#and if i hadnt made it would we have been friends?? idk!!!!

[grgie]

found out one of my beloved mutuals has one of our shared interests purely because they saw a post i made about it years before we even spoke. one found dead on the scene, more details to follow

[thewickerking]

had a dream I had a boyfriend and he wanted to come to a therapy session to talk abt smn unrelated to our relationship (this was 100% cool with me) but my therapist instantly hated him and she was like "justify to me why you're here 🤨🤨🤨 name something u like abt ridley and then maybe ill let u talk" like what 😭😭 it was just me being a mediator bc they were arguing. Which is insane it was like couples therapy but evil

[ooo-yeah-baby]

Arranged

Yandere Gilbert Blythe x reader

I only write sfw, feel free to make requests. Forced relationship. Kinda Yan if you squinting idk.

"Gilbert Blythe." You could taste the sourness of his name on your tongue as you spit it out. 

"Y/N L/N." He mocked. His usual smirk plastered his face. 

He was one of the top kids in your class at school and one of the most popular boys. Your friends, Ruby and Anne, were obsessed with him. Ruby was more open about it than Anne, but Anne's feelings were obvious.  

If it weren't for them you might have caught something for him too. Of course it'd be difficult to feel anything but guilt if you were to. That doesn't mean you avoided him though. You often talked and joked with him. You weren't best buds but you weren't strangers(it'd be next to impossible to be in a town like Avonlea).

Besides, you were sure your parents would find a partner for you. Your parents have always wanted you to focus on your studies so they had always reassured you that they'd handle your marriage. You didn't mind it that much. You don't think they'll choose someone small minded, or far away, and you know they wouldn't choose someone who'd interfere with you going to college and living your life the way you want to. 

But this bothered you. This made your stomach turn. 

There he was. Standing on your front porch, with a bouquet of random flowers. 

"Oh, Y/N, let the boy in!" Your mother chattered. She pushed you to the side and opened the door wider for him. "Welcome, Gilbert." She chirped. 

"Thank you, Mrs. L/N." Gilbert stepped inside of your home. He removed his coat and hat and started towards you. "These are for you, Y/N." He handed you the flowers. You could see your mother's glare from behind Gilbert's curly head, urging you to be polite. 

"Thank you, Gilbert." You accepted the flowers and moved to the kitchen to find something to put them in, rolling your eyes when you turn away from him. 

When you came back your mother, father, older brother, and Gilbert were all sitting in the foyer. 

"Y/N, stop standing around." Your mother smiled slyly. "Have a seat next to Gilbert." You looked over to the seat next to Gilbert. There were open seats next to both your mother, and brother. She was clearly up to something. 

Of course it'd be rude to not take the seat after being told to do so, so you sat down next to him. 

As you were fixing your dress to free it of small wrinkles in the skirt your father cleared his throat. 

"Ahem, uh-" he awkwardly sat up. "We have something to tell you." He had a weird but proud smile on his face as he looked at your mother, brother, and then finally, you. His hand gestures over to Gilbert. "Would you like to tell her, Gilbert?" He asked. 

Gilbert's face became flushed. He laughed shyly. He looked down at his hands in his lap then turned to you. 

"Well, Y/N." He grabbed your hands, his thumb rubbing the back of your right hand gently. "Recently, I had asked your parents for your hand in marriage." 

Gilbert was looking in your eyes but yours had gone blank. You were puzzled. Perplexed. You knew your parents were looking for someone, and you knew Gilbert would get an automatic yes from them, but why was Gilbert asking you? Why not Ruby? Or Anne? Or literally anyone else. You couldn't marry him. That'd only be a betrayal against your friends. You had only thought that your mother invited him so he might consider you, but you didn't imagine he would. 

You realized you had been silent for too long when Gilbert was waving his hand in front of your face. Before you could properly think you blurted out;

"No!" Slapping his hand out of your face. Gilbert pulled his hand to his chest. You hadnt hurt him but it was a surprise. You turn to your mother. "You didn't tell him I would marry him, did you?" 

Your mother was shocked, mouth agape and all. 

"Well, of course we did." Your father said, still wide eyed from your reaction. 

You could see your brother trying to hold back his laughter. 

"Oh bite your tongue." Your mother spouted at him. 

Without saying anything, you rose from your seat and began walking up to your room. Closing the door behind you, and falling to the ground. 

You can hear your family in the living room. 

"She's just being dramatic, Gilbert." You heard your brother reassure him. 

"We're terribly sorry Gilbert." Your mother continued after. 

"It's no problem." Gilbert said. "We can try again another day." 

"Yes, I'm sure she'll come around." Your dad chimed in. 

Clearly, they had not gotten the hint that you were unhappy with this situation. Each of them took turns throughout the night knocking on your door and trying to get even an ounce of a reaction. Each try was futile. 

The next day you remained silent. You didn't even eat breakfast. You just walked past your family and out the door. 

When you got to school the message board was surrounded. Diana ran to you as you got to the door. 

"Hello, Diana." You said, exasperatedly. 

"Y/N. What's this about? Are you really marrying Gilbert?" She said. She seemed more concerned than upset. She'd support you no matter what but that doesn't mean she could hold back Ruby or Anne from reacting poorly. Luckily they hadn't gotten to school yet. 

"What?" You dropped your books and ran to the message board. 

After pushing past a group of people you reached the board. There it was. The only note on the board. 

"Gilbert and Y/N are engaged to be married." 

You were fuming! You knew exactly who did this. You tore the note from the board and pushed back out of the group of people as you stormed inside. 

"I'm not marrying you!" You threw the crumpled up note at the back of Gilbert's head. The class members inside turned and watched. 

Gilbert's hands shot up in defense as he turned to face you. 

"Who said I wrote the note?" He smirked. Your face turned red with fury.

"You are so smug and inconsiderate!" You scoffed. 

"And you're beautiful when you're angry." Gilbert nodded at you teasingly.

You couldn't even think of a response besides storming away. The rest of class you could feel Gilbert's eyes shooting at you, along with every other girls, besides Rubys, who still had zero idea of the event that occurred before she got to school.

You were thankful that everyone, including Billy and Josie Pye, were quiet about the incident during lunch. You were also thankful to have a peaceful, Gilbert free lunch in the girls corner. 

But of course your peace could not last forever. 

You had hoped to stick close to Diana and Anne on their walks home but the second Gilbert came up it was like they handed you to him on a silver platter. Anne letting him take you was the most confusing part. 

Gilbert made it painfully obvious that he wanted you to hook arms with him as you walked, making a small triangle that stuck out of his side with his arm. Of course you ignored it and stormed ahead. 

"Would you slow down?" Gilbert piped, chasing after you like a lost puppy. 

"Why should I? You've got long legs. You should certainly be able to keep up." You tried to pick up your pace but honestly it was getting tiring and you could feel your own breath getting ragged.

Gilbert's hand reached up and caught yours, clasping his fingers around yours, stopping you in your tracks. 

"Because chasing you makes me seem like some kind of monster and walking together is far more enjoyable." He pulled your hand up and kissed your knuckles. 

"Perhaps it's enjoyable for you, Mr. Blythe, but currently, I do see you as a monster." You pulled your hand from his face but did not break free from the hand hold.

"And what makes me a monster?" He began walking again, at a very slow pace as you followed alongside him. 

"This whole marriage business for one;" You began. "I didn't think you were the type to force a girl to marry you, Mr. Blythe." 

"Would you have said yes if I had asked?" He was nervous for your answer. His jaw clenched and his left brow quirked up.

"No, but I am not saying yes now either." Gilbert looked a little disappointed but shook it off before you could notice. "I think I've made it clear that I don't wish to marry you, Mr. Blythe." 

"You know when we get married you won't be able to call me Mr. Blythe anymore, right?" He teased, trying to change the topic. You just gave him a sour look and no reply. Gilbert cleared his throat then tried again. "I was thinking we could have the ceremony in spring. Would you like that?" 

"Hypothetically, I'd prefer an early fall wedding." You replied, half heartedly. 

"Then that's what we'll have. A nice, fall wedding." Gilbert gently squeezed your hand and stepped closer. 

As the weeks passed you slowly noticed changes in your friends, especially Ruby. Her already dwindling gaze towards Gilbert had shifted in full throttle towards Moody and she repeatedly made small hints at giving you her blessing with the engagement. You tried to tell her that there was nothing between you and Gilbert but she just kept giving you little thumbs up as you would leave with him each day. 

Anne also began acting strangely. Despite your persistent denial she insisted that she supported you. 

It was like all of Avonlea was on Gilbert's side; rooting for him; rooting against you. 

Sure, the guilt would be gone now, seeing as your friends no longer hold feelings for him, but now there was a whole new reason. 

You didn't have a choice. You couldn't oppose the marriage and you couldn't consent. Gilbert was nice but he wasn't nice enough to break off the engagement.

After a while of begging you got an idea. It was a horrible and inconvenient idea. Even the thought of it made you feel like a vixen. But it had to be done. The engagement had been finalized and this was the only way to break it off. 

Your plan wasn't that hard to come up with either. Tell the girls you have feelings for one of the other boys, don't say who, and ruin your own reputation. If you were known to be someone who wishes to be with other while already "taken" then there would be no reason to continue with the marriage. 

Then, during college, once everything blows over and you're free again, you can find someone you truly love. 

When lunch came around you made your grand confession and all of the girls looked at you as if you had just told them the most shocking news ever. By the end of the day most of the girls had told their parents, friends, siblings, etc. 

By the time word had gotten back to Gilbert he was bewildered and, though he would hate to admit it, angry. 

You felt proud walking out of your house the next morning after having been chewed out by your whole family. 

"Now it'll be impossible to find a good Avonlea boy for you."

"You really screwed that one up." 

"Why won't you just accept Gilbert?" 

If gossip was good somewhere, it was Avonlea. 

You felt proud, that is, until you made it down the steps of your porch, seeing Gilbert smelling the flowers that lined the railing. When we noticed you he stood up and snaked his arm around yours. 

"Good morning dear." He's greeted as he started walking. 

"Good morning Mr. Blythe." Why was he here. He should be at school for his morning classes or anywhere but in front of your home. 

"Gilbert." He said. "It's been a while since you called me Gilbert." 

You rolled your eyes at that, although you were still quite nervous. 

"Gilbert, why are you here so early?" You asked. 

"I have no plans of canceling the engagement." This stopped you in your tracks, stopping Gilbert along with you.

"Why not?" 

"I know you made it up." His free hand went to your face, cupping your cheek. "I love you Y/N. I don't care how many people tell me to cancel it. I need you." 

This wouldve been a sweet confession if it all hadn't been forced upon you. Instead, it felt like you had only dug yourself further into the ground. Of course Gilbert would know you lied, he's the smartest in the class, and of course he wouldn't care what others thought of you, that's how he is. 

You felt stupid. 

Stupid and trapped. 

[roseworth]

Any thoughts on Bart and Rose?

MANY

they make me so goddamn emotional. first of all bart being genuinely interested in being friends with her in a period of her life where she felt like no one really wanted her around.. like the titans kinda had to look after her and the older titans saw her as an unstable child that had to be taken care of (which is correct. but she didnt like that). but BART just looked at her and thought she was cool and wanted to hang out with her <3

and him saying "its not like that" is sooo sweet bc he really just wanted to be friends with her 😭 ge*ff made their relationship sorta romantic but its so sweet that he saw her and said "idk how i feel about her but i just know i want to hang out with her <3"

also my fav thing ever is that he sees her screaming at donna and crying and goes "this is the perfect time to make my move 😎" its so fucking funny because then the NEXT time he sees her he does the exact same thing. she watched her foster parents get murdered in front of her and bart goes "hey rose! its me your friend!" ily bart. but he just keeps running into her at the absolute lowest points in her life and trying to be friends. like baby shes about to kill herself this is not the time to hang out...

and then. GOD. HELLO. tt03 #12 makes me lose my fucking mind btw

sobbing because hes the ONLY PERSON that ever reached out to her during this era. hes the only person that recognized there was something wrong and tried to help her. he knew her!!! he thought she was lying to slade because he couldnt believe she would do that. GOD.

it drives me insane that so many people who shouldve done something to help her just. didnt. but i understand that sometimes the story has to happen and they couldnt do it. thats FINE its FINE

ooouuuuggaaagahguhhohuguhhoyhuguhhughggaghahhguhhuogouhghhggagghhguhuahgguhhohooouuauauhghggaagahhuhguhooouguhaggahghgh. im fine.

"rose was there. trying not to be like her dad. trying to be something else." ACK. OUCH. ok im fine.

then. titans of tomorrow 🤮

scraps of what could've been....... i assume geoff had an arc in mind where the titans take rose back (they were at least kinda hinting at it in some of the stories) and i so badly want to know what would've happened. i like the renegade arc but i wish we got a story with the titans taking her back :((( i dont trust jeff geohns with anything but... in my imagination it would've been a great story with bart coming to get her and convincing her to leave her dad

and im still refusing to acknowledge the rest of the titans of tomorrow arc because that story is so goddamn stupid and boring. but theyre married or something in it idk

BUT. BUT BUT BUT. heres where i get insane

because ouuughhhh they could be besties but they just. keep missing each other. right person wrong time but platonically because oughhhh they first met when rose's life was just completely destroyed. then they meet again when rose's life was destroyed AGAIN. then!!!!!!!! when rose meets the team its right after bart leaves and later dies

throwing up and crying bc after rose dies we get so much of rose's favorite trauma response of suppressing it and pretending she doesnt care then trying to fuck someone

someone that she considered a friend but hadnt been able to talk to in years dies and she says "LOL that funeral is so boring! haha bart meant nothing to me. im fine. stop talking about feelings and lets skinny dip right now. bart who" go off queen <3 she does not want to let herself feel any emotion so she represses it as hard as she can forever

(btw. i have complicated feelings about this bc as much as its in character for her to repress all her feelings with sexualizing herself,,,, ew. idk if this is johns or mckeever but its one of their faults and i know it because despite defining all the important aspects of her character theyre both so gross about her sometimes. men 👎 but thats a completely different rant)

ARRHCHHGGHFAHN.... THEN. titans of tomorrow (🤮) again

bart spent this entire story saying she was awful and trying to murder her (they divorced i guess. stupid ass storyline i dont care) shes still sad to lose him again. this is literally the only time she lets herself mourn him and its right after hes been trying to kill her. there is so much wrong with her <3 <3 <3

also as i was looking for that panel i saw this one and i think its so silly:

thats my girl!!! take no responsibility for anything ever and always find someone else to blame for your actions 💞 and bonus points for hating men !

anyways. then later the krul run happens and theyre both vaguely out of character but they FINALLY get to be friends again!!!!!! theyre buddies!!!!!!!!!!!! theyre hanging out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

besties bullying a 12 year old together <3

also one of my favs because i know its supposed to be "haha barts being creepy to her XD isnt that so funny" but inside my head this moment is just bart getting so excited about being on a team with rose again that he refuses to let her miss any of the action. he grabs her hand and gets her into her costume and doesnt think anything of it because hes just so happy that he gets to hang out with his buddy <3 that wasnt the writers intention. but it is to me

if youre willing to exaggerate. they r so besties here. they are taking every opportunity to hang out because they finally get to be buddies :') we still get to see bart just genuinely liking her and once again he just thinks shes cool and wants to hang out with her <3333 theyre so much fun

and i cant keep looking for screenshots because reading the end of this book bums me out since the new52 happened and they couldnt finish any of the arcs they had planned. lili worth i miss you every day

anyways yeah to answer your question. i love bart & rose 👍 the way hes one of the only people that just. likes her. hes the first person (ish) that reaches out to her after her mom died when she was at a very low point in her life and he continues to just enjoy her company and like her as a person which doesnt happen a lot <///3 there are so few people that like her and want to spend time with her and just genuinely think shes a good person but bart always does!!!!! barring t*tans *f t*morrow bart always likes her and always thinks highly of her when no ones else does 💞💞💞 theyre so sweet and i want them to interact again

[castawavy]

November Save MEGA summary (part 8)

before / next

here it is... the penultimate chapter of november save, its been a long journey guys and im glad you all joined me on it. this was definetly my fave family and one that was really important to me because I made steve and june during a time in my life where things were very uncertain & I was going through a lot of changes, so they were pretty much my one contsant for awhile, anyways here are the photos!

so steve and june are still on their little fitness journey together, its a thing that steve has always been into but june wanted to join him cuz she got super into yoga

then as usual they couldnt keep it in their pants

june also got promoted to judge finally, she basically switched career branches after she left Landgraab Industries, but I didnt have any pics of her leaving... but now she works at the local court, and doesnt have to commute to the city anymore which she prefers

then it was Winterfest 🎁 and I decked the halls

lucky elijah got gifted a telescope but I don't remember what we got adelaide

adelaide spent new years with her childhood friend peter (luke's step son) in san myshuno I think she graduated from highschool by now but again, ive lost the photos from her prom... idk what happened to those

the bheeda girls were there too of course, theyre kind of like cousins to adie since shes very close with them even though theyre not even related AHAHAHA

she also met a mysterious stranger named jolene who she later kissed at a house party, she kind of stopped seeing landon because the two of them would always fight, and I think she just had enough

steve and moose cuteness

and a makeover for elijah in prepartion for his YA life stage (he sometimes wears contact lenses now)

THEN a major event in steve's life, but he spoke with june and she persuaded him to finally reconnect with his younger sister, Claire, who he has kind of been no contact with since he was a teenager (mostly because he cut off contact with his parents)

later in spring, the weather started to get nice, so steve and june threw a BBQ / get together with all their friends in the yard

sita and elijah also reconnected as they hadnt really seen eachother since they were toddlers and sita quite liked him :eyes:

then when everyone was gone, steve & june enjoyed some quality time together in the new pool...

meanwhile elijah and sita got cozy and 'watched' a movie teehee

ALSO big news from Raj FINALLY he couldnt make it to the BBQ cuz he and julia just had TWINS

adelaide also worked her final shift at the country club and she and her coworkers played some foosball behind their manager's back

before / next

[orlamccools]

ok i need brutal honesty pls read and respond to the following poll:

so basically. met this dude at work in 2022, thought he was super hot right off the bat and i felt like there were maybe ~vibes~ there too but nothing ever came of it. early 2023 he starts dating one of my coworkers, and even though they have a decent relationship they break up in october, mainly bc of her schedule. break up is completely amicable, she has no ill will towards him and is cool with other people talking/being friends with him.

around december i organize the stores secret santa, and i invite him and another driver to join the group (after making sure it was cool w everyone else who was participating). since then, the group chat the three of us have has been consistently active, and i talk to both of them fairly often, both thru text and in person. new years eve i go and get drinks w the two of them to celebrate the holiday, and into the new year we still talk all of the time.

now. starting january the person in question starts razzing me a little more, calling me a "silly goose" and just taking time to make more jokes with me. he also like stresses that if school doesnt work out, that i should come work with him at the company they are employed with/that im connected to via my job, and saying things like he would want me to be his helper next holiday season. during this time, he also tells his ex/my friend that he has a master plan to get me to drop out of school and like go travel the country and become like tour groupies for taylor/the bands he likes ??? i did not hear the conversation, and thats the jist of what my friend told me

prior to the release of ttpd, he asks me if i was gonna do a 30 day countdown of my top 30 taylor songs (which i hadnt been planning). bc of his suggestion, i spend the next 30 days curating my fave songs, and he interacts w those texts and asks abt the songs and what have you.

fastforward to the 18th of april: i reveal my favorite song and he responds with "thats 2 hrs and 10 minutes". i ask him to clarify, and he sends a playlist he made of all of the songs i recommended, so he can listen to them whenever. he also keeps suggesting that we (the group chat) go out to celebrate the end of the semester (which we probably will i just need to get thru next week before i commit to anything).

i still think this man is hot as hell, and i feel like there might be mutual vibes flowing between us again. with all of that: do we think theres a possibility he is interested in me in a romantic sense? or am i being delusion and reading too much into something thats platonic??????

[my-castles-crumbling]

hiya cas! i hope youre well 😊

so, i have some medical issues (nothing serious!! probably - im still waiting for a proper diagnosis but ive had a few appointments and tests etc and have been assured its nothing to be concerned about) and so i obviously have to go to hospital appointments sometimes for the aforementioned tests and discussions. it was scary at first (i hadnt been in a hospital since the day i was born up until this point, and i was 18 when i had my first of these appointments) but its easier now, but im still a little stressed

im not technically estranged from my family - i still live at home with both parents, and we're on decent enough terms - but we dont really have any sort of important conversations. or any personal conversations either. so i guess we're just not really close? idk. anyway, this has meant i have absolutely no idea what any of my family medical history is. i had to find out through my older sister that my father was diagnosed with diabetes four years ago (and she only found out because she worked at the pharmacy where he got his stuff from), and my eldest brother was the one who told me my grandparents' causes of death (they died before my birth and my parents never mention them), but they dont know any more than that either

this hasnt been an issue for me before, because obviously ive never needed to know. ive never been asked about it, but now that my own health isnt right, i kinda need to know. in my first appointment i got asked about it, but i told the doctor i didnt know and would ask at home

i did ask, to be fair. i spoke to my mother and explained why i needed to know but she just kind of... brushed it off? idk if thats the right way to phrase it. she said there was some vague thing about heart issues but she didnt say anything specifically, or which side of the family it came from, or anything all thay helpful at all

its so frustrating because im not the first of their kids to need this information. my sister has medical problems too (different issues than mine though) and our parents were no help with her either

i spoke to a friend about it last autumn when i first went to hospital and he looked at me so oddly, it made me feel so broken, i guess. apparently discussing medical history isnt a taboo subject in most households, because he knew all of his and he's never been to hospital for anything. but the way he looked at me like i was weird or something for not knowing was awful. again, it made me feel genuinely broken and damaged. it was kind of one of those moments where you realise 'oh, my family isnt normal' and it sucked, because i thought id had that realisation years ago

its happened with some other stuff too (i.e. telling parents about a relationship, friends, interests, spending time with family etc) and it just... it really sucks. i dont know what else there is to say than that ig lol

i was going somewhere with this ask, but ive kinda gotten off track and now i cant remember, soooo.... have a good day! thanks for reading my ramble 🥰

Hi hon!

I’m so sorry, whose moments of realization suck, truly. Please know that you did nothing wrong <3 

Because this is a health thing, I do have some advice for you (ignore me if you want!) There are forms on the internet that have questions about family history. Print one out and just give it to your mom and dad. Don’t give them room to question it. Say your doctor needs it, and you need them to fill it out.

I wonder, though, if your parents don’t share their history with you, they might not know their parents history. A lot of times, these kinds of things that happen in families are passed down. 

But yeah. Just give them a form and make it a health thing. You deserve that info. 

Again, please know that you are NOT broken, and it has nothing to do with you <3

(naming you medical anon)

[haemosexuality]

i blocked her so i can talk about this here now. in 2022 i became friends w someone from here and at least to me we were really good friends since tho there was some personality differences that kept chafing. also ive been really depressed especially this past year or so and i was not my best self i was not as reliable of a friend as i shouldve been. that made it worst. i (not on purpose) made her really upset over a thing (theres a lot of context to explain and i dont wanna type all of that rn) and didnt immediately acknowledge it bc i was busy (out with family all day) and then she ghosted me. we were friends for almost 2 years and she just ghosted me. and i dont, want to diminish her feelings in any way but from my pov i dont think it was that bad? that it warranted that? its been two months so i sent her a text saying i wish her well and then blocked her on whatsapp and on here. because i dont really want to hear what she has to say at this point (because she ghosted me for two months and i had no indication that would change). but im still sad. im really sad. ive been trying to not think about it because i dont want to break too hard but, man. she was my best friend for almost two years, we had kind of concrete plans to meet this year when/if i go to the us, i really cared about her even if i was horrible at showing it. another friend of mine is of the opinion that i wasnt in the wrong and am better off without her but i dont think so. i feel really bad. i hope shes doing ok. half of me thinks i deserve better than someone that ghosts me the other half thinks its exactly what i deserve for being such a dick friend and idk which to listen to. i dont want to hear anything she has to say but i also wish shed just say anything at all, even if she just cursed me off and blocked me

a lot of the stuff outside of my control that kept causing problem in our friendship was resolved like, in the first two weeks of her ghosting me. if theyd been resolved just a week earlier we probably would still be talking. i dont feel like i deserve any of it. not the meds, not the laptop, nothing. i know i was in a really bad depressive episode, i know how depression works but couldnt i have tried harder? and even outside of that, i cant just use depression to excuse my lack of communicating and all the promises i wasnt keeping, nothing was stopping me from being more honest except my own guilt. she didnt deserve that. its kind of devastating to have a friendship end so suddenly like this. i really really miss her. i havent blocked her on discord in case she does want to reach out even tho i know blocking her on whatsapp (the main place we talked) sends a big "never speak to me again" message. im good at repressing emotions but whenever i think about it too much i want to tear my organs out

i didnt even consider the idea of being angry or upset at her until over a month has passed. i was venting to another friend and she said that ghosting me was a shitty thing to do and the way she treated me before wasn't ok. i genuinely hadnt felt anything other than "im such a horrible person and a fuck up, i hope she can forgive me but i understand if she cant'' at that point and idk if it was just lack of self respect or if i really was super in the wrong and my other friend just couldnt grasp that from my pov of things. i dont know. i have more to say but talking about this very in depth for pretty much the first time is making me want to throw up so im going to stop writing

[collectorcookie]

It wasnt with any instance in mind specifically but i have seen some great mhyk cisbends actually. And i love the idea of fem arthur! I hadnt considered faust or heathcliffe but im on board now! I saw a tweet once that said mithra should grow boobs in tiletta's honor and i support that... i suppose the post was made with enstars in mind cuz ive been thinking about cis girl izumi lately (he's nonbinary to me in canon but i think his rship with his mom in portrait wouldve been sooo interesting with the added layer of daughters turning into their mothers... im also fond of hetbending loiz but for it to be no different whatsoever from their canon rship. But i also think iz-mk-lo would be interesting had they All been girls...)

But i also think transgenderism in wizard world would be interesting to explore, not just imagining what if they had been cis girls. I wonder if trans humans resent wizards for having the ability to transform themselves... or if, like with curseworkers or doctors, there are wizards who specialize in giving humans hrt potions and surgeries. In a world where murr was into medicine he wouldve brought hrt to humans so they wouldnt have to rely on wizards...

mithra SHOULD have boobs in tiletta's honor tbh. In my mind, cisbent mithra would go from wearing no bras because she dgaf to wearing pushup bras as a way to carry on tiletta's legacy.

Also NONBINARY IZUMI TRUTHER, I SHAKE YOUR HANDS

Izumakoleo as all girls...omg your mind....we could have the best yuri how did no one else think of this. As expected of the president o7 i salute

And now onto wizard genders: we do know of a few wizards with funky gender in canon. They can use magic to shapeshift after all. Here are a few i can think of at the top of my head. Spoilers for ms2 for everyone else but i'm sure you don't mind lol

Figaro mentions having a friend that is born a wizard, shapeshifted into a witch and stayed like that, even ended up carrying a baby to term and giving birth

There's a western witch who presents exclusively as a wizard in front of humans in ms2. I never even thought about how human-wizard dynamics might affect genderfluidity but that sure is interesting

Rustica has been a transguy to me since reading ms2. Idk if i am the only one interpreting it as that but i swear there's a part i read as him having been a western princess. Because of that i like to imagine/headcanon chloe is also a trans guy and kept the feminine name rustica style.

Figaro, man. Figgy is just. SO painfully transfem like omggggg. Besides being so Eldest Daughter™️ coded in northfam, the ridiculous amount of times he's been like "btw if anyone wants to see me as a beautiful woman pls let me know" girl do YOU want to be a beautiful woman??? It's definitely in character for fifi to be a certain way and then try as hard as possible to hide it, perhaps even lying to oneself about one's true nature.

[imperpetuallylost]

happy birthday, i’m sorry your day wasn’t the best! if you wanna talk about it, i’m always here for you! and if you’d prefer not to, here’s some love <3333

i think my form of talking abt it will just be complaining so heres a list of shit that happened today <3 thank you ily

my car wouldnt start

jumped it and eventually it started

we hadnt really shoveled enough so i couldnt get out of the driveway

i ended up having to get a ride to school and barely made it on time

like half my friends forgot it was my bday until reminded by someone else (i mean thats kinda whatever)

my laptop broke (ended up getting fixed by it but still a pain)

someone threw up in my chem class

also i broke a test tube in chem

somehow like half my class had lost their sense of smell and never got it back after having covid so i was like the only one that sat there the whole class nauseous from having to smell it even after they cleaned it up

were all gonna die if theres a gas leak bc no one will notice bc no one can smell shit

multiple classes sang at me bc yk ur friends always tell everyone but its always kinda miserable

my mom like filled my brothers car w balloons and wrote all over it for his 18th bday and did like nothing for me

to be fair i didnt have my car at school today but still she wasnt going to

also to be fair its bc my brother told her not to bc he hated it and i kinda wouldve hated it too but i also hated feeling like he got that and no one cared enough to do smthn for me

bought my first scratch ticket and didnt become a millionaire

won zero dollars

that one's not shocking at all

had to recompose myself after crying abt being a horrible ungrateful person bc i forgot to feed my dog so then i had to go downstairs and see my parents again when i had just been crying

one of like my two best friends has not wished me a happy birthday she has 24 more minutes and yes i am actively crying about that

she sucks at staying in touch sometimes even tho we still go to school together so im really worried abt staying in touvh w her next year :(

thats it ig like idk like no individual thing was that bad but today just felt like an onslaught

so far being an adult is like 2/10 would not recommend

[away-ward]

this michaelrika kaibanks just ruined everything for me. especially considering banks is my favorite character and i only continued with the series so i could get crumbs of her(which didn happen thanks to pd always favouring rika and thrusting her into situations where she is not needed). honestly, that bonus scene does not sound like banks AT ALL. her worrying about how her how "family" doesnt love her enough after 10 damn years made me want to break something especially since pd made it out like they all adore and love Rika while making banks feel like she was not part of the inner circle. moreover if emory would have become good friends with any one in that weird-ass grp it would have been with banks but NO pd has to make it all about rika..in a bonus scene... about Banks. idk why no one is talking abt that. and this is so against the found family theme pd set up in the books.

kai kai kai what do i even say abt this guy. past kai was such a gem. like i will fight anyone who says otherwise. him and banks were SO DAMN CUTE but the present one.. not so much. in the bonus scene banks asks rika did she go around walking knowing that she could have had kai again and again if banks didnt come into the picture. i think kai WOULD HAVE had rika again if he hadnt found banks and i cant just ignore it no matter how much i try. also why is kai ALWAYS going "rika this rika that" even after he found banks. ik everything and every character in the dn universe is about rika coz pd created them but it is just disturbing kai is like this even though he knows that makes banks uncomfortable.

i was so excited when pd said she was gonna write a bonus scene for dn but MY GOD I WISH I DIDNT READ WHATEVER THE HELL THAT WAS IN HER FACEBOOK. and to think this might be the last kai banks scene we ever get... makes me wanna cry. they deserve so much more. there might be more bonus scenes in that universe but it sure as hell wont be abt kaibanks knowing pd (i mean she did them dirty in their own book making the main focus damon and rika)

ohhh i almost forget about the conclave scene where kai knows about rikas situation before michael. i mean wtf is this even. and when banks get upset rika had the audacity to feel betrayed. after everything kai said to banks in hideaway abt how she is the one he looks for every morning, this scene in conclave just ruined that closure. AND we didnt get to see kai and banks talk about it. of course we didnt because they are just side characters in this series right.

in my opinion, pd should rewrite the bonus and quit making Kai so 'rika-centric' and actually concentrate on how HIS OWN wife feels.

ik this is a lot kai banks but this is years of pent-up frustration over how my best girl and kai were done dirty.

and i feel like i would have liked rika so much more if pd didnt shove her down our throats like that throughout the series

pt 2 of the ask:

by the same person who wrote the kai banks rant will you ever write a fanfic on kai banks coz i have searched the internet and i couldn't find one story abt them. which is really sad since they are the only other couple who made sense apart from will and emmy. and abt my previous rant kai ONLY belongs with banks and we all know it. i mean they belong with each other no one can say otherwise. kai might have been attracted to rika but he will choose banks no matter what so that is why it is frustrating when he is made out to be like he cares abt rika as more than just a friend and more than he should.  what is your thoughts on all this

Honestly, I think you hit the nail on the head why this doesn’t sit right with a lot of us.

One, the time period. I could possibly buy this if it were set within the original series. Maybe before NF or very soon after. But ten years later makes Banks seem very insecure and childish. She’s just been living for ten years thinking that her husband is secretly lusting over what is perceivable her best friend. Or at least her closest female friendship. That doesn’t feel like Banks to me. My understanding of Banks character is that she would have addressed any issue much sooner.

And two, this was supposed to be about Banks. But what we have is Banks making Rika feel better. First, confronting her over the young girl and reminding Rika that she has nothing to feel shamed over. Then, realizing how Rika feels, confirming those feelings. And in a way, Banks realizing that her feelings around Rika were not insecurities but were in fact attraction, is about Banks. But it’s still really about how amazing Rika is, and everyone agrees.

No one is immune to Rika Fane is the point of the scene. But it's the same message we've been getting since Corrupt.

It’s frustrating because it doesn’t give found/chosen family vibes. It’s all about Rika.

And now I feel like this about her:

kai kai kai what do i even say abt this guy. past kai was such a gem. like i will fight anyone who says otherwise.

Okay, okay. I’ll keep my fighting words to myself...

But anyway, Kai alone frustrates me (which is super disappointing because from other’s POVs, he’s delightful and interesting). Banks makes him better. I love the two of them together. The fact that he’s given any room for Banks to develop feelings of doubt about him and Rika is so odd. There’s no argument for it.

the conclave scene where kai knows about rikas situation before michael. i mean wtf is this even. and when banks get upset rika had the audacity to feel betrayed.

See, Rika confiding in Kai didn’t bother me, because it made sense to me that she’d confide in him. At this point, Kai is one of her closest friends and I (maybe erroneously) thought of Kai as the most reasonable and comforting of the group, which is something Rika needed. It’s the jealousy and the doubt about their relationship that comes after that ruined it for me. Either Rika and Kai can be friends and nothing else, or they can’t. And PD is really pushing this “they can’t” idea with every update and bonus they post. Which is so weird.

Do you think we could challenge PD to write a couple-centric scene where none of the other couples show up, if only for us to get quality couple content?

ik this is a lot kai banks but this is years of pent-up frustration over how  my best girl and kai were done dirty.

Hey, I get it. I’m here for some kaibanks conversation. As much as Kai in the series frustrates me, Kaibanks in my head sit in the same boat as Willemmy, which is that they are cute and deserve better.

And didn’t feel like didn’t would have liked rika so much more if pd didn’t shove her down our throats like that throughout the series

Very true.

will you ever write a fanfic on kai banks coz i have searched the internet and i couldn't find one story abt them. which is really sad since they are the only other couple who made sense apart from will and emmy.

It's not that I don’t want to, but I haven’t been able to wrap my head around Kai and Banks as characters. This scene helped with Banks a little, but now Kai is harder to understand. I know there were some oneshots over on Wattpad if you have access. If I were to ever break from Willemmy, Kaibanks would probably be the next one I'm inclinded towards, though. Sorry I can’t promise anything.

kai ONLY belongs with banks and we all know it. i mean they belong with each other no one can say otherwise. kai might have been attracted to rika but he will choose banks no matter what so that is why it is frustrating when he is made out to be like he cares abt rika as more than just a friend and more than he should. 

I completely agree. I think with the way the family is set up, there would be nothing wrong with Kai thinking Rika or any of the other girls are attractive, but it should be clear that he doesn’t have the same bond/connection/relationship to them as he does with Banks. I still think back to Michael openly declaring that Rika was everything to him, and it’s strange that none of the other guys have similar moments where they remove any doubt that they want no one else.

Like, I don’t think Michael wants Banks. Or Winter. Or Em. He wants Rika and Rika’s happiness. He might think Banks is hot, but that’s probably as far as it goes.

That’s Banks. Kai’s wife, Damon’s sister. Pain in his neck.

If somebody gave Kai an ounce of that energy towards Rika, we’d have a completely different vibe.

I'm not sure what can be done to protect our sanity. I, for one, usually hate to ignore canon, but sometimes it's just... not worth acknowledging in favor of your own HC.

That might be the case here.

Let me know your kaibanks HC if you're up for it. Anyway, have a great day. Hope you forget all about the bonus scene soon!

-KO

[sootends]

you are me in different circumstances and i am you.

rememember when we were diagnosed with stage III laryngeal cancer on our 21st birthday? everyone was shocked, including us. ppl dont develope layrngeal cancer unless they are 65+ and have been smoking multiple packs a day for decades. they still dont know how we got it.

i wish you couldve seen us- it was bad- 114 pounds, our hair falling out, unable to eat or drink, barely able to sit up without needing to lay down- they hospitalized us immediately haha. idk if you remember, but we were in so much throat pain we hadnt been able to eat properly in quite sometime. The tumor on our layrnx had grown so large that swallowing ANYTHING (yes even spit and water) had become a monumentally painful task. all the doctors agreed the best course of action was to shave down the tumor (they couldnt just remove it without destroying our voicebox) and place a feeding tube thru the skin and muscle directly into the stomach.

do you recognize that description?

they placed the tube directly above our naval, and now it appears as if we have 2 bellybuttons.

3 doses of chemo (cisplatin) and 3 months of radiation. mama came back from philly to be with us. we couldnt afford to live anywhere so our friend carol (65 year old japanese woman and her son, seymon) let us live in her basement while we were being treated.

its so strange to think we were homeless while we had cancer. its strange to think that counts. i met a woman on the street who had cancer, every hospital refused to treat her because she was homeless and had no where to stay. they called her a liability.

we spent 3 months in carols basement. 3 months in our tiny pink room, beneath the earth. we felt undead- we watched as our cheeks and eyes sunk into our skull. we watched our hair thin, but not fall out. this chemo didnt make your hair fall out, and idk about you but something in me almost wished it did. even sleep was affected; we never watched to touch the tube, so we folded our hands across our chest and slept like a corpse every night. we didnt eat or drink anything with our mouth for 3 months.

the formula was made by nestle. you know, the chocolate child-slavery company. apparently nestle got its start in formulas before ever touching confectionairy. in order to eat, now i know you remember this, we had this comically huge syringe- i mean the damn thing looked straight out of a cartoon- and we would pour out the formula into a container and slurp it up into the syringe.

our feeding tube didnt look exactly like this, but its close enough. you see the part that says Y-adapter? once the syringe was full wed pop off the plug, open the clamp, and pour formula directly into our stomach.

yum.

we couldnt taste it but the aroma would waft up from our gut into our throat sometimes. it tasted like cardboard (and was quite sticky to the touch). do you remember how it felt every time it hit our stomach? this was also the only way we could drink water, being thirsty and hungry became a whole new sensation.

we began to miss chewing so much we found this website that sold chewy stim toys for autistic kids and adults. it was a littlw blue robot, its hanging on our wall now. couldnt bare to get rid of it.

it was also the height of the covid lockdown. very lonely time to have cancer, we fought constantly. fighting fighting fighting- cancer, ourselves, our mother, our feelings, our memories, our desires, our own happiness, our humanity, we fought it all. we were mean and selfish- caught in the ol selfdestructive misery loop.

Feel Bad -> Do Something Selfish To Make Urself Feel Better -> Selfish Action Hurts The People Around U -> Feel Bad -> Repeat

hard lessons, cancer is full of them.

These were my circumstances. these were our circumstances. i never wish that we traded places, but i wish you couldve seen. i feel no qualms about subjecting others to my own ruinous state, if this had to be my reality the least you could do is look.

[wanderrlust0]

:s

im home now and im glad me and him got high today bc i dont think i wouldve been able to be okay emotionally and pretend like everythings good. i just read my last journal post and i just started crying. like i gave him till the very last minute to say i love you to me and he didnt so i whispered it as i got ready to get out of the car and he then whispered it back. like, he wasnt gonna say it if i hadnt said it. he just said it bc i said it but i can tell it was like empty words like wtf i feel like he doesnt really love me anymore rn and ive done absolutely nothing wrong like its unfair and im tired of it. he hasnt been himself since tuesday. first he wasnt himself when i saw him sunday. then i forced him to talk about it a little. then he was good monday, saying good morning, goodnight, using :3 a lot. then tuesday he just went back to the dryness and sounding uninterested. stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning to me. its now thursday (technically) we hung out. i texted in caps goodmorning bc he again just started saying stuff. i feel like he was only okay today bc he was high. he was touching me a lot but mostly my ass bc i wore a skirt. i didnt mind it ofc but i did sorta feel like he was mostly touching me in a sexual way and less romantic way. he is so fixated on my friend who he doesnt like and thinks id cheat with. bunny stop being insecure..honestly. i feel like its def that and his inability to fully trust me is what the main problem is. like he was barely loving meD: i can tellll when he genuinely does bc he shows it but today and these past few days just felt so casual and not full of effort. like why the fuck am i really crying right now like idk how im feeling bc im like ofc hurt and im confused and tired and annoyed and upset and sad and it feels less fun. i always end up doing most of the talking when hes like this bc itll make me so uncomfortable to sit in silence. like theres a good silence and a weird silence. i used the bathroom and left my phone on the table. ik he most likely scrolled thru my notifications. like im sure he def did. he was standing right there. even tho it was locked and he cant see the details of the notifs ik i have nothing to hide. the thing is how long is it gonna take for him to have some faith in me and stop doubting me and treating me like im a copy of everyones past mistakes. i think now im really actually not gonna act like things dont affect me and show more dryness or annoyance or distance. whatever i feel towards him ill reciprocate or stop pretending like its nothing. he didnt answer my text where i sent him a video that i thought was cute and funny and i wanted him to see it too. no acknowledgement from that. he hasnt sent me an ig reel in days. he stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning. he did now. the edible made him happier today and same with me. we drank and it made us both sleepy. idk what hes feeling towards me. he doesnt really share everything bc he thinks that it doesnt make a diff if we talk about it or not bc he feels like nothing will change and its pointless. i obviously disagree and i feel like we def have to talk, whether itll make a diff or not. it will do something. itll help us understand each other more. itll help us see things in a diff perspective. itll help us clear the air and get rid of the elephant thats lowkey in the room. i wish he wasnt so insecure in times like these. i wish he was more confident with himself. i wish he would really just love me unconditionally and not question our love. i wish i didnt have to tiptoe around the topic of my friend. i wish hed pay attention to whats in front of him and realize how great we can be. hes like a part of me now and i cant see myself without him and i desperatelyy wish hed just understand thatD; im trying and doing my best. i love him to pieces, but if i feel that hes losing interest, it makes me lose interest and i emotionally feel less of a connection to who he is. its like i love him and want him close by but his energy isnt the same person and i miss him againnn. hes back to caring less

[minimyz]

my friendly friend @quensty tagged me to put my on repeat playlist on suffle and list the first 10 songs and im doing it RIGHT NOW because im doing laundry and because ill forget. thanks hon!!!!!

unfortunately i have no musical personality whatsoever so most of the songs (all of them actually) come from this playlist (@mitski-hoe altered my brain chemestry forever with this one i listen to it repeatedly)

🛒georgia by phoebe bridgers: i literally go insane over this song georgia georgia i love your son😔

🛒skinny love by bon iver: great one i actually really like it and the chorus is just so so good to sing. bon iver reminds me of new moon they slay (i actually have no idea if bon iver is a band or just a guy

🛒didn't know what i was in for by a bunch of people: i think about the last bit of this song so so much "to fall asleep i need white noise to distract me/otherwise i have to listen to me think/otherwise i pace around hold my breath let it out/sit on the couch and think about/how livings just a promise that i made"

🛒about you by the 1975: actually about missing someone on mundane moments on a train in the mornning and trying to remember all their details imo and its like. scream

🛒to be alone with you by sufjan stevens: such a simple song and yet. and yet. also have you seen sufjans face its like sooo diff from what i expected idk

🛒chesapeake by a bunch of people: "oh sweet child of mine now you stand on the corner and hope you get recognized" also this one reminds me of my mom because she watched that show chesapeake shores in its entirety

🛒twin soul by chistian lee hutson: twin soul=alma gêmea i think its pretty i love expressions in pt actually!

🛒his hands by blegh: insane over this song i thing its such a cool one like the pace and everything its different from what im used to and its so cool to sing out loud. the i knew it was you bit so so crazy babes

🛒love it if we made it by the 1975: fun fact the first few times i listened to this one i didn't really pay attention i thought it was a lovey one etc then one day i really listened to it and was like. wtf. and then i understood and was like slay!!!!!! modernity HAS failed us

🛒northsiders by christian lee hutson: INSANE OVER THIS ONE ACTUALLY "you said that we would always be/branches from the same old tree/reaching away from each other for eternity" WHAT WHAT WTF WTF

anyway😌 other notable mentions: the record by boygenius, hozier (francescas been making me go crazy and want to cry), juice (hadnt listened to these boys in a while and now im back superimposing)

tagging my other friendly friends @czernygf @heymrstargazer and anyone who wants to do it!

[libunityfan69]

why auscap.. whys he australian… i need to know this lore.. it keeps me up at night

glad u asked because im so insane but everyone* i talk to just accepts auscap without question and it hnngngh

so for a little backstory it started in september last year** when i went away with a family friend who had also watched centricide and i asked "wouldnt it be funny if ancap centricide was australian" and there wasnt a single thought behind our eyes when we unaimoiusly agreed yes that would be funny and que the next 2 or so months of being the most annoying headcanoner ever but hey it was fun.

at the same time i was in 9th grade english class in australia and our topic was poetry analysis of silly bogans pre/during the gold rush and the more we analysed the more i was like "hey this shits kinda like ancap centricide" because idk if you have ever been in an australian english/history class but theres a lot of talk about the "[white] australian identity" mainly around when brits began moving here outside of sendign their convicts and during ww1. and the australian identity is mostly centred around being somewhat anti authoritarian and while not technically based in capitalism it was about rich british people getting a taste of the bush and not shutting up ever

because of [white] australias history being in the convicts sent over from england theres an intrinsic sense of anti authoritarianism that was albiet a lot more common in the 19th and 20th centuries but i digress its still relevant idc because it was used in these little bushmen shit where they would idolise this life living outside the government at the time

so the poem that we used for the exam at the end of year 9 english unit 4, while i dont rember the name of the poem nor the writer, i do remember what it was about and what it was about was this guy writing for 6 fucking pages about the bush and how it was so cool and literally made for him he loves it so much and at the back of the pages there was a little biography of the author and you find out that this fucking guy hadnt stepped foot in australia before turning thirty, hes some rich fucking english bloke who came over for the gold rush and left almost immediatly after. the poem we were analysing came from a guy who had never even seen the bush !!! and idk i think thats pretty ancap core

and for a last round of background info from september-november 2021 i actually dmed jreg back n forth about it and ended up getting jrem to confirm auscap as real, and it was real for a whole month before the gender tier list stream on twitch where i asked and jre said that ideologies cant have nationalities um !!! thats not what u told me in dms !!!! also i didnt have any socials at the time that interacted with the centricide fandom apart from my discord so if u were in the authunity server i am NOT sorry for being so annoying about it

tl:dr white australian history is anarcho capitalist also i thought it would be funny

*everyone excludes ps, the owner of the athunity server, who hated auscap so much he banned the use of the word "australia" in the server, fuck you ps-and nankeen and riley, my australian buddies who actually inquired on auscaps existence yall r real ones (i havent talked to nankeen in 8 months)

**i say september because TECHNICALLY the headcanon + first dm to jreg happened in late spetember but i celebrate the anniversary on the 8th of october because that was when my sister edited the image of ancap and made auscap into something tangeble

[morri-senpai]

look I'm not suicidal but sometimes thinking about the little things is the only thing that gets me through the day without breaking down

there's lipstick on the roof of my car because when my sister runs a yellow light, she kisses the tips of her fingers and presses them to the roof. It rubbed off on me. She doesn't do it anymore but I still do, and on prom night I got red lipstick on the roof of the car when I did it and now there's proof of a silly habit my sister had

When Christian came over again for the first time in over a year, he asked for a butterknife to stir his coffee because he remembered that it's how I stir mine and wanted to do it my way

Punk sent andrei money the day my dog died and asked them to pick up some food for me because I hadn't been online all day and they were worried about whether I had eaten (I hadnt)

Ash sent me a message randomly telling me they hope I have a good day in the middle of an actually really terrible day, but that message made the day better

Taelor still follows me on tumblr and interacts with my posts even though we never really talked much because I was too shy to interact but I still think they're super cool

Like. Idk. I'm not suicidal but sometimes I think that's only because I know my friends are worth living for and!!!!! I wish I could convey that but there isn't anything I can do that would compare to the privilege of being their friend 😔😔😔