#and if i clear that one they'll use it but then choose a different blocked counter the next tim

[fizzingwizard]

recent adventures in simming...

I made a generic lot and to keep out the NPCs I built a fence around it. the fence is ugly but nothing I can do unless I decide to go the vacation home route again and ugh. don't want to deal with that. so fences it is.

what this meant is that all the NPCs trying to get into the lot just hovered around the front door talking to each other. since the lot is in Copperdale apparently the only NPCs there are the boardwalk workers at the fair, so it was like a party of aprons lmao.

then. for the first time. in eight years of simming. I actually had a sim get abducted by aliens!! lit this has NEVER happened to me before. some people claim it happens annoyingly often but yeah for me it never ever happened. and when it finally does, the aliens take none other than sim!moominmamma x'D whut. was very afraid she'd come home with an alien baby. but seems safe this time lol

aaaaand we are glitch central as usual. not even sure what's going on with those menu options. and that is simply too many ducks. hear me EA? too. many. ducks. x'D

[ariesmoontarot]

𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝙽𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚁𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙:

(What it’ll be like, the energy they’ll give off, how they’ll feel about you, the purpose of this relationship, their next actions, & advice.) (For some of you this is a current relationship.)

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴: (left to right)

♡book a reading here♡

Pile One:

Hey, pile one. It's clear to see your next partner will feel like they feel true love with you. You will be teaching them important life lessons, and because of the way you love them, it's going to help them see their worth. They may have been in unhealthy relationships in the past and I feel like with you they're able to let their guard down and be open. I feel like they had trust issues and settled for less than they deserved in their past relationships and in general, but with you they finally see what love should be like.

The connection between you and this person is definitely not new. This is someone you have history with. If you don't resonate you may want to choose a different pile. So, what I'm getting is that this person has been carrying a lot when it comes to how they feel. They haven't been letting you see how they feel, talking about it, or asking for help even though they feel like they need it. They're going to be feeling indecisive, confused, and second guessing themselves because they're scared of making a choice to commit or not to commit. They know they'll lose out on a good person, and I feel like for some of you, they're having a hard time choosing between you and another person, or whether they want to commit or not. It's like they have this one foot in one foot out energy. Whatever the case may be, I see this person trying to balance out their life. Financially, romantically, spiritually, and emotionally. Maybe even their family life as well. They're definitely going to be juggling a lot all at once and trying to keep everything under control. I feel like they haven't been taking any action or putting in effort into the relationship with you and it feels like they're a bit closed off and hesitant to open up to you because of their fear and insecurities. They could've been a player or was stuck in their ways and with you I feel like you made them feel something they've never felt and even if they hide it well from you, they feel deeply for you. For some of you this person will confess how they feel unexpectedly, and it won't happen right away. You may already or will be going through a period of hot and cold energy, ups and downs, talking then not talking until you guys finally come together. If you even want to be with them. I am seeing that you will feel tied to them still. For some of you, this person may be someone you have history with like I said, and you separated, and during that time they got with someone else but didn't fully commit to that person because they still felt for you, and you felt for them as well, but this wasn't ever said by them. Maybe by you though.

The energy of your person when you guys are going to be getting in a relationship will come off as them being very patient, career oriented, and ambitious. I feel like they're learning to think long term and more practical about the connection with you. In the past they may have not been someone who normally committed or really invested their time and energy into the right things. I feel like they used to think in a more temporary way and let their immaturities and bad habits get in the way. They're going to be the one to initiate having a committed relationship with you because I feel like it aligns with their goals and plans that they have for their future. They see you being a part of it, and I feel like they weren't an honest person in the past. They used to be very sneaky and maybe even deceptive. They also never expressed how they truly felt to anyone because of their own fears. I feel like they'll be wanting to heal with you and spend time alone away from others, meaning blocking the outside noise and interferences out so they could focus more on the relationship with you and bettering themselves. I feel like they will feel very frustrated with themselves because they allowed disruptions and third-party situations to get in the way of them showing up and being there for you. They will be strengthening their faith and cleansing themselves of all the things that got in the way of the relationship and their growth. They will have faith that things are going to get better, and I see them being confident in their approach and wanting to build a home and the create the feeling of success with you. I feel like when they think of their best self they think of you. They only feel like their best when they're around you and you remind them of love. (I literally cried on this part). I feel like you are what they need in a healthy way. You encourage them and inspire them to be better. I see them definitely surprising you and unexpectedly coming clean about how they feel about you.

I feel like this person was very superficial and let materialistic things including their ego control them. This affected the relationship between you guys because they weren't being as genuine as they should have been. I see them feeling bad and really guilty because they know you're the victim in a sense. They know they messed up and they can't run from it anymore. You could have left them because you were fed up with how they acted and treated you. I feel like this triggered them and they realized like "damn they really leaving me." When you guys are getting into this commitment with each other all of this will be on their mind. The history, how they made you feel, how they want to change, and how they want to treat and love you the way you deserved to be loved. They ignored the love and passion they felt for you because it was too intense. Not in a bad way either, they just couldn't handle it. I feel like they don't want to let you go. They don't want to lose you and they will feel a bit powerless because I feel like they're insecure. They don't know if things will work between you guys, but they want them to. I feel like they lack the confidence because your answer or how you feel will determine whether or not you guys are really done. They will be a bit scared of coming towards you and expressing how they feel, but they will. They want to heal and let go of the past. They also want you to heal and they know how much they've disappointed you. I feel like they were feeling so ashamed because you were good to them, and they took you for granted. They trust you; they love you, and they feel like you are the one for them the timing just wasn't right in the past. They want to protect you and the relationship from anything that tries to destroy it again, even themselves. They don't want to hurt you anymore and I feel like they genuinely want to change their life for the better to be able to have you in it. I feel like they cry about you a lot as well.

The purpose of this relationship is to teach the both of you valuable lessons about your self worth, faith, and life in general. I feel like you both will learn forgiveness, honesty, and how to really be your genuine selves. You both argued a lot and I feel like there was so many harsh words said, and painful experiences learned throughout the connection itself and even not being involved with each other, but still being on and off, you both learned lessons with other people and situations too. I feel like for them the lesson was way bigger than it was for you just because they've genuinely never felt deep love and a real connection with someone. That's not to say you felt any different than they do, but it hit them really deep and took them a lot longer to catch on to the truth of their feelings, let alone the connection itself. You both will learn that good things take time and they're challenging. Sometimes you gotta go through hell and back just to find peace. This relationship will lead to commitment and marriage and give the both of you what you really need out of a connection. I also feel like the connection happened so suddenly for the both of you and it was a miracle. Like it was divine intervention when you guys met each other. Could've even been at a party or through a cousin and/or friend. It caught the both of you off guard and neither of you expected to fall in love with each other or to be where you are in the point of time when you're actually committing to each other for the long run. Some of you will even have kids together and things will feel so surreal, almost like a dream come true. I feel like things were going really good in the beginning and maybe even a little too fast and you both needed to learn big lessons so God took the connection and started created situations and experiences so that way you guys can both slow down and start paying attention to the things you needed to see. It may have felt like the worst things started happening and the relationship just started to fall apart out of nowhere, but really it was coming together, and your old lives were changing massively and the energies that kept you stuck were being purged and released. I feel like you both learned to have faith and to trust in divine timing and not your own. It's like God placed you two together and even when you tried to run from them, you couldn't. It's the same way for them. Neither of you can explain the connection or how you feel about each other, but it's deep and it's real.

Your person's next actions will be taking responsibility for their decisions. I feel like they know everything they did to hurt you and all that stuff. I see them wanting to make up for it and they will through their actions literally. There will be challenges of course and a lot of conflict surrounds your person in some way. I feel like there's just obstacles and difficulties they will be dealing with and trying to overcome within themselves and in their life. They are going to restore balance and harmony in the relationship, it's just going to take patience and perseverance and they want to know if you're on board or not, so I see them communicating to you what it is they want and waiting for your response. I also feel like they're going to be tapping into their intuition to try and feel your energy in some way. Like they're going to be trying to read you and look deeper into what you say and do because I feel like you are a bit mysterious and they want to know what's on your mind and what you're doing, feeling, who's around you, and everything. I feel like they're a bit nosey because they care whether or not you're entertaining someone else or if there's something bothering you, they just care about the small things, and they don't want to miss a detail or accidentally miss that you are upset or struggling in some way and just not showing or telling them. I also feel like if you were unfaithful to them in some way, they are going to be working on healing from this. If that doesn't resonate, they're releasing past trauma and fears due to deception that happened in their past. They're also scared of trusting you because of their own deception and how they mistreated you. They don't want you to take revenge or somehow get back at them for hurting you. I also feel like it's hard for them to get through to you. You can come off as very cold, detached, and not revealing too much when you're upset, and they don't want you to leave them so I see them doing all they can to mend things with you.

The advice for you is to learn from your past, use your wisdom and discernment moving forward. Know that endings bring new beginnings and it's time for change. This relationship will change and grow from where it is currently and so will you. Embracing change and learning to live life open mindedly will help you. Letting go of pessimistic feelings and feelings of resentment, apathy, and bitterness will benefit you and the relationship itself. Being happy on your own and learning to embrace your own company and feeling content within yourself no matter what. You will be successful and when you allow yourself to feel accomplished and happy you will start to manifest changes in all areas of your life. I see a wish fulfillment happening and Spirit is saying to allow the energy of expansion into your life. Do new things that bring you joy, connect with others, be open to change, and embrace the lessons you've learned. You gotta learn to open yourself up wholeheartedly. It's also important to embrace the present moment and allow yourself to feel joyful and abundant. Have more gratitude and compassion towards yourself and others.

Pile Two:

Hey pile two! I feel like your current or next partner will be someone who felt love at first sight with you. They could definitely love your smile and same for you about them. I feel like there is a very deep spiritual connection between you guys and none of the superficial things can get in the way of that. You both love each other deeply and you'll be very supportive of each other in every way. I also feel like this person will be someone you can always depend on to be there, and they'll always be your biggest fan, lifting you up when you're down, investing in you, and I feel like quality time will be a big thing between you.

The relationship between you guys will move very gradually. It'll take some time, effort, and patience to build up the momentum. However, I feel like the attraction and connection will happen very quickly. Things will be very passionate, and I feel like they'll be caring, charismatic, and show you exactly how they feel about you, boldly. I see both of you balancing and healing each other in the places needed. They will be someone who is very mature and they know exactly what they want and how to get it. Not in a bad way. I also feel like sexually there will be intense chemistry and it'll be very exciting. This could be a new person for a lot of you. I see them showering you with love, affection, and attention. They definitely want to provide for you, support you, and lead you in a good direction. I feel like things will be so peaceful and flow almost effortlessly, but of course you both have to put in effort. This relationship will be divinely guided, and I feel like there is this telepathic, magical, feeling you get with them. It's like you connect very deeply in every way and sometimes you know what they're going to say or do before they even do it. It's like you read each other's energy. I also feel like the third eye chakra is very significant. You may have had dreams about this person or intuitive nudges like yeah this is the one. I also feel like in the beginning, obviously commitment won't happen immediately. It's going to take time because you're both finishing certain cycles in your life and letting go of toxic behaviors and addictions. I feel like you may be frustrated in the beginning because you don't quite understand why things are happening the way they are and you may be facing obstacles that require you to have a great deal of patience and persistence. I feel like things won't be super emotional at first because you and this person are being pushed to focus on creating stability for yourselves and learning how to feel abundant without all the superficial things. Sometimes you both may wish you can just be together and forget all of the problems and responsibilities in the world. There is a lot you won't see in the beginning but give it time things will bloom when they're meant to.

So, the energy this person will give off is someone who is charming, exciting, idealistic, and very assertive and passionate. I feel like they will be experiencing a hard period of their life when you meet them. I feel like for some of you this is someone you already know who take it how it resonates, but there is distance and separation. I feel they may feel frustrated and moody because of it. Whatever they're going through, they're going to be quite overwhelmed and guarded over their feelings. I feel like they may be scared that you will leave them, and they've been in very toxic situations to where they're a bit co-dependent at times. There is an energy of co-dependency here. It could also be them fighting addictions and bad habits of co-dependency relating to a drug or specific thing that they indulge in. I see them being very loving, generous, and affectionate to you because they don't want to lose you. They're going to be open to receiving your love and anything you give them because they want a relationship with you. I do feel like you know things about this person that they're scared of, almost like they're assuming you may hold it against them. They may have been a player, a liar, a cheater, doesn't have the best reputation and they're aware of it. I also feel like for some of you if you already know this person, they may have ghosted you and entertained other people, and you feel for deeply them but you're not about to allow yourself to be played. It's like they wanted you to chase them at some point. I feel like if that's the case for you, you distanced yourself from this person and they're aware of it. They may even be avoiding you themselves. They will come in to ask for your forgiveness and hope to balance things out between you guys again. For others, I feel like this person did some dirt in the past either to you or in another situation, and it's catching up to them and their karma will be weighing on them and the connection they have with you. They'll be trying to make the best of the situation, but it's going to be challenging for them to be open and emotionally available for a little bit because of the guilt and burdens they may be releasing. For those of you that know this person, they came to you with this strong and passionate energy in the beginning, then I feel like you bonded quickly and connected so deeply it scared them and they went on full defense mode and started acting nonchalant. They are used to being in control and dominating others, but with you they feel a bit vulnerable. I see they may have started acting different with you and stopped doing the things they did to get you in the first place. Their energy switched up.

I feel like they really do love you and they don't quite know how to show you that. You're so gentle, kind, nurturing, and protective of them. They love you for who you are, and I feel like they have a vision for their future with you in it. They're just really anxious and scared of opening up to you because of their insecurities. They have trust issues and fear emotional intimacy. They feel like you're very self-assured and independent. You guys will share the same goals, values, and morals. I feel like they want to be a team with you and come together to make things work. They want to overcome challenges and obstacles together, but it's just taking time to get to where they feel open to expressing this to you. Cigarettes After Sex could be significant. I feel like for you, you haven't met the best type of people when it comes to relationships, and it sometimes makes you feel a lack of faith in love. They feel like you're looking ahead and trying your best to stay motivated and focused no matter what happens in life. You don't want to get too distracted or sad especially about them, but they feel your energy. They feel like you're in a low spirit and feeling a bit hurt emotionally. They've seen your best or at least your uplifted energy and they know you're struggling right now no matter how much you keep it together. I feel like they feel you're scared to love again, and you hide how you feel because of it. You don't normally open up about how you feel, it could be because of a lack of trust or fear. You might even be really cold at times even though you don't want to be. Even if you don't know this person, which most of you do but they will feel your energy heavily. I speak in the present moment because it's energy, but it doesn't mean it's happening now in this moment although it could be. I feel like you feel depleted of your compassion and sympathy, and they feel this too. They know you're very discerning and careful about who you love and where you invest your time, love, and energy. They actually admire how smart, independent, and compassionate you are. I feel like deep down they know you love so deeply. It's just the energy you give off.

The purpose of this relationship is to teach the both of you how to get out of your own heads and to open yourself up to new things in life. It's like the both of you are going to be in need of excitement, optimism, and passion. Life may be a little dull and this connection is going to brighten things up for the both of you. I feel like this is a divine relationship and together you will accomplish many things you didn't know you would. It's definitely going to teach you both how to be patient with good things. I also feel like you will both learn to deepen your faith and start listening to your intuition more often. I see both of you learning to let go of things that you deeply held onto for the sake of your own pride and learning how to trust in God's plan for your life. You both will be feeling more confident and like your best selves around each other and when you're apart you'll definitely feel each other's energy even stronger. I also feel like you will go through a lot with this person and it's going to show you that no matter how much time passes, how challenging things get, or how far apart you are, love will always win. Music will be a big thing between you as well. You and this person may overthink your feelings about each other because you never felt anything this deep. It's so easy to just walk away and settle for something less because putting in real time and effort is hard sometimes. It's hard to open up and truly be open with your love and show yourself for who you really are. But for this love, I see both of you learning to surrender and letting go of control.

I see them realizing they like themselves better with you and taking actions to open themselves up to you. I feel like they're going to be very excited when they pursue you about their feelings and they have this very gleeful, childlike energy when it comes to you. Not in an immature way either. It's like they feel safe and comfortable around you. You bring happiness into their life where they only felt darkness. I feel like they're putting down the swords and done being closed off about how they feel. They put themselves in a place to be in a combative energy towards you anytime you wanted to speak your mind to them. It's like they didn't want to understand you and didn't try to be open to a thing you said to them. They stuck to their beliefs and what they felt like they wanted to say or do and shut you out in a way. They're going to reciprocate the love you gave to them back to you. I feel like they're also reflecting back on good memories or conversations they had with you to remind them of how good it feels to be in your presence. They're gonna come in quickly and unexpectedly because they felt eager to act upon their feelings. They are confident things will be very good between you guys and there is so much potential to create in this relationship that they will be ready and determined to make it happen. Like I said before, if they entertained someone else or got with someone else, all they thought about was you. They love you and they been known this, they just never said anything because they were too much in their ego to act upon what they really wanted. I feel like the changes they needed to make, they weren't ready to make, and out of the literal blue you can expect them to express how they feel. If you don't know this person, I feel like you will get in a connection with someone not expecting of this to happen, but then it does and catches you off guard. Of course, every situation is different, but you will know where the pieces fit for your life. Your love moves this person in ways they can't even explain so know that they will mean whatever it is they say to you.

The advice for you is to move on from the past experiences, thoughts, feelings, and people that are interfering with you and your growth. I feel like you'll have let go of things that negatively impact your thoughts about love and this relationship in general. Move at your own pace when it comes to opening up emotionally and be more patient with yourself. There is no need to rush. Things will move at a steady pace for you two anyways because of how they feel as well. I feel like working on your confidence and building stability within yourself will help you in general and in the connection. There may be a certain attitude you've been feeling towards life at this time that may feel apathetic, unhappy, and just a bit miserable honestly. This is the time to focus on changing this, so it doesn't affect you or your relationship later down the road. It's time to let yourself live and experience the feeling of joy. Also let go of the fear of rejection. I know it's easier said than done, but it's affecting your self-esteem negatively to where you don't want to love or open yourself up anymore. You may tell yourself you're fine with being alone, you don't need to be in a relationship, you don't want to be with them anymore, but in reality you actually do. You're hurting over things they did that hurt you or over things from past relationships and it's putting you in a resentful and bitter type of energy. This is what you need to focus on in this very moment. Being mad and angry won't solve anything. It's okay to feel disappointed and upset, but do not live in that energy forever. Don't build your life around your pain. Learn from what happened in your past with them or in general so you can fully open up to this person. Don't allow gossip or other people to get in your head about them. You know how you feel. Other people don't really understand how you feel deep down about certain things and it's not good to always take advice from others. I also feel like if you gossip about things that happen in your love life, it's better to keep things to yourself. This new person or new energy of a current person is someone you are meant to be with. It'll work if both people are willing. You must be willing to do your part as well.

Pile Three:

Hi pile three! I feel like you and your current or next partner will feel like you are ride or die. I see you both sticking together and never against each other no matter what. I feel like even when you may argue or disagree you come back together quickly and always forgive each other. You also will be deeply intimate with each other in every way, and I feel like they'll never want to let you go. I'm feeling this energy like you both will have gone through a lot in terms of love, and taking deep breaths to relax yourself will benefit you greatly and help to loosen up a bit, especially if you've been feeling tense emotionally. I feel like for those of you who know this person already, they are sorry about neglecting you and not being as supportive and loving as they could've been. You may not trust them or have a hard time listening to anything they say because of how they've disappointed or betrayed you in some way. Take that how it resonates. For others I feel like sometimes you may doubt this person's love for you and not fully trust that they mean what they say because of your past. They will be a bit distracted or not as focused on you in the beginning of the connection/relationship because I feel like they may be focused on work, or something else is taking up their time and energy. I definitely see if this is a current relationship, you're going through a bit of a rough patch, and you don't feel as open and trusting when it comes to this person. They feel like they're going to have to dig deep within themselves to learn how to better express their love and make certain life changes because they don't want you to leave them or see you with someone else for that matter.

The relationship itself will be balanced and harmonious between you. I feel like you bring light to their world and help them understand themselves and love better than they ever have. I feel like the relationship is going to help both of you feel more complete and happier with each other. At times both of you feel dissatisfied and a lack of confidence in the connection because of fear. These fears are things that kept the both of you stuck and feeling like you had to escape this relationship or intimacy in general. I feel like both of you dealt with toxicity in love. I see you and this person are both people who overthink your feelings and experiences to the point where you may self-sabotage or make fear-based decisions at times. I feel like you and this person will be going through a phase in your life where work could be draining, you're dealing with family conflicts, conflict in your relationship, or just in life. Whatever it is, things have felt a bit cold and lonely emotionally, either during your current relationship or when you meet your new person. You're both going to be deeply in love but in the initial stages of the connection, I feel like things will be a little dull and not as emotional between you. I see them feeling a bit insecure and unsure of their self. I feel like they're learning their self-worth and trying to feel more grounded within themselves because the changes that are happening around them are a bit overwhelming and I feel like they're trying to embody an independent and self-assured energy. Sometimes they also may come off as very confident and like everything is fine, maybe even a bit egotistical at times. I feel like they're going to be trying to hold onto you and the relationship and trying to do just enough to keep you from leaving, but not enough to maintain the relationship. You may feel a bit sad and shut out by them in a way and I feel like they're too distracted to really notice or empathize with how you're feeling. They're going feel unhappy with what they have materialistically speaking and taking you for granted in a sense. It's like they're hyper focused on boosting themselves up and too scattered to actually see how they're affecting the connection. I see they feel deep love for you, but I see them trying to hide how they really feel and only reveal so much because they feel like how they feel is a burden to them in some way. I feel like in a way they are at a distance from you, and they feel like if they allow themselves to feel too much, they're going to lose control in some way. I feel like this person doesn't necessarily know how to multitask. They're also very scared of change. When they focus on the relationship, they really focus on it, but their main priorities or what they value more comes first. They could feel like in order to have a relationship for the long run they have to be financially stable. They want to feel good and abundant so they can share this with their partner. I feel like they just need someone who will believe in them and support them. Someone who will be patient. I see they will have their guard up and they're carrying this heavy weight because deep down they are actually so stressed out, they just don't share their burdens with others. I feel like they're going to be a little upset with themselves because they feel like they're missing out on some type of change or opportunity to physically be there with you, but they're trying to do things in a way they feel like is right. Take that how it resonates. For some of you, this person literally can't be there physically right now so they're focusing on what they can control. Whether that means they're incarcerated, in a different city/state, or somehow just not near you. They will open up to you about how they feel it's just going to take some patience. They'll need to let go of their ego and be more open to change and learn to balance their priorities out a bit more.

The energy they'll give off is someone who is very confident within themselves and I feel like they are someone who has game. They definitely pull people in a charming way. I feel like they are used to getting their way and with you things are different. They feel like they fell in love with you in a mysterious way. Almost like it was very sudden and unexpected. They didn't think things would go the way they did or will between you guys. I also feel like they will do things to test your love for them. Maybe intentionally or maybe just habitually speaking. They feel deeply for you, so they question whether you feel the same way. They give off this energy like they're going to be enjoying themselves and life. I also feel like they have a bit of an old school vibe. Like early 2000's player vibes. It's giving Justin Timberlake, Usher, Chris Brown. They're also very flirty and playful. I also feel like they're gonna feel like they enjoy being around you and things are fun. However, they don't feel like this is just some little one-night stand, summer fling type of thing. They want to love you. They just have this image they portray, and I feel like you see right past it. They hide their true feelings and I feel like intuitively you'll know this. They either already have or will be someone who gets caught up in the superficial things. I feel like they did have that image of trying to be someone who got it like that when they really don't. They're guarded in love and trying to pretend to be someone they aren't. Unfortunately, they're gonna need to slow down and take a deep look within and they are going to be forced to do this by divine intervention. I feel like they spend more money than they have, they love the finer things, and they feel materialistic things bring happiness, but they're going to come to realize that's not what makes them happy. They were impulsive, reckless, and a little too free spirited. I feel like they give off this foolish and naive energy. A bit childish even. However, it's their ego. Around the time when you are meeting or getting in a commitment with this person, I feel like they're going to be closing this chapter of their life and learning that they need to grow up. For some of you they messed up with you many times and they're going to want to make up for this. They're in this fantasy of not really knowing how to discern between what is temporary and what isn't. I feel like you just gotta have some patience with them because they are learning. Compassion is needed from you and even if they don't show that they appreciate it, they really do. They know you love them. Despite everything that you may have gone through with them and even them not understanding what temporary fulfillment is, through all this confusion they are only sure of one thing and that is you. You bring balance to their life. I feel like they're going to be going through some karma, legal matters, or a situation where they're facing the consequences of their actions in some way. So, if they're struggling it's just their karma and a valuable life lesson not to take things for granted, especially people who deeply love and care for them. If this is a current person, I feel like they're thinking of the gossip surrounding the connection with you and maybe just gossip about themselves too. They're guilty and if they deceived you, I'm hearing others know about this. Their ego just felt a need to prove others wrong, but they can't hide the truth about who they really are forever. The truth came to light and they're guilty about all of the wrong doings they have done. I feel like people they thought loved them deceived them too as a result of their karma for deceiving you and others and trying to manipulate the outcome of fate. I feel like they're starting to see how they may have judged you and treated you unfairly. They listened to another person gossip about you and made the mistake of taking their side. I feel like they released this person and they're seeing how they were deceived by them.

I see your person resting, trying to spend time self-reflecting, & trying to sleep off how they feel about everything. They want to protect this connection from outside interferences, and I see them healing. They're hoping for a miracle or something grand to happen that will bring change and growth into their life.

How they feel about you is like you lead them in a positive direction. They feel lost without you. You inspire them, motivate them, encourage them, love them, and your very supportive. I feel like you bring them so much joy and happiness. With you they have sight, and they feel a drive to change their life for the better. They want you. No matter how they may act or what front they put on, they want to be with you and only you. They regret not being there for you the way you deserve deep down. They had to do all these things just to distract themselves from feeling how they really feel about you. They want to admit it to you that they were wrong about how they may have acted or treated you and I feel like when they do they know you're going to take pride in it. But not in a bad way, you just know they were wrong and hearing them admit it to you is relieving. I feel like because you want to make sure they're aware of how they hurt you. I'm hearing the song "Here Comes the Sun". I feel like this is a sign clarity and healing are coming. Joy is on its way, and I feel like aside from the worldly things, they know they love you no matter what. This could be someone you grew up with or knew from a younger age for some of you. You've been there through it all. I feel like you met this person when they had nothing. You witnessed them change up and reach a higher point in life just to fall down. But there you are, there for them. You are their backbone. But it's been lonely waiting for them to reciprocate. You give and give, and they know it's their turn to give back. They don't want you to leave them or be unfaithful in some way. Maybe in the past for those of you who are with this person, you both deceived each other. They don't want this to happen and they're afraid you may be unfaithful to them. That's why communication is a bit difficult. Talking to them is challenging at times. They're a bit combative and I feel like they don't necessarily listen or hear you out. They also feel like you may be like this to them too. Even if you guys don't have a history of deceiving each other and this is all fresh, communication is still a bit challenging. Sometimes a little conflict can be healthy and create a feeling of passion between you when it's resolved but be sure not to let your ego just create stress and arguments for the sake of being right. I feel like now is a good time to just go with the flow and let things fall into place. You're a light in their life and I feel like they're at a standstill and feeling a bit stagnant with you right now, but it's because they're learning to see things from a different perspective. You're a bit irritated with them, because of how they've treated you but the best thing to do is reflect and take some time to relax and think before you rush into speaking your mind or acting a certain way towards them. Having more compassion always helps, even when you're tired of loving. If you're overly stressed take a step back and ground yourself. I feel like they just want to get past this with you. All of the challenges and obstacles you've been through together, they just want to overcome these hard times with you. They know the easiest thing to do is leave and maybe that's what they did instead of working things out with you because they know when you speak your mind you really speak it. They could be scared to really open up about how they feel because they know how you feel and how you're upset. They also know how you communicate when you're stressed, you can be a bit hostile or irritable, but for good reason. I see them letting go of this victim mentality and realizing the pain and disappointment they've caused you too. They feel like you guys complete each other and I see them wanting to marry you. Acts of service could be a love language here and I see them really wanting to take care of you and just support you. I'm hearing "in sickness and health". They're finally going to see the way forward with you clearly. I feel like they want to build with you and create success together.

They also feel like you have too much pride too sometimes. Your egos clash, but I see you letting go of your pride and just opening up to them. You’re tired of fighting, arguing, not talking, or just always wanting to be right and so are they. I feel like no one is truly right and both of you are in the wrong in your own ways.

The purpose of this relationship is to teach both of you how to be true to yourselves. I see you both learning to set healthier boundaries and how to express your true feelings positively. This person is learning how to mature emotionally meanwhile you’re learning to mature mentally and change the way you perceive and see into situations. You both bring each other so much joy and love. I feel like you also heal each other’s inner child. I see you both creating the family and home life you’ve always wanted as a child. That revolves around stability, love, security, peace, safety, & a foundation that isn’t temporary. I feel like you both want to have a good life. I mean who doesn’t you know? But together you will both complement each other in ways that are perfect. I feel like you were both divinely made for each other. That’s cliche but it’s true. This is a connection God is helping to be restored and healed. You both could’ve even prayed for God to mend things between you in some way. I see both of you strengthening your faith and learning how to be optimistic even in the hardest of times. You’re both stronger and able to endure more things in life because of everything you’ve been through or will go through together. All things will work together for the greater good.

Their next actions are to heal and spend time self reflecting learning more about themselves. I see them alone, in solitude trying to understand how they feel and why they do the things they do. It’s like they’re trying to understand how everything they’ve ever done led up to the point they’re already in or will be. Especially in the relationship I feel like they want to learn from their mistakes and change their approach. They want to love you better and be better for the connection and for themselves. They are tired of temporary things. I see them learning their worth and how to truly value themselves and love. They’re learning to have respect, understanding, compassion, and patience. I also feel like they’re someone who was stuck in their ways for a long time. I see them gaining clarity about the person they were and how their actions affected this connection or how they love in general. They will express their feelings to you and come clean about how much they’ve been hiding in terms of their love for you. I also see an apology for some of you. I also see they’re going to be more dedicated and faithful. I see them being more perseverant and not giving up at first sight of complications. They’re learning that facing challenges head on and learning to work through them and problem solve is better than just running and ignoring the problems they face. Especially when it comes to saying what needs to be said and doing what needs to be done. They’re maturing in ways they’ve never imagined. Obviously there is always a point in life where we must literally grow up and face things that are uncomfortable in our adult life and they’re learning that those temporary ways and things from their teenage years or young adult life isn’t the way to live forever. Life isn’t always going to be all fun and carelessly adventurous. We must take the time, energy, and effort to nurture and care for the things we want to grow. We can’t just be flighty and scattered all the time and expect things to flourish in a productive and long term way. I see them learning this and making the changes to be more diligent and practical about their approach to the relationship and their life. I also see them being more appreciative of you and the good things in life. They’re going to be more responsible and I see them developing integrity.

The advice for you is to be more patient. Love yourself more, forgive, and take the time to nurture those parts of you that feel most vulnerable. I feel like if you’re stressed out and feeling very tense that is a sign you need time to ground yourself and pull your energy back towards you. Find ways to create peace and stability emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. You don’t want to take out negative feelings on others accidentally or unintentionally. It’s easy to project our fears and insecurities on others when we are overwhelmed or burdened by thoughts. It’s also good to communicate how we feel, but not coming from a scattered or negative way. Communicate your emotions in a healthy way not in a way where you are blaming others or being a bit insensitive. Carefully express how you feel. Giving yourself the time to feel your emotions and sort them out before explaining them always helps. I also feel like be careful and discerning about who you consult in for advice. Don’t always listen to others opinions or feelings about your situations. Nobody knows what’s best for you like you do. Sometimes people will have good advice for you, but not always. Not everyone understands your situation and some people are biased. I feel like you can overthink your feelings and experiences at times and it puts you in a place of fear and self sabotage. You may feel trapped in your mind and the hurt replays over and over in your mind. Know that your life doesn’t only consist of betrayal and deception. It’s not meant to be continuously painful. It’s all about how you see it and your perspective on your experiences. Do you try to see things positively? There is a lesson in everything you go through & even if you don’t understand things right away you will in time. But it doesn’t mean to stop living and enjoying life when you feel hurt. Life involves taking chances and risks because you never know what may happen. But how will you learn and experience things if you don’t allow yourself to? Moving past betrayal and traumatic experiences is important for your growth and your future. Self reflection and spending time in solitude will help you understand yourself better and how you feel. You will overcome every challenge you face even if it doesn’t seem like it. Time never stops and you heal with time even when you don’t want to or have a hard time moving forward. You are forced to move forward always. It’s good to listen to other peoples ideas or plans and come together with people who inspire you or help you grow. Even if it’s forgiving those who have hurt you and working with them to create a better outcome. You gotta learn to trust yourself more and tap into your inner voice. Not your fear or your critical mind, your intuitive side. Your inner wisdom. Be more kind to yourself too. I feel like you may be self critical at times and overthink the negative things you don’t like about yourself and others. Change the way you approach others and situations. Cultivate the feeling of confidence and strength. Find what moves you. What brings you joy and creativity? I also feel like when someone hurts you or is a bit rude and judgmental over you, try to remain calm and collected. It’s best to approach situations kindly and mindfully. Don’t react impulsively and irrationally. It’s time to get out of your head and more into your physical life. That involves making changes, taking action, leading your life in a more positive direction. Rather than staying still and overthinking everything, start doing and feeling. Own your energy and show off that confidence!

Pile Four:

Hi pile four! I feel like your person is in love with you and no matter what happens they love you. Even if you aren’t talking they just want you to know they deeply care for you and I feel like they hope you feel the same for them. They also think about you a lot and people think their crazy for feeling so deeply for you but they won’t deny their love. I also feel like some of you may meet this person after an ending of a tough relationship. Others of you already know this person and after a tough phase of your relationship with them I feel like you’re in this energy of feeling a bit triggered by them, but you’re independent and I see you focused on positive things and moving forward no matter what. You don’t let things get to you and control the way you behave or live your life. I feel like you’re very confident and true to yourself. You know your worth and you know when to set the limit and establish boundaries. You’re very passionate and strong willed. I feel like they love this about you. I feel that after facing tough challenges, obstacles, setbacks, and hard situations you’re maturing and evolving in every way. I feel like something someone else or this person did triggered you and pushed you to endure painful things that pushed you into becoming who you truly are.

I feel like if you guys ever argue or get into tough situations they will want to resolve it quickly because they don’t like to be on bad terms with you. Especially over little things. They feel it’s a waste of energy to be mad or angry. They’d rather be loving you and enjoying things. I feel like you both can’t sleep and you struggle a bit when you’re upset with each other. I see that you got them invested in you. They want to change their ways and love you in the way you deserve. I’m not even hyping you up but the energy doesn’t lie. I feel like things will be very balanced between you and this is someone you will build with financially and romantically. The type of relationship you’ll have for the long run. I feel like you dealt with that noncommittal, doubtful, & unfaithful energy. Either from them or your past relationship. I feel like you’re fighting for love and you’ve endured so much loss and hardship just trying to get the things you want in life. In this relationship I feel like you may be a bit tired and emotionally drained in a way because of all you’ve experienced. There is deep love and passion here but I see you’re going to be struggling with feeling enthusiastic and empathetic because of some type of deception you’ve dealt with. Your trust isn’t there as much as it could be and you’re guarded. I feel like you’re being logical and taking your time with opening yourself up instead of just acting on a desire or a temporary feeling. You’re standing on business fr. I see you don’t let people in easily and they’re gonna have to fight for your love. It’s like prove it. “Don’t say it to me, I want you to show me” energy. You’re letting go of past energies and feelings and just going through a massive change. I feel like you’re ready for new things and making healthier decisions in love and life overall. You’ve been broke down and completely hurt in terms of love and you aren’t tolerating any less than you deserve. I feel like In the beginning of the relationship things will be challenging and they’ll take time to progress. You’re very loving, nurturing, and empathetic but you are also very generous with your love and I feel that you’ve been taken advantage of in the past so you won’t come off as this right away. You are going to be getting over insecurities and letting go of bad habits that create fear. I feel like you’re guarding your heart and protecting your energy so you don’t get manipulated or charmed. For some of you if this is a current partner, they may have did this to you and you’re just not having it. I see you focused on yourself and growing. Although you will love this person you won’t be very open at first. Things are a bit mysterious here and I feel like sometimes it’s hard for them to read your energy and understand how you really feel. You’re very independent and self assured and I feel like they know you don’t need anyone so apart of them feels insecure and like they aren’t good enough for you. They’re used to toxic relationships and codependency but you aren’t like this. You aren’t controlling and obsessive. You’re grounded and you know what you want and you’re very sure of yourself. I mainly see that in the beginning things will be moving slowly and you‘ll be making this person work for your love in a positive way. You have self control and I feel like your not just someone who does things in a irrational and uncontrolled way. You influence and lead others and you push this person to have to change and grow in order to be with you. Your standards for love are high. I feel like they even tried to tell you what they think you want to hear just to get you more invested, but they aren’t fooling anyone. They don’t know how to approach you and I feel like they’re a lil bit intimidated. They may even ask other people for help to try and be smarter about their approach. I see them trying hard to attract you. Im hearing “come correct, or don’t come at all”.

The energy they’ll be in is feeling accomplished and successful. They see building a relationship with you as a goal. They want you in their life for the long run and they’re giving this energy like they’re ready to commit and invest in a life with you. I also see marriage strongly. They’re someone who is learning how to express themselves and they’re doing all they can to study you and new things overall. They’re a bit shy too. At least with you they are when it comes to talking about their feelings. I see they’re someone who watches and tries to calculate all their steps and they get information about you from others or they have ways of finding things out. They watch you or observe all that you do so they can learn to read you. I see them working on their financial stability and how to create long term opportunities. They want to feel successful and happy with you and in life in general and they’re spending time alone educating themselves on all the things they want to invest in. They never really had joy that lasts and they want this. They’re tired of the temporary things and I feel like them spending time alone is helping them cleanse their energy and life of the things that do not serve them or the connection with you. They feel a bit rejected by you because they may have approached you in a way that was flirty and a lil bit immature and after asking for help from others or something like that they were able to get a response or reaction from you in some way. They’re learning how to approach you and what you like from a partner. I see them learning to love you in your love language. They know this love is worth putting in the time and effort for. They don’t know how you got them the way you do but you just move them in ways no one can. I feel like they are learning deep lessons and becoming more self aware. They’re definitely going to be very determined and focused on building and investing. So if that means they’re working overtime or just doing things with more care, effort, and patience it’s because they’re creating stability and security so they can invest in a future with you. They might even be private about their feelings or not as open and affectionate towards you. Their energy changed after you may have rejected them in a way and it’s because they’re showing you instead of trying to explain it. For some of you I see them literally writing you a hand written letter, song, or poem.

They feel like you want something grand. Like they know your standards are high and you don’t accept the bare minimum. I feel like they’re going to surprise you in some way. They feel you’re not being as open and expressive with your love right away. They feel your energy and they see how you’re focused on your goals and more permanent things. They see you as someone who is very faithful, loyal, and caring. They feel you’re determined to get what you want and they see how disciplined and goal oriented you are. They know you aren’t going to make foolish or impulsive decisions. They feel like you express the deepest part of yourself when you know it’s safe to. Even though you are open and genuine, you don’t just submit quickly. It takes time and trust for you to open up wholeheartedly. It takes literal action and change for you to believe someone is actually invested in you for the right reasons. You don’t waste your time or energy. For those who are currently with this person, they feel like they pushed you to be this way because of how they‘ve hurt you. They feel like they know your pain and they understand how you feel because they’ve been betrayed too. They want to heal with you and I feel like they see how you’ve grown and overcome so much. They’re inspired by your growth and how much you’ve changed. I feel like you’ve come out of a place of depression and apathy and they see how your depression and sadness has turned you into someone who is careful and smart about everything you do. Even with who you spend your time with. You turn them on and they’re doing things for you they’ve never done before. For current relationships, I feel like they miss you and they need you more than you know. They feel like you know more about love than they do and they’re trying to show you how they’re learning how to love you. They’re trying to show you that they’re changing. They’re seeing you turn dreams into reality and you don’t want to just live in this fantasy of what things could be. You go out and actually make things happen or at least try to. They’re beyond grateful to have you in their life and they see you’re very grateful yourself. For some of you, you have a baby with this person and they’re so thankful you’re the one they have a baby with. They see how you sometimes are a perfectionist and you fear things going a way that doesn’t serve your interests but not in a negative way. You’re just very calculated and you plan things out in a very organized and strategic way. You’re very protective over your energy and your heart and they feel like right now you’re being patient with yourself and in this period of rest and rejuvenation. You’re healing and creating balance within yourself and your life. I feel like they may feel you have a fear of abandonment and you fear getting too close or letting someone really close to you because they may just up and leave you. You’ve been betrayed either by them or yes a past person and they are aware of how you are when it comes to trusting. They are co-dependent on you right now because they need you. They need your help, your support, your advice, your love, your kindness. Just you in general. They’re scared to lose you and they feel like you’re the only one who genuinely cares for them. They’re trying to reciprocate what you give and love you in the way you need to be loved. You give them what they need and they’re so thankful for you. They may not show it yet but they are trying to. They’re working behind the scenes to prove it to you. They even think about you before they go to sleep and they think about kissing you. I’m hearing the song candy kisses when she says “like a kid in a candy store, always wanting to come back for more”. They’re realizing with you the love is true and they don’t want to miss another second with you. The love between you guys is insanely deep.

The purpose of this relationship is to teach you both about a long term relationship and a love that is meant to last. This connection is one that is made for marriage. It’s all about planning, determination, patience, and discipline. I definitely feel like this person is going to purpose to you for some of you. Take that how it resonates. This relationship is going to teach you to let go of things that need to be released and I see this is a blessing for the both of you from God. It is meant to show you that good things take time and all the hard work and energy you give always pays off in due time. I see you’re meant to have a family and build a foundation with this person. Whether it be creating a business together, a big family legacy, or just something that creates generational wealth and stability. You’re creating a line of abundance, security, happiness, and joy. This is a such a good vibe I get from your connection and no matter how hard things get between you, I feel like you always come back together. This is a big lesson for this person especially. They were immature and a player. I feel like they chose to give their heart to you and change their ways to keep you in their life. They learned how to change and step into their divine masculine or embody the energy they needed in order to take initiative and lead themselves and others in a positive way. I see you both sacrificing temporary things in order to build together. God is with y’all!!

I see them using the time they have alone or in separation from you to self reflect and tap into their inner voice. They’re learning more about themselves and how to guide themselves using the wisdom they’ve gained. They’re just waiting for some type of miracle or something to happen to give them this epiphany on what to do. They feel kinda stuck like they don’t know what next action or step to take and they’re going a lil crazy thinking about you, missing you, or wanting to be with you. I see an apology for some of you coming in. They’re sorry about how they may have disappointed you. They’re stressed out and they don’t feel as successful as they want to be. They feel like with you things aren’t moving the way they want them too as well. They’re feeling stuck and they need your comfort and your love right now because they’re going through some pressure and overwhelming situations. They’re coming out of indecision and I see them making a choice to show up and prove themselves to you. They wasted your love and took it for granted in some way or for others they feel like your love hasn’t been appreciated the way it should be and I see them coming towards you with a gift, opportunity, or offer in some way. They’re done with this challenging energy they may have had. I feel like they had other options or people interfering with their feelings and they’re seeing things more clearly. They’re sad and trying their best to be positive. I feel like when they come towards you it’s because they genuinely need you to be there for them and support them. They need you and even if they may not express it in a very emotional way or literally ask for it, they will mean what they say. They felt love at first sight with you and they been knew it was real they just weren’t ready in that moment to commit. You’re a bit stubborn and I feel like your heart is very guarded and I see they will be trying their very best to get close to you, especially with all the stress and pressure that they’re under they’re still trying to make the time to show up and give you what you need.

The advice for you is to let go of any hostility or the need to be right. Fighting won’t solve anything and I feel like being defensive and blocking this person out isn’t either. It’ll be a time to have compassion and love. Whether it’s now or later. Whenever this person is in your life. It is safe to love and right now it’s important to spend time doing productive things. Don’t gossip or tell everyone your business about this relationship either. Like friends or what not. Not everyone needs to be in the mix. I feel like you and this person will be connecting deeply and building a friendship together. Things may be lonely and a little bit sad right now for you but spirit is saying to stop and don’t isolate yourself any longer. You’ve been lonely and feeling down and it’s important not to rush anything including yourself. I feel like if there’s people in your life that aren’t healthy or positively influencing you it’s time to let them go. Creating change by doing things differently and letting go of things that aren’t good for you will help you bring this in a bit faster. Also be sure to let go of any judgmental energy you may have. You’re healing from betrayal and past trauma and you don’t want to keep going in circles so be sure to self reflect and connect with yourself deeply so you can find healthy ways of coping with your negative feelings instead of talking about them with others and creating more negativity for yourself. You may be a lil bit judgmental over yourself and the negative feelings you face and spirit is saying to feel them through and release them. Be more private and try your best to reflect on the feelings you feel so you can better understand the root of them or why you’re still feeling down. It’s best to focus on yourself especially if you’re feeling lonely. When you feel lonely it’s for a reason and if you’re in this period of being pushed into solitude it’s because that’s what you need to cleanse and rid yourself of the negative energy weighing on you.

[vetrenar]

Ok, the second part of my rambles or why hugging Knives should be considered a form of convention weapon and must be used as often as possible.

A little disclaimer: what I'm gonna to talk about is applied mostly to Stampede and manga Knives. Not so much to 98, because while, objectively speaking, there is no reason for it, I kind of have a feeling that other two would very like to punch him to a pulp. The guy has an incredibly punchable face.

...Sorry, wrong picture.

Now, a question. Does Vash love Knives?

Yes, of course. Despite everything Knives did, Vash still consider him his brother and wants them to put away their difference.

Next question: Does Knives feel this love? Or, maybe, I'll paraphrase a bit: does he believe in it?

And here things become tricky. Because yeah, at some level Knives knows that Vash loves him. His little brother is a kind creature, after all, that's ready to share his heart with the whole world. He wants to save humans, wants to save Plants, why not to want to save Knives too, in this mix?

The problem is, Vash, bless his heart and everything, is a damn hypocrite. He gives promises that he isn't able to keep, runs from places to places doing essentially nothing and always, always, always, puts humans first.

So yeah, he loves Knives. Just as he loves his sisters, or maybe worms on this planet. As long as humans are safe, Vash is ready to feel sorry for them, or maybe even ask for forgiveness for everything humans put them through. They'll become better, one day.

And the worst part? Knives isn't exactly wrong in his assessment. Because Vash does put humans first, Stampede especially. And although a big part of the reason for that comes from his guilt complex and well, Knives, maybe you should have thought it a little better before putting it on your brother, but the fact stays: between a Plant and a human, Vash will instinctively choose a human.

Now, let's talk about the aftermath of Tessla's case. Stampede very suspiciously omitted most part of it, showing only Knives' choice of Vash's memories (and keep in mind that the whole point of that showcase was to break Vash, so Knives' "confession" of his motivations can't be taken at face value) and I will die on the hill that in the second season we're going to get Knives' round of it, but for now, let's go with the manga.

We know how it did go: while Vash had his emotional breakdown, Knives fell into coma. It isn't clear, did he faked his amnesia or not but even he didn't, the subconscious trauma still stayed.

And the first thing he saw after waking up? Vash and Rem, laughing together.

Think about this. Vash saw the extent of Knives shock, watching his brother being comatose for days. Even though he wasn't conscious, Vash had an affirmation that his twin shares his grief. Knives, though? He didn't have a chance to see Vash's resentment, desperation and anger. For him, his brother just... Brushed it off. Made a peace with it. And even if the wording was different, even if he was told something like "I understand if you're angry" - Knives already lost his affirmation. He had no chance of showing his anger, not when his twin was so calm about the matter and obviously decided to stay at humans side.

For Knives, Vash has already abandoned him for humans. Forgiveness is a thing that exist for sake of a victim, not a perpetrator, but Vash has already forgave theirs, therefore forcibly dragging Knives along before he even really started to proceed everything.

And so, Knives acted as he, with this mental block, was allowed to:

... And you know the reason of the story.

And after that? Constant arguing about how they should forgive and accept humans. (For manga, it's after the Fall, but in Stampede it started already on the ship. I'm sure that Knives read Bible before, just like he watched war movies before in manga. But after Tessla, he started to see evil there). Open expressions of fury, fear and hate from somebody who is never bothered to even become a bit angry on their sisters' behalf. A gun in your face after you saved his life.

Yeah, Vash's feeling are much more complicated than that. Alas, Knives doesn't have much chance to see that. From his point of view, Vash is ready to forgive humans everything, but Knives? He gets a gun and speeches how they all should live in peace. With a great plan mostly consisting of Plants forgivinig humans until they become better.

So, at some point Knives just... stops listening. He already knows what his brother thinks about him. It doesn't matter. Knives won't let Vash's hate stop his love for him. Gunshots, Vash's cries of anger, pain, fear - it all become a white noise that should be ignored.

Ignore when they hurt you, just do your thing and come to them again and again, and one day they will listen to you? Ironically, but for most part, it's exactly how Knives tries to act with Vash. Well, in his own, a bit psychotic, version of things, with him not only waiting but also taking some actions. (Ok, a lot of actions.)

And it's incredible how all that cold and collected persona dissipates on 12 ep of Stampede, where Knives is left with nothing but a desperation to make his brother understand. Only for Vash, when Knives lays his heart bare, to reject him. Again.

And Vash has his own reasons. Completely understandable reasons, I would say, because while he is a superhuman only in physical sense on things. He had his own anger, and pain, and fear, and inner struggle. Knives hurt him enormously and there is no wonder that Vash doesn't want to give up his stance. And he shouldn't, really. But...

Knives isn't strong, at least, mentally. He created this illusion of being the older, the one in charge, to protect himself (in Stampede, this illusion starts a bit earlier, with him being the "perfect Independent" who for some reason should hide his powers and "weak" Vash, who is, by Rem's words, "perfect as he is") but in the end this made-up hierarchy harmed both him and Vash, locking them in their respective positions. And Knives was motivated by fear, he wanted protection, wanted Vash to stand up for him - something what Vash, who for so many years saw Knives as the strongest one, the one who decides, the one who must be defeated, wasn't capable to do and had no idea about. He had his own personal growth to do, and couldn't be the mentally senior figure Knives needed.

And that's why one day I going to write this fic about TriMax Vash finding himself in Stampede world. These idiots clearly need an older brother.

For Knives, Vash was the one who abandoned him, again, again and again. The one who blabbed about love and peace while aiming a gun at him. For over hundred years, there was only one case when Vash prioritized Knives over everything else, took his side clearly enough that there were no ways left for Knives to doubt it.

And guess what? This single act snapped Knives out his frenzy better that all these bullets before that.

And I'm quite sure that Stampede plot could be quite shorter if upon that meeting five years after the Fall, Vash would confirmed that yes, he understood Knives' ire before confronting him over humans death. Like, the kid was one hug away from breaking down. Too bad that he never allowed himself acknowledge it.

So, the moral of the story: hug your Kniveses. Be cautious, though, because while Vashes bite, Kniveses... Let's say that they aren't very good for your extremities. Assert your dominance with care and don't force them to bottle up their anger, even unintentionally. If you do it right, everything will be fine.

... Well, maybe. Hope for the best, one day it surely will be alright.

[moodymeangirl]

having realisations. the four people who have declared me dangerous/abusive when they've identified emotions in my voice

(including times of feeling love and excitement)

have begun to do so very soon after the first time i disagreed or disobeyed them in the friendship.

Person 1 called the way i was speaking to them unsafe when asked what their mixed signals meant (be lovingly normal in front of friends but mean on text). I was immediately blocked and they act like I don't exist in irl spaces. The message I sent was literally 'hey what's going on with all the mixed signals?'.

Person 2 called me 'fucking awful, arrogant, a monster, a predator, and affronting' the first time we hung out in a group after I'd declined to become her domme. The conversation she instigated to attack me involved asking if I agree with her that our group social worker is attractive, then casting aspersions of predatory sexual behaviour onto to me when I said yes. I am ace.

Person 3 was present with Person 2. I was trapped in back of Person 3 car on the way to visit Person 2's parents home, late at night. Person 2 lied about her words, and Person 3 claimed to have not heard it. Referencing that claim and 2's denials together they interrogated and insulted me, before leaving me sat in the gutter outside 2's home. I found out later they spent the next hour or so abusing me behind my back, watching me cry in the street from an upstairs window. They later both admitted like it was nothing that it was all made up, they did hear, and Person 2 said they were mad at me for different reasons and wanted to lash out. Both 2 and 3 have expressed to me since that they enjoyed it.

Person 4 (bestie of 15yrs) began a year long pattern of silent treatment, threatening to leave friendship, implying im hated by all my friends, saying im becoming my abusive father (i am not and i am a trans woman), demanding care, demanding access to my other friends and supports then excluding me from their social contact with my mates (telling my friends I preferred it this way) and routinely accusing me of speaking in an abusive tone ---- immediately after they realised I would not accept being spoken to cruelly/have my thoughts decided for me, the first time they tried it since moving into my flat. It was at the exact moment I first expressed a clear boundary of respect in 15 years, that I became an abusive, perverse, male dv committing quote 'autistic rapist or school shooter in waiting'. That day I wound up yelling IMNOTBAD and LISTENTOME at them, which was all the proof they needed to engage in a campaign of gaslighting, forced isolation from them and others, having one rule for me and another rule for anybody id introduced them to, manipulating my identity issues and autism in therapy so much so that the therapist joined in on punishing stimming and speaking up for myself with assertions that im lying about my emotions, deliberately triggering my cptsd, only talking to me when they wanted to come stay or when they needed to be helpe thru a crisis: generally choosing the cruellest possible option at every turn. All while I tried hard to be better in therapy, and desperately lapped up any glimmers of affection. any signal they loved like me they used to before they 'realised I was an abuser'.

Rn I am in a situation where they are telling my closest friends they are excited for the future and are actuvely planning international holiday to visit my other best friend, and that in order to heal i shouldnt be invited. The same days literally, they are emailing me saying they're suicidal and that im unsafe and abusive and not to come near them - knowing I have ptsd from being the only person supporting then through a secret mental health crisis before. When I freak out and have serious episode and am basically losing my mind begging their other friends (people they bullied and gaslit me into introducing them to) to give them support bc if I go near them they'll likely die from the trauma of being near me, this friend is actively assuring those alarmed friends that they're perfectly fine and quote 'normal'. I don't disbelieve that they're suicidal btw, I just think they're comfortable torturing my emotions in order to access my loyalty and support. I think they want my friends and queer community for themselves, so they're avoiding revealing their vulnerability thru their own shame and identity stress.

It's also worth noting im out to my friends as having DID and Person 4 also has DID but is not out. Despite their anti-autism, anti-did, and anti-trans bigotry towards me being lateral they are actively weaponising my other friends concern for my mental health and deploying the stigma of a disorder they secretly have against me socially.

And I haven't and won't breach their privacy. I won't ignore their pleas, and I have provided significant support through the last week of their ideation and my being shocked and heartbroken into the realisation that unless my boundaries are suddenly respected, in action not merely words, that the most important relationship of my life so far will be one that I choose to leave (once ik that they're okay in terms of immediate threat to life ofc). And tbh that's if they don't decide they've got my friends locked in and finally fulfil their frequent threat to leave the friendship themselves. which to be quite honest they already do, unless they need me or they can use me to get someone they want.

and ftr I've known Person 4 has alters who are psychopathic for years. Allah knows one of my lovelies in our system is sociopathic herself. but for the majority of a 15 year family level relationship they have never chosen to treat me with disrespect, with cruelty, or with ill intent. we never used to set boundaries with each other bc the moral boundaries each of our systems set internally stopped us from ever harming each other. neither of us would be alive if not for the other. it's not like either of us having cluster bs or tetrad things happening in the complexities of our psyches ever contributed to harm b4, so I won't accept that as an excuse now. I don't deserve any of this cruelty, this harm, or this organised torture and social abandonment. Person 4 railed against Persons 1, 2, 3 during those events and encouraged me to stand my ground at every turn.

I just know now, that the way they're treating me is completely unacceptable. that rebuilding trust after the fact is a very very long journey should they ever be in a mindset to admit their wrongdoings. and that the damage they've done to my other community supports and close friendships may itself require a long period of repair, labour, and effort restitching wounds I didn't make cause or know had occurred. my loved ones now love this person. I've confided on those who offered and found that if I express even the merest trickle of a problem with Person 4s treatment of me that they stop listening. I've been told twice now that people want to ask P4's consent before listening to me speak about my own life.

it doesn't escape me that the first big realisation I had regarding the wrongness of P4s behaviour this year was their blanket refusal without explanation to allow me equal power / footing with them in terms of choosing to hang out, talk, or interact. meanwhile they made me watch from afar as they demonstrated and gave (seemingly) perfect respect and equality to the people who are now refusing to hear my voice note unless they talk to P4 first. like my autonomy has become accepted as non existent to the point where unrelated conversations are being secretly dictated from afar by this person. to the point where, had they not hit me with the intense fear that were going to die/in the same breath as telling me that if I try to help them ill make it happen - I'd still have accepted it.

I feel trapped. I know I need to end this friendship. But I am afraid to lose my closest friends when I do. Even if they don't ditch me, I have already lost their trust. I have already lost my right to self determination in those communities and friendships to another human being entirely. And if they remain friends with P4, if P4 continues to behave like this, I don't think I'll get that back. Not until they're facing the same behaviour themselves.

but. I am having RealisationsTM. In all these cases a majority of other people have been baffled by and have not felt what happened was okay in the slightest. the majority of people ik closely are autistic, trans, and or have DID and nobody else other than a minority of 4 - not even the people manipulated by P4 - take any issue at my autistic speech, emotionality, or desire to set boundaries and be treated as an autonomous equal.

so my conclusion is that this minority of four (out of hundreds in community and 10s in terms of close friends) are people who - for whatever reason - wanted me to accept being harmed disrespected, or controlled by them. and I didn't and I don't, so they *surprise surprise* made their bad behaviour more intense every time I stood up for myself.

no doubt the vulnerabilities of my intersections in society assisted them in this, but in No Way did my intersections or my soul cause this.

I am glad to have been in therapy. I will continue to be in therapy and work on not being someone who yells as a reaction to being abused. I haven't yelled once since that first time w P4 and I never raised my voice with the others. I am a flawed person but I'm not an abusive person. These events are not my doing. I did not deserve to be treated this way. I deserved the love, trust, and care I gave these people - which they abused. I exist. We exist. We are real and our heart will heal from these betrayals. We are loved.

[skopostheorie]

auhh I don't know exactly how to ask this, but I'm interested in your religion, and I was wondering where to start, I guess? Sorry, if this is odd

Not odd at all! A part of our religious obligations is to introduce others to Islam through our behaviour so it's always a good thing to receive stuff like this.

Allah tells us that He want "ease for you, not hardship" through the religion, so while we certainly have a lot of information, scholarship, mandatory acts of worship... to actually be Muslim all one has to do is sincerely, under no duress and in full knowledge, believe that there is one God and that Muhammad (PBUH) was His fina Messenger, and then attest to it verbally (the attestation is called شهادة or "testimony"). Not to say you should convert immediately right now unless you really really want to! Just saying this to get the point across that there's no to-do list, there's no point at which you know or have done enough to be Actually Muslim. Once you feel ready and that you truly believe it, you can just do it.

As for where to start... as in, learning about the faith. Masjid tours and chatting with the imaam is always an option and I think most people do that. If there's one in your area, all you need to do is show up and say you'd like to learn more about Islam (you can specify it's because you're considering becoming Muslim, or not - they'll be equally friendly either way, especially if you're in a Western country because we loooove when Western non Muslims are nice to us). The only issue with this is that they may say stuff that isn't right, or is specific to a certain sect, and not inform you that it is an issue that is not universal to all of us. Now, sect divisions are actually haraam but unfortunately politics is always going to be a thing and they exist anyway. This is to say that sect differences are not, in my view, so important that you should avoid any masjid claiming to belong to one, but it's always nice to know if this could affect how they speak. For instance an imaam might say the 5 daily prayers are conjoined into 3 separate blocks, which is only true of some sects, and might confuse you. For this reason I say go to a variety of masjids if you can, behaving each time as if this is your first and only time, to see a range of perspectives.

They might also say stuff you personally can't agree with, but that doesn't mean 1) you can't be Muslim or 2) there's no other Islamic scholarly discourse that aligns with your view. If you talk to an imaam and they say quite sincerely, for example, that (crazy example I'm fairly certain would never happen) chewing gum is haraam, and you're not too fond of that, you're still allowed to be Muslim. There might be schools of thought that say it's not haraam, or you can agree to just "sit with it" and wait for your heart to come around to the idea. (Let me be explicitly clear, chewing gum is not haraam.)

I obviously think reading the Qur'an is important. If you speak Arabic I'd say it's imperative you read the original, but translations are perfectly fine as well. If reading translations, again, choosing a variety of translations to compare and contrast (including commentary) is a good idea. The site I linked is good. It's also nice to have such commentaries and reflections to accompany you. I can't give you anything comprehensive - it is impossible to comprehensively analyse the Quran! - but I'm fond of 30 for 30. It's also worth trying one with commentaries that describe the situation. Many parts are, while important for general life guidance, are in relation to specific events which can seem a bit random without that knowledge. For instance once Aisha was accused of cheating and there were Qur'an revelations saying they were false. Very nice, but without that knowledge, that part might seem a bit strange. These context provisions help!

Knowing السيرة النبوية, "seera" (story of Muhammad (SAW)'s life), is also worth it, and I personally think it's important if you want the second part of the testimony to be sincere (how can you believe he was the final Messenger if you don't know who he is?). Again, there are plenty of ways of doing this - imagine being a historian for any major historical figure, really. There are long and short versions. This could also be something to ask an imaam about at a masjid, as they'll be able to read the atmosphere and figure out how much detail you want. If you're not into that, a book is always a good time. Karen Armstrong's are good.

Again I'll reiterate that there's no finish line. You could read one word of the Qur'an, be convinced, and convert straight away. So long as you're being sincere in your belief, you're Muslim. As with any decision I don't advocate such compulsion (being a convert can be really lonely if you don't form a connectionbase first), but what I'm saying is if you're feeling ready, there's nothing else that needs to be done.

[bookalooza]

Writing Made Simple: Tips for Effortless Expression

Ever stare at a blank page feeling like your brain has turned to mush? You're not alone. Writing can be intimidating, but guess what? It doesn't have to be.

Here's the truth: we all have stories to tell, ideas to share, and experiences that can resonate with others. This blog is your guide to ditching the fear and finding your voice. Let's break down some simple tips to make writing a breeze.

1. Find Your Why:

Before you dive in, ask yourself: why am I writing this? Are you crafting a heart-wrenching poem, a hilarious blog post, or a persuasive email? Knowing your purpose helps you choose the right tone and keeps you focused.

Think of it like picking an outfit. If you're going to a job interview, you wouldn't wear pajamas, right? Tailor your writing style to fit the situation.

2. Unleash the Brainstorm Beast:

Feeling stuck? Don't fret! Grab a pen and paper (or your favorite note-taking app) and brainstorm. Jot down any and all ideas that come to mind, no matter how silly they seem. This is your chance to be messy and unfiltered.

Imagine you're having a conversation with a friend. What would you say? What details would you share? Capture those thoughts – they'll be the foundation of your writing.

3. Start Somewhere, Anywhere:

The blank page can be daunting. Here's a secret: perfection is the enemy of progress. Don't wait for inspiration to strike. Just start writing, even if it's just a single sentence.

Think of it like building with Legos. You wouldn't try to build a spaceship right off the bat, would you? Start with a small piece, then another, and slowly your masterpiece will emerge.

4. Talk Like You Write (and Write Like You Talk):

The best writing is authentic. Don't try to sound like someone you're not. Use your natural voice, the one you use with your friends. Infuse your personality and let your passion shine through.

Imagine you're explaining something to a good friend. Write in a way that feels comfortable and conversational.

5. Short and Sweet is the Treat:

Keep your sentences clear and concise. Don't get lost in complex sentence structures. Aim for clarity over complexity. Your readers will thank you for it.

Think of it like a hike. Sure, you could take a winding, confusing path, but wouldn't a clear, well-marked trail be easier and more enjoyable?

6. Show, Don't Tell:

Instead of simply saying someone is sad, describe their slumped shoulders and the quiver in their voice. Paint a picture with your words and let your reader experience the emotions firsthand.

This applies to everything, not just emotions. Instead of saying the beach was beautiful, describe the soft sand, the crashing waves, and the scent of salty air.

7. Read Like a Ravenous Reader:

The more you read, the better you'll write. Pay attention to how other authors craft their stories, use language, and develop characters.

Reading exposes you to different writing styles and helps you build your own vocabulary. It's like learning a new language by osmosis!

8. Embrace the Power of Revision:

The first draft is rarely the best draft. Don't be afraid to revise, edit, and rewrite. Take a break, come back with fresh eyes, and polish your work.

Think of it like sculpting. You start with a rough block of stone, but with careful chiseling, you create a masterpiece.

9. Befriend the Delete Button:

Don't be afraid to cut! Sometimes, the most powerful writing is the most concise. Get rid of unnecessary words and phrases that weigh down your sentences.

This might feel ruthless at first, but trust me, your writing will be sharper and more impactful for it.

10. Celebrate the Small Victories:

Writing is a journey, not a destination. Don't get discouraged if you don't become a bestselling author overnight. Celebrate every small win – finishing a draft, getting a positive comment, or simply expressing yourself clearly.

The more you write, the more comfortable and confident you'll become.

Bonus Tip: Find Your Tribe:

Connect with other writers! Join online communities, take writing classes, or find a local writing group. Surrounding yourself with supportive and inspiring people can make a world of difference.

Remember, writing is a skill that takes practice. Don't be afraid to experiment, have fun, and find your own

[the-hiveswitch-states]

[ ✗System update ]

the inner world is stable but it's growing. our headcount increases by the day. weve seen some noteworthy splits including 5 new dammek introjects since last month.

me and the other managers were relocated after a power-hungry alter split in and wrecked our conference space. their demands were sort of impossible, they wanted to seize control and restructure our system's social hierarchy... we don't have one. nobody was hurt, karkat cleared the room as soon as they broke in. security detail worked fast to contain the tyrant and they're confirmed to be a xefros introject. i'm not shocked, no one was too surprised this happens a lot. they aren't the first xefros who tried to seize power... but they sure were the most aggressive case we've seen.

i dont believe they'll be... rehabilitated? for lack of a better word, it's not really an option without the persecutor status. they're just an alter with ambitious goals. i wish they wouldn't drag my source through the mud while doing it but it's fine.

the next documented split was roxy lalonde from tetrarch dammek's timeline. i mean host dammek, specifically... my moirails. roxy came in quietly and still regards the tetrarch with a maternal fondness. her memories have raised a few concerns about dammek's timeline, more so about his health than anything. i believe mallek and strife have recorded roxy's statements and are monitoring the tetrarch to see if they observe the same symptoms. roxy has taken the role of physical protector so i xpect we'll hear more from her.

a week ago host dammek asked the leads for counsel, including my superior karkat. the situation about host davey's fp (favorite person) was tabled and he asked dammek to choose whether or not he blocked the fp. i weighed in on it... i told the tetrarch i thought maybe getting rid of him was best. he chose differently but it seems like... it could be working. the issue of dave's fp has been a contentious topic for months, it's been the subject of rigorous debate and the case is still open. no one knows how to deal with it. dave is still kind of unstable, he's out of crisis but until the favorite person goes away we have to be prepared for him to go back.

the physical world developments were not easy to jot down. i struggled playing catch up. it's been crazy, i cannot stress that. um... i guess chronic pain should be mentioned. the body's acid reflux resurged and it's been off and on. we suspect the hosts irritated it by coming off treatment too soon. on top of heartburn, the body has pulled or strained a chest muscle i think. our neck is taut, our arms and shoulders hurt... the backaches have been insane. a lot of us wonder if this is permanent since it hasn't stopped yet. we were already a spoonie before but this is ridiculous.

we postponed our gender transition until the body heals. so yea... between the chronic pain and the borderline splits, we are in NO condition to start hormones. our therapist doesn't believe davey has bpd. i'm frustrated about it, i think if they could see how dave is acting every day they would seriously reconsider dying on that hill. i'm not kidding. i'm concerned. we talk about this too often, and even host dammek is a little more depressed than usual. i'm scared for my moirails... the thought that no one in the physical world is helping us makes me...

i think there's a real chance someone will do something drastic. i don't have bpd. i can't relate to anything my moirail is feeling and he's not even the only case. host dammek has bpd traits but they're managed. my kismesis tetrarch d also has bpd, i guess the signs were there but i'm not worried about him since strife never leaves him alone too long.

davey meets with our therapist monday morning, i'm crossing my fingers and hoping they see what we do.

i have more developments but im dissociating really bad... i might stop for now. the screen looks too blurry.

-Xefros Tritoh (manager)

[casspurrjoybell-26]

💖Sweet Revenge💖 - Chapter 8

*Warning Adult Content*

Blake Welling

The weekend takes forever to arrive.

In the meantime, my inventory gets delivered and I'm kept busy unloading bikes and arranging my displays. 

Every day I go across the street and buy a different piece of candy but for the next three days, it's just the cute shop-girl behind the counter.

Of Aaron, I see no sign.

I'm not sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed by that.

After Tara told me who he was and I'd put the pieces together, I understood at least some of his animosity towards me.

Well, I understood that he must have been that asthmatic kid I'd helped one time and who'd left a box of candy in my locker but as for the rest, I still didn't quite get it.

Thinking back, I realized that I'd never seen that kid again after the day he'd asked me what kind of candy I liked.

Then again, that Spring I'd been so busy with track and with preparing for college that I'd been aware of little else.

Then I'd graduated, left for university and thought I'd never look back.

Was it possible I'd left some sort of train wreck in my wake without even realizing it?

Only one thing makes any sense and it makes my stomach twist into knots just to think about it.

He'd seen. 

He must have been watching from somewhere nearby, waiting for me to open the gift he left me.

He'd seen what I did and then because the guys knew who he was and because he was easy prey and they were cruel and stupid, they'd tracked him down and punished him for being sweet and kind.

Given what I'd said and done, they must have felt they had my blessing and if he'd seen, he would have thought the same thing.

~♡~

It's the day before Valentine's Day, my senior year.

I've just led the guys on a five-kilometer run and we're all hot, sweaty and exhausted.

In the locker room, the usual sophomoric humor and crude jokes fly and because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me if I don't, I join in.

When we go to get our stuff, I find a red, heart-shaped box in my locker.

It looks like something you'd find in a craft store and it's tied with a white ribbon.

On top is a handwritten card, penned with a fine, calligraphic hand.

It's short and unadorned. It's not even addressed to me 'To my heroes' that's all it says but in those three, unassuming words, I read a whole story.

Chad Wilson reads one too.

"Oooh, Welling, what have we here? A secret admirer? And she snuck into the boy's locker room too. That's asking for it, for sure."

"Shut up, Wilson," I snap.  

I swear if it was a category, he'd be voted 'most likely to be charged with sexual assault' when we graduate.

I unwrap the box and lift the lid.

Inside are twelve, perfectly square, perfectly smooth blocks of fudge.

There's one for each of us and they look so good I can almost taste them with my eyes.

"These aren't from a girl, anyway," I say distractedly.

"They're from that kid who dropped his inhaler."

"Shit, really?" Brad Smith laughs.

"You know that kid's a fag, right?"

The word hits me like a punch and I flinch.

I want to make Brad take it back, to make him sorry for saying something so ugly about someone so sweet but again, I'm afraid of what they'll think if I don't agree.

"Gross, for real?" I say and drop the box.

"Urgh, I'm not eating fudge from an ass-fudger... fucking disgusting."

Then I stomp on the box... the guys love it... they laugh and then they join in.

As the box and its contents are reduced to a brown mess of chocolate and cardboard, I feel like my secret is safe but I know that I've paid for it with a piece of my soul.

~♡~

Finally, it's Saturday.

By four o'clock I've psyched myself out so much my hands are cold and sweaty and I've spent way too long trying to choose between a blue shirt and the slightly different blue shirt. I go with the bluer one.

Then, I walk across the street and into Sweet Revenge.

The girl... by now I know her name is Kate... is behind the counter once more.

"Is..." I clear my throat.

"Um, is Aaron here?" I ask.

She shoots me a stern look from beneath her thick, mascara laden lashes.

"Who's asking?"

"I... uh."

I feel like I'm sixteen and she's my date's father.

She laughs.

It's a high-pitched, musical sound and it startles me.

She sees me jump and laughs harder.

"Yeah, he's here. He's just finishing up. I'll let him know you're here."

"AARON... BLAKE'S HERE."

From the back room... which I've gathered is the kitchen... I hear muffled swearing and the clatter of a pan.

"Shit."

Kate's eyes go wide and she turns and dashes through the door as fast as she can in her ridiculously high shoes.

I hear yelling and swearing and just as I'm starting to worry that something is really wrong, Kate comes back.

She looks a little flustered.

"He'll be out in a minute," she says, not meeting my eyes.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

Before she can answer, Aaron himself bursts through the door, looking a little frayed around the edges.

He's wearing an apron splattered with something the color of amber and he's holding a spatula in one hand.

"Three-hundred-and-sixty fucking degrees, Kate," he rants, seemingly apropos of nothing.

"That's how fucking hot molten caramel can be. I swear to God if you yell..." he trails off as his eyes land on me.

"Uh... hi."

He looks me up and down and swallows hard.

"Yeah... give me a few minutes and I'll be ready."

Then he turns and vanishes back through the door to the kitchens. Kate casts me a sympathetic look.

"Don't worry," she says.

"He's always like this around Valentine's Day."

I nod and say something noncommittal in reply but it feels like she just put a stake through my heart because I'm pretty sure that whatever hang-ups he has about that holiday, they're my fault. 

[shirtprintingco]

Loodgieter Utrecht: Your Trusted Partner for Plumbing Solutions

When it comes to maintaining a functional and comfortable living space, plumbing plays an indispensable role. From ensuring you have a reliable source of clean water to efficiently removing wastewater, plumbing is the unsung hero of your home. However, plumbing issues can arise unexpectedly, causing disruptions and inconvenience. In Utrecht, a loodgieter (plumber) is your go-to professional for tackling all plumbing-related problems. In this comprehensive article, we will explore the world of loodgieters in Utrecht, the services they provide, and how to choose the right one to address your specific needs.

I. Understanding the Role of a Loodgieter

Maintenance and Repairs: Loodgieters are trained professionals equipped to handle a wide range of tasks. This includes the maintenance, repair, and installation of plumbing systems. They are your go-to experts for ensuring that your water supply and drainage systems Loodgieter utrech.

Heating Systems: Beyond traditional plumbing, loodgieters in Utrecht often have expertise in heating systems. Whether you need a new boiler installed or your radiators are not working correctly, a loodgieter can help.

Emergency Services: Plumbing emergencies can occur at any time, from burst pipes to sewer backups. A reliable loodgieter should be available around the clock to address these urgent issues.

II. Types of Plumbing Services in Utrecht

Leak Detection and Repair: Water leaks, no matter how small, can lead to significant property damage and water wastage. Loodgieters have the tools and knowledge to detect and repair leaks efficiently.

Clogged Drains: Slow or completely blocked drains are common issues that can disrupt your daily life. A skilled loodgieter will have the expertise to clear these blockages promptly.

Installation of Fixtures: If you are renovating your home or simply need to upgrade your plumbing fixtures, a loodgieter can install new sinks, faucets, toilets, and other plumbing elements.

Sewer Line Services: Problems with your sewer line can be both messy and expensive. Loodgieters can diagnose and repair issues to ensure that wastewater is properly disposed of.

III. Selecting the Right Loodgieter in Utrecht

Licensing and Insurance: It is crucial to choose a licensed and insured loodgieter. Licensing ensures that they have received the necessary training and are legally permitted to perform plumbing work. Insurance protects you and the plumber in case of accidents.

Experience Matters: Experience is a vital factor when choosing a loodgieter. More experienced professionals are likely to handle a wide range of plumbing issues efficiently.

Reviews and Recommendations: Reading online reviews and seeking recommendations from friends and family can help you identify reputable plumbers in Utrecht. Learning about others' experiences can provide valuable insights.

Get Multiple Quotes: Don't settle for the first quote you receive. Contact multiple loodgieters to get a sense of the pricing for your specific job. Be cautious of estimates that seem too good to be true.

Ask About Guarantees: A trustworthy loodgieter should offer warranties on their work. This means that if an issue arises shortly after the repair, they'll fix it at no additional cost.

Customer Service: The level of customer service provided can make a significant difference in your overall experience. Friendly, responsive, and professional plumbers are more pleasant to work with.

IV. Technological Advancements in Plumbing

Modern technology has significantly improved the field of plumbing. Some Utrecht loodgieters now use advanced tools and techniques to provide more efficient and precise services. For example:

Camera Inspection: Many plumbers use tiny cameras to inspect pipes and locate blockages without the need for extensive digging. This minimizes the disruption to your property.

Electronic Leak Detection: Specialized equipment can pinpoint even the smallest leaks, preventing water wastage and property damage.

High-Pressure Water Jetting: This technology clears clogs and blockages in pipes using high-pressure water, eliminating the need for harsh chemicals and reducing environmental impact.

V. Maintenance and Preventive Measures

Preventive maintenance can save you time and money by addressing potential issues before they become emergencies. Here are some tips for proactive plumbing maintenance:

Annual Inspections: Schedule regular plumbing inspections to identify minor issues before they escalate into significant problems.

Proactive Repairs: If a loodgieter identifies a problem during an inspection, it's wise to address it promptly. Timely repairs can prevent larger and more costly issues down the road.

Educate Yourself: Learn how to detect and address minor plumbing issues on your own, such as fixing a running toilet or a dripping faucet. This can save you time and money on small repairs.

Conclusion

In Utrecht, a loodgieter is your trusted partner for all plumbing-related needs. They are the experts who keep your home's plumbing system running smoothly and efficiently, ensuring your comfort and safety. By following the tips and guidelines in this article, you can make informed decisions when selecting a loodgieter in Utrecht, and also take preventive measures to maintain the health of your plumbing system. With the right loodgieter by your side, you can rest easy knowing that your plumbing needs are in capable hands.

[tommyspeakycap]

want it again

ben chilwell x reader

word count -4581

summary - you and ben come to learn there is nothing more painful that soulmates who grow apart - inspired by this song. flashbacks in italics.

they say young love just don't last

well i guess they were right about that

March 2012

“I hate how we have to do this every year, it’s so bloody pointless.” You huff, heaving a sigh past those lips that momentarily parted from their firmly pressed line of a frown only for that exaggerated teenage sigh. However Ben agrees exactly with you sentiment. “I’d rather-” He begins, only to be silenced by your voice over the top of his. “Play football?” You cut him off, “We know Ben. That’s a given. But you know it’s bad when I would rather play football.” Your statement is far from wrong, Ben payed little attention to anything but football, so missing out on months worth of it to instead do the social dancing block was like torture to the 16 year old. But if it was bad enough for you to prefer football, then he knew it was just as bad for you as it was him.

Ben hates the frown that you have on your lips as he steps in front of you to pull open the door to the school gym so you can walk through before him. You step under his arm to walk through the door with a sigh and Ben is suddenly overcome with the urge to make you smile. It hits him very strangely how uneasy he feels at the thought of you being unhappy. It’s just after lunch and you’re standing awkwardly in your unflattering PE kit like every other girl in the gym, but he doesn’t look at anyone but you. He thinks you look pretty. He always does. Ben’s cheeks flush as his mind is grabbed back to attention by your voice again.

"The partner picking bit is the absolute worst, you know." Ben does know. He wholeheartedly agrees with you on that front. Either they stand against the far wall with minds racing a mile a minute while the girls mull around trying to avoid picking their partners until the boys have hands so sweaty it makes them even more nervous, or they are the ones who have to walk to opposite wall where the girls stand lined up and they have to go about with flushed cheeks asking a girl if they'll partner up with them.

Most of them are still spotty with voices that they haven't quite come to terms with just yet and bodies out of proportion as they grow and Ben is really no different. He's a little more toned than the rest of the boys because he has to work so hard in training for Leicester City and just about everybody knows that he's going to be something really, really great with his football sometime pretty soon.

But social dance is every single high school pupil's worst nightmare. Everything about it is disliked. The ceilidh music, the having to pick out a partner and enduring the teasing of doing so, the holding hands with people you don't like and having boys have their hands a little too far up your waist than they should be for these dances.

Everybody mulls around still, waiting for the teachers to decide which dance they're going to start with and who's going to be picking first. You and Ben are happy to stand together instead of going to the trouble of searching through the hundred or so rest of your year group for your wider friend group. Ben and you have the longest standing friendship in that circle and more often than not you end up spending more time just the two of you.

"We could like uhm, like maybe it'd be more comfortable if we eh..." Ben tries to cover the stutter in his words with a cough, clearing his throat to make it more believable as you watch him, patiently waiting for him to stammer out the rest of his sentence. "Like basically if we didn't choose other people?" He finalises, licking his suddenly very dry lips as he turns his flushed face to the floor upon hearing you giggle.

"Like we picked each other?" You lilt with a smile, using the fact that you're smaller than him to crane your neck so he has to look at you even though he's got his eyes trained on the shiny black of his school shoes. "Yeah." He mumbles shyly. You beam, finally making him look back up at your excited face. "Yeah." You echo, "I'd like that."

June 2012

"Ben you're going to be late!"

Ben's forehead just won't stop sweating and it's going to end up being red raw if he doesn't stop swiping his shirt sleeve over it.

"Ben! Come on mate!"

Hearing his mum and dad's voices calling up to him sounded weird, like there was a fuzzy cover over the top of the sound. It sounded so strange to him, like he could feel the blood pumping through his head as he hurriedly squeezes his sore feet into the black dress shoes, making sure he tucked his long sleeved white button up back into those black slacks when he straightened up before he threw on the black blazer, adjusted his tie and checked himself in the mirror one last time.

"Coming!" He yells, nearly ripping the handle off his bedroom door with his shaky hand. He adjusts his hair on the way down the stairs and tries to get his heart rate back under control. He'd come straight from an under 18's game, literally throwing himself into a shower before he had rushed to get dressed so he wouldn't be running late to get to you. His mum stands at the bottom of the stairs beaming at him and holding that little flower in a box.

"You look so handsome...and so bloody grown up. Where's my little boy gone eh?" She coos, her eyes glistening with tears as her 16 year old son stands there in front of him, nervously shuffling from foot to foot. "Come on mum," he encourages,  "We can't be late, let's go."

He takes the flower from her and basically ushers her out of the door as quickly as he can, tapping his foot in the backseat of the car the whole drive to your house - which really wasn't long at all. There was a car coming to pick up you, Ben and your friends, that all the parents had put in together to cover the cost of taking the kids to their first ever prom. Ben didn't really care about that, he wasn't worried about the dancing or the fact his muscles still ache from the game he had played.

He was solely nervous about you.

He'd very awkwardly, blushingly, stammeringly asked you to be his date to the prom and you had very excitedly agreed. You had been practicing together through every single one of the school social dance periods that replaced PE for the past three months, but this was different because he actually asked you to go.

Not as his friend, not as his best friend, but as his girlfriend for the first time ever. You were both so awkward and fumbly, but it was so evident to everyone that you really loved each other even at such a young age. His heart had belonged to you for a long time already.

"You look very pretty." He admits shyly, swallowing the lump in his throat while trying to fight the burning of his cheeks. Yours also tint pink at the mention of his complement. "Thank you Ben," you smile, "You look good too."

As the night had moved on, the loud ceilidh music blaring as you all threw each other through those dances, laughing the whole night as parents came in for the last dance to get their pictures and videos of everyone, you had both loosened up. Back to the easygoing pair of best friends and now subsequently young lovers who got on like a house on fire. You were, by all accounts, perfect for each other.

And it was that night when parents were gushing over their growing up kids, taking a million pictures and chattering to one another while picking at the party snacks laid out for the end of the night that Ben led you off. He held your hand, taking you easily out of the gym to the star room, where there's glow in the dark star stickers decorating the roof of that old school building. You had your first kiss there together under the fake stars, reemerging to the gym with cheeks a little flushed from a kiss that was too clashing teeth, bumping noses and uncertain tongues not really knowing what to do in a situation you had never been in.

Ben gushed about it the whole way home, he got to kiss you. His young heart truly had never felt so happy.

September 5th 2015

As the whistle blows, you shoot back up to your feet to scream and cheer at the top of your lungs. Arms wrap around you from all sides, encompassing you with screams and cheers at every angle. You can’t help the tears that brew in your eyes of pure happiness for him down there, embracing his teammates in joy as families prepare to move. Ben hurries over, virtually leaping over the barricade, “You did amazi-” He cuts you off before you can even get the praise out, his lips smashing against yours, moving in a perfect rhythm with the fire and passion of his first international goal and subsequent under 21’s win. Nearly 3 years of kissing each other had much improved the experience and had shown up those two 16 year olds who thought that first kiss was any good.

He kisses you until neither of you have enough breath left in you to continue, the cheers of glee for the won game and the cheers of close family  for the loving couple still echo around you both. “I love you!” Ben shouts over the defeating roar of the crowds. You giggle, your lips stretching wide at the happiness clear across his face. “I love you too!” You yell back, letting him tuck you into him tightly, hugged under his arm.

“Young love eh?” Ben’s dad beams, his mother gleaming in joy as they watch on while Ben talks to teammates, talks to reporters and talks to family all with his arm tight around your shoulders. He never lets go, never stops engaging you in the conversation. He’s so in love and the way you look at him like he put all the stars in the sky is the most beautiful thing, “I used to be so nervous,” She admits, “So many people say young love doesn’t last. I’ve always hoped theirs really would.” Ben’s dad nods at his mother’s words in agreement. They’ve all seen stories of a love like yours and Ben’s and only half of them seem to go in the right direction. People are very different to who they are at 16 than who they are at 18, and if those people don’t grow together, then they’ll inevitably grow apart as a couple. Both your family and his were always a little concerned about that happening in the back of their minds. Nobody knew what a Ben without his (y/n) was like and vice versa. Neither of you even knew what life was like without the other. Nobody knew you apart.

And nobody ever wanted to.

July 2019

You chew on the inside on your cheek, a soft hum of thought leaves you as you continue to tap the tip of your pen on the half filled page of your lined notebook. It hadn't really been a hugely exciting summer and there wasn't much in the way of excitement left for you now with the end of your final year of uni within reaching distance. You were just in the process of d thinking about what you were going to do when you finally finished up in the coming weeks. You don't really know your life without being in education and you're not entirely sure what you want to do with your degree now you have it.

"Alright?" Ben greets, dropping his keys across from where you sat at the kitchen island. You shrug your shoulders, "Yeah. How was training?"

It was his turn to shrug as he filled a glass up full of water from the sink, "Good, yeah." He answers. The only sound between you then is him gulping down that glass of water, your eyes flicking up to look at him over the top of your laptop screen. "You'll give yourself hiccups." You note softly, a small grin playing on your lips as he turns to you with that humorous glint in his eyes. "I haven't had hiccups in ages, now you mention it." He notes, a chuckle parting his lips as he pads over to stand behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder to look at the laptop screen sitting in front of you. "You'll get them all the time now after saying that." You tease.

His beard tickles your cheek as he laughs, making you giggle softly at the feeling. "Still not sure what you want to do?" He hums into your ear, pressing a gentle kiss against your cheek. "Yeah, so many things and none of them are just jumping out at me y'know?"

He nods, stepping back and letting you go much to your disdain. Until he reaches his strong hands down to the base of the high kitchen island bar stool you sit on to swivel the seat around so that you face him. "I think you just need a break." He shrugs, tilting your chin up to look at him, bent ever so slightly so his lips are within touching distance of yours.

"A break?" You echo while trying to suppress your grin. Ben raises his eyebrows, nodding his head very conclusively. "A break." He finalises. "With me. A you and me only break. Scratch that, a you and me with no phones only break. Somewhere hot with a pool preferably, not private though. One where we have to get up stupid early so I can go stuff those takeaway breakfast boxes with chocolate pastries from the buffet while you steal some poolside sun loungers just like when we were kids eh?"

You let loose one of those happy, nostalgic sighs of pleasure at the memory of those Majorca family holidays with your parents and his - ordering you both down at the arse crack of dawn to make sure everybody got a sun lounger by placing down the towels and setting up camp there while they went for breakfast and brought you some back.

Ben used to fall asleep there every morning, far too tired to remain awake at 7 in the morning during his summer holidays and you'd only wake him if it looked like someone was going to try and move a towel so he could say, "Sorry mate, 's my dad's towel he's just away to the bathroom." Because you were always too shy to speak up to the other people hanging around waiting like hawks to steal the seats when heads were turned. Then there'd be hours of swimming pool games and then nights full of holiday pool table matches that for some reason you always won.

"I do miss those days," you hum. Ben tugs you up to your feet so he can pull you properly into his arms. "We should try going? I can book it now and we can go before the season starts?" He says, his words as quick as he wants your answer and the final decision to be. But he feels you sigh against him.

"There's only three days between when my dissertation is due to when you have your first game of the season. It just doesn't work Ben, I'm sorry." You sigh, feeling him deflate a little against you. "It's fine. We're both busy. It's alright."

"I love you." You mutter against his chest, words muffled by his training shirt that smells so very much like him. "I love you too baby." He replies, pressing his lips lovingly to the top of your head.

Those words are true. They're spoken with the sincerity of the emotion behind them. You love him and he loves you, more than either of you could ever really get across.

But for how long can things be okay before they just aren't?

How many busy schedules, date nights cancelled and late nights spent where neither of you end up in bed, never mind in bed together. Ben celebrates his wins and have late nights at the office because you've worked your way up so quickly and before you know it - there's something between you that has never been there before.

It's there all the time. It's there in those early morning wake-ups that used to be dragged out with loving kisses and cheeky wake up calls that you both very much regarded as a treat. Or in the silent dinners where you've both got so much to talk about but neither of you can find the words to use to say it. It's there in the coldness that exists in that house once so full of love.

That's the biggest problem though, probably the most painful one.

You still love each other so much.

Love is what's kept you together, what's kept you from calling it quits on either end of this relationship. You don't know how to exist without him and you're scared to. That can never thrive in a relationship. As kids, as teenagers and as young adults who're still smothering each other in that love and attention - it can work. It does work and it did for you and Ben.

There was passion, spontaneity and certainty in the fact you had known each other forever. Now the only thing that was really keeping you both going was similar, but so far from the same. You stayed together because it was what people do, right? When they've been together for nearly 6 years, they stay together because they love each other. That's what you and Ben are doing.

There's this hope that everything will even out. That what you have is just a little bit of a rough patch and that things will swing back in your favour soon enough.

But two people who have loved each other every day for six years have slowly become two people who pass each other at home like ships in the night. There's no shortage of love there and it hurts so much that everything is slipping through your fingers.

Yet neither of you seem to do anything about it. What is there to do?

"I don't think this is working, Ben."

Your voice catches him off-guard. It's as if he's almost forgotten what it sounds like to have you talk to him because it just doesn't sound like you. Your voice is happier than that, full of love and always like music to his ears. This you is dejected, your voice croaky and exhausted as he turns off the tv and removes his feet from the coffee table to plant them firmly on the ground beneath him. "Sorry?" He coughs, swallowing thickly.

"You know what I said, Ben. Please don't make me say it again."

He's never heard so much pain in your voice. He's never known your face to hold so much hurt or your eyes to look so defeated. He doesn't know this version of you and if he were to ask you he knows for a fact you would say the same about him.

He devotes his time to making himself a starter in a team beneath Brendan Rogers, trying to establish himself internationally and make himself one of the best left-backs in the world. You devoted yourself to promotions. Things that would satisfy your desire and your drive only momentarily before you made chase on the very next thing to occupy your mind as Ben slowly slips in and out of your life like the tide on an empty beach in winter.

There's so much love left between you, and hurt as that may you couldn't continue this relationship only to get to a point where there isn't any. That would be far worse than leaving while there still is. Where Ben still has love in his eyes when he looks at you and neither one of you has said a hurtful word to the other in a heat of the moment all out fight that'll mark the end of your relationship. It's better to end it here.

"I know," Ben sighs, pushing himself to his feet to cross the distance of the living room to stand in front of you in the doorway to a place you spent so much time together. "I'm sorry."

He bought that house near his 19th birthday and you moved in together there and then. You'd grown there, together and Ben can't imagine this place with just him in it just the same you couldn't picture it without him here. At nearly 22, the adorable youthfulness of the relationship has dwindled to leave to adults who people still know were those childhood sweethearts.

It bears upon them a weight.

'You've been together forever, when're those kiddies coming along' and 'isn't it about time you two tied the knot?' are common questions bestowed upon you and Ben both by people you know and people you don't. There's barely been a peaceful moment to even sit and discuss those things since he got his first senior call-up in 2018 and was determined to maintain his space in his country's international side.

You wanted kids desperately. You wanted to be married and you wanted a settled life in a house somewhere quiet with a garden and quaint family adventures on the weekends. Ben was built for the city, late nights under strobe lights. He knew these dreams and he felt like an idiot standing in front of you knowing that he knew part of why you had to call it quits here and now, wishing he could find the words to beg you to stay and tell you all about what he wants; how much he wants it all with you.

But the thoughts of his career, those celebrations. The times he gets you just to himself, the things he wouldn't get to do if he makes the kind of commitments that are right there on the tip of your tongue.

"I just need some time," You say, your voice wavering desperately trying to stop it from cracking and allowing you to cry. Ben swallows thickly, "To learn who we are apart." He finishes, nodding. He knows the feeling.

You were always going to need to know what life was like without the other always there. You'd never known a heartbreak and neither had he. Never knew what it actually was to have to fight for a love. You didn't know if that's what you should be doing now. You've never known another love that isn't this one that you have right here with him. "Yeah." You agree softly, pressing your lips together. It doesn't help though, they still wobble and those tears streak their way down your cheeks, much to Ben's dismay.

He can't cope when you're upset and knowing that he's the reason you're standing there breaking your heart is the most painful thing that he's ever known.

How can something that feels so, so wrong and so, so painful ever be the right thing? He wonders. How can the boy who listened to you talking about those dreams be the same man who's standing here now refusing to fight for the same things he promised you all those years ago.

There's no guilty party here and yet both of you feel so at fault.

He can't shake the feeling that there was more than he could have done. Ben could have given you more time, he could've told you he loved you more recently, could have held you, celebrated with you instead of partying his nights away. You could have communicated with him, stopped working so late just so you didn't have to face any confrontation, you should've fought harder.

You're not happy and it's not his fault. It's no one's fault. There's no way for you to know what you want until you really go searching for it and Ben loves you enough to know that this is what you need more than you could ever need him right now, even if that's something you could never admit or accept yourself. It's not that he doesn't want to fight for you, of course he does. But he can't put up a fight for you when you aren't ready to be fought for. You need time to find out who you are without this town, these people and everything it brings to you. You need to find out what you want and if what you want is with him like you always thought it would be. He knows this and no matter how much it hurts, he will never ever step in the way of that. You have given him room to run, go on loans, travel the world and play for his country. In turn, you've given him the room to discover himself in the way you have never had the room to do.

Now you've discovered you want to do it - or rather it's now that you need to before you become suffocated by this place - it is only right in his mind that he returns the favour you have afforded to him for his whole life with you.

Neither of you can bring yourself to vocalise these things. These vital, pivotal thoughts that could throw a spanner in the works of this separation.

Instead, you pack.

And downstairs, Ben stands and listens to you pack.

It's like every one of his worst nightmares. You're leaving and there's nothing he can say or do to stop it. Except of course there is, he just can't say it. He can make any more promises that he isn't ready to honour.

The way you stand at the bottom of the stairs, your eyes puffy and your face red from the sobs he could hear upstairs breaks his heart. He's the same, his eyes red and teary as he paws away the tears with the back of his hand once again.

"That you then?" Ben asks, watching you nod weakly in response. "I'm sorry." He says. His words are as full of emotion as his face is as you step forward, basically toe to toe with the man you love so much. "Me too." You bleat.

That sound, the horrible sound of your pain does as it always has. It hurts him to no end. There's so little he wouldn't do to stop you hurting, but he can't do anything if he'll only hurt you more in the long term. He couldn't do that to you.

But he does collect you in his arms, holding you tighter than he ever had. He feels you shaking as you grip onto him just as tightly. You stand there, two aching hearts and forever entwined souls begging for one last moment together before beginning a venture into a life apart that they may never reunite from. He may never see you again after this and though it's his worst fear, he will dwell on it.

"I don't know how to be without you." You whimper into his chest, feeling it shake with a sob in response to your words. He can't offer anything of advice in return or anything that will even begin to soothe the pain that you feel. "Me too." is all he can return with as you both pull out of the hug.

"I lo-" You hold up a hand to stop him on the brink of those words that might have you staying when you both know it's for the best that you don't.

"Please don't," you beg weakly, "don't make this any harder than it already is Ben, please."

That's the second time you've said that. Emphasising that this is just as hard and just as painful for you as it is for him. That somehow hurts more. Neither of you want this and yet both of you probably need it.

But Ben's heart hurts so bad. It feels so heavy the second that front door closes behind you. It feels as empty as your half of the closet, your half of the bed that night, as empty as your seat at the kitchen island. As empty as his life is without you in it.

When you love someone for as long and as much as Ben loves you, you never forget it. It never leaves you. That kind of love engraves that other person into your memory, into your life and most importantly into your heart forever. Long may your mind forget years into the future, but the heart will never forget those who it loved so much and gave so much for.

Neither of you are ready right now for each other. You've done exactly what everyone hoped you never would; grew apart.

Now wasn't your time, but Ben is not ready for this to be over forever. He hopes, somewhere deep down that there is going to be a place for you in his life again. He hopes to god that one day you'll find your way back together. Be it by fate or just luck he does not care. He hopes that a few years from now when he's settled down into being a proper adult and when you've come to terms with exactly what it is you want from life, that you'll find your way back into his arms. He hopes that your travels lead you right back to happiness and that all those dreams you've had together can one day be exactly as they were always planned.

Ben isn't sure.

But one thing that he is absolutely certain of is that his heart belongs to you. It always has and he knows for sure that it always will. He's never loved anyone else and maybe he never will. Ben doesn't know.

So what he will do is what he always has. He'll let himself love you. It isn't hard, though it is now painful. And while he waits for you, he'll do the only thing he really can think of.

He'll put that battered up, broken heart of his somewhere good and safe for the meantime. Just in case you come back and want it again someday.

[theveil-and-thepath]

SHOULD YOU BLOCK YOUR EX ? - PAC n°07

Ex girlfriend, boyfriend, ex weird relationship that turned sour, ex toxic relationship (includes friendships), ex friend who had a weird fall out, also that ex from seven years ago that you had forgotten about but just had a dream about them...

Should you block them on social media? Judge for yourself. This is short: what can happen if you block them and what can happen if you don't, ultimately it's all up to you, you should trust yourself. Pick one pile - at least have one pile as the main one or the message can get confusing. My first time dealing with possibly love related stuff, I'm doing this under impulse, let's see how it goes.

PICK A PICTURE

⭐ This is 100% entertainment. Please don’t take it seriously. Take what fits, discard what doesn’t. I'm not responsible for your expectations or your actions. Remember, this is a general reading. I welcome anon/ not anon feedback. I wish you a beautiful day and a rainbow of light ⭐

Pile 1

(three of pentacles/five of pentacles, eight of pentacles/two of swords, temperance/seven of wands)

If you block them you'll begin to feel your creativity and desire to work on your goals come back to you a lot easier. If you don't block them it'll be much harder work. Regardless, your emotions may be a bit extreme regarding this situation so try to be more balanced. Don't be mistaken, blocking them can make you feel lonely now that they'll won't be able to reach you anymore (and they won't!) but it's a decision you can make. Now, all you have is endless doubt and you keep ruminating your thoughts. Try to be calm and enforce your decision, whathever it is. But you should make a decision, for the situation won't solve itself alone and you'll have to defend your ground. It's up to you to decide if you want this doubt to end.

Pile 2

(six of cups/page of cups, the devil/the star, the judgement/ace of wands)

My dear pile two, stay away from this person. You'll be longing for the past if you block them; however, if you don't, they'll torment you like they used to and it can be even worse (not imediately, but they will, either tempting you or being toxic). You need to stop dreaming and judge the events by what really happened, some sh** happened there and you want to bury it and not see, but you need to examine it, no sugarcoating. If you block them you'll avoid their eventual return into your life and you'll help yourself open up to the good and positive friendships in your life. Take the iniciative, think of what happened: do you want a replay? Maybe you do, maybe they're hot lol they likely are pretty hot in case it was romantic or sexual, and maybe for you the only sh** that happened was them leaving the relationship, but think if that's what's best for you in the long run. Think twice. Decide.

Pile 3

(four of wands/the lovers, nine of wands/two of swords, death/king of pentacles)

Well, you are sitting on the fence, wary about they contacting you or not. It's cliché, you don't know what to do. But it couldn't be more clear that if you block them you should have some peace of mind and be happy about it. What you need is start over. Die and be reborn. Be firm about what you want and your uncertanty will vanish, it'll be much easier to be open to another relationship and frienship once you make the decision to move on for good. If you don't block them, just expect the same doubt and that being 90% in the process of moving on but never making the final leap.

Pile 4

(three of cups/seven of cups, the sun/king of swords, page of wands/queen of swords)

Will it make that much of a difference if you block them? It looks like they have other means to get to you if they want to. Or you didn't really break up, and ex that's still not a real ex (or it's so long ago that it won't matter rn). Regardless, it's not like you need to block them. I just think that if you do a lot more possible "next relationships" may come your way and you'll get to choose what you want. Just don't expect a dream relationship. You need to come down to earth now when it comes to expectations about the future. Still, when it comes to this ex you're thinking about, I'm not sure how much of a difference it will make if you block them. For now, not much will change.

Pile 5

(king of cups/the chariot, two of cups/eight of wands, page of pentacles/the sun)

Hm... Do you want to go back together or go back to talking terms? Because you might if you don't block them. If you do, however, I don't see a lot of grudges and you can change your mind back quick. I'll be honest, I think you'll talk again. The only way for you not to talk again is: block them and move on fast without looking back. Just decide what you want, there's not much rage or hate in here, but meditate and think before decide. Your decision is important here, it's your decision that will stand because if you block them and don't want anything to do with them that's what may happen. If you do nothing, well, make your bets on who will call who first.

image source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

👑⭐🌙⭐👑.👑⭐🌙⭐👑.👑⭐🌙⭐👑

[proshipsafehouse]

A lot of the discourse I see around proshipping (by antishippers) sounds an awful lot like the rhetoric used to justify why trans women are a threat to kids in public bathrooms.

The transmisia argument: if we allow trans women in bathrooms, then who knows what they'll do to our kids?

The flaw: there are zero cases of trans women harming kids in public bathrooms. There are, however, cases of MAP men dressing as women and harming kids in public bathrooms.

"If we didn't allow trans women in women's bathrooms, then those MAP men couldn't sneak in anyway. People will just assume they're trans!"

Why is it a random trans person's fault that someone else is committing a crime? The trans person just wants to use the bathroom. You plan to punish ALL trans people because some MAPs choose to commit crimes? What the MAPs are doing is already illegal.

The antiship argument: proshippers are MAPs because they're aroused by children, and if left unchecked, will take their arousal with fiction and make it reality. If not, then best case scenario is that they're letting other people think x, y, z is okay.

The flaw: proshippers are people who seek out like-minded people, and they don't engage minors intentionally. Someone who DOES seek out minors intentionally is a MAP. There are MAPs who join the proshipper community in order to get access to the content they want, though, but in the same way that a square (MAP) can be a rectangle (proshipper), a rectangle (proshipper) is not a square (MAP).

"Proshippers are creating a community where, even if they AREN'T a MAP, they're making a safe space FOR a MAP."

Why is it a random proshipper's fault that a MAP is committing a crime, or invading communities they're not wanted in? In the same way that the queer community doesn't want MAPs included in the LGBTQIA+ alphabet, proshippers ALSO don't want MAPs in the proship community.

Regardless of WHY someone is a proshipper (depravity, coping, curiosity, etc.), unless they're ALSO a MAP, they're not INTO KIDS. Let me repeat that: in order to BE a MAP, you have to be attracted to kids. If a proshipper is not attracted to kids, then they're not a MAP.

To be more clear, since this seems to be up for debate for some reason: writing fiction with other consenting people is nothing at all like sexual assault.

As a 25+ roleplayer (and survivor of CSA), I always list that I'll only roleplay sexual scenes with people 25 and up. The reason I do that is because it's extremely unlikely that a 13 year old will write as well as a 25+ person, let alone an 18 year old. It's a way to make sure I'm not writing with children, because I have no interest in them--AND I have no interest in exposing them to my interests.

Now, if I wanted to post something publicly (which is my own business), then anyone is welcome to block me and my content. In the same way that I block any gore posts that I don't want to see. People have different interests. Why do yours have to be respected, but you don't have to return the same courtesy?

Additionally, when I, personally, write younger characters, it's always a secondary roleplay to the main one. The main is usually two consenting adults who knew each other when they were younger, and the secondary roleplay is to see how they would've met (and maybe how they engaged with one another romantically/sexually to see how the relationship would've formed).

This isn't what everyone does, and even if someone wants to write a loli or just a very young, naive person, then that's actually their own business, too. And, again, you can block anyone you don't like the content of. We post publicly so like-minded people can find us, not because we want to hurt anyone.

When someone says "fiction doesn't equal reality," what they're saying is backed by actual studies. There was an argument for a long time about video games causing aggression in kids. What they uncovered was that that was KIND of true: children who played violent video games were more prone to violence, but only when that child was already more prone to violence.

The same is true here: proshippers aren't into kids, and don't become MORE into kids from writing/drawing fictional characters, UNLESS they were already a MAP to begin with.

Conflating the two is harmful, especially when so many proshippers were victims of CSA themselves. Turning around and saying 'you're a MAP' to someone who was harmed by a MAP is extremely damaging to a person.

Wanted to get this off my chest. I hope the people that wanted to see it have/will see it.

Anti-Shippers & Minors, DNI.

[megatontiddies]

Your fallout OC as a companion taken from @goovat ask meme except I'm using it as a writing prompt/ oc development? I guess? because I think it's cool and I'm bored and want to write it all anyways

Anywhompst this is for Alwine and since it's pretty long (like really long you've been warned) I'll throw 'er under the cut

What perk would they give the player?

Occam's Laser

While Alwine is an active companion the player gets +40% damage with laser weapons and +25% headshot accuracy in VATS with scoped laser weapons. One shot kills produce 2X the XP.

How do you recruit them? are there multiple methods?

After the player levels past level 10, or alternatively, upon finding Paladin Danses Recon team Alwine will be found as a new recruit for the BOS. Once the player does the first two repeat quests by Haylen and Rhys and The Lost Patrol quest begins she is available to assist the player in the mission. After the mission is complete she may offer to follow the player as a companion if the player has chosen the more diplomatic speech options with Brandis and Danse. If the player chose the more aggressive/ rude options while speaking with the two then it will require a small speech check in order to be a companion.

What raises and lowers their affinity?

Raises: Minutemen/ Helping Settlement quests, Stealing from wealthy NPCs, BOS quests up until BB, Helping Anyone, Honorable Actions, Amicable Dialogue Choices (for the most part)

Lowers: Murdering innocents, Stealing From Settlers/ Not Well Off NPCs, Unnecessarily Rude Dialogue Options

How do they react to certain things? what do they say? (eg. lockpicking, grabbing junk, killing?)

Lockpicking:

(nostalgic/ thinking to self out loud/ amused) " Really coulda used a trick like that when I got locked outta my house that one time..."

(humorous/ surprised) " And here I was ready to blow 'er open"

(thinking to self out loud/ amused) " Hell o' a lot quieter than kickn' er open"

Grabbing Junk:

(blanket statement/ flatly) "it's amazing what you can build outta junk"

(enthusiastic/ bubbly) "It might be radioactive but if ya render it down with a bit ah castor oil it makes a great paint for glow sights"

(humorous/ matter of factly) "I'd rather carry 40 pounds ah junk than fork up an arm and a leg to buy the same shit later from Crazy Myrna"

Player Overencumbered:

(genuine concern) "If ya keep pickin' shit up you'll slip a disc"

(teasing/ amused/ worried) "Jeeesus look at yah! You look like a pack brahmin!"

(teasing/ amused) "With yer pack so stuffed if ya fall on yer face you'll never get up again"

Murder:

[Alwine Hated That]

(angry/ surprised) "What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

(angry/ confrontationally) "You better spit out a good reason for that and fast"

(angry/ bewildered) "Are you for real?"

notes: Alwines reaction to murder is exclusive to people she genuinely feels are innocent. She's comfortable with deaths she deems necessary (or if the person made themselves known as a pretty awful person).

Cannibalism:

[Alwine Disliked That]

(disgusted/ shocked) "oh? OH. Great, like there wasn't enough nightmare fuel out here"

(disgusted/ worried) "In't there, like, a brainworm or sumn' you can get from doin that?"

(disgusted but still attempting to be light hearted/ humorous) "Like it blue eh? I prefer mine rare... a lil less peopley too..."

Stealing in general:

[Alwine Disliked That]

(irritated) "Hope that wasn't somethin important"

(irritated) "Should I be sleeping with one eye open round you?"

(irritated) "Like people don't have enough shit to worry 'bout out here..."

Stealing/Pick Pocketing (but from wealthy/etc NPCs):

[Alwine Liked That]

(approving) "Lord knows they have more than nuff' to share"

(approving) "Doubt they'll even notice it's missing"

(approving/ musing aloud) "The unyielding greed and ignorance of the wealthy was the catalyst of Armageddon"

Pick Pocketing:

[Alwine Disliked That]

(surprised/irritated) "Why don't you spit in his eye while you're at it"

(irritated/ humorous) "I feel like I should put a cat bell on ya"

(irritated) ~audible scoff~ The player is likely being glowered at

Enemies Found:

(Shocked/ Excitably) "Y' ello!"

(loudly/ warning) "On yer flank!"

(loudly/ shocked) [weirdish sound presumably before lashing out a punch of hit of some form] " GWEHHK!"

Enemies Lost:

(quietly/ nervous) " shit... where'd you go you bastard"

(quietly/ nervous) " Lost 'em"

(quietly/ to self/ nervous) " I swear to lord if ya jump out at me..."

Enemies Killed:

(satisfied/ calmly) "good riddance to bad rubbish"

(loudly/ excitable) "Bingo!"

(quietly/ almost a whisper/ to self) [only if player is sneaking] "...bingo bango bongo..."

Player stops talking mid conversation:

(sympathetic/ lighthearted) "Sometimes I loose track of my thoughts too"

(genuine worry) "Ya good? Take yer time."

(humorous/ teasing) "Not a thought between those eyes is there?"

Player removes all garb:

(shocked but also amused/ between light laughs) "oh?"

(mindless banter/ avoidance) " This would probably be a good stun tactic if y'aint fraid of gettin yer tidbits shot"

(humorous/ almost scolding) "Y'aint invisible... just so ya know"

Player loots a corpse:

(plainly) "Any ammo?"

(joking/ light hearted) "Guess they won't be needing that anymore"

(statement/ plainly) "Grim business but you can find some good stuff sometimes."

Player starts swimming:

(plainly/ matter o factly) "Ain't no way I'm going in there"

(humorous but fear is present in voice) "If a big fish decides you look like lunch I ain't gonna be able to help ya"

(almost nostalgic/ sarcastic) "Yeah me and the brick tied for the swimming contest back in 63... I'll just stay on the shore"

Player jumps from high place:

(genuine concern) "ouch! you good?"

(soft yell/ concerned/ as if watching player fall) "aaAAaaa!?"

(oblivious to the player falling) "Where'd ya go?"

Do they periodically give the player items? what kind of items?

Bowls of various soups if player interacts between 5 and 9 PM. Every other time she'll give the player Fusion Cells.

Would they be able to do specialized task? (eg. repairs, hacking)

Not necessarily a task but if the player was to put various junk/ weapons in her inventory then she will periodically/ randomly mod them.

Would they be romancable?

Yeah probably? I think? In my AU she romances Paladin Danse but that would probably not be something that could happen as an NPC in Fallout 4 so??

If it were something like Mass Effect it would probably be like a Garrus/ Tali situation where if the player never romanced either characters then they would form a romance.

Do they have a unique outfit or weapon?

Alwine wears a black BOS jumpsuit for the first half of the game up until BB. After that she'll wear military fatigues. She'll wear the same over armor (BOS heavy armor) for both but after BB the BOS symbols are sanded off. It would be a unique unremovable armor set.

What would be their personal quest, if they have one?

This one is a bit weird since the player would be taking the role of the Sole Survivor. That being said I've always found that one empty cryo-chamber at the end of the vault hall interesting. There probably is a reason for that (like it just wasn't occupied or the occupant died before vault scientists had their spit) but for the sake of this AU/ prompt we'll say that she had a similar entrance to the vault as the sosu, bringing her babe into the vault and getting frozen with Kellogg snatchin both their children (this is lazy writing I know but I don't know how to write this without fundamentally changing her character). The only difference is that somehow maybe Alwine was released/ thawed earlier and got a bit of a head start. Because Alwine is no longer the sosu she wouldn't of encountered Preston at Concord and Codsworth likely either wouldn't of recognized her or simply acted like it was prewar and spoke to her only as if that was the same narrative giving her no sense to what was happening or how much time has elapsed. Alwine would of wandered out on her own and then stumbled onto Paladin Danses recon team and eventually got inducted in hopes of finding her child.

For her personal quest it would likely be trying to find evidence on what happened to her child. The quest would start with the player character going into the institute, and since companions can't follow the player there (minus X6), she would request that they find out what happened. After some digging the player will discover that Alwines child was killed in experimentation over 60 years ago in trials to make experimentation safer for 'father'. The player can bring this information back and Alwine will be devastated but grateful for the player finding this out for her. Despite being fairly amicable with the player she insists she needs time to grieve and that following the player is a cold reminder of the pain. Regardless of what the player says she parts ways with the player and goes back to the Prydwen and will idle there until the Liberty Reprimed quest where she will disappear from the map. Alwine will remain missing from the map until Blind Betrayal where she will be standing outside the bunker blocking Elder Maxon, as well as arguing with him, from entering the building. The player's choices will affect how Alwine responds.

- If the player executed Paladin Danse within the bunker then Alwine will become immediately hostile to the player. She will be forced to be killed by either the player or Maxon.

- If the player spares Danse then chooses to execute him when confronted by Maxon then Alwine will make it clear that she will not hesitate to become hostile to defend her friend. With a red speech check the player can convince her to stand down but she will be remorseful and refuse to follow the player afterwards and disappear off the map. Her body surrounded by a myriad of dead raiders will then be a random encounter while wandering the commonwealth. If the speech check is failed she will become hostile forcing the player, or Maxon, to execute her.

- If the player spares Danse then convinces Maxon to spare him then Alwine will express gratitude and her perk will become available. Unfortunately for Alwine her disobedience and willingness to become hostile towards the elder causes him to kick her out of the brotherhood. She will remain at the bunker with Danse until the player completes the quest and then upon the player returning Danse will disclose that she has gone to the Castle in order to join the Minutemen where she can be reobtained as a companion.

What are their opinions on certain factions? (eg. brotherhood, NCR)

Minutemen:

Genuinely believes that they have the best interests for the Commonwealth. Worries that they lack the men and firepower to take on the Institute or any other large faction that could pose a threat. This Worry is dissuaded after The Nuclear Option and her affirmation towards them only increases. With time, resources, and good leadership, Alwine believes they could become a major player even outside of the Commonwealth.

BOS:

At first is amazed by their technological advancements and firepower especially compared to the rest of the Commonwealth. The comradery is nostalgic and comforting for Alwine as it reminds her of her days in the US Military as a Power Armor Mechanic. After some time she realizes that they're a bit lost for direction grasping at straws for purpose and that their idea of "freeing the Commonwealth" might be misinformed well intention fueled by fear and dogma. When she was new to the commonwealth and didn't understand much about anything really the fearmongering and racism towards ghouls and synths were more tolerable (but still uncomfortable) it eventually become almost intolerable the longer she stayed and the more informed she became about the natures of both.

Railroad:

At first is weary of them. Alwine is careful around people who keep secrets and after spending so much time in the Brotherhood interacting with the Railroad pushes her hackles up. She does like how they work to help the synths, especially after BB, despite being mostly associated with the BOS. She becomes more comfortable after becoming more educated about synths, between the Railroad themselves informing her and the data collected by the player at the Institute itself, and eventually embraces the Railroad as a necessity after BB.

Gunners:

Heavily dislikes them. To her they're essentially just militarized raiders.

Institute:

Has a hate towards them that just strengthens over time. Their ignorance and misuse of technology is both a tragedy and crime. For the most part she pities them but strongly believes that their destruction is absolutely necessary.

Nuka World:

They're raiders so Alwine is pretty hostile towards them. Despite this their organization and brutality makes Alwine careful about making them enemies. If possible she would work to keep them out of the Commonwealth as much as possible or at the very least work to create some kind of truce of sorts to prevent a major confrontation (which would likely be devastating to both sides).

Atom Cats:

They remind her a lot of her friends prewar with the way they talk and their fondness for power armor. She likes them.

Children of Atom:

Alwine believes in freedom of belief as long as said belief does not infringe on the beliefs and freedoms of others. As long as they are respectful of herself and others she will act the same. Alwine is also a bit curious about them she would likely ask a bunch of questions if they allowed it. Other than that she would keep her distance, mostly due to the rads.

General voice lines? (in reaction to companion wheel selections)

Talk:

(friendly/ bubbly) "What's crackalacin"

(friendly/ inquisitive) "You okay?"

(spacy/ broken out of thought) "Hmm?"

Trade:

(friendly/ bubbly) "What's mine is yours"

(joking/ teasing) "finally got tired of carrying that junk eh?"

(joking within a genuine question) "Hey maybe I can carry the big guns instead of the junk for once....no? maybe?"

Follow:

(plain/ firm statement) "Got it"

(bubbly) "Comin!"

(bubbly/ softly) "Oke Doke"

Wait:

(plainly) "alrighty"

(plainly/ softly) "I'll just sit tight"

(masking nervousness through humor) "Don't leave me here too long... might forget what I'm waitin' for and wander off"

Where would you find them in the world?

She would be located at the Cambridge Police Station. Then later at the Castle.

Which game would they be from?

Fallout 4

Miscellaneous facts?

If the player puts alcohol in her inventory and the player gets 'drunk' she will match the player for drinks and her basic dialogue will be slurred for a short time after

Alwine will loot the entirety of corpses, clothes and all, when asked to loot bodies.

Alwine will periodically build weapon and armor mods which can be taken out of her inventory by the player

Alwine refuses to go in water and a hit box specifically for her prevents her from entering. This results in a glitch that has Alwine swimming in the air several feet above the water while the player is swimming.

If the player uses console commands to force Alwine into the water she will sink to the bottom similar to if she were wearing power armor. Note: This does not affect her health she will just idle at the waterbed.

[one-boring-person]

Only Traitors Consort With The Damned. (Part 13)

The Lost Boys x reader

Warnings: injury, blood

Context: The boys, (Y/n) and Nico formulate a plan to get out of the cave safely.

A/N: I have a new editor! It is my good friend @jawline-of-steel and she will hopefully be helping me with editing on all of my work!😊💛💛💛

Edited By: @jawline-of-steel

Masterlist

“What do we do? There’s no way out of here except through there! We’re trapped!” I say quickly, keeping my voice down as much as i can so as not to alert anyone outside of the fact that we are very close by, “Is there anywhere we can hide?”

“In here? Yeah, there is, but I’m not sure how good the hiding places are, especially not for someone as big as him.” Dwayne muses, gesturing to Nico as he turns to David with a questioning look on his face.

“All of the hallways are blocked off by debris, and any of the crawlspaces barely fit us, so it’s doubtful that he will be able to get through.” The platinum blonde responds dismissively, though his tone betrays his nerves, the idea of a team of highly trained Hunters waiting just outside the cave worrying and unnerving to him.

“How is she supposed to walk anywhere? She’s got a busted leg, remember?” Paul interjects, pointing at me.

“One of us could carry her?” Marko suggests, which draws a low growl from Nico, his protective side showing through as he tightens his grip around me, holding me tighter to his chest.

I think for a minute, during which time the other five tense up, clearly having heard something I can't, Marko and Paul starting to look even more worried. Frowning, i look around at them all, as if asking them to clarify, though none of them care to explain; instead, David jerks his head to the side, signalling for the rest of us to follow him as he leads us through a nearby tunnel, which takes us to what i assume is their sleeping quarters, Nico having to duck down the entire time as he struggles to fit his bulk in the space. As we emerge into the area, David quickly starts talking.

“The sun is gonna come up soon, so we don’t really have too much time, but I think we can help you. If one of us carries (Y/n), then she can leave through the way we get in and out of here, which isn’t accessible by foot, so it's the safest way out. As for Nico, there’s a chance we can lure the Hunters around the caves enough for him to have a clear chance at getting out of here, but it will only work if you're fast, because they'll most likely be expecting something like this to happen. There’s a safehouse a little way away, where you can stay until you can find transport, and where one of us can stay whilst the sun is out.” The vampire swiftly explains, the rest of us nodding as we take in the plan, glad that one of us is thinking rationally. 

“Hold on, why do you have a safehouse?” Nico asks, frowning in the dim light.

“Our sire made it in case anyone ever came after us.” Dwayne fills him in, before moving on again just as quickly, “Which one of us is going to carry her?”

“Paul will, he's the fastest out of the four of us, which will mean he can get to the safehouse much quicker.” David says decisively, looking to his friend for confirmation.

“I’ll do it.” The tall vampire nods, reaching out to take me from Nico, who reluctantly hands me over, giving me one last squeeze for reassurance as he passes me to the blonde.

“Hang on a sec, what about Nico? How is he supposed to know where the safehouse is?” I chip in, looking at the towering werewolf as he straightens again.

The vampires are silent for a moment, thinking the question through, clearly as stuck as I am. Eventually, Dwayne pipes up again, having thought of something.

“I guess one of us will have to go with him.” The brunette says, looking around at the others.

“Yeah, I guess that would help.” I agree, adjusting myself in Paul’s arms.

“I can do it, I'm fast enough to get out of here and into cover before the sun comes up.” Dwayne offers, looking over at Nico as the werewolf, nods appreciatively, still uneasy around the vampires, but not as much as before. 

“Ok, Dwayne will go with the werewolf. We’ll stay here and out of sight as much as we can.” David says with finality, watching us all agree before speaking again, “Alright then, let's get going, I can already hear them on the steps.”

“Alright. Thank you for doing this, you really didn't have to.” I say to them all, smiling thankfully.

“No problem, Dwayne is right. We owe you this, you’ve saved our lives too many times to count.” The platinum blonde waves me off, moving to start off into a nearby hallway. 

I go to say something, only for Nico to cut me off, gesturing for Paul and Dwayne to move off immediately, not allowing me to argue with him, as is often the case. Paul starts moving off, carrying me as he turns down a different way to the others, where there is already a cooler breeze blowing in from the sea just outside. I lean back against the vampire’s chest, tensing in his arms in trepidation as i think through the plan in my head, still nervous about what will happen to my friends whilst im gone, particularly David and Marko, who will be stuck in the cave with a bunch of Hunters ready to kill them at a moment’s notice, should they get themselves caught. Part of me is confident that they won’t, but the more rational part of my mind knows that there is a very high probability of things going badly, which will end even worse for the rest of us. 

I am snapped from my thoughts by the sound of the roaring ocean, the cave now widening out into a cavern that is filled with crashing waves, the far end ïleading to the sea itself, the horizon still cloaked in darkness despite the proximity of dawn that is fast approaching.

“You're gonna want to hold on tight.” Paul warns me, waiting for me to grip him with more force before he kicks off the ground, the disorientation that comes with his floating slightly off-putting as I become stiff in his arms.

“Hey, relax. I'm not going to drop you.” The vampire promises, before he starts to move off towards the front of the cave and out into the open. 

*

My back aches as I slouch in the chair I'm sat in, my fingers knotted together as I watch the doorway, my lip already in shreds from how much I've been biting it, every muscle in my body tense with nerves. Across from me, Paul eyes me in concern, knowing that every movement I'm making is upsetting the injury on my knee, which is throbbing painfully now, though I am ignoring it in favour of staring at the space where Nico and Dwayne should appear. 

"They'll make it, (Y/n), don't worry." The vampire tries to reassure me, though he isn't too convinced, looking just as worried and uneasy as i feel.

"I hope so." I manage back, my jaw clenched and tight, though I am doing my best to relax it.

We wait in silence again for a few moments, neither of us daring to say a word in case we miss the tell tale sounds of someone entering the safe house through the hatch in the abandoned gas station above, the actual door itself squeaky and stiff from disuse. It takes a little while, but eventually we hear it, at which point Paul moves to stand by the doorway, ready to intercept if it should be someone unsavoury, rather than the supernatural beings we are expecting. I sit up straighter, my eyes trained on the doorway, anxiously awaiting whoever it is, the heavy footsteps becoming more and more audible as they approach.

Suddenly, the familiar, lithe silhouette of Dwayne enters the candlelight, the brunette limping a little, his bare chest stained red with blood, Nico just behind him, the werewolf completely bare, his skin covered in sweat, blood and dirt. A few cuts litter his chest, though there is a wound on his shoulder where the shaft of a crossbow bolt is just visible. The German instantly comes over to me as he sees me, ignoring any pain as he chooses instead to pull me into an awkward embrace, glad to see I'm alright.

"Thank God you're ok!" He hums into my hair, pulling back to look me in the eye.

"I'm fine, Nico, though I can't say the same about you. What happened?" I respond, looking between him and Dwayne, who has sat down beside me on a different chair. 

"There were some waiting for us outside the cave. We fought them off, but we both got hurt in the process. Nico took a crossbow bolt for me." The vampire informs me, nodding thankfully at the werewolf.

"And you took a bullet for me. We are even." He responds, smiling at the vampire in his usual crooked way, moving away from me when he finally notices that he is still naked, "Are there any clothes in here that I could wear?"

"Err, yeah man, they're over there. What happened to your first ones?" Paul asks, looking a little confused.

Nico sends him an odd look, obviously wondering if the vampire is joking.

"My clothes were destroyed when I transformed."

"You transformed?!" Paul exclaims, going wide-eyed as he looks over the huge werewolf.

"It was the only way either of us would be fast enough." Dwayne cuts in, groaning as he pulls a bullet out of his shoulder with his fingers.

"Oh, right." His friend nods, going to the brunette's side to offer his aid.

Across from us, Nico roughly yanks out the crossbow bolt, growling as he does so, pulling on a shirt that is much too small for him after, knowing that the wounds will heal themselves in a little while. Once done, he moves to sit on a sofa nearby, only to come and help me up when I gesture to him that I'd like to join him. Carrying me over to the sofa, the werewolf sits down with me, placing me beside him as he leans back, clearly tired.

Tired now, I watch as Paul helps Dwayne with his injuries, the two vampires talking quietly amongst each other, clearly worried about David and Marko, who are most likely still running from the Hunters back at the cave, the two of them in great danger. Unconsciously, I let my head drop onto Nico's shoulder, my eyelids starting to droop as I start to give in to the sleep I've been fighting off all night, the perpetual warmth from his body soothing and calming to me, his arm coming up to support me as he carefully manoeuvres us so that he's lying back against the arm of the sofa, my body resting on his. In this new position I quickly feel myself start to lose consciousness, my muscles finally relaxing as I let myself fall asleep.

Part Fourteen

[daikenkki]

MrDonald09: Since Series 22, what new change has annoyed you the MOST??

tttedrawings: Fantasy sequences and the intro/life lessons outro, they just make the episodes shorter, and most of the time aren't really needed at all.

MrDonald09: Ah yes unfortunately you can only have 4 options on Twitter polls, I’m sure the list would be huge if you could have more.

MasonDey1: To me the whole concept of the Steam Team is just pointless.

MrDonald09: Yeah it limits the characters that are used most of the time.

PSideplates: I voted for bouncing since it's closest to the general "kids show" tone that BWBA takes on. It really is like watching a show you put on for your 3 year old so you can leave the room in peace. It hurts to watch. If we were getting the Brenner era where the engines bounced, had ugly details, went worldwide, and got Nia and Rebecca, I'd be miffed but accept it. But BWBA just claims to be TTTE and acts like a generic preschool show. And I don't wanna be in a position where I'm an adult watching a preschool show.

MrDonald09: Agreed. I feel proud to be a fan when I watch classic era and Brenner era, but if it was like BWBA throughout the whole show I can tell you I would not be supporting it now.

TCKRangeltoon: I blame Chuggington.

PSideplates: I don't. Chuggington ended before they came up with BWBA. If anything, Chuggington made the market for train toys/shows competitive which forced HiT to make good Thomas products, well toys anyway.

ronniethe14xx: Honestly, disagree with the point it's the most general kids show tone. Travelling seems to be the new hip and cool thing to do in kids shows, I'd argue that makes it slightly worse then the bouncing because it's clear Thomas only jumped on that trend to be "hip".

JovanniChavez11: Faster pace and Thomas losing his identity. I don’t mind Thomas going on a trip but that wasn’t the way to handle it.

MrDonald09: Yes. IMO it should have stopped after the BWBA special, I think it should have only been a special.

Bostonthomasfan: Don’t really mind the bouncing but it can be over done at times. For around the world? I wish there were more episodes on Sodor and less around the world. Like 18-8 would be good.

MikeArc31375512: The bouncing. Loathe it with a passion.

ThomasTVNostal1: The thing I hate is constant arguing over opinions.Some people have been told to fuck themselves for disliking an episode of BWBA that the majority of the fandom likes and vice versa. This is unacceptable. As a fandom, we're a team and we help each other out.

ChillerB3: The forced feminism with Nia, Rebecca and the newer Steam Team really rubbed me the wrong way, more than hyper bouncing and worldwide shit did.

MrDonald09: Same, especially how the majority of the audience really doesn’t care about that, having more females, great! but don’t mess with many people’s childhood to make SJWs and toxic feminists happy cuz I guarantee you the people who wanted this change probably don’t even like the show.

ryanburges4472: I didn't read properly and the real thing since Series 22 that has annoyed me the most is the bouncing. I've been more bothered about the steam team without Henry (Just Henry). I'm happy with Edward sleeping at Wellsworth.

MrDonald09: Yeah, I completely agree honestly i’m not mad that Edward isn’t in the Steam Team anymore. It's Henry that annoys me the most.

ryanburges4472: I know! Gordon and James sleeping at Tidmouth without Henry. Edward is best at Wellsworth because he has a branch line which stars from Wellsworth.

CoolCar161: Henry and Edward stopped appearing as much anyway. They haven’t been good characters since series 4, even in the Brenner era they had little to no appearances due to writer's block. Rivets is a nice little detail that makes them seem more real, Thomas always wanted to see the world and the bouncing is hardly that bad.

TheBlueE21: Thomas' world tour. It's so inconsistent. Doesn't tie into the movie that hyped it up, never explains why or for how long Thomas is in each country, 1 ep he's in China, then Brazil etc then Sodor eps act as though he never left due to always being there. Plus most sets aren't great.

halfbakedhex8: For the record, I voted the 'rivets' option because the inclusion of the new detailing runs so counter to what the show is now, that trying to inflict reality onto the now-very-unreal engines feels very confused as to what the show is trying to achieve.

BluebellThEngin: The "bouncing" doesn't bother me much at first, but as time went on, it starts to get a little out of control and it kinda bugs me. I don't have a problem with the added details like the rivets, but they do look a little too big. Shrink them in size and they'll be okay. I'm mixed on Thomas travelling around the world if I'm being honest. The new Steam Team is what bugs me the most out of all of these options. I never liked it to begin with (minus my child self). It makes the other characters look useless. What I love about the Classic Series is we got lots of stories about almost each and every single one of them it makes the series interesting. But with the Steam Team, not only does it focus on the main characters so much, but it also brings them out of character. Especially if it's for the sake of the plots.

fan_ttte: The New Steam Team with Nia and Rebecca is what I don’t like most. I don’t mind the bouncing or rivets, Thomas going worldwide is okay. I don't know, I just feel like it would’ve been better if Nia and Rebecca did join, but also keep the others, for some interesting interactions and episodes.

islandofodor: If Thomas hadn’t gone worldwide, we’d probably still be in the Brenner era. Granted, it’d still be a slight step down but the international episodes barely take advantage of the different setting and opt to use generic plotlines that we’ve already seen on Sodor.

thesaddletank18: Bouncing, rivets and worldwide idea are bad but the new Steam Team is just....why was this done to the show?

Jacob34335638: I liked the new details, I’m mixed on the New Steam Team, and Thomas travelling the world. But the bouncing is what pisses me off the most, it literally makes the show look like Chuggington. The bouncing was at it’s worst in Journey Beyond Sodor and Thomas’ Magical Birthday Wishes.

TWR_Douglas_10: ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!!!!!

DFox1203: Is everything an option?

TheWinnerGuyCJP: Voted worldwide cuz it makes Thomas completely out of character.

SoupyGunzilla: I think a lot of the stories suffer from the shorter time. A lot of them could be better if they had more time.

kofi_milky: The bouncing, more sing alongs, replacing Edward and Henry with Nia and Rebecca. Even Thomas going worldwide. When the Rev. W. Awdry said "Here is your friend Thomas the Tank Engine. He wanted to come out of his station yard and see the world", the world that's he meant is Sodor.

sodordaily: Choosing New Steam Team because I miss the old SO MUCH!

peter_sam_no4: I think for me the bouncing as it’s so unrealistic . A 1 ton lump of metal can not swing all over the place like it has no weight.

Growlithemaste1: I hate the bouncing the most, but the rest are all useless too.

sixteen_dnw: Worst is the New Steam Team, then worldwide, then rivets, and then bouncing. TBH it doesn’t bother me too much.

BearsFlush: It annoys me that Thomas travels the world, as they remove chapters that might be focus on Sodor, and the locations and some engines are not represented correctly on the railroad.

VacentTest: I’m fine with the New Steam Team changing Edward and Henry out for Nia and Rebecca, I’ve always supported it in the beginning because increased feminism is good. Thomas going worldwide, that didn’t annoy me cause I was interested in that, the rivets is minor and nothing to worry about. But the bouncing, annoyed me the most at first but I’m used to it.

SnatchyBoi: The bouncing and the New Steam Team.

GWREngine: The New Steam Team is the most annoying change. It feels like Mattel doesn't care how special Edward, Henry, and Toby are. Plus we don't need to have more than 1 female main character. Emily being the only girl used to make her special. With Nia and Rebecca around, she isn't special anymore.

TurnTable2002: Chris Renshaw's music really annoys me.

MichaelfromNZ1: Bouncing, worldwide and New Steam Team. They represent how far Thomas has fallen since Mattel fully took over.

ArmchairRailway: New Steam Team.

TI4MGP: This is probably the hardest time I’ve had deciding on one of your polls lol. I went with the Steam Team though, but bouncing comes in a REALLY REALLY close second. The other two are less but equal with each other.

jack_bench: TBH, I'm fine with all of them? But I chose bouncing because the rivets are neat, world-tour - while it makes no sense - has a valuable goal (and is kinda fun), and the Steam Team really needed more female representation which we got with two positive role models in Nia and Rebecca. Bouncing is unnecessary, but not horrendous.

Holycro1Michael: Everything!

JosefSnowBall: Rivets was something I actually liked seeing on some engines. Bouncing is something I’m OK with, it’s kind of grown on me. New Steam Team sucks because it gets rid of the 2 best engines, Edward and Henry, and Thomas worldwide sounded like a bad idea to begin with.

TheThomasFan: Probably Thomas going worldwide . The animation is shit and it’s all just recoloured.

TheUnluckyTug: The new Steam Team. I think I'd be a little more accepting of BWBA if Edward and Henry weren't so transparently and obviously thrown to the side and treated as if they don't exist. It was like the biggest "fuck you" to fans ever.

MrDonald09: Yeah, not to mention Nia and Rebecca have such generic personalities they can barely hold a unique episode nowadays. I can understand Edward staying at Wellsworth but they did Henry DIRTY by slapping him at Vicarstown so he can focus on his Mainland duties yet not do any episode focused on this new job.

SteamEn83954980: Ok so ignoring Emily, it was a perfect 1-7 number of characters and now it's just 1, 18, 22, 4, 5, 6 and 12. Like I know it's minor but that fact gets under my skin.

DBlue02: I voted for the bouncing, but yeah, I kinda have to agree with Simon Martin’s opinion on the Steam Team concept, it’s long since overstayed its welcome. I’d prefer a nice balance of the main and side characters getting their share of the spotlight, like in the classic seasons.

TFan512: What if Edward, Henry, Nia and Rebecca were all part of the main cast.