#and itll be exhausting but i think ill like it when im done

[honeybyte]

kiss me on the mouth, set me free // but please don't bite

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[4r0rua]

Im done trying to be healthy, im more unhappy with myself than when i was at my starting weight. I lost so much progress from trying to eat normal, its made my binging worse. I was so happy and productive when i was sick. Where i live its hot as fuck year round and being cold all the time or just neutral was the beat feeling. Lying to everyone again is gonna suck but its what i need to do to be happy and move further in my life. Because i was dumb and decided to be open with my boyfriend about my ED he knows what lies id use to cover it. I need to think of new ones. I have a gym membership so i could just put up a front. I could a few times a week post on my snap some “healthy snacks” and once in a while an actual healthy meal. I need to go to the gym more but i work 40 hours a week and it exhausts me, i only have 2 days off a week and they’re spaced out so they dont actually feel like days off at this point.. it is good tho because im making decent money and i spend most of my days moving around and physically unable to eat till my breaks. If i cant do the healthy new lifestyle front ill just have to pretend like my body hates me or smthn, like i can say i switched my birth control and its making me lose weight?? Or i developed whatever disease thingie my friend got that made her drop a bunch of weight. Idk i dont wanna lie about a disease or anything cuz ik more than one person who suffers from said disease, so itll just have to be a last resort i guess. Ill try to update daily on how my healthy lifestyle front is going. My birthday party is a little over two weeks away and i need to be atleast decent looking.

Im exhausted but ill try to post daily to keep myself on track

[sereniv]

i managed to talk myself into picking some stuff up

conversation went similar to this (not all exact wording but the jist) in case its helpful to anyone especially if you have executive dysfunction or anxiety or depression and have a hard time getting things done. rebloggable if helpful

"just get up and pick some things up"

"but theres so much and itll make me exhausted"

"just throw away only trash thats easy to home in on theres not much to figure out with cough drop wrappers"

"but ill get tired im tired thinking about it. how do i even start?"

"first look at the area you want to pick up. do it right now. normalize it take your time looking at each item"

"im atarting to get overwhelmed and a headache i cant manage that rn. im going to get too tired"

"are you tired enough to sleep?"

"no"

"are you tired enough to get up to go to the bathroom?"

"no"

"pretend like you have to go to the bathroom. and bring the toilet paper in. thats all you have to do. on your way in"

"how do i get up?"

"breathe. move your fingers. move your toes. move until you get used to the idea of moving. roll a little, or rock. hum in your chest its too quite for us. its too stagnant"

eventually i was able to losen myself up and sit in bed. i kept reminding myself that i just have to do one thing and that can be on the way to do something i always do which is go to the bathroom

"get up and go to the bathroom

get up and go to the bathroom and stop stop, get the toilet paper. grab it. pull it with you"

i reminded myself that the moment i felt too tired exhausted fatigued i could drop it all and lay back down.

but i gave my self a condition. That if i cant bring in the toilet paper then i dont get to go to the bathroom. (i didnt have a urgent need to go)

I told myself i could also pick up one wrapper or one tissue and throw it away. or if i had a problem bending down i could close some drawers

i reminded myself that even the smallest thing once in a while adds up. if i picked up one tissue a day. every other day. 1 tissue a week, eventually my room will be cleaner

i kept bringing my attention back. because i would get overwhelmed. But i told myself to ignore everything block everything out except one item like a cough drop wrapper

and this was before i got up. once i got up i stood. i told myself to take a deep breath and that if i wanted to sit back down i could

but i was up, and i reminded myself that ive checked off one thing off the list. if i sit back down its ok, because i got myself up.

i reminded myself my room has been a mess for months. and that whats another month of it being messy, except now that month will be filled with constant attempts and praise of those attempts

and at the end of the month if i picked up one wrapper that can still be considered a success especially compared to previous months where i didnt make any attempts

so i got up and i stood there. i told myself to move my fingers and my toes and my neck and my arms

normalize body movements while standing up, especially when its quiet it can make me feel stagnant and its hard to have controlled movements (as in not just routine like going to the bathroom)

standing up felt like i could actually do something. it felt different from laying down, laying down was too comfortable and made me not want to get up

but now i was up and i loosened my muscles enough.

"how are you feeling?"

"ok but its so tempting to lay back down again but i want to get something done i feel bad"

"its okay to lay back down you know that right?"

"but i feel bad for not doing something"

"getting up is doing something"

"im going to attempt to take the toilet paper"

and once i started moving it kind of set into place and i was able to pick up a few things, more than i expected.

because being overwhelmed or feeling bad about not being able to do something makes you forget how easy something is or how not scary or bad it is

so i ended up not needing to keep talking myself up, and was able to put the toilet paper away

i also had conversation about my clothes:

"i want to move my bed but i cant because theres dirty clothes on the floor and a box i have to get rid of and a basket of clothes that are clean that i have to go through what do i do? how do i do all that? its so much. where do i put my dirty clothes"

"put the clothes in the box. you dont know where to put the box yet, so dump all the clothes you find even clean ones in the box. its ok to wash ones that are clean. the box can then go in the corner, and you deal with that later"

so put the clothes in the box. and moved it to the corner. immediately i see more clear space and socks scattered. i reminded myself to focus on the dirty clothes which were easy to home in on. and the scarf and anything else considered clothing even stuff i knew i hadnt worn (clean).

seeing the carpet less cluttered made my brain calm down. it made it easier

and i didnt do more, even though i felt like i could

keep your energy. keep doing it this way. you did a little, and i know you can do more. but you dont need to take this opportunity. you dont need to rush. you dont need to go until youre worn out. you are allowed to do the bare minimum and you are allowed to not do your best. because sometimes doing your best saps your energy ao you only can do your best a few times. if you do your least, you can do your least more.

So yeah ive been trying to break things down, and go through the repetitive nature of anxiety and executive dysfunction. its a baby. it cant figure these things out and its like going around in circles

but you repeat yourself and are kind and remind yourself that even moving a finger can be enough for now, and eventually that like 10 minute or more conversation can normalize these things

can break through the problem. treat your anxiety and your depression and your executive dysfunction and overwhelmeness like a little kid. whos scared, whose confused. who needs to have things repeated. who needs reasurence and praise. be patient

i feel good. i picked up some trash and put toilet paper away and dumped clothes into a box. i went farther then i expected. and i stopped even though i could do more and im glad i stopped.

your conversations might take longer half hour. an hour. but it has to be encouraging. not rushing. explain to yourself. ask yourself questions.

how are you feeling? why? break it down for yourself like a child. you deserve patience and kindness. you deserve to have your hand held and to be praised by you.

[chirpsloth]

its been like 17 minutes since i told myself id do homework i need to do it but i just spent all that time reading through all my tumblr post...

god i hate myself

not bc of the homework thing ill get it done but because of just reading the posts

not really i dont think

i just hate myself

but not actually

just a little

maybe i feel bad for myself...

no self pity is lame

god do i hate myself?

when i read the posts i know edxactly what ii was refering to at the time... but i dont think i make my psots easy to decipher all the time

like when i saw the posts that said "im so nervous" and "nervous nancy" followed by the psot a few hours later saying wtf why do i actully have rizz" and then "wtf is wrong with me" im like: oh my god!! i know why i was posting that at the time!! like wowowowow thats how i was feeling thats wild!

i really do feel for myself.. why am i this way???? everyone probably pities themself sometimes.

idk i didnt deserve that... and i shouldnt do that.. wouldnt trade it for anything though. i wont stop though

im not evil im just human

im just learning

im scared for when i reach the age where i cant say that anymore...

is everything gonna be okay?

everything IS okay. i get GREAT grades, i have a good home life, i have 2 close friends, i get to walk and listen to music all the time...

i think that part of it is jealousy but theres always a wishing to get worse you know?

i don't think i'll ever be fejwlfjew but i think thats okay... im happy. i think. edcept for when i think about things too much

i pity myself

i guess i pray to the future me. you know? i wonder if i typed all my old posts knowing that the future me would read them and be like a therapist from another time...telling msyelf not to worry. i think i just did it because i need to say things and i dont have anyone that i call spew all my dumb stuff to without annoying them or making them think im mentally ill which i am not.

plus i need a place to be self centered. i guess this is that... some place hwere i only talk about me. im okay with no one listening irl because i dont want to portray myself as insane. there are some things that can only be written too. i wouldnt want to talk to my therapist about a lot of things because i dont want him thinking im insane. i know thats a therapists job but im saying like theres stuff that i really shouldnt say.. scared maybe. i wanna educate myself on law or soemhitng so i know what my therapist can tell my mother or can get me admitted for.

do i even want help? i seriously dont think so. the better i get the worse i want to get. right now im in a good middle ground. im happy, i dont cause conflict in the house too much, im not exhausting myself, i get things done, life is pretty okay. sometimes i will participate in some efwljfkwel activities though. maybe thats just my way to cope. its not harming anyone,, and i really dont believe its harming the present me too much.

maybe itll harm the future me like how my past decisions currently hurt me. not out of regret but out of pity. it just hurts that i did that... you know?

i really should do my homework but i have time (Not really)

im thinking of doing the bare minimum rn and waking up extra early to finish everytihng up. probably what i wanna do.

i know its only been a week of school since the weekend (weird way to phrase it??) but i need a break. im fine with school its not tiring or anything but god i need a break from life. not like life life but i mean hanging out with people, having things i need to do, etc. i need a week where im all alone. i love my friends but god i need alone time. i always feel so guilty when i dont hang out with them though because i dont wanna be lonely or lose friendships so i find myself hanging out with my friends mainly to "maintain friendships". i love them so much but please i need time.

this post is making me sound so mentally unwell but im doing so fine i promise (who am i promising?)

god

why is my heart rate so fast

lemme count it rq

okay its actually pretty normal its 80-ish bpm but it feels fast

i feel so shaky

i wonder if its the sugar i had earlier... i know some foods or larger amounts of fodos always make my heart feel fast and make me shaky but i havent really discovered what foods those are.

im always so nervous posting on here because what if i say something that makes this all tracable to me. i dont wanna lose opportunities beause of some dumb tumblr posts.

i know i should use like my journal or something but its comforting knowing that this can be viewed by someone for some reason. i mean id be mortified if someone told me they read all my posts but idk. maybe also its nice because i can always lose a physical notebook or lose the passord to my google docs but tumblr is public and i can always look at this tomfoolery from another account. plus this feels less formal. in my actual physical journal im very messy and i get sucked in when i write but its so messy its unreadable, it cramps my hand, and sometimes feels inconvenient. on my actual online journal i established it as something more formal... for life and mental updates for myself. im scared

i dont know why but im so scared

im so so so scared

god why did i just feel like i was about to cry

i want to curl up and cry so loudly in my moms lap while she tells me its okay but i cant i cant i cant. if i did she would think im mentally unwell which im not and id be such an inconvience to her.

last time i cried in her arms she told me that i gotta "say everything" to my therapist and that he can help me. help me with what?? she said that i deserve someone good that can help me? i told her that im normal.. she told me that she didnt want a normal daughter she wanted a happy daughter. i am happy. i just repeated that im normal because i know she sees me as different in some way. i see her as different in soem way too. i think i'd see my sister different than everyone else if i didn't judge her so much. i feel so insensitive but i always invalidate my sisters issues/struggles because i feel like i had it worse and that she has it so well. i konw its so bad and i need to remind myself that... she is a human being, she will struggle, and i should be happy that what i was so used to makes her suffer... im glad she's not used to badness like i was. that makes me sound so emo but you know. i just invalidate her so much.

anways. i think that seeing someone so closely..knowing them almost better than you know yourself will make you see them as less normal. or something. i dont know. i know my mom sees me as different. i doubt she sees my sister as so different than society. maybe its because im socially a little odd. she thinks i try to push people away/unsettle them. i dont. im just awkward around a lot of people. i like telling myself that im not everyones cup of tea. maybe thats just a way to excuse my social stupidity. my best freind always asks me how can i find myself socially stupid if im friends with like everyone. maybe shes right, but i dont think os. im not friends with anyone. weve just been conditioned to be nice to everyone and people are nice to me. yes people trust me, yes i have inside jokes/ get alogn with a lot of people... but do you seriously think i hang out with them outside of school? we use the word freind too loosely. if i never text someone, we only talk in school, and never hang out outside of school... no matter how much we know about each other, no matter if we've seen each other cry, no matter how long we've been "friends," we are NOT friends and thats okay. i try to be agreeable. people think im funny at least.

i need my mom to hug me and let me cry into her arms but i dont want her judging me or worrying about me i just need my mom. god im about to cry. why do i make myself feel this way? this was just supposed to be a post about not doing my homework.. now im writing like a multiparagraph essay. i need to say things. i guess i need to organize my thoughts. speak to the void.

you know i think i write in this because i know that future me will read it... emaning that future me will be alive. meanign that i'll be alive in the future. meaning that everything will be okay. if future me is alive, it means she overcame things, and shes now smarter, and as she's reading these paragraphs, she remembers how she used to feel, and pities her old self once again. and then maybe writes more to the future future me. and the cycle continues. until im dead i guess. maybe someone else.. a child? will work as a future future future x1000 me.. i doubt it. i dont think someone will ever care about me as a person so much as to read everyting ive thought. im currently pretty much just writing my thougts. nothing is organized. im just rambling. i would film a video but i dont have space in my camera roll, and even if i did, i would never want a video of myself saying stuff. some things are better kept written. anwyays. hello future me. and the future me after that. etc. i wonder if im laughing at this in the future. probably... in some time in the future. i bet ill laugh while also pitying my current self. self pity is so lame.

speaking of children. honestly.

door is opening. my moms home. ive been writing for like an hour. homework for tomorrow i guess. ill maintain a convorsation with her while i write. actually maybe ill close my laptop and return to this later. i mean i could use the excuse that this is homework...

[teddy-feathers]

okay finally found a mine and am collecting supplies. yaaaay.

tomorrows irl goals are to clean my room and bath room, do my laundry, clean the kitchen(?) take the boxes and trash out of my friend's room, possibly do my finances. might not though because i am nothing if not a coward and i may just check to see how much i have in savings to give the wedding couple a cash gift. oh and pack thats important. and get a shower before bed.

in other news ive just borrowed like so many books on libby - including audio books - on how to learn Japanese because flights a long and boring and my friend wamts to learn the language so i wanted to learn it with her or something.

i dont know what else. i both find it hard to sleep and im exhausted so its hard to think.

we're flying out of denver which is :( and also means we've got to add like 2 hours in addition to the whole gptta be there 2 hours before your flight thing.

this is going to be a hell of a trip. like. we gotta leave no later than 10 am to get to the airport. it doesnt arrive until 640ish(which accounts for the time change). they want to have dinner at like 11 which???? is the restaurant going to be open (x) doubt. ive got to get introduced to an angry dog. we're sleeping in the same room/bed which im a light sleeper and she HAS to have videos playing to sleep. then comes the wedding/ reception on saturday and then we basically go from there to the airport because the flight leaves at 5am and arrives back at 645 (again accounting for the time change) and then depending on how we feel -and even if we feel like shit we'll probably have to - we go to the store and buy lunches for the week because eating is important and we have no time to cook really.

like idk man. knowing this i should be stocking up on sleep but im finding it hard which sucks because ill no doubt wake up when my friend does. shes going to work whereas i took off because its a family day and fuck working on a family day. either i get to work two hours and go home or they give me make work to stretch out my damn day which bothers me cause id rather be home getting something productive done. which ive already made a list of things to do so. my friend doesnt habe that choice. shes in training for a new job and just taking friday off is worrisome so shea trying not to take monday off too... but idk she might have to. i took monday off but i knew im going to be wrecked because of the lack of sleep im going to get on this trip. like for me its take day off or drive off side of mountain on accident.

also with my luck ill start bleeding so ive got to be prepared for that

and of course im going to be wearing mens clothes to the wedding because no one said i have to wear a dress so... so. i have concerns that ill get shit over it. or that itll get back home. or or or or ya know?

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 98

[Date: 19/03, 06:01 AM GMT - 19/03, 06:50 AM GMT]

[CW for unethical floral experimentation, injury mention]

kateza affectionate: “mona, don't be so hard on yourself, ok?”

Maxwell: “....i....think we should tell her about the other stuff

mona”

Little-K1ng: “............theres more????”

Marcus: “.........heh”

Little-K1ng: “uh. heh?”

Maxwell: “I saw syds observation post from yesterday...it had a scrrenshot of something I said, and jack and them told me thats what you didnt want me seeing yesterday....”

Marcus: “Oh that

....yeah”

Little-K1ng: “O_O

uh..........................................................”

Marcus: “...that’s kind of what the argument was about”

Little-K1ng: “,,,,,,,,,,,,um

oh fuck. i

max...”

Maxwell: “im not upset”

Little-K1ng: “i just...”

Maxwell: “i took some time”

Little-K1ng: “you're... not?”

Maxwell: “and i get why you did it

yeah

but”

kateza affectionate: “you're in an unprecedented situation. a situation that keeps getting worse and worse with seemingly no reprieve. I don't blame you for slipping up here and there- there's so much stress involved that it's almost expected for you to be upset. i don't think anyone blames you for doing these things. that's all i wanted to say.”

Maxwell: “its gotten worse

baroness has images of more times where i've slipped up

at least twice during my argument with her”

Little-K1ng: “oh christ”

Maxwell: “and then I switched back to ender for certain words....”

Little-K1ng: “i.....”

Maxwell: “and....i sent prince an ask on faer blog....”

Little-K1ng: “you... did?”

Maxwell: “saying i was sorry for upsetting faem and i hoped i could see faem again soon”

Little-K1ng: “oh no oh no

oh max....”

Maxwell: “fae said "see you soon, page"”

Marcus: “...max signed the ask as page as well”

Maxwell: “no no

the was the second one”

Marcus: “..there was one before??”

Maxwell: “after he answered the first one i closed my eyes to breath”

Little-K1ng: “how can i be getting worse so much faster....”

Marcus: “.....I don’t...remember”

Little-K1ng: “unless...”

Marcus: “...huh”

Little-K1ng: “oh fucking christ no non on ono nonon ono nonono.....”

Maxwell: “and when I opened them like three minutes had passed and I had sent an ask as page apparently”

Little-K1ng: “did..... did crown do something? did he get in? did he get in when i left the door open??? and make it worse???????”

Marcus: “...I don’t

...max i don’t remember you sending an ask

Only page”

Little-K1ng: “is it my fault? did... did i do that? did i really.... i..... left you vulnerable....... i....”

Maxwell: “no it isnt your fault”

Little-K1ng: “i just....... this doesnt.... this doesnt hurt me nearly as much as it should.... im not... im still not upset..?”

Marcus: “Mona, Crown didn’t come in...I would’ve seen him. It’s not your fault”

kateza affectionate: “this isn't your fault mona

you're probably emotionally tired”

Little-K1ng: “but i just... i still just feel empty about it. i feel fully justified about this and i know i fucked up but im not hurt”

Raeva: “oh...”

Maxwell: “uh....I have marigold tea if you want some”

Little-K1ng: “i cant even fucking apologize right”

Marcus: “You didn’t mess up

...max what”

kateza affectionate: “you're emotionally burnt out, Mona. This is a bad situation”

Little-K1ng: “wh. where did you get marigolds?”

Maxwell: “oH

uH”

Marcus: “max”

Little-K1ng: “....;max????”

Maxwell: “hm.....well....

Little-K1ng: “max i dont have any tea except dandelion root

you're 16 you dont have money or a car

where the fuck,????”

Maxwell: “fetch was hurt....and i wanted to make sure I could help him tomorrow if he came back home tomorrow”

Marcus: “.....arent the flowers on your laurel...”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “max you didnt”

Little-K1ng: “mAaAaAaX??!!!!

what the HELL”

Marcus: “Don’t yell at him!”

Little-K1ng: “ahhhhh??????????????

im ??? not yelling on purpose im just????????

what the hell ??????”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help and it works?!”

Marcus: “you tested it???”

Maxwell: “yes”

Little-K1ng: “thats such a silly idea max of course it worked??? magic is like that sometimes??? but why would you have even thought about it ?????????”

Marcus: “max”

Maxwell: “i...”

Little-K1ng: “thats so silly how did it taste wh”

Maxwell: “i knew marigolds have the ability to help heal wounds...they can help speed up the process sometimes by a couple of days”

Marcus: “Are you okay??”

Maxwell: “they can help with blood flow”

Marcus: “Which ones did you cut off? Did you only cut one?”

Little-K1ng: “are you???? ok max first of all. heavy metal poisoning speedrunning. nice one. but also. dude cmon they double when you do that”

Maxwell: “and can sometimes even be used to treat infections...

i only cut one but it workss”

Little-K1ng: “one flower for how much ??”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “like. did the water change color? bubble strangely? make fucked up ender noises at you??”

Maxwell: “i got a scrape on my arm when I was pacing outside waiting for fetch and I dipped a paper towel in it and put it on the wound”

Little-K1ng: “god maybe i am emotionally exhausted”

Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”

Marcus: “...I kinda hope it made ender noises that would be funny”

[Maxwell: “it almost fully closed instantly”]

Little-K1ng: “hUH”

Maxwell: “it healed the wound faster than normal

not completely but enough”

Little-K1ng: “oh you better hope you dont do that too much and find out once your laurel wilts the wounds just open wtf”

Marcus: “I don’t think normal marigolds do that”

Little-K1ng: “thats like. supremely fucked dude??? thats weird.”

Maxwell: “.....”

Marcus: “...interesting”

Little-K1ng: “if you only used one did you??? just use the one i cut?”

Maxwell: “i wanted to help fetch

no the...one you cut was a bud

i needed one with petals that was bloomed...”

Marcus: “Y’know Max, I don’t think anyone else would’ve tried that”

Maxwell: “also the bud hasnt wilted despite being cut off a day ago...

but yeah i needed petals”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “i tried to take em off when it was on my head but it felt like I was pulling out my hair so i stopped and just....”

Little-K1ng: “no, i understand the need. i get it. i want to help fetch too and honestly? i would have done the same”

Maxwell: “took a whole one”

Marcus: “...are you okay?

How did that not wake me up”

Little-K1ng: “im. i just. i feel so screwed up about this whole thing.”

Maxwell: “i didnt yell”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “i numbed it with ice and grabbed the scissors

fetch wasnt happy when i told him”

Little-K1ng: “well of course not”

Maxwell: “jack saw it as an experiment”

Marcus: “...you talked to fetch?

Like directly?”

Little-K1ng: “you told him???”

Maxwell: “no he was messaging her”

Little-K1ng: “i dont even tell him when i hide a pill in some cheese for him

wait dont tell him that i said that”

Marcus: “I thought he just gave an update and that’s how you knew about stuff”

Maxwell: “to let us know he wouldnt be home tonight

yeah and i said i knew a way to help heal him”

Marcus: “...”

Maxwell: “he...knew i was gonna do something I shouldnt have

theres still quite a bit left”

Marcus: “....i can see why he would think that”

Maxwell: “it's in a bowl....

....you can use some if you need it”

Little-K1ng: “...........ok. would it be weird. if i drank it

like a little bit

maybe itll?? pick up my mood or something”

Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”

Maxwell: “i dont know if it works for moods”

Little-K1ng: “god i WISH”

Maxwell: “uh give me a sec”

[Marcus: “What if it cures your migraines”]

Little-K1ng: “MARCUS IF IT DOES THAT IM GIVING YOU TWO THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE”

Maxwell: “you could try but as far as i remember it wont work

it works for wounds and inflammatory stuff”

Little-K1ng: “damn”

Marcus: “Why would you give it to me-”

Little-K1ng: “yeah ill be honest i maybe do not want the weird rat juice . at least not right now”

Maxwell: “its...flower

i put the petals in a pot and boiled em”

Little-K1ng: “Brain Flower of the Rat is not exactly the most appealing tea flavor, max. with all due respect”

Maxwell: “then i strained them”

Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”

Maxwell: “actually tastes slightly like normal water...

if anything slightly sweet

jack said it might taste like rose water”

[Marcus: “Juice of Brain Flower of the Rat then”]

Little-K1ng: “sick new lacroix flavor”

[Maxwell: “jack said it might taste like rose water”]

Little-K1ng: “.....rose water?”

Maxwell: “yeah you boil the roses then strain em into a bowl

like i did with the marigolds”

Little-K1ng: “i like rose water... :/ guess maybe i do want the fucked up rat brain plant water”

Maxwell: “you could try some its not like I cant make more”

Little-K1ng: “....hm !!! dont like that

do not make more rat water”

Maxwell: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i will try some but do not make more”

Marcus: “...please stop calling it rat water?”

Little-K1ng: “marcus?? do you want to try some (Patent Pending) Maxwell Ratatouille's Funky Fresh Brain Tea™️?”

Maxwell: “....

im too tired for this shit”

Little-K1ng: “im coping max.”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “ fair”

Marcus: “I don’t have any injuries?”

Maxwell: “im.....i might go to sleep soon....

who?”

Marcus: “Who?”

Little-K1ng: “we dont have injuries

basically

okay so uh?? bottoms up i guess”

sip sip

sip

Marcus: “..oh wait

My elbow?

Does it work on old injuries?”

Little-K1ng: “uh. hm

it tastes good?”

Maxwell: “oh yeah its burned! it wont get rid of the injury but it might help with any lingering pain?”

Little-K1ng: “it tastes nice actually, the rose water thing was actually accurate

........................................huh

wtf”

kateza affectionate: “I’m gonna head to bed. Stay safe y’all. Much love /p”

Little-K1ng: “gn Kate !

uh

hm. okay”

Maxwell: “hm?”

Marcus: “What Mona?”

Little-K1ng: “so. i may have forgotten to mention out loud to yall but i have some pretty bad joint pain

like, typically, its a mid level pain all the time

and its jsut? less

less pain

thats nice”

Maxwell: “told ya it works!”

Little-K1ng: “it.... does !

dont make more though

ill enjoy this for as long as it lasts but for gods sake max dont pick the laurel for tea”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more rat juice max”

Little-K1ng: “gonna do a rat juice high five marcus

try it??”

Marcus: “I’ll..try just applying it to my elbow”

Little-K1ng: “something something dab joke”

Marcus: “Man you really are tired huh?

Little-K1ng: “i am so tired

work was hard

and i came home, expecting like, the remnants of a fight”

Marcus: “Okay- oh”

Little-K1ng: “only to realize that like, just about every problem for the last 2 days are probably entirely my fault”

Marcus: “Mona”

Little-K1ng: “and i dont actually have it in me to think i actually did anything wrong and i keep getting angry and snapping at people who dont deserve it”

Marcus: “Mona it’s fine

I promise”

Little-K1ng: “<:(”

Maxwell: “you okay marcus”

Little-K1ng: “^this is an incredibly forced frown. again, i dont feel bad”

Maxwell: “the water didnt hurt you right?”

Marcus: “Huh?

Oh

No it’s quite soothing actually”

Little-K1ng: “yeah weird right ??”

Marcus: “A bit”

Little-K1ng: “i WILL physically fight you max if you try to make more though

i will get mad. dont”

Maxwell: “....sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i mean dont be sorry for trying it, that was a good idea

but you've done it once, thats enough”

Marcus: “Please don’t make more max”

Little-K1ng: “for safety reasons”

Marcus: “Yeah”

Little-K1ng: “i dont know how easily those stems get infected

and with how deep they run i really dont want you to find out

i already endangered you all this far, please dont help me do that

guys... you both look so tired”

Maxwell: “you wont endagenr us its fein”

Little-K1ng: “maybe you should go to bed”

Maxwell: “im fien”

Little-K1ng: “sounds like it ,':)

head to the tulips, dormouse :)!”

Maxwell: “fuckign what”

Maxwell: “awwwww i love emas”

Little-K1ng: “do you guys want to sleep in the living room? my bed is pretty huge”

Maxwell: “oh iv emafe a neast on the fllor”

Little-K1ng: “oh perfect, and it looks like marcus is already asleep :) thats okay!! goodnight you guys”

Maxwell: “nihgtn”

[mikkock]

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth” 

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks). 

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget. 

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,, 

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[beetledrink]

big mental health rambling under the cut (dont worry if you dont wanna read it im basically talking to myself and ill definitely be fine)

im SOOOOOO. SICK! of feeling worthless! its a lifelong thing ive dealt with thats now coming to a horrible head because i cant enjoy any of my hobbies because no matter what i do or how hard i try ill look at it and then look at someone elses (drawing, music, food, writing, presence) and go “its not as good as theirs, itll never be as good as theirs, they deserve the best and i deserve to feel this way because i am irreparably Bad” and im so tired of it!

i know everyone has self doubt but i feel like im now dealing with a CONSTANT stream of this voice in my head that snaps at me every time i feel an iota of pride or self worth, i get angry with myself when i feel happy with something ive done and i have to go “dont get too happy because its not actually good, everyone whos being nice about it just feels bad for you because youre pathetic” i just want to feel pride for once!! like i JUST want to look at something ive done and not be disgusted because i didnt try hard enough or do well enough or get enough notes or WHATEVER

its so fucking DUMB and the internet has rotted my brain even more because ive tricked myself into thinking internet stranger interactions are some sincere gauge of worth and when i cant get any notes or comments on a drawing ive Royally Fucked Up instead of jut regular fucked up and now ive come to this total halt in my being able to make art and improve because i get halfway done with a single thing and go “no this is so fucking bad and embarrassing i cant finish this or let anyone know ive done it” and scrap it and never finish almost anything because im ashamed of all the art i do, im just like. completely exhausted with constantly beating myself down but whenever i have a tiny tiny scrap of good feelings about myself here comes that voice like “oh so youre a lying narcissist now? youre fucking delusional if you think youre any good or worth anything” and i just continue on like oh sorry i didnt mean it im sorry im sorry

IM TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDD I WANNA LIVE MY LIFE AND DO STUFF I LIKE DOING

[the-three-evils]

Anger

Marvin skidded into the kitchen, gasping for breath. The others looked up from their discussion quickly, staring at the shaking and obviously scared ego.

“What has happened?” Henrik asked, standing slightly. Marvin’s breath was coming in short bursts, his eyes wide. He dropped his hands onto his knees, shutting his eyes and breathing for a long moment.

Jackie frowned, looking behind him, waiting for JJ to rush in after him. They had gone out together - where was the youngest ego?

“Where’s JJ?” Chase asked, echoing the worries in Jackie’s mind. Marvin looked up in a slight panic, then looked behind him.

“He - he was... he was right behind - behind me,” he gasped out. “I swear. He was right - right there.”

“Marvin?” Jackie asked, standing. What had happened? What had sacred Marvin so much? Where was JJ?

“I -” Marvin began, but suddenly Jackie couldn’t wait. He hurried to the door, pushing past Marvin and pounding down the hall.

He burst outside into the cold evening air and began hurrying down the path, nervousness and fear curling in his stomach. What had happened? Where was JJ?

“J!” he called, straining his ears for any sound of his baby brother. “Jamie!” Where are yo-”

His calls cut off as he took in a small lump on the grass, near the park. His breath caught in his throat, fear twisting even deeper into his heart.

“J? Is that you? You alright?” he asked softly as he rushed to the limp form’s side. To his horror, he saw he was right - it was JJ, limp, still, silent. Jackie muttered a curse, forcing himself to focus. He knew what to do - it wasn’t the first time he had found someone close to death.

First time he had found a brother like this though.

He dropped to his knees, feeling for a pulse on JJ’s neck only to recoil in horror - sticky wet blood coated his brother’s throat, invisible in the darkness of the night.

“Don’t you dare,” Jackie growled, gently slipping an arm under JJ’s neck. He slowly picked his brother up, JJ’s arm hanging limp as he stood.

“Jackie!” Chase was hurrying towards him. He skidded to a stop near Jackie, a curse escaping his lips. “Oh no. No, no, no. Marvin said Anti had… Oh no, Jem, please.”

“Get back to the house and tell Henrik to get a bed ready,” Jackie said sharply, sensing that Chase was about to lose it at the sight of his younger brother like this. “Go!” he snapped when Chase hesitated, and he nodded slowly, shaky breaths escaping him before he turned and sprinted away.

Jackie moved more slowly - as quickly as he could without putting JJ in danger but still far too slow. He didn’t even know if JJ was still alive.

Marvin was waiting at the door, his eyes wide and filled with guilt. He hurried alongside Jackie as the superhero carried the limp form of their younger brother towards Henrik.

“I - I thought he was behind me,” Marvin said, his eyes fixed on the red still seeping from JJ’s neck. “I’m sorry. I… this was my fault.”

“Don’t worry about that now,” Jackie growled as he arrived at the door Chase was holding open, his face ashen and worried.

Henrik was busy, hurrying around his clinic, gathering items, preparing tools, getting ready. He waved sharply in the direction of the operating table in the centre of the room and Jackie gently lowered JJ onto it.

“Now get out. I need to work and I cannot with you… ah… drängen den platz. Gehen. Raus!” He waved his hands frantically, leaning over JJ. Jackie let out a long breath, loath to leave while JJ’s fate was unsure. Henrik turned to glare at him, repeated Raus! again, and Jackie reluctantly left the room, ushering Marvin and Chase out the door as well.

“Give him space,” he said as he closed the door. “If anyone can save JJ, it’s Henrik.”

They didn’t go far. Chase slumped down the wall, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, one knee lifted. Marvin leaned against the wall beside the door, his arms crossed. Jackie began pacing, stepping up and down the hall.

They sat in silence for a long time, waiting. The scene kept repeating in Jackie’s head, JJ lying limp, the blood on his neck. He didn’t stop pacing, more thoughts beginning to invade.

You should have been better.

You should have protected him.

You let him down.

This is your fault.

Some hero you are.

“This is my fault,” Marvin muttered, breaking the horrible silence. Jackie stopped, turning to face him and shook his head.

“Please don’t blame yourself,” he said quietly. Chase didn’t move, pulling his hat further down over his eyes. Marvin shrugged, turning to Jackie.

“Don’t deny it, Jackieboy,” he said shortly. “I left him behind when Anti was chasing us. This is my fault. I should have made sure he was ahead of me. I should have stayed with him. I should have done something.”

He grabbed the ears of his mask in his hands and sank down the wall, burying his head in his knees, long hair falling over his face.

“M’sorry,” he muttered. “If he dies - it’s my fault.”

“He’s not going to die,” Chase said firmly from where he sat, not moving. “Henrik’ll save him.”

Jackie didn’t answer, hoping that what Chase said would come true. He cast a long look at the door, wishing he knew what was happening, wishing he could do something more than this endless waiting.

He was sitting against the wall, staring at the door a few hours later. Chase had dozed off, snoring softly beside him and Marvin hadn’t moved in an hour or so, giving Jackie reason to believe he had fallen asleep as well.

The door finally opened, and Jackie’s head snapped up. Chase shifted beside him, rubbing his eyes and looking up as well.

Henrik stood in the doorway, one hand resting on the frame. His face was haggard and tired, blood splattered on his clothes and hands. But there was a hint of satisfaction in his eyes, half hidden by the exhaustion.

He stepped forward and swayed slightly, so Jackie quickly pushed himself to his feet and rushed to his side, catching him before he had a chance to fall. Henrik leaned heavily on him, a small smile dancing on his face.

“JJ’s okay,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I - He’ll live.”

Chase let out a long breath, resting his head against the wall. Jackie felt like a weight had been lifted from him and he smiled slightly as Henrik laid his head on Jackie’s shoulder, exhaustion seeping from him

“You should clean up and get some sleep,” Jackie said. Henrik nodded, blinking.

“Ja,” he muttered. “Ja, I should.”

“Thank you, Henrik,” Chase said quietly. “Can - can I see him?”

Henrik nodded, and Chase vanished into the room. Jackie helped Henrik to the bathroom before ducking into his bedroom to grab some pyjamas.

Once Henrik was in the shower, Jackie headed back down the hall, intending to see how JJ was doing. But as he reached the door, he frowned, eyes landing on the stop where Marvin had been seated.

The magician was gone, nowhere to be seen. Jackie paused, hesitating. Should he go after his brother?

But the need to make sure JJ was alright was too much. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and pushed open the door.

Chase was asleep, one hand clutching JJ’s limp one, his head resting on the bed beside his younger brother. Jackie paused in the door before moving to JJ’s side. The youngest ego’s chest was slowly rising and falling, his breath scratchy as it scrapped past the bandages on his throat.

Jackie dropped into the seat opposite Chase, letting out a long sigh.

“I’m sorry, J,” he said quietly. “I - I shouldn’t have…” His words caught in his throat and he lowered his head, tears pricking his eyes. “This is all my fault.”

Everything was his fault. He was supposed to be the hero, the protector, the strong one. But he hadn’t been able to protect Jack, and now JJ was lying, limp like Jack was before Anti had stolen his body.

”I should have been stronger. I should have been better,” Jackie muttered. “I am so sorry.”

He wasn’t sure how long it was until Henrik returned, pulling him awake. Chase was still sleeping, but Jackie was used to sleeping lightly and the soft sound of the door opening caused him to look up, blinking sleep out of his eyes.

Henrik looked a little better after a shower and short sleep, but he still looked worn and tired. Worry was etched on his face and he motioned Jackie forward.

Jackie stood quietly, moving to his side.

“What’s happened?” he asked softly.

“I cannot find Marvin,” Henrik muttered. “He - he has gone.”

A sinking pit opened in Jackie’s stomach. Marvin had blamed himself - Marvin would be angry. Marvin may have gone after Anti.

“I’ll find him,” Jackie said. A flight would be good - he needed some air.

It was surprisingly light outside - for some reason Jackie had been expecting it still to be night. He took to the air, flying through the early afternoon in search of his brother.

He found Marvin, sitting in the park only a few minutes away from the house. Gently landing beside him, Jackie approached, settling onto the bench beside him. They sat in silence for a few moments, listening to the quiet sounds of the park.

“I shouldn’t have left him,” Marvin said quietly, staring at his hands. “I…” He didn’t say any more, clearly holding back tears.

Jackie didn’t move, thinking long about what to say. Finally, he let out a long breath.

“He’s going to be alright,” he said quietly.

“Yeah. I heard. But is he? I mean… who knows what damage was done. Who…” he paused for a long moment. “Who knows if it’s going to be him who wakes up.”

Jackie shuddered at the suggestion, remembering that horrible moment when Jack’s eyes had snapped open, when he had finally woken up - only to crack his face with that terrible smile, to latch his hand around Jackie’s neck. Remembering that horrible moment when Jackie knew it wasn’t Jack in charge of that body but someone - something - else.

“It’ll be him,” he said quietly. “Marv, you couldn’t have done anything.”

“But I could have!” he cried. “I - I shouldn’t have left him behind. And… And I’m going to find Anti. I’m going to find him and I’m going to make him pay.”

“Marv… don’t - don’t do anything stupid, please,” Jackie said quietly.

“No promises,” Marvin muttered. He stood, his cloak swinging behind him. “I’m going to get some breakfast,” he muttered, stalking back in the direction of home. Jackie watch him go, his heart breaking for his brothers.

His heart broke all the more when JJ woke up. They crowded around his bed, Henrik growling at them to go him space, helping him to a sitting position.

“How’re you feeling, Jem?” Chase asked. JJ smiled weakly and opened his mouth to answer.

No sound came out.

No matter how much he tried, JJ couldn’t speak, tears filling his eyes as he realised he was unable to speak. Jackie didn’t say anything either, clenching his fists and fighting down his anger.

His heart split more when he found JJ, elbows bleeding, silently crying late one night and he could do nothing but hold his baby brother, could do nothing to take away the pain he was feeling.

His heart cracked further a week later when Chase came rushing into the house, screaming for Henrik. Marvin, draped over his shoulder, hanging limp, blood trickling slowly out of each ear.

His heart shattered into a million pieces when he visited Marvin after his brother woke up, staring at him blankly as Jackie spoke to his brother.

His heart shattered into a million pieces and was replaced with a burning ball of rage when he saw what Anti had done to his brothers.

His heart shattered and he vowed revenge, no matter the cost to himself.

After all - this was his fault.

[greennightspider]

Admit it.

Summary: Eric and his Dauntless acquaintance have a mutually beneficial sleeping arrangement. But what happens when one of them trips up on the status quo?

Previous Chapters: Hold Me, One Look was all it Took

Eric x Rae-Lynn (Rae for short)

Turns out, Eric’s tactic was to basically starve Rae-Lynn out. Ever since that night he hadn’t been back since. They would train together, eat together, work together, and Eric acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. Which of course pissed off Rae even more.

Rae hated that nights without Eric lying beside her gave her no rest. She found it frustrating that Eric had this… hold on her. Like she needed him to function. She would toss and turn tangled in the sheets, instinctively reaching behind her to find nothing but an empty space and unfulfilled longing. Rae missed the comfort of warm arms around her sides, the sound of another person breathing in the emptiness of her apartment. Hell, she even missed his snoring.

And Rae knew it was affecting him too. Oh no doubt. She saw the bags under his eyes grow darker with every passing day. Rae tried to cover her own with a bit of make-up, not wanting to give Eric the satisfaction of actually seeing his plan take a toll on her.

But in Eric’s mind, he knew she would be the one to break sooner or later, because damn him if he was nothing but disciplined.

Another long day in Dauntless, and Eric had just finished washing the sweat off his hardened body after a particularly grueling training session. The warm water felt good running down his skin, although it was no replacement for the warmth of Rae’s body next to his. Shaking the thoughts from his head he wrapped himself in a towel and headed to his locker. Eric reasoned that if he couldn’t sleep, might as well do something useful, hoping the exhaustion would also help his body and his mind find some rest in his bed. His...bed. Not hers.

This past week had been harder than he thought. His sleep schedule wasn’t great before the arrangement, but without his human hot water bottle snuggling into him at night, sleep came harder to him than it had ever done in the past.

But there was no freakin way he was going to cave in first.

Erica slammed his locker door shut, but when he did he found Rae behind it. One hand on the neighboring locker and other on the belt of her dark grey cargo pants, with her eyes locked to the floor.

“Okay so maybe you did see something.”

“Oh did I.” Eric drawled sarcastically, flipping one of his towels over his shoulder. Rae raised an eyebrow, chalking up the extra flare to the lack of sleep. “And what was that?”

“Look dude, you can’t expect to snuggle up to a girl shirtless every single night without her getting… ideas. I mean look at you!” Rae gestured at him wildly exasperated, to which Eric raised an eyebrow, chalking up her flare to her lack of sleep.

“What about me?”

Rae then slitted her baggy eyes at Eric, trying to pierce through his questioning gaze to discern if he was actually that oblivious or just wanted to embarrass her more. “Oh shut up you know damn well you’ve got a body I could grate cheese on, and most chicks here drool over whenever you’re in the ring, or just EXISTING.”

“Oh do they now?” Eric smirked as you rolled your eyes. Watching Rae fidget uncomfortably running her fingers through her tousled black hair and then around the back of her neck was definitely a win for him. It meant you were on the ropes.

“Yeah and well look a girl’s got needs and you ain’t hideous so….yknw… cant blame it if I get heated once in a while its just biology!” Rae whined with her shoulders slumped, eyes to the ceiling. Oh Eric loved when he got what he wanted.

She grimaced and tried to avoid his face while she scratched her head. “So we cool?”

“Ask me nicely. I wanna hear you say it.” Eric cut through Rae’s smoke and mirror tactics with a knife. After almost a week and a half of beating around the bush he wanted to hear her get to the point.

“…so can you come over or what?” Rae tiredly asked, defeated and slumped.

“Hmmm…” Eric kissed his teeth as he looked at his beaten opponent up and down. “I’ll have go to with or what.”

And with that Eric brushed past Rae who’s mouth was left wide open, Eric more than pleased with his victory.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Stupid smartass.” Rae mumbled, slamming the door to her apartment shut, back home late again from another midnight training session. “Thinks he can make me admit shit then walk away like an asshole,” she cursed while throwing her keys at the wall before slamming her bedroom door open.

“Who the fuck he think he is?!” She threw her bag at the wall in a fit of rage, watching it slide down the wall. “Stupid toned ass.”

“Can you keep it the fuck down?”

Rae froze as she turned and finally noticed the figure in her bed, lying on his stomach with a sheet covering his lower half and one pillow half on his face.

“Tryna sleep here.”

Rae stood there like a stunned deer for a minute, watching his bare back rise and fall before shaking herself back into reality. “Thought you said or what.”

“Just get your ass into bed before I drag it in here.”

Without a word Rae took her jacket and socks off, too tired to argue or to play games right now. All she was thinking was that hopefully she could finally get a good night’s sleep with him around.

Rae shifted under the sheet and tried to pull up the blankets and get under his arm, trying to get comfortable, before she felt a hand twitch around her back, feeling her sports bra.

“Nuh-uh, you don’t wear it this time. Take it off.” He pulled the fabric and snapped it back.

Rae gulped. All the other times she slept with Eric she’d always worn a bra, Eric knew this damn well. And he knew she was looking at him with utter contempt but he didn’t care. “You just called me mean names. I feel hurt. It’s the least you could do.”

Rae-Lynn took in an annoyed breath knowing her swearing didn’t mean shit to him. But she did as she was told, sitting up, and taking her bra off. Rae threw it heatedly against the wall, Eric not missing the smack of the battered fabric.

“It’ll just be uncomfortable anyways, I’m just tryna help you.”

Rae rolled your eyes in the darkness as she put her singlet back on and settled back under the sheets. “Sure you are.”

Eric lifted his arm up and turned so he was snuggled against Rae’s back. “See isn’t that better.” He sleepily grumbled, taking Rae’s silence as a reluctant yes.

“You know I would teach you a lesson…” He all but growled, moving his hands dangerously up her torso, making Rae’s breath hitch in surprise when his hands pushed up under her breasts.

“But I’m just too fucking tired. Gnight.”

And before Rae could protest or even react the Dauntless leader was already snoring lightly in her ear. And normally, Rae would have made a fuss, possibly slapped him, or lay awake wondering if that shit was a joke or something else. 

But after a week and a half of almost no sleep, she just didn’t have the energy to even process it. And so, rather than making a fuss Rae decided to leave the sleeping giant be. For now, she was just going to enjoy the fact she had her muscly bedwarmer back.

Taglist: @therealcalicali @themusingofagothicsoul @draconicuchiha @destroyther00f @queentearra @selina122 @chocolatemetalprincess@tomarisela @mbaku-babygirl @laketaj24 @myboyfriendgiriboy @every-jai 

[the--blackdahlia]

This Life Chapter 16

Title: This Life Chapter 16

Summary:  Dean Winchester is the Vice President of the motorcycle club The Hunters. After almost 7 years in prison, he's free. But things have changed and Dean has to figure out how to put things back together.

Warnings: Language, mentions of drug use, this chapter is pretty sad

AN: Thank you to the lovely @sams-serialkiller-fetish .  The song for this chapter is Come Join the Murder by The White Buffalo & The Forest Rangers

Sam was curled up in the passenger seat of Baby as Dean drove them back to Wolfpine. He had his arm cradled against him and his eyes were closed. Dean kept casting glances over at him. The kid had worked himself up the minute Ellen stepped out of the truck and asked where Benny was. Jim had forced him to take a couple pills from the med kit that Bobby kept in the truck and before Dean knew it, his not so little, little brother was snoring softly beside him in the Impala.

Dean was exhausted. He couldn’t wait to get back to Wolfpine and collapse onto his bed. And he had the pull out couch for Sam to sleep on for the night. Unless he decided that they needed to spend the night in John’s old house. But Dean didn’t think it was a very good idea. Plus, they had the Wayward Sons following them to Wolfpine to think of a plan in case the remaining Horsemen decided to retaliate for Azazel’s death.

Bobby had called in some favors with a couple sheriff’s who owed him a thing or two. Benny’s body would be returned home, and the bodies of Azazel and the henchmen would be dealt with. Jody assured Bobby of that. Bobby could focus then on putting Benny to rest. His dad was currently drinking his way through Atlantic City, and his mom was on her honeymoon with her new husband in Europe. Bobby doubted that either would be there to say goodbye to their son.

And then there was Sam. That kid had been through more trauma in the past year than any of them had. He had watched as a fire destroyed everything, he watched his dad shot in the chest and was left for dead, and then he was chained up to watch as a man who was like a brother to him was shot in the head and killed. Bobby didn’t know about what Azazel had told Sam, and neither did Dean. Bobby didn’t know about Sam’s downward spiral into depression that John managed to pull him out of. Dean was afraid it was going to happen again.

“Sammy.” Dean said gently when he parked Baby in Winchester-Singer’s lot. Sam groaned and slowly opened his eyes. “Hey, we’re at the garage. I thought we could stay here tonight then head to my place tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Sam said softly, opening the door and slowly getting out, stretching his long legs as he did. He had been asleep when they stopped in New Mexico. He didn’t even remember Dean making him get out of the car to use the bathroom and forced him to eat a little something that the medicine in him wouldn’t screw him up too much.

“How’s your arm?” Dean asked, coming around to look at Sam.

“It’s fine.” He whispered, but he was holding it close to him. Dean was sure that it was probably hurting. He followed Sam to the building. He could hear the others pulling in. But Dean knew that Sam needed time away from all of them. Hell, he needed time away from all of them. So they made their way through everything to the room that Dean used to sleep in when he just couldn’t handle being around John, until he got the apartment that was. It wasn’t much. A large bed mainly. But that’s all they really needed. They needed sleep.

“Let me look at that.” Dean said when he closed the door behind him. Sam held out his arm for Dean to check it out. He knew basic first aid. And he knew how to change bandages. He was going to make sure that they were always clean and taken care of. “It looks fine. It should heal nicely.”

“Thanks.” Sam sighed and set down on the bed. “You want the bed?”

“I think there’s enough room we could share.” Dean laughed. “And I’ll even keep my boxers on.”

“God, you’re ridiculous.” Sam said, kicking off his boots and laying back on one side of the bed. Dean kicked off his own shoes and his vest was next. He tossed himself down on the bed.

“God, this thing stinks.” He shook his head, not wanting to know what had been done on this bed. “I’m replacing it once everything is done and over with.” Sam didn’t answer. Dean looked over to find Sam fast asleep. He couldn’t help but smile. “G’night bitch.” He said, turning over and falling to sleep himself.

****

The next morning, there were not alarm clocks. Everyone slept in as much as they could, just enjoying their moments of peace. They knew that war was on the horizon, especially once the other princes found Azazel. They also knew that they were going to have to bury Benny. Bobby had tried over and over again to get a hold of either of his parents, but nothing.

Sheriff Mills came by in the afternoon. Dean was out in the garage, trying to focus on a car to keep his mind off of everything. The Wayward Sons were staying at John’s old home for the night. Bobby had never sold it, figuring that Sam might want it during the summers or something. Or that Dean would get tired of that apartment and want a change. Lucifer, Andy, Gabriel, Ruby, and Meg were all there, waiting for the other shoe to drop and war to break out.

“Dean Winchester.” Jody said, walking up to him. Dean smiled some.

“Hey Jody.” Dean said, wiping his hands on a shop rag. She could tell that his smile wasn’t reaching his eyes though and she immediately hugged him. She might have been on the Hunters payroll, but she was also a friend. That’s what made it a little easier to look the other one every once in awhile.

“Benjamin Lafitte has been released to the North Star Hospital Center.” Jody explained to Dean. “So you guys can arrange…” Dean nodded.

“Thanks Jody. We really owe you.” Dean said. Jody looked up then and smiled some as Sam came out into the garage, favoring his arm.

“Sam.” She hugged him, careful to miss his arm. “Welcome home.”

“Thanks Jody.” Sam said softly. “Hey Dean, have you seen Jim?”

“No, not yet. Your arm hurting?” Dean asked. Sam nodded. Dean was about to say something when some new bikes pulled into the lot. Jody was a little on edge. “It’s ok Jody, they’re friends.” Dean said. Andy took his helmet off and looked over at Sam and Dean.

“You okay?” He asked, walking past Jody.

“I’m fine.” Sam sighed. Jody took this time to size up the Wayward Sons. Andy seemed okay. Meg and Ruby weren’t too bad. Gabriel looked a little rough around the edges. Lucifer was fucking scary.

“I could score you some Demon Blood man.” Lucifer said. “It’ll stop all the pain.”

“Yeah, and it’ll stop him from being a functioning human being.” Ruby hissed. “Don’t even bring that shit around here.”

“Demon Blood?” Dean asked. “What the fuck is that?”

“Street drug and nasty.” Jody told him. “I just had to interview a couple of girls who had been slipped it in their drinks.” Dean watched Ruby awkwardly rubbed her arm as Jody spoke. “Moderation shouldn’t cause any life altering effects. But too much and overdoses can really fuck you up.”

“Can we change the subject?” Sam asked. “I don’t need Demon Blood. Just some low grade, over the counter painkillers and I’ll be good.”

“What happened anyway?” Jody asked.

“I got shot.” Sam said dismissively before he headed to where Ellen and Jo were to see if they had anything.

“Well, I guess you guys have things to attend to.” Jody said. “Let me know when the funeral is. I’d love to pay my respects.” She patted Dean’s arm and offered a small smile. “And tell Bobby to give me a call.” She left then. Dean went to go make the arrangements to have Benny buried. He didn’t want him to lay there and rot because his parents couldn’t give a shit about him. He also needed to research whatever this Demon Blood shit was.

“She was addicted to it.” Andy said to Dean, startling him some. “Ruby was. She was kicked out of her home, lost her job, everything. All she wanted was more of it. But she pulled herself out and is very anti Demon Blood.”

“Why is it called that?” Dean asked.

“No matter what form it’s in, it’s a deep red. It looks like blood. And it causes the user to hallucinate. A very common side effect is they believe they have powers.” Andy looked over at Lucifer, who was talking with Meg and Gabriel. “Lucifer OD’ed on it. That’s why he’s insane.”

“That did that to him?” Dean asked.

“Gabriel said he had a slight mental illness anyway. And he got hooked on Demon Blood. And he just took more and more until his body couldn’t take it anymore.” Andy explained. “Sam got lucky. He took it once and it made him sick and he promised to never take it again.” Andy realized as soon as the words left his mouth, he shouldn’t have said them.

“Wait...what did you say?” Dean asked.

“Nothing.” Andy shook his head.

“Sam took this drug?” Dean asked. Andy sighed.

“Once, as a moment of weakness. Right after Jess died. But he got so sick that the benefits were overshadowed. And he promised all of us and God himself that he would never do it again.” Andy could see the anger bubbling away under Dean’s skin. What else had Sam neglected to tell him? Instead, Dean stormed off, leaving Andy there. He went to find Bobby so they could get ready to bury Benny.

****

The funeral home was quick to have things set up. So it was the next day and they were ready. Benny was prepped and placed in a closed casket. It was sunny and warm. Every trope in movies said it was supposed to rain. So it couldn’t really be a funeral.

It was a graveside service. The funeral home did bring Benny to the cemetery via hearse, and the Hunters and Wayward Sons were the pallbearers. While the Wayward Sons had only known Benny a couple of days, they felt obligated to stand there by the Hunters. Ellen and Jo sobbed. Especially Ellen. She had watched Benny grow up from a chubby toddler to a man.

Sam was one of the first to leave when the ceremony was over. He had to get away. He needed air. So he stormed off, running away to a club of trees where he could sit and be alone. But he wasn’t, because Dean was right behind him.

“Sammy…” Dean said. “We got revenge for Benny and for dad.”

“You think that Azazel planned this all on his own?” Sam asked. Dean was about to speak up. “There are three more princes out there, plus their fucking henchmen. Dean, we have to stop them all.”

“And we will in due time.” Dean said. “We just buried Benny.”

“They won’t care.” Sam told him. “And if what Azazel said is true…”

“What? What did he say to you?” Dean asked.

“He told me that he slept with mom when her and dad were separated and that I have a good chance of being his kid.” Sam told Dean. “I don’t believe but…”

“Dad told me about that.” Dean said. “You’re not Azazel’s son. Even if you were, it didn’t change anything. Dad loved you so much.”

“But…”

“No buts Sammy. You’re a Winchester, that’s all there is to it. You ain’t getting out of this family that easy.” He smirked at Sam, who rolled his eyes. “Come on. I think a trip up to Austin for a burger is in order. My treat.”

“Can we take Baby?” Sam asked.

“Of course. Probably hard to steer your bike with that arm anyway.” They headed back to the others. They had gotten a ride with Bobby. Dean didn’t mention anything about what Andy had told him about Demon Blood. He just wasn’t in the mood to fight with Sam. He got his brother back and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t want to push him away.

And a trip to Austin really could do them both a lot of good.

****

Aguila, Arizona

Azazel’s body laid on a table as Asmodeus, Alastair, Ramiel, Lilith, Abbadon, and Dagon stood around. It had been chaos when the princes had came back from a run to Mexico and found their fourth dead on the ground. This just stunk of Hunters. Alastair was sure of it.

“They’re all dead.” Asmodeus finally said. “The Hunters have to be exterminated.”

“What do we do?” Ramiel asked.

“We slaughter them like the pigs they are.” Lilith hissed. She held Azazel’s favorite pistol in her hands. “I want to kill at least one of them.”

“Lil, just breathe.” Abbadon said. She looked at the others.

“Actually, I think it would be a fantastic idea to include the girls.” Alastair said. “They have a moral code. They’re not going to willingly shoot women. And they don’t have women in their group. It would be the perfect distraction.”

“Then let’s get ready.” Asmodeus announced. “I want the Hunters dead by the end of the week.”

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @i-would-die-for-woodland-demars @dekahg @marvel-af @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles  Tags: @luciathewinchestergirl @sheris532 @bobasheebaby @flamencodiva @bella-ca

This Life Tags: @soulslaststand @jamielea81 @caplansteverogers @becs-bunker @colie87

Supernatural Tags: @bandobsession98 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @fangirlsencyclopaediaofweirdness @ilovetardis @missihart23 @cloudyskylines @supernaturalwincestsblog @sams-serialkiller-fetish

[the-lupine-sojourner]

Takara’s Hero Academia, Season 2 Episode 2 [Eijiro Kirishima/OC] [Female!Aizawa/Hizashi]

Okay, so here we finally are. I feel like it’s been forever since I updated this story. Sorry! 

Anyway, um, I do now have a Patreon, in case anyone wants to actually pay me to write or whatever. Seriously, though, don’t feel pressured to do anything with this. I am just seeing if anything will come out of this. 

Moving on, I’ll do the taglist. @elite-guard-hardygal @dailyojiromashirao @souskena and @fandoms-fandoms-everywhere99 . I apologize for not having this up last night!! I thought I’d be able to sit down and get it done but then I ended up getting sidetracked and then it was midnight and--whoops. I might post what I did instead later. It’s kinda cool! Hardygal knows what it is, lol. XD

Okay, so lemme add the link for this series’ Masterlist! 

Okay, now let’s get to the story! :)

God Bless and Good Day! 

~The Lupine Sojourner

By the time the final bell rang, I was exhausted.

I yawn and stand, gathering my things up before Eijiro grabs them and slips them into my backpack for me, and I blush a little. He was still distracting me! I thought I was going to try to pull myself together around him! Regardless, I smile.

“Thanks, but you really don’t have to keep doing this kind of thing for me…” I mumble, scratching the back of my neck. Eijiro shrugs.

“I want to.” He replies and my blush goes a few shades darker.

“O-oh…” I mumble. “Okay.” Then, Ochaco opens the door.

“Uhh...why the heck are you all here!?” I look up and see the doorway packed with students.

“Do you students have some business with our class?” Tenya asks. No one replies. I shift awkwardly, shrinking back a little into my seat. The spotlight wasn’t something I was used to. If I had to guess, they’re here to scout out the class that’s fought villains...greeeaaaattt.

“Why are you blocking the doorway?” The class pervert asks. “I won’t let you hold us hostage!” I roll my eyes. Like he could do anything about it. Katsuki, backpack over his shoulder, stalks toward the door.

“They’re scouting out the competition, idiots.” He growls. “We’re the class that survived a real villain attack. They wanna see us with their own eyes.” I gulp, standing. If he was leaving, I should, too. I needed to find Mom and Dad, anyway. Eijiro takes my backpack and walks toward the door with me. I smile gratefully at him. “At least know you know what a future pro looks like.” Katsuki continued. I roll my eyes, the smile dropping.

“Katsuki, enough. We’re all striving to be heroes. Technically, that makes us all potential future pros. Stop.” I call, but it doesn’t make a difference.

“Now move it, extras!” Katsuki snaps as the crowd goes quiet.

“Katsuki!” I bark, hobbling over.

“You can’t just go around calling people extras just because you don’t know them!” Tenya interjects, his arms waving wildly in his emotional state. I open my mouth to add my own lecture, but then a voice rings out and I freeze.

“So this is Class 1-A.” It was Hitoshi! “I heard you guys were impressive, but you just seem like an ass.” He was talking to Katsuki as he made his way through the crowd as I crutch over.

“Shinso!” He never liked me calling him ‘Hitoshi’ in public. He smiles briefly at me, nodding subtly, then turns back to Katsuki.

“You know this clown?” Katsuki growls. I glare at him.

“Yeah. We went to middle school together.” It was a reason I know his name, at least. I didn’t need to go further and embarrass Hitoshi.

“I was sad to come here and find a bunch of egomaniacs in her class.” He continues, sighing a little and rubbing the back of his neck.

“It’s just how Katsuki is,” I defend, “but seriously. Not all of us are like him.” Katsuki glares at me. Hitoshi closes his eyes.

“I wanted to be in the hero course.” He says to no one in particular...or maybe Katsuki. Or 1-A. I’m not sure. “But, like many others here, I was forced to choose a different track.” I suddenly realize why Shinso was here; part of it might be checking on me, but a larger portion must be him declaring what he intended to do. He wanted to win the Sports Festival or do well enough that he can be moved into the Hero Course, like Mom did when she was in high school. “Such is life.” His eyes narrow at Katsuki, who’s remaining surprisingly calm. “I didn’t cut it the first time around, but I have another chance.” I knew it! “If any of us do well in the Sports Festival, the teachers can decide to transfer us to the Hero Course, and they’ll have to transfer students out to make room.” Oh, no...this was a declaration of war. “‘Scouting the competition’?” Hitoshi asks rhetorically. “Maybe some of my peers are, but I’m here to let you know that if you don’t bring your very best, I’ll steal your spot right out from under you.” Hitoshi tilts his head a little. “Consider this a declaration of war.” I blink.

“Shinso…” I murmur, biting my lip. The rest of the class flinches in shock, but I look at Shinso dead in the eye. Hitoshi was serious, but only glaring at Katsuki, who was glaring back. Was he just acting tough to push himself?

“Hey, you!” Comes a new male voice, and someone else forces their way to the head of the crowd. He had incredibly thick blonde eyelash-looking things around his eyes, with silver hair and a fire in his eyes to match Katsuki’s. Oh, great. Another hothead. “I’m from Class B, right next door to you! We heard you fought some villains and- -oh, shit.” He stops short when he sees my boot and crutch. I sigh and gesture to the boot.

“Yeah, we fought villains.” I reply. “And I got the injuries to prove it.” He takes a step back, then scoffs.

“Well, looks like the rest of your class are brats who think they’re better than us!” He challenges. I roll my eyes and point to my backpack, in Eijiro’s hand.

“That’s my backpack, but it hasn’t been on my shoulders since I got here. Eijiro here was the one who got me out of the villain attack and he’s been helping me ever since. The rest of my class are great people, too. Bakugo’s just...headstrong and doesn’t listen to anything or anyone.” The guy turns to Katsuki.

“Oh, great! Talk all you want, loser! It’ll just be more embarrassing when you’re K.Oed!” Katsuki just scoffs and walks away.

“Don’t you ignore me!” The newcomer roars angrily. I move to get Katsuki, but Eijiro beats me to saying anything.

“Dude, where’re you going?! You gotta say something! It’s your fault everyone’s hating on us, Bakugo!” Katuski just glances over his shoulder.

“These people don’t matter.” He growls.

“Huh!?” Eijiro snaps.

“The only thing that’s important is that I beat them.”

“Katsuki, stop!” I snap. “Yeah, we have to beat them to win, but heroes also need to have good teamwork with others. You need to work on that if you want to be the top.”

“Says who?” Katsuki retorts, then walks away before I can say anything else. The silver-head pops up again.

“Hey! I’m coming for you!” He exclaims. Katsuki ignores him. I go to chase him down and talk sense into him, but then decide against it. Right now, Katsuki’s only focus was winning the Sports Festival. If I were to talk to him, he’d only see it as me trying to undermine his chances somehow.

“I hate that that was such a manly exit…” Eijiro grumbles, clenching his fist. I bite my lip.

“Yeah, but...there’s no way he’ll win the Festival if he pisses everyone off.” I reply.

“Meh. He’ll be fine.” Sero counters.

“Besides, he wasn’t wrong.” Fumikage points out. “We have to beat them.” Kaminari groans.

“Yeah, sure, but this sucks!”

“So let’s prove them wrong.” I call, coming back further into the class room. “Don’t be what everyone thinks we are. We’ll prove them wrong.” Denki groans.

“But he made us everyone’s enemy!”

“Yeah, and all these dumb idiots will be gunning for us in the Festical now.” Mineta adds. I shrug, not looking at that little creep.

“Look, just keep training hard and don’t be an asshole and we’ll prove them wrong.” I retort, looking at Kaminari. He laughs.

“Kinda blunt, Yamada, but I like your style!” I chuckle and wave him away.

“Call me Takara, and thanks.” Eijiro then calls me and puts my backpack beside my desk for me. I notice he’s glaring at Kaminari, so I try to distract him by smiling at him. “Thanks.” The students outside slowly go away, talking about this and that, and I have to restrain myself from giving some big speech about how great my class is because the truth is...I don’t really know them yet. I don’t know enough to definitively stand up and say what I want to say. I then look up as Shinso walks over, giving me a small smile.

“Hey.” I smile back.

“Hey.”

“I’m glad to see you’re better. You had me scared for a moment.” Anyone who didn’t know Shinso might think he’s just saying that. His voice didn’t give much emotion away, but I understood. He meant every word.

“That was some speech.” I note, sighing.

“I meant that, too.” He says, leaning against the desk in front of me and crossing his arms. Most everyone’s left and I wanted to talk to Shinso, anyway, so I stay.

“Don’t lie; you just wanted to see me.” I tease, smiling.

“And what gave you that idea? I just wanted to send my message to 1-A.” He retorts. I roll my eyes, then sigh and pick at my skirt.

“...I’m worried, Shinso.” I confess softly.

“About what?” He asks, brow raised.

“About the Festival, and...and if I’ll be healed enough to prepare myself to fight. I just...my ribs don’t hurt that bad, but my leg still needs work. And I still need to train. A lot. I just...Mom and Dad will be watching. The world will be watching. I want to make a good impression.” Eijiro apparently takes that as a kind of cue, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

“You’ll make a great one!” He assures me, daring to squeeze me close enough to mush our cheeks together. I blush and laugh.

“If you say so.” I reply, squeezing him in return. He straightens up, lets go, and puts a hand on my shoulder.

“But seriously; don’t sweat it. You’ll be great!” I grin and put my hand over his in a moment of boldness. 

“If you say so.” I retort. Eijiro understood the deeper meaning; I support you, but think you’re downplaying yourself too much.. It was somethign we’d done for each other a lot as we approached this school year and the challenge of learning how to be a pro hero. Shinso pushes off the desk.

“Well, it was nice chatting, but I should be going.” He says. I stand, too, and hug him.

“Thanks for coming.” I murmur, drawing away.

“Your friend’s right, Takara; trust yourself. Besides, your parents adore you. No matter what you do in the Festival, their love won’t change.” I nod.

“Yeah, yeah. I just can’t help worrying about this whole thing.” Hitoshi shakes his head, chuckling.

“Don’t.” With that, he shrugs and waves as he walks away. I watch him leave and then pick up my backpack, slinging it over one shoulder, insisting on carrying it this time, despite Eijiro tugging on it.

“I got it. I’m not going far. Just to the teacher’s lounge to find Mom and Dad.” Eijiro pouts.

“Takara, you shouldn’t overdo it.” He mumbles. I smile, adjusting the backpack a little.

“I’m not.” He suddenly leans forward gives me a hug. I wonder where this is coming from, but find that I really like this. His hug is strong, but not overwhelming, steady and warm. I feel so safe and secure, I lose myself for a second and bury my face in his neck. He smells like cologne and men’s bodywash. One of those two things had teatree oil in it, something that made him smell amazing!

I then feel Eijiro stiffen and come back to reality and I blush almost blood red as I release him. Our eyes were so wide, they might have popped if they were balloons. “S-so-sorry!” I stammer, grabbing my crutch and running as quick as I can out of the classroom without using the crutch. Eijiro hadn’t moved, so I had a headstart, managing to get away before he- -”Ow!”

“Oof!” I blink, my leg flaring a bit as I realize I’ve run into somebody. Instantly, I stand and apologize. The person I hit laughs.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. It happens sometimes.” It’s a female, third year if I had to guess. Her Quirk makes her look wolf-like, her fur a mottled grey, black and earthen brown. It was so pretty! Her eyes were sapphire blue on the outside and emerald green on the inside and her tail flicks back and forth mindlessly and I have to remember to talk. It was rude to just stare.

“But still. I’m, um, Takara. Takara Yamada.” Her eyes light up.

“Oh! My dad works with your parents!” I raise a brow.

“Really?” She nods.

“Yeah! Oh, sorry! I’m Asami. Asami Hamato.” I grin.

“Like Hamato-Sensei that teaches the second years’ literature?” Asami laughs.

“Yeah. He might quit after this semester, though. He wants to start a self-defense dojo for people with less, um, combative Quirks.”

“Wow, that’s amazing!” She nods happily.

“Thanks.” She hands me back my crutch. “Here you go.” I take it. She pauses. “Wait...you’re in 1-A, right?” I nod.

“Yeah.” She gestures to my boot.

“This from that USJ incident?” I nod.

“Yeah...turns out your leg breaks when a superhuman grabs it to slam you into your mother.” I tried to sound light, like it was a joke now...but my voice wavered. Asami winces.

“Yikes. I’m glad you’re doing better, then.” I was grateful she didn’t press me for more details as I squirm.

“Thanks. I should probably let you go. It was great meeting you.” Asami smiles.

“Yeah, it was great meeting you, too. Maybe I’ll see you around, okay?” I nod, starting to walk off.

“Yeah.” We wave at each other and I continue on my way. Luckily, Eijiro hadn’t pursued me. I blushed again just thinking about that moment…

What was I thinking?! I’d just...it’d felt so good having his strong arms around me, his warmth making me feel safe and at ease, even if it was just for a moment. And then I went and ruined the mood by sniffing him! Ergh!

Finally, I reach the teacher’s lounge. “Hey, champ!” Dad calls. “I was just gonna come looking for yah!” I walk further into the room.

“Hey. I was just talking a bit with the others before I came up here.” he smiles.

“Okay.” I decided to focus on Asami, not that. I’d never hear the end of it if I told Dad I sniffed someone (especially Eijiro) out of nowhere.

“I met a third year on my way here.” Dad tilts his head.

“Oh? Who are they? I might know her.”

“Asami Hamato.” Dad grins.

“Oh, yeah! Her dad works here; Hamato Yoshi. He’s a nice guy. Kinda quiet, doesn’t say much, and doesn’t hang around the school a lot.” I shrug.

“Asami also said he wants to start a self-defense dojo for people that don’t have very combative Quirks.” Dad’s eyes go wide.

“That’s great!” I grin.

“I know, right?” Dad then grabs his stuff.

“Alright. Shota’s resting on the couch, but it’s time to go, so I’ll get her.” I nod.

=#=#=#=#=

The next few days went quick, and after school, I’d pop in for a little healing. Never anything extreme, but enough that in those few days, I was healed enough that Recovery Girl gave me the okay to start getting back into exercise and training, warning me to take it a little slow at first.

At that particular session (when I was cleared for training), All Might happens by the door. “I didn’t know you still needed healing…” He mumbles, walking slowly into the room. He looked guilty, but I don’t know why.

“Well, I didn’t want to drain my stamina too much because of school and stuff, but, um, yeah...I should be all healed soon, though, right Recovery Girl?” She chuckles.

“Yes, I believe so, now hold still so I can use my Quirk.” I do and find the healing sensation something I’ve gotten used to at this point. I watch Toshin-Oji go into his real form and sigh heavily as he sits on a cot.

“Takara, I...I wanted to say I’m sorry.” I blink as Recovery Girl moves away.

“Wait, what?” I ask, genuinely confused. “What for?”

“I couldn’t be at the USJ because I wasted my time as All Might that morning being heroic. I was stupid and now you, Shota, and Izuku paid the price.” I blink, remembering that Izuku’s legs seemed broken when he leapt out to protect All Might at the USJ. I wince.

“Is Izuku okay?” I ask automatically.

“He’s fine.” Recovery Girl assures me. “Besides broken legs, he only had minor injuries and two broken fingers.” I breathe out.

“That’s good.”

“How’s Shota?” All Might asks, bringing us more or less back to what he’d said. I sigh.

“She’s...coping. It’s not easy for her to adjust to needing to wear casts on both of her arms, but she’s happy she’s not blind.”

“She could have been blinded?!” He asks sharply in shock. I pale. Wrong thing to say!

“...Her orbital floors were pretty badly damaged, but Recovery Girl managed to heal them. She’s fine...or, at least, better then she used to be.” I chuckle awkwardly, and All Might smiles in relief, exhaling.

“That’s great news. Frankly, I was worried about you two, even after I heard you were stable. When I saw you on the ground, caught under Nomu’s foot...I didn’t know what had happened, just that it pissed me off so much I saw red and next thing I knew, I had you in my arms.” I blink. He’d been feeling this way since the incident?

“Toshin-Oji, you really can’t blame yourself- -no, seriously- -the only ones to blame are the villains.” I reply, holding up a hand when he tried to interrupt. “Even during the fight, I knew as long as I could hold out until I got to Recovery Girl, I’d be okay. I knew my injuries were bad, but I always had that notion in the back of my head.” I realize what I’m saying and turn to Recovery Girl. “I mean, not that I assumed you’d help me or anything! I just knew there was a possibility that I’d be healed pretty quickly!” She holds up her hand.

“I knew what you meant, dear. And, unlike another student, I haven’t had to heal you much, so of course I’d help you out. You and your mother were hurt pretty bad. I knew I could help, and I did, so let’s all agree to put this behind us, okay?” I smile.

“Yeah...okay. Toshin-Oji?” He turns his head to look me in the eye. “I love you.” He blinks.

“I love you, too.” He says and I swoop over to hug him. “You truly are a treasure.” He murmurs, squeezing me just a little harder and kissing my temple. I tear up a little in happiness and bury my face in his chest.

“Hey, Tik--...am I interrupting?” Dad asks, trailing off when he saw what was going on. I pull away and smile at Dad.

“Nah, we were just clearing some things up.” I reply, winking at Toshin-Oji. Dad seems to read the subtext and nods.

“I see. Well, Shota’s ready to go, so let’s not keep her waiting, okay?” I nod.

“Okay.” I turn back to the office. “Bye, guys!” I call, waving as I walk out of the room, thankfully not needing my boot. “Thank you, Recovery Girl!” I add.

“Don’t overdo it, dear! Start slow!” She calls back and I nod in acknowledgement.

“Hey, Tik-Tak, there’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.” Dad says as we walk, and I nod, wondering what he could possibly want to talk to me about.

“Okay.” I prompt. He wraps an arm around my shoulders.

“Shota and I have been talking, and we think it’d be best to move into the faculty facility here on campus. That way, Shota doesn’t have to be driven to work everyday and we all have a bit more independence. Would you want to do that?” I nod.

“Yeah, Mom mentioned you two were toying with the idea, and I told her I could have my stuff packed in, like, two hours. Honestly, I think it’s a good idea!” He ruffles my hair.

“Thanks, Takara. Frankly, I’m using the whole move as a way to help Shota.” He sighs, slumped and looking away. “She’s taking this hard. Villains got the drop on us and she’s still trying to cope.” I blink.

“I...I’d imagine so.” I mumble. “Honestly, I haven’t been sleeping too well, myself. I keep waking up to nothing, feeling on edge for some reason, wondering what woke me, but I’m able to go back to sleep. Sometimes, I swear there’s someone in a room, but when I do the vibration thing, no one’s there.” Dad looks at me somberly, hand on my shoulder.

“That’s completely normal, Musume. Even Shota’s been having nightmares. She keeps waking up, clutching her face and staring around the room with her Quirk active, like she’s looking for enemies. It’s hard to get her to calm down.” I sigh. Figures Mom has her own demons to deal with.

“Maybe we can have movie night? Watch some corny comedy or something?” Dad chuckles.

“Maybe. Or we can ask Toshinori for show suggestions to watch as a family.” I nod eagerly.

“Yeah!” I’m already whipping out my phone and typing up a text as Dad laughs.

“We’ll look up recipes for popcorn and make a night of it. What’dya say?” I grin at him, sending the text.

“I say ‘hell yeah’!” I reply, high-fiving dad. This was a great idea!

Within five minutes, I get a text back.

Toshin-Oji <3:

Well, if you’re looking for something that makes for a good distraction, I’d recommend some of the older movies by an American film studio called Walt Disney. They have an interesting 2-D style in their early works and I find the stories charming. As for shows, I’m not sure...maybe look around and see if something appeals to you all.

I smile. That was an interesting idea, for sure.

=#=#=#=#=

The next day, we were at the fake city from the entrance exam, training. It was a lot of fun, even if I couldn’t really work myself the way I wanted to without making my leg cramp and spasm even after healing the broken bone. It was slowly coming back to normal, though, as I practiced simple kicks and stuff after a really short run to build that muscle back. My ribs forced me to take breaks, as well, if I pushed it too hard, but they were coming along great, too. My phone buzzes as I finish a pretend fight, so I check who the text is from.

Eijiro Kirishima:

Hey, come look at the tall building’s roof!

Confused, I decide to go ahead and walk over. I knew Eijiro was in the same area as me, so I knew which tall building he meant. However, it was so tall, I couldn’t see clearly what I was supposed to see up there. All I saw was a small blurry thing that might be Eijiro.

Me:

Ok, I’m here. What do you want me to see? I can’t really see anything…

Just a few seconds after I sent that, I hear a faint yell and then look up to see- - “Eijiro!” I scream, backing up toward the building make sure I wouldn’t be hit. I knew what he was doing; practicing falling long distances and using his Quirk to survive them. It was just training, but...still. If he didn’t activate his Quirk in time...thankfully, he lands and comes back up almost instantly, thrusting dramatically through the cracked pavement.

“Yyyeeaaahhh!” He roars, grinning wildly at me as he walks over, dusting himself off. His grin then turns into a smirk. “Impressed?” He asks, one hand on his hip, the other on the wall. I snort, blushing a little as he leans in just a little.

“You’re insane. You could have died...but to answer your question...yeah, it was kinda impressive.” I reply with slightly pink cheeks, chuckling and walking away, when Eijiro puts his other hand on the other side of my head. I turn to look at him. His face is intense with some unreadable emotion as he stares at me.

“So...did I smell good?” He asks, leaning in. I blush and lean back against the wall. Where was this coming from!?

“Um...what?” I ask stupidly, my racing mind unable to process what he might be talking about.

“What happened after the final bell yesterday...that hug…” My blush darkens. Oh shit! I’d almost forgotten! I lick my lips.

“I- -I’m so sorry about that!” I squeak, unsure how to take this reaction. Was he mad? Disgusted? He was so hard to read right now… “I, ah, I mean…yeah...you did smell good.” Why was that hard to say? It was a fact, nothing more...right? He then smiles, laughing (I swear he’s blushing, too, though) as he leans back, keeping one hand on the wall. I blush darker and want to sink into the ground.

“Takara, relax! I was just teasing!” He chirps. “But, good to know!” I exhale, then smack his arm.

“You jerk! I thought you were mad at me or something!” That, and I thought maybe...that was leading somewhere- -stoppit! This is not the time for those kind of thoughts! He’s just a friend! Stop!

“Aww, Takara, I could never be mad at you for long!” He replies, patting my arm and moving away.

“Good to know, jerk.” I grumble, the tone undermined by my smirk, then I sigh and nudge him. “You know, you’re a good man, Eijiro.” I mumble, cheeks red again “You didn’t have to help me, but you did, and I want you to know it means a lot to me.” He’s definitely blushing as he walks beside me. I wanted to make sure he knew how much all his help meant to me.

“Takara, I’d do it again. Anytime.” I feel an instinct to hug him but refrain and settle for smiling at him as we walk back toward where the others were training.

“And I’d do it for you.” I reply, just letting myself enjoy this moment. It was two friends affirming their bond...and that’s it…

So why am I blushing?!

(I promise I don’t mean to keep forcing KiriKara down your throat but most of these moments write themselves. Hope y’all don’t mind! (: Can’t wait to show you all the Sports Festival!)

[clevernewdimension]

Polaris Part Three

Parts: Preview, Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four (Coming soon!)

Genre: Action, drama, romance, sci-fi, etc.

Paring: Jongin x Character

Word count: 7.0K

A/N: Warning for sexual assault and mentions of sex with minors. I know. Just so y’all know, Tribil SUCKS. I obviously do not condone this. Just warning about character past stuff.

I groaned, opening my eyes and move, trying to sit up. I look over, seeing Kyungsoo, who was currently in pants and a sweater sitting as he played a game on his Reader. He glances up, quickly closing the game and moving over. “How are you,” He asks, looking at me with cautious eyes.

“Peachy,” I say, starting to lean up. I hiss in pain, as he stands, helping me. “Thank you. For you know, saving my life and all that.”

“You’re welcome for saving your life and all that,” He says with a smile. “You’re in your room. I just traded with Jongin for a little bit to watch you and make sure you don’t accidentally rip your stitches open.”

“I can picture his pout now,” I say, wincing, holding my side.

Kyungsoo shakes his head, “Actually, he agreed immediately. You probably wouldn’t be alive if he didn’t put his hand over your wound, though I’m not going to tell him that.”

I frown, “Thank you. He’d hold it over me forever.”

“He… Lyra, Jongin hates losing people. He hates people dying, especially if he thinks there’s even a microscopic change he could have done something about it,” Kyungsoo says, pointing at my shirt, “I need to change the dressing of your wound. Lift your shirt.”

“Yes Sir,” I say, pulling it up. I didn’t know how to react to what he just told me about Jongin. For the most part he just gives off this air of confidence and pigheadedness. A lot of people tell me he isn’t like that, and, I suppose, there could be another side to the man who makes my life difficult.

“You don’t have to call me Sir,” He says, “I hate it. Well, except Baekhyun and Chanyeol. They keep picking on me, so I try to intimidate them.”

I smile, watching as he quickly and with care removes the bandage and replaces it easily. I smile at him, as he moves out the room to throw away the used bangade. Sehun slips in the door after he leaves, as he moves, sitting on my bed next to me. His beautiful face marred with red eyes and a look of sadness. “Thank you,” He says, taking my hand in his. Sehun is a very touchy person, though not with everyone. He and I are friends, but he’s never been the type to hug me or touch me like he does with his other friends.

I just smile, “Well, we can’t deny the Milky Way a chance to see your beautiful face, now can we, pretty boy?”

He just smiles, looking up. “Seriously, Lyra, I would have been dead if it wasn’t for you. I don’t know how to ever repay you.”

I smile at him, patting his shoulder. The Etherion was older than me, but somehow more… I don’t know… scared. Sehun’s greatest fear is letting those around him down. Knowing him he probably thought he let us all down by getting hit while he was flying. Stupid. I smile, it was growing more into a smirk as I just give him a smug look. “How about you finally admit you have a crush on the Phoenix Captain and we call it even, hm,” I say with a small smile.

His eyes go wide, his face flushing as he just pouts. “Shut up, Lang. That’s an order.”

“Nah,” I say with a grin. It’s been so obvious for ages. Sehun would help him with whatever he needed. Need someone to spar against? Sehun would come back bruised and grinning from ear to ear. Yixing needs someone to run an errand? Sehun would do it even if someone of his rank shouldn’t. He did whatever he could to try and help the special forces member. It was cute. I just smile at his blush as Kyungsoo opens the door, only to have Minseok following him.

Minseok smiles, moving and sitting down on Jongin’s bed. I do a little salute, “Major General, sir.”

“Stop with that,” He says, scolding me. “Lyra, thank you. For saving Sehun. I can’t… He’s like a brother to me, that kid.”

“I mean I wasn’t going to let him die,” I say, earning a laugh from Kyungsoo. The doctor lifts my shirt with ease as I lie down, wincing a bit. He peels the leftover tape off as Minseok looks over.

He hisses, “Ouch.”

Kyungsoo just nods, “The stitches look great. Let me rebandage you and you’ll be ready for dinner.”

“Cool,” I say. It was quick, and with their help, I was able to stand. The pain in my side was sharp, but I pushed through it with a hiss and multiple curses.

As Kyungsoo left the room, he looks to the side, “Jongin still asleep?”

“Sehun went to wake him,” Junmyeon says, from his position in the pilot’s seat.

I move, sitting down in the easiest seat and the end of the bench, groaning in pain as I rest against the table. I sighed, looking up to see Kyungsoo set a glass of water and some pills down for me. I smile, seeing Sehun and Jongin come from the hallway. Jongin looks up, his eyes looking over me with worry. I look at him, taking in how he looks. In sweatpants and a tanktop, hair an unruly mess. He, even if he just woke up, looked exhausted. The type of tired that settles in your bones for a while until you can finally relax a little. I look at his arm, seeing the bandage. I vaguely remember digging my nails into him. The look of absolute brokenness as he watched, glancing down at me as he did what he could to help.

“Sorry,” I say, pointing to his arm. Sure, I didn’t like the man, but having him there really helped. Being able to just hold something in the moment was better than having nothing at all to distract myself from the pain. Even if the distraction was small.

He looks confused, looking down at his arm, “Oh… No, it’s ok. If it helped that’s all that matter.”

Yixing hops over the bench, sliding into the seat next to me, placing a tablet down. “I examined Sehun’s fighter for you. Looks like the thruster on the right is almost completely done for. Probably not worth trying to repair.”

I look it over, pushing a button on the screen that makes a 3D hologram above the tablet. I spin it, looking it over. I sigh, “I’m going to have to make a whole new thruster. Fuck.”

Sehun slides into the booth, pulling Jongin down with him, who lazily followed. “Sorry,” Sehun says, grimincing.

“It’s fine,” I say, “If you want I can take one off the spare so you can use your Fighter.”

“Not like that you can’t,” Kyungsoo says, looking over his shoulder as he put oven mitts on his hands. “It’ll be three days for you to heal completely because of the Evo-DNA.”

“In three days I’ll do it then,” I say, rolling my eyes, quickly picking up the water and pill. It had an awful after taste. “If you’d like, I’m sure Chanyeol could easily move the thruster to Sehun’s Fighter. Super easy to do. Well all had to learn that.”

Chanyeol nods, giving a thumbs up. His grin is huge, “Sure can! They’re the same as bombers, but, you know, a bit smaller.”

Sehun smiles, nodding. “That would be great!”

Kyungsoo sets a bowl in front of me, a soup with some bread to the side. “Eat. You need your strength.”

Junmyeon stands, “Going on Autopilot.” He stretches, looking at us. He moves, pushing Jongin to the table as I grab my spoon. “Eat, and then get back to sleep,” He says, voice stern, but somehow still very tender.

Jongin just nods, not even arguing. Sehun told me that Jongin loves to sleep. Even if he got nightmares, he loved to sleep. I start to eat my soup, watching as each of his three brothers look over him, making sure he was ok. Jongin pouted, whining, “Just because I’m the youngest doesn’t mean to all have to baby me!”

“That’s exactly what that means,” Jongdae says, looking over with worry. “Kid, you almost get killed every time to go out and fly.”

Minseok nods, making taken a seat and eating soup from a mug. It was more like he was drinking it, which was odd. “We can’t do anything when you’re out there. We can’t help you then. So you’re going to let us take care of you when we can.”

I finish my soup as I look, seeing Jongin roll his eyes.

Kyungsoo smiles, having eaten quickly already. Yixing was the fastest eater, practically devouring his bowl in less than a minute. Something about being trained to do that, to eat quickly so he could get back to work. He was sitting next to Baekhyun, playing against him in a game of chess. The reader lying flat made a hologram of a chess board and pieces. It looked solid, hiding the reader, but it had to move on voice commands.

Baekhyun was practically ripping his hair out. He was examining the board with a frustrated gaze as Yixing was leaning against his hand, looking more bored than if he weren’t playing. Chanyeol and Junmyeon both moving the thruster from the other fighter over. From what I hear, it’s going well. Jongin was drawing something on his tablet, Kyungsoo looking over once in a while as he was cleaning his laser pistol.

“Ummm… Oh! Knight to E5,” He says, grinning. The piece moves, flickering as the knight piece turns, using its hind legs to kick Yixing’s queen in the face. Baekhyun smiles, looking at Yixing with a look of huge satisfaction. “Good luck! Today I win!”

Yixing, looking unbothered, as he just muttered, “Rook to F7. Checkmate.”

Baekhyun’s mouth falls as he looks, watching as the castle piece goes to his king, ramming it into pieces. “I… what the fuck?”

“Your king was hidden by your knight. I’ve had that rook there waiting to take it when you finally moved it for five moves,” Yixing says, the smallest of smiles on his face.

Baekhyun just let out a loud yell of a curse. Kyungsoo glared at him, rolling his eyes. I laugh, watching as Yixing just pats Baekhyun’s shoulder.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, “You can go back to your room, Jongin. Lyra should be fine unless she decides to do yoga or something.”

Jongin nods, “Alright,” He says, before getting back to his drawing.

I sign, getting up, “I think I’m going to go to sleep, actually. I’m oddly exhausted.”

“Being in pain is very tiring,” Kyungsoo says. “The more rest you get the quicker you’ll feel.”

I look at everyone, “Make sure they don’t completely fuck up the thruster, yeah?”

Jongin gives me a thumbs up, “Trust me, Sehun won’t let that happen.”

I smile, moving and slowly shuffling back to my bed. Sitting down was hard, but the softness of the mattress was wonderful. It was like being on a cloud. I close my eyes, trying to calm down and rest. My memories won’t leave me be, seeing the Kryton again. I haven’t seen one that close ever. The closest they’ve gotten to me was over 10 feet. The worst part was the smell. I thought it was awful before, but, as it turns out, it was worse up close.

I hear the door open as I close my eyes, attempting to pretend to be sleeping. I open my eyes a little bit, to peek out. Jongin sits on his bed, setting his bag on the ground. He sighs, looking back at the picture he put on the wall. The frown grows for a moment, before he sets his reader on the bedside desk. From his bag he takes a pen like thing, clicking it on. He takes something else, a glove, pulling it on. It was the same color as the pen, a black, with chip like things on the fingertips.

He presses it to the wall, moving it and leaving a strand of light in its way. It looked like neon, as he uses the glove touching it. From a menu, he turns the brightness down as changes the color. I was mesmerized, watching him as his pen glides. He changes the colors, carefully placing every line. Soon, it was a face, as he starts to carve out the details. Making the nose the perfect shape, using a very light white for the hair. He spent a long time perfecting it. When he finally moves away for a second, I see the face, clear as day.

She had white hair, bright purple eyes. Her lips were in a smile, looking happy and full of joy. Her lips… they looked like Jongin’s. It clicked. The woman he drew was his mother. They looked so alike. She looked beautiful, as he used the glove to make it smaller, pinching it between two fingers and moving it along the wall, some place where he could see it.

They had the same eyes. The same lips. All of the Kim’s had the same eyes, but apparently the youngest was graced with more of their mother’s features. One thing I couldn’t help but to notice is how… carefree she looked. People as happy as her are usually not involved with the Syndicate at all.

Jongin lets out a loud yawn, before pulling his tank top over his head and tossing it over into his dirty clothes basket. He was under the covers quickly, turning the light off from the bed as he turns, having the wall.

It’s weird, seeing someone who’s such an obnoxious ass be… well, not like an obnoxious ass. He’s backed off, not asking me or taunting me for my mistake. It was confusing. I can’t help but wonder more about him. There’s more to him then just what’s on the surface. Wondering more about him and the woman he drew, my eyes fluttered closed.

The next two weeks went by in a blur after I was allowed to work again. The thruster was built in record time as I threw myself back into work. Then came fixing a few minor dings and such in the metal outer shell. Sehun took the job of painting it himself, as most Fighter pilots do.  The weirdest thing was Jongin not really speaking with me. When he does, it’s one or two words. Granted this is what I wanted for ages, but for it to happen, it feels like something is wrong.

We are expected to get to Ysimir in a few moments, Baekhyun already telling them over comms of out impending arrival. The president, an Etherion by the name of Histor Yssa, told us that he welcomes us and will provide rooms for our stay. He also mentioned General Kim, and how delighted he was to help not only the Syndicate, but the sons of his friend. I could see each of the brothers tense at that, which I found odd but decided not to comment.

“Have you ever been to Ysimir,” Chanyeol asks, watching as we approach the planet. I know a little of the planet. It was mostly purple, as that was the color of the acidic seas there. They’ve managed to turn some of the lakes into fresh and salt water, man made and natural. It allows for some fish from other planets to be shipped over.

“No,” I say, shaking my head, “But I’ve heard some… unsavory things.”

Jongdae laughs, “I assume it’s the saying? Wystria is the planet of love, Ysimir the one of sin?” He says, wearing the same uniform as the other higher in command. The metals on his jacket, a few from fighting but most from fighting for justice in the courtroom. Draping from his shoulder to below the arm was a piece of purple ribbon, noting that he was of the Justice branch. Minseok’s was silver, since he was the commander of EXO Prime. Junmyeon’s was a light blue, same as Beakhyun. Yixing’s was black with single red line through the middle. His suit was covered in metals from his many battles. Kyungsoo’s was green for a medical officer. Jongin and Sehun’s were red, noting that they are Fighter pilots.

Since they are all higher ranks, they wear formal uniforms like that. Chanyeol and I do not have to. We wore our usual underclothes. Pants that are dark blue with a lot of pockets and a simple dark blue jacket of the same material. Under we both wore sleeveless shirts, as they get in the way when you’re working.

On all of our chests were name tags. They were screens, which said out name and would shimmer, changing the letter to say our ranks. It was made into the clothes. Some are even made in clothes for design to shimmer and with moving patterns. They’re costly, which explains my lack of any, but they are really awesome.

We land, letting the door open as we walkout. The air heavily scented with all the flowers that are around. The place we landed had the sea behind us, the purple acid lapping at the force wall that protected the rock. There were some things in the air sailing, people having fun and over by a pool which reaches just a few meters to the left. People from all over the galaxies come here, some are even rich enough to live here. The leaves on the trees are even floral scented. It was like a light, pleasant perfume. Nothing too strong, but just perfect. The music was hypnotic, the building closest to us the metal base. Small, about a hundred times smaller than the one on EXO Prime. To the left was a glittering massive building. It spiraled up in golden spears, like it was reaching for the sky.

“Wow,” I mutter, looking around with my eyes wide.

“You act like you’ve never seen a place like this,” Chanyeol says, smiling broadly.

I shake my head, looking over at him. I see a few people in out group looking over, probably more curious. Jongin does, keeping quiet with no biting remarks for once. “All I’ve ever seen besides space stations is EXO Prime and Tribil.”

Chanyeol nods, smile falling. He pats my back, “No wonder. This place is the exact opposite of Tribil from what I hear.”

He’s right. Tribil was a desolate wasteland where you’re more likely to starve than anything else. All the higher up government officials and rich gold and Quantinium miners are taking all the credits for themselves. The only ways to earn some money are few and far between. One way to make a living is to either run errands for a little that, if you save three days could feed you two meals. Not two days. Two meals. Mostly of bread and dehydrated meat. The other is work in the mines. They’ll feed you and shelter you, but you live in a small house with thirty other people and the food is rationed out. They keep you just fed enough to work but not enough to revolt.

The last way is to sell yourself. If you’re pretty, someone will find a use for you, so long as you stay pretty. Then they will throw you away and you’ll be left to die. Tribil’s laws are awful. Through some loophole they manage to not have to follow the standard Syndicate laws for planets under our protection. That’s not to say sex work is illegal, just safer and… well, usually doesn’t include minors. The Syndicate’s hands are tied, since they need the Quantinum in order to create our forcefields and walls. Since Tribil sells half of what they mine to the Syndicate at a forty percent discount, they don’t want to anger them either.

Yixing’s face get’s a hint of anger on it at the mention of our shared home. Something tells me it wasn’t a fond time for him, either.

That we have in common. Tribil killed the only family I had. I was an orphan, but, growing up, there was someone like a brother to me. He was four years older than me and, in order to survive, he went to the mines. He’d save up the few credits they would get and send it to me. Then, he was killed. Mining accident. Quantinum is very dangerous and explosions are very common.

After that, I was starving and hungry. I’d do odd jobs for people. Every now and then I’d find myself in a fancy hotel on my back, letting someone have their way with me. I didn’t like to think about it, since I was very young. They were rare times, and I was happy when I was accepted into the Syndicate so I could put those days behind me.

I was pulled out of my thoughts from an elbow to the side from Chanyeol. A man in a suit that shimmered like a night sky, his white hair pushed back as his one purple eye glitter. The other was replaced with a robotic one. This eyes are rimmed in black and his lips covered with a deep shade of red. He smiles, smoking a cigar holding a glass out in a cheers motion. The bubbling liquid was a light pink with some fruit pieces. He laughed, “Hello Major General Minseok! I’ve heard a lot about you!”

Minseok steps forward, nodding and shaking his hand. While Ysimir isn’t Syndicate controlled, they allow the Syndicate to have a base here in order to refuel and fix any minor damages. In return, the planets near keep the Krytons away from here and, if they are attacked, the Syndicate quickly responds.

“You look so much like your father,” Histor Yssa says, “Old fuck. One day I’ll convince him to take that stick out of his ass!”

Minseok smirks, nodding, “If you manage it, I will buy your drinks for life!”

Histor lets out a belly aching laugh, putting his arm over Minseok’s shoulder, “So, please, introduce me to this collective you’ve brought with you. Obviously I can tell your brothers, but, since we’ve never met…”

Minseok gestures, “Brigadier General Kim Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon nods, shaking his hand and bowing a little, “Pleasure to meet you, president.”

And it went down the line until he got to Sehun, who was standing next to me. Histor smiles, “One of my own! How much?”

“Half,” Sehun says, nodding. Etherions are always curious about how ‘pure’ the blood is. They, for the most part, are never ‘pure’ anymore. Their planet was taken over a hundred years back by their neighbors. They killed half and then enslaved the rest. Twenty years ago The Syndicate helped the Etherion people take it back. Now it is a melting pot of all different types of people. It’s still recovering from that time under the Victris rule. Half Etherion is the most people ever are, anymore, and they are rare to find. It makes him a little uncomfortable, and for obvious reasons, but that’s how his people are, anymore.

The president’s eyes are wide, “My, it’s rare to see someone so pure!” He says, placing a hand on Sehun’s shoulder, “I’m only a third myself, thankfully my mother was beautiful for a human!”

Sehun just nods, looking cool and calm as the president's eyes look to me.

“Master Sergeant Lyra Lang,” I say, shaking his hand. He smiles, looking me over

“Mrs. Lang, may I ask what it is you do,” He says, taking a sip from his drink after moving his cigar for a moment. His eyes went along my body, which was hard for me not to make a comment about. Etherions, for the most part, are obsessed with beauty and bloodlines.

“I’m the Fighter mechanic,” I say, nodding. Something about him makes me feel a bit weird, but it could be because I’ve never met someone so… ostentatious.

He grins, “Wonderful! I was wondering why you looked so strong!” Before I could say anything he polishes off his drink, handing it to one of the people behind him. “If you would follow Klause, he would show you all to your sweets! We’ve got you staying at the best hotel on the planet,” He says, before bowing, “I must get back to work, but rest assured I will meet you all for dinner!”

The ride to the building was quick. The rest of the city was in the valley below, looking just like jewels surrounded by lush foliage. A large waterfall of acid to the side, which goes through a machine about a fourth of the way down that turned it into water. I look back, seeing the huge hotel. So, we were there, Aurora. Hotel and casino. There are a few from where I come from, but only people who are filthy rich or those who are offering their services are allowed. I walk along, looking around. Tanks filled with sea creatures I’ve never seen before, bright lights and pieces of art that looked magnificent. The floor marble as we walked though. People lining up at betting stations, watching sporting events from all over with anticipation and excitement. I could hear people celebrating in the casino as we pass.  People dressed just like the President. The suits and dresses all with moving patterns of every color. Soon, we’re led to an elevator.

“A whole floor was given to you for your use,” The voice says of the man who led us as the door opens. Klause was tall, his skin a pale orange. He was very human like, save for his eyes, which are reptilian and his tongue, which was thin and forked. He bows, “Choose whatever room you like. Room service is for free for you all. Dinner with President Yssa scheduled at 19 hundred hours, which is in ten hours. Until then you may spend your time however you wish.”

I nod, before moving and picking the closest room to my right. The walls were a lovely shade of light blue. The decor was very… royal, I suppose. Looking like it was fit for a queen. It was a large room. Living room and small kitchen. The bedroom was huge, the bed looking inviting.I open the door to the bathroom, peeking in. A smile, seeing the tub. It’ll be nice to have a relaxing bath. I nod to myself setting my bag down and sigh, falling into bed. I smile, letting out a little laugh as I move, setting my reader to 19 hundred hours Ysimir time. Quickly I take of my boots and throwing my coat onto the chair to the side.This place is known for their late night dinners and their twenty two hour days, I learned having read up on it a little before we got here.

A few moments later, I hear a knock at my door.

I move with a groan, getting up and moving. They knocked again, “I’m coming!”

I throw the door open, before being pushed inside and having the door closed. I didn’t even get a look at the person’s face before they were inside, looking down. Yixing stares at me, before grabbing my wrist and shining a green light down on my skin.

The Tribian triangle mark on my skin glowed. The old tattoo like thing I got when I was nine. There were small roses on either side of the tattoo, along with the Tribian letter which stood for the common letter A. For approved. I pull my wrist back, glaring. No one on any other planet has those lights but Tribians. Only we know about the ‘tattoos’. It’s not a thing we like to talk about. They use the lights to to check people, see if they are an approved sex worker. If you’re not approved, you’ll be rejected by everyone. It costs nothing, all you have to do is be checked to make sure you’re not carrying any diseases. Once a week you get checked if you perform services everyday, but I went about once a month.

The truth was, they are not tattoos. They’re small nano technology embedded into the skin designed to be hidden. It makes us do whatever someone commands of us if they have the Master one. The triangle with a crown and the Tribian letter for M. So long as someone has that mark, we are powerless. When you are hungry, you’ll do anything.

Yixing’s eyes were wide, his hands shaking. He looks up, his eyes holding anger. They started to swell with tears, “How old?”

I look down, before looking back at him with a glare, shoving him. “Why the fuck should I tell you?!”

He pushes his sleeve up, shining the light on his wrist. The same glowing design. “I was six,” He says, the tears of anger slipping down his face. “I remember seeing you… then man who… the one who liked me wanted a new one. A younger one. He cut it off with me and found someone else.” He says, his voice eerily calm. Yixing looked at me, “Sir Ulysl.”

I looked up, my eyes wide. “He… he was the first I ever… I was nine.”

Yixing sighs, taking a moment to wipe his eyes. He looks back to me. “I’m sorry. For doing this. For not asking. I know it’s a sensitive subject.”

“I had to,” I say, shrugging. “It’s wrong, but everything is wrong on Tribil. You know how it is. You do what you have to in order to live.”

I could see the anger held back in his posture. He was tense, glaring at the ground like it killed someone precious to him. It’s something that’s in all of us, the poor Tribians. An unrelenting anger when we think about the past. About how people are still being used like that. Yixing looks up, eyes meeting mine. “I saw Rhys in the casino,” He mutters, looking up. “He will probably be at our dinner tonight. How would the President not invite oldest member of the Tribian monarchy to dinner, after all?”

Those words take my breath away. I remember times, in the highest room of the largest building. Iscar Rhys, the then king of Tribil. My willingness to do whatever he wanted because the pain in my stomach was getting unbearable. Whatever he wanted, I did. At different times in my life. Starting when I was nine. I remember him saying he wanted to teach us how he liked it. My stomach feeling uneasy, thinking about how a man in his mid thirties acted like what he was doing to a nine year old was normal.

“What made you want to tell me that,” I ask, trying not to give away how awful that name made me felt.

“I was one of the highest requested, Lyra… and he only asked for me twice,” He says. “All of the professional ones, we talk. Mostly about how much we hated all the people we were fucking. We see every single one of the people who only did it sometimes, making bets if they were ever going to go full time,” He explains, leaning against the wall. “As long as we had one who was sweet on us they’d give us a place to stay and all the food we could eat. They have grand feasts and not even half would be eaten. So it would be given to us.” He looks up, “I saw you, a couple times. He would always come and get you when you were young.”

I glare at him, “If you say anything-”

“That’s why I told you,” He says, looking up, “No one knows. If I tell, you tell. Insurance, such is the Tribian way.”

I sigh, looking up at Yixing. The strong Phoenix special ops captain, so strong and deadly, looks as if his heart has been ripped out. Like, for a moment, he’s an empty shell of a person who barely exists. Such is the way of Tribil. Ripping people apart and leaving them to wither away.

Yixing pats me on the shoulder, looking up, “If he is at dinner, it’s you and me. We stick by one another to avoid him. Tribil’s ways are not well received. They’re not spoken about. He won’t say anything unless he gets one of us alone.”

I nod, putting my hand on his shoulder too.

As he left, I couldn’t help but feel gross. I move to the bathroom, filling the tub. I wanted to just melt away, forget about everything for a moment. I pour in some of the bubble bath. I undress, getting in and trying to let my mind rest from the bomb that was dropped on me. When I tried out for the Syndicate, I had to prove I could be useful. I was terrified I would fail and be left to rot on a desert city forever. Forgotten. Thankfully they saw the potential and the drive I had. I was petrified of failing. I couldn’t fail.

The Syndicate saved me from a life of screwing people for money and, when that ended, starving to death. When people say that the food is awful somewhere, I can’t help but think about how it’s better than the constant pain from hunger. After a while of soaking, a few hours if my prune like fingers and toes were any indication, I got out and dressed. A message on my phone told me that the ‘dress code was casual’ according to Sehun.

I put on my clothes, wearing my jeans and a sleeveless top. Put my hair up, looking at my reflection. I forgo the make up, no matter how minimal I wear it, I don’t want to draw attention to myself. I mentally try to prepare myself for what was about to come.

I was working on autopilot, practically. Everyone was around but I was just following them. I was looking, on guard, searching.

And then I saw him.

He’s in his late forties, looking more casual than he ever did before. I was use to seeing him in his fully regal attire. His flack hair was greying. His face still clean shaved. His skin still the same pale almost white. The Jurist blood in his veins making his eyes black with a blue iris. He looks over, in a fancy suit that would have on the legs and arms had flowers and vines growing and blooming. He looked over everyone and I could see his eyes widen slightly when he recognizes Yixing to my right. I feel Yixing’s hand on my arm, holding steady. His eyes move, looking and spotting me.

The small smile that grew made me want to punch him. I wanted to make him hurt physically the same way he made me feel emotionally. I wanted to take that glass and smash it across his face. He look over, speaking with Minseok as I was blinded by my rage. He looked down the line, before, like it was clear and there was no other sounds. He looks at me, smiling, showing off his perfect fucking teeth and his perfect smile.

“Who are you, my dear,” He asks, though I could see it. The devious look in his eyes as he patiently waits for me to act on what he wants.

“Lyra Lang,” Yixing says beside me, his voice curt and to the point.

“It’s nice to meet you,” He says.

We were ushered into the next room, and, as I passed by, there were two tiny words he muttered that made me feel uneasy and on edge all over again.

“Hello again, Little Lyra,” He mutters, the smirk on his face grew, his eyes kept on me as I walked to my seat.

I was furious. My blood might as well be boiling as I say down and looked, trying to avoid his gaze. I look around, finally taking the time to see the room we’re in. The walls covered in screens, projecting lush wildlife like the jungles in the valley. I was trying to calm myself as small talk was made.

I just glare at him now.

The dinner went by in a breeze. He’d make comments towards Yixing and myself, and we’d answer curtly. Surely all of our compatriots were noticing how we were acting.

The food was probably delicious, but I wasn’t paying attention. I would look around, noticing Yixing glaring. Sehun was looking at the both of us with a questioning look, and Jongin was curious, whispering to Yixing as he sat next to him. Everyone was catching onto the fact that Yixing and I were not comfortable at all here.

President Yssa smiles, “And now dessert!”

“I’m actually full,” I say, not thinking I can stomach it. I already said something to Yixing, and he was fine with my leaving early. He’d stick by someone he trusts so he won’t be cornered alone. I stand, bowing, “Thank you for the meal and your hospitality. I’m actually really tired, so I think I’m going to go to bed early.”

I turned, leaving the room before anyone could say something.

Truthfully, I was walking in the garden here instead. A huge glass house full of flowers from all over the galaxy. I see a Tribil black rose, the only thing that can withstand our desert conditions. I took a deep breath, letting out a shaky sigh.

“Little Lyra,” A voice says right behind me, hands on my hips. I turn, about to shove him away from me before he just mutters one word.

“Stop.”

My body freezes all on it’s own. I fought it, trying to move. He just smiles, shaking his head.

“You've become bitter, my little Lyra,” He says, “Calm down. Lower your arm.”

I do as he says, my eyes filling with tears of rage.

“I was so shocked to see you,” He says, smiling, “My beautiful little flower has flourished.” he smiles, placing his hand on my face, caressing my cheek. “I was so disappointed when you left for the Syndicate.”

“Get away from me,” I say, glaring at him.

He smiles, “Show me your wrists.”

I show them to him, even as I fight against it. The powerless feeling making me more and more scared. Before, I did it because I was starving. I was desperate. It didn’t matter what he wanted from me as long as I could eat.

He takes a small little thing from his pocket, shining the light down on my wrist. He smiles, “Just as beautiful. The best invention in Tribil history, wouldn’t you say so?”

“What is that on her wrist,” I hear a voice ask.

I look past Rhys, feeling elated to see Jongin standing there. He was dressed casually, walking up and seeing the symbol on my wrist.

I wanted to scream at him what it was, but for every Tribil who leaves, we’re told never to talk about it. That’s why no one knows what does on in Tribil. The Syndicate knows of whispers, but no actual proof.

Jongin looks me in the eyes, seeing the distress in them. He smiles, looking at Rhys. “I’m sorry, I hope she didn’t bother you. I was coming out here to check on her because I know long flights make her a little uneasy,” He says, moving close to me as Rhys turns off the light and puts it back into his pocket. Jongin places his arm around me, pulling me into a hug. “I was so worried about you, babe. Are you sure you’re ok?”

“J-just feeling a little sick,” I say.

Jongin nods, “I think I better help my girlfriend to her room. Thank you for coming and checking on her, though.”

Rhys nods, using his charm to hide his true feelings just as Jongin was doing. “I might not be king anymore but I still worry.”

Jongin pulls me with him, “Goodnight, your majesty!”

We walk, our shows making noise on the marble flooring. Once we get to the elevator, Jongin looks at me. “What is going on,” He asks, looking alarmed. “You left, and then he left. Yixing told me to go after the both of you because if he did he would have killed him.”

“I can’t tell you,” I say, leaning against the wall.

“Yes, Lyra, you can. Spit it out,” He says, rolling his eyes.

“Jongin, I really can’t! I want to but I can’t,” I says, shaking my head as tears fell from my eyes. “You’ve heard it. The saying. ‘Seekers of the Secret are met with thorns’.”

“What was that mark,” He asks, looking at my wrist. “I’ve never seen it. There’s nothing about a tattoo on your file.”

I want to open my mouth and scream, but I can’t.

Jongin sighs, running a hand through his hair. The glowing of the blue lights in the elevator making him look sadder, in a way. “I just want to help you.”

“I know,” I say, shaking my head. “All I can say is… think along the lines of our biggest export.”

“Quantum,” He says, nodding. “So… it’s a type of tech?”

I remain silent as I see him trying to search for clues. I take the time to look over him, seeing him in jeans and a tight black tee. His hair a little wet, slowly drying through dinner. His purple irises looking at me, trying to uncover the secret I wasn’t telling. I want to tell him everything but I can’t. He nods as the elevator opens.

“My room is the one to the right of yours,” He says, “When you decide you trust me, I’ll be waiting.” Jongin looks sad, his eyes which are normally full of joy now dull.

Watching him go and close the door behind him was excruciating. Knowing he thinks I’m not just saying it to him. This I would scream at everyone if I could.

But I can’t.

I just have to hope he asks around about the clue I gave him.

[meganlpie]

Pretty Please?

Anonymous asked: Congrats, Meg! Can I get a Halloween request?? I know it’ll probably be after Halloween before it’s posted, but idc. I was hoping to get a Dean x fem!reader where she tries to convince Dean to go trick-or-treating in family costumes (they have a couple little ones) and maybe Sam agrees to go too and helps convince Dean into going??

Here is your one-shot, anon! I do not own Dean or Sam. They belong to the writers/creators of Supernatural.

Warnings: Fluff.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x fem!reader, Sam Winchester

“No.” The word was out of your husband’s mouth before you could even ask the question. “Dean…” you pleaded. “No, Y/N. I hate Halloween and you know it.” You huffed a little. “But Dean, it’s for the kids. Please?” Dean’s green eyes met your (e/c) ones. “You’re using our kids against me?” You smiled softly.

           "Dean, they want this. It’s all they’ve talked about. Please? Pretty please? Even Sam has agreed to go.“ Dean groaned lowly. You were giving him that look. The one that you knew he couldn’t resist in a million years. Not from you and not from your children. "Alright fine…but do I have to wear that?” You shrugged. “Better than what Sam is wearing. Our daughter insists that I’m Dorothy and she wants to be the lion which leaves Uncle Sam being the Wicked Witch.”

           Dean busted out laughing. “Okay. Okay. I’ll go. If only to see Sammy with green face paint and a pointed hat.” You clapped your hands together. “Yay! Now get ready, Tin Man while I go tell our children.” Dean let out a little grumble and you giggled. You walked over to him and kissed his lips. “I’ll make it up to you later,” you promised, earning a signature Dean smirk. “Oh really?” You rolled your eyes, but nodded.

           "I’ll hold you to that.“ He pulled you close and placed a searing kiss to your lips. "Ew.” You broke apart to see Sam there with your youngest in his arms. “Yeah, ew,” he commented with a smile. “Guess what? Dean agreed to go with us.” Your little girl, already in her lion costume, cried out in glee. “Yay, Daddy!”

           If he hadn’t agreed before, Dean would have agreed to anything now. His children and your opinions of him meant everything to Dean. His daughter saw him as a superhero in a way and to see her looking at him with such a happy expression made the hunter melt. “The lion is ready and the scarecrow is working on it. Now, Uncle Sam here needs to go get ready,” Sam said and you took your daughter from him. “Hey kiddo, why don’t you go grab a granola bar from the kitchen and eat it while you wait for us to finish getting dressed?”

           The little girl nodded and clamored out of your arms. Once she was gone, you started to get dressed yourself. You were grateful you had been able to find a less revealing version of your costume. Dean could be extremely jealous sometimes and he didn’t want other men looking at his wife. You understood. You didn’t want other women hitting on Dean either.

           "It’s worth it,“ he said suddenly. You looked at him quizzically. "Seeing her face when she found out I agreed to go. It was worth having to go out on this insane night.” You cupped his cheek with your hand. “You are her world, Dean. Our son’s too. They miss you when you’re gone, but they never complain. When they told me the only thing they wanted was to trick-or-treat with you, I didn’t have the heart to tell them that you hate the day.”

           Dean wrapped his arms around you again. “Thank you.” He rested his head on yours and nothing else needed to be said. It wasn’t easy for Dean to share feelings except with his children, so you’d learned to read Dean’s cues and in between the lines. “I love you, Dean.” His arms tightened around you.

           A knock on the door broke you apart. “Mom, Dad can we go? I don’t want to miss all the good candy!” You chuckled. Just like his father. Dean’s eyes lit up. Candy. That was the only part of Halloween he liked. “We’ll be there in a minute. Go grab a quick bite. I don’t want you eating all your candy before we even get home.” Your son grumbled a bit, but you heard his steps retreating.

           You and Dean finished dressing and you headed for the door. Dean stopped you by gentle grabbing your wrist. “What is it, Dean?” He stared at you for a moment before speaking. “I’ve been thinking. About cutting back on my hunting.” You looked at him in surprise. “Really?” He nodded. “Yeah. I want to spend more time with you and the kids. I’ll still hunt some, but I don’t want to be gone all the time anymore. I’m getting to old for it anyway.” You laughed. “You’re not old. But if that’s what you want.”

           "It is. I’m tired of missing important days in the kids’ lives.“ You kissed him again to put his worries as ease. "I will support your decisions, Dean. I love the idea of having you home more and I know the kids will too. Now let’s get out there before they start to riot.” Dean let out a laugh and followed you out of your bedroom.

           Trick-or-treating didn’t take very long. In all her excitement, your daughter had worn herself out and fell asleep in Dean’s arms. Your son ended up doing the trick-or-treating for both of them. Not that he minded. He still managed to rack up quite a good amount of candy before the night was done. But he was exhausted too and only ate a couple pieces of candy when you got back to the bunker.

           Sam and Dean carried the kids to their beds and then Dean came back to you. You were checking the candy to make sure nothing was dangerous. “Babe, why don’t you go to bed. You’ve had a long day with the kids. I’ll do this and join you in a few minutes.” You smiled at him and agreed. You really were tired.

           You stood, kissed Dean and headed back toward your bedroom. Then you heard Dean moan and stopped short. “Don’t you dare eat all that candy, Dean Winchester!” you scolded. “Aw, Y/N. Pretty please?” You rolled your eyes and sighed. That was Dean for you. “Save some for the kids." 

(a/n: I hope you like it!)

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