#and if they DONT LIKE IT then ITS WORTHLESS because I HAVE NO WORTH ON MY OWN. i SHOULD accommodate to what OTHERS want

[mushroominaforest]

me when the feelings get hurt

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

[cavity-collector]

i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

[carrotpiss]

This is a bunch of sad lost and confused and frustrated and lonely sludge, advise not reading

[malkaviian]

posting this wip bc i like the face. as you can see he has bruises.

[pulpbeing]

whenever i go to church, if im not asleep i always thinkin bout fuckin my fav on the altar (this case, dottie,,)

excuse me if this seems too. you know.. sacrilege ,, (i dont know if you actually like god or forced to like big daddy up in the sky) feel free to ignore my ramblings im a crazed man

yk,, thinkin bout maybe you're a priest. n you end up with a sinner of a lover.. he gotta repent, right? just bending him over the altar, making him wet the bible with his drool and tears.. poundin into him so hard and relentlessly but your words are sooo sweet and just praises, makes him so dizzy cuz you're tuggin on his hair harshly as ya make him read the bible,, tellin him good for tryin to read even tho his babblin and his eyes are blurry from cryin,, makin him bite onto a rosary as u cum inside of him, but never stoppin until you think he's repented for his sins despite him being so fucked out and cumming so many times he can't think anymore,,, only how good your cock feels inside of him 😰😰

of course can't forget about the confession booth. favorite place to think about doing it. making him touch himself on the other side as you tell him what to do, and allll the nasty stuff u want to do to him and he's whining for you because he can't possibly finish without you :( then stuffing his mouth full of your cock, telling him to be quiet as you let others in for confessions... n he's tryiing so hard to stay quiet but ohh he just loves how you grip on his hair so harshly and bury his face down to your crotch till he could barely breathe.. choking till theres tears in his eyes and he's gripping on your thighs until your skin bruises... n when they leave, you fuck his throat and express disappointment that he's not keeping shut, but you forgive him and that you believe that he can do better! and ofc he would,, so he tries and tries again at every person that enters the booth.. not getting a taste of your release bc he keeps failing,, n he wants to sob cuz fuck he wants your cum down his throat so bad.. but its worth it, you're always very generous when u reward him when he finally does it right 💞💞

basically sweet priest that has effectively broke his mind,, makin a man like dottore worship you like a god n would get on his knees for you without any questions... thinkin mindbreaking him with really sweet praises that he now can't live without em,,,

i was raised christian, specifically pentecostal and missionary, so i don’t have much experience at all with catholic practices beyond media i’ve consumed o7 and dw. i don’t believe in the man upstairs. sacrilege is my middle name with how much gay sex shit i be thinking in a church. if he hasn’t struck me down yet, doubt he exists as i’ve been told lolol. not like i’d want my church’s version of a hypocritical god.

n e ways

if he can’t even accept your god-fearing, pure love, you doubt he can accept god into his heart for sure. he’s too greedy, always begging for more of you, of your semen, more of you folding him in half and bending him over so roughly you leave bruises on him for days. watch how he shivers in sinful delight when you tut in disappointment into his ear, calling him a “worthless whore destined to an eternity of damnation” and a “greedy, filthy sinner.” the wood of the altar is only saved by the nun’s habit you have him wear, the modest dress flipped up and held from behind to expose his greedy hole, ring of frothy white around it that exposed just how sinful he’s willing to be if he’ll defile such a place with his filthy, dirty words and sins. but… it’s better if he only sins with you, and since your god is merciful, you just have to forgive him, make him repent and beg forgiveness from the lord as you pump him full yet again, force his head back by grabbing his dyed hair and make him look at the ceiling, to the heavens above as he screams your name. looks like you have to have him repent again.

like any pastor, one must guide their sheep through all, especially when they misbehave— especially ones like dottore, who at the moment, doesn’t even deserve to have you properly continue with his guidance with how sloppy and loud he is, sinful mouth drooling and slobbering with every bob of his head, so, in his punishment, you keep him from his reward. of course, you still have a job to do, still have others to guide, so while he pouts with his lips still attached to your sex, you attend to follower after follower, your merciful god granting them all forgiveness as you do with your pitiful dottore. like all lambs, he’ll eventually learn to listen completely lest they be led astray and be devoured by the wolves— so he takes your gift, his throat bulging with how you fill him like the holy spirit does to a true believer. he takes it all as he should, eyes fluttering to a close as he basks in your forgiveness and mercy.

ah, it seems as though he sees you as his god now.

[vexxandra]

after the fall (timeless pick-a-card)

so you`ve taken the leap of faith. what now? ☆ 4-10-24

PILE ONE ; " in the darkest of night / there is always light " ...

after pulling your cards, i immediately heard 'fed to the wolves', and i feel like that's how you feel as well. i think that at the start, you'll feel extremely vulnerable, and some of your older or more reputed peers might intimidate you at the start, but after a while, this energy changes. i hear 'pulling out the roots', so this energy is not permanent at all. i see it shifting into an extremely light and bright energy that feels like peace and happiness.

i think you'll find what you're lacking after taking the leap of faith. i feel like there's some emotional unsatisfaction in some shape or form, and this leap of faith you're taking is you trying to find it. i think you will, pile one, for sure you will. you just have to brave your way through the storm for a little longer to reach it. i believe in you.

PILE TWO ; " where is the key / that could possibly stop me " ...

i dont know what you're looking for. do you? i feel like you're trying to fix your past mistakes. you feel small and worthless, like things keep going wrong, like you can't do anything right. are you looking for a way to stop messing up? to stop your endless surge of mistakes? i dont know your situation, but objectively speaking, its not all your fault. i can't figure out what you'll find, because this feels like an energy of the past, or unknowing present. you can't live in the past, try to forgive yourself in order to move on to a lighter future.

after taking your leap of faith, you find people who bring you away from the past, into an energy of acceptance and positivity and adventures. im really happy for you pile two, this energy is really infectious and so accepting that my heart is bleeding. i feel like this group of people will really be influential to you, and will help you find gratitude in the little things. you might not know what this leap of faith is at the moment, but you will in time, just listen to your heart.

PILE THREE ; " sometimes its me / that has to chose to be free " ...

after i pulled these cards, i felt confusion and honestly a little scared. i felt a kind of dangerous energy, but after a little bit, realized that it was a good energy. the cards tell a very fortunate outcome, but you have to take it into your own hands. you're tangled in knots, waiting for someone to set you free. but just like the quote above, you have to set yourself free sometimes. find confidence to fall after you free yourself, because it is inevitable, but don't bruise yourself too much getting up.

after falling, you'll find yourself rising from the ashes of your old self and find your true happiness. in the cards, i see stability, happiness, and strength (literally). i feel like you'd have everything you'd ever want and have your perfect dream life. i think that it might take a little time for this to happen as i had to marinate on this reading before having the energy to continue it but i feel like the wait will be totally worth it as i can see you being happy for a very, very long time.

[patchiko]

You’ve been given AK Jason so much love thx ☺️ if it’s not too much… what are some of AK Jason’s comforts? Does he have comfort foods? 🥘 Does he like the sound of the rain? 🌧️ Naps on the couch ? 🛋️

Thx 🥰

ill give this man love anytime💟

and its never too much anon, i love writing for him and yall!

Comforting Ak!Jay

(IM SO PROUD OF THIS I 💟 MY AUTISM)

(ngl this also just turned into my character analysis of Ak!Jay’s psychological gymnastics from Comics ((AK Genesis & Batman: AK)) and games) (still wrote the comfort shit tho)

hc, but i dont think any jason todds like the rain. it reminds them too much of the time he was a kid, didnt have a place to stay and went to sleep cold and wet

or when he was still young and with his family, his apartment would get flooded.

BUT ANYWAYS—

alone, i dont think jason can comfort himself very well.

beats himself for it when its over, drops him back into a spiral

just very much not healthy

HOWEVEER with someone is very different ,,

I Ramble Abt Jason Todd

post writing this, i feel like that one tweet thats like, ‘i never realized she was holding a plate of corn in this scene.’

Ak!Jays spirals or episodes come from two things, his self-esteem or self-worth, along with his lack of self-identity

Ak!Jason (Post/During AK) has a very hard time with his self worth, it solely stems from wanting to prove people wrong about himself. he obviously doesn’t like being perceived in the wrong way.

Ak!Jason (Post/During AK) says he’s move pasts his traumas, yet his identity and reasoning is constantly rooted in them, leading to so much contradictory dialogue and mental FUCKING GYMNASTICS.

ak!jay juggling if he wants to be loved by batman/batfam or wants to end it

i think he often ponders if he was better off being killed by the joker, or if he can really be redeemed from his actions as Arkham Knight by helping Gotham as Red Hood.

and if it’s enough for the people around him or someone to accept him.

if he can truly ever be loved

he has a lot of crisises about his identity and purpose more often then not b/c he cant find a reason for either besides his own anger and approval addiction.

, his biggest fear is losing, being worthless, and unwanted.

his constant drive is winning and proving himself as the best.

it causes his always feeling the need to prove himself, just so that hes wanted.

full pic is him on hid knees begging alfred for help,, my baby—-

the first introduction of his internalized self-deprecation is with his father, other then the Arkham Knight Annual

though he rejects this “truth” in the Annual, showing his determination to prove himself more then what Bruce and the Joker idealizes him to be, I think its a good mirror into Jasons mind and what really makes him start cracking

Ex. , his biological father canonically telling him he was a loser growing up, and his mom seems to personify/objectify Jason as gothams gravitation keeping them in gotham.

another example is the way he is talked to throughout scarecrows psychotropic

throughout the comic and game he goes between or showing a desire for a connection with bruce and praising joker for his upbringing, then chastising them.

its very clear jason has an identity issue, with him isolating himself because he believes he is too broken (game dialogues), his need for validation stemming from his childhood, his fear of abandonment, and overall internal dilemmas of wanting a connection or not. obviously hes not good with working out his emotions on his own without doing considerably impulsive things.

jason wanting to be his own person v jason wanting to be a better person for the people in his life

He see’s the place he was tortured as a rebirth for him, along with his plan to destroy Gotham and Bruce.(AK: Genesis)

This only comes from his desire to want his own separate identity, by ending these cycles of Bruces actions and Gothams nightmares he also believes that he will be truly free.

his only true identification with himself is anger and resentment, being built, gravitated, and broken by anger. feeling like hes always losing or lost, and his desire to just win something and therefore be wanted

okay to stop a fuckton of more rambling jason todd, abandoment issues, jealousy/obsession issues, need for connection, validation, relationships, self-destructive isolation, brainwashing induced perception issue, intense mood swings which also cause perception issues.

i guess it could try to be argued that Jason doesn’t actually want validation bc he got over the psychotropic; but i disagree with the way he constantly talks about being underestimated and feeling like he has to prove himself throughout the comics and his dialogue with Barbra in game.

i also want to make it clear that throughout the ak!comics he does help civilians so it does really have morality for other people. He does separate Gothams Gravity from the people, and claims the worst of the worst (villains and such) are the people who succumb to gotham.

(im only stopping bc im on mobile and couldn’t put anymore pictures)

im so upset.

theres so much i didnt get to talk abt

Ok Actually Comforting

so its pretty god damn hard to comfort this dude, he’s a chronic over analyzer, could probably turn anything and everything you say against himself or you, and yet would crave validation and intimacy.

which makes him a bit of a trip,, but i love him. so.

a lot of the time you’ll have to go with his flow

if its really bad he’ll isolate himself, he feels like he’s letting you down by breaking in front of you. He can’t let you see him as weak because to him its a liability for your relationship.

as well as the fact that his perception becomes very extreme/warped when very emotional. he’ll can range from believe your lying to him, to he’s not worth that kind of comfort and he’s wasting your time.

it takes a lot of patience for him to accept that he isnt an inconvenience to you and you do actually care

overtime, a lot of fucking time, he’ll slowly come around to this. instead of leaving for days or weeks at a time, Jason will leave for at most a day or two, but around midnight he’ll be home craving your presence.

he cant be alone again, he really doesn’t wanna be alone again, he needs to make sure you don’t wanna leave him.

probably just goes to sleep facing you, or holding your hand if hes feeling especially mushy.

he’d be so quiet, having the internal battle of leaving you or letting him feed into his desire of just having you around him.

In his words, needing a home. feeling safe, and warm. (I LIED I DELETED TWO PICS TO SHOW THIS)

jason thinking of alfred as home>>

Jason needs that in a partner! Someone who is warm to him! someone who makes him feel wanted or needed! Someone who makes him feel safe!

I think if you catch him just as he gets triggered/begins to spiral, you can help him not crash out.

Being over the top mushy with him isnt gonna work, he needs someone to ground him and be 100% with him.

sometimes he doesn’t need to talk or just doesn’t want to, again presence.

but acknowledging him every now and then to make sure he knows your not brushing him off or forgot about him.

when you’re in a closer relationship he definitely just wants you in his arms, needs to hold you close.

Home-cooked meals with him, justing going about your life with him, making him feel wanted, making him feel acknowledged.

i think he’d open up every now and then, but i think he’s also still a self-assured person who needs guidance at the right time. to just be sure he’s on the right path and youre with him.

one of his triggers is his own jealousy, accidentally making him feel like he’s replaceable or him believing you’ll get tired of him.

he needs so much reassurance.

just be there with him, guide him, love him, make sure he’s on the right path.

he needs a lot of things, sometimes its naps, sometimes its food, sometimes just to be in your arms, sometimes to help you cook, sometimes watching you work, sometimes he’ll have you lay your back on his chest and read with him, sometimes he just wants to fall asleep with you, sometimes he wants to cry in your arms, JUSDHRIDJDJDISO JASON TODD COME HOME WE MISS YOUUUU

HES MY HIGH MAINTENANCE GF

this was so satisfying to write i <3 jason todd

rq/inbox is open !! if you just wanna yap or wanna request somethin’ go ahead!

[nadianova]

How much time do you spend planning some of your visual novels? At least going by some of them being jam submissions, it feels like you go from pre-production to a finished build very quickly, and it's amazing how you can manage that while still having an awesome story and so many assets.

Also, what is like, the process of planning a story out for you, if there's any vague or concrete similarities that you've noticed?

i think the important context here is that if i get bored/have nothing to do i jhust immediately get really suicidal its like ridiculous how bad it gets(ITS FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT IT IVE HAD 5 YEARS OF THERAPY). so i hate being bored and want to occupy my time wit something fun whatever that is. if i have a project to focus on but especially if I'm working for a game jam i have a deadline and i just decide to myself okay i will release a game now.

because ive made a decent amount of games i roughly have an idea on my capabilities, i can estimate how long it takes for me to write a story so and so long and how long it takes for me to draw stuff i need and how long it takes for me to throw stuff in renpy. these are estimates like as in I'm not accurate with it but still enough that i generally know where to start cutting ideas since the most important part is just having something to submit. i also know to plan around my brain wanting to slam my head into a wall an my hands suddenly giving up on being able to draw.

i think thats the beauty of game jams it forces you to just go for it and release something. releasing a 'bad' game is better than no game at all. experience only comes over time and i think just going for it is the best approach there is. like its literally 2 weeks 1 month whatever of your life. if you have the time and motivation go for it. make it work or fuck it up it wont matter in the grand scheme of things

im not sure what is the motivation behind the question but i do want to point out that this is just my method (if you can even call it a method) and the only way to figure out what works for you is to just try until you find something that actually works for you

idk not everyone will find it doable/fun to plan around spending two weeks gamedev 10 hours a day just cause i wanted to fit in 100 cgs for a jam game but apparently i can do that when i cheat my stupid adhd brain into hyperfocus with adhd meds

READMORE BECAUSE I CANT STOP RAMBLING

as for planning tho i think ideas on their own are worthless and its always about execution in the end. a great idea or a meh idea are the same for me but i do still enjoy the planning process so i keep notes

like i see a great tumblr post or i see some art or visual novel has some scene that inspires me: i save that shit for myself

having a big collection of random floating ideas like that helps me easily pick from especially during a jam type duration. right now i have like 4-5 half-baked project skeletons, some are literally like 3 pictures and some like naomida are a hundred hours worth of me writing world building about how the toilets work in a city with no plumbing cause its -30celcius(i love bringing this up)=

i dont normally plan that much, i tend to just wing it. like for malmaid i seriously just had some rough ideas and just went along as i wrote

same thing for dddeviance i had a handful of scenes that i really wanted to make and knew what kind of start and end it was meant to have and just figured out how to fill the in between. a lot of plot points changed vastly like halfway through i realised my devil + angel combination was stupid and i should just go for fallen angel + angel.

i think there really is no simple answer tho (as evident from the long as hell post) i don't really have a 'process' because every single game has been worked on has come with different type of planning since I'm always trying new stuff to try and distract me from boredom. like I've been using obsidian for naomida while previously I've just used a empty discord serve as my notes app for malmaid and dddeviance

and tbh with naomida I'm running to a new problem where I'm definitely planning too much. like I'm spending too much time fidgeting with details in chapter 4 even when i haven't finished writing chapter 1 just cause its so easy to get in the loop of "oh ill just change this one line" and boom 20 mins spent playing with my notes that didn't really progress my game since by the time i reach this point the whole scene might have shifted to something else

.

but if i had to squeeze an answer itd be something like everything related to my art or writing or games is just like "oooooo that seems fun i should remember this for later" and then i just string 10-100 of those into a story

i tend to write my stories in a format of

character A does this and that

this happens here

puppy play ryona piss orgasm

new day and then this happens here

sad thing happens

more piss orgasm

the end

and just like start filling in more details and working on my story in a nonlinear fashion until i feel like i have a strong enough skeleton that i can start writing my scenes. i hop around a lot, often preferring to write the fun scenes first like ero stuff or the ones I'm the most interested in and then the rest is just filling the blanks and stringing the cool scenes together

[helaenalyst]

alternative alicole reading: they're not just lancelot and guenevere, they're also don quixote and dulcinea

if you are not familiar with the story of don quixote, it is a spanish book that parodies the typical tales of knighthood of northern europe (such as the arthurian legends or la chanson de roland) under the premise that "such a story could never be told here, because people are down to earth and don't care for honor or morals here". within this context, don quixote is an aging minor noble who sets out on a quest to embody the ideals of knighthood in a world where it is impossible to do so and as a person for whom it is impossible to do so

personally i find that criston's character as he is written in the show also explores these themes even if a lot is different. the worst parts of himself are constantly spilling through the cracks in the armor that he hopes to contain them with (plus he's dornish! dorne is based on southern spain iirc as george rr martin said). but of course criston is not only don quixote as he does have many qualities of the lancelot archetype as well such as the youth and the unmatched physical prowess

now as for don quixote's "lady", dulcinea. dulcinea is a peasant woman who has been abused and mistreated all her life, she is seen as worthless and as a "ruined woman" as a result of the abuse she has endured. but to don quixote, due to his "madness", she is a lady worth serving, worth worshipping and worth dying for. they are not in love, she thinks he's crazy, but it does move her in the end to have one person in the world who thinks of her as valuable after the way she's been treated so they have a platonic relationship that is quite special

i am an alicole shipper in the sense that i love their complex dynamic, and i love both characters very much, but i don't think alicent's view of criston is like guenevere's view of lancelot, i think her character is a mix of guenevere and dulcinea vibes and her perception of criston is deeply complex but leans more towards "dear friend i am fond of and find physically crazy attractive" than "love of my life that i would move heaven and earth to be with". he's the one who's been there for her through it all treating her like she's worthy of worship in a world that told her that she didn't matter and that she was born to be used and dismissed. but even that didn't protect him from also acting dismissive towards her in the last episode. even that didn't stop him from committing a murder in front of her "for her sake" that made her scared of what he might do next. i think they're both characters that wish they were nobler than they are but ultimately they are just extremely human and flawed no matter how hard they fight against it

i've seen a lot of disappointment over how alicole developed this season by people who expected a more noble, more romantic version of their relationship when it finally came to pass and i think that no one feels that way more strongly than alicent and criston themselves. but imo it didn't turn out that way because it couldn't turn out that way for them because of who they are and the world they live in. but i still find their attempts to live up to these standards impressive and commendable and i think that they also see that in one and another and is a reason why they love each other (even if i dont personally think that they are in love with each other). ironically it's precisely these attempts to be more than they are that often get them so much hate from the fandom and the other characters because it is percieved as them being hypocrates by believing in one thing and then doing another. which is a valid reading and something i think they are aware of and eats them up inside

tldr i like their bond for what it is even if its not the perfect ideal of romance, i still think it's beautiful in its own way and i am glad that they had each other through all these years in a situation where they did not really have any alternatives of others to turn to. i don't know if any of this makes any sense to anyone who hasn't read don quixote in spanish but it makes sense to me <3 so i hit post

[wszczebrzyszynie]

could we learn more about przemek? his design is so cool and he’s always interested me.

(I made a list of specific questions but it’s.. a lot so obviously no pressure to answer them all!)

How has his injury affected his personality?

Why is he in the manor?

Whats his relationship with Mikita like after he realizes he isn’t actually a ghost?

Hows his relationship with his queerness?

What is his and Ryba’s relationship like?

What was growing up like for him?

(Sorry for all the questions I just feel like I see Przemek so much and know so little about him!)

the thing about przemo is that hes definitely a character creation-wise* but in universe hes just... a guy? youd think hed be way more interesting with his design and its just not really true. Hes meant to be unremarkable even if everyone is looking at him in the street. At least he clearly looks like the protagonist...

as with all long oc things everythings under the read more

The thing about the accident is that it didnt change him all that much, really, it just made his general being more... difficult. Przemek (as well as his sister) live by the belief that they need to be useful to their community, and without usefulness they are worthless. Combine that with the freshly abolished feudal system (yes the story takes place in 1890s, but feudalism in russian empire, which took the part of poland the story takes place in was only abolished in 1861, and thats in theory? because in practice the further away from big folwarks you got the later abolishment was taken into account. In Przemeks case, he and his 22 year old brother were the first ones to work in a factory without being forced to work in the countryside) and how important working in a factory was for him to help and provide for his family, and you can see how his self esteem got lower. While his knee pain doesnt make factory work impossible, and Przemek is... way too inconsiderate about himself to acknowledge that he never wants to work in any factory ever again (thinks its a sign of weakness), it is harder and his family would prefer having him somewhere close. So, after being recommended by Ruta Andrushko**, Olehs older sister, he was taken in as the gardener. People at the manor dont really... background check. Its a very specific place

His relationship with Mika can be described as Bad and that is mosty Mikitas fault. Wont go into detail today because we will be here forever and this thing is already unreadable to anyone but me. That being said their one cool moment before he realizes he is not a ghost is when he tries to perform a very butchered version of dziady that Ryba (who is, if you dont know, jewish and blisfully unaware about both christian and semi forgotten slavic customs popularised mostly by a 19th century novel. Wasocz is a 50% jewish town after all) helped with. In the end Przemek got scared and just left him a bowl of groats and eggs before the attic door.

His relationship with Ryba on the other hand is definitely nicer and more friendly, and they later become lovers. I think its worth mentioning that Przemek did not like him in the beginning because of the internalised issues Przemek has with himself, but quickly learned that Ryba is too nice for their own good and being mean Feels Bad. Ryba serves the "anchor" role in the story; it is the only character that i wouldnt consider lonely and who worked his way out of the loneliness. hes very community focused and has a not-directly-loneliness-related story arc to go through, so when it comes to the main theme of the story, he is there to help both Przemek and Nika. On the topic of queerness its one of the many traits Przemo cannot bring himself to even acknowledge. hes very good at ignoring things

*what i mean by that is that hes the most messy character in the story despite being one of the main ones. He is my absolute favourite. Hes literally just a guy. I made him when i was 14 and based his design on an idv character and later on an omori character and you can very clearly see who am i talking about. He was silesian coded when the story was taking place in a different dystopian-royalty world very inspired by an anime i feel like no one besides me ever watched called gosick because it was my favourite when i was 12/13. Hes the most beautiful oc of mine. I still dont know what his ethnicity is and its driving me insane. Mostly polish obviously but i think it would be insane if he had balkan or middle eastern heritage. He is the main character. Thank god im never making dns into a comic **this is Olehs family and their surname is probably written differently in the original story and the modern au. Im using the official ukrainian transliteration here even though im guessing their surname would be written the way its read in polish (Andruszko), as i suppose my ukraine-born great grandmothers surname (Zańko) was polonised down the line. this is not an area i made a lot of research in i am just saying things

also by god i feel rusty when talking about history here so im sorry if the terms arent really correct. it is 3am good night

[toothlespoggers]

Me: FINALLY ZANE IS BEING CELEBRATED AND RECOGNISED AS THE BEST NINJA AND GIVEN ALL THE LOVE AND PRAISE HE DESERVES!!

Ninjago writers: No you forgot we hate Zane, Zane sucks, Zane is so insignificant everyone only remembers him for being “the robot” no one knows anything about Zane as a person, he’s not viewed as a person. He’s nothing but the Titanium Ninja, the robot. The ice machine.

He’s so worthless that even standing beside DRAWINGS of his own face— people still don’t recognise him.

Watch as we switch gears from physically abusing Zane, to emotionally abusing him and completely destroying any sense of self worth he still had.

Me: yay this is, so great.. wonderful.. sooooo happy…

How can one show give me so much serotonin but also make me so angry at the same time. For the love of god why can’t you treat Zane like a normal person? Why can’t you let him be happy? Why can you NEVER let him be happy? Do you hate him? Do you have no soul? DO YOU? DO YOU? You heartless WENCHES on the writing staff, you horrible people. You look into the poor blue eyes of this innocent little cinnamon roll and all you want to do is break his spirits.

WHYYYYY

LET.

ZANE

BE

HAPPY

LET PEOPLE GENUINELY APPRECIATE HIS SACRIFICES, LET PEOPLE ACTUALLY RESPECT HIM, IF I SAW THE NINJA IN REAL LIFE I WOULD, FIRSTLY. KICK KAI IN THE BALLS (because he is a terrible role model and a terrible person and serves little to no purpose in the ninja team and always causes problems and has had barely any character growth) THEN, I WOULD PUNCH LLOYD IN THE FACE FOR NOT LISTENING TO ZANE OR TREATING ANYTHING HE HAS TO SAY WITH RESPECT. DESPITE THIS MAN LITERALLY DYING FOR HIM MULTIPLE TIMES. LIKE WHOEVER GENUINELY LIKES KAI AND LLOYD AS CHARACTERS, BBG THEY ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE. IF YOU CANT TREAT THE FRIEND THATS LITERALLY DIED FOR YOU WITH RESPECT. YOU AINT DESERVING OF ANYTHING.

ZANE. ALWAYS. GETS SPOKEN OVER. THE ONLY TIME HES RESPECTED IS WHEN HES AROUND COLE, NYA AND PIXEL. BUT NOW WITHOUT THOSE PEOPLE, HES WALKED ALL OVER BY KAI AND LLOYD. ITS SO SO SAD TO WATCH.

DID YOU SEE HOW RELIEVED HE WAS TO BE LEFT AT HOME?? THIS IS THE FIRST BREAK HES HAD SINCE THE START OF SEASON 11 (besides being unconscious during the merge)

“finally! Peace and quiet where those idiots won’t force me to get beaten up again.” - Zane probably

ZANE. NEEDS. HUGS. ATTENTION, PRAISE, LOVE AND NEEDS PEOPLE TO STOP TREATING HIM LIKE A ROBOT. HES NOT JUST A ROBOT, STOP MAKING ROBOT SOUNDS TO TALK.IKE HIM YOU WRE INSULTING HIM. THIS MAN HAS MORE EMPATHY IN HIS ENTIRE ROBOT BODY. THEN YOU WILL EVER HAVE.

YALL DONT DESERVE ZANE.

AINT NO ONE IN UNIVERSE BESIDES PIXAL AND COLE DEFENDING ZANE, SO IMA DEFEND HIM

[reverieblondie]

i like to imagine the lowest moment for my sweets, rolan and zevlor. For rolan its being helpless i think. maybe he's ill? hes not uses to being cared for in any romantic sense. he has nothing but ilk to offer at the moment and yet this person is patting a wet cold cloth over his forehead. all rolan can do is listen while they tell him over and over that everything will be okay. and when he finally is over it, they sneeze.

they caught what he had and at least he can return the favor...maybe.

for zevlor i imagine he just , generally feels worthless especially in the face of what reminds him of his past. other refugees. can you imagine zevlor hearing tav scream at them about him, that it wasn't his fault. that the moment he was his own again he fought for them? Can you imagine zevlor. when he hears their voice quiver,they're so angry for him, this moment gives them nothing. not a damn thing. they dont know hes there they dont know he can hear them defending him, theyre just defending him.. because they care?

ah what a mess he is thinking of it

( thks for being a good sport lol_)

I feel like while Rolan is taking care of you he's just so upset with himself. Not only did you have to take care of him but you got sick, because of him! As he is gently rubbing your aching muscles he's just saying how sorry he is, how you not feeling good is all his fault... Your not hearing it though your just so lost in how good he makes you feel, how happy you are he's better and he's here with you now. you cuddle into his lap finally done hearing him being hard on himself.

"Rolan, I love you...please, for my sake be nicer to yourself. You are worth the love you receive."

Its then Rolan with stifle out a laugh before reaching down to kiss your head, "for you, I will try."

Now for Zevlor, I feel like its on the way back to your place he's telling you that you didn't have to defend him like that, what they say about him is right. its clicks for tav that oh he was listening. And that's when Tav decides that Zevlor needs so tough love. Tav doesn't fully lay into him but she does give him a piece of their mind.

"Zevlor, you are not what they say you are. You are a good person who has been though the worst, but don't you dare put yourself down, you don't deserve it, and I won't stand for it! I love you too much for that"

Zevlor is not only in shock that you just yelled at him (which he understands) but you just...told him that you love him.

[beesmygod]

Referring to your additional last post where I believe you are saying that exhausting yourself with tricky social media is not worth the effort as you will be in the same spot you "began" - I would like to know if you feel satisfied with the balance of your output and the response. I always told myself that if I ever make anything that supposedly would interest some people I have yet to meet that I would be satisfied and would be able to do it for just the joy of friends. But I have befallen ill to the call of clout, the lack of numbers having deemed my art worthless and I know many artists quit due to it. I have friends/associates who keep their heads up until in a bad moment they break and lament that they are not where others (popular artists with big clout and opportunity) are. Did you manage to free yourself from that? Or are you supressing it and turn out stronger than most? Because from the looks of everything you are exceptionally strong. I hope your relationship with your art and comic will be met with the same strength. (Apologies for going on Anon - I do not know how to communicate with people nowadays)

no need to apologize for any of this, ever. honestly, it's a difficult to breach subject and a prods at raw nerve that every artist has to tend to at LEAST once at some point. and i think you would have to be superhuman not to feel this complex mixture of contradictory emotions and grapple with it frequently. you want to be seen and heard because that's what art is. why deny the truth: artists crave a sympathetic audience!

remember that you're a human person. you're complex and contradictory by nature; you contain multitudes. you can want multiple things at the same time. it's not a crime to yearn or to express frustration with feeling invisible or underappreciated. i just did this for a week straight lol. i think part of an artistic career is having to face some of this head-on and interrogate yourself. feel the bad feelings. get rejected over and over. it is a career comprised of constant rejection for nearly everyone. and it's extremely hard to put on a happy face and jump back in day after day.

and look, sometimes you lose the battle with yourself for your soul. give yourself the grace when you realize you have. try and learn from it. or don't. it dont mattah. none a dis mattahs

when it comes to numbers, you have to ask yourself: what number will make you happy? when will it be enough to satisfy you? this sounds really confrontational lol but imagine im asking these like "where do you see yourself in the next 10 years?". it's worth interrogating. you do not want to fall into the pit of trying to fill a hole with numbers.

i am absolutely not free of it. not even close. i am shocked to hear that i appear strong given how i feel and behave on any given day. its just a combination of avoidance, suppression, and keeping expectations low. the mantra is: you cannot be rejected if you don't apply, emotional outbursts are like blood in the water to people who dislike you, and expect to be ignored; if you aren't then it's a pleasant surprise.

[vaguely-yandere]

When people add Stolkholm Syndrome into the Yandere/Darling conversation, I feel like it's always the, "My free will has been beaten into submission and my mind has been broken" sort of coersion.

Like the yandere is big and scary and violent, and eventually just for the sake of survival, you begin to kowtow to their whims until eventually Survival Mode becomes normal, and you lose who you were before.

But as we know, not all Yanderes are big and scary and violent.

I like to imagine the confidant yanderes. The ones who manipulate you until you really believe of your "own will" that they made your life better by kidnapping you. "Isn't this so much better than working a 9 to 5?" "You hated your coworkers anyway." "You can have anything you want. Isn't that worth your freedom?" Until all a Darling remembers about their old life is suffering and turmoil, and they find genuine comfort in their Yandere's arms. Their savior, their knight in shining armor, their prince, etc.

Then I like to imagine the pitiful yanderes. The puppies and kitties who can't live without you. They may have kidnapped you successfully, but their lives are falling apart. They bring you tv dinners, because they don't know how to cook for themselves. Their home is a mess while your room is spotless cuz taking care of you is the only thing they have the energy for. And you grow to know them, you can't stop your heart from growing feelings from them. You want to guide them, to mother them, to protect them. Until eventually you wind up as a caretaker to the person who vowed to take care of you. But it was a choice of your own, and even if you could escape, how could you leave them like this?

And finally I like to think of the sympathetic yanderes. The ones whose lives on the outside may be perfect, but they're empty. The only thing that brings them joy is you. And in them you see a reflection of yourself as your darkest time. Who hasn't lost a friend or a loved one? Who hasn't wracked their brain thinking of ways it could've gone differently? Who hasn't had the idea of wanting someone all to themselves, so that they could never leave you or grow tired of you...? These yanderes pull on your heartstrings until you understand them, and you yearn for their certified brand of twisted, obsessive love. Because it will never leave you. A constant, unending love... Who in their right mind would cast that aside? Then again, at this point, coudl you really claim to be in your right mind?

Idk, food for thought. :3c

oh... oh this is toxic..... i love it

yanderes who arent big. they arent physically intimidating. they dont work out, they cant lift a fucking car over their head, they dont have a death glare, nothing. they look so sweet, even their fake smile looks real. and really, these are the scariest because how the fuck could you live with yourself leaving someone who you know cant live without you? truly live without you! not just mentally but they would probably die if you left. they dont threaten it but you feel it. you know they wont survive without you. they rely on you emotionally, so much so that you go to bed bone deep exhausted every day.

and its not like a highschooler or groomer trying to get you to send nudes, no, theres no life threats, no death threats, no nothing. no threats of any kind... not verbally, at least. because thats too easy. you know how to spot that. its easy to detach yourself when theres a whiny, annoying, sad and pathetic voice whining about hurting themselves over the phone because you didnt wanna go into the bathroom for a quick nude (too niche?) but when you see it? see the way you talking to other people makes them feel worthless? see the way they pull away and detach themselves? see them crying more and more often? their romantic gestures slowly stop, they stop asking for kisses, theres barely any touching and you need them. you need them and you know youre using them too but at some point, you stop caring because it just feels so so good to be loved in such an unhealthy, obsessive way. it fills you to the brim, like tar, slow and thick and its warm. you know that if you leave now, you will never get this love again.

(remember kids! dont fuckin do that)

[abimee]

like maybe this is just in passing cause i know ive done this before where i spent 2 years not drawing (this however was pre-internet) but i just woke up one day with no will to continue drawing and like. just thinking about how much i sacrificed from an early age for this only to still be at the starting line of this metaphorical race while everyone else has already gone home and turned off the field lights because the race is over

like i was always pushed to become an artist when i was younger by job recruiters, teachers, therapists, other artists, to the point where i gave up my dream of becoming a writer to pursue art, i gave up going to college or taking classes in highschool or doing anything else like picking up a sport or building another skill all because art was like the path laid out for me from a young age, because i had ''skill'' since i was so little and people encouraged anything from me than art

so like waking up one day to realize ive gotten nowhere with my art and that ive been just standing still in whats supposed to be a lap race just sort of sucked everything out from me.

I had so many dreams when i was younger like being a comic strip maker in the newspaper or having a webcomic on my own site, i remember looking up to so many popular tumblr artists and thinking one day ill be popular just like them, i wanted to be well known and to have merchandise and prints and zines and artbooks or i wanted to be in the papers or on posters or on the television and just. none of that really happened because i never got ''good enough'' for anything.

my skills are the same as they were when i was 13 and thinking of how cool its going to be when i become a ''big artist'', where i was going to be known and i was going to draw such cool art like the stuff i saw on the internet, but none of that really happened. and its not like i havent tried. it just all feels the same and so worthless

like what is there worth continuing to do this. this isnt even about popularity or fame but just about how it feels like ive been running in place all my life and that theres no way forward, and how much i threw away and gave up on and missed for my art. I sacrificed years of my life and the chance to do something for it thinking something would happen and now i just dont even know why i try anymore

ANYWHO