#well i did get experience i GUESS but i have never regretted anything more than i regret taking this job

[weirdlizard26]

ngl guys. my chances of graduating feel thinner and thinner by the minute

[daysofyellowroses]

steak

carmen berzatto x reader | 3.8k | tw: pregnancy, implied smut, general nonsense

“I need a favor.”

“A favor?”

“Yes. A favor.”

You were already beginning to regret asking, watching Carmy swivel in his chair and ponder the request. Or he was staring into space, it wasn't clear.

“Alright,” He nodded after a moment. “What is it?”

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself. It would have been easier to ask him to murder someone than what you were about to.

“It turns out that I am responsible for making 30 cupcakes for this Saturday and I could use some guidance.”

“I see,” Carmy nodded, pointing the spoon in his hand at you. “and what else? Sandwiches, burgers, hot dogs, stop me when I get the right one.”

You let out a sigh.

“And..three trays of sandwiches. And mini quiches, egg rolls, a crudités platter and a cake.”

“Okay,” Carmy sat up a little, lightly tapping the spoon against his cheek. “Just..a couple of questions.”

You walked closer to the desk, leaning against it and giving Carmy a nod. “Fire away.”

“First, why are you responsible for all of that?”

“Because apparently I promised my best friend if she ever got pregnant I would plan the entire baby shower.”

“Uh-huh. Why?”

“Because I was very, very intoxicated at her bachelorette party.”

He smirked a little, and you rolled your eyes with a small smile.

“Noted. Second question,”

“Third,” You interjected, holding up three fingers. “Technically.”

“Third question, is there a theme to this party?”

“No, of course not,” You frowned, folding your arms. “Themes are for kid's birthday parties and epic novels.”

“Hm, I thought so.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“It just doesn't seem very..you know,” Carmy set the spoon down in his lap before interlocking his hands. “cohesive, I guess.”

You rested your hand on the desk, lightly tapping your nails on the surface.

“I'm willing to ignore that remark if you help me.”

“Alright, fourth question..why do I have to help you?”

You thought about it for a moment, working out your best angle to get him on board.

“Well..because I love my best friend and I want to give her an amazing experience, it's basically free publicity for the new restaurant, and we're..you know,” You gestured between yourself and Carmy with a grin. “We're friends. We're close. We kissed that time.”

“Yeah, yeah we did,” Carmy nodded, looking down for a moment before looking up with a smile. “When we were like..six? I don't see what that has to do with me adding to my already hectic schedule.”

“I would just really appreciate your help, even just a little guidance,” You smiled, holding your hands up. “What is the point of having a world-class chef as a friend if he doesn't help you out occasionally..”

“I promise to think about it,” Carmy nodded, picking his spoon back up and pointing at you. “Can you cook anything more advanced than french toast?”

“Depends on your definition of advanced,” You shrugged, pushing off the desk. “I look forward to your decision, I know you'll make the right one.”

“Get out of here,” Carmy rolled his eyes with a small smile. “I'll text you.”

You were heading to the front door when you bumped into Richie, who was carrying a box he promptly dropped on the nearest plastic-covered surface when he saw you, wiping his hands.

“Hey. What brings you here?”

“Me?” You gestured to yourself as you walked closer to Richie. “I just..I thought it was time. To declare my undying love for you.”

“Hm,” Richie nodded, rubbing his jaw before stepping closer to you and touching your shoulder. “I gotta be honest, I thought you'd never do it. Vegas wedding?”

“Vegas wedding,” You nodded with a grin. “Bye fuck-face.”

“See you later darling.”

It was the following afternoon when you got a very simple text from Carmy, relief flooding you as you read it.

‘Fine. Address?’

Opening your front door and seeing Carmen Berzatto standing on the other side was something you hadn't experienced for a long time, but it was a welcome return.

“Come on in, everything is set up in the kitchen,” You smiled, holding the door open and frowning slightly as you saw a worn grocery store bag in Carmy's hand. “Did you bring stuff when I told you that you didn't need to?”

“Sure did,” Carmy nodded, gesturing to his shoes. “Off? On?”

“Whatever you're comfortable with,” You waved your hand, gesturing to the bag. “I got everything, you really didn't need to waste your money on..liquid potassium or whatever, the food is not going to be anything too complicated.”

Carmy raised a brow as he slipped off his shoes. “You do know I'm a chef, not a mad scientist, right?”

“Oh shut up,” You sighed as he laughed, leading him into the kitchen.

“The fuck is liquid potassium anyway?”

“Here we are,” You spun around to face Carmy, gesturing to your humble kitchen, the dining table covered in various ingredients, in no particular order. “I really appreciate your help, I know you're busy.”

“It's fine,” Carm nodded, walking over to the table and setting the bag on the floor before picking up things on the table and inspecting them. “I'm not uh..I'm not needed, today.”

“Well I need you,” You grinned, walking over to the table. “The plan is I prepare everything today, then tomorrow I just have to heat up, and serve.”

“Organized, I like it,” Carmy nodded, looking over to you. “Where exactly do I fit in all this?”

“You..are my assistant for the day. Executive assistant, really.”

You gestured to the bag on the floor. “Show me what you got.”

An hour later, your kitchen was a whole lot messier, but progress was going well. Carmy had the patience of a saint, calmly explaining how everything was done. You were surprised how quickly you were picking up what he taught you, usually you got halfway through a YouTube cooking tutorial and gave up, ordering takeout instead.

“Okay, what's next on the list?” You asked, sprinkling herbs onto the egg roll pastry before wiping your hands. “I still can't believe you made me write a fucking list.”

“You needed the list,” Carmy grinned, reaching for the slip of paper. “Trust me. Okay, once you've finished those we can..almost cross off all the savory, just crudités but that's pretty simple. I can show you how to make dips, if you want.”

“Thought you'd never ask,” You grinned, flicking a loose crumb of pastry at him. “the vegetables are in the..”

You looked up for a minute, trying to think.

“Bottom of the fridge,” Carmy supplied, gently touching your back as he passed you to get to the fridge. “got them.”

You rolled up the pastry under your hands, setting it aside with the other egg rolls that had been prepared.

“So how has it been, being back?” You asked, going to rinse your hands. “I feel like I never asked you properly.”

“It's..fine, yeah,” Carmy replied, his head in the fridge when you glanced over to him. “Hasn't changed, much, well..you know. Never thought I'd end up back here.”

“At least you got out,” You shrugged, drying your hands before moving back to the counter. “How was New York? Incredible?”

“Incredible,” Carmy repeated, coming back to join you and reaching for a bowl. “Hand me that cucumber, please?”

“I need to visit one day,” You sighed, reaching for the cucumber and handing it over. “It's like..it's just there, I can go anytime, but I don't..I will, though.”

“Mm,” Carmy nodded. “You can pour greek yogurt into a bowl if you want.”

“On it,” You smiled, going to get a bowl. “I feel like such a domestic goddess right now, I gotta say. I never really cook. Not like this.”

“Are you enjoying it?” Carmy asked, not looking up from cutting up the cucumber. “I know cutting up vegetables isn't exactly an adrenaline rush.”

“I am enjoying it,” You got a bowl and went to set it on the counter, standing by Carmy. “It's relaxing. I'm not thinking about anything except the next step. I don't have to worry about anything except what I add next.”

“Lemon,” Carmy gestured to the yellow fruit over on the table. “Worry over.”

You smiled as you spooned the yogurt into the bowl, glancing over to Carmy. “You wanna know a secret?”

“Is it..that you're actually a serial killer who kills your victims by liquid potassium poisoning?”

“Oh shut the fuck up,” You groaned, going to grab the lemons as Carmy laughed and shook his head.

“Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. What's this other secret?”

“No, I'm not telling you now,” You sighed, taking the lemons back to the counter. “If you're just gonna be an ass.”

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Carm murmured softly, gently nudging you. “Please tell me.”

“It's a world exclusive secret,” You grinned, walking over to the table and picking up your bag from one of the chairs. “Only three people will now know..”

You reached into your bag, pulling out a clean white envelope.

“Time to see if we need to use the pink or blue food dye.”

“What do you mean?” Carmy looked over to you. “Like a..gender reveal? That's still a thing?”

“I know it's a little cheesy,” You shrugged, looking down at the envelope. “But my best friend is just really excited to have this baby, she wants to know everything she can. So she gave me this,” You held up the envelope. “And I get to whip up some frosting.”

“So, what's it gonna be?” Carmy asked as you walked back over.

“Let's see,” You opened the envelope slowly, feeling Carmy's eyes on you. “Ah..not what I expected.”

You handed the paper over to Carmy as you picked up a lemon. “There's gonna be a little kid running around that looks like her..crazy.”

“Nice, though,” Carmy shrugged, setting the paper aside. “You know, if you..if you're someone that wants that.”

“Mm,” You nodded, taking a knife to cut the lemon. “She has, for a long time. I was so excited for her when she told me. Then I went and agreed to do all this, because..”

“You were drunk?” Carmy supplied.

“Yes, that,” You laughed, shaking your head. “It's not going that bad though, right? Everything is under control.”

“True, but uh..” You looked up as you felt Carmy's hand on your arm, looking down and finding yourself staring at his tattoos.

“You might want to cut the lemons, not your fingers.”

“What? Shit,” You frowned as you looked back to your hands, a trickle of blood appearing. “Spoke too soon.”

“It's okay,” Carmy led you to the sink. “just wash it off, have you got band-aids?”

“Uh..yeah, I think so,” You nodded, running the water. “in the bathroom cabinet.”

“Okay, wait here.”

A few minutes later you were leaning against the counter watching Carmy apply a band-aid to your finger with the precision of a surgeon.

“I can't remember the last time someone put a band-aid on me,” You murmured softly. “Thanks.”

“Don't mention it,” Carm looked up, his hand still holding yours. “I'm an expert at it.”

“So I see,” You smiled, inspecting your finger. “Excellent work. I'll be sure and recommend you.”

“I might need the extra work,” He sighed. “We're getting close to the deadline and it just feels like we're not progressing.”

“Hey,” You gently squeezed his hand. “Stressing out won't change anything except to make everything harder. Just keep going, do what you need to do, and then on the tiny, tiny, chance it doesn't work out you have a career lined up as a professional band-aider. You can patch up my victims.”

Carmy was quiet for a moment before he laughed, really laughed, and you felt a weight slip off your shoulders.

After a moment a comfortable silence fell over the two of you, your eyes held on each other.

“I‐”

“I should actually be going,” Carmy spoke before you could finish. “I just remembered I need to call this guy about the..”

“Okay,” You nodded, clearing your throat. “I can..I can handle the rest. Don't let me keep you if you're in a rush.”

You could see the guilt in Carm’s eyes, choosing to look away.

“I'm sorry to leave you in the middle of all this.”

“Don't be sorry,” You shrugged, looking down to your bandaged finger. “It's my responsibility, I got it. Thank you for your help.”

Carmen gave you a nod and you mustered up a smile in return, watching him leave.

A couple of hours later, the sun had set and your kitchen lights were bright as you flicked some cupcake batter off your fingers. When you heard a knock at the door you looked up, pausing for a minute before grabbing a cloth to wipe your hands.

“Coming, hang on.” You called, setting the cloth aside and heading to the door.

It wasn't a total surprise to see Carmen on the other side.

“Hey,” He said after a moment. “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” You stood aside, holding the door open. “Come on in.”

You watched him as he took a deep breath, hand clutching the zip of his jacket.

“So, about earlier, I-”

“I know,” You smiled, holding up your hand. “It was a lot. It was fun, and..domestic, and kind of intense, and that's a lot. I get it.”

“Yeah,” Carmy breathed, nodding sofly. “But..I'd still like to help you out, if you'll let me.”

“Then get your shoes off and get in the kitchen,” You smiled. “I'm just starting the cupcakes. Assistance is definitely needed.”

Half an hour and a lot of batter later, the cupcakes were in the oven, and the daunting prospect of the cake stood in front of you.

“Do I really need to make a cake and cupcake?” You mused, looking at the messy counter. “It feels excessive.”

“You're making the cake,” Carm nudged you gently. “Show me what you've learned.”

“Prepare to be amazed,” You grinned. “For better or worse.”

You cleared some space on the counter and glanced over to Carmy for a moment with a raised brow. “Hold still, you got batter in your hair.”

You gently moved your hand to carefully remove the fleck of batter.

“Would I be out of line to suggest you might be overdue for a haircut?”

Carmy laughed softly and shook his head, ruffling his messy curls.

“It's on a list, somewhere. I'll get round to it eventually.”

“I could do it,” You suggested, looking back to the counter and taking a clean bowl. “I know my way around a pair of scissors.”

“Really?”

“Really really,” You nodded, reaching for the flour. “you help me with this cake, I'll make you look like a new man.”

“Deal.”

Once the cupcakes were out of the oven and the cake was in, you sent Carmy off to wash his hair in your shower, leaning against the counter when he was gone and taking a deep breath. You reached for the note that your best friend had given you, smiling as you read over it.

When Carm came back into the kitchen, you felt your heart race a little. He was dressed the same of course but his damp hair was slicked back, and he had a warm, clean scent that still had a musk to it that was really doing it for you.

“The cake will be a while, I checked,” You smiled. “Skewered it like a pro. Take a seat, let's get you fixed up.”

“Are you going to skewer me?” Carmy asked, raising a brow as he sat on the chair you'd moved up by the counter. “I'm a little intrigued.”

“You'll see,” You grinned, picking up the blue towel you'd grabbed when Carmy was in the shower. “Be on your best behavior just in case.”

“Yes ma'am.”

“Alright,” You draped the towel around Carmy's shoulders, adjusting it a little before picking up the scissors and a comb. “Let's see what we can do. Head down, please.”

“About earlier,” Carmy began, and you felt a knot twist in your stomach. “I..I just want to apologize, I shouldn't have just left like that.”

“It's okay,” You murmured softly, gently combing his hair and holding the ends between your fingers. “Like I said, I get it.”

“No, it's..it's complicated,” Carmy sighed. “Because..I don't want you to think that I didn't enjoy being domestic and having fun with you, because I did, and I think you're great, I really..I really like you and it just freaked me the fuck out a little.”

“Like when we were six,” You smiled softly, gently snipping his hair. “And I kissed you. You freaked out and left me alone in that treehouse. I was devastated.”

“Hey I didn't expect it,” Carm shrugged. “You didn't give me a heads up.”

“I'm giving you one now,” You grinned, lightly tapping his head with the comb. “Head up, please.”

“Why did you do it?” Carm asked, soft curiosity in his voice.”I mean, why did you..why me?”

“You weren't like the other boys in our class,” You shrugged, gently sweeping the comb through Carmy's hair. “And you weren't like Richie or your brother. You were just..Carmy. I always thought about you. I liked that you were doing your own thing. Tilt your head sideways, please..thanks.”

He stayed quiet while you cut his hair so you kept talking.

“I don't think I really had a crush on you or anything back then, I just liked you. Then as we got older I started seeing you differently but I never acted on it because I didn't think you were interested. We never really hung out much, for all I knew you were a major dick. Then,you were gone and I tried to forget you..head down, please.”

“What do you think now?”

You thought about it for a moment, holding the comb in Carmy's hair.

“I think..you've actually got really great hair.”

“That so?”

“Oh yeah,” You nodded. “I mean usually it looks like a bird should be nesting in it so anything is an improvement.”

He laughed slightly and you felt your shoulders drop a little.

“I also think,” You murmured softly, slowly closing the scissors on the ends of his hair. “Those tattoos on your hands are really doing it for me.”

“Yeah?

“Big time.”

A silence hung over you as you continued the haircut, trying to keep your hands steady.

“Just because I freaked out doesn't mean that I don't..that I haven't been thinking about you.”

“Yeah?” You mused, lightly brushing some hair off the towel.

“Big time. But..” Carmy let out a sigh, clearing his throat. “I'm really not..an expert at the whole relationship thing. I'm not even a novice, I'm like..a nightmare. I can't do the flowers and dates and meeting the parents and all that like..I know I should want all that and maybe I do but..something just stops me and I can't..I can't do it.”

You slowly walked around to stand in front of Carmy, meeting his eyes as you glanced down.

“Head up, please.”

You focused your attention on his hair, feeling the nervous energy radiating from him.

“First of all, you know my parents. So that's not relevant. Second of all..I'm not saying that I want a relationship because I don't even know if I do. But..I wouldn't mind having someone I hang out with, watching movies and talking shit and eating takeout and figuring out if we want to be more but it's okay because we're still good how we are. And I could see you being that person.”

You took a step back, tilting your head slightly.

“All done.”

“Good,” Carmy nodded, standing up and stepping closer to you, his hands reaching out to touch your face and leaning in close til you felt like you couldn't breathe. “You can check the cake.”

You let out a frustrated sigh before laughing and moving your hands to grip the towel around Carmy's shoulders.

“You're definitely a major dick.”

You pulled him in for a kiss, feeling a rush shoot through you. When you pulled back you thought your heart was on fire.

“Wow, you've really improved,” You grinned. “I'm impressed.”

“You don't know the half of it.” Carmy grinned, pulling you back in for another kiss.

He wasn't lying, as you discovered when he put you up on the counter and feasted on you til you cried.

You had wasted no time, pulling him right down onto the kitchen floor to show what you'd learned too.

The next day, when you watched your best friend cut into the cake and scream with joy as layers of pink and blue sponge were revealed, you made a silent vow to volunteer your services more often.

[futterurl]

Hello! I absolutely love the future man writings you’ve done and wanted to request smut for josh futturman. I can just imagine for his first time getting intimate with a partner he just gets so overly eager that he ends up overstimulating himself and his partner hehe

sry ive been gone for a bit schools been kicking my ass ! anyways yeah i got a little carried away sry if this isnt what u rlly had in mind

WARNINGS: fem!reader, titplay, oral(f!receiving), virgin!josh, p in v, creampie, super soft

- - - - - - - - -

it had been a nice day, going out and spending the day with your boyfriend, josh. you two were sat in your apartment, watching a movie, him holding you in his arms while a bowl of popcorn sat in your lap. his hand held onto your forearm, rubbing back and forth lightly with his thumb.

you loved days like this. you loved your boyfriend. he was the sweetest guy you had ever met, and boy were you glad he was yours. he would constantly try to spend time with you, and would try to teach you about the video games that he played. you always looked up to him.

and to him? lord, you were a goddess. you were this kickass woman who was one of his well respected co-workers, you had such a beautiful personality, and you were drop dead gorgeous to him. he fell in love with you all over again whenever he looked at you.

you both tool each other in with your worries and guilts. he knew that you were more shy, and he did a majority of the talking in public, and wouldn’t try to pressure you with anything. he was so kind to you, you wouldn’t trade him for the world.

while you guys were snuggled up, you started to talk over the movie, not paying it much attention. just talking about funny stories that happened in the past.

“…and she caught me. jacking off. in my room. it was the worst thing ever.” josh was telling the unfortunate story of his poor mother just trying to bring him something, but seeing that mess instead. you couldn’t help but laugh.

“god, if that kinda stuff happened to me, i swear, i’d never look anyone in the eyes again.” you laughed.

“this is a random question, and sorry if it’s intrusive, but…have you ever had…like, sex before?” he asked you, sitting up on the couch so he could look you in your eyes.

you shifted, not used to being asked this question. “i…i have. once. it was a mistake. i don’t know why i did it.”

he started to look a little worried. “did he make you do that?” hoping it wasn’t that.

“oh, no! no! don’t worry, i was fine with it.” you reassured him. “i just…regret it, was all. it wasn’t all that good, just a heat of the moment thing, wanting to do it. we fucked, he came, and that was that. nothing special.”

“did he uh…did he make you…y’know…” he tried to ask in the most not awkward way possible, which was still very awkward.

“make me cum? uh, no. it wasn’t…wasn’t really a priority, i guess. just the experience.” you started to fidget with your hands.

“that’s…yeesh, that’s kinda fucked.” he was a little irritated. was it that difficult to focus on a girl for a few minutes to make her feel good? he didn’t understand it. “i’m sorry it wasn’t good. i just don’t get how he could finish and not care that you didn’t.”

“it’s fine. i don’t really care that much.” you were still a tad bit upset over it, but he was out of your life now. you didn’t have to worry shout him, only being in your happiest relationship yet with josh.

“what about you?” you asked him, curious.

“me? oh, uh, this is kinda sad, but i…haven’t done that kinda stuff.” he started. “it just never kinda…happened. moment was never really right. but now i’m here, with you. i couldn’t be happier.” he hugged you, kissing your jaw.

you rubbed the back of his head. you loved this man more than words could describe.

“i don’t know how to ask this in a way that isn’t awkward, but i’m just gonna go ahead…would you mind if i…if i, uh, made you…you cum?” he asked, looking at you.

you looked at him. “a-are you sure? you don’t have to if you feel bad or anything like that, it’s not your obligation to-”

he cut you off, holding your hands in his. “i…i want to do this. it’s not out of sadness or anger for you…”

you gave him an inquisitive stare.

“okay, maybe it is a little bit.” he admitted. “but i really do wanna do this. i’ve wanted to do this with you…for a little bit now, but i didn’t know how to ask, or bring it up. you feeling good makes me happy.”

it was like he was trying to make you fall in love again and again.

“josh, that’s really sweet…i…i do think i may be ready to try this stuff out with you.” you started to get a little shy.

“okay…okay…great.” he tried to hype himself up, telling himself that it’s real and this was happening. “just, uh, tell me if you’re uncomfortable or anything like that, and we can stop, go back to watching the movie, no questions asked, okay?”

you smiled, knowing he was your safe place. “thank you so much.” you gave him a kiss on his lips. he went and deepened the kiss, holding your frame in his arms.

you made out, him slowly getting on top of you, laying you in the couch. his hands went from holding your body to feeling around: touching your hips, your waist, your breasts, everything. he gently caressed one of your breasts, to which you let a moan out at.

“did you like that?” he asked.

you nodded, pulling your shirt up. “please.” you yanked it off your body. he stared at you with awe, your breasts clad with a bra. you looked so beautiful to him.

“can i…can i take this off?” he asked, fingers playing with your bra. you nodded, reaching back and unclasping it.

“how the hell do you unclasp that so easily?” he discarded your bra, asking while staring at your bare breasts.

“lots of practice, i guess. you get used to it after wearing these since the ripe age of 13.” you giggled.

his hand moved towards your breasts, but hesitated. he didn’t want to squeeze them too tight, or hurt you.

“you can touch then, josh. it’s okay. please. i want you to.” you reassured him, guiding his hand to gently caress your left tit. he played with it, new to the sense of it.

“it’s so soft…” his thumb ran over your nipple, causing you to shudder. he could tell you liked that.

“do you think i could…suck on them?” he asked, testing the waters. you nodded your head slowly.

“yes, please. whatever you like.”

“this is about you, though, not me. i want this to feel good for you.” he looked at you with concern in his eyes. sure, he was getting very caught up in the moment, but he knew he ultimately wanted you to have a good takeaway from this: you were someone he loved so much, he wanted to watch and make you feel good.

“josh, i want you to do this, don’t worry.” you smiled at him. he was so careful with you, it made you feel so delicate. so special.

he leaned his head down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. his lips wrapped around it while his tongue ran over it.

you ran your fingers through his hair. you had thought he’d be a boob guy, and this for sure proved it. he loved feeling them, the texture so foreign to him.

he moved on to the other breast, suckling onto your other nipple, to which you let out a gasp at. it felt…good.

he played with your other breast in his hand, giving it gentle squeezes. you let out a hushed moan. you didn’t think it’d feel good.

his head lifted up, kissing you again. it was a deep kiss, his hand digging to play with the hem of your pants.

“please, wanna make you feel good down there.” he pleaded, looking at you for permission.

you had never been like this before. someone focusing on you felt…unbelievable. it really did.

you nodded, unzipping your pants. “please, josh, want this so bad. want you so bad.”

he lifted your hips up, helping you shimmy out of your pants and panties. you were there, completely bare in front of him. he took his shirt off, trying to make you feel more comfortable. he stared at you with awe.

he couldn’t believe you were with him. you were so beautiful, and had an even better personality. he couldn’t believe that you loved him, and that you were willing to do this with him. he felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

“is this okay?” he asked, lowering himself, his head in between your legs. he rubbed your thighs, trying to help you stay comfortable. he could see your slick. he wanted to get a taste so badly.

“yes, please josh. please.” you wailed.

he obliged, taking a long lick up your slit.

“oh, fuck…” you moaned. loud. you hadn’t ever felt that good before.

“you okay?” he asked, making sure he didn’t do something wrong.

“i’m great, just felt really fucking good…holy shit.” you looked down at the sight of him, in between your thighs.

he dipped in again, this time bringing his tongue to lay flat on your clit. you shuddered, feeling all sorts of sensations. he held your hips steady, running his tongue in tight circles around your clit.

you swore to god, you could hear him groaning into your cunt. he was letting out little noises in exasperation as he pleasured you, rubbing your clit with his tongue, getting into a rhythm.

“jesus christ, josh, i’ve never felt so good, fuck…” you could barely get the words out in between moans.

he licked another stripe down your slit and ran his tongue on your entrance. you tugged at his hair a big, cautious yet excited to see where this was gonna go.

his tongue slowly crept inside of you, feeling around as you scratched at his scalp, letting little whimpers out. he held tightly onto your thigh as he started to tongue fuck you.

you threw your head back in pure ecstasy. you were starting to get close.

“josh…g’na come soon…fuck…” you panted out.

“please.” he said, moving his mouth up and tasting you all over. “do it f’ me. come on my face. please. you’re so hot. fuck. come all over me.”

he moved his mouth and latched onto your clit again. from there, he just sucked. your orgasm approached.

you let out a cry as your hips started to spasm ever so slightly, your body contorting. josh continued to suckle on your clit while you rode out your orgasm.

“oh my god…” you breathed. “how are you so fucking good at that?”

he lifted his head up, mouth coated in your cum. “don’t know. just pure talent i guess.”

you lightly pushed him. “fuck you.”

“i mean, if you’d be ever so kind.”

you looked at him, starting to laugh, but understanding what he wanted: you.

you moved yourself closer to him, closing the space in between you two.

“please.” you said, planting a kiss on his cheek. “i..i think i’m ready for this. fuck me, josh. please.”

“fuck, i’m so fucking hard for you right now, holy shit.” he kissed you, lying you back down on the couch. he pulled his pants down, huge erection standing up in his underwear.

“do you see how crazy you make me? you’re so perfect.” he looked down as he slowly started to take off his underwear, cock standing out.

you blushed. even in situations like this, he still made you feel so special.

he got on top of you, cock springing out, almost touching your delicate folds. you shuddered.

“a-are you sure you wanna do this, josh?” you asked him. doing something like this for the first time was really important to you, so you hoped you could make it important to him.

“yes, there’s no one i’d rather do this with than you.” he kissed you softly, sliding his cock through your slit, bumping his tip to your clit. you both groaned lightly.

“i…i’m gonna put it in now…okay?” he asked for permission.

you smiled. “yes. please.”

he used one of his hands to steady himself and his other one to hold yours as he slowly pushed inside of you. he was feeling all sorts of new sensations, all good like he’d never felt before. your walls clenched around him. he let out a moan as he slowly inched himself inside you.

you held his hand, gripping it tight. it had been awhile since you’d done this. it was a big stretch, but it felt so damn good to have him inside of you.

he finally bottomed out, cupping your cheek. “you’re so tight…oh my god…i knew it’d feel good but…didn’t expect this…” he was breathing heavily, catching up with his senses. he felt like he was going to cum just from being in you.

“josh, want you t’ start moving.” you pleaded, feeling so full but desperate for friction.

he obliged, giving experimental thrusts and letting out low groans in the process. your tight walls kept sucking him in, as if they didn’t want him to pull out.

“fuck, you feel so good. i love you so much.” he started to thrust a bit faster now, hands on your hips, holding you steady. every time his hips met yours you could feel yourself groan with delight. even though this was his first time, he wanted to take care of you.

he started to thrust hard, moaning sweet nothings into the room. every word he said professed his love for you and your body.

one thrust in particular hit a certain part inside you that made you let out a really high-pitched moan. he stopped, looking at you.

“shit, you okay?” he asked.

“yeah, m’ fine, that just felt really good.” you gave him a smile.

he tried to angle his hips to hit that sensitive spot again, which he was successful with after a few harsh thrusts. he abused that sweet spot with every thrust, leaving you a moaning mess. he took your lips into his, kissing you like your lives depended on it.

“josh, close, shit.” you could barely form words with how good you felt.

“me too, gonna cum, fuck.” he started to move incredibly fast, moving like there was no tomorrow. “please, cum on my cock.”

you could feel the knot on your stomach start to snap, riding out your orgasm. you were letting out these pornographic moans that were driving him insane, leading him to cum right after you did.

but he didn’t stop.

“feel too damn good. can’t stop. shit.” he continued his quick and deep thrusts, leaving you screaming.

“josh, can’t. already came. oh my god.” you were a moaning mess, feeling his cock penetrating your tight walls right after having an earth shattering orgasm.

“please, need you to cum again. wanna make you feel better than you’ve ever felt.” he moaned, trying to hit that spot inside you with every single thrust, making himself feel overstimulated in the process.

you felt another orgasm start to bubble up inside you as he kept going. the knot snapped yet again when he led his hand to your clit, rubbing it in circles with his thumb.

“cum for me, please. cum. wanna make you feel good. please. need you to cum on my cock again. i’ll do anything.” he begged and pleaded, bot stopping his aggression to your cunt.

you were practically screaming, head thrown back and breathing like a madman. he helped you ride through your orgasm, him taking a few extra seconds to reach his own again, as well.

he eventually stopped, laying on you carefully as to not hurt you.

“sorry, got…got a little carried away.” he said in between breaths. he felt so woozy.

“no, it felt really good josh. thank you.” you wrapped your arms around him, holding him as he lay on top of you.

“was it that good?” he asked, making sure you got as much satisfaction as he did.

“i’ve never felt that good in my life. serious.” you replied. he knew how to make you feel special and really good. “you’re amazing.”

he held you, planting a kiss on your cheek. “i hope you know how much you mean to me. i love you so much, and i wanna be with you forever.”

you were practically gushing. he was so darn cute. “i love you more.”

[itsgrimeytime]

he's such a pretty liar || Rick Grimes (TWD) × gn!reader

rick grimes taglist: @golden-hoax @mgparker @zomb-1-egutzz @deadgirlrin

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Dialogue Prompts: 8 + 2

Inspiration: my boy by Billie Eilish

Summary: You and Rick had gotten along at some point, at the farm and prison. You were friends even. Until the Governor killed Hershel, which you believed to be perfectly preventable. Because of his inaction then, you'd gotten a bitter taste in your mouth at the thought of him and eventually, he started to reciprocate the behavior. But as time passes, and you experience more and more with him, is it really hate that you feel?

TWs: enemies to lovers (like fr though), yelling, mentions of death (Shane, Lori, Beth, and Hershel), mention of the Claimers scene, cursing, anger, nosebleed, bruising, love confessions, injuries, blood, and all things TWD.

[[A/N: This is based on Carl being mad at Rick after the prison. Rick do be stressed out, and he do be saying some terrible stuff, but like so are you. This gif is so 🫣💞🤭💞🤪. Anyway, enjoy :))) ]]

You weren't a bad person, and in that regard, you wouldn't say Rick was either. Honestly, you respected him as a leader -you just didn't agree with all his choices. That's where it all started, after all, isn't it?

You'd seen what a wrong choice could do, you'd watched Hershel die right in front of your eyes. You'd seen it all.

And, sure, maybe you were grieving a little but you still largely disagreed with Rick's actions on the matter. It was preventable.

It started there, and only really got worse. It was like once you identified one flaw, suddenly you were second-guessing his every move. The two of you couldn't be in a room without arguing, couldn't be put on shifts together, nothing. Daryl, for one, wouldn't let you be alone together at all. And if it wasn't him, it was someone else.

"Rick, seriously," you spoke once, almost sternly, "-that can't be your decision."

"Why?" he responded -pointed and short, "-Ya got a better idea? Go right fuckin' ahead."

You knew that since the prison, Rick had been strung thin. You knew that he had been harder on himself than you could ever be about Hershel. But, you still were angry. Sometimes, sometimes it felt like maybe he was just a target for everything that you'd been through. And you were trying to change your behavior, change your ways.

You'd known him for so long, and you were going to be stuck with him. The group, even though the two of you weren't on the best terms, was like family to you.

And then, it started getting personal.

This argument stemmed from something small, trivial, you can't even remember it now. Maybe a decision on a run? You can't-

"Ya act like ya ain't made mistakes of your own," he added, "-all high and damn mighty-"

"When did I say that?" You interrupted, more cold than anything, "-You're putting words in my mouth, Grimes."

"-Because I seem to remember ya tellin' me about your family," he continued, not even pausing to listen to you.

You stilled in place.

"Rick," you warned (voice slightly shaking), "-don't... don't go there."

Your family. At the beginning of all this, you'd froze -scared. Watched one of them get bitten, and then everyone just followed after -not willing to grieve. You regretted not being quicker, not being more aware, but you weren't used to it. You weren't-

"Ya fucked up," Rick continued, as if he wasn't bringing up what he was, "-We all do, why do you-"

"No, no," you shook your head, voice shaking, "-Rick, that is not fair. You can't bring up my family-"

You had hated yourself for that, hated yourself. Still did. You would never forgive yourself for not saving them, even though you really didn't have an idea how to then, you should have-

God, he was bringing this up? Really?

"-over a goddamn run strategy."

"Well, you pick apart every damn thing I do," he retorted, "-'Thought I'd do the same for once."

"Oh, fuck you, Rick," you seethed, tears burning the backs of your eyes, "-you want me to poke at your wounds? Talk about who you could've saved?"

He pursed his lips, and you saw something flash through his eyes (they were trailing the now shake of your hands) that looked a little like regret. Like maybe he was understanding what he said. You felt like your skin was on fire.

"Do you want me to start from the beginning?" You tsked, a fire burning in your chest, "-Shane? Or maybe Lori? Beth? Hershel-"

"Stop," he stated, quieter than before.

"-Why, Rick?" you hissed, and you felt the tears now, "-Is this not what we're talking about? Oh, do you not want me to bring that up? Over a run?"

"I get it," he spoke, softer, and something in you sharpened, "-I get it, Y/N."

"Do you?" you responded, frustrated and just... angry, "-Do you, Rick?"

"I shouldn't 'ave-"

"Can it," you interrupted -short, "-Let's just get the fucking supplies and go."

Rick frowned, blue eyes far more emotive (all you could see was regret and pity), "Y/N, I didn't-"

"You didn't what?" You countered, and your voice was cracking, "-You didn't mean to bring up the fact that I watched my family die, right in front of me? Do you think that I don't hate myself every day for not doing anything then?"

Rick didn't say a word.

"-Hate to break it to you, sheriff, but I fucking do."

"Y/N..." he trailed off, blue eyes much calmer, the rage from before dissipating out of his voice.

"No, just-" you cleared your throat, wiping mindlessly at your frustratingly red eyes, "-Let's get this shit done and leave."

From then on, it had been much deeper.

You couldn't stand him, you hadn't been alone with him since. He made your skin crawl and your mind flare up in anger, and sometimes, just sometimes, it would shake your respect for him. Because you did have some, you probably wouldn't even be here, if you didn't.

The funny thing about it all was that you were close to Carl, very close to him. At the prison, after Lori's death, you'd nearly been inseparable. It was kind of like a parent relationship, but at the same time a little like a friend. It made you want to reconcile sometimes, but all you and Rick did was clash.

So much that you started to wonder what a normal conversation was like with him.

And then, you had the run-in with the Claimers.

God, what they'd threatened to do to Carl? You personally would've snapped their spine yourself if you had the chance. But what Rick had done? You couldn't imagine it yourself.

But you knew that he did what he had to. And some part of you wanted to tell him that, despite... despite all of your problems, you knew he needed it.

It was late that night when you decided to talk to him. It was just the two of you awake. You, on purpose, and you just knew Rick would be. Doing that was probably still rattling through his skull, he probably couldn't even close his eyes without-

Your steps were slow and careful, trying not to startle him -he just seemed to be staring. Endlessly staring, and just pacing. Despite it all, you felt something in your chest swirl with worry.

"Rick?" you spoke, gently. Even still, you saw his whole body tense up.

"Please," he muttered, voice low and gravelly -blue eyes heavy on you, "-I don't need your shit right now. I kno' 'at I did somethin' bad, really damn bad. But I just can't deal wit' ya-"

"No, Rick," you interrupted, "-that's not why I'm... That's not what I want to say."

"What do ya want to say, then?"

"You made the right decision," you responded, tone sturdy and unmoving, "-you... you did what you had to."

Rick stilled, something flickering through his face -a flutter of emotions.

"I know, we aren't on the best terms, but-" you rolled your lip around your teeth, "-you're not a monster, Rick."

The silence was loud then, as his blue eyes skimmed over you -carefully. Maybe like he was seeing a new you, or maybe an old one he'd forgotten about. One you'd forgotten about.

"Trust me, I know it feels like it," you added (mind flashing with what you'd done over the years), "-but you did what you had to. You saved your son, and that's all that matters."

He didn't say anything for a moment, trying to process your words. And if you really looked, you might've seen his eyes fogging up a little and the slight drop of tension in his shoulders. A little like he was waiting for someone to tell him that.

And then, he replied, "Thank ya."

You pursed your lips a moment, fidgeting with your hands. You weren't sure what else to say. This was all so new. With a succinct nod, you moved to spin on your heel and lay down for the night.

"Wait," he called, and you turned back to him -eyes inquisitive.

There was a beat.

"-'At day, on the run," he continued, slow and regretful, "-I'm... I'm sorry. I never should 'ave said somethin' like 'at. I never should 'ave brought it up at all. 'Wasn't right of me to."

"Thanks, Rick," you responded, brief but genuine, grateful. You could tell he understood.

Before you could fully turn around though, he added -softer, with something you couldn't quite name, "Goodnight, Y/N."

There was a pleasant hum in your mind at the way he said your name, but you shoved it away. You'd locked all of that far away, a long time ago.

"Night, Grimes," you chimed back, lighter in tone.

He smiled at you then, and something in you gleamed a little from it. Not that you would ever say it out loud.

There was something different after that, a sort of trust or respect. Or maybe something else, you didn't really know. It was there, though.

When you found Alexandria, things shifted a little. Mostly because it was your group against another one, you and Rick were profoundly on the same side. That being said, you still clashed. You weren't sure if it was just the authority of it all, or what? (It might've had a little to do with a blonde wife that he was spending some time with, but you'd never say that out loud.)

"You're seriously not going to let me lead the run?"

"I got Daryl on it," he responded, eyes solely sat on you.

"He's been on all the runs lately," you continued, trying to explain your case, "-Shouldn't this shit be evenly distributed? Have you even talked to Daryl about what he wants? Or are you just assigning us like it's some dictatorship-"

"'Course I damn talked to 'im," he snapped back, and you could see something tired in his eyes, "-everybody gets a say in what 'ey're doin', ya know 'at."

"Except for me," you contradicted, "-you keep giving me the same fucking chores, when I'm useful in other places-"

And he was, he kept you in Alexandria -washing clothes, making dinner, keeping an eye on the people. He made you some kind of mediator between Deanna's people and your own. But you were useful, you shouldn't be locked inside like you couldn't handle yourself. Because you could, and you had before.

"-You know, I scavenged for months before I met you, right? I was alone, and I figured it out."

"I know 'at," he confirmed, pinching the bridge of his nose. You could nearly see the stress radiating off him, but you couldn't stop, not then.

"So, so what-" you asked, "-you don't trust me? You don't think I can do it?"

Rick sighed, big and loud -fully facing you, "It ain't 'at, Y/N. I know ya can handle yourself, I've seen it."

"Then, what is the problem, Grimes? I don't get it-"

"Just take the goddamn next run," he groaned, something in his tone broken (and something a little like guilt curled up in your stomach), "-I'll tell Daryl he's switchin'."

You stopped in place, words faltering off your lips. Your will and the fire in your gut extinguished, you suddenly felt very out of place, and a little like the bad guy. You knew you weren't though, but he just looked so tired-

"Okay," you finally responded, a little dumbfounded, "-thanks."

He nodded in your direction and didn't say a word. You took it as a motion to move along, so you did.

Apparently, he might've had a good reason to worry.

It wasn't that first run, or even the second or third, it was the fourth after that conversation that you were stupid. Well, it really wasn't your fault. You thought someone had your back, and they didn't; so, one of the walkers had clawed pretty deep into your arm.

It was bleeding a lot (maybe too much) and probably needed stitches, but you didn't worry about it. Denise could handle it, and you, as a community, were pretty good on medical supplies at this point.

What you didn't expect, was after Denise patched you up for one Rick Grimes to be on your ass.

You were still sitting in her doctor's space (you had no idea what to call it) then, silently trailing your fingers over the bandaging. You could already see some of the blood through the white of it. It made you a little nervous, you won't lie.

And then, the door swung open.

At first, you nearly grabbed for the knife you hid on you -alarmed, assuming it was someone coming to hurt you. Instead, you were met with one Rick Grimes -his face was all scrunched up in that way he always got when he was frustrated.

If there was one thing you could recognize, it was that.

"Rick?" you questioned -carefully, a little shocked by him bursting into the room. Did you do something to him recently?

"'At's why ya can't go on fuckin' runs," he grumbled out -suddenly so angry, it made your head spin.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "What?"

"You're always makin' damn bad decisions," he continued, and something in you bristled. Your defenses were up in an instant.

"What the fuck, Rick?" you countered, "-You don't even know what happened, how the hell do you know it's on me?"

"You're injured," he clarified, a little like he was talking to himself, "-ya made a stupid mistake-"

"How the hell do you know that?" you hissed, "-Do you just think everything that goes wrong has to be my fucking fault, Grimes?"

"-and you're damn hurt."

There was something there in his tone, something different. Your frustration twisted into a little bit of curiosity. What was that?

"I can’t leave ya alone for one second without ya hurting yourself, can I?" He started up again, and it was there again, angry but also... but also-

Your eyes swam over him, and you recognized it then, worry. He was worried about you, you felt something in you stall. It was so different from what you knew from him-

"I mean," you responded, a little awkwardly -unsure (since when did he care so much?), "-I’m fine so it’s okay-"

"No, it’s not okay," he suddenly shot his eyes to you, blue eyes heavy with worry (so much, it shot to your core), "-Not when I feel like I’m goin' to go batshit fuckin' crazy, thinkin' you’ve hurt yourself."

It was silent for a moment, as your mind processed the words. Skimming along his face, as he seemed to do the same -frustration dissipating along his features.

That... That was new.

"It's just some scratches," you spoke -a little lost, you weren't sure exactly what to say. He cared about you that much? Thought about you that much?

Rick's eyes darted to the bandages, which were just about as dark as before -which was just a little, the stitches seemed to stop it mostly. Something in him relaxed, you could tell in his shoulders -the drop of the tension. You couldn't believe that was because of you. When-

"Ya had to get stitches, yeah?" He spoke, suddenly and a bit awkwardly too (like he wasn't sure what to do).

"I did," you confirmed, just looking and something in you felt like you needed to tell him more, so you did, "-Uh, five in one, and three in the other."

He pursed his lips (like he was debating something), before shattering out a breath, "Can I see it?"

"It's already wrapped up," you responded, blankly -you were running a little on autopilot, "-She already-"

"Denise can rewrap it," he offered, stepping closer. Something in your stomach stirred.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "You want to waste medical supplies, just so you can see my wound?"

Rick's lips pressed into a thin line, something in him firing back up, "I'll replace the supplies my damn self, if I 'ave to, just let me see."

You couldn't really say anything, it felt like all the words had washed from your head. Like you couldn't speak if your life was on the line.

He faltered a second, sighing, and his eyes shifted to something softer (a little like pleading), "I... I need to see if ya are alright."

You felt like you were stone -frozen.

"Please."

Your heart lept into your throat (and you let your mind drift somewhere you'd never let it before), "Yeah, okay."

That started the shift.

And he started checking over you after every run, you thought it would've been annoying but... you got used to it. And something in you liked helping him calm down, although you'd never say it out loud.

Things were a little different. You clashed but it wasn't as fiery anymore. Because you knew he cared about you, and somewhere you could acknowledge you cared about him. (More than you'd ever admit.)

This time it wasn't even Rick you were arguing with. It was someone originally from Alexandria. You couldn't even remember their name, but they'd said something about you and you let it slide. But then, they kept going.

"You made a shit call," the guy remarked, sauntering up to your side.

You were a little startled, but you stayed composed, "What are you talking about?"

"We could've gotten more supplies," he continued, "-that gun store was right there, and you called the whole fucking thing off."

You soured -something steeling in your gut, "You mean the one that was swarmed? Hate to break it to you, but we were outnumbered."

"We could've done it," he added -persistent, something frustrated in his tone, "-we had the manpower."

"Are you serious?" you laughed a little incredulously, "-There were three of us, and about 30, 40 maybe, walkers. That is-"

"Maybe you couldn't have done it," he tsked, lips falling in a flat line.

You flexed your jaw, trying to stay composed, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You're a sorry fucking excuse for a lead," he gritted through his teeth, "-You don't know shit about-"

"Next time, just go right ahead and do it yourself then," you shot back but stayed still in your space (composed, composed, composed), "-and I don't know about you, but I value life more than something we already fucking have-"

"It's ammunition," he seethed, stepping much closer to you -something sparking behind his eyes, "-Don't know if you fucking know this, but it's pretty damn important to survival-"

"No," you disagreed, voice calm and collected, "-it's not. You don't need to walk into a situation that you can't handle-"

Without warning, a fist flew at your face -right at the nose.

"Shit," you hissed, and you felt the thrum of pain under your skin and could almost immediately taste the coppery taste of blood, "-What the fuck? Why did you-"

"What the hell is goin' on 'ere?"

It was Rick, and his tone was something you'd only heard a few times -blue eyes flickering over you. They held onto your, now bleeding, nose which you were now trying to soothe, and something in his jaw tightened.

The guy was the first one to speak, mostly because you were trying to stop the bleeding. Luckily, Maggie rushed up to your side with paper towels -doing her best to help too.

"They made a mistake on the run-"

Rick didn't let him get far, "So, you punched 'em in the damn face?"

"Well," the guy fell quieter, "-we were arguing-"

Maggie snapped back, shifting her focus for a moment, "You were arguin'."

"No-"

"They were just trying to talk some sense into ya," she continued, tone cold, "-You were the one who took it personally-"

Rick put a hand on her shoulder, eyes flickering toward you -something swimming through them that you recognized from a different day, and Maggie took the notion to stop talking. She turned back to you, and gently guided you to tilt your head forward. On instinct, you pinched your nostrils shut -breathing out of your mouth.

"Even if it was a fuckin' argument," Rick tsked, something cold in his tone, "-there's no damn reason to do 'at. They weren't gettin' violent with ya-"

"How do you know that?"

"Because I kno' 'em," he retorted, "-an' if 'ey got their hands on ya, you wouldn't be standin' in front of me."

You laughed a little and could feel his eyes shoot to you for a second. It made something in your chest flutter, something you were trying desperately to ignore.

"We need to get ya some ice," Maggie spoke, mostly to herself, "-It's already bruisin' up pretty bad."

"'S leave 'is for another day," Rick seemed to exit the conversation with the man, tone unshakable, "-but if I 'ear anythin' else from ya, 'ere's gonna be a problem. Ya got 'at?"

You could almost visually see the way Rick shifted as he made his way over to you. Composure slipping into something more worried, eyebrows furrowing and eyes shining in an entirely different way. Like he couldn't help it, his hands frantically found themselves along your shoulders. It made your skin buzz a little, and made you feel a little woozy. Well, you guessed there could be more than one reason for that.

On that note, you stumbled in place a little, and Rick's hands immediately slid to your sides -stabilizing you. Your heart skipped a beat, stupid fucking handsome men with big fucking hands.

"'Ey, can ya bring a chair over 'ere, please?"

Before you could so much as blink, he was pushing you into it -gently, mind you. Ever-so-gently. And almost on instinct, he fell onto one knee in front of you, trying to hold your eye contact with your head slightly forward, you guessed. His eyes were the same as that day, but there was something else there too, something fuzzier.

"Maggie, ya go get the ice," he turned to her, "-I'll stay with 'em."

She seemed to scamper off because you could tell it was just the two of you. Maybe he'd warded off everyone else, Rick had this... aura to him when he wanted to -a dangerous one. Sometimes you thought it was to balance out his natural nature as a leader.

Quietly, you heard Rick tear off another paper towel and gently wipe at your mouth (where you imagined blood was staining at this point). It was strangely intimate, as you just skimmed over his face.

He was entirely focused on the task, so your eyes roamed along the creases along his face, the blue of his eyes, the sharp line of his nose, the little curls that peeked behind his ears-

You blinked, clearing your thoughts. He was always handsome, you knew that.

"What even is that dick's name?" you questioned, testing to see if your nose had stopped bleeding as much. It had.

Rick smiled a little, looking up at your eyes from where he was focused before (he seemed to be done), "I 'ave no fuckin' clue."

You laughed at that, and if you were honest with yourself thought you saw something shoot through his eyes. Something warm. You ignored it.

"'S hurt?" he spoke, softer.

You responded, simply, "I've had worse."

Rick smiled a little at that, but fell into something more serious, "So, yeah?"

"Like a bitch," you admitted, and he let out a low sort of chuckle.

It made something in you relax, something warm lighting up in your chest. You let yourself feel it this time, just once.

"Just so ya know," he interrupted your thought process, "-'at ain't happenin' again."

You frowned, furrowing your eyebrows -warmth dissipating, "Are you- Are you chastising me right now?"

"No," he quickly responded, but didn't explain further, "-'M just tellin' ya I ain't lettin' it happen again."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Rick paused a second, ripping another paper towel off and dabbing at your nose. It was probably still bleeding a little bit.

You just watched him, waiting for an explanation. Even though, you weren't entirely sure he was going to give you one.

"Anyone touches ya, says anythin' to ya, so much as looks at ya the wrong way-" he listed, tone deadly serious (it shook through your skull), "-ya come get me, and I’ll set 'em straight. Understand?"

Your mouth moved before you could stop it, "What?"

"I'll handle it," he repeated, pulling away the paper towel and locking eyes with yours, "-It ain't happenin' again."

"Rick," you laughed -incredulously, and maybe a little defensive, "-I don't need a fucking guard dog. I can handle myself."

"'Didn’t say 'at," he hummed, carefully, eyes skimming along your face -a little like he was in wonder (it made your head spin a second), "-'S for me, not ya."

"How does that-"

"If 'ey're fuckin' with ya, 'ey're fuckin' with me," he interrupted, eyes so solid that you couldn't really look away, "-you can handle it how ya want, but Imma 'ave some choice words of my own. So, send 'em my way too."

The words faltered in your throat, something swirling around your heart. He was just so-

The coppery taste again.

You shriveled up your nose in disgust, and Rick laughed at it (something gleaming in his eye), as you reacted -spitting the taste out into the dirt.

"Yeah, keep laughing, Grimes," you tsked, but there was no bite, not really. Not like there used to be, "-I'll beat the shit out of you."

"'Ere's no doubt in my mind," he retorted back, smiling in a way that crinkled at the eyes. You thought for a spare second it was a beautiful one, that maybe he was beautiful.

After that day, you'd say that everything was a little confusing.

These feelings towards Rick were far from new, very far. They'd always kind of been in the very back of your mind. Part of you was actually pretty sure that hating him had in some way distanced you from what you felt otherwise. Now, that is to say, you had definitely hated him at one point. That just didn't mean that it erased the... other thing.

You and Rick were off-kilter. Or at least you were. You guessed you couldn't say anything about him, he was very much a mystery to you at this point.

He just kept doing things. Like the scratch and nosebleed. And every time he'd smile at you a bit warmer, say something you couldn't really avoid. Not anymore. (And you weren't sure you wanted to avoid, honestly.)

And he'd looked at you a lot more, searched you out (when before you used to shun each other, avoid each other), and just smiled at you sometimes for no reason. The thing was you didn't mind it. You wanted him to. Because you... because it was all different.

You were confused, but you weren't going to be the one to encroach on it. It all felt so surreal, that one day something would happen and you'd just snap right back into place -just like before. To be fair, you still argued. But, it was moreso bickering now. And even if it wasn't, before you could get as heated as you used to, you compromised -easily.

You slotted together perfectly and bounced off each other with ease. Hell, he started coming to you about running Alexandria, about problems he couldn't quite get. And the two of you would talk until you worked out a solution. Because you always did.

It made no sense why you'd even clashed in the first place.

You were confused, beyond confused. And you wanted things, wanted to ask things, but they seemed dangerous. Far away-

That brought you here, on a night when you couldn't sleep. Which were more frequent nowadays, if you were completely honest. This whole situation made your mind run for a lot of different reasons, and when it wasn't that, it was nightmares. Alexandria was safe, you knew that, but it didn't necessarily stop your fight or flight -the urge to constantly be on edge, protect.

So, sometimes you sat here on the steps of your porch in the night -the chill and silence of it soothed you. It wouldn't always get you back to sleep, but it would make you feel better. Remind yourself that you're breathing. That you're alive.

You exhaled, trailing your finger along the wood of the railing beside you -absorbing the low buzz of bugs in the air and the strangely familiar groans of walkers outside the walls. It was kinda fucked up that it calmed you down, but you gave yourself a pass.

"Funny seein' ya 'ere."

Your eyes shot up and latched onto his.

The Grimes house was just a couple of houses down, diagonal to yours. So, you could see him, but not entirely clearly.

He was leaning on the porch railing, you could see the sleeves of his jacket against the starch white, and his hair seemed a little messy -your eyes trailed over a particular curl. It was hanging slightly down in front of his face. (You got the urge to fix it, comb it back into place.)

"'Could say the same to you, Grimes," you replied.

You saw him smile, dropping his head to look at the ground. It made something in your chest flutter. But, before you could say anything else, he was stepping down from his porch and making his way to you.

As he got closer you recognized that he was in pajamas with just a jacket thrown over.

He stood just at the bottom of the stairs, leaning onto the railing slightly and just looking at you. Like he always did these days. With worry and... something else.

"Nightmare?" he questioned, genuinely.

You rolled your lip around your teeth, deciding to say, "Kind of."

Rick's lips pressed into a frown, eyes glazing along your face (you didn't look back at him), "Can I sit?"

You were wordless, but moved slightly to the left (despite not really needing to) as unspoken acceptance. He stared at you for a second longer, before slowly but surely making his way to the steps. He sat closer to you than you thought he would've, but it was almost in character of him to do something that surprises you so.

"Ya cold?"

On cue, you shivered slightly, "I've had worse."

Rick let out a low sigh (he knew you well now), nudging off his jacket and hanging it squarely on your shoulders without hesitation. His eyes trailed over you wearing it for a moment, a small look in his eyes that you couldn't name. All shiny as his lips quirked up just a smidgen.

"You don't have to do that," you objected, but it was quiet and weak.

"I want to," he replied, simply.

You couldn't argue with that. Hell, you didn't think you could argue with him anymore-

Rick interrupted the thought, eyebrows furrowed in that kind of way you knew to be worried, "What do ya mean 'kinda'?"

You took a second, staring out into the night -listening to the silence.

"My mind won't stop," you clarified, "-sometimes it's... things I've done, and other times it's... things that I just can't seem to figure out."

"What's it today?"

You pursed your lips a minute, before answering, "Something I can't figure out."

He stared at you, blue eyes flickering along your face in a hazy sort of way. It made something unfurl in your chest that you'd tried to keep shoved down, "Is 'ere anythin' I can do to help?"

You ran the idea through your head a few times, and let your eyes match him a few more. You aren't entirely sure why, but talking to Rick fel a little like he'd never judge you. Even though he had before, it was... it was now. Things were very different.

"Can I ask you a question?" you spoke, then, deflecting a little.

"Shoot," he responded, almost instantly. ( A little like he'd do anything you'd ask.)

"What happened to us?"

Rick's eyebrows furrowed, and you took it as a motion to keep talking, to explain. So, you did.

"We used to-" you dropped your hands on your lap, and stared out into the Alexandrian streets, "-We used to scream at each other until our faces turned red. We couldn't stand each other, and now..."

"'At ain't a good thing?" he questioned, something in his tone a little disappointed (it made your head swirl a little), "-'At it changed, I mean."

"It is," you reassured, facing him a second, "-but I just... Isn't it confusing?"

Rick stayed silent a second, eyes smoothing along your face. Just looking, like maybe he thought you were beautiful (just like you did on that day), or maybe like he never wanted to forget what you looked like.

"No."

You pressed your lips together.

"Don't get me wrong," he clarified with a smile, "-I hated ya once, a long time ago. But 'is? Now? It makes sense."

You asked before you could think about it, "What is 'this'?"

He just stared at you a second, something flickering through his eyes, careful and considerate. Something warm. The warmth you kept seeing now, the one you tried to avoid.

"You," he answered, vaguely, "-Us."

"What does that mean?" you asked, your confusion was ever-so-clear. This was all things you didn't understand.

He didn't say anything, as you stared out into the streets -watching some of the porch lights flicker. The night sky was still dark, so you weren't really worried about the hour.

And then, you felt calloused fingers on your chin -guiding you back to his eyes. The thoughts cleared out of your head.

"Y/N, you drive me fuckin' crazy," he laughed a little, and you felt your eyebrows furrow, "-not just in a frustratin' sorta way. You... I worry about ya like crazy, I think of ya like crazy... I care 'bout ya like crazy-"

Your heart skipped a beat.

"-an' I... I love ya like crazy."

Your lips felt stitched shut, as he just smiled at you -something in his eyes that you could see now. You could identify.

"Ya poke and prod at me until I'm reelin', yeah, but-" he pressed his lips together, eyes shimmering across your face, "-I wouldn't 'ave it any other fuckin' way. An' I mean 'at. I just... I'm not me without ya annoyin' the shit out of me. Without ya callin' me out on my shit."

You laughed, something burning the backs of your eyes, "I am the only one who would do that, huh?"

"Ya are," he grinned at you, and you felt something in your chest squeeze tight.

It felt clear then, abundantly clear.

"I love you too, Grimes."

He grinned, the big kind that crinkled at the eyes, "Thought so."

You rolled your eyes, with no bite, "Oh shut up, sheriff. I could still kick your ass, and you would deserve it."

He laughed, the genuine kind -hand coming to cradle your cheek, "Still, don't doubt it, sweetheart."

You smiled, and noticed just how close the two of you were. He only seemed to be roaming closer, and it made your heartbeat pick up in your chest a little. Before you could stop it, your eyes dipped down to his lips.

He grinned again, the kind that rattle down to your core, all handsome and shiny white teeth. And then, he started moving closer, his own eyes dipping to your lips.

"Ya kno', I can think of a way to get me to shut up."

"Can you?" you teased, quiet between the two of you.

He just hummed, distracted. It made something in your stomach stir.

"I am pretty desperate for you to," you remarked -playfully.

Rick busted into laughter, a loud kind that you barely ever heard from him. It made something in your chest shimmer, proud. You kind of wanted to hear that forever. And now, maybe you could.

The thought made you grin, as you leaned forward, impatiently, and connected your lips to his. It was just a press of lips, but you did feel him lean into it. Before you could get far, he laughed even more, breaking off the kiss, and it made you laugh.

"'Course ya can't wait for one second," he chuckled -playfully, "-You've always been so damn impatient."

"Oh, fuck you, Grimes," you laughed into the night, "-You're lucky I don't-"

And this time, he shut you up.

[anonymousewrites]

Nature of the Human Soul (Book 1) Chapter Four

Platonic! Hazbin Hotel x Teen! Reader

Father Figure! Alastor x Teen! Reader

Chapter Four: New Hotel Guest

Summary: An unusual demon decides to come to the Hotel.

            Charlie, having spent the afternoon trying to get people to come to the hotel, crashed onto the couch of the lobby. She literally couldn’t go on after such a disappointing experience.

            “So, how’d it go?” said Angel.

            Vaggie sighed. “Not a single new recruit.”

            “Yeah. Well, who would want to use their last days not fucking and fighting?” said Angel.

            Something banged on the front door, and everyone paused to glance at it. Vaggie approached and opened it. Sir Pentious stood outside with his hat in his hands and an awkward smile.

            “Why, hello, my dear—Wait, wait, wait!” Pentious backed up as Vaggie whipped out her spear to point at him. “I come in peace!”

            “What are you doing here?!” snapped Vaggie.

            “Vaggie, what’s the problem?” sighed Charlie, dragging herself to the door. She gasped as she saw Pentious. “Oh, hello again!”

            “I didn’t come looking for a fight!” said Pentious instantly. “I, uh, I heard that you’re helping people. People who want to be better?”

            “You heard right!” said Charlie excitedly. “Welcome to our home of healing. Our resort of restoration. Our—”

            “Are you fucking nuts?” Angel blocked the entrance of the hotel before Charlie could bring Pentious inside. “That chump was trying to kill us, like, literally six hours ago. And now you want to bring him in here to live with us?!”

            “Absolutely!” said Charlie. “This place is about second chances! And who deserves one more than this…slithery…slippery…special little man.”

            “Do you want to rephrase that and make him sound any less suspicious?” said (Y/N), narrowing their eyes as they looked at Pentious.

            “He’s fine,” said Charlie brightly.

            (Y/N) looked at Vaggie. “Can’t you throw him out or something? Protect the hotel?”

            Charlie gave Vaggie puppy-eyes before Vaggie could say no. She sighed. “I…guess he’s not much of a threat without the war machine. Or even with the war machine.”

            Pentious deflated at not being thought a threat.

            “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” said Charlie, hugging Vaggie. “Sir Pentious, welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!”

            “Oh, no, darling, thank you!” said Pentious. “You won’t regret this.” He walked inside behind Charlie.

            Angel and (Y/N) narrowed his eyes.

            “I’m going to kill him if he tries anything,” muttered (Y/N).

            “Charlie won’t like that.” Angel looked at them. “And can you even control your abilities?”

            “I don’t need magic. I’d be angry enough,” said (Y/N).

            “Fair enough,” said Angel. “I give him a week tops.”

            “So, this is the bar and the bartender,” said Charlie, bringing Pentious into the lobby. “This is the curtain, and this is the new wall after you break the last one, heh, and, oh, this, this is—”

            “Babe, you don’t have to show him every detail,” said Vaggie.

            “Sorry, I’m just so excited to have our first real guest!” said Charlie.

            “Uh, what the hell are (Y/N) and I then?” said Angel, crossing his arms.

            “Well, you’re an important part of our family here, Angel,” said Charlie, smiling. “But you, um, uh…”

            “Constantly make us look bad, sexually harass the staff, and have literally never once tried to improve?” suggested Vaggie.

            “I haven’t done any of that,” said (Y/N).

            “You don’t care about what you did in life,” said Vaggie, putting her hands on her hips.

            “Doesn’t mean I don’t support you,” said (Y/N).

            “And you just agreed to let Alastor teach you to use magic,” said Vaggie.

            “Personally, I think that’s a great idea for myself,” said (Y/N), smiling.

            Vaggie groaned.

            “What she means is, it’s just nice to have someone more actively interested for once,” said Charlie with a smile.

            Angel’s smile fell, and (Y/N) frowned. They hadn’t done anything bad since arriving in Hell. And, yes, they weren’t sure about how this experiment would work, but if anyone could do it, (Y/N) thought Charlie could help people. That had to count for something.

            …Alright, maybe (Y/N) could be doing more, but in their defense, (Y/N) never got to have any fun in life, so they were just trying to enjoy themself in death.

            “Over here we have our maid, Niffty,” said Charlie.

            “The bad boy is back!” said Niffty, running up to Pentious. She jumped onto him and grabbed the lapels of his shirt. “Never leave me again.”

            “We’re about eighty percent sure she’s harmless,” said Charlie, laughing nervously. “And over here we have—Oh, uh, Alastor!” The Radio Demon had come to the lobby. “—Our gracious Facility Manager.” Charlie cleared her throat. “You’ve met our newest guest, Sir Pentious…”

            “Ah, yes. You’re the one who ruined my coat.” Alastor’s grin sharpened. I definitely remember you now.”

            Charlie interceded before any violence could occur. “Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson.” She cleared her throat. “ ‘How to apologize.’ ” She smiled at Pentious. “The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong. Why don’t you give it a try?”

            This is gonna be good, thought (Y/N).

            “Yes, um…Mr. Um, Radio Demon, sir, please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat…” Pentious smiled nervously and held up a small scrap of cloth. “Um, here.”

            Alastor took the scrap. “Oh-ho, not many people have been able to take even this much off me. It must have meant quite a lot to you.” Green flames ate up the cloth while everyone stared. Alastor grinned.

            Charlie decided to call a hotel meeting before anything else could go astray with the new addition to the guests.

            “Now, with a new resident, I think it’s important we all get to know each other, so we are going to play a little game,” said Charlie. “Everyone, follow me! My name is Charlie.” She clapped twice. “I like to sing.” Two claps. “And when we get to know each other, it’s the greatest thing.” Two claps. Charlie smiled and gestured to Pentious.

            “My name’s Sir Pentious,” said Pentious. He clapped awkwardly. “I like to build.” Two claps. “And despite my stupid Egg Bois, I think I’m very skilled.” He clapped.

            Charlie gestured at Angel, and he deadpanned. “This is stupid.”

            “This is not stupid, it’s just the game,” said Charlie, clapping and singing. “Sir Pentious did it well, so now please try to do the same.”

            “I am too sober for this,” said Angel.

            “I can’t make up a rhyme on the spot,” said (Y/N). They attempted a welcoming smile to make Charlie happy. “But I’m (Y/N).”

            In Charlie’s next attempt at bonding, she put together a skit for Angel and Pentious to perform. It was, of course, cheesy.

            “ ‘Oh, I’m a bad man on the streets who never got enough hugs,’ ” said Angel. “ ‘Now, where’s an innocent kid I can sell crack to?’ Wow, who wrote this?”

            “It’s great, right?! Keep going,” said Charlie excitedly.

            “ ‘Hey, you!’ ” said Angel to Pentious, dressed as a stereotypical kid.

            “Who, me?” said Pentious, licking a lollipop.

            “ ‘Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some devil’s dandruff,’ ” said Angel, deadpan. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

            “Not me, I have to go home and study,” said Pentious proudly.

            “ ‘Come on, kid. It’ll make you cool like me. The crack head,’ ” said Angel.

            “The only cool thing here is to say no to drugs,” said Pentious. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage.”

            “Oh, bravo, bravo!” said Charlie, clapping. “Wow, Pentious, at this rate you’ll be redeemed in no time.”

            I don’t think we have this to a science, thought (Y/N).

            “I…I’m going to bed,” said Angel suddenly, walking away.

            “I am so proud of you, Sir Pentious,” said Charlie. “That was amazing!”

            “Thank you,” said Pentious.

            Angel’s face fell, and he took his leave before his disappointment grew. He wasn’t working as hard as Pentious, and while he was being redeemed, Charlie was leaving Angel behind.

            (Y/N) watched him go and frowned. Hopefully, he’d feel better soon.

            “(Y/N),” said Alastor.

            “Yeah?” said (Y/N).

            “I believe we should begin your training,” said Alastor. His grin widened. “This will be quite entertaining.”

            (Y/N) had a feeling that meant just for him, but, hey, they were willing to do what it took to get stronger. (Y/N) needed to be strong.

l

            “Focus,” said Alastor.

            (Y/N) narrowed their eyes on the roses growing in front of them. “It’s kind of hard with you interrupting me.”

            Alastor waved his staff, and recordings of various broadcasts played around him. “Hell is the land of interruptions and distractions. You must be able to work through everything if you are to have skill.”

            (Y/N) bit their lip and opted to focus on the plants. Alastor was right. They couldn’t argue with him; they needed to get stronger. Hell wasn’t going to be kind to them. It was up to them to grow strong enough to protect themself.

            Alastor watched their roses grow and the briars twist into thorny traps. He wasn’t ordinarily the type to teach or to help anyone, but this could prove useful. After seven years, times had changed in Hell. Alastor needed to ensure his power was recuperated and held onto, so if this young, naïve demon could prove powerful and teachable (manipulatable), then Alastor would “help” them. Then, they could help him.

l

            (Y/N) had crashed into their bed after training with Alastor. It had been exhausting, but (Y/N) had started to be able to summon their magic, which appeared to take the form of plants—roses and briars. No matter how tired they were, getting stronger was worth it.

            “You slippery little shit!”

            A shout from Angel woke (Y/N) up, and they rolled out of bed quickly. Moving into the hall, they saw Angel glaring at Pentious as he cowered nervously.

            “You’re working for the Vees?!” snapped Angel. “I fucking knew there was something shitty about you!”

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” denied Pentious. “Whorebug!” He hissed out the word, and Angel tackled him in anger.

            “Whoa, Angel!” said (Y/N), reaching out a hand.

            Vines split the ground, grabbed Pentious and Angel, and dragged them apart before they could do any more damage to one another.

            “What’s going on?” said Charlie, yawning as she appeared behind them.

            “This little bitch is a traitor!” said Angel.

            “Preposterous!” said Pentious. “I would never betray you. You…are my best friends.”

            “Explain the camera you brought in,” hissed (Y/N), glaring and gesturing to Angel, who, equally pissed, picked up the tech in question.

            Charlie and Vaggie gasped, and Pentious flinched.

            “Ah! Abort, abort!” he cried, slithering towards the window. “SOS! Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!” He looked at his wrist, revealing a watch with Vox’s face on it.

            “Pentious? Wait, you were caught?” said Vox. He laughed. “It hasn’t even been a day!”

            “Please, you’ve got to get me out of here,” said Pentious.

            “I can’t believe we thought you could handle even something this simple,” said Vox. “Do us a favor, if they don’t kill you, go ahead and do it yourself, you miserable failure.”

            Pentious stared at the watch, tears collecting in his eyes. “I…I…” He threw the watch to the ground and faced the group. “Just make it quicky, I guess.” He sniffled, stifling his sobs. “Not that I deserve it.” He curled up on the ground.

            “Gladly,” said Vaggie, hoisting her spear.

            “Wait.” Charlie pushed the spear back. “Pentious?” She extended a hand. Pentious looked at her questioningly.

(Charlie) “It starts with sorry.”

            She helped Pentious stand.

(Charlie) “That’s your foot, in the door. One simple sorry, Spoken straight from your core.”

            She touched his chest, and Pentious’s eyes widened.

(Charlie) “The path to forgiveness, Is a twisting trail of hearts, But sorry is where it starts.”

            Pentious stared at her, tears still in his eyes.

(Pentious) “Who could forgive a dirtbag like me, I don’t deserve your amnesty.” (Vaggie, Angel, (Y/N)) “Can’t we just kill him?! Shoot him and spill his blood?”

            Vaggie held her spear tightly, Angel pulled out guns, and (Y/N)’s vines reacted to their emotions.

(Charlie) “That’s an option you could choose.” (Vaggie, Angel, (Y/N)) “Works for us.” (Charlie) “But who hasn’t been in his shoes?”

            She smiled at Pentious, stepped past the group trying to attack, and extended a hand to him.

(Charlie) “It starts with sorry.”

            Pentious took her hand.

(Pentious) “Sorry.” (Charlie) “Dig down deeper and say, One sincere sorry.”

            Pentious looked at Angel, Vaggie, and (Y/N) earnestly.

(Pentious) “I’m so sorry!” (Charlie) “And your journey’s underway.” (Charlie, Pentious) “It’ll take time to cover. Your/my vast multitude of sins, But sorry is where it begins, It starts with sorry.”

            The song ended, and Charlie and Pentious smiled at each other. (Y/N) tilted their head. It actually seemed like Pentious was being honest. He was…changing.

            “I hated that song!” said Niffty, breaking the moment. “Why are you so lame?” She kicked Pentious’s tail. “Not a bad boy.”

            “Good first day,” said Charlie, still smiling gently. “Let’s get some rest.”

            She walked out of the room, Vaggie by her side. Angel gave a final glare at Pentious but walked out. (Y/N) followed but kept their eyes on Pentious.

            Can people actually change? (Y/N) hadn’t seen that in their life. But…maybe they just hadn’t seen the right people…

Taglist:

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@lanxianschoenheit

[neerons]

Some of Nokto Klein’s best quotes

“You smell so good, as usual. Good enough to eat.” (—Nokto’s thoughts about Emma)

“I wanted to take her back to my room right then and there and slowly, leisurely lavish her with pleasure until she lay exhausted in my bed (...)”  (—Nokto’s thoughts about Emma)

“Don't you think you ought to get some sort of reward for all that pain?” (—Nokto to Licht)

“A long, long time ago, you protected me. Don't you think it's my turn to protect you now?” (—Nokto to Licht)

“I already knew this about me, but... you're quite the schemer too, aren't you?”

"You really think it's fine to be brutally honest about everything and anything, don't you?"

“Deciphering cryptograms is outside my realm of expertise. That guy has absolutely terrible handwriting. It's so bad that he can't even read it himself once he's written it.” (—Nokto talking about Clavis to Emma)

“Oh it’s nothing. My only regret is that I didn’t sock the man.” (—Nokto talking about a random man to Emma)

"I love you. I want to hug you, and kiss you, and ruin you in bed."

"(...) I think your strong point is how short you are, Evie. (...) It's touching to think that you're still expecting a growth spurt, despite being older than me." (—Nokto to Yves)

"You've been avoiding Licht, right? He's really down in the dumps about it, you know. You're not trying to friendzone him, are you?" (—Nokto to Emma in Licht’s story event)

"Not only is she quite the bookworm, she also used to work at a bookstore. I'm willing to bet that you'll never even read half the titles that she has. You couldn't ever keep up with her." (—Nokto talking about Emma to a random man)

“You're so pretty, but you ruin it by pulling those grumpy faces all the time.”

"Well, I guess that explains why a woman as pretty as you is still single."

"You know, I think I like this whole waking up with you at my side thing."

"I happened to be talking to Licht, and he asked me about it, so I did a little investigating. Just because." (—Nokto talking about doing Licht a favor to Leon and Emma)

"And here I was, hoping for a chance to experience the famous Belle slap that so impressed Sariel."

"Hey, what would you do if both Licht and I tried to court you at the same time? Who would you choose?"

"I'll stay close to you and make sure you don't get involved with any bad guys. As bad guy number one, I know all the signs, after all."

"Emma is more precious to me than anything else in the world, and I love her from the bottom of my heart." (—Nokto's thoughts)

"Given the situation, I'm at a loss, really. I can't decide whether I want Emma or the throne." (—Nokto to Sariel)

"I mean, you not only waited for me, you readied a place for me to come home to. You're the perfect woman for me."

"(...) There you were, looking like you were having far more fun with my brothers than you've had with me in ages— When for me, nobody satisfies this loneliness but you."

"It's a fresh look for you. I like it. And you did it so beautifully, too. (...) King Highness? How did he end up doing that?" (—Nokto complimenting Emma's hairstyle done by Chevalier, in Chevalier's route)

"I’m not sure if you realize, but Licht is totally stone-faced whenever you’re not around." (—Nokto in Licht’s event story)

"As far as I'm concerned, we could just forget about going outside and jump into bed right now. But I know how much you want to go to the carnival. We've come all the way here, so why don't we have some fun?"

"Saying such sweet things, and in such a sexy outfit too... how could I not want you?"

"Sorry to interrupt, but you might want to close your eyes for a second. (…) Of course I saw it coming. That’s why I didn’t warn you. (…) See, this is the best part about coming to the beach. Here you are, dripping wet and sexier than ever, and there’s nothing to stop us from doing this. (…) You look absolutely ravishing." (—Nokto hiding an upcoming ocean wave from Emma)

"I have to make sure I treat you right. Otherwise, you might leave me for someone else."

"(…) You always look gorgeous, but tonight… you’re utterly irresistible. I want to take my time, slowly ravishing every inch of you."

"I used to draw with Licht a lot when we were younger, but when we sat next to each other, it was annoying that we'd bump hands a lot. I thought everything would be resolved if I drew with my left hand. So after that, I made my left hand my dominant hand."

"I keep a closer eye on you than you realize, sweetheart. And you're my lovely fiancee now. Of course I'm going to know everything going on with you. You're the most beautiful woman to ever grace this palace, you know that?"

"I can do so many more dance moves now that I'm stronger, and I can also punch out anyone who tries to harm you."

"I know you don't want to hear this from me, Emma, but you have terrible luck with men."

"Still... Nervous or blushing, you're gorgeous either way. Just act like you normally do. Just be your usual, hardworking, clever, sexy self."

"Whaaat? That's not fair. I want a massage, too." (—Nokto being jealous of Emma only massaging Licht)

"I couldn't ruin your beautiful hair like that." (—Nokto refusing to cut Emma's hair)

"You don't look sick, though. Your skin's glowing, your lips are plump... Ah, what a fine dish you make. You don't need a snack; you ARE the snack."

"You don't mince words, do you? Damn, that was one insult after another, and—ahahaha!" (—Nokto laughing out loud as Emma insults Silvio behind his back)

[invertedheaven]

If You Really Love Nothing

chapter 1: easier said than done

chapter index | next chapter

“I fucked up satoru” you said with a mouthful of cereal that you helped yourself to the second you stepped into gojos house because you were finally not nauseous

He looked up at you from over his phone, he never hears you admit you’re wrong in any form so this was interesting to him “hmmm how so?”

“Im pregnant” your heartbeat was so loud in your ears you weren’t even sure you said it loud enough and you refused to look at him to see if he heard you

And while he assumed it was bad he didn’t assume this bad… “do you know whose it is?”

“….sukunas” you squeeze your eyes shut as if it would spare you from the judgement in his eyes

His eyes widen “Didnt you guys break up? Didnt he move away not even like three months ago?”

“He was in town again a few weeks ago… almost two months after we broke up and he found me, we went out to eat and well, it was our last night together I was stupid” you exhale before continuing “but I took plan b as soon as possible the next day I thought it would’ve worked…”

Gojo swallowed before speaking because this is something he’d expect from probably anyone but you “I gotta say, sleeping with him even after he broke up with you a week after your birthday… to each their own I guess”

You feel like you’re about to burst into tears because you know gojos right and you hate that, this could’ve been avoided if you’d just had some pride

Noticing your silence he spoke up again “do you want to keep it?”

And finally the tears started flowing and he immediately regretted asking

You did want to keep it, you had always wanted to be a mother, and you loved sukuna so much you wanted it to be with him, but that felt like a selfish reason to want a baby and yet an even bigger part of you felt like you wanted this baby no matter what but financially you knew it wasn’t possible, and you couldn’t do that to a child.

“I’ll be honest satoru, I do. I really do want to but financially it wouldn’t be feasible and I don’t think its fair to raise a child knowing that and on top of that they wont have both their parents, its an awful experience… I dont want that kind of childhood for my baby” you finally make eye contact with him and he’s staring at you with such pity because he knows your childhood and the pity he’s showing almost makes you mad.

Until you hear footsteps running down the stairs already knowing who it was you wiped the tears from your face before you turn around and smile as brightly as you can “hi gumi, how are you today?” As he comes up to you to give you a hug, satoru rolls his eyes “you’re the only person he ever greets enthusiastically”. You find this hilarious because if you looked at it any other way you’d think megumi was being held at gunpoint to say hi to you, but you suppose even if he’s not smiling just the fact that he’s willingly saying hi with a hug was enough proof.

You laugh before you speak “no need to be so happy about that satoru”

Megumi goes to the fridge to get a snack and then runs back upstairs, you find your stare lingering on the fridge, a picture that gojo definitely forced megumi to take with him hung up on the door with a silly magnet and the smile you were wearing quickly turned to a frown. While gojo watched you closely he came up with what he thought was a genius idea:

“Move in with me” he smiles

You tear your stare away from the fridge and instead look at him with a bewildered look, clearly too shocked to say anything

“Think about it… megumi doesn’t hate you, you could raise the baby without any distractions, and I would love to have just one adult around here if I have to deal with his preteen attitude alone for one more day im gonna lose my mind” he pauses letting the thought sit then continued “the baby wouldn’t grow up in the most conventional house, but it could work megumi needs someone who isn’t me around anyways, he doesn’t seem entirely emotionally adjusted…”

That earns a laugh from you because if gojo was calling someone unadjusted then thats saying something

“I wouldn’t be the stepfather if thats what you’re worried about, im too cool to be a dad I’d be like the fun uncle plus I have my hands full attempting parenting with megumi”

You finally break the silence “financially I can’t do that to you satoru… thats too much and while I want to say yes, it doesn’t seem too thought out either”

“But what is there to think about? you already spend all your time here and face it, all our friends moved away…” and his cheerful attitude quickly changed to something more solemn than you’re used to coming from gojo “I don’t have suguru anymore and you don’t have sukuna, I don’t really like how lonely it feels” he almost mumbles

You never thought you’d see the day where you felt understood by satoru of all people but he was right, it was lonely and sad, you hated it more than anything

He spoke up again “And about the money? Are you choosing to forget that I’m just waiting for my old man to kick the bucket so I can be CEO of the company or is that not important enough to remember?” He says with a smug look that you want to slap off of him “I have more money then I know what to do with right now, so why don’t you let me help you and you can help me too”

He says your name so quietly you almost don’t hear it with how loud your thoughts are and you turn you head slightly to look back at him he has his arm reaching across to you, asking you to shake on it

This seemed too good to be true, something out of a movie or a tv show, this probably wouldn’t end well either and yet you want to say yes more than anything

“Are you sure satoru? Not a lot of guys would be willing to financially support someone else’s kid and their mom” and at that moment megumi came back down the stairs again getting a water bottle instead, now staring at gojos stretched out hand suspiciously before speaking “whatever he’s trying to get you to do, don’t do it” as he went back upstairs you looked back at gojo who had a look on his face that you would say puts the word “annoyed” to shame

“What was that about other peoples kids?” Gojo responded to your earlier question before he was rudely interrupted by megumi

You bite back a smile before reaching over and shaking his hand “fine, but Im working as long as I can before it becomes too much and… thank you satoru”

————

Thats how you find yourself here, three years later washing the dishes from the lunch you had made for you and your daughter, Airi. Satoru had taken her with him to the store, which she loves to do because she’s learned satoru will literally buy her anything she asks for without even asking you, but you guess its okay since this seems like a nice problem to have.

Once you finish the dishes you moved onto wiping the counter before you hear megumi come home, he’s 14 now and you feel so proud of the teen he’s become yes he’s a little temperamental but he’s a good kid nonetheless. You notice there’s another voice you don’t recognize completely forgetting he told you he was bringing his friend by later and as you round the doorway of the kitchen you stop in your tracks because you’re met with a kid who looks a little too much like sukuna and your daughter. Their family genes were too strong with some weird type of blonde that it was basically pink and you’d never seen anyone else with it. The only thing is that yuji had a different face shape and eyes, it felt like you saw a ghost and you’re sure megumi could see it too so he finally spoke up

“This is itadori yuji he’s the friend I mentioned earlier, you said it was okay for him to come by” he still waits for your face to change from one of shock

“Um yeah, no thats fine hello yuji its nice to meet you” you offer a smile and a handshake and you tell him your name

His eyes widen slightly at that but he doesn’t express any thoughts that he knows you otherwise, he thinks the world can’t be that small… right?

He greets you back as well as returning your handshake before they enter the house more and meanwhile you finally snap out of it you run to the kitchen taking your daughters pictures off the fridge and putting them in your pocket before calling megumi over, and yuji follows

Hiding the nerves in your voice you speak up “So! Yuji tell me about yourself, id love to hear more about our megumis friend” to which megumi groans at the question

Yuji laughs at the “our megumi” and he wonders what your relation to megumi is because you’re too young to be his mom yet you look nothing like him so sibling is out of the picture maybe stepmom would be most likely, “well I just moved out here at the beginning of the school year, I used to live a few hours out, but my grandpa recently passed away so im living with my older brother now”

Everything lines up too much and now you’re uncontrollably shaking this kid really shares a lot huh? “Ahhh okay I see, thats nice is he your only sibling?”

“Yeah but its weird he was staying with a family friend to attend school so he lived out here for a few years but almost 4 years ago he came home still didn’t see him much though… but a few months ago he moved back here and well now im stuck with him” yuji says casually like he didn’t just reveal your daughters dad is back and he doesn’t even know she exists

Trying to change the subject you start “I always wondered what it was like to have siblings, I think satoru is the closest I’ll get” before yuji can question who satoru is megumi cuts in “why’d you bring him up we were having a decent conversation” to which you laugh because nothing puts megumi in a worse mood than satoru talk

“Wow fushiguro you said you drew but I didnt think you’d be that bad” as yuji points to one of the drawings airi made on the fridge you didn’t think he’d even notice that and now you’re freaking out trying to think

Megumi starts to speak up “hey, that is not mine thats her-“

You cut him off before he can speak anymore “Its my niece! My bestfriend had a kid and I help babysit her she’s the sweetest” you say staring at megumi hoping he notices the frantic look in your eyes while yuji observes the drawing up close but all he does is stare at you utterly confused as to why you’re clearly lying

Yuji finally responds “ah that explains the toys in the living room” and it makes you very nauseous just thinking about how observant this kid is and he’s so honest about it too…

You clear your throat “megumi can you help me bring in the stuff I left in my car yesterday? Sorry I was waiting for satoru but if you’re here” you apologize to yuji as you practically pull megumi out the front door and to the drive way

he doesn’t waste a minute in speaking “why did you lie about airi?”

You take a deep breathe before speaking “look, I’m 99% sure that yuujis brother is Airis dad his name is ryomen sukuna… he would mention having a brother named yuji and that he had a sick grandfather. I also know when he was living out here during our last year of high school he wasn’t living with family, the last time I saw him was pretty much 4 years ago before he left again and most importantly sukuna doesn’t know about airi…” you start again before he has the chance to bring it up “they don’t have the same last name because sukuna uses their moms name”

Megumis eyes widen for two reasons, how’d you know he’d ask that? and also because he just assumed Airis dad sucked not that he didn’t even know she existed “why haven’t you told him about her?”

“Its complicated but to put it simply he blocked me on everything, I couldn’t contact him even if I wanted to and that was when I was pregnant so imagine trying to contact him now… and yuji cannot know because he’ll tell sukuna or he’ll have to hide it which is even worse” you put your face in your hands trying to keep the tears in

Although megumi doesn’t understand why you don’t just tell sukuna he finds its not his business, he also respects you too much to question you and although he probably wouldn’t say it out loud he loved airi and considered her as his sister so if it meant helping you out he’d keep his mouth shut “okay, I understand, yuji can’t find out” and against his will you pull him into a hug and thanked him a million times

He headed back inside and the second the door shut you pulled out your phone to call satoru, after what felt like forever he finally picked up the phone but you’re instead met with your daughters voice “hi mommy!!!” And for a second you forget the reason you’re calling wondering how she knew it was you “hi my baby, can you please put ‘toru on the phone?” she doesn’t respond but you can hear her tell satoru you want to talk to him

And the next voice you hear is the man you hope has a solution “Hello?”

“Satoru, i have a problem”

[suzukiblu]

Day ten of fic NaNoWriMo, obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon AU.

The waitress comes over with another steaming mug of hot chocolate for Kon and Tim awkwardly orders not-Robin's-coffee-order, which since he's panicking he defaults to Caroline Hill's usual for. She's a med student, she drinks enough caffeine for his tastes. And also she likes extremely sugary drinks, which is definitely to his taste. 

Look, Robin can't drink an iced brown sugar oat milk espresso with six extra pumps of syrup and four extra shots of espresso, especially in front of the exact teammate who would tease him the most mercilessly for having a finicky drink order, but Caroline Hill can drink anything she wants, and Tim Drake is just gonna be channeling her for this conversation, he guesses. Her Twitter account already got him here to begin with, so he might as well.

“That is a concerning amount of caffeine in one drink, dude,” Kon observes with a raised eyebrow instead of teasing him over either the syrup or oat milk, which is not actually what Tim expected to hear. But, well, he's not Robin right now, so maybe Kon isn't feeling the same urge to start shit that he usually seems to. 

Tim's not sure how to feel about that. But Robin is, technically, an “authority” figure and a fellow superhero, and Tim Drake is just some guy, so . . . 

Actually, Tim doesn't really know how Kon gets along with civilian guys. He's seen him flirt up plenty of civilian girls, obviously, but he doesn't really seem to talk to all that many guys. Like . . . ever, actually. 

Weird, he thinks, repressing a frown. 

“How would you know, you're Kryptonian,” he says. 

“Half-Kryptonian,” Kon says, then waves a hand around the café. “And like, you know, also this entire planet is full of people who can just tell me these things. Five thousand milligrams is the minimum lethal dose of caffeine for a healthy adult, which is something like seventy-five shots of espresso, but more than four or five shots in a day is still not gonna be great for you, and you just ordered six.”

“. . . how the hell do you just know that off the top of your head?” Tim asks, blinking at him in absolute bewilderment, and Kon smirks in smug amusement.

“Dude, I was programmed by exhausted grad students pulling six months straight of all-nighters,” he says, pointing at his own temple. “I know every possible thing there is to know about every possible caffeine delivery system. Including the illegal ones and the ones the government hasn't yet realized should be illegal.” 

“Huh,” Tim says, still more than a little bewildered. That does make sense, he guesses, but since Kon's already told the team he has absolutely no useful background in any kind of science or math past the absolute kiddie-level basics when they were all exchanging information about all their personal training and experience, it's still a surprise to hear. Shouldn't Cadmus have prioritized an actual education over things like safe caffeine intake for baseline humans, especially since Kon's safe intake level is probably different from a baseline human's anyway? Which–well, he guesses Kon did get cracked out of his cloning tube early, but still. They at least should've been building up the basics for him. Like–more than the kiddie-level basics, he means. 

Cadmus is definitely not capable enough to be in charge of Kon. Like, at all. Ever. Tim has fewer and fewer regrets about this whole plan every minute, in fact. If anything, he should've started drafting it the day he met Rex Leech, never mind the fact that Kon hadn't technically existed yet at the time. Or after the Poison Ivy incident, maybe. At the least he should've done up an outline or two after he and Kon and Bart had helped Suzie escape recapture and then collectively lied to the government about it.

“You work for those guys, right?” he “asks” as Kon takes a sip of his new hot chocolate, because while the best time to start this whole plan was months ago, the second-best time to start it is now. “Project Cadmus?” 

"Yeah," Kon replies, looking a little surprised by the question. Tim reminds himself to con the team into brushing up on the superhero version of stranger danger, because Kon answered that question way too easily. "Well, just started to. I'm a field agent. How'd you know?” 

"I've done some research on you since we first met," Tim says, which isn't even a lie; just some careful phrasing. "I really appreciated what you did for me. And to be honest, I think we'd get along."

"Oh yeah? Tell me all about it," Kon says as his posture shifts a little and he flashes him the kind of smirk he normally reserves for, well . . . 

Huh, Tim thinks in vague bemusement.

Kon's flirting with him. 

. . . huh. 

Not actually the angle Tim was intending to take here, but . . . well, he's not above taking it. And anyway, Kon's just a flirt in general, so it's not like it means anything. 

Admittedly Tim hasn't actually seen him flirt with a guy before, but presumably Kon's just feeling out an opportunity to experiment or not ready to be out to the team yet. Tim's not, so he'd hardly blame him for that. Tim's not even out to Steph.

And he's definitely, definitely not out to Bruce. 

Well, ideally he'll be a supervillain before that becomes necessary, assuming his life goes to plan. 

Robin was always going to be a temporary gig, after all. 

"I don't know," he says, and lets the corners of his mouth curl up in amusement. "You just seem like my type of guy." 

"Your type of guy?" Kon says, his smirk widening as he leans in towards Tim, who decides to pretend that particular bit of flirtatious implication was actually intentional. Tim is . . . not all that great at flirting, admittedly, but it's not like Kon has particularly high standards past “didn't explicitly tell me to fuck off”, so Tim figures he'll be able to get by for long enough to have this conversation. 

Not much longer, but all the same. He has a plan to pitch, that's all that actually matters here. 

“Yeah,” he says. “And I wanted to thank you for saving me, so . . .” 

“You wanna thank me, Tim Drake?” Kon asks with a slower, wider smirk, leaning in a little more again, and Tim instantly turns bright red as he realizes how that actually sounded. 

Yeah, okay, he is actually the worst at flirting. Fuck. 

“Uh, yes!” he says quickly, very much needing to clarify that statement before his stupid fucking hormones try to talk him into maybe just . . . leaning into that particular miscommunication a little. Not the goal here. Definitely not. “I mean–being a field agent doesn't sound particularly lucrative? And I know being a superhero isn't.” 

“Lucrative?” Kon blinks, expression turning puzzled. “I mean, I guess not. I don't need that much money or anything, though, I just live at Cadmus these days.” 

“You live in a lab?” Tim says, letting himself sound as incredulously horrified as he felt the first time he heard that. “Why?” 

“I dunno, saves me a commute,” Kon replies with a shrug. “Also, like, it's not like I have a credit score to get my own place with. Or a legal identity. Or, you know, money. Landlords tend to want those.” 

“Hm,” Tim says. “Do you want one?” 

“Huh?” Kon wrinkles his nose in confusion. 

“Your own place,” Tim clarifies. “I really would like to thank you. I could help you get a place.” 

“Uh, thanks? But I still couldn't afford rent, even if somebody cosigned for me or whatever,” Kon says, looking puzzled. “I really don't make that much.”

“No, I mean I'd pay your rent,” Tim explains, which is in fact an insane person thing to offer somebody, admittedly, but it's not like Kon has all that reliable a grasp of normal social mores. “Or just buy you a place outright and pay your property taxes. Whichever you'd prefer.”

Kon blinks. Tilts his head. 

“So like, you're just a very extra dude, huh,” he says after a moment, his eyebrows slowly raising as he pushes his sunglasses up into his hair. “Like you're the guy who blows the budget on the friend group's Secret Santa out of the water every year.”

“Possibly,” Tim says, putting on a sheepish smile. Kon laughs and folds his arms on the table, looking amused. 

“You wanna buy me an apartment?” he asks. “What, just for saving your life?” 

“I really think you're undervaluing that particular achievement,” Tim says. 

“I think you're overvaluing it,” Kon replies with another laugh. “No offense, but I didn't do anything but block one lousy bullet.” 

“One lousy bullet is enough,” Tim says, and doesn't think of any bodies he's seen. Kon tilts his head again, then takes a sip of his hot chocolate. 

“Okay, fair,” he allows. “But I'm bulletproof.” 

“I'm not,” Tim says. 

“You were as long as I was touching the same floor as you,” Kon replies with a shrug, and takes another sip. “It wasn't like I did anything hard.” 

He hasn't actually said “no” to the apartment. Tim's pretty sure that's just because he thinks he's either ridiculous or just not being serious, but he's not above pressing the advantage anyway. 

“You didn't have to do anything at all, though,” he says. "And buying you a place wouldn't be all that hard for me either. Besides, you deserve a little gratitude for your efforts, don't you think?” 

"Sounds like supervillain talk, dude," Kon says, his mouth quirking in amusement around his next sip. Tim resolves to dial back on that at this point in his career. He's laying groundwork, yes, but subtlety is still the wiser course of action. 

"You say that like you've never socialized with a supervillain before," he counters dryly. 

"Well, usually ones who wear a bit less," Kon replies, lowering his mug to grin wickedly at him. Tim figures if a little more flirting might soften him up on this whole idea, well . . . 

It's not the most altruistic thing he's ever done for a plan, admittedly, but if it works, it works. 

"So you're telling me I should invest in a crop top before I try to take over the world and remake it in my own image?" he asks still more dryly as he raises an eyebrow at Kon with a little smirk, and Kon laughs and leans in a little closer again, giving him a not very subtle up-and-down with his eyes. 

"Only if you're trying to recruit me for your evil plans, pretty boy," he says, grin turning sharp. Tim feels vaguely faint, and also wants to lick the bastard's stupid perfect teeth. Jesus. "So I dunno, what are your feelings on Daisy Dukes?" 

"I'm going to be honest, I'm not actually that much of an exhibitionist so at this point we're just describing my ideal costume updates for you," Tim informs him. 

"Oh yeah?" Kon asks with another laugh even as he straightens back up to visibly preen at the suggestion. Tim is all for that, personally. Both the preening and the theoretical updates, in fact. And, a little more weirdly, just the idea of having anything whatsoever to do with what Kon might ever decide to wear. Especially whatever he might decide to wear for his costume. 

Yeah, that's probably a later thought, Tim decides. Like, a private-time kind of later thought. Specifically “behind locked doors in an empty house” private-time, actually.

"You're solar-powered, aren't you?" he says reasonably, because apparently he likes to suffer and also make himself low-key insane. "Showing a bit more skin can't hurt." 

"I wonder if Superman would buy that excuse," Kon says musingly. 

"Power Girl exists," Tim replies still more reasonably. "And Supergirl wears a miniskirt, last I checked." 

"Valid," Kon says, putting on a mock-thoughtful expression and tapping the side of his jaw. "Maybe I'll put in some cutouts and go for a lower neckline, tell the big guy he's making the rest of us look like prudes. What do you think, bikini or high-cut bottoms?"

"I don't know the difference," Tim lies, desperately trying not to overheat and die at that question and every single accompanying mental image that his useless brain has so helpfully decided to supply. "You'll have to provide examples."

"Will I now," Kon says, grinning all over again and pointedly striking a very suggestive pose in his seat. Tim valiantly struggles not to melt. "What, pretty boy, you want a fashion show?" 

"Well I did want to be a photographer when I was a kid," Tim says, although it was definitely never that kind of photography he had in mind. Kon laughs again and shifts in closer again, though, so it's worth it. Tim is mortified, but also undeniably into just . . . all of this, really, just everything about this conversation. Robin can't flirt with Superboy, but, well . . . Tim Drake still isn't Robin, now is he? 

He's probably taking advantage of the situation a little, Tim can admit to himself, but it's still just . . . nice. He's wanted to flirt with Kon for way too long, at this point. Indulging in a little bit of it isn't the worst thing he could do. 

And again, it's Kon, so it's not like it's serious or anything. The guy won't even remember this conversation tomorrow, much less anything about Tim Drake. 

. . . admittedly that'd be counterproductive to Tim's long-term goals here, but still. He's willing to take his time on this. There's a plan. It has steps. Layers. Processes. 

"I like you, man," Kon says with a wider grin, which is in absolutely no way whatsoever in the plan. "You're funny."

Tim stares blankly at him as it occurs to him, almost disbelievingly, that he might've . . . made a good impression on Kon? Somehow? 

Well, that's weird.

"I'll never get a fashion show out of you if I'm not at least funny," he says on autopilot, as someone who's been well-taught both when and how to press an advantage. Kon, yet again, grins at him, and gives him another much brighter laugh than usual. 

Actually, he kind of hasn't stopped grinning at him, has he. 

Huh. 

. . . huh. 

Tim really did not plan for this. This is just . . . not at all what the plan was. 

“Well, you definitely are funny,” Kon says, biting his lip around a warm little smile and ducking his head just enough to look at Tim from under his lashes, and Tim decides he can probably just amend the plan.

He's a Bat, isn't he? They know how to improvise when they have to.

[cryscendo]

for the kiss prompts, klaine and "kissing your lover to show you forgive them"? <3

omg i loved this prompt!!! it gave me a chance to write something a bit sweeter than i usually write so i hope you love it! idk how long a drabble is typically supposed to be, but im sure i exceeded that here whoops

Pairing: Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson

Word Count: 1152

Rating: G

if anyone would like to send me a prompt, check out the prompt list here!

fic can be read under the cut <3

Blaine still harbored a lot of guilt, Kurt knew. He wasn’t such a fool that he didn’t realize that the sudden proposal was Blaine’s effort to show how devoted he was. And Kurt really did believe him, regardless of how aloof he tried to appear to be at times.

Upon Blaine’s whirlwind proposal, the two of them hadn’t had much time to discuss anything between each other. They were busy having their attention pulled every which way by family and friends alike. And make no mistake — Kurt was grateful for it! He missed his friends dearly ever since moving to New York, and his family even more so. But Kurt was well aware, given their previous struggles with communication, that they would need to talk. It was an inevitability, really.

So that’s what eventually led them to the Hudson-Hummel household alone. “Carole and I are just gonna go see a movie. Maybe also get dinner or something. You boys don’t wait up,” his dad had said, but Kurt knew what he was really saying. The words hidden underneath sounded more like You and Blaine ought to talk about this. And like with most things, his father was right.

It was only seconds after the door closed behind his parents that Blaine started kissing him. And Kurt… he missed this. He really did. Kissing Blaine was something that he could never grow tired of, and after having gone so long without the contact, it felt like home. Sure, he had Adam for a time, and there was also Mr. Schue’s wedding, but those were so different. Kissing Blaine like this; it was with the knowledge that they belong to one another. More so now than ever before.

Which is why they needed to talk about this.

“I can’t believe we’re engaged,” Blaine muttered against Kurt’s mouth, quiet giddiness dripping from his lips and intoxicating Kurt like an aged wine. He couldn’t believe it either, honestly. He had the weight of it around his finger and still couldn’t believe it. He could stay kissing Blaine like this forever, just existing in this rush of gentle joy.

They needed to talk about this.

“It’s everything I ever wanted,” Blaine continued, carefully carding his fingers through Kurt’s hair. He leaned into Kurt, eager to experience closeness that he no doubt had been craving for so long since their break up. “You’re everything I ever wanted,” he whispered then and Kurt could easily see himself slipping into the fantasy that everything is perfect and there’s no loose ends. It was easy with Blaine. He was so charming and genuine, it was nearly second nature for him to cave beneath it.

They needed to talk about this.

“Blaine,” Kurt uttered finally, nudging Blaine away with a light press of his hand on Blaine’s chest. “Why did you do this?”

It’s not the words he meant to say, but they had already spilled out of his throat before he could even think about stopping them. Fine. He guessed his brain wasn’t going to be diplomatic about this.

Though, with the look of confusion that spread across Blaine’s features led him to somewhat regret speaking up. Blaine pulled away from Kurt, but kept his fingers nestled in Kurt’s hair. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why did you do this?” Kurt questioned, redirecting to the silver ring that wrapped around his finger.

This time, Blaine did let go of Kurt, his anxiety betraying him and fully replacing the happiness from earlier that evening. “Because I love you, Kurt. And it’s important to me that you know that,” Blaine said and it was so obscenely sincere that it tugged at Kurt’s heart. Then, Kurt watched as tension built inside Blaine as he spoke again. “Oh god, you’re not changing your mind, are you?”

“No, no, not at all!” Kurt reassured quickly. He took Blaine’s hand in both of his, holding them close to offer some sort of security and warmth. Blaine, Kurt has really begun to learn, is driven heavily by emotions. He needed to tread lightly. “This just all came very suddenly, that’s all. Blaine, I love you too, but if there’s something else going on, I need to know about it. No more secrets, right?”

It seemed like Kurt had said the right things, because Blaine nodded, and sag in his shoulders indicated that he was a bit more relaxed. He couldn’t really blame Blaine for being emotionally turbulent today; a lot has happened in the past few hours. “You’re right, no secrets,” he agreed and followed up with a soft sigh. Kurt held securely to his hand, silently encouraging Blaine to continue. After a brief moment of reticence, he spoke again. “I’m just so scared, Kurt. I messed this up once already, and I feel terrible everyday for it. I wanted to do this to show you that I’m really serious about us — about you. I never want to make you feel that way ever again. Cheating on you was by far the worst mistake of my life and I’ll regret it forever.”

Kurt listened quietly as Blaine poured his heart out. He had figured that it had something to do with their break up. It was too big of a roadblock to just ignore.

Keeping one hand holding Blaine’s, Kurt reached up with his other hand and played with one of the loose curls that had sprung free from Blaine’s hair gel at some point throughout the day. “I think you should start forgiving yourself.”

The look of confusion returned to Blaine’s face. “But I-”

“I know what you did,” Kurt interrupted before Blaine could self-deprecate further. “And I also know that you apologized no less than eight-hundred times since it happened. I won’t lie, Blaine, it broke my heart when you cheated. But you’ve said you’re sorry, and I do believe you. We wouldn’t be here now if I didn’t.”

The hand that was toying with Blaine’s hair slid down to instead cradle his cheek. Blaine’s eyes were glassy, but under that, there was undeniable love and devotion. Blaine loved him so much; it was impossible to not see it.

With as much intention as he could hope to portray, Kurt pressed a kiss to Blaine’s lips. It was a simple kiss; chaste in comparison to many of the others that they had shared throughout their relationship. But there were words written all over the kiss — words that Kurt didn’t feel were necessary to verbalize, and could only hope that Blaine could feel them like a brand to his skin.

The peaceful sigh that Blaine released against his mouth was all the confirmation that Kurt needed.

Kurt allowed the kiss to linger for a few moments longer before pulling away slowly. His eyes met wet, brown ones that shimmered in pure adoration. “I have long since forgiven you, Blaine. It’s time that you start forgiving yourself.”

[words-of-wolf]

Content warning: this post contains mentions of wolves hunting other animals, and some thoughts on the subject. Nothing I'd consider graphic, but I know it can be sensitive for some folks so I thought I'd warn beforehand!

Hhh, it's a bit hard to know where to start with getting back into writing about my experiences.

It's not that I don't have anything to say - it's the opposite! There's so much I'd like to share. I've always loved talking about my experiences... maybe a bit self-indulgent, but I like to think it can help other folks too, and I've gotten many interesting conversations out of it in the past, so no regrets!

Can't imagine I'll be posting big things like this frequently, but I'll happily answer questions and chat too. ^u^

So... right now, what I've decided I'd like to write about is some of the, I guess kinda fundamental aspects of my identity as a wolf therian.

It's interesting in a way, because there are so many wolves around - there's a lot of people to compare experiences against! I guess, if you have a rare kintype, or a kintype that's varied enough that your individual variation of it is rare (like dragons) - it might be hard to imagine that a wolf would struggle to find other people they relate to. But then, well: there's me.

I don't think anyone's nonhuman experiences are wrong. I don't think anyones' are "superior" either; it's just about who you are as an individual, what feels right and comfortable to you. I just wanted to get that across! Cause what I'd like to talk about does involve some comparison between my feelings and the things I've seen expressed by other wolf therians, and I wouldn't want it to be read as me saying my way of being as any better than anyone elses' (it's not).

During my time in the kin and therian communities (which, I first encountered over ten years ago now, but my activity has been very on-and-off since I reached adulthood) I've met so, so many wolf therians. It's... hmm, complicated for me, in a way? Because I felt very isolated, especially when I was younger, and I felt like wolf therians were supposed to be "my people". But really, I could count on both hands how many wolves I've met that I really related to on any level.

And the reason for that is the same now as it's always been: for a lot of wolf therians, being a wolf seems to be a kind of violent, bloodthirsty identity. The "predator" feeling is strong; there's some affinity for the thrill of the kill, the violence of it all.

That's not a bad thing. It's not wrong! But my experience has been... very different from that.

My perception of wolfhood isn't really "red in tooth and claw" like that. It's more... simple. Not peaceful really - life as a wolf is full of trials and strife - but the violence never felt defining for me. In terms of personal importance, the feelings of wanting to hunt, to fight, to bite and maim... I'd be lying if I said they were entirely absent, but they were always tertiary to things that seemed far more present and central.

I think a big part of that is... well, for context, I believe my wolf identity is linked to a past life. Yeah, stereotypical, I know! But it's genuinely what I experience; I do remember that life, or at least aspects of it. And those memories influence a lot of my experiences in my current life as a wolf-person.

The thing that strikes me most when I compare my own perspective on wolfhood to the ideas often expressed by other wolf therians, is that to me, hunting wasn't violence. It couldn't be violence.

Why? Because I just plain didn't realise that the deer and other animals we killed were living things.

There was no... room to even consider that idea. I didn't know that the deer I drove to exhaustion felt pain and terror, same as I did. I just knew I was hungry and it was food.

It's a strange thing to consider, isn't it? People talk a lot about "what makes us human". I don't think there's any one thing that does. But if I were to point to one of the most jarring, and one of the most utterly sacred parts of being human to me, it would be the ability to connect emotionally with other species.

Humans are not unique for doing that. And maybe there's some animals a wolf could come to see as an individual, in the way I would've seen another wolf. But a deer would never be that. Which contrasts strangely with me, now, as a human: where I can love pigs, and care about their welfare and treatment, but still enjoy some bacon or a porkchop. That can conflict, sometimes, yeah - but from a wolf perspective, that would be incomprehensible. At least, from my experiences it would be.

And if you remove the idea of violence from hunting, suddenly a wolf's life doesn't seem very violent at all. The act of hunting and killing prey animals felt no more violent to me, than when I cook up a steak for myself now. To someone, that would be violent, but to me it's just a steak - y'know? I know the steak comes from a cow, but that fact brings me neither grief nor pleasure. It's just kinda how the world is and I'm mostly okay with that.

The act of hunting was, I'd say, something I enjoyed as a wolf. I loved the chase. It was fun. Taking down prey could be scary; even a deer is dangerous when cornered and desperate. But the thing with nature is that it makes what you have to do to survive feel desirable: so risking my life for a meal felt thrilling, in a way, and a full belly afterwards was satisfying, and comforting, and a relief from the usual gnaw of hunger.

Hunting's only a small part of being a wolf, though. Even setting aside all the attempted hunts that fall through before you even get into a full sprint.

A lot of wolf life focuses on territory. In some places, it's a very intense, almost war-like conflict; constant, bloody, often fatal. Not always, though. It depends a lot on the intensity of the ecosystem you live in: a place with lots of prey attracts lots of wolves, who then compete for access. If the prey's more spread out, the wolves are more spread out too... and an area of land feels less worth dying for when you've got so many others to search.

Me and my pack were one of the latter varieties. Territorial conflicts were rare, for us; I don't recall any specifically. We patrolled, we marked our space. Territorial disputes were something I was aware of, I think - if I saw a trespasser I certainly would've acted with aggression - but it just wasn't a common occurrence.

So my experience of being a wolf didn't feel like it was defined by violence much. It didn't feel bloody and raw. I could see myself in the image of a wolf that snarls, maybe, but moreso I see myself in the image of the wolf that sleeps, or - perhaps most of all - the wolf that wanders.

And that's what existence as a wolf was, and is for me! It's wandering. It is the neverending search. Even when you find what you need, the relief can't last long - you need to move on soon, you need to seek again soon, because it won't be long before your empty belly's gnawing at your insides again. It wasn't ever a life of violence, it was a life of travel, for the good and the bad of it: for the new sights and new smells and new opportunities; for the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the sore paws and aching muscles.

And the restlessness. The need to keep moving. Keep going. Keep searching, always searching.

But, of course, that's still not the centre piece of the puzzle. Because that could only ever, of course, be the pack.

This is something I'll probably dedicate time to writing about all on its own, because I have such deep feelings about "the pack" as a concept, and also about my pack, who I lived for in my last life.

But I will say that all of my deepest, most vivid, and most impactful memories... they're not of the hunt, they're not about territory or conflict or hunger. What I remember most richly is the love I felt for my pack. It's a feeling I can't quite find it in me to explain; sometimes I wonder if the reason I identify as loveless in this life, is simply because no love I've ever felt as a human could compare to what I felt as a wolf.

I think there's a kind of synergy between the simple mind of a wolf, and the feelings a wolf experiences: in the quiet of an animal's mind, emotions seem so much stronger, so much more vivid somehow. I feel that even now, when I have a mental shift, and the logic and reason falls away - all that's left is emotion and physical senses, and they paint a picture so, so bright.

And those past life memories that I hold dearest, they have a similar quality to them... to curl up with my family after a long day of travel. Or listen to their happy snores as we all sleep off a full belly. And playing with the pups... I was a very fun wolf-uncle. And those pups were my joy, light of my whole life! <3

So... yeah. That's what being a wolf is to me.

It's not the only way to be a wolf. It's not the "right" was vs anyone else's "wrong". This is just what wolfhood is to me personally. Maybe other wolves will see something of themselves in this, maybe not! Either way, I appreciate the time you took to read my rambling. It feels nice to carve out a place in my life again where I can really talk about this stuff. c:

[cookiesupplier]

Say My Name

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x ofc

cw: None (Part One) -- does pining count? lol

words: 2108

summary: Nicholas Ruffilo has been a fixture in Kaia's life for so long she couldn't imagine it without him. Even after he left for LA and his life of stardom took off.. the only problem, she never got the nerve to tell him how she felt about him. Could one more tattoo change everything?

author’s note: Um.. this was going to be smutty but... bare with me lol, there will be a part two, when I get to it.. I intend it to contain the goods, but I felt like this would be a good point to actually get this down and put this out there before I psych myself out! Also.. not a tattoo artist, everything comes from websites, youtube, or personal experience as a tattoo client. ALL COMMENTS ARE WELCOME, but please, be constructive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being an introvert wasn’t always as simple as being the quiet and mousy looking one, that was something Kaia learned as she grew up. She was the youngest of three siblings and as much as she could yell, and scream, and rumble with her older brothers, give as good as she got, when it came to the end of the day, she always preferred to curl up in her bean bag chair and pull open one of the many books in her reading nook, losing herself to the fantasy world among the pages. The characters within always made so much more sense than the world around her, and felt so much less suffocating than the world that just seemed to want to push down on her chest and put pressure on her until she couldn’t breath.

It didn’t help that with the work that she loved, so many that walked into the tattoo parlour, and saw the brightly coloured hair, and elaborate designed tattoos, and just assumed you were as boisterous and as extroverted as the rest of her family. She did love her tattoos, nothing about her aesthetic was anything that she regretted, even if it did make people assume things about her at times seeing her numerous tattoos. So many of them were inspired from the pages of those books that she dearly loved. Not that all of them were drawn by her, most of them weren’t even tattooed by any of the artists in the shop where she worked, the artist used to work there though, before he left for LA, now she was lucky to snag time with him when he was visiting on holidays.. Fuck, she missed him.

Nick. He was one of her oldest friends. He’d been the one to get her apprenticeship at the shop, which had turned into a full placement here, and now she was working here full time. Her books were always full, and it pained her, but she was finding herself having to turn people away when she couldn’t always find the time to fit them in when it was convenient for them both.. And she’d been scolded more than once from her boss for trying to push herself to overwork longer hours to accommodate people that couldn’t fit into when she worked. She deserved time off as well. Okay, so she was a bit of a people pleaser sometimes..

Yesterday she got a message from one of her friends from high school.

Guess which tattooed hottie is back in town?

Fuck, did Kaia’s heart skipped a beat when she saw that message, there was only one person that Corey would be messaging her that description about, considering he knew exactly how she felt about Nick.. he tormented her about it relentlessly. Taunting Kaia about how, if only she had opened up those pretty little lips and told Nick how she felt about him, she could have moved to LA with the man and gotten to work practicing on making those pretty little metal head babies, his words not hers.. Or have a long distance relationship even.. It wasn’t like he didn’t travel enough as it was.. He was on the road touring constantly. He wasn’t even in Los Angeles all that much either.. Though arguably more than Nick was in Richmond anymore.

Now, yes, Kaia knew Corey’s teasing was in jest, and he didn’t mean anything malicious towards her, but there were days when his words struck so close to home, because she knew he was right. Kaia knew that if she’d just told Nick the truth about how she felt about him, maybe things could have been different, but now, now it was too late.. It was too late to tell him that every time she’d bought him an idea for a tattoo, it had really just been another excuse to see him, another reason to spend time with him. That so much of her body was covered in tattoos because she would jump at the chance to bring all her ideas to him before anyone else. There were days that Corey’s words hurt so bad because Kaia  was just waiting for the day she heard about the wonderful girl that Nick had met on the road, or in LA, and he had swept her off her feet, and away with her in a whirlwind romance of love and music.

Who wouldn’t love that man? Nicholas Ruffilo was one of a kind! While most of his fans only saw the gorgeous bassist of Bad Omens, along with that delicious man bun, she saw the quiet but dedicated dork of a man that always put his family first. That had helped tutor her when she was failing calculus in senior year despite absolutely hating the subject himself, just because she’d needed it. The boy that would listen to her prattle on about characters in books that she was well aware he had no idea about, and had absolutely no desire to ever read, but did he listen, and did he ask her questions while he was permanently inking inspired artwork to her skin? Absolutely. He was the boy that she would see giggling over milk shakes and eating fries while reading comic books with Noah.. that was who she had fallen in love with and never had the guts to tell him the truth.

Today, today she was visiting him again, he knew she had another tattoo in mind. About an hour after she felt like she stopped breathing after Corey’s message she got one from Nick, asking if she was up for a meet up. They never did lose touch, and she’d told him months ago she had a new tattoo in mind. At first she’d mentioned it in passing, just running the idea by him, wanting his opinion before asking one of the artists at the shop if they’d be interested in doing the work for her, when Nick had practically demanded he wait for her to let him do it. She’d agreed, how could she not? It was Nick, he practically owned her body, and he didn’t even know. The fact that he’d taken her rough sketch idea and resigned it a week later and had her drooling at the thought of it curving up and around her inner thigh, like she had already told him she intended for the idea in the first place.

Kaia was meeting him at his parent’s place, he was setting up a sterile station for them to work here, she’d offered the shop so he could see everyone, but she could almost hear the smile in his voice as he told her no, that he knew it was her day off and who wanted to go into work on their day off. Besides, this way it could just be them, they could talk, chat, just like they used to.

Oh, how she had felt her face go warm at the thought of Nick’s hands on her again, hands running up her inner thigh as his voice washed over her, even talking about nothing, anything.. Even with the buzz of the tattoo gun.. Especially with the buzz of the tattoo gun, oh it made her press her thighs together. No, no she needed to focus, calm, calm and collected, it was just a tattoo, she’d gotten them countless times before, from Nick, and she’d been just fine. Nothing out of the ordinary, she wouldn’t embarrass herself, and even more she wouldn’t embarrass him..

Nick answered the door, his smile warm, inviting, hair up in his messy man bun that instantly had Kaia smiling, and trying not to flush with warmth in her cheeks as he pulled her into a hug tight.

“Oh, I missed you.”

She could feel her cheeks ache with how wide she smiled as she stuffed her face into his shoulder to muffle the little bit of giddiness that he was the one to admit that instead of her. That she wasn’t the one to cave to the impulse to be so hopeless right now. Not that she could ever think Nick was hopeless. He probably just missed her because she was a little bit of home instead of the hustle and bustle that came with the insanity that was his life as a rockstar. All the same, her arms wrapped around him to squeeze him back.

“Missed you too, Nick.”

Pulling back from his arms, she dipped her head a little, trying to hide the fact that she was almost sure that her cheeks were rosy pink with a flush of her blush, but it didn’t stop Nick from chuckling and grabbing her hand and pulling her inside properly. He offered her water, a snack before they got started, accepting both, better to be safe when it came to tattoos, but over all, it wasn’t long before he had her laying back, propped up on the couch, her legs out in front of her. Kaia had worn a sundress knowing that he was going to be tattooing high on her leg today, and taking off her pants, oh, that would be a bit much for her today.

Showing her the finished piece that he’d been working on for her, Kaia was so excited, Nick was always so exceptional with his work. She might be an artist herself, but there was something about his artwork that she just loved inking to her skin, seeing his work had been what made her fall in love with the medium of using skin as a canvas in the first place. Before that, Kaia had been much more partial to clay sculpture, she’d always been partial to doing things with her hands.

With the skirt of her dress tucked up to the leg of her underwear delicately to expose the meat of her thigh, Kaia held her breath as she showed Nick where she wanted the tattoo, and with a professional, simple nod, he ran his gloved hand over her freshly shaved and prepped skin, and prepared the stencil before rubbing the stencil stuff into her skin. Swallowing down, this was something she’d done to countless clients time and time again, and she knew it was coming, she knew his hands were going to be on her, rubbing the liquid into her skin to transfer the ink of the stencil. Breath, Kaia, breath, it was just another tattoo, she’d done this with him so many times, it was no different.

It was different. It was always different with Nick.

She lifted her head from the way she had tilted back to not look to him, attempting to focus on anything but what he was doing.. Making the utter mistake of glancing down towards Nicholas to see what he was going as he placed the stencil, curving his hand over the paper, placing such delicate pressure over the image to press it down to her thigh, she could almost feel her muscles shake under his touch… it made her want to moan under his hands, and without realizing it, maybe the softest breath of one left her lips in the form of his name.

“Nicholas.”

And she froze.

They both froze.

Nick’s hand’s stilled on her thigh, one very intimately placed on her inner thigh as his eyes flew up to her as her cheeks flushed bright with warmth at the realization at the sound that had just escaped her.

“Kaia?”

His light eyes met her dark searchingly as she swallowed heavily,

“Nick.”

Her voice shook as she wanted to bolt from the room so fast but his hands just hadn’t moved from her leg, and she was both terrified and delighted with that fact. Terrified that if she said something he would move them, and delighted that maybe, just maybe, he just didn’t want to, and that was why they were there.

It felt like a silence hung over them forever, but it was probably only barely a moment as he looked to her searchingly, was he looking for something in her expression, trying to see what might be going through her mind. She wouldn’t be the first person in the world to get turned on from getting a tattoo, but usually that didn’t happen until after the needle hit their skin in her experiences. No, no that wasn’t what was happening here. If anything there was a touch of panic in her eyes, panic that he wouldn’t feel about her the way she felt about him. That, however, didn’t seem to be something she had to worry about.

“I want you to say my name like that again.”

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hi!

I really appreciate the positivity that you share on this blog. I would also like to say that some of your comics helped me realize I am probably aro/ace. I have been getting comfortable with the ace label for a while now, but I realized that I am most likely also demiromatic (at the very least).

I came to the conclusion after seeing how you described your QPR because that is exactly what I would want in a relationship. Cooking food together, sharing a place, platonic cuddles, etc. I didn't know that was an option until I saw your comic.

I have also been doing a ton of research trying to define a romance. As I know you have mentioned before, it is very difficult to describe, but it seems my definition fits more-or-less how you describe a QPR rather than a "romantic relationship."

With that in mind...

Do you have any tips for finding platonic relationships like QPR's? All my friends either live very far away or are married/in committed allo relationships. I always feel like a third wheel, so any tips would be much appreciated.

Aah... In a way, I guess I couldn't help much because... Turns out the flavor of aroace that I am didn't really feel the need for a QPR to begin with, so I never really... Looked for one. My partner offered one and the rest is history. Well... I did fumble a little bit at the beginning and was like "hey wow that's how I feel about another close friend maybe I should ask THEM to be in a QPR too so I could be in 2 QPRs" and that didn't work out for many reasons and that's how I learned that stuff isn't as simple as I thought it could be but... Honestly, I'm very fortunate with what I have now and I don't regret bumping into such walls. Made me value what I ended up with all the more, and appreciate the level of connection and communication needed for that to work out. In a way I guess... My partner made it sound easy so props to them.

...Anyway that didn't answer anything, did it TwT But yeah I wasn't the one to ask, and I didn't need one myself, so... I just lucked out really.

Ironically, not that anyone asked, but if I felt anything was missing from my life and still is, it's feeling like I'm a part of a group of friends, a proper group, that sees me and respects me as a proper friend. I've never really had that even if I sometimes fooled myself that I did, and it's always hurt a fair amount and it still does, but being in a QPR certainly helps a TON somehow. So... I wasn't looking for that but it brought me solace in a lot of ways? jgfigklfd though that still doesn't answer your question TwT

So uh... Sorry for sinking into introspection a bit here, but I sincerely hope you'll find what you're looking for someday either way, and hey, if an idiot like me could luck out doing nothing special, then who knows, it's possible that you might luck out just as much someday 👀 I dunno, one never knows.

And before I forget... Thank you so much for the kind words, I'm sincerely glad sharing my experience could help you in any way!^^

[agentplutonium]

There was a concept that I really wanted to explore with Milo and Sweetheart, but I'm not all that sure it's in character. But here it is anyway, cause really y'all can't stop me when I actually feel like writing.

CW: Gender Neutral Sweetheart (referred to as Sneaks in this, uses They/Them pronouns), Demisexual Sweetheart, not NSFW but they are getting hot and heavy in the beginning of this, casual talk of sex/all that kinda stuff

Sneaks didn’t understand. They were the one to suggest it in the first place, so they didn’t understand why things were changing now. They did everything right, they were fine just mere minutes before this, what was happening?

The two of them have been building up to this moment all day. Sneaks was excited, and more than happy to indulge in this. They’d gotten as far as the bed, equally haphazardly undressed.

Milo moved to trail kisses along their neck, leaving Sneaks to stare up at the ceiling. It did feel good, just… Sneaks couldn't put it into words. It felt… wrong almost. They felt like their skin was crawling, itching to become a separate entity.

But it made Milo happy. He was having fun and feeling good, couldn’t they do this for him? Couldn’t they put up with it just until he had his fill? They could do it and it not be a horrible experience for them. Milo knew how they were, but they never tried to stop something after initiating. Would he understand? Would he get upset with them, angry even? There were sparks of pleasure there, swirling deep in their stomach. They could make this work, they had to just endure it.

But they could feel it. The unease. The dread. It was like lead in their heart, weighing down their very core. It felt like a chore, something they would never do willingly, and they hated that. They didn’t want times like this to be a chore for them. They loved Milo. They wanted nothing to feel like a chore with him.

Milo nipped Sneaks' earlobe, but it didn't have any effect. It usually had them gasping, and then they'd get teased for it. It wasn't right, none of this was right.

Sneaks couldn’t do this.

Sneaks swallowed thickly, the hand that was holding onto Milo’s shoulder starting to push him back. “Milo,” they whispered, voice thick. “Milo, please.”

Milo, who seemed to catch on to their unease quickly, pulled back with a worried expression etched into his face. “What’s wrong? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Sneaks shook their head, hands coming up to rest against his cheek. “No, you’re okay. I just… I don’t think I can do this.”

“You just not feeling it anymore?” Milo asked. Sneaks was searching for something they were familiar with. Disappointment. Anger. Regret or resentment. Anything that they’ve seen before. But it never came.

Sneaks shook their head again, finally answering Milo's question. "I'm sorry," They whispered.

"Nothing to be sorry for," Milo reassured, then paused. "Can I kiss you?"

Sneaks nodded but felt guilt gnaw at their chest. They had him questioning things he wouldn't have second-guessed. Milo only smiled at them before pressing his lips to theirs, gentle and soft, nothing how it was a few moments before.

Milo pulled back, sitting up. Sneaks grabbed the first shirt they should get their hands on, which ended up being Milo's, and put it on.

"I'll be back," Milo told them. "Do you want me to bring you back some water?"

"Sure," Sneaks muttered, sitting up and curling in on themselves.

Milo gave them a weird look but didn't press it. "Alright, well, I'll be right back."

Sneaks was left alone after that.

God, what were they doing? They could have avoided this, they could have kept Milo happy. If only they weren't the way they were. It must have been so easy for Milo in his other relationships. What if he realizes that, and doesn't want to try and work it out with them anymore? Would Milo want to stay with them?

"Here you are," Milo said, coming back into the room. He handed them one of the glasses he had, sitting back down beside them.

Sneaks took a small sip, not being able to make eye contact with him. They were waiting for him to say something, to bring it up, ask for an explanation, or something.

Instead, he brushed some of their hair out of their face, hand resting on their neck afterward. "What's wrong, Sweetheart? You got that look again." "Aren't you going to say something?" Sneaks asked quietly, the tremble in their voice noticeable. "Aren't you mad?"

"Mad? At what, the fact that you stopped something you weren't comfortable with?" Milo asked, voice soft. "Now why would I be mad about that, huh?"

Sneaks couldn't come up with an answer right then. Instead, they said, "You were having fun though."

"'Course I was," Milo said, "It's you. But, I would have been more upset if you let me do something like that without you wanting it."

"You didn't have to think about this before," Sneaks pointed out. They weren't sure why they were doing this, giving Milo reasons to be upset. It was like their mind was poking for some kind of reaction.

"I was still looking for consent, Sweetheart," Milo joked lightly. "It wasn't like I wasn't paying attention."

Sneaks frowned, eyes falling to the glass in their hand, fingers running along the rim of it. They were quiet for a few moments, mind muddling over what had happened.

"You don't want an explanation?" They ask finally.

"Do you want to give one?" Milo countered. They weren't sure if they did. Maybe not yet. When Milo didn't get an answer, he continued. "Sweetheart, it's your body. I'm never gonna do anything you don't want me to. Even if we ever get further than we are now, and you decided that you wanted to pull the plug, I would have listened. Wouldn't you do the same for me?"

"Of course," Sneaks answered without thinking.

"Then what does it matter?" Milo asked, not unkindly. He guided their gaze back up to him, and they saw that he was smiling at them. "I love you, and I want you to be happy. That's it. Plain and simple."

Sneaks could only look at him, trying to understand. They expected outrage, anger, and regret, not this. Literally anything else but this. This soft, caring tone that Milo had taken on, countering every negative thought that they were having. When was the last time someone put this much effort into something like this? This much effort into them?

"Do you regret it?" Sneaks whispered, and they finally started to feel a sting behind their eyes.

"Regret you?" Milo clarified, giving a soft chuckle. "Fuck no, Sweetheart. You're the best damn thing to happen to me. Hell," he let out an amused huff, "even if you decide that we can never have sex again, so long as you stay beside me, I'd still die the happiest man on earth. Because you," the word was punctuated with Milo grabbing both sides of their face, "are more than just sex, Sweetheart. You're more than just a body, though your body specifically is certainly an added bonus because it's yours."

Sneaks rolled their eyes, but Milo kept going.

"I do not, and will not ever, regret loving you, Sweetheart. And I'm gonna be here every time you need me to set those kinds of thoughts straight. You got that?"

Sneaks nodded, but Milo was having none of it.

"Say it." "I got it, Mi," Sneaks said, trying to keep the embarrassment out of their voice.

"Good," Milo pulled them in for a kiss, leaving their head spinning as usual. "I'll be here to remind you anytime you need," he added, only pulling back a few inches to say it.

Sneaks felt their chest grow tight again, but this time it was out of love rather than dread. It was like their very heart was swelling to three times its size just at that moment alone, becoming as light as helium, lifting them.

Sneaks pressed in once more to give Milo a quick kiss. "Lay down with me?" They asked.

"Of course," Milo said, "Anything for my Baby."

[sageswriting]

Azeal Lazarus

His Character Hub profile , go check it out to know more !! :D

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About ;;

Azeal is a 181 year old vampire, obsessed with reading and learning about new things. He's polite, but doesn't get along easily with new people, often feeling a sort of disgust due to the differences between them. How can people be so uneducated? Where's your love for knowledge? Calculative, and assertive, Azeal rarely sees failure in the horizon.

Azeal's thirst for knowledge is insatiable; he will spend hours reading books, from the very sunrise to the candle lighting hour, drowning himself in knowledge until he drops.  His goal is to know; to have knowledge more than anyone else, to know everything about everyone and anything possible - there are no limits to learning.

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Facts n stuffs ;; :p

Azeal doesn't care about his prince title. He acts like he's a regular vampire! He is indeed one of the MANY princes of Vampiria. He doesn't care at all!! just wants to be normal and treated like a regular vampire!!

He feels really shamed whenever he has to search up anything :///

He loves to relax and read books!! wew :0

Knows how to throw knives very well !! WHAT :OOO

Loves to write romantic poems and letters about/to people he will never approach first.

Threatens to take people to court over the smallest things (people always think he’s joking. But he isn’t.)

Loses things very often

Recently got a butler!

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Romantic life ;;

He isn’t looking for anyone. He swears. Yes, he might admire from afar, write poems and love letters and perhaps drown himself in knowledge about this person - but he is just too busy to give anyone affection. Not like he’s the kind of guy to give affection, anyways. His love language is definitely giving books and sharing facts.

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Lore ;;

This guy was born in a noble family (as you know), but he never really enjoyed or appreciated living in such conditions. The second he became an adult, he refused to live alongside his family and now lives in a large mansion by himself. He still sees his family often, even though he doesn’t want to, because he’s dragged by his family into vampiric events and balls to find a woman to marry.

He isn’t expected to rule at any point, because he rebuked such classes and refuses to show them any respect. He promised to never marry or get involved with anybody of such status.

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Azeal answers some questions ;;

If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would you present on?

“I would definitely present on Astronomy the most. It’s so beautiful. Did you know sunsets on some other planets are blue? Did you also know footprints on our moons can last one hundred million years?”

Do you act on your immediate emotions, or do you wait for the facts before acting?

“Wait for facts, all the time. You can’t let your emotions affect your judgement, no matter the topic and situation.”

What do you hate the most about yourself?

“I guess what I hate the most about myself is the fact I can’t read two books at the same time, and can’t take notes with both hands. My dominant hand is the left, by the way.”

How well can you keep secrets?

“I keep secrets very well. I remember everything, and refuse to share things that belong to others.”

What is 5+5?

“10.”

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Bold the facts ;;

((I am not sure who made this! I wasn't tagged to do this challenge but I wanted to do it anyways hehe))

Killed Someone Under Orders | Had Someone Killed On Their Orders | Killed Someone In Self Defense | Spared Someone's Life | Invented Something | Been Hungover | Kissed Someone | Slow-Danced | Been In A Long-Term Relationship | Had Sex | Had Sex And Regretted It | Had A One-Night Stand | Had A Threesome | Experimented With Their Sexuality | Had A Kid | Adopted A Kid | Wanted To Have A Family With Someone | Done Something On Impulse They Regretted | Gone Traveling | Had A Bounty Put On Them | Eaten An Insect | Been Dumped/Dumped Someone | Smoked | Gotten High | Flirted With Someone To Get Free Drinks | Put Someone In A Headlock | Won a Bet | Lost a Bet | Forgiven Someone Who Wronged Them | Indulged In Petty Revenge | Hallucinated | Has A Noticeable Physical Defect | Gotten A Noticeable Scar | Been Permanently Disfigured Through Injury | Kneed Someone In The Groin | Had An Unattainable Crush | Laughed Themselves To The Point Of Tears | Been Kidnapped | Been Brainwashed/Hypnotized | Had A Recurring Nightmare | Been Bullied | Bullied Someone | Experienced Survivor's Guilt | Been Tied/Chained Up | Given Someone A Massage| Received A Massage | Been Backed Up Against A Wall | Shot Someone | Stabbed Someone | Saved Someone's Life | Cheated On Someone | Been Cheated On | Been In An Open Relationship | Had A Friendship With Benefits | Been In A Queerplatonic Relationship | Had A Stalker | Been Betrayed | Been A Traitor | Been Possessed | Been In A Bar Fight | Been Thrown Out Of A Bar | Been Arrested | Broken Out Of Jail | Been To A Funeral | Been To A Brothel | Had Surgery | Broken Someone's Trust | Broken Someone's Heart | Had Their Heart Broken | Broken/Damaged Something Out Of Anger | Broken/Damaged Something Out Of Spite | Gotten A Piercing | Gotten A Tattoo | Used A Fake Name | Been Beaten Up | Been Tortured/Tortured Others | Been Abused | Been Blackmailed | Gotten Away With A Crime | Framed Someone Else For A Crime They Committed | Shared A Bed Platonically | Been In Love | Suffered From Sleep Paralysis | Been Forced To Flee Their Home | Learned A New Language | Joined A Rebellion | Fought On The Losing Side Of A War | Fought On The Winning Side Of A War | Become A Godparent | Become An Aunt/ Uncle

[fenmere]

thank you @the-letterbox-archives for the tag!

This is an OC questionaire, and these questions were chosen by letter. We're going to have the cast of The End of the Tunnel answer them, because that's our upcoming book!

"what's your relationship with your family like?" Ashwin: "I've left them, permanently, most likely to never see most of them again, to visit another planet - Earth. Even though I've lived more than a full life already, and have existed several decades beyond the end of my vessel's lifespan, I do think I regret it. I was more than desperately ready for something new, but I was not so ready to lose those connections." Phage: "I am not a living being. I do not have a lineage like you may be familiar with. And I am the kind of thing that doesn't tend to have equals. But I have had a child, Ni'a, and I find that I love them very dearly. I do not think that I have been a good parent to them. Not by anybody else's standards. I don't know how. But they have never complained. I will not pretend that this experience helps me understand people any better." Sarah: "Goreth and I were an only child. Our parents tried to raise us better than their parents did, but they screwed up a lot. And besides our surviving Grandma, our extended family are all bigots. We've got a lot of trauma from all this and are estranged from almost all of them. In many ways, Phage has been more of a family member for us than anybody else. Anyway, Goreth and I are basically twins, and we're the core of any family we may have now. We're hoping we can build a new one from our queer friends." Goreth: "To elaborate on what Sarah's saying, I think we've actually got a family going with Peter and Abigail, our housemates. And with Erik and the Audreys, too. We've been there for each other in ways our biological families never were." Erik: "They're... a lot. If we're talking about my folks and sibs. I love them, but also I can't deal with them a lot of the time. I need them, but they honestly don't seem to need me, and it shows. They think they need the person they think I am. And I'm a whole different thing than that." the Audreys: *shrugs* "I got to take my computer with me when I moved out."

"do you have any hobbies? if so, what ones?" Ashwin: "The concept of hobbies is fascinating to me. Where I come from we only have an Art and then we have other skills. These things maybe classify as hobbies to most humans, at least those that live in and around Portland. But, it seems to me that a hobby is defined as something one does for oneself when one is not working. Is that correct? We don't have work on the Sunspot. We only have our Art and our distractions and the things we do to make others happy. We just... It's a totally different way of thinking and I don't know if I can explain it well enough. In any case, I used to think I didn't have an Art. But lately I've been finding that studying anything about linguistics fills me with this profound sense of calm and purpose that I've never felt before." Phage: "My hobby is life itself. In all of its expressions and experiences." Sarah: "Well, we're unemployed and unable to work, but we have a Patreon and the people who donate to it do so in order to keep us healthy enough to do what we love when we have time. Which makes our hobbies our work, I guess? I draw. That's my favorite thing. I also like to watch movies and the newer cartoon shows. I used to read a lot, but that's been really hard to do lately." Goreth: "I want to be a writer. I want to write novels. But, I've never had any luck making one work, so I've been getting that energy out by keeping our Patreon and social media accounts up to date. It's really more of a creative outlet than it sounds, though. In a way I've already written a novel. It's just scattered across several blogs. Oh, and I guess I collect things. I don't really think about it though, it just happens. Kind of my nature." Erik: "Horror movies, horror novels, horror shows, and experiencing horror in real life. Also dancing and being a smart ass. Oh, and monster spotting. It's like bird watching, but with monsters. There's probably other hobbies, but since my other headmates aren't awake right now, I can't remember them." the Audreys: "We kind of have a lot. But we don't really have the time for any of them. Too busy with work, which used to be a hobby. Hanging out with Erik and the Ampersands is really where we get our big break. But we rewatch Venture Brothers a lot, I guess. Also Disney movies. But that's like in the background while we work."

"do you dream often? what about?" Ashwin: "I'm not sure I know the difference between a dream and experiencing most of my life in the inworld of someone else's psyche. I was originally a fellow system member of the Minbàoni, and I gained consciousness and identity before I ever took the front and piloted their vessel. Once we got our neural terminal, I spent a lot of time on the Network, away from my system, and that was a lot like vividly dreaming in and of itself. Sarah and Goreth dream quite a bit, and I've been part of that since I've joined them. I'm still trying to make sense of that." Phage: "No. But I appear in dreams on occasion. I find it's an excellent way to talk to someone who isn't otherwise able to see or hear me." Sarah: "We have had so many recurring nightmares, even after our mom taught us how to face them. There's just always something. The nightmares of our childhood are our empowerment dreams now, and we often go flying or chasing monsters when we have them. But then, the next night, we'll have a nightmare about arguing with our parents in their kitchen. Our better dreams are the ones where our headmates hold a council meeting, or get together with us to play some kind of internal role playing game." Goreth: *gestures at Sarah* "That. Except, also, lately, I've been learning how to assert my actual shape in our dreams, and I get to spend a lot of time as the dragon I am. To the point where I think I prefer dreaming to being awake." Erik: "If I could remember my dreams, I'm pretty sure I could write the best movie scripts. But I'm glad I can't. I dream enough when I'm awake, I really don't need to experience that shit at night too." the Audreys: "Some of us do, and some of us can't even visualize an apple. It's kinda weird. Those of us that do dream have pretty vivid memories of exploring our inworld, to the point we've been able to map it out. You can read about it and see our diagrams on our wiki. But I don't think our dreams are anything like anybody else's. They're almost all internal politics."

We're not going to tag anybody else. Consider yourself invited to do this, and go ahead an tag us if you answer our questions. Questions for your OCs: 1. What is your favorite thing to do to avoid responsibility?

2. If you could choose anyone in your world to be your sibling, who would it be?

3. What is the most sublime thing you have ever eaten, and why?

[dokidokiliteraturegirls]

BTW, have you played/watched ddlc+ already?? i don't remember if you mentioned it and i was so excited for your opinions on it!!

I have!! I played it on stream, it was super fun~ and I have OH so many thoughts about it. I'll do my best to convey them without spoilers!

First things first, I really loved it. It was far better than anything I could've expected. The new content, the unlockable images, the music player, the extended lore with the e-mails, the side stories, it's all just. *chef's kiss*

My favorite part by far was the side stories! They were absolutely lovely, very very well written, and they took a lot of time to properly convey mental illnesses and how they are dealt with. This was actually one of the things that bothered me the most about the original DDLC, that the mental illnesses were mostly used just as horror fodder/shock value. They weren't very respectful to put it slightly. But with the side stories not only did it seem like they cared about the people who read the novel and identified with the characters, but about the characters as well! Each of their relationships and the way they interacted with each other was very lovingly crafted. And the lore expansion they hinted at with the e-mails made a ton of sense and makes me very excited about what's to come!!

I have no complaints about the game. The only thing that bothered me was fully a personal thing, you know, writing a whole speculative sequel fanfic and then having it decanonized and have the actual author make something that felt better than what I had to offer ^^;; though that's just my insecurity speaking, I guess. I'm trying to see this as a 2 cakes situation. I did my best with this comic and people enjoyed it, and that's far more important than it not being canon. Which it already wasn't anyway cuz I filled it with my wacky OCs alskdmaslkfnlaksmd

In conclusion, lovely game. I liked it ten times more than the original and in my opinion it fixed everything that could be criticized about it. Very lovingly made, well-crafted, a truly wonderful experience. If I could recommend people to just skip the original game and play the side stories for a nice, meaningful, cozy story about friends getting to know and understand each other, I would. 10/10, I don't regret owning 2 copies of it (I bought it for ps4 as well and never played it there lmao)