#and i was like thats actually the funniest fucking thing i have ever heard in my entire life

[anotherpapercut]

one of the 3rd graders at work has become very attached to me recently and does not want to leave my side and today he had to go home while he was in another room and one of my coworkers said over the walkie "*kids name* really wants to come say goodbye to you, Orion. he's on his way" and a few seconds later he like burst through the doors, hugged me super tight, and then ran back out of the room. I almost cried

[just-zy]

My Miss President (I)

pairing: Jenna Ortega x Fem Reader!

summary: Jenna was never the type to fall for someone like Y/N, someone who'd always end up in fights, someone you'd often see doing stupid things outside the school premises, someone who always look so arrogant but is an absolute sweetheart. Jenna wasn't into those, considering she's what the school calls 'Ms. President' aka, Miss Perfect. She'd never, right?

A/N: long assed summary, wth.. AU!! (btw they're like, both on the same block..ermm yea)

Warnings!: my shitty ass writing, tad bit violence, bullying, cuss words, lemme know if I have a bunch that needs to be put on warning! (it's fluff I promise..)

part 2 || Masterlist

Jenna's POV:

Such an early bright morning ruined by the one and only, Y/N Y/L/N. What a charmer, she is. For someone who dislikes coming to school, she sure does come to school so early countless of times, actually. I wonder why.

"Hey there, Miss Perfect!" The quiet hallway now echoes her voice, sure as heck taunting me. "What do you want, Y/L/N?" I halt my movements, clutching the folders on my hands, folders that I need to get to the vice principals office.

I hear her chuckling lightly that'd make my head throb for hours. "Why so grumpy in such an early morning-" I turn to face her and start eyeing her up and down. "Start guessing, genius." I rolled my eyes at her, and walked the other way. She didn't back down as she chased me from behind.

"For someone well kept, you sure are hot headed.." That got me standing still, turning my head over to my left, where she was holding her hand to her mouth, her eyes wrinkling, and her body shaking. "What's so funny?" I sneered at her.

"You're cute when you're angry like that."

"Mhm. And seeing you in detention gets me going, to be real with you."

★

The students here weren't really fond of me too much, some say the only reason why they voted for me was because of my first impression towards the debate.

She's too bossy, too strict, too uptight, they say.

My top priority was sending off bullies to detention, even to the vice principal if it ever gets out of hand, because who wants bullies just running about around the school hallways, harassing and throwing insults at random students? But, I guess thats just the treatment I'd get for tonight, not that I was aware or prepared, really.

...

As I patiently waited for my mother to pick me up by the side of the road, in front of the school yard, I heard someone call for me.

"Hey Jenna!"

Before I could even set my eyes on who called for me, I was instantly splashed with a shit amount of water right on my face. It was freezing too.

I audibly gasped then wiped away the liquid in my eyes, my spine shivered after who I set my gaze onto. Jordan and his two other little minions. The school bully, just great.

"Oh– oops! I'm so sorry, I've been really clumsy all day, Miss President..." Both of his associates surrounded me while I shook from the cold wind, it didn't help while I had a thin shirt covering me.

Jordan began moving towards me, just inches away, "What? Who are you going to call now? Huh?" His friends chuckled as if what he said was the funniest thing that's ever gotten out of his mouth. They'd only ever do it because they don't want to end up friendless anyways.

He ushered putting himself on me, pushing me by my shoulders, hard. Making me accidentally slipping on the roads curb.

"Fuck!"

My ears perked up on the audible cuss as he saw me start to massage my ankle.

"W– We have to go, Jordan." His associates have began taking a pity on me just by seeing the state I'm in.

"Go where, exactly?"

After that, I couldn't hear nor see well any longer, considering the tears blurring my eyesight. I was at the brim of breaking, hopefully this doesn't make me skip a few classes.

I wiped my tears away, not a single movement without shivering because of the cold breeze hitting me continuously.

"Y/N– I swear it was an accident—"

Y/N?

"Oh? So you just accidentally poured all that shit onto Jenna?"

"Look– why are you even defending her? She practically sends you off to detention almost everyday!–"

"Just because I deserve that treatment doesn't mean I should get even with her. She's the president for a reason, for crying out loud, let her be when you can't stop doing shit like these!"

Hearing someone defend me who I've constantly put on detention feels weird, and sounds weird.

"Now let me get even with you, Jordan."

I set my gaze towards them and saw Y/N practically throwing herself onto Jordan, her right fist making contact with his cheekbone, hearing a clear crack, making him recoil away from Y/N's fist. No doubt that'll leave a fucked up purple bruise tomorrow. Not even a minute later, Jordan retreated even before everything got out of hand.

"Yeah, run along now Jordan!"

I still had my eyes lingering all over her, how her knuckles were already reddening, how her chest heaved, how her hair got all frizzy because she had her hood on, how her eyes were now staring right back at me–

"You okay?"

I couldn't contain myself, why did I feel warm inside when she asked me that? When not even 10 seconds ago I felt like I was freezing to death.

"Uhm, just cold.."

My eyes felt drowsy, and my ankle was starting to hurt real bad. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Thankfully, my phone didn't get a single droplet from the situation earlier.

Mama

sorry baby, completely lost track of time

was sent off on another shift, call on cab, k?

I'll b sending u money, i love you

Well, that was my last straw. I sobbed by the side of the road, my phone was literally hanging onto 2%, I totally forgot to charge it earlier this morning because I was running late. And I had no extra money to even get on a cab.

"Hey? You good? Here's my hoodie if it'll help you feel better."

I see her beginning to take off her hoodie, she insisted I took off my soaked shirt off, but I completely shut that idea down.

"Come on, you'll get sick if you'd still have that on! Okay– how about uh, you put on the hoodie, then you take off your wet shirt, I'll cover you."

"Okay.."

She helped me put on the hoodie, and looked away while I was practically struggling to get my shirt off.

After a few moments, I finally got it out, the shirt wasn't entirely wet, but she persisted that I still changed. I hastily placed my shirt in my satchel.

"Finished, happy?"

"Very. Now, what happened? Are you okay?"

She was looking at me with such sincerity, her eyes held so much care, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd folded right then.

What?

"My mom can't pick me up– and I have no extra money for a cab. Do you.. perhaps, have extra money?" I hoped that she did, because I can't even stand, for the love of God.

"Uh sorry no, I don't. Why can't you just walk–"

"I slipped and got a sprain."

She creases her brows at me then huffs, she faces her back at me then holds her hand behind her back.

"I'm not getting on your back, Y/N."

She grumbles at my complaints, but she wasn't backing down either. "Do you wanna get home earlier or not? It's almost curfew."

This is so embarrassing.

Gritting my teeth, I began moving to get to her back, but in the process I accidentally placed pressure on my fractured foot, I whined at the nagging pain that coursed through leg. This was gonna be the end of me.

"Loop your hands around my neck so you don't fall off."

"Yeah yeah." I roll my eyes at her as I relentlessly begin hugging her neck gently.

The position I was in right now had me overthinking. Why the heck is she helping me?

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Closing my eyes as I sighed heavily.

"Why are you helping me? Why didn't you just leave me after you've finished chasing them away?" Grumbling on her ear as I said that. "I'm surprised you're not like them, considering you do get yourself in trouble for bullying, bullies."

She lightheartedly chuckles, a sound I'm starting to get enamored of, she wasn't half bad.

"I'm not heartless, Jenna. I help people that I care for."

That got me to a sense, why, why did you care for me when not once did we ever have a civil conversation? Not once did we see eachother eye to eye and not throw banters at eachother.

Why.

"Maybe because it was of how you'd be the only person who can put up with me back-and-forth."

Oh.

"Aren't you.. you know, tired with how long you've been carrying me?"

"It's alright, we're almost at your house, see?"

I gently lift my head up and caught a glimpse of the familiar house I've grown in, "So fast?" I questioned quietly.

"Why? Starting to get comfy back there?"

My cheeks felt warm, flustered, I held on her neck instantly, adding pressure on the way I held onto her. Hearing her cough, I stopped and began laughing. All I received in return were grumble of complaints and discontents.

"We're here, Jenna."

That left me almost disappointed. Almost.

She sets me down before knocking on the door three times. "Here's, you."

We stared at each other while waiting on someone to open the door and escort me in. Her hand is still on my waist, keeping me on my toes. She had this look in her eyes that I can't seem to catch on to.

Someone finally opened the door, there stood my sister, Aliyah. "Jenna! Oh- what's wrong with your foot?"

"Who's this?" My sister inspected what was currently happening. "Why's her hand on your waist."

Always the never ending questions and the probing.

"I sprained my ankle, and Y/N this is Aliyah, Aliyah – Y/N." I tiredly quip. After she looked like she got a puzzle right, only then she helped me get inside. Gosh.

Before I could get in, I held onto Y/N's hand one last time and pulled her towards me, my lips making direct contact with her cheek, our lips almost touching. I didn't dare look her in the eyes after, so I ushered my sister inside.

Practically limping my way in and closing the door harshly right on her face.

Goddamnit, why did I do that?!

______+______

Y/N: Holy shit. The prettiest girl in school just kissed me. On the cheek. Holy. Shit.

*

A: what was that..

J: fuck, I think I like the girl.

A/N: ;))

[sweetzscore]

What if I fakeposted about my ocs. What then

-24 notes

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Me: [after talking about aliens n space for 3 hours] I dunno I just think they’re kinda neat

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Your record is actually four hours

🛸 ang3l-baby

Sometimes I just black out and talk about doctor who a lot too

32 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

Ive had girlfriends before which is really weird because I am the most idiotic loser ever. Bitch what do you see in me

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

This is true you are very much a loser

🎬 samthehotdog follow

I second this

💣 emooooeeeekid

Listen here you little shits

128 notes

🎬 samthehotdog follow

I’m very publicly intersex and my favourite thing about this is that I am a high schooler and my classmates get rlly confused all the time and its so funny

🎬 samthehotdog

I like to ask them why they’re so interested in my dick (or lack thereof) and they usually just combust or something

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

high schoolers are very invasive an insensitive so I like to give them the funniest answers possible

I once told a kid that when I was born they asked me if I wanted a dick or a vag and I couldn’t decide so they gave me one of those multicolour pens where you click down the things to get the new colour

🎬 samthehotdog

That. Is the best thing I have ever heard

241 notes

🍊 bowser-jrjrjrjr follow

Theres so many fucking fags at my school I hate this stupid place

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

What are you doing on this website

🍊 bowser-jrjrjrjr

Stfu tranny

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

I go to OP’s school and I can confirm he is very stupid and mean and nobody with any sense actually likes him

🎬 samthehotdog follow

Lmaooo

339 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

Vent under the cut

read more

💣 emooooeeeekid

Fuckin got you didn’t I

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Go fuck yourself

💣 emooooeeeekid

Don’t mind if I do

🧢 jord-the-trans follow

There’s something wrong with both of you

63 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

>be me

>have a crush on a guy

>guy likes someone else

>other guy is homophobic, used to be my friend but dropped me when I came out

>dont have the heart to tell my crush

Hes gonna get his heart broken either way and like :((( UGHH i just want him to like me

🎬 samthehotdog follow

Oof thats rough pal

🧢 jord-the-trans follow

Yeah Im real sorry abt that Val :(

A little off topic but I didn’t know you had a crush?

💣 emooooeeeekid

Haha nope. No crush here. I dont have any crushes nosireee

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Real subtle mate

42 notes

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Im just gonna make it clear right now if you don’t think that straight aces are lgbt i need you to get the fuck off my blog right now

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

are you vagueposting abt your boyfriend’s haters

🛸 ang3l-baby

Die mad

402 notes

anonymous asked: wait you have a boyfriend ???

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Actually @:reedinthemarsh isn’t my boyfriend he’s my wife

🍬 reedinthemarsh follow

When did we get married also when did I transition???

🛸 ang3l-baby

It’s only a matter of time

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

GELP???

26 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

My parents think that me being non-binary might be confusing for my little brothers but I explained it to them once and they immediately understood, said “okay” and then asked me what my 2nd favourite colour was

13 notes

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

URL check

Cosmic: nope

Girl: nope

Thing: sure why not

[daydream-believin]

a real stand up guy ba dum tss

summary: you get stood up by an internet man. douxie, your waiter and secret admirer, remedies that jackass’s mistake.

warnings: uh. swearing, alcohol, i’m too lazy to proof, the yooj. oh and doux doesn’t know how to handle this crush without getting slightly into stalker territory sorry. its a red flag but i think its cute. you may not think its cute.

a/n: tumblr was glitching while i tried to post this so idk how many paragraphs i accidentally erased. i mean i tried my best to make that number 0. but anyways if something is off let me know. the challenge for this one is that im not allowed to use italics. which you should know was very hard for me agshjfkgjdjh

taglist: @moppetwithamanbun @alovesongshewrote @blixeon @prismarts @fantasyiswaybetterthanreality @ukuleles-and-roses

okay quick psa i know it’s been years so if you want off the taglist just hmu. also if you were on the taglist and got taken off thats bc tumblr says you don’t exist anymore

uh this was a request. i’m not doing requests tho dont think that. looking back yeah that ask if from march 2022 and this doesn’t even match up to what you asked 😂 im so sorry @rose-writes-shit

you took a peek at your watch. 7:34 o’ clock. letting your head fall into the open palm of your propped up hand, you sighed.

coffee meets bagel boy was supposed to have met you at 7:00.

of fucking course. you let your plucky pink-haired coworker convince you to download a fucking dating app and make a profile, just for the only guy who had actually been interested enough in you to ask you on a real date to stand you up. makes sense.

it’s not like you’ve ever had luck with these kind of things. it’s not like you’ve ever had luck period. your kind might be the black cat of humans.

you’ve spent way too long eating the free bread at a mr. benoit’s of all places. it was the “classiest” establishment in the certain suburban hellscape of california you inhabited, albeit. you took in the scenery for the millionth time that night with a renewed sense of disgust. at least now you had a legitimate reason to hate this place.

your waiter slinked over, and you could tell he felt bad for you with the awkward shuffling gait to the pity grimace on his face.

“so, uh, perhaps more bread?”

you rolled your face towards him, arbitrarily throwing animosity his way with your dead eyes, just because he was there. but soon your compulsive desire to be the funniest pathetic wretch in the room won out.

“i’m considering burning this whole place down right now, actually,” you joked.

he grit his teeth, sucking in a breath, “could i perhaps convince you to do that on a night i’m not closing, instead? tomorrow is my least favorite coworker’s turn, for your consideration,”

“hmm,” you pretended to think, “i’ll do that then, it’s only kind,”

“thank you for your generosity,” he grinned, “now, are you still waiting for someone or?”

-

douxie had been watching you for over half an hour now. not creepily. he swears. he just got a little excited when he saw you come into the restaurant is all.

anddd maybe he might have badgered the host into giving you one of his tables. but again, he was just excited. he’s been looking for an excuse to talk to you for the past three months, after all. forgive him for jumping on the opportunity.

he maybe fancied you. just a wee bit. perhaps a rather large bit. or at least, the version of you he’s cooked up in his head from the way he sees you interact with people at house parties and the things he’s heard from zoe.

but he’s sure he’ll love you. as soon as he gets to know who you actually are. which, hopefully, is about to be sooner rather than later.

he did not anticipate this situation, however. whatever benevolent deity blessed him on this night decided to throw a jar of pickled herring in with the otherwise yummy pastry filled gift basket they left for him.

not long after you arrived at 6:56 pm, not that he marked the time you came in or anything he just happened to glance at the clock around that time, he watched you, how they say, deflate. your demeanor shifted from antsy to sad to downright annoyed.

you were dressed nicely. not fancy, not pretending like this wasn’t a benoit’s. but nice. orderly. like you wanted to make a good impression on whoever it was you were expecting to meet. so either a date, or mayhaps a job interview.

not that you didn’t look nice or orderly on other days. you just weren’t in your hex tech uniform shirt. or in the incredibly casual clothes you wore when he saw you around. you were just. clearly cleaned-up, is all.

whoever it was, it was obvious that they were not coming. doux applauded you for being patient enough to wait this long, but again, they obviously weren’t coming. which, if it was a date, was good for him, but bad for you. very bad for you.

and honestly who does this person think they are? letting you down like this? horrible. disgraceful. this person was a grade A jerk-off. they have to be dead from the neck up to leave you waiting here like this, publicly embarrassing you as you sat at a table set for two all alone at one of the busiest restaurants in town. shame on them.

he was glad you seemed to be in the joking mood, however. and about arson, too. oh, he’s always had a soft spot for arsonists.

he hoped you’ll forgive him for having to do his job. if it was up to him, he’d give you all the bread in the pantry just so you wouldn’t leave. but alas, he had to deal the killing blow.

“now, are you still waiting for someone, or?”

your eyes drifted downward to the empty wineglass in your hand as you swirled it sarcastically as if it were still full.

you sighed, “yeah, no, it’s clear he doesn’t plan on showing,” you looked back up at him ruefully, “i’ll order now. i shouldn’t have waited this long for an internet man, anyway, huh? could’ve made it less pathetic.”

“i don’t think there’s a way to make these things any ‘more’ or ‘less’ pathetic,” he began taking out his notepad, ready to write, “because i wouldn’t call it pathetic at all. getting stood up is a thing that’s done to you, not because of who you are, but because of who someone else chooses to be… unless you stole this guy’s car or something. then it’s your fault.”

you laughed. genuinely.

“no, no, it’s a first date. i haven’t known this guy long enough to steal his car yet. but thanks… that’s. a better outlook than mine. kinder,” you apologized, “… uh, can i have like, the cheapest bottle of white wine you’ve got back there? the whole thing this time.”

“i take it back. that definitely made it pathetic.”

while you shared a laugh, douxie mentally congratulated himself. you had just given him the information that a) you were single and b) you were into men. a good day to be a charming single man, then. he had a chance.

“so are you ordering any real food as well? or did you plan on just having wine and bread for dinner? have to say, i don’t think that’s wise, love.”

“well i suppose i gotta, since, i’ve, uh, eaten three baskets of complimentary bread,” you stumbled over your words for a second there, “and i’m sure it’d make the manager mad if it didn’t, right?”

“right you are. he’s uh,” douxie lowered his voice, “he’salreadybeenonmydickaboutyou so yeah, you gotta. plus i’m just— you should eat something, yeah.”

you awkwardly turned your attention to the menu as you did that thing where you hold it and pretend to look over the menu as you order like you forgot or something, “the duck confit sounds good for tonight, i think,”

douxie snorted.

“no, no, that wasn’t a joke,” you shook your head, smiling fondly, “i actually just like duck, i promise. no sarcasm. i do understand the irony though. i get it.”

he didn’t completely believe you, “well then, one order of duck confit, coming right up. be back shortly, love.”

doux grabbed the breadbasket on his way out.

when he glanced back to throw you a short and unnoticeable but longing stare, as he paused in the kitchen doorway, you were fidgeting with the flowers on the table. he should get that order in now.

-

when your waiter came back with food, he placed two plates down on the table. you looked at him like he had suddenly grown a second head as he took the other seat as well.

“what are you—“

“i called in a favor with the owner. i’m still working but, i’ve got a bit of free time now. if you don’t mind me joining you,”

you shook your head in astonishment.

“not at all,” you smiled, still absolutely flabbergasted that this man would do something like this for you, “you’re douxie, right? zoe’s mentioned you a lot.”

“oH—,” he coughed, “oh, uh, she has?“

“yeah,”

he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, “only good things, i pray?”

“oh, sure. sure. good things,” you took a demure little sip of your glass to torture him with the pause implying the contrary.

he swallowed audibly. nervous, then. what dirt did zoe have on him. you watched as he awkwardly shoved up the sleeves of his shirt, perhaps feeling a bit warm now. it was cute.

you’d be sure to ask zoe all about him later. how could you not. this was the most interesting thing to happen all year. and it’s december.

you racked your brain for what you knew of this guy for conversation topics.

“you’re in zoe’s band, right? the lead guitarist.”

his face lit up at the mention of it, “oh, yes. you’ve seen us?”

“once or twice, i believe.”

it wasn’t really your thing, live music. you mostly hung around the back of the bar when you got dragged to shows. you liked loud, sometimes. just not often. it really depended on how your brain was feeling that day.

“well, you’ve gotta come to the next gig, then, at least. i’m sure zoe’s already invited you?” you nodded. “the venue’s holding a wee little music festival, it’s going to be nuclear,”

“ah, that’s fun,” you smiled. that sounded like hell but now that two very enthusiastic wizards have invited you, you don’t have the heart to weasel your way out of it. you’ll bring the “XTREME” ear plugs.

“but yeah, the bands great. i love that i get to play with my mates now. a team that works as well together as we do is rare, so i really appreciate them.”

“speaking of,”

doux hummed inquisitively.

“what’s going on with zoe and that new girly y’all’ve got on the drums?”

“oh,” he paused to take a sip, narrowing his eyes mischievously, “they’re boning.”

you clasped your hands together excitedly, “thank you! you’ve just won me a betting pool.”

he almost had to spit the wine back into his glass,“hhhh. how many?”

“oh, just the entirety of the hex tech arcadia staff.”

“i’m not sure she’ll be happy to hear that.”

“which is why you won’t tell her, mr. casperan,” you placed your hand over his with a cheshire cat grin.

well, he couldn’t argue with that.

dinner progressed. alas, you can’t say you lingered as long as you wanted to on conversation. you were kinda rushing things because you felt a little guilty doux was getting someone to cover for him while you had your little date. was this a date. it had to be. as mentioned, he’s going out of his way for this, and you can’t imagine he’d go through all this trouble because he wasn’t interested in you. but then again, you couldn’t believe he was interested in you either.

“do you like cryptozoology?” douxie tried his best to ask nonchalantly while he scratched the bridge of his nose to look a little less interested. he was feeling a bit energized since talking about the band. you had been paying attention to him like he’d been paying attention to you, if only in passing.

“a tad more than the average californian wizard, why?”

“well, later this weekend, i’ve got a job exterminating a goblin infestation in the next town over,”

“snelling?”

“yeah, snelling. the guy i was partnering with told me he was backing out this morning, so now i’ll be going it alone. and im sure you know how fighting goblins alone usually goes.”

“makes it easier for them to gang up on you, yes.”

“see, that’s why i’m asking if you’d be interesting in taking his place?”

“well, i’ve got the weekend off and nothing to do,” he knew that, he got the hex tech schedule from zoe every week(to know how to schedule band practice. and, if he also took a peak at your schedule, it was purely accidental. yeah.), “so, i don’t see why not.”

doux grinned, both relieved he wouldn’t be fighting goblins alone, and feeling clever that he found an excuse to spend more time with you, “perfect, i’ll text you the details? but, oh, i don’t have your number do i?”

you were about to ask why he couldn’t just tell you in person right now, but he said that soo hammy. it took .01 seconds to understand what he was doing. you snorted.

“okay, okay, here,” you held out your hand and he gladly placed his unlocked phone in your hand. you made the contact and sent yourself a text of the first emoji he had in his recents, which happened to be🫀. ah, a goth romantic. you gave him back his phone.

“perfect. thank you, love.” he tucked the phone into his chest dramatically before placing in back into his pocket.

you rolled your eyes fondly, “you know, goblin smashing isn’t exactly my idea of the perfect second date, you might have to turn up the charm.”

“oh, i’m sure i’ll make it worth your while,” he let his head fall into his palm propped up on the table, gaze going soft, “so was this a perfect first date, then?”

you laughed, “hardly. all things considered. but—“

“but?”

“but i’m glad it happened this way. i’ve had a good time, mr. casperan.”

he grinned in agreement, “me too.”

you put your hand on top of the one he left resting on the table, and he took the opportunity to take that hand and gently lay a kiss to the top of your knuckles. he lingered for a moment, eyes shut tight to take in the tenderness of the moment.

alas, he has to go back to work now.

doux pulled out your chair and helped you to your feet. you thanked him as he started stacking the dishes.

“should i—?”

“no, god no,” he chuffed, “i’m the waiter, remember? i work here.”

“oh yeah.”

that reminded you. you shuffled for your wallet, but he stopped you.

“i’m paying for dinner, love. go enjoy the rest of your evening, i’ll text you after i close.”

“you sure?” it didn’t really sit right with you, considering he probably took a pay cut by not working the whole time you were on this little “date.”

“well,” he paused, and placed the dishes back onto the table for time being, “you could leave me a tip, if you know what i mean. just a teeny thing—“

“c’mere,” you snickered as you pulled him down by the lapels to kiss him.

chaste, just a peck. but perfect and sweet all the same.

when you pulled back, you watched as douxie held his eyes closed for just a moment longer than he need to before letting that blinding all encompassing smile bloom across his face.

“well then, a very goodnight to you, y/n l/n.”

[polyhexian]

Murder drones pre-finale marathon begins. The new episode actually starts airing in two minutes but I wanted to wait until nightfall anyway. And also I want to be able to pause if like. I spill a drink or something. And my roommate left so now I have the house to myself. So it's time for a rewatch!!!

First thing is the same thing I always note when i watch the pilot again. It's incredible how MUCH the animation has improved over the last few years. And it was already great! I have also noted only the first episode has their eyes floating inside their visors rather than displayed on top, so when they turn their head to the side you can see both eyes. I definitely like the update.

The first episode also includes a lot of extra exaggerated subtle motion thats supposed to give it life but makes it look ever so slightly like motion capture rather than animation with intent behind it. The rigs improve so much along with the lipsync. And they were ALREADY good.

Tho, like future episodes, it can be a little too literally dark at times. That's why I want to watch it at night so badly; daytime screen glare really is a nuisance.

The humour is still perfect though. Absolutely incredible comedic timing. It's so SNAPPY and knows exactly how long to make a shot, how far to take a joke. And everyone's line delivery is positively incredible. Michael kovac is truly living for this role lol. He just sounds so delighted the entire time.

The score for MD is always great but they certainly have less diversity in episode one.

"sure. I love doing anything!" Is the single funniest line delivery I've ever heard in my life.

It's so funny seeing the v intro scene again because it's like. "Oh god, who are you?" Is so funny because. She can't see him. V knows exactly who he is because they've known each other forever. But she needs glasses lmfao. She's like oh god what the fuck who are you because he's a blob. Foreshadowing you don't know is foreshadowing!!

"I left an extremely dangerous we- excuse outside!" Fhjrjdjr

I love how n's legs look. They just have this extremely satisfying style the way they're designed. I actually like v and J's weird hips and legs but since there's only three murder drones anyway I think they should have given J something different. they fit V to a T but I think you could do something different for J that was more specifically her and offer some more design diversity! J should have feet. Maybe some smart Business Heels or something. Or, she's got kind of a very light gothic Lolita thing going on. Idk.

God I love when Khan abandons Uzi and even N is like damn that was fucked up wow.

Im hoping to get a bit of closure on this in the end but J's entire shtick is the whole business boss thing. But obviously we know now that earth has Exploded so. There isn't a company left sending orders. N notes SOMEONE was sending her orders and we know that was Cyn as Tessa and I suspect J does not know Tessa is Cyn, but technically that's not confirmed I think. But sort of. J's big ol business thing. I wonder if we may get further context on that personality trait.

It's VERY funny watching Doll in this episode like girl why ain't you doing anything

LOVE how N just picks her up like a cat and puts her on his shoulders. Just like it's nothing. Up you go, Uzi!

Love how the stinger at the end of uzi laughing maniacally about killing all humans never really comes to anything. Like it sets it up as if that's the plot, they're going to go attempt to do that. But no lol that's nothing

Next episode we go!

[jadedharleys]

dave strider for the character ask thing?

favorite thing about them

his speech patterns enchant me

least favorite thing about them

that andrew hussie wrote him. yknow what i mean. hes so great at character writing but sometimes...

favorite line

oh god how can i choose ONE good dave line. the entire apple juice conversation at the very beginning is absolutely iconic. also the jupiter bit is quite funny. the whole conversation with dirk where he actually talks abt his traumatic childhood

^ this is so fucking stupid but it makes me cackle every time

^ does this even need a caption

^ one of the funniest scenes in the entire comic if im being real

i could go on for forever but i must stop here

brOTP

i do love pepsicola but also. imagine. john and dave as besties who maybe get a bittttt gay sometimes but like shhhh. they chill.

OTP

davekat rules i love yaoi but . i gotta go davejade here . childhood friends to lovers AND . the one pixel smile . like theyre so sweet but tragic and sometimes messed up but still soft and . theyre like straight yuri to me.

nOTP

hisses through teeth. why must large fandoms and sibling characters mix in such ways. i will stop there.

random headcanon

albino mixed asian guy (dirk has white boy surfer ecto dna and roxy would be of some kinda asian descent if she wasnt a paradox clone but i cant fuckin make up my mind for more specific than that help) + wears sunglasses bc light sensitivity. scars easily and has a ton from training w bro. thats like 5 headcanons in one whoops

unpopular opinion

shouldve been more texan. "thats just about the saddest thing i ever heard get said" please more of this. let me have my southern brethren.

song i associate with them

modern man by arcade fire and eight by sleeping at last

favorite picture of them

so silly

[fated-normal-767]

That’s the funniest fucking thing I have ever heard . Thats - god . Can you fucking imagine . That’s so . Giggling about it softly right now .

What about Ares ? Whatre they like if they meet.

ares thinks malware is just a little bit insufferable but tolerates him . he doesn't see the resemblance. they get along quite well actually because Ares is fully expecting to be called 'mr usotsuki' when they first met and we all know they hate that, but malware goes with 'ms usotsuki' and Ares starts thinking that it makes her sound like her mother and almost starts crying from joy.

[driflew]

i acknowledge that it is actually Wednesday and not sunday, but at the time my reminder notification went off i was in “the horror genre part of the woods” (description from a friend) for a photography project so i was not able to do the thing

anyway, six fun facts about heliography 2!

1. i have had the zombie thing written for. months. it’s one of my fave bits of lamplight world building and ive just been SITTING on it. god im so glad that is out you have no idea

2. i said in the authors note i gave Martyn an épée bc thats what i use and this is true but the full truth is that it would be... not ideal in an actual fight. it’s dueling weapon and not a battle weapon. however this is my fic and my rules so it’s basically fine  

that said here’s a convo from discord abt my choice to give him an épée that still makes me laugh 

my other fun fact is the line about the bell guard being dented being a bad thing is the funniest to me personally bc that’s just... it just happens to bell guards. it doesnt make it a damaged or bad weapon the way the fic implies. my bell guards are all fucked. every time ive bought a new weapon the other ppl in my weapon have immediately looked at the still-reflective guard and commented it was too shiny and they were going to change that 

3. there were so many ways the middle of this chapter could have went.... i had like 100000 fucking ideas that i came up with and scrapped due to not being quite right or disliking how the pacing of the overall fic felt by having too much or too little. deciding to combine the food scene and the river scene saved my life

4. honestly the whole reason i mentioned Martyn used to have a lute was bc i just. i know. in my heart of fucking hearts. if that man ever encounters lamplight--something that is possible due to cherri cherrifire rooting on my downfall constantly--that the first thing he is going to say is gonna be some shit like “paladin? i would definitely be a bard” and regardless of whether or not that is a valid assessment it IS going to make me scream like a godamn banshee. so. canonical acknowledgement. he just swapped classes alright

5. dont actually know if those zombies were dogwarts’ citizens. i didnt decide while writing it, i went back and forth between citizens and adventurers who fell victim to the watchers and decided to leave it vague. i do enjoy everything ive heard ppl say about them tho

6. the river scene is from a joke from the old lamplight gc between me, haunted, and three other friends. it’s like.... november old. week one or two of the fic existing old. i have been sitting on that stupid thing for so long. i am so fucking glad it’s free

[boypussydilf]

i know u asked for sherlock and iris for the character relationshjips ask game SO if someone else hasnt sent them yet do them but i want to hear you ramble abotu homumiko also. [holding you at gunpoint]

as you know i got a homumiko ask already but everyone look at it again “basil its long and incomprehensible and most of your followers dont even really know who these guys are” LOOK AT THEM. THEYRE KINDA WEIRD

ANYWAY !!!!!!! YAYYAYAYAYA IRIS AND SHERLOCK YAAAAAAAY. this post is probably gonna get long too so heres my eyecatch so people who dont wanna read all that are still forced to see them

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

tumblr is being buggy with this post.

God…. how do i…. they have so much going on …. lets start with the basics hes her dad. Obviously. thats her dad. he was handed a baby and just went Ok!!!!!!!! and took care of her forever. thats her dad. Iris’ main, initial frame of reference for The World and Being A Person is This Fucking Guy.

There is also the fact that thru most of the games she is not Calling Him her dad </3 consequences of. him telling her hes not her dad ansbJSHJSNSJSNSJSNWJS. even still as ryuu & susato say they have a parent child relationship … for the jokes abt iris being more lkke the parent of course which Is True and a Straightforward Joke But Still Really Funny. but he still is. like. The Dad Equivalent. Her Guardian. even when not actually Her Dad. they have a mutual duty of care. Sherlock makes sure they have money to buy food & Iris actually Makes Edible Food and thats about it you know.

they have the funniest fucking dynamic. Ever,. they treat each other like Equals. they talk to each other like Colleagues. They literally try to steal money from each other. iris bullies him all of the time and he also sort of bullies her back. Iris walks around loudly announcing embarrassing facts about him in public and Sherlock yells at her about it and no one feels bad and they love each other. and she kicks him. theyre so funny

Basically just. thats her dad. they are also best friends being each others constant companions for ten years (Because he raised her from birth). they steadfastly look out and care for each other. and every morning they wake up and try to invent new ways to be mean to each other

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

in terms of Their Relationship Dynamic there is no way to improve upon it. there is nothing to change. theyre perfect. this is the best relationship ever. but i still of course have lots of headcanons about them. where do i even begin

for one thing as is probably already clear i thimk every day abt what capcom refuses to give us answers on: Iris’ Early Childhood and The Process Of Sherlock Raising Her. please i wanna know what that was like. And continues to be like tbh its just not something we see much bc its not relevant to ryuus side of things…… First of all: he has undeniably tried his best to take care of her and done an overall good job. look at her. Mikotoba would not have trusted sherlock with an entire fucking baby if he was not confident the man could like. Handle It. Successfully keep another human alive and make sure she comes out overall well adjusted and all that. But hes still. Sherlock Holmes (Ace Attorney Character). He. again. does not seem to have any perspective on what to prioritize. I just think he went “okay time to teach iris The Basics” and then jumped straight from “heres how to write your name” to giving her lectures on something he learned the other day about aerodynamics and skipped over a bunch of stuff in between and didn’t really realize until she, like, saw an owl and went UNAUTHORIZED FUCKING BEAST? because she was like 5 and had still never heard of an owl.

Also im glad everyone in the world independently got up and thought “he definitely took that baby to crime scenes” because he definitely took that baby to crime scenes. Like. As everyone has said 200 times. What the hell else is he gonna do? He has to take cases or he DIES. There is no one he is close enough to for him to go Hey take my baby for a while. He’s broke as fuck permanently he cant PAY someone to watch her. Come on 8 month old child who’s still figuring out how to, like, Exist, let’s go Solve A Mystery. I don’t think she’s ever, like, seen a dead body, though. It’s all in my head, you understand, I have the whole escalation of it in my mind - when shes a Really Tiny Baby he has to just focus on Watching Her and can only take the kind of cases that can be solved sitting in the living room (he is going insane), then when he gets past the “what if i stop paying attention to her for ONE SECOND and she EXPLODES” phase he can do stuff that actually requires Investigation, then the second she’s able to Talk he goes Yeah that probably means she can Help with investigations now. and shes iris so hes right. I think 1-5 is prrrrrrobably her first Murder Investigation though. shes a little girl! you don’t take a little girl to a murder scene! Except under special circumstances!

This veered in … some slightly different direction than just Their Relationship i guess but fuck dude it was fun. Like. I like them. I think about them. i think sherlock went oh god oh fuck i dont know what children are like whats good for children *thinks about him as a child* I WAS WEIRD WASNT I THAT WONT WORK *iris turns out to be Just Like Him* Oh thank god here 4 year old child take this chemistry set and scrap metal. Go wild.

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

I swear to god ive probably said this on 80% of these ask game responses: I like family. They family. all ace attorney games kind of have a Found Family cast in the end, but they dont generally refer to characters who dont have clear cut straightforward straight up family relationships As Family, except DGS, which has ryuu explicitly call them His Family, and, and, I don’t know that the themes of The Importance Of Family & Family Being Something You Can Choose play a huge role in the story of dgs itself in most places, esp the Chosen Family bit, but its THERE, in ryuu calling the gang his wonderful family & iris adopting him and susato as her siblings & mikotoba caring for asougi like his son and Most Prominently, Iris Calling Sherlock Her Dad. which i will elaborate on the importance of in a minute but anyway i just think theyre really cute and really funny

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

YOU REMEMBER THAT THING I SAID BRIEFLY IN THE HOMUMIKO ASK ABT MEETING SOMEONE RIGHT WHEN U REALLY NEED IT. *pulls out yet another pepe silvia style conspiracy board* Here i actually made a chart.

I don’t remember almost anything abt the mainline AA series, only remember this bc I’ve seen it mentioned so much, and don’t even remember it clearly enough to know for sure if it’s Dialogue From The Game or just Conclusions People Reached but you know that shit about, Phoenix gets disbarred and its A Bad Time For Him but its Less Bad Than It Could Have Been because at the same time he gets Trucy and now he has Trucy. Like. Same concept. “Accidental Child Acquisition leading to Better Ability To Cope With The Shit That Just Happened In Your Life” is more common than you might think apparently. Inspiring! Every Day This Man Holds Off Emotional Breakdown Until AFTER His Baby Is Fed

If i was ever going to say more about his side of things thanjudt. All That. i forgor. shes dotter. incontext the “i raised you well!!” line is just , a joke abt him being proud of her for something He Very Much Does Not Ever Do Himself but still like WAH . proud of dotter.

Anyway originally i was like, what the hell can I say about iris? That’s her dad and that’s about it. And then I went Simon are you fucking STUPID? THATS HER DAD. THATS THE POINT. God… oh my god …….

Basically!! Returning to the point about Choosing Who Your Family Is and how Sherlock & Iris and specifically Iris calling him her dad for the first time (since we met her) is the most prominent example in the game!!!

Iris’s Whole Deal™️ is she got her World Changed by finding out sherlock wasn’t her “real” dad and her dad was Some Guy She’s Never Met and now she goes then who the fuck IS my dad? Where do I come from? Who Am I? and her Search For Her Dad, Desire To Meet Him, & Attempt To Feel Closer To Him By Reading His Notes And Putting Herself In His Shoes is like. a big part of her identity. For like maybe almost half her life up to this point too!! And …… then she gets closer & farther away & closer & farther away and she decides Susie & Ryuu r her Siblings and somewhere in all of this. decides it doesnt matter quite That much who her “Real” Dad is because shes not defined by her biological father and she already. Has a dad. cries. And. And. And because of the time she spent Not Thinking Of Sherlock As Her Dad it means hes her dad ultimately because She Decided It . not bc he or anyone else said it should be like that but bc she decided he is her dad.

So like . you know. starts sobbing in the streets. anyway they r just both very very important to each other

favorite interaction they have in canon

First prize goes to the off-screen interaction Iris mentions in the credits where she gave him a note that just said like “thank you for everything daddy!” and he read it and started crying. Its like. The ONE thing about dgs2 i remembered with Clarity. in the years between my first & second times watching dgs i thought about it often and i still do.

Second prize goes to her going “oh its just a wax figure see *KICKS HIM AS HARD AS SHE CAN*” itsso fucking funny. that was not necessary. at all. she just wanted to kick him huh

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

FUCK UMMM. UHHHHH. i already kind of talked about it but even though i dont think its really even IMPLIED? that sherlock has ever taken her to Investigate A Case? she just stays at home generally? In my heart she goes with him and helps out somet8mes. i want to see it.

what else. obvious and not really the kind of thing id put in this category generally but like Iris finds out her dad was klimt when. hey fuckos!! When r u going to tell her !!!

alsgo i have a weakness for Older Iris content like ough my god 🥺🥺 ou my goed 🥺🥺😭 She growed. one day she will not be the most powerful 10 year old in the world she will be the most powerful 20 year old in the world. show me !! show me !! I want to see!! she is going to do so fuckinf much its unreal!!

Finally, i thought of this ages ago for reasons now forgotten to me and just remembered it today. sherlock & iris & date & mizuki hangout. tehyre *checks notes* girls who do violence on their dads sometimes and that’s about it but its funny right

In conclusion: kiss on top of iris little baby head. appreciate her

[ess-presso]

your fic recs have been absolutely superior so ty. my turn! engraved upon my heart (in letters deeply worn) by inkpot_winters - jegulus little women au. need i say more. (also bc little women was in your top books)

taylor time! sad beautiful tragic, the moment i knew, and the way i loved you! ( i keep thinking im repeating ones ive already said so if i give u one i already said just ignore it LOL)

chat time!

drarry being a guilty pleasure is so real. like drarry and jegulus is same ship different font so u cant go wrong.

and being used as a personal grammarly by friends? SO real. my best friend cant spell for shit and ive been her dictionary and autocorrect since we kids.

okay but red converse is so james of you. i have red converse as well (i think i wore nothing but my red converse for an entire year when i was 16) but i like to change it up with my green or black converse too (i drew stars and moons all over the rubber part on my black ones because. i have to make everything in my life about wolfstar obviously)

GREEK MYTHOLOGY KIDS UNITE! this makes me so happy. truly a superior breed. i guess my obsession just bled into my academic career and here i am LOL. and dont worry, caecilius est in horto is a joke here too (at least it was in my intro to latin class, i feel like the average canadian would be lost)

love that u want to save lives. thats so cool of u. my best friend is a nursing student and shes the most badass person ive ever met so maybe its a prerequisite to be cool if u save lives.

(also wanting to be an agent after watching a spy movie is SO REAL like i swear my divine purpose becomes being a cool ass kicking agent, until reality dawns on me and i remember im just. a random person)

your top books list is so good. i love little women SM & ive heard so many good things about if we were villains (i really need to get on reading that)

also JUMANJI i love that movie. so good. and the hunger games movies ofc just classics at this point. and help the woman calling herself the kim k of businesswomen in the apprentice is so funny some people say the funniest things.

id love to visit new york too. concrete jungle where dreams are made of, obviously. the big gulp cup. god i want one too. (we have them in canada but i think ours are way smaller?)

your jewelry sounds so cool. i love the hp pandora bracelet thats so cool & rings! i love rings sm i cannot leave the house without them.

pop tarts & chinese takeout is such a good combination. perfect comfort food fr.

and a fellow cat person! i like dogs but i love cats sm. i have 3 and theyre my most favourite little creatures on the planet.

an INFJ! very remus of u. (at least i think hes an INFJ? idk i saw a tiktok about it lol) im an INTJ so im living up to my reg kinnie status.

stars is such a good choice. i will always be a star person too (and hello? im an ex-astronomy student too thats so funny). theyre just so pretty and i swear i could stare at them for hours.

christmas is my fav holiday too!! ive actually always wanted to visit london at christmas time it sounds so nice. do you get much snow during the winter? we dont get much snow here so honestly anywhere that gets snow at christmas sounds great to me.

I ACTUALLY DONT KNOW WHY I THOUGHT JAMES OPENED THE DOOR??? i think i read some dumb thing somewhere where he opened the door wearing a lightning mcqueen costume and it really stuck with me😭 i guess i decided that was canon to me LOL

question answer time!

fav rarepair - oh god i dont even know. i tend to always enjoy the more popular ships. although i did read a fake dating fic where james and evan fake dated to make barty and reg jealous, and ofc barty and reg fake dated to make james and evan jealous. (a star for a summer's day by moony_reggie if u wanna check it out!) so ill say james x evan. they had more chemistry together than i would've expected.

fuck marry kill james sirius remus - GOd. i cant even answer that question thats like the hardest thing anyone has ever asked me. uhmmm ill fuck them all, and then marry them all. if i had to kill someone itd be myself because i cannot be responsible for any of their deaths THEYVE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH!!

place i wanna visit - id love to visit new zealand. im a HUGE lord of the rings fan and they filmed the movies there so id die if i ever got the chance to visit. ive actually always wanted to visit london too (and a lot of the UK in general, especially wales and scotland) as well as italy & greece! i visited both on a school trip a few years ago and it was a dream come true but id love to go back.

fav book/book series - another brutal question but ill try:

picture of dorian gray

song of achilles

percy jackson series

shadowhunter chronicles (yes its the incest series NO THEYRE NOT ACTUALLY SIBLINGS I SWEAR! we dont talk about it.)

mara dyer series by michelle hodkin (underrated and so good)

hp series ofc

hunger games ALWAYS.

six of crows duology my beloved <3

most embarrassing thing ive ever done - oh man. okay lets see. when i was in 10th grade i had to take a spanish oral final at the end of the school year but i am an ANXIOUS woman and did not wanna do that so i skipped my spanish class until the end of the year. my best friend was in my class and my teacher kept asking her where i was until one day she told my teacher i had CHLAMYDIA and thats why i was gone. i guess her excuse worked because the teacher never asked again. the next year any time i saw that teacher in the hall she gave me a funny look but . i guess mission success? i never did have to take that final so. LOL

favourite thing i own - i have a set of lightsabers (yes im a star wars nerd (derogatory)) but also i have the ring from the lord of the rings! my precious truly.

if my life was a movie - i truly dont think my life is interesting enough to have an exciting title. i think the best i can come up with is "the underwhelming adventures of a crazy cat lady and her books". and thats just like abysmal so.

YOUR TURN!

do u have any pets?

fav fanfic trope?

do u have any weird talents?

whats your gas station order?

fav flower/plant?

fav planet?

and simply because now i have to know, most embarrassing thing youve ever done?

fav instrument sound? (like what sounds most pleasing to your ear)

and thats all! i eagerly await your responses and in the meantime ill be over here doing a little dance.🕺

-bee

bee hello hello hello 👋 i missed u <333

jegulus little women au ??? on god , sign me up for this right the fuck now. (& little women is genuinely so good. amylaurie truther 5ever>>>>)

(fic rec for u - no bright line by lady_grey - w/ sirius being an actor, remus being a historian & lily being the filmaker & matchmaker who fixes them up. james and harry are just there for the vibes honestly.)

tay tay -

sad beautiful tragic - JEGULUS - ‘long handwritten note’ - HELLO???? mr rab with the locket?? ‘kiss me try to fix it’ james trying to tell regulus to come and come that he’ll save reg , but reg already knowing he’s beyond repair. ‘for the life of us we can’t get back’ WHAT WHAT. they should’ve been happy your honour. ‘we both wake up in lonely beds in different cities’ the different places they wake up in especially during the summer holidays. ‘beautiful magic love there. what a sad beautiful tragic love affair.’ THEM THEM THEM THEY HAD SOMETHING SO SPECIAL AND THEY WERE SO TRAGIC.

the moment I knew- BLACK BROTHERS- i had to think about this one because I didn’t think anyone of my ships would betray each other like in this song. just not turn up or anything. BUT OF COURSE ! black brothers angst. i can just imagine sirius being like ‘bro i’m coming to your party bro’ & reg waiting but he doesn’t come because he’s getting smashed with the marauders. AHHHHH OH MY GOD NOW I’M ALL HURT. ‘your close friends seem to know when there’s something wrong’ - James being all ‘sup reg what up with u dude u seem a little depresso.’ i can just feel this song. very them .

the way i loved you - JEGULUS - i love this in the context of that jegulus had to break up and bartylus begins but then reg keeps thinking of james , like to me ‘frustrating intoxicating complicated’ is something reg would SO use to describe james. (ps - i’ve heard people use this for remus-grant in which it’s remus singing the song about sirius which i also agree with!)

now chatting time-

drarry ! i love them so much ! ‘harry had never been less interested in quidditch, he was rapidly become more and more obsessed with draco malfoy’ like BRO . i know what you are. ‘the boy who lived’ more like the ‘bi who lived’

and the personal dictionary thing is so real , isn’t it? it’s always like ‘ess check this’ ‘ess is there an a in definite’ ‘ess why is there a red line under this word’ .

and yes i agree red converse is very very james of me ! i love them so much they’re very dear to me. and green and black converse ??? very slytherin of you (i think the stars are so real of you #wolfstar5ever) i actually have a pair of stars converse !! on the little flap thingy , there is a little moon stitched on as well! when i saw them i was like ‘ i must own these’.

AND YES GREEK MYTHOLOGY FOREVER !!!! WE ARE THE BEST !!! the trojan horse was my obsession as a kid lmfao. i love that you took it to the next step though i could never do latin for so long ! (and i’m glad caecilius est in horto carries everywhere. it’s a staple of latin classes honestly.)

AND YESSSS saving lives is for cool people only ? are u a loser ? do you want to save lives ? if yes then u are no longer a loser ! (and nurses are definitely badass good on your best friend for opting for that)

(after the movies end i always be in the toilets staring into the mirror having an existential crisis like ‘well i’m gonna be in the mi6 now better get to training’ then the toilet flushes behind me and i get back to reality.)

little women ❤️❤️❤️❤️ (the 2019 movie >>>) ( and yes you must read iwwv that book changed my brain chemistry forever)

AND JUMANJI JUST SLAPS SO HARD HONESTLY!!! kevin and the rock together >>> . AND THIS YEAR’S APPRENTICE is on crack fr. if you watch it , you’ll notice there’s one guy who looks exactly like the hyde , honestly. and lord sugar saying ‘i hear you own a pest control business. any tips on how to get rid of piers morgan’ LIKE BRO YOU WENT HARD.

yes new york oh my god new york seems like the place that would make or break u. (not to mention that americans are a bit of a novelty here . like the candies , the cheetos the accents >>>) AND THE AMERICAN BIG GULP IS LIKE HUMONGOUS. HUGE . I must try it. (you have them in canada ??? that’s so cool)

RINGS ARE SO COOL. makes me feel all mysterious n shit , but i do too much lab work to handle wearing them all the time.

pop tarts & chinese takeout are simply superior. i don’t make the rules??

YOU HAVE CATS ??? I DON’T (yet. i plan on getting a black cat with green eyes. but a black cat) THAT’S SO SWEET AND AWESOME AND COOL AHHHHH. cats are so adorable honestly. (what are the kitties names ? i must know them and shower them with love from me !)

and yes INFJ !!! i love chocolate , but unfortunately i am not a werewolf so not totally remus. INTJ?? you little reg kinnie i see you there.

stars honestly i love them. light pollution is just so damning in london though. (and what??? that’s such a freaky coincidence oh my god !!!)

AND YES CHRISTMAS I LOVE CHRISTMAS !!! we did get snow last year but it melted pretty fast. We actually got frost a couple days ago , but not proper snow. i’m waiting for a real proper snow day again where the snow actually stays for ages. and lmfao you don’t get snow in canada ?? whenever i imagine canada i always think of three things - snow , maple syrup & mooses. it upsets me that not all of these things are everywhere in canada.

AND LMFAO NOT THE JAMES DOOR THING ??? it’s such a funny little thing because i see people bashing him for being dumb and opening the door and i’m like ‘guys.no’ (but he defo was wearing a costume.like that’s just the truth .)

your questions -

just enjoying the popular ships and not having a rarepair is so real of u. like yes i’m a basic bitch and i just want my jegulus + wolfstar. so what?? (and james & evan?? hmm never heard that before , i’m gonna have to check it out.) my rarepair is really really weird. brace yourself. it’s pansy x percy. i read one fic with them and i thought that was really cool so i think they’re sweet to read now and then! (the fic was the secretary by pacificrimbaud btw - recced by me but do read the tags for extra warnings ik not everyone likes that. it has wild child personal assistant pansy and rude controlling boss percy.)

not being to choose between them is so real . (me however ?? fuck james marry sirius kill remus. love u moonpie but mummy’s got a job to do.)

visiting places where movies got filmed is so surreal though isn’t it ?? and a lotr fan?? my mate’s one and she gave me the silmarillion to read for xmas . (it’s going to take me at least seven months to read because i read (1) page and got confused already.) AND VISIT LONDON YESSS !! very cool here usually , as long as you don’t bump into any roadmen. (I also want to go to italy and greece. Especially venice and athens >>>)

your fave books , i’m going through one by one

podg - isn’t ben barnes in the movie ?? so many edits i’ve seen of him with potd scenes , honestly i’ve got to read the book (& watch the movie of course , to sate my desire.)

‘name one hero who was happy’ & ‘ i am made of memories’ haunt me forever.

pjo is honestly so iconic. i’m waiting for the big old series to come out now.

IS THIS THE ONE BASED ON RON X GINNY FIC ?? like the one that goes ‘you’re my sister , my blood , i should want to protect you’ 😀😀😀 but i trust your judgement here bee!

never heard of this one. but i did just search it up , and the blurb is interesting so i’ve added it to my tbr !

hp did have my little year five self in a chokehold.

THE HUNGER GAMES OH MY LORD >>>>> peeta mellark and his baby bombs my god>>>

and soc ! i would read it except i have been spoiled for a certain chapter 40!

NOT YOU SKIPPING THE SPANISH CLASSES BECAUEE YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO THE ORAL??? just say me llamo been and pass the exam 🤨🤨🤨🤨.now u got chlamydia too . and the teacher looking at you like ‘damn how she get chlamydia , this bitch be getting around.’

OMG LIGHTSABERS ??? i would so fight with them all the time that’s so so so awesome. (just looked up the lotr ring. it looks so elegant!)

ahhhh being a crazy cat lady >>>> (not abysmal cats beat people anyday.) my movie would be ‘drunk procrastinator’ because honestly i never do things on time and a little bit of sippy sip does release the stress sometimes. (the things i’ve done when under the influence will haunt me. my best friend has so much blackmail material on me .)

MY QUESTIONS —>

unfortunately not yet. but i do want to get a cat , so i’ll get on that asap.

when person a smells person b in amortentia , or when person a is given veritaserum and admits they like person b. i’m a sucker for that shit >>>

my weird talent is that i can eat an entire bowl of cereal in under ten seconds !! not useful at all , but it’s weird so yes , i consider it a talent !

i had to look up what a gas station was i got so confused. we call them petrol stations here so i was like ‘tf is a gas station’ BUT ANYWAYS! I don’t even have a car unfortunately, but my chauffeur (best friend) does and obviously i abuse the best friend privileges, and whenever he needs petrol i always get a pack of gum , a can of sprite (+ a diet coke for the driver man). (this is what you mean by gas station order , yes ? gas stations in canada don’t have restaurants in them right?)

favourite flower - poppies ! i adore poppies ! + lavender they’re so pretty // favourite plant - hyrdrangeas ! (they’re classified as shrubs so they count) very sweet and nice.

favourite planet - gonna be a real one and choose my gal pluto. she’s still a planet to me , okay???

i was at a funeral when i got a phone call . my phone was NOT on silent. and the worst part ? my ringtone was baby got back , so now the deceased’s family have a memory of ‘turn around stick it out even white boys got the shout , baby got back!’ in the middle of someone’s eulogy.

saxophone ! that shit RELAXING AS FUCK !

q’s for you to answer next time you come around -

what the fuck is putin (not the president)

unpopular opinion about the marauders

unpopular opinion in life

Dream car

do you watch the apprentice?

do you believe in soulmates ? (romantic or platonic?)

what’s your hidden talent?

Favourite villain ?

ever had your heart broken ?

ever broken a heart?

(bee you know the drill by now !! don’t be too long , I’ll miss you<333)

[thelocalconstellation]

I SPOTTED YOUR TAGS IN THE RB RELATED TO D&D

TELL ME EVERYTHING TOU KNOW AND ALL THE BUILDS YOU HAVE IN MIND GRGRHENABABSKRBAKRL

Ok I'd like to preface this with I have No Fucking Clue what I'm doing the last time I DID anything with DnD was like. Half a decade ago. I was a small child I remember fuck all.

We're doing a oneshot for a friends birthday soon so I needed to set up my character, now, the party Did Not have any characters that can Hit Things Good, hence the choice of a fighter class character. My friend is running through subclasses and I hear the words "Eldritch" and "Knight" right next to each other.

Now, I'm not sure if you know this but I have been SWAMPED with a Magnus Archives hyperfixation for the last six months. I have two things on the brain and it's The Magnus Archives and Jonny Sims's band the Mechanisms. Eldritch horror is essentially the only thing I think about these days.

Now, going into this, I 100% had plans for this guy to be a COMPLETE fucken himbo. This man was not supposed to have any lights on upstairs. I've been described as the nicest cuddliest fridge you will ever meet, thats this guy but even more so and dumb as balls. And then I heard the words 'Eldritch Knight' so that plan went out the window a little bit.

Now, don't get me wrong, he's still is a bit of a himbo, but because I wanted to play whatever the fuck an eldritch knight is, he can't actually be stupid? Because he rolls with intelligence for his spells, so I'm turning his wisdom down to fuckall once I start actually rolling for the character stats and shit, but he knowingly acts like a himbo.

He knows exactly what he's doing. He knows he looks like a himbo so he's making the choice to act like a himbo. This man Does Not stop smiling it's a little bit eerie actually. He wants the emotional damage from hitting him to hurt worse than the ass kicking he will give you (or at least attempt to give you)

He's a dragonborn of the gold colouring, which is going to cause So Many Problems because there is a wizard in the party. The wizard can move and manipulate fire to his will. I can breathe fire. This is going to cause So Many Problems and I Cannot Wait.

Now. To the best part about this, I felt like giving him an actual weapon would make him too cool? And I learned that I can bind up to 2 weapons to himself, and teleport them to his location at any given moment as long as they're in the same fucking dimension. So I went "what if he just has a metal baseball bat?". So now he has a metal baseball bat. My DnD nerd of a friend is in the VC with me helping me figure out what the hell I'm doing, and we're both silly motherfuckers.

So my friend goes "what if you made the bat sentient?"

Cue my begging to the DM for him to let me have a sentient baseball bat that hates the fact its used for violence. My friend is going to voice the bat. It sounds very posh and very displeased with everything that my character does. So now this secretly knowledgeable himbo lookin ass dragonborn has a talking baseball bat with a similar attitude to Jack the Sword from the Magnus Chase series.

Now, as for what the hell the oneshot is about which is about to make things infinitely funnier, or at least it did for me, is this sunshine and rainbows guy is in jail. This takes place in a prison. Why is he in jail? He kept tracking down and breaking the knees of people who harassed his siblings or committed other heinous crimes.

And now, for the final remarks. I chose this guys name before I figured out his race. Now this was an awful idea but it was also one of the funniest things I think I've ever done.

Before that though, I feel like it's worth mentioning the sword has been named 'Sir Astren of the Cosmos' no I haven't figured out why that's its name it came to me in a vision.

Anyways mr not-actually-a-himbo dragonborn over here is named Tomothy Reiden. No, that's not a typo.

[xumoonhao]

how you like that sure is a cocky title for a song whose beat i could replicate by plucking on a rubber band

[pacifistofpatience]

*busts in in a nervous Sweat* they added Sans to Smash

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

[kidnamedfinger]

Opinion on wayv?

fuck it i finished this weeks homework so here are all the wayv opinions i can think of right now

overall: i like wayv they are my second fav after 127 but i respect them more than 127. i think when they get their hands on certain concepts they slay absolute penis (regular, moonwalk, bad alive, turn back time, nectar, love talk, etc). kick back was a flop though and they generally are passed over sooo often its so sad. at least the situation isnt as drastic as exo-m but wayv languishing in the sm basement shows us that sm still hasnt learned how to manage a china bg promotion

ten: i love ten so much i hope he can go solo but again his station songs/thing with yangyang have flopped and its very sad. i think the reason behind the floppage is a mixture of being given shit material and also i think ten is still growing as an artist even with so much overflowing raw talent and creativity. but i will be very excited for a tolo if it is PROPER and INSPIRED. im sorry to compare him to taemin but the material is very very similar and i do hope he can follow in taemins footsteps. OR LAY if he can get a solo career like lay i think he will be okay. i just really want the best for him he looked so bored before he got his most recent gig and its objectively such a shame to leave a talent like him just waiting around for his next moment. ten is really bad at variety with the other members which i find charming but he seems like a very sweet person again i cant emphasize this enough i am rooting for his success in anything he puts his mind to. as long as, again, the material he puts out is actually interesting and novel bc i think hes capable of it and i think anything less than that is a waste

kun: fucking flop for buying nfts, really crappy really stupid of him. before that news came out i thought he was okay, i liked how he was kind of cast as the the bang chan leader/producer/carer type for wayv. i respect that he self produces obviously but i think some of his self produced stuff kind of sounds like when jyp makes behind the scenes videos sorry. i think his predebut song that is a meme is a bop though and i liked the socially aware lyrics so good for him. i dont know what else to say im gonna move on

winwin: i have a limited opinion on winwin because he is just kind of boring to me. something i noticed is he often seems to have a moment when hes delivering his lines in 127/wayv where he limps his wrist a little. idk how to explain it but i think its in bad alive + chain + limitless. i love that one fancam where he forgets hes performing bad alive. apart from that i dont rate him that much as an idol hes not bad he just doesnt really catch my eye. i think he is an excellent model though and i dont blame him if hes trying the idol to model pipeline

lucas: i think lucas has the funniest celebrity scandal ive ever heard of in kpop or otherwise. imagine if he was still promoting and secretly talking shit about his members, asking random chinese fans to buy him burberry (which literally everyone in sm is already sponsored by, he cant ask his coworkers?), making fun of nct for always adding random people etc. i do know some people accused him of actually serious things so i do think he deserves to be kicked out, and even if that stuff wasnt true i dont know why sm is dragging their feet bc its hurting wayv too to keep everyone not knowing. before the scandal broke i thought lucas was a weird idol anyway cause hes not particularly talented at anything specific, he can dance fine and his voice is fun and he has an interesting look but thats it. he always seemed really desperate to make an impact through variety

xiaojun: i love xiaojun i know hes pretty boring but i love him. i think he is talented in multiple ways and seems to work really hard and he is a leo so i support him. sorry i should have more to say i dont really follow him that much but i like him a lot

yangyang: will never not be such a meme to me bc of GINGER I MISS YOU GINGER. also mei. everyone memes yangyang its funny ill never not laugh. hes clearly an idol bc of connections and bc he actually wants to be an idol and not necessarily because he is innately talented or creative. but good for you yangyang nothing wrong with that

hendery: i dont get him at all . hes literally hendery. sorry to henderynators hes also not particularly talented either. and he wore like rasta stereotypical dreads that one time didnt he

[dykesymmetry]

YOOO LMAOO im the one who sent the original ask where i kinda “””vented””” abt niki getting mom-ified, i sent it to you bc i noticed you were on the topic of viewing the fic with a more critical eye yknow & like,,, twitter getting angry abt it??? im sorry but thats the funniest shit💀

yall ever heard abt different opinions??? no??? go outside and talk to someone i swear itll change your life.

And yknow what, the fact that they had the audacity to claim people were “attacking” their fic like,,, you did it on YOUR blog, you didnt go out of your way to shove it into the authors face or whatever. Speaking abt that though i was actually a bit surprised this didnt happen sooner; ive kinda noticed the author is a bit,,more,,sensitive(??) towards critiques but i wasnt really sure until now lol. something i feel worth mentioning is based on what they vented abt on their account, its important to know that: having a backbone ≠ getting genuinely upset and defensive abt criticism.

If you are writing threads and asking constant validation from readers because a small minority of ppl dont like your writing/characterization, that sounds like a you problem bro

One last thing, if you are a 21 yr old adult that is “actually in tears” because someone criticized your minecraft fanfiction go drink a glass of water and chill the fuck out, maybe take a nap.

sorry if this came out as word vomit, i was about to go to bed when i saw this fiasco lol

yeah lmao like. i totally get if ur upset at ppl commenting directly on ur fic or at u. that absolutely sucks. but i was very careful to avoid that? the whole like. tagging system and everything i was Incredibly cautious to make sure u could not just stumble across it!!! bc i DONT wanna just shit on ppls art thats a rly shitty thing to do. i just like. i love pirates. i like to talk about pirates. if someone asks me to talk about [specific thing about pirates] then i will. the literal only way to find the "criticism" is if you are specifically searching it out

[contrispos]

Episode 14 - War-Mantle

[Star Wars: The Bad Batch]

Tears: Out of stock. Will to live: Never heard of her. Will to absolutely fucking smoke Dave Filoni: Very much fucking extremely present.

(Also: Sorry there was no post last week, I was dying over Tech’s light bomb)

——

What’s goin on

clone

who

hold up

that’s a monster doggo

he has weird armor

IS IT WOLFFE

OR GREGOR

ITS GREGOR INNIT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH OMEGA TWIRLING HER LITTLE PEN THINGY LIKE HUNTER

HUNTERS FACE

REX??????

BY BOY

AN OLD FRIEND HUH

HOW THE FUCK DID REX AND GREGOR MEET THO

IS IT WOLFFE??????

what was rex doing huh?

TELL ME

CC- 5576

THATS GREGOR INNIT

YE ITIS

yea exactly listen to echo dudebros

okay now listen to MY CHILD OKAY

ya need food brothas

no okay now it’s omega

what the fuck is happening

okay THAT IS HANDS DOWN THE FUNNIEST WRECKER SCENE IN THIS SHOW

Echo’s got a point… OooOah yeah, Tech’s got a point… Well the kid’s got a point… BEST THING EVER

ALSO

THE SMILE AFTER HE SAYS ECHO HAS A POINT

HSBAOSIDVS AKDJDHEHSJD

SOOOOOO CUTTTTEEEEEEEEE

hunter looks as confused as i was

YEAH HUNTER

CHECK IT OUT

kamino?

wha?

CRISSCROSS😘😘

RAMPASS🤬🤬

hollup

are they evacuating kamino

are the clones gonna be completely removed now?

well of course they are dumbass the EPISODE IS CALLED WAR MANTLE ITS LITERALLY THE DECOMMISSIONING OF THE CLONES

cadets🥺

sad life

they are never gonna become soldiers 😭

bish

whaddareya plannin

ya gonna leave or sum

ah yeah they are

why is it so satisfying when ships exit hyperspace

WHY IS ECHO GREEN

WHAT THE FAASAAAAAAACKKCKCKCCK

i am angy

come on tech

tHAt dIrEcTIoN

please

if anyone’s gonna know north and south and shit it’s tech

TECH MY BOY I STILL LOVE YOU REMEMBER THAT

hold up hunter gonna sniff something

sniff sniff

how the hell can he make out whether he was dragged or not

and how did he know the clone was hunted

how the f do hunters senses work??

TECHS VOICE IS SO ADORABLE I CANT FUCKING EXPLAIN IT

omg hunter is the daddiest dad to ever dad

WRECKER HOLDING A HAND BEHIND OMEGA

CAN YOU NOT

HOW DOES HE KNOW A SHUTTLE LANDED ON THE FUCKING GROUND

OH MY GOD

DID TECH JUST SLIP ON THE ROCK

he did didn’t he

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

how fucking fast are they climping

they are skilled af

damn brothas

OMG YOU CAN SEE HOW HARD THEYRE BREATHING

BITCH

TECHS EYES ARE SO PRETTY I CANT

those are stormies

i know it

stormy stormtroopers

oh no

i have a feeling this is bad

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ECHO MY SON

SKAKO MINOR

BITCH

AH MY BABY

I CANT

IM CRYING SO HARD RIGHT NOW

AH

THEY HAVE TO RESCUE CROSSHAIR NOW

HE IS BEING HELD AGAINST HIS WILL TOO

omg what is that game

ARE THEY PLAYING ON GONKY

AAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

they are gonna die

i know it

those commanders look hella scary

hold up

is that delta squad

it’s the armor

TK TROOPERS

I KNEW IT

that clones voice is weird

GREGOR IT IS THEN

he also has two eyes so wolffe

HIS LAUGH

YES

AH

CT-99’S

THEY HAVE A FULL ASS REPUTATION JUST WITH THE FIRST TWO DIGITS OF THEIR NUMBER

gregors arms are… uh… very defined

oh no tech failed

ITS OKAY BABY I STILL LOVE YOU

WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES

some are graver than other but uh….. nevermind

how the hell does a droid popper work on humans

pew pew pew

OH MY GOD SHES HUGGING LULA

BABY OMEGA IS STRESSED

SHE NEEDS HER EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PLUSHIE

uh

wrecker

they definitely do not have everything under control

they are basically dying over there

HOW DARE YOU HIT MY CHILD

HE HIT TECH

HE KICKED TECH

YOU BITCH ASS FUCKING INCAPABLE FUCK HORSE ASSBUTT I WILL MURDER YOU

eyyy

echo blew up too

bond bitches

bond

HOW DOES TECH THROW A BOMB THAT CASUALLY

OMG OMEGA IS FLYING THE SHIP

TECH HAS TAUGHT HER HOW TO FLY THE SHIP

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WANNA SCREAM

I STILL CANT BELIEVE TECH TAUGHT OMEGA HOW TO FLY THE SHIP

WHERE DID THEY DO THE TEST FLYING

WHEN DID THEY DO THE TEST FLYING

I WANNA SEE THAT

AH

TECH

SWEETIE

AH

I CANT

GONKY TO THE RESCUE

OMEGAS THEME

I CANT

gregor looks positively terrified

this stresses me out

HUNTER

NO

STOP

WHY

NO

I DONT LIKE THIS

HUNTER

STOP FALLING

STOP IT

STOP RIGHT NOW

WHERE IS A JEDI WHEN YOU NEED ONE

OH THATS RIGHT

THEYRE DEAD

GONKY

NO

NO

HUNTER YOU LITTLE SHIT

DO NOT

I ORDER YOU TO STOP

RIGHT NOW

OMEGA

STOP

NO

I CANT HANDLE THIS

STOP

I CANT BREATHE

HER VOICE

THE PANIC

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GO BACK THIS INSTANT

NO

I DONT LIKE THIS

stop

HUNTER

WAS THIS WHAT THAT FUCKING TWEET WAS ABOUT

“sometimes even the bad batch has to follow orders”

FUCK OFF

lama su is gonna die i just know it

oh

oh no

stop

i know what gonna happen now

crosshair

that’s what’s happening

nuh uh

i dont like it

it hurts

IT HURTS DO YOU HEAR ME

CROSSHAIR AND HUNTER MEETING LIKE THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED OKAY

I AM CRYING SO FUCKING HARD I CANT EVEN

DAVE FUCKING FILONI YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS

——

I know exactly what’s gonna happen now:

Hunter is gonna die

Crosshair is gonna die

Everyone’s gonna die

Filoni actually is kind for once and lets the batch have a nice reunion and be a family again.

its one of the above

and i am pretty sure it’s not the fourth…