stuff." 

You see the desolation there in her eyes. She's hurt and even though you didn't mean to do it you did. You feel responsible for her sadness. Your eyes go to her closed door, wanting to make sure you have privacy before you turn back to her.

"Ellie, can I share some stuff with you?"

"Yeah.”

"It's not happy stuff," you tell her. 

"Figured." Ellie shrugs again like it doesn't matter. Like she's seen it all. Maybe she has, but you doubt it. She doesn’t make eye contact with you.

“It’s just. . . I’ve never told anyone this stuff before. Ever.”

Ellie’s eyes go to your face now. She can see how serious you are and she straightens slightly. She goes from being hunched and holding her legs to sitting cross legged across from you on the bed.

"Okay..." You take a sharp inhale. “So, I was about your age when Outbreak Day happened. I was with my Dad and my sister. My mom was visiting my Aunt in Wyoming-“

“How come?”

“Ellie you gotta let me get this all out quick okay?” you say gently. “No interruptions.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” you breathe deeply again. “She was visiting my aunt because my aunt was getting a divorce and my mom wanted to support her. Anyway, about ten years ago my dad and my little sister and I were travelling between QZ’s. We were looking for my Mom because my Dad was convinced she was still alive and she’d be out in this direction.”

You swallow; hating talking about this but knowing that Ellie deserves this truth. So far she looks intrigued, her eyes wide.

“So one night we were exhausted. We’d been travelling for days and we were low on food and water. We see this old cabin and it looks like it’s abandoned. We figure it’s a good spot to hunker down and get some energy before we keep going.” You exhale a shuddering breath.

“Except it wasn’t abandoned. It was a trap set up by this group of Raiders. I called them The Group. They killed my dad and they were gonna kill me and my sister when one of the guys had the bright idea that they could use us as bait.”

"Bait?"

 Ellie seems to remember she’s not supposed to say anything because she ducks her head slightly.

"Yeah. they made us go into new places first," you explain detached, as if you’re talking about another woman in another life. "So if there was anything dangerous it would get us in enough time to give The Group a chance to escape.”

Ellie is staring at you wide-eyed, all her teenage ambivalence lost as you detail the most terrifying years of your life. You omit lots of the more gruesome details and you definitely don’t tell her about Rock River.  

"Once they hung me from a tree," you tell her, trying not to sound emotional. It's not hard. Years of hiding how that part of your life affects you makes you good at it. "They tied me to a rope and hung me on a branch to attract clickers."

"Jesus."

"Yeah," you nod. "It worked really well. There was a big group and they piled underneath me, trying to grab at me, their mouths all black and their teeth gnashing and...” you stop yourself when you see Ellie’s eyes widening. “Anyway, The Group got ‘em all and managed to get some good supplies in the town because of it. I just... It just left me kind of..."

You wince when you realize you’ve trailed off, your focus blurred.

"The point is that when I saw your arm it just all came flooding back and I reacted out of instinct. Not because I think you're a freak. I could never think that about you.”

Ellie is quiet, digesting all that you've told her. You think you hear a creaking outside her door, but you're not sure. Your attention is drawn back to the girl who’s eyes hold such a myriad of emotions; pain, empathy, fear, anger.

"How did you end up here?" 

You think about not telling her. But it feels so good to be getting some of this information out, like you’re coughing up a thick black piece of flesh that’s been festering in your lungs for years, making it so you can now finally breathe.

"One guy, Chiyo, he joined up with our group a few years after I was taken. He owned a shooting range before everything.... You know…. Well, he'd broken his ankle in a recent raid and couldn’t really move much. If we hadn't come upon him when we did he probably would have been killed by another group of raiders. But as it was he had this giant stash of weapons and The Groups ranks were thinning so..."

You trail off, thinking of how you'd come upon him first when you and The Group got to town. How the leader you thought of as Red due to his hair (you never learned their real names), shoved you brutally by the shoulder.

Always the bait.

But after what had happened only the week before you didn’t care anymore. Red pushed you and you entered willingly, your feet not even dragging as you walked. It was either be shot by one of The Group attempting to escape, or see what resided inside the shop with the boarded up windows.

Chiyo’s gun was trained on you the second you walked in. The way you held your hands at your eye level when he told you he was going to shoot.

“I’m gonna blow your head clean off if you take another step.”

And suddenly you’d decided that you were done. You were so tired. And at least this way it would be quick and it would be away from The Group. And so you’d taken another step towards Chiyo, hands still raised.

You can still recall the furrowing of his thick brows and the lowering of his weapon as he stared at you.

"You want to die?"

You hadn't answered him but that had been answer enough for Chiyo. He'd hobbled over to you, dragging his lame leg, dark eyes fixed on your face. 

"I'm not gonna hurt you."

And when he'd said it, you'd believed him.

You remember the way you'd convinced the rest of The Group they needed someone like him. A crack shot, you told them. You'd had no idea of knowing if it was true. But there had been warmth in Chiyo's eyes that was missing from the rest of The Groups. Something that you clinged to in the coming months.

"Thankfully he was a really good shot,” you explain. “He joined up and we stripped his shop of his guns and eventually his ankle healed thanks to the medic in The Group and he was suddenly part of the team.”

“Was he nice to you?”

“Yeah. He was really kind. Whenever they used me as bait he insisted on going with. He said it was so we could save me for really bad missions, but I knew it was to protect me. They let him get away with it because he was such a good shot, I think.  Everyone liked him. When the rest of The Group was asleep we'd talk by the fire. Chiyo was afraid of horses," you tell Ellie with a small smile. “Was about the only thing he was afraid of.”

You don't tell her everything. You don't tell of the tender way he fucked you in the wee hours of the morning before The Group rose most mornings. How he whispered that he missed his dead wife and would never dishonor her memory by kissing you. But you hadn’t minded, you understood and you’d both been gentle with each other.

You’d enjoyed getting lost in the sensation of him. Of his cock in your mouth, of your cunt stuffed full of him. The rhythmic sensation of sex that took you out of your body and away from your every day horrors.

You remember how he would hold you, tears sliding onto your collar as he spilled himself onto your belly whimpering his dead wife’s name. How he would thank you over and over with your hand at the base of his skull, mouth against his shoulder while you quietly sobbed your own gratitude.

"After a few months he told me he was escaping. He'd heard about Jackson City and that's where he was headed. He wanted to bring me to see if we could find my Mom."

"Holy shit,” Ellie breathes. “Where is he now?"

"He didn't make it," you tell her tightly.

And now the shield is back in your voice and eyes and she must sense it. Ellie doesn’t press this, seems to understand that there is more there. With a teenagers’ sensibilities and a teenager’s romanticism she asks you her next question.

"Were you in love with him?"

Chiyo is a faint memory, a watercolor blur if you think about him in too much detail. When you try to recall things like the scar over his left eyebrow or the dragon tattoo on his inner thigh. But these are just pieces of him. They aren't him. 

When you think of Chiyo there is a warmth. But it's the warmth that comes from having a benevolent savior. One who never told you that you were in his debt. Yes, you cared for him. Of course you did. He was gentle and he was kind and his heart was soft.

"No," you say firmly. "He was nice though and I cared about him. Probably as close to love as I'll ever get." 

You and Ellie are quiet for a long time.

“I tried saving a bit boy once,” she finally offers. “His name was Sam. Tried rubbing my blood on him. Thought it would save him. It didn’t. He turned and his brother had to kill him before he killed himself.”

You don’t allow yourself to cry. You know that isn’t what Ellie needs right now.

“I’m the reason so many people are dead,” Ellie explains when you say nothing in return. “My Mom died having me. Riley… Tess… Sam…Henry... Ellie’s voice is doing that same detached thing yours does. “Sometimes I honestly think it would be better if I was never born.”

You can’t help the way your arms leap out in front of you to gather the girl into your arms. She tries to fight you on it, flinching from the contact before your unrelenting arms pull her into a tight squeeze, tugging her into your lap. Angry tears slip down her red cheeks, her cries breaking free as you wrestle her into a bear hug.

“I’m so glad you exist, Ellie.”

And then all the fight is gone from her body and she’s sobbing quietly into your shoulder, her tiny frame shaking. You hold her against you, wanting your adoration and affection to move through your body into hers so she knows how much she’s wanted.

“The world would be so much worse without you in it,” you assure her honestly. “You’re special, Ellie. And not because you’re immune. Because you’re smart and brave and funny and you make people like me feel like we’re worth something.”

Her arms wrap around your neck, face in your shoulder and she allows you to continue holding her, rocking her gently in your lap as if she were your own teenage daughter.

“And yes you’re stubborn and you can be annoying,” you add, trying to lighten the mood. “But there’s no one I like talking to as much as I like talking to you. You made me look forward to breakfasts in the dining hall because it meant I got to speak to you.”

“You’re just saying that,” she sniffles, arms loosely circling your neck.

“You don’t like liars, right?” You remind her. “Well I’m not lying. Plus, I know Joel loves you and he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that loves many people so you must be pretty great.”

Ellie gives a shallow huff of amusement in your shoulder.

“And I know Maria and Tommy adore you just as much if not more than I do. And if you opened up a little more with the kids around here I know they’d love you just as much as we do because you’re a wonderful person. The world would be so much worse without your light, Ellie. You bring light to the darkness.”

You continue rocking her for several moments, waiting until her sobs turn into hiccups and then gentle swallows. Finally she pulls back from you, almost embarrassed at the emotional display. She shuffles back onto the bed, picking at the loose string hanging from her pillow.

“I think I’m cursed.”

“Hey now that’s not true,” you insist. “I’m here aren’t I? How is that a curse? If anything it’s a blessing.”

She gives you a weak smile that you return.

“C’mon, let’s go and finish the pop tarts.”

“We’ll have to start all over again,” Ellie almost whines.

“Then I guess I’ll be staying here a little longer.”

Ellie wipes at her blotchy face, running her hands down her cheeks before nodding and standing abruptly.  You two make it back into the kitchen, surprised to see Joel standing there. His broad shoulders ripple as he works on something in front of him, his back to you.

Ellie sails over to him, her eyes wide when she sees what he’s done. “Wait are those the pop tarts?”

“Yep.”

“I thought they were ruined.”

“Yours were,” Joel shrugs, spreading icing onto one of the homemade pop tarts. “Mine went okay.”

You feel as if you’ve been physically pushed.

Joel baked?

Ellie snags one of the still warm pastries from the plate as Joel starts running the cloth over the counter and wiping the crumbs into the sink. You look at the joy on Ellie’s face as she takes a bite.

“Holy shit, Joel, these are so fucking good.”

“Language,” Joel admonishes over his shoulder, though there’s nothing harsh in it. He turns around, hip resting against the counter.

“I’m gonna have you do all my baking,” Ellie continues as if she hasn’t heard him.  “I’ll just be your taste tester.”

You want to grin at this but all you can do is stare at Joel and the soft way he’s smiling down at Ellie. This open look of adoration you so rarely see. Like there’s this secret Joel inside the mean Joel shell that the privileged few witness.

Joel could never disappoint me.

Joel seems to feel your eyes on him because he blinks over at you, dark eyes darting around your face. His expression is unreadable, but there’s nothing cruel or cold in it. He’s just looking at you, almost as if he’s trying to figure you out as well.  

“Well looks like we’re all set here so I should go,” you start awkwardly, suddenly feeling strangely light headed. Joel steps towards you, brows rising.

“You could stay for a dr-“ Joel begins, but you’ve already made your way to the front door, pulling on your boots and jacket.

Your hands are trembling for some reason and you think it must be all this emotional turmoil you’ve shared with Ellie. It has you feeling vulnerable and exposed and you want to escape home to the safety of your bed, away from soulful brown eyes and soft smiles.

“Ellie you wanna grab breakfast before patrols?”  you ask, studiously ignoring Joel who stands next to her looking at you. You don’t want her to think you’re rushing off and forgetting about her.

“Sure,” Ellie says brightly before motioning to the plate of pastries. “You want any of these to go?”

“Nah, you enjoy them,” you insist with a flash of a smile. “You worked hard.”

You don’t look backwards as you rush out the door of their home and down the sidewalk of Rancher Street, convinced you can feel Joel’s dark gaze on you the entire way.

-----------------------------

secondary a/n: The other parts I wanted to include in this chapter were gonna bloat this installment into over 10k and I wasn't even finished so I had to break it up!

CHAPTER 11 SPOILERS BELOW THE JOEL

in chapter eleven there be smut.

TAGLIST:

@casssiopeia

@getitoutofmymind

@joeldjarin

@elegantduckturtle

@cosmic006533-blog

@orcasoul

@la-vie-est-une-fleur29

@valkyreally

@multiversed-daydreamer

@deninoe

@ashleyfilm

@missladym1981

@questionablemay

@noisynightmarepoetry

@eddiesxrings

@know-that-its-delicate

@onlyyoucan-getme

@cosmic006533-blog

@harryscum

@confusedpuffin

@koshkaj-blog

@puduvallee

@locaparapedrito

@guelyury

@sofiparallel

@maryrhodalouandted

@questionablemay

@kateg88

@friskispunk

@mewantpeepaw

@cuteanimalmama

@alma-rt1

@marisemonteiroo

@thedisagreeablegirl

@olafsmiles2020

@survivingandenduring

@sofiparallel

@bitchesuntitled

@r4vens-cl4ws

[f1-stuff]

omg that part two snippet of girldad! carlos had me literally screaming, the way you write is just so *chef’s kiss* i can’t wait for the to see what happens next

its gonna be so cute when charles starts speaking french with ana and they both start bonding, carlos already has it down bad for this man but he’s going to be in love love with this man when this happens

the idea of the both of them being dads is just so… compelling, we really need more fics of them being dads and being all domestic

im sorry for this ranty ask but i just got so excited when i saw u posted the snippet, i love that fic so much already

and if you don’t mind, could you post the giver au pls :))

sending you lots of love mal, thank you for everything!! <33

Hi! Do not apologize!! Every fic writer hopes and dreams that ppl will get excited about their fic 😭 and I completely agree - we need more charlos dads. They are literally so married and charles wants a kid so badly...

Anyway yes! You can have a snippet of the Giver AU - i've shared a bit of it before, but essentially, the premise is that society requires everyone to take suppressants to dull their emotions, eliminating pain/conflict/anger/fear etc., but also eliminating passion/love/joy in the process...

I'm thinking of doing a major rewrite of this actually...so honestly what you read here might look very different by the time I post it but 🤷🏻‍♀️

“Hola, teammate.” It’s accompanied by a grin and a nudge to his arm. Charles raises an eyebrow.

“Hello, again.”

They’d seen each other not forty-five minutes ago, but Carlos seems to insist on greeting everyone like it’s the first time that day no matter how long ago they parted ways. He also keeps calling Charles, ‘teammate,’ like he thinks anyone needs to be reminded of this. 

“What are we doing now?” Carlos asks, rubbing his hands together like he’s impatient to get started. 

Charles doesn’t know why he would be - they’ve been doing promotional obligations all day, and his head is starting to hurt from all the bright lights. It’s all videos and photoshoots for their sponsors and social media accounts. Tomorrow will be the more important agenda - seat and race suit fittings are the first things on the schedule.

“A video for the fans, I think,” Charles says, in answer. “Where we ask each other questions.”

“Ah, so I can discover all of your secrets.” Carlos lifts his brows up and down in a way that Charles isn’t sure he’s ever seen someone do. 

He knows it’s a joke - one of Carlos’ strange ones, where he doesn’t really mean what he says. But Charles still finds himself wanting to protest the remark.

“I don’t have secrets.” Why would he? He has nothing to hide. Carlos rolls his eyes.

“Okay,” is all he says.

Charles has the sense he’s disappointed him somehow. Not that it really matters, but he’s still trying to figure out his new teammate. He wants them to get along, since they’ll be seeing a lot of one another. So far, he feels like Carlos is perpetually amused by him for reasons that Charles can’t determine.

“The questions are prepared,” Charles adds. “They wouldn’t have us ask whatever we wanted.” This seems obvious to him, but maybe Carlos isn’t yet accustomed to how structured things are at Ferrari. 

Practically their every movement is planned by some coordinator on the team - the only time it can’t be is in the car, when the drivers themselves hold the steering wheel. And even then, the team tries to control everything with strategy and radio communications during the race.

Carlos gives him a searching look, which Charles attempts not to shy away from. He isn’t shy, anyway. Poor choice of words.

“Do you ever... Mm- how do you say it?” Carlos takes a second to himself, mulling over whatever it is that he’s trying to ask. “Do you ever go against the script?”

“The script?” Charles frowns.

“The rules. The path. The plan.” Carlos studies him, as he processes the words, like Charles is a bug in a jar. It’s not a sensation he particularly...enjoys, though he can’t pinpoint why. 

“I’m not...” He swallows, unsure of himself. “I don’t-”

“Boys!” someone is saying from across the room, gesturing them over. 

There’s a beat of silence between them, and then Carlos is saying, “Never mind, mate,” patting Charles on the shoulder. 

He walks away then, and Charles is left with a strange hollowness in his chest, like he’s failed at something - like when he’s driven badly or made a mistake on track. But he hadn’t done anything like that. He’d just been talking to his teammate...

He takes a deep breath, then moves to join Carlos across the room.

WIP Wednesday

[strawbs-screaming]

punch out hc dump because i have problems

sorry for dissapearing againnn but im currently in exam season so i had to lock in and get /srs for a while but its time to get sillay

Aran unironically enjoys the taste of extremely burnt food, if anyone in the WVBA fucks up cooking something in the oven to the point where its full on charcoal they'll just bring it to aran.

Mac cannot cook, literally zero skill, anytime he cooks doc has to bring out the fire extinguisher.

Bull's fans are extremely unhinged,there have been multiple cases of his fans breaking into his house or screaming outside his house, you say ONE negative thing about that man and they'll bring out your moms birth certificate.

Macho has a ugly botox crying face, thanks to that nobody can take him seriously when he cries.

Don has been caught flirting with himself in the mirror multiple times but denies it everytime anyone brings it up, insisting that he was "complimenting how the mirror was looking"

Bear used to have a pet boulder named "Stanley", it used to be double his size and it had a face carved into it, he was absolutely attached to it and still has it in his family home as a heirloom.

Joe is very near sighted, anytime he loses his contact lenses or glasses he gets blind as a bat.

Disco has pretended to be a christian mom on Facebook way too many times, he can do a perfect texan accent now.

Tiger uses to throw hands with everyone in his class when he was in 5th grade, he was out here fighting for no reason.

Soda drank perfume as a kid when he didn't want to go to school, his mom kept falling for it, not noticing her perfume going missing until he brought it up during a conversation when he graduated.

King Hippo is actually a part-time translator and enjoys being able to translate Hippo Island classics and make them known worldwide. He has ambitions to become a polyglot.

Kaiser likes oversized boots since he thinks they make him stand out, his boots have flung off of his foot multiple times.

Sandman is a mamas boy, he usually sends a big part of his check to his mom when he gets paid and likes spoiling her with nice gifts on her birthday.

Hondo likes watching those "i made a ecosystem in a ____" videos.

[rogueddie]

oh my god season one steve defender, hello

am i glad to find you because i’ve ben rewatching stranger things and the fanon version of steve before the upside down seems on the harsh side now. and the way the show was comparing him to jonathan who was dealt a shitty hand in life made people a bit biased.

like, he was asshole, not refuting that! but also he was a moody teenager who didn’t know better and peer pressure is a bitch even without people making assumptions about you and your big empty house. (i think a big part of steve being so gone on nancy was because she didn’t treat him like he was an asshole. unlike others who made it seem given.)

also he tried to rectify his mistakes. didn’t try to run from that. went to jonathan to apologize, even when his face was still fucked up from the beating he got and not knowing what jonathan was doing with nancy, exactly. he trusted nancy. he was jealous and lashed out in the worst way possible but he chose to trust her—like she trusted him before he went and hurt her. didn’t want to disappoint her again.

also he made the right choice at the most important time. running back to nancy after she threatened him with a gun and a literal monster jumped out? most teenagers—hell, even adults—would not do that, not even the kind and mature ones.

he wasn’t involved with the interdimensional monster shit, unlike nancy and jonathan who each had a person they lost to it and were in deep. he chose to be involved. like. people seem to think that the upside down and its subsequent trauma was what made steve a good person. he was good to begin with, he just needed a push. the upside down didn’t happen to steve, it was the other way around. that’s a big part of why i love his character: his choice to be involved. a lot of people understate that. like.

steve isn’t connected to anyone in the party. he’s there for them all nonetheless. a rich kid just inserted himself into danger to save people, how come he catches so much heat from others?

he wasn’t bad, is what i’m getting at. he acted bad. he was innately good and just had to practice that goodness outside the influence of mouthbreathers.

Oh, people are definitely too harsh on Steve. But that's entirely the Duffers fault, I'm convinced. Most people won't have watched s1 for a while so things like Robin insisting that Steve used to be an asshole will be informing their perceptions of early Steve, or Steve telling Nancy that he really needed that knock to the head like he was the worst person before that.

He was definitely problematic, majorly so. It was his friends who were the assholes but he didn't try that hard to stop them- we see him trying to scold Tommy for going too far, but it's only after he implies that Jonathan is responsible. He initiates it too, even if his comment isn't necessarily that bad.

And trying to make up for his mistakes? That was almost immediately afterwards as well. With the implication of his father cheating, obviously he's going to be paranoid about that type of thing happening to him just like his mom. It makes sense that he'd overreact and went way too far. He was upset and a kid!

Plus, on the point of him choosing to go back- isn't he the only one who really chooses to keep getting involved in the Upside Down, even though he doesn't really have any personal stakes in it?

Like, s1 he's given an out. Nancy pointed a gun at him and Jonathan isn't exactly a friend, but he goes back anyway. And in s2, he could've told Dustin no. He didn't need to babysit or agree to help him, he had no real reason to and it's heavily implied that the two aren't close at all. Then in s3, he could've turned Dustin away too. Why would Steve want to waste time on translating Russian? He had a job! S4 is the only time he has any personal stakes bc at that point he's good friends with Dustin and it's a clearly dangerous situation.

He's always had a very clear pattern of behavior that is the same now as it was in s1. Considering he's a rich kid, it would make sense that hed get stuck in a certain crowd too and of course theyd be assholes.

[infernal-heart]

somebody in the comments said “it’s crazy that Asgore can actually tank the real knife” and I know it’s probably just part of the wider glitch going on her but like.

honest to god I think he probably could. like I know he gets btfo’d in real kill everything runs but like. Asgore is not a fucking slack. I see people talking about this a lot but like. despite his kindly demeanor and his malewife boyfailure personality, Asgore is still the king of the fucking monsters for a reason. he is the strongest monster. at least in my mind. he’s just always holding back when we see him fight.

I don’t remember the exact quote but afaik there’s a quote where Undyne says about Asgore training her that she couldn’t even hit him. Which, yeah, makes it sadder that he’s letting himself be stabbed by a child, but it’s also ultimately a credit to his own personal strength in battle when he isn’t deliberately nerfing himself/holding himself back.

I think that’s one aspect of Asgore’s character I don’t see talked about in a lot of circles as much as, I dunno, I suppose I’d like. He’s tragic. He doesn’t want to be killing a kid. He doesn’t want to win. He’s only doing what he is because he thinks it might, somehow, free his people. Another comment I saw says something to the effect of “he even goes so far as to offer to let you be his kid”, which is true! He’s sweet. He doesn’t want to be the monster at the end of the journey.

But he is. And he has to reckon with that. He has to grapple the fact that his decree to kill all humans (note: don’t remember if this is 100% canon) and his momentary vitriol towards them drove his wife away. And, like, that reaction is… ultimately severe, but after seeing both your children, the future of your people, murdered, it’s at least comprehensible how Asgore came to that conclusion, in his blind fury. It’s so very human.

And that’s something Undertale does fantastically. It turns characters literally called monsters into incredibly human, incredibly real people. It’s no wonder why so many people latched onto this game and it’s characters as a fandom, it really has the deep, ensemble cast to support it.

Undertale drops us into a world where the first intro shows us a war between humans and monsters, and then introduces us to monsters as more human than the main protagonist can become. It’s characters react, often, more realistically than we, as players interacting with the world, can. When you kill everybody except for just the tiniest amount, Alphys calls you at the end of the game and says this:

She’s angry. She’s confused. It’s complicated. She has what she has. It’s somebody trying to deal with stressful, bleak, fucking depressing circumstances, and trying to, for just a moment, find some kind of positive. She still hates you. She still says she should’ve killed you. All of these feelings coexist, she’s not just berating you. She’s a multidimensional character: she’s human.

There are other examples of this, 100%. Asgore and Alphys I think are the easiest examples, given their own personal histories with tragedy and deplorable actions, but god dammit even Flowey, a character who is literally described as having no fucking soul, still… cries before he dies. His true face, Asriel’s face, peeks through in his ever-changing visage, and he pleads with you not to kill him.

You do, of course. Or I suppose Chara does. It’s not important. What is is the point that’s being made: or points, rather.

Undertale, for one, shows us a very simple truth: people who are different are human. It insists that they are, by characterizing these people so intensely, that they are made people by their emotions, their actions, their flaws and stupid jokes, their… realness. It insists upon acceptance for all people. And I love that.

Secondly, Undertale points a finger at its player: it turns that message around in the kill everything route, saying: “you killed everything in the underground except for Asgore. Watch what he says.”

He calls you a monster.

And you are one, in the most… human sense of the word.

The king of the monsters can’t see you as anything but one of his own kind. Because you’ve murdered them all.

Through him, the game is blaming us. Really, the whole point of the kill everything route is yelling at the player to stop, and laughing when we don’t want to. It keeps giving us more, and in the end when we want an ending where we… win?

No. We don’t deserve that, we don’t get to get away from this without consequence.

Undertale creates people for you to befriend, and then lets you kill them. But as players, we don’t expect to be punished for killing these people like.. we would be for murdering someone. We aren’t arrested, sure, aren’t put to trial. But Chara takes our options away. They taint our save file. You can’t forget that kind of bloodshed.

Anyways, there’s one more thing to Asgore’s character that I’d like to bring up:

He know’s about resets.

As a video I watched just now mentions, most people only really consciously expect Flowey and Sans to know about resets. That’s fair, they’re the only characters which explicitly mention them. I’d also wager some people think Alphys has some understanding of them, given Sans’ dialogue about readings and stuff during his fight implying that there’s more than him involved with the apparent detection/research into, what does he call it… fluctuations in the time space continuum? Timelines jumping left and right? I can’t remember the exact wording. You get my point, though.

But during Asgore’s fight, you can tell him he’s killed you before, and he just… nods. He’s very solemn in his fight, but this is just icing on the cake. He remembers killing you multiple times: he has enough awareness to recognize that he’s succeeded before, in his grim task, and been brought back to do it again. It’s another terrible dimension to his torture.

He’s a very compelling character to me, not just because his theme slaps, or because he looks fucking awesome. Asgore is the king, and I think he’s pushed to the side a lot. I dunno. Maybe rightfully, especially in stuff which takes place post-barrier opening, I s’pose. I just think there’s a lot there that I don’t see get talked about much. :) teehee

Credit where credit is due:

Images came from this video

Idea to talk about Asgore knowing about resets came from this video (not too hard to figure out the video subject lol):

Anyways! Thanks for reading. I love undertale. I could talk about it a million times forever and I probably will. Have a nice day :)

[stupid-sloot-headcanons]

Btw the reasons Palekana and the goddess Nele are used instead of the actual Hawaiian pantheon and Pele are probably twofold:

Most likely is that RGG's developers didn't want to use the actual Hawaiian religion because it'd be disrespectful, as (SPOILERS) it's been twisted into a cult that brainwashes its members. Even if the original religion isn't evil in the game, I think they wanted to avoid offending Hawaiians by including the gods and belief system in their main antagonist's facton. Like how they take inspiration from actual Japanese cults with the Shooreh Pippi group and whatnot

And/or it serves as a bit of meta commentary. Like this white fella takes existing Hawaiian culture and distorts it into his own vision, erasing its authenticity. Literal colonization. Given that RGG managed to write about other existing social issues in Hawaii like the rampant homeless issue, dependence on tourism, and American businessmen "developing" indigenous land, I could actually see Bryce perverting and changing the identity of real Hawaiian beliefs down to their names while he lies about being a master sage being intentional on the writers' part

Also I love the way parallels are all over this game. Yamai's story of a man killing his patriarch over an obsession with a woman is an inversion of Kiryu's story in Yakuza 1: Dojima tries to assault Yumi and the plot of the game starts when Nishiki kills him to defend her and Kiryu takes the heat. Palekana Orphanage insisting on not converting children who inevitably join the cult is a lot like Kazama constantly telling his kids "don't join the Yakuza despite seeing how FUCKING COOL I, YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION AND FATHER FIGURE AM AS A YAKUZA"

[stranger-rants]

Even if they don't want to acknowledge Billy's home life as a reason to understand his behaviour in season 2. (Which I can get on a base level, he's very easy to project your own personal bully's behaviour onto.)

To see him get violently stripped of his bodily autonomy, puppeteered around by a lovcraftien monster to do nightmarish things he has absolutely no possibility of understanding. All ending in a brief moment of control before its ripped away in brutal death...

No one is asking them to like him but seeing anyone go through that, let alone a kid AND STILL not giving him an ounce of compassion or thinking that's enough torture for even a sliver of empathy?

There are monsters here... but they sure as hell ain't Billy or the Mindflayer

When people call Billy an “abusive racist asshole,” it’s almost always used as a device to avoid any responsibility they have as a viewer to critically engage with Billy’s story and almost never about holding him “accountable” for anything he actually did wrong - because why are we calling him that with full confidence in reference to a season where he wasn’t abusive or racist? Why do people feel justified and gleeful even at the thought of Billy being resurrected only to be painfully tortured and killed again? These people are not good people, but they’re cosplaying as good people. They’re cosplaying as allies who pretend to care about systematic abuse and racism while condemning people hurt by those systems to a brutal, humiliating, and dehumanizing death. That looks and sounds like advocacy for institutional harm which disproportionately impacts people who have been abused.

There’s nothing entertaining about Billy crashing his car in the middle of nowhere after driving out to a cheap motel where he was supposed to meet up with an adult who preyed on him. There’s nothing joyful about Billy being pulled violently down the stairs screaming and clawing to get free while a monster violates him body and mind. I don’t understand the sick pleasure these people get out of every single thing being taken from Billy including his bodily autonomy, as if he didn’t already spend a significant part of his life being controlled by his abuser. It also doesn’t make sense to insist that Billy died a “piece of shit” who didn’t redeem himself when he literally gave up his life so that the people of Hawkins, none of whom really gave a shit about him, could live. These people don’t care about abuse or racism. They’re losers with victim complexes just like The Duffers who can’t accept that their bullies real or imagined have complex lives.

[lakesbian]

Alec would do faerie-related magic. I don't have any guys reasons, I just feel like it would fit his look. Plus he'd probably die in like a month if he got anywhere near Practice. He's just not made for it

i'll explain the matter of alec diabolism + how long alec would last as a practitioner later but as re the repeated glamour assignments for alec. it's important to note that glamour is, effectively, if bullshitting was magic. not just bullshitting about what your magic does to mislead the target and render its impact more effective, but believing in something that isn't true until it becomes true.

part of alec's Deal is that he's spent his entire life in terrible places--being hurt by terrible things, doing terrible things, feeling like he has no choice but to be a terrible person--and part of how he consoles himself is by telling himself that he might be an arrogant asshole, but at least he admits it. and even if it's not redeeming, even if that doesn't fix what he's been turned into, at least it makes him better than those other assholes who suck but can't admit it.

it's similarly notable that he's unbothered by what amy did to her sister, but seems insistent on refuting her ability to avoid admitting it--he makes a point out of repeating the far more direct phrase "mindrape" and nettling her on it. he's spent his entire life in the worst kind of shit, and with no perceived route out of it, one of the only bits of mental solace he has is the idea that At Least He's Realistic And Honest About It.

glamour is all about fixing up dirty little problems with a Hefty Layer Of Self-Delusion. you're not bleeding if you smear some glamour on it and then pretend you're healed. you're not some scrawny little kid that can't do anything about someone wanting to beat the shit out of you if you slap some glitter on that bitch and imagine muscles real good. alec holds a minor pride point out of acknowledging who he is and how reality works--glamour would be deeply unintuitive to him.

and not to mention how jaded and ironic he is! glamour requires deeply genuine and fullhearted belief in something entirely fabricated, and alec is the type of person to struggle with saying "thank you, i really appreciate it" about something he actually really appreciates without unconsciously slipping into sarcasm halfway through. alec's entire mental wellbeing is predicated on buying into his own lie that he's Totally Fine, but it's not a lie that he consciously invented and then put intentional stock in, it's a lie that was beaten into him & grown around because he had no choice but to believe it to survive. he can't consciously self-delude because it takes a level of willingness to make fullhearted leaps of emotional faith he simply doesn't have in him.

subsequently: faerie shit is alec-core as hell but magic based entirely on Faking It Until Circumstances Improve is deeply counter to how his head works. he would be terrible at it, really annoyed that he's terrible at it because he thinks it looks fun and cool, and then even more annoyed when she meets lisa and she's great at it. he would literally be seething that he's not good enough at glamour to use it to make himself look like the gayest specialest little prince ever to walk the earth and it would create a feedback loop where he gets more and more jaded abt his inability to use glamour and becomes progressively worse at it over time. he would constantly be drawing faeries because he thinks they look cool and furthermore is extremely gender envious. it would be his deepest agony. alec WISHES he could use faerie magic because it fits his look.

[mestos]

CoAi moments in DetCo games (part two)

cont from my last post

This time the game I'm going to be covering is The Great Deduction of Three People. In this game you can actually play as Ai! Conan takes a more supporting role while the main case is deducted by Haibara. Unfortunately she doesn't have a sprite in this one (takes a narrator vn approach) but like the other game, there is full voice acting, animated sprites provided by TMS.

worth noting that this game takes place before haibara's development with the detective boys. so she's still cold, standoffish a little and ayumi still refers to her as "haibara-san".

since this is basically Haibara Chapter i'll do extremely brief context summaries per moment since the japanese for the case itself is too complicated for me to understand lol

For Context, the detective boys + hakase go to a glass case model exhibit recreating what edo period architecture and life. theyre at edo town museum, where there is a robbery that had taken place.

the opening cutscene is a cute cutscene—the DB all ride conan's skateboard with him but crash except haibara who was just walking lol. she is the POV you play as. the banter between coai immediately starts with their iconic snark to snark behaviour.

as they go in and observe the exhibits, conan asks her for her opinion

after the case figures are introduced, the kids get to see a glimpse of a super secret exhibit briefly—a scroll. haibara feels strange about it.

conan's voice here is really soft (and concerned).

the burglary happens, and haibara is the only one to notice the changes. seemingly there is nothing wrong with the case, but she has a feeling the real and the fake have been swapped. she freaks out a little, thinking it's related to the b.o

the reason that haibara investigates on her own is because she thinks the B.O have a possibility of being involved (since the case involves some wine references LOL). she seperates from the group to ask the case figures a few questions.

she later notices conan is gone heh. but she decides to press forward, and overhears a conversation between two men. but stuff go south when she's noticed, and guess who saves the his wife?

he saves her from being shot and the criminals run away. they go after them, but a series of events happen and the lose the perp. the dude above gets run over and they have to send him to hospital, but in the event he drops the scroll that was stolen earlier. haibara deciphers the scroll, and it leads her to some place, but its just 1 lead. she wants to go investigate it on her own, but the gang find out and insist on tagging along.

conan and ai very sweetly have this exchange

despite his sprite, his voice is actually so sweet. slightly hushed, gentle and reassuring. it's enough to make haibara cave.

conan helps haibara decipher the map by attaching a modern day map, revealing some clues related to the four asian mythological creatures. genta makes a comparison to food and somehow that sticks because the gang literally just start going on a food tour (its because the locations on the map point to, literally, food stores). conan even lets haibara decide where they go.

"oi haibara, you decide where we go."

the player is actually who decides where they go.

they go to ningyo yaki (a type of wagashi, and it has sponge cake texture with red bean filling).

genta: "ooooo, delicious. i can eat so many bro"

monjayaki:

haibara: "so this is monjayaki... this is the first time i've ever had it"

doujo yaki

genta: "oooh, it's here! let's eat!"

ayumi gets nervous about being served live food, and u can choose to make haibara freak her out here or console her. the LP chose freak her out, and she insists conan eats her share LOL

after all 3 visits you have the option to go back to one of the places. in the background of the monjayaki stop, you can actually see shiratori and sato in the background, which the kids choose to talk to them on while they eat their fourth meal of the day LOL they absolutely get No information other than the fact that they disrupted their lunch but it advances the plot

they do some investigating for three more places. theres a festival, with some suspicious ass looking dudes, and you can choose to just run (and investigate elsewhere) or ignore them. ignoring them advances the plot

anyway a few more shenanigans happens until haibara figures out the map and what the symbols mean (GO QUEEN!!!!!). at some point she gets a gun to her head by the perp (AND IS CRAZY CHILL ABOUT IT) but then conan, genta and mitsuhiko save her lol

they do some more investigating which eventually leads them to a warehouse

"WHOA, IT REALLY WAS THERE!!!!"

after conan gives haibara some context (there has been some robberies in the area), a bunch of steel planks start falling

no one gets hurt, and this is actually the moment haibara says her theory.

if you get it wrong, the culprit gets away. haibara's voice is quiet, almost disappointed in herself, and conan gently says it seems like your deduction was wrong, in a very forgiving and sweet way as if to console her lol. and then you can try again

they use the crane to catch the perp. sato and shiratori and take him away, and alls well ends well. conan and ai have this exchange

despite his sprite, his voice is pretty serious here. worried. concerned <3

since i cant add anymore images, haibara responds with

"well, i can't tell you that if i dont have obvious concrete proof" "especially in front of mr-rushing-headfirst-into-danger...." "eh?"

conan tells haibara that he didn't find anything related to the B.O about the perp that just got arrested, and haibara says she expected that. to add, he sweetly says this

haibara: "wow, coming from mr great detective, that's high praise" haibara: "well, if you ever come across a case you can't solve, you can always consult me" conan: "heh, i wasn't complimenting you that far."

the closing cutscene is sato taking the kids out for dinner, and then calling takagi to help her pay for the amount of food these kids ordered LMFAO

but conan and ai have one final exchange during it

(while takagi is mourning his wallet)

haibara: "well, the cold reality of adult circumstances" conan: (chuckle) "as always, cool and collected. by the way, what was up with you today? you didn't seem yourself." haibara: "hmm? what do you mean, i was the same as usual." conan: "where? you were oddly overbearing and nosy today." haibara: "really? then i must have caught it from a certain someone." conan: "huh? and who is this certain someone?" haibara: "who knows? why don't you think about it and figure it out, mr great detective?" conan: "huh?"

ANYWAY FOR MY CLOSING THOUGHTS

seeing someone haibara solve the mystery and lead conan along is the roleswap au that i need. and this is, in its own way, canon!

[oddberryshortcake]

silver for the character ask meme! (or if someone else already sent him in, then lilia maybe)

I can do a Lilia later for sure but it is SILVER TIME

What I love about them: He’s so damn sweet. I’ll admit the boy princess trope is pretty fun, I love turning norm tropes on it’s head by having this boy be so full of whimsy and everything that Disney princesses have emulated for years. I love his Aurora-isms a lot. I really like Sleeping Beauty in general so its nice seeing how that carries over in his story.

He’s also just genuinely entertaining. His and Jamil’s bit from Endless Halloween is my favorite banter out of the whole event. He’s just a strange lil guy (affectionate) and Jamil really traded one scatterbrain for another lol 

What I hate about them: He doesn’t have too much to talk about, which I get is part of his character. I like his stories about his dad fine but he needs to find another hobby other than training (which I get thats why its his hobby, its not really like he can sit down and do much else because of his curse/disability, but maybe someday he can find the right accommodations and find more for himself other than living in guilt that he isn’t good enough)

Which that BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER THING. Genuinely sad he seems to hate himself. Like I don’t know why he’s so hard on himself when his family has been extremely accepting and understanding of him. It’s like very deep-seated and I hope he can get past that 

Favorite Moment/Quote: Tied behind his very wholesome speech to the fairy queen about wanting humans and fae to live in harmony with each other and taking the blame for the heist the group pulled 

And him just trying and failing to tell Jamil stories that his father told him and tales of his childhood. The man will go through a whole story and either forget to mention the most important detail or straight up describe something wrong. He so silly.

What I would like to see more focus on: Show us more of his Aurora traits! Confirm to us that he’s the prince we all know he is! Also spoilers he should totally tear Malleus a new one for everything he’s done 

What I would like to see less focus on: His very minimal details about himself that he repeats. I also know this is because he is a walking spoiler, but my boy, people think you’re boring and I know you aren’t!!

Favorite pairing with: I really love MC x Silver a LOT. I also think he and Idia could be fun given that Idia literally stares at him and goes “aughh pretty”

Favorite friendship: Silver and Sebek <3 

NOTP: Anything involving him and his family, particularly his father. Just because he’s adopted doesn’t mean that these people aren’t any less his family. 

Favorite headcanon: He is the entire reason Sebek exists. 

The Zigvolts already had two kids that are implied to be decently older than Silver and Sebek (possibly by a whole generation)  

We know from Lilia’s dorm vignette that the Zigvolts were so upset at Lilia literally LOSING HIS BABY that they insisted on taking care of Silver when Lilia couldn’t/was still figuring it out. 

I think mrs. Zigvolt got baby fever and was like “honey, I want another baby 🥺” and thus Sebek was created. 

Silver was an angel baby too. He hardly cried, to the point it was probably a little creepy. 

[frostyreturns]

Frosty Ruins The Yearling

This is a movie where there isn't much to say because it's such a simple movie. However I like the simple charm of it, anything like this in the settler/pioneer time period is going to be interesting at least a little. On the other hand I'm not as much a fan of the setting as I am for some other similar stories. The marshy swampland homestead doesn't speak to me the same way as a little house on the prairie or a winter cabin in the woods.

That being said when a story is simple and wholesome it can also be boring at times. However there is one rather exciting but pretty brutal part. There is a scene where a pack of dogs fight off a bear…and there were no camera tricks, no special effects…they just literally filmed dogs fighting a bear. At first I thought maybe the animals were trained really well and none of them were actually trying to hurt each other…then I watched the bear practically suplex one of the dogs and I realized…no this is just from an era where you could just make animals fight and hurt each other on camera for the sake of the movie. Now I'm no PETAfag, I'll gladly kill and eat a bear but I don't see any sense in being needlessly cruel to animals and abusing them for entertainment in a film doesn't qualify as a legitimate reason to harm an animal. Especially when it's called the Yearling and centers around a boy taking care of an animal. So that didn't sit right with me but not in a way where it would ruin the whole movie.

I also think the anachronistic acting is kind of funny because you have an actor who is clearly not a southener saying words like Tabacci with clear dignified enunciation, and not even really attempting to speak like someone who actually had that accent..but he says the words like as though he did have the accent. It's ridiculous but again it can be looked past because most of the acting from this era was pretty bad by todays standard.

I also kind of hate the music, all these old movies from this era had that same super high pitched ambient wailing/singing where you can't hear a word of it. Part of the reason is the tinny sound quality being awful but even if it was perfect with modern audio I can't see enjoying it.

One of the problems I had plotwise is their explanation for why the mom is so cunty, I didn't buy at all. "I lost a child so I'm mean to the one I have now"…what kind of sense does that make. The man buys her a gift and she yells at him for being stupid for wasting money. Like I get the point is that it's a hard life and even minor luxuries we would view as neccessities were rare and ill advised given how close to the edge they lived…however you can make that point graciously. You can insist something is too much and that you don't need expensive gifts…and also accept them graciously instead of yelling till everyone clears the room and only admitting to yourself you appreciated it in private.

Also spoiler alert if you plan to see this now ancient movie and haven't yet. I also don't get the ending, making the kid kill his pet himself, him running away almost getting himself killed. I really didn't understand any of the characters in this, maybe it's that the characters are supposed to be that way, maybe it's that it's a story from another time and place, but I just thought all the main characters behaved kind of ridiculously. And I didn't like the message of the movie either and the obvious comparisons between the deer growing and the boy growing up. The whole message is life sucks and now you know how badly its gonna fuck you. On the one hand part of the reason it sucks is because you forced the boy to kill his own pet for no reason and then let him nearly die in the woods, that's not a life thing that's a you fucked up thing. There could have been a message about how life is difficult and part of growing up is realizing that without presenting such a bleak and tragic view of the world.

In the end I don't think this movie was for me, because by the end I was wondering why they hadn't already eaten the fucking deer, personally I think they tolerated it nearly ruining them for way too long. Just don't make the boy do it himself. Kill it take it to your neighbours and trade the meat with them so you don't kill the animal for nothing and so the boy doesn't have to eat his own pet. Trade the venison for some pork. There were so many common sense ways this could have worked out better that to blame it on life in general, even considering that theirs was a harder life...doesn't make sense.

Overall wasn't terrible C-

[starsandlightning]

Hi let’s talk about Good Omens

Warning: GO S2 spoilers

My thoughts on the GO S2 finale:

I’m not not into the coffee theory, and other theories like it. There’s a lot of good points being made in its favor, such as the soft miracle sound effect that plays when the Metatron hands Aziraphale the coffee, or how one of Aziraphale’s biggest motivations for saving Earth in the previous season was how much he enjoyed his earthly life and pleasures, and hated the idea of leaving his bookshop. Another thing I feel like not enough people have pointed out was that he straight up tells the Metatron that he doesn’t want to return to Heaven (because where would he get his coffee?) and then the Metatron immediately deflects by bringing up the fact that Aziraphale could appoint Crowley to be an angel, seemingly making him forget all of his objections. Also, the Metatron says that he’ll give Aziraphale plenty of time to think over the decision—yet shows up immediately after Crowley exits the shop to take Aziraphale to Heaven. That’s the biggest thing, for me. So, the theory’s definitely got some meat to it.

However, I’m not exactly for the coffee theory, either. I feel like, for a lot of people, the reason the coffee theory is so appealing is because they believe Aziraphale would never do something like that unprompted. It’s really upsetting that he would choose Heaven over a life on Earth with Crowley, so it’s easier to process if it’s all just seen as miraculous manipulation. But, if I’m being honest, this seems like a very natural progression for their relationship. Like Crowley says, he and Aziraphale have pretty much already been together for the past 6000 years, but they’ve always pretended that their relationship is something it isn’t—but that’s true especially for Aziraphale. It’s Crowley who initiates most if not all of their interactions when it comes to “the arrangement”, as they put it. It’s Crowley who has to push Aziraphale into saving the world by making the Antichrist a normal kid. It’s Crowley who wants them to run away together to Alpha Centauri. Crowley has never been hesitant about doing things his own way, both as an angel and later as a demon. He has questions, and when God refuses to give him answers, he decides, “fuck it. I’m on my own side.”

But Aziraphale never completely detaches himself from Heaven. He feels extremely guilty when he doesn’t do things “by the book”, and that definitely extends to his relationship with Crowley. Throughout the entire first season, he is entirely focused on changing the other angels’ minds about Armageddon, despite their insistence on going through with the war. He only goes directly against Heaven when there’s absolutely no other way. We see this in Job, as well; he can’t acknowledge that God would actually want to kill the children, and is emotionally devastated when he has to lie to the other angels directly. And it’s very apparent throughout the second season that Aziraphale is saddened by the fact that he’s considered a traitor to Heaven. Aziraphale is attached to Heaven and he always has been. This is the biggest point of contention between him and Crowley—literally every single one of their breakups have centered around this issue. Crowley has let go of the idea of Heaven and Hell. He’s selfish in the best way. But Aziraphale can’t; being an angel is a part of his identity in a way that being a demon (or an angel) never was for Crowley.

I think Nina put it best, in the end: “Look at you two. [Crowley’s] the hard bitten one, who can’t trust anyone ever again, and [Aziraphale] is the soft one who still believes in magic and people being basically good and all that.” Crowley’s disillusioned with Heaven, and he sees it for what it is. Aziraphale, however, still thinks he can fix things. He believes that Heaven can be the way he’s always imagined it to be, that it can be truly good. And he thinks that the best way to do that would be to do it with Crowley—but only if Crowley can be “truly good”, as well. Crowley, despite everything, is still a demon in Aziraphale’s eyes. He’s another thing that Aziraphale can “fix”. So while him leaving Crowley to return to Heaven was genuinely the most devastated I’ve been in years, it’s what makes the most sense, story-wise. He was cast out of Heaven, and because of that, I don’t think he’d ever have stopped wondering if he’d made the right choice regarding Armageddon (and by extension, Crowley). Because otherwise, Aziraphale would never have seen how corrupt Heaven is. He needs to do this, so that there is no doubt in his mind that the right thing to do—the good thing—is to go back to Earth and be with Crowley.

TLDR; the ending was brilliant, whether you believe in the coffee theory or not. And I genuinely CANNOT WAIT for the third season.

[strawbs-screaming]

☆ how the boxers act when drunk ☆

Moe posts without an ask?? How scandalous!!!

Glass Joe

- lightweight, cant walk properly and ends up falling to the floor on his face multiple times

- will not shut up, gets really talkative, only in french sadly

- insists on walking himself home like he can stand on his 2 feet without fighting for his life

- his english gets 100 times worse than usual

- needs to get carried or get thrown in a uber, even then, he'll usually pass out on his doorstep or at the foot of his bed

Von Kaiser

- ever watched a german grandpa transform into a philosopher? Youre about to witness it now,want to wonder "what the fuck is a potato anyway?"

- asks stuff that really makes you think, not anything meaningful but its still gonna make you think

- halfway through his ramblings he just starts dancing

- can actually walk properly, just not to the right direction

- will tell you stories and switch languages halfway through

Disco Kid

- runs away when drunk for no apparent reason or for something he completely made up on the spot, Disco what do you mean you forgot your dog in Oklahoma?? You dont even have a dog

- dances a whole lot more, except hes more likely to fall down a flight of stairs

- even happier, unlike Kaiser he can actually say meaningful stuff without changing dialects halfway through

- picks up people randomly for no reason and spins them around

King Hippo

- hes just.. gone

- passes out the second alcohol hits him

- out cold, this is why he avoids drinking

Piston Hondo

- why is he so sad?? hes just crying please take him home

- will cry over anything, including the fact that hes drunk, poor man crying over thinking hes gonna lose face when drunk

- will cry onto & into anything, bartenders arms? yeah why not, the floor? Yeah why not, will cry you a river

- so worried about losing face hes crying WHILE drunk about losing face

Bear Hugger

- jollier than santa, complete opposite of hondo

- will sing sea shanties, give out free hugs and just be happy

- aware of the fact hes drunk and using it to his advantage to say random stuff

- "i might like raw fish but i also like raw meat"

- "what."

- suprisingly good at walking, also in the right direction i might add

- more likely to laugh at thin air than usual

Great Tiger

- pure chaos, teleporting around to not fall to the floor, only to end up flopping onto another floor

- his clones turn into nightmare fuel, some missing parts of their body, some missing their face, literal body horror

- his magic just degrades into a worse version of itself

- keeps scaring people for no apparent reason

- floats around randomly when bored

Don Flamenco

- flirtier, messier & sadder

- his pick up lines sound like hes having a stroke

- if he gets rejected while drunk he'll just cry

- "hey babygirl.. Are you a 100 bucks?... Because i wanna have you"

- "no thank you"

- "EIGJJHHHSHSHHSHWAHHHHHH"

- holding onto his drinks like someones gonna take it from him, which is most likely true because he needs to be stopped

Aran Ryan

- worse than his usual self, cartwheels around, smacks people for no reason, climbs on top of things and falls then runs away

- you think Disco being a runner was bad?? hes 100 times worse, he just runs without saying anything, hes a fast runner too so hes worse

- somehow speaks irish better when hes drunk, sadly no one can understand him because no one around him knows irish

- fights people for no reason, usually ending in him needing to be held, which ends in him falling asleep

Soda Popinski

- hes just a big ball of anxiety since he was a former alcoholic

- Really worried hes gonna do something dumb so he just curls up into a ball and lays on the ground

- will go home as soon as hes drunk, poor man :(

- if he cant go home he'll try to sober up, much to his failure

- holding back tears

Bald Bull

- wayy more affectionate than usual, giddy and a bit more touchy, hes a sweetheart when drunk and due to this, some people have considered keeping him drunk to avoid his anger, this obviously wouldnt work because liver failure is not fun

- unable to get pissed off when drunk, hes just incapable of anger

- will give out hugs

- also bit of a lightweight, flailing around, trying not to fall, only to fall on his ass

- gets very giggly and laughs a whole lot

- after a few minutes, hes barely able to move and ends up needing to be carried home, even then he doesnt shut up

Super Macho Man

- still a douchebag, but a bit kinder

- very aware of the fact hes drunk, so he finishes every kind sentence with "im drunk so dont expect anything like this when im sober"

- passes out then wakes up again like a windows computer

Mr Sandman

- you cant really tell whenever hes drunk or not, the only difference is him smiling a lot more

- not really aware of the fact hes drunk, Just counts himself as tipsy

- the only person you could trust to drive drunk, except you shouldnt because drunk driving is bad

- randomly falls asleep

[ofdreamsanddoodles]

obviously the ideal number of evil alters in fiction is like. zero but i do think razlo is kind of an interesting case bc considering the relative morality of everyone around him, he is fairly normal but also like. in general, trigun has a much more forgiving view on the situation than most stories. like yes finding strange letters in your pocket from another kid talking about how he was fighting ppl while you were unconscious is a little weird but it’s probably the best way to get across what happened when you have amnesia & he was trying to convince livio to stand up for himself. even getting rid of the cat, like livio saved the girl, so obviously razlo takes it upon himself to make sure they never have to be in that situation again, since the only reason jessica was up there was probably to get it down

like his second appearance & the flashback in it i think makes it pretty clear livio & razlo were always on good terms, but also its like. so tragic to introduce razlo as someone who was constantly restrained as a child & valued only for his ability to do violence & saw that guy from the church as like. the ONE adult who he could depend on, bc he was literally fighting the other leaders to insist how useful razlo could be and then. he tries to shoot through him to kill wolfwood. like yes he was looking in the wrong place for affection but he was a kid when he became part of the eye of michael & all he knew was how to be violent & that he didnt want to be alone

[sketching-shark]

Somewhere in the alternate universe macaque doesn’t get that favoritism

I think even for our jttw classic trope of bad guy got redemption arc is indeed everyone favorite monkey: sun wukong

Bc fandom doesn’t have to put in the effort rectify or rework every parts of him in order for u to like him. The novel shows us gis redemption arc and give good basis for the things he do(aka show us his reasoning n motives) despite how atrocious it is

He doesn’t get the woobify effect n that’s pretty neat(i say its pretty hard to even do that. Downside is that some ppl would flatten him into murderous mode 24/7 or “im victim of abuse despite evidence that said the contraire” what i would give to make ppl understand that TANG SANZANG IS NOT EVIL NOR IS ZHU BAJIE

Monkie Kid spoilers and my complaining & kind of exaggerating stuff below so you know the drill kids avert your eyes if you don't want to read that

SIGH YEAH anon like gosh darn when I first started watching Monkie Kid I did not think we'd see the day where Flying Bark would go out of their way to destroy almost all of Sun Wukong's relationships from the og classic and write him as like an entire Bojack Horseman-esque asshole, all while insisting that the Six-Eared Macaque never did anything wrong ever. Said it before & I'll say it again, it genuinely is baffling the extent to which both fanon and canon have rushed to pour tons of time and effort into absolving LEMH of literally everything immediately be rewriting his entire story & by making Sun Wukong even worse than he was at his very worst in Journey to the West (starting to wonder if that's why there's a history of people getting mad if you compare the two works lmao). Plenty of people more eloquent and knowledgeable than I have given great insight into the complexities and nuances inherent in Xiyouji, from the driving motives of its main characters to the larger political and historical context, and while YEAH of course you can't expect a silly lego show to cover most if any of that it has definitely sucked to see the way the characters of all the og pilgrims have been really simplified in often some pretty detrimental ways...that said, there does seem to be more of an effort to depict Tang Sanzang & Zhu Bajie as not entire monkey torturing monsters, so that at least maybe counts as a step in a better direction.