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overlydramaticinephile · 2 years

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just one kiss.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem! Reader (no physical descriptions)

Summary: Y/N happens to be falling for Steve but does he feel the same way? (pt. 2)

Word count: 3.9k

Warnings: Friends to lovers trope, based in the aftermath of season 4 but without the sad parts (the ending if y'know what i mean didn't happen like that), douche behaviour, mostly fluff though. Pretty much another teen movie vibes fic. some cursing. shy!reader but also kind of a mess!reader (English is NOT my first language)

A/N: Hi! Thank you so so much for reading Part 1 of Just one kiss. This is still inspired by The Oc season 4 (ryan x taylor) bc i love teen dramas and stevie needs more love in his life. THEREFORE, reader is like an OFC but not really, i say that bc there are a few mentions of her family. ALSO bc this is based on taylor townsend reader has some interesting characteristics but i love that character so much and idk i think it would be pretty cool to see a different kind of reader :)) so anyway if you made it this far...HOPE YOU ENJOY ILY

READ PART 1 HERE

It's been 3 days. 3 days since Steve last saw Y/N and he was feeling confused, to say the least. After that kiss, it's pretty much like what Y/N described. Arriving at Oz and everything popped into technicolor. It's a little cliche for his liking but even he had to admit it was pretty fucking weird that a simple kiss could make you question absolutely everything about a person. Because the truth is, 3 days ago Y/N was just the original not as cool babysitter, now…she was still that, but little things Steve noticed about her before started to be more present. He basically started to remember her existence and just the whole situation was killing him, he didn't know exactly what to do, so of course, he went to Robin. But since Robin wasn't home as in home in Hawkins due to some high school band trip, he was now faced to deal with the impossible task by himself.

Until…Dustin Henderson knocked on his door.

“Hey man,” said Steve not even fully acknowledging his presence, he had bigger things on his mind if you know what I mean...

“Well, well I couldn't help but notice you wanted to talk to Robin,” Dustin mentioned mocking offense.

“Uh-huh so?” Steve of course didn't realize he was kidding, he just started to think about Y/N and--

“Well, since she's out of town and she's probably gonna be moving out the next semester you're gonna need a new Robin. So, I thought I would audition for the job.”

“Oh, uh, yeah that's uh very thoughtful.” Steve didn't fully know if he was joking so he didn't try to say much about it.

“So, how does it work? do I ask you what's on your mind?”

“Uh, usually you just listen to me talk, and then I solve my problems on my own.” Steve deadpanned. That really is how it worked.

“Huh. Well, I couldn't help but noticed that you've been spending time with Y/N.”

Dustin of course loved her. She was the older sister he never had and if Steve and she ended up dating? Are you kidding me? That would be a dream come true for the kid.

“Really? Have I?” It started to feel like the universe was against Steve and the fact that he wanted to stop that growing pull towards Y/N.

“If we're gonna talk about girls, I am a far more knowledgeable resource than Robin. You know…because I have Suzie? I should pretty much give you advice all the time.”

“Okay. But you can't repeat this. Because if the real Robin found out I was telling the substitute Robin, a real secret…”

“It's in the vault.”

“Okay. I kissed Y/N. Or she kissed me. Anyway, there was a kiss and…”

“And now you can't stop thinking about her.”

“That is so cute.” Dustin couldn't help but laugh which caught Steve by surprise. What the hell?

“Pretty much.” Steve was waiting for Dustin to mock him. For some reason, he just seemed to find it hilarious whenever he talked about girls and tried to score them.

Steve narrowed his eyes trying to make sense of what was so funny. “Okay, Robin never does that.”

“Sorry, but it is. And so is she.” Why lie?

“Yeah, I know, just…me and Y/N?”

“After everything you've been through over the last few months, if something good happens, shouldn't you embrace it or at least be open to the possibility?” Hell, Dusty had some advice alright.

Steve couldn't believe he would be taking advice from a 15-year-old that spends most of his time playing D&D, not that there's anything wrong with that but you know…

“Yeah, yeah. I guess. Thanks.”

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It's been 5 days since Steve and Y/N last saw each other. Y/N was still on Steve's mind most of the time, but he decided to push the thoughts behind. He could name a million reasons on why this was a bad idea. But again, the universe seemed to not care about Steve and his reasons when he went to pick up coffee after his shift in the next-door establishment that had a bunch of little shops.

Pulling him out of his thoughts Steve heard her voice. The voice he so badly wanted to hear yet tried to forget about.

“Hi Steve.” said Y/N like nothing happened between them, like two regular friends saying hi to one another.

“I'm-I'm not here to see you. I'm just covering for Robin while she's gone.”

Steve's eyes widen, not here, not now, not anywhere to be perfectly honest. He didn't want to face her, so he did the most jerk thing to do in this situation and ran away, but not before answering her. He had that much decency.

“I gotta go. Can't talk.” he said putting his hand over the side of his face like trying not to see into those beautiful Y/E/C eyes of hers. Fearing that if he did, he wouldn't be able to leave.

“That's nice.” said Steve still walking away, hoping Y/N would give up the conversation.

“Sorry that I kissed you.” after those words came out of her mouth it's like that was all that Steve could now hear. All the background noise disappeared in a matter of seconds leaving him to face her once and for all.

“What? No, it's cool.” he said not even convincing himself.

“It's obviously not okay. You're totally uncomfortable around me now.”

“No, no. It's-- The kiss is not a problem.” At least that was true.

That seemed to relieved Y/N, like even though she was acting as if nothing happened, there was still something spinning at the back of her mind.

“Really? Good, because usually when I kiss a guy, it ends in tears. His, not mine. Because I'm a bit of a lip-biter. And, you know, sometimes I draw blood and...” and she started to ramble again.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” she cringed at herself for not learning when to stop talking or when it's too much information for that matter.

“What are you doing tonight?” said Steve in a moment of weakness and sincerity.

Y/N didn't seem to notice what his last statement truly meant.

“Oh, I'm updating my journal. It's kind of a collage really but with these--”

“Y/N, tonight. Are you busy?” Even though he liked to see her excited about these random things he was in kind of a you are making me nervous trance.

“ls that a yes?” Steve asked confused.

Holy shit thought Y/N. Was this actually happening?

“Oh.”

And with that it was like she finally completely reacted to what was happening. Not that was a good thing per se.

“Yes! it is a yes squared...in all caps with an exclamation mark and a smiley-face.” She said way too excited.

“A simple yes will do.” Steve smiled at her. How did he not notice before how cute she was when she got excited?

“Yes.” she answered more calmed now yet giving him one of the most bright and warm smiles he had ever seen. He wanted to capture that look on her face. Truth is she looked gorgeous and he wonder why she didn't smile more often and if he could make her smile more...

“Great, I'll see you tonight.”

“Do you just wanna come up to the comic bookstore?” said Y/N before Steve got to walk away. “There's a big TV, surround-sound, and many VHS.”

Steve thought that sounded perfect. A low-key night. The two of them. That should clear his mind. “All right. See you then.”

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It had been 5 days since Steve and Y/N saw each other and, on this day, day 5, they were going on a kind of date, Steve's idea by the way.

Y/N couldn't help but tell her sister all about it and with that she decided to help her with her outfit. Sure, it was a casual date thing, but she still wanted to look presentable yet this time in her own style, not unconsciously copying Nancy Wheeler's outfits. No, this time around she would stay true to herself in every way possible. So, with that in mind she decided to wear this brown turtleneck with her washed denim levis that fitted her like a glove. She put on her favorite pair of snickers and did her hair in a casual style. As for makeup, a little blush and mascara never hurt anybody.

Steve showed up at the comic bookstore Y/N told him about earlier without knowing what to think, was this a date? was he trying something out? it was all just too confusing.

Meanwhile, Y/N was putting the VHS on after Steve told her she could choose the movie. He was hoping for something fun, something that would make his thoughts slow down, but it would probably be a chick flick if he was being honest.

At least that's what he thought. Because it was much worse.

“I mean, did you ever think that time travelling could be so beautiful?” said Y/N after Marty McFly got in the famous DeLorean.

Yeah, Y/N didn't know Steve had already seen this movie. Kind of at least. July 4th, 1985. One of the many days he almost died but this time around mainly because of the Russians and that trip him and Robin were in. What a day... anyway. Steve didn't want to mention it because that's not really something you bring up at a date. Or is it a hang out? Either way he wasn't really paying attention. Too many thoughts on his mind, he did have to seem present though.

“How many times have you seen this?” Steve asked trying to make small talk.

“I watch it every night. Helps me relax.” she said way too quick to be perfectly honest. Her eyes were glued to the TV and had one hand in and out of the popcorn bowl.

“Right.”

Steve was slowly losing his mind, he was not only watching the movie that was ironically playing on one of the most traumatic days of his life but aside from that, he couldn't stop thinking on his next move. Should he grab her hand? Put his arm around her shoulders? He went with the latter. And even though he couldn't really tell, Y/N was watching his every move from her side view. They finally locked eyes and started leaning towards each other to share one more kiss.

It was going great. Y/N closed her eyes feeling Steve's hot and minty breath until she didn't anymore. While she was waiting for the kiss, Steve was analyzing her and mentally thinking along the lines of what the hell am I doing? Kissing Y/N again? She’s cute and all but-

“Is everything okay?” Y/N spoke up after realizing that nothing was happening, and that Steve was still looking at her lips. She was feeling pretty self-conscious by now.

“I'm sorry.” Steve left his trance and got up from the couch feeling like he needed some space between the two of them right now.

“So that's a no.” Y/N was confused but mostly hurt. Now it was her turn to overthink, what had she done wrong? Was this a game to him? Or-

“I can't do this.” Steve started feeling overwhelmed. He basically wanted to run out of there, but he knew that he had hurt her bad enough already.

The sadness in Y/N face suddenly washed off and changed to confusion after a little thinking. “Okay. I've done my fair share of misreading signs in my life. But you asked me to hang out. You sat next to me. You leaned in with a slight tilt of your head.”

“I know, I know, and I'm sorry. You're a great girl. It's just, this is too weird.” Jeez Steve. Kill her with kindness?

“That makes me feel so much better.” Y/N stood up, ready to leave the place and avoid the guy as much as she could.

Steve eyes widen at the realization of what he just said and how wrong it sounded. “Me! Not you, me. I'm....weird.”

But by then Y/N was one foot out the door and probably pissed off so that went out great.

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Day 6. Steve's fail date aftermath. He was hanging in his room going through does books Y/N had given him last week trying to get some work done when someone knocked on his door. Again.

He was expecting Dustin begging him for a ride when in reality it was one Eddie Munson. Now that, he wouldn't expect.

“Hey man. So, Dustin told me he came in yesterday and applied for the job of substitute Robin.”

“He may have.” Steve knew where he was going with this. It was no secret Steve and Eddie became friends after the Vecna situation, but he never expected him to actually care.

“Well, you know…if anyone's qualified, I think we all know it's me. I'm thinking the reason you didn't ask is because no interview was necessary.”

“It turns out. I may not have to fill the position. I handled the whole Y/N thing. Although it may be a little awkward for a while.”

“What happened?” Eddie's voice became a little defensive. He liked Y/N, she has always been nice to him, and she had killer music taste so, even though Steve and himself might be friends now, he might need to smack some sense into the boy if he hurts her in any way.

“Nothing happened.”

“Which was the problem for her.” Eddie could also read Y/N like the back of his hand so, of course it would be a problem for her, he knew about the little crush she had on Harrington.

“Yeah. But now I don't know. At first, I thought I was caught up in the whole Nance thing. Then I thought the problem might have been Y/N because she can be a little weird.”

That made Eddie laughs a little. He wasn't completely wrong but who wouldn't love a chick like that? “She's a touch eccentric.”

“But now I think the problems me. Maybe it's too soon.”

“So, keep it casual. You know, just tell her you need to be friends for now.”

“Yeah, that's a line every girl loves to hear.” Steve's mind went back to that fancy party they went to last week where he said he liked her as a friend. Beautiful words really.

“Well, if it's the truth, she'll understand.”

Steve let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. “Well, I don't have any other choice. So, I'll give it a shot.”

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It was day 7. Officially one week after the kiss that started this whole mess. Steve went to visit Y/N at the gift shop where she worked part time. Hoping he would find her, give her the best explanation possible and maybe go and get some coffee if he was lucky that is.

“Y/N.” Steve entered the store all hopeful. One could almost see hearts in his eyes.

“Steve.” Y/N said dryly. Steve hated not hearing the honey-like voice that would come out of her mouth whenever she said his name before. But he gets it. He would be pissed too.

“Boo!” said Y/N mimicking a scary pose.

Steve was confused but gave her a warm smile remembering what Eddie said about her been eccentric.

“Didn't run away that time, so you must not be that scared of me.”

“Brad, Steve. Steve, Brad.” Of course, his name was Brad.

Oh. “Alright, look, I just wanted to come by and apologize about last night, and... And I didn't know you had company.”

This whole time Steve was focusing on the sound of her voice or how cute she looked in that outfit that he didn't notice the blonde standing next to her who was probably a jock.

“Brad.”

“Steve.”

Well, it definitely was awkward.

“I've been helping Brad track down this Michael J. Fox biography. It turns out that he watches Back to the Future every night before he goes to bed too.” said Y/N with a proud grin.

“Wow, that's--” again with Back to the Future, awesome.

“Kismet? I know. Maybe it's too soon to talk about fate, but...” Y/N was using all the dramatic romance tactics that she has seen on TV. The talk about destiny and soulmates. But that was all it was, talk. Not that Steve realized that.

“Yeah, anyway, I just wanted to see if you needed a ride home or anything.”

“Oh, I got my bike, thanks.” said Brad. How cute.

“Not you.”

“Well, that is very friendly of you, Steve. Since I'm assuming that's what you want us to be, just friends.” she's always one step ahead of him he had to give her that.

“Well, if you're cool with that.” mumbled Steve. He didn't know if he was jealous or nervous, but neither were a good option.

“All right, well, you know, I'll see you, then.”

“Steve Harrington, mon ami. Sounds terrif.” Y/N gave her hand to Steve to shake and get this over with. She wanted to seem like what he did, didn't affect her. That she had moved on.

“But Brad and I were just gonna hang out and order some takeout...so if you don't mind…” she was basically kicking him out. Not that he could blame her.

“Bye, friend.” said Y/N in that dry tone again. A tone that Steve got to hate.

“Bye, Steve. Nice to meet you, man.”

“Bye, Brad...”

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It's been an entire week and Steve still couldn't get Y/N out of his mind. Which sucked for him, but the good news was that Robin arrived that day too, so at least he was excited to discuss different things with her again.

“So, the good news is, I think she likes me. Bad news is, I'm not sure if she still has a boyfriend.”

She must mean Vickie.

“What?” Steve had spaced out again.

“Vickie was at the trip. Stuff happened. I'm about to head over to her house.”

Then it clicked. Vickie and Y/N were neighbors.

“Can I come?” said Steve with this tone of anxiety all over him.

“I appreciate your interest, but I think this is a conversation just for the two of us.”

“ls Y/N gonna be there?”

“I assume so...”

“I like her.” Steve didn't hesitate this time. He had no excuses either.

“Say what now? Why would you even think that?” Robin was surprised. She was gone a week and suddenly he liked her back?

“Because I keep imagining her on roller skates…and washing windows with a big bucket of soapy water.”

“Dude, your fantasies are so pedestrian. A sudsy girl? That's so average.”

“Doesn't mean it's not hot.”

“I guess they call them classics for a reason.”

“Do you wanna drive or should l?”

---------------------------------

Steve entered Y/N's house which was full of teenagers. Was Y/N L/N having a party? Nope. Soon he realized it was her sister's birthday party. Still, that meant she must be in the house somewhere.

“Y/N? You here?” Steve decided to check the rooms, maybe she was hiding in there or watching Back to the Future again. He wouldn't be surprised but as soon as he opened the door to the next room, he heard a familiar voice under the covers of the bed next to some laughter.

“Steve?” Brad's head popped out of the duvet to take a better look at him.

What the fuck? “Brad, hey. Keep doing what you're doing. I was looking for Y/N, but clearly, she's--”

“Who's Y/N? Is this your boyfriend?” that's when another guy showed his face under the covers.

Steve was just confused by now but the larger issue at hand was, “Y/N isn't in there with you guys, is she?”

“Nope.”

“I barely even know her. She told me if I pretended to like her, she'd give me her employees discount at the shop. It's extremely rare.”

With that Steve felt the biggest relief. He wasn't too late.

“Okay. Um, what are you doing, man? I mean, I think Y/N really likes you. And your kind of leading her on.”

“Wait, she paid you to pretend to like her? Huh. That sounds like Y/N. All right, well, carry on.”

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Finally, after what felt like hours, he found Y/N in the kitchen, and he cursed himself for not checking there sooner.

“Y/N.”

“Steve.” That dry tone again.

“What are you doing?”

“Someone wrote I love poop on this poor guy's face. That kind of thing can scar you for life.” she said as she rubbed his forehead with a sponge hoping the sharpie would come off.

“No, what are you doing paying your gay friend Brad to pretend he's in love with you?”

“It's a little strange.” he couldn't help but say.

Oh, that.

“Well, what if I did hmm? What if I did rent a homosexual for the evening? And pay him with rare gifts from my employee discount? What difference does it make to you?” Y/N was now standing at his eye level making a serious face because she in fact was genuinely curious.

Y/N tossed her hands to her sides with desperation. “Well, so am l. Which is why you ran away from me last night.”

“No, it wasn't because you're strange.”

“You don't find me strange?” Y/N narrowed her eyes. That would be a first.

“No, I do, but it's not why I took off.” Well, never mind.

Might as well rip off the band-aid. “Look, I'm not really ready for a relationship right now. Or a girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? Cart, horse. Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself there?” Y/N scoffed.

“Well, I mean, just because I wanna spend time with you...doesn't mean that we have to get married.”

“I see.” Steve couldn't help but smile, it was like she was reading his mind.

“Look, you're a sweet, smart, great guy, Steve Harrington. And hot. Did I mention hot?”

Okay so now she got him fully blushing, his cheeks were turning red and he had that little smirk that could melt the hearts of a thousand people.

“So, whatever happens, happens.” look at her being all smooth.

“Y/N, that's--”

“Normal? Yeah. I have my moments.”

And with that they were going for the next kiss, the first kiss since last week. Their faces were so close together--

“You know, this is my first college bash. Have you ever played Seven Minutes in Heaven?” Poor Y/N didn't realize those weren't the games they played at a university party but Steve found it so adorable that he didn't want to burst her bubble of the world.

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She drew him toward her with her eyes, he inclined his face toward hers when suddenly but surely their lips touched, this kiss felt more eager but passionate at the same time. They were fully making out by now and Steve was filled with the warm and fuzzy feeling he had the other day that he saw her smile. He thought—

“Okay, seven minutes are up. Said you wanted to take it slow.” said Y/N in a mocking but sweet tone.

“Yeah, well, I don't think eight minutes would be rushing it. Nine seems like a good pace. And- and ten is a nice, round number.”

Steve started to realize about the power she was slowly having over him, she could lure him back anytime she wanted he just had to be honest about it.

There will be a part 3 bc I want relationship progress! 😊 love you guys thank you so much for reading. Should I start a tag list? Comment if you would be interested! Okay bye! Have an amazing weekend and see you next week

FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED <3

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve stranger things #steve harrington x reader #joe keery #joe keery x reader #joe keery imagine #stranger things #stranger things x reader

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gb-patch · 3 years

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Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference!

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked.

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :)

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right?

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty!

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe?

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in?

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more!

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch?

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that.

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :)

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂).

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4?

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc.

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before!

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that?

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever?

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :>

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game?

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1.

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you?

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing?

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc?

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments?

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress?

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

#our life #ask #gb patch #gb patch games #all projects #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever

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manchesterau · 4 years

Text

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point.

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore).

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-'

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll).

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal).

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end)

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared.

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*

#*#my policeman #godd this book...i cant wait for the movie #mp

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stray-tori · 3 years

Text

TPN S2 Appreciation

I remembered I started this so here we are: there's a lot of problems with s2 but you've probably heard everyone talk about them anyway so I'm skipping that and going straight to all the stuff I DID like about s2:

opening

episode 1

(episode 1) seeing them interact with the environment

(episode 1) Ray running + being out of breath animation and voice acting

episode 2

(episode 2) especially the parallel with the drop like holy shit

episode 3

(episode 3) the fish bug scene while maybe out-of-place is pretty cute and funny

(episode 3) the wall scare is pretty ominous and as of ep3, not yet stupid.

the **OPENING**

(episode 4)

(episode 5) the shot of the apple rolling and the camera turning over with it. so cool.

(episode 4) Ray shooting the demon animation cut even though Emma was robbed

(episode 4) Chris knowing the bunker tunnels after we saw him playing there with other children is really nice. Especially knowing that in the manga he's sad he can't explore properly, I think it's a nice in-character touch haha.

(episode 5) masked Norman with blood splattering behind him

Myuk Mahou cover art makes them look so cuteeeee

portraying the two worlds in parallel from the OP to wanting to care and save your family

the opening making me cry every time

cup-kun memes

(episode 3) them entering the bunker being so fecking tense and suspenseful, like i was expecting a corpse the entire time pff-

(episode 5) ray and emma using hand signals during the rooftop chase

(episode 5) the natural in-convo reveal about how they hide their scent by Lani/Thoma

(epsiode 5) the detail that they throw it in the fire to spread the masking scent when the old demon gets there

(episode 5) the old demon scene (listen ik people questioned this, but it's an old weak demon... I kind of see it like helping out a weak strong animal. I doubt this old geezer would have jumped Emma; it could reveal their location, that's true, but oh well - it’s implied he met them more often before so maybe Emma just slowly considered over time / maybe her realizing they’re not that different and all that yadayada)

(episode 5) Emma doubting herself because they've literally just been chased around (ik some people didn't like this and I get why but they've been barely surviving for like 11 months... she's lost and paralyzed, she's allowed to have her doubts, though they could be worded a bit differently. It just sucks that there wasn’t much of an arc regarding this after that, so. Yay Norman Christ has rescued us all.)

(episode 6) the reunion hug / scene, it looked so soft and nice ahhh- the entire art in that scene was just nice.

(episode 6) the atmosphere and framing of when Barbara was eating the demon meat. it came pretty unexpected and the moment you realize was such a big “ohhh… oh no.“

(episode 7) Lani and Thoma mentioning the migrating birds during their tower watch and that then later coming back when the kids think about where they could be was nice!

(episode 7) Norman’s soft “be careful” to Emma and Ray

(episode 7) Also Ray's reaction to "the gate is in gf" is just a mood haha

(episode 7) THE SHIPMENT PARALLELS! the sounds, grabbing his hand this time when he had to take hers during his shipment AHHH-

(episode 7) evolvment of the “dont do it on your own / involve your family/friends” by asking Gilda and Don to come with them on the search for Sonju/Mujika. Sadly this doesn’t carry over to ep11 where they decide to do sth as drastic as staying behind for god-knows-how-long without letting anyone know beforehand.

(episode 7) like their reactions to it are so wholesome, I really like how it is portrayed. Especially because up until now Emma was still bottling up. Idk I like that it takes a while for this to really settle in properly.

episode 8

(episode 8) “are you god?” / “I’ll be a god or a devil” / “are you a human?”

(episode 8) showing the demon suffering pretty graphically for what I expected

(episode 8) the simple fact that I got the experience of pure euphoria and a laughing attack when the parallel between Vylk and Norman was actually a thing, when I was so confused why they both had a distinct characteristic (the walking stick) in episode 5. My friends thought I was crazy but I was just big brain. (we were robbed of more stick though)

(episode 8) norman hand symbolism, with blood, Emma grabbing it, him looking at it and how it ties Emma to his plan inherently and then when it's not his blood on his hands but someone's that he's taking away from another living being.

(episode 9) the unspoken realization that he’s not the only one being tested by the test scanner was on the right-hand side. good shit. Ik thats technically not the anime’s idea but I like how they put the focus on it with blur and didn’t actively state it.

(episode 9) him coughing up blood to show how fast it’s been progressing/getting worse // though that implies he refused to take his meds OR that its that bad even with the meds which I don’t think is the point. Like the psychological warfare of giving the kids a condition that they can only fight while they’re in their prison bc they’ll run out of meds is just. hHHH

(episode 9) I really liked Norman going to talk to Vylk and… hhh- Emma *AHEM* and how he didn’t really know what to say, and .........… E-EmMa going up to him and apologizing for what demons did, showing empathy and understanding AND ABSOLUTING WRECKING NORMAN and me. man, cycle of hatred bad.

(episode 10) Emma speaking over the radio to everyone is just… so heartfelt ahh

(episode 10) The little kids sneaking amongst the others is rly cute and honestly kind of epic haha

(episode 10) the moms/sisters either not noticing them or not doing anything bc they’re on their side anyway is just… a funny thing to think about either way

(episode 10) Phil and Emma hug TvT

(episode 10/11) MICHELLEEEEEEE

(episode 11) the turning ceiling is pretty

(episode 11) I like the shadow asthetic of the Ratri exposition, generally the Ratri exposition is pretty nice aside from being so fast you cannot take all that in and process it properly

(episode 11) dramatic gate closing is dramatic

(episode 11) the slideshow of them in the human world gives nice glimpses into things, even if… very vague haha. Especially the shot of Isabella playing guitar stuck with me. And Phil on a train! Not a steam one, sadly.

(episode 11) while the demon world slideshow is uhhhhh SOMETHING, I do like that the weird dragon-on-water thing is in both the Ratri exposition during the promise thing and then also at the end, which at least gives A BIT of context to what's likely happening. Idk I liked that, but then again my standards aren't very high.

I'm not saying any of this outweighs the problems bc oh boy, but ye.

#tpn #tpn anime #tpn s2 #the promised neverland s2 #positivity #tori talks #tori has opinions

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illyrian-lover-flower · 3 years

Note

What are your top 10 and bottom 10 ACOTAR characters?

Hello sweet anon, I first wanted to thank you so much (you brightened my day with that😊) and before we start I just thought to tell you that this turned out rather long, so I summarized it at the top and put my whole reasons under the cut😄

Positive:

1. Elain/ 2. Azriel/ 3. Nuala & Cerridwen/ 5. Lucien/ 6. Amren/ 7. Alis/ 8. Nesta/ 9. Cassian/ 10. Feyre

Negative:

10. Morrigian/ 9. Graysen/ 8. Rhysand/ 7. Cauldron/ 6. Attor/ 5. Amarantha/ 4. Ianthe/ 3. Luciens Brothers/ 2. Beron Vanserra/ 1. -

+ 1. Elain

Ok, so I just love this female. I love how Elain is not portrayed as the type of woman who does need a weapon to get what she wants. It is true that one might take her outstanding beauty as a weapon (it sure is) but she can achieve a lot of good things by just using her words and charisma, letting peace remain, before one might do the wrong step and start a war.

Elain is in my opinion though not only charismatic, but also really … yeah silent and well behaved. She does not need to be the centre of the party or a conversation, we have learned she enjoys the company of silence too and her language or the way she is, just speaks on another level. One might say she has a stick shoved up her ass, but I don’t think that this is the case, simply bc we have seen Elain act on her own emotions as well, she just seems to prefer to hold up that mask of her human days around her family, she can use curses too and also have dirty thoughts (her reaction to Azriel on solstice (this was no shock, fear or whatever one might claim!)) god forbid!

Something I also love about her is her seer ability, I am most of the time really intrigued by the future, so seeing her look into the still foggy realms of what is to happen, is really interesting.

+ 2. Azriel

This boy just deserves all the love this world has to give! One of the reasons probably bc dark and broody males with a whole wall of mystery build around them are my typ. But no, seriously – I think Az is one of the most misunderstood characters, mostly by his family.

Bc even though he has known the greatest part of his family for 500+ years, no one seems to understand him, his feelings or his wishes (Thank you Rhysand!) as everyone just assumes Azriel is Azriel and is just ok with being where his family is( Obligated to be the fifth wheel for the rest of eternity!😭)

Something which I also think the IC mistakes is his silence. It might seem as if Azriel barely has anything to say, but I guess it is more the other way around, as we have figured out that if he talks it is always well thought with deep meanings, at times even poetic from the bottom of his heart and often used to motivate or encourage someone. I just think he picks his words so carefully bc he is afraid to give away too much of himself and that everything he might say, or every thought he harboured, could be used against him, so that he would be wounded (THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THAT RHYSAND!)

+ 3. Nuala & Cerridwen

I just love both of them, so I was not able to put one of them on a fourth place.

Anyway, Nuala and Cerridwen are two characters who are also majorly underestimated. Those two have a quiet side which makes most of the people around them forget that they even exist, which is pretty noticeable from Feyres, Rhysands and even Nestas pov (though I am not gonna lean too wide out of the window with her since I haven’t read Acosf yet) Those two could literally plan to overthrow an High Lord and we would only know the moment it is too late,bc everyone seems to forget about their existence. Something I also love about them, is their whole character. We don’t know much about them now, but it already is noticeable that they accept people like they are, for they have no fear of Azriel, nor do they act around Elain as if she were made of glas.

+ 5. Lucien

Lucien is just an innocent bean who deserves all the love in all of Prythian! I might be an Elriel stan, but you might want to address the fact that not even one rooting for Elriel is oblivious to the shit show which took place in Luciens life. Undermined son, lover killed in front of his eyes, abused/used by his best friend and on top of that practically homeless. He knows that he can’t go back to the spring court yet, for things with Tamlin did not yet settle down, he also knows he isn’t also really home at the Night Court and god forbid if he ever thought of entering Autumn again! If it wouldn’t be for the Band of Exils (Thank god they exist) he’d be all lonely and without a roof over his head.

And this is something our sassy, witty fox does not deserve.

+ 6. Amren

Amren is just a character I identify with. She seems like as if she is only caring about her own stuff and only mind her business, while in truth she just doesn’t know how to express the love she feels for her family, as we know from her former past she did not even receive love, and just cares the most about her family.

Something I also love about her is her whole behaviour if one is to doubt her size. In my country I barely scratch the minimum of average height, so a friend of mine likes to make jokes about my size (much like Cassian about Amren), so seeing how she just shows him his place with a glare or some sharp words is just satisfaction to me.

+ 7. Alis

The kindness with which Alis treated Feyre in Acotar just sort of stuck to me and as I did not really find a character in Prythian, who was born there, who had the same kindness as her – she just stayed.

+ 8. Nesta

Nesta is a character I absolutely love, in Acotar I do admit I did not pay that much attention to her or Elain, but I just love how strong minded she is. She had been fighting for her own goal the moment she got spit out of the cauldron and she did not particularly stray from that. I also adore her for her strength – she wouldn’t even have been in the need to learn combat in order to hurt someone, as Nesta just analyses the people around her so much, so that she’ll know exactly what would feel to them like a gut stab.

The fact that Nesta is a huge bookworm and a dreamer in her own way makes her even more awesome.

+ 9. Cassian

Now you can just love this guy! He might have his ups and downs, but in the end he always worked his way out of them. Cassian just has such a big heart, that much like Nesta, he would do anything in order to protect his family and loved ones.

And while he is great to cheer one up, he might not be the brightest candle on the cake, but he would still go to the end of the world if it meant he could fight and protect those he loves. Something I also liked was that he is practically the one who started this whole thing with the females training while Rhysand just let the Illyrians do like they please.

+ 10. Feyre

As the main character we had learned a lot about her and I am happy that she is alive, has her freedom, is in love with her mate, has a child, a loving family and a really high title (*cough* High Lady). But what I think she could have done different was the way of how she treated both, Elain and Nesta, during their traumas.

Even though Nesta might not have shown her trauma that clear in the beginning, she could have still looked over the plates rim once it was almost tearing through one’s ears in a painful scream of help that Nesta was not fine. And judging someone straight out mad or considering it while you yourself have not even a real clue of how this whole Prythian thing works is just a big no-no. Elain doubted herself already enough, Feyres fear that she might have gone mad was not helping the situation.

And well Nestas story is one I can’t particularly dive into yet, but from what I have read (Acofas) she dealt with it the wrong way. It might have been that she and Nesta did not have the best relationship and she might have even wondered if she was entitled to bound with her sister on such a topic, but when Nesta pushed each of them away Feyre should have not moved away from her.

Feyre already did a lot for her, true, but Feyre knew herself how it was to have a trauma and she herself had pushed help, in the first months, away, but however I am overall just happy she got her happy ending.

- 10. Morrigian

I have criticized Morrigian already a lot, but I will just say it again.

First of, I don’t hate her. Morrigian is a character who I think has a lot to tell, as we know she kept the biggest part of herself a secret until now, but I just don’t like how she claims to trust the IC while in truth she refuses to tell them of her sexuality (the thing she seems to be afraid? of the most.)

I know the Azriel pining after her for 500+ years, was a lot of pressure on her back, but she could have also just told him she wasn’t interested or loved females (if she wouldn’t have been fine with telling Rhys). However I think she is going to be one of the more important side characters as I think her situation and everything that follows, pretty much sums up how gays/lesbians and other LGBTQ members feel now a days. And I think her journey is sort of supposed to help to overcome those struggles.

I at least hope she gets her journey.

- 9. Graysen

Graysen was an ass for breaking the engagement of like a toddler, that’s it – end of the song. If he would have told Elain he couldn’t trust her bc she lied to him – ok.

But the tune makes the music! Keep that in mind,Nolan!

- 8. Rhysand

Now Rhysand is to me a character who tip toes on a two sided blade.

I normally do like him, he is kind and caring and no doubt would die for the people he loves, but he has a very, very hard time separating work from private life. The example I’ll go with is the big bad magical solstice. He might have claimed that the kiss between Elain and Az could have invoked a blood duel, if Lucien would have notice, possibly even provoking a war between Night and Autumn (work) but his ulterior motive were Feyre and Nyx, no one blames him for that, but it is a private reason and excuse he should not use while speaking as the High Lord.

And again, when Az starts doubting the Cauldron with choosing the wrong mate for Elain, Rhys assumes it is just lust speaking from Az and commands him as the High Lord to stay away from Elain (low blow of assumption, but not my point) while he then offers to pay for the pleasure halls Azriel could possibly seek out (according to him). With what money would he have paid it, his own (private) while he was speaking as the High Lord, or the exchequer (work)?

You see my point? Anyway Rhys is a loving character, but he is just a bit troubled ruling an entire court (this huge) and having a family to take care of. Perhaps he is having it settled in a few years, but until then we will just have to wait and see.

- 7. Cauldron

I don’t really know if you can call the Cauldron a character, but I just placed it here as I hated how it had humiliated Nesta and Elain.

The bloodshed it caused was also nothing I ever want to mention again.

- 6. Attor

Now just the Rainbow and the attack on Velaris, just this, nu-uh man.

- 5. Amarantha

I hated her for killing innocent fae, enslaving High Lords or in general and setting up ‘riddles’ (games) in which the life of helpless fae was depending on a human who could barely safe herself with a bargain. Something I also kind of take personal is how she treated Jurian, I mean ok – he deserved a punishment, but like setting him in chains and having him barely at the minimum of survival would have been also fine.

- 4. Ianthe

Just the Suriel! This was when I took things personal! (I’ll add an 11 to the list above – I loved the weaver!)

- 3. Luciens Borthers

Luckily, most of those little shits got what they deserve.

I don’t grow up in a family very high in statues, so I don’t know how it is, but no matter if poor or rich – siblings should fight together instead of against each other! And most definitely not kill the female their brother loved!

- 2. Beron Vanssera

I hate him for having hesitated saving Rhys, watching how his sons treated Lucien and how he could possibly let anything as terrifying, as what had happened to Mor, happen. Also – it’s just the way how he treats his wife!

Someone really hadn’t drunken his ‘respectful juice’, for the last fucking Millenia!

- 1. /

I don’t really despise a character entirely, as I know each and every one has a bright and dark side of the coin (Still trying to find the bright side of Luciens father and brothers though)

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dreamerandcrazy · 4 years

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Ok, so I haven't been able to comment much on my Riverdale rewatch mostly bc i'm watching it with my boyfriend and we have an agreement of no cell phones when we're watching, otherwise we can't pay proper attention to it. But I wrote down some notes about the episodes I did watch (I watched up until ep 6, which is very ironic bc apparently today is its anniversary, so yay for my perfect timing). I actually remember most of the stuff that happened in s1, so here's mostly a few things I paid more attention to or noticed about the characters and the ships, or things i'm able to look at through a different view now that i've watched all the seasons. Strap in if you want to see my notes, if not just scroll please, no ship or character hate here please. Also, feel free to ignore, this is really just a personal look in some stuff I didn't notice in my first watch.

- Betty's character used to be much happier and lighter in season 1. I know we're introduced to "Dark Betty" right in episode 3, but still, I feel like the way Lili played Betty in season 1 did not hold the same "darkness" as it does in the following seasons. The scene where she is dancing happily in her bedroom because she's going to homecoming with the boy she likes? The scene where she introduces Jughead to the Blue & Gold and gets him to work with her? Her genuine innocent happiness at seeing her sister again after so much time? The way she interacted with Kevin and Veronica? Those were all chef's kiss because she actually feels like a teenager in them. In all her girly glory, she radiates youth energy and it's a thing that was sadly lacking after s1. Btw this is not a critique at Lili's acting at all, I blame it entirely on Ras and his obsession with dark Betty.

- There's actually so many indications of Cheryl being a lgbt character in the first episodes that I have no idea how I missed it the first time. But then again, there were many indications with Veronica as well, and sadly that's not the path Ras chose for her.

- Jughead in s1 is truly so superior in so many ways that it's not hard to see why he quickly became such a fan favorite. I think even if he wasn't played by Cole Sprouse, he still would have conquered many fans' hearts. Sadly, the things that made Jughead such a loving and interesting character for me also fizzled out in s2 when the writing team decided to make him a woke serpent leader instead of allowing him to sticking to his true personality as a passionate mystery lover, a dedicated friend and very nerdy, which was very cute. I feel that we got some of that back for him in s4, which was good, but sadly s1 is where my love for him really stayed to stay. But I still care for him, and s5 has a promising storyline for him which i'm excited about, so let's see if s5 Jughead can become better than s1 Jughead.

- Going back again to Cheryl for a sec, I just noticed that the red lipstick actually wasn't that common for her in s1? At least not in the first five. I wonder when did it start becoming her trademark? Anyways, it's actually a really good look her and allows you to appreciate Madelaine's natural beauty even more.

- Also, did anybody notice how Alice lowkey figured out who killed Jason in ep 2 lmao, like... in episode two she legit says she wouldn't be surprised if the Blossoms themselves had killed Jason, which... is what happened LMAO, considering we know it was his father. And even more hilarious and tragically ironic note, in ep 6 she's laughing at Betty suggesting that Hal killed Jason because "do you think your father has the stomach for it?!"... Ma'am... i'm-.... 😂😂😂😂.

- This rewatch has reminded me of how much I adored and how I much I miss Josie and the Pussycats. The girls were such a nice addition to the cast, and their songs were so beautiful. I truly wish we get to see them again someday, but at the same time I also think the actresses deserve to be at a work place where they're given the treatment they deserve and not completely ignored and treated like extras.

- Archie/Valerie was super cute and is very underrated in the fandom, but i'm glad Valerie stood up for herself and didn't take any of Archie's or Cheryl's sh*t. Still sucks because they were really good together, though.

- Why was Jason not allowed to talk, lmao? Like, i'm sure it's become a running joke in the show at this point, but back when season one was airing what was the excuse for it? He appeared in so many flashbacks and scenes and we still never heard a single word ☠️☠️☠️☠️. I just want to know what was the reason lol.

- I liked s1 Reggie, but I feel like Charles Melton's Reggie is better because he actually feels like a douche with good intentions lol, and he has more of a personality. Most of the time I even forgot about Reggie in s1, but after s2 he definitely made me more aware of him. So for that, I like Charles Melton's Reggie more. But the actor from s1 still did a good job with what he was given.

From now on I will be talking about the ships, so bear with me, and know that I am a multishipper. Yes, I have my preferences. No, my word is not law, it's just an opinion, so please respect it.

- Bughead is still super cute in s1. I feel like from s1 they will always be my otp, even if I no longer feel as strongly about them now and have a different insight as to where I would like their story to go, and now I definitely see the problem others had mentioned before of how they kind of took over the show, which is something I kind of closed my eyes to before... But I really loved them in s1. It felt like a very juvenile teenage relationship, they didn't give much thought on why and if they should be together, they just went for it like teenagers usually do, and they were very very cute together.

- I feel like if you don't count Beronica (because they really were the best no matter what you say or ship), if there's a ship that deserves "best chemistry" award for s1 is probably Varchie. I lost my interest in them years ago, but this rewatch reminded me of why I actually loved them once. They never really became an otp for me, but Kj and Camila's chemistry in s1 was VERY GOOD, and I really liked them. Their kiss in the pilot was electric and the s&xual tension was OOF, and that chemistry carries on through the season. You can easily tell something will happen between them eventually. It makes me sad bc I don't know what happened after s1, but their chemistry from s2 onwards was just... not there for me. Which is ironic bc it's the season they truly started dating and they got a lot of smexy scenes, but I just... didn't feel it. But I'll leave that comment to my s2 rewatch. For now just let me enjoy Varchie's chemistry in s1 while it lasts because it was really good.

- Now we get to Barchie, who I made clear was the reason for my rewatch, so let's get to it. I LOVED the way Barchie was written in s1. I remember when I first watched Riverdale, I was curious about their dynamic but didn't put much thought into it because I loved Bughead too much and wanted them to be together, and I thought Barchie would be the traditional "first og ship" thing and wouldn't have a big follow up, but boy was I WRONG and am I GLAD for it. I'll talk more about their development in the next seasons when I get there, so for now let's focus a bit on s1. Just in like the first two episodes, there is so much Barchie foreshadowing, like, it's legit insane how it was right there in my face and I missed it the first time! "I have never felt what i'm supposed to feel with betty", "it's not my fault he doesn't like you", "I can't give you the answer you want"... Omg, those are obvious eyebrow raising "this will come back to bite you in the a$$" moments and it's incredible how they actually DO! I would call it clever writing, but like... it's Riverdale lol. So I really am just glad that the ship was done this way, i'm glad Barchie has the back story that they do, they've really come a LONG way and i'm happy I get to experience their whole growing storyline. It's also especially good because s1 actually provides you with scenes that show you their friendship and how they're so close, you see them hanging out, talking, their pictures together, everything was just really done well with them. Still have a bit of critique with the way Archie contradicted himself sometimes regardinf his feelings for Betty, but let's be honest, we've watched enough Riverdale to know that's just a problem with the writing.

- Kevin/Joaquin is still my favorite Kevin ship, i'm sad it's completely impossible to go back to them someday so for now i'll just be really glad it existed and that I got to see them even if it was short-lived. They had great chemistry and their kiss scenes always outsold.

- Beronica... sigh. Beronica. The most wasted chemistry i've ever seen on CW and I've watched a LOT of CW shows. There was so much potential there, s1 was practically overflowing with them and it's one of the reasons it became some popular. I remember when the Beronica fandom was the biggest one, ah, good times. Veronica and Betty were easily the best part of season 1, their friendship, their lowkey romantic moments, they were just superior in every way. This ship deserved better, not even just as a ship, but as a friendship.

- Veronica's s1 hair >>> Veronica's hair in seasons 2-4. I loved the side part and I am glad it's back in season 5, it looks so much better like that.

- Cheryl, as always, deserves better. Can't wait for her to meet Toni so I can watch again Cheryl finally get to love someone and be loved back, which is exactly what she deserves.

For now, that is all! I will probably make another post soon when i'm done with season one and from season two on I will be live-blogging the episodes since I will be watching it alone. Once again, pls, no hate, my thoughts are my thoughts. Peace.

#bri rewatches riverdale #riverdale #barchie #choni

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jung-snoopy-woo · 4 years

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How I Met Your Grandfather

~ Chapter 4 ~

(gif credit: @ katelin via Pinterest)

Pairing: Bang Chan × reader, twin brother! Felix.

Other Chapters: Masterlist | 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 (coming soon!!).

Genre: fluff, a bit of angst.

Warnings: None :)

Word Count: 1.6k+.

Summary: Felix and his sisters go to the movies together after a long time. Felix is surprised to see Chan there too and they have a talk. When Felix and the girls get home, he decides to tell her about the situation.

A/N: Decided to upload it today bc I might not have time in the next few days (I’m so stressed and busy vndsfjkvdvnk)

Also, I think this chapter was the hardest for me to write so I’m sorry it’s not the best 😢😢 but hopefully you can still enjoy it!!

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"Y/N!!!", Rachael, your older sister, called from downstairs. "We're only going to the movie theater, what's taking you so long??"

It's not that you were slow or anything like that, it's just that it's been a while since you last went out with all of them and you were so excited, as a huge Marvel fan who finally gets to watch the new movie with her siblings who are also her best friends in the world, that it might've taken you a while to choose what to wear and how to look presentable.

As you walked down the stairs, Olivia and Rachael complimented the way you looked and Felix gave you a little smile. You two started talking again (of course, as you two are like the best siblings... Also, you got mad about something that wasn't even his fault), and you seemed pretty fine after that day (when you stormed outside for a reason Felix haven't figured out yet, but as you already moved on- he just thought it was better not to ask. I mean, all siblings have small fights they don't even know what they're about, right?).

He missed hanging out with his sisters so much, and it's been a while since he had some break from practicing or performing, being busy all the time. He always felt sorry for not even telling them that he was okay, as he always fell asleep before he could even think of doing so. He was exhausted, but he loved what he was doing.

Rachael was driving and she let you choose the music to play in the car. You decided to play some Stray Kids songs (such a supportive cute family awww) so you all jammed to them on your way to the movies.

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"Shhhhh~!!", you told Olivia who was sitting to your right as she was moving uncomfortably, "it's about to start!"

"But uhmm.. I... I really have to go to the bathroom.. please, Y/N, come with me", she said, begging. You couldn't get angry at her because you remembered how you did just the same to Rachael not too long ago. And you know, no one wants to go to the public toilets alone.

When you got back, the lights were already off but you could see from afar that there was someone now sitting on the seat to your left, which was empty just before you and Olivia left. You said "excuse me", as you made your way to your seat, trying your best not to step on anyone's feet (Olivia was a lot better than you at that). "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!", you told the guy sitting there. Of course, if you succeeded going all this way without stepping on (almost) anyone, it had to happen just when you were one seat away from yours. And thank God you balanced yourself back, a second before almost tripping and falling over him. 'Ugh, this is probably going to be so awkward now', you thought. 'I'm just going to avoid looking at him the whole movie so I don't have to deal with his judgemental look. "Oh, it's okay", a somehow familiar voice said. 'Don't look', you told yourself. 'It's not him, stop thinking and just enjoy the movie.'

'Why isn't she looking at me?', Chan thought. When you almost lost your balance as you stepped on his foot, he was ready to catch you if you fell, movie style, somewhat disappointed you didn't. He thought you'd turn to him once you heard his voice, but he was faced with disappointment, yet again. Maybe you didn't recognize his voice? Or maybe you knew it was him and just didn't care?

But he had so much fun watching you as you got excited when your favorite character appeared or the way you got mad at the evil ones. He enjoyed the moments you'd be the only one laughing in the whole theater, the most. Just listening to your laugh made him feel ×100 times better. He even stopped making up scenarios in his head as to why you didn't turn to him at the beginning of the movie. He thought of how you'd laugh at his stupid jokes, when him and the boys visited, and smile to himself.

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"Chris hyung??", Chan heard from behind him, on his way to the male's restrooms during the Intermission (a/n: I don't know if movies still have them out of my city but yeah we have those halfway through the movie lol). Felix could recognize the older boy's back everywhere. 'Oh, no', Chan thought. 'Why does it have to be Felix? Ughhh and why did I get myself into this mess? I didn't even get to say a word to her...Should I walk faster or...', he stopped. 'NO Chris, you have to face it like an adult'. He turned and gave Felix the most I'm-innocent-and-didn't-ask-your-younger-sister to-buy-me-a-ticket-so-I-could-see-your-twin-sister smile he could pull, saying "Heyyy Felix, how's it going?"

"I'm pretty good, just got out of the new Marvel movie... You?", Felix asked. He wasn't stupid, of course. When Y/N and Olivia left to go to the bathroom, in the beginning of the movie, he could see someone that resembled his friend way too much, sitting on the left to Y/N's seat, but he let this thought go, thinking it was just his imagination ('Thinking of the members during the holiday? Come on, I have to just relax'). But now, seeing him standing in front of him, there's no doubt it really was him. And to be honest, Felix wasn't very happy to see him here. The chances of Chan sitting so close to them in such a big movie theater were... Well, very small.

"Oh, I was just...", Chan started. The look on Felix's face made it pretty obvious that he saw him there, and that he was pretty mad too. There's no point in lying here. He sighed. "Listen, Lix, I'm sorr--"

"How?", Felix asked, as Chan lifted his eyes to look at his, confused. "How did you get that seat?", He asked, now being a bit less angry and more curious.

"I... I asked Olivia to buy a ticket for me when I saw her after grocery shopping", He admitted. He couldn't be any more embarrassed than he was at that moment. "I gave her the money!", He added. Chan couldn't read Felix's face. Was he mad? Disappointed? Did he want to punch him in the face? All of the above? But then, Felix started laughing. "Oh my god.. Chris hyung... you went that far...", He said between giggles. "For Y/N? So you could see her?"

"Felix, listen I...", He started, a bit confused and taken aback from Felix's reaction, but feeling more sorry than he could describe in words. "I know I promised to be okay with your decision, but I--"

"No, no, Chris, bro, stop", Felix said as his laughter stopped. And so did Chan's heartbeat, almost. "You know what? I'll be honest with you, I am pretty angry seeing you here...", He started. Chan wanted to apologise, again, but Felix continued before he could say anything. "BUT it also made me realize how much you really like Y/N and that you're willing to do some very weird stuff just to see her... So I think... uhhmm.. I think I'll maybe give you two a chance".

Chan couldn't express the happiness he felt at that moment. Oh my god, these were the words he wanted to hear the most (Okay, maybe they were in like 2nd place?). "Felix, bro, thank you", was all he could say.

"But I want you to know that if you hurt her in any way, I'll break you. Somehow. Because you're like super fit and strong and--", he was stopped by Chan's hug. "I promise I'll never do anything to hurt Y/N", he said with the biggest smile, almost choking the younger as he hugged him even closer. Finally, he got the chance he wanted. And he's not going to ruin it.

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You were NOT okay.

You told yourself for the 5th time today that it was normal. It's just a crush who didn't like you back (again), and not a heartbreak. And you tried telling yourself that a guy (that you only met once, by the way) is not worth being sad over.

In the past month you already finished reading 7 books, tried 20 workout routines you added to 'Watch Later' and never had the time or energy to get back to, learned baking 10 new types of cakes and cookies, did some drawings and paintings, and you even played a few video games with Felix (you now understood why he spent so much time doing that, because woah you were one competitive girl and as so, tried so hard winning, "Like, come on, I have to at least win ONCE", to which Felix replied with "I can lose on purpose if you--", "NO WAY").

But now, after coming back from the movies, you finally realized something was wrong. You did enjoy the movie, though. You laughed and you cried and you showed love towards some characters and hate towards others. It's just that you noticed how your heart started beating so fast when you heard that voice in the movies, saying "it's okay". This voice... Sounded so much like him. And it made you feel weird the whole movie. You kind of regretted not looking, and for letting your feeling of awkwardness take over. But what could you do? You didn't want to embarrass yourself by looking in the eye of the poor guy you stepped on.

"Y/N?", You heard Felix say from behind you. You turned, and saw his troubled eyes. "Can we talk?", He asked. You didn't know what it's going to be about, but whatever it is- it seemed to be very important.

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Hope you enjoyed!! (Pleaseee let me know what do you think) 💕💕

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maknaesdancersrappers · 4 years

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july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver.

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left.

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever.

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

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bluemoon-writer · 3 years

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TSI - Chapter 1 Notes

Here are my full notes and commentary for Chapter 1 of my Harry Potter fic 'The Snake Inside'.

Chapter 1 can be found here.

Throughout the chapter there are numbers in parentheses, these numbers correspond to the below notes. To best understand what I’m talking about in the notes I would recommend opening the story in a second tab and following along from there.

(notes begin under the cut)

1. This is, if you hadn’t noticed, lifted directly from the book, I do do this a couple times however, this is the only one that is italicized. I’m going to try and point out the other instances in chapter notes as well.

2. Another line lifted from the book, although here it has slightly different context

3. This was another line from the book, although again it has slightly different context (also I swear these notes aren’t just going to be me citing passages from the book)

4. I was actually really conflicted over this. Dudley is obviously incredibly spoiled so I figured it made sense that if for once Harry had something that he didn’t that he would throw a fit and demand he get the same. What I wasn’t confident about was how Petunia or Vernon would react as they really do love Dudley, shown by how much they spoil him. In this scenario, I decided that Petunia’s hatred of magic plus her fear of losing Dudley to magic (just like she lost her sister) would drive her to hit Dudley.

5. The first signs of Harry’s sneaky Slytherin side! He reads the room and chooses the best manner to approach the situation, something he would be good at considering he grew up in an abusive household. He would likely have gotten very good at reading moods and acting accordingly at a young age to avoid being hit or yelled at.

6. It might seem like Harry is a little quick to believe in Hogwarts and want to go considering he knows nothing about it. But, it’s an escape from the Dursleys and the terrible school they were going to send him to. Plus, it’s obvious that the Dursleys hate magic, so why would they lie to Harry about him being a wizard?

7. I know in canon Hogwarts is free, but that simply doesn’t make sense to me. In my world, Hogwarts is the best and most elite school in Britain, but it’s not the only one. There are also smaller ‘public’ wizarding schools that people who can’t afford Hogwarts go to. Also, if Hogwarts has a tuition then it only makes sense to me that the Potter Parents would set up an education fund for Harry, especially since their lives were at risk, they would want to make sure that Harry would be able to get the best education possible.

8. Some more Slytherin sneakiness, Harry isn’t a master manipulator by any means but he’s lived with the Dursleys for 11 years, he knows how to play them.

9. I don’t write it in bc it seemed unnecessary, but she does explain her reasoning off-screen.

10. Some foreshadowing here, I thought I was rather clever, finding a logical way for Harry and Vernon to learn how to enter the train platform.

11. This whole paragraph is my attempt at showing how Harry is still just a kid who’s curious about the new world he’s found himself in. I know I write Harry (and all the characters his age) as being a little more mature than they probably would be in reality, so here I was trying to show a pure, childlike curiosity and also some trains of thought that aren’t totally logical bc he is a kid.

12. I do think the Dursleys, or Vernon at least, is more clever than he gets credit for, he is high up in Grunnings, so he has to have some sort of head on his shoulders, and he’s certainly self-serving we saw in book 2 how he lathered up those rich people he wanted to impress. So, I think as much as Vernon might hate magic and think goblins are disgusting, that he would very much be able to put that aside if he thought it might benefit him.

13. The goblins ‘revealing the truth’ to Harry, or giving him or helping him out in some way is kinda over done and doesn’t always make sense as the goblins really have no reason so want to go out of their way to help Harry. But, I needed an unbiased 3rd party to teach Harry a little about the wizarding world and I figured a satisfactory motivation for the goblins would be making money in the form of consultation fees.

14. The first hints of Dumbledore’s manipulations. He wants a naïve Savior who will be easy for him to influence and shape into the person he thinks the world needs. Note, I’m not going for an evil Dumbledore, just a morally grey Dumbledore.

15. Paper business refers to the practice of owning a business on paper but not being involved in how it’s currently ran, I’m not trying to say that the Potters own several companies that sell paper. I don’t know if this is a common term, when I googled it nothing came up, but my dad uses it a lot when talking about businesses. Also, we know in canon that the Potters are rich but in a lot of fics it has evolved into them being extremely wealthy and influential. I’m running with this fanon idea because the Potters are a very old family, they’ve been around since the 12thcentury and married into other very influential families in canon. Also, if I ever get to the later years I do want to mess around with some politics and Harry having power from his family name will be a necessary advantage.

16. I’m not going to bore you guys with paragraphs detailing just how exceedingly rich Harry is, if he can’t even do anything with what he owns yet. He’s 11, he’s not going to be making any smart investments.

17. Like I said earlier with the tuition vault, the Potters were soldiers in a war, they knew they might die and I think it’s only logical that they would take precautions to ensure that Harry would have a comfortable life should they die.

18. This might seem like a lot, but again, the Potters are rich and they want their only child to be able to have a comfortable life even if they die, plus it is supposed to last until Harry’s an adult.

19. This is not canon, JKR said that a galleon is approx. 5 British pounds. I think that’s too low, so I changed it. I mean, it’s solid gold and the highest form of currency it’s got to be worth more than that.

20. Trying to give Dumbledore the benefit of the doubt, but of course Vernon is going to be suspicious of anyone who took money that he could have used.

21. This is just something that I thought made sense, Gringotts has been established as being in the business of making money and how can they do that if they’re cut off from part of their clientele?

22. I’m trying to go in a new direction with the Dursleys, I’m not trying to redeem them, but like Dumbledore, they’re in a grey area, especially Vernon. I think a self-serving Vernon would be interested in learning more about the magic world, or more specifically learning what it can do for him. But also because you need to know your enemy, as interested as he might be in profiting off magic, Vernon doesn’t trust wizards. As for Harry, this is a Slytherin AU, of course he’s going to play along with his uncle’s plan as long as it benefits him.

23. This is another line from the book

24. Hints that Dean is actually a halfblood and not muggleborn, this is canon too. I’m looking forward to exploring the future “tracking down who my real dad was arc”

25. Originally, I had Harry meet Hermione and her family, but I decided to change it to Dean because I wanted to go down some different avenues. A lot of Slytherin Harry stories have Harry becoming friends with Hermione early on despite their differences and I didn’t want to just do the same thing as everyone else. Also, I really like Dean Thomas’s character he’s a friendly, good natured, brave and loyal. I also think that Harry would get along better with Dean right off the bat than he would with Hermione.

26. Honestly, I think it’s ridiculous that they still use quills and I will be using the trope where Harry sneaks in ballpoint pens.

27. Harry came to Diagon a few days earlier than he did in canon, so I figure it only makes sense that he would meet someone different at Madam Malkins also this gave me a great opportunity to shoe in one of my other favorite characters, Neville.

28. I headcanon that Harry and Neville have a slight magical bond over both being possible options for the prophecy.

29. I admit this is slightly unrealistic, as I’ve dropped my glasses several times before and they’ve never broken but I wanted an excuse to get Harry some new glasses.

30. Not implausible, but also not likely either. Also, I admit I really have no clue about British healthcare, especially not what it was like in the 80s and 90s. I know it’s free, but that there’s also the option to do private or paid care. So, for this story, assume that the Dursleys use private care bc they want to seem better than everyone else.

31. Again, probably not the most realistic scenario, but it is possible. I got glasses when I was 11 and contacts when I was 15, but I definitely could have gotten the contacts when I was a little younger. Maybe not, 11-years old younger, but I don’t think it’s entirely out of the ballpark.

32. I didn’t see any point in changing Hedwig’s name, so I kept it the same.

33. Giving Harry contacts was something that I debated a lot, there’s no real reason he needs them, I just wanted him to have some because they’re convenient. I personally regret not getting contacts earlier.

34. To be honest, this is actually a bit of a cop out on my end because I haven’t figured out the entire political system yet. BUT even if I had, Harry is still 11 so he probably wouldn’t understand it that well anyways. There will be a brief explanation in chapter 2 though.

35. Dudley’s reaction is anything thing I was really torn up about. Because he’s essentially torn between his two parents, sticking with Petunia ostracizes him from Vernon and sticking with Vernon ostracizes him from Petunia. Ultimately, I decided Dudley would value his father’s attention more because while Petunia wouldn’t like him getting involved with magic, she wouldn’t cut Dudley off completely, she loves him too much. But Vernon, has been completely distracted by magic and without Dudley getting involved in it too then he won’t get any attention from his father.

36. According to the HP wiki, Dean’s family actually lives in London, but I wanted it to be more convenient for them to meet so I moved them closer to the Dursleys. Also, I actually did about an hour’s worth of research on google maps trying to find a real place Dean’s family to live.

37. A whole lot of this section with the Weasleys was lifted from the book with slightly different commentary from Harry. I originally had more, but it didn’t add anything so I cut it out.

38. I don’t know how outgoing Ron was before he met Harry, if I was him though I would be too nervous to intrude on a compartment with two other kids who looked like they were already friends.

39. This is not a Ron bashing fic, Harry has no reason to dislike him, so of course he wouldn’t be opposed to sitting with him. That said, for the premise of the story I couldn’t have them sit together because Ron is heavily biased against Slytherin.

40. Poor Draco, if he had just paid more attention to who he was passing in the hall then he would have met Harry, but again, I couldn’t let that happen because Draco’s so obnoxious that he’d turn Harry off Slytherin.

41. Honestly, I just wanted Harry to interact with more students who can be potential friends.

42. Again, and the sorting is lifted from the book. I’m not going to make note of every line.

43. I wasn’t sure if I wanted Neville to be in Hufflepuff of Gryffindor at first. A lot of people argue that Neville needed to be in Gryffindor to learn how to be brave, but I think that Hufflepuff would provide a strong support system that would help Neville gain confidence in himself. Also, I decided that Harry’s words in the robe shop would influence Neville into not thinking that he was a loser if he went to Hufflepuff. I imagine in canon, much like Harry was chanting “not slytherin” Neville was probably chanting “not Hufflepuff”. So I think it’s fitting they both don’t end up in Gryffindor in this fic. Also, Harry already has a Gryffindor friend in Dean, he can use a Hufflepuff friend.

#the snake inside #chapter notes #tsi

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hinabes · 5 years

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"Flames of Creation” event story summary

aka White Truffle’s event.

Won’t be translating this one fully anytime soon at least, bc I was going to work on somen’s event and I’m going on holiday lol

The gist of it is:

White Truffle runs(?) a science/research organization, Perigord(?), and is Waffle’s teacher.

They’re tasked to create weapons that use soul power like food souls’ but can be effectively used by humans.

Waffle goes to cafe satan to borrow a food soul’s gun, and successfully rents Black Tea’s.

A some point (it’s the 4th chapter, but I think it happens chronologically before the 1st chapter,) White Truffle receives a letter from Donut talking about how she’s grateful for the support of manpower and weapons and stuff. Pretty sure it happens chronologically before all of this at least. Idk I kinda skimmed through it all lol

Story snippets:

Bits and pieces I thought interesting enough to translate. Contains gratuitous rephrasing and multiple terrible jokes, but it’s the gist of what they’re talking about.

Part 1: Waffle and White Truffle talk about making soul powered weapons for humans. (Not to be confused with chapter 1, I think this spans multiple chapters)

Waffle: Humans have basically no soul power, right? Even master attendants, with their slightly higher amount, are unable to effectively wield a food soul's weapon and damage fallen angels, isn't that a conclusion that has been reached long ago?

White Truffle: So you want to back out of the project? Waffle: No no no wait! Teacher wait! Who said I’m backing out? I’m just worried there’s not enough funding! White Truffle: I’m funding this project, there’s no upper limit to the expenditure. Waffle: (mr krabs voice) I'll do it! Two months, psh, piece of cake!

Waffle: White arms or firearms? Does teacher have a preference? White Truffle: I personally prefer firearms.

//TIL cold weapons/white arms (as opposed to firearms) are weapons that don’t use combustion or “heat”. It comprises of blunt or edged melee weapons and bows/crossbows. In other words, this is White Truffle.

//Just for reference, Waffle also says she herself prefers white arms and “omg...clearly firearms are superior.......im going down wrong path.....”

Part 2: Waffle goes to cafe satan to borrow a gun. (Chapter 5)

Coffee doesn’t recognise that Waffle is a food soul at first glance, only when she took out her cube and told him.

//Of course, this isn’t that the story says word for word but I’m lazy. Just tryna convey the idea that food souls apparently can’t pick out other food souls by some sixth sense or whatever, or Coffee just sux

Waffle: (Phew...just as Compressed Biscuit said, it's alright for food souls to go on a walk-in-basis)

//Compressed biscuit also known as hardtack, which is actually a much better name that should probably be used. But compressed biscuit is also more literal and gets the idea across better. Idk I didn’t know what hardtack was before this. Is that a hashtag justsingaporeanthings or a hashtag imdumbass?

Coffee: Can I ask what you’ll be using a food soul's gun for? Waffle: Taking it apar- uh, I mean, experiments. Coffee: I think I just heard something really suspect. Black Tea walks in. Black Tea: Get me a glass of water. Also who’s the kid. Waffle: Hi oneechan can I look at your gun oneechan? Black Tea: Oh yea sure here you go. Coffee: WAIT

Waffle caresses the gun for a good half hour and rambles about “oooh these naturally formed carvings” “uwaah these runes”

//Again, not what it says word for word. I don’t think Waffle prefers white arms anymore, not after this LMAO

Part 3: White Truffle reads Donut’s letter. (Chapter 4)

Long time no see, White Truffle. I’ve almost forgotten when we’ve last met, hope you’re still just as lively.

Let me get back to the point.

The fortifications have been constructed with the help of the troops you employed. The relief supplies have been received as well. I am grateful for your help towards the Grace Army, towards me, in these crucial moments. May God be with you, though you do not seem to particularly like me saying that. The Grace Army upholds our beliefs and doctrines as always, may the heathens not trouble you in this time, but if they do, I can only apologise on behalf of them as former peers of mine.

Also, I wish to confirm with you the suggestion to research and develop weapons, do you accept? We’re in need of more means to combat the fallen angels, and I firmly believe that food souls aren’t the only way. Humans have potential strengths that we lack, and what we should do is assist them in manifesting it. You’re different from other food souls, White Truffle, and I believe that you’re the only one who can pull this off.

Finally, give your older sister my regards.

Your friend, Donut

//Translated her whole letter bc I crave the Donut content.

White Truffle sighed, the image of that girl appearing in her mind; the last thing she was left with from when she was sighted.

//Actually word for word translation this time! Her direct reaction after reading the letter. Also she’s blind if you haven’t noticed. She gets her dog, Cherub, to fetch the letter for her and reads it with some (probably text to speech) device that she places on the physical letter. Does that mean Donut doesn’t know she became blind, or knows she has the device? Or alternatively (tech is weird in Tierra) they just don’t have any other means of conveying a message.

Ending (Chapter 6)

Waffle somehow turns the gun (a recreation, modeled after Black Tea’s, it’s not her actual gun don’t worry) into a grenade, counts that as a success and laughs like mad scientist.

//Again, not word for word. But there’s a good 2 to 3 speech bubbles where she’s just HAHAHAHAHAH IT WORKED HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What we learned(?)

White Truffle is rich and is associated with a science organisation, Perigord, and may or may not be its founder and boss.

White Truffle is Waffle’s teacher.

White Truffle works with the Grace Army, possibly supporting them financially.

There’s a Hardtack food soul.

White Truffle has an older sister.

The above two may or may not be the same person(?)

Humans have no soul power and master attendants have a marginal amount, either due to being a MA or the reason they can be a MA.

Food souls have a use for money(?) (Waffle rented Black Tea’s gun with money if I forgot to mention)

Food souls (or just Coffee) can’t immediately tell if someone is a food soul.

Donut is good gorl

Coffee is the only sane member of cafe satan

#food fantasy #ff white truffle #ff waffle #ff donut #ff coffee #ff black tea

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generallynerdy · 5 years

Text

Our Little Secret Part 14/Finale (Merlin & Child!Reader, Mordred X Reader)

Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13

Summary: (Y/N) and Merlin have to come to terms with their little secret being revealed. Everyone else has to adjust to the fact that they’ve been lied to for years by the two people they trusted most.

Key: (Y/N) - your name

Warnings: eMoTiONs, mentions of injuries, mentions of near death, recovery, magic-phobia?, u can’t prove that it’s an author insert fuck u

Word Count: 4,236

Note: is it,,,is it over yet? am i free,,,? extra long final (except the epilogue) part bc i love u

“This is harder than I thought it would be,” (Y/N) muttered, legs hanging over the edge of the mountain.

“Really?” Beside her, Merlin snorted. “This isn’t even the worst it could be.”

She looked over at him with wide eyes. “What’s the worst it could be?”

“Uther could still be alive.”

“Touché.”

The pair rested in silence, watching the sun slowly crawl up the sky. Dawn had come a while ago, but they had yet to leave Camlann. Arthur wanted to scour the battlefield for their men, dead and wounded. They gathered all the dead and were giving them proper funerals or packing up their bodies to take back to family, if they had any. The wounded were taken care of by Gaius, but many of them didn’t survive.

(Y/N) had not entered the medic tent again, instead spending her time with Merlin and giving Arthur a few hours time before she dared show her face. It killed her to stay away from Mordred, but she felt it was best.

“I’m sorry for everything,” (Y/N) said suddenly, breaking the silence. “For not talking to you, for not listening to you, either.”

“No, you were right not to,” Merlin admitted, not looking away from the view in front of them. “I was being ridiculous. I was so worried about Mordred being the druid to kill Arthur that I didn’t consider that my decisions might push him to that.”

(Y/N)’s eyes widened. “It wasn’t your fault, Merlin. Morgana controlled him.”

“The only reason he didn’t choose it on his own was because of you,” Merlin said, finally turning to her. “If Arthur had made a decision against magic or someone doing magic, Mordred might have turned. You being here stopped him and I should’ve seen that.”

“So…” She grinned. “Are you sorry for being a clotpole?”

Merlin sighed and put an arm around her, drawing her into a hug. “I’m sorry for being a clotpole.”

It took (Y/N) a while to get the courage to go into the medic tent again. When she did, she saw Leon lingering by Mordred’s cot. Gwen and Arthur were nowhere in sight, nor was Gaius, but he was rather busy as it was.

She wandered over to the cot, pulling up a chair and sitting on the opposite side that Leon did. She didn’t meet his gaze at first, just taking Mordred’s hand and remaining silent.

“(Y/N)?” Leon started.

It took everything in her to ignore him, to look down at her hands and refuse to make eye contact. Though he couldn’t get her complete attention, she was still listening and he knew it.

“I don’t hate you.”

(Y/N)’s head shot up against her own intuition. She didn’t speak, eyebrows lowered and searching his face to see if he was lying.

“I don’t hate you,” he said again, a little louder. “I could never.”

He’d heard what she said to Gaius about being worried that everyone would hate her. What (Y/N) didn’t understand was how he didn’t hate her.

“I’ve been lying to you since I’ve known you,” she said. “How are you not upset?”

Leon sighed. “I’m...upset you didn’t feel like you could trust me with your little secret, but nothing else.”

“You--” (Y/N) tilted her head. “You don’t think magic is evil?”

“Druids saved my life, remember?” He smiled fondly. “Since then, I’ve known magic isn’t innately evil. And neither are you. You’re my friend, my sister. The most evil thing you’ve done to me is have Spot wake me up in the morning.”

(Y/N) laughed shakily, remembering it fondly. She did it a little too often, more than Leon would like, but it was entertaining.

“The others don’t hate you, either,” Leon said.

She shook her head. “You don’t know that.”

“I’m sure of it. If they really love and care about you, then this won’t change anything,” he told her. “It hasn’t for me.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, moving her hand from Mordred’s to his, making him smile.

There was a pause before he squeezed her hand and stood, letting go. “I’ll check on the others. Take care of him.”

“I will,” (Y/N) muttered as he left.

For a good while, (Y/N) was left alone. She dozed off a few times, trying to get much needed rest. Gaius dropped by and checked on her wounds, which were luckily minor. She never left Mordred’s side, constantly making sure he was alright. It took him a few hours, just as Merlin predicted, before he began to stir.

“(Y/N)?” He croaked out, opening his eyes slowly.

She snapped to attention and smiled, holding his hand. When he started to sit up, she stopped him. “Careful, careful. Merlin said you’d be sore.”

“Ow,” he muttered, but froze. He smiled slightly. “The spell worked.”

In his moment of awe, (Y/N) leaned forward and took him in her arms. She held him tightly and felt his arms wrap around her lovingly.

“I was terrified,” she whispered. “I thought I’d lost you.”

Mordred let her go for just a second, drawing closer to her face and caressing her cheek. “It was you that brought me back,” he muttered. “Seeing you broke the spell.”

“I love you, too,” she said, echoing some of his dying words. She kissed him softly, hand buried in his messy curls.

After that, they spoke in hushed tones. (Y/N) updated Mordred on what had happened. They held a brief moment of silence for Morgana, remembering the woman she had once been. She told him about what Leon said to her and he celebrated with her, but then the conversation was drawn to the topic of their magic.

“They all know about my little secret now, too,” Mordred muttered. “The rumours can’t have passed by them.”

(Y/N) took his hand. “We’ll be okay.”

“You really believe that?”

“We’ve been through so much worse, Mordred,” she said firmly.

He laughed a little. “Fair enough. I have almost died twice-- and that’s not counting my childhood.”

They shared a laugh that was interrupted by a dog’s yip. Spot raced in from out of nowhere, trying to jump on Mordred’s bed and smother him. (Y/N) reprimanded him and he soon calmed down, but neither of them knew where he came from.

Unbeknownst to them, Gwen and Gaius had kept him in the medic tent the whole time, keeping the loyal dog from harm.

There were many bridges to cross on the way home, but at least they had each other.

Back in Camelot, rumours flew left and right. The majority of the population was aware of Mordred’s presence in the city and were furious, confused as to why Arthur would harbour an enemy. He planned to speak on his behalf, but he wanted answers from Merlin and (Y/N) first.

Meanwhile, the animosity, or at least tension, between (Y/N) and the other knights did not go unnoticed. Merlin’s temporary absence from his master’s side was noticed, too, as was Mordred’s stay in the court physician’s quarters rather than his own in the knights’ quarters. The entire tightly knit group of Arthur’s closest friends seemed to be falling apart, for reasons unknown to everyone.

One day, (Y/N) was summoned to the throne room, though Mordred, Merlin, and Gaius were told to remain behind.

When she arrived there, after nonstop reassurances from the Merlin to the young knight, she found that it was not the council gathered, but instead her friends. Gwen and Arthur sat on their thrones, while the knights stood dutifully about the room. (Y/N) had a distinct feeling that this was not a purely social audience.

Arthur began to question her, as if she was a suspect in a crime. Leon shot her uncomfortable glances, wishing he could make it stop.

“How long has Merlin been teaching you?”

Merlin had already had a long discussion with Arthur, giving him practically his whole life story, from his father, to his mother, to his powers, to the dragon he freed from under Camelot. Arthur knew almost everything about him. Now, it was (Y/N)’s turn.

“Since a few years after I met you, my lord,” she said.

His expression showed no change. “Who knew about your...little secret?”

“Merlin, Gaius, Mordred-- ever since we were little.” She began to list them off, remembering each fondly. She paused, saying the next name too quietly for him to hear.

“Speak up.”

(Y/N) sighed. “Lancelot.”

Leon shot her a sympathetic glance and Gwen looked absolutely decimated by this fact. A few sombered, but the expressions were gone as quickly as they had appeared.

“Morgana knew, too,” (Y/N) muttered.

Arthur lowered his eyebrows. “You told her?”

“No, sire,” she stammered. “She, uh, had me followed and I didn’t realize. It was a while before Ismere-- just after we buried Lancelot.”

Suddenly, Arthur asked a question that left her dumbfounded.

“Have you ever used magic against someone? Or to get what you wanted?” He asked stiffly.

Her jaw dropped as she looked up at him, appalled that he could even ask her such a question. She glanced around at the others, as if asking whether they believed she could be capable of that, but most of them didn’t make eye contact. Elyan just looked away, perhaps ashamed at the question. Gwaine stared right through her, which was arguably more chilling. Percival was the only one to meet her eye. She couldn’t read him, though. (Y/N) didn’t know what he meant, looking at her like that.

“No, sir,” she said firmly, teeth clenched. “The worst I’ve done is defend myself.”

“And the second part?” He questioned further.

She paused. “One thing.” They all looked terrified, but she smiled. “I used my magic to help a little druid boy escape the castle, a long time ago. Morgana, Merlin, and my lady were there. You were, too.”

She spoke bravely and Arthur went silent after that, his eyes darkened with reminiscence. They had saved Mordred long ago, even though he was a druid. (Y/N) was trying to remind her king of this.

“I asked Merlin to take me as an apprentice the day I met him,” she said, taking her turn to give a speech. She was young, but she had so much to say. “I started a few years later and I-- I didn’t realise what I was getting myself into. I didn’t understand the secret I had to keep, the people I had to keep it from. I didn’t understand the consequences. But I did later. And I could’ve easily given up then, but I didn’t. My magic is part of who I am, it has been for a long time. Just because you know about it now doesn’t change me. But I am sorry, deeply sorry, that I’ve hurt you-- all of you.”

As (Y/N) was leaving the throne room, she did not see Leon go to follow her.

“Leon--” Elyan started, grabbing his arm to stop him.

The senior knight turned to him with a frown. He looked at all of them gathered, who were staring at him, waiting for his move. He scoffed a little and pulled away from Elyan’s grip, shaking his head at them.

“I can’t believe you,” he said to them as a friend, rather than a knight. “It’s (Y/N).”

With that said, he was met with silence. He shook his head again and rushed out of the throne room, catching up to (Y/N). He took her arm and they started toward god knows where.

As soon as he left, Percival took a second to think before following him. No one dared stop the giant, nor did they dare even try. He caught up to Leon and (Y/N). They didn’t make him say a thing, simply letting him join them. That was enough of an apology-- and a reassurance.

Later, when (Y/N) returned to check on Mordred, she was accompanied by Percival. Leon had to abandon them earlier for work purposes.

Entering Gaius’ chambers, they found Mordred asleep in his bed, but he was not alone. Sitting in a chair pulled up beside him was Queen Guinevere, who looked up as they walked in. (Y/N) froze up and turned to Percival, but wasn’t sure what to say.

“(Y/N),” Gwen said. “Can we talk?”

“Of course, my lady--” She began.

Gwen interrupted her with a shake of her head. “Just as friends,” she smiled.

Percival cleared his throat and nodded at both of them. “I’ll just--” he started, backing away from the room. “Goodnight.”

(Y/N) closed the door behind him as he left. When she and the queen were left alone, there was silence. The young knight crossed the room to Mordred’s bed, checking on him as he snored lightly. She couldn’t help smiling to herself at his peaceful slumber, but let the smile fall when she noticed Gwen staring.

Trying to avoid conversation, (Y/N) lifted her hand and began a spell, gesturing to the pitcher of water on the table. She stopped instantly when she saw Gwen’s eyes widen, the yellow glow in her own eyes fading.

She started to walk toward the pitcher, but Gwen spoke, stopping her.

“You shouldn’t have to hide it,” she said.

(Y/N) reeled. “What?”

“You don’t have to hide it now,” Gwen repeated. “Why avoid using it if there’s no consequence anymore?”

“I--” (Y/N) sighed. “I don’t know if Arthur would like that.”

The queen smiled. “Well, he’s not here now, is he?”

She was shaken by the queen’s easy going reply. Unsure, she lifted her hand again. She finished the enchantment this time and the pitcher went flying into her hand, spilling just a little bit of water. Two cups flew over from the table at her command as well and soon she was pouring the liquid into them. (Y/N) passed one to Gwen and kept one for herself, pulling up another chair beside her.

“Did you know?” (Y/N) asked her suddenly.

“About your little secret?” Gwen laughed. “No, of course not.”

The younger one tilted her head. “Then how are you so...unbothered by this?”

“I just think it explains a lot,” she admitted. “Besides, I’ve suspected Merlin for a long time.”

“You’re kidding,” (Y/N) gaped.

“He’s not exactly conspicuous,” Gwen laughed.

She shrugged with a fond smile. “Well, he’s kept it hidden for this long.”

“Fair enough.”

“What made you think he had magic? When were you really sure he was hiding something?” (Y/N) asked out of pure curiosity.

Gwen sighed. “You were so angry with him after Mordred came back with that spear injury, the one that almost killed him. I didn’t understand until I considered that he might have magic. You were upset because he wouldn’t heal him, weren’t you?”

“He refused,” (Y/N) confirmed, nodding solemnly. “I stopped talking to him after that.”

“I don’t blame you. If someone did the same to Arthur…” She trailed off, not even wanting to think about it.

It was beginning to get dark, so (Y/N) lit a few candles, requiring just a simple spell. Gwen almost awed at it, which made the young knight flustered. No one had ever taken this much of an interest in her magic, not since Lancelot.

“It really doesn’t bother you?”

“Absolutely not,” Gwen reassured her. “It explains so much and-- and it sounds silly, but I feel like I know you better now.”

(Y/N) could not help hugging her friend, burying her head in her shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispered. “It means so much to me.”

A soft knocking came from the door and both women turned their attention to a short figure entering the room. It was Elyan, who seemed to have been there for a good while. He had heard at least the last part of their conversation, which (Y/N) felt red in the face about. Gwen looked rather pleased with herself, though.

The queen stood and crossed the room, taking her brother’s wrist and dragging him back over to (Y/N). The young knight stood from her chair to meet them, remaining silently confused by whatever was happening.

“Tell her,” Gwen said firmly to her brother.

Elyan took a deep breath. “(Y/N), I--” He glanced at Gwen, who nodded. “I’m sorry I’ve been treating you terribly. To be honest, I was...not happy when I found out about your little secret. Magic killed our father and since then--”

“I understand,” (Y/N) said quickly.

“No, wait,” Elyan stammered. “Just because one sorcerer killed my father doesn’t mean every sorcerer will be just as bad and you certainly won’t. I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry.”

Before she could say a word, he hugged her tightly, almost cutting off her airflow. She laughed, telling him it was okay and hugging him back. Gwen stared on proudly at her work, as it had taken hours to convince her brother to speak to (Y/N). Though she still could not convince Arthur to work out these things, at least she could get Elyan to do so.

“I love both of you so much,” (Y/N) said softly, dragging Gwen into the hug. “You’re like the siblings I never had.”

As Arthur had yet to speak about the rumours going around that (Y/N) and Merlin were sorcerers, the former was loathe to go outside. However, when she heard that Gwaine had left the castle and run off without any sign of where he went, she knew she had to do something. She had a feeling she knew where he was-- and a feeling that he was waiting for her.

She found him in the clearing outside the city, just where she thought he would be. It was here the old Lancelot had been put the rest, because it was such a perfect place for him. It was here Gwaine had trained (Y/N), because she thought Lancelot being there would help her. It was here Morgana had discovered her little secret.

“Gwaine?” (Y/N) asked quietly.

He was standing above the stone, holding the hilt of his sword so firmly that it looked as if it might shatter like glass. “I knew I could never replace him,” he said without turning around. “I knew I could never be as perfect as he was. I knew I couldn’t be him.”

“Gwaine--” She tried to say.

“But to not tell me about this?” His voice betrayed him as he turned, eyes wet with tears. “To know that I was nothing compared to Gaius, to Merlin, to Lancelot, to Mordred? To find out I was nothing in your heart? Why, (Y/N)?”

“I couldn’t tell you,” she sobbed. Her heart was already broken at his words. “I wanted to-- I planned to after Ismere, but-- but--”

She took a deep breath, trying to shove away the memories. She didn’t want to remember Ismere, much less what Morgana had done to her there. However, she needed to tell Gwaine what had kept her from telling him everything. He had to know that he was just as important to her as the others, that she meant so much to him that she would rather have died than have him hate her for this.

“Morgana found out about my magic, like I said. But she knew I had to be taught by someone. She used you-- you and Percival against me,” (Y/N) said, shuddering as she did. “To find out who taught me. She needed to know who Emrys was, the one destined to destroy her-- that was Merlin. I almost told her. I would have told her, given time. After we got out, I knew I couldn’t tell any of you. If you knew about Merlin, who he was to Morgana, then she could have tortured you, pulled it from you and I-- I would’ve been to blame.”

“I wouldn’t have told her,” Gwaine hissed. “Do you trust me so little?”

(Y/N) leapt at him and wrapped him in her embrace. “I know you wouldn’t have. I just didn’t want her to have any reason to torture you like she did with me. I didn’t want you to get hurt.” She kissed his cheek, still shaking. “You mean so much to me. You’re not New Lancelot-- you haven’t been for a long time. You’re Gwaine.”

Arthur was the last one left.

Everyone else had approached, apologised, and asked more about (Y/N) and Merlin’s magic. In fact, many of them were rather curious about the whole thing. They were amazed by the range of bullshit the two could get up to with the assistance of their magic alone.

Meanwhile, the king refused to talk to either of them. He had shut himself off from the world, from everyone, even Gwen. She was scared for him and begged (Y/N) to step in. Perhaps she could appear unthreatening to him, unlike Merlin. Perhaps she could get through to the man.

She caught him alone in the throne room one morning, a place where he was cornered. He sat upon his throne and watched her with curious eyes. Then, he stood, leaning over the back of the chair and sighing.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He asked.

“I wanted to more than anything,” she said in almost a whisper. “But I was just a child. I was so scared. I was terrified of Uther, of Agravaine, of someone discovering me and-- and what you might do if you found out.”

She noticed his face flash in betrayal and sadness for a second, but it disappeared in an instant.

“I didn’t want you to have to decide between saving me or following the law. It wasn’t fair,” she muttered. “And I didn’t want--”

She stopped.

“Didn’t want what? To die?” He laughed coldly. “Can’t blame you there.”

“Every day of my life was a risk. I could’ve died any day, but I didn’t want to die at your hand.” She took a deep breath. “But more than anything, I-- Arthur, you have every reason to hate magic. You have every reason to hate it for what it’s done to you, for what people have done to you using it.”

It was true, every word that she spoke. Magic had killed Arthur’s family; corrupted them, tortured them. Arthur had every reason to despise magic and neither Merlin nor (Y/N) could deny that.

“I was terrified that hate would translate to me,” she admitted.

His eyes softened and he looked upon her with wonder. “You thought I would hate you? Why?”

“Because--” She scoffed. “Because I chose to practice something that had done such harm to you, to all of us. I just didn’t want you to hate me and-- and I still don’t.”

Suddenly, the king crossed the room. He paused, standing there in front of her. That little girl who had stood up to him about punishing Merlin unjustly was gone. She was a woman now, a powerful sorceress that Arthur owed for a great many things. Part of him was still upset, both at her and himself for the fact that she hadn’t told him, that she felt she couldn’t trust him enough to tell him about her magic. But the other part held nothing but love for her.

It was this part of him that took over when he hugged her, shocking her to the point where she froze.

“I don’t hate you,” he whispered. “I’m upset you didn’t tell me and I don’t know how long it will be before we can fully trust each other again, but I don’t-- and I will never-- hate you, (Y/N).”

The young knight sniffed heavily and hugged her king, who was more like her brother at this moment. She took in a deep breath and almost laughed out of relief.

“You’ll talk to Merlin, won’t you? Tell him the same thing?”

“I don’t know. I look at him and I want to punch his teeth out.”

“Call me crazy, Arthur, but that sounds about normal.”

Elsewhere…

A small hut in the woods was practically invisible to those who did not seek it out directly.

Inside this hut, a girl in a dark cloak pulled its hood over her face. She mixed herbs and vials together in a small bowl. It produced a blood red liquid, which she gathered in a tiny bottle, shaking it about. She turned to face a long wooden table that held a great weight on its ancient legs.

A dead man lied upon it, his dark hair and beard ratted. He was dressed in rugged peasants’ clothing, an outfit unfitting for a knight of his standing.

The witch-- ahem, sorceress-- took the bottle carefully and poured it into his mouth, forcing him to swallow it. After a moment of unresponsiveness, the dead man gasped into his lungs his second breath of first life. He looked around wildly, but was tied to the table as a precaution.

Meanwhile, the girl turned and smiled at him. “Alright, you handsome bastard. Up and at ‘em. I didn’t murder a man for nothing. Time to send you back to Camelot before my readers murder me.”

Merlin Tags: @pearlll09

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queenofthefaces · 5 years

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For character headcanons, Steven from SU?

1) sexuality hc: you know I’ve never really thought abt steven’s sexual/romantic identity, and I think it’s jus bc in terms of SU I focus a lot more on other characters with shipping, prob bc Steven and Connie is a ship I support and it’s essentially already canon, and I prefer shipping scenarios where I can explore a non-canon ship falling in love? I have very few ships where they’re already canon, even fewer where I engage in fan content w the ship if it’s canon :0

But with Steven, I think....well, maybe he’d be pan? I imagine Steven as someone who never really needed to think about his attraction, it just *was* and he just let it be/let it happen, so he wouldn’t necessarily label it hyper specifically if he labeled it at all. He’s attracted to he ends up being attracted to and doesn’t really think abt it. (Which is why I go w pan, bc for me at least a way to interpret pansexuality is jus like. Who are u attracted to? ¯\_(ツ)_/ whoever I’m attracted to)

2) otp: connverse!! The way those two are handled in the show is really wonderful ;;o;; I love how they’re close friends first, and the romantic stuff doesn’t feel like it stresses them out bc it’s smth they’re exploring together. Instead of having the pressure and fear of a crush on a friend, it’s this mutual, slowly blooming relationship of two ppl who care abt each other a lot and just want to be together in whatever way works for them

I can’t super see other ships w Steven, mostly bc his dynamic w other gems doesn’t really feel like they’re equals? Like I think I’ve seen Steven be shipped w peridot and spinel, and it feels like they’re unequal bc Steven was the one kind of....”fixing” them or he had the emotional upperhand, but with Connie they were both equals the entire time bc of how their relationship was founded (when they were both younger and just as lost/confused as each other)

(Plus I prefer those characters w other ppl lol)

And I also don’t think the show has enough development with Steven and someone like Peedee for me to think it’s believable as a ship, I just don’t know enough about peedee or his friendship with Steven, and considering how much I know abt Steven it again feels uneven—it feels odd to me for someone so uninvolved in steven’s journey to be the person I’d ship him with?

Though I can see the potential for an interesting ship in both cases, I just think connverse is the stronger contender bc of how well they were set up and developed :0

3) brotp: the relationship between Steven and amethyst developed really wonderfully and shows how much Steven has grown up ;;o;; in early seasons it felt like Steven was a little kid w a rambunctious sister who’s about a decade or two older than him—they goofed around but it wasn’t really a serious relationship between equals

And then as Steven grew older and developed further his relationship with all the gems matured—but his relationship with amethyst was recontextualized so that they’re both the underdogs together , and I love the concept that as Steven grew and learned to use his powers, he still looked to amethyst for guidance and support, which makes her feel important bc they can both support each other

Their friendship just means a lot to me ;;o;; 💕💕💕

4) notp: uh idk prob shipping Steven with garnet or pearl. With amethyst or some of the other gems (like the aforementioned spinel and peri) I can see someone having a dynamic of adult Steven + the gem and it being fine. It’s not my ship and I don’t really like shipping Steven with the gems but I can see it. But him with garnet or pearl feels really squicky to me, mostly bc those two felt much more parental in their relationship (esp with garnet) but also bc of their hangoups over home world/rose just would make a romantic relationship feel too messy for me. I personally hc garnet as aromantic, and I prefer pearl w amethyst bc I love a potential development between them where ame was someone pearl never idol worshipped and they could grow as equals

(Can u tell I love ships where the characters are equals/on the same level in terms of emotions or power? Yeah)

5) first hc I think of: hm, again this one is kinda tough bc I don’t really engage in su the same way I do other fandoms and I think it’s jus bc of how story driven it is? So, hm. It’s hard to come up with a hc that isn’t me speculating on smth that I want to come up in the future episodes or that’s already accepted canon; and I think a big reason is bc Steven has a specific identify related character arc that’s ongoing rn, if we didn’t have su future I could prob have an easier time w this but yanno

Anyways I think one hc I have is the idea that Stevens like, never been to a traditional schooling system, and he was mostly taught by Greg and Pearl. I like to imagine he wouldn’t ever really need a formal education and wouldn’t ever get one, but maybe in the future he’d get his GED online bc of legal stuff esp w his relationship to Connie (marriage, buying a home, children etc) like it would jus make things easier but I don’t think it’s necessary

Or hc that there’s weird parts of his biology he’s jus never thought of? Like he doesn’t particularly need to brush his teeth bc he’s never had a cavity and can’t actually get cavities? Or his wounds healing too quickly, esp internal injuries—like Steven who’s had internal bleeding that just goes away in five minutes w/o him noticing. And on that regard, Steven having a literally inhuman pain tolerance

6) one way I relate to this character: I don’t think I’ve really related to Steven on a personal level, except for maybe the idea of “the loved ones you looked up to aren’t perfect and your relationship with them can shift bc of that” HAJSKDKFLG

7) thing that gives me secondhand embarrassment abt him: uhhhh....,I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve really gotten secondhand embarrassment from Steven since early early seasons where he was really young and naive and a little dumb. Now I’m just.....wincing in sympathy for him bc he desperately needs to talk to someone. Boy needs therapy BADLY

8) cinnamon roll or problematic fave: he’s a PURE CINNAMON ROLL. As in, he’s definitely got flaws, of course, but I think in interacting w him it’s more along the lines of “he’s a good person with a lot of issues and flaws to work through eventually”

I think I take this question as like, how do I prefer to portray him? And how tough am I on him w characterization and stuff.

(Send me a character and I’ll fill out one of these hc questionnaires)

#creo talks #long post #steven universe #iamtypinglike98madmen

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lunebinnie · 6 years

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(1/11)Oh my gosh yesss I'm glad that you like long messages too because I talk way too much 😂 (And yeah about my friend and just hanging out w/ her more that's exactly what I was thinking 😂) It's actually kind of funny bc just yesterday I was hanging out at her house and her younger brother needed to go to Walmart and I was like 'I've been meaning to go to Walmart, I'll take you' and ofc since I have a bluetooth radio adapter the whole drive I had my Spotify going with some quality k-bops, lol

2)And as we were driving I noticed him kind of jamming and I was like 'Oh my god Mickey do you actually like this???' And he was Like 'yeah, these are some good bops 👍' I was shooketh. I had to go home before I had the chance to show him any music videos but he says he's open to watching some with me next time I see him. One way or another I'm going to turn someone in my social circle into a kpop fan you mark my words ☝ and then maybe we can team up and try to work on his sister some more 😂

3)I only started first getting into kpop last June so I'm still very new, but it's definitely super frustrating how so many ppl act like it's an inherently bad or cringey genre of music just bc it's kpop! The stigma is ridiculous! I also started out with BTS (lol) and since they're pretty popular in the US at least I was able to be like 'See, this isn't just a niche thing, lots of people know abt and like this group' but of course my dad still says 'Just cause it's popular doesn't make it good'

4)And I'm like? You're a band teacher, you of all people should understand that music doesn't have to be in your native language (or even have lyrics) in order for you to enjoy it, but go off I guess... It's the same with one of my college friends. They make fun of me for liking kpop but this is coming from some who still treats March 22nd (the day My Chemical Romance broke up) as a day of mourning. Like, no tea no shade no pink lemonade, MCR was a good band nothing wrong with liking them.

5)But like if you're 22 and you still haven't grown out of your emo phase do you really have room to pick on other people for their music taste? 🤷 Anyway that's the person who follows my main that I didn't want to know I had a kpop sb. I think I made it around July. Tbh it was pretty dead for most of 2018. But like I said I've started using it way more since I recently revealed that it exists, lol. Especially since that good good Astro cb 👏💗😩 But honestly Astro is such a blessing

6)Idk how I lived so long w/o them. When I first got into kpop I was planning on just sticking to BTS since the reaction to me being into kpop was so volatile. I was like 'I'm only into one group, ppl already are negative about me liking kpop so I'm just gonna stick to this and not become a full on multifandom fan' and then in Nov I accidentally let myself fall in love with Monsta X and that plan was foiled. And realizing I wasn't gonna be able to stick to just one anymore opened the floodgates

7)And I was like okay in that case, let's just start getting into *all groups* Lol. My story of getting into Astro was actually bc of my best friend's roommate (can you tell I have like one friend and my whole social circle kinda revolves around her? Lol) so this roommate when she heard me being sad about having no kpop friends was like 'oh hey, I'm kinda into kpop' and it turns out she didn't like very many groups and was one of the ppl who blah blah BTS is overrated, which ya know isn't ideal8)But I was just really desperate to have someone to talk about kpop with. And Astro was her favorite so I was like, okay I'll get into them so that I have something to talk about with her! So I started watching some videos and I fell in love with them pretty much instantly! And I was real excited bc #1 now I can talk about kpop with someone! And #2 this group is actually amazing? Bonus! ... And then they got in a big fight about their living conditions and the roommate ended up moving out RIP

9)So that didn't work out, lol (Your story about finding them during that internship sounds amazing though! Haha) But yeah, so this is my first cb too! And although I love them w/ my whole heart and would have loved to have them in my life even sooner what an amazing cb to be your first! The concept was wonderful, the album was excellent, the visuals were to *die* for. They worked so hard and I'm so proud of them and I'm so happy we got to see their work come to fruition and get them a win 🤧🤧

10)The dance practices though? You're so right omg 💗 Me and my Rocky bias *fully* understand 😂 All of them are such good dancers?? I never fail to be impressed. Of course you know who I always end up watching tho 👀 lol (̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶c̶k̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶t̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶.̶.̶.̶)̶ ̶ I also love how at the end they always pause all dramatic for a minute and then start screaming 😂

11)It's like? Amazing talent *and* dorky personalities? What more could you ask for? Lol. In regard to your last question though Unfortunately I also won't be able to see them 😔 I live in the smack middle of the US and since they're only going to coasts all of the venues are way too far away to get to. Esp since it's the school year and I can't skip class to drive cross country for a concert much as I'd like to (Holy lord I talked over twice as much?? Why am I like this?) Talk again soon! -ASA

Okay SO I’m very sorry I haven’t had the time to answer everything until now bc I’ve been busy studying for midterms and also I was a lil trashy today since my uni closed bc of freezing rain so I slept in but I’m glad that FINALLY everything got sent like damn tumblr you really don’t want us making friends huh.

Yessssss I love the feeling of seeing someone else also get into the same interests! I’ve been pretty lucky in the sense that I grew up around mostly other asian americans, so kpop was never something that was considered super “weird,” like some people were into it and some weren’t but even if you weren’t you still would’ve been familiar with the more popular groups from when you were younger. Even now, I have a bunch of friends also into kpop (one of them is even my roommate) so tbh I was definitely the one in my friend group late to the party aha. Even my university hosts kpop nights at our bar and I’m pretty sure we have a kpop dance team as well? So tbh if I met someone new there’s probably like a 50% chance they’re into kpop or at least listen casually.

Tbh I used to be a little bit judgy too but moreso because of the obscene amount of money I’ve seen some of my friends spend (no joke one of my friends has spent probably like $500+ on Loona stuff in the past month and a half and another friend bought like 5 copies of the same album for herself like damn idk how do you have that much money).

I also really don’t like it when people bash other people’s music tastes, since I feel like it’s something so personal? Idk but for a long time I used to be really self conscious about sharing my music with other people and even now I feel like that sometimes. For me after getting into BTS I kind of expected to get really into other groups since I was in Korea anyway and I was already listening to a lot of other artists casually. For me it started with NU’EST (fell for them immediately at the same concert that I saw Astro at) and then after was Astro, and then I just started slowly getting into other groups after that (even though I haven’t totally been able to get into Got7′s music they’re SO funny and I just kinda fell for their personalities you know).

I honestly think that they did such a wonderful job with this comeback too! I like seeing their concept evolve and mature but they’re not straying too far from their original cute concept so I feel like it’s a nice middle ground that’s very unique to them, you feel? Also I feel like the visuals especially and the execution of the whole plant concept was just done so well?? Even my friend who’s not in kpop was like “k idk who they are but that was the prettiest music video I’ve ever seen”. What are your favourite eras and songs? For me I’d have to say either the Spring Up or Baby era BUT right now my favourite song is probably Again/Should’ve Held On though tbh my mood and my tastes change like every few weeks loool.

I have no idea why I tend to be most attracted to the dances rather than vocals or rap (maybe has to do with the fact that it’s something I’ve always wished I could do but have always been bad at lmao). But Astro’s stood out to me for the exact same reason! I just thought it was so funny seeing them all break character at the end because you really get to see how hard their choreos are and you get a glimpse of their personalities like damn, how can you not stan these dummies?

That’s really unfortunate that you won’t get to see them either :/ They’re also coming to the closest city to me but it’s on a Tuesday, but I *hypothetically* looked up flight prices and tried to see if I could get away with just missing a day of classes if I flew back in the middle of the night since I have some friends who did the same thing and drove down to Buffalo but I seem to have underestimated the size of New York State LMAO. But apparently my university’s too far from the airport so it’s “not realistic” (and also I’m hella broke from travelling to Taiwan and Japan while I was in Korea but that’s a minor issue ig). I hope we do both get a chance to see them live though! Who knows, after the success of this comeback I’m expecting a lot more cbs and world tours out of them ;)

#asa #Anonymous

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gayneral · 6 years

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All those flowers, my dude

First of all thank you for asking, this will be longAlso as this took me almsot two weeks already I took the liberty of leaving some queastions out so I wouldn’t take even longerSince this was answered over a longer time span some questions that are aimed at certain days may be slightly outdated (ed what are u wearing today and such)

Alisons: Sexuality?I’m gay my dudes

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?He/Him, male

Amaryllis: Birthday?My Birthday is in June

Anemone: Favorite flower?This is gonna sound lame as fuck but I rly like roses, red ones in particular

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?I can’t choose but here are some favorites:

Peaky Blinders, I’ve watched this one so often,,, Cillian Murphy was what got me into it and I stayed for beautiful scenes and atmosphere and the gang drama

Gotham, Let’s be honest, the best thing abt dc are their villains (also suuuuper into Robin Lord Taylor as Oswald)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Office, i like these because they are easy, nice and satisfy my need to have something running in the background while I’m at home. (Also insanely sweet in the case of BB9)

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?One I still remember strongly is from two boys kissing “you should all live to meet your future selves”

Also many of the poems by keaton st james deeply resonate with me so check those out (most are religious-ish just in case that’s a no no for you)

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?I gotta be boring and say water

I like hot chocolate and a special kind of peach tea and some soda I drank in brazil but water,, yeah I drink that most,, love hydration

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Nope

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?I am, right now, at this very moment

Baneberries: Favorite song?I can’t give you an all time favorite so here’s a random favorite I currently like listening to: Sedated by Hozier

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.My family is not very big and actually hasn’t been a family for a very long time. Namely it’s my dad, my sister, my grandparents, my dads wife, her son, our dog and I. I have never experienced family in my youth so sometimes when I’m with them it’s all very odd. And sometimes it’s stressful. But it’s the first time I actually miss family when I’m alone at home, far away. I speak about my father and my grandparents further below but my sister is very sweet and I’m pretty protective of her, she and I get along a lot better now than before which is a common trait as ull see later.

We often take care of things, and are probably the most planning of the family. My dad’s wife is very good to talk to, having a very different perspective from my own and will always offer up advice. Her son is currently in pirperty and more interested in playing fortnite than anything which makes for some explosiveness at home. Our dog is cute and perfect that’s it.

Begonia: Favorite color?I like blue tones, but a dark, rusy kind of red is cool too

Bellflower: Favorite animal?Dogs Dogs Dogs. By far my favorite animal, they fill my heart with joy. Next up, Giraffes, funny big boys

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?Morning I think, I definitely work best early.

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?I actually never really had a dream job as a child. Not that I remember at least.

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?While I generally ain’t a big fan, like I’m someone very based on conversations so obviously that’s hard w kids. I am growing more to them. I’m far from wanting one but I think children are special in their.. Like innocence. They are beyond all the bitterness and hatred that we adults have. If only parents would be better lmao

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?I’m afraid of many things. Change for example. And failure. I think that might be because being perfect was important when I grew up and whatever I did it was never enough to my mother especially. Perhaps that has become so deep rooted that I tell myself I can not fail, which makes me very nervous and makes me worry too much.

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.I spend lots of time on building sites and in hardware stores because my grandparents have houses and my parents often would work there too.

Buttercup: Relationship Status?Single

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?God I don’t know, I think it’s probably when I’m with someone I care about and it’s easy and light and fun and I feel comfortable and they tell me that they like being around me, or that I made them happy with something.

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?Nope,wanted to have some but money and shit

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings? I have my ears pierced, but it’s the earlobes so the most basic thing

California Poppy: Height? I insist on 1,70 at least, I will not accept being under that.

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?In a way, yeah

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?My new boots, black pants, winter coat, black jacket, a blue button up and a lord of the rings shirt underneath. Obviously underwear

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?When I was a child for sure

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?A person from school, who’s also in fashion design, but a few years above me that I got to know bc of cosplay.

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?My Ex

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?God idk, I like oldish looking ones, elegant ‘n stuff

Columbine: Are you tired?Nah, actually not rn

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?Sam visiting me in March

Coneflower: Dream job?I’m not sure, definitely something w sewing but idk if I wanna go theater or my own things

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?Introvert

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?Yeh

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?Very very far

I’d say I’m pretty damn loyal and also give myself up easily even without noticing. If someone has my love and my loyalty they have my everything basically. Would I commit a terrible crime? I don’t know. Would I be real mean to someone or punch them? Yeah, if it’s reasonable w the situation I would (would it be affective? Not sure)

Give myself up? If we’re thinking real dramatic..maybe yeah

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?Gemini

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?Funny or stupid things? MaybeOtherwise honourable stuff, i don’t think so, i don’t view my actions like that.

I mean I survived, that’s pretty cool

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?Above mentioned survival. Which includes making it out of my mother and her boyfriends abusive grip and household. Moving away. Being true to myself. Dragging myself out of the hole I had fallen in for a while. Getting close w my dad and family. Believing more in myself and stopping things that are not good for me. Getting an apprenticeship that I like. Moving forward in life

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?If it’d be my dad I’d sit down with him and ask him why exactly. I have had a relationship before in which I did not see how badly I was treated/ that I basically searched someone like my mother. So I’d listen, perhaps to prevent from making the same mistake again. If it turns out it’s nothing reasonable I think I’d tell him that I will pursue the relationship anyway and ask him to respect that and be as nice as possible to my partner.

If it’d be my mother.. No surprise she doesn’t even like me and honestly I wouldn’t give a shit.

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?Did I say it? Not sure but written it in a letter, it was Sam

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?If my grades speak for themselves it’d be my apprenticeship, or like idk working hard about something I enjoy. I take this very seriously and give it everything I can. I’ve been told I’m good at talking, not sure if that’s true

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?I’m envious. It’s not that far that I am not happy for people, I think i generally have it under control but sometimes it gets the best of me and fills my stomach with nasty emotions.

Also saying stop. I do a lot for people, and I’ve been prone to letting people use and step on me for too long xnot standing up for myself

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?The past month was actually absolutely terrible so not much to find here.Uhm..the bad thing that happened got our family closerI spend Christmas and new years w my familyI got amazing gifts and letters from my friends

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?Stressful. I worked on my semester project and I feel like hardly anything worked

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?I’m moving towards a happy place. But I’m definitely doing a lot better already

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?Finish my apprenticeship, surgery, be able to make my own money so I don’t have to rely on my dad so much (he does enough for me already) and so I can get more distance between my mother and I

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?In no particular order

1. Dogs, god whenever I see a dog I’m happy because they are so cute and loyal,,,,,,,

2. probably everyone and their dog says this but my friends, honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without them. They helped me through terrible times in my life, are a constant source of love and joy to me.

3. my family. Since I didn’t have that for a long time I cherish it even more now that I do. It’s amazing to have a family that supports you behind you. I’m super grateful for everything they’ve done for me

4. the possibility to do the apprenticeship that I want to. it’s not always easy,,,I lack the money lmao but I’m so grateful that I can do this, because it makes me feel like I’m actually worth something in the working,adult world. I’m good at this

5. music. I listen to it so often, I can’t imagine not having music

6. sunshine, there’s something wonderful about going outside and feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, when it’s spring and winter has just gone by and you just have to smile because everything is bright and you’re surrounded by light

7. myself. Listen I dislike myself as much as the next guy but I’m working on appreciating myself and I am insanely proud of myself for coming as far as I have come. I don’t let myself feel it very often but having myself, it’s a good thing. I know my younger self would be very happy knowing that I did all those things for us.

8. something that makes me happy is creating, might it be art, or sewing or writing, anything really. It’s a pain in the ass and frustrating at times but I love looking at something knowing I did this, finishing it. And then looking back at it later and seeing how far I’ve come again

9. playing video games. It’s just fun to lose yourself in a story sometimes.

10. Christmas Markets. I don’t like Christmas itself. But I love the Markets, it’s the atmosphere of it. The food smells amazing and there are all those lights and there are kids with actual shining eyes because they see Christmas so magical and they are in awe by all the lights and honestly I feel the same awe sometimes when I’m on those Markets

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? Hardly anything lmao. Listening to music. Distracting myself with either talking to someone or playing/watching something. Tho that often makes me feel guilty on the long run. What helps if stress is overwhelming me is writing down what it is that is stressing, like making a list and trying to untangle the mess, looking at what I have to do one by one

Hellebore: How do you show affection?Since I’m A big fan of honesty I usually just say it. I like to tell people when I get some emotion. Like just telling them that I appreciate them. I think it’s nice to just be told that sometimes. Besides that I do things, like I’ll send anon messages or offer help just assisting somehow. Like not always outright having them know it’s me,like affection from afar. And well I’m helpful when I care abt someone especially, like “I can do this for you”

And being super openIt’s not alway clever as experience has shown but to me offering up things about myself means trust means affection in a way. Like giving a part of myself to someone. lmao

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?Making it to this point, I wasn’t in a very good state just a bit ago. But with the help of my friends and family I made it out of it. I have an apprenticeship I enjoy, I have my own flat, I have something to stand up for again. I can appreciate myself some more. I was able to see toxic relationships i was in and get away from them and not let myself be guilted but seeing them for what they are and acknowledging that while I am not a saint it doesn’t mean that I have to accept any treatment. I stood up to my mother, even if just a bit that was a huge step for me.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?I barely had any of it recently so I can very much put what I want to do. Which would be drawing. I haven’t done that properly in so long and I miss it. Like both sketching stuff on paper but mostly full pictures, sketching, lining and colouring somethin. Having a full art piece at the end. Also Play Games. And talk to my friends. Haven’t had a nice hour long convo with Nina or Charlotte or Sam in ages and I hate that.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?That’d be Charlotte and Nina

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?I would hide away in my room and imagine. Invent stories, characters, anything to distract me from how unhappy I was. I would act them out in my head when I laid in bed so I could sleep.

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?I did not treat someone that I care about very well a few years ago, I didn’t give them the honesty they deserve. I was an asshole. Even if we spoke about it, I still feel very bad about it.

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?Indulging. When I have things to do but take a break I always feel super guilty for not doing anything.

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?It seems it comes from the Roman name Julianus, and was the name of a pangan Roman Emperor as well as a name of saints. Sometimes meaning youthful which fits because I look like a baby

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.I grew up in a big city in Germany. Very busy City with high buildings and no time. I lived in a flat when I was very young, a room with big windows where I’d sit and look out ot. Then we moved into the house my dad still lives in. Where houses were built in rows and more people knew each other, I’d walk home and pretend to not see them as to not have to speak to them.

Then I moved in a beautiful flat in a more busy part of the city, with a bookstore in the same building and a supermarket right down the street. My hometown is best described in the colour grey. I dont think it very pretty if I’m honest.Still its full of memories and not half as bad

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?Talking about the one in the house. Light peach coloured walls. Small but with big windows to look out of. An old wooden bed in front of one Window, and even older Closet next to the door, already so old that it had been ancient when my dad had been young. A desk in one corner at the other side of the room, above it shelves filled with books, little trinkets on the windowsills. Cabinets filled with paper full of secrets. Posters on the Walls and a round mirror that I hated looking into when I was young.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years? God no. I have repressed most of my younger years. My teenage years were filled with confusion and self doubt. I was a mess, I hated myself, not knowing who I was. And then knowing but being shamed for it, hiding away and keeping my head low to survive. Pushing myself to the limits and clinging to the thought that I could escape at age 18

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.My Mother and I are not on good terms. I’ve spend countless of years desperately attempting to please her, hoping for love or anything close to it. I was constantly let down by her. My mother is someone that I fear I’ll never understand, adapting to the men that she is with. Claiming to have reached compassion and selflessness while being the opposite. Acts childish and has never accepted or supported me. Now attempts to lure in my sister whom I fear for as she’s always wanted my mother to love her. I have estranged from her very much and currently I am happy seeing her as less as possible.

Onions: Tell about your dad. I remember my father as a very autocratic person in my youth. He’d always work and would only be home to cast judgement. We did not get along well, and my mother, like grima wormtongue, had influenced me further into seeing him as a terrible person. Now I see him very differently. In fact I am similar to my father. Hard working, well spoken and crafty. We share a similar humor and I am very thankful for his support over the last year. To me my father is a very good example of how sometimes people can actually change, sometimes second chances will not disappoint you. My father cares very much about our family and I am happy to have gotten close to him again.

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.I won’t lose many words about my mother’s parents as there isn’t much to say about them.My mothers father was always sick, more often because he believed he was. The years before he died it had only gotten worse. My Grandmother was never really happy in that relationship, something I believe she handed down to my mother.

My fathers parentsWell, when I was young it was difficult, they aren’t exactly children people, despite trying. I especially had my difficulties with my grandmother, who was work above everything and wanted everything to be perfect.I remember her always fixing my clothing. Countless of instances of her and my dad arguing.

When I got older we had barely any contract until I had my coming out to my dad, who told my grandparents. Much to my surprise and I still respect that so much, they were immediately supportive and accepting, perhaps even more than anyone else from my family.

In the last year we grew closer. They helped me with my flat and would come over to set up a few things. I took them to a restaurant that my grandfather would always talk about whenever we talked, happily.

My grandmother and I had phone calls at least once a week, she was also the most interested in my apprenticeship, always curious, sending me old magazines and ideas she had. As well as button ups and shirts she had bought for me or old ones from my grandfather.She offered me support when we talked, told me they’d do anything they could

When my sister and I were getting clothing for my grandpa, as he was saying with us, I found a book on my grandmother’s bedside table.It was an educational oneIn it was also an article she had cut out of a newspaper, the title saying how the support of the family is the most important thing to lgbt children.

I miss my grandmother

Peony: What was your first job?I worked a summer at my mothers workplace. Cleaning watches and watch straps, replacing small things on the straps

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?We met 2014 on a cosplay convention in the city I grew up in. We met on the first day of that, where we all hung out in a group and then he and Charlotte spend the next day w us as well.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?I bottle it up, focus on something that keeps me busy. Sometimes other people’s pain or doing things for them. Distraction from thoughts really. I’m best when I’m busy

Pink: Where is home?If you’d asked me a couple of months ago my answer would’ve been easy and quick. But now phew, I mean I call my place home as in “I’m going home” and I call my dads place home as in “I was home over the holidays”

But I’m not sure, not really

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?I could go endlessly both about important historical events and tragedies as well as personal mishaps and bad choices. But eventually I actually think this is too big of a question to answer like this. I’m generally better in speech than word when it comes to things like that

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.Steady. As in a job that I like, that provides me with enough money to survive well. Not to worry about everything. Having Dogs, as that I something I always wanted. Living somewhere in the city (always dreamed of a Fachwerk House but yeah…), with the possibility to visit my friends that I am in good contact in. Living with love and happiness. With a connection to my family still as good as now. Perhaps with someone,,,

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?I love the sound of paper, like books, pages turning, things like that. Also soft rain

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?I’m a Class A represser. So it’d probably be many things centered abt my mother.

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want? I want my semester presentation to go well tomorrow. That’s all I care abt rn

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things? It used to be harder in the past but I’ve gotten slightly better at it. I’m still struggling with feeling but it’s a work in progress.

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?My Friends and Family, cheesy I know but over the last year I’ve become more set in that. Once more I noticed how much strength those can give you. And also noticed how important they are to me by the way things that happen hurt me

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?7 hours, couldn’t fall asleep at first but that’s usually my minimum of sleep

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?School. I have a timed, strict schedule thanks to that and it forces me to get up until a certain time in the morning. That helps a lot actually

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?I’m still in an apprenticeship but I enjoy it a lot

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?I have a new pair of shoes that are so beautiful I wish I had the look and body and style to wear them day to day. Also got some cool button ups

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.Look at this and you’ll see first hand https://www.pinterest.de/Gayneral/

I’m sorry I’m bad at desctibing my aesthetic. It’s like, historical stuff, museums, snowey Fachwerk, religious themed things, bee themed things, watches…

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?My semester project is due to two and a half weeks and I’m super nervous about finishing it like boooooy

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?Sadly I’ve been super busy recently so I’ve only been able to read a tiny bit in my holidays, Acht Nacht by Sebastian Fitzek

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?Still in school, doing good, and enjoying it

Still having a good relationship w my father, my sister and that whole family

Still good with my friends, hopefully seeing them more often

(maybe in a relationship pls don’t @ me)

Generally happy, not having to worry too much

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?Thanks to tumblr I do, and I hate it

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.I take my school very seriously. And I have zero tolerance for those in our school that don’t.

#you wanted to know #ninjago #answered ask #ask game #ask meme #pers: negative #redbluemaiden #long post

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