#and it's not unreasonable that in said future i might find a partner. or two. or a series of flings. or something

[genderfluid-druid]

on the one hand i never want to live with another person ever again but on the other hand the weather got cold and i pulled out my heavy blankets and the bed is so COMFY and it is absolutely CRIMINAL that not a soul in this vast world is sharing it with me 😤

[acourtofthought]

Hello!

Throughout the books I made a great observation about the dynamics of couples who stayed together, especially those who are partners.

Let's look at characters similar to Azriel in terms of violence: Braxian and Lídia.

They are characters who torture and who are violent. The people who are your companions are violent people. SJM talks about Ruhn and the tough stuff he'll do in prison. He talks about Danika who, even though she is the softest of them, is a warrior person who hid secrets and manipulated situations and people.

Violence didn't scare off endgame couples. Elide wasn't a warrior, but violence didn't scare her, on the contrary, she was born into it. Now let's look at Elain.

The violence of a part of the NC bothers her. Azriel tortures in this place and lets his dark side out.

I don't think Elain would judge Azriel's methods, but that doesn't mean she would embrace that side of him.

Lucien is another one who turns pale with violence, he feels uncomfortable. How do people not realize how well these two match?

SJM was keen to emphasize that Elain has a different strength than her sisters and is a silent dreamer. I see it differently than her sisters who are not afraid of violence.

What do you think SJM means that Elain is a different dreamer? and that her strength is different from her sisters?

This is such a valid point. It's not like SJM couples need to be carbon copies of one another but they need to be able to embrace the darkest part of their other half. Like you said, it's not enough to just be accepting of what the other person does but it needs to not clash with their personal beliefs. Elain might say, "I care for Az and understand why he needs to do this" at first, but there will be some point where he comes home bloody and talking about his day where Elain won't be able to stop herself from thinking, "I wish he didn't have to do this all the time" or "I wonder if he first tried another way to get the information from them." It's incredible how E/riels refuse to see the compatibility of Elucien. Or what's more likely is they do realize the compatibility of Elucien but try to create a Lucien that is less like canon Lucien and make canon Azriel more similar to canon Lucien so Elain and Az can be a better fit. As far as SJM saying Elain is a quiet dreamer I think it's her telling us that Elain has goals and thoughts for her future. She imagines the many things she'd like to do. Whereas Nesta and Feyre were more pragmatic about things ("this task right in front of me needs handled so I'm going to handle it"), I think Elain spends a lot of time in her mind making plans she'd like to someday achieve. Sometimes the problem with dreamers like Elain is they forget to start doing. I know she'll make a difference once she decides to take those steps forward but until she finds that courage to go after what she wants, her dreams aren't taking flight. And the different sort of strength SJM was talking about refers to (I think) Elain's optimistic nature and loving / kind ways. It really doesn't matter what's happened to Elain (death of her mother, death of her father, poverty, losing her fiance, being kidnapped twice), she has never let it really affect her love of those around her. She has never blamed anyone for the things that happened to her, she's never lashed out unreasonable, she takes some time to internalize things then finds a way to move forward again (even if it's just helping out in a garden). It's not easy to remain that way when the world keeps knocking you down. Most of the characters and people in real life turn hard, bitter, jaded. They lose sight of what is good and tend to focus on only the bad that happened to them. Elain's ability to not turn cold is an underappreciated strength.

[pazodetrasalba]

The Gift Outright

Dear Caroline:

Once stripped of the economese lingo, what this post of yours seems to be presenting is a change in attitude in your personal relationships, from the more disinterested to the more self-centric. Such a change does not sound unreasonable, especially so if you've had some negative experiences of giving a lot and receiving a little and of one-sided, heavy emotional investment. And yet I can't help feeling that for all its good sense, its seems a bit too egoistic to match the image that I have of you.

Perhaps it is that my own way of looking at this matches more your older stance. And I am not thinking only of couples: in my experience, it has always paid to be the more generous and altruistic person, and I find the pleasure of giving and of the happiness and gratefulness of the people I love a generally sufficient reward, no matter what the numbers might be in the balance sheet of reciprocities.

And in a way, love, true, absolute love, would be precisely about making your partner better off, but that is probably a benchmark that even my naively idealistic self would recognize as unattainable for the vast majority of people and relationships. We still want our couple to be with us even if we believe they would be better off with someone else, and we fear the changes in personal and professional development that might open future paths for our loved one that might not include us as a fellow traveller. We aren't saints, and are bound to this sublunary sphere, as Alexander Hamilton was wont to quote.

On the other hand, the case can be made that a relationship is the transforming of the two into one while yet remaining distinct, a bit like the burning bush on mount Horeb, Ardens sed virens in the more elegant latin: burning but not consumed. And while we burn in the fires of passion, we don't really become one flesh -except for brief moments of intimacy-, and so it makes perfect sense to maximize and optimize as a couple, and to make sure you receive your fair share as an individual. So it could be said that your change of mind from the sacrificial to the (at least partly) self-fulfilling is not only necessary and good for you, but for the long term happiness, balance and flourishing of the two.

While thinking what to say, Robert Frost's poem came to mind (And forthwith found salvation in surrender. Such as we were we gave ourselves outright), and all those ideas of trust and giving yourself, opening the intimate chambers of your soul to others, and the attendant risks. We are many times reckless on whom we bestow our heart's keys, and should stick to some practical wisdom like the one you formulated here, and which makes me think of one of my favorite fictional female characters: Jane Eyre.

Quote:

There was no harassing restraint, no repressing of glee and vivacity, with him; for with him I was at perfect ease, because I knew I suited him; all I said or did seemed either to console or revive him. Delightful consciousness! It brought to life and light my whole nature; in his presence I thoroughly lived, and he lived in mine. Blind as he was, smiles played over his face, joy dawned on his forehead; his lineaments softened and warmed.

Charlotte Brontë

[minor-solemnity]

Curiosity pt. 4

His features contort with anger and he’s suddenly too close. You hadn’t even seen him move. You take a step back and unlike the time in the library, he doesn’t stop you, merely continues to press into your personal space until your back hits the door behind you. Riddle’s arm flies up to rest next to your head, his long fingers are so close that for a moment you think he might tangle them in your hair.

After that night, you can’t seem to escape Riddle anywhere.

You suppose you shouldn’t be shocked by that. But now that he’s noticed you, now that he’s decided that you’re something to be interested in, it’s as though he takes up all your attention. By far the worst thing, however, is the fact that Marie and Stephanie have decided that he is the best person in the world. In your more charitable moments, you can understand why. From Marie’s perspective, Riddle has protected her future by keeping her trespassing to himself and from Stephanie’s perspective, his silence is a tacit agreement that she should be allowed to continue playing on the house team. Apparently, you are somehow unreasonable for failing to join them in their support of all things Tom Riddle.

“Can we please just drop it?” You grouch as you slump forward in your seat, waiting for Dumbledore to arrive to start the lesson. “I’ve told you both, I don’t want to talk about it.” Stephanie prods you with her wand and opens her mouth to say something but you quickly cut her off, “I’m not being ridiculous. Stop telling me that I’m being ridiculous.” This is the other point of contention between you and your two best friends: you haven’t told them why Riddle held you behind that night. They’ve decided that you’re having a clandestine relationship which would be a laughable notion if it weren’t for the way that your pulse quickened whenever they brought it up.

“Fine. You’re not being ridiculous. He’s looking at you again, though” Stephanie murmurs and smirks at the low groan you emit as your head hits the desk in front of you. You know you should tell them what happened, but you’re not sure how to without making it seem as though you’re being unfairly suspicious. (Which is maybe an indication that you are, but that’s neither here nor there.) It’s just that… You know Riddle is persistent - he’s told you multiple times - and you know that you have an awful habit of refusing to let an issue drop. They’ll accuse you of being hypercritical but something about the way Riddle acts around you sets you on edge. You don’t know what it is about him, just that there’s something strange about the way he treats you compared to everyone else.

Thankfully, your interrogation is effectively cut short as Dumbledore enters the room at that moment, sweeping past you in a whirl of canary yellow robes. “If you’d all like to pair up, we’ll be practising our colour-morphing today, class. And remember: non-verbal if you can.” With a flick of his wand, a dozen brightly coloured songbirds in gilded cages appear on the desks in front of you. Transfiguring live animals is always more difficult, and transfiguring something as specific as the colour even more so. You find yourself grinning at the challenge.

Before the three of you can fall into your usual squabble about who has to be the one to find a different person to partner up with, a shadow falls across your desk and you don’t have to look up to know exactly who it is. “Would you care to partner up?” Riddle asks and next to you Stephanie all but cackles. Obviously, he hears her - she’s making no effort to cover up her amusement - but his expression doesn’t change at all as he smiles politely down at you. After a second, he raises an eyebrow expectantly and you realise with a sinking feeling that there is really no way you’ll be able to get out of this. Marie and Stephanie have already grabbed their songbird and are watching you with joint expressions of amusement.

“… Sure.” You say at last and slowly you grab your bag and follow him to where he’s stationed himself at the side of the classroom. You frown slightly. Riddle usually sits close to the front in all his lessons, but now you think of it, in Dumbledore’s classes, he seems to try and make himself as invisible as he possibly can. You settle in the chair opposite him and watch as he places the songbirds cage carefully down in the middle of the desk. The silence seems to stretch for an uncomfortably long time between you but he doesn’t seem affected by it at all. He just watches you with a mix of amusement and expectation dancing in his eyes. Ridiculously, you find yourself wanting to impress him. “So,” You say when the quiet becomes too much, “Do you want to go first, or shall I?”

A small smirk spreads across his lips and he draws his wand out from his robes. Your eyes track his movements with more interest than you care to admit. His wrist twists in an expert motion and your little blue songbird shimmers for a moment before the blue of its feather seems to melt into deep emerald green. You absolutely do not think about what else he might be able to do with such clever hands. You’re absolutely not impressed that he succeeded in the colour-morphing transfiguration on his first attempt. Non-verbally. He did it non-verbally. He looks back at you and to your frustration, he still doesn’t speak, just keeps that pleasant smile plastered on his face like there is nothing odd about the situation you find yourself in at all.

“Right. Well done, then, I suppose.” You mutter and retrieve your own wand. You pretend you don’t notice the way his gaze becomes a little more focussed. Why does this feel like a test? Why does this feel like a test you want to pass? You shut your eyes for a second, allowing your mind to go blank and still. Slowly you think of the incantation, rolling the syllables over in your mind until they reverberate around your skull. You open your eyes, swish your wand in a precise flick and watch as the bird shifts colour from green to purple. It’s not as neat as Riddle’s own casting you note with no small amount of displeasure; the change takes longer and the tips of the bird’s feathers are a lighter shade of purple than the rest of it.

However, for a first attempt, you are fairly impressed with yourself. It seems Riddle is as well, because his pleasant smile has disappeared and he’s watching you closely now, dark eyes flicking between you and the bird. He hums in something like approval and you tamp down your desire to preen. “That was… impressive. Your first attempt at the spell?” You nod, not quite meeting his gaze. “So you’re talented at Transfiguration.” He says slowly, as though he’s piecing something together. Again, you nod. “Talented enough, to say, transfigure something into a quill, perhaps?”

Fuck.

His smile returns, sharp and pleased. He opens his mouth to say something but is cut off when Dumbledore appears at your desk, smiling congenially. “I don’t believe I’ve seen you two working together in this class before,” He clasps his hands and looks down at you as though he can see right through you. Despite his placid tone, you think you catch an undercurrent of something else lurking just beneath the surface of his statement. “Have you managed the spell? We wouldn’t want to be wasting valuable lesson time chatting, would we?” You think distantly that you should be grateful for Dumbledore’s interruption except… Well, he’s never told you off for chatting in class before. And he’s never looked at you the way he’s looking at Riddle.

And you’ve never seen Riddle look as uncomfortable as he does right now. His smile has slipped from his face as quickly as it came. He stares straight past you and when he speaks, his voice is a quiet, reserved monotone. “You are the biggest proponent of inter-house cooperation, Sir.” Dumbledore doesn’t stop smiling but he does raise an eyebrow as though he doesn’t believe a word of what Riddle has just said. You find yourself wanting to come to his defence.

“We’ve both managed it, Sir. First time round.” You try not to shift under the scrutiny of your professor. “Riddle - sorry, Tom’s was near perfect.” Which is annoying to admit but also true. Riddle (Tom?) glances at you and you’re not stupid enough to mistake the look in his eye for gratitude but at least it’s better than that shuttered, flat stare. Dumbledore says nothing in response and the rest of the lesson passes unremarkably though you can’t shake the confusion over what just transpired between you, Riddle, and Dumbledore. Soon, everyone around you is packing their things and heading out the door to lunch. You’re still trying to figure out what it is about Dumbledore that makes Riddle so uneasy that it takes you a moment to realise that the classroom has emptied out entirely. You hastily grab your own things and shove them into your bag.

You’re almost at the door when Riddle’s voice cuts through your thoughts. “We still haven’t discussed what we found out today,” He calls and because your back is turned to him, you don’t bother to hide your grimace. You had really hoped you’d be able to avoid this conversation.

“Why don’t you sit at the front in Dumbledore’s classes?” You ask suddenly, desperate for a distraction.

Riddle’s eyes flash with something that you’re beginning to recognise as tamped down anger before his expression shutters. He runs a hand through his hair and your eyes don’t track the way his waves fall in slight disarray. “Dumbledore and I have a… difficult relationship. I haven’t a clue why,” He’s lying. You know he’s lying. “It’s just always been that way.” The finality in his voice signals the end of the conversation, but you don’t want to let it drop. Not now you know he’s lying and certainly not now he knows that you did find something in Larkins’ office.

“Really? It certainly didn’t seem that way to me.” You counter, sounding a lot more confident than you feel. “It seemed to me like he has a very good reason not to like you. I wonder what it could be? Maybe you should be careful poking around other people’s secrets when you clearly have a few of your own.”

His features contort with anger and he’s suddenly too close. You hadn’t even seen him move. You take a step back and unlike the time in the library, he doesn’t stop you, merely continues to press into your personal space until your back hits the door behind you. Riddle’s arm flies up to rest next to your head, his long fingers are so close that for a moment you think he might tangle them in your hair. Your stomach drops with something that is definitely not anticipation at the thought. From this angle, the shadows of his cheekbones that much more pronounced, the waves of his hair fall messily across his forehead and he stares down at you with impossibly dark eyes, breathing hard. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this close to coming undone and your treacherous body reacts to that realisation in kind. Your breath hitches in your throat and you feel yourself start to flush. You’re not sure how long you stay there, the two of you glaring at each other whilst your pulse races. Eventually, though, his breathing calms down and his arm drops to his side. He leans back and seems to collect himself.

“I’d like it if you refrain from asking me questions about Dumbledore in the future.”

“And I’d like it if you refrain from asking me questions about my own personal business, but here we are,” You retort. He blinks, evidently surprised by your reaction and then something breaks in his expression and he laughs once sharply.

“You are the most frustrating person I think I’ve ever met. Why won’t you just tell me? You know I’ll figure it out. Or I’ll make you tell me.” He’s just insulted and threatened you in the same breath and you think you should probably be irritated by that, but there’s something odd about the way he’s speaking to you. He doesn’t… sound angry? Or like he’s trying to scare you into compliance. No… he sounds… You shake your head. It doesn’t matter what he sounds like. You’re being ridiculous.

“Why do you care so much?” You ask, gesturing wildly. “I know you care as little as I do about quidditch, I know that you’re not going to do anything with the information, so why do you care so much?” And somehow you do know that. This is a game to Riddle. It’s a puzzle he hasn’t been able to solve, and, like you, he’s not very good at letting things go.

The next word he speaks confirms your suspicions. “Curiosity.”

You blink up at him and you know he’s telling the truth. (Since when have you been able to pick up on these things about him?) He doesn’t stop you when you turn and walk hurriedly out of the classroom. You don’t look back. It’s only when you reach the ground floor that you realise you know exactly what he had sounded like. He’d sounded like he’d been having fun.

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6)

[thenovelartist]

Burned Beginnings, Chapter 9

<<Previous  Next>>

25. Shooting Star

“If you could wish upon a shooting star, what would you want?”

Leaning back further in her balcony lounge chair, Marinette looked up to the sky to spot the few stars whose glitter could surpass the light pollution Paris offered. “Can you even really see them?”

In the chair beside her, Adrien turned his head up towards the sky. “Well, not really, but if you could, what would you wish for?”

Marinette hummed. “Like, what kinda wish are we talking about? Are we talking a genie wish or realistic wish?”

“Um… realistic wish,” Adrien answered. “Specifically, it’s been a little while since you decided not to pursue fashion, so have you decided what to do next?”

Marinette looked at him, only to see him looking inquisitively back at her. “Not quite yet,” she said before turning back to the sky. “I guess the more time goes on, the more that a part of me wants to have a job that would allow me to be around clothes in some way.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I had to take a little time away from designing to clear my head, but… I think I’m ready to start picking things up again because I miss it.”

“I’m really glad to hear that,” Adrien said, his voice earnest and gentle and soothing.

“I’m not quite sure what that future looks like yet,” Marinette confessed. “But I think I’m ready to start moving forward on it. I’ll do some searching, maybe look for a boutique or tailor shop to work at.”

“I think that sounds like a really good idea, Marinette.”

She turned back to Adrien, only to melt under his affectionate gaze. With this man at her side supporting her like that, she felt like she really could do anything she put her mind to.

“Enough about me,” she said, shifting in her chair so as to face him better. “What about you? What’s your wish? Don’t think I forgot our promise you made me.”

“I didn’t,” he assured, twisting in his own seat to face her more. “I’ve been looking. And don’t judge me, but… I decided that I want to continue working for your parents.”

“Yeah?”

Adrien nodded. “I’ve done my own soul searching, thinking about what kind of jobs I might take. Deciding if I wanted to go to university or find a trade job. Laid out all my options that sounded interesting along with all the pros and cons of those jobs on so many pieces of paper that I lost my desk under that pile. And what I came to is me realizing I’m really happy with where I’m at and the people I’m working with. I did think about going to my old fencing school, though, and taking up that pastime again. But I’m uncertain if my reputation would precede me or not.”

Marinette shrugged. “If that’s what you want to do, doesn’t hurt to try.”

A small smile picked up Adrien’s lips. “We’ll see. I won’t rule it out yet until I know the answer.”

“As happy as I am to hear your progress,” Marinette began. “I also can’t help but wonder if you will for sure be happy with that. Because I feel like there’s more that you’re not telling me.”

For a moment, Adrien studied her with a small amount of surprise before relaxing with a sigh. “You really know me, don’t you?”

“Well, you do return the favor,” she said with a wink.

He huffed in amusement. “Yeah… guess I do.” He then took a fortifying breath. “Marinette, I definitely should have asked you this before I proposed, so I’ll ask you now. Do you want kids?”

Marinette’s brow furrowed in confusion before her stomach twisted into a knot. “Did we really never talk about that?”

A slight panic began to settle in Adrien’s expression. “No, I don’t think it ever came up.”

Exasperated, Marinette tapped her forehead with her fist. “Wow, what a fail,” she muttered before turning back to him. “Yeah, I do want kids. Two or three sounds like a good number. Is that okay with you?”

Marinette watched as Adrien’s shoulders relaxed as relief washed over his face, and she took that as a good sign. “Two or three sounds amazing.”

“Good,” Marinette said, feeling a sense of relief settle over her, as well. “I’m glad.”

“That being said,” Adrien continued. “Back to me working here, part of me wants to take up your parents’ legacy and then one day, be able to give the option of passing on the legacy to our kids.”

A gentle breeze blew by them, yet despite that, Marinette still felt her cheeks grow hot. “You…”

Adrien grinned. “I mean, there might end up being some other place I’d like working, but for the first time, I feel like I belong somewhere. I belong with you and your parents who’ve welcomed me with open arms. And cherishing and protecting that is more important than my job, you know? So, I want to stay here and be a part of this warm place with the people I care about and build something around this warmth. That’s my dream.”

Her heart hurt. She wasn’t even sure why it hurt, only that there were too many thoughts and feelings and emotions piling on top of each other and weighing on her heart. “Oh Adrien.”

She stood from her own seat, only to plop down in Adrien’s lap. He grinned, instantly cuddling her close to his heart and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You mean the world to me, Marinette. And I don’t really care anymore about shooting for the stars when I can have something far more grounded and stable and warm right where I’m at.”

She settled against him, nestling under his chin and relishing just being there with him. “Only if that’s for sure what you want.”

“It is.”

“Then you will always have my support.”

He squeezed her close once again, holding her tightly. It spoke all the words she needed to hear, yet he still whispered, “Thank you so much, Marinette. I love you so much.”

She smiled, feeling warm and oh-so-very-happy. “I love you, too.”

 26. Moonlit Dance

It had taken months of planning and scoping out venues and securing everything needed. But finally, things were almost completed and the wedding was a month away.

Adrien was stoked.

However, there was still one thing he and Marinette had to sort out.

“We are not waltzing at the wedding.”

“Aww. Why not, princess?”

Marinette’s nose crinkled as she pouted. “Because…”

“Because?...” Adrien prodded. He didn’t think he was being unreasonable considering he’d let Marinette plan most of it and only wanted a couple things himself, this one included. Marinette had originally agreed… before hearing what it was.

“Because I don’t want to accidentally step on your toes.”

Adrien snorted in his attempt to hold back a laugh. “Come on. I’ll show you. It’s not that hard.”

“I seriously doubt that.”

“Oh?” Adrien raised a brow, growing grin on his face. “Is that a challenge?”

Marinette glared at him.

He chuckled then held out his hand for her to take as he bowed before her like a dance partner would. “Come on, princess. Partake in this moonlight dance with me.”

Marinette looked around the balcony they stood on, one covered with her chairs and a little table and basket plants. “There’s like… no room up here.”

He… had to concede to that. “Not for a waltz, no, but that’s not the point.”

Marinette glanced at his hand before looking back up at him, the fight leaving her eyes. “You really want to?”

“Well,” Adrien drawled out, feeling a bit mischievous. “If I’m being perfectly honest with you, this isn’t quite the moonlight dance I’d like to do with you.”

He watched confusion shroud Marinette’s face. “Huh?”

In a flash, he snatched her hand, pulling her flush with his chest. She gasped at the action, her eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. Chuckling, Adrien lowered his lips next to her ear. “Yup, but the wedding is a month away, so I can wait until then,” he whispered.

Marinette, sharp as she was, caught his implication immediately. Sputtering, she shoved his chest, pushing away from her. “A-adrien!”

It was rare whenever Adrien caught Marinette totally off-guard like this. Normally, she had the upper hand or at the very least was able to retort back. But to see her so flustered stoked a fire in him, and if anyone thought he was going to waste the opportunity he was given and not continue to press his luck as far as it could go, they were wrong. “Awww, what’s with the surprise, princess? No witty comebacks today?”

She pouted, turning her face away, likely to hide the blush on her cheeks. “Oh, shut up.”

He snorted a laugh. “Wow, you’re really off your game if you’re resorting to snapbacks like that.”

“And you’re nothing but a tomcat if your head goes to the gutter with the words ‘moonlight dance’.”

“Only if it gets under your skin.”

“... okay, that was purposefully bad wording.”

“Look whose head is in the gutter now.”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “Why do you always have to start these things?”

“Um, excuse me, but I have a hickey on my collarbone that says otherwise.”

She huffed, turning her head away and remaining silent

Adrien grinned, stepping up closer to her once again. “Oh? Did a cat catch your pretty tongue? Let me see.”

Before he could pull her face back towards him, she turned, sticking her tongue out at him.

And he caught her face in his hands and kissed her.

It didn’t last long, but he had made sure to kiss her hard and fierce, wanting to keep her surprised and on her toes. “Aww,” he teased once he had forced himself to pull away. He had to restrain himself to not immediately go back in for more. “This cat almost caught it.”

She looked positively red now. “Adrien, I swear…”

“Hmm?” he goaded. “What was that? Couldn’t quite catch the end of tha—mmpf!”

She didn't let him finish. She dug her fingers in his hair and yanked him closer, smashing her lips on his.

Oh, it was on.

He shoved her backwards. She struggled against him, not wanting to let him win. She never wanted to let him win. But they’d done this enough times for Adrien to know she wasn’t mad about his actions, or else she would have stopped and told him to knock it off.

Since she didn’t, he took that as an okay to keep shoving her backwards into the wall. She moaned into his mouth, suddenly using the wall to her advantage and pressing her body against him, and Adrien practically forgot how to breathe.

Gradually, what had started a battle slowed to a sensual tango as lips and tongues and hands lead and followed in time. Adrien was going to die between the way Marinette raked her fingernails along his scalp and across his shoulders and down his arms and…

Shit, what were they doing again? Because Adrien’s mind was shrouded in a thick haze that only allowed him to think of one thing.

Marinette.

She won this battle. Just like she did every time. He was such a goner when it came to her that he rarely minded. If marrying this woman meant she’d harass him within an inch of his life then turn around and black his mind out like this…

Where did he sign up and how fast could he do it?

It took him until much much later to realize the answers were A) he already had and B)less than a month’s time.

 27. Future Kids

It was a week after the wedding, and Marinette and her idiot husband were just getting back from their honeymoon. The amount of make-up both of them would be wearing for the next week was shocking. And that was just on the visible marks they’d left on each other.

“Home sweet home,” Adrien said, opening the door to his-apartment-turned-their-apartment. He still had half a year left on his lease, in which time they’d go on the hunt for a new place. For now, the challenge of living together would be complicated less by moving. And it was best not to break the lease early if they could help it.

“My boxes are still everywhere,” Marinette commented, referring to the fact she’d brought several boxes of her things over. She still hadn’t moved all her stuff over yet, half her sewing supplies still residing in her parents’ house for the time being until they figured out where everything would go in the small place.

“You’re just settling in. I don’t mind it for now.” Adrien then turned to her, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her in close. “This mess just means I get to have my wife live with me now.”

Marinette couldn’t help but smile, but before she could say a word, her phone went off. Adrien pouted, muttering something about the phone stealing her away, but she just laughed it off before checking it anyway.

“Oh, is it your mom?” Adrien said, looking at her phone as well. “Answer that.”

She shook her head. Adrien loved her parents and her parents loved him. Had Marinette not married him, they probably would have adopted him.

She answered the phone. “Hey, maman. I’ve got you on speaker.”

“Hey, Sabine,” Adrien said, sunny smile back on his face.

“Hi, Adrien,” her maman warmly greeted. “I won’t make this long for now, but you know Tom and I want to hear all about your trip. So, how about you come over for dinner tonight?”

“Yes!” Adrien instantly answered.

“Glad to hear it. Then I’ll see you both tonight at seven?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Um, I’m still here,” Marinette cried, good-naturedly.

“Sorry, sweetie,” her maman said with a giggle. “But it’s not like you have objections to that, right?”

Actually, Marinette did have objections, but she also knew that her parents were either going to ask her now or later, and since that ‘later’ might end up being during work, she might as well get it out of the way now. “No. No objections.”

“Great. Then I’ll see you both tonight.”

“See you then, Sabine.”

“Bye, Maman.”

“Bye, you two.”

After Marinette hung up, the smile dropped from her face as she sighed.

“Huh? Something wrong?” Adrien asked.

“No, not necessarily.”

“Yeah? What’s ‘not necessarily’ entail?”

Marinette took a breath. “Maman and Papa are going to start with asking about the trip, but I know them, specifically my papa, and at some point during this conversation, they—specifically Papa—are going to ask when they can expect grandkids.”

Seemingly unperturbed, Adrien just shrugged. “And we say ‘we don’t know yet’. Field the questions. It’s not like we don’t want kids, but neither of us know when the best time would be to start for them. Easy.”

“You say that now,” Marinette grumbled.

Adrien tilted his head, looking a little like a confused puppy.

Cute.

“Is that the wrong answer?”

“No,” Marinette dismissed. “It’s just that you say it so easily.”

“When it comes to your parents, talking with them is easy.”

“Then I’ll let you field those questions,” Marinette said, slipping out of his embrace. “I am going to go shower.”

“Oh, can I come with?” Adrien asked, sparkle in his eye and hope in his voice.

She scoffed, feeling a little bit of heat creep up her neck. “No, because I actually want to shower.”

“So do I.”

“Then wait your turn.”

“Why, though? Can’t I just come with you?”

“I don’t know. Will you behave?”

“I promise!”

Marinette huffed. “Yeah, I know what happened over the honeymoon. I don’t believe you.”

“So cruel,” Adrien said, pantomiming being stabbed in the heart. “It wasn’t like you slipped into the shower against my will two nights ago.”

Marinette paused. She supposed she did do that.

But considering what followed, it was hardly ‘against his will’.

“So…” His smile suddenly turned devious, and Marinette found herself thinking that grin was incredibly hot. “I guess I’ll just have to call ‘fair fair’ and return the favor.”

Okay, whatever you say, Hot Stuff. Do your worst.

She shoved that thought down as quickly as it came up, knowing she had to remain responsible or else they were totally going to miss dinner. She checked the time on her phone, biting her lip in deliberation. “Here’s the deal,” she eventually said. “Set an alarm; we shut this whole thing down with plenty of time to make ourselves presentable before we go over there.”

Adrien looked like a cat that got the cream, and Marinette knew by the racing of her heart that she was in trouble. But she’d realized during her honeymoon that she’d signed up for this.

She’d also realized during the honeymoon that she really didn’t mind.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

I've been thinking about your Ruthari angst prompts and idk if that's even allowed 😅 but what do you think about a mixture of 3 and 11? 👀

Okay, so I wanted to play with the arranged marriage au for a bit, and these two lines landed like they might be part of negotiations. So here you go:

“What would you do if I didn’t come back?” and “How am I supposed to go on?”  

“What would you do if I didn’t come back?” Runaan paced slowly at Ethari’s side as they circled the fog-shrouded gardens of the Silvergrove Council House for the seventh time, matching the craftsman’s easy amble. The assassin had begun their negotiations with his hands clasped behind his back as they trod the well-worn path just inside the pale filigree wall that ringed the grounds. Now they hung loose at his sides, after over an hour of conversation that gradually found its rhythm. Ethari was surprisingly easy to converse with, so far. Runaan wasn’t certain he really approved of the taller elf’s playful mindset, but his easy forgiveness and acceptance had soothed away a lot of Runaan’s initial worries.

Runaan kept his face carefully forward as they walked, not wishing to indicate any weakness by glancing Ethari’s way too often, but he kept Ethari’s boots in the corner of his eye so he didn’t walk too fast and leave him behind.

I could. I could leave him behind. I’m faster, stronger. But my life has never been mine to direct. It belongs to Xadia. And so does my heart. Runaan took a slow breath as Ethari thoughtfully contemplated his reply, nibbling at his lip. My heart for Xadia. So, my heart for Ethari, as much as I can manage it.

“I suppose,” Ethari began slowly, “I would do whatever the council wished me to do.”

That was the best answer Runaan could have expected. Ethari had a deep sense of duty that overrode his personal feelings, just as Runaan did. Another thread of tension loosened in his shoulders. No one understood duty like an assassin, but the council had selected Ethari from among all the eligible craftsmen in the Silvergrove. He was the best they could find. But Runaan was the one who’d marry him, and he needed to be sure, too. And now, to his relief, he was sure. Ethari was willing to do his duty, no matter what.

Good. He’ll need that as much as I do.

“Would they make me marry the next assassin leader, too, do you suppose?” Ethari continued. He looked further ahead on their circular path, as if he could see such a dark future already looming.

Runaan blinked in surprise. He shifted himself out of the equation--an easy habit of long practice--and considered the idea. “It depends on what sort of match we have, I think.”

“How do you mean?” Ethari’s voice was carefully distant, unwilling to give any indication of interest either way.

Runaan pouted thoughtfully. “Well, if we match well in skill, if your crafting is of high quality and I perform admirably with your weapons, then the council will be inclined to match you with another assassin so you can continue to perform your valuable services.”

“Hmm.”

Runaan glanced over from beneath a single raised brow at Ethari’s noncommittal noise. “You don’t agree?”

“Does the council take feelings into consideration in situations like that?” Ethari asked.

“Feelings?” Runaan scoffed lightly. Feelings never protected anyone from anything. They were more likely to cause chaos than bring order.

Ethari shot him an uncertain glance. “Yes, feelings. What if...?” He looked away abruptly.

“You worry they would match you with a woman?” Runaan guessed.

A tiny smile flickered at the corner of Ethari’s lips and vanished. “That wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Oh. What, then?”

Ethari glanced across the gardens, to where the lacy arches of the Council House faded into the mist. “Can I ask you for a favor, Runaan?”

Runaan’s spine straightened. A personal request from his intended? This was the sort of thing he would be expected to agree to, wasn’t it? They were to be partners, allies, for the protection of Xadia and the Silvergrove. But soft subjects were merely practice for the important things. That was Runaan’s takeaway after Tiadrin sat him down and gave him a thorough talking-to, anyway. “Of course,” he responded. He had no idea what to expect, but he was intensely curious what could prompt Ethari to ask for a personal boon just then. “Anything you like.”

The craftsman’s eyes scanned the foggy garden until he spotted something that met with his approval. He held out a broad-palmed hand toward Runaan. “Will you come with me for a moment?”

Runaan stilled, studying the outstretched hand so easily offered. I suppose I should get used to this elf’s touch sooner rather than later, he reasoned. Slowly, he placed his gloved hand in Ethari’s, resting it there as lightly as a landing bird.

Ethari grinned warmly and gave Runaan’s hand a gentle squeeze. Then he towed him past a couple of short fruit trees that were just budding their spring leaves, until they were entirely hidden from sight, against the outer wall of the gardens. He pulled Runaan to face him and gave him a secretive smile. “Here, this’ll do.”

Runaan glanced around uncertainly. “For what?”

Ethari glanced down, suddenly bashful. “I, I thought we should kiss. To get used to it. They’ll expect it of us in public from time to time.”

Runaan’s brows lowered. “We don’t have to kiss.”

Ethari’s shoulders slumped a little. “Do you mean right now, or... ever...?”

Runaan’s expression tightened as he struggled with these unfamiliar notions Ethari was creating in him. “We are to be wed for the good of the SIlvergrove, Ethari. You are a craftsman of immense skill, and I am to become the leader of the assassins. Our union will stabilize the chaos of the past few years and ensure a brighter future for everyone. Kissing...” Runaan shook his head slowly, baffled. “Kissing doesn’t enter into it.”

“Kissing doesn’t--?” Ethari blurted. “Runaan...”

Perplexed at Ethari’s sudden outburst, the assassin took a moment to look him up and down, seeking some reason for his intense reaction. But he saw only a tall, frustrated craftsman before him, clearly in on some secret Runaan did not possess. It seemed he’d have to ask out loud for it. “What?”

“You fool.” Ethari’s hands were on his cheeks in a heartbeat, pulling him closer. Runaan’s sound of protest was trapped in his mouth as Ethari’s lips found his, hard and urgent, driving him back against the garden wall. Runaan backed into it with enough force to  draw a grunt from his chest.

Ethari chased him there, pressing himself flush against Runaan, pinning him with writhing eagerness. At the sound of Runaan’s grunt, he let out a low, grinding moan to match, sieving his fingers into the assassin’s hair.

Don’t stab him. Do not stab him. He wouldn’t understand. This is for Xadia. The thought flared red in Runaan’s mind, tangled and fragmented by a truly frightening amount of heated sensations that burst out of nowhere and swarmed him like a cloud of moon moths seeking escape, finding none. What is... what is he doing to me... what is this...

A stifled groan slipped through Runaan’s teeth. Instead of shoving Ethari away as he felt would be proper for such an uninvited assault, Runaan found his hands knotting in Ethari’s shirt and tugging him closer still. He wrapped a leg around Ethari’s ass and snugged their bodies together, lost in the grip of unreasoning neediness.

“Nnngh.” Ethari’s moan nibbled its way along Runaan’s jaw and nipped at the delicate skin beneath his ear. Runaan arched against his lips, tilting his chin up, bucking his hips forward with a soft cry.

Ethari steadied himself with a grip on a swirly amid the pattern in the filigree wall. His other hand teased beneath the lower edge of Runaan’s shirt, and his words rang breathlessly in Runaan’s ear.  “Runaan... I’ve always loved you... always... You make me so happy, this is a dream come true...”

“Aah!” Runaan tore himself away and stumbled a couple of steps sideways, panting heavily. His body throbbed in all the best places, his skin was flushed, his pupils blown. But he held out a hand to ward Ethari off. “You tricked the council?” he puffed. “You lied to them?”

Bereft, shocked, Ethari made an abortive reach toward Runaan and then stopped. “What? No!”

“They asked me if I had any attachments.” Runaan’s voice was cold, but why wouldn’t Runaan’s heart settle? It insisted on galloping across the Forest like a wild moonstrider. “I said no, so I was approved for consideration. And it was the truth.”

“I... Runaan, it wasn’t a lie! I’d never told you. There was no attachment to lie about.”

“There was in your heart.”

Baffled, breathless, desperate, Ethari took a step forward with his hands out pleadingly. “How is that a bad thing? I told them nothing of my feelings. I let them decide, for the good of the Silvergrove. And now that it’s decided, I’m telling you the truth! Isn’t that what couples do when they trust each other?”

Runaan’s brows drew down, and he thought searchingly through the wild storm of his feelings, seeking the hard edges of something reliable. Ah. There. He tucked his hands behind his back--the better to keep them off this deceptively charming elf before him--and straightened up into a formal assassin pose. “That’s just it, Ethari. I don’t trust you. We don’t know each other that well. And we’re not a couple. We’re a team--or trying to be--serving Xadia first and foremost. And you just admitted that you’re capable of deceiving the whole village council--and me--to get what you want. You told me you’d marry whoever the council paired you with, if I fell, but that’s not true, is it? You’ve put your needs above those of the many. And that, I cannot abide.”

Genuine fear bled across Ethari’s face as Runaan’s words sank in. “Runaan, please don’t... Are you calling this off?” His bottom lip trembled, and he pressed a shaking fist against his mouth. “Please don’t tell me I’ve ruined everything, please, please...” He closed his eyes and stood there, vulnerable, exposed. “You’re right. You’re right. It probably isn’t true. If I lose you to the humans someday, I won’t want to marry another. I just want to be with you. If...” His sunset eyes searched the mists for answers and flew back to meet Runaan’s stern gaze. “If I lose you--later, or right now--how am I supposed to go on?”

Runaan’s jaw worked as he stared at the pleading craftsman. His touch had been electric, dazzling. Runaan craved it again already. But such neediness would be an imbalance that could cost him in a critical moment--and if he fell, then his entire purpose was at risk. His head scrambled for distance even as his heart thrummed with eager heat. “I cannot trust you, Ethari. That must be the base tenet of this relationship, or we cannot serve Xadia as it requires.”

In true distress, Ethari grabbed his own horns and turned away, pacing erratically, muttering “No, no, no” through his teeth. Then he whirled back to face Runaan. “Please, I promise you, I won’t give you any further cause to doubt me. Let me prove myself. I’ll do anything. Just tell me what you need.”

Runaan stalked closer until they stood nose to nose. “I need you to give your heart to Xadia. Not to me.”

“Done,” Ethari blurted. His gaze clung to Runaan’s face, and he trembled with tension, his fate hanging in the balance.

Runaan’s gaze betrayed him, falling for a single moment from those urgent eyes to his intended’s full lips, before snapping back up. He gritted his teeth, tugged his shirt smooth of Ethari’s recent elfhandling, and added roughly, “And don’t you dare kiss me again. You’re lucky I didn’t stab you.”

Ethari looked down. “I’m sorry. It... won’t happen again.” His voice faded to a whisper like a wounded animal crawling into the shadows to die.

“How am I supposed to go on?” Ethari’s words echoed in Runaan’s mind, and he relented a little. “Wait. This is to be an alliance. I must consider your feelings, however... misguided, if we are to make this work, yes?” Ethari will make a solid ally, at least. I cannot say the same for every craftsman in the Silvergrove. I may never find an easier or stronger connection than this.

Ethari looked up from beneath his downcast brows, curious but not hopeful. “I suppose so,” he allowed uncertainly.

Runaan nodded decisively. “Then I’ll do the kissing, when it’s appropriate. You were right: they will expect it from time to time. Does this meet with your satisfaction?”

Ethari stared at him for a long moment and sighed dully. “I’ll take it.“

Runaan’s brows drew together. He’d expected Ethari to be delighted, grateful, that Runaan had considered his feelings and made allowances. Wasn’t that how these negotiations were supposed to work? Moon help me, I may just be making this worse... is it too late to take it all back and just let him kiss me again? That was... hnnngh...

Runaan opened his mouth to admit he was wrong, but Ethari spoke first.

“My heart for Xadia.” The craftsman offered his hand again, hesitantly.

Runaan studied that open palm again. Holding hands. A decent compromise in itself. He took it softly and nodded.

Together, hand in hand and worlds apart, the betrothed elves made their way through the mists to the Council House. For Xadia.

[sailormoonandme]

My thoughts regarding the Usagi/Mamoru age gap

I am writing this in response to this thread.

To be clear as crystal here, this is just my take on the situation.

With all that said, for the sake of argument let's say we are in total agreement that in real life a 14 year old middle schooler and a 17 year old college student shouldn't be dating.*

But that is the key phrase here: 'Real life'.

The thing is...there is no end of fairy tales or media aimed at children that at best start to fall apart or at worst become extremely creepy when you apply a realistic lens to it.

That is the joke about the majority of Disney's canon in fact. For instance, Aladdin was 18 whilst Jasmine was 16. I'm British and over here 16 is the legal age of consent for sex but even so I'm at least iffy on a 16 year old dating an 18 year old. And to trade off some of the comments elsewhere in the above linked thread, you could absolutely argue there was a 'mental gap' between Al and Jas given how she was a sheltered and somewhat naive princess who'd never left the palace and he was a streetwise older guy who'd obviously flirted and charmed his way out of trouble before.

But let's consider a different Disney classic, perhaps their most famous movie, the Lion King.

The Lion King is a beloved and rightly iconic movie but if you take it at face value and realistically (albeit ignoring the fact that animals can talk, sing and are capable of human emotions and cultural references) it's guilty of:

Promoting incest because Simba and Nala would have at best been first cousins (Nala being Scar's daughter) at worst brother and sister. Because that is how lions work. Male lions murder the cubs of other males with the possible exceptions of their brother's cubs where they co-rule a pride. Even with the best case scenario, deleted scenes had Scar try to make Nala his queen and those scenes were reinserted for the hit Broadway musical. So either a brother and sister hook up or two first cousins hook up and a Dad tried to have sex with his daughter.

Promoting racial/class segregation: The Hyenas are from the 'dark shadowy' place and are given traits you can easily interpret as associated with black, Hispanic, Latinex or mentally disabled people. They are also framed with Nazi imagery and it is Scar's decision to let them roam freely that causes famine. Simba beats them, they are forced back to 'where they came from' and all is well.

Promoting authoritarian absolute monarchies. That's the whole movie's plot. Simba must embrace his destiny as the 'rightful ruler' of the pridelands whereby all other animals bow down to him. It's not even like the lions are the ruling class and they are at least democratic amongst themselves, it's literally this ONE specific bloodline that is not only in charge but is SUPPOSED to be in charge. Even if the wrong person from that bloodline is in charge the entire land suffers until the 'right' person takes the throne. That's a pretty terrible and pretty anti-democratic message isn't it, and that's coming from someone who lives in a country WITH a monarchy.

And, I admit this one is a serious stretch, but you could even argue that it's saying two men raising a child is a detriment to said child. Because Timon and Pumba raise Simba into an adult and the movie is very clear that he's grown up wrong, he is not the person he should be because he's embraced Timon and Pumba's upbringing.

So you see...the Lion King is mega terrible.

Except it isn't.

Because we all have the cognitive ability and understanding to grasp that you are not SUPPOSED to take it that realistically nor at face value. Even as children we grasped that, hence the generation that grew up with the Lion King (by and large) obviously don't think incest is okay, don't oppose same sex couples raising children, don't think segregation is a good idea and clearly do not think monarchies are the bee's knees.

Maybe as kids people couldn't put it into words, but material like this essentially exists in this realm of symbolism, psychological shorthand if you will.

In fact all fairy tales do that.

And Sailor Moon IS a fairy tale, or at the very least it borrows a whole lot from fairy tales.

In addition to being a fairy tale though Sailor Moon is a wish fulfillment fantasy story intended for a female audience (or at least a predominantly female audience).

Now of course what one woman's wish fulfillment fantasy might be may not be another's and I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to argue that Sailor Moon even clicks with the wish fulfillment fantasies of MOST female audience members. But I think it's fair to say from the cultural impact it has had, and how it's fanbase is clearly mostly made up of women, that the wish fulfillment fantasy it offers clicks with a sizeable enough number of women.

The reverse is true of something intended as a male wish fulfillment fantasy. James Bond was obviously intended as a male wish fulfillment fantasy, and it's success speaks to how it clearly clicked with a sizable enough number of people. And I don't think I'm being overly presumptuous here when i say MOST of those people were male.**

Both SM and 007 are wish fulfillment power fantasies but they are also romantic/sexual fantasies too.***

I don't think it's unreasonable to argue that for a sizable number (but not necessarily the majority) of women, including the tween/teen girls SM was aimed at, having an OLDER lover is a romantic wish fulfillment fantasy. On the flipside I don't think it's unreasonable to argue that for a sizable number of men and boys having an endless string of casual and completely consequence free sexual encounters with (traditionally speaking) gorgeous women who find you incredibly attractive is a sexual wish fulfillment fantasy.

And the thing is BOTH those things can become bad when you apply a realistic lens to either of them.

James Bond's sex life realistically would involve at least a few sexually transmitted diseases, unintended pregnancies (one of which occurs in the novels) and at least a few callously broken hearts. Even when you look at it strictly from Bond's POV that life only seems glamorous at first glance. Perhaps it is a fun fantasy, but only when it remains in the realm of fantasy. Because in real life that kind of life if lived long term is ultimately incredibly empty and unfulfilling. Even James Bond media has acknowledged this because there have been occasions in the novels and films where he has at least attempted to settle down with a stable partner. Many Bond fans (understandably) decry this as undermining part of the appeal of the character hence Bond inevitably defaults back to being single because that is a baked in part of the wish fulfillment fantasy the character offers.

Let's consider some other ways the Sailor Moon anime offers a wish fulfillment fantasy, namely the future of Crystal Tokyo.

At first glance it seems wonderfully utopic right. It is a beautiful crystalline world where everyone lives in peace and harmony, hunger disease and even aging having been functionally eliminated.

Well, that isn’t the case if you apply a realistic lens to it.

It's an absolute monarchy wherein everyone is functionally immortal and children don't reach maturity even after 900 years. Chibi-Usa clearly chafes at this reality so how do you imagine other children (who aren't royalty) might feel? How might their parents feel having to raise their children and be responsible for them for centuries as opposed to around twentysomething years? What if you became immortal in your 80s, you might be a very healthy 80 year old but you aren't in the prime of your life and you are stuck that way for what is essentially forever. Not to mention what if you don't like or do not agree with Neo-Queen Serenity's policies? What if they are actively detrimental to you, your family, your livelihood, etc? You can't vote her out of power and you can't even hope for things to change because everyone is healthy, provided for and lives forever. The chances of someone else coming to power are at best very, very, very slim.

Then you have the fact that it’s surely a society that would’ve stagnated because everyone is provided for. That’s the whole point of a utopia. It is perfection. But what if you are someone who defined your live by striving for improvement? What if you were a doctor and now found yourself redundant. Sure, you might acknowledge that’s for the greater good but you are still yourself left completely without purpose in this world.

And that’s not even considering the inevitable monotony of existing for hundreds of years. Modern medicine and science has allowed human beings to extend their life spans FAR beyond how long we’d live if we were still just cave people. As biological organisms are concerned we never evolved to live for 80-90 years. Even if your body isn’t breaking down across the centuries the human mind would never realistically be able to cope with centuries worth of memories and life experiences. Mental illnesses and conditions would be rife. If nothing else living in that world would sooner or later become utterly BORING!

Hate to say it and obviously it doesn’t justify their methods, but the Black Moon Clan kind of have some valid points against the world of Crystal Tokyo. At least they do when you break things down REALISTICALLY.

And that’s my thesis here. Sailor Moon isn’t supposed to be dissected realistically, at least not to THAT degree. It is a wish fulfilment fairy tale fantasy and demands a certain amount of suspension of disbelief and understanding of what the fantasy is offering.

And for the record I can 100% assure that no teenager in real life has, or could, ever get into a harmful relationship with someone older than them BECAUSE they watched Usagi and Mamoru’s relationship in the anime.

The human mind is a very complex and very powerful thing. At a younger age it’s impressionable and can therefore be influenced. But it’s not so susceptible that the romantic relationships in a cartoon about schoolgirl super heroes is going to influence a viewer into making any major life decisions that OTHER factors weren’t also influencing them to do.

In other words if a real life 14 year old girl began dating a 17 year old college guy it would’ve happened regardless of whether they watched Sailor Moon as a child or not.

Indeed, one of my frustrations with the podcast Sailor Business is how many guests on the show cite how they liked Usagi and Mamoru as children but now think their relationship is bad and creepy. I disagree with them for the reasons I cited above, but the fact that those panellists nigh universally give that same narrative proves how nobody was ever going to be prompted to do anything potentially harmful to themselves in real life by the show.

*Personally speaking that is certainly my own off the cuff attitude.

**Not to dismiss the fans who aren't, same goes for the non-female SM fans.

***Although I think you could argue SM is more on the romance side of things and 007 on the sexual side of things.

[chocoholicannanymous]

(Take) These Broken Wings (Glee) 8/?

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, and you couldn’t pay me enough to take responsibility for it.

Post BIOTA: For someone who’d claimed to be his friend Blaine’s behavior sure left a lot to wish for. Hurt and angry Kurt begins to question his situation – and what he can do to change it.

POV: Kurt Hummel. Pairings: kurtofsky, blainchel. Slightly shady relationship-consent. Not Blaine friendly (no suprise at all).

So, not only do you get another chapter already (I know, what happened?) but it’s a long one. You’re welcome. Here’s hoping I can keep this up!

Previous: Part 7, Part 6, Part 5, Part 4, Part 3,  Part 2b, Part 2a, Part 1

8/?

“Mr Schue? Before we get started I have an announcement I'd like to share.”

While most of the New Directions grumbled Rachel ignored them and stood up. Kurt on his part was looking sharply at her, because something was off. Not only had Rachel not mentioned having a song, she hadn't left the seats to stand by the piano.

Yeah, something was up.

“Blaine and I have broken up. I listened to what you were saying, and I have been thinking hard about it, and the truth is that being in rival show choirs was just too big of a stressor on our relationship as was the fact that us being a couple made it so that you all couldn't trust me. It was a hard decision, but I couldn't do anything else. We're going to try and be friends still, of course, but that's all.

“Thank you for listening to me, and for showing me understanding in these trying times.”

With that she sat down, looking demure, and Kurt shook his head a little – a move he got away with only by sitting in the back row.

The only surprising thing here – besides Rachel not taking the opportunity to perform – was how long the breakup had taken. There had even been a betting pool, and “blainchel” (which really, it sounded like a venereal disease) had surpassed every single bet.

Even Santana, who Kurt felt should have been the most supportive in regards to bisexuality, had put them down at two weeks at the most.

He hadn't participated himself, for a number of reason, and in the end was probably the least surprised one.

Yes, Blaine and Rachel had been a very bad fit, but they'd also had a lot of reasons to stay together. Rachel hadn't exactly been subtle in her attempts to rub her new boyfriend in Finn's face, and Blaine... Well, Blaine had had something to prove hadn't he? After all Kurt, had basically called his attempt at dating Rachel a sham and Blaine had not liked that.

There was also Blaine's hints to Burt Hummel that his own dad had tried to make him straight.

Blaine definitely had something to gain from a continued relationship with a girl.

Oh, Rachel probably hadn't been the best choice for that, seeing as the two were not all that compatible. They were just too similar, equally eager for the spotlight, equally needy for attention.

Even if Blaine had decided he was attracted to girls- and Kurt still wasn't sure that was the case – Rachel would always be too occupied with her own need to be admired to give Blaine what he needed.

Case in point? It had taken one week for Rachel to announce a breakup after having being told off for Blaine being a risk for the New Directions. One. Week. She'd spent their entire relationship telling everyone who would stand still – and quite possibly a few that wouldn't – that her relationship with Blaine was all but written in the stars, as would their names be in the future. Together, of course, as they were just such a suited couple, both with the same dreams and ambitions and goals.

And yet as soon as Rachel thought said relationship was risking her solos Blaine was gone. In a fit of cruelty Kurt thought that they both had been looking more for a “biggest fan” than a partner.

Regardless, they were over now and Kurt hoped that it meant he wouldn't have to be subjected to Blaine again.

He cleared his mind of them both – such a waste of valuable seconds – and instead switched from pretending to listen to Mr Schue to actually doing so as the man described the latest development in their quest to not fuck up at Nationals. Oh, he didn't it call it that, but Kurt was fairly adept at translating Mr Scue-isms to reality by now.

Things are about to become interesting...

Kurt perked up and watched Rachel like a hawk. It would be very telling how she reacted to what Mr Schue was about to say – or at least, what Kurt believed the man was about to say based.

“So! To that end I've recruited some more members. Now, they won't be here until next week since I wanted to give you guys a heads up first, and I hope you'll welcome them.”

Eight Cheerios, two of them guys. Five Titans. Exactly the kind of people who never would have signed up on their own, and who most of the Glee kids would never want to sign up.

Everyone turned to stare at Rachel and when she stayed quiet – though, Kurt thought, not without a fight – they looked at him instead.

“What? Are you waiting for me to protest or what, faint in fear or something? We need the numbers, and it's not like we've done that great a job at recruiting on our own. I've worked with the Cheerios and while I can't speak for their singing each and everyone of them mean we can kick our choreography up another notch.

“As for the guys from the Titans... Well. I am going to trust that they're smart enough to not just follow directions – which they clearly managed during the halftime show – but also leave any ideas of bullying outside this room. After all, McKinley's supposed to be free from that now.”

“But, but, Karofsky's one of them!”

Which Kurt already knew. Dave had told him both about being approached and about considering it – It'll look good on college applications. Make me “well rounded” or some shit like that – and Kurt hadn't seen a problem with it. The opposite in fact. After all, Glee had helped turn Finn and Puck around (in varying degrees) and Kurt liked to think that it'd help do the same for more jocks.

“So? I'm sorry, Mercedes, but I am not seeing a problem here. Dave Karofsky has apologized to me. He has made promises to not just me, but to this school, and so far he's kept them. He has been part of my escort around school ever since I came back, and not once has he given me reason to fear him.

“If any of you want to have an issue with him, or any one of the others, joining us that's your right. Just don't expect to use me as a weapon in that fight. Because to be frank? Right now Dave Karofsky has done more to balance his scales than at least half the people in this room.”

And that shut them all down, just as Kurt had know it would.

Curiously, Rachel didn't say a word the entire time.

Another week and a half went by before the other shoe dropped.

It did so in the form of a phone call.

It wasn't a number from his contact list, but Kurt had thought it familiar so he answered anyway. He regretted it immediately.

“Kurt, hello.”

“Blaine.” Why? What did I do to deserve this?

“I was hoping we'd be able to meet up tomorrow, say at the coffee shop two blocks from Dalton? Would 2 o'clock suit you?”

Kurt had to struggle to make his voice work. Not only was Blaine calling him, but he wanted to meet? Was he asleep? Was this a nightmare brought on as punishment for having had a second slice of cheesecake after dinner? He pinched himself, and no, that hurt.

No such luck then.

“I'm sorry, but I have other plans tomorrow. Besides, I can't see what we would have to say to each other.” I definitely said everything I was willing to last time I saw you.

“Come on, Kurt. Don't be like that. Just come tomorrow.”

“Did you not hear me? I have other plans. I'd say sorry, but I'm actually not. Goodbye Blaine.”

When the doorbell rang shortly after 10 the next morning Kurt considered not opening. Somehow he wouldn't be surprised to find out that Blaine had called Rachel to complain about Kurt being mean, or unreasonable, and that she'd come to lecture him about kicking someone who was already down. The problem was that if it was Rachel then not opening would lead to either her ringing the bell again and again until Finn woke up and came to open or her being a bitch in school.

Neither was appealing, so he sighed and went to open.

Pro: It wasn't Rachel. Con: It was Blaine.

“Good morning Kurt.”

“What are you doing here? I told you I have plans.”

“Well, I knew you weren't being honest about that. Mercedes is at Rachel's, having some girl-time.”

Kurt waited for something more, anything, but nothing came.

“So what, you think I have no one to spend time except those two? Nice. I'm sure you'll be happy to find out that's not true. Also, there is such a thing that having plans on your own.”

“But if you're just doing something on your own then surely that can wait, and you can spend some time with me instead.”

“I suppose it could,” and Blaine's smile practically radiated superiority, “if I was doing something on my own, and if I wanted to spend time with you.”

The smile vanished.

“Kurt.”

It was just his name, but Kurt could hear so many things in it. “I'm disappointed in you.” “You're being ridiculous.” Too bad for Blaine that Kurt's done listening to those silent rebukes.

“I don't understand why you're pushing this. The last time I saw you at Dalton we hadn't spoken in weeks. Because you didn't want to.”

“You hurt me!”

“And I have apologized for that. Publicly even. After, I might add, trying to do so repeatedly. I didn't mean to hurt you, or make you feel like I was some kind of phobic, hateful person.

“You on the other hand meant for the other Warblers to shut me out, didn't you? So I guess we're even. I hurt you, you hurt me.”

“See? That means we can start over!”

“No, it doesn't. That's not something I want in my life, Blaine, that balance of payback. That's not healthy, and it doesn't end. After all, what happened was I said something stupid, which I said because I was hurt and angry, and that then made you hurt and angry, which made you act in a way that made me – again – hurt and angry.

“It's a vicious circle, and not one I want or need in my life.”

“Are you saying we can't be friends again? That we couldn't be...more?”

And wow, that came out of left field. It did explain a few things though, like why Blaine had gone so far as to go to Kurt's home though.

Huh.

Blaine was asking him out? Not that long ago that would have made Kurt deliriously happy, and he would have said yes before Blaine even finished the sentence. Now however, now was...different.

When Blaine had fallen head over heels for Jeremiah he’d serenaded the older boy and talked about marriage – all based on a few coffee dates, that Jeremiah hadn’t even seemed to think of as dates.

When Blaine had dated Rachel he’d done so based on drunken kisses and duets. He’d showed up at McKinley at least twice a week, to take her out for lunch or coffee, and always took her to the movies and Breadstix during the weekends. He’d sung to her as well, both in the choir room and backed up by the Warblers out in the quad.

And Kurt? Kurt got an offer for coffee in Westerville after weeks of silence, which wasn't even presented as a possible date. Only a question if they couldn't be something more than friends – and that much only after Kurt pushed. And there hadn't been even a hint of an apology for Blaine's behavior.

“Really? That's where you're going now? You and Rachel broke up, what? A week and a half, two weeks ago? And now you want to date me?”

“Why? Why now, when you weren't the least bit interested before?”

Blaine opened his mouth, probably to protest, which, no. Not acceptable.

“Don't. Back at Dalton everyone knew I liked you. Hell, you knew I liked you – I told you. But you weren’t interested in me. And that’s okay, really. Not liking someone is your prerogative. Just as everything else you’ve done. Sure, you could have changed your mind, that happens, but why now? You didn’t see me as a potential boyfriend until I left Dalton and moved on.

“So I really have to ask why? Especially since you haven't apologized for a single thing you said and did before I left. In fact, you came here still pushing that I hurt you.

“To be brutally honest, it feels as if you’re trying to guilt me into dating you. I said some things that were hurtful and rude, but I did apologize. You don’t get to hold that over my head for the rest of my life, okay? That’s just not how things work.”

Kurt took a deep breath, trying to reign in his emotions.

“We both messed up. Sure, it’s not a competition, but that’s just the way it is.”

Wait...

The coffee shop Blaine had suggested was one Kurt had been curious to try, and he had hinted at going there several times. Blaine had never wanted to go there though, but now he'd suggested it. Maybe he'd done so to please Kurt, and a couple of months ago that would have made Kurt ecstatic. Now it just made him angry. Also very suspicious. Me thinks there's something rotten in the state of Lima...

“Wait. If you were angling for a date, why make me drive all the way to Westerville? We both live here, and I know you don't usually stay at Dalton during the weekends. So why not ask me to meet up at the Lima Bean? The cinema here is a lot better than you'd think, so why not suggest a movie? Or you could have really signaled that you intended it to be a date and made reservations for dinner at Breadstix. I know you are capable of that.

“You had so many options, and instead you want to go to a coffee shop you dissed repeatedly while we were still on speaking terms and insisted we go to the Lima Bean instead. Why?”

Quiet.

“Tell me, or leave.”

Blaine pouted a little at being questioned, but broke down quickly.

“It wouldn't be fair to Rachel to go on dates here. I just can't do that to her. You know what people are like, what they say to her. What do you think they'd say if her boyfriend went from dating her to seeing another guy?”

Kurt hated to admit it, but Blaine did have a point. He could imagine exactly what people would say much to well. Understanding that didn't mean accepting being given only crumbles though.

“So you're saying...what? That protecting Rachel from possible fallout is more important than making me feel valued? At what point would your breakup be far enough in the past for a date that doesn't mean leaving town? At what point would you stop treating me like your dirty secret?”

Kurt looked at the boy he'd thought was Prince Charming and felt empty. Even as he was asking Kurt out Blaine was putting Rachel's comfort and reputation over his. And apparently that meant he wasn’t going to openly date another boy in Lima. Or was that “openly date Kurt in Lima”? Whichever it was, it still hurt.

“You matter” his dad voice whispered in his head, yet Kurt couldn’t help but feel that he didn’t. Not to Blaine. Because if he did, then surely Blaine wouldn’t act ashamed of him?

All this, after having been strung along and rejected for over six months before finally saying enough.

The sad part, the horrible part? Blaine seemed certain it’d work. Not that Kurt didn’t see why – he had, after all, been absolutely pathetic when it came to begging for Blaine’s attention.

Kurt wasn’t sure what was most pathetic now though: the fact that a part of him still wanted to say yes, just to have a boyfriend, or that the only thing holding him back was the boy who’d bullied him, and who’d sent him running towards Blaine in the first place.

He could see himself accepting Blaine’s proposition, could see himself going out with the other boy, pitifully thankful for someone actually asking him out, and just ignoring all the reasons why he shouldn’t. Sure, he was sort of doing the same when it came to Dave, but there was a difference: Dave wasn’t angling to be his boyfriend. Also, with Dave he had an easy way out. There wouldn’t be one with Blaine – not for him.

He looked at Blaine and shook his head. This was pointless.

“Don't bother answering. I am not going to go out with you regardless. Thanks but no thanks, I guess.”

Blaine's blush increased and he started spluttering out a protest of some kind (at least that's what Kurt interpreted it as.)

“Look. I'd like you to leave now. I have, as I've said repeatedly, plans. I don't want to be late because of you.”

“Late? Are you actually meeting someone? Who?”

“Nice to know you think so low about my ability to find people to socialize with. Not that it's really any of your business, but after everything that had been happening I decided I wanted to try and meet more LGBT youth. I had no idea there were so many people I could connect with around here.”

It had been heady, finding all of these teenagers that could relate to what he had gone through growing up, and who were willing to accept him as he was. Not all of them were out, but that meant less to him these days. Besides, when the lion's part of communication and socializing happened online “out” became a completely different thing.

Of course, he wasn't actually meeting any of them now, but Blaine didn't need – or deserve – to know that he was meeting Dave.

“Really? That's great! I could go with you, it'd be great.”

Sigh. There apparently was no way getting through to Blaine that didn't include a verbal version of a 2 by 4.

“No. I have plans. You are not invited. And quite frankly, I can't imagine anyone of my new acquaintances appreciating someone else tagging along without warning. You see, I learned something really important from you. It was something I already knew, but didn't really get. So, I guess thank you for driving the lesson home.”

“And what lesson was that?” Blaine looked a little cautious, which indicated that yes, he actually had a functioning brain.

“You don't out people. Goodbye Blaine.”

And he closed the door, without slamming it – he was tempted, yes, but the way his luck was running he'd crack it or something.

Kurt waited 15 minutes before leaving, just in case Blaine was standing outside waiting to ambush him. Still, as he pulled out of the driveway he kept an eye out for Blaine's car. And there it was.

It was just so Blaine. He had been told, explicitly, that he wasn't welcome to join Kurt and whoever he was meeting – a person Kurt had hinted pretty heavily wasn't out. And Blaine had just decided none of that mattered because he wanted differently. Selfish bastard. He was going to deserve everything Kurt was planning on raining down on him.

Going to the garage was a detour, and not one Kurt really wanted to spend time on, but it was his best bet when it came to getting away.

It being a Saturday meant that Hummel Tires & Lube was running on a minimal staff, for planned jobs and emergencies only. That meant there was plenty of space for Kurt to pull into the fenced yard and park behind the garage. Next he walked through the building, waving at his dad, and peeked through the window. Yup, there he is. Blaine had parked so that he'd be able to see if Kurt left – or so he thought.

“What are you doing here, buddy? I thought you were meeting up with some of your internet friends?”

“Yeah, I am. Only it seems I picked up a stalker.”

Burt looked at him, sharp and worried.

“Mhm. Blaine – from Dalton, remember? – showed up at the house, and for some reason he thought I should agree to go out with him.”

“I thought you said he wasn't interested like that.”

“Yeah, that's what I thought too. After all, not only did I not even try to be subtle, but in the end I straight out told him. His response to that was – more or less – to start dating Rachel. I haven't really spoken to him since he called me a bully for not being supportive enough of that.

“He froze me out completely after that, even though I tried to apologize so many times, and that didn't change after I left.

“Only now he and Rachel broke up, and apparently Blaine thinks I'm still waiting around for him to notice me. I don't know why, because I'm not that much of a doormat, but he sure seems to think so.”

Burt gave him another sharp look.

“You sure about that? Because to me it looks like you were willing to put up with a lot – not just from him either – to get a boyfriend.”

Kurt blushed. He was well aware of his mistakes. Falling at Blaine's feet again was not going to be one of them though.

“Damned sure, dad. If Blaine hadn't insisted on dating Rachel first, then I probably would have agreed. But now? After being passed over not once, but twice? No thank you. Yes, I want a boyfriend. But I deserve someone who will look at me first, not as a backup once all other options have been explored.”

Because that was how Blaine made him feel. Like he was the living version of “two last people on earth”, and damnit if he didn't matter more than that.

“Okay. That's fair. I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself. Now, what about stalking?”

“Well, when I told him that not only did I not want to go out with him but I also had plans – which I had told him when he called yesterday – he tried to invite himself along. Then he followed me here. After I told him he wasn't invited to come along, and that I had no intention of outing the person I was meeting.”

Kurt watched his dad's face turn red, and felt a bit guilty. His dad's heart attack wasn't too far back, after all. But. Needs must.

“Want me to talk to him?”

“Would you? I would be so grateful. And if you'd let me go out through the back I'd be even more so.”

Because that was why he had gone there, in the hopes of using the locked back gate few people thought about. Blaine would most likely never guess to its existence, and even if he did Kurt would be able to leave while Burt Hummel gave “the prep school stalker” a piece of his mind.

As Kurt drove off he kept thinking about Blaine's actions over the past 24 hours. It made no sense. Blaine really had treated him like the last resort. The faithful dog that would come crawling back for petting even after being kicked. And that really wasn't Kurt. Except...

He'd thought Blaine and Rachel a bad match because they both wanted to be the center of attention, something neither of them would get from the other. Kurt however had always been so happy to admire Blaine that he'd constituted a fanclub all on his own. And that, right there, held what Kurt saw as the possible explanation as to why Blaine was now looking to date him instead of one of Dalton's mythological gay or bi boys.

Kurt would have – before the shunning – been happy to make Blaine the most important thing in his life. And as he'd been shown over and over again, most people would never have looked at Kurt when Blaine was there.

Thirty minutes later, stretched out on a picknick blanket with a deliciously heavy body pressed against him Kurt smiled into kisses because Dave? Dave would never look at Blaine if Kurt was around.

Monday mornings were always a downer – coming from freedom and peace to McKinley was never fun, not even with the lessened bullying. This Monday however was in the running for most annoying of the year. In one word: Rachel.

She was laying in wait for him at his locker and started her attack as soon as he was within hearing.

“Kurt? Blaine told me he asked you out, and you turned him down? Why would you do something like that? Surely he must have misunderstood you?”

Blaine again. Kurt was beginning to wish for a time machine so he could go back and tell himself to stay as far away from Blaine as possible at all times.

“I was asking myself that same question for a bit, but if he's saying I turned him down then apparently he did get the message.”

She frowned, obviously not pleased.

“Look, Kurt, I know you have all these ideas about love at first sight and all that, but honestly? You have to be realistic. So it took Blaine some time to get to the point of asking you out – but do you really think it’s fair to punish him for that? You should give him a chance. After all, this is Lima – who else is going to–”

“What? ‘Who else is going to go out with me’, was that what you were going to say?”

And why wouldn’t she? This was Rachel Berry. Tact wasn’t one of her strengths – maybe not one of her character traits at all – and neither was empathy. This is Lima, remember? Remember what Dave said about you being his only option?

“Honestly? I know that this is Lima, and I know what that means. Hell, I was sure I’d have to wait until college to get a boyfriend, and you know what? I’m okay with that. I have more respect for myself than to go out with someone just because they ask” or at least I want to have “and I definitely have too much self-respect to go out with a guy that acts like I’m something to be hidden away and he’s only asking me because he’s out of options. You might not care about me and my happiness, Rachel, but I do.

“Yes, I turned Blaine down. Yes, I meant it. And no, I’m not regretting it.

“And frankly? It's more than a little pathetic for Blaine to have his ex try and sell him to someone new – even disregarding everything. It's also not at all attractive.”

The problem with Rachel Berry – be honest, Kurt, one of many problems – was that she was a lot more dangerous than she looked, and she didn't care about casualties as long as she got what she wanted. Well, he was not going to let one of those casualties be Finn.

“No, Quinn isn't cheating on you. I don't care what Rachel says, because unlike her I actually know what's happening. Yes, Quinn is doing something that she's not telling you about. No, that something isn't making out with her ex-boyfriend.”

“Then why isn't she being honest with me about what she's up to?”

“Because it's not her secret to tell. It's not mine either, so don't look at me like that. We all know you have a problem with keeping secrets. Not because you're a gossip, or untrustworthy, but because sometimes you forget who is and who isn't in on something. So, do you think you can trust me when I say that I know what's going on, Rachel's completely wrong, and you have nothing to worry about? Because I promise you, if Quinn was cheating on you I would tell you.

“Rachel's just stirring up shit, hoping that you'll dump Quinn and come back to her now that she and Blaine's over.”

“You promise?”

And Kurt's heart hurt as he looked at the boy that'd become his brother. Finn had believed Rachel's trash-talk because he was so used to being cheated on – and cheating himself – that he didn't know how to expect anything else.

“I promise. Now, want to help me finish up dinner?”

Crisis adverted. Hopefully.

Of course it wasn't that easy. Finn refusing to go along hadn't stopped Rachel – if anything it'd made her even more determined to dig up some kind of dirt. And in her wake had come Jacob ben Israel and his damned camera and pictures in the fucking Muckraker. He liked Sue Sylvester more than most students, and felt he owed her to a degree, but this was crossing a line he wasn't going to forgive in the first place.

Not from anyone involved.

And of course it all came to blows in Glee. Even worse? The newly recruited members were there to witness.

He'd been happy to see their numbers increase, but now he found himself wishing that Mr Schue had been as ineffectual as usual so that there hadn't been quite as large an audience to Sam's humiliation.

“No. Sam, you don't owe them an explanation. You don't owe anyone anything. Rachel's inability to keep her nose out of other people's business did this, not you or I. McKinely isn't safe for LGBT students and she knows it. She also knows that it doesn't matter if someone's actually LGBT or not, just what people believe. What Jacob ben Israel posted could have landed you in the hospital or worse, and Rachel was the one who led him there.

“Won't your dads be proud of you, Rachel, knowing what you've done?”

“I haven't done anything wrong! Quinn was the one sneaking around on Finn–”

“Shut up, Rachel. She wasn't doing anything wrong – she was being a good person. Remember what that is?”

Rachel wasn't the only one whose mouth fell open as Finn spoke. Quinn looked happy as she sent him a soft smile, and Kurt, Kurt was so damned proud of his brother.

“Finn!”

“No. Look, what I did to Sam–”

“We.”

“Fine, what we did to Sam was shitty. Yet somehow he and Quinn managed to keep some level of trust and friendship, and that's just... Awesome. And I am not enough of an asshole to get in the middle of that. I trust Quinn, and I trust Sam, and you don't get to say otherwise.

“As for Kurt, yeah, you don't get to say shit about that either. Sam's never been anything but cool with Kurt, unlike the rest of us, and I thought you of all people should know better than this.”

And wow, Finn had really worked on his “disappointed in you” look. It was quite frankly amazing. The others seemed to think so too, judging from how they reacted as Finn slowly turned to meet everyone's eyes.

“I hope I don't have to explain to anyone exactly how not at all acceptable it is to spread this shit around the school. I know I'd hate to end up in detention for fighting with a team mate, or for getting into it with a girl.” “That doesn't mean I won't” hung in the air, just as loud as if Finn had actually said it out loud.

“Mr Schue? Could we get back to what we're supposed to be doing here?”

And of course since it was Finn asking that was exactly what happened.

Kurt spent the rest of practice seething.

Rachel was waiting for him by the Nav after Glee, which meant she'd put on some really impressive speed to beat him there.

“Kurt. You have to listen to me. Finn doesn't understand how dangerous it can be, being LGBT in a town like this, but you and I, we do. You know how much danger Sam will be in if people think you are seeing him.

“There are already people whispering about you turning him gay, or worse. You remember what it was like before. Do you realize how bad this is for Sam? He could get hurt – someone could hurt him, because of this. Because of you. Do you really want that for him?”

“Of course I don't, but–”

It was like speaking to a wall, except less effective.

“I just...I think you should try and distance yourself from whatever it is that you think that the two of you have going on. You should get a boyfriend.”

And there it was. Find a boyfriend. Next she’d be pushing Blaine on him again.

Anyone else, Mercedes or Tina or Brittany or yes, even Santana, and he’d have been willing to think they were looking out for him, and Sam. But this was Rachel, and he knew her too well for that.

Maybe Rachel really did care about Sam, but, Kurt knew, for Rachel Berry it was always about her in the end. Apparently once her romantic relationship with Blaine was over they’d  allowed it to morph into some strange symbiotic friendship – which Kurt felt was probably less than healthy.

Blaine wanted Kurt to go out with him, and that meant Rachel wanted it too, meaning it should happen. After all, not getting what they wanted lessened the duos’ focus on being stars, or something like that.

Also – and okay, he had no proof for that part except for experience, but that was valuable enough – if Kurt wasn’t around Sam Rachel could focus on the fact that Quinn was, could try again to drive a wedge between the blonde and Finn, hopefully leaving Finn free for the taking.

Too bad Kurt wasn’t going to cooperate then.

“Look, Rachel, even if I did find a boyfriend it wouldn’t stop me from being friends with Sam, from spending time with him. In fact, any boyfriend worth the trouble would never try to stop me from that. And it’s not like something as simple as me staying away or the truth is going to stop the gossiping jerks of McKinley. It never has before.”

They'd both been subjected to enough gossip to know that, after all.

“Also, seriously Rachel? This is only a problem because of you. You had no business sneaking around and spying, and you most definitely had no right spreading those rumors. If someone hurts Sam because of that it won’t be my fault, it’ll be yours and Jacob ben Israel's. After all, we kept a low profile for a reason. No one would know about us being friends outside of the choir room if not for you and your big mouth and your damned stalking.”

“Then you need to do something about it! We'll find a girl to go out on a couple of dates with Sam – I'm sure Mercedes would be willing. And Blaine is still interested in you, all you have to do is stop playing hard to catch. This isn't the time to let your hurt feelings run the show, Kurt, this is when you need to be better than that.”

And wow, really? Did she crack completely while I wasn't looking?

“Thanks for that suggestion, Rachel. Now would you mind moving, I would like to get out of here.”

Except he couldn't stop thinking about everything. It all went round and round in his head, until the pieces started falling together in a very ugly pattern.

Twenty minutes after leaving Rachel behind in the parking lot Kurt rang the doorbell at the Berrys.

“Kurt! I knew you'd come to your senses! I have the perfect suggestion for you to–”

“Did you do it on purpose?”

“What?”

“Did. You. Do. It. On. Purpose? Did you lead Jacob there on purpose? Did you plan this, Rachel?”

The words were coming out louder and louder, dripping with bitterness, until he was practically shouting.

Hiram Berry came running in to the hallway, took one look at his daughter backed up against a wall and the furious Kurt, and started trying to defuse the situation. Kurt wasn't having it though.

“I'm not leaving without an answer, Rachel. I also don't have a problem with airing this in front of your dad, so if you thought him being here would save you, think again.”

“What's the matter, Kurt? Whatever it is I'm sure we can fix it.”

“Right. Well, see, Mr Berry, I really doubt that. Unless of course you have a time machine hidden away somewhere.

“See, once Rachel and her boyfriend broke up – supposedly because having to keep the New Directions' setlist secret from him was just so hard – she started trying to talk my brother into dumping his girlfriend by claiming she was cheating on him. When that didn't help Rachel decided to keep stalking Quinn in the hopes to take pictures that'd make Finn leave Quinn and come running back to Rachel – or so I assume, since it's not exactly common for her to do things like this without personal gain.

“Now, maybe I would have let Rachel get away with this normally, because she didn't stand a chance of getting what she wanted, but thanks to her actions a good friend of mine is actually in danger right now.”

“I had nothing to do with those photos! And if you're so worried about Sam you should stay away from him and–” Rachel snapped her mouth shut, possibly realizing she was close to saying something that would only give Kurt more ammunition.

“You didn't take those photos, no, but there is no way Jacob ben Israel would have found Sam there without you. You already know he stalks you on a regular basis, so why would you believe he isn't now, knowing that you're single again?”

“I'm sorry, but would you mind telling me what you're talking about?”

Rachel tried to serve her version, but Kurt just talked right over her and informed Mr Berry about exactly what had happened.

“That is horrible, and we are going to come back to that later, but for now I'd like to know why you were asking if Rachel planned this.”

“Because I know her?

“No, sorry. First of all there's Finn. She went to him first, but he refused to listen to her, choosing instead to trust his girlfriend. It would be very much Rachel's style to believe that spreading the information would make Finn change his mind.

“Second, when people started asking Sam if he was involved with me in some way Rachel suggested that I could protect Sam from being called gay – and subjected to the same treatment I get – by abandoning my friend and start dating her ex-boyfriend. That I have no interest in doing so, and have in fact turned him down already, wasn't a concern for her.”

Mr Berry frowned and gave Rachel an appraising look. She soon began to blush, leading Mr Berry to frown even harder.

“I'm really disappointed in you right now, Rachel. I suggest you go to your room and think about what you've done, and we'll talk about this when your dad comes home. Kurt, would you mind answering a few more questions for me?”

It ended up being more than a few questions, but seeing as the result was Mr Berry leaving to talk with both Jacob and his parents Kurt was fine with it.

He was even more fine with it the next day when he found out the results. Jacob had lost his camera and his channel was gone. The Muckraker had been disbanded and that everyone involved had been forced to apologize to everyone they'd trashed – including Sue. And the Evans family had gotten some proper help, both with their living situation and looking for jobs. Mr and Mr Berry did not play around.

The fact that Rachel was subdued and refused to even look at Kurt was just the cherry on top.

~TBC ~

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 10: Friday

I just had this feeling this morning like I didn’t want to go to work and eh... that was probably right. Nothing really bad happened, I just felt very strongly that I did NOT want to be there.

My coworker wanted to talk to me at like 8:30 in the morning (you know those silly little ‘don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee’ signs?? literally do not talk to me before 9:30 EARLIEST) and I was supremely incoherent. Then later a different coworker essentially took out his bad mood on my department including on me personally, and it was... dumb. I got his point but I’m just, as I tried to explain to others later, unkeen on being talked to about actions I took under others’ explicit instructions. Also, in part because of that, in part because I thought he was semi-unreasonable, and in part because I just truly didn’t want to do what he was asking/telling me to do, I did not really budge on the issue. Which was very awkward because as I said I did get his point. And of course the issue is SOMETHING DUMB which is always how it is. All of these fights are 100% shit that would sound idiotic if you tried to explain it to someone else, which is why I’m vaguing right now.

And the nametags thing came up on Teams (thanks @ the same coworker), and the only good thing about that is that the director explicitly said she was against the idea so I feel pretty confident that it won’t be mandated. Also I could detect some panic in other people about it. I do NOT like the way this is being handled AT ALL. Plus it’s just the hill I’ve decided to die on (because I think I can win--so I guess it’s better to say this is the hill I’m going to defeat my enemies on) so I gotta get annoyed at it. I refrained from contributing to the conversation but I did like the director’s anti-nametag post, which I think gets my point across.

Also I felt like I spent a lot of time doing not much, to be honest. Still didn’t go to stupid compact shelving. Devoted too much time to the crap in the above paragraphs. Talked to BL over in admin and heard some more unflattering stories about a particular administrator. Like, incredibly unflattering. Which is stuff I do want to know but it contributes to the overall Mood of the day, which again is ‘I don’t want to be here.’

I took a very late lunch, and that in turn contributed to me not paying enough attention to the time and leaving late.OH AND I got 3 important emails in the last ten minutes of the day. Two were very expected because they were coming from the West Coast but the last was like.. do not make me deal with this right now.

I didn’t deal with almost any of it but I did get so distracted that I left about five minutes late, and so I missed the bus. I wasn’t too upset about it since the weather was nice anyway and I didn’t mind spending some time downtown. But I did waste time trying to see if I could catch said bus, and then more time trying to go to my favorite coffee shop, which had closed at 5. But since it was 5:15, there were still people inside (cleaning up, which is fair) and people outside (drinking coffees they’d bought before 5 I’m sure, also fair), and the sign said hours were until 7 so I spent a few confused, embarrassing moments going ????? what is the truth?

So ultimately I went to a different cafe, a newish one that opened in 2019 I think. I’ve always avoided it in part because the floor is very loud and in part because I felt like I was cheating on my main place lol. (Not that I never get coffee anywhere else... just that this place is so close to my usual place, I always feel like, if I’m in the area, I might as well go to said usual place.) I did find the inside very disorienting. The pattern of the floor is just truly A Lot. They did have these weird teacup ornaments hanging from the ceiling though. I got an iced latte, which was fine, and this delicious spinach and feta pastry. I feel like I should stop by more often for baked goods. I settled outside with what I’d gotten, mostly because of the floor, partly because it actually was nice out, and partly because I’m not currently comfortable with indoor dining, even in places with almost no one in them.

I only had like 25 minutes to kill at that point, but it was nice. I had a notebook with me and I did a teeny bit of planning on the Southern Gothic AU (still behind on this!!). Mostly I listened to the conversation next to me. I couldn’t entirely help it; the girl’s voice was carrying. She was talking to her guy friend about some recent issues they’d been having in their friendship. I was honestly...kind of impressed with them? I could mostly hear her--he was talking too but his voice didn’t carry as much--but it just overall sounded like a really open, emotionally honest, generally calm talk. Like certainly there were strong emotions in play (not exactly going to judge whether they were “warranted” given the apparent facts of the dispute, since I just ranted about a disagreement over something so dumb I don’t even want to name it in public) but they were just... expressing feelings that were difficult, and expressing displeasure with others’ actions, without yelling or being passive aggressive, etc. I mean even that they’d picked this time and place to meet specifically to discuss it I thought was commendable. And they were definitely friends, not bf/gf, because the disagreement involved his girlfriend (once referred to as his “partner”...sorry lol I judged that a LITTLE since they looked like they were maybe 21 years old--partner in WHAT??). The girl mentioned her therapist, which put a lot of her tone and vocabulary into perspective. Not necessarily in a bad way, I mean, it seemed to be working? But as someone who has never been to therapy, but is self-taught, so to speak, in gauging and describing my own feelings, I could... discern a sort of purposeful vocabulary that almost sounded scripted. I wrote down some specific quotes but I don’t want to put them in a public place. I’ll draw my respecting-strangers’-privacy line in the sand there. But a lot of, like “when you do x, it makes me feel y” kind of controlled explanations.

Anyway, I got very invested in that. Partly for future writing purposes, partly out of curiosity and partly because... I don’t know that I could have that kind of conversation NOW and I’m fairly sure I could not have when I was in college. I mean.... I don’t know... I’ve blocked out a lot of the pretentious/serious/about-our-feelings talks I did have. And what sticks out now are all the times I didn’t do that--all of the many, many issues with TA38... Even the way B and I have literally NEVER acknowledged the handful of times we hooked up in 2009.

You’re never gonna sound COOL talking about your emotions, your wants and your needs; it’s always gonna sound, imo, like a Therapy Script. And I don’t even always think you gotta have those talks. After graduation, R and I literally had this exchange where we said ‘well we both made mistakes last year, and we could try to untangle it now, but it’s just gonna bring up a lot of bad feelings. It’s done now anyway. Blanket apologies given, blanket acceptance of apologies, let’s move on.” And we did and it was fine. But if we’d had better conversations while we were living together, that would have been a different situation.

All of which is of course complicated for me personally because I am extremely conflict-averse. EXTREMELY.

Anyway, I ran into BL at the bus stop and we talked a bit there and on the bus, which was fine but kinda exhausting tbqh especially because of the topic of conversation. I got home at 6:30 and must have crawled immediately into bed and gone to sleep, but I barely remember it at all. Woke up at 10:30 and had no idea what time it was or what day it was or what I was doing.

Had dinner and then somehow went down a rabbit hole that started... somewhere?? and ended with me looking up my childhood home on Google Earth, which you KNOW is the sign of a mentally stable person who is doing just fine okay.

Now it’s the absolutely disgusting hour of 2:30 in the morning... Idk I wanted to go out tomorrow and take advantage of the nice weather but we’ll see how that goes. The thing is I feel like I need a full day to sleep but I only have two (2) days and in that time I gotta do laundry, cook for the week, preferably write one (1) whole chapter of this fic, and possibly also go on the aforementioned excursion. Which is a lot for me. It doesn’t really... fit.

Everything’s just so much all the time and so on.

[luxe-pauvre]

Suppose that you sign up for a classical-music-appreciation class, in which your first assignment is to listen to a symphony. You put on headphones, press Play—and fall asleep. The problem is that you don’t actually want to listen to classical music; you just want to want to. Aspiring, [Agnes] Callard thinks, is a common human activity: there are aspiring wine lovers, art appreciators, sports fans, fashionistas, d.j.s, executives, alpinists, do-gooders, parents, and religious believers, all hatching plans to value new things. Many ordinary decisions, moreover—such as choosing between Goldman Sachs and Partners in Health—also touch on the question of who we aspire to become. Callard distinguishes between aspiration and ambition. Some of the people taking the music-appreciation class are ambitious; they enrolled not because they aspire to love classical music but because the class is an easy A. From the first day, they know what they value: their grades. (“Turning ambition into aspiration is one of the job descriptions of any teacher,” Callard notes.) The ambitious students find it easy to explain why they’re taking the class. But the aspirants must grow comfortable with a certain quantity of awkward pretense. If someone were to ask you why you enrolled, you would be overreaching if you said that you were moved by the profound beauty of classical music. The truth, which is harder to communicate, is that you have some vague sense of its value, which you hope that some future version of yourself might properly grasp. Until aspirants can fully explain their motivations, they often understate their aims. An aspiring painter will say that she finds painting relaxing rather than try to explain what she hopes to express through her art. An aspiration, Callard concludes, has two faces: a near face, which represents it “as lesser than it is,” and a distant one, which an aspirant is reluctant to describe, because it “ennobles her current activity beyond its rightful status.” [...] When we’re aspiring, inarticulateness isn’t a sign of unreasonableness or incapacity. In fact, the opposite may be true. “Everyone goes to college ‘to become educated,’ ” Callard observes, “but until I am educated I do not really know what an education is or why it is important.” If we couldn’t aspire to changes that we struggle to describe, we’d be trapped within the ideas that we already have. Our inability to explain our reasons is a measure of how far we wish to travel. It’s only after an aspirant has reached her destination, Callard writes, that “she will say, ‘This was why.’ ”

Joshua Rothman, The Art of Decision-Making

[islamicrays]

Assalamu aleikum ♡ Could you please recommend me some hadith (or Qur'an verses) about times such as this, like the plague, and about dealing with emotions such as fear, anxiety and all the negativity that follows such challenging times? Thank you very much and may Allah bless you for all you're doing here!

Walaikum Assalaam

Don't be anxious. Whatever is meant to happen; it will happen. If we are written to be tested then we will be tested. We cannot change the circumstances but it's in our control how we respond to it.

“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah’s Decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it, you cannot flee.”

-Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him)

Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala won't burden us with something that we can't handle. Read these quotes it will help you in shaa Allah

"The Prophet ﷺ said, ‘There isn’t a man who stays in his house during a time when the plague occurs with patience, hoping for reward and knowing that nothing will afflict him other than that which has been written for him - except that he will have reward similar to the reward of a martyr.’ (Ahmad)

Ibn Hajar said whoever does the following three things will have the reward of a martyr whether he lives or he dies. Look at the beauty of this religion! The reward of a martyr for sitting at home. La ilaha ila Allah Muhammad Rasulallah ﷺ"

-Via Shaykh Mohammed Aslam

"If you’re feeling panicked, find a mushaf in your home. Even if you haven’t opened the Quran in such a long time- pick it up, hold it to your heart, and hug it. If you aren’t ready to start reading it, then just hold it and allow your heart to seek comfort from the Divine Words of the Most Merciful. And keep doing that until you start to open His Book.

Remember Who is in control. We are allowed to feel all of our emotions and it is valid to be so anxious you can’t sleep. In those moments, know you don’t have to be scared alone. Make istighfar- ask for His forgiveness. The Quran talks about this as a form of bringing so many different blessings into your life.

And when you’re overwhelmed at home trying to juggle your children’s needs and work, start saying Alhamdulilah- thanking Him. Because if you’re reading this on your smartphone, you might also be living in security with enough food in your fridge. There are people everywhere facing the virus without these basic necessities.

Many of you have empathized with oppressed populations, but not actively remembered their plight. This is our opportunity to remember the fear which they have lived with for decades in our daily prayers and call out to Him with a sincerity for them that we may have lacked when we simply didn’t know.

This is a time to process our emotions through our relationship with God. With the closing of masajid, the quarantining at home, the sudden unexpected rates of death and disease and the impact on that on our economies and daily lives an entire globe - isn’t it time to turn back to Him? The fact that you still have time to do so and are considering it- that’s a sign He has already turned to you. So turn back to Him."

-Ustadha Maryam Amir

"DO NOT squander this time. This is a windfall if you actually think about it.

The one thing that everyone regrets the most when they die is the time they wasted.

Life is a precious gift. No matter what your situation is right now, don’t forget that you were given EXISTENCE by the Creator of the Heavens and the Universe.

He WILLED for *you* to be here.

He CREATED *you* with intent.

He CREATED *you* to experience all the beauty and wonders of the world…to KNOW…to FEEL…to WITNESS…to HEAR….to TASTE…to LOVE…but perhaps you’ve forgotten what that really means and this is all to remind you!

Maybe you’re spared this illness so that you can actually take inventory of your life and get back in touch with who you are and what you’ve forgotten all these years distracted by work, responsibility, commutes, bills, taxes, school, family, friends, community service, etc…

Maybe you’re forced into spending time with your family because you’ve forgotten just how important they are to you or vice versa.

Maybe you’re supposed to have those long moments of panic and anxiety so that you move away from looking at the pantry shelves to looking at your children’s faces and realizing how much time has passed since you once held them in your arms and how the future is uncertain for you and them, but what matters is NOW and alhamdulillah you are with them and they are with you; healthy and together.

Maybe you’re supposed to scroll through pages of news and newsfeeds about this virus so that your neck begins to crane and you finally look up to see your spouse; the one whom, whether you’ve intended to or not, have taken for granted. You each have your roles to play and like ships passing each other in the night, you’ve found a rhythm, an efficient system to keep the family together…but what about you two? When is the last time you actually looked at one another with the loving gaze of someone who feels the value of the person in front of them upon their chest like a heavy weight? When is the last time you looked at your partner as if you weren’t guaranteed to see them tomorrow? Perhaps you’ll learn to do that now…and perhaps as a result, you’ll always see them that way and will never talk down to them, hurt them with insults, ignore them when they are in need, slight them in front of others, or treat them as though you are entitled to everything they do for you.

Maybe you’re supposed to wake up in the middle of the night sweating and unable to go back to sleep, so that you surrender to the solitude of the night and draw closer to the One who sends His angels looking for the ones who are looking for Him.

Maybe all of this started because of a dangerous virus with the potential to kill, but it will end by renewing life and light into hearts that died long ago; victims drowned by the turbulent waters of this dunya.

May Allah ﷻ guide us through these times to not squander the opportunities before us and to live and love fully, with presence, sincerity, transparency, and wholeheartedness. Amin."

-Ustadha Hosai Mojaddidi

"In the midst of all this uncertainty and panic, I know things look bleak today…

-I personally had to cancel travel plans for the next two months.

-Some of my dear friends had to cancel a major event they’ve been planning for almost a year.

-Some of my friends who are immunocompromised are worried.

-Some friends reached out to me because they don’t know what to do about their children attending school.

-Some friends are worried about their elderly parents.

-Some friends are worried about their livelihood and businesses not being able to survive.

Whatever the case may be, let us keep perspective that as Muslims our Shariah compels us to preserve five things:

1. Faith

2. Life

3. Sanity/Mind

4. Lineage

5. Property

Our utmost concern right now should be to protect our faith, our lives, and our mental wellbeing.

This virus is on this planet and doing what it’s doing SOLELY by the permission of its Creator.

Our response should be to SUBMIT to our Creator, prioritize our faith, and beseech Him for protection.

We must also act responsibly to preserve our own safety as well as the safety of everyone else (family, friend, or stranger) that we come in contact with.

Thus, we must “tie our camel” and put our trust in Allah ﷻ to protect us from any and all harm.

This balance of submitting to God FIRST and then preparing and being responsible for the worst will protect our sanity so that we do not become paranoid and unreasonably afraid.

We must also remember that whatever opportunities or sustenance we have lost was never ours to begin with, and the Most Generous will either replace it with something better in this life or the next, IF we remain patient and accept His decree.

So let us not fall into despair, sadness, fear, and anxiety. Let us be wise, patient, and use the time of imposed isolation to reconnect with our faith and our Lord, as well as with our families.

Sometimes it takes calamities like this to recalibrate our hearts and remind us what our priorities should really be.

May Allah ﷻ protect and guide us all. Amin."

-Ustadha Hosai Mojaddidi

Recite Astaghfirullah as much you can. As narrated in hadith

If anyone continually asks pardon, Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress, and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide for him from where he did not reckon.(Abu Dawud)

Following are some dua that you can recite:

1.“Verily, distress has seized me, and You are the Most Merciful of all who show mercy.”

(Aayah No. 83, Surah Al-Ambiya, Chapter No. 21, Holy Qur’an).

2. Recite “Hasbunallahu wa Ni’mal Wakeel” when you feel restless

“Allah is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of Affairs.”

Ibn ‘Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said: When (Prophet) Ibraheem(عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّم) was thrown into the fire, he said: “Allah (Alone) is sufficient for us, and, He is the Best Disposer of affairs.” So did Messenger of Allah, Muhammad (ﷺ), when he was told: “A great army of the pagans had gathered against him, so fear them”. But this (warning) only increased him and the Muslims in Faith and they said: “Allah (Alone) is sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us)”. [Al-Bukhari].

3. O Ever Living, O Self-Subsisting and Supporter of all, by Your mercy I seek assistance, rectify for me all of my affairs and do not leave me to myself, even for the blink of an eye.’    [صحيح الترغيب والترهيب 1/273]

4.It was reported from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say, when something upset him:

“Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom, bi Rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living One, O Everlasting One, by Your mercy I seek help).”

5. Allahumma inni a’oodhoo bika minal-hammi walhuzni, wal-’ajzi wal-kasali wal-bukhli wal-jubni, wa dal’id-dayni wa ghalabatir- rajaal

"O Allah! I seek refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being oppressed by men."

I hope it will be helpful. May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala forgive us and guide us to the straight path.

Ameen

[thefirstraey]

For All The Girls and Boys Out There.

Your Relationship Is All Wrong For You When:

1. You settle for less than you deserve. You agree to be in the relationship because you wanted to take another shot at love even though you know that you are both not compatible with each other from the beginning. You know that your partner doesn't fulfill you mentally, emotionally, or sexually, but because you're tired or afraid to be alone, you choose to stay. Be honest with yourself. Do both of you a favor and end the relationship.

2. Your partner doesn’t offer moral support and consistently criticizes you during fights. Your partner doesn't try to understand and comprehend where your frustration, sadness, or disappointment comes from. He/she insists that their perspectives on the current situation are the right ones. Your partner is being petty and childish. It's an indication that your partner doesn't have your best interests at heart, and your partner might be manipulating you to do what he/she feels is right for him/her and the relationship.

3. Since you don't share a sense of humor, you don't laugh when you're with your partner. You force yourself to laugh to make your partner happy, and sometimes you caught yourself feeling annoyed with the jokes that your partner has made. If you're serious about the relationship and have plans to build a life together, you deserve to be with someone you want to talk to or spend time with comfortably and happily. It's not fun to be with someone who doesn't speak the same language as you, particularly if you're the type of person who yearns for a deep and meaningful connection with your partner.

4. You tend to overlook any incompatibilities and fantasize about who your partner may be someday. You hold on to the belief that things will improve in time. You tried rationalizing your decision and use love as an excuse to stay. If you are in love with the fantasy of your partner, instead of who they really are, you need to give yourself a major reality check.

5. You're not into your partner's family. You worry that your partner's family might not get along with your family. Ask yourself, does your partner have a family you want to be part of? Because it doesn't bode well for your future if you don't like them or respect them. If the answer is no, then you're just setting yourself up for a lifetime of awkward family gatherings and monotonous conversations. The last thing you want in a long-term relationship is to lie about yourself. You do not have to change yourself to be loved and accepted by others.

6. You're always confused about why your partner's action doesn't match his/her words. Your partner always seems to be telling a half-truth, and you're left wondering about what he/she is up to when you're not around or whether what he/she is saying is the truth. You should reconsider your relationship if you've tried to address the problem, but your partner refuses to acknowledge it. You don't want to be with someone who denies, deflects, and shuts down when you want to communicate.

7. You've felt more insecure since you've been in the relationship because your partner makes you feel unloveable or unsure of yourself. Dating a wrong person can drive up your anxiety and self-doubt, significantly if you have compromised your boundaries for several occasions in the relationship. It would be best if you never tied your partner's judgment of you or your relationship status to your self-esteem. Always take care of yourself first.

8. You're actively wondering whether the grass would have been greener with your partner. If you envision what life would be like if you were single again or sometimes wish to be with someone better, you need to ask yourself why you're seeking things outside the relationship. Either you don't like the person you're with, or you perhaps need to explore deeper within yourself because you clearly aren't satisfied and content with what you have.

9. You feel compelled to change who you are to be deserving of your partner. You compare yourself with others regardless of the nice things your partner has said to you before because you are not sure about his/her sincerity. Your partner never offers any reassurance or compliments that he/she gives you the idea that when you're emotional and mad, it is wrong and unreasonable. You always have to be sensible and level-headed. You're probably in a one-sided relationship if your partner makes you feel like you can't wholly express yourself and neglect your emotions.

I believe that it takes two to tango because doubts and fears wouldn't have emerged with just one person in the wrong, but sometimes we have to find the courage and make the call first. It doesn't matter if we're called a bitch after that, because at the end of the day, we are the only ones that know what will make ourselves happy. Yes, heartbreaks and breakups are painful, and it's not easy to leave someone you're already familiar with and grown accustomed to, but if the person doesn't make you feel loved, supported, secure, and happy, you need to leave. Life is too short to waste our energy on the wrong person. Instead, go chase your dreams, focus on personal growth, and go fulfill those bucket lists in your journal. Be very happy okay?

[ace-queen-of-arendelle]

I'm looking to write my second ace!Elsa fic, and I hope it's not rude to ask - is there anything you do/ don't see in fiction or fanfic about asexuality that you'd not like/ would want to see? (Can be more specifically relared to Frozen if you'd like)... I'm not ace but I can totally see Elsa being asexual. Again sorry if this is rude of me!

No worries, I don’t find this rude at all :)

First off, it’ll make a difference whether you’re writing Elsa as aromantic as well as asexual, or if you’re going to write her as having romantic feelings but not sexual ones (e.g. ace lesbian Elsa). If you’re writing aroace Elsa, make sure you include aromantic/aro in the tags as well as asexual, so you don’t look like you’re conflating the two. If you’re writing romantic ace Elsa, make sure you avoid things like ‘Elsa is asexual but don’t worry, she can still fall in love!’, because that’s super disrespectful to aromantic people.

Elsa as a character is naturally disposed to angst about things and she has struggled a lot with her self esteem, so she may well have negative feelings about being asexual, and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to show that. BUT. If you’re going to include Elsa feeling broken or deficient, make sure you have another character (e.g. Anna, a love interest, a minor character who happens to be ace too) reassure her that this is not the case. Being asexual isn’t a tragedy. However, you could just as easily decide that while Elsa is stressed and depressed about a lot of things, her sexuality isn’t one of them, and have her embrace her asexuality without too much fuss. If you’re not ace yourself, I’d advise you not to focus too much on the negative feelings.

Make sure that you keep Elsa’s asexuality separate from her fear of getting close to others (physically and emotionally) because of her powers. Maybe she thought those were the reason she wasn’t interested in physical intimacy (and/or romance), but discovered that wasn’t true once her confidence grew but no sexual attraction surfaced. Yes, some real people are asexual due to trauma, but it’s not something that should be written by non-ace people because it runs very close to harmful misconceptions about asexuality as a whole.

Some people think that for representation to ‘count’, the label has to be outright stated word for word in the text. There’s nothing wrong with that, and if you want to drop the word ‘asexual’ into the dialogue that would be great, but I don’t think it’s compulsory. It might sound awkward or clunky to put a modern word in the mouths of characters from Elsa’s setting and time period, so it would be enough to have her describe her lack of sexual feelings or desires in words that better fit the story. And include the word asexual in the tags.

If your Elsa is alloromantic (i.e. not aro), you could show her being affectionate with her love interest in non-sexual ways. E.g. hand-holding, cuddling, kissing. You could have her love interest be interested in having sex but have Elsa explain that she’s not comfortable with that. If the love interest is meant to be sympathetic, make sure they react with acceptance (a bit of confusion and disappointment is okay but if they’re getting mad at Elsa for not putting out, you have to make it clear they’re in the wrong.) Alternatively, some ace people do have sex, so you could have Elsa agreeing to have sex with her partner but feeling surprised that they wanted it because she forgot it was a thing, or not really getting why it was so important to them.

If your Elsa is aromantic as well as asexual, show her enjoying her independence, or bonding with friends and family in a platonic way. Maybe she doesn’t get why romantic relationships are so important to other people. Maybe she feels left out because of that. Or maybe she’s glad she has one less thing to worry about. One thing I personally like seeing as a fan of aroace Elsa is exploring the differences between her and Anna, who’s a huge hopeless romantic, in a way where neither sister comes off as having the ‘right’ idea, and they love and support each other despite their differences. Anna doesn’t really understand how Elsa can not want a partner, and Elsa will never truly get why romance is so important to Anna, but they do understand that this is what makes their sister happy, and so they’re happy too. It’s also really funny to see Elsa just being nonplussed by romance. Also if your fic is set a few years in the future, consider: cool auntie Elsa.

Anyway, provided you steer clear of the main problems, I’ll just be stoked to have more ace Elsa content, so you go write that fic! Also I’ve noticed that you said second fic. Please show me where to find the first one!!!

[nellie-elizabeth]

Grey's Anatomy: My Shot (16x08)

Oh, Grey's Anatomy. You wouldn't be you if you didn't have manufactured coincidences popping up around every corner. I loved this episode, for the most part! Let's take a look.

Cons:

So, the thing about doing a medical drama/soap opera is that a lot of really unrealistic stuff has to happen in order to keep the drama quotient up. The characters in this show have been through more trauma than is remotely realistic for any group of people, and over the sixteen seasons of this show, every single character has done stuff that's super illegal and messed up and bad. When you have an episode like this, where Meredith's past gets dredged up, you're forced to realize how completely improbable it is that Meredith would still be allowed to practice medicine in the first place. Or frankly, how Richard and Alex would be allowed to continue, what with committing assault, breaking the law, the list goes on. And that's fine, it doesn't matter most of the time on this show. But when a spotlight is shone on all of the things that have happened over the years, it starts to feel a bit more shark-jumpy than I'm comfortable with.

Also, I can take some cheesiness, but all the patients rushing in to testify for Meredith, and the letter from Cristina, and letters from Addison, Callie, Arizona, April... come on. That's a little much, don't you think? I wanted this to be more grounded in reality. Meredith probably should be taken to task for a lot of what she's done. There could have been a better balance there, with some of her bad behavior actually being condemned. I think they tried to do that with Bailey, but for me it didn't quite stick the landing.

Also Jackson and Maggie - ugh. Please stoppppp. Maggie is really upset after killing her cousin, and Jackson is there to comfort her. I didn't strictly hate this at first, and thought maybe they were going for an easing of the tension, like the two of them could be friendly with each other and stop resenting one another so much. And then Jackson leans in for a kiss, stops himself, and Maggie kicks him out. She tells Meredith: "I hate someone I used to love... I don't want to see or speak to him ever again." That line, about hating someone she used to love, is actually really powerful, and if Jackson and Maggie weren't such a stupid train-wreck, I might really have liked it. But - but why? Why does she hate him? What did he do that was so awful? They had a somewhat crappy relationship and Maggie felt like Jackson didn't respect her, and it fell apart. But Maggie's anger feels misplaced, somehow. I was so happy last week to have a story that was about Maggie that didn't annoy me, since she's become so irritating over the years. And now here, it has to be about Jackson again, doesn't it? Those two were the worst things to ever happen to each other on this show.

Pros:

In perhaps a direct contradiction to what I said above, it was a bit fun to look back over the years and remember all the crazy crap that Meredith has done. Obviously a lot of the context has been stripped away, but the fact remains, she's done a lot of messed up stuff! This episode brings up ancient (yet legendary) history like the LVAD wire, stuff like the Alzheimer's trial, a patient Meredith had on her first day as a doctor, and more recent stuff like Alex assaulting Andrew, and Schmitt being the one to turn Meredith in to Bailey. I'm a sucker for longevity. I like sinking in to a story for a long, long time, and it's cool to do an episode like this where you can actually pull footage from back when George W. Bush was still POTUS and examine a character's life through so many years.

Koracick has a brief role in this episode, and we can mark this as a good appearance for him. They trashed his character early in the season in an attempt to get us on board with Owen/Teddy, but they seem to be softening that approach and rehabilitating him a bit here. He's still a cocky bastard a lot of the time, but when Amelia tells him she needs his help, he immediately agrees, and does everything he can to help the patient. I really love him and hope he gets the happiness he deserves.

And Amelia and Link also have a brief moment, where we see their relationship continue to develop and strengthen. Amelia is worried she might kill the doctor who killed Derek, which is why she lets Koracick do it. That's a sign of maturity and strength from Amelia, her ability to step away and let someone else perform the surgery. And when that man dies on the table, she can be confident that she wasn't to blame. Link comforts her through the confusion of the situation, and it's just another brick in the foundation of trust they are building between them.

I like the DeLuca/Meredith drama, actually. There's this moment when Meredith yells at the doctor who killed Derek, calling Derek "the love of her life," and I immediately thought... oh no. Are we going to do the whole drama thing where DeLuca decides he can't compete with Derek's memory or whatever? But instead, they go for something slightly different. Basically, DeLuca knows he's never going to replace Derek. But he wanted to work towards something, to be Meredith's partner in a real way. He's realizing now that he doesn't have Meredith's respect, that she doesn't view him as an equal, and he worries she never will. He basically breaks up with her, but frames it as giving her a chance to think things over. I like Andrew a lot. I like Andrew and Meredith together, I think it's genuinely interesting. It's not as intense as Meredith and Derek, but the show has done a smart thing by not trying to make it like that. I'm on board for whatever comes next for them, as I think a break-up plot thread with these two might actually be interesting, whether or not they end up together in the end.

The Bailey/Richard dynamic as explored in this episode was really intriguing to me. I was complaining a few weeks ago about Bailey's over-sized reaction to what Meredith did, but here we get more of an explanation. Not only does she feel betrayed by someone that she raised to be a doctor, but she feels betrayed by Richard as well, and feels jealous of the way he will bend the rules for Meredith. We even find out that Meredith didn't originally match with the hospital, and that Richard made a call to make it happen all those years ago. That's such an interesting "sliding doors" moment!  Richard then flips the narrative on Bailey, however, saying that Meredith is family and he'd trust her to back him up the same way he backed her up. He says he feels the same way about Bailey, or he did, before Bailey turned her back on them for their actions.

It's not even necessarily a cruel moment from Richard - he's saying it because he knows now what Bailey is feeling, and he knows how to get underneath that feeling, to an even bigger truth. And it works - Bailey goes back in to the hearing and says that while Meredith Grey is a pain in the ass and deserved consequences for her actions, she's also a fine surgeon and doesn't deserve to lose her medical license. Who knows whether or not that was the tipping point, but at the end of the day, Meredith wins and she's still a doctor!

It was interesting to bring in the doctor whose negligence resulted in Derek's death. Frankly, I vacillated about which section of this review to put my discussion of this in, because I can't quite decide how to feel about it. The whole point here is that Meredith is unconventional, but ultimately very good at her job. She saves lives. It's interesting to contrast that with this man who hasn't broken any rules, but who killed someone. He's not only allowed to remain a doctor, he's allowed to vote on Meredith's fitness to remain a doctor. This is so manifestly unfair that it's clear to the viewer that Meredith is in the right. But this man's presence, and then later the influx of testimonials from patients and fellow doctors, overshadows Meredith's crime. It's interesting in that I wonder if there will be lasting consequences - will she be under heavier scrutiny when it comes to pro bono cases, or will this be the one thing the finally tarnishes her reputation? I'm excited to find out.

Schmitt has the setup for a future plot thread here, as he confesses to being the one to turn Meredith in, unwittingly. As his fellow interns find out, he watches as they lose respect for him, especially Helm. This could be so cool. As I said, it's not as if Meredith doesn't deserve some sort of consequence for her bad behavior. And what was Schmitt supposed to do, just trust on blind faith that this wasn't a mistake, that Meredith had done it on purpose? Was he supposed to put his career on the line for her? That's an unreasonable expectation, and I hope he stands up for himself, with the support of his boyfriend. It's time to start giving some of these characters more screen-time.

That's it! Another long review, for a pretty solid episode. I think next week is the mid-season finale!

8/10

[jcmorrigan]

Fanfic Writer Meme: 8, 19, 30

Aus or canon?

I like canon-compliant things when I like the canon. If I think there’s stuff in the canon that needed fixing, I like fix-fic AUs. I’m not big on “casual” AUs of epic fandoms (e.g. high school, coffee shop, florist, certain brands of soul mate), but that’s just a taste thing.

How do you feel about PWP (porn without a plot)?

Okay! So this actually was a big ol’ story! To catch up those who don’t know - I’m asexual, and pretty sex-repulsed in the traditional sense. (I do have one weird kink, I’m one of THOSE aces, but a lot of people have weird kinks. I’m only disclosing in case this comes up later and people are like “BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE - “.) But I didn’t figure this out until literally after I graduated college because the resources on what asexuality is weren’t really available to me. I thought if you were ace, that meant you had to be aro, and I definitely wasn’t aro. I thought I was just unreasonably scared of sex and I would have to “get over it” someday (...yeah, not happy times, and probably a good thing I didn’t ever go on enough dates to warrant anyone discussing bases). ANYWAY. So I got into Internet fandom at the tender age of...18. But I acted like a 15-year-old brat. Autism ahoy! Anyway, I kind of just jumped into the deep end and what do I find? PORN. ESPECIALLY MLM PORN, AND I HAVE BEEN RAISED IN A WHITE SUBURB WHERE LGBTQ+ ISSUES JUST WEREN’T TALKED ABOUT. I had heard the “teen sex is bad” narrative enough to take it to heart, and I thought that by remaining a virgin, I was holding a moral point over others. Look at me! I’m a good girl who doesn’t have sex! No, honey...sweetie...past me...there was a very definite reason you didn’t have sex as a teen and it wasn’t moral. You’re probably wondering how this ties into PWP. Well, since I had it in my head that sex was this big bad thing that was Not Good, I found all the mlm porn, yaoi included (and, as I’ve mentioned - back in the day, no one really knew how to use the term “yaoi,” so people might call their mlm fic of fluffy hand-holding “yaoi” and then there’s me who looked up the literal definition of the term going “WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WRITING IT?”). Soooooo I kind of...went on a crusade to reject all the sexual content. I was just mega grossed out. I couldn’t handle it. And I thought it was something moral, something in which I was taking a high road. The crossing of the erotic content with the queer content actually contributed to that phase where I was...kinda homophobic, not gonna lie. I shudder when I look back. Anyway, the longer I spend in fandom, the more I get whittled down bit by bit - maaaaaaybe it’s not such a bad thing for people to like to write about sex, but that doesn’t mean I have to read it because still ew. But at least I get way more comfortable with queer ships and realize their importance for representation! Fast forward waaaaay into the future, when my friend is explaining to me over dinner at a Noodles & Company what asexuality REALLY means and sex-repulsion, and IT ALL. FUCKING. CLICKS. So, okay, I now realize that PWP exists because it turns some people on, but I don’t like it because I don’t like looking at crotches, even in my mind’s eye! We’re making progress now! Actually, realizing how much of my sex-negativity was tied to my own asexuality and repulsion was a huge gateway for me becoming more sex-positive and supporting others’ decisions in that realm. You do you (and your partner/s, so long as there’s consent all around)! But NOW we’re in the phase where I’m well aware of why I don’t like PWP and still the fact remains that SO MUCH fic is PWP and I’m trying to just find something please that isn’t PWP in some of my niche fandoms. (Also I may be bitter about some old PWP fanfics that got famous in my old fandoms, not gonna name names ‘cause that’s rude, but, like, people saw me get pissy about porn and still rec’d me those fics unironically, up to and including NON-CON which is my least fave kink, and I’m still mad about that whole situation. Guys come on. I can’t be the only one out of all of you that was confused on sex repulsion.) So I’m scrolling through things going “Nope, nope, nope, porn, porn, porn, not my thing, not my thing, WHERE’S THE CONTENT I WANT?”. Which is really my fault for shipping rarepairs and getting into niche fandoms. Go me. BUT THEN. ENTER NETFLIX ASOUE. I get really into shipping Fernald/Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender, which...I’m sorry to say I don’t actually like anymore (THANKS, SEASON 3). But here’s where I’m going to start naming names because these ARE good fics (though, I warn you, these ARE E-rated and M-rated, so proceed at own risk). I wrote Amorous Accomplices ch. 1, starting on Tumblr and transplanting it to AO3. After that, I go on a search for the same ship, and there are a few fics out there (actually mostly inspired by mine now that I look back...I’m glad to have lent you the inspo!). I read through all of them...except the ONE that’s pretty much PWP. And then I’m out of fics. And I want more content. So, on a lark, I decide to read The Morose Motel by knockoutmouse. AND...IT’S ACTUALLY GREAT. It actually only gets to the sex several chapters in and builds up with relationship fluff beforehand, and that was probably the best way to intro me to it. I realized that erotica could be a GREAT place to see ships I liked in a new and incredibly intimate setting! Also, while I still don’t like seeing lewd fanart or nudes, I realized that just text-based stuff wasn’t so gross to me anymore - in my head, I had control over how much you could see, and if I did picture things explicitly, I still held the reins. So basically, knockoutmouse got me into reading smut. After that...I don’t necessarily like reading it for any old character combo, as it doesn’t have the *ahem* effect on me that it does other people. But I do really like reading it for ships I DO like to see how their dynamic works in the bedroom. I’ve read some really good ones for IsaLea and for animated!Jafar x Captain Hook Onceuponatime (TRUST ME IT’S A GOOD SHIP). So, if you make PWP of one of my ultra OTPs, I’ll be there! Otherwise, well, again, you do you and I’ll just find other things to read. Now, that was a long story and time you wasted when you could’ve been reading a PWP.

Favorite fic writers?

I’m glad you asked me this, because I answered it once before. And I stand by the two I said: @gavillain (one of my best buddies and a truly AMAZING writer) and Beastrage (one of the best names in the Kingdom Hearts fix-fic industry). But last time I was asked, I somehow FORGOT @imagitory, master of the LONG EPIC ensemble-cast fic. Hoooopefully I haven’t left anyone out this time? (Feel free to come banging on my door if you’re reading this and are one of the faves I forgot.)

[catflowerqueen]

You know, for all my talk about how Paula evolved, and how the circumstances are kind of suspicious if you don’t know any better… ironically, there is a pokémon in Treasure Town who actually does fit the assumptions that Wigglytuff came to by the end of the chapter. That pokémon is, of course, Marill.

Azurill have the same evolutionary requirements of pichu, and, unlike Paula, Marill did not have access to the same “shortcut,” as it were. He evolved the normal way, and, since he’s a little younger than Paula, it’s actually more suspicious that he’s currently a marill since, again, he would have to have evolved earlier than his current age. Though it does, at least, help pinpoint a more exact timeline for when the evolution issues started to become more widespread. He seems comfortable in his body (compare how differently he and his brother walk in-game, with how I had Grovyle struggle with his sudden change to moving bipedally after his own evolution), so it probably has to have been at least a few months or so since he evolved. But considering the circumstances behind it, I doubt it’s been more than six. Maybe a year, at most—but even that I feel is pushing it.

 The reason why I say this, and why I say he evolved so early, has to do with the theory Wigglytuff finally settled on for Paula’s early evolution. Marill’s catalyst was… I wouldn’t say “benign,” exactly, but it has to do with what the Kecleon brothers told the Hero and Partner during the brothers’ introduction—his mother recently became ill, so he felt like he needed to step up so he could help her and better take care of Azurill. His strong bond with his brother fulfilled the first half of his requirements, and his general maturity (based on some of the things he says in-game leading me to believe that he also leans towards being a bit of a bookworm) and the sudden change in circumstances—leading to more “experience and knowledge”—fulfilled the other half. If his mother hadn’t fallen ill, he probably wouldn’t have evolved for a few more years. Definitely not until he was at least Paula’s current age in the story, if not a bit older, even—and that’s disregarding the current difficulties everyone is having in general at this point in time. The reason no one is making a fuss about it like Wigglytuff and Chatot were with Paula is that they know the family, and are aware of the cause, so everyone knows it’s more of an unfortunate circumstance than anything else, and something beyond anyone’s control or outright influence. Also, as far as the guild goes… it’s entirely likely that they have no idea who they are beyond what Team Rainbow may have said while discussing their first outlaw capture. Maybe a few of the other apprentices, Chatot, or Wigglytuff, have seen the duo in town while stocking up on supplies, but it isn’t like they would really be friends with them the way Team Rainbow is. Especially not at the time HIPS is taking place.

 It is probably another reason why the Kecleon brothers seem so fond of the duo, though, and make a point to tell the Hero and partner about how the duo has “stepped up and taken charge,” and to directly tell the Azumarill brothers how “admirable” they are.

 If I had to guess relative ages… well, Laura’s maturity given her unfortunate circumstances growing up put a bit of a wrench in things, but I still feel like Marill is younger than her. She is exactly eleven (and a few days) at the time of meeting him, so I feel like he would be around nine, maybe ten years of age. Which is definitely younger than is typical for a marill. Azurill, then, is around six or seven—noticeably younger than his brother, but still old enough to be able to accompany Marill on quick errands even with a bit of an age-gap between the two. And that means that the brothers would still be young enough that Paula’s age of thirteen years makes her seem like a cool big-sister/older-kid type—because thirteen definitely makes you a cool teenager to younger kids, even though she only just barely qualifies as a teenager and the gap in reality is not actually that big.

 This does, of course, make me wonder a little bit about what that means in terms of perceptions about the four of them (Team Rainbow and the Azumarill brothers) as far as the Kecleon brothers go—both in canon and in HIPS. Because, of course, all of them are part of a three-stage evolutionary line, and Paula and Marill are already on stage two while Laura and Azurill are not. But Paula and Laura definitely seem older than the brothers, and by a big enough margin that the duo could look up to them and ask them for help and protection, even if the girls weren’t already expected to do that given their position as explorers training at the Wigglytuff Guild. And, of course, since all pokémon have different evolution requirements… well, the Kecleon brothers already know what caused Marill to reach his second stage so early, and marill evolve into azumarill at level 18. Treecko, on the other hand, only hit their first evolution at level sixteen, and then they evolve for the last time at level thirty-six. Then, of course, pichu share the same requirements as azurill, and then their third-stage evolution depends on owning a requisite item. Of course, that’s all going to translate differently in the story, since the story doesn’t use the same mechanisms as the “game” terms.

 That means in-story it’s probably more something like… assuming the pokémon in question even wants to evolve in the first place, and then wants to continue on a “normal” path rather than staying for an extended period of time (or forever) on one specific stage, then, typically, all three of the kids’ evolutionary lines would move onto their second stage at roughly the same time in their early teenage years (a little older than Paula is now). After that, the azumarill-line hits the third stage first, probably at the end of the teenage years. In comparison, the sceptile-line wouldn’t evolve again until late twenties, early thirties. And the raichu-line can basically evolve for the last time whenever they find a stone—and typically they would begin thinking about whether or not they would even want to during their mid-to-late teenage years, with plenty of them deciding that they are uninterested at that time (or being unable to gain possession of a stone) and then either staying a pikachu for the rest of their lives, or only evolving later into adulthood. Essentially, though, it means that if you see a marill, then—current circumstances with evolution being barred to everyone aside—you are probably looking at a teenager, while a grovyle could be anything from a teenager to a young adult and a pikachu could range anywhere from a teenager to an elder.

 Ironically, this actually means that Grovyle was pretty much right in line with the typical progression for his species-line in the world of the past—if not a bit earlier, even. Now he is probably reaching a point where it wouldn’t be unreasonable for him to think about evolving again, actually, now that the option is more open to him. And he wouldn’t have the same hang-ups that others might have considering that, even when the future was dark, his parents made it all the way to being sceptiles.

 …Where was I going with this…? Oh, right, the Kecleon brothers’ perceptions of things. Well, considering the situation with evolution currently, they probably assumed—like everyone else—that Paula was older and evolved at around the typical age, Laura would have just reached the age where she would be considering whether or not she wanted to move to the next stage before the option was barred to her, Azurill is obviously still too young either way, and Marill had to mature a little bit faster than normal. So, basically, of the four of them, Marill is the only one whose evolutionary status they would see as “unusual,” and if they’d had any thought regarding Laura or Paula it would have been that Paula was lucky she had the chance to decide before the sudden cut-off, and Laura’s situation may or may not be a little pitiable depending on whether or not she was thinking of moving to the grovyle stage.

  After finding out Team Rainbow’s true ages, though… they will probably assume that she’s in a similar boat as Marill—except maybe her circumstances were a bit more dire, considering she’s actually an apprentice. The fact that they would have seen her roaming around town during those weeks of getting cold feet about actually joining the guild—especially since she had to pass by them going to and from the guild every day, and they would have seen her disappointed expression most evenings considering where they are located relative to Sharpedo Bluff—would only make their assumptions about her situation even worse. They will probably also figure that Laura is in the same boat, if not one in even worse shape since she joined up even younger. And while they are definitely going to learn about the age thing, the amnesia and species-change thing is probably not going to come out until much, much later. Maybe. I’m still deciding on how much they’re going to share on that front, since while it’s not directly tied to the whole “the guild is now host to a Time Gear” thing, it’s… sort of indirectly tied to it, at this point? Kind of sort of?

 Like… if it comes out while they’re chatting and Laura/Paula mentions that she’s taking lessons from Sunflora, then I can see it as being part of a natural progression of that conversation. Otherwise… while it’s simple enough to discuss the age thing, since the inhabitants of Treasure Town are going to wonder why the girls aren’t going out on missions as much, there really isn’t an easy way to bring up the whole “Laura used to be a human” thing, especially now that it’s pretty firmly tied up with the whole “we think that she was part of a group of humans who worshipped the deity that gave us the Time Gears” deal—and there is no way anyone is going to be mentioning the Time Gears in any capacity considering the favor they’re doing for Uxie. And even in regards to extra training with Sunflora… it would be very easy for them to assume that’s happening because she’s young and Sunflora is the only resident grass-type around who could help her fine-tune some things, rather than because she needs to literally learn how to be a pokémon, and Sunflora is her best bet at learning since there are, actually, some things she would need to know about being a grass-type specifically. So, unless they ask specifically what sorts of things Sunflora is actually teaching Laura, and then she/Paula mentions something extremely basic and non-specific to grass-types, the species-change and/or amnesia probably isn’t going to come up until Dusknoir inevitably figures out who she is. And even that conversation is probably going to go differently, since, again, they’re going to be more concerned with the Time Gear situation at present than they are with Laura’s memories. Actually, Dusknoir is probably going to have to work solely with context clues this time around, since I highly doubt they are going to outright ask him like they did in canon, even though they probably would talk to the Kecleon and Azumarill brothers about the Dimensional Scream at some point—though Dusknoir is not likely to be the source of information for that, either.

 …Come to that, it might actually be Uxie, or one of his siblings, who finally spills the beans to Dusknoir/about Laura’s status as a former human (or at least opens a somewhat safer gateway for it to actually come up in discussion) after the Crystal Lake fight happens. It is entirely possible—and extremely likely—that while in canon Dusknoir questioned why the guild lied to him about seeing a Time Gear on their expedition, here he’s going to, instead, question why they didn’t bring up the fact that they knew Uxie. Or at the very least he’s going to use his “outsider” status to make an interested comment on that fact, since, honestly, everyone who actually knows Wigglytuff is probably going to assume that his failing to mention Uxie after the expedition was more a lie of omission anyways. Or maybe they wouldn’t even go that far, since it would be entirely reasonable for the guild to still say they didn’t really find anything on their expedition, because even if it is kind of cool that Uxie is a legendary, why would they go around spreading information about where he lived? It would be kind of rude to just announce his address willy-nilly like that, and while it’s always cool to make new friends, considering Wiggyltuff’s personality, it isn’t like that’s really notable in any way. It would not surprise anyone to learn that he’d become friends with a legendary, and since all his friends are equal in his eyes, it isn’t like he would be going around and bragging about his new friend’s status as a legendary or anything. The most important bit of that expedition for him would be the revelations about his youngest apprentices, and no one would really think to question the specifics behind how he learned that, anyways. Especially since even after Uxie identifies Grovyle as the thief, he is going to be cagey in general about when, exactly, he moved the Time Gear to begin. Or whether he even did move it to begin with, since as far as anyone knows he might not have kept the Time Gear in his actual home in the first place. So as far as anyone else knows, the Wigglytuff Guild might not have known that Uxie had any connection to the Time Gears until he brought it up after identifying the thief.

 But if Uxie, Wigglytuff, or any of the others do start to be more open about the fact that they did, indeed, meet during that expedition, then it’s entirely possible that they might discuss what Uxie tried to do for Laura, and what little information he managed to find. Even if they left the Time Gear out of it (which they definitely would if they noticed Dusknoir in earshot), it would still be enough confirmation for Dusknoir about who she is. And, really… all he would care about anyways in terms of the Time Gear is that Grovyle doesn’t come into possession of it, and that Laura remains oblivious to why she might want to go looking for any of them. Sure, maybe he would wonder idly where Uxie’s went, or whether it was even at the lake to begin with, but it ultimately wouldn’t matter to him in the long run.

 And, wow, did that get way off-topic to my original point of this post, which was that the reason no one is overly worried about the fact that Marill evolved as early as he did even though he shares his second-stage evolution method with Paula and were extremely concerned about her is because they can attribute his meeting the requirements to his bond with his little brother and wanting/needing to step up for his sick mother’s sake.