#but i guess i just wasnt cut out for this
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ngl guys. my chances of graduating feel thinner and thinner by the minute
#wl26#there is so much. stuff.#i should never have agreed to this job#sometimes you make a bad choice but you can still justify the end result because at least you got experience or whatever#well i did get experience i GUESS but i have never regretted anything more than i regret taking this job#its not even that bad#its literally not bad at all#its probably one of the best job opportunities someone like me could possibly get#but i guess i just wasnt cut out for this#which is concerning!#because its a fairly easy job#jobs like this dont just appear to you when you look for them#so whatever job im getting after this is gonna be even harder#and if i cant handle working 2 days a week. how can i handle a real fucking job. how can i handle anything#ngl fellas i think im just straight up a failure lol
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what part(s) offended people?
imo this isn't a spoiler since he removed it from the script but here's a quick warning that this post discusses tit content anyway
sdjsfhggdl i dont wanna keep addressing it bc the more i talk about it the more it looks like i was really offended by it which i wasn't 😭 but
in the phantwerp show dan made a comment along the lines of "we're not normative. i mean not mainstream, we're not autistic" and then he said something like "well everyone's a little bit on the spectrum" which may have been sarcastic but i couldnt tell lmao it wasn't like obviously sarcastic (also im heavily paraphrasing here). he obviously didn't mean anything upsetting by it, he way he worded it sounded a bit clumsy and did not work with the show imo. and could definitely be taken the wrong way out of context. and yeah i felt like the audience (at least the people around me) were also just like "?? huh wtf is he trying to say" lmao it wasn't offensive as much as it just didn't make a lot of sense?? and it was an odd way for him to address a potentially sensitive topic. im personally glad he removed it, it's clear that he didn't mean any harm by it but imo the show is better without it.
i just hope he doesnt feel bad about it bc like he didn't say anything heinous or whatever dsdlfsjlfjl 😭 it was just kinda odd
#sorry to the other anon who wrote a whole essay about it. ur completely valid i just wasnt in the mood for discourse so i didnt post it#not tagging as a spoiler bc i guess it isn't a spoiler any more since he removed it?? but ill put it under a cut to be safe#phan#dan and phil#dnp#putting this in the tags in case anyone else was wondering#but yea i dont wanna blow it out of proportion#ask
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Not to be dramatic but I didn't realize how good we had it before ai took over... I used to hate the ok google thing my phone would do and they recently changed it to ai 😐 i am not an angry person irl I swear u can ask @b1gradw0lf I'm literally a soft little puppi but y'all I WAS SCREAMING AT THIS DAMN THING IN MY CAR TODAY I WAS SO MAD. BRING OK GOOGLE BACK
#i figured out how to change it back and will be doing so immediately#it was pretty funny tho ngl i read Alpha the chat records and we had a good laugh about it#but no i was also very mad#i had just watched a dickhead in a huge truck literally cut off and almost side swipe this poor other car#he had been driving awful on the highway in front of me for a while#and guess what?#BRO WAS TEXTING#👹#i had a bad day and that just set me off#so like a good civilian (with a dashcam) i went to call the non emergency line on him#but the stupid ai just..... wouldn't#kept reading off some like article about the local station#thank GOD i wasnt in a real emergency it probably would've just read me what 911 is#😐#puppy rants
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gunna be real my mother in law crossed some lines today that i dont even know how to come back from. how do i make 10k in the next 6 months to pack up and leave actually though.
#i wish we could just. go straight to portugal. or wherever my husband wants us to go i guess.#im so sick of living with her. she really convinced me shed changed but that wasnt fucking true!#and now were in a situation where shes taking 450 of the 470 we make every week and saying WE are financially abusing HER#and that SHE is cutting US off at the end of our lease and leaving#and its like. so#its so#i cant even put into words how stupid that is#she is the most insufferably cruel and pointless person ive ever known and shes gunna take nearly every penny we make and then say that??#she said it on the way home from ME BUYING ALL OF OUR GROCERIES. she staid in the CAR she didnt even have to WALK AROUND#my husband gave her his ENTIRE paycheck yesterday. YESTERDAY#oh im so fucking#like what do we do when she leaves if we have 20 dollars between 2 grown adults a week. what are we supposed to do with that#theres no way we can make a down payment on anywhere or move our stuff or like. idk. fucking eat#mind you she is making 90k a year. like. i just want to tack that little bit of context on.#stupid shithead nightmare woman im so over this. im so OVER being so broke and so tired and dealing with how mean she is every single day#I WANT OUT BUT THERES NOWHERE TO GOOOOOOO
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perhaps it’s the fact i’m MUCH more severely traumatized now so the thoughts and pain are literally inescapable but does anyone else ever have a really bad sober day and think wow. so uhm how the absolute fuck in hell did i ever EVER cope with life before substances.
#i feel like im fucking dying but not physically more like my soul has been completely sucked out of my body and i have no desire to do#anything or fucking live#also the physical pain is unignorable and i want to tear my body apart#i feel so fucking useless and the worst part is i was useless before the substances too so why even stop.#like i guess i was just relying a whole lot more on self harm (like cutting ik it’s all harmful) instead of substances#and before that i was too young (like under 11) to realize there was any other options + i was being abused so bad i just had to deal#i had so little freedom i couldnt get into anything#i see i just answered my own question. i think i just had to deal w shit so far beyond my ability to cope that my brain fucking broke around#12 and i got into self harm/soon after substances.#it almost feels like there WASNT life before all this shit. there practically wasnt#man i wish this shit wld just take me out soon#*spongebob abt to be hit with a boulder meme* IN MY SLEEP AND PAINLESSLY
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He can't be dead I still need to fix him !!!
#genuinely confused as to whether or not aventurine's dead#cause on one hand topaz and jade sure seem to think he is along with most of the fandom#but on the other hand i feel like this would be a really unsatisfying place to just cut off his story#also didnt acheron say something about removing whatever it was that the harmony was doing that was gonna kill him#also he told his child self that he would be going where their parents and sister were (ie dying) for a long time#why would he have said that if he wasnt certain he was going to survive this#its not as if he was in denial or hadnt already been planning on dying then.#idk. guess well find out in 2.2? or maybe sooner if we get a companion mission for him when he releases#hsr#hsr spoilers#aventurine#aventurineposting#seri speaks
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im so annoyed with everything today, i think i need some tasty food and a million hours of sleep and then I'll be back to normal
#the teacher at the first class today was so dibsjdhdhdhdhsgs 😫#like she was teaching us things that are like unrelated to the class that shes teaching so idek why she was teaching it#but also its things that we have been learning since the 1st semester and we've done them in at least 10 classes and she was acting like#this was the 1st time we were hearing about it#like oh yeah we're on the 7th semester of studying nutrition but no one bothered to tell us how many calories are in a gram of fat#and she gave us homework 'to see if we know this' like#oh yes i can make a meal plan for a child with crohns or cystic fibrosis or celiac disease or everything else we've done this semester and#all the other semesters but i guess i cant tell you what micronutrients are in this one breakfast meal#like fuck off and stick to what you're supposed to be teaching#anyway i know im getting more annoyed than i should but she was just even more annoying than usual today#like she interrupted the lesson every 5 minutes to yell at someome to be quiet i wasnt even aware there were people talking until she yelled#anyway#also my new earphones aren't working well idk why ive definitely not been mistreating them that much for them to break in less than a month#like i had my old pair for at least 4 years until the broke and i dont think the wire got cut in them like the sound was coming out weird#but there was sound coming out. in the new ones you need to hold them in a very specific angle for sound to come out#and like im careful with how i put them away so what is up with them?#my theory is that they make wired earphones shitty on purpose so that you will spend a lot of money and buy wireless#also we had said from Tuesday that we would hang out with my friends today but i guess they forgot or idk and they made other plans#(to go home and sleep) and during the weekend the one friend wont be here and next week my family will be here so we probably wont hang out#again until next year and we have exams almost immediately so we wont be hanging out much then either#also my period is supposed to come soon and i hope that it will either come today or it will wait until after Christmas#ideally it will never come ever again but we cant always get what we want#anyway im gonna go eat the rest of my μεσογειακό and go take a nap#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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aaaand this is the mural because im proud
#puyo puyo#puyo sig#puyo amitie#im srry every ami fan#i really didnt wanna go hat for her ;^; *didnt wanna draw a hat*#also (not to rant about my own au in the tags) unlike ms 'goddess' that im drawin for my au thing#ms sorceress actually uses the staff as a magic staff and not a lance#like i commonly draw ms 'goddess' usin#(i mean i guess just like; twice? for you guys seeing but my work doodles are filled of her stabby stab with lance)#anyway back to ms ami sorceress she came out very rpg princess which wasnt my intention (not a bad thing tho)#which is why i cut the front dress open and added shorts+boots combo#to help a bit with the image i guess#and mr demon#uh#lmao *starts ranting by accident*#i always have trouble making a design for the old demon from that castle#because its like#they are (im guessin) a mix of what we know of strange and also sig look wise a#but what we know of strange (look wise) is just what he looks like possessing klug#so when 'we all' (i say loosely) see him we commonly think of possessed klug and we think “they must have looked like that” and we think of#this form as his body and since its been so long this has like;;;; *wildly gestures hands* stuck!! you know??#what im trying to say is. i think of possesed klug and use that as a base for designs alot. which is incorrect i think. but like.#sig(s ancestor technically) is an incomplete half. so its missing stuff!!#(omg...re-reading this. im crazy. i suck at explainin my reasons. im srry tag browsers. )
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i borrowed the first 2 seasons of izombie from the library and i'm watching the deleted scenes and holy shit
you're telling me that they originally had evan find out about zombies in the middle of season 2??? and he came out as gay at the same time?!?!?! we were fucking DEPRIVED
#i wonder why they decided to cut it#it definitely wasnt to sensor that he was gay (bc they could have just cut that part out) (also we've had multiple queer brain moments)#so i guess they decided the zombie reveal didnt work story-wise?#idk man but i actually loved the cut scenes they should've kept them#izombie#its from 2.13 'the whopper' btw
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Okay I'm working on snowbird chapter 2
I hope people actually read it considering seven of them voted for me to keep writing it when I asked them
#announcement#i guess#snowbird#snowbird chapter 2 is im uhhere i er well#im like. 49% done#i hope people read it i really do#i establish the protags relationship with her older sister in chapter 2 itll be great#therell be guilt the protags bestie has a fraternal relationship with the protags older sister would you read that please read that im beggi#also just read part of mockingjay that derails my whole plot BUT ITS OKAY the plot holes have saved me#it says that finnick odair was a mentor during the 74th games but that doesnt check out because he won during 65 but annie casta won in 70#meaning annie casta won the most recently but wasnt a mentor??? but annie is known for not being stable SO#that means that if a mentor is unfit to train new tributes they can be replaced by a more capable one WHICH MEANS#despite the timelines making one of my characters the most recent district 4 victor if she has a psychotic breakdown she wont mentor#so now i have to find a way to traumatise her enough that her progress going back to normal just flies out the window#fortunately the reaping happens in winter the arena was full of snow theres a point where she falls in a frozen lake she lives in district 4#hmmmmmm and maybe she gets cut. maybe blood on snow reminds her of things that she doesnt want to be reminded of. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnmnnnm#it happens in winter cause its in the middle of the year. winter is in the middle of the year. catching fire has the reaping midyear (?)#look dont ask me about my timelines just enjoy it okay
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i feel like im not actually connected to the world anymore like i used to be and i lost whatever i had
#and now im just waiting to die orsomething#idk#i feel like norman shouldnt have gone without me#unfair#im not even a person anymore#im uselss and a disappointment to all#i can just drive#i miss having friends and being a part of a group who noticed when i wasnt there yaknow? like#a society#i feel like i slipped out somehow and i dont see people smiling anymore or enjoy sunlight on leaves or feel hopeful#i dont know when i got to be so depressed but#i managed to get a hair cut today#which sounds stupid to even mention but i am sort of agoraphobic and hadnt. managed to get one since september of last year or so#i looked stupid#the other day i went into a store with my sister and a woman was very chatty with me so i bought her a slushie and it was sweet how happy#that made her#so im just being dramatic you know its nice when someone smiles at you like directed at you#and like i did feel the sun on my arm while driving today and it felt nice and i can change as a person whenever i want#i dont like living in the city i think#i dont know what i want but i gotta make changes you know#start smoking and get a tattoo or something#i guess a lot of this is just regan and i arent that friendly right now and its making me sad#shes just busy#kinda a little bit makes me sad it was so nice when we started dating and we flirted a lot now its like im just a fixture that needs mainte#ance#everyso often#and my cats still dead#and his brother is dying#hes got lymphoma#i guess thats why im sad and sayng all this today
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does anyone know if there‘s a tag limit
#felix babbles#one time#i started trying#the post was in my drafts for a longgg while#it wasnt even related to the original post at some point#the tags didnt end up saving#so i never found out anything about a limit#maybe i hit it#or maybe my phone couldnt handle it#perhaps tumblr couldnt#reminds me of the post limit#which i know exists#but ive never hit it#ive also never tried#i think ash mentioned once that in the time hes been on here hes only hit it a few times#i have mutuals with separate accounts just for when they hit the limit#so i guess its not as hard to hit as i would’ve thought#i was supposed to be making k.andi stars#if you saw my last post#i just took a little break and now im here#also listening to the np.md soundtrack again so thats fun#didnt want to put it in the tag though hopefully that works to prevent it#can you image searching for a post in the np.md tag and this thing pops up#id be so confused#i would probably still read through the tags though#i wonder if tumblr will have a limit and not tell me#like when i try to post it itll say i have too many tags#i should tag one of my stmboards with as many tags as i can and then start rambling for anyone who clicks on it#but i wouldnt want someone to be searching and find my board over and over again#EDIT: THERE WERE MORE TAGS AFTER THIS AND THEY WERE CUT OFF
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Watching a video on the woman who cleans graves on tiktok and oh my god, the inner used-to-walk-around-graveyards-when-visiting-dad-at-work is coming out of me in a bad way because holy shit, stop using products that will erode the grave stones faster??? Stop doing so many product placements while talking about someone whose dead??? Stop asking so many weird questions like, 'was she pretty?'???
Like, it'd be one thing if she was being respectful and using products that don't fuck up the grave stones chances further and actually not promoting other products and even her own, but she is only seemingly respectful to graves belonging to people who did stuff like fire fighter duties, everyone else just gets no respect.
#and before you ask what i mean with the inner thing#my dad used to work in stuff like digging and grass cutting#and me and mom used to visit him at work alot when i was younger and his work place was in a graveyard#they did obviously go out to other places to do their work but like it was mainly there#and despite me nowadays being scared of graveyards#kid me had no fear walking around it and was mainly curious#and i can gurantee everyone in that graveyard would haunt if given disrespect like this lady does#hell i would#like damn one grave she found was buried in a trees area#and she just cut the trees down??? i guess she had a permit or i hope she did because thats crime on tiktok otherwise#and then proceeded to clean the grave while promoting products like her own and asking questions like 'was she pretty?'#and acted like her having no info online means no one cared but like#the person died in the 90s aka when everything wasnt shoved online#let alone had websites for graves
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im going to have to buy cellphones for the rest of my life and if things dont change itll be every 3-5 years forever IF things dont get worse and im so sick of it!!!!!!!!!!! and like yeah my next phone wont be apple cuz fuck apple but even other phones seem to have the same lifespan when it comes to software and im SICK OF IT. im sick of it!!!!!! i wish my next phone could be a small brick that i can fix myself with a youtube video or a zoom call with my dad i want to know that an item im pouring $500+ into will fucking LAST !!!!!
#text#sorry . i was looking at puters bc of the file typething but i dont really need a puter and (hopefully!!) wont for a while#but then i got thinking abt phones and how mine is definitely gonna need a replacement at some point#im guessing i can get another year out of it at least#it seems like the software is supported for like 5 years ish in the past tho with apple i wouldnt be at all surprised if they started#cutting that number down to make ppl need more replacements#ohmy god sidenote my sister was using our portable dvd player and i just reached overto grab my phone and the couch was warm and i was like#huh. so i checked the dvd player and its. SO warm. like that cant be good#shes been gone for like an hour + wasnt using it b4 that cuz she was getting dressed n shit so. what th fuck?#anyway.#techposting
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Good morning rake gang i had a real weird dream and it involved rake!
#tpost#and hats mills#but the main thing that weirded me out was like some weird god-like entity that got free and turned the world into some weird mess and filth#and just altered the world physically and also idk mentally? idk if that makes sense#this all happened thru a course of apparently 200 years- there was some weird gross smelling covered window and i guess#it was some weird portal? to a future alternate timeline or something#the entity could talk too sounded like a funny old man- kept talking about the greatness of persistence and never giving up#rake was there and apparently the entity put them in a coma something about immortality and immortal beings#wasnt sure why i was dreamin bout hats Mills but then like the dream cut to an awake rake in some pitch black void with a very thin layer of#water beneath their feet- rake was just chilling but i guess mills got into the void? mental void? and just said hey 👋 and rake got very#very happy and hugged him tightly and#told him it’s been decades since they saw him and that they don’t know what happened#and then rake started to cry and it was gross bc it got on mills jacket and it was VERY awkward#anyways this was all crazy as fuck because it started out as me wanting to hunt down a cat because it stoll my solidsnake figure (WHICH#I DONT EVEN HAVE IRL SO???)#STOLE* lol ignore all spelling mistakes#but yeah that weird god like eccentric(?) entity that took over the world and#nonchalantly did whatever the fuck it wanted to anybody was fuckin crazy- it wasn’t SUPER HUGE but obviously Extremely large-#the size of like a small building- but they were also just spread EVERYwhere#above and below the ground- and there were flies EVERYwhere too ! weird lookin flies with weird small hands#kinda irritated me because i could hear them buzzing and talking (?) constantlty#and they just COVERED one random dude that got too close to like the god entity#dude just fuckin vanished i think they like ate EVERYTHING lol#should state hats mills didnt come from thay world? they went thru the gross portal thing like me(? i think i was me? or perhaps i was#someone else? idk with my dreams im always changing)#edit: i should add a fee more things id thay in that weird filth world full of like the flesh of a weird ‘god’ is that it was ALWAYS humid#shit was HUMID!!!!
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🤕🩹💊
#ughhhh sighhh im so tired#last night i started getting gallstone attack feelings#i took one of those painkillers i got for it but nothing#then i got such a bad attack ughhh. i even took another pill (idek if u can bc theyre strong nd yk.. precaution necessary) but it did nothin#so i've just been in pain for like 14 hours. idk how i managed to doze off to sleep nd then wake up nd then doze off again several times#it was just so awful skskks#i didnt even do anything different yesterday so i have no idea what triggered it#guess i just gotta cut down on everything like coffee nd the two small squares of chocolate i have :')#guess i just gotta stick to oatmeal nd brown rice nd crushed tomatoes lmaooo i wanna throw up just thinking abt it#but that pain is so awful and i just cant deal w it#it's so frustrating that i have to wait so long to even get a date for the surgery#it's been over a month now and i havent heard anything?!?!???#at least gimme a date so i can know how long i need to keep this up T-T#im so tired of this i just want my health to go back to the way it was before#i wanna exercise for real and i want real food!!!! i cant even use spices bc it's too much... 😔#and like i realize now that i think the gallstones have affected my bodily function for quite a while#i wasnt able to take iron or magnesium supplements or vitamins and stuff bc my body reacted so weirdly to it#i just dont wanna deal w this pain or be scared of what i eat. or eat bland boring food constantly. or not be able to work out#just wanna have the surgery </333 it's so hard to have to sit and wait for it sigh
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