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#and it makes me do stupid things i regret even more
giannaln4 · 1 day
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I'm Sorry
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lando norris x fem reader
summary: A moment of frustration made Lando react the way you never thought he would, and boy, would he regret it.  (1.6k words)
warnings: angst, swearing, argument, mean lando,  fluffy ending
a/n: ok so for this, i decided to go back to Baku and put the quali result in a totally different perspective than my last fic. i guess i kinda like it but i'm not very good at describing arguments 😭 anyway pls let me know what you think!!
ALSO i have an announcement to make and i'm really excited for it :)
check out the original request here!
↺ back to navigation — send me a request!
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The qualifying this weekend was an absolute mess, to say the least. Lando was hard on himself no matter the result he got. Even if it was good, he would always find something to criticise himself, but P17? Everyone was in for a treat, you thought.
The worst part is that it wasn’t even his fault; it was a stupid mistake by the marshals, and he was not to blame for it. A yellow flag interrupted his lap, and he was immediately kicked out in Q1. 
Seeing the first qualifying session being over with his name in red was not something anyone wanted to see, especially not him, and now that every point was essential, you knew it crushed him.
He came back to the garage to see the rest of the qualifying with his team, and as soon as he got out of the car, you saw how frustrated he was. You understood him, of course, it sucked that this is how the weekend was going, but you would be there for him no matter what.
Once Lando took off his helmet, he headed straight to his driver’s room, and he didn’t even look at you when he walked past. That meant he wanted to be alone, but oh silly you, you decided to follow him.
He let out a loud sight when he heard the door open and close behind him, not really in the mood to hear what you had to say. He knew for a fact you were going to tell him he did well and it wasn’t his fault, which he greatly appreciated, but right now, he just wanted to suffer in peace.
“Baby?” You called him out, just testing the waters, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he hummed in annoyance. “I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but-”
“You are right, I don’t want to hear it,” he interrupted you, not even turning around to face you. He placed his hands on the desk and leaned into it, taking a deep breath. 
That should have been your cue to leave the small room and leave him alone, but for some reason you didn’t. “Lando, don't beat yourself up over this. It wasn’t your fault, and I’m sure things will be better tomorrow. We all know what you can do and you still have the race-“
“This is MY job, Y/N. I probably know better than you do,” he snapped, raising his voice and finally turning around. “This is what I’m fighting for, we all are. Do you know what’s at stake here? I finally have the chance to compete for a championship, and I just blew it.”
To say you were astonished was an understatement; this was the first time he ever snapped at you that way and you didn’t know how to react. “I’m sorry, I just-”
“Every point counts, and not even starting in the top 10 tomorrow- fuck, not even top 15, there is not much I can do.” Now, he looked more mad at you than frustrated at himself, and that crushed you. “I came here to be alone for a bit, I was hoping you would at least respect that." You stayed silent, knowing a single sound would make you cry, and you didn’t want to piss him off more than he already was. “I know you are trying to help, but you are not, you can’t.”
You just stared at him, tears threatening to leave your eyes; he had never raised his voice at you in a heated moment, and it hurt like hell. You definitely should have stayed outside. 
He walked towards the door and stepped out of the room without uttering another word, leaving you alone to deal with your own feelings. 
As soon as the door was closed, you started crying. It was your own fault, really; you could always read him like a book, even today, and you knew better than to disturb him when you weren’t supposed to, but today for some reason you just couldn't keep your mouth shut. Idiot.
You tried to calm yourself down; the last thing Lando needed was to see you cry on top of his result, but it was harder than you expected. This being the first time an argument got so out of hand made you feel absolutely terrible, especially because it was your fault. Deep down, you knew he didn’t mean it, you knew it was his feelings talking, but that didn’t make it any less painful.
A few minutes went by and you could still hear the cars out on track, the mumbling of the team, and people constantly working out there, so you tried to use that as a distraction. Anything to take your mind off what just happened. 
Unfortunately, it didn’t help, but at least you ran out of tears, and now you were just staring at a blank wall, thinking how you could begin to apologise for earlier, if he would even give you the chance to. 
Truth is, you weren’t sure if bringing it up again would be a good idea; you wanted to apologise for disrupting his cooldown moment, but what if hearing that made him mad again? Or worse, what if you didn’t apologise and made the situation even bigger? Your spiralling made you lose track of time, and a knock on the door pulled you out of your thoughts. 
“The car is about to leave, Y/N, they are waiting for you,” you heard someone say on the other side of the door. You were at least hoping Lando would come and get you once it was time to go back to the hotel, but he didn’t.
“Thanks, I will be there in a minute,” you replied, grabbing your things and Lando’s before sprinting outside. 
The car ride was hell. Lando didn’t look at you the entire time; he was just staring at his phone, texting who knows who, his face as neutral as ever. It felt longer than it actually was, and when you finally got there, he just stepped out of the car and didn’t look back. You let out a sigh and followed him, leaving a prudent distance between the two of you. 
Once you were in the hotel room, you both started to get ready for bed, like you usually did, except this time, you didn’t acknowledge each other. 
That was until you were already on your side of the bed and he came out of the bathroom, taking the spot next to you and burying his face on his phone again. The entire time you were building up the courage to say something, anything, now that you decided that apologising was the right thing to do.
“Lando?” You called for him, but again, he just hummed in response. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You were right, I shouldn’t have said anything, and I should have respected that you just wanted to be alone.”
That’s when it hit him. How could he get so mad at you for trying to make him feel better? 
He dropped his phone and turned to face you, and noticing your sad expression and teary eyes broke him. His eyes softened as guilt washed over him. Why were you apologising when he was the one who reacted like that? But as soon as you looked down at your hands to avoid eye contact and tears started falling down your face again, he felt even worse. 
“Y/N… Baby, I’m so sorry.” He got closer to you, softly taking your cheeks in his hands to get you to look at him. “Please don’t cry, I’m sorry I acted like a dick and raised my voice at you,” he stared, wiping your tears away, carefully thinking about what else he could say. 
You, on the other hand, didn’t know how to react. Your plan was to apologise and hopefully move on, but now that he was apologising, you didn’t know what to say; you didn’t want him to feel guilty, even though it was his fault you were in that position right now. If only he took a different approach. 
“It wasn’t your fault, okay? You were just trying to help, and I should have appreciated that, you know that I do, I just... I don’t know, there is no excuse for what I did.” But you were still silent and trying to avoid eye contact. “Baby, say something.” 
“Lando, you yelled at me.” You finally replied, your voice a bit muffled by your tears.
“I know, I shouldn’t have done that, and I promise I’ll never do it again.”
After a minute of silence, you just nodded, which made him let out a sigh of relief. “Okay.”
“Okay? I’m sorry, my love.” He pulled you into a hug, your head on his chest as he placed a soft kiss on your head. “I know I was a dick, and I really wish I was nicer about it.”
“It’s okay, I get it; you were frustrated with your result, and I should’ve known better than to interfere with what you were feeling.”
“No, it’s not okay. I was frustrated, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” Lando was rubbing your back softly, trying to bring you the comfort you tried to give him earlier. “I love you, and I can’t describe how much I appreciate everything you do for me; I know having to deal with my shit is not easy, so thank you.”
“It’s fine, I mean it.” You looked up at him, locking eyes finally in the entire day. “Just... don’t push me away, okay? And if you do need to be alone, just say it, and I promise I will listen next time.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
He gently placed a hand on your check, rubbing small circles before leaning in for a kiss, one both of you much needed. And with one final ‘I love you’, you feel asleep in his arms.
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simjaexy · 3 days
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★ 𝙀𝙣𝙝𝙖 𝙃𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙜 𝙇𝙞𝙣𝙚 𝙭 (𝙁) 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 ★
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౨ৎ why fight when we can just fuck?
warnings ⇀ MINORS DNI!!!, lowercase intended, crying, arguments, eating out (jay), shower sex (jake), cursing, dom! heeseung x sub! reader, hair gripping (sunghoon), overstimulation (jay), mean dom! sunghoon x sub brat! reader, blowjobs (sunghoon), rough sex, jealousy (sunghoon)
genre ⇀ pure smut, little angst
w.c ⇀ 980
a/n ⇀ sorry for not posting for awhile but i made a drabble of the hyung line! i’m planning on making a heeseung fic soon so stay tuned for that :) i hope you enjoy so please reblog, comment, like, etc! not proofread!
౨ৎ you and heeseung had a disagreement over something trivial, but it escalated quickly. the tension was palpable, and you both ended up saying things you didn't mean.
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later that evening, heeseung knocked on your door, his face filled with regret. "i'm really sorry," he said softly. "i didn't mean to hurt you.” he noticed your silence and held your hand, “i think i know what to do to make you forgive me.” was all he said before shutting the door behind him.
“h-hee!” you cried out when you felt his girth dick hitting the right spots that made your eyes roll back. heeseung groaned feeling you clench around him. he pinned both of your arms down on the bed and nibbled at your neck causing you to jerk at the sensation.
“fuck you feel so tight. wanna fuck this pussy all day. would you let me baby?” he whispered in your ear. you nodded your head feeling your climax finally coming.
“fuck hee i’m cumming!” you moaned. he slapped your ass watching it jiggle. a smirk never falling off his face.
“fuck go head and cream on this dick.” he spoke. that was all you needed before your orgasm came over you. heeseung slowed down and soon he came too.
“i’m sorry baby for having that stupid argument. i love you.” heeseung mumbled, rubbing his face in your neck. you giggled and kissed his cheek.
“it’s okay hee, i forgive you.”
౨ৎ you and jay had a heated argument about his busy schedule. you felt neglected, and he felt misunderstood. after cooling off, jay came to you with a sincere expression.
"i'm sorry for not considering your feelings," he admitted. "i promise to make more time for us."
he cupped your face when he saw a few tears streaming down, “it really hurts jay.”
he kissed your cheek, “how about i make it up to you now?”
“oh god seongie!” you cried out, feeling his tongue lick your bud. he groaned when you gripped his hair. he continued nibbling and licking your bud, the sweet taste of you making him feel crazy.
your back arched and jerked when he suddenly licked your folds, “seongie too much!” you whined.
“mhm.” was all jay said. he dipped his tongue in your hole and swirled it around causing your eyes to roll back. you felt your orgasm coming and locked your legs around jays head.
“s-seongie im cumming! please!” you whimpered. seongie looked up at you, his intense hazed lustful gaze staring at you caused you to finally cum. you groaned when he still continued to lick up all your sweet taste.
“n-no. no more.” you rasped out. jay finally let go of your pussy and licked his lips. you saw him starting to unbuckled his belt.
“i don’t think i’m gonna stop anytime soon darling. i’m gonna make it up to you.”
౨ৎ you and jake had a disagreement about a decision he made without consulting you. feeling hurt, you distanced yourself. jake noticed and came to you, looking genuinely sorry.
"i didn't mean to make you feel left out," he said. "i should have talked to you first. i'm really sorry.”
you nodded your head, still feeling a bit upset. jake noticed your same expression and rubbed your hip, “how about we wash these negativities away?”
“fuck jake!” you squealed out. the sound of loud skin slapping and moans filling up the steamy bathroom.
jake threw his head back feeling your clench around him. the steamy water making him feel even more hot.
“yeah? you like that? wanna fuck you so good.” he moaned. you frantically nodded your head. you would’ve been on the ground if it weren’t for jake holding your hips in place.
“pussy feels so good. does my princess feel good?” he slurred out. you felt your orgasm coming after hearing his dirty words. the only thing you could do was nod your head.
“g-gonna cum. cumming!” you gasped. that’s when you felt your legs shaking with you pussy throbbing around jake’s dick. jake came right then and there.
“m’sorry princess. i love you.” he said.
you hummed, still tired, “i love you too jake.”
౨ৎ you and sunghoon had an argument about a misunderstanding that spiraled out of control. both of you were stubborn, but sunghoon eventually approached you with a apology.
"i'm sorry for being so stubborn," he confessed. "i value our relationship too much to let this come between us."
you rolled your eyes, “should have though bout that before flirting with that waitress.” you mumbled.
sunghoon sighed, knowing you weren’t gonna let it down. instead of saying anything, sunghoon grabbed your wrist and took you guys to your bedroom.
“fuck just like that kitten.” he groaned. you moaned around his dick, feeling it throb in your mouth. the noise of your slobber and his precum around his dick turning you on more. your pussy wet with slick. sunghoon gripped your hair when he felt you hollow your cheeks.
“ah~ fuck! that’s right kitten, such a good kitten.” he purred out. you felt tears gathering around your eyes when he started pushing his dick deeper into your mouth.
sunghoon felt your hand tapping against his thigh, but that didn’t stop him. if you were gonna have attitude after his apology, he’ll find a way to make you shut up.
he felt his orgasm coming and lolled his head back, “shit gonna cum.” he said. that’s when he let go of your hair making you lick around his tip, wanting to taste his cum in your mouth.
feeling your wet tongue licking his tip made him jerk forward and that’s when he finally came in your mouth. you swallowed every bit of it and hummed in content.
sunghoon rubbed your jaw, “don’t complain about being jealous when your the only one that can make me cum like this.”
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lightlycareless · 17 hours
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Need a moment we're Naoki Is just straight jealous of naoya, of his relationship with y/n, and how he feels that should've been him. How he tried to play it off as him hating naoya, but deep down he's just hurt because he thought that maybe, there could've been some part of y/n that wanted him too .
OOF this ask... I know most of my readers hate Naoaki rn but I gotta say I still have a special place for him in my heart hahahah I don't know what to call it, there's just... something about him that doesn't allow me to let go.
Anyways, this inspired the following :) I hope you enjoy it!
warnings: none. just a naoaki that realizes he gravely miscalculated everything. (he's my interpretation of naoya's brother from over here... proceed with caution)
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Naoaki becoming jealous, or more like completely desolate would finally happen the moment he sees you happily receive Naoya back home.
Up to that point, he’d always seen you cower, doing your best to avoid the abuse of your husband, using him as cover even if Naoaki wasn’t all too enthusiastic about it. He had other plans involving you, after all.
Yet, as much as he disliked being used that way, he was glad to see that the rupture in your relationship was so deep, there seemed no possibility you’d ever find your way back to your estranged husband. Ever!
It was simply impossible. He’d done so much to hurt you—a miracle would be needed to mend his mistakes; for you to believe in his so-called redemption.
Nonetheless, that’s exactly what happened. As if by God’s decree, Naoya just… began to change. One morning he simply acknowledged all of his wrongful doings, subsequently growing regretful and wanting to mend them—starting apparently caring for you, ha! Now, isn’t that hilarious??
Even then, Naoaki still believed you couldn’t be so naïve to be tempted by Naoya’s blatant manipulation: it was obvious that his brother was trying to pull you back to him, fearing he might’ve been losing his grasp on you! Much to his personal delight.
That would only prove, however, how gravely he’s miscalculated your nature, the same one he took great advantage of for his own purposes, now directed onto his own brother.
You were just to… stupid for your own good, Naoaki regretfully mused, too gullible to believe that people could change; dangerous to be left alone.
But isn’t that what he expected from you, though? What he wanted for himself?
Certainly, for a part of him, buried deep beneath the anger he harbored against his brother and clan… hoped that you’d see good in him too?
Longing that the time you’ve spent together provided something more than just a haven for you to seek solace in, or reasons for him to exploit against his brother…?
Genuienly, perhaps innocently, Naoaki thought you’d grown affectionate of him through these moments— like he had become, unable to remember the last time he approached you out of benefit for his ulterior motives.
Yet, he seemed to be the only one to think so, for as time went on, days becoming nothing but a blur, his presence in your mind slowly disappeared, redirected instead to your dreadful husband—
Your warm welcomes, your joyful jests, the eagerness to know of his day accompanied by a tasty meal, enrichened by your bright, wide eyes filled with excitement at every word he said…
All those wonderful things… weren’t his anymore. No. All of them belonged to Naoya now.
Or perhaps they never did; just like everything regarding him and his brother, the heir always took priority.
And such, Naoaki eventually accepted the fact that out of the two, only he was foolish enough to want more than what he initially anticipated; to desire something intimate, for the sake of his own happiness, or perhaps just wanting to seek validation through the only person he believed would be kind enough to do so…
But you moved on. Using him as a steppingstone to make amends with your husband, the so-called love of your life as your blushing face and meek demeanor would declare soon enough.
Naoaki should be gravely hurt by these admittances, but another part of him reminded him this wasn’t the first time he’s ever been betrayed. Delegated to second place against the beloved heir, the prodigious sorcerer everyone seems to venerate, you included.
Leaving him to endure the rest of his dreadful life on his own.
Guess his father was right when saying he wasn’t meant for anything beyond failure, a lost cause that ought to give up before he brought long any more shame to the clan.
Just as he claimed you to be as well, though Naoaki would now have to disagree, because after all that happened between you, him, and Naoya…
He can finally assess the painful truth:
You were always like them—you just needed… the right motivation to accept so.
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*slides in* aha! I shall request…for Obey Me headcanons! How would Mammon, Beelzebub and Lucifer be with an S/0 who is very forgiving? She would even forgive the likes of Belphegor faster than excepted. With that, this S/O of theirs can be naive and overly trusting and optimistic due to her thinking that everyone share the same good intentions as she does. (Which is probably why she help Belphie out of the attic that day). But aside from all these, she’s very loving.
Beelzebub comes tomorrow :3
Mammon
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Yeah, at first your life is going to be really hard with this man.
Mammon thought he had found an endless money generator.
He would definitely try to use your kindness at first.
He realizes that you assume good things about everyone, even if it's not true.
Especially not in Devildom XD
Luckily you're not stupid though and this wouldn't work.
Lucifer is not happy to hear about this.
Mammon certainly wouldn't be so subtle with this one.
He would make fun of how gullible you are and tell you that you need to be tougher.
Mammon might already have a crush on you at this point but his tsundere ass won't admit it.
However, over time, Mammon becomes much more protective.
Since you are HIS person, no one else could take advantage of you.
HIS human would deserve protection.
You should be thankful that HE protects you from everything.
Why not show your gratitude and give him hugs?
If you do that, be careful because no amount would be enough in the end~
Lucifer
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Oh, you're causing Lucifer so many gray hairs.
Of course you don't do it on purpose and he wouldn't balame you of it.
You mentioned something like this in your application.
Lucifer would try to protect you from the start.
It seems like every week he would hear that Mammon had done something bad.
Lucifer regrets putting Mammon in charge of you.
At first he did it to protect this project and Diavolo's reputation.
However, over time, he started to have the some feelings for you.
He feels proud whenever you come to him for help or protection.
Lucifer enjoys your innocence in a certain way.
This would be something new in Devildom.
If you have any problems, Lucifer will take care of them.
Your relationship would be something special
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https-milo · 23 hours
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Hi I was wondering if u could do a shinsou x reader x tamaki story (either separately or poly) where reader is on her period and having very bad cramps and is having a lot of mood swings
my period is bouta hit soon I can feel her presence </3 THANKS FOR THE REQUEST!!
AW, CRAMP!
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Hitoshi Shinso x reader, Tamaki Amajiki x reader
(F/S) = Favorite snack
Summary Headcanons and oneshots with Shinso and Amajiki (separate)
m. list
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HITOSHI SHINSO
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He wouldn't ignore you per se
HOWEVER.
If you're unessccesarily mean to him, his ass WILL make you take a breather
He'll leave the room and come back with your comfort food and favorite drink, along with chocolates and a heated blanket
But before you can get them, you HAVE to apologize
Once you do, expect some quality time with him <3
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"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WOULD YOU?" You shouted angrily at your boyfriend as you were curled in your bed. You hadn't moved from that position all day and Shinso was getting worried.
Taken aback, your boyfriend rolled his eyes, "Ok, see you later." He didn't bother turning back as he left the room. You started to cry. Your eyes were puffy and snot was dripping down your face but you couldn't stop crying.
"I'm so stupid! He- he- he hates me!" You sobbed loudly, curling into your balled position tighter. It had only been 10 minutes since he left, but you were feeling terribly guilty. You heard a deep sigh behind you and saw your purple-haired boyfriend with a plastic bag from the cornerstone.
"I don't hate you, babe," He sighed and sat beside you in the bed. He pulled you from your depressive curl and laid your head against his chest, not caring for the mess of snot and tears that now covered his hoodie. "I left so we wouldn't fight over something like this. Neither of us would want to say something we regret later, hmm?" He stroked your hair gently and your tears slowly stopped flowing.
"I- I'm so sorry, 'Toshi," You sniffled. "I shouldn't have been so mean."
"You're fine, princess. Don't worry. I bought you some stuff," He replied with a casual shrug. He grabbed the bag from beside him and showed you the contents. Your favorite drink, food, snacks, and chocolates were all in there. "I also warmed your heated blanket up while we were arguing." He pulled said blanket from the foot of the bed where you hadn't even noticed it.
"You're too good for me," You sobbed as you stuffed your face with (F/S).
He sighed again and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, "Shhhh, pretty baby, it's okay."
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TAMAKI AMAJIKI
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He's tweaking out more than you especially if you raise your voice at him
He calls Hado immediately after you have a mood swing
He gets a bunch of products she recommended
He also makes sure to tidy your room so you don't cry about it being messy (has happened before)
He gets scared :(
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"You hate me!" You sobbed as you threw one of the stuffed animals he had gifted you at him. He dodged it easily and tensed immediately at your aggression.
"W-what?" He asked confused. "I don't hate you."
"Yes you do! I can feel it!" You replied.
"I- I don't know what you're talking about... I'm sorry if I made you upset," He said sincerely.
You sobbed harder, "You're too good for me! Get out!" You sobbed loudly and shoved your face into your pillow as you clutched your stomach in pain.
"O-okay," Tamaki replied as he sadly left the room. As soon as he closed your door, he pulled out his phone and called Nejire. Twenty minutes later, he returned with MULTIPLE heated blankets, chicken wings, ibuprofen AND Tylenol, chocolate, and vitamins. "Hado-chan said a lot of things... so I got them all." He walked over to your bed humbly and hesitantly, worried you'd explode at him again.
You sniffled and gratefully pulled him into bed with you, embracing him tightly and apologizing profusely. "I love you so much, Tama."
He let out a breath of relief, "I'm glad. You- you're the love of my life."
"And you're mine," You said as you took the pain reliever he brought and started eating the wings.
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© https-milo. please do not repost, steal, copy, or modify my works!
Thank you so much for reading <3
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teabeexo · 1 day
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Would you recommend Our life? Obviously this is a pretty stupid question but I’ve done some research on it and it seems pretty good!! Is there anything specific about the fanbase or plot I should know about it before I get it? :]
Hello lovely!! Yes, I would completely recommend Our Life! Even though a lot of the fandom has only played OL:NF, the OL game that is currently only out in a demo, I personally started with OL:BA and I do not regret it! If it gives you any perspective on how badly it had me in its grasp, I had over 300+ hours by April (and I bought it November of last year). All the characters are fantastic and very real. The representation in the game is also amazing. Words cannot express how much I love this game.
in terms of fanbase, and some might disagree with me here, it’s relatively stable. Actual arguments seem to be pretty small and contained. There was a big fandom shake recently with something that went down, which was one of the biggest fandom-wide ordeals I’ve seen while being in the community. I’m in the GB Patch Games discord, and most small spats there are dissolved before it can get too bad. This is speaking completely from personal experience, but I would say most of the hostility exists around characters (because there are some characters that people love, while others hate them), but it’s nothing that can’t be brushed off. GB Patch herself has handled issues, but the fandoms opinions on how they’re handled is up in their air. By that I mean, a lot of people have varying feelings. Im sorry if this is very vague, I just want to be broad because there truly are so many opinions and it’s hard to capture them all.
My experience has been very positive overall. One of my current closest online friends was made through this fandom (via the discord)! Most individuals are very kind and respectful, and the diversity in MCs is fantastic!! If you ever need/want to talk about your MCs (or just the game in general) with someone, I’m here! I love it <33
I’d say there’s not any particular warnings for either game — especially since one is incomplete. I’m aware that the details of Cove’s parents (OL:BA) can be triggering for some, or make them uncomfortable, but it’s not fully dived into until a Step 3 DLC moment, so it’s avoidable. One of the love interests, Baxter, also has canonically bigoted parents, but we never see them and Baxter does not hold their views whatsoever. For OL step one, there’s a lot of discussion of divorce and emotion distress that comes from that, so if that’s alarming just be wary!! OL:NF is very much mostly fluff and comfort and setting up characters right now, so if you decide to the play the demo I don’t think there will be any issues there.
It’s very possible there are things I missed, so if anybody else has things to add, feel free to!
IM SO GLAD YOURE INTERESTED AHH!! If you decide to play, I’d love to hear about it! If you want me to go more in-depth on anything, let me know and I will gladly do so. Consider giving the games a shot!! Thank you!
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drysauce · 2 years
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uni definitely isn't for me but everything else isn't for me either so i have to somehow bear with it i guess
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skiespaintedblue · 1 year
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If ur romantic f/o has any siblings, they're ur in law(s) now!!! How do you feel about them? How do they feel about you? What does your f/o think about you guys? Do you hate eachother, or are you friends?
#selfship#selfship community#self shipping#fictional other#selfship imagines#sort of#idk what tags to use aaaa#hope people see this post tho#i really wanna get more integrated into the selfship community cause i just like. reblog stuff#i wanna b friends with people!! if anyone is looking for selfship mutuals hmu#its probably cause i dont make much actual content. i should draw more stuff#but anyway about the actual topic of the post dgfjgkd#this came up for me cause i was thinking about leo and was like hey if hes markus's brother doesnt that make him my brother in law#and i was like :0#fuck yeah we'd vibe so well together fr!!#im convinced we'd be besties even if i wasnt in love with his brother#we both got that tboy swag ykwim#platonic t4t? is that a thing? idk#but yeah we'd get along great. markus would be happy about it too until we started doing some stupid shit then he'll regret everything#i also have brother in laws on connors end w nines and sixty#honestly. i think realistically id be scared of sixty#he'd torment me i know he would#if i yawned around him he'd stick his finger down my throat#fucking spawn of satan#nines would be very different#i think it might be a bit awkward at first bc. youre sticking two bitches with social anxiety in a room together#one of which barely speaks#but i think eventually we'd get along just fine :D#id prolly enjoy going shopping with them. nines just feels like a good person to shop with#maybe ill make a post for parental in laws too cause i havent thought about hank and carl as much
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dogearedheart · 2 months
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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orcelito · 2 months
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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
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themyscirah · 6 months
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Just saw a bunch of atrocious wonder woman takes and I hate everything
Someone google nearest bridge to jump off of im so done w this
#people dont fucking understand the warrior culture thing and it pisses me off so much#wonder woman does no glorify violence. she does not aspire to combat or violence. peace and respect are the bedrock of amazon philosophy#the amazons are warriors for DEFENSE. specifically in that they are the reincarnated souls of victims of gender violence. who were brought#back as warriors to defend other women in the ancient world from gender violence. violence they were AGAIN subjected to when they were#captured and assaulted by heracles and his men. then the themyscirans split from the rest of the amazons bc they dont want to answer this#violence with more violence. and then they listen to the call of the gods who bring them to themyscira#and ok this part is pretty victim blamey and awful in terms of their whole assault generally but anyways on themyscira they are specifically#tasked with protecting dooms doorway and keeping the monsters there locked up. they stayed warriors to defend people#like it is ALWAYS about finding peace and doing the least harm possible. do not maim if you can subdue dont subdue if you can pacify dont#raise your hand at all until youve first extended it ET CETERA (probly mangled the quote there but you get it)#like she will always take the most peaceful option and the one that does harm. BUT if she is left with a choice between her doing harm to a#villain and the villain harming someone shell fuck whoever up. and if theres really NO other way she will kill a bitch. no regrets either#wonder woman didnt even intent to be a superhero!!! at her core shes literally an AMBASSADOR it just so happens that her culture sees#defending others from harm as a duty. so in doing that she is doing her job as an ambassador and themysciran and ofc a person#but SHE IS NOT VIOLENT. she only uses violence in the last resort to prevent violence. for defense. this is something she does bc she thinks#its right but its also an aspect of her job. which is living by themysciran culture and increasing understanding of it in mans world#shes a diplomat for christssake 😭#anyways ppl stop misinterpreting wondy and saying stupid shit abt her challenge#istg its like most people think shes like the 90s bana mighdall or artemis or something aka HER NARRATIVE FOILS like guys. please be serious#rant over i guess. why do i always do these in the tags ugh#blah#gonna make these tags a new post gimme a sec
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bibiana112 · 1 year
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Girl are you okay? Cause you've been looking through the "My lesbian experience with loneliness" tag again
Well the short answer is no :D
#the long answer is I saw one post of someone going 'well now that I'm 28 too maybe I'll try doing the same thing the protag does here''#and nearly cried because 28 is such a ridiculously long time away except not really except it's SO#fucking long and so close to what I was gaslit into believing I would ever have that I'd be lucky to make it to my thirties for no reason#and I never wanted anything different and just wanted to live and had panic attacks when reading but I'd still believe it was inevitable#and now I am suddenly having to come to terms with so much I want from life that I had resigned myself to never having because I couldn't#but how am I meant to do that? it's just hanging over my head now and it feels so stupid and I feel so out of place everywhere#it feels like I'm too bad at being a person to be loved and too angry to even admit I want to be#and too regretful to seek it because I'm scared of trampling over people's boundaries like people have done to me#and like I did too before I grew up and thought my way through having some empathy#why do only boys show any interest in me.... why is every friend I make entirely outside the range of people who could possibly reciprocate#why is it so easy for me to brush crushes aside aren't people supposed to suffer for this stuff#does that prove it's not a romantic crush and it's just that I want to be held and wanted#it feels so wrong to want this after fighting so much just to have fulfilling platonic relationships what's wrong with me#that I still want something else what more could I want this life is so ideal as far as 12 yo me is concerned#...when did my brain start viewing any and all kinds of want or ambition as doomed efforts for me?#I have such a headache all of a sudden#I think... the way I value self preservation has gotten all the way around into being harmful maybe#at least a little#everyone I know is nowhere near the amount of control freak as I am and they just go do things they want to do#have I seen them hurt over the consequences multiple times yes. but . I'm tired of hurting over absence#''did you know wishing you had more extreme and easily verifiable trauma is in itself proof of having undergone trauma'' well yeah but like#fuck why couldn't I be traumatized by anything else that wasn't literally the profession supposed to help you with all the trauma#delete later#like for real I want to delete it rn but I also don't
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chaotic-history · 1 year
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i am. thinking about the barbie movie
#am gonna regret writing this later but. being trans is a special breed of feeling like you have to prove your masculinity#and it's extra fucked up cause whenever you feel like that you immediately feel like shit afterwards cause you know the other side and you#grew up knowing you were queer and now you feel like you're being antithetical to what the queer community is all about and the progress it#has made. like obviously [insert any number of things lol] does not make someone any less of a man. you know that and you know that you'd#never judge anyone else by that standard but at the same time clearly you still fucking believe in it since you judge yourself by it and#what if you're just judging other people unconsciously#and this ties back in to the movie cause the end w ken also rebrought up the question of 'do i actually want a romantic relationship or do#just feel like i *should* have one' and i'm kind of leaning towards the second option. bc it feels Good but in like.. i don't even know how#to describe it. like it's what i should be doing but not because *i* actually want to personally?#and i know that whatever kind/amount of attraction i have is bi but whenever i imagine the kind of relationship that would feel most 'right#(in that weird way) it's always w a girl. which is literally fucking just the beginning of these tags restated. bc that feels like the thin#i 'should' be doing as a guy (lmfaooo mistyped that as gay 💀) n i think the 'this feels right' is literally just gender euphoria which#again is fucking stupid as a shit bc obviously liking girls is not more masculine than liking guys and ofc i don't actually believe that#but then clearly i fucking DO because why the hell else would i feel that way for myself#anyway gonna go play in traffic 🙃 dear god please hit me with a bus. thanks
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wabblebees · 1 year
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#fuck me fuck me fuck me#my ex texted me last week & ive been so FUCKING conflicted about it (even tho ik i shouldnt give a single fuck)(but i fucking MISS them#EVEN THO ik i REALLY shouldnt)(aaaAAAAA)#but i havent responded yet and i dont Plan to (bc even tho i WANT to ik thats Stupid & a Bad Idea)(& probably entirely self-destructive)#but i HAVENT yet. and i havent seen them in fucking months and. but i just saw them#i just walked past them#and if my friend hadnt been there to pull me along and keep walking me over to where we were headed anyway and then walk me home...#fuck me. fuck. i think id have just... frozen#i almost did anyway#and i KNOW just walking home was the Objectively Correct move but. holy FUCK its taking all my goddamn willpower not to just.#run out into the fuvking night and find them again. what the hell is wrong with me#*i* broke up with THEM. bc they were triggering my rsd and making me spiral ((WHICH wasnt necessarily always their fault!! so i wouldve#been happy to keep managing that myself!! the way i usually do!!)) but more importantly they were APPARENTLY sneaking around behind my back#Still. apparently they were Still sneaking around behind my back.#so i left#and ive regretted that ever since. even though ive always known that was the right choice ive ALWAYS doubted. bc they were so#ugh. FUCK.#i hate everything. its so dark and confusing and terrible and it was so fucking easy to just trust them and love them wholeheartedly and#that was the thing i cant regret. i cant make myself regret that i threw myself into it completely#it was just. so lovely#and everyone keeps telling me that i did nothing wrong & that i made the right choice to take care of myself & that i should just move on#but if it was the right choice why is it so fucking awful?? why is it STILL so FUCKING AWFUL even tho i kinda thought it was getting BETTER#its been fucking MONTHS why do i still want them. why do *i* want to fucking APOLOGIZE for breaking up with them over the ways THEY HURT ME#why is it still so hard to get it through my fucking head that they didnt keep their promises!!#again and again pulling the same bullshit!! this text they sent FIT the FUCKING FORMULA. AS ALL THEIR OTHER ''im sorry can we talk'' ONES#the apology and the excuse and the offer for a conversation ''if youre comfortable and willing'' all followed by something terribly sweet#and totally disarming. and it FUCKING WORKS. EVERY DAMN TIME.#i dont WANT it to. but it DOES. and theres an extremely loud part of me that just wants to run headlong into it & say fuck the consequences#but i SHOULDNT. fucken hell i feel so uncertain abt every decision i made wrt them. but im trying to take care of myself now at least#bee speaks
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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SHADOWBRINGERS.... listening to the song again n oh god i love the lyrics so so much we r ignoring the fact that i have to wake up in like less than 4 hours
#🌙.vent#i just have 1 assignment due tmrrw n i don't want to do it :') like yeah i'm definitely still going to but. it's a letter to ourselves....#i write a lot to myself that is very much evident but it's so hard to actually organize it. & fuck too bcs it's due 10 pm later today#i hate doing things for the sake of academics. says me w my grades lmfao but despite how well i manage i really do hate the school system#i wanted to ramble abt ffxiv oh no i get so distracted when i start writing. but. god my mind rn i don't understand#🥹 this stupid mental block ???? w the break nearly ending there's sm more i have to do but i need to sleep . but not having this started is#messing me up sm rn. i want to put a lot of effort into it but i'm at a loss for words. i wrote some ideas days back but i've changed a bit#this moment ideally right now where i'm in a better mood than i have been for the past few days but not as brain empty#a balance of fiction and reality. enough to keep me not sad but enough to keep me stressed?#i would like to get it started now. i know i want to. but i can't. i just can't seem to. it's not lack of motivation right now. it's.#....maybe a fear? a fear that gives me some sort of mental block. because i really really want to at least start writing something but#i can't start. & goddamn this is not what i meant to write about i wanted to write of shadowbringers & maybe a little of today#but i guess this just has been. bothering me for a while. buried somewhere in my mind#i've been this age for like. more than a week now huh. it's daunting it's scary but i've always loved & sought the thrill of challenges. bu#alright i wasn't able to read anything i wanted to. nor did i watch as much as i would've liked. & i didn't really bond with my friends#save for texts here n then. talking in ffxiv w that one too. & that very one call on bday yh. & tumblr too ofc c: but i didn't do the schoo#stuff i wanted to do this break. but my rank in pjsekai's lowering. nor playing arknights/nier again yet. & fixing my sleep. but....#i didn't wake up any later than 4 pm. i went out for a walk earlier with apollo. i wrote asks to a friend here on tumblr. new books.#new game. plans to make an fc in ffxiv. i ate what i could. i got up even when it hurt. i'm playing gbf again. i'm rlly happy abt that#perhaps it's not enough for me. i can't get rid of my heavy regrets so easily. but acknowledging what i have done that was good enough#trying my best to be kind to myself in this moment even though i feel like crying. acknowledging my pain. maybe. maybe that's#i'm listening to ashes of dreams rn fuck i'm actually going to cry i think bulbel is next in my queue i#it hurts yes n i feel like crying right now but there's. this ache in my chest that replaced the cold emptiness earlier#maybe that's not a good thing uhh but the warmth. that warmth. i'm alive i'm real n there's a tomorrow n that's enough hope#it has to be. it fucking has to be. just. little steps. guide my own self slowly n softly like i do for others. i deserve that too.#i'll give it to myself. surely i must owe myself at least that much. being human comes with its many burdens but i don't need to be#so harsh to myself right? ironic saying that right now while i know there's something so dear to me i'm denying right now#it's like i'm a wilting flower fighting against time to stay alive. but the petals slowly decay n it gets colder the longer the dark night#would an outside light help the blossom find its own light? or would it make it disappear. i wonder#did the flower grow to be meant to be undeserving of such kindness? or are there thorns on its petals that serve as an unbeknownst barrier?
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hyunebinnie · 6 months
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i ordered a puppym today.....i was so conflicted for days but life is short and i want to make teenage me proud
The purchase had me skip around the house, smile and make happy gestures, so even if i'd regret it one day, this momentary happiness means the world
Younger me didn't even think twice and while i was So embarrassed about doing certain things or regretted not doing others, i think i had an even better mindset years ago and I want to appreciate the person I was years ago. I am just a coward now but the past me means everything to me
will definitely sew some nice clothes and take manyyy pics
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