#and if i cant handle working 2 days a week. how can i handle a real fucking job. how can i handle anything

[weirdlizard26]

ngl guys. my chances of graduating feel thinner and thinner by the minute

[bangcakes]

.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for calling my friend s bad friend?

Basically, I cant stand people being late due to constantly being let down by family (like saying they would show up to my university graduation and then didn't, missing me win an award at an award dinner I was at but showing up in time for dessert, etc). I've been in therapy and am getting better.

I can handle 5-10 minutes of lateness. I can understand if there is an accident or traffic jam, just let me know!

But Jenny...

Jenny knows I have these issues, I had told her to her face about how I despise lateness and view it as someone not valuing my time or friendship, but I guess I didnt explicitly state SHE was doing that. However she was late two weeks ago by 30 minutes and told me "yeah I know you don't like it when im late" so she does know

Shes always late. Shes on time for work and her classes at university, but not for when we meet up. The first time she was 2 hours late, causing us to miss the show we were going to go see.

The other day, she was 3 hours late. She only lives 15 minutes from me and told me she had just made it home and was going to eat lunch then come to mine. When the first hour went by I texted. Then the second I did again. No response any time. It freaked me out because then I was panicked, like what if she got in an accident. 3 hours late she finally texts me saying "hey can we postpone until 6?" To which I told her we should just meet another time. If she had said she didn't want to meet up I would be fine with that, but don't leave the expectation that you are still coming.

So, today Jenny was supposed to meet so we could see a movie. We had to leave to get there in time. She didn't arrive at the time I told her, which was not the real time. 30 minutes go by I text her and she doesn't respond. I leave at the latest I could have and maybe sped a bit to get there in time. I watched the entire movie and she didn't text me until almost an hour after, by that point I was already home.

She got upset i watched the movie without her. I flat out said she was a bad friend for not texting saying she couldn't make the time, constantly making me worry when she doesn't show up on time, and even being aware that I dont like when people are late and choosing to do it anyways. She called me an asshole and said I was overreacting because of how my family treated me.

AITA?

[christinarowie332]

stupid fucking kid

part 2 of “stupid horny fucks”

chris sturniolo x reader .

angst .

warnings : language , talk of sex . angst . depictions of depressive episodes. regret .

not proof read cuz i don’t have time for that. 😀

———

it’s been a week . seven days of avoiding conversations with him , seven days of “oh sorry i’m busy” messages to nick when he asks to come over . i cant even think straight .

one week ago .

“he flops down next to me , his chest heaving and loose curls wet slightly around his neck with sweat .

“what the fuck just happened” i say looking over to him

he just stares at the ceiling .

what the fuck just happened .

“i’m gonna go-“ i try to continue but the sight of chris’s eyes closed and soft hums of sleep stop me .

my mind races with scenarios and past conversations. he doesn’t want a relationship. i don’t even know if i do . i just fucked my best-friend. how the fuck did that even happen . the same kid that i see allmost everyday , i’ve known him for years , what the fuck have i just done .

“chris i’m gonna go .” i whisper to his sleeping body , while getting out of bed and grabbing the sweatpants and tank top from the floor , and leaving the room . as i walk downstairs my vision gets blurry as regret and guilt sets in . i can hear nick and matt ask questions but before i know it i’m in my car and speeding home .

what the fuck just happened.

now.

the ceiling seems to move as i stare into the white space, shadows curve and shift with stars before i blink them away and look towards the notification lighting up my dark room . i notice the time . 2.36 , jesus . not bothering to read the notification i silence my phone and turn over in my sheets . the cold kisses my face as my cheeks slide over my pillow , fingers numb at the temperature as i place them both under the cover and curl the duvet up to my neck . closing my eyes allows the thoughts to run wild , my estranged relationship with the triplets , the fact i haven’t left my house in days , my plants are wilted as i’ve neglected them. chris .

i open my eyes and see the mascara stained bedding from last night . grey droplets seeping into the fabric left marks . a physical reminder for everyone to see . well. that’s if anyone bothered to check on me . it’s not their fault , the moment matt called me to check if i was ok i changed the subject, called him stupid and laughed , deciding to let him talk instead of me . it worked the first two days , then the missed meetings rang alarm bells for nick , he showed up at my house , ringing the doorbell to which i ignored . i shouldn’t have done that . the thoughts that were once plaguing my head were cut off as i hear a car pull into my driveway . the sound of my dogs nails tapping into the wooden floor confirms it , she knows the sound of matt’s car .

as i reach the door i take a breath before opening it , gripping the handle for stability , nuckles whitening at the force . i’m met with shy blue eyes and stubble , his hair flowing around his hat and vivien westwood necklace swaying on his chest .

“hi”

his voice is hourse , it allmost sounds deeper, my lips twitch at his nervous tone but it never quite meets a smile as i know why he’s here . “hi chris.” my eyes focus on the car and i notice matt behind the wheel looking angry , probably at being dragged out the house , but his eyes soften when he meets my gaze . i shift out the way for chris to enter the house , it’s only now i realise the state im in and cover my body with my arms .

i close the door behind him and turn to look at him sheepishly. he looks nervous, his hands are in his pockets and he won’t meet my eye contact . i’m not sure if it’s embarrassment or anxiety but whatever it is , it’s not chris .

“look y/n i’m-“

“does matt know?” i cut him off unintentionally, something changes in his features. this is something he can answer . an easy thing to talk about . “no , i figured it’s up to you to tell him.” he answers confidently, like he’s doing me some fucking favour . quickly the pain turns into anger , and i feel adrenaline fill my chest , as much as i wish it was a different feeling i’m happy to feel something.

“what the fuck does that mean? u give me the job to tell him ? what are u too embarrassed to tell him?” i snap at him . i subconsciously curse myself , knowing this is not what i wanted to say . but this is easier then watching him walk away all together. this he’s good at , this he knows how to do . argue .

“what ? no of course not? y/n i just-“

“you just what ? too embarrassed to say we fucked and u ghosted me ?”

“ghosted you ? i didn’t fucking ghost you , you just left ? u literally fucked then dipped ? what am i supposed to do tell him hm?” he raises his voice , his calm demeanour slowly melting away . he takes a step towards me and i take a step back , my back hitting the radiator attached to wall and i wince at the pain . he notices and takes a step back again , taking a shakey breath in and bites the inside of his lip . “look y/n , im sorry okay ? i don’t know what i did or how to fix it but i’m sorry . i thought u wanted it as much as me but i’m sorry if you-“

“no chris i did, i thought i did , but i just don’t think it should have happened, i feel wierd . i cant believe i fucked you literally minutes after u meant to send a dick pic to another girl” i calm myself down now , matching his energy, my neighbors did not want to hear two teenagers shout about dickpics at 2 in the morning . “ i feel disgusting , u took my fucking virginity and-“

“what” he cuts me off confused , looking away in thought i watch as his shoulders relax and eyes glaze over for a second . “i’m so sorry i didn’t even know , i didn’t think , that picture was stupid , it was a mistake in itself i don’t even know that girl . she just looked like you so-“

what .

———

yikes y/n seriously needs some therapy

tag list:

@mangosrar @soursturniolo @biimpanicking @kvtie444 @kenzieiskoolaid @cabincorematt @urmyslxt @chrisenthusiast @mattsd0ll @iheart2021chris @recklesssturniolo @lovingsturniolo @loveesiren @paper-crab @lustfulslxt @daddyslilchickenfingers @strniohoeee @ermdontmindthisaccount @sturnphilia @bluesturniolo333 @lea0518 @chrisolivia4l @its-jennarose @freshlovehacker @kitaysworld @littlebookworm803 @liz-stxrn @rac00ns-are-c00l4

————

[ceriisetheflower]

Self Care (M)

omega!renjun

wc: 4.8k

synopsis: renjun decides to take on his first heat the best way he knows how, as luxuriously as possible.

cw: smut...a lot of it. in immense detail. sex toys, pornography, multiple orgasms, unrealistic amounts of cum, stomach bulge, male squirting/watersports (depending on what you consider squirt to be lmao), overstimulation, cum eating, dildo sucking, mentions of fictional heat related illnesses, america-centric world building, a bitch with no friends attempting friendly dialogue.

a/n: well here it is! first full fic. believe it or not this was meant to be no longer than 1k, then i realized i get kinda pissed when fics don't include enough context for elements in the fic so i'd be a hypocrite if i didn't paint a likely unnecessarily vivid picture. feedback is much appreciated!

we love u very dearly junnie B💛

❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈

The sound of the dryer finishing its freshly washed load of delicates interrupted his fifth run through of his checklist. “Ok, let’s see….lube? Check. Waterproof blankets? Check. Three hour long Alpha on Alpha porn playlist? Check.” Renjun finally sighed with relief. It’s not everyday he obsesses over the amount of lube he has in his arsenal (he restocks his eight oz bottle of sliquid sassy every eight weeks on the dot), but it’s a special occasion. The special occasion.

He rebukes the term “late-bloomer”, despite the average age for an omega’s first heat occurring around eighteen. Renjun has always justified his lack of mating cycles with his ever present practicality. “You were absolutely ridiculous for a week straight until your heat broke.” He recalls to Donghyuck during their semi-regularly scheduled facetime catch-up they’ve adopted post grad school.

“I had so much going on freshman year, it would’ve made no sense for me to have to deal with a heat. Twenty-four is a way better age anyways, my prefrontal cortex is like eighty-five percent done, I can actually handle my brain being scrambled eggs for five days”. He says passively, ignoring the unimpressed look coming from the boy on the other side of the phone.

He unfortunately remembers the horrors of hearing Donghyuck’s first heat through their paper mache dorm room walls when they were eighteen, and the next heat three months later, and the next eighteen heats he endured as Donghyuck’s roommate. He’s convinced the boy has had enough heats for the both of them, especially considering Renjun was held solely responsible for ensuring his dear friend didn’t die of hunger or dehydration through them. It's a thankless job, but someone had to do it.

“Right, so I guess twenty-four is also the age where you’re finally gonna finish growing huh? Prime time to finally reach big boy height.” Donghyuck quips back, taking a break from grading assignments to goad the blonde boy giving him a deadpan stare through the phone.

“Bitch you’re literally 5’6 1/2 what are you talking about?” Renjun retorts, “it’s no way you’re calling me short when you just complained about how you cant find shoe lifts in canada.” Donghyuck widens his eyes in shock. “Talking about shoe lifts when you just begged me to ask Doyoung if he could hem those jeans 6 inches shorter is crazy work Renjun.” 

They continue their childlike bickering over their similarly petite frames for an unreasonable amount of time, before Donghyuck remembers the real reason for today’s meeting. “Ok but seriously, how are you feeling about this whole thing? I know it’s kinda a lot at once, be honest with me?” Donghyuck starts. He woke up two days ago to Renjun’s frenzied calls, knowing his friend was well aware that waking hours for him in Atlanta were still Donghyuck’s “dead to the world” hours in Vancouver, he was for certain there was an actual emergency.

Renjun had woken up with a pounding headache, abdominal cramps, and the unsettlingly wet mouth feel that comes right before vomiting. He knew what that meant, but refused to actually confront what was happening until Donghyuck got a look at him and convinced him to go to the omega urgent care. Donghyuck sat on the phone with him while he waited for the doctor, cheered as Renjun got the confirmation he was in pre-heat (much to Renjun’s dismay), and helped him pick the best painkillers to aid his cramps and headache. It was the best he could do from another country, fighting the urge to book a flight to go support his best friend in what’s easily the most important event in an omega's life. His husband only barely managed to convince him it was unnecessary and that they could just send him a nice care package in the mail on expedited shipping, Mark was always the level headed one in the relationship.

Renjun sighed before he could answer. “To keep it one-hundred percent real with you, I’m terrified. Like am I gonna be okay? What if I fuck up somehow and I end up never being able to have kids or something insane? Anything could happen?” Renjun said, ever the worrywort and full of trepidation about new experiences. Donghyuck scoffed, rolling his eyes at the catastrophization of the world’s most natural activity. “Friend, how could you possibly fuck up jerking off? You’ve had a solid twelve years of experience for this, relax!” Renjun shut his eyes and huffed in annoyance, “Obviously that’s not what I’m worried about idiot. I’m worried that I won’t be able to actually satisfy myself through the whole thing, and you know what happens if I can’t be fully satisfied.” Donghyuck sighs in acknowledgement.

Continuous Heating Syndrome, colloquially known as a heat frenzy, is a rare but unfortunate side effect of a heat that goes unsatiated. Nonstop migraines, vomiting, loss of motor function, seizures, or shit...even worse. Donghyuck has heard horror stories of omegas having perfectly normal heats that turn into three week stints at the hospital after they couldn’t break. Scary shit. Rare for all omegas, but increasingly likely for an unmated omega without consistent access to a knot, a category which Renjun unfortunately falls into. “Look at it this way” Donghyuck starts, “It’s not like you have no options at all. You don’t necessarily have to do this alone.” Renjun grimaces. He knows exactly where Donghyuck is going with this, and he’s not even remotely here for it.

 “I’m not calling the heat hotline.” Renjun was scared, not desperate. He had no reason to hire a random Alpha who needed extra money to come fuck him for five days straight, he could figure something else out for sure. “Oh girl please!” Donghyuck exclaims, “That’s literally exactly what you need right now! They’re super strict about testing so you won’t have to worry about that, plus it’s covered by your insurance? What is the issue?” Renjun rolls his eyes, ‘The issue is that you think i’m supposed to just randomly fuck the first alpha who doesn’t look like he snuck on the planet just to stop myself from going into a coma, I have options bitch!” 

Donghyuck scoffs, “Sure you do. Is now the time when Jen and Jae finally jump through the screen of their newest edging scene to keep you company through your heat? Porn only takes you so far, friend.” Renjun hates that Donghyuck knows him well enough to know he’s been anxiously scouring his favorite alpha pornstars’ onlyfans to find some semblance of relief through his rapidly approaching week of agony. “I have toys! So many toys! I don’t need an alpha at all, I have like six different vibrating cocks to choose from” Renjun grumbled. He was a fully self sufficient twenty-four year old omega who doesn’t need an alpha! Or so he continues to force himself to believe.

“If you’re gonna be stubborn about it, the least you can do is be safe.” Donghyuck says, his worried expression softening the defensive stance Renjun has adopted. “You do have someone nearby right? Just in case you need someone to check in on you in person?” “Of course, Yangyang and Chenle are in the building down the street, if I need a restock on anything or if I start overheating and dying I can call them.” Renjun replies, in an attempt to calm his friend from his concerns. “You’re not gonna die girl. Especially since I found the perfect thing to help you out!” Donghyuck beams, giving Renjun his signature “I’ve done something I know you won’t like but I’m smart enough to know it’s what you need" look.

“Is it a dick? Don’t buy me a dick Hyuck I swear to god.” Renjun says, “Is that what you’ve been doing this whole time? Dick shopping instead of feeling sorry for me? I can't believe this.” “If it makes you feel better it’s not a dick, you have so many other ones another would be excessive, even for me. You’re gonna love it though! All those fears of heat frenzy are gonna go right out the window!” Renjun eyes the brunette through the screen suspiciously, Donghyuck’s odd enthusiasm has been the catalyst to multiple cautionary tales Renjun is saving for his grandkids. Now might be the worst time to let his guard down. “I swear to god, if it’s something weird i’m sending it back and getting a restraining order.” Donghyuck giggles in nefarious delight, “It’ll be at your doorstep in two days!” Renjun groans in horror.

Renjun is shaken from his daydream riddled with Donghyuck’s alarming cackles by the sound of the doorbell being rang for the fourth time. “Oh! Coming, coming, so sorry!” He yells out, rushing to the front door to see his instacart delivery driver struggling to hold Renjun’s last minute groceries. The poor guy takes a deep breath and tries not to look nearly as phased as he is by Renjun’s sweet bergamot scent. “I-I wasn’t able to find the caramel pecan cookies, so I got you an extra box of kitchen sink cookies, I hope that’s ok?” The man stutters, clearly fighting the urge to comment on what smells like the sweetest omega he’d ever met. “Oh no worries! Thank you so much, they always go out of stock pretty quick.” Renjun replies, now increasingly aware of the alpha’s growing nervousness and intensified teakwood scent.

He hurries to grab the groceries from the boy and set them on his kitchen counter. “Here you go!” Renjun says, handing over his nice ten percent tip for the guy’s troubles. “T-T-Thank you!” he replies, after making a horribly obvious attempt at trying to inhale as much of Renjun’s residual scent on the ten dollar bill. Renjun awkwardly waves him goodbye, and closes the door of his apartment asking whichever deity that watches over him why he couldn’t have already been mated to avoid having to endure that. The plights of a single omega, he thinks to himself, now rapidly moving towards his kitchen to take final inventory. 

His heat is scheduled to begin sometime tonight, made clear by his overwhelming scent and his unbearable body temperature. He’s already considered turning his air conditioner up higher, but realizing that his poor plants would hate to live in a house that’s fifty-five degrees for a week straight, he suffers in a scantily clad haze. He’s stocked up with seven cases of water, four boxes of cookies, six frozen pizzas, and three family sized bags of chicken nuggets. His poor air-fryer will be working overtime this week, Renjun is fully prepared to only have twenty minutes of energy between heat spikes to keep himself semi-sufficiently nourished. He grabs an armful of waters and sports drinks he’d picked up earlier that week to carry them to his room. He placed them next to the other small snacks he’d put in his mini fridge conveniently sitting next to his nest, there was no way he’d be able to make it to the kitchen after the first few rounds and immediate hydration was a non-negotiable.

Renjun took a moment to be proud of himself. He was a single omega preparing for the most intense and important event of his life. All those incredibly awkward sex-ed lessons he endured in middle school, and the trauma-inducing nights spent handing Donghyuck and Mark bottles of gatorade and fruit snacks while trying to avoid  seeing any genitals had finally led up to this moment. Renjun was fully prepared. Renjun was gonna be okay. 

His doorbell rings again. This time unexpectedly. He opens the door to find another delivery man, this time an omega, Renjun can tell by the soft lavender scent. “Order for Renjun Huang?’ The man asks. Renjun grimaces at the horrifically American butchering of his name, giving a pleasant but unsure smile. “Yes! That’s me” Renjun replies, taking a look at the ominously large box the man is holding. "Great, sign here please” He grumbles, trying to make quick work of what Renjun can only presume is his last delivery of the day. Renjun makes quick work of scribbling his signature on the dotted line, before mumbling a quick thank you and grabbing the box. It’s oddly heavy, which wouldn’t be too concerning, until he took a closer look at the label and read ‘From: Mark and Donghyuck ♡,” in Donghyuck’s messy half cursive half print handwriting.

“Oh dear god” Renjun thinks, now the weight of the box is a genuine cause for concern. He heaves the box to his counter and takes a deep breath before cutting it open. Much to his surprise, it’s all normal nice things. He pulls out a box of the maple cookies Renjun became obsessed with when Mark brought them back a box after returning to campus from his thanksgiving break in Vancouver, the ones Renjun was pissed to find out aren’t available in Atlanta. He sees a stuffed bear and stuffed cheetah wrapped in plastic, Renjun pulls them out to admire the resemblance to his dear friends before he realizes they were both scented like Hyuck and Mark. Renjun could just cry. He felt so loved and cherished by his best friend, how loving and thoughtful Donghyuck always was despite being a smug piece of shit ninety percent of the time. He’s been wanting nothing more than to experience one of their “cuddle puddles”, that while Renjun would always protest, he secretly loved. He pulls out a lovely soft yellow blanket with pretty little ruffles on the ends, perfect to go in his nest for added comfort. Wrapped in the blanket is a little note: 

 “You’re gonna have a great time Junnie! Don’t overthink things, just relax and enjoy the ride! We love you so very much! - Hyuckie and Markie”

Renjun is tearing up, his friends love him so much, he’s gonna be okay! Then he sees another box at the bottom, hidden by the blanket and other gifts before it. He shimmies the black box out of the larger brown one and places it on the counter, now able to get a full look at what the picture on the box is displaying. The tears instantly dry. The feelings of love and admiration are replaced with immediate annoyance.

In a scary showcase of friendship telepathy, his phone rings, lighting up with the picture Donghyuck took of his flared nostrils freshman year. Renjun sighs, then answers the phone. “Why would you buy me a fuck machine?” Renjun stares into the phone, hoping to look as menacing as he can in a hello kitty headband holding his blonde strands from his face. “I see you got our present.” Donghyuck replies, shit eating grin so intense his lips were threatening to split apart. “I told you I had just the thing in mind for your heat girlie!” Renjun huffs with the full intent to call Donghyuck everything but a child of god, but he’s getting hotter and the throbbing between his legs is getting more intense. Tonight he chooses peace. “In seven days you’ll begin to cough” he says, and hangs up the phone to let out a loud exasperated grunt. 

Now the real preparation begins. Renjun walks over to his dryer and pulls out his satin robe he’d freshly washed for the occasion. He makes his way over to his bathroom to begin the most intense shower he’s had since his last failed date with an alpha he met on Wolfr. “Nice dick, horrendous vibes.” Renjun shudders at the memory. “Maybe that’s just how guys from Connecticut are? Connecticut is barely a real place, who cares.” He pauses his internal monologue for a moment to place a vanilla scented shower steamer in the corner of the tub. He lights himself a few overpriced indie candles he got from a small business bazaar in the city, and starts easing himself out of his tiny shorts.

He takes his time pulling the silky fabric of his briefs, gently coaxing his dick out of the fabric. He shudders at the cold air hitting his half-hard cock, sending shivers up his spine and another light stream of slick out of his tip. “Fuck,” He moans softly, entirely too aroused for his own good. He pulls his shirt over his head, shuddering again when the air hits his puffy swollen nipples. He takes the time to get a full look at himself in the full size mirror. “Fuck I’m hot. No wonder that Alpha almost popped his knot earlier,” Renjun smiles to himself confidently.

He makes his way into the shower, taking a deep breath of the warm vanilla scent circling him, meshing wonderfly with his own light citrusy aroma. The hot water of the shower electrifies Renjun’s body, he takes a moment to soak in the amazing feeling of the heat comforting his aching limbs. He starts with his favorite lemon and honey scented body wash to begin carefully massaging his arms and chest with the warm and fruity bubbles.

The sensation of the lather was already driving him crazy, absolutely loving the way his hands gilded seamlessly over his hips and ass. Renjun wasn’t normally the type to be so turned on by his own body, he guesses it’s just the excess hormones making any sight of bare skin immensely arousing. He snaps out of his hormone induced stupor to remember that he has a whole shower routine to get through, so he gives his soft chest a final squeeze, then moves back under the welcoming stream of the water to rinse himself clean. He grabs his body scrub and locks in for the remainder of his shower. 

Renjun emerges in a cloud of sugary citrus air, intoxicating even to himself. He wraps himself in his gold satin robe, and makes his way to his vanity for his finishing touches. Renjun digs through his copious amounts of products to find the expensive body oil he’s been saving for this very occasion. He strips off his robe, and starts massaging the oil into his skin, starting at his legs. Every dip his fingers make into his skin brings him closer to ecstasy. Closer to what he knows is gonna be the most intense feeling of his life. He’s just barely finished rubbing himself down when he starts leaking a new stream of slick from his puckered asshole.

“Oh shit, that must mean it’s about to be time huh?” He figures, moving to wrap his robe around him yet again to avoid his neighbors getting a free show through his open blinds. He draws the curtains, dims the lights, and connects his television to his laptop for an optimized viewing experience. He already has his nightly entertainment pulled up, three hours of Jen and Jae’s best material. Nothing that riles Renjun up more than seeing an alpha take a eleven inch dick like he was made for it.

He settles into the spot he carefully carved into his nest, when he lays his eyes on the pretty yellow blanket Donghyuck sent him in his care package. Then he thinks about what else was present in the care package. He pauses for a second, thinking about how he actually hadn’t even taken the fuck machine out of the box. “Well obviously I didn’t take it out the box, I’m not giving Hyuck the satisfaction of knowing I used a toy he gave me,” Renjun thinks to himself. Then again, it’s not as if Hyuck has to know Renjun used it. Then again, it’s not as if using it could be a bad idea, Renjun considers.

He drags himself out of bed to collect the box from the kitchen counter, setting it down on his bed as he begins to actually open the machine. He definitely recognizes the machine, it’s pretty famous among omega content creators due to its lightweight build and convenient suction cup base to accommodate any dildo the user pleases. He looks over at the extended assortment of toys he’s curated for tonight’s events:  a vibrating fleshlight for his cock and three different dildos in ascending length and thickness for his differing stages of need. Renjun felt his hole flutter with excitement as another gush of slick slid down his thighs.

He thinks about it for a moment, considering how much nicer it'd be if he didn’t have to be responsible for thrusting his toys in and out of his slicked hole. He decides to use the suction cup base of the fuck machine to attach it to the headboard of his bed, checking the height of his placement to ensure it would be the perfect height for him to comfortably get backshots from the toy. If he’s desperate enough for it he, reasons, first choosing to hold off from letting Donghyuck be right about something for as long as possible. With the machine firmly secured, Renjun settles back into his comfy spot in the nest. He takes off his robe, presses play on his laptop, and reaches for his fresh bottle of lube to start massaging his warm cock. 

He’s 10 minutes into watching Jae eat Jen’s ass when Renjun finally has his first orgasm. His little heaves and moans fill the room as he milks himself of his well deserved release. “Ooh…ahh…ahh...fuck!” He shouts, pulling himself further into overstimulation as his vision starts to haze over. He’s laying in a puddle of hot slick, constantly pumping out more and more as he keeps toying with his cock. He’s using his other hand to pump his fingers furiously in his asshole, loving the searing sensation of his hole stretching over his digits. “Mmm fuck...fuck, ooh make him cum Jae” he moans, picturing himself as the pornstars’ third wheel in their bedroom.

He realizes his hands aren’t gonna cut it though, he releases his cock from his vice grip and winces as he pulls his fingers from his ass to grab his fleshlight and the smallest dildo from the pile. “Oh shit,” he hisses, feeling that same intoxicating stretch to the next degree as he tries to slip the seven inch toy deep inside. He needs another large squirt of lube to get the job done, a sign he hasn’t completely gone into heat quite yet, letting his semi-delirious brain know he still has some semblance of self-control.

He pours another squirt of lube directly into the fleshlight, giving it a few pumps with his fingers, and then using those same fingers to pump his cock, before squeezing his drained but solid dick into the tight slippery hole.  He’s fully entranced in the sensations of his body now, leaking so much slick his toy keeps slipping out of his hole. The throbbing between his legs is reaching an ungodly peak, rushing his second orgasm into him like a train. “Ahhhh FUCK,” he screams, feeling the pulse of his prostate send him into overdrive. His cum and slick is pooling at the base of his dick, overflowing the fleshlight and adding to the lewd sounds deafening his ears.

He makes a move to turn up the vibrations on the toy, barely getting a chance to move his hand from the button before the pulse of his third release shakes him to the core. Renjun is completely lost at this point, barely aware of anything around him other than his seemingly never ending fountain of cum and the hypnotic sights and sounds of his favorite muscle bottom getting dicked within an inch of his life. God he wishes that was him taking alpha meat. Then he remembers it totally can be him. He grabs the biggest dick he owns, neglecting any more prep that the fifteen minutes of intense pounding hasn’t provided, and sticks the heavy dildo to the waiting base of the fuck machine.

He positions himself comfortably in front of the plastic cock, taking a moment to admire his mess on his satin sheets. “S-Shit…ohhh fuck,” he hisses as he shoves the toy into his ass. He barely gives himself a moment to adjust before he reaches for the remote to start the lowest thrusting pattern, desperate for the feeling of his hole getting stretched to its limits. Renjun lets out a low groan while the toy picks up speed. He clicks it up to the second level and jolts as the tip of the cock starts hitting his prostate. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh,” he groans, spilling more slick onto his sheets and sliding into his fourth orgasm, leaving his mind completely broken. He sets his fleshlight to its highest vibration and suction level, and shakes himself into another release.

If he had any ability to think critically he would be concerned for the amount of fluid leaking into his mattress, considering he’d completely forgotten to lay down the waterproof blankets he was so intent would save him a massive cleaning bill, especially since the cock in his ass causes another surge of slick to shoot from his hole. Nearing delirium, Renjun decides the dual stimulation still isn’t enough. He wants even more, he needs even more.

The smell of his slick and cum is intoxicating, leaving his brain just as fried as the underpaid alpha that nearly sprung a leak at his door earlier. He grabs the smaller dildo that he used to work his ass open at the start of his playtime, and gave it a slow lick from the balls to the tip. Tasting himself on the toy made his next orgasm even harder, sucking the head of the dildo like it was an actual alpha. Throating the cock to it’s hilt like Jae himself was fucking his throat. Renjun was officially in heat, too spent to think, and too horny to care. 

With the last bit of his reflexes he has left, he manages to switch the fuck machine to it’s highest setting, and prepares himself for the ride of his life. “Ohhhhh Shit! Oh Shit! Fuckkkkkk,” he stutters, forming the last coherent phrases he’ll be saying for a while. His head is absolutely pounding, reality is bending, and all he knows is fact are the loud moans he and Jen are churning out along with the surge of energy rushing through his ass and cock. “Ahh oh my god, oh my god,” he screams, ushering himself into otherworldly realms of pleasure.

His cock is being milked to extremes he didn’t know were possible, the pumping motions of the fleshlight sending streams of cum all over his balls and thighs from where the toy could no longer hold his load. He groans as the cock in his ass pounds into his prostate, sending him further into the orgasmic spiral he has no intention of leaving. He’s coming down from his tenth orgasm when he finally decided to give his dick a break, pulling the toy milking him for the last two hours off his cock and throwing it to the side, in the interest of laying face down ass up, fully submitting to the plastic cock he’s worshiping with every fiber of his being.

He can barely make any sounds other than small gurgles when he starts craving his own musk again, grabbing the fleshlight and sticking his tongue as deep as he can into the sopping wet hole, basking in the scent of his pleasure. He slurps up his essence as he feels his ass getting tighter, the dildo seemingly rutting rougher and rougher to break through his grip. He slides himself back even further on the toy, taking all eleven inches impossibly deep, crying out at the feeling of his stomach bulging from the cock mixing up his guts. Renjun is lost in the vortex of his heat, unable to do anything but scream in pleasure in between licking his fleshlight like it’s a real asshole, when he feels it.

His eyes go wide, his ass locks up around the plastic knot completely, the overwhelming pleasure forcing his body to mate with the cock rearranging him. The toy stops moving in and out, too suffocated by Renjuns slick walls to complete a full cycle of motion, instead sending deep thuds of pressure directly on his prostate. His eyes start rolling back as his body starts convulsing, unable to control his movements. His loud moans turn to deafening screams when a long stream of clear liquid shoots from his cock. He cries out in pleasure as he lets out endless gushes of liquid, soaking through whatever parts of his mattress weren’t already sticky with slick. His voice starts to taper off into quieter whines, soon after, Renjun’s vision goes black. 

Renjun wakes up thirty minutes later, slightly less attached to the toy. Its batteries must’ve died sometime between him squirting and passing out, but Renjun has little recollection of anything that occurred once his first heat spike hit. He hears the faint sound of his pornstars giving each other aftercare from what must’ve been a similarly intense scene in the background, figuring he should follow in Jen’s footsteps and have a bottle of water.

He rolls over in his nest, taking in the absolutely ruined state of his bed, along with the extremely satisfied feeling in his body. “Woah,” he thinks, “I gotta get Hyuck a Waffle House gift card or something.”

[fuck-customers]

So, i live close to where i work. Like, right across the street. My boss has abused this every fuckin time. I JUST got the man to finally give me my two days off a week, he grants it, with a catch. I can have two days a week off, but not back to back. Within 3 or 4 days apart. Sometimes, i get lucky and it's 2 days apart, but never together.

So, I've become very .. defensive over the last month or so about them. Those are the only days that i can handle all of my Life shit, i am the sole provider in a household of 2, the other is disabled and can't work. So i have to handle most, if not all, of the household stuff. Including grabbing meds, shopping, and now looking for a new place to live

I've repeatedly told him how busy i am (which is why i needed more than one day off and finally GOT to two days off) but now he's getting in a FUCKIN BABY FIT BECAUSE I TOLD HIM NO, I CAN'T BE AVAILABLE TO JUST COME IN WHENEVER YOUD LIKE. The last time i told him No, i JUST came out of the hospital and he'd tried to get me to work after i got out. 'Oh, i take care of everyone here very well, why cant you come in? ive worked plenty of times whenever im sick' WELL THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE, FUCK OFF. I dont even have a LIFE outside of the FUCKIN STORE, I WORK ON MY DAYS OFF, I WORK FOR THIS SHITTY APARTMENT. I HANDLE APPOINTMENTS, BILLS, STORAGE, RENT. I AM THIS 🤏 FUCKIN CLOSE TO ENDING IT ALL. I CANT KEEP TAKING THIS FUCKIN DISRESPECT FOR MYSELF AND MY TIME. THEN HE HAS THE NERVE TO ACT LIKE I JUST HAVE MY FINGERS UP MY ASS ALL DAY AND NOT DOING MULTIPLE THINGS AT ONCE. IT'S MY DAY OFF, I CAN DO WHATEVER TF I WANT WITH MY DAY OFF. IF YOU CANT RUN A STORE WITHOUT ONE DAMN PERSON, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T BE HERE AT ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR INCOMPETANCE. IM LOOSING MY FUCKIN MINDZ I HATE THIS PLACE

Posted by admin Rodney.

[readingsquotes]

"The problem is — and I will keep banging this drum as long as I have to — Biden’s incoherence on Israel and Palestine is both morally unforgivable and bad political strategy. He is bleeding support not only from young people, Arab-Americans, and others incensed with his continued support for a genocidal war machine, but also from pro-Israel moderates and Never Trump conservatives who are enraged at his furtive and contradictory efforts to ever-so-slightly rein that war machine in. I’ll give more details about that incoherence below. For now, I’ll just say that by trying to make everyone a little happy, he is making no one happy, as the pile of Palestinian corpses grows at his feet.

But that’s the narrow part of the question in the context of American politics. The bigger issue for me is why Biden’s management of the human catastrophe in Gaza is so salient. My answer is that it points to the larger and even more consequential failures of liberal politics over the last four to eight years.

....the heart of Biden’s failure to both recognize and confront the actual danger facing democracy. In a recent In These Times essay titled “Antifacism after Gaza,” the Italian philosopher Alberto Toscano subtly tweaked leftist Democratic politicians for whom “the threat of Trumpian despotism blunted opposition” to Biden’s Israel policy: “There is a bitter irony in granting primacy to the national fight against fascism over the campaign to stop a U.S.-funded genocide when the current Israeli government — in its exterminationist rhetoric, patronage of racist militias, colonizing drive and ultranationalism — fits textbook definitions of fascism far more neatly than any other contemporary regime.”

The campus protests would have been another opportunity for Biden to show his commitment to democratic and pro-social ideals. I’m not saying he had to support the protesters or their aims — they are, after all, in large part protesting him. But no one made Biden take the further step of employing reactionary talking points about the protests being fonts of antisemitism and supposedly genocidal rhetoric, or repeating memeified claims about “Jewish students” being “blocked, harrassed, attacked, while walking to class” — questionable claims that have been weaponized to justify state and vigilante violence against demonstrators exercising their First Amendment rights.2 Biden repeated those claims on May 7, Israeli Holocaust Remembrance Day. Yet he said nothing about the weeks of wanton anti-demonstrator violence by both police and unhinged pro-Israel counterprotesters. In fact, instead of condemning the episodic police state, he is pushing a new plan to funnel $37 billion more to police departments and hire 100,000 more cops.

The political problem here should be obvious. How do you explain to a student who just watched, say, the NYPD throw their friends down a flight of stairs for participating in a nonviolent protest — acts committed without so a peep of condemnation from the president — that a vote for him is a vote against fascism?

Nor is Gaza the only place Biden and the Democrats keep undermining their claim to being the antifascist party. The president has repeatedly pleaded with Trump to work with him in passing a MAGA-like immigration bill: one that prioritized enforcement, detention, and “shutdown” measures over, for instance, pathways to citizenship for undocumented migrants or those who came as children. When Trump didn’t take Biden’s obvious political bait, the president tried running even further to his right. Biden can insist, as he did at the State of the Union, that he “will not demonize immigrants” or endorse Trump’s Hitlerian cant about “poisoning the blood of our country.” But by adopting reactionary fearmongering about the need to “secure the border” above all else, all that remains of a message to voters is that even squishy libs think the fascists have a point about immigration — it’s just that they aren’t willing to do more to stop it.

The connection between state violence at home and genocide abroad isn’t lost on the students. Popular chants connect the dispossession and killing in Palestine to U.S. policy in the Philippines, Vietnam, and Latin America, as well as immigration policy here: “From Palestine to Mexico / border walls have got to go.” As Toscano notes, protesters at the University of Texas chanted at the Austin police: “APD! KKK! / IDF! They’re all the same!” — connecting domestic policing and racism to the Israeli military. And indeed, that connection isn’t purely theoretical: thousands of U.S. police officers have received direct training from the Israeli military on crowd control, use of force, and surveillance in recent decades, including the NYPD, and yes, the Austin police as well.

[mobycotton]

elaborating on this

1. arriving in the ‘new world’

- Arthur would be exhausted, both physically and mentally, and fighting not to get overwhelmed by the strange things all around him. He would isolate himself in a ‘safe place’ where, even though things are just as weird, it’s on a smaller scale and at least he can focus in on one thing that’s still familiar to him. He would take things in little by little, learn to accept that there are some things (and many of them) that he cant comprehend now, and maybe he never will, but freaking out won’t help his situation.

2. communication

- as a bilingual person, who entered the UK before I could speak a word of english, I relied on my one parent who was fluent in order to be understood, and with my large family, we fought for the attention to be translate, and translated to. Arthur would be relying on Merlin to do the same for him, but navigating the modern world takes energy and attention already, and so Merlin clarifies that he can’t explain everything as it appears, and Arthur will just have to pick what’s most pressing.

- Merlin was present as the language around him changed in real time. He understands it, is fluent in it, the new language feels more natural to think and speak in then the old one. This is a difficulty he needs to process as much as Arthur. It takes a few seconds to compose a response in his head to every one of Arthur’s questions, and then even longer to translate it in his head. Arthur still picks out inconsistencies in his speech and accent, he feels like the one thing he recognises is still changed, almost beyond recognition.

3. discomfort

- Arthur realises he is a burden. More so than he used to be. At least before, they understood each other. He could stand up for himself, didn’t need to be escorted around like a lost puppy. That’s how he feels. Even worse, Merlin’s responsibilities are doubled now, and paired with Merlin’s new life, the balance is almost impossible. On top of his job, his life outside of work and his home, he must make sacrifices in order to care for Arthur. Arthur feels guilty, wishes that he could be as competent as he once was, but what is there to do except learn?

- food. When I first moved, I was a child, barely comfortable with the small range of foods I grew up with, which were served at just about any house I visited. When I moved, a whole new range of foods was laid out before me, and I was overwhelmed. I didn’t like most of the things that young children go crazy for, but I was lucky not to have any allergies, and in a few years my diet changed to incorporate both foods from home and from my new home. Arthur won’t be as lucky. His medieval metabolism can only handle a few things, and even medicine might be dangerous. merlin sticks to a few safe foods from before - bread, cooked meat, vegetables, and milk. he makes these every day until Arthur is strong enough to experiment with new food, little by little, and build up any immunities he can, and identify any intolerances.

- sleep. Moving abruptly from a very rural place, where the whole street is dark and silent after sunset, all of a sudden to a place where cars are still running at midnight and streetlights cast light even through thick dark curtains, was a shock. I couldn’t sleep well for weeks, and it took a lot of time to adjust. So, going from one night sleeping in the silent castle in Camelot, all of a sudden to a busy city, would be almost impossible. It’s not only the light, and the noise, but overwhelmingly the feeling of everything moving, shaking with a constant vibration at all hours. It feels like an earthquake, deep below the earth, and every time a door closes it’s like the walls are shaking. Every footstep is like the floor is falling out from under him.

4. grief.

- I knew, when I moved countries, that there was no going back. even holidays wouldn’t be the same. I was supposed to become a different person, there was no stopping it. Missing out on my old friends growing up hurt, even when I was still young. It felt like grief in a way, knowing that I was robbed of so many experiences with the people I loved. But I had to learn to accept it, and let the new country foster my grief and my sense of loss. Arthur would be dealing with the same thing - feeling robbed of a happier life with the people he loved, and then losing them all at once. While they were still comfortably dead, though, he was thrust into a completely foreign life, almost alone. At least they died together. He had the worst fate of them all.

5. learning

- ending on a happier note. I moved when I was 8. I couldn’t read that well, even in my own language, after merely a year in school. My parents made me spend a summer reading, translating, and transcribing children’s books, the kind that english kids used to learn to read and speak at much younger stages. I felt silly doing them, writing out infantile rhymes for hours every day, but I came out of it able to read harder books, and in the end my reading age was higher than almost every other child in my class. The easiest thing to do was translating fairy tales and stories I recognised from my old language, it helped me identify words and phrases in both languages. Arthur figures out that this is a great help as well. Merlin finds him translations of original arthurian tales and legends, and keeps them side by side with the modern english versions. He switches between them for hours a day until he can at least read well in modern english. He feels silly celebrating such accomplishments, wielding simple, childish writing exercises, but progress has to be made.

[schwarzeneggr]

Ive been making friends... so i got : a few old friends. one friend from an old psych clinic. and a whole group of funny people from current clinic im living my best life with them but also... ive never had so many people in my life 🧍 like how am i supposed to manage everyone... How do I keep up im fr i went from friendless to suddenly like 7 friends i genuinely like im overwhelmed... also i really like being alone and listening to music and drawing 15 hours a day and i gotta catch up on the office to talk abt yaoi with my other friend and its like impossible here ? is this normal peoples daily life im fr learning this at 26 is making me dizzy. i have no idea how to manage all of this. On top of uhm. y'kno. being in a psych clinic for a reason.. and I really want to work on my charity zine so bad. Genuinely wtfff do I do i used to fill my time with activities so suddenly realizing i am. included ? in friendships with people i like genuinely so I have to maintain the friendship and not go full ignore mode for weeks.. which i cant do anyway since me and my psych clinic friends see each other lunch and dinner. Its been 2 weeks of friendshipping and i genuinely want to take an entire week of absence to recover.. I used to need a full 3 days to recover from one small social gathering. This is insane. fuck i didnt even include my dnd groupe i feel like i need to start writing a list. How does a person whose the type of people to have like 3 to 4 friends they really like sitcom style manage more friendships than they can handle.. this is hurting my head

[jacksgreysays]

Hey, guess who's got a pair of songs for you? I heard "Cant Stand the Rain" by The Rescues ages ago, and just recently heard "Rain" by grandson & Jessie Reyez. The moment song 2 hit my ears I was like, "These have to be smashed together, somehow." And since I once sent you that prompt for "Thunder and Lightning" and "Thunder", I thought of you. <3

!!!!! <3<3<3<3 Hello, loveelemental!

Okay, after checking out these songs and their lyrics, I just want to say that none of the following is a value judgement—I do like both of these songs that you’ve brought to me—but the POV/personalities of these songs are VERY… hm…

You’ve brought to me two songs that are in a dialogue with each other and, on the surface, could appear to be in opposition with each other. BUT, I do think they’re both rather… cynical in a sense, so they’re not truly opposite ends of a spectrum.

Because, okay, Can’t Stand the Rain is very cynical, post-relationship, everything is bad and I hate it and why should I do anything to change it? “My blackened heart,” “I’d empty [the pots and pans filling with rainwater] out but why?” even the repeating “Love, no such thing as love,” FEELS very “I just got broken up with and I’m going to wallow in my own sadness” not even necessarily “I miss/still love the person I broke up with” but a very selfish, cynical “the world sucks so now I’m going to be miserable.”

Which is certainly one way to handle a break up.

Another way is in Rain, the difference most embodied by “I don’t mind the rain sometimes.” Emphasis on the SOMETIMES. And while the person in this song is slightly less cynical—in that crying/rain is what makes roses bloom and that “it’s better to have loved and lost…” although it doesn’t include the rest of the saying which IS IMPORTANT “than to never have loved at all.”

This person ALSO is wallowing in their own sadness post-relationship but almost… reveling in it? Very emo. A+ They’re literally “making peace with the rain” and “dancing with the pain,” and turning the break up/end of the relationship into a learning opportunity of sorts? It’s not AS cynical but it IS as selfish… or maybe self-centered…

I think what I’m trying to articulate is that both of these songs represent people who are HURT by a break up/end of a relationship, but not necessarily HEARTBROKEN if that clarifies anything at all… Because there’s no YEARNING either for their former partners or even for the relationship itself. It’s just… here is the new normal, how do I react to it.

Now to step away from song analysis, into potential fic writing.

Immediately I can think of two ways to go with this:

The two POVs of the songs are the two people in the relationship that ended and this is how each of them deal with it. Or,

This is the same person after some time has passed.

I’ll be honest, both of them are kind of funny.

Because with (1) it just really shows how, probably, it was the best for the relationship to end considering how selfish the lyrics are on both sides. Rain is slightly more romantic in the sense that it’s “because of this break up I can grow as a person” but it’s still pretty selfish, lol. Like… both of them are stewing in their own misery and meanwhile their respective friend groups (if they have them) are just like, “Oh thank god, they’ve broken up.”

With (2) the less time passing, the funnier it gets. Going from Can’t Stand the Rain into Rain after a week is funny, but after a day? That’s hilarious… I guess you can go in the other direction and it would also be funny—Rain into Can’t Stand the Rain, that is—but regardless the shorter the time jump the better.

I suppose there is option 3) in which these are two people who were in two different relationships and then the fic could be about them learning to be less selfish in love with each other? Or maybe being in love with someone who is as selfish as you and being okay with it? I don’t know.

… I’m trying to think if there’s a pairing for (1) or a character for (2) that would work but I don’t really do comedy, much less this anti-romantic comedy, so the I don’t know if my go to characters really match the genre. Although there is something to be said about how my reluctance to cast anyone into these roles speaks more about me wanting my characters to not be this kind of selfish/self-centered which isn’t accurate to real life. I should probably have more selfish/self-centered character to play around with. Or, rather, I should realize that some of the characters I write DO have the capacity to be this way, I have just been softening/glorifying them without exploring their full personalities.

Then again, I also don’t really write relationships as the main focus? Like, even my shipping fic is more of a method to explore various AUs or themes that aren’t necessarily romance based. Even Dreaming of S(omething,) my ShikakoxGaara series, and which I consider to have some of my most romantic writing in it, is more about how home can change from one place to another, or to a person. How a different environment can reveal as much about yourself as it does the new place you’re in. Even Dreaming of S(elfishness) doesn’t even have them being that selfish and has less to do with jealousy over an engagement and more about, like, establishing clearly what you want rather than just letting something passively come to you and passively watch it go.

Although… while I don’t write much in the (anti-) romantic genre that often, I do LOVE reading about, hm, estranged exes reuniting and having to hash out the mistakes from their past and bittersweetly getting closure before maybe giving the relationship another chance or starting a new relationship knowing the follies of their younger selves. But these songs feel freshly out of the relationship, whereas my preference for estranged exes reuniting usually has the benefit of years (if not decades, I do love when it’s like… ex high school sweethearts meeting up as full grown adults) in between the break up and the reunion.

If these songs are the initial response to the break up and part of the aforementioned youthful follies, then… okay. So I’m still kind of in Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint headspace, and while I MOST love Yoo Joonghyuk x Kim Dokja estranged high school exes reuniting, the dichotomy of these two songs FEELS more like what Han Sooyoung and Yoo Sangah would throw at each other in a fight.

Like, Can’t Stand the Rain feels like Han Sooyoung’s response to the break up—an almost destructive, heedless misery—whereas Rain would represent Yoo Sangah’s external perfection versus her internal flaws. Like the argument would contain:

YSA: At least I didn’t go around making my misery everyone else’s problem. HSY: Oh, as if you’re any better Miss Every Experience Is A Learning Opportunity, bullshit!

Like, I don’t know the whole argument, but that’s the vibe I’m feeling…

Surely there’s another couple that embodies this dynamic in my usual fandoms, but I am STRUGGLING to think of them for now…

And then, unfortunately, as I was writing this, I realized (2) was pretty much just 500 Days of Summer so… ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Probably not what you were looking for, loveelemental, but I appreciate you reaching out :D

[tarotsol]

Hii, just saw your last reading about nct dream career. Since mark and heachan is the busiest member, what your card tell us about their mental health? Can you also read about how they handle their mental health please? I just cant belive that this year mark and haechan should balancing their times for nct dream world tours and nct 127 comeback 😩🥲

Hello!

I shall indeed!

Here we go:

Mark Lee’s Current Mental Health:

page of wands

right off the bat as of this week/ recently, like you said, he needs to take care of his mental health. he needs to address his issues and stop bottling them up.

10 of Wands

just like i said, it seems like his health really is taking a dive because he’s taking on too much work. he needs to slow down for sure. this card represents workload and you bet he’s been overworked again recently :( he hasn’t been taking care of himself. he needs to.

Lee Haechan’s Current Mental Health:

2 of wands

like mark, he needs to address his mental health. he needs to sit down with himself and decide, does his body deserve this neglect or not? he needs to consider his future wellbeing. he could also be going for surgery soon and needs to decide what choice is best for him. also, he might be prone to slipping back into old patterns rather than progress from the negative.

the world

whatever physical issue is at risk won’t be difficult to overcome, he just needs the right frame of mind and he’ll be fine! better than mark anyways by the looks of it! he’ll be okay!

Thank you For Your Question!

Have a good day!

[bicon-crange]

can the nosey ones know abt ur crush? :3c dw if not. my condolences (positive)

yeah sure why not i cant stop fucking talking about it anyways.

iiii dont know if its necessarily a crush though!! definitely an obsession. definitely some kind of. fixation. thanks for your condolences i definitely fucking need them. TT-TT )

its like. uh. this person i know whos sooo articulate and smart and. theyre really sweet. yknow BASIC SHIT. theyre great everyone likes them.

anyways when we first started talking it was like. some kinda. there was clashing. i guess is how you could put it? but every time we finished talking i felt soo like. electrified. like buzzing. like my whole body was just shaking. adrenaline? maybe?

i really thought at first that it was just a friendly interest. some sort of.. y'know intellectual thing! you meet someone whos so much smarter than you and whos ideas are so well put together and who thinks YOU'RE interesting and of course you want to know more of how their brain works of course youre. captivated a bit yknow? thats like. normal. to feel. i think.

oh the first couple times we talked i went so nuts! i reread over our convos like a thousand times and reiterated our talks several times to EVERYONE in my house. its so actually embarrassing. but they were good convos you HAAAVE to understand. it was like. ducking weaving. it was like. some sort of mental exercise . and i thought it was like. normal. but it just kept. HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING. AND HAPPENING.

and i tell you what this was a lot easier a month or so ago when i was like I JUST REALLY LIKE TALKING TO THIS PERSON!! ^_^ (<- STILL A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY) cause ugh. lately its like. ever since the thought popped in my head that this interest MIIIGHT be romantic in nature its. ALLLL DAY thinking about them its so nuts! its so constant!! its literally like a fucking DISEASE... i feel like. angry over it? spiteful? almost? it reminds me of when i had a crush on a guy in elementary school and I didnt know how to handle it so i beat the hell out of him with a lunch box.

like im over here forgetting shit left and right and messing up basic conversation skills and having heart palpitations and theyre like. fine probably. iiii honestly dont think they even think about me lol. i mean definitely not as much as i am,easy, because im totally insane and obsessive i know this.

we also dont talk so much! its not very often! so yeah im sure they dont think about me as much. im even definitely sure if i ever verbalized this it wouldnt work out. ive visualized them turning me down like 20 different ways for 20 different reasons just today. lots of reasons yknow! im mentally unwell and totally nuts, im immature and also very ugly im unable to carry out a meaningful relationship because of my chronic pain problems and various health issues, all of that is fine but my obsessive nature is really freaky,LD relationships are a no-go, they just dont like me that way, ect ect ect.

its sooo stupid. its SO middle school. they type a response to me and i can barely look at the screen. i feel SO fucking stupid its insane. im like. going to claw my eyes out of my head and chew on them till they burst. i hate it here. and its never going to be reciprocated whatsoever so im literally not even going to try.

BESIDES Y'KNOW!! I DONT EVEN KNOW FOR SURE IF THATS WHAT IM FEELING!! its been wracking my brain for a week straight!! its like. am i just fascinated on an intellectual level, am i just interested in an anthropological sense, are these just really good conversations, if this just normal friendship and im making things super weird? am i just excited that someone seems to get what im saying about what im interested in? yknow. dumb.

either way TLDR; im waiting for it to pass. either I'll sort my own feelings out or itll pass! if its infatuation, GOOD, that has a expiration date of 1-2 years so i will just box it up and not think about it and not do anything about it. ^_^ )9 and it WILL die. BUT if you know how to force that process to go along faster let me KNOW.

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

i like how i messaged both of my managers at almost 1am yesterday while i was walking home to tell them i had severe personal issues to handle and a car thats not drivable currently but will be, hence needing the day to fix it.

manager 1 checked to see if i was actually okay, what all i needed, etc. told me she would get stuff sorted at work and for me to just focus on myself this weekend and get my shit handled bc that was more important anyway. shes aware i have bpd and helped me a week or two ago when i had a depressive breakdown at work.

manager 2??? mf CALLS ME pissed off bc he has to come back a whole day early from his week and a half off he didn't tell us about and hes pissed off hes alone there today handling everything, AS IF FIRST OF ALL, I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE ALONE ALL DAY TODAY SO LIKE BOOHOO MOTHERFUCKER???? WHEN YALL DO ME LIKE THAT IT'S FINE BUT HOW DARE I, RIGHT???? and then also basically interrogated me on why i cant come in, why my car cant be driven, why did i need the whole day, etc. didnt ask how i was, didnt ask if i needed anything. and i wasnt lying, and havent. i told him where it happened, what time, where i was coming from, etc. buddy i am just as pissed off as you my car is currently fucked. but like damn dude knows i have bpd also, and understands it bc his wife has it too, like once again a case of other ppp can be mentally ill and have crippling episodes, but when i do it, it's a problem.

and it isnt like ive also been saying im burnt out as all fuck too so are we surprised i had a severe episode over this??? it isnt that wild. i truly dont understand why im at such a high level of scrutiny from him, i basically try to stay out of his way.

[kygerbearr]

getting into high-end ff14 content made me realize 2 things.

1). many people who have particular responsibilities have NO business with them

2). apparently i'm a fucking genius when it comes to shit because i can watch a short guide and understand what to do while everyone else apparently needs several days worth of catch up to do one of the most basic be-here-then-go-here shit on the planet. i have never been more frustrated with humanity. i am so tired. everyone i meet is either someone who takes thing too seriously and has zero skills to back it up or there's people with a wife and kids and a 9 to 5 job and a mortgage who come home from work and are somehow fine with doing MORE work dealing with people who dont know their fucking job and everyone is managed by someone who's an absolute pushover and still expects to be the "leader"

like i don't consider myself very smart. everything in this game appears to be very easy, i don't struggle with any of it, i don't understand how all of these seemingly normal people can struggle so hard with mechanics that have been reused over and over with a new coat of paint, and I feel guilty even suggesting its easy because of how hard everyone makes it out to be

do not believe anyone when they say ff14 is hard. it isn't. it's one of the easiest games i've ever played, i have never felt personally challenged by something in it and the only difficulty i'm having is being around dipshits who somehow don't understand how something works. i feel like i'm in a classroom full of people who showed up to the exam without studying anything and it's like they expect a clear just for showing up. buddy, this fight has so much personal responsibility that if you don't figure your shit out, the WHOLE CLASS fails, and you can't move on until you pass.

and i KNOW its easy because I made my OWN group out of frustration and we cleared THE FIRST DAY WE STARTED RAIDING. the VERY FIRST DAY. I have been with this other group for MONTHS.

this group cannot handle clockwise and counterclockwise somehow. there are markers on the floor arranged in a clock. it got to the point where I had to suggest that people look for a particular number and rotate towards it, and somehow, everyone STILL messed it up.

not only that, but in this group, any time I try to express something that goes against their ideology either the leader gets on my case or one of the members gets on my ass. just the other day I had this fucking asshole who was running shield healer who WASNT APPLYING SHIELDS?? during PROG??? and when I said "hey can we get shields" he was like "no we're good" we were dying. bodies on the floor right in front of him.

so I asked why. his argument? we cant have shields. it would mess up his gcds. I have CLEARED THIS FIGHT ALREADY, AND WITH SHIELD HEALER. so I know we can have shield for Every raidwide. and when I tried to explain how, he got angry and was like "no the fuck we cant and i will NOT have someone micromanaging my gcds" buddy my friend is dead on the floor right there and it's your fault

we proceeded to not hear from him the following week. essentially no-call-no-show but for a videogame and not a real job. whatever, not my problem. just meant I could be shield healer. and that day went super well! we had prog. i was healing. we didn't die outside of people failing their personal responsibilities.

i mean it when I say I genuinely don't enjoy the game anymore. I'm so exhausted from dealing with people who don't give a shit and aren't trying hard enough, are too stubborn to do anything different and hate it whenever I do anything whatsoever that goes against their agenda. it's not a team at all, it's a fake ass leader who can't lead with followers who are so fucking mindless braindead that they think they can mindlessly follow this failure of a leader into a clear for a fight they've been stuck on for THREE MONTHS STRAIGHT.

it takes up so much time out of my week (3 hours on both monday and tuesday so back to back, very exhausting, reminder i dont like these people because they treat me like shit and simultaneously I'm the only person who cares about what we're doing) and there were times where I legitimately would've preferred working (which i cant do while playing this game) and man I hope they get rid of me because my martyr complex keeps me from leaving them until we clear the fight

don't play final fantasy 14 it's not fun it's not worth it and if you do then dont talk to anyone. i legit only have fun when its with my friends and I have yet to meet a person on 14 I could make any sort of meaningful connection with. they're all so normal feeling, they're always like 5 years older than me and it freaks me out, I don't fit in, I don't belong there, and I don't want to stick around in a place I don't feel I belong in. the ONLY good thing about the game is that I can play as a big kitty cat

[krustworld]

Do you have a workout routine?

No i don’t workout too much anymore I used to tho! For anybody wanting to gain muscle mass my advice is to focus on mind-muscle connection once you have that u are golden just workout whatever muscle group u want to grow until u physically cant do another rep (start out with as heavy as weight as u can handle without corrupting form) and allow one-two days of rest between workouts of that muscle group ❤️ and eat LOTS of protein!!! these days I just do yoga and stretch a lot I did gymnastics my whole childhood so I try to maintain that by staying flexible enough to do my old tricks. So fun to do cartwheels and handstands and back handsprings etc etc is the only reason I stretch! And I don’t have a car so I walk A LOT I think that helps keep my waist small or something. At a certain point of me having this tumblr I was running 2-3 miles a day and doing heavy weight lifting lol I change so rapidly! It rlly wasn’t worth the time investment for me working out multiple hours a day didn’t make me happy and I love my body no matter what! I like being skinny but it is natural for me it runs in my family I was only working out to make my ass bigger and back straighter but I realized I am already perfect naturally ! For real I got a huge ass pretty easily but I like myself better natural plus I hate how ass-obsessed our society is liek come on that is where poop comes out!!! 🙄🙄🙄 get over it!! I will never succumb 👎 but idk what it is like to be a man i don’t blame u guys!Anyways I wanna get into running again for health reasons

Anyways my old workout routine for huge ass: (for my girls who don’t believe it won’t make u happier plz feel free to find out for yourself I don’t gatekeep !)

All with 60 pound weight

Bulgarian split squats (5x15)

Single leg RDLS (5x15)

Reverse lunges (3x10)

Single leg hip thrusts (5x15)

All are per side of glute btw!

^ I would do this 3-4x a week but also do final reps of each exercise until I couldn’t do them anymore ! Oh yes and of course work your way up to 60 pounds start with body weight if u are beginner there is no other way to get the form right! Plus 2-3 miles or running daily but at first just as much as u can as often as u can!

[mojaves]

know, meet strange, and loss for sebastian 👀

it feels like you reached into his brain and picked out the perfect questions for him. i am going insane already thank you

Know: How well does your OC know themself—their wants, their goals, their motivations? Do they engage in any sort of self-reflection? Is there anything about themself they willfully ignore?

as much as he likes to think he knows himself, he really doesnt - outright refuses to acknowledge that he's mentally and physically exhausted most of the time, ignores his body when it's in pain, and on the off chance he decides to pay attention to it, he won't do anything about it. and it's entirely because of 1] how he was brought up, with his father convincing him from a VERY young age that expressing discomfort, or really any emotion, and getting injured was a sign of Failure and a Weakness. so he basically grew up terrified of trying to get to know himself in any capacity. and 2] arasaka taking advantage of all of that, because they knew he would completely ignore any injuries he may get in a fight and just keep going until his whole body falls apart, which is. absolutely terrifying for anyone having to witness that. to say the least. to sum all of That up, he's pretty much been on autopilot for most of his life, not once stopping along the way to make sure he's alright. but when he gets divorced, and later nearly killed + leaves arasaka, things finally start changing for him. VERY small steps of course. but it finally happens. eventually. one day.

Meet Strange: What's the most memorable way your OC has ever met a new person? Was it a good experience? Bad experience? Just plain weird? How's their relationship with that person now?

basically every single time he encountered the assassin arasaka hired to kill him. which happened a lot more often than you'd expect. from an assassin. whose sole purpose. is to kill seb. and while it wasn't a good experience by any stretch. it wasn't Bad?? either?? because. for starters, gets him out of the base he works at so he's not just doing paperwork 24/7, more exercise, every day he wakes up alive is a fun surprise, and whatever happens after that is a bonus. plus he gets to occasionally encounter a pretty guy who wants to kill him. the bad [multiple very bad injuries for both parties, sleepless nights worrying he's going to die, emotional, mental, physical exhaustion. to name a few] far outweighs the good. but. the prettyboy part of it makes it juuuust a little more bearable. so. to answer the first bit. good. bad. AND weird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you'll never guess what happens next [you cant] [many years later they end up getting married] [if you can believe it]

Loss: Is there anyone important to your OC who has passed away? How did they handle the loss?

oueriughrasfkujghagdghdsgdsghg this one is killing me dead on the ground. kieran, one of the gang's netrunners, died while on the job and seb did NOT handle it well. even a little bit. big breakdown followed by barely talking/moving for an entire week. bc kieran was like a son to him, like a younger brother, who reminded him SO much of his own brother, which explains why seb was always so protective of him. he's not home anymore to keep his own brother safe. and then he couldn't keep this kid safe either, in the end. am i going to chew live wires now?? you bet i am!!!!!