#and i'm not even mentioning family stuff

[lesbianlotties]

i'm really holding on for dear life to the good things and like. aggressively trying to stay optimistic but god this week is REALLY testing me

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

a quick reminder to everyone

I have SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITIES

I am literally disabled because of my learning disabilities, I have faced literal descrimnation because of it.

everytime you call us retarded or a retard you are ACTIVLY upholding the systems in which I am trapped in.

I take more offence in being called a retard than anything due to the literal DECADES of systematic abuse and descrimnation from the medical system, every single government resource, and almost all school alternatives.

fuck you greatly if you use these words against us, I have to live in a country where they hate people like me and would rather us dead than to do literally anything to help people like us.

call us what you will, but I will never call anyone retarded because it’s a basic decency reserved for everyone.

I’m a very happy retard, fuck your ableism!

I will happily live and love and learn even if THE LITERAL GOVERNMENT doesn’t want me too.

(yeah being a mid supports autistic with other learning disabilities and disabilities in general that made me unable to attend a school just means I deserve to die. 100% legit I deal with this literally all the time always fuck the Australian government)

so again fuck you all greatly, for using a literal slur against me one that has been used against me since I was a baby.

fuck you all, genuinely.

did I forfeit my rights to be treated as a human being the moment I had a bit of trouble learning things? Because if I did I’d like to break someone’s teeth with a brick.

Edit: the language and lines between what the fuck developmental disabilities and intellectual disability are is confusing as fuck.

I have gotten very confused between the 2 because they are grouped together half the time.

My apologies to everyone for being utterly confused where I fall because it is extremely confusing to figure out, and internationally it varies wildly according to my brief reading.

I did not mean to be mean or anything I just was genuinely going off what I’ve been told most my life lol.

Shout out to my developmentally disabled brethren you are loved

[kitchenutensilfamilyau]

How did Brandie react to the prospect of becoming a dad? 😊

He was just really happy :) Also tried to be extra encouraging to Cinnamon.

[incesthemes]

it's so significant to me that do you believe in miracles paralleled all hell breaks loose specifically. because ahbl is the first time dean violates sam's autonomy to bring him back to life. it shows the extreme lengths that dean will go to protect sam, and despite all the other times dean has ignored sam's personhood in his pursuit to keep him alive, this is the moment in the show that fully exemplifies just how codependent these two really are, because there's an entire season dedicated to the consequences of that codependency.

so for dybim to take that imagery and scenario and reverse the roles means that this is supposed to be just as indicative of their codependence. it's a threshold that will have major consequences because sam crossed over the point of no return. there's no going back from choosing unhealthy codependency with your brother, the show is signaling. dean is sam's ultimate decision—he doesn't choose himself, he doesn't choose independence, he chooses dean, and all that that entails. he probably only realizes that all of his posturing about autonomy was a lie at the very moment he says it out loud, but once he's finally honest with himself it's a done deal. just like dean can never go back from his deal for sam's life, sam can never return to any point before this moment. he's in this relationship for good, and he wants to be codependent with dean; that's his decision.

and this is why soul survivor hurts so bad. because dean, like sam in season 9, declares that they're not family, not brothers. the role reversal continues, and sam is now suffering all of the pains he unwittingly put dean through by trying to maintain boundaries between them. now that he's realized he can't handle having those boundaries, any distance between him and dean is too much. here sam is, violating dean's autonomy and saving him against his will, just like dean has done to him so many times before. here he is, listening to dean reject him over and over again, like a parody of all sam's attempts to extricate himself from dean. he's on the other side now, staring down his brother and seeing his past self within him.

9.23 to 10.03 is just a speedrun of the previous 8 seasons but in reverse, with sam enduring the suffering of being in dean's position. and how tragic is it for sam to finally commit to his codependent relationship with dean, only for dean to leave him the moment it happens? how must that feel, for him to finally return his brother's feelings in all their toxic and fucked up glory, only to lose him in the worst way? to have all of his own words shouted back at him with the cruel intent to hurt—jesus christ. how am i supposed to cope with this in any normal way?

[contagious-watermelon]

what is it with the aro community basically reinventing amatornomativity but including (some of) us this time. acting like QPRs are the solution to your problems and obviously theyre more meaningful and important than friendships and what do you mean you don't want a platonic life partner? well if you're "just friends" they're gonna leave you for their romantic relationship eventually — no, no, you can't mean that, "best friend" is either just the same thing as a QPR or not good enough to stay in your life forever. you don't like how you probably won't ever be able to have kids because who's going to let a single trans man adopt a child, and even if they did how would you support them, and no for the last time i don't want to marry anyone even platonically. i do not want a partner ever. ever.

but don't you know that all of us hate amatonormativity? but we're fine with it when we're included. oh and don't you know aros can date too? did you know? did you know you can date too?

you have problems? society isn't structured for you? you have to learn to navigate socially and legally in a world that's built for couples and that's a very distressing experience and you're invisible if you don't loudly proclaim your aromanticism after every room you walk in — but we're gonna keep arguing about shipping. what do you mean you have more problems than people being stupid in fandom? what, is the one aroace character who got "confirmed" off-screen and never mentioned outside of that at all not good enough for you? that doesn't actually change anything for you societally?

but you surely want a QPR. it's totally not just us forcing some watered-down romance on you after you said you didn't want it (but did you know aros can date too? surely you didn't forget that. aros can still love and we hate that you're implying they can't). all of your problems with society hating you for your singleness and aro-ness would be solved if you just got a partner — no, a platonic one, why would you assume otherwise? this is nothing like telling a gay man to just suck it up and marry a woman. see, that would be homophobic, but you? didn't you know that aros can still date?

[nervocat]

omg this day might turn out to be so good actually

[mourn-and-watch]

one super important detail about carver's 'pro-templar' stance is that he openly admits that he never saw magic as a threat before kirkwall. he can be petty and constantly annoyed by his siblings being all magical and special but he never thought of them as abominations who need to be locked up for everyone's safety. kirkwall is the reason he starts to express doubts and we know how fucked up the veil here is.

if he joins the order, he does that out of necessity but i'd say he's also that rare templar who's motivated not by fear for himself but by fear for the people he cares about and at least one of them is a mage. this city is full of demons and abominations and blood magic, situation here is a lot more complicated than in ferelden and there's also his not-so-almighty mage sibling who doesn't seem to be concerned about this. even though they can be killed by one of these things. even though they can become one of them.

also he desperately needs purpose and if he was never taken to the expedition he finds one and does so by his own choice. and for the moment he thinks it's the right thing to do but the order never helps him resolve his doubts. he's never proven wrong because there are still demons and abominations threating the city. he's never proven right because some things templars do are completely unjustifiable and straight up cruel. this is not the purpose he wanted. this is not the reason worth deeping the rift between him and his sibling even more than it already was but it's too late to quit just like that. it's not like he despised the templars. it's not like he didn't understand them completely. but the way he bitterly says "you don't understand this life. i didn't" to sebastian summarises how complicated his time in the order was all along

[teamcavota]

being ND in a southerner family is hard

[italyveneziano]

What is up everybody i may be wiping off the dust from this blog because i listened to a HetaOni song too many over the past few days and now i have a severe case of the brainworms

[tricks-n-illusions]

@ Calamity: for a Pokémon often rumoured to be heavily feared and even sometimes the cause of misfortune, you're very pleasant natured! Apologies for the assumption of your character. On a more heavier note, though, were you ever aware of the actions of your followers? Not in an accusing way, but clearly both Seance and Silas have both caused a lot of harm to others.. but surely you'd want your followers to be well?

"No harm done, many think that of me. I have grown used to it." She seemed a bit sad but happily nodded instead of dwelling on it, "Ah, I unfortunately cannot control the actions of my followers. I am very aware of what all of my followers are doing at any moment but I cannot stop them." "Of course, I can force them to my will, as anyone who bears my sigil can be controlled with enough determination on my end, but that is just barbaric and inhumane! Would you like an unseen force to suddenly take control of your body and puppet you around as if you were nothing more than a vessel?" "As a Spirit of Giratina, I find this act normal. I am being controlled from afar constantly, but mortals, they find this horrifying! The last I did such a thing, a poor mortal was left mentally ruined. Never again! Anyway..." She slowly drifted before speaking up again.

"But I do partly blame him for his actions after. However, recall Silas was raised by 'Seance' and Seance was not a very fit example. I do not think he knows better or knows how to be 'good'. I do hope he learns soon enough, his antics are tiring. I cannot teach him that personally, my knowledge of mortal morality is still lacking." She admitted before giving a small sigh. "I do not always know 'right' and 'wrong', what I tend to find trivial and a simple solution always tends to be shocking to mortals."

"This is simply untrue." She huffed in annoyance. "I do not want my pact to be used for 'evil' purposes. That was never my goal and will never be my goal anytime in the future." "I do not wish to become like my creator. I think some would call this my 'parent'. They are quite awful with their pact, they adore dragging their mortals around like toys. No wonder my fellow gods and creations keep trying to kill that awful thing. So..."

"Though it might have some side effects. Their mind always fails them even if I keep their body young... I do not know why, does having a long and happy life not please mortals? Does being with their loved ones till their demise not satisfy them? They always become depressed or jaded, even seeking out death... I am still trying to understand. I do not have a mortal lifespan myself, as I am immortal." "But, Even now, even after everything I've seen my followers do. I wish the best for them, and even Silas, I hope to see him guided to a better path. Though I cannot teach him things, I would attempt to help, but all Nym has done is reject me, and refuse to be my host. I will not force him, however, I hope the addition of you will guide his fate to a better outcome."

[isfjmel-phleg]

This is a personal post.

so many people I know are burned out I am burned out and I want to fix that but can't

why must everything be so stressful. for everyone.

[tenpixelsusie]

"Rick is the better scientist!" "actually, Reagan is the better scientist because-!!" shut up shut up shut up we all know the best fictional scientist is ALPHYS from UNDERTALE

[omarwolaeth]

It's such a tiny innocuous thing that really doesn't matter, but I feel like calling duel monsters a children's card game (when it's fundamentally baked into everyday life, and your social existence is judged by what you play and how you play it so very intensely, for everyone in-universe) is an absolute injustice to what it is for that universe of people.

[hotchocolateandpillowforts]

It's been a few days so I guess I'm in the mental headspace where I can talk about IRL stuff for a second. (I ended up breaking up the paragraphs a lot because I can fucking rant y'all.)

I had a pretty rough doctor's appointment on Wednesday morning. I told my neurologist about a few new symptoms I've developed since I've seen her last. (Pulsatile tinnitus that's especially bad at night when I'm laying in bed, numbness in my hand when I wake up in the morning and at some random points throughout the day, and, it's not new but it's worse, the tinnitus I experience pretty much 24/7 is getting worse.)

She asked a few questions and said I probably have carpal tunnel because of my job plus doing schoolwork after my 40 hours a week job. We're going with a brace at night for now to see if it helps. If it doesn't I get to do an invasive test that includes getting a shock in order to stimulate the nerve AND a needle pressed into the nerve. Fuck that shit.

She also said that she wants to do a Magnetic Resonance Angiogram in order to "rule out any possible aneurysm" which is just amazing to hear as someone who has a brain disorder and has an uncle who had a stroke less than a year ago. But apparently hearing your pulse in your ears is bad and is usually caused by aneurysms or cardio vascular issues of some kind. The soonest we were able to schedule the MRA is this Friday in the morning.

But that wasn't the end of my horrible day. A couple of hours later I got a text from my brother telling me to call him. I did so and he told me one of our other uncles had died. It was sudden and out of nowhere so it was a real shock. The ME thinks it was probably a heart attack but we won't get the official cause of death for another week or something like that.

So that day was just a garbage fire day. And my week continued to get worse (somehow) with my cousins and grandma getting into fights about doing a service. I guess the cousins don't want to do one but my grandmother wants one. (And this is the second child she's burying in her lifetime so maybe give that woman whatever the fuck she wants.) And no one could give me any dates to tell my employer so I can take bereavement. Then my husband and my brother got into a fight because my stress and anxiety and grief have been so fucking hard to handle and all I wanted was a fucking date so I could have a plan. I think I just wanted to be doing something other than going to work and being sad and being anxious about my health stuff. And if I had a date then I could tell my boss and make plans and feel like I'm making progress.

I've said it before and I'll say it again (and probably again and again) this is a shitty fucking year and it can go straight to hell. I fucking hate this year. I'm going to get ready for bed now, work 4 days in a row (while also keeping up with school work and my workout routine and my reading habits because how else am I going to get through this week), get up early on Friday for an MRA, drive up to Oklahoma and spend four days with my wretched family.

[sinhal]

I think part of it is that I'm convinced I'm going to die alone and no one is going to realize for days or even weeks