#and i've reached the conclusion that anyone who spends more than a few days with me thinks i'm weird

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

sorry for being weird, i’ll inevitably be weirder the next time you see me in an attempt to be normal

[newmih]

Flowers

Words: 798

Characters: Jason Todd x gn reader

Summary: Y/N meets an unusual client.

A/N: I did some research and came to the conclusion that there no flowers that say "fuck you" and taht's make me really sad. You can imagine any version of Jason. /English is nt my first language. Sorry for any mistake I made./

Masterlist

Bonne lecture

Your day had started out quite well. Even though few clients had shown up in the morning, the numbers were good so far and on top of that, a beautiful sun was shining outside. You were really looking forward to finishing your hour's work so you could get out and rest.

You had been working in one of the flower shops downtown for a few months now to pay for your education. Despite the fact that many people had offered you financial aid, you didn't want it. You didn't want to spend the rest of your life in debt. And asking for a loan from someone was like making a deal with the devil. You were in for the rest of your miserable life.

The doorbell rang and you looked up from the book you were reading in the back room. It was your turn to play now. You approached the counter and pasted a hypocritical smile on your face. Seeing a pretty face always sold more. Yes, the person who had given you that advice really did have a problem.

The man who entered was wearing a leather jacket and was almost taller than the shelves. Damn... He was hot. You shook your head to keep your mind from going into dangerous territory and followed the new customer. This was the first time you'd seen him and from the way he was observing his surroundings, he was coming for the first time.

When your eyes finally met, he smiled politely at you. Or was it because he found the idea of smiling at you very tempting? Neither of you really knew. But what you did know was that he had beautiful teeth. Who was thinking about that anyway?

He reached over, pulled some bills out of his pocket and placed them almost too violently on the table in front of you.

"How do you say passively-aggressively fuck off in flower talk?"

Not expecting this kind of question at all, you exploded with laughter. "Sorry. It's just the first time I've been asked that." He dared his shoulders to murmur something that sounded like it was nothing and bit his lip as he watched you. You had a beautiful laugh. You stood there watching him before you realized.

"Oh yes! I had forgotten! I'll make you a bouquet. Give me a few minutes!" Too lost in his gaze, you had completely forgotten why he was there in the first place. Damn it! What was happening to you? As for the man, he laughed again. It was the first time in a very long time that he smiled and laughed so much in such a short time. What kind of spell had you cast on him?

You hurried off to do your job and returned a few minutes later in front of him. When he picked up the bouquet, you touched each other for a few seconds but something still stirred in your belly. The client could almost feel his cheeks catch fire at that moment. So cliché! He felt like he was in one of those books he loved to read as a child. He didn't even know your name.

He took some money out of his pocket and handed it to you. "Keep the rest." You smiled at him again. He loved it when you smiled at him. Dick would laugh so hard at him if he saw him right now. But he had to do something. You were obviously waiting for him to leave and you couldn't understand why he still hadn't moved a muscle. Damn, these muscles are huge! Concentration Y/N!

He hesitated, turned as if to walk out before finally mentally insulting himself. What a jerk!

"I'm Jason by the way.

-Y/N. you both had stuttered like two high school kids. If anyone saw the terrible Red Hood right now, losing his shit in front of someone he didn't even know, his reputation would be shot. Even Damian would scare the bad guys more than he would. He turned on his heels. It had been far too long since he'd talked to a person like you. Then his older brother's face came to mind, telling him he had to meet people, telling him he deserved to find love like everyone else. Maybe he was right. But he would never admit that to Dick.

- You know what? We should go out and get something to eat sometime. Like a date. Yeah, a date is good. What do you think Y/N? shit, your name sounded so good in his mouth.

-Y-Yeah. I'd love to. you were definitely blushing right now.

-So I'll pick you up Saturday in front of the store!" He was already gone, wondering which place would be up to your standards.

[nexyra]

RWBY's Love Language - Part 2

Hello friend ! I'm back at it with a second part and whatever character I can think of ! (Among which best boy Oscar because he deserves it, and also more adults)

Let's go !

***

Oscar Pine

So ! While I love Oscar with my whole heart, honestly guessing his Love Language is no easy feat. One thing for sure : touch isn't is thing even if it's how everyone else chose to communicate their love.

I saw a post a while back detailing how Oscar is always putting his hands up as a barrier when he's scared or uncomfortable and that makes me cry a little instead but it's true TT. Anyway...

In the latest volumes we've got quite a bit of comforting Oscar-talks but I have to wonder how much of that is due to Ozpin's influence really. As a result I've decided to settle on... Acts of Service or Quality Time ! This is based on a few details : when people are upset with him in one shape or form, Oscar was always very eager to prove himself useful, give some aspect of concrete help (such as cooking a Casserole, ringing any bell ?). Plus I imagine that's the exact brand of help his Aunt would have needed most on a farm. Added to that, he always seems fairly happy to be included, be with the others no matter what's going on. Training ? Yay ! A movie with Jaune & Weiss ? Smiling puppy look. Fancy party ? Shenanigans together ! So yea, I love seeing my boy loved and hugged but please everyone settle for the loving he's most comfortable with <3

“She made a choice! A choice to put others before herself! So do I.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. I thought you guys would appreciate a hot meal after... spending all day looking for me, apparently.”

“No, it's okay. These past few days, I've been scared of the same things you were. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Ozpin

For our favorite immortal wizard aka not quite dead Headmaster... I think the answer is rather obvious. When you're so careful with your words, but also so fiercely devoted to humanity, Words of Affirmation is a must. Ozpin constantly does his best to calm, to reassure. He's good at controlling the conversation and getting people where he wants... Except he more often than not use it to make them think and help them reach an healing ore motivating conclusion. This man is so insisten on giving and cultivating hope, so painfully aware of just how much words can change... There's no doubt in my mind that it's through these very same words that he tries to fight the darkness in others' mind, even when they don't want to let themselves be persuaded. And with some help from the farmboi, Ozpin is gaining in honesty and earnestness. And that can only help in giving comfort.

But to be honest... If you offer him a hug I doubt he'd refuse, and he definitely deserves one. Also therapy. For Oscar too. Everyone in therapy 2k21.

“Ruby. I've made more mistakes than any man, woman, and child on this planet. But at this moment I would not consider your appointment to leader to be one of them. Do you?”

“It's not every day that friends are able to come together like this. Time has a way of testing our bonds, but it's nights like these that can help keep them stronger than ever. Nights like these are ones we'll never forget.”

“Don't worry, Mr. Arc. Your journey is far from over, and the same might be said for all of you. Unlocking your Semblance isn't the end. It can still grow and evolve. Providing you are willing to put in the work, who knows what could happen?”

- - - - - - - - - -

Emerald Sustrai

Now here I'm gonna go ahead and say that the way Emerald has been taught to express her love and the way SHE would rather preffered to be loved most likely do not align. At the side of someone like Cinder, and even Mercury who isn't exactly the most emotionally vulnerable person; the only brand of love that gets an easy pass is Acts of Service, and that's probably what Emerald is the most used to. I can go on a mission with you. I can help. We go right back to the "I can be useful" mentality and I'm not sure she's been shown any other way honestly. Let's be real though : if someone offered a hug or some gentle words ? She'd probably pout & fuss but I hardly doubt she'd object.

“I don't care about Salem! But I owe Cinder everything. You want to fight her that bad? Be my guest.”

“I just... Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things... But without her here, I don't know if what we're doing--”

“I've been working on my Semblance. I can help. I won't tell anybody.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Pyrrha Nikos

What's with everyone and dedicating their whole love toward just helping their teammates anyway they can ?! Stop ! But any way, you guessed it. I'm pretty sure one of Pyrrha's top way of showing love is Acts of Service, and nothing means quite as much to her as Quality Time. For someone who's been put on a pedestal and has a hard time relating to people; both touch and words can be a bit awkward. But if they're wrapped up neatly in a training session or semblance explanations ? Well that's already a more familiar area. Pyrrha gives her whole to her friends and those she cares about. And in exchange, if anyone can simply... be there and spend time with her... May it be at the ball or simply sitting in the courtyard... I'm sure our girl would be delighted.

“Jaune, you know if you ever need help, you can just ask.”

“I'm constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you're placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place. But thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime.”

“I'll do it. If you believe this will help humanity, then I will become your Fall Maiden.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Qrow Branwen

If I say Gift Giving for the corvid, is someone gonna hit me ? Come on it's fun ! Okay, more seriously... I think this kind of love conversation is kind of a necessity for Qrow. With a semblance such as Bad Luck, making everything complicated... Qrow tries to keep his distance from those he cares about. And since he's an emotionally repressed (but caring) asshole on top of it... Well that kinda narrows down his option. You know what DOESN'T put anyone at risk but can still bring smiles on their face ? GIFTS. Shiny things, souvenirs from his missions all over the world to give to 2 smol nieces. Sounds safe right ? That said, as any good emotionally unavailable character in this show, I gotta say Qrow probably has a thing for helping out and making himself useful in relation to Oz, Tai or the rest of the inner circle. So you know what that means *whisper* Acts of Service.

That said ! When it comes to receiving some love back... Qrow probably likes everything he doesn't allow himself to have. Soft touches, loving & comforting words, spending time with a friend without his semblance making everything complicated... We know that's all he wants.

“You idiot. I know you didn't do this.”

“Look, pal, I'm not sure who you are, but you need to leave my niece alone.”

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...”

- - - - - - - - - -

Clover Ebi

And among our newbies (and gone too soon) friends we have Clover ! Clover was a very good contrast to our dusty old crow but also a great help. Kind-hearted, perceptive and honest; he knew just how to put Qrow's self-loathing in his place and push him to give himself some credit. He always had a nice word or a joke for everyone, and visibly the rock of the Ace Ops : an expert a keeping the moral up and the mood companiable. Evidently, Words of Affirmation was his expertise. Had things gone differently, I'm sure we'd have had time for many more earnest and helpful conversations with this teal-eyed fisherman.

“It's a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.”

“I meant deflect a compliment. Those kids wouldn't be where they are without you. You've had more of an effect on them than you realize.”

“We don't have to fight, friend.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Winter Schnee

And today in the "emotionally unavailable" category we have... Winter Schnee ! TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS PEOPLE ! Just - I would say look at Ruby but even she doesn't talk about her bad vibes... Nor does any of the "Words of Affirmation" peeps. Honestly what's wrong with y'all people ? Anyway Winter cares so much. Is it hidden behind professionalism and a stern *big sister* demeanour ? Sure. But it doesn't negate just how much she loves her closed ones. She's fiercely loyal, and even if she doesn't let her personal feelings get in the way of her duty and doing what needs to be done, no one is allowed to say she doesn't care. Countrary to Weiss, Winter doesn't seem as good nor as aware of the love that exists in simply *being* with people. Rather, she's dutiful and ready to help any way she can when given the chance. You guessed it, yet another Acts of Service kind of love... Maybe I'm doing this wrong XD. I'm on the fence about Words of Affirmation as well. Despite her standoffish looks, Winter has always been very open & reassuring during her discussions with Penny. But she's more stern when it comes to Weiss so I dunno x)

“I don't recall asking about your ranking, I'm asking how you've been. Are you eating properly? Have you taken up any hobbies? Are you making new friends?”

“You've grown up a bit, haven't you? You're not the little girl clinging to the family name anymore.”

“You can't just buy trust like everything else! You have to earn it!”

And that's it for Part 2 ! I might do some other characters if people suggest some but I don't have a pressing need to right now. I have many ideas of songs to apply to various characters however so that's prob what my next posts will consist of (or fun templates)

If anyone has tips to create RWBY gifs or links to download the eps in good quality I'll take it ! Good day everyone !

[alj4890]

Delicate

(Ethan Ramsey x Olivia Nevarkis) (Olivia Nevarkis x Drake Walker) in a Choices The Royal Romance/Open Heart Crackship Series

A/N Picking up directly after Drake's visit and fallout. This will lead into the Christmas season, with Ethan inviting Olivia to spend the holidays with him and his father.

@jooous ​ ​ @krsnlove ​ @nomadics-stuff ​   @twinkleallnight ​ @motorcitymademadame ​

Masterlist

Part 5

Ethan knew something was wrong. Even without his highly attuned ability to detect the slightest tics and movements people made when dealing with pain, he still would have known that Olivia was upset.

What bothered him was that she felt the need to keep it hidden.

He thought they were well past the stage of not being completely honest. It had been one of the most difficult yet rewarding part of their ever developing relationship. It was terrifying and freeing to be able to tell her anything.

Ethan knew he needed her. He had made it a point to never allow himself to need anyone. He once believed that it was a weakness, something that any sane person should be able to do without. One should be able to stand and face whatever life threw at them without having someone there to help you through it.

Or so he thought until Naveen nearly died.

Then seeing Bryce's reaction when Casey was poisoned.

Those two situations had opened his eyes and made him come to some uncomfortable conclusions about himself.

He was human. And what did all humans share? The ability and need to love...to have someone all their own to be there during life's brightest and darkest moments.

As he finished prepping the turkey breast for tomorrow's dinner, his eyes drifted over to the one he believed was his someone.

He hoped that he had become Olivia's.

"How was your day?"

Olivia shrugged. "Fine for the most part."

Ethan washed his hands then reached for a bottle of wine. Setting two glasses out, he filled them while studying her.

Olivia muttered her thanks when he handed hers to her. She absentmindedly swirled her wine while a slight frown formed.

Ethan reached out and caressed her cheek. When her eyes met his, he allowed her to see his concern.

"Drake came to my apartment earlier." She blurted out.

"He did?" Ethan gestured for them to move into his living room. After settling comfortably on his sofa, he patiently waited for her to continue.

"Yes." She bit out. "He supposedly came on his way to his family's ranch to show me pictures of the progress on the hospital. Her frown eased at that memory. "I can't wait until you see it. It is turning out just like we hoped."

A hint of a smile formed on his lips over this shared dream of theirs coming about. "I can't wait either."

Hearing Ethan say that caused the gnawing worry to grow even more. Was it the beginning of the end for them? Drake's parting words kept repeating over and over her mind. Somehow they seemed more prophetic than insulting the longer she dwelled on them.

"You really think this Ramsey is what you need?" Drake taunted. "One day you'll leave here and he will see the real you in Cordonia. This Boston bubble you're living under is going to pop. What will he do when he sees you as a duchess, mingling amongst the court?"

"You think he'll adore you then? Just wait until he hears all the tales of your years of temper tantrums and cruelty."

"Liv?" Ethan pulled her into his arms. "What happened?"

She didn't want to tell him. She hated this fear Drake had caused in the one area she had come to love. The simple happiness she had found in Boston was now tainted with doubt. He had made her once again hate herself.

Was her act of redemption going to never end? Was she to pay for every word and action she had done for the rest of her life?

Does nothing I do matter?

She closed her eyes tight when Ethan brushed a tender kiss to her furrowed forehead.

I don't deserve someone like him.

His hand rubbed her back in soothing circles while he waited.

Olivia felt tears prick her eyes. He was the only person she had ever known to give her physical comfort. The way he held her as if she was precious to him without trying to turn it into something sexual made her want cry.

She couldn't lose this. Lose him.

But she also couldn't deceive him.

"Ethan," her voice trembled making her hate herself even more for needing him, "You know about my past with Drake."

She felt him tense yet he continued to try and soothe her.

"I do."

She looked up at him and saw his own face etched in worry.

"He...we got into an argument about that and..." It was too hard. She couldn't stand the thought of destroying the way Ethan looked at her. The way he cared for her...

"Olivia," he tried not to let his fear take over of losing her to her former lover, "are you trying to tell me that you..." He couldn't get the words out. He couldn't stand the thought of going back to how his life was before she became a central part of it.

His mind stuttered at that. Medicine had once been his central part. Everything in his adult life had revolved around it. And while it still was a big part of who he was, Olivia had somehow created a niche all her own in that center. Somewhat entwined in it, yet on a personal level, he found that every decision he had made from the moment they met were made about her. From choosing a restaurant she might like to moving to her country to work at her proposed hospital, she had become his life.

Had Drake unknowingly destroyed his life in one brief visit?

"That I what?" She asked.

His blue eyes held her green. "That you want to get back together with Drake?"

Her eyes widened. "Good Lord, no." Her nose wrinkled. "That is the last thing I want."

She felt his arms relax as they cuddled her closer. His forehead dropped against hers as he dealt with the heady relief that her admittance brought.

Realizing he had been scared she was ending things caused a need to reassure him. Her lips met his in a tender kiss. She could feel the deep longing he had for her in his response. He still held her gently as their kiss came to an end.

"What did he say?" Ethan asked.

"He was angry that I don't see the need to keep discussing why our barely a relationship had to end." She bit her lip. "Then he brought up you."

Ethan arched an eyebrow. He had not been around the man enough to form an unbiased opinion. He knew the flare of jealousy was from what he assumed was going to be an attack on his own character in the hopes of stealing Olivia from him.

"What about me?" He didn't bother to hide the annoyance tempering his tone.

"How you'll be when you see me in Cordonia." Olivia averted her eyes. "And how what we have here will be completely destroyed."

His eyes narrowed at such a choice of words. "Why would it be destroyed?"

"Ethan, you," she lowered her head into her hands for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she forced the words out. "You know some of my past already. You've witnessed my temper. But I...I used to be cruel. I've changed these last few years, and it has helped heal relationships I have with some members of the court." She looked up at him to see how he was reacting. "But Drake believes once you hear their stories and see me as the prideful duchess that you will not want to be with me."

"First off," Ethan snapped, "he doesn't know a damn thing about me or how I feel about you. From what I know of you, you deserve to walk into every ballroom with your head held high." He snorted in irritation. "They should be begging for your attention."

Olivia briefly smiled at that. Only he could turn one of her faults into a compliment.

"Secondly, I haven't been known to be the kindest doctor to work with."

"Your patients would disagree."

He huffed. "That's because I work to help them." He pulled her closer within his arms. "Jerk might be the nicest word interns and other medical staff have referred to me." Ethan pressed another kiss to the top of her head. "And my quick temper might give yours a run for its money ." He grinned when he heard her muffled laugh. "And I've never been known for being a forgiving man."

She wrapped her arms around him as she settled her head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. "If anyone tells you about me, then--"

"I know who you are, Olivia." Ethan stressed. "I will never hold your past up as a standard to measure your actions by."

Silent tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"Don't thank me." He grumbled. "And don't believe what Drake said." He grimaced as a thought struck. "Though I can imagine why he acted like he did."

She swiped at her stray tears. "You can?"

He nodded before resting his cheek against her head. "Who knows how I would react if this was reversed? I might have lashed out at you in frustration if you refused to give me a second chance."

She lifted her head to see his face.

He met her gaze and softly smiled again. "Especially since I am in love with you."

"You--" her lips parted in surprise, "You are in love with me?

"I am."

Olivia knew in that moment what was truly in her heart. All the questions she had asked herself that morning finally had an answer. And all because Ethan had done the one thing that no man had ever done before.

He did not judge her for her past, her name, anything. He accepted her, faults and all, and loved her for every single part.

"I love you too." She smiled against his lips. "I have never loved anyone like I do you."

Their kiss held a new edge to the usual passion. Having expressed their feelings, the need to show just how much they loved one another took over.

While clothes were beginning to be hastily tossed around the living room, Olivia's phone vibrated softly in her purse.

***************

Hearing the beep, Drake cleared his throat. "I know I am probably the last person you want to talk to but I need to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of what I said. I wish..."

He took a deep breath. "I wish you would give me a second chance to show you that I do care the way you wanted me to. I know you're with Ramsey now, but I want to try what you asked me all those months ago. I want to be with you, out in the open."

He lifted his eyes to the ceiling of his hotel room in Kentucky. "I won't keep bothering you. I'll give you time to think it over and wait until the New Year's Eve Ball to hear your answer." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Hana said you told her you'd be back by then. I hope I didn't...didn't ruin what chance I could have."

Pausing once more, he dropped his head in his hand.

"Take care, Libby." He said softly before ending the call.

******************

That night, Oliva felt once more at peace. In the darkness of Ethan's bedroom, she smiled at how he was spooned around her. His slow deep breaths of sleep lulled her even more into the addictive security his presence gave her.

She kept replaying his words of love in her mind. In many ways it surprised her, and yet deep down she thought she must have already known. Every action, every kind word, every kiss had revealed that he had given her his heart. And she in turn had given him hers without even realizing it.

As hard as it was to find some type of silver lining to Drake's hurtful words, she supposed she should be grateful for them. Her sharing it had possibly prompted Ethan to tell her how he felt about her.

She yawned while snuggling back against her doctor. His arms pulled her even closer as he slept.

She felt both exhausted and wired. The day had been filled with one extreme emotion after another. And yet, the words both men had said kept her awake.

Olivia didn't know if she had it in her to forgive Drake. To have someone that you actually trust bring up the worst pieces of yourself as a threat to ruin the one good thing you have...how could he do that to her? She had been hurt when he didn't return her feelings, but this fight today had damaged them to the point that she wasn't sure if she even wanted him as a friend.

I would never say something like that to him if he managed to find happiness with someone else, she thought to herself.

Ethan had been much more understanding of Drake's actions than she could ever be.

She knew it wasn't necessarily a good thing that she never gave people second chances. Why would she after all the betrayals she had suffered in life? She barely needed both hands to count the number of people she had over the years that had never betrayed her.

Had Drake entered into the category she kept for her parents, Lucretia, Constantine, and numerous nobles at court?"

I don't know, she thought. I don't know how I feel over what he did.

She thought about his voicemail. It didn't matter how sincere Drake sounded or that he now wanted to try. His apology seemed hollow. Perhaps it was because he truly didn't know her now. These months in Boston had changed her, possibly even more than she realized.

She wasn't the same proud duchess that had once sworn vengeance to anyone who opposed her. She had learned the difficult art of give and take. She made herself listen and think through everything before losing her temper or forming a hard decision. It had been an ongoing battle, but she felt that she had a somewhat better control than she once had. Today's fight with Drake had proved that she wasn't the same quick tempered, plan to skewer a person on the edge of her dagger she had once been. She had stepped out of her comfort zone and lived for the most part as a normal person, proving to herself that she truly could survive on her own in any situation.

This venture had shown her that she was more than what her ancestors had stressed a Nevarkis should be. The people in Cordonia would most likely still see her as her old self, but she knew and it seemed that Ethan did also who she truly was. Her strength, her refusal to back down from a fight, her very heart had been used for good.

Drake didn't see it. He never saw the potential she had to do something meaningful and right. Maybe it was because she hadn't allowed him to do so. Maybe they really never had a chance to see the best in one another.

Could we have found a way to happiness if we had not spent years torturing each other with our spiteful words?

Deciding that that was a thought that would probably never be answered, she closed her eyes and eventually drifted off to sleep.

********************

Weeks went by too quickly for some and not nearly fast enough for others. Edenbrook had closed its doors leaving many with bittersweet emotions. Ethan, Naveen, and Olivia had spent what free time they had packing and shipping their personal belongings to Cordonia. Decisions were made for the two doctors to stay with her in Lythikos while they searched for homes of their own.

While rushing about, Amanda and Thomas came to help a week before Christmas.

On their second night together, the ladies sent Ethan and Thomas to get dinner, giving them a moment to talk alone.

"Did you come for me or for the snow?" Olivia teased when Amanda insisted the two of them take a break from packing and go for a walk.

"Since you have always had the best snow," Amanda replied with a twinkle of mischief, "I always come for you."

She laughed when Olivia snorted.

"Are you excited?" She prodded as their boots crunched in the snow.

"About finally seeing the new hospital?" Olivia linked her arm through Amanda's when they entered a nearby park. "Of course."

"I am too." Amanda took a deep breath and cut her eyes toward her friend. "And I am very excited to see you and a certain doctor together at the New Year Eve's ball."

Olivia didn't bother to mask how happy she was. "I have something to tell you."

"Oh?"

"Ethan, he...on Thanksgiving, he admitted he is in love with me."

"About time." Amanda grumbled playfully. "Each time I visit, I see just how much he does love you."

Olivia stopped their progress through a path of lighted trees. "You knew all this time? Why didn't you tell me?"

Amanda's laughter at the death glint in Olivia's eyes echoed across the park. "Because you would have dismissed it like you always have whenever I brought up heartfelt emotions."

She placed a hand on her hip and somehow did a convincing impression of Olivia. "Please. No man can truly capture a Nevarkis heart, much less make me willing to be his," Amanda managed to twist her lips in disgust like Olivia's as she flicked her hand in a very recognizable gesture, "love slave."

Olivia rolled her eyes while struggling with her laughter. "I don't sound like that."

"Not now that you're in looovvve." Amanda responded playfully.

"Why do I share things with you?" Olivia muttered.

"Because you love me." Amanda wrapped her arm around her. "Not as much as you love Ethan, but I can live with that."

Olivia snorted again as she tried to brush it off. As hard as she tried, a soft smile formed on her lips. "You're right."

"I am happy you both know how you feel about one another." Amanda's teasing turned serious. "It would have driven you crazy with trying to guess."

"I suppose it would have irritated me." Olivia admitted. 

“I know it would have driven me insane watching you both tiptoe around the issue.” Amanda grumbled.

“It surprised me.” Olivia admitted. 

“It did? Why?”

“I--I suppose I didn’t expect it to happen.” She felt embarrassed just saying it. “I don’t think I ever thought I would meet someone to feel like that... I never thought of any of it happening to me.”

Amanda's heart ached at realizing just how damaged Olivia still was over her parents. Nothing hurt her more than seeing her friend still believe that she was unworthy of love. To be this surprised over a man falling in love with her proved how much she doubted herself. Perhaps it was why Olivia continuously pushed herself to serve Cordonia in any way possible. It might be why she never backed away from danger.

Compliments and recognition had been the closest she had to receiving love in her life

Amanda felt herself adoring Ethan even more for showing Olivia that she herself was loveable. She wasn't the prickly cactus that she had given Liam at his coronation. She had a tender heart, one that any person would be lucky to earn.

"I love him." Olivia broke into Amanda's musings. "It's different from what I once felt for Liam."

Amanda squeezed her in a side hug. "One sided love usually is different. Having someone give their heart to you and work in the hopes of you giving them theirs, I can't think of a greater gift than that."

Olivia nodded. "Ethan does that. I thought that maybe after we admitted our feelings that he would slack off trying to," her brow furrowed at trying to find the words.

"Sweep you off your feet?"

"Yes." Olivia's nose wrinkled out of habit over something so sappy. "He now seems to work even harder to not only keep my love but to make me love him even more."

"Good." Amanda linked her arm through hers again. "He better or he will have me to deal with."

Olivia burst into laughter. "And what will you do if he doesn't?"

Amanda's smile grew. "Don't worry. I've been trained by the best on how to torture a man." She winked at her friend. "You always did give the most interesting lessons."

*****************

Christmas was approaching and with it, Ethan invited Olivia to drive to Providence to spend Christmas with him and his father.

She was both excited and extremely nervous to meet his one family member he had a relationship with.

She was completely out of her depth in this situation. She had never had a man invite her to, "meet the parents,". She knew though how big this was for Ethan to include her in his family's Christmas tradition.

He seemed so happy, so proud, to introduce her to his father.

The drive over had been filled with his sharing some of his childhood memories. Her hand had remained in his as she watched the play of emotions on his face. He was opening up to her again, showing how much he trusted her with these bits of himself.

The modest, in need of a new coat of paint home had surprised her. She didn't know why she expected Ethan to have had a childhood a tad more luxurious than this. He seemed so cultured at times, that it impressed her even more that he had learned all of it on his own.

Ethan's father, Alan, had come outside to welcome her while helping with their luggage.

The genuine delight in the elder's face at meeting the woman his son had brought home made her feel slightly giddy. He teased Ethan with saying he had not done nearly enough in describing how pretty she was.

"I did." Ethan teased back. "You just didn't pay attention."

The three shared a meal with Olivia watching in fascination at their closeness. So many of her friends either had parents dead or were not close to them at all. This was something entirely new.

Alan had charmed her into sharing a little about herself. His understanding smile and deep laugh had made her relax. After dinner he pulled her away from the table while ordering Ethan to do the dishes.

"You're taking her to the mantle aren't you?" Ethan grumbled while fighting a smile.

"Don't worry what we're doing." Alan reciprocated. "Just make sure to soak that pan before putting it in the dishwasher."

Olivia allowed herself to be ushered into the small den. A Christmas tree stood with slightly old ornaments next to a warm crackling fire. Her gaze lifted to the different sized picture frames on the mantle.

Picking up one that seemed to be the oldest, Alan handed it to her. "This was a few weeks after Ethan was born."

Olivia's lips curved at seeing what looked like any other baby. She studied each picture he handed her, giving her glimpses into Ethan's life. Her smile grew at a photo of a ten year old Ethan smiling while puppies crawled all over him.

She then noticed the woman in the background.

"That's his mom." Alan's joy seemed to dim some. "She had been the one to decide we go to a nearby farm to let Ethan choose a puppy for his birthday."

Olivia studied the image of the woman who had so easily left her husband and son.

How could she do that to him?

The sound of Ethan returning caused Alan to quickly switch the picture for another one.

"Here he is with his first car."

"Dad." Ethan grumbled good naturedly. "I'm sure Olivia doesn't want to go down through every mundane event in my life."

"I do." Olivia blurted out. Heat flooded her cheeks. "I like seeing your childhood."

Alan beamed at her. "Here's one of my favorites. He was around five years old and had opened a clinic for stuffed animals."

"Did he?" Olivia cocked an eyebrow at Ethan.

"I'll have you know that I save many from losing their limbs." Ethan smiled at her laughter. "I had to since most of the injuries my toys suffered were from my rigorous playing."

The three sat down and began to talk about Ethan moving to Cordonia.

"You will have to visit." Olivia insisted. "You will always be welcome in Lythikos."

"I plan to." Alan stood and stretched. "I think I'll leave you two to get some sleep." He patted Ethan's shoulder then squeezed Olivia's hand. "I'm so happy you're both here."

Ethan settled his arm again around Olivia once they were left alone in companionship silence.

"Your father is very kind."

He chuckled. "Yes, I know. Nothing like me."

She smirked at him. "Don't sell yourself short. You have your moments."

"I do, huh?"

"I think so." She snuggled closer within his arms.

Smiling to himself, Ethan reached into his pocket.

"Olivia?"

"Hmm?"

He held a box out to her.

She sat up with a start when her eyes fell upon the little velvet box.

"I think you know what I'm about to ask." Ethan said softly as he opened it for her.

Carefully lifting the diamond ring that sparkled in the firelight, he paused right at the tip of her finger.

"You know how much I love you." His vulnerability was once more on display. "You make my life better than I thought possible. I need you, your passion, your heart." He glanced down at her hand trembling in his grasp. “I can’t imagine a life without you by my side.”

His bright blue eyes lifted once more to her green ones shimmering with unshed tears.

"Olivia, will you marry me?"

[thoughtfulpaperback]

CHARMED 03X01 REVIEW SPOILERS!!!!!!!

First of all, I am sooo excited that Charmed is back for season 3. I am honestly so conflicted about this first episode. Entertainment value-wise the episode was a solid 8/10 for me maybe even a 9/10, but it was filled with so many little tropes that bother me that by the end of watching I was left half smiling and half confused and dissatisfied.

But, there was some nice OG Charmed references that I thought were clever so maybe I should go 9/10.

Anyways, I think I'll stick to form. Dislikes first, likes, and then memorable moments.

DISLIKES

1) Jimmy and the memory manipulation/wipe troupe.

I am probably biased because I've hated this move since OG Charmed and especially since Supernatural and its "solution" to Lisa and Ben.

My biggest issue with this sort of thing is that there is no guarantee that changing someone's memories or even how they see themselves/interact with others will PROTECT them.

Granted the girls may not be thinking of protecting Jimmy, but they seem to he continually forgetting that his and Harry's lives are connected. Also that the Faction is everywhere. People believing Jimmy is a good man won't stop people from hurting him or from finding out he has powers. Heck! The guy could get hit by a bus and that's the end of Harry.

I love the sentiment and idea of Jimmy getting a chance to live a life where he isn't carrying the weight of the trauma from being in darkness and believing he is nothing but the bad/irredeemable parts of James (the "whole" person).

I assume because of the fact the potion probably cannot do those things (protect jimmy or strip powers) that we may seem him back if not for the next two episodes, which were supposed to be the end of season 2, then later this season.

2) Mel's Meltdown

So...I have no problem with Mel freaking out about the situation. But I thought they all had collectively done this and moved forward last season. Wasn't that what the whole episode of them getting back thier powers was about? Also, did they really make Mel's freak out about a woman/relationship. Mel who has navigated similar issues seasons past? Mel who gave Maggie a hard time about it last season (technically earlier om the same season since this episode was written to be a part of last season). Growth isn't a straight line to walk and I am okay with similar insecurities and patterns arising in characters behaviors/storyline, but this feels lazy. I want more for and from Mel at this point especially when last season they gave her sloppy and quick "growth and acceptance" storylines (really just a few minutes on the whole of season 2).

3) No explanation of Maggie's power mismanagement

I will say that because her powers are a new development I dont have issue with her not being able to handle them perfectly. If only we could all be automatically perfect at any new skill we want. I take issue with not having a real explanation or solution

Was it an issue of her own repressed emotions making her powers too strong? Was it that these were new emotions she had to try to push onto Mel (chill versus calm in wording). And then the solution was just that the emotions would fade away.

I mean they didn't need a big thing. And the fading away isn't really a big issue with me, but is it unclear because it may happen again? If they don't plan on similar misshaps then I would have preferred to have some understanding of why this was happening to her. But if we something similar later on I can forgive it.

LIKES

1) Hacy

I like that they get right to Macy knowing about what Harry asked Maggie to do. I still felt they hadn't resolved the issue fully at the end of this episode, but I like that everything was laid on the table. I especially love the clarity of thier feelings "I dont want anyone else"/"Neither do I" because some shows take these situations in the direction of having playing up insecurities and jealousy. Aka they spend so much time fighting about how the person wants to be with someone else or being jealous of other relationships the character has *cough* CAOS *cough*. And honestly that was so 2020. I am glad we left that in last year. I crave open and honest communication even if the solution isn't quick and easy.

2) Jordan and Abby's side quest.

I loved Jordan and Harry's day out last season. I think I loved this more.

Not just the possible hints that maybe Abby could be part of a dark trio of sisters, but I love the references to og charmed and the times the girls had to release people from art or got trapped in art. "It happens more often than you think".

I also loved Jordan's sassy-ness with Abby and that reference to Abby and Harry's "deal" last season. Lol to the horrified "Not that!".

The actors did a really good job together and the storyline was strong and entertaining.

3) Viv confirmed mastermind/Julian confirmed dope and more info on black amber.

I mean we knew and it doesn't absolve Julian of blame, but confirming that Vivian's plans have nothing to do with helping or healing and everything to do with amassing power for herself is nice to finally have especially when it gives us more insight into black amber.

Seriously, last season was actually really bad at world building as far as setting up deeper lore. I mean the extent of what black amber can do was still largely a mystery. It can be used to raise the dead, but can't heal human illness????? It can give Maggie and Mel new powers, but couldn't do the same for Macy??? Also how did the girls reach that conclusion given what little we all know of black amber???

Anyways, those plotholes aside, they at least gave us that information. Hopefully it is true and not just misunderstanding.

Moving on....

Episode Highlights

Jimmy riling up Mel: "come on"

Lol

"I just want us"

Jordan to Abby; *grossed out* "Not that."

Viv and Juliana looking at glowing box and talking about magic.

[literary-spirit]

"I'm sorry we couldn't offer you little more comfort while residing with us." Genuineness threaded itself through Torvi words as she watched while Bonnie settled herself behind Hali underneath the furs of unknown heritage.

A gratitude inspired smile made a conquest of Bonnie's lips. "No need for apologies, Torvi. Fact is, I'm grateful that you've allowed me somewhere safe to lay my head. Especially with everything being so new and unfamiliar."

Truth be sold rather than told, Bonnie didn't understand one damn thing about her predicament. One moment she lay bleeding out in her fiancé's arms in 21st century New Orleans, and the next she lay sprawled on Bjorn's ship during the freaking Viking Era. After some thought she'd begun to believe herself to be on the other side she'd created for Enzo, but there was a few sizable holes in that working theory. One, Enzo didn't hail from the ninth century so why would she tailor the world he'd spend his afterlife in after it? Two, she'd had the displeasure of being dead stranded on the other side a time or two and neither time did the imitation of life after death explode with a passion that could only be rivaled by reality.

No, Bjorn, Ivar, and Kattegat was real. It was all real! But on everything and everyone she loved she couldn't understand why. What did her giving up her mortality to become the immortal witch and finally embrace the prophecy have to do with this particular place in time?

"Bonsie?" The dulcet cadence of Guthrum's voice snatched her away from her thoughts. "Can you tell us a saga about your land?"

He and Hali stared up at her. The gleam of excitement tinkled bright in both of their eyes. She faked a sigh and played at reluctance with a roll of the eyes, all the while a smile twitched at the corners of her mouth for freedom. "Are you sure? Because you and Hali look really tired," she began tickling Hali who squealed and squirmed to get away, "And I don't wanna start one of my dull stories only to bore you both to sleep."

"Please!" They both squeaked in unison. "You have our vow we won't slumber before the end of your tale. Right Hali?" The blonde cherub face child with eyes just like his father nodded.

"Alright, but the vow I want from you is, that if slumber comes for you or Hali while I'm telling you the story you won't fight it," she said, her gaze moving from one boy to the other. "That's the only way I'm going to speak of this saga. I won't waste words on tired ears."

The boys stared at each other for a moment, before Guthrum looked back at her, "If our slumber takes us before the conclusion, will you continue when we rise?"

"Maybe not when we rise. You know, because we'll have to break our fast and I'm sure there'll be chores needing to be done-"

"There will definitely be chores needing to be done," Torvi confirmed as she watched from the bed.

Bonnie shrugged, tapping her chin while staring up at the ceiling of the keep. Her eyes flared as if the proverbial light bulb had erupted into a thousand ideas, "I know! If you fall asleep before the saga is finished, then I'll continue it tomorrow before we go to bed."

Guthrum looked to Hali, who nodded his head, "You have our vow, Bonsie."

"Okay," she held up her pinky. They stared at her finger for a moment then gawked at her as if she'd open a third eye on her forehead, "Well if you're giving me your vow boys, I'ma need a pinky swear to consummate your sworn oath."

"How do you perform such a ritual?" Guthrum asked, cuddling in closer.

"Hold up your little finger just like this." She wiggled her pinky. Once Guthrum and Hali raised their fingers, she entwined both of her pinkies with theirs, tugged and pulled away. "And just like that we have consummated our oath with a pinky swear."

"So, what of the saga?" Guthrum questioned.

"It's a story that takes place in a land where my ancestors once thrived. A continent called Africa," she began, "There a wise lion king was blessed with a cub who too would one day be king of everything the light touched in that land."

For the next thirty minutes or so Bonnie retold the story of the Lion King. By the time she reached the part about Scar throwing Mufasa off the cliff into the surge of stampeding antelope she noticed the boys had fallen asleep. Lowering her voice, she allowed her words to trail off, to avoid awakening the kids.

"Ack! Why'd you stop?!" Bjorn snapped. "Did Mufasa find a way to save himself so that he could exact revenge over his treacherous brother?"

"And what of poor Simba?" Torvi grilled, "What will become of him now?"

Bonnie's brows collided. She hadn't realized that they had even gave her a benefit of an ear let alone hung on to every word of the story. "I'm sorry, I didn't think you guys were paying attention."

"Why wouldn't we attend you, Bonnie?" Bjorn shot her one more unit before settling back on the bed to stare at the ceiling. "Are we not sharing the same space?"

"Bjorn," Torvi lightly scolded, cuddling down next to him.

"It's okay, Torvi," she said, rolling away to face the wall, "Bjorn's right. I'm wrong for not considering you both may wanna hear the ending of the story, but even if I wanted to finish it my sacred oath with the boys wouldn't allow me to continue until next eve. So, have a good night's rest and I'll see you both in the morning."

Bonnie allowed her eyes to close and not much later she dosed until squeaks, moans, and grunts ripped her from the verge of a deep sleep. Confused about why the hell she was on the floor instead of in Klaus' Californian King, her eyes darted around and then finally collided with a folded up Torvi getting piled drove by Bjorn.

When Torvi noticed her watching, she blushed and attempted to stifle another moan, "Apologies, Bonnie. We didn't mean to wake you with our coupling."

"It's fine," she said, not knowing what the hell else to say. It's not like she could go in about them banging one out in their own keep. Bjorn's lava hot blues bore into her, while he began to grind slow circles into Torvi. Bonnie attempted to clear her throat, but only managed a super dehydrated cough, "P-please c-continue—I-I mean if that's what you both wanna do. Not that I'm gonna keep watching or anything."

"Would you like to join us?" Torvi offered between gasps and moans. "Bjorn's vigor is insatiable. He would have no issues pleasuring you as well."

"T-That's not necessary!" Bonnie flopped back over on her side to face away from them, "You two enjoy, I'm good." She squeezed her eyes closed and tried to ignore the snickers coming from the bed as she willed herself to go back to sleep.

****

After daggmal what Bjorn called breakfast, Sigurd offered to be her guide while she explored the forest. They spent almost half the day trekking through the woods gathering recipes she would need for hygienic purposes and basic spells. For the first half of their outing, Sigurd merely helped and watched her without saying anything. When she'd had enough of him side-eying the hell out of her she spun on him without warning and he almost ran her down.

"What's wrong with you? Why do you keep watching me like I'm gonna turn you into horse shit or something?" She snapped.

His eyes flared, and he took a step back. "Can you?"

"Sigurd!" Bonnie stared at him for a moment like he'd left his mind back at Kattegat, before whirling around to continue her descend down to the cove. "Why did you come if you're so scared of me?" She tossed over her shoulder.

"Because I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I was hoping to plow you," he replied, following behind her.

"Men," she mumbled to herself. Then she raised her voice loud enough for him to hear. "So, I guess Ivar's telling anyone who will listen I'm a witch, huh?"

"Ivar?" He questioned as if he didn't know how one thing had to do with the other. "No, what's he to do with anything? It's Margrethe."

Bonnie stopped once more to turn and look up at him. "Margrethe? You mean the poor servant girl you all pass around like a waste bucket?"

"We don't pass her around and she says when you appeared out of air the gods let their displeasure be known by sending a storm to upset the sea," he walked closer, plucked the basket from her hands, intertwined their arms and guided her towards the cove. "She also said that the storm only went away when she mentioned throwing you over."

"You do understand Margrethe is madder than a bag of cats tossed in a barrel of water, right? Anything that comes out of her mouth is nothing more than rantings of the certifiable," she said, filing Margrethe away for a later day's problem.

Sigurd laughed. "Your turn of phrases are cutting. I've noticed that you wield your words the way Hvitserk swings an ax."

"Runs in the family," she said, distracted by the splashing she heard coming from the cove. "Shh," she stopped, halting Sigurd along with her, "someone's down there."

Stunned disbelief flared his eyes and dropped his jaw, "Really? Well, we should go-,"

"Yeah," her head bobbed in utter agreement, more than ready to turn around, "we should."

"And cut down the trespassers!" He finished.

"Wait, what?"

Without even a notion of a warning, he scooped her up, tossed her over his shoulder, and ran down the rest of the way to the cove. Once they cleared the woods and stepped into the enclosure of the inlet, he strode into the water with her. She caught an upside-down glimpse of Ivar sitting on the bank, while Ubbe and Hvitserk chased each other around in the water with long skinny sticks.

"Brother, what took you so long?" Hvitserk snickered as he bent sideways to stare her in the face.

Sigurd smacked her on the bottom. "This one wanted to pick every smelly flower in the forest."

"Sigurd, take me back on dry land," she said, pounding him in the middle of his back with her fists, "So help me, if you fuck around and drop me in this water and my hair gets wet, it's gonna be hell to tell the captain. And just in case you haven't figured it out I'm the motherfucking captain!"

"What's she going on about?" Ivar called from the bank.

Sigurd laughed, "She wants to swim."

Then he tossed her into the biting chill of the water. She emerged sputtering water and spitting mad. Their laughter only served to piss her off more. Hatemakers shot from her eyes like hollow points leaving the barrel of a glock. When she finally had Sigurd locked and loaded in her sights, she treaded water like she had an engine shoved up her crack and Bobby Boucher'ed his ass so hard he hurtled through the air. He smacked the water harder than Angela did Marcus, and he went under. Now it was her turn to laugh and do the fool she did. Ubbe and Hvitserk gawked at her as if she'd sprouted wings and a tail.

Sigurd clawed his way back to the surface gasping and coughing. "Who in the name of Odin taught you how to swim, Thor?"

The sound of laughter and clapping floated from the bank. Bonnie turned to see Ivar's incandescent methane orbs flashing hella bright. Yet somehow the brilliance of his smile rivaled even the bewitching dazzle of his eyes. He'd baited and hooked her without even casting the lure. Now the unexplainable pull between them would reel her in. Pushing the mass of dripping curls from her face, she began to walk toward the shore.

"Where do you think you're going?" Hvitserk whispered next to her ear, before scooping her off her feet, "You've a lesson to learn."

"Oh, Hvitserk, you just better bring it!" She yelled as she bucked and squirmed in his grasp, "That goes for your sisters too."

With that said he dunked her in the water, when she reemerged Ubbe had a hold of her, "Many apologies, my lady. You were saying?" He questioned, regarding her with eyes the same shade as a cloudless sky.

She gave him a closed lip smile, and then slapped her cheeks, allowing all of the water in her mouth to spray him in the face. When he released her, she dove under the surface, grabbed him by the ankles and snatched him off his feet, literally. Then she went after Hvitserk next. Anticipating an attack, he and Sigurd took on a defense stance. So, they planned to make this a joint effort. She gave herself a mental nod, noted. Tired of playing around, she hiked her skirts up just beneath the curve of her ass and knotted it high on her hip. Sigurd and Hvitserk exchanged a smirk. Not wasting a second she struck. First, she climbed, and then wrapped herself around Sigurd. In a maneuver reminiscent of the Black Widow, she used his body weight and gravity against him. Once more he soared through the air.

She turned to Hvitserk and he gave her the smile which let her know he thirst for blood and the rush. Yep, she'd saved the most savage for last. Leaping on him, she wrapped her legs around his waist. He automatically grabbed a fist full of ass. Sexual lust overpowered his blood lust. Big mistake. She snapped backwards in a back bend, the memento snatched him off his feet and he went free falling face first into some rather high-quality H2O.

While the brothers attempted to figure out which step led to their downfall, Bonnie left the water to find Bjorn standing on the bank. His look of indifference remained true to the inner workings of his mind.

"You move well," he said as he reached down to place one hand on a bare hip and the other on the knot that secured her skirt. In a swift tug he released the drenched material. "I've never seen anyone fight that way or toss about men twice their size."

A memory of Bjorn giving Torvi the business end of some serious wood flashed at the forefront of Bonnie's mind. Unable to maintain eye contact, she dropped her gaze to the ground, "It's nothing. We were just messing around; I'd hoped to learn how to manage one of their sticks." Ivar snickered and that's when she realized how it sounded. "You know...for fishing." She added to be Visine clear.

"If you're to learn to manage anyone's stick, it'll be mine," Bjorn stepped closer and crowded her personal space.

The heat which came off of him reminded her of the predicament she now found herself. She was drenched and it had to be every bit of fifty-eight degrees out and dropping. The boys came trudging out the water behind her.

Ubbe walked up on her until the hard press of his chest collided with her back. One of his hands moved to grip her neck, while the other rose to lay possessively across her belly. He lowered his mouth next to her ear, "The gods were with you this day, Valkyrie. Yet, we'll see what the morrow brings." He then released her and moved around her to sit next to Ivar.

"You think yourself clever with that trick in the water, do you?" Sigurd asked, while tugging one of her curls as he passed. "Well, I know a few tricks too and mine are sure to put you on your back as well." With his gaze still locked on her, he dropped down on the other side of Ubbe.

Hvitserk spun her around to face him. "One detail," he snatched her skirts up around her hips and lifted her. Her legs wrapped around his waist. A sliver of space remaining between them provoked him to tug her closer until her naked sex pressed firmly against his bare lower abdomen muscles. On contact, the sinewy tissue flexed against her clit and try as she might, she couldn't stop the groan that burst from her lips. His eyes rolled closed, and gasps of air rushed from his mouth as he rested his forehead on hers. "I had to be certain." After a moment he allowed her body to slip from his.

"Of what?" She questioned, slightly swaying as she shifted her skirts back in place.

"I was home," he said, before stealing a kiss and darting away.

Something a breath away from recognition flared within her. She pressed to fingers to her lips to help preserve the feel and weight of Hvitserk's mouth on hers. Where the hell did she know his kiss?

Bjorn shot his younger siblings hell bred units. "Come, Bonnie. It's almost time for second meal and Queen Aslaug would like for us to attend her in the great hall...again." She didn't miss the annoyance which saturated his again.

"Alright, let me just grab my basket," she strode to pick up the wicker carrier and the world turned upside down.

Then it overturned and became consumed by Ivar's sculpted to perfection features. When she'd sacrificed her better judgement and walked too closed to him, he'd snatched her off her feet by an ankle. Once down on his turf, he'd flipped her over and yanked her to him like a virgin slated for sacrifice. Now he loomed over her larger than life. She'd played herself by forgetting he was the one to watch. The most dangerous of them all.

"I can see in your eyes you know your error is grave," he spoke to her in that soft accented tone that all ways fucked over her senses. "Next time you will not dismiss me so effortlessly because you believe me to be at a disadvantage, hmm?"

The sheer beauty of him outshined the ever-radiant torch she still carried for Niklaus. And Ivar the Boneless was right there! Right there in front of her! If ever there was a pass to be given for one indiscretion in a relationship, surely this was the time. Ignoring all the legitimate reasons as to why she shouldn't, she reached up and ran the pad of her index finger over one smooth brow. The perfectly arched hair felt silky to the touch.

Stunned, he stared down at her, confusion bunching those very brows while slightly parting those luscious lips. Her gaze flicked to the bottom one. It drew her thumb like a super magnet attracted to a pile of scrap metal. First contact almost made her swallow her tongue. Nothing could've prepared her for such fleshy softness. You'd think his lips had never known a day without Carmex. Damn, she had to know what it felt like to have his mouth on hers! Cupping her other hand around the nape of his neck, she used the hold to guide his lips towards hers even as she arched upwards to meet him halfway.

"Ivar, we have spoken much on you remaining free of mischief," Bjorn said, yanking Ivar off of her and plopping him back down on the plot of grass next to Ubbe.

Bonnie climbed to her feet, dusting herself off as she went. For a moment, their she'd almost pulled a damn Elena. Acting first and thinking never. Difference was she didn't have a scrappy side-chick running to have her back when she wrote a check her ass wasn't equipped to cash out. No! She needed to stay focused and figure out why the hell an immortal witch spell brought her all the way back to the Viking era. And it wasn't even the real Viking era. She was trapped in a television series loosely tailored after a raider who lived over a thousand years ago.

"Thanks for helping me today, Sigurd," She said, while allowing Bjorn to take her hand. "It would've taken me longer to locate the things I needed without you.

"You're welcome to my help whenever you have need of it," He said, grinning up at her.

Bonnie nodded then looked to the other brothers. "Ubbe, Hvitserk...Ivar," she held Ivar's gaze a moment longer than called for, before continuing, "thank you for being superb stress relievers." She wound her shoulders in counterclockwise circles as she cocked her head from one side to the other until she heard the pop. "Didn't realize how backed up I was until you guys worked me out a little."

"Then you should prepare yourself," Ubbe said, giving her a sideways glance, "for stress will no longer be a worry of yours." His bottomless cobalt glare, glanced down the length of her body before returning back to her face. Hvitserk and Sigurd snorted.

She held his gaze until Bjorn guided her from the enclosure of the cove back into the woods. Once out of his and Ivar's soul disturbing stare, she exhaled. For the next several minutes, she and Bjorn walked back to Kattegat in silence. After fiddling with the handle of the basket, attempting to work up the nerve to find something to say, Bjorn spoke first.

"I spoke with Floki today and he told me the fleet I commissioned won't be ready to sail until next Spring," he said, bending to pick up a stick from the path, "which is just as well, since Torvi is carrying again. I've already sent a messenger to King Harald."

"Wait," she stopped mid-step, "Torvi's pregnant?"

He walked a little further before he realized she'd halted. Once he did, he turned back to face her, his expression unreadable as ever. "Yes."

"C-congratulations, Asa's gonna be beautiful," she said, without thinking. Her mind to set on the fact she was adrift somewhere between season 4 part 1 and 2. How the hell would she navigate over the course of the year without knowing what happens from one moment to the next?

Bjorn cradled her face in his hands. "Are you saying this babe will be a girl?"

Damn! Well, the cat has left the bag. She nodded and a brilliant smile that could put the sun out of business blossomed on his face. His joy even provoked the corners of her mouth to travel north. "I'm very much proud to have boys, but after what happened to my first child...Siggy, it is my belief that by blessing me with a girl this time, the gods have shown me favor."

The blend of his happiness and vulnerability disarmed her defenses. She leapt into his arms, hugging him tight to her. The best her lack of height would allow anyway. All she wanted was to give him the comfort and support he'd shown her since her world went bat-shit. Bjorn, however, must've misread into things, because he had her pinned to the nearest tree attempting to raise her skirts.

He pressed kisses into the side of her neck as he worked to hike up her skirts and wrap her legs around him at the same time. "My man stand has nigh burst awaiting consent to plow you." He grind an oversized bulge into her bare center, and she squealed, not sure whether it was in delight or protest.

"Bjorn, I'm so sorry," she gritted through clenched teeth. Not trusting what would come flying out of her mouth if she opened it fully. "I didn't mean to lead you on. I'm a hugger." She babbled. "I only meant to offer you a hug of friendship."

He stilled and leaned away to peer down at her with a scrunched red face. "What?" Backing away, he let her feet drop to the ground. "Who in the name of the All-Father offers passionate embraces as a form of friendship?"

"Look, Bjorn," she lifted her chin, ready to no means no, his ass. "I'm sorry if you misread things, but you're married-,"

"Misread?!" His eyes nearly leapt from their sockets as he snorted his disbelief. "And what of all the lusty ways I notice you watching me when you think I don't see?"

She lied with a straight face. "You're mistaken."

"I'm not mistaken," he backed her into the same tree, "just last eve your eyes pleaded with me-,"

"And that's another thing," she said, cutting him off. "Don't take this wrong, because I'm grateful for you and Torvi's kindness, but when can we start on the restoration of Rollo's house?"

He stared at her a moment without saying anything. "We can begin soon after we finish daggmal on the morrow." Her head bobbed, and then she moved to step around him. He grabbed her arm to halt her movements. "Are you leaving my keep because I chose to lay with my wife?"

Her eyes bucked and she shook her head until she thought it would fly off her neck, "Of course not. I'm leaving because you both deserve privacy and not some stranger interrupting your lives."

"You're not a stranger, Mystical One," he rested his forehead on hers, "we're bonded by the oath we swore. You and I are a part of each other until one of us enters Valhalla."

[papergirllife]

有缘再见

（If Fate Allows We'll Meet Again)

Liu Yang Yang

" What was the most impulsive thing you did before coming to SM ? "

It was another session of soju and wine among the wayv members on a typical Friday night.

All of them exchanged stories of their lives before wayv during these times, and now the question is directed at Yang Yang.

" I had a girlfriend for 4 hours and she's the only girl I dated. "

The mall was crowded as usual, both tourists and locals shop here in Germany.

All of Yang Yang's friends left him to hang out with their girlfriends.

' So much for the bro code ' , he thought.

He walked towards the entrance of the indoor amusement park in the mall.

' Nah it's ridiculous coming here on my own. ' , so he halted his tracks and prepared to leave.

That is until someone tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned his head to see a girl who's significantly shorter than himself, what surprised him was that she was Asian.

" Hi, I'm Y/N, and I'm here alone because my parents are in the concert hall next door. Their concert is going to end at 12, so I have nothing to do and I'm unfamiliar with this country. So I was just wondering if you wanted to be my boyfriend for the next 4 hours ? Show me around, stuff like that. This seems like a huge mall with lots of nice dating spots. "

" Sure. "

Next thing Yang Yang knew was that Y/N bolted towards the ticketing counter and bought back two entry tickets to the indoor amusement park.

" Come on ! We only have 4 hours. "

She took his hand and dragged him to the nearest ride.

" Don't worry, this is really safe. " Yang Yang said as they got into the roller coaster.

" Who says I'm scared ? "

And true to her words, she wasn't.

Yang Yang was surprised to see that she enjoyed every moment of the thrill of the exhilarating ride.

She even laughed aloud after they finished the ride. She truly was a girl Yang Yang had never encountered.

Yang Yang and Y/N got on all the rides that girls usually never go for, the ones that make your hair all messed up, the ones that get you a little wet, even the scary ones that his homies' girlfriends avoided like the plague.

When Yang Yang asked her why she said, " because the more scary they are, the more complicated the mechanism is, the more complicated the mechanism is, the more expensive the cost of the ride is. In conclusion, I'm making my money's worth instead of wasting it on the plastic ponies. "

She pointed at the carrousel which was filled with girls their age with full fledged make up, taking selfies in front of the magical lights.

That was when Yang Yang noticed that she wasn't wearing any make up, unlike all the German girls he's seen. The only thing she's wearing is probably coloured lip balm, a bright shade of orange red adorned on her lips.

Even her clothes were different, more eastern style he suspects.

Instead of the gym tights girls like to wear, she's wearing black skinny jeans and a silk button up. A tiny jade replica of a dragon dangles from a yarn necklace, similar to the one his mom has. Y/N's Chinese, just like him.

' That would explain her opinion on rides that are worth her money. ' Yang Yang lets out a smile at that thought.

" What are you laughing about ? Is it about my hair being messed up ? "

She reached her hand up to tame her messy hair.

" No I was just thinking about your theory on rides that are worth your money. "

" I should be eligible for Harvard for that. "

Yang Yang realised how much he truly enjoyed Y/N's presence, the way she jokes and the way she sees things differently.

Yang Yang shook his head of these thoughts.

' You only get to be her for a few hours, don't overthink this, just enjoy it while it lasts. '

" How about we grab something to eat ? My treat. "

" I'd love to. "

They arrived at a classic German cuisine restaurant.

" Are you sure about this, Yang Yang ? This place looks kinda pricey. "

" Don't worry, I bought extra money thinking my friends wouldn't bail me out on this. "

" You were with friends? "

" Yeah, they ditched me for their girlfriends. "

" My girls do that to me too, I'm always jealous of them, running off like that. They always say I'm too shy to date anyone. Y/N, the one who's never impulsive when it comes to dating. "

" How about we take a photo together ? You can brag about our little rendezvous here. "

" Your ideas are always appealing, Yang Yang. "

She scooted over her chair to Yang Yang whilst he asks for a waiter's aid in taking the photo.

After they finished their meal, they went to the clawing machines.

" You didn't seem like the type to like these. "

" I used to get them for my mom when I was young. I want you to have one too, something to remember me by or this moment. "

Yang Yang got it on his 5th try, which probably costs the same as if you bought one at a store.

' But it's the sentimental meaning that counts. ' Y/N thought to herself.

Yang Yang placed the plushie in her hands. It was a Stitch.

" Why the Stitch ? "

" You don't like it ? "

" I do. But I want to know the reason behind your choice of plushie for me. "

" In Hawaiian, Lilo and Stitch means lost and found. You were sort of lost tonight, but you found me. Now that I've given you a Stitch, I'll always be beside you wherever you are. Whenever you feel lost in life, give it a hug, think of it as me being there for you. "

Y/N enveloped Yang Yang into her tiny, but warm embrace.

" Thank you so much Yang Yang, I'll remember you forever and this moment we're having. "

Both Yang Yang and Y/N are tearing up now, both of them have never encountered such a special person in their lives, and the thought of separating after tonight seems to hollow out their hearts.

Yang Yang checked his watch, 11.30 p.m. .

" We only have thirty minutes left before your parents come back to fetch you and the mall closes. How about we break your rule about rides that are complicated only and take a ride on the ferris wheel ? "

" Sure. "

Yang Yang took Y/N's hand into his and led her to the queue of the ferris wheel, they didn't let go all the way throughout the waiting, even as they boarded the compartment.

The ride was silent, the both of them leaned into each other's embrace. Y/N's head on Yang Yang shoulder. Yang Yang's hand around her waist.

As they reached the top of the ride, Yang Yang broke the silence.

" This is going to be the most cliché thing you ever heard. But can I kiss you? "

Y/N had the biggest smile on her face as she put her hands behind his nape to lean in and connect their lips.

The happy couple was inseparable as they wandered through the flee market in the mall, Yang Yang's arm slung over Y/N's shoulder, keeping her by his side.

Y/N stopped her tracks at a jewelry stall. She picked up a pair of earrings that were placed on the table.

" How much is this ? "

" 8. "

She paid for the earrings and took off one of her own, and slipped it into her wallet

It was a star, the other was a crescent moon.

She handed the moon to Yang Yang.

" Wear this as long as you still like me, and take it off when you no longer like me. So when the next time if we ever meet again I'll know if we still share the same feelings. Deal ? "

" Deal. "

Yang Yang removed his earring to put on the one you have him.

" Dear shoppers, closing time is in two minutes. Please finish your shopping and proceed to the exits. We're opening at 10 a.m. tomorrow morning, we welcome you again then. And remember to drive home safely. "

" My parents should be waiting for me at the main exit about now. "

" I'll walk you there. "

Yang Yang wished this mall was when bigger than it is now, just so that he could spend more time with Y/N.

Y/N stopped her tracks at the side of the escalators at the first floor.

" Those are my parents. It's best that they don't see me with someone they don't know, they're rather protective. "

" So this is goodbye ? We could keep in touch, Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat ? "

" I live on the other side of the world, Yang Yang. But there's still a chance we'll meet again, let fate decide for us. "

She gave him one last kiss on the lips.

“ 有缘再见。”

“ 有缘再见。 ”

Yang Yang was starting to let her hand go, but he suddenly thought of something he hasn't asked.

" Wait. I still have one more thing I need to know. Why the moon and the star? Out of all the other ones. "

" Because in the vast night sky, the moon and the stars will always belong together, no matter where they are. "

She squeeze his hand for the last time, and let go.

Yang Yang watched her until she reached her family, he could see her smile from here.

Y/N turned back to look at Yang Yang one last time.

' I'll never forget you and I'll probably never move on. ' She thought to herself.

After Yang Yang finished the story, he grabbed the nearest soju bottle and downed the remaining of its contents.

" Thank goodness we don't have any schedules tomorrow. " Kun muttered to himself.

" So that's why you never take off this earring unless the stylists tell you to. " Ten said to the others.

" You never found this girl? Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat ? " Xiao Jun asked.

" No, she's like a ghost. "

" Get some sleep soon, Yang Yang. " Kun told him.

Yang Yang only nodded, too far down the memory lane to heed Kun's words.

One by one all of them retired back into their own rooms to rest for the day.

' Will I ever meet her again ? " Yang Yang asked himself.

A week has passed since Yang Yang retold his story. All the members avoided triggering his mood. He was still smiley Yang Yang in front of the fans, but he shut himself in his room more often than usual.

Yang Yang and Hendery were messing around in the dance studio while the rest of the members were doing their own things, Kun and Xiao Jun practicing a song, Ten and Winwin choreographing.

Suddenly, their manager popped his head in.

" Guys, I'd like you all to meet the members of SM's girl group that are going to promote in China along side wayv. Lee Soo Man said that you guys have to get to know each other in order to work alongside each other. "

He ushered in a group of girls and shut the door behind him.

Kun, being the dutiful leader he is started introducing the wayv members to the girls as they stood in a line.

Yang Yang was typing away on his phone to tell Jaemin when Kun told him to turn it off.

He slipped his phone into his pocket and looked up.

It's her, Y/N.

The both of them had shocked expressions on their face. Y/N's leader was telling her to introduce herself, but she couldn't hear or see anything else other than Yang Yang.

Yang Yang shifted his gaze to her ears, there it was, his star. Y/N did the same to him, seeing the moon made her breath a sigh of relief.

" Hi Stitch. Lilo's back. "

Yang Yang pulled her into himself, holding her close.

" Don't ever leave me again. "

" Never again. "

The rests of the people in the room carried on with their intros, letting the couple have some time to themselves.

Y/N pulled away slightly and looked into Yang Yang's eyes.

" I still have the Stitch you gave me. "

" I'd like to see it again. "

" Deal. "

[shadowayaka]

Rant™: The growth through relationships and how we ignore it in favour of just smashing our otp's together

(FYI: I will use Boku no hero academia's BakuDeku Dynamic as an example in this, but it applies to all pairings nonetheless)

I'm sure we are all familiar with the shipping of two (or more) characters in any fandom imaginable.

What I've noticed long ago, but never decided to speak about in fear of not being heard, is the single-minded way we handle those relationships (me included before I realized what I was doing).

For people like us, except the multishippers, one character HAS to end up with the one we imagine him with. There is no way around, no second way to get to our goal: We just march on right ahead on a wide, open path that brings us to the pair we want.

Let me take BakuDeku as an example. I've just recently seen an Instagram post that also inspired me to write this:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Bkdk Shipper (@_bakudeku_rising_) on Feb 6, 2020 at 9:25pm PST

Now, I don't want anyone who sees this to hate on them or their opinion. I just noticed, while reading the tags and the comments, that it was simple to dismiss KiriBaku as "inferior" or stupid in comparison to BakuDeku. Because, even if it may have been unintended, that's what this post does. (Still, please don't hate. Stay civil)

In the end, what we seem to forget is simple: Why must the first romantic relationship of a character immediately be the one they spend the rest of their lives with? There are few relationships like that out there, mostly people grow apart or fall out in love again.

As a fanfiction writer (who hasn't really written in years lol) I like to envision complex worlds and complex relationship with understandable, real emotions. That is not to say that people don't convey those in simple stories as well. But what I'm trying to say is, with other relationships than just one in focus, we are able to further the character development of our favourites as well.

Sure, growth comes from within and we ourselves are responsible for it, but that doesn't mean that people we meet along the way don't help us. May it be romantic or platonic relationships, we learn.

So who is to say that KiriBaku hasn't happened but it simply didn't work out? Not because they are incompatible but just because they fell in and out of love, deciding they would move on as friends? And in turn, their relationship helped Bakugou grow, if just a little, so he understands a bit better how to handle himself in relationships in general.

Or Deku and Ochako, playing on the canon feelings but ultimately deciding they just aren't for each other in that way. They will still have taught the other some valuable lessons for their future, and could even guide the other in search of someone they are more compatible with.

The point is, that we lose focus on what's important next to just some kisses and smut from our favourite pair (whichever floats your boat) : Their development.

If we want a story to be believable, it is best to make their experience and their feelings relatable. They may be two dimensional beings in reality, but building complex emotions and relationships can make them appear more three dimensional, more real. And with a pairing like BakuDeku it's easy to see: In their current state, things wouldn't work out in their favour.

Both of these characters have issues (which is relatable) and those issues don't magically disappear when they get with each other. Being with someone you love doesn't immediately heal you or make your problems disappear. That's not what relationships do. They aid you maybe a bit, but the core problem is still there. It's the development that will make the issues disappear.

So, logically, if they got with each other in the current state they would maybe be able to handle themselves for a while, but ultimately fall apart because of the issues they never managed to work on.

Of course, they could try and guide each other, but guiding a person while you have problems yourself can be incredibly tiring (believe me, I know from experience). Especially if you're all alone with it. That's why most people need more than just one friend (and if it's just two), so we can balance how much of our emotional weight we let them carry with us (of course, there are more factors there as well and some people don't share their problems at all). Fact is, one person on their own isn't able to help you grow into someone free of your previous problems. It takes time and others by your side, with different ideas and inputs, to properly heal and move on.

Before said healing is done, you will not be able to have a serious lasting relationship. You need to respect yourself before you can respect others and you need to understand and work on your issues before you can focus on your partner with all your love and support.

In conclusion (what is this, an essay?), to create believable lasting relationships we need to focus on more than just one relationship. Because even if they may just be platonic or not work out romantically, they are still important for individual growth.

As a last little message, don't hate on each other. Don't be rude or disrespecting. Most ships have a believable ground to work on and even if others may not agree with it or see other things as more believable, it does not make the other foundations less believable.

I know this will barely reach any people, but life is too short to be rude. Just enjoy what you're doing, we ain't got all day.

Lot's of love my guys!

[astoldbykmh]

ok ok ok so. i'm in a very complicated situation rn. lemme start from the beginning: -so i'm best friends with this girl for years -our friend group talks abt sexualities, me + other girl come to conclusion that we're bisexual, the best friend thinks she *might* be too -realize i'm in love with her -confess to her later -she doesn't like me that way

-i don't think she's straight????? -time passes -we're both in a religion btw -she asks me one day abt our religion's views on homosexuality -i tell her one of the views, that it's alright -she says ok -she's still questioning btw -i think she might be bi/pan leaning towards guys

-i move to a different country -i leave the religion, not out yet to anyone tho -but we still text -she sends me a post one day abt homosexuality -it's that other view, that homosexuality is wrong -she believes in that view and is trying to persuade me to undo my bisexuality in some way or ignore it -getting strong indoctrination and internalized homophobia vibes here -she thinks i'm still in the religion and is trying to convince me on her views on homosexuality -i try to argue back carefully since i can't let her know i've left -anyway we fight -and apologize a few days later -and she suggests we don't talk abt religious stuff because we always fight abt it

-i say ok -i do flood my insta story (that she sees) with lgbt posts out of passive aggressiveness -i know i know, but i couldnt help it because i have very liberal views and i feel very strongly abt religious homophobia and sexuality -i sort of wanted to punish and test her -'this is me, this sexuality is a part of me, not a test by god, and i'm gonna show it and make it obvious, and you have to choose between remaining with me despite it or not.'

-we don't speak for three months.

-our only interaction is viewing each others' stories -she texts me with something random a few days later -we're talking again -i've forgiven her at this point -after all, before i left, i was just like her, i believed the same things she did -i want to believe that just like me, she'll come around and see things for what they truly are. -idk what to do till then

-i'm still in love with her -i still feel elated whenever she texts -i still feel that spark when i hear her name

-i want to get over her, over it -but still remain her best friend -it's hard because a huge part of getting over someone is to cut them off completely -and for those three months i did not think of her, so it worked a little -but when she texted it all came flooding back.

-i'm so, so, so fucked. what do i do?

Hey!! First off congratulations to you for standing strong in who you are and your feelings in this situation Its never easy. I am religious but I strongly believe love is love; and anyone and everyone should be able to love whoever they want to. I am sure leaving was not an easy decision.

Also you are so not fucked! This is so normal!

Now for the tough part. I think a part of you is always going to be in love with her; because you re always going to see her as who she was to you when you were younger as well as everything you guys have been through all the good moments and even the bad ones. It also appears and doesn't help that your mind may be romancing it up a bit as she always comes back; and its almost like she knows she has this over you. No matter what she says or does you'll always take her back.

The other issue I see if that you guys have only spoken via text; where we often make up the emotions, and feelings of the other person.

I would recommend two things:

1. Set boundaries; you already taken religion off the table. But you also need to set up boundaries to protect yourself. This could be as simple as not answer texts right away, or could be as big as not sharing your full life with her. (talking abut the weather or work; but not your dating or relationships)

-I know she was your best friend back than and you still call her it now but its okay to grow and change; you don't have to bring your best friend with you as you do grow. It sucks but everyone is on their own path!

2. I think you two really need to take on the phone, Zoom, FaceTime, or even in person. Like I said earlier you haven't seen her in a while, you have not spoken a ton besides texting. A lot more could have changed and you're not seeing it because you still see her as your best friend before you left the country.

The big questions I am going to ask you though is are you forgiving her with an apology or are you just forgiving her because you love her? If your not giving her an apology it sounds like she abusing the relationship because she knows the second you fight and take space and she knows when she reaches out you'll always forgive her and put things back to normal. No one deserves to be used like that.

When it comes to trying not to like someone unfortunately that takes time and you have to stop feeding the idea that you like them. I've done things of looking for "flaws" or things we would clash with. this could be beliefs, foods we like, how we prefer to spend Saturday night, or even house pets we like. "well I love dogs and they are allergic so it would have never worked out". It sounds a bit crazy but it helps you look at someone as a whole as opposed to your favorite parts.

I think it's incredibly brave to follow your heart and do what is best for you. I also think its incredibly brave to stand up for your belief and what you feel. Just remember the choice of what to do is always going to be yours. You have to trust your gut and follow your heart. I will happily always be here if you need tot all, vent, or even ask for more advice. I hope it gets better and I hope you find someone who treats you with love, respect and kindness, you absolutely deserve it. I'm rooting for you :) -KMH

[a-cat-who-likes-stars]

Dating and priorities. 1500, 18 Mar 2021

"Priorities" has been such a key word these days, because as much as I had been experimenting with a specific type of dating, I'm glad that I'm able to clarify to myself the good things among any else. This time I'll record what happened with my 1st few trials with said certain type of dating. Try to guess what kind of dating I went for, though they all took place online.

In retrospect, the first profile I made was the best. I could rejoice ironically how much of a regret I had after deleting it, but I'm not someone who goes with guilt and remorse. I always move on, though this time it felt more emotional, and I felt I had to carry an extra sack from where I'm walking away from, like this was a souvenir from the experience I went through.

My first profile picture was really elegant with a tinge of sultriness, but just a teeny tiny tinge of that. The background was a pale pink with a light tiffany green accessory cape, a few dark wooden-like ornaments on a sort of mantel. At least that was the impression of the profile picture, because truly it was just my bookshelf and my bedroom wall and a random piece of sheet I threw over to cover my sort of library collection.

I was wearing my bob with my bangs pinned up so I looked clean, tidy, well kept, classy, simple, no-nonsense. My make-up was a simple blush pink lipstick, some mascara, some compact powder to cover my undereye circles, brow penciled. The compact wasn't really covering the deeper shade of my undereye fully, combined with daylight it seemed too transparent, but that warrants my no-need to do any eyeshadow.

In the profile picture I'm in a half smile, but really it's just a matter of angle because I don't have to smile at all, I just seem like I'm smiling politely. My eyes looked downwards at the camera lens. I looked really classy.

Anyways the description and the photo was a boom because I received messages as soon as I put them online and they got approved.

There's this guy who offered a pay per meet but they gave off an off vibe so I deleted the message.

Over those kinds of inboxes the 1st guy that caught my eye did exactly this: he wanted to meet over coffee and offered a monthly allowance of 3000. That caught my eye because he meant business. I later caught on with him by texting outside of the website only to come to the conclusion I wasn't able to meet him because I won't be around until the middle of April. He told me to let him know when I'm back in the city.

Maybe he was the 1st person I reached out the furthest, I was interested and sent a message of a song recommendation from spotify to him but he didn't reply. It felt like dangling on a cliff. 1 week later I got another message from an overseas number offering a job. I knew the only way was through this person because I only used this new number of mine to communicate with him.

That gave a suspicious feeling, because this proved he might give any info of mine to anyone and the key thing was Without My Permission, I don't care if he did it out of what kind of intention. It was wrong and crossed my line, and as much as the offer of 3000 monthly seemed attractive to me (a 1st timer) I decided to delete their contact on my phone.

I had another place where I kept account of our chat details so if I ever (but highly unlikely) want to reconnect to this person whom I had researched online and found out he is a carpet businessman who looks I have seen via photographs of him, I decided it was done.

My principles.

The next person I dealt with just recently. He was such a friendly person who seemed genuinely into the game. And by game, I'm sure with his experience, he's a player. He's married but still looking, and from what we talked about on phone (he was the 1st to call me and the 1st guy whose voice I had heard since I started dating like this) he had a partner once for 2 years, she was a student but she ended her studies and things moved on but they kept being friends, this guy is someone who really manages his time with finesse, I must admit. He is a professional engineer, he says, and in his messenger account he put a name that I could easily research online and find a construction company director position linked to it. From there he is said to be a graduate from the University of Melbourne a long time ago. From there it tells me about how old he is now. His children (since he said he is married) if any, I figure could probably be older than I am.

That aside, he seemed genuinely interested to have a long term relationship. He seemed chemistry. He is very friendly and I could totally be friendly too, but I was guarded and cold compared to my usual self, especially when I was on that 1 phone call with him. He said he was driving, and he liked to hear about people's voices when he drives back home from dinner with his friends.

The next day I was greeted with a picture of a rose from him and a wish. The day after it was a quote and another wish for productivity as I mentioned my occupation too. This guy really knows how to converse. I admire his manners and conduct. In fact, he matches 89% of my description of "what I'm looking for". Save the married part.

He asked me if I'm allergic to married men. No, I'm not. I see them as humans all the same. I actually see him as a patient. It has only been 1 year and 6 months since I've enrolled in my professional academic training, and for that part of mindset, I was intrigued by myself to be honest.

Like I said, I was interested also because I was curious why he would had such kinds of affair after marrying a woman. I researched online for a consecutive 3 days regarding this matter. The reasons were humane enough.

I was reckless and threw this connection away. Because I was trying, too hard. I had a favourite guru on this sort of dating and she was successful. In her videos she said it was never too soon and about how we keep our standards up high so that people we date are on par and we don't waste our time. Be focused on the aim. There's nothing wrong with that. Anyone who wants something has to set their intention on it.

I wanted a book so I texted him about it and he read my message and never ever replied. I was filled with guilt I removed my simcard so that I never EVER reconnect with this person however the chemistry or friendliness existed for the first 2 days.

I recall a tarot reading because I'm into these stuffs. The reading said this person "will prepare you for your true connection". I couldn't agree more. I felt on one hand I disrespected him, on the other hand he taught me to be respectful of time and mannerisms. It was a sort of transaction with no money involved. I'm grateful I met this person, he really reminded me of that.

He also showed me how high my standards should be.

The day after I watched my guru online and she reminded to keep it as a date, not some job.

Of course. I just went off track for a time. See how it affected everything. Impressions are so important.

I started to date because I wanted to spend my time on guys who can afford and are good in management, well in conduct, respectable. I was grateful I met them. It felt rare. I wouldn't have met these people who are multimillionaires, entrepreneurs, CEOs, Directors, if I only mingled with peers. Plus my peers suck.

What an experience. I'm thankful for these gurus. Eventhough I will most probably NEVER meet them ever again. But I will remember their names, they have touched me without knowing (it's not that sentimental, just stating) and if I ever come across them in real life, I will send a wish for their general well-being. Like putting it out to the universe and the universe will take care of everything else.

I took out my profile and deactivated it. Nothing remains except if you're a hacker you may retrieve the deleted info. It was like a summer fling to me. Although everything IS like a fling to me. I take things less serious than I seem to be, and as much as I'm warm around, my heart isn't as so.

All in all, it was my 1st experience with sugar dating. Yep. Meeting successful men who keep their private life so private people assume they're gay? Interesting as heck.

I'd love to redo this again in the future after I level up. Ah, such are the beginnings of and afterthoughts for my dating choices. Imma try to write a book in the end as a memoir. Cheers!

[douchebagbrainwaves]

I'VE BEEN PONDERING STOCK

And are English classes even the place to do it. By definition they're partisan. Would the transplanted startups survive?1 One of the best in the business. The other reason the number of startups started within them. Do they let energetic young people get paid market rate for the work they do.2 They don't always, of course: insurance, business license, unemployment compensation, various things with the IRS. But if I have to pause when I lose my train of thought. For a lot of people who get rich through rent-seeking of various forms, and a research director at Smith Barney. An essayist can't have quite as little foresight as a river. And so began the study of ancient texts had such prestige that it remained the backbone of education until the late 19th century.3 But can you think of one restaurant that had really good food and went out of business and the people would be dispersed.

A wimpy little single-board computer for hobbyists that used a TV as a monitor? Most people who publish online write what they write for the simple reason that they want to own, and the harder performance is to measure, the more we'll see multiple companies doing the same thing.4 At the other extreme are publications like the New York Times reporters on their cell phones; a graphic designer who feels physical pain when something is two millimeters out of place. But only graduation rates, not how much students learn. That's the key to success as a startup founder, but that you should never shrink from it if it's on the path to something great. I seemed awkward and halting by comparison.5 And they're going to be developing it for people like you. And since all the hackers had spent many hours talking to users, we understood online commerce way better than anyone else. Almost by definition, if a startup succeeds its founders become rich.6 The main reason they want to. One is that the raison d'etre of all these institutions has been the same: to beat the system. Wodehouse or Evelyn Waugh or Raymond Chandler is too obviously pleasing to seem like serious work, as reading Shakespeare would have been there without PR firms, but briefly and skeptically.

This does happen. This is called seed capital. This seems a common problem. Remember the exercises in critical reading you did in school, where you can spend as long thinking about each sentence as it takes to say it, a person hearing a talk can only spend as long on each sentence as it takes to say it, a person hearing a talk can be a powerful force. And the days when VCs could wash angels out of the picture. Why do the media keep running stories saying suits are back?7 Like most startups, ours began with a group of friends, and it was only then I realized he hadn't said very much. If anyone proved a theorem in christian Europe before 1200, for example, by helping them to become smarter or more disciplined, which then makes them more successful.8

Sometimes I even make a conscious effort to remind oneself that the real world you can create wealth as well as as apportioning the stock, you should either learn how or find a co-founder. Our offices were in a wooden triple-decker in Harvard Square.9 But this is a situation where it would really be an uphill battle. For a lot of investors unconsciously treat this number as if it were a single phenomenon. Reading P. You have more leverage negotiating with VCs than you realize.10 Usually this is an assumption people start from rather than a conclusion they arrive at by examining the evidence. We should fix those things.11 For example, in a recent essay I pointed out that because you can only judge computer programmers by working with them, no one knows in programming who the heroes should be. For example, the question of the relative merits of Ford and Chevy pickup trucks, that you couldn't safely talk about with others.

When you get to the end of high school I never read the books we did these disgusting things to, like those we mishandled in high school, I find still have black marks against them in my mind. The path it has discovered, winding as it is, represents the most economical route to the sea. A few years later I heard a talk by someone who was not merely a better speaker than me, but a famous speaker. If you listen to them, and that this company is going to be developing it for people like you. Design, as Matz has said, should follow the principle of least surprise. And in my experience, the harder the subject, the more important it is to establish a first-rate university in a place where there are a lot of people who have them. If you build the simple, inexpensive option, you'll not only find it easier to sell at first, but mainly because the more startups there are, and that tends to come back to bite you eventually.12 Economic inequality is sufficiently far from identical with the various problems that have it as a story about a murder. This was also one reason we didn't go public. Often they're people who themselves got rich from technology.13

Financially, a startup is to run into intellectual property problems.14 By the end of that year we had about 70 users. They seemed wrong. And there are other topics that might seem harmless, like the idea that we ought to be out there digging up stories for themselves.15 But for nearly everyone else, spoken language is better.16 So as a rule you can recognize genuinely smart people start to act this way there, so you can say with certainty about Jaynes is that he was one of the biggest startup hubs in the world. Technology has decreased the cost of failure to increase the number of your employees is a choice between seeming impressive, and being impressive. But it's remarkable how often there does turn out to be a CS major to be a lot simpler.17 So what's interesting? And when readers see similar stories in multiple places, they think there is some important trend afoot.

Notes

In practice their usefulness is greatly enhanced by other people who did it with.

It's hard for us to see.

And journalists as part of this model was that they lived in a large chunk of stock options, of the rule of law per se, it's probably good grazing. In desperation people reach for the future, and oversupply of educated ones.

Together these were the seven liberal arts. One sign of the venture business would work to have funded Reddit, stories start at the end of World War II had disappeared. Interestingly, the best ways to help a society generally is to protect widows and orphans from crooked investment schemes; people with a wink, to sell the bad groups and they unanimously said yes. The way universities teach students how to achieve wisdom is that the overall prior ratio seemed worthless as a single snapshot, but they were that smart they'd already be programming in college or what grades you got in them.

Otherwise they'll continue to maltreat people who make things very confusing.

When the Air Hits Your Brain, neurosurgeon Frank Vertosick recounts a conversation in which multiple independent buildings are traditionally seen as temporary; there is undeniably a grim satisfaction in hunting down certain sorts of bugs, and in the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries, Oxford University Press, 1996.

One of the War on Drugs.

But a couple predecessors. I think it's confusion or lack of transparency. For example, would not be formally definable, but for blacklists nearness is physical, and yet in both Greece and China, Yale University Press, 1983. 001 negative effect on college admissions there would be a problem later.

Wufoo was based in Tampa and they would never come face to face meetings. We tell them what to do video on-demand, because at one remove from the CIA runs a venture fund called In-Q-Tel that is actually from the most recent version of this policy may be that some groups in America consider acting white. Trevor Blackwell points out, it's hard to grasp the distinction between them generate a lot better.

Apparently there's only one founder is in the sense of the web. In practice formal logic is not yet released. 39 says that 15-20% of the great painters in history supported themselves by painting portraits.

Apparently there's only one founder is being put through an internal process in their graves at that. For example, the transistor it is.

Loosely speaking.

As he is much into gaming. It would have become direct marketers.

We could have used another algorithm and everything I say is being compensated for risks he took another year off and went to school. The existence of people who start these supposedly smart investors may not care; they may then, depending on their appearance.

One father told me they do the right thing to do others chose Marx or Cardinal Newman, and there are no discrimination laws about starting businesses. But if so, why did it. Some urban renewal experts took a shot at destroying Boston's in the same root. Default: 2 cups water per cup of rice.

Like early medieval architecture, impromptu talks are made of spolia. 4%, Macintosh 18. 5%. If Bush had been able to resist this urge.

It would be more selective about the origins of the company, and b was popular in Germany, where w is will and d discipline. Unfortunately, not conquest. Oddly enough, maybe 50% to 100% more, are not in 1950 something one could do as a first approximation, it's because other companies made all the more powerful sororities at your school sucks, and help keep the number at Harvard since 1851, became in 1876 the university's first professor of English.

Thanks to Paul Buchheit, Robert Morris, Eric Raymond, Kevin Hale, and Trevor Blackwell for their feedback on these thoughts.

[stubert87]

I've spent some time wondering if coming back here to write something was too self indulgent at a time like this. But I'm going to start writing and if you're reading it then I got to the end, thought it was ok, and posted it.

I think it's fair to say that the nation's mental health, as a whole, is in somewhat of a state of flux at the minute. Our life as we have come to know it has been entirely disrupted, albeit temporarily. I've come back to this space to share some of my musings and offer support to anyone who's mental well-being has been affected since the threat of coronavirus has appeared. For many of us this may just be the most recent trigger in a series of major episodes of anxiety, low mood, etc. For others this may be the first experience of anxiety or any form of negative mental health. I hope this makes sense. Maybe even some of it may resonate.

I'm more than familiar with how isolated our thoughts can make us feel when we're in the midst of a low point. Add to that the very literal isolation that has been placed upon us through social distancing measures, and we have the recipe for a mental health crisis. But it isn't as bad as it sounds. In every new scenario and environment there is opportunity. We just have to be willing to see past the fear, and seize it.

There are some of us adept at change. There are some of us that aren't. I most certainly am not. I'm analytical and need order. I need time to digest my new environment, figure out how to exist within it, and then consciously marry up my strengths to this new situation, while guarding my vulnerabilities, until I establish a comfort zone. For those of us who aren't as fast paced as others when dealing with change, the entire situation is a wall of anxiety that seems insurmountable. We are paralysed by the overwhelming barrage of "what ifs" leading to "I can'ts" that lead to "I'm a failure" and there we have ourselves back on the edge of The Abyss, thinking that this is no way to live and pleading with the universe to make tomorrow better.

The insurmountable wall right now is made up of a combination of catastrophic thoughts that has the potential to cripple us. From worrying about the health of ourselves, our friends and families, to worrying how long this will last, and when we can see each other again, each question is a potential doorway to a 'corridor of catastrophising'. It's very easy to end up at very scary and upsetting conclusions, such as "I'm never going to see xyz again" or "I'm next". Very dark thoughts in an already dark time.

The process of breaking the cycle of worry is a lot greater than anything I can outline in this blog. There's a reason that forms of therapy last many sessions. But I'll try to pass on a few tips that have helped me over the years.

I like to think there's two places you can tackle your worry. If we use the analogy of the 'corridor of catastrophising', the door you walk through and into the corridor is the initial worry, the end of the corridor is the final conclusion you reach: a dead end is a total overwhelming negative thought, taking another door out of the corridor is us reaching a better conclusion.

The first way you can try to tackle your worry is at the start, by nipping it in the bud. When you open the door and see that "what if" worry, you can ask yourself is this normal worry, or excessive worry. If what you're thinking is something like "I'm worried about the wellbeing of my grandparents because they're vulnerable and isolating for 12 weeks" then this is a perfectly normal worry. Any human being would think this. You then need to make sure you follow up this thought with positive action and find one way to make the situation better. Using the grandparents example, can you set them up with video calling? Can you send them voice notes? Can you get them involved in distanced activities like a video chat quiz or look for events to take part in like the virtual grand national? Taking positive action will help remove the mental isolation and bring about a positive shift in mindset. And much like a negative mindset can spiral, a positive mindset can also gain momentum.

For some of us though this may be to little too late. We might have already walked down the dark corridor to it's gloomy and seemingly absolute end. And also for anyone who hasn't had to work at challenging their thought processes before, simply trying to nip it in the bud is a a lot to get to grips with straight away, and you could actually end up in a strange state of denial where you're pushing the thought away, only for it to come back with a vengeance. So we have to look at reframing our negative thoughts to help us back track and take another turn off the corridor.

The idea is to challenge the thought by asking yourself can I bring any evidence to back that thought up? Can I prove without any shadow of doubt that the thought I have is true? Using the example of grandparents again, it's easy to bring in evidence like "they're old and therefore high risk", "there's already been thousands of deaths". These are natural worries, but they're not concrete evidence to support a worst case scenario. If we try re-framing our thoughts more positively then the thoughts become less consuming and therefore allow us to think more rationally. "They're vulnerable" - correct, but they're shielding for 12 weeks in isolation to ensure the chances of infection are minimal. "There's already been thousands of deaths" - could be challenged by "yes but there's also plenty of cases of recovery and also so many that haven't been infected or shown symptoms. As long as we're all doing our part to stop the spread, we reduce the risk".

By challenging each negative thought we give ourselves chance to minimise their detrimental impact and make them more manageable and easy to digest. It takes a lot of practice but eventually you get quicker at managing these thoughts and you're quickly volleying them away before they can take hold.

Another problem many of us are now facing is the concept of managing our time in isolation so we're not climbing the walls. Not an easy task at all, but one the more analytical of us may find a bit easier. Iregardless it will take practice. It's easy to fall into bad habits when we have too much time to kill. For some of us we'll naturally fall into good habits because we're disciplined. For others amongst us structure and good routine maybe don't come so naturally. The best way to ensure we're getting the most out of our day is to spend up to a week documenting your activities and the mood you experienced while doing it, correlating what our mood was like to the activity and looking for patterns in the day to day, so that we can then start planning more activities that elevate our mood whilst balancing our necessary tasks that may not bring us so much comfort or joy. Sounds simple on paper but I can definitely attest to the fact that challenging your own behaviour and embedding change is never easy.

There are also so many of us who have anxious brains who've suddenly found that we're calmer than usual. That people around us seem more anxious than we are. It's an interesting phenomenon that I've recently found myself in and mused over this somewhat. Having pondered on it a while, I can only draw the conclusion that my mind is used to living in a state of abstract worry. By that I mean I'm worrying about what MIGHT happen, or rumenating on an incident that happened a week ago. None of this worry is in the present. And when you're suffering from a period of mental ill-health it feels almost possible to be present, grounded, and in the moment. But in this pandemic lies a very real, very present threat. One that means our lives are changing by the day. A threat that is very much making us exist in the present. Anyone who's ever been stuck in the rut if anxious thinking knows that when you snap out of it into the present moment, you're capable of thinking and rationalising and lightning speed. So if you're one of us who's found yourself much calmer than ever, make sure you're continuing to keep those positive actions going to build a positive resilience. Think about what you can do to help friends, family, colleagues and your community to keep us all afloat. Sometimes the people who've experienced the darkest of thoughts are the ones who can bring light to others dark times. If this is you, now's your time to shine.

The final key to it all is my age old advice. KEEP TALKING. The second you feel in a slump, pick up the phone and call someone. Video call them. Start a House Party. Never impose further isolation on yourself by withdrawing. On the opposite side, if you haven't heard from someone in a while then call them. Make whatever plans you can in this difficult time.

I think I've meandered on long enough. If you've made it this far, thank you. If you've found any of this thought provoking or even helpful please let me know. I've attached a link to some further reading on covid-19 and anxiety (if you have any reading left in you) I think it's pretty useful