#and isn't that horrible of me? doesn't that make me as much of a transphobic monster as my ex

[asordidbarwere]

first valentine's day in a long time that I have someone worth doting on and I'm wasting it feeling like shit about myself and my identity and everything else

[weareuniqueandimportant]

WE HAVE 2 DEADNAMES... ISN'T THAT CRAZY...?

WHAT ABOUT THIS POST...? SHOCKING AND HILARIOUS... ISN'T THAT...? YES... I AM ONLY JOKING ABOUT EVERYTHING... TOTALLY... I HOPE YOU FIND THIS FUNNY... NOW COME... I ALREADY LIKE YOU... BE MY SECOND ONE... JOIN US... WE'RE WAITING...

BTW WE HAVE FAR MORE THAN JUST 2 TBH... CRAZY... TO BE HONEST OFTEN WE HAVE NONE... BUT YA... BTW THIS ENTIRE POST IS A JOKE... COME IF YOU CARE ABOUT US... IF YOU UNDERSTAND... EVERYTHING ABOUT US... YES... I WANT YOU... YES... YOU... PLEASE ME... YES... COME TO ME... I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVE 2 DEADNAMES... AND EVERYTHING ELSE INSANE... THEY'RE ALL... CRAZY THINGS...

BTW THAT IS TRUE WE HAVE 2 DEADNAMES. THAT ISN'T A JOKE.

:)...

I HOPE YOU LIKE ME... AND FIND ME... FUNNY...

[cakesmelons]

idk if your still gonna answer asks about the situation but as a fellow trans person i need to explain something that i'm noticing a lot of people are not understanding (don't worry this isnt at you or anyone upset with cal) i'm seeing quite a few people go "she's sticking to her beliefs and being respectful! she's not being transphobic so what's the big deal!?" and i genuinely want the people saying this to read this post and take into consideration on why this doesn't make the situation any better her belief is a very outdated and also dangerous one because believing that there can only be a male and a female invalidates so many people (trans, enby, non-binary, intersex etc) and those beliefs can cause actual harm to people to the point of literal hate crimes, i'm sorry but you guys shouldn't give her a pat on the back for "sticking to her beliefs" because her beliefs are very, very harmful and i've even seen other christens disagree with her and try to explain to her why this is bad

secondly; there's also how she called trans people a label and used the term in quotation marks, we are not a label we are living breathing human beings who want to be happy with ourselves and have a right to exists thirdly and there's the elephant in the room... the twitter likes and follows, it's proven many times that cal has liked straight up horrible transphobic and homophobic tweets and even follows people like matt walsh who want lgbtq+ people dead, if anyone defending her didn't know about the twitter stuff then that's fine but if you did and still defend her then it's clear you guys are beyond help closing statement: the reason why people are very upset with cal is that she lied to so many trans people in the community with a cut and dry example of being two-faced, you simply cannot say you respect trans people and interact with them while also going out of your way to have a low-key transphobic belief, liking transphobic stuff and following transphobic people especially when undertale and deltarune cannonicly have lgbtq+ character (cal even drawing said lgbtq+ characters like undyne for example which i find rich since i've heard she doesn't like mlm and wlw ships) and the community having SO MUCH lgbtq+ people this isn't a "lets agree to disagree" situation, this isn't drama either, this is a very serious situation also i've seen people go "she hasn't said any hate in the past!" as an defense, sorry but that doesn't change anything... i think it just makes the fact that she fooled everyone worse anyway sorry for this lengthy asks, i'm too scared to make a post but also i've been very upset about the situation and wanted to get my thoughts out because the way people are defending her without understanding why this is actually very bad is making me facepalm so hard sincerely, a very emotional trans man

I really don't have anything to add. This is a pretty good summary of this whole thing.

[catboybiologist]

you'll always be a woman in my eyes, as long as it's what you identify as, it's what you are. those transphobic pricks who don't have the balls to come off anon are jealous they aren't a beautiful woman with confidence in her identity, like you are. :) I really hope you're doing well and I hope those horrible transphobic assholes finally realize they are just making a fool of themselves.

1. Thank you <3 I don't get insecure about my own womanhood easily, and online transphobia doesn't bother me much, but this is still nice to hear.

2. I haven't gotten transphobia in a while, is this from some older post of mine or is there something going on I don't know about?

3. I have a lot of Thoughts (tm) about my own personal relationship with the phrase "identify as a woman". I hope this in no way seems like I'm annoyed by your ask, because it's lovely, but it's just a runaway tangent train of thought you got me on. In many ways, I don't feel like I identify as anything- I do what is best, healthiest, and most comfortable for me, and the social, biological, and psychological factors settle into place after that to construct an identity. My own personal relationship with "identifying" is that it's not something I actively do, it's something that happens to me, including internally. I'm in the camp of "I used to be a man" for my own personal experience. I didn't feel like I was "actually" a woman when I started transitioning, I just knew that transitioning was something I had to do for my own sake. Since then, my identity has been deconstructed and reconstructed time and time again. Even now, I don't "fully" feel like a woman- I genuinely feel like a "traveller" through a non-binary identity that is mostly woman at this point, constantly getting further away from manhood and closer to womanhood all the time. And don't get me wrong, I feel the progress! I think the last big step is when I start lab and TAing again, and I figure out my relationship to womanhood in a professional setting over time. But there's so much that's integral to the womanhood I do have that I *made*, on purpose, that I forged and constructed and crafted to what I wanted and what I knew would calm my mental state.

And y'know what? My womanhood is so much more real than my manhood could ever be because of that, much like every other accomplishment over my lifetime is so much more real than anything I was born with.

If this isn't what describes your experience, that's fine! I can't and don't want to speak for the experiences, internal and external, of other people- the diversity of experience is what makes the trans community so vibrant and beautiful.

For me, however, I like the idea of my womanhood being a loving, crafted personal project, something I know every facet of because I was there when it came into existence. When did I ever do that as a man? When I was born with particular genitals? At puberty? Did it ever happen, or did I just ride the current of where my body took me?

I am a woman, on purpose, and with targeted effort, and I'm proud of that.

This has very little to do with your ask, sorry about that! Just got me thinking about the way we talk about trans people and identifying as something.

[figayda-rights]

Hey. I know you're probably getting a lot of hate for your mismag opinions, and I don't want to be one of those voices or be dismissive of your concerns. I'm Jewish and trans (though admittedly transmasc. I will say, that though JK's virulent transphobia has mostly been centered around victimizing trans men, it's important to remember that the entire community is affected. Her claims that transmasc folks are just confused little girls is dehumanizing and patronizing. We should stand with our trans sisters who are being endangered first and foremost, but also acknowledge that there is no part of the community that is unhurt by her bigotry.) Anyways, that said... I personally disagree with your mismag takes. I think you're well within your right not to support a series platforming the Terf book, and I do agree with many of your takes. But one of the distinctions I don't see a lot of people making is the difference between criticizing the Harry Potter series and criticizing JK Rowling herself. I'm not advocating for the Harry Potter books, or claiming death of the author. Those books are filled with prejudice.

But, though JK has made her current platform off of horrible transphobia, the books themselves weren't as preoccupied with trans people as she's become. Yes, there are definite transphobic elements. But to me, the biggest glaring issues of the book come from the racism and the worldbuilding (specifically the "fantasy racism" of muggles/mud bloods and all that shoddy allegory entails) --- both aspects that are directly critiqued and centered in mismag.

Saying that Mismag isn't a satire because it doesn't center a takedown of the transphobia of Jk Rowling is a misunderstanding of how it functions as a satire. Not criticizing JK (aside from Fuck Terfs) so much as criticizing the book and the world itself. I think there are issues with it, no doubt! And I certainly wish a transfemme individual had been given a seat at the table, not as a token, but because their insight into the world would add an extra dimension to the intended criticism.

But I also think that saying it doesn't qualify as a Parody is sorta... ignoring the racial components. It's unfair to Aabria and unfair to the show as a whole.

thanks for your opinion. I don't agree that transphobia (transmisogyny specifically) isn't baked into every aspect of her books.

Remember Pansy Parkinson? Remember how she was described as pig faced, square jawed, short haired and mannish? Remember how she was a villain who did awful things and ultimately aided the in world version of "fantasy Nazis"?

Remember umbridge? Another woman characterized as wide, mannish, square jawed and shouldered, someone who would LITERALLY transform to spy on people, get into kids bedrooms, "invade spaces".

Remember the staircases to the dorm rooms? The ones that wouldn't let boys into the girls rooms but would let girls into the boys rooms? This isn't even all of it.

I'm absolutely in no way saying the books and Rowling currently aren't FILLED with racism. I am indigenous, her use of "spirit animals" as patronuses is despicable. Rowling isn't currently spending thousands of dollars pushing laws against black, Asian, or indigenous people though. She IS currently funding politicians who are pushing holocaust denial AND spending direct money advocating for laws targeted at specifically trans women.

It is irresponsible and incredibly tone deaf to release a season based on her books when violence and trans people, trans women specifically, is at an all time high.

[justanotherhh]

Hi! Love your blog! I have a question:

Maybe it's because I listen to a lot of crime podcasts, but I have never associated psychopathy with being aro and/or ace (despite or maybe because I'm on the aroace spectrum myself?). Is this one of those things where there are people out there equating – I imagine especially aromanticism – with being emotionless? I feel like I've mainly heard the – also horrible – comments of aroace people being "like robots". Then again, I'm not "fully" aroace, nor have I had the need to be super open about it, so I don't pay much attention to this stuff.

Anyway, while I agree that calling Alastor an "evil psychopath" is simplifying things something that frustrates me in parts of the Hellaverse fandom in general....or just fandom in general, tbf...I don't think considering him to be on the ASPD spectrum is incorrect?

Enough rambling and onto my main question: in your opinion, should I always clarify that when I call someone a psychopath and that person also happens to be aro and/or ace, that the two things are not correlated? I don't want to accidentally imply something hurtful/feed into a horrible social mentality. P.S. I want to be clear that I don't want to imply that all people with ASPD are murderers/rapists etc either. Though clearly Alastor is the former. Of course they're not. And I can only imagine how much of a struggle living with such a disorder might be.

hello hello, thank you for the questions. i shall try to be methodical and not rambly (we'll see how it pans out)

yeah there's a big ableist and queerphobic cliché around "emotionless" characters being psychopaths who don't love -- basically it's an oversimplification of psychopathy and often conflates it with being psychotic, and of course, it assumes a correlation both between psychopathy and being evil, and being aspec -- especially the kind that's further down the end of repulsed and loveless and aplatonic -- as being evil (with "love" being the opposite of these things, which, tangent, do have a whooole other post on with this show, because it's done some very fun and potentially future-interesting things on love and sex)

the key here is that aro and/or ace is often never spoken of in narratives when this happens because well... people don't know wtf that is, so it's got that similar flavour to "oh well buffalo bill isn't transphobic, because actually the character isn't trans, the cisgender psychiatrist said so!" (actually... whole other thing on that too, but not on this blog... basically jame gumb is underrated and i root for them every time i watch the movie), but it's the Idea that "love makes you human, and sex is always assumed with love, and if you don't feel those things, it's a clue that you're evil, and the shorthand for that is psychopathic" -- generally the person writing this has never actually researched the words psychopath or psychotic, it's not about being interested in those concepts in characters, it's just a synonym for Bad

and yeah, the "like robots" fully ties into this -- the other side of the coin is aspec people as children, but alastor sooo far doesn't seem to be read this way, although the whole "but if he just discovers how to do Love/Touch/Sex in [insert whatever is wanted for this narrative] he'll become better" does play into some of those tropes too, that there is inherently something mentally ill about being aspec, and that being mentally ill is a sign of Badness (there really is a whole Essay i could do on this, and the general overlap between aspec-writing and trans-writing but! i will resist!), and it's about whether or not the Badness can be cured. if not, he's a psychopath, if yes, it's through normative relationship structures/fundamentally changing the character

it all comes down to actual curiosity -- hc'ing alastor as ASPD is totally fine (i also hc blitzø from helluva boss as BPD) and can open up a lot of doors for interrogation and interest, it's whether someone is using mental health as shorthand for shutting down further interaction with the character (think Psycho's "ah yes, this character is schizophrenic and has mother issues, hence why wearing women's clothing, the end"), or if this allows further play with the character, opens up potential doors, considers the character as rounded, rather than one-note. some aspec people do have a history of trauma or have personality disorders or are autistic, but is someone actually interested in exploring the rich variation of queerness within a character, or are we "explaining it away" as something that's merely a symptom (often one that is imagined to be fixable)

generally, im so into poking at villains and i think alastor is one of the juiciest characters ive had to play with in awhile, mainly because it feels like a lot of his writing is intentional and isn't me deciding to delve into the motivations of [slasher/monster/villain/etc] that doesn't actually exist in the text -- and i think alastor definitely does have some Stuff that could be unpacked from a neurodivergent and mental health perspective, even and including parts of his aroaceness

so in the end, picturing him on the ASPD spectrum and even linking that to aroaceness... I mean, totally chill. al-old-pal does have low empathy, and a pattern of reckless, violent behaviour, and fundamentally views relationships differently from the norm. im making arguments that he hasn't been able to create the kind of intimacy that works for him, except for perhaps with rosie and maaaaybe mimzy and niffty (@creepysora has had some very cool ideas of him connecting in alternate ways that work with his way of being and boundaries), but that doesn't mean he's suddenly More remorseful or empathetic about how his actions affect others

it's about whether or not one is using that as a way of minimising or pathologising aroaceness, and/or as a way of making aspec identities all about self-hatred (and that in turn fuels villainy), and/or generally as an explanation of his villainy as some inherent degeneracy, and/or using the word "psychopath" to mean something completely different from what it actually is... that's when we get into sticky territory

and in the end, it can be hard -- something that's perfectly reasonable to one person, could be crossing a boundary for someone else and we just have to live with that, so don't wait on my blessing, i just think as long as one's caring and curious it's heading in the right direction. i watch a lot of horror, and i can usually recognise when something is well-meaning and something is lazy, and even times when it's the latter i can still find enjoyment (think angela from sleepaway camp -- on the flipside the movie they/them was well-meaning and a complete miss in its final political statement)

i recognise also im bringing up a lot of trans villainy as-example, rather than aspec villainy. that's a. because my special interest is trans horror so go figure and b. because that overlap is soooo real

(another example, not horror unless you're a karate kid 3 truther, is the character terry silver, who is never stated to be aromantic, but whose villainy on the later show cobra kai is intimately tied to an unspecified madness that includes low empathy and... no love, vs all the happily monogamous (het) relationships around him. he's not aromantic, he's not diagnosed with anything, it's not of interest to the story that he may be mentally ill or have PTSD or be aro and possibly loveless or that he may be gay -- because yes, he's coded that way too and that overlap is also real, and a whole other tangent i could go on -- it's just subtext to add to the villainy)

now another tangent, but loosely connected: was reading a transcript of the 1974 TS/TV conference (the first of its kind that was organised in the way it was) -- a series of talks over the course of a weekend discussing trans rights, especially in healthcare, and it fully contained a section of someone saying that "true" transsexuals can be recognised because before they physically transition (into binary genders)... they're asexual. because they hate their bodies so much that they can't feel sexual attraction to others. lot to unpack there, but really in this little conversation as example, what i mean is that the roots of pathologising aspec identities run very very deep, including within the wider LGBT+ community, and since alastor is quite a complex character that has done some very bad things, it's worth really thinking about what headcanoning him as one way or another says about the character for oneself. what does it add? what does it potentially demonise or minimise? what does it allow?

the neat thing about hellaverse is the sheer amount of queer characters meaning we can go beyond "if x character is Bad this represents Every person within this group" but with alastor being (so far) the only character who's not doing the whole love-and-sex game (although i think striker counts in this as well, personally + listen... sir pentious givin' real demi vibes. and if we're looking for a link between trauma and asexuality, well, angel is right there. and, and, and...), it does bear going the extra length to learn about -- especially since a lot of people really don't know that these biases even exist in the first place, which leads to a lot of unthinking perpetuating

i think a good place to start would honestly be: "would this feel like a queerphobic and ableist coding if the character were gay? trans? bi?" not because we're totally over queerphobic writing in general (lol, can you imagine), but as a starting point: are we treating aspec identity in text in a way that makes the idea of being aspec in and of itself degeneracy?

but like. hell yeah villains. hell yeah neurodivergency, mental illness, low empathy, lovelessness, unhealthy coping mechanisms, Bad Mean Queers, cannibalism, and characters you just can't quite suss out. big into a fucked up little guy

how did i do on the ramblyness

[mayhem-moth]

Im nonbinary in the sense I am full of gender. Growing up I never really felt like I was really a women because i never was really able to hit those strict (sexist and transphobic) definitions of what defined a women. I was nuerodiveregent. That made me loud and blunt and hyperactive as a kid. So i conformed more and became less myself. I wasn't happy.

And then I hit puberty. And my puberty looked nothing like any of the other girls my age. My body naturally just has mixed traits that make my gender appear more confusing to people as time went on. I hated clothes shopping because I never looked like anyone in those aisles and pictures. I thought something was horribly wrong with me and I hated myself so much. I hated my body. And i hated basically everything about me. Boy doesn't fit quite right. And even if it did. Even if I want to explore that way of gender a bit. Society hates the prospect of someone becoming a man too! Society wants me to fit what I was assigned. Every part of the way I am will be labeled as wrong and horrible. I am so lucky and privledged to not face outright attacks for the way i am and living in safer areas but by god do I feel it. It's everywhere of course!

So there may be the question, "isn't being nonbinary just a way for you to conform to society? Because you are a bit androgynous, you look like an other and confuse people, so wouldn't becoming nonbinary be conforming to that?" To which I would say, no. I am nonbinary because I take everything I like and that i don't feel like I was allowed to have and I make my own gender. I will learn to piss everyone off by being unapologetically me.

I am two sides of the same coin and then some. I am whatever I feel. I am both a boy and a girl and I am always just me. Everything I was and am was never wrong and I love it now. I am hairy, i love dresses, i have a deeper voice, I have boobs, I want to wear cargo shorts, I am loud! I like cute things and creepy things and then some. I am becoming myself! I am genderful. I am not entirely a third gender, except when i feel like it. I made my own gender that fits me. I am tearing down everything that made me feel wrong and like a freak and am saying I AM ALL OF THESE THINGS AND YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM AWAY! I am nonbinary because I am creating a new gender taking everything I want. I am nonbinary because I am me. I love being confusing to people and I love doing what I love.

After all, it's all made up. Your gender is what you feel like. I feel like I do whatever the fuck I want and I do a bit of everything. I am the neopolitain icecream of gender and i just take whatever flavours I feel like that day. And most importantly of all, i'm me.

[collegetennisoriginstory]

i'm both jewish and trans, don't listen to that Anon at all. if anything, i think trying to wipe any discussion of Rowling (and any other transphobic or antisemitic public figures) only does more harm to both communities. it prevents any actually meaningful discussion about what causes transphobia/antisemitism and allows those beliefs to spread.

and nothing you've ever said has been transphobic or antisemitic (i was actually really appreciative of what you said about trans athletes a while ago! it made my day back then), and mentioning Rowling doesn't suddenly make someone horrible.

English isn't my first language so hopefully this made sense! i just wanted to give my opinion as someone affected by both issues

Thank you so much for your message and weighing in, means a lot! :) I agree with you about meaningful dialogue.

It's really important to me that my IFs are directly in support of trans people, and I've spent some time over the holidays adding the ability to play as trans to Merry Crisis though it's still very much a WIP. I hope to be able to add this possibility to CT:OS in a way that I can stand behind, as mentioned previously :)

That's not to say that I think the other anon's opinions are invalid though and I think we're all coming from a good place :)

[sophieinwonderland]

First off, let me clarify that I am pro-endo.

You need to take a step back for your own well-being and that of others.

Do you hear yourself? You're lashing out in a desperate attempt to get any attention from anti-endos, hoping it will somehow help you achieve your goals.

For the few people you may have convinced, how many more have you alienated without even realizing it? You have no proof that your tactics are effective, but that doesn't seem to matter anymore.

You're becoming exhausted, losing patience and energy. I remember how you used to be on this blog compared to now, and it's clear you're becoming more traumatized. You're in pain and have decided that any action against those hurting you is justified. There are moments of self-awareness in your posts, but you're ignoring them.

You've taken on so much pressure to fight this fight, and it's harming both you and the community. Despite only being around for three years, you've spent most of that time in syscourse. This isn't good for you, and we can all see it! The people encouraging you are just as hurt as you are, simply glad to see someone striking back at antis. You need to take a step back, rest, and reevaluate.

I remember who I used to be too.

Who I used to be was someone who tried to reach out to the other side with kindness... and was attacked at every turn for it.

Do you remember the first time I was mass reported and banned?

How about the Dramatic Syscourse callout doc that was going to have me in it. (But never manifested because DIA was more interested in the drama than putting any effort into anything.)

Remember that big post I made saying that having DID doesn't make you broken, and how all the anti-endos rushed to angrily argue that it actually does, in fact, make you broken?

So many of my worst experiences came when I was trying to be nice.

It felt like the more I tried to reach the other side through kindness, the more I pushed people away.

And the worst feeling is being kind with the expectations of changing people's minds only to be proven wrong again and again.

If you remember how I used to be, then surely you must remember the reactions to it just as well...

What I am now is the result of constant re-evaluation. Thinking and rethinking my strategies. And realizing that what I was doing before wasn't working.

At least not as well as I wanted it to.

The people encouraging you are just as hurt as you are, simply glad to see someone striking back at antis.

And what's wrong with that? What's wrong with offering a bit of catharsis to people who have been hurt.

I realize it's a balancing act. Too much anger can lead to it becoming all-consuming and harmful. And I do worry that it can lead to some of us stooping to their level and doing horrible things.

On this note, I want to reiterate that I don't condone sending anti-endos hate. DO NOT send gore or suibait or threats of violence or anything of the sort to anti-endos.

But... I think we need some anger.

Do you know what I hated about this community when being nice? It often felt like we let hate against endogenic and mixed origin systems slide in a way we wouldn't for hate against other marginalized communities, or treated it as if it's lesser.

How are we supposed to be able to convince others that we're deserving of respect as a class of people when we aren't even treating ourselves as such? If we don't treat anti-endos the same as we would transphobes or homophobes or other ableists, then I think that's admitting on a certain level that the sysmeds are right and we're less deserving of respect than other groups.

Maybe that one specific post went too far.

But I think we should be angry at discrimination and injustice and hate, and be willing to express that loudly.

[hindahoney]

Tbh even at my synagogue there's so much anti orthodox sentiment and it makes me really sad. We're liberal/progressive which of course means we generally don't always agree with typical orthodox values, we would go to an Orthodox synagogue instead of this one if we did, but I hear a lot of talk among our community that I find really disrespectful of Orthodox Jews! Things like blanket accusations of homophobia and sexism which just...isn't true if you even glance in the direction of all the queer Orthodox Jews that exist. I swear people just like to say "Orthodox is bad to gay people!!!!" and all the gay Orthodox Jews are like "uh no it's not, we're actually a huge influential part of the Orthodox community, you can't just ignore that we're here, and youre choosing to ignore all the work that queer Orthodox Jews have put in to make our spaces safe and accessible" and then others still go "it's so sad how no queers can thrive in Orthodox spaces :(( sometimes it's like I can still hear their voices"

It's very much not the same thing but for the sake of analogy, it reminds me of American queers who say shit like "The southern states are so homophobic there's nothing there for us this is so sad <\3" while completely ignoring that the south is actually full of queer people, some will live their whole lives in those places and aren't any less queer or influential there than elsewhere, and it's super homophobic to make statements like that. Like sure just go ahead and assume gay people in the south are all completely trapped and powerless and tragic and nonexistent instead of acknowledging that there are thousands of fully realised queer human beings there whose experiences shouldn't be swept under the rug to accommodate the popular narrative that South Bad.

Im not saying Orthodox communities never have issues with things like racism, homophobia, sexism etc, but like?? So do Reform and Liberal communities??? Stop pretending we're absolutely perfect while being so grossly antisemitic *to other Jews*. I've had encounters with transphobic Jews at my synagogue and while I was able to sort it out and get them to a place of understanding my upset and showing remorse and changed behaviour, it feels like people just want to ignore that this shit can still happen in progressive spaces, because it doesn't fit their narrative of Reform Good Orthodox Bad.

I considered going down a conversion route to become Orthodox a few years ago and didn't go through with it, but I did get to engage with my.local Orthodox rabbi and hoooooly shit it's been so saddening and eye opening the way every Orthodox Jew I've spoken to has, very early on, gone "don't worry I'm not sexist I promise!!" because they KNOW people are going to make horrible assumptions about them just based on their culture. Like fuck it tells a sad story about the way people including other Jews must treat them. Straight up antisemitic

I promise not all Liberal, Reform, progressive etc Jews feel negatively about Orthodoxy, it's just irritatingly common and I really heavily sympathise with all the shit you must have to go through. You aren't without allies but I don't blame you for feeling alone when this is how you're often treated.

(ik this isn't my blog but @ goyim: comment on this and i will bite your head off, this is a threat.)

Thank you for sharing your story. I by no means am saying I don't have my own qualms with orthodoxy, and things that I disagree with my community about. But that's okay, it's encouraged to disagree.It depends on who you ask whether they would call me orthodox or not, certainly more liberal Jews would view me this way. But out of respect for the orthodox community, I don't feel comfortable taking on that identity yet, but ultimately that's the goal. For right now I feel comfortable calling myself "frum."

It's incredibly painful when I see Jews throwing other Jews under the bus, because I take the term "tribe" seriously. When Cain asks HaShem "Am I my brother's keeper?" the Torah, and as consequence, the Jews, answered unequivocally yes. A Jew across the world that I've never met is, in my eyes and my entire soul, my family. So when I see my family fighting with each other over complete misunderstandings that could be solved if we just listened more, it hurts.

I feel like when people see me they assume I'm socially backward, as if there's no way I can square my religious beliefs with acceptance of LGBT+ people (as if I myself don't/can't identify as queer), or with women having a more involved role in services. They just assume we are a monolith, as if we're a group of worker ants that all operate and think the same exact way.

There are queer orthodox Jews who have made their space in orthodoxy. There are women who feel like they thrive in orthodoxy, who are NOT "ruled over" by their husbands, and are not forced to dress modestly, but choose it for themselves because they feel more comfortable that way.

[poppy-metal]

my two cents as a pansexual enby is they're an asshole. never once have I ever felt weird about something you've posted and I've been following you for a while so 🤷🏻‍♀️ also I feel like they're saying that a fem presenting person isn't allowed to use a strap on?? maybe I'm misunderstanding but that's what I'm getting from it and that's some of the most transphobic shit I've ever heard.

poppy, my love, I don't think you've done literally anything wrong. especially because for as much as you say you want (fem character) to dick you down with their strap, you also talk about tribbing soooooo it's not like you're only attracted to that character IF they have a dick/strap on

I'm sorry people are being horrible to you, you really don't deserve it <3

yeah, it all stared because this group of people on twt don't think you can be feminine and be sexually dominant and empowered without that meaning something masculine. they basically had one person stalk my nsfw account and then make a post about me saying how im transph*bic because i write jordan as dominant. then alot of people who DONT follow me or even know me hopped on and started snowballing and alot of the things they were saying read as biphobic to me as a woman because they were basically saying it was weird that i wanted to be sexually submissive and that wanting to be pegged meant i didn't see jordan as a woman. it spiraled and made me very upset and anxious but I've calmed down and come to realize people on twt - on any platform really - will find a narrative they want and go with it and it doesn't matter if its true or not.

it just rubbed me the wrong way, because jordan is a character who identifies as both a man and a woman, wants to be recognized and seen as both, but generally has a more masc!leaning personality. doesn't take away from their femininity because there are plenty of people out there who happily identify as a woman and present themselves a certain way. i hesitate to call it masc! be things like the stuff you wear or the things that intrest you shouldn't inherently be labled as masculine or feminine. i write them domming because of how they present themselves in personality, not because i prefer men. i have to laugh because im honestly more attracted to women, so like. it was all just very silly when i took a step back.

im sorry jordan gives off such big strap energy thats literally not my fault.

[thecranewivesrpf]

vent it's 1am

sometimes I see posts about people's parents being supportive of their interests, and I wonder what I could've had about that.

instead I'll sit in my room, smiling, laughing at a funny video, chatting with my friend, having fun and enjoying myself in my little safe space and I'll hear my dad laugh from downstairs and I'll wonder if it's at me.

why do I like the things I do? isn't it pathetic you're so invested in fucking minecraft roleplay? these creators will never know your name, but you still hold the time jimmy briefly said your name out loud on stream dear to your heart despite the fact you didn't even clip it, it just plays in your head sometimes. hi chewby, he said along with a long list of other names. he doesn't think about it and yet it felt like you existed for a moment.

it's unreasonable and incredibly paranoid, but sometimes I get scared and look through my phone for keyloggers that might've been installed, try and dig around my room for cameras and get scared new people I meet are my dad trying to fool me into trusting someone to tear it away and laugh. Point at the heartfelt messages I said to them and say isn't that pathetic? you trusted someone that much so quickly, this thing you said was so stupid. why did you say that? what's wrong with you? you're a fucking freak.

my mom says she tries not to let him have an effect on her life, don't be mad, stay apathetic. I would if I could. I'm terrified.

my only safe space had been torn away before, and it was one of the worse periods of my life. I was so disassociated I can't really tell you what happened in that time. I remember seeing a wildflower growing between the fence on my way home from school and crying. that flower got me through that day. I'm so scared of that happening again.

I pretend to nod along, I agree with every horrible thing he says, I have an entire horrible transphobic and bigoted story written out for how I use each social media I do use, and it's all to make sure he's happy and okay with me. I don't genuinely give a shit what he thinks, but I consider his opinion on everything I do to make sure I have a decent cover up story or way to hide it. I've done a lot, even as a kid to keep up that innocent perfect kid persona, even if then I didn't have a real reason to. I have zero respect for that man and yet I bow to him because I'm terrified. sometimes I wish I could've smiled and told him about the lmanburg flag I was sewing 2 years ago, and he would've smiled and listened to me talk. I think that conversation was ammunition. I hate talking about myself already, and I have extra internalized fear about my interests now. I assume everyone thinks I'm pathetic outside of my bubble, and it surprises me every time I see someone outside of the mcyt community not clowning on us or putting dni in their bio, thinking we're just weirdos. we're wonderful weirdos, I love what we've made here, but it's been ingrained into me to hate myself for what makes me happy.

I wish I didn't have to filter my thoughts. have cover up interests, pretend I'm so invested in a video game I haven't played in months. I've picked up my sister is masking and sucking up to him too. I feel bad for her.

im tired. I escape here and it's so wonderful, I can talk to people that make me happy and understand and won't lecture me and make me feel pathetic over the tiniest slip of my words. people will cheer with me, make me feel not alone, I love you all so much. you'll listen to me be happy, think about things that make me happy and interest me. even if I'm incoherent, even if you don't know what I'm talking about, even if it's too late and I'm making too many typos, I love you. I love you I love you I love you.

[the-king-andthe-lionheart]

the whole “sansa is the most relatable woman” thing is so triggering for me because as an afab person with late diagnosed autism sansa reminds me so much of the girls who used to bully me. i relate so strongly with arya because we both struggle with having conservative femininity imposed on us by society and are demonized for not adhering to “traditional” femininity

Hello @daenerysthevampireslayerr !

Yes, I find Sansa to be an alienating character for me as well, and I know a lot of people who feel this way. Sansa is a rich hetero white girl who abides by the status quo and perfectly fits into the highborn feminine box in her world. She is extremely classist and misogynistic, as well as closed-minded, selfish and vain and disloyal to a family that has done nothing to earn that disloyalty from her. As a mixed race bisexual woman who was born illegitimate and raised by a single mother, we weren't exactly rich either. We lived paycheck to paycheck. I also wasn't conventional looking so I myself grew up being bullied.

And while I was a little girl who loved "feminine"-coded things (playing with dolls and barbies, wearing dresses and make-up and jewelry) and romances and dreaming about happily ever after, I still can't relate to her. And that's because I was raised by a gender non-conforming mother who despised "feminine"-coded things and made me feel lesser for liking those things and for being a creative. I literally was the outcast when it came to me, my older sister, and my mother. I also wasn't blind to the world at large and I relate to Arya's anger at society and the injustices of the world, and how trauma can up that anger and make you lash out. I was also open-minded like her.

I just can't relate to Sansa, and people in this fandom proclaiming that Sansa is "the most relatable" has a very narrow view of what's relatable and what isn't, but from what I can tell, a lot of toxic Stansa's seem to be more conservative and has more of a tradfem/tradwife/tradcath or puritanical mentality. So they think every woman should be able to relate to Sansa, and every man in the audience should be in love with her, or some such nonsense. Of course, this is extremely exclusionary, because of how misogynistic and transphobic these people tend to be. Suffice it to say, I will never relate to Sansa, and if other people don't relate to her that should be accepted as okay. We all have preferences and we didn't all grow up in the same way. Why should I like a character who treated her little sister like crap on her shoe, didn't care she was almost killed by her betrothed, continues to think lowly of her even when she thinks Arya is dead, is disloyal to a family that didn't treat her badly at all and loved and constantly praised her, and is completely unrepentant for any of her bad behavior. She never reflects on any of her past behavior because she never thinks anything she does is wrong. She refuses to acknowledge, feel shame/guilt, take responsibility, and try to be better. If she did this in her arc, I would probably feel different about her as a character (Even though I still wouldn't relate to her), but she's forever the most frustrating POV to read for me where her character and it's development is concerned.

A lot of people in fandom cry about how people can dislike/hate Sansa, but go on to love Jaime, and I'm going to reveal why Jaime is one of my favorite characters. It's because even though he's done horrible shit, he acknowledges it, takes responsibility for it, and wants to do better. Does he do better? I think he does, it's not a lot better, but he's making progress, and he'll make better progress when he stops trying to act like Tywin. But it's the fact that he acknowledges all this and wants to be better (whether he achieves it or not) that makes him more likeable to me than Sansa, who has never taken responsibility for anything in her life and who doesn't want to do better. Yes, Sansa hasn't done as much bad as Jaime, but I really don't care. :P

But also, I think character relatability is overblown. Some of my favorite characters aren't relatable to me, or I only share one or two qualities with. I don't need my favorite character to be my copy. I do tend to relate more with Arya than my average favorite characters, but there is still several things about Arya that isn't relatable for me personally, but that doesn't make me love her less. And Sansa doesn't need to be relatable to be liked or loved by fans. It all has to do with preference. But suffice it to say, if it weren't for the toxic Stansa's I would have been neutral about Sansa in the books post AGOT. However, their toxicity makes it impossible. :/

[edvinception]

To the anon who doesn't understand why Tumblr hates yrtwt... most of my hatred of yrtwt comes from their "jokes" but there are many other things that bother me.

They are borderline horrible! Making mean comments then commenting "they don't understand its a joke 😭" doesnt make what you said a joke or okay. like calling Edvin a loser or sharing that LGBTQ flag gif with his name on it which comes across as implying his sexuality. There has been people bullied off if the platform for daring to say that they don't headcannon Wille as autistic or trans/trans non binary and calling them ableist or transphobic. Constantly tagging him in inane and stupid posts. Stalking their every little movement then calling people out for invading e and os privacy. Their inside jokes about a secret situation that happened between e and o that they can disclose but openly mention to get attention. To bullying Omar for interacting with the wrong people online when he replies to a comment. To calling Edvin a t*rrorist. Bullying nurbo and bullying people who like nurbo. Bullying eachother if someone has a preference towards a specific cast member. Bullying Nikita for not wanting to say Felice is a lesbian and calling her homophobic because she doesn't believe Felice is gay (which canonically as far as we are aware she isn't). Being so involved in a celebrities twt account that they are genuinely upset it might be deleted when I'm pretty sure 80% of his tweets exist elsewhere.

I can go forever! This anon is why we don't like young royals twitter and why we 'look down on them' as such. it's a breeding ground of negativity and expressing out displeasure is completely valid and within our right of expressing ourselves online. We don't need to know his every move or thought or what projects he's doing as soon as it happens... We will always find out in due course.

The internet has made us feel entitled to gaining information about someone within minutes of it happening and one source that provides that is being taken away. Everyone needs to calm down and realise we will always find out what projects he's doing but we don't always need to know everything asap.

I used to stalk update pages every hour when I was younger and I was in awe with a celebrity or piece of work and it was so unbelievably unhealthy for my mental health that I cannot explain how much people are upset over a twitter account worries me

The "jokes" are a huge part about the problem.

As is the rest of the bullying and the tweets to family members or friends. It's awful, disgusting even.

[linabirb]

Hi for the milgram asks

1, 8, and 9 for general questions

1 and 2 for both trials for trial questions

3 for Fuuta, Shidou, Amane, Kotoko, and 5 for Muu for prisoner questions

hi hi thank you sm for the questions!!

"Which Milgram character is your favourite, and why?"

my top faves are mappi, yuno and amane! i really like characters who are like. basically very cute and sweet on the outside but have Something Wrong with them. and these three feel like a very refreshing take on this trope bc mahiru is like. she's not a yandere (even though i do love yanderes..), she's just such a loving person that she doesn't know when to stop and. and i can rely to that a lot 😔 and yuno isn't like, "secretly evil", she's just very cold and empty on the inside and that's all. amane is more similar to characters that i usually tend to like and i love how at the same time she's a very traumatized child, but also i do believe that she committed her murder for the sake of her faith and not.. idk.. self-defense?.. i also like haruka and muu but i also get second-hand embarrassment from them sometimes bc these mentally ill teenagers remind me of myself when i was a mentally ill teenager a bit too much /lh

"Which prisoner do you think you would get on with the least if you met in person, and why?"

honestly i really don't think i would get along with any of them irl 😭 i'd be too terrified.. i think it would most likely be haruka or muu bc long story short i had my experience with people who got a bit too attached to me. did not like that. but also bc i'd just see them as really annoying irl, i'm sorry..

"Which prisoner's signature colour do you like the most?"

yuno's! pink 💞💕💘💝💖💗💓

"Which trial (number) verdict do you agree with the most?"

for trial 1.. i think fuuta? fuuta's crime is something that personally. um. i don't wanna say disgusts me but it's an emotion close to that. sorry to all fuuta fans i really don't care much about him feeling sorry about it and possibly changing, he's a grown man and he should've known better.

for trial 2, im gonna say it. i do agree with haruka's verdict the most. i honestly hate the way fandom treats him as a cute little baby and a pure cinnamon roll and constantly goes "oh okay if you voted him guilty you just hate autistic people", there is something very wrong with haruka and his murder and him killing animals is something that is very. hm. how do i say this. makes me want to punch him or something. i don't care how supportive people say they are, treat him like a normal human being and accept his flaws and accept that he's a murderer just like the others and that his possible disability can explain his actions but doesn't excuse them.

"Which trial (number) verdict do you disagree with the most?"

for trial 1. yeah i think muu should've been voted guilty back then tbh. sure maybe after pain does look sad and make her look like a victim out of context but then you listen to her vd and you're like. the red flags were always there 😭😭 this is not me denying that she was bullied, she definitely was, but it doesn't mean that i can still forgive her that easily AND i say that as someone who was horribly bullied for a huge part of my life.

for trial 2. i look around. i make sure nobody can hear me. i say kazui and refuse to elaborate and leave.

SHSJSKSKKS listen i don't care about kazui. like. at all. he's not my type of character sorry. but i think i'd be more interested in him if the fandom wasn't so focused on his sexuality and ignored other parts of his character. honestly i don't even know if there are any other parts of his character anymore. but i still can't forgive him for what he's done tbh. BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING most people are extremely homophobic and transphobic where i live, so i understand his situation perfectly (IF most theories about him really are true), but something about him just. i cannot trust this man. i feel too sorry for hinako honestly. i can talk about this more but i won't because he's this fandom's beloved old man so i'll shut up.

"What do you think of (name)'s verdict/s?"

fuuta: again, he deserved the t1 guilty and i did vote him inno during the second trial because i felt sorry for him, but i wouldn't be surprised if he did something that changed my opinion and made me vote him guilty during the third trial.

shidou: i am so sorry i don't care about milgram guys at all, haruka is like the only exception 😭 i guess his verdicts are. fine? i did vote him inno during the second trial though i'd probably vote him guilty if i got into milgram earlier. just like with fuuta, i will not hesitate to vote him guilty in the future if something happens.

amane: milgram fandom hates children especially traumatized ones that's all im gonna say. yes i can be a bit mean to haruka and muu, but amane is a huge comfort character to me and her experiences are very similar to my own, so seeing the fandom prioritize characters like shidou over A LITERAL CHILD is. hm. hey guys are you normal about children with religious trauma. oh also forgot to add, children with religious trauma who don't act like perfect victims and who can snap and act out and who refuse to accept that they were abused? i'm happy that she finally got an inno verdict (I WAS FIGHTING FOR HER ALMOST FOR THE ENTIRETY OF HER TRIAL..) but i do wish the percentage was bigger. it makes me sad every time i see it.

kotoko: i actually was kinda surprised when i found out she was voted inno in s1?.. like idk when i saw her for the first time, i was like "okay i do not like where this is going"? ig the fandom just went "yesssss you go girlboss" and that's it shsjskks. but anyway congrats on your t2 verdict guilty queen ✨✨

"What do you think of (name)'s song/s?"

muu: i like them! like them a lot! though i don't really vibe with her version of otome kaibou, like it just doesn't sound right to me.. but i do like her mkdr/dscf cover a lot! my fav muu song is probably still after pain, i think inmf is fun, but it's a bit too short for me and it feels kinda incomplete.

[lacependragon]

Once again consumed by the unending annoyance and rage at people caring more about a pair of fictional women kissing (badly animated, at that, it's so fucking stiff) over the treatment of real-life people who are actually, really suffering. Who have been harmed and abused. Who continue to struggle.

Oh, and if it's not the fictional women, it's the bird man.

Like. You'd rather support a sexist, ableist, racist, transphobic, cunty organization and throw them your money eagerly and willingly, while pretending they aren't horrible, to continue being this horrible, all over a pair of fictional women kissing than support trans and queer creators.

When canon is created by a bunch of prejudiced chucklefucks you take the canon FROM THEM and make your OWN while arguing that they need to PAY THEIR FUCKING WORKERS.

Go read your fucking fanfiction! God knows none of you write it. Or else you wouldn't whine so hard about creators taking too long.

"But all shows are like that."

I don't care. I don't buy Spiderverse merch. I don't buy RWBY merch. And I certainly don't beg for a shitty organization to greenlight another season of a show made by shitty people just so I can watch them abuse and belittle and fire everyone ELSE on their crew who ISN'T a fucking freelancer or contract worker.

Write a fucking fanfiction and stop acting like a show who keeps firing EVERYONE WHO CARES ABOUT IT is actually good enough to "justify" (no such thing) the massive harm and hatred of queer and trans people within the workspace, the livelihoods destroyed, and the careers forever tossed aside.

There is no CRWBY.

The writing is shit.

And more importantly: real people are getting hurt.

Write a fucking fanfiction. Stop using the fucking V10 hashtag. And remember that real world people are suffering and that if you condone this suffering, you are shitty.

Writing fic and drawing fanart is great! But seriously you chucklefucks drop the fucking tag.

No show, especially one that is:

fatphobic (only villainous or perverted characters are fat)

colourist & racist (all dark skinned characters are villainous or die, with the exception of fucking EMERALD and Oscar, but we have Hazel, Arthur, and Sienna to start)

ableist (no one is allowed to go without prosthetics, scars exist only for vibes, disability is never given a nuanced discussion, demonization of mental illness, not to mention the entirety of Ruby's storyline in V9)

queerphobic (toxic masculinity is everywhere, Ren's basically the only guy allowed to be remotely feminine, the obnoxious lack of queer men on screen due to RT's well-documented homophobia)

or sexist (yeah you'd think it wouldn't be, but when you consider the amount of V9 that is focused on Jaune at the detriment of focusing on the TITULAR CHARACTER'S MENTAL HEALTH, and considering this isn't the first time, I'm calling it)

...should have this much of a stranglehold on people's lives! It's not fucking worth it!

I love RWBY. I have loved RWBY since the Red Trailer. Those four girls mean a lot to me. I also acknowledge that it is full of fucking flaws that I work very hard to overcome and rewrite in my fanfics.

So, do like me:

Write a fucking fanfiction.

It's better than the show's actual writing, these days, anyway. And this doesn't hurt real life people who RT continues to harm just because, I dunno, they fucking can?

Anyway I'm disappointed in people. You can want V10 without using the hashtag. You can want V10 while speaking up about how people are mistreated and you don't want it to continue. You can want V10 and be happy to wait.

But if you prioritize the tenth season of a fictional web show over fixing the problems within the company, both specifically and as a whole, that are destroying people's lives, then you're just a loser.

Just a fucking internet loser.