#and if you read the monologue i'm sorry for the emotional damage

[akirakirxaa]

27 for Spotify Gpose!

𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑓 𝐼 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝐼'𝑑 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑎 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝐺𝑜𝑑 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝐼'𝑑 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝐻𝑖𝑚 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑤𝑎𝑝 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝐼'𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑟𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛' 𝑢𝑝 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑟𝑜𝑎𝑑 𝐵𝑒 𝑟𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑖𝑛' 𝑢𝑝 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑛𝑜 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑠

--Running Up That Hill, Samuel Kim Epic Orchestral Cover [[And the endwalker AMV that made me listen to it so much it got on the list.]]

[[Spotify Gpose Ask Game]] Uhhhhhhhhhhh sad Akira monologue under the break.

"Hi there. Happy Starlight.

You wouldn't believe where I got these flowers. There are a lot of things that have happened that you wouldn't believe. I wouldn't even know where to start, so I thought I'd bring you these. I was hoping they'd stay white, but they change their color based on emotions, and, well...

Well, I miss you. I wish every day that it had been...

I wish I had told you when we had time. And I'm sorry I didn't.

But if there's anything I've learned, it's that it never stays dark forever. There's always a light. Even if it's just a little glowing flower at the edge of the universe.

So I'll keep moving forward.

I love you."

[punkeccentricenigma]

DONATELLO X READER "a Night Ride"

Relationship status: Romantic Reader prounouns: She/Her Words: 2739 TW: Slight angst (I guess? I'm not sure), Some grammatical errors because english is not my first language. Author's note: Yooo, this is my first time writing a oneshot in the last few years, i'm kinda proud of it, lmao. Anyway, enjoy.

.⋆｡⋆˚｡⋆｡˚｡⋆. .⋆｡⋆˚｡⋆｡˚｡⋆.

The pale moonlight slightly illuminated the sky above, much like New York itself, adding to the charm of the colorful lights that refused to fade despite the late hour of the night.

The Turtle Tank gracefully maneuvered through the uncrowded streets, its loud engine echoing around, serving as an unspoken warning to pedestrians to watch their step when crossing the road. Two people were inside the vehicle: Donatello, who else? He usually didn't allow his brothers to take the tank without him because he knew how chaotic they could be and how they might destroy everything in their path. The only exception was when April needed help with Mayhem, and as a reward, she offered pizza. That's when Raph took the Turtle Tank. He didn't cause much damage to the vehicle's body, so the purple genius spared him a strong reprimand. This time.

The other person was [Y.N], another human acquaintance of the turtles. Why was she there? And at this hour? Well...

"I can't believe I had to pick you up at this hour because some guy stood you up!" Yes, that was the reason. You see, [Y.N] had a date scheduled for tonight with a guy from her school, which was supposed to take place at a restaurant on the other side of New York. She wasn't a fan of such fancy outings, but the excitement of the meeting had gotten to her, and that's how it ended up. She had waited for a few hours for the no-show date instead of going straight to her apartment and crying into her pillow. At least then, she would have had a slight chance of catching a taxi and not having to call Donatello, who was clearly annoyed. Tough luck.

"I'm not a fan of such vocabulary, oh, who am I kidding? I am, so I'll say it: Didn't I tell you!?" The purple enthusiast began waving his hands during his monologue, trying to express his emotions somehow. Right, Donnie had warned the teenager, and not just once. If she had to say anything now, she'd confess it lasted a whole week.

"[Y.N], going on a date with such a normie won't end well," Soft-shell casually declared, appearing out of nowhere in the kitchen. Well, maybe not 'nowhere,' as it was their base's kitchen, so he had every right to be there - but no one expected the turtle to emerge from his workshop.

The teenager had a puzzled look as she nibbled on one of the sandwiches she and Leo had made for their movie night. "Why?" She didn't want to dismiss Donatello; she knew he genuinely cared about her and was trying his best to help despite his quirks, but this was already the fourth 'rational' argument this week! "He's not Dale, so nothing more annoying can happen!"

"Sorry, but I disagree," his robotic arms unfolded a whiteboard with potential threat assessments or risky behaviors. [Y.N]'s eyes flattened to read the small font; was that Helvetica? "According to my calculations, the chance that this guy is not suitable for you is precisely 76.43 percent. Of course, this number didn't come out of thin air. It's based on a series of algorithms and data analyses I conduct every day. I take into account factors like communication and conflict resolution skills, emotional availability, attachment style, and even past behaviors. It's quite a sophisticated model, if I may say so." The science enthusiast's proud smile said it all.

"Wow."

"My calculations are always reliable, sure, sometimes I make mistakes, but not in matters like these!" It wasn't entirely true. Matters of the heart weren't Donatello's strong suit, which often led to friction between him and his family. Heck, even Doctor Delicate Touch had to help him when Shelldon went through his rebellious phase! But when it came to someone as close as [Y.N]? He didn't want to be wrong.

The girl bit her cheek from the inside, tilting slightly to the side as the turtle turned left again. Her eyes occasionally tracked the new streetlamp, trying to gather her thoughts.

"Don't tell me you're showing her that board," a red-slider turtle peeked out from behind the whiteboard. "Yeah, you're showing her." His eyes didn't express surprise, more like indifference to his righteousness.

Donatello rolled his black eyes, tucking the presentation back into his battle shell as Leonardo sidestepped him gracefully, grabbing a plate full of sandwiches. His gaze settled on the teenager, who had her back turned to him and was slightly bent over.

"You were snacking, weren't you?" [Y.N] twitched slightly at her friend's keen observation. She slowly turned her head towards Leo, her smile seeming somewhat embarrassed.

"No?"

"Spots around your mouth from mustard say something else," Leonardo pointed out, pointing with his finger. The embarrassed teenager chuckled softly, feeling her posture slightly break.

"Okay, you caught me!" Despite being in despair, her voice also conveyed false drama. "But what can I do when you make such awesome sandwiches?? You guys live in the sewers, after all!" Donnie chuckled quietly to himself, knowing where his friend picked up these habits. It might not be a matter of great pride, but it made an impression. "Well, give me another one!" Before anyone could react, the girl practically lunged at Leo to reach the plate of food he had deliberately moved away from himself.

"Nuh-uh, because there won't be enough for the others." He easily comically pushed his friend away and headed towards the exit, winking at his brother in passing. Donatello rolled his eyes, knowing what was going on. He wasn't happy about it, but there was nothing he could do about his (not) twin's foolishness, or at least he didn't want a repeat of the last time he meddled in his brothers' affairs.

Finally, his dark eyes settled on the girl, who chuckled with a smile. She wanted to wipe her face with the sleeve of her hoodie, but the mechanical hand had her wrist in its grip. "Huh?"

"Didn't your mom teach you good manners?" Donnie approached her, taking a single sheet of paper towel from the red kitchen countertop nearby.

"I repeat, you guys live in the sewers, so what I wanted to do is the least of your worries." [Y.N] laughed, trying in vain to free her hand from the scientist's robotic grasp. "Can you let me go, Dr. Octopus?"

When she attempted to jerk her wrist again, Donatello began gently wiping her lips with the paper towel in a slow, deliberate motion, getting narrowed pupils in response. The boy didn't have the courage to look into her eyes, despite the brave activity he was currently engaged in, especially when his thumb lingered at the corner of her mouth for a second longer than it should have.

Once he finished wiping, he took the paper and stepped back slightly, realizing what he had done. When they both locked eyes, warmth flooded their cheeks, and the shock added to the turtle's expression. It was clear who was more in control of their emotions here, hm?

The boy coughed abruptly, averted his gaze, and straightened up - he didn't even notice when he had been slouching. "Living in the sewers doesn't compromise my hygiene," he commented a bit too loudly, feeling his voice crack with each word. "I'd say it's Leo who's more likely to." He chuckled slightly, and the girl joined in. "Well, anyway! Movie marathon coming up, so, see you in a few minutes??" Since when was he feeling so hot?? "See you!" He finally shouted, panicking and fleeing the kitchen.

[Y.N] chuckled with a smile, covering the lower part of her face.

[Y.N] sighed shakily, covering the lower part of her face.

"Oh, for Newton's sake, I feel like punching someone! ... Is this how Raph usually feels when he looks at us?" The red light appeared on the traffic signal, reflecting off the dark Turtle Tank's body. When the boy stopped the vehicle for a moment, he heard quiet sobbing. Confused, he looked to the side and saw [Y.N], who had started crying uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry."

The turtle's eyes widened. Her voice seemed to slowly shatter like transparent glass between each tear drop, and her posture was completely destroyed as she bent in half on the soft seat, completely covering her face.

Donatello glanced out of the corner of his eye at the front windshield, wanting to check if the light had changed - it was still red, so he immediately got up and approached the girl, squatting by the seat. He didn't handle his emotions well, especially someone else's, but he felt a pang in the depths of his heart that he wanted to get rid of. With a slight hesitation, he placed his three-fingered hand on her back, gently moving it up and down - Splinter, and then Raphael often did this to comfort the science enthusiast when he struggled with something.

"I should have listened to you," the teenager began, "It was a mistake to hope for a good time with that person." The boy felt terrible. Yes, he had wanted to help her understand her mistake at the time, but he still hoped that despite his unpredictable intellect, he was wrong. "God, I just want to hide in my room and never come out."

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault." Her eyes peeked out from behind her fingers. Donnie's eyebrows furrowed seeing [Y.N]'s bloodshot and red eyes. "Who would have thought he wouldn't show up after all?"

"You," she sighed heavily, straightening up. Her expression conveyed sorrow. "Your calculations turned out somewhat effective."

Donatello looked at her with empathy, trying to find the right words that could comfort her. He gently raised his hand and lightly tapped her shoulder, trying to convey support.

"Science... doesn't always get it right." [Y.N]'s eyes widened at his words. Why did he think that way? Science was practically one of Donnie's defining characteristics, it was unthinkable. Sure, Leo or Mikey might say that, but not him, not her genius acquaintance who would want to rule the world! [Y.N] was now certain that something was going on deep within him.

"What are you saying?" Her voice wasn't supposed to sound less casual, slightly mocking, but she couldn't help it. "Science doesn't get it right? That's so... illogical of you!"

Her eyes met his dark ones again, expressing strong uncertainty and... enchantment, quite enchantment. His face was perfectly illuminated by the city lights, causing a slight blush of astonishment on the teenager's face.

"Science doesn't always have it right," he repeated and stood upright. His fists were tightly clenched, and his posture was rigid. "And I'll prove it to you."

"How?"

His mouth opened for a second, but he closed it again, momentarily struggling with whether to confess one thing, but now there was no turning back, he had to do it. 'Calm down, Donatello, calm down...'

"When I calculated our 'compatibility,' the result came out excessively negative..." he began, trying with all his might not to take his eyes off the young girl. He didn't want his friend to think he was weird! Although, could there be anything weirder than a teenage mutant ninja turtle with a high IQ? "But... but I feel something else."

'Wait, he calculated our compatibility?' [Y.N] repeated in her thoughts, trying to understand the meaning of those words as quickly as possible. Compatibility. Compatibility... the teenager's blush deepened. 'Is he into me...?!'

She was snapped out of her thoughts by a touch. She felt the boy grab her hands in his, gently squeezing them.

"Numbers don't make sense in this situation," he began. "So... will you go on a date with me?" His voice seemed uncertain, not in terms of his words but about himself. As mentioned earlier, he was a mutated ninja turtle; what chance did he have? But for some time now, he couldn't resist the growing feelings for [Y.N], who, as one of the few, had gotten close to him and understood him. He knew how annoying he could be with his habits, strong sarcasm, or introverted nature, but it didn't bother her, at least most of the time, and he really appreciated that.

The silence stretched on infinitely, causing even greater nervousness on Donatello's part.

"... I've only just been dumped by one guy."

"Oh, right!" Donnie looked startled, like a deer in headlights. Yes, what an idiot! He should have thought this through, or at least used less direct words! How does it look now? "I'm sorry, this was inappropriate; we can forg--!"

"But I'll go." Another silence.

"..."

"..."

"What?"

"Well, you know, let's wait a week for today's emotions to settle," she smoothly took his wrists in her hands. Her smile, despite the slight nervousness of the situation, radiated a pleasant feeling, full of strange comfort, as if not judging him at all. "But after that, I'd be happy to go on a date with you."

Donatello seemed... disconnected. A million thoughts swirled in his mind. Was this real?

"Donnie?" He blinked a few times and looked at the person in front of him again. After a brief moment, he smiled, tilting his head slightly.

"Thanks." That's all he said, and the traffic light turned green. Without waiting, he took the driver's seat and drove on.

"So, on our date, maybe we can watch something? Like... Oppeinhamer?"

"Oh, you know me so well!"

Bonus:

"I'm in position, Tails," the nonchalant voice of the red-slider turtle was audible through a small communication device. [Y.N] chuckled softly, watching out of the corner of her eye as Donatello, with a grimace on his face, sat down next to her on the edge of the residential building's roof.

"My code name is 'Shadow,' Leo!" The turtle sighed heavily, furrowing his brows. "And no, it's not a reference to Sonic!"

"You can't fool me," Leonardo laughed, leaning out from behind the building's wall, sticking his tongue out in the same direction where the pair is.

"Be quiet, Bluey," this time [Y.N] spoke up, bringing the communicator closer to her lips. Seeing the gloomy expression on Leo's face instead of his usual smile, the pair burst into mocking giggles.

"Yeah, yeah, keep making fun of the fact that I watched that show at 3 in the morning." The teenager muttered quietly, resting his weapon on his shoulder. "If you couldn't sleep, you'd watch it too!"

Donatello rolled his eyes, accompanied by his rare smile, and discreetly took the girl's hand. Meanwhile, [Y.N] gently rested her head on his shoulder, giggling again.

"Wasn't your code name 'Purple Knight' by any chance?" She asked, lightly moving her feet.

"It was, but you know, most changes are good, and I'm getting older, so it's natural that I change my nickname~."

The girl raised one eyebrow slightly, adjusting her position a bit to look at Donnie. He met her gaze, which weakened after a moment, and a hint of embarrassment appeared on his forehead.

"FINE, maybe it is a reference to Sonic!" He declared loudly, gesturing. "I've been catching up on Sonic Prime lately; you can't blame me!"

[Y.N] burst into laughter, hugging the boy. For the first few seconds, his body stiffened, but after a while, he put his arm around her. However, out of the corner of his eye, Donatello noticed someone walking on the sidewalk.

"It is Shadow. Bluey, stay alert, the target is approaching," he said through the headset, putting on his special goggles.

"Mhm."

The target was the same boy who had stood [Y.N] up a few weeks earlier on the day of their almost date. Yes, it was Donatello's idea, wanting to seek revenge for his almost-partner.

"Now, Bluey!"

Leonardo leaped out from behind the wall, right in front of the unsuspecting boy who needed a few seconds to grasp the situation.

"Hey, buddy, how's life treating you?" The turtle asked with a malicious grin.

"A talking turtle?!"

"One who happens to be an awesome ninja!" He chuckled, swinging his sword. After a brief moment, a bright blue portal appeared beneath the teenager.

His scream lasted only a nanosecond as he disappeared into the blue void, eliciting laughter from Leonardo. "Have a nice trip to New Jersey~!"

[narcissa-black-supermacy]

share a line (or lines) from a fic!

tagged by @broomsticks and @tahtahfornow, thank you so much <;33

I am choosing Pioneers by @inveracities, my all-time fav J/S fic and one of my Top Tier fics of all time across fandoms. It's horrible and toxic in the absolute best ways possible and reading it for the first time played a fundamental role in shaping how I view their dynamic, both romantic and platonic.

The entire fic is one big emotional rollercoaster but this part always just breaks no matter how many times I read it (chapter 8):

“You know what,” James sighs, exasperated. “I want you to tell me why you don't -” “Do not say fucking 'trust me' -”“Oh, come on! Why shouldn't I say it, when that's the fucking problem?”“Because trusting you is fucking reflex!” Sirius snaps, savage and hopeless. “I can't help it, even when I don't want to, just like I can't help but come crawling back even when you've made it crystal fucking clear what you think of me. I'm here, aren't I? Even after – you asked me to stay and I fucking stayed, why can't that be enough? How unequal do you need things to be?”“Unequal?”The word makes no sense – it's the last way anyone would ever describe them, the last thing the two of them could possibly be.“Don't say it like you don't know -”“I don't know! I don't, because we're not, what the fuck are you talking about?”“You're really going to make me say it, aren't you? I'm talking about the fact I need you, you sadistic piece of shit. There, you win, I fucking need you, and you don't need me, are you happy now?”He just can't fucking parse that at all. He knows what all the words mean but they make no sense in that order.“Are you – you're not… brain-damaged, are you?”

And then THIS:

“I know it's pathetic, alright, you don't have to – do you think I want to be like this? I'm not afraid of anything – it's not bravado, alright, I'm just fucking not, not of anything at all, and you make me afraid of my own fucking body - ” Frustration collides with this pang of intense, unwelcome, inappropriate desire, and floods his body with prickly, restless heat. “I didn't say it was pathetic,” he interrupts through gritted teeth. “I said it fucking hurts me. You see, this is why I can't talk to you, you can't even hear me, can you, through all that bullshit in your head? Now, do I have to sit through another monologue about how wanting me is the worst thing that's ever happened to you, or will you shut the fuck up and let me fucking finish?”

I have no idea who got tagged so sorry in advance if you already were. Tagging @heartofspells @fonkeloog @veriableflowers @soloorganaas @thistlecatfics @artemisia-black @green-and-grey-kenaz @gracelesslady23 @tracingpatternswrites and anyone who wants to do this: choose a fav fic of yours and quote the best lines.

[beepboop358]

Hi 💜

Do you believe in the theory that Mike is telling Will he is in love with him but Will rejects him ? And if you do what do you think the scene would be like ?

( sorry if that’s a weird question lol )

Hope you have a good day

hey anon!

I definitely think this theory has merit, although I personally haven't dug into it too much myself, I have read other's theories and thoughts on this. A few of the st4 vsf movies sort of hint to this idea of Will rejecting Mike the first time Mike kind of confesses his love for Will, which is the main evidence (I think) for this theory. I think this scene would be a little subtle, where Mike is very coy and doesn't explicitly say he loves Will, but is using clearly lovey language and gestures, and Will might not explicitly say he's rejecting Mike, but it's clear that he's basically saying something along the lines of that, if that makes sense. So then Mike has to say it again later and actually tell Will explicitly how he feels. Which wouldn't be bad development wise because it leaves somewhere for them to go with it, and the Duffers have said Mike has a long monologue at the end of the season 👀 and all of Mike's monologue's so far have been Will related. That's not really proof of this theory but just saying it would make storytelling sense what the monologue would be about.On the other hand I can see it being less subtle and more of a big moment where emotions are heated and maybe some tears too. But I think they can't go too big with this moment, where like Mike and Will get into a big fight, because they can't do too much damage to their relationship since it's being set up to be endgame. I'm not too sure how this scene would happen, I'm excited to see season 4 and see if it does happen tho!

Thanks for the ask! I hope you have a good day too xx <3

[existential-dread-in-the-am]

@lillybet-the-overlord you asked for this Victor please don't hate me 😅

Ok I'm writing down anything I can think of, these aren't planned around your characters so please use all the necessary creativity and then some to make anything you like better match your work.

(For the rest of you: this is my ideas for Victor's OC's possible dying words and different situations they could be spoken in. It gets very detailed so here's a general trigger warning)

I'm telling you this gets detailed. Do not read this if you're at all sensitive to any form of violence and/or injury. If you're sensitive to only some specific things they're also very probably mentioned here. Even if you're not particularly sensitive to anything specific, proceed with caution as this can still cause fears/nightmares.

Scenarios for cause of death:

Death during a physical figh

1. Characters fight together against a threat, some are lost

-> short last words, one or two words, possibly a name or 'help' or 'no' or words cut short

2. Same as 1 but the whole group dies

-> have a second character hearing these words also get injured and/or die because of the split-second distraction for extra emotional damage to reader

-> either a surprise attack or forced to fight a hopeless fight, or the tables turn on the group during something they've planned (plans gone wrong)

-> small groups work best here, otherwise too many characters

->even shorter last words (unless some characters are hiding and can actually talk) (these words can be trying to warn others or direct them but fail to do so)

-> go through each character's last moments one by one using both first person and observer perspective for max emotional damage

-> slow down your pace once you get to the last one(s?) standing. Consider adding internal monologue or even dialogue or just description of the surroundings, situation and/or emotions. Make this moment calmer and more...poetic? before you end the last character's life

3. Character vs character

-> consider having the last one(s?) captured for a time instead, you can use this character as bait for future plot points to make more characters suffer

-> one needs to be the challenger aka the one initiating violence

-> for extra emotional damage give challenger an unjust but powerful motive and favor the non-challenger's pov then have the challenger win and the non-challenger lose

->also for extra emotional damage have either one or both participants unwilling to harm the other but forced to

-> ending: for max emotional damage, two possibilities: either end it coldly and cruelly in the unjust challenger's victory with then having no sympathy for the other OR have the winner completely emotionally broken about the other's death and frantically apologising out loud or just in their mind. Alternately have the one who killed be very very gentle with the other and comfort them while they pass away

-> last words ideas:

-have the dying character try and fail to speak due to injury

-confident angry 'I won't let you win!' or 'this is for [insert anything]!' while still in good condition, immediately followed by a fatal hit full stop

-dying character pleading the other to spare [insert loved ones or their people] followed by...well. cold denial of the request and/or the other describing what's going to8 happen to them next. possibly followed by an insincere or empty 'sorry'

Post-fight death bc of injury

->> this can be followed by furious empty threats from the dying character, and then finally, silence.

1. Death by head injury

(It's almost always bc of bleeding, internal or external. Sometimes head injury or a crushed or punctured lung causes death faster but those don't leave much room for words. Bleeding leaves between a few seconds to minutes to maybe an hour of coherency depending on severity. Useful bc a character can win a fight but still drop dead immediately after)

2. Death by neck/spine injury

-> character is barely oriented and mumbling something usually not quite intelligible. Maybe reaching out for a loved one trying and trying to say their name but ultimately failing. Max impact when character falls to the ground and instantly drops dead.

-> this one's creepy. Character walks forward and moves and talks normally as if fine when they move calmly and slowly, but when they're started by something towards their side and suddenly turn to look, they drop like a stone. Dislocated neck, spinal cord permanently offline.

-> possible for character to have an entire conversation before just. dropping dead.

(This is what sometimes happens in car accidents)

3. Death by crushed/pierced lung

->results in oxygen deprivation, basically same mechanism as death by asphyxiation but slower

-> character's ability to speak is limited or gone

-> technically a human can survive on with one functioning lung but pair this with bleeding out or being stuck in a small space that keeps their chest from expanding enough, or inhaling smoke/dust, and the character is done for. There's not enough air to cough the dust out, it builds up.

->absolutely fantastic setting for character 2 trying to keep character 1 alive and telling them to not talk and trying to give hope while character 1 tries to use their remaining oxygen to get their last message out (have character 2 too upset and preoccupied with trying to save a life to focus on the message for extra emotional damage)

4. Bleeding to death

-fast:

-> a few minutes of coherency, sometimes just one. Major bones and/or arteries damaged. One example: enough damage to your thing will break both a major bone and a major artery, both enough to kill you in minutes alone, but together?

(Tip: shoulder injuries and blows to your middle can cause a surprisingly serious amount of internal bleeding)

-> the character will feel very weak and dizzy while standing up, and also lying down but less so. They won't remain standing for long.

-> enough time for a short conversation, usually about feeling unwell along the lines of 'help me' possibly followed by frantic 'I can't see what's wrong you look fine' by second character. It'll look like bruising and swelling at most in this time frame.

-> also possible to have this character's opponent/enemy sit next to them and watch them struggle against pain and eventually unconsciousness

-slow:

-> character can hide pain and dizziness for days but it worsens gradually. It'll still look like bruising

->can worsen very suddenly

->also if there's a head injury it might be nothing first then suddenly the same as part 1 a day or two later, or a gradually worsening headache possibly with problems with vision/hearing/functioning and so on

->character will likely have changed location from where they got injured, either to the company of friends or enemies. The former will likely have the character seeking help -> last words can be goodbye to them or ???? Something? While in the later scenario the character will probably be hiding their injuries to the end until they're too tired to care, depending on what kind of people we're talking about the character might either curse at them or be pleading. Possibly neither.

(Two ideas I like especially: 1. Character's last words are to a loved one who isn't there, and 2. The character's captors don't want the character to suffer/die, they didn't mean for things to go like this, they thought the character was fine -> their last conversation is between the character and their captor who's trying but failing to help)

5. All of these can be applied to accidents which cause similar injuries, the only thing that changes is who's around

-> an enemy may use an accident as an opportunity to let the character die or harm them when they're vulnerable. Example: character gets stuck under a falling tree but isn't crushed and can somewhat breathe. Character 2 then proceeds to first taunt and then stab them (examples: in the side/chest to pierce 1 lung to leave them to die slowly OR faster)

Death by illness/prolonged death by injury

->bed. They'll be where they sleep

->possibly caused by infection from injuries from a fight, or just something more mundane

->surrounded by enemies? Vs surrounded by loved ones? Completely alone?

->character will be in much discomfort and will pause to focus on surviving pain between or in the middle of sentences and words

->enough time for a conversation. Last words are likely a full sentence, they really depend on what the character's background is.

Examples:

-> 'are [insert other character(s) names] ok?' -> yes -> 'good...' *dies*

OR -> no -> 'where are they I have to get to them - I have to - to - [insert name]...' *dies*

-> (to character 2, real or imaginary) 'I'm so tired [insert name]...it hurts...I can't anymore I can't...just make it stop...' *suffers for hours unable to speak coherently anymore before finally succumbing to their condition*

[liltaz-asatreat]

6, 7, and 13 for the writer questions :O?? -ise

@barry-j-blupjeans

From this ask game here! <- Feel free to send some in!! :D

Sorry I'm just now getting to these. The thing I had to do took longer than I expected it to lol

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

Answering this question lol But no, it's okay, I think what I fear most, particularly with sharing my writing, is that I'm going to write something without thinking about it too much that ends up being offensive, especially if I'm writing from a place where I'm trying to work through stuff and it has something to do with things I need to unlearn from my childhood. Both because I really don't want to write anything harmful and because I don't know how to come back from that. I'm my harshest critic, and I still have conversations and things I've written in the past that haunts me to this day even though I was a kid when they happened, and, as far as I know, didn't do a whole lot of damage. I hate the very idea of hurting people, and I'm deeply afraid of being capable of doing so and of facing the backlash that may or may not come when I fuck up.

Conversations I need to continue to have with my therapist ANYWAYYYYY

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

I know I just said that part of the process of sharing it with people is terrifying as fuck, but my deepest joy is also sharing it with people slaghdslkhghg I love putting stories out into the world that has the capacity of touching people's lives whether it makes them laugh, cry, feel warm inside, or hits them in an emotional way. I feel like I have a hard time sometimes connecting with people, but this is the one way I know how to do it well, and I feel like it's also the way that is the most meaningful. I never know when my stories are going to be just the story someone needed to hear, and they found it and read it at the right moment, when they needed it most, and it affected them in a profound way. Or even just lifted their spirits when they were feeling really down. Or soothed them in some way. That's been my biggest motivator to write for all of my life. Stories have always affected me in deep and meaningful ways and have changed my life multiple times over, and I want to be able to give that back to the world <3

That's why I love reading people's comments so much, even if it's just keysmashing, because I know I did my job, and that people enjoyed what I wrote. Also, a lot of the comments I get are funny lol Like, half of them make me laugh, and the other half just make me feel warm inside because I know that my story helped someone or they caught something I added in there on purpose that I was really proud of or even that they're just going to think about the story for a while <3

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

I think with the experience of writing Delivering on a Decades Old Promise under my belt, I can say that I have the hardest time writing straight up fluff lmao Like, I can do it for a little while, but then I have to add something at least bittersweet, if not some drama or something sad asldghldskag I'm extremely proud and happy with how that story turned out, and I had a lot of fun writing it, but trying to get it out in time for Blupjeans week when I started it about two weeks before the day it came out was grueling, especially because there's only so many ways I could think of on how to make happy and meaningful connections with everyone I wanted Lup to connect with lmao I honestly can't believe I made it over 10,000 words without some sort of plot twist, so please bear with me for the future because I don't plan on pulling out another fifth of a novel length ficlet that is straight tooth aching happiness lmao

I think what's easiest for me to write is emotion. Especially inner dialogue or outer monologue or just describing what the emotion feels like. I may not be as good as having a back and forth between characters in an emotionally charged situation unless I have a clear idea of what I want all of the characters involved to take out of the conversation and I already have some of the relevant dialogue in my head instead of trying to figure out what they're saying to each other, and I have an even harder time trying to describe facial expressions and physical body movements that convey emotion, but the act of feeling it itself and how the character might think about it and verbally convey that without much interruption is pretty easy for me. I'm a very emotionally driven person, so that's not too surprising for me lol

[meet-me-in-the-kitchen]

Hi!!! I've just gotten my wisdom teeth removed and I'm emotional wrecked. Who knew I would miss those little shits? Anyway, could you maybe write something short about Y/n having her wisdom teeth removed and being super sad and in pain and Harry is just there to help her feel better? I love your writing and honestly read all of your work twice at the least. ILY

ANESTHESIA AND LETTING GO

(She would stare at him like he was god’s single greatest gift to humanity.)

“You’re gonna take care of me?” she garbled, gaping so he could see the gauze squished into her mouth and a little bit of blood trickling out of the recent incisions. He tried both not laughing or wincing, but couldn’t help an endeared little smirk tugging at the corner of his lips at her genuinely awed expression, as if she couldn’t believe he was actually there. Thsy’d had to remind her a few times that he was her boyfriend, which worried him a bit at first—he reckoned he’d watched The Vow a few too many times.

“Yes, lovie,” he’d rasped, a warm chuckle rumbling in his chest as he brushed away a lock of hair that was dangling dangerously close to her open mouth. This seemed to cheer her up, because she made a contented little cooing noise, the kind you would expect to come from a woodland creature or a baby, before nuzzling her cheek against his knuckles, gazing up at him shyly while blushing a bit. The older dentist in the room had sighed wistfully while passing by for her post-operative check-up, while her younger assistant sniffed jealously. Loopy from drugs or not, y/n took one look at the woman’s lustful gaze on harry’s bottom and glared at her fiercely, mouth full of gauze. He’d said he was her boyfriend, hadn’t he? That made her his girlfriend and thus perfectly eligible to grab his...

“Oh!” Harry yelped in surprise when y/n’s hands reached behind him and greedily squeezed a handful of his bubbly bottom, a gesture usually performed the other way round, not that he was protesting.

“She’s a bit loopy,” Harry explained sheepishly, a little pink in the cheeks, to the dental assistant, who was now huffing and sneering down at her clipboard. y/n simply batted her eyelashes, mouth still wide open, while Harry gently placed her hands down and she sneakily let them travel down his back and then deliver a firm smack to his backside.

“I can see that,” the assistant muttered darkly. She stuck her nose up in the air, and marched out of the room.

Satisfied that her nemesis was out of the picture, y/n settled back into the chair politely and thought back to what Harry had said before about how he was gonna take care of her and how the smooth planes of his perfectly sculpted face had felt against her cheek; thoughts that once again send blood rushing to her cheeks, and send her into a fit of cute giggles, staring up at the ceiling but not particularly anything as she does so with fingers pressed slightly to her puffy lips.

“Proper spanked me in front of the dental assistant only moments ago, love, and now you’re goin’ all blushy on me,” Harry teased lowly, his own dimple poking out as this sent his girlfriend into even louder giggles, ones that she covered with her hands.

After leaving the dentist’s office, however, things had quickly taken a turn for the worse once the drugs slowly exited y/n’s system. dental pain is quite arguably one of the most excruciating pains to exist on the face of this planet. especially if you’re the one going through it. and besides the physical pain...y/n seemed to be having some attachment issues to her teeth, as well.

“...Harry?” y/n whimpered, curling further into her boyfriend’s chest and looking dolefully up at him with wide, tear-filled eyes. His forest green eyes flitted to hers in surprise of her sudden wakefulness. She’d been silent most of the car ride back, after ten minutes of initial happiness and humming his songs loudly under her breath. Once they were back home, she’d clung to his side, and he had to carry her up the steps to their flat, bridal style, because she was kind of flopping all over the place, but he didn’t mind an excuse to hold her so close to him. He helped her into a jersey that smelled just like him to comfort her while she was still neurotically out of it, her cheek squished to his chest while he put Tiger King on Netflix, but admittedly paid more attention to he, looking down every now and then to see a deep-set frown on her fresh face.

“What is it, baby?” he asked. She decided he loved his voice as he talked to her like this, because it was low and pleasant and he took his time saying each word, so it rolled off his tongue like syrup with authenticity and an accent that knew no exact heritage, but Harry. His green eyes were attentive, fingers stroking down her back. “do you need anything?”

“I hurt,” she sniffled, lips trembling. He pouted in response, turning over so he could hold her properly, hips melding together.

“‘M sorry. Do you want more medicine?”

“No,” she said indignantly, like it was obviously not what she would want.

“You sure?” he asked slowly, eyebrows raising. “I thought it hurt?”

“Not that,” she shook her head, eyes shifting to her nervously twisting fingers heartbreakingly. her lips trembled a bit, and Harry grew alarmed. He was him, so he’d naturally spent hours on WebMd, reading up on the side-effects of even such a common procedure as wisdom teeth removal. Had the dentist damaged the crowns of any other teeth? had she hurt y/n’s gums? what if—

“What’s wrong then, hm?”

“I— I just...” she burst into tears, sobs breaking as she choked out an explanation. In a hushed voice, she confessed: “I miss my wisdom teeth!”

He blinked once. Twice.

“You...” he paused. “Miss your teeth?”

y/n nodded, big eyes filling with tears again at the mention of her long departed acquaintances.

“Like...they were always there for me, you know?” she garbled, tears slipping down her face as Harry frantically tries to swipe them off her cheeks with his own thumbs, while also confirming that his girlfriend has, indeed, finally lost it.

“I mean,” Y/N took a deep breath before diving into a heartfelt monologue dedicated to her teeth. “I could be going through the worst day ever, and i could be a total bitch and most people would probably leave, but my teeth never left me. and like, they never even wanted to leave and they were always there, but I never even tried to make them feel wanted,” she sniffled, blinking back tears dramatically while Harry rubbed the small of her back, handing her a tissue she blew her nose into. “I know that humans don’t need them to chew on raw animals anymore, but...can you imagine how that feels?” She empathized, emotion in her voice, “to constantly be there for this total bitch and then she just wakes up one day and feels a pinch in her mouth—“

“Not a pinch,” Harry muttered defensively, recalling Y/N screaming bloody murder the night before, but unsure as to why he’s defending her from...her.

“—and decides to tear them apart, evicting from the only place they’ve ever really known. I didn’t even say goodbye, and it makes my heart sad,” Y/N aid so defeatedly, it kind of breaks Harry’s heart, too.

“And you know the worst thing,” she whispered brokenly: “they never even saw it coming.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” he stated, wiping away her tears delicately, watching her face until each one was gone, a bare sniffle the only reminder she’d been crying. “I love you too much to let you do this to yourself. We’re gonna watch a rom-com, and...”

“But, I never even named them!” she gasped wetly. He ignored her as she murmured alejandro, wisdom the wisdom tooth, and other potential names for her deceased teeth; while simultaneously contemplating if she could break into the dentist’s dustbin and maybe sneak back her teeth.

But when the day comes to an end and the drugs are flushed out of Y/N’s system, Harry takes care of her. He makes sure Y/N’s getting enough water and eating well; sets a timer to wake her up from her naps and feed her the bitter medicine her scowl suggests she wouldn’t take if it weren’t for him. He would make sure to replace her gauze even if she’s a bit squirmy from all the blood in her mouth, and most definitely wouldn’t be stingy when it came to cuddling; squeezing her so tight with his strong arms, trying his best to minimize the pain as much as possible. that meant pressing light kisses to her puffy cheeks. When she’d be up from an aching mouth, he’d be the one putting his hand under her jaw, massaging lightly, to help relieve some of the ache. He make sure her food was soft and the right consistency, and hold back her hair when Y/N’d inevitably puke from the taste of her medicine, or soothingly rub his warm hand over her back when she was tremoring from the anesthesia leaving her freezing.

“Are you staying?” Y/N asked in the morning, yawning as Harry pulled her up to his chest, stroking her hair.

“Yes,” he nodded, lips pressed to the side of her forehead. “Unless you want me to go.”

Because like her wisdom teeth, Harry would never let go.

MASTERLIST

[umnvatra]

About Zhongli's state in the game right now..

I just want to vent(?) and let out my thoughts about this whole ordeal as a Zhongli simp. Take note that if you are someone who has Zhongli or wants Zhongli/is planning to roll for Zhongli and wants to read this post, be prepared. Because as much as i hate to say it, this one is gonna be harsh. I wish it wasn't, but the truth really hurts and is also something that i struggled to accept sjdjdjchsk

Ngl i'm probably going to get hands thrown at me because of this post but i really, really want to vent about what Mihoyo did to his character. This week has been a roller coaster when it comes to Zhongli. From being super excited for his release, being elated getting him, to being absolutely devastated at all the comments and information that had come out prior to his release.

Basically, as a 5*, Zhongli is very underpowered and underwhelming. This is something i hadn't noticed myself because my Zhongli still didn't have a proper build and weapon yet, but when i did, i felt my own happiness plummet at the weight of the reality.

I don't care if he is strong as a support or a dps, and no i don't want him to necessarily be good at being dps. But this will include a lot of stuff regarding damage because he is a five star with nuking potential. It's also this way because he is THAT underpowered. Even having him be a very good support would be a blessing, but as it goes, he is not.

First it was the comments in Youtube videos, arguing with each other about how bad/good he was. Those comments made me question a lot of things. But i felt absolutely crushed when Jinx and Tuner uploaded their stream of their Zhongli and Xinyan testing.

For those that don't know, Jinx and Tuner run a youtube channel where they test many things in Genshin and provide objective information about them based on the results of their testing. When i saw how incredibly disappointed and frustrated they were with Zhongli, i felt really, really sad. After all, they provide maths. Not only are they one of the genshin youtubers that i trust but they also study characters closely and tell you if a particular 5 star character is worth pulling for or not. And you guessed it, they concluded that Zhongli was NOT worth pulling for as a five star character because he is so heavily underpowered.

Then there comes the arguements presented.

Majority of people thought that Zhongli was going to be more of a support character rather than dps, and i could see why, but ironically he has more potential as a phys carry. And this information comes from the testing that Jinx and Tuner made.

However

Xiangling is still a better physical carry than Zhongli especially when you take into account the abilities she can use while attacking. Zhongli's pillar has questionable energy recharge generation, something that i too had noticed. Every tick of the pillar does NOT guarantee an energy, and it drove me crazy. Meanwhile you have Xiangling who can easily bring out energy with Guoba if she so wanted.

And you need C6 Zhongli in order for him to heal like Noelle too by the way. And Noelle is a 4* that is guaranteed on your first time playing the game. 👁

Zhongli's shield is good for sure, but then you have Noelle who can shield + heal. In terms of stuff being done, Noelle's is better. Zhongli's shield is strong yes, but it can STILL disappear after one or two hits from enemies (at least from our experience in higher AR. I have no idea if the same applies to lower AR).

Now for his meteor. Yes, his meteor is good. Not only is it spammable, but it deals great damage as well. BUT THEN you have Ningguang who can be a better burst spam and possibly deal more damage than his could do (remember, Ning has a lot of jades that could each deal 1k if built properly). The duration for petrification is 3 seconds too, which, a lot of people argue isn't enough time (personally, i have no problem with this since i do not mind it much). And apparently his meteor got nerfed because it does not increase geo damage and phys damage as it used to in the beta testing with petrification.

How about his ability in being able to break shields by holding E? Truth be told, i expected that he was going to be able to explode all shields in one go, but it does not work for every one of them apparently. Shields by hilichurls do break with just one E hold. But the ones by Mitachurls don't. I also tried breaking the Geo Hypostasis's pillar using his E hold and it did not break immediately. This could differ however. 👁 I'm still not sure if its because i have not properly built him right for breaking them or not. And about Stonehide Lawachurls... it's the same as the Geo Hypostasis pillar. The geo shield does not break immediately.

I'm not saying all this because i am mad at Zhongli. Rather, i am disappointed at what Mihoyo did to him. I am absolutely happy to get Zhongli. He is the one character i had been looking forward to for MONTHS. I saved resources in advance for him and even held off on leveling up my current team so i could dump all said resources on him when i get him. I stayed as AR35 for many many weeks because i wanted to level him up properly before ascending my World Rank. I think he is super fun to use especially with his burst and i absolutely adore the animation and when he crosses his arms and does his 'osmanthus tea' monologue at the most random times with his lil hand gestures. Even just listening to his voice while being idle fills me with so much happiness. There is so much joy in getting him. Which is why i am very disappointed at Mihoyo for how they butchered his character.

After Jinx and Tuner made their video about the results of their testing with Zhongli, i was genuinely saddened but i gradually came to accept the truth. It sucks, it hurts, but it is the truth. Even they said that they wanted Zhongli to be a GOOD character, but he is just insanely underpowered right now. You can invest resources into him and make him work, but compared to 4* and the other 5*, it takes so much effort. To make him decent, you'd have to level his stuff up so much but that also applies to four star characters and they perform better than him. Husbando > meta yes, but i gotta say that it still stings when my underleveled Xiangling and Fischl could do a much better job being a dps and support respectively than him when he's many levels above them.

Which brings me to the main point of this post.

Why was Mihoyo scared of making him strong? OP? Why did they nerf him so much? He is a 5* character Mihoyo, make him be STRONG at something. It's why he's a five star. But no. They watered him down so much to the point where even four star characters can do his own job better than him. His pillar doesn't even deal damage upon being destroyed just like Geo MC's. The range of his pillar's resonance is too small, and given the fact that his auto attacks can push enemies (except for the bigger ones of) or can be easily walked out of range to is 👁👄👁

And it deals criminally low damage. Like, why? Why not rack up the numbers? What is the problem????

The more i think about it, the more i can see the points that people have been pointing out. If the issue of energy generation with his pillar is RNG based, then that's simply screwed up. It already adds into the lists of problems that doesn't help with how underpowered he is. And as i am writing this post rn, there are lots and lots of Chinese players enraged about how weak he is as a 5* and causing HUGE fights in forums. People in the genshin subreddit had been debating again and again over heated arguements about his abilities. Even if you visit the genshin subreddit today and check every post about Zhongli, you will see people in the comments mention stuff about how he performs in the game and his abilities.

Mihoyo, give him a buff. I know that giving buffs isn't your thing, but there is honestly thousands and thousands of people expressing their disappointment and anger in how weak you've made him. He is a fan favorite. I love him. Majority of the genshin fanbase do. His character is really good and it hecking sucks that he is having major difficulties in fitting in on the game right now. He deserves better. Make him strong. Buff him. Adjust some of his abilities. Literally give. our. geo. dad. justice.

Those who don't care about damage is probably rolling their eyes at my rant rn but given how objectively weak he is compared to the other characters in game, it won't hurt if he gets a buff.

When the survey for Zhongli and Xinyan comes, rate him low. I know. It sucks. It's despicable. Even i hate it. But that is why we have to do it. If we become honest to Mihoyo about how much weak they made him, then maybe they are going to consider buffing or adjusting his abilities.

I'm sorry for the negative post. There is still hope for geo dad. He is incredibly fun to use but if you are debating on whether to pull for him or not, my answer would be

If you absolutely love him as a character, go for it.

Otherwise, just wait for now. Because his state in the game isn't looking so good at the moment.

For those that already have him and are also disappointed or saddened by what happened, take comfort in knowing that tons of people are still using Zhongli (including me who went through such roller coaster of emotions lmaoaoaoa) regardless of the information that he is behind in terms of being a dps and support. And that there is still hope for him (WAIT FOR THE SURVEY AND RATE HIM LOW YO 😭😭😭 IT WON'T GUARANTEE THAT MIHOYO IS GONNA BUFF HIM BUT WITH ALL THE PEOPLE RAGING RN THERE IS A HIGH POSSIBILITY THAT THEY WILL LOL)

Have some goofy screenshots that i took while playing as Schlongli

[goldafterglow]

You are RIGHT to hate it. What the fuck was that? Like, isn't it illegal to write a beautiful love story full of yearning and softness that when you are almost touching full on admitted intimacy you rip it away from us and just end the fucking thing?? If it isn't illegal, it should be.

Listen, I'm having a rough fucking week (I am painfully aware it's only Wednesday, no need to remind me) and I came here like "oh, one of my fave writers has posted a story with one of my fave characters. I'm really excited to read it and I hope it'll be comforting and hope it'll cheer me up". (Spoiler: I still loved it even if it hurt me)

Because IT HAD EVERYTHING I LOVE. Stupid yearning, insecurity over the unestablished boundaries of a relationship, characters being so in love with each other it hurts... And it was so beautiful! When lit teachers say "literature is the art of creating beauty with words" they're speaking specifically about you! I adored all of Din's internal monologue and parts of it almost made me cry (in my defense(?), I've been on the verge of tears the whole day). AND THEN YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE AND YOU WRITE "yeah, you can't". HOW MOTHERFUCKING DARE YOU? I'm not asking you to break his creed (God knows I'd rather read fic where he doesn't break it/waits a long time [until marriage] to do so). BUT, a blindfold couldn't have hurt! Or turned off lights! Or a simple "I want that too". Come on Iris, do you get off by making me suffer??

Now, all bullying/joking aside, and because I don't want you to think I genuinely hated it, I'm just going to say that it was a truly beautiful fic (I honestly can't think of a better word to describe it) and that it made me feel more than I thought a fic could. This was my face reading it: 😍😊🥺🥺🥺😭😭. Anyways, you should feel very proud of yourself. I will, however, be suing you for emotional damages. Have a nice day! ~ 🍪

OH BABY I DID HAVE A NICE DAY WHEN I READ THIS

It’s old and I’m really really sorry about the late replies to asks, I’m just not on my shit these days. BUT I AM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT YOU MENACE. I’m sorry about breaking your heart, I didn’t really think it’s hurt that bad to read but I suppose underestimated myself😭

[amstories]

April Fools Day | Part III

Kung mapapansin niyo dito, mas mahaba na rin ito. Mas nabigyan ko na rin ng character si April. Less cringe fest na compared dun sa previous parts. Ang cringey lang para sa akin dito ay yung Valedictorian speech eh.

Dahil nga konti lang yung cringey parts, konti lang din yung notes ko dito. Hehe. Konti lang din yung difference sa revised version. Anyway, here you go!

Click the Keep reading button to read the unedited version. If you want to read the revised version, click here.

March 31, 2015 Pagkapasok ko sa kwarto ko, bumungad sa akin ang puting toga ko. Hindi ko akalaing graduation na namin bukas. Sumakto pa sa April Fools' Day, ang galing! (Note the sarcasm there.)

If you read my stories, mapapansin niyo madalas akong gumagamit ng parentheses sa narrations ko. Nakuha ko 'yan kay Ate Leng. This was one of the ways I tried different writing styles.

Simula last year, April Fools' Day na ang pinakakinamumuhian kong event. At simula last year, si Jo na rin ang pinakakinamumuhian kong tao. April 1st, year 2014, ang huling araw na kinausap ko siya. Well, he tried to apologize. But no, too much damage has been done. I'm through with his jokes. Nasa bed na ako when my phone rang. I was surprised that I saw his name on my phone. He did everything para suyuin ako but not through a phone call. Hindi kasi siya tumatawag dahil daw sayang sa load. Huling kita ko sa contacts niya, family lang ang nandun. Then, some of his friends. Mga walo lang yata 'yun. So that time, I gave him my number para naman medyo humaba 'yung listahan ng contacts niya. Kawawa naman. So this is the first time that he called me ever. And my phone is giving me two options: to answer or to not? Uh, I hate this!

I also learned how to maximize narrations to tell a story. Thanks to the stories I've read, natutong mag-monologue si April.

And because I am impulsive, I answered the call. "Hello?" Oh my. "April?" Jo. "April." For once, not my name. Baka mapatawad kita bigla!!! "So I guess, ayaw mo talaga akong kausapin ever again." And his monologue began. "Hey, April. I miss you, so much. So you know, I am really sorry. Sorry if I hurt you for the past two years with a joke. But for the nth time, I am not playing jokes with you. I like you. Shoot, I think I'm in love with you. Oh, I hate staying up late. Good night. Anyway, congratulations, ninth honors!" Okay fine! I missed him.

Kung mapapansin niyo rin, ngayon lang ako nagsimula sa March 31 instead of April 1 agad. Here, I took the time seriously so that it could be believable somehow.

April 1, 2015 "April! Nako naman, anak! Bilis-bilisan mo naman d'yan." sigaw ni mama. "Sandali lang, 'ma! 'Yung toga ko." sigaw ko pabalik. So yeah. Graduation day, way to go! xxx Through the event, ang pinakainiiwasan kong mangyari ay mapalapit sa kanya. Thank God at malapit nang matapos 'to. Valedictiorian Speech na kasi after this. At sa pag-akyat ni Ms. Valedictorian, everyone got mixed emotions. "High school. This has been the greatest roller coaster ride I've ever rode on." And her speech continues. "And to that one ship-slash-OTP that our batch had, stop playing jokes already, okay? To the guy, man up, will you?! And to the girl, c'mon! You know jokes? Sometimes, they're not meant. Sometimes, they're half meant. But you know what, jokes? They're often really meant." Tell me, is that a Valedictorian Speech?

Teka, natatawa ako sa valedictorian speech! HAHAHAHA. Walang matinong valedictorian ang magsasabi ng ganito sa speech niya. Patawarin niyo ako dahil hindi ko alam kung saan isisingit yung statement ni ateng valedictorian.

Anyway, that's it for today! See you again next week.

[sunsetsover]

I'm having a really bad time right now, I'm all alone and can't talk to anyone in real life. But you seem kind. Do you have any advice or wisdom?

angel 🥺️🥺️ i’m sorry you’re having a tough time right now and you’ve got no one to talk to, but i’m glad you felt as though you could come to me 💖💖

when i’m having a bad time i always do my best to distract myself from whatever’s going on. it’s not always easy and perhaps it’s not the healthiest of coping mechanisms but i basically detach from reality as much as possible. this can be watching a film/tv show/yt vids or listening to music or reading a book or playing a game (obviously nothing sad, and this depends on your energy levels! don’t force yourself to do smth if you don’t want too lmao) like atm my thing is basically curling up into a ball in my bed and watching true crime documentaries while playing really shitty mobile games (bc it’s just a personal thing but when i’m having a bad time mentally i like to be like… almost on the verge of overstimulation?? like my eyes and ears and distracted by what i’m watching but my mind can’t wonder bc i also have to sort of concentrate on the game i’m playing, which is also distracting my hands. this is literally just a personal thing and might not work for you but i thought i would offer an explanation anyway lmao). like basically just keeping my brain busy/distracted is basically how i try to deal with bad moods n stuff.

i also never underestimate the power of allowing yourself to just feel how you feel, u know? like i experience things differently bc i have a personality disorder and dealing with emotions is just Different for me compared to most people, but sometimes just crying when you need to cry works wonders, you know? or having a day (or even just 5 minutes) where you’re like ‘ok today i’m gonna allow myself to be sad/angry/upset but tomorrow i’m not allowed to wallow anymore’. but i also wanna say that this is sometimes the opposite of helpful and sometimes a difficult thing to navigate like it took me a while to know when i needed to let my emotions be felt and when i had to be like ‘no lauren dwelling on this isn’t gonna help you’ and even then it’s still hard so be careful!! you know yourself best and if you think indulging in your emotions is going to hurt rather than help, then just don’t do it !! try to distract yourself instead!! (that said i do still maintain that sometimes just sobbing your heart out can make you feel way better emotionally, but again that might just be me)

it’s all about trying stuff and figuring out what is going to make you feel better. sometimes the cliche ‘self care’ stuff like having a hot bath and changing the bed sheets puts me in a way better frame of mind, other times i literally do not have the mental capacity to do that. i do always love having the window open to let some fresh air in, even when it’s cold out. you could try writing how you feel down? that’s not something i do, but i know some people do find that helpful. try to get some sleep (i really struggle with my sleeping, esp when i feel like shit, but i find having something mindless on in the background (my personal faves are the late night teleshopping programmes and food network lmao) can help me fall asleep bc i turn the volume down low and it’s like bc i’m listening to that i’m not listening to my own thoughts. OR - and i know this sounds bizarre - but guided meditations. i don’t use them often but 9/10 times they really do help me fall asleep. the only ones i use are by the honest guys on youtube!). maybe going out and getting out of your own head?? even if you just walk around like a shopping centre or smth?? or in a park?? 

basically my default (healthy-ish) coping mechanism is to do brainless stuff so i don’t have to Think. i don’t wanna think abt why im upset i don’t wanna think abt what caused it i don’t wanna think abt making myself feel better i just wanna turn my brain off and i do that by basically keeping all of my senses as distracted as possible. but if there’s anything you think might help you in any way, then just try it. (providing it’s not dangerous or damaging of course) if it doesn’t help, then it doesn’t help. sometimes certain things will help sometimes and not others. brains and emotions are weird and trying to deal with them is like trying to herd cats sometimes but !!! you’ll figure it out. i have faith in u :-)

and if there is a specific situation or circumstance that is upsetting you, then just try your best not to internalize any of whatever’s going on. like i know that’s vague and i’m sorry i can’t be more specific but just remember that external circumstances are very rarely in your control and so try not to internalize any sadness or anger you might be feeling towards things or people that aren’t in your control. and if u wanna come and talk abt it or want more specific advice then my ask and my dms are always open!!!

also lastly just be kind to yourself… like i know being sad can be frustrating and sometimes ur internal monologue can be so cruel but you have to try your hardest (and i mean hardest bc it’s not easy at ALL) to be kind and understanding of yourself. don’t get angry or resentful of yourself for however you’re feeling. try, at the very least, to be indifferent abt it. like ‘ok i’m going through a bad time. ok i’m struggling rn. ok. it is what it is. very often you can’t change that. so let me try to deal with it as best as i can. let me be patient with myself. let me give myself time. and then i will get up, even if i don’t want to, and i will keep going forward, even if it’s on my hands and knees.’ that’s the attitude i’ve found most helpful. all these daily affirmations and positive attitudes are nice in theory and i’m sure they help some people (they might even help you!) but for me they’re useless. like i try my hardest to be kind and patient w myself, but sometimes i settle for just apathy. and sometimes i need to be firm instead, u know? and if smth doesn’t work in helping me feel less shitty, i just try something else (although i’ll be honest! all of this sounds so nice on paper but it’s not that easy in real life! none of what i’m saying is easy! it’s difficult and it’s taken me YEARS to figure out what helps me when my mental health is playing up so it might take you a little while too!)

i hope things are a little bit easier for you from now on, anon. i hope your bad time passes as quickly as it possibly can, and even if it doesn’t i hope that you can find some ways to help yourself cope/cheer yourself up so you start to feel better soon. and i’m always here if you wanna talk about stuff!! anything!!! use me as ur distraction if you want!!!! 

but ily remember to go easy on yourself and stay safe and i’m sure you’ll get through this rough patch i have faith in you 💖💖💖